#EXCEPT.. HAND HURTY..

[4lbon]

ok since f2 is cancelled 2day i guess i'll gif liam

[hyunfilms]

blue side of the sky (lmh) | twelve.

♡ spotify playlist | series masterlist

—summary: waking up after 3 months with no recollection of your past, your friends do what they can to help you remember. except, they omit an important piece to the puzzle - afraid you would remember the heartbreak and hurt all over again.

—pairing: lee know x f. reader

—genre: (18+) exes to lovers, bestfriends to lovers au | fluff, angst, (eventual) smut

—word count: 4.5k

—chapter content/warnings: cussing, more of a lighthearted chapter hehe but a very oc x minho centered chapter! JJ & chan share some words with minho, hanging out and spending time together, cute lil flashback, small sweet kisses, lots of thoughts about recent events lol, holding hands, feelings being aired out, quickly edited so pls excuse any errors! also pls trust that things will fall into place as they should 😩

"Dude, what the fuck are you doing? I got this. Just goooo." JJ whines and tries to shove Minho out of the back area of the café. "You're hanging out with Y/N today and the first thing you think about is coming to the café? Weirdo."

"Shut up, okay? I wanted to bake something really quickly."

"Where are you guys hanging out at now? Is it just you two this time?" Minho nods. 

"Yeah. She said she's been wanting to go to the Conservatory of Flowers, but hasn't since it's kinda far. I offered to take her."

"Hm." JJ hums. "What did Jisung say about this?" Minho shrugs.

"Nothing. We haven't been talking too much. I know he's still mad, but I'm sure we'll talk about it soon."

"I mean truthfully, it's valid. Cause you fucked up." Minho glares at him before shaking his head. "But, I know you're trying to not make things weird. I just hope you both don't fuck this up."

"Yup." Minho pops the 'p' in his response, tired of people associating him and Jisung with 'fucking things up.' Him, mainly. He gets it, though.

"No, but on a serious note. Are you going to tell her?" Minho pauses.

"I will. I will eventually." He looks at JJ.

"As long as you do it and it comes from you. Nobody else." JJ looks at him worriedly. "Promise me that, please? It's the least you can do for Y/N." Minho continues to keep eye contact with his cousin, pursing his lips before letting out a sigh.

"Yeah, I know." Is all he can respond with before swallowing the lump in his throat. It has to come from him. It wouldn't make sense for Jisung to do it, and even if they were fighting about it now, he'd never let Jisung take the blame for this.

It needed to come from him.

"Alright." JJ says. "So, what are you baking exactly?"

"Nothing for you, if that's what you're asking." Minho chuckles. "Kidding. I did get a head start on these brownies for you, though." He sets the timer aside, peeking into the oven at his special for the day. "7 mins left." Minho washes his hands and sets the hand towel aside.

"Didn't you make these already?"

"Yeah." Minho purses his lips together before heading towards the back door of the café. "They're Y/N's favorite."

"This dude." JJ mutters to himself as he watches his cousin hop into his car and drive off. He has to stop by home really quickly to get a few things together [esp himself] before swinging by to pick you up.

"Where are you going?" Chan asks as Minho steps through the door and hurriedly heads up to his room.

"I need to take Y/N to the conservatory."

"For what?" Chan chuckles.

"Just cause. She wants to go." Chan hums.

"I'm assuming Jisung doesn't know about this?"

"He does."

"No, that's not what I'm saying." Minho stops in front of the bathroom to look at him.

"Then, what are you saying?"

"You. Your feelings for her."

"He's aware, I guess." Chan shakes his head and shrugs.

"We can't keep hiding this from her, you know? Especially if you're starting to have feelings again."

"Yeah, I know." Minho sighs. "But Jisung just doesn't wanna talk to me about it. He doesn't wanna talk about any of this. Wants to play things safe."

"It's not going to be safe forever. We're going to end up hurting her more." Chan looks at him worriedly. "Besides, you've called it quits with Kat, right? Officially? No more back and forth shit. You— that—" Chan pauses. "That whole thing was fucked up." Minho's eyes soften and all he can do is respond with a small, subtle nod. "When you say you're done, please mean it. For both their sakes, especially Y/N."

"I know. I.. I mean it. That's done with."

"I get it. The whole accident was hard to process but falling onto Kat shouldn't have been the first thing you thought about while Y/N was in there. But, you should know that's why we're equally scared about the outcome of this, right?"

"Yeah, I know."

"Alright then." Chan shrugs it off as if he didn't know what else to say. Of course, he couldn't continue to lecture the guy— he's aware Minho has heard it time and time again. "Well, enjoy the conservatory." 

"Mm, yeah. I will." Minho rushes into the bathroom to end the conversation and finish getting ready. The topic has started to dwindle on him and it's been messing with his mood a bit. He knows JJ and his friends come from a good place, and he knows he has to tell you.

It just never feels like the right time.

Or, he's just afraid of ripping that bandaid. He tells himself it's never the right time because he wants to avoid re-opening the wound.

Inevitably, it will re-open and he has to understand that.

By the time Minho is finished getting ready, Chan is also on his way out to head to the studio. They bid their farewells and go their separate ways, Minho brushing off the talks that just happened to put himself in a better place before having you in the car.

Uncle Adrian is just about to get into his truck when Minho pulls up to the curb. He gives him a small smile and wave before hopping in. Minho waits until he pulls out of the driveway with one final goodbye before stepping out and heading to the backyard. As he approaches your cottage, he can hear the soft music playing in your living room area while you hum along. 

"Y/N?" He knocks and calls your name.

"Door's open! I'm almost done." He hears you say before twisting the door knob and entering your space. A gentle, calming smell of lavender fills the room, and it fills Minho with nostalgia.

You brought home some fresh lavender. Like you used to.

He plops on the couch and manspreads, catching up to the group chat with his roommates. He chuckles to himself when he finds Seungmin and Jisung going at it over a certain video game, with Chan trying to change the subject and prevent it from going on. 

seungmin: dude you're full of shit, that game is sooo bad

seungmin: i've seen better

chan: what time is everyone getting back home?

jisung: maybe you're the one who's bad at playing it?! i highly enjoyed it

jisung: the complexity, graphics, story line? chef's kiss

minho: both of you could greatly benefit from being quiet

jisung: all of a sudden

jisung: go pay attention to y/n

jisung: since you wanna be all knight and shining armor now

chan: ooooookay lets relax lmao

chan: so, what's for dinner tonight?

Minho lets out a small, dry chuckle at Jisung's continued passive aggressiveness, but he knows he also just needs a moment to talk to him more about this; to let him know that he acknowledges he was wrong first and foremost, but he truly means it when he'll do better this time around—

"Hi." You pop out of your room in a cute little sundress and your sneakers.

"Hey." He smiles at you and stands. "You look cute." 

"Thank you." You giggle.

"Are you ready? Do you need anything before we go?"

"Mm, no." You grab your bag and phone before looking back at him. "Thank you for taking me. I know it's probably going to be so boring for you. I really would have been okay taking a cab and going by myself."

"No, I don't mind it. I'm happy to take you." He chuckles as he steps out and waits for you to lock your door. You walk alongside of him and scrunch your nose when you look up to meet his eyes.

"You sure?"

"Of course." Minho laughs, letting you settle into the passenger seat before he hops in. This really wasn't unusual for him, anyway. You used to drag him and Jisung to the monthly free admission days that a few museums participated in. He'd go, he loved spending time with you. With his bestfriend. It was always good times.

☁︎ FLASHBACK | JUNIOR YEAR

"Wake up!" You yell as you run into Jisung's room, letting the door hit the wall harshly.

"Cielo, what the actual fuck?" He mumbles sleepily, bed head poking out of his covers. "It's so early."

"It's literally almost 11am and time to start the day." You smack the covers. "Get ready! We're going to the science museum!"

"Have you lost your mind? On a Saturday?" Jisung tries to bring the covers over his head, but you tug on it and pull it back. 

"Nope! It's free admissions day! Minho's already getting ready." Jisung groans. 

"Yeah, because he's your boyfriend! Just take him!

"Nope, you're coming along too.

"I swear to god."

"I'll buy you food later." He groans even louder before tossing the sheets off of him and waddling over to his closet.

"Fine." He mumbles, shooing you out of his room so he can pick his clothes out and get ready in peace. 

Once the two are finally up and ready, you take them to the science museum downtown. It takes about a good 25 minutes to get there with the daytime traffic already beginning, plus finding parking in the garage proves to be even more difficult until you hit the lower levels. The admissions line is a bit lengthy, but it moves quickly, finally allowing you, your boyfriend and your bestfriend to enjoy the museum. 

"What exactly are we doing here?" Jisung's bitter ass wonders as he adjusts his hat.

"To learn new things." You face him just as you slip your hand into Minho's. 

"Okay then, lead the way princess." Minho gives you a toothless smile before letting you begin the journey around the museum. Eventually, Jisung slips out of his exhaustion and begins to enjoy the visit— now also joining in and excitedly pointing at the huge dinosaur exhibit and the aquarium right past it.

As Jisung settles to watch the divers swim around the coral reef exhibit, Minho lags behind you to snap a few candid photos before slipping his arms around your waist and planting a soft kiss against your head.

"Enjoying yourself?" You giggle as he continues to hug you from behind, the both of you a few steps away from Jisung [who is nearly pressed against the front and center with the kids]. 

"Yeah, told you it'd be fun."

"Baby, I never even had a problem with it." He laughs a bit. "At least he's enjoying himself now." You both chuckle at Jisung joining the kids and pointing at different fish.

"I know, grumpy pants." 

"Hey." He gently taps your waist. "Face me."

"Why?" You look at him slyly before turning in his hold to face him.

"Just cause." He smiles before kissing the tip of your nose, down to your lips. "Glad you're having fun."

"Are you having fun?"

"Course. Nothing beats spending time with my girlfriend and the child." You laugh. "Look." He pulls out his phone to show you the pictures he's taken of you. "Like 'em?"

"They're cute! May I have permission to post these?" You ask cutely and Minho laughs.

"Yeah, but. I need a little tip." He puckers his lips, and you give him what he asks for— slightly tiptoeing to kiss him on the lips again. 

"Thank you."

"Mhm." He boops your nose.

"Yo, lovebirds! Let's go check out the insects please." Jisung pleads.

"Why? All you're gonna do is cry about it when you actually see one." Minho furrows his brows and laces his fingers with yours as he follows him to the insects section.

"Oh yeah, so funny." Jisung says sarcastically. "And what about you, funny guy? Like you're any better!"

"At least I don't scream and make a scene when they move!" They continue to bicker as you silently follow along and make your way into the insect section—

Where, as expected, Jisung flinches and nearly knocks a child out after seeing the tarantula on display.

☁︎ END 

"This is for you, by the way." He hands you a small pastry bag with a brownie inside.

"My favorite!" You let out a small gasp before taking it out to begin munching on it. "You wanna share?"

"I have it too many times, Y/N." You chuckle at the small head tilt he does.

"Did you eat or have some coffee?"

"I did. I'm good, promise."

"Okay." You happily eat away at the brownie. "I hope there aren't too many people since it's still early."

"We'll be fine."

"I felt bad for leaving Mrs. Pak alone today, but she said I should go. She went recently and said they have new plants and flowers decorating the place." You look at him. "I think I'm gonna take a few pictures and try to paint some."

"That sounds like a good plan. Did you ever draw the beach from the wedding?"

"I did. Rough draft. I wasn't too happy with it. Maybe I'll work on it a bit more later."

"I'm sure it looks great."

"I'm rusty." You shrug it off. "I asked Jisung if he wanted to come but he said he's seeing his parents today."

"Yeah, he left really early this morning. But, I think he'll be back for dinner. The guys were trying to figure out what to make for tonight. Which, good for me. Gives me a break from feeding their asses." You laugh at the way he slightly huffs after the response.

Sooner or later, Minho pulls into a spot along the curb since the conservatory sits within a bigger central park. The both of you walk towards admissions to buy tickets for the day and walk in, feeling the warmth increase a teeny bit. You pause in your tracks to take in the view, admiring the colorful blends of all the exotic plants and flowers decorating the place. 

Mrs. Pak was right.

Minho does the same with his hands tucked into his pockets, following closely behind you as you take the time to stop in front of all the exhibits so far. You happily read out the facts to Minho as he stands next to you and takes all of this in.

You gently place your palm under some of the flowers to admire them closely, and Minho takes this as his opportunity to start snapping photos of you— just like before. Most of the time, you don't say much to him because you're so engrossed in the plants, the flowers.

And that's okay, as long as you're enjoying yourself. He wants to see you happy.

"Minho, look!" You smile at the huge monstera leaf, holding it in your hands to show him how big it's gotten.

"Hey, that's cute." He says, holding up his phone to take a picture and showing it to you shortly afterwards. "Here." Your eyes glow at the picture, the shyest smile creeping at the corner of your lips once you meet his eyes again.

"I love it. Thank you, Minho. Did you.. take more?"

"I did. I like 'em all. But— " The two of you continue to walk alongside of each other as he scrolls through the pictures he took of you. "This is my favorite. Besides the one I just took." He chuckles a bit, showing you a picture of you tipping the Medinilla flower close to your nose with a cute smile on your face. 

"You actually took photos of me?" You giggle.

"Why not? Gotta capture the moments, right?" He chuckles. 

"I'm shy."

"Why? It's just me, Y/N."

"Cause. It's weird to see myself in photos. I can't really explain it." You giggle and shake your head, subconsciously holding onto his arm as you continue to walk through the conservatory.

"Hm." He hums. "You look beautiful to me." He looks at you with the softest, sweetest eyes.

