#Even if ppl told me that I did NOT believe it bc I didn't know wtf queer womanhood looked and felt like n how comforting it can be

[chemicalarospec]

.

[golbrocklovely]

so i went to the mall today and my mall has a zumiez in it. i did in fact see snc's merch in there, which was interestingly surreal.

i'm still taken aback by how popular they are sometimes.

that being said, i need to set the scene for you.

first off, i haven't been inside of a zumiez since i was in high school. where i live and when i went to school, you didn't go in that store bc the workers were kinda douchey and literally would call you a poser for not being a skater/stoner kid. it was odd times in the early 2010s lol

plus i've never cared for the styling in that store so it's never been on my radar. but i went in. and… it was odd.

it was me and this young couple looking at shoes. next thing i noticed, dead fucking quiet. like no music at all playing. which was very odd bc it made it feel like i wasn't supposed to be in there.

snc's section was all the way in the back. i go, i see it, i sneak a pic. here's proof of that:

then a worker, the only one btw, comes up to me and tells me "sam and colby's merch is selling like crazy"

this manlet of a guy comes over and starts talking to me. he kinda looked like argyle from stranger things, except white lol

we start talking and he very casually tells me that he actually met colby bc zumiez flied him out to some meeting thing for when snc were gonna drop their merch in stores, and he accidentally met him without realizing who he was. colby was nice and talked about how he was excited to drop xplr, and it wasn't until he (the worker) was telling the story to someone else, that that's when the person pointed out who he met.

he then said "those guys….. are very interesting". and it was in a bit of a tone of like amusement and questioning. i agreed with him on that one.

and then he asked me if colby got cancer from the conjuring house….

even in real life i can't escape that place lmao

i told him that no, he didn't get it from the house. he was already in remission when they went there. he said he thought he heard that that's where he got it from. and i said, "no. but some ppl think he got it from robert the doll. the haunted doll you're not supposed to make eye contact with or take pics of in florida."

midway thru me talking to him that couple came up and asked for some pair of shoes. fun fact, the guy was asking for like a size 7 or 8 shoe and i became extremely aware in that moment that i had bigger feet than that kid so… that's fun.

i wear a size 8.5 in mens, 10 in womens.

after that the guy asked "why would they make direct eye contact with the doll?" i said it's believed that if you do that bad things happen to you, then he said it's not worth it. i agree. and then i left.

i'm actually shocked at the idea that other ppl near me know of snc. i know that sounds bizarre but i've never met someone that liked them. well, i did have the one coworker years ago that thought colby was hot, and then someone in the supermarket pointed to my xplr hoodie and said they liked it. but other than those two random instances, i can't imagine what an snc fan even looks like lol

[mosswitch219]

Some thoughts on Bad Batch Season 3

SPOILERS

First off I want to say this is going to be a very unpopular opinion and if you liked the szn this probably isnt the post for u, but I feel I have to speak my mind.

Overall after watching season 3 I honestly feel let down and unsatisfied with the events and especially the ending.

1. Techs death is probably the biggest thing that frustrated me because when you kill a character off you should either have your other characters morn and grieve them and learn to accept the loss or bring them back.

However they didn't either of those, instead they pretty much forget he existed they barely reference him and only say his name like twice, it would be fine to show characters in denial about someone's death but it's more like the show is in denial. This is why many bad batch fans were expecting tech to come back, if you don't morn a characters death than the story arch feels incomplete a ppl will wait for it to "end".

Not to mention techs story didn't seem over he left on weird unfinished terms with Phee and it seemed like they would touch on it again but nope.

Also they introduced CX-2 and made it seem like he might be tech, such as having the same build and teasing the identity like it's important and like it will mean something and then at the end for CX-2 and all these super soldiers to mean absolutely nothing.

2. So many unfinished questions, I can't believe this is the end of bad batch and apparently the last clone show. Especially when we still don't know where tf Cody is and all we're told is that he's gone AWOL (mentioned like it will mean something in the future) and then we never see or hear anything about him again.

Then there's Wolffe obviously we know he's in Rebels but what happens between then and now?

Then there's Echo same as Wolffe what happens to him as we never see him fighting alongside rex in Rebels.

Then ventress she was introduced back and then she leaves and we never see or hear about her ever again, she didn't rlly add much they revived and went "look ventress is back" for one episode and then that's it she's no longer important all she did was say "yup omega has a high M count" and then left.

3. Omega and the other force sensitive children could have patched up the plot hole of "somehow palatine is back" by saying using omegas clone DNA that can sustain high levels of a M count and a force sensitive child they were able to figure out how to clone palatine or smth but no it all meant nothing and we never rlly knew what the tests where for even when they had a golden opportunity to reveal it when Rampart forces Nala se to tell him everything abt the experiments

Honestly season 1&2 were great and so I went into season 3 expecting the same amount of quality but I didn't get that. They usually tie everything together and I never felt unsatisfied or confused in szn 1&2 but I did in szn 3. I kept waiting for things to start to tie together especially when the had so many moment where it seemed like the scenes where there just to make things make sense but no they were all there for nothing.

I walked away from szn 3 thinking it must have been rushed or gotten a new writers team bc wtf was any of this, it was so out of character for the writers to make such bad decisions.

I understand if other people like the ending bc we don't usually get somewhat happy endings but this was more like a half-assed happy ending to me, I would have preferred a well written devastating bad ending but this is what we got instead and I am so disappointed. All I could think of szn 3 was about how angry, let down and confused I was and that it was a lame and made me feel meh.

[remcycl333]

Hi Rem, I’m this anon. I just came back to tumblr with new successes.

I mentioned that I was argumentative and snappy, so people rightfully disliked me and I had a couple fights with people. I dwelled on self hatred and guilt because of it. Then I watched Self Generousity and Redemption of The Self by Edward and turned my image around. Multiple ppl suddenly apologized for something I thought I was in the wrong. Now everybody is super nice and likes me more than they ever before. I used to feel excluded but now everyone wants to include me

Turning my friends into Swifties lol

2 of my fav bands releasing music and touring. They r old bands from the 70s/80s that arent really active anymore, one of them haven’t released anything for ages so this is something

I thought of this person in my old fave band and how I miss listening to them, then the next day my friend sent me his new project that just came out

Visiting grandparents' hometown after almost 3 years since the last time we visit bc my grandparents had passed away so my parents didn’t think of going there anymore. Then my mom got a call from my aunt who lives in the same city that her in-law had passed away and she wants us to go visit.

Rare books that I couldn’t find for years.

Car, clothes, shoes, bags, and my mother constantly buying me things without being asked.

Know how to drive manuals 😭

Higher allowance

Trip to 2 countries this summer!!!

Desired body! I mentioned that I had some addictions in my prev post, that made me really unhealthily thin, but now I have all my meat on the right place lol

I’m gonna talk more about that as LOA had been a huge help for me to get through it, please skip the indented texts if ur uncomfortable with the subject

TW: substance abuse

I’m kinda ashamed to talk about this, but fuck it’s anon. I also have several other addictions too that I’m still shameful about, but currently working through it

I decided to manifest getting clean and I really really didn't want to go through crazy withdrawal so I manifested not having it (kinda, I did get sick but it wasn’t bad) with LOA. A friend told me he never had it from hard drugs, it made me confident on this.

