#Crush sent me a good morning then we talked for the whole day about so many things and they let me infodump and everything and called me

[arabriddler]

it is kinda funny that suddenly I lost intrest maybe something’s deeply wrong with me

[jj-one]

FIRST TIME’S A CHARM.

this is smut, do not interact if under 18

pairing: sports au, football jock!boyfriend!han jisung x cheerleader!fem!reader genre/tags: smut, fluff, light angst (if you squint), reader is so in love with jisung it makes everyone sick, reader is a virgin, oral (f. receiving), fingering, piv, protected sex, use of pet names (baby, princess, etc.), typical nervousness of first time sex, cherry popping, multiple orgasms, spitting, dirty talk words: 5.1k

**old repost from my deleted blog

Feelings of melancholy plagued your heart this morning. You miss him. You want to touch him, talk to him, breathe the same air as him. Your boyfriend Han was your world. He hasn’t replied to your usual ‘good morning’ text yet and the waiting game was slowly eating you up. You have to get ready for cheer practice since tomorrow is game day but you were hoping that your boyfriend could walk you to the gymnasium. You dread going to practice sometimes but Han would always find a way to lift your spirits and make your mood instantly better.

“You need to give him some space y/n.. you know he’s busy, we can just walk together it’ll be fine!” Karina attempts to snap you into a reality check.

She was your roommate and also on your cheer team, she’s been one of your closest friends since you transferred to this school a few months ago.

“But he always walks with me! I’ll just wait for him to reply, what if he texts me while we’re walking there and then he-“

“Jesus Christ y/n, you should hear yourself talk the way you go on and on about this boy! Don’t you think you’re a little too obsessed?” Karina retorts, “Let’s get a move on, we don’t need to be late to practice for the third time in a row!”

Grabbing your arm in the process, Karina heads out the door with you to get going. You wanted to whine and complain some more but you decided to let it go since you don’t want to annoy your friend with anymore talk of your boyfriend. You could talk about him all day long, you never get sick of being around him, he’s just always so busy with football and other things that it’s hard to see him sometimes. Since the gym you were practicing at was near the football field, you’d hope to eventually run into him later.

Your boyfriend did ultimately text you back but not until your cheer practice was over. You kept messing up the routine and Mrs. Park, your coach was getting irritated by your lack of coordination.

“Y/n, what’s with you today?! I know you can do way better than this!” She snaps in front of everyone, your whole team was looking at you and the embarrassment fully sunk in.

You didn’t have much to say other than a simple “I’m sorry” and “I’ll try harder”, it was your fault that you let your inner thoughts cloud your ability of performing. You gave yourself a couple minutes to recuperate and stretch to join the team again, you couldn’t let them down since the stunt you had to do needed to be executed perfectly.

After cheer practice you read the texts Han sent you:

‘Heyyy babe, so sorry for the late reply :( I’ve been practicing all morning and didn’t get a chance to check my phone!’

‘I just finished, wanna meet in a bit? I’m with Chan and Changbin rn’

You were now grinning ear to ear from his reply, you’ve been waiting all day to see him. It didn’t take long for you to respond back to him enthusiastically.

‘Yes! Where are you??’

‘Still on the field but at the bleachers, meet me there’

‘Ok, coming now!!’

‘See you in a few ;)’

With almost lightning speed you make a dash for the locker rooms and changed out of your cheer clothes to go find your boyfriend. Karina wanted to tag along since she secretly has a crush on Changbin but doesn’t quite want to admit it just yet. Making your way to the football field, you see some figures in the distance sitting on the bleachers; presuming to be your boyfriend and his two friends. You picked up your pace practically sprinting at this point to go hug your boyfriend who was still in mid-conversation with Chan and Changbin. You didn’t even acknowledge or say hi to either of them, only focusing on the man in front of you now. You’ve been craving to see him all day and finally being able to hug him made the sadness you felt this morning dissipate.

“How’s my pretty princess feeling today?” Han says, still having you wrapped tight in a bear hug. His fingers stroked your hair as he felt you against him, words couldn’t describe how happy you were in this moment.

“I’m okay now that I’m with you!” You exclaim, nuzzling your chin into his broad shoulder.

Everytime he hugged or held you, it felt like the warmest place you could be. Nothing compared to his embrace, it electrified you in so many ways that couldn’t be spoken into words.

“Ugh! Could you guys get a damn room already? I’m sick of seeing you act all lovey dovey, makes me depressed that I’m still single!” Changbin teases the both of you. You know he was only joking but it made you want to be even more of a nuisance.

“Then turn around and look the other way, we’re not going anywhere!” Han fires back, now bringing his face towards you to kiss him. He plants his lips on yours and gives you a soft kiss, delighting you with the taste of his minty flavored chapstick.

“Mmm… that flavor tastes good Hannie, could kiss your lips all day!” You go back in for another kiss, completely forgetting that Chan, Changbin, and Karina were right there watching this whole thing go down.

“Alright, enough!” Chan interrupts you and your boyfriends almost near make-out sesh with a reminder of previous plans. “Are we still going back to my place for movie night? I didn’t buy popcorn and snacks for no reason!”

“Ah shit, I totally forgot about movie night…” Han face palms from the lack of remembrance.

“Can I join?!” You chime in, hoping that Chan will allow you in the group so you can spend more time with Han.

“Could I come too?” Karina asks, sitting next to Chan trying her best not to make eye contact with Changbin.

“Yeah sure, the more the merrier I guess!” He shrugs his shoulders.

You were glad Chan let the both of you come along since you didn’t know him that well, you only talked to him on a few different occasions but each time he seemed pretty chill. He was the football quarterback and was loved by pretty much the entire university, he was practically the leader of the football team and looked after everyone. Your boyfriend was also a very popular guy and was well-liked by all his pupils, he was a really good defense and took his athletic skills seriously. You were so proud of your boyfriend and everything that he’s accomplished so far.

“Alright, let’s get going shall we? My dorms not that far from here, should only be a 10 minute walk!” Chan says while standing up.

Everyone gets up from the bleachers to start heading in the direction of the dorms and Han takes your hand in his.

“You cold babe?” Han asks while walking, he sees you shivering a bit from the sudden cool breeze of the wind.

You were wearing a short sleeve t-shirt which probably wasn’t the best idea but you were rushing this morning. You simply nod your head to his ask, you could feel the goosebumps rising on your delicate skin.

“Don’t worry, here you go darling.” Han quickly takes the letterman varsity jacket off his body to bring onto yours. The jacket weighs you down a bit and it was completely drowning you but you didn’t care.

“You look so adorable in my jacket babe, always look so cute wearing my things.” He compliments you while holding your hand tighter.

You could smell Han’s scent on the fabric, everything about him felt like home to you. You’ve been dating for 4 months now, you transferred to this new university thinking you wouldn’t make any friends at all. As soon as you became a cheerleader Han noticed you straight away, he asked a few of the girls about you but you were new so they didn’t know much. He wanted to get to know you more so he went in to shoot his shot and ended up being successful, now you’re both dating and are essentially the school’s power couple. The most popular jock dating the new pretty cheerleader was the perfect recipe to get everyone around the school talking.

“We’re here guys!” Chan says while coming to a stop in front of the dormitory.

He opens the door to lead the way for you all and Han has his arms wrapped behind you plastering small kisses to your cheek. You giggle as you walk inside to see more people sitting on the couch. It was some more members from the football team who joined for movie night but you and Han weren’t actually planning to watch movies with the rest of them.

“Let’s go somewhere else, yeah?” Han whispers in your ear, his voice sending a chill down your spine.

You agree to his ask and Han tells everyone that you’ll both be back before the movie starts getting good. Chan couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at the fact you both casually go into his room, he adds one last piece of advice, “make sure to use protection guys!”

Han doesn’t comment back at that, only reacting with a chuckle and heading towards the bedroom.

Chan’s room was your typical early twenties, frat-boy style living quarters. Clothes spread all on the floor, a couple posters adorned the walls, and the bed was unmade with a few textbooks on top. It was everything you’d imagine it would be, nothing in the slightest bit romantic.

“Wow, what a lovely choice to make our grand escape!” You said sarcastically, looking around at the tornado of a room it was.

“Hey, mine is way worse and you don’t even complain!” Han retorts, throwing the textbooks off the bed.

“That’s because I clean your room every time I come over!”

You sat on the bed with Han beside you, he snaked his arm over to wrap you into another tight hug. You feel the hardness of his chest against you and the sounds of his heartbeat produced butterflies in your stomach. You’ve been waiting to be alone with your boyfriend all day and now that the time has come you can’t keep your lips off him. You brought your face closer to his and sealed his lips to yours, his short brown locks tickled your forehead in the process.

You’ve been thinking about the next big step in your relationship— sex. Sex was what built the foundation of (most) relationships, it only proved how much you love your partner deeply. You wanted to give Han your everything, you’ve never wanted to do something more in your life. As you slowly break away from the kiss, you make sincere eye contact with your boyfriend, his eyes shown nothing but endearment for you.

“So I’ve been thinking about stuff lately…” you trailed your eyes away for a second, not feeling so confident in yourself anymore.

“Thinking about what?” He asks attentively, his eyes were still glued onto you, you could feel the intensity of his stare.

You had either two options: tell him how you really feel and what you actually want or you can save this for another time. You went with the latter and chose to keep it to yourself.

“Never mind… I’ll tell you later maybe, or another time.”

This doesn’t sit too well with Han. He likes when you’re open with him, honesty has always been a huge thing for him and when you act reclusive towards him he gets worried.

“No babe, just tell me. I promise I won’t judge you— I never do! I just want you to feel comfortable and be able to share anything with me.” His hand rubbed your thigh gently which made you feel more at ease and much calmer.

“I think I’m ready to take the next step with you.”

“Next step?” Han replies with confusion, “You mean as in like getting married? I think we’re a bit too young for that right no-“

“No Ji, I meant like I’m ready to have sex!” You finally admit, the look on his face became utterly priceless.

“Oh— really? What made you decide that?” He wonders curiously.

He knew for a long time that he was ready to have sex with you but just never mentioned it until you gave him the green light. He’s never pressured you into doing anything you didn’t want to do, make-out sessions with him would get super hot and heavy sometimes but that still didn’t stop him from not pushing your boundaries. He knew you were a virgin and that it would take time for you to make a decision as the relationship progresses.

“I just love you so fucking much Ji, I wanna give you my whole body, want you to be my first.” You bring your hand to his, moving it to your breasts for him to feel you.

His hand squeezes your boob gently, causing you to gasp at the light action. He cups his whole hand around it and juggles it in his palm, smiling at your beauty.

“You have the most perfect tits.” Han says in almost a whisper, still admiring your presence.

Both of his hands now playing with your boobs as he massages them through your t-shirt, you couldn’t help but go back and kiss his soft lips. The kiss grew more passionate as time went on, you couldn’t stop kissing those precious lips of his, you wanted your face attached to his 24/7. You got on top of him now, tangling your fingers through his luscious hair whilst your tongues glide against each other. He removed one of his hands from your breast to go grab your ass, squeezing your left cheek firmly.

“Lay on your back princess” Han says, instructing you as you lye back down on the bed. You aren’t sure what he has in mind but it can’t be anything innocent.

“What do you want to do to me?” You ask, pressing your thighs together to feel something.

“I want to make you feel really good…” He continues in a sultry tone, “I’m going to make you feel so amazing baby.”

His mouth goes back onto yours, kissing almost roughly this time. Something was taking over your boyfriend and it was turning you on incredibly. He plastered a few more wet kisses to your chin and neck, leaving trails of his glistening saliva all over you. Not a doubt was going through your mind, just undying love and devotion to your boyfriend.

“I love you so much y/n, you know that?” Han says reassuringly, you know he loves you but hearing it still made your heart flutter every time.

“I love you so much Hannie!” You probably loved him more than yourself at this point.

His hands roamed your half naked body once he rid you of your t-shirt and sports bra. His soft, tender touch was enough to drive you crazy and he’s barely done anything yet. You held your breath as his fingers danced across your skin, your brain was completely fuzzy and only filled with desire. You tugged at the end of his shirt so he could take it off and he obliged, pulling it from the top and lifting it over his head. You get a full clear view of body, that beautiful body of his, you wonder how a man can be shaped so gracefully. He had the most broad shoulders, chiselled abs and muscles, but his waist was so pretty and tiny. It didn’t make sense how one could be built such a way but he was perfect, his physique truly mesmerized you.

You go in to feel his muscles, his biceps were absolutely to die for, every time he flexed you swear you could hear your kitty purring down there. He was just so hot, you needed to taste each and every inch of him.

“Want you so bad…” you trace the lines of body, fully enamored by your gorgeous boyfriend.

“I’m all yours babe.”

Han lazily brung his hand to the waistband of your pants, fumbling with the button to take them off but was struggling a bit.

“Here, let me help you.” You guide him in the right direction and he successfully unbuttons them.

Once your pants are off he slides your underwear down past your knees, his face lights up at the sight beneath him. You were nervous but didn’t want to tell him that incase he stops, feeling a lump in your throat now forming.

“Let me know if you want me to stop at anytime.” You loved that he was always making sure you were 100% okay with everything he did.

You nod and let him continue doing his thing, he captures his lips with yours one more time before a hand creeps up your inner thigh. His fingers lightly brush your folds and you shudder from the sensitivity. He smirks into the kiss as he presses a single digit against it, gathering your slick nicely.

“Your pussy feels so wet, I can’t wait to be inside you darling.” Han says after parting from the kiss.

His finger glides between your wet folds, feeling your warm juices gush onto him. He makes a V shape with his fingers to spread you open now, getting a better look at your heat. He licks his lips at the sight, wanting nothing more than to get a taste of you. He inches his head closer to your core and spits on it, watching the saliva run down as he licks a long, slow stripe to your cunt.

His mouth becomes suctioned to your clit as he runs his tongue all over it, slobbering against you whilst holding your hips in place.

“Fuck! So good, so good, so good…” you couldn’t stop moaning, the pleasure was just hitting you all at once.

Your eyes were about to roll to the back of your head and your legs were shaking from Han’s insane pussy eating skills. You felt your chest cave in from all the intense pleasure and just when you thought it couldn’t get any better than this, you were in for hell of a treat. One of his digits entered you, now fingerfucking you. You elicit another moan for him as his tongue picks up a quicker pace, his tongue flicks your nub viciously. His finger slips in and out slowly and adds another digit to make you gasp louder. The feeling of your boyfriend stretching you out for him was amazing, you felt your release coming by the second.

“I- I feel weird Ji..” you try to explain how you feel right now but you just can’t describe it. It felt as though you had to pee but you know you didn’t actually need to.

“It’s okay princess, it’s normal. Trust me, just let go. I promise you’ll feel so much better after baby.” He stopped what he was doing for a moment to encourage you.

His words made you instantly let go, you whimpered from the feeling of his mouth on your clit again. You rocked your hips forward to grind against him while he ate you out, playing with his hair and slightly pulling it once you felt yourself cumming. Your hips shook rapidly around him, his eye contact never broke off with you and it made you lose your mind. You mumble under your breath, trying your best to contain your orgasm but everything came crashing down violently. Han could taste your sweet essence on his tongue as he lapped up all your juices, not letting any of you go to waste. He kept himself buried between your shaky legs and pulled his fingers out, leaving you with an empty feeling.

“You ready for my cock babe?” He finally lifts his head up from your dripping cunt, his face fully soaked from the action he just performed.

“Yes, need you so bad Ji.. want you to pop my cherry.”

You looked at him with the most seductive eyes, he bit down his lip at what you just said. You know exactly how to make him feel the most special, he was special to you though, this whole moment meant everything to you.

“I’ll be gentle with you princess, I’ll try and make this as painless as possible for you.” He kisses your forehead and captures your lips in his.

He gets up momentarily to go find a condom in one of Chan’s drawers and quickly comes back. He undoes his pants to pull them off along with his boxers, opening the wrapper with his teeth and pulling the condom out to slide it on.

“I don’t usually like condoms,” Han explains “but since this is our first time I don’t want to scare you.”

You giggle at that comment, you don’t know the first thing about sex and all of this is so new to you. You’re just glad you have an experienced boyfriend that can help make this easier for you, it made you feel a lot less awkward.

