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[pixeldistractions]

Maya said, “It’s not like you’d summit this year and be done. Did you think you could feel that kind of rush and never want to do it again? Believe me, once you get there, you won’t want to stop, you’ll see. This is your life now. Even if it’s not what you do for a living, you’ll dream in summit fever. Just wait.”

Jack was all in with the hype, but Jordan wondered if the dream of a summit would be all he ever achieved.

This hobby was expensive. He wanted to be sold on the whole package, he wanted to drink the Kool-Aid and buy all the hype, but the fine print gave him sticker shock. First there were the classes. Two years of training, probably, if he didn’t want to die on the mountain. He would certainly not make the cutoff for this January’s summit, which meant another spring and fall session next year. The gear wore out, and he’d need to repair and replace it often.

Then, when he finally was ready, there would be airfare, lodging, and supplies.

And besides the climbing, he still had important repairs to complete on the camper. There was still child support to send to Colette exactly when and how she wanted it. He needed to find work, finally, having burnt through most of his savings.

How did anyone afford this lifestyle?

Well, if you looked at the people around him: Tyler Jackson was the son of Aura Jackson, a millionaire business mogul and sitting Secretary of the Treasury. His mother bankrolled this entire park. He was literally a trust fund baby.

Yeah. That was how.

Darren was a corporate marketing consultant by day—whatever that was—and an avid prize-winning marathoner on the weekends.

Kristoff wouldn’t talk about his work, but it sounded a little shady and was probably lucrative or else he wouldn’t do it.

Then you had Jack. He was just a cop, but his wife was an accountant, and he was the son of Sophie Phoenix, culinary marvel. She wrote a cookbook, Jack said.

Jordan hated to admit that Colette was right, but you couldn’t live this kind of lifestyle on a hobo’s wage and still send home child support.

Even Ingrid’s minimalist free spirit #roadlife was made of three-thousand dollar cameras, sponsorship deals, and loans from her mommy’s pocket.

And he needed to talk to a lawyer still. Lawyers cost money.

He needed to maintain a residence somewhere, because that was what Colette wanted. Not just any residence, but at least two bedrooms and a bathroom in a respectable neighborhood. And he likely couldn’t do all of that on gig work in between climb training. First and last month’s rent was the same price as the Komorebi trip he wasn’t skilled enough to take.

He wasn’t twenty anymore and adults don’t get a gap year.

He just wanted to find his own stride, to live a life that he carved out for himself and not one that someone else picked for him. But where was that life? The only answer he knew was that he needed more work, bigger jobs, and more of them. Money wouldn’t solve all of his problems, but it would solve a lot of them.

So he picked up whatever work he could find in between the climbing. Task Rabbit, Doordash, delivering groceries and helping people pack and move boxes. It hardly made a dent in what he needed.

Jordan wasn’t of the mind to think any kind of work was beneath him, but he needed something more substantial than this. He could get by on little money, but not this little. Especially not after dropping $450 on climbing shoes! And even when the jobs paid more, it wasn’t always worth the trouble. If he wanted to be bossed around by insufferable women, he could go back to Colette.

So he worked and he climbed. He climbed and he worked.

The vacation was over. He did handy jobs in the mornings, and it was hard physical labor. He climbed in the evenings, which was more physical exertion. Finally, he dropped onto his bed at night and crashed hard.

He didn’t intend to sleep through the ping of Maria’s goodnight texts, but his body was done and so it slept on his behalf. He would see her in his dreams instead, and he hoped she would wait for him there.

— from “boxes and squares #4.2: then have some faith” (5/5)

Next ->

[torreshalstead]

he just comes running over to me

Summary - Giving a girl a jersey to wear with your name on meant something, something big. And Jay had given her his and asked her to wear it to the game. The Halstead across the back was clear as day.

Did it mean what Hailey thought it meant?

She hoped it did.

Notes - this was inspirated by a ‘Jealous Hailey’ prompt, thanks Karen! 🫶🏻 Happy Reading ❤️ AO3 Link

‘Hey Hails, wait up!’ Jay called loudly as he bounded up to her in the quad. She had just finished her most hated class of the week, Politics 101 with Professor Voight - that man had one tone of voice and it was one that grated on Hailey like nails on a chalkboard. She spent the majority of the class counting down the minutes until it was over.

