#Can We Keep Her meta

[amtrak12]

Fanfic Meta: First Draft vs Final Draft w/ Examples (2/2)

Part 2 of my meta post on first draft vs final draft using Chapter 10 of my Lucifer fic “Can We Keep Her” as an example. Part 1 can be found here.

Scene is below the cut. Bolded text is a part I wanted to specifically reference in my commentary at the end. The text was not bolded in the published version.

Despite her repeated reassurances this morning, Chloe was late returning for lunch. Thankfully, Rory didn’t notice. Her stomach had declared lunch two hours earlier, and so, full and happy, she played with Trixie’s old toys, unconcerned with who was and wasn’t there. When Chloe did finally arrive, she rushed off the elevator looking stressed and tossing out a dozen apologies for each step she took.

“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry, we had a last minute interview that, of course, could only be scheduled over the guy’s lunch break, never mind my own.”

Lucifer felt a pang of jealousy that she’d interviewed another suspect without him, a pang that deepened when the Detective’s gaze skirted right past him to search for the infant.

“Rory? I’m back — whoa….” Chloe spotted the large blanket fort that had taken over his living room. “You two have been busy.”

“The infant doesn’t have an off switch,” Lucifer dryly replied. His sarcasm was upstaged by said infant crawling out of the fort and squealing at Chloe.

“Mommy!”

Chloe grinned. “Monkey!” She dropped to her knees as Rory sprinted over to tackle her in a big hug. “Ohhh, I’ve missed you so much!” She squeezed Rory tightly. “Have you been having fun with Daddy?”

“With Lucifer,” he instantly corrected her. “Get her to say my name.”

“Right, sorry.” The Detective glanced up at him with more of an eye roll than an apology.

Rory giggled. “He’s silly.”

“Oh, just so silly,” Chloe agreed in that tooth-achingly sugary voice.

Lucifer wanted to argue. Better yet, he wanted to rage and vent. Between the two of them, couldn’t Chloe tell he was the one in distress? Certainly not the pampered infant. But before he could even utter an indignant ‘excuse me’, he realized how fruitless it would be. The Detective’s attention was focused exclusively on Rory. In fact, she looked relieved to see the girl which made matters so much worse.

Had he been too quick to believe her when she’d said she’d still trusted him? Was she not stressed over work but over the infant’s safety after leaving the girl in his care? But there was no interrogation, no pointed questions, no checking the infant over for injury. Chloe and the girl simply chatted the way Chloe would chat with her daughter after a school day. Nothing more, nothing less.

The revelation hit him like the reluctant understanding of the damned. Chloe really had missed the infant this morning. That’s why she was so relieved to see her now. She wasn’t patronizing the girl. She’d truly, honestly missed her.

As baffling as that was (Lucifer was quite sure he would never, ever miss the girl and wished she would disappear from the face of the earth right now), a second, more unsettling, thought slithered into his mind right behind it. Someone else should be missing Rory, too. If — as impossible as it was — his father hadn’t made the girl after all… if Rory was actually his daughter… then somewhere out there she had a mother. Someone who had taken care of Rory before the girl was dropped on his doorstep, someone who must have loved her very much given how healthy and spoiled the girl was. Was she worrying about Rory at this very minute?

Lucifer tried to shove the thought away, but it clung to him as tightly as the infant’s sticky, pinching hands.

“Oh, guess what?” Rory announced. “I got a new car seat.”

“You did?” Chloe said.

“Yeah, it’s almost as good as ours,” the girl said. “But it’s orange so it’s also better.”

“You got an orange car seat?”

“It has orange straps,” Lucifer clarified. “But she still had to play Goldilocks with the dozen other models at the store before she decided the orange one was the best.”

Chloe grinned like the infant’s fussiness was a delightful discovery.

“You’re picky, aren’t you?” she teased the girl.

Rory giggled at the tone and, far too proudly, replied, “Thank you!”

The Detective laughed and stood up with the girl in her arms. “Have you eaten lunch yet? Are you hungry?”

All smiles evaporated as Rory fell into a serious pout. “No, I haven’t eaten at all.”

“Liar!” Lucifer said with a scowl. He told Chloe, “She ate a peanut butter and banana sandwich the second we got home. She insisted on it.”

“Well, maybe she’s still hungry,” Chloe said.

“Well, maybe she shouldn’t have her thrown her plate of snacks on the floor,” Lucifer countered.

Chloe frowned, but, infuriatingly, it was his actions she questioned, not the three year old’s. “How many snacks did you give her?”

“One of each just like the Urchin suggested,” Lucifer said. “She declared fudge-striped cookies was the winner before she’d even sampled half of them. Then, when I wouldn’t hand over the rest of the package like she requested, she got pissy with me and flipped her plate right off the table.”

Chloe bit back a smirk. “Wow, that is so much funnier when it’s not my kid.” She turned to the infant and said, “Rory, we don’t throw things to get our way. That’s not how it works, okay?”

The manipulative infant curled sadly into Chloe’s shoulder. “But I cleaned it up.”

“After I made you! And I still had to go back over it myself,” Lucifer said. To Chloe, he added, “She’s terrible with a broom.”

For some frustrating reason, Chloe’s smirk grew. “Wow, look at you doling out sandwiches and punishments.”

“Because I’m the Devil.”

“So, you make peanut butter and banana sandwiches?” Chloe teased.

“So, I punish people!” Lucifer finally snapped. “That’s my job! I’m not a bloody father!”

The teasing slipped off the Detective’s face, but it did nothing to appease his anger. Then, the damn infant opened her mouth to make a fool of him once again.

“I think Daddy needs a nap.”

The corner of Chloe’s lips twitched upwards again, and Lucifer slammed his hands down on the bar.

“That’s it, I’ve changed my mind.” He glared at Rory. “Feel free to go out on the balcony any time you like, infant — in fact, please, let’s head out there now. Maybe you’ll tumble over the railing and I won’t have to see you anymore.

He marched off to the balcony. For the first time in days, he unlocked the doors and stepped outside. A blast of dry wind hit him and grabbed him by the chest. It felt like he hadn’t been outside — truly outside — in days either. Stepping out to run errands with the infant didn’t count. Lucifer needed space to breathe, space to be free. The penthouse wasn’t safe anymore, not with the infant around. It didn’t belong to him. Nothing belonged to him lately. Not his relationship with the Detective, not his home, not even his own bloody body now that his wings were back. It was all Dad’s, Dad’s, Dad’s.

He glared up into the cloudless sky. “You’re probably laughing it up right now, aren’t you, Dad?” The urge to throw or punch swept over him, but there was nothing around to hit. “Fuck!”

Chloe walked out onto the balcony, and Lucifer cursed again.

“Oh, perfect. What’s the lecture this time, Detective? Don’t curse in front of the infant? Don’t raise your voice?”

“I’m just checking on you,” Chloe said calmly.

“Right,” Lucifer scoffed. “You left the infant alone, you know.”

“She’s picking up her toys so we can eat lunch in the blanket fort.”

The damn brat really was picking up. Lucifer could see her through the window. He didn’t know why he was surprised by that. Of course, she would be cleaning up; the infant always listened to what Chloe said. In fact, Chloe should just take the girl to live with her since they got along so well. She could have two daughters, and he could go back to having none. It would suit him just fine.

He shook his head and stared out over the balcony railing.

“Lucifer, what happened?” Chloe asked. “Has Rory been acting out? Did she cause trouble during your therapy appointment?”

“Oh, she certainly did that,” he said. “The little worm broke Linda and made her completely useless to me again. And then she accused me of not listening!”

Chloe frowned. “Rory or Linda?”

“Rory,” Lucifer snapped. “Who do you think has been driving me up the wall all day? It’s all Rory, Rory, Rory!”

In a neutral tone, Chloe said, “Yeah, three year olds are a lot of work.”

“Work I’m not supposed to be doing, because she’s not supposed to be here!” Lucifer said. “Dr. Linda couldn’t wrap her head around it. Kept asking me how a baby angel happened, like I have all the answers. Well, guess what, Detective? I don’t! I don’t have any bloody idea how or why there’s a baby angel walking around on Earth. You know who probably does? My Father!” He turned and shouted up at the sky. “But of course, you won’t share that answer with us, will you, Dad? Because when do you ever do that?”

