#Derp Ass Chicken

[thexer0projekt]

Finish Him! lol

GAME: Monster Hunter: World

PLATFORM: PC

[luminous-letters]

ruggie's on his way to get some food with his children and for his lazy ass employer

malleus walks like he plans on engaging small talk with the chickens

jack's walks looks so derp, it gives me life. he's the perfect balance of cute and cool

jamil smiles like he didn't kidnap us 😭😭

and epel, SO CUTE (he'd mug me and i'll gladly welcome it)

[twotonedechoes]

To better facilitate money based exchanges in RP (and because I'm fucking weird) I have taken it upon myself to formulate a workable exchange rate for Eorzean gil to the US dollar. I have several reasons for doing this. One, I've always just been interested in how game currency converts. Two, I find it difficult to talk values in-game, when our perception of it as players is so skewed. Three, I feel it gives a better grounding in the game world.

And so, relating to point two, as players, our view of the value of the gil is terribly skewed. Simply put, we are all the rich or super rich, buying magical, ridiculously expensive items that the average person would have no need or interest in. Maggie the baker doesn't need enchanted level 77 armor, so we can't realistically base how much money we have in relevance to the average citizen based on that. We need to look at common, everyday items and find a comparison point from which to work our exchange.

Following this base theory, I have settled upon the humble egg as my base comparison point. Chicken eggs being both widely available and used, as well as a fairly value stable item.

In the US, the average price of a dozen chicken eggs was $1.48, or roughly $0.12 per egg. This is our base USD value.

In Eorzea, a single chicken egg vends for 5g. Assuming no bulk discounts (since we indeed do not receive them), that makes the price for a dozen 60g.

From this, it seems that the gil is equivalent not to the dollar, but to the cent. Which makes a good deal of sense, being as that is also how the Japanese Yen functions.

But we're still looking at a value disparity. The US cent is worth more than twice the Eorzean gil. About 60% more, the exact amount is USD $1 = EOG 41.67. Which is a nice even number to work a table of comparison from.

100g = $0.40 1000g = $4 10,000g = $40 100,000g = $400 1,000,000g = $4000

(Please correct me if I derped on any of that math)

Assuming I didn't tho, we can very easily see that Eorzea is... dirt poor. Our fancy adventurer houses cost a poverty level year's wage for a small, and most Eorzeans cannot even begin to afford that. A large plot, at median 45 mil g, would cost $2,700,000. Quite a lot, but not an impossible amount.

Hopefully this is useful for your threads. Offering someone 10,000g to do a favor for you would be a fairly nice bit. Whereas 100g is basically worthless to anyone but the absolute most destitute.

Also keep in mind tho that while 100g is nothing to famed adventurers like us, that's 8 whole ass eggs to the average person. So when an NPC gives you 376g for payment and says it's all they could scrap up... well now you have a basis of comparison for how sad that actually is.

[calpicowater]

Week 4/52: January 22nd - 28th 2019 | Foodtastic Week 

I ate pretty well this week. “Well” as in oops I ate so much actually lmao!! Plus I ate fire noodles twice o__o” jdhfajkdg I always eat it as a midnight snack which is sOoooooo healthy ~note the sarcasm~ !!!!! On Tuesday night after work, I went to eat Big G Chicken and Meetfresh with Betty & Wing. I was craving Meetfresh the night before so during the morning I asked Betty if she wanted to go after work X’D ! In the end we ate too much chicken to finish all the grass jelly >< derp... On Sunday, I saw Vicky for the first time in 5 weeks and we went downtown to eat Pokerrito (poke burritos) --- tbh I prefer poke bowls!!! Splash Poke in Edmonton was more enjoyable than this T^T... After eating, we went to drink Song Tea. I got their cheese cream peach drink and it was yum (normal sugar wasn’t even that sweet~ which I like)! The slush was too icy for my liking :-0 but their cheese cream was SOOOO yum even though they were greedy with it :p Anyway I probably won’t return because their customer service sucks ass plus the drinks were so expensive (my drink alone was $8.35 after tax wtf..... also the prices on the menu are lower than their actual prices which is ???? wtf lol what a SCAM)!!!!!!! Putting them on blast. I’M IN A MOOD OK!!! -_-

