#Cartman's 'first' little gay crush

[bloogers-boogers]

Kyle Brofloski/Eric Cartman (SP fic)

('What's up with the fatass?')

/Devious melancholy/ part 2

'Wait? You think I'm gay because I'm from south park?'

'Well duh, everyone from south park is gay'

Slight warning ⚠️ just warning yah that's all, these two deranged characters will get together somehow but they will trust me, they will.

~~~~

Cartman inspected the apartment his mother rented, it wasn't bad, not as spacious though, but it'll do for now.

He was grasping the place, the town.. everything seem so lame, he couldn't expect any less from North Park but he'll suck it up for money.

Once they have enough money saved he'll make his mother moved them back to South Park. That was his plan; receive the money, get rich and stop being poor finally living the luxury he deserves, and ofcourse, brag his success to Kyle.

He beamed as he looked at the window contemplating everything he needed to do, to get the plan going. He made sure his mom woke up early because he wasn't risking her to make herself look like a incompetent employee on her first day of work, because he knew she had taken some crack last night before getting out from South park the effects of it just hit harder before going to bed, he fucking hates it so much, he was damn lucky she didn't crash the moving van on the way there. Luckily she wasn't required to do any drug test or both would've been screwed.

He never understood why teens his age were into that crap neither did he understood the adults, or Kenny. He just knew they made everyone stupid afterwards, well, more stupid then they already were.

After pushing his mom outside, practically just shoving her outside before slamming the door and setting his game up on the tv.

He played for like an hour before he reluctantly decided to go outside and see what he'll have to handle for a couple of months.

Everthing seemed so— rich? South Park's biggest accomplishment was having a whole's food in town while North Park had state winning champions working at some McDonald's drive-thru.

In less words, everything looked so 'posh', one of the disadvantages there was its weather; it wasn't cold or atleast to a temperature he was already use to, it was the opposite. For what he had searched it was stated to be one of the hottest places in Colorado, it would only snow just at the end of the year, which is insane. He can't imagine not walking to a almost daily snowy white path, stomping hard on the areas that seem to be deeper in depth cause he just liked the feeling of being sunk in like some wormhole, or making snowmen with his friends.

So there he was, complaining as he walked in the heated weather, it was insupportable he felt himself dragged his feet as his sweat poured down like rivers up his face; like melting snow on a sidewalk, the irony.

Unnoticeable passing by some neighborhood as he craved for water, panting duo the excess warmth in his body and the heavy breathing he was making, maybe he should take off his winter coat? He grasped some air as he took it off sighing as he felt a pin of weight let loose, feeling dizzy he leaned himself against some bench near the crosswalk trying to avoid fainting, now sitting down while holding on to his chest.

Seconds later he was tapped in the forehead with a water bottle, he looked up to curse who ever did that but his mouth went straight flat.

It was a North Parker but seemingly his age, so far he's only encountered old folks, but this one, he was wrinkle free, full of youth and had that innocent looking spirit somewhat spread around him. He was blonde with green eyes, kinda handsome for a dude but looked like a total geek.

"You're not from around here aren't you?," He asked, gesturing his bottle for he to grab it.

He reluctantly grabbed it, crisscrossing he wasn't about to be mugged or something, but shrugging it off immediately as he began drinking it. Stranger danger his ass.

"I'm from South Park, I just moved here, nerd," he commented in his usual banter.

The boy wince seemingly annoyed by the name hesitated in just walking away or indulge further in the conversation.

"You're from south park?," he repeated with a cringed expression as he asked, "no wonder I didn't recognize such a fat piece of crap in our town," he retorted with a similar tone he had use when he mocked him.

"Aye! Who do you think you are!? gaywad pussy licker!," he screeched out, gripping on to the bottle he was holding.

"Everything alright, Jackson?," another boy chimed in as some other boy walked beside him.

"I just found ourselves a South Parker," he stated mockingly.

"No way," the jock looking kid said bewildered, "you come from that crappie ass town?," he laughed dryly.

Cartman frowned, "shut the fuck up you mother fuckin' no good pussy lickin' hippies!," he cursed out loud, pointing out the reggae lover looking dude.

"See? This is why Shart park always stays behind, so stuck up in that common bigotry of yours it doesn't let you guys evolve," the jock stated casually, with a smugly smirk. His group of friends laughing beside him.

"Apparently he just moved here," geek boy informed the jock cunt.

"Wooow," the boy said in a sarcastic way, "that'll mean you'll finally be able to evolve from a shit stain to a fart."

The group laughed as he finally got up and pointed accusing to them.

"This is why you're all prestigious little douches in our category!," he exclaimed before storming off forgetting he had left his coat in the bench.

He heard from behind a 'good thing we aren't looking to be categorized from undeveloped pigs,' and with that he went off home, regretting going outside.

It had become dark, now resting in his couch as he layyed in a bored exaggerated manner. He really wanted to play video games with Kenny but he knew that poor piece of crap was still working a shift at those hours and he knew Butters wouldn't be able to do so either as he remembered two days ago he had commented he was grounded for a week. He sighed heavily contemplating to call either Stan or Kyle bothering them to make himself laugh.

But he turned over to look at the door as there was some banging coming from it.

He groaned annoyed as he walked to open it, "what?," he immediately spat dryly half way opening the door.

And his gaze landed to those familiar green marbled eyes he had previously seen that afternoon.

"What the fuck are you doing here? Did you follow me you creeping stalker!?," unironically being a stalker himself, he questioned offended.

The boy frowned shoving his coat to his chest harshly, startling him.

"Just being a good civilian here, lardass," he commented before huffing, as he took out a cigarette from his pocket and lit it up.

"You smoke!?," he asked baffled, he's never seen a nerd smoke before.

"Yeah, so?," the blonde asked incredulously.

"Didn't know geek boys could smoke," He smugly teased.

The boy just huffed as he roll his eyes, mumbling 'South Parkers,' before eyeing him up and down.

"So are you going to study in North park middle-school?," he asked more curious, puffing his cigarette some more, purposely blowing the smoke on his face making the other cough.

"Kinda," Cartman shrugged in response, wincing by the smell emitted.

"I'm Jackson btw, just for you to remember who targeted you first," He remarked as he stomped on his cigarette putting it out, dragging his hands inside his pockets, "what's yours, fatboy?."

"Aye! I ain't fat you piece of shit!," he blurted out, feeling quite some familiarity in the whole ordeal, "Eric, I'm Eric Cartman."

°°°°

After that 'splendid' encounter with geek boy, his day went to an end, beginning the next day as he was preparing himself to be dropped off at his new school, he stopped in the new bus point he was given and waited to be picked up. He sighed contemplating the new possibilities, new faces, friends, teachers. It's gonna be hard to adapt. But he was Eric T. Cartman, nothing is impossible for him.

He spot the bus half way, heavily breathing he gripped on his backpack.

Entering, the students there just glanced at him indifferent and judgmental, as if he were some weird bug. He sat in some empty seat in the back and heard a couple of students gasped and whispering.

'What was all that about?'

He took out his phone, carelessly about the constant glances at him, texting Kenny about joining on a server that night to play some game.

"Hey, faggot, da fuck are you doing in our seat?."

('Fag' sp canon definition n. 1. An extremely annoying, inconsiderate person most commonly associated with Harley riders. 2. A person who owns or frequently rides a Harley.)

He glanced up from his screen and visualize the jock kid and his stupid hippie group.

"Oh? This seat yours?," he said in a mocking tone, "don't see your name on it whore cummers," he blurted out as he now rubbed his ass all over 'their' seat taunting.

"Tsk, this dimwit," the red head mumbled to his friends.

He then sat next to him intentionally pushing him against the window both other boys tagged in apparently trying to trap him and suffocate him as they squished him forward the window.

"Goddammit!," he winced out trying to loosen there grip. The group of friends just howled in laughter.

"Admit you suck and piss off, southie," the jock kid stated as he leaned his body on him more.

"Over my dead fucking body, dick head!," he screamed slamming his fist up his nuts.

"¡OWW!," he squirmed in pain, reddened face by the embarrassment and ofcourse the agony pain that raised in his nutcrackers, "we got ourselves a fierce one," he stated still holding on to his balls as he winced his eyes shut.

Both boys tried gripping on him but he moved forward scooping himself over to the front seat shoving off some other students as he was chased around the bus from both geek boy and hippie shit. Jackson grabbed him from the leg as he failed attempting to get out from a window gripping on his body against his.

"Got him," He said grinning, as he swooped his body left and right attempting to make him seem like he were dancing even though it was clearly forced. Like a puppeteer and his puppet.

"Let me go, asshat!," He whined trying to lessen his grip, but couldn't. His strength reminded him so much of Kyle's, looking like he wouldn't bat your shit but was totally the opposite when provoked.

"Hmm," He hummed in a fake contempt, nuzzling his perky nose against his neck causing him to shiver by the touch, "what do you think, Stewart?," the boy asked the jock.

As he was finally recovering himself, passing through the walkway up to him, he punched him hard in the stomach receiving a 'hmph!' In return.

"That he isn't as bad as we thought he'd be for some southie," he smugly stated making the trapped boy arched a brow confused.

°°°°

"This is Hershey," Stewart gesture the hippie, who just waved casually, "my best friend Jackson," he continued presenting themselves before stepping inside school grounds. The blonde geek acting like he hasn't already presented himself before.

"What's yours, south bitch?," Hershey now chimed in expectantly.

"I'm Eric," he responded unbothered, as he glance at the huge building. If you were to compare this school to South Park's you wouldn't even see his town as a school.

"We can show you around," Jackson suggested with his hands inside his pockets.

"And when he says 'we' he means 'him' I have to go see Gigy at cheerleader practice, peace," Stewart casually waved off as he joined a couple of other douchbags who were also heading to the gymnasium or field, he wasn't sure exactly.

"Me too, I have to meet up with Jeannie for cleaning the courtyard before class starts," Hershey waved off heading another direction, "don't get lost, dog park," he lastly said before running off in a mischievous manner.

"Aye!," he grumbled out, but was left unheard.

Well, Jackson still was awkwardly standing next to him averting his eyes to a building, then to some students walking by and then the ground.

"So— fatass, what's there to know about you?," he asked, continuously walking to the entrance.

He followed along him, "Aye! I ain't fat you stupid queermo!," he screamed out.

"How 'revolutionary'," he stated sarcastic, before glancing at him, "I'm the debate club leader, I like swimming and have two siblings."

Cartman contemplated his answer before nodding as he pouted out his own, "I was the team captain of the football team and was among the popular kids," he beamed out confidently.

"Haha sure you were," Jackson said taunting, immediately pointed out his bluff, "we know who you are, fatboy."

Cartman halted now looking at him attentively.

"You're the fat, narcissistic psychopath from town that feed his half brother his parents," he explained unfazed, "we know all about the shit that happens to your town on a daily it always becomes a huge fuss for all of us when it comes to you assholes," he shrugged, gesturing a locker.

"That's your locker, E-10 right?."

He nodded in response, uncertain if he'd be able to make friends after being so easily revealed, but why was he talking to him so casually if he already knew who he was and what he's capable of?

Neither brought that topic again as Jackson showed him around campus, it was quite big, the tour had to be cut in short until school ended. For his dismay the class he was assigned to didn't include either of the assholes he just met until third period being seemingly the class he shared Spanish with Stewart, beside him he either would had to wait until seventh period which he shared Biology with Hershey.

It's not like he gave a fuck but he wasn't familiar on being a 'new kid', not only that, but Jackson warned him about how people here weren't to found of people who came from South Park noneless people who were born there he called him a 'TP' at first he thought he called him toilet paper but apparently it was a slang of theirs to call South park visitors 'target parker'; which meant they'll trash them until they leave their town. He found it quite dramatic but then again, their own town has shooed city people away before cause they couldn't tolerate their kind.

It also made sense why the group of boys began trashing him when he first mentioned being from South Park, then reluctantly just acting normally once knowing he actually moved here. That still didn't give him a pass but they had gotten a liking to him very quickly for some reason he still can't grasp upon.

And as such he was targeted for being a complete 'southie' even the teacher bashed on him as he was the one to blurt him out to the class for coming from South park. The only friend he managed to make was in his second period, his name was Jamie Hutson; a seemingly naive freckled boy, brown hair with braces who was from New York. He was pretty chill with the fact he was a 'tp' actually he seem to have 'pity' of him for coming out from a town like that. But when he meant 'seemingly' it's because he looked like that, but was a complete jerk to everyone displaying a false attitude infront of teachers being a A+ student but immediately flipping switches bullying some classmates there like an bigoted.

He actually felt grateful that it seem he had been taken lightly being called slurs and some bigotry comments compared to a red head kid that hanged in some wall hanger by his underwear.

"So, what's your socials, shart-fart?," Jamie approached, resting his elbows in his desk as he beamed innocently.

He huffed, "call me shartfart again, asshole, I dare you!," he threatened almost falsely, cause he really didn't want to bother on doing anything.

"Oh? You're gonna do something to me?," He smugly stated, chuckling, "so?," he extend his phone twoards him expecting for he to write his number.

He reluctantly typed his number down before huffing as he heard the bell rang and dashed off.

Maybe it'd be convenient to befriend the bully of their school?

He bumped in to geek boy again, who had cuss him out for not watching his way as he had dropped his books, he didn't bother helping out cause that's just how he is.

"Thanks for shit, asswipe," he spat bitter, as he tried organizing them in his arms.

"You're welcome, dearest," he teasingly said eying him, batting his eyelashes in a innocent manner.

He won't deny he was very appealing for the eye, he like how he shot back instantly every time he taunt back, those fierce eyes hooked him up like a fisherman's fish hook and his sly smirk was dazzling, smug, knowingly. He clearly has that competitive attitude, he seem smart, hot-headed and calculated, he seemed rival material.

Before he could even speak back he stopped him with his palm, "what religion do you follow?," he asked now intriguingly curious.

Jackson arched a brow skeptical, "why do you want to know, fatass!?," he questioned knowingly, a deep annoyed voice.

Cartman couldn't help but to smirk by that, oh, he's perfect.

"Y'know just?," he shrugged smugly, "it doesn't matter I'll figure it out," he winked as he began walking to his next class leaving the boy speechless.

That day he stalked his new 'friends', and found everthing he needed to know about them. He also figured out Jackson Hu was a no good, annoyingly boring cult member of a jehovah witness.

He smirked as he watched a picture of the boy on his laptop, resting his chin on his hand now contemplating all the new insults coming his way.

His third day in North park seemed to be flowing well, now hanging out with the three boys he first met really helped the attention fade away from him. But ofcourse, being part of the gang had requirements.

"I looked up your medias, fatboy and I'm quite disappointed," Stewart shaked his head in disapproval.

"What do you mean?," He asked as he munched on some chips indifferent, he loved his profile it had everything he liked, his personalized feed and pictures of his annoying friends.

"Well, it's.. too— your 'kind'," he stated thoughtful, cringing lightly.

"Yeah, if you want to be one of us, you have to start from zero," Hershey nagged, as he snapped his phone from his jacket opening his medias.

"Aye! What do you think you're doing, hippie!?," he protested, trying to grab his phone but was stopped by Jackson who only extended his arm blocking him from going any further.

"We have an image to keep clean, fatass. If anyone knew we let a stinky south parker in our group no one will take us seriously anymore," he explained.

"Might aswell clean you up from that stank your douche town left you," Stewart added as he crossed his arms now looking at his phone along with Hershey.

"But the whole school knows I'm from South Park!."

"Yeah, but we figured if we take all that stank away we could cure you from your disease," Stewart explained disinterested.

"I ain't sick you motherfucker!," he blurted out angry as he watched how the ginger typed rapidly on his phone.

"Here," Hershey gave back his phone, "now just add your details and will add you back. No south parkers, man," he pointed out seriously.

"Not even Kenny!?," he screamed baffled.

The group looked confused unknowingly and shrugged indifferent of his protests.

"I changed your password and email from your previous so you can't get in, just security majors," the ginger added before taking out his phone, "done, added."

His other friends did the exact same thing adding him back.

He sighed as he looked at his now boring empty profile, all his years worth of work being drained back down, his followers, his posts his reels. This sucked ass.

The sacrifices he has to do for keeping up a few months in this hell of a shit town.

°°°°

A week in, and he's been blending well in the north park group. He was actually enjoying his stay and was ACTUALLY learning new things.

A requirement also to be seen as part of Stewart's group was to have atleast a average 8.5 grading in each class he took! So he forcefully had to pay attention and STUDY, another was to be atleast in a club and practicing a sport. 'Why not kick me in ball while you're at it, dickwad!,' is what he blurted out as he was told, 'Shut the fuck up, lardbutt! Those are the rules. You either follow or leave your pick!,' is what he had told him.

He thought it'd be impossible but he actually managed after three deadly dreaded days. Jackson even offered to help him out studying, which he found nicely convenient, alway offering himself to go study at his place or at lunch. He was okay with it cause he figured out the boy was loaded and had the best of snacks.

'That's not how the ginger gene works, fatass!' He remembered his previous arguments, 'It so is, you dumb jehovah witness! I know, trust me I'm an expert,' he defended his theories.

Kyle was ginger, Scott and his dad we're ginger, even, and as much as he hates to admit it, he was half ginger. So he knows damn well his people, unfortunately.

It was pretty much heated like that with Jackson, he liked it though. It turned a spark in him.

"So— is that Kenny dude your boyfriend or something?," Jackson asked outta the blue as they headed to his place.

"What? Kenny!?," he said bewildered, "why would you think he'd be my boyfriend!? I ain't gay!."

"You aren't?," he asked looking now incredulous.

"No!?," 'why the fuck would he think that!?' He thought offended.

"Well, you are from South park," he shrugged in a answer.

Did they really see them as some gay faggots?

"Wait? you think I'm gay cause I'm from South Park?," he asked baffled, eyeing him up and down.

'And they called 'us' stupid.'

"Well duh, everyone from south park is gay."

"I'm not gay, asswipe."

Jackson halted, shaking his head in disappointment, "you don't have to feel embarrassed to be yourself, fatass. We are all very accepting and very opened minded," he rested his hand on his shoulder, ignoring his claims.

"That's bullshit, you guys are hypocrites, since I got here I've just been ridiculed for being born in South park," he explained somewhat not continuously contradicting his 'suspicions.'

Jackson slide his arms on his, gripping him lightly, "look, being gay is highly different than being a tp." He added, now caressing his left arm, "I always thought you were cute," he said playfully in a sultry voice.

He was left bewildered, his brain short-cirquited for brief seconds that felt like hours. Did he call him 'cute'?

Prev — Next

[broken-glass-puppet]

Helloooooooooooo, how are you doing today? (Btw love your blog ^^ It's amazing!)

Saw that you write about South Park and just really wanted to request 👏👏👏

How about the main four with a taller male reader who looks intimidating (and attractive), but is actually nice? But tho he can fight and ain't afraid to throw hands. He is a sporty guy who is into boxing. He is affectionate and caring, and he has a grunge style. ^^ (romantic)

Hope It's not too much!  😭

OMG YES, also thanks for the compliments, i appreciate it a lot

Im to lazy to write about separate

Headcanons

Kenny: orange

Stan:blue

Kyle: green

Eric:red

The main four

(TW: violence, mentioned sex, blood, homophobia)

Let's say they didn't like you too much at first, I mean yeah you look fine and you turn Heads when you walk but you look like a bully

Well that changed when you were in class, at some point Stan was having problems understanding the work so you asked if you could help him out

"find the x? The fuck? Is right there" "hey dude, you need help ?" You said in a sweet tone of voice, leaning in to see his eyes "...y-yeah sure"

The mother fucker wouldn't stop thinking about you the rest of school

"what's your problem dude, are you gay or some shit?" "You are gay too, c'mon we all know how you check out his butt during PE" "THAT'S NOT FUCKING TRUE!"

Well the most normal two are Kyle and Stan, they do get nervous and all but hey you are nice

Cartman is well...

"i identify as a horse now guys" "wtf Cartman, that's not how it works" "yo guys what are you talking about?" "Cartman identify as a horse" "what?" "Stupid right" "then I just have something to say" you took a moment "yehaw!" Hehe joke

The three are like: 🧍‍♂️

And Cartman is like: 🚶

So yeah a lots of flirting, specially with Kenny

He's the most obvious, he doesn't even try to hide it

And damn you are muscular, no you don't look like a Jojo but you have abs, a little waist and strong arms

"why you as a man have such a little waist? For us men to grab? Are you gay?" "And you as a man why do you have a mouth? To suck dick? Whore" "ew guys, go to a motel or something "

And after some days you start to get a long with them very well

You help them out when they need and you hang out with them a lot but at some point they development a crush on you

Let's say, they fell first and you fell harder

And the moment you started dating them was funny

Some idiot was making fun of Kenny and he was like "okay idgaf"

But you where super angry

"hey, stop bullying my boyfriend or else" "ow what are you going to do huh? You are just a fag, I'm Soo scared" "oh you want to see?" "Of course" and the moment after the idiot in question fell onto the floor with a bloody nose and one his friends punch you in the face leaving you with wounds but you managed to beat him up "who's the next one" silent "i figured out, c'mon Kenny, let's go"

When you get to your home, Kenny called the others and they came super fast