“Lucifer—“

“You’ll just sit up there, watching from on high, judging us as we all fuck up whatever plans you made.” He gave a wild laugh. “Or worse, we’re all playing right into your hands again. Is that what this? Another game?”

“Lucifer!”

The heat of Chloe’s hand on his arm froze the breath in his throat. He looked back at her, still shaking with too much rage.

“Stop,” Chloe said. “There’s no point in yelling at your Father. He’s not here right now.”

“Exactly why I’m yelling at Him!” Lucifer said. “He’s screwing with my head again, and I’m bloody sick of it!”

“Rory is the one who’s here right now.”

“But she isn’t supposed to be!” Lucifer argued. “Baby angels don’t exist. Fact. End of story.”

“And yet she does! And she’s inside, right now“

“She’s a mutant,” Lucifer said. “Or an experiment or a mistake that my Father—“

“Stop it!” Chloe cut in. “Stop trying to explain it when we don’t have an explanation.”

Lucifer threw his hands up in the air. “News flash, Detective, that’s exactly what everyone is doing! Every single person including you keep insisting that she’s my daughter. Well, what makes that explanation any more true than mine?”

The frustration slipped from Chloe’s face. The argument halted.

“You’re right.”

“What?”

“We are all jumping to conclusions,” Chloe said. “None of us actually know what’s true.”

Was she really agreeing with him? That was… disorienting.

“So… Rory’s not my daughter now?” he asked. “We’re going to stop assuming she is?”

“We’re going to stop assuming anything,” Chloe said, “and instead treat this like one of our cases.”

Lucifer’s confusion deepened. “The infant hasn’t murdered anyone. She’s just annoying.”

Chloe replied, “No, not treating it like a murder. I mean just in general. If this was a case, then we would need to back up and start gathering evidence with an open mind instead of only looking for the evidence that fits our theory.”

“Your theory is impossible!”

“Every theory for Rory’s existence sounds impossible,” Chloe argued back. “God creating a toddler angel for the first time in all of history? That sounds ridiculous.”

Petulantly, Lucifer said, “It could’ve been my mother.”

“Which is as equally impossible as an angel having a child, by the sounds of it,” Chloe said. “So, we should stop looking for what is or isn’t possible and instead focus on figuring out what explanation best fits the evidence.”

Oh, he did not like where she was going with this. The only evidence they had right now was Rory’s white wings and the DNA results.

“But that just brings us back to me being her father.”

Chloe nodded. “So, we pursue the lead.”

“That’s not a lead. It’s slander,” Lucifer said, but the Detective ignored him.

“If you’re really Rory’s father, then that means she has a mother,” Chloe said. “A human mother right here on Earth that we can track down.”

“If there is a mother to track down.”

“I know, but we have try.” Chloe asked him, “You don’t happen to have a little black book somewhere listing everyone you slept with about 4 years ago, do you?”

He didn’t. But he could easily make one. Lucifer didn’t forget a face, but in this moment, he wished he could.

“It’s a long list,” he warned, on the needle-thin chance the Detective would balk at pursuing this line of investigation.

But even that needle-thin chance was destroyed when Chloe simply shrugged. “Yeah, I remember how long your list of sexual partners was for eight weeks. I can estimate what a whole year is going to look like.” She turned thoughtful. “But we might not even need the full year if Rory knows what her birthday is. Have you tried asking her?”

“Even if she did, there’s no telling we can believe….” He trailed off as he glimpsed Rory through the balcony window. The girl had her face pressed up against the glass, mouth spread open, as she made distorted faces at them.

“Rory!” he barked. “Knock that off! You’re smudging the glass.”

The infant jumped back from the window. She tensed when Chloe looked over as well and clasped her hands behind her back to feign innocence.

But Chloe didn’t scold the girl. Instead, she wrinkled her nose with a conspiratorial smile and beckoned the girl outside. Rory brightened into a grin and ran for the door.

“Don’t actually let her out here!” Lucifer complained. “I didn’t mean what I said earlier.” But he was ignored. Rory excitedly ran onto the balcony, and Chloe picked her up to carry her on her hip.

“Hi, monkey. Did you finish cleaning up?”

The infant pointed at the city skyline behind Chloe’s shoulder and cooed, “Pretty.”

“Yeah, it is pretty,” Chloe said. “Lucifer has a really nice view, doesn’t he?”

“Yeah.” Then, Rory’s face fell into a perfect mimicry of pitiful sadness. “Daddy, I broke a blanket.”

Lucifer had already grown accustomed to not understanding seventy-five percent of what the girl said, but this wasn’t fantastical imaginings or potential fortune telling. It was just run-of-the-mill infant nonsense.

“You broke a blanket,” he repeated. Nope, it didn’t make any more sense when he said it.

“Yeah, it fell down.”

He rolled his eyes. “So, you broke the blanket fort.”

“Aw, well we can fix that for you,” Chloe said. She kissed the girl’s cheek which earned her another grin. “Are you ready for your second lunch now?”

“Yeah! I’m so hungry.”

“Oh, you’re so hungry. You poor thing,” the Detective baby-talked to the girl.

Joy once again radiated from Chloe as she carried Rory inside. Lucifer’s mood, though, darkened. He understood why Chloe was so determined to find the girl’s mother, and it wasn’t to gather more evidence to explain the girl’s existence. No, Chloe saw a lost and helpless child who’d been abandoned, and she wanted to get justice for the girl.

But Lucifer wasn’t convinced it was the girl’s mother who should be punished.

------------

My Thoughts:

Okay, we see the difference here, right? The scene is certainly longer, yes. (2525 vs 1936 words) And while some of that is just the difference between how I write first drafts vs final drafts (again, *points to self* underwriter) — the main reason, the final draft is longer is simply because Lucifer has more to contribute to the story at this point in time. His version is meatier. There’s more going on. There’s more conflict -- which I did not expect, honestly. Like yes, he’s more conflicted about Rory at this point in time, but I didn’t realize he was going to snap in the middle there even though it fits into the larger picture of this chapter.

These things always seem obvious in retrospect, but my initial thought process was:

Ugh, my brain is tired from rewriting Linda’s scene for the fifth time. I have no idea what this last Chloe scene needs :/

Wait… should I maybe write this from Lucifer’s POV? Would that help me?

*plays with Lucifer’s POV in my head, considering the ways it shifts the scene until Lucifer gets frustrated and I realize “OH” there’s something here.*

And that’s when I rewrote it from Lucifer’s POV. I like strong emotions. Strong emotions typically mean I’m onto something. Strong emotions that don’t resolve themselves mean I’m missing something, and I definitely couldn’t resolve Lucifer’s frustration initially. I had the bit about Rory and the snacks, Chloe teasing Lucifer, and Lucifer snapping. I had him ranting on the balcony, and I knew it would still resolve with the decision to search for Rory’s birth mother (now decided in the scene and not already decided by Lucifer before the scene). But that transition from rant to resolution wasn’t there. I thought Chloe needed to talk him down somehow, and it just wasn’t working.

And then I found the pivot point which I’ve bolded above. Chloe doesn’t calm him down or make him see reason or convince him of anything. She’s the one who gives in. Lucifer’s making good points. Rory’s impossible, we can’t make assumptions — okay then why does everyone keep assuming she’s his daughter? And I already wanted to make the comparison to how they work their cases. I included that in the original draft. But this version is better. It’s not just suggested this time, it’s a solution to an argument. Lucifer’s conflict isn’t fully resolved still, but it’s not supposed to be at this point in the story. All this scene needed to do was move them to the next step of the plot (searching the wrong year for Rory’s birth mother). Both versions do that, but this one also supports Lucifer’s emotional journey.

It also still shows Chloe’s parental feelings for Rory, and probably shows them better than the first draft. 1) They are strong feelings, and like I said, I do find strong feelings easier to show through an outside perspective. And 2) Lucifer is very observant of Chloe and every little thing she does or says. He may not interpret them correctly, but he sees them. (Unrelated to this example scene, but this is also why I use his POV to show similarities between Rory’s and Chloe’s mannerisms and facial expressions. Chloe wouldn’t notice them because she doesn't see her own facial expressions on a daily basis -- but Lucifer does, and he'll notice when Rory makes some of the same expressions. So, I've had fun slipping those extra time travel/Chloe is Rory's mother clues into his POV.)

