#Even able to put this tour together at this time. I wouldn't dream of managing the logistical madness this all is 😫😫😫

[someforzari]

Coloured Sky

Niki x black!gn!reader

Genre: fluff

A/N: My first work where the skin colour was specified, I hope its up to your standards.

Ep.1 | Ep.2

You started listening to kpop in 2019 but it was more of a casual liking in 1 or 2 groups, rather than the only thing you would listen to. So when the group 'Enhypen' came out you peaked a huge interest in them. You biased Niki for his cute persona and how he always found a way to lighten the mood.

In little time, you found yourself listening to them often and even buying an album now and then. When all of your friends started talking about going to a concert together, you suggested Enhypen's upcoming tour.

"_____, we're not made of money and plus that's in New York, only you have a place to stay there, what will the rest of us do?" Jen retorted looking at the price.

"She's right, _____" Another friend agreed.

Sighing, you knew you had to meet them at some point in your life and why not now since it was your gap year before starting college, but seeing how you had £50 to your name, you knew that wasnt happening anytime soon. You chose to go to New York anyway since you had already bought plane tickets to see your family there, texting your mum to tell her.

"Guys, I have to go pack my bags but I'll talk to you soon. Love you bye." You said leaving the café. A quick wave of goodbyes surging through your friend group.

Time skip: 11:34pm, Thursday 28th March

"Yes mum, I've packed everything. I know the trip is overseas, look, I'll be fine. I'm staying with aunt shay, I'll be alright." You explained to your mum, holding the phone between your ear and cheek. "The plane leaves at 4pm tomorrow. No, I'm getting a taxi. Look, I have to go I'll update you soon. Bye."

Putting your passports and luggage near the doorway and setting your alarm to 8am you crashed on your bed and slept soundly.

Time skip: 8:13am, Friday 29 March

Brushing your teeth slowly due to drowsiness and scrolling through instagram was a normal part of your morning, your eyes widening upon seeing a new post from Enhypens official account. It was a picture of Niki and Sunoo at the airport, nothing special except that the destination was New York. That left some excitement for your day, dreaming about running into him unexpectedly and becoming his friend. Of course, you knew your delusions were just that, delusions. But you were free to imagine, right?

Stepping into your room to double check that you had packed everything, you noticed that your nails looked terrible and decided to get them done later. A decision that would save you from embarrassment later on.

The nails you picked weren't too over the top, just french tips with a few charms. Looking at the time on your phone, you gasped. 2:09pm. You were going to be late for your flight. At your apartment, a taxi was already waiting for you as you had planned, pulling the luggage into the boot and sitting in the taxi, you sighed and hoped you'd make it in time for your flight as the airport was an hour and a half away, hopefully there wouldn't be much traffic.

Timeskip: 5:43pm, Saturday 30th March

"Yeah, I'll manage." You said as you left the house to go explore New York City.

Living in the UK, you never experienced anything close to New York, sure, London was just as busy, but the nightlife couldn't compete. Plus, you lived in Whitehall of all places. It was cold, and even though winter had finished, the sun still set by 7.

It was amazing. The street signs with vibrant colours and cute little pictures of cartoon characters and animals, the shops with the latest iconic trends and the souvenirs were so creative.

Looking around, you didn't notice the shouting and running around. It was New York, this was normal, right?

Wrong. You would've been able to look some more, if only someone didn't bump into you and both of you fell.

"Who the hell...?" You mumbled holding your ankle and looking at the person.

Niki Rishimura. He was the man who had bumped into you, making you fall and hurt yourself. The throbbing pain in your ankle was forgotten as you stared at him with your mouth wide open and eyes wide.

"I'm so sorry! Are you okay? Is your ankle hurt?" He asked frantically, clearly worried.

You couldn't even answer, you just sat there, staring at him. Once the state of shock took over, you were quick to reassure him that you were fine and asked him if he was hurt at all.

He offered to get you coffee as an apology. Being a modest person, you refused at first saying there was no need, secretly hoping he would take you anyway. Him being the absolute angel he is, he insisted to treat you to coffee and you agreed. He reached out for his phone and asked for your number, you blinked a few times in confusion but not wanting to pass up this opportunity, you typed in your digits as fast as your sore hands could.

"I'll text you later, I have to go now." Niki said smiling sweetly at you and picking up a call from his manager.

You couldn't believe it, you had just met Niki Rishimura and gotten his number! And, you were going to see him for coffee! The whole way back to your aunt's house, you smiled and some people even looked at you like you were insane, but they wouldn't understand. You couldn't wait.

@microwvdstrawb3rri3s

[yunmew]

All these pictures of everyone in DC?? 😭

Edit: Jeonghan keeps posting so added another! So glad they liked my city 😭

Edit edit: Dokyeom posted again after the concert so 😭

Also Mingyu's post from 8/29/2022 is from DC 🖤

[devilbat]

Quarantine and Chill

Tom Hiddleston x reader

Warning: Just more fluff

Summary: This is part 2 to Quarantin online when the reader finally meets Tom after months of talking online.

               Tom: Biscuiteers, 194 Kensington Park Road, London, W11. Let's say 9 am, this Thursday? Will that work for you?

              When you woke, you'd thought it was all a dream that you didn't just Skype with Tom Hiddleston. That was until you looked at your phone. Finding that Tom had texted you after the both of you said goodnight. Even sent you a photo of himself this time of his far to a handsome face.

         Y/n: Sorry again for crashing on you last night. I've never been there, so sounds great. See you then.

———-

You stood outside the shop of Biscuiteers hoping you had the right place the quaint little cafe was a bit busier than usual as people line out the door distancing themselves from others. You looked at your watch once again. You got to the cafe thirty minutes early. You were not able to stay home. Time seems to go far to slow for your liking.

"Y/n?" A deep velvet-smooth voice purred from behind you, making you squeak out in surprise, turning on your heels to come face to chest with Tom Hiddleston. Not realizing how much taller he was then you.

"Yeah." You said shyly, your eyes fluttered upward to look into those baby blues of his. ”Hi."

"It's nice to meet you, Darling, finally." Tom took your hand being ever, so the gentleman placed a light kiss onto your knuckles. Lingering a minute longer. Tom's eyes never once left yours he smiled as he watched you turn a light shade of pink.

"It's nice to meet you as well, finally." You managed to breathe out.

"These are for you." Tom offered you a lovely bouquet. You could feel your cheek heat up when you took the arrangement. It was a perfect size, and Tom had remembered your favorite flowers.

"Oh, Tom. You didn't have to." You hummed.

"Anything for a beautiful woman." Tom winked. "Shall we grab our coffee and maybe wander around London?" You smiled up at him with a nod.

Tom grabbed coffee for the both of you, even after you laughed at Tom for how silly he looked in his mask when he came out of the shop. He showed you around London. Taking the whole day to play tour guide, Ken.

After a late lunch, Tom took you down to Tavistock street for candy floss and ice cream, a little place called Milk Train. Though you may have told him he was crazy that ice cream and Cotton candy don't go together. Which ensued a small discussion on the right term to call the sugary cloud.

Tom ended up getting cookies and cream on roasted green tea ice cream with colorful sprinkles. You got the unicorn on Matcha ice cream both as a Choo-choo, which was when they added the cloud of candy floss or as you corrected Tom as it's real name Cotton candy.

Tom being the proper gentleman that he was even took you home—not wanting you to walk back alone—even walking you to your door.

"Thank you, Tom. I had a wonderful time." You said shyly. Not wanting the night to end. Tom had been great, and you hoped that he wanted the same.

"I did to Darling." Tom smiled down at you. Both of you stood there for a moment longer, unsure of what to say or do next. "Eheh." Tom was rubbing the back of his neck. "Would you like to come over for dinner sometime? ..... To my home, that is. ... Only dinner and maybe a film."

       You giggled softly at how reassuring that it was nothing more than that. He was definitely nervous. It was nice to see this man be so normal in away. You would have always thought he would be confident in every aspect of his life.

"I would like that, Tom." You nodded with a smile.

              "Really?" Tom's voice cracked a bit overjoyed. Making you giggle. "I mean, you don't think I'm overstepping ." Clearing his throat. "I don't want to pressure you on the second date by having you come over to some stranger home. Who may or may not have his way with you. Not that I'm going to I'll be the perfect gentleman. I mean if you wan-."

            You cut Tom off, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek.  "You're overthinking."

            "Eheh." Tom nervously chuckled his hand, running along with the spot that your lips were.

——-

     Tom wanted everything to be perfect. He wanted you to have the perfect night with him. He may have even gone a little overboard to make it so. Purchasing outdoor movie projector and screen. Stringed lights littered his backyard. He searched ideas for the best setting for the movies and dinner. Finally, settling on to large style inflatable mattresses. Every pillow and blanket he owned laid thoughtfully.

         The menu he had made simple something he knew you would like, and he was known for his spaghetti bolognese. You may have mentioned that you wouldn't mind seeing if he did it the right way. It didn't help with his nervousness that you cooked professionally. While he waited on the sauce.

        He almost jumped out of his skin when the doorbell rang. Looking at his watch, you were early. Well, at least he hoped it was you and not his sisters spying on him. He had let it slip to his mom about you. Therefore his sisters knew and had given him a hard time. However, they did help with ideas on his little backyard project.

         Tom grinned when he spied you throw the peephole of his door. Tom noted that you wore comfortable clothes. He wanted you to be comfortable. You didn't have to get all dressed up for him.

         "Hello, darling." Tom greeted you when he opened the door.

           "Hi, Tom. I brought wine. I wasn't sure what to bring." You rambled Tom pulled you into a hug to make you stop. Relaxing you as you hugged him back.

"You didn't need to bring anything, Darling, just yourself." Tom smiled as he took your bag and wine for you as he escorted you outside. "Dinner is just about ready. Why don’t you make yourself comfortable, and I'll be right back."

——

       Tonight's movies: The Jungle Book (Disney version.) starts after dinner, followed by Jurassic Park.  The sign said on a table as you both moved over to the area Tom had set up the movie.

      Tom set up the projector while you got yourself comfortable on one of the mattresses. Few minutes of trying to figure out the machine a few cuss words under his breath. In hopes you didn't hear him.

        Tom finally got the projector working and settled on the other mattress, not wanting to make you feel uncomfortable if he were to get in with you. You looked over at Tom when you movie came up on the screen.

          "Tom, did you mean to have the movie play upside down?" You smile, trying not to laugh.

             "Eheh, No." Tom groaned as he stood back up. To fix the problem. "Before I forgot there is popcorn, sweets, and drinks on the table if you would like at any point."

              "I'm so full from that amazing dinner maybe later. Thank you." You hummed.

             Tom finally settled, and the movie started. You giggled when Tom began to sing out loud. 'Look for those bear necessities.'