“I guess I’ll have to get on birth control soon then?” You were willing to do anything for him at this point.

“It’s your body y/n, I’m not going to tell you what to do. You make your own choices.”

It was sweet how even right now he’s only thinking about how you feel, he really does care so much about you. Han repositioned himself to be between your legs again, his cock was now pressed along your folds. He gives you another kiss before asking one last time,

“You ready to do this?”

“Yes! Please hurry, I’m getting impatient!” You whine, wanting to finally feel what it’s like to take dick.

“Okay, okay, I’m just making sure you really want to do this!”

He rubs his cock against you, sliding it up and down to collect more of your wetness. You bite down on your lip, waiting for the real moment to transpire. His hand rests on the end of his cock, guiding it to your entrance, he prods your hole gently. A rush of pain inflicts your body from the feeling of just the tip stretching you, you could only close your eyes at the sensation.

“Let me know if I’m hurting you at all.” Han continues pushing himself in.

The more he inched inside you, the more painful it became. It felt as though your whole body was on fire, everything felt so strange to you. You endured the pain in hopes of it becoming better soon, you didn’t want to worry your boyfriend. You feel the size of his cock growing in you, the constant throbbing was making you dizzy. You held onto him tightly, not wanting to let ever go of him. You clench around him as he attempts to fully fit his entire cock but you wince at only half of him inside you.

“Fuck, you alright baby? Did I hurt you?” He studies you with concern, stopping immediately to gauge your body language.

“You’re so fucking tight, even though you’re soaking wet I can still barely fit my cock inside.”

Your face turns red as a tomato, you don’t know what to say and you’re getting too flustered.

“Awe, is my little princess feeling nervous? I told you it’s okay, I’ll be here with you every step of the way, I got you.”

He holds your hand in his, tentatively caressing the inside of your palm, he brings your hand up to kiss it and gave you a warm smile. He continues sliding more of his cock in and is eventually able to get most of himself settled. Your mouth is wide open once he begins slowly thrusting in you. The pain was starting to go away now, just slightly. You focus on the feeling of his length in you, you try to relax your muscles the best way you could. You feel so full, so stuffed, his cock fully immersed in your sweet cunt.

“You feel so good around me princess, just wanna fuck your tight pussy all night long..” he groans while picking up his pace, the discomfort comes back to you now, you wriggle around to make the burning sensation go away.

“Is it supposed to feel like this Ji?” You croak, trying your best to be good for him.

You know that Han would never judge you but you still felt insecure about your performance in the bedroom.

“It’s only going to hurt for a little bit, just keep thinking about me darling, think only thoughts of me.”

You can feel a knot in your stomach form now, his cock slamming into you deeply was making you see stars. You gnaw at his neck to bite down softly, you couldn’t hold in your emotions anymore. The pain was now fully gone again, the intense pleasure washing over you like a tsunami. You kept your eyes tightly shut to feel all of him, focusing on what he told you when he said to think only thoughts of him.

“Your cock feels good Ji, I love how feel inside me!” You cry out to him, arching your back against the bed.

You’ve never felt anything like this before, it all felt too good to be real. He increases his rhythm as he thrusts into you, fucking into your little virgin cunt harder. Your pussy twitches around his cock, you feel that need to pee like when he was eating you out.

“I- I think I’m gonna… cumming…” you could barely get a coherent sentence out. All you could do was continue digging your nails in his back and moan out his name.

“You gonna cum for me princess? Do it. Want us to cum together for our first time.” Han throws his head back as he keeps fucking you. He was bucking his hips in a sloppier motion now, indicating that he was getting close like you. It only took a few more pumps of his cock to get you to form a large ‘O’ with your mouth, your jaw stayed locked in place. Your walls contract around his thick cock and you gasped for air as you lose your breath.

“Ah, fuck y/n!” Han almost says with a growl, his chest feels heavy as he releases his load into the condom.

He continues thrusting slowly into you while gently massaging your breasts. You let go and feel your second orgasm approach, feeling waves of ecstasy throughout your whole body. You were both heavily panting, staring at each other with nothing but complete passion. Han collapses onto you, his sticky and sweaty body rested on yours. His cock was still buried in your cunt, you didn’t want this moment to ever be over.

“So how would you rate your first time?” Han asks while propping his head up, “on a scale of 1 to 10?”

“I’d say a 100/10, I’ll remember this day forever.”

You snuggle up against him, completely forgetting that you had your first time with Han in Chan’s bedroom.

“Well… maybe it could’ve been better if we did this in our rooms.”

“I agree, but hey there’s always next time!” Han finally pulls out of you and notices tiny droplets of blood on the condom.

“Oh my god babe, I popped your cherry!”

You were shocked that even happened since you didn’t feel anything inside you tearing, guess it was a myth that you could feel your cherry pop. Han looked so stoked by this discovery and you wish you could engrain the look on his face in your brain. You just giggle at his actions and give him another chaste kiss, cuddling with him and forgetting the rest of the world around you.

“I think we should head back out soon, they’re probably thinking what the hell we’ve been doing in here for so long.” Han gets up from the bed to go and put his clothes back on.

“I hope we weren’t too loud!” You say, grabbing your clothes to get changed too.

“If they heard us don’t worry about it, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. They’ll probably congratulate me by how much noise you were making!”

You blush once again by what he said, you can’t believe you just lost your virginity, you don’t feel any different physically but you feel way closer to your boyfriend than ever before. You felt like the luckiest girl in the world to have such a loving, healthy, and supportive relationship. Han Jisung really was the light of your life.

Coming out of Chan’s room felt the walk of shame. You couldn’t face any of his friends or Karina in the living room, they all instantly turned their heads to face you. Changbin started clapping loudly and everyone else followed suit after, you knew this was going to be embarrassing but this just felt like pure torture.

“Congratulations bro! It was about time you finally both got some!” Han’s friend/teammate Minho shouts.

Your biggest fear came true, everyone heard absolutely everything.

“Did you guys really have to fuck in my bed though? I just washed those sheets last week!” Chan exclaimed, giving him the evil eye.

“Hey, I don’t kiss and tell! Whatever happened in that room stays in that room.” Han brings his hand to his lips to make it look like he sealed them.

All the guys keep teasing him and you couldn’t stop blushing, maybe you should’ve waited to have sex in one of your dorms since Chan will probably never let him live this one down.

“You missed the movie anyway, might as well just leave and go for round 2!” Chan jokes.

“That actually doesn’t seem like a bad idea… thanks. Let’s go y/n!” Han links your arm around his and speed walks out the door.

Now that you were no longer a virgin, it didn’t feel all that odd to you as you thought it would be. It actually felt nice knowing you lost it to someone you love so much, someone you care so deeply out. It may not have been in the most romantic atmosphere which you’ve always pictured losing your virginity in a much better setting. However, you’ll cherish this special day with Han because even if it wasn’t the ideal scenery you had in mind, it was still a reminder that you had such a strong, beautiful connection with your lover.

[fayes-fics]

When The World Is Free: Chapter 9 - Partance

MASTERPOST PREV | NEXT

Pairing: Benedict Bridgerton x fem!reader, WW2 AU.

Warnings: A tiny touch of spice... some making out, celebrations and some more late-night confessions.

Word Count: 3.4k

Author’s Note: Multi-chapter fic based on a request by the lovely @amillcitygirl. Please see the masterpost for a synopsis of this story. This is when we find out if their whole gamble pays off... Happy Valentine’s Day! This is my gift to you 🫶 Also, be warned that the rating will increase in the next chapter. 😉 Thanks to @colettebronte for beta reading. Enjoy!

Montivilliers (just outside Le Havre), September 1939

You awaken early to the smell of fresh coffee brewing. A glance into the living room, as you wander downstairs towards the enticing scent, shows the sofa is already rearranged and blankets neatly stowed, as if not slept on at all - a little twinge behind your ribs at Benedict’s forethought around the ruse you shared a bed last night.

Almost reluctant, you enter the kitchen, and there he is, pouring two cups from the cafetière, the sunlight catching the ring on his finger as he does so. Your husband. Benedict Bridgerton. He twists, and you see he is wearing glasses, taking you by surprise. On the table, you spy a newspaper open. You are momentarily embarrassed that you are married to a man you know so little about; you didn't even know he wore reading glasses.

“Good morning,” his greeting is soft but apprehensive. 

“Good morning,” you mumble back, taking the proffered cup from him without quite letting your fingers touch.

Guilt eats at your soul as you take a seat, the creak of the old chair as you sit down seeming so loud in the otherwise silent room - guilt about pushing him too far with kissing, guilt about your confession, as if you burdened his sleeping subconscious with an unfair weight. It makes the need to talk about anything else bubble up within you.

“I had an idea,” you break the silence as he takes a seat. He says nothing in response, just looks at you expectantly. “We could pretend our relationship developed long distance. Say that we met through Eloise a few years ago? But were both with other people at the time. Perhaps we wrote to each other and, over time, grew close? I thought we could write some ‘fake’ love letters this morning. Fold them up, make them look a little old and creased, you know, and then exchange? Carry the letters as if we truly sent them to each other. It doesn't have to be many. Maybe 3 or 4? Backdated, of course.”

As you talk, his face lights up. “It’s brilliant!” he enthuses quietly, whipping off his glasses. “It's the perfect explanation! Then it makes sense I rush to Paris to rescue you! And my sister. The outbreak of war made me realise what you truly mean to me,” he spitballs, talking fast, gesturing animatedly. “It would explain our whirlwind marriage too - that we couldn't live another day apart without…. without being together with the looming uncertainty of war.”

His chair drags loudly across the tile as he stands up rapidly, grabs your hands, and hauls you up and into an embrace, lifting you off the ground and twirling around—a spontaneous celebration.

“You are brilliant!” he exclaims fervently, and then your lips find each other impromptu. A kiss that starts as a mere brush to seal the pact rapidly morphs into something else. Before you know it, your mouths are open, tongues tangled, and he is hoisting you higher in his arms, his hands grabbing your thighs, wrapping your legs around his waist so your nightgown rides up to your hips, the heat of his pelvis crushed against yours through thin cotton pyjamas….

And that is the sight which greets the returning homeowners and Eloise. 

A loud squeak from Marie has you rocketing apart, sliding down his torso back to your feet, cheeks aflame. But it's too late. There is no way to deny what they walked in upon-–you wrapped around Benedict’s body as you kiss fiercely.

“Wow… I miss that passion,” Jerome wisecracks in a bid to break the tension.

Although she is silent, the look on Eloise’s face is one you won't soon forget—shock, abhorrence but a streak of inquisition, as if taking on new information and filing it away. 

You and Benedict both mutter apologies in unison, which seems to charm your hosts even more into good-natured joshing as they unpack croissants and jams from a wicker basket.

“A breakfast for our newlyweds,” Marie chimes with a wink. “I’m sure you need sustenance after a night like yours.”

In some ways, although mortifying, you cannot deny the cinch they caught you in does not exactly hurt the illusion of you being a real couple.

And so you all take a seat and begin breakfast together. Each treat on the table is delicious, and the conversation flows easily.

“You do know Solene will be mad she was not invited to the wedding,” Eloise remarks offhand at one point.

“Pssh! Let me deal with my sister,” Marie counters with an almost stereotypical Gallic shrug and a dismissive chuckle. 

—

With a couple of hours until your sailing, you pack the few things you unpacked in the last couple of days and then turn to letter writing as Eloise reads. You sit outside, a delicate breeze over your sleeves as Benedict joins you. You agree on some dates and then fall silent as you pick up pen and paper and compose letters. 

Yours don't feel sophisticated, but they feel honest - writing about actual events back home and more recently in Paris to lend an air of believability, interspersed with words of affection, longing, and hope to be reunited. Your final letter is dated the day war was declared, expressing a need to see him as soon as possible.

You have no idea what Benedict is writing, but his intensity and speed impress you, pages seeming to pile up around his elbows as you see glimpses of his elegant, looped script.

“I just have much to say, that’s all,” he responds, somewhat enigmatic when you express your concern that his letters appear much longer than yours.

—

Before you know it, Jerome and Marie are dropping you off at the port in Le Havre, hugging you all so tightly with promises of letters, telegrams, and phone calls. You will certainly miss them and Solene; they have been so welcoming to you, even for such a short period.

Benedict wraps an arm around your shoulder as a porter loads your cases onto a trolley and accompanies you to the boarding queue.

“Just like we practised,” he turns his head and murmurs into your ear so only you hear. 

And then he sweeps you into his arms and kisses you, instantly opening your mouth under his, your pulse racing even among the crowd.

“Do you mind?” Eloises hisses, disgust evident on her face.

Breaking the kiss, you giggle and bury your face in Benedict's shoulder as he shoots her his trademark elder brother look of derision.

“Do you want your best friend to come with us to England or not, sister? Because we have to look married and madly in love,” he points out, his arm stroking your back.

“You don't have to swallow her face,” Eloise grouses, folding her arms and narrowing her eyes as she pouts, looking aside.

“The more convincing, the better,” he counters, but their dispute is interrupted by your being called forward to the desk.

After asking for your tickets and passport, the surly young man looks at your passport and frowns.

“Are you planning to remain in the UK?” His ask is terse.

“Yes,” you reply, clear but polite.

“Reason?”

“She is my wife,” Benedict cuts in, that arm back across your shoulders.

“Do you have proof?” the man looks sceptical.

Benedict produces the marriage certificate from a folio in his case. 

The man scans the document, his frown deepening. “You got married yesterday?” His questioning tone raises the attention of others nearby.

Your heart leaps into your mouth as a face you recognise materialises from behind a glass office. It's Theo Sharpe - the young soldier Eloise met in the bistro a few days ago.

“Is there a problem here, Jones?” he asks with an official tone.

“These two just got married. I have concerns…”

Theo peers at Benedict and you as if assessing you as a couple.

“What sort of concerns? They look in love to me…”

“We have letters!” you pipe up, nerves jangling.

“Letters?”

“Love letters we have written to each other over the months.” Benedict takes over. “When war broke out, I had to come and rescue the woman I loved. And then I could not resist proposing. And yes, we married yesterday. Sirs, you likely know better than anyone - war brings clarity to a man’s heart like nothing else. I could not go another day without her being my wife…” his speech is reserved but impassioned, and when he is done, he tucks you under his arm, kissing your forehead. 

Out of the corner of your eye, you see Eloise frown as he hands over your letters, and you do the same with his from your handbag. Theo takes the pile and unfolds them, his eyebrow rising at something in one from Benedict’s pile.

“Jones, tell me that is not the sign of a man in love,” he tilts the page to his fellow soldier, seemingly pointing to a particular line.

The man coughs and runs a finger into his collar.  “Oh… well… yes…” he seems to stumble, his cheeks heating.

What on earth did Benedict write?

“I think we can safely say they are a real couple, can't we?” Theo argues, refolding the letters and handing them back to you.

“Yes, yes, I think so…” the man agrees hesitantly.

“Well then, please issue the lady with the paperwork for residency,” Theo prompts, almost impatient.

You can barely contain the furl of excitement as the man dutifully grabs an official certificate and transfers your details, passing it under an embossing stamp and placing it inside your passport.

“Welcome to the United Kingdom, Mrs Bridgerton,” he smiles tightly as you see Theo shoot Eloise the briefest of winks behind the man’s back.

“Thank you, sir,” you breathe, almost stunned into a quiet silence, as again you are in Benedict's strong embrace. 

“Well done, you were perfect,” he assures a few moments later as you walk up the ramp onto the ferry, his arms never having left your shoulders since. 

With reality finally setting in, relief and elation radiate from inside - like the sunny day seeping into your being, making you feel the lightest you have felt in weeks. You can't help the grin you shoot him and drop a chaste kiss on his cheek.

“All thanks to you,” you demure as you cross onto the deck, “I owe you my life.”

“You owe me no such thing,” he counters immediately and sincerely. “Your idea - the letters - that is what sealed your future. You are much smarter and stronger than you give yourself credit for,” he adds, his tone ardent, a hand tenderly cupping your jaw as his thumb strokes your cheek. 

Again, you find yourself lost in his eyes.

“God’s sake, you can quit the mooning now, you idiots,” Eloise gripes and elbows Benedict unceremoniously out of the way, drawing you into a bear hug. “I’m so happy!” she chimes into your ear.