The final, big improvement: even more Rory cuteness. I love her making faces against the balcony window. I love the info about her throwing her plate because Lucifer wouldn’t give her more cookies. Saying “I broke a blanket” when she knocked over part of the blanket fort is way more ‘three year old’ than saying “fix it” when the TV show stops playing. And I absolutely adore her exaggerated play-acting to get her way. I’ve demonstrated that trait in previous chapters because it’s a fun clue to Rory’s origins that also doubles as a red herring for the characters. It seems like she inherited Lucifer’s charisma, but it’s actually the acting gene from Chloe’s side shining through. But I don’t just use it for the dramatic irony. A not-insignificant part of the time travel reveal is them realizing how they misinterpreted this specific clue and feeling like they should have realized Chloe was Rory’s mother so much earlier. So, the more chances I have to emphasize Rory’s acting skills, the better.

I think the only thing I lost when switching POVs was the info that Chloe wasn't late for lunch because she was interviewing a suspect (which is what Lucifer assumes). She was late because she was interviewing a family member of the victim (which Chloe knew and could share with the reader when it was in her POV). I wish I had still found a way to convey that info in Lucifer's POV, but it doesn't truly affect the plot. All that information does is confirm Chloe isn't making headway on this case which helps justify Pierce taking it away from her in Chapter 11. But that doesn't exactly need justification. Since this is a canon case, the reader already knows the second victim was never killed so Chloe is missing the connection to Lucifer that she would need to solve the case. And also Pierce doesn't take the case away from Chloe because she's being too slow at solving it. He takes it away from her to prevent her from solving it since murdering people Lucifer did favors for no longer serves his goals.

Final note, I believe there are still improvements I can make to this scene, however I'm posting this WIP on a set schedule and I just ran out of time. With all the rewrites Chapters 8 and 10 required, Lucifer's version of this final scene didn't get to incubate as long as I would like so I haven't quite worked out why it still feels a little choppy and how to fix it. I think the transition to the balcony needs work. I think there should probably be a more explicit agreement from Lucifer about searching for Rory's birth mother. Little things like that. The content is all there. The scene does it's job. It's just not quite as polished as I like my scenes to be before I publish them.

Still, I hope it demonstrated the difference between a first and final draft. I also hope my insights into why I wrote both versions the way I did were helpful, whether you're reading it the day I post it or years in the future. :)

If I find other examples or topics I want to talk through, I will certainly make posts about them. If you have specific writing meta topics you'd like to explore, feel free to ask me. I may not have proper answers because I'm just a fanfic writer. But also I've been writing/trying to write fanfic for like 20 years, so I do have some experience to pull from ;)

Oh and if you remember that large-ass table of meta links from LiveJournal, please for the love of the old school internet, can you send me the link or the wayback link or anything you might have? There was some good shit there :( Thank you!

[mjulmjul]

Katya / Goncharov

[fumifooms]

"Marchil? I guess I can see it on Chilchuck’s end, but what about Marcille’s? What makes you think she could develop feelings for him?" I’m glad you asked!

The first thing to note is that she does think highly of him

In the page on the right, literally defending his virtues and literally comparing him to Dalclan. And oh…

She does love a brooding mysterious guy who closes himself to love. But surely, Chilchuck isn’t her type at all, right? He’s not princely or knightly at all. In apperances certainly not, both looks wise and demeanor wise, but then that’s why she seeks to know him on a deeper level, to not only look shallowly.

And hmm. Chilchuck really is quite selfless isn’t he? Always looking out for others, and saving specifically her often, always making sure himself and, staying in or even running towards danger for her sometimes. Modesty is often considered heroic…

And can we talk about that drowning one… You can definitely frame the special attention as him knowing she tends to hesitate or be clumsy, and then his insistance on pulling her out of danger that she’s the healer aka the most important to keep alive, but. From the one who says that he just keeps his ass out of fights and won’t help this is a lot of risk to take, and he does die trying to pull her to safety in the dungeon rabbits chapter. And the drowning bit??? That’s when the dungeon collapses. The only reason they DON’T die of drowning here is that the water then gives way to outside. There was NO hope of pulling her to safety here and resurrections would likely not work either, he truly preferred to die with her than try to survive himself.

Sit your ass back DOWN you are in no state, self-sacrifical hero much damn

And Marcille definitely noticed this imo, after all she loves learning all she can about him, remembering things like how he hates waiting on people too. She pays attention to him and what he does and what he says. This to say that it’s notable, whatever reason for it you may think (though we know by this point at least she was already aware he was an adult though it wasn’t internalized), out of everyone it’s Chilchuck’s bed that she wants to sleep in during the Golden Kingdom stay. He’s safe and comforting to her: dependable, the defining trait in her view of him as is shown by the relationship chart in the Adventurer’s Bible.

^ Lending handkerchiefs is a romance trope btw and handkerchiefs have irl history of being used for courting. Especially in old English literature and plays like Shakespeare’s Othello, and personally I do see a lot of Shakespeare in Dalclan (nobility political drama with some romance). There’s how his cowl is a dearly beloved souvenir from his family too, there’s a lot of aesthetic tropes you can apply to him.

All this to say you can 100% romanticize Chilchuck into a princely noble guy if you try and that’s exactly what Marcille does with the wife roleplay. She doesn’t need much in the first place, she latches onto crumbs and makes aesthetic narratives out of details, give her an inch she’ll take a mile.

But what’s interesting about the shift throughout the arc of her and his relationship is that she starts out idealizing him into a little angel of a kid (shapeshifter), and she ends it idealizing him as a virtuous husband and family man instead.

And what’s doubly interesting is that in the former, she’s actively warping who he is personality and demeanor wise to fit the aesthetic, he doesn’t have that bitter pride of not asking for help and the edges have been smoothened. But what she does during the wife roleplay is something else, she acknowledges the flaws and just… Accepts them, rolls with them. She’s aware of his flaws and implements them into the narrative, but the reason why his wife left doesn’t capitalize on them even, rather Chil is chilblivious and his wife loves him very much still, she’s just testing him after having had a night of feeling out of place at his side.

And this is what separates the idealization vs romanticization, she’s not twisting him into someone else she’s just uplifting what he is and focusing on the good sides.

Marcille: "he has a shitty personality sometimes but if he was my husband I’d still cherish him" "If I were your wife I’d be overjoyed to go out with you and would get myself prettied up while you complain about me taking a long time, your friends would tell me that I’m nice and that’d make me happy, but I’d also be sad because you wouldn’t tell me that you love me enough"

He’s angry and his wife left him, he’s *flawed*, but he’s still worth hyping up, still worth having his own romance story, still has a shot of winning back his beloved. She sees him for what he is, human and real and not a carefully scripted character that fits an aesthetic, and she thinks it’s still worthy of love and admiration and fighting for

And what’s funny too is that you might expect her to cool down on him once she learns more about him but actually she only gets increasingly into his business. You tell her your age and next thing you know you promise to introduce her to your family. Give her an inch she takes a mile. And too the thing is, Senshi is equally mysterious but she doesn’t pester him like at all, asks him ONCE about his succubus and he doesn’t even answer and that’s like… It. With Chilchuck it starts off innocently enough with her wanting to know his age, hometown, the stuff she mentions having asked pre-canon. But it just keeps and keeps going and escalating. Think she’ll be satisfied now knowing you have a wife and kids, maybe she’s disillusioned now? Wrong! She wants to know their names and ages and occupations and hey how did you propose to your wife? Do you think she’ll stop after meeting them? What’s next? What will she want to know next????

She’s… Like it’s not a reach that Marcille is all over him. Like it doesn’t mean it’s romantic but she just is. She is not normal about him idk. Can you not ask him about what tongue technique he used when first kissing his wife, give the man breathing room

Marcille could literally go "if I was Chilchuck’s wife" having deeply pondered and thought out the hypothetical and people would still ask where anyone sees any romantic potential between them. Oh wait

There’s a platonic explanation for everything (almost?) in Dungeon Meshi don’t say I’m saying otherwise, but it’s definitely not like there’s nothing here to read into lol

Going off a bit more under read bc it’s my fave topic

Marcille has a whole theme with the charming prince trope with her idealization and storybook motif and Chil is kinda the "Well someone perfect like that isn’t very realistic and romance is usually more complex and that’s ok and good and flawed people can still be ✨virtuous✨" catalyst

Do you see do you see she starts canon thinking the most romantic thing is a prince charming but her arc in the end has her romanticizing an average, flawed, real and realistic family man, who’s on the poorer side and is on the verge of divorce. And that’s what he needed, too, seeing the positive of himself and the situation instead of focusing on the negative is explicitly what inspires him to hope that he might be able to reconcile with his wife, gives him the courage and self-esteem to shoot his shot.