What did I do?

1. Got in the state of being clean and never had an addiction

2. SATS every time I had anxiety about it and revise the times I did those things into something productive.

It’s been almost two months and I myself couldn’t believe how not hard it was.

I had people calling me druggie and mentioned these things to my friends and even strangers in public, but since I changed ppl’s perceptions it never happened again.

Manifesting is really easy. I know it’s already mine because my inner man already experienced it. All I do is make sure my inner man is satisfied.

That’s it for now, I’ll share more stories soon ♥️

omggg you're killing it as always!!! thank u so much for sharing <3 you deserve all this and more!!!

[stupendousfoxthing]

To your last anon, I always thought that hybe would have loved to monetize on tk's huge clout together if that didn't posit a risk( they are a corporation it's all about clout and money) i know people think differently as in them being shown together wouldn't have been risky but if they were the official company ship the ppl who like them as a couple would have been the triple than they are now, that means more people paying attention to them in that context, more ppl who wants to find something more, just like jikookers do, the difference? Jikookers won't find anything ever bc there's nothing to find, they are friends and bandmates, so them being the official company ship is as safe as it can be, tk's case is not the same.

Now it's funny bc the moment the tae//nnie bs started I told my friend that we probably could except a bit more of tk content coming from the company and I wasn't disappointed lmao, this is my view: thanks to that rouse Tae is seen by the world as a straight man who was/is (many locals dont even know about the break up news)in a relationship with a female idol and that also takes off legitimacy from the ppl who noticed stuff about him and his bandmate, it's just shippers delusions, even many ppl who suspected tk left the wagon after that.

So yeah I think hybe can afford to slightly show them more and monetize (and that also includes aiming to not lose much of the many different demographics that "consume" the BTS members during their absence and shippers are part of the this) that compared to before and still in a very controlled way, there is a bit of a risk mitigation with this companies' pushed rumor which is of course still not enough and hence the still controlled bc the risk is still present and as you said we have to take into account tk themselves, their priority is protecting what's important to them too, if you see the most content from the company we have seen of them together lately is just them being close (which they always were);and supporting each other, nothing super big or elaborated, not them putting on a show or being put on a show or anything, the only reason is noteworthy and has jikookers crying is bc years ago even that was something that wasn't shown (eg burn the stage etc).

I have a lot more opinions on the company's way of moving but I'm keeping it short 🫶

There are so many interesting layers to the way the company deals with Taekook, and to how the fandom perceives and feels about them. Where a lot of Taekookers think they've been too extreme in underselling or undermining their bond in official content, I don't think it's been quite as bad as most do. They still get featured quite a bit, I mean BV and In the Soop have shown us some classic Taekook moments. And they did start out capitalizing on that, the Bon Voyage cuddle was teased in promo images and then eventually included in bonus content. That moment making it into official content still blows my mind. I think it's a pretty intimate moment, I've gone over the clip so many times and believe there are kisses exchanged. It's wild. But 2016 is where the most noticeable shift happened. At the same time, I have also felt they do a little too much at times with the editing and it results in some weirdness, and that because heteronormativity covers for _a lot_ they could probably get away with showing more. That bias is so strong and engrained in everyone. But you make a great point about there being an added inherent risk for something that would need to be hidden, even if it's something most people would brush off. Like I've said before, I'm not a fan of the company for many reasons but if what they're doing is what they actually think is the best way of protecting them it's easily understandable. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts, sorry it took so long for me to get to answering this.

[goose-duck]

Mandela catalog texting 🍜

~~~~~~

✨Jonah and Adam✨

~~~~~~

💜Adam: u dyed ur hair again?

💙Jonah: yes

💜Adam: looks ugly

💙Jonah: ur face

💜Adam: what.

💙Jonah: is surprisingly pretty

💜Adam: why'd you compliment me, I just insulted you, are you stupid?

💙Jonah: keep going, I'm enjoying this

💜Adam: freak

~~~~~~

💜Adam: wanna ask if we can go to the library?

💙Jonah: u can ask, u gotta bring ur paper up anyway

💜Adam: Nah

💜Adam: just stay here

💜Adam: what's wrong

💜Adam: did you want something from the service trade people

💜Adam: I have money

💜Adam: I kinda owe you anyway

~~~~~~

💙Jonah: I'm sorry 😭

💙Jonah: I hate to leave man

💙Jonah: *picture didn't send*

💙Jonah: what a bitch

💜Adam: I can't see the picture you sent me

💜Adam: I learned a new spell in DND and fucked shit up

💙Jonah: oh sorry

💙Jonah: that's cool :)

💜Adam: It was fun, I accidentally almost killed Evelin and the guy that sits beside Evelin bc I didn't know how big the attack was and blew up a room

💙Jonah: Jesus

~~~~~~

💙Jonah: hi

💜Adam: hello

💙Jonah: hiiiiiii

💙Jonah: So what all did we have to do in English

💜Adam: Read the thingy online then pick a few questions and answer them, write a paragraph for each question you picked and you need at least 300 words

💙Jonah: oh okay

💜Adam: Should be called "my father tried to kill me with a crocodile" or alligator, I don't know my reptiles

💙Jonah: ok

💙Jonah: I got it

~~~~~~

✨Evelin and Sarah✨

~~~~~~

🌷Evelin: I broke up with him, but we agreed to still be friends bc he does great as a friend just not as a boyfriend

🌺Sarah: Fr?

🌺Sarah: like, you actually ended it?

🌷Evelin: Yeah, let me quote myself, "I wanna be ur friend, not ur girlfriend"

🌷Evelin: And he was like "okay, I think that'll be a bit awkward, but we can do that"

🌺Sarah: u guys might get back together tho

🌺Sarah: i think just a break

🌷Evelin: Nevermind, he doesn't even wanna be friends

🌺Sarah: talking stage

🌺Sarah: type of thing

🌺Sarah: well

🌺Sarah: you still have me and Dave

🌷Evelin: He told me not to talk to him and I told him I'll give him his sweater on Monday and I won't talk to him anymore

🌷Evelin: drama queen much

🌷Evelin: is that mean?

🌺Sarah: wtf

🌷Evelin: maybe

🌺Sarah: nah

🌷Evelin: he can just sit with other Adam

🌷Evelin: they're friends

🌺Sarah: yeah

🌺Sarah: or with Jonah

🌺Sarah: I like my answer better

🌷Evelin: he'd die if he had to sit with Jonah

🌷Evelin: it'd be kinda funny

🌺Sarah: exactly

🌷Evelin: I can't believe he said "don't talk to me" as if he listens to me when I talk to him anyway lol

🌺Sarah: Bro 💀

🌷Evelin: And now he's begging me for a second chance 😭

🌺Sarah: wow

🌺Sarah: that would be more awkward

🌷Evelin: he's just very interesting

🌺Sarah: ur gonna get back with him

🌺Sarah: just give it a week

🌷Evelin: no we are not

🌺Sarah: ok

🌷Evelin: with the way he's being rn I'd rather just not talk to him

🌺Sarah: yeah

🌺Sarah: me too

🌷Evelin: My mother's like "aw why, he wanted to have a job that made a lot of money" and it was funny

🌺Sarah: wow

🌺Sarah: lol

🌷Evelin: I swear she only likes the ppl I'm with if they have money or plan to do something that will make a lot of money 😭

🌷Evelin: She's shallow, she married dad bc he was making a bunch of money at the time lol

🌺Sarah: honestly I don't blame her

🌺Sarah: I would too

🌷Evelin: I agree with her, but, like, damn

🌺Sarah: easy way of living life

🌷Evelin: true

🌷Evelin: He's still going so I was like "but being friends is :("And he was like "and dating me wasn't fun"And I was like "no"

🌺Sarah: damn

🌺Sarah: bold

🌺Sarah: ur right tho

🌺Sarah: He never acted like a boyfriend in front of others therefore that's why Jonah thought me and you were dating

🌺Sarah: little does he know I'm dating someone else

🌷Evelin: ahahahha

🌺Sarah: you should tell him that

🌷Evelin: he just doesn't boyfriend the way you do