           "You, sir, are a dork." You throw a small pillow at the man.

           "Hey, now I saw your feet swaying to the music. You know you were just about to bellow it out." Tom tossed the pillow back at you.

         "You saw nothing, mister. I was rudely interrupted from the movie by off-key singing." You teased sticking your tongue out. Placing the pillow back under your head. "Now, shh it."

         Tom settled down, and you both went back to the movie. Soon the second movie started. Twenty minutes into the film, you decided on some popcorn.

         "Do you want any popcorn?" You asked, looking over at Tom, who was watching you as you got up.

         "Popcorn does sound good. But I can get it, love." Tom hummed, pulling himself up.

         "I got it, Tom. I mean, I'm already up." You smiled, walking over to the cute little setup Tom had put a lot of thought into.

         "Where's mine?" Tom poured as you came back with some candy and one bag of popcorn.

         Carefully you kneeled on to the mattress with Tom. Making sure not to spill any of the contents from your arms, laying everything down on the blanket. Tom corked an eyebrow at you. Humming to the music. While you moved under the blanket.

          "I figured we could share." You shrugged a shy smile played along your lips. Brushing a loose strand of hair back behind your ear.

          "Of course, darling sounds like a lovely idea." Tom moved over just a bit, giving you more room.

         You scooted closer to the man popcorn in hand as you rested yourself against him. Your head was resting lightly on his chest. Tom didn't hesitate to put his arm around you. You both went back to the movie.   

         "Thank you, Tom, this has been the best and one of the most thoughtful dates I have ever been on." You spoke up kissing Tom cheek, almost startling him.

           "You are more than welcome." Tom smiled.

Tom leaned forward, capturing your soft lips with his own, testing the waters almost to see if you would pull away. He paused for a moment only for Your lips pressing back along with his. Your hand that was already resting on his chest, gripped into the smooth fabric of his sweater.

          He kissed you softly, yet there was so much passion behind each movement. His arms wrapped around your waist. Your other hand found it's way to tangled into his soft locks. Forgotten popcorn spilled over the blanket. 

            Only breaking apart when a roar that made you two jump apart. Both of you looked to the screen, chest heaving and out of breath as you saw the T-Rex come back on-screen attempt to kill a car. And two kids screaming for their life.

           "Eheh." Tom laughed as he turned back to look at you. Gently Tom moved so that he wasn't crushing you too much. Some point he had slowly started leaning into you. You bit your lip when you looked up at Tom; his hair was a bit of a mess. You could feel your cheeks heat up.

          "You know for being dead, dinosaurs do have the worst timing." You said breathlessly.

          "That they do." Tom smile kissing your lips once more.

         "Popcorn?" You offered Tom as you took a piece from the pile that was currently on top of Tom's lap.

        Soon the movie came to an end, and Tom was the one that didn't want the night to end. However, he hadn't realized yet that you had fallen asleep. Not until he went to get up to turn the projector off that he noticed. You looked so cute draped over him, with your face practically buried into his chest.

"Darling, the movies over." Tom gently stroked your cheek even though he didn't want you to wake you.

"Mmhmm." You nodded sleepily but didn't show any other signs of moving.

"Y/n?" Tom kissed your forehead this time.

"Five more minutes." You yawned your arm wrapped around Tom's waist tighter.

"All right." Tom smiles as he covered both of you up. Though he didn't intend on falling asleep himself, he did.

[jisvnq]

[ 03:58AM ]

title | missing you

genre | fluff, humor, a teensy-weensy itsy-bitsy dash of angst, idol!au

warnings | none

word count | 1.2k

requested | nope~

description | where jisung misses you too much, he can't fall asleep.

z.txt | idk, i just woke up in the middle of the night for literally no reason(?) and i suddenly had the inspiration to write this up lol

"Hello, Ji? What—"

"Y/nnie..." Jisung said with a yawn as soon as you picked up. His voice was heavily laced with exhaustion as he sighed. "I miss you..."

"Ji," he heard you sigh. "Isn't it nearly four there? What are you doing up?"

"I can't- can't fall asleep," he mumbled, words slurring together. "When are you coming back?"

"I'll be back home soon, Ji," your soft voice reassured him. "This tour won't last forever, so don't worry. Just a few more months to go and we'll see each other again before the new year, my love."

Even in Jisung's sleepy state, his heart fluttered at your words, somehow feeling calm and at ease just by hearing your voice.

"But that's like... five... four... three months more?" he whined, tossing around in his bed, reaching out for the special hoodie of his that you sprayed in your perfume before you left and bringing it close to his chest.

"It's two months, my love." He groaned, hearng you chuckle. "I'll be back before you know it. Don't you worry."

"But I miss you," he drawled on dramatically. "Two months is still... too long. I want to hug you now."

"Patience, Jisung," you told him patiently when you hear him whine again. "And soon as I'm home, you can hug me all you want, deal?"

"Fine," Jisung said with a pout, closing his eyes when he yawned again, breathing in the scent of you from his hoodie as he hugged it tightly. "You better keep your word on that. I'm beginning to think I've been hugging this stupid hoodie more than I've ever hugged you... and now I wanna hug you even more. Ugh. I hate this hoodie. I want you."

"Jisung, you're getting extremely... needy," you said amusedly, hearing his huff of annoyance. "That means you're extra sleepy and you need extra naps. Please tell me you have the day off today."

"I have a schedule for four... six in the afternoon...?" he trailed off, not really knowing. "Something like that, I don't know. All I know is that I miss hugging you and kissing you and just... you. I think I might cry if I don't wake up next to you tomorrow, Y/nnie."

You chuckled. "Park Jisung, get yourself together, you silly baby—!"

"Hey, I'm not a baby!" He complained. "You're the baby! I— wait, if I say I'm a baby, will you come back home to take care of me, Y/nnie?"

He heard your bright laugh on the other end and felt himself smile widely, his heartbeat speeding up a bit knowing it was him who made you laugh like that. He felt somewhat accomplished, because even in this quite odd, sleepy state of his, he still managed to make you laugh your beautiful laugh. If he could get sounds tattooed, he'd get this one right on his forehead for everyone to see— or hear.

"Ji," you said, still chuckling a bit. "You're adorable, but I'm afraid that even if you did admit you're the cutest, most precious baby in the world, I still wouldn't be able to just randomly get a flight back to Korea. The world doesn't work that way, my love."

"We'll make our own world then," he said sleepily, brain beginning to slow down when he hears you subconsciously humming to whatever music played in the background of wherever you were. "A world where we have chicken wings and can fly faster than the Flash so we can see each other whenever we want to."

You couldn't help but laugh a bit louder, muttering out a little "sorry" as you attracted quite a lot of attention to yourself. "Chicken wings... flying faster than Flash? I think you're beyond sleepy, my love."

Jisung hummed, a goofy smile spreading across his face as he imagined you giggling like mad in the middle of the makeup room. "You think? I thought it was quite clear I've been lacking in sleep since the beginning of the week, Y/nnie."

"Park Jisung, go to sleep then, silly!" You said with a shake of your head. "Need me to sing for you?"

"Yes please," Jisung said as soon as you finished your sentence, tugging the blanket up to his chin as if it was you who tucked him in, and he placed the hoodie right under his nose as if it was you he was hugging instead. He yawned. "I miss- I miss your singing too..."

"What song do you want me to sing for you, my love?" you asked him softly.

"Sing anything, any song you want to sing," Jisung said drowsily. "I don't care if you sing Mad City, Puzzle Piece, or your new song. I just want to hear you singing, I just miss hearing you- you singing."

"Alright, my love."

And with a chuckle, you sang. Your voice soft and gentle as you sang to him a familiar melody, a soothing warmth washing over his body — almost like what one of your nice and toasty hugs would give him. He was slightly thankful you didn't actually choose to sing Mad City for him to sleep to, instead a calm tune of yours he knew you wrote the lyrics to. Making it all the warmer for his heart.

His yawns became more frequent, breaths slowly beginning to even out as he began to drift off into his dreams. His dreams that consisted of you and him, in some magical wonderland, together.

You slowed to a stop when you heard his snores reach your end of the phone and you smiled to yourself. It wasn't everyday Jisung was as clingy as this, so you treasured the rare moments where he so endearingly let you take care of him when it was usually him who babied you. It wasn't everyday you got to see him in person, nor give him all the attention he definitely deserved from you either.

It made your heart ache knowing you couldn't kiss his forehead goodnight whenever he wanted you to nor hug him when he needed you to. You both knew it was inevitable when you became idols together, when you began dating. Trying your absolute hardest to keep your special relationship on the low meant constantly conflicting schedules, resulting in days, weeks, or even months of not being able to see each other at all.

But you knew he loved you, he knew you loved him, and that was enough to keep both of you going.

"Y/n," your group leader called gently, raising your chin and wiping away the tear that unknowingly fell down your cheek. Your leader gave you a sad smile. "Miss him?"

"Yeah," you sighed, sniffling a bit and standing up, your leader giving you a supportive hug as the rest of your members soon came in for a group hug as well. You looked up at them and gave them a genuinely thankful smile. "Do we need to go now?"

Your question, however, was answered by a staff member calling you up one by one for rehearsal. You looked back to your phone, putting it up to your ear to listen to Jisung's peaceful snores one last time before you had to leave your phone with a staff member who impatiently held her hand out for it.

"I love you."— and you ended the call.

[butterfliesinthenightsky]

hi sweetheart !! may i please req an ateez and bts personality ship ?? my description was SUPER long (I GOT CARRIED AWAY </3) so you can cut my request at the personality part when posting my ship! tysm in advance <3

I’m an ‘03 liner that’s 5’9.5 (basically 5’10) with dark skin, jet black hair (currently in long twists rn!!), and i’m on the curvier side (esp hips and my thighs) !! some of my favorite features are my plump lips (and i have a beauty mark near the inside of my bottom lip!), my long legs (they’re 40.5 inches long and look so good in dresses and skirts <33), my kempt and pretty fingernails, and my eyelashes !!! i’m a virgo (and surprisingly i get along with all the signs, i cant think of a sole zodiac sign i DONT mix well with but i love cancers and virgos <33) ! i’m also an ambivert all the way! i often come off as cold/shy/quiet when meeting new people (one of my closest friends avoided me for a month before meeting me because i looked so intimidating LMAO), but once you get close to me i turn into a goofy (heavy on the goofy im never not laughing) bundle of warmth and love: i will never stop texting them the <3 emoji every morning or buying my friends/s/o their favorite starbucks order when they need a little cheer-me-up. also, lots of people say i’m mature and carry myself well, but around my friends i’m one of the most goofiest people ever (probably bc my face will literally be 😐 one sec and then 🥰 the next second when someone makes me laugh <3)

tysm in advance!!! Have an amazing day/afternoon/evening!