"WHAT WHERE YOU THINKING" yelled Kyle while healing your wounds "i don't know they just...maked me fell angry...and they were insulting Kenny and..." "Y/n i don't give a shit about what were they saying" "i know but...i don't want nobody to hurt you, or you four for that matter" "you called me your boyfriend" "i did?" "Yeah, and I don't mind it, I'm okay but I'm going to be your boyfriend fr" "heh okay " "..." "We all can be boyfriends?" "I'm not gay" "you are" "just for y/n" "then we are boyfriends"

It's a strange relationship, nothing changed to much, you still have that relationship like bros but the physical touch increase a lot, holding hands with them or just little pecks on the check

Kenny is more flirty, grabbing your butt and saying that he didn't do anything or just shoving his head onto your chest and mumbling how he loves your man boobs

And we'll yeah, Cartman is less of a dick but he sure loves you in a strange way

And Stan and Kyle they love you so much

Kenny's parents hate you, they are super homophobic (i hate his parents omg) so when he introduced you to them, they yelled at him, you just looked at them with a death glear and walked away from them

Cuddles ALL.THE.TIME GOD

[southparkhcsocs]

I know that David is just an older brother with 00000000.1 screen time but…BARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARK

Also has Eric ever met David? and how did that go…

Okay, I saw this ask a billion years ago and I wanted to draw something for it but never got round to it!!

But basically it didn't go well do Cartman.

I like to imagine my OCs/the reader as the new kid from the games and that's how they all met. (Obviously with some changes with each OC but you know)

So in this instance with Veronica and her family meeting Cartman in particular was.... Bad.... Very bad

But let's focus on David specifically. So, when David and Cartman first met everyone was still playing stick of truth. Cartman knocked on the door to Veronica's house and David answered. Cartman didn't know that Veronica had a brother and was already developing a small crush on her, unbeknownst to him. So when he saw David he was immediately jealous and blurted out "who the fuck are you?"

It all went downhill from here. A chubby little fuck at David's own door asking who he is. No. "Who the fuck are you? Coming to my house in your gay ass costume. What the hell are you meant to be?" Then continuous insults and jabs at Cartman's appearance.

Cartman wanted to ruin this guy. Destroy everything he had and loved. And then Veronica came down the stairs to see David going to fucking town on this boy she's only just met.

"David, chill out."

"Fuck no!" He hissed. "You know this tubby fucking chode."

"Yeah, he's my friend." She told her brother. Cartman's face definitely started to flush. "I'm sorry about David. He's a prick. Brothers, am I right?"

"He's your brother?" Cartman asked.

"yeah..."

The RELIEF he felt. But also the annoyance. He can't hurt her brother. Because that will hurt her. Lame.

Oh, I turned this into a little story. Lol

[immayonaise]

PLEASE CONTINUE TOXIC!!

Also I have questions! Did Eric develop ED when starting a relationship with Thomas? How did they meet? Does Thomas have a similar personality to Eric and that's how they get along? How did Eric come to terms that he's gay/ in a genuine relationship with a man? How is Kyle doing 👀??

I WILL!! (I forgot about it until last night lmao. I also draw it on paper to get an idea of what I want for the comics too, so it makes it extra long time to make)

Cartman did sorta developed a eating disorder while with Thomas, he was already insecure about his weight before and Thomas pushed him into it. Still trying to figure out what eating disorder Cartman has, since I wanna do a short lil comic about just his certain disorders and/or abuse Thomas puts him and Miss Lady through.

When Cartman first started high school Thomas was sorta drawn to him (Not in a good way). So he buttered him up and manipulated him into trusting him, saying his friends were assholes and Cartman deserved better, etc... Of course Cartman agreed with Thomas because he trusted Thomas' judgement and all Cartman probably thought was: "People who are older than you are wiser and know better." Plus Thomas got his friends to agree with him and they all sorta ganged up on Cartman, telling him whatever about his friends. Cartman stills hangs out with them, but very little since Thomas but Stan and Kenny basically hate his guts ever since Thomas. (Still kinda working on how they met, so not completely official)

I wouldn't say they have similar personalities, Cartman still has some love in that cold heart of his. Thomas on the other hand, basically has no soul left and is just pure pain on people. So in short, Thomas is a manipulative piece of shit and Cartman still hangs onto whatever little to none humanity he has left.

In my AU Cartman and Kyle were first friends in Kindergarten, Stan and Kenny basically being other kids to them at the time. Cartman had a huge crush on Kyle and Kyle had no fucking idea. So basically Stan and Kyle became friends, Kenny sorta replaced Kyle for a bit. Then Kenny introduced Cartman to Stan and the main 4 officially started after that.

Kyle is fine? Since he's the only one who knows what Thomas is doing, Thomas and him hate each other. Like if you put both of them in a room, only one of them is coming out with at least 20 years in jail for what they did. Kyle and Cartman call whenever Thomas isn't home and Cartman often rants about Thomas, he clearly wants to leave from Kyle's point of view but is just too much of a pussy to do so.

(I might make a side blog so I can have all the Toxic AU on that and people don't have to dig through all of my posts or search by the tag lol)

Toxic AU first!

[missuswalker]

Helloooooo I saw you had Red in your masterlist??? Do u think I could req friendship hcs of her👀👀 if u don’t do platonic then romantic is fine too!! thank u sm!!

yes ofccc!! i was waiting for someone to request one of the girls

also, if i don't have someone on my masterlist, you can still request them!!

friendship headcanons || red mcarthur

you and red actually met through nichole

at first you guys HATED each other

and i mean hate, like ya'll are VICIOUS

but then you guys do a car wash fundraiser together, and suddenly, you're just best friends!

you guys bonded over throwing wet towels at cartman for being a dick

there was just an instant click

red is quite fiery and chaotic when you two get together, often dragging you into new adventures

forget your pencil? you're skipping school with her to drive down to denver just to buy a new pencil (and whatever is on sale in the hello kitty store)

you guys have three handshakes and all three are very, very long

like you could be at it for a couple of minutes

begs you to try out for volleyball with her for the "aesthetic"

she's an eye makeup goddess, so expect to be practiced on

ya'll have matching "i hate dairy" shirts

even if you don't hate dairy, they're to be worn at every sleepover

speaking of sleepovers

ya'll shit talk ALL night

"did you see butters's cow onsie 😒 he totally copied us. fuck him🖕" "red, we've never even owned cow onsies" "yeah but we were thinking about it"

i know damn well she has a little crush on wendy

and talks to you about her all the time

"did you hear what wendy said monday, she's so funny 💗💗" "you like her" "no i dont, i'm not gay 😰"

is gay

is a good listener but gives shit advice

"i don't know, i just feel really guilty about hitting him with my car..." "don't be, y/n, that was so girlboss of you"

DEFENDS YOU WITH HER LIFE

"Y/N WOULD NEVER DO ANYTHING BAD, YOU NEED TO SHUT THE FUCK UP BECAUSE YOU'RE SPEWING BULLSHIT" "i have the surveillance footage of them lighting my house on fire" "IT WAS FOR A GOOD REASON"

she's so fun, you love her to death, even when she spends, like, fifteen minutes talking about how bad her dog's shit smells 💗

a/n: hey guys (in a rizzful way)

[catgirl-catboy]

I still want to hear your sexuality hc about your fav characters like an idiot

Types up small essay:

(I included some gender hcs too, since there's a lot of gender HCs that are very important to me.)

I've already mentioned some of these, but it pains me to make an incomplete list. Also, it's divided by fandom. (for fandoms you aren't in, disregard!)

These are only the ones I'm very attached to and cannot imagine the character without. No worries if you are squicked by or disagree with any of em!

One Piece:

Luffy: Canonically asexual, but I hc him specifically as sex positive. He doesn't really get the point, but would fuck you if you asked. Also NB. Man does not understand the hype around gender in the slightest.

Nami: Sex NEGATIVE asexual, and will only use sex appeal to steal your wallet.

Franky: Trans dude. If he can make himself a robot body, he can make himself a robot dick. Also he's Bi. He never mentions any of this, and is surprised that his crewmates didn't already know.

Zoro: Has legit never thought about it. He has no fucking clue what his sexuality is. He just does what he wants in the moment.

Sanji: There's a solid arguement to be made in canon that my dude is not Cis. (There's simping, and then there's getting euphoria for being in the body of your hot female friend.) I personally HC him as bigender. Also, no way is he actually into ladies.

Homestuck:

Vriska: Trans woman, transitioned super young. Will fight you if you misgender her.

Karkat: Not being able to feel certain quadrants places him on the Troll aromantic spectrum. Troll sexuality is different and my HCs should reflect that!

John: Bi, and doesn't understand that Bi isn't the default. Everyone finds their male friends attractive, that doesn't mean they want to date them! (he is wrong.)

Aradia: Lesbian in red and pitch quadrants.

Roxy: Pan, and uses she/her + Neopronouns (I'd think it/its and nya/nyas fit her vibe.)

Jade: Queer, and very open about having a crush on everyone in her friend group at one point.

The Owl House:

Willow: Trans woman. Her intro episode has so much trans subtext, what can I say!

No South Park Headcanons I'm really attached to, but practically everything but Transfem!Butters has canon backing at this point.

I actually don't headcanon Mr. Kitty as intersex because Ms. Cartman totally replaces Mr. Kitty whenever something bad happens, and that explains the inconsistencies.

Total Drama:

Bi Owen is arguably canon, if played for laughs. (I know the shows old, but yikes!)

But have you considered... closeted Bi Heather? Gives me peak "get out of my school vibes" with Gwen.

Julia seems the type to pretend to be gay on the internet for clout, then realize she actually is gay. She's horrible like that.

I know Wayne is canonically the best Ally, but Harold knows more about LGBTQ+ history than everyone else put together and will happily talk about it when asked. He has helped at least 3 people figure out the name for their sexuality.

I saw someone posting about Aroace DJ, and it has not left my brain since.

Bi Zoey! She's not open about it, due to not wanting to be the only openly queer person in her small town.

Scott is gay, but he also knows very little about sexuality. It takes him embarrassingly long to figure it out.

Jasmine is questioning her sexuality, and Sammy (I will not call her Samey, I refuse.) was her first known crush on a girl. Still love her and Shawn though.

He/they Shawn. Based off vibes.

Priya gives me "me before I realized I was into girls" vibes. I don't make the rules.

Ace Attorney:

Bi Gumshoe. If he's straight, why does he act the exact same around Edgeworth than he does his CANON crush.

Aroace Athena. I cannot imagine her having romantic feelings for anyone, I'm sorry. (Junie had a crush on her at one point though, and she was flattered.)

NB Apollo. His relationship with gender (makes contented buzzing noise!)

Demi Edgeworth: Cannot have a crush on someone without knowing them for 5 years first.

Transmasc. Maya, because gender roles in her village is pretty key to her arc, and that'd be a cool way of exploring that.

I know Bi Phoenix is the prevalent headcanon, but I am a Gay Phoenix enjoyer. His fling with Dahlia reads as Comphet to me.

Danganronpa:

Gonta's relationship with gender in canon is so ??? no way is he cis. I'm giving him the Genderqueer label, but Cisn't. I don't think he's quite figured it out though.

If I am despised for liking Bi Tenko, so be it. It makes sense with what we see of her backstory, and no way am I allowing my fave to be a stereotype.

I am a trans Chihiro enjoyer, but fuck you if you think the people that want to use Chihiro's canon pronouns are transphobic. The whole thing is stupid, and people should be able to have fun with the character without discourse

Very Openly gay, All Pronouns (including Neopronouns!) Ibuki. They lead the GSA at Hope's Peak. Ate a gender for breakfast once.

Demi Taka. Also Demi Mukuro.

Aroace Togami. Man only has an interest in sex because its expected of him, and does not enjoy when someone is sexually attracted to him.

Aroace Makoto with a million QPPs. It doesn't make sense with canon, but it is one of my favorite headcanons.

Bi Toko.

Poly Kaede.

[aily-uk]

I WANT TO TALK ABOUT SOMETHING.

The South Park fandom 😭

Honestly I am apart of it and you may consider me as "those South Park fans" since I write fanfiction about them . BUT. PLEASE LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY.

I probably won't be able to change all of your point of view but let me explain mine.

I don't not see anything wrong with minors having crushes on the sp boys . Since , who never had crushes in their lives honestly. And I also must say , aging them up and being a minor having a crush on the boys, DOESN'T MAKE IT WORSE. It litteraly could be way worse. Like a adult having a crush on one of the kids or not making them aged up for the fanfictions and stuff. Also i saw a lot of people saying that making them aged up is not a reason to simp for them... But then wouldn't you shouldn't be able to like the PC versions of them too? Since it's only the aged up version of them , yeah it might be in the show but it's still aged up.

Also the ships , i respect all ships , except the proships of course.(and Kyman) everyone has opinions about ships , but going under a Style post to say "Stendy is better" is just stupid asf.(Coming from a Stendy Shipper)

But some of the ships sometimes just don't make sense to me , and I just won't support it . No need to try and push me into liking it as well.

I also understand that some people may still find it weird that there ships of 10 years olds but there's nothing wrong , ships have always existed for every age and it has never been a real problem , and plus it's only innocent and childhood love exist. Though not everything is love , sometimes they just be friends and some people will see that a romantical love.

I also must talk about the Headcanons people make... I apologize if I offend anyone with this but some don't make sense at all.

Like Butters transitioning to Marjorine,I just cannot see Butters as a female when he is literally one of the biggest misogynistic guy in south park he might even be more than Cartman , also scene Kyle , is just kind of confusing since Kyle would NEVER be the kind of guy to be scene canonically..

Stan being a alcoholic is also a little confusing, though I understand it , but i think we all know how Stan would try to be different from his father and drink less. But I agree that it makes sense with Post Covid Stan . Kenny being gay is also very confusing , when Kenny is litterally one of the straightess character , he is shown to like woman during the whole show , so I don't understand why make him totally gay and not even bisexual or pansexual, which would be more logic. I don't have much to say about the way people Headcanon Cartman .

But for Wendy though I have a few things to say , first, some people always make her bitchy which is very very untrue she is a sweetheart and thought she gets very jealous she isn't the type to be mean to other girls her age , like shown with Lisa , she tried to help her.

Also the way some people make Tweek a small femboy bean and Craig a big bad boy 💀 when we all know that Tweek would totally beat Craig's ass whenever he wants...

Anyways I'm done with that . Love y'all and good byee

[imaginationlandtrilogy]

🏳️‍🌈 kyle and/or stan if u will!!

Just now getting to this! Thank you <3 (a little long because apparently I can't have headcanons without giving an essay in reasoning)

send me a 🏳️‍🌈 and a character name and ill share my gender/sexuality headcanon for them

Kyle: There's no way Kyle is cishet. I refuse to believe it. Throughout the series, he's always been shown to be different from the others in his self presentation, his way of thinking... etc. I'm not going to look further for more episodes proving this, as this is just at the top of my head, but the two that come into my mind first are "South Park is Gay" (S7E8) where Kyle is shown as the only kid who's not metrosexual, the joke being an obvious satirical swap on how queer children are treated in school. I think people can choose to interpret this how they'd like, but given how much Kyle is shown to be different from others, I'd like to believe it's evident of some sort of deviation from a heteronormative world (although I would assume he's more comfortable with masculinity than not). The second is one I never see being brought up, "Miss Teacher Bangs a Boy" (S10E10) in only the women and Kyle being able to understand the immorality of Ike's situation. The episode was meant to convey the generalized thought process of men versus women, men constantly responding "nice" throughout the episode, while only women were able to see how wrong it is. Cartman, Kenny, and even Stan seemed impressed with Ike, while Kyle was the only boy concerned. This is proof of his thoughts deviating from the norm, and in this episode specifically tying into Kyle and gender interpretation.

That being said, I want to say that Kyle wouldn't align with either being a man or a woman - he would be somewhere in-between, or perhaps not there at all! Kyle is the type of person to take pride in his individuality (even if he does succumb to peer pressure at times) and stick to what he believes is true, so I see his gender identity being on its own, something like being agender. I myself am agender, so perhaps I'm projecting with my own relation to his personality, but I believe he wouldn't feel as if he'd even fit on the spectrum of gender, but not feeling like he has one at all - he's just Kyle! I'm answering more than I need to here, but I think... with Kyle, he feels more comfortable having a direct answer (black and white), so he'd flip-flop to different genders/sexualities so much until he found the right one! He's not content with just knowing he doesn't align with the heteronorm, he needs to know exactly what he feels, exactly what is defined... exactly who he is. I think he would just stick with he/him pronouns, as it's what he grew up with and what he's used to, so he doesn't mind it! He tried out they/them, but just couldn't vibe with it. So agender Kyle using he/him pronouns (who still prefers to appear masculine than anything else).

I'm projecting again. Asexual Kyle. I can just feel it. Kyle's always been one to focus on the emotional aspect of a relationship more than the physical, such as in "Butters' Bottom Bitch" (S13E9), when he emphasizes how important it is to make sure your first kiss is with someone special. It just can't be with anyone! Actually, with this, I want to attach the demisexual label to Kyle. He's definitely some branch of asexual, though. As for romantic attraction... I see Kyle as being gay. I don't know, just... the crush he had in the early seasons with Rebecca seemed like the type of crush that he only had because heteroromanticism is so engraved in society. I know that lots of people, myself included, have had crushes on the opposite sex as a child only to realize later that it was only because you felt like it was expected of you. You were only acting out what you learned in a heteronormative society. His later crushes when he developed more as a character, however... I do not believe he felt romantic attraction to either Nichole or Heidi. With Nichole, he showed no interest in her until he found out that she liked him. With Heidi, he didn't show interest in her until the girls told him he did. With both of these girls, he didn't just like them on his own - he had to have some event happen first, then he came to the conclusion that he liked them. It's kind of like what I said with Rebecca. (As for Leslie, I felt a lack of connection with the storyline, so unfortunately, I wouldn't feel confident discussing it - I'm leaving her out here.)

Stan: He/they. Remember how I said with Kyle that he would want to know exactly what his identity is because that's the type of person he is? Stan's the opposite. I think at first, Stan kind of has a little gender crisis ("The Cissy" [S18E3]), and, similarly to Kyle, he gets hung up over that, but instead of it being tied to identity, it's the emotional journey of that, if that makes sense. It's the fact that they're learning something new about themselves, finding a whole new part of their identity that they didn't know. Stan's desperate to find out who he is, really, and it takes a bit - it's a rough journey, but I think once they figure that out and feel comfortable and adjusted with this discovery, the label of "queer" would work out just fine. He was never able to figure out exactly what he was, but I think the emotional journey that they would've went on would make that okay. To Stan, it's not the idea of those labels, but the emotional journey of self-discovery. It may flip-flop at times, but I think Stan would like to use the label of "queer". Compared to Kyle, Stan's identity would be more important to him, more rooted in heart because that's just the type of person Stan is - he's very sentimental with things.

As for sexuality, Stan is bisexual. It just fits. I think Stan would have an easier time figuring out their bisexuality than gender. First came the gender, and that really did make it easier to come to terms with being bisexual. Again, it's the emotional journey that really helped things more than anything. And he would definitely be the type of person to wear little pride pins, like, a little bisexual flag on the cap to his work uniform or something. The idea of not being cisgender and straight would be uncomfortable at first, as I feel Stan would be afraid of what people thought of them, but over time, he really would come to love and be comfortable with who he is. A long journey, nevertheless, but there will be an end.

[6ftkyle]

Kyle? For the ask game

fffinally doing this ask game :3 i didnt forget, ive just been having a real Time lately.

1: sexuality headcanon gay! homosexual! every fleeting interest he's ever had in a girl has been comphet! im usually pretty flexible on sexuality headcanons but this one is like. phew. that is a homosexual.

2: otp its so so so hard for me to choose between k2 and kyman as my kyle otp. ive been into k2 for so much longer, but there's not nearly as much content for it, so kyman is on the brain constantly.

3: brotp stan and kyle. i really and truly love their friendship so much, i think they're bizarrely codependent besties who can hardly make a single choice in life without filtering it through each other and bickering about it.

4: notp also style i think. not that i outright hate it, i just cant get invested in it as a romance, really. mal reminded me kybecca exists so im gonna say that actually, sowwy

5: first headcanon that pops into my head i like to think he's a lil bit colorblind, as a personal coping mechanism for how clashy his ugly lil outfit is. he can't see how bad it is, it's a nice lil fall color combo to him.

6: favorite line from this character "I'm nine years old, and I have a hemorrhoid, Stan. I have a hemorrhoid, and Cartman has his own theme park." i am never not thinkin about this one, fellas

7: one way in which I relate to this character :^ ) well. theres a whole lot of ways but im gonna go with the fact that the age gap between him and ike is about the same as the age gap between me and and my brother. his relationship with his foul mouthed gamer little brother reminds me of my relationship with my own foul mouthed gamer little brother a lot of the time

8: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character uhhh i think the whole crushing on heidi arc. embarrassinggggggg

9: cinnamon roll or problematic fave? problematic fave, its south park, theyre all problematic faves

[bloogers-boogers]

Kyle Broflovski/ Eric Cartman (SP fic)

('What's up with the fatass?')

/Let me slide into your mind/ part 4

'Technically, I'm not gay if I'm testing, right?'

Slight warning ⚠️ this fic is kinda deranged and would probably (will) be outta the ordinary, wacky in a sense but also trauma? Maybe, idk could be? Mmhh..

