#Dolphin Adult diapers

[leonaxmina]

That Crybaby Witch!

you are here! - ch. ii - ch. iii - ch. iv - ch. v

Word Count: 3.3k+ Tags: Meet Cute/First Friends

Art is by 1000kcal_ on Twitter!

No human being is born inherently evil, but no human being is born inherently good either.

Mina held the plastic wrapped veggie sandwich in her hands as she slipped out of the crowded lunchroom. Searching for somewhere quieter to enjoy her lunch. It was a shame she struggled to make friends like the others around her. Even when she witnessed the other girls popping out of the coffins to join the school’s population at Night Raven College… The excessive amount of boys was too terrifying. The ratio wasn’t equal in the slightest and the Headmage did not account for the possibility of a small collection of young ladies staying on campus.

And it wasn’t like she could easily explain the reasoning behind her phobia. “Too much of a bummer…” Mina grumbled as she made her way through the long empty halls of Night Raven College.  She had already been here two weeks and she had yet to gather the courage to speak to the other girls staying in Ramshackle. And Mina couldn’t fathom making a male friend of her own free will. Well, except Mr. Handsome. She looked down at the pink puffball with a smile, watching him sway back and forth from each step she took. “You don’t mind spending time with me do you?” She asked and gently scooped him into her palm as the gold clasp attaching him to her bright pink school bag magically came undone. “Your Majesty, I would like nothing more.” His voice was rich and deep, which always soothed Mina despite her fear of the opposite sex. Maybe it was because he was her legal guardian? “You don’t have to call me that. I’m not a queen anymore. And I haven’t been since… Uhhh… Well, y’know.” She smiled awkwardly and the puffball remained motionless. “It would be rude of me to address you by name. Even with time passing… Even after changing your diapers-”

“Alright, alright…” She stopped him with her cheeks filling with red rouge and the tips of her ears began to burn. Mina looked away, listening to him chuckle as she continued to walk through the school’s halls. “I am only teasing, my kindest Mina.” He apologized sweetly as she ducked into the first classroom she spotted in hopes of eating alone with Mr. Handsome. But this new world wasn’t that kind.

There was one other person in the room. A male student with long, dark colored hair. He had his head resting on his folded arms, face down on the desk while softly snoring. He was sleeping in the farthest back row, which means Mina would place herself in the farthest front row. She had wanted to speak with Mr. Handsome during the short period of respite. But if there was another person present that wouldn’t be possible. She was already seen as a bizarre person in her old world. Mumbling to a small puffball and addressing him with a nickname… She looked as friendless as she actually was. Mr. Handsome told Mina that he wouldn’t engage in conversation if there were other people around. For the sake of Mina finally developing a social life. 

If she didn’t start now, she would become a far more tragic adult. The blonde sat on the smooth wooden bench and slid down the row, laying Mr. Handsome on the table before placing her school bag beside her.

She pulled out her phone with a fresh new case for the week. Last week was a plain dreamy pink. This week was clear, with hot pink leopard print spots and gold lining the exposed area where her three cameras were. A necessary purchase from Sam’s shop. Next was her colorful dolphin themed notebook with a matching fluffy gel pen. After that was a heavy green book she had gotten from the library so she could study for Professor Trein’s upcoming quiz in magical history. 

But today? It would be her phone stand as she watched videos and ate quietly with Mr. Handsome. It was a Halloween nail tutorial for today’s entertainment as Mina bit into her sandwich with a pleased smile. Sourdough bread, pesto, coleslaw, and red peppers. Mina sensed that her skin would start breaking out soon from the stress of the ‘I’m stranded in an entirely new universe’ situation. Which means, oily meat and sugar had to go for a while. She opened her water bottle with a soft sigh as she watched the tutorial showing how to make candy corn designs and little ghosts. But the young lady had grown quickly disinterested in what she was watching. Mina began to daydream about the fizzy deliciousness of pop rocks candy on her tongue. How she wished she could have a sweet lemony tea or a nerve jittering iced coffee. A delicious turkey and honey mustard sandwich with a small bowl of cotton candy grapes. She looked sadly at Mr. Handsome. Although in the keychain state, he looked just as distraught as she did over the lack of protein and sweets. “It’s all for the sake of my skin. One zit, and I’ll be condemned to online classes until we get back home.” Mina whispered to him sadly as she returned her focus to her phone screen. Even as the video demonstrated how to paint spiders on her nails, she was fantasizing about the taste of honey glazed lamb over rice and a plate of karaage with spicy mayonnaise as the dipping sauce. 

But her thoughts of greasy goodness and sugary heavens were dashed by the sound of movement behind her. Mina couldn’t help but crane her neck back out of reflex. They say curiosity killed the cat. But Mina believes that it was satisfaction that brought it back. The male student that was once asleep against the wooden table had sat up with a low roar and a stretch of his jaw. Was he yawning? He glanced around the room with a string of lazy blinks before raising his muscular arms over his head to stretch. Only then did she realize he wasn’t entirely human. He had little brown ears protruding out of his messy dark hair. Crowley had explained to those who had popped out of the coffins that there weren’t just humans attending classes on the campus. Some were Fae, some were Mermen, and some were Beastmen.

This would be a beastman. His eyes were a lovely shade of summer green, his skin was bronzed by the sun and his wavy hair was a pleasant milk chocolate color that shone in the early afternoon light. Mina was sure she had seen him in passing at least once or twice. So this would be the third time the two of them have crossed paths, even if the male student didn’t notice. Mina hadn’t realized she was staring at him, soaking in his handsome features until his lovely summer green eyes had met her mismatched ones.

Their gazes locked, but Mina didn’t feel anxious. She felt embarrassed.

The blonde’s heart knocked against her ribs. Her eyes broke away first as she stared at her sandwich as though it would play the role of her savior. Mina wondered if maybe this was her cue to leave the room. But the thought crumbled away when she heard the student behind her slowly rise to his feet with a soft hum. “You a herbivore or somethin’?” His deep voice was requesting a response from Mina. She flinched, her hands pulled her sandwich towards her chest as a heat bloomed in her cheeks and spread to the tips of her ears. The blonde glanced back at the sound of leisure footsteps approaching from behind. “Ahm…” She trailed off anxiously, her eyes met the beastmans again. The anxiety had been replaced with bashfulness. As he came closer and closer with his gloved fingers brushing each table he passed, Mina was starting to forget what he asked. “Like… A vegetarian? No… I eat meat… Sometimes…” She mumbled awkwardly and glanced down at her sandwich in her hands. 

Was he going to bully her?

Mina felt her stomach twist into a tight knot when the student sat on the end of the bench, leaving a healthy distance of three feet between them as the nail tutorial ended. “Why’d you pass this time? That lil’ sandwich isn’t going to fill you.” He sounded disappointed with her choice albeit this being their first interaction. Mina pouted and looked up at him, seeing his relaxed posture with his arm resting on the back of the bench. Her pout quickly faded as she turned up her nose instead. Her face was still hot.

“It’ll fill me just fine! And meat has too much oil, so I try not to eat it unless I cook it myself! My skin can’t handle it right now!” She defended her precious sandwich as the student slid an inch closer. Again; he looked disappointed in her response. “What did you eat for breakfast? Carrots?” He teased as Mina snapped her head in his direction. His gaze was intense, but his eyes were half lidded as he gave her a smirk. He looked amused.

Mina wasn’t sure why he was so interested in talking with her. Maybe… He was trying to be polite since she was sitting alone? “Absolutely not! A girl like me has to watch her figure!” She rested her hand against her chest with a shocked expression. “Toast with butter or a single fruit! That’s all you can afford to eat if you have time.” She stated this as a form of fact as the beastman’s smile was replaced with a concerned frown. “You’re a guy, you wouldn’t get it.” Mina shook her head as a small smile formed on her lips. This was the first time she’s spoken to someone other than Mr. Handsome since she’s come here. “Pretty girls have to sacrifice those things for the sake of a slim waist. Don’t you know the price of beauty is expensive?” She snickered as the beastman eliminated another inch of space.

“Not exactly. Don’t you have P.E in the morning with the other frosh? Runnin’ around on an empty stomach is going to get you hurt.” He warned with a small swish of his tail against the smooth wood of the bench. Mina quickly retracted her hand into a curled fist with her smile growing impish. Appearing as though she had been caught by the beastman. “Haha… About that…” Mina trailed off, placing her sandwich down on the plastic wrapper before pressing her pointer fingers together. Her long acrylic nails covered in rhinestones and baby pink paint shimmered as they crossed one another with a soft plastic clicking sound. “Soooo… A cute girl like me isn’t really made to do all that physical stuff… Usually I sit on the bleachers and watch everyone else. Coach Vargas said it’s okay for now! But…” She trailed off again as she peeked over at Mr. Handsome who seemed to be staring not at her, but the beastman beside her. 

Mina was a master of using the ‘I don’t feel well’ or ‘I’m on my period!’ card when she needed to get out of running around and sweating. Ruining her hair and make up. Risking her precious nails being broken. She hated gym class the most. And the class was mixed gender. She didn’t want to run around with boys when she could easily sit on the bleachers and play on her phone. “You see… The P.E uniform won’t fit me. I just haven’t gotten the fabric to make my own.” She sighed as she looked over at the lion with her smile growing in hopes of him understanding her reasons. “It’s also hella uggo, soooooo I was gonna make my own.” She didn’t notice the beastman getting closer and closer as his grin re-appeared. “Poor thing. Missing breakfast and an’ early morning jog? Sounds lonely.” He purred as Mina looked away from him and at her darkening phone screen. 

“It is a little bit but, sitting on my phone is better than getting gross and sweaty and having to re-apply my makeup. I want to tell the Headmage I have a serious condition that if he makes me take P.E I’ll die.” She joked as she relaxed against the bench with a frown forming. “The other girls seem to like it though. I’m kindof the odd-one-out.” Mina never truly thought about how lonely it was seeing the other girls try and figure out how to get a broom off of the ground or having to jog in a big circle. Or how they would talk to one another during the lessons. “It’s okay though!” She quickly shook her head and pushed a smile onto her face. “I never had friends in highschool before! So it’s waaaaaaay harder now that I’m one of the oldest girls in my class!” She beamed with sparkling eyes as the beastman stared in shock at her cheerful disposition. His expression made her feel worse.

“Please laugh or something!” The facade quickly shattered as tears welled up in her eyes. Threatening to spill over as her face filled with a frustrating red color. “I don’t want to be sad about it!” She sniffled and balled her hands into fists as the beastman started to relax, appearing even more worried now. “I wanna have so many friends! Everyone seems so nice but it’s seriously SO intimidating for me! I want to know if they like sweets, what colors they like, what kind of pajamas they wear! I want to have so many friends that my phone is always buzzing! Like on TV!” She couldn’t stop the tears from rolling down her face and she quickly reached into her school bag as she sniffled. 

Mina pulled out a small pack of tissues and dabbed at her cheeks and her eyes. “I want to hold hands and go to cute cafes… I want to explore the school with someone, not just myself!” She whimpered as the tears continued, and when she looked up, the beastman was now inches away from her. His ears were flattened against his head as he looked down at her. “Well, don’t cry. School only started a few weeks ago.” His deep voice was calming, leaving Mina with a different internal conflict. She still didn’t feel afraid of him. Intimidated, but not what she usually felt when she interacted with the opposite sex. Maybe it was because he was talking with her? “M’sorry. I cry super easily. This isn’t serious but I have waterworks like so bad.” She could see he was concerned as she turned to properly face him, her exposed knee was only millimeters from brushing against his thigh. “How do you feel now?” He asked as Mina gave a small shrug in response. 

She wanted to blame herself for the lack of friends. But since she had zero in her world, making them in a new one almost felt pointless. “I don’t think the other girls will want to be my friend.” She looked sadly at the crumpled tissue in her hands. She hadn’t realized she was venting to the beastman about her dilemma until she looked up at him with tears in her eyes. “Girls need to make friends! But I’m nineteen and I don’t have a single bestie!” She sniffled sadly as the beastman’s eyes widened. “Well, don’t cry anymore,” his ears flattened against his head as Mina hurriedly pulled another tissue out of the plastic wrapping. “It is pretty sad. But all you have to do is take the first step. Not everyone will like you. That’s just how the world works. But I’m sure someone will want to be your friend.” He assured her, watching as she quickly wiped her tears away a second time with a small sniffle. “Think about it. In a few months, you’ll have so many people to talk to that you'll forget you were ever alone.” His green eyes studied how she perked up and how she stuffed her tissues into her school bag. Replacing them with a small leopard printed makeup bag. “... I’m sure you’ll make tons of friends seeing how prepared you are.” He chuckled as Mina puffed up her cheeks, flushed from the overwhelming emotions. “I just cry a lot. It’s healthy.” She huffed as the beastman nodded. “Whatever you say.” 

He leaned over the table, resting his chin in the palm of his hand as she studied herself in her phone camera. Mascara, eyeliner, lip gloss, blush and highlighter. “Is it hard to do that stuff with your nails?” The beastman spoke up, seeing Mina’s eyes break away from the camera before quickly returning to touching-up her makeup. “Not really. People think so since they don’t have long nails like mine.” She explained and the bashful feeling returned. People don’t usually ask about her nails. 

“They’re pretty. Do you do them yourself?” Mina almost dropped her lip gloss as she turned to look at the beastman who was patiently waiting for her response. “You like my nails? You think they’re pretty?” She asked hopefully as a warmth bloomed in her chest. Her eyes began to fill with excitement as the beastman nodded. “I think they’re very pretty. They suit you. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything like it.” His soft smile looked genuine as Mina’s smile widened and she presented her hands to the beastman proudly. “I just did them this weekend! I wanted something plain so I did my fave shade of glittery pink!~! Then I did an accent nail,” she wiggled her ring finger during her explanation. “So I just gave it a light coat, added glue, and just packed on a ton of gems so I could sparkle through the rest of the week! I really like how they turned out!” She cheered happily as the beastman nodded along. 

Mina liked that he was a listener. She always feared being too talkative. It could be he was just being polite, but even then… She appreciated it a lot. “Um… Can I ask you something?” Mina swallowed down her anxiety as the beastman nodded. “Shoot.” He was starting to seem less and less intimidating to Mina. She wanted to see him more. She wanted to talk with him more. The blonde reached for her phone, holding it tightly in her hands before opening her empty contacts folder and holding it out to the beastman. Her heart started to race again as her words caught in her throat. Mina wants to try. She wants to take that first step. “Will…” She trailed off as her face burned with bashfulness. Her fingers squeezed around her phone before she lifted her mismatched eyes to meet the beastman’s summer green ones. “Will you be my first friend?” Mina asked as the student’s eyes widened in surprise. But the expression melted into one of satisfaction. From an outside perspective it looked smug, but to Mina he truly looked happy.

“Sure.” He chuckled softly and gently took her phone from her hands, his larger fingers brushing against hers for only a second. The blonde felt her chest swell with excitement as she watched Leona tap away at her phone before returning it to her. 

Just as the bell rang to end their lunch time. “I’ll walk you to your class, you can tell me all about what other friends you want to make.” He teased as Mina grabbed her bag and clipped Mr. Handsome back onto the strap. “They’ll mostly be girls! Unless you’ll let me braid ribbons in your hair too?” She giggled and slid off of the wooden bench to stand beside Leona with her phone hugged against her chest.

Her first friend ended up being a guy…

For once, Mina felt hopeful for the future.

[kessielrg]

[Kingdom Hearts] Occupational Hazard

Summary: By far, Ven’s got the most boring job at the flower shop; the cashier. Sitting day in and day out for someone to browse along the rows of flowers and gardening tools, then probably walk right out again. Sometimes an interesting thing would happen- but they were few and far between. [flower shop AU focused on UX kids][Part 6 in a series of oneshots][VenxOC][EphemerxOC/F!Player]

Rating: K

Word Count: 2,541

If you liked this story, please reblog!

---

Ven thought about having children exactly once before. It had been a really random thought too. What made him space out that day? Had he been preparing for a test, or was it just another slow day at the flower shop? He hated that he had daydreamed about it enough that he knew exactly what kind of kid he wanted. (A girl, by the way- with the rest depending on if he could convince his ideal lady of being with him.) Either way, seeing Ephemer’s 19 month old son brought about feelings of wanting to be a father one day, while also making him glad that he wasn’t.

Furthermore, he wasn’t used to Ephemer being dressed to the nines either. The teen couldn’t help but stare at his coworker as Ephemer handed off various baby supplies to Skuld. It was a weird juxtaposition seeing Ephemer in a well pressed suit, and passing a wrinkled and well worn duffle bag to Skuld.

“There should be more than enough diapers to cover any accidents he’ll have in the next few hours.” Ephemer told Skuld. “Anora insisted we keep him from eating the foods that make him super gassy, just in case. She’s a smart one, that Anora. There’s a reason why she’s my wife.”

“Don’t have to convince me.” Skuld snorted. “Don’t know why you’re so dressed up for a night to the movies. We all know you two are going to be making out in the back of the car by the end of the night.”

Ephemer’s face immediately went up in a deep scarlet. He let out a sheepish laugh as he scratched the back of his neck. Skuld just laughed at him.

“Luca will be safe with me,” she then told him. “We’ve got a supply truck coming around in another hour or so, Thursdays are usually kinda dead anyway, and Ven’ll be here manning the main front. The next four hours will go by quickly.”

“I knew he’d be safe.” Ephemer laughed, albeit somewhat forced. “It’s how often you’ll be actually looking after him. You’re the one babysitting, and you’re still at work.”

Skuld gave Ephemer a rather dry laugh of her own before telling him, “I can do both.”

At Ephemer’s skeptic raise of his eyebrow, Skuld went on to say, “I will. After the truck gets here, my attention will be on nothing else.”

“Right…” Ephemer mused. He gave a shake of his head before getting down to Luca’s height. His son had been politely standing next to him while the old friends talked. Luca seemed to have understanding of what was going on- Ven just couldn’t get over those large blue-grey eyes. They just… stared between Ephemer and Skuld with severe inquisition. It almost made Luca look a good three or so years older. So young and yet so serious looking…

(Oh no, now Ven wanted to ask Brain if there were any surviving photos of Sabrina as a baby. She would hate knowing that he saw them, but he had to know. Did she always look that serious at a young age too?)

Ephemer gave his son a bright smile- one that was almost returned.

“You be good for Auntie Skuld and Venny, alright Luca?”

The toddler looked at his father for a long time, the wheels turning in his younger mind to register what was said, before giving a little nod. Ephemer grinned as he ruffled his son’s hair. He grunted slightly as he got back up (which Skuld was quick to snicker at) before starting his way out the door.

“See you two in five hours.” Ephemer waved at them.

“You told me earlier it was going to be four.” Skuld refuted, putting a hand on her hip. Ephemer just shrugged.

“You know I have a hard time keeping my hands off my wife, Skuld. And without a kid around? We’re practically kids again ourselves.”

Skuld let out a small ‘tsk’ sound and smirk. “Yeah, yeah. Get outta here. Go conceive your next child away from the flower shop for once.”

Even with his face flushing again, Ephemer gave her a playful salute before closing the door behind him. Skuld just looked at the door for a moment or so just to shake her head at him.

“Come up, Luca.” she then told the toddler, bending down a bit and extending her arms to him. “We gotta look out for the delivery guy.”

Luca gave her a glare so mean, Ven had to cough to cover up his laugh. The toddler even went into a string of sounds that could have been interpreted as sass. But he went over to Skuld, regardless. He allowed himself to be picked up by the woman, and together they disappeared into the back room. With the boss out of earshot, Ven felt free to let out the snicker he had been holding in for the past three minutes. The last thing on his mind was how Skuld would inevitably take her work at the flower shop over watching Luca. He’d figure it out soon- he just wished that peace had lasted a bit longer.

. . .

A good hour or so later, and Ven decided to make himself useful by making sure everything had a price sticker on it. No ceramic pot could go unturned without a sticker declaring its probably high ball price. Better than just sitting at the register and drifting off into who knows where until Skuld caught him.

Ven happened to notice Luca out of the corner of his eye. The toddler casually walked (or as casually as you could at 19 months, since you didn’t quite have the best balance still) out of the backroom and into the main store front. Ven slowed his movements a bit to watch Luca look over the area, then go over to a certain large vase with some faux reeds in it. It was rather amusing watching Luca plonk his little bottom down in front of it.  Ven gave a quiet snort before properly returning to his work. He almost had to stop because something new happened.

Luca started babbling at the flowers.

At least, Ven thought it still counted as babbling. Every now and again he could pick out sounds that certainly sounded like real words; like ‘same’, and ‘daddy’, and ‘kiss-shun’, and ‘mommy.’ Or maybe Ven was imagining it. Putting price tags on everything was ridiculously boring.

“Ven!” Skuld suddenly shouted from the backroom, scaring both Ven and Luca alike. “Do you see Luca?”

“Yeah.” he lazily replied. “He’s out here talking to some reeds.”

Skuld immediately left the backroom just to glare at Ven. He flinched a little at her gaze.

“Get him away from those!” she demanded. “I’m still going over what’s come in.”

Ven blinked at her, then looked over at Luca. The kid was literally doing nothing but staring at the other flowers now. He probably even had an acute awareness he was being talked about, but not being talked to. Ven turned his attention back to Skuld with a face that was trying to feign innocence.

“Why? They're edible.”

“Not when you're still able to choke on fine cut food!” his boss immediately retorted. All it did was spark a moment of defiance.

“Skuld, there are full grown adults that still choke on normal cut food. Your point is getting more moot by the moment.”

