#Captain Ander Ho

[yourfairygodmotherorsomething]

CHARACTER SHEET:

Captain Ander Ho of the Agricorps

face claim: Steven Yeun

(photo by Diana Markosian for GQ in 2021)

General Information

Full name: Captain Ander Ho

Nickname: doesn’t have one (Andy, maybe?)

Age: born 72 BBY (he’s Mace Windu’s age)

gender: male

Species: Human (or mostly, anyway)

Planet of Origin: I think Coruscant

City of Birth: Galactic City

Current place of living: his ship, as he is itinerant. Rn his ship is parked at Agricorps Base Camp, Bandomeer. He also spends a fair amount of time at a Service Corps research and supply space station in the outer-mid rim.

Religion: Jedi —though the Agricorps have some of their own beliefs that the Temple Jedi would think are heretical, so they just don’t tell them about it, lol

Mother tongue: Galactic Basic

Dialect: I suppose there is a fair amount of Agricorps specific jargon? otherwise it’s Temple Basic

Job title: Captain of the Jedi Agricorps (which is kind of like a Jedi Master level I guess?)

Relationships: he has a long term/long distance thing going on with a tall, strapping exploracorps guy whose name I seem to have misplaced rn lol (edit: his name is Lt Jan Isto). His face claim is zeeko zaki. they’re possibly aromantic? still deciding

Likes: plants and animals. haha. Good nourishing, simple food made from plants he’s grown. His ship? His slug thrower. His favourite jacket. His lover and his team.

Dislikes: people like Xanatos who destroy planets’ ecosystems for their own selfish gain, and like the hutts who intentionally make environments worse so that even the people who aren’t slaves have to rely on them for infrastructure etc. Slavery, obvs. the way the Temple Jedi treat the corps. Politicians incl the whole senate, who ignore the needs of the many and keep trying to kneecap the jedi corps. the trade federation. the sith who did a lot of damage that still lingers

Either way, he was good with fighting skills, quite a talented flier—esp good at finding his way to hard to get to planets; and he carries blasters and a slug thrower because the galaxy is a rough place, and people will often see Jedi corps as easy pickings for stealing equipment and supplies. In truth, they’re always underfunded and expected to make their supplies stretch; which is why they often have aquaponics set-ups on their ships…

Childhood: He was in Mace’s (also Qui-Gon and Tholme’s too? idk) age group, but not his clan. or maybe he’s Rael’s age? or Feemore’s? still figuring that out. He was one of the ones who aged out, and he chose Agricorps. which surprised a lot of people who would have assumed he’d want to a pilot. Maybe he was even invited to be a Padawan by someone, but he said no because he didn’t like their vibe…still working on the backstory tbh. Maybe he was thinking of leaving the Jedi but someone sat him down and was like…give the Agricorps a few years, get some training, get some skills before you go out into the galaxy alone?’ and he was like ‘that’s not the worst idea I’ve ever heard’ and then he found a place in the Agricorps he actually really liked. another option is maybe he started by going to Exploracorps and then caught sight of some cool Agricorps thing or saw a rewilded planet or something and was like ‘oh’

Teenage years: he was sent away to ‘farm school’, which is a Temple on a moon of a minor mid-rim planet. He was a difficult student on some levels, but found the techniques of the Agricorps to be fascinating, the idea of ecological reclamation very, very cool. He found a teacher who was good at teenage boy wrangling, who saw his interest and helped guide him towards practical teaching over lectures at the Agricorps school, specialising in heavy reclamation work, which he thrived in.

Adulthood: He had a long career of working at outposts such as Bandomeer, where the sociopolitical environment is pretty volatile and dangerous; necessitating any Service Corps workers to be able to handle themselves and protect the personnel and equipment. Many of these places were on the outer rim, and he has had to fight off slavers more than a few times; and has watched the way groups like the Trade Federation and Offworld have been fucking over whole planets for their own gain. Obviously he’s gonna have some opinions about that.

Role Involvement: He is a Captain, so he often is in charge of keeping track of personnel and equipment on an outpost as well as doing the actual reclamation work. People like ____ from the Jedi Apprentice novels are more like the chief Science officer of the project, and they tend to coordinate politically. Ander is more likely to make friends and contacts at the local cantina than the palaces, or whatever building the government meets in (he has incited a few union formations over the years, but that’s another story).

First time mentioned: We Carry the Temple in Our Bones. He has been arrested by Qui Gon Jinn, but a very young Obi-Wan Kenobi has decided he’s the coolest guy in the galaxy.

What is their role: dashing hero; wholesome mentor; he has a different POV than the Coruscant Jedi. not in a ‘the jedi council are wrong and stupid’ way, just in a ‘I am a Jedi that talks to the ground and plants and animals more than I do people’ way. He is Agricorps Obi-Wan Kenobi’s mentor; a cool guy, who a rejected and mid-first adventure thirteen year old Obi-Wan meets upon arriving at Bandomeer who is kind and completely different to everything he was expecting of a ‘farmer’. He’s the person who makes Obi-Wan think, ‘maybe I’m for Agricorps after all…and maybe that could be a good thing?’

For any Obi-Wan who doesn’t end up in Agricorps, Ander is someone Obi-Wan sees only occasionally (and even then it’s mostly over comms), but is always willing to listen and give advice; or when he’s older, some space weed lmao

Pets: hmmmm, he should have a pet. I’m gonna have to think about this one. maybe a verdactyl…?

Physical Characteristics: 1.75 m, golden complexion (esp with the amount of sun he gets), smile lines (also from sun exposure, as well as smiling); eyes that don’t miss a thing, cheekbones like cliff faces, and a smile that is cheeky, when he chooses to show it.

Eye color: brown

Hair color: black

Skin color: golden

Body type: wiry and strong. Uses a huge amount of energy doing physical work and also channeling the Force for hours on end; sometimes performing group rites, which outlay a lot of power, so he doesn’t have much fat on his bones at all. His muscles are the whippy type. Not beefy, but lean and strong, with a surprisingly hard punch that will come from nowhere, and incredible endurance.

Vices: he may or may not partake of a bit of space weed. He may or may not grow it on his ship.

Bad habits: being too friendly with animals that could rip out his jugular

Drink often: socially

Smoke often: recreationally smokes space weed

Good habits: grows his own food so he doesn’t have to rely on ration bars. makes friends with locals.

Clothing style: blue collar. The corps style of dress in my world building has been informed by the blue collar workers around the Coruscant Temple, which in my mind is very informed by Japanese workers. Lots of indigo fabric that is hard wearing, breathable and lasts a long time. Tabi style footwear. They don’t wear tabards, because they would get in the way, and generally not obis either. lots of layers if it’s cold.

Ander is a bit of a cowboy, so he wears an old worn to softness leather vest as one of his layers that was made for him many years ago out of the hide of a feral beast (maybe a rancor?) he had to take down. Somethings some rich fuck was keeping and died so the starving beast broke out and started to bother some local farmers. He donated the animal to a nearby village (who the animal was attacking), but the craftsman skinned it and treated it so they could make him a jacket, as well as some holsters and belts.

Health issues: There might be some injuries that have happened, but the corps work together, so he routinely sees medicorps personel.

Tattoos: maybe…don’t know yet. maybe something cool on his back…still thinking about it.

Piercings: earrings maybe? defs wears his kyber crystal on a chain around his neck. maybe in a cortosis housing or something, or a fiber that is unique to the Agricorps that they treat and knot together as part of the ritual; maybe they get given it when they graduate from farm school or something? could be a sort of ceremony where they give up their desire to be a knight or something. Some Agicorps members still feel to keep their crystal in a saber, but others put it in their necklace, because they’re still bonded to the crystal, so they aren’t just going to get rid of it.

Talents: he’s good at cleansing soil, loosening hard ground, and finding and cleansing water. some of that is deeply esoteric jedi shit and others are hard science. He is also good at keeping a spiritual eye so to speak on how a pretty large area is doing as far as their work goes. Good pilot, brilliant navigator (which was why the council of first knowledge had expected him to ask for exploracorps). Also just a brilliant marksman. He was pretty good with a saber growing up, but has done far better with blasters and his slug thrower (which he won in a bet against a Mando one time lmao)

my drawing/character design: still working on that

thank you @yanderepuck for the use of your character template, it was very useful when I was drawing a complete blank lmao

[dragonagecompanions]

I remember seeing the DAI crew with an unarmed martial arts type Inquisitor, so I request this DA2 companion react to a mage Hawke going full Chuck Norris on a group of bandits after their Mana is depleted using their staff as a Bo staff like Donatello or just fists

Bandit leader, smirks: "oh ho you dare approach me?"

Hawke, Tosses staff over shoulder: "I CAN'T KICK YOUR ASS WITHOUT GETTING CLOSER!"

Varric: He's running book before Hawke takes the first swing, and is unsurprised and unphased when his friend returns victorious. Honestly, given how much shit he sees in Kirkwall, this is nothing.

Aveline: As soon as they get back to Kirkwall she is marching them right up to the keep and enlisting Hawke to train the new guard recruits. If she can get them to fight with even a fraction of that skill they will go through much less daggers.

Also, given all their other odd talents, this does not phase the guard captain. Fereldens are a scrappy bunch.

Carver: This is nothing. You should have seen Old Man Bowers at the last Lothering Harvest festival. Pretty sure his sibling actually broke the man's jaw with one finger.

This is nothing new, and yet somehow the damn shadow he has lived under has somehow gotten longer.

Bethany: It wasn't Old Man Bowers, it was the miller's father, and he had dared to pinch Leandra as she was walking by. Bethany had healed the man's jaw and skull to avoid issues with the guard, but Malcom would have been proud of his eldest's defense of their mother.

Also she just made five sovereigns off Isabela. A good day all around.

Isabela: Now that is impressive. Could make some serious trouble in Lowtown a lot easier if she could throw a punch like that. Might be a thought for later.

After she wins her coin back from Bethany in Wicked Grace. Should never have trusted that innocent smile.

Anders: Yes yes, you just punched a mans head off, good for you. Now get over here so I can fix those knuckles, Maker I am getting tired of you lot....

Wait, did you just punch a man to death!?

....Can you do that to Meredith?