"You're sweet." You look down at your feet, feeling the heat rise to your cheeks. Minho is your bestfriend, but he feels more to you. You crave for him, his comfort.

He feels special, feels like something deeper— to you.

"Did you like it? Do you wanna stay around for a little more?" Minho asks when you finally hit the end of the conservatory. He watches as you glance around before shaking your head, smiling up at him with your phone in hand.

"I did like it, but I think I'm good. I took photos of all the plants I want to attempt to paint." 

"Cool." He holds his arm back for you to hold onto. "Wanna go on a walk?"

"Where to?"

"I don't know honestly, let's see where it takes us." 

"Okay." You chuckle.

Minho leads the way down a random path that goes around the central park and into the residential neighborhood that has a few small shops lining the streets.

The sun is still up, and the streets are busier now that it's hitting the early afternoon. Minho gently moves you to the side and away from the street, taking the busier side to keep you safe. The both of you talk a bit about the café and JJ, which then reminds you about San.

"I hung out with Sannie the other day."

"Yeah?" Minho says, kicking the rocks beneath his feet as you continue to walk around in the surrounding area. "How was that?" He's trying his best to not give away the fact that he saw you two happily walking into the theater together. With the way it was going, it was easy to tell you had a good night. He's assuming you'll tell him he made you happy, and he asked you out. This is how the news will be broken to him. He hates thinking about it, but he needs to be here for you first and foremost. If you were happy with San, then he needs to hear it and he needs to be happy for you. He will be happy for you. You are his bestfriend before anything, and you are important.

"Good. We had dinner at that fancy unagi place. Then we ate dessert at Peace Piece before catching Spirited Away at the theater."

"Oh, for the Studio Ghibli event?" Impressive, Minho thinks. He honestly thought San was going to take you to see something else. "That sounded like fun."

"I know, I kinda missed you guys while sitting in the theater. Not that San isn't good company, but it would've been nice to see it with you guys, too." You chuckle. "Hopefully, they do it again."

"Yeah, I'd be down." He responds. "What else did you guys do?"

"Hm, nothing really. He took me to the beach and we talked about some things." Minho looks at you with a brow cocked up— definitely his way of prying for more info. "He.. kinda confessed that he liked me? Not kinda, but.. you know what I mean." You feel the heat rise to your cheeks again, and you suddenly feel shy, maybe a bit embarrassed, to be telling Minho this like it's some silly elementary school crush. 

"Mm. Can't say I didn't see that coming." Minho responds with a drip of sarcasm, making you gently push him with a giggle.

"What do you mean?"

"It's obvious he likes you."

"I guess? We just clicked easily." You sigh. "To be honest, I thought I'd have some genuine feelings for him. But, I realized I felt like I was forcing myself to feel a certain way just cause he was there and we've spent time together." You pout a bit as you look back down at your feet. "Anyway, I told him I wanted to stay friends. I don't wanna ruin what we've built. We just seem.. good this way. I think that's what my mind was trying to tell me and I feel content saying that out loud."

"I'm sorry. I know that's tough, though."

"Hm, it's okay." It falls quiet for a bit before Minho's head shoots up and slows his pace a bit. You almost bump into him with the way your head hangs low, unsure of what is stopping him from moving forward.

"Ice cream?" He points towards the ice cream shop.

"Before dinner?" He laughs.

"It's the only way to do it. Plus, it's a nice little picker-upper." You giggle, letting him lead the way into the ice cream parlor. You two stand off to the side, eyeing the menu before stepping forward to order your ice cream. Minho settles for his to be in a cup, while you fully indulge in a waffle cone. He pays for your ice cream shortly after, with you savoring the flavors on your way back to the car.

As you continue the trek back, you hear sounds coming from nearby. You gently tug Minho in the direction, loosely lacing your hand with his to figure out what's happening at this time of day. To your surprise, there's an event happening in one part of the park nearby, with people laid out on their blankets. It seems to be a family friendly movie event, being that there are a ton of kids running around if not seated with their family. 

Minho takes a seat at an open bench facing the screen and shaded lawn area, leaning onto his knees as he eats away at the ice cream scoops sitting in the cup. You sit as close as possible to him, with your legs brushing against his. He likes the feeling, he likes being close to you. It brings him comfort. 

"Oh, look! They're playing a Disney movie."

"Toy Story." Minho responds. "Such a classic."

"Did you plan this?" You look at him slyly before he chuckles and shakes his head.

"If I say yes, does that give me more brownie points?" You giggle and shake your head, chomping onto your waffle cone. 

"I can say that grabbing ice cream before dinner was the right idea."

"See." He looks at you and smirks.

"Good thing it isn't super cold."

"You're not too cold now though, are you?"

"No. I'm okay." The movie starts and the both of you actually start to watch even though this wasn't really included in the original plan. Minho finishes his cup of ice cream first, tossing it into the trash can nearby before plopping back down next to you. He sits back against the bench, lazily throwing an arm onto the ledge and behind your back. You silently giggle to yourself, assuming Minho was probably trying to be slick about his actions. You don't mind it though, and it makes you settle into your seat a little more— back pressed against the bench, bodies close enough to exchange warmth.

"You sure you're okay?" You look at Minho when he suddenly pops the question, wiping at your mouth once you've finished the cone entirely. You let it marinate for a minute, wondering what he could possibly be hinting at. 

"Of course, why?" You ask him, stuck on what could possibly be bothering you.

"I don't know. The whole thing with San?" Minho hates to ask, but he wants to be sure you're okay. You make an 'o' shape with your mouth before nodding.

"Oh, yeah. I'm okay. I think." You shrug. "I just hope we can continue to be the same as friends. We've built a really good friendship in such a short amount of time, I'd hate to lose that." You look at Minho. "I'm just getting used the world again. You know? Exploring everything, making friends. It'll be terrible to lose a friend already."

"I know, but you won't, Y/N. I'm sure it'll be okay. He seems to feel the same way, and I'm sure he understands."

"I—" You look at Minho worriedly, and he slightly furrows his brows in response.

"Hm?" He hums.

"I think it's my turn to sort out my feelings." You chuckle a bit. "I'm not really sure how to explain it."

"That's okay, Y/N. Take your time." You pause, fiddling with your fingers as your feet sway over the edge.

"Minho?"

"Yes?"

"Would you find it weird if I said I feel attached to you?" He chuckles a bit. "I feel comfortable and safe with you. Like you've always taken care of me. It's nice."

"No. I wouldn't be surprised." He looks at you again with a small smirk. "I've always been the fun one compared to Jisung, anyway." You laugh and playfully push him. "Kidding."

"Seriously. It's not weird? I can't explain it."

"No." He says softly. "We've.. always been—" He pauses as if he's trying to choose his wording. "Really close." He purses his lips. "We've gone through a lot together." He sighs. 

"I see." You respond because you're not sure if you should continue to ask. Perhaps, this was what he wanted to talk more about. But, he wasn't ready. It's obvious he wasn't ready. He knows he should tell you. He's just afraid. Of course, he doesn't wanna be selfish— though, at the same time, he looks at you and realizes he just can't lose you again.

This is the first time Minho has been able to look at you for long. 

"I've really.. missed this." There's a slight pause in between his words, and part of you has to prevent yourself from prying more. You won't out of respect to him, but you also aren't sure what to make of this feeling when you look at him.

Like you love him, adore him— like he means much more to you than you think, than you know.

"We're here now, right?" You smile at him. Minho looks at you, really looks at you— adoration twinkling in his eyes as he softly smiles back. He doesn't say anything, even as he throws his arm around you and pulls you close, planting a sweet kiss on your temple. You lay your head on his shoulder as you two continue to sit there, admiring the surroundings, casually watching the movie.

Sadly, part of you is also overthinking. You can't help but wonder why he wasn't in photos with you. Or, why he was so distant in the beginning. It couldn't just be that he hated taking pictures, or that he was learning how to cope. You were surely missing something to the puzzle. Something that didn't end well, something that happened? Kat? Maybe two young lovebirds who didn't expect their turns in the relationship? But, you trust in Minho to tell you when he's ready.

And who knows, maybe you won't be ready to hear what he has to say. Or, maybe you won't understand what this is all about. Maybe, it'll give you the time that you need. You just hope it isn't entirely heartbreaking.

Whenever it comes.

You trust him.

That's probably what sucks the most because Minho knows you trust him, but you won't after he tells you. He doesn't wanna ruin that today, not just yet— he'll just need to find another day where he can tell you before he gets too wrapped up into this, into you. 

Again.

But he will tell you, he will rip that bandaid. And when that day comes, he'll only hope that you will let him show you that he's better— that he's acknowledged his mistakes and that he is learning from them. Hopefully, you'll still be able to trust him no matter how long it takes.

Hopefully, you'll still look at him with the same love, the same twinkle in your eye.

Hopefully, you'll still smile at him the same way you smile at the blue sky— the sky that makes room for everchanging weather, like dark clouds or thunderstorms. But, the blue sky has always waited behind every dark cloud, or every thunderstorm just to shine again.

Hopefully, you'll see that what you've longed for has always been here, just like the blue sky. 

Minho is your blue sky.

⇢ 12.5 [cloud days]: here

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[datubooty]

Telling the Bees

[800ish words of hurty Huntlow drabble feat. Clover, set early in For the Future]

Hunter notices Willow the moment she opens the Owl House’s Hooty-less door. He keeps pacing, fists curled around an empty space saved for a staff that can’t fill it.

From far away, his eyebrows iron his expression into a scowl. Only when Willow gets close can she see his eyes are puffy and red around the edges. But this she could guess; his shoulders had been hitching between steps.

“Hi, Hunter, um, can I borrow Clover from you for a second?”

He looks insulted, interrupted, irate. “You can do whatever you want. I don't care! She’s your palisman. Borrow her for a second. Borrow her forever!”

Willow knows he’s hurting. She knows not to take it personally, even though it hurts her in return. She has her mission, which gives her an excuse to not try to comfort him. She gingerly scoops her palisman into her arms. Hunter’s gaze is on her like a sunburn, the seep of seething envy and misplaced anger, slow but inevitable as a lava flow.

“I’ll only be a second, promise.” She breathes out, counting in her head, except that reminds her of her dads, and that reminds her she hasn’t seen them in how many months? Not since before the sky was strangely pink and purple and star-spangled. And that’s nothing but unbearable.

She grits her teeth. Emptiness. She thinks of emptiness. It’s fitting for what she has to do.

“Ahem. Clover Daffodil Mellifera Milk-Baker Park,” she says with soft precision. Every name counts.

Clover sets back her wings and blinks innocently.

“No, You’re not in trouble. You have been a kind, loyal, and loving palisman.” Willow kisses between her bulging eyes. “This is about something else.” Willow glances at Hunter, who has returned to his fuming, further flattening the red grass into the dirt with each back and forth.

“Clover, I think you already know,” Willow’s words get sticky and her tongue gets thick, “Flapjack isn’t coming around to play anymore. But I need to tell you— officially tell you— that Flapjack is gone. And that Hunter was too, for several heartbeats that didn’t happen. Do you hear me?”

Clover nods, confused.

“So I don’t know what you need to do now, but I did what I’m supposed to.”

Hunter has stopped walking. He grips his wrist tight, as if his hand plots against him.

“Why would you do that, right in front of me? When you know—” He can’t finish the thought. He doesn’t need to. His whole body completes the sentence. When you know that I am raw from becoming this so recently. And underneath that, so deep he hasn’t excavated it yet, is Why would you hurt me? 

Willow wants to scream at him. She wants to let her powers grow wild. It would feel awful. It would feel so good. She knows it would be for nothing. It would only hurt him even more. So she swallows it all and tenses her stomach.

“Because,” her voice is measured, with all the strain of a seawall holding back the ocean. “Of all the things in the Owl House for the Emperor’s Coven to leave behind, guess what? Luz found this stupid book from Eda’s most recent pile of trash that says if you don’t tell bees when someone close to you dies, the bees will die too.”

She blinks at Hunter, her breathing as shallow as his. He blinks back. 

She remembers how she cornered him into silence when they first met. He had been stubborn and wrong about her then, just as he is now.

“And I don’t even know if that’s true, but I’m not taking that risk, because what kind of captain would I be if I let us lose anyone else?”

This is when she would hold him close in a back-cracking hug if it weren’t for the barbs and shards they had just scattered between themselves.

“Here.” She can hardly look at him. There’s too much happening on his face that neither of them want to see. “Clover can keep you company again.”

Clover buzzes as she changes hands, adding to the static as Willow and Hunter’s fingers almost brush.

It sounds like Hunter mumbles “I’m sorry,” but Willow might have imagined it. It’s too fantastic, too in line with what she wants to hear from him right now.

The bee has been told. Willow focuses her thoughts on other things. Camila and Gus are waiting for her to finish telling that story about her abominations homework. She goes back inside before Hunter can say anything else to break her heart.

—

I saw the phrase “telling the bees” and was like, I know a bee! Thanks @paopujuice for reading first! I mostly have drabbles in me nowadays but glad they still work.

Not pictured: Luz cracking open the beat-up copy of “Apiculture for the Befuddled” (now with CD-ROM!) and going “omigosh omititan, WILLOW!” as Amity is very confused.

Also not pictured: Willow throwing the same furiously orange book at Hunter’s cosplay-booted feet. (Just his luck, it opens to the page about common birds that are apivorous, such as house demons and cardinals.)

