#But also bitter sweet

[eikohanjatketa]

An interview from the Emma press event today. An interesting bit from the end:

Käärijä pitää keikoista taukoa puolisen vuotta, jonka aikana hän tekee uutta levyä.

–Pitää myös ajatella omaa hyvinvointia ja mielenterveyttä eikä kuluttaa hommaa puhki.

Keikkalavoille hän palaa toukokuussa ja kesä on täynnä festarikeikkoja.

– Ukko on sama, mutta show ei. Näkee sitten toukokuussa, millaiset mun asusteet ja hiukset on.

Translation:

Käärijä will be taking a break from performing for about half a year. He will be making his new album on hi break.

-I have to also think about my own well-being and mental health, not to use everything up.

He is going to return on the stage in May and the summer is full of festival shows.

-The man is the same, but the show isn't. We'll see in May what kind of clothes and hair I'll have.

[jammyanimals]

Just had a dream that this Thursday’s Jamaa Journal started with “hey homos!” And then processed to talk about an out-of-stores animal returning to the shops and everyone just acted like this was normal, Alexa publish post

[r-aindr0p]

Dancing samurai redraw February 2024/ June 2022

Still my favorite vocaloid despite having nothing to eat for ages

Also hello proseka ??? You did an event on the evilious chronicles songs, the 7 deadly sins, why do I count 6 songs in the game ??? I’m genuinely so mad they did Gakupo dirty like that and didnt even include his song even though it was also created by the same composer as the other 6….

Alt version of the purple guy under the cut

[ctl-yuejie]

i think the "nick can visit boston in the us" ideas are cute, but - correct me if i'm wrong - it can be both expensive and difficult to get a tourist visa for thai people. nick's dad runs a mobile repair shop. i'm pretty certain that if boston decides to go, these 4 months are actually what they can spend together.

[movedtodykedvonte]

Simon had just recently died in vampire world when Marcie arrived. He was in the stage of a freshly drained human and it’s likely the vampire king killed him.

All I’m saying if it had been just a few more minutes…

[kaeyapilled]

god the kaebedo propaganda got me so bad. a couple of months ago i was like "eh im pretty neutral towards them i just think they're neat :)" nowadays i have SEVERE brainrot about the intricacies of their relationship and how their origins relate to each other and and and

[cityofthefirefliess]

hi hi hi velvet goldmine enjoyers. a few days ago i said i wanted to reupload the movie soundtrack (the ones that arent available on streaming) onto yt (unlisted). i finally followed through on that!! i will be putting the link in the reblogs!!

[humberg]

'Gonna be an ambush, no doubt. Just focus - you're better than them.'

[imminent-danger-came]

thinking about how Macaque usually smiles when being more aggressive. Thinking about how monkeys usually ‘smile’ to show aggression. Thinking about MK smiling a shit ton durinf the Azure fight. THINKING ABOUT THE WARRIORS AND MKS REPRESSION GODD

Watching MK go completely unhinged while fighting Azure moodboard:

[babacontainsmultitudes]

And what if Dood doesn't *want* to leave this plane of existence after going on a life-changing fieldtrip with the teens hm what then?

[imfinereallyy]

Placeholders

another birthday bit, unrelated to earlier, but something I wrote on my birthday. it’s a bit sad, I’m sorry.

There is an empty space on the couch.

There is an empty space on the couch between Dustin and Mike. The light from the window touches it gently. Making the Byers-Hoppers worn leather couch glow a soft brown. The house is filled with noise and chatter; a happiness that was once lost resides here.

Steve Harrington turns 24, and there is empty space on the couch.

Steve knows Max wouldn’t have sat there. That spot is not reserved for her. She would have sat on the floor between El’s legs while El brushed her hair softly with her fingers, or she would have draped herself over the edge of Lucas’ chair, teasing him with her head hooked on his shoulder.

Steve aches. He sees her in the missing pieces sometimes. A space in the car, a hand grasping at nothing, a laugh when there has only been silence. As if they are all moving in the same ways they did years before, not filling in the holes, just moving forward with gaping parts of themselves.