He IS a prince figure instead that now it’s not about idealizing the grand and overt it’s about romanticizing the small things in real life!! About finding joy and beauty in things that seem normal or mundane and uplifting them to make the world feel kinder!!!!

He’s the devoted virtuous man that she wantsss not the storybook prince that’s unrealistic and could crumble like a script at any time. He’s the perfect example of a flawed realistic but virtuous & devoted & loving man. Far from a prince charming, but not fully detached from it either. Something worth fighting for despite the flawed cracks. Like literally, flawed romance being worth fighting for is literally the finale of Chilchuck and Marcille’s arc on the matter, where their separate arcs and issues intersect at the most crucial moment.

Marcille is important to Chil’s arc not only because of her optimism, but also because of her interest and knowledge in romance & matters of the heart, and that’s what he needs to both open his heart up to hope and to try to reconcile with his wife, like idk sounds gay

Their arc together is literally learning to 1) see each other for how they are and not undermining their qualities capacities etc etc while still not leaving flaws unchecked either and 2) opening up to people. Marcille LITERALLY makes Chil open his heart up to hope like idk man. What do you want from me. He’s literally the guy helping her through deconstructing novels and fantasy and rose tinted glasses and like. Deconstructing the prince charming figure into something more real but still romantically beautiful like KUI KUI STOOOOP STOP I’M ALREADY HOOKED I’M ALREADY-

 Ok fine that’s me reading into the tropes too much forgive me for being storybook brained but like. Speaking his heart out to a lone woman on a balcony, Romeo and Juliette shit, asking if she, too, doesn’t want to meet his family, madly blushing. And like she’s learned with Chilchuck it’s all in the little things, all the implications he cannot speak aloud. She does reciprocate, does blush madly back, and the first thing she does is shower him in flowers and jewelry and what in her heart is coded as romantic gifts

A lady, stashed away in a high tower by her lonesome, waiting for someone to call out to her from below… Romeo courting type shit with an offer, a heartfelt spiel, implicit confession from underneath her balcony. Offering him flowers because he succeeded in calling out to her heart…….. And they have to climb to her too…. Crazy

Doesn’t it sound like a proposal. One that’s both so storybook-like and not, contrastedly real and grounded, all about the implications rather than in your face grand gestures, "Don’t you want to meet my family?". They literally have an arc about the topic of romance and this is the climax/pinnacle of it like god?? This is @ the woman who said "Chilchuck is a shy/bashful man so I know he wouldn’t tell me he loves me, but…" btw

To quote a friend, truly the shiny secret unlockable dating sim capture target : THE DUNGEON LORD BIT WAS SO FUNNY BECAUSE HE KNEW SHE'D TAKE IT HOOK LINE AND SINKER HES THE ONE WHO GOT HER TO TURN AROUND COMPLETELY SHES LIKE. WIDE EYED FLAG RAISED???? FLAG RAISED WITH CHILCHUCK 👀👀👀‼️👀👀‼️👀

And the way that this is the culmination of their arc together… Like people are not ready for the ‘Chil calling out to dunlord Marcille on the balcony has Romeo and Juliette romance novels imagery’ take. Or the ‘their arc is about growing to see beauty even in the non-idealized, in the flawed and in the real’ take which makes it so so perfect if she were to lower her ideal from a charming elven prince to a virtuous halfling man (which she does end up romanticizing)

So there, you got to witness in real time what happens when I think about marchil for longer than 2 minutes, there are so many layers it’s a deranged rabbithole. I saw the necronomicon of subtext and it’s driving me to madness with forbidden knowledge that no one else sees

……. Like what if I told you she implicitly picked Chilchuck over a "unrealistic prince charming who’s actually disingenuous" much earlier in the story already. If she was given the choice to think through going with a guy that seems perfect and chivalrous like her succubus she’d pick Chilchuck over the other actually. If I sound insane rn tune in for my full analysis on them coming this month hopefully thank youu. Interwoven arcs of fantasy vs reality and idealization vs pessimism I love youuu

So now you know the general thesis of my planned analysis about the importance of the prince charming figure in Marcille and Chilchuck’s arc, where she romanticizes things to a sometimes worrying degree or idealize people into something easy and digestible and poetic (like Chil being a kid, and then him being a virtuous ✨✨✨husband), and how she needs to value aesthetics less and actual acts and facts more, be more grounded (like seeing people for what they are flaws and all, and accepting that people need money and not pulling through on principles of honor or unity shouldn’t get Namari shamed) and a part of that is accepting that Chilchuck is BOTH flawed and virtuous, a loving husband that still has shitty moods and fumbled his marriage so bad etc etc. So it’s like, her image of perfect prince charming that will whisk you away on an ethereal romance -> realistic flawed middle aged dad with personality issues and a failing marriage but he still is worthy of love and having his cute grand romance story and his happy ending. Ik I keep repeating the same point through this but I need it to be burned into everyone’s brains it has its grip on me I can’t do this. They are so special……

[purplink8]

Can I be real for a second? I don't think L giving a foot massage to Light was very in-character of him. Like manga!L would've totally scoffed at how pathetic anime!L appeared when he did that.

I like the rain scene bc it's really pretty (also Light MOANS bc of L? *sighs* yeah i ship lawlight) but I'm always so ?? at anime!L's behavior? The anime made L way too melancholic and y'know self-deprecating kinda guy. In contrast, manga!L (whom I love to death) is so so confident in doing what he's doing and has the time of his life during the Kira case as he's intellectually challenged (by Light) as he figures out the case little by little.

I don't get where the anime creators got the idea that L is a very sad character who cares about justice so much so that he's actually Justice itself? Manga!L enjoys solving cases. I'm not saying that L doesn't care about justice at all- just that he cares more about winning.

So, the anime creators looked at a character who cares about winning (& his own ego) than everything else and decided to... make him give a foot massage to his nemesis (surprise surprise bible symbolism featuring L as Jesus *🤮* coming up) apparently due to accepting Light's (boy's first debut as Judas) 'betrayal' how can there be betrayal when there was no trust between them in the first place and saying "It is the least I can do to atone for my sins"...

The only way I could've made a little sense of this is if L was mocking Kira with that line but the anime just had to go above & beyond to make it (L's actions) seem too genuine for that to be true. which is. so. FRUSTRATING

Manga!L wouldn't have done anything like that. Not even ironically (he'd have thought it to be below him for pretending to be accepting his defeat mockingly to Kira). Even Manga!L's not enough of a bastard to try to compare himself with Jesus (and just after knowing (god knows how) that he's going to die)- like that's too stupid omg: even for a mockery.

Does he actually think that Light would pick up on the (him as Jesus) symbolism and be like 'oh no! L is too noble like Jesus to die by my betrayal i'm such a bad judas how come i NEVER NOTICED THIS BEFORE'... and decide to spare L's life? Or embrace his inner Judas like the bad bitch he is and finish L for that godawful mockery of Jesus?

Whenever I think about Anime!Light's in-character reaction I crack up as it would be smth like 'wow this guy who graduated summa cum laude from torture university is pretending to be Jesus? lol what a real piece of work. would've expected better from you L: so pathetic lmao i hope rem kills you soon i'm so done with you rn- rip 💀'

Manga!L (if he knew he were going to die (don't know how that's possible in the anime; still we're talking about how the anime creators seem to see L as Jesus so ~anything is possible~) that is) would never go 'guess i'll die' accept his defeat offering a foot massage to his enemy and inwardly throw a pity party being all "… It'll be lonely, won't it?" GIRL you were the one going on & about how you'd EXECUTE Kira once you catch him on live tv (also saying that you'd bring Kira's head to the task force) I REALLY doubt you'd feel lonely if either one of you were to die- that (killing each other) was the point!!

Manga!L is a selfish character: he values his victory above all else so the anime making him accept defeat that easily + gracefully doesn't sit well with me.

