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lostxndbroken · 2 years

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FULL NAME: Oliver Jonas Queen NICKNAME/ALIASES: Ollie, The Arrow, The Hood, The Green Arrow, Heir of Ra’s A Ghul, Al Sah-him FACE-CLAIM: Stephen Amell GENDER: Male AGE: In his 30’s (depends on the storyline as well) BIRTHDATE: 16th of May ZODIAC: Taurus RACE: Human ALIGNMENT: Good SPOKEN LANGUAGES: English, Russian, Mandarin, Japanese, Spanish and Cantonese

HEIGHT: 6 feet 1 WEIGHT: 185 lbs BODY TYPE: Fit SKIN TONE: Light tan POSTURE: Confident and depending on the situation closed/defensive EYE COLOR: Aquamarine HAIR COLOR: Dark blonde BIRTHMARKS: Unknown TATTOOS: A dragon’s head on left shoulder (which he got removed later), Bratva tattoo (which later was burned away by Adrian Chase) on his chest and a Kanji tattoo on his side given by John Constantine. PIERCINGS: None SCARS:

Front right pec: scar from Yao Fei’s arrow front left stomach: TV guide says these scars from Billy Wintergreen, but Wintergreen stabbed him, and this scar matches up with the shark bite he received in “Dark Waters”

Front left pec: wound from Moira Queen’s gun

Front left pec: unknown scar

Front left shoulder: scar from Yao Fei’s arrow

Back upper left: unknown scar (IIRC, I believe these are from torture aboard Ivo/Slade’s ship during S2’s flashbacks)

Back upper right: whip scars inflicted by Conklin

Back left-middle: knife slice scars from Bratva initiation trust trial.

Lower back: burn scars

LIKES: Archery, though not a like that his shows. Physical fitness and martial arts is a coping mechanism to keep his mind straight. Reading various of things such as books, articles anything to expand his knowledge. Meditation. Woodworking like designing his own arrows and bows, which also expands to metalworking. Spending time with family and friends even if he doesn’t get to do it as often. He likes to cook healthy and balanced meals, sometimes something less healthy. His motorbike. Charity work. Playing guitar and sometimes the piano. DISLIKES: Corruption. Injustice. Lies and deception, he has a complicated relationship with dishonesty, considering his own history of keeping secrets and leading a double life as the Green Arrow. But he values honesty and transparency in his relationships and his reasons aren't based on selfishness. Violence, despite his role as the vigilante, Oliver doesn't relish in violence for his own sake. Sometimes he has to, but he'd rather resolve conflicts peacefully. Betrayal. He finds it extremely hurtful, no matter if it comes from a friend or a trusted ally. Loss of innocence. He'd feel a sense of despair if someone's innocence is tarnished by crime and violence. Arrogance, ignorance, exploitation of power, selfishness, dishonor. HOBBIES: Archery, physical fitness, martial arts, reading, meditation, woodwork, metalwork, cooking, playing guitar and piano, his motorbike HABITS: Daily training, meditation and mindfulness, healthy eating, strategic planning, maintaining his gear and equipment, keeping his vigilante activities a secret. MORAL: Between Chaotic Good / Neutral / and a bit Evil MOTIVATION: To atone for his own mistakes, protecting Starling City, keeping his family and friends safe, for justice and redemption of other, to the be a symbol of hope for others DISCOURAGEMENT: Personal loss and tragedy, betrayal, struggling with morality and identity, constant threats from enemies, emotional turmoil and trauma, strained relationships and isolation CONFIDENT LEVEL: His level of confidence is complex. Overall he exhibits a high level of confidence in his abilities as the Green Arrow, coming from years of training and his success of fighting crime. But it doesn't come without moments of doubt and insecurities. He grapples with his inner demons, including guilt over his past mistakes and uncertaintly about his moral compas. His confidence is also tested by the betrayal of allies, personal losses and formidable adversaries who push him to his limits GREATEST FEAR/PHOBIA: His greatest fear is failure. Oliver has a great sense of responsibility towards the people of Starling City and those he cares about. Afraid he can't live up to the expectations that is placed upon him.

PARENTS: Robert Queen / Moira Queen SIBLINGS: Thea Queen (maternal half-sister), Emiko Adachi (paternal half-sister) OTHER RELATIVES: Unknown PARENTAL INVOLVEMENT: Though both his parents were loving, they weren’t really involved in his life, they were very secretive, both did things that their children weren’t aware of and caused trouble for them in the future. His father protected Oliver by killing himself and his mother sacrificed herself to save her daughter and sparing Oliver to make the choice.

OCCUPATION: Vigilante, Verdant owner, CEO of Queen Consolidated, Leader of the League of Assassins, Leader of Team Arrow, Mayor of Star City, member of Bratva, A.R.G.U.S. Operative, Shadowspire Operative, Inmate of Slabside Maximum Security, Member of Trigger Twins CLOSE FRIENDS: Tommy Merlyn, Quintin, Sara and Laurel Lance, Felicity Smoak, John Diggle RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Single SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Hetero-Sexual before Lian Yu - Demi-Sexual after ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: Didn’t care before Lian Yu - Demi-Romantic after PREFERRED EMOTIONAL/SEXUAL ROLE: It really depends on his partner and the gender of his partner. Behind doors he might very well be more of a submissive type - just like he can be a top (sometimes dominant), but again - depends on the partner and the trust he has. TURN ON’S: Kisses (with and without tongue) or soft traces with the fingers between his shoulder blades and over his spine, teasing his earlobe with gentle brushes biting and sucking, biting/nibbling his neck and between his neck and shoulders, his lower stomach, scratching during sex - no matter how hard, it turns him on, someone who’s into exploration (for those he trusts completely) gentle touches and strokes over his scars - kissing them, loving his scars TURN OFF’S: Overly dirty talking (but if you start slow while their bond is growing - he can be turned on by it, just not the first couple of times), (serious) conversations during foreplay and sex LOVE LANGUAGE: Silent gestures such as making him coffee, gentle touches and affection RELATIONSHIP TENDENCIES: Running from serious relationships before Lian Yu he did that by cheating - after Lian Yu is pushes people away. There are moments where he is more accepting about relationships but still has moments of running from it.

STRENGTHS: Exceptional combat skills, physical fitness and agility, tactical intelligence, resourcefulness and adaptability, emotional resilience, leadership skills, sense of justice and morality, ability to learn and grow WEAKNESSES: Emotional turmoil, trust issues, self-blame and guilt, strained relationships, impulsiveness and recklessness, inability to let go of the past, vulnerability to manipulation (his loved ones being used against him, secret identity struggles PHYSICAL HEALTH: Exemplary MENTAL HEALTH: Poor. (PTSS, guilt and self-blame, identity crisis, trust issues, anger and impulsivity, emotional detachment)

Oliver was once a flamboyant young man that lived his life the way he wanted. Though when he returned from Lian Yu, Hong Kong and Russia, he was never the same. He’s stubborn, closed off, distant and can be very controlling of himself and others. Over the years, his personality developed into that of a more loving man, though he remained stubborn. The loving side would shift back and forth as he doesn’t want his loved ones to get hurt and it can result in him pushing everyone away.

Maintaining his Arrow identity involves telling many lies, which don’t always go unnoticed. It ends with Oliver hurting people, but sometimes that is better than them knowing the truth and putting them in harms way.

Oliver Queen, a bold and adventurous young man, living life on his own terms. During that period, he had a girlfriend named Laurel Lance, but he betrayed her by having an affair with her sister, Sara Lance. Oliver and Sara enjoyed a boat trip with his father, all the while hiding Oliver’s affair from Laurel.

In the depths of the sea, Sara vanished when the Gambit sank on a stormy night. Oliver, his father, and one more crew member boarded the life-raft. Running out of supplies and drifting for days, Robert took a drastic measure to ensure his son’s safety. Robert handed him a notebook filled with names and instructed him to fix his mistakes. His father said his last goodbyes to his son, who desperately tried to convince him that there was another way, but he adamantly stated that there was not, and ultimately took his own life in front of his son.

Oliver discovered that the island he ended up on, Lian Yu, was far from being a friendly place. It was here that he came across Yao Fei, who took him in to some extent, although not in the typical hospitable way. He learned the techniques of hunting, fighting, and surviving on the island from Yao Fei. Later on, he crossed paths with Slade Wilson and Shado Fei, both of whom played a crucial role in honing his survival skills.

His time on that island was filled with a multitude of painful experiences, both mentally and physically. In his quest to return home, Oliver faced being used, blackmailed, and all sorts of unimaginable things. He was prepared to alter his demeanor and go incognito in order to achieve his goals. This is how he encountered John Constantine, the man who also marked him with a protective tattoo on his side, though the meaning of this tattoo remained unclear then.

On Lian Yu, Oliver learned Sara didn’t die in the boat accident, but she too was under someone’s power and being used for the things she could do (which she had learned from Ivo and his crew). She had hardened and, just like Oliver, she was not the same girl as before she entered the Queen’s Gambit.

But as Oliver and his friends fought their way for freedom, someone had been watching Oliver from afar (keyhole hexagon satellite) and decided to rescue Oliver, seeing him as a potential asset to A.R.G.U.S. Once he was secure, Amanda Waller moved Oliver to Hong Kong.

Oliver made a couple of attempts to escape Amanda Waller (Director of A.R.G.U.S.) but failed. In Hong Kong, a lot happened. Just like on Lian Yu, he got hurt, used and blackmailed to do someone else’s bidding.

Same goes for when he ended up in Russia, only they were crueler than most things he had experienced. Oliver had a mission to seek revenge for a woman he had met on Lian Yu (Taiana Venediktov). Killing Konstantin Kovar was an impossible mission on his own, so Anatoly offered him to be initiated into the Bratva (Russian Mafia).

The plan was to kill Kovar at his casino, and with help, he believed he had killed him. During these events, Oliver saved Anatoly and because of that, Oliver was granted a captain’s position.

When Oliver finally returned to Starling City, his family had to accept that the Oliver they once knew was gone. He had to find out that his mother had moved on and married another man named Walter Steele, a man who used to work for Robert Queen at Queen Consolidated.

Oliver kept his promise to his father and his nightly activities were shielded by a hood he was given by Yao Fei. With a bow and arrows, he would hunt the people down and cross off the names on his father’s list by killing them.

Though he changed his ways after the incident in the Glades. Malcolm Merlyn had plans to level the Glades by using a machine that caused earthquakes. Though the primary plan failed, many people died, and so did Oliver’s best friend, Tommy. Oliver made a promise to him that killing would not be the path he would continue to follow.

Along the road of being the Hood/The Arrow/Green Arrow, Oliver gained a couple of allies. John Diggle and Felicity Smoak. Later also, Roy Harper joined him and even his sister. Even further throughout his adventures, he recruited Curtis, Rene, and Dinah to his team.

Oliver’s island experience wasn’t the only time he had vanished from the radar. He was trained by the League of Assassins, becoming the heir of Ra’s al Ghul and was betrothed to his daughter. The reason that he became the heir was because he had survived a fatal strike in a one-on-one fight with Ra’s and the reason he stayed was because he wanted to save his sister’s life, as she was comatose. During his captivity by the League, Oliver trusted the man his team despised and left his friends out of the plan, which was Malcolm Merlyn, Thea’s real father.

When Oliver was visiting Central City, he saw the woman who he once had an affair with too, Samantha Clayton, and with her was a boy around the age of ten. Later, he learned William was his son.

When Oliver became mayor of Star City, he had to face a lot of different complications, one that the Green Arrow couldn’t solve. The reason he became the mayor was because he wanted to help the people of the city during the day and not just during the night. Adrian Chase, a man who had won Oliver’s trust by being the DA and solving a lot of lawful issues. Prometheus was the focus at the time, a villain who went after Oliver for revenge. Later, Oliver learned Adrian was Prometheus and told him that everything and everyone he touches get hurt one way or the other, or end up dead. Adrian did a big number on Oliver and was always ten steps ahead of him.

Oliver ended up in a down spiral, believing everything Adrian said. He played the cards so well that Oliver was rarely the one who got affected by the events, but his friends sure did. Curtis ended up being divorced, Felicity losing her boyfriend by Oliver’s arrow (Adrian disguising him as Prometheus and Oliver thought it was best to kill him at that time) and so many more loved ones got hurt in Adrian’s plan.

