#CHOOSE SOMETHING BABE I GOT NOTHING TO BELIEVE UNLESS YOU'RE CHOOSING ME

[planetsandthefates]

im going to need 13 more years to process you're losing me and an additional 33 years to process the bridge alone

[ellies-enrichment]

making more text post memes and i thought about how you’re losing me can be ellie & dina coded

but then i thought about you’re losing me can be joel & tess coded

[alltheendings]

Taylor putting you're losing me on streaming this morning wasn't on my weekly plan but now im getting ready for work feeling like I wouldn't marry me either, a pathological people pleaser who only wanted you to see her 🤡

[rewh0re]

I'M THE BEST THING AT THIS PARTY AND IM FADING THINKING DO SOMETHING BABE SAY SOMETHING

[lcfthaunted]

"because in the end, everyone chooses the lawman." she could have just been his widow. but she chose him and he.... chose the lawman.

[jackleopard]

I WOULDNT MARRY ME EITHER?????????????????

[likeawolfatthemoon]

also the way you're losing me is just the advanced version of say don't go like

the waiting is a sadness, fading into madness -> now i just sit in the dark and wonder if it's time

i'm standing on a tightrope alone -> front lines, don't you ignore me

halfway out the door but it won't close -> do i throw out everything we built or keep it?

i would stay forever if you say don't go -> you don't know what you got until it's gone

strike a match and you blow it out -> i'm getting tired even for a phoenix, always rising from the ashes, mending all her gashes, you just might have dealt the final blow

i'm yours but you're not mine -> i gave you all my best mes, my endless empathy, but all i did was bleed as i tried to be the bravest soldier

trying to see the cards that you won't show, i'm about to fold -> do something, babe, say something / lose something, babe, risk something / choose something, babe, i've got nothing to believe unless you're choosing me

i said i love you, you say nothing back -> i wouldn't marry me either, a pathological people pleaser, who only wanted you to see her

it's not a relationship that happened in a vacuum, it's a repeating pattern of giving yourself more and more and more to people who shove it back in your face. can confirm that is extremely traumatic. it's embarrassing and painful when just the people in your immediate life see it, i can't imagine living it out on a widespread scale AND having people trying to capitalize on rumors to the contrary (when that's all you want in the first place!!!)

[babydollmarauders]

YOU’RE LOSING ME — JACK HUGHES

jack hughes x fem!reader

summary: in which y/n is struggling to grasp the fact that she and jack have grown apart amongst his newfound nhl stardom

warnings: angst, neglectful jack, dying relationship, long intro (so sorry), alcohol

specific lyrics: “remember lookin' at this room, we loved it 'cause of the light. now, i just sit in the dark and wonder if it's time” and “how can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dyin'?” and “how long could we be a sad song 'til we were too far gone to bring back to life? i gave you all my best me's, my endless empathy and all i did was bleed as i tried to be the bravest soldier. fighting in only your army, frontlines, don't you ignore me. i'm the best thing at this party (you're losin' me). and i wouldn't marry me either; a pathological people pleaser who only wanted you to see her. and I'm fadin', thinkin' "do something, babe, say something" "lose something, babe, risk something" "choose something, babe, i got nothing" (i got nothing) "to believe, unless you're choosin' me"”

notes: idk how i feel about this. it’s been awhile since i’ve written an actual fic so i think my writing is a little rusty. there will be no part 2 to this one! i know y’all love when i make part 2’s to my angsty fics, but some fics i just wanna keep as angst and this is one of them <3

maybe we were naïve. young and innocent in thinking our love would last forever. that we could withstand everything the universe had to throw at us.

i could give us this; we did last past Jack’s rookie year. but maybe that’s when things started breaking. i couldn’t tell you for certain.

when we moved to New Jersey, we were going on three years into our relationship. we thought that milestone of three years meant we would be together forever.

we went apartment hunting, i opted to go into online schooling rather than on campus classes, late night whispers consisted of marriage and future children.

now, the last time i even brought up marriage, he told me he wasn’t ready for that. that he was at the peak of his career and didn’t want to spend time that could be used bettering his skills, to plan a wedding.

i spend most nights in an empty bed, the cold sheets serving as a harsh reminder that my boyfriend would rather go out with his teammates than spend time with me.

rather than the past early mornings of soft loving stares and cuddling on his bare chest, i now spend my mornings glaring towards my boyfriends sleeping figure; trying to calculate when he may have gotten home after i had already fallen asleep.

seven years. one-third of my life, spent with Jack.

no one ever said love would be easy; but no one ever told me it would be this hard either.

the mug in my hands is at risk of breaking from my grip, the coffee inside having gone cold. a cruel euphemism to how our relationship has cooled. the burning fire that it once was, now fizzling to dying sparks. but i still hold onto what’s left, because i’m not sure i know how to live a life without him anymore.

i sit curled up on the sofa, staring out the floor-to-ceiling windows at the New Jersey skyline. i still remember the day that Jack and i decided on this apartment, this room was a deciding factor. we loved the lighting, the way the sun shone through the windows and cast a golden haze over the rest of the apartment.

now i sit in the darkness nearly every night, wondering if this was the end of our relationship; if it’s time.

the worst part is that we keep going on. keep playing house. pretending that our relationship is still as happy as it once was.