Merrill: Oh that is impressive! She's not sure human necks are supposed to twist that far, and she didn't know you could kick a man into the air! Could you do that to a tree? Would it hurt the tree?

Oh, they aren't supposed to twist that far!

Fenris: Moving, breathing art. Even if they are not romanced he has never been so attracted to them until that moment. He will give Hawke as much of the good wine as he wants to learn that leg sweep rib break combination.

Maybe if he can get the timing right, he could lyrium kick someone in half? Worth consideration.

Mod Fereldone

[lorenzlund]

Geldwäsche ist Held(en)wäsche.

Der Held wäscht sich rein. Er erzählt anderen lediglich ‘Geschichten’. Auch der Sportheld und große Prominente. Und er tut das so dann so versuchsweise selbst erneut vor auch dem Richter.

Der eigentliche Tatvorwurf ganz oft ist er auch hier wieder ein gänzlich anderer auch. Sogar an mich richteten sich ähnliche Vorwürfe schon in der Vergangenheit.

Der Ordnungshüter (heutige ... vom Amt) : Ortung + Hut er! Hut ab!!

“Das sind unsere Freunde!!” (der Lokalbesitzer beruhigend zu mir nach dem plötzlichen zeitgleichen Auftauchen von drei von ihnen im Bezirk Alt Tempelhof, neben auch mir, er brachte ihnen dann freie heiße Getränke an den Tresen, sie durften sie mitnehmen)

“Und bleiben sie wenn sie dieses Haus nunmehr wieder noch genauso gleich auch verlassen und nach Hause zu ihren Angehörigen u. den angestammten Familien als Männer gehen werden, allesamt weiter wohlbehütet”. *am Schluss von Sonntagspredigten. ‘The Captain of my Heart”. (ein erneuter Begriff sogar aus dem englischen Pop). ‘Don’t stand so close to me ...’, Klose. Der professionelle Fussballabwehrspieler. Fussabwehr. Das Cappy oder die im Sport getragene Mütze. Oft ist auch sie knall-rot. Der Republikaner in den USA im Wahlkampf. (Madame) Tuss’ outs. Truss (England). Russland. New Pork. Poskau. ‘Hansi Flick *Guido (’Noch so) Einer von Euch!’ ... das ist immer auch ein Duell des neuen mit dem alten vielleicht auch schon bisherigen deutschen Hunde(s)trainer’. (Stern oder Spiegel)

‘Guardiola sieht einzig das Spiel. Alles andere blendet er aus. Das will Mourinho ändern. Mourinho sorgt für Unruhe”. *Mezut Özil in: Magie des (Fussball)spiels. Fraglich, ob selbst dieses Zitat aber wirklich so wieder auch von ihm stammt. Mo-ur-in-ho, ‘... Coco Hearts’ (Elton John, sang live schon auch: Goodbye Rose of England, noch während des stattfindenden Begräbnisses von selbst auch Diana)

[rijksmuseum-art]

Officers and other Marksmen of the III District in Amsterdam Led by Captain Jacob Gerritsz Hoyngh and Lieutenant Nanningh Florisz Cloeck (The Company of Captain Jacob Gz. Hoing and of Lieutenant Nanning Florisz. Cloeck in 1616), 1616, Museum of the Netherlands

Schuttersstuk van de Kloveniersdoelen met het korporaalschap van kapitein Jacob Gerritsz Hoyngh en luitenant Nanningh Florisz Cloeck. Veertien figuren in twee rijen, de bovenste achter een balustrade. Beneden in het midden de vaandrig, andere schutters met hellebaarden.

http://hdl.handle.net/10934/RM0001.COLLECT.10909

[hometoursandotherstuff]

Malin and Anders were living in a newly built home for 2 yrs., when they saw this turn-of-the-century villa, that had been built for a sea captain, for sale. It needed a new roof and was in poor condition. But, they fell in love with it.

It has a gracefully curving staircase in the entrance.

From the great hall double doors lead to the living/dining room.

Their large dining table was previously a conference table.

Check this out- doors open to an indoor pool, from the dining room.

The kitchen underwent a total remodel. 

The white shelf holding glassware is a flea market find.

Malin bought the blanket w/big pompoms in India. The house has only one bath, that the family shares until they can convert a pantry into another one.

The delightful glass-enclosed veranda is their favorite room. The dishes are odd flea market porcelain.

https://www.hemtrevligt.se/husohem/artiklar/hem/20200828/harmoniska-stilkrockar-hemma-hos-formgivaren-kika-in/

[lemonflavouredspatula]

Tag Game

rules: answer 20 questions, then tag 20 others.

tagged by @bananase221 (about 75 years ago, sorry and thank you love)

NAME:

Lucy

NICKNAME(S):

Luce, Loopy, Lucifer, Satan (my name means the same as Lucifer, there is method to the madness lmao)

ZODIAC:

Capricorn

HEIGHT:

5’9″ (i think???)

LANGUAGES SPOKEN:

I only speak English fluently but i know very tiny bits of Italian, Spanish and Norwegian (mostly because of my unhealthy love of eurovision and elite/skam) 

NATIONALITY:

British

FAVOURITE SEASON:

Autumn

FAVOURITE FLOWER:

hmmm idk i guess i like sunflowers but tbh i like a daisy too (yes i know it’s technically a weed) but i just appreciate nature, i don’t really have a favourite flower oops

FAVOURITE SCENT:

The smell when it’s rained is probably by far my favourite, but freshly cut grass and the smell when you blow out a candle are up there, and i love a vanilla candle and also pumpkins, the smell when you’re carving pumpkins and then when there’s a tea light inside, heavenly (i now realise fire connects quite a few of these things and i would like to take this moment to publicly announce that i am not, in fact, an arsonist)

FAVOURITE COLOUR:

Black (just brings me comfort what can i say)

FAVOURITE ANIMAL:

Dogs but also dolphins and sloths

FAVOURITE FICTIONAL CHARACTER(S):

oh boy here we go - 

Steve Harrington, Billy Hargrove, Jim Hopper, Joyce Byers, Mr Clark (Stranger Things)

Gabriel Varma, Lydia Fonseca (The Good Karma Hospital) (ok no just every single character in this beautiful show, i can’t choose)

Merlin, Arthur Pendragon, Gwaine (Merlin)

Lucifer, Maze, Trixie (Lucifer)

Jake Peralta, Captain Holt, Rosa Diaz (B99)

Omar, Ander, Nadia, Guzmán (Elite)

basically just went for my favourite characters in my favourite shows lmao and tbh i’m probably forgetting loads but hey ho

COFFEE, TEA OR HOT CHOCOLATE:

Hot Chocolate

AVERAGE SLEEP HOURS:

oh god my sleep pattern is awful, i mean out of lockdown i start work at 7am and barely go to sleep before 1am so that says a lot lmao, but at the minute i’ve blown any kind of pattern out of the water, i mean last night i was up till gone 5am and then woke up at like 10:30 lmao, i can do 8 hours or 4, there is literally no in between 

DOG OR CAT PERSON:

Dogs all the way

NUMBER OF BLANKETS YOU SLEEP WITH:

In winter i have two as well as a duvet, in the hellish summer months i just spend the whole night dying and failing to sleep so none

DREAM TRIP:

honestly i want to see everywhere, i have a real urge to just see all of the hidden gems of the world, but if anything i really want to travel around Scandinavia and Italy

BLOG ESTABLISHED:

been here since august of 2013 i believe and no i can’t believe i’ve stuck with this hellsite for so long either

FOLLOWERS:

448 (when the fuck did that happen holy shit)

RANDOM FACT:

I’m part metal, literally :)) (no seriously, i have metal plates in my knees because i had very wonky legs lmao)

Tagged @harringtons-bf @memes-saved-me @wndasmaximoffs @harringrovetrashh @pieceofcrumbcake @coffeedumpling (i know it’s not 20, fight me) and literally anyone else who wants to do it, i tag you all (but feel free to ignore too lmao)

[islesblogger]

2019 Islander Inventory

On Friday May 3rd 2019 the Islanders’ season officially ended. The Islanders need to work on putting the team back together. This is how I see it happening

2018-19

I’ve assembled a roster whiteboard to better understand the roster construction of the Islanders. This will break down the team by its 23 roster spots and their on-ice roles. This is what the 2018-19 Islanders looked like under that prism.

John Palmieri | Islesblogger

YELLOW indicates pending UFA, GREEN indicates pending RFA and RED indicates possibly 2019-20 IR candidate.

The team had over $10M to use all season for trades or free agent signings. They were unable to find suitable upgrades without giving up significant assets and ended the season with that money unused. That will probably not be an option in 2019-20.

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Free Agency

Unrestricted Free Agents

The Islanders are currently in what could be a mass exodus year. They have seven UFA’s that spent the majority of the season on the 23 man roster (highlighted in YELLOW above) and Tanner Fritz, who was an important piece, even though he only played eight NHL games with the teams before falling to injury.

Entering UFA status this year are:

Anders Lee : The Islanders’ captain and only 40 goal scorer will be a highly sought after LW. I fully expect him to be Lou’s number one priority. The team is stacked with LH forwards, but Lee’s work on and off the ice has made him a fan favorite and the pinnacle of team leadership.

Brock Nelson: Entering the 2018-19 season there were a lot of questions about where Brock would be with his new responsibilities under a new regime. Nelson answered all of the questions positively and proved to be the teams most valuable center. He played big minutes in all situations was in a virtual tie with Mathew Barzal for the lead in TOI amongst forwards. Brock is also among a select few “top 6” centers that will be available on July 1st. I expect him to be an Islander next year, but I also expect him to use that leverage to it’s fullest.

Robin Lehner: Robin signed a one year deal last year at bargain basement rates. He was coming off a season of turmoil with the Buffalo Sabres and had more question marks in his resume than Frank Gorshin. Much like Nelson he answered all of those questions positively. He and Thomas Greiss will share the Jennings Trophy for the least goals allowed by a team, and is a finalist for the Vezina Trophy. He is the third UFA that I expect back in 2019-20. His leverage has gone up, but he would probably benefit from a shorter deal as one year with a highly defensive system and under the best of coaching teams is just a step in rebuilding his reputation amongst NHL GMs. I expect a 2-3 year deal in the neighborhood of $5M AAV.

