#ESPECIALLY about having to specifically opt out EVERY SINGLE BLOG

[oimatchstickman]

Overall I just think that @staff know for a fact that the selling of user data and ability to scrape the site for AI garbage should have been opt-in rather than opt-out but the higher-up people who made that decision are cowards and know that they would've never gotten enough people to opt-in to make it worth it so they're banking on most of the userbase to not even know about this and/or that all the abandoned blogs will provide enough "content" for the AIs to spit out utter garbage with 🙃

[shinelikethunder]

seriously though, it's incredible how much of my "maybe titties again?" goodwill tumblr torched in 30 seconds through obnoxious UX alone:

i am browsing around in the android app. i see a post about disabling some new content filter. this is the first I've heard of it, even though my version of the app does turn out to have it - they put it in place before adding any mechanism to let me know it's there. strike one.

i go to settings > dashboard, the place where all the settings about what you do and don't see are supposed to live. no sign of it.

i go back to the settings menu. squint at it. see an unremarkable entry near the bottom called "Content you see" that isn't highlighted or marked as new in any way (even though i can't even visit anyone's blog anymore without having to actively tap past an FYI tooltip that can't be turned off, every single time, shilling weeks-old gift features that I've already used)

...oh, that's where my custom tag and keyword filters went. no prior indication they'd even been moved!

i have a lot of filters set up. like. a LOT. i now have to scroll past every single one of them, tag AND keyword, uncollapsed and unabridged, just to see whether there's another setting hiding underneath. on mobile! even the desktop site is more polite than this, jesus

just to recap so far: the only reason i even know to look is that i saw a random post about new content settings, and i would never have bothered with all that scrolling if i weren't crusty and paranoid about sites that hide vital settings in the depths of Menu Hell. i mean, that'd be crazy, right? surely listing all those filters with no collapse is a signal there's nothing worthwhile underneath them.

oh no wait, there they are!

it's not just one toggle, it's FOUR new settings!

all of them are set to "hide everything and never even let me know it was there"

even though there is a "blur" option that would've let me know that stuff was being hidden from me without actually showing it

even though i have, in the past, gone into every iteration of the adult content settings that tumblr has ever rolled out and affirmatively ordered it to show me the titties

THEY ARE NOT TOGGLES. EACH ONE OPENS A SEPARATE MENU SCREEN. every single one of the FOUR new settings needs like 3+ taps in the android app just to put it back to normal.

does turning on the catchall "mature content" setting cause the three more specific ones to default to "show" and let me pick restrictions as needed like a goddamn adult? NOPE, i have to go into the stupid little menu for every single one

it's almost like you didn't want me to find them and, having found them, wanted to make me pay as high an annoyance tax as possible to opt out of being nannied

the dashboard banner that eventually shows up, btw, says nothing about having been voluntold for additional filtering, and also just dumps you out in the general settings menu and leaves you to fend for yourself, with no indication of where this shit is hidden or what "this shit" even is. and that's downright friendly next to the link in the announcement post that's apparently been kicking people out of the app and onto web.

this is not how you get a rightfully mistrustful userbase to be optimistic about putting scarlet letters on their own posts. this is not how you convince anyone that it's just a courtesy, not a scarlet letter, or that it won't be used to punish and stigmatize you the instant the wind shifts direction.

in the most practical here-and-now terms, this is also not how you get people to USE the new content warnings on their posts! artists, especially, are hardly gonna jump to flag anything as mature if it means every single one of their followers - regardless of age, previous adult content settings, or whether they're in Apple's walled garden or not - has just been silently opted out of ever knowing it was there. (this goes double if it requires more than one sentence to explain how to reverse it. which this new setting seems almost deliberately designed to do.)

look, i want the titties back, okay? i would be delighted if this turned out to be the first step towards bringing them back. i know Tumblr is under duress from Apple that affects how they can do whatever they're doing here. but the way it's being rolled out sucks needless ass, and if they wanted my hope and trust, well, those are easier to muster up when I'm not going in grouchy about the frustrating UX of an app that's just taken hostile action against my prior explicitly-affirmed preferences.

[pexpoindia]

The Essential Gym Companion: Why You Need Gym Shakers

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[premiumtransfers]

Benefits of Using a Chauffeur Service for Your Business Trip

When it comes to traveling for business, every aspect of your trip should be seamless and efficient. From transportation to meetings, every detail matters. One way to ensure a smooth and comfortable journey is by opting for a chauffeur service. In this blog, we'll explore the numerous benefits of using a chauffeur service for your business trip, and we'll introduce you to Premium Transfers, a reputable provider of chauffeur services.

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[fuwushiguro]

I’m leaving.

So I’d imagine this has come as a shock to no one but I’ve decided that I’ve overstayed my welcome and opted to leave. I’m not gonna pretend it’s all been bad because it hasn’t. I’ve made friends for life and I’m really grateful for that. I’ve written some things that I’m proud of even if other people don’t like my writing, it hurts but I suppose no one can take my pride away from me. It’s been really difficult and hurtful to feel like an outsider for so long. Since joining I didn’t think fitting in would be such a pivotal point of writing and being in the community but it is. I feel like a spare part and heavily disliked here so I don’t think this is a healthy space for me to be any longer. I’ve tried so hard to make my blog a place people feel safe, people enjoy and people want to be. Unfortunately I don’t think I’ve succeeded at any of those things. My interactions are incredibly low in comparison to my follow count and fellow incredible writers and I have no one but myself to blame. As hard as I’ve tried, I suppose my writing isn’t good enough for anyone. I don’t hold it against anyone, I’ve tried in every way that I can to make a success out of my writing, my blog, and myself, but it’s obvious my attempts have been failures and simply aren’t good enough. I would have loved nothing more than to be a place people feel happy and a person people like to talk to but I just can’t seem to make it work here. I always try and think positive even after every failed fic and attempt to be better. “I’ll work on this next and I’m sure this will be my big break!” The big break never comes. It’s very easy to say you shouldn’t write for other people and you shouldn’t care about notes, but I do. Receiving compliments is nice and it’s something I enjoy, especially when I pour my heart and soul into my work. It's devastating to work on something you're excited for people to interact with and to receive radio silence, especially when peers receive endless praise and love for their writing. And rightly so! Every writer deserves love and the entire world for writing and sharing their stories for FREE. It's just not too difficult for me to pretend the lack of engagement isn't hurting me anymore. It really fucking is and I can't carry on attaching my writing to my self worth because I truthfully don't want to live at the minute. I feel so God awful about myself and my writing and my lack of talent or worth that I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. I’ve tried every bit of advice I’ve sought out and received. I work incredibly hard to make my blog pretty and aesthetically pleasing. I do a million proof reads before I post anything because I’d feel incredibly guilty if someone read something I wrote and noticed even one mistake. And yet, no one cares. No one cares if my work is long or short. No one cares what I’m working on. No one cares about what I share. It’s that simple, no one cares. But I do. Every single ask Ive received, I care. Every comment every reblog every like, I care. The minimal interaction is what has kept me going but it’s just not enough for me anymore, I’m sorry if it’s selfish but that’s how I feel. I’m sorry for those waiting for specific series updates. I’m sorry for those looking forward to what I was going to be doing in future. But most importantly, I’m sorry for not being good enough. Tumblr has made me feel worthless and useless and I just can’t bear to feel that way anymore. I’m sorry. I may feel better after some time away, I don't know. Maybe leaving won't be permanent and maybe it will. I don't know. At the minute, I don't see a future here. @toyomitsus has kindly agreed to post the final Valentine's fic I wrote tonight on my behalf, I imagine that will be the last thing I put up. I'm setting up a temporary pinned post so people are aware of my absence but still have access to my navi and fics. Sorry to ramble.

Goodbye everyone.

Love, Luxe 💖

[fortheloveofwonderland]

Tattooed Heart [Spencer Reid x fem! Reader]

Find my masterlist here. Requests are Open.

Taglist is open, you can find the form here.

Requested: Yes l No

Request: from Anon - “Hi! I saw the request you got on your second blog and it got me thinking. Can you write something about reader having a lot of tattoos and spencer thinks she’s a “bad girl” (not that tattoos make you bad but you know... stigma) and that she’ll never want him (maybe early seasons Spence?) and is in literal shock when she asks him out? I just want tattoo representation in fics"

A/N: I couldn't WAIT to write this. As a woman with quite a lot of tattoos this was very inspiring to me. Because there is still stigma surrounding tattoo's, I always get looked at a certain way and people always make assumptions about me due to my tattoos. I loved the idea of Spencer being so into a heavily tattooed female!

CW: vague hints at masturbation (male) other than that just a little pervy Spencer but not too much. Talk of insecurities and being looked at differently because of tattoos.

Plot: Once Spencer notices your tattoos, he can't stop thinking about them. But surely a "bad girl" wouldn't be interested in a guy like him?

Part Two | Part Three

WC: 1K

—————————————————————

From the moment you walked into the BAU on your first day, Spencer knew there was something different about you. He didn’t know what it was, he couldn’t quite put his finger on it.

It wasn’t until a few months into you joining the team and a case took you to Arizona in the middle of summer that he realised what it was.

He met you at the crime scene way out in the desert and you’d rid your usual blazer, opting for a much more weather appropriate tank top.

You caught him staring at you as you exited the car, pulling your latex gloves on.

“How long has she been dead?” you asked him, trying not to make eye contact with him.

“Uh…” he swallowed. “She uh…”

You sighed, looking back at him to see his eyes raking over your bare arms.

“Stare much?” you put one hand on your hip and raised your eyebrow at him. “Yes Spencer, I have tattoos.”

He couldn’t tear his eyes away from the beautiful and intricate body art that adorned your body. You had two full sleeves, from your wrists, stretching up to your collarbones and he could just about make out one peeking out from between your breasts.

“Spencer!” you scalded him as his eyes dipped to your chest.

His eyes shot back up to meet yours, his embarrassment written all over his face. He nervously played with his glasses.

“Uh...sorry.” he chewed his lip. “I uh...I just…”

“When was her time of death?” you asked again, trying to pull his mind back to the case.

It wasn’t the first time you had been looked at in that way. For the most part you tried to keep your tattoos covered at work because there was still a stigma attached to being a tattooed woman, especially in a government job.

People always make assumptions about you and you could tell by the look on Spencer’s face that he was doing just that.

***

Spencer couldn’t get the sight of your decorated skin out of his mind. He didn’t think tattoos were something he would find attractive but seeing them on you had awoken something in him.

They were so delicate and artistic and Spencer wanted to trace his fingers over every single one of them. He wanted to kiss every inch of your inked skin.

The thought of this made him hard beyond belief. Sitting in his motel room later that night he was straining against his slacks as he closed his eyes and pictured your artwork, specifically the one between your breasts he hadn’t gotten the chance to see properly.

Did you have more under your clothes? What else would await him beneath layers of fabric? Maybe your ribs were decorated, your thighs too. God he wanted to find out more than anything else in the world.

But there was no chance of that. You were clearly a bad girl, and bad girls were not interested in Spencer Reid.

He was the perfect depiction of the nice guy. He was awkward and a little dorky with his thick rimmed glasses, parted hair and penchant for ties, sweater vests and pressed slacks.

There was no possible way a woman like you would ever be interested in a man like him.

So knowing never stood a chance with you, he freed his aching member from his slacks and wrapped his hand around his shaft.

He closed his eyes and pictured your glorious body and its stunning artwork as he stroked himself.

It didn’t take long at all for him to reach his climax.

***

Months passed and Spencer kept his desires for you to himself. Every time he caught a glimpse of your tattooed flesh he would add it to his sordid box of images for when he was alone later.

It was coming up a year since you joined the team when the whole team was on a night out. It was a warm night and you showed up to the bar wearing a sundress that showed off your arms and the full extent of the tattoo between your breasts.

It also gave Spencer a glimpse at the tattoos that adorned your calves and thighs.

It drove him wild. And clearly he wasn’t subtle about it because about half way through the night, you sidled up close to him while he was getting a drink.

“You’ve been staring at me all night.” you raised an eyebrow at him. “Do you have a problem with my tattoos?”

“W-what?” he stuttered, staring wide eyed at you. “Far from it, actually.” he chewed his lip, his cheeks turning red.

“Oh.” your own eyes widened. “Oh.”

So that was what this was. Spencer wasn’t disgusted by your tattoos, he was attracted to them.

“In that case,” you stepped closer to him hearing his breath hitch. You placed a hand on his chest and smirked mischievously at him. “Why don’t you take me out to dinner and maybe I’ll let you see the other ones I keep hidden.”

“Ot-others.” he swallowed, his pants tightening.

“Oh yes Spencer.” you let your hand trail to his tie and you toyed with it between your fingers. “There’s a lot more you haven’t seen yet. But play your cards right and you just might.”

Spencer couldn’t talk, he could barely breathe. He just nodded dumbly at you.

“Now I’m going to let you watch me walk away. Pay close attention to the backs of my thighs.” You winked at him before turning your back on him.

He watched you walk away and as your thighs met as you walked he saw it.

Half a heart on each thigh. When brought together, they made a whole.

—————————————————————

Taglist -

All ships & genres -

@muffin-cup @andiebeaword @mggsprettygirl @measure-in-pain @ptrs-prkrs @sexy-dumpster-fire @takeyourleap-of-faith

SR all genres -

@mcumorningstar @iamwarrenspeace @manuosorioh @bellaswanismysoulmate @spencereidsupremacy @sweetandsunny

@sunkissglow @wheelsupscenehater @tvandfanfic @spenxerslut @thetiniestsupersoldier @dr-spence-reid @sleepretreat @battinsonn @90spumkin @dr-spencerr-reidd @goldeng1rl8 @amesandpineapples @adoringanakin @dreatine @ukai-hoe @reidandhisgourd @frickin-bats @boxofsparklingmuses

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@willowrose99 @multixfandomwriter

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[robotslenderman]

Ewww getting big privileged homophobe vibes from you. Blocking now.

