#Crielle's back : )

[not-poignant]

Hi Pia!

I've been reading a bunch of your works over the last couple of months and I hope it's okay if I throw some thoughts/questions at you!

This feels really forward, but have you ever written anything with voyerism as a kink? And if not, do you have any interest in it? TIP is the most recent thing of yours that I've finished and that scene where Augus watched Mosk & Eran... hot. Twas very hot. I think about it a lot lol.

As for the Underline universe, how far into Blue and Gold are we? Like percentage/fraction-wise? Or is it still up in the air? I know we have an end in sight for Black now and it makes me wonder.

I'm so nervous about the next couple of chapters of Black. Gosh I love the fluff rn, but I am so scared for the whole Henton/Crielle mess to come back. I genuinely forgot that Henton was gonna be relevant and I looked at the tags recently and audibly went 'oh shit.' This is not a question, I just want you to know that I am Scared.

I have so many questions about Silver but I am trying to restrain myself bc I know you must keep your secrets. Just please know I think about them. Could I ask what Augus and Corbyn's ages are? I'm fairly certain they're not gonna be 80 but I work as a CNA and I've started thinking about their dynamic as a cute old couple at a facility and it makes me giggle a little.

If you're still doing the OC asks thing, would you do #10 for Arden? I know you've gotten multiple asks about him in Underline (which makes sense why you wouldn't want to put him there), but I'm curious if there's any other scenarios you'd want to put him in?

I'm the anon that asked for more about Caleb and I just. Am fighting demons not to literally put 1-25 for him (I love mean tops)(And he is still in his mean to faber stage)(will he ever not be? that's not a actual question) I just...his and fabers dynamic is my kind of hurt lol (i wonder how he'd feel about having a tiny fanclub?)(i can support his buisness pursuits or something)

Now that I look all of this over I am sorry but also not sorry this is probably overwhelming. Feel free to skip over whatever or answer some and come back to it. Just know I am thinking about your characters like... too many hours in the day. I need to get back to laundry lol

Whoa holy fucking questions batman!

I shall do my best anon I am intrigued

This feels really forward, but have you ever written anything with voyerism as a kink? And if not, do you have any interest in it? TIP is the most recent thing of yours that I've finished and that scene where Augus watched Mosk & Eran... hot. Twas very hot. I think about it a lot lol.

Voyeurism, yes! Particularly in one of the later chapters of The Beast that Chose Its Own Bridle where Felix and Murtagh watch a kink scene live, and Murtagh edges Felix during it, while quietly talking to him, until Felix is basically begging to come.

Otherwise I'm not writing it often mostly because many of the bottoms I write are either a) too insecure to perform for others or b) it's just not a direction the story is going in.

I don't really write exhibitionism at all, but there are elements of voyeurism around, Falling Falling Stars had some non-sexual and hints of voyeurism overall re: Efnisien, Kadek, and Arden.

I'm fairly certain the Strange Sights universe has elements of both (exhibitionism from Augus, voyeurism from Ash and Augus towards each other). Especially the follow-up sequel, where Ash asks Augus to masturbate for him.

Eversion probably has the most in terms of people watching Connor. In fact the very first time we ever see him in a sex scene, it's at a BDSM club where literally someone is just there to watch him get off, and he meets his dom while both of them watch someone else endure a flogging, and Connor is - similarly to Felix - played with while watching the scene. There's also the threesome between Luuk, Hank and Connor later, where it's clear that Hank and Luuk are both enjoying watching each other as well as Connor. So I would say Eversion probably has the most!

It's not something I write often, but it's around! (two of these fics are over at my thespectaclesofthor AO3 account!)

As for the Underline universe, how far into Blue and Gold are we? Like percentage/fraction-wise? Or is it still up in the air? I know we have an end in sight for Black now and it makes me wonder.

No idea re: Blue and Gold, though I know neither of them will be anywhere near as long as Black. To the point where I'm hoping to wrap up Blue and Gold around the chapter 35-45 mark. But hope is a fickle thing, and it could be earlier, could be later. They were never designed to be stories that had huge development arcs or anything, they're pretty much done once the characters have bonded successfully / shared a successful heat. Both stories end before Underline the Black starts in terms of in-world timeline!

I'm so nervous about the next couple of chapters of Black. Gosh I love the fluff rn, but I am so scared for the whole Henton/Crielle mess to come back. I genuinely forgot that Henton was gonna be relevant and I looked at the tags recently and audibly went 'oh shit.' This is not a question, I just want you to know that I am Scared.

You should be : )

I mean, it'll be fine!

Well, both of those things can be true, lol.

I have so many questions about Silver but I am trying to restrain myself bc I know you must keep your secrets. Just please know I think about them. Could I ask what Augus and Corbyn's ages are?

They're in their fifties! I haven't gotten exact ages on them yet, but I know that if Alois complains about being old around Corbyn, Corbyn is just going to smile tiredly at him.

If you're still doing the OC asks thing, would you do #10 for Arden?

10. What's an AU that would be interesting to explore with your OC?

Honestly, I feel like his story is "closed." I don't really know how to explain this, but with some of the characters I write, I hit a point where I just don't need to write them again. Eran is the same.