The house is full of noise, and love, and laughter. Robin leans her head on the tops of Steve’s knees, her hand braiding away at the new friendship bracelet she’s making him. He gets one every birthday. Will and El are drawing on a giant birthday card that Steve knows he’ll hang in his dingy apartment. Nancy and Erica are chattering away in the corner about something that will make Steve’s head spin, he’s sure. Everyone is here; everyone is safe. Steve thinks sometimes he will lose this; they will all push him away. But they come back time and time again. Except…

It’s Steve’s 24th birthday, and there is an empty space on the couch.

Steve Harrington is 24 years old, and Eddie Munson never makes it past twenty. And there is a space, that really isn’t his, but is there for him anyway.

Steve grieves.

He knows it’s unfair. Steve didn’t really know him. They were only ever sideways of each other. Paths crossed one another but never at the same time. A distance in a small place.

Steve feels bad at times, knows they could have done great things. Lead their friends on their strange journeys. Made each other better. He believes that they were more similar than they once thought. Different sure, but would have understood each other somehow.

Steve thinks they were kinda like stars in the same galaxy. Both shine brightly, both guide the way, but too far apart to say goodbye when the other burns too quickly.

When Steve had known him, it was temporary. Eddie had been a temporary person in the life of Steve Harrington. It isn’t a bad thing per se, but an unfortunate truth. Their time together was, although not very long, is held closely to Steve. It was important.

Steve thinks it’s unfair that he gets all the time; he gets all this time to waste, and be happy about it. Angry. Sad. Steve gets to feel, and Eddie gets an empty space.

Steve hears someone’s laugh from across the room. He wants to hold it in his hands and bottle it up, put it on a shelf for safekeeping. It’s not as rare as it used to be, time heals some things, but he finds it makes him want it more. Keep it close. The kids, who are not kids, shout and scream and yell, “Steve, you be the tiebreaker!”. There is never silence, only sounds, so they never really see the gaps that remain.

But Steve thinks about the smile Eddie had once sent his way. The slight tick of the lip into laugh lines. Steve craves for that moment again. Not because it meant anything, not because it held some secret. But because it was good, and Steve at the time didn’t really know much of that.

Steve knows, if the space on the couch was filled, Steve would be in love.

Their time together doesn’t prove this, he knows and is not delusional, but Steve can feel it in his gut.

At times, you meet a person and realize they are going to stick around for a while. And other moments, you meet someone and don’t notice that you were meant to know them until your chance has passed.

There are instances you meet someone, and you feel as if you should say “Hello again.” Even though you are meeting for the first time.

Steve can’t help but notice more time has passed since he left, then the the amount of time he knew him.

Steve knows it’s selfish. It’s selfish to grieve something that was never his, to grieve the idea of a person. But he can’t help the mourning that comes when he wakes. He can’t help but think there is a laugh he is supposed to know, like his favorite song. He can’t help but think, Eddie Munson should have made it to 24.

Steve can tell the rest miss him, even the ones who didn’t know him. There was a role Eddie was supposed to fill, a balance thrown off by his absence. Steve sometimes catches them all trying to put the pieces back together of a ghost. They’ll take his old clothing from Wayne, read a book left on his nightstand, and tap their fingers to the beat of a song Eddie once knew. It feels like they are all trying to build him from scratch.

The party sings Steve happy birthday; they try to squeeze all the candles on it. Hopper yells at them, tells the kids it’s a fire hazard, but makes no move to stop them. The boys are yelling to wish for things they want. The girls, El, tells him to wish for love. Jonathan takes a photo of him blowing out his candles. Robin squeezes his hand.

I wish I could have known.

They cut the cake; they spread out again. This time Lucas sits on the edge of his chair, like he’s leaving space for only one person to come back and sit. No one makes a move to share with him. There is an empty space on the couch. The sun no longer touches it; only the warm lamp light reaches its corners.

Steve doesn’t think he knew Eddie Munson very well, but he likes to believe that Eddie would have liked this. He would have liked the noise. He would have liked a mismatched family. He would have liked celebrating a meaningless birthday of a friend he didn’t have. Steve likes to think they wouldn’t have been friends for long. He knows, somehow, Eddie would have loved him too.