Thank God.

I doubt you'll ever read this, but just in case hate-reading is your thing - I don't know why you bothered with anon. You're obviously not a follower because I talk about how queer I am here ALL THE TIME. I saw many queerphobes on that queer post, and even visited a few of their blogs. (Most of them were TERFs, except one - you, who claimed to be a trans dude. Maybe you are! Maybe you're not a TERF posing as a trans dude and you really are okay with being part of a movement absolutely dominated by TERFs!)

But there was only one that I left a comment on. You'd posted about how queer people are so horrible to call ourselves queer. Like the anthropomorphic personification of class and tact that I am, I trolled you by asking if my queer presence made you uncomfortable.

Clearly, it did. :)

So go ahead. Call me the first mean name that comes to your head, as if it bothered me what a random totally-not-anon thinks I am. I'm totally fine with queerphobes thinking my existence is homophobic, because the only way they'd understand otherwise is if I pretended I wasn't queer. My alleged homophobia is latched on to my identity as a queer person. The only way you would not accuse me of being homophobic is if I stopped calling myself queer.

So you use my very identity as a weapon against me. I am queer, and I am attached to not being a homophobe. You know that queer people do not want to be perceived as something they hate completely by anyone, strangers included, especially on a website where people harass first and listen later (if at all). So you hold us hostage - deny our queerness, and you'll drop your weapon. You'll drop the word "homophobic" and stop pointing it at me.

I'm not gonna cave to this.

Nor am I going to write an outraged essay about how I'm not homophobic. You know perfectly fucking well that not a SINGLE queer person is straight. You know perfectly fucking well that most queer people are same sex attracted or attracted to enbies. You know perfectly fucking well that queer people have accepted that part of us and aren't dealing with internalised homophobia or inflicting it on other people because we ACKNOWLEDGE our queerness and you can see this, otherwise you wouldn't be getting mad about it. In a homophobic society everyone has a degree of it, but by being what we are we have less of it than the great majority.

You know this perfectly well. Don't fucking pretend otherwise, I would have to believe that you are well and truly and sincerely STUPID to think for one second that you think I'm a straight person or a closeted gay person who's lashing out with malicious homophobia. Real homophobia, not "this person is part of a minority I am bigoted against, so I will claim they are inherently homophobic unless they get back in the closet or categorise themself in a way that allows me to fine tune my bigotry appropriately."

Because let's be real. Queer hasn't been used as a slur in decades and was reclaimed before I was even born. "Gay" was the slur of the time when I was growing up, but people like you never had a problem with that. Why? Because gay is clear cut and well defined. The problem people like you have with queers like me - the REAL problem, not the faux outraged you have made up about my label - is that queer means I have declined your insistence to more accurately categorise myself.

I mean, how else would you know specifically how to treat me? I could be bi and you might hate bi people, but if I'm a gay queer you don't want to aim the wrong type of bigotry at me by mistake - not because you care about gay people (you don't, because many gay people are also queer), but because you don't want to make yourself look silly by aiming the wrong type of bigotry at me. I could be queer because I'm an enby, and maybe you're truescum that would despise me for it, but you don't KNOW whether or not I'm an enby and that drives you mad! You don't want to risk alienating people who care about you by shitting on someone they might not agree is an acceptable target, so you target every queer and claim it's about a word when really, many queer people seek refugee under that term to hide from people like you, and you don't like that we can hide from you, so you try to strip our shelter away from us.

(And let's be honest. You probably don't even actually hate us. You're probably just afraid. Afraid of some identity you don't really understand because you've never taken the time to get to know us, or afraid that society will accept you less if we're "competing" for acceptance and so take some of the spotlight... I won't shit on you for fear, anon. We are all afraid of something. But I absolutely have a problem with how you're choosing to knowingly hurt people to cope with it. You called me "homophobe" to hurt me. There was no other way to possibly interpret the context of what you were saying. You meant to do this.)

So take away queer. Take away the shelter of queer. Force every queer person to divulge, upfront, who they are that makes them friends with queer. Force them out of the closet and pretend THAT'S not homophobic.

Send the gay queers back to the L and G of LGBT, let the TERFs flush out the trans people who are queer because they're trans* and shoo them away from LGBTQ spaces. Or maybe you really are trans, but you want to kick out straight trans people, or enbies, or pan people, or bi people, or ace people, or, one of the many populations that make up the true queer community.

* Not all trans people are queer, but many are BECAUSE they're trans. I would say "many are queer because they identify as queer" because that makes it sound like queerness isn't an inherent part of who we are and gives people like you ammo I have no interest in supplying you with. "Aha! So you CHOOSE to be a slur!" I just know you'd completely ignore everything I said to the contrary and say that.

Yes. The true queer community.

We've told you again and again that we're not calling you queer. We've told you again and again, if you're not queer, you're not part of the queer community. You're LGBT+, not queer. I'm not part of the LGBT+ community, I'm part of the queer community.

The queer community is not the true community of people who aren't straight and cis, that's not what I'm saying. We're not any more or less LGBT+ than you. I'm not invalidating the identities of people who aren't straight and/or cis, because they are who they are, and you don't need to be queer to be LGBT+. But we are the true queer community in that we are queer, and people who are LGBT+ but are not queer are not queer. Only queer people are queer.

("But people use queer community as an umbrella term to mean people who aren't queer, but are still LGBT+!" Buddy, if I have to deal with being called LGBT all the time even though it's not true, while having the people who use LGBT obviously mean me too because I'm not straight, then you can live with it too. That's mostly straights doing that, in which case you have no reason to get mad at US, or people who are are making something for a straight audience or a questioning audience, in which case they're making it accessible because not everyone knows the nuance of queer and LGBTALPHABETSOUP discourse. Or even - and I know this thought is incomprehensible to you, as the centre of the universe - it's actually referring to queer people and queer people only, not LGBT+ who aren't queer. Actually, I love that idea! Queer history is now history of queer people, no non-queer LGBT+ allowed :D)

I've never felt LGBT+ even when I thought I was one of the main four letters. But I've always felt queer, even as my understanding of my specific brand of queerness changed. Queer is an umbrella term that is opt in, that covers any and all LGBT+ people who know they are queer too, who know they're one of us, or who simply choose to call themselves queer for whatever fucking reason they want. Some of us are intrinsically queer, some choose to be queer because of the inclusiveness or relative opacity of the term, and you don't know which one a queer person is unless you have earned our trust enough for us to tell you.

And people like you fucking hate that.

So you know what?

I'm totally fine with you calling me a homophobe because the people who actually know more about me than the few sentences I've given you know that that's a joke, and their good opinion matters more to me than yours.

I'm totally fine with you calling me a homophobe because because it means I've won. I've gotten under your skin, just as your bigotry got right under mine. You're furious you can't categorise me. You're pissed off that I could be one of the LGBT+ people you actively dislike and want out of the LGBT+ community, but are finding a hell of a lot harder to flush out of the queer community because we all look the same at first glance and refuse to give you information you feel entitled to. Because it's easy to force people out of the closet in the LGBT+ community, but much fucking harder in a meritocracy like the queer community. To get into the LGBT+ community, you have to tell them which one you are. Queer? No questions asked, cause you already told us all we needed to know! Welcome home!

But let's say this is all a strawman.

That you really are some well meaning person who has nothing against the more obscure queer identities and that you really do just have a problem with the word. That you truly do think that queer people, the great majority of which experience same sex attraction, are... somehow... homophobic just for using the word despite their advocacy against homophobia and total acceptance of that aspect of themselves and others. That our fight for marriage equality and employment and housing protections and human rights is rendered COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY IRRELEVANT because we used a word that Boomers and even some of gen X hurled at each other because a guy was a little bit girly, or a girl refused to grow her hair long, or because men were scared that a man would treat them the way they treated women. (Because queer as an archaic slur, ultimately, comes from misogyny as much as homophobia.)

Let's say you really do mean well and really do know people who were called queers instead of fags, or you really did grow up hearing "that is so queer" to describe things people didn't like, or you really did have "queer" hurled at you by straight people as if there was something wrong with you for not being cis and straight.

(Notice something, there? You probably haven't actually experienced any of that, nor anyone you know. This wank about who I am as a queer person - it's always aimed at us. Never the straights that used it against us. Nobody uses the word queer except queer people any more, I am 99% certain that you don't know ANYBODY who has had it thrown at them AS a slur, so that means that the only people you can target on your crusade are... gender and sexual minorities. Not cis/straight people. Because they're not calling us queers and haven't in decades.

That means you are knowingly targeting minorities over this EXCLUSIVELY, I am completely fucking certain..

... but I'M the homophobe?)

In which case all I can say is: I hope that the well-meaningness that's made you put this hateful thing into my inbox, that's made you say such hateful things to a minority because of their identity (there's a word for treating people differently because they're a minority, especially hostile treatment..), will outshine the hatefulness of what you're saying and lead you to a better way to express your desire to protect people.

If you truly are coming from a misplaced belief that we're somehow deprecating ourselves by being queer, and not a desire to force us out of the closet or to run off any gender or sexual minority, then I apologise for my hostility, acknowledge that learning takes time (and patience that I am unable to give, for I am tired of bad actors pretending they're not and cannot do it), and wish you the best in learning to be inclusive and loving so we can count you one day, at least, as a friend of us queer folk. Maybe one day we'll even welcome you as one of us. I'd love to do that more than I'd like to deal with THIS crap. I can't imagine me going off on you will have helped at all, but from in my experience people who want to protect gender and sexual minorities protect them. They don't target them. That's why I am writing this post under the assumption that you wrote this because you have bad intentions towards me as a queer person, and not out of a well meaning desire to protect anyone you think I've somehow hurt by being me.

In which case? Get fucked.

[clocks-are-round]

🤔 What is the hardest part of writing fic? ✨ Choose three adjectives to complement your own writing. 💭 What is a headcanon you have about your own work?

🤔 What is the hardest part of writing fic?

Writing outside your experience— especially things like race and disability. “But people are people”; yeah and people are also shaped by every facet of their identity and how others respond to those facets. The options are pretty much risk screwing up, or curl up into a little ball and avoid posting anything publicly ever (tempting, very tempting). I’m going with the former and if I fuck up, learning from it in the future. Honestly even mentioning this makes me anxious, but like… systematic racism and ableism are things and pretending they don’t exist won’t change that it influences on even a subconscious level. Hate to be this real in a fun ask meme, but I’m answering honestly. Fic writing feels more low stakes than a novel, or even my Queer Canyon webseries, but still… not trying to be insensitive (except when I am because I’m writing dialogue or POV of one of the many RvB assholes but even then there are lines not to cross). I try to avoid stereotypes but sometimes you don’t realize. For example, single moms are a go-to for me because of my own life experience, but then realizing absent fathers are apparently a common trope for black characters I was like ohhh noooo. I tried to mitigate that by acknowledging Tucker knew he did not have a normal home situation (obviously) by comparing it to his childhood friends’, and avoiding other stereotypes (as far as I’m aware, and I did look up lists of stereotypes). Simmons and Caboose also had shitty dads and both those dads were white so idk if that also helps balance. Oh and Grif’s dad abandoned them canonically but idk his race. As for Tucker’s, I HC it wasn’t intentional abandonment, though I couldn’t find a way to bring that up naturally other than Julie mentioning she didn’t know which guy was Tucker’s father. Julie opted not to inform the guy. Probably would’ve been better to not go through with writing it at all but i wanted to write that particular story so i chose selfishness ig. I also changed directions on my plans for Doc’s parents (Like Tucker I also HC Doc as black); before I came up with Tucker’s mama they were going to be neglectful, continuing (beginning?) the “Doc is always ignored/forgotten” trend. Like Marilla and Matthew’s parents from Anne with an E. Same situation— based on it really. But I don’t want to write almost the same parent story twice so I’m going to go in the complete opposite extreme. You will see what that means when it’s written. I read many posts by the writing-with-color blog regularly (and also check other sources as well when I have specific wonderings), and hope everything I read will stick to my brain permanently but it probably doesn’t. As for disability… I kind of avoid/dance around that topic? I know I’m not super knowledgeable so so far I haven’t really touched on more than mental health stuff like anxiety attacks. I do plan on touching on disability a bit (I mean, it’s the reds and blues for fuck’s sake!) but it’ll definitely be little by little.

TLDR: Ableism and systematic racism have almost certainly imprinted into erybody’s subconscious in some way, and I try not to do that because those are bad things, but there’s probably stuff that gets past me that I don’t realize is bad. Gonna post this before I chicken out because these are BIG topics that make me ANXIOUS but imma say it anyways

Also not really knowing anything about the military outside of what I learned from RvB and RvB fics. And the Marvel movies. And occasionally funny tumblr story time posts. Yeah, I could go research… But unless I have something specific I wanna know I don’t ( ; .w.) If I’m not personally interested in something my eyes just glaze over, so I’m not going to read pages and pages about military life unless I suddenly become interested.

That was an essay and a half. Moving on!

✨ Choose three adjectives to complement your own writing.

uhhhhh

angsty, silly, soul-devouring

does that work?

💭 What is a headcanon you have about your own work?