I think it's telling (to me) that in all the stories I'm writing after Falling Falling Stars, each one of them is literally revolving around *another* character that isn't Arden (whether it's Gwyn, or Kadek, or Dr Gary). That doesn't mean Arden isn't around, I just have no drive to tell a version of his story again.

Some characters stay open mentally, and others sort of mentally go into the 'I'm done' space. Gwyn and Augus took forever to kind of walk into the 'I'm done' space (and they're still not fully there)! - Arden was there immediately after Falling Falling Stars was over.

Also they kind of choose that space? I stay open generally because I like writing AUs a lot, so it's like a weird sense of like a character walking away from me, vs. me being like 'I'm tired of you.' Arden walked away! He was happy, lol. So I literally have zero other story ideas for Arden and I think he'd be mad at me for trying to think up any.

I'm the anon that asked for more about Caleb and I just. Am fighting demons not to literally put 1-25 for him (I love mean tops)(And he is still in his mean to faber stage)(will he ever not be? that's not a actual question) I just...his and fabers dynamic is my kind of hurt lol (i wonder how he'd feel about having a tiny fanclub?)(i can support his buisness pursuits or something)

Anon I promise you that you're not the only one who cares about Caleb!! Also I love this douche guy, can't wait to show more of him!

If you limit yourself to like 3 questions from the meme each time, you can send more asks! I still have a few to get to in general. :D

[bloodstone-and-bones]

The King of Two Courts

This is a playlist for my dude Gwyn ap Nudd. Help me find a better name bc “The Kings of Light and Sorrow” is already taken by my Gwyn/Ash playlist. Please send any song recommendations for these playlists my way!(Mostly about his perseverance and strength aka not a lot of gentle songs. A lot of Johnny Cash songs so be warned. American Southern Gothic vibes bc I said so.) Link at the bottom.

Achilles Come Down // Gang of Youths

Gwyn being talked into believing himself worthy of things despite what Albion and Crielle say.

Glitter and Gold // Barns Courtney

Total “walk like a badass” song.

“Do you walk in the valley of kings, Do you walk in the shadow of men, Who sold their lives for a dream?” Becoming a king of both courts (respectively, not at the same time) because of the Oak King and the Raven Prince.

Black Eyes // Radical Face

“While I slept you crept in and pulled the rug right out from under me” Augus finding out the truth of his alignment.

Broken Crown // Mumford & Sons

“And I will not speak of your sins, There was a way out for him, The mirror shows not, Your values are all shot” Gwyn mourning Mafydd (god I hope I spelt that right) and swearing to keep his alignment a secret.

Ain’t No Grave // Johnny Cash

“Ain’t No Grave, Can hold my body down” No matter what level of fae he is, nothing can keep him down.

God’s Gonna Cut You Down // Johnny Cash

“Go tell that long tongue liar, Go and tell that midnight rider, Tell the rambler the gambler the back biter” Gwyn saying hey I’m the new king tell everyone and I mean EVERYONE I’m not tolerating any shit.

Black Sun // Death Cab for Cutie

“And there is death upon the vine, There is fear in the eyes of your father” Not that Lludd was ‘afraid’ of Gwyn but he was a little worried about his powers. “Death upon the vine” refers to the end of the family line bc Gwyn ruined any chance of them having more kids.

Sinners // Barns Courtney

“Let’s go have some fun before, They go and put us in the ground” A rousing war song for the unseelie armies.

Blood On My Name // The Brothers Bright

“When the fires are consuming you, And your sacred stars won’t be guiding you, I’ve got blood, I’ve got blood on my name” when Gwyn looses his light in the Ice Plague.

Grave Digger // Blues Saraceno

“Let me be the one that got away” Gwyn escapes as underfae from Albion’s grasp.

I Hung My Head // Johnny Cash

Idk this song reminds me of Gwyn going to Augus the first time after he made that one guy eat his father’s heart (or was it the other way around I don’t remember).

I Won’t Back Down // Johnny Cash

“You can stand me up at the gates of Hell, but I won’t back down” (I warned you there’s a lot of Johnny Cash lmao.) Gwyn standing his ground as king.

Redemption // Johnny Cash

“My old friend Lucifer came, Fought to keep me in chains” Crielle trying to keep him under her control even after her death.

Bottom Of The River // Delta Rae

“Don’t you lift him, let him drown alive, The good Lord speaks like a rolling thunder” this song has two meanings: that one scene where Augus drowns Gwyn and the other is Gwyn training with Lludd and him not letting up on him bc that’s what Crielle (the good Lord) has said.

Old Devils // William Elliot Whitmore

“And they tell me there’s a war without no end, The old devils are at it again” Gwyn and the gang going after David and Olphix who created the Ice Plagus and the fire that burnt Mosk’s family.

Hurt // Johnny Cash

“Everyone I know, Goes away in the end, And you can have it all, My empire of dirt, I will let you down, I will make you hurt” Gwyn feels unlovable and he just wants the kingship to be handled by someone else.

[rainbowsky]

Hi. I agree with your timeline so much, but I want to ask for your opinion about this; after watching some videos of the DDU 2017, GG also seems really interested in DD, March 2018 DD sing "NanHai", that talks about being in love, broke up, and don't be able to move on, and later "identifies" GG with it. GG identifies DD with "If I were young" (song that DD sings on DDU later) about a man that gives up on love because he was old and insecure. Could they have try to date on 2017?

