#Defcon steam

[mainsana]

Defcon steam

DEFCON STEAM DRIVERS

DEFCON STEAM SOFTWARE

DEFCON STEAM CODE

As documented by Vice, owners of John Deere tractors increasingly turn to forums, pirated maintenance software, and hacked firmware releases to keep their machinery running.įarmers are now combatants in the right-to-repair market, rubbing shoulders with figures most commonly associated with the consumer tech industry. Owners are limited when performing basic repairs and upgrades. Instead, they must rely on a certified (and expensive) engineer. Like a smartphone or a Tesla, they’re locked down. Computers sit at the heart of their tractors. John Deere is known for its vociferous opposition to the right-to-repair movement. The idea that a threat actor could remotely disable or damage agricultural equipment is, frankly, terrifying. Its tractors play an essential role in the global food chain. It holds (roughly) one-third of the market. We note that John Deere is the leading tractor manufacturer. If, as iFixit founder Kyle Wiens pointed out, “outdated and unpatched Linux and Windows” is the gasoline, unfettered root access is the match.

DEFCON STEAM SOFTWARE

This issue is especially bad considering John Deere 4240’s underlying software is fundamentally insecure.

DEFCON STEAM DRIVERS

Modern processors restrict the access of user-facing applications to parts of the computer’s memory, IO, and CPU instructions, while giving drivers and the underlying operating system kernel unfettered access. It’s a fundamental precept of modern operating system and hardware design.Ĭhipmakers, for example, implement this with the protection ring model. This rule is called the Principle of Least Privilege, or PoLP. Why? Because if an application runs with root privileges by default, it can do any number of harmful things to the underlying system.īy limiting what an application can do, you limit the potential damage caused by a malicious application. – Everything runs as root- Sick.Codes August 14, 2022Ī cardinal security rule is that applications should have the least amount of permissions needed to do their jobs. – John Deere’s X window display server is g6wm – The weird graphical artifacts are just Yocto/QT quirks n 3D transparency stuff There’s a reason Windows asks for your consent when installing an application, or when a program seeks higher levels of access.

DEFCON STEAM CODE

The keys to the kingdomĪdditionally, the code runs as root - or, put plainly, with administrative privileges. The tractor’s computer does not check whether an application is signed with a John Deere-exclusive cryptographic certificate, or against a pre-defined list of checksums. SickCodes had to physically disassemble the machine, according to The Register, and modify its internals.įortunately, once the code was physically on the machine, he faced no further challenges. Porting Doom to the tractor was not an easy task. Similarly, the DoomGuy’s arsenal of high-power firearms and directed energy weapons became a tractor wheel. Skelegant replaced Doom’s Martian hellscape with (what else) a field of wheat. Naturally, this, too, was heavily modded. SickCodes partnered with New Zealand hacker Skelegant to create a build of the game specifically for the hardware. Playing Doom on a John Deere tractor display (jailbroken/rooted) at /ih0QUTGNuS- Sick.Codes August 14, 2022

[tf2emporium]

New Payload Map, Odyssey! Vote now on Steam Workshop This item was created by: Sarexicus (https://steamcommunity.com/id/sarexicus) Yume (https://steamcommunity.com/id/ceruleanblue) KrazyZark (https://steamcommunity.com/id/KrazyZark) Defcon (https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198079458315)

[theworkshopmann]

Phoenix

Type: Map

Map type: CP

Accepted in game: No

This map was made by Steam users Defcon, Diva Dan, KrazyZark and Stuffy360. Posted on April 30th 2023, you can subscribe right here!

[angrybatart]

Re: Fun video games that (probably) won't fry your laptop. These are all on Steam.

-Factorio - Strategy/puzzle game about automating an enormous factory while siphoning natural resources from an infinite alien landscape. Highly moddable. Still receives occasional updates. Includes in-game tutorial, and peaceful mode if you don't want to fight the planet's giant cockroaches. Allegedly indirectly teaches you about software engineering.

-Killing Floor - Co-op first-person shooter survival horror. Work alone or with friends (difficulty scales with player count) to fend off waves of increasingly deadly mutants in locations ranging from West London to secret underground labs to Santa's workshop, before squaring off against their mad scientist creator. Already sequeled twice and receives no further updates (don't expect a huge player base), and many weapons (and cosmetic skins) are locked in DLCs.

-DEFCON - Real-time strategy about global thermonuclear war, inspired by the 1980s movie Wargames. Take control of one or more territories and try to eradicate as much of the population of up to fixe enemy territories while minimizing your own losses. Highly moddable, and often goes on sale for really cheap. Includes in-game tutorial. Was once the focus of an actual for real scientific study.

-DUSK - First-person episodic Boomer Shooter. Take on the role of Dusk Dude as he runs and guns his way through more than 30 levels of Pennsylvania backwoods, corrupted cityscapes, and places beyond the understanding of men. Fight your way through legions of cultists and nameless terrors, and finally, the cult's leader, Jakob. Somewhat moddable, and offers an arena-style multiplayer. Features a kickass thrash/industrial metal soundtrack by Andrew Hulshult. HD version also recently released (as a free add-on to the original game).

-Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell: Chaos Theory - The third (and arguably best) iteration of the classic tactical stealth game, though almost totally separate from the stories of the first two. Play as Sam Fisher, a spy for the NSA as you use gadgets, cunning, and state-sponsored gymnastic skills to unravel the latest plot to push the world toward all-out war. Includes in-game video tutorials. Features co-op and versus modes (though I've never tried them).

-Hotline Miami and Hotline Miami 2: Wrong Number - Top-down arcade-style mass murder simulator drenched in blood, neon colors, and '80s aesthetics. Play as a nameless protagonist (fan named "Jacket") receiving orders from mysterious phone calls, and bludgeon, slash, and shoot your way through buildings crawling with Russian Mafia, wearing rubber animal masks that give you different abilities. In the second game, the story expands as you play as several other characters in the aftermath of Jacket's actions, each with their own motivations, yet inexorably bound together. Features many synth-pop tracks from various artists, available on a neon magenta vinyl record. Go for the high score and show off to your friends how amazing and handsome you are at a critically-acclaimed indie game. Second game also comes with a short virtual comic book!

-FAItH: The Unholy Trinity - 8-bit style religious horror game with rotoscoped cutscenes, developed b Airdorf Games. Play as Fr. John Ward in 1987 Connecticut as your quest to right your wrongs and complete an interrupted exorcism spiral into madness and the true depths of the Satanic Panic of the 1980s. Features multiple endings, game modes, an arcade mode, and an in-game tutorial.

-Bloodrayne: Terminal Cut - A PC port of the cult-favorite third-person hack-and-slash. Play as Rayne, a dhampir hired by the mysterious Brimstone Society to handle situations too otherworldly or dangerous for mere humans; Which mostly involves slaughtering thousands of Nazis before they can get their hands on otherworldly artifacts. Includes a bunch of special codes that can be inputted to make the game easier, harder, or to activate "Juggy Mode." Game doesn't have any actual nudity but definitely enjoys its jiggle physics. One sequel (not as good IMO but also on Steam), a spinoff game, and also spawned at least 1 movie and some comic books IRL.