@anpanseok DARLING! I hope you love your ship <3 I'm actually really proud of this one, you'll have to let me know what you think! <3

In ATEEZ, I ship you with one and only demon San!

(I thought you'd like that gif ;) )

Okay, when you were describing all of the things that you would want in the relationship, I thought of San due to how clingy and affectionate he is with the other members of ATEEZ. He is a Cancer, which is good because that is one of the star signs that are compatible with yours. I don't believe that the age difference of four years would be that much of an issue, especially since San acts younger than he is most of the time anyway. I feel like most men are intimidated when their female significant other is tall themselves, but he is tall himself and I feel like the fact that you are taller is kind of one of his favorite things about you? One of his other favorite things about you are your curves, he always puts his hand on your thighs during movie night at the boys' dorm or in the back pocket of your jeans when you two are walking into KQ Entertainment together. When you wear dresses when all of you go out to fancy dinners together, he has to hold himself back because he ADORES you when you wear dresses! You said you're am ambivert, I feel like he relates to that in some form of way, like I feel like there are certain situations where he feels a bit more introverted about. Sometimes Hongjoong has to scold him because he texts you so much, but he can't stay mad at you when you pop into the building with their favorite Starbucks drinks and hand-made lunch boxes for them. Just as you always support his creative endeavors, he always returns it for you tenfold and when you are talking about issues you care deeply about, he gives you his full attention and stares at you lovingly. Not just San, but all of the boys, come to you whenever they are dealing with stress and they just want someone to talk to because you are so amazing at giving advice and supporting them. There was a time when a sasaeng approached you, San, Wooyoung and Jongho when you were doing some late night grocery shopping when another ATINY stopped her, causing an argument and nasty words to be exchanged. Let's just say, you shut that sasaeng down REAL quick when you heard some of the things she said. One day you woke up and found a present that San made for you, a mixtape of all of your favorite songs from all your favorite genres of music, along with a little keychain that had tokens of all of the states you had visited. He wholeheartedly loves you and he makes every effort to support all of your dreams. When he has days off from work, the two of you make a blanket fort in your living room and watch old episodes of Forensic Files and Law & Order: SVU, whilst surrounded by fluffy blankets and a couple of his favorite plushies. His life an idol doesn't afford him much down time, unfortunately, but he always makes time for you and you always have the craziest adventures with not only each other, but all of the other boys as well. Squishy San will want all of the cuddles, have you SEEN how affectionate he is with the other members?! Also, him in all black outfits.... YES, PLEASE AND THANK YOU. One day he was visiting your apartment and he surprised you with matching beaded pearl bracelets and he never takes it off, not even for performances. The boys don't really think nothing of walking into the bathroom to brush their teeth whilst one of the others is showering, that just comes with their busy schedules and their dorm life. Let's just say this: Mingi wasn't able to look you in the eyes for two weeks because he did just that, not realize that you had snuck in and stayed the night, and were currently going to the bathroom whilst San was in the shower. Your camera roll is not only filled with silly pictures of San that you've captured, but of the most magazine worthy, model pictures you have ever been lucky enough to take. He accepts you for all of your flaws, and helps you to try to work on them, however that may be and you do the same for him.

In summary: You both are simps for each other and I AM HERE FOR IT.

In BTS, I ship you with Namjoon!

Another tall boy for you, I got you! You both are Virgos, but I looked it up worried that two Virgos would clash, and it said that they would be very intuitive with each other and would understand each other! The age gap is quite large, I don't know how okay you are with that? I know everyone has different preferences. He approached you first when he saw you at the mom & pop coffee shop/cafe around the corner from your apartment, and he thought you were the most beautiful person he had ever seen. Another man who I don't think would be bothered by your curves (men can be shallow dicks), I think that is his favorite thing (same as San) about you. Not even in a sexual way, I feel like his hands would always end up on your butt without him even noticing. Most of the time, one of the other boys will point it out when all of you are hanging out together, and he will be proud that he has a significant other like you, but he almost might become a shy mess about it I feel like. I feel like he can get jealous, just because you are closest to Jungkook in the group and you often pull pranks on the other members together. There is never a shortage of laughs when all of you are together, pure crackhead energy if I've ever seen it, just non stop jokes and banter between all of you. You were able to get time off from work and were actually able to join them (their managers were surprisingly chill about you tagging along? CONFUSION?) on their tour around Europe and you had so many memories. You actually brought along a Polaroid camera that you found in a little store one day when the two of you were shopping, and you ended up having to buy an extra suitcase on the trip because you took LITERAL hundreds of pictures of all of your adventures and the tour shenanigans. He has childish tendencies, I feel like he would love to play Roblox with you? I feel like he would take a very mathematical approach to building things, that's just the vibe I get from him. He often stares at you when you're doing your makeup in the morning, he finds it fascinating and he even asked you to do his makeup for some of his shows. His makeup artists weren't angry, luckily, all of their staffs absolutely adore you two together. He is all up for adventures, I feel like he would chicken out at the idea of skydiving, though lol. You keep stealing his sweaters, which he low-key highkey is SO happy about because he loves the way that you look in them. The size difference is only three or four inches (I've seen people say he's 6 feet, but then others say he's 6 foot 2, WHICH IS IT?!), so it's pretty easy to sneak kisses from him whenever you want them when you're together. If he sees you struggling to stay awake whilst studying, he'll softly close your book and drag you over to your bed for a couple hours so you can take a quick nap to regain the energy. I don't really know his temperament that well, he has to be rather even-tempered to deal with those hooligans he calls the rest of BTS, so I feel like you wouldn't have that many fights. You both are always striving to help each other to be the best versions of each other you can be. You joined the boys on vacation at a lake house and one night you were having dinner and he blushed after you said something cheeky to him, causing you to say to him, "You look like a cute tomato when you blush, my cutie pie." in front of the other members. Needless to say, he turned even more red and the boys teased him mercilessly for the rest of the night. Don't know how the cooking would go (this boy is a DISASTER in the kitchen), but you would have fun learning new dishes. He would brag about getting a dish right, and you quickly praise him but also say, " and that's why you a big ass head.", causing him to die laughing. He is the very definition of a hard worker, and I feel like he would love being praised and doing the same for his significant other, so I'm glad that you said that you liked the words of affirmation love language, because GET READY. He's definitely been buffing up (I SCREAM WHENEVER I SEE PICTURES OF HIM NOWADAYS), so

his hugs would always be the best things, so warm and comforting. Don't know how you feel about children? We've all seen that VLive where this idiot literally bought baby shoes because he thought they were cute, so I think he would definitely want children down the road in your relationship if you were both comfortable with it. Best father and husband award goes to him.

In conclusion: SIMP. SIMP. SIMP. SIMP. SIMPPPPPPPPPPPP.

[blueeyedheizer]

sound of metal - matt

WARNING: might contain some triggering topics (talks of surgery, hearing loss)

A/N: this movie was so beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time I had to write something based on it. (excuse the crappy ending) If you haven't seen sound of metal...go watch it nowww

•••

Matt had been acting strange lately. Wether it was during sound check or while you were performing in front of a crowd, he seemed off and completely out of it everytime you shot a glance his way.

Today wasn't any different and you were starting to grow seriously worried. You and your band were performing in front of your biggest crowd yet; the band was getting more and more recognition and people were quick to spread the word about your small tour. It even got to the point where people would take pictures with you and buy your merch after the show. Quite frankly, everything was going well and it was a dream come true.

But when you looked at Matt, it seemed like he wasn't handling things as well as you did. At first, you thought that it might only be stage fright. You weren't really used to such big venues, and it would've made sense that he feels some kind of discomfort in front of an important audience. Yet he never spoke to any of you about it, and you knew he would've at least told you if that was the case.

So when you looked over your shoulder in the middle of the fourth song and caught sight of him you immediately sensed that once again, something wasn't right. He looked almost terrified, you could tell his breathing was heavy and that it wasn't just because of the drums. You tried to contain your worry and focus on your singing, but you kept a mental note to talk to him after the show. You couldn't just sit there and keep pretending everything was alright when he was clearly hiding something from you.

But before you even had the time to move on from your thoughts Matt suddenly stormed out of the stage, his drumsticks falling to the floor while he pushed a few people on his way out. Your heart pounded hard against your chest as you were hit with a wave of anxiety, then with a small apology to the crowd and a worried glance at your bandmates you followed him.

Within seconds you were bursting through the back doors, running after him.

"Matt! Matthew, what the hell?" you called, running to his side. He was bent down, hands resting on his knees as he panted hard. You placed your hands on his shoulders and he eventually stood up straight before leaning against the fence. "Baby, what's wrong?" you placed your hands on his cheeks, your thumbs stroking his skin as your eyes searched for his.

"I can't hear anything." he admitted, voice cracking.

"What?"

"I can't hear anything."

-

You just picked at your food, not hungry due to how anxious you felt. You could barely register anything else than the sound of your heartbeat, the sounds of muffled talking, plates and glasses clinking from the restaurant being completely drowned out by your nagging thoughts.

"What are we gonna do?" James eventually spoke up.

"I don't know James. I really don't know." you put your fork down and buried your face in your hands, finally letting a few tears slip. You leg was bouncing repeatedly, heart beating a million miles a minute. After taking a deep breath, you grabbed the pen and paper that were in front of you and wrote something down.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" you slid the paper across the table so that Matt could read it. He sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"I didn't want you to worry about it. It's nothing. It'll come back eventually." he said, but you were far from satisfied with his answer. You squeezed your eyes shut.

"What did the doctor say?" once again, you slid the paper across the table.

"There's a surgery. An implant. It's— it's expensive but I'll get it."

"Y/N, there's no way he'll be able to afford it." James whispered. You glanced at him and nodded, knowing damn well you'd never be able to earn so much money in such a short amount of time. You were just a small band, earning a salary worth of such surgery would take an excessive amount of work and time. Noticing the worried look on everyone's face, Matt broke the silence and grabbed your hand.

"Look— we'll play tomorrow and see how it's like. It'll come back. It's fine baby, my hearing's not completely gone. okay? I can do it." Matt said, and you shook your head.

"No."

"We have a tour booked."

"Matt, it's not safe." you tried to reason with him as more tears welled in your eyes.

"We have a tour booked, Y/N, I'll just deal with it, I can do it!"

"No, Matt. We can't." you removed your hand from his hold.

"It'll come back!"

"For God's sakes Matt, it's not safe!" you finally raised your voice, fist colliding with the table as you flopped back against your seat. Your bandmates flinched and some waitresses and customers turned to you, thinking a fight had broke out. You apologized quietly, not even loud enough for any of them to hear before grabbing the pen.

"We're not finishing the tour. You can barely hear a word we're saying. We're not finishing it." you put the pen down and got up, gathering your things before turning to James and Alex. "I'll call the manager and see what we can do."