[kimbapisnotsushi]

the part where kiyoko is running to get hinata's shoes and leaves yachi alone to take care of the tsubakihara match is so monumental to me because it was a passing of the torch at nationals when it was kiyoko's first time at nationals, too!! from the very beginning, she had always wanted to fly with the rest of them!! she had every right to be the one standing with the team during that first game!! but she doesn't!! kiyoko leaves knowing that she'll barely just make it back in time!! she leaves knowing that she'll have to let yachi to fend for herself!! she leaves knowing that she won't be able to stand with the people she loves, that she won't be able to support them and care for them the way she has for the past three years so that they could make it where they are now, and asks yachi to take it up in her stead!! and she's okay with that!! because kiyoko knows, just as much as anyone else, that if they want to win, they have to do what's needed to rise up to the challenge!! even if they're defeated the very next day, even if it suddenly comes to an end, all that matters to kiyoko is that she and everyone else are able to fight until they absolutely can't anymore!! and she will do everything in her power to make that happen!!

tl;dr this is my appreciation post for shimizu kiyoko who deserves everything ever thank you and good night

[bittersweetresilience]

say hi to me i don't know, i just remembered being so much brighter, i guess

cigarette ash like wildfire burning holes in the nighttime open scars feel like barbed wire white lies flying high like a ceasefire dropping flags on the shoreline this is as far as i can feel right 'cause what you don't know can haunt you

and all we ever wanted was sunlight and honesty highlights to want to repeat let's get away from here and live like the movies do i won't mind when it's over at least i didn't think for a while

don't drag it out living like that doesn't mean a thing

so let's, make a great escape and i'll be waiting outside for the getaway it doesn't matter who we are we'll keep running through the dark and all we'll ever need is another day we can slow down 'cause tomorrow is a mile away and live like shooting stars 'cause happy endings hardest to fake

and i wanna let you know i wanna let you go but i just can't bring myself to speak but this is how it goes the end credits, they roll this bridge was built over kerosene but we can watch it and all i ever wanted was sunlight and honesty highlights to want to repeat let's get away from here and live like the movies do i won't mind when it's over at least i didn't think

so let's run, make a great escape and i'll be waiting outside for the getaway it doesn't matter who we are we'll keep running through the dark and all we'll ever need is another day we can slow down 'cause tomorrow is a mile away and live like shooting stars you can wish away forever but you'll never find a thing like today

[yb-cringe]

yeah listen im a diehard qjaiden apologist but also ya gotta be calmmmm just be calmmmm i know its very much a touchy subject to see a grieving person and go oh shes crazy— not the best delivery (not that i can be too critical considering hes speaking another language not native to him so he might not know what else to say) but you gotta admit jaiden looks so extremely suspicious

she came out of nowhere several days after losing her son, after going no contact in self imposed exile, with basically exactly what they needed- a new plan from cucurucho that they’re all totally free to talk about and discuss- shes not hiding any of it. the pomme situation aside thats extremely suspicious. too good to be true isnt a strong enough descriptor.

and to make matters worse she seems completely fine with her life in extreme and total danger. shes seen cellbit she knows about the kidnappings but she seems not even a little worried— they had! to make her better armor! and stasis chambers! for her!

and WE KNOW that this is because really qjaiden is still extremely flippant and uncaring of her own life for any means other than to peruse her last goal in life (to keep the eggs safe) but /they/ don’t know that. theyre seeing an entirely different picture of someone who is, if not dangerous intentionally than is dangerous unintentionally. so. yeah.

[joeysmuttonchops]

[Wonder Woman (2023) #5]

if tom king did one thing for me it was these four pages. everything else ill kill him for, but these four pages DO hit.

Yara and Diana's relationship is more like Diana and Artemis' than it's like the other wonder girls. at this point Yara are Diana have only had a few major interactions: in Wonder Woman Rebirth #794-796, where Diana asks Yara for her help with Eros; in Trial of the Amazons when Diana gifts Yara with a new tiara (which she's wearing here), and in Wonder Woman Rebirth #800, in a dream sequence where they discuss sacrifice for the "cause". While its implied that Diana feels some responsibility for Yara, its only really because Yara is so much younger than her, and Yara doesn't return the kind of respect to her of a mentor, because she was never Yara's mentor. In many ways they see each other as equals. Or, if you have to interpret it through a hierarchy, as work friends with an age gap-an important and underutilized relationship.

which makes it interesting, how risky Yara's challenge is. Cassie and Donna's don't put either of them, or Diana, in harms way, but here Yara and Diana are, shooting each other. it could imply seriousness, that Yara is willing to risk this, or more of a measure of reality. Compared to Yara, both Cassie and Donna seem to be playing games (and Donna literally is). Even with Diana's line that Yara IS playing games, Yara ends up bleeding. It's also a major point for Yara, whose mythmaking is already a major character trait. Yara's challenge is by far the most cinematic, and it's impossible for her to have intended anything else.

i also want to point out that this is, essentially, four trick shots. meeting the first 6 arrows together means that one of them, if not both, were aiming for the arrows and not the other person for their whole conversation.

also "Modesty is not a virtue of the gods, nor of I," rips as a Yara line, even if you're making her talk old timey for no reason. why did you do that.

[iniziare]

Tag drop: Jingliu

[araneitela]

Seeing Kafka in overtly revealing ("sexy") dresses in fan arts: I just... don't see why? Me over here: The most 'revealing' thing that I can imagine her in, if I envision her without a coat draped over her shoulders, is something like this. Am I just weird; where am I supposed to see this 'overtly revealing' nature of hers that oozes 'sexy'? That woman has class, and in that, I think she's sexy (f I have to use the word). And where do I get that impression from? Her entire default attire screams it at me from the rooftops.

[orchideae]

A few quick random tidbits about Yanshang Teahouse:

— Teahouse/casino. While said to be 'disguised' as a teahouse, Yanshang does seem to genuinely function as one, or at least during the daytime. And it's primarily during the evening hours that it functions more actively as a casino. Now I need to note, the latter is not public knowledge. Or rather, it's more so a rumor that holds a fair bit of truth to it. But a rumor is a rumor nonetheless. This is vital, because it is because of this that it is still running. I've spoken a fair bit about this behind the scenes lately, but Yanshang functions as a casino because it draws 'less than good people' into a surrounding that has everything playing against them, and through that, Yelan is able to gather intelligence that benefits everyone, especially Ning. So if the latter for example, Ningguang were to know its full ins and outs, it would actually mean that she'd have to turn a blind eye to something that is not fully legal, which spells all kinds of trouble for the person responsible for, well, the law in Liyue Harbor?

— Gambling. Yelan has gained a reputation for her gambling skills, and is even rumored to cheat when the need calls for it (though of course, this isn't picked up on, it seems!), as is noted in her fifth character story: "If there is a draw, that could only mean one thing: Her opponents are cheating too.", and so potential opponents are advised to steer clear of playing against her through word on the streets of the harbor.

— Home? While this is not Yelan's home whatsoever, there is an upstairs area that is something akin to her 'private quarters'. It holds no personal affects that are tied to her directly, but to an extent, if one were to ever intrude/break in (past The Halbert and the Fang, somehow), you'd find the 'guise' tied to this notorious woman who owns Yanshang. But this guise is not quite her. Again, she works in personas, some much more realistically than others (the art of it, is knowing what of yourself you put into personas as to add to their authenticity's longevity). Either way, there is a comfort and peace that she finds in it, and the room is somewhat styled into a decorum that Yelan appreciates, beyond the 'keeping up appearances' aspect to it. It is hers in the end, to some degree.

— Finances. While one would be led to believe that Yelan gains a lot of financial benefits through Ningguang, Yelan's second character story might beg to differ: 'The way (Yelan) sees it, she is not so much working for Ningguang as making good on her end of the deal, or rather... she is honoring a certain pact. She plucks the fruits of intelligence from the tree of danger for Ningguang, and in return, all she asks for is danger itself and the sense of achievement.' While I'm decently certain that Yelan might occasionally stand to gain some sort of financial gain through the Qixing, it seems evident that it's not what her primary motive is. Yelan seems to not be interested in luxury by default (she lived in a hut for a long time), and more so seeks a sense of freedom, thrill and personal achievement. Now do I think that because of this, she's not well off? No, I simply think that the majority of her income may actually come from Yanshang Teahouse, and, to put it not-so-eloquently, ripping off bandits, and hopefully, specifically some Fatui in the process.

[amtrak12]

Fanfic Meta: First Draft vs Final Draft w/ Examples (1/2)

Does anybody remember those LiveJournal posts on fanfic meta? Like not actual fanfic, but meta on how to write/post a fanfic? There was a whole big table of links that I can no longer find, but I HAVE tracked down synedochic's posts on dreamwidth. These were hands down the most helpful things I've read on story structure until I discovered Helping Writers Become Authors years later. Just INCREDIBLE work.