Adrian had kidnapped a lot of Oliver’s loved ones and had taken them to Lian Yu, including Samantha and their son. When Oliver exposed the one thing that Adrian didn’t see coming was that Adrian’s father was about to disown him because he was crazy, this became the reason that Adrian shot himself in the head and since the bombs all spread out on the island were linked to his life… The island exploded. A lot of Oliver’s loved ones survived, though Samantha did not and since Oliver was William’s father, he moved in with him.

Being a father, mayor and the Green Arrow wasn’t easy, with one role he let down the others, especially his son most of the time. Eventually, Oliver was exposed as the Green Arrow, and though he claimed not to be, his title as mayor was removed. In order to capture another criminal, called Diaz, Oliver was forced to reveal his secret to the FBI as he asked them for help to capture him. He ended up in a Super-Max while Diaz escaped (though not unharmed). While Oliver spend his time in jail, he had to play parts that were against his moral, but he needed to find out more about Diaz in order to bring him down. His friends and family were in danger as long as Diaz remained free.

But in order to gain more info, he had to work himself into level 2 of Slabside and quickly learned that how things went down there weren’t quite by the book. He was mentally tortured. They used drugs on him and electric therapy. Once he was ready, they allowed him to go to the next phase. At level 2, they break prisoners down and are not meant to be released, ever, not alive anyway.

There he found the Demon (AKA Talia al Ghul) who has been his trainer and friend, his enemy and now decided together to put their past aside for the time being to get out of the second level. The pair got the information about level 2 and Talia escapes the prison with the details and delivered them to Laurel. Level 2 gets dismantled and Oliver is returned to his previous cell.

Eventually, Diaz makes the move to kill Oliver Queen, hiring a couple of men inside the prison to accomplish, but Oliver isn’t quick to kill.

Laurel Lance (from Earth-2) made a deal for Oliver. If Diaz is captured, Oliver will be set free. Sadly, Diaz escapes and goes after Oliver Queen himself. With a lot of bruises and wounds, Oliver defeats Diaz and locks him up in Slabside. He was then allowed to go home.

Everyone knows now that Oliver is the Green Arrow and, since there is an anti-vigilante law, he can no longer be the hero he once was. So Dinah Drake deputizes him and makes him part of SCPD. Shortly after, his entire team becomes deputized, and all of them work with the police for a while. But they don’t play well with their rules, and Dinah makes Team Arrow a special team that operates through their own bunker.

Be aware that in this case ‘enhanced’ means that he trained a lot in order to achieve this – he is not a superhuman.

Enhanced Reflexes - Green Arrow prefers to use bow and arrows in combat, despite using a ranged weapon Green Arrow is able to easily combat enemies at close range. He is able to evade and manoeuvre quickly in order to get a point blank shot with his pin point accuracy.

Enhanced Speed - Green Arrow has a large build, but is very quick on his feet. In order to gain a perfect shot, he is used to quickly moving around viewpoints with his speed.

Enhanced Strength - He also possesses enough strength to knock out most of his enemies at close range using either his bow or his fists alone.

Enhanced Stamina - As the eternal robin hood of Star City, Green Arrow has a finely tuned fatigue and damage resistance. He is able to patrol for hours even at his age and effectively utilize whatever energy he has.

Master Combatant - While highly preferring to use his ranged weaponry, Green Arrow is well versed in the arts of hand to hand combat. He is able to subdue a number of enemies without any arrows while either aided the blunt force of his bow, or simply is fists.

Master Marksman - He has incredible dexterity and accuracy with his bow and arrows and rarely ever misses his targets. He is effective at utilizing his range and knowledge of several different kinds of trick arrows in his arsenal, having skilfully memorized each and every one.

Master of Stealth - He is well versed in the arts of sneaking around, he is effectively able to use the silent effect of his archery while never being spotted by a target.

#〘 oliver queen 〙#〘 head canon: oliver queen 〙#〘 head canon 〙

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langenschwert · 3 years

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Fuck #Alberta winters. 😡 😭 😡 #yyc #calgary #canada #winter #conklin #bass #electricbass #bassguitar #7stringbass #guitarrepair #music #tears #repair #diy #tape #clamp #guitar (at Calgary, Alberta) https://www.instagram.com/p/CWWvSPzPWOf/?utm_medium=tumblr

#alberta #yyc #calgary #canada #winter #conklin #bass #electricbass #bassguitar #7stringbass #guitarrepair #music #tears #repair #diy #tape #clamp #guitar

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julieloves074 · 2 years

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Missing (Conrad Fisher x Y/n)

Summary: Conrad’s rejection to the Deb ball turned out not to be the hardest punch Y/n had to experience this summer, being forced to watch him show up for Belly was much worse

Warnings: swearing, drinking, kissing, sadness, pain, anxiety

Words: 9.8k

(Not my Gif :))

I knew mom was waiting for this moment since I was a little girl, in a way I was excited for it too, especially considering that I was going to be doing it with one of my best friends. Growing up during the summers next door to the Fisher’s and consequently the Conklins was the best thing that could have happened to me. These summers are my whole life, nothing outside them matters, it’s all a pass by, all the count down to summer.

This year I knew would be different, starting with the fact I was going to be a deb, I knew what the Fisher boys’ thought about the whole ordeal but I also knew how Susannah felt about it so I wasn’t worried. I knew I’d have Belly on my side too because she accepted Susannah’s pleas after a little persuasive work from me. It was a little strange to me because Belly is a year younger (16 years old ) than Jere but I also know Susannah knows how to pull some strings, able to get us to do this together.

The Fisher’s and my home may as well have been intertwined, everyone was always in and out of both, doors always open. This wasn’t just something our mom’s implicated though, my mom would always play with Susannah and Laurel when they came to the house when they were smaller as well, these were the kinds of traditions I wanted when I was older, this one specifically I wanted to upkeep.

We’ve been back in Cousins for three days now and everything has slotted right back into place. “Morning Y/n” Susannah said as I ambled through the back door into their kitchen, bright smile on my face, I searched the room for him. The boy that I had been hopelessly in love with since I can remember, also known as one of my best friends: Conrad Fisher.

“How are you feeling about your book party tomorrow Laur?” I asked turning to the women at the table.

“Well I asked Susannah and your mother not to make a big deal of it, but as always they never listen, so as ready as I can be?” she answered in a questioning manner. I knew what Susannah and my mom were preparing for weeks on the build up to this book release, Laurel deserved something big and exciting after all this stuff with the divorce and Susannah’s race against cancer over the last two year.

The two blonde women were not helping themselves though, Suze and mom sat beside Laurel like giddy little school girls, they’re always like this when they’re together, they forget about the whole world around them. In a way they’re like us kids.

“Well Grace and I thought you deserved it!” Susannah said pointedly before taking another sip of coffee and shooting my mom another few nods.

“What about you honey, are you ready for some Deb shopping today?” Laurel asked, more than ready to change the subject of the conversation, “Belly’s just upstairs getting some last bits ready,” she continues.

“You guys know I can never say no to a shopping trip,” I say, the end coming out high pitched, and the three women laughed along with me, but it was Susannah who never left my sight, she could look into anyone’s soul and figure out everything that’s going on with as much as a simple look.

“Jere and Steven left for work already but Con’s upstairs,” she says with a subtle nod, one side of her lips perked up too, mom and Laurel went back to their conversation so I gave Suze a small smile and she only winked back in response.

I jog up the stairs and hear the Belly shuffle around in her room, but decide to walk past her door, ending up a few doors further, from which behind the strums of a guitar fill my ears. I don’t knock just open the door enough to pop my head in.

“Morning Connie,” I say, his head snaps immediately to me and a smirk appears on half of his face, these half smiles run in their family, his an exact reflection of the one Susannah agave me moments ago.

“Are you planning on being a flying head or are you gonna come in Y/n?” he says shaking his head, Con hates when you don’t knock on his door, or wait for an answer before coming in, but he should know we’re past that point now.

“You wanna hit up the pier in a bit?” he asks putting the guitar down next to him, he never wanted to play in front of anyone, not even me, but I knew he could play well, so sometimes it made me go mental in my head about the fact that he was so stubborn.

“How about surfing tomorrow morning? I have to go shopping with Bells and the mom’s today,” I say moving my hand up to push his hair out his face, usually he gets a haircut before the summer, never really short but just enough to make it stay out his eyes- I wonder what made him leave it this summer.

“Ah yes for the,” he switched to a posh voice, “Debutante Ball,” he laughed at himself and I pushed him down onto the bed shaking my head.

“It’s really not that funny,” I say, hiding the irritation in my voice, I knew he disliked these things, they were very stuck in the old ways but I explained it to him so many times, it was something nice for the mom’s and also looked pretty damn good on college applications.

“Come on little sheep, you have to admit it’s a little stupid,” he says, lifting his arm for my assistance, I smack it away with a playful huff, his smile widens and he moves the guitar off the bed before grabbing me and pulling me to lie down next to him. His face centimetres away from mine, we’ve been close like this before, in this exact position during many movie nights but the air tasted different now.

“I’m down for tomorrow, as long as you’re still good for the party tonight? Jere’s being dd,” he mused, brushing some hair out of my face, “so we can finally get hammered together!”

“Not sure we’ll wake up for surfing tomorrow,” I shook my head and turned my face away from him, all of a sudden the eye contact too much.

“It’s fine I’ll wake you up and you know it,” the confidence in his voice made the butterflies in my stomach expand. Conrad was a morning person through and through, no matter how much he drinks, how late he goes to bed or more recently (which I hate) how high he gets he will be awake at seven sharp, if not earlier.

“One of your traits that I don’t particularly love,” I muffle and stretched my arms out, letting out a laugh getting comfy on his bed, I could lie here with him like this for days.

“Shut up Y/n/n you love me for it too,” he says confidently once again, and again he wasn’t wrong but I couldn’t give him that satisfaction, so I scoffed and shook my head instead, “So you’re there tonight right? You’re not gonna stay in with the moms and watch Leonardo DiCaprio movies?” he pulled the puppy eyes and tugged at me to look at them, fingers splayed over my cheek.

“Don’t ever attack DiCaprio again,” I point my finger at him as if I was scolding a little child.

“My sincerest apologies, Leo is great, now say you’re coming,” he pushed, I give him another shove and agree. There was no question about it, I was going to go no matter what, I was not about to miss this party plus he was right the last few parties last year we couldn’t drink tigether because we were switching as designated driver, last year Jeremiah found his love of some new drink and drunk even when he was meant to be driving, it drove us insane.

“You know I’m there Fisher,” I say confidently this time, pushing to sit up.

Con grabbed my arm, “You sure you have to go? I’m sure my mom can find you some clothes,” he whined but I just shook my head. Just looking at him made my heart melt, the way I could easily fall into his arms now, confess this feeling, kiss him, if not for…

“Y/N! Get your butt down here right now we’re leaving!!!!” Belly screamed from downstairs. Belly, one of my childhood best friends, the only other girl in our little families, also had a huge, fat crush on Conrad Fisher, from the minute she knew what the word meant, and from before then I assume.

“See you later Sheep,” Con gave me a wave and a smirk before reaching for his guitar.

“Call me sheep one more time Fisher and you can send out new best friend applications,” I said jokingly, brows lifting accusatorily, he lifts his hands up in defence and laughs, I just stick my tongue out at him and head downstairs, when I arrive I painfully tried to think about anything but Belly’s sad face knowing I was with Con again. Part of my tried to not care, I mean what did she expect, we were friends before she was even born, well I was a baby and he was one year old but still.

Shopping took up a lot than even Belly and I anticipated, so by the time we got back the moms decided we should order pizza for dinner knowing that we wanted to go to a party and they had a long list of films to be watched tonight.

Following our normal regime Steven, Jere and Belly set out the table and after dinner me and Con were left to clean up, the moms insisted on helping us but we ushered them away, mainly because this was usually the only time Con and I would have alone. Yet now he wasn’t excited about explaining some new theory or gossiping about something that happened at a party in Boston. Today we walked around the table grabbing plates in silence, tip toeing around each other.

Confusion fused through my skin in my nerves, he was fine earlier, “You want to talk about it?” I asked trying to sound optimistic, staring at him in hopes of meeting his beautiful, ocean eyes- they were never as bright as Jeremiah’s but they were much deeper, like a hidden world at the deepest point in the ocean, I could never get tired of exploring them.