~~~~~~

✨Jonah and Adam ✨

~~~~~~

💙Jonah: my mother is arguing with me abt school

💙Jonah: so mean

💜Adam: why

💙Jonah: bc she's mean

💙Jonah: I dunno

💙Jonah: I think she just wants to argue

💙Jonah: such are mothers

💜Adam: makes sense

~~~~~~

💙Jonah: you been talking to Eve?

💜Adam: yeah

💙Jonah: what happened?

💜Adam: I still don't know what she's got going on

💜Adam: kinda just ignoring her rn

💙Jonah: ohh ok

~~~~~~

✨Ruth and Thatcher✨

~~~~~~

🤍Thatcher: I'm thinking abt dying my hair fr, so, I'm taking suggestions for what colour/colours

🤍Thatcher: Like, I'm gonna probably do it later tonight or tmr

🌻Ruth: dark blue

🤍Thatcher: okay :]

🌻Ruth: half blue half black

🌻Ruth: or purple and black

🌻Ruth: blue and purple

🌻Ruth: something with blue or purple

🤍Thatcher: those are Dave's favorite colours :0

🤍Thatcher: haha

🌻Ruth: actually? Never knew that

🤍Thatcher: I have blue, I'd just have to buy purple

~~~~~~

✨Mark and Cesar✨

~~~~~~

🍓Mark: *picture of their mark on their final project (team project)*

🍄Cesar: woohoo

🍄Cesar: 95%

🍓Mark: yeah

🍄Cesar: we're awesome

🍓Mark: I thought the interview was alright though, probably my fault

🍓Mark: you are

🍓Mark: I sucked ass

🍄Cesar: U were fine, but u could tell u weren't completely sure what u were talking about sometimes

🍓Mark: Exactly

🍄Cesar: <3

🍓Mark: you probably still would have maybe not me

🍓Mark: but I'm proud of you

🍓Mark: I wasn't sure abt anything I'm gonna be honest

🍄Cesar: Well, it was more fun bc we worked together, it wouldn't have been the same without u :]

🍓Mark: thank u

🍓Mark: I feel special for once

🍄Cesar: No need to thank me, it's just how I feel :>U pretty much motivated me to get shit done with it hence why I'd get so pissy when things weren't getting done, bc I don't care for my own grades but knowing ur grade could have been bad bc of me it made me actually want to work on it

🍄Cesar: Also, give urself some credit, u did ask Mrs. Buckle the questions, I probably wouldn't have bothered

🍓Mark: I have an 83 in that class, I wasn't worrying much about it, just wanted to get a decent mark out of it. I care about your marks because you're my friend and I wanna graduate all together

🍓Mark: I have patience with you, I don't with most people. Sometimes I lose it but at times I can't take it yk

🍓Mark: I could've worked on it sooner instead of last minute though

🍓Mark: But thank you for doing it for me, you did it for yourself.

🍄Cesar: <3

🍓Mark: love youuu

🍄Cesar: love u toooo

~~~~~~

✨Adam and Sarah✨

~~~~~~

💜Adam: fuck you

🌺Sarah: I though u were being the bigger person and ending the conversation

~~~~~~

💜Adam: I can do the showcase tomorrow btw, unless you're still mad and don't want me there. Then ig you can do it

🌺Sarah: I'm not doing it alone, u better be there

🌺Sarah: My throat hurts to much to speak so if u can be there that'd be great

💜Adam: I'll be there. Are you and eve still mad

🌺Sarah: If ur over it we're over it

💜Adam: I'm over it, I should apologize to Evelin. Im sorry for Thursday with the Jonah thing and for the dance. I just needed Eve at the time and I'm sorry

🌺Sarah: whatever you say.

~~~~~~

✨Adam and Jonah ✨

~~~~~~

💜Adam: hey

💜Adam: you there

💙Jonah: hi

💙Jonah: bus

💙Jonah: on it

💙Jonah: soon

💙Jonah: getting on it

💜Adam: ok

💜Adam: I have a lock with a

💜Adam: key

💙Jonah: okay.

~~~~~~

[itsjaywalkers]

hi laurie <3 how is your health? do you feel better?

there’s another big discourse about regulus character, what is ooc for him, what is not, was he right, did he deserve redemption or did he deserve to die as villain. you know, same old conversation, but it made me curious about your vision of his character! how do you view him in canon? do you think he was more morally dark than grey or more grey than dark? tell me everything please <3

hi lovely!! my health's fine, i'm completely recovered!! it was a tough week but i survived that stupid chest infection

oooooh u know i don't care about discourse but i love how u just brought it up to . turn it into a nice lil debate and ask about my portrayal of a character <333

we obviously don't get a lot about reg in canon but i think we get enough!! a couple of what could be core traits (since what we learn of him is all from sirius pov who's . quite biased) and some of his backstory!! so yes, he's kind of a blank slate of a character, which is incredibly fun when it comes to fanfiction but also . i truly believe there's a foundation here, even if a tiny unstable one yk??

anyways, to me, regulus is quite morally grey, but i don't think . he's more dark or more grey . the lovely kat (@messrsage) wrote a very interesting post about this a while ago, they talked about how the black brothers are both morally grey, and that sirius isn't more good or regulus more bad. they move up and down the spectrum, depending on who they keep as friends, on what influences them and their environment. i think the word kat used was morally fluid?? or something along those lines. and i absolutely agree!!