-CARRION - Metroidvania-style reverse horror game. Play as an unfathomable lump of runaway teeth, tentacles, and God-knows-what as you tear your way through Relith Labs, on a mission to escape and consume anyone who gets in your way. Evolve as the game progresses, growing larger and acquiring new abilities. Includes a small Christmas-themed free DLC that is essentially more of the same.

-Gone Home - Short, narrative-driven game about returning from Europe to your parents' new home, and discovering your sister is gone. Explore the house, discovering notes, clues, and secrets as a story of growing up and self-discovery unfolds. I don't want to spoil any of it, just take my word for it that it's a good game, and not violent or anything like other games on this list.

-Omen Exitio: Plague - Visual novel RPG where you take on the role of a doctor during an outbreak of a mysterious, deadly disease. Unravel the mystery bit by bit as you are hounded by madness and mysterious figures with ill intention, and make decisions that may alter the course of history.

-Hacknet - DOS-style programming game apparently inspired by hacking scenes in various movies. Delve into the world of professional hackers, complete jobs for clients, bypass security to break into servers, and discover the fate of your late benefactor, as his/her automated failsafe leads you toward the truth. "Labyrinths" DLC also available, and can be accessed and completed at any time before, during, or after the main game. In-game tutorial provided. Features an amazing techno soundtrack by various artists. Should not be confused with real-world cybersecurity activities - Those are much more difficult.

I have more, but this alone has taken me an hour to write. Let me know your thoughts.

Definitely been meaning to check out FAItH, and I've heard of Gone Home. If I remember what I saw in the trailer correctly, it sorta reminds me of that Edith Finch game.

As for that Plague game....do I get to actually be a plague doctor??????

[idontknowhowtodoor]

Alright, here's what I've got for "emotional and maybe violent" games. All these are available on steam (or at least, used to be.)

Alan Wake - Play as an analog for Stephen King in a town that may or may not be cursed while you fight possessed townsfolk and search for your missing wife. More focused on the story than the action, but it's a pretty game, at least. Ignore the sequel. Remake coming...Eventually?

Bioshock Infinite - I'm certain you've already played this, I don't even know why I'm putting it on this list.

Carrion - Play as a flesh monster escaping from a secret underground lab. Consume humans for fun and to regain health and grow larger. Consume lab samples to gain new abilities. Metroid-style navigation that blocks off parts of the game until you have the requisite abilities. Light on the story, but big on horror violence. Published by Devolver Digital (so you know it's good).

Cry of Fear - Play as Simon, a student that's just trying to get home and survive the horror his town has turned into. Has a deeper meaning once you beat the game and get the whole story, but I never beat it, and can no longer run it. This game is older than my computer. Also has an additional DLC(?) called Afraid of Monsters, with co-op functionality.

Darkest Dungeon - Acclaimed dungeoncrawler turn-based strategy where you hire and control a team of "heroes" (aka mercenaries) to clear your late ancestor's estate from several different flavors of eldritch horrors leftover from his gruesome experimentation. Stellar voice acting by Wayne June. Make sure to pick up all the DLCs and the soundtrack! I'm annoyed that a bug won't let me play this anymore, but glad I at least got to beat it, first. Sequel available on EPIC Games, to be released on Steam...Eventually...

Dead Space 1 & 2 - You've already heard about it, so I don't need to tell you these games are violent as hell, with a pretty good story, actually. I'm not including the 3rd game or the 2023 remake because I haven't played them.

DEFCON - Real-time strategy inspired by 1980s cold war movies. Take control of one or more nation's nuclear arsenal and lay waste to your enemies before they scour you from existence. Emotional in a meta way - Actual studied have been done on this game and it's effect on people.

Doki Doki Literature Club - Don't let it's saccharine facade fool you, this game is an emotional roller-coaster with themes of existentialism. Still has an active fanbase, apparently, and it's free to play! The ending credits song is pretty good, too. May contain brief moments of poetry.

DUSK - One of the granddaddies of the Boomer Shooter Revival of the 2020s. Play as a nameless protagonist labeled DUSK Dude as you run and gun your way through 30-odd levels of blood-soaked rural Pennsylvania and beyond. Multiplayer is possible, but good luck finding any public games. Published by New Blood.

Duskers - Roomba-powered survival-exploration-real-time-strategy game where you control a number of drones to explore abandoned spaceships. Search the wrecks for resources to keep yourself and your drones alive and uncorrupted data to try and glean some information as to why you seem to be the last person in the universe. Oh...And watch out for the...Anomalies.

FAItH: The Unholy Trinity - Critically-acclaimed Atari-style horror game trilogy finally released in its entirety. Play as a priest in 1987 Connecticut as you set out to finish what you started a year ago, and gradually find yourself drawn into all the evil of the Satanic Panic. Published by New Blood.

Farcry 3 - Play as a college yuppie kidnapped by pirates on an island, rescued by the islanders, and use all the guns and drugs you can find to rescue your friends. Liberate the island one fort at a time, and uncover the secrets that have lain dormant within the jungle - And within yourself.

Gone Home - Relaxing walking simulator where you play as a college student just returned home, searching her parents' abandoned home for your sister. Fill in the story bit by bit through finding old documents and having brief auditory flashbacks. A story about growing up and discovering one's self. I haven't played this in a few years so this summary is just from memory. I intend to play it again soon.

Hotline Miami 1 & 2 - Top-down arcade-style massacre simulator. Play as a nameless person taking orders from mysterious voicemails and murdering buildings full of Russian mobsters while wearing animal masks. Sequel adds more of the same, but this time with an actual story, additional characters, and an included comic book. Amazing soundtrack. Published by Devolver Digital.

Inscryption - Meta card-based strategy game. Uncover the secrets behind a mysterious floppy disk found in the woods. Don't want to spoil anything, but it's about 3x bigger than it initially appears. Created by Daniel Mullens. Great for people who enjoy tabletop games. Fantastic ambiance. Don't google it or you'll spoil the whole game.

Killing Floor 2 - Great game, but I'm bitter that I can't run it on my computer anymore, so I won't spend too much time writing about it. So-op first-person wave-based-shooter. Ruthlessly French, at times.

Lakeview Valley - Serial killer simulator where you try to get away scot-free with murdering a whole goddamn town full of people. I got a bad ending, last time I played, and I was too bitter to go back and try for a better one. Can be pretty thrilling, trying to get away with each and every kill. Alternately, you could not murder anyone and just be a good neighbor. Whatever.

Manhunt - Extremely contentious and often banned stealth-'em-up murder game. Play as an "exonerated" death row inmate and earn your freedom as a snuff film star by murdering every single goddamn person you come across in one of 3 increasingly gruesome ways per weapon. Gunplay is a little...Crap. Personally, I prefer the sequel, but you can only get Manhunt 2 on Wii, and all the executions are "censored." Manhunt 1 on Steam is good to go, though (aside from an easily fixed bug in the first level.) Very violent. Story's alright. Published by Rockstar back when they had some balls.

Mother Russia Bleeds - Krokodil-fueled sidescrolling beat-'em-up that takes place during the Russian Revolution (I don't know which one). Gameplay is...Alright. Probably best played with a controller, and very violent. Co-op multiplayer is couch-style ONLY, so don't expect to get any help from your online friends list. Published by Devolver Digital. Reviewed by Boris.