“What?” he asked looking up confused, rushing a hand through his hair, like waking up from some kind of trans.

“You wanna talk about?” I asked again this time more cautiously.

“Nothing to talk about,” this time he’s more defensive, looking back at the table grabbing the last few things and walking over to the dishwasher. I question prodding the subject further, but something tells me I don’t want to know what’s bothering him.

“I’ll finish up here you probably have to get ready,” he puts on a fake stretched out smile, that doesn’t suit him at all, but doesn’t look up from the dishwasher.

“Are you sure? I’m more than happy to help, we always do this together” I express, hoping, praying that he’ll ask me to stay but of course he doesn’t.

“I just want to get to the party, I don’t want to wait,” he mumbles, I don’t pick apart what he means, whether he’s throwing an insult at me taking long to get ready or whether the only thing that can cure his sudden sour mood is a drink. Either way I set myself ten minutes to get ready just in case it was the first thing- I didn’t need to but I want to prove him wrong.

All in all, I was downstairs ready to go before he was, bearing in mind that he came upstairs a few minutes after me. Con didn’t say anything to me after that, he just got behind the wheel offering to drive there since Jere was driving home afterwards. Jere and Steven quickly run to get in the back, Belly and I pace normally to the car. Slowing down even further when we spot the seat in the front, I think we both had an unspoken hope that this situation wouldn’t happen. I meet her hopefully eyes with dread, we pause for a second.

I think to let her sit in the front but a small part of me feels a sting of jealously so I’m about to take a step towards the front seat before my focus is torn away by Con’s voice “Belly get in the front,” he says patting the seat next to him. All of a sudden a sharp shock passes through my heart, to say I’m taken aback was an understatement, I lifted my head, gifted her a smile and got in the back.

I spent the drive awkwardly stuck between listening to two conversations, now I was the one needing a drink. We never usually had this problem, when Con drove to parties I was always in the front because Belly was too young to go with us, this was new and I didn’t like it one bit.

I headed to the drinks table the second we arrived leaving everyone else behind. I tip the shot of vodka down my throat and pour another right after ready for another pulse of burn.

“Slow down girl or you won’t even be able to hit up the dancefloor with us!” Nicole announced pulling me into a quick side hug, followed by Shayla.

“Stop, no because I need to drown everything out,” I say in an exaggerated way.

“Well in that case, I guess we’re all getting blackout drunk tonight,” Shayla said in her beautiful accent that I would never get over, “A sister never leaves a sister behind,” she raised a shot.

“I love you guys- seriously,” I say flashing them with a thankful look, joining my hands in a pretend prayer, then take a shot alongside them. I’ve known these two as long as the kids from our two houses, I keep in contact with them year round and they’re never not ones for a good time, in all fairness every year we become closer. Right now I’m thankful to my mom for forcing me to make friends outside of the Fishers’ and Conklins’.

Just because Conrad was ignoring me doesn’t mean I wasn’t going to have fun tonight. So that’s what I did, we had a few rounds of shots, then made some drinks so we could go dance, after the two hour mark hit I really thought Con was going to look for me so we could have that drink together he really wanted, but nothing. So, we had another round of shots before Shayla asked, “So what’s up? What are we trying to forget?” I just brush it off knowing that Nicole also thought she had something going on with Con.

“I’m trying to forget remember?” I ask lifting another shot and taking it straight, Nicole excuses herself to go to the toilet, Shayla uses this as an opportunity to grab me and rush outside to the back and question me further.

“Is this about Conrad?” the interrogation begins.

“No, he’s just in some kind of mood suddenly and we were meant to be getting hammered tonight so I’m just doing it without him,” I explain.

Shayla swallows down whatever she wants to say next, but then perks up again with a concerned face, how she’s so composed looking after all those drinks I could never tell but I’m sure as hell slurring my words, “You should tell Nicole nothing’s going to happen between them,” she said but that wasn’t what I was expecting, it pulled me to a stop, I blinked a few times to get a clearer look at Shayla.

“I’m in no place to do that,” I argue

“She’s your friend and your guys’ (Fisher’s and yours), families are practically one big family so I think she deserves to know that you like him, and that he definitely likes you back so she won’t have him,” Shayla explains in a hushed tone.

Shayla knew I liked him before I even told her, one weekend when we were fifteen her parents had to go to England for some emergency meeting so Shayla stayed with us for three days, those days we learnt a lot about each other including the fact that she had an eye for Steven Conklin but said she refused to make a move until he got his life a bit more together- and she pried out that I liked Conrad.

“He does not like me back,” I say with finality, “We’ve talked about this, and right about now I’m in need and dire want of another drink so whether you’re coming with me or not-” I say with a cheeky smile and start walking back towards the glass doors.

Shayla rolls her eyes and walks behind me, “Just think about the Nicole thing, we’ll talk about it when you’re sober,” she says before taking a shot, her eye darting to one of the couches in the front room. My eyes follow hers to spot Con and Belly sat really close to each other, sipping their drinks and whispering to each other in the admittedly loud room.

“Is that why you’re so determined he doesn’t like you?” Shayla semi-whispered into my ear, without as much as thinking about it I nod.

“They get closer year by year, I’m losing him like the grains of sand in an hourglass,”

“I forget you become a poet when you’re drunk,”

“I think he likes her back he’s just too…” I search for the word but fail to find it, “Too Conrad to say it,” I express taking a shot

“You guys have always been attached at the hip when we see you though!” she expressed grabbing passionately onto my arm.

“It’s because Belly was never allowed to go out with us,” I point out, “She’s different this year, everything seems different,” I start to ponder everything.

Shayla quickly realises I’m about to give an analogy on growing up and changing so she pushes another shot into my hand and says “You were right tonight is about forgetting!” we twisted our arms around each other and turned to the dance floor, Nicole was gone for quite a while, we assumed she’d gone to hook up with someone.

Taylor Swift’s ‘Better Than Revenge’ comes on and me and Shay decide to scream it at the top of our lungs while gripping onto each other and jumping around the front room, right in front of Con and Belly- not intentionally (but I was glad it happened) rather because that’s where everyone else was dancing.

It wasn’t for another hour and a half of drinking, dancing and belting out songs that we were interrupted by a tall figure, “Hey Y/n can I steal you for a drink,” the figure asks. I don’t need to look up from Shayla to know who it is.

“Uh a bit busy right now, really getting into ‘abcdefu’ by Gayle maybe later,” I shout over the music, exaggerating the ‘fu’ then breaking out into the chorus of the song, it’s a bit uncomfortable singing in front of him because I love his mom so the ‘fuck you and your mom’ line doesn’t sit right with me. Still he doesn’t move away, I try to ignore him but then the song ends and I’m praying for another one I know well enough to where I can use it as an excuse.

Just as if the universe hates me the next song is kind of dead and Shayla says she might pee herself if she doesn’t get to a bathroom right about now. I curse her for it, not quite sure if she was being honest or not.

“Come on let’s grab a drink outside,” he says laying his hand on my arm and pulling me towards the drinks table, I let him pour me some drink before pulling me out to the front, most people sat in the back so it was somewhat peaceful on this side of the house, he sat down on the swing but I stood beside it leaning against the wall.

“Wow not even going to come sit next to me I see how it is,” he says, usually this was the key to make me sit down but drunk Y/n was stubborn as hell, probably more than him, “Ow wow come on what is with you?” he runs a frustrated hand through his hair.

“Well I was having a fun time dancing with Shayla and you’ve made me come sit outside in the dead silence,” I comment looking out into the street filled with cars, spotting Jere’s jeep with no problem, still perfectly fine right ahead on the opposite side of the road.

“Thought we were drinking together tonight?” he asks

“Yeah me too,” My voice quick, sassy, snappy

“You’re the one who practically ran out of the car,” he accused turning his whole body my way

“You were ignoring me- and don’t act like you didn’t have company,” I say

“Fucks sake Y/n, you’re being jealous of Belly right now? Seriously?” he laughed and it boiled my skin over again.

“I’m not jealous I was having a good time,” I shrug taking a chug

“It’s her first party, she was hoping for someone who she knows to be there with her at least in the beginning,” he explained running a hand over his forehead, some guilt did flood my brain, I forgot that Belly has always stayed with the moms to the point where she didn’t really know anyone outside the circle. On the other hand in this state I couldn’t be bothered to use my brain- or well couldn’t focus on anything for too long or the fuzz started to ache.

“Come sit down and give me this deserved drink together,” I push off the wall at his words but then Jeremiah bursts through the front door with Belly and Steven in the middle of them, drunk out of his mind.

“There’s cops on the way, we need to get out!” he quickly announced I let out an annoyed huff and went for another chug of my drink, the bottom containing the most alcohol I pulled a face and threw the red cup on the floor. Attempting to stay up while walking down the stairs but failed quickly, Con grabs onto my arm and hooks it around his shoulder- I try to push him off but give up realising I’d rather avoid getting any drunk bruises this early into the summer.

“I think at least you’ve completed our goal- somewhat,” he laughs helping me into the back seat getting in beside me, Steven on my other side. Belly sits with Jere in the front. When we arrive the front room lights are still on but as we walk in we realise that all the moms have fallen asleep on the couch. Everyone’s getting their shoes off and heads upstairs but I head straight to the back doors.

Seeing the beach and ocean felt like a nice idea at two in the morning.

“Where are you going?” Con asks from behind me as I pull open the doors. I turn around and flash him a smile, that’s answer enough, the beach’s been our escape for years, “I’ll go with you,” I hear faintly from behind me as I run towards the beach.

The sand feels amazing under my bare feet so much so that I lift hands widely into the air and scream into the universe “WOOOOOO!” before turning around and running my hands through my hair, the rush of the night waves better than any music, Con laughs watching me.

I fall back onto the sand, sitting comfortably looking up at the sky full of stars, “I love the beach at night, it’s so much better than in the day,” I announce to no one particularly, apart from the fact that Con is right next to me now.

I turn to face him, his gaze at my face is so intense, in this light his eyes seem almost as dark as a blackhole, he brushes some hair out of my face, her fingers lingering there for a moment, I swallow down and look at his lips by accident and back to his eyes, biting into my bottom lip from embarrassment at how oblivious that made me look. His thumb fell down to my lips, he freed my bottom lip from my teeth.

“Conrad,” I whisper into his hand, he closes his eyes and his lips part, he moves forwards slightly to where I can feel his breath on me. I push forwards, nose to nose, breathing heavily, he’s the one to give the final push, bringing his lips to mine.

As if created to do just this my hands rush to his hair. His other hand places hold onto my hip squeezing it comfortably. It feels warm and amazing and comfortable. The butterflies in my stomach freed from their cage for the first time, running wild and free in my stomach, my hands, my lips. He pulls away fast, retracting his hands back to himself, I brush my hair behind my ears and run my hands over my face which was no doubt red as roses.

“Lets head back,” he says getting up, I assume it’s because he doesn’t want to do this drunk, the thought of this happening again makes me more sober, I jump up and follow him. He doesn’t speak, maybe he’s too busy thinking about what the hell just happened. He walks me to my back door and watches as I lock the door before leaving for his own house. As I take off my makeup the smile doesn’t disappear off my face, it does though when I retch before heading to bed, falling asleep in an instant, replaying the last few events over in my mind.

----

The next I wake up to the smell of pancakes, I take a deep breath in through my nose, the sweetness filling my body up whole. As I lay there with my eyes closed smiling, ready for my favourite breakfast a reminder of yesterday comes to me, the same smile clouded my face- for a very different reason though. Last night I kissed Conrad Fisher, last night Conrad Fisher kissed me. It was all like a fever dream.

Pulling my phone off the bedside table I notice the time, it was twenty to ten in the morning, this was late for me. Not that I was expecting there to be some huge love confession as a text from Con but there was nothing, not even a silly ‘good morning’. Maybe he was still asleep, though that would be rare, being a morning bird like myself.

“Y/n! Wake up honey!” I can hear my mom from downstairs.

“I am mom! I’ll be down in a sec!” I reply, brushing the lack of message on my phone and throw on some shorts and a cropped top before rushing down for a warm breakfast.

“This is delicious as always mom, how was the film night?” I asked eagerly hoping she wouldn’t ask me about last night, I hadn’t decided yet what I wanted to tell her.