          Anonymous said:                                                                

i really don't think gg ever called a "pause" in their relationship after filming to reflect on his feelings as separate from wwx's, every adult should know that as soon as you ask for a pause something in your partner's heart breaks irreparably even if you get back together, it's not something you would risk with someone you think you might have a life-changing romance, you would work out your feelings internally without hurting them and risking losing the relationship because of it

This is in reference to my timeline post. Fake, fan fiction, CPN.

Yep, I’ve actually been planning on posting an update to my timeline because a lot has changed for me since I made that post a few months ago. I believe more and more that they got together before they started filming the Untamed. This shifts a lot of things in my timeline. I don’t think their relationship formed over the summer, I don’t think they had any doubts about their relationship, I don’t think character bleed was ever an issue, and I highly doubt there was ever a break (which I was skeptical about even in my original timeline).

However, I disagree with Anon that “as soon as you ask for a pause something in your partner's heart breaks irreparably.” I think it depends on how that’s handled, much more so than that it is done. Every relationship is only ever a sum of its parts, and if one of the people involved is going through something that they need to handle on their own, I think it’s perfectly healthy to give them the space to do so. 

If that’s framed as “I want to break up for a while because I’m not sure I love you” then yeah, that will break a person’s heart. If it’s framed as “I love you but I’m dealing with a lot right now and I need some space to sort things out on my own” then obviously that will land a lot differently.

Either way, it’s all irrelevant because as I said, I’ve never been fully onboard with that theory, and now much more than ever I don’t think it’s how things went down.

EDIT: oh, and @criell I didn't respond to what you said about the songs and a potential breakup at some point. Obviously I don't know any more than anyone else does if that actually happened, but I don't think we should read too much into the fact that those are sad songs, nor try to interpret the lyrics as though they're a literal description of what happened between them.

Both of those songs are very romantic love songs, they talk a lot about deep emotional devotion. They both said in the 11th anniversary TTXS episode that they tended to enjoy sad love songs more than romantic ones. Let's face it, no matter how long they've been dating, they don't get to spend nearly as much time together as they would like. Bittersweet songs like that probably really appeal to them for that reason alone. A breakup isn't the only way to experience a sense of romantic grief.

Of course it's possible those songs were chosen because they where applicable to their situation in a literal sense, but I don't think we should assume that. The sentiment alone I think most people could identify with even if they've never really been through the literal events discussed in the songs.

@jcisthebestfightme might have more to say on the topic of the songs.

[thermie]

Faedom Week day 5: Nostalgia

(of the day when i was supposed to post this: day 3 - family :D :D) It came to me in the shower and I don’t know what it is, but under the cut is a short expansion of the most badass line ever said by Gwyn - “I missed the dogs”.

@faedom-week

The sight of the estate made something clench hard inside of him, like teeth being ground together to the point of breaking, even after all the time spent away from it. Perhaps even more because of it. Not paying it any mind, Gwyn kept walking towards the entrance, schooling his already neutral expression to become truly expressionless because every bit of emotions he showed could be twisted back towards him like a knife in the skillful hands of his family.

Gravel crunched beneath his feet as he got closer to the main entrance, memories of his childhood brushing against him like timid animals, some crashing into him like waves. Instead of letting himself be swamped by them, he focused on the estate.

Even though it stood in the fae realm and as such was weaved through with magic to make it timeless and ever-beautiful, the estate still underwent some changes - different garden plants in different places, broken and new branches of trees - and Gwyn’s gaze lingered on them, incorporating them into the estate in his mind’s eye.

His eyes landed on the double doors at the front where he could sense his father approaching until the doors flew open with the effortless violence he carried about himself, Ludd leveling him with a look that made the weight in his chest clench harder and harder around his heart, strangling him and leaving a different person in its wake, one that was too angry to be afraid.

“What are you doing here?”, his father spat.

Gwyn could have so easily lowered his head and mutter that he had come to visit, apologized for coming unannounced, taken all of his fathers’ verbal blows and roll with them as he had done before, but he had grown since he was last here, both in size and in daring and he forced his expression into a polite smile.

“I missed the dogs.”

He stayed just long enough to see Ludd’s face after, a darkness in him thriving on finally coming out on top, managing to slight his father, get him in some way even as a bigger part of himself was ashamed of himself, not being strong enough to take what was his due and visit his family after being gone for a while.

Half-unaware of where he was going because turning his back to his father after insulting him did not seem like a wise idea, Gwyn sought out the kennels - not something he had planned on visiting, but something that would no doubt be more enjoyable, even if done in spite.

The servants had just finished feeding the dogs, looking surprised to see Gwyn there but keeping silent about it, and as his eyes fell on the fine hounds his father had bred and that had survived him, excitedly yapping at him from their enclosures, some recognizing him, some just excited to see anyone.

Letting some of them out in the training area, he fell back into play with ease even though he hadn’t done it in a while, the tension slowly easing from his limbs from the sheer joy of watching animals so full of life and joy, a laugh escaping his lips as a dark brown younger hound fell over his own legs in a race to catch the toy Gwyn had thrown, a slow smile settling on his face as he watched them bring back the mock-prey with such pride and adoration.