Omen Exitio: Plague - Text-based visual(?) novel that puts you into the shoes of an 18th(?) century doctor on his adventures as he investigates a mysterious disease cropping up around the world, as well as the cult that seems to be after him. Lovecraftian themes, and surprisingly enjoyable. I recommend you Min/Max whatever stats you pick. There's been a free DLC released, but I haven't played it. Has its emotional parts; I wouldn't mind having this as a regular book.

Postal 2 - Play as a perfectly sane and normal Dude in Paradise, Arizona as he goes about his chores throughout the course of a week. First-person shooter (or not, if you're a tryhard) that never takes itself seriously in the slightest. Peak mid-2000s "deliberately offensive" humor. Includes free "Apocalypse Weekend" DLC. Developers recommend players skip Postal 3 and go straight to Postal 4, for a sequel (neither of which have I played, unfortunately).

Project Zomboid - Arguably the best and more realistic zombie apocalypse game in existence at present. Play as...Well, whoever you want, trying (you will fail) to survive the zombie apocalypse. There is no mystery, there is no story, there is no escape. This is how you die. The only thing that matters is how long that takes and how many Steam Workshop mods you can run at once without breaking the game entirely. Build 42 to be released soon!

Prototype - Play as Alex Mercer, a dude who doesn't remember shit about shit but has woken up with some gnarly shapeshifting superpowers at the beginning of a massive biological outbreak. Use your powers to stealth and murder your way toward understanding the truth as to what's going on and what happened to you. Gain additional tidbits of lore by literally eating people's brains. Fun and tasty! 1 or 2 sequels released, but I haven't played them.

The Forest - Canadian wilderness survival simulator. Survive a plane crash and get repeatedly assaulted by the roving bands of cave-dwelling cannibals and their monstrous allies. Search for your son and uncover the truth as to the horrors that took place on the peninsula. Sequel to be released soon!

The Miskatonic - Cute little visual novel inspired by the works of H.P. Lovecraft. Not violent at all, but deals massive emotional damage when you learn that the creator has severed all ties with the project and any hope of a sequel. Contains brief female nudity and some written innuendo. I think I used to follow this developer on DeviantArt?

The Walking Dead Season 1 & 2 - Story-driven game that takes place in the universe of but is separate from the story of the titular show and graphic novel. Face the trials and tribulations that come with the collapse of civilization during the zombie apocalypse, and adopt (and later play as) a kid as you try to keep her and yourself alive. Decisions have lasting effects that extend even between games. Can get very emotional, at times.

ULTRAKILL - Classic blood-soaked boomer shooter that is still being worked on today! Play as a robot designated V1 in a world where humanity is dead, blood is fuel, and Hell is full. Delve through an interpretation of Dante's Inferno on a mission to quench your insatiable thirst for blood from all the sinners residing there. Extremely creative level design, addictive gameplay, and the community is full of femboys? extremely active, even so far as one of the voice actors regularly engaging with streams and memes in character! Story is there, but not super important, if it doesn't matter to you. Max0r has done 2 videos so far reviewing the game, much to the delight of the community. Published by New Blood.

That's all I got, for now. I can make more recommendations, if you're looking for other specific kinda of games, but I'm limited by what I own and can play.

GGRR GRRR BITE BITE YES YES YES

[peeyots]

2023年に買ったボードゲームのまとめ

（記憶が正しければ、）2023年に届いたものが対象。ミニ拡張は除く。

Twilight Struggle: Red Sea - Conflict in the Horn of Africa 7.5: 居合のようなタイム感にアレンジされたTwilight Struggle。クーデターはできるけど、その前のカードガチャでしくるとDEFCON 1下げになるというエチオピア＆ソマリアのFlashpointが緊張感を作っている。どう転んでも、比較的短期間で勝負がつくので、良くも悪くも本家のような湿った悔しさは生まれない。

ルナックの失われし遺跡:調査隊長 日本語版 (Lost Ruins of Arnak: Expedition Leaders) 未プレイ

ドミニオン：略奪 日本語版 (Dominion: Plunder) 7.0: 半ば意地になって拡張を買っているような。最近は新しい拡張が出るとアプリでも買っており、そこでカードをなんとなく覚え、なんとなくプレイしている習慣となっております。戦利品ガチャ+特性（サプライの特定のカード山に効果を与えるやつ）はここのところの似たり寄ったりの拡張の中では新鮮さのある方。

ロフォーテン 日本語版 (Lofoten) 4.5: 2人専用ゲーム。バイキング船をカードプレイで移動＆回転させて、物資を場から自分のストレージにピック＆デリバリー。複数あるセットコレクションのスコアリング条件で優勢を決める。手なりで進みそうなゲームだと思ったら、まったくその通り。Pearl Gamesの遺作だとすると悲しいな。レコード会社との契約で出さざるを得ない、不仲で解散したバンドのラストアルバムの雰囲気！

ドミニオン：繁栄 第二版 日本語版 (Dominion: Prosperity Second Edition) 評価保留: 新カード何枚か入れて遊んだんだけど（もちろんアプリで！）、全然覚えてません。

エクスペディションズ (Expeditions) 7.0: Scytheの世界観で遊ぶ劣化版コンコルディア、という印象。Scytheの目標早取りルールもそのまま踏襲しているので、ゴチャゴチャしてるけと案外ルールの入りは良い。Scytheのガチガチすぎるプレイングと比較すると、カードでふわっとしているこちらのほうが最近の自分の好みかもしれない。

キューボサウルス 日本語版 (Cubosaurs) 5.5: カード押し付けも可能なドラフト&セットコレクション。ゲーム中に1度か2度だけ痺れるような場面がやってくるが、それ以外の時間は手なり of 手なり。それをじっと待つゲーム。

ダーウィンズ・ジャーニー コレクターズエディション (Darwin's Journey Collector's Edition) 7.5: ルチアーニらしい、PvE味の強い（＝プレイヤーに攻略したいと思わせる）ゲーム。徐々にアクションエリアが開いていくところは好き。なんとかテーマは乗っているので、ルチアーニにしてはルールの入りも良い。

蒸気の時代DX 拡張マップパックVol.2 (Age of Steam: Expansion Volume II) 未プレイ： 蹴っていたのを忘れてた。IVは終了するまでプロジェクトをやっていたことすら知らなかったのに！

蒸気の時代DX 拡張マップパックVol.3 (Age of Steam: Expansion Volume III) 未プレイ

蒸気の時代DX フランス/ポーランドマップ (Age of Steam: France / Poland) 未プレイ

ワイマール：民主主義の戦い 日本語版 (Weimar: The Fight for Democracy) 7.5: ユーロゲームのドイツ人作家がこの題材を選んで、4人のプレイヤーを8時間とか拘束させる＆こんなニッチなものをホビージャパンがカッチリ日本語版を出したということだけで100点！ ほとんどの時間で与党だった自分は、ただただ面倒な仕事に追われるだけで、脳汁の出る瞬間などなかったけど、後半にかけて、そろそろ自分も連立さんみたいに得点が欲しいな！と欲が出て外交仕事をやりやじめたら、「やーい、弱腰～！」と、国内で急進右翼がブイブイいわせはじめて、5R最終ターンに国がぶっ壊れました。このバランスはシリアスゲーム的でもあり、メッセージ性が強い！