“It was really good honey, you know I love eating with you but I’ve got to rush off- there’s still some things Susannah and I have to set up for Laurel’s book signing tonight,” she kissed my forehead grabbing the car keys and rushing out the back door through to the garden next door.

After I cleaned up I followed in her steps and made my way to the Fisher’s, which I would have done earlier but again… pancakes.

“Heyyyy Y/n!” Jeremiah shouts up from the pool where him and Belly are throwing around a beach ball “You coming in for a morning swim?” he asks with a grin taking a step towards Belly, my eyes narrowed the tiniest amount but I quickly shook it off.

“No- um I’m actually looking for you brother?” I say in a question tone, Jere’s brows furrow and he looks to Belly who simply shrugs.

“He left early this morning, none of us were even awake yet,” his tone apologetic, I stood there for another moment thinking of whether he’d told me he had anything going on today, I must have zoned out because when I come back into conscious I witness Jere being more touchy than usual with the younger Conklin, hands on her hips and all.

I don’t say anything more, they were clearly lost in some their own little world. Had something happened between last summer and now between these two- because last time I checked the dark haired girl was in deep for the older Fisher brother, I mean I was not about to complain if she decided that Jeremiah was actually the one for her.

Steven had also snook out in the morning according to Laurel, except they knew where he were, he asked Shayla if he could take her to see the sunrise this morning, he’d found an amazing spot near the end of last summer, where you could see the perfect glow of the oranges and yellows as the day began. How Shayla could be bothered to wake up that early especially after all those drinks last night I would never know.

So now it was just Laurel left in the house, I offered to bake something with her while talking about new book releases, it didn’t feel right to leave her all by herself on her day. After that we sat in the front room just talking, it was nice, Laurel and I hasn’t had a time to catch up like this, just the two of us, in a while.

Conrad didn’t come home for hours, to the point where I had to excuse myself and head home to get ready for the event, I offered to stay and get ready with Laurel so that I could catch Con when he’d come in but she said she’d be fine and that she’d see me at the bookstore. I complied with a smile but let out a sigh of disappointment down my throat.

I put on a new red dress that mom and I found in an “side of the highway” shopping centre in the literal middle of nowhere, I curled my hair and put on some mascara- nothing much, we were in Cousins Beach after all and here everyone walked with surfing, beach wave hair and clear faces sun burned.

Mom came home just in time to get changed and drive us to the event. All of the other kids were already there when we arrived, I said hi to the owner before making spotting Conrad around the corner smiling at something, at first I thought it was at a book he was holding. I started coming up with every possible question about the book I could ask to get a normal conversation flowing- all of a sudden I didn’t know how to talk to one of my best friends.

Then I rounded the corner and saw Belly standing next to him telling something which consisted of her flailing her hands around animatedly, laughing and smiling. I strained my ear only to overhear “No that second song you played me on the guitar earlier was so much better than the other one”. My arms dropped dead at my sides- he played on his guitar for Belly, after refusing to play for me for years.

“Hey Y/n!” A voice called behind me before I could figure out what to say to the people in front of me.

“Hi Austin,” I said tying with all my might to give some enthusiasm, yet I could hear that I was failing miserably. Austin was lovely, black midnight hair, pearly white teeth and a golden smile but there was something about him. The poor boy didn’t seem to get a hint, for the last three summers he’s tried asking me out and I’ve been avoiding him. Not to be mean but I just don’t have it in my heart to wound his. Don’t get me wrong he’s hot and has the personality of an angel with a sprinkle of spice for flavour and adventure but he wasn’t- he wasn’t Conrad.

“How have you been?” he asked reaching out to touch my arm, I pulled away absentmindedly making it look as though I was fixing up my hair.

“I’ve been busy, you know all these extra after school clubs and voluntary events,” I said.

“Yeah you did mention over message back in… what was it… like March,” the point he was making was awkward but the way he said it was exactly the opposite, he was always optimistic and for some reason it was just too much for me. That started him off on a long rant- what he said was a ‘catch-up’ for all the missed texts- which didn’t stop until Susannah tapped a little teaspoon on her glass of champagne. I thanked the gods and Susannah in my head. This was my chance for an escape, so I took it.

“This is to my best friend and another of her wonderful achievements, Laurel you are a wonder so please enjoy this and here’s to your current book and the next one!” she announced picking her glass up, everyone within the small store followed, and everyone drank. I scanned the busy room again, this time to find Conrad sitting on the couch, drink in one hand phone in the other.

Belly, Jere and Steven were trying to pile as many books on Steven’s head as possible so I took this chance too. Sitting down next to Con I looked straight ahead.

“Hey,” I let out after a second of silence.

“Hi,” he said back.

“What were you up to today I came looking for you,” I started giving a second of space for him to say something but nothing came out so I continued “You know for our surfing session,”. He didn’t as much as look up from his phone.

“Hey can I ask you something?” I said into the awkward space between us.

“Shoot,” he murmured.

“I um- don’t know if this is coming out of nowhere or whether I’m totally overthinking this but I was wondering whether um-“ for some unknown reason, which I hated, I couldn’t get my words out with Con today, everything felt thrown of its axis within our little bubble, “Would you wanna be my escort for the Deb ball?” I got the words out quietly turning my whole body to face him.

He looked up startled at my question, “Y/n-”

“I mean I know you said you were never going to one of those but I figured that after we kissed last night that maybe you’d do it for me?” it all fell out of my mouth like vomit.

Conrad’s eyes opened wider, his mouth slightly ajar as if he was just spoiled for an upcoming movie, “We should talk outside,” he murmured getting up, at this I started to worry. The air was getting chilly now and I didn’t bring a jacket, Con was wearing one of his zip-up jackets pulling it closer as we stood in front of the window to the bookstore.

“I’m not going to be your escort to the ball, I said I was never going to go to one of those and I meant it-”

“You went with Nicole last year,” my voice perked up.

“Yeah because my mom forced me, I was the only one who knew the waltz, I’m not being a sheep” he argued somewhat defensively now.

“Ok that’s fine,” I say even though it’s not fine, another insult to my face “I just assumed that because we kissed last night you’d do it for me,”

“I don’t remember that, I was so fucked in the head drunk,” he interrupted

“What-” my brows furrowed in confusion and my throat felt like a desert all of a sudden so I shook my head, trying to clear my memory of the event, “You always remember everything when you drink, you said it yourself,” I challenge

“Well what do you want me to say?- Sorry,” his voice half-bothered looking anywhere but my eyes.

“No, what do you mean- I” I didn’t know what to say to him, my heart felt like it was made out of glass, like it was thrown angrily onto the kitchen floor in the middle of a fight, smashed into pieces so small that they couldn’t even be put back together with the world’s strongest glue.

“It didn’t mean anything, I’m not going to the stupid, sheep deb ball with you, I don’t know what else you want me to say,” he said in a final tone and finally looked at me, his eyes showing no emotion, it made me feel small and stupid. I was never one to foolishly believe in something so quickly and easily, but that kiss last night- I was sure it had meant something.

I couldn’t open my mouth to respond, even if I could I wouldn’t be sure what to say, I just shrunk beneath his gaze until I felt like I was in drowning in the concrete. Con turned around and made his way back inside, through the window I could see him pouring himself a drink and making his way to a hidden away corner of the store.

It wasn’t until he was completely out of my sight that I felt like I could breathe. What had just happened, this had to be a fever dream. Another strong breeze danced by pulling a shiver from my body. I made my way back inside, poured myself a drink and stood in the middle of the store. Everything foreign all of a sudden I didn’t know where to place myself, who to talk to.

Susannah always believed from the moment my mom found out she was pregnant that I was going to be destined for one of her boys, now I’m standing in the middle of the our only book store in town wondering whether she knew how wrong she was, or maybe if this is some cruel obstacle in the road.

----

After that night Con and I didn’t speak to each other very much, he didn’t try to reach out and I didn’t know how to speak to him without feeling a stab of pain and confusion and embarrassment. He’d be normal when our families were together, but there was never a moment when we were alone, if he could feel that’s what was going to happen he would evacuate the situation. It made me feel sick, ugly, like some kind of disease he was scared of catching.

By the time another party came around, literally like three days later I was drinking to my broken heart’s content, so wrapped up in Conrad’s rejection that I gave in and danced with Austin which quickly turned into drinking with Austin and sneaking outside with Austin. I thought he would try to kiss me, we sat on the person’s swing, my legs over his, his one hand on my thigh but he didn’t try.

He talked, about himself and asked questions about me, but I didn’t want to talk so I leaned my body towards his, hands to the back of his neck pulling him towards me like a siren enchanting a sailor but he pulled away. The rejection feeling a little too much like Con’s a few days ago- like salt in a fresh wound, I pulled away, my feet hitting the solid ground, arms on my knees, head in my hands- maybe it was about me.

“Hey, hey, hey-“ Austin said pulling my hands away from my face, moving closer to me, looking right into my eyes, then my lips and back to my eyes, “I want this- I want you, but not like this, not when you’re drunk. I don’t know what’s changed so that you finally gave me some time of day but if it’s just because you’re drunk I don’t want to kiss you like that,” he explained, his thumb soothing my hands.

This made me feel even worse, he was right I was just trying to get someone’s attention, to prove to myself that I wasn’t disgusting, that I could be liked and he was an easy target since he already liked me. Tears started falling down my face, I was embarrassed and hurt and drunk and my period was not helping my hormones, I told Austin I wasn’t feeling well and that I was going to go home. He offered to drive me home, “No you stay and have fun, don’t cut it short on my account,” I argued but he brushed me off, “You and your wellbeing is so much more important to me,” he expressed.

I was convinced I was about to throw up, why did he have to be so nice. I walked through the house looking for Jere, telling him that I was going home, he looked concerned and said he’d take me and come back for the others but I told him I had a way home and he gave me a reassuring smile, the whole time I felt eyes on me, I turned around and there was Con whispering to Belly. It was so loud I practically had to shout to talk to Jere but the thought of his breath on her ear was unpleasant, he wasn’t looking at me, neither was she. My unconscious was trying to torture me too.

The next morning I hoped I could forget about my stupidity from the night before but Austin rocked up at my door with my favourite drink and good muffins, I thanked him and we ate and drank out back near the pool. After this we started talking and hanging out more and more, but every free moment I still had someone else on my mind. When the time came for the dancing lessons for the deb ball I had no other choice, I brushed Fisher out of my mind (that’s a lie- I just tried to ignore the ache) and asked Austin to be my escort that was when he kissed me for the first time and I felt absolutely nothing. I didn’t say a word I just pressed a smile onto my face.

At the first rehearsal I spotted Jere coming in with Belly, that’s when they confirmed my suspicion, while Jere was catching up with Austin, Belly gave me a wrap up of the last few weeks including the steamy make out in the pool. This really made me realise I wasn’t very present in the Fisher household these last few weeks, I distanced from my friends, spent more time with Austin, hiding, pretending.

I gave Jere a nod and a smile he had mentioned to me about these feelings he was having for Belly last year, he said he wasn’t sure what they were and whether he would want to go there but now looking at his smile it was so obvious that he was in love with her.

---

It was the moment that I was dreading, waking up the morning of the ball. Mom was feeling the exact opposite rushing into my room at the ripe time of seven in the morning, I was already awake, the nerves didn’t let me sleep but I just wanted to stay hidden under the covers for the whole day.

“Come on honey, you need to get up, you’ve been waiting for this moment all summer,” she said, I peeked my head from under my covers and a smile spread over her face, she gestured a plate towards me “Your favourite,” she said before I reached out for. As quickly as she came in she was gone again. Usually, mom was pretty good at spotting when something was wrong but she was so wrapped up in Susannah and Laurel this summer that my summer life falling apart slipped passed her like august.

To this day Conrad and I still hadn’t talked properly, we shared small talk and he gave a few weak smile from across the room when the families were together, still seeing him made me ache. I didn’t drive with them to parties, Austin took me, not that I went to very many anymore I couldn’t face seeing Conrad make out with random girls in the corners of the room.

My phone buzzed on my side table, “Good morning bestie, today’s the big day- your white dress ready?” the text message from Belly read, we were still fairly alright, but she never once questioned why I stopped coming over so often, she didn’t make an effort either.