“Me too,” you reply, laughing joyously, hugging her back as fiercely.

“I may have planned for this,” she winks, withdrawing to pull a bottle of champagne from her bag with a flourish. 

And so, as the ferry pulls out of port and enters the English Channel, the three of you raise a toast to France as you watch the shoreline slip away. A kaleidoscope of emotions washing over you - a bittersweet farewell to your all-too-short French adventure, but also excitement and apprehension for the start of something new. A stay in England. And a new husband, well, sort of. For the first time, the future feels completely unwritten in a way that is freeing.

—

When you arrive in Portsmouth that evening, you immediately head for the stately Royal Maritime Hotel by the port. But there is a snag when you get to the check-in desk. The late hour and no reservation means only one room is left—with one double bed. 

“I will sleep on the floor,” Benedict offers, ever the gentleman, as you all accept the room, knowing it's likely a similar story in all the other hotels with this many people escaping mainland Europe.

After dropping your luggage, you all head to dinner, which becomes drinks in a local bar, all of you wanting the celebratory mood to last a little longer. You nurse just one drink while Eloise seems determined to drain the port city dry, tipsily wandering off to the little dancefloor in the back room. 

At some later point, while Benedict is at the bar paying the tab, Eloise returns, sidling up to your seat and loops her arms around you.

“You know how much I love you…?” 

“What do you want, Eloise?” you chuckle, patting her elbow as you let her sway you with her hug.

“I've met someone,” she whispers excitedly, her breath sweetened by brandy, “and I realllllly like him. His name is Phillip. He’s lovellllyyy,” she singsongs.

“That's nice. But what does that have to do with me?” you ask, amused.

“If I were to spend the evening with him, would that be okay? With you?” 

“You've never asked my permission to enjoy your previous dalliances, El; why now?” You are finding her thoroughly entertaining.

“Becaaaaause it means you will be stuck alone in a room with my brother,” she spells out. “And no woman should have to endure that,” she counsels with faux gravity, only mildly undermined by her comedic look of horror.

Your stomach vaults at the idea of a night alone with Benedict in a hotel room, but you must school your face to one of casual indifference.

“El, I shared a cottage with him last night; I think I can handle it.”

“Oh yes… and what in God's name was this morning all about?” she suddenly shifts the topic, raising an eyebrow pointedly.

You do your best not to choke on your sip of cocktail. “We saw you all coming up the path. Benedict thought it best for the ruse if we were caught in a compromising situation,” you bluff, waving your hand dismissively, even as you feel your cheeks glowing at the mere memory.

She side-eyes you momentarily but seems to accept it, giving you one more squeeze before bidding you goodnight. Her farewell to Benedict at the bar appears to be a smack on the arm and a warning with a pointed finger—ever the loving siblings. Then, with a flutter of butterflies under your ribs about the night ahead, you and Benedict head back to the hotel.

“Thank you again,” your tone is sincere as he unlocks the room. “If we had only known Theo would be at the port, maybe we wouldn't have had to go through all we did,” you point out wincingly, still apologetic, as he secures the door closed.

“We did what we had to. We were very fortunate he was there today; it was a wonderful coincidence, but we had to prepare for any circumstance. Besides, it is all water under the bridge now. You have your paperwork. You have your residency,” he points out brightly.

“But you had to marry me….” you point out, unable to let it go, guilt still shadowing your heart. “That was a huge sacrifice.”

“I am not the one who had to break a promise to another,” he counters softly. “You had to be the brave one here. You should not think of yourself as selfish. And you should feel free to pursue whatever you want in this world, y/n.”

Something in the choice of words in his heartfelt petition seems oddly reminiscent, but you cannot pinpoint it.

“I will still sleep on the floor,” he adds reassuringly, removing his coat.

“We… we could share…?” you feel your heart pound as you extend the tentative offer. 

The look on his face is indecipherable, but you don't miss how his pupils dilate a fraction. “I promise not to kick…” his response is a genial callback to your discussion days ago.

You giggle, feeling that lightness in your being again. “And if you do, I’m sure I could find plenty of rope to remedy that. We are right by a port after all,” you can't help but banter back, gesturing to the harbour outside the window.

His responding warm laugh is like a balm.

He excuses himself to shower, and while he is gone, you unpack some basics. As you are delving in your bag for your hairbrush, the pile of letters Benedict handed you spills out. 

Intrigued, you unfold them—curious to know what Theo had seen. The letters are a thing of beauty; you find yourself crawling onto the bed to read them properly. Pages of lyrically crafted praise that make your correspondence seem entirely lacking, more akin to a boring newsletter. You find yourself swept up in reading - lines of poetry, yearning sentiments and a few racier epithets that make your breath catch and your blood run hot.

‘Every night since we met, my love, I dream of nothing but you. Endlessly. I dream of your laugh, your smile, that wonderful little crease on your forehead when you think I am being foolish. You captivate me - body and soul. I dream of that delectable noise you make when I kiss you. I dream of tasting your skin. I dream of you coming apart in my arms, grasping me so tight you leave finger marks on my body. One day, my love, one day…’

You almost jump out of your skin when Benedict reenters the room, freshly showered, his hair in damp curls, sporting a distractingly fitted white t-shirt. You attempt to conceal what you are reading, embarrassed somehow, but it’s too late.

“I was wondering if you would,” he laughs softly when he realises.

“I’m sorry,” you utter, feeling as if you have snooped somewhere you should not have.

“Don't be,” he cuts in, smiling gently.

“How did you think up such poetic stuff?” you query, fingertips tracing almost reverentially over the words. A wistful ache in your being, hoping anyone would ever be inspired to write such an elegy to you one day.

“I just told the truth,” he shrugs.

“You must’ve been in love with whoever has made you feel like this in the past,” you sigh, standing up to put the letters aside on a table, feeling as if they definitely do not belong to you. Conscious of the slim band around your left ring finger, like a guilty weight stopping him from that possible life.

There is a long pause, making you look up at him. He is drawing near, something profound burning in his expression.

“You,” he breathes finally. “You inspired this in me.”

The confession knocks the breath from your very lungs, almost a need to bend double.

“Wh….” you cannot even find enough voice to finish a simple word.

He moves closer until you are almost touching.

“I heard you…” he admits softly, his fingers encircling your wrist, then bringing your hand close to his face. “Last night, when you thought I was asleep…” a plunge of utter dread in your stomach as you realise what he means. Your confession.

Oh no.

“Benedict, I….” but you can't finish. There is no end to that sentence, even in your quick mind.

“So I thought it was only fair you have mine,” he continues, a flicker of a modest but charming smile as he tilts his head to the pile of letters. 

Your eyes cut briefly to them before darting back to him.

“Y… you dream of nothing but me…?” you stutter, parroting one of the many memorable lines, a flicker of desire and hope and yearning so strong you can't help but ask.

His smile turns crooked. “Every night…” he confirms, eyes glittering.

“A-all of it?” you can barely utter it, your cheeks heating as you recall precisely what he wrote that he dreams about.

“Every word,” he asserts before his warm lips brush the back of your knuckles. 

It's like you are thrown into a hurricane, a hundred thoughts and feelings tumbling, making your breath catch hard in your lungs. But it all converges into one singularity as you stare up into those hypnotic eyes. An overwhelming need coursing through you. For him. A longing that is tart on your tongue and deep in your core. And you are powerless to do anything but grab his neck and pull him down into a searing kiss. 

Benedict taglist: @foreverlonginguniverse @aintnuthinbutahounddog @severewobblerlightdragon @writergirl-2001 @heeyyyou @enichole445 @enchantedbytomandhenry @ambitionspassionscoffee @chaoticcalzoneranchsports @nikaprincessofkattegat @baebee35 @crowleysqueenofhell @fiction-is-life @lilacbeesworld @broooookiecrisp @queen-of-the-misfit-toys @eleanor-bradstreet @divaanya @musicismyoxygen84 @benedictspaintbrush @miindfucked @sorryallonsy @cayt0123 @hottytoddyhistory @truly-dionysus @fictionalmenloversblog @zinzysstuff @malpalgalz @panhoeofmanyfandoms @kinokomoonshine @causeimissu @delehosies @m-rae23 @last-sheep @kmc1989 @desert-fern @starkeylover @corpseoftrees-queen @magical-spitt @bunnyweasley23 @how-many-stars-in-the-sky @amygdtjhddzvb @sya-skies @balladynaaa

[taesanluv3r]

chronicles of an overly in-love woonhak.

kim woonhak x reader

entirely in woonhak's pov (he's just yapping to himself the whole time), this is so dumb n stupid but i think it's silly cute idk 😓 cuss words!! lowercase intended, pls excuse any spelling mistakes / grammatical errors <3 enjoy :3

wc: 1,401

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖

"relax woonhak, it's not that hard"

all i needed to do was make a move. seriously, how hard could it be? i mean it was easy to help riwoo make a move on the girl he liked, so why would it be hard for me to make a move on someone myself?

but of course, the difference was that riwoo was hitting on someone random from his dance class while i, little pathetic old kim woonhak, just had to have a crush on the ever-so untouchable, and insanely stunning…

yn fucking ln.

i mean she's like- way way way out of my league, right? the other day i confided in taesan, i always talk to him when i feel lost...well only when i'm lost in the thoughts of her. that's only cause she's rather close to him, they're like siblings who aren't related at all- i think it's pretty sweet. otherwise, i wouldn't ever confide in that menace.

but he knows her very well, and he knows me very well, it's the perfect combination. anyways, i told him about my feelings for her, how she absolutely drove me insane. i mean who wouldn't go insane? she's just so effortlessly...her, in a good way, of course. god nothing bad about her would ever come out of my mouth...she's just perfect.

okay maybe I'm lying, she can be a little stubborn and bitchy sometimes...but that's just another thing I can go on and on and on talking about. i'm always talking about her.

taesan laughed at me, he told me i was oblivious and delusional if i couldn't see that she felt the exact same way. i mean can you believe that? she feels the same?! about me?! about kim woonhak?!

i don't believe it for a second...okay, i lied again. the statement did fuel my stomach up with butterflies and make my head spin and cheeks flush and all that…jazz.

and then he said one thing, the one thing that's making me think about everything all over again.

"if you love her so much, make a move!"

and so now here i am, sitting in bed at one o' clock in the morning. only eight hours until i have to go to school. which means that i only have eight hours to construct the most perfect plan to finally make my move. i mean how hard could it be? it's just like chess! not that i'm good at chess, i actually kinda suck at it…

"ugh cut it out woonhak, you're wasting your time!"

she probably doesn't even like me back. maybe she's just as nice as she is to me with everyone else. and surely that drawing she made me was just a friendly gift! and of course the poems she sent me were probably drafts for someone else…though she did send one with my name in it once…

wait.

wait a fucking minute.

SHE PROBABLY DOES LIKE ME BACK?!

OKAY, okay calm down woonhak. no need to get your hopes up too unecessarily high…

this does give me confidence though, just keep thinking positively and make your move at school FIRST THING IN THE MORNING!

"i got this!"

maybe i lied a little to my reflection in the mirror whilst getting ready for school this morning. cause she was right there when i arrived, alone and ready for me to go tell her I love her, but fear got the best of me…as per usual.

so now i'm here, in fucking science class having to listen to professor lee rant about whatever problem he had with lamarck's theory as opposed to darwin's. interesting one though, i know yn has a real interest in the theory of evolution and just about everything else biology related- maybe not plant biology, she didn't look too happy when we were told we're gonna study plant science next week.

just as i started thinking about her all over again, a piece of paper struck my head from behind. it landed in between my back and my chair, not very comfortable. i turned to reach for it, checking out whoever threw it at me as i did so.

yn ln shoots her unique smile at me, her lips tilting crookedly. she never smiled with her teeth because she doesn't quite like how it looks. i strongly disagree, i think it's adorable when her uneven fangs show, it's just another peculiar thing i get to love about her.

i stare too long, too long that she has to raise her eyebrows to remind me of the paper i was supposed to retrieve from behind me and read. my cheeks were probably redder than the ripest of strawberries- ironically, her favourite fruit.

the page was off-white, a cute rilakkuma print bordering the lined-sheet…classic yn ln and her cutesy stationary. i couldn't help but smile as i opened it to find her neat, yet absurdly tiny handwriting.

i admired it for a second, not quite reading the actual note just yet, but once i did…

the ink was pink, one of the gel-pens she usually used to write her overly pretty notes for literature. and the words she scribbled on the page were simple. well, as simple as such a complex and interesting girl like her could ever get.

"hi woonhak, i like you. like a lot. see you under the bleachers at lunch. :) <3 ★"

not even a question. if it weren't for the doodles of hearts, smiley faces, and stars all over the note i would've deemed it a threat.

another lie. i should stop lying. she could tell me to throw myself off a cliff or threaten me with a knife and i'd still be flustered and in love.

the lunch bell came a lot sooner than i calculated. perhaps my brain had been overstimulated by the test i had just finished, or maybe time is just that unpredictable when you're anxious.

i desperately needed to piss- another lie that i told myself to postpone the possible embarrassment i might encounter with my crush under the bleachers today. fuck. why am i so nervous?

i decided it's best to just YOLO and speed over to her usual spot under the bleachers. what's the worst that could happen? you know...besides her revealing it was all a prank and then totally making fun of me!!!!!!! ha ha...ha...

i'm cooked.

she was already there, a slight worry on her face as if she had been waiting and wondering where i had been. i was about to mutter an apology for being late, saying i needed to go to the bathroom and such but she didn't let me talk.

"i know you like me, woonhak"

at this point i was shitting sweat.

"um-"

i was interrupted.

"you took too long to say anything and frankly, i got impatient. cause i like you too- like- a lot. lol"

lol, she ended every serious sentence with that abbreviation to lighten the mood- cute.

all i could do was chuckle in relief.

"can we kiss now?"

she asks, her words coming out a little stale and hasty, but sweet. in a way that made my heart break and melt into bits and pieces. who am i kidding though, she does anything and i'll melt into bits and pieces.

"yeah-"

her lips halted my chatter. she tastes like an odd mixture of banana milk and…honey garlic fried chicken- but it tasted kind of good...?

remind me to ask her where she got her lunch from cause...damn.

the kiss lasted longer than i would've earlier expected, her hands were in my hair and mine held her waist. i had to bend down a little, she's not that short but she's definitely not tall. not as tall as me, that is.

alas we seperated. she giggled softly and i can see a faint pink tint brushed against her cheeks as she caught her breath. then she looked up at me, with the most precious set of eyes. it didn't last long as her complexion changed completely in a matter of seconds before these words left her mouth:

"ask me out, loser"

and that's just the push i needed.

"yn ln, be my girlfriend and take me to whatever place you got the fried chicken your lips tasted like!"

she giggled again- i swear a braincell of mine disappears every time she so much as smiled- stepping forward to hug me, which i happily accepted by the way…she smells good. she smells like a...fresh...teddy bear? yeah.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖

"i can't believe you actually like me back" i blurted out, watching as she stuck a chicken wing into her mouth. the sauce got on her face and i helped her wipe it off like the gentleman that i am.

"and i can't believe you confided in taesan, of all people!" her words were muffled as she chewed.

"whatever babe, now why don't you eat first and talk later"

she almost chokes as she stares at me with this bewildered look on her face. how could a person be so adorable? like? this???? this cutie??? SHES my girlfriend???!!!???

she speaks with half a drumstick in her mouth and her eyes were opened wide.

"DID YOU JUST CALL ME BABE?!"

lol.

the end.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖

LMAOOO idek wht i was going for in this one 😭 i pulled this straight out of my drafts tbh </3 reblogs n feedbacks r vv appreciated!! love u tysm for reading. love, kona.

[jwirecs]

RECOMMENDED BTS FICS OF NOVEMBER 2023💖

hello, hello! here are my bts recs of november! hopefully these beautiful stories get more recognition as well as the writers 💝

** anything in parentheses and bolded are my thoughts that can be disregarded if needed **

🔞smut || 💔angst || 💕fluff || ✅completed || 🔄ongoing || 💯favorite

Bad Boy || @i-am-baechu🔞💕💔✅💯💯💯

↳ Yoongi has been best friends with Namjoon since he was seven. He knew his little sister was always off limits but Yoongi never followed the rules. (we love it when siblings are supportive of them crushes. we gotta give respect to yoongi for not pursuing his crush to not risk his friendship with namjoon. but also props to namjoon for not getting pissed off when they finally got together though.)