Anyway, you still see meta on how to post fic on Tumblr, but you don’t really get writing meta much, unless someone is analyzing the text of a specific fandom. So now that I’m finally hitting the point where I can write to the level of my tastes (or near enough to enjoy reading my own work), I thought it might be fun to bring back that vibe and share some writing meta. Maybe some other fic writers or aspiring writers will find it helpful :)

My current WIP is a Lucifer story called “Can We Keep Her”, and it’s a full sci-fi/fantasy novel length fic. Like it’ll be 190k words long when all is said and done, easy. (And there’s still two sequels planned oops.) It’s my longest fic to date BY FAR, and I am utilizing every skill I’ve ever learned and still learning five more with every chapter. One of the biggest techniques I’ve been utilizing is using multiple drafts to take the story from concept to final draft. Now, I am not following the common writing advice that says to write the entire story first before editing. Maybe if I wasn’t writing fanfic that could work? Or maybe if this wasn’t my first story over 100k words? But right now, that common writing advice is firmly not for me. Instead, I’ve settled into a pattern of drafting several chapters (anywhere from 2-4 with several more outlined in detail) and then going back and editing them into a state that I’m happy with. Then, when they're edited to at least "readable", I go back to drafting. This pattern is working for me and, as a result, means I’ve gone through the outline -> first draft -> second draft -> final draft stages many times over the last few months. Which is why I figured it was a good place to start with fanfic meta :)

Some caveats on my writing system for this fic before I begin:

I did have a broad strokes outline (the major plot points) completed before I started the first draft, and certainly I had those before I started posting any chapters on AO3.

I might be an underwriter when drafting, but I’m an overthinker when outlining and editing so I don’t really struggle with plot holes. It’s more likely I’ll be able to fill in a plot hole later because of some detail I had already slipped into the story.

“Can We Keep Her” is by far my longest fic, but it isn’t my only novel-length fic or my only plot-heavy fic. I gained a decent understanding of what works for me when it comes to multi-chapter fics from my previous attempts.

All that is to say: your mileage may vary on editing chapters as you go vs writing an entire draft start to finish before editing. But the information I’m covering here should apply no matter when you prefer to edit.

It just so happened that Chapter 10 in “Can We Keep Her” provided a prime example of first draft vs final draft. I had a to rewrite the final scene in an entirely new POV, and as a result I still had the original first draft preserved in a separate document. (Typically, my first drafts get absorbed into final drafts through editing or else they get straight up deleted after I rewrite.) So I’m going to provide the first draft of the scene in this post below the cut, and then I’ll share the final version in a separate post (linked here and at the bottom of the post). Separate posts isn’t ideal, but Tumblr formatting doesn’t allow for better options. This way, though, you can open the posts in separate tabs (on desktop at least) if you prefer to view them that way.

At the end of each version, I’ll share my thoughts about them and cover things like why I chose the original POV, why I changed it, what my goals were for the scene, how the second version supports those goals better, and where I still think it could improve but ultimately ran out of time before it needed to be posted. I hope you find these thoughts helpful or at least interesting!

Original closing scene for Chapter 10 behind the cut:

Chloe was late for lunch. After waiting hours, watching time drag on, a family member of Joey Pillegi agreed at the last minute to speak with them over his lunch break. Chloe wore every professional mask in her arsenal to hide her impatience. Dan knew her too well to be fooled, but she didn’t think the grieving brother noticed. Unfortunately, the interview didn’t lead to another clue. The brother didn’t even know where Joey had been living the last six months, let alone that he’d joined a mob.

At least, Lucifer had finally texted after his therapy session had ended. ‘Apparently pink was the missing feature of the infant’s car seat’ wasn’t the most descriptive message, but it offered a few insights. Lucifer had bought a new car seat for Rory, and Rory liked it. Now hopefully, the rest of their morning had gone as well.

The penthouse elevator opened to the sounds of Rory’s happy chatter against the backdrop of the television. Lucifer spotted her immediately, but Rory remained out of sight, presumably tucked inside the largest blanket fort Chloe had ever seen.

“You two have been busy this morning,” she said.

“Hm? Oh, yes the fort.” Lucifer frowned. “The infant has this frustrating tendency to scoot herself underneath the couch. She’s bound to get herself stuck if she keeps that up!”

“So you made a blanket fort instead?” Chloe’s mouth quirked up into a smile. He’d done this before: complain about something and then do something incredibly thoughtful and sweet under the guise of removing an annoyance. She shouldn’t be surprised at this point, and yet it still managed to impress her every time.

Rory finally noticed her arrival and came crawling out of the blanket fort. “Mommy!” She sprinted over and Chloe dropped to her knees to catch her in a hug.

“Hi, baby!” Chloe grinned. Relief crashed over her as she got to hold Rory in her arms again. The morning had lasted way too long, and she was so glad she could check on Rory again. “Did you have fun with Daddy?”

“Lucifer,” said Devil corrected her. “Get her to use my name.”

“Right, sorry.” Though, internally, Chloe rolled her eyes over his continued denial.

Rory bounced excitedly on her toes. “I saw Aunt Linda!”

“I know you did. Were you good while you were visiting Linda?” Chloe stood up and asked Lucifer, “Did she give you any problems?”

“Yes,” Lucifer said. “She accused me of not listening.”

Given the context of therapy, Chloe wasn’t entirely sure who he meant. “Who did, Linda?”

“No, the infant!”

Chloe bit back a smile.

“She also accused me of arguing with her which I wasn’t doing,” Lucifer gave Rory a pointed glare, “until she said I wasn’t listening.”

Chloe leaned down to talk to Rory. “Was Lucifer not listening to you?”

Rory gave her a conspiratorial smile. “No, he didn’t listen at all.”

“At all?” Chloe gasped. When Rory giggled, she grinned.

Lucifer was far less amused. “Okay if the little demons-in-training are going to team-up together then you’re not allowed to gang up on me too.”

“I’m not making promises,” Chloe said, crossing her arms. She smirked at Lucifer’s annoyance.

“Mommy, Mommy!” Rory tugged on her jacket.

“What is it?”

“All of Charlie’s toys were gone!”

“They were? Oh, no!” Chloe had no idea what toys Rory was talking about. They might be toys back at her mother’s house or at a friend’s house or even a daycare her mother had taken her too. But playing along with the girl might get her more answers than asking direct questions.

“Yeah, they were all gone because Charlie’s mad at me.”

“You think someone’s mad at you?” Chloe asked.

Rory nodded. “Charlie is.”

“Why would Charlie be mad at you?”

“Because I flew without him.” Rory pouted either in a mimicry of how she imagined this Charlie must feel or because she didn’t like the idea of someone being mad at her.

“I see,” Chloe said, though Rory’s responses had only generated more questions. “Well, maybe we should just keep our feet on the ground and not fly for awhile. What do you think?”

“Maybe,” Rory said, stretching out the word in a very unconvincing agreement. Chloe hoped Lucifer was right and that Rory couldn’t truly fly with her wings. She seemed to grasp hiding her wings when they were in public, but if she could fly, Chloe feared the temptation would be too much for the little girl to resist.

She turned to Lucifer and in a quieter voice asked, “Who’s Charlie?”

He threw up his hands. “I have absolutely no idea. I thought she was trying to say Charlotte at first, but either that’s wrong or the girl has a poor grasp on gendered pronouns.”

“No, she seems to have pronouns down,” Chloe said, remembering Rory’s firm correction that Roger Bear used ‘she’.

“My only other guess would be an imaginary friend,” Lucifer said. “Apparently young children can have those.”

“Yeah, an imaginary friend is possible… or,” Chloe braced herself as she suggested, “it’s someone she knows back home with her mother.”

Predictably, Lucifer’s face twisted in disagreement.

“You think she was still made by your parents,” Chloe said.

“It’d have to be my father if she was,” Lucifer said. “Mum doesn’t have a way back to our universe. But I still don’t know why my father would try making a baby angel.”