‘You’re making it sound as if we’re getting married,’ I replied shoving a load of pancake into my mouth, the syrup melting some of my distress.

‘Omg true, who knows maybe one day we’ll have a double wedding’ she wrote and then a few seconds later another text came through ‘Actually never mind neither of us want to share a special day like that haha,’ I didn’t answer her back just mulled around in bed for another half hour before finally getting up and packing up everything I needed to take to the Country Club today.

I thought it was silly we had to get there so early, I dressed in something good enough just in time for Austin to text me that he was waiting outside. When we arrived Paige was rushing us around with a rehearsal call out and pointed out who was sat where, Jeremiah never once took his eyes of Belly, at one point she tripped over Shayla’s foot when we were getting into the lines for the dance and the whole room burst into laughter- even Paige broke into something of a smile.

After three hours of this and that she had us gather and sit on the mini stage, Belly came to the sit next to me, Austin on my other side laying his arm around my shoulders, it felt imprisoning, I felt trapped with no way of escape. I took a deep breath in and closed my eyes as Paige started speaking.

“Well um, this has been a time of ups and downs ladies, but I am proud to say that I’ve had somewhat of a pleasant time getting to know each one of you, building on your strengths and turning your weaknesses into something to work on, you’re the best lot I’ve had in a few years” she starts and Belly turns to whisper into my ear.

“Nicole would not be happy to hear that,” she whispered with a giggle, Nicole was doing some workshop thing for her future university this morning so she wouldn’t be here until this evening, but the other older sisters clapped and laughted, I opened my eyes when Paige continued.

“So I say this with honesty, I may never break into huge grins or laughter but this was a pleasure, I will miss you all dearly so make me proud tonight, but most of all make yourself proud, you are all bright young women,” she finished giving us a little clap.

“What about us?!” Jeremiah asked with an appalled expression, this did bring out a small laugh in the Deb organiser.

“Yes Jeremiah how could I forget, you gentlemen have been fairly good partners, apart from the time Jeremiah decided he was tried of ballroom dancing and decided to get to know Alexa,” she gave him the side eye and everyone laughed again, I just felt Austin pull me closer at this. Like vines with pricks wrapping around my throat like a snake.

“Excuse me,” I said louder than I intended and rushed out the room, Austin tried to go after me but I head Jere say “Give her a minute, Belly will go,” before I was out the door.

Only when I was out in the fresh air could I breathe, what was happening to me? I never had problems like this, the feeling of a balloon blowing up slowly in my chest, taking over every edge of space- no space to breathe- and I can’t do anything about it. This build up, until- until. Then nothing.

I rubbed me fists over my eyes taking deep breaths in and out.

“Y/n,” the voice was gentle, and with my eyes closed I could almost pretend it was Conrad, laying a soft touch on my shoulder, my brows furrowed, I hoped it was my mom coming to my rescue but when I opened my eyes with was Shayla stood over me, “Let’s talk, we’ll drive to get coffee come on,” she suggests, tugging gently on my arm.

“We’re not meant to leave the property,” I say back, she brushes me off.

“Y/n you’ve not really been around lately,” her tone pleading and then I couldn’t stop it, the tears dropping, “Oh come on sweetie, I’m here,” she said wrapping her arms around me, running her hands down my hair.

After a few minutes we made it to her car, I rubbed the tears away and started explaining everything starting with the end of that stupid party where everything fell apart. Shayla just listened, exactly what I needed, what I didn’t realise I needed. She gave tips of advice when she felt was right and gave nudges of encouragement too.

By the time we got back to the Country club the girls were already getting ready, some already had their hair done, some their makeup but it was fine because we still had plenty of time. Belly gave me a looking asking ‘are you okay?’ and I just gave her a nod.

After we finished our makeup I did Shayla’s hair, curling up the end of her ponytail, then she twisted and turned mine into a beautiful bun near the nape of my neck. Time flew by before I knew it, soon enough I was changed into my dress and it felt a million miles away from this morning, but at the same time as though I was still laying in bed mere minutes ago.

There was a knock on the door and Paige’s voice came through, “Do you ladies want a group picture in the vanity room? We’re starting in a few minutes,” she communicated. Gigi excitedly opened the door and we had a little photoshoot even convincing to get Paige in a few on a timer.

“Now, let’s go,” she said ushering us out, Shayla and I at the end, she reached for my hand and gave it a tight squeeze, shooting a smile in my direction and giving me a nod.

“You’re beautiful, inside and out,” I whispered.

“You’re amazing too Y/n, now let’s kill this thing,” I nodded and meagre minutes later were stood in a line on the girl’s side of the stage’s wings. Belly’s in front of me, her name about to be called, and all of a sudden a feeling of pride and butterflies fulfils me, I was making my mum proud, and Laurel and Susannah, but most importantly myself, no matter how rough and isolating this summer felt I got through it.

Before I knew it Belly was walking out meeting Jeremiah who didn’t take his eyes off her, it made a piece of my heart melt. Then there was Austin, waiting to meet my eye, he gave me a reassuring smile and nod, I looked away waiting for Paige to announce us.

“Y/n L/n,” she called and then started listing my plans for collage and the charity events I’ve participated in, I walked out, not looking at Austin once, my sight searching for my mom. I spotted her to the left at our table, Susannah right next to her, then there was him. Conrad Fisher. I pleaded with my eyes to look away, even if only to Laurel who sat on the other side of him or to my dad who sat next to Belly’s. Con didn’t meet my eyes he was looking straight at Belly and Jeremiah and that’s when it hit me. It was Belly. It was always going to be Belly.

I was fine until I felt Austin’s tug on my arm, Paige was about to announce Shayla and Steven. After those two we were allowed to just wander around, greet everyone, my mom had a hold on me before I could blink, she had tears in her eyes.

“You’re growing up Y/n/n,” she said in panic, “You’re still my baby though,” she turned to my dad, “Are we getting old Michael, am I getting old?” she overexaggerated.

“No honey you still look fine like wine,” he complimented, I wanted to gag, how they were still so in love I didn’t know. Dad come to Cousins for the last two weeks of summer like he always did after a week trip with his old college buddies, it was nice having him here for again.

“Oh Austin don’t you just look gorgeous too!” mom exclaimed going to give him a hug too, my parents became very fond of Austin very quickly though dad did seem to express some confusion, I had been talking to and about the Fisher boys all year but after a barbeque with Austin and his parents he was sold.

“You’re a good young man Austin, I can’t wait to see your dance now, Jeremiah tried to teach me some of the moves yesterday,” he explained, Austin laughed while my dad tried to impersonate Jeremiah and I visibly face palm.

“Ok, ok, ok my turn to hug my adoptive daughter,” Susannah announced, mom and dad step away and quickly I’m in her embrace smiling into her shoulder, “You look beautiful sweetie, and even though you’re not here with a Fisher boy like I expected,” she paused awkwardly, hanging onto her last few words, “You have a wonderful time, you’ll have to invite Austin and his parents to our last night barbeque tomorrow,” she said excitedly.

“Susannah- I don’t-” I start but she flashes her puppy eyes first to me, then to Austin stood next to me.

“We’ll be there,” he said with a smile and guilty eyes looking to me.

“Fantastic!” Susannah exclaimed before turning to discuss details with my parents. Laurel hugs me then Belly’s dad makes sure to give me some motivational comment, Conrad give me something of a smile and a quick side hug which I don’t have the strength in my arms to reciprocate, when it comes to him I lose all control.

After everyone takes their seats again Austin whispers in my ear “I do love you parents,” he said.

“They love you too, actually they have obsessions with you,” I laugh.

“And now it’s time for a very special dance,” Paige announces over the microphone, everyone turns to her with excitement, “No not the dance where your little girls become young women, the boys have prepared something first,” she says and now everyone seemed even more excited.

The music come on and all the boys make their way onto the dance floor in beat, Shayla and I stand hand in hand, Belly on my other side and we watch, laughing, we were not allowed to see this dance before today, it was meant to be a ‘treat’ for us girls but Jeremiah was so excited that he practically showed us most of the dance moves already. Though now that it was all happening together before our eyes I couldn’t deny that it was actually pretty good.

Conrad’s eyes were stuck on his brother, I wouldn’t call the emotion jealousy but there was something there, he only just broke away to look at his phone, that’s where his sight stayed for the rest of the dance and into the conversation that broke out on our table afterwards. Shayla came rushing to the table saying that we needed to get more photos, which mom and Susannah were more than happy to take, I had some with Belly, then Austin and some of the other girls.

After a few minutes of taking pictures Paige was back on the microphone announcing that the main event was about to begin. The introductory music began to play, every was making their way to their place in lines Belly was stood looking around the whole room, searching.

“Has anyone seen Jeremiah?” She asked, looking desperately at me then Shayla, we both shook our heads, how did we not notice him slip away. Belly awkwardly played around with her glove before facing our table, was she going to sit out of the dance?

That was when it happened, Conrad stood up, it was as if time had stopped, he was making his way towards her, reaching for her hand. I felt the phantom pain in my palm as if it was me he was touching, I tried not to wince at the cold sensation.

Then we’re dancing, Austin’s body heat all over my space but my eyes don’t leave Belly and Conrad. Jeremiah is going to be pissed, as if on command in the corner of my eye I see him walk in, his jaw drops subtly as he watches the same scene unfold in front of him.

Even after the dances finishes they don’t move apart, they’re stood there like the only two people in the world, staring into each other’s eyes. A hand went to my heart, nails digging into my collarbone. It was one thing getting rejected about the dance- since he did say he wasn’t going to do it beforehand, but kissing me and now being here smiling at Belly like she was the only girl he ever had eyes for, after dancing with her felt like animals ripping at my heart, all trying to get a piece, shredding it apart. Why did he ever kiss me? It ruined everything I could have always lived in blissful ignorance.

Susannah always believed from the moment my mom found out she was pregnant that I was going to be destined for one of her boys, and then just a little over a year later when Laurel got pregnant too Suze said that she was also destined for one of her boys. Now I stand here wondering if she could have ever predicted that both the Fisher boys would fall in love with Belly and I would be the one watching, drowning in my own sorrow. Missing him.

After being frequently requested: Part Two

MASTERLIST

#conrad fisher #conrad fisher imagine #conrad fisher x reader #conrad fisher x y/n #conrad fisher x you #jeremiah fisher #jeremiah fisher x reader #jeremiah fisher x y/n #jeremiah fisher x you #the summer i turned pretty #the summer i turned pretty x you #the summer i turned pretty x reader #the summer i turned pretty imagine #tsitp jeremiah #tsitp x reader #tsitp imagine #tsitp fanfic

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thatgirlwholikestowritestories · 2 years

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The Summer I Fucked Up (Ch 13)

A Conrad predominant retelling of The Summer I Turned Pretty TV show and book series.

Did you read the books and want to understand what was going on in that little noggin of his? Read my fic to find out that this man has zero thoughts

Chapter list

CONRAD

Physically, Conrad was at his mother’s funeral. He was aware of that. He was aware that he was sitting in the front pew of a church they’d only ever been to for Christmas services when he was a child and in front of him, in a closed casket, was his mother. He was aware of people coming up to him, saying things about how sad this is, how sorry they are, and Conrad’s mouth responded automatically. He was watching everything unfold from outside his body.

The Conklins were here. Laurel had come up the day it happened and hadn’t left since. Steven and Belly had only just arrived. They greeted him and Jeremiah. Belly and Jeremiah collided and gripped each other like they were life rafts, and the other was the only thing keeping them from drowning.

Conrad didn’t move from his seat. He doubted he could, even if he wanted. Distantly, he wondered if grief could cause rigor mortis in the people the deceased left behind.

“Hey.” Belly sat down next to him.

“Hey.” It felt like the first time he’d spoken in days, despite responding to everyone’s condolences.

She squeezed his shoulder, and he found some comfort in that touch. He wanted to lean into it, wanted her to hug him, but he couldn’t speak, he couldn’t move, he couldn’t ask. So, her hand dropped away, the warmth of her falling away with it.

A preacher gave the eulogy. Kind. Compassionate. Graceful. That’s what he’d said about Susannah. Gone.

His father gave a speech after that to explain about the wake. Conrad couldn’t even fathom it when Susannah had told them that Adam was moving back in for her last weeks. It didn’t make sense how she could still love him after all that he’d put her through. It didn’t make sense that she wanted him there at the end. But, she did.