チャレンジャーズ！ 日本語版 (Challengers!) 8.0: オートチェスのボードゲーム化が完成。しかもTCGトーナメントのごっこ遊びで。インストコストの安さも正義。ギャラクシートラッカーもそうだけど、他人と一緒に答え合わせをあーだこーだ言いながら眺めるのは単純に楽しい。

チャレンジャーズ！ ビーチカップ 日本語版 (Challengers!: Beach Cup) 7.5: 味変したいのはよくわかるが、途中あれこれ人間さまが判断して手を加えたら、それはオートチェスではない。

Evacuation 7.5: あれこれ持ってきている個々のメカニクスに特に新鮮味はないんだけど、太陽系死ぬわ～のお引越しテーマが上手く乗っているのがすばらしい。汽車系の読み取りが難しい類のものではなく、プレイヤーボード上での旧世界/新世界という二元のロジスティクスなので、なんとかコントロールしきれるバランスなのもちょうど良いという感じ。中重量級。

アルナックの失われし遺跡：消えた調査隊 (Lost Ruins of Arnak: The Missing Expedition) 未プレイ

テラミスティカ：革新の時代　日本語版 (Age of Innovation) 未プレイ

パパヨー (Papayoo) 6.5: 入手性が悪く安いゲームということで、海外旅行のお土産に手配いただきました。誰かが盛大に死ぬゲームって楽しいですよね。自分でなければ。

グレート・ウエスタン・トレイル 拡張 北部への道 第2版 (Great Western Trail: Second Edition – Rails To The North) 未プレイ: たまたま見かけて「あらいいですね」と思わず買ってしまった。ニュージーランドを遊んだあとに、これ、遊ぶかなぁ……

インペリアルマイナーズ 日本語版 (Imperial Miners) 6.0: マウンテンキングの資源の湧き方のところだけを借りてきたようなタブロービルド。ルールを読んで想像した以上の面白さはないが、後半きれいに組み上げたコンボルートがワークしている姿を見れば、ゲーマーはニンマリしてしまう。

Orleans: The Plague 未プレイ

カスカディア 拡張：ランドマーク 日本語版 (Cascadia: Landmarks) 未プレイ

マッチオ��ザセンチュリー 日本語版 (Match of the Century) 7.0: カードドリブンの超シンプルな切り取り。駆け上がるべき階段の一段目として持ち出して様子を見てみよう！ ゲームとしては、しゃがみ力が非常に問われる。しゃがむための準備（＝ハンドマネジメント）とタイミング。初プレイでは、パワー5のカードを開いてプレビューしたほうが良いと思う。

今年初めて遊んだゲームベスト5

1位 チャレンジャーズ

2位 マラカイボ

だいぶ詰んでいたブツを売却前に遊んでみるかとやってみたら、これが思いの外楽しい…… 出版社との契約でリリースしたベストアルバムみたいなこんなゲームでキャッキャしてしまい、自分の意識の低さが恥ずかしい！ 後述のGWT: アルゼンチンの方向性が最近の自分の好みになっているので、プレイした時期も良かったと思っております。

3位 ワイマール：民主主義の戦い

4位 サビカ

2020年代のロンデルのあり方！ 三重ロンデルの移動ルールとリソースの所持上限の厳しい設定のおかげで、プレイ順の計画が非常に悩ましい。ミスっても、いまどきのヘビーゲームっぽく、得点ルートがわんさかあるのでなんとかなりそうな雰囲気なんだけど、やはりベストで打てないとライバルには勝てねえ。騙されちゃダメ！ そーいや、Bitoku遊んでねえ。

5位 グレート・ウエスタン・トレイル：アルゼンチン

はいはい、きみらこんなん好きっショ！という感じで、その商売っ気にちょっとイラついたりもするのですが、こんな全部乗せ、配膳されたらバクバク食っちゃいますよね。競技性高めのアルゼンチンよりも、カードのあれこれで、新しくできるようになることを段積みしてもてなしてくれるこっちのほうが断然好き。あと、あんな風におじさんを拉致したくない！

総括

去年からの傾向がさらに加速。可処分時間のやりくりでボードゲームを遊ぶ機会が減っていくと、他の方からも段々と声が掛からなくなってくる&自分であれこれをオーガナイズするモチベーションにもなく、更に遊ばなくなっていくスパイラル。

「ピーさん、まだボードゲーム遊んでるんですか？ｗｗｗ」とか訊かれました。

家族の立ち退き運動が激化して、ボードゲームを150個くらい売却しました。それでも、棚にちょっとでもスペースが空くと、息を吸うようにまた買ってしまう。また溢れた。

自分で好んで買ってるヘビーゲームのルール（おおよそ英語）を読み込む手間にイライラしはじめて、「自分、狂人なのでは？ いや、ヘビーゲーマー全体が！？」と思い始めました。

ボードゲーム遊びましょう！（行けたら行く）

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 214

@0dd10ut, you just keep on trucking... this time next week, you’ll be caught up!

Thanks for this chapter go to @baelpenrose for your awesome beta-y skills, @charlylimph-blog for letting me create a character that is only half as chaotic good as you actually are, and @mustachebatschaos for Ix’al, Brol, and Teeth (who doesn’t appear here but is the only reason we have pirates).

In the interest of something that vaguely resembled ‘plausible deniability’ - if you tilted your head, hummed the right tune, and squinted really hard - it was decided that Charly would contact Ix’al and Brol separately from the meeting with the Council.  Instead, we wrapped up any business that would have come up during our next scheduled session, with a goal to cancel it since maybe one of us had actually intended to be a lifelong bureaucrat, and even Xio had better uses of her time.

“I do not understand why the food vendors are perfectly comfortable with using meat from the consoles,” Hannah sighed in a rare show of frustration, “but strenuously object to using vegetables from the same source.”

I stared at her, but Tyche beat me to the punch. “The texture is abhorrent. Everything feels like it was boiled or steamed.”

“But if you fry or sear it - “

My databand went off, and I scrambled away from the entirely unnecessary but passionate discussion. It was a message from Charly. “I need to contact the S’crirs, but I’m too stimulated to do it.  Can you swing blocking a low-stim room off for me to use for official business?”

Morally, I wanted to say no.  The low-stim rooms were specifically first come first serve, because pretty much everyone needed them all the time.  However, it was - for better or for worse - the first time Charly had ever asked me for anything that specifically involved using my authority to make an exception.  Biting my lip, I pulled up the booking schedule. Very carefully, I started sending requests to reschedule people from one of the Green rooms to other available ones, or to postpone until later in some cases. I sent them off with the highest alert priority I could justify without Xiomara being alerted, and mentally apologized to Alice, Pranav, and Derek for abuse of my authority.

I could hear Pranav’s future complaint now: ‘This is exactly why we don’t like letting users set their own priorities! You all manage to figure out how to send everything with the status of OMGWTFBBQ Defcon Four and hope it doesn’t end up on some distant Siberian server where the men are men and the sheep are nervous!’