i don't believe sirius was better or inherently good. i just think that they had different responses for the same trauma. that they surrounded themselves by very different kinds of ppl. neither of them is in the right or in the wrong, yk?? they're both victims!! regulus thought that . obeying and listening to their parents and doing what he was told was the best course of action and there's nothing wrong with that

sirius implies that reg wasn't . capable of thinking on his own . that he was 'soft enough to believe them' (referring to their parents) which has always made me think that . despite reg definitely believing in blood supremacy and all that bullshit, at least for a while, it wasn't because he rationalised the whole thing all by himself and thought it was True and Right and Genuine, but that walburga and orion said this was how the world worked and he didn't think of questioning it. sirius did and look where that got him, right?? and besides, those are his parents, and despite how strict and cruel they can be sometimes, they love him, regulus knows they do, so why would they lie. i think he was comfortable, in a way, in the life that his parents made for him, and if not fighting back and agreeing with everything also stopped the abuse then even better

it's like the death eater thing. i'm sure his family had a lot to do with it!! and sure, it was also implied that reg had this weird nerdy fixation with voldemort, but i don't think that means . he was bad . voldemort was such a powerful wizard, and his family, or at least part of it, supported him and chose to follow him, so why wouldn't he find him interesting?? or even worthy of admiration?? he ended up betraying him and sacrificing himself the moment he realised what voldemort actually intended to do. besides, he was a fucking kid. people tend to forget that he was literally 16 when he joined the death eaters. and idk about u, but i was a fucking idiot at 16. not awful or anything, ofc, but i still did and said a lot of shit i'm not proud of, simply bc i didn't know better. but the thing is that i wasn't expected to!! bc again, i was just a kid!! doesn't excuse any of my mistakes, but i do think it's a fact that u gotta take into account when u try to judge someone

i think regulus wasn't a hero, but he wasn't a villain either. i think he was a terrified boy trying to survive. trying to make his family proud. and by the time he finally realised his mistake, it was too late. he still tried to fix his shit, and i think that matters. does that make him a good person?? nah, not really. but i think it makes him human

on a more surface level, my regulus is . proud . stubborn . spoiled . posh . mean in a non-targeted way, it's never personal to him (or not usually) and he's not trying to hurt anyone, it's just . a defence mechanism?? part of his personality, in a way. he isn't trying to be cruel on purpose. i think he's also a curious person, but it's a part of him he tends to ignore or supress, bc his parents don't like it. i think he's a follower and that he hates being the centre of attention, but at the same time, he's jealous of the way sirius seems to have everyone's eyes on him when he enters a room. he can be petty and resentful, but he's also shy and quiet and so very soft. it's a side of him that not a lot of ppl get to see, bc it's weak, but it's very much there, and i think that's the regulus that sirius knew most of his life. the regulus that he knew (or at least wanted to believe) was still there, which probably make him speak of him in such a . gentle way?? like yes, he called him an idiot but he has no qualms about cursing the rest of his family out, and he's pretty mean to all of them (with good reason) except andromeda and regulus. to me, that means he still loved his brother, and if sirius is still capable of . caring about regulus, at least to a certain degree, without even knowing about his change of heart . well . he couldn't have been that awful

there's also quite the debate about the kreacher thing, and whether reg was actually kind-hearted enough to believe and defend elves' rights or if it was simply the fact that it was kreacher, his house elf, and nothing else. personally, i don't think it matters that much. whatever his reason was, he still decided to betray voldermort over it, and tried to do the right thing, even tho the risk was High and he didn't know if he'd make it. that's what i believe says more about his character than what his exact tipping point was

and god i'm gonna shut up now, this turned out to be so ridiculously long i just . find regulus so interesting SORRY NONNIE😭

[raitnrong]

ive been so tempted to make my own geeta post ever since ive written down this one response on an analysis on her. i've actually come to make my own conclusions abt her character while making and it's making me go '???' at all the apparent hate on her.

genuinely i rly do just want to know what piece i've missed abt her dialogue that's gotten the ppl against her buzzing

i in fact do think that geeta is a great top champion! she conducts check-ins w the gyms, has gotten herself involved in the proceedings of the school (a great thing to have done as a top champion btw, recognizing it's important to be updated and engaged in paldea's new generation), and takes her role as the top champion very seriously! (so srs that she's caught onto nemona's need to be able to battle at her fullest when she'd had her exam)

she may have had her flaws like being meddlesome n a bit careless at times (like sending the player to larry w/o a head-up on his part|| a lot of ppl hate this, however this could be construed like she trusts larry to be able to handle such matters instead. depending on ur outlook)

but overall she looks like she does her job w grace. n everyone is flawed?? tho yes it's not an excuse when it comes to having responsibilities as big as hers, but even in a professional light she's not so egregious as to receive the amount distrust she has

a lot of ppl in game hold her in high esteem-- larry is snappy at her yes but why the hell is that suddenly made to define her character? "oh, larry has something going on w geeta n that is but a seed as to why she's fishy as hell!" like??

im p sure larry doesnt even hate her guts! like yes there's dislike there but is larry rly full of loathing so as to have to constantly 'go against the world' bc of his job n his boss? yes his dialogue abt normal types n ppl expecting flashy things were remarkable. but in the context of pokemon? as if id actually believe that!!

(normal types have their own strengths, they're not run-of-the-mill. they don't shine just because "they don't shine". normal pokemon are awesome for being normal pokemon period! it's a type like any other is. not to say his philosophy abt liking a pokemon is any less valid! gym leaders find their types due to many motivations)

anyway getting off topic hahah, larry could just be grumpy in general. so where does ppl get the idea that it makes geeta evil...

is it the design huh. look deep in urself and be honest ,':T

one point btw on how geeta is in fact clever and heartful (that shes not some power-crazed harpy and but is simply engaged in her work) is this point i made abt geeta's decisions with penny.

now if u recall, penny hacked the league in order to be able to reward the player for putting up w cassiopeia's operations

when she told clavell, he said it was out of his jurisdiction n that the decision was to rest on geeta.

and what did geeta do?

she CHOSE to be lenient w penny by instead having her work off her debt to the league by having her improve their cyber networks.

a hobby that penny already does and likes btw! she could have been further expelled or sent off like last time, but instead, geeta's choice was to allow penny the chance to face the consequences of her actions by having penny use her talents as she'd recognized it. geeta didn't see an opportunity for punishment but instead she chose growth.

for her, it'd come to light that they now had two problems: a child facing massive trouble for what is the equivalent of govt.theft and the league's shoddy security. and then she sought a solution that solves both in the most holistic and frickin' effective way possible! wow! it's insane!

she's not taking advantage of penny, it was her intervention of helping her >:T

im sure even penny appreciated her penalty bc she's mature enough to recognize what she's done wrong, does have knack for tech, and she knows she's helping paldea in return w her IT direction (and she's a good kid!)

--hc timee: now imagine nemona and penny bonding over their admiration for la primera as her helpers pls :))--

i would love to hear the points against her other than hcs tho! i may have missed something from the game bc rly i was more tuned to the trio's arcs (esp nemo's) rather than the adults' characters (except for clavell)

but srsly y would ppl hope that there's an agenda ruining scarvi's experience w paldea. tho yes leaders r in the risk of turning corrupt, the fact that there'a no direct text on pkmn is already a testament as geeta's quite clean now.