‘i love you’s never became a rarity, still uttered past our lips multiple times a day. but i know his words only hold an empty promise now.

how can he say he loves me when he can’t tell that this relationship is killing me?

that this dynamic of our relationship becoming a chore has slowly broken me down?

our life is robotic now. we wake up, he leaves for practice, i stay home, i do school, he comes home for a pre-game nap, he leaves for a game, i still stay home, i go to bed, he comes home, repeat.

even worse when he’s away. what once started as facetime calls whenever he was free on a roadie, slowly died until it’s nothing but a few measly unsubstantial texts.

at first i thought maybe we were just going through a rough patch, that we would get through this, but now i fear we won’t.

***

my eyes track my boyfriend at the crowded rooftop bar as i nod my head, only half paying attention to what Ryleigh says.

Nico’s surprise party has been a success. for Nico, at least.

i, selfishly, thought i would use this party as an opportunity to grasp Jack’s attention. i wore the dress that he used to say was his favorite, but not once did he mention it. i curled my hair because i knew how much he loved it, but he didn’t compliment it how he usually does. i dolled myself up in hopes that it would glue him to my side. maybe even spark that possessiveness he used to hold for me.

but instead, all i got was a measly and empty ‘hey babe, you look nice.’ when i arrived, before he chased Dawson down to discuss some new bar he wanted to check out after their next win.

i spent the next hour following him around like a lost puppy, standing by his side as he spoke to his teammates. if he hadn’t had his hand resting on my lower back, i would’ve thought he forgot i was there. but somehow being forgotten would’ve felt better than being ignored.

i’m the best thing at this party, or at least i should be to him, and he barely spared me a second glance.

eventually, i saltily left to find the other wives and girlfriends. for the past three hours now, i sit with Ryleigh and Darya. Ryleigh is currently recounting she and Dawson’s date night last night.

the party has been dwindling down, our group of people among the bar slowly dispersing, giving their final birthday wishes to Nico and going home.

“what about you and Jack?”

“hmm?” i perk up at the mention of my boyfriend, dragging my line of sight away from said boy and back towards my friends.

“i asked about you and Jack. when was your guys’ last date night? how was it?” Ryleigh is only trying to be polite, i know that. but she’s only reminded me that Jack and i haven’t gone on a date in what has to be at least six months.

“honestly? i couldn’t tell you.” i confess. “i don’t even remember the last time we went on a date.”

“well, that’s not right! we should do a double date soon! i’ll have Dawson set it up.” she smiles. “ooh triple date! you and Yegor should come!”

“we’d love that!” Darya chimes in. i let out a polite smile, but i know it won’t happen. i’ve tried too many times to set up a date night and nothing ever comes from it.

“hey, baby. you ready to go?” Dawson saunters over, planting a kiss to his girlfriend’s cheek. Ryleigh nods, bidding Darya and i goodbye.

“hey, y/n? i think Jack was looking for you.” Yegor tells me as he comes over next, gathering his wife to leave for the night.

“he was?” my voice is filled with a pathetic hope, an excitement over even the thought of my boyfriend seeking me out. but when i look back to where i last saw him, he still stands next to his captain, laughing over something one of them said. “thanks, Shara.”

he smiles, the both of them now saying their goodbyes. and then there was one.

i sit by myself, lazily chewing the straw in my drink as i watch my boyfriend and his friend.

i quickly lose track of how long i sit there, ordering drink after drink. eventually, i stop watching Jack, opting for mindlessly scrolling through instagram instead.

“hey.” my head snaps up at Jack’s voice, watching as he finally joins me. my heart thumps in my chest, like i’m a teenager again, at the thought of spending time with him. “i think i’m ready to head home.”

my mood deflates, my shoulders slumping, but i nod, gathering my purse as Jack sets some cash on the bar top to cover my drinks from the night.

i wobble slightly as i stand, Jack’s hand coming up to hold onto my arm, making sure i don’t fall. heat spreads from the site of the touch, shivers racking my body.

“you okay, babe?” he chuckles, pulling me into his side as we walk to the elevator, pressing the down button and waiting for it to arrive. “how much did you drink?”