“Before we finish, Susannah had one last wish,” Conrad stirred in his sit, closing his eyes shut. He had all funeral to prepare, but he still wasn’t ready. “Our son, Connie—Conrad—is going to perform the song ‘I’ll be seeing you’ by Billie Holiday on his guitar from one of Susannah’s favourite movies.”

It was some small miracle that Conrad was able to stand up and make his way to the stool and guitar that had been set up for him. He rubbed his fingers together, trying to stop their shaking. He picked up the guitar from its stand and leaned it against his knee.

He started playing the intro, but when he was supposed to start singing, his mouth opened, and nothing came out. He stopped. He started again. He got out a couple words, but they were strangled, smothered by grief.

Conrad couldn’t do it. He couldn’t do this for his mother. One of her last wishes. He was struggling. He could feel the weight of everyone’s eyes on him as he butchered one of his mother’s favourite songs.

He only got two stanzas in before he looked up to her then, a plea in his eyes. She understood the question behind them and was beside him in an instance.

Conrad had been surprised when he’d find out that Belly could actually sing. Whenever she’d sung at the beach house, it had been in this joking, fun manner, but when she tried, she could really sing. She’d do it when she was doing her maths homework and had forgotten they were still on a call. He’d never remind her right away, content to just listen while she worked away at the problems.

He let Belly take over, choosing just to be the instrumental to her lyrical.

“I’ll be seeing you

In every lovely summer’s day

In everything that’s light and gay

I’ll always think of you that way.”

Even her tear-choked voice was better than what he was able to manage on a good day. It was angelic. She knew the song just as well as his mother did. They had watched the movie a bunch of times together over the last couple of summers-just her, Laurel, and his mother, thick as thieves.

Everyone was quiet when they finished. It seemed wrong to clap.

Conrad stood up to move to his seat for the preacher to read the Lord’s Prayer and Belly followed. When they sat, he leaned toward her and whispered, “Thank you.”

She didn’t say anything, just gently squeezed his shoulder and turned back to listen.

Afterwards, the processional formed. Everyone came up and offered their condolences again. Belly and Jeremiah’s were hugging like before, except this time neither of them could stop the violent crying.

When she hugged Conrad, it was quick. She’d looked like she wanted to say something, but then the next funeral goer was ready to talk to him.

Not half an hour later, Conrad watched his mother’s casket be lowered into the ground.

Conrad’s ex-girlfriend had come to the funeral. He wasn’t surprised. He had actually seen her a couple times over the past weeks. The first time, he’d been grocery shopping. There had hardly been any food in the fridge when he came home, and Adam was just starting to move back in, so Conrad had said he was going shopping and left the house.

He’d been staring at cereal boxes wondering what Jere even eats anymore when he heard his name. He turned around, and there was Aubrey in a burgundy coat and matching beanie that offset her brown skin.

“What are you doing here?” She asked, leaning in, and giving him a hug. Conrad felt comfort in the way she still smelled the same, like lemongrass. He let his arms tighten around her quickly.

“Just doing some shopping for my mum.”

She took her lip between her teeth and nodded. “I heard about her cancer’s back. I’m sorry, Conrad.”

She put a comforting hand on his arm. She had to leave soon after that, she and her family had been on their way out when she spotted him.

When she texted him later, Conrad found himself replying. They had been friends for a while before they dated. She had been around the first time his mum had cancer when he was 15 so it was nice to have someone who understood but was still separate from it.

Conrad couldn’t stand to be in the foyer of his home, with this many people lingering around, blowing their noses into tissues, eyes wet from the service. The house had only ever been filled with this many people when Susannah had thrown a party. He couldn’t accept the ghost that now haunted the space.

Instead, he went into the basement, not even bothering to turn on the lights. He crashed on the couch, arms over his eyes.

He heard the basement door open and close, and soft footsteps sounded down the staircase.

“Conrad, it’s me.” He didn’t bother to move, besides lifting his arm up and peaking at her from under it.

Aubrey came along the other side and lifted his head up and placed it in her lap.

“Aubrey-” He started.

“Conrad, we don’t have to talk, but I can just be here for you.” She began running her hands along his head, and it felt so good to be comforted, to not feel the pressure of someone or something. It felt familiar. It felt safe. It felt like something he needed right in this moment. In response, he let his hand stroke her leg.

They sat quietly for a while like that, her hands stroking his head, his stroking her leg. He let his eyes close. He could just pretend everything was okay.

Then Aubrey said, “Hey.”

He knew it wasn’t meant for him. His eyes opened and Belly was frozen in place, mortified that she’d stumbled into something seemingly intimate. He sat up. He couldn’t look her in the eyes, so instead he looked at the plate of food in her hands.

“Is that food for us?”

“My mother sent it.” She drifted over, like an untied buoy, and placed the plate on the table next to them.

“Thanks.” Aubrey’s tone was a polite dismissal.

Belly started to back out of the room and started running as soon as she got to the stairs. Conrad was up and following. What was he going to tell her? That it wasn’t what it looked like? Even if it was, it’s not like they were together anymore.

“Wait a minute!” He caught her by the arm in the foyer.

“What do you want?” She tried to shake him off. “Let go of me.”

“That was Aubrey.” He offered it as if it were some sort of explanation, letting go of her.

He watched Belly’s face flinch as she processed the information. “Sorry, I interrupted your little moment.”

Conrad rolled his eyes and shook his head. “Oh, grow up.” He scoffed.

He knew how much she hated being treated like a child, especially by him and the other boys. Maybe he had chosen something better to say instead, because she looked at him with such spite in that moment, she practically spit when she said, “Go to hell.”

All bets were off now. It was his mother’s funeral, or did she just forget? How can she say that? “I should have known you’d be like this.”

He started to walk away. He tried, but she stood in his way, “What do you mean?”

“I knew it was a bad idea, starting something with you. You’re just a kid. It was a huge mistake.”

It was only partially true. He’d been worried about a lot of things when he first started seeing Belly, when he first started admitting his true feelings for her, but her being a kid wasn’t one of them. Except, right now she was acting like one and it disgusted him. If anyone had the right to act out today, it was him and Jeremiah, but they were keeping it together, so she should too.

He said it to hurt her, and it worked. His comment landed like a punch. Her face crumpled slightly.

“I don’t believe you.”

The both of them had the attention of the whole foyer now. This was worse than the attention he’d been trying to avoid in the first place. Instead of reply, he just shrugged and tried to move passed her.

“I hate you.” Her face was red.

He was over it. He was fed up. He was grieving, and he shouldn’t have to put up with this bullshit from Belly too. “Good.”

Tears started welling in her eyes then. “I never want to see you again.”

Then she was pushing past him and running away. He heard her trip on the staircase as he slinked back into the basement. Away from his mother’s mourners. Away from Belly.

Next Chapter

#conrad fisher #conrad pov #belly x conrad #conrad fic #conrad fisher fic #The Summer I Turned Pretty #belly conklin #TSITP #tsitp fanfic #tsitp conrad #the summer i fucked up

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daggerzine · 3 years

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Freezing Hands- It Was A Good Run (Dateland)

Sometimes it’s hard to keep track of Tucson, AZ’s Matt Rendon as he has his hands in many different pots both as a musician (with his main band Resonars) as well as the many bands he records/produces. This is yet another Rendon project. He’s a member of this 4-piece and he also recorded it at his Midtown Island Studio. In this band he’s joined by other members Scott Landrum, Kevin Conklin and Travis Spillers and right from the get go they waste no time in kicking up the energy on the first track “Too Good for Too Long” and the second track, ”Don’t Ask Me (as I’m walking out the door),” is even better where he blurts out the line “Good luck with that!” (obviously someone is getting the short end of the stick). “Pallet Gun” has some great guitar work and “Broken and Unspoken” sounded to me like a prime era of The Who. Elsewhere “Here With the Babies’ has some real punch to it along with soaring vocals and “Regurts” starts with an acoustic guitar as the band shows more of its folks roots (and the nice backing vocals…lotsa ahhhhhs) and the minute-and-a-half “Timing Belt’ is just about perfect (like prime Beach Boys…again, those spot on vocals). I try and keep abreast of all Rendon projects, but this one passed me by and now I’ve got to go back and see what I’ve missed on those three other records. I don’t mind necessarily discovering stuff late, especially when it’s this good. www.thefreezinghands.bandcamp.com

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genuinerio · 1 year

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LOVE ON THE BRAIN. ↠ 「 CONRAD FISHER 」

Prologue coming soon!

Profile of FRIDA MAXWELL.

NOTE: I decided to change both the OC and her name to Frida, the potential OC is played by actress Anya-Taylor Joy.

ABOUT ↴

FULL NAME: FRIDA IRENE MAXWELL.

NICKNAMES: FRI, IDA. (friends and family), SUNSHINE. (jeremiah and now steven), BABE, ANGEL, PRINCESS. (conrad)

PLACE OF BIRTH: LONDON, ENGLAND.

NATIONALITY: ENGLISH.

DATE OF BIRTH: 1 NOVEMBER 2004.

ZODIAC SIGN: SCORPIO.

AGE: SEVENTEEN.

GENDER: FEMALE.

EYE COLOR: HAZEL.

HAIR COLOR: BLONDE. (dyed), BROWN. (natural color).

HEIGHT: 5’6.

STATUS: ALIVE.

ORGIN: THE SUMMER I TURNED PRETTY.

RESIDENCE: LONDON, COUSINS BEACH.

SKILLS: DESIGNING, FASHION,

STRENGTHS: NOT BEING AFRAID TO TAKE RISKS, CONFIDENCE.

WEAKNESSES: HOOKING UP WITH CONRAD, REBELLIOUS, CONSIDERED BEING A BAD GIRL.

HOBBIES: WRITING, FASHION DESIGNING, ART SPECIFICALLY PAINTING, PARTYING, SMOKING WEED AND CIGARETTES, DRINKING AND OFFERING FASHION ADVICE TO THOSE WHO ASK.

GOALS: TO BECOME A PROFESSIONAL ARTIST. (currently).

PERSONALITY TYPE: INTJ.

FAMILY: UNKNOWN MOTHER. (estranged), UNKNOWN FATHER. (estranged), UNNAMED. (eldest brother, guardian), UNNAMED. (older brother), UNNAMED. (older sister).

FRIENDS: SHAYLA WANG. (best friend), CONRAD FISHER. (best childhood friend, love interest), GIGI. (best friend), NICOLE. (former best friend but still close), JEREMIAH FISHER. (close childhood friend, like a brother), STEVEN CONKLIN. (friend, crush-by-on), BELLY CONKLIN. (close friend, like a sister), TAYLOR. (good friend), CAM CAMERON. (close friend).

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: UNDETERMINED.

LOVE INTERESTS: CONRAD FISHER. (former friends-with-benefits, eventual love interest, in love with), STEVEN CONKLIN. (crush-by-on), JEREMIAH FISHER. (former childhood crush-by-on).

FIRST APPEARANCE: SOMEBODY THAT I USED TO KNOW IS IN THAT SUMMER HOUSE.

LATEST APPEARANCE: SUMMER LOVE WITH THAT SAME OLD LOVE.

SEASONS: ONE, TWO.

APPEARED IN: 7 EPISODES.

FACE CLAIM: MADISON BAILEY. (adult), STORM REID. (younger, child).

FACTS ABOUT FRIDA:

1. Frida was given her name after Frida Kahlo as her parents met in Mexico as they viewed her famous artwork in the famous Frida Kahlo museum. Her name is deprived from the Latin origin as it means, “peace.”

2. Although her family is derived from London, they often like to enjoy summer vacation in Cousins Beach in which during this time, she met and became friends with both the Fisher brothers and the Conklin family.

3. Frida is known for being someone that is very well liked especially around Cousins Beach especially because of her personality as she’s very kind, loves to have a good time with partying and tries her best to be there for those she cares for.

4. Although, her mother doesn’t really like Conrad anymore as she believes he’s toying with her daughter’s feelings considering they share a very complicated and unidentified ambiguous relationship as well as believes that her daughter will find someone better that’s more suited for her than Conrad, she still nonetheless offers her support. However, Susannah adores Frida as she treats her as if she was her own daughter and believes that she is a perfect match for Conrad as she sees Frida as someone that Conrad really needs.