Partner Privileges || @7ndipity💕✅💯

↳ (imma need me a man to give me partner privileges like this yoongi right here. like my man yoongi is a whole ass softie. i love it.)

Sharp Teeth || @dearly-somber💕💔🔄💯💯💯

↳ Jungkook—a love struck puppy pining for Y/N’s affection. Y/N—an obvious, hard-headed tsundere too thick to realize a shifter likes her. What could go wrong? (i have a HUUUUUUUUGE soft spot for fantasy fics (mainly werewolf fics and stuff, and i solely blame my 13 year old self watching twilight LOL). like if you are writing a werewofl/hybrid/shifter fic just know that is going to be automatically be in my reading list. when i came across this one, oh lord have mercy. read all of them in one sitting PLUS its still ongoing to. imma have a field day with this one i know it.)

Finding Your Boyfriend Sleeping In Your Hyperfeminine Pink Room || @rrjkive💕✅

↳ (theres no summary, but we just gotta love soft jungkook you know. like with the live of him just sleeping on live is freaking adorable and you can literally picture this big ass man with THAT HELLO KITTY THATS IN HIS LIVING ROOM and the man is just hugging that sht to death while sleeping.)

Five More Minutes || @7ndipity💕✅

↳ Anon Req: "Having to stand up in the morning with yoongi but not wanting to. cuddling and trying to stay in bed as long as possible instead" (i love soft yoongi, in this world, alternative world, ANY WORLD LIKE SOFT YOONGI IS SUPERIOR.)

Was It Better? || @gyukookswhore🔞✅

↳ Jungkook has been acting weird lately in bed, but your not complaining about it or are you ? (you know how it was literally no nut november for fics, well, lets just say that half of these fics on this list is literally smut. that says a lot. aka i clearly did not get the memo since i read mostly smut LOL. but this fic, is so detailed that i could read it again ngl.)

Wonderstruck || @jinkookspencil💕✅

↳ jungkook convinced his fearful girlfriend to try out a rollercoaster at the funfair… (honestly the ask that was sent to op was perfect. like stop this sht is fcking cute. got me giggling in bed kicking my feet and sht.)

Animal Farm || @joonberriess🔞✅

↳ (there was no summary, but holy jesus, this was literally a wild ride. like without reading the tags and tw, but the title alone, i thought this was going to be a lil cute fic about farming you know. BUT NO THIS WAS NOT ABOUT FARMING WHAT SO EVER BUT THIS WAS A WILD WILD RIDE. i say give it a read if you are like me who forgets to read the tags and tw (which is prob not a good thing) but its a suprise everytime i read something.)

Biker!Kook || @lustfuldevils💕✅💯

↳ (there was no summary exactly, but lets just say that im a sucker for biker!kook + reader. whether the reader is like innocent type or just a regular...person??? like personality wise you know. i dont know if that made any sense, but you know what im talking about..hopefully)

Every Little Thing || @7ndipity💔✅💯

↳ When you overhear Yoongi talking about how clingy you’ve been lately, you decide to take a step back from your friendship to give him space. But your sudden absence goes far from unnoticed by him. (i like to torture myself by reading angst that makes me feel sad and sht. honeslty love this one + im pretty sure theres like 3-4 fics from this op on this list. hi just wanted to say that i love your writing.)

Forest Bride || @flowerwrites06🔞💕💔✅💯💯💯

↳ The business transaction of a marriage between two previous warring clans takes an unexpected turn. (i love how yoongi automatically became protective over oc while she was slightly closed off due to their past experience. like all hail yoongi.)

Lost & Found || @theharrowing💕💔✅

↳ Taehyung just wants to be left alone. Too bad you need a place to stay. (i honestly love fics where its told from the members pov. like it gives us a chance to read about what they would do and say (even if its fiction you know) like it gives us a different pov then other fics where its mainly through a third-person pov or like the readers pov. love this)

My Alpha || @btsbrat🔞✅💯

↳ you discover that the soon to be alpha, Jungkook, is your destined mate. However, your story takes an unexpected turn when Jungkook rejects the mate bond. (i honestly thought that this fic wouldve been longer, you know just to prolong the rejection and what jk would do, but this pace is also good too. i hope that op makes a longer version where it involves like the in between you know! not that op has to make a longer ver, i also love this ver too!)

Of Storms and Vampires || @wishesunderthestars💕💔🔄💯

↳ During the worst storm you have witnessed in your life, a bat crashes on your window. When you bring it inside your cottage to take care of it, you realize it isn't simply a bat but a baby vampire. Your past has come back to haunt you because Jungkook's sire is no one else but Min Yoongi, who you had left behind when you disappeared five years ago. (this is still currently ongoing but i havent read many vampire!bts fics BUT lets just say, bats be cute and sht but deadly. cant wait to read the future chapters. also this is first chapter isnt rushed or anything so it def caught my reading eye for sure. went at a nice pace, not too fast, not too slow which i love)

Do check out all of the other BTS Fics that i have reblogged as well!!

** if there is any fics that you guys would like to recommend, please do! i am slowly running out of fics to read **

[jenniferjareauwife]

Panic Attack

pairing: jennifer jareau x reader

category: fluff, hurt/comfort

warnings: panic attack

word count: 835

summary: you can't sleep and end up having a panic attack, waking up your girlfriend for comfort

My hands were clammy as I stared at the wall. It was one in the morning and I had been trying to sleep for the past two hours but it wasn't working. All day my anxiety had been eating at me and nothing was making it go away. I thought being around JJ would help but it wasn't. I didn't want to tell her what was wrong, not wanting to bother her but I knew I needed her.

I put my hand over her arm that was draped over my waist and gently squeezed it, my breath catching in my throat. "JJ? Hey...babe can you wake up please." I kept my voice quiet so I didn't scare her but I really needed her to wake up.

"Hm?" She groaned as she woke up. "What's up?" She tried to take her arm back to rub her eyes but I didn't let her. My chest felt like it was being crushed and I needed comfort.

"I can't breathe." She turned on the lamp and looked at me with worry in her eyes.

"Hey..." She trailed off as she saw the look on my face. "Hey baby, it's ok." She slid her hand under my sleep shirt to rest on my stomach. Her cold hand sent goosebumps over my whole body but it grounded me. "It's ok. Just breathe, ok? Breathe with me. Can you do that?" I shook my head. "Yes you can. It's ok...it's ok just take a deep breath." I reached out to grip her shoulder, pulling her closer to me.

"I need you."

"I know baby. I'm here, I'm right here. Just take a few deep breaths with me, ok?" She took one of my hands and put it over her chest so I could feel her heartbeat. "In 2, 3, 4...out 2, 3, 4. Good job baby you're doing so good." She kissed my forehead. "I'm right here, ok?" I clung to her tightly.

"I'm lightheaded. I need water."

"Ok, let me go get you some water-"

"No. No don't go. Please don't go I need you."

"Ok. Ok take some deep breaths, calm down, I'm right here."

"Stay." I wrapped my arms around her waist tightly and kept my ear pressed against her chest.

"I'm saying honey, I'm staying." She stroked my hair until I completely calmed down. "What was that about?" She whispered. "You haven't had a panic attack in a while." She rubbed my back while planting kisses on my forehead, temple and top of my head.

"I thought I could get over it."

"Get over what?"

"Ever since the last case my anxiety has been really eating at me and I didn't want to tell you because I knew you were going through it too and I didn't want to be a burden but it got to be too much and I really needed you and I'm sorry, I know I should've told you sooner." I rambled, wanting to get all the words out now before I shut myself off again.

"Hey, it's ok. Don't beat yourself up about it." She stroked my hair and held me close to her. "I'm here for you, don't worry baby. I got you."

"I wanted to talk to you I really did." I assured her. "I just didn't know what to say and I didn't want to worry you. I really wanted to be there for you and didn't realize how bad my anxiety was getting again." I buried my head in her neck and kissed her shoulder.

"Well I'm glad you woke me up." She rubbed my back soothingly while we sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes.

"Jayje?"

"Yeah?"

"Can we take a cold shower? My anxiety is still kind of there and I think it would help." She nodded.

"Of course. Want me to carry you?"

"Yes please." She picked me up and carried me to the bathroom, turning on the cold water and undressing me, kissing my body as she did.

"JJ?" My voice hesitated a bit.

"Yeah?" She looked up with soft blue eyes, untying my pajama pants.

"Have you ever struggled with panic attacks?"

"I don't have them frequently but I've had them." She caressed my cheeks and kissed my nose. "Why?"

"I just...I've had a few of them recently."

"A few?"

"Yeah. Ever since the last case." I admitted. "I've never struggled with them before."

"Do you wanna talk about it?" She stepped into the shower with me and pulled me close to her body.

"Not right now." I shook my head.

"Ok. Tell me when you want to, ok? I'm here for you, always."

"Thank you." I leaned my head against your chest and wrapped my arms around her waist. "Hugs please." She chuckles softly, resting her chin on the top of my head.

"You can have all the hugs you want." And with one final kiss to my temple all my anxiety washed away.

[storiesaplenty]

The Lawyer & the Cop (18+)

Carl Gallagher x f/Reader

Main Masterlist

Just like all my other stories, this has not been proofread, but please enjoy.

Warnings: p in v sex. Oral (m& f receiving) fingering. Cum swallowing. Mention of anal, riding, cum on face.

WC : 2067

©️ storiesaplenty 2024: do not repost or translate my work. This is the only place I post my work.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Carl Gallagher."

I turned around at the sound of someone saying my name.

I was stunned to see her standing there. I haven't seen her since I was sent off to juvie back in middle school.

I looked her up and down quickly, and fuck she looks good. I always had a crush on her, and I was going to ask her out when I got out, but she moved away.

"Or should I say Officer Gallagher." She emphasized the word officer.

"Been along time." Was all I said with a soft smile, which she returned.

"It has been." She was about to say something else, but her name was being called.

"I gotta go. Maybe I'll see you around Carl." She said as she turned around and walked towards a small group of people.

"Who was that?" My partner asked me.

I told him her first name. "We used to school together. She moved when we were in middle school."

What I didn't say was that she was also my crush growing up.

I always had a soft spot for her. I never once inflicted any type of pain on her like I did our other classmates.

When I heard her and her family moved away, I became even more angry, but then I realised that she got out of the South Side and could make a name for herself, and I see that she has.

I saw her the next time I had to come to court and testify.

"Are you still stalking me after all these years Carl?" She teased as I sat down next to her on the bench.

"I didn't stalk you."

Yes I did. Her window was ont the first floor of her house. Of course I would be outside, watching her window to see if I could see her, but she always had the blinds closed.

"So that wasn't you watching me do homework in my bedroom?"

I sighed and turned my body so I was facing her. "I was young and stupid, and I had a massive crush on you, and." I cut myself off when she placed her hand on my knee.

"I know you did Carl. I had a crush on you as well."

I was taken back by that. "Wait, what?"

"I did Carl. Fuck, I was going to say something to you but then you went to juvie and then we moved in with my Aunt."

We were interrupted once again by her colleagues, and she gave me a smile to indicate how sorry she was for leaving once more.

She was a mere few feet away from and she dropped something on the floor, and bent down to pick it up.

My eyes zoned in on her ass as she bent over. I felt my cock twitch in my uniform pants as I wanted to do nothing more than bury my face between her thighs and let her fall apart with my mouth and fingers.

◆

I jerked myself to images of her that night and the next morning. Even as I drove around, doing my job I would get flashes of what I thought about.

Her on her knees looking up at me, with her face covered in my cum.

Her screaming out my name as I fuck her into my mattress.

Her riding me, her tits bouncing as I bury my face between her tits.

Sinking into her ass, as she whimpers out how big I am.

It was a long few shifts, that is for certain.

I was certain I would not be seeing her for some time, until I was called back to court again.

The original jury was found to be talking about what was happening in court, and they had to be scrapped and get a whole new jury section.

I walked into the court house, ready to get this done and over with, when I got told that we would be starting late.

I was frustrated beyond belief, already not having a good day.

Besides being sexually frustrated, I woke up late today.

Then I was given the wrong coffee order and I dropped my breakfast sandwich on the ground.

But that all seemed to wash away when I saw her walking towards me.

She was wearing a pencil skirt, and what I came only assume is a silk blouse, and wearing heels.

She looked every bit of a professional lawyer that she was, and I wanted to ruin her.

I walked towards her with purposeful steps, and she looked up from her phone as she must have heard my footsteps.

She smiled when she saw me.

"Hello Carl."

"How much time do you have until you have to be in court?" I asked her, not even bothering to say hello.

"Not for another 40 minutes or so, why?"

I didn't answer her, I leaned in and kissed her, expecting for her to pull back and slap me, but no, she didn't.

She deepened the kiss just a bit, then she pulled back once she realized where we were. We both looked around, but no one was really paying attention to us.

"I'll meet you in the family washroom in five minutes, on the second floor." That one is hardly used.

I walked up the stairs, not knowing if she would be meeting me there or not, but I have to take a chance.

◆

I looked at my watch and she had thirty seconds to come in before I leave, disappointed. The door swung open and there she was.

She came in and locked the door behind her.

I closed the small gap between our two bodies, crashing my lips against hers, the two of us moaning into the kiss.

She instantly wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me even closer to her body, if that was even possible.

My hands were running up and down her body, and then I stopped at her skirt.

I bunched her skirt up and moved her panties to the side and with one nod of her head, I inserted one finger. I slapped my other hand on the door next to her head as she whimpered.

I inserted another finger, making her gasp into our kiss. I pulled my face back just a bit, but keeping our lips almost touching as I started to slowly thrust my fingers in and out of her wet pussy.

I watched her face to see if was doing what she liked. Her hand was gripping my shoulders, her eyes are closed and her mouth is hanging open.

"Carl I need you." She moaned.

"I'm right here baby." I growled out, not being able to help it as I finally got to hear my name fall from her lips in pleasure.

"Not much time." She gasped out as I picked up my pace as I continued to finger her.

I pulled my fingers out and told her to watch me. I placed the fingers on my tongue, moaning at the taste of her as I sucked my fingers clean.

She grabbed the sides of my head and kissed me, hard.

The two of us moaning into the kiss as I unbuckled my pants, as the two of us turned around for her to lean against the sink.

I turned her around as I pulled my dick out of my pants.

"No condom." I was frantic once I realized I didn't have one on me. Her and I made eye contact in the mirror as she leaned over.

"I'm clean and on the pill."

"Me too." I said as I lined myself up with her pussy and slowly started to push in.

I placed my head between her shoulder blades, groaning at how tight and warm she feels wrapped around my cock as I pushed inch by agonising inch inside her pussy, until my hips were flush against her ass.

My eyes were closed.

I haven't moved a single inch.

I could hear her little whines.

"Carl, please move." She begged.

"Give me a moment." I said through gritted teeth. "I don't want this to end."

I pulled back until just the tip was left and then slammed into her. She covered her mouth to muffle her moan.

"Been dreaming about this moment for years." I told her as I started to thrust in and our her pussy. I could feel her pussy tighten around my cock at my confession.

"Same, oh fuck. Just like that Carl." Her and I made eye contact in the mirror. Her eyes were half-closed, little gasps and whines were falling from her lips as I continued to fuck her.

I reached around and gripped her throat gently, pulling her back flush against my chest.

I watching her eyes fly open as her one hand gripped my wrist. I felt her pulse quicken under my hand as I tightened my hold on her throat just a bit more.

The only sounds in the small bathroom were our moans and gasps, my hips meeting her ass I fucked her.

But I needed to taste her.

I pulled out of her, and turned her around before she even knew what was going on.

I buried my face between her thighs, her hands instantly grabbing the back of my head.

Her legs were shaking as I ate her out like this was my last meal.

I couldn't get enough of her.

I was about to wrap my mouth around her clit but she started to pull my head back.

I didn't budge as I took her clit on my mouth and started to suck on it.

Her legs were shaking on either side of my head, but she started to pull even harder on my hair, telling me to get up.

I groaned at the slight pain but I did as she wanted.

"Want to cum on your cock." No need to tell me twice.

I wrapped her leg around my waist and thrust inside her once more.

She was close, her walls were fluttering around my cock.