~~~~~~~

He was stoked by the confession, couldn't even manage to bare a retort back with some snarky comment. A brief silence, a light breeze brushing their way.

He looked at Jackson's green eyes, as the sunset reflected on them. Making this all feel even more like a fever dream.

He chuckled nervously, not sure if the feeling he felt was flattery or uneasiness.

How the hell is he gonna get out of this?

On one hand, Jackson was Stewart's best friend: who is seemingly the leader; he was also a very important part of their friend group and they wouldn't bat an eye to trow him out to the gutter over Jackson.

So if he were to reject Jackson now, would that demolished all opportunity to still be friends? Would they kick him out? Would they target him again?

It's not like it's his fault that Jackson was some gaywad and was madly in love with him, but they will definitely side with nerd geek over his coolness.

On the other hand, he also sorta liked Jackson? Not in the gay way ofcourse, but he's warming up to him. Also, Jackson was the first to talk to him and even somewhat got along when he first arrived in this damn town.

He's been nice, a little hot headed but he is also kinda into that aswell, helping him with studying, oddly enough they do get along and they also share a certain type of humor aswell!

It'd be a pity if he ruined a possible great ally over some dumb crush. Besides, he's fucking rich.

And he doesn't make a big fuss over him taking over and picking what they'll watch on Netflix in his big flat tv unlike Tolkien.

He was finding it quite difficult to pick what to do, it's not like Jackson was bad looking.. not the type you'd be horrified by even the thought of holding his hand type of way. He in fact is quite attractive for a guy, no homo, but he COULD endure being in a relationship with him if it were necessary..

".. y-you can't be serious are you?" He mustered out, expecting to be contradicted and be told it was just a fucked up joke.

Jackson hold on to his hands making him eye him weirdly, his mouth flattened, "I've never been this serious in my entire life, Eric."

The way he said it made it all seem like some kdrama rom-com, his eyes landed on to his lips then back to Jackson's eyes feeling nauseous.

This was.. different.

His heartbeat pounded recklessly, as he felt his eyes squinted shut, maybe expecting something more unintentionally leaning forward.

But the entire mood was interrupted by two other obnoxious boys.

"Goddammit, took you long enough!" Stewart shouted, as he walked towards them alongside Hershey who brushed some leaves off him coming from behind a tree.

"You guys ruined the mood, assholes," Jackson groaned annoyed, rolling his eyes and letting go from one hand still latching on to the other.

"A confession shouldn't take that long," Stewart complained, as he shoved his hands inside his pants.

"Yeah, it's been like two weeks and dog park hadn't gotten the hint at all," Hershey huffed as if he was the one desperate for it to be over.

"I would've made him my bitch by now if I were you," Stewart kept on rambling, "like, it's not hard to say 'I like you, be mine' or some shit like that."

"You lack skill," Hershey joined in the mutual bashing on their friend's timing.

He felt himself small, looking at the three as they banter like if he had actually said yes to Jackson's confession, as he had no other choice but to be his—

"Wait, you said this been going on for awhile?," he mustered out confused, it wasn't long since he's got there.

"Ha, you blind fuck. I guess southies lack attention skills too? Ofcourse it was. Why would you think we'd even let you in our friend group to begin with?" Stewart commented casually but was nudged lightly from Jackson as a 'that's enough' kinda way, earning a eye roll from the redhead as a response, "you've gone soft," he mustered.

He felt like he wanted the ground to swallow him, that only means one thing. Saying 'no' will be his dismay, he'll be cast aside if he were to reject Jackson.

He bit his lip, contemplating the situation he's put in. He hangs out with Jamie but that wouldn't be enough to not be targeted, and he doubted the brunette would even care if he were.

Unlike with these assholes he felt a sense of security, a place he can run off to and shield himself from being a tp loser.

"Jackson approached you with all intention to fuck you, he saw you walking near our neighborhood while we were skateboarding looking like you were about to pass out and in his eyes you were the most—," Hershey teased deviously, before being nudged angrily by the blonde.

"Okay, guys that's enough," he blurted out embarrassed, putting his attention on his own quietness.

"He's into bigger boys," Stewart added with a wicked grin, now Jackson shoved him aside as he snickered and ruffled his blonde locks playfully.

"So you two going out now or what?," Hershey then spoke after a brief silence and some rough play from both best friends.

He couldn't help himself feel flustered, if his actual friends were there they'd bash on him for being a complete gaywad or even saying something remotely gay. Which is why he retrained himself by doing many things like; karaoke or dressing himself up and dancing with cut out celebrities he liked, makeup, tea parties or gushing over stuff animals, painting his nails and trying out his mother's heels..

Not that he's gay, but he genuinely did enjoy those things.

But these dumbasses? They don't seem to care at all.. they even expected him to act a little gay...

"Maybe.." he blurted out, startling Jackson who looked his way with sparkling eyes and blushed face.

Okay, he was kinda cute.

°°°°

So it's official, he's now dating Jackson Hu. You may ask, what're the benefits of being the blonde's boyfriend?

They're plenty, in a matter of fact. There wasn't even a single student that had said anything negative his way or any tp comments. On the contrary, he's been making a lot of new friends!

They actually approached him with all intention of wanting to befriend him and hang out. Unlike with the southies they always nagged and nagged that he was some burden they couldn't just get rid off.. and as much as that shit did kinda hurt him, he wouldn't deny he hated them aswell!

These north parkers had made him somewhat feel welcome even if they started with a rough start. They invite him to parties, games and do shit together! Yes, they were common bashing and naming, but that's just typical kids behavior.

They treated him like an actual friend than some pest. And are even very openly affectionate to each other, unlike with his old gang that type of affection was mostly excluded from him and exclusively just a 'bff' thing only the gay bitches of Stan and Kyle had, and sometimes Kenny.

Ofcourse Kenny has time in time proven to him that he does care and he doesn't mind being all open for a hug from Eric Cartman, compared to Hippie dick and Jersey jew that would immediately make an assumption that he was scheming some shit or they'll just stand awkwardly not daring to do something back.

They weren't very opened with hugs or hand holding when it came to the three, not that he couldn't say the same, by that point it was just too weird and kinda an anomaly. He felt he had a whole different thing going on between his dynamic with Stan and Kyle, contrast with Butters and Kenny.

He could be freely emotionally himself with the blondes but with the 'super best friends'? He just couldn't, it was always a hesitating thought and just searching for a opportunity to do so.

He could count the times they had hugged with all intention to do it, with his fingers.

They weren't as evenly close as he'd would like..

But the kids from North park, his now gang. They're so— chill, and cool. And never excluded anyone from giving some love, maybe because they kinda acted like hippies? Even though they claimed just being liberals or some pretentious shit like that.

He could hug Stewart who is the most jock douche of the group outta nowhere and he wouldn't even bat an eye! He'll hug him back or pat him lightly like an actual bro.

Not that he's touched starved ofcourse but..

It actually feels nice.

Other of the good perks of being Jackson's boyfriend, is that he feels more freeing on being more himself in a sense?

He can do things he'd normally think pussies would do, being reassured by his friends and boyfriend that the things he liked didn't defined his sexuality and all that lame opened minded shit.

He loved it, he also liked how Jackson looks at him, and call him by pet names.. even the pecks on his cheek before entering class or being walked home. It made him feel fuzzy and funny..

Also, being completely loaded he buys him stuff! Shoes and sometimes even dresses cause he somehow found out he liked drag!

And his friends, they are willing to try things his southie friends would call him lame for! They even gone to a karaoke and sang together.

But not only that has changed, but he's feeling a little different since his move. The town really is making him shift in to some.. he couldn't recall what, but he feels he could change for the better being.

He also noticed a huge change on his mom too!

She turned PC not long ago.. he wasn't entirely sure what started it but she did mentioned she turned a member at work and that she'd be a better mom from now on, the typical shit he's already use to hearing from her emotional outburst or when she's drunk.