And with that, you left the dinner without a word.

-

Fortunately, your manager was very understanding of the situation and helped you with everything you needed. He got you in contact with a friend of his who ran a small community in which Matt would be able to attend meetings and learn sign language.

You called the man immediately after finishing the call with your manager, wanting to get this done as soon as possible. You were hit with a wave of relief when he told you he would be more than willing to welcome Matt, as long as he complied with the rules that were imposed there. But getting Matt to understand that this wasn't just a small hearing loss and that he needed help was another story.

"I'm not going, Y/N. God, it— it doesn't even bother me that much! I can still play!" he said and you shook your head, lowering it afterwards. You had never seen him so agitated, and no matter how hard he tried to convince you that he was okay, you could see right through him. His hearing loss was in fact bothering him, he just wouldn't admit it. "Baby I know our songs by heart, we could just—"

"Matt, stop. Just stop." you interrupted him. Tears were beginning to form in your eyes and it was getting harder to hold them back. He scoffed, burying his hands in his hair.

"Matt. Please. Just look at me." you placed your index finger under his chin, forcing him to look at you. "The most important thing right now is to preserve the hearing you have left. Okay?" your hand slid to his cheek, wiping a tear before pecking his lips. "I love you so much, baby. And that's why I'm not leaving you the choice. We're cancelling the tour, and you're going to let these people take care of you." you told him, making sure to speak clearly.

-

-time skip-

Those 6 months spent away from him were hard. The members of the community he was in all lived in one house together with no contact to the outside world - which meant no phones allowed. It was a rule that you had agreed on committing to, but you hadn't anticipated how awfully long these months would actually be. Performing without him was something you couldn't get used to. You had found a new drummer for the time he was gone, but it was different. You were so used to Matt's energy, his way of playing, and the boy was nothing like him. He was really nice and Alex and James seemed to get along well with him, but this band wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for Matt, therefore performing his songs without him felt wrong.

You had no idea what the future was going to look like, wether it was regarding the band or your relationship. You had no idea how Matt was doing. For all you knew he could be at his lowest point and you weren't there for him. Or maybe he was having an amazing time, and you couldn't shut off this nagging voice in the back of your head that kept telling you he might've met someone new.

-

You were walking home from work, looking forward to leave this long day behind you and get some well deserved rest. You greeted your dad and was about to make your way to your room, but his voice stopped you in your tracks before you could leave.

"Y'a Matt qui t'attends dans ta chambre." (Matt's waiting for you in your room.)

"Quoi?" (What?)

"Il est arrivé y'a une heure ou deux. Je lui ait dit de rester là en attendant que t'arrives." (He arrived about an hour or two ago. I told him to stay there and wait for you.)

You tried to contain your excitement in front of him, but your heart felt like it was about to burst inside your chest.

"Okay, cool. Merci."

With that, you left the kitchen and made your way upstairs hurriedly, heart beating faster with every step you took.

Finally, you opened the door to your room and your eyes immediately caught Matt's figure. He was sitting on your bed, a book in hands as he waited for you. You stayed at the door for a small instant, grinning warmly as he looked up, allowing you to finally make eye contact.

"Hi. Can you hear me?"

Matt set the book down and nodded, then you walked over to him, standing between his legs. You cupped his face and caressed his cheeks with your thumbs, taking in all of him. His hair was a bit longer than the last time you had seen him.

"I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you too."

You leaned in and pressed your lips together for the first time in five months, your hands sliding to the back of his head as the kiss deepened. You pulled away after a little less than a minute, catching your breath.

"What are you doing here? How— how did you afford it?" you asked a bit awkwardly, referring to his surgery as you noticed the implants on his ear.

"I had to sell my stuff." he shugged. "Guitars, synth, my car. Anything I could find, really." he chuckled sadly, lowering his head. Your face dropped at his words and a small silence settled in the room before he broke it with the smallest voice. "I'm sorry."

"Hey...there's nothing to apologise for." you said, lifting his chin up to peck his lips once again. He shook his head, refusing to make eye contact with you as tears welled up in his eyes. Then he climbed further up the bed silently, his back now resting against the headboard. You followed, situating yourself next to him.

"I ruined everything. The tour, the band, us." Everything."

"You didn't ruin anything. You couldn't control what happened, Matt. You know that." you tried to comfort him, scratching the back of his head with your fingertips. He scoffed a bit at your answer, still avoiding eye-contact.

"I can't get back to drumming, Y/N. I can never go back to how my life was before."

There was a pause before he finally dared to look at you. His eyes were red from holding back tears, cheeks streaked and flushed, the sight causing your face to visibly soften. You opened your mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Instead you looked down, fidgeting with the ring on your index finger and the room went silent. You knew things would never be the same, but you still took the news like a bullet. A couple more seconds passed and you took a small breath before climbing onto his lap gently.

A bitter, sad smile curved on your lips as you looked at him, hands cupping both sides of his head, gently rubbing your thumbs and occasionally wiping a few tears from his cheeks while you fought with great difficulty to hold yours in. First you kissed his forehead then you rested yours against it, noses brushing.

"I love you." you whispered, closing your eyes as you felt a tear escape and roll down your cheek. "I love you so much."

You pulled away just a bit and signed "I love you" to him in sign language to emphasise your words. He signed it back to you and you wrapped your arms around him, cradling his head against your chest as you mumbled comforting words, your hands rubbing his back and hair soothingly as you cried silently.

[lukasthemedic]

Property Brothers Fic

Original posting date - 2016 A03 works

Renovation Hell

Chapter 1

Jonathan gently rubs his fingers against his temples, leaning down on the counter above his barely touched chicken and fruit salad. His hands and arms are covered in particles from this current reno, his legs ache to the point he can barely stand it. Actually, all of him aches. He's been working so hard, so many late nights into early mornings. The unbelievable requests of these homeowners, more additions the further into the already crunched timeline they gave him. Barking orders, stalling the installation of most of the lower level of the house still. He is generally pretty calm, easy going. But he can barely continue to take the filming with this couple.

Jonathan's phone rings, a vivid reminder that he isn't off work, even when he is. "Hey, this is Jonathan." He says as professionally as he can manage into the speaker, keeping one hand leaning against his now throbbing head. He already knows who it is before he even gets an answer back on the staticky other end. "Yeah, I know it looks like it's not coming together as quickly as you had wanted it, but I can assure you--" He's cut off by more hasty, obnoxious comments being spewed from the other line of the husband and wife duo.

The door creaks open quickly and Drew is careful to shut it quietly, with ease. He knows how difficult this renovation has been on Jonathan, how much work he has had to put into it. How much work it has been on all of them, the whole crew.

"I understand, and I know that you'll be the ones living in the house, seeing it for the rest of your lives. But I can assure you, I am going to make the deadline and ensure all of your requests have been met. How about I bring over some new options for the kitchen backsplash and countertops tomorrow morning and you can meet me there and take a look." He blankly explains, as calmly as possible. He gently taps his fingers against his fork, regretting the portion of his salad he already consumed. The insults and stabbing remarks about his work make his stomach turn. He's hates this aspect of trying to be a helpful person to everyone. He should have known, this evening like all the rest, wouldn't come without an interrupting, hellish phone call.

Drew takes a sharp, shaky breathe and makes his way towards his twin, careful to keep himself quiet when he grabs wine glasses and pours them both extremely large servings, sitting down across from Jonathan at the kitchen bar.

Jonathan's face turns a deep scarlet, rolling his eyes as he continues to keep himself from snapping under more demands of the clients on the other end. His palms are sweaty, and Drew can tell he is getting more and more frustrated by the way that his brothers hand tenses up under his when he tries to slide it over his while he taps it against his fork, silently pleading with him to keep his cool.

"Yes, I completely understand. I'll be there as early as you need me to get my work out of the way. I'm sorry there have been so many inconvenient steps for you. I appreciate the opportunity to be able to work with you on your dream home."

"Yeah, dream home is an extremely shit description for having to work with your incompetent crew. I can't believe we have to deal with all of this bullshit. You better be there in the morning when I get there!" Drew hears the guy on the other end of the line yelling at his brother, putting no ease into the way he slams into Jonathan's. Drew is thankful when the guy decides to hang up on him, abruptly ending the phone call, allowing Jonathan to put his phone down and rest his hands against his temples again.

"Hey, don't listen to that." Drew quietly offers to his brother, pushing the drink closer to him. "You know you're the best. They always just get a little frustrated when they can't see the bigger picture until it's finished."

"Yeah, a little." Jonathan scoffs, pushing the wine glass away from him. "I'm not in the mood."

Jonathan finally looks up, Drew melts in his deep green eyes glaring across the room. Drew can tell he is hurt, knowing he is looking at everything around them, avoiding the contact of his own eyes.

Jonathan downs the glass of wine he slid across from himself earlier and stands up, cleaning off his plate and putting it away.

Drew carefully watches him, finally seeing his brother relax a little, and hopes that the rest of the evening can be less tense. Jonathan grabs a bottle of whiskey from their bar and downs a good amount, nearly finishing off what they have left of it. "Do you remember what you said in that interview yesterday." Jonathan asks his brother, not allowing it as a question, rather as a cold statement. He puts the whiskey back, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge and facing back to stand with his brother, now face to face with him.

"What do you mean?" Drew sighs, trying to plead with his twin to turn his mood around, not wanting to focus on anything else that could come between them at this point.

Jonathan scoffs, " you don't remember when you gave a tour of the house and told the reporter about how we sleep in separate rooms. How we're not even allowed to come in one another's." Jonathan says coldly, looking back at Drew with daggers in his warm eyes. Drew can see the hurt and confusion on his brothers face, realising just how much he's already had to deal with today, and then bring this back up.

"Jonathan, you know I didn't mean that. She was suspicious. I had to redirect her, you know how much all of this means, for our personal life to stay private and separate from our shows." Drew takes a step closer to his brother, trying to grab for his hips and slide him closer in. "I can only imagine what will be said at the Google interview this weekend for our book." He whispers into Jonathan's ear. "Fanfiction, if we're lucky." He gently kisses his jawline and laughs into his neck.

The master bed room wasn't shown in the tour of their house. In fact, the two rooms that were staged as their own are two of the guests rooms. They have a lot of traffic during shows that are shot in the area, generally having enough rooms in the house and space for the crew to stay, either with them or their parents.

"I'm sorry I'm snapping at you. This renovation is just really difficult. I'm so tired of everyone else feeling like they're the contractors here and not me. Telling me how to do my job, all the extra steps." Jonathan sighs, letting Drew pull him closer. "I missed you today. I didn't see you." He mumbles, hoping Drew will want to stay up for awhile and relax with him even though they have a long day of shooting tomorrow. Two shows, and an interview in the evening. Plus they have an early flight at the end of the week for their Google interviews, which means nights spent in uncomfortable hotel rooms and very little sleep, if any. They always get things booked so tight together when they have to leave the state, so they can accomplish so much in such a little time.