[depressedhatakekakashi]

Bookshop Worker Gai au

The first time Kakashi visits the bookshop he walks in, claims a book within five minutes, pays, and walks out. All without saying a single word to gai

The second time he visits he does the same thing, except when he hands Gai his book to purchase Gai decides to take a risk and ask for the cute strangers name. When Kakashi doesn’t give it to him right away he informs him he can’t sell books to someone without a name

Kakashi could take offense and complain, but instead he finds this weird dude ransoming his book for his name intriguing

The third time he visits, Kakashi hovers around the till for five minutes listening to Gai chatter until he finally rings him up, and never once asks him to ‘hurty up’ or ‘get on with it’s like other customers tend to

This goes on for months until one day while Gai is ringing him up and chatting his ear off Kakashi points to the essay he’s working on and asks what it is he’s studying

Five minutes of regular chatter turns into thirty minutes of passionate explanation of his chosen area of study, and not once does Kakashi look like he’s getting bored or wanting to escape this conversation

In fact, he’s loving it. He still looks rather board, but that’s his default expression

[firespirited]

I got to give belly scritches to both ginger cats this morning but my phone crashed right as I tried to get photos (I think it might be model specific, the LG G5 crashes repeatedly if the charge is under 60% and will not start at all if it's under about 45). They also played with the string of the dog lead before getting distracted with a brotherly play fight.

I've been stuck unable to craft or do much except rest after pulling my left shoulder somehow. Neck neuralgia is so stupid. Arm hurty so gonna make your eyes not work and woopsie doo brain feels too big for the back of your cranium in a way that's going to ramp up into pain so odd it'll feel like you don't have a body just a big ache that outlines the exact shape of your skull from the inside.

Felt sane enough to try a little konmari without throwing out baby and bath with the bathwater. I could tell the difference between aesthetic enjoyment and nostalgia, personal spark vs rarity/sunk cost but it passed within five minutes. I was looking at newer monster highs and some work in progress that can't currently be finished that I've displayed with mixed dolls and couldn't get the clarity and then doubts took over.

So next time: fully dressed dolls among their similar shaped/unfinished 'peers' and try again.

Still not doing the craft supplies, it's too fraught. It could really do with some reorganising but I could so very easily give away all the painstakingly collected stashes because of the uncertainty that comes with neck injury and the big worry that comes with the pain.

Like I'm currently struggling with taps (faucets?) and spreading butter so everything handicraft related feels slightly threatening. There's no pressure except a very limited amount of personal space and clutter blindness.

Paperwork and email inbox sorting is on hold because it got out of hand and is going to take some courage 😂😁

Getting registered to vote is proving difficult: they want paperwork to prove I lived in British addresses from before I was ten: they have my birth certificate and passport details but I wasn't exactly on the bills or receiving official mail as a kid. If they really cared, they could see my NHS records but I suspect they want 'expats' only not emigrants, the types with a second home, double citizenship or who left after retirement. It was open to any brits but they want proof of diplomas (16+), work payslips and bills. I had a bank account at 7 (granddad felt it was a very important rite of passage to have one even though I didn't get an allowance) but that doesn't count either. Frustrating.

I'm very fond of late winter, the skies are spectacular and you get to see the frost sparkle as the sun rises. I don't mind wearing double socks because there are no mosquitos. The slap in the face that is cold wind makes any heated building feel magically cozy and the birds make a racket up til 7 thirty. Even saw what looked like a bat this morning but I don't know what they eat in this weather or if they hibernate. Off to wikipedia.

[bukvarsbitch]

happy 25 songs of paul f. days!

day 4: "what kind of problems (does an irish cart tart have?)" from the final off book (#52)

i love this song so much; i also forgot how iconic melissabeth is after this one, so go give it a listen if you haven't. this song features an iconic thing in musical improv that makes me laugh every time: two people trying to sing the same thing at the same time without having a clear idea what the other one's doing, just a general one. also, the entire fucking witch sequence is so out of no where but i adore it. this is the last song from this episode, but if you haven't listened, i'd recommend it, especially if you've listened to the year before this ep (and even if you haven't!).

fav bits!

"tAHP of the morning to yA! it's me: caHRL tart!"

*cup rattle* "i'm sorry i fell down!"

"as long as we've known you, you've been an irish man. that's what this timeline has" "ahh tis true, tis true" *wheezing*

"i just like to go on scott's show and talk about the troubles"

the troubles irish cart has: sometimes, he doesn't want to get out of bed; sometimes, he gets an ache inside of his head; sometimes, he sees his shoe's untied; and sometimes, his dear old mother has died

"i'll tEHL you some mORE of my trAHBLES"

some more troubles irish carl tart has: sometimes, his dry cleaning is late; sometimes, he's broken his favorite plate; sometimes, he's fell into a ditch; and sometimes, he's been cursed by a witch

"tis a sad tale.. i wAS WALKING" and the entire witch scene

"i saw a witch and thought, all right"

jess' weird little into the woods-esque witch of irish carl tart <3

"you are cursed forevermore— that you can't go inside a sneaker store!"

"that's me sAD story"

"paul f. tompkins— notable zoo keeper"

"i don't know, there's no chorus, so it really doesn't feel like something you're interested in"

"what kind of troubles does a zookeeper paul f. tompkins have" at the same time as "does a zookeeper pft have" and how it takes zach and jess like three times to realize that one of them should wait

the troubles zoo keeper pft has: the monkeys often won't stay off the rails; it's often hard to get the penguins into the tophand tails; sometimes, he just feels like he needs a break; and, sometimes, he's gotta go and find a snake

"they're not a problem for everyone!" "no?" "i'm irish"

the troubles firefighter eliza has (except for fire): it can get pretty hot because of her, but not (not not) because of her fire; sometimes she just wants to shout "help me!"

"i feel like you're more self-sufficient than that eliza" "that's what people think, but it's not true!"

the troubles ghost podcast scott has: he has to dig up graves; his hands get really hurty; he's super super dirty; the bones smell bad; he's got a weird relationship with his ghost dad (not bill cosby! a different one!)

"but we have these guests in a line; and now i think we're out of time. forthisfirsthalf" *laughter*

[bluealexa]

Been playing talos principle 2 lately, very near endgame I think.

First, a gameplay review - much easier than the first game in certain keys ways. The first one had a few puzzle elements that could kill you (reset the puzzle! Even if you were mostly done!) and some of them had anxiety inducing beeps when near you. So far I haven't found any such elements in the sequel. Lots and lots of puzzle elements and difficult puzzles, but I rarely die (usually a fall from a great height and it's fully on me... Except when the anti grav elements confuse the fuck out of me.) and only sometimes have to reset a puzzle because I soft locked myself out of a solution.

I never finished the first game because I could never cope well enough with certain puzzles to finish enough to unlock an ending. I love how much philosophy was tied up in the first games lore and I've heard about the different possible endings - but I have no emotional connection with those endings because even reading a guide I simply cannot get to any ending of that game.

Talos principle 2 though - I won't say I haven't read guides when stuck. Often enough it's that I misunderstood a puzzle element and even a small hint would get me on the right track (like when I was determined to solve one a particular way but I couldn't get the parts over where I wanted it - found a thread where someone did what I was trying to do and it didn't solve it anyway! So I backed down and looked for a new solution and found it 5 min later.)

But oh man the philosophy. There's so much lore, either in conversations with characters or to read off a screen or little voice note time capsules left for you. Bonus, if you have hurty hands, these are little breaks to sit the controller down and just listen.

The philosophy tied up in the lore is so amazingly captivating. I love it so much.

And so far still no puzzle elements I cannot tolerate. Not even on the optional puzzles that are just there to unlock other special things which I expect I'll get to after I get a clear of the main game.

I don't know yet if there are multiple different endings but I love that certain dialogue trees that ask me to state my opinion of the philosophical questions have sometimes 6 or more answers. I get to indicate my level of optimism about the problems, my level of determination to believe in the beauty of the universe, my tolerance of existential pessimism on the society level (hey it's fine if you're a pessimistic person but if society gets pessimistic then everyone loses the will to try to improve and that fucking sucks).

[goon-account]

before hitting my bad leg very hard i could get away with no mobility aid if i wanted two usable hands but rn i can't exactly put weight on it bc very hurty so two crutches it is

also i dropped a donut from me plate while awkwardly hopping towards the nearest table :(

my dinar (except for 1 dropped donut which i devoured upon noticing) (and one crutch thats visible bc after putting the foods on a table i hopped towards where my crutches r to fetch them n left them leaning on various furniture for a moment while taking the pic)

guess who hit their bad leg with a door very hard again

[calpalsworld]

Fart, N00bly, and Snake absolutely turned out less ironic than the Milky_Dad and Gaylord_Steambath ones, but I still think they're pretty biblically accurate.

[uniformbravo]

watching vine comps, for research

[chaos-gremlin]

For me it numbs all except the hurties sadly

Hmm

I know

*hands you a bottle of bourbon*

bingus

dingahs

[skin-slave]

I hate being sick. My brain is all

This is fucking boring!!! Let's doooooo something!!!

and my body is like

If you move more than 5" you will know my wrath.

[zoeykallus]

Tech Oneshot – Oblivious

Tech x GN!Reader Oneshot

Warning: Angsty/Hurty/Fluffy/ Oblivious Tech / Nervous Tech

______________

Author's Comment:

This guy lives rent-free in my head, and so there are a thousand scenarios in which he appears. This is one of them. Tech doesn't get the reader's hints until his brothers help him. But even then, his conclusion is flawed.

______________

Oblivious

You've been traveling with the Bad Batch for a while now. Actually, it was more pleasant than you expected, the guys were decent. But one thing frustrated you a lot by this time. You had fallen head over heels for the pilot, the genius, Tech. The frustrating thing was that he didn't understand any of your innuendos, he took everything way too literally and apparently there was no room for innuendo in his understanding because he overlooked every attempt. By now everyone knew what was going on except him. If there had been potted plants on the Marauder, even they would have known what was going on before Tech did.

What you didn't know, however, was that his brothers had taken him aside and informed him, quite directly and without any subtlety. The next time you were alone with him and came into the cockpit where he was packing up his tools, he turned when he heard your footsteps. He towered over you by quite a bit, his slender figure tucked into his gear was smeared with machine oil on some parts.

"Y/N, good to have you here. I think we should talk," he said, pushing his goggles up the bridge of his nose with the index finger of his right hand.

Surprised, you looked at him, but nodded and said, "Okay, sure, I'm all ears."

Tech thought for a moment before saying, "Hunter and Echo approached me about a topic that was beyond my understanding"

You frowned thoughtfully and gave a soft "aha", of your own.

"Well, if I understood correctly" he continued, looking at you scrutinizingly "Then you harbor certain feelings for my person. Is that correct?"

Your heart suddenly leapt into your throat and seemed to occupy your vocal cords, for at first little more than a nervous croak came from your mouth.

His big golden brown eyes looked at you uncertainly.

"Y/N?"

"Um, yeah, yeah right," you finally said after clearing your throat, even though you had thought for a moment about lying and evading the situation.

He blinked and seemed to be thinking about his next words, and something about his expression made your insides want to tighten and knot.

"The thing is, I can't return those feelings," he finally spoke softly.

Your throat became incredibly tight, your legs became unspeakably heavy, and you wished you had lied to escape the situation.

You just looked at him silently, not knowing what to say.

"It wouldn't be appropriate for us to be a couple. I wasn't made to be in a relationship and our lives don't leave much room for-"

"It's okay" you interrupted him "You don't have to explain yourself or make excuses. I get it."

You smiled, but even though Tech had his problems with interpersonal issues, he could see that your smile didn't reach your eyes.

"I'm not looking for excuses, Y/N I'm just trying to-"

"It's okay. I'll back off. I have other things to do anyway."

You didn't, and you both knew it.

"Like what? "he asked innocently.

"Something private, that's my business," you grumbled, annoyed that you didn't have a better excuse, and hurried out of the cockpit.

You sat by the river not too far from the Marauder, but far enough to be out of sight and have your peace for the time being. For a while, you fought the urge to cry, but eventually, a few tears flowed anyway, which you angrily wiped away.

You were angry, at yourself and also at the others who had more or less ratted you out to Tech. But actually you knew that they had only wanted to help. That had backfired now, though.

You cursed inside that you felt so small and lonely, now that you knew he didn't return your feelings. How were you supposed to work with him or travel with the guys now? It would just be weird to stay, you thought sadly, and thought about how best to say goodbye to the boys and go your way again.

When Hunter entered the cockpit, he found a Tech who appeared to be a bit off, indecisively turning his datapad in his hands.

"What's the matter with you? You seem spaced out."

Tech looked up and said, "I was talking to Y/N because of the feelings we were talking about"

Hunter raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"Oh. Seems to me the response was less than good, or why are you sitting here alone?"

"I told Y/N that I can't return the feelings".

Hunter looked at him incredulously.

"Why the hell would you do something like that? You told me and Echo that you felt the same way about Y/N".

Tech nodded.

"Well, I do. But it's not advisable to give in to that, not with the way we live. Besides, I have no experience and probably wouldn't be the right partner"

Hunter sighed and knelt down to Tech, who was sitting on the floor of the cockpit.

"Tech" he began "We clones often live very short lives, experience is hard to come by, hardly any of us do. Very few of us are as lucky to have someone take an interest in us as Y/N takes an interest in you. That's special and you shouldn't let that pass you by, that would be the real mistake."

Tech blinked.

"What if I can't make Y/N happy?"

"You think breaking Y/N's heart is better?"

Again he blinked.

"I would never break Y/N's heart!" he said, horrified.

Hunter grabbed his brother's shoulders and said, "You did today, though, by saying you couldn't return the feelings. Y/N certainly didn't take that the way you meant it, no one would have taken it that way, not with those words."

Unhappy, Tech asked, "What am I supposed to do now?"