“I can't believe you and Sabrina aren't dating yet.” Skuld mumbled under her breath. “You share the same amount of… Urg. Just get Luca away from those flowers!”

Perhaps a bit too amused at his superior's frustration, Ven let out a short chortle before setting the price stickers down. Skuld only grimaced as she went to the backroom again. Still grinning, Ven walked over to Luca, finding himself bemused by the kid still, and asked without meaning any harm; “Whatcha doing there, Luca?”

The toddler immediately jumped, then looked up at Ven with wide, curious eyes. Slowly, as if he were aware he could be in trouble, Luca's little face started to break. Poor Ven was in no way prepared for the kid's wailing. He immediately flinched and covered his ears at the sound.

“You're not in trouble! You're not in trouble!” Ven quickly said, awkwardly making his way down to the floor to be at Luca's eye level. “Just gotta be careful, alright?”

But this didn't stop Luca from crying. If it was any consideration, Ven was sure the toddler didn't even hear him. Cursing under his breath, Ven looked around the flower shop for anything that could distract Luca. There were some plush toys in a display close by. Maybe one of those would work? Ven wasn’t going to leave it up to guessing. He quickly went to the display, quickly located and snatched a dolphin plush, then went back over to Luca.

“Here there buddy,” he said, bringing the plush close to Luca’s eye range. “Do you wanna cuddle buddy?”

Luca stopped crying just long enough to give the plush a glance, shove it of his eyesight, and let out a rather clear, very angry, “No!”

Ven let out a long (and very tired) sigh of defeat. Wasn't Skuld the one that was supposed to be babysitting this tiny person? Why did it feel like he was doing all the work?

But first, he had to shut Luca up.

What else could Ven distract Luca with? Better question- what did Luca even like? Was there anything in this store that could calm this kid long enough so he wasn’t the loudest sound on the block? All this crying had to be stressful for him. Heck, it was stressful for Ven! An even better question right about now was ‘where on earth is Skuld?!’ because that was rather important too. Could she really not hear Luca wailing from the backroom? Maybe he should check on her…

Luca’s crying hit a note so high pitched the Ven flinched. He turned his attention back to the kid in defeat. Unsure of what else to do, he tried to rack his brain on what Ephemer and Anora did to calm Luca down. But that was just the thing, wasn’t it? Usually Luca wasn’t whining. Ven did get an idea though. Carefully, Ven put his hand on Luca’s head, trying to mimic the way Ephemer ruffled his son’s hair. To his surprise, it actually seemed to work. Luca started to settle down little by little until he gave nothing more than a few sniffles.

“There you go, buddy.” Ven cooed, sounding like he was more addressing an angry bear than a child. “Feel better now?”

Luca rubbed his eyes before turning to Ven. It was slow to make sure Ven didn’t stop gently kneading his fingers into Luca’s hair. The toddler gave Ven a few tired blinks. Apparently crying for five minutes straight was particularly draining.

“Tell me.” Luca said to Ven, pointing to an arrangement to his left. Ven blinked. He didn’t hallucinate that sentence, right?

“Tell you what? About the flowers?”

Luca gave him a determined nod.

“But I don’t know-” Ven tried to tell him, but Luca was a smart kid. He purposely started to make his face break again, and even started a little whimper before Ven caught on. “Wait, wait, wait!” Ven quickly stammered, removing his hand from Luca’s head to throw them up in defense. “I might know some stuff. And look, I could probably look some things up on my phone too. Wouldn’t that be cool?”

Still milking his leverage over Ven , Luca wiped his eyes as he gave another nod. Ven let out a relieved sigh. It should be that hard to fake what he knew about plants, right? As Luca gave a long yawn, Ven hoped that he could probably even be able to lull the kid into sleep. Honestly, he was practically doing Skuld’s job for her.

. . .

Ephemer and Anora returned to the flower shop thirty minutes earlier than expected. They seemed to be in good spirits, so the date must have gone on well enough. Skuld was quick to hand Luca and his baby paraphernalia back to his parents.

“He didn’t give you any trouble, did he?” Ephemer asked, taking the duffle bag as Anora got their son.

“Not at all.” Skuld affirmed. “I was a bit preoccupied with the shipment that came in, so Ven helped out a bit.”

Hearing this, Ephemer and Anora looked at Skuld like she had proposed murder. Ephemer was the one who let out a forced laugh before saying,  “Skuld…? Your shift ended before I dropped Luca off, that’s why we left him with you.”

“Knew it.” Ven mumbled under his breath. The parents looked at him before returning their attention to the rather unapologetic Skuld.

“I still watched him.” she insisted. “And now I still have some work to do before heading home for the night. Ven’s shift is ending for the night, and we all know he won’t do the inventory count tonight.”

“Because at this time of night, we do it in the morning.” Ephemer told her. Skuld didn’t seem to pick up on his annoyance. Instead, she went to the backroom before anyone could stop her.

Ephemer let out a long sigh of exhaustion. He should have known better, honestly. He looked at Anora and grinned. It was meant as a signal for them to head out, but Anora had other plans. She carefully nudged Ephemer, giving him a small look that he could read well. Ephemer nodded before digging into his wallet to find a twenty dollar bill.

“Here Ven, take this,” he offered. Ven just looked back at him with the most bewildered look. Ephemer saw it and just laughed. “We all know how Skuld gets when she doesn’t leave work. I’ll come in on my next shift with another twenty for you.”

“But I don’t-” Ven tried to argue, but it was Anora who stepped up to place a gentle hand on Ventus’s elbow. The teen froze right then and there. It was honestly the more polite thing to do- Anora didn’t really have much of a grip on him.

“Thank you for watching Luca tonight.” she carefully told him- for a moment it made him wonder if she thought she was to blame for some reason. “If Ephemer doesn’t pay you back, I will. And that’s a promise.”

“O-oh no, ma’am.” Ven quickly stuttered out. “It’s fine! Honest! It wasn’t even a big deal. Nah. Not really. Luca’s a pretty cool kid when you sit down and play with him. Pretty smart too. Nothing to sweat about. Hardly interrupted anything. Really.”

Anora offered a polite smile, although Ven felt guilty under it all the same.

“See you later, Ven!” Ephemer waved as the family left the shop. Ven waved back, still feeling guilty from Anora’s generosity. Luca watched Ven from other his mother’s shoulder- the expression was particularly hard to decipher. Ven just hoped it was one of respect. That little brat better not forget what Ven did for him today.

“Definitely having a girl.” Ven mumbled under his breath before clocking out for the day.

[tamersmile888]

Not So Berry Challenge Candie Edition: Lemon Play 3 (Part4)

The next day, Mr. Yamada visits. He used to help Grandpa Uriah take care of her mom and aunts and uncle when they were babies. Grandpa Uriah says he can't believe how Mr. Yamada hasn't aged a bit. Mr. Yamada chuckles and says children keep him young.

After Grandpa Uriah leaves, Grandma Pepper spends some time talking with Mr. Yamada alone. She says she wants to thank him again for all he's done for her family. To be honest, she's always been jealous of the relationship he had with her kids growing up. Even of her relationship with her husband. She missed out on so much that she can never get back. 

Mr. Yamada reminds her that she's here now. After he was long gone, she helped raise the president of their nation. She's a great mother. She should never allow her past to cause her to forget that. Grandma Pepper thanks him with a hug and invites him inside where they tell embarrassing stories about Lemon's mom. Like how she refused to get her diaper changed because she wanted to do everything on her time. They say it was the beginning of her anger and control issues. 

With some downtime, Lemon watches one of the movies her dad made with her mom. SuperKids. Even though her mom says she's seen it a bunch of times, she still laughs at all the silly jokes and knows almost all the lines. She says it's one of her favorites. Now it's one of Lemon's favorite's too.

The SuperKids are so cool. She wishes she were as brave as them. And as the Earth Princess. She could do anything and never let fear stop her ever again. If only....

Today Lemon, her mom, and the Hearts of the City are diving with dolphins and they are so cute! The stream is a huge hit. People are watching all over the world, seeing the ocean and it's aquatic creatures through their eyes. She wishes school was this exciting. Then kids would have way more fun learning.

As Lemon explores the coral reef, it transforms into an underwater planet full of cute alien friends. It's time for another episode of The Big Adventures of the Earth Princess!

The Earth Princess weaves through Planet Sulani with her underwater jet pack, following her alien friends as they lead her to a treasure they've been hiding for centuries. Since she protected their planet from the Trash Monster, they're rewarding her with treasure from their collection.

But oh, no! The current is too strong. It's carrying The Earth Princess away!

The Earth Princess is swept away and left stranded on a deserted island. Her jet pack is busted, useless, and her alien friends are nowhere to be found. She's alone. There's only one way off this island and it's going to take all the strength she has left. She gathers every scrap of material she can find to build a rocket ship. For hours, she builds and builds until her rocket ship is complete and ready for take off.

She soars across the wide open universe until she spots her home planet. Only a few more miles to go. But her ship begins to wobble. She was in such a rush to build it that she didn't have time to make sure it was strong enough for such a long journey. Uh oh. It won't last much longer! Will it make it to the other side?

The rocket put-puts out of gas and falls from the sky. Just seconds before the rocket crashes to the ground, Lemon jumps out and lands safely on Earth. Back home to her castle. She checks her pocket, relieved to find that her treasure is still in tact. She's going to miss her alien friends on Planet Sulani, but maybe she'll see them again one day, in The Big Adventures of the Earth Princess!

***

“Jesus said to him, 'If you believe, all things are possible to him who believes.'” (Mark 9:23)

“With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” (Matthew 19:26)

Never let anyone tell you you can't do something:

How do blind and visually impaired people go swimming? | Sandy's View (wordpress.com)

Swimming as a Totally Blind Athlete: What You Need to Know (nfb.org)

How I Swim Blind - YouTube

Blind and Vision Impaired Adults Learn To Swim | SWIM MY WAY - YouTube

Blind Girl describes her endless pool - YouTube

[popculturebuffet]

Loud House Reviews: The Loudest Thanksgiving

It’s almost Thanksgiving! And a vastly diffrent one than in recent memory: Most of us are slimming down family gatherings to just whose in our house, you know because theirs a pandemic going on and it’s not worth risking your life for it. To those either guilting their families into it or doing so because MAGa or some such I only have this to say. 

Speaking of Black Friday i’ts spread over a week and it’s cyber deals mean I got a ton of graphic novels for a dollar a piece and my christmas shopping almost done. So in other words, boo Maga, yay safe and responsible captalisim.  But while the holiday may be diffrent, as well as the pseudo holiday attached that spawned a wonderful musical and many many injuries, one thing stays the same; Holiday Episodes. And despite being the less popular of the three holidays, Thanksgiving still produced tons of great holiday episodes and specials. And with everything being so busy I simply didn’t put too much thought into what to do for Turkey Day.. well okay the day proper i’m going to eat, spend time with family and watch a bunch of mystery science theater 3000, stay the course even in these troubling times, just with only the 4 other people who live in my house. But in terms of episodes I thought i had nothing.. then I started actually thinking on it and what do you know I have three things I want to do for the holiday, though one might wait till next year, and possibly a fourth. But given my workload currently, i’m not one to back away from a challenge, so welcome to a three or four course meal of reviews. First course: The Loud House thanksgiving special, the loudest thanksgiving.  I originally wasn’t going to do this one, mostly because due to my large workload and constant battle with procastination, I keep having to push back the latest episode review, and I have to do that one soon, as there’s a new episode in december and a christmas episode i’ve put off watching for far too long , as I INTENDED to watch eleven louds a leapin for every chirstmas up till now and never got to it before the season was over.  But just like elven louds.. Nick forced my hand.. and by that I mean the SPINOFF got a thanksgiving episode that’s also a sequel in some fashion to this episode. If I wanted to cover that episode this thanksgiving or the next I had to at least watch the original. And frankly, this close to the holiday there was no reason not to review it. So with that out of the way. 

Let’s Get At Er. This is The Loudest Thanksgiving... after the break

The Loudest Thanksgiving takes place during season 3, and still pre-casagrandes spinoff launch despite the christmas special taking place earlier. This is actually easy to explain: The Loud House runs on Comic Strip time... i.e. the characters don’t age unless the writers decide they do. But while the spinoff was in motion at this point, it was still a season off airing wise, and ill advised raitings stunt mini series wise, so in order to keep the Casagrandes fresh in people’s minds presumably, they did a crossover that at this point wasn’t a crossover but now technically is because the show exists but this existed before the show. 

It’s just a show, and I should really just relax. Point is this is a pre-crossover crossover, the two families meet for the first time, the man already said pitter patter, let’s get back at er.  So we open with Flip serving as our magical snowman narrator and regaling us with the tale of steven. Every compastionate can you imagine it... and i’m fucking with you, it’s of course abotu that time the louds and the casagrandes tried having thanksgiving together. 

We then cut to Lori and Bobby being all cute, as usual, and both talking over the phone as each show off their thanksgivings to each other and the enusing family shenanigans. On Lori’s side Lynn is wearing baggy pants so she dosen’t miss the game or the meal by going to the bathroom.. because that’s how pissing yourself works. Look if your going to do something that gross, stupid and broish just woman up and wear an adult diaper. The twins are guarding Lynn sr and the food, poorly, and Lisa has invented a Gravy Squriting robot. I can only see this ending one way. 

Yeah those single function robots really get useless once the exestnetial crisis kicks in. 

On the casagrandes side, Rosa is likewise guarding her kitchen, Frida is painting and Hector plans to sernade eveyrone because Hector is the best and you all should know that. Even with the recent Bobby Abuse he’s still awesome. As for the Mercado, CJ and Ronnie Anne are running the annual canned food drive because CJ is better than the best and should really be used more often.  Both wish they could be there.. and both honestly talk about possibly spending thanksgiving with each other and just one of their family. It’s not a wild proposition: Both are going to college soon, both are in a longterm relationship.. they plan to get married down the line for now. If things hold they will eventually have to figure this out. Of course rather than fate let them figure this out themselves, Hector overhears on Bobby’s end and Lincoln, whose busy A Clock Work Oranging himself so he can stay awake during dinner, overhears on Loris, leading to an emergency family meeting for both sides.  Both families are worried their prospective teenager going to another house of their longterm significant other for one year will mean they get all the holidays. Having never had a relationship last long enough to worry about this, I don’t quite get it as in my experince watching couples juggle this.. they usually just alternate years, spoilers the solution the episode goes with, or trade off christmas and thanksgiving, both fair solutions. Buuut as much as this bothered me at first the more I thought about it the more it actually made sense: People.. aren’t always rational and won’t always do the smart or correct thing, especially when it comes to their children. And with Lori leaving college and the casagrandes being togehter for thanksgiving for the first time in about 5 years, with both ronnie anne and her mom not having had a proper one in some time due to her mom needing to work thanksgiving, presumibly because of the eternal curse of gravy chugging contests, they have valid emotional reasons to go a bit nuts and do some irrational and assholish things. They just don’t want to loose their big sister and big brother, and that’s fair. It may not be at all accurate but it’s fair. 

So thus began the great Guilt Off of 2018. ON the Loud side they START with a fairly soft pitch, the twins simply offer her food early, and she takes it because honestly I would too. Then again, i’d also take free food in just about any situation, so i’m not really a good gage for this. As long as it’s not poision i’ll probably eat it if it’s free. The next two are a little.. less subtle, with the kids talking about Lori’s roll in the annual thanksgiving skit.. which I’m assuming is soley for Lynn Sr. as no one else seems to be going to their thanksgiving. Which granted theirs valid explinations for why their neighbors didn’t go, the mcbrides and mr grouse have their own families and while Mr Grouse rarely gets to see his, he now has neighborly friends after the last holiday special happy to help. But Pop Pop.. makes no sense as his girlfriend, the only plausable reason he wouldn’t be there, was said to not have much family in her debut. So he’s just.. absent from thanksgiving for no reason. Thena gain we later find out this play is movie length, so maybe he was just trying to escape that which in that case, who can blame him. Rita almost reigns things back in with the mother’s trump card: parental guilt. Almost. She then almost crushes lori’s hand but it’s funny enough.  At the Casagrandes, their opening move is largely the same only Rosa wins in terms of execution, cooking up some of bobby’s faviorites to specificially target him. Frida paints him into a painting, again the Casagrandes win his one in terms of effort. They do tie in the last bit, as Maria and Ronnie Anne try the same sort of guilt slining with the same bone crushing.  Eventually both teens get fed up with the next bit; For Lori, Lucy gives her a long overdramatic poem about an empty chair which is easily tied with one bit later for best bit of hte episode.. which granted when I can only think of two or three gags that really made me laugh...

Bobby likewise gets Hector telling the story about a realitvie not going to thanksgiving. Both get angry.. which for Lori, isn’t all that suprising, if entirely warranted. For Bobby though? It’s like pissing off a dolphin. IT’s hard to do and very much not something you want to actually pull of. Both families are forced to admit they eavesdropped, and are incredibly worried about this whole situation, with Lynn Sr selling lincoln up the river for telling them... this man’s capacity for selling out his children is as awe insprising as it is truly pathetic. 

So the two teens go back to their rooms to figure something out and come upon a reasonable solution: just have one of the families host and both come to it. That’s more than fair. But given we still have a full special to pad out, both families are still treating this like a competion: while the louds win the coin toss, both sides are determined to win thanksgiving. IT’s far from the most insane contest i’ve seen this month, x of swords was happening and i’ve seen a russian yank a goblin out of the demonic alligator skin he was using as a puppet. And we don’t know for sure Arrakoa and Krakoa didn’t have a trial over a baby turkey being adorable as one of the challenges. Other challenges included getting drunk, an eating contest, telling someone to murder a kitten and a wedding, all of this is actual stuff that happened in this recent crossover, I have made up nothing. 

So after the break and Flip realizing oh shit the audience is back, the war begins. The Louds are preparing for war, with Lola putting out a picture of herself instead of bobby and laurie because of course.. still not a half bad gag. The Casagrandes arrive and in in a passive agressive move that was already done a year before this special by Brooklyn Nine Nine and better, brought their own food.. though the roast pig is a nice and unique touch. Points for that.  And this.. is where the special gets tedious. Yeah while the IDEA of this episode was really good and I was excited to cover it in practice it’s just similar gags on both sides done for both halves: The first being “let’s guilt them into staying” and the second being “Let’s one up each other” with only two bits really working: Frieda having a painting and the louds annual skit.  And the skit is because it raises a LOT of questions: Why is it 90 minutes, who played the adorable turkey in the years between babies? Was it just whoever was youngest? Who wrote this? Who is this for besides Lynn Sr and Pop Pop? Who all has sat through this thing at some point? Is that why the mcbrides don’t come over for thanksgiving? It’s just.. fantastic is what i’m saying.  

But otherwise this part is just the family trying to one up each other with food, or toasts, or song, before devolving into a big fight. What makes it not work is.. there isn’t a lot of personality there. You have these two big, plentiful, intresting casts, even at this stage with the Casagrandes far less established and fleshed out. And instead of finding interesting ways for them to play off one another meeting for the first time, and to use that to also flesh the characters out more for the inevitable spinoff, it’s just 

For most of the second half. Thankfully it DOES manage to bring things around as after things degenerate into a food fight, the families decide to just ASK the two of them where they want to go.. and find them entirely missing.  It then turns out, in a nice twist, this is where Flip came in. Since his place is the only place open 24/7 and 365, barring fishing season, Bobby and Lori fled here to flee their insane families.. who then follow them there because Carlos and Lisa have them chipped. I was suprised at first Carlos had a tracker on bobby but honestly, i’ts just common sense. The man is like a golden retriver in a man’s body. Here’s an artists interpretation

Both families breifly bicker before Lori and Bobby announce their starting their own family thankgiving with blackjack, and hookers. They really shouldn’t of let Flip in on the brainstorming session. Both families don’t want that, and apologize, admitting they just didn’t want to loose them and both genuinely offering to let the other have them next year. Flip, who despite having a “pay for my colonoscopy jar” with a picture of his ass on it, is somehow the voice of reason and just suggests trading thanksgivings every year, everyone accepts, and we do get a genuinely heartwarming ending of both sides gathering everything for a gas station thanksgiving. Honestly reminds me of king of the hill’s airport episode, but in a very good way and still unique enough circumstances to work.Also Flip, of all people, donates the cans needed to finish the can drive.. granted i’m not sure if they WANT any of that meat, but hey, he meant well and it made me really like the character.  We get a heartwearming duet between hector and luna and sono the whole family and we’re out. 

Final Thoughts: This was disapointing. I’ve listed most of my complaints already, but overall it wasted a good premise of two families coming together, and even the feud parts could’ve been funnier. As it is it’s just.. ehhhhhhhhhh. It has some good parts, and bobby is an angel here on earth as always. But the whole just feels padded. Like this was SUPPOSED to just be 11 minutes, got bumped up, and thus here we are. It’s not the worst Loud House has done, i’ve seen and heard of muccch worse, but for a holiday special it just feels stale and i’ve seen way better thanksgiving specials. And i’ll be getting to that.  If there’s an episode of a cartoon you’d like me to cover, just pop in my ask box or dms and you can comission a review for 5 bucks a piece. Discounts on bulk, 15 for movies. Until then , happy thanksgiving.