I changed the angle of my thrusts and I was hitting that spot inside of her that her digging her nails into my back, leaving her mark on me as she buried her face in my chest, crying out my name as her body shook.

I fucked her through her orgasm, not wanting this to end, but I could feel that I was close as well.

"Where?" I asked.

"Back up." I did as she asked, my hand quickly jerking my cock as I watched her slide on to her knees.

She opened her mouth and stuck out her tongue.

At that moment I didn't care how loud I was as I groaned out her name as I placed my cock on her tongue just as I was coming.

She wrapped her lips around my cock and swallowed as quickly as she could.

I had to force myself to keep my eyes open, as I never thought that this would ever happen.

She continued to suck until I pulled my hips back.

She looked up at me and opened her mouth to show me that my cum was all gone.

I tucked my cock away, and helped her to her feet.

I reached into my discarded jacket pocket and pulled out some gum for her and I.

I cleaned my face with the hand soap and water as she fixed herself up.

She looked at the smartwatch on her wrist and her eyes got real wide at the messages she got while she was busy.

"Shit. I gotta go." She finished fixing herself up.

"Same." I sadly said, which had her stopping in her tracks as she was about to open the door.

With her hand on the door handle, she turned to look at me.

"Carl, I don't know if wanted this to be a one time thing, but if you don't have any plans later," She trailed off.

"I don't want this to be a one time thing. I'll be waiting for you once my time in court is done."

"I'll see you later, Officer Gallagher." She kissed my cheek and left me standing there in the washroom.

I touched my cheek, not believing what happened.

I smiled to myself as I walked out of the washroom to go do my time in court.

[x-ceirios-x]

letters: emma and jensen

a handful of letters/fire messages between jensen ashfair and his friend emma carstairs. takes place between the end of city of glass and the beginning of city of lost souls

Emma,

Sorry I haven’t been answering your letters. Things here are still crazy. I feel terrible all the time. Mom’s trying her best to cheer me up, but I can see she’s upset too. I slept in her bed with her the other day—I think it made us both feel better. 

Thanks for checking in. 

- Jensen

— —

Emma,

Mom says she thinks its a good thing for me to talk to you some more. I want to, I guess I don’t know what all to say. Life’s not too interesting right now, just a lot of Rowan and Dad fighting. Alec’s on vacation with Magnus which is super cool, I wish I was on vacation. Maybe one day, I can come visit you in LA! That would be fun, right?

I’m gonna go back to reading my comic books now. It’s good to hear from you. Mom says thank you, too. 

- Jensen

— —

Em,

How are things in LA? I hope they’re good. Thanks for asking about the comics. I’ve been reading this Spiderman series that I think is super cool! I really like that Spiderman could be anybody behind the mask. Maybe I could be spiderman one day. That sounds lame. Ignore that. 

I’m still missing Max but I had dinner with Jace and Clary and Izzy last night. I think Rowan was at Simon’s house. They seem to spend a lot of time with him lately, which is funny, because I think he’s dating Izzy. They hang out a lot, though, and I think Rowan has a crush on him. You can’t tell anyone that, though!! Please. Rowan will kill me. 

Dinner was good. Dad cooked, and he made this chili stuff that he says Uncle Patrick can’t eat cause it’s too spicy. I think it’s funny. I’m gonna write to Aline and see if he’s messing with me and trying to make me laugh or if he’s being serious. 

I found out from Mom today that Dad likes to draw. I didn’t know that. I asked and he didn’t say much about it, but maybe that’s where I get the steady hand from. Clary says when I draw runes it doesn’t hurt so much. Don’t you have a friend that likes to draw? Maybe he could teach me one day.

It’s late where I am right now. I should probably go to bed soon, Jace said he’s gonna take me out for training tomorrow morning. I don’t feel like running, maybe he’ll let me climb for a bit. I like climbing. 

Say hi to the Blackthorns for me.

- Jensen

— —

Emma,

I’m worried about Jace. He seems really closed off lately. No one really wants to tell me what’s going on, which is fine, but I’ll ask him about it later, maybe. Everyone’s off at that party for Luke and Jocelyn tonight, which is cool, but I didn’t really wanna go even if I was invited. 

Otherwise, things seem okay. I think my dad and Mom are hanging out a lot lately, and that Andy girl is third-wheeling a lot. Andy is Jace’s sister, I guess (Jace has a sister, it’s not Clary, it’s a whole thing. I don’t even know anymore, I just stopped asking). She’s an adult though, so I guess she’s helping Mom. 

I forget if I ever explained this. Mom and Dad aren’t actually together. Mom is Maryse, who isn’t “technically” my mom, but she’s Mom. Y’know? Dad is my actual dad. It’s strange, but I call the Lightwoods family too. Kinda like you and the Blackthorns, right? I think family is whoever you decide to annoy for the rest of your life. 

I hope things are good. I like the picture you sent with the last letter with the palm trees—things are getting colder here and all the trees lost their leaves. I wish it was 70 again, not below freezing when it gets dark out. Visiting sounds better every day. Maybe with some convincing, we can get Mom to bring me for a few days. 

- Jensen

Jen,

I think a visit sounds great! Maybe I’ll talk to Julian’s dad and the parents can work something out. Let me know! I don’t envy your weather right now, the sunshine feels amazing. It NEVER rains here though. You might have to get used to the dry heat. It sucks. We’ll take you to the beach sometime. 

That’s funny about your mom and dad. I don’t have that, but Julian’s dad is pretty cool. I think you just collect moms like crazy. You’ve gotta have at least two, is there any others you haven’t told me about?

Sorry things are stressful, but I’m glad you’re doing better. Things are good here, too. Not much different in my life, but you guys in New York seem to have something different going on every week. Keep me in the loop—I’m rooting for you!

With love,

Emma Carstairs

— — 

Jen,

Hope you’re doing okay. I haven’t heard from you lately. There’s some council meeting happening soon and Helen is going to that with Julian and the Blackthorns. I dunno what it is. I’m gonna see if I can go so I can see you! It’s been too long. I’ll keep this short so I can tell you all about life when I get there. 

With love,

Emma Carstairs

— —

Jensen, where are you? I know this won’t go through, but it doesn’t hurt to try. Everyone’s trying to find you. Just hold on a little for me. 

With love, 

Emma

[goldenchunkycat]

I still love him (Do I ?)

___

Pairing: Sunghoon x Reader

___

Summary: Patterns of disrespect in a relationship.

___

Warnings:

- ANGST: Toxic relationship, Sunghoon does not respect reader feelings or privacy, swear word like once. ___ A/N: I do not romanticize toxic relationships. Please, love, be loved, and respect your other significant ♡

"Miss, would you like to order ?"

"Sorry, I did not- Just a few more minutes please..."

"Of course, I'll be back in a few minutes."

She was polite, smiling, kind, and obviously pitying me. I was pitying myself too. I have been sitting here, on this bench, for an hour now. At first, I was just thinking that he was a bit late. Nothing too unusual, I was used to it. But it wasn't pissing me off, since I have been late to some of our dates too. But minutes after, I came the horrid conclusion that he was not going to come. Maybe he forgot, maybe he had a busy schedule. He was an idol, I knew what to expect from him. But...it still hurts.

"Excuse me !"

"Yes Ma'am ? Would you like to order ?"

"Yes. I'll take a hot chocolate with a muffin please. Cheesecake and strawberry, please."

"Okay ! I'll be back in a few minutes."

"Thank you."

At least that random person was kind, otherwise I would be crying in the middle of this cute coffee shop, looking at the picture that Sunghoon posted on his private Instagram account. Yeah. He really was busy.

"I told you a hundred time that I'm sorry, I'll make it up to you."

"You look very sorry when you roll your eyes."

"I'm in idol ! I have a schedule, deadlines, expectations, people are looking up to me, I can't deceive them !"

It hurts. His words are like gunshots, tearing me appart, shattering my heart and crushing the last pieces of it.

"Do,'t you think that I have a life too ? I may not be famous like you, but I'm working too ! I literally lied to my employer to be able to go on this date with you because you said it was your only day off of the month. But you made me wait and make a fool of myself in that coffee shop !"

"Look, I really gotta go, we'll talk about this later, okay ?"

And he hung up on me. Because Sunghoon was like this. He was always late, disregarding of my free time, and never here to discuss things that matters. Well, it matters to me, but what about him ? But it's fine, I'm the one who picked him, I fell in love with him and I still love him.

"What is it ? Tell me !"

"No, it's a surprise."

I giggled at his words, holding his hand close to my heart. I hate whenever I act like this, smiling big, giggling like a lovesick girl. But that's what I was. A lovesick girl. And Sunghoon a good boyfriend who keeps his words. When I woke up this morning, he sent me a text, saying that he was going to take me on a date. So dressed nice, just for him. He just came to pick me up in a jogging and a white shirt. It was fine, as long as he felt comfortable in whatever he was wearing.

"Okay, you can open your eyes."

Oh.

"Oh- Oh ! Sunghoon, thank you so much, it's...very nice."

"What's with the face, don't you like it ?"

He gave me the look. The disappointed one. The one who made me feel like a bad girlfriend who was never happy and very much ungrateful.

"I really like it, babe. But you know that I'm allergic to cats, right..?"

I just wanted him to tell me that he just forgot, that he could take me elsewhere. But he just gave me the other look. The 'duh' one. The one who made me feel like I was dumb, like we weren't on the same page.

"I know. I just really wanted to come here. And since it's my day off I wanted to take you on a date too. Thought that you could do some efforts."

Efforts. There's no 'efforts' that I can make, because if I come in there I'm gonna be sick for a whole week. Don't you realize that it can injure me severely ? If you did not forgot then why did you bring me here ? Don't you care about my health, for my safety ?

Those are the words that I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. I wanted to yell and throw a tantrum, to be the selfish one for once. To look at him like he looked at me. But did not uttered a word. I just smiled and followed him in the coffee. Because Sunghoon was like this, he was selfish and did not gave two buck about my safety if he could enjoy himself. But it's fine, I'm the one who picked him, I fell in love with him and I still love him.

"I'm here."

"Finally."

"Sorry, had to do something on the way here."

Are you ? Didn't you just showed up two hours late ? Didn't you made me eat our dinner alone when you promised that you would come tonight ?

"I'm changing, don't come in the bedroom !"

"I have to take your charger, like, right now."

"Yeah, but you can wait a few minutes."

"No."

Just as I was changing my underwear, he barged into my bedroom, looking at me briefly before walking beside me to take my charger who was on my bed.

"Sunghoon, what the fuck ?"

"Oh, come on it's fine, I'm your boyfriend."

I felt like throwing up and crying while running at marathon. I wanted to kick him out of my apartment to teach him that no, it was not fine, even if he was my boyfriend. But I remained silent, eyes wide ,shocked at his demeanor.

"Get out !"

He plopped on the bed, laughing and winking at me, getting himself comfortable while ignoring my pleas.

"Please, get out of my bedroom, Sunghoon..."

He shrugged and plugged his phone. I hated the fact that I had to took my clothes and go change into my bathroom. I hated that when I looked at my reflection, the only thing that I saw was tears filling up my eyes, rosy cheeks because of the embarrassment and self-consciousness that was coursing through my body. I hated the fact that he was indifferent. Because Sunghoon was like this, disrespectful of my mental and physical privacy. But it's fine, I'm the one who picked him, I fell in love with him and I still love him.

"But it's pretty ! You would look stunning in this dress."

"I said no, Sunghoon, I'm not wearing this dress, I don't like. I'd rather wear something in my closet."

He put the dress down and sighed. He was sulking. At some point in our relationship it was fun and cute. How he would avoid eye contact, sigh when I'm talking at him or just straight up ignoring me. But seems like it wasn't now because...

"I'm sorry, Sunghoon. Look, I can tel you why I don't wanna wear it, huh ? I'm very grateful for the gift though."

Because it was just rude. It was making me sick, anxious, stressed. It was making me question myself. Should I have wear that dress, even if I hated it ? Was I too capricious ? And when I wanted to talk to him about my feelings, like the adults that we were, he was just giving me the silent treatment, disregarding my feelings.

"I'm sorry..."

Why was I sorry ? Because Sunghoon was like this ? Selfish, uncaring, a liar, disrespectful ? But it's fine, I'm the one who picked him, I fell in love with him and I still love him, do I ?

Masterlist | Requests ?

[sohmiya]

okayy, so I read your last answer to the hcs I sent you (which ofc I smiled and screamed at!!) at 3am, and then again at 7am—so bc I only read it mere hours ago, here's my insecure sidenote of: I hope you enjoy reading these and don't find my presence in your inbox annoying <3

now that's out the way, i have more hcs! but for your other pairings too bc i love them sm soo i have a feeling this will get really long asdfghjkl.

Miko x Evren

At every appropriate opportunity, I just see Ev casually pulling Miko to sit in his lap. Like, just takes her hand, pulls her towards him and she just falls into his lap. I imagine it happens so often, even when one of them are in mid-conversation, and it's just so normal to them that they never bat an eyelid.

Which brings me to them being this — x

Alsoo, I imagine the two of them going to this huge, renowned formal event together, and Ev's all dressed up in his suit and he's waiting for Miko to her finish and then she'd come out and say "so, how do I look?" and Evren would be genuinely starstruck (haha, our starstruck pairing <3), all his feelings and thinking 'omg, I can't believe you're my girlfriend'

So he'd wrap his arms around pull her to stand between his legs and go "you look breathtaking" and then he'd wait for a second before saying "you know, we can stay home. we don't have go, we can just stay here and chill" and I see Miko smiling and arching a brow like "we have to go, besides, would you say the same thing if we were going to a Grammy award show where you were nominated?" bc she'd know how much he wants to win one and Evren would look up at her with pretty hooded eyes, and he'd be feeling all soft and romantic and whisper "oh, Sanada" and then he'd kiss her hipbone and say, "i'd take you over a Grammy any day" — see in my head this is an event they have to go to, but if they didn't then Ev would definitely be on his fucking knees...happily.

Ooo, and I imagine Evren chilling with his parents one day and casually saying "Miko says she wants us to have what you two have and I agree" and it's just a really cute family moment bc I see Rosa and Javier looking at each other and smiling like 'we did such a good job with him and we're happy that he's happy'

Cy x Frankie

Crushing stage: I imagine Frankie getting into training early one morning and Cypress is there and he's sitting there with a Starbucks cup and calls out a "hey" to her and when she approaches he slides the cup across the table and it's matcha. and Frankie's all 😧 "you got me a drink?" and Cy just goes "Evren mentioned that you like them" and then he just walks off like it's the most normal thing in the world and like he wasn't overthinking that whole interaction.

Alsoo the first time Frankie takes Kenzo to nursery, I imagine him holding like three of her fingers bc his hand is so small and he's casually saying "and Cypri says he really likes you" "and Cypri says you're prettyyy" "and Cypri—" and then Kenzo gets distracted by a butterfly or something and then doesn't finish the rest of his sentence.

But alsoo Cy inviting Frankie over and they're casually talking and whatever, but she's been really tired bc of matches & practice and stuff, and she ends up falling asleep. I see Cy carrying her to his bedroom so she can sleep comfortably, and probably leaves one of his sweaters beside her so she can change if she wants to when she wakes up.

Sam x Milan

I see Sam asking Milan something like "so what did you wish for at 11:11? it can't be tennis related!" and he thinks about it for a second, debates whether to tell her and just goes "that's easy, I wished for you. for us. what else would I wish for?"

But alsoo like the two of them sending each other good luck messages before their matches <3

Bc Milan likes photography, I always think that he'd have a separate insta account with the username @/filmbymilan and it's a whole load of pictures, but there's a whole highlight story section just full of pictures of Sam.

I also see them still being best friends whilst in a relationship so stuff like this — x

And alsoo those hugs at the airport when they're waiting for each other. Milan's arms around Sam, the spinny hugs, the muttering into the crook of your neck like "I missed you, did you miss me?" "ew, definitely not (affectionate)" <3

Lizzy x Léa

It's canon that Lea gets flustered by a hand on the thigh and I imagine Lizzy not knowing and just puts her hand there at some point and Léa just goes '...asdfghjjkl 🤯' and can't speak for a few seconds and then Lizzy would be all smiley and go "hey, you okay?" and Léa's just chokes out "yeah, yep, yes...fine" which is odd bc she never really gets flustered.