‘Hey,’ she said with a warm smile as she slowed to a stand still. It was a warm spring day in the city so she had forgone her coat in favour of her denim jacket, Jay had clearly had the same thought, his freckled arms making an appearance underneath his tight heather grey tee.

‘You coming to the game tonight?’ he asked keenly, his smile as eager as a kid in a candy store.

‘Of course, do I ever miss them?’ she responded. It was the truth, ever since Jay had sat next to her in first year Chemistry, the two had become inseparable. She went and cheered him on at every home game, even making it to some away games so long as she could get there on a train or a bus, her measly scholarship didn’t stretch to an airfare. And in return, Jay was the rock she never knew she needed. He’d study with her even when he should be at practice, cook her dinner at his off campus apartment and even went along to some of her debate club meets in first year before the rest of the team annoyed her so much she packed it in. He was her best friend in every sense of the word.

‘I’ve got a good feeling about this one,’ he said, a wry smile tugging at his perfect cheeks.

That was the other thing about her best friend - Hailey was harbouring the biggest crush on him. She didn’t know when he had turned from someone she just enjoyed spending time with to someone she couldn’t bear to spend any time apart from but that’s exactly what he had become. Occasionally she thought he might reciprocate her feelings when he pulled her in for a tight hug and tangled one of his hands in her hair or when he’d fall asleep on her shoulder when they watched a movie, his arm draped lazily over her waist. But then she’d look at him and look in a mirror and kick herself for ever believing that a boy who looked like he did could ever be interested in someone like her.

‘That code for you’re going to score?’ she asked sassily, cocking her head to one side.

‘I just have a good feeling is all,’ he repeated, winking at her that sent a bolt of warmth through her stomach all the way down to her toes. He shrugged his backpack off and pulled it round to his front, reaching into it and tugging out something that Hailey recognised. ‘Wear this tonight?’ he asked as he pushed the item of clothing into her hands.

Hailey unfurled the red and black material and saw the school's logo come into view. She turned the jersey over and felt a tightening in her chest as she noted what was emblazoned across the back in block capitals - HALSTEAD. It was his jersey, he was asking her to wear his jersey. Sure, lots of girls wore jerseys to the game, some of those that had crushes on the players but the ones who wore those with actual names on all fell into one specific category - girlfriends. And Hailey wasn’t Jay’s girlfriend no matter how many dream scenarios she had conjured up in her mind to let her drift off to sleep. Was this his way of asking her out? Or did he just want his best friend to show her support for him and him alone at the game? Hailey’s mind started to cycle through a million different options at breakneck speed so much so that she didn’t hear Jay calling her name until he gripped her shoulder gently, the warmth of his thumb brushing against her neck drawing her out of her spiral.

‘Earth to Upton, you still in there?’ he said jokingly.

Hailey shook her head with a slightly dazed grin, ‘yeah of course, I mean yeah I’ll wear it,’ she smiled.

‘Great,’ Jay said, his smile pulling wide over his teeth. ‘I gotta dash but I’ll see you at the game, don’t forget to wear it okay.’ he added, tugging lightly on the material to draw Hailey’s eyes back down to his last name.

‘I won’t,’ she muttered, watching as Jay grinned and turned away from her, pulling his backpack up onto his shoulder and jogging over to the Physics building where his next class was being held.

She looked back down at the jersey, her fingers unconsciously reaching out to trace the H of Halstead, the material soft against her skin. She’d been to see his games all the time and never once had he asked her to wear his jersey, or given her one that she was certain if she pulled it up to her face and inhaled, would smell exactly like him. Was she thinking too much into this or did it actually mean something more?

There was only person whose opinion Hailey trusted on the opposite sex so she knew exactly who to call.

——————————————————————————

‘So am I crazy?’ Hailey asked as she sat cross legged on her best friend's bed.