Hunter shrugged his shoulders and said, "In the end, that's your decision, but if you want my opinion, I'd say go to Y/N, tell the truth about your feelings, the rest will follow. You'll see."

When you heard footsteps, you hastily wiped the tears from your face and fervently hoped that your eyes were not red.

You heard Tech's voice ask, "May I join you?"

You answered without looking at him, "I'd rather be alone."

"Please" he said softly, sounding a little nervous "I want to talk to you"

"What if I don't want to talk to you?" you asked defiantly.

Tech sighed softly and sat down next to you anyway before saying "You don't really mean that".

It felt strange to sit next to him, you longed to just lean against him, wrap your arms around him. But of course you did nothing of the sort.

"What do you want?" you asked instead, a little more harshly than you'd planned.

"To apologize" he said softly "I gave the wrong impression earlier".

You frowned. You weren't quite sure what he was getting at.

"I'm sorry, but I don't understand," you admitted.

Tech cautiously moved a little closer and confusion spread through your mind. Somehow, it all didn't quite fit together.

"I've had feelings for you for a long time, just like you have for me," he finally blurted out.

Slowly you turned your head to look at him. He shyly avoided your gaze and you could see his ears turning red.

"Then why did you say earlier that you couldn't return my feelings?" you wanted to know.

He explained: "I meant that I shouldn't, because I thought that... I thought I wasn't cut out for it. I don't have any experience as far as that goes, and I thought-"

You gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek, which instantly silenced him.

You heard a soft "Oh" pass his lips before he sought your gaze.

Your hand went to the back of his neck as his face came closer, you both closed your eyes and your lips finally touched. You heard him sigh softly and smiled into the kiss. Your other hand went into his hair, he opened his lips slightly, letting out a soft gasp as your fingers gently caressed the skin of his head and stroked through his hair.

You seized the moment and gently slipped your tongue into his mouth. He moaned into the kiss as your tongues touched. His hands automatically grabbed your hips and pulled you onto his lap. He shivered under your hand in his hair and the kiss you shared. When you broke away from the kiss, he looked at you through half-closed lids.

"My heart is beating very fast," he said softly.

You smiled.

"Mine too"

@chxpsi

@mybigfatspoonielife

@clone-whore-99

@the-sith-in-the-sky-with-diamond

@nunanuggets

@brynhildrmimi

[cinnamonest]

Oo how about the boys with aftercare💕

I think on a scale Zhongli would be the best in this situation and scaramouche is probably the worst :(

Oh you're absolutely correct. If we had to break it down into categories it would more or less look like:

Does so by default, goes above and beyond without needing to be told: Zhongli, Thoma

Does so by default but at what cost: Bennett

Does not automatically think to do it himself but will rush to do so if prompted, does well: Kazuha, Venti

Does not automatically think to do it himself but will rush to do so if prompted, does a moderately good job but needs some guidance: Chongyun, Gorou

'I already apologized for bruising your insides :( what more do you want :( why are you mad at me just cuddle with me :(': Childe

*is already asleep*: Diluc

'You know what what will make you feel better? :)' (spoiler alert, it won't) : Kaeya

Tries his best, but honestly is awful at it, poor thing: Albedo

Gets someone else to do it: Xingqiu

Gets someone else to do it + paranoid pessimist who gets all hurty bc he overthinks it: Scaramouche

'???? After-what': Razor, Xiao

----

You're right in that Zhongli would definitely be among the best, I want to say he's about tied with Thoma. Both naturally have high perception to your pains and discomforts, so they can tell when you need it (even if you might not yourself).

Zhongli is more for things like blankets and other physical comforts, not to mention he's good at verbally comforting you too. His voice just has a way of calming you down if you're panicked or disoriented, and lifting you up if you experience any kind of post-coital depressive issues. Also, if anything was particularly rough, and he's aware of it, you get baths. It's really nice, actually, warm water is very helpful in regards to physical pains and is emotionally comforting as well, so it's a highly soothing method of showing care for you. He's well-aware of the effect it has on you, and to some extent he takes a bit of pride in knowing that he can read you and your needs very well, and meet them perfectly.

----

Thoma, on the other hand, goes for food and water as a primary source of showing care. It's what he's best at, so it's just what comes naturally. He knows your favorite things, and thus doesn't need to be told what to bring you, he just sort of kisses your forehead and mumbles something about how he'll be right back, and returns with this or that. That is, provided it's simple, since actually cooking would take too much time, so basically it's whatever small simple things you like. And lots of water! You need to stay hydrated, you know... overall though, he's actually fairly confident in his own ability to care for you, to watch you and determine that you're alright and that you don't need anything else by the time he's done (besides cuddling, which can be provided once he puts everything away and comes back to bed).

----

Bennett tries. He really does. It just so happens that it seems that whatever higher power is determining this poor boy's luck has decided that every attempt to care for you will be ruined. He tried to make you food, but it caught fire... he went to get you a glass of water, and ended up apologizing while soaking it up off the ground and picking up the shards... oh, here's an idea! He can kinda just slightly warm up his hands without actually producing fire, it can act as a heating pad if you're hurting... except he actually does end up going a bit too hot and now you have a burn. Honestly you reach a point where you're more afraid of aftercare than any sex act itself. Poor thing though, at least he's trying.

----

It's not a lack of consideration, Venti just gets really tired post-orgasm, so his natural instinct is just to sort of lay there with you, close to drifting off to sleep... but the moment he hears you sort of grunt or grimace or feels you stiffen with any sort of pain, he sort of opens one eye to get a look, and realizes from your face that you're hurting somehow. To be honest, sex with him isn't very likely to hurt you in the first place, as he tends to be gentle-to-moderate in terms of roughness, but occasionally a certain position might hurt your back or knees or the like. And he leaps at the opportunity to do anything to endear himself to you, so he'll go get anything he thinks might help, be it alcohol or painkillers or whatever you need. However, note that he really likes praise, so honestly he's hoping in his mind that you'll be really happy about it and thank him or something, and will likewise be disappointed if you don't.

----

With Kazuha, on the other hand, isn't an issue with getting tired, so much as he is frustratingly unaware of his own strength and roughness, so he doesn't realize the difference between "slow gentle missionary where you're pretty much fine afterwards" versus "that was so rough that you're not going to walk normally for several days and will probably grimace every time you move." It's not until you're clutching your lower stomach with pain on your face and in your voice that he realizes it might have been too hard... likewise, he leaps at the opportunity, thinking you'll forgive him and maybe even be happy with him for doing something, and besides, he hates seeing you in pain (during refractory periods where he can't get aroused by it only), so he'll come back with food and water and whatever else is available to him... which to be honest, isn't usually a whole lot, but he's making an effort, and that's what counts, right? For the most part, it's a lot of verbal and physical comfort, gently rubbing you where it's needed, giving you forehead kisses and generally expressing affection, which he hopes helps both with your physical pain and helping to bring your out of any negative headspace.

----

Chongyun is very... not confident he's doing the right thing, so he's very panicked if you show any signs of a "drop" in which you become low-responsive or tired or quiet. He's paranoid about having hurt you in the first place, especially if he's coming out of a manic state and has to realize what just happened and doesn't know the details of exactly what he might have done. So he's direct, asks you if you're okay (lots of little apologies too), asks you what you need. And generally, he does just that, sticks to what you tell him exactly. But he will pick up some extra things too -- you were saying you wanted another pillow, well, he also got you a glass of water while he was up... that sort of thing. His nervousness can be a bit cute, really, if you have the mental clarity in the moment to observe him fretting as he does. He has to ask a million times if you're okay and if you need anything else... it can get a little bit annoying, sure, but you tell yourself it's better than someone who wouldn't care.

----

Gorou is similar, he's not sure if he's going about it right. He doesn't think to do so at first, he's still just basking in euphoria from it all when he realizes that you're either very quiet and distant and still, indicating some sort of drop, or you might be grimacing in some pain. Unfortunately, he realizes only afterwards that oh, whoops, he didn't mean to, but it looks like he did accidentally sink his teeth into your shoulder without realizing what he was doing, sorry. It didn't break the skin, but he'll happily sort of massage the pained area for you, hold you close and apologize and murmur words of comfort. The only issue is that if you want him to, like, get something, such as food or water or get up and run a bath or the like, you'll have to wait a few minutes... the knot takes time to swell down, so he literally cannot physically pull out of you without causing you both immense pain for five minutes or so. But once he can, he'll rush to get what you need.

----

Childe, like most people, tends to think of how to help others from the perspective of his own experience. When considering what others want, we humans tend to determine this by thinking of what WE would want, as it is our best frame of reference, and he's no different... so, cuddling should work. In fact, he can experience a bit of a drop himself sometimes post-coitus, so it becomes an issue of balancing you needing whatever you need, and him desperately needing comfort himself. Ugh, fine, he'll get up and get something if you need him to, but... just let him come back and let him hold you. Except then you need something else and he has to go get that too... okay this time let him hold you... eventually he just sort of whines and says it'll be fine, promise you'll feel a lot better if you just let him do this... and it's much worse if you're mad about him going too rough, or especially give him a cold shoulder. He already apologized! Can't you be sweet now? It wasn't that big of a deal! He basically shoots himself in the foot with his words... and if you do something like turn your back to him, it just makes his own "drop" worse, feels like a knife to the heart, and he himself ends up getting quiet and hurt... usually this is resolved by you giving him the attention he wants. He's good at that sad puppy face that makes you cave to the guilt-tripping every time.

----

Diluc is one of those guys that just. Out like a light the moment orgasm dies down. A lot of the time he doesn't even get to pull out of you, and more unfortunately, also does not roll over to the side, no. Your chest makes a nice pillow, he thinks. You, on the other hand, do not think his entire bodyweight makes a good blanket. Quite the crushing one actually. So you have to beat on his back a bit with your hands before he kinda grumbles and slides off of you, just to pull you back into an iron-grip spooning embrace. And you say something to him, say that you're really sweaty and want a shower or something, or that you're thirsty or hungry or want something heated to put on your throbbing insides, but you only get heavy, half-snore breathing in response. Literally out in less then 10 seconds. Don't worry though, whenever he wakes up from the nap, he'll be a lot more receptive and will get you whatever you need. But until then, you're not getting what you need unfortunately, because his grip is tight enough to prevent you from getting up either.

----

Kaeya and Albedo have the same mentality, but different solutions.

For Kaeya, his solution is the thing that solves all of his own problems and pains... copious amounts of alcohol! Really, it'll make it super easy to go to sleep. Sore? Here, have some. Here, have some more. And so on it goes. That being said, if you're getting wasted, so is he (no this totally wasn't an excuse to drink... not JUST an excuse to drink at least, he was genuinely trying to help), so you'll basically end up drunkenly falling asleep together. Which just turns out to be a problem of its own when you wake up with a horrendous hangover, head throbbing and limbs feeling like concrete. At which point, though, you're both suffering. The thing is, he tends to overdramatize any sickness or pain in an attempt to get some affection out of you because it's one of the only ways he knows how to get you to. So while he's the one to actually do things, and will get up and get you both coffee and water or whatever your hangover cure of choice is, YOU end up being the one to get pity-fished into being comforting. But hey, suffering together is kinda romantic in a way, you know...

----

Albedo approaches it very... mechanically. This does not combine well with the fact that he is probably one of the ones for whom you'll need aftercare the most, given all the sadistic and weird kinks you've undoubtedly been forced into. You'll have to tell him, say you're not feeling good or that something hurts. Not that he doesn't want to help you if you need it, it just doesn't cross his mind until you tell him, he'll just go back to normal otherwise. He's weird about that, if you don't do anything or say anything, he can just go from highly intense sex to just talking about something completely unrelated in his normal voice as if that didn't just happen within the span of 20 seconds. But he'll help you without hesitation, of course... he just sees it as a list of requirements to be met. Dehydration - treat with water. Sore spot - something heated up. Skin chaffed - ointment of some kind. It feels mechanical and can consequently feel impersonal and cold, although he's not intending it to. And to be honest, he's awful at trying to be verbally comforting. But he tries, and you can feel that he is genuinely concerned and putting effort in, so that counts for something.

----

What's the point in having family servants if you're not gonna utilize them? It's not hard. Ugh, honestly Xingqiu's family probably has those little attendant handbells they can hold up and ring and someone will come to the door, it's so obnoxiously upper class it could make you roll your eyes. But yes, thankfully they know better than to actually barge in by default (it happened once, now they know to knock to make sure you're both decently clothed), so he just speaks through the door and tells them to get a bath going or bring you two food or drinks or whatever. Honestly it's just as much of an enjoyment for him as it is for you, since he also gets to enjoy the benefits of it all... but that being said, should you be in a mental state that he can tell is abnormal, he still puts effort into physical and verbal comfort, and although the words themselves are teasing and comforting, you can always sense a nervousness in it, as if he's afraid that he's not doing or saying the right things.

----

The Fatui serve the same purpose as servants for Scaramouche, on the other hand. It's not like he's gonna actually stand up and go do it himself, surely you wouldn't expect that of him... well, you do, at least in the way you phrase it, you ask him if he can get you this or that. His eyes narrow and he sort of sighs as if annoyed, before walking over to the door and carrying on your message to whichever unfortunate grunt has been assigned to guard the hall. But you can't help but notice that the very request seems to have upset him in some way... even once what you wanted is dropped off, his voice has something like... no, not irritation, more like bitterness, actually, roughly hands it over to you with a flat-toned 'here.' It's especially so if you were angry or cold when you gave the request, if you were clearly upset with him over hurting you or the like... see, regardless of which one it is, he tends to have a lot of pessimistic paranoias, and overthinks everything to the extent that he reads too deeply into things to find some negative conclusion or deeper implication, even when there really is none. In reality, you really, truly just wanted that thing, but in his mind, you were trying to get him to go away, weren't you. You were that desperate to get him out of your presence that you tried to find some way to do so just for a few minutes, you hate him that much, huh. So, yes, it's definitely not good, the most bothersome of your problems ends up being a bitter sulking manchild rather than any ache or pain.