Drew leans in, pulling him as close as their bodies will allow, sculpting to one another. He runs his hands down the sides of his brothers body and bites on his lip, leaving Jonathan shivering with the release of finally having his twin there with him.

Jonathan pulls Drew closer, almost falling into him, completely exhausted and enveloped into his brothers arms, "let's go take a shower and find something to watch." Drew pulls Jonathan's chin up to plant another quick kiss on his lips, pulling his brother along with him up the stairs to the bathroom.

Every stair is another painful reminder to Jonathan that he has so much to finish tomorrow and each step he takes towards the bathroom puts another step in his head about the project. "That guy is such an asshole." He mutters, following suit of his brother towards the bathroom at the end of the hall.

"I know, but don't let it bother you. Soon this reno will be over and we will be on to bigger and better things. Surely with nicer people." He calmly says, hopeful that he is right, because he knows that Jonathan can't take much more. He always has the bulk of the work, and the weight of the projects on him. No wonder he is always at his end.

Jonathan sits on the edge of the bed, plopping his head back and resting his arms under his neck. He could fall asleep so easily right now if he wanted to. But he really needs to stay up and work on some designs for the house, some of the "finishing touches" that the couple has emailed him, adding to the list. "Are you good?" Drew questions, placing an uneasy hand on his brothers thigh, leaning down, towering over his face.

"Yeah." Jonathan sighs. "I just have so much to catch up on now. I'll have to stay up all night toying with these new designs and have to be there really early in the morning. I'm just worn out. I do this for a living. I shouldn't feel this way." He mumbles, arching his back and tossing his hands over his eyes, shielding them from his brothers wondering looks.

Jonathan is a little bit tipsy from the drinks he had earlier, but not enough to feel any better about the situation.

He feels his brothers warm hands travel closer into his thighs, hearing the bed creak as he uses it to get on his knees and feels him rest his head between his legs, face planted in the comforter. "This reno sucks." Drew mumbles, muffled by the bed. He takes a deep breath and brings his head back up to rest on his twins warm legs

Chapter 2

"I know just what you need." Drew says with a sly smirk on his face, peering up at his twin from between his thighs, eyes traveling up his chest. Drew pulls himself up to hover over his brother and adjusts his legs on either side of his twin's hips, gazing down at him. "How bad do you want me?" He mercilessly grins, grabbing a fistful of Jonathan's drywall covered flannel, drawing his lips closer to his face.

Jonathan can't help but melt under the dark stare that Drew is giving him, peering down, grasping his shirt so tightly that his knuckles are beginning to turn white. Just when Jonathan thought that this day was a definite drag down. He knows his brother is always going to be there for him, in more ways than he ever imagined. "Bad, please." Jonathan whines from under his grasp, from the weight of his body grinding down on him. He can't help it when Drew plays him like this, because his brother knows that when he can't have what he wants, he desires it more. Drew loves making his brother beg for him, and Jonathan grows evermore excitedly every time he has to wait for what is coming. "Please, Drew. I want you so ba-" Jonathan is cut off from his twin's mouth, grabbing down and biting hard on his lip, moaning into his brother's mouth. He runs his mouth, slowly along his lips, giving deep tender kisses, careful to keep watching. He loves when Jonathan squirms under him from his touch, head arching back against the bed, eyes closed with anticipation building. "God, yes. Mhmm." Jonathan groans, his brother tracing his lips down his cheek, his jawline. He runs his hands down his sides, pulling his shirt up to expose his bare skin. Jonathan's muscles ache even more from the cool air hitting his exhausted body and he grinds his teeth together, letting out a slow roll of breath between his locked jaws. "Give it to me, Drew." He begs as his brother continues to run his hands and mouth over his chest, looking up to meet his brother's glare only for a second before he continues to trail his mouth down his stomach to his jeans.

"You have to be patient, haven't you learned anything?" Drew chuckles, reaching to unbutton his jeans and slide them carefully down to his ankles, so Jonathan can successfully kick them off onto the floor where his wrinkled and dirty shirt is already piled and waiting. Jonathan knows that Drew will wash him carefully and slowly in the shower, cuddle with him in bed and watch Chopped, or something ridiculous that he loves watching and Drew can't stand, just to make him happy. He knows that even after he's asleep and warm and content, that Drew will grab all of his dirty clothes and wash them before coming to bed. He knows that he will go back and clean up the mess in the kitchen that Jonathan makes when he's so exhausted from coming home and working that all he can think about is something quick enough and a drink to dull the previous hours pain so that he can crawl into bed and manage to get an hour or two of sleep before he hauls back to the renovation site. Jonathan knows that his brother will do this for him, because he loves him.

So, Jonathan is patient, with his brother's touch and his games. Because he knows how Drew enjoys their evenings together. It is rare when they have time together during renovations, shows, flights, etc. He knows that being at home with his twin's touch and his full attention is something he should be patient with. He knows that this game of head now will follow with a blissful shower. That Drew will come back upstairs after cleaning and making some late business calls to producers and emails to interviews and hopeful homebuyers for the show, to cuddle into his brother's warmth while he sleeps and carefully weave himself into his body, trying to wake him and get his attention. That he will want to make him wake up, aroused, and begging to have sex from the touch of Drew. That he will fall back asleep in the arms of his finally equally exhausted brother and they will sleep until the morning draws them up for a quick shower before being dragged back into the hell of this renovation. Jonathan remembers how much he dreads going to the site in the morning and his face becomes less relaxed and content with his brother's touch and he feels Drew stop moving over him.

"I know that look." Drew sighs, pulling himself back up to look into Jonathan's eyes. Drew's eyebrows furrow and he leans down closer to his brother so their mouths are almost touching, Jonathan works at cramming the thoughts back because he hates to think of anything else besides Drew when he is this intimate with him. "Just relax." Drew mumbles, placing one quick sloppy kiss on his twin's lips and travels back down to his briefs. Drew pulls at the tight band with his teeth, grabbing Jonathan's hard cock over the fabric separating them from touching. Drew moans, a deep and intense feeling of pleasure washes over him as he feels his brother throb under his grip. "Please, touch me. I want more." Jonathan begs, grabbing for his underwear. He feels his hand restrained to his side, Drew grinning down at him. "You don't get to decide when it's time. Don't threaten me to make you wait longer." He chuckles, releasing his brothers hand, and going back to his work. He kisses Jonathan over the fabric and shivers, hearing the moans work out from his brother's mouth. Deep growls starting at the back of his throat and escaping every time Drew breathes more hot air onto Jonathan's hard cock. He can barely contain himself any longer, and Drew must know that he is getting more and more restless, because he swiftly pulls his briefs off and tosses them down into the pile with the rest of the clothes.

"I've been waiting all day for you." Drew smirks, slowly drawing his eyes up to meet his brother's desperate stare. He gently kisses his twin on either side of his warm thighs, gently grabbing his balls with one cupped hand, and holding the other under his thigh, careful to be too rough. He knows that Jonathan likes it when he's rough, but after today he just wants to give him something to relax to. Drew finally slides his brother's twitching hot cock in his mouth, already feeling the precum on his tongue as he lets it dance against his brother's skin. He gently slides his fingers against Jonathan's thigh and back to his ass, feeling him arch against his touch, watching his body beg for more. He carefully inserts a finger into him, running his mouth hot down the full length of his cock over and over, making sure Jonathan is getting what he wants. He works his finger against his brother's grinding, begging and ready for more. "God, fuck, please. Yes, Drew, yes." Jonathan is barely able to get the words out of his mouth at the expense of the work his brother's mouth is doing on him. Jonathan places his hands in either side of Drew's head and pushes him downwards onto himself more. Drew loves it when Jonathan has to force him to be more rough. He knows that his brother can barely contain himself without his touch. Drew adds a second finger, slipping his mouth off of his cock and biting down on his thigh. Drew can feel his own skin brushing up tight against his slacks, his cock throbbing so hard he can barely keep the pulsing in his head drowned out, making his eyes weak and his body hungry for more.

Drew carefully laughs, nervously, looking up at his brother. He keeps his hands moving so that his fingers are in sync with Jonathan's grinding body. "I can't wait. I was going to wait, but I can't do it." Drew exclaims, pulling his fingers out from his prepared twin. He is met with the same running thoughts from his brother, when Jonathan quickly leans up, unbuttoning the dress shirt his brother is in, throwing tie, shirt and undershirt all on the floor as hastily as he can. "If you're too tired, we can wait. I don't have to." Drew suggests, facing his brother.

"Shut up." Jonathan rolls his eyes, pulling Drew closer in for a kiss. "I'm never too tired for my time with you." He mumbles into his mouth, grabbing for his slacks and popping the button undone and quickly sliding them off. Drew topples over his brother again, grinding his briefs against Jonathan's hot bare skin, his cock begging to release from all the pressure and teasing. Drew can't say he already doesn't feel the same tension in his own body.

Drew quickly pulls off his own briefs, leaning down for one more quick kiss on Jonathan's neck, hot air makes Jonathan shiver again against his brothers touch. "I love you so much. You know that right." Jonathan's face becomes a deep red, shying away from his brothers fleeting glance as he waits for his comment. Drew pulls Jonathan's face up to look at his by the chin, cupping his jaw. "It's okay." Drew smiles, placing another kiss on his lips. Drew knows how Jonathan feels about talking about love with his brother. He knows that he loves him just as much, but he's always so hesitant to say it when they're having sex. He always assumed that it's connected to the act and not his real emotions, so most of the time Drew just assumed he knows he's being honest and takes the fact alone that he knows Jonathan loves him even if he doesn't say it back often during these times. Jonathan is much more reserved about showing his emotions, especially after how rough it was for Jonathan in his childhood. He's never came right out and said it, but Drew knows. Regardless, Drew can feel his brothers love radiate from him, and that's enough.

"Spit." Drew demands, holding his hand out for Jonathan to take, and he does as he's told. Drew grabs his hard, throbbing cock, running his hand with Jonathan's saliva down it and gently thrusts into Jonathan. "Goddamnit, you feel so fucking good." Jonathan groans, pumping his body to meet the rhythm of his twin, begging for more. Drew continues to thrust harder and harder as Jonathan moans with pleasure while he grinds his body back against Drew's. Drew slides his free hand that isn't helping to balance between his brothers legs and smoothly runs his hand against Jonathan's hard needy cock. He can feel the anticipation building, knowing that Jonathan has had so much foreplay that he can barely contain himself. Drew's thrusting with his hand sliding against Jonathan won't let the him last much longer under the pressure. Drew doesn't think he can last much longer himself at how tight and perfect Jonathan feels under him.