Fffgssdd wrote like three before I was like— wait, too much lol but i couldn’t decide which of these two to keep so here’s both

Tucker’s mama’s friend Sal is one of the people Tucker went to when looking for an Earth caretaker for Junior. After Julie’s death, Sal wasn’t super big on the party scene. They were never as into it as Julie in the first place anyways. They settled down with someone and raised a couple kids. Later, Junior. Although Junior was a teenager at that point. First half of his childhood was with the Sanghelli, second half on Earth. Then as an adult he could choose for himself wherever he’d like to be. That was the deal Tucker made with the embassy. I just like reusing characters and tying stuff together like that.

Caboose’s memory is pretty spotty a lot of the time (after Omega, Alpha, and Beta went in and had a fucking FIGHT in his fucking HEAD) and that can lead to a lot of confusion obviously. This unfortunately especially applies to his memory of his siblings since he’s not around them as often as the guys. This was touched on a little in Fuzzy Feelings. He doesn’t forget he has siblings, just… what they currently go by, how many there are, whether they’re all girls or not (most of them have called themselves one at one point or another and at one point almost all of them did at once). Sometimes he just remembers a sibling by how he knew them a couple decades ago as kids and that doesn’t always match up with their current name and pronouns since a LOT of them are trans (like half I think? like Caboose probably assumes half of ALL people are trans bc of that). Or their age doesn’t match. He’ll be reminded that a sibling is a parent and sometimes it’s like— does not compute— what? How? But? It’s easier when he’s with them in person but when talking about them he might get mixed up. Or occasionally he’ll be visiting for a holiday and ask why Dad’s not home yet and everyone’s just like “yeah, he’s not coming home anymore”.

[vmficrecs]

Every school has an obligatory psychotic jackass. He’s ours.

It has been one year since The Incident. In celebration of this beautiful, snarky, dynamic, passionate, beloved, smug, asshole, essential, etc., etc., character I have complied a lengthy (but by no means exhaustive) collection of some of my personal favorite fics focusing on Logan, or on his relationships, or fics that i just think do something neat in terms of Logan/his journey/his character. ❤️

Previously on vmficrecs: 

dark_roast, “Fish Out of Water,” Mature, Post Season 1 AU 

Logan opts to leave Neptune, and spend summer vacation with his grandparents.

Notes: This AU is essential reading if you love Logan. His characterization is nearly perfect, and the premise of the fic is endlessly engaging and smart. 

wily_one24, “Sleep, Perchance...,” Mature, Pre-series AU

Logan thaws towards Veronica and sets out to save her.

Notes: I want to eat this fic. If you’ve never read it, read it-- it will linger endlessly inside of your brain in the best way possible. So many of the things Logan does or says in this fic exist in a very tangible and palpable manner for me, it’s that good. I think about it constantly. 

ghostcat, “What We Have in Common,” Teen, Post Season 3 AU 

Weevil Navarro, his incredibly poor choice of a research paper prepping locale and the close talking, finger waving jackass that interrupts and effectively hijacks his night. Set in 2010, three years after The Bitch is Back.

ghostcat, “A Trace of Meaning,” Teen, Pre-series 

13 year-old Logan Echolls and 14 year-old Veronica Mars wait at the Kane Estate for their held-up sleepover hosts to show up. 

theohara, “Rich Dirt,” Mature, Pre-series AU 

And Logan wouldn’t let you have anything. He’d danced over to you and smirked in your face and twirled your plastic cup right out of your hand and cooed that just because your Daddy wasn’t sheriff anymore didn’t give you license to break the law, and he’d acted all shocked with his hand over his mouth and he’d laughed like breaking glass and nanced off with your drink.

anjou, “Into the Blue,” Mature, Post Season 1 

It’s almost summer, and Logan is sinking into the blue.

flyingcarpet, “Mexicali Blues,” Mature, Post Season 3 AU

When he reaches the water he doesn’t hesitate, just keeps walking until he can duck his head under and start to swim away from shore, letting the salt and the waves wash away the residue that Neptune’s left on his skin.

absolutelyiris, “Truth for a Dream,” Teen, Future Fic (Pre-movie)

Fleet Week 2012. A reformed bad boy turned sailor and a former party girl turned career woman meet in a bar…

Notes: A LOGAN AND PARKER FRIENDSHIP FIC!!! pure fucking delight 

absolutelyiris, “Come Around,” Mature, Future AU 

A woman travels the world over in search of what she needs and returns home to find it.

Notes: I will talk about this fic until the day that I day, and then I will still talk about it. One of my absolute favorites. Pure gold Logan/Keith dynamic. I would 10/10 die for Razia. and, of course, the l/v is so damn good 

TheLastGoodGolfish, “The Phenomenal Pixie, #1,” Teen, AU 

Veronica is a masked avenger who stalks the streets of Neptune. Logan is the intrepid reporter who’s on the story.

Notes: PERFECT. PERFECT PERFECT PERFECT. also-- “That’s ridiculous. My favorite person is a sorority girl.” in my head, rent free, and i am forever indebted. 

bryrosea, “Waste of Breath / A Quartz Contentment,” Mature, Post Season 2 to TDTL 

Part one: Logan Echolls, the nine years, and the Navy. Part two: Veronica Mars, the nine years, and a new normal.

Notes: I am recommending specifically “Waste of Breath” for my boy, although Veronica’s piece is excellent as well. 

always_winter, “Written Out,” Teen, Season 2 AU 

Duncan has some residual guilt and Logan wants to be left out of the story.

always_winter, “White Combs and Sweet Honey,” Mature, Season 1

Even when Aaron is trying to be a good father, there’s still a lot he’s doing wrong.

Notes: This fic is so tender to me!!! A beautiful Logan and Aaron piece. 

sadiekate, “Grand Canyon,” PG-13, Season 1 to Future AU 

Three friends reminisce several years in the future, snarkily and pointlessly.

sinaddict, “Necrosis,” Explicit, Season 2 AU 

Death in bits and pieces, denial as a religion… Or ‘normal’ in Neptune.

sowell, “Surviving the Wreck,” Explicit, Season 3 AU 

Nothing’s ever simple with Veronica Mars. Weevil’s day at sea gets a little complicated.

Notes: THIS FUCKING FIC!!!! i love everything about it and especially at this moment in time, the part where logan gives weevil a blow job but weevil notes that somehow, in spite of this, logan retains the upper hand. this fic is world class and i am grateful everyday for it 

theohara, “Broken Toys,” NC-17, Pre series AU 

One glance across a street saves Lilly Kane’s life. It changes everything; it changes nothing.

Notes: This is the most heartbreaking Veronica Mars’ fanfic ever. I have such a deep love for it. It takes Lilly’s character and Logan/Veronica’s relationship to places I don’t ever think they would go and yet it works in this and it works so damn well. a truly devastating and beautiful au 

fluffernutter8, “The Ninety Nine Percent,” Teen, Post Season 3 AU 

Junior year of college, Logan gets some news that proves that no matter how hard he tries, life is just going to keep throwing him curve-balls. Post season 3, non movie canon compliant.

youcallitwinter, “gravity is gonna keep you tied down to this city,” Teen, Post Season 3 to TDTL 

[your life in extended parenthesis] the lone neon nights and the ache of the ocean, and the fire that was starting to spark. From the love to the lightning and the lack of it. 

Notes: please don't fall out of love with me, okay? don’t you dare give up on me. I DIE EVERY FUCKING TIME youcallitwinter is a force with all of her writings, but this one.......my god every single bit about it is fucking flawless 

petpluto, “Of Scars & Consequences,” Teen, Post-series AU 

Almost a decade in the future, Logan's still a little messed up. And Veronica's still a little closed off. They make it work.

julietbravo, “one brutal thing after another,” Teen, Pre-series to Season 1 

These rich boys think they can get away with anything, don’t they.

querulousgawks, “there should be stars for great wars like ours,” Teen, AU 

It’s gotta be some Alliance mind game, a holdover, the Operative’s last trick: Logan’s old secrets manifesting everywhere around them. Where are you, how are you doing this, he wants to scream, but he doesn’t know which ghost he’d be railing at.

SilverLining2k6, “Sometimes (You Can’t Make It On Your Own),” Teen, Season 1 AU 

Silly Duncan stopped taking his meds. Now, one dead Fitzpatrick later, Logan and Veronica need to get him out of town. Too bad they hate each other.

SilverLining2k6, “Control,” Teen, Pre-series AU 

Don’t you mess with a little girl’s dreams. ‘Cause she’s liable to grow up mean. Pre-series. Oneshot. - A twisted little tale of hate and revenge.

Notes: CONTROL!!!!! I love Control so much, it’s one of the first fics I ever read for the fandom and one of the finest. The Logan that exists in this is sooo good and his relationship with Veronica is deeply flawed & wonderful. M is in the process of writing a remix to Control (more in-depth emotion) and I for one am foaming at the fucking mouth every day about it. 

nevertothethird, “Reunions,” Teen, Post Series AU 

Sometimes it just takes a little longer to get things right. Two high school reunions and a birthday party should do the trick.

youcallitwinter, “you give love a bad name,” Teen, Season 2 AU 

“Hey, did you guys know there was a sensitive poet-type hiding behind this hard exoskeleton of expensive alcohol and bitter cynicism?” In which Logan Echolls is, well, Logan Echolls.

scandalpants, “Something to Remember,” Mature, Post Series AU 

Facing a separation, Logan and Veronica spend their last night together exchanging gifts.

Notes: I am always in a goddamn state about this fic. Logan jacking off in front of Veronica at her request? Yes, thank you please. thank you so much 

leurocrystal, “Take Your Time,” Teen, Post Season 2 

Keith doesn’t know how to look at or touch his daughter for the first time in his life.

petpluto, “We Are Nowhere, And It’s Now,” Mature, Series AU 

“You know there is another way of looking at this, Logan. If you’d still been together, you might be dead too." Logan and Lilly both die on October 3rd. But for Veronica, it’s not like they’re gone. And she still works to solve their murders.

absolutelyiris, “Delay,” Teen, Post TTDL

Logan reflects on his first Christmas with Veronica after a ten year separation, as well as how his life has changed with her absence.

New to vmficrecs: 

Christmas in Arkham Author: dark_roast Pairing: Logan Rating: Teen Genre: Hurt/Comfort, A Really Good Hug  Setting: Season 2 Spoilers: 2.09, “My Mother, the Fiend” Chapters: 1 Word Count: 10128 Status: Complete Summary: Sequel to Fish Out of Water. Logan spends christmas with his grandparents.  Notes: This is, full stop, my favorite Veronica Mars fanfiction ever. I am so protective of this fic that part of me doesn’t even want to give it a formal place on the blog, which is ridiculous because I’m sure plenty of people have already read it and obviously it’s so good that I want people to read it but....this belongs to me, somehow, like I feel like it’s mine that’s how much I love it. ANYWAY possessiveness aside-- Every word, every sentence, every punctuation mark in this fic is perfect, devastating insight into Logan’s character. Absolutely beautiful and wonderful and every other good thing. 

The Teeth by the Shoulder Author: ghostcat Pairing: Fab Four, Logan/Lilly, Veronica/Duncan  Rating: Teen Genre: Friendship, Angst  Setting: Pre-series Spoilers: 1.01, “Pilot”  Chapters: 3 Word Count: 17273 Status: Complete Summary: Two couples, two friendships. The Fab Four in three Octobers. Notes: WE’VE NEVER FUCKING RECOMMENDED THE TEETH BY THE SHOULDER BEFORE?????? HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE OH MY GOD jesus this is one of the greatest fanfictions ever written. three pre-series explorations into the fab four friendship and it is impossibly good. i am especially in love with the logan/lilly in this fic (the first chapter!!!!) and as always special care is given to exploring the logan + veronica dynamic. the third chapter will break your fucking heart so bad in the best way 

Seven Times Logan Echolls Went to Jail Author: sowell Pairing: Logan/Veronica, Veronica/Piz  Rating: Teen Genre: Angst, Romance, Logan Echolls is a Little Shit   Setting: (Post) Season 3 AU  Spoilers: 3.12, “There’s Got to Be a Morning After Pill” and 3.16, “Un-American Graffiti”  Chapters: 1 Word Count: 6701 Status: Complete Summary: Who thinks Logan behind bars is sexy? I do, I do! // Logan goes to jail and calls Veronica to bail him out. Again and again and again and again.  Notes: WE HAVEN’T DONE THIS BEFORE EITHER???? oh my god!! I remember finding this one a few months before the movie came out and i would just lay in bed in the dark and re-read it endlessly. and then i left it alone for a few years and when i went back to it holy shit it undid me all over again. perfect logan and veronica relationship. p e r f e c t!!! i firmly believe this is exactly what shape their relationship would’ve taken if veronica hadn’t cut and run 

Love is Just a Four-letter Word Author: bigboobedcanuck Pairing: Logan/Veronica, Keith, Weevil  Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort Setting: Future AU  Spoilers: 1.12, “Clash of the Tritons”  Chapters: 1 Word Count: 1753 Status: Complete Summary: Set a few years down the road from high school. Logan hits rock bottom. Keith and Veronica help him back up. Notes: Lynn’s body turns up and it is fucking DEVASTATING. A short piece that’s told from Keith’s POV (anyone who knows me knows how much of a sucker I am for Keith + Logan interaction) and holy hell Logan is so good in it and I think about it all the fucking time 

Serendipity  Author: TheLastGoodGoldfish  Pairing: Logan/Veronica, Veronica/Piz, Carrie, Gia, Stu Cobbler, Ensemble Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Detective-ing  Setting: Post Season 3  Spoilers: 3.20, “The Bitch is Back” and The Movie  Chapters: 4 (out of a planned 6, fingers crossed!!!) Word Count: 59763 Status: Complete Summary: During her sophomore year at Hearst, Veronica takes on your run-of-the-mill blackmail case: the clients hate her, the evidence is impossible to destroy, and her ex turns out to be a bit of a distraction, but Veronica is a sucker for a damsel-in-distress. Even if the damsel is an intoxicated, pissed off Carrie Bishop. Notes: I AM HIGH PITCHED SCREAMING. Transplanting the movie plot to this timeframe works tremendously and TLGG’s execution is fucking perfect. Carrie is a powerhouse in this fic and god, Logan is such a honey it in which is why it is being recc’d for him. Him practically letting Carrie move in with him and doing his damnedest to protect Carrie and Gia (much to Veronica’s chagrin) is so, so important to me and I love him so much. 