[fuckhouse2theelectricboogaloo]

I was wondering or not to send this in: but whoever needs to hear this rn is for them tbh. As I didn't have to say shit about this clown to begin with. Anyone who believed his rumor about me still after it came out of all his bs is probably actually an inept fucking slug at that point as much as he is, but I put everything to do my part for the people he hurt and he dragged my ass into it. So to begin? Knowing how spiteful Shep is? I have realized going through my archive: that about 10 months later, that I had made a post I was less active/busy, but that somehow gave him the idea I was gone. I found this mostly to cover any loose ends to the story, but also realized how pathetic he really is. Bc during this time, I had completely forgotten Shep, I was talking with friends, my gf, rping and doing my hobbies and loving life. And that's where the rumor of me being a pedophile started from him in the vent chat and them calling me a nonbeliever and nursing a grudge that extremely for 10 months. This rumor never came back to me until everything exploded, bc he insisted to his circles it be a block and move on and tell no one as he knew I wouldn't have taken it lying down and the fact Shep is spineless to confrontation, I know from us talking that he is. And then never showing evidence and it was that lack of evidence even after being asked I believe if I remember from Star? Is really what made her start catching on among other things.

Yet Shep was that assmad that I found them weird, that nicely I told them it was a lot but internally I thought: even with knowing my gf for 4 years, I found him that insufferable but forgettable and if he talked like this to anyone else? I imagined he had little friends tbh, I actually felt sorry for him to some degree because I couldn't tolerate him even when handling him with 'kid gloves' bc of how much of a little bitch he was and wouldn't calm down and stfu even after being patient with him for an hour bc he wanted empathy in reality. We wouldn't have made it past the first convo if not for that and his past close friend relations to my gf which he USED to get me to trust him so I'd tolerate him more. I also didn't appreciate their subtle flirting I've come to realize they weaseled in the convos (I thought he was just weird, I didn't realize that was supposed to be flirting or getting us to bond or some shit) or weird meltdowns in the week that we knew each other.

So doing all of this after being blocked: if that is their response to me? How they feel about everything and everyone else is probably driving them up the wall. They are probably having meltdowns and crying and I know when it first started they probably did bc I know how much of a little bitch they are when confronted. They'd crumple to me in convos when I told them: 'You're acting weird again. Stop it. o: ' . It took me a total of several hours our first convo when we JUST met to calm them down until I told them to knock it off, they were being weird and that quickly clammed it. In response the funniest thing that made me first notice it was them saying: 'maybe we shouldn't talk.' Me: 'Okay let's stop talking then and block each other.' Them: 'No wait.' Essentially is how that convo went bc again, just trying to be pathetic and a sad loser to get empathy. So Shep if you're reading this bc I know you will from how much you read my blog to find when I was 'gone' but not really? You're not slick, you're not smart, you're obsessed with anything or anyone you want or dislike including blogs like Fuckhouse or ppl you once knew like me even for just a week or so. Then throw a whole ass toddler tantrum when you don't get your way or nurse a grudge for nearly a year bc I almost think you took what happened as rejection from me, but I can't confirm that other than at least as a friend. It's the only way to explain why tf you acted the way you have and how I've seen you be a sex pest to trans fem ppl or kids that let you in though but in general are a sex pest and don't take no for an answer unless it damages your image. But the only thing I'll give you credit for is being decently 'ok' at preying upon ppl's kindness and inexperience to manipulate them the short term. No one thinks you're a mastermind, bc I thought you were fucking stupid when we met, but now I know you're even dumber thinking you could go behind my gf's back, my back when both of us thought you were a friend to both of us even if I didn't want to talk to you. And that if you had just stfu? I wouldn't be involved in this or be aware of what was happening and neither would my gf who btw, was actually angry and thought you were disgusting for doing that all that time when first meeting her to the now. And tbh I'm glad it hurt when I saw your ass groveling to a literal child, bc Shep you don't give a fuck unless it's your own pain because that's all you understand or care about.

Posting as is

[mostlikelytofangirl]

Honestly one of my favourite things about ruoyao is how unhinged a ship it is! Like okay WRH and MY are fundamentally different people but they fit together very nicely! WRH is very capricious and MY knows how to deal with capricious people, WRH seems to be one of the few people in the entire novel to elevate people purely on merit (see: MY, WZL, WQ) and thag drives me nuts!

Like are you serious??? The unhinged megalomaniac is better at recognising and rewarding talent than everyone here??? Says a lot about the jianghu. In the same vein, he seems like the one person that would 100% respect his mom, without being awkward about it because he doesn't give two craps about social conventions or propriety

The same way I don't think MY's kindness is a facade, I don't think his cruelty in WRH's court is one either! MY can be very unhinged and cruel himself when he's pushed to it! (see: JGS's death)

There's also the fact WRH treated him better than anyone until that point (except for LXC) and like, obviously MY was playing a role in Qinshang, but it wasn't a role necessarily antithetical to his character!

It's really fun to explore the whirlwind of emotion MY was dealing with at that point! The power, the rush of WRH's respect and care, so on!

I've read every ruoyao dynamic under the sun (wen-gongzi, wen-furen, codependency, sexy torture times, etc.) And they drive me crazy!!!! Have you seen manhua WRH's reaction to being killed? He doesn't look like he's angry and wants to rage and kill! He looks confused and devastated like he doesn't understand why his talented Yao'er would do this!

It's about the potential. Like yeah WRH is basically a cartoon villain in the books but he's so fun to toy with with the little info we have! One thing that I like to believe about him is that he 100% adores his family! Hurt WX or WC or MY? He'll skin you. He was probably about to shatter baxia and have MY skin NMJ when he died

AAAAHHHH You get me!!!

YES! They are different ppl but they align so well with each other! As you said WRH is the kind to do whatever the hell he wants, and one thing MY is great at is accommodating, and he has no issues with that so long as his own needs are met too, and woULD YOU LOOK AT HOW HE ACTUALLY GOT RECOGNIZED!

And WZL! I forgot about him, but YES, that dude not only got accepted in the sect, he even was given the Wen name! LIKE PLS WRH was going around collecting talented rejects :')

Oh, I totally agree with your assessment of MY. I believe he was an inherently good person, but he was more than capable of cruelty. He probably had to exaggerate a bit in Qishan, but he definitely had what it took already, that cold blood is just something you can't fake, no matter how good an actor. And you know, that's what I love about Wen Yao, that he could be fully himself like that, he didn't have to hide his "dark" side nor pretend to be better to not hurt others' sensibilities bc, as good as he may have been at his core, he was not all about pure righteousness. He understood nuance and the need for harsh measures, and only with the Wen was it properly appreciated (but not exploited and abused like JGS did)

There are so many flavors to the ship indeed! I mean, you are still not going to get the healthiest pairing out of ruoyao lol, but you can get some wonderful codependence or the ever so delicious "I'm horrible to everybody but never to you" dynamics :'D

Ahhh the manhua!! I made this post some time ago PRECISELY bc I was going insane over how crushed WRH was when he discovered his Yao'er betraying him! He wasn't angry, he just couldn't understand why T-T

Lol he's a wonderful cartoon villain XD. It's about his potential as well, how we can have fun with the bits and pieces of info bc those are actually telling. And I do agree that he cared about his family, even if he wasn't aware of how he came off to them (aka that one donghua scene with WC kneeling), bc we would have been told otherwise since this is the Horrible Fathers novel :P. Also iirc, the whole "torture of NMJ right in front of him" thing was bc he killed WX, sooooo...