Bc Léa loves baking I imagine her going "Liz, I made cake! wanna try some?" and I imagine Lizzy finding it really cute bc Léa's only other obsession is football so baking's a sweet difference.

Léa also has a younger twin brother called Leandro, I see him getting on with Lizzy just bc Leo's a bit like sunshine and when they meet for the first time I imagine Leo being all "so my sister finally admitted she had feelings for you, about fucking time. she was so nervous for her first date with you" which Léa counters and the two of them probably have a mini argument lol

I always see Léa being super professional when it comes to training, but when with Lizzy, when they're away from others, she's confident and sweet. so when they're back home, as soon as they walk through the door Léa would be like "you played really well today, and you looked beautiful, and I've been thinking about kissing you all day" and she'd say it all in a really quick breath bc half the time she's still shocked that Lizzy's her girlfriend.

STOP I ENJOY THESE SO MUCH YOU NEVER ANNOY ME!!!!!!

the way that first hc instantly gave my butterflies 😩😩😩 no cause i can imagine it in my head so clearly like miko is rambling about something and like mid-ramble, evren momentarily interrupts her to mumble “come here” or he stretches out a hand to signal her to come closer and miko just keeps talking while getting cozy on his lap then she pauses for a bit to make sure her position isn’t killing his legs like “this okay?” and evren just nods then miko continues her rambling shzjjssjsjs they’re so cute UGH AND THAT PIN!!!!! let me save that to their section rq 🏃🏻‍♀️

"oh, Sanada" and then he'd kiss her hipbone and say, "i'd take you over a Grammy any day"

UNGHHH he just knows the words to say 🫦 no because depending on how persuasive evren could be, miko wouldn’t mind being “fashionably” late……. 🫣 DJDSNFBSJSJ

no but yeah i totally headcanon them having at least one event they were late to and they were so focused on fixing their appearance afterwards that miko didn’t realize she forgot to put concealer over a hickey on her neck until she caught someone (i wanna hc this is cy DJSJJS) giving her a displeased look and miko was like “yes?” and they subtly point to their neck then miko went 😳 and abruptly stood from her seat to go to the restroom. minutes later, evren texted her “what’s wrong? do u need anything” and she replied “I SAID NO MARKS” “oh shit sorry. who saw?” “CYPRESS” “LMAO💀”

"Miko says she wants us to have what you two have and I agree"

my heart swells every time i remember how open and trusting evren is to his parents that he literally says things like this to them i love him so much 😭😭😭😭

also OMG💡 imagine evren inviting miko over to have dinner with rosa and javier and miko’s like “are you sure?” “yeah my mom actually asked me to ask you” and like how can she say no to the number one acevedo in her heart 😩 and like everything went well, the dinner was amazing, rosalie was welcoming to miko as always and in miko’s head, dad!javier >>>> manager!javier shsjakdks then later into the night, evren and miko are in the living room just talking about whatever not paying attention to whatever’s on tv, completely oblivious to rosa and javier watching them in adoration and talking about how “they remind me of us when we were younger” 😭😭😭😭💘💘💘💘💘💘 UGHHHHHHH I NEED THEM TO GET BACK TOGETHER

-

Frankie's all 😧 "you got me a drink?" and Cy just goes "Evren mentioned that you like them" and then he just walks off like it's the most normal thing in the world and like he wasn't overthinking that whole interaction.

THE WAY THIS MADE ME LAUGHFHSHSSJJS CYPRESS IS SO ANNOYING frankie would be sat there just thinking “??????? what just happened” 😭😭😭😭😭😭 but when she recovers from the confusion you bet your ass she’s smiling to herself <333 unfortunately for cypress, frankie’s bestie evren WILL hear about it >:)

frankie would also want to return the favor but instead of offering to pay for his drink next time like a normal person, she would obviously try to please her crush idol like “i found a filipino restaurant not far from here, do you wanna check it out with me?” then she’d realize it probably sounded like she was asking cy out so she’d add “you know… as a thank you for the drink” 🤭

"and Cypri says he really likes you" "and Cypri says you're prettyyy" "and Cypri—" and then Kenzo gets distracted by a butterfly or something and then doesn't finish the rest of his sentence.

kenzo having the attention span of a puppy 🥹🥹🥹 but also frankie would be like “what did cypri say….. 👀” HDJSKSKS she would bring it up to cypress like “kenzo said you really like me” and cypress just cracks a smile because he already expected his brother to be a blabbermouth then he says “you already know that” “he also said you think i’m pretty” “i do” “what else? 👀” “you’re just fishing for compliments now” and frankie dramatically raises a hand to her ear “and i’m still not hearing any” sdjsjdjsjsk peak babygirl bf silly little guy gf

Cy carrying her to his bedroom so she can sleep comfortably, and probably leaves one of his sweaters beside her so she can change if she wants to when she wakes up.

SIGHHHHHHH i read “cy carrying her to his bedroom” and let out a sob because that should be me 💔💔💔 but imagine him tucking frankie in bed then giving her a kiss on her head then whispering “sweet dreams” 😩😩😩😩😩😩😩 however, leaving his sweater for her to wear was a huge mistake. he’s never getting it back 😼 sjfjsjsk but yeah they do have similar fashion sense so i’ve always hc’d frankie stealing from his closet <3

also slightly unrelated but also related to sleeping frankie. i hc cypress wanting to surprise her at least once with breakfast in bed but he never could because frankie isn’t a deep sleeper. like shortly after cy gets out of bed, she reaches over to his side trying to search for him. then she gets up and finds him in the kitchen and goes “what are you doing?” and cy just sighs “i was gonna surprise you with breakfast” “you should’ve said so” “then it wouldn’t be a surprise” “i can act surprised” then her goofy ass fakes a gasp, “see?” djfjskdksksk but when she’s really tired after consecutive days of intense training, she tends to sleep in on off days and when cy wakes up a bit too early, he stays in bed for a few more hours just so he doesn’t wake her up and she can get more sleep <3

-

"that's easy, I wished for you. for us. what else would I wish for?"

OUGHJH HES SO CUTE <3333 sam’s nosy ass would be like “okay that’s cute. now tell me what you really wished for” then i just know in my heart milan would pull a whole “if i tell you then it won’t come true” then sam would just roll her eyes and grumble “fine” but internally she’s blushing shfjskdsk

AND YES i hc them sending each other good luck texts too!!! especially if milan’s playing against dj*k*vic a player that sam absolutely hates, she texts him “good luck!!!! BEAT HIS ASS” lmaoo and sometimes she sends him selfies in his merch or something (i like to hc that a huge sports brand sponsors him hehehe)

there's a whole highlight story section just full of pictures of Sam

😭😭😭😭😭 sam would 100% buy one of those instax printers to print some of the pictures in the highlight to put in her phone case then another in her wallet then keeping the rest in a mini album or taped on a journal which she takes with her wherever especially when it’s like tournament season or something and they can’t be physically together <33 if she ever does one of those “what’s in your bag?” videos, the mini album is definitely one of the things in her bag and i can imagine her getting sidetracked for a bit and going on a tangent about milan sjdhsjdsh

and omg i can totally see them taking pictures on security cameras or convex mirrors in convenience stores <3

AND THE AIRPORT HUGS 😭😭😭😭😭 i can imagine milan dropping his bags to catch sam and after a while he’s still not letting go and sam’s laughing like “people are staring” and he just goes “they’re just jealous” ughhhhh they make me sick!!!!!!!!!!!! 😩😩💘💘💘💘

-

HELPPPP THE THIGH TOUCH SHAHWJAJW the way lizzy would react the exact same way if it were the other way around. i love how in the crushing stage half the things they do is just panic around each other 😭😭😭😭😭

ALSO lea and lizzy baking and being domestic <3333 and because they’re two idiots who always get each other flustered i can imagine in the crushing stage one of them licks the batter off their finger and the other person goes 😳 DHDJSJSJS in the relationship stage i just know they’re that couple who make out while waiting for the cake to finish baking 🤭🥰🥰

"so my sister finally admitted she had feelings for you, about fucking time. she was so nervous for her first date with you"

in my head lea is suuuuper smooth that lizzy literally had no clue she was nervous on their first date and as soon as leandro exposes his sister, lizzy looks at lea like “oh??? 😏” as if lea won’t easily fluster her back in a matter of seconds LMAO

"you played really well today, and you looked beautiful, and I've been thinking about kissing you all day"

lea………. 🧎🏻‍♀️ you can bet they’re kissing right after that LMAOOO

if they haven’t made out in the locker room before, lizzy’s changing that asap. like after training, she takes her time gathering her things and getting ready to leave on purpose knowing lea’s waiting for her. as soon as everybody’s gone, lea’s like “are you ready to g-” then lizzy’s kissing her <3

[delicatelymentallyunhealthy]

A couple weeks into highschool

September 16,2023,5:50 pm

It’s been about a week since I broke up with my gf and I’ve already started seeing a person. I always thought I was lesbian but he makes me question my sexuality. Yesterday at school during gaming club he took me to an area in the library and made me sit on his lap while he started to finger me..I was like ‘OMG!! Is this really happening!?’. He makes me so fucking wet..today while my mom and sister went out we went on a call and masturbated together..it was so fucking hot..we planned to meet up in the unisex bathrooms at anime club and we would do more..he said he would eat me out and finger me again..and then he wanted me to give him a bj..I am so excited and so nervous. I spend most of my time reading BL mangas, and fan-fictions so I’ve picked up on some techniques..so I hope I am able to please him!! This is my first time ever doing this with someone,  let alone a man. The closest I’ve done to sexual stuff is grinding and that was with another girl..I’m only 13,I have no idea how I’m supposed to think straight!? Everything he does just turns me on so much..but I’m so insecure about my body idk if I will be able to do it..I don’t even know if I will be able to make him feel good!! I just want Wednesday to happen so we can finally do it together. I know it’s wrong to do these things at such young ages but..he’s just too irresistible..I used to be so disgusted when thinking about having sex with a man but..he might be changing my mind..

September 17,2023,5:30 pm

Hey I didn’t have the energy to talk here in the morning but I have some news. Today I woke up and instantly started talking to my new boyfriend,Gabe and I made our picture my wallpaper!! But a couple days ago I accidentally sent a horny text abt how I was wet to my groupchat and now I’m being blackmailed..I was able to bribe him with money but idk how much money I will get when my mom pays me. Maybe I can talk to someone like a teacher or guard but yeah. This morning my mom also called me for wedding try on’s and I literally THREW UP!! But the whole story is that I started getting light headed and she didn’t believe me when I told her,then I told her that I was about to throw up and she grabbed me by my neck and forced me to sit down. 2 seconds later she made me get up,I was still light headed and about to throw up but she finally started taking it off. Once it was taken off I couldn’t hold it in any longer and I ran to the bathroom and vomited. Most of it got into the toilet but some got on the seat and walls and my mom had to clean it up. My boyfriend had some sort of memorial thingy going on so he had to go away and I still haven’t heard back from him..I made some ✨spicy✨ videos for him so maybe I can show it to him when he gets back. On a good note I actually got accepted into the musical “zombie prom” and I play the mother,secretary,and someone named Ramona. I really hope I can play these parts well and I’m already a sort of mother figure to some. I have ALSO managed to create my own harem. Almost EVERY boy in my school has some sort of crush on me. This is sorta my first time being the popular girl and not the try hard so this is a new territory for me.

[boyenthusiast]

okay master post of all the Guys in my life that i post about kinda often. both cause it can be confusing and also i like talking about these guys

vinyl guy- his real name is matthew and we met through a post i put on my college's snapchat story about how im selling my vinyl collection. he's from my hometown (went to my rival high school!) and he's buying two of my beatles vinyls on saturday morning and when i researched the history of these albums and my specific vinyls, i told him about it and he seemed excited :)

micro econ guy- he's also in my science and critical thinking class, but i didn't realize until later cause they're both huge classes. his real name is pierce and he's tall with the like middle part longish hair that's popular now. he has nails painted light blue and he sits next to me in micro econ but across the room in science and critical thinking. painted nails on a guy who's a business major is like. unheard of. and thats why i first noticed him. i do not know how to talk to him lmao.

ive referred to him as "brba j guy" cause there used to be two breaking bad guys but the other one is just kinda meh to me actually- the first breaking bad guy, k guy, is named kaden, and j guy is named john. he went to my high school and we had english class together senior year (thats when i first met him) and also last semester (we go to the same college). he plays keyboard in a band and has good tastes in music and fashion. he also has cool longish hair and always has v cool outfits.

sam- he's not really a Guy, he's my most recent ex. i'm over him but there are aspects of our relationship that still affect me and he's the reason behind like 11 of the poems i wrote in late november if that gives you any idea. a few days ago i sent him a "i dont think i want to be friends again or even talk with you because of these reasons" text but he has yet to read or respond to it (i know because snapchat has read receipts). i dont really have negative feelings toward him, but i just dont want him in my life anymore because personal and complicated reasons

ethan- again, not really a Guy, but they're my second-to-last ex and the partner i was with the longest (2 1/2 years). they broke up with me the last week of august and both the breakup and relationship obviously affected me a whole lot. while i have no negative feelings toward them, i havent talked to them since early october and we dont want to be in each other's lives.

matthew, pierce, and john are all maybe potential crushes?? idk i'd have to hang out with them one-on-one before i can tell for sure. however, idk how i'd get with any of them. matthew has a girlfriend, i dont know if pierce is gay (but he has painted nails 👀), and john is pan but i'm not sure if i like him just yet. like 95% of my journal (that i started in late december) has been about these guys. also i've referred to them as ___ guy in the past because i didn't know id post about them as much as i have also to protect their privacy, but tbh you cant tell much from a first name so

[piastrinorris]

I know one of the prompts is "your irl/tumblr crush" meaning us, the askers, but do YOU have a crush? IRL or otherwise?

i have two! they're in my url hahahahaha

(all joking aside, i do have one 'crush' but that word sounds silly considering i am a whole 29 years old. and since i don't think there is anybody here that could get this back to them, and also i'm bored as all hell, i guess there's no harm in telling you)

we met, would you believe, in a fucking twitch chat. imagine if it all ever went anywhere and someone asks how we met. it was the chat of a streamer i mod for, and he came in and was just. immediately fun to chat to from the get-go. when i modded for this person, i loved being the person to keep chat going, and even though he was a new chatter, he was engaging with everyone as if he'd been there for months. my favourite kind.

then he joined the streamer's discord server and there's a card game bot that we play in there that he started playing, too. here's where we come to the ultimate barrier between me and him, friends: he's fucking australian. but that means that there was always a sweet spot when all the americans were asleep and i was working day shifts at the time, so it used to just be me and him every morning, dropping cards in the game and nabbing all the good ones. sometimes we'd just start talking a little bit, too, since there weren't other people to drop cards and push the conversation away.

after a while, enough people in the server, myself included, had said that we'd never played dnd before and couldn't find any campaigns near us. he said he's been a forever dm for years and that he could easily drum up a oneshot for us to play. that was when i saw his face for the first time. before then, i was thinking i might be catching feelings but also he'd never posted a selfie so i just thought i was so attention starved that i was caving at someone simply just being nice to me, lol. but he was right there and he was so cute. and his accent was so. yeah <3

anyway. i told a select few friends who were also in the server that i fancied him and they encouraged me to slide into his dms. i sent him a meme, we had a little conversation, it dwindled. i felt like i'd failed, they told me it looked like it went well. i tried again, same thing happened. i told myself to wait it out, if he never dms me again, that't that i guess. he sent me a meme about bloodborne being an england simulator. and we haven't stopped talking after that. from the moment one of us wakes up to when the other one falls asleep.

my friends later encouraged me to invite him to a movie night "date" which he agreed to, except it was right after some of my first night shifts, we didn't finish the movie since conversation kept derailing (a common theme) and the call lasted for 10 hours. i'd been up for 26 hours by the time the call ended, and also it was 4am for him when it did.

he is a very very good friend to me. he's always encouraging me to vent to him if i need it, he remembers tiny little things that i've said months ago, he constantly tells me to move out/leave my job lol. and he sends me pictures of his cats because he knows they always make me happy. also when my friend wanted a specific bluey toy that was exclusive to australia and sold out in every online store, he went round and looked in stores himself. he's a good egg.