Food aside, this week was annoying as fuck. Last Monday, my mom’s friend recommended me to their friend who needs a 合伙人/店长 and recommended me wtf....... I’m obviously SUPER underqualified. Also, I am so sick and tired of being a bubble tea barista that I want OUT of the food court/food service career for good. But nooOoooo!!!!!! My parent basically forced me to meet with this person. Lol. I tried to tell them that I don’t WANT to but they don’t care about me or my opinions ever T___T my dad yelled at me and my mom continued to force me :))))) (ok I’ve already gone on a Rant on twitter so I’ll control myself from further elaborating) so okay I went to meet that person on Friday aka my day off and that person basically shot me down ~_~ (and roasted me for being poor which is ???? ok lol) but I also told them that this job isn’t suitable for me. Just so annoyed that I had to waste my time going there..... frigging DOWNTOWN on a super cold day. What the shit lol. I wish my parents cared about my feelings and opinions but nope. They don’t even treat me like a human being sometimes :^) and that pisses me off a lot!!!!! 

That whole situation made me so annoyed that I submitted a job application to a job that I would actually like to do on the same frigging day lol!!!! Felt productive and was in a good mood on Saturday because I finally got to work with Mia again but on Saturday my boss made me choose between working a lot of hours for them but not leaving the store vs. being able to leave and find a job that I like but getting my hours cut. Of course I chose the latter. Sigh. RIP $$$ !! ALSO TIME TO REALLY STOP PROCRASTINATING ON JOB HUNTING. For the sake of my mental health.... and possibly my financial state ;^; !!! 

[skzbinsual]

A.C.E ON THEIR WEDDING DAY

Kim Seyoon

He would be so in love with you, it's unreal, shedding tears at the sight of you and the mere thought that you would be together for the rest of your lives. At the reception party, he'd never leave your side; your first dance would consist of his hands on your waist and his face buried next to your neck, every so often kissing your ear, whispering how beautiful you were and how much he loves you. When you were eating, he'd have one hand on your leg, rubbing circles with his thumb. Walking around to meet guests with his hands intertwined with yours. You would both be too excited to sleep. So you'd leave your hotel room and go a cute fried chicken restaurant. He wanted to do the same things with you as he had always done and wanted it to stay that way.

Lee Donghun

He'd be quite giddy and so fucking happy. He'd laugh with joy seeing you in your dress for the first time, unable to conceal his immense joy, rubbing the back of his neck to calm himself down. The whole party, he'd be holding your hand and making you dance with him, he'd also be feeding you ALL the time, stuffing chocolate strawberries into your mouth. When it comes to your first dance, he'd be looking into your eyes the whole time, kissing your forehead at times. When you went to your hotel room, you'd be dancing together in your matching pyjamas and he'd kiss you lots and lots💯

Park Junhee

He'd be so so so cheeky, inappropriately smacking your ass when you'd go and greet people and see your family. But when it came down to the sentimental moments, like the slideshow of pictures of you both, he'd squeeze you tight and sit you on his knee so you'd be extra close to him, whispering how happy he was. In his speech he would get serious and talk about your ups and downs, maybe crying a little, who knows. Then he'd be hyper and make the DJ play Cactus and Callin' just so he could show off for you

Kang Yoochan

This emotional baby would cry seeing you walk down the isle, cry when you said your vows, cry when he said his vows. He'd just cry. He'd be so happy it was unreal. During your first dance, he'd dance with you stood on his toes, just so you were a little nearer for him to kiss your nose. When you were eating the dinner, he get everyone's attention and be stood up on stage, to serenade you. He'd sing All of Me by John Legend because he knew it was your favourite. His eyes would be on you the whole time, then he'd beckon you to come to the stage where he'd sing to you more. Hugging you tight when he'd finished.

