#Dark Super Dimentio | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

autisticsupervillain · 1 year

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It's Fictional Throwdown Friday: Movie Night!

A side version of FTF that's hosted and presented much like Death Battle, where two characters I like give an overview of the combatants and I provide you with a fully written fight scene.

This Week's Fighters...

Ansem, Seeker of Darkness vs. Super Dimentio!

As Presented By:

Damien LaVey and Calculester!

Rules and Conditions:

Kingdom Hearts 1 Ansem

Super Dimentio with the Power of the Chaos Heart

Introduction:

Damien: We're all familiar with those big, nauseatingly sacherine human feanchises by now, right? We all know who Mario is and we've all sold at least some part of our soul to that fucking Disney corporation. If yes, then you're definitely familiar with the urge to light those fucking characters on fire and sing those dumb fucking catchy songs all day long as they scream!

Calculester: ...I assure you, I have not felt that urge, Friend Damien.

Damien: Well, don't worry about it. These two have it covered. Meet Ansem, Seeker of Darkness, scourge of the Disney Multiverse, and the Heartless copy of Xehanort from Kingdom Hearts.

Calculester: And Dimentio, the master of dimensions from Paper Mario.

Damien: I'm Damien and he's Calculester and we're going to determine which of these two can beat the everloving shit out of each other!

Calculester: With the unfailing logic of science and math.

Damien: Don't ruin it.

Analysis: Ansem

Damien: Oh, fuck me, we're starting with this guy. Okay, everybody, buckle up, this is going to be a lot.

Calculester: Long before the events of the first Kingdom Hearts game, which would technically make it not the first Kingdom Hearts game I'd assume but after Star Wars I've long stopped trying to understand human filing systems, there was a Keyblade Master named Xehanort.

Damien: Wait, go back, what's a Keyblade?

Calculester: A Keyblade, not to be confused with the X-Blade, is-

Damien: You just said Keyblade twice.

Calculester: Well, no, the X-Blade was forged during the Keyblade War fought between numerous Keyblade Masters, whereas the Keyblade-

Damien: How can there be Keyblade Masters if the Keyblade was forged during the war? Who wrote this?!

Calculester: ERROR: CONTINUITY OVERFLOW. TOO MUCH TO EXPLAIN. EXPLANATION OVERLOAD. REBOOTING...

Damien: Well, shit, now I have to explain it.

Damien: Okay, bare minimum. Long, long ago, a bunch the world's most powerful warriors, Keyblade Masters, fought a war over Kingdom Hearts, the heart of all worlds and source of Ultimate Power. Lots of time later, Master Xehanort, another Keyblade Master, wanted to start a second Keyblade War to reach Kingdom Hearts and recreate everything in his image, which is just blaise if you ask me. My dads have run the whole "recreate the world in our image" thing into the ground, so all I'm seeing here is a criminal lack of imagination.

Damien: Anyways, he failed and wound up possessing some guy named Terra. Terra-Xehanort then went on to study under a guy named Ansem the Wise, who he would later overthrow and impersonate in order to use his research to his own ends. That research wound up splitting him into two people again. One of them, an empty shell without a Heart called a Nobody who would become Xemnas and the other is our topic for today, Ansem.

Calculester: ...I did not know you played so much Kingdom Hearts, friend Damien.

Damien: Hey! I have hobbies outside of arson! Fuck you!

Calculester: Regardless, Ansem, the Seeker of Darkness, is Xehanort's Heartless. This means that he is a Heart that fell to darkness and is thus reduced to nothing but a blob of darkness, which leaves behind the empty body to become a Nobody. In other words, when Terra-Xehanort fell as a result of his research, his heart became the Heartless Ansem, while his body became the Nobody Xemnas.

Damien: ...So, what's the difference? Aren't they both technically Heartless then? Hell, if anything, shouldn't the names be switched? Heartless literally ARE hearts.

Calculester: Well, for one thing, Heartless are made up of darkness while Nobodies are made of nothingness. This makes them both incorporeal and intangible to most regular beings. As such, only Keyblade welders and otherwise extremely powerful magic users can harm or physically interact with them safely. When most beings are struck by a Heartless, their Heart is stolen, erasing them from existence and creating more Nobodies and Heartless. Thanks to this process, the Heartless have been able to overrun and obliterate entire universe sized worlds.