But he's noticed she has kinda kept her word for it, the other day he mentioned about feeling a little insecure about his weight now that he had a boyfriend and all, she actually talked to him like them parents he'd see on TV 'tell me more, I'd like to be of help' 'you know you're perfect in every way, you don't have to change who you are for anyone' 'if he doesn't like the way you are then he isn't for you' 'I think you should try doing a diet if that makes you feel any better but you really are beautiful, poopsikins' giving him actual advice instead of running away!? Actually listening to him instead of distracting him with toys and food.

They also been getting along better and they talk more, his mom even admitted to him that she's been feeling lonely for years now and that loneliness just drove her into making him her only friend and she now realized how bad that truly is for his development. He even admitted how much it affected him to not actually have a father figure in his life, the absence and hollowness it felt everytime he saw his friends bond with their dads. And it was all just emotional and heartwarming moment between the two. A bunch of sobbing and apologetic promises that he wasn't sure they'll actually commit.

Maybe they could fix things out or maybe not? Only time will decide.

He layyed on his bed recalling his mother's words once more, feeling a tight feeling in his chest, hiding under the covers with a soft smile.

North park kinda rules.

°°°°

He was panicking, Jackson had stolen him a quick kiss on the lips. It was a small brush but he felt like he was swooning, being swooped up in the air by his strong arms as he carried him bridal style to the nursery cause he clumsily sprained his ankle in p.e class.

"How you're feeling, babe?" He asked softly, while he couldn't help but look at him dreamily.

"Good.." he mustered with a dumbfounded smile, gripping on to his shirt, butterflies popped inside his stomach. And with out further hesitation he place his hands on his cheeks and made him leaned forward, planting a passionate kiss, wrapping his arms around his neck as he felt Jackson deepening it before breaking it off.

Still inches apart, "Goddamn that was amazing.." he mustered out dumbfounded, eyeing him soft, "maybe I should carry you often if that makes you want to kiss me like that more," he admitted with a cheeky grin, nuzzling his nose against his.

"Maybe you should..?" He teasingly said, eyeing him playful before planting a small peck on his lips.

In a blink of an eye, after a couple of days

They were found making out furiously in the living room couch of his mansion. He couldn't help himself, he was feeling deluded by all of things Jackson did to him, he wanted to be touched, kissed, the pleasure it gave him when he'd grabbed his waist and pulled him closer. It was amazing.

'Technically, I'm not gay if I'm testing, right?'

He gripped on the blonde's t-shirt, making him mumbled a couple of 'mmph' before being sunk in deeper on to the couch, hearing him whisper sweet nothings to him as a voice echoed the room, snapping him out of him.

"Cartman~" Jackson kept murmuring his name against his neck, but not with his usual voice, it was..

He pushed him away with his hands against his boyfriend's chest slightly, as his eyes widen in contemplated horror.

"Kyle?"

Kyle found himself on top of him looking at him with a devilish smile, before grinning wide like a triumphant.

"AHHH!!!" He screamed like a chick that was about to get murder in some classic 90s horror movie, pushing him off from his lap as he rested his weight on his elbow still eyeing the boy.

Now vision getting clearer, as a concerned Jackson looked his way.

"Babe are you alright? Who the fuck is Kyle?" He asked, standing up; as he had fallen to the floor by being pushed so abruptly.

He panted heavily, still grasping some air as he clenched hard on to his chest, this shit is gonna give him a heart attack.

"Is this because you miss your old town? Is that it?" Jackson still continued to asked worrisome, before biting his lip as he contemplated something looking at the floor.

"Y-yeah.." he managed to mustered, still, the scare was still haunting him.

Jackson look at him with pitying eyes, "do you want.. I can give you your password, maybe that'll make you feel better? Only if you promise me you would be discreet about it?" He tried reassuring, approaching cautiously and sitting far in the other end of the couch.

"U-huh, that'd be awesome, thanks.." squinting his eyes shut and nodding fanatically, he took this as a good opportunity to talk with Kenny, he hasn't been able to contact him in so long.

He gulped hard, sweat falling drastically as if a bucket of water had been splashed on his face, now looking at Jackson's eyes, feeling himself get calmer with each passing second.

Being back home, he let out a long tiresome sigh, the episode from early still was eating him at whole, he needed to calm down or he could mess things up with Jackson.

He grabbed his laptop and typed in the password and email Jackson gave him.

And lord and behold, he was now online.

Another thing he had to do was change his number, as people there would recognized immediately the area code of South Park. Bad thing about it, is that his now friends erased all his contacts excluding his mom and family (cousin and uncle's) luckily for him, he did manage to slip out saying Butters was a cousin when he notice his friends doings.

Finally back on his old account '@ EricCart_brah' he looked for Kenny's active status, he knew by this hour he'd be back home and scrolling endlessly on his phone ignoring his parents common arguments.

Kenny Mccormick online•

He bit his lip, he knew Kenny would demand answers because he's clearly been 'ignoring' him, which is why he told Butters to calm Kenny's tits down and tell him that he was just really busy, which wasn't far from the truth. In reality he was busy, being a North Parker wasn't easy you know!

'Sup poor boy' common, not too desperate, and quick to the point.

He waited a couple of dreaded seconds, as he looked at his screen. Kenny was taking his damn sweet time to read his message, longer than usual, oh, he must really be pissed. It was definitely on purpose cause Kenny would immediately reply back to him once receiving a message while being actively online the only times he wouldn't answer back immediately was when he was doing his shifts or walking Karen home from school.

It was their best friend thing to always prioritize their messages over anyone else's, they kinda agreed on doing it out of spite because Stan and Kyle once ignored them on the group chat a couple of years ago sliding into a roblox server with out them. Fucking dicks. They still couldn't somehow let that go.

After a minute, he finally read it, but it was left on seen. He frowned, 'Goddammit, kinny,' he thought.

'Typing...'

Those three minutes were torturous coming from Kenny.

Meanwhile he waited for Kenny to stop bitchin' with him, he scrolled through his inbox, he had two unread messages from Kyle and one from Stan, ofcourse he didn't bother answering so he left them unread, they're bitches anyways, and because they were very old messages too, like a day after his move and Stan's was at 3:00 am pretty much while he was still on the road to get to North park. But there was also messages from both Clyde and Craig, these weren't entirely far apart from the day he left south park but he was curious.

'Hey, fatboy, pleaseeeee come back I beg you🙏🏼' that was pretty much it with Clyde, sometimes he wondered if that dude was okay from the head, cause damn what gives?

And Craig's was just a '🖕🏼' he rolled his eyes, hoe.

*Ding*

About fucking time.

'Took you long, u got bored of your little north dickers?'

He snickered, now HE got his sense of humor.

'C'mon, Butt's didn't gave u mah mezzage?'

'He did'

'Okay, so Y u bitchin at me?'

'What's with the new account? Embarrassed by your people, fatboy?'

'Iz da it? U worried I forgot about u?'

'Seen'

Goddammit, 'I would never, asshole 🙄 yk I've been buzy with my move'

'Why r u writing with typos? I saw u got nice grammar in ur dumb np page'

'U stalkin me?'

'Yes, what're u gonna do about it? Send me a grenade via inbox?'

"Hahahaha!" He laughed out loud by Kenny's ridiculous shit talk, how he missed that.

'Don't be an ass🤣'

'Your so dumb...'

'*you're' he couldn't help but slapped himself in the head, what was all that about? Why did he correct that shit, he's acting like the dumb jew now.

'Sure, bitch. Okay, so how's it been?' Atleast Kenny seemed to shrugged it off easily, neither did he seemed angry anymore.

'Itz been good but itz lame ass fuck, wbu anything going on over there?'

'Not really, everything seems to mellow out since ur fat ass left town'

'Aye! Stfu!'

'It's true tho, everything is as boring like when we took that hunting bunny exhibit'

'Ugggh don't remind me🥱'

'Man, when would u come visit? Or is it like a temporary thing? C'mon tell me *dick sticker*'

'Not sure tbh, just hang in there got things handled from a tea just u wait👌🏼'

'This is my new number btw (+1)***-***-**** don't give it to those assholes of Stan and Kyeeel'

Kenballz added (+1) ***-***-**** to his contacts.

'U still angry at them for the party?'

'Nah... just want to be a dick to them thatz all'

'Fair'

'Gotta go, ttyl?'

'Sure'

He sighed exhausted sliding out from Kenny's dms, looking at the hour an it was just 2 am. Maybe he should give a peek at the hippie's message?

Stan Marsh offline• 25 min ago

'Hey, Cartman. Sorry about earlier, yk me and Kyle didn't mean to actually just not give a damn about you..

I kinda really feel bad about it rn.. hope you can forgive me? Even so, I wish you luck with the move. Ik how difficult it is to adjust to the changes but Ik you'll manage better than I ever did:)'

Way to make it gay Stan, he sighed, getting off from the couch and heading to his room in a slouch. In all honesty, he really wasn't angry at them, he kinda actually expected them to act like dicks? But still, something about Kyle just pissed him off, but being angry at Stan was very hard to do. He was so emotional and for some reason he pity him for it.

Maybe that's why he had a weak heart for Stan.

He layyed down reluctantly, opening his laptop once more, might aswell look at kyel's, or curiosity will get the best of him.

Kyle Broflovski offline• 2 hrs ago

'Hey fatass'

'Fuck u then'

Well, that was short and quick. He huffed throwing his laptop to his side, covering himself with his blanket kinda pissed off and dozing off to sleep.

°°°°

"Damn, theres a lot of people in your town," He said in a 'awe' looking at the crowd of people surrounding the mayor hall.

"Our town now, fatboy," Stewart added, wrapping a arm around his neck.

He blushed, they're very welcoming and friendly to him for some reason all of a sudden. Maybe he's been doing so damn good so far, his act has already went beyond the limits of fantastic, cause it seem his tp vibes weren't as strong as when he first arrived. He smiled accomplished.

Jackson eyed him from his side with a small wink.

He beamed even harder, he felt his cheeks stiffened by how much he was smiling that day.

He wrapped his arms around Stewart's waist resting his head against him while seeing the mayor walked towards the microphone.

"It's a nice evening today for our beautiful town," He began, it was an old man probably in his mid fifties, grey hair and had one of those fancy suits on.

"Today we've managed to make a great accomplishment, being at a rate of 55% of popularity," the man beamed proudly at the crowd.

The crowd roared cheerful, he even heard his friends shout '¡fuck yeah!'

He honestly didn't quite understand about the popularity ratings that was going on between states, but he honestly cared less it wasn't his problem.

"If we keep our rating up, will be in the 90% in lesser than a month," the man fist upwards to the air, "but that's not all, we've been given news that were offered for a possible show next fall!"

Everyone gasped, and he was left confused, just arching a brow.

'Who'd want to watch a show about some dumb town?,' he couldn't help but think about how lame that was, but said nothing. His friends seemed to be stoked about the idea.

Maybe that was his southie side speaking in him.

"Now moving that aside, time for the announcement for the winner of next judge for this yearly cat costume competition!" The man exclaimed, causing some of the people watched eagerly as the mayor took out a small piece of paper from the box to announce the winner.

"And the winner for this yearly competition is— Eric cartman?"

The people gasped as they all eyed him, even he was left bewildered.

He didn't recall ever written his name in that slip.

"It's the southie" he heard a man whispered, and a couple of others murmured.

But later roared cheerfully as they boost him upwards with their hands dragging him still dumbfounded to the stage.

"Go, Eric!" He heard his boyfriend screamed from afar, as he stepped on the stage, seemingly still confused.

He smiled awkwardly as he approached the mayor.

"Seems the town picked you for the role, it was just destined to happen," The man stated before gesturing the crowd to applaud.

He gulped seeing all those people cheering for him, it really boosted his ego and pride.

All the admiration he craved is now becoming overwhelming in a matter of seconds, the fact he just doesn't know, unaware of what's not knowledgeable maybe that's why he felt that hidden unease squeezing feeling inside his stomach.

After all that, he walked down stage and was greeted once more by his boyfriend who hugged him tightly.

"Congrats, baby nuts."

"I- I really don't know how my name got there?"

"Who cares? You got such an honorable role being from Shart Park," Stewart chimed in, approaching them with Hershey by his side.

"I suppose.. but I really don't know my role or anything?"

"Don't worry about it, we'll tell you everthing you need to know for the big day," Hershey added with a grin, "btw, Jacky your parents were looking for you just now."

Jackson groaned, "no fucking way, seriously? My god.."

"What's wrong, babe?" He eyed him curiously.

"It's- it's nothing, Eric," he shrugged giving a look at Stewart.

How fucking weird, he hated being excluded from shit.

Another day ended, and by that point and on he learned that this cat festival was a honoring tradition, the competition however was just as important than the actual festival itself so it was necessary to not mess it up or his reputation will go down the line. He did wonder why the hell they'd pick him for it, but it was way too beneficial to bail out from, he also liked that he was being recognized more by his name than by the town he was born in.

He looked through his clothing finding a perfect outfit for the evening, ignoring the voices from his head, the constant whispers and the small curses against him. Kyle's voice resonated in him like a damn devil, a curse yearning to release it's dangerous magic on him.

He wasn't sure why Kyle out of all people would be the one to haunt him. Okay, now that he thinks about it, he may be certain of why.

Ofcourse Kyle would be capable of doing that! He has always been envious of his luck and awesomeness, who wouldn't want to curse him more than Kyle ever did?

'Eric~'

"Shut the fuck up, kahal!" He screamed out, covering his ears.

'C'mon, Eric don't be such a wuss'

"I'm no wuss!"

'Ofcourse you are, fat boy'

"Aye! I ain't fat you dumb jew!"

'Don't belittle my people, fatass!'

"So stop using your dumb magic on me, and leave me alone!"

'Never, you're a traitor. A imposter'

"What're you talking about?""

'You really think these north pussies give a fuck about you? You're just a southie for them-'

"That's not true I'm changing!"

'No, you can never change. You got it in your blood, Eric. You'll be for ever be a bigoted south park faggot–'

"¡Shut up!" He hissed out, everything went silent and he no longer heard Kyle, "¡shut the fuck up!" He kept on whining while squinting his eyes shut, trying to shut all the demons out, falling on his knees now gripping on to his hair.

It was night time, meaning the beginning of the festival has now started, Jackson picked him up walking from hand to hand to the center of town. He visualize all the cute cats everywhere. He couldn't help but feel a pit in his stomach thinking about Mr kitty.

He still can't believe his mother forgot to bring Mr kitty! But he shouldn't have trust her knowing damn well she took some crack beforehand.

His cat would've been the cutest among all, sadly she would not be able to participate in such wonderful event.

'Maybe if you actually stayed in south park instead of moving your ass over here. You wouldn't be struggling about your cat, fatass'

"Quit it, Kahal! Not now" he hissed in a whisper as he side eyed his boyfriend who was seemingly distracted by some decorations.

Ofcourse Kyle wouldn't let him enjoy his night, his gonna follow him until he fucks up something.

'Don't blame me, this place sucks ass'

"It does not!"

'It does too'

"Nuh-uh!"

"Eric, are you alright?" Jackson snapped him out of it, now looking at his direction.

"Yeah baby, ofcourse I am!" He exclaimed nervously, "how about you show me those kitten mittens you told me about the other day?"

"Oh! Fuck yeah, dude!" Jackson beamed excited, before dragging him to somewhere else.

'How rude, bluntly ignores my presence'

"Shut up, Kahal. I don't want him to hear you!"

'Mhm, I don't see why you're so damn in to him, I'm soooo much interesting than him and you don't seem to like me like that?'

"Cause you're a stupid jew, that's why!"

'So you admit you're a gaywad?'

"Fuck off, dude." He shoved away with his free hand next to his face, as he were capable to shoo Kyle's annoying voice from him.

"Ms Ellen has always had the best of mittens," Jackson spoke, approaching a small stand letting go now from his hand as he gestured all the colorful mittens.

'*cough* gay *cough* *cough* what a gaywad'

"Tsch, quiet!" He sneered in a whisper, before continuously to eye Jackson in an awe.

He's so cute, he felt his eyelids fall slightly feeling that fuzzy feeling once more in his stomach. Now he wondered how he scored such a wonderful boyfriend with zero efforts!

'Stop looking at him like that, your eyes are gonna fall'

"Don't tell me what to do, Kyel," he mustered out while smiling dumbly, seeing how Jackson seemingly spoke as his blonde locks move in such a memorizing slow way.

'I'll give it two weeks max'

He heard that last bit but decided to ignore it, he is planning to enjoy his night with Jackson and succeed as a great judge.

Everything seemed to be going smoothly, he and Jackson had played many of the games there. It was just the two of them that night as both Hershey and Stewart we're doing their own thing with their girlfriends, so it'd made sense for he and Jackson to do the same.

"You know.. I'm glad you're here," Jackson said out of the blue, grabbing his attention.