Jason

This man omg, would be such a comedian but that's exactly why you married him. During his speech, he'd make constant jokes about you and tell embarrassing stories, some inappropriate, some ones that you never wanted to be told to another human being. Instead of making a cute slideshow of pictures, he'd use derp pictures of you, making you blush, causing him to pepper your pink face with kisses. He'd do that cliche thing, that when you'd cut the cake, he'd feed it to you but smear it all over your face, and if he was drunk, maybe a little in your hair. But, in the hotel room, all joking was aside, he'd sit on the balcony with you on his lap, helping you to take your dress, makeup and jewelry off. Telling you he loves you.

Omg I died writing this bbdhjksdkmfhk

[oh-my-otome]

Hi! How would you rank each character in DtL and what are the best and worst parts of each route?

Hello, Precious!

Takasugi is still my favorite…but side story Takasugi only. I don’t know this main route Takasugi dude. Main route Takasugi has all of the interest, appeal, and energy of the goth kids from South Park. No thank you. 

Side story Takasugi is an ass, just like main route Takasugi, but at least he gives a damn about what people think and does something other than sigh like all the air is leaking out of him, as if he were a balloon with a hole in it. Side story Takasugi has more energy, motivation, and romantic inclination, and doesn’t treat his MC like they have a dysfunctional friends with benefits arrangement.

The worst parts about his route are all of the tedious sighing, silence, and just acting like he’d rather be anywhere else. The only good part, for me, was him geeking out about things in the future, and he was kind of cute running to Kirisato and Okubo for help on the low.

My next favorites are Okita and Yamazaki, equally. Only Okita has a route, for now, though. He’s extremely gullible and naive, but he’s so earnest and willing to learn. He plays a lot of pranks, but he’s also hard-working and surprisingly thoughtful. The worst part about his route is nothing. He has only one route. The End.

As for Yamazaki, the worst thing about him is whatever that orange disaster is, that he’s wearing that he doesn’t have a route yet, and his birthday story POV is a waste of money. Other than that, he’s very sweet, kind, and super adorable. He’s also a giant freak, despite his innocent-looking face.

Sakamoto is next, for me. He can be a little thick understatement, but he’s got a good heart, and he’s dependable. I don’t remember really disliking much of anything in his route. I would have loved to see him travel to the future, though. If I had to change anything about his route, I would write that in. He loves Western things, and I think he would be fascinated by modern day Japan, seeing as he had a hand in changing the country just as much as the rest of the suitors.

Kondo comes after Sakamoto. The worst thing about him is that he would obviously destroy us all, if he were allowed to sin, but he had no route and his side stories are annoyingly chaste. How can you write in a hair fetish and go nowhere with it? Plus he’s just fine with stripping down to his skivvies, in public, more than once, and the most we got was his MC quietly checking him out? Noooooo!

Todo is next, but he’s the single most underused character in the game. Even worse than Kondo’s treatment. At least you see Kondo pop up in the background in various main stories. 

Hijikata and Okubo come after Todo. Only Hijikata has a route, right now. I prefer him in his side stories, because his route is kind of a bore. The worst part is when he just chickens out and goes along with Kyo’s stupid plan to break up with his MC, with no resistance. As for Okubo, he’s got the annoying trope of being super smart about most things, but being clueless about love. It’s not IkeSen Mitsunari levels of born sexy yesterday, though.

Keiki and Yuki would be my next picks. They’re basically the same, for me. Both very sweet and caring, they’re both kind and their kinds are like open secrets. Yuki doesn’t have a route, but the worst thing about Keiki’s is that his MC suddenly has a lobotomy halfway through and is a giant derp from then on.

Haru is next. I like him, but he can be a little overbearing sometimes. I’m picky about my yanderes.

Katsura, Kyo and Saito are last, for me. I think the worst thing about Kyo’s route was all of the MC’s forced clumsiness. It was out of place and didn’t make any sense. We also didn’t really get to learn much about Kyo and how he interacts with his MC, because the focus was mostly on the action, and there was little romance to be had that wasn’t immediately interrupted by the MC’s unnecessary Bella Swan interpretation.

As for Saito, his route is extra heavy on the snore fest. He’s a fine character on his own, but my goodness will his route put you to sleep. 