The Phenomenal Pixie - Interlude #1 - “Bugs”  Author: TheLastGoodGoldfish Pairing: Logan/Veronica, OC’s  Genre: Humor, Fluff, Logan and Veronica Are Smarter Than You  Setting: AU (Season 3)  Spoilers: uhhh n/a Chapters: 1 Word Count: 5072 Status: Complete Summary: Dating a superhero poses a unique set of challenges. Notes: Tiny sequel to The Phenomenal Pixie which you absolutely must read first (and is recommended above) because it’s a fucking delight. Logan is incredible in this fic and I would die for him, like always. The part where Steve can sense Logan is thinking about punching him in the face-- a million chefs kisses. 

The Medusa Jewel  Author: TheLastGoodGoldfish Pairing: Logan/Veronica  Genre: Established Relationship Bliss, Fluff  Setting: MKAT Spoilers: MKAT  Chapters: 1 Word Count: 5336 Status: Complete Summary: Logan and Veronica's new neighbor is a writer. Notes: is my TLGG obsession shining through? good because it fucking should be. The Logan/Veronica in this relationship is so sweet and perfect and is 100% my reality and i would like to bathe in this fic and live in it forever as is my right.

Drowning Together Author: bryrosea Pairing: Logan/Veronica Genre: Romance, Hurt/Comfort Setting: Season 3 Spoilers: 3.07, “Of Vice and Men” Chapters: 1 Word Count: 897 Status: Complete Summary: AU of the confrontation scene from 3x07: Of Vice and Men (Logan and Veronica both need a hug) Notes: Absolute wonderful insight and even some reconciliation into a canonical season three fight. Logan calming down while Veronica falls apart as they hug is so important to me. 

Interrupt Us  Author: bryrosea Pairing: Logan/Veronica Genre: Romance,  Hijinks, They Want To Fuck So Bad  Setting: Post TDTL Spoilers: through TDTL  Chapters: 1 Word Count: 17223 Status: Complete Summary: Logan Echolls is home from deployment. Time to cue the sweeping movie montage, right? Notes: Logan and Veronica try to have sex everywhere and it is my life force. The car scene when they get pulled over and Logan instinctively hiding under Veronica’s desk....god i love everyone in this bar

Ready to Go Author: Amberina Pairing: Logan/Duncan; Veronica  Genre: Friendship, Romance, Angst Setting: Post Season 1  Spoilers: not obvious but 1.22, “Leave it to Beaver”  Chapters: 1 Word Count: 6346 Status: Complete Summary: "Let's leave. Let's go. What's left in Neptune for us anyway?" (AKA Duncan, Logan and Veronica have wacky adventures on the road! Also angst.) Notes: Logan getting hissy and storming off from the car while Duncan and Veronica just watch him and then calling a taxi once he’s out of their sight is PEAK logan. I love boyfriends, even if they’re angst-ing in this, and they big time are. 

Nashville On My Mind Author: hjcallipygian Pairing: Logan, Veronica, Duncan Genre: Friendship, Hijinks  Setting: Post Season 1 AU Spoilers: 1.22, “Leave it to Beaver” Chapters: 1 Word Count: 1659 Status: Complete Summary: Every year, they take a road trip together. This year, it's to Nashville, Tennessee. Notes: i just spent forty minutes trying to find this fic to the point where i was genuinely concerned i had hallucinated it. it’s so fucking good. a sequel/prequel of sorts to grand canyon by sadiekate (recc’d in the previously section). logan is a mess and by god do i love him 

Six Times Logan Echolls Got Wet Author: bryrosea, CarolineShea, ghostcat, kmd0107, marshmallowtasha, SilverLining2k6 Pairing: Logan/Veronica Rating: Teen Genre: Romance, Friendship, Hijinks Setting: Everywhere Spoilers: All series to MKAT  Chapters: 6 Word Count: 11568 Status: Complete Summary: aka: The Wet Henley ChroniclesSix stories in which we probably give Logan Echolls pneumonia, inspired by the movie's infamous wet henley. Set variously across the series and post-MKAT. Notes: each chapter is written by a different author, they’re all good but bryrosea’s chapter and silvery’s chapter are my favorites. set during the summer between season 1 & 2 and post season three respectively they do such a great job dealing with the fractious and tumultuous nature of Logan/Veronica’s relationship at the time and i love it so much

A Little Dysfunctionality Goes A Long Way  Author: fluffernutter8 Pairing: Logan/Veronica Rating: Teen Genre: ANGST with a side of fucking ANGST, happy ending but jesus   Setting: Post Season 3 AU  Spoilers: 1.22, “Leave it to Beaver”  Chapters: 1 Word Count: 2878 Status: Complete Summary: Despite their history, Logan and Veronica might be somewhere on the brink of normal. A few years post season 3. Notes: i just read this for the first time 07/13/20 at 9:08pm because when i asked shelby for her favorite logan fics she included this one. i am fucking dead now and-- there’s nothing else to say about it. i’m just fucking dead. for YEARS i have said that nobody with the username fluffernutter8 should be able to write shit this goddamn emotional and yet, time and time again, i find myself here fuckign wrecked and furious about it 

these are just ghosts that broke my heart before i met you Author: theviolonist  Pairing: Logan, Veronica, Carrie, Dick  Rating: Teen Genre: Introspection, Angst, I Love Logan   Setting: Pre Movie & Movie  Spoilers: Movie  Chapters: 1 Word Count: 1326 Status: Complete Summary: In the army they say, don't think of the target as a person, otherwise you won't have the guts to pull the trigger. Notes: fuck, you guys. this one is so beautiful. an exploration into logan’s grief and him trying to move on and it cuts like a damn knife because he can never really do it but fuck he wants to so bad and [lucas scott voice] that’s gotta mean something, right? truly so so wonderful 

Fugue Author: vaeran Pairing: Logan/Veronica, Logan/Lilly, Dick  Rating: Teen Genre: Angst, hopeful ending  Setting: Post Season 1 Spoilers: 1.22, “Leave it to Beaver”  Chapters: 1 Word Count: 4137 Status: Complete Summary: It's something he refuses to let go because it defines who he is and what he has become. Notes: deviates from the PCHer confrontation on the bridge, which means logan takes a little longer to come around to reconciliation with veronica. it’s perfect and i particularly love the logan/lilly in this, he’s hurt but still so impossibly and eternally in love with her 

One Flew Over the Echolls Nest Author:��Wynn Pairing: Logan/Veronica, Duncan Rating: Teen Genre: Angst, Friendship Setting: Post Season 1 AU  Spoilers: 1.22, “Leave it to Beaver” Chapters: 1 Word Count: 1507 Status: Complete Summary: Open wide and see what's inside. A bridge and a bed and Veronica. Logan finds himself in a mental institution after the events of "Leave it to Beaver." Veronica, Duncan, and Logan's psychiatrist attempt to help. Notes: so sad and so good!!! the part where Logan’s psychiatrist asks him when the last time he was happy was fucking wrecks me everytime!! 

Free at last  Author: querulousgawks Pairing: Logan, Weevil, Aaron Rating: Teen Genre: Frenemies, They Are Boyfriends Setting: Season 2 Spoilers: 2.09, “My Mother, the Fiend”  Chapters: 1 Word Count: 1242 Status: Complete Summary: Logan and Weevil and fire go a long way back. A flashback scene interrupts their Season 2 meeting in the Neptune Grand. Notes: I LOVE EVERY SINGLE THING ABOUT THIS SO GOD DAMN MUCH 

The Right Shade of Red Author: ghostcat Pairing: Trina, Logan, Aaron  Rating: Teen Genre: ANGST Setting: Pre-series Spoilers: 1.15, “Ruskie Business”  Chapters: 1 Word Count: 883 Status: Complete Summary: Trina finds her jerky little brother hiding in her closet and does the unexpected thing. (Or, A time Logan trusted Trina) Notes: If you want 883 words to be able to make you feel like you’ve been hit by a truck this is the fic for you! I love the Echolls family dynamics so much, and this one is excellent. 

[dreadnought-dear-captain]

A few comments on the ending of Baghdad Waltz (and story craft in general, I guess)

Perhaps it goes without saying, but SPOILERS ahead. I’ll be posting answers to asks on BW later today as well. 

A few readers, some of them very faithful long-haul readers, are understandably upset that BW did not end the way that I originally predicted - and intended - that it would.

In an Ao3 comment thread on the subject of my previously advertising a happy ending for BW (i.e., an ending where the characters end up together), an anon on Ao3 recently posted this:

First of all, if I had that kind of super long game strategic foresight to cook up and nurture this kind of devious bait-and-switch plan over the course of several years, I would have used that power for good to have every scene and every convolution of character fully developed from the very start. And although this slow burn “bait-and-switch” hypothesis is a perversely flattering one, I’m really not that clever. Or that mean-spirited. I came into this story with an idea of where I wanted it to go and sprinted off the starting blocks with it. This is most certainly “shame on me,” in hindsight, and a product of under-developed skill in story planning and character construction.

I’m not a professional writer by any stretch of imagination. This is a hobby (albeit an obsessive one) that I am constantly working to improve my abilities in. I started writing fanfic because I figured Ao3 is a pretty safe (??) place to do this, since people post works of fiction with wide ranging degrees of skill in an immense marketplace of readers. But I have zero formal training in fiction writing. I grudgingly took my two mandatory English classes in college and then fucked off to do other things I enjoyed more. So that means that I’ve had to learn fiction writing through trial and error in real time. BW is the second work of fiction I’ve written in my adult life (and I am not particularly young, at the moment). And so part of writing this has been learning about outlining and plotting and character development and yes, endings. Not learning to write the best “gotcha” ending but the best ending for the story that’s been written.

Upon deep reflection, I think my greatest fault here was one of skill, not a deficit in character as a human being. When I started planning this story in 2016, I did not have a well-evolved ability to develop my characters to the level that would later be required, nor to predict and plan for every twist of the plot based on the psychological, historical, and behavioral composition of these characters. My first fic, which was also my first novel-length work of fiction ever, went quite smoothly and almost entirely as originally planned, perhaps because it was canon-compliant/adjacent versus being a free-standing AU with no rules or bounds.

So, on one hand, I really am sorry for just not having the necessary skills at the time to wrangle a story of this magnitude from the start (not that I had any sense at all that it would grow to this magnitude). But also... this is just part of the process of learning how to write. In addition, I was simultaneously learning how to navigate the sometimes treacherous culture of fandom, which I was not expecting to be the challenge that it has been. Thus, I didn’t have the foresight to be protective of the possibility that my originally intended ending could change, resulting in assurances to readers in a good faith effort to assuage anxiety about the ultimate course of the story. (It’s also a notable failure of imagination on my part to not potentially envision an ending that breaks from a traditional Stucky “End of the Line” mould.)

On a similar note, when I say that I love and care about my readers, this is not lip service. It is sincerity. I have engaged in this entire endeavor with honest intentions every step of the way. I’m not a devious mastermind who orchestrates the emotional disruption of my readers for fun, particularly not through acts of deceit. I think I’m capable of creating emotionally powerful work without resorting to trickery. 

But I also approach my characters with the same sincerity and intent to do right by them, using a steadfast dedication to realism as my guide. This lead to a frankly horrible realization that the ending I first planned and wanted so badly for them was just not going to be plausible, given who they became and how this relationship evolved. If you’re not a writer, especially not a writer of the extreme long form WIP, maybe it’s difficult to appreciate how characters can take on a life of their own in their psychological construction and development, but this has been exactly my experience. That’s why, for a very long time, I had no idea that this particular ending would be where the story would ultimately go, despite my most sincere efforts at planning with the capabilities I had in each moment.

My compromise for these archival comments mentioning a traditional Stucky happy ending has been to add a note at the beginning warnings of BW to not invest too strongly in plot-related comments, since going back through 3,200+ comments (plus blog posts) and editing them is not only impossible (I actually cannot edit some of my old Ao3 comments, for some reason) but would also require erasing reader comments and entire conversations with people. This doesn’t feel right to me. And I’m not going to add spoiler ending tags. I personally won’t read a fic if the ending is tagged, because I don’t want to be spoiled, and I want to preserve this for other readers in the future.

I am opting to trust from here forward that my comprehensive first chapter warnings about intense realism in all respects (including relational) will be broad enough to cover the potential for this ending, which is also amply foreshadowed as a possibility within the text itself. If future readers specifically want a HEA in their stories, I trust them to seek out the countless fics like this within the “HEA” or “___ with a happy ending” tags on Ao3. 

EDIT: I’ve added the tag “Bittersweet ending,” in addition to creating some more expectation-adjusting language to my chapter one warnings about the story. I think this is a decent compromise to spoiling the ending specifically with something like a “breakup” tag.