Jordan Eberle: This may be a bit of a surprise to some. I started the season expecting Eberle to be gone at the trade deadline. The team’s success kept him in blue and orange this year, and he second half success will probably keep him on the island a bit longer. I wrote on this a while back. Looking at the right handed forward options available, Jordan will have good leverage going into July. The Islanders would do well to sign him for 5 years in the neighborhood of $7M AAV.

Tanner Fritz: Yes, I am listing Tanner ahead of Val Filppula and Tom Kuhnhackl. Fritz checks two very important boxes for the Islanders. He can play center and he’s a right handed forward. He will also come in about $2M AAV less than Filppula. He showed at the end of the season that he can handle decent minutes, kill penalties and will dd speed to a roster that desperately needs it. Tanner will make the 23 more flexible.

Tom Kuhnhackl: I do not expect Tom back. He had a very good season, and an even better playoff run as the Isles’ 13th forward. They are flush at LW, and with the emergence of Michael Dal Colle as a restricted free agent he would just be an expensive waiver wire walker in a healthy year. They have a few left handed forward prospects behind him in Otto Koivula and Kieffer Bellows. Kuhnhackl has probably earned himself a $2M AAV contract somewhere, but most likely not on the Islanders.

Val Filppula: I’d really like to see Val back, but I just see too many scenarios where this is not going to happen. The Islanders could replace him with somebody like Kevin Hayes or (if Lou can find a phone booth with a cape in it) Matt Duchene. Both would truly stretch the Islanders CAP budget, and be miracle signings in a 31 team market. I expect the Islanders to re-sign Nelson, and elevate Cizikas. They’ll then have a few years to work with Fritz, Koivula and other prospects to elevate through the system. If Val returns I expect it to be a very short term deal. 1-2 years, and around the same $3M AAV.

Lucas Sbisa: Sbisa will cause me to have massive stroke should he be resigned. The emergence of Devon Toews made him expendable during the season and with the Islanders probably spending to within $5M of the salary cap it would be hard to imagine a 23 man roster with him on it.

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Restricted Free Agents

There are three key restricted free agents this year. They will all cause some thought when they are qualified. They will all be talked about as part of trade deals, but most likely they will all return to the Islanders organization, or at least their rights will.

Anthony Beauvillier: This is Beau’s first year of restricted free agency and with that comes very little leverage. He is a 20G forward and does have some value on the offer sheet table. I’d expect $2-2.5M AAV for 1-2 years so he can build his leverage, and work towards his arbitration deal. A longer deal is possible. If the Isles want to buy some of his arbitration and UFA years his AAV could go as high as $3.5-4M.

Michael Dal Colle: Much like Beau this is Michael’s first RFA year. Unlike Beau, Dal Colle has not built the same leverage. He had a good rookie year in the AHL, but regressed in his second. This year was outstanding. He dominated at the AHL level and did everything he was asked in the NHL. It’s a small sample size though and I expect he’ll sign a one year deal for somewhere between $1M and $1.5M AAV. He should have a lot more leverage next year.

Joshua Ho-Sang: I couldn’t possibly document the scope of, nevermind the actual opinions on where and what Josh could be in this organization. So I’ll just express my own. He is a highly talented hockey player who doesn’t want to color inside the lines. He is in an organization where coloring inside the lines was made the standard the day Lou Lamoriello was named President/General Manager. The team will probably qualify him at the minimum, and shop him on draft day. If he accepts their offer he’ll probably spend another unhappy year in Bridgeport, or be traded. If he doesn’t he might find himself much happier in Europe If the team is unable to sign or replace Eberle and Oliver Wahlstrom isn’t ready for his first call-up, we might see another NHL stint for Mr. Ho-Sang. Hopefully he can work things out. He would be a fine addition to the team if he could just accept being an addition to a team.

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Draft Day

It would be almost impossible to speculate accurately about the 2019-20 roster before the 2019 draft. Not that any draft pick would be on that roster, but that day is often a time for NHL GM’s to move surplus role players, prospects, salary and picks for needed role players, picks and prospects.

The Islanders have two general role surpluses. Left handed defensemen and left handed forwards. They have need at center, right handed forward and right handed defensemen. In that order.

I expect a number of players to be in play. There are some health concerns as well. I look at prospective draft day trades with the health of Andrew Ladd and Cal Clutterbuck in mind. Both could be issues next season. I’d also add Johnny Boychuk to that list, but I do expect him to at least start the season, and like the past few seasons, soldier through.

They should either target a wing with their available assets or target Brett Leason in the first round. Leason is a 6’5″ 200LB 20 year old right handed center who was passed over in the previous two drafts. He can immediately take his new found scoring touch to the AHL where he would join Otto Koivula as prospective pivots for the fourth line, or a replacement for Clutterbuck.

With that in mind I feel Nick Leddy is the most valuable, and expendable asset the Islanders possess. After that there is Beauvillier, Aho, DalColle, Bellows and Mitch Vande Sompel. I don’t expect them to trade any of the 2018 draft class. Those players have shown some success in the NHL or NHL readiness to where they should have some value in trade talks. Depending on which UFA’s have signed by draft day Lou will be wise to fill as many of the remaining holes with trade targets. Going into July 1st with a roster that looks like swiss cheese is not wise. Especially for the Islanders.

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2019-20

I suspect that every GM goes into each off season managing their team’s cap space for the following three years, or at least he tries. For the optimum result Lou will have to move three salaries. Leddy will most likely be shopped hard on draft day. Ladd and Clutterbuck are almost untradeable, but if they come back they’ll have some value. If they can’t they have to be put on LTIR so their cap space can be recaptured.

I’ll use the projected salaries I expect for returning UFAs as a basis for the below 23 man roster. Of course, there are a lot of variables. For one, I use a $7M/5yr deal for the three top returning UFA forwards, and $5M/3yr deal for Lehner. This would be the base going into July 1st:

John Palmieri | Islesblogger

If those deals are done before July 1st, then the team can go into the market with three spots to upgrade on and over $12M to spend. That money quickly disappears if any of the UFAs get outrageous deals, or if Lou is unable to manage the three contracts mentioned above. In my scenario, the Isles would be shopping for a 2/3 center, a 4th RHD and a RH forward.

There is still room to manage the return of two of the three contracts I’ve removed. Leddy’s $5.5M, Clutterbuck’s $3.5M and Ladd’s $5.5M. This plan would not work if all three were to return.

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UFA Options

Center

If Lou is unable to bring back Nelson his options for an “upgrade” are limited. Matt Duchene is the obvious choice, but he will most likely command over $10M AAV and that will be very difficult to manage as soon as next year when Mat Barzal, Ryan and Ryan Pulock will be looking for substantial raises.

Kevin Hayes could also be a target. I see him more as a lateral move from Nelson, or a substantial upgrade on the third center role. To go into the season with Barzal, Nelson, Hayes and Cizikas down the middle would be a fine accomplishment.

They could also target Nazem Kadri in trade talk on Draft Day.

Right Handed Forward

There isn’t much after Jordan Eberle on the free agent list. There is a slim chance they land Artemi Panarin or Mats Zuccarello. I would suggest the Islanders focus on solving this issue on Draft Day.

Right Handed Defenceman

There are some decent RHD on the UFA list this summer. I’d eliminate any player looking for more than 2 years. The Islanders don’t need a high priced, long term solution. One of their positives is that role is in a god place with the drafting of Dobson and Wilde last year.

What they need is somebody willing to share time with Scott Mayfield and Johnny Boychuk. They may have filled that role with Grant Hutton as a college free agent at the end of the 2018-19 season. They could also use Dobson or Wilde for 9 games without burning their first ELC year.

Dobson was probably ready for that last year, but the new coaching staff opted to sign Lucas Sbisa. The team has established their ability to handle Trotz’ system, so I see Dobson as a seventh defenceman early in the season. If he can handle the minutes he may earn a full time NHL role.

External UFAs

Here’s a list of the most prized UFA’s this summer. The order is my own based on Islander needs.

Matt Duchene: Matt would immediately displace Barzal or Nelson as the Islanders number one center. He’d also need to be paid as such, and would devalue Nelson. So this couldn’t truly happen if Nelson was re-signed. Being strong up the middle is something the Islanders should strive for every year, and Duchene would help that cause for quite some time. The main issue is salary. Giving Matt over $10M AAV would almost immediately make the Isles top heavy in terms of CAP space, as Mat Barzal will get paid next year.

Artemi Panarin: The bread man cometh, most likely to the Florida Panthers. If that can’t be worked out, then Lou has to take a swing here. In the scenario I lay out above there is room for all the returning UFA’s and Panarin. That would be the power ball in the 2019 NHL Summer Lottery. He will most likely demand over $10M AAV and extended term, and is one of the top three on this list because it’s somebody who they should try for, even if the cap future is sketchy.

Erik Karlsson: I didn’t put him in the RHD category because I didn’t think he would be a realistic fit. But if Lou could convince him to sign with the Islanders they could move other pieces and make it work. He’d have to deal with CAP hell later.

Kevin Hayes: Hayes is also a part of the 2010 draft class reaching their first year of UFA status. As a center in that class, much like Brock Nelson, Hayes will get paid. Unlike Duchene, I think Hayes and Nelson can co-exist on the same roster with Mat Barzal. I don’t, however, think that Kevin has Long Island as one of his preferred destinations. I hope I am wrong in this, but it will remain something to look for until he signs.

Mats Zuccarello: Zook was a Ranger favorite. He was moved in their fire sale and helped the Dallas Stars for a few minutes before sustaining a season ending injury. His play in the playoffs, plus his natural leadership qualities make him a good fit to stay in Dallas. If he becomes available in July I’m pretty sure Lou will fire a shot that way. He’d be a nice fit with the Islanders, especially if they lose Eberle to free agency and/or Clutterbuck to injury.

Jeff Skinner: Skinner would be a huge addition to the Islander roster. At the moment it appears he will stay in Buffalo. Skinner, like Anders Lee, has scored over 100 goals over the past three seasons. Two of those years were with the goal scorer oppressing Carolina Hurricanes. Skinner is going to get paid on July 1st regardless of where he lands. If he were to land on Long Island it would probably be for over $8M AAV with extended term. It’s something that could be done. I only see it if they miss with Lee and/or Eberle.