"God Drew, harder, please. Make me come, I'm so close." Jonathan pants, his brother sliding his hand against his shaft quicker and quicker, pounding harder into him. His own eyes are becoming steadily more heavier with the weight of his own orgasm quick approaching. "Fuck Drew, I'm gonna come, I'm coming." Jonathan grabs the comforter around him, gripping fists of whatever he can reach. He throws his head back, spilling warm all down his brothers quick moving hand, down onto his stomach. Drew can barely continue to thrust after watching the pleasure he entertained on his brother, working in harder and harder each time he slams into Jonathan. "Fuck, fuck, Jonathan." He moans, slamming into him a final time, thighs shaking hard from the instant release he feels, soaking up the bliss from the orgasm. Drew slowly pulls out from his brother and lazily hovers over him, licking what Jonathan left for him on his stomach snd twitching cock. "You're always so good." Drew exclaims, sheepishly biting down on his lip, giving his brother a look of lust and hunger. Jonathan pulls his brother down for a sloppy, exhausted kiss before Drew slides off the side of the bed and drags Jonathan behind him towards the shower.

Jonathan is so exhausted, he could fall asleep right now, but Drew turns the steaming water on and Jonathan is instantly enveloped with the warm droplets of water hitting him as his brother adjusts the shower temperature just right. "Come on, I'll wash you." Drew motions for his twin to step into the shower, under the hot stream of water and Jonathan is instantly in heaven. He keeps his eyes closed and focuses on staying awake as Drew hums, massaging shampoo and working it into his hair. He is concerned when Drew stops, but is again relieved when he runs the sponge all over his body with soap, careful to relax every sore muscle that had to deal with the crazy couple on the renovation today.

After Drew finishes washing Jonathan off, he washes himself and dries them both off, padding warm and clean feet towards the bedroom again so he can find them something comfortable to get into. Though they haven't ever discussed it, neither one of them is particular to sleeping without clothes on, even together. Drew slides on some warm flannel sleeping pants and a shirt and hands Jonathan some shorts and a t-shirt as well to throw on while Drew searches the channels to find the chopped marathon Jonathan is so obsessed with every night they get together. Drew is the cold blooded one, it seems, and Jonathan is always so hot when he sleeps, so he can barely keep shorts on, let alone flannel pants to keep him warmer. Drew secretly thinks that Jonathan assumes he will pick up more recipes to make for him, since Drew is the cook of the two, and thinks about teasing him about it, but doesn't. He sees how's relaxed and calm Jonathan finally is, heading towards the bed to greet Drew who has successful found the right channel and pulled back the comforter enough for Jonathan to cuddle up close to him.

Jonathan snuggles up next to his brother, Drew throwing an arm over him. He knows he should be working on the stuff he needs to take to the site tomorrow, but he just wants to relax and enjoy his brother's presence while he falls asleep. He knows that Drew will get up after he falls asleep and work on some stuff for him while he's checking emails and whatnot. Drew is always there to catch the remainder of what Jonathan doesn't get done in a day, and he is so thankful that his brother is there for him when he can't be there for himself. Jonathan tries to stay awake while they're starting the dessert round on this episode, because he doesn't think he has seen it before, but Drew's hand rubbing circles in his hair softly is becoming too much to keep his heavy eyes open. "I do love you, Drew. More than you could ever imagine." Jonathan mumbles into his brother's side, quickly drifting off between powdered sugar, raw shrimp, and the quiet chuckle of his brother as he realizes that he was finally answering him back from earlier. And no; Drew thinks, as he begins to open his laptop to work on emailing, you don't love me more than I could ever imagine, because my love for you is unmeasurable.

[search-for-light]

ShawMila or ShowMila?

ShawMila - the ship name/friendship name (depends who you ask)

ShowMila - the publicity stunt/PR name (personally I find the name's a bit mean and have only used it to present a distinction)

Before I get started, let me make it clear that this post is not an attempt to diss Camila or Shawn. It's simply presenting a personal view point. PRs are not always under the control of the artists involved. That does NOT mean the artists are lying. It's a part of the industry and contracts that fans may not appreciate but should not blame the artists for.

Okay, here we go...

This is almost an old topic since they've been seen together for quite a while now and there have been a lot of speculations. But earlier today I came across a new video on this that I want to share at the end along with my take on the whole thing thus far. It's going to be a long post so bear with me. Or skip to the end for the video. 🤷‍♀️

Shawn and Camila have been friends forever and ever since I Know What You Did Last Summer, fans have been stanning the two. Needless to say, there are A LOT of ShawMila fans and everyone has been aching for a second collab.

The build-up started in June with us getting the first pics leaked and the promos of Señorita began full on. But when everyone saw the music video, it was a frenzy considering how close and steamy the two got. It was every stans' dream. Stans were analysing if the two actually kissed. From my perspective, that's a negative. The overlapping images seemed to be trying to create an illusion of sensuality nothing more. Though there may have been a few light brushes of the lips here and there. Moreover, Camila admitted both she and Shawn very nervous about the whole shoot and said she drank a lot wine to calm herself.

Presuming they were attracted to each other forever as fans claim, shouldn't they have been more excited than nervous to be shooting such a romantic song? Although it's reasonable for one to be more nervous kissing a friend or someone you've considered your brother the way Camila has. 🙃

That was just the start. A bunch of Shawn and Camila pictures together began making the rounds almost immediately where the two seemed to be awfully close, almost intimate, with each other. This is what made it highly suspicious. Just the timing of it all. Camila had been papped with Matthew as late as May and there was hardly any time after that when the split was announced.

Of the many photos that came out, the infamous cactus pic has to be one of the most bizarre. Shawn looks right at the pap. They know they are going to get snapped so they hang around and give the pap exactly what he could sell.

An interesting anon conversation on the blog @ashotofblues revealed that you need a permit to take pictures at a residential area. So those paps were there because they were invited to take the pictures.

On July 6th videos came out of fans asking Shawn on his tour if he's dating Camila Cabello to which he furiously shakes his head *no*.

July 13, a video of Shawn and Camila kissing in a cafe is leaked. It starts with Shawn awkwardly looking around and adjusting himself and Camila seems to ready herself and face him. And Shawn puts his arm around her and they start brushing against each other's face? To be honest, I *really* wanted to see them share a kiss but this was the most awkward two people have looked kissing each other that I've EVER seen. It felt like they had never kissed anyone in their life. I almost feel bad for them. Another odd thing about this video was that there was literally no reaction from the person capturing this rare moment. And they managed to be set up at the right place at the right time. Strange we didn't see more of that. Why did they stop recording?

A few days after we get yet another leaked picture of the two kissing.

Close up I found on Twitter but sourced to @ashotofblues:

The kiss looks like something you'd see two children attempt. Or what kissing your "brother" might look like. 😭 (Unless you're the Lannisters)

Fans have tried to get Shawn Mendes to admit he's dating Camila in various ways but he simply ignores the question. In a latest video, he simply walked out of the Q&A session.

Maybe I'm different but if I was dating someone and we were caught together and he was avoiding answering questions about us, I would find that HIGHLY FISHY and almost as though he's ashamed to have been caught seen with me. But maybe that's me? Then again if I was trying to keep my relationship on the down low, I wouldn't be making out in public places to begin with. If celebs WANT to be secretive, they have people who make it possible. If they want to be spotted, their people make that possible as well.

I don't believe Shawn is that jerk of a guy to deny someone he's actually in a relationship with. The only way I can explain all of his behaviour is that this is an obvious publicity stunt but he can't exactly admit to it. That would defeat the purpose and would be in violation of his contract. Nor does he want to lie to his fans and claim he is dating Camila. At least I don't believe he would lie. It would be easier to simply ignore the question altogether. Fans will make of it whatever they will. When he said no, I believed him but his management just messed up and didn't prep him for the questions. Even when he was asked about love, he seemed flustered.

Back in January, he tweeted these specific lyrics which I found interesting.

There are other things that fans have tried to prove as signs that they are in a relationship. Him liking her posts on Instagram instantly. Do fans not realise that often the posts are not even posted by the artist themselves but they have social media managers for that sort of thing? I have never been able to like even a friend's post in a matter of seconds let alone Shawn liking them while he was supposed to be on stage.

Another was him following a jewellery account which fans tied to him buying Camila a necklace that she had apparently been wearing for a week already. PRs are MADE for fans like these. It helps both artists increase sales and currently both are the 2nd and 3rd most listened artists on Spotify.

Even though I love both as artists and genuinely ship their friendship, I find it a little hard to believe this is something other than a PR. I don't hold it against them. It's part of their contract and not in their control. However, sometimes these can be intense and affect the health of the artists involved which is why I try not to focus on it as much as their music which is why I'm a fan in the first place. Everything else is secondary.

Finally, coming to the video that motivated me to writing this post.

Do remember that they are human beings. We don't know what they are going through except what they allow us to see. Please do not use my views or views of others as a reason to harass them. If you like them, support them as artists. Because they have value beyond their relationships.

[getitinbusan]

Jungkook friends to lovers, angst and smut. Inspired by Lana Del Rey's California. Please leave feedback if you'd like more.

It was a rare rainy August day in California, the heavy drops creating a melody on the window as you put the dishes away. You were tired, lonely and the feeling you had in your gut kept nagging at you, maybe it was time to give up. Well into the second month of not making rent, it was only a matter of time before your roommates would stop exchanging house cleaning duties for money. Standing in the kitchen feeling stupid, It had taken way longer than it should have to come to the realization that in LA you were nothing, not pretty enough, rich enough, skinny enough or talented enough. 

Gathering up the mail that was strewn across the countertop, you shuffled through to sort priority. Junk mail, bills, personal… one standing out in particular. The penmanship was nice, black ink, unassuming envelope, but it was the stamp that caught your attention, it was sent from Korea. The top had already been torn, the letter having been read, was cradled back safely inside. Addressed to your roommate a frown crept onto your face, why wouldn't he write you? It was a ridiculously  hopeful notion but you widened the envelope and inhaled trying to find his fragrance, something to trigger a happy memory. How many times had you borrowed his sweater just to have his smell on your skin? Cool California nights were the best excuse to wrap yourself in his scent. You missed him, it had been a year and a half since he'd last come around.

It was too tempting to resist, your fingers pinched the paper inside of the envelope and pulled it free. 

"I'm feeling low, I don't know who I am, only who I'm supposed to be. What would life be like if I had stayed in California? We could all be roomates, hanging out and having fun, going to the beach on weekends. Does she even think about me? It sounds greedy that with how much I have right now, it's not enough, I would give anything to wake up everyday in bed beside her. I want more than anything to be able to talk to her about these things but I can't, I made the mistake of trading her for fame and now I'm destined to keep her at an arm's length so she'll never know the price I paid. How does she even see me now?  Just an Idol? Has she forgotten the days we spent together? I've been wrestling with myself, whoever that is. I wish I could be the teenage boy from that long ago summer again. I wrote this song thinking about it…"

~When I see you smile in the screen

You're good at everything

You're just perfect

Feels like I've never been you

Do you even see me?