5. She tends to enjoy smoking both weed and cigarettes as well as party and sometimes drink alcohol especially when she’s upset in trying to rid herself from whatever heartache she’s dealing with.

6. Frida enjoys spending her time as well with playing the bass guitar as her brother taught her as a child and drawing which eventually led to her interest in sketching and painting to which Susannah had taught her in.

7. The Lopez child is very stylish and enjoys fashion. Because of her interest in sketching, she had thought of a potential career in fashion design but decided on pursuing a career in journalism as she loves to write and to express her interests in topics she finds important whether with fashion or the latest topics.

8. She has a very clear British accent which people adore especially Susannah and Conrad.

9. Frida enjoys rock music and artists such as The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin, David Bowie, Fleetwood Mac, Greta Van Fleet, Blondie, Janis Joplin and Catfish and The Bottlemen are often cited in her playlists after her elder brother introduced her to a majority of said artists.

10. Frida is an old soul as she tells those that she doesn’t care much for materialistic things and is quite mature for someone who is her exact age. However, she has been advised to let loose and to enjoy herself as well as all the opportunities that come with her age.

11. Even though neither had never admitted this to her yet, Jeremiah and Steven had both held childhood crushes on Frida. Jeremiah had always recalled that he never told her because he felt like Frida always saw him as a little brother and she had someone else on her mind referring to his brother, Conrad.

12. Belly looks up to Frida as the two share a very close, sister like type of bond with Belly often seeking for advice from Frida about various topics but especially regarding boy advice.

13. In times of distress, Frida often enjoys taking part in art specifically painting which is something that she has bonded closely with Susannah as they share a passionate interest in.

#the summer i turned pretty #conrad fisher #conrad fisher imagine #conrad fisher fanfic #conrad fisher fanfiction #conrad fisher x oc!#the summer i turned pretty imagine #the summer i turned pretty fanfiction #the summer i turned pretty fanfic #the summer i turned pretty x oc!#oc: frida maxwell #my writing

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musicblogwales · 3 years

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Q&A: Gwenifer Raymond Pre-Tour Interview

Music Blog Wales are really honoured to have spoken exclusively with Welsh virtuoso guitar player Gwenifer Raymond before she embark’s out on her brand new UK tour, huge thanks to Gwenifer for agreeing to chat with us and all the best with the upcoming tour dates.

Raymond began playing guitar at the age of eight shortly after having been first exposed to punk and grunge. After years of playing around the Welsh valleys in various punk outfits she began listening more to pre-war blues musicians as well as Appalachian folk players, eventually leading into the guitar players of the American Primitive genre.

She released her sophomore LP ‘Strange Lights Over Garth Mountain’ at the end of 2020 to rapturous response. Her debut ‘You Never Were Much Of A Dancer’ emerged on Tompkins Square to the same response in 2018. She has found herself equally embraced by fans of old-west and equally, by left field/experimental audiences. Appearances throughout the UK and the EU as well as the US marks her out as one to watch.

Q: What part of Wales do you hail from and how has it geographically had an effect on your music?

Gwenifer: I'm originally from a village called Taff’s Well, so just north of Cardiff and at the tip of the Rhondda at the foot of the Garth mountain. I do think landscape can shape music quite a lot, and especially instrumental music. I think my own compositions have something of a folk horror element to them,which seems to me to reflect the overgrown, dark and witchy woods that I recall exploring quite a bit when I was growing up. I think perhaps that lends it somewhat more of the enclosed and gothic mood, as opposed to a more open and pastoral scene that you often hear in guitar songs.

Q: Your going on a UK tour this week, are you ready?

Gwenifer: Yeah I think so. It's been a while since playing a lot of shows on the trot, but I'm excited to be getting back to it. I find when I play the same set over a string of nights the music tends to find itself and evolve a little, so it's often where songs really find their feet. Given that I've not really toured this album properly, and a number of those tracks had never been gigged prior to recording it, it'll be really interesting to hear what happens to them. Q: How will you select songs for your live set?

Gwenifer: I usually choose my sets pretty selfishly along the lines of what I want to play. Invariably it'll be mostly the newest stuff with a few older tracks thrown in. Of course I try to pick tracks that will give the set as a whole a natural and engaging pace and dynamic. The big caveat to all of this of course is tuning: I play in a number of different guitar tunings, and nothing stops a set in its tracks more than spending five minutes tuning your guitar - of course this is unavoidable, but I do try to group tunes together in order to minimise it. Q: Your latest Album is 'Strange Lights......' where and how was it recorded?

Gwenifer: This was recorded in isolation in my basement flat in central Brighton. I was booked in to record in a studio, but of course COVID put a stop to that- so instead I dropped the money I would have spent on the studio on some new mic’s and recorded it myself. I actually did it over a week's worth of evenings (whilst working my day job remotely from home during the day),recording a song or two per night. I spent the following week mixing, so it all came together pretty quickly in the end. Q: Do you have any tips and tricks for the avid home recording artist?

Gwenifer: Learn your neighbours' laundry schedule so you can avoid the rumbling of their washing machine. Beyond that, yeah just find the quietest and most comfortable spot you can in your home, invest in as decent a microphone as you can reasonably afford and just spend time playing with it; placement etc. Also, obviously most people don't have a fully audio-treated room to record in, but you can do a lot by hanging duvets etc. around you in order to absorb reflections. It's just practice really, training your ears to recognise what sounds good,what doesn't and what minor adjustments can be made to turn one into the other.

Q: In your own words how would you describe the music you produce?

Gwenifer: I guess it's just solo compositional guitar, with a gothic folk edge and twinges of early American blues, heavily informed by the alternating thumb technique predominantly used by early folk and Delta blues guitarist players. Q: Do you have any new music in the pipeline?

Gwenifer: I always do, but I'm a very slow writer. I live with a piece a long time before I consider it 'done'. Right now that's as true as ever and I'm working on some stuff which I may even start slipping into sets on upcoming tours. Q: What is your biggest inspiration for writing and staying creatively focused?

Gwenifer: It's listening to other music I suppose - any other sort of music really.To be honest I don't listen to a lot of solo guitar these days so I tend to be inspired by music completely unlike my own. I'm not sure if I'm creatively 'focused' exactly. Perhaps more creatively unfocused but ever so often a song falls out. I don't think there's a solid or consistent methodology that can be relied on for this sort of thing, it's whatever the little devil on your shoulder convinces you to do.

Just about anybody with an interest in the new school of American primitive will tell you that Welsh guitarist Gwenifer Raymond is one of its most promising proponents. “I’ve been blown away by Gwenifer Raymond,” says Jeff Conklin.

Josh Rosenthal agrees: “She’s just a fascinating person—a great example of somebody taking the raw elements [of the style] and making them more personal.” - BandCamp Daily

"Its intricate folk melody is Welsh and Celtic in style but American Old West in practice. The rhythmic patterns mimic the swift dynamics of a fiddle with a country twang. Western music was originally influenced by traditional folk music from England, Wales, Scotland, and Ireland; Raymond’s seamless crossover grows from these historically intersecting roots." - Stereogum

UK TOUR DATES

August 27 - Ara Deg Festival – Bangor

September 03 – Larmer Tree Festival – Dorset

September 04 – Maverick Festival – Suffolk

September 07 – Cathedral Quarter Arts Festival – Belfast

September 11 – Down At The Abbey Festival – Reading

September 18 – The Castle Hotel – Manchester

September 19 – The Continental – Preston

September 20 – The Musician – Leicester

September 21 – The Crescent – York

September 22 – Brudenell Social Club – Leeds

September 23 – The Old Cinema Launderette – Durham

September 24 – Café #9 – Sheffield

October 29 – Toy Museum – Brighton

November 12 – King’s Place London Jazz Festival

November 13 – The Wight Bear – Bournemouth

November 14 – MAST – Southampton

Watch: Sometimes There's Blood

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PfLJvXNeY-M

Bleeding Finger Blues

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1pAm0uqkXAI

Full web & label links Weblinks*

https://www.facebook.com/gweniferraymondmusic/

https://gweniferraymond.com/

#Gwenifer Raymond #Interview #Pomona #strange lights over Garth Mountain

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365goalsfor365days · 6 years