Jake Gardener: Gardener will be out there, and the Islanders should have ZERO interest in him unless they have traded away multiple left handed D with much more valuable contracts. Keep him in your sideview if some combination of Pelech, Hickey and/or Leddy are dealt on draft day.

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Summary

It appears that Lee and Nelson will be the first dominoes to fall. If they are, or are not, signed by the NHL Draft will determine their trade strategy and the targets in free agency. The Islanders have not done well historically on July 1st. Hopefully Lou is successful bringing back the bulk of his own UFAs. I would like him to start with $7M AAV and 5 years as a target for all three. If he hits or exceeds that target Islander fans should be very happy.

The Islanders have gone through two mass exodus July’s in recent history. In both 2007 and 2006 the following season was a disappointment after a playoff season. The Islanders can’t afford that step backwards while still dealing with arena issues.

Another thing to keep in mind is that Lou stepped in last June and made some very questionable personnel moves. He replaced John Tavares, Nikolai Kulemin, Calvin deHaan and Jaroslav Halak with Val Filppula, Leo Komarov, Lucas Sbisa and Robin Lehner. The addition of Barry Trotz and staff made those moves from an almost certain decline in standings points to 100 less goals against and 23 more standings points.

Lou has certainly changed the culture of the New York Islanders. What was not clear to Isles’ fans last summer should be crystal clear to them this year. Don’t necessarily root for the expected. Let Lou do his magic. He knows hockey, and he understands the type coach he needs to teach it, and the players he needs to execute it.

Islander fans have great confidence in Lou Lamoriello getting the job done. This off season will define his Islander legacy as he has so many spots to fill this summer. It will not be easy, but he does have an opportunity to move the team forward.

2019 Islander Inventory was originally published on islesblogger.com

[beingulti]

Charles Mann

Hidey Ho, everyone! My name is Charley Mann, I'm 23 years old and I'm not good at ultimate. I currently work in the Princeton, NJ area and play in the very serious and very important MCUDL winter draft league. I just recently moved to the area after graduating from Emory last spring (with majors in political science and german studies, the future unemployment combo pack) and working on the Buford Highway Corridor in Atlanta over the summer. I started playing ultimate with JUICE my sophomore year after quitting the volleyball team because I kept getting severe ankle sprains almost every other month. During my rookie season I decided to try to lay out for the first time ever at High Tide and broke my wrist (I had to ice my wrist with two beers because the folks at high tide would only give me one bag of ice which I used for a sprained ankle). I served as social chair at Emory which basically meant that I ran the twitter, posted memes to the groupme (an oft-overlooked responsibility of social chairs), and organized team gatherings. Another responsibility I had was to roast coaches and captains as much as possible and I'd like to think I made their lives as difficult as possible during my time with the team.

Outside of ultimate in college, I spent time on the exec board for a student organization called Refugee Revive, which looked to serve the refugee community in the Clarkston area. I didn't do much with the organization, but I tried to solidify the structure of the organization (which I admittedly did not do a great job at) and tried to connect the organization as best as I could with community leaders I had met through work. Between my junior and senior year, I split my time interning for a refugee resettlement organization in the Tucker area of Atlanta and cleaning the pools at Emory (nothing makes you appreciate working for free in an air-conditioned office like scrubbing an Olympic sized pool with a hand brush). My senior year I was lucky enough to be selected as a Community Building and Social Change fellow at Emory which granted me the opportunity to work in Atlanta the summer after I graduated doing affordable housing research and advocacy.

I'm currently scheduled to go into the Peace Corps in July (fingers crossed I get all of my forms in by then) as an Early English Educator. If anyone has comments or stories about their experiences working abroad, please hit me up as I'm dying to learn more about what it's like.

This week I'll probably cover

-My love of Anders and Dan as coaches

-My love of TJ and Gabe as coaches

-My deep love of music and music memes

-How it feels to have Fairley guilt trip you

-Why Atlanta is awesome

-Weird stories from my time with Juice

-My juicy romantic life

-Why Lebron is better than MJ

-Other twitter accounts that I think people should follow

-My struggles to become a big time ultimate frisbee celebrity

-How I feel about MCUDL so far

-Whether or not I feel loved by my father

Thanks for being here and don't forget to follow https://twitter.com/EmoryJuice

(March 4th - March 10th)

[lydiawhinesaboutfanfiction]

Maybe You Won’t Die Alone

Summary: It's Isabela's birthday, and somehow Varric's gotten a gift to her. It's cute, thoughtful, and homemade by one of Isabela's favorite people. She absolutely loathes it.

(modern AU, f!Hawke/Isabela)

read on AO3 here

Isabela was angry with Varric. He had tracked them down and somehow predicted where they would be next and arranged for someone at the docks of their destination to give them a gift. She wasn’t upset he had managed to plot their course for them--that led her to believe it was predictable enough that unsavory characters (a different flavor of unsavory from herself and Hawke, that was) could also find it.

She was upset because of the gift itself.

It was a beautiful piece of cross stitching, probably supposed to hang on the wall of the captain’s cabin she and Hawke shared. Someone had clearly put a lot of time and effort into it. Who, she had no idea (Bethany? Anders? Aveline? Certainly not Varric, right?), and while she appreciated the effort, the message made her quite upset.

A Family Can Just Be Two Moms And A Dog And No Kids the cross stitch said, in beautiful colors, over the image of a pirate ship sailing the seas. Stitched very tiny on the ship were stick figures who were supposed to be Isabela and Hawke, and a little cross stitch mabari.

It was beautifully done, well thought out, and someone probably would have thought it a wonderful birthday present. Hawke had to physically hold Isabela back from throwing it in the sea when she first looked at it.

“It’s an objectively true statement,” Hawke said amusedly. She ran her fingers over the stitches. “You said Varric sent this, but did he say who made it?”

Isabela opened the envelope that had come with the package. There was a card with a boy pirate from a children’s cartoon on it. It was a card for a child’s 3rd birthday, but someone had crudely drawn a 5 on it, so it said “35 today! Yo ho! Way to go!” Somehow Varric had managed to get it to all of their friends to sign it. Merrill’s message, which was a little long and rambly, indicated she was the one who made the cross stitch.

Also in the card was a crisp twenty sovereign bill. Thanks, Varric.

“Merrill did it.”

“Well we can’t throw it in the sea if Merrill did it.”

“That may be true, but that doesn’t mean I have to look at it.”

“I think it’s sweet! We should put it over the bed. Imagine it: you and me, in that ridiculously tiny bed, Champion on top of us, and this over our heads. It’ll be...picturesque.”

“That’s the worst thing I’ve ever had to imagine, Hawke.”

Hawke just laughed and took the cross stitch and left for the ship, presumably to go put it over the bed. Awful. Isabela whipped out her phone to let Varric know she got the package.

ISABELA: this is objectively the worst gift ive ever received

VARRIC: You’re welcome.

ISABELA: how dare u imply that i am a mom

ISABELA: if anything i am the hot older sister

VARRIC: Okay.

Varric was one of those assholes who used full capitalization and punctuation and spelled out all his words when he texted.

ISABELA: tell merrill she did a good job on champion

VARRIC: I’ll pass the message on.

VARRIC: What does Hawke think of it?

ISABELA: she loves it

VARRIC: I thought so.

ISABELA: i hate you so much

VARRIC: Happy 35th birthday, Isabela!

Luckily, none of their meager crew had seen the thing, all too busy with their shore leave. And if Admiral Isabela had her way, none of them ever would see it. That meant it would have to stay in the captain’s quarters. Bollocks.

Well, it was her shore leave, too. She went to go find a bar.

Hawke found Isabela entertaining a group of Fereldan navy men in the shittiest bar on the entire pier a few hours later, after she had finished helping the cook load groceries and the like onto the ship.

“...and that’s the story of how I had a threesome with the Hero of Ferelden and the King of Ferelden!” she finished delightedly. There was a cluster of empty shot glasses next to her, but a few were still full. She knocked one back.

Isabela had at least six versions of that story. Sometimes the king was involved, sometimes other people. Usually the Hero of Ferelden was present, but sometimes it was just Zevran. It got confusing, and Hawke still had no idea which was the truth. It wasn’t like she could ask the king and queen of Ferelden.

Well, there was like a 30% chance the queen would answer if tweeted at about it, but that probably wasn’t a good idea.

Hawke sidled up to her partner. “Is this where you’ve been all day?”

“Hawke! Where have you been?” Isabela asked happily. “Here, have a drink.”

“I’m fine.” Hawke grinned. “When did you last eat? Let’s go get some food in you.”

Some of the navy men protested, but Hawke ignored them. She took Isabela back to the ship and got some food for her.

“Have you had a good birthday?” she asked her.

“Oh, the best. Varric gave me twenty sovereigns! And you know, I didn’t have to pay for a single drink at that bar.”

“You’re a powerful woman, Isabela.”

“You know what, Hawke? I am. I AM a powerful woman! And I'm not a mom. What was Varric thinking?”

“Oh, that's what this was about?” Okay, that made sense. Why else would Isabela have gone off to drink her feelings, without Hawke to watch her back? Damn it, Varric.

“Rude, right?”

“Very.” She grabbed some grapes off the plate she made for Isabela and ate some. “D’you want me to talk to him?”

“I think I texted him a few hours ago.” Isabela drank from the cup Hawke gave her. “Water? Hawke, I’m not that drunk.”

“Can’t be too careful. Bethany spent twenty minutes lecturing me on the dangers of alcohol poisoning the last time we talked, you know.”

Isabela snorted. “She’s been spending too much time around Anders.”

“Someone has to make sure he doesn’t accidentally use a really specific geofilter on Snapchat again.”

They both laughed at that, though it had happened a few times. The last time, a local Grey Warden unit had actually been close to where Anders and Bethany were, and it nearly resulted in a huge firefight between them. Apparently, the queen of Ferelden had strict instructions to “bring back her son,” something that embarrassed Anders to no end.

He had since learned his lesson about taking photos of stray cats with filters that had the name of the village he was staying in on them.