There is an empty space on the couch. Steve doesn’t plan on filling it anytime soon.

***

Sorry for any of the tense changes or mistakes, this was more of a stream of thought piece. It’s bittersweet.

[padawansuggest]

Hot take I’m a massive tea drinker who breaks every rule. I don’t heat it to a specific temp. I don’t time it when I steep. I sweeten it (with monkfruit drops) before I taste it because no I’m not gonna taste something that was boiling three minutes ago how about YOU burn your tongue off. I don’t even much care if I steep it too long. I will mix and match whatever I feel like when I fill the steeper I’m just out here making experiments with tossing in lemon zest or a piece of ginger I don’t give a fuck. If I don’t think the tea is strong enough I grab a White Emperor (racist much) bag from the cabinet and toss it in next to the steeper. I like adding weird shit like cocoa powder or vanilla and not just to rooibos either.

I don’t even care how big the mug is I’m filling it to the brim if it’s not enough tea I’ll add more or steep it longer. I’m a fucking rebel.

I like cold brew tea just as much as hot tea. In fact, if I make hot tea and forget about it long enough to become cold, great. Now I have a cold drink. Delicious.

And you know what??????? I still think 90% of teas taste the same. I’ll still drink them but I don’t have much preference as long as it’s not green tea or peppermint because I’m very allergic to those. I mean I’m often allergic to a lot of the ingredients I sprinkle in but I mean peppermint literally melts my insides and leaves me bleeding for days but green tea turns me into an inflatable non-fun house and it hurts so bad.

But like. Yeah. I got a lot of things wrong with me, but my insistence to drinking something that I believe 90% of the time tastes basically the same??? Lmao.

[stop-breaking-my-heart-dragonage]

You ever think about how in spite of knowing their exact locations, the game never gives any indication that templar Carver has reported his mage sibling, Merril (a blood mage) or Anders (an abomination) to his superiors?

I do think about that a lot, even though I tend to ignore the Templar Carver route because I know Warden Carver to be true in my heart and soul... but I totally get the appeal of Templar Carver within DA2's narrative, y'know?

It's so fascinating, really. I've never played a run with Templar Carver, I just can't bring myself to do it, so I know I'm missing out on smaller details of it. From what I do know, this drives me crazy in the best way possible.

Deciding whether to bring him or not to the Deep Roads is such an important choice, not only because it affects his fate, but how it affects his relationship to Hawke. He tells you that he wants to go, he makes it very clear that it's important to him that he goes, too... and Hawke can just leave him behind and it hurts him. I don't think that registers enough with some people just because of how Carver is, like it doesn't matter what Hawke's motivations are [staying behind for his safety, not wanting to bring him, thinking someone should stay with Leandra, etc] it still hurts him because it tells him that Hawke doesn't need him, and Carver wants to be needed.

And yes, there are other contributing factors to why he joins the templars, but it doesn't matter what your relationship is to him, it doesn't change the fact that he doesn't turn Hawke or his companions in.

Sure, the meta reason is it's a video game and you're playing the main character. You're never in any actual danger of being captured by templars, and you're not going to lose your companions to them that easy.

But if we look at it through the narrative and Carver's character, that's when it gets interesting. You can max out his rivalry and be an utter asshole to him [there's a point where you can call him a brat and mock him for being stuck in your shadow, like Hawke can be real cruel about it] but it doesn't matter, you're still his sibling. He even makes a remark about how you might not know what that means [referring to leaving him behind] but he does. He refuses to kill Hawke in the end when Meredith makes the order, too.

Which can I just point out that Hawke has the option to let Bethany die in the end if she's with the circle and they side with the templars? Just saying, Carver NEVER does that no matter what, but Hawke has the option to betray Bethany like that and it's fucked and interesting and it makes me want to eat my chair-

As for Merrill and Anders, I think he knows that if he turns either of them in, then the chances of Hawke being brought in as well skyrocket. They're all friends, they're in the same group... bring one in, and you'll probably get the other two.