“i don’t know. maybe three? i lost count after the first hour alone.” i shrug, my words are slurred, a product of my tipsy state. “i started off with sprite, but i switched to gin and tonics once Darya left.”

Jack is silent as we get into the elevator, his brows furrowed and him seemingly in deep thought. the whole ride home is quiet, the air charged. i spend the whole drive with my head turned to look out the window. but as soon as we reach the parking deck of our apartment, getting out of his Range Rover, he speaks up again.

“you could’ve come and found me? i was just with Nico.” i’m silent for a moment, picking up my pace to try and reach apartment faster.

“i didn’t feel like being ignored again.” i shrug as we step through the door, the alcohol giving me obvious courage that i never had before.

“what do you mean ‘again’? i haven’t ignored you.” Jack follows behind me into our bedroom, his eyes tracking me as i sit on the bed and begin unfastening my heels.

“stop.” i sigh.

“stop what? y/n/n, when have i ignored you?” his genuine obliviousness hurts more than i thought it could. the fact that he didn’t even realize he was ignoring me; that it was just a subconscious reaction for him to push me aside.

“every day.” i tell him. my eyes start stinging with tears, finally ready to have the fight that i’ve so desperately been avoiding. but it’s obvious that Jack doesn’t feel the same.

“i’m sorry you felt that way.” he tells me, barely sparing another glance my way before he starts grabbing pajamas out of the dresser.

“you’re losing me.” my words are choked out in a whisper, but i know he hears them because i watch as he stiffens, slowly turning around.

“what?”

“Jack, this doesn’t feel like a relationship anymore. it feels like a job. a chore.” i confess. “it doesn’t feel like you love me anymore and i need you to just say it. because i love you too much to keep going on like this.”

“y/n-”

“we barely talk, Jack.” i cut him off. “when we do, we’re struggling through empty small talk. you’re barely home, and when you are, you don’t try and spend time with me. i sit in this house, alone, even when you’re here.”

“what are you talking about? y/n, we’ve been together for almost seven years. we’ve been through so much together.” his words are harsh, defensive.

“exactly! i gave you all my best me’s- i gave you my teenage years, i gave you all of my best years! i gave you all my empathy when you were being called a bust. when you were struggling in your rookie year and at your lowest. i sat here and comforted you after every loss! i stayed here and cried and tried to be brave every time you were gone. i defended you to everyone!”

tears roll freely down my cheeks, my nose becoming stuffy and my throat tightening. i’ve risen from the bed now, still keeping my distance from him though.

“and what do i have to show for it? an empty apartment? an empty relationship? we used to spend hours talking about marriage and our future. now, the last time i tried to bring that up, you all but told me you didn’t want to marry me.” i scoff. “and i can’t blame you, i wouldn’t marry me either; a pathological people pleaser.”

“don’t say that, please.” he whispers.

“but all i wanted was for you to see me, Jack! i’m here! i have feelings! i know it’s hard to believe, but i’m a person too! i need love! not whatever this has been.” my words fade off at the end, breaking off into sobs.

Jack’s eyes are red, tears of his own slowly descending as we stand in silence.

“do something, please. say something.” i plead, furiously wiping at my tears. i swallow a lump in the throat as he finally takes a step forward.

“i’m sorry.” his voice is shaky, breaking midst sentence. “i’m so sorry i didn’t know you were feeling this way. i’ve been so wrapped up in hockey and the team that i haven’t been here. not fully, at least.

“i took you for granted. i guess you’ve been this dependable force in my life for so long that eventually i forgot that you need more than just my presence.

“i do love you, y/n. i can’t imagine my life without you. i’ll be better, i promise. just, please, don’t leave.” he begs.

Jack steps forward, closing the distance between us and taking my face in his hands.

“i need you. i’ll always choose you.” his hands shake on my cheeks as he pulls me into a kiss. he pulls away, heaving out a broken mix between a sigh and a sob. “i’m so so sorry.”

“we can fix us. i believe that. but please, don’t put me through this again.” i beg, laying my forehead against his.

“never.”

[timelesslords]

AND I'M FADING THINKING DO SOMETHING BABE SAY SOMETHING? LOSE SOMETHING BABE RISK SOMETHING!!!! CHOOSE SOMETHING BABE I GOT NOTHING TO BELIEVE UNLESS YOU'RE CHOOSING ME, YOU'RE LOSING ME!!!!!!!

[svnflowermoon]

fighting in only your army, frontlines, don't you ignore me. i'm the best thing at this party!!! and i wouldn't marry me either, a pathological people pleaser, who only wanted you to see her. and i'm fading, thinking: "do something, babe, say something" "lose something, babe, risk something" "choose something, babe, i got nothing... to believe unless you're choosing me"

[peaceloveandf1]

You’re Losing Me- LH44

based off of Taylor Swift’s “You’re Losing Me”

part 2

pairing: Lewis Hamilton x reader

rating: PG-13

……………………………………………………….