The same can be said for Katsura. I think he’s a very funny character, but that route! If you’re up late and can’t sleep, read any chapter of his route!

[iamtaekooked]

BTS reaction to you crying over chicken nuggets/food

MASTERLIST

LMAO this request is hilarious 😂 Thank you anon for requesting this. Instead of writing paragraphs, I did a bit differently this time with the format of writing. Hope you guys enjoy reading this as much as I LOVED writing it! 

*gifs not mine. Credit to the owners*

Jin

He would be happy actually. Not because you were crying but because you were crying over FOOD (his one eternal love other than you). Lowkey he would be proud of himself for finding a good and suitable partner for himself. 

Jin: Wait are you really crying over food? 

You: *nodding*

 Jin: *Hugs you*. I have finally found my soulmate. *cries fake tears of joy by being way too melodramatic* 

 Yoongi

He probably wouldnt even know what the hell to say. He would be confused AF. He would kind of regret liking you, of course he wouldn't mean it but you were ruining his swag by crying over food. Pretty much done with you I imagine. 

You: *whining about chicken nuggets*

Yoongi: If I buy you chicken nuggets will you stop? *rolls eyes*

You: Yes I will. *hug him by jumping on his back* 

Yoongi: Get off me or else no chicken nuggets, he would threaten you.

 Hoseok

He would come from work and find you crying. Initial reaction would be worry and concern but when he found out why you were crying he would sigh in relief.

Hoseok: Wait so let me get this straight. You are crying because you want food?

You: Why? Cant I cry over food?

Hoseok: *Silently wonders if you are on your period/or too emotional, but doesn't say anything* Ok, I will get you food so stop crying, and he wipes your tears away.

Namjoon

“Y/N, Look what I brought” he would wave take-out bags in the air. You would run up to him, and he would think you were going to hug him. But no. You took the bags from his hand and ran into the kitchen. 

Nams: *Comes into the kitchen and hears you sniffle* Are you really crying y/n?

You: I love you

Nams: I love you too

You: I was saying that to the food... but okay, you shrug

Nams: gif reaction

Jimin

He would just laugh at how cute you were being. Secretly would take out his phone and take a video of you to tease you to the ends of this earth and use it as blackmail when needed. *He’s a devil disguised as an angel I swear*

YOU: I WANT FOOD!! *whining*

Jimin: *snickering in the back because its the funniest thing for him*

You: BOYFRIEND!! I need food, you call out for him

Jimin: *Too busy filming to hear you*

You: *See him* PARK JIMIN ARE YOU MAKING A VIDEO OF ME?

Jimin: *runs for his life*

Taehyung

He would try his best to get you to stop whining about food, because he wants you to love him and not food. He would try his hardest to get your attention.

Taehyung: Jagiya! Look *does aegyo*

You: No reaction

Taehyung: Look Jagi! *makes his famous derp face*

You: Still crying over food

Taehyung: Fine I will just get Jimin to love me, *lets just say that got your attention pretty good*

Jungkook

This boy would straight up laugh and make fun of you (not in a mean way). He would just think you were adorable low-key though, for crying over food. 

Kookie: *laughs* Didn't know you were that big of a foodie

You: Didn't know you were an ass. Actually never mind I knew that

Kookie: *laughs even harder* Let me get Jin hyung then you can both cry together over your shared love (food) *Proceeds to call Jin* 

You: I hate you

Kookie: I love you too *thumbs up*

I hope you guys like this! I tried to make it as extra and as funny as I could. I hope this is what you wanted anon :) Have a lovely day ahead everyone and thank you for reading! <3

[clexa--warrior]

In anticipation of the release of the Ukrainium One "transcript" and whistleblower report, Rudy Giuliani spent approximately twenty hours in a row on Fox TeeVee yesterday, during which he screamed "Shut up, moron!" at another guest and brandished his locked cellphone as PROOF that he was sent on a "mission" to Ukraine by the State Department. After which, the president's wholly mentally stable personal lawyer retired to a room at the president's personal hotel in DC, on ground rented to the president personally by the US government. Of course. Once ensconced in his gilded safe space, he got on the phone with every reporter on the East Coast to continue spewing more inanity. Of course.