Do you know who I am?

Or how do I look now?

You don't like me like that

I want to be your decalcomania~

"I'm afraid I may not get back for a while,  please write. Your friendship and thoughts of Y/N are the only things that are keeping me tethered to some semblance of reality."

JK

Clutching the letter to your chest your mind took you back to that day. "Decalcomania, the art or process of transferring pictures and designs. Making a copy of the original on a different medium"  You'd both laughed at the strange name, reading the description of the art on the museum wall during your visit so long ago.  

California had lured you into its promise when you'd just turned 14. Having been accepted to The Movement Lifestyle Studios intensive dance program in LA you left all your friends for the summer. You were going to be discovered! It was July and it was hot, the dancers stepping off the bus one at a time to take their places in the studio. Looking around there were so many older kids, you were probably one of the youngest. They called out names and put you into groups, it appeared to be by age and you made your way to the tiny gathering of four. Shy introductions were made as one more member was ushered over to where you had congregated, "This is Jungkook." He had the cutest smile and barely spoke english but his eyes twinkled like the constellations.

Immediately drawn to each other you became fast friends. Absolutely exhausted at the end of the first few days he'd knocked at your door. He was homesick and lonely, used to being surrounded by his six members and he couldn't sleep well without someone beside him. You let him crawl into bed with you, you were 14 and it was innocent.  Inseparable, days were spent side by side and the others referred to you as the twins. It was the best summer of your life. Promising through tears to keep in touch and stay friends you went your separate ways. 

Jungkook would send silly videos of his practice sessions, goofing around with the other members.  He'd facetime and text but he always loved to send handwritten letters. They lived in a box under your bed and contained stories of how hard he was working to become an idol. He always signed off with an I miss you and a few lines of lyrics he'd written. You didn't know then how important they would become, the only tangible piece of him you could still hold on to.  

Whenever he came back to America you did everything you could to see him. You went to the small tour stops when they came through in 2015, KCon in 2016, but 2017 was different. Facetiming you with the news that they were bringing the Wings tour to NY, Chicago and Anaheim, he asked if you'd be part of the dance crew. How could you turn down two weeks with Jungkook? They were getting bigger, more popular and their lives were changing. 

Jungkook would sneak you into his hotel room so you could spend the nights catching up. He had rules, the fans came first and girls were 

not allowed. Even though it was just friendship it could be easily misconstrued, everything had to be done in secret. The boys would bring in food and cover for him while you both stayed locked away out of sight. While you were happy to be with him, you could tell there was an underlying sadness he was holding on to. "I wish I could go and explore the city with you, like we used to," his voice trailed off. You were laying in each other's arms cuddling on his bed.  Leaning over he kissed the top of your head, "All I wanted was to take you on a proper date. I've been waiting so long to become someone, to become a man worthy of your affection. Now I'm stuck, I have everything and I'm not allowed to share it with you." His arms gripped you tighter, "I'm sorry, this is a terrible confession. I don't expect you to love me back, not under these circumstances, I just need you to know, you're the only girl I've ever loved and there won't be anybody else, ever." 

You remembered every word of his confession,  every moment of that last night in the hotel room. The words of a 19 year old boy whose life had become bigger than the feelings of two people. He left in the morning without knowing, too afraid to tell him, you loved him too.  

LA became home right after the tour left Anaheim. Focused on dancing, if you became good enough maybe you could tour with him. A letter with a big bouquet of flowers arrived a few weeks later.  

"Congratulations on your new house in LA! I hope that all of you are getting along as roommates, it's hard living with others sometimes. Last night I dreamt that I was there with you and all our friends, we were having a party on the beach and we sat together and watched the sunset. Remember after practice we would skateboard as fast as we could to the ocean so we wouldn't miss the colors? Maybe one day my toes can feel the sand there again. I miss you, I miss me… the me I am when I get to be with you. We are coming back in November for a few days and I'm hoping I can see you, I'm lonely already.   

Jungkookie

~Won't you please stay in dreams

I can hear the sea from far away

Across the dream, over the bush

Go there where it becomes clear

Take my hands now

You are the cause of my euphoria

When I'm with you, I'm in utopia~

When The AMAs came, all of your friends in LA were involved with the awards production. Your roommates helped organize the coup to steal Jungkook away so you could take him on a real date. Having enlisted Namjoon to help, the boys would cover for his whereabouts. The day before the awards they were only scheduled for styling, as long as he wasn't late for the press rounds the next afternoon your plan could work. It was Namjoon's job to get Jungkook out of the building. Telling him to follow his lead, Joon convinced the managers that Kook must have eaten something bad for lunch and wasn't feeling well, he was whisked away to meet you at the hotels back receiving door. Sitting in the shiny red rented convertible you tossed him a pair of sunglasses, what you wouldn't give now to see that smile again. Barely giving him time to get in you'd sped away heading straight for In And Out Burger. "Jungkookie, I hope your ready for the best day of your life! We're going to eat until we explode, drink and party at the beach and then instead of returning you to your 5 star fancy hotel you're staying the night in my crappy little house with a tiny uncomfortable bed!!" He laughed, so pure and happy, thinking about it now made you sad. Was that the last time he got to be his true self, Jeong-guk the man not Jungkook the personna? 

Knowing you only had one day to give him everything, one day to show him you loved him, you tried to make the best of it. Picking up the food Jungkook held onto the red and white bags in the passenger seat, sneaking his hand in to steal fries when he thought you weren't looking. If you weren't sure you were in love with him before you you certainly were now.

Pulling up beside the tree on the beach he was stunned, "Ahhh Jagi, I can't believe you brought me here." Happy that it meant as much to him as it did to you, you both sat on the branch and ate. Two blocks from the old studio it used to be your escape, every break you'd make your way to the tree for a time alone, together. 

With the burgers done he turned to you and smiled,  it felt like he wanted to say something, cutting him short you pulled him up and back towards the car. Making your way to the Movement studio the students were starstruck when he walked in. After insisting that he teach some choreography, he reluctantly led the class. Your eyes were glued to him as he moved in front of the mirrors, no longer that awkward teenager but a full grown man mesmerizing you with every move. You were careless, It didn't take long for the photos to hit social media. Getting back to the car he stopped you before you reached for the handle. Putting his arms around you he pulled you in close, "You stink Jungkook, I think our next stop is the ocean" You remember pulling away, how stupid you were, you should have held on to him longer. Reaching into the back seat you revealed a pair of swim shorts and a towel. He looked disappointed that you kept interrupting his attempts at intimacy, but you had a plan and limited time to execute it. 

The Ocean was perfect, and the wind was warm, he came out of the change room with the shorts on but was still wearing his shirt. "Kookie, this isn't Korea, you don't have to be so modest here AND you may not believe it but when your skin is sunkissed… you look like a god." He raised his eyebrows and quickly removed the shirt at your request. Running into the water you splashed and played and he took great pleasure in picking you up and throwing you as far as he could. The sun was getting ready to set and you wanted to dry off before the cooler air set in. Leading him out of the water you both laid down on the towel. He put his arm around you under your neck and you cuddled into his side. "My god Jungkookie,  look at your abs!" He blushed like crazy as you traced the muscles on his stomach. "Stop, it tickles." he giggled. But you didn't, you kept tickling him until he held you so tight you couldn't move. He had you pinned and flipping you on your back he shook his wet hair flinging water droplets all over you. Pleased with himself he leaned in closer to you, his eyes asking for permission to kiss you. As the gap between you got narrower you could hear his name being shouted and footsteps running closer. He flopped onto his back and sighed as your roommates and friends piled on top of him. Eating, drinking and catching up with everyone you watched each other from across the bonfire. Moving from person to person he slowly made his way back to your side. "Welcome back, Kookie," running your hand through the back of his hair it was now or never.  Pulling him closer your lips finally met in the way they were destined, soft, slow and full of love. His hands instinctively moved to cup your face as the world stopped around you. "I love you," you whispered, nose to nose he smiled and it was the most beautiful thing you'd ever seen. It didn't last long, his phone started going off incessantly. The managers knew, the photos and videos from the studio had been discovered online. "I'm so sorry Kook, I didn't mean for you to get in trouble." His eyes turned hungry as he grabbed your hand. "Let's get out of here, you promised I wouldn't be going back to my hotel tonight." If he was going to get in trouble anyway, why stop now?  

The drive back to your place was quiet,  adrenaline and hormones flowing like electricity through you both. The time for smiling was over as the seriousness of the situation hung in the air. It wasn't just being in trouble or being caught, but the fact that you both knew what was going to happen when you stepped into your bedroom. One act that would change everything between you, holding the power to change the dynamic of your relationship forever. Leading him to your room you closed the door and stood staring at him as he sat on your bed. He raked his fingers through his hair before he spoke, "I've never wanted anything more in my life than to be able to make love to you. BUT I also know that when I leave I'm not going to get to see you again for a very long time. Management is going to do everything to keep us apart and that won't be fair to you. I think that maybe we should just let our happy memories of today be enough, I don't want you to get hurt." 

Walking closer you stood between his legs and he wrapped his arms around your waist. "The only way I can be hurt is if I never get to experience all of you. I can't live not knowing how it feels to be totally yours if only for the night." He rested his head against your chest, "You'll always be mine," his hands traveled to the hem of you shirt and his fingers ran over the soft skin of your stomach. Undoing the button of your jeans he slowly slid them down your legs and you stepped out of them.  Standing up he lifted the thin fabric of your shirt over your head and you stood before him waiting as he took his off too. Unclasping your bra he sighed as he looked at you taking in your shape, his fingertips hovering over your hard nipples. "I've never done this before," he confessed. "Me either," you whispered, "So, I guess the bars pretty low." His giggles cut the tension before he pulled you on top of him onto the bed. More relaxed he let his mouth start exploring your body. You were goosebumps and shivers beneath him as his tongue found it's home between your legs. He was soft and careful placing his lips over over your clit,  sucking it in delicately until your moans couldn't be contained any longer. You could feel his eyes burning into you as he watched in awe as his finger slide inside you. "It's good Kookie, please…i can take more." He sighed as his mouth picked up speed and another finger slid in slowly. Moving your hips to meet his mouth you were unravelling quickly, "The way you taste is better than anything I had imagined." Circling your clit between his words you came hard on his tongue. "I made you so wet," he said, impressed with himself. "I need to feel myself inside you." Moving up to where your head lay on the pillow he pushed your damp hair off you face, "are you ok? do you need anything?" he placed his forehead against yours. "Just you Kookie, I love you so much, please… I want you so badly." Moving slowly he lined himself up with your wet entrance. "Tell me if you need me to stop okay?" He pushed slowly and you could feel yourself stretching around him. He watched your face and froze when he saw the tear roll out of the corner of your eye. "I'm so sorry, let's stop, I didn't mean to hurt you." He thumbed away the tear, "No, baby… I'm okay… I'm just so happy, so overwhelmed with how much I'm feeling right now" he smiled down at you, pressing his body closer as he gave another push until he was fully inside you. Your bodies fell into a beautifully choreographed rhythm until Jungkook was so lost in pleasure he began to move at his own pace. Quicker and deeper he moved until he finally spilled into the condom. 