So for those of you I hurt by not having a greater grasp of writing craft, I truly am sorry. My intention was never for one moment to be deceptive. I have taken these lessons to heart in the planning of my next story, which has almost every single scene already plotted until the very end. In fact, I’ve written backwards from the ending to ensure a smoother course. I have also done a tremendous amount of work on character development at the outset in an effort not have my characters run away from me and drag the story with them in unplanned ways.

Unfortunately, I can’t change what has already happened; I can only do my best to ensure that it doesn’t happen again. To those of you who have forgiven my immaturity as a writer and accepted where this living, breathing WIP ultimately ended up, I’m extremely grateful for your flexibility.

[thedenimdentist]

Flame Panda: worth the hype?

Introduction

For those of you who are pretty invested in handmade, hand welted, MTM boots, Flame Panda needs no introduction. In fact, if you aren’t already familiar with this small boot making family out of a small village in China, then maybe you aren’t actually the boot enthusiast you believe yourself to be. lol just kidding. But really, for anyone interested in high quality, beautifully built boots, Flame Panda is a brand worth looking into. Their main source of advertising and business is through their instagram @flamepanda11, which is run by their Peng. They're still a relatively small family owned business, but they’re following is growing exponentially (and for good reason). 

I would go more into the background of their business and what they have to offer, but nothing I could write would compare to the information covered by Jake @almostvintagestyle on his blog: his review of his beautiful chunky monkey boots and an interview with Peng himself. So, if you’d like more background information on what Peng and Flame Panda have to offer, head over to his blog. Otherwise, on with the unboxing/review!

Ordering Process

As with most boot brands out of Asia lately, Flame Panda boots can be ordered via DM through his Instagram @flamepanda11. Unfortunately, there is no website or catalog listing all the patterns, leathers, or customization options he has available. Luckily Peng is very helpful and open to discussion regarding your MTO boots. He takes an active role in creating you the best boots possible, giving constructive input and suggestions rather than just mindlessly giving you whatever you ask for. Peng knows his materials and abilities best, and has a solid grasp on how to combine the two to create a quality product that meets both yours and his satisfaction.

The following are the exact details I requested regarding these black boots:

Model: 6 inch boots

Last: 181 last

Upper leather: black Maryam horsebutt

Upper stitching: black

Hardware: 5 copper eyelets, 2 quick hooks, 1 eyelet

Toe design: brogued cap toe, unstructured

Welt construction: 270° 2 row stitchdown (beige)

Lining: kangaroo

Midsole: single leather midsole

Edge finish: natural edge

Sole: black Dr. Sole half sole/heel

Heel design: incline curved

Sizing

For those of you who haven’t read my reviews before, my feet are stricken with large bunions on the pinky sides of my feet. As a result, picking shoe sizes have always been extremely difficult. (See my previous reviews for details). Below I’ve listed my sizes for all the other boot brands I own.

Thursdays - 10.5

Onderhoud - 45E

Benzein - 45E

Red Wing, Iron Ranger - 9.5EE

Truman Boot Company - 11EE

Viberg (1035 last) - 10.5

In trying to determine what size I would be in his boots, I sent Peng all the following images/information:

As many helpful measurements I could think, with images of how I took those measurements.

I also informed him that I wear this thick, memory foam orthotic in all my footwear.

And lastly, I provided him with a photo and the dimensions of the removable insole of another pair of boots that fit perfectly (in this case, my Onderhoud derbies). I also took photo of how my orthotic relates to these insoles, as well as a photo with my ugly foot. (TMI? Possibly. But I’d rather provide too much information than not enough, and it definitely paid off.)

Now that I think about it, I don't even know what size Peng ended up making for me. Regardless, these boots ended up fitting perfectly. This goes to show that Peng really knows what he’s doing, and can size you appropriately if given enough information. 

Price & Shipping

For this particular boot in black Maryam horsebutt, Peng charged $685 USD including global shipping. I purchased these boots on 6/29/2020, and was quoted an unusually specific 95 day wait time. However, I didn't end up receiving these until 12/29/2020. While this is significantly longer than expected, Peng kept me up to date in his progress via Instagram DMs, so I never felt forgotten. (He told me that he and his family were moving locations during this time and production was running behind schedule. I didn’t mind, as I COVID was keeping me home majority of the time and didn’t have any reason to wear these boots anyway.) These days, I believe his wait time is closer to six months (which still really isn’t too bad for MTM boots).

Unboxing

Securely packaged, with tape as no object.

A box inside a box. A nice touch, actually. A lot of other boot companies simply ship the single boot box wrapped in butcher paper and tape, which often results in some minor box damage. In this case, the outer protective box took all the beating during transit, leaving the actual boot box in pristine condition. While this doesn’t have any affect on the quality of the boots themselves, it’s a good demonstration of the care and thought that Peng puts into all aspects of his products. He really holds himself to a higher standard, and I appreciate it.

Another reason to love Peng. He typically includes a small gift with every boot order! In this case, this nice little wallet. 

In addition to the complementary thinner, cheaper single boot bags that most boot companies provide, Peng also included a larger canvas drawstring boot bag with a screen printed logo.

These boots came with three sets of laces. They were pre-laced with some standard width, flat, waxed cotton laces. Included in the box were two additional sets of laces: a pair of wider flat waxed cotton laces, and some round waxed cotton laces. 

360 Degree View

Left boot:

Right boot:

Sole:

The Leather

The black Maryam horsebutt Peng used on these boots is absolutely gorgeous. The leather feels very substantial and hefty, and has a very nice sheen. The horsebutt also has a very subtle marbling and grain that shines through from certain angles. It’s a little difficult to capture in photos due to the deep black coloring of the leather, but you can take my word for it. These are incredible.

From what I’ve seen, I believe Peng is one of the best in the business when it comes to hide selection and clicking. He is extremely picky when determining what portions of each hide he actually uses on his boots. For instance, here is an example of him picking apart a hide, circling all the imperfections that he plans on excluding during clicking for boots.

This critical eye for detail increases Peng’s overhead considerably, as a significant portion of his leather is filtered out as unusable and unfit for boots. While this does increase the cost of his boots relative to other smaller boot brands coming out of Asia, it is also a big reason why the leather on his boots consistently break in and age so well. I have yet to see a pair of Flame Panda boots that have any unsightly creasing or loose grain, and I’m sure my pair will be no exception.

The 181 Last

Here’s a closer look at the tope shape of the 181 last. It’s got a nice almond toe shape without going overboard with pointy-ness. The outer sweep of the toe box has a more gradual, soft curve than the Onderhoud last, and even more so the Benzein Kujang last. It’s a clean and strong shape, with more of a sophisticated vibe than your typical work boot.

Outsole

Nice and clean outsole stitching by hand, with no overly wonky stitches.

The Liner

I chose to have this pair fully lined with a warm brown kangaroo leather. This makes the upper feel even more robust and structured (especially noticeable around the ankle/shaft of the boot), and gives them a bit more of a luxurious feel when on foot. (Also, note the half gusseted tongue. I highly prefer gusseted tongues over the standard floppy tongue. I specified during my order that I wanted a gusseted tongue, so I’m not 100% sure this tongue would come standard. Might be worth asking when/if you do order a pair for yourself.)

The Brogued Cap Toe

This is my first boot with a brogued cap toe. While I still think I prefer plain toes on my boots, I do like how this brogued cap looks here.

270 Degree Stitchdown Construction

Peng is probably most known for his 360° storm + embedded eversion welt. However, it is on the chunkier side, and I felt it would take away from the clean, sleeker look of this boot. Thus, I opted for double row stitchdown construction, which I think turned out quite nicely.

Peng’s welt stitching is very tight, parallel, and uniform, with a higher stitch count. Esthetically, I think it looks pretty similar to the 270° veldschoen stitching on my derbies from @renavgoodsco (seen at the 12 o’clock position below).

12 o’clock: Renav 270° veldschoen

2 o’clock: Truman 270° stitchdown

4 o’clock: Ostmo boots 270° custom welt stitching

6 o’clock: Benzein 270° veldschoen

8 o’clock: Role Club 270° flat welt

10 o’clock: Onderhoud 270° veldschoen

Inclined Curved Heel

If you haven’t been able to tell already, these are not the inclined curved heels (aka woodsman heels) that I had initially requested. While this is a pretty significant misstep on Peng’s end, I actually don’t mind too much. For low block heels, these appear to have been executed very cleanly, and it does complement the rest of the boot pattern quite nicely. If I had been dead set on having woodsman heels on these boots, I could see this being more of a dealbreaker. 

Upper Stitching

Overall, the stitching on the upper is clean and tight, with a very uniform stitch count. There are a few spots where there are a few mis-stitches, which I will point out later. For now, here are a few macro shots to appreciate Peng’s stitch work.

One area on the upper where the stitching isn’t exactly perfect is along the left cap toe. As you can see below, there is one spot in the broguing pattern where it gets a little too close to the double row of stitches, and the thread actually tore into the brogue hole. Functional issue? No. But just something small I noticed.

A second spot that might be considered less than perfect is this stitching on the right boot, where the quarters meet the vamp. It looks like there may be an extra stitch in the vertical line extending beyond the horizontal stitch. This is seen on both the inside and outside quarters, and only on the right boot. (I included a pic of the stitching on the left boot a few photos back, where you can see the stitch lines come to a perfect T.) Again, this is being extremely nit-picky, and has no real bearing on the durability or quality of the boot itself.

A third and possibly the (relatively) biggest stitching imperfection was this loose thread on the front corner of the inside right quarter. It appears as though the end of the thread came out of the stitch hole. I later trimmed the loose thread and singed it with a lighter to prevent it from progressing, but there is still an empty stitch hole in the leather where the thread once was.

While we’re on the topic of imperfections, there is also a little bit of what appears to be black polish smeared along the brown welt of the right boot. Not a big issue, nor is it even a stitching or construction issue. Again, just thought I’d point it out to be thorough.

On Foot

First off, I would just like to praise Peng for absolutely nailing the fit of these boots. My feet are ugly and stupid, and sizing any footwear has always been a nightmare. However, using just the measurements and information I provided above (since getting measured in person was not an option), he still managed to build a perfectly fitting boot for my imperfectly shaped feet. I’ve worn them a few times now, and I’ve had zero pain whatsoever.

That being said, these boots are by far some of the stiffest boots I’ve ever worn—in a good way. I can tell these will require a good amount of wear to really break them in and have them relax and shape to my foot, but I’m looking forward to it. (Note, I’m in no way saying that this extended break in period will be at all painful; rather, just that it’ll take some time for the upper leather and sole to soften up.) These boots feel like tanks, and lacing these up make my feet feel invincible. I felt like Steph Curry wearing double ankle braces when I first tried walking in these, but the shafts are slowly starting to break in and roll with wear. The soles were also initially very rigid (like I was walking on planks of wood), but are beginning to flex more as I continue to wear these. Also note that I had these built on single leather midsoles! I can’t even imagine how stiff these would be if they had 1.5 or double layer midsoles (which are a quite popular request, from what I’ve seen on Peng’s Instagram).

Conclusions

I know it’s still early, but I can confidently say that these Flame Panda boots are one of the highest quality boots in my collection. They are definitely the most robust, and despite a few minor finishing issues, the level of cleanliness and finishing by Peng and his family is unmatched by the majority of boot makers worldwide (at least from what I’ve seen on Instagram). Other than maybe Goto-San of White Kloud (@show_goto), Peng is one of the best at not only sourcing beautiful leathers, but clicking as well. I have yet to see a pair of his boots with any unsightly creasing or grain, which gives me the confidence to recommend him to anyone who may be interested in purchasing a pair of these, or any of his other boot patterns. 

I apologize if this has started to sound like a sponsored or endorsed advertisement, but I genuinely love these boots, and I believe Peng is a great dude who deserves the recognition he has been receiving lately. He is super generous and genuine, easy to talk to (albeit sometimes slow to respond, with the sheer volume of DMs he now receives), and is constantly striving to improve his materials and skills. And with a personality and passion like that, how could anyone not want to support him? These may have been my first pair of Flame Pandas, but they definitely aren't the last. (In fact, they’re already not. lol)

Anyway, hit me up via Instagram if you have any questions about Peng, Flame Panda, or anything else denim/boots related. Also, follow along over there to see how these stunning black Maryam horsebutt boots age with wear. I’m excited to see how they break in, and so should you. Ttfn!

[prodigiousvisions]

Headcanon/Divergence? [1] (Yosano): Childhood, The Great War, and life after the war.

Initial disclaimer and semi-related note(s)–

So if part of this looks familiar to you, that’s probably because you read it before in its original, rudimentary state. I have quite a few regrets of impulsively deleting my Yosano blog (vivificamortem) tbh due to having an episode, and one of them was not saving the original post of this when I first wrote it. That being said I still think it’s important enough to warrant a rewrite even if I don’t exactly recall the specifics. As this eventually becomes very Fukuzawa and Ranpo orientated/centric, I just want to make it clear this will not apply to your respective muses of these two unless we discuss it. These are considered backstory supplements and characterizations of Yosano and Yosano’s main verse. She does not have mains for Ranpo or Fukuzawa at this time, and I usually... don’t do mains? But for specifics like this, this would probably apply to potential, future mains and warrant mains of these two. If that makes sense. Anyway. This will also include a bunch of new HC details I didn’t have before.

I was going to be mean and not put this under a cut lol but I’ll be merciful since it is extremely thorough and lengthy. 2,300+ words lengthy, and that’s not including this disclaimer. I know I asked people to read this once finished but realistically I cannot ask that in good conscious unless you are genuinely interested/care and actually are into BSD lol. Fleshed out details+conceptualized explanations/characterization below. Content/mention warnings for suicide ideation + attempts, and neglect.