Or why that angel would think you were her father and not her brother, Chloe thought as Lucifer walked off towards the bar. She could almost understand why he was having such a hard time accepting the obvious. If an angel child being born was so impossible (and for Rory to be Lucifer’s only child over the course of humanity’s entire history, it certainly seemed like angel children were pretty damn impossible), then why couldn’t something equally preposterous like God creating a toddler angel on his own be a valid explanation for Rory���s existence? The problem was, they weren’t trying to determine which explanation was more or less likely to have happened. They were looking for the explanation that best fit the evidence, impossible or not.

Rory desperately wanted to give her a tour of the blanket fort. Chloe assured the girl, she could show it off soon and they could even eat lunch under it, but first Chloe needed to talk to Lucifer. After pulling a pinky promise out of her, Rory toddled off to continue her Fringe episode, and Chloe walked over to join Lucifer at the bar.

A large stack of paper rested on the countertop, but Lucifer leaned on his elbows beside it, staring off into nothing.

“Celestial craziness or not,” Chloe began, “maybe you should start looking at this like one of our cases. Keep your mind open to all of the possibilities and follow the leads until you can rule something out.”

“Not everything is possible,” Lucifer said.

Chloe replied, “In Rory’s case, it sounds like none of it is possible. But she’s here, so there has to be some explanation for her.”

Lucifer sighed. “I know.” He turned his gaze down towards the stack of papers, but he didn’t touch them.

“What is that?”

“Just some names I need to look into.”

That was purposefully vague. Chloe reached across him and pulled the stack towards her to read.

“They’re just some names, Detective,” Lucifer repeated.

He sounded concerned, but he didn’t stop her from taking the papers or try to pull them back. Chloe really hoped he hadn’t backtracked to hunting down the mysterious Sinnerman he was so obsessed with. He had a daughter to worry about now.

The stack was indeed a list of names printed out on computer paper, but each name had a date recorded beside it.

“What are the dates for?” she asked.

“It’s when I last saw them,” Lucifer explained. “It’s probably a fruitless endeavor.”

All of the dates were from 2014. Three years ago and some change. Now, Chloe understood what this list was.

“You’re looking for Rory’s mother.”

Lucifer pulled away the stack of papers. “Like I said, it’s probably a waste of time. She might not even have a mother.”

The denial wasn’t as strong as he wanted it to be. He did realize Rory being his daughter was the only explanation that fit. He just wasn’t ready to accept it yet.

“It’s a pretty big list,” Chloe said.

“My printer can’t print on both sides,” Lucifer replied.

Chloe wasn’t commenting on the length of the list specifically. She remembered all too well just how many people he managed to sleep with in [a week? Two weeks?]. Multiply that out to an entire year since they didn’t know Rory’s birthday, and Chloe almost expected the list to be longer. Then again, not all of his sexual partners could’ve given birth, so that would’ve narrowed down the list.

“Give me half.”

“What?”

“That’s a long list to go through on your own,” Chloe said. “I can help, so give me half.”

Lucifer shook his head. “You have a murder to solve. At least one of us should get to investigate something fun.”

“That murder investigation is stalled until we can either analyze those hairs we found or someone comes forward with information. There’s nothing ‘fun’ to do on the case right now.” Chloe held out her hand for the list. “I bet I can get through my half first.”

“Really?” Lucifer said. “You think turning this into a competition will get me to hand the list over?”

Chloe shrugged. “I mean, it’s not really a competition when I have every California and federal database to work from and you’re just crawling through social media.”

“I am very adept at finding information on social media,” Lucifer argued.

Chloe smirked, already knowing she’d won. She leaned in again to split the stack of papers up. “Here, I will take the bottom half so you can continue where you left off in the beginning of the list.”

“You don’t know that I’ve already started investigating,” Lucifer said, but it was nothing more than his game night protests as he searched for a loophole in the rules that allowed him to not actually lose. He was an extremely sore loser.

“Uh oh!” Rory left her castle-sized blanket fort to run over. “Fringe stopped, Daddy. Look.” She pointed back to the TV where the current episode had ended and the question of whether they wanted to continue watching had interrupted the end credits.

“That’s because the episode’s over,” Lucifer said.

“Fix it.”

Chloe answered, “Hey monkey, how about we get lunch first? Are you hungry?”

“I want more Fringe,” Rory said, glancing back to the paused TV.

“We can watch more Fringe, but let’s get food first, okay?”

It took a little more coaxing and challenging her to a race to the kitchen before Rory pulled her attention away from the television. But then she grinned and ran off down the hallway with Chloe while Lucifer yelled after them about falling. His list of names hovered in the back of Chloe’s mind all through lunch. She didn’t know which of them would ultimately find Rory’s mother, but if she found them first, that mother was getting such an ass chewing for giving the girl up. Chloe didn’t understand how anyone could look at Rory and decide she wasn’t worth fighting for. She’d been away from the girl for just a few hours and had still missed her desperately. How could Rory’s mother not be frantic after days apart? It was infuriating.

---------------

My Thoughts:

Yes, I do use the square brackets for notes to myself. :P I told y'all this was the first draft version!

So I went with Chloe’s POV originally for several reasons. First, I just kind of default to her POV? I tend to default to women characters in general in my fandoms (maybe because I’m a woman, maybe because I’m queer, maybe both). But also Chloe’s POV is a little more clear-headed and therefore easier to show the reader what’s going on. I do step out of her POV when she becomes super emotional like in Chapter 3 when she learned Lucifer is the Devil. (If a character is too emotional, it can be hard to portray their POV so I like to swing outside of them in those scenes.) But if Chloe’s present in a scene, she tends to be my default POV.

But there’s also a downside with being more clear-headed and not as emotionally invested in the plot (yet): sometimes it means you have less interesting things to say. Which is exactly the problem here. Chloe has nothing real to add in this scene.

Well, she has exactly one thing to add and that thing is the other reason I chose her POV initially: she missed Rory while she was at work and I desperately wanted to show her relief at getting to see her again. I’m more than a little obsessed with all the parental feelings in this story, and Chloe definitely has the stronger parental feelings in this moment since Lucifer is still in conflict over Rory being his daughter.

Except Lucifer’s conflict is exactly what we need to see at this point.

In addition to showing Chloe had missed Rory as if she was the girl’s mother (the dramatic irony, of course, being that she is the girl’s mother), I also wanted this scene to end with the decision to search for Rory’s birth mother. Which it does! Technically. But it doesn’t do it very well, and I always knew I’d have to smooth that out during editing. And while it wasn’t the primary focus here, I always want more Rory cuteness (the family domestics is kind of the whole point of this fic) and I wanted some glimpses into how Lucifer and Rory’s morning alone together went. This version of the scene covers both of those things, but again, not very well. And if I want to show how Lucifer and Rory’s morning went, then why wouldn’t I use Lucifer’s POV to show that more directly?

I realized pretty quickly when I went to edit this scene, that I should switch POVs. So go check out my second post over here to see what changed when I used Lucifer’s POV. Or if you’ve already read it because you’re reading “Can We Keep Her”, then just scroll down to the bottom and check out my thoughts on the changes.

[ilynpilled]

another thing with spoiler talk is that it is often exclusive to just these #shocking big deaths for some reason. and i dont even think those things are the most “harmful” spoilers. the thing w asoiaf for example is how significant the utilization of pov structure is. like the whole series is built on key moments of recontextualization. we are deliberately given just a small chunk of information from the lens of a specific pov or side and the way a lot of the themes are conveyed is the challenging of that. like there is so much meaning in structuring so i am so glad people are way more focused on “googoo gaga this mc dies” kind of spoilers and a lot of the key directions the series chose to take and how remain relatively unspoiled because no one is really oversaturating those moments. like i love not getting certain key info revealed until it should be as it would completely recontextualize scenes and characters etc. i love having preconceived notions and those being challenged. because that was very much george’s intention and it is sometimes a key part of his characterization or framing or whatever

[psalmsofpsychosis]

Some Batman: Telltale thoughts

[this is a Batman Telltale critical post, ye be warned.]

So. There are perhaps no words in the english language to describe with how stupid i feel right now.

I started Telltale Batman because i thought that it's one of the more distinct unconventional Batman narratives that would let you have a more interesting, complex and nuanced relationship between Bruce and Joker— the game even lets you bring all of Bruce's sincere hypocrisy and sentimental selfishness to the surface and have him admit that yes, he can fight the rogues gallery because it takes a madman to know a madman; to love a madman. For a moment i geniunely thought that i can escape the everpresent shadow of DC hays code in the freakshow funhouse that is Batman comics, i thought Telltale had done something different.