I also think Carver just genuinely likes Merrill. Yes, I'm a Carver/Merrill shipper, so I have a bias, but even if you remove anything romantic from their dynamic I believe that's true. Of all the companions, Merrill is the only one who doesn't make fun of him, or find him annoying, in party banters. He never snaps back at her, like he's never defensive with her, he's just a little awkward and nice.

Like, HE'S SO NICE TO HER! He tries to find common ground with her! She asks him about "swording" and he's taken aback by her saying he's good at it, but you KNOW that if someone like Anders asked him the same question, he's be all, "shut up, you're stupid, stop talking to me >:["

Think back to that banter Carver can have with Aveline post-act 1 where they're talking about how the guard wasn't the right place for him [hard disagree with you there, Aveline] and Carver says he was a bit of a tit, wasn't he.... and every companion will agree except Merrill. She doesn't say anything, whereas other companions like Anders will be like "ugh maker YES" and if you have a purple Hawke, they'll go on to other ways Carver was a tit like?? I think Carver and Merrill got along and he doesn't want to turn her in because she was nice to him! And she's a blood mage! He knows what will happen to her if the templars get ahold of her! He doesn't want to see her made tranquil or killed!

At that point, he's witnessed what bad blood mages can do, assuming you've brought him along for those quests, but even so. He knows Merrill isn't like that and he likes her, so of course he's not going to turn her in despite that being his literal duty.

Then there's Anders who Carver doesn't like. If you're in a romance with him, Carver will tell him that's why he doesn't turn him in but c'mon Carver, you know that's not the only reason. My theory is Carver may not like Anders and he knows the man's got a spirit of justice inside of him... but Anders also runs a free clinic. If he's ever taken in by templars, then so many people [including a LOT of Fereldan refugees] will be without free health care and will suffer for it. I think in Carver's eyes, Anders might be irritating but he doesn't more good than harm. Carver knows first hand how shitty refugees and poorer people are treated in Kirkwall. Anders' clinic is the one place they can go for help and actually get it, and he's not going to be the one to take that away because the templars say "magic bad."

So yeah, I'm not as informed about the Templar Carver route, but I do think about how if I did do that route, he wouldn't betray Hawke or their companions no matter what and what that says about him.

[sunshinestardrop]

Very grateful I never actually read/watched JJK cause from what I understand the author literally killed off everyone and as much as I adore tragedy dear god would I hate to see ALL of my faves die

[bretwalda-lamnguin]

One of the most heartbreaking things for me about Túrin and Nienor is that Nienor, unlike a lot of characters, never seems taken in by the idea of Túrin as a great warrior. Most other characters praise and admire him for his skill at arms, but Nienor actively discourages him from war. She doesn't romanticise him for his bravery or actions, she loves him as he actually exists, the real man, not his image or myth. She doesn't want to be the wife of a great hero, she just wants Túrin to be with her, in safety and peace.

[binah-beloved]

thinking about Binah looking at you, while you are treating your colleagues. She knows you are hurt too, so she demands you to rest: you agree but first leave a candy to all the injured as a gift. And you give one to Binah too

i like the way you think

the thing is, you always argue, you're not as injured as the rest of your colleagues. their bones are broken, gashes littering their bodies and blood drying on their skin- but you can stand. you can walk. you can function. and an assistant librarian must be useful, so useful you shall be, running around the room with medical supplies as you and a few others carefully patch up every cut and bruise

Binah knows you're tired, the way your shoulders slump and how you keep letting out slow, heavy exhales is more than telling. yet you keep working and working and working and she keeps worrying and worrying and worrying from across the room until finally she comes over and puts a hand on your shoulder, telling you to rest

of course you protest at first- you always do- but Binah remains firm, giving you a customary flat stare until you relent. you're quick to dart around the room, handing something to each of your coworkers before pressing something into Binah's hand right before you leave with a quiet "thank you"- it's a small piece of dark chocolate

a tiny smile graces Binah's lips as she looks at her favorite sweet. you truly do know her like the back of your hand