"Yeah? Why?" He asked munching on a corndog.

"Well, normally I'd be alone in these type of things cause those assholes are always latching like slugs to their girlfriends and shit," he said, obviously referring to the guys, smirking slyly, "now I can do the same with out feeling envious of their own love life, let's be slugs together, baby nuts"

His heart skipped a beat, he smiled warmly.

Jackson approached him, a step forward planting a kiss on his cheek he instinctively closed his eyes not wanting for it to end.

'Dumbass, he doesn't like you. He likes that he's no longer the only gay one in town'

He frowned, as he opened his eyes once more softening seeing Jackson look his way in such a lovingly way.

He hold on to his hand, "don't worry, baby. I love you," he reassured more to himself than to his boyfriend.

Ofcourse he loves Jackson, why else would he feel this immense feeling inside his chest. He's a great friend not that he 'like-like' him like that, he's just so awesome and amazing to ignore, he stands up in the crowd, he's different.

'You're confused. You don't like him, you like feeling praised'

He moved his head frantically, dragging Jackson by the arm leading him to the apple bucket game where men surrounded it cheering for the next loser to grab a red apple among the greens while blindfolded.

'You can run all you want, but you know I'm right, fatass'

"We should try it out," he ignored the echoing voice against his ears.

"Sure, did I ever mentioned you I was stated 1st place state champion of apple bobbing?"

"Really?" He looked at him surprised, Jackson winked at him placing himself in line.

'Gay'

He scoffed, "grow up, Kahal. It's sooo 80s of you to be so close minded," commenting that as he stood next to Jackson sharing him a toothy smile.

'Ugh, you two gross me out'

'Why don't you set the bucket on fire? Wouldn't it be fun if you put gasoline inside and let the next player get it? Hahaha!'

He shook his head, "no, kahal, that's awful," whispering annoyed.

'You use to do it all the time with Butters and Kenny. What's the big deal now? Afraid your pussie friends can't deal with some actual fun?'

He gritted his teeth, clenching his free hand, eyeing the next player who was a blonde girl with two big ponytails.

'Dude, wouldn't it be awesome if we do one destiny final on her? Her hair is perfect to get-'

"No, it wouldn't be 'awsome', get over it" he stated still looking at the crowd.

'Man, what's happened to you'

He bit his lip to that, in all honesty he really thought it'd be funny to see the blonde chick be dragged by a horse because her hair was tangled and tied up on it's leash.

But that wasn't a North park way to think.

'But you're not from north park'

"Tsch, what did I tell you about reading my mind Kyel!," he blurted out, flinching once he noticed he screamed too loud causing a few people to look at him weird and Jackson to eye him carefully, "you're invading my privacy," he murmured in between teeth

'You do it all the time! Don't be such an hypocrite. You don't even know what personal space is'

"I feel like I've already said this many times, but are you alright, babe? You're acting like a little pyscho."

'Cause he is. Are you blind?'

"I'm fine, babe. Just ignore it." He shrugged now getting ready to play next.

"Ignore what?"

The game went on an he managed to witness the competitive spirit Jackson had, he was rabid to win a stubbornness no one can wear him off from, ruthless almost murderous over some dumb apples noneless!

'Pst, you never seem to care when I do it?'

"Shut up, kahal. It's different, my baby is gonna get hurt," he looked at the bloody looking hound who was glaring daggers at some big chunk of a man with a cool looking beard holding on to a couple of apples in his mouth, probably five.

No longer had their blindfolds on as they circled around each other as if they were about to go in combat. Jackson had three apples, making his cheeks look all puffed up like a angry squirrel. He would laugh by the adorable display but there were other more important matters in hands.

"Hon, why don't we just truce this and-?"

Everyone gasped, going all silent, before the beard dude spit out the apples from his mouth in a bursting laugh.

"Hahahahah! Awe, how cute. Oh southies and their stupidity, your tp boyfriend is such a loser! Ofcourse, you should definitely listen and be the typical whipped ass licking moron you are and ask for a small cease-fire?"

Jackson eyed the man up and down in a threatening manner silently warning him

"South- Park- ies" The man tilted his head with each pronouncing words, grinning confidently.

"Oooohhhh" everyone blurted out in a shared shocking response, as it was indeed a low blow to be called a south parker, a disgusting insult that's worse than being thrown actual feces in someone's face.

Jackson spit the apples he had out of his mouth and straight up lounge himself towards the man.

"TAKE THAT BACK!" Screamed back, punching and yanking the man's beard off.

"Goddamn," he whispered in disbelief.

'Guess your boyfriend is also kinda a little cookoo himself'

He watched bewildered by the intensity of the street fight being unfold, as people cheered like wild animals. He even notice his other friends were already there in the pile of people cheering Jackson on.

This reminded him of the time when Kyle force him to ride a bull for some dumb Terrance and Phillip dolls, he was damn determined to win them he didn't even care that he was a vietnamese prostitute for the temporary being signing him up for the bull ride contest not caring he was drop off by Leonardo dicaprio the next day from who knows what of a night.

That was some immense determinant stubbornness and a whole lot of obsessive competitive spirit.

'In my defense, I really wanted those dolls and you wasted all the damn money'

"Whatever, Kahal," He whispered with not much enthusiasm, looking at the blonde boy smirking confidently as he stood up like he had won some boxing match.

Jackson approached him smiling warming, placing a small kiss on his lips.

"Told you I was number one champion."

'I don't think that's how you play bobbing apples'

"Sorry he call you that, baby," he added lastly before hugging him 'comforting'.

'What's there to be sorry about? You are from South park'

He corresponded back, "thanks, babe," reassuring with a small hum, smiling lightly.

'Stop acting like you aren't, asshole'

°°°°

Being judge wasn't the difficult part is was the people who'd glare menacingly, who'd watch carefully and cautious as other competitors would look like pray, atleast those that seem so gullible that'll easily cease on losing which was rare cause north park; the ones from blood, conceived from the womb of a north park mother will never bail out until they give their last breathe those that were from other states however would budge in one or a couple of rounds depending on how far long they've lived in the town. Yes, rounds.

What he figured out about this whole cat costume competition wasn't exactly just cute kitties dress up in fancy wears, it was a matter of actual BATTLE. They'd prepare themselves in a cage putting two people in and place their cats on a rounded chair. Waiting to be judge as they place themselves in middle of both cats, rules were simple:

1. First cat to jump off the chair will guarantee the owner making the fist move starting first round.

Only thing that wasn't allowed was weapons (guns, knives, swords, grenades, wires, types of acids, any sort of dust powder and flame throwers).

He wasn't sure exactly why the last weapon was needed to be specified with red ink, but he was a man who didn't question much.

Pretty much anything else is valid, so you're basically on your own once you're in the cage.

2. First player who accidentally hurts or (kill) the felines in anyway while being on the cage are disqualified immediately making the other competitor pass to the next round.

Being so damn fucking grateful he didn't bring Mr kitty to this whole thing after all was an understatement.

3. No sex inside the cage (one boner and you're out).

Now that was a rule he wondered why was needed to be added, but Hershey had told him it was because sometimes the tension between the two competitors will turn them up and makeout mid-battle.

This is why Jackson also told him he wasn't gonna let him compete as a player, he wasn't risking his boyfriend on 'falling' for some other dude. Kinda toxic, but he kinda like the possessive attitude.

4. Each meow counts as a double point, so you're current points would be sum together (the cat must be your feline for it to add up).

5. Each round is about 15 minutes (if dragged).

6. They're only 6 rounds per fight.

7. If referee catches you purposely making your feline meow you're disqualified and would be punished being excluded for the next year's competition.

8. Every aim on the gut, calves and armpit is 15 points (must be with a fist punch/ grab or finger thruster it would not count otherwise).

9. Bruises are also counted (1 point), in other cases: any teeth yanked off counts as 4.

Eyes (not preferable) 3 points.

Fingers (please don't) 6 points.

And any limbs (again, mayor Paul Theo won't pay for your hospital bills. Cautious.) 10 points.

10. You must sign the term and conditions agreeing you're aware of all the dangers you're putting yourself in and would not ask for legal action if you're severely injured (don't be a pussy), before festival date. The signature is obligatory or you will not be allowed to participate.

11. Once sixth round is over you must have atleast over 120 points gather up for the win. If both competitors have over that limited amount the competitor who has the highest count is declared winner.

However, if both competitors haven't pass the limit, they're both disqualified and will be called: tied losers until next year. (No one likes a tie you damn finger teaser).

In worse cases, a deceased competitor mid play would immediately disqualify you. If the competitor passes away after the ending round however, is automatic victory.

Eleven being the last rule, made him winced a little worrisome. This wasn't like the cow chase tournament they had in south park. This was beyond that.

What he did point out is that north parkers are VERY and when he says VERY, like goddamn! they're competitive. They don't like losing.

He bit his lip nervously as he was gesture to take a high up seat, sitting while seeing the crowd of people fill up empty seats.

Judge main attribute is to watch and declare winners, also having to count individually each players points, added his own judgment by rating each cat outfit which is important for the final counting.

He had the power to make a competitor lose if he felt like not giving a high score to their cat. Just like the power to make someone win even with a lower point count, he has unlimited points to give. And if he really dislikes the outfit he can take away max 15 points from a competitor.

So yeah, that was pretty sweet.

'You're already feeling yourself aren't you, fatass?'

"just a little... but could you blame me? Everyone is totally boned by the thought of overpowering someone, and I just have the opportunity to overpower anyone."

'That's more like it.. but don't over do it, lardass.'

"Jesus, can you give me a break already?"

'Not until you're back in South park; your real home with your real friends. We're I can keep an eye on you up closer.'

He rolled his eyes not bothering in answering back, spotting Jackson with the gang seating in some seats. Jackson spotted him right away and blew him a kiss. Which he subconsciously grabbed and blew another one back.

'God, you're so gay.'

The tournament began and everyone was riled up, it was a total massacre in and out of the cage, he was lucky being at top of it all. Seeing how aggressive the crowd of viewers were, he even notice his friends joined in the bashing. Unlike the competitors the audience could and can throw shit in, some tried aiming their gun to the competitor they hated the most others just shaked the cage in a rabid manner and some threw rocks with poor aiming.

It was quite a sight, a whole different display than what he was given firstly of the town.

"Wow," he said in an 'awe' admiring the chaos.

'Please, this would never get at a South park level'.

"C'mon, you can't tell me this isn't skewl?"

'Not even the slightest.'

"You're just saying that cause you're jealous."

'Sure~ being jealous over some people attempting to kill each other in a cage is so– exciting. If I wanted to watch that shit I could just see MMA for women on tv.'

"Okay you snarky jew, I get it, fuck. Nothing pleases you."

'I'm just stating facts, nothing beats south park.'

He grunted, reluctantly watching the whole tournament unfold, and eventually get to its end.

He was almost thrown a bucket of literal shit on because for the people's eyes his judgment wasn't going their way, not pleased by his choices. For his luck he had Jackson by his side during his performance, preventing any damages his way. Which he thought it was very warming and protective of him.

"You should give Eon a 10 pointer it'll definitely hit the rail for Jennebie," Jackson whispered in his ear, he could feel his malicious smirk against it.

So he followed through and did just that.

"Also hit Merry with a 5 pointer and let Harry have it with a 3," he continued almost in a sultry manner.

He looked his way, and sure enough it seem Jackson was turned on by pissing people off; he had dilated pupils and he was bitting his lip, moving back and forth frantically.

'He's literally manipulating you under your damn nose aren't you gonna do anything about it?'

He denied with his head not listening to Kyle and continued following his boyfriend instructions. It's not like he's whipped but he didn't mind pleasing him in some way.

He felt Jackson's hands slid next to his arms rubbing them lightly as he rested his head on his shoulder, sighing.

"Eric did I tell you how hot you look today?" He mustered nuzzling his nose against his neck warmly, "you drive me crazy."

He felt himself melt into Jackson's words, smiling dumbly as he saw how the competitors reacted by their scoring, feeling soothe by his touch and soft hair against his cheek.

He hummed as an answer, dazzlingly eyeing the crowd infront of him not caring much of the insults being sent his way.

"Mom, do you think I'm ready to have sex?" He asked his mother, now being back home.

His mom looked his way from the small kitchen practically part of the living room.

She moved her mouth as she was trying to articulate some words, seemingly startled, "uhhm.. well, I'm not sure poopsikins, do you feel ready?"

"I'm not sure either, but all my friends have done it," he shrugged not seemingly sure himself, "when was your first time?"

"Oof.." she exclaimed almost incredulous of how far that was, pouting her lips in thought, "probably when I was your age now that I think about."

"Wow. So does that mean I'm already late?"

"Ofcourse not sweetums," she chuckled, while smiling, "it's takes the right person at the right time."

"Did you do it with the right person, ma?" He asked genuinely curious.

"I did it with the coach of our volleyball team."

"Aye! That doesn't seem very ethical at all!"

"Technically I was learning something new, hon," she tried justifying herself with a light nervous tone to it, "anyways– why do you ask? Is that boyfriend of yours already wanting to escalate towards higher grounds?"

"Well.. not exactly, but it seemed like it!" He admitted, almost exasperated by the whole previous ordeal, "he seemed like he wanted something, he just.. didn't have the balls to tell me.

Even though it was obvious he was trying to hide it from me and he was all touchy too."

"Hmmm.." she looked at the ceiling, thinking carefully, "well it does seems quite suspicious, but you shouldn't get to that type of conclusions yet."

"Why?"

"Because then he'll think you're desperate."

"Really!?" He exclaimed almost nervously, eyes widen by the possibility.

He went to his room after eating dinner and briefly remembering the underwear gnome he and Stan hid in a cooler from a previous episode of theirs while he made an extra sandwich cause he was starving to death and the diet he had set himself off with wasn't it for him. Worrisome of looking like a desperate horny dog to Jackson, that was far what he wanted to give.

He layyed down sighing exhausted, remembering the passionate kisses Jackson gave him before entering his building, backing him against a wall and making out for a couple of minutes before reluctantly drifting ways.

He bit his lip just thinking the possibility of Jackson wanting more than just kisses, gulping nervously as he lightly yanked the collar of his shirt feeling a immense tightness around his neck, sucking in some air.

He took out his phone and texted Butters about his other worry that has also been eating him alive all day. The previous event made him realize how much he missed his little feline friend.

Butters (+1 ***-***-****) 📞

[Inbox✉]

'Butters, make sure Mr. Kitty is well fed or I'll hunt you down and chop you into bits you hear me!'

'No need to worry about it, Eric👌🏼

I'm already making sure your furr baby is alright'

'Please don't call it a furr baby, dude. That's gay as fuck'

'Butters?' He reluctantly added.

'Yeah?'

'If I we're to never come back.. would you miss me?'

'Why golly, Eric. Ofcourse I will, we're best pals!'

'I fell like you're bullshittin me rn just to make me feel better'

'Are you feeling under the weather again?'

He pinch himself, Butters could right outta the bat tell when somethings bothering him even through text.

'Maybe..'

'Do you know if any of the guys have been.. not that I care or anything! But, do they seem to miss me or something?'

'Typing..'

Butters kept writing but it seemed he stopped a couple of times before continuing writing again as if he was contemplating his reply and erasing it back and forth.

Finally after like a minute, he sent a bible looking message.

'This is what I've seen so FAR, it's not accurate so please don't take it as seriously, alright?:)

I've seen Stan and Kyle being the ones least affected by your absence, ofcourse that was just the first few days.

Stan seems to be taking it all pretty lightly but I do see him getting bored easily and shoving his face in junk food all day (probably not you related) but still, it's kinda unlike him yk.

Kyle on the other hand.. well, yk how pissy he gets. It's kinda hard to tell what's in his mind when all he shows is anger. But he does seem to be in denial of you actually staying in north park for too long, he thinks you're scheming something (Which isn't entirely untrue but he doesn't know that) and you already knew that.

Kenny, I already told you. He wasn't taking it well, but he's gotten better since your last call.

And well, to summarize it all, it does seem to put affect in some way for them. So I do think they miss you, Eric.

You guys don't really have the best way in showing it'

'That's useless dunk garbage, I could've guess that myself, dumbass.

But thanks.. I guess'

'Anytime n.n'

'Eric.'

'What?'

'What the hell is dunk garbage suppose to mean?'

He sighed, placing his phone in his lamp stand, covering himself in his covers.

'Are you finally gonna admit you're homesick, dickface?'

"Fuck you, I am not," huffing annoyed, he tossed himself to his other side, "I just miss Mr kitty that's all."

'Mhm, sure, Cartman'

"Tee hee~ tee hee hee~" he heard from the end of his bed, he snapped back up in shock, glancing at that little well familiar devil.

'Oh great'

"The fuck!? I thought I had got rid of you already!"

"Tee hee~ is this how you welcome your little bundle of joy after years of not seeing each other?"