Damien: Yeah, but Ansem's not a regular Heartless, right? I mean, he looks like just some fucking guy, for starters.

Calculester: Indeed. Darkness in Kingdom Hearts is a corrupting influence fueled by negative emotions. As such, most Heartless don't have a mind and look and act more as instinct driven animals. Ansem is the only Heartless to maintain both his physical form and his full mental faculties, largely thanks to his overwhelming power and indomitable will.

Damien: I'll say. Ansem still wanted to get his hands on Kingdom Hearts and he'd happily drown the worlds in darkness to do it. That's why he went to a small, nowhere world called Destiny Islands and took an interest in a young boy named Riku. Riku was supposed to be a Keyblade Wielder, so Ansem figured he'd make a great pawn in his quest for Kingdom Hearts.

Calculester: Destroying Destiny Islands and handing Riku over to a troupe of Disney villains, Ansem would feed on Riku's growing inner darkness and resentment in order to possess the boy, hoping to use his Keyblade to unlock Kingdom Hearts.

Damien: Sadly for him, Riku had a friend. Sora, a random kid who happened to get his hands on Riku's Keyblade, would chase Ansem across the worlds to get his friends back from Ansem's clutches. Good fucking luck with that because unholy shit this bastard's tough.

Calculester: Ansem retains much of the magic he had as Xehanort, even if he no longer has a Keyblade. He can fly, teleport, cast illusions, and create full body forcefields.

Damien: His attacks poison you, blind you, and even slow down time when they hit you to make you easier prey and if all that shit isn't enough, he can summon armies of Heartless that obey his every word, from puny little shadows to giant Darkseids the size of buildings. Fucking hell, how did anyone beat this fucker?

Calculester: Sora did. With the power of light and friendship.

Damien: Aughh. I knew they'd find a way to ruin him. Fucking Disney.

Calculester: More specifically, it took a blast of pure light energy from Kingdom Hearts itself to obliterate Ansem. Well, the Kingdom Hearts of Worlds more specifically. It's different from the real Kingdom Hearts. For some reason.

Damien: Obliterate might be generous. Don't get me wrong, his body was fucking gone, but he still somewhat survived. But Heartless are known to come back from complete annihilation as long as there is Darkness around and Ansem is no exception. He was able to regenerate from the darkness in Riku's heart and he'd continue to try to possess him for years after his first defeat. Even by Xehanort standards, this guy just would not die.

Calculester: He may have been the first villain Sora faced, but he remains one of the strongest. He posed a threat to the entire Kingdom Hearts multiverse, wherein every star in the sky equates to its own universe. That is a multiverse of up to at least ten thousand worlds. That's not even considering how he can easily keep step with Keyblade wielders like Riku and Sora, who can dodge and react to beams of light and should be comparable to his Nobody Xemnas, who reacted to Roxas flying to the Keyblade Graveyard at 167 million times the speed of light.

Source:

Damien: And that's not even counting his Dark Figure. You know, that big black shadow thing that looms behind him like a JoJo stand.

Calculester: ...You know wha-

Damien: ZOE GOT ME INTO IT, IT'S NOT MY FAULT! Back on topic, his Dark Figure can take hits for him, fight on his behalf, and even grow into a gigantic battleship called the World of Chaos. Why the fuck don't I have one of those?

Calculester: Because you are not a Heartless, nor are you Xehanort. ...I think. As you can can see-

Damien: Wait! I just thought of something. Heartless are pitch black... they're made of, like, fear and junk... and they're old creatures of darkness.... Holy shit, Oz is a Heartless! I gotta go!

Calculester: Friend Damien wait, that is not- WHERE DID YOU GET A KEYBLADE-

*CRASH*

Calculester: ...We'll be right back.

Analysis: Dimentio

Calculester: Welcome back Friend Damien. How did your failed attempt to kill Friend Oz go?

Damien: Okay, so it turns out Oz isn't made of darkness, they're made of pitch black organs that scream when you stab them.

Calculester: ...I'm fairly certain that was Friend Oz screaming, Friend Damien.

Damien: Whatever. What'd I miss?

Calculester: Well, I was just about to delve into a story about the organic emotion known as love.

Damien: Alright, you do that. I'm gonna go kill Oz some more.

Calculester: It involves mass destruction.

Damien: Sounds great! Let me stick around.

Calculester: It is the story of a love that should not be, one that threatened to destroy all reality. It is the love between Peach... and Bowser.

Damien: I mean, that sounds like her loss if anything. Who wouldn't want a partner that breathes fire!

Calculester: This inholy matrimony was instigated by the nefarious Count Bleck for the purpose of creating the Chaos Heart, a powerful artifact that would destroy the multiverse.

Damien: Sounds like typical big bad material. Here's a clue for the sharp eyed observer though. This post isn't called Ansem vs Count Bleck. Cal, tell them what's behind the curtain.

Calculester: Count Bleck was attempting to fulfill a prophecy foretold by the Dark Prognosticus that would allow him to destroy the multiverse. But, what he didn't realize was that the Dark Prognosticus's writer was working in his employ the entire time. Dimentio, a mischievous jester and self proclaimed master of dimensions.

Damien: Yeah, this guy? He is not your typical Mario villain, at all. We know jack shit about his backstory for starters and we have no idea how he started working for Bleck.

Calculester: What is known is he is in truth playing Bleck like a pawn. Dimentio intends to seize the Chaos Heart for himself and use it to destroy every world in the Mario multiverse. Intending to recreate reality in his image.

Damien: Since when did Mario go up against Final Fantasy villains? Fuck, he even kinda fights like one, thinking about it. Teleporting between worlds, flying around, duplicating himself, hell, he even has his own special boss dight dimension. One that makes both him and his enemy two hundred and fifty six times stronger, which feels like an oversight on his part. Feels like he was copying from Kefka's playbook.

Calculester:....

Damien: Go ahead! Ask me how I know who that is, I dare you!

Calculester: I have not said anything, Friend Damien. Sources tell me it's considered impolite to discourage a friend's interests.

Damien: YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT! AND IF ANYONE SAYS OTHERWISE I'LL BLOW THEM UP! Fucking cook them like Mario. ...Oh, did I forget to mention that? Dimentio blew Mario the fuck up one time.

Calculester: Correct. Dimentio has a habit of creating a barrier around his foes before blowing them up. It is a habit you and him have in common, Friend Damien.

Damien: Well, what else am I supposed to use a forcefield for?

Calculester: On the topic of habits, Dimentio has a notable tendency to spy on people with invisibility and is known to mind control people at his own convenience. Such as fellow minion O'Chunks and Luigi.

Damien: THAT BASTARD! He can kill Mario all he likes, I don't fucking care, but NO ONE TOUCHES MY MAN LUIGI! We went though a mansion together and everything.

Calculester: Dimentio would even go so far as to fuse with Luigi while harnessing the Chaos Heart, becoming Super Dimentio.

Damien: THE MOTHERFUCKING NEVER. We need to kill that clown. Calculester, make sure he dies.

Calculester: I can't rig the results like that-

Damien: Then I will, dammit! No one touches my man! I did not grow up with a gamecube to let that jester fucker treat him like this...

Calculester: Well.... as Super Dimentio, Dimentio becomes powerful enough to destroy the entire Mario multiverse and recreate it at his leisure. Seeing how every dream a person has is it's own multiverse, the result is a multiverse that is unquestionably massive in size. That is on top of the fact that he's already on par with Mario even in base form, who has been calculated as going over eight hundred and twenty trillion times light speed.

Source:

Damien: And he's a cheating bastard, too. He's surrounded at all times by a nigh-unbreakable forcefield. You can't brag about your "ultimate power" and then refuse to let me hit you. Coward.

Calculester: There is one way past his shield, Friend Damien. Love.

Damien: Aaugh. Why can't his one weakness be, like, fire, or something? Love is so boring. I get that from Brian every day, it's not rare. All I'm hearing is that Brian and I could've kicked his ass in five seconds.

Calculester: You also set things on fire every day.

Damien: Well the difference there is fire is awsome and the gasoline for it is actually kinda expensive. Especially after my dads cut my allowance.

Calculester: Well, more specifically, the Chaos Heart is weak against the Pure Hearts, which are powered by love. It is the ultimate counter balance against the despair the Chaos Heart is created by and it is that which ultimate costs Dimentio his victory.

Damien: Well, he at least explodes when he dies so I'll give his lame weakness a pass.

Transition:

Calculester: The fighters are ready and the data has been analyzed.

Damien: IT'S TIME TO WATCH THESE TWO FUCKING KILL EACH OTHER!