Hours later, Gwyn was sitting down in a pile of panting dogs, his hands idly stroking whichever dog was the closest, while his mind circled around his parents in the estate right next to where he was. He wondered what they were doing, if Ludd had told Crielle what Gwyn had said. He would undoubtedly be even more unwelcome here than he had been in the past and even though he knew that he could never be good enough for them, never make them proud, it hurt to lose what he had though of as home before the barracks. Doubling over and planting his face in the nearest dog, he pushed all thoughts of his family away, to be dealt with later, until he could just lay there and breathe in the scent of animals living their short lives to the fullest, without deceit, without hate, and without a horrible pain in their chests.

[fanofrandomfandom]

reactions to ch.6 the raven prince

Augus stared at the man without looking away, eyes shimmering in horror, a gleam of something that could have been hope.

‘What?’ the Raven Prince said dismissively. It was a flippant answer to his name.

‘Gwyn! Gwyn what are you doing?! Gwyn! Stop! STOP!’

I dare you. I dare you. Do it, do it and watch me tear you apart even without the ability to speak.’

Make no mistake,’ Gwyn stared down at the Raven Prince. ‘He can still do magic. Gag him.’

‘What did you do?’ Augus said, staring past him. ‘What did you…dare do to the King?’

‘I am your King!’

Augus blinked bright green eyes back to Gwyn.

‘But…now that he’s back...’

Gwyn right now, offended:

‘Raven Prince,’ Gwyn said, pushing up from the ground and turning away from Augus. ‘I, Gwyn ap Nudd, hereby take whatever status you are now, and return you to underfae, where you belong.’

TRP: 

Stop,’ Augus said. ‘You…you can’t treat him like this.’

‘Should I continue to listen to your nonsense?’ Gwyn said.

Prince’s eyes trailed to Augus, and Mosk couldn’t read the expression on his face anymore, it was softer than before.

He left his hand on the unbroken chain and stared hard at the Raven Prince, but the Raven Prince still watched Augus.

‘Don’t look at him,’ Gwyn said. ‘You don’t ever get to touch him.’

‘No,’ Gwyn breathed.

Augus: Hoe don’t do it

Gwyn:  it was suicide by proxy

Augus: ohhhmygod

His eyes went wide, and a sharp, quickly masked scent of fear punched into the air before fading.

And of course,’ he looked up, ‘this is untenable. In what year do I find myself? What season? How long has it been since my reign?’

The Raven Prince squinted at Gwyn for a long time, and then looked at Augus, then back at Gwyn.

‘You’re Gwyn ap Nudd, that churl of the An Fnwy estate.”

Are fae able to change alignment again? Ah, I can talk about it. Is the geas broken? Can I talk about dragons? Ah, I can. I can.

He looked at Augus for a long time.

‘Satisfying,’ he murmured.

‘The debt,’ the Raven Prince said. ‘The debt I owe. Debts are a…peculiar event, with Mages like Olphix and Davix. Best to leave this realm instead of pay one, I find. Best to…find a way out.’

Did no one teach these guys about the consequences of taking on debt?

The Raven Prince looked to Augus and then closed his eyes slowly, as though he couldn’t bear to see what was before him.

‘Did the Oak King also owe a debt?’ Gwyn said.

The Raven Prince looked at Gwyn then as though he was a marvel, eyes shining with pleasure. ‘Why, I have no idea what you’re talking about.’

‘He was born Unseelie,’ Eran said.

‘Eran,’ Gwyn said, staring at him.

If you are the Unseelie King, then who rules the Seelie? Crielle?’

‘Albion,’ Ondine said.

‘Albion?’ the Raven Prince said, laughing.

You were meant to be mine all along. You belonged to me and my Court, and your magic was mine. They withheld you from me. I’ll not have you continue what they started.’

‘I didn’t belong to you,’ Gwyn said.

‘He concealed it,’ the Raven Prince said. ‘What did he say exactly? That I was on sabbatical?’

[ᴄᴜᴇ ʟᴀᴜɢʜᴛᴇʀ]

So that if my body or self felt the Kingship vanishing from my body, I would stream all of my souls elsewhere.

*nervous laughter from the harry potter fandom*

‘And Augus?’ the Raven Prince said.

‘My consort,’ Gwyn said.

‘So you, who in truth actually belong to me, also took my-’

Gwyn walked up to him calmly and backhanded him across the face with such force that the sound smacked hard into the air. The Raven Prince slumped, unconscious, in the ropes.

‘Fucking absolutely,’ Ash said. ‘There’s no love lost between him and me.’

‘I know,’ Gwyn said. They both shared hard smiles.

Me during this chapter:

[not-poignant]

I’m so proud of Efnisien for trying to text Gary and get help, very glad that he seems to immediately know he has a right to not be treated in the way Michael is treating him. It’s great how intact his survival instinct is despite all he’s been through. (Like compared to FFS Efnisien just putting up with people treating him terribly and needing to learn to act to protect himself, I feel like FFS Efnisien would not have sent that text until very late into the story maybe (which is not a complaint lol that’s of my favorite character arcs but i’m happy for UTB Efnisien that he seems to be doing better on that front))

I’m so proud of Efnisien for trying to text Gary and get help, very glad that he seems to immediately know he has a right to not be treated in the way Michael is treating him.