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2019 Bucket List

1. Become a Homeowner 2. Get a new mattress 3. Become a first aid instructor 4. Become a CPR instructor 5. Get a position in Labor and Delivery or Postpartum 6. Write a legal will and get it notarized 7. Complete the Neonatal Resuscitation Program 8. Obtain a regular drivers license 9. Write a legal advance directive and get it notarized 10. Get a passport 11. Complete ACLS certification 12. Pay off provincial student loan completely 13. Get a new couch 14. Get a tattoo 15. Get a British Bulldog (Winston) 16. Crochet a viking hat 17.Crochet comfy boot slippers 18. Make melted crayon guitar art (JK) 19. Sew a teddy bear 20. Sew a dress 21. Make a quilt 22. Start a scrapbook 23. Make cold process soap 24. Complete Grad Photobook 25. Complete wedding scrapbook 26. Crochet Christmas stockings 27. Make a Wonder Woman apron (JH) 28. Crochet a hooded owl blanket 29. Crochet a coaster set 30. Fold 1000 origami stars 31. Crochet a Hogwarts baby blanket 32. Crochet a black cat blanket with hood (KS) 33. Fold 1000 origami butterflies 34. Make a mobile of 1000 origami cranes 35. Design my own deck of cards 36. Complete wedding photobook 37. Make homemade lip balm 38. Make a geode bath bomb 39. Make carved wood or burned wood personalized wine box (ME) 40. Swap customized keychains with Daniel 41. Sew matching aprons for me & Daniel 42. Make a cross stitch quilt (CB) 43. Make a Lion King cross stitch (JK) 44. Make wine glass winter scene candle holders 45. Make a Little Mermaid Apron (JM) 46. Make a carved or burned wood "It's Always Tea Time" Mad Hatter Tea Box 47. Crochet a Spiderman blanket (LS) 48. Crochet a Legend of Zelda blanket (CW) 49. Make jazz guitar print art (SS) 50. Adopt an otter 51. Donate 5 items to the Ronald McDonald house 52. Participate in a charity walk/run 53. Donate 5 items to the Terra Centre 54. Run a Hogwarts Running Club race 55. Adopt a polar bear 56. Make my own cookbook 57. Make all the recipes from The Superfun Times Vegan Holiday Cookbook 58. Make crepes 59. Make "Curious Confection" Disney drink 60. Make "Siren's Song" Disney drink 61. Make "Glass Slipper" Disney drink 62. Make "Belle of the Ball" Disney drink 63. Make all the recipes from the I Quit Sugar cookbook 64. Make homemade fried chicken 65. Make caramel apple jello shots 66. Make the Grey Stuff from The Beauty and the Beast 67. Make homemade California rolls 68. Make all the recipes in the Unofficial Harry Potter Cookbook 69. Make candy apples 70. Bake a baked Alaska 71. Cook lobster 72. Make tiramisu 73. Bake Boston cream pie 74. Make homemade basil pesto 75. Roast pumpkin seeds 76. Finish my red recipe book 77. Bake lemony blueberry cheesecake bars 78. Make Sims Bouillabaisse (in real life) 79. Make Sims Goopy Carbonara (in real life) 80. Make Mexican tostadas 81. Make 365 new recipes 82. Cook every single recipe in a cook book 83. Make all recipes from the Swap & Drop Diet Cookbook 84. Do a chopped competition with Daniel 85. Make fruit sushi 86. Make "Sleep Cycle" Disney drink 87. Make "False King" Disney drink 88. Make "Ohana Colada" Disney drink 89. Make all recipes from the Cooking Light Global Kitchen cookbook 90. Make Sims Porcini Risotto (in real life) 91. Have a meal at Bistro Praha 92. Go to Dinner Theatre 93. Eat at Cafe Bicyclette 94. Have lunch at Ampersand 27 95. Eat at Cafe Linnea 96. Eat at Earnest's at NAIT 97. Go on a gelato date 98. Have dessert from the Italian Bakery Edmonton 99. Eat at the 3 Bananas Cafe 100. Eat at Dorinku 101. Try a Po'Boy 102. Eat deep fried ice cream 103. Eat at Have Mercy 104. Have lunch at the Harvest Room at Hotel MacDonald 105. Have dinner on the Edmonton Queen Riverboat 106. Try La Poutine 107. Have breakfast at Under the High Wheel 108. Have dessert at Block 1912 109. Eat at Uccellino 110. Go out for hungover breakfast the morning after a party with friends 111. Read "The Devil in the White City" by Erik Lawson 112. Read "Water for Elephants" by Sara Gruen and watch the movie 113. Read "Blood, Sweat, and Fear" by Eva Lazarus 114. Read "It" by Stephen King and watch the movie 115. Read "Labor Day" by Eleanor Henderson 116. Read "Three Day Road" by Joseph Boyden 117. Read "The Girl on the Train" by Paula Hawkins and watch the movie 118. Read "They Left Us Everything" by Plum Johnson 119. Read "The House Girl" by Tara Conklin 120. Read all 36 books from the Dear Canada series 121. Read "My Lovely Wife in the Psych Ward: A Memoir" by Mark Lukach 122. Read all 54 books from the fictional Magic Tree House Series 123. Read “13 Reasons Why” by Jay Asher and watch the series 124. Read “Dolores Claiborne” by Stephen King 125. Read “We Need To Talk About Kevin” by Lionel Shriver 126. Read all 51 books from the Adventures of the Bailey School Kids series 127. Read “Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers” by Mary Roach 128. Read “The Shift: One Nurse, Twelve Hours, Four Patients Lives” by Theresa Brown 129. Read “Working Stiff: by Judy Melinek and TJ Mitchell 130. Read “Every Patient Tells a Story” by Lisa Sanders 131. Read “The Night Shift” by Dr Brian Goldman 132. Read “Wenjack” by Joseph Boyden 133. Read “The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat” by Oliver Sacks 134. Read “Weird Edmonton” by Mark Kozub 135. Read “11/22/63” by Stephen King 136. Re-read Lemony Snickets A Series of Unfortunate Events series 137. Read all 20 Royal Diaries books 138. Read all the books from the Dear America series 139. Read “End of Watch” by Stephen King 140. Read “I, Ripper” by Stephen Hunter 141. Read “Happyface” by Stephen Edmond 142. Read “The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian” by Sherman Alexie 143. Read “The Mighty Miss Malone” by Curtis 144. Read “In The Unlikely Event” by Judy Blume 145. Read “Church of Marvels” by Leslie Parry 146. Read “My Secret Sister” by Helen Edwards 147. Read “The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society” by Annie Barrows 148. Read “The Book of Negroes” by Lawrence Hill & watch the movie 149. Read “The Real Doctor Will See You Shortly” by Matt McCarthy 150. Read “Nerd Do Well” by Simon Pegg 151. Read “Wild” by Cheryl Strayd and watch the movie 152. Read “I Am Malala” by Malala Yousafzai 153. Read “The Book Thief’ by Markus Zusak and watch the movie 154. Read “Welcome to Nightvale” by Joseph Fink and listen to all podcasts 155. Read “1984” by George Orwell 156. Read “Nightmares!” by Jason Segal and Kirsten Miller 157. Read “The Bazaar of Bad Dreams” by Stephen King 158. Read “Finders Keepers” by Stephen King 159. Read the Little Old Lady Series 160. Read “Mr Mercedes” by Stephen King 161. Read “Left Neglected” by Lisa Genova 162. Read “Doctor Sleep” by Stephen King 163. Read “Bringing Adam Home” by Les Standiford 164. Read “Carry On” by Rainbow Rowell 165. Read “Being Mortal” by Atul Gawande 166. Read “A Spy Amongst Friends” by Ben Macintyre 167. Read “Still Alice” by Lisa Genova and watch the movie 168. Read “Five Days at Memorial” by Sheri Fink 169. Read “Canada” by Mike Myers 170. Read “Behind the Beautiful Forevers” by Katherine Boo 171. Read “Quiet: The Power of Introverts” by Susan Cain 172. Read “The Haunting of Sunshine Girl” by Paige Mckenzie 173. Read “Dirty Jobs” and “Second Hand Souls” by Christopher Moore 174. Read “My Sister’s Keeper” and watch the movie 175. Read “Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea” by April Genevive Tucholke 176. Read “Four Past Midnight” by Stephen King 177. Read “Hope: A Memoir of Survival in Cleveland” by Amanda Berry and Gina DeJesus 178. Read “Anya’s Ghost” by Vera Brosgol 179. Read “Trauma” 180. Read “Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them” by JK Rowling and watch the movie 181. Read “This is That Travel Guide to Canada” 182. Read “The Trouble with Goats and Sheep” by Joanne Cannor 183. Read “Tough Shit” by Kevin Smith 184. Read “Tales of Beedle the Bard” by JK Rowling 185. Read “The Trouble with Alice” by Olivia Glazebrook 186. Read “The 100 Mile Diet: A Year of Local Eating” by Alisa Smith & JB MacKinnon 187. Read “At Home in Old Strathcona” by Gwen McGregor Molnar 188. Read “The Tumbling Turner Sisters” by J. Fay 189. Read “The Dangerous Animals Club” by S. Tobolowsky 190. Read “The Book of Speculation” by E. Swyler 191. Read “The Nurses” by Alexandra Robbins 192. Read “Shine Shine Shine” by Lydia Netzer 193. Read “Life of Pi” by Yann Martel and watch the movie 194. Read the EC Wells series 195. Read “Scrappy Little Nobody” by Anna Kendrick 196. Read “The First Phone Call From Heaven” by Mitch Albom 197. Read “Hope’s Boy” by Andrew Bridge 198. Read “The First Fifteen Lives of Harry August” by Claire North 199. Read “The House At the End of Hope Street” by Menna Van Praag 200. Read “Home” by Harlan Coben 201. Tour the Saskatchewan Science Center 202. Visit the Hiroshima Peace Memorial Park 203. Visit the Atomic Bomb Dome in Japan 204. Visit the Dead Sea of Saskatchewan (Little Manitou) 205. Tour the Royal Canadian Mint 206. Visit the Eskimo Museum in Churchill 207. Visit Prime Berth Fishing Museum in Twillingate 208. Go to the Barbie Expo in Montreal 209. Visit the Acadian Historical Village in Caraquet 210. Visit the Tokyo National Museum 211. Visit the Owl Café in Akhabara 212. Go to the Tokyo Studio Ghibli Museum 213. Visit the Manitoba Museum in Winnipeg 214. Visit the Hiroshima Peace Memorial Museum 215. See a Sunset Retreat Ceremony at the RCMP Heritage Center in Regina 216. Visit the Canadian Museum of History in Quebec 217. See Head-Smash-In Buffalo Jump in Fort McLeod 218. Visit the Shinjuku Goen National Garden in Japan 219. See Niagra Falls 220. Visit the Gopher Hole Museum in Torrington 221. Visit Ripley’s Aquarium of Canada in Toronto 222. Visit the Royal Ontario Museum 223. Do the Underground Tour at Bell Island’s Mine Museum 224. Visit the Samurai Museum in Japan 225. Visit Leo Mol Sculpture Garden in Winnipeg 226. See a show at the Regina Globe Theater 227. Visit the Canadian Museum of Immigration at Pier 21 in Halifax 228. Visit the Canadian Museum for Human Rights 229. Visit the Canadian Museum of Nature in Ottawa 230. Visit the Fort George National Historic Site of Canada at Niagara-on-the-Lake 231. Go to Science North in Sudbury 232. Take a photo with the Hachiko statue in Tokyo 233. Go to the national Museum of Nature and Science in Tokyo 234. Visit the Amsterdam Cheese Museum 235. Visit the Nagasaki Atomic Bomb Museum in Japan 236. Catch all Fourth Gen Pokemon Go Pokemon 237. Catch all Second Gen Pokemon Go Pokemon 238. Catch all Third Gen Pokemon Go Pokemon 239. Successfully do winged eyeliner 240. Have a yard sale 241. Grow Lavender 242. Go scuba diving 243. Go rock climbing 244. Go through the Edmonton Corn Maze 245. Attend a Superstore cooking class 246. Bowl a 100+ game 247. Catch a fish 248. Dye my hair blonde 249. Go ice fishing 250. Tour Candy Cane Lane 251. Find 5 Geocaches 252. Go paintballing 253. See the stars at an observatory 254. Go on a double date 255. Can something with mom 256. Play through Fran Bow 257. Visit Dr Woods House Museum 258. Grow parsley 259. Go on a bike ride around Telford Lake 260. Solve a Rubik’s cube 261. Grow oregano 262. Pick berries from a berry farm 263. Host a holiday dinner for family 264. Plant a Tree 265. Skip rocks with Daniel 266. Do yoga outside at sunrise 267. Go horseback riding 268. Go to the Deep Freeze Festival 269. Learn how to edit photographs 270. Get a hot stone massage 271. Pose for a nude painting 272. Complete a 642 Things to Draw Journal 273. Be in a boudoir photoshoot 274. Get ears pierced again 275. Learn Under the Sea on xylophone 276. Learn calligraphy 277. Go roller blading 278. See a moose in the wild 279. Learn Over the Rainbow on ukulele 280. Pick a pumpkin at Upick 281. Build a fire 282. Complete Wreck this Journal 283. Build a sandcastle 284. Build a snowman 285. Complete a 1000 Piece Puzzle 286. Get all Pokemon Go medals 287. Try a sensory deprivation chamber 288. Sew all badges on my camp blanket 289. Sign a petition 290. Camp at Elk Island Provincial Park 291. Tour the Alberta Legislature Building 292. Go apple picking 293. Go hostelling in Nordegg 294. Photograph a robin 295. Photograph a blue jay 296. Go to the ballet 297. Go to a hot spring in winter 298. Plant a Fairy Garden 299. Fully decorate apartment for Halloween 300. Go to another TWOS Dark Matters Night 301. Go to the Muttart Conservatory 302. Play through Beyond Two Souls 303. Watch an outdoor movie 304. Go to the John Walters museum 305. Body paint with Daniel 306. Take a class at the Greenland Garden Center 307. Go Canoeing 308. Play a game of chess 309. Play laser tag 310. Have a girls night 311. Go to a drop in class at the Art Gallery of Alberta 312. Send out Christmas cards 313. Reach level 40 of Pokemon Go 314. Visit the Reynolds-Alberta Museum 315. Go on a Canmore Cave Tour 316. Get a couples massage 317. Have a game night at Table Top Café 318. See a live show at the Roxy 319. Shoot a Gun 320. Juggle 3 balls 321. Pick a door lock 322. See a Rapidfire Theater show 323. Dance on my balcony with Daniel as it gently rains 324. Go to a driving range 325. Write a love letter 326. Go to a U of A varsity game 327. Go to the new Royal Alberta museum 328. Go to a hockey game 329. Go to a football game 330. See the Nutcracker Ballet 331. Play at Breakout Edmonton 332. Complete a coloring book 333. Go peddle boating 334. Visit the Alberta Aviation Museum 335. Visit the Jurassic Forest 336. Play slots at a casino 337. Go skating 338. Try to escape The Cabin at Escape City 339. Complete my Sims challenge 340. Get a BBQ and have a BBQ with friends 341. Tube down the Pembina river 342. Get a facial 343. Take a class at Purdy’s Chocolates 344. Do a "Disney Love" photoshoot with Daniel 345. Grow a carrot plant 346. Fit size 6 pants 347. Do 100 consecutive push ups 348. Hold Kala Bhairavasana (yoga) 349. Hold Sirsasana (Yoga) 350. Do 100 Consecutive Sit Ups 351. Reach goal weight of 120 lb 352. Walk 20 000 steps for 3 consecutive days 353. Attend a drop in spin class 354. Buy and eat only local food (produce, meat, etc) for 30 consecutive days 355. Try hot yoga 356. Hold Crow Pose (Yoga) 357. Complete 12 months to a healthier you challenge 358. See a movie at Princess Theatre 359. Go to the Edmonton Film Fest 360. See a movie and have dinner at the VIP theatre 361. Watch Rotten Tomatoes Top 100 Musical and Art Movies 362. Watch the Rotten Tomatoes Top 200 Movies of 2018 363. Watch Rotten Tomatoes Top 100 movies of 2017 364. Watch Rotten Tomatoes Top 100 Documentary films 365. Watch Rotten Tomatoes Top 100 Comedy Movies

#2019 bucket list #bucket list #new year new list #365for365 #365 goals for 365 days

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