‘Nope,’ Vanessa said, smacking her chewing gum loudly. ‘I’ve been telling you for years your crush wasn’t one-sided girl, and here’s the proof.’ Vanessa was lounging on her desk chair, she had been spinning aimlessly as Hailey told her the story of the jersey - the item in question now folded neatly next to her. Vanessa’s spinning had come to a halt when she had told her what Jay had said, her eyes wide as quarters and her grin equally large.

‘Is it proof?’ Hailey whined. She so desperately wanted her best friend's words to be true, that the jersey was a precursor to something bigger, to Jay officially asking her out. But a small, but very loud and persistent part of her still doubted it.

‘Hailey, the only girls who wear jerseys with the players' names on them are their girlfriends, you know that, it’s like some unwritten rule that everyone follows. Jay gave you his jersey, asked you to wear it,’ Vanessa rattled off like she was listing the weekly grocery list. ‘Ergo, he’s going to ask you out tonight, or at least he’s going to kiss the hell out of you when he scores the winning touchdown.’

Hailey’s cheeks reddened at the very thought of Jay kissing the hell out of her. ‘And if he doesn’t?’ she asked timidly.

‘Then you grab him and kiss him first,’ Vanessa said as if it was the most obvious thing in the entire world. ‘Us girls don’t always have to wait for the guys to make the first move,’ she shrugged.

Hailey pondered for a moment until a vividly clear image painted itself into her mind. Jay with his arms in the air, his gaze locked on hers in the crowd until she ran down the bleachers and onto the field straight towards him. He wrapped his arms tightly around her, spinning her around before settling her back down and cradling her cheeks between his large hands and pressing his lips gently to hers.

‘And if that kiss is as good as the one you are clearly imagining then don’t forget to use protection,’ Vanessa joked.

‘Oh shush it you,’ Hailey said, jabbing Vanessa’s thigh with her toes but seriously wondering whether she should take the advice to heart.

—————————————————————————

Hailey took a look at herself in the mirror, she still looked like her, just a little bit more put together. She had decided if today was really the day Jay was going to move her out of her comfortable position in the friend zone to something more, she wanted to look like someone who deserved it.

She had dug out her curling iron from the depths of her wardrobe and had only managed to burn herself twice in the process of taming her unruly hair. Normally if it wasn’t up in a tight ponytail, she just let it hang down by her cheeks, shoving it behind her ears when it annoyed her. She did like it when it was in neatly done waves; it would catch the light and make her smile but she always preferred to take the extra 10 minutes in bed so usually didn’t bother with it.

She had been careful when she had pulled on Jay’s jersey over her hair to not mess it up or to spread makeup all over the collar of it. She paired it with a pair of dark blue jeans that hugged her body and Vanessa always slapped her arse when she was wearing them - Hailey thought that was probably viewed as a good thing.

Taking a look at her phone, she had half an hour until she was meant to be at the stadium. Her plan was to see Jay before the game, show off that she was wearing his jersey and then in the scenario that she had carefully and lovingly concocted in her head, he would blow her a kiss and then go out and win the game for her. When the final whistle blew she would run down from the bleachers into his arms and the rest would be history. Tugging on her favourite black boots, the ones that were scuffed from over wear but that were still her first pick, she decided to head over now. Maybe she’d be able to catch him whilst he warmed up and put her vision into fast forward.

—————————————————————————

She walked into the stadium with more pride than she normally did, Jay’s name on her back acting like a protective shield and a beckon at the same time. Maybe she was imagining the glances from some of the cheerleaders, the questioning looks as to why someone like her had managed to get the jersey of the number one point scorer for the team. Hailey ignored them, smiling as she strolled past, Jay had chosen her and that was enough.

Well it wasn’t quite enough, but hopefully after this game it would be.

She ducked through the bleachers, heading down towards the field where she knew the school’s team would be warming up. She spotted the players, the figures in jerseys that matched her own but with the addition of the shoulder pads making them look twice as wide as they usually did. She couldn't spot Jay at first, her eyes roaming over each player in turn, recognising faces and when she didn’t, clocking the names printed clearly on their backs.