----

I mean Razor and Xiao would try but like... they'll probably just make things worse.

Oh, you got dirt on you and your back has some scrapes and mild bleeding from bark while you were being railed up against a tree? You want cloth with water to wipe it down and hold onto the cut? Razor has better idea, carry (y/n) into river :) The (freezing cold, unable to see anything within bc it's the middle of the night but you know is filled with ambiguously unpleasant wildlife) flowing water will wash it off without any effort and all you have to do is stand there! Smart, isn't he? Alternatively, you get... a very special form of aftercare... if you can call it that. If you get scraped up he can just give you the cure-all treatment for wounds, a nice dose of aggressive licking. It works for the wolves, it stops bleeding, and mates often do it for each other.

----

Xiao also tries. It turns out to be a lot like the except it's less selfish and more that he's genuinely trying and just doesn't know what else to do. Oh, you are saying your insides hurt now and it's his fault. Sorry. Well... it's on your insides, right? So he can't do much, it's not like an external wound he could bandage up or put medicine on or something. But... whenever he comes back from fighting all hurt... he likes to lay beside you, you're warm and soft and it makes him feel a lot better, even if he's still hurting physically. So he can do what he always does whenever anything whatsoever is wrong: sit behind you, rest his head on your shoulder, and squeeze you tight. And sit like that for a while. Except said squeezing is literally right on the bruised spot and you have to get him to reposition his arms five times before realizing it's just not worth it and it's better to just ignore the soreness and try to sleep. Oh, but don't complain too much, or else he might get into one of his moods where he thinks you're trying to overexaggerate it or lie for some ulterior motive, and start questioning you on just how you're planning to use this situation to run away...

[dollypopup]

#sorry these tags are about to get choppy and jumpy i'm just dumping as i'm reading#dude this is the most refreshing thing i've read in a long time#and also really difficult to Look At because i have always tried to see the good of pen's actions even when I consciously know they're not#but you have put them all on FULL display here#**even ones i didn't realise**#i love pen for all her flaws and complications. it's what makes her a great character#i feel like these things were all just niggling at the nape of my neck waiting for realisation and this deep dive has given me that opp#“Penelope was the antagonist in Marina's. But she is also the hero in her own.”#holy shit#despite pen being so very clearly selfish in both seasons i was still rooting for her#and like that in itself is so interesting#pen's trust issues and emotinoal trauma are so blatantly obvious and directly effect some potentially really incredible things for her#her friendship with marina in this case - the two of them could have had each other's back in the harsh featherington household#not telling colin the truth about her feelings or marina#also the inability to trust eloise with LW#AND THEN you whip out the colin analysis#fuck me the fuck up#the poor guy just wants to be heard. my empathetic treasure. he's trapped in a soundproof glass box.#For Colin love is being honest. Love is being earnest. Love is being upfront.” DOLLY#how am i to carry on#“If you had simply come to me and told me of your situation I would have married you without a second thought”#kills me every fucking time#he's just so good#just let him win pls#s3 better soothe my (and his) hurtie heart#i love that you brought up the fact that pen doesn't voice the things she wants/her opinions/etc.#and that's a huge reason why things don't work out for her#season 3 about to be about being loud. taking accountability. being honest. and communication. and if it's not i'll fight.#give these kids some happy times and emotional resolutions (personal and romantic thank you)#ohmygod another layer:#pen being invisible but having her voice heard through Whistledown#and Colin is very much visible (he’s a bridgerton) and despite this visibility no one can hear him

these are some INCREDIBLE tags @flamedork !!! omg especially the 'season 3 is about being loud. taking accountability. being honest. and communication.' IT DAMN WELL BETTER BE!!!!

tbh the contrast (dare i say mirror reflection?) between Penelope and Colin, in which Colin is hypervisible in public but ultimately ignored overall and Penelope is invisible in public but her voice is the one that permeates the entire ton is so fascinating to explore. For all Colin's privileges, he is all but *screaming* to be noticed (for who he actually is) and is ultimately denied, and for all of Penelope's hardships, she is *purposefully* hiding herself away whilst being the narrator of the show. when you write about him being in a soundproof glass box, i FELT that. Colin's out here banging on the walls and wailing for someone, anyone to notice he isn't okay, and no one does. (except for Benedict, very briefly, when Colin's handing off the 'magic' tea to him in S2 (he said it was good to quiet 'the doubts, the questions that seem to linger no matter how far you go to escape them' '. . .are you quite well, brother?' but as quickly as it's there, it's gone) the only time he's at the front of anyone's mind (him, not as part of a collective, but Colin himself) is when he's being the hero. serving other people's needs. bruh has been in his own glass case of emotion for the last two seasons and it's finally gonna shatter in S3 and i cannoT WAIT

Marina, Polin, and the False Narrative of Good Intentions

or: Fanon has Failed You

we're taking a real deep dive, babes.

bring a snorkel

Episode 1:

We are introduced to Bridgerton, Lady Whistledown first. She has the very first lines, talking about the new debutantes coming before the queen. Penelope expresses immense nervousness about this, even after Prudence faints and she writes of the blunder in her sheet, likely grateful she doesn't have to spend too much time on herself when she can highlight Prudence's fainting. In the very first mention of Marina, it's a conversation between Portia and Lady Cowper, about how Portia is taking Marina, a 'distant cousin of my husband's' in as an act of 'charity'. LC replies that she has always been quite charitable, which Portia exclaims is what Lady Whistledown should have written about, instead of 'erroneously writing that she shall only have three ladies under her care.'

That's when Penelope comes to Portia with a plea, using Marina's upcoming arrival as an excuse for her to defer.

"Unless you should like to have only 3 young ladies under your care, I should gladly sit this season out." "Penelope is nervous" "I am not nervous, Mama-" "What she is is two stone heavier than she aught to be." Phillipa: "Mmm, those blemishes on her face are quite difficult to conceal. Perhaps some lead and arsenic would help" "Should you allow me to defer but a year, just as Lady Bridgerton has done for Eloise, I may remain dedicated to my studies"

she is denied. Portia dismisses Marina to Lady Cowper, talking about how she couldn't be competition with her daughters. Marina walks in and Penelope, as though in relief, says "Oh, she's beautiful."

Because Penelope, as of this moment, only sees Marina as a tool with which to get what she wants: invisibility. We know that's what she wants based on her and Eloise's conversation in the daffodils, in which she tells her

Penelope: "No one truly notices me. I suppose that is what I like. When you are invisible, you can have all the amusement you want without any of the expectations popularity brings. It. . .frees you.” Eloise: “Do you think that is why Whistledown remains anonymous?” Penelope: “Perhaps.”

Lady Whistledown and Marina, in this moment in time, have the exact same purpose: they serve as shields. Shields that keep Penelope from being seen, from being noticed, and hopefully to give her more time. Penelope is grateful for this, LW starts taking shots at the Queen by taking shots at Daphne, saying she was falling from the grace of being named the diamond. Instead, she thrusts Marina to the forefront of the ton, declares her the true diamond, and sits relatively gratefully through Marina's flurry of attention.

Until it comes to Colin. The scene in the Featherington drawing room in which Colin comes to Penelope after calling on Marina and says it's a 'most dreadful sonnet indeed', to which she quips her famous 'Lord Byron he is not', thus making Colin laugh before he bids her good day, and she looks at him on his way out. This has often been discussed as a scene in which Penelope is starstruck that she made him laugh, but I propose something else.

This?

This is a look of concern and sadness.

What Lady Cowper had said had been foreshadowing, now Marina is literal competition for the center of Penelope's affections.

Which, let's give him some POV here

Let's talk Colin

Even in episode one, Penelope at the ball was watching Colin, a look which is mirrored later on by how Colin looks at Marina for the first time, asking who she is. He quickly joins the dance floor right next to her, clearly curious. Curiosity is a huge part of Colin's character that often gets overlooked, in fact. His wanting to travel is rooted in it. His room is FULL of Greek mythology, the first place he visits is Greece. Colin is drawn to Marina's newness, and also how pretty she is. He likes her pretty naturally. And she also clearly likes him. Even after the other suitors slough off, Colin stays.

Marina isn't pretending, here. Look at her. She finds him funny, he's turned toward her. We find out later that she's been there for about a month, at this point. As far as Marina knows, she was sent there against her will, because she doesn't WANT to be with Portia and her snooty high society attitude. Even still, Colin acts as reprieve. He comes to visit her and cheers her, she likes a lot about him, in fact, as we learn later, but let's go back to episode 1, the now.

And then we see Marina accept (and mourn) the fact that she's pregnant.

This is why she didn't come to the Vauxhall Ball, claiming illness, and Varley brings Portia the clean sheets. Portia goes to confront Marina, she'd been there for over a month and hadn't bled, accuses her of 'revolting recklessness', says she'll keep it under wraps only so her own daughters won't suffer, and when Marina informs that she doesn't want any of this, in particular her hoity superiority, Portia slaps her.

Slaps her.

As horrible as Portia and the Featheringtons are to Penelope, they have never once laid a hand on her.

Marina is made Other from the first moment she walks on screen. She is unwelcome in the Featherinton house. Even Penelope really only cares about her insofaras she's useful. In fact, episode 1 is Penelope's first taste of what her debut would be like without Marina, and in it, Colin comes to her rescue when Cressida is being mean. Penelope didn't dance at the first ball Marina was at, but she *does* when Marina's gone.

For Marina, this is a horrible night. For Penelope, it's fantastic. Simon and Daphne even became a thing, and Penelope is seen observing them. Not only did she get to dance with Colin, but she also got her gossip. This proves she doesn't necessarily need or can utilize Marina as a shield.

From Episode 1, we see the start of the divide, even before anything else, the show pits them against one another.

Which takes us to Episode 2

We open with Penelope remarking that it is 'disturbing' and Phillipa and Prudence telling on her to Portia by informing that she has questions about Marina's condition. And then

"How did it happen, Mama? Is there to be a baby?"

"Why is Miss Thompson to be kept away?" "Because her condition is catching!" [to which Penelope responds with silent astonishment]

We then have her with Eloise, walking arm in arm as Eloise complains about Daphne and Simon, talking about how being pretty and having nice hair isn't an accomplishment, and that going to university is, essentially: a lament of societal misogyny. Penelope is not only clearly disengaged with her, but even exasperated. Eloise remarks that Penelope did not listen to a word she says, which is true, and Penelope ignores that, too, except to grab her by the elbow, and tell her that she knows someone with child, and that they're not married.

This conversation is comedic, yes, but it's also interesting considering we know Colin and Marina are involved, and that Penelope's curiosity for how Marina came to be with child doesn't stem from friendship with Marina, but rather desire and curiosity for how it affects Colin.

"She is not married" "How did she become with child if she's not married?" "I do not know. But I will find out." "You must! Otherwise, how can we make sure it never happens to us? We have accomplishments to acquire."

Penelope, even here, knows that they don't want the same accomplishments. There's a rift forming here, too. Penelope is a year ahead of Eloise, already out in society, and she's writing Lady Whistledown. As far as she's concerned, her accomplishments are to get married. Her opinion of being out in society has changed: she still wants to be invisible, but not to stay with Eloise, but instead to continue Lady Whistledown, and perhaps get married. She says so later in the series, in which she tells Eloise that people have mature problems, problems more important than some silly writer, problems like getting married.

But to who?

Three guesses.

Colin's next scene is when Eloise asks how babies are made, to which he gives his classic 'Have you ever visited a farm?' response, and cheekily teases that he and Benedict are off to take their sticks out, 'for a round of fencing!' and once again, though comedic, it's also meant to serve a second function: he becomes a suspect. That's a very dramatic way to put it, I know, but as of now, it's not revealed who the other half of Marina's bun in the oven is, and it very well *could* be Colin.

A fact Penelope likely suspects. So, she MUST know how babies are made, because she agrees with Eloise on this: she does have accomplishments to acquire. I propose to us that instead of the 'Penelope was so selfless! She would have let Colin marry Marina so long as Marina wasn't lying to him and trying to trap him' narrative, something a bit more complicated is afoot

Penelope wants Colin. She knows she can't get involved in his current romance with Marina, but she wants him all the same. The dance they shared solidifies that for her. They're friends, she's been in love with him since she met him, and now she's *able* to get married. And she wants it to be to him.

And all her actions from there are stained with that information, including the final reveal.

It's in the middle of Episode 2, well over a month that Marina's been in Mayfair, that we have our first scene of Penelope and Marina together. We open with Marina reading letters, tearstained in her hands.

She hides them immediately under the blankets and Penelope comes in saying she found some sweets and that Marina might be able to eat them when everyone else was off at the Ball. Marina, gratefully, invites her into the room so that they may share, to which Penelope is clearly pleased.

"I hear they have decided not to send you home to your papa." "I dare say he is relieved. I can only imagine how he will react to- "Your condition? Marina, may I ask- how did it happen?"

Penelope didn't come to Marina out of the goodness of her heart at all. She came to get information. Because curiosity is also an inherit part of Penelope's character, just as it is for Colin. Penelope's reasons for wanting to know are three fold: for the sake of knowing (it's good information to have, knowing how babies are made), for Whistledown if it's a good story, and for Colin.