“You know, if the gift really bothers you that much, I can put it away. Hide it somewhere you’ll never look, like under Champion’s bed.”

Isabela groaned. “I’ll deal with it. It’s not exactly...wrong. I just don’t like the wording.”

“Neither of us are mothers, thank Andraste.”

“Thank fuck.”

“Well, you’re Champion’s Mama.”

“Excuse me?”

“Yeah, he knows the difference between us as Mommy and Mama. What a good boy,” Hawke said fondly, looking at her dog, curled up on his bed on the other side of the cabin. “But you’re not, like, a real mom.”

“I’m sure animal parents everywhere love to hear that kind of thing.”

“I don’t give a shit.”

Isabela snorted and ate some more.

Hawke thought for a moment. “A family can just be you, your pirate girlfriend, your little sister, the terrorist your little sister is babysitting, the ghost that terrorist is sharing a body with, your little brother, his ginger boss and her husband, an escaped slave, a bloodmage, an actual real live prince, and a bestselling author. And a dog. And no kids,” she said, ticking her various friends off her fingers as she went.

“It’s a little wordy.”

“I’ll work on it,” Hawke promised. Isabela scarfed down the rest of her food. “D’you wanna go to sleep?”

“Oh, if you insist.” Hawke took the empty plate and cup and set them on the desk, then climbed back into the bed next to Isabela after taking off her boots and pants. Isabela kicked her own boots off too and curled up next to Hawke.

“Good night, Hawke,” she sighed.

“Happy birthday, Isabela.”

[njonesy12]

It's that time of year again, time to recap my favorite films. After watching 160 new release films from 2016 I'm going to give a top 10, an honorable mention of 10 further films (in alphabetical order), and in honor of #alternativefacts, an alternative top 10 films that didn't get the sort of attention they deserved. (Of course Star Wars is my favorite, but I can't be objective about it, so just like last year I can't put it on my list.) Here goes. After you check out my list I'd love if you comment some of your favorite films as well! (I can add favorite documentaries or animated films if anyone wants.)

1. The Handmaiden (d. Chan-wook Park, South Korea) 2. Arrival (d. Denis Villeneuve, USA) 3. Manchester by the Sea (d. Kenneth Lonergan, USA) 4. Moonlight (d. Barry Jenkins, USA) 5. Hell or High Water (d. David Mackenzie, USA) 6. Sing Street (d. John Carney, Ireland) 7. American Honey (d. Andrea Arnold, UK) 8. Captain Fantastic (d. Matt Ross, USA) 9. Midnight Special (d. Jeff Nichols, USA) 10. Julieta (d. Pedro Almodovar, Spain)

Honorable Mention Fences (d. Denzel Washington, USA) High Rise (d. Ben Wheatley, UK) Hunt for the Wilderpeople (d. Taika Waititi, New Zealand) La La Land (d. Damien Chazelle, USA) Lion (d. Garth Davis, Australia) Loving (d. Jeff Nichols, USA) The Nice Guys (d. Shane Black, USA) Swiss Army Man (d. Daniel Kwan & Daniel Scheinert, USA) Toni Erdmann (d. Maren Ade, Germany) The Witch (d. Robert Eggers, USA)

#Alternativefacts Alternative Top 10 1. Lamb (d. Ross Partridge, USA) 2. The Lobster (d. Yorgos Lanthimos, Greece) 3. Already Tomorrow in Hong Kong (d. Emily Ting, USA) 4. Mountains May Depart (d. Jia Zhangke, China) 5. Sweet Bean (d. Naomi Kawase, Japan) 6. Eye in the Sky (d. Gavin Hood, UK) 7. Blue Jay (d. Alex Lehman, USA) 8. Train to Busan (d. Sang-ho Yeon, South Korea) 9. Men & Chicken (d. Anders Thomas Jensen, Denmark) 10. Neon Bull (d. Gabriel Mascaro, Brazil)

[lordasskick]

Top 11 Filme 2016

Es ist immer ein gutes Zeichen, wenn ich es nicht schaffe die Auswahl an guten Filmen eines Jahres auf nur zehn zu begrenzen. So war es auch 2016, so dass ich die Liste auf elf Lieblingsfilme ausweiten musste, inklusive einiger honorabel Mentions, die es ganz knapp nicht mehr in die Top 11 geschafft haben (welche da wären: Yoga Hosers, Batman: Return of the Caped Crusader, The Nice Guys, Dr. Strange und Fantastic Beasts). Auch verzichte ich dieses Jahr auf ein klares Ranking der Filme, vielmehr möchte ich einfach elf Anschautips geben, unabhängig davon, wer jetzt erster, zweiter, usw. ist.

Train to Busan

Das Zombie-Genre ist wohl eines der ausgelutschtesten Genres der letzten 5-10 Jahren, Innovationen findet man kaum und die meisten Produktionen sind einfach Schund (Ausnahmen bestätigen natürlich die Regel, siehe TWD, Zombieland und Rec). Auch Train to Busan erfindet das Zombie-Rad nicht neu, die Charaktere sind bekannte Stereotypen und der Plot verläuft auch sehr geradlinig und ohne große Wendungen und/oder Überraschungen. Der Film handelt von einer Gruppe von Menschen, die während eines Zombie-Outbreaks an Bord eines Bullet Trains gefangen sind und um ihr Überleben kämpfen müssen. Trotzdem ist Train to Busan ein gut gespielter, sauspannender und insgesamt hervorragend gemachter Film, der definitiv mehr ist als die Summe seiner Teile. Wer Lust auf mehr koreanische Zombies hat, dem sei das Anime-Prequel Seoul Station empfohlen, spielt zeitlich einen Tag vor Train to Busan und ist ebenfalls von Regisseur Sang-ho Yeon.

They call me Jeeg Robot

Kleinkrimineller kommt auf der Flucht vor der Polizei in Kontakt mit toxischem Abfall, entwickelt Superkräfte, wird von der geistig zurückgebliebenen/schwer traumatisierten (wahrscheinlich ein Bisschen was von beiden, so genau wurde mir das nicht klar) Nachbarin für den Helden ihrer Lieblings-Anime-Serie gehalten und beginnt wiederwillig das Verbrechen zu bekämpfen. Einen Preis für Originalität gewinnt auch Jeeg Robot nicht, der Film ist aber exzellent gespielt und bietet eine absolut perfekte Mischung aus Humor, Gewalt und Gefühl. Definitiv der Überraschungsfilm 2016, wer rechnet schon mit einem italienischen Superheldenfilm?

Shin Gojira

Der 29. Godzillafilm von Toho ist ein erneutes Reboot des Franchise, das Godzilla wieder zu einem absoluten Badass, einer unaufhaltsamen Naturgewalt und einer übermächtigen Bedrohung für die Menschheit macht. Vergessen sind alle Anflüge eines Beschützers der Menschheit/des Planeten, Godzilla ist wieder ein echter Badguy. Was den Film zusätzlich von der Masse der Godzillafilme abhebt und ihn klar zu einem Top 5 Kandidaten macht, ist die Art der Inszenierung. Keine nervigen Kinder, keine überflüssigen Familiendramen und ein kompletter Verzicht auf jegliche Art von Cheesiness. Im Grunde handelt es sich diesmal um einen astreinen Katastrophenfilm, der zwischen Szenen von Godzillas unaufhaltsamen Weg ins Herzen Tokyos und Vertreter verschiedener Regierungsorganisationen, die verzweifelt versuchen der Lage Herr zu werden, hin und herspringt. Godzillas Herkunft, Evolution und Kräfte haben ein Update bekommen, was sich als sehr erfrischen erweist und im Herzen doch dem Urgodzilla treu bleibt. Auch die Special Effects sind, für einen japanischen Film, sehr gut, natürlich können diese aber nicht mit denen eines AAA-Hollywoodstreifens mithalten.

Arrival

Arrival ist einer dieser Filme, über die man nicht allzu viel vorher wissen sollte. Da er auch noch einer der aktuelleren Filme auf der List ist, werde ich mich kurzfassen. Gut gespielt ist Arrival ein wahrer Sience Fiction Film, ein Film der weniger auf Explosionen als auf Hirn setzt und eine klare und wichtige Botschaft für die dunklen Zeiten, in denen wir leben, mitbringt. Unbedingt ansehen und, wenn man nah am Wasser gebaut ist, Taschentücher mitbringen!

Hell or high water

Hell or high water ist nicht nur ein extrem spannender und gut gespielter Neo-Western über zwei Brüder, die mehrere Filiale eben jener Bank überfallen, die die Hypothek auf ihre Familienfarm mit aller Macht eintreiben will, sondern auch Stimmungsbild einer in Verarmung und Trostlosigkeit versinkenden Mittelschicht in den USA. Sicherlich kein Happy-Film aber fesselnd von der ersten bis zur letzten Minute.

                                                                        A monster calls

Der aktuellste Film auf der Liste (in Deutschland läuft er erst im Mai unter dem Titel „Sieben Minuten nach Mitternacht“ an) hat es gerade noch so auf die Liste geschafft. Er handelt von einen Jungen, der die Krebserkrankung seiner Mutter dadurch verarbeitet, dass er Hilfe bei einem imaginären Monster sucht. Der Cast ist herausragend, die Geschichte ist weitestgehend klischeefrei erzählt, dadurch kommen die Emotionen absolut roh und glaubhaft rüber. Wer sich mal wieder die Seele aus dem Leib heulen will und gleichzeitig einen fantastischen Film erleben will sollte hier im Mai das Kino seiner Wahl besuchen.

Zootopia

Disney at its best! Animationen und Voicework sind großartig, die Story ist witzig und unterhaltsam erzählt. Das allein würde bereits einen guten Film ausmachen. Der Subtext der Geschichte über eine Polizistin, die mit Hilfe eines Kleinganoven eine Verschwörung aufdecken will, ist aber das, was den Film in die Top 5 der Filme 2016 katapultiert. Ein klares, aber nie zu aufdringliches Statement gegen Vorurteile und Rassismus. Gerne mehr davon.                                                    

The greasy strangler

Greasy Strangler ist so ein Film, den man entweder liebt oder hasst. Um sich zur ersten Gruppe zählen zu können sollte man definitiv ein Faible für bizarren Trash haben, man sollte damit klarkommen, dass ein Großteil der Gags sich unterhalb der Gürtellinie abspielt und letztendlich sollte man einen guten Sinn für Humor haben. Sind diese Voraussetzungen erfüllt erwartet einen ein         Panoptikum an grotesken und bizarren Szenen in einer Lovestory über einen Vater und seinen Sohn, die sich in dieselbe Frau verlieben. Und ja, ein Serienkiller mischt auch noch mit seinen fettigen Fingern mit.                      