But telltale's approach to The Enemy Within is so flaky and flimsy and timid at best— such noncommittal twist on themes of pain and grief. They take on a hefty plotline, "what does it take to actually fight through evil and be surrounded by it? How long does it take before your resolve and your selfhood cracks? When you lose the mask, which one did you truly lose— The ideal persona, the superhero, the crusader, or the person underneath, the casket that holds all your humanity and your heart and your hopes? How long can you stare onto the abyss before it stares onto you?" It's indeed a very Nietzsche approach to Batman— except that a good Nietzsche narrative takes a lot of intentional plot points and honesty of thought and of heart. And Telltale doesn't commit, not to Bruce's characterization, and not to any other character, and definitely not to Joker's journey in any variation of it. The existence of the Vigilante route is useless on every front; Joker is going to turn into a villain anyway, just with a different hello kitty eyeshadow palette and an extra bland consolation lollipop. No good choice Bruce makes on Joker's behalf affects anything whatsoever, and i particularly love the "community and friendship and sympathy do not help the mentally ill and all that ever works is punishment and shock therapy and confinement and loneliness" message the vigillante route puts on the table, charming charming status quo commandments from DC as always.

Telltale Batman could only be revolutionary if it had dared to break comic convention and let the vigillante route play out like Selina and Bruce's relationship always does; very grey morality, irrational, full of tension and trust, unstable, intriguing, inexcusable, irreversible, unavoidable and heartfelt, human. But we can't have nice things in batmanverse, so both Joker routes run on stuck gears and topple and fall into a predictable narrative hole that neither Bruce nor Joker can claim out of.

And on the predictable front? this story is too lukewarm to be a good time for me personally. When you get 84 Batman comics per minute every other Tuesday, all ending the same way no matter whatever the fickity happens inbetween, you have to pull no punches. This is my 53368532th Batman-with-tragic-batjokes-implications read of the week, say something new or forever hold your blue-balling silence, i dont care.

[phoenixcatch7]

I am clinging to the edge of the fnaf fandom by the tips of my nails and it's dragging me in slowly but surely like... Well like an animatronic that wants your corpse. Anyway have a belle security breach au idea.

The virtual reality of U is top of the line vr tech, with millions if not billions of users, each with a unique personally generated avatar. It hosts hundreds of worlds and global events, able to create spectacles impossible in real life.

Naturally, fazbear entertainment would have a huge presence on there, it being so much easier to create, maintain and animate false bodies in the virtual world. They create a mega pizza plex, dressed to the nines in neon and strobes and holograms, and without having to worry about the dangers of npcs turning evil they fill it up with new characters and robotic staff to serve. Even with the many... issues they face with their real world locations, the fazbear name skyrockets, bringing in fame and fortune... And obsessive followers.

One of which is a young woman called Vanessa, who lingers around the pizzaria a little too long for her own safety.

And, years later, a young homeless boy with dreams of performing and government given U earpieces for online education. Or maybe he just stole them.

There's a cool mechanic where visitors can win a ticket to go in freddys body for a time! No one's too sure whether it's an actual avatar with an actual paid performer or just a really good script, but either way glamrock freddy is cool with it. No one really wants to ask his physical counterpart to do the same though, those rumors are NASTY.

Gregory is one of the lucky few, but his scheduled time is when it's getting dark. He steals some pizza out the back of some restaurant for dinner, and enters the virtual world. It's great! It's even better than he imagined! He gets to meet his idol!

But human bodies don't follow into the virtual world.

And the fazbear pizzeria has some worrying rumours.

He's curled up in freddys avatar when something clamps around his neck and

Well.

[evilminji]

Ooooh~ Drink mix up? >.>

Because! Wes DID, in fact, get that dream job. HAS learned... after many, many hours of "beat about the head and shoulders with an ethics pamphlet by his great aunt", to keep his mouth shut! Family curse of Sight? WHAT family curse?

He doesn't see shit! Mind your business.

What're you? A cop?

Look, he sent Fenton a gift basket. He was a shitty, shitty "I have to be RIGHT and nothing else matters!" Stubborn lil asshole of a kid. He got better. Grew up. No one is there best Self during puberty. He DOES, in fact, regret it.

Which is WHY, he is deliberately ignoring Kent's terrible, awful, paper-thin, "who meee~?" Aw shucks BULLSHIT excuse of a disguise, like it isn't blatantly obvious he's Superman. Yep. Nothing to see here! Nothing but us chickens! Mmmmm, morning coffee! Delicious.

But see, here's the THING.

The Itty, bitty, teeny lil PROBLEM...

Wes grew up in Amity "Totally Not Supernatural Hotspot For Centuries" Park. He is... to put it mildly, genetically? A freak. His biology is ALL fucked up. Everyone's is. And it WAS NOT made better by the Fenton's playing fast and loose with their hell basement. The Ectoplasmic NUKE that was that portal.

There is a REASON his morning coffee? Is COVERED. Contained. Fenton brand, LEAD LINED, specialty cups. The sort that can't be EATEN from the inside out. Eroded after a few uses. They're ugly as sin, but they work. He even ordered a few covers from Star's etsy shop. (Apparently he wasn't the only one who hated how ugly they looked. Good for her though, he heard it was doing well.)

He SAYS this? 'Cause his morning brew is less... straight COFFEE... and more... how to put this? A blend? Brew? Potion, really. Like an energy drink. From hell. Or, partially at least, the Zone. It's the combination of roots, seeds, and a few dried berries. Kinda like a tea, actually!

Tasty. Adds this nice fruity, warmth. A zing. Goes GREAT with the coffee. And it really perks you up... if you are Limnal. If you AREN'T? It'll desolve your esophagus like swallowing straight acid. And that's not TOUCHING the... witch-y, more Seer specific bit of the blend.

That stuff is medicinal. You know, "calm the mind" and "mental clarity". That sorta thing. With a good ol helping of "don't blurt out everyone's secrets, you spacey bitch! For the love of God, those are our INSIDE THOUGHTS!". Which? Really helpful! Infinitely less likely to get decked. It's a family staple.

Poisonous, though.

They're fine cause they've basically developed an immunity to that part, but like? Wouldn't recommend. It's why he NEVER shares his drinks. Food? On occasion. If he PLANS it and knows not to add and interesting spices. But DRINKS? Never. Weston family brews are basically NEVER safe.

Which? Begs the Very Important Question ™!

Who's Coffee Is This?

Cause it SURE AS FUCK AINT HIS!

You never realize quite how fast you can go from "completely calm and kinda sleepy" to "bomb strapped to my chest, primal panic AWAKE" until it happens to you. His coffee was ON HIS DESK. People have passed by. He talked to them. Cups put down and picked up. Lazy early morning. He doesn't even register, really, as his chair crashes to the ground.

He's shouting.

People confused. They don't realize yet. His head whips around, looking for that distinct cover. Before it's too late. Before someone takes that fatal sip. He spots it. Bolting from his desk. Crashing through coworkers, over desks. Chaos and outrage. "It's 'just' coffee!" They cry.

Kent turns, confused. Pretending. Raises his (HIS! Oh god!) cup to his lips, unknowing. Wes SCREAMS a warning. But he doesn't listen. "It's 'just' coffee" They never listen. Curse of Cassandra. God's damn it. This is why his family fucking CONVERTED!

He TACKLES the man of steel.

RIPS his cup away from him, knows his eyes are frantic. How much have you had?! Spit it out! Wes voice ECHOES in the sudden silence. I'm a META, Kent! It could KILL YOU!

And oh, Oh NOW they get it. Or perhaps it is the burn in his mouth that finally registers. He rolls, spits oil slick nebulae that eat away the floor. There is blood mixed within it. It took mere moments. Superman stares, transfixed and horrified, as Wes shakes. He... he should probably get off of him.

He'll move in a moment.

When his legs no longer feel weak from terror.

The news room is in chaos. Lane kneeling by her husband, Perry trying to do damage control. He... he's probably gonna lose his job, isn't he? Wes wants to cry. Protection laws only go so far, after all. And warning his boss about his dietary needs means jack shit, after an incident like this. Beloved as Kent is. Not that anyone likely believed him.

They never do.

And now he's nearly killed Superman.

@hypewinter @hdgnj @legitimatesatanspawn @nerdpoe @lolottes @babbling-babull @mutable-manifestation @dcxdpdabbles