CHILDHOOD

Yosano was an only child. She was not a beloved child, a planned child, nor a wanted child. Her parents would have been inclined to give her away instantly had they not compromised to raise her as a sort of... ‘help’ for the couple’s wagashi shop. It was a regret far before the first sleepless night when she was a baby, but they decided to grin and bear it. Raising Yosano was an arduous task and they made it very clear in how they behaved toward her as she was growing up. Saying that she was simply neglected wouldn’t even begin to describe it. In response to this, as a young girl Yosano developed a loud, brash personality that would more often than not get her in trouble both at school and with her parents. Being punished was never fun, but at least it garnered their attention for a little while before they went back to essentially ignoring her presence. Her adapted personality would not lead to any fruition for her lonely soul at school either, most kids finding her annoying, scary, or would simply view her in scorn for being so outspoken and strange. She began to believe the outlook of her parents: her only use was to be a shopkeep of the family business. The girl debated with herself often what was the worth of life, what was the point to live, if not to live and be frowned down upon at every other moment. Troubled and depressed, Yosano tries her hardest to cope, keeping her chin up but her eyes glued to the floor when in seclusion.

At some point or another Yosano and her parents find out about her ability and the extent of it all. It freaks Yosano out at the start, thinking about how ridiculous it is that someone who contemplated on a daily basis what they truly benefited out of being alive could potentially alter the fate of someone’s life and grant them a second chance. Then for once, she finds worth in herself. It wasn’t something she could actively go and show off of course, but it gave her a purpose. Her dramatized exterior of self-entitlement and loudmouthedness proceeds on of course, but her outlook begins to shift. She has hope. She can do something good for people. And have a (figurative) place doing so. 

This new purpose was an open door opportunity not only for Yosano, but her parents as well. At the first opportunity to do so as they are tired of taking care of this child, they’re quick to send her off, knowing how valuable that ability and its potential was. In this case, it was the military (either catching wind of her ability or deciding to now call on her due to the necessary role in their war strategy) demanding for Yosano to take part personally. It was a ridiculously easy feat to get their permission to send her away. She was technically no longer their responsibility while she was away. Hell, they hoped she would never come back.

She wouldn’t. And that was that. That was the last time she ever saw and would be in contact with her parents.

THE GREAT WAR

It’s worth reminding everyone that Yosano was a child, and the gravity of her new circumstances didn’t quite dawn on her before it was too late. At the start, she was excited to show that she could have worth and be surrounded by people that would appreciate her for what she did. It would be the first time in all of her life that would happen. And it is for these very reasons that she has such strong, genuine, sincere reactions during the chapters/times she is midst the war. While maintaining her semi huffy and self-imposed air, she was also able to allow it to falter a little because for once, she didn’t need to resort to that to be paid attention to. In their initial praise, it did freak her out at first, the foreignness being so strange to her. But she appreciated it, she truly did. (Note: this obviously doesn’t apply to Mori lol.) The unnamed soldier that Yosano interacts with at this time especially strikes a chord with her. His kindness makes her think that maybe if she was fortunate enough, she would have liked to have someone like that as a brother. Maybe someone like that could have stopped the pain she’d endured with her parents. But that was in the past! He was lending her more toward the perspective of hope just as he told her that she was doing for him and the other soldiers. The creation of the butterfly clip, again, freaks her out because she’s unsure how to react to kind gestures. It is the first of its kind– a present, meaningful in its weight and sentiment in a way that she would learn later would continue to influence her life in various, monumental ways. His present interest in poetry is also something that Yosano would find herself enjoying, too. At the time.

Honestly, I really don’t even think it’s worth elaborating on Mori cause. Well. That whole ordeal speaks for itself. His manipulation and obsession grosses her out at its minimum / start and would later be the colossal trigger and collapse of her mental stability and lead to lasting trauma even as an adult. But anyways, back to other details worth note in this timeframe.

The war efforts proceed and we reach the point where things are looking grim and soldiers are getting near fatally injured faster, and coming back in droves. She realizes rather quickly that she bit off more than she can chew; to have to bear witness to these men being on the brink of death and quickly ‘revive’ them like some sort of automated robot would, naturally, mess up anyone. Her haughty behavior drops quickly as she becomes more quiet, tired, horror creeping up her body gradually in the form of slowly raising goosebumps. She’s wondering when the war will be over, and starts to second guess her purpose. Is what she’s doing right? But she’s not hit rock bottom, not yet at least, as the unnamed soldier reassures her the second instance. He relays how her saving him would bring him back to his family. He tells her: “I’m glad that you’re here.” And it makes way for Yosano’s first instance of ever crying in front of someone, feeling an overwhelming amount of gratitude to being seen and the need to trudge forward to protect. Protect those who had a life to return to. He’d been living proof of the importance of life– that life wasn’t always so cruel to others, that she had a chance to be surrounded by those who cared about her too. She cries in her vulnerability.

Things turn for the worst. Every day is a living nightmare. She can wipe away blood from her body, others’ body, but she will never be clean of the endless pools of blood that stained her hands after her treatments. Even at the age of 11, she comes to the realization that she is the single force that shackles all these people to the torture of having to throw themselves into battle again and again for futile efforts. She’s on the brink of a nervous breakdown constantly, but consoles herself with the thought that the unnamed soldier will be able to tell her it’s alright, maybe even help her figure out a way to get them all out of there. Yosano doesn’t want her ability, hell, she’d opt to having no purpose over this. She would trade her life for all of these people. She just needed this to stop. It’s all her fault. 

The person who was the embodiment of her last shred of sanity and piece of hope commits suicide and dubs her the Angel of Death, and that was her final breaking point. The sliver of belief that providing good for people and having a purpose is ultimately gone. Her worldview that she started to have hope for shatters. It was a cumulative, gradual raise of hope for a better life to have it all smashed to the ground. This tied in with the actual events she lived through, clearly, do not help. Trauma blocks it out of her memory later on, but there are plentiful, deliberate suicide attempts from the young girl afterward, wanting out of this hell that her own hands allowed to bear fruit, but for various circumstances and reasons, her attempts would not work and/or she would simply not be allowed to die at Mori’s hands. She is a hysterical, screaming, crying mess until she is no longer able to cry anymore. If not suicide, then alternative methods. Yosano would attempt to blow the ship up with the explosives that were stored at the bottom – it would have been a far crueler end than prolonging everyone’s destined death, but ultimately fails at that as well. 

LIFE AFTER THE WAR

She is apprehended and taken away to an institution where she spends three years in a void of a space, living on earth as if her spirit has long been faded. She is a shell of a person, succumbed to her own despair and doing the absolute bare minimum. Humanity only ever makes itself present in jaded eyes that blink sometimes and the agonizingly slow rise and fall of her chest to indicate that somehow, she was breathing. Living, but not alive. Not really, anyway. She may as well be rotting away, unkempt, unpure, and wishing life would simply put her out of her misery. Devoid of any hope, feeling death would be a start of repenting for her crimes. But it was never that easy. Why would it be? 

Ranpo and Fukuzawa rescue her. We all know how that goes. Let’s touch on some details of after that. 

After rescuing her, the duo have Yosano reside with them in Fukuzawa’s apartment. While Ranpo and Fukuzawa managed to recover a glimmer of hope in Yosano by rescuing her alone, the hope is discarded as she feels she is unworthy of it and they essentially are put in a position where they have to rehabilitate her. These two people cared enough about her to try to help her– she can see it, despite going about like a walking corpse some days. But guilt is overbearing, suffocating, and it shakes her down with constant night terrors that she is too drained to scream at as well as frequent moments where she blacks out without prompting. At this time, the butterfly clip she dares not to remove from her person is a reminder, a grim heavy burden she forces herself to carry on her shoulders that she was not a good person and that this was her karma and hers alone. She should not forget that no matter how good intentioned Ranpo and Fukuzawa were to her. There was absolutely at least one more time she attempted to take her life. Needless to say, it’s a painstakingly slow process, taking about a full year before Yosano can even start to really improve outside of talking to them here and there. 

(I feel like this behavior / state is EXTREMELY similar to how Kyouka starts off as, too, so my Yosano would definitely take to Kyouka more strongly than some others. But that is an entirely different conversation for some other time.)

Once she gets to a point where she can process things again and forcing herself to come to terms with the fact that these two will simply not allow her to remain dormant, Ranpo takes to tutoring her to help get her back on track to where she left off in her schooling, as she was getting stable enough to where Fukuzawa had confidence she could get better. This process was also slow, but Ranpo is quite the good teacher when he wants to be! The endeavor is a success, and she is able to enroll again in public school, where she is still piecing together why she was granted this second chance at life. It feels pitifully ironic, all things considered. As time does, it also grants an opportunity for growth and change. Eventually, she gradually shakes her way out of her shell at snail’s pace. Some days were still harder than others, of course. Getting poetry assignments would make Yosano have full on anxiety attacks where the only solutions of getting her to calm down were to have Ranpo or Fukuzawa at her side, or if at school and neither were present, to be sent home. These instances lessened over time, thankfully, and the episodes would turn to bitter, depressing moments where Yosano would tense up and try to pass it off to Ranpo if she was able in a way that while seemed lukewarm in how she expressed it, certainly held its weight of obvious trauma. 

(She never liked to talk about her issues. Never. And instead almost always opted for distractions as her method of coping. It is a major flaw of hers that you can absolutely call her out for even in present time.)

Yosano will never truly return to being 100% normal, but that’s fine, as she really was never at 100% anyway. Schooling in its own right helped her cope with things and served as a distraction from negative thoughts, and she found herself enjoying it and studying harder than ever before. Assisting in the preliminaries of helping around the detective agency also allowed her to grow into the figurative seat that Ranpo saved just for her. No longer did she have to be abrasive to garner people’s attention, either, becoming more comfortable with an occasional snarky tongue when the situation allowed it, and slowly being allowed to live as herself for the first time. It was truly shocking to see that people liked her for her and not the potential of weaponizing the dangerous ability that she had. Once more was her ambition to help people reignited, but it would be done on her own terms. Compelled by her convictions as schooling was coming to a close, she decided that she would go to pursue higher education at a university while formally getting a degree to become a doctor. It is then when she got accepted that her new self would truly shine, becoming as close as she could to be at peace. This endeavor was sped up to lightning fast speeds because of her drilled in skill of being all the more studious and essentially holding the knowledge of what it entailed already.

Not necessarily integral details, but while in university, she did pick up the hobbies of taking up Kickboxing Classes as well as Dance Classes and are longstanding interests of hers that she maintains even after finishing her schooling. These, too, serve(d) as time slot distractions to keep her thoughts at bay when her mind decided to be a little cruel to her at some moments. Poetry no longer leaves a bitter taste in her mouth and is now a newfound interest of hers. She even writes poetry of her own at times. As of present time, her butterfly clip is still a symbol of burden she chooses to carry and a reminder, but it is also representative of metamorphosis, a chance at a new beginning– a new life. That there was value in life, and that you should live on for those who could not.

[isa-ghost]

A Formal Report To Staff

I’ve emailed the support team three times, each with strong feedback. Each containing MORE PROBLEMS than the last email. I begged them to take me off the beta. In fits of frustration, I’ve demanded to be taken off it too. I was told I’d have to deal with it. I was given responses that were little or no help at all. And I’m not the only one having these issues. These issues have been so severe and frustrating, I have been the least active on the site I have ever been. I have heavily contemplated leaving Tumblr altogether, and have been extremely displeased (to say the least) that these issues have prevented me from enjoying my blog, interacting with my friends/mutuals, and more. 

This beta was forced onto users without warning, without user’s consent, with no insight as to what would change, how it would change, why it would change, what was new, or any other changes/additions the beta would give. This lack of communication is unprofessional, inexcusable, and irresponsible. And the fact that they don’t give you an option to turn it off or opt out is, quite frankly, bullshit. Implementing a "beta” that feels half-assed and has this many issues in the first place without any kind of communication is irresponsible.

Their only semi-decent answer to this problem has been XKit. Which is not compatible/available with all browsers!! And really, it should be a big sign they SHOULDN’T CHANGE/ADD SOMETHING if their answer to it is “oh, just use XKit to undo it/turn it off.” JUST DON’T DO IT! You shouldn’t be relying on an extension/add-on to make your users happy! And if the users who don’t want these changes/additions are somehow the minority in all this, I certainly don’t see a single peep of any kind anywhere from the users that want/are supportive of these things! I’ve seen nothing but problems with this beta being reported, and frustration/hatred of it being expressed. And 0 action taken by the staff to fix any of it. If it’s still being worked on, it never should have been released to users in the first place. They should not be forced to put up with the bugs that this beta still has. The staff should not be randomly selecting users (not every user has had the beta forced upon them) to be beta testers. This is also irresponsible of them.

The staff’s communication to users about updates is AWFUL. The way they implement new things or change existing things without any mention of it or warning of when these things officially implement is AWFUL. 99% of the time they add or change something, nobody wants it or asked for it, and/or it’s a tiny change that didn’t need any attention whatsoever to begin with! They seriously need to start remembering the saying, “If it’s not broken, don’t fix it!“ The staff should be holding polls or ASKING users their opinions on something before they do it, not just throwing it in and forcing them to deal with it! And if they don’t want to wait for feedback on an idea before they do it, then they should ALWAYS make an option to turn off/opt out of whatever it is!