[myjunkisyuzuruhanyu]

I was just wondering why would shoma not just jump salchow or loop as his solo jump in SP? Correct me if i'm wrong but i think he performs those jumps much better than the flip?

I think the success rate of both the 4Lo and 4S in practice is not as high as for the 4F, so imo the 4F is the best option. Remember Shoma is dropping the 4S for this season and it was usually the quad he was least successful in during his career. The 4Lo has a good track record in competition but I think Shoma is not as comfortable about it that's why it's also first jump in his free skate. Also Shoma just got it back into his layout in the 2021-2022 season.

Shoma has a high evaluation on the 4F and it's his trademark jump, it's well perceived by judges. There are only few times Shoma failed to land the 4F in the SP, I don't see why he should change that. Also if we think about points the 4F gives the most when you don't have a 4Lz.

As for 4S and 4Lo being better performed...if we consider take-off technique alone maybe, but overall the landings on the 4F are often safer and better than on 4Lo and especially 4S.

I assume you're asking this bc of the technique discussion about the 4F? But from a success rate point of view it doesn't make any sense to exchange the 4F for Shoma.

My annoyance is not directed at you anon, but frankly just change something bc there are some ppl complaining?

I don't know if you have been here in 2016-2017 season but actually this discussion about Shoma's 4F started to bully Shoma -yes to bully him bc it was not just reconstructive criticism it was to this point that Shoma should not even be a skater bc he has no right to compete with his technique (no matter if lots of other skaters had "improper technique" too)(remember Shoma breaching the Olympic oath?)Ppl told a lot of lies about Shoma's skating in other aspects too for example all his jumps are flawed which just isn't true and a few stick even to this point years later. Not everything they said about Shoma's technique was wrong but this discussion didn't start to be a thing bc technique was so important to them but bc they didn't like Shoma almost beating Yuzu and many jumped on the discussion despite not being able to tell jumps apart. And the particular group tried the same with Nathan when he started to threaten Yuzu even though Nathan's technique is "textbook". So pardon me when I don't take discussions about Shoma's technique in good faith. Ofc there have always been other ppl keen on proper technique but the discussion became "popular" for utterly different reasons and imo still is for those reasons.

Btw ppl can like it or not but ISU ratified his 4F as the first performed 4F back in 2016 - imo technically it was way worse back then than now - and if ISU would have thought back then that his 4F is not worth a 4F bc of the technique they could have teached a lesson right there about technique but they didn't. They didn't change the rules later when they could about the rule to not watch the take-off in slowmotion, they could have built in deductions for "imperfect" technique but they didn't, which makes me believe that ISU actually doesn't really care about jump technique...

In the end no matter what you personally deem as most important about skating, for fairness in this sport there are rules in place and all skaters should be judged by the same rules and Shoma did not breach any of the rules. If judges value his 4F with too many GOEs that's not on Shoma but the judges. Shoma does his job, the rest is not in his hands.

Sorry this got out of hand again but this technique discussion is a tale as old as time.

[golbrocklovely]

I don’t have a tik tok. What are they saying about our boys 🙄

omg thank you so much for sending in an ask about my post bc… i need to VENT lol

first and foremost, what aren't they saying about the boys on tiktok??? that's the real question.

imma just list the shit i've been either told or saw myself said about snc (but mostly colby).

sam should sue colby for the killing best friend prank (this one was brought to my attention by @xplrvibes like yesterday lol)

colby was molested

colby was sexually assaulted

elton made colby show his self harm scars on camera

colby has a bad relationship with his brother

sam cried being sexualized too much

the fans broke shea and colby up

colby has hated elton from the beginning

snc were talking about elton on the that one video years back (the one where they did the lie detector test on awesomenesstv)

not a SINGLE one of these are true, btw. that's the insane part to me. like…. every single one of these is a lie that i have no clue how they got started or who said them first.

and here, for anyone's benefit (in case you're curious) i will disprove all of these in one go.

sam was IN on the prank and has openly said that himself in the past

didn't happen/colby has never said that this has happened

same thing (granted if you want to make an argument that some fans have almost done this, that's a different story. but that's not what the fans on tiktok are talking about when they mention this)

colby has never self harmed. colby has never had depression, anxiety/has never been diagnosis with any mental illness. he even outright said in a video, EXPOSING THE TRUTH ABOUT COLBY BROCK, when asked if he was emo "depending on your definition of emo, if you say emo is somebody that hurts themselves - no. i'm not emo in that way." not to mention that if this is something that did happen, how come there was not a WORD about it until 2022??? the last time snc collabed with elton was in 2019. there is no WAY this shit could have happened, only to be talked about now with no proof. ALSO colby literally stated multiple times, back on metalife and even in a livestream in 2020/21, that he has never suffered from a mental illness, which is why he doesn't feel comfortable giving advice on it.

literally…. how would anyone know this in the first place? colby doesn't really talk about his family. but if you want to get technical, for a while in the back of his videos in 2020/21, you could see on his record player his brother's bands record. plus he literally went and saw him run a marathon in 2022 so… his relationship with him is fine.

that's literally not a thing at all lmao

shea and colby never dated, as much as shea would like you to believe otherwise. and if the fans are talking about their friendship… they are two grown adults. no one can make them do anything they don't want to do.

snc lived with elton for a full year, and continued to collab with him until 2019. elton didn't even become a hater until late 2020/early 21. so… no. colby didn't hate elton from the beginning just bc he has resting bitch face in some of the videos. if you want to make an argument that elton took some of his pranks too far, sure. but that's not what this is about.

this one is just ppl taking an old clip and trying to make it make sense to nowadays, so i'll give some slack. but again, this wasn't about elton. it was about aaron when they had beef with him for like a week and a half in 2019 lol

there is probably TONS of other shit said on there that i don't remember off the top of my head. but the fact that i've seen tons of these comments and tiktoks saying this shit is true is bonkers to me. idk who is starting these rumors, but like… dear lord above stop.

like i'm literally gonna have to make a snc tiktok account just to dispel rumors bc it annoys me to no end how these fans believe this stuff with literally NO PROOF.

[nanowired-lover]

I can't even say I have AN underrated fav in hk i just have so many i'm having thoughts about....... which are underrated

like thank god I also love Quirrel and Tiso bc if not I'd be fucking starving < says the guy who isn't producing shit either for other fans of the underrated favs

Okay it's just a list bc i need to yap into the void bc holy shit i can't yap to anyone rn

The Nailmasters. Okay yeah everyone likes them but there's way less content of them compared to the rest ?

But especially like. Oro specifically ? Idk why I got so attached to him, I am predictable GAHAHA you give me an old uncle who's an asshole with a possible tragic backstory and I'm bitting his walls off. I'm aslo totally normal about Sheo and his husband. Sweet sweet man. I hc'ed him as a transman some years ago and it didn't leave my brain since, and the gijinka I did of this guy is still gender goal. And he loves his brothers I am weak. And Mato....... im a bit more normal about him but ouuuguuuughhghhghh dad...... I just lowkey want to hols him in my hands and kiss his beetle head

Then Xero. BITING i love when ppl are like. Saying that he's an ant like Tiso. He's family. Yes. YES. YESSSSSS. I remember we did a fucked up story about it with my partner bc he's got a weird knowledge about animals and ants dynamics, so she told me that the gender-fuckery could be a good plot point (as i hc Tiso and I think Xero too as 2 transman, and Xero possibly as Tiso's father). BUT ALSO DUUUUUDE HE LITTERALLY SAID FUCK THE MONARCHY. AND HE'S SO FUCKING TRAGIC ABOUT IT. IDK WHAT HE SAYS IN ENGLISH BUT IN FRENCH, HE BROKE MY HEART.