“Every mornin', I glared at you with storms in my eyes

How can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dyin'?”

“y/n, I don’t understand why this is upsetting you so much.” Lewis says, hands rubbing his face in frustration.

“I know you don’t, Lewis! That’s the problem.” I yell, standing from my chair and leaving the kitchen.

This was what felt like the millionth time we’ve argued about his priorities. I thought after the second time we talked about this that it would cure our issues. But now after the fourth, I fear that no cure will come to us.

“I can't find a pulse

My heart won't start anymore

For you

'Cause you're losin' me”

I can hear his footsteps following me as I stalked towards our bedroom.

“Y/n, can you please listen to me? You’re not hearing what I’m saying.” He tried to reason with me, but at this point I was seeing red.

“I’m not hearing you? You’re refusing to answer my question again.” I fire back, only wanting him to answer me. “So I’ll ask you again, what is your priority. Racing or your future outside of racing?” I ask, praying the answer is the latter.

“Baby. You know what I want. But racing is my career and life.”

“You might just have dealt the final blow”

His words dealt the final blow. Six years together feel like they’ve been erased with those words.

“Ok, Lewis. If that’s all you care about.” I seethe, going into my closet to pack some clothes.

“Don’t. You know that’s not true”, he tries to stop me from putting clothes in an overnight bag.

“Oh it’s not?” I say, whipping around to face him, “Six years Lewis. Six years, we’ve been together and you’ve never thought about anything but your racing. I can’t do it anymore. You’ve ignored me, pushed me aside for so long, and put so much more before me. God I thought you were the one for so long.. All I wanted was for you to fight for me. To give up something eventually. But clearly you’ll always be too selfish to think of anyone but yourself” , my words and emotions were released like a flood.

It was my turn for my words to hit Lewis like a blow. My point had finally made its way into his brain after trying for so long.

“y/n…. I can’t- I can’t give up on racing” his voice less confident as before.

“I’m not asking you to Lewis. I’m asking you to think about what comes after racing. Don’t you want a family? Or do you want to be in a garage for the rest of your life?” I plead for him to answer me.

“You know I want a family…. but not now.” Lewis says, unable to meet my eyes.

“Stop, you're losin' me

Stop, you're losin' me”

“Then when? You’re 38. You’ll start a family when? When your 45? Is all you want another championship?” I continue to gruel him.

“I can’t right now. We’ll talk about this later, y/n” he says, seemingly giving up.

That was it. He’d lost me.

“I’m done Lewis. I’m done” I sobbed

“Don’t leave. Not like this.” He says trying to stop me walking out the door.

“Call me when you care about anything other than racing.” My final words were ones I hope would hit him hard.

And that was it. I walked out our door.

"Choose something, babe, I got nothing (got nothing)

To believe

Unless you're choosin' me"

[colins-bridgerton]

penelope & colin playlist

a year ago by james arthur

i wish it was a year ago i wish that i could hold you close now i'm driving past your house, i know the lights are on, you're not alone i wonder if you're making eyes i wonder if he loves you like the way you said that only i could do i wish that i could tell you that I miss you

ghost of you by seconds of summer

too young, too dumb to know things like love too young, too dumb to I drown it out like I always do dancing through our house with the ghost of you and i chase it down with a shot of truth that my feet don't dance like they did with you

far away by nickleback

i wanted you to stay 'cause i needed i need to hear you say that i love you i loved you all along and I forgive you for being away for far too long so keep breathing 'cause i'm not leaving you anymore believe it hold on to me, and never let me go

oceans by seafret

it feels like there's oceans between you and me once again we hide our emotions Under the surface and try to pretend but it feels like there's oceans between you and me i want you i want you and i always will it feels like there's oceans between you and me

give me a minute by the coronas

and i can't remember how we got so wrapped up in it hold on i'm not finished just give me a minute i'm not finished and if you don't mind i can live with it just a minute i'm not finished would you be so kind just to forgive it

can i be him by james arthur

i heard there was someone but i know he don't deserve you if you were mine i'd never let anyone hurt you no no I wanna dry those tears, kiss those lips It's all that I've been thinking about 'cause a light came on when i heard that song and i want you to sing it again i swear that every word you sing you wrote them for me like it was a private show

before by ulrik munther

before we burn each other up before we lose our minds before i'm not enough for you baby I need some time before you break my heart oh before we need to talk before it even starts i mean i'm sorry i didn't call

you're loosing me by taylor swift

how long could we be a sad song 'til we were too far gone to bring back to life? i gave you all my best me's, my endless empathy and all i did was bleed as i tried to be the bravest soldier fighting in only your army, frontlines, don't you ignore me i'm the best thing at this party (you're losin' me) andi wouldn't marry me either a pathological people pleaser who only wanted you to see her and i'm fadin', thinkin' "do something, babe, say something" (say something) "lose something, babe, risk something" (you're losin' me) "choose something, babe, i got nothing" (i got nothing) "to believe, unless you're choosin' me"

deep end by birdy

i don't know if you mean everything to me and I wonder, can i give you what you need? don't want to find i've lost it all too scared to have no one to call so can we just pretend that we're not falling into the deep end?