"It is impossible that the whistle-blower is a hero and I'm not. And I will be the hero! These morons—when this is over, I will be the hero," Giuliani ranted to The Atlantic's Elaina Plott. "I'm not acting as a lawyer. I'm acting as someone who has devoted most of his life to straightening out government." (Paging Adam Schiff: Rudy Giuliani just waived privilege because NOT A LAWYER.)

When reached for comment, "these people" told the Washington Post, "This s---show that we're in — it's him injecting himself into the process." Another of "them" told the Atlantic, "this entire thing" was "Rudy putting shit in Trump's head."

Then he capped it off by accusing The Daily Beast's Will Sommer and Asawin Suebsaeng of being IN ON IT when they asked for proof of his batshit allegations about George Soros being the supervillain behind all Trump's problems, texting, "It seems to me your intent here is not to cover the inherent apparent corruption in the way this was done but to find any contradictions or create them."

LET THEM FIGHT.

For weeks, Rudy has been derping to anyone who'll listen that the State Department dispatched him to convince Ukrainian prosecutors to gin up an investigation into Joe Biden and his son Hunter. The "transcript" of the call showed Trump repeatedly exhorting Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskiy to coordinate his investigation with Giuliani and Attorney General Bill Barr. In response to which Zelenskiy's people did, in fact, reach out to the State Department to put them in touch with Mayor Dentures. Clearly it was Trump himself who deputized Rudy for the "mission," not Foggy Bottom.

But that doesn't mean Secretary of State Mike Pompeo is off the hook. His part-time Special Representative for Ukraine Kurt Volker and US Ambassador to the European Union Gordon Sondland functioned as Rudy's State Department handlers, debriefing him after every meeting with the Ukrainian government. The fact that Volker's lobbying firm got paid by the government of Ukraine during 2017 and 2018 while he was the State Department's liaison to that country is problematic, but not nearly as problematic as the fact that he supported the president's personal lawyer in an effort to aid his 2020 election campaign. We are way, way beyond a Kellyanne-style Hatch Act violation here.

Rudy has never claimed that his Ukraine shenanigans have anything to do with US foreign policy objectives. He's been very clear that he works only to benefit Donald Trump, saying "My narrow interest is for the benefit of my client." AND YET, the State Department lent its authority and resources to the cause. If Pompeo were anything other than a heat-seeking missile for Trump's ass, he'd have protected his people from getting mixed up in this gross violation. But he's just as big a whore as everyone else in the White House.

Even if, as the whistleblower suggests, Volker and Sondland were sending encouraging texts to Rudy while simultaneously going behind his back to the Ukrainians to "contain the damage," they were still participating in the president's re-election campaign.

But now those chickens are all coming home to roost, since Volker and Sondland will surely be top of the witness list at Donald Trump's impeachment hearing, while Rudy's texts are exhibit one. Because if that raving loon is going down, he's taking all y'all with him.

"I should be as sympathetic as a whistleblower. I did my job and now all these people are torturing me," Rudy whined to CNN, before adding that he had texts and "I'm going to use them to protect myself if and when I need them."

If Rudy Giuliani's verbal diarrhea is what finally ends up taking out That Orange Criminal, we will die of laughter. But we will die a happy woman! Pray for us.

[CNN / DB / The Atlantic / WaPo]

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[megaslaythraxicasworkblog-blog]

Day 1

My first day of work was a shitload of surprises. Before I elaborate, let me reveal the place I got a job at: Five Guys: Burgers and Fries. I refuse to disclose the actual location and specific joint on the account of my personal security, safety and the fact that if anyone I know at work finds out about this blog I would be embarrassed as hell. Also, I know, it’s just Five Guys, but still, a job is a job. Anyway, let’s get started.