[waveptindia-blog]

Adult Diaper - Medium

For More Details Please Visit Us Online At: https://bit.ly/2HKJnDY

#Adultdiapers     #Disposableadultdiaper

[jlynnhiddles-blog]

Chapter One: The Custom Client

Set in the present, this is a fairytale about a girl making her own way in the world whose work leads her to the man she’d cast as her Prince Charming. Will she try on those glass slippers or will she find out she’s met The Beast? Can two people from different realms risk everything and make it across The Bifrost? Can endings ever be happy? Join me on this adventure, send me a message or a poisoned apple and enjoy!

Jamie glanced up at her workscreen when she heard the incoming message alert from her lab manager, Charlie, requesting her in his office before the end of the day. It was a busy Thursday afternoon in the dental lab where she added color to synthetic crowns to match natural teeth. Most were from pictures, but she was also in charge of seeing patients who came to her for personalized work. Much of the company’s business was from local dentists and they specialized in high end fabrication. Jamie liked the people she worked with and felt lucky to be able to help people get their smiles back. She took a break from the case she was working on and strolled to Charlie’s office, tapping on the edge of the open door.

“Hey Jamie, have a seat,” Charlie smiled. “I need to send you out to do a custom job tomorrow afternoon.”

“Send me out?” she asked, with some surprise. She sat on the leather office chair across from him. “The patient can’t come here?”

“It’s one of Dr. Kline’s patients and apparently it’s a VIP situation. You’ll be meeting the client at their hotel instead of the doctor’s office. But someone from Dr. Kline’s staff will be there, too. They need help selecting the shade and material. It’s just one tooth but they really want to keep the patient happy.” Charlie leaned forward. “This case is really important. The office was happy to pay for your specialized services.”

"Any idea who the patient is?” she asked, intrigued.

“Important enough that they sent over a non-disclosure agreement. They only want you to deal with him. The file name is under Bobby. We have a few pictures but just of the patient’s mouth. I don’t think it’ll be a challenging case. Which makes me even more interested.“

Charlie handed her a copy of the prescription. "Here’s the file information I have so far. They’re sending a driver for you at three tomorrow.”

“A driver? Like an Uber?”

“Pretty sure it’s a private car service. You’re going to a hotel in downtown Tampa. They didn’t want to tell me which one.”

“Sounds like the setup to a slasher flick,” she laughed. “So, count me in.”

Jamie signed and dated the non disclosure. She’d done some work in the entertainment and hospitality industries and the form was standard. Who would she tell, anyway? She walked back to her desk resumed her work. After setting several cases to finish in the specialized ovens, she glanced at the clock and started cleaning up her desk. She took her tablet home to review the pictures of the mysterious Bobby.

Jamie lived alone, save for her two cats, in a second story walk-up apartment. It was a typical evening. She fed her eager cats a can of wet food, played word games with Alexa and made a quick dinner. After the dishes were done and put away, she sat heavily on her loveseat. Her little apartment displayed what she loved. It was quiet, with lots of books and movies, especially her favorite Marvel films from the past ten years. She enjoyed the bright colors, the sweeping overtones, the battle for good, evil, and redemption. She’d always been partial to bad guys. Her childhood heros were Shere-Kahn, Ursula, and Captain Hook. As an adult, Marvel villains kept her interest. Her wall art favored them, as well as other inspirational prints and pictures.

“Alexa, play some Hank Williams.”

She put her feet up on the battered coffee table and found the file on the tablet. The patient had really great teeth, but one incisor was recently and slightly broken. She typed up a quick treatment plan and preliminary shade selections. It would probably be a straightforward fix and a happy patient. She was honestly excited to get out of the lab and find out what the fuss was about.

The next day, Jamie got to work early to make up for the time she’d be gone. A few cases needed to go out that evening, so she settled in but her mind was never far from the impending afternoon excursion. Around 2:30, she had a granola bar and made sure her custom shading kit was packed. A few minutes to three, she poked her head in Charley’s office to tell him she was leaving.

“If I wake up in a bathtub full of ice, missing vital organs, you know I’m blaming you.”

Charlie chuckled and wished her luck.

Pulling out her sunglasses, Jamie walked out the front door of her office and saw the black Lincoln Navigator waiting for her. An imposing gentleman in a black suit was standing in front of it.

“Miss Birch,” he said. It wasn’t a question.

Jamie extended her hand in greeting. She didn’t intimidate easily and she wasn’t sure there was anything to be intimidated by. Yet.

"I’m Bruce,” he said, returning her handshake. “I’ll be driving you today. Are you ready to go?” He towered over her but returned her smile once he shook her hand.

“Absolutely!”

He opened the rear passenger side door and offered her a hand to hold to get in. She had her purse and kit, which was really a dark green diaper bag. Most of the lab employees wear scrubs as part of their uniform, but Fridays are casual. Jamie had decided to wear her scrubs anyway since she was going to be out on official business. The royal blue complimented her light skin. She usually didn’t wear makeup to work, but she’d taken the time today, carefully enhancing her golden brown eyes with metallic shadow and blushing the roundness of her cheeks. A coworker had softly braided her ombre-dipped blonde and brown hair down her back. Working in the smile business, appearances matter.

Bruce closed her door and walked around to the driver’s seat.

“We’re going to downtown Tampa. You can adjust the air conditioning from the center console. Is there anything you need right now?”  

“I’m good, thank you,” she replied.

She pulled out her phone, beaming as always at the green and gold displayed on her lock screen. She still had no idea who the mysterious Bobby was! As they drove, she made polite conversation with Bruce. He looked to be nearing fifty, with fair skin, broad shoulders and close cropped salt and pepper hair. At first, he was all business until he mentioned his daughters and then she saw the crinkles soften his eyes behind his sunglasses. The drive across Tampa Bay was beautiful. She stared out the window and saw a few dolphin fins crest in the waves. She’d worked and lived in other parts of the country, but she always came back home. Before she knew it, they were pulling up to the portico of the hotel. Bruce hopped out to open her door before she had a chance.

"You’ll be met in the lobby by a staff member. Don’t forget your bags.”

“Thanks for the ride, Bruce. Will you be taking me back to my office later?”

He smiled at her. “Probably.”

“Well, wish me luck!”

Jamie took a slow, deep breath and nodded to the doorman as he opened the hotel door. As her eyes adjusted to the light in the lobby, a man about her age strode towards her. She stopped dead.

“Luke.” Her mouth formed the word but she honestly wasn’t sure if it had come out.

The dark haired man smiled inquisitively through his tortoiseshell glasses at her.

“Miss Birch? I’m sorry, do we know each other?”

“I. Uh. No. Of course not. I’m Jamie Birch. I’m here to assist with some dental work on–”

The man cut her off.

“Yes, of course. If you’ll come with me.”

He firmly led her by the elbow to the banks of elevators. Discreetly, he passed a keycard over the digital display and the door opened immediately. As they closed, he turned to her.

“I’m sorry for interrupting you out there. No one can know that we’re here. You recognized me. Which, honestly is kind of weird because I’m not famous. It’s my job not to be famous. But, I think you know who you’re here to see. I’m going to need you to stop looking like you might die though, okay? This will be fine.” His classically British accent conveyed authority and kindness.

Jamie hadn’t said a word. Her brain was desperately trying to catch up. She stared at Luke. Gently, he pushed upward on her chin, closing her mouth she didn’t know was open.

“Don’t want flies to get in!”

Her mind replayed the known facts. She pictured the smile. The bright perfection of it. The urgency and secrecy of the visit. Bobby. And now, Luke Windsor, press agent to some of the biggest British stars in the world. Of course, she didn’t actually know him. But, here he was. Which could only mean one thing.

“Is it okay if I call you Jamie?” Luke asked. The elevator had stopped and he pushed a button on the display. He stood directly in front of her and smiled again. An easy, reassuring, and practiced smile.

“Jamie. I need you to take a deep breath.” He took her hand. “You’re here to do a job. You look great. We’re going to get off the elevator and get to work. I promise, this will be fine. Just relax. He’s as brilliant as you think he is.”

Jamie continued to stare at Luke. With a slightly resigned sigh, he pressed a button and the elevator doors opened directly into the suite.

“Hey! We’re back,” he called, stepping out. “I’ve got the miss from the dental lab.”

From around the corner came the very familiar voiced reply.

“Excellent. Bring her in here, will you?”

Jamie didn’t move. She was still in the elevator. Luke stepped back in and put his hand on the small of her back, gently pushing her forward. She took one, stilting step and slowly walked towards the direction from which the voice came as Luke guided her.

Together, they turned the corner and she stopped again. Luke kept his hand in firmly in place on her back as if he was propping up a puppet.

Tom Hiddleston glanced up from the book he was reading. He was casually seated on a plush chair, his impossibly long legs stretched out in front of him and crossed at the ankle. His eyes flicked up to her and then back down to the book as he analyzed the lovely woman in front of him. He was used to the look on her face, but usually it was in a cafe or an airport, not his hotel room. He slid a bookmark in place and stood, covering the distance to her in two long steps.

“Tom, this is Jamie Birch, from the dental lab. She recognized me in the lobby. Apparently, she’s quite the fan of my work.” Luke pushed gently on her lower back again and reflexively, she took Tom’s proffered hand. As she did, she felt a nudge on her knee. She looked down at the chocolate cocker spaniel, whose ears flopped back as he looked up at her.

“Bobby,” she said. She was pretty sure she said it out loud.

Tom laughed. It was like music.

“Ehehehe yes, that’s Bobby I’m afraid. Luckily for you, he’s not the one in need of a dentist. So sorry about the cloak and dagger stuff. We have established that you know my publicist and my dog. I’m Tom.” He still had her hand lightly in his.

Jamie didn’t say anything. She couldn’t even be sure she was breathing. Here she was, clearly exposing herself as some sort of crazed super fanatic, giving away that she’d poured over publicity photos of him. How else would she know Luke and Bobby? That’s what crazy stalkers do. They probably thought she wasn’t even from the dental lab. Any second, Bruce and another security guard would come in here and pick her up and carry her down in a service elevator. Tom had probably already pressed some hidden panic button when she walked in the room.

“I–” she stammered.

“Where are my manners?” Tom said, releasing her hand. “Let me get you some water. Or, tea?”

“I–” was all that came out.

“Both, then. We’ll sit down and have a chat and you can get to work.”

Work?, she thought. Work! Her case was still in her hand and her bag on her shoulder. Luke felt the tension ease in her body a bit as Tom walked to the open kitchen. He gently took her bags and placed them on an ottoman and offered her a seat, then walked out of the room, Bobby trailing after him.

“I’ll just put the kettle on. Why do American kitchens never have electric kettles?” Tom asked her.

“I–” she stammered. Taking a deep breath, she said, “Well, we won the Revolutionary War.”

Tom’s smile and laugh were instantaneous. “That, you did. Yet, here we are, all friends again. I’m glad to hear your voice and your wit, Jamie. Do you mind if I call you that?”

He sat down opposite her. His face was clean shaven and his reddish hair was slightly unruly. He wore black jeans, a dark t shirt with a thin navy sweater over it, and dark sneakers. The sunlight lit up his bright blue eyes as he looked at her. Jamie opened her mouth to speak, but didn’t seem to know any words so she closed it, her lips forming what she hoped was a smile. He continued to gaze at her, seemingly enjoying her unease. They sat in heavy silence and Jamie tried desperately to think of something, anything to say. He was her favorite person in the world and she was speechless. Absentmindedly, he rubbed his long fingertips across his lips as he watched her.

Soft, he thought. The way strands of her hair peeked out from behind her ears. The faint wrinkles on her forehead where her eyebrows had raised in surprise. The curve of her hips as she sat, properly, one ankle tucked behind the other. The hint of a Southern accent in her voice. Everything about her was comfortable, comforting, warm and soft.

The kettle whistled, breaking the spell.

“Cream and sugar?” he asked, popping up and walking back to the kitchenette across the room.

“Yes, please, if you have them,” she replied. Politeness forced her speech to return.

He brought over a small tea set on a tray and set it on a table between them. It was pink and curved, with scalloped edges. Not the kind of set a five star hotel would furnish its kitchen with. Jamie eyed it with suspicious familiarity as Tom poured her tea.

“Don’t tell me you recognize this, as well?” he asked with some surprise.

“It is the official tea set of the Untitled Avengers Film Character Revival Waiting Area,” she replied, with what she hoped was a casual shrug. The picture of Tom and castmate Sebastian Stan was one of the best from the previous weekend’s comic book convention. A fan had set up the picture with Tom and Seb sipping tea while she held up a sign noting it was a waiting area. Both of their characters had died in the most recent film and fans were eager for their resurrection. The picture had become popular and apparently, Tom had kept the tea set.

“Were you in Seattle?” Tom asked with some excitement at the edge of his voice.

“No, I couldn’t take the time off work. I just saw some pictures and video. You–I mean, it, looked great.”

“They’re fun. Getting to meet people who are passionate about my work is fantastic and humbling and usually overwhelming.”

"Then security isn’t going to shoot me with a blow dart and roll me out of here in an industrial laundry cart?” Jamie asked, the tea returning some of her nerve.

“Eheh. No. Luke has a pretty good sense about people. He keeps the trains running. He wouldn’t have let you up if he thought you were going to boil my bunny or something.” His voice was so soft and smooth. One of her favorite things was listening to him narrate books. She closed her eyes as she sipped her tea, listening to him. “I really appreciate your coming down here. It’s probably a good thing that you know who I am and already what I look like so you can help. So, you are a fan, right?”

Jamie smiled at him, her first honestly relaxed smile since she’d met him. He loved how it lit up her face.

“Uh yeah, of the whole Marvel Universe. It’s fun. I’m excited for Ant Man and The Wasp next month. And Captain Marvel next year. I’m thrilled to get more female superheroes.” She purposefully kept her voice level and didn’t mention the films he starred in.

“Did you like Infinity War?” he asked.

“No.” she replied, more softly than intended. “I saw it twice, but no, I didn’t like it.”

He’d started to ask her why, when her phone began to ring in her scrubs pocket.

“I’m so sorry, I thought it was off,” she said, pulling it out. As she fumbled with it, the locked screen faced him briefly. He reached out and took her wrist firmly, turning the screen to him. He didn’t mean to, but he couldn’t help himself. He’d seen his own green and gold armor. Loki. He released her as soon as he realized what he’d done. She didn’t meet his gaze as she put the phone to her ear.

“Just making sure you got there okay and that you still have all of your body parts!” Charlie said, cheerily.

“Yes, we’re fine here. I was just discussing long term treatment goals with the patient. I’ll shoot you a text if we have any questions.” She hung up. Fuck, she thought. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I am so fucking screwed.

Slowly, she raised her eyes back to his face. He was grinning.

“May I see that, please?” He held out his hand.

Really having no choice, she locked the screen again and gave it to him. It was a close up shot of Loki’s chest, wearing his unmistakable armor. The text read I am Loki and I am alone. She smiled sadly at Tom.

“I can just relate to some of his pain, I guess. Neither of us really fit in. And I like bad guys.” Maybe this wasn’t so terrible. It’s just Loki. He’s a wildly popular character! He has an army! Being a fan of Loki was hardly unusual and sort of explained why she knew Luke and Bobby. Maybe she’d get out of this with some dignity.

Tom nodded understandingly, reaching out to give her phone back.

“He’s a guy with a lot of pain. It’s always good to hear some sympathy for him.” His thumb slid across the screen as he passed it to her. Loki disappeared and the home screen appeared. Dressed in a white button up, dark sunglasses and a very tight blue suit, appeared Tom Hiddleston. The real Tom turned the screen back towards him. With a slow smile, he placed it back in her hands.

“Not just bad guys, then.” He made the statement as fact, his voice unmistakably pleased.

[petri808]

Not Again

@random-rave

The Dragneel family decides to have a nice weekend at the waterpark, what could go wrong?​

“You know, Mira mentioned they finally lifted the ban on Fairytail at Ryuzetsu Land, I think that would be a fun trip for the kids.”

“Hell yeah!  A waterpark would be fun, we haven’t gone to something like that in so long.”

“Not since the kids were born,” Lucy smiles and relaxes against her husband’s arm, “and it was still just the two of us.”

He kisses her forehead before tilting his wife’s face towards him, “Akane was a lot of fun,” smirking, “but I think most of our activities centered around the bed that weekend.”

“How could I forget, considering we ended up with two souvenirs from that trip.”

“I know I won’t mind seeing my stunning wife in a bathing suit…”

“Oh please,” she smacks his arm and looks away, “Natsu, you know I’m still a little insecure about the baby weight…”

“Luce,” forcing her gaze back on him, “you are just as beautiful as the day I met you and if anyone says otherwise, they’ll find out what a barbecue chicken feels like.”

“Such the sweet talker,” running her fingers down his chest, “you know Lani’s asleep,” she peaks up from behind her lashes, “and the twins are still at school.”

Gasp!  “Mrs. Dragneel, are you hinting at something naughty?”

She giggles and shrugs her shoulders with a grin, “Why don’t you find out Mr. Dragneel?”

~~~~

As the Dragneel family checks into their inn, Lucy couldn’t help but feel the anxiety creeping over her.  It’s true that in the last 10 years since they’d visited Ryuzetsu Land, Natsu had settled down from the crazy fire ball he was in his youth to a bit more of a family man, but the memories of what he had done still worried her and she hoped the employees won’t remember them.  Lucy leans against the counter as the front desk finishes up the paperwork, watching her husband wrangling their three children.  

Lani, their 2-year-old daughter who sat perched atop her father’s shoulders was the vision of a sweet, little angel compared to her siblings, smiling and holding onto his hair while he struggled to keep a grip on the other two.  Lucy sighed, ‘Nashi and Ryuu…’  Rambunctious was an understatement when trying to describe her fraternal twins, demolition duo was more apt, or the guilds nickname for them, the pyro pair.  Her friends had mentioned Natsu was very much like them at 7 but of course there had only been one of him, there’s two of them, and two meant double the possibility of trouble.  ‘Oh Mavis, please not this weekend…’

‘Okay, towels, changes of clothes, floaties…’  “Does everyone have their bathing suits on?” she calls out to Natsu, who responds with a yeah.  ‘…book to read, diaper bag, keys…’ “Luce, you’re still in your Pj’s.”

“I’ll change in a minute.”  ‘Did I forget anything?’ sifting through her oversized bag, ‘I think I’ve got everything…  Money,’ chuckling to herself, ‘can’t forget that.’  With all their supplies packed, Lucy changes into a swimsuit, then throws one of her husbands oversized shirts on.

A pair of arms wraps around her waist, “Are ya ready now, cause the kids are gonna tear up this room if we take any longer.”

She leans into Natsu’s embrace, “Yeah…” sigh, “I’m ready.”  He kisses the back of her head before releasing her.  Lucy turns now to her two kids as Natsu scoops Lani up from the bed and places her on his shoulders.  “Alright you two,” pointing at the twins, “when we get to the park, you stay by us at all times, no running off on your own, no using your magic what-so-ever.  Got it?”  Nashi and Ryuu look at each other for a couple seconds then back to their mother before nodding like they understood.  Lucy hates it when they do that, like they’re communicating through some telepathic means, she narrows her eyes, “don’t make me call aunty Virgo to come punish you.”

“We promise mom,” Nashi grins

“Yeah, mom,” Ryuu grins as well, “we’ll behave.”

Natsu chuckles and shakes his head, his son sports the same grin as he used to whenever he was up to something Lucy wasn’t going to like.  “You two better listen to your mother, do you wanna get kicked out of the park?  We won’t be able to go back if that happens.”  Even Lucy looks at her husband in shock, where was this restraint 10 years ago when it would have come in handy?  The twins flush and start to fidget making their dad smirk, “That’s right, if you think I don’t know what’s going through your heads think again,” he points at them with his pointer and middle fingers, then back to his own eyes, “I was once your age and I’ve already been there, done that, ask your mom.” They look to see her nodding then turn back at their dad.  “So, think twice before you do anything you’re not supposed to.”

Strolling through the streets of Crocus, Natsu shoulders their belongings while holding his wife’s hand, Lani still riding high while the twins walk in front of them, stopping every so often to look at a vendor or shop window.  So far, so good, just a typical young family on vacation and even Lucy is starting to relax a little.  

“Wow, they really made it like new again!” The wide-eyed blonde scans across the span of attractions.  “You can’t even tell it was destroyed once.”

Nashi looks up at her mom, “Why, who destroyed it the last time?” But she follows the direction of her mother’s eyes and lets out a giggle, “it was daddy huh?”

The slayer just laughs nervously, “It was an accident, and technically it was aunty Erza’s fault for kicking me into the sign, but don’t you dare tell her that!”

The twins grin at their dad, already plotting…  “Alright, alright you two,” Lucy grabs their hands and pulls them along further into the park, “so what do you guys wanna do first, look at the aquarium, try the rides, the pool?”  

“Count me outta the rides,” points out Natsu, “I think I’ll go check out the aquarium with this little one,” squeezing Lani’s chubby legs, “then hang by the pool after.”

Lucy smiles at her baby, whose giggling and already pointing at the fish signs, “I think Lani will love all the fishes.  Well,” she looks down at her two eldest kids, “what’ll it be for you two?”

“Rides!” they both shout at the same time.  

“Hun,” giving Natsu a kiss, “we’ll find you by lunch time okay.”  He kisses his wife back, nods and heads off with Lani towards the aquarium entrance.  Keeping them by the hand, Lucy leads Nashi and Ryuu towards the kids rides, setting the ground rules that she’ll be watching them from one of the nearby lounge chairs and to not leave her sight.  Of course, they nod, agreeing to it all, but she knows better.  “I mean it!  Stay off the adult rides, no trying to sneak on cause you could get hurt and I’d rather enjoy this trip not end up sitting in a hospital.”

“Okay mom…”

“We get it…”

Lucy just sighs, “Then go, I’ll be right there,” she lets go of their hands and points to the chairs.  They waste no time in booking it towards the first ride they see, a medium sized slide while she plops down to watch, pulls off her shirt, adjusting her sunglasses and taking out her book.  

Meanwhile, Natsu and his toddler have made it into the aquarium.  Lani’s eyes grow ever wider as they pass by the glass enclosures filled with colorful marine life.  She pulls on her father’s hair in the direction she wants to go, this way and that, unable to make up her mind each time a new attraction catches her attention, part babbling, part using real words in her excitement.  He just laughs at how wound up she is getting but he knows he needs to watch her carefully.  Lani’s too young to understand how to control her magic and while it’s still not that strong yet, it sometimes comes out by accident and he’d rather not play fire-man in this confined space.  

They stop to watch the dolphins, “aunty Aqua?” Lani points at the glass

“They’re like aunty Aquarius?” he chuckles at his daughters mystified sounding question, “I guess it’s like her, they have similar tails.”  She beams and turns back to the glass, trying to reach out for them.  “Sorry baby, you can’t touch these ones.”  Lani pouts and flattens her palms against the glass, watching the dolphins swim and frolic, a couple even swim up, treading for a moment in front of the child before swimming away again.  That’s when he notices the child has gone a bit quiet.  “Lani?”  But she stares forwards as if concentrating and then he feels the heat rising.  “Lani, don’t…”  Flames burst from her hands, she’s trying to melt the glass!  Natsu quickly pulls her away, “Lani, no!”  She screams in frustration and her whole body erupts in fire.  “Stop that!” he scolds her and sucks up the flames before they can do any damage.  “That’s it, no more dolphins, I think it’s time for the pool little girl.”

Lucy hears a panicked scream and looks up worried her kids had done something, she scans the thongs of children looking for the pink and blonde heads but finds them simply waiting in line for another slide.  Figuring it was a false alarm she goes back to reading her book, every so often checking to see what they are up to.  But after about an hour she starts to relax, maybe they actually listened to her this time, praise Mavis.  

For an indoor facility, they really did a great job making it seem like a beautiful sunny day, ‘maybe too good a job’, Lucy laments as she fan’s herself a bit to cool off.  She adjusts her position on the lounge chair, lowering it just a tad to recline before resuming her reading.        

“Is mom still watching us?” Ryuu whispers to his sister.

“She’s back to her book, but…” Nashi takes a peak and grins, “looks like she’s nodding off.”

Her brother grins too, “wanna try turning the kiddie pool into a jacuzzi?”

“Boring, and dad might be there with Lani.”

“Flaming surfing in the Wave Rider?”

Punching his shoulder, “You’re on!”

About 10 minutes later, sure enough they see their mom’s book propped against her stomach and she’s out cold.  “Let’s go Ryuu, before she wakes back up,” Nashi grabs her brothers hand as the two race-off to the next ride.

Lani is still fussing wanting to go back to the dolphins, trying to squirm out of his grip as he walks over to the kiddie pool.  Natsu breathes a small sigh of relief to see it’s devoid of other kids, not that he wouldn’t want his daughter to find some playmates, it’s just that if she’s grumpy, who knows what she might throw at one of the them.  He affixes water wings to her arms before wading in, and happily once her feet hit the cool liquid she settles a bit.  She squeals, splashing him in the pool as he splashes her back, holding her at the waterline so she can kick and pretend to swim.  “You having fun again baby girl?”

Her giddy squeaks and little burbles having him laughing along with her.  “Want Aunty Aqua play with me too.”

“Lani, he sits down in the chest high water and holds her on his lap, “Aunty Aquarius is not here, and mom is watching your sister and brother.  Maybe after lunch mom can summon her…”

“Aunty Aqua!” the girl cries out and out of nowhere a blast of light temporarily blinds Natsu.

Shielding his eyes and trying to hold the fidgeting child, “What the?”

“Why the hell are you calling me?” Aquarius shouts before realizing something is wrong, “Wait, where is Lucy and how the hell did you summon me without her?”

“It wasn’t me,” he looks down at Lani who is reaching out for celestial spirit, “I think it was her.”

“The child summoned me without a key?”

He nods, “she was asking for you, called out your name and the next thing I know, you’re here.”

“Aunty Aqua!” Lani continues reaching out, wiggling her little digits, “Aunty Aqua!”

“Tch!” the feisty spirit grouses but reaches down and picks up the child who relaxes the second she’s in her aunts’ arms.  “Damn kid,” Aquarius can’t help but smirk a little, “you are gonna be stronger than your mother kid.”

“What makes you say that?”

She levels a glare at Natsu who cringes back, “Tch, cause I ain’t never seen a mage summon one of us without a key before!”

At the Wave Rider, Ryuu and Nashi are sporting boogie boards and using flames to propel them over and through the waves.  “It would be so cool if we could surf just with our feet!” Ryuu calls out to his sister.

“Yeah, but I don’t know if it’ll keep you upright,” laughing, “you might just fly out!”

“What’ll ya give me if I can?”

“How ‘bout nothin’!”  

“Tch, bet you couldn’t do it!”

“Oh yeah!”

“Yeah!  I’ll kick your ass at it!”

“No way a girl’s gonna beat me!”

“This one will!” Nashi pushes her upper body out of the water and flames up her legs, propelling herself up over the water.  “See!”

But Ryuu just cracks up, pointing at her, “The challenge is to surf not float!”

“Shut up!” she lobs a ball of fire at her brother who whacks it away.  “You try it then!”

“I will!” he copies his sister and uses the board as a prop, lighting up his feet, hovering over the water too.  “S-see!” his arms flail a bit trying to maintain an upright position, “I told you…” but he pushes his flames too hard and starts to lift way out of the water.  

“You idiot, control it…”

“Oh crap!” Ryuu is picking up speed…  “I-I can’t focus….”

“Ryuu…” but it’s too late, losing control, Nashi watches as her brother turns into a rocket and shoots towards the big Love Love Slider.  “Oh no, he’s gonna crash into the slide!” Not thinking straight either, Nashi pitches a fire ball at her brother, hoping to knock him off course, but Ryuu sees it coming and panics, flailing his arms to avoid it.  It sails past him and hits the rides large heart shaped entrance while the flames around his legs sputter and sends him crashing into the chute.  Nashi takes off running towards the ride to find her brother, loud cracking sounds begin to reverberate through the park.

Lucy bolts out of her sleep at the loud noises and immediately scans around for her kids.  “Nashi, Ryuu?!”  She turns her head towards the sounds only to see her pink-haired daughter running towards…  Her eyes widen, “Ryuu!” as she sees her blonde-headed son bobbing through the twists and turns of the slides chute.  Lucy takes off in their direction.

“What the hell was that explosion?” Natsu stands up and sees a cloud of gray smoke rising from the big slide.  “Oh shit!”  Something tells him, it’s the kids.

“Go,” Aquarius tells him, “I’ll watch this one,” bouncing Lani in her mini made water spouts.

“Are you…”

“Don’t make me say it twice!”

“Yikes!” he cringes and takes off at a sprint.

“Nashi!” Lucy screams the closer she gets to the ride, searching the now panicking crowds for her daughter, all the while keeping track of where on the ride her son is.  She see’s her husband.  “Natsu!”

“Lucy!” he heads for her first, “What the hell happened?”

“I-I fell asleep and, I don’t know those kids must’a snuck off!  Where’s Lani?”

He sniffs the air and tracks Nashi, “She’s with Aquarius,” he fills his wife in as they run towards their daughter.

“She summoned my spirit, without my key!” running towards the commotion, “of all the times for her to start this up…”

“Tch, can we deal with the mores pressing issue at hand?!” They both grab Nashi whose standing at the base of the slide watching the whole scene in shock.

The young girl, panics when she’s grabbed from behind but as soon as she sees it’s her parents the tears burst free.  “M-mom, I-I’m so-sorry!  We-we were just playing and…”

“Save it kid,” her father cuts her off, “we’ll talk about it after I go save your idiot brother!”  Lucy tightens her hold on Nashi’s arm, “Just stay with your mother!”

The little girl nods, wiping her face of the tears that keep falling.  “Young lady, you two are definitely in big trouble!”

With Natsu racing along the track trying to figure out the best way to reach Ryuu, the frazzled blonde hears deep cracking sounds above them and looks up, eyes bulging when she realizes the giant heart has broken loose and is falling in their direction!  ‘Shit!  Not again!’  Lucy pulls her daughter into her arms, turns to run but it’s too late and the bottom of the heart swings, hits, launching them into the air.  Nashi is screaming, clutching to her mom as the poor woman can only hold tight and pray.  “Close your eyes baby!”

The dragon slayer hears his wife and daughter scream and sees them flying through the air, his heart drops and all the blood rushes from his face, “Lucy!  Nashi!” he turns back towards his son, desperately trying to figure out what to do, who does he save?  “Fuck!”  Realizing his son will simply land in the pool, Natsu turns towards his wife and daughter but sees they have luckily landed on another part of the slide.  He almost stumbles in his stride, uttering a thanks to Mavis that his family will be fine, and books it to the end of the ride.

Lucy braces herself for a bone breaking impact, shielding her daughter with her body, but seconds later a cushioned fall, albeit a wet cushion, followed by the feeling of rushing water breaks her out of panic mode.  She opens her eyes to see they’ve landed in another part of the same slide; it’s like de ja vu without the psycho shouting love rival!  Exhale, “Nashi, we’re gonna be okay.”  Looking down she sees Natsu running towards the pool.  “We just need to ride this out till the end.”  Her daughter clings on nodding, but with a worried and tearful expression and Lucy can’t help but smile that her kid still need’s her for comfort.  They are growing up so quickly…

“Well brat,” Aquarius puts the child back down in the shallow water, ���what do you wanna do while we wait for your parents?”

“Bubbles!” the child squeals and slaps the water a few times, “Aunty Aqua make bubbles!”

“Bubbles, huh?” she waves her hand over the water and soon the kiddie pool is filled with them, frothy white like the ending surge of a wave.  

Lani squeals in giddy repartee as she tries to batt and pop as many as she can, splashing and kicking.  Aquarius tries to hide her amusement at the babbling little girl who looks so much like her mother, minus the pink hair.  Lucy used to be like this when she was younger, her mind taking her back to those days when that lonely child would summon her to play.  ‘Tch, why do kids always do this to me?’  But Lani was such a happy, bubbly child compared that lonely Lucy, Aquarius is secretly pleased that her old friend had found a new group of friends and now has a family of her own, and no matter that she won’t show it, this celestial spirit will always be there for them.  ‘I love these brats like a mother, tch, am I getting softer with age?’      

With all of Lani’s excitement, the bubbles eventually thin away and her babbling turns to frustration again.  But just as Aquarius is about make more the child’s body heats up, the spirits eyes widen in surprise to see the water around the little girl start to simmer.  ‘Is this kid a fire mage too?!’  The heat of the water doesn’t bother the spirit and she just floats there, watching as the simmer turns to a boil and Lani is happily screaming about bubbles again.    

“Oh, ho, so you wanted bigger bubbles?”   A loud boom somewhere in the park makes Aquarius turn briefly, she senses her owner is somewhere in the midst of it, oh well, she was sure she’d be fine, so she looks back to her ward.  “Do you want something bigger?”  When the little girl claps her hands and nods with a beaming smile, Aquarius scoops her up.  “Let’s make a new ride for this park!”

By the time Lucy and Nashi splash down into the pool, she could see her husband and son in an intense conversation with park officials.  Not surprising.  Lucy quickly swims over along with her daughter to keep Natsu from escalating it.  

“What’s going on here?” she asks, still trying to catch her breath.  

Natsu turns to her, “They want to send a bill for all the damage and they said we have to leave.”

“I’m sorry ma’am, but your kids did destroy part of the ride, we’ll need to shut it down for repairs and that costs money.  We don’t want to risk them getting into any more trouble either.”

“But…”

“No Natsu,” she grabs his hand, “don’t, they’re right,” turning to the workers, “but please don’t ban Fairytail again, we’ll make sure you…”  A massive group of screaming has everyone turning their heads to the other side of the park, and immediately Lucy knows, it’s her.    

“What the hell is that?” One of the park employees screams as they watch a tsunami sized wave crest out of the Wave Rider.

“Oh Mavis, is Aquarius crazy!”  Lucy grabs her husband, and thrusts her daughters hand into his, “Here you hold onto them, go get our stuff and I’ll meet you at the exit,” then takes off in the direction of the ride.

When Lucy arrives at the Wave Rider, she climbs to the top of the staging area and sees her spirit holding her daughter and they are surfing the massive waves!  Lani is excitedly screaming and Aquarius is smiling, ‘she’s fucking laughing!’  It’s so rare for Lucy to see Aquarius not just smiling but really, ‘happy…’ that is almost hurt to stop this.  Tears well up at the scene of her daughter and spirit having such a good time, but it can’t go on before any more damage occurs.  “Aquarius!!!”

“Eh?” the spirit turns her head and sees her owner screaming from the, “What!”

“You gotta stop!  You’re gonna break this ride!”

“Tch, Like I care, this brat is having fun and so am I!”

“Please,” Lucy resorts to begging, “Fairytail is gonna kill us for causing another bill,” and tears, maybe tears will work, “Please Aquarius!”

“Ugh!” she rides a final wave towards her owner, inundating her at the same time.  Lucy shrieks and braces for the large wave making her spirit cackle in delight, grinning as her owner wipes at her face and shakes off all the water.  Once composed, she hands Lani over.  “Next time don’t make me babysit!”

“T-Thank you Aquarius,” Lucy takes her child who’s unaware of the havoc they had just created.  “I’m sorry Lani summoned you…”

“Keh!  I had fun with the brat,” grin, “but you’re gonna have your hands full with her.  Damn kid can summon without a key, I’m guessing she’s a dragon slayer like her old man too.”

Lucy blinks, “You had fun,” her eyes moist over again, “you know when we take them to the beach, i-if you want to play with Lani…”

“Tch, maybe…  If I’m not on a date,” she smiles and messes up Lani’s hair, “behave for your mom you little brat,” before disappearing.

Lani starts to cry when Aquarius leaves, “Aunty Aqua…”

“Oh baby,” Lucy cradles her daughter, “you’ll see her again, but you can’t just summon aunty whenever you feel like it...”

Of course, the moment the hotel room door closed behind the Dragneel family, both parents laid into their twins about all the destruction and chaos they had caused.  The kids cried, nothing new, promised not to do it again, Lucy wasn’t holding her breath as she sighed and couldn’t help but remind herself she should have seen this coming when she decided to have kids with of all people, Natsu.  It really was no surprise to the couple that the park was going to send a bill to Fairytail and threatened to ban the guild once again but hopefully they won’t punish everyone for one family’s crazy kids.  As for Lani, whether the two-year-old really understood what they were trying to explain would remain to be seen.

After punishments we’re dished out, everyone had bathed, and kids were out cold, the weary couple sits on their own bed ready to pass out.  Lucy leans against her husband, eyes closing, while his arms hold her tight and rests his head against hers.  “Luce,” he chuckles, “I guess now I know how you all must have felt when I destroyed the park.”

She snorts, “you mean every time you destroy something.”

“Am I really that bad?”

“You were, but you’ve mellowed with age,” cuddling closer, “but you did always make things more exciting and I love you for that.”

He kisses the top of her head then shifts them on their sides under the blankets, “of all the missions and bad guys we’ve dealt with over the years, I think our kids top them all.”

Lucy yawns through a laugh, “very true.”

“But do you regret having these kids… with me?”

She turns around and grabs his face, “idiot, don’t you ever think that!  Yes, it drives me a little crazy, but I married you fully aware of what I was getting into, and I’ll never regret any of it.”

Moisture pools in Natsu’s green hues.  He never thought that the love he felt for this woman could grow any deeper but the conviction behind her eyes…  Mavis it makes him burns hotter than any fire he’s ever dared to consume.  Well he did dare, didn’t he…  

“Dear God woman, what did I ever do to deserve you?” pulling her in for a round of kisses, “gah… I wish… we had a separate room!”

[light-and-heartful]

When I saw this picture of, I was kind of surprised to find Mini Wolf/Mini Loup has an older brother, before I found out it was just a page from a Mini-Loup themed English Language book for kids cause I saw some of the later books having Mini Wolf entering a new grade and Leloo looking like a little girl around the age between 3 & 5, which is kind of a shame cause I had an idea for the later seasons to include the brother, Mini-Wolf actually has an older brother who I guess comes home from college, and I imagine the premiere episode taking place after Paolo went back home with his dad (yeah, long story short his dad comes visit him, but it turns out he's been released from jail, and Mini-Wolf over hears it and accidently starts across town, and eventually leads to the uncle getting sent for questioning, Paolo hearing that his father's been in prison through the Uncle's one phone call to the house and Mini Wolf answering it, then the Uncle escaping, and being confronted in the town square but Paolo plays back the message to everyone revealing he's changed, the two make up, and Paolo decides it's time for him to go home with his dad, and they have a big going away party that Suzie organized), and it would have the brother coming home, and seeming like he's the best guy ever, but Leloo overhears him say that the reason he came home is because he failed college and doesn't want to admit his parents, and when Leloo tries to tell her parents, and Mini Wolf believes she's just jealous cause he's getting all the attention now, and when Leloo says she isn't, the just tell Leloo to go to her room and she just cries in bed, and as the brother hears her crying he admits the truth to his parents, and they forgive him & decide to let him stay and help him work through it and they hug it out and the brother would be kind of like a guy who kind of nervous all the time cause he doesn’t want to get hated but he’s also kind of gets a little obsessive sometimes (kind of like teenage version of Bob Beltcher mentor to Mini Wolf, another episode is where Mini Wolf starts to be excited to move to the next grade & tries to show he's grown up by trying to act like an adult, an episode where Leloo's preschool class is going on a sleepover field trip to the aquarium the only problem is she doesn't like to use public restrooms & unlike Mini-Wolf  and the brother who doesn't like using public restrooms ether but can hold it until they get home, she ends up having accidents so she has to wear diapers when they go out and their parents just get embarrassed everytime she has one, and the parents wants all three of them to try to use public restrooms but he doesn't want to so he get her to do it himself and the brother just ignoring it cause he doesn't like to mention and on the night of the of the field trip cause she's been wanting to pet a dolphin all year, but is still nervous about going to a public restroom, and when she hears that Mini-Wolf doesn't like going to public restrooms too and the brother keeps ignoring, she gets a bit mad at them as she needs to go and just stand there looking at the door trying to hold it, she tells the teacher that she wants to go home, and when they call her parents, the two brothers are just sitting there playing video games but can't focus cause they're worried about Leloo, and when they get the call, the brothers decide to go pick her up, only it turns out the brothers just a big jug of soda from a gas station on the way there, and decides to use the Aquarium's restroom, and when she hears that Leloo wants to try too, so they did, Leloo gets to stay, and the next day she gets to pet a dolphin along with the other students who are taking turns

I also had an idea for an episode where Mini-Wolf and Lou try out for the Middle School football team (cause this would take place in the later seasons with the brother and all that), and Mini-Wolf getting in but Lou not even though they did equally well, and when Mini-Wolf mother hears about Lou being unfairly treated and after having a discussion with the coach, Mini-Wolf's mother decides to get Lou's Mother & Father involved with the school board at the next meeting, and after some back and forth and Lou’s Father threatening to sue the school if they don't let her play, Lou's on the team which causes the team to hate Mini Wolf & Lou cause now they have to work extra hard and have less breaks (with the coach being especially hard on the two) and the team hating both of them, the town getting arguments about if women should play football (even the adults who are fans of school sports), and it turns out Mini Wolf and Lou has to play on separate teams in a practice game where the coach judges as they play and decides who gets to stay on the team or not, and as Mini-Wolf's mother feels a bit embarrassed that she caused all this, Mini-Wolf & Lou decide that during the game they pretend it's a video game with over the top moves, imaginary power ups, etc (cause when the episode starts they were playing a video game that's like if Super Mario finally made a football game to "practice a bit" until the father decides to train Mini Wolf) and the episode ends with the crowd enjoying it, and Mini-Wolf's parents saying "That's our son" to one of the parents sitting next to them

lastly when I woke up one morning, I came up with an idea for a Christmas Special for the series, where Mini Wolf has a Groundhog Day Situation on Christmas Eve (like everytime he goes to be he relives the same thing over and over again as if what happened in the past never happened) and there's a plot where Mini-Wolf has been trying to open his presents early all December long and his Father is frustrated at him, and there's a big Christmas Party with the family at the house, and one of the times he relieves it he misses it to win the finals of a neighborhood Snowball tournament (cause the first time he misses the tournament for the party cause he wants to be on his dad's good side, and his friends get mad at him cause they lost) and the parents aren't mad at him for missing they're just a little bit sad that they didn't spend with their son, and when Mini Wolf thinks he's broken the cycle by winning the tournament, it keeps happening over and over again, until he gets and knows everything that's going to happen, but when he realizes he can get away with almost anything, he gets his grandpa to shoot snowballs at stacked cans outside when they arrive even though the grandpa has been having a sore back even though he says it's fine but his parents tell him no, but one run Mini-Wolf has Mini-Wolf showing him the back way to where no one will know, and when Grandpa knocks down the cans and celebrates he ends breaking his back, screaming loudly, and everyone coming outside & calling 911 as Mini Wolf just stands there shocked and ashamed, as Mini-Wolf just sits in his room silently, his mother comes in to check up on him saying that she and his father are home, and Grandpa is doing well, and his mother tries to comfort him as she tells him that you didn't mean to break his back, but Mini Wolf needs to learn to think of others first, and she leaves him to go to bed & Mini Wolf asks if his father wants to say goodnight, the mother says he's in a lot pressure right now and when Mini Wolf goes downstairs at night and sees the note saying "Mini-Wolf, don't open these till X-Mas" the till X-Mas has been crossed out and replaced with replaced with a very bold "EVER!!!!!", and as Mini Wolf goes back upstairs thinking that everyone thinks he's the black sheep of the family, and then says "Well it's time for this sheep to get his hair done" and when he wakes up the next day he's still in the cycle and instead of trying to open his presents again like he's been trying every possible way to do and failing when he wakes up in the morning, he instead makes a breakfast of toaster waffles and microwave bacon for his father, and for the rest of the day he tries to be the best boy ever, including cleaning his room for the guests to arrive, telling his friends what to do to win the Snowball fight, socializing with his family at the party some more (even to laughing at an embarrassing moment his mother mentions), and even convincing Leloo to try the turkey her mom made as the mother's been trying make her eat more food but doesn't want to try them when he tells her that eating foods can give you super powers (he's talking about Health Benefits), and when his father gets more and more suspicious he yells at Mini Wolf saying he's not falling for this good guy act, and tells him to go to his room, and as soon as he does silently, the rest of family gives the father the mean stare and him just being a bit embarrassed, and when Mini Wolf is just laying in bed sad that he even when he's nice he can't make everyone like him, and when his dad hears this, and it turns out he actually broke the cycle and it's Christmas Day with thinks it was all dream, he comes down sad as he opens his presents and his father says "See, isn't it better to be patient", and after every present has been opened, the father gives Mini-Wolf one last present that he made last night, and it's framed picture of his old preschool drawing, Mini-Wolf just hugs him & say "Merry Christmas" and they have a merry christmas as the credits sequence them showing the whole family spending together

sorry if this was long, but do you think this would be good?

[shywitchiness]

50 questions with Fall

1:what do you think is the worst creation ever made?

Fall: me 

Me: T^T 

Fall: jk im the best I mean have u seen me?? im  H O T....but to answer the question I’ll say adult diapers lol its weird, but also Persephone

Me: she will fully fight u lmao 

Fall: im ready I have the power of Aphrodite and anime on my side 

2: whats your favorite genre of music?

Fall: lets say rock?? or the type of music Panic! At the Disco does

3:if you could be any other entity, what would you be?

Fall: Idk? Lewi can freakin change into any reptile/amphibian he wants to?? that would be cool...ill take whatever he's having 

4: how many times do you think you have seen a beluga whale (in pictures or otherwise)?

Fall: lol they look lie dumb dolphins, but bc they look dumb they are cute

5:what is your favorite time of day?

Fall: late at night

6: when do you think is the best time to take a nap?

Fall: NEVER bc everyone messes with me when I sleep *glares at hen*

Hen: WHY IS EVERYONE CALLING ME OUT?

Fall: I guess its Ana too lol

7: how flexible are you on a scale from 1-10?

Fall: 1000 do u wanna see me do the splits

8: how many fingers do you have?

Fall: the full 10

9:how many fingers do you want?

Fall: 20 double the amount double the stuff I can do 

10: would you rather get rid of your left arm(/left fin/other left extremity) or like half of all your body hair?

Fall: body hair

11:would you rather have a hamster or a guinea pig?

Fall: can I say both??? I like small things

12: would you rather eat a rose quartz point or eat a selenite tower?

Fall: Ele says rose quartz makes u all lovey but im already that *winks* so ill say a selenite tower 

13: would you rather have your whole body to be shaved like a barber pole or have to wear crocs on your hands and feet for the rest of your life (cant ever take em off…they grow with u)?

Fall: *dies of laughter* CROCS LOLLLL ill say shaved

14: how many times in a day do you wash your hands?

Fall: all the times

Me: ?????

Fall: ALL THE TIMES

15: do you prefer rings or necklaces

Fall: necklaces

16: how many times in ur life have u ever wanted to yodel?

Fall: what the fuck??? never???

17: do you prefer chocolate or fruity candy?

Fall: hmmm neither??? but ill say chocolate?? do I like chocolate??

18: whats your favorite animal?

Fall: ME....*whisper* in bed 

Me: SHUT

19: if you had to ride an animal for the rest of your life, what animal would it be?

Fall: I don't know im feeling an elephant or an eagle

20:are you an alto or soprano?

Fall: I guess an alto?

21: what is your opinion on shopping?

Fall: its nice when u are shopping for a gift

22: how would you feel if everything you ate for the rest of your life was the texture of sand?

Fall: I would feel terrible 

23: how would you feel if everything you drank for the rest of your life was the texture of oil paint?

Fall: I would puke

24: how many times in your life have you tap danced?

Fall: once....right now

25:do you prefer the moon or the sun?

Fall: the moon and the sun I guess

26: what is your opinion on water?

Fall: Lewi is always swimming in it

27: how disgusting is the pulp in fruit juice on a scale from 1-10? (dont try to lie and say its good….its bad)

Fall: I actually don't mind it at all?? so a 1

28: what is your favorite flavor of chewing gum?

Fall: cinnamon or mint

29: how well can you juggle?

Fall: im good at juggling 100%

30: what are the top 3 instruments you’d like to learn how to play?

Fall: drums? the bass? and?? I GOT IT!!! the harmonica

31: would you rather be the size of an ant for the rest of your life or the size of a giant every day for two random consecutive hours of the day?

Fall: a giant I don't need people stepping on me

32:what type of clothing would u get rid of if you could?

Fall: umm see-through shoes

33: what 4 similarities can you think of for an alligator vs a peacock?

Fall: vicious, diabolical, they lurk, and are definitely pervs

34: what color would you want your tongue to be if you could change it

Fall: blue or purple

35: whats your opinion on reading?

Fall: it kills brain cells specifically Hen’s *high fives Ele* 

36: do you prefer the word snuggle or cuddle and why?

Fall: cuddly bc bree is cuddly 

Me: y’all are gross

37: how many hairs do you think you have on your body?

Fall: many??

38: what is cooler? tarot or lenormand?

Fall: lenormand

Me: do u even no what that is?

Fall: no 

39: what is the coolest “mythical” creature?

Fall: griffins 

40: if you could change your height/size, what would you change it to?

Fall: I would keep myself just the way I am bc im perfect

Me: trashhhhh

41: what is your favorite cartoon?

Fall: lol Teen Titans....Go

Me: omg Fall stop being controversial 

42: what is a place you’d like to visit in the world?

Fall: lolll Brees house okay jk but umm Europe or Asia in general

43: what is your opinion on daylight savings time?

Fall: it doesn't really affect me I go to sleep at the same time regardless

44: would you rather have to climb a tree like a monkey or like a big cat?

Fall: lol a monkey

45: how do you feel about man buns?

Fall: ehhhhhhhh

46: if you had to eat one bug for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Fall: that bug from that one nature doc that lights up 

47: what genre of music is cursed (aside from country)?

Fall: that one where they are screaming and also cutesy songs

48: would you rather have to wear one glove for the rest of your life or one sock

Fall: sock 

49: what color would u want to paint your nails if you had to?

Fall: Burgundy or red bc like me its fiery 

50: how much do you love your companion?

Fall: she's alright I guess

Me: awwww I love u too

( questions by @lulloph )

[nickelbackfanfiction]

Part II

The sun sets on an empty stretch of forgotten highway.  There, amidst the downed sycamores and overturned cars, stands the silhouette of a man outlined in the red fury of evening sun.  

From his back he pulls a guitar, void black and etched in the shimmering gold characters of a language long since forgotten by modern man.  

His arm raises high into the dying light, pausing for a moment as a white moth chances to land upon his outstretched fingertips.  He strikes the guitar with a force strong enough to send shockwaves rippling down the road, debris and detritus sent bouncing toward the heavens before crashing back down in a heap.  

A lightning bolt cracks the sky and slams into him, sending outward a sparking crazed collective of electric blue tendrils.  

Suddenly the sun shoots violently skyward, growing redder and larger as it reaches a zenith directly above the man’s head.  Birds explode upward from unseen hiding places, threatening to blot out the unnatural daylight.  

A voice tears through the cacophony, holding a commanding tone of total clarity, echoing and building, shattering asphalt, glass and animal alike.  In the moments before overwhelming awe and resonating frequencies collaborate to break the rhythm of beating hearts, creatures large and small alike place the beginnings of the chorus of their oblivion.  

“Look at this photograph,”  

Nickelback has returned.

---

It was crazy to see Nickelback again after all this time.  Especially since I was doing about ninety miles per hour down the highway, and Nickelback was running twenty over the speed limit alongside my car.  

I waved at Nickelback and he waved back at me and then he reached down and when he came back up he was holding up a baby diaper full of PCP and pointing at it and while winking repeatedly and suggestively.  

‘That wiley Nickelback, still up to all his old tomfoolery.’ I thought with faux-exasperation and like a cutesy scrunched up face and head nod at the camera so you know my expression is fake exasperated and not real exasperated.

I knew it was time to hang out with my best friend Nickelback again when my car careened through a barrier and Nickelback and me were flying through the sky over the city and Nickelback pulled out his guitar and super-slammed out the opening chords of Nickelback’s hit famous song Photograph and that’s when I saw it flashing across the sky in the fireworks flying out of Nickelback’s guitar,

‘THE TIME I DID PCP WITH NICKELBACK PART II: THE NICKELBACKENING’

---

Shit was about to get real.  

At least that’s what Nickelback kept shouting in my ear over and over.  

Nickelback was holding me in a reverse bearhug and we were torpedoing toward the dorms of the College School for Adults.  What PCP Nickelback couldn’t cram down my throat he was violently inhaling up his own nose so he didn’t have to stop shouting at me while he did it.  

Me and Nickelback must have crashed through like at least eight floors before we stopped RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE GIRLS LOCKER ROOM.  

FOR REAL.  

We knew we were in Boob City, USA right away.  

Me and Nickelback immediately got up and started flexing immediately.  We must have high fived like four thousand times.  At least.  All the girls were naked and cheering the entire time.  Nickelback saw so many boobs he went Super Saiyan for a minute.  Somewhere around the third hour of cheering and flexing and comparing boners, the cops came in the locker room to tell Nickelback to play Photograph.  Everyone knew all the lyrics.  It was awesome.

Pretty soon the whole building collapsed because word got around town that Nickelback was in the girls locker room and everyone kept trying to get into the building to hear Nickelback play Photograph.  Nickelback still probably played it like 34 times.  No one got tired of it.  

Most of the people were twitching on the floor in a state of involuntary religious ecstasy from being so close to Nickelback when the building collapsed so it's not a big deal because that’s how most people say that they want to die anyways according to National Polling.  Me and Nickelback were fine though cause of the PCP and also we know you’re supposed to flex hard as fuck in a building collapse to survive and we both flex hard as fuck.  

Me and Nickelback fist bumped back and forth with both hands in the rubble and it looked super cool but after about fifteen minutes of checking to see if anyone was watching we decided to stop.  

Nickelback said he knew about a hard rocking rock and roller rock party happening across town and if anyone knows about a hard rocking rock and roller rock party it's for sure Nickelback the undisputed by anyone number one hard rocking rock and roller rocker on the entire planet.

Nickelback ran in front of a passing city bus and launched himself like a magnificent dolphin-man through the windshield and then out of the back of the bus and then through the windshield of a bus behind it and I guess that somehow kept happening for a minute despite how unrealistic it sounds cause Nickelback pushed off real hard with his legs which are like pythons or a strong animal that’s more leg shaped than a python.  

Eventually Nickelback got slowed down enough and crashed through one more bus windshield and landed next to the driver.  Pretty soon, the bus rolled over to me and the door opened up and fog spilled down the stairs and confetti shot everywhere and when it cleared there was Nickelback.  

Nickelback was covered in glass and when the light hit him just right he looked like disco ball made out of sweaty meat.  I swear on a brutal awful prolonged death to all my closest friends and family that it was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.  

Nickelback threw the driver down at my feet and beckoned me onto the bus, taking the now unoccupied seat behind the wheel.  

Someone started to ask to get off the bus but Nickelback turned around and spit right in her stupid mouth.  

Fuck you Sharon.  

“Come with me if you want to rock and roll.”  Nickelback said to me from the driver’s seat before explaining to everyone that it was a Terminator reference.  The whole bus did Arnold impressions for like an hour and one guy definitely was doing a Tim Allen but it was a good impression so no one minded.  

Nickelback peeled out with the bus and the back end fishtailed it super hard like in The Fast and the Furious Tokyo Drift and this one guy who was in the way got swatted into next week.

It was crazy when we saw him again on another crazy adventure that we had next week.  

---

It wasn’t looking like things were gonna end well for the passengers on the bus.  Most of them were already unconscious or concussed from all the sick ramps that Nickelback was ramping off of rampantly.  Ramps.  But now we were about to hit a Hot Wheelz style loop de loop that the taxpayer bailout essentially paid for when Nickelback told me “Better bail out if you want to live,” and then explained that it was a Terminator reference.  

That’s when I saw that the lousy SOCIALIST HITLER GOVERNMENT still hadn’t finished installing the boost pads that you absolutely need to have on a loop de loop track like this if you ever want to get a bus or a semi or like a dinosaur with race car wheels to fully clear the loop.

We bailed a big one.

And we weren’t going to make it.  

I didn’t know what was going to hurt more, the impact onto the concrete below or the loss of faith in the inner workings of our government I was sure to have later on once I started considering all the bureaucratic red tape that had so clearly failed us and every citizen of this fine nation who wants to wang hard around loop de loops.  

The bus, to it’s credit, was hard working and AMERICAN made before it inevitably exploded into a searing inferno about twenty feet behind where me and Nickelback landed.  It looked pretty cool but I guess me and Nickelback had probably seen bigger explosions.  

Both our legs had sunk to the knee into the concrete when we landed because we were flexing hard as fuck.  We looked at each other, each clearly contemplating the chaotic scene before them.  

Nickelback high fived me so hard he broke my arm in three places.

We set off on foot.  Well, I did.  Nickelback insisted on riding my shoulders.  It was like that Jesus poster with the footprints but maybe the opposite because while I’m not sure that Nickelback is the literal son of God, I know for sure that if he put a gun to my head I’d for sure say that he is.  For sure.

Me and Nickelback decided that it was probably time for Nickelback to go incognito because too many people were always going “Hey that’s Nickelback!” and then trying to follow us and get Nickelback to play Photograph.  

Then we did a montage of Nickelback trying on all sorts of different outfits and the camera would cut to me every time and I’d like shrug or shake my head or something like really exaggerated until one of them I gave a knowing nod to like ‘hey that look that you’re wearing is the look that you should get Nickelback.’  

Walking on Sunshine was playing the whole time.  I don’t know where it was coming from.

Nickelback had picked out one of the potted plants from the front entrance of the mall as his incognito outfit that I helped pick out in the montage I just talked about.  Nickelback put his legs through holes he made in the bottom and the lip of the clay pot came up to just under his nipples.  His face came out through the fern in the pot and he was wearing one of those explorer hats because we both thought that was the fashion look that most suited him and also our needs to be outside as Nickelback without everyone asking you to play Photograph all the time.

Also Nickelback could pull his arms and legs into the pot and it was like he was a turtle and shit fuck if Nickelback doesn’t love turtles I swear to god he is always yelling at the top of his lungs at homeless people about how much he fucking loves turtles.

Nickelback couldn’t believe how normal life was when he was a potted plant instead of Nickelback.  I showed him all the normal guy things that I do and no one bothered us because it wasn’t weird and they didn’t know he was actually Nickelback because his disguise was so good.

Eventually Nickelback said that we needed to find some wheels and shades.  I agreed wholeheartedly with Nickelback because it’s impossible to say no to Nickelback because he’ll just spit in your mouth before you can get the word out.  

We found a bunch of skater punks skating and Nickelback challenged them to a skate off for their skateboards.  They didn’t know he was Nickelback or otherwise they probably would have never accepted.

I’d never even seen half the tricks that Nickelback was doing to shred gnar at the skate off.  

All the skaters had their expectations subverted because before this they all thought that a potted plant couldn’t skateboard but later they realized that they were just prejudiced and Nickelback showed them something ugly inside of themselves.  

They were never mean to potted plants again.  

At one point Nickelback did a kickflip so hard that it broke open a hole in spacetime that we had to staple shut like pretty quick once the screams coming out of it got too annoying for Nickelback to concentrate.  

Nickelback finally locked in his win with a trick called the Nickel Backflip which was so cool that one of the skaters literally pooped their pants and some say is still pooping their pants to this very day.  

One by one all the skaters gave Nickelback their skateboards and Nickelback told them that we needed their shades too and we got the sweetest shades they were like the Blues Brothers ones.

After we shackled all the boards to the bottom of Nickelback’s newly coined Nickelpot we put on our sweet shades and took off to find the biggest hill in town which was right where we were anyway.  We didn’t have to go anywhere or do anything interesting or grow at all as people to achieve our goal.

I asked Nickelback if this was the way to the hard rocking rock and roll party and Nickelback said “Where we’re going we don’t need no stinking party,” and I started to ask if that was a Scarface reference but Nickelback spit in my mouth.

While I was fastening myself hard to the back of the Nickelpot like one of those Garfield window things Nickelback was like “Come with me if you want to rock,” and pushed us off down the biggest hill in town and then explained that he was doing a Terminator reference.  

The biggest hill in town was called 8 Mile Hill after the Eminem movie but was actually only six miles long on a good day.  The city government got real into the real Slim Shady for a minute and was always bleaching their hair and quoting Slim at meetings and stuff.  

It was the best government this city has ever elected.  Over and over and over again.

8 Mile Hill was so steep that when Guinness came to measure how steep it was their steepness measuring machine exploded and they decided to go home and get another one to replace it but then got distracted by the new Nintendo and never came back.  

It was steep as fucking fuck.

We were probably breaking the sound barrier by the time we hit mile three down 8 Mile Hill in the Nickelpot judging by all the car alarms and glass exploding like a hurricane behind us.  A lot of people’s ears were bleeding which was terrible because they’d never be able to listen to Nickelback but also maybe a good thing because Nickelback did it to them.  Also we were leaving those cool flame strips in the ground behind our wheels cause of how fast we were going.  

Nickelback was hard core doing that thing where your cheeks go all wobbly from air hitting them and must have eaten like a hundred bugs accidentally outside of the ones he kept eating on purpose.  

Right when I felt like my grip on the Nickelpot and my own sanity was at it’s limit Nickelback looked back at me and gave me a thumbs up snapping me back to reality right before leaning back and vomiting up a torrent of living flies into the evolving chaos behind the Nickelpot.  I lost count of how many flies there were even though I was definitely trying real hard because Nickelback tends to get irrationally angry and specific about the amounts of things that people remember him doing.

Somewhere around mile four of 8 Mile Hill I saw Nickelback like concentrating real hard and clenching his fists and I was pretty sure he was either pushing out a doo doo brown or trying to go Super Saiyan again.

Imagine my surprise when a pair of moths wings made from pure white light burst from Nickelback’s shoulder blades.

His new Nickelwings kept growing larger and larger until eventually they stretched the entire width of the road.  Pretty soon they were so massive that they were cutting their way through all the buildings on either side of 8 Mile Hill.  When they’d reached about a hundred feet each Nickelback looked back at me and tipped his sunglasses.  Nickelback was like “Come with me if you want to fly,” and then explained that it was a Terminator reference as his Nickelwings started flapping and the Nickelpot took off into the skies above the city gaining supernatural speed and altitude with every passing second.

I clung onto the Nickelpot with my suction cup hands as I looked down on the city below us.  Nickelback had produced an acoustic guitar from somewhere within the Nickelpot.  The night was still, save the lulling sound of Nickelback’s giant gossamer Nickelwings slowly flapping through the sparse cloud cover, of Nickelback methodically tuning his guitar to the tune that Photograph is in.

It was the most at peace I have ever been with myself that moment.  I felt like this was probably what the Buddha felt underneath the tree and then I decided that the Buddha was probably a Nickelback fan because he could see the future and therefore Nickelback and from there it was basically a given.

Slowly, Nickelback looked back at me, his head trimmed by the moonlight streaming in from behind him.  Smiling, he took his glasses and flung them down at the city below.

I watched them tumble for an eternity.  The moon's reflection bouncing its way across their glossy surface.  Growing smaller and smaller still as they fell away from me.

And then they were gone.  

Looking back up at Nickelback I noticed that his pupils had dilated to fill almost the entirety of the visible space behind his eyelids.  I found my breath catch in my throat as I felt some part of myself pulled deep into the dark pools on his face.

Nickelback started speaking to me in every language at once.  

Nickelback’s black hole eyes bore into and past me, past even the me I knew of as myself.  I could feel Nickelback connecting with some form of myself disconnected from time.  

Myself as a child searching a dark room only to find eyes staring back at me from some recessed space.  

A sea of future selves feeling a piercing but unseen glare from some shadowy treeline or darkened alleyway as they succeed or fail in a universe of infinite possibilities.

And I could feel myself start sinking inward toward some primordial core of being, even as somewhere, some me, felt my hands slowly losing their grip on the big Garfield plungers tethering me to the Nickelpot.  

And there, infinitely deep down, I saw it, the essence of existence itself, clear as day.  So simple.

And suddenly I was Buddha, I was Christ, I was a disconnected soul reuniting with the Godhead.  

And all the while Nickelback’s raving in infinite languages became louder and more manic, becoming a frantic shriek, a madman’s rush of words pouring forth, a deafening roar.  

Somewhere inside me I was aware that I was screaming too, my face now barely an inch from Nickelback’s, my vocal cords being driven to the point of snapping.  I could feel my body about to shatter from the pressure as every atom of my being began to vibrate violently.  

I lose my grip and slowly begin falling back away from the ascending Nickelpot.  

Time slows.

Way the fuck down.

Nickelback’s eyes never leave mine as he straps on his guitar.  It’s void black and covered in the an incomprehensible gold lettering.  In slow motion I watch him twist one last tuning peg in place, sending a wave of light cascading down through the gold etchings of the instrument.

Nickelback’s wings are so big, how did they ever get so big?  

Suddenly the torrent of words erupting from Nickelback’s mouth ceases, his pupils shrink back down, revert to normal but continue shrinking to sharp black points before disappearing entirely.  

The night is so still again.  A comet lazily arcs its way down to earth and I fall with it.

“It’s time.”  Nickelback says, smiling down at me as I careen through the wispy cloud cover below him.

As Nickelback brings his hand down on the guitar for the opening part of Photograph his Nickelpot explodes off of him like an improvised explosive device.  And I don’t have time to register the first pressure wave from the blast before the concussive force rockets up through his wings and shatters them into a billion pieces.  

Nickelback rides naked atop eight skateboards in an arc past the moon surrounded by a swarm of iridescent feathers hovering in the abyss like a starfield.  

His guitar echoes out into the expanse above the city, causing the points of light around him to dance in an eerie rhythm as they defy gravity and logic to become a swirling gyre around the man within their mass.  

And suddenly the feathers race inward and coalesce around Nickelback’s naked form, a brilliant sphere of light masking the man underneath.

As I tumble through the clouds I watch that sphere of light explode outward from Nickelback, carried by a wave of the song Photograph emanating from its core, played as if ripped from a realm of platonic ideals.

I watch a flock of passing birds evaporate as the pure unadulterated Nickelbackening overtakes and consumes them.  

I can’t know if it’s the ground or that sphere of destruction that I’ll meet first, but I no longer care.  

Just as it seems I’m about to make contact with mother earth, I’m finally caught by that bubble of rapidly expanding light.  

Photograph resonates deep down into the vibrating pieces that constitute my existence.  I have become Photograph.  I have become a part of Nickelback itself.  I am at peace before annihilation.  

For a brief moment I watch as the city around me is ripped apart by the forces of Nickelback’s power.  

My world is light and a roar of white noise.  

I am gone.  

I am in my car.  

In a ditch.  

I hang stupidly upside down from my seat looking at a small white flower peeking through my broken windshield.  A moth emerges from it’s inner folds.  I watch it flutter out through my passenger window and up toward the moon.

[motiongraphicsdeantemjit]

Task 1 - Research

What is plastic?

Plastic is a type of synthetic or man-made polymer; similar in many ways to natural resins found in trees and other plants.

The history of plastic goes as far back more than 100 years; however, when compared to other materials, plastics are relatively modern and new. Over the century, the usage of plastic has enabled society to make huge technological advances. Although plastics are thought of as a modern invention, there have always been “natural polymers” such as amber, tortoise shells and animal horns. These materials behaved like today’s manufactured plastics and were often used similarly to the way plastics are currently applied. 

Plastic has been of use for daily tasks to our most unusual needs, and have increasingly provided the performance characteristics that fulfil consumer needs at all levels. 

References: https://plastics.americanchemistry.com/Lifecycle-of-a-Plastic-Product/

Plastic life cycle

In the present time, plastic is everywhere around us. Plastic has existed for the last 60 to 70 years; however, it has transformed everything from packaging to product design and retailing. The downside of it is that plastics are designed to last and nearly all plastic that has been created exists in some form even today. Plastic could end up in the ocean, and it could take hundreds of years to break it down, if at all.

Plastic bag - 20 years

Coffee cup - 30 years

Plastic straw - 200 years

6-pack plastic rings - 400 years

Plastic water bottle - 450 years

Coffee pod - 500 years

Plastic cup - 450 years

Disposable diaper - 500 years

Plastic toothbrush - 500 years

Plastic bag

plastic bags pose one of the greatest ocean wildlife as there have been many reports on wildlife animals mistaking it as food, for example, sea turtle. Even though they only make up a small percentage of our litter, they can break up into smaller pieces

Takeaway coffee cups

Coffee cups are not recyclable due to the plastic membrane that lines them and can take up to 30 years to degrade.

6-pack plastic rings

When one of these things in up in the ocean, they can be devastating to our marine wildlife who get entangled.

Plastic bottles

The energy required to produce and transport plastic water bottles could fuel an estimated 1.5 million cars for a year, yet approximately 75% of water bottles are not recycled – they end up in landfills, litter roadsides, and pollute waterways and oceans.

Plastic cups

The chemical bonds of plastic cups make them durable, but also resistant to breaking down. Moreover, they can also release toxic chemicals over time into the environment and are more likely to be ingested by vulnerable marine wildlife.

Disposable diapers

Disposable diapers need to be exposed to oxygen and sunlight in order to decompose, and they don’t decompose well in a landfill. Once in a landfill, they can contaminate groundwater, posing serious threats to the environment.

Coffee Pods

These coffee pods can take up to 500 years to break down because of the plastic that’s inside them, and it is releasing harmful amounts of methane gas as it is breaking down.

Plastic toothbrush

3.5 billion toothbrushes are sold worldwide each year. Most get lost in the recycling process and end up in a landfill or make their way into rivers and oceans. These toothbrushes are made from polypropylene plastic and nylon and can take up to 500 years or more to decompose.

How does plastic get into the ocean?

There are more than eight million tonnes of plastics that enter the world’s oceans every year, and here are some common ways:

Through rivers

According to the scientific research that I have found on the internet, it suggests that as much as 90% of marine plastic debris enter our ocean through 10 of the world’s rivers.

This doesn’t involve plastics being dumped directly into rivers, although this does happen. However, due to its lightweight nature, it’s easy for plastics en route to landfill to escape containment. This can then enter waterways and eventually, our oceans. 

From boats

An estimated 20% of the Great Pacific Garbage Patch trash comes from ships and offshore oil rigs. This can happen from the people cutting loose their nets on a fishing trip to large cargo ships losing of dumping significant quantities of waste.

From factories

There isn’t enough care when factories producing, transporting or disposing of plastics, and therefore, this contributes significantly to the amount of marine debris.

Down the drain

To put simply, the journey of plastics to the ocean can all start in our bathroom. A high profile example involves the recent banning of microbeads by several countries. These tiny plastic balls are found in common items such as exfoliants, shower gels and glitter-based makeup. However, microbeads aren’t the only culprits. Cotton buds, sanitary products and face wipes often contain plastic, and some will escape cleansing operation at wastewater plants and make it to the ocean.

Great Pacific Garbage Patch

What happens to the plastic at the Great Pacific Garbage Patch?

There are two properties of plastic that make it such a visible problem in our ocean:

It’s light - many plastic objects won’t sink.

It’s durable - because plastic is relatively new, we don’t know how long it takes to break down.

The majority of the plastic in the Great Pacific Garbage Patch will simply float there. They will gradually be worn down by the waves and sunlight. However, even when this happens, the plastic doesn’t simply disappear entirely. Instead, it becomes microplastics. According to scientific results, it is believed that estimated of microplastics makeup 94% of the object count at the Great Pacific Garbage Patch. 

What are the dangers of the Great Pacific Garbage Patch?

The obvious answer that we know is that plastic pollution is killing marine life. An estimate of 1 million seabirds and 100,000 wildlife mammals are affected every year, as well as many other species. For example, sea turtles often mistake plastic bags for prey such as jellyfish. Furthermore, abandoned fishing lines, fishing nets and equipment can ensnare and drown dolphins, porpoises and whales.

This is obviously the bigger problems we are seeing, and how can people expect there would be no danger to the wildlife when humans aren’t free from the potentials dangers of the Great Pacific Garbage Patch. Microplastics have been found in the stomachs of nearly half of the most important species for global fisheries, and this could simply mean that we could be eating our own trash. If these plastics make their way up the food chain and into our bodies, there are concerns over potential health implications.

How many birds die from plastic pollution?

A lot of the data regarding birds and plastics comes from studies of seabirds, as the presence of plastic in the ocean has garnered a lot of media attention. The number of seabirds dying as a result of plastic is currently estimated at 1 million a year. This shocking statistic becomes even more worrying when we consider just how quickly this problem has grown. In 1960, fewer than 5% of seabirds were found to have plastic in their stomachs, but this number had rocketed to 80% in 1980. Based on this research, and modern studies, it’s expected that by 2050, 99% of all sea bird species will be ingesting plastic. 

Why do birds eat plastic?

It looks like food - small particles of plastic floating in the ocean can be easily mistaken for prey.

It smells like food - studies show that the smell of krill feeding on the algae that coat marine plastic debris is similar to natural scents that many seabirds follow when hunting for food.

It floats - plastic’s lightweight nature is also a huge part of the problem. Albatross species, in particular, feed by skimming low over the water and inadvertently consume plastic as a result.

What happens to birds that consume plastic?

The impacts of plastic consumption for birds depend on what they eat. Some birds die quickly as a result of sharp plastics puncturing their internal organs, but others may starve to death as they feel full from eating plastic but receive no nutritional benefits.

This could also be a huge problem as due to the amount they’re eating, birds are at risk of toxic effects of the chemicals that coat plastics. Moreover, adults birds that leave nests to hunt often return with plastic they have mistaken for food and feed it to their chicks. 

What happens to birds that become entangled in plastic?

This really depends on where and how the birds become entangled.

Drowning in nets - for gannets, penguins and other birds that dive for their food, becoming caught in underwater plastic will mean they can’t get back to the surface, and so they drown.

Risk of infection - if the plastic is tightly wrapped it can cut the bird, leading to infection.

Inability to move - entanglement can mean that birds are unable to escape natural predators, or find food themselves.

How does plastic affect marine life?

Around 100,000 marine mammals die every year as a result of plastic pollution. This can include whales, dolphins, porpoises, seals and sea lions.

Why do they eat plastic?

A plastic bag ballooned with water can look a lot like squid, or other prey, to the seals and marine mammals that hunt them. However, even species that don’t identify them by sight aren’t completely safe. For example, toothed whales, and many species of dolphins use sophisticated sonar-type techniques called echolocation to find their prey. According to research, it is believed that unnatural objects such as plastic waste can confuse this sonar, and are incorrectly interpreted as food.

References: https://www.wwf.org.au/news/blogs/plastic-in-our-oceans-is-killing-marine-mammals#gs.4mrQVKAkhttps://www.wwf.org.au/news/blogs/plastic-pollution-is-killing-sea-turtles-heres-how#gs.wbbvse2Shttps://www.wwf.org.au/news/blogs/what-do-sea-turtles-eat-unfortunately-plastic-bags#gs.RqJUnW5E

What is single-use plastic? How are they disposed of?

Single-use plastics or often referred to as disposable plastics are commonly used for plastic packaging and this can include items such as grocery bags, food packaging, bottles, straws, containers, cups, and cutlery where they are intended to be used only once before they are thrown away or recycled.

How long does a plastic product take to biodegrade?

Plastic is still relatively new compared to other materials and although plastic has revolutionized how we store our food and packaging - the downside of it is plastic items can take up to 1000 years to decompose in a landfill. But plastic bags we use in our everyday life take 20 years to decompose, while plastic bottles can take up to 450 years.

Which countries have the highest/lowest rate of plastic pollution?

According to what I have found on the internet, a team of researchers in the United States and Australia led by Jenna Jambeck analyzed plastic waste levels in the world’s oceans. 

In 2010, 8.8 million metric tons of plastic waste came from China with an estimated 5.53 million tons of it ending up in the ocean. The United States is also polluting the oceans with plastics; however, at a much lower rate than China.

How has it affected the environment?

The world is currently producing nearly 300 million tons of plastic each year - a significant amount of which could end up in our ocean.

Not only is plastic harmful to the environment and oceans, but it is harmful to wildlife as well. According to the Ocean Conservancy, plastic has been found in more than 60 per cent of all seabirds and 100 per cent of sea turtle species.

What is being done to tackle plastic use?

To tackle plastic being used, many countries such as Canada, Costa Rica, Great Britain, Greece and many more have ban plastic straws. Moreover, many businesses such as Alaska Airline will be removing all non-recyclable plastic stir straws and citrus picks and replacing them with sustainable, marine-friendly alternatives on all domestic and international flights. Plastic bags have also been ban in many countries such as Australia, Boston, Canada, Chile, China, Costa Rica, and many more.

What are the creative responses to plastic use?

There have been some very creative responses in using plastic and turning it into something creative. For example, washed ashore rallies volunteers to clean beaches are using collected debris to create larger-than-life sculptures of the marine life affected by ocean trash and teaching students about the impacts of marine debris through art.

Another creative process is transforming lost fishing nets into energy. The Fishing for Energy partnership helps fishermen properly dispose of old and abandoned fishing nets and other gear - much of it plastic - at no cost to the fishermen. In addition to donating their own worn-out nets, some fishermen also directly retrieve lost fishing gear out of the ocean. After being collected and sorted, any metal parts are recycled, and everything else is converted into electricity, with roughly one ton of old nets producing enough electricity to power a house for 25 days.

What are the long-term consequences of plastic use?

The plastic that pollutes our ocean and waterways have severe impacts on our environment and our economy. For example, seabirds, whales, sea turtles and other marine life are eating plastic pollution and dying from choking, intestinal blockage and starvation. 

[lullabyvixie]

I got an ask suggesting that @stubborndaddydragon​ and I answer the little space tag questions together, so I'm gonna ask her the questions (to see how well she knows me) and then I'm gonna put the correct answer underneath 

What is your favorite stuffie's name?

Macy

Yes! Daddy's met her so it's p easy

What type of animal or doll is your favorite stuffie?

Polar bear

A build a bear polar bear from 2011.

 What is your favorite snack while in littlespace?

Animal crackers

and teddy grahams

 What is your favorite Disney movie?

Tangled, Lion King, Brother bear, Zootopia, and uhhh, MULAN

Mostly tangled

 Which Disney princess, prince, or character is your favorite? 

Right now her current obsession is Moana

and Pua!

 What is your favorite cartoon? 

Cartoon? I have no idea

It used to be adventure time, but now I don't have one

Do you wear diapers? 

If so, what are your favorite brands of diapers? 

She doesn't wear diapers, and doesn't plan to wear diapers, as far as I know.

correct (even though it could change, but I don't see that happening)

Do you use pacifiers (dummies, binkies, soothies)?  

If so, what's your favorite brand or type? 

If so, how many do you own? 

She doesn't have any pacifiers, but she wants them. I don't know what brand she likes and I wasn't aware there were different types apart from adult and baby.

I don't currently own any but maybe soon, I can't say I have a favorite since I don't have any experience with any, but I am eyeing up some stuff from @hislittlespace​ 's shop.

 Do you suck your thumb? 

No, I don't think so.

No, I have long nails so it's uncomfortable for me to suck my thumb.

 Do you use a sippy cup? 

If so, how many do you own?

No, she doesn't own any yet, but she does want them, and she probably wants all the sippy cups.

ALLLL the sippy cups!!!

 Do you have a Mommy/Daddy/Caregiver? 

If so, what do you call them? 

Lmao, damn I dunno. but really, Yes, and Daddy or Sir

Or bitch ass *rolls eyes*

 Do people in real life know that you're little? 

A couple of her friends do (apart from me), although one of them may not understand entirely, and her mom knows she regresses but doesn't get the full extent of it.

she's getting it though, bless her.

 Do you have a little age or age range? 

3 or 4, sometimes 2

yeah p much 2-4

 When did you realize that you were a little? 

uhhh, this one I'm not sure about, she was in denial for awhile, at least to me, she embraced it in the last nine months or so

I was in denial for like a good year or so.

 What is something that will always put you into little space or something you always do while in littlespace? 

What puts her in little space? when I do things for her like dress her, make her food. and asking "who's my little girl/princess" when I refer to myself as "daddy" or when I say "excuse me, little girl?' what does she do in little space? wiggle, squeal, giggle, cling to me, grabby hands, talking in shorter sentences,staring at me, wanting to cuddle 24/7

can I correct "stare" to loving gaze

 Are you a sexual or nonsexual little?

ahah, nonsexual

lmao

 Are you (or do you want to be) a little 24/7? 

I think so, but she doesn't always have the easiest time being little.

I'd rather spend my at home time being little (or in between big space and little space) and spending my time in public being big

Do you like coloring? 

If so, do you prefer crayons, colored pencils, markers, watercolor, pastels, or something else? What is your favorite color? 

she loves colouring, 99% sure she prefers crayons, and she likes emerald or forest green (idk my colourblind ass can't see it.

*cough* I like markers hoe. it's you that likes crayons. But I do like the smell of them.

 What is your favorite little nickname to be called? 

princess or baby girl

baby girl

 What is your favorite bedtime story or fairytale?

The grimm fairy tales

most of them

 Do you sleep with a nightlight? 

No

I can't sleep if there's any light

 Do you sleep with a stuffie?

yes, Macy, Penny, Baymax, a moon pillow, and the pink dolphin.

the Homosexuwhale and Peeps

[chatting-leaves]

Somebody From The Internet (4/?) - Something Extra, Yet Lacking

Potential TW: A slur, said in context of an antagonist.

September 15, 2011 - Washington, DC

To try to describe the beginning of this story is one that involves a whole spectrum of emotions, in fact the concept of a spectrum is one that defines this story. I awoke to orderly chaos as this was my last full day as an unmarried man, my then-fiance and I had a midday flight to Miami en route to our wedding, held aboard a docked cruise ship before departing for a weekend cruise to The Bahamas. It was an all-in-one solution of sorts for us, a cash-strapped couple given that for much of the last year I had been living off of unemployment and savings. My future in-laws, their second spouses and children, Dad, and my stepmom were joining us, my teenage future brothers-in-law a late addition while my Mom sat this trip out. While trying to stay calm in the rush of last minute packing and the inevitability of lugging a wedding gown through National Airport, I turned to Twitter for some relief. In this, I looked through the tweets of a mutual follower of my future wife and I and saw someone with an interesting name.

"Trisomy21Mommy". A clear declaration that this person was the mother of a child with what commonly is called Down Syndrome.

I grew up in an area where growing up the main employer was a since-closed institution for the disabled and between administrative offices, day centers, and group homes the care of the disabled is a bedrock of the local economy. My mom worked as a member of the local disabled care industrial complex, alternating between the institution and later day centers, and exposed me to those who were the beneficiaries of her work. In high school, my district became a magnet for special needs students from our and neighboring districts as we had a system of including those with differences stemming in part from a beloved teacher having a child with Down Syndrome. To be so public with your status as a special needs parent, at least in 2011, automatically won my respect. without much of a second thought. I immediately started a conversation with this person, relating my experiences on the matter and sharing my views on how the establishment of a formalized "Autism Spectrum" created issues as society had not equipped itself to deal with those on the spectrum as teenagers and adults. She listened and I then aired out my fears of having a child with severe special needs, that "the writers backstage" - a term I used to allude to a higher power - would put me in a position where "if I had to carry them and change [their diapers] for 20+ years, so be it." The conversation then went into direct messages and I found out who "Trisomy21Mommy" was.

The woman behind the handle was a named Carrie and resided in an edge city inside the "Golden Horseshoe" region of Ontario, a catch-all term used to graft areas adjacent to Greater Toronto into a mega-region. Carrie was a freelance writer in her mid thirties but the main focus of her life was her then five year old son, Nathan who as her name alluded to had Down Syndrome. Raising him alone aside from having an elderly parent living with her for the idea of some sort of help, Nathan was Carrie's main focus in life given the minefield of getting him services and special treatments, a process no doubt hurt by a medical mystery that happened about eighteen months earlier.

"One day, Nathan woke up to find that the speech he had gained, after much therapy and prompting was gone. Within the next few days, most of the motor skills he had gained also were gone. The doctors at [the local children's hospital] came back with an additional diagnosis of autism and no timeline on if he ever would regain what he lost."

Part of me saw this person as living the nightmare that I had dreaded, that if my soon-to-be-married self was to have kids, that I might have this to look forward to. The other part of me had some suspicion that something else might be in play, that such a cognitive regression usually doesn't hold off until one was four years old. While I continued our conversation while on the flight to Miami and during a period that night where the hard motel bed gave me little ability to sleep, I put her behind me for what was to be one of the happiest weekends of my life. 

After a weekend soaked in sunshine and alcohol, where I swam with dolphins, spent time with my new family, and had all-around fun, it was time to return stateside and make the trek home. No later than as our car pulled out of the economy parking lot at National Airport, I got a message from Carrie.

"I had a dream about you last night. Maybe you should be with me instead, Nathan can really use a daddy and you sound like you really want to be in Canada."

My jaw flat out dropped. I was brazenly being hit on for totally altruistic reasons by a woman I knew for four days who knew I had just gotten married. While I had spoken highly about Canada and its more egalitarian way of life in our prior conversations, I didn't know how to handle something that escalated so fast.

"If only this was two years ago :-P. Seriously, don't do this again." was the best I could muster. Needless to say, this was the last time she hit on me in such a manner but it was still a shock though she soon opened up about why she'd do such a thing. After spending most of her twenties traveling the world, Carrie decided to settle down with a man she had not known well with the aim of a large family. After two miscarriages, she had a viable child, that being Nathan. Needless to say, her "sperm donor" as she referred to did not want any part in a child that was "crippled" and "retarded", the latter term coming right as that word went from medical term to slur. He soon separated from her to live with his parents and when Nathan was eighteen months old abandoned his wife and child, clearing out their joint bank accounts in the process. The fallout left Carrie penniless and forced her to move in with her living parent while living off the safety net of the province as Nathan's needs and therapies made finding work problematic. At least Nathan had gotten into a kindergarten at a school well equipped for students with disabilities and Carrie at least got some respite from having a life totally centred on her son.

"Last I heard, the Sperm Donor was living somewhere up north. A friend of his wrote to me a couple weeks ago telling me that he has a "real" wife and "normal" kids and has no need for a...I can't say that word, it's so hurtful. He isn't...that," Carrie summarized up the status of a man that she was still legally married to as his status in hiding, under an assumed name, made termination of their marriage impossible. At this point, I began to look at things with some suspicion seeing how almost robotic this whole situation seemed.

In time, Carrie became a good friend as she was the sort of person who would vent to anyone about anything, that any sympathetic ear would do given that her interaction with people outside a parent slowly going into dementia and a son unable to speak was quite limited. She had a lot to say, however she often had an awkward means of saying it and a very simplistic view of getting things done.

"Why do you want to move out to Boston?," she once questioned me when I was openly going on about my wife's wishes to move closer to her family. "You should move up here, Canada is just a better place than the US is since all I hear on the news is about how bad and cruel the US is."

"I don't think immigration works that way. We'd need $10,000 to start and a job offer and my wife is the one more likely to get a job offer," I said knowing that her experience in bioethics and such would put us over the line for points in the CIC's grading system for immigrants.

"I wish I could take you guys in. You Americans really are like abused dogs," Carrie would reply. "Hell, I wish I could make my apartment a shelter for Americans wanting out of their shitty nation." This from a woman that had not been to the US in about a decade, since before she got married even, and whose passport was about to lapse. "If you moved here, you would be able to sponsor her family to join you."

"I think most of them would be disqualified based on age, lack of experience, or due to health issues," I rebutted. While they have since been relaxed, at the time Canada had health controls that would zonk even people who were otherwise golden from moving; another online friend of this time period had to refuse a highly specialized job in Vancouver due to - coincidentally - an autism diagnosis as a child that they had overcome. A firm lost what would've been a great LGTBQ lawyer because of legacy stereotypes written decades earlier.

"Well, that shouldn't be an issue. Just a couple of weeks ago these people moved into my building from Hong Kong and they had the flu and legacy issues from SARS," Carrie responded, blind to the realities of the bureaucracy that Toronto and Ottawa put on her idealistic wishes. Her idealism, her almost blind nationalism to Canada as a nation even, seemed to be a bit of a mask for how things failed her as she soon took to the internet with the story of what really went on with Nathan's birth or at least what she thought happened. Via an anonymous Tumblr blog, she assailed the hospital where he was born for openly downplaying a telltale sign of Down Syndrome that was found during her twenty week checkup, leaving her to believe that she was carrying a healthy baby until when she delivered and her child was whisked away to the NICU for tests. By her own claim, she wasn't told of his diagnosis until two days after he was born and she didn't get to see him until his third day of life. "If I knew this was going to happen, I might have gotten an abortion and have tried again," Carrie summed up, a stark contrast to her railing against the selective abortion of fetuses found to have disorders in utero.

This story, and the general failure and neglect that led to it, led me to want to change my professional course. My caring, yet very rash and desperate, mind decided that what the world needed was counseling for parents and siblings facing a child that was disabled, someone for them to steer them down the right path and even act as a sympathetic ear. While this had been peppered via life experiences and assorted articles, what Carrie endured as a result of Nathan's life was the last straw in not doing anything. I eventually enrolled in an online Masters program, but found as I went on that my idealism was nowhere near reality in terms of making anything work and walked away from what I wanted to do because frankly society had little idea in how to handle it.

As time went on, Carrie's life story got more and more complicated as it was clear that she needed an identity outside of being a self-proclaimed "special needs momma". She tried to get into advocacy, but her ability to travel was hampered by an ailment that left her "medically unable to drive" and dependent on the kind gestures of others more than her testing the bounds of her own independence. She briefly returned to the dating world, exclaiming to me as I was in the middle of my move that she found "someone": a woman, even though she had exhibited zero signs of bisexuality beforehand.

"Given my luck with men, why not?," Carrie exclaimed. True to form with Carrie, the relationship turned out to be an online infatuation that was done after a mere two days, she then pressed on further in life. Being shoved aside was an action that Carrie was no stranger to, between her strained relationship with her siblings for having a "handicapped" child to being estranged by her husband to even losing most of her friendships in the wake of Nathan's birth, real life relationships supplanted by the support web of assorted Down Syndrome and autism parents populating assorted corners of the internet. I gave the emotional support that I could, but sometimes something seemed to be a bit off, as if nothing logically added up. The backstory of Nathan's early years, Carrie's life before Nathan's birth, even how Carrie's life was truly sustainable between her limitations and her son's needs making any typical job an obstacle to obtain.

In time, Carrie's parent that had been living with her declined to the point that they were admitted into a care facility, funded in part I would think by her relatively well-off siblings. While this freed Carrie of the second burden of her life, it also created a problem as the governmental Pension Plan checks she had gotten as well as other subsidies were allowing them to live where they were. As if on cue, Carrie fell for a man who lived in a town on the shores of a nearby Great Lake, a man a little older than she who had two children from a prior marriage whom he had primary custody of. She needed a chance to love again, his kids needed a mother figure, Nathan needed a father figure, the whole thing on paper made a ton of sense.

The relationship lasted about two years, the potential step-children didn't warm up to Carrie as an additional mother figure, and in time this man grew tired of Carrie and the way she came off to him. While they broke up in late winter, he did let her stay until that summer so she could let Nathan (by this point age 9) finish the school year as he had made leaps and bounds in his growth, speaking his first words since the loss of his language five years earlier and regaining the last of the motor skills he had lost in his regression. By some good luck, Carrie and Nathan, now once again alone, moved into an apartment in the same town so he would not have to once again change schools.

By the time of the breakup, I mentally started to check out of the friendship because of how repetitive things had gotten. Carrie constantly second guessing her parenting of Nathan, that her circumstances weren't getting him the best care available as the latest treatments and therapies and even things such as one-on-one helpers and respite care were out of her, and the province's, reach. Things that even her American friends, amongst their flawed and fraying educational and healthcare systems, often took for granted, yet Carrie would rarely let a chance pass to be pitying of Americans and to pound her chest about the Canadian way of doing things being vastly superior. Add in some obsessions of the moment, most infamously a period where she fangirled over the TV series Supernatural and cited it as a reason that Nathan regained some of his speech, and it became repetitive. I love people, I care about people, but it just felt like she was stuck in a cycle and she didn't want to get out of it.

Just in time for this, it was discovered that Nathan had a bone disorder that was prone to fractures. At one point, Nathan had both arms in a cast for weeks after both had severe fractures. Once those bones healed, he ended having fractures occur in both of his knees and ended up spending a summer in hospital in a cast having them heal before ending up using a wheelchair for what turned out to be a couple of years. During this period, they moved into a rented house that was accessible as a replacement for the second floor apartment they had been living in. It was also during this period, to compensate for the increased lifting of Nathan around the house that Carrie took up a new hobby, weightlifting to increase her strength. It was around this time that we reconnected, she having rededicated what social media she was still on to her goal to become a champion weightlifter while my wife and I went on a weight loss journey. 

The definite end of my friendship with Carrie came via one of the most bizarre ways a friendship could end. In Nathan's younger years, Carrie was the sort of parent who would go on and on about the years-long struggle of toilet training her son, an often Herculean task given his cognitive and communication disorders. Considering his long road learning to regain use of his legs after a complex corrective surgery, I had a mere question to ask.

"How does he communicate how to go to the bathroom given his speech and mobility difficulties?" I remember that when he was in a cast that his training was put on pause given his bedridden state so logically I assumed that he still wasn't at first.

Somehow, this turned into an over-detailed message thread on Instagram that went fifteen messages of stupidly curious, potentially borderline pandering, questions when an easy "actually, this whole thing got him out of diapers for once and for all, here's how" would have easily sufficed. This interaction ended up being her cue to exit a friendship that had long run its course, a friendship that I was too reluctant to leave given that I usually am not the sort of person to do so. Soon I found myself blocked on said venue, a whimper of an end to a friendship that was roaring. Bizarrely enough, Carrie didn't block me on any other form of media we were still friends on, she is still mutuals on the side account that I have for weight loss which I sparingly use anymore.

Truth be told, as much as I take the full blame for getting blocked, not having her around has given me the hindsight to realize some harsh truth. While Carrie is a remarkable and strong, emotionally and physically, woman, something about her and I just didn't mix right even in spite of years of friendship. Maybe it's that she tapped into my "Ugly American" side that is harshly critical of my nation of origin, maybe it was the fact that my empathy is so automatic that I felt bad for her and Nathan. The more time passes, the more I seriously wonder what truly motivated me in this friendship. Was I better for knowing her? Of course. Am I happier with her no longer around? Probably.

If anything comes out of this, I feel bad for Nathan in all this. While Carrie has all the reason to keep him out of a group home for as long as possible, the two are truly a package deal at this point, I wonder what will happen years down the road if something happens to Carrie. This doesn't even include the fact that he's a teenage boy with no father figure and little male interaction outside of school, while women do make strong men it still saddens me that he isn't getting the attention he needs. While his fate is much better now than in the past, I do wonder how the future will treat him given his complex needs. I hope they both find peace in the future.

[waveptindia-blog]

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[republicstandard]

Political Correctness 101: Are Males Smarter Than Females? Science Says...

For a second, forget what gender you are. Also, forget any existing opinions on variances in biological gender traits you may hold – if any. Instead, quickly think about the many differences in reaction to the above title had it instead read:

Evolutionary Science 101: Are Females Smarter Than Males? Science Says Yes

How many mainstream science journals and liberal tabloids would proudly emblazon such a revolutionary finding across their front pages unapologetically? Take this to the bank: Science would periodically be more popular than sex as a chant of “the future is female” rose up like prayers to the deity.

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It’s clear that science is becoming another academic safe space. Evolutionary science, in particular, is in danger of complete derailment by those who fear the implications of greater human understanding. The future of evolutionary science now revolves around two quivering phobias within the halls of academia: On one hand we have researchers petrified their character and findings will come under attack by political correctness hawks; on the other hand lurks a lynch mob of academic activists who, out of pure fear of the implications, are actively suppressing study into uncomfortable aspects of gender dimorphism and biological variance across racial groups. The former are now largely self-censoring to the detriment of overall scientific progress; the latter are becoming emboldened as bullying becomes normalized through official endorsement.

This article will treat one such landmark incident recently exposed in a Quillette piece authored a few weeks ago by Theodore P. Hill; Professor Emeritus of Mathematics at Georgia Tech and currently a research scholar in residence at the California Polytechnic State University in San Luis Obispo. Ted and two associates collaborated to produce a research paper which was first scotched from an agreed publication in the Mathematical Intelligencer, then subsequently published by the New York Journal of Mathematics (NYJM), only to be ‘memory-holed’ and replaced after publication. Ted’s published paper in its final form was entitled An Evolutionary Theory for the Variability Hypothesis (2018), which is now only available as an archived pdf ( HERE ).

After realizing his hard work had been unceremoniously assassinated on the podium – after publication, without precedent – Ted did some digging to identify those responsible. It was discovered that the paper had been targeted by an influential wife and husband team of activists at the University of Chicago. Professor Amie Wilkinson and her husband Professor Benson Farb – a member of the NYJM editorial board – had become confederate with Amie’s psychometrician and statistician father including Benson’s father-in-law. These personalities had taken exception to the social implications of Ted’s paper on purely ‘feminist’ grounds and had hatched a plot to murder his paper. At no time did any of these academic assassins approach the authors directly, preferring cowardice by exerting influence from behind the curtain.

Ted’s paper had dared to theorize about an evolutionary mechanism to explain the Greater Male Variability Hypothesis (GMVH); probably one of the most controversial but solid fields of study in evolutionary science due to its relevance in understanding variance in human intelligence distributions. This area of study is vital for the fair application of gender-based social policy in the field of education; it is also vital for guiding workplace reform policy regarding merit-based recruitment practices where high-IQ individuals are required. Those who seek to impose artificial gender-based quotas on recruitment within public and private organizations, seemingly, need to suppress this field of scientific inquiry in order to fulfill a social engineering agenda. The extent to which such social engineering is simply the product of transgressive group-think, or more organized, itself probably deserves serious study on evolutionary grounds because a clear group strategy within a subset of the human population is becoming noticeable.

Ted’s story elucidates the extent to which a crusading lynch mob is wrecking the integrity of STEM within the education system of the western world, prompting some hard questions:

Is this lynch mob adopting a collective identity and actively pursuing a group strategy to eliminate their biological competition?

If so, did this group strategy arise mostly organically, or was it consciously precipitated by active social engineering?

If so, who are the parties most responsible for consciously catalyzing the rise of this lynch mob?

Like a viral infection followed by an antibody reaction, is the rising audibility of this group strategy actually the driving force behind the rise of the ‘Alt-Right’? (Amorphous and heavily male as this Hegelian reactionary group is, it is undoubtedly the antithesis of the lynch mob).

Is this antibody reaction, which is also becoming self-aware, supposed to sit back and allow the wholesale wrecking of academic freedom to undertake scientific inquiry?

We’ve seen the cost of such complacency on the social sciences in recent years. I say it’s high time to wage a counteroffensive in the name of titans like Galileo. We owe it to these brave men from skirmishes of old to carry forward the flame of truth, ensuring their great personal sacrifices were not in vain.

What Would Galileo Say About This?

Fear is a powerful motivator; some might say the most important evolutionary motivator of all as it underpins the development of the global food chain. Who’s eating who and who is successfully preventing themselves from becoming dinner is important stuff. But should fear have a place in scientific inquiry? Can we at least all agree that modern humans have an imperative to free scientific inquiry and theory from the irrational jaws of human emotion? Scientific truths shouldn’t have to account for feels. We need to throw away the adult diapers and embrace dispassionate scientific inquiry as a separate jurisdiction from the ethical and moral systems we eventually find influenced by scientific truth. Maybe this is just too much to ask of those who live in fear of being eaten so instead have decided to act as apex predators in the academic food chain. Perhaps this is evolution at work – eat or be eaten!

Galileo has been described by the likes of Einstein as the ‘father of modern science.’ He is undoubtedly a character who requires no introduction, yet the lessons of his life story and persecution, we are led so easily to believe, are lessons for a bygone era. Not so. Such lessons are timeless. Their relevance to the modern era should be as fresh as the red meat of a giant buffalo ripped from the bone by a pack of hungry hyenas able to pick him off based purely on numerical superiority. For most of his life Galileo probably felt like that buffalo, but as tasty as he was, the hyena has a formidable appetite. It is never satisfied. Along comes a new variety of hyena – one that shrieks like a Banshee.

Upon his death in 1642 the body of Galileo was refused burial among his relatives in the Basilica of Santa Croce. When the Church finally admitted its error almost one hundred years later his body was re-interred exactly where it deserved to be, but not before three of his fingers were unceremoniously removed from his remains – the middle finger of his right hand being currently on display at the Museo Galileo in Florence. Yes, the middle finger! Galileo was a pious individual who would probably object to such a post-mortem prank – as funny as we find this today – but this monumental finger of history has more value for me than to evince a mere chuckle; it represents the inability of decent people to defend the freedoms and honor of our strongmen of civilization within their own lifetime, against unworthy hyenas.

Should Theodore P. Hill and other prominent thinkers of this current era console themselves by the thought their progeny might at least get a chance to glare upon the embalmed middle finger of their forefather, flipping the bird towards the likes of the New York Journal of Mathematics? No, said forefather should have the satisfaction of seeing his persecutors reprimanded, chastised by their peers in academia, but also exposed to public ridicule for corrupting the legacy of men like Galileo.

But why is this not the case already? Why is Mr. Hill probably, right now, inserting a provision in his last will and testament to preserve all ten fingers upon his cadaver? It’s simple: Buffaloes are much stronger than hyenas yet they lack an effective group strategy capable of nullifying the well-developed group strategy of the hyena. The strong within society, out of necessity, must actively develop conscious group strategies against their would-be assassins who fancy themselves as apex predators. It’s only a cunning bluff. Group strategy is a seminal force in evolution (ie, bees, dolphins, hyenas), but like the shrieking feminist within academia, males need to literally ‘man up’ as a group, instead of standing idle while being steadily emasculated.

The Three Sins Of Theodore P. Hill – Arch Heretic

What were Ted’s great sins deserving of investigationem annihilatio ?

** Here are the three biggies:**

SIN #1:

Ted had the kahunas to splash this little beauty (below) across page seven of his paper. I’ve labeled the graph for the enjoyment of the layman. This graph should be known as “The horror! The horror!” or the “Oh to be average!” icon. It’s crying out to be adopted as the logo of a men’s rights organization called Men Behaving Badly International (MBBI) – conciliatory women of good quality welcome for membership too because you’re evidently the world’s most valuable commodity based on high desirability (read Ted’s paper for the inside joke).

Nobody wants to be average, but then most people don’t want to be a bricklayer or a plumber either – no offense to the humble laborer; you’re more useful to society than a dozen shrieking feminists or a pack of high soy content urban trust fund babies. This graph displays what every intellectually honest and keen observer of society already suspects: There are a higher percentage of both really stupid males and really smart males in the overall population when compared to females on a like-for-like basis. Females hug the average more closely.

Contrary to the above graph which is generalized for the GMVH across all traits, the average male IQ is actually higher than the average female IQ. This is seemingly due to the effects of larger average brain size and higher testosterone levels, among others. Ted didn’t go this far in his paper, but the assumption that there’s a higher proportion of mentally deficient males than females does not seem to be the case (!), which can only evince a more shrill reaction from ‘feminists’.

Just go to a Chess tournament and have an unbiased look around. These differences between male and female brain development aren’t the result of discrimination against females by males, but rather a biological discrimination phenomenon. Males shouldn’t be forced to apologize for human biology and we definitely shouldn’t be made to believe disparities in performance are due to our behavioral discrimination against females. The truth is this: Males who play Chess are itching to meet competitive (desirable) females in the workplace but they’re simply left standing at the altar, no fault of their own – we don’t blame the victim. What male Chess player wouldn’t want a spouse he could practice competitively with for enjoyment and edification in their spare time?

There’s no need here to explain Ted’s highly technical mathematical models as they are above most people’s comprehension, including my own. It will simply suffice to repeat Ted’s introduction to this gender variability phenomenon where he simply quotes Charles Darwin:

In his research on evolution in the 19th century Charles Darwin reported "Throughout the animal kingdom, when the sexes differ in external appearance, it is, with rare exceptions, the male which has been the more modified; for, generally, the female retains a closer resemblance to the young of her own species, and to other adult members of the same group". – Page 1 of Ted’s paper.

The primary biological trait which seems to pack the culture war dynamite, predictably, is human intelligence. Obviously, this is due to IQ being the most important determinant of perceived social value in a modern, technological world, and especially for academics addicted to the smell of their own lovely scent. Likewise, in timeless fashion, even the human creation story in the book of Genesis enshrines the fate of human relations using the Tree of Knowledge metaphor – triggering a fall from grace into a disorder built on faulty gender relations as Adam laments: “The woman whom thou gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree [of knowledge], and I did eat” (Genesis 3:12). The Ancient Greeks also had a story about the first female releasing disorder upon the world; Pandora and her ‘box’ or ‘pithos’, within which only hope (Elpis) remained entrapped – maybe the reader can ponder upon the timeless musings of Greek literary use of sexual euphemism. How ironic that such valuable anthropological artifacts deemed ‘defunct’ still highlight perfectly the importance of gender relations when it comes to the human ability to harness knowledge to prevent social disorder.