Tbh Efnisien's always had a really amazing ability to fight even when he believes he deserves the treatment he's getting. Efnisien's fight is actually not about what he believes is a right/wrong way to be treating him, it's almost always about survival.

When he tries to kill Kadek, he's still concerned that he's a complete failure and that this is his best case scenario.

In FFS when Crielle literally stabs him nearly to death, which he strongly believe he deserves to the point that he stood there and took it, he still was the one who messaged the ambulance to make sure he wouldn't die.

When Kitson said that he was there on Arden's say-so and Efnisien let him hurt him, he still fought back eventually even if - for a long time - he was never quite sure if Arden made that happen (and doesn't know for sure until much later in the hospital).

My favourite thing about Efnisien is that he fights regardless of what he believes he has a right to. He's already doubting whether Gary really wants him (he started doubting this before he left), he starts doubting what is actually happening to him, and starts wondering if he's "too hard" for Gary and Hillview, before Michael Henton turns on him, and that doesn't change when he starts fighting. But Efnisien will fight. That's what he does.

His survival instincts often (though not always) override his sense of what he deserves or doesn't deserve, when it comes down to pure survival. Like you say, his survival instinct is intact! But survival instincts aren't based in 'I don't deserve this' - they're based in survival.

This is also why Efnisien often doesn't fight until it comes down to a perceived (or literal) life or death situation. Efnisien on the bridge. Efnisien with Kitson. Efnisien with Crielle and being stabbed. Efnisien with Michael. Efnisien with Kadek in UtB. These are matters of - to Efnisien - life or death.

There's a lot of other stuff he will put up with and be miserable over (especially in FFS, where there are definitely times he also looks at a life/death situation and chooses not to act), but it's amazing how often he fights regardless of what he feels he deserves!

[not-poignant]

Hi!

Just wanted to thank you for sharing your work with everyone. UTB is my favorite piece of literature, and I’ve read a lot. A LOT. I’m a 33 year old ex-English major.

Can we look forward to any more major arcs in UTB? If so, can we maybe get a hint?

Life is hard, but your work really helps me cope. So, thank you, again. Best wishes!

Hi anon!

Oh my goodness, thank you so much!! I'm so glad you're enjoying the writing so far.

There are definitely some big / major arcs coming. We've got the Henton arc and the Crielle arc coming, I just had to move Gary and Efnisien's character growth and relationship growth into a position for both to take place.

I'm actually just about to write the chapter on my end where Crielle officially comes back into the story.

And tbh, the hints have been there! Henton's foreshadowing about him not really having good motivations (anyone who has read Falling Falling Stars will know more about that, but I also like that some folks won't, but he's still very 'off' as a character), as well as Efnisien's certainty that Crielle will eventually kill him.

So yeah I would say actually the most action-packed arcs are still coming!

[not-poignant]

I love Underline the Rainbow!

I'm getting curiouser and curiouser about Temsen personal life. Will he get a S/O sometime?

Hi anon!

Temsen won't get a significant other because I want him to have his happy ending and he's already living it (well, he will be once he goes back to primarily being a doctor at Hillview again).

He would be much more miserable in a relationship, given he's aromantic (like most peak alphas, it's not a coincidence that the two peak alphas in loving relationships have developed PACS alsfjas), and really only has sex to relieve needs and not because he wants to make an emotional connection with someone (he can make emotional connections without sex or romance at all!) The only reason most peak alphas form relationships is as alliances that have nothing to do with love (i.e. Crielle).

The reason he's written as largely being so happy and cheerful (before he becomes CEO) is because he is! He's already living his happy ending. And that's a happy ending without a relationship. He's been living his best life for a long time.

[not-poignant]

Do you think the fact that people know Henton is not a good person adds to the thrill of waiting for new chapters and reading the story?

For sure!

A villain who is known, or suspected, or who alternatively has presented themselves one way but then slowly becomes the other, always ramps up tension (if the tension is written well). Though a complete stranger being a villain out of nowhere can do that too. (I think I did all three in Falling Falling Stars).

There's been quite a few people who haven't known Henton isn't a good person who are only just picking it up now based off some of the things he's saying, and I'd say the tension is being ramped up for them just as much, in a different way.

But even with villains like Crielle and Lludd, there's a reason I introduce so much of their villainy passively (in reminiscences, impacts etc.) before I reintroduce them to the story. Getting the layers of just how awful they are, builds up the tension when they do finally come back into the story.

