Imagine Katakuri getting a crush on you and Big mom arranging a marriage between you two
Big Mom: -takuri... Katakuri!
Katakuri: *snaps out of his day dream* Oh yes, Mama
Big Mom: where were you, you've been distracted during meetings for days.
Katakuri: It's nothing, sorry mama, it won't happen again. I have some paper work to attend to, may I please be excused?
Big Mom: yes.
Daifuku: *soon as Katakuri leaves* I believe he's fallen in love, Mama.
Big Mom: Ehh, with whom?
Perospero: With (y/n), they attended your last tea party with their father, who owns the largest vanilla orchard in the world.
Big Mom: really? Are they single?
Daifuku: I ... I'm not sure, Mama.
Big Mom: I'll look into it then, in the meantime look after your brother, make sure he keeps up with his work.
Perospero and Daifuku: Yes Mama.
Daifuku: *once Big Mom is out of ear shot* Did we just sign Katakuri up to get married.
Persopero: Probably, you know how mama is about securing ingredients for sweets. And unfortunately for our dear brother, vanilla is found in most sweets, from angel food cake to zingers.
Daifuku: but what if (y/n)'s father doesn't agree to join and marry of his only child?
Persopero: If that happens Mama will do a hostile take over, and either marry or give (y/) to Katakuri.
Later at Big Mom's residence
Katakuri: *arrives for a meeting only to find you in the conference room* Oh, what are you doing here?
You: My father has agreed to join your pirate group, and to marry me off into your family.
Katakuri: * sits next to you* ... Do you know who you'll be marrying?
You: not yet, but that's what this meeting is about.
Katakuri: *knows his mother only invites the child she wants to marry off to these meetings but doesn't want to scare you* no mater who you marry, I'll make sure you're taken care of and have everything your heart desires.
You: *gives him a weak smile* Thank you, Kata, you wouldn't believe relieved I am to hear that.
Katakuri: *extends his hand for you to hold* Mama, should be here soon.
You: *takes his hand and squeezes it with trembling hands*
Katakuri: You're shaking.
You: I've... just never not been under my father's protection, and I'm scared.... but I do feel better with you here with me.
Katakuri: *rubs the back of your hand with his thumb* Really? Even though we've only met a handful of times in the part?
Big Mom: *kicks open the door* (y/n)! I'm so glad you could come... Oh, I see you've already met your betrothed.
Katakuri: Me!?
Big Mom: *glared* You like them, don't you?
Katakuri: *blushes* mama! Please let's not embarrass me in front of our guest.
Big Mom: mmmr, very well, since you two are already getting acquainted I'll leave you to it. ... Oh, by the way the wedding is in five days. *Leaves*
Katakuri: Five days until we're married... *flops back into his chair and is lost in thought, coming to grips with the fact that he is to be married.*
You: ... I'm sorry about this I don't know what my father was thinking offering me up like this.
Katakuri: He didn't offer you up, Mama offered me up first. Mainly to gain your father's orchard, but that is beside the point. If there is anything I can do, please let me know. You probably won't be moved into my house until after the wedding, but I can have my sisters look after you.
You: You mean you won't be staying with me?
Katakuri: *takes your hands into his and presses them to his lips through his scarf* No, but only because I need to work double time, so you can have me all to yourself during our honeymoon.
You: ⁄(⁄ ⁄☉⁄-⁄☉⁄ ⁄)⁄
Katakuri: *realizes how that sounded* Not that we have to do anything during our honeymoon that you don't want.... I'm going to go start on my work, I'll have Brûlée come and get you settled into your rooms, in the meantime please wait here.
You: Okay, and for the record, I look forward to... to having you all to myself during our honeymoon, if you catch my drift.
Katakuri: ⁄(⁄ ⁄•⁄ロ⁄•⁄ '⁄)⁄
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Big Mom Pirates Incorrect Quotes
Imagine being so unpredictable and random that not even Katakuri's observation haki works on you 💀
Katakuri: Stop thinking whatever you're thinking.
You: Huh?
Katakuri: You always make that face when you're about to say something stupid just to piss me off. So cut it out-
You: I love you.
Katakuri:
You:
You: Also, cereal qualifies as a soup.
Katakuri: I KNEW IT!!
You: It's not like I try to blow things up, exactly. It just sort of happens. You've got to admit though, fire is fascinating.
You: I hate you with every inch of my body!
Katakuri: That’s not a lot of inches.
Big Mom: That’s the key slice of truth we need to complete the entire truth pie.
You: Ooh, can we get some actual pie?
Big Mom: I like the way you think.
Brûlée: Bottling up negative emotions is bad for your health, so you shouldn't do it.
You: I know, that's why I bottle up all my emotions, both positive and negative, so it cancels out.
Brûlée: Th-that's not how that works-
Pudding: How the hell are you still alive?
You: Honestly, I’m just as confused as you are.
Katakuri: Would it be discrimination to only hire employees at my doughnut shop who have the same name?
You: Legally, I don't believe that breaches any discrimination laws. Morally though... I don't know.
Katakuri: I believe god is on my side when it comes to Duncans' Doughnuts.
You: Can I ask a dumb question?
Katakuri: Better than anyone I know.
Pudding: My expectations are low, but they can always go lower.
You: What’s up? I’m back.
Katakuri: I literally saw you die. You died. You were dead
You: Death is a social construct.
You: Why don't humans have a specific noise that means "there are bees here, let's leave immediately." Why are elephants more advanced than us.
Perospero: We do have a specific noise for it. It sounds like this:
Perospero: "There are bees here, let's leave immediately."
You: How many vampires do you think have been hit by a car backing up in a parking lot because the driver couldn’t see their reflection?
Big Mom: I’ve never considered it but you’re really shining light on what’s probably a very serious issue.
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Dude, the fact Kaido didn’t think he was having a stroke mid battle is beyond me.
Girly I woulda scrumed so FUCKING loud.
Old bastard just thinks he’s off his heart meds or some shit, perhaps he knows Nika and thinks this is some kinda divine punishment and accepts it; dude was STUNNED.
Picture your last minutes being thrown like a worm on a string to a ceiling fan for 3 minutes in your old powerful abusive age by Bullwinkle.
Like you’re winning for a long time, the enemy is down, you leave for two seconds and suddenly a GIANT HAND GRABS YOUR POWERFUL BODY AND BEATS YOU UNTIL HE THROWS YOU INTO HELL WITH YOUR EX WIFE.
Nah cause I’d be mad.
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