Regardless of the explosiveness of the IQ dynamite (forbidden fruit, pardon the pun), it’s important to note for the sake of theoretical rigidity that this gender-based variability observation holds for 1) a vast spectrum of biological traits such as height, ape index, hand size (!), etcetera, and 2) it is observable across most of the animal kingdom with infrequent but interesting exceptions to this rule, particularly in the insect kingdom involving an inversion to the sexual dimorphism rule and its correlation with sexual cannibalism; reinforcing a suspicion that a biological gender war is indeed bubbling deep within organic life systems (perhaps the topic for a future article).

As rigid as the first moment Darwin penned it, the GMVH observation is as solid as the truth of heliocentricity championed by Galileo, and likewise, it has hurt the feely-feels of powers that shouldn’t be – academic misandrists and their cuckold sidekicks posing as angelic, benevolent feminists.

SIN #2:

Ted’s proposed theory to explain the greater variability among one gender of a sexually dimorphic species, upon which he chose to formulate general mathematical principles to spur further debate, verbatim, was this:

“SELECTIVITY-VARIABILITY PRINCIPLE. In a species with two sexes A and B, both of which are needed for reproduction, suppose that sex A is relatively selective, i.e., will mate only with a top tier (less than half ) of B candidates. Then from one generation to the next, among subpopulations of B with comparable average attributes, those with greater variability will tend to prevail over those with lesser variability. Conversely, if A is relatively non-selective, accepting all but a bottom fraction (less than half ) of the opposite sex, then subpopulations of B with lesser variability will tend to prevail over those with comparable means and greater variability.” – Page 2 of Ted’s paper.

Even though Ted’s paper is highly academic, he has managed to vigorously wave a red flag at a bull – or since Ted is the bull, perhaps a pack of hyenas is more appropriate. We can clearly see that males of many species, especially mammals and birds, compete for the attention of the female who holds the ability to partake in the evolutionary process between her legs.

As a quick proof of concept, here are two great examples from the bird kingdom – now tell me Ted is wrong to look in this direction!

Clearly, the greater visual variability in attractive plumage only exhibited by the males is designed to attract the plain looking females. It's all about the nookie. At some point in time, only the males would have diverged from the norm in order to increase their chances of mating, thus they must have exhibited greater variability. In humans, when it comes to visual performance, women seem to be the ones investing more heavily on personal appearance, however, in the human species, discrimination for IQ – but also IQ correlations like wealth – has become most important to the equation, unlike with our feathered friends.

In human social science, the act of one gender exhibiting higher selection criteria (being picky) towards a future mate, is known as hypergamy; colloquially referred to as “marrying up” or “gold-digging.” Hypergamy is among one of the easiest social phenomena to observe, especially where a historical analysis of Western European culture versus Islamic culture is concerned. This is perhaps a topic for a future article because the manifestation of hypergamy between Islam and Christendom has been quite marked in modes of application over time; even more so among Jewish populations where the males were confined to mercantile professions and then these families were able to escape, for instance, a pogrom, while poorer families were not.

To show how deep this subject cuts into modern gender relations, from The Rational Male, here’s probably one of the most revealing excerpts I’ve read on hypergamy and the ‘my body, my choice’ era where feminists scowl at hypergamy as if it were a vicious slander:

“I recently saw a video of a fertility doctor who had either used his own sperm to fertilize women’s eggs, or completely random samples to father about 40 children. The women, the children (mostly female) were absolutely aghast that he was their father or some donor who they would never know had contributed to half their DNA. The idea that the selection and control of Hypergamy was taken from them was worthy of the death penalty. Yet this is exactly the control we expect men to relinquish in this age. We will pat men on the back for abandoning their evolved instinct to ascertain paternity. We’ll tell a man he’s a hero for wifing up a single mother and “stepping up to be a father” to a child he didn’t sire and at the same time pretend that fathers are superfluous. We’ll change ‘Father’s Day’ to ‘Special Person’s Day’ and tell men they’re insecure in their masculinity for preferring a son or daughter of his own – but try to remove that control from a woman, try to tell her that Hypergamous choice wasn’t hers to make and it’s tantamount to rape.” – The Rational Male.

If you liked that excerpt, you’ll be horrified by THIS exhibit.

The real bombshell which should hit home for feminists if Ted’s correct:

“Within human populations where females have historically experienced greater license to choose a mate/sperm sample, due to the correlation between economic success and intelligence, greater female discrimination has aided the males of our species to become more vigorous genetically, especially regarding IQ.” – Choróin Ó Ceallaigh

‘Choice’ is a word feminists love to sloganize, but the irony is that the birthrate of rabid feminists is extremely low compared with females lacking their same social antagonisms, which will only increase the pool of males available to those right-headed females actually seeking a male for mating purposes. Because the direction of future evolution, and especially male vigor, is decided by breeding rather than constant dry-womb kvetching about muh patriarchy, if Ted’s theory is correct (I’d wager it is), feminists are only plotting a future where males have an even larger variability in IQ in comparison to females. Too bad for the overall fertility rate though – R.I.P.

Ted’s theory (in genetic terms) translates into an extremely selective pressure on the genes within the Y-chromosome in particular, which is only transmitted through male lines. Recent studies on the link between the Y-chromosome and dimorphic differences in brain development are beyond the scope of this article, but if the readers dare delve into this arena the following study is a good place to start:

The Role of the Y Chromosome in Brain Function (2010). “Conclusion: Despite its small size, and limited gene content, we have argued here that the Y chromosome may exert a considerable influence on brain function. As a consequence of its inheritance pattern, genes upon it may help to define male-specific brain phenotypes, and hence male-typical behaviors. . . . A major goal for future work will be to describe the brain functions of Y-linked genes in terms of their relevance to selective evolutionary forces acting on the chromosome, such as sexual antagonism. Further studies on the Y chromosome will provide insights into the biological basis of neural sexual differentiation (or lack thereof), and will clarify the molecular basis of sex biases in common neuropsychiatric disorders.”

Right there at the end, we see the real reason why removing academic activists is vital to human progress: The study of neuropsychiatric disorders is tied up with our understanding of sexual dimorphisms. Why should we choose political correctness over advances in medical science which could greatly alleviate human suffering by possibly opening up a world of treatments and cures for brain disorders? Maybe we should ask this question to the faculty, administrators and trustees of the University of Chicago, the “Free-Speech University” according to the Wall Street Journal. Don’t expect an answer any time soon – the devil protects his own.

SIN #3:

Ted is a male . . . the most serious crime of all, but Ted DGAF.

The Best Retirement Present Ever

Clearly, Ted and his two colleagues are victims of gender discrimination in the workplace by a female activist and her accomplice husband with a different surname who you just know chants “yes zir” all day long like a parrot gagging for a cracker. Unfortunately, Ted’s two colleagues removed their names from his paper before publication, caving into the pressure because they fear to jeopardize their careers. But what about Ted? No, Ted wasn’t about to retire without making use of his middle finger before his joints seize up. Ted went full honey badger.

Beware the all-powerful retiree – the honey badger of academia!

Ted seems to have learned the best lesson of all from the post-mortem Galileo, and he’s done so while still drawing breath. Persevering to bring this curious saga to light will pay dividends for posterity. However, this individual effort is merely one building block necessary to expose the hyenas preying upon academic freedoms, subsequently infecting our culture and hamstringing real human progress.

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That group strategy I hinted at earlier is where you, dear reader, come into your own. Ted’s story is a weapon and there are many other examples out there requiring a home in an organized armory. Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to ensure these weapons are constantly fired and reloaded on social media and in the public space, but also woven into future alternative media productions such as online video and prose. This is evolutionary war. Only through this group strategy can we earn a much-needed advantage by turning the tables of fear upon these hyenas. Females who care more about social harmony and family needs than selfish agenda, who value the future wellbeing of their sons, should be treated as the Chess Queens they are – MVP’s – and don’t forget this, men! Healthy families are the engine of human progress and the single most important driver of success or failure in human evolution. It’s a group effort, or it’s a dead end.

Ted’s episode will now get hung on the same immovable wall as the activist bullying of Jordan Peterson, James Damore, Cassie Jaye and Lindsay Shepherd (more ammunition). I can only imagine one retirement gift better for badger Ted than having a paper published in the NYJM, and that’s being the first person to have a paper published but then memory-holed by Orwellian activists. Undoubtedly, Ted’s paper will now be read by more people than any other NYJM paper, ever. Winning!

“First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win” – a based male badger

Here’s the link to Ted’s archived paper and here’s the link to Ted’s Quillette article which contains far juicier intrigue than an episode of Game of Thrones. It’s well worth the read though I’d love to see a mini-documentary of Ted’s story set to a David Attenborough impersonator unlocking the faunal mysteries of the academic food chain. There has to be a talented YouTube badger out there somewhere looking for a project to bite into. Extra points if YouTube bans it. Dare to be famous, like Ted.

“The lady doth protest too much, methinks.”

from Republic Standard | Conservative Thought & Culture Magazine https://ift.tt/2xMVPOS via IFTTT

[nailtravels]

Wow.

So that just happened. Maybe the mostmilk fun ever. With zero bugs and perfect weather, how can the same festival keep getting better? Sure, the music is great, but it’s about so much more than that. Can it ever reach some kind of ceiling? Maybe not, Grasshopper. Sure, there were Chris Robinson fans, but there were also Umphries fans who drove right past Atlanta, en route to The Spirit of Suwannee Music Park, because that’s just where they had to be. There’s no place better.

Rednecks, hillbillies and hipsters. They came from all over to attend the 2018 Wanee Festival and this year’s mammoth-sized hot air balloon of a party certainly did not fail to impress. After being invited, Corporal Turner politely replied, “That festival is a little fast”, and he was probably spot on. Even without the likes of Luke Sidewalker, the Captain and Clayopheus III, the glorious festavarians found themselves lurking all the way down into the darkest halls of the slickest funk.

All the way down to Chinatown. Welcome to Wanee ’18: It’s time to panic.

Saturday afternoon Peach Stage Wanee Festival 2018

At some point, many people feel the weight of age and responsibility and find it necessary to put down  childish things.  There are others however, who’ve decided to verge from that path and decorate themselves with glitter and feathers.

They are the Wontons. The Watusi of the First Order. They have no trouble playing with  childish things.

When in doubt….twirl.

Even with the bogus paperwork, it’s getting harder to smuggle Lucienda into The Spirit of Suwannee Music Park. They call it progress but it’s looking more like Colorado or Oregon. In those places, hushed voices still decry her an outcast, forever exiled from their private parties. Especially Longmont and it’s unusual brand of stickiness. Usually it wouldn’t be a problem, but after the Luke Sidewalker “incident” at Spring Reunion, a modicum of adult caution can surely be afforded. Between smashed guitars and bail money, these trips are beginning to cost a pretty penny.

It was Melissa’s turn to have some fun. She never claimed to be a prophet, but she knew what kind of party awaited her at Wanee and Live Oak. It was always the most ridiculous and hilarious gathering of fruitcakes ever. Their utterly ludicrice behavior was matched only by their ability to uncontrollably love everyone around them.

She’d predicted that the festival love-meter would be set at 11. No festival can boast more good vibes. Along with a generous helping of Allman brothers originals, Wanee takes great pride in its vibe. The love-meter was definitely pushing into the red and it appeared as though the governor had been removed.

Listen for the crack of the whip. Look under the Thunder Chicken and the Mullet.

Wanee 2018 Highlights:

WSMFP: Friday and Saturday night the Peach Stage turned into a bubbling froth of rock-n-roll stupafunk, as Widespread Panic brought their pounding slather to Live Oak. Double IPAs and good scotch were replaced by Natty Lights and Evan Williams as the Spreadnecks, Spreadheads and even Spreadnexicans took over the camp grounds and danced until their eyes hurt. Listen for the fireworks because it’s only rock music and this place just turned into Fort Sumter. One thing is for certain, Widespread Panic makes girls bounce, grunt and pop. They turn into howler monkeys that bounce around making clicks and funky humming sounds.

Jimmy Herring and John Bell of Widespread Panic. Wanee ’18: photo by J.Nail

J.Nail, Scott and George

Duder and El Dudarino

George and Cassie

A.J. and Karisa

As The Crow Flies

Boone Hillbillies: Jessica said she would never camp next door to hillbillies again after the “trouble” with the Roanoke mafioso a only a few years ago. It had been either Clayopheus III or Darth Waffle who initially planted the dark seed of sin but harsh memories still lingered. Once you’ve picked up with serious mountain people, there’s no telling when things may turn south, but dear Prudence, you can bet your bottom shilling that it’s going to happen. Run off from her own spot at the Poncho Tree by Sabrina and Steve at the Camp Happiness field site, she was poking around the Farm Field, haggard and worn, run off like a red-headed stepchild and looking for a new place to set up camp. Her rainbow would finally curl to the ground at the Farm Field, right in the middle of a group of derelict Boone, North Carolina hillbillies.

Huckleberry wore tie-dyed green overalls as he took a snort from the jug. When it was warm, he donned the shorts overalls and likely had several more in reserve. He and his woman Dewdrop, who was also known to pull a cork, had some kind of matching flower tattoos that made a picture when they pushed their necks together. They were definitely from North Carolina. You could smell the moonshine and see the gummies stuck in their tooth when they spoke up close. Their posse brought cute girls with them from App. State, but the only skin anyone would see would be A.J.’s butt cheeks as he used the area next to our camp for his water closet. He relieved himself just outside of his tent in what would be called a side yard, or at the very least, a commons, and we subsequently used the area for the same end. The only casualty was poor Smitty, whose tent was pitched in the depressed ravine between the two camps.

He woke up screaming profanities as warm urine trickled through his thinning hair. The altercation that ensued left one hillbilly with a barbecue skewer sticking out of his quadricep and another peeling melted plastic from his skin after his camping chair was knocked into the fire. The moonshine ignited into billowing black smoke that got the attention of a lady policeman who broke up the fight. She had worked security with Hambone at Telluride and stayed around for some boiled peanuts and PBRs. Before it was over she’d traded her handcuffs and a confiscated five strip to Lefty for an angry hand job. Things were f’sho getting ridiculous and that was before the homeless girl showed up.

Baitbucket had always been attracted to homeless girls, ever since Denver and the one who lived in tunnels. This girl didn’t live in tunnels and she wasn’t even homeless, but she did work in a homeless shelter and that was good enough for union work. Sometimes you can just tell that a girl used to have dreadlocks.

Jessica used to think she was making friends at festivals, but these people were never going to amount to friends. They don’t call it the “Wanee Family” for nothing.

So this just happened. Wanee 2018: photo by George Rodgers

The Gay Dolphin: Much Wanee love goes out to the proprietors of the best bar in the Hidden Woods. Serving oysters and gumbo during the day, ginaritas in the afternoon and gin and tonics in the early, early morning. It’s quite a hike toward the river but this out of the way nook has a 2-6 am happy hour can’t be beat. Find Beth the bartender for late night cordials.

Their late-night fire circle music was one of the tastiest scenes around. Thanks to Ed on vocals, Mike on slashing lead guitar and CJ on drum bucket. We’re proud to announce that the talented Maren is the newest nailtravels intern. Look for her stellar photography in upcoming articles. Check out Mike’s shop at Dixie Workshop Inc. for all your custom kitchen needs. Whether it’s computerized design, woodworking, molding or furniture, let them be your first stop for high end custom cabinetry. It’s pretty fancy stuff, but you’re worth it.

Thug Life: Jessica had been doing so well. Although a complete chemical toilet, she’d managed to hold it together from Wednesday until Saturday. Things began going south as she teamed up with Charlotte County crackers long enough to take several snorts from their jug of crotch whiskey. Just before the Carl Benson set, she began complaining of hot flashes and broke into a foamy sweat. Melissa tried to drag her away from the coach and out into the dirt road so she wouldn’t get her sick anywhere important, but after all attempts failed, Jessica dropped her head into her lap and vomited out her crotch whiskey and purple ringers.

Thanks to the common Gainesville street criminals for contributing the breakfast espressos and caramels. Saturday dn Sunday breakfast also contributed greatly to the overall continued success of the entire group. Y’all are definitely what’s referred to as “upper stock”.

Thanks to nailtravels contributing photographer, George Rodgers for lending his eye to the project. It was a pleasure to finally see our credentials being used to take quality concert photographs. You are the wind beneath my wings.

Remember, if he’s carrying a new bag and wearing clean New Balance shoes, then he’s a cop dressed as a hippy. We’re not trying to be rude, but you gosta go.

E A Sy Thug Life: Wanee 18: photo by George Rodgers

In between flasks of crotch whiskey and Pigeons Playing Ping Pong, there must be time for an gyro. Nutrients are a real thing and if you don’t take care of yourself, you’re going to be useless to the rest of us. Think about it.

Wanee Restroom Guidelines:

Put your bracelet on the opposite hand from which you wipe.

Bring baby wipes for ultimate freshness and hippy baths.

The adult diaper section of the store also has extra large wipes.

Your best chance for warm water is either four in the morning or four in the afternoon.

The showers toward the river and in the loop are lovely and offer more hot water.

Take a hippy bath in the Suwannee River.

Vaping is Science.

Darkstar Orchestra on the Peach Stage. Wanee ’18: photo by J.Nail

“Mushroom Madness”

Marcus King. Wanee 18: photo by J.Nail

Tips to Making Friends with Your Neighbors:

Introduce Yourself: Before you try to sell anyone a poster, visit and have a little fellowship.

Contribute: Chicken thighs, burnt pig bone, guitar music or firewood. It takes a village to raise a party. Everyone had something to offer. Maybe your job is just to lend a little harmony. Thanks for showing up.

Be Courteous: Everyone understands that the rules that apply to family camping are different when piling together into the forest. That being said, there is a limit to how much late-night Club Boca anyone wants. Go ahead and let your freak flag fly, but know that if you get too amplified in the wee hours of the night, you may get a visit from a Florida Moose. This doesn’t end well for you, my precious.

Share: The last thing you want is to leave a pile of warm chicken for the Chihuahuas. It’s worse than finding beer and food coupons in your pocket once you get home. Break everything out and use it with the people around you. Likely, they will do the same thing and you’ll put together a stone soup. And why can’t a Bloody Mary have a cheese puff? Maybe you need to check it out.

Phil Lesh on the Peach Stage. @Wanee ’18: photo by J.Nail

Phil Lesh and the Terrapin Family Band: The Grateful Dead bassist continues to stomp the living hell out of jam band rock tunes. Dropping bombs hither and yon, his Terrapin Family Band came through with a severe layer of pump and bump and a tasty West LA Fade Away and the Rippin’ Ripple, which was a severely sassy way to end the show. Find ol’ boy Steve and Mr. Larose next time you’re listening to Phil drop bombs everywhere and looking for someone with which to frolick.

Gary and Shannon

Dumpsta Sugar Phunk Magic

Smitty, Ted and Moose

Nice lids yo.

Dimples Dyes. Wanee ’18: photo by J.Nail

As The Crow Flies

Melissa and Jessica

Wanee ’18: photo by George Rodgers

Darkstar Orchestra at Wanee 18: photo by J.Nail

Thomas and Moose in their pajamas,

Chris Robinson Brotherhood

Friends and Family: Thanks to all the folks who spent the festival working while the rest of us trickled lazily through the meadows and forests trails. The first stop we always make is to Jade at her traveling wearable art  boutique. A Bazaar Universe is the perfect stop for some soft wrist warmers and droopy hats. Check out her Facebook page and take a look at her wares. She is so awesome. When you’re done there, also visit Dimple’s Dyes and check out her beautiful creations on her website and Facebook. Remember, cowboys are fascinated by hippy girls.

Be sure to visit the The Allman Brothers Band Museum at the Big House. It’s where the Allman Brothers Band, their roadies, friends and families lived from 1970 to 1973. Visit their website or ramble down highway 41 and walk the hallowed grounds of the band that shaped the music industry and are credited with being the forefathers of “Southern Rock”.

Chris Robinson Brotherhood. Wanee 2018: photo by J.Nail

Chris Robinson Brotherhood/As the Crow Flies:  Blessed be to Scott for dragging everyone away from the fire and reminding us that Chris Robinson was playing on the Peach Stage. Sometimes the fire breathes you. Welcome to the world of the prolapsed sand dollar. The Chris Robinson Brotherhood on Friday and As The Crow Flies on Saturday was a combined treat for the masses. The hippy funk of Friday’s show was a super pleasure, especially with keyboardist Adam MacDougall with his touches on everything from Dylan and Parliament Funkadelic to psych rock and Chicago rhythm & blues. Soooo Good.

Typical Wanee Directions:

I’ll be the first one here. Look for me.

We’re in the back of the loop.

We’re by the lake, next to David.

We’re in the bat field.

Look for the tapestries.

Look for the blinking lights.

We’re right behind the Grateful Dead flag.

Look under the Thunder Chicken.

Look for me lying unconscious next to my van.

Look for me sleeping under a tarp.

Look for me peeing in a hammock

I’ll be the last one here. Look for me.

As we move ever close to the environmental consciousness of festivals like Telluride and Rockygrass, we’re starting to see more advocacy groups devoting their time to Wanee. WWALS is a nonprofit educational corporation advocating for watershed conservation and stewardship of the Withlacoochee, Willacoochee, Alapaha, Little and Suwannee Rivers. Mad props to WWALS Watershed Coalition, Inc. for their work with the Alapaha River Water Trail and the First Annual Suwannee Riverkeeper Songwriting Contest. These are perfect reasons to get involved. Visit their website for upcoming outings and events or email them at wwalswatershed@gmail.com and contact@suwanneeriverkeeper.org.

Darkstar Orchestra. Wanee 18

“Help or get some.”

Cameron was plum tuckered out when he dropped into his love-wagon and headed toward Gainesville. His wrists were draped with bracelets and the dusty windshield was cracked and covered with parking stickers from this and other festivals. A hot shower was in his future where he would give a serious scrubbing to his feet and nails. It would take more than a few days to get those Wanee feet clean. He had, after all, slept under his car for no apparent reason.

Good job Wanee for picking up all your festavarian gear once again. The Culture of Wanee lives! Except for a delicous gross of Mardi Gras beads, there were few ground scores to be had, as usual. Park employees such as Matt (i.e. Toe-mas, Glimmer Man) were quick to applaud the efforts of the attendees again this year. It’s so nice to play with professionals.

Thanks to Wanee Festival for inviting nailtravels to be part of the action. It’s still the best party around. Thanks to The Spirit of Suwannee Music Park for providing a sense of place that transcends everything else. With Suwannee River Jam and Purple Hatters Ball on the horizon, it doesn’t have to be so long between trips.

  Remove your love governor.

Wanee Festival ’18: It’s Time To Panic Wow. So that just happened. Maybe the mostmilk fun ever. With zero bugs and perfect weather, how can the same festival keep getting better?