When I walked in, I was late. Luckily my manager was so busy they didn’t even notice. My manager talked to me about various things. Instructions, clocking in and overall what I should expect. None of that was too bad, but then came the actual work day. This day I was assigned to the cash register, since it’s basically the easiest position in fast food, and a perfect way to get new employees started. And I’m not gonna lie, it got fairly easy after a few derps from the first few customers I dealt with. I actually met some co-workers who seemed pretty nice, and everything seemed to be going smoothly the whole time. Until it hit me.

There has been all this talk about bacon, and I didn’t even notice until I was on my first day of the job that this fast food place has a lot of bacon in their products. A lot of customers ordered bacon cheeseburgers and it made me nervous. Want to know why? Because I like pigs. Yes, you heard me. I like pigs. I don’t think they should be killed for bacon. As for cows, chickens and turkeys, I will admit I eat them, but pigs were always special to me. They’re intelligent, funny and cute. I always loved pigs. About two years ago I have been making an effort to stop eating pigs, and I have not had ham or any other form of pig meat since. I also have never had bacon in my life, and plan on never doing so. The problem with all of this is, I’m at a fast food place, selling dead pigs to people who create the demand for more dead pigs, thus the market supplying them. I’m literally being a cog that keeps this process going. It didn’t fully hit me until I jumped in the shower after work, but it hit me, and it hit me hard. When I was working earlier I sort of just brushed it off because I was busy and wasn’t actually COOKING any bacon. What I didn’t realize was that I was SELLING this shit to them. Now you don’t have to be pro-pig to understand what I’m going through, You just have to understand others’ diet choices. I was asking myself what I should do about cooking bacon for others when operating the cash register, but the fact that I was selling it to them went completely over my head. Now I’m sitting here, writing this blog, feeling guilty as fuck about this. My guilt is almost enough to make me quit already, and it’s been only been one day.

At this point I’m kind of freaking out, because I don’t want to support a pig-killing machine, but I just barely realized that I’m a cog in it now. There’s no turning back though. I have the job, and have been looking for a job for years now, and my parents, friends and friends’ parents have been nagging at me to get a job for all the reasons you’d expect: bullshit values like responsibility, independence, work ethic, ect. I’m not saying those are all necessarily bad values, I’m just saying it’s honestly not working for to achieve. I now do it anyway. Why though? I feel the need to search deep in my thoughts and reasoning and continually ask myself, why? Anyway, I don’t want to have to do anything with pig murder anymore, so I’m freaking out, trying to come up with a solution. The closest I can think of is praying to the bacon. Yes, I know how crazy that sounds. PRAYING to bacon. I’m even fucking atheist, but it’s all I can think of. I want to pray to the bacon, telling the pigs that the meat belong to to forgive me for everything I have done, and everything I will do associated with their death and consumption, even if it’s as indirect as being a cashier putting a bacon cheeseburger on an order. I wish this was a fucking joke, because it sounds funny as fuck, but the reality is, it’s not. This is the closest I can think of to possibly make up for what I am taking a part in. This whole thing is my fault though. I was so ignorant of the menu to not even ask if there are any pork products. I kind of hate myself. I take that back: I REALLY hate myself. I kind of wish I would’ve gotten a job at Target or something instead, because now I feel extremely guilty about this, and there’s no going back now. I just hope if I decide to pray, none of my managers or co-workers will think it’s too weird. I am thinking of writing down this prayer and reciting it every time after a while of improvising prayers, finding the one that would suit the situation the most.

Anyway, enough bacon talk. Other than that, the day went pretty smoothly, up until closing time. I thought things would be more chill because we wouldn’t have to deal with anymore customers, but godDAMN was I wrong. We had to put so much shit away it was ridiculous. We had to basically put everything we used in a different room and clean so much shit, just so it can reset for the next day. Luckily, since it’s a part time job, I’m put in different shifts. I won’t have the night shift tomorrow, so that will be a relief. Anyway, we had to put shit away, put food away, put vegetables and seasonings away, clean tables, take out the trash and replace the garbage bags. I’m sorry if your job is worse than this, but goddamn this shit got me tired. This part sucked total ass, and basically made my whole work day sucky. All I hope is for tomorrow to be better.