You kissed, and kissed, and kissed until you fell asleep wrapped around each other. Every few hours he'd wake you up, checking to make sure it wasn't a dream, making love each time,  harder and faster. It was 9 am when he caressed you awake once more. "I have to leave soon, I don't want to," he spoke nestled into your neck just under your ear, "Please tell me to stay." Your heart broke at his words, "If I ask you to stay, I'm selfish, you'll always wonder if you made the right decision. If I tell you to go, your dreams come true… " your voice trailed off,  "and I'll always wonder if I made the right decision," he finished. 

Your phone started ringing and you knew time was up. It was Joon, "I'm outside, sorry, I held them off as long as I could. I told them I'd come get him so you could at least have time to say goodbye." Your tears fell out in heavy ugly sobs, "Okay, five minutes… and Joon… thanks, I know you're probably in trouble too." Hanging up you turned back, Jungkook was already out of bed with his clothes thrown on. He stood with open arms waiting, 

 "Thank you for yesterday." Laying your head against his chest you took a moment to listen to his heartbeat. You could hear him sniffle, and knew he was crying. You flashed back remembering that night long ago when he came to you homesick, holding you so he could sleep while he tried to hide his tears. There was a knock at the door and

Namjoon's voice broke through the moment "We've got to go Jungkook." Stepping away you'd left his shirt soaked in tears, handing him his sweater he pushed it back towards you, "keep it." He kissed you one last time and turned the handle opening it to reveal Namjoon. His Hyung put his arm around his shoulder and led him to the car.

Turning one more time he eyes were filled with tears and he gave a small wave before getting in the back of the big black sedan. 

For months you pretended that management was the only thing keeping you apart. You held onto your silly notions until May, they were coming for the Billboard awards. For weeks leading up to them you waited for a message, a secret meeting arrangement, but you got nothing. His image was all over the TV and his voice echoed through you empty heart and then he was gone again. 

Now, here you stood in your kitchen, his letter bringing him to the forefront of your mind,  opening old wounds. He was just as sad as you but what could you do? Picking up a pen you began writing… 

I shouldn't have done it but I read it in your letter

You said to a friend that you wish you were doing better

I wanted to reach out but I never said a thing

You don't ever have to be stronger than you really are

And honey, you don't ever have to act cooler than you think you should

You're brighter than the brightest stars

You're scared to win, scared to lose

I've heard the war was over if you really choose

The one in and around you

You hate the heat, you got the blues

You're changing like the weather, oh, that's so like you

I'll pick you up

I'll catch you on the flipside

If you come back to California

We'll do whatever you want, travel wherever, how far

We'll hit up all the old places

We'll have a party, we can dance till dawn… 

October came and a chill was in the air, the smell of winter hit your nose and you stopped to take it in. Bundled in Jungkook's hoodie you threw your bag over your shoulder and began your walk to work. Movement had hired you on for a new intensive program and today you were going to meet your students. So many memories flooded your mind as you made your way through the familiar neighborhood. It still hurt but things were beginning to feel happy again. Writing the letter had given you closure, he knew how you felt and beyond that there was nothing else you could do. Opening the heavy door to the studio you caught a familiar reflection moving in the mirror writing something on the glass, It couldn't be? Hearing the door click back into place he turned to face you, "Hi." he walked towards you slowly, unsure of what your reaction would be, he approached with caution. "Hi," you were breathless, in the months of not seeing him he'd grown more handsome. "I can't change what happened… and for the rest of my life I'll be sorry for all of the time we missed." He was getting closer,  "But I can't take another day not knowing if I can fix this… somehow…" he reached for your hand. Pulling it back away his head fell in disappointment, "Jungkook, I can't listen to this… look at me," reaching for his chin you pulled his head up until he was facing you again. "I refuse to listen to you apologize for something that was out of your control. Your life was decided before you met me and I can only be grateful that I got to appear in some part of your story" he tilted his head and pressed a small kiss into the hand that was still holding his chin. "God I've missed you" he said as he wrapped his arms tightly around your waist. "How long are you here? I've got to teach class.. It's my first day but I'd love it if we could catch up?" He laughed at you and your knees buckled at the sound of his happiness. Taking his chance he pressed his lips to yours and you could feel the smile forming on his face. "I'm your private lesson Jagi, I've booked you for the next two weeks" Taking a step back you had to ask, "How Jungkook? What will you be giving up?" Pulling you back to his embrace he began to dance with you, "There is no more giving up… on anything. Our contracts were over and I only had one thing I wouldn't negotiate on…that's you." 

Holding you tightly he moved you to look at the mirror,  'I wrote you something"

The only thing I can do

In the garden

In this world

Is to bloom a pretty flower that resembles you

And to breathe as the me that you know

But I still want you

I still want you

"Y/N I promise I'll never let you go again" 

[pbandjesse]

I did not accomplish as much as I was hoping today. But I did technically work 10 hours so I don't feel that bad. I still hate wasting my weekends. I really think I just need to let myself have some lazy days sometimes. And it wasn't a bad day. I got to spend most of it with James and that was good.

Sleeping last night on Taney was fine. I was a little cold a few times and my ankles were weirdly been in my sleeping bag. But besides waking up a few times because of upsetting dreams I actually slept pretty well. I woke up at 4:30 and got washed up. And lay back down until right before 5:30. There was just a lot of sneezing to use that one bathroom so I wanted to make sure I got in with plenty of time. James really didn't want to get up. He didn't sleep very well. So I left him to rest and went up to the kitchen to help Jordan with breakfast.

With how much of a shitshow dinner was last night I was very concerned about breakfast. And guess what I did was exactly as much as a shitshow. The stove wouldn't turn on. So the eggs were about 45 minutes behind. Then someone forgot to put water into the coffee so it was percolating nothing. And we got the time for the first breakfast wrong and so we were not getting the bacon ready until almost 10 minutes after breakfast was supposed to start. Thankfully the groups were very sweet and didn't complain too much. I helped as much as I could with getting first breakfast out and then I was going to go with James to go see some of his program. But Sarah decided I didn't need to. I'm still annoyed by this because I was supposed to be training so that I can do overnights and she kind of pull the whole thing out from under me. I had to force my way into seeing any programs last night and seeing a tour. Thankfully I did get to see James engine room tour and I did enjoy that. Then I helped with his groups breakfast.

I had a little bit of the eggs and some juice for breakfast. I want James to get something to eat but we were out of cereal ever some reason Sarah wouldn't let us pick up more even though there was a whole nother breakfast coming out. She really did not manage the whole thing well. We had 60 people. 6 boxes of cereal was not going to be enough. But whatever. I may or may not send an email to Brian about my concerns about how last night ran but regardless I enjoyed the morning. I was also really just looking forward to going home.

I cleaned up all the tables and try to pick up as much as possible so that we could leave on time. Jordan was cleaning the dishes. And James was finishing his Taurus. Then everybody except for meat was doing morning colors and doing surveys. I was trying to get things cleaned up and packed me in James bags. And then as everyone was leaving Sarah comes over and says that we have to clean all the bathrooms including the ones that we didn't even use for the campers. And then she just gave us like a whole lot of attitude for how things need to go. It was just very annoying. Because we're all very capable. And Jordan has led overnight programs for steel side. So the whole thing just kind of puts a bad taste in your mouth. We're all very capable and to be treated like we're stupid doesn't feel very good. But I mopped and how to finish a few things up. I delegated some tasks to some of the people who were coming in for the daytime crew. Mr. Ed came and he was so sweet to me and gave me a hug and congratulated me on being able to teach and that it's going well. James took over some of the mopping for me and Soon enough we were heading out of there. 958 I clocked us out because I was not going to staying past 10. Me and James by Tone. He kept bugging too far ahead of me and didn't understand the direction I was trying to go. So we ended up going up a hill I didn't want to go out. But it was fine. I was just a little out of breath by the time we got to my neighborhood.

It smelled awful in my apartment we got home. So James took the trash out and I would have cancel. It helped. And then we both took showers. I wash my hair and that help me feel a lot better. Changed into warm clothing because my apartment was 55 degrees. And then we lay down. Poor James didn't actually sleep more than 10 minutes. But I got a good hour and a half. And it was nice just laying with him. We spent the afternoon just kind of being lazy together. Laying around. Watching videos. And just enjoying each other's company. He finished making that one creme brulee for us and it was very good. I liked that was warm. He also made us lunch and it was just a really nice day. Though I feel like he was in the kitchen for far too long and I was alone in the living room for a very long time. So I mostly cuddled with sweet pea.

Jim stayed over until about 4:30. And then he went to his other job. I got up off the couch finally and worked on packing my bag for New York this week. And I cleaned a bit. I vacuumed all the rooms. I unpack and repack my bag when I realize it was going to be 38 degrees on Sunday. But I'm still going to have to do laundry tomorrow because I don't have some of my warm weather layering options clean right now. I worked on my little window bag that I just got. Painting my little plush toys inside of them so they're not all squished in the bottom. I'm very pleased. I listen to some podcasts. And just enjoyed being in the heat. My apartment still has trouble staying warm. But I'm getting better at heating up each room. I went down to my studio for a little while but I didn't do much. I just don't feel very motivated to make anything right now. I was on a Kik for a while so having a creative brain break I feel like it's okay. After Thanksgiving I think I'll pick up on making some new things. I want to probably make some plushies and explore the whole macrame thing some more. Thursday me and James are going back to Philly so he can go to a concert and I'll be at my parents house. So I'm going to pull out some supplies for the next project. me and Jessica have a vague idea of what we're going to be doing next year but it's not going to be as much of a daily / weekly project. so I'm not entirely sure how we're going to approach it. But I definitely be doing some stuff that it's a little bit softer. More embroidery and textile base work.

But for now I think I'm going to start getting ready for bed. I want to wake up early tomorrow and try to do some painting. Get some stuff done for my classroom that I didn't get a chance to do today. I'm starting to lead a lesson this week about unusual drawing materials. We're going to start by looking at a bunch of videos. And experimenting with string drawing. And then I will bring in my robotic toys for them to experiment with. I hope they are nice to them. I might also go to store and try to find one or two walking toys as well. Maybe wind up things. Like cars or something. We'll see what happens. I hope you all have a good night. Stay warm. Stay safe