Deadpool

Ryan Reynolds Queste, Buße für die unsägliche Darstellung des Charakters (die letztendlich natürlich nicht seine Schuld war) in dem unterirdischen Wolverine: Origins zu leisten und dabei auch seinen Hal Jordan in Green Lantern ein Stück weit ungeschehen zu machen, war ein voller Erfolg, so gut wie jeder scheint ihm diese Ausfälle vergeben zu haben. Und das zu Recht. Deadpool trifft den Ton der Comics nahezu perfekt, die Gagdichte ist enorm und die Eastereggs reichen für zehn Ostern aus. Man merkt dem Film in jeder Minute an, wie viel Herzblut seiner Macher in den Streifen geflossen ist.  

Rogue One

Allein für die letzten 30 Minuten im Allgemeinen, und diese eine Minute im speziellen, die in einem dunklen Schiffskorridor beginnt, hätte der Film einen Platz unter den Top 5 verdient. Wenn dann auch der Rest noch gut ist, dann kann ja nur ein Spitzenplatz drin sein. Was für mich (und natürlich auch für viele andere) herausstach ist die unglaublich Liebe zum Detail, die in nahezu jeder Szene sichtbar wird. Man könnte problemlos Rogue One und A New Hope aneinanderschneiden und es würde als ein Film durchgehen. Natürlich hat die Story das eine oder andere kleine Logikloch, aber wer bei Star Wars nach Logiklöchern sucht ist imho selber schuld. Außerdem ist es nicht die Story, die mich bei dem Film begeistert hat, sondern wie ich mich im Kino gefühlt habe. Und da fühlte ich mich wieder wie ein kleiner Junge, der mit offenem Mund dasaß und einfach hin und weg war.

Captain Amercia 3: Civil War

2016 war das Jahr der Superheldenfilme, in denen zwei der Helden aneinandergeraten und sich kräftig auf die Omme hauen. Der eine war BvS-DoJ, der andere war dieser kleine Geheimtipp hier. Bei einem der Beiden funktionierte die Prämisse überhaupt nicht, bei dem anderen funktionierte sie perfekt. Da wir uns hier aber nicht mit den Flops 2016 beschäftigen, sondern mit den Tops, wenden wir uns Civil War zu. Hier funktionierte der Konflikt zwischen den beiden Hauptprotagonisten perfekt, zu jeder Sekunde im Film konnte man nachvollziehen, warum welcher Charakter was tut, was ihn dazu motiviert und es war auch immer spürbar, das beide diesen Konflikt im Grund vermeiden wollten und dass es ihnen in der Seele weh tat, ihre Freundschaft für eine Sache opfern zu müssen, an die sie glauben. Evans und Downey Jr. spielen beider derartig großartig, dass es eine Schande ist, dass keiner der Beiden eine Oscar-Nominierung erhalten hat. Das Spiel der beiden offenbart eine derartige emotionale Tiefe, wie man sie in einem Superhelden-Spektakel noch nicht gesehen hat. Und die Flughafensequenz gehört zu den besten 20 Minuten Film, die ich in den letzten 15 Jahren gesehen habe. Sie war das erste Mal dass ich wahrhaftig das Gefühl hatte einen zum Leben erweckten Comic zu sehen.

[bloodxredxwolf]

The Fall of The Wolf

The Breach awakened more than just the Dread Wolf. Now, a vampire roams Thedas and she has a score to settle. Darkness, we all know it, we all feel it, we all fear it. But how long does one have to spend in the darkness before it becomes a part of you? How long before it slowly eats away at everything you are-were...how long before you forget the sound of laughter, the warmth of a smile? How long...before you become that cold, empty void we all fear? It has been ages..She had almost forgotten she was asleep...but now? Now, it’s not the darkness you need fear, sweet child….it’s what the darkness has awakened… Chapter 1: And So It Begins… It was midnight, a time when most things are at peace; little ones tucked snugly into bed, their parents embracing each other while sleeping in the room down the hall. The lone guard patrolling an empty street even though there is no sign of crime. A lone wolf howling at the brilliant moon while her pups are nestled safely in her den. For some, however, midnight was the peak of existence. A lone ship was sailing across the Amaranthine Ocean, leaving Nevarra in her wake and heading toward Ferelden. It was quiet on deck, most of the crew were below, while only a handful remained to mind the rigging. All seemed quiet and routine, save for the figure crouched atop the mast of the main sail. Nothing could be made out except for a pair of glowing yellow eyes. It seemed to be watching the crewmen below, the way an eagle sits in a tree watching its prey, waiting for an opening to strike. Suddenly, without warning, the figure dropped to the deck, landing without a sound and slinking alongside the canons. The eyes were as bright as the sun, with pupils so thin and black one almost felt as if they were looking into a bottomless abyss. It waited, crouched, remaining almost lifelessly still as one crewmember slowly, unknowingly, walked closer. Instantly, the figure lashed out, breaking the crewman’s neck and retreated under the staircase leading to the captain’s cabin. The moonlight shone through the slats of the stairs, reflecting off the creature’s dagger-like fangs before they sank deep into the dead man’s neck. Blood dripped from its mouth and even more fell onto the wooden panels of the floor as it gorged itself on the lifeless carcass. Then, as quickly as it had happened, the figure was gone and a not so distant splash was heard behind the ship. The figure returned to the perch in the mast as the crew seemed none the wiser that they were now one man short. A sweet aroma, reminiscent of lilacs and lavender wafted through the air before the night returned to her usual, calm self. Morning arrived and the crew slowly began to emerge from the bowels of the ship. Many had not even reached their stations before “LAND HO!” was heard from the crow’s nest of “The Drunken Lover”. The captain emerged from her cabin, her dark skin and even darker hair causing her to stand out from her crew, as if her gaudy (if not scanty) attire failed to do that on its own. She looked out over her crew and saw that they were almost in a daze, as if the ship were manned by nothing but tranquil. She sniffed the air and caught the faint scent that had been so much stronger just a few hours earlier. She sighed in frustration as she put her hands on her hips, “If you keep this up, I won’t have a crew to get us into port.” A young elven girl dropped beside her before standing to her full height. She looked young, mid to late twenties, hair blacker than night, lips as red as blood, and eyes that shone like the sun. Her skin was pale, as if she had scarcely seen sunlight, her Vallaslin was red as her lips and curved elegantly around the curvature of her face. The markings continued down her chin, onto her neck, and, although you couldn’t see it, down the entire length of her body. Her ears were long and poked out from underneath her chest-length hair. She kept a hood up, enough to shade her face from the sun, but not hide it completely. She lifted a slender hand and gently touched her lips, “Be glad I have controlled my thirst enough to leave you a crew at all. After all, if it weren’t for the untimely death of their captain, you wouldn’t even have this ship. A shame really, mauled by a wild animal,” she smirked, “such an excruciating way to die.” The captain shook her head and put up a hand, “I don’t need or want to know the details, but a deal is a deal. You got me my ship, I gave you passage to Kirkwall, meals included. Once we land, my crew is off limits to your...cravings?” The elf chuckled, “Yes, Isabela, I will leave you and your crew alone. I don’t intend to stay in the city long, my hunt is leading me elsewhere.” She mock bowed, exaggeratedly throwing her arms out, “If the captain doesn’t mind, I shall take my leave. And you’ll not see me again, this I promise you.” Before she could even respond, the girl was gone. Captain Isabela stood at the stern of the ship and watched silently as they sailed into port. It had been several years since she first set foot in the city and met her dear friend, Marian Hawke. So much history stood before her, yet she had no desire to stay and reminisce. As far as she was concerned, they were replacing the men who had “mysteriously fallen overboard”, restocking supplies, and leaving. True to her word, the elf slipped off the ship without a sound and vanished among the crowd. She clung to the shadows as she maneuvered her way through Lowtown, her hand to her nose to keep as much of the awful smell out as possible. She quickly made her way from the slums to the markets of Hightown and the gates of the Viscount’s Hall. After the invasion of the Qunari and the death of the previous Viscount, several changes had been made, including more highly trained guardsmen. As she approached the closed gate a guard stepped in front of her, “What business do you have here?” “I have business with the Viscount.” The guard looked down his nose at her, “What business does a knife ear have with Her Grace?” Before his mouth was finished moving, her hand was around his throat and holding him above the ground and against the wall. Her pupils were dilated and her hood had fallen around her shoulders. “Call me ‘knife-ear’ one more time, you bloody swine.” she snarled. The second guard spun to face her and drew his sword. She turned her head and he trembled as her eyes met his. The air grew cold as her golden eyes turned black. “You will sheathe your sword and take me to your Viscount. You will remember neither my coming or going and you will forget that you ever left your post.” Both guards, as if in a trance, replied, “I will take you to the Viscount and remember neither your coming or going.” She placed the first guard back on his feet and replaced her hood on her head as the guards opened the gate and walked into the courtyard. They led her up a large stairway and before large, intricately carved doors. They knocked twice before opening the doors, revealing a large room with windows looking out onto the city. Books lined the walls in every direction. In the center of the room was a desk, where a woman with crystal blue eyes and raven hair sat, her hands to her chin, fingers interlaced. By her side stood a man with orange hair, his hand placed cautiously on a mage staff leaning behind the Viscount’s chair. The guards bowed and closed the doors as they exited the room. The elf removed her hood and bowed. “My Lady, it is a pleasure to finally meet you. I have heard much of the Champion of Kirkwall.” The man was first to respond, “What business do you have here, demon?” The Viscount raised her hand to him, “It’s alright, Anders. If she meant me any harm, she would have attacked instead of introducing herself. What is your name?” The girl glanced at Anders, “Ana, and you can put your staff away. As she said, if I wanted to hurt either of you, you would already be dead.” Anders snarled, but Marian nodded for him to lower his staff. “What can I do for you, Ana?” Ana glanced at the shelves of books and sighed, “I’m looking for an artifact of my people. I heard whispers there was one here in Kirkwall.” She peeked out of the corner of her eye at Marian and Anders, “An Eluvian?” The Champion and Anders both looked at each other before Anders took a step forward. Ana began to walk to the window to her left, acting as though she hadn’t noticed their postures become defensive. She ran her hand along the windowsill before turning to face them. “I take from your silence that you know of what I speak. Then you must also know of the young elf who built it? The Fade has many things to say of her. Do you know where she is?” Marian stood, “I think you need to leave.” Ana smirked as her eyes met the Champion’s. “As you wish. You have told me everything I needed to know. Enjoy your day, Ser.” She bowed again as she pulled the doors open and left the room. “Anders, what was that? I have never felt magic like that before, even with Orsino.” Anders watched Ana walk through the courtyard, his eyes staying on her as he answered, “Old. Very old and dark magic. Even Justice feared it.” “And she wants the Eluvian? I don’t like this. Follow her, find out what she’s up to.” Anders nodded and left the room. Marian walked to the window on the furthest end of the room. “She wanted her presence known. That was all this visit was.” she said to herself. “Oh Merrill, I hope you haven’t done anything foolish to bring her here.” ***** The sun began to set and the streets were beginning to clear out. Anders stood in the middle of Hightown Market searching for any sign of Ana. How could she have just vanished? He already checked on Merrill and she had not seen any sign of anything unusual around the Alienage. He searched Lowtown, the docks, even Darktown, it was as if she had completely vanished. He had no choice but to return to his home with the Champion and tell her the news, or lack thereof. Merrill performed her usual rounds in the Alienage, making sure each family was taken care of before returning to her home. She thought she would miss being with her clan, but she had found solace in helping the elves here better their livelihoods. As she approached her door, she felt a chill in the air. She shuddered as she rubbed her arms and hurried inside. It was dark, so she used magic to light the lanterns in her home along with her fireplace. A startled gasp escaped her lips as she saw a figure sitting next to the fire. “I thought I would find you here.” “Wh-who are you?” Merrill said cautiously. “How did you get into my home?” The figure stood and walked over to the Eluvian against the far side of the room. “Oh Merrill. You young, foolish thing. You should have listened to your Keeper. This magic is too old and dangerous for the likes of you.” Merrill reached for her staff, “You need to leave. Now.” The figure turned, her red lips and yellow eyes reflecting the light of the fire. “I guess I should at least tell you my name. Not that it will matter soon. I am Ana, and I am here for the Eluvian.” “What do you know of my Eluvian? Hawke and I killed the demon, it cost me my clan. It hasn't been touched in over a year.” Ana caressed the intricate metal frame holding the glass. “Poor, sweet child. You toy with things you do not understand. You do not need to ‘touch’ it. Its magic is old, it called to me from lands beyond your knowledge.” Merrill squinted as she tensed her body, “I don’t know what you’re talking about, but I won’t ask you to leave again. The Eluvian does not work, now go!” “It needs a key. It doesn’t work because you haven’t used the key. Here, let me show you.” “Wha-?” Before Merrill could speak, Ana flicked her wrist and pushed Merrill against the wall. Merrill grunted as she fell to the ground. She waved her hand as a wall of ice shards flew in Ana’s direction. Merrill smirked as Ana made no attempt to dodge and the ice pierced her abdomen. The smile quickly faded, however, as Ana sighed and shook her head. She stepped back, pulling the ice shard from her body and threw it to the ground. Merrill’s eyes widened as the wound closed, not so much as a scar left behind. Ana brushed her hands together, “Please don’t make this any harder than it has to be.” Merrill spun her staff before slamming it to the ground. Electricity crackled as it ran across the room, but Ana was gone before it ever reached her position. Merrill gasped and spun just in time to see an orb of fire rushing towards her. She screamed as the flames burned her clothing and skin, the force of the impact throwing her across the room. She was shaking and gasping as she braced herself on her hands and knees. “What are you?” she choked. Ana walked to her before grabbing her by the back of her head, exposing her neck. “Darkness.” she replied before she sank her fangs deep into Merrill’s jugular. Merrill screamed, but only for a moment. Ana quenched her thirst as Merrill’s lifeless body hung from her grasp, her empty gaze facing the Eluvian. After a few moments, Ana stood and wiped the blood from her lips before placing a hand in the pool of blood at her feet. She held her palm to the surface of the Eluvian and the mirror began to glow. “Foolish child.” She whispered as she stepped over Merrill’s body and into the Void beyond the glass. As soon as she had passed through, the light from the Eluvian died and the glass shattered, leaving nothing but a metal frame and a lifeless body at its base.

[deepredradio]

Sage und schreibe zwölf Hauptreviews (plus Bonus) schafften es in unsere aktuelle Show. Von Superhelden, Göttinnen und Actionheroen ist hier die Rede – und solchen, die es vielleicht noch werden wollen. Auch packen wir gemeinsam ein hübsches Paket von 88Films aus England aus, mit funkelndem Inhalt. War ja schließlich erst Ostern. Wir sind vielleicht mehr DRR als je zuvor, das Genrekino erhält unsere vollste Aufmerksamkeit.

So schafft es tatsächlich der neue AVENGERS: ENDGAME den Marvel-Motzern Stefan und Benedikt ein Lächeln auf die Gesichter zu zaubern. Und Julia kontert gleich mit SPIDERMAN: INTO THE SPIDERVERSE. Team Testosteron unterzog sich derweil einem masochistischen Ritual bei der Bewältigung der zweiten „cineastischen Hausaufgabe“: wir prügelten uns durch STREET FIGHTER anno 1994. Ihr wolltet es ja nicht anders. Apropos kämpfen: TRIPLE THREAT, ASSASSINATION NATION, HUNTER KILLER, PEPPERMINT – werdet Zeuge von Benedikts martialischem Streifzug durch die jüngste Actionfilmgeschichte. Da kommen auch monströse Erscheinungen (MOTHRA, MONSTRUM) nicht zu kurz.

Dass wir aber eigentlich schon immer mehr auf wahre Gefühle aus sind, beweisen Titel wie der Erotik-Klassiker 9 ½ WOCHEN samt Kim Basinger, denen sich Max und Stefan willentlich hingeben sowie Steve McQueens hinreißendes Drama WIDOWS. Auch im Fundstück… Hoppla, das wollen wir ja noch gar nicht verraten!

Enjoy the Show!

  Shownotes: (Timecodes/Kaptielmarken findet ihr im Player)

Folgende Medien (Filme, Bücher, Serien, …) wurden besprochen oder angerissen:

• MEDIENSCHAU: Wicked-Vision Media, Moviestar 04/1988, Captain Marvel – Serial, Liebe nach dem Stundenplan, 88Films Unboxing • KINO: Avengers Endgame | Regie: Anthony Russo & Joe Russo; 2019, USA, Disney • HEIMKINO: Widows | Regie: Steve McQueen; 2018; USA; Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment • HEIMKINO: Spider-Man: A New Universe | Regie: Bob Persichetti; USA; 2018; Disney • HEIMKINO: Triple Threat | Regie: Jesse V. Johnson; China/USA/Thailand; 2019; Koch Media GmbH • HEIMKINO: 9 1/2 Wochen | Regie: Adrian Lyne; USA; 1986; Filmconfect Home Entertainment GmbH • HEIMKINO: Hunter Killer | Regie: Donovan Marsh; USA; 2018; Concorde Film Entertainment • HEIMKINO: Assassination Nation | Regie: Sam Levinson; USA; 2018; Universum Film GmbH • HEIMKINO: Mothra bedroth die Welt | Regie: Ishirô Honda; Japan; 1961; Anolis Entertainment • HEIMKINO: Peppermint – Angel of Vengeance | Regie: Pierre Morel; USA; 2018; Universum Film GmbH • HEIMKINO: Monstrum | Regie: Huh Jong-ho & Heo Jong-ho; Süd-Korea; 2018; Koch Media GmbH • HEIMKINO: Unknown User: Dark Web | Regie: Stephen Susco; USA; 2018; Universal Pictures • CINEASTISCHE HAUSAUFGABE: Street Fighter – Die entscheidende Schlacht | Regie: Steven E. de Souza; Australien / Thailand; 1994; Sony Pictures Home Entertainment

#gallery-0-3 { margin: auto; } #gallery-0-3 .gallery-item { float: left; margin-top: 10px; text-align: center; width: 50%; } #gallery-0-3 img { border: 2px solid #cfcfcf; } #gallery-0-3 .gallery-caption { margin-left: 0; } /* see gallery_shortcode() in wp-includes/media.php */

Moviestar 04/88 – Captain Marvel – Serial 1941

Liebe nach dem Stundenplan VS. Verfilmung “Leidenschaftliche Blümchen” 1978

DRR-SHOW – 08-2019 – Die Steine der Weisen Sage und schreibe zwölf Hauptreviews (plus Bonus) schafften es in unsere aktuelle Show. Von Superhelden, Göttinnen und Actionheroen ist hier die Rede – und solchen, die es vielleicht noch werden wollen.

[rijksmuseum-art]

Officers and other Marksmen of the III District in Amsterdam Led by Captain Jacob Gerritsz Hoyngh and Lieutenant Nanningh Florisz Cloeck (The Company of Captain Jacob Gz. Hoing and of Lieutenant Nanning Florisz. Cloeck in 1616), 1616, Museum of the Netherlands

Schuttersstuk van de Kloveniersdoelen met het korporaalschap van kapitein Jacob Gerritsz Hoyngh en luitenant Nanningh Florisz Cloeck. Veertien figuren in twee rijen, de bovenste achter een balustrade. Beneden in het midden de vaandrig, andere schutters met hellebaarden.

http://hdl.handle.net/10934/RM0001.COLLECT.10909

[pabo-reactions]

NHL Rumors: Kings, Islanders, Wild, More

New Post has been published on https://nhlrumormill.com/nhl-rumors-kings-islanders-wild-more-2/

NHL Rumors: Kings, Islanders, Wild, More

In today’s rumor rundown, the Kings might be at the beginning stages of change, there is a team not named the Hurricanes who might be interested in William Nylander and the New York Islanders are realizing they may already have a tough decision to make when it comes to the future of Anders Lee.