love me or leave me by little mix

and love me baby please cause i could still be the only one you need the only one close enough to feel you breathe yeah I could still be that place where you run Instead of the one that you're running from, ooh you, can take this heart heal it or break it all apart no, this isn't fair love me or leave me here

cross your mind by calum scott

tell me, do i ever cross your mind? do i ever keep you up at night? thinking 'bout what coulda been if we did it all again i've been trying to keep an open door even though you've got the locks on yours tell me even after all of this time do i ever cross your mind like you cross mine? do i?

wrong direction by hailee steinfeld

loved me with your worst intentions didn't even stop to question every time you burned me down don't know how; for a moment it felt like heaven loved me with your worst intentions painted us a happy ending every time you burned me down don't know how; for a moment it felt like heaven and it's so gut-wrenchin' fallin' in the wrong direction

loves you like i coudn't do by dunacan laurence

i hope you find that someone who'll love you and it feels like all that you wanted thought it would last if we just kept running we played our hand, now we're left with nothing hope you find that someone who'll hold you In a way that i always wanted to a hundred shots, but we kept on missing there's no regrets, 'cause we tried, my love I hope you find that someone who loves you like i couldn't do

a little bit yours by jp saxe

you found someone new, before me and you didn't try nearly as hard and maybe that's the problem i don't know how to take it away from you without giving someone else my heart all I do Is get over you and i'm still so bad at it i let myself want you i let myself try i let myself fall back into your eyes i let myself want you i let myself hope i let myself feel things i know that you don't you're not mine anymore but I'm still a little bit yours

[midnightsslut]

Since you’re so good at connecting songs (I’m still in awe about how you made me realize that atw and illicit affairs are about the same subject), what is your most big brain/audacious/out there theory/connection about Taylor’s songs?

first of all, thank you! i have to say, I’m not the first one to get the idea that there are parallels between those two songs, but I’d never really sat down with them line by line. this ask really got me wondering because i feel like there are a lot of parallels I can think of but idk how out there they are. here is one that i don’t see people talking about a lot:

coney island feels like the other perspective of the story in you’re losing me, especially when you consider that taylor asked matt berninger about writing songs that deal with their own relationship issues with his wife. of course, coney island and you’re losing me were written at different points in their relationship, but the sentiment appears to be the same.

this got long, so I’m putting a cut here.

first of all, here is how taylor described coney island in her evermore interview with zane lowe (around the 37-minute mark)

The perspective I was coming from was like a male perspective of regret or guilt after a lifetime of apattern of behavior, and i've been kind of touching on sort of things like that on the song tolerate it where there's this person one side of the relationship who's felt like they've just… Their partner's been there, but they haven't *been* there. They've been there, but they're just sitting next to each other, eating breakfast, but they haven't they haven't been there […] I really loved writing, ‘we were like the mall before the internet / it was the one place to be.’ I was trying to reflect on the coney island visual of a place where thrills were once sought, you know, a place where once it was all electricity and magic, and now the lights are out, and you're looking at it, thinking ‘what did I do?’

‘break my soul in two, looking for you, but you’re right here’ —> ‘you say “I don’t understand,” I say “I know you don’t”’

‘and if this is the long haul, how’d we get here so soon?’ —> ‘how long could we be a sad song before we’re too far gone to bring back to life?’

‘did I close my fist around something delicate? did I shatter you?’ —> ‘my face was gray, but you wouldn’t admit that we were sick.’