Marina goes on a beautiful story about George, and we, at the same time as Penelope, realize Marina is still in love with her soldier boy, who she believes is in Spain, and in a moment of immense trust, passes the letters to Penelope for her to read.

But Penelope is only relieved. It settles two of the three, clears Colin from being the father and provides her good information for Whistledown, which she doesn't get publish, likely realizing that all the secrecy means it's a big deal, but she still doesn't know how one comes to be with child.

She laments this with Eloise immediately after. Snarks that Marina said it was 'Love' and Elosie informing that made no sense, to which Penelope agrees, saying her mama had 3 children and love had nothing to do with it. Eloise then asks, in a moment of empathy no one else has granted Marina,

"Well, what else did she say? Was she not frightened?" "More. . .sad, than frightened. But there may be a chance for her to have a happy ending yet, I suppose. She wants to escape to the country where she and her love may marry."

At this, Penelope is happy. She's glad that Marina will be out of the way and also that Marina will get to be with someone else. She isn't cruel, she wishes Marina well.

She just doesn't wish Marina well with Colin.

Episode 3 has Penelope running mail errands for Marina since Marina's in confinement. With no letter in hand, she delivers her the bad news, to which Marina clearly is despondent, wondering when a letter from Spain would arrive. Penelope soothes her by informing that he's on the front lines and it's difficult for letters. "If your love is as great as your previous letters state, surely he will write back to you soon. Or perhaps even better, he is already on his way back to you here, to come and take you home."

Penelope takes on her mother after she's caught with Marina and scolded, saying that Marina's been there for ages, and it isn't fair. She leaves, and Portia insists that Marina find a husband. There is no choice for denial, here, Portia makes that clear, and Penelope takes the news unhappily from the door.

Looks like she isn't out of the woods, yet.

Because even underlying Penelope's compassion, there's a second motive. Penelope is just like Portia: she wants Marina gone, too. She just has a different, very contrasting way of accomplishing that goal, but she's making strides toward it.

She writes of Marina rejoining society, that she will be at the new exhibit. When Portia tries introducing Marina to an older man, she silently pleads for Penelope to help her and she tries to come to her rescue. In the end, Marina tells him off herself, and Penelope and Marina are united against Portia. As of now, there is nothing that really contests them. Even still, Marina acts as something of a shield for Penelope, something she is sure to notice. With Marina in the house, Penelope receives less of Portia's cruelty, and even when she's scolded, Marina gets worse of it.

As of now, Marina and Colin were a brief flirtation that took place at the beginning of her coming to Mayfair. She enjoyed his company, but she's also not suffering without it, clearly uninterested in rejoining society or getting a husband who isn't George. Being pregnant has given Marina a new dream: one in which a man she loves will return from war to help her raise their family. Even if she was open to a new love at the start of the season, she clearly doesn't care or wants to find a husband who isn't George. She tells Portia as much, that she will not bow down to Portia's schemes. She has a man who loves her, and she intends to marry him.

Portia is the instigator here, even though fandom has made Marina the villain. PORTIA insists Marina go out in society. PORTIA writes the fake letter. PORTIA is who twists Marina's arm, verbally and physically abuses her, and locks her up until she can foist her onto some decrepit man and be done with her. PORTIA is who speaks aloud Marina's doubts of George not loving her back because he hasn't sent a letter to her.

Even though Penelope and Portia's goals are the same, their methods are MILES apart. Penelope *does* have compassion for Marina, wants her to have her love story with George, and she tries to help her because she recognizes it as the path of least resistance. Portia meddles far too much, which is her downfall every time.

When a 'letter from Spain' arrives, Penelope brings it to Marina and nervously asks what it says. She's excited for the confirmation that George loves Marina back and that he'll come to take her away or marry her. When Marina falls heavily to the bed, crying, Penelope asks if he'd been wounded. Marina tells her that he pretends there was nothing between them, that he desires nothing to do with "our- my situation."

Look at the expression on Penelope's face, here.

As Marina sobs, wails, Penelope picks up the letters to read them for herself and Portia congratulates her and Varley for their efforts, justifying that Marina had to learn the truth of men, eventually.

And then we're halfway through the season

Marina starts this halfway point as a new woman. When she mourned the idea of George, she mourned a failed love story, and she also mourned herself. When she said 'My situation' she accepted that the only person who would truly help her out of this is herself. She's inspected by Lord Rutledge terribly, he asks to see her teeth as Portia gives an elevator pitch, essentially making it seem that Marina was defective but, look, she has some good parts, too! Marina informs that she's had suitors calling all week (so we return to the romance situation at the beginning with a wide net) and Portia informs they'll take too long, considering so much time has passed. That she needs someone who won't ask questions when a baby comes out 3 months early, even if they married her the next day.

Obviously, Marina's in a horrible situation. This is nightmare levels of awful. She's been abused in so many ways, treated terribly. I don't think anyone could blame her for being upset. Penelope asks her if she'd like her to stay in, but Marina refuses, and Penelope doesn't push it. [Sidenote, this is also when Albion Finch comes to call on Phillipa, and we see Portia 'rewarded' (in her mind) for her efforts in keeping Marina out. She tells Mr. Finch that Marina isn't taking visitors, but he informs he's here to see Phillipa, to which Portia expresses wonder. To her, where her entire motivation is getting her daughters married, having seen Marina as an obstacle in such, she is vindicated through this]

Penelope and Eloise have another conversation, in which Penelope listens to Eloise talking about the house being abuzz w/ Daphne's prospects, to which Penelope says 'well, she *has* to marry eventually' after Eloise says she wishes Daphne would stay on the shelf forever so that Eloise doesn't have to be next in line [Eloise seeing Daphne very similarly to how Penelope saw Marina, in that way]. Eloise laments that she wants to fly, then praises Lady Whistledown as a brilliant woman of business, praise Penelope soaks up.

Penelope guides Eloise away from her attempts to rope her into schemes unmasking LW (who we now know is Penelope herself) and Eloise says she can tell her Mama she's sick and that she's caught what Marina has. Penelope informs that Marina is recovering, and that "It would be cruel of me not to be by her side when she comes back out. I shall cheer you on your endeavors, however."

The question is: has Penelope truly formed a friendship with Marina, or does she have a second reason, once again, for being beside Marina and keeping an eye on her when she re-enters once more?

Well, it surely means nothing that the next scene is Penelope and Colin having yet another moment. Surely.

Marina, being dangled about and clearly unhappy on the floor. Penelope, looking out to the ballroom. Colin comes behind her, to her delight, and talks about the host being fussy. "Do you think if he goes to bed, we all have to leave?" he asks, making Penelope laugh and clearly glad that he did so. To Colin, he likely imagines this to be the end of the correspondence, but Penelope surprises him. Like the first time, she opens up to him, shows him her wit, and they have a moment of snark, looking at each other for a beat too long after he compliments her with 'What a barb!'

Who breaks the moment? Penelope does. She doesn't continue. She doesn't take the compliment and run with it, she doesn't prolong the conversation. She looks down, and Colin changes the subject, sensing she's perhaps uncomfortable, or at least done with the moment, and says he's been trying to get in front of Marina all night, and Penelope says all Marina's interested in is a swift rescue, which inspires Colin to go after her.

This is their first moment together since her confinement, we know since he asks how she is, and from jump he gives her an out from a man who treats her like a piece of meat, and he makes a joke right away to ease her. Colin here is exactly to Marina as Colin was to Penelope when Cressida threw her drink on her: he's the knight in shining armor, and he likes it that way. Charm dialed up to ten, he and Marina re-hit it off immediately, and she's grateful to him. Tells him to spin her off and maybe she'll recover.

And Colin does. He spins her over and over again, in circles around the entire dancefloor, and Marina smiles, and Marina grins, and Marina laughs, something we haven't seen her do since she's thrown in confinement.

Can we blame her for wanting Colin? For falling for him? Very often we talk about how he was her only option, but the truth is that Marina liked Colin from the start, and she likes him here, too. She just found out that a man she'd been in love with is forsaking her, wants nothing to do with her. She's been inspected and slapped and degraded. And Colin is kind. Colin is genuine and earnest and fun. Colin brings her to life, again. She gushes about him to Penelope as soon as they're home.

And Penelope hates it.

Her problems are not that Marina is trapping Colin. She doesn't care about the logistics of the ruse. She tells Marina anyone but Colin. It isn't that Marina's pregnant, and it isn't that Marina lies.

It's that it's Colin. Penelope wants Colin and Marina wants him, too.

And that brings them back to where they started. It didn't matter what empathy and compassion they'd cultivated: Penelope is not Marina's friend. Penelope had *never* been Marina's friend. She was her ally insofar as Marina was going to live a story that left Penelope free for her own happily ever after with Colin, and as cruel as it is, it gives Penelope DEPTH. She is not just an altruistic darling willing to watch a man she loves marry her cousin. She does literally EVERYTHING she can to keep it from happening. That's her motive. He's her motive. It's Penelope's love for Colin and her hopes that they can be together that leads her to expose Marina.

In this conversation, she tries anew. Her hopes on George now dashed, and the confinement period over, Penelope tries to sway Marina by making Colin seem like a bad match. She can't think of negative qualities to counter Marina's compliment-fest (kind, funny, excellent with children), but informs that Colin is too young to marry. That she needs someone to propose soon. And Marina says he's not like other young men, that he's eager, that he saved her, that she thinks he will propose soon.

What Penelope never says is that everything Marina thinks of Colin, Penelope already knows. She knows Colin is funny, and kind, and an accomplished dancer, and excellent with children, and that he saved her, too, at Vauxhall, and that Marina opened up to her so she'll open up the same but she doesn't: she never once tells Marina that she loves him.

Because Penelope is not Marina's friend. But Marina *is* Penelope's. She says she'll be able to stay in town, gleeful that since Penelope is close to Eloise, so they will remain friends, as sisters. Marina doesn't see the secondary motives in Penelope's actions, trying to steer her away from Colin, nor does she assume anything of Penelope. How could she? Penelope has been nothing but nice to her in a house of cruelty. Penelope doesn't deride her, Penelope doesn't hit her, and Penelope helped her with George.

But Penelope doesn't want her there, same as everyone else in Featherington House. And she doesn't necessarily want Marina to be happy. She wants Marina to be out of the picture. She'd prefer if that was with her happy, but she doesn't need Marina's wellbeing. Just her absence. Or, at the very least, she's going move bitch, get out the way.

She begins thinking of how that will happen immediately after Marina leaves. She paces her room until Eloise throws rocks at her window, and this is when we get their fight.

Eloise comes with a theory about Lady Whistledown , going on and on about what she believes, and Pen cuts her off.

"Eloise I do not care! People have real problems, mature problems, problems that have nothing to do with the secret identity of some silly writer." "And you are so mature now?" "Well I am of age, I am out in society, therefore I have more important, mature things to worry about." "Like what?" "Like marriage," "You should not care about marriage.: "What if I do? I cannot expect you to understand, not everyone can be a pretty Bridgerton!"

Eloise runs off and Penelope immediately regrets it, because her fury isn't at Eloise, but rather projecting her frustrations at Marina and Colin's blossoming relationship at Eloise. When Penelope says she cares about marriage, that is only a half truth. She cares about marriage to Colin. Very specifically to Colin.

Episode 5 sees more of the same. When Colin comes to visit Marina, Penelope is displeased. She looks on as Colin brings Marina flowers, and Marina finds them beautiful. This is not a woman who would humbly have allowed Colin to marry whoever would make him happy, a selfless woman who had nothing but the best intentions toward Colin and Marina's love story.

She doesn't care if Colin would be happy with Marina. She wants him to be happy with her.

And listen to me very clearly: I like her more for it. Yeah, I said it. Oh, it would be easy if Penelope was a sweet darling, an innocent doll who tragically falls on the sword, wanting nothing more than for her dear friend to live a beautiful love story with someone who would appreciate him. No. She believes, knows Colin would be happier with her (and, ultimately, she ends up being right in that regard) and she wants him to be with her, not with Marina. This is not an excuse for Penelope. She doesn't do good things. Her intentions are not noble. What she wants is self-serving and how she goes about it is underhanded and secretive and manipulative. And I. Like. Her. For. It. Enough of the narrative that Marina was a villain, an antagonist in Penelope's love story.

Penelope was the antagonist in Marina's.

But she is also the hero in her own. From the very beginning, the narrative made it a one or the other situation. Even when they were friends, they weren't really friends. But through it all, Marina had no idea.

Because Penelope never told her.

She spoke in circles, said Colin loved to travel, encouraged him to do so in front of Marina, said Marina didn't like tomatoes when Colin joked that he'd bring her some as a surprise to break up the monotony of bouquets. Both Colin and Marina are surprised that she's saying anything in this scene, Marina moreso than him, because she thinks Penelope is her friend and would encourage this. Penelope knows how much Marina likes Colin, and how important time is with her situation. Marina gives her the 'girl, what are you doing????' face when Penelope clearly encourages Colin to travel. Colin informs that some things in London he'd want to see more than the world, and looks at Marina. They share a moment and Penelope rushes off after her mother for Plan. . .is it D, at this point? Plan D.

Penelope recognizes Marina and Colin like each other, so she goes to her mum. asks if it's a smart decision. She feigns caring for Marina. That she is ONLY worried because Colin is young and he's years off from marriage (which she doesn't really believe, or she wouldn't be saying anything) and that Marina simply doesn't have that kind of time.

It does what she wants. Portia comes to Marina, doubling down on Lord Rutledge, saying she has until Saturday to accept his proposal. Marina refuses, clearly disliking him, and Portia admonishes her.