The pitch black walls of Count Bleck's castle echoed with a maniacal laughter. The dark flames illuminating the Count's keep unveiled a grizzly sight. The Heroes of Light lay dead at the feet of a blank eyed Luigi and above them, a sinister jester danced around the silhouette of the Chaos Heart.

"Oh, what a wonderful show you've provided for us, my dear Mr. L! What a fantastic spectacle. I've always preferred theater myself, but I'll give me credit where it's due and admit I'm quite good a puppet shows!" Dimentio proclaimed, reveling in his victory. The dancing stopped with a quizzical "hm?" as an inky dark silhouette appeared. Out of it stepped a small boy in a bizarre dark garb and pure silver hair atop his head. Dimentio snapped his fingers and Mr. L jumped into the boy's path in a combat ready stance. "You're not part of the prophecy. Who are you?"

"A seeker of darkness, much like yourself I'd imagine." The boy answered in an echo of what seemed to be both his own voice and that of a much older man. "I come from a distant cluster of worlds in search of a great source of darkness." Riku pointed at the Chaos Heart hovering overhead. "That heart has more darkness within it than any I've seen. It will be the perfect tool in my quest for Kingdom Hearts."

"Kingdom Hearts..." Dimentio said, rolling the words around on his tongue. "What a perfect place to begin my final magic show. You'll have to show it to me after I've... enlisted you."

Dimentio snapped his fingers again and the two met in a clash that shook the whole building. Riku's Dark Keyblade and Luigi's hammer ground against each other in a collision that left explosive cracks along the ground.

Riku pushed his way though, forcing Luigi to hop back as he pursued him with wide swings. Luigi bounced off the walls, hopping off Riku's head like he were a Goomba before spinning in mid air to pelt his stunned foe with a barage of fire flowers.

Riku took the hits with an annoyed huff before he bashed one of the fire balls straight back, forcing the possessed plumber to deflect it again with his hammer. The two dashed parallel across the room, hitting the projectile back and forth as both they and it picked up speed.

Luigi suprised Riku at the last minute with a sudden burst of speed, jumping over the projectile and smashing the Keyblade Wielder into the ground. Dimentio turbed invisible as his puppet continued to utilize his apparent speed advantage, content to enjoy the show from a distance.

The applause stopped dead when, as Luigi pulled his hammer back to continue pummeling, the Keyblade snapped the handle with one hard swing.

"To oblivion with you!" Riku rasped out as a blast of darkness from his Keyblade sent Luigi flying, crashing him through a nearby pillar.

"It seems we have a similar taste in puppets." The boy monologed as he approached the seemingly downed plumbers. "I can sense his resentment and his desperate thirst for adventure. He would be a perfect vessel in other circumstances." Riku's approach was suddenly halted by an invisible barrier. He glanced around in confusion before suddenly realizing he'd been boxed in at all sides.

"I hadn't realized I'd scheduled a puppet show." Dimentio remarked, making himself visible again. "I've always had a preference for theater. I'd much rather see the actor underneath!"

A finger snap engulfed Riku in explosions as Dimentio laughed and applauded, the flash of the blasts illuminating the entire room.

As the barrier disappeared, the smoke began to clear, revealing Riku's shadow still standing tall.

"Very well. I suppose I have no further use for this pawn." Ansem declared, the smoke clearing to reveal Ansem holding Riku's body up by the neck, before the Heartless tossed the boy aside like a wet rag. Dimentio began to duplicate as he hovered overhead, circuling Ansem as they all charged up blasts of magic. "Or for you."

As the blasts homed in from all sides, the Dark Body appeared to swat them all away, knocking some clones out of the air with the blasts. One Dimentio clone homed in on Ansem's now exposed flank as the Seeker focused on the rest, preparing a blast from overhead.

Ansem spun around at the last second, nabbing Dimentio by the throat and slamming him into the nearby wall. "Unlike you, I am not helpless without my pawns. The darkness is wasted on you. You who understand nothing."

Dimentio forced out a raspy giggle. "Silly little seeker, I wrote the book on that Dark Heart specifically~"

Ansem looked at wear Dimentio pointed to see Luigi's body begin to merge with the Chaos Heart, the shadow of a giant behemoth beginning to emerge from the mass. "What have you..." Ansem trailed off, before a massive white glove smashed him through the wall, sending him souring out of the castle.