‘over and over, lost again with no surprises / disappointments, close your eyes / and it gets colder and colder when the sun goes down’ —> ‘i’m getting tired even for a phoenix / always rising from the ashes, mending all her gashes’

‘what’s a lifetime of achievement if I pushed you to the edge, but you were too polite to leave me?’ —> ‘fighting in only your army, frontlines, don’t you ignore me / I’m the best thing at this party’

‘do you miss the rogue who coaxed you into paradise and left you there?’ —> ‘and the air is thick with loss and indecision’

‘will you forgive my soul when you’re too wise to trust me and too old to care?’ —> ‘now I just sit in the dark and wonder if it’s time’

‘the mischief, the gift-wrapped suburban dreams’ —> ‘remember looking at this room? we loved it cause of the light’

‘sorry for not winning you an arcade ring’ —> ‘choose something, babe, I got nothing to believe unless you’re choosing me’

‘did I leave you hanging every single day?’ —> ‘every morning, I glared at you with storms in my eyes’

‘did I paint your bluest skies the darkest gray a universe away?’ —> ‘my face was gray, but you wouldn’t admit that we were sick’

‘and when I got into the accident, the sight that flashed before me was your face’ —> ‘now you’re running down the hallway / and you know what they all say / you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone’

‘but when I walked up to the podium, i think that i forgot to say your name’ —> ‘don’t you ignore me, I’m the best thing at this party’

you’re losing me is key to the entirety of ttpd, really, so this gives us the ability to draw parallels to sooo many songs on the album. coney island is a goldmine actually. no wonder she’s mashed it up with so many songs on tour.

my next post will be connecting right where you left me and chloe et al whenever I get around to it (to be clear, I don’t think they’re about the same person).

[taylor-swift-bracket]

Battle of the Bridges!

Dear Reader

So I wander through these nights

I prefer hiding in plain sight

My fourth drink in my hand

These desperate prayers of a cursed man

Spilling out to you for free

But darling, darling, please

You wouldn't take my word for it if you knew who was talking

If you knew where I was walking

To a house, not a home, all alone 'cause nobody's there

Where I pace in my pen and my friends found friends who care

No one sees when you lose when you're playing solitaire

Hits Different

I find the artifacts, cried over a hat

Cursed the space that I needed

I trace the evidence, make it make some sense

Why the wound is still bleedin'

You were the one that I loved

Don't need another metaphor, it's simple enough

A wrinkle in time like the crease by your eyes

This is why they shouldn't kill off the main guy

Dreams of your hair and your stare and sense of belief

In the good in the world, you once believed in me

And I felt you and I held you for a while

Bet I could still melt your world

Argumentative, antithetical dream girl

You’re Losing Me

How long could we be a sad song

'Til we were too far gone to bring back to life?

I gave you all my best me's, my endless empathy

And all I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier

Fighting in only your army, frontlines, don't you ignore me

I'm the best thing at this party (You're losin' me)

And I wouldn't marry me either

A pathological people pleaser

Who only wanted you to see her

And I'm fadin', thinkin'

"Do something, babe, say something" (Say something)

"Lose something, babe, risk something" (You're losin' me)

"Choose something, babe, I got nothing" (I got nothing)

"To believe, unless you're choosin' me"

🌁Please reblog!🌁

[imaginesfordifferentfandoms]

You're Losing Me.

Click here for my masterlist.

Click here to add yourself to my taglist.

Prompt - ‘Do something, babe, say something. Lose something, babe, risk something. Choose something babe, I got nothing to believe, unless you're choosing me.’

Notes - I know I posted a House version of this yesterday but this song has such a hold on me so here's Obi-Wan's version.

You had known Obi-Wan your whole life, had trained by his side since you were children and formed a friendship that had the older Jedi raising their eyebrows and whispering about attachments. You had been inseparable since you’d met, drawn to one another like it was the will of the Force and never once drifted apart from each other in all your years together.

It wasn’t until you were a few years older, well into your Padawan training, that you both began to see your friendship had transitioned into something more, something that had you feeling lighter than ever, something that had your chest feeling warm and your cheeks heating up. 

You were in love with Obi-Wan, Obi-Wan who was always there when you needed him, Obi-Wan who was always ready to pull you into his arms and talk about everything and nothing for hours, Obi-Wan who never hesitated to stand up for you when you let people put you down. You were in love with the man who stood for everything good, who was so kind and patient, who never gave you anything but fond and happy memories.

You loved him and you didn’t know what to do. What was there to do when you dedicated your whole life to an Order that forbade attachments? You couldn’t fathom how the Order could think something as beautiful as the feelings you felt for Obi-Wan could possibly lead you down a Dark path.

Obi-Wan had known he was in love with you for a long time, from the moment his gaze started to linger on you for a little longer when you looked away, from the moment he realised he longed for your company when you were pulled apart by separate missions, from the moment he realised all he wanted to do when you smiled at him was to pull you in and taste your lips.

He hadn’t been able to stop himself from doing just that when he was finally able to steal a moment alone with you when you returned from a mission two weeks later than intended after peace talks had turned violent and you and your Master had gotten caught in the midst of it. 