"Is this about Mr. Bridgerton?" "He likes me! He will propose to me, I'm sure of it." "That boy is barely out of leading strings, he has two older brothers and they're still running from the yoke. You are to cut Colin Bridgerton immediately, or I will lock you in this very room until Lord Rutledge makes you his wife."

Marina's smart, she makes a deal. She recognizes how a marriage to Colin could do a world of good for Portia's daughters, and she pleads for just a few days. Before Saturday. That he would propose. And it's only now, in this moment, that Marina makes a plan that has anything to do with Colin. Only after already liking him and envisioning a second chance romance with him, and having a good life with him.

It isn't that Colin's her only other choice. Marina had several unhappy choices. But Colin is the choice she *wants* to make. She has a time limit now, hence the deception, but it's rooted in her attraction to him. "You will seduce him." is what Portia says, but for Marina, it's not as dramatic as all that. She already likes Colin. and Colin already likes her. So maybe they speed it all along, but it's not made through falsification.

But for Penelope, who listens at the door, this is now the proof that it's becoming serious, and that this plan, too, won't work.

Plan E, it is. Chuck her off to anyone new. See what sticks. She points out multiple men at the next ball they're at as prospects. This is Marina's face when Penelope described him as pleasant.

and then that another has kind eyes. To which Marina replies, honestly, rather relatably. That she doesn't know them or care about any of them, and that she's looking for Colin.

Only now. In the middle of Episode 6, just about at the 11th hour, does Penelope ask Marina not to pick him. This is the first time. That she can do this to anyone else. She attempts Plan H: a plea for morality. That she doesn't want him to be tricked and deceived. That she's known him forever. That Marina shouldn't do this to a good man, but Marina asks if Penelope would rather she marry a bad man, then.

And the truth is, Penelope would. Penelope would rather that Marina marry a bad man than marry Colin, Penelope would rather Marina do anything rather than marry Colin. Because this entire situation is all born because Penelope loves him.

This is her way of fighting for him. It's not her way of being altruistic, it's not her way of wanting to help him, it's her way of ensuring her own happily ever after. And no, that's not a 'Penelope is such a darling angel baby' take, but it IS a human one.

And the worst of it is that Marina would have backed off of Colin if Penelope just said something earlier. Think about how their friendship was. Penelope could have informed Marina that she liked Colin when Marina was gushing about George. She could have opened up. Or when Marina was getting suitors again after her re-debut in society. Marina was rife with suitors. She liked Penelope. But Penelope never spoke up. There was an entire month and a half Penelope could have talked to Marina, and then another in her confinement.

But Marina only realizes Penelope doesn't actually support her after Penelope says not to do this to a good man. That Penelope isn't happy for her in the least. She assures Penelope that she'll be a good wife to him, that he'll be good to her in return, and that, really, it isn't Penelope's business. Which it isn't except for the fact that she makes it her business. Lord Rutledge gets engaged, and Colin becomes Marina's last way out. But, let's be real: he was was also the only one she wanted to entertain.

Oh, my sweet, darling baby boy. Earnest describes him to a T. He doesn't know he's the rope in Marina and Penelope's tug of war (hell, Marina doesn't even know someone else is pulling for him), and he gets denied a narrative in so much of this. When Marina says she's feeling faint and to find someplace more private, Colin doesn't even THINK she has alternative motives. He's concerned, takes her to a different room.

Watching this scene, you see how utterly endearing he is. He leaves the door open until she encourages him to close it, which he does post haste. He smiles at her and keeps a respectable distance. He's truly been raised to be a gentleman, and he clearly respects her. When she says they shouldn't be alone together, he finally realizes what she wants from him. When she takes a step toward him, it's subtle, but he leans back. Gets nervous. Steels his face, drops his expression. When she goes in for the kiss, he makes a few minute jerks forward, for a grand total of 2 and a half seconds, and then cuts it all off.

"You are a Lady. I must maintain your honor. And mine. No matter how. . .tempting, otherwise."

Marina, after hearing this, is stupefied. Tells him he's right. That she's a lady. She's unmarried. And he is. . .a gentleman.

And she knows Penelope is right. That he's good. She just didn't know how good Colin actually is. And in this moment, she accepts her lot. She walks away. Her last chance, her last option, and upon realizing that Colin is kind and earnest and a good, honorable person, she agrees with Penelope. She doesn't want to lie to him, to trick him, she's about to let him go. But Colin offers her to marry him, and she accepts.

Because wouldn't you? Wouldn't anybody?

Hell, her exact words are "I would be delighted to marry you." and she means it. Not as a last resort, but genuinely. We don't do Colin enough justice in this romance.

He goes on about how their long engagement is romantic, that she deserves a grand celebration, and you can tell she enjoys that, but also that she knows she'll never have it. This is where she realizes how different they are, that he's a dreamer and she's a pragmatist. And that she'll have to change his mind but can't ask for it outright.

Marina has affection for Colin. Even in season 2 we can see that, when she rightfully tells him they're in the past and that he should focus on those in his life who already make him happy. How could she not have affection for him when he's genuinely so fucking good?

And speaking of, the way he defends her to Anthony still remains one of the hottest scenes Colin takes part in. When he says he's marrying Marina for love, and not because he compromised her, he means that. When he calls Anthony an ass for insisting he go to brothels and that his interest in Marina is just lust, he's genuinely offended. Anthony says that Violet is distraught and that he won't give Colin his blessing,

"Sorry to disappoint you." "You have. In so many ways."

Colin goes to see his mum immediately after. He takes her hand and, without saying it, he all but screams 'why don't you see me?' Reminds he was courting Marina all season after Violet says she was glad she knew before Whistledown. That she was too wrapped up in Daphne to notice.

Colin wants to be seen, to be taken seriously, and it really is, as of that moment, that the only people who do so outwardly are Marina and Pen. The difference between them isn't down to looks or attitude or anything like that at all: Marina pursues Colin, she makes it clear she's interested, and Penelope doesn't. It's her greatest character flaw and the crux of her story, that she never says what she wants, that she doesn't speak up for herself. Eloise even points it out about her (and you know in friend fights they cut deep). only when she learns to speak aloud what she wants does she get her love story and happiness in society.

Penelope is near in tears when Colin announces his engagement to Marina. But the thing about Penelope is that she's persistent.

As she walks in to Marina, Prudence, and Phillipa talking about how all their fortunes are about to change with the new engagement, Penelope snarks 'Especially Colin's' to which Marina replies by complimenting her, saying she looks lovely. Penelope replies not to mock her, and Marina says

"Do not mock me." "It pains me you should think every compliment a mockery." "Do not pity me either." "I do not pity you, Penelope. I respect you. You have been a true friend since I arrived here, and I rely on your continued friendship and sympathy." "My continued silence, you mean? You think so little of me I cannot bear it. I never would have made my way through this awful tangle without your kindness. Please, do not tell me you regret it." "I would never bring scandal to you or our family if that is what you ask. But I cannot condone your actions." "I want you as my friend, Pen. Can you not try to understand and be a little pleased for me?"

Marina leaves for her modiste appointment and Phillipa talks about how they'd make beautiful babies together, to which Prudence laughs and reminds that he's not the father. Penelope snaps at them, saying Marina makes a fool of Colin already, but

but

does she not do the same to him when she outs the information later on? I like Penelope, and I ship Polin. In fact, I ship Polin exclusively, in the sense that I don't actually ship Colin or Penelope with anyone else, but this entire season is proof of Penelope's fuck ups with Marina and with Colin, both, and her justification for her actions, a thing Portia also does. She goes deeper and deeper into her disregard for Marina. Marina wants Penelope as a friend but Penelope doesn't care about Marina to that extent, even from the beginning. As Portia and Marina become more entwined in their joined ruse, Penelope sets her hopes on Violet noticing that Marina is pregnant, but Violet does her best to welcome Marina to the family, wanting to do right by Colin.

So, there goes plan G. Dire straits, then. Penelope finally has a moment alone with Colin. I've talked about the scene in which she tries to 'tell him' in a different meta, and this is already so impossibly long, but long story is that Penelope still doesn't say what she really means here. There's a narrative that Colin doesn't listen to her, but all season he listens to her. And all season, she never says what she actually wants to. When she tells him that Marina loves someone else, Colin assures he would be a hypocrite if it mattered to him that she had a romance before him. (good for you, bb boi) She doesn't tell him Marina's pregnant, which she writes in LW later on, but skirts around the subject until those precious few moments are gone.

And she lies. She says Marina loves George, still, but Marina has accepted that George wants nothing to do with her. Whether she loves him or not is outside of Penelope's knowledge. She just wants to throw whatever she can at the wall and see if it sticks, see if it breaks the engagement, and still have Colin look at her with fond eyes after the fact.

When Marina discovers them in the hallway, it's hard not to sympathize with her. She's soft when she tells Penelope Portia is looking for her, and she looks so tired. Colin apologizes for Anthony being so rude at dinner, and Marina confides in him. That her own father doesn't want her. That the Featheringtons cannot wait to be rid of her. That she thought she'd find acceptance with his family, but that was a foolish thought.

And she's right. Marina is, for all intents and purposes, fully alone. She has no one in her corner save herself. And save for Colin.

"Even your mother is just being polite." "I shall be your family, now. We shall make our own family, you and me."

And Marina wants that. So deeply, she wants that. With Colin, there's acceptance. She isn't trying to manipulate him, here, she's just hurt. Penelope has her own reasons, she loves Colin, he's a dear friend, and she doesn't want to see him hurt, and she wants him to be with her, but Marina's reasons are also poignant. Colin is the only person who made her welcome in the ton and continues to do so. Once Penelope turns her back on Marina, she just has him. And in his desire to do right by her, offers to elope.

When she says "I love you" to Colin, she's not lying. She's not trying to trick him, as is so often discussed. Is it an everlasting love? No. Is it a nonproblematic love? No. But she certainly loves what he's done for her, how he makes her feel, and she has admiration for who he is as a person. That's love, too.

This is the face of a relieved woman. Not a woman who just lied and schemed reveling in her success. This is a woman looking up to heaven, thanking God for this second chance. Just LOOK at her

We come back to Penelope, then, the day after, who feigns being sick and then runs to ransack Marina's room, looking for George's letters. (so to all the people mad at Eloise for rummaging through Penelope's room, well. . .I hope that same 'it's an invasion of privacy!' applies here, as well) Instead, she finds her duffel packed and knows they're going to elope. She searches more for George's letters and finds them, realizing one is forged.

So, Penelope waits for Marina, in her room, with the falsified letters (Plan I?), to inform her that the letter that broke Marina's heart was a forgery. She has proof that her mama faked the signature. Marina informs that it doesn't matter. George never replied to her letters.

"He has abandoned me. While Colin has embraced me." "I thought you loved him. George." "I was a fool. This changes nothing."

To which Penelope is aghast, watching Marina burn the letters, and when she asks what she'll do when Colin discovers, Marina is truthful. That she will live safe in the knowledge that Colin is a good and kind man, as he has proven to be, and that he'll take care of her and her baby. Which brings us to:

"What of him? What of Colin?"

And do I think some part of this truly is Penelope caring about Colin and his ultimate happiness? Yes. She does want what's best for him, and she does care deeply for him, but the truth of the matter is that in this, she's not doing it for him. Penelope is doing it for her. And that makes it more interesting. At every turn, every single one, Colin shows that he's infatuated w/ Marina. That he loves her, even. Nothing about his actions signify any different. And maybe it's not true love, and maybe it's a bid for him to feel useful, to feel listened to, to be taken seriously, but it's still how he feels.

The only person suffering, here, is Penelope. And Marina recognizes it for what it is. When she tells Penelope that her love is an unrequited fantasy, she has no reason to think otherwise. Penelope never opened up to her, all her criticisms are now revealed as her wanting Colin from jump, and Penelope all but said aloud she and Marina aren't friends. Marina told her to get out of her relationship, and none of us can pretend that we wouldn't do the same. Penelope is acting as though Marina is a scourge on Colin, but all Colin has done is make Marina feel cared for and wanted. We don't give him enough credit, I swear, because the reality is that how Colin is with Marina is a glimpse into how he loves. If he can forgive Marina lying to him for a good reason, he can forgive Penelope lying to him for a good reason. Marina was never Colin's endgame. Not once. It was always going to be Penelope.

And it's to show that Colin is a good man who fights for his partner, who listens, who has empathy, who wants to bring cheer, who jokes, who is wide-hearted and romantic, who puts his feelings in his hands and reaches out palms first. Give him his flowers. He was a real one with Marina. Through and through and he's gonna be a real one with Penelope. A real one to the max. This is Colin's baseline and it'll only dial up with Pen when we reunite in Season 3 but for now-

Marina says she'll be the executioner of Penelope's childish fantasy of loving Colin, but it's Penelope who's the executioner. Because even though she comes running to Eloise, even though she sobs and cries and did so much to ensure what she didn't want to happen wouldn't happen, in the end, ultimately, Penelope chooses herself. She doesn't choose Colin, she doesn't choose Marina.

Penelope chooses Penelope.

And she exposes Marina's secret. And she breaks up the engagement. By force. "Perhaps she thought she had no other option. Or perhaps she knows no shame." which is what Penelope wrote of Marina, also applies to herself in this case. When she sobs with Eloise, she's hurt by what Marina says to her, yes, but she's not weeping to mourn Colin and her one day maybe love story with him. Because she doesn't believe Marina, she doesn't think it's an unrequited fantasy. Why else expose Marina?

No, she's mourning herself. Mourning the person she one thought herself to be, and how that isn't the person that she is, that she would and can use Whistledown to get what she wants, that she has power, and how she would throw her own family and even herself under the bus for just the HOPE of her love story, and that all her intentions of fairness fly out the window because Penelope is human, and she was jealous, and she was mad.

And she continues to be. Further salt in the wound in Episode 7

"Miss Marina Thompson's recent fall from grace continues to echo through every drawing room in town days after it was revealed her engagement to Colin Bridgerton was nothing more than a sham. Of course, a Lady's disgrace does not merely tarnish her own name, like the tars on the Thames, it also leaves a smear on everyone nearby. While there is no parasol in the world strong enough to shelter a ruined woman, the fallen Miss Thompson can only hope she shall find a refuge somewhere."

Y'all

This is mean. This is twisting the knife. Portia knows it's game over. Marina is even refused from a charity room without a considerable donation. She's out of options. And it narrows and narrows around her.

And for Colin, denial isn't just a river in Egypt. He claims Lady Whistledown to publish lies and says Marina must be in agony, that he doesn't understand why he can't just visit her. Anthony informs that BECAUSE of Lady Whistledown, Colin is absolved from being the father, but if he comes near her, they will presume and he'll ruin the rest of the family for it. Even still, Colin goes to refuse, but Daphne interrupts. No one listens to him in this scene, and he's left to listen to how his family will fix what they perceive as his fuck up. He says he's sooo happy it's been settled, and storms off.

Once again, no one takes Colin seriously. He's right to point it out. Not even Penelope, as she took his decision from him just as everyone else did. In a way, Colin is also alone. I think that's what really tugged his heartstrings when Marina lamented no one wanting her around.

Colin's a hopeless romantic. In a way, he fabricated his own love story around what he wanted to hear and know. He says Leander swam each night in total darkness to see his love, and Daphne, now jaded, tells him Leander also drowned. She'll arrange a rendezvous, but she doesn't believe it'll be a love story, not really, not anymore. And Colin even though Colin seemed to be hopeful that it was a lie, when Daphne says that Marina's a stranger and that Whistledown knew Marina better than Colin did, Colin clarifies that Whistledown knew Marina's secrets.

Maybe he already knows it's true, believes it to be, but he doesn't want to see it.

"You must tell me that this Whistledown woman is mistaken, what she wrote, it cannot be true." "But it is." "You are. . .with child? I do not understand. We were to be wed. You- you said you loved me." "Colin, I hold you in the greatest esteem." "Esteem? You are a cruel woman indeed to stand here and talk of friendly affection as if you have not just committed a grave sin against me." "Speak not of sin, Mr. Bridgerton. I did not come here to be shamed by you, nor anyone else. I did not know better. You may think me a villain but I did what I thought I must. No one ever truly helped me or guided me in a different direction. I had no choice. I needed to wed. And you- you were the only man who offered me even a glimpse of happiness." "So I should feel flattered, then? Consider myself lucky that you chose me, lied to me, tried to trick me into a fraud of a marriage? I shall take my leave of you for the last time, Miss Thompson. . .You wish to know the cruelest part of your deception? If you had simply come to me and told me of your situation, I would have married you without a second thought. That is how in love I believed myself to be. But I see now that was all a lie."

This is such a fascinating conversation. It reveals more of Colin than a lot of other scenes he has does. For Colin, it's not Marina being pregnant or having come to the Ton already with child that bothers him, it's that she lied to him. He calls it a fraud of a marriage, says that she told him she loved him, and that he doesn't believe it now. One lie toppled the entire house of cards for him.

Which makes it all the more paramount that Penelope tells Colin that she's Whistledown. He shouldn't have to find out on his own, and in fact, finding out on his own would cause an IMMENSE rift between them. It would shatter his trust in her worse than learning about Marina lying to him. If Penelope instead, however, comes clean, comes to him with honesty, Colin would see that in of itself as an act of love and trust. For Colin, love is being honest. Love is being earnest. Love is being upfront. And even though Marina had every reason not to do so, to hide, to reveal to him after the fact, having lied to him is what really breaks his heart.

This is an opportunity for Bton to get some payoff in a reflection of a scene like this with Colin and Penelope. Because what so many of us Polin fans don't want to face is the fact that Penelope is ALSO keeping a life ruining secret from him. And what Marina says? Can we not also hear that in Penelope's voice? If the question is how they overcome it, the first part of that answer is by Penelope taking accountability. Coming clean.

And even though Marina has more that happens to her, this is the end of her and Colin's love story. From here, they don't really intersect. Marina does say to Daphne that Colin is a sweet boy, and for what it is worth, she is sorry, but they have very little beyond this. Until Season 2 when he visits her [we'll unpack that can of worms at a different time] Eloise comes to Penelope and asks how she's faring, Penelope says their mum swears they're ruined. But Penelope then asks about Colin, if he's in pieces, and Eloise assures that Colin will be fine as most men are, but that Whistledown has gone too far with the slander the sheet did to her family. The Featheringtons are asked to leave the luncheon, and Penelope walks off with them, realizing the true impact of Whistledown and what she's done for the first time.

One of which is Marina's brush with death. Disgraced, abandoned, and rejected, Marina drinks what she hopes is an abortive tea, and Penelope finds her on the floor after she comes to talk to her, perhaps to come clean, perhaps to make amends. Now that Colin is no longer a point of contention between them, Penelope can open her heart once more, and likely feels immensely guilty. In our final episode, Penelope is clearly feeling the weight of her actions, even when Marina apologizes to her after drinking the tea and recovering, is glad she can finally go home, and says Penelope was right. That Colin is a good man with a good heart. That Penelope was good to him, and one day, Colin will see it. It's the end of the season, now. Marina is more than ready to move on.

Enter Phillip Crane. The entire Phillip situation is tragic, how he has to tell Marina that George is dead, and how Marina has his letter as proof that George loved her, and that she thought him a villain. (Marina has a moment that I think will be reflected by Penelope in Season 3: 'I was wrong.' )

The next scene Penelope and Colin share is when he's singing for his family, his voice catching when he looks at her. Likely in gratitude or appreciation, but also this is another moment in which he looks at Penelope differently, their relationship subtly shifting. He realizes she was trying to tell him. He admires how good she is. He's touched by how she cares about him, how she tried to keep him from heartache. And she did. She really, really did.

She just also tried to keep herself from it, too.

But she couldn't. Because at the end of all of this, all these twists, these turns, and all the choices she makes 'for Colin'- he has to choose himself, too. And he chooses to leave, to escape, to heal, and to embrace his passions in travel. and this hurts Penelope, too, because it wasn't that she was trying to keep him from heartache, but rather to keep him for herself. Because she was trying to tell him she loved him.

Immediately following the end of his engagement that she orchestrated, she wanted to confess. In a way, Penelope underestimated Colin, didn't see him all season, the depth of his feelings or his gentle heart. Though she tried to keep him from heartache, heartache found him regardless. She denies his request for a dance, swallows her confession, and leaves. It hurts her that he doesn't want her, but she doesn't think of his perspective in it. To Penelope, Colin is not yet a person, but an idea. This is the first fragment in that image. Which is good. It has to shatter eventually, and it does so at the end of Season 2.

Daphne, the same woman Penelope tried to pit against Marina in the diamond wars at the start of the season becomes the only real ally Marina has. Her only true friend. And the reason Phillip comes and offers Marina marriage, thus keeping her from destitution. Penelope wasn't going to, even though she was sorry at the end. She cries after Marina walks past her without so much as a glance when she walks her way, stone faced, into a carriage with a complete stranger, her dead love's brother, to live the rest of her days in a completely new place.

And Penelope? Penelope engrosses herself into Lady Whistledown, and she continues correspondence with Colin from afar, as she is more comfortable doing, and she dreams of a someday, and she feels invincible, because at the end of the day, even though what she did was objectively not good, she got away with it. She leaves us with a smirk at the end of Season 1.

Which makes her even more bold in Season 2. Which will lead us up to her having to face actual consequences for her actions in S3, because in this entire season, not once does Penelope apologize, and in fact, the two people whom she causes the most harm to, both end up apologizing to her, completely unaware that the entire time, she'd been plotting to break them up from the very beginning

I don't think Penelope is evil, but Marina certainly isn't, either. To assume that Penelope felt betrayed by Marina, to pin the blame onto her, is to twist the narrative, and it has festered so long and so deeply into Polin, that we've seemingly completely forgotten.

Like it or not, the story with Marina serves important roles: it reveals the extent and sacrifices Penelope will go to and make for Colin, for herself, for her own happy ending, and for romance, it shows what a hopeless romantic Colin is, and how dearly he cares for others, how deeply he feels, and how desperately he wants to be heard. And, more than anything, it's the story of a woman who was thrust into circumstances that were bigger than her, that left her scrambling for answers, that revealed everyone else's cruelty in their interactions with her.

And that revealed ours, as well.

sometimes fanon festers for so long that it becomes what we swear is real, even if it isn't. it becomes a rot, in fact, manifesting in so many bad takes, particularly about Marina, in the Polin tag. we've all seen them. Penelope exposed Marina because she did it for Colin. Marina didn't care for Colin and only wanted to trap him. Colin was blind to what was in front of him all along. some of them are more cruel, people stating that Colin was an absolute idiot or that Marina was a heartless bitch.

It's enough of Marina being the Big Bad in Polin's love story. She isn't. Marina got dealt a horrible hand, and she navigated it with so much more grace than I ever could have. She endured physical abuse, verbal degradation, gaslighting, manipulation, derision, fake friends, and the death of her own love story to come out the other end a pragmatic woman with a kind heart, moving forward. Her experiences in Season 1 made her believe she had no Love Story to live. She loved, she lost, she tried again and it blew up in her face.

And she deserves our fucking sympathy

Her story is over in Bridgerton, but as Polin's love story continues, it's important to get a clean look at Penelope's intentions and how morally gray she truly is, which makes her all the more interesting and complex. It makes Polin's love story and their dynamics rich and nuanced and layered. Both Colin Bridgerton and Penelope Featherington said "I'll do anything for love"

we get to see just far that stretches

[myfanfic-urfantrash]

On A Scale Of One To Wine How Are You A Venti?

Diluc X Venti

CW: Mentions of alcohol. THIS IS AN UNFINISHED PIECE

A/N: Title make no sense but it’s funny to me so we keep it. Is this set in the same universe as my fic “Sea Foam and Lava Rock”? Nah not in the slightest. Is does still DiluVen? Yes! :D

Under the read more cause it’s a mess

------

One of the things Diluc plans for is theft. His family wine and fruit are famous for their quality, that many rival brands or even those desiring to make a quick buck would try to steal.

The problem was that his thief had good taste. Another was that they left all sorts of odd...treasures in place of the stolen goods. Pearls, gold, jewelry, and more that must've been found on the sea floor.

Of all the things Diluc expected to be pilfering through his merchandise, he didn’t expect it to be a mermaid of all things.

Rats? Sure.

A stowaway? Possibly.

A mermaid? Not a chance. 

Mermaids weren’t real and if they were they must have kept well hidden and steered clear of human activity, especially if those legends of humans hunting mermaids had any merit.

But here they were anyway, with a pale thin webbed hand holding a rather expensive bottle of grape wine and a half eaten apple in the other. The light of his lantern reveals their iridescent teal tail, half dipped into the sea below the dock.

Now he doesn’t know much about mermaids- again they weren’t real so why would he bother- but clearly- and he’s making a guess here- but he could definitely be wrong.

Mermaids live for thousands of years if he remembers right, so despite them looking so young they could be anywhere from twenty to a thousand years plus.

Their confidence though admirable is foolish. Diluc knows that even if he's not the sort to capture or harm a creature - again they didn't exist until just now- if those tales were true shouldn't they be more careful?

Diluc’s eyes scan the docks, quiet as usual this time of night, not a soul except for the occasional light from the look outs. His eyes look back down at the mermaid- merman? He doesn't know if human gender terms even apply at this point.

Their curious yet mesmerizing teal eyes glimmer in the lanterns light as they chew their stolen apple slowly.

He needs to deal with them, mermaid-merman-whatever, he might not be strapped for cash but profit loss is profit loss.

-------- End

Thanks for reading! Not sure if I’ll ever continue this piece but if I ever do here’s my notes below I guess???

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OG Idea:

Little merman Venti gets caught in Diluc’s net after stealing one apple too many from his ship, Diluc let’s him go only to be stuck with a merman who keeps flirting with him poorly...but is it really poor flirting when it’s working even with the language barrier? (if this ain’t a cute comedy I will riot and fight you(me))

Of course this did not happen but this little thing inspired “Seafoam and Lava Rock” and honestly I just wanted to see some cute merVenti and Diluc that’s really why I wrote those.

vvvv what I wanted to write to continue the current fic but didn’t cause brain hurty for a whoooooooooooole year+ D:

< What Happens Summed Up: Venti confesses to not having enough to eat because the sailors have fished far too much/are too close for comfort and how he's been hungry for a while and saw that the humans eat these fruits and such and diluc is like ugh I guess I'll feed you now can you like transform or something or is that a- o holy shit you have legs and are very naked oh my god...then they stay together for a while as venti decides to be a singer for his ship since he does work part time as a bard for some ships but got thrown over for insulting the captain for being a buffoon and braggart with no actual claim that or just make it him irritating Zhongli cause that’s funnier and then it’s just cute fluff forever I just want them to be happy and hold hands very softly at the end with like a cute promise or something I’m not crying you(me) are every second you’re(me again) not writing this aaaaaaaaaaaa ;v; >

<A line that’s suppose to be in the story vvvv

Curse my bleeding heart-

"Alright you can stay”

And he begins to cheer [insert bard talking grumpy bird man here]

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If I ever decide to finish this well...you’ll all know cause I will make a nice post :D