"Fuck you, dude! I don't want nothing to do with you anymore. I'm not a little kid anymore, this is totally lame now," he hissed hiding half his face under the covers, feeling frustratingly embarrassed, "so uncool.."

"So you rather replace me for a gay inner monologue of your gay little friend?" Cupid sneered, approaching him.

'Fuck you, asshole!'

"Up yours, Kyle!" The little creature snap back almost bitterly, now changing his tone to a sweeter one, "Eric we use to be the best of friends! Setting people up with their true love it was so much fun!"

"Yeah, but acting like cupid is a 2016 thing, get over it already. It's sooo totally lame."

Cupid me sighed in disbelief and disapproval, "preteens I swear~" he rolled his eyes annoyed before continuing, "look, Eric. I'm here not exactly to set anyone up.

I'm here to make you realize the real you tee hee~"

"The real me?"

"Uhuh," he nodded beaming wide, "you're so in denial of your true feelings I'm starting to feel pity over you~" he swirled around in circles playfully.

"Aye!"

"But don't worry! That's why I'm here! To open your eyes~"

"To what?"

"Being in love with Jackson ofcourse! Tee hee hee~!"

"WHAT!? NUH-UH! you're bullshittin me right now! I don't like Jackson, I just think he's neat and cool!"

"That's being a complete gayway, cupcake~"

'I must admit just this once that the ugly goblin has a point'

He heard cupid me huffed by the name, but he couldn't give a rats ass about it, "Shut the fuck up, Kahal! And shut the fuck up cupid me! I DO NOT like Jackson!"

"Yes you do~"

"Nuh-uh!"

"Yuh-huh~"

"NO!" Panic began rising in him, shoving harshly the little creature to the wall running inside his closet with his hands covering his ears closing the door with a loud slam.

'Sweet, can you do that again?' He heard Kyle say referring about how he had shoved cupid me in a furious attempt to get him away.

He ignored him once more, squinting his eyes shut dismissively shaking his head frantically. Hearing cupid me rise above with angry noises and the flapping of his wings echoing the room in a loud attempt to threatened him.

"That does it, Eric," Cupid me spoke tirelessly behind the door, his sweet tone long gone replacing for a more menacingly one, "I've been very nice and have forgiven you countless times of how you've mistreated me!

Now come out of the closet right now, were gonna speak like real men!" He slammed harshly the door attempting to turn the handle but his little hands couldn't grasp it entirely making it almost impossible.

"No! Leave me alone!"

'C'mon cupid me, leave him alone already. You can't force it either' he heard Kyle try to reason with it in his defense, but Cupid me was way stubborn to let things slide easily.

"Shut up, Kyle, I don't want to hear anymore of those gay little speeches of yours! This is between me and him," Cupid me kept on slamming the door, even trying to budge in with his body, "come outta the closet right now, Eric!

You can't hide yourself in there forever."

"Just you watch!" He cried out, feeling tears fall down his cheeks, sucking harshly some air. He's never felt this scared in his life, feeling how small and suffocating the small space being, sobbing and holding himself for dear life as he hugged his legs hiding his face.

There was a immediate silence, he wanted to take a peek and make sure cupid me was long gone, but he stopped before placing his hand on the door.

'Don't be stupid. He could be acting like he isn't there to make you come out, he isn't called a creepy little shit for no reason'

He nodded, gulping nervously, as Kyle was indeed right. Cupid me wasn't to be mess with, he was calculated, cunning and coldly accurate, he knew his ways to get him, and he hated having let that little shit capable of making him feel this vulnerable.

He rocked himself back and forth in attempt to calm his nerves, but it didn't help in the slightest.

'Breathe, asswipe, you don't want to pass out either'

He squinted his eyes even harder, sucking in some air and letting it out, in and out.

'1–

Breathe in, exhale..

2-

Breathe in, exhale..

3– '

His breathing began to take a slower pace, Kyle's voice soothed him like no other but he was immediately tense back up by the sounds of a chainsaw.

Oh god, no.

He trembled trying to back further away but there was no more end to it. He looked fearsome at the door being torn apart and a crazy cupid me smirking menacingly poke inside.

"Oh, Eric~ come out from the closet, dear~" he sang, finally demolishing the door to it's entirety.

Cupid me gripped him from his shirt yanking him out and with a loud thump he shoved him to the floor, he whimpered trying to reach his bed and try shielding himself under it but Cupid me dragged him by the legs. Sobbing uncontrollably he was left no choice but to look into his eyes.

"Eric, I'm not trying to hurt you.. but you have to listen to me. You're in love with Jackson."

And with that, cupid me pointed a arrow at him, "this is for your own good, be happy and be as gay as you can possibly be tee hee~!" Finally releasing the arrow and knocking him out dead with a hit.

°°°°

He gasped wide awake, looking at his sweaty hands and seemingly back in bed. He looked around and cupid me was no longer in sight.

'Morning gay bitch'

Just Kyle, but that wasn't anything new for him.

He sighed feeling slightly better, "Morning.."

'Sleep well, fatass?'

"Slept like ass, but I do feel slightly better," and with that, he got out of bed and went to the bathroom to brush his teeth.

He had noticed it seemed to be quite earlier than usual his mother was still in bed, so he quietly walked passed her room to not disturb her.

Since when has that ever matter to him?

He made himself breakfast not bothering on waking up his mother, and soon after headed outside to meet up with his friends. They had agreed on hanging out for today at the skaters park.

Waving hello as he saw both Hershey and Stewart already sitting in some stairs waiting for the remaining members.

"Morning!"

"What's got you all smile and rainbows?" Stewart asked with a smile, arching a brow confused.

"Nothing, I just feel good you know," he shrugged, sitting in the spot next to him.

"You did a great job as judge, dog park," Hershey added, now sitting with his legs cross infront of them, mindlessly sliding his board from side to side.

"Thanks."

After a few minutes of chit chatting Jackson had finally arrived, eyes widen in surprise as he notice him, planting a kiss right away on his lips.

"Morning, baby nuts. Didn't think you'd be here this early," he gave a hand five to Stewart and a peace sign to Hershey before sitting down, "normally you're the last to arrive."

"I thought you'd be happier to see me~" he teased with a smirk.

"I'm always happy to see you."

His heart skipped a few beat smiling wide and his face felt heated.

"Damn, motherfuckers. Get a room," Stewart added with not much malice into it, taking out a small bag from his pocket of his baggy ass black pants.

"What the fuck is that?" He asked, curiously eyeing what it seems to be a couple of joints.

"Never tried a joint before, fatboy?"

He denied, he thought those shit were for pussies; poor people like Kenny and hippies, definitely for hippies. Goddamn how he hated hippies.

"Damn why didn't you say so!" He exclaimed baffled, his other two friends also looked distraught his way, "here," he passed him a joint but he hesitantly look at it.

There wasn't anything relatively good in those things, he's only gotten bad experiences just being near them. Being his mother a crackhead herself or seeing Kenny get himself high with paint for substituting it; even if he had countless times told him he should just stick with the joints instead of huffing paint like some crazy junkie. He also witnessed dumb highschoolers making themselves look like cringe looking fools being all high and shit promising himself he'll never be like them.

"What? Scared?" Stewart asked, taunting moving the joint in hand with a sly smirk.

And Jackson eyed him with a intense look, interest peeking his way.

'Don't do it, asshole'

He snatched that joint quicker than dashing off in a hurry when he hear the microwave announce with a beep that his hotpocket was ready.

Huffing a deep bunch, coughing loudly as it hit his throat awfully while his friends laughed by the first attempt.

"Killer.." he mustered out, feeling how the substance was already hitting him bad.

He was starting to feel a lot lighter since, also losing appetite and replacing his food with joints. Luckily his mother seem to not mind it much, as she view it being a phase of his now that's he's hitting adolescent anytime soon.

He layyed down, puffing some more of the weed given, turning on the tv lazily.

He laughed incredulous at the big companies that claim being precautious of the environment and safety of the children.

And he bashed on people who show any ounce of hatred towards animals.

Who do they think they are? This world is supposed to be freedom, we're all animals living in the same globe managed and ruled by arrogant men who play god.

Who can say who's to command the world? Just cause they speak and are highly intelligent than most animals there.

Someone should do something about it, go against this corrupted government and protest for the right of change and liberty.

He huffed another hit, before resting deeply his head against a cushion and doing absolutely nothing about it taking out his phone and putting on so music to avoid any mindless thinking.

His eyes widen in realization, "MOOOOOOOM," he screamed out loud in a scare.

°°°°

"Ah, I see," the doctor hummed, as he eyed his eyes with a small flashlight, "you're developing pussie-itis." He concluded.

"Oh my," he heard his mother gasped in surprise.

"What's that?" He asked confused.

"It only occurs to outsiders," he explained, placing back his flashlight in his coat, "it's a condition that could lead to severe head trauma being cause by being homesick or being expose for too long on a diffrent environment far different from your previous living."

"Nuh-uh! I'm not home sick!"

"This is serious, you could turn into a giant pussy."

He gasped by the revelation, covering his mouth.

"Is there any way to prevent that happening, doctor?," his mother asked concerning.

"Well, I could prescribe some medicine. But that still can't guarantee some changes in your son, Ms Cartman."

Being prescribe meds was super lame, but he had no choice into taking them.

However after a few days he got tired and decided to skip a few times and lastly shoving the pills inside a drawer completely forgetting about them as he venture with his friends doing whatever crappy shit hit their way.

Prev —

[serenity-songbird]

A oneshot where the reader is friends with team stan and Kyle has a crush on her but Craig had taken a liking to her too so he starts small conversations with her and even invites her to the library for lunch dates?

(Oh, a jealous Kyle. Hell yeah!!! It may be long since I always go overboard with Kyle. Kyle Simpson unite!!! 🥳🥳🥳)

You and Kyle had started off as friends. So, as most stories go, it was no surprise to anyone when he fell for you. He fell for you hard. As most cliches, he was also afraid to admit his feelings for you. It was the same excuse: he didn't want to ruin his relationship with you. Cartman, of course, used this as an excuse to bully him relentlessly. Stan urged Kyle to tell you of his feelings. Kyle replied with a, "You have no right to talk when you can't admit your feelings to Wendy half of the time." Stan opens his mouth then closed it. "Touche." It didn't stop him from trying to force Kyle to say what was in his heart.

Then you started hanging out with Criag more. It was after the group had broken into the Freedom Pals and Coon and Friends. Tweek and Craig had also broken up. At first, he wasn't phased since he thought Craig was gay. Then it turned out he was a bisexual... that was proven once he saw you two holding hands in the hallway. You were pulling his hand and pointing in the direction you were going as Craig smiled softly. I repeat. He smiled. It may have been a small one, but it was there. He noticed that you both had been doing that a lot as of late. Then he would see you going out together. Whether it was to the movies, to a restaurant, or simply just walks in the park. You were always engrossed in your conversations. You had even had to cancel outings planned with Kyle. Or other times when he'd visit you on a whim, you would be busy with Craig. It wasn't a secret Kyle was in love with you. Everyone of the boys and even the girls knew it. They thought you had loved him to. So that's why it was so unexpected. Kyle snapped his pen in anger. And he wasn't the only one. As he watched them with a glare Tweek would stare with the same look. Due to Tweek's betrayal, Cartman could've cares less about his and Craig's relationship since they were now enemies. He didn't want them to hinder Coon and Friend's group. However, Cartman at least cared about Kyle enough to send Cupid Cartman to help out. This is where we are now. This same Cherub had just flown throw your window and down to your sprawled out figure on the bed. "Tee hee hee. This will make you finally realize your feelings for Kyle. You two are soulmates after all." He shot you with his arrow and patted your head. He then headed to Kyle's house. "Tee hee hee. Now let's get you the courage to finally tell her your feelings." He shot him as well. "There. Now I'm gonna pee in your mouth a little." Yeah. I don't need to explain him going that... You were one of the few people who never shit on Cartman so he didn't want to do you like that. Kyle however...well. You know. He then landed next to the still awake Cartman. "Did you do it Cupid Me? You think this will work?" "Tee hee hee. Of course. By tomorrow, they'll be head over heels in love. I also pet (Y/N)'s head and peed in Kyle's mouth." "Hahaha!!! Sweet." Cartman laughed and wiped a tear from his eye. "Yeah. I knew you'd like that...Sooo, love is in the air. How about some of that love spreading to us?" Cupid Cartman settled dangourousy close to Cartman's face. "No Cupid me. I've told you before that I am not gay. I may have agreed to go on a date with you last time with Tweek and Craig. But it will not end up like how it did last time." Cartman's response was straight to the point. "Awww. Come on. Didn't we have fun last time? You can't tell me you didn't like it..." Cupid Cartman's tone was suggestive. Cartman's eye twitched and he curtly turned away from the cherub and cover himself with the blanket. "No. I. Did. Not. Now I'm going to bed goodnight." Cupid Cartman simply sighed in defeat and left. Still, his determination was strong. But that Is a story for a different time. This story is about you and Kyle. The next day, everything seemed the same. You and Kyle hadn't hung out again today as you were preoccupied with Craig. Douchbag and the Coon and Friends in their civilian form were

plotting ways to make their hero team more popular. Kyle would clench his teeth now and again as he watched you laugh with Craig at the table for from them. The seat you usually sat next to Kyle empty. Cartman had grown antsy. Suddenly, Douchbag got up texting that he had to take care of a quest and he walked up to you and Craig. The boys looked with their eyes raised and your conversation was cut short as Douchbag handed Craig a note. Criag's face immediately turned sour as he read the note and promptly put in down in refusal. You picked up the note, read it, and enthusiastically nodded your head. It took some convincing, but Craig's face softened and he seemed to agree. Douchbag nodded, smiled at you, and left. You suddenly were upbeat. "What was that about?" Stan asked. "I don't know. Probably another stupid request that Douchbag accepted. Seriously, he needs to stop running around town accepting quests and focus on our fucking franchise." Cartman grumbled. Kyle didn't say anything and just watched you interact with his ally. Oh if looks could kill. It was afterschool. The teenagers decided to take a day off from superhero work today and Coon and Friends hung out together at Cartman's house. Douchbag and Craig were out doing, Gog know what and you were nowhere to be found. Much to Kyle's dismay. "Hey, K-Kyle. W-what do you want to w-watch?" Jimmy was nice enough to ask Kyle his opinion. "Nothing. I don't care." He just waved poor Jimmy off. "Come on Kyle, I know you're pissy about Craig dating (Y/N), but that's no excuse to take it out on us." Clyde replied. "Yeah, Kyle. Lighten up." Scott chipped in. "Nanana. I'm Scott Malcolm and I have diabetes." Kyle mimicked him. The others laughed and Scott made an angry face. "Seriously Kahl, why don't you just tell her how you feel? We're sick and fucking tired of your bitchy attitude. Man the fuck up and grow some balls." "Shut the fuck up, Cartman!!! You wouldn't understand. "Fine. You want to do this the hard way. We'll do it the hard way. We'll do it the hard way..." Cartman got up straight up smacked Kyle across the face. ... "CARTMAN!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!" Kyle just about lunged at Cartman and Clyde, Scott, and Jimmy had to hold him back. "IF YOU DON'T WANT TO TELL (Y/N) YOU LOVE THEM, THEN FINE!!! WATCH THEM KYLE!!! WATCH AS YOU SLOWLY LOSE THEM MORE AND MORE UNTIL THEY GET MARRIED AND HAVE KIDS WITHOUT YOU!!! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT!!! TO NOT EVER EVEN GET A CHANCE TO BE WITH THEM?!?!?!" Kyle stopped and blinked. He didn't want that. That would be awful. He should be the one to marry you. He wanted to have kids with you. "...N-no..." "Then what are you waiting for already?!?!?! Go win the heart of the person you love!!!" Kyle looked at Cartman is disbelief before his expression turned to determination. He hated to admit it, but Cartman was right. He needed to win tour heart. Fuck Craig. So he raced out the door to look for you. He asked around and someone said you were at Tweek's Coffee with Craig. Kyle thought it was weird that Craig went to Tweek's cafe. He was sure they were still fighting. But that didn't matter. What did matter was winning your heart. Kyle barged into Tweek's coffee shop and spotted you and Craig seated at the table with Tweek writing down your orders. You were literally glowing with happiness for some reason and his blood boiled. Douchbag was also with you guys for some reason but he didn't pay kind to it. He stomped over to your group and slammed his hands on the table loudly. You jumped in fright, Tweek screamed as he dropped the paper and pen, Douchbag stared with a blank face, and Craig's face was annoyed. The while cafe had now gone quiet and watched the group in question. "I have something important to say and you're gonna listen! It's been long overdue and I am finally going to say it!" His face was already bright red. In anger or embarrassment, was hard to be sure. "(Y/N), I'm in love with you!!!" Your eyes grew