Thirty minutes and chapped lip later from chewing on it, I had one of the Green rooms clear for four hours.  I sent her the update and started plotting what I would give to make amends.

Five minutes after that, I was outside the room, waiting for the current session to wrap up.

“It shouldn’t take four hours,” a weary voice groaned from behind me.  Sure enough, there was Charly, ensconced in an oversized hoodie, lounge pants that I was pretty sure had to be custom made, and thick socks turned inside out so that the seams were visible at the toe.

“Consider it a treat,” I offered. “Since this is really asking a lot of you.  Are you sure you don’t want Arthur - “

A sleeve-coated hand flew up to cover my mouth. “I would very much like to get out of this without a criminal record, impending death, or our shiny new planet turned to debris, thank you.”

I raised an eyebrow until she removed the hand. “I don’t think the negotiations would go that badly.”

“Ix’al’s species is extremely bellicose. Turn Arthur Farro loose with that and no adult supervision?”

“He’s older than I am, and I am older than you,” I pointed out.

Sleeves parted to gesture at the corridor. “And do you see him here?”

Dammit. “Okay, fair.” Truth be told, the only two people I had seen boss Arthur around without his being willing were Xiomara and Nixe. One of those had involved a knife and stitches, and it wasn’t the Mer-Royalty for damned sure.

We made a point to be across the corridor and ten steps from the door when the current person exited; it was an unspoken but very firmly followed rule that no one hovered around the doors of the quiet rooms, no one looked at who entered or left, and no one approached anyone leaving.

Charly pushed off the wall and trundled into the quiet room. Without pause, she made a beeline for the hammock that was slung between two trailing string-of-pearls plants and flopped across it.  After a moment, she brought one foot up, removed the sock, and dangled the foot back down at an angle where her toes were trailing in the nearby fountain. Two wriggles later, she seemed set.

In contrast, I waited for her to get comfortable and retired to the corner to the left of the door, dropping onto the bean bag with one foot tucked under me and the other just sticking out.

Faintly, I could hear a strong alto voice coming from Charly’s direction.  Her datapad was open, and she had some sort of voice filter over Ix’al that brought the tones down into the vicinity of non-threatening. “I did not expect such a fast response.”

“I know your species isn’t very patient,” Charly answered softly. “But humans… we’re so warlike that we had to institute rules. It’s a problem. And we don’t have a peaceful solution to what you told us.”

“Brol and myself have - “

“Not against you,” Charly interrupted. “We spoke to Miys, and we spoke to another species we believed would petition on our behalf.  We can restrict what the Eko-mari do, but we can’t find grounds to keep them from patrolling around Von.  Not without drastic measures.”

“I take it these measures are not considered legal?”

“Didn’t look at the law, don’t care, and you’ll notice Xiomara isn’t on the line so I don’t have to know.” I had never heard Charly sound so tired, not even when Derek had accidentally kept her awake for ten days on end during a prank war. “But I’m pretty sure what I’m about to ask is going to break a lot of Terran laws, so close enough.”

“Please allow me to summon Brol.”  Without waiting for a response, the line went silent except for the sound of deep water bubbling.  It matched the room in a very odd but soothing way.

After several minutes, the bubbles stopped. “Charly Harper, I have returned with Brol.”

“Thank you. I have Sophia Reid with me, as witness.” When I heard this, I quirked an eyebrow again, but Charly waved me down. “Sophia has designated herself as both my heart-sister and Teeth’s aunt by proxy.”

“This Sophia is the one who supported speaking with our crew?”

“The same, yes. I would have no other heart sister.”

More bubbling. “We approve your witness. Proceed.”

“The Terran Council has not been able to determine sufficient legal cause to petition the Galactic Council to deny the Eko-mari patrol request. Which sucks, because we have a damned good petitioner.” Charly took a deep breath and charged ahead, full steam. “Instead, we want to create environmental cause for the sector to be too dangerous for patrol.  Dangerous enough that it would potentially deter pirate or poacher attacks on Von.”

“For that you - “

“We would need a micro-singularity field.”

Bubbling, followed by a mellow tenor. Brol, I assumed. “Creating micro-singularities is a work that requires planetary-level resources.”

A shiver ran down my spine at the flat tone in my friend’s reply. “Faking them does not. Dump antimatter into the Eko-mari core, plot a jump, and let the ship handle the rest.”

Icy silence filled the room, and I could vaguely hear my heart break from wishing that Arthur was having this conversation instead.  Charly could be ruthless, but didn’t have the level of pragmatism that he did in cases like this.

Ix’al, however, very much did. “Are you requesting that we keep the Eko-mari alive?”

Finally, I launched myself across the room and made a mental note to get treated for my sprained foot later. “Some of them, none of them, we don’t care. We need to convince the Gee Cee,” I cried.

“One, barely alive?” Brol suggested.

Charly shook her head, tears rolling down her face. Ix’al’s voice was the one that signed the sentence, however.

“No. Bodies only, if we can’t secure them all. No survivors. No witnesses. No one could contradict the story.”

“That’s genocide,” I whispered hoarsely.

Again, Charly reacted, this time by shaking her head, but Ix’al was the one who spoke, with a harsh, wet laugh. “Hardly.  The winged idiots are everywhere.  Destroying the Terrans, preventing you from educating yourselves, that would be genocide.  Blowing up the Ark would be.  This is five ships full of morons who signed up to be the bullets of whatever gun the Galactic Council points at people.”

“But there could be conscripts…” I tried.

A dull, muffled pop sounded, followed by much scolding and the sound of running water. “Brol! Recuse yourself!” A wet sloshing followed before Ix’al regained her composure. “The Eko-mari do not conscript, they find it beneath them.  Their pride as a species is invested in the size of their volunteer army and their populace.  I value your heart, Sophia Reid.  My human daughter will do well to learn even a tenth of it, and I can see why Charly Harper values you so.  But the Eko-mari are volunteer soldiers, who signed up in hopes of the glory of death in service to the Galaxy, either in war or in other service.  They do not hope to die of old age.”

“Charly, we will contact you directly with a rough timeline of our plan, only so that your Miys may remain unharmed.”

The signal cut out after a handful of seconds of trickling water. Charly was limp, eyes staring at the ceiling while tears poured down her face towards her hairline. “Brol was pissed,” she muttered. “I hope he’s okay.”

“Is Ix’al going to hurt him?” I asked, unsure where to vent my overwhelming worry.

Just barely, she lifted her head and rolled her eyes to look at me like I was stupid. Dropping her head again, she rolled it side to side. “Sophia. That pop?”

“Yeah?”

“That was Brol punching through the bulkhead in anger. I’m hoping he didn’t break his hand.”

With horrifying realization, the trickling noise made sense.