You hadn’t had more than a moment to register what was happening before you felt Obi-Wan’s lips on yours the second you walked into the room, freezing for a moment before sinking into the kiss, relaxing for the first time in weeks as your hands gripped Obi-Wan’s robes, both of you needing to assure yourselves you were safe.

From there everything evolved until you were sneaking around the Temple, keeping your relationship a secret, knowing you were breaking the rules and not caring if it meant you got to call Obi-Wan yours. It didn’t matter that you couldn’t tell anybody, it didn't matter that your relationship was built on stolen moments and secret meetings, you knew one day things would be different, you didn’t care about anything else.

The secret lasted well into knighthood and when Obi-Wan became a Master, having to train the young Skywalker boy it put a strain on your relationship. Suddenly it wasn’t just you and Obi-Wan sneaking around together, ignoring the whispers and the knowing glances from Qui-Gon as he left the quarters more and more frequently giving you and Obi-Wan plenty of time together. Suddenly in the space of one mission there was a Padawan and no time for stealing time together, now it was all about longing glances as the other was thrown more and more into their duties.

Eventually though it became easier to deal with, you and Obi-Wan were assigned missions together with Anakin coming along but as the years went on you made it work. You were sure the Padawan knew there was something going on between you and Obi-Wan, the cheeky grins and badly concealed winks he sent Obi-Wan’s way as he came up with excuses to leave the room for a while gave as much away,

You weren’t complaining, you loved any time you got to spend with Obi-Wan, you wished for more days that were spent laying side by side whether it be in a bed or a field littered with flowers but you knew that this was all he could offer you and all you could offer him right now.

So it went on like that, years passing by in secret as you loved each other quietly. You wanted it to be enough but there was a small part of you that was more and more persistent as the years passed, hopeful for something more.

You knew you’d leave the Order for the man, all he had to do was ask. You wanted him to ask more than anything, wanted him to steal you away in the middle of the night and put as much distance as possible between you and the rules of the Jedi Order. You wanted to build a life with him, one that didn’t need to be clouded by secrets and lies, one where you could kiss him whenever you wanted without always looking over your shoulder.

You wanted him to ask you.

He never did though and when the war started you pushed all those thoughts away. It wasn’t the time to leave, that’s what you told yourself anyway as you threw yourself into the war efforts, aching as you and Obi-Wan were separated yet again, only reunited when the Council ordered it. 

There were a few times you got to spend longer together, days that were spent on Coruscant, still surrounded by the war but easier to ignore as you made your way to Obi-Wan’s quarters after a long day of consulting with the Council.

“I’d say that was a rather successful meeting, wouldn’t you? If what we have planned works we’ll have Akippee in no time.” Obi-Wan grinned at you as he moved around the quarters, seemingly unable to try and leave the war outside of these walls, to savour the little bit of time you were able to have together.

You just hummed at him and let your fingers trail along the back of the sofa as you looked around the room, the room that had once brought you peace, had felt more like home than any place had before, the soft orange hues lighting the room but now it felt different, it felt empty.

Obi-Wan continued to talk, hardly noticing the fact it was a one sided conversation as your mind went into overdrive. You weren’t sure how he couldn’t see something was wrong, how could he glance over at you and smile, how could he chuckle and speak and not notice you were miles away questioning everything?

Eventually Obi-Wan led you into the bedroom, stating that you must both be exhausted from such a long day and it wasn’t long until the lights went out. Obi-Wan fell asleep easily, not pulling you close to his chest like he would have years back and you ignored the way another bit of your heart withered at the loss.

The sound of Obi-Wan breathing evenly and shuffling every so often used to comfort you, it used to lull you into a peaceful sleep and leave you well rested. Now it set your nerves on edge, it made you feel like you were alone even though you could reach out and touch him, though the space between you felt infinitely bigger than it was.

As he slept you stayed awake, sat up staring into the darkness of the room, letting your thoughts run wild, letting yourself wonder what was happening, letting yourself wonder if it was time to face the reality of what had become of you and him.

You loved Obi-Wan, the man was all you had ever known and you didn’t want to know anything else. You loved him more dearly than anything in the whole galaxy and yet here you were with him, feeling lonelier than you had ever felt in your life. 

All you wanted was a life with Obi-Wan, you wanted a proper, real life with Obi-Wan. One far away from the rules and regulations of the Jedi, one where attachments weren’t something to be feared, one where you could kiss him freely and without judgement, you wanted to give him every part of your life, you wanted to be his wife, you wanted to give him a family.

You wanted to give him everything.

You had tried to deny it for so long, tried to convince yourself you didn’t actually need that. You didn’t need to be Obi-Wan’s bride, you didn’t need to start a family with him and live your life openly to prove you loved him.

But it was never about proving anything, it was just something you wanted so badly and Obi-Wan had never given any indication he wanted anything more than you had. He seemed so content with what you had, never going forward, just staying where you were. 