wide and Douchbag gave a knowing look. Craig still didn't care and Tweek was still anxious. "I've always been in love with you! You're beautiful, funny, and the only person who's always had my back no matter what. Even when we disagreed on opinions! AND I THINK YOU SHOULD BREAK UP WITH CRAIG BECAUSE HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU LIKE I DO AND I'LL TREAT YOU SO MUCH BETTER!!!" By the end of his confession his was huffing and puffing and his voice increased in volume and speed. He was clenching his fists and face with practically redder than his hair. Craig stared at him with a blank look and Tweek's turned from shocked to embarrassment. Because that's almost exactly how he reacted... "I'm not in love with (Y/N) at all, dumbass." Now douchebag was smirking and you were hiding a trembling smile being you small fist. "...What?" Kyle paused and stared at Craig before speaking in confusion. "Pfft" you spit out before laughing out loud, "hahaha!!!" Now Kyle was mad at you for laughing. "Why are you laughing?! I literally just poured out my feelings out for you!" You put a finger up and had been reduced to giggles. "I-I'm sorry. I-It's just-" you took a breath between your giggles. "Craig and I aren't dating. We never were." You wiped a tear. "What on Earth gave you that idea?" Now he was really embarrassed and finally noticed everyone's eyes on him. "Y-you're not? B-but I thought- you were always together and holding hands!" "Weeell...I thought the same thing too, buuut...when douchbag suggested to couple's councling it was revealed that (Y/N) was working with Craig to try and get us to work it out..." He scratched his red cheek in the same embarrassment. "If you had such strong feelings for me, why didn't you tell me?" You gave him a soft, patient smile behind your fist. Your own cheeks dusted a soft pink. "U-uh- w-well I just didn't, uh, want to, uh, r-ruin our friendship and-" The poor boy couldn't stop stuttering and could barely get his sentence together. So, you simply stood up and quieted his stutters with a sweet peck on his lips. Pulling away just enough to ghost your lips over his, you whispered his happiness. "I'm in love with you too, silly." Kyle blinked and stood frozen. You giggled knowingly and grabbed his hand. "Welp, my new boyfriend and I are going on our first date now." "B-boyfried? D-date?" You excitedly dragged Kyle to the door as he finally comprehended and smiled goofily. "See you guys later!!!" And out you went. For once, Kyle was glad Cartman was finally right. Outside, Stan, Kenny, and Cartman (in a temporary truce) watched behind the sidelines as you and Kyle held hands and he shyly pulled you into a deeper kiss. "Mmmph! Hmmph! (It's about time! That's my boy!)" Kenny nodded in approval. Cartman gave Cupid Cartman a high five. "Good work today, Cupid Me." "Tee hee. It's all in a day's work." "Dude who the fuck are you talking to?" Stan asked as him and Kenny looked at him like he was crazy. "No one!!! Shut the fuck up!"

~Fin~

[sun-sunny]

Can you make a headcanon of South park you don't have to do it if you don't want to

Ofc, who would take up a chance to rant about south park?

Clyde is a third wheel for craig and tweek, hes with them so much now he calls them the "no homo boyfreinds" craig hates it Tweek just thinks its another joke

Tricia (craigs little sister) is lesbian and has a crush on Karen whos also lesbian

Kenny is pangender and pansexual he has a soft spot for pan jokes (tho hes very picky about who said it and how its said)

Marjorine/Butters is mtf and is bisexual

Craig is a little weakling when it comes to physical fighting, Tweek can beat ass tho

Going off if the last one, Craig always starts crap and Tweek finishes it for him

At this point im not sure if CATG is a Tweek protection squad or if its Tweek protecting the squad

Cartman has a crush on Kyle, in some twisted way, but Kyle doesnt like him back

Bradely from the ep cartman sucks has more screen time / j

Craig is a 'shove it in your face' 'move im gay' kinda gay and Tweek is the 'oh right im gay' kinda gay

Craig liked being the little spoon when him and tweek cuddle

I have two hcs for tweek and craigs first kiss and they are always at war.

1 of them is when they first kissed Craig was like halve asleep and went in fot the kiss but he missed and kissed Tweek on cheek and went "fuck wrong spot"

Number 2 is tweek feel and was worried after he fell on his face and craig bandaged him up anf after they kissed but since their such awkward teens in this one it was weird and awkward and tweek cut his tongue on craigs braces

Oh yeah craig has braces

Stfu bebes a lesbian

Clyde liked bebe for a bit but she came out so he got over her (still has a softspot for her ofc) he then started likeing wendy, but then turns out wendy and bebe where dateing so

Creekyde, thats all.

At craig and tweeks wedding Jimmy was Tweeks best man and Token was Craigs, Clyde got to give a speach tho and shared some embarrassing Creek moments

Craig gets Tweek aspirin from caffeine withdrawal (those head aches hurt so fucking much ugh)

Tricia likes doing nail art so she'll paint Craig and Tweeks nails, maybe even have a spa day

Tweek was the first to find out Tricia was lesbian, he got her a pride flag after (obvi makeing sure she was ok with people knowing)

Thats all, for now

[derivativealigner]

Well I haven’t watched sp all the way through for about a decade now, so I thought it was time

Sometimes I wonder how accurate the fandom is when it comes to how we interpret the characters. Like, why is Stan a football star so often in fanfic and why’s Kyle always the smart one? So I thought I’d rewatch the show and make notes along the way to see where the source of all these interpretations is. I also wanted to see if I could get some fun info to analyze, but season 1 is pretty sparse in that regard so there’s not too much of that in this post, but I’ll make a post for all the other seasons too as I watch them

In summary, it’s established in season 1 already that Stan’s a star quarterback and an animal lover, Kyle’s an A+ student, and Kenny is poor and knows a lot about sex and doesn’t have many qualms about doing crazy shit. Cartman is a bit weird since he’s mostly just a naive brat in this season, but he and Kyle have a mildly antagonistic friendship already

I have all my notes under this cut. They include a bunch of small details and other observations. I also listed every Kenny death just because

Ike has freckles

Cartman says “Weak!” and “You guys” and “Seriously” a lot from the start, also “Kickass!” He doesn’t say weak or kickass much in the later seasons iirc

Stan says “Dude, this is pretty fucked up right here” three times in this season but they dropped that catchphrase pretty quickly

Bebe got named in episode 2

Stan’s been an animal lover since s01e03 Volcano since he won’t shoot a bunny or anything else. He does shoot Scuzzlebutt at the end though

Cartman’s a pathological liar but in a childish way

Randy got named in s01e03 Volcano (and it only got worse from there)

The mayor went to Princeton

South Park is next to Mt. Evanson

Kenny will literally drink gasoline

Stan’s a star quarterback in 3rd grade

Clyde’s voice is wrong as hell in S01E04 Big Gay Al’s Big Gay Boat Ride and he has a dog, Rex

Garrison says Kyle is an A+ kid

Shelly seriously abuses Stan, punching him, throwing him, maiming him with a lawnmower

Cartman had a pot-bellied pig called Fluffy

Cartman’s mom smokes crack and has sex with strange men

Dr. Mephesto is probably a Buddhist since he says “Thank Buddha” instead of “Thank God”

Clyde’s voice gets kind of fixed in S01E06

A guy called Mr. McCormick is killed in a protest, launched and splattered against a network building. He doesn’t look like Kenny’s dad though

Zombie Clyde attacks Bebe, rude

Wendy gave her costume contest prize (2 tons of candy) to hungry children in Nairobi

Cartman’s mom is on the cover of Crack Whore magazine. “Back do’ ho… Five on one action!” is the headline

Cartman genuinely cries at Kenny’s grave after the whole zombie thing but gets over it because of candy

Stan knows his mom’s credit card number and has no problem using it to adopt an Ethiopian child (the boys wanted a watch that came with the adoption, they weren’t doing it to be nice)

Cartman calls Stan a vas deference, Stan doesn’t know what that is so Kenny says “Dude, it’s a pipe for your peepee” (according to a transcript). Kenny sure knows male anatomy

Kyle sniffs Kenny after Cartman asks why poor people smell like sour milk and Garrison says “idk eric they just do”

Cartman thinks poor people should die and decrease the surplus population

When the boys get Starvin’ Marvin delivered to them, Cartman says “Hey mom, we found an Ethiopian, can we keep him?” and his mom says “Sure, hun.” She rarely says no to Cartman

Kenny’s dad is an alcoholic who drinks scotch according to Cartman. I mean, Mr. McCormick is seen drinking in multiple episodes and has a hat that says SCOTCH so it’s probably true

Kenny’s family says grace

Craig’s first appearance is S01E09. Also, S01E09 is the first time Kenny doesn’t die (Coincidence? I THINK yeah but it’s still fun)

Clyde got named in S01E10

Clyde and Bebe both spit on Pip’s face, friendship goals <3

Cartman and Kyle have their first fight at Cartman’s birthday party because Kyle didn’t give the right gift. Cartman slaps his face and  screams “I hate you! I want you to die! Die!” while on top of Kyle who’s not really fighting back

Satan throws a fight with Jesus after everyone except Satan bet that Jesus would lose, which leads to Satan winning everyone’s money. Mr. Garrison says “What a mean thing to do!” and Jimbo says “He is a jerk!” and I thought it was quite a laugh so I wrote it down

In S01E11 Tom’s Rhinoplasty Bebe and Wendy are sitting in the swings together and generally appear together throughout the episode, then Bebe gives Wendy a makeover so they’re bffs obviously <3

Craig first appears in the classroom, though not sitting down, in S01E11

Wendy’s not happy about Ms. Ellen taking Stan away from her, she says “Don’t fuck with me! Stay away from my man, bitch, or I’ll whoop your sorry ho ass back to last year!”

Kenny gives Ms. Ellen a scrumptious looking sausage as a valentine’s gift and giggles deviously. Wendy’s gift to Ms. Ellen is a dead animal

Even Kenny doesn’t know what a lesbian is

Wendy’s grandma died in S01E11

Wendy gets Ms. Ellen killed by hiring the Iraqi government (?) to put her in a rocket and shoot it into the sun, then she and Bebe have a pool party (very cool, they wear sunglasses 😎) and watch the rocket hit the sun

Cartman and Pip play a game of kicking each other in the nuts until someone falls. Cartman calls it “Roshambo”

Kenny has a sack of marbles

The boys aren’t fans of Barbra Streisand, but Stan is a fan of the Denver Broncos quarterback John Elway (he’s not a quarterback anymore, he’s an American football executive and the president of football operations for the Denver Broncos of the NFL according to wikipedia.)

Officer Barbrady is a fan of Fiona Apple (who was 20 at the time and had only one album released called Tidal)

Ned knows how to pilot a helicopter

Kyle’s mom is a fan of Streisand unlike literally everyone else, she even gets an autograph from Mecha Streisand

The boys are fans of Robert Smith, the lead singer of The Cure. Stan says “Robert Smith is the greatest person that ever lived!” and Kyle says “Disintegration is the best album ever!” and Cartman says “Robert Smith kicks ass!” and Kenny’s dead so he doesn’t get to have an opinion

Cartman has tea parties with his toys: Polly Prissypants, Clyde frog, Peter Panda, and a dragon called Rumpertumskin

Kyle wants to make fun of Cartman for the tea party but Stan stops him because he’s concerned that Cartman needs help

Craig is in front of the school counselor’s office in S01E13

A young miss Cartman drinks like a motherfucker at the 12th annual drunken barn dance where Cartman was supposedly conceived

Stan lets Cartman borrow his bike like a good friend

Garrison wanted to have a threesome with Chef and Cartman’s mom. I don’t know why I’m making a note of this but uh… yeah.

Cartman’s mom has had sex with everyone at this bar that Garrison’s drinking at, including principle Victoria, the mayor, Father Maxi, and Jesus (and maybe Kenny’s dad since he’s at the bar but the camera doesn’t pan to him when Garrison says they’ve all slept with Liane). Later Gerald Broflovski is a possible father to Eric, so he fucked her too. Also Mr. Mephesto and his friend Kevin, that little guy, are candidates along with a lot of other people, including the 1989 Denver Broncos (and Mr. Tenorman is included in that later)

Cartman doesn’t make fun of Kyle for being Jewish much at all in this season even though the Christmas episode is all about Kyle not celebrating

Clyde and Token appear very early on and Clyde has always been in the classroom (along with Bebe, Red, Kevin Stoley, Wendy, and Pip and uhh DogPoo too I think). Craig appears later in the season and Tweek’s not in season 1 at all, so Craig’s gang isn’t really a thing yet

And here’s a list of the ways Kenny died in this season. He dies in every episode except episode 9, and he dies twice in episodes 2 and 3. Altogether he dies 14 times

S01E01 Killed after alien shoots him, cows stampede over him, then cop runs him over which finally actually kills him

S01E02 Killed in a play by a falling teepee, then a second time shot by Garrison which sends him in the air and he gets impaled on a flagpole on the way down

S01E03 Killed by a volcano rock that burns him then rolls on him but he’s alive again in the end but gets shot by Ned’s gun that he drops and it accidentally goes off

S01E04 Gets his arms and head torn off in an American football game

S01E05 Stan’s clone punches Kenny into a microwave where he gets cooked alive

S01E06 Death touches Kenny

S01E07 Kenny gets crushed by a Russian space station and turns into a zombie because he gets Worcestershire sauce in his veins, then Kyle chainsaws zombie Kenny in half, then zombie Kenny rises from his grave and is crushed by a statue and a plane

S01E08 Kenny is killed by a bunch of turkeys. His eye gets plucked out. It’s dark blue

S01E10 After Kenny gets turned into a duck-billed platypus, Jimbo and Ned shoot him

S01E11 Ms. Ellen throws a sword through Kenny’s face

S01E12 While Mecha Streisand and a giant robot Leonard Maltin fight, Kenny plays with a tetherball and gets the rope wrapped around his neck and it strangles him

S01E13 Kenny gets stuck on a go kart and it drags him around but stops and he’s still alive! Too bad the go kart stops on train tracks and a train runs him over. Stan’s grandpa sends a video of the event to America’s Stupidest Home Videos and wins $10,000

If you read all that, first of all hello. I’m not new to the fandom even though this is the first thing I’ve posted on this tumblr blog. I’ve been writing a fanfic called Caffetamine though so I’m not a complete non-entity. Anyway, I’ll watch season 2 soon and post my notes on that too probably.

[vic-chaos]

I’m curious about this vampire au 👀

Oooohhh yes!!! OK imma put this one under a readmore because I already know it's gonna get long as fuck sjjsfjsdf

So @dusksmote is actually my really good friend and we've developed a totally ridiculous number of aus together (mostly my fault bc I'm like addicted to making elaborate aus and he indulges me every time I come up with some random idea for one lmao) in some alternate timeline we're both superpowered writing machines and they all exist as full fics 😭

But this was one of the first ones we came up with, so it has a TON of backstory and detail by this point... And also unfortunately since its pretty old, I have forgotten some bits and pieces as well.

To try and get the basics out though, Kyle and Butters are both vampires and they're both semi runaways from abusive families/institutions. Butters was training to be a priest back in like the early 1900s or something, he left the day he was meant to be ordained (hence the cassock) because the church and his parents were suffocating him, and was then turned into a vampire the same night. He's obviously not a priest - or even a catholic - anymore, but he still wears an adapted version of the outfit he "died" in purely for the theatrics jdfjsjds

Kyle is much older, and much more powerful too. He's also very tall and strong in this au. He comes from a super old lineage of "high society" vampires who would hold him to a very high standard, he was like their golden child before he left. The main reason he split away from them was over a big scandal involving Stan, who he was secretly sheltering and then fell in love with. His family were super unhappy about this and considered it him dishonouring their name and whatever else because Stan is a ghoul (he needs to drink vampire blood to survive and is very sickly when he hasn’t fed, Kyle feeds him with small doses of his own blood) and ghouls are thought of as inferior and corrupted monsters.

Stan was originally human but did have some vampire bloodline from his father... Randy is from one of those same high society families, but was exiled a long time ago. He's also the one who turns Stan into a ghoul. I won't go into details rn but this is one of many kind of "side stories" that also have a whole bunch of details in themselves jsdjsjdsd

So anyway Kyle left and took Stan with him, eventually they join with and sort of adopt Butters... Originally, the plan was to have Kyle be the one who turned Butters into a vampire back when he was still living with his family (and then he'd also take him along when he left since Butters would essentially become his responsibility). But we were uncomfortable with the implications of having a jewish character turn a white/aryan christian into a vampire, considering blood libel and all that. It's kind of bad enough having him already be a vampire, but vampire Kyle is inspired by his halloween costume from the show and we both love it too much to resist jgdhfsjfd. So we were considering other possibilities instead.... like maybe it being someone else who turned Butters, and Kyle just finds him wandering alone not knowing what happened to him or what he is now. After trying to help he ends up taking him under his wing, and Butters has nowhere else to go so he just never leaves lmao.