<<Prev       Masterlist     Next>>

[bypassreality]

I bought a steam mop and I'm very impatiently waiting for it to be delivered and it SHOULD be here today but anything is possible and i NEED to mop before I have a defcon 1 woman moment

[sanjosenewshq]

Kanye West To Purchase Social Media Platform Parler After Kicked Off Twitter Instagram

The rapper previously generally known as Kanye West is providing to purchase right-wing pleasant social community Parler shortly after being booted off Twitter and Instagram for antisemitic posts. Parlement Applied sciences, which owns the platform, and West, legally generally known as Ye, stated the acquisition must be accomplished within the fourth quarter, however particulars like value weren’t revealed. Parlement Applied sciences stated the settlement contains the usage of personal cloud providers by way of Parlement’s personal cloud and knowledge heart infrastructure. Ye, was locked out of Twitter and Instagram per week in the past over antisemitic posts that the social networks stated violated their insurance policies. In a single publish on Twitter, Ye stated he would quickly go “dying con 3 on JEWISH PEOPLE,” based on web archive data, making an obvious reference to the U.S. protection readiness situation scale generally known as DEFCON. Kanye West, legally generally known as Ye, is providing to purchase right-wing pleasant social community Parler after being booted off of Twitter and Instagram. Evan Agostini by way of Evan Agostini/Invision/AP Ye isn’t any stranger to controversy, as soon as suggesting slavery was a selection and calling the COVID-19 vaccine “the mark of the beast.” Earlier this month, he was criticized for sporting a “White Lives Matter” T-shirt to his assortment at Paris Vogue Week. The potential buy of Parler would give Ye management of a social media platform and a brand new outlet for his opinions with no gatekeeper. “In a world the place conservative opinions are thought of to be controversial we’ve got to ensure we’ve got the precise to freely categorical ourselves,” Ye stated in a ready assertion. Parlement Applied sciences is happy to announce that it has entered into an settlement in precept for Ye, previously generally known as Kanye West, to amass the Parler platform. The acquisition ensures Parler a future function in creating an uncancelable ecosystem the place all voices are welcome. pic.twitter.com/KXdhV71prl — Parler (@parler_app) October 17, 2022 The acquisition may additionally breathe new life into Parler, which has struggled amid competitors from different conservative-friendly platforms like Fact Social. Parler, which launched in August 2018, didn’t begin selecting up steam till 2020. However it was kicked offline following the Jan. 6, 2021 assault on the U.S. Capitol. A month after the assault, Parler introduced a relaunch. It returned to Google Play final month. “This deal will change the world, and alter the best way the world thinks about free speech,” Parlement Applied sciences CEO George Farmer stated in a ready assertion. Originally published at San Jose News HQ

[defcon-leppard]

had me for a split sec, there bud, too bad you got angry that I was willing to rebuy my games....

ignoring my brief brainfart when it came to words, they actually beat me to the punch on blocking. Scammers hate smart people. Stay safe loves.

Also I’ve been told I’d have been notified by Steam it had been true and given a chance to contest the report. But you know how I know it’s bullshit? I went and added my phone number as another form of verification right afterwards and it worked fine.

Now for context, the ‘user’ was a former server moot that I’m pretty sure was hacked because we barely spoke even as moots. Otherwise my DMs on Discord are CLOSED. I don’t often get friend requests, or accept any from people who’ve been in my servers less than a few minutes.

[sgnolivia]

hi baby, i’m bastard

@avjabberwock

meditating easily tops the five-things-that-i-suck-at list but it’s migrating down. when she first started, it was rocksteady in first place. it’s fallen to third now, after making eye contact and eating anything that isn’t rice and steamed vegetables. 

she’s not sure she’s doing it right since her brain is either blasting it’s alarm at defcon two or doing it’s best impression of a hallowed out marshmallow, but. it’s the attempt that counts. maybe one day she’ll be good. maybe her brain will relax into defcon four. anything’s possible. 

her hearing aid’s sit on the ground in front of her, being useless and blocking out absolutely nothing. 

the first thing she hears are the steady footfalls coming out of the building. next is the heart rate, the breathing pattern. once she increases her smell she’s sure it’s him. olivia frowns but doesn’t open her eyes. 

“was there an emotional support clown at lunch?” 

[tf2emporium]

New Payload Map, Phoenix! Vote now on Steam Workshop This item was created by: Diva Dan (https://steamcommunity.com/id/divadan) Defcon (https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198079458315)

[new-poets-society]

Loud Is My Mind

Loud is my mind

Not with voices like the schizophrenic, Nor with the voice of God like the blessed, Even though I do wish it.

Instead the fields of my mind Are filled with mines That take the place of the thoughts That I wish were not mine.

And it seems as they blast away at my sanity, I cling fast to vanity, And lose my faith in humanity. Have you ever experienced insanity?

It’s a never-ending cycle of doing what you do, Expecting something new That never comes to you. Until eventually you’re through.

You become through with life, You wish to end all your strife, And you look to your knife. And you think about the afterlife.

I know not mine.  And once again loud is my mind.

I hear it scream. It screams for my mind to be clean, And to blow off some steam. But things are never what they seem.

For every good thought there’s a bad one, And their screams are never done. Playing with anxiety like it’s fun, Until it has finally won. And I never again see the sun.

But there’s nowhere to run.

The labyrinth that is the mind, Is worse when one travels mine. Where angels and demons intertwine, Back through the memories long before grade nine.

I say again “loud is my mind”

For only God knows the extent of my disparity, And what I need is his charity, To push back this insanity, Before I lose all touch with humanity.

And as my head pounds so hard I could scream, I can see everyone put up a screen, Because what’s terrifying is now me, And not even I knew I’d be so mean.

What I am is a vessel. Inside violence nestles. And as I boil up like a kettle, It becomes time to test my mettle.

And higher goes my threat level.

Defcon 4 There’s room for more, And one can even take a tour, But only catch a glimpse of what’s in store.

Defcon 3 One starts to see, The damage that was done to me, By the monster that is insanity.

Defcon 2 I can no longer see through, What is fake and what is true. And hiding may be best for you.

Defcon 1 The demons have finally won. It’s best for you to run, Else your life may soon be done…

Why does no one run?

Demons hide inside, Waiting to strike with pride, Those who do not take the stride, To escape the one who has not yet cried.

Still louder and louder is my mind.

Is there no one else of my kind? One who wraps themselves in a bind, With nothing but a labyrinthian mind? It seems such has been to me declined.

Will I ever silence my mind?

It seems rather thoughts of fires, Fill my desires. I start to tire, But these demons will never retire.

My mind is now screaming.

It’s so loud that it’s leaking, Right into my speaking, My seeing, My hearing.