[ruminate88]

When It’s Not Enough:

I’ve shared before how I grew up in a Christian home where “love” was the main topic. My parents both served in our church and did a LOT for people. It’s all I saw as a child but i misunderstood and misinterpreted it all. It made me into not just a people pleaser but someone who literally lets everyone into their circle and lets everyone mistreat me. 🥺💔

When I met Cody, oh everything he told me about himself was soooooo sad. I was already down on myself and had low self esteem plus had just written a suicide note. Cody seemed to somehow understand me better than anyone else. He talked me off the ledge and we bonded so deep. He called me “his queen” so obviously I think Cody can care about me and because I believe in “the power of love”, I think the lie that I can actually help Cody!!! I found out though that I can’t.

I didn’t learn my lesson and less than 6 months after Cody ghosted me, I met Andrew. Andrew was loveboming me day one. I barely knew his first name and he’s proposing to me daily for weeks… 🥴🤪 hah it was so uncomfortable and crazy but he was flirting sooooo hard with me and making me feel somewhat special. I wasn’t even sure if I was attracted to Andrew. He lived on a farm with like 500 cows and that made me freaked out becuase I’m a suburban girl. I’m not an outdoorsy/animal lover. Whenever Andrew and I faced timed for the 1st time though, wow….. oh wow…. His eyes were sparkling and we didn’t have everything in common but there was all this chemistry to the point I wanted to jump through the phone. I never crushed so bad on anyone in my life…. lol

Andrew was breadcrumbing though. 😝😝😝 he wasn’t asking me out and had long stopped proposing to me. It was weird. So much fog and confusion. A whole summer we “flirted” and he would Snapchat me selfies but call me cutie and act shy. If I sent him selfies back, he would act all red in his face and treat me like “oh gosh” type behavior different from when I 1st met him. I should’ve known something was off but I just didn’t understand it. At the end of summer, he starts his sophomore year of college and still hasn’t asked me out. I’m frustrated and so I ask him out instead!!! He says YES that he was “shy” and waiting on me to say something…. Weird. He wasn’t shy when we 1st met. 🤨 or even when we FaceTimed, he was so flirting hardcore and saying to me, “oh you’re really cute” ugggggggh but now we’re “in this relationship” but it didn’t really feel different.

ok fast forward to Christmas Day and he had me in isolation alllllllll day until late at night. It’s like 10/11 when he FINALLY text me “merry Christmas babe” like… where you been all day????? He defends himself and says he was with his family all day but I told him I was sad he didn’t message me good morning cuz he normally did on any other regular day (he always made a holiday sad for me)

but Christmas night, is when he started saying to me, “why are you with me when you can do so much better than me….” 😟 And said “I’m not worthy of your love”. Ugh. I thought for sure he was breaking up with me and he had me crying all upset 😠 he can’t handle when I’m upset, it makes him freak out. My feelings terrify him every time so he flipped out and asked me not to cry that he wasn’t breaking up, just that he didn’t understand what I saw in him and thought I deserved better… why couldn’t he just treat me better???? But he can’t… cuz he is who he is.

after Christmas, when new years came, wow… Andrew was yet a different person again. He’s soooo cute and all over me. Was like Christmas never happened and now Andrew love bombs me the whole month of January. He was snap chatting me 24/7 and just being soooooo romantic constantly sending me selfies of himself giving me a kissy face and winking at me, saying he wishes I was beside him, how much he cares about me and wants me. I felt beyond close to him and totally blew Christmas off. Didn’t even know what it all meant. I was confused though. Of course when Valentine’s Day came though, once again, he’s weird. Acting all funny with me and distant. I tried to make that day romantic and special but I realized there was something “off”. It sucked so much. I tried to ignore it and be normal with him. I gave it my best!

When Andrew started to pull away from me, I grappled on to him. I begged him to love me back and stay with me. I worked so hard to please him and was on egg shells worried about everything I say to him and would take forever just to send him a selfie becuase it had to “perfect” for him. I worried about being beautiful enough for him because he would always say the words “wow you look so good” BUT the way he acted so funny and distant outside of that, concerned me. I KNEW there were other girls involved but I didn’t wanna fully accept it cuz it sucked how I loved him…

I eventually learned that nothing I did or said could change the outcome. I started to get so nervous and depressed because the heartbreak was coming fast. Especially when his final exams came, he was A MONSTER! Daily texting me in all caps yelling at me how hard exams are, how much “studying” he has to do and how “I’m making it worse on him”. 😭😭 I would say to him “I’m trying to help! I am sorry you’re so stressed you know I would take it away if I could” but that didn’t stop him from still being a jerk to me. Yet he wouldn’t break up with me and he would always say he wanted me there but scream how much stress he had too. I couidnt make the situation better. I just couldn’t be enough. 💔

See, sometimes certain people are so insecure and in the dark, they need so much love like it’s unreal how dark it is for them and how much they need. You just can’t give them enough. I was making myself miserable trying to be everything Andrew needed. 24/7 I was a wreck over him. Pouring out my undying love and commitment to him when he has all these other girls he’s texting, yet he’s making me feel responsible for his school exams and acting like it’s my fault if he fails…. Truthfully, he was just feeling unworthy in general and projecting that onto me becuase I was an easy person to dump stress on. I carried his stress and tried to be his rescue and advocate. I only looked at him and thought I was soooo in love with him. I wanted to be his wife so bad. I dreamt nightly of what our baby was going to look like and I had the name picked out. I was just not in realty at all. I just didn’t know or understand emotional abuse. Had no idea I was on egg shells but knew I was a mess over him.

I didn’t realize until years later that he needs more love than I could ever give him and he’s controlling because there’s obvious issues that I can’t fix or help. It’s his problem and I hope he gets better ❤️‍🩹🙏🏻 I want the best for him even though he hurt me so much over and over. The constant screaming through text how I’m making it all worse… 😭😭 Dude, I was giving you everything I had. I would’ve given him more if I had it. I truly wanted him to succeed and to have his dreams. He can’t deny that but he tried to downplay all of it. Brush it all under the rug and pretend it was nothing. So sad… Andrew, you don’t owe me anything but you truly made me feel like scum on your shoe. Not sure if you intentionally did that or not but it happened and we can’t change it. I’m daily working through it all so I can finally get over you. It’s been so hard to let it all go 🥺❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

[straycatboogie]

2023/06/25 English

BGM: コトリンゴ - 悲しくてやりきれない

It was a day off today. After finished reading Karen Cheung's "The Impossible City", I uploaded a short review and a pic of it on Instagram (I believe that this book would be in "one of the best books in the first half of 2023", or just "the best books in the whole 2023"). I brought it to the library to return, and found an interesting book "Trop intelligent pour être heureux?" by Jeanne Siaud-Facchin. It seems that the translation of that content is not natural so a little bit difficult to read. But it would follow one of the fields I am interested in so I decided to borrow that. By the way, once I had been checked my IQ by WAIS-III, I was told that it could be 121. I heard that the meaning/definition of the IQ of gifted is more than 130. In short, I am not a gifted person... But even though it could be, I guess this difficulties I have been feeling would come from that characteristic of mine. I want to learn from that book modestly... How would it work?

A Discord user from America had asked me that "Does the Japanese learn about MXY-7 in schools?". TBH I had never heard that MXY-7 so googled it, and found that it was related with "Zerosen" in the WW2 (or The Pacific War). I answered him like this. "We Japanese tend to learn the history from our ancient time in schools. Therefore we have to learn that war at the end of the semester. At that time we don't have enough time to learn steadily... But instead of that, some of Japanese marvelous anime, manga artists and authors express their great works about that war. Have you ever heard the anime 'In This Corner of the World'?". Then he watched that "In This Corner of the World", and sent me that he was really impressed by that. It "provoked" him a lot of ideas... I see. It could be a tiny, "So what?" story. But I want to write this "fruit" of the international communication/friendship. I also thought that I want to see Suzu-san in that movie at Kure, the city she has lived. I would like to watch it again on Netflix.

After enjoying a nap, I went to AEON. There, I tried to complete writing the handout of homework to the English conversation class. But I couldn't. So I thought I have enough time to wait for the good idea coming. I tried to read the book I borrowed this morning, "Trop intelligent pour être heureux?" with one of my favorite albums "Voyager" by Momus. After that, I even tried to read Yukio Mishima's "Confession of a Mask". Yukio Mishima's that masterpiece is a kind of "spiritual source" for me to try to write my memoir. Suddenly, I thought that "Oh my gosh, I am just an old dude and now living in the middle of my midlife. What chapter am I living in my life story?". Now is the 2020sm but I am living in virtual 1990s like enjoying the "endless adolescence". I listen to Blur, Beastie Boys, and Oasis. I read Haruki Murakami and Paul Auster... I can't see if it would have any value to write my memoir. It is really enigmatic. But I don't want to spend my days without nothing till I die. I want to write about my "Young, Alive, In Love" story.

This evening I attended to an online meeting on ZOOM. There, watching an American sitcom "The Cosby Show" without any subtitles, we tried to talk about what the characters were talking. What was going on in this great home drama? And suddenly, the host asked us "How would you do if you feel great sadness?". We talked about that a lot, too. When I am sad... Once I bought a lot of cans of beer, and drank them completely till I fell asleep. In a way, it could mean that I had tried to press the reset button of my brain. But, as you know because you are using your laptop, desktop, or smartphones, that might "crush" myself exactly. So now I try to think like this. "I have to let myself flow in time. Time will cure my mind/soul". I say this to myself, and would watch some great classic movies. Comedies, or depressive movies... Yasujiro Ozu's masterpieces, or the movie "In This Corner of the World" also will cure my spirit too. I wished I could talk about this kind of instant lifehacks with the Russian friend, Victoria (She is from Russia... then I want to talk about the movies by Tarkovsky even if this idea is too "readymade").

[readerinsertsaremyguiltypleasure]

An ill-advised date

Pairing: Billy Russo x Female Reader

Rating: Teen and Up

Summary: You are Billy’s assistant at Anvil, and of course you have a massive crush on him. Who wouldn’t? But you know nothing can ever come of it, so you decide to give online dating a go. But not everyone thinks it is a good idea, and it turns out they may be right.

Author’s note: I have absolutely nothing against online dating, and the guy’s actions in this fic are there purely for plot purposes. In saying that, the reader’s precautions are definitely justified. Stay safe, people.

Warnings: Non consensual drug use; Attempted date rape; Brief mention of violence/gore.

———————————————————

‘What’s his name again?’ asked Sophie. She didn’t seem to have a problem holding a conversation and doing crunches at the same time. You were 100% certain that you would be barely able to breathe if you were to do her workout, let alone talk.

But that was why you were the CEO’s assistant at Anvil, and not one of the soldiers.

‘Keith,’ you told her. Again. ‘We haven’t exchanged last names yet.’

A noise of disapproval came from your left and you turned to give Trucker a look. Being the only person at Anvil without a military background apparently meant you were to be treated like a kid sister, even by the people who were younger than you.

‘I’ll be fine,’ you said, for what felt like the hundredth time that day. ‘It’s just a date.’

‘With a guy you know nothing about,’ said Miles from where he was doing push-ups on the other side of Sophie. You didn’t normally interrupt the morning workout routine like this, but you had originally come down to inform them of changes to an upcoming mission. Somehow that had turned into a conversation about your upcoming date that the whole building seemed to know about.

‘Yes, well, that is the point of dates, isn’t it?’ you said. ‘To get to know the other person.’

Miles made a grunt that was probably more due to annoyance than exhaustion. You smiled at the small victory.

‘I don’t know why you’re doing this online, anyway,’ said Trucker, earning a few murmurs of agreement from the soldiers around him.

‘Well, it’s either that or be stuck with one of your ugly mugs,’ you joked.

Trucker put a hand over his heart and gasped dramatically. ‘You wound me.’

You chuckled, happy that the mood had shifted from interrogating to teasing. ‘Sorry, Truck. You know you’re the prettiest girl at the prom.’ You pinched his cheek for good measure.

He batted your hand away, but he was smiling. ‘Not quite,’ he said, glancing upwards.

You followed his gaze to the windows above the training area to see your boss glaring down at you. Normally you would put his annoyed look down to you taking ten minutes to deliver a relatively simple message, but he had been in a mood for days now. And no matter how many times you tried to offer support or even ask what was wrong, he blocked you out or sent you away to do pointless tasks.

Even with the scowl, however, Trucker was right. Billy Russo certainly was the prettiest man at Anvil. Hell, he was probably the prettiest man in the whole of New York. Not that you would ever say that out loud, though. Even if he wanted that sort of compliment from you, you knew how much he hated the word.

You waved up at him, but he just moved away from the window. You slowly lowered your hand, dejected.

Truth be told, Billy was the whole reason you had decided to actively try dating again. Having a crush on your boss was the highest of clichés, and you really needed to get over him. It wasn’t like you ever had a chance with him anyway. You had seen the type of women Billy “dated”, and you weren’t it.

‘He’s still in a snit, huh?’ said Sophie, getting up and stretching.

You nodded and forced yourself to look away from the window. ‘I’d better get back to work before he finds something else to be annoyed about.’ You let out a huff of frustration. ‘It would be so much easier if he just told us what was up with him.’

You missed the knowing look the soldiers gave each other as you walked away.

----

The day seemed to both drag on and take no time at all, and by the time 5 o’clock approached, the nerves had begun to get to you. What if Keith didn’t show? Or worse, what if he was a repeat of the last time you had tried online dating? It had been over a year ago now, but you didn’t think you could handle another guy taking one look at you and deciding you weren’t worth the effort. You weren’t exactly unattractive, but apparently being barely five foot was a deal breaker for some men.

It had taken a lot of wine and ice cream and some reassurances from Billy for you to get over that one.

You glanced towards Billy’s office. You could sure use some of those reassurances now, but his mood had not improved throughout the day. If anything, it had gotten worse.

With one more glance at the clock, you decided that you could probably start packing your stuff up early. All your tasks were done for the day, and there was no point starting something new with only five minutes to go.

After you were all packed up and ready to go, you tapped on Billy’s office door to tell him you were leaving. It had become a routine for the two of you. You would tell him to enjoy his night, he would give you a smug smile and assure you that he would, you would roll your eyes and he would laugh, and then he’d insist he walk you to your car. Sometimes you would even let him.

‘I’m off, boss,’ you said from the open doorway. He made a sound that may have been a “bye”, but he didn’t look up from the report he was reading.

You decided you had had enough of this.

‘Come on, Billy, just tell me what’s wrong,’ you said, exasperated. Right now, you weren’t his employee, you were his friend. ‘Something’s been bothering you these past few days and I know it’s not work. So, what is it?’

‘I don’t know what you mean’ said Billy, finally looking up from his desk. He gave you a smile that was obviously forced. ‘Enjoy your date.’ The last word was said with just a little too much condescension, and you raised your brow at him.

‘Don’t tell me you have a problem with online dating, too,’ you said, keeping your tone light and teasing despite your uncertainty. Why was everyone so against you trying to meet someone?

Billy sat back in his chair. ‘Hey, if you want to risk it, that’s your decision. I just thought that the woman I hired was smarter than that.’

Your smile fell in an instant. He had been difficult to work with these past few days, sure, but he hadn’t gone as far as to insult people. When it came down to it, Anvil was a family – a brotherhood that defied gender, race, and background – and you all treated each other with respect.

Respected was definitely not what you felt at that moment.

You crossed your arms and looked away, wanting him to see your displeasure but not your hurt. ‘It’s just a simple date,’ you said, defensive. ‘It’s not like I’m going home with the guy. And I have set up all the necessary precautions. I’m meeting him in a public place, several heavily armed people know exactly where I’m going and what time I’ll be there, and if I don’t send them a text message by a certain time, they’ll come looking. Smart enough for you?’

‘Smart would be not trusting someone you haven’t even met. People use these sites all the time to pray on vulnerable women. Use fake names, fake photos.’

‘Well, if his face doesn’t match his photo, I’ll leave straight away,’ you snapped, not liking being classified as “vulnerable”, even if it wasn’t too far from the truth.

Now more annoyed than upset, you turned your head back to face him. ‘It’s no different from when a woman meets you at a bar and goes home with you.’