There were too many problems with your relationship, sure the war could be blame for leaving you without seeing each other for months on end but you truly believed if the war hadn’t happened this would still have been the outcome, maybe it would have bought you a few more months maybe even years but it was always going to end up here.

There were too many problems and Obi-Wan didn’t see them, either he refused to see them or he was really so blinded to them. When you finally reunited it was like there was no time apart for him, like everything was still the same. Your heart was breaking and he was fine where you were. 

It was falling apart, you could see it breaking down before your eyes and yet Obi-Wan couldn’t. You wanted to scream at him, beg and plead for him to do something, to show it meant something to him, to show you meant something to him. You wanted him to take a risk, to leave the Order with you, to show that he would choose you. But he never did.

That night you slept fitfully, feeling even more drained than you had been the night before, only able to glare at Obi-Wan in the morning with a storm of emotions in your eyes as he went about getting ready for the day whilst keeping up a steady stream of conversation. He looked at you with a smile on his face and you wanted to scream some more, wanted to shake him and beg him to look at you, to see that you were dying, to see that he was losing you.

All you wanted was for him to see you, to see the mess that was your relationship and fight to save it, to do something to show he loved you. You wanted to believe your relationship could survive but your heartbeat felt like it was fading with every day that passed, it felt like you were going to die before Obi-Wan realised something was wrong.

“I can’t do this anymore.” You interrupted him, looking as shocked as he did at the outburst, not fully registering the words leaving your mouth or the decision to save yourself before your heart really did stop.

“Is everything ok?” Obi-Wan asked, his eyebrows knitting together as he put down his caf and turned to you, seemingly giving you all his attention but still not seeing you, not seeing how worn down you were.

“No.” You finally forced yourself to say after a few moments of silence passed where you could only stare at him, debating if you wanted to do this. “Obi-Wan, this isn’t working, we’re not working.”

“I don’t understand.” Obi-Wan told you softly, his hand coming up to scratch at his beard as he tried to figure out what was happening and why you were suddenly so unhappy with your relationship.

“I know you don’t.” You told him, voice shaky as you fought back tears. “I know you don’t, Obi-Wan and that’s the problem. You don’t understand despite all the signals I’ve given, you don’t understand even though it’s so clear to see.”

“What’s clear to see?” He asked you and the genuine confusion coming from him hurt your heart even more.

“Would you leave the Order for me?” You asked, never wanting to ask the question, not when you knew what the answer would be but it was the only thing you could think to ask to get him to understand something about how far your relationship had fallen.

Obi-Wan was silent for a moment too long, a moment that he actually seemed to recognise lasted for too long if the regretful look on his face meant anything. You let out a chuckle that sounded more like a sob and nodded, you’d already known the answer, if he was going to say yes he would have already left.

“I never wanted to lose you but you, you won’t do something, you won’t risk something to fight for us. You won’t even choose me, Obi-Wan. I can’t do this anymore, I’m tired, I’m so tired of being lonely.” You cried, a few tears slipping down your cheeks as you slid your robe on.

“Where are you going?” He asked quietly and you nearly sobbed, even now, even when you were walking out of the door he wouldn’t fight for you.

“To talk to Master Yoda, I can’t stay Obi-Wan, I can’t.” You told him and opened the door, waiting a moment for him to say something, to do something but he didn’t. He stayed silent and let you walk out of his quarters.

You barely held yourself together, hearing the door shut behind you and forced your feet to move until you got to an empty room. Only then did you let yourself fall apart, sobs wracking your body as you finally let everything out, everything you had been ignoring for years.

All you had wanted was for him to give you something, you had only ever wanted him to choose you the way you would always chose him but instead he hadn’t even fought to stop you from leaving, letting you go like you hadn’t given him your best years, hadn’t given him everything you had only to be left alone feeling like you heart wouldn’t start anymore.

Obi-Wan Kenobi Taglist (Click the link in my bio to add yourself!) - 

@paintlavillered​, @captainamericasdaughter15​, @bubsonnobx​ , @starkillerrr​, @heyitsaloy​, @fall-08​, @punkpirate82​, @bookfrog242​, @folklorianpixie​, @shadowheads-shitshow​, @dumb-fawkin-bitch​, @chiaraxtargaryen​,@myeyesandheartadjust,​ @evvy96​, @crazywitchbitch​, @little-diable​, @navs-bhat​, @alexxavicry, @asherhunterx, @myeyesandheartadjust, @top1bbgloak, @kpopperbree123, @audrie-bryant, @bitchineedfuckingtherapy, @lillianacristina, @thunder-ki, @ct-0113

Thank you so much for reading!💜