It’s just a fire burning inside, And there’s no where left to hide. If I don’t fix it I fear I soon may die…

[dash7765]

Loud is My Mind

Loud is my mind Not with voices like the schizophrenic, Nor with the voice of God like the blessed, Even though I do wish it. Instead the fields of my mind Are filled with mines That take the place of the thoughts That I wish were not mine. And it seems as they blast away at my sanity, I cling fast to vanity, And lose my faith in humanity. Have you ever experienced insanity? It's a never-ending cycle of doing what you do, Expecting something new That never comes to you. Until eventually you're through. You become through with life, You wish to end all your strife, And you look to your knife. And you think about the afterlife. I know not mine.  And once again loud is my mind. I hear it scream. It screams for my mind to be clean, And to blow off some steam. But things are never what they seem. For every good thought there's a bad one, And their screams are never done. Playing with anxiety like it's fun, Until it has finally won. And I never again see the sun. But there's nowhere to run. The labyrinth that is the mind, Is worse when one travels mine. Where angels and demons intertwine, Back through the memories long before grade nine. I say again "loud is my mind" For only God knows the extent of my disparity, And what I need is his charity, To push back this insanity, Before I lose all touch with humanity. And as my head pounds so hard I could scream, I can see everyone put up a screen, Because what's terrifying is now me, And not even I knew I'd be so mean. What I am is a vessel. Inside violence nestles. And as I boil up like a kettle, It becomes time to test my mettle. And higher goes my threat level. Defcon 4 There's room for more, And one can even take a tour, But only catch a glimpse of what's in store. Defcon 3 One starts to see, The damage that was done to me, By the monster that is insanity. Defcon 2 I can no longer see through, What is fake and what is true. And hiding may be best for you. Defcon 1 The demons have finally won. It's best for you to run, Else your life may soon be done... Why does no one run? Demons hide inside, Waiting to strike with pride, Those who do not take the stride, To escape the one who has not yet cried. Still louder and louder is my mind. Is there no one else of my kind? One who wraps themselves in a bind, With nothing but a labyrinthian mind? It seems such has been to me declined. Will I ever silence my mind? It seems rather thoughts of fires, Fill my desires. I start to tire, But these demons will never retire. My mind is now screaming. It's so loud that it's leaking, Right into my speaking, My seeing, My hearing. It's just a fire burning inside, And there's no where left to hide. If I don't fix it I fear I soon may die...

[captainkirkmccoy]

In San Francisco, about a mile out from Starfleet there was a hill. It was almost like every other hill in San Francisco, except that this one was particularly twisty and particularly private (which is a certain Starship Captain and Chief Medical Officer bought up once dilapidated Victorian and redid it, before filling it with more kids than the house knew what to do with--and probably what the Captain and Doctor knew what to do with also). On that same twisty hill, there happened to be a Victorian, one that was usually hidden by various plants and trees. (This offered even more privacy, and created, for the much-loved inhabitants, a closed in happy chaos) In that once dilapidated, long suffering Victorian, was a Jim. But not just any Jim but a very important Jim--to his friends and family and the long suffering Doctor in the long suffering Victorian, especially. But on the particular morning that was not quite Summer and no longer Spring, Jim was not the Jim that his husband and six children knew him as. Because something was wrong. Very wrong. "Holy fuck." Maddy said around a yawn, that might have been a quiet scream. "Dad's like, our age."

“Language,” Joanna said, but didn’t really mean it. Leonard McCoy, Bones to his husband, Papa to his kids, Doctor and exasperated spouse, stood between the threshold to his bedroom and the hallway, keeping his six children from seeing their dad-but-no-longer-the-dad-they-knew in nothing but his boxers on, the threadbare Starfleet shirt he stole back from Jo and mismatched socks. He had a headache from whatever he drank last night and a hatred for his past self--who turned down the offer to let the brood stay Scotty and Jaylah (who were roommates, nothing more, he'd assured Davie and Chrissy who kept making googly eyes at the pair). "Is Daddy going to be okay?" Abby said around a thumb--a habit that was usually saved for late night cuddles and the moments after loud noises. "Alrighty, who wants pancakes? Let's go make pancakes!" Jo, firstborn, miracle of miracles, swept Abby up, pulled on Maddy's shirt and nudged Davie's butt with her toes. Chrissy made a face, swinging under Jo's other arm and poked her head through Bones' unprotected side. "Whoaaaa," she said, as George, bleary eyed and stumbling dragged his little sister back. "Who the fuck are you?" Jim spit back. Fuck, it was going to be a long morning. ~*~

Fortunately, but probably unfortunately, this was not the first time the Kirk-McCoys had been at Defcon 1. They had a neat system in place, now, after years of baptism by fire, which led to planning by fire, and afterwards, much tweaking of emergency systems. Reinforcements were called in the form of their Bridge Family (Jo had explained once to her teacher that while she wasn't related to her Aunt Ny in the genetic way, she was a part of a large Bridge Family and so of course Auntie Ny could take her out of school, duh). The Bridge Family was just as disgruntled this morning--having had way to much to drink at their annual Bridge Family Dinner at Spock and Nyota's and Bones still didn't know how they all got home tonight but by the way the hover car is parked, he assumes Jo drove--and yet they still manage to stumble in, graciously accepting mugs of steaming coffee and in the case of Spock, green tea. Gray and Amanda arrive in the kids' War Room--also known as the Tent Room--just as Jim tries to make a break for it. The scuffle is heard throughout the house (Maddy has sequestered herself in the bathroom with a pile of books and her Comms becuase she gets stomach aches when she's nervous) and can hear through the radiators, the whole shouting match. She hasn't heard that many F-Bombs in one sentence since George let them watch an old Terran gang movie. "Just calm down, DAMMNIT." Her Papa screams. She can imagine his red forehead and the vein popping out and probably a million more grey hairs turning stark white, as Papa says they always do when Daddy does something stupid--which, also according to Papa, is all the time. "Fuck you, you fuck face. Where the fuck am I? I will fuck you up." "I'm guessing," she hears George from across the hall in the Tent room (most of the walls haven't been reinforced in the house so you can usually hear everything that doesn't happen in a bedroom, thank the gods). "That this is dad post-Tarsus." "Pre-Tarsus," Jo corrects. "He probably would have just stabbed us all with a a shoelace and left, if it was post." "WHAT?" Davie yells over the yelling downstiars, a cacophony of the voices of their Bridge Family. "Nothing, Davie Dave. Wanna play a game, I think we still have all the twister pieces in tact." George answers. "We can probably escape to my house," Amanda answers and Maddy wishes she weren't stuck in the bathroom so she could join them. "Sounds like a plan," Maddy can almost see her sister getting up and brushing herself off. "Through the window?"

Before she can get up, before she can ignore the way her stomach clenches painfully, she hears the window open. Hears the scuffle of feet over windowpane, the giggling of her younger siblings sneaking out of the house.

A knock. “Abs, you okay?”

Jo. Big sister to the rescue.

A loud bang downstairs reverberates up to the hallway. Maddy winces.

“I’m fine. Go ahead.”

“You’ll come find us when you’re ready?” Jo is talking over a series of raised voices, a cacophony of swear words and adult anxiety.

“Yep,” she gathers her hair up in a bun and settles back, stuck and feeling sorry for herself as Jo makes her way back to the tent room, over the window seat, out and down the trellises to join the rest of the Brood.

~*~

Two hours later, Maddy is staring at her lined ceiling, tracing the Enterprise’s shape with her eyes over and over, when a thump outside her door makes her bolt upright.

Situation one: It’s an intruder. Someone has incapacitated everyone downstairs and is on it’s way to come abduct her.

Situation two: It’s the Bridge Family wrestling her dad-turned-teenager as he makes his escape.

Situation three: Whoever turned Dad into a teenager has turned everyone else into a teenager and is coming to turn her into...an infant?

She has a huge Shakespeare’s collected works her dad found in a bookstore in Portland and a deadly swing that made her the star of her softball team before she quit.

She’s not expected him. But he’s not really expecting her either.