Tumblr’s most BASIC FUNCTIONS: posting, reblogging, editing posts, a user’s personal settings, HAVE BROKEN. They will not open or load, and if they do, the user has to wait several seconds before it FINALLY opens. When it doesn’t open, this happens:

This can/will appear 2-5+ TIMES (aka, the user will have to try and click “Aa Text/etc,” the reblog button, or the edit button 2-5+ TIMES, and on top of that, the window takes several seconds to load each time before you even know if it’s going to actually open or not!!) before Tumblr lets you open the posting window, the reblog window, or the editing window. It might even be happening with other functions on Tumblr that I just haven’t personally experienced yet.

Tumblr’s most BASIC FUNCTIONS should NEVER be malfunctioning, no matter what. A half-implemented beta/update, some random issue, NOTHING. NOTHING should make these functions unable to be used or any sort of hassle to use! This shouldn’t be happening, and shouldn’t be allowed to happen! It honestly makes the staff look incompetent when these simple things aren’t developed to a point where they don’t break. At the very least, they should not break as often as they do. And speaking of basic functions breaking, don’t even get me started on how often tags break and malfunction. That’s been an issue forever, and a highly reported and complained about one at that. And yet here the staff are, once again changing the whole appearance of Tumblr instead of working on more pressing issues; thus once again making its userbase feel unheard or ignored.

And as if those basic functions breaking aren’t enough, there’s YET ANOTHER ONE that (at least for me) keeps breaking! THE DASHBOARD ITSELF.

Anywhere between 2 seconds and a few minutes, if I scroll any longer than that, this happens to my dash, and nothing will load. And if I try to scroll back up for it to load, the things that HAD loaded are no longer loaded OR the dash just straight up disappears and all I see is the dash’s blue background. At that point I can’t even refresh my dashboard to fix it or click anything whatsoever. I have to close Tumblr and reopen it in a new tab. And most of the time, I can’t even do that, because this BREAKS MY ENTIRE BROWSER. 

MY ENTIRE BROWSER WILL STOP RESPONDING 1-3+ TIMES BEFORE I CAN DO ANYTHING AT ALL. Sometimes it will crash COMPLETELY. Not only that, but when Tumblr lags my entire browser and makes it stop responding, then EVERY OTHER APPLICATION ON MY LAPTOP will lag out or stop responding as well! My laptop is admittedly old, but even in its old age, it DIDN’T DO THIS BEFORE THE BETA WAS FORCED UPON ME. The beta is literally screwing with my WHOLE laptop because its issues start with the site, extend to my browser, then spread to anything else I have running at the time! While some of that is most likely my laptop’s age showing, again, it never did this before the beta started to mess with everything.

Being on Tumblr just... isn’t worth this much frustration. This needs to change. It needs to be taken off user’s accounts until it’s completed or (preferably to me) not implemented at all.

On top of all of these issues, I personally have been suffering another huge problem with this beta. My add-on Tumblr Savior will not work. I use Tumblr Savior to blacklist URLs of blogs I don’t want to interact with (and have blocked, but Tumblr’s blocking system is awful and doesn’t keep blocked blog’s posts off your dash or anything. Blocking a blog should COMPLETELY wipe the existence of a blog you block out of your sight EVERYWHERE. But that’s a whole other issue I won’t even get into... Again, a highly reported and complained about issue that the staff haven’t done anything about). I also use it to blacklist tags I don’t want to see, or a tag that people I follow use for their followers to blacklist a specific type of content. I use it to blacklist words and phrases so posts containing them don’t appear. I use them to blacklist triggers and things that make me uncomfortable. I know many users who also use this add-on to properly blacklist URLs, tags, words, phrases, and more to keep it off their dashboards. Many use this to blacklist triggers and sensitive material that Tumblr’s filtering systems do not properly take care of. This add-on not functioning with this beta could be harmfully affecting users. I personally cannot enjoy being on Tumblr without Tumblr Savior functioning to properly filter all that I need filtered.

This is every URL, tag, word, phrase, or otherwise that I have to blacklist to comfortably be active on Tumblr. NONE of those things are being properly blacklisted by Tumblr’s filtering system (especially blacklisting URLs to properly block a blog since Tumblr doesn’t) and are appearing on my dash and bothering me. Not only that, but Tumblr Savior ALSO does the following for me:

Since Tumblr Savior isn’t functioning, my radar, sponsored, suggested blogs, etc are all crowding my dash and also bothering me. Those checks mean they should be hidden. They are not hidden. I’ve had to unfollow some tags that I was following because they’d keep suggesting random annoying posts to me. 

I even restored defaults and reloaded all of my saved blacklists and settings. It didn’t work. I’m assuming its obviously not up to the staff to make Tumblr Savior work because it’s not theirs. But on the other hand, it was working fine until they forced the beta on me. The beta is what’s making it not work. The beta, between all the issues I’ve mentioned before, and making me unable to use Tumblr Savior to enjoy being on the site comfortably, is making it basically impossible for me to be on the site at all. I’ve mentioned all of this information in the three emails I sent and none of it was effectively acknowledged, let alone fixed.

And lastly:

I just... I really REALLY hate this. I hate it on mobile (but I tolerate it), and I REEEALLY hate it on desktop (I REALLY want it gone!!). Desktop and mobile don’t need to be similar!! Desktop is desktop and mobile is mobile, stop changing them to be the same constantly!! AT LEAST give users an option to turn this stupid number’s visibility off! I get tons of notifications from all my blogs, I get a TON (99+) on my main blog alone! I don’t want this here!! I don’t need to be notified I have notifications, I know! I don’t need to be pressured and pestered to look at them every frickin time I get one!! This is one of those changes that didn’t need to be added!

Instead of breaking everything on the site, and focusing on the appearance of Tumblr, here are just SOME of the suggestions/requests that TONS of users have mentioned in the past, all of which (to my knowledge) have been ignored or unseen by staff:

The ability to change what blog is your main blog.

FIXING THE TAGS, so posts ACTUALLY appear in them and none of the other issues happen.

When all posts containing a certain tag are deleted, the tag stops appearing in your tag history.

Fix the problem where posts with links in them don't show up in tags.

PROPER BLOCKING. If I block a blog, I don’t want to see it ANYWHERE. I don’t want to see it in tags I look at, I don’t want to see it reblogged onto my dash by people I follow. I want it completely GONE so I don’t have to blacklist URLs.

Sending asks from a side blog

THE F*CKING BOT PROBLEMS!!!

Add the different text fonts and colors available on mobile also available on desktop

When a blog is reported, DONT JUST GIVE THE OPTION TO BLOCK. They're being reported FOR A REASON.

When a blog is hidden from Google search results, you can no longer search for tags/posts on that blog's search bar. FIX THAT.

There's been a glitch lately where if you click a notification about a post to see said post, it says the post no longer exists/has been deleted when it hasn't.

Make it so when you block a blog on your main blog, it blocks that blog on all your sideblogs too.

When the OP is deleted, delete all reblogs of the post.

After I finished this post, TAG CRAWLER STOPPED WORKING. FIX THAT! Unbelievable.

There's plenty more ACTUALLY helpful things that could be changed or added, but these are the ones I see talked about the most. Anyone who reblogs this, please don't add more because it's not the point of this post, thanks.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I’m emailing it to the support and hoping the staff actually read and do something about it. To any users reading this, reblogging to signal boost is much appreciated. Any additions backing up what I’ve said here are appreciated as well; especially if the staff take the time to look through the notes to see I really am not the only one who strongly dislikes this beta and is having far more issues with it than it’s worth.

[crusherthedoctor]

When taking Lutrudis as a concept into account, it could be argued that the decision to have her live in a big, fairytale-like castle would be an unwise idea, maybe even counterintuitive, since a place so extravagant might undermine her intended loneliness and yearning for a more fulfilling life, adventure, and all that jazz before Sonic and company entered the picture. The last thing I’d want with Trudy would be to remind people of Chris “woe is me” Thorndyke and his rich kid mansion lifestyle. Not to mention that since some of the townspeople in Lime Shores can act rather ignorant (and in some cases, antagonistic) towards her, a lavish castle might also undermine the underdog nature of that particular setup.

Despite these concerns however, I felt confident with my plan, and I figured that as long as I knew what I was doing, readers would understand what I had in mind. I’ve explained in the past that a castle would better accommodate someone with her EDS, so right off the bat, you already have a practical justification for it. It also helps that whereas the accursed Thorndyke had his parents, friends, grandad, butler, etc etc etc etc... Trudy genuinely had no one to turn to before the heroes arrived for their intended vacation. So with that said, let’s examine this particular building for a bit, complete with pics for comparison’s sake, as well as a certain cavern full of Ethereal goodness that happens to be nearby...

Creating the Residence: Trudy’s Castle

Let’s get the obvious out of the way: The outside environment is not too subtly inspired by Autumn Plains from Spyro 2, better known to non-Spyro fans as my blog background.

A serene yet lonely autumnal forest backdrop, with a big stone castle smack dab in the center. It’s not one-to-one the same of course - instead of a pool, the front area boasts a lovely garden full of different flowers, and there’s also a lake nearby - but the mood is more or less what you see here.

However, this partly serves to contrast with what’s behind closed doors. As acknowledged in Beyond the Stars proper, the interior of the castle instead goes for a different and grander, yet equally inviting atmosphere when you take that first step inside. Instead of stone, you see marble and wood, and instead of grey and green, you have reds, creams, maroons, and golds (with a few complimentary blues and purples thanks to the flags hovering above).

As the lady herself mentions, Trudy discovered that the interior was in a state of disarray when she obtained it, and she was of the belief that a castle as beautiful and rich in history as this one deserved better than to be forgotten and wither away in the coming generations. The least she felt she could do was give it a modern, yet respectful redecoration, and give the old building a second, loving life in the process.

Yes, that means every spot of detail inside this castle was done single-handedly. Entirely on her lonesome. It took ages to complete, especially when taking her EDS into account, but she was determined to give the place its due, and lo and behold, the effort more than paid off. (You know, such levels of determination bring a blue hedgehog to mind...)

And that’s just the intended vision for the main hallway! We haven’t touched the other rooms yet! (Since a castle would have quite a lot of rooms, it goes without saying that for the sake of keeping this post from going even longer, we won’t be covering literally every single room... just the most important and/or most noteworthy ones. :o)

The bathroom can be described as a mix between the two examples below, combining the semi-medieval build of the former with the sky blue palette and general relaxing style of the latter.

Though that said, while the bath remains there for any guests to use, Trudy personally uses a shower since it’s more convenient for someone with her condition.

The kitchen (or as Sonic likes to call it, “the palace of chili dog magic”) mostly comes in cool browns and blacks, and its intended appearance is probably one of the more obvious combinations of old-timey and modern. It also has a slightly country aesthetic compared to the other rooms, because ha ha, horses, geddit.

The greenhouse at the back brings back the heavy amounts of green (well duh, the clue’s in the name, isn’t it?), while also providing contrast with the whiteness of the structure and architecture. Complete with giant arched windows, because of course.

And the segue point between the greenhouse and the rest of the castle looks something along these lines, at least with the way the building itself connects.

Even the chambers underneath the castle manage to look classy and clean. And just as well, since it’s where Tails parks the Tornado for the remainder of his time in Viridonia, once he FINALLY remembers to get it off the Lime Shore beach...

You know another benefit of such a spacious area? You get to turn it into a makeshift workshop for all your gadget needs, Tornado-related or otherwise. I’m sure that won’t come in handy at some point...

The guest bedroom is one of the most curious rooms of the lot, because even though it’s as nice and tidy as you’d expect, it’s also rather... muted compared to everywhere else. Perhaps Trudy felt no need to modify it further in any specific way, since no one had ever bothered to stop by anyway... until you-know-who and the gang.

And we can’t forget to mention our fair equine’s OWN bedroom now, can we? Her bedroom opts for darker colours, yet no less therapeutic, which includes the canopy bed that she rests in. You can actually see the general idea with the bedroom (and the outside of the castle for that matter) for yourself, in the Dame of the Daisy mini-comic, courtesy of my awesome friend @benignmilitancy​.

Likewise, although this shot is currently incomplete (don’t worry, Benign is fine with me using it :P), meaning some details haven’t been added yet, you can also get a basic idea of how the balcony is supposed to look here, along with the complimentary view of Viridonia’s oceans.

So what kind of music would befit Trudy’s castle, you may ask? Well, taking every detail into account, we would need something that goes for that perfect mix of adventure, wonder, warmth... and a faint hint of sadness lurking beneath. Something that gets all four across, but not in a generic, run-of-the-mill orchestra sort of way. Something a little more ambient and down-to-earth, with a more unique and specific kind of intimacy. Something like...

This would apply for when you’re inside, mind you. Outside the castle, the surrounding forest would have a theme of its own, though it would share that similar combination of melancholic friendliness. So for the outside, we would go with something more like...

Overall, the idea behind Trudy’s castle - aside from being her residence and looking enviously pretty - is to add to Trudy’s own character. It’s said that one’s home can say a lot about a person, and I made sure that every room shared a consistent narrative when reading between the lines. They may differ in shape, and they may even differ in colour, but the story is kept consistent at all times. We know that our girl is elegant, we know that our girl has slightly antiquated tastes... and we know that until the arrival of Sonic and Co, our girl was extremely lonely, and isolated by her peers, to the point of staving off said loneliness and isolation by making the place as lavishly detailed as it is in the first place. And just as the stony exterior hides the more fanciful interior, so too is there more to Trudy herself than at first glance.