Billy sat up straighter at that, eyes narrowed. ‘I thought you weren’t going home with him.’

‘I’m not, I’m just saying…’ You let out a sigh of frustration. Maybe a change in tactic was in order. ‘With all due respect, Mr Russo,’ you said in your best “assistant” voice, ‘my private life is none of your concern.’

Billy raised an eyebrow. ‘So, it’s Mr Russo now, is it? Fine. In that case, don’t come crying to me when he leaves before you can even say a word.’

You flinched at the reminder of your last date, and for a moment you thought you saw regret on Billy’s face, but it was gone in an instant.

If it was even there at all.

‘I won’t,’ you promised before turning on your heel and all but fleeing from the office. You hoped Keith was a good conversationalist, because you had a feeling that he would be the one carrying this date.

----

It turned out that Keith was a good conversationalist. And he wasn’t even put off by your miserable mood, accepting your “bad day at the office” excuse at face value and making it his mission to cheer you up.

He succeeded somewhat. He was good company, but you just couldn’t seem to fully shake the argument you had had with Billy. The two of you very rarely butted heads, so when you did, you always felt it all the more.

At least the bar had good alcohol, and you made liberal use of the happy hour specials.

In retrospect, that was a mistake. You let your guard down, got drawn into Keith’s friendly personality… and missed it when he slipped something into your drink.

----

Billy glared at the punching bag in front of him as he gave it another couple of jabs. He wasn’t sure who he was picturing punching more, your date or himself.

The moment you left his office replayed in his mind again. Yeah, it was definitely himself he wanted to punch more.

Why had he said those things? He knew you were smart and capable and a million other great things, and he had known of your safety plan long before you had told him of it. And he also knew that the majority of people using online dating were safe and just looking to find love.

He took another two swings at the punching bag, harder than before.

Because that’s what really scared him, wasn’t it? That you would meet someone and fall in love.

Billy had long lost track of how long he had been in love with you. It started with just a desire to sleep with you – a desire he resisted, knowing that fucking his assistant would be a bad idea – but then he got to know you. He got to know about your kindness and your compassion. He got to know about your intelligence and your sharp wit. He got to know about your unhealthy obsession with puns and your favourite tv shows. He got to know about your loneliness and your insecurities…

Fuck, why did he have to mention your last attempt at dating? He had seen first-hand how much that night had set your confidence back; why did he have to throw it in your face like he did?

He knew it would be a very long time before he forgot the hurt look in your eyes.

His knuckles were starting to hurt from punching the bag so hard, but he didn’t care. Physical pain had always been easier to deal with.

Voices from the hallway caught his attention and he stopped his punching, listening carefully. Everyone else had gone home hours ago; Billy should have been the only one in the building. As the voices got closer, however, he relaxed, recognising them as belonging to Sophie and Trucker.

But what were they doing back at Anvil at 9.30 at night?

Billy silently made his way across the training area and edged the door open. Sophie and Trucker were heading towards the exit, clearly having just come from the armoury.

‘Just remember,’ Sophie was saying, ‘this is still just a recon mission. Everything could be fine.’

Trucker grumbled something that sounded like a disagreement but Billy spoke over him. ‘I don’t remember authorising any missions,’ he called out, making them stop in their tracks.

‘It’s not a job, boss,’ said Trucker, quick to explain. He was obviously anxious to get to wherever they were headed.

That did not fill Billy with confidence, and he was just about to ask for more details when Sophie spoke up.

‘It’s Y/N.’

Ice cold fear gripped Billy in an instant.

‘What about her? What happened?’

‘She was supposed to text us 10 minutes ago, and she’s not answering her phone. We tracked it using the app she set up, and it’s not at the bar anymore, it’s at an apartment building. Maybe the date just went really well, but it’s not like her to forget to text us, so we are going over there. Just in case.’

Billy’s fear increased with every word Sophie said. She was right; it wasn’t like you at all, and you had been very adamant that you had no intention of going home with your date.

A tiny voice in the back of his mind reminded him that that had been before he had lashed out and hurt your feelings, but Billy ignored it. He marched over to where the two soldiers were hovering at the door. Trucker already had a gun held out by the time he reached them and Billy took it with a nod of gratitude.

‘I’m driving,’ was all he said as he led the way out of the building.

----

On the way to the apartment building, Billy had used his contacts and had bribed his way into getting the list of tenants. There was only one named Keith – apartment 12C - and Billy was grateful that he wouldn’t have to storm the whole building to find you.

‘We still don’t know for sure what the situation is,’ Sophie reminded him as they strode down the hallway looking for the right apartment number. ‘Everything could be fine, so let’s not get carried away and embarrass her.’ Her voice of reason was something Billy had always admired, but right now it was just pissing him off. He didn’t know if something was wrong, but he could feel it.

Nevertheless, when they reached apartment 12C, Billy reined himself in and settled for knocking on the door instead of kicking it down like he really wanted to. After half a minute went by without any sign of anyone answering, he knocked again, much harder.

This time he heard movement from inside the apartment, and a few seconds later, a man answered the door. He looked a bit different with his shirt open and a scowl on his face, but Trucker had shown Billy a picture from Keith’s dating profile, and it was definitely the same guy.

‘Can I help you?’ asked Keith, clearly annoyed.

‘We’re friends of Y/N,’ said Trucker, cutting over what was going to be a decidedly less polite and more direct comment from Billy. ‘She here?’

Keith’s eyes widened in fear for a fraction of a second, but he quickly schooled his features. ‘I think you’ve got the wrong apartment,’ he said, almost convincingly. ‘I don’t know who that- Hey!’

Billy ignored Keith’s shout of protest as he pushed past him and into the apartment. He called your name, eyes roaming over the room, looking for signs of trouble. He didn’t find any, but that did not reassure him. He knew you were here – or at least your phone was – and Keith’s lie left no doubt that something was very wrong.

He called your name again, leaving Sophie and Trucker to deal with the still protesting Keith.

And that’s when he heard it - a small whimper coming from one of the closed off rooms.

Billy didn’t hesitate, all but running to the door. He barged into the room and almost sighed in relief at the sight of you on the bed, unharmed. But then he took note of the way you were making small, aborted movements, as if you wanted to move but your limbs wouldn’t let you, and the way your dress was bunched up at your waist, high enough for Billy to see your panties. He met your eyes to find them glassy and unfocussed, yet undeniably full of fear.

White-hot rage filled him as he realised what he had interrupted, overriding all rational thought. He silently, almost calmly, turned around and walked back out into the living room where Keith was arguing with Trucker and Sophie. When he turned and saw Billy, there was no disguising his fear this time.

‘Look, man, I can-’

Billy didn’t let him finish his sentence. He pulled out his gun and pulled the trigger, the shot expertly aimed at Keith’s crotch, making sure he would never again be able to do what he had been about to do to you. Keith howled and fell to his knees, his hands clutching at the red patch quickly forming on his pants.

Billy had no sympathy for the man, returning to the bedroom without so much as a backwards glance.

You were making more murmurs of distress now, the gunshot having evidently frightened you, so he approached you slowly. ‘It’s just me,’ he reassured you soothingly. ‘You’re safe. I won’t let anyone hurt you.’

Recognition spread across your face, and you relaxed your movements. ‘B’lly?’ you murmured, the word slurred.

‘That’s right, baby. I got you.’ He straightened your dress so it was once again covering your legs, and then carefully scooped you up into his arms. He helped you wrap your arms around his neck so you weren’t so much of a dead weight, and then wordlessly carried you out of the room.

Keith was passed out now, either from pain or from blood loss, and Trucker was checking his vitals while Sophie was on the phone, probably calling an ambulance. At the sight of you in Billy’s arms, both soldiers paused and frowned before glaring at the unconscious Keith. Billy didn’t wait for them to follow as he headed out the door with you, but they caught up with him as he was waiting for the elevator.

‘Ambulance has been called,’ said Sophie. ‘They should get here before he bleeds out.’ She didn’t sound like she cared too much if they didn’t.

‘I doubt he’d be stupid enough to press charges,’ added Trucker, ‘but I’ll have someone wipe the building’s security footage just in case.’

Billy nodded his acknowledgement, not trusting himself to speak. He couldn’t help but focus on how close they had been to not getting to you in time. If you hadn’t set up those precautions with Trucker and Sophie…

Billy closed his eyes and tried to calm himself. He didn’t want to think about what could have been. You were safe now, that was all that mattered.

‘D’nt feel so g’d,’ you mumbled against his neck just as the elevator doors opened.

Billy held you a little tighter, only just resisting the urge to kiss the top of your head. ‘We’ll get you to a hospital,’ he told you. ‘Everything’s going to be okay.’

----

At some point during the early hours of the morning, you had fallen asleep at the hospital. When you woke up, your head was a little foggy and your stomach a little nauseous, but your memory was just fine. Things were understandably a bit fuzzy, but you remembered enough to know what Keith had tried to do, and that Billy had been the one to come to your rescue.

God, you felt so humiliated. And grateful. And angry. And scared and confused and just mentally exhausted from the whole ordeal. All you wanted to do was go home and cry.

Thankfully it was Sophie who first came to see you. She gave you a brief rundown of how she and Trucker had suspected something was wrong when you didn’t text them, and how they had run into Billy at Anvil and he had joined them.

She also told you that Billy had shot Keith’s cock off, which did manage to lighten your mood, if only briefly.

Soon, though, she had to go, and you were left to wait for the doctors to discharge you on your own.

Or so you thought.

A knock on the open door made you jump, and you looked up to see Billy hovering in the doorway, his face an expressionless mask. You were instantly reminded of the argument the two of you had had not 15 hours beforehand.

‘I don’t want to hear it,’ you said, turning away.

‘Hear what?’ he asked.

‘Any lectures or “I told you so”s. You win, oaky. I’ll never date anybody again, I’ll just… be alone.’

You managed to catch the sob forming in your throat, but only just.

You heard Billy’s footsteps as he walked over to you, and you reluctantly turned to face him. ‘Don’t say that,’ he said, voice softer than you had ever heard it. ‘And no lectures, I promise. You did good.’

You opened and closed your mouth a couple of times, thrown by the compliment that you weren’t sure you deserved.

‘Not good enough,’ you mumbled at last, sitting down on the edge of your hospital bed. ‘He still spiked my drink. You were right, I should’ve been smarter.’

A sigh fell from Billy’s lips as he sat down next to you. ‘I shouldn’t have said all those things yesterday,’ he said. ‘You were the one who was right, and I knew it too, I just...’ He sighed again. ‘It doesn’t matter. I was an ass and I’m sorry. But please don’t think that any of this is your fault. You did everything right. Yes, Keith turned out to be a piece of shit, but that’s not on you. And when things went to shit, you had protocols in place for it.’

You took a moment to digest his words before accepting the apology with a nod.

‘Thank you for getting me out of there,’ you said, voice full of gratitude.

Billy nudged your shoulder. ‘Don’t thank me. Like I said, you’re the one who had all the security protocols set up. I just happened to see the others as they were leaving to get you.’

Your lips twitched up into a half-smile. ‘In that case, thanks for shooting the bastard’s cock off.’

‘He’s lucky,’ said Billy, expression suddenly dark. ‘If we had arrived any later, it would have been his head.’

You reached over and placed your hand on his, reassuring both him and yourself that things hadn’t gotten that far. It seemed to help; the storm faded from his eyes, and he looked down to where your fingers were almost interlocking with his.

‘What happened to Keith after?’ you asked.

Another dark look passed over Billy’s face at the mention of Keith’s name, but it was gone after only a short moment. He manoeuvred your hands so that they were properly joined and squeezed your fingers. ‘He’s somewhere in the hospital. Last I heard, he hadn’t bled out.’

‘Do you think he’ll call the police?’

Billy shook his head. ‘He’d be an idiot if he did.’ There was a beat of silence before Billy spoke again. ‘Do you want to call the police?’

You shook your head quickly. ‘I just want to forget it happened… and I really don’t want you to go to jail for giving the bastard what he deserved.’

‘I would, you know.’

Your head snapped around to face him. You could tell by his intense gaze that he was dead serious. You tried to pull your hand out of his grip, too overwhelmed by it all, but he just held it tighter.

‘Billy…’

‘I would do anything to keep you safe.’

You had no idea how to react to such a declaration, so you blurted out the first thing that came to your head.

‘I only tried online dating because I couldn’t have you.’

Both yours and Billy’s eyes widened at your sudden outburst.

‘What I mean is,’ you quickly continued, already floundering for an explanation that didn’t make you sound pathetically lovesick. ‘I- I-’

Billy’s lips on yours effectively silenced you, and you had just enough time to respond to the kiss before he was pulling away again. ‘Who said you couldn’t have me?’ he asked, somehow managing to sound both soft and cocky. You imagined the latter was due to the dazed look on your face. But, hey, who could blame you for that? Billy Russo had just kissed you.

‘I, uh, I thought I wasn’t… I’m not the kind of woman you usually go for. I thought you wouldn’t want me.’

Billy chuckled and shook his head. ‘We really are idiots, aren’t we?’

You frowned at the insult and tried to pull your hand away again, still to no avail. The mixed messages were confusing you and not helping your already fragile state.

Billy used his free hand to cup your face, stopping you from looking away. ‘You wanna know the reason I’ve been in such a bad mood these last couple of days?’ He didn’t wait for you to answer, barrelling on even as you nodded. ‘It’s because I didn’t want you to go on that date. It didn’t matter how you met the guy, or even who he was… just knowing you were going on a date with somebody else was killing me.’

You frowned again, this time confused for a different reason. ‘You were jealous?’ you asked. ‘I thought my crush on you was obvious. Why didn’t you say something?’

Billy lowered his hand and shrugged. ‘Because you’re so nice to everyone, I couldn’t be sure if I was different. And I figured, even if I was different, I’m your boss and you deserve so much better than me anyway, so we were best the way we were.’

‘And what about now?’ you asked, thinking about the way he had kissed you moments ago. It had been short, but there had been plenty of passion behind it. ‘Do you still think that?’

‘I still think you deserve better,’ said Billy, ‘but I don’t think I can keep pretending you are merely my friend and employee. I want so much more than that.’

This time it was you who was closing the distance between you both, and you used your free hand to pull him into an eager kiss which he instantly responded to. It wasn’t until you felt his hand on your hip that you realised you had twisted yourself around so that you were just about sitting in his lap.

You pulled back with a bashful smile and reluctantly untangled yourself from him. And just in time too. Only a few seconds later, the doctor arrived to do his final checks before he let you go home. You were actually grateful for the interruption. It gave you chance to gather yourself.

By the time the doctor had finished and you were outside the hospital, your head felt a little clearer and you could think better.

‘So, what happens now?’ you asked Billy as he led you to his car. Neither of you had said a word to each other since your kiss, and the uncertainty was gnawing at you.

‘Now I take you home,’ he said.

You gave him a look. ‘I meant, what happens with us?’

‘Well, I was thinking Tuesday night, if you are free.’

‘Tuesday night?’ you asked, confused.

‘For a date.’ His mask of confidence faltered. ‘If you are still interested, that is.’

Your mind short circuited for a moment at the thought of finally going on a date with the man you had been pining after all this time, but you quickly shook yourself out of it. ‘Yep, definitely still interested,’ you said quickly. ‘Just, uh, maybe not at a bar if that’s okay.’

You knew without a doubt that your date with Billy would not end like the one with Keith had, but you really didn’t want any reminders. You had been waiting for this for too damn long to let some asshole ruin it.

Billy took your hand in his and lifted to his lips. He placed a gentle kiss on your knuckles.

‘Not a problem at all.’

You looked away to hide your blush. Who knew Billy Russo was capable of such sweet gestures?

‘Are you sure it won’t be weird?’ you asked. ‘Dating your employee? What will everyone think?’

‘I don’t really care what they think,’ said Billy simply, making you smile. ‘But I imagine there will be a few smug looks. I overheard Trucker talking on the phone to Miles earlier. I’m pretty sure there’s a betting pool on us.’

You couldn’t help but chuckle at that. It seemed everybody had known about yours and Billy’s feelings except for you and Billy. ‘You were right,’ you told him. ‘We really are idiots.’

Billy laughed too, and when you reached his car, he used your joined hands to pull you closer to him. ‘Not anymore,’ he said before claiming your lips in another kiss.

This one felt like a promise.