She swings and hits her dad, teenage version, smack in the face with Shakespeare’s tome.

“Holy shit, I’m so sorry.”

“Ah, fuck,” Her dad says, hands cupping his nose. He snorts and it actually sounds like a laugh. “Wow, that was a good hit.”

She’s handing him a scarf from her nightstand and maybe a pajama shirt or a band tee or something for his nose and now he’s laughing. And she’s laughing.

And she’s doubled over because how many times can you meet your dad when he’s your age?

Only in your life, Maddy Kirk-McCoy, only in your life.

When Jim (she can’t really think of him as dad anymore, it’s too weird) assures her it’s not broken, she doesn’t feel much better about hitting him. The way he wriggled his face and prodded at it gently spoke of experience. She’s heard about his reckless childhood, of Grandma’s long trips to the black and a step-dad who forgot that Uncle Sam and Jim existed most days. And that was before Tarsus. Paradigm shift, Dad once said about it.

“How’d you get away?” She thought Pop was going to sit on Jim until they figured out a way to fix this. Her Papa could be scary when she was worried, she thought teenage Jim didn’t have a chance.

“Ah, the Scottish dude? Scotty? Was supposed to be watching me and he’s kind of easy to sneak away from.”

Maddy knew this to be very true.

“Are you okay?” She asked, rubbing her arms.

“I guess. Are you? Did all the other stays abandon you?”

“Strays?”

“This is a home for like misfit kids or something, right? That’s why I’m here? Knew Frank would sell me out eventually.”

“What? No! Wait, no...no one told you?”

Jim’s head tilted to the side the way it did when Davie suggested breaking into their neighbor’s pool to go swimming at midnight or Chrissy announced that she decided to only talk in pig latin for a month. Her dad was in there somewhere, still. That was good.

“Um. Shit.” She expected a rebuke. None came. She remembered all the f-bombs from earlier.

She sighed. She needed to get out of the house. Jim grinned, like he was reading her mind. “Want to escape for a bit? I think I heard someone say the window was a good way out.”

****

End of Part one. Let me know if I should continue. This might get long!  

[yesicanbakethat-blog]

The Catcher in the Rye (bread)

Well, dear readers, I must first back date this post to March 15, 2019. This date is notable only for being two days before St. Patrick’s Day, a holiday to which I have no connection other than an annual tradition of making corned beef. I also have very little attachment to corned beef itself, but I do have a great affinity for what comes afterwards. And you all know what that is. Reubens. 

So I ask you, what better way to tempt the yeast gods than to tell my husband, henceforth known as Reuben Fan Numero Uno, “no, dear, don’t buy the rye bread this year... I’ll make it myself.” 

... 

Of course, this does require me to go somewhat out of order in the book that shall not be named, but after going to several different stores and finding them out of the malt extract required to make the direct next recipe (i.e. wheat bread), it seemed reasonable to skip on over to Recipe 2: Eastern European Rye Bread. 

To set the tone for this post, let me say this: I will attempt to make it shorter than the amount of time it took me to bake this bread, and provide many an illustrative photo to reduce your ennui. Did I review the recipe carefully before starting this recipe, friend? No, I did not. Did I realize that it would require two extra-long rises and the creation of a bread sling and subsequent incapacitation of my favorite kitchen towel? Surely, no. Things started innocently enough: 

What a lovely slurry! thought I, after painstakingly squishing (no better word exists) solid shortening into my yeast mixture. As the recipe directed, I did use a sturdy wooden spoon (exhibit A, above) and “energy” to stir, and I felt particularly clever that I had used our long-dormant coffee grinder to grind the caraway seeds (though to say that they fit the “finely ground” description would be a lie). 

Subsequently, after adding nearly double the recommended amount of extra flour and becoming progressively more panicked over the stickiness of the dough, I eventually produced what can only be deemed the stickiest dough ball this side of Ireland: 

It gave me very little pleasure to then discover, at 8pm, that this sucker would require an hour and a half of rise... 

And I felt even less pleasure to read the next paragraph, which of course called for an additional hour of rise. At approximately 10:30pm, I had managed to produce quite the speckled specimen: 

I was again feeling quite elated with my progress, until I noted that the directions for “rolling and shaping” were not quite in keeping with my attention span or mental capability at that late hour. In fact, they were so terribly murky that I found myself compelled to create a cipher: 

OK, now to make the rectangle. Simple enough. 

We are off to a good start. Instructions then call for a “tight roll” with seams that are “pinched and sealed.” Feeling bolstered by my excellent rectangle creation skills, I manage to pinch off a lovely roll (as it were): 

I fear it went downhill from there. The subsequent directions called for me to stand this roll on its end- did I mention this was a soft and sticky dough?- and plunge my fingers down into the loaf, burrowing and tucking as I go. This was an epic failure, but I was very zealous about the final part, which instructed me to again pinch to seal (seemed a good way to cover all manner of sins, and whatever mess I had just created). 

Dear Lord... 

Mind you, we are still on paragraph one of “shaping” instructions. I was to then take this atrocity, and with it somehow create “two triangles- it’s like making hospital coners on a bed.” I will be perfectly honest in saying that I had absolutely no godly idea how I might locate a piece of dough with which to create one triangle much less a hospital corner, and so came up with the following monstrosity: 

I was pleased to discover that the next direction was a vague dictive to “plump and shape” the loaf and place it seam-side down, meaning I could cover all my errors and make it into whatever I thought it ought to look like. Which was the following: 

It’s a bit of an embarrassment. But it was already 11:15, and I was ready to bake this sucker. Wait, what’s that? No baking yet?! More resting?!? Create a sling with my kitchen towel and hang it from a doorknob from 30 minutes?!?! Can do! 

Laugh if you must, but I do think that sling did something good for the shape: 

Reader, it is now midnight. I have a rye loaf that has been rocked to sleep in its own personal sling, and I am about to create the perfect steam bath for my little rye babe in my preheated oven. Despite following every ridiculous direction to the letter to this point, I did not follow the direction to use a heavy skillet or roasting pan to create my steam bath... because who wants to lift a roasting pan at midnight, I ask you!? So when I reached into the oven and poured the water into my Pyrex, I was in for yet another unpleasant (and significantly more dramatic) surprise: 

What have we here? you ask. Well, reader, that is my 375 degree oven with 100 pieces of shattered glass in it. Laws of physics and all that. 

So despite my painstaking attempts to shape, mold, and love my rye loaf, the poor dear ended up being squashed into the toaster oven for baking while I cleaned out the regular oven. Le sigh. 

End result? Highly satisfactory! If not slightly shorter than what was intended. I will not pretend that I do not notice the terrible hospital corner situation on the left side- this is really quite embarassing, and someday I will find an individual who can school me in how to hospital corner my deflated lips pinched bread roll in the proper fashion. 

But the most important part, the reason I had undertaken the rye adventure in the first place, did not seem to be at all dependent on whether the bread had been abused during the shaping process. I was able to impress Reuben Fan Numero Uno with the world’s most hard-fought sammy the following day: 

All told? 

Effort level: 10/10  Mess level: DEFCON 1, but only because I forgot about the laws of physics.  Taste: A+

Yes, I can bake that.