Besides, not counting Eggman’s endless list of tributes to himself, we don’t often see the characters’ homes in the games, do we? We’ve seen Angel Island for Knuckles, the Space Colony A.R.K. for Shadow, that shack belonging to the Chaotix in Heroes, a few pads of varying consistency depending on the game (Tails’ workship in SA1 VS his house in Battle)... but not much more than that. And what better contrast to Sonic being something of a nomad, than by Trudy living a place like this?

But we’re not done just yet. Last but not least, we can’t forget that mysterious cave hiding down below, where countless amounts of Ethereal Crystals can be found undisturbed... You can bet that such a place would be suitably attention grabbing.

Since the crystals themselves come in practically every shade of the rainbow and then some, the resulting combination - specifically their reflecting shine - ends up painting the cavern walls with just as much colour.

It may feel a tad surreal and almost alien, to the point of being a little intimidating for some, arguably. But you know in your heart of hearts that as long as Eggman isn’t in the equation, there is no need to be fearful. After all, Trudy knows it better than anyone else, and although the crystals and their properties may hail from unknown, possibly uncomfortable origins, the horse herself continues to use them for wholly benevolent purposes.

Such a cavern would deserve a theme of its own, no? We’ll need something that drives home the point that the power within has no inherent morality, and can only be as good or as evil as the person using them. So although Trudy’s own intentions are firmly on the side of good, we’ll also need an added touch of minor eeriness lingering in the background, to represent the overarching threat and subsequent implications of Eggman dipping his own hands into the metaphorical Ethereal well, on top of its already unexplained otherworldliness...

So yes, it’s quite a pleasant castle that Trudy has, eh?

But this isn’t the only castle that can be found in Viridonia...

Well, it used to be the only one of its kind on the island... until a certain doctor stopped by, decided to beat the horse at her own game, and create his own, darker counterpart in response... But we’ll get to that when we get to that, ho ho ho.

[roboromantic]

more gender thoughts woooooooooo

after thinking about it some more and especially after reading the op’s clarification I realize I misinterpreted the post; I was reading it as like “these terms don’t exclude all nb people so I’m going to say they should/do include all nb people” when really it was just more like “hey nb people are allowed to opt into using these terms if they want”

I just until recently have had a hard time wrapping my head around combining nonbinary with binary because my experience being gender-repulsed is (apparently) uncommon and extremely different from others using the nonbinary label, but between the really obvious in retrospect realization that not every nb person is repulsed by the idea of being associated w/the gender binary and the reply on that post that implies that people may be using it in a sense that I equate more with gender non-conforming I think I’ve finally got it sorted out.

I also see posts like the one I’ve been talking about that like “let aligned nb people be aligned in peace; they’re valid” but I rarely actually see anyone saying they can’t? just because I don’t see it doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen obviously and I guess people are more likely to spread positivity posts than people responding to asshole anons but I’ve always found it hard to find stuff that isn’t for/about aligned nb people

I will admit I’m not exactly active in any nb communities so maybe my experience is not as rare as it seems to be. I know I’ve had a couple followers in the past say they have similar experiences so, probably not?  it’s kinda hard to tell on tumblr bc the tags are always like 90% headcanons about fictional characters lmao

and also I think it’s kinda like I said in this post about pronouns – straight and lesbian are generally associated with liking/being one specific gender and saying that nb people can use these labels doesn’t mean everyone’s gonna immediately accept that right away (gay I think has kind of become an umbrella term and consequently lost the single-gendered connotations, at least online.)

anyway I kinda wanna see if I can find stuff about the usage of “nonbinary” and see how the meaning has or has not changed over time. mostly unrelated but I do think that the non-binary vs nonbinary spelling debate has largely settled on the latter and google trends seems to support that (the huge spike is when Demi Lovato came out lol)

also interesting to me is that if you check from the 2004-present option, neither term is really searched all that much until 2014-2015. I’ve known I was nonbinary since 2010 and I might have to dig through my blog and see if I mentioned much what terms I was using. I know when I was first figuring things out I was using neutrois for a good while; I’m trying to remember if I ever ID’d as genderqueer. anyway was I using non(-)binary before it was cool? or was I using other terms? It’s been a while and I don’t exactly remember 😔

actually I kinda wanna look at gender related terms in general; like, I remember when trans* was a thing and people were flip-flopping between AFAB/AMAB and FAAB/MAAB

another thing I’ve thought about from time to time is how people are VERY adamant that clothes and actions don’t define one’s gender but like..........................they kind of do? I guess not so much in liberal spaces in America and I grew up in a fundamentalist xian cult and am an outlier adn should not be counted but like. Less than 10 years ago I had a Sunday school class bemoaning the fact that you couldn’t tell men and women apart anymore because they were wearing the same clothes and doing the same things. Exactly what clothes and actions are part of one’s gender roles (and the genders there are) varies from culture to culture (which is one of the reasons I hate saying I’m transmasc – masculine according to whom and why is the answer WASPs) and it’s not like one’s body had absolutely nothing to do with it, but yeah. idk I’m a bit sleep-deprived and I’ve been writing this for like two hours now and my computer crashed so I lost this section and kinda forgot where I was going with this

anyway that’s not to say that I agree with that line of thought, it’s just that for the vast majority of people for the vast majority of history, clothes and actions did in fact play a huge role in one’s gender and like I said earlier about pronouns and sexuality labels, saying they’re not connected doesn’t instantly dissolve all those associations. frankly I have to wonder what kind of life experiences one has where they can just be like “ugh I can’t believe people don’t already know this 🙄” Like I know they’re almost certainly just venting and don’t expect people irl to understand but like.

where’s that post I saw the other day about how people can forget what it’s like to be new to a concept and thus have trouble explaining it and get frustrated bc they expect people to already have the same understandings that they do. It feels like maybe that’s what’s going on

ONE LAST THING why do people get mad about people making aesthetics for their gender. it’s not like cis people don’t do the same damn thing

[jlf23tumble]

Top 10 Niche Interests

Fixations? Obsessions? This is incredibly hard because I have wayyyy too many niche interests, so instead of stressing about it, I tried to channel the 10 things that immediately speak to me and maybe aren't so obvious from what I post here, like how much I'm obsessed with wigs, doll furniture, incredibly specific blogs, all forms of clothing with pockets, swimming pools, whimsical bus stops, over-the-top bathrooms, etc. etc Instead, I opted for some specifics that feel a little more evergreen and long tailed, like, so LIFE-long tailed that it's tough to nail down when or how they became part of the national psyche. I thank @alienfuckeronmain​ for the initial tag, and I'm tagging her AGAIN for round two because I know she has a billion additional niche things, and she'll post them, and I'll scream because it'll trigger five other things I neglected to post here, and I'll probably post my own round two, arggggh, insert aggressive sighing. Anyway, I tag ANYONE who wants to do it, just tag me so I can see! 

1. Indoor Trees

I have no idea why this concept PULLS so hard because houseplants are kind of meh to me, but you want to plant an entire-ass TREE indoors, in the place where you live? Me, too, and I'd add a conversation pit plus a combo gold/red bathroom, among other things, and, bam, we're in my imaginary dream home, which I have literally, constantly ALWAYS mentally constructed from the time I was about six or so. (If you're curious, it has multiple themed rooms, and the closest I've seen to it recently is the outstanding Dita von Teese AD feature, but Amy Sedaris’s apartment comes close, too). There are two (2) 1960s houses in Long Beach with magnificent indoor trees, but I can't find them online, so have this modern interpretation and cry with me about how I can't visit the multi-story fake tree inside Clifton's Cafeteria for a good long while:

2. Conventions of Fans of Any Kind

One thing that I don't think I'll ever lose is how much I *love* people who are fans of SOMETHING, people who have a passion and create something about it or cosplay it or simply gather to celebrate it and connect to other people through it. The Internet provides in all kinds of ways, but I'm talking specifically about IRL conventions and the way my heart pitter pats when I first walk in those doors, SWOON! And it doesn’t matter how big the convention is or how random, I've been to smaller events like CatCon and the My Little Pony convention all the way up to biggies like WonderCon and Comic Con, and I have yet to be disappointed. I might know jack shit about what I'm walking into, but I want to see the merch, hear about the panels, and check out the people who are fucking PUMPED to be there. Sadly, I think it's gonna be a lonnnnng time until these come back, but I can live vicariously through my old photos, sigh:

3. Dutch Wax Fabrics and African Fashion

I'm not the snazziest of dressers, but textiles, colors, and patterns have been an obsession that has soothed my visual soul for as long as I can literally remember. Wax fabric marries all three of those touchpoints, plus throws in a healthy dose of style, and I count myself lucky to have seen two big exhibits on the subject (this was one of them), oh, how I wish there were more! For sure, there's a fucked up underlying colonial/imperialist history here, but there's also humor and color and vibrancy, a reclamation of sorts, and multiple levels of fashion that take my breath away. I cannot do the different patterns justice at all, but the fan motif is one of my faves:

4. Hearst Castle vs. Madonna inn

These two fall into my #home tag because they're where I'm from, and they speak to me as equally sublime and ridiculous, camp and kitsch writ large and small, different (yet similar!) versions of Xanadu that two rich white men built as shrines to their own personal "taste." And the irony is that a lot of people shit on Alex Madonna for being tacky (the Madonna Inn is...uh, something else), yet praise WR Hearst for all the high-class art and architecture, most of which is fully lifted from desperate churches between and after world and yet they're both more or less the same concept (lodging for weary travelers, self-aggrandizement, questionable taste-mixing). Hearst Castle edges out slightly for me because it's bigger and has spectacular scenery and history, plus it gives me doses of LA noir thanks to the way Hearst killed a guy in a jealous Charlie Chaplin-related rage and Hedda Hopper covered it up, all kinds of old Hollywood shenanigans happened up there, etc. But I'm low-key an expert on both houses of the holy, I'm OBSESSED with both, and we can leave it at that. I mean, come on:

5. Snow Globes

I had to cull my personal collection slightly just to fit it all on the dedicated shelf in my bathroom, and I seriously need to refill all the water lines, but nothing beats a snow globe in terms of memorable souvenir, especially when you put it in a bathroom. The majesty!!! The jewel of my collection is the one from Sherwood Forest because WHY NOT celebrate a historic place and moment in the basic way?? He robbed from the rich to give to the poor, and the gift shop about 100 feet from the tree he hid in does the same! The circle of life! The irony of all the watermarks on this blessed image...protect:

6. Highly Specific Museums

Look, we can all agree that the more venerated museums in the world are a form of garbage in terms of what they represent, what they've done, and who runs them, but I'm here for the museums that collect and celebrate things that tend to get overlooked. There are too many to list that I love that are still thriving, so I'm going to say goodbye to four recently departed faves. RIP to the Pez museum, I'm so glad I saw you and purchased your stale candy souvenirs. RIP to the museum of terrible food, you were a pop up when Phoenix and I saw you, and I will forever think about the worker describing people literally vomiting during their visits. RIP to the currywurst museum in Berlin, I've had currywurst exactly once and it was not for me, but I respect the Journey you took me on, including obscure east German TV shows that helped make you so popular (??). Finally, RIP to the velvet painting museum, there's no way to mince words, the person who owned you was crazy AS FUCK and had zero clue how to run a business, but I'm so glad I saw you multiple times and purchased my own velvet treasure (not this exact one, but remarkably similar):

7. Liminal Spaces: Grocery Store Edition

Confession time for those who don't know me all that well, I'm a big time voyeur, and nothing fills my heart with joy like a walk at 7 or 8 pm, the witching hour when people haven't pulled the curtains, and I can scope out their decorations/furnishings without it being "weird." Another confession is how much I unabashedly adore grocery stores in other countries and will spend at least an hour wandering aisle by aisle, falling in love with how much everything is different yet completely the same:

8. Agatha Christie Novels:

As a child, I was a fairly compliant reader--I had to read something for school? Okay! For my mom? Sounds good! But the books that sparked the initial fire for me to read something purely for myself were second-hand (probably fourth- or fifth-hand, judging by cover art) Agatha Christie short story anthologies, which were the gateway drug to full Agatha Christie novels, then other mystery novels, and so on. But getting back to Agatha, I obviously loved all the stories, but every decade spawned incredibly good cover art (like, exceptionally good), and this particular artist's are right up near the top for me (I go back and forth on a lot of the '50s and '60s ones):

9. Scopitones

I link my obsession with scopitones both to my love of music videos in general and a shop in Austin, TX, that sold DVD compilations of them in particular, but either way, they're underappreciated and kitschy all in one! Francoise Hardy and the rest of the ye-ye's are my forever girls for this medium, but seemingly every country cranked them out, both actual set videos and "live" performances? If you don't know what they are, scopitones were machines that played music videos in French cafes in the '60s (??), so it was sort of your proto-MTV way to see your faves sing and dance. Oh, Francoise...so moderne!!

10. Cover Songs

I have so much patience and love for cover songs of any stripe, the more genre-bending and/or surprising, the better! My only minor beef is the trend in slooooooooowing down songs to make a point, but even those ones have a special place in my heart if they're effective. Live Lounge feeds my hunger the best, but my meta fave for representing this concept is Pulp's Bad Cover Version, which was already lyrically INSPIRED, a song about bad cover versions in terms of relationships, but then they did a video that was a visual "bad" cover version, with actors lip synching over an audio "bad" cover version, and all of it just worked? The cover for the single is someone in the band as a boy, making his own bad cover version of a Bowie album cover, it's meta meta meta, and I love love love, here's the video, if you're curious. In the more sublime cover category, I'm absolutely addicted to all of Orville Peck's covers, I truly hope he officially releases them sometime soon, but I wholeheartedly support any artist who does it: