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#But I just hate seeing these things and then being made to feel like I'm a shit writer because I do them
a-fangirltrash · 1 day
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"Ford treated Fiddleford so bad!!" As if him treating Fidds like shit wasn't directly a product of being constantly gaslighted and abused by Bill.
I'm genuinely getting tired of people flaming Ford, but in a serious tone. Like people are acting like he's a toxic selfish man that used to put Fidd down... and... no he never did???
Ford ADMIRED Fiddleford, he TRUSTED his friend for what he described as "the project of his life" and Ford, being the most prideful man in the world, decided to ask for help because he knew how CAPABLE Fiddleford was.
When Fiddleford arrived Ford let him know how thankful he was that he was there with him, the man even took a bath and made sure to make him feel like he was at home. Ford even remembered his favorite bean brand?
When Fidd got traumatized by the gremoblin, Ford TRIED to help with what he knew. He tried to help him meditate, took days off for him, decided that they could go out and have some good time. Be mindful that this might've been the total OPPOSITE of what Bill wanted, and he still did for his friend sanity. Bill would make Ford work like CRAZY.
Also, for him it wasn't "putting him in danger!!" For him it was sharing adventures with his friend! Just like hi did with *cofcofSTANLEYcofcof*. That's love language all around.
Fiddleford could abandon the project anytime, but he didn't because he liked being there. And Ford is NOT the guilty one for Fidds creatinf the gun :/ it's nor his fault that fidd interpreted "using his creativity" in that way. Ford NEVER approved that gun.
Also, Ford noticed that RUBIK THING, HE APPREACITE HIM SO MUCH HE KNEW HIS HABITS. AND GOT CONCERNED RIGHT AHEAD.
"B-but he free Frilliam!" The portal was close, did you all READ how much gaslighted Ford was at that point? He didn't free it because "ugh i don't care about this shitty axolotl" but because Bill started to freak out and yell at him to get rid of it. Ford wrote "A friend" with a heart in the title??? Wdym he didn't appreciate it aaaagh
If Stanley took the diaries (i don't like this universe because...stanley:() he WOULD have looked for Fiddleford, they'd have made the Institute of Oddology, he'd have shared his success... with the man that helped him the most.
TBOB SPOILERS AHEAD
He got sad when Fiddleford told him he was gonna get back home to spent time with his family, he PLANNED holidays with him. Even if he DIDN'T like holidays.
He took a day off just to make him happy after his atrocious christmas party, he USED RESOURCES that as you know ford is the most practical mam in the world JUST to decorate the portal as a tree and make Fiddleford happy.
And that atuff of "h-he doesn't appreaciated Fiddleford gifts!" IS SO DUMB OMG, he wore the gloves in the snow and was incredibly thankful about them. When BILL that dumbass triangle pretty much LACERATED his hands, he used Fiddleford gloves as a way to hide those scars, and in a sense, probably to comfort himself because he was ALONE.
I think that was the reason of Fiddleford fast forgiveness, not only because he's a sweet heart, but because after fighting with Bill i think he noticed how BIG was the monster torturing his "partner".
And after all of this i'm not trying to excuse Ford treating him poorly and not listening to him in time
BUT FORD IS NOT A PERFECT VICTIM
Even if i believe he wasn't "the" (at least only) reason of Fiddleford becoming crazy, i know it could have been better for him and he could have avoided so much trauma. But can we please stop seeing Ford as a selfish, evil mad scientist and start seing him as a victim... of a terribly abusive relationship that checks in for all types of domestic abuse... please!!! Ford is not a perfect VICTIM Can we blame Bill!!!
All this rant is because there's certain ship... which i kinda like, but i just HATE HATE HATE the interpretation and how much they put Ford as a villian on it omg
Edit: fixed the use of word narcissism, since it might've been ableist! Replaced with words that actually relate to what i intended to say, instead of referencing a personality disorder
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barcaatthemoon · 2 days
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lover girl || kate martin x reader ||
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Kate comes to you needing a little love.
MINORS DNI, 18+, Smut warning.
You had never been with anybody as sweet as Kate Martin. It wasn't your fault, but you seemed to only ever attract womanizers and heartbreakers. For years, you had thought that you could fix them with love and care. Instead, all you had to show for it was heartbreak and despair.
Kate was different. Kate loved you just as much as you loved her, maybe even more. You had never even considered what it would be like to have a partner. Kate wasn't just your girlfriend or someone who you slept with after games. No, Kate Martin was your partner. She loved and cherished you even whenever you weren't doing what she wanted you to.
"Baby?" Kate called out. You had been up in your office finishing up a few things for work. Kate had gone out with some of the girls to play a pick up game at a park with some local kids. You loved that Kate was giving back to the new community who had accepted her as one of their own. Going from Iowa to Vegas was a big move, and you were happy that she had found her footing so easily.
You hadn't moved from Iowa, being a Las Vegas native. You were a friend of friend at first, but you and Kate had quickly hit it off. All it had taken was a bit of prodding from your friends and a night out on the town with Kate to kick off your relationship. The two of you took off running together and never dared to look back, and you were happier for it.
"I know that you were working, and it's honestly kind of late, but…" Kate trailed off as she cleared her throat. You turned around in your desk chair to see Kate looking like a nervous wreck. You pouted as you stood up and walked over towards her.
"Come on, talk to me," you told her. It was gentle prodding, something that you had learned from her. Both of you hated the idea of being a burden, so you were always hesitant to go to one another whenever you needed something.
"It's stupid, you're busy." Kate tried to turn away from you, but you didn't let her. You leaned up on your toes to press a kiss to her cheek. Kate was blushing when you started to pull away, and her arms held you tightly to keep you in close. "What are you working on?"
"Nothing really. I was watching YouTube," you admitted. Kate let out a small chuckle as she glanced back at your desktop. The video you'd been watching was paused, and Kate could see herself on the screen giving an interview. "What can I say? I'm kind of obsessed with you."
"It's okay, I am too." Kate had never shied away from how much she loved you. Your relationship moved fast, but you and Kate were good. Nothing felt rushed, you just enjoyed each other's company, and things just happened to align perfectly for both of you. "So much so that I was wondering if I could steal you away for a little bit?"
"Oh yeah?" you asked. Kate's hand subtly moved from the small of your back to rest on your ass. "What for?"
"I want you. I need to be close to you and feel you. Just for a little while, please. I need a bit of love," Kate said. She seemed close to begging with you, like she'd get on her knees if you asked. Lucky for her, you didn't want that from Kate. You wanted her to be happy, and if you were being honest, you always wanted Kate in that way. It was like an addiction almost, the thought of her taking you to bed every single night sitting in the back of your head during your every waking moment.
"Let's go." You hadn't even finished your sentence before Kate was scooping you into her arms. She carried you all the way from your little office to the bedroom. You wondered what Kate had been doing while you worked in your office. She had been back for maybe an hour or so before she had come to get you. The bed was still pristinely made from when she woke up, so you doubted that she had taken a nap.
"I love you," Kate mumbled against your lips. She placed a few clumsy kisses against your lips, waiting until you grabbed her face to pull her focus in. You tangled your fingers in her hair, tugging it out of the loose ponytail she had thrown it up in after her shower.
The two of you stayed entangled in each other as Kate set you down on the bed. Even as she undressed you, Kate was reluctant to move just half an inch away. She was being clingy, and you absolutely ate it up. You had never been with someone who wanted you so genuinely before, nor had you ever felt the same. There was nothing about Kate to fix, and yet, being with her filled you with a sense of happiness you had never known.
"I love you. I love you. I love you." Kate repeated again and again, each time pressing a kiss to your skin as she did so. She trailed kisses down your body, stopping just below your navel. Your pants were off, tossed somewhere on the ground near the hamper, but Kate had left your underwear on. She stared at you as she waited for you to tell her that she could continue. It didn't matter how comfortable the two of you were with each other, she always waited for you to give her permission when it came to the most vulernable parts of yourself. "Can I, please?"
"You're the only person I ever want to touch me like this," you told her. Kate blushed as she pulled your underwear down. She held eye contact with you, only allowing her eyes to dart down once you had looked away from her. Kate swallowed nervously, just she always did.
"Before I do anything." Kate moved up to give you a kiss before she settled back in between your legs. Your thighs were moved to rest on her shoulders as her arms looped around your hips. Kate was slow and gentle as she decorated the insides of your thighs in kisses. Finally, when you felt like you were on the verge of begging and pleading for more, Kate's lips pressed a kiss to your cunt.
Kate's fingers gently spread you open, revealing you to her completely. You threaded your fingers in Kate's hair, not pushing or pulling her in any direction. Her hands were busy, and you just wanted to holding onto her. Kate understood this, and let the fingers on her free hand move back and forth against your stomach.
You took deep breaths, matching the slow strokes of Kate's tongue. She was just trying to taste you. It wasn't about getting you off just yet, you still had a little ways to go until you got desperate. This was Kate's favorite part of things, when the two of you could just exist in this intimate space without any sort of push or pull going on.
"Fuck Kate, that feels so good," you moaned. Kate hummed her thanks as she brought her fingers up to rub against your clit. Your hips bucked forward, grinding against her fingers as her tongue lapped lazily at your entrance. Every drop of your arousal that she could get, Kate took. The strokes of her tongue began to grow feverish, and you knew that Kate was close to switching positions on you.
Her tongue replaced her fingers, and the two fingers that had been rubbing your clit were pushed inside of you. Kate let you move on her fingers, setting the rhythm and pace for her. She was quick to match your pace, long fingers grazing every spot you could have wanted her to in the process. Kate was good at what she did in every aspect of life, so you weren't embarrassed to come crashing down around her fingers so quickly.
Kate gently guided you through your orgasm. You felt light and airy, like the only thing keeping you from floating away was Kate's body on top of yours. She had pushed your legs from her shoulders, and now rested on top of you. Your hands were still in her hair, just barely scratching at her scalp. Kate was staring up at you when you finally glanced down at her, but you had no clue how long she'd been watching you for.
"Hi." Kate's smile was bright as she turned and pressed a kiss between your hips. She rolled completely onto her stomach and began to move higher up onto the bed. Now, it was your turn to lay against Kate as she opened her arms for you. "Shh, rest easy babe."
"Don't you-,"
"No, this was all I wanted. It's late. We can revisit this tomorrow when I get back from practice," Kate told you. You glanced over at the alarm clock, and she was right. Kate's practices for the next two weeks were all early ones, and it was nearly midnight already. "Do you need me to get you anything?"
"I'm fine. I can do it myself," you told her. Kate may have let you get up, but she still followed you around like a puppy. It was sweet how she still tried helping even with the easiest of tasks. You wanted her to get back in bed, but Kate didn't end up going back until you were comfortably tucked in beside her.
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hencheri · 3 days
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18+. mdni.
pairing: mean toxic bf!haechan x fem!reader
warnings: noncon, toxic relationship, gaslighting.
wc: 1.2k
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you're watching a movie in the living room, but you're distracted, focused on your thoughts instead of the flashing screen in front of you. it's 3 a.m. and you can hear haechan playing video games in your bedroom.
he hasn't talked to you for hours, hasn't said a word or even looked in your way. it's bothering you a lot. you have a constant knot in your stomach and your heart accelerates at the mere thought of haechan ignoring you.
you hate when he does this, it makes you feel bad. so fucking bad.
you get up from the couch, going to your bedroom. you push the door open, hesitantly walking in. you need to talk to him.
"hyuck?"
he stares at his computer's screen, pressing down on the keys of his keyboard, concentrated on his game. he has his headset on, maybe he hasn't heard you.
"johnny!" haechan calls into his microphone, "quick, come save me."
"hyuckie..." you stand beside him and you know he can see you from the corner of his eye. you bite down on your bottom lip, waiting for an answer that doesn't come.
he continues to play like you're not there. it upsets you so much, could he not be petty for once?
"we need to talk, please," you demand, still trying to get his attention. you know he hears you now since he's quiet.
a few seconds pass before he replies back, "we have nothing to say."
you sigh, exasperated. there are plenty of things you need to discuss about actually, and not just what happened a couple of hours ago. it makes you cringe thinking about the previous events, but you can't just brush it off, especially when haechan's still sour about it.
you were both in bed about to go sleep soon. he made a move, touching your hips up and down, pressing his crotch against your butt. you weren't in the mood, so you told him to stop. he didn't at first and you pushed him away, which really offended him.
he then turned on his pc before you could say anything and you went to the living to watch a movie, a poor attempt to forget about this ridiculous fight.
"but-" you begin, a little annoyed, "we do."
your voice is covered by johnny yelling something to haechan, once again ignored by your boyfriend. "here, here, here! i need to heal you," he yells back, fingers hurriedly pressing down on the keys, "shit, these guys are rough."
"hyuck-" you try, placing your hand on his arm, but he grabs your wrist before you can and shoves your hand away.
you frown, hurt by his action.
"what? we won!?" haechan exclaims, brows shooting up in surprise. you hear johnny talking back without deciphering his words. "ah, they missed the base," he laughs, "yeah, it was close."
he removes his headset and puts it on his desk. but he still decides to not acknowledge you, even when his game is done.
"please," you beg a bit desperately.
"what's the matter?" he sighs loudly, throwing his head back against the headrest of his chair.
"haechan! you've just ignored me the whole night! you can't always do that," you explain to him even though he'll probably only understand what he wants as usual.
he rolls his eyes, "yeah and it's always my fault, right?" he says.
"what- no, that's not-"
"it is," he affirms. he turns his head to you, "every time we so 'need to talk' it's about how i'm wrong, how i shouldn't do this or that, how i should just agree to everything you say and shut my mouth."
you're agape. is this really what he thinks you do? that you only want to complain about him?
"that's not true," you deny, "hyuck, i just want us to communicate, it's important."
he scoffs, "no, you're always the one talking. you don't actually want to hear what i have to say." he looks at you like he's hurt and you start wondering if he might be right. are you really that self-centred? "that's not really what i call communication, you know."
"do you ever ask yourself how i'm feeling? how constantly being rejected makes me feel?" he questions, his gaze not leaving you.
"i don't constantly reject you," you rectify. "sometimes i'm simply not in the mood to sleep with you..."
haechan winces upon hearing your words. "because you are for others?"
your eyes widen and your mouth falls open. that's not how you should have said it. "no, that's not what i meant-" but your boyfriend cuts you off, rising up from his gaming chair.
"yeah, no," he shakes his head, "you know what? i've had this feeling that you don't love me like you say you do." he goes around you and you follow him, wanting to reason with him, but he isn't done talking yet.
"we haven't fucked in days and the only thing you let me do is jerk off with your hand. how- how should i interpret that, huh?" haechan sounds genuinely hurt and upset, but that was never your intention to make him feel this way. how could he even doubt your love for him?
"hyuck, please, sit down," you ask, wrapping your hand around his arm to pull him back against you, but he slips away from you.
he turns around and faces you. "are you seeing someone else? is that why?" he suddenly bursts out and you're totally shocked.
"what? no way, how can you think that!?"
he approaches you and this time, you're the one stepping back until the back of your thighs hit the edge of the bed. you look up at haechan, heart beating faster and faster.
"you're not denying it," he points out, now only a few inches separating you from him. "you're cheating on me... how can you be so fucking heartless?"
you shake your head from side to side, gulping down. this isn't true. you've always stayed faithful to your boyfriend, but the knot in your throat prevents you from speaking up, eyes swelling up in tears.
he clasps his hand around your bicep, digging his fingers into your flesh, pulling you flushed to his chest.
"i can't believe it," he breathes out, "my girlfriend is a fucking whore."
you're still in shock when he crashes his mouth on you, smacking his lips to yours and pushing his tongue inside. your whines are muffled, weak hands pushing on his chest to get him off of you, but to no avail.
you fall on the bed and haechan crushes you with his weight, trapping you under him. you squirm around, not liking the way he doesn't listen to your protests and how he forces himself on you.
his lips descend to your neck, planting quick kisses as if he's in a hurry, going down to the valley of your breasts.
"hyuck, please, stop," you cry, but he doesn't listen.
his fingers hook into your shorts, pulling them down with your underwear, too. your breath is caught in your throat, only exhaling when you feel the familiar push of his cock inside of your unprepared pussy.
"you're mine," he moans, the squeeze of your cunt around him making him frown, "when will you finally understand it..."
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2blockseast · 2 days
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nights like this (logan howlett x gn reader)
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summary: plagued by memories of his ex-lover, logan seeks out their counterpart for comfort. author's note: hey y'all, i hope you're all doing well! i've been simmering on this one for awhile but uni has gotten in the way so it took some time to finish. i'm sorry if the ending feels abrupt... i again blame uni for stealing mental energy from me, lol. anyways, i hope you enjoy! please feel free to send requests. i appreciate you all, stay safe! writing is purposefully in all lowercase; mildly proofread. tags: worst!logan, readers gender not mentioned, human reader (both universes), angst, comfort, happy ending word count: 2,275
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nights like this
it was another sleepless night for logan. he was laying on the couch in wade’s apartment, staring at the ceiling and begrudgingly focusing on the deep ache in his chest. he felt weighted down both emotionally and physically, and despite his attempts to think of something positive, his mind kept drawing him back into the depths of his own despair. 
he was replaying every horrible thing that he had ever done, the memory of his murderous rampage at the forefront. his memories were horrifyingly vivid, with his the memory of the slaughter being so strong he swore he could smell blood. he could almost feel the slick of the blood against his hands, and he remembered how he had felt the fire within him rage on at the feeling. the ache in his chest only intensified at these memories, and logan began to feel his eyes welling with tears as his mind became further crowded with guilt.
he found himself thinking of you. it was nights like this when he needed your love most. the only mildly positive thing about his ability to recall memories so vividly was that he could remember every little thing about you. he thought about how your skin had felt, how you had smelled, the perfect curve of your jaw, your unwavering kindness, and your beautiful eyes that he had loved to lose himself in. he could feel his chest beginning to ache so much it hurt, but he continued to chase his memory of you despite the discomfort. 
logan had always loved you. in his universe, you had been his sun, moon, and stars. not a moment went by that he didn’t think of you. he would follow you around like a lost puppy, doing anything he possibly could to make you feel loved and appreciated. despite his longstanding rough demeanor, you had found a way to soften him. everyone in the x-mansion loved you in your own right, but they loved your positive impact on logan more. you knew how to read his soul and you encouraged him to be kinder to himself, which, in turn, made him kinder to everyone else. you made him a better man. 
but as much as he loved you, and no matter how much he seemed to improve, he had always loved one thing more: hating himself.
when the x-men had been slaughtered, logan’s anger had surfaced in a way nobody had ever thought possible. he didn’t know what to do with all his misery, so he turned it into rage. the nation had watched his murderous rampage through their televisions, and the worldwide fear of mutants only intensified. if people didn’t feel safe before, they certainly didn’t now. 
you had tried to call him a million times when you saw the news, pleading with him to come to your apartment, begging him to come see you, assuring you everything would be okay if he came home. you knew that the brutality of the x-men’s murders had shaken him to his core and that this anger– this rage– was nothing more than a secondary emotion. you promised him that you would take care of him, that you could get through this pain together– he just had to come home to you. 
logan had seen your myriad of calls. he had read your hundreds of frantic– then loving– then desperate– then comforting– then begging texts. he had thought about calling you, but he knew he would never be able to bring himself to do it. he had sat in the woods, covered in blood, longing to crawl into your bed. he felt jagged, and he ached for your softness. but your opposing personalities were what pained him so deeply. he had committed a horrible crime, and no matter how much he wanted to believe that you meant it when you said you could make everything okay, he knew that you couldn’t. he would have to accept that he had ruined everything. 
in his heart, logan knew that you could ease some of his pain. he knew that seeing you, even for a moment, would bring him some relief. he knew you couldn’t make everything okay, but you would at least bring him some semblance of joy in the wake of his grief. but he also knew that he didn’t deserve it. logan had never thought himself deserving of you in the first place, but now he knew that he definitely wasn’t. not only did he not deserve you, but you didn’t deserve him. you didn’t deserve to be responsible for such a monster of a man.
he had messaged you: “i’m sorry, i can’t do this. i hope things work out for you. i’m sorry” before blocking your number. 
even now, all these years later, after saving the multiverse and finding himself again, he longed for you. he wished he could go back to your apartment and apologize a hundred times over. he would get down on his knees and beg for your forgiveness. he would smile like a schoolboy as he told you about all the great things he had done, how he had redeemed himself. he imagined you holding his face in your hands, gently stroking his stubble as you comforted him. he imagined you telling him that everything was okay, that you had waited for him all these years, that you still had the same books on your shelves, that your bedroom was still decorated the same and you still wore the same fragrance. 
logan was aching for your touch more than he ever had. he considered going to wade for comfort, which he quickly realized was a horrible idea. the only thing that could make him feel better was you. 
logan didn’t know how he felt about the idea that came to him then. 
he thought about wade’s version of you and how you had met when they had just returned from their multiverse-saving adventure. he remembered how his heart skipped a beat when he saw you again, as beautiful as ever. logan had been pining over you since then, but part of him felt guilty for it. he didn’t know if you had ever known earth-10005’s version of logan– the “best” logan, as some might say– but he guessed that you didn’t considering how happy you seemed. you had always been kind to logan, but he couldn’t help but feel that you were slightly disappointed that the version of the wolverine that wade brought back home wasn’t as amazing as the anchor being that had died. 
after your first few interactions, you seemed to start avoiding him. he hoped he hadn’t done something to upset you or drive you away, but wade had told him that you had always been a bit reserved, especially around new people. “just like i remember”, he found himself thinking. his version of you had been reserved before you two had started dating, and he hoped that maybe the same thing was happening now.
he knew that he wasn’t this world’s logan, and you weren’t his world’s you, but he wanted to wrap himself in your arms nonetheless. he considered going to your apartment just to see you, even if just for a second. he didn’t know if it would make him feel better or worse and he felt bad for even thinking about burdening this untainted version of you with his issues, but he couldn’t help himself. he groggily got up from the couch, throwing on sweatpants and a shirt before heading to see you.
unsurprisingly, you were surprised to see logan in your doorway so late at night. 
“hey, logan,” you said groggily, a bit flustered. “are you okay?”
he looked at your face in the dim light of your apartment, taking it all in.
“yeah, yeah. i’m good,” he stopped, feeling himself hesitate. he wondered if this was a total douchebag move, waking you up in the middle of the night for his own comfort. deciding he had nothing to lose but sleep, he asked, “can i come inside?”.
you stepped aside, still half-asleep. he came in, looking around as he took his shoes off. his heart warmed at the fact that everything was more-or-less decorated the same. you had the same books, the same houseplants, the same coffee table. he couldn’t stop himself from wondering if you could also have the same feelings for him, considering how similar you were to the you that he had fucked up. 
“is something wrong?” you asked, snapping him out of his thoughts.
“no, nothing's wrong,” he said. “i just needed to… i needed someone”.
flattered that logan had come to you for comfort, you said: “oh, well i hope i can be that someone for you”.
“you always were” he thinks to himself.
“but,” you start, looking a bit dejected. “i have to work tomorrow and i really need to sleep”.
“oh,” logan says, feeling bad that he’s stealing sleep from you. “i don’t need anything special, just being here helps”.
“oh, that makes me happy!” you reply. “how about we just rest together?”
his heart warmed at the thought. seeing the faint blush on his cheeks and feeling his excitement, you giggle and start walking to your bedroom. logan follows, feeling his heart begin to glow at the chance to be close to you. 
throwing back the covers, you settle into your bed. logan looked around your room, decorated just how he remembered. your bed was still snug in the corner of the room, the same desk by the window, the same faint smell of your favorite fragrance lingering in the air. logan felt like he was about to start crying at how happy it made him. he had been in your room a million times, and he could replay every memory you two had shared together here. even though logan had technically lived at the x-mansion, you had always referred to the apartment as as your guys’ home, as if you owned it together. logan had always loved that what was yours was also his. he noticed now that the only things missing from this room were his flannels you had “borrowed”, as well as the photos of the two of you posted on the walls. 
you yawned, patting the space beside you on the bed. 
“are you coming?” you asked.
logan looked at you, laying in your bed in your sleepwear, looking at him expectantly. he nodded, slipping into bed beside you.
you lifted your arm, inviting him to rest his head on your chest, and logan’s heart skipped a beat. you had always been kind to him, but you had never been affectionate like this. he wondered if you were being so inviting because you genuinely liked him or if you were just too tired to be closed off. either way, he nestled himself beside you, pulling up the covers.
you rested your hand on top of his head, slowly breathing in and out. he could hear your heartbeat, gentle and consistent. he closed his eyes, soaking up the purity of this moment.
“i know you need to sleep,” he said, breathing out. “but can i ask you a question?”
you giggled, chest rising. “sure, logan”
“did you ever know this world’s wolverine?”
you stopped for a moment, looking at the ceiling contemplatively. 
“no, i didn’t,” you replied. “it would have been cool, though. why do you ask?”
“just curious,” he said. he couldn’t tell if knowing that made him feel better or worse– at least you couldn’t compare him to the honorable anchor being that had passed.
“did you ever know your world’s me?” you giggled. logan could tell you meant it as a joke, you didn’t expect him to have ever known you. 
“funnily enough, i did” he replied, squeezing his eyes shut in anticipation. his heart rate increased and he hoped this wouldn’t ruin the moment– he didn’t want you thinking he was only there to pretend you were his version of you. he liked both versions of you, and he wasn’t in your bed to live in the world as he wanted it to be. he knew you were your own unique person, even if you were similar to the you he had loved.
“oh,” you said, surprised. monotone, you added: “that’s cool.” 
logan tensed again. he couldn’t tell if you had replied monotone because you were too tired to be expressive or if you were preparing yourself to kick him out.
“what was i like?” you asked, surprising him. your fingers began running through his hair and he leaned into the familiar sensation.
“you were awesome, just like you are now,” he breathed out. “you lived in this same apartment… at least when i knew you”
“why did you stop knowing me?”
logan thought for a second.
“i did some bad stuff… cut you off. i hadn’t seen you in, i don’t know, five years?”
“oh,” you said quietly. your breath hitched as you worked up the confidence to say: “i don’t know if this is weird, but… what were we?”
logan’s breath hitched. “lovers, i guess”
you hummed. “i bet we were nice”
logan let out a low, pained laugh. “we were really nice”
“y’know,” you started after a long silence, hesitating. “i think we could be nice now, too”
logan froze, surprised. “y'think?”
“yeah,” you said, smiling. “i think that with time, we could be very, very nice… if you’re up to try”
“i would love to try,”  logan smiled. “i would try with you a million times”
you hummed, content with his answer. “i think i would like that”
logan relaxed, settling into your side. he breathed a sigh of relief, reveling in the warm feeling of your affection. he drifted to sleep, the memories that plagued him replaced with the new, softer memory of getting to love you once again.
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harksness · 2 days
Text
No Going Back
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Summary: An incurable illness plagues you, something one of a kind that has never been seen before. It corrupts magic, leaving you unable to use your powers without risking death or worse. Someone wants all of your unused power themselves, and a reluctant Agatha Harkness is convinced to keep you safe after some bribing.
A/N: aaa I've had the idea for this for like 2yrs now!!! I'm super excited to be finishing it and posting it finally!! It's my first in depth, planned fanfic and I'm super excited to share it I hope you guys like it <3
(Also lowk paranoid that some of the creative decisions I made for this fic are gonna end up being explained in the show so just nevermind that if it happens we're just here for some fun romance and smut with Agatha ok)
WC: 3k
Anxiety gnaws away at your insides as you flick on your blinker, knuckles tightening around the steering wheel as you turn down that familiar dirt road that you hate so much. That long, winding dirt road that also leads to the house that you hate so much.
You try the breathing exercises your therapist taught you. The slow, calculated inhales, the holding your breath, and slow calculated exhales, but it does nothing to relieve the feeling in your chest that’s suffocating you. 
The cars headlights cut through the darkness, thick layers of tall, old trees swarming each side of the road as their branches bow overhead. You can’t even see the night sky through the thick layers of leaves.
You’re positive that if you had consulted your therapist about this little visit before coming, she would have told you that it’s not a good idea. That reopening old wounds after basically being no contact for four years would undo a lot of healing and hard work. 
But, when you listened to your fathers urgent voicemail, you knew you needed to come. You had no choice. The deal you made with him before leaving was more than fair. He agreed to leave you alone and only contact you if it was a necessary emergency. And you agreed to that more than fair deal.
He wanted you to be as far away from him as possible, and you wanted the same thing. To be far, far away from him and any reminders of what happened to you, your childhood and the toxic magical community you grew up in.
You’re sure that you were only able to get away because of your little defect. And because after your mother died, he immediately remarried and your father didn’t waste time popping out plenty of new babies, pureblooded heirs that could flawlessly wield their old blood magic unlike you.
If your father called you back home you know it’s a serious, urgent matter. And that only makes your chest grow tighter as you turn the last bend and your childhood home comes into view.
“Well.. Here we go..”
You grumble to yourself, the tall, menacing house looming over you amongst all of the trees. The night sky actually cuts through these parts, the moonglow illuminating the house and its surroundings as you pull up to the front door. Immediately you kill the engine and shift your car into park, leaning forward to peer up at the house.
The pristine white under the moonlight makes it look like it’s glowing. It stands tall and proud and perfect, no chipping or dirt in sight. A black roof sits on top, perfectly black framed windows spread along the sides of the house, and not a single one is lit up with evidence of life. Curiously, you keep peering, checking for a sign of anyone being in the house. With a deep breath you grab your keys and your bag and exit the car.
It’s dead silent, save for the sound of crickets and the rustling of leaves in the trees when a soft breeze blows through. You pause as you take a deep breath to steady yourself. Cautiously, you walk around to the other side of the house, leaning over and peering just enough to see if any lights were turned on. 
Nope. Nothing. All of the windows are black as pitch. You groan, pinching your eyes shut as you try to soothe yourself by rubbing your fingers on your forehead.
Whatever. You’ll just go inside and call your father. You’d be dead meat if you left without his permission, anyways. He sounded very urgent. Deathly urgent. With a deep exhale pushing past your lips, you walk back around the house, the wind chilling your cheeks as you start to make your way up the front steps. 
No door handle, just a block of smooth painted wood that looks like a door. A wave of exhaustion overtakes you as you press your palm to the smooth center of the wood, your features dropping as an electric blue glow flows in ripples over the door before it parts for you, splitting down the middle and swinging open.
The main hall is eerily dark and you have to force yourself to move forward. The moonlight is bright enough to where you can see, but everything is shadowed. The hall stretches out far, down the length of the entire house before leading to the wide, open stairs that would take you up to the expansive second level. 
A hard, loud slam echoes through the halls and shakes the house. It’s enough for you to let out a scream and jump as you fling yourself around to the source of the noise, noticing the front doors are sealed closed. Your face scrunches in confusion at the sight. It should just.. Close like a normal door as soon as you are comfortably in the threshold of the house. Never have you seen it linger or slam like that before, not even in your years growing up here.
You sigh, deciding to brush it off even though you know something is wrong, more so because you know that you’re incapable of protecting yourself like a normal witch would be able to so gaslighting yourself is just the easier option for now.
Besides, whatever’s wrong can’t be life endangering to you. The property is warded and safe, it’s basically impossible to get through to the house let alone inside of it. Hundreds of years of magical wards and barriers make sure of that. So, you grab your phone out of your coat pocket, your fingers cold as you pull up your fathers contact and press the call button.
You raise the phone to your ear as the sound of the monotonous chimes ring through the silent rooms as you pass through them, cautiously walking into the family room. The sound of your boots is muffled by the thick carpet as you walk over it to peer out of the window. The wind rushes against the side of the house, the echo of the noise whispering through the silent halls of your childhood home.
“Okay, I’m at the house. What’s going on and where are you? Please… Just call me back.”
Lowering the phone with a tense sigh, you drop it back into your coat pocket before turning back to the window. You decide to analyze the treeline for any sign of something being off, and you see something that makes your heart drop into the pit of your stomach.
One of the protective runes carved into one of the trees has been singed off. You can tell by the sizzling burn marks that it was magic, the bark of the tree burned all the way through and to the wood underneath, leaving no sign of the runes that were previously there. Your throat dries up.
Whoever did that had to have broken through two other protective barriers on the property. It’s tough magic and in order to break through it… You’d need some scarily powerful magic on your side.
There’s only been a few times over the decades since the house was built that someone has been able to break through the protective barriers. The last time was when your mother was assassinated and you were left for dead when you were a child.
You can’t stop the panic from bubbling in your chest this time, not knowing what to do or how to protect yourself. Your mind is frantic as you search for a solution, your hand moving to fist the pendant hanging from your neck, but something catches your eye and you freeze. In the reflection of the window you see her, a woman reclining in your fathers favorite chair. The back of the extravagant, plush red chair reaches high, the woman is slumped down in it, her black heeled boots dangling over one armrest of the chair as she gently swings her feet back and forth, the fabric of her purple skirt swaying with each movement.
Her body is twisted just a bit so that her front is tilted towards you, her chin resting in her palm. She’s donning a very traditionally witchy getup. Her wild, brown curls fall off of her head in crazy waves as it cascades over her shoulders. Her lips are quirked in the snarkiest smirk you’ve ever seen, your chest tightening even further when you notice her bright blue eyes are planted right on you. 
You whip around to face her, your eyes widening when you see her with your own two eyes and not in the window's reflection, confirming this is real and not a figment of your imagination.
“Oh my goodness! It took you long enough to notice me! If this were a horror movie, or if I actually wanted to kill you, you would’ve been dead the second those doors slammed shut, sweetheart.”
The woman's smooth voice has a taunting edge to it. She swings her feet over and around and they land against the carpet with a dramatic thump! before she pushes herself out of the chair and onto her feet.
“Thank god I don’t want to kill you.”
Her smirk drops into a warning smile, her voice doing the same. You’re gripping your pendant so tightly that you can feel it cutting into the skin of your palm.
“What do you mean? What do you want?”
You ask, your voice shaky and soft. She drops her gaze to your fist, pointing at it.
“That’s what I want.”
Her eyes meet yours again as she takes a few steps towards you. 
“Are you gonna be a good girl and give it to me? Or do I have to take it from you?”
She holds out her hand, and that’s when your gaze catches on the pendant on her neck. Your eyes widen in horror, taking a slow step backwards.
Every witch knows about Agatha Harkness. About her long list of crimes, both magical and not. Especially those of you connected to the elder families. She’s successfully stolen from some, even killed a few. She was a suspect in your mothers murder and your assault, but was ruled out for having been out of the country at the time.
“Why do you want it?”
You stutter through the sentence, trying to distract her for a moment as you mentally prepare yourself for what you’re about to do. You just keep hoping, praying to whatever god is listening, that you can get your magic to work right just this once.
“Stop stalling, honey.. You know exactly why I want it.”
You take her words as your signal to call on your magic, and it appears in a sickly blue-ish yellow glow, enveloping you as you feel it wash over you, turning you invisible. You start cursing internally, knowing your magic won’t last long enough to keep you safe. But you have to try something. 
You don’t know what to do. Just run to your car, which probably won’t work, hide, which also probably won’t work, or somehow try to distract her which is your best bet but also probably won’t work.
So, you start booking it down the hall, the hard thumps of your feet on wood rattling through the old house as you dart for the stairs. Your fingers wrap around the bannister and you start running up the steps, taking them two steps at a time as you desperately search your mind for a good place to hide. 
“It’s funny you think you can hide, sweetheart.”
Agatha calls after you, and you can already hear her making her way up the stairs. She’s taking her time as she follows after you. You bolt down the hall, finding your old bedroom. When you throw open the door you’re not surprised to see that they renovated it, it seems to be an art studio for your step mother now.
You step back into the hallway, remaining invisible as you quietly move out of the way. Agatha is making her way down the hall, her robes and long hair flowing dramatically behind her as she approaches the door you flung open.
“Oh, come on.. Just make this easier for the both of us and come on out.”
She laughs as she sticks her head into the room, surveying it. She must be suspicious that you’re not actually in there. You take the opportunity to do something you’ve never tried before, something stupid that could kill you- and you call on your magic.
You raise your hand, closing your eyes as you carefully begin to draw your power from the pendant around your neck. It’s unstable in its pure form like this, your anxiety bubbling in your chest as you draw it into your hand, feeling it crackle and pop like a fire. You feel the invisibility spell wash off of you like water, your fingers flicking backwards in time with the powerful bursts of magic.
You build the magic steadily, higher and higher as you wait for her to turn around.
When she finally does, you twist your arms, using all of your strength to fling the yellow-blue ball of magic right into the woman. She flies backwards, and you hear the crashing noises as she falls right into all of the easels and canvases.
Peering through the door, you see her in a clump on the floor with the broken and tattered art supplies. She blows a long piece of thick brown hair that hand landed in her face out of the way with a dramatic puff of her lips.
“I thought you couldn’t use magic..”
Agatha grumbles as she climbs to her feet, dusting herself off. She pauses, an uneasy look overtaking her face.
“What.. What was that?”
She groans, wrapping her arms around her stomach where your magic had landed. You let out a breathy, surprised laugh. 
“What did you do to me!? I thought you couldn't use magic!”
Agatha yells at you, rage seeping through her voice as it booms in the halls of the house. Fear grips you again as you straighten up, not bothering to give her an explanation.
She groans out in pain behind you, and you start running. Your feet heavy thumps as you book it down the hall, thinking you finally got a chance.
Not only does she need to realize what's happening to her, she needs to purge it from her body. Someone that powerful shouldn't have an issue dealing with it, but fighting it out should stall just long enough for you to get away.
Or so you thought.
Something hits you so hard that you fall to the ground, landing roughly on your right arm. The force of your body hitting the hard wood beneath you causes your head to snap against the floor too, a loud yelp of pain pushing out of your throat as pain shoots in hot flashes across your skull and down your arm.
A few seconds later you’re blinking dumbly as you try to regain your senses, your head ringing and vision blurry from your hard fall. Your eyes roll in your head, a groggy groan escaping your lips as you desperately try to pick yourself off the ground.
Your right arm is stuck. Shoulder to hand, as if it’s superglued to the wood beneath you. Desperately you pull on your arm, trying to sit up to no avail as you hear the woman approaching you from behind.
You’re basically a bug that walked into a sticky trap, helpless as you watch your impending demise approach you. You turn your head to the sound of boots on the wooden floor, seeing Agatha sauntering towards you, purple skirt swaying around the ankles of her black boots. You’re just barely able to make out a coherent thought through all of the pain and fog clouding your mind- you’re fucked.
Your heart is pounding in your chest, your head throbbing in time with every beat as the woman crouches down before you. You’re unable to focus on her features, desperately wincing and pinching your eyes shut to try and get rid of the pain. Her fingers wrap around your jaw, biting softly into your cheeks as she focuses your lolling head on her gaze.
“I’m sorry.. I didn’t mean for you to hit the ground that hard. Don’t wanna risk damaging that pretty face, hm?”
You blink rapidly as she starts to come into focus. You try to gargle out a response, but find yourself unable to as pain shoots through your skull. She coos at you with wide eyes, raising her free hand to run softly over the top of your head.
“At the very least, there’s gonna be a bump. At the very most, a concussion.. I really am sorry, but I needed this-”
Her hand is reaching towards your neck. Panic spikes in your chest when you realize she’s going to grab your necklace.
“N-no!”
You force the word past your lips in a desperate stutter, your voice echoing through the long hall so loudly that it surprises you. The witch before you even seems a bit taken off guard, curling her fingers back as she retreats her hand only slightly.
“What’s wrong with your magic..”
She asks, her voice soft and firm as her eyes narrow at you in curiosity. Panic is bubbling in your chest, rising in your throat.
“I don’t know.”
You whisper in return, before that all too familiar flash of blue-yellow magic lights up between the two of you. Agatha raises her hands, manifesting a wide, purple shield the exact moment your unstable magic collides with it. A loud noise sounds right when it collides with hers, shaking the house and echoing loudly in your ears. Your head flies in the opposite direction at the force, smacking against the floor once again as your vision goes black.
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albertasunrise · 2 days
Text
Work Wife - Two
Masterlist
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Summary: Working as a Secretary and Miller & Sons c”Construction, you fall hopelessly in love with the eldest son Joel. What you don’t realise is that Joel’s completely in love with you too. What will it take for the two of you to realise whats’s right in front of you?
Pairing: Young Joel Miller x Reader
Warnings: Like AO3, I choose not to give any so the plot isn’t spoiled. This fic is 18+ (So here’s the first chapter as promised! I hope you all enjoy. Let me know what y’all think ♥️… I wrote half of this on my iPad so sorry for mistakes 😅)
Series Masterlist - One
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After two days of you being frosty towards Joel and Joel desperately trying to make up for whatever he had done to upset you, you decided that it was pointless to be upset with him. He hadn't known your reasoning for going to his house so the fact he had a girl there wasn't really a valid reason to be angry at him.
If you were being honest you were more angry at yourself. Your pride had been wounded and that was something that you needed to work through on your own. So by Wednesday, you were somewhat back to being smiley and sweet but there was still a tension there that you knew would take time to dissipate. You just hoped that your date with Simon would take your mind off what had happened.
Your second date with Simon went even better than the first. He was sweet, taking you to a restaurant he remembered you mentioning you loved, and after, he took you for a few drinks at a new gin bar that had opened up. So inevitably, two dates turned into three.
It felt like with each interaction you shared with Simon, the less seeing Joel every day, and knowing that he didn't return your feelings, hurt you. What you didn't realise was that your budding new relationship with Simon was tearing Joel apart. Simon couldn't help but gush to the other contractors about how special you were or how amazingly things were going.
How he was starting to think that you might be the one.
That statement made Joel want to find a remote canyon so that he could lob Simon into it. Yet he knew he had no right to feel jealous. It's not like he'd ever had the guts to go for it. It was his own fault that he was suffering now. Yet that didn't make him hate Simon any less. What he hated more was you talking to him about the dates that his 'so-called' friend was taking you on.
It was killing him.
"Oh Joel, you would have loved the walk Simon and I went on over the weekend." You gushed as you sipped at your coffee "I would show you some pictures but I'm still waiting for them to come back from the developers so…"
"That's fine." Joel replied, trying to keep his tone from sounding as pained as he felt.
"Perhaps you could take Eliza there sometime." You continued, completely oblivious to his torment "It's so romantic and-"
"Eliza and I are just casual." Joel interrupted and you couldn't help but snort.
"Please." You rasped "She's practically living with you now. Fuck buddies don't spend most nights together."
"We're just hanging out."
"And I'm the Queen of England." You rolled your eyes and how oblivious he was to what was going on straight in front of him "If you're just looking for casual then perhaps you need to tell her that."
"I did! I have…" He argued, his hip cocking to one side as he rested his on it.
"Well, perhaps you need to have that conversation with her again because from an outsider's point of view. You and her seem pretty serious."
Joel's stomach twisted at the thought that he was leading Eliza on. She was sweet and he liked her but he wasn't looking to settle down. Not yet.
"Talk to her Joel." you said sweetly as you placed your hand on his "Don't lead her on."
So talk to her he did.
Eliza was in the kitchen when he returned that evening. There was already a tense atmosphere hanging over the house as he entered but he didn't have time to ponder why. Not when he needed to get things out in the open.
"Hey." He said gingerly as he stepped into the kitchen and Eliza turned to greet him.
"You're back late." She stated as she placed a plate of food down in front of him before sitting on the chair across from him, her arms crossed.
"Meeting with the wood supplier ran late." He replied and Eliza nodded.
"Eat up." She said, watching him then as he nervously pushed his food around his plate, little appetite when he had an anvil hanging over his head.
"What's the matter with you this evening?"
"I don't think we should do this anymore?" He stated simply, eyes drifting from his plate to Eliza.
"Can I ask why?"
"When we started 'this' up, I told you that I wasn't looking for anything serious and well… it's been brought to my attention that it kinda has and that I need to be honest with you… Make sure I'm not stringing you along."
"And who said that you are?" She demanded and Joel shook his head.
"It doesn't matter… what matters is that I don't want to-"
"Was Pip wasn't it?" Eliza growled "You know she has feelings for you right? Only reason she's seeing shit that's not there."
"Eliza… Pip, doesn't have feelings for me. This is just about us and I-"
"You really are blind aren't you." Eliza cackled and Joel stopped in his tracks.
"Blind to what?"
"Pip is head over heels for you… She told me so herself back when we went for those work drinks and I-"
"She told you that?" Joel interrupted and Eliza huffed before nodding "She told you she was in love with me?"
"Well, her exact words were that she was crazy about you but she knew you didn't feel the same and so she's never told you." Eliza waved off the statement like she wasn't telling Joel everything he'd ever wanted to hear.
Were you crazy about him?
"Look, I told you that I didn't want anything serious either and I still don't." Eliza stated as she shrugged "If this has gotten a little too cosy then we can cool it."
Joel wasn't really sure what to say. The information that you possibly feel the same way for him is running laps around his head.
"Joel?"
"Right… yeah… sorry." He said and he shook his head and returned to reality "Look I still think it's best that we just call it quits." He stated plainly, wincing at the growl it pulled from Eliza.
"Fine." She practically spat at him, getting up abruptly and grabbing her stuff as she went "I'll see myself out."
Joel didn't even get a chance to speak before she was slamming the door behind her. Leaving him to ponder over the events that had just transpired. What should he do?
Should he talk to you about it?
Is that what you had come here to talk to him about all those weeks ago?
It would explain your reaction to Eliza being there.
He knew he couldn't, not, talk to you about this. He needed to know whether or not you still felt something for him, because if you did he wanted to fight for you. For with you, he wanted something real.
Months went by before Joel plucked up the courage to talk to you. Each time he decided it was time, he talked himself out of it. Whether it was a story that you or Simon had told him about your latest adventures as the world's most perfect couple or just him watching the two of you together. But, finally, he had decided that enough was enough… He needed to be honest with you and lay his cards out on the table. He had thought long and hard about what it was he wanted to say and so had arranged for the two of you to meet up for a coffee on Saturday. This wasn't a conversation that he wanted to have with you in the office.
He still had to labour through an afternoon of Simon gushing to the guys about how things were going with the two of you and up until now it had been fairly easy to drone it out.
"So you two finally did the deed huh?" Piped up a voice, grabbing Joel's attention.
Joel had known that you and Simon hadn't been intimate yet. You had confided in him about how you had never been with anyone and that you wanted to save yourself for the right guy. Obviously, you had decided that Simon was that guy.
"Fuck did we." Simon practically growled "Was so worth the wait… Girl's so hot… we-"
"Let's not discuss such personal matters at work, hey chaps?" Joel tried to sound calm but his stomach was twisting in knots.
The knowledge that you and Simon had been intimate was tearing him up inside. Had Eliza been wrong about your feelings for him? Had she lied? Either way, he wasn't sure what to do with the knowledge that you and Simon were now sleeping together.
"Come on boss…" Teased Rick, one of Joel's youngest employees "Just 'cus ya jealous."
"What?" Joel growled as he turned to face the younger man.
"Well, the guys all told me how you're sweet on Si's girl. It's not his fault you missed your shot."
Joel felt his anger start to boil over as he said "Keep it professional Rick or you'll be looking for new employment." Walking away then to cool down.
You were just clearing the dishes away whilst Simon wiped down the sides, always the gentleman. 8 months had shot by in the blink of an eye and it felt like he'd blended so perfectly into your home life. It was like the two of you had always done this. Things were so seamless.
"So Joel threatened to fire Rick today." He stated as he wiped his hands dry with a dishcloth.
"Really?" You asked and your brows shot up in surprise "Why?"
"We were talking about you and me and Rick kinda ribbed Joel a bit." Simon replied, shrugging.
"Ribbed him how?"
"We were just talking about how you and I had… well you know and Joel got pissed. Rick kinda teased him about how he's sweet on you and how he missed out on his chance with you."
"One, I'd rather you didn't discuss our sex life with my colleagues… Two, Joel's not sweet on me he's with Eliza and three… even if he was, that's a pretty dickish thing to do." You admonished and Simon chuckled as he replied.
"Joel is still very much sweet on you and he and Eliza broke up."
"What?" You were shocked to learn this information and hurt that Joel hadn't told you.
"Yeah, been like 6 or 7 months now… guys probably got blue balls." Simon chuckled as he tossed the dishcloth in his hands onto the counter.
You'd always talked about everything Joel and so to learn that he had broken things off with Eliza and he hadn't talked to you about it stung a little. Had things between you really become that strained? They hadn't been the same since you'd gone to his house to talk to him about how you felt. They certainly hadn't been since you had started dating Simon.
"You're not sweet on him are you?" Asked Simon, pulling you from your thoughts.
"Hmm?" You hummed as you looked at your boyfriend who was watching you closely, analysing every expression that crossed your face.
"Joel, you aren't sweet on him too are you?"
The colour drained from your face as your mouth moved to answer him but no words left your lips. The longer you took to respond, the more frustrated Simon grew.
"You are, aren't you?"
"Simon…"
"No, don't try and spin me any bullshit." He growled out and you flinched at his tone "Are you in love with Joel… Yes or no?"
"Yes… but-"
"I need to leave." Simon choked as he threw his hands up when you tried to reach for him "I can't be around you right now."
"Simon please…" You pleaded but he was having none of it.
He just grabbed his stuff and left.
Leaving you sobbing in his wake. \
You sat in the cafe you and Joel had arranged to meet at, your eyes red raw from crying all night and most of this morning. You were sipping on an overly sweet latte. Needing the sugar to try and boost your mood. Joel was already ten minutes late but that wasn't unusual for them man. No doubt he'd be stumbling through the cafe doors in a few moments, huffing and puffing whilst he rambled on about what it was that had delayed him.
Only after half an hour… he still wasn't there.
You were on your second sugary coffee and coming to the painful realisation that Joel had stood you up. Who gets stood up by their best friend? Well, it would seem that you do and you wondered if it was because of what Simon had told you yesterday. How Rick had teased Joel about missing out with you when he'd learned you'd lost your virginity to the man you'd been going steady with for almost 9 months. That thought made you go from sad to plain pissed.
Was he seriously going to stand you up because he was jealous that you had slept with Simon?
Finishing your coffee you stomped out the door and towards your car. You weren't going to let him get away with this. Not after everything you had been through in the last 12 hours.
You don't recall the drive to Joel's house but you feel your anger flare when you see his truck on his drive. You pull up behind him, get out of the car, then make a point of slamming the door in the hope that he'll hear you coming.
You were pounding on the door, not caring if you were attracting attention. You wanted answers and you wanted them now. An exhausted Joel opened the door and you felt anger flare at the thought that he'd stood you up because he'd slept it.
"Pip this isn't-"
"A good time?" You growled, "It never is Joel."
"Please, I'm sorry I stood you up but-"
"No, I'm going to speak." Venom dropped from your words as you poked his chest "Simon told me what happened yesterday and I just can't believe that you would stand me up because I slept with the man I had been dating for over half a year!"
"That's not… I didn't stand you up on purpose I-"
"You what? You overslept? Your latest conquest only just left?" You barged past him with a strength you didn't know you possessed as you started to look around the house.
"Pip-"
"Where is she… where is the reason you decided to stand me up the morning after Simon broke up with me." You choked as your hurt started to slip through the cracks.
"Simon dumped you?" Joel asked and you nodded "Why?"
"Because I'm in love with you Joel… and I-"
"Do you want to scream any louder?" Growled Joel's mother as she walked down the stairs with a bundle in her arms "You're lucky she's so milk drunk. Not even the apocalypse would wake her right now." She said as she handed Joel what you could now see was a newborn with a gorgeous caramel complexion.
"Oh, Pip sweetheart, so lovely to see you." Said Mrs Miller as she pulled your stunned body into an awkward hug "It's been a bit of a mad house for the past 12 hours." She chuckled as she walked over to Joel to give him a kiss on the cheek before pecking the baby's brow. "I'll let Joel catch you up, I need to get diapers and formula. Will be as quick as I can sweetheart."
"Thanks, Mum." He said, smiling at her as she waved at you all and left.
Finally leaving you and Joel alone with this tiny baby you had just learned about.
"You… You have a baby." It wasn't a question.
Joel nodded as he looked down at the tiny person in his arms, a sweet smile gracing his lips as he brought her brow to his lips.
"I have a baby." He confirmed and you let out a shaky breath as you continued to stare at her.
"Is she…?"
"Eliza's?" He finished for you and you nodded "Yeah." He replied as he walked towards his couch and carefully sat himself down, watching as you followed him and sat down beside him "She came by last night. Dumped her in my arms and said she was mine and that she wanted nothing to do with being a mother."
Your eyes snapped to his at this statement and found him looking at you with a tearful expression "Left me enough formula to last me till tonight. No cot, clothes, nothing."
"How could she just leave her?" You sobbed as you looked at the perfect little girl in his arms and Joel just shook his head.
"She said she didn't want to be a mum." He replied "After we broke up she moved back to Austin. Had no idea she was pregnant. Not even Gloria did… then last night she just turned up at my door with her."
"Oh, Joel."
"I'm not ready to be a dad am I?" He asked as he looked at you again, his expression indicating just how scared he was.
"You're going to be the best father to this little girl." You said as you cupped his cheek and moved his face so that he looked you in the eye "You aren't going to be alone in this." You promised him "I will be here whenever you need me to be… day or night I will be here."
Joel nodded. Knocking a few tears loose and you watched as they rolled down his slightly stubbled cheek.
"Thank you, Pip." He breathed, giving you a small smile before he looked down at his little girl again "Her name's Sarah." He said after a short pause and you smiled sweetly at her.
"Hi, Sarah." You said softly as you leaned in to look at her better "Well aren't you just perfect."
"Would you like to hold her?" He asked and you nodded eagerly before carefully taking her off of him and settling into the plush cushions at your back.
You gazed at her sleeping form for what felt like an age. Her perfect little button nose and long black lashes making you swooning.
"I'll let you off." You piped up after a while and Joel hummed he as looked at you in confusion "For standing me up… She's a pretty good excuse."
Joel chuckled as he rested his head on your shoulder, you both continuing to gaze at her.
"We'll get through this…" He said and you nodded.
"Together."
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sagekiosk · 3 days
Text
🐍🐙🏹
Jamil, Azul, Rook x Reader — Yandere — Angst — TWST
You guys ; NOOOO SAGE,, ANGST AGAIN!?!?
Me ; you eat whats on your plate >:(( Hope this will feed you guys for the time being while I’m making the other fics, this is just a silly gift for @plumipal !! hope you enjoy plumi.
FOR THOSE WHO ARE CONFUSED ON WHATS THE PROMPT!! Check out Plumipals' yan twst tattoo au. Then this could probably more sense!
Also probably OOC??
TW;; Aww angst :((, pfft no I’m not biased w jamil, DEESSPPERATE BOYS, Jamil crying, Sad Azul, Emotionless(?) Rook, all of them hating on the tattoo, Bad grammar?, Rook watching you sleep, Rook's part is a bit short maybe.
JAMIL VIPER 🐍
That damn tattoo.. that stupid tattoo. He hates it so much, he hates it so so bad. Why? Why did you have to put that stupid thing on you?
And what’s even worse is that it’s because of HIS overblot. It’s because of him that you got that horrible mark on your wrist.
It’s all he can think about, all he can think about is that tattoo. He feels like he’s going crazy, like he’s about to overblot.
again.
He just can’t take it, he can’t! It’s always on his mind. You looked so happy, smiling, when you confirmed that you had that tattoo. You even showed it to him as if it was the greatest decision you made..
He just wishes that oh so beautiful smile was engraved in his brain. And not that horrible tattoo.
Poor Jamil, he can’t sleep at all. His eye bags are so visible under his eyes. He couldn't eat properly either, he couldn't bring himself to stand up and get fresh air. Whats even more annoying is that Kalim has been questioning if he's fine
Jamil just simply scoffed and told him he was fine. But really he wasn’t, you probably hate him don’t you? You probably despise him to the point where you don’t wanna see him.
Well actually, you don’t, he just can’t bear to see you. Whenever he does all he can focus on is the tattoo on your wrist. It pains him so bad for being the reason of it.
Seeing you would just make him cry right on the spot, he feels so worthless and horrible.
He couldn’t take it anymore, so he started to avoid you. Like that was a good idea..
It just only made things worse than they were before, Jamil also came to a realization that he can’t live another day without seeing you.
Yes, he does hate the fact that he’s the reason you got the tattoo. But he also hates the fact of not being able to be with you. He wants to spend every second of his life with you.
Literally like a week later you were met face to face with a Jamil who looked so close to crying. He looked like a wreck, unlike the usual stoic and independent Jamil you’re used to seeing.
"Y/n.." he called out to you his eyes stuck on the ground.
"Jamil.." You answered him. How did it get this bad? You put your hand on his shoulder. "What's wrong? I haven't seen you all week.. and now you suddenly appear in front of me looking like a mess.. no offense.”
Jamil balled up his fists, the hand that you put on his shoulder was the same hand where the tattoo was in. He hated it. He shut his eyes tightly wanting the image of that tattoo out of his brain.
"Jamil?" you called out for him once more.
Opening his eyes, now staring at you directly into your eyes. You could see the tears threatening to fall.
"I'm so sorry, I'm sorry Y/n." he stammered "Please don't hate me."
"Jamil- why would I-"
"That tattoo.. it was because of me, its my fault isn't it? You despise me don't you." sniffling he grabs your other hand gently pushing the other one off of his shoulder.
He pulls your hand up to his face, your palm cupping his cheek. "I need you Y/n, I need you to love me as much as I do. I'm not second to those two right?" he continued tears slowly falling down his cheeks a smile creeping up his face.
It wasn’t because of happiness though.
"I'll be better, I promise, I'll make sure I change- anything you want from me, its yours. Just please.. please choose me."
AZUL ASHENGROTTO 🐙
When he first heard about the tattoo he couldn't believe it. He refused to believe it! You surely haven't marked yourself with those' idiots symbols, right?
You wouldn't.. yeah! Those rumours are just rumours. Theres a big chance they aren't true anyway. He would only believe them if he see's it for himself!
So for the first few days he was fine.. still overthinking. But he's just being paranoid! It's just a thing that.. will simply pass.
That was until he couldn't take it anymore. He needed to silence those thoughts, they were so noisy. He invites you into Mostro Lounge's VIP room.
He asks about the tattoo and you confirm the rumours were true. You even had the audacity to roll up your sleeve and show it off proudly.
Fucking ouch, he felt his heart shatter at that point. He wishes that he just let those voices in his head be.
"I- I see, good to know you have.. such amazing friends." he spoke bitterly with a smile. shit- he stuttered.. hope you didn't notice it..
He clears his throat, are tears forming in his eyes? He has to hold it in.. He can't look like a loser. Not in front of you..
He asks you to leave.. which he rarely does. His excuse being that he has a lot of work to do. But actually, he just wants to lock himself up and never go out again.
When you leave the tears start flowing. His elbow on his desk, while his fingers massage his temple. The papers on his desk were getting soggy, but he doesn’t care.
He could recover those papers but it would probably take so much for you to remove those stupid tattoos. Do you hate him? He thought that you and him already made up from his overblot..
He's been stuck in his office for such a long time. He's put Jade in charge for now. He needs time for himself…
The longer hes stuck in there the more he thinks about that horrid tattoo. It's stuck in his mind, and it’s torturing him. He can't let anyone else see this. He can't allow anyone to see him as a stupid little crybaby.
He just wants to sink back into his octopot..
But then an idea pops in his head.. he should think of ways to maybe, earn your favor and get his own tattoo too. Thats the perfect idea!
He tries to make up a contract but all of his ideas go to the trash. They're all so horrible! No way you'd sign these..
They're just not perfect enough for you! Most of them seem childish.. and probably stupid. If he gave one of these to you then you'd probably see him as an idiot!
"No.. no.. no..! None of these contracts are good enough!" he crumpled up the contract he was holding it and threw it into the pile across the room.
How isn't he enough for you!? Why did you have to choose those two! He's- He's your friend too right? He'll do anything for you!
So why.. why did you just have to get a tattoo of them?
He starts crying again, how many times has he cried? He's not sure. He continues to sob covering his face with his eyes.
"Prefect would never love a stupid octopus like me.."
ROOK HUNT 🏹
He stares down at your sleeping figure, your tattooed wrist exposed right in front of him. What is that, mon amour? A tattoo?
Oh! how beautiful, why hasn't he heard you talking about it though?
Oh well, at least hes the first one to see it. He bends down smiling inspecting the tattoo closer.
It reminds him of something.. no actually, someone- hold on, Deuce and Ace?
..Did you seriously get a tattoo of them? W-well, its beautiful! The beauty of friendship is truly amazing. Your bond between Ace and Deuce is truly something!
But why did you have to mark your skin with those symbols though? Couldn't it be something better? Like his name, or maybe something that reminds you of him..
He's your friend too isn't he? So why didnt you get a tattoo for him too?.. He's done so much to make you happy!
He's always tried to keep you safe too.. And to always give you gifts and appreciate for the things you have done when nobody did.
So why didn't you get a tattoo of him too?
Yes he knows! Ace and Deuce have been there longer than him.. But he could treat you better than they ever could..
...
he isn't sure how to feel about this.
So for that night he leaves early going back to pomefiore.
For the next few weeks you notice that Rook has been really silent. You dont feel like anyone's watching you either.
You haven't heard Rook's praises about love in a while either.. so something must be wrong with him. You invite him to Ramshackle so you could help him cheer up.
Rook is oh so grateful, he would be singing praises about your generosity if he wasn't so down at the moment. Rook needs you. Rook wants you to like him to the point you'd get him a tattoo of him also.
Rook finds himself laying his head on your lap his arms wrapped around your waist while kneeling on the ground. You gently run your fingers through his soft silky blonde hair.
Rook sniffled and looked up at you, and you could see a single tear form in his eye.
"My heart yearns for your favor, mon amour. I wish to be as loved as much as you love Monsieur Heart and Monsieur Spade. But It seems that you haven't noticed that yet." he whispered, his voice hoarse.
You tilted your head to the side slightly. You didn’t hear him clearly and ask him to repeat what he said.
He would’ve, but he just doesn’t feel like answering so he looked away from your eyes. You understood and went back to patting him gently.
He takes a deep breath in burry his head back into your stomach. "You’re so cruel, yet I still love you. The things I do for love." The things he does for you. He would do anything for you.
"I've never let anyone see me in this vulnerable state.” You’re so cruel, but he will still love you. No matter what, he will wait for you to love him back.
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
BAM DONE. I had a little fun writing this honestly, silly little break. Thanks for reading up to this point. Sorry for the grammatical errors..
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kittyandco · 17 hours
Text
something i've been thinking about for the last few... forever.
shout out to the people who identify so strongly with, and/or find the most comfort in, the worst character(s) of any media that you're into. some of us find connection and similarities with the most terrible figures that canon has to offer. often, you're expected to identify most strongly with the good guy, or aspire to be like them (and not to say you don't, because i do sometimes). but that often doesn't happen for me, and i see more of myself in the evil impacting them.
not because i think i'm a bad person, and not because i aspire to be a flamboyant supervillain, but i often understand their feelings, their mindset, i understand how they got there, because i often went through a lot of the same things they did, even if only emotionally. it often goes beyond sheer appreciation for me (though i often find them more interesting from a narrative sense). and if i were in their world, i might become like them if things were even slightly different. if i didn't try to unlearn the fact that destruction is the only way to get what you want. catharsis is a powerful motivator.
i think it's important to embrace the "they're just like me" perspective when it comes to characters who aren't always "morally sound," and i do unequivocally include the "unsympathetic" ones. we're always going to find fictional characters we admire so long as art keeps being made, and sometimes admiration moves into "i identify with this character because of our background/personality/etc.", and sometimes these characters are the ones you're supposed to hate and root against... intentionally or not, many antagonists are very relatable (though often in unspoken ways).
none of this is to say that your taste in favorite characters means anything about you as a person, because it doesn't. how you treat others says all it needs to say about you as a person. i've seen this first-hand: people being surprised that i am friendly and compassionate (i try my best!) simply because i have a deep love for fictional guys who commit atrocities. yes, my worldly experiences, and the way i view them, as well as my fantastic taste draws me to fictional bad guys, but at the end of the day, i strive to be the best i can be every day. i aim to exude the kindness that i didn't always get when i practically begged for it. on the other hand, you could like the most sugary sweet, do-good fictional characters ever created (and good for you! no shame here!) and still be a nightmare to those around you.
i don't like the idea that you CANNOT like these characters, or identify with them, without condoning some sort of evil or being a bad person. they are people (or robots, or monsters, or whatever they are) who did bad things, whatever their reasons -- here's no inherence about it, and i think that belief has helped me in trying to understand them. i try to practice this with everyone i encounter. and along the way, i actually find that we aren't so different
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Always Thinking of You
Apologies for yet another interruption of the usual Astarion Ancunin programme. I swear I'm still very into our beloved vampire idiot, it's just that the Transformers brainrot has invaded once more.
Summary: As the base burns down all around him, all Optimus Prime can think about is you. (set in TFP universe)
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Optimus couldn't get the look in your optics as you turned away from him out of his processor. You didn't say a word, you didn't need to. He knew you well enough to tell exactly what was on your processor, he knew you were disappointed in him for choosing the humans over Cybertron, he knew you were hurt by his decision to destroy the Omega Lock. Most of all, he knew you were angry that it had come down to this.
Still, he watches as you disappear into the swirling vortex that is the Groundbridge, an emptiness filling his chest. He didn't know where he had sent you, didn't know what the future held for you, but that was for you to figure out. His job here would be done in a moment, and seeing you again…he futilely clung onto that silver of hope, knowing that such a day would never come. He would die here, leaving you alone on this Earth. No, not alone. You would still have the other Autobots, and whoever the Matrix chose to be a Prime next.
A single tear slides down his cheek as he turns to face the console, raising the Star Saber high. In the face of imminent death, he finds that he regrets a rather long list of things. He regrets that he parted ways with Ratchet like this, that he parted ways with you like this. He regrets that he'd never get to bring you to the top of Iacon Tower to see the view from there at night, that he'd never get to see how you'd react to the crystal gardens. He regrets that he'd never be able to feel your touch again, to feel your lips on his, to hear your laugh, see the way your optics light up when you lock gazes with him.
But he has to do this. The Autobot cause is far greater than his personal relationships, the both of you knew that. By doing this, he's ensuring your safety as much as he can, he tells himself, even if it's at the cost of his life. He'd meant it, every time he said he'd give his life for you. He feels his Spark constrict, a pang of guilt for being unable to uphold his promise to you.
As he swings the Star Saber downwards, he whispers one last prayer to Primus. He prays that you'll find someone new, someone better, someone who could give you what you needed, not a failure of a Prime who couldn't even keep his loved ones safe.
Then all he feels is the searing heat, followed by white hot pain. The entire base collapses on him, steel beams twisting in the flames and he feels one run through his abdomen as he crumbles beneath the weight and pain of it all. He can feel Energon leaking out of him as rubble cuts through his armour, opening the wires beneath. Everything hurts, his vision is getting fuzzy, he can barely breathe now. Sparks crawl along his arms where his wiring is exposed and he can't feel his legs anymore.
He never thought this was how he would go out. Sure, he'd thought about martyring himself many times over, before and after you came into his life, but the martyring usually came in the form of an execution by Megatron, not…whatever this was.
He finds his thoughts starting to wander to you as his life ebbs away, wondering what you're doing right now, if you've found a safe spot to hide for the time being. He wonders if you'll mourn his death, or if you'll only remember the time he doomed Cybertron with his own servos and hate him for the rest of your life. He hopes it's the former, it pains him to think about the latter. He's enjoyed all the times the both of you had spent together, especially all the stolen kisses in the dead of night when everyone else was asleep or on patrol. Those moments had made him feel like Orion Pax again, his Spark racing as he snuck out to meet you, tingles running up his backstruts as he held your servo, starry eyed and lost in your optics.
He remembers the time you'd thrown yourself in front of a missile for him, screaming for him to move as you slammed into him, taking the full brunt of the impact. He'd been so afraid for you, panic seizing him as he shouted for a medic, cradling your bleeding form. The Decepticon the missile belonged to made the mistake of trying to finish off what they started, and found themselves on the receiving end of his ion blaster. He had never felt such rage in his life before then, was it the same kind of rage that fueled Megatron's conquest? A shudder runs through him at the thought, would he wage such a terrible war for you? Would you do it for him?
At least 70% of his system has shut down at this point. Everything is muffled and his throat feels dry. Fear wraps its tendrils around him, squeezing tightly as thoughts he believed he'd long locked away hear cloud his processor. He doesn't want to die, he wishes he'd never been made a Prime, he wishes he could have a normal life with you, continue to be friends with Megatron, he wishes he wishes, but this is the reality he's in. He hates how he crumbles beneath the burden he's made to carry, hates the way he breaks down in front of you when the burden overwhelms him, hates the way you're made to carry his burden alongside him. Most of all, he hates the way his burden turned friends on each other and destroyed the planet he called home.
Black is creeping around his vision, threatening to devour the world around him. Just before it consumes him, he pictures your smile, the warmth in your optics, and the cold regret of never being able to see them ever again.
When he next opens his optics, the sound of your voice washes over his audials. There's an edge in your tone, and Ratchet says something but he doesn't quite catch it. Wait…your voice? Is he not one with the Allspark yet? Why would you and Ratchet be one with the Allspark? Had he failed?
"He's awake." The ringing in his audials stop.
"I can see that. I'm not blind." You're still as snarky as ever.
"Good. Then watch him while I go and retrieve a couple of items."
"Tch." He hears pedsteps fade away as you come into view. There's not a hint of anger or hatred in your optics. The only thing he can see in them is worry, concern, and love.
He doesn't know what to say. He didn't prepare for this, he didn't expect any of this. You gently touch his helm, gaze soft as you smile at him.
"You're safe now."
"I'm sorry," he rasps. It's the only thing he can say, the only thing that lingers on the tip of his tongue. He feels the lubricant gathering at the corners of his optics, his chest constricting and you simply hold him in your arms, cradling him.
"I forgive you." You murmur, and he clings to you in response. He was so afraid back then, but the moment you said those words, all his fears melted away.
"Thank you, my spark."
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lokigodofmyheart · 2 days
Text
FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS
MASTERLIST
Pairing: Tony Stark x Reader
Words: 4.479.
Summary: Tony and Y/N have a friends with benefit situation. But what happens when someone wants more and the other don't?
Warning/Content: angst, fluff.
A/N: This is my first time writting a Tony x Reader. Dividers by @cafekitsune <3
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Fury was on her, wanting the reports from last mission. And obviously, the only person who hadn’t finished yet was Stark. Somehow, Fury thought that if someone could make him do it, it would be Y/N. And that’s how she ended up in his lab. 
Tony was sitting in his chair, doing absolutely nothing with a glass of whiskey in his hand. He looked at her with his usual smirk “What’s bring you here, Y/L/N?” 
“Have you finished your report from the last mission, Stark?” She asks, walking closer to his desk. 
He let out a sigh, running a hand through his messy hair “No, not yet. Why?” 
“Fury needs it. And he’s been waiting for it for two days now.” Y/N knew how Tony was and how much he hated to make those reports. In the end, she always ends up finishing for him. 
Tony rolled his eyes, taking a sip from his glass “I'll finish it, but not right now. I'm in the middle of something.” 
“Yeah, I can see it.” She glares at him, before she starts going through the giant amount of paper on his desk.  
Tony stops put his glass down on the desk and looks at her with a small smirk “Are you really here to talk about the reports?” 
“Yes.” She finally found it. 
“And are you sure that's the only reason you're here?” His smirks didn’t flatter. 
Y/N grabs the file in her hands “Yes.” That’s all she said before she turns around without looking at him and left his lab. 
Tony watched as she walked away from him, without any further comment. Obviously, given their situation, he found it a bit weird. 
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The next day, Y/N was in her room when she heard a knock on her door. She open it, seeing Tony standing there.  
“Yes?”  
The man leaned against the doorway, with a small smile that he saved just for her when they were alone “I need to go to the mall, buy a few things. Wanna tag along?” 
Her face turn to an apologetic one “Sorry, I’m not feeling very well...” 
“You feel sick?” He asked her and she could noticed the worry in his voice. 
“No, not. Just a small headache, nothing major...but thanks for the invitation anyway.” She gave him a small smile. 
Tony was a bit reluctant to believe her but didn't want to press further “Yeah, ok. Rest well.” 
“Thanks.” She gently closes the door. He stood there for a few seconds, worried, before he walked away. 
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The next time something like that happened, it was after movie night with the team. Everyone said good night after the movie ended, leaving just the two of them in the living room. Y/N slowly got up from the couch “I’m going to bed too.” 
Tony quickly got up too, grabbing her arm gently and smirk “Why don't we go to mine?” 
Again, the apologetic expression crossed her face “I’m on my period. Sorry.”  
His smirk dropped slightly as his grip loosened and his hand fall from her arm “Oh...” 
Y/N gave a small apologetic smile “Night, Stark.” 
He nods “Night, Y/L/N.” 
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Tony thought it was just a coincidence, but he noticed that she looked like she was avoiding being alone with him. It had been more than a week since they had sex and every time he tried, she just had some short of excuse.  
He waited until she finished her training and cornered her when she was leaving the room. “Y/L/N, we need to talk.” 
Y/N stops and look at him “Sure.” 
He looked around to see if anyone was around and he crossed his arms “Have I done something to you?” 
“No.” She made a confused face as she looked at him. 
He studied her features for a moment, before he spoke again, a little lower “You've been avoiding me lately...” 
“No, I’m not.” 
Stark stepped closer to her “Then explain why you're avoiding spending time with me alone.” 
Y/N gave him a small smile “I’m not. Really.” 
“Then why did you always have some sort of excuse each time I ask you to hang out just the two of us?” 
She looked at his face and could see that he was somewhat hurt by her actions “I told you, I wasn't feeling well one day, and the other one I was in my period.” 
He didn’t really believe her “What about the other time at the lab? You came, got some paper, and were gone in a second. You didn't even try to engage with me.” 
“I was busy with the report you didn’t finish. Fury needed that.” She explains and hoped he would buy it. 
Clearly he didn’t. “Like you care about the reports. I think you're avoiding me.” 
“I’m not, Tony.” She says with a gentle voice. “Why don’t you come to my room later, and we can...talk.” She smirks at the last word. 
“Alright, I'll come...” He said, before walking away back to his room, excited for what he could only assume was going to happen tonight. 
As soon as she noticed he had left, her smirk dropped “Fuck...”  
Y/N didn’t know what to do. Yes, she had been avoiding him. They had this friend with benefits things, and she knew from the start that it was all that was and it couldn’t be more. But she had catch feelings for the billionaire and she didn’t know what to do. 
Later, Y/N was sitting on her bed with her laptop in her lap finishing another report for Fury when she heard a soft knock on her door. 
“Come in!” She says without moving from her spot. 
Tony opened the door and walked in, a smirk on his face “Hey, sweetheart.” 
She smiles looking at him “Hey.” 
He walked to the bed, sitting down next to her, he was wearing just a tank top and sweatpants “So, you wanted to...talk.” 
Y/N chuckles softly, closing her laptop and putting on her nightstand. Tony leaned against the headboard, and pulled her onto his lap “You know, the way you were acting today had me a bit worried for a second. I thought I'd done something to upset you...” 
“You’ve done nothing.” She smiles. 
He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her close to him, his lips next to her ear “Good, I'm glad...” he began peppering light kisses on her neck and began to kiss down her neck, and to her shoulder, his hands slowly running up and down her waist and thighs. She just froze, she didn’t know what do to. Yes, she wanted sex with him, but her heart was screaming at her. 
Tony felt the tension in her body and he pulled away slightly, worried “You okay, sweetie?” 
“Yeah...” She tried to mask it with a smile, but Tony could notice on her voice something was wrong. 
His hands came up to cup her face, keeping her looking at him “You feel a bit tense. Talk to me...” Her smile slightly drops and that worried him even more “Y/N, what's wrong?” 
“I’m sorry...” Her voice was almost a whisper “I don’t think I can do this anymore...” 
“It's okay. We can do this another time.” He says with his hand rubbing her side to comfort her. 
“No, I didn’t mean like that.” 
Tony frowned and looked into her eyes “Then what do you mean?” 
Y/N sighs, before she spoke again “I can’t do this...” she points between them. 
His heart ached a bit at her words “You don't want this anymore?” 
“I'm sorry...” she says, getting off his lap and sitting by his side with her hands in her lap. 
He stayed sitting on the bed, looking at her, trying to hide the sadness that was building inside of him “Why? I thought...I thought things were good between us...” 
Y/N looked at him and she could see the pain on his face “It is...was...I swear it was.” 
“Then...why are you ending this? What changed? What did I do, huh?” he was trying to stay calm, but it was hard. He wanted answers. 
“You did nothing wrong.” She smiles sadly at him. 
“Then why? Do...do you not want me?” He let out a shaky breath, his eyes met hers again. 
“I do. And that’s the problem.” Her voice was low as she spoke. 
That made Stark was more confused now “Why is that a problem? I want you too.” 
“Because I want more.”  
There was silence. He took a few seconds trying to gather his thought before answering her with a frow on his face “But, we agreed from the start that-” 
“I know.” she cuts him “And that's why I'm ending this.” 
Tony et out a frustrated breath, running a hand through his hair “Y/N, I care about you, but that's- I can't give you what you want...” 
“I know.” She says and he could hear the sadness on her voice. He hated knowing that he was hurting her with his words, but he couldn't give her what she wanted.  
After a few minutes of silence, he spoke again “Do you regret us?” 
“No.” she smiles, looking at him, still with a hint of sadness “Never.” 
He reached for her hand, intertwining their fingers “Me neither, sweetheart...” 
Y/N looked down at their hands together “I mean, we still can do the friends part.” 
Stark chuckled sadly, bringing their intertwined hands to his lips “Can friendship really be enough?” 
“It has to be.” She whispers. 
He sighed, hating the way this conversation was going “You know I care a lot about you. I just...I don't do relationships anymore, not after...” 
“I know.” She squeezes his hand slightly “And that’s why I’m not asking for it.” 
“This suck, you know. I'm losing someone I care about, and I hate myself for it.” he ran a hand through his hair frustrated. 
Y/N was feeling her eyes filling up with tears, and she blinks, trying to fight it “Believe me, this is much harder for me.” 
“It's hard for both of us, okay?”he said a bit harshly before immediately regretting it “Fuck...I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap.” 
She shakes her head, not wanting to cry in front of him “No, it isn't. You care about me when I...I fell in love.” 
The moment he heard those words, his heart ached even more. He wasn't sure what to say to that... so for a while, he just stayed silent, fiddling with her fingers. His jaw was clenched as he tried to control the emotions coursing through his body...he felt like a terrible person, knowing that he could not return her feelings. “I...I wish I could give you what you want. I really do...” 
“Me too...” 
Tony let out a shaky breath and squeezed the hand of hers that he was still holding. Even though he knew it probably wasn't a good idea, he pulled her a bit closer to him, resting his head on her shoulder “We can still be friends, right?” 
Y/N rest her head on his “Of course.” 
For a while, he let himself just feel the comfort of being close to her. But then he pulled away, reluctantly letting go of her hand and getting up from the bed “I should go...” Y/N just nods, not trusting her voice to answer.  He looked down at her for a moment before leaning down and placing a feather-like kiss on her forehead. Part of him wanted to pull her into his arms and never let her go, but instead, he straightened up and without another word, he walked out of her room. 
“Night, Stark...” She says, holding back her tears, knowing that after he left, they would never be this close again. 
“Goodnight, Y/L/N.” He said without looking back, knowing that the sight of her sad face would tear his heart even more. 
Tony walked down the hallway and into his room, walking straight to the mini fridge and grabbing a bottle of liquor. He sat down on the couch but didn't open the bottle just yet. Instead, he buried his head in his hands and let all his bottled-up emotions flood out of his every pore for what felt like hours. He sat there for hours, trying to get himself under control. But the mere idea that the one person he was closest to in the Tower was no longer his... that he had no right to touch, kiss, or hold... he grabbed the bottle of liquor, taking a long sip, as a single thought echoed in his mind ‘You're a complete idiot, Stark.’ 
Y/N stood in her bed, bringing her knees to her chest and finally letting the tears fload after Tony left until she eventually cried herself to sleep. In just a few minutes, Tony finished the first bottle and opened the second, the words she said earlier echoed in his mind. I fell in love. 
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The first week had been rough for both of them. They were avoiding each other, which mean they were avoiding the kitchen, the common room, the training room. While Y/N was more quiet than usual and saying she was suffering from allergies to justify that sometimes her eyes and nose were red, Tony just was in a incredible bad mood all the time. The team watched the whole situation with worry and confusion. Everyone knew there was something wrong with Tony, usually when he was in a bad mood, he would go around the tower, annoying and trying to get a reaction out of everyone. But now, he was practically avoiding any interaction. 
-- 
Tony was in the kitchen, enjoying the silence with a coffee in his hand, when Clint, Thor and Steve entered and stopped in front of him. He let out a tired sigh, knowing that wouldn’t be good “What do you all want?” 
Thor studied his face, before speaking “I know that look.” 
“What look?” 
“That look” Thor points at him “The same one I had when Jane broke up with me.” 
Tony rolled his eyes, annoyed with the direction the conversation was going “I don't know what you're talking about. I'm fine.” 
“Yeah, Thor.” Clint started “That would imply that Stark was dating someone.” 
“Yes, thank you for that useless addition, bird brain.” Tony rolled his eyes as he leaned against the counter, taking a sip of his coffee “So, are you all just going to keep staring at me, or you have something to say?” 
Steve spoke this time “What's going on, Tony? And don't say nothing, because we all know that you're not fine.” 
Stark groaned, his shoulders slumping a bit “Just...it's nothing, alright? Can you just leave it be?” 
This time it was Clint who spoke “No, because obviously something is happening. Or had happened.” 
He took a deep breath, trying to control his temper “Can you just drop this? I just...I don't want to talk about her.” 
“Oh, so it is a woman?” Thor ask curious. 
He pinched the bridge of his nose “Damn it, yes, Thor. It was a woman, okay?” 
There was a moment of silence, Thor and Clint sharing a knowing look while Steve just stared at him “Well, what happened?” 
Despite himself, Tony’s voice trembled a bit when he spoke “She...she told me she wanted more. And I couldn't give her what she wanted. So we...we just ended things.” He took a gulp of his coffee to try and hide the turmoil he was still feeling “It's done, alright? It's over, and there's nothing that can be changed. Can we please just drop it?” 
The three of them study him, before Steve spoke in a gentle tone “You love her” It wasn't a question. 
Tony didn't even try to deny it this time. He let out a shaky breath and nodded, his eyes downcast “Yeah. I do.” 
“She loves you, right?” Steve asked “Since you said she wanted more, I thought...” 
He nodded and chuckled bitterly “That's the funny part. She does. But i made it clear from the start that I couldn't give her what she wanted. And we agreed to keep it casual. But...she said she still fell in love with me. 
“Arrangements can be changed.” Thor says. 
“It's not that simple, Thor.” Tony let out a tired sigh “What she wants...a serious relationship, commitment, all of that...I can't give her that.” 
“Why not? What are you so afraid of?” Steve was the one who spoke this time. 
“I'm not...” he starts to deny but stop mid-sentence and let out a frustrated breath “I'm not afraid.” he paused for a moment, looking over at Steve before continuing “I'm...I'm a mess, alright? I have demons that still haunt me, nightmares that don't let me sleep more than a few hours. I can be a dick in general and I...I haven't done the whole "relationship" thing in years. I can't get involved in that again.” 
“Don't you remember the last time he dated Pepper?” Clint says to Steve “He looked like hell after they broke up.” 
Tony rolls his eyes “Thanks a lot, bird brain, for remind me about one of the most painful times of my life.” 
Thor nods, agreeing “Yeah, you were just a little worse than you are now. The only thing that took you out of the misery was Y/N moving here and you becoming friends.” Steve and Clint looked at Thor. 
Tony groaned, realizing Thor was absolutely right. He never said it out loud, but deep down, he knew that the only reason he hadn't completely lost his brain after the whole Pepper situation, was Y/N. Having her around, being her friend, helped a lot during those dark months. He rubbed his eyes, suddenly feeling the exhaustion again “What's the point of this conversation, guys? Even if I wanted too, it's too late now. She ended things because I didn't want to give her more than what we had.” 
“The question here is simple: Do you wanna give her what she wants?” Barton asked him. 
Stark looks at him for a moment, before answering slowly and honestly “Yes...I do.” 
Steve puts a hand on his shoulder “Then talk to her. I'm sure she'll listen.” 
He chuckled bitterly “It's funny that you think it's that simple. We ended things weeks ago and we've been avoiding each other ever since. You really think she'll want to talk to me now?” 
“If you’re talking about who I think you’re talking...she’ll listen.” Clint says. Obviously, after Thor made that comment, Barton and Rogers realized who he was talking about. 
And if everything couldn’t get worse, Y/N walked into the kitchen to get some water just in that moment, but she stops seeing Tony and the guys. She knew if she turned back, it would be suspicious, so she walked to the fridge to get her water “Hi...” 
Tony’s body tenses as soon as he saw her, his heart starting to pound hard on his chest. He quickly stands up from where he was resting his back against the counter, his eyes fixed on her. “Hey...”  
The three other Avengers made some lame excuses and left them alone. Tony stayed in his spot against the counter, watching the other members of the team leave the kitchen. Silence fell between them as they both stood a few feet apart from each other. 
“So... how’s it going?” Y/N spoke quietly, trying to make some small talk. 
“Like crap...” Tony didn't want to lie or pretend to be fine, and he knew she wouldn't believe it anyway. So he decided to go for honesty “How about you?” 
“Same.” 
He didn't like the tiredness in her voice, and he hated that he was responsible for it “You're not sleeping well either, right?” Y/N just answers with a head shake. He sighs softly, his heart clenching at the thought that she was suffering with the situation between them as much as he was “Same here...” 
“What a duo, huh?” She gave him a sad smile. 
Despite the situation, he chuckled softly “Yeah...” there was a moment of silence between them before he spoke again “You're avoiding me...” 
“I am...I needed a bit of space.” There was a minute of silence before she spoke again “You're avoiding me too...” 
He looked down for a few seconds, ashamed with himself “I...yeah, I know. I just...I didn't know if you wanted to see me...or if you would want to talk to me...” 
“Tony...” she walks closer to him, putting her water aside “I'm not mad at you or anything. I was sincere when I said we could still be friend.” 
As she walked closer to him, he looked at her face carefully, noticing the dark circles under her eyes. He clenched his jaw tightly as a wave of guilt washed over him. “You're not sleeping.” it wasn't a question, it was more a statement of his realization. 
Y/N rolls her eyes “Have you heard a word I said?” 
Despite everything, one thing he had missed the most was her eye-rolling, and he felt a tiny sense of relief as she did it now “I heard you. I also notice that you're looking like a zombie. You should be sleeping.” 
“You should be too. And not drinking.” 
He chuckled bitterly “Yeah, well. I sleep better after I drink. It helps with the nightmares.” 
“...they came back?” Y/N’s face softens, she knew about his nightmares. 
“Yes, a couple days after...we ended things.” He looked down, avoiding saying the word 'break up' because he still didn't want to believe that's what really had happened. 
“Are you okay?”  
Tony lifts his head, his eyes meeting hers. As much as he wanted to lie and say that he was fine, he wasn't able to do it “No, I'm not...truth is, I haven't been okay at all since you end things with me. I'm...I'm a mess, really. I drink every night, I can't sleep more than a few hours each night, and...and I miss you. I miss you so damn much.” He paused for a moment, closing his eyes and trying to control the emotions he was feeling and the words he was saying, but he continued “I know I shouldn't be doing this. I shouldn't be telling you all of this. I have no right...but I do miss you. I miss our nights together, our movie nights...and most of all, I miss talking to you, having you by my side...and I can't lie and say I don't miss being with you...” he laughed bitterly “Hell, I miss us...I should have never let you go...I should have...I should have said yes. I should have said yes to everything you wanted. But I was scared...” 
“Scared of what...?” She asks without looking away from him. 
“Scared of committing, scared of being in a relationship again, being trapped...terrified of ending up like I did after Pepper broke up with me...” He let out a strangled breath “I was so goddamn terrified of losing myself again, of having my heart broken again, that I ended up pushing the only person who was willing to be with me, away. And what the hell was the point since I end up breaking my own heart anyway...” 
“You said 'was'...” she spoke quietly. 
Tony looked at her again, his eyes going wide in realization of what he said. “Yes...”his voice was barely above a whisper, but he didn't look away from her “I said 'was'...” He could see the look on her face becoming almost a hopeful one. “I was terrified...” he repeated, as he moved so he was standing right in front of her. He hesitantly reached out his hands to touch hers and she did not pull back.  
A tiny sigh of relief escaped his lips as she let him touch her, her hands so much smaller than his. He gently laced their fingers together, rubbing his thumb on the back of her hands and Tony took a deep breath before continuing “I know what I want...and I want you. I want us...everything. I wanna take you out on dates, I wanna sleep with you and see you pretty face when I wake up. I want to watch silly movies with you, and laugh at your silly comments. I wanna be with you when you're not feeling well...I want everything. Hell, I want to marry you, I want a family...I want a future and I can't see one without you on it.” he paused for a moment, but continued in a soft whisper “And the most important thing...I want to make you happy. I want to make you smile and laugh every single day. I want to give you everything I have, everything I am...hell, I want to give you the goddamn moon if that's what you want. But most of all...I want to give you my heart...because you're the only one I trust with it...” 
Y/N didn’t answer, she just cupped his face in her hands and kissed him. The moment her lips brushed against his, he groaned loudly before cupping her face with his hands and pulling her even closer, the kiss becoming more and more urgent and frantic as he let out all the pent-up feelings and emotions through it. She parted the kiss, but didn't pull back “Are you sure?” 
Tony rested his forehead against hers, his eyes still closed and his breathing becoming more ragged as he tried to regain control over himself. He opened his eyes and looked at her face, one of his hands moving to brush against her cheeks “Never been more sure of anything in my life, sweetheart.” 
He placed a gentle kiss on her forehead before continuing “Y/N Y/L/N...will you be my girlfriend?”  
Y/N smile and nods “Yes.” He let out another breath of relief, a huge wave of happiness washing over his entire body.  
They stayed in that position for a few seconds before he leaned in to kiss her again, this time the kiss was gentle and unrushed. “God, I missed you so much...” 
“I missed you too...” 
He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a tight embrace, her face resting on his chest and his face buried in her hair. He took a deep breath, relishing in the feeling of having her in his arms once again, and the realization that it wouldn't just be a fling. It was real, it was more than physical desire. He cared for her, he loved her, and she was his “I love you.” 
Y/N smiles “Say it again...” 
Tony smiles at her request “I love you.” he says, gently pulling her face away from his chest so he could look directly in her eyes “I'm in love with you...And I plan on saying it every damn day for the rest of our lives.” 
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Fun fact: I was that anon that Lily responded to about Hunter having no one in that reaction you just posted.
I was 15 at the time, and I actually got into Lily’s content because of her Disney movie in minutes videos and LGBT in animation videos. I thought she was direct and funny. I loved the owl house but found her takes on the show post season 1 to be…off
She was hyper-fixated on race for some reason, and didn’t like Luz in season 3 (who she defended and made videos on btw) because…she was sad for a mistake she made? She delved into these issues before, but for this show it seemed like that was the thing she was most passionate about. Some positive takes, sure, but the negative ones seemed to fuel her the most. But it was her takes on Hunter that really had me confused. It’s like she was watching a completely different show than I was.
I sent that ask not as a hyper-fixated Hunter loving moron as she called me, but as a fan of the show that didn’t understand her hostility to a specific character that…didn’t really do anything to deserve it? A character she hated so much it made her turn against the show (allegedly)
Long post (sorry!) but I just wanted to comment about how hurt I was that Lily was just so rude and nasty in that response. She really put anyone who defended him into the same “racist boring, hates POCs” bubble and just never left it. I was a fan, and how she reacted soured my taste in her instantly. Unsubscribed, unfollowed, done. Now I’m hearing about former friends calling her toxic, and her bullying YouTubers reacting to her content. I feel embarrassed I ever supported a creator like that…
She was awful in the Steven Universe fandom, she was annoying in the Star Wars fandom, and she was awful in TOH fandom. Beware!!
Wow, that sounded terrible.
Don't be embarrassed for having followed her content and liking it. Most people in the critical community used to be fans of hers. I used to be a fan of her as well when I was like 14. I just see this as people growing up and thinking for themselves.
I think Lily lost a lot of followers over her take on hunter and even more so "hollowed mind." And it didn't help that she called people who relate to Hunter,"racist fascist that are a part of hitlers youth." It's one thing to just not vibe with a character, but it's another to act like he's the worst character to ever have screen time.
Despite the fact that she's been on the internet for years, she can't handle being online.
Unfortunately, Lily treats all of her fans like that. She'll yell at them for not sending money that right way, All of her exes were fans of her, and She'll answer asks with hostility. Lily is just all around, not a good or nice person.
I'm sorry you felt so hurt by Lily simply because you asked a question.
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mymarifae · 24 hours
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yesterday someone on strawpage asked me what made me go from a dr. ratio hater to a dr. ratio enjoyer and that response took me. four hours . to put together. so you know what i'm going to share my thoughts here too. here's why i like this ⬇️ jackass a lot now!!!!!!!!!!!
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he's a tricky character! the first interactions we get with him are so off-putting and unpleasant that i feel like a lot of people are like "wow, this guy is a self-absorbed dick, i don't respect him at all. can he go away" - i know that was my reaction! and he IS a dick. but like. listen.
it's really, really, REALLY easy to misconstrue 90% of his words and actions. it doesn't help that he has the speech patterns of a haughty asshole. and it alsooooooo doesn't help that aventurine's stunt in penacony required orchestrating a "betrayal" between himself and ratio. i think some of the things ratio said during All That constitutes the bulk of most people's persisting dislike of him. So:
1. everything ratio did and said was exactly what aventurine asked him to. this was all pre-negotiated. i think aventurine's insecurities acting up and the way he started doubting whether ratio was truly just acting threw some people off as well, but there is plentyyyyyy of evidence that no, ratio does not hate him and was not waiting for the perfect opportunity to stab him in the back and rid himself of this "damned gambler" but i'll get more into that in a sec ok? i have another bullet point to make first. and it's important so read it carefully ok? promise?
2. any comments from ratio pertaining to aventurine's race were said to fuel the narrative SUNDAY was building in his head probably from the second he learned which ipc executive would be coming to penacony.
aventurine's plan hinged on sunday's prejudice. he needed sunday to think of him as a liar, a cheat, a silver-tongued honeypot - basically, every avgin stereotype floating around in the universe. he needed to invoke a sense of insult. how could someone so... despicable invade the family's sweet dream? he needed sunday to be so wound up over his presence in penacony that he couldn't resist the urge to put The Vile Avgin back in his place. idk THIS ("this" being the real world parallels of how the catholic church ethnically cleansed the rroma during the 16th and 17th centuries) is a whooooole issue in itself that i don't have the time to go into rn because we're supposed to be talking about dr. ratio. oops
anyway the important thing to understand is that ratio absolutely does not look down upon aventurine's heritage. he was acting, with aventurine's blessing, to feed into sunday's biases. and he wasn't even good at it 😭... like look at this exchange from 2.0:
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one snarky comment from aventurine and his ass is immediately Apologizing. his ass that's supposed to be acting like he doesn't respect or like aventurine At All. in fact, aventurine's "even under the watchful eye of the harmony..." comment feels a liiiiittle pointed lol. it's a subtle warning to ratio! like, "hey, dumbass, did you forget we're being monitored at all times?? knock it off."
and like this isn't even the only time ratio breaks character and puts aventurine's plan in jeopardy. he learns nothing from this interaction because it's worse next time. lmao:
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this stupid fuckignb note. is extremely significant in manyyyy ways so we have to talk about it. first of all, stopping to check on aventurine's condition and to say "tell me if you can't hold on any longer" RIGHT IN FRONT OF SUNDAY (basically, since the family was monitoring everything and a few minutes later we see one of gopher wood's birds hanging out in that general area)?? BRO
if he wanted to, this brief interaction would have been enough for sunday to call their bluff. and aventurine knew that; many of his lines here feel like attempts to redirect ratio into picking the act back up and to stop trying to help him.
next, the stupid fuckignb note's contents. yes yes the second half is very sweet and it's all anyone ever wants to talk about and i understand because it probably meant the world to aventurine especially in that moment but i need you to look at the first half
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ratio gave aventurine the answer..? he. gave him the answer. you might be wondering why this matters at all and i'll just have to redirect you to his actions in 1.6, wherein he notably refused to give any answers and let asta, stelle, and like everyone else on the space station flounder, learn from their floundering, and - ultimately - Grow
ratio is a teacher through and through. if someone isn't one of those "geniuses" he wants nothing to do with, they're a potential student in his eyes. and everything that happened in mundane troubles was the space station's final exam, so to speak. his inaction wasn't out of cruelty or because he didn't care about the fate of all the people on the station - obviously he did, because he was the one using the phase flame to teleport the missing researchers to safety...
he posited himself as a safety net in case things went horribly terribly wrong, but he left most of it up to stelle and asta, because he believed in them. they had all the information they needed; they just needed to figure out how to utilize it. and if they failed, well... they had their safety net, and failure is a learning experience too. like, ratio wants people to learn. he wants them to have all the skills and knowledge they could possibly need to take charge of their lives.
the "geniuses" of the world, the head honchos, the impossibly rich 0.0001%? whatever you want to call them, there's always this Upper Level in society that can do things "ordinary" people can never dream of doing. their way of life is simply unattainable. ratio disagrees. he believes that anyone can do anything, if someone would only take the time to teach them. and he's chosen to be one of those teachers! instead of sitting on his ass and just theorizing about a better, fairer society, he's doing what he can to make a difference.
(not so self-centered after all, huh?)
so like. when you remember how much of a teacher ratio is, like this is a philosophy ingrained in his very bone marrow, it's a pretty big fucking deal that he just GAVE aventurine the answer he needed. it shows how concerned he was! and how guilty he felt about the part he had to play!!!! his words and actions were so far removed from his actual thoughts and feelings that he literally HAD to put the whole operation at risk to remind aventurine that he doesn't view him the same way sunday did, give him a safety net, AND let him know it's there. because at this point he felt that the plan was too risky and he cared too much
like honestly i think he hoped aventurine would read the note before putting on his "performance" and readjust accordingly. but then he didn't <3 and acheron had to remind him that it was still sitting in his pocket <3 if she hadn't said anything about it i don't think he would have opened it adgsmbfdndhfbkjjbg <3 oh i love a mess <3 anyway i think this serves as a suitable refute for the "dr. ratio was racist towards aventurine" sentiment that continues to fly around in some parts of the fandom, so? MOVING ON
i ended up talking about this already, but looking more closely at how ratio looks at the world was a biiiiiig part of why he grew on me So Much. it's all actually really noble and worth admiring. again, he just talks like a dick so it's easy to get confused LMFAO
he never received nous' recognition not just because he "cares too much" (as you'll see some people vaguely claim and then not elaborate), but because he fundamentally disagrees with the ideology that allows the genius society, the path of erudition, and even nous themself to exist.
there's like... a certain "threshold" of intelligence and knowledge that nous operates off of. the unknown, the near-or-actually-impossible to comprehend, things that the average person would never be able to grasp and would never care to try because it's simply beyond them - that's all nous cares about. but ratio doesn't believe this threshold exists. he doesn't believe in knowledge that cannot be taught. just to reiterate: he believes anyone can learn anything if someone teaches them, and they will care if they know someone will be there to teach them.
but if anyone can follow the footsteps of geniuses, then Genius is no longer a superior echelon of society. the end goal the erudition seeks is no longer "beyond the limits of mortal wisdom."
nous rejected ratio because he rejected them - long before he fully understood that he did so.
i think he only ever tried to seek their recognition because it was expected so highly of him. like, he was a prodigy child, absorbing new information and collecting phds at the speed of light. of course every adult around him was like, "oh yeah this kid's a future genius society member" and then they told him this. over and over. and he was like, Okay, so this is the path i'm supposed to embark on, and i must do it and i must succeed (or i'll let them down; i'll be a disappointment, a failure, a waste of resources and all the hopes and dreams everyone's pinned onto me.)
he spent a good few years trying and failing to conform to nous' surprisingly (ironically?) boxed-in mindset. but they ignored him, probably because they predicted that even IF they recognized him while he seemingly ascribed more closely to the erudition's beliefs, he would ultimately wander off and "waste" time trying to nurture the achievements of "mere" mortals instead. and then he had to sit there and be like ok i apparently fucking failed at the one thing i thought i was supposed to do with my life, What Now
and this results in the dr ratio we meet in game. still haughty, still has an attitude problem and a bad temper, still has a tendency to talk down to people (i think though at this point his condescending tone is more of a defense mechanism and a way of isolating himself from others before he is once again rejected from a "part" of society after trying, trying, and then Failing to conform to a box), but! considerably more humble and far more focused on others than himself. he cares, ok. he cares an awful fucking lot. he believes in the good of humanity. humanity's ability to do good, to grow... to find the answers to its problems, implement them, and save itself.
plus, "character that's very admirable and very kind and loving IN THEIR OWN WAY (<- this is important because ratio isn't any of these things in a traditional sense and that's another part of why i've come to like him; it's interesting) but is cursed to just sort of talk like a total jackass forever" is an extremely entertaining concept
one other thing that's less significant than realizing ^^^^^^^ALL OF THAT. GOD .but still played a big part in my warming up to him, is how fond he is of those stupid rubber ducks and the goofy poses his statues are in. and also how his very first introductory cutscene is him playing chess BADLY (😭😭😭😭) against himself. that speaks to a sense of whimsy and playfulness that he doesn't have much of an outlet for. which i find... cute. and an aspect of his character that's a ton of fun to play around with
IN CONCLUSION: i mean he's okay i guess
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duffslut · 1 day
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Don't cry
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Axl Rose x Reader
My Masterlist.
Word Count: 580
Warnings: Angst!
Taglist: @guns-n-roses-gal @a4tumnvenice @used-to-love-her-06 @changbinsdummythiccahrms @guitarsfan @em-21 @their80smichelle @svrgs-blog @rocketttqueennn @wiifitboard @unknownperson246 @fxcethestrange @lovergirl4slash @rottoneggs01 @metallical0ver @brunette-barbie4562 @appetiteforattitude @prettypersuasion @gyaas @nenynra @brezeblog @damianodavds @ch3rry-earrings @1-800-meth-blog @hauntedrosie @inkieink @rocketqueen1989x @rafesgirl7 @thatsoversace @maverickman5k @metallicaloverrr @xoxytoxinx @queenoftheundergroundscene @beebemarie @yourowngirlie @impuls1ve
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- Hey... - You heard Axl's voice approaching you.
It was late at night, past midnight, you had left your boyfriend's house and simply couldn't go back home, you didn't want to have to face your parents in the situation you were in, so you went to the beach and just sat on the sand, watching the sea and letting the tears run down your face. It was cold and windy, but nothing could be worse than the throbbing pain you were feeling in your chest, the anxiety almost stopping you from breathing.
You greeted him Axl with a sad smile, cringing even more as he sat down next to you in the sand.
- How are you doing dear? - He asked in his deep, concerned voice, taking off his jacket and placing it over you, caressing your back with his hand.
- I... - You tried to speak but the tears came even stronger and you turned your face away. - It's all over.
Saying those words made your mind go back to a few hours ago, when you finally got the courage to break up with your boyfriend, and the scene repeated itself in your head, it was the best thing to do, but you didn't know it would hurt so much.
- Don't cry Y/n. - Axl said, touching your chin turning your face carefully towards him, drying your tears with his fingers. - Please, I hate seeing you like this..
You had called Axl because he was your best friend and the only person who could help you at that moment, he always knew the right thing to say, just having his presence calmed you down, he had that power, it was one of his many qualities.
- I'm sorry about this, Axl... - You said sniffling, looking at the redhead next to you. - I shouldn't have bothered you...
You let out a deep breath, Axl took your hand and held it lightly, warming your cold skin.
- I would come to you any time Y/n. - He said. - You know that, right? Things will get better.
You tried to believe him, but none of his words seemed real since you no longer had your boyfriend with you, who had promised the same things, but still had broke your heart.
- I don't know... I feel alone, lost. - You said, and noticed Axl's eyes sadden.
- You're not alone sweet girl, I wish I could make you believe... - He looked away. - I know exactly how you are feeling inside.
You couldn't decipher his gaze as he stared out to sea, you didn't say anything, you snuggled into him in a hug and closed your eyes for a few minutes, absorbing his scent mixed with the scent of the sea.
- Can I sleep at your place tonight? - You asked, opening your eyes and accidentally looking at him - I can't go home.
Axl nodded in response and you both got up and walked to his car.
You had already slept at his house several times, but it was the first time you actually lay down in his bed, your eyes red from crying began to close automatically, letting sleep take over your body, Axl watched you standing next to the bed, stroking your hair and saying things that sleep didn't allow you to understand perfectly, but something inside you felt that he was being the most sincere he had ever been.
- You're the most special girl in the world...
I will never leave your side...
I hate to see you cry...
I love you...
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larluce · 2 days
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Nearly laughed myself sick at the latest Time Travel post. Merlin going "no rebellion -> Arthur can have a little rebellion as a treat -> wait fuck rebellion is still bad" was so good.
Also. I hate Uther, and I'm so glad to see him get called the fuck out on being a shitty, abusive father. He was so awful to Arthur, I can definitely see him killing Arthur's dog because he loved it too much.
Thank you! Comedy aside, I believed necessary to show Merlin's line of thought to remind us he is from the future. Merlin went through shit, so obviously Merlin, while he's worried about the rebellion and is pretty aware of the consequences it could lead, he's not as escandalized or horrified as he should be. He even considers it fit when he finds out how abusive Uther actually was with Arthur if only for a moment, which also shows Merlin didn't know Arthur as well as he thought and that he also missed some things. In canon Merlin is only aware of one time Arthur was sent to the dungeons (when Arthur went to look for the Mortaeus Flower to save him) and one time Morgana was (In "To kill a King" when Merlin overhears Morgana talking to Tauren about how Uther chain her to a dungeon wall), but besides that, Merlin wasn't really present when Uther mistreated his children (like when Uther holded Morgana by the neck in anger) and I doubt Arthur told Merlin, not because he didn't feel comfortable to tell him exactly but rather the topic never came up. Other thing is that Merlin does notice Arthur is acting differently to the Arthur he remembers, on more than one occassion, the only thing keeping him from noticing Arthur's feelings for him is his eternal denial.
About Uther getting called out what he is, I would say the most gratifiying thing was Arthur realizing it himself. Rewatching Merlin's rant to Gaius about "not doing nothing" we all know well in the show, I thought "It would be great if Arthur had one too" so I made one. It's not as good as Merlin's but I think it matches the feeling. This Arthur is mentally forty, has been king for 15 years and has learned of all his father's wrongings in the past decade. This doesn't mean he doesn't love him, Uther is still his father, but he doesn't respect him anymore.
Also I love how the knights were like:
Knights: The Prince wants to overthrow the King! this is outrageous!😱
Arthur: He killed my dog.🥺
Knights: That is unforgivable. We must rebel!😤
Anyways, thank you for sharing your thoughts. It keeps me going 😊
If anyone else wants to make me and ask just do, I'll be more than glad to answer ❤️
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https-milo · 4 hours
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Hi I was wondering if u could do a shinsou x reader x tamaki story (either separately or poly) where reader is on her period and having very bad cramps and is having a lot of mood swings
my period is bouta hit soon I can feel her presence </3 THANKS FOR THE REQUEST!!
AW, CRAMP!
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Hitoshi Shinso x reader, Tamaki Amajiki x reader
(F/S) = Favorite snack
Summary Headcanons and oneshots with Shinso and Amajiki (separate)
m. list
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HITOSHI SHINSO
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He wouldn't ignore you per se
HOWEVER.
If you're unessccesarily mean to him, his ass WILL make you take a breather
He'll leave the room and come back with your comfort food and favorite drink, along with chocolates and a heated blanket
But before you can get them, you HAVE to apologize
Once you do, expect some quality time with him <3
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"JUST LEAVE ME ALONE WOULD YOU?" You shouted angrily at your boyfriend as you were curled in your bed. You hadn't moved from that position all day and Shinso was getting worried.
Taken aback, your boyfriend rolled his eyes, "Ok, see you later." He didn't bother turning back as he left the room. You started to cry. Your eyes were puffy and snot was dripping down your face but you couldn't stop crying.
"I'm so stupid! He- he- he hates me!" You sobbed loudly, curling into your balled position tighter. It had only been 10 minutes since he left, but you were feeling terribly guilty. You heard a deep sigh behind you and saw your purple-haired boyfriend with a plastic bag from the cornerstone.
"I don't hate you, babe," He sighed and sat beside you in the bed. He pulled you from your depressive curl and laid your head against his chest, not caring for the mess of snot and tears that now covered his hoodie. "I left so we wouldn't fight over something like this. Neither of us would want to say something we regret later, hmm?" He stroked your hair gently and your tears slowly stopped flowing.
"I- I'm so sorry, 'Toshi," You sniffled. "I shouldn't have been so mean."
"You're fine, princess. Don't worry. I bought you some stuff," He replied with a casual shrug. He grabbed the bag from beside him and showed you the contents. Your favorite drink, food, snacks, and chocolates were all in there. "I also warmed your heated blanket up while we were arguing." He pulled said blanket from the foot of the bed where you hadn't even noticed it.
"You're too good for me," You sobbed as you stuffed your face with (F/S).
He sighed again and wrapped an arm around your shoulder, "Shhhh, pretty baby, it's okay."
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TAMAKI AMAJIKI
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He's tweaking out more than you especially if you raise your voice at him
He calls Hado immediately after you have a mood swing
He gets a bunch of products she recommended
He also makes sure to tidy your room so you don't cry about it being messy (has happened before)
He gets scared :(
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"You hate me!" You sobbed as you threw one of the stuffed animals he had gifted you at him. He dodged it easily and tensed immediately at your aggression.
"W-what?" He asked confused. "I don't hate you."
"Yes you do! I can feel it!" You replied.
"I- I don't know what you're talking about... I'm sorry if I made you upset," He said sincerely.
You sobbed harder, "You're too good for me! Get out!" You sobbed loudly and shoved your face into your pillow as you clutched your stomach in pain.
"O-okay," Tamaki replied as he sadly left the room. As soon as he closed your door, he pulled out his phone and called Nejire. Twenty minutes later, he returned with MULTIPLE heated blankets, chicken wings, ibuprofen AND Tylenol, chocolate, and vitamins. "Hado-chan said a lot of things... so I got them all." He walked over to your bed humbly and hesitantly, worried you'd explode at him again.
You sniffled and gratefully pulled him into bed with you, embracing him tightly and apologizing profusely. "I love you so much, Tama."
He let out a breath of relief, "I'm glad. You- you're the love of my life."
"And you're mine," You said as you took the pain reliever he brought and started eating the wings.
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© https-milo. please do not repost, steal, copy, or modify my works!
Thank you so much for reading <3
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myfairkatiecat · 16 hours
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nightfall was crazy, but I'm also kind of confused??? It went by sooo fast I was like WHAT? WAIT, WHAT? WAIT WAIT WAIT-
Love the fact that they went on with keefes whole "I'm not worth it, but you are, so I'm going to take over decisions we need to make (as a team) and screw them over so that they cause harm to me and not you!" Kinda vibe, honestly thought that after he came back from the neverseen in lodestar they were just going to forget about it, yk??
Only thing I really didn't like is that like...everyone has a slight distrust to keefe (at least in the start, till he apologized ) but Sophie, the person who was (in my opinion) most affected by his 'betrayal' never once had a doubt???? Like, if someone betrayed me, right? Yk they're my friend whatever whatever, ID STILL HAVE SOME KIND OF LIKE ISSUES WITH THEM???
I feel like her distrusting keefe and then slowly learning to trust him would have made the book MUUUCH better!!
Also, I'm still not getting where the Fitz discourse is coming from, like, his sibling just betrayed him, fell unconscious and WOKE UP WITH NO MEMORY OF ANYTHING?? I can see where the anger issues come from
Holy shit this was long, sorry!
-- @localburntoutkid
Had a blast reading this!
You’re so right about Keefe. That definitely doesn’t get dropped after lodestar, or even nightfall—it’s one of his character’s main flaws, and while it does shift and evolve as the series moves on, it’s kind of there, you know? And I’m really hoping it resolves in some way by the end of the series, because his arc is just… so interesting to me. Because it is NOT arc-shaped. At all.
I get what you mean about Sophie being the only one who doesn’t distrust Keefe when he comes back. I really like that too acknowledge that it’s a Sophie-specific thing, though! Too many people forget that this is a third person limited story told by an unreliable narrator, and act like Shannon Messenger herself is telling us Keefe deserves to be fully trusted. Sophie Foster decides, at the end of Neverseen, not to hate him, and Lodestar is where she has her moments of doubt and distrust, but even in Lodestar, she always believes in Keefe’s good intentions. There’s even a scene where she says something like “Yes, Keefe’s plan is horrible and I hate it, but his heart is in the right place. I have to believe that.” The part about keefe’s plan is paraphrased, but she did say she needs to believe his heart was in the right place, in that wording, and it’s fascinating to me. She’s very attatched to Keefe (obviously) and I think it’s mostly for her own sanity that she chooses over and over to believe that there’s something right about what he’s doing, because letting him go sounds excruciating, even by his own fault.
I actually have no issue with this being Sophie’s perspective, and I actually find it interesting especially in the context of sokeefe, but I wish we got to see this portion through another character’s eyes. For example, Fitz. Someone who does distrust him afterwards, and rightfully so.
As far as Fitz discourse goes, that stuff stemmed less from nightfall and more from flashback and legacy. I don’t hate Fitz in either of those books, but you’ll probably notice the moments that made people kind of go nuts about hating him and ran away with his character (personally, I think Fitz is fully understandable in both books, but don’t fully condone the way he acts in a few scenes, particularly in legacy. I’ll explain later after you’ve read it)
Don’t apologize for length, I’m literally Katie, have you met me? Everything I write is longer than I intend
I’m glad you’re having fun with the KOTLC series. Keep me updated!!!
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