As Ansem picked himself up, clutching his head in his palm, he saw the Luigi shaped monstrosity crash through the castle. It's neck wrapped around and smashed the stone towers as Dimentio sat in it's mouth like a cockpit. The jester was soon swallowed down and his impish expression spread to Luigi's face. Ansem could only gasp up at it in awe.

"What darkness have you wrought!"

"Darkness this, Darkness that, tsk tsk. So trite. All I have wrought is the last great magic show of your life!"

Ansem summoned a shield to protect him, but even that began to creak and crack against both of Super Dimentio's hands. "Guardian, come to me!" As Ansem was carried up to eye level, his Dark Figure appeared again to protect him. Each of the Guardian's heavy blows bounced off a rainbow shield, not even making Super Dimentio flinch.

"And now, we part. Ciao!"

Ansem shield shattered like glass and his body vanished with a sickening crack. A light chuckle left Luigi's lips, before it transitioned to a full on cackle. Thunder crackled across the sky as the Master of Dimensions relished in ultimate power.

"...This world has been connected..."

The smashed rubble began disappearing as the laughter stopped. Dimentio's face shifted into one of confusion.

"...Tied to the darkness..."

"Who said that? What's happening?" Dimentio asked as the sky faded to purple. Hordes of Heartless began straining into existence like oil stains spreading across cloth. Dimentio tried to shake the ant like beasts off him to no avail.

"...Soon to be completely eclipsed..."

"What's going on? What's happening!?" The world faded from view. Count Bleck's castle was no more. The world turned to Darkness around Dimentio's feet. And in that Darkness loomed the shadow of a battleship.

A vast, terrible battleship, spun together from flesh approached, with a gaping maw as its bust and a gargantuan Guardian as its mast. Alongside it floated Ansem, arms crossed in triumph.

"All worlds return to the Darkness from whence they came!"

Ansem lept from atop his battleship, cutting through Dimentio's massive hands with the blades in his hand as he lunged. Ansem outstretched his free hand and shoved it through Luigi's massive face, drilling through his skull with his bare palm alone. Luigi's Heart, his very soul, faded into darkness and his body soon began to fade along with it. It was in the head of that fading corpse that Ansem held Dimentio up by the scruff if his neck.

"You could never destroy the darkness." Ansem said. "Your heart is filled with it."

Ansem simply shoved his hand through Dimentio's chest, freeing his Heart so it too could join the Darkness. Dimentio's body faded to nothing, his hat blowing away in the wind.

Ansem stood victorious, with the Chaos Heart in his hand and the Heartless of his fallen foes forming at his side. He gazed out at the sea of worlds the Mario Multiverse provided, each glowing as bright as a star.

By the time he was done, there would be no more stars left in the sky.

KO!

Conclusion:

Damien: No, he killed my man! Calculester how could you!

Calculester: You wanted me to-

Damien: NOT LIKE THIS!! ...Not like this...

Calculester: Well, that aside, this was an interesting matchup to consider.

Damien: Oh, definitely. Dimentio actually had quite a few legs up over Ansem. He was much faster and stronger for starters.

Calculester: Correct. While Ansem can keep up with people millions of times faster than light, Dimentio was comperable to people trillions of times faster and he multiverse he would've destroyed was much bigger as well. One universe for every star in the sky is immense, but one universe for everyone who has ever dreamed is much bigger. Especially when considering that every universe has people in it who dream and those dreams contain more people who dream and so on.

Damien: The problem is, it really didn't help Dimentio kill Ansem. While it's arguable that Super Dimentio could still hit Ansem when considering that Luigi fights intangible peeps all the time, that still didn't give him anything quite like a keyblade with which to keep Ansem down. Hell, Dimentio's a petty, selfish, spiteful, prideful little shit himself. Those are all the things that Darkness in KH feeds on, giving Ansem a steady supply with which to regenerate or even possess Dimentio outright.

Calculester: And that's when remembering Ansem's superior intellect, given his many years studying darkness and his time as a keyblade master as Xehanort. Ansem was going to plan around Dimentio's advantages eventually and his ability to steal hearts and erase people with a touch gave him an easy victory condition Dimentio couldn't easily counter.

Damien: Dimentio's a tricky fucker, but as far as his show is concerned, it's lights out!

The Winner is:

Ansem!

Music:

youtube

#fictional throwdown fridays #movie night #monster prom #damien lavey #calculester hewlett packard #kingdom hearts #ansem seeker of darkness #super mario bros #dimentio #Youtube

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