I remember having a moment about the Collector as my gf loved the ship between them and Nosk, and the gijinka I did of them got me adoring that weird man. Like the Nailmasters, there's a lot of unfinished ? lore ? Around them like. Are they a sibling ? a vessel ? a naked kingsmould ??? Why do I do not gain mana from hitting them, what is wrong with them.

Oh and and and yeah the. the Soul Master. What is wrong with him. Why does he have fat Dr Strange x kitty cat vibes. Garfield vibes but feral. Fat magic kitty. I'm just so BIASED from @/palossssssand 's gijinkas. BUT ALSO WHAT DO YOU MEAAAAAN WE WAS TRYING TO BE GREATER THAN GOD ???? AND IT FUCKED UP SO BAD SOME PPL MELTED ?????? AND HE'S STILL UP THERE ALL PUFFY AND MIGHTLY ??? Also I'm pretty sure it would make more sense for him to not be fat since he's all dried up and skinny when you kill him, which means that he was probably puffing up and making himself looks bigger but. I'm a fat Soul Master believer til the end...

Also I know I'm not normal about Tiso and Quirrel (separately). My first tatoo might be about Quirrel actually. And Tiso is my son, my idiot, my fucking fool, my punching ball. My boy needs a father, or a mentor, and a tall bisexual to peg him. But those 2 are populars so I got my shit

[tojiwrd]

hana talking about how she doesn’t believe in marriage and gojo agreeing with her by breaking his engagement with reader 🥴

only for them to get engaged 3 months after they met and marrying shortly after…even if mr. gojo suggested the marriage so what? you are marrying out of duty? even if you supposedly don’t believe in it? make it make sense

pls tell me gojo senior will eventually find out what his son did to reader…if gojo was a man and told his parents he was engaged to reader his parents would have been happy and (don’t know if gojo senior would have gone to prison) the company would still be on their hands 🫣🤭👁️

geto really being delulu like his bestie, like cmon your bestie broke one of your friends’ heart and instead of give them closure by telling the truth bc she SEEMED to be doing fine you acted clueless 🤦‍♀️

@ gojo if someone you loved did what you did to reader (he broke and lied to her), would really NOT hate them specially AFTER waiting almost two years before apologising 🫥🫥

gojo why can’t you accept reader could hate(s) you…something is sus. aw pls don’t tell me, @ gojo, the honeymoon/infatuation phase is fading away 🤭🥴😏

him saying he didn’t want reader to think shw wasn’t important and he didn’t move on quickly…hello? do you hear yourself? THATS what you actually did!!

we need girlboss reina to make her appearance and spill everything unconsciously (not so unconsciously) to hana - knowing the truth by a third party hurt best 😈 - without forgetting the part where gojo still can’t seem to accept that yn could hate him 🤥

patiently waiting for you (author) to serve us a juicy batman revenge 🫢😏

ugghh i want to figuratively k word gojo at the moment 😤😤

question: did gojo leave when reader and geto got the confrontation or was he still in. the gallery?

ps. my toxic trait still wants yn x gojo endgame lmaooo

pps. sorry for the log ask

gojo and hana are literally the silliest and goofiest ppl i've ever wrote about. girly got her heart broke and expressed her feelings and gojo got to sympathetic,, put himself in her shoes and was like YEAH!!

mhmmm gojo said he didn't turn it down because he felt like that marriage ending would be better than if reader and him got married and had to end. it's literally pathetic !! and every man has done this at least once i'm not putting it up for debate. 🥺please, i have to end this or else i'll hurt u more in the future wahhh🥺

there will definitely be family drama!! these kids r going wild atp we need some interventions soon

geto is genuinely such a himbo like i love and hate him in this. he genuinely thought he was doing the right thing too like the audacity of him. but yeah a part of him definitely did it, even subconsciously, to protect gojo in a way even though i don't think he agreed with gojo's actions.

HONEYMOON PHASE FADING AWAY HAS ME CRYINGGGG. but nah fr he's acting too much n saying too much while having a lil ring on his finger right ???

i adore reina reina will be making several appearances i'm glad you are on the same wavelength. like my lil oc girly is out for blood every second we see her

answer!! : yeah, he was like a kicked puppy and left w his tail between his legs. so he definitely has no clue that yn literally went through hell and back bc of him

ps: i don't blame you gojo is so delicious like yesssss break up with me bc ur silly and stupid and your emotions have been stunted since you were in middle school yesss

pps: NEVER apologize for this i love reading these n i love u mwah kisses thank you so so much for reading it!! so glad you're enjoying it <3

[icycream24]

Espilver? :>

You're here to ask me the most obvious ones 😭 alright then I'll answer in the most unexpected way ever!

They are my OTP: literally saw them first-hand in game and firmly believed they have chemistry since then. Not influenced by fanart at all bc there was none.

But I don't really dare say they're the best of the OTPs...? Genuinely I think some other pairs (Sonuckles/Knuxouge etc.) has more chemistry and an easier time to figure out how they work.

Espio and Silver supposedly live in different timelines, and Espio didn't even appear in games that often. Their chances of seeing each other is far lower than a lot of others;

They're not as sociable as Sonic or Amy, or any other talkative characters. They can't just meet each other on a whim. We have to think of a valid reason for them to meet in fanfics, with Silver's persistence on his time travel mission and Espio's ninja detective work in mind;

They're kinda too nice with each other, the enemies to lovers troupe wouldn't really fit in their current canon situation, neither does having major rivalries, conflicts, or any kind of tension. Obviously they can still have those, it's just harder to imagine them in these roles compared to others imo.

Ofc, they're still my obvious best of OTP in my brain, but if we're discussing the variety of them being a pair, then they're not higher than other ships.

CUTENESS OVERLOAD: That is true bc I literally ship them as OTP. But actually, I ship them in the angsty way first, did not imagine them with a happy ending due to their roles and burdens. Drew Silver dying in Espio's hands back in 2016, definitely not wholesome & cute haha

Overrated AND underrated at the same time? : Now this is a handful... I didn't imagine Espilver to be a well known ship at all, and certainly did not anticipate ppl actually shipping them even now. As to why this ship got popular, I couldn't help but think it was related with ppl wanting to support unpopular ships as an ally, moreso than actually liking the ship? Ofc, it's definitely not me who can decide what ppl ship them for, I wouldn't care that much as long as the ship gets more love! Actually I do care but I don't wanna gatekeep ppl for being not genuine and I don't wanna know if I'm actually wrong on that so by not dwelling on that I avoided the problems and consequences that might bring to me including those I do not forsee

Still, Espio and Silver, as I've told before, probably don't have as much chemistry to other ppl due to not being in more games tgt. Their compatibility basically flies over ppl's minds and it's unfortunate! So, Espilver is definitely underrated as ppl still hasn't yet be presented to the wonderful comfort and beauty this ship brings 💖

In conclusion, overrated enough to have IDW make a comic about them, since ppl would love it; also underrated enough to have IDW make a comic about them, since so few ppl know them enough to feel repulsed with their interactions.