If anything, people knowing just how bad Henton was in FFS has muddied things a bit in this story, because people have been expecting the same level of awful, even though that's not very realistic to the timeline, but that's okay, I think he'll still be plenty awful enough even in the timeframe he has to operate in. :D

[not-poignant]

Daily excerpt from chapter 11 of Constellations:

‘Did you still want me to play piano today?’ Efnisien said. Gwyn stared at him, and Efnisien grinned. ‘You forgot, didn’t you?’ ‘Do you just remember everything?’ ‘Like a vault,’ Efnisien said, laughing. ‘Um, probably not everything, but things like that. I don’t have to play.’ ‘Aren’t you nervous?’ ‘I am, but I enjoy playing. I’ve gotten used to doing some public and private performances. And it’s relaxing. I’m not like an actual professional, but it’s nice to do something that’s not research or data or interviews or some shit.’ ‘I’d… I’d like to hear you play again. I used to like it even back then.’ ‘Yeah, it was one of the few times Crielle was calm,’ Efnisien said, shaking his head. He walked towards the corridor that led into the rest of the house, and Gwyn followed, looking around avidly.

[not-poignant]

April 2024 Writing Round-Up

Here’s the monthly round-up of everything written and posted in April 2024!

Here’s the chapters that were released:

Underline the Black 85

Underline the Black 86

Underline the Black 87

Underline the Gold 07

Underline the Gold 08

Constellations 05

The Nascent Diplomat 43

The Nascent Diplomat 44 (Augus+Gwyn Tier+)

Underline the Gold 08 (Augus+Gwyn Tier+)

Underline the Gold 09 (Augus+Gwyn Tier+)

Constellations 08 (Gary+Efnisien Tier+)

Chapter Commentary - Underline the Black 39 (Mosk+Eran Tier+)

Chapter Commentary - Underline the Black 40 (Mosk+Eran Tier+)

Birthday Spotlights

Ohlo Ohlo Temsen

Crielle Ferch Fnwy

Janusz Bodanowicz

FANFICTION

A Stain that Won't Dissolve 35

A Stain that Won't Dissolve 36

Palmarosa 22

~

I managed a paltry 14,233 words this month across only 4 chapters. The burn out hit spectacularly hard and I have spent a lot of days staring at nothing, or being really sick, or going through incredibly bad mental disorder spirals. I wrote one chapter for Palmarosa, and three chapters for Underline the Black.

One thing I did which I don't often note, is that I plotted out the rest of Underline the Black, and know it will end around chapter 130-140. So we're absolutely over halfway.

~

Unfortunately I am going into hiatus for two months for Underline the Black and A Stain that Won't Dissolve, as well as the birthday spotlights.

Everything else will continue as normal. My secret hope is that I'll recover faster and actually be able to come back to a normal schedule sooner, but the reality is I may need the full amount of time (or worse, even longer), especially as Toby gets desexed next month and keeping him occupied / not jumping will be a task!

I'll still be around, and I'll still be posting content not just on Patreon and Ream (just not very much of it). As per usual, for every one Underline the Blue or Underline the Gold chapter that goes up in subscription, one will go up on AO3. And of course The Nascent Diplomat is finishing next month as well. <3

~

I’ll see you all in May!

[not-poignant]

Birthday Spotlight - Crielle ferch Fnwy

[18 April - Aries]

Crielle ferch Fnwy is the matriarch of the An Fnwy estate, a beautiful, evil Machiavellian supervillain who has been manipulating the Seelie Court and her family for tens of thousands of years, while giving the appearance of being a perfectly loving Seelie fae who only cares about truth and justice.

Mother of Gwyn ap Nudd, and aunt of Efnisien ap Wledig, Crielle is actually only rarely seen in stories, but has an explosive impact regardless, due to the trauma she inflicts or causes others to inflict on our main characters.

‘You’re not mine. You may have stolen from our family legacy, you may have parasitised our reputation, you may have even exploited and ruined the things about our appearance that make us – not you – beautiful. But you are not, you have never been mine. If you felt a short, sharp shock when you came into the world, my darling, it was my hands around your throat while your father tried to pull me off you. ‘Imagine, if you will, my dear, reprehensible thing. Imagine the first time you came back to me after we sent you away to play with Efnisien. Oh you were only twelve or thirteen? What a lovely idea that was. And Efnisien had you for hours. I told him to use knives. He liked them so, and he didn’t think he’d be allowed. So precious. And I heard the distant echo of your screams like a faint, familiar melody all throughout my day. A time when they stopped because he gagged you perhaps? Or your voice gave out? Tsk. He is – was – so crude. But still...effective. And do you remember? Oh, my creature, imagine it... ‘You came home hours later, hours after Efnisien. You were broken and cut and bleeding and so, so ruined. And you stumbled into the house, and there I was waiting for you. Breathless, actually. And you stared at me as though I would – what? – tell you that Efnisien had crossed a line, gone too far? Do you remember what I did?’ ‘You smiled at me,’ Gwyn said, his voice rough and rusty.

Game Theory

Game Theory: Introduced as the manipulative, evil, and cruel mother of the King, Crielle starts off with Cinderella stepmother vibes, until you realise that Gwyn's her only son and she can't stand him, favouring his cousin Efnisien instead. A torturer, abuser, schemer, and conniving Machiavellian figure, she ultimately has been puppeting the Seelie Court for thousands of years, and is the cause of Gwyn attaining, and then losing, his Kingship.

It's safe to say that Crielle has never been the Most Valued Player of any story.

The Court of Five Thrones: While Crielle only has a very brief appearance in this story, her presence is felt throughout. We find out more about her feelings towards Gwyn, through journals he discovers in her house after her murder at Augus' hands.

The Drawn Bead: In a story that explores Gwyn's first love, Crielle is there as a forbidding, tormenting figure, ruling Gwyn's life with an invisible, oppressive kind of terror.

The Curse: The only story which features Crielle's perspective, we see her as a child, a teenager, an adult, and learn about her dangerous proclivities, how her family did and didn't deal with them, and the depth of her love for a select few people, a love that she gave to Gwyn right up until the moment he was born.

Fae Tales – Alternative Perspectives: Crielle is only here briefly, but we see more of her dialogue with Gwyn, and more of Augus' perspective about her.

Underline the Black: Crielle here emerges as a cruel villain to Efnisien, in a flipped/reversed narrative where Gwyn is her beloved child, and Efnisien is nothing more than a neglected science experiment. Efnisien's life is at the mercy of Crielle's whims, and she puts him first in Hillview (an institution) to put him out of sight and out of mind, but as soon as he causes too much trouble for her, she won't hesitate to strike him down.

The Spoils of the Spoiled: In which Crielle even in the human world as a human herself proves that she can be just as evil as ever. Ruler of the household, torturer of Gwyn (and later, we learn, Efnisien), and clearly involved in corruption and organised crime, Crielle lives her best life in this story until Gwyn tries to legally emancipate himself from the family.

Falling Falling Stars: In the follow up to The Spoils of the Spoiled, Efnisien - previously thought of as the beloved and protected 'adopted' child of Crielle's - reveals over time the verbal, emotional, physical, and sexual abuse he suffered at her hands through therapy sessions with Dr Gary. Over time, we realise that no one is safe from her influence.

Crielle is very 'classically' beautiful, with blonde hair that has a slight wave in it, that generally falls down to her shoulders. She has azure eyes, a shade of blue almost never found among humans (even when she's human). She wears only enough make-up to accentuate her eyes and perfect lips, and maintains a very 'natural' effect to her beauty. It looks effortless and perfect enough that many who are experienced with beauty routines know she puts a lot of time into her appearance.

Crielle is asexual, sex repulsed, and aromantic.

Crielle is common fae, and while she's affected by the curse that Olphix cast upon the family, I like to think she'd still be pretty awful.

Born into a family in which some members are predisposed to sociopathic behaviour, Crielle was one of the worst and was not encouraged by her parents to be the way she is. Many people assume that she was abused into her evilness, but she wasn't.

To me, the concept or alienness of someone who is as evil as Crielle simply because she was 'born that way' is very fascinating to me.

Incredibly intelligent and perceptive, her few weaknesses are around the (few) people she loves and the way she will indulge them, as well as anything that threatens her reputation.

In Game Theory, when we finally realise that she is at the centre of Gwyn's devotion, standing there watching his humiliation, reacting in disgust to being called 'Mama' in a moment of vulnerability from her own son.

In Falling Falling Stars, Efnisien calls Crielle, and it becomes quickly clear that she holds no love in her heart for Efnisien when she calls him a 'ghost' and reminds him that ghosts are very easy to kill, making it clear she still wants him dead, and only inertia/disinterest is keeping her from following through because she'd already killed him once.

Always really fucking evil and irredeemable.

Frankly dies a lot.

Always a bit of a mad chemist. In Fae Tales she is a literal chemist and inventor of many different poisons. This has carried over even in to her human incarnations where in the Spoils universe she uses her knowledge of science to cultivate, create, or acquire poisons and viruses and bacteria to insert into Gwyn's food. And carries even more strongly into the Underline universe, where she runs one of the most successful synthetic hormone companies in Australia.

Visibly stunning.

Cares a great deal about reputation.

Usually loves Efnisien. Underline is the first series that has flipped the narrative so that Gwyn is beloved and Efnisien is loathed.

Kind of disdains her husband, who has no power over her.

Crielle is a real figure in Welsh mythology, though she was never meant to be an evil figure. Nor is she Gwyn's mother in the mythology. A sign of just how intensely I've bastardised everything for my own purposes.

She is good friends with the Ratcatcher of Hameln.

I wanted Crielle to be an example of how you can't expect that someone perfectly beautiful is a good person. I also really wanted to write a woman villain. I felt like a lot of woman villains at the time that I was seeing or reading were often written as petty or just in ways that made them somehow 'weak.' The appeal of Crielle is that she's an extremely effective villain and the only thing that stops her is her death (with the exception of Falling Falling Stars).

Despite how awful she is, I really love her! I'd write her more, but she's too strong and powerful lmao and she ruins my character's lives too much.

Crielle's colours for me have always been cream, yellow, white and blue. It's hard to imagine her wearing anything else.

‘How perfectly disgusting,’ Crielle purred. ‘A little worm has learned how to use the phone. I thought I had a caterpillar once, that would turn into the most beautiful butterfly, but it turns out the only thing my sister’s loins are good for, are despicable little worms.’ ‘D-Do you hate me now?’ Efnisien whispered. Crielle laughed lightly. ‘Oh, oh, my darling, I don’t hate you.’ A moment of hope, strong and bright, a sudden dawn inside of him. ‘I feel nothing for you. As far as I recall, I killed my nephew, and you are nothing more than a ghost.’

Falling Falling Stars

[not-poignant]

You’re so cool for writing so much Underline the Black this month!! As a reader, I’m so incredibly grateful. As a human, I’m so incredibly inspired. 🤘📖💛

Ahhhh thank you anon! Omg this is so sweet and encouraging, I appreciate you a lot <333

I'm pretty chuffed about it myself, and it feels good honestly to have the rest of the story mostly mapped out. It's so weird though being so close to the chapter that brings Crielle back into the story! O.O

[not-poignant]

Hi Pia

I'm actually really worried about seeing Henton again. As a character he really switches on my fight/flight response which is evidence of how good of a writer you are.

But I need to know so I can prepare myself: Will Henton be as bad as he was in FFS? Will his abuse of Ef be as extensive?

Side note; on the bright side this version of Gary isn't held back my his profession or the law and can actually physically give Henton what he deserves. PAIN

Hi hi,

So this is very YMMV, because different things affect different people.

So for example, what Henton does isn't as bad, however, it's not happening in the past in flashbacks, it will happen in real-time during the story, and we will get Efnisien's actions in real-time, which may very well feel more traumatic. I will absolutely be letting people know when Henton appears.

I can say that Henton won't have Efnisien for as long (i.e. not for months or weeks), he won't have Efnisien in the same context (not as a therapist), and he won't be able to do as much as he did in terms of the breadth of sexual assault.

However, he will get his hands on Efnisien away from everyone else, there will be some sexual abuse, and there will absolutely be verbal abuse/emotional manipulation as well.

And you are 100% right, Gary can absolutely physically cause Henton PAIN in this story. And the same can happen to Crielle.

For everyone who needs to see some revenge on these people, this is a good story to read for that.

I have no problems as well anon if you choose to skip these chapters, or wait until after the arc is finished so you can read knowing that you have a few chapters and will finish with it being over and Efnisien being safe again.

People did that during the Forest arc in Falling Falling Stars when Efnisien was suicidal, and it was pretty useful for some people to simply wait until they could land in a more relaxed space in the story! So this might be something to keep in mind.

So my summary is that things won't be as bad in terms of length and severity with Henton, but they might feel worse because the betrayal will be happening in real-time, be taking up more than one chapter (most likely), and Efnisien will experience that betrayal in person. And that can be a very intense thing to read in the moment.

If it were me, I would either skip those chapters entirely, or wait a few weeks for Efnisien to be back with Gary again and then smash it knowing it ends in a 'safe zone' so to speak. Obviously you know your limits best and what you can handle.

It's also a while away. There's a specific sequence of events that have to occur for Michael Henton to come back in the picture. However, he is likely to talk to Gary at least once before that happens. But we'll need for James' family to come back into the story, and then Crielle to come back into the story. Until they're both in the story again officially (i.e. not just being mentioned, but actively appearing in phone calls or in person), you don't have to worry.

This story is going to be long, and this stuff is a little while away. As soon as I write these chapters I'll be putting excerpts up which will give you an idea of when to expect things to land as well!

[not-poignant]

I've reached that point where like nearly every single song I hear I relate back to Vexteria which means I'm doomed and I'm gonna try and take y'all down with me

ldksjasfd

(I've also spent a lot of today daydreaming about like, Efnisien in UtB spending more time with like... Mosk, or Faber, or Nate, and I'm just like, ahhHHH he needs friends, and then I remember in the last chapter I wrote that I haven't put up yet, Crielle called Hillview to make approximately 1.6 million threats and I'm still like 'hmmm was it too early for that to happen' at chapter 60.)

[not-poignant]

Daily excerpt from today's writing, chapter 60 of Underline the Black (brief vomiting mention):

A laugh on the other end of the line. 'You could report me, then, Dr Gary Konowalous, if you really wanted. You may tell the authorities that I - a doctor with a full understanding of Efnisien's medical history and a loving family member - am simply reminding my nephew that he's frail and if he can't live without ardolphogen, as an omega, then perhaps he's too broken to live. And in return, I can tell the authorities that you have been poisoning my nephew with ardolphogen, keeping him from me, and taking my money under false pretences. I think, at the very least, you should stop charging me for his care, since I don't approve of any of it.' Legally, they were covered. Mostly. No court would look fondly on a facility giving ardolphogen to any omega. It didn't matter if Crielle set that ball rolling, if Efnisien couldn't talk about it, they had no evidence beyond Efnisien's body, which wasn't evidence enough on its own. The blood-tests still showed him as an omega. Efnisien bolted down the hallway back into the bathroom, and a short moment later, Gary's teeth ground together as he heard the boy vomiting.  'It's all so tiresome, isn't it?’ Crielle continued in her lilting voice. ‘All you had to do was assign an alpha to fuck him and break him. And that was if you wanted to expend any effort on him at all. Instead I hear that you're letting him live as a so-called alpha.' 'Have you never considered that if you wanted him dead, you could have arranged it yourself?' Gary said.  'I've certainly been considering that lately,' Crielle said, with a laugh so light and airy that Gary realised he wasn't just talking to another peak alpha, he was talking to someone who not only was incapable of remorse, but enjoyed the harm and fear she inflicted on others to a degree that couldn't simply be explained by her being a peak alpha.