Kings Might Not Be Done Making Moves

Sportsnet’s Elliotte Friedman said yesterday on the NHL Network that the recent firing of John Stevens in Los Angeles may signal the starts of more moves, the next being moves within the roster itself.  One name he keeps hearing is Tanner Pearson and that their is a desire by the Kings to create a market for his services and see what’s out there for him. That change might not be immediate, because the team seems to think they can get better coaching out of this group and turn hopefully turn things around.

Part of that coaching philosophy seems to be grooming assistant Marco Sturm who the Kings believe might one day be their head coach, but isn’t necessarily ready for that role yet.

Los Angeles Kings left wing Tanner Pearson (Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports)

Helene Elliott of the Los Angeles Times believes if this coaching move fails the Kings may consider more than just Pearson but actually breaking up the team. She admits it would be difficult to completely dismantle the club due to “a bunch of hefty, difficult-to-move contracts,” and that management believes this group has the makings to win another Stanley Cup, but something drastic might need to get done.  She says breaking up this group, “would be conceding the season and starting a rebuild.”

Related: NHL Rumors: Bobrovsky, Rask, Nylander, More

Wild in on William Nylander?

With the continued rumors surrounding William Nylander and the news that the Carolina Hurricanes would be all in should he become available, whispers of other teams having interest will start to pop up. So far, the names out there include the Los Angeles Kings and Minnesota Wild.

(Brad Rempel-USA TODAY Sports)

In particular, the Wild were mentioned by Friedman while on Sportsnet 960 but he’s not sure they have what the Maple Leafs want in a right-shot defenseman. Friedman did admit however, the right-shot d-man might not be a make or break for Toronto. “I think you would have to assume everything,” he said.  “if you’re taking Nylander off your roster, you might need another forward.”

Could a larger trade that would include William Nylander for Matt Dumba be possible? It would hard to imagine the Wild willing to part with Dumba straight across. There is plenty of speculation that if the Wild don’t have a great season there could be big changes but so far, they’ve gotten off to a strong start at 8-3-2.

Things on the Nylander front should start to ramp up soon as the Maple Leafs have about three weeks to decide because after December 1st, he’s ineligible for the rest of the season.

Related: NHL Rumors: Bobrovsky, Ho-Sang, Lundqvist, More

Déjà Vu with Anders Lee?

Larry Brooks of the New York Post wonders if the New York Islanders are looking at a similar situation to what they faced with John Tavares now that Anders Lee is emerging as such a strong player, but one who is about to become an unrestricted free agent.

Peeke joins the likes of Anders Lee as captains at Notre Dame. (Amy Irvin / The Hockey Writers)

Lee is playing extremely well, offering leadership in the absence of Tavares and the Islanders are sixth in the NHL, yet there’s some talk the team might not be willing to pay Lee the kind of money he’ll command in free agency.

At 28 years old, Lee could see a huge bump in salary and the Islanders might choose not to pay but they also won’t shop him considering he’s essential to their possible playoff hopes. This is exactly what the team faced with Tavares and they gambled and lost on keeping him. Can they really afford to do the same with Lee?

The post NHL Rumors: Kings, Islanders, Wild, More appeared first on The Hockey Writers.

[fmlfpl]

Lineup Lamentations - GW9

Our Transfers, Captains, and Starting 11s for the week.

Woah. We’re back.

WALSH

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Fat fuck Shaw

IN: Luisito Spaniel Alves Prince Doherty of the Matthews

Rolling a transfer and just doing the one move this week. United in all sorts and some bad fixtures from a clean sheet perspective to boot makes Shaw an easy removal. Doherty has been banging them in lately for a very competent Wolves side at wingback and is just a great pick full stop. Not overthinking things here and going with the good guy.

GK:

Alisson finally has an absurdly good and easy fixture so six points here I come.

DEF:

Trenty double up get fucking in wee lad. Livp with a strong run having the pair here should start paying dividends.

Mendy, who I have stuck by all this time, gets a nice home game against Dyche's band of merry fucks in what should be an easy clean if not more.

Wolves double of Doherty and Jonny Cast Otto begins today. Really hoping it comes in against Twatty as the fixtures are not sooo good coming up. Going to be relying on some wingback attacking returns to an extent in the near term so we'll see how that goes.

MID:

Haz and Mo couple of good guys sitting there. Not too worried about Mo's "injury" but that's just me.

Fray-zuh little bit more precarious but Edward Howe is a fucking liar so fuck that guy. Could be fit as a fiddle for all we know. It is suspect to me that he was even sent to Scotland in the first place by the club only to be returned without a minute logged and "injured". Feel like he's fine.

Finally, Dilv big swinging lad is in there. His spot on my team is nowhere near certain but his stats are just absurd. Somehow. Hmpf. Go get it Daveed.

FWD:

Kun and Arnie still sitting in a tree. Ho hum.

BENCH:

Wan / Kamara / Billing AKA 1 point / 1 point / 1 point.

CAP:

Sticking with Mo the lad. I think Huddy are incomparably worse than Burnley and going to roll with the Pharaoh for this one. If he doesn't play it'll go to Kun, but I don't envision a cameo at all so I'm doing something I've never done and capped someone with a yellow flag. Fuck off FPL I am my own man. Get in there Mo.

ALON

TRANSFERS:

OUT: DDG and Wan-B

IN: Patricio and Doherty

Double Wolves double fun.

Removing DDG from my squad feels like removing a malignant tumor from the locker room. Huge relief, lots of $ saved, more points coming in, it’s just all good. Furthermore Patricio can actually make saves and Wolves can actually keep cleans. It’s great, what a great thing, and what a great time to be alive.

This is my second go-around removing Wan-B from the squad and it feels fine again. It’s a little weird because he’s such good value and such a good bench guy but at the same time he offers nothing going forward, Palace have been bad lately, and I don’t want Wan near my starting 11 for the next five consecutive GWs with those fixtures... With the team as is that last spot - formerly Wan’s spot - is in my starting 11 so getting Irish Dani Alves in there feels good right now.

I’m not taking hits yettttt (as I thought I would on the pod) for Hazard as honestly this week I would rather have Dilva home to Burnley, which could be 4, 5, 6, who knows how many goals for City then Hazard home to a massive double-decker Ander Herrera man-marking dirty foul nightmare disaster of Manchester United. Call me crazy.

GK:

New boy Patricio between the sticks in what I consider a very cleanable fixture home to Twatty for what is a top defense in Wolves. Get in.

DEF:

Back to the five stack at the back.

Robbo and Trent should be about as nailed a clean as it gets in this world. Huddy in both fixtures last season managed a total of one shot on target and zero goals and they’re not looking any more dangerous this season. Let’s keep that up.

Luiz and Alonso double home to United is comme ci comme ca not sure how to feel about it. On one hand very easy to imagine Mourinho nightmare parked to fuck and Chelsea have 75ish percent possession easy clean but on the other hand the mainstream take is that Mou tends to perform decently against top sides who get after it so maybe United can find joy on the counter... We’ll see but there’s always the chance of attacking points from both Luiz and Alonso so they’re still in there for sure no question.

Lastly new boy Doherty very cleanable very tittable very - in the words of Derek - goes up the right side and crosses the ball a lot which is good.

Expecting a highhhhhh floor for my six at the back -- 30ish points minimum seems very realistic and nice with the upside of a lot more.

MID:

Three dudes go with the aforementioned Dilva home to Burnley. Gundo is out hurt, KdB we don’t know yet but “in the 18″ seems less like he’ll start and more like he’s working himself back to fitness so Dilva’s spot should be safe for what should be an ass-fucking.

Mo we’re lead to believe is fully fit and fine but Klopp and smoke screens who the fuck actually knows. Away to Huddy if he starts is big time hatty potential though.

And lastly eye-test progressive passing merchant Maddo goes again. Cannot wait to watch him carve the fuck out of some amalgamation of Xhaka / ‘Douzi / Rambo / Mkhi / Torreira / Mesut let alone Arsenal’s actual defenders..... Let’s bet the over on yellow cards boys.

FWD:

Dilly ding dilly dong Kun and Laca get innnnnnnnnn!

Kun home vs. a bad team = lots of dongs usually.

Laca has six straight matches with a return - 4 goals 4 assists - so he’s obviously fucking awesome and I’m awesome for getting him in and big upping him in preseason. Arsecast are home as well - unfortunately no Wes Morgan playing - but Leicester defense has actually been good by the numbers this season so it would be nice to see Arse flowing a bit... There’s DEFinitely a chance that Puel puts his Gringotts stamp on this match though and it devolves into much ado about nothing disgusting disaster in the middle of the pitch - the Puel special.

BENCH:

Awful trio of Ward / Billing / Kamara.

CAP:

I’m on Kun.

There’s always some risk with Kun -- risk of Jesus with UCL coming up, risk of Kun playing 50-70 minutes which has been happening lately, and risk of Kun’s foot still not being fine we don’t really know.

With Mo there’s similar amounts of risk of not picking up his finishing form yet, risk of a sorta unknown injury lurking so he may not start or may also get subbed early like Kun, and the same slight risk of rest before UCL, we don’t really know a lot about either of them...

The big difference to me is that City are still the best team in the prem and there’s very very low risk of City getting shut down at home attacking wise by a shitty team like Burnley. They’re just soooo good at breaking teams down and they do it better then anyone in Europe -- City are THREE GOAL FAVORITES which is fucking out of control ridiculous... Liverpool on the other-hand, this season’s Liverpool, are probably the best defense in the league and have shown to be very content to just pickup 3 points by winning 1-0 or 2-0 and shutting down a match once they’ve scored...

I think that the above just cannot be ignored. There’s real potential of anywhere between three goals and who the fuck knows seven goals from City. And I want that. I want a big piece of that...

Mo ideally comes through fit and firing and dongs and is awesome and then we cap him confidently next week home to Cardiff. Easy peasy.