I WOULD DIE FOR IT OKAY: No one's allowed to talk shit about Espilver/Silvespio except me✨

[dogfags]

blah blah journaling here bc my laptop still don't work

this week has been super stressful but my car is finally working again and it didn't cost as much as I thought. Chris and I had a little trial run of us living together bc he had to stay for a week to drive me around everywhere (bless him). praying he gets this job he just interviewed for so he can move in asap. and yes I have hangups about moving in with yet another partner after not dating for a total year but like 😭 dude idk how anybody can afford to live on their own. me and Tara can't make rent with just the 2 of us and it'd be really nice to be able to save some money. and after my car broke down I for sure couldn't afford to split the house bills 50/50. it was Tara's idea to invite Chris otherwise I never would have suggested it. and we both have our weird feelings and fears about it, to a healthy degree I'd say. I mean idk. my attitude rn is kinda like, I think I've already been through the worst it could possibly get with moving in with a partner? like there's no way it could be worse than That, even if we do break up. we have our own separate spaces also which was the only saving grace me and my ex had after we broke up so that's good. but I also just don't rly see things going so poorly. I mean idk. u never rly know somebody. but Chris just SEEMS different and has actually told me he wants to marry me and be with me forever etc. he is a more open and honest communicator than anyone else I've ever dated. won't be like my ex where he went off and binged a bunch of drugs then lied to me about it, bought a gun and brought it into our house, cheated on me, broke up w me then threatened me with suicide when I decided to move on. like actually fucking crazy person type shit. I can't believe I put up with so much in my last relationship. literally a nightmare. and I can't believe ppl were blaming ME for all that shit 😭 idfk dude. I'm so glad to be out of that situation and living my life now. as stressful as it is rn with school and work I'm still so much better off than I was. Chris is actually a huge sweetheart and shows me affection and loves me in the ways I need to be. and spends time with me. and talks to me lol. like I'm Sorry but after talking over all this with my therapist for so long I've kinda come to the conclusion that none of that shit was my fault. it sucks that some ppl got caught in the crossfire but again it wasn't my fault. I'll take ownership of going back on my word by sleeping w somebody at the house. that was shitty but also? maybe don't cheat on me and lie to me the entire relationship and I'd actually gaf 😭 he got his stupid little "revenge" for that anyway lmfao. I just fr cannot believe the shit I've been through with the awful awful people I've dated.

in an ideal world Chris and I could live on our own for a bit before we move in together but the job market is fucked, the housing market is fucked, and neither of us could rly afford to do that. sooo we just gunna have to move in together. and I was rly reluctant at first but everyone I've talked to has been super in support of it bc he's just such a good guy. plus we've been friends for a few years anyway so it's not like I started dating this stranger then he moved in. we used to talk semi regularly in college. would have hung out if I ever had time.

for a second I was worried I'm like, a bad person who does horrible things and I Have made bad choices don't get me wrong but like. I'm not evil or irredeemable. I have all these friends now who actually love me?? and I made them myself? wild. also quite literally everyone I've talked to about the past events have been like ya dude ur a victim 😭 I feel more guilty about the shit that happened w Friday than I do w my recent ex. bc some of that was objectively my fault bc I was in such a horrible manic episode I was acting crazy. they did kinda SA me but like. idk man. I'm insane sometimes.

the whole thing with that friend saying that "my stress is not their problem" kinda just. idk. idk if we will ever rly be close again. they kind of refused to apologize for anything they said to me or for screwing me over in housing. plus all the shitty posts they made about me. like idk. we talked it over irl and like kinda made up? but I still don't think she ever even said she's sorry lol. and for months I blamed myself for my ex being suicidal bc of all that. until my therapist and I went over it again and again and I've kinda just realized none of that was rly my fault. if anything staying with my ex after the first incident was my mistake. but I felt rly trapped bc we lived together. that's what is so hard about living with a partner especially when you haven't been with them super long. like idk. I have a good feeling abt Chris. I genuinely do want to spend my life with him. I never rly felt that way abt my ex. even when they were moving in I was like ya this is fine/fun for now. but I never felt like my ex was my soulmate or anything. not that I rly believe in that shit. but Chris and I just connect and get each other on a different level. it's the first time I've ever rly felt truly understood by someone.

the things I feel guilty for are more like, I feel guilty for staying with the people who hurt me even after I've already accepted in my mind that they aren't the one. and I do that bc I'm scared of being alone and scared of confronting myself and the reality that it's not a perfect love story or whatever. and my ex did try to fucking. reel me back in after we broke up and keep me there but not fully there. but I removed him from my life after I had had enough and I am proud of myself for that. I don't need someone like that in my life, even as a friend. wishing the best for u but I don't want to be there to see it. after Friday SAd me I should have just ended it but again I stayed bc I was scared. and what I feel most shame for is manically scrounging up a plan to break up without actually breaking up and then making a fool of myself by "proposing" like God that's just so embarrassing lol. but idk like my therapist said I can't fully blame myself for the decisions I make when I'm in a manic episode bc that's just straight up Not Me. like part of the diagnostic criteria for a manic episode is making choices you would not otherwise make. I'm not crazy. I was just deeply traumatized and triggered and couldn't find a way out of it. then ofc they tried to screw me over in every way possible. I make bad choices in people I date. and I look back and I'm like, but if I'm the common denominator of all these people I dated, aren't I the shitty one?? like surely I pushed these people to madness right lol like they weren't bad people they just became corrupted bc I forced them into craziness. idkkkk my therapist also says I can't look at it like that. and that people with lifelong CPTSD often end up in abusive relationships bc of trauma and patterns and shit. so. there's that

while I am wary of possibly repeating my shitty patterns I also just have a good feeling about Chris. I'm at a point in my life where I'm done dating "for fun" like I actually want to find someone to spend my life with now. and I think he could be it. like idk people are like "when u know u know" and I just Know with him. he's such a good person, basically everything I've ever wanted out of a partner. he's smart as fuck and creative and interesting and sweet and loves my friends and has a lot of his own friends and we have similar ways of thinking and want the same things out of life. same lifestyles and same plans for our futures. he's highly emotionally intelligent and I feel like he'd never lie to me. I can trust him. he's always there for me. he's very helpful and never complains about helping me. he helps without even being asked. like mans fr just did our dishes. and I KNOW THE BAR IS IN HELL but fr lmao. I was a little apprehensive at first about dating, and I'm a little apprehensive about moving in together, but my gut says this is right and will help us both out a lot financially. and emotionally tbh.

so yea those are my updates. hopefully he gets this job and then can move in in September. and then I just have 6 months of school left. it feels like I have to grind forever for the rest of my life but it won't be forever. I just gotta get through this and it'll all be worth it. blaaaghdjdnns