This is all like the long ago backstory...... can't believe I've typed this much and I'm only here LMAO 😭 At least I warned you guys sdfjsjdfsfd

Now we're at the present day (and if this was a fic it would start around here too). Cartman is a human, who Butters turns into a vampire by accident. He climbs into his bed at night with the intention to kill him and bring him back home as food for him and Kyle, but he had already started developing a little crush from following him around when he was trying to find a good target. He's super repressed as I'm sure you can imagine, and stops halfway because he starts having a gay crisis over how intimate it feels (this scene of course is based on the one in the ungroundable ajhsbfjsdf) then Cartman wakes up pushes him off. But because Cartman was bitten and not killed, he turns.

Butters actually panics and runs away after this, but he comes back the next night and Cartman manages to grab him and make him explain what the fuck is going on. After a bumpy adjustment period Cartman does eventually come to terms with it and the fact that he can’t really be a part of human society anymore, so he leaves to go live with Butters. Though he will always come back to visit his mom of course.

There is a whole complex worldbuilding thing around the types of vampires that we based off what I think was a book Dust read, I can’t remember for sure? But essentially there are like “pure” vampires who were never human and just manifested out of the darkness eons ago or something (pretty sure grandpa marsh was one of these jdhfbjsdbjsdhb), anyone turned by them is true blood, anyone turned by a true blood is mid blood, and etc. down the ladder.

So since Cartman is like 3....4....?? steps removed, his vampiric traits are all very weak. Vampire high society would regard him as very inferior as well, not much better than Stan. He does need blood occasionally but he can survive off of mostly human food, and of course he’s never going to give up KFC and junk food even though the others all think its disgusting sdjsdfshs. Since his blood is closer to a human-vampire mix, he offers to Stan once when Kyle is gone for a long time and Stan immediately throws it all up 😭

I just want to say...... Butters basically bringing home the worst stray of all time and the mental image of him standing in the doorway with Cartman behind him trying to bashfully explain what happened like “so ummm.... 🥺👉👈” (as well as Kyle’s face) is so eternally funny to me and one of my fav things about this whole au honestly.

Cartman of course was already not exactly a normal person, when is he ever 😂 and he comes with some really unusual baggage... and YES... I finally got to Kenny.

Kenny is a ghost in this au. He was Cartman’s childhood best friend who died, but his soul got attached to Cartman after he accidentally drank his ashes (lmao) and now he’s the only person who can see and hear him. He continued to age alongside Cartman too, and then also stops when he does.

Butters believes he’s real and tries to talk to him, even though he can’t see him so he’s usually speaking while facing the wrong direction jdfgjdgjsd, but everyone else just fully believes Cartman is insane. On Cartman’s part, he’s been haunted by Kenny for so long that he completely gave up trying to act normal years ago and just walks around openly talking to himself sdjfsjhfdsfjd. Kenny has been in love with him for a long time too, but never said anything because his situation made it seem futile to try when they can’t even touch each other. Actually, Kenny is my favourite part of this whole au because his storyline is both extremes of really funny and really heartbreaking, and I do love that combo......

Kenny will eventually start to slowly become corporeal, first being able to move small objects like make pieces of paper flutter or blow out candles, after a while the others will start to catch fleeting glimpses out of the corner of their eyes. Stan is the first one to see and hear him in full when he walks into the kitchen one day and Kenny is standing there, though he vanishes quickly after. Stan describes him as a “tall, skinny blonde guy who looked around our age, wearing a dirty orange parka”, and it completely freaks him out. (When Dust and I were first coming up with this part he made a joke abt Kyle later that day just sighing deeply like “Kenny’s not real Stan, go back to sleep” and I’ve been laughing about it so much recently I needed to include it here somehow jsjfhsjdhsdjsd)

They will eventually also find a way to cure Stan so that he goes back to being human, then after a few months of enjoying human life and eating junk food with Cartman, Kyle will turn him into a vampire too.

Most of what we talk about with this au is just the 5 of them living together as this really weird mix of supernatural beings, and all of the various shenanigans that come along with this. Though we did have some vague plans for a big ending involving Kyle going back to his family and bringing the others, and them all rightfully fucking up vampire high society (who are honestly just evil and deserve it) and using whatever method they found to cure Stan to do the same to all of the other ghouls who are imprisoned there.

It’s also style and bunnyman, which I somehow forgot to mention until now gjsfhsdjs but most of our aus are since we’re both obsessed.

[parti-pooper]

Get this. So I'm watching South Park Doubling Down, and the part where the fourth grade girls are telling Kyle he must like Heidi because why else would he be interfering so much? Then it hits me. The girls had it backwards... This wasn't about Heidi at all... Make of that what you will.

Oh, no, yeah. I’ve always believed that the girls had it the wrong way ‘round and Kyle just accepted their suggestion that he liked Heidi because, well, he himself didn’t understand why he was so invested in their relationship. If he had a crush on Heidi, he could make sense of his own involvement in her love life, ya dig? It is perfectly logical, right?

What doesn’t make sense about it, though, is that Kyle has never been unaware or unsure about having a crush on a girl before. Don’t believe me? Well, take a stroll with me now down the memory lane of Kyle’s crushes, if you will, and you will see what I mean...

First we have Rebecca, and Kyle knew from day one that he like-liked her. She was obviously wicked smart, and he was smitten by her. (It also helped that she “really was quite good-looking,” enough to write a song about.) She beat his ass at the spelling bee fair and square, and he was immediately like... “Respect.” He seemed to know his interest in her was romantic, since he wanted to serenade her with a guitar and give her flowers and all of that Hollywood romance junk he likely copied from TV. He wanted to go over to her house to talk with her, and he let her do whatever she wanted with him just so he could spend time with her. It was a very juvenile, Baby’s First Crush kind of thing; but it was still a legitimate crush. Nobody ever had to tell him what he was feeling, nor did he ever have to ask himself, “Hm... Do I? Don’t I?” Kyle was fully aware of his own feelings, and acted on them without preamble. He knew what he wanted, and without anyone telling him either. Unlike with Heidi, when he didn’t know and did have to be told.

Next we have Nichole. This is a little bit different from Kyle’s last crush since he only showed feelings for Nichole once he thought she was into him. It could be that he was attracted to her even before that, though. Maybe he was kind of trying to ignore his feelings for this pretty cheerleader at first, thinking he didn’t have a shot with her; but when he saw a sign that she liked him too, he decided he had a chance. You could see an immediate change in him. He didn’t have to ask himself, “Am I into her too?” He knew straight away that he very much was. It was actually adorable watching the high enthusiasm he bounded around with, trying to find out more about her and figure out how to ask her out. He was so excited when he was told she likes basketball, just like him, and he was totally stoked on their date. You could see there was no doubt in his mind. In fact, he had to be told by another person not to like her - rather than be told by other people that he did like her - when Cartman pointed out to Kyle that Nichole was already with Token and he would be breaking up a nice thing if he didn’t quit pursuing her. There was no uncertainty or outside influence in his crush on her.

Last we have Leslie. True, she kind of had, like, manipulative powers, being an Ad; so there’s room to argue whether Kyle’s crush was legitimate when he was simply brain-washed by her like everyone else. Still, Kyle knew he wanted to be this girl’s Nice, White, Jewish Knight. He wanted to protect her from harm. He wanted to hold her close. No one else told him, “Go take care of Leslie, it’s what you want.” He just already had that urge because of what he (or rather, his dick) was feeling for her. He was sure about what he wanted with her; he was so sure that he ditched his friends to run off and hide with her while he figured out a plan to make her safe. With Leslie, you could tell Kyle’s feelings were a “!” (until she was revealed, that is). While with Heidi, you could see Kyle’s feelings were a “?”

Now you’ve seen how he was with his other crushes, how does that make you feel about his “crush” on Heidi? Isn’t it strange that this boy who has never had to be told before “You like this girl” to know it, suddenly had to be told just that? Isn’t it odd that this boy who has never had to ask himself before “Do I like this girl?” to be sure of it, suddenly had to ask himself just that? I don’t know about you, but I’m not buying it.  

Does this look like the face of a boy who’s confident in his feelings, or confused?

Isn’t it also strange that Kyle’s interactions with Heidi were not focused on Heidi? He didn’t sing to her with a guitar, he didn’t play games she wanted to appease her, he didn’t run around the school happily when he felt like he had a shot with her, he didn’t ask her friends about her interests so he could take her out on the perfect date... In fact, we didn’t even really see Kyle talk to Heidi about her at all, unless it was about her involvement with...

Cartman.

Yup. If you ask me, that is the element of Heidi’s relationship that Kyle was really invested in from the start. It was always about Cartman. It was just easier to say, “I have a crush on Heidi,” however, than for Kyle to admit he has this obsession with Cartman. So when the girls gave him that out, Kyle took it. That’s how I feel.

Just look at when Cartman confronted Kyle about stealing Heidi away from him. Kyle’s arguments weren’t about her at all. They were about Cartman. He didn’t say to Cartman, “She wasn’t happy.” He didn’t say, “Both of you weren’t happy.” No, what he said was, "You weren’t happy.” It’s almost as if Cartman’s feelings were the only ones which mattered to him. Wow. He went on to say, “All you did was bitch about her all the time,” as if he was trying to make him see that he did him a favour, as if he was implying that he took Heidi for Cartman’s sake. Not for his sake. Not for her sake. Cartman’s.

Because of all this, I am fully convinced that Kyle’s intervention in Cartman and Heidi’s relationship had nothing to do with any confused feelings for Heidi that he could put an acceptable name to, and everything to do with all his confusing feelings for Cartman that he couldn’t put an acceptable name to.

That’s just a theory though... A gay theory. [Puts on sunglasses and finger-guns]

Anyway... Poor Kyle, huh? He’s been so unlucky in love. I just hope that one day he’ll find someone who has all the same things he liked about those girls that got away.

Someone like Rebecca, who can challenge him, and mentally stimulate him...

Someone like Nichole, who shares his interests, and he can enjoy being with...

Someone like Leslie, who he wants to be there for, and protect with his life...

...Oh, wait a minute. >w>

[heartachebf]

16, 17 (Tweek), and 25 -Batz 🖤💜

fandom asks

16. favorite behind-the-scenes insight ive actually got 2 answers for this !! first off, i love the fact that kenny is based off a Real Life kid trey knew growing up, who was Also named kenny n wore an orange coat that nobody could hear him over And was the poorest kid in town. and i rly love that kyle is blatantly based off matt stone ^_^ i have a big gay crush on matt so obvi that makes kyle one of my favs

17. 3 things you love about [insert character]

1. the fact that he can play piano And sing And act ^_^ i love that artsy little dweeb so much 2. the fact that his tics slowly got better over the years... sobbing n wailing.... AND the fact that he barely tics when hes around craig.... love wins 3. i love that he can kick ass should he choose to ^_^ he could maim someone so easily and i think he deserves to bonus number 4 bc i love him so much. i love that he can bake ^_^ i like to think that he stress bakes and will try out new recipes n then he'll take what he baked to school to let his friends try ^_^ hes god tier actually

25. favorite episode of [insert season] u didnt specify which season, so ill give my favs of each season (below the cut bc this post is getting long) (id also probs do this even if u Did specify which season bc. peace and love)

s1: i cant pick between episode 7, black friday (bc i Love the feel of all the early halloween episodes) or episode 10, damien (bc damien supremacy ^_^ im forever obsessed w the fact that he, the son of satan, has a super high pitched voice)

s2: EPISODE 17, GNOMES !!!!! i think that was tweeks first introduction and as such, its my fav ^_^ i rly love his voice in that ep <3

s3: episode 5, tweek vs craig, bc duh ^_^ the beginning of an era <3 plus its proof that tweek is tough n doesnt need protecting

s4: either episode 6, cherokee hair tampons (bc i love how fiercely stan tries to help kyle + its revealed that kyle has diabetes ^_^ i will forever cry over the fact that stan didnt hesitate to offer his kidney to save kyles life) or episode 8, something you can do with your finger (bc i love their silly little boy band + i love wendy joining their boy band + kyle wanting to be the tough one of the band + randy backstory/him being a lil insane but in a funny way)

s5: episode 3, super best friends ^_^ the origin of stan n kyle being super best friends ^_^ i also kinda love episode 10, how to eat with your butt, bc kenny is very endearing in it And we finally get to see what kyles hair looks like <3

s6: either episode 9, free hat, or episode 11, child abduction is not funny bc theres so much excellent tweek content ^_^ i also like ep11 bc of how dumb the parents are in that one, thats always amusing

s7: either episode 8, south park is gay (the fact that everyone was acting a lil fruity ^_^ gay rights ^_^ and also kyle rejecting dressing fruity and getting made fun of for that. so funny considering the fact that he Is gay, i prommy, kyle told me himself) or episode 14, raisins (bc butters was very sweet that episode + goth stan was introduced ^_^)

s8: omg this ones so hard to pick. i love episode 4, you got f'd in the a, bc stan having to get in a dance battle??? comedy gold. i love episode 6, the jeffersons, bc we stan n kyle being dads to blanket, gay ptide. and then i also love episode 11, quest for ratings, bc i love the guys having their own news team And i love that craig had a show dedicated to just showing cute animals. dork craig rights

s9: episode 10, follow that egg ... more silly little stan n kyle content ... stan gets rly fruity here and im obsessed w it. that whole episode gives me silly little au ideas ^_^

s10: episode 14, stanleys cup. froths at the mouth. that one anon of mine, hockey fic anon? theyre writing a silly little fic based off an au of That episode ^_^ that ep is so quality

s11: goes insane. episode 8, le petit tourette bc i loved seeing cartman in anguish + dork craig content. episodes 10, 11, and 12 aka the imaginationland trilogy bc. god. just so good. i cant even explain it. episode 13, guitar queer-o bc it gives me Another great au idea + stan n kyle are fruity in it. and finally, episode 14, the list, bc there was lots of good wendy content And kyle got a little unhinged ^_^ as he deserves <3

s12: this is another one where its so hard to pick... episode 1, tonsil trouble, bc kyle got to go in attack mode again. episode 3, major boobage, bc we got silly little kenny content ^_^ episode 9, breast cancer show ever, bc thats when wendy beat the shit out of cartman <3 episodes 10 and 11, pandemic and pandemic 2, bc. craig content ^_^ and also ive already talked on my blog abt how its the best 2 parter ever. and episode 13, elementary school musical, bc stans gang was particularly goofy n their musical number was so fun ^_^

s13: episode 8, dead celebrities, bc kyle and ike content!!! i love them so much!!! and also episode 11, whale whores, bc stan Attacked And Killed all for the love of animals, n i love him for it

s14: episodes 11, 12, and 13, tha superhero episodes ^_^ i loved getting to see everyones superhero costumes in action And we got to learn more abt kennys immortality, which was so exciting !!

s15: episodes 7 and 8, youre getting old and ass burgers. starts sniffling and crying and collapses on the floor while sobbing. thats all i have to say about that, peace and love

s16: episode 5, butterballs (bc stan is so! hes just so !!! yknow. the anti bullying song in it is So good, And i live for butters standing up for himself ^_^ also the song at the end is god tier), episode 6, i never shouldve gone ziplining (its so fuckn funny, and i live for the live action bit at the end), and episode 11, going native (bc of that sweet, sweet butters n kenny content ^_^ i also live for butters Attacking in it)

s17: episode 4, goth kids 3: dawn of the posers. probably my fav goth kids centric episode ^_^ its so good n funny

s18: episode 3, the cissy. starts sniffling and crying again, but this time in transgender mode. i also love episode 6, freemium isnt free bc we get another Glimpse into stans issues w addiction ^_^ peace and love on planet earth

s19: episode 6, tweek x craig. love wins, gay ptide, etc etc

s20: um. i actually kinda hated this season. but ig if i Had to choose one, itd be episode 10, the end of serialization as we know it, bc it finally ended that season ^_^ no offense to any s20 stans out there, i just thought it was so boring

s21: episode 2, put it down. tweek n craig content, gay ptide ^_^ this is also the one where we learned that tweek can sing, play piano, And bake, and we also got to see craig learn how to support tweek better, which was very sweet ^_^

s22: episode 10, bike parade. i didnt super love this season either, so its kinda a case of picking the one i wasnt bored with. plus in a way it kinda felt like one of the original episodes, it was like a lil blast from the past !

s23: episode 2, band in china ^_^ we got stans band, crimson dawn !! it was great learning more abt how stan felt abt having to move to a farm, plus butters ripping it on a guitar was so funny. and then randy did stuff too idk

s24: this season has just been the 2 specials so far, but i liked the vaccination special, episode 2 the best ^_^ bc 1, the brovorce arc started, n im rly excited to see what happens with that. and also the way it ended left me hopeful that maybe the shows gonna go back to the way it used to be a little bit <3 i also liked how we saw stan gettin really mentally ill with freaking out over the pandemic, but that mightve been in the first episode instead...