Then she spotted him and the warmth in her stomach grew. He was chatting to one of his teammates, his helmet tucked under his arm, his other hand running through his hair that had curled slightly from the sweat from the warmup. Hailey couldn’t help the grin that grew on her lips, the slight possibility that she might get to run her fingers through that hair in a few short hours, the barrier of their friendship no longer an obstacle to something more.

Jay turned slightly towards her then and for a brief moment in time Hailey thought he was smiling at her, thought she was the reason his pearly white teeth were shining bright, thought he was dropping his helmet to run towards her and admit his feelings as he pulled her into his arms and spun her around.

But it wasn’t her.

Someone else, another girl was running across the field towards him. Another girl was jumping into his arms, being spun around by him. Someone else was the cause of his smile.

Hailey thought she was going to be sick.

She turned on her heel and barged through the crowd, not caring how many elbows she had to take in the side to be able to make it through. She could feel the colour rising in her cheeks, the anger mixed with the jealousy and tinged with embarrassment. The painful tears stung as they started to flow down her cheeks, how could she be so stupid? How could she ever have thought he would feel that way about her when he clearly had someone else in his life.

Someone else he wanted to run to, to pick up and spin around and smile at.

Someone that wasn’t her.

She had let herself believe in her childish fantasies, that him giving her his jersey actually meant something when clearly it meant nothing. Zilch. Nada.

As she picked up the pace, almost breaking into a run as she headed towards her car in the parking lot, then she spotted his truck. The slightly beat up dark blue Chevrolet that he loved. The truck that they had spent hours chatting in, road tripping to upstate or down to the Indiana Sand Dunes, the nights they had spent watching the stars in the truck bed laying next to each other. She had always hoped one of those evenings he would pull her into his arms and confess his love for her underneath the star speckled sky.

The jersey that had previously felt like a comfort, a warm hug now felt like a straight jacket squeezing the life out of her. She ripped it off over her head, not caring if her make-up smudged on the collar or if her hair got frizzy from the friction and hung it on the wing mirror of the driver's side. Maybe he could give it to this new girl.

The new girl who was hugging the boy Hailey loved. Who had got everything she had ever wanted.

Hailey had never thought of herself as the jealous type, had always thought the green eyed monster that people talked about was just an excuse for poor behaviour but now she was beginning to believe it. She walked away from his truck before she did something she would regret. But as she made her way towards her own vehicle, the image of Jay’s face filled her mind, his utter joy as his arms were wrapped around a girl that wasn’t her, as he spun her around, her legs kicking in happiness - the exact way she had imagined she would be doing. She pushed that image and the jealousy down deep. Dwelling on it would do nothing to change the fact Jay didn’t want her like that, didn’t feel that way about her.

She got to her car and realised it wasn’t jealousy anymore that was coursing through her like fire, it was anger.

She was mad.

She was mad at herself for letting herself believe her silly little daydream.

She was mad at Vanessa for humouring her and feeding into her fantasy.

And she was mad at Jay.

He knew what it meant when he had handed her his jersey, and had known the connotations of it. Had he tried to make her look like a fool? She couldn’t believe he could be so cruel. Jay was many things but cruel wasn’t one of them. Maybe he just didn’t care about what she thought? Maybe he just had a spare jersey? Maybe one of his friends had dared him to give it to her and now they were all laughing at the stupid girl who had thought it meant more than it did.

Because clearly although it had meant everything to Hailey, it hadn’t meant anything to Jay.

——————————————————————————

She had 4 missed calls and 15 texts.

All from Jay.

But he was the last person she wanted to see right now, he had turned her into someone she didn’t like. Someone she despised. She was jealous of someone she hadn’t even met, someone she didn’t know and who probably didn’t know her either. And she hated the feelings that were coursing through her right now, the jealousy, the self doubt, the questioning, the anger. This wasn’t the Hailey she had worked hard to become.

So she ignored the texts, didn’t pick up the phone as it rang and just burrowed herself under her comforter, her comfort movie of Captain America playing on her laptop.

Just as Chris Evans was stealing his uniform and heading out to help Barnes, a loud banging on her dorm room door interrupted her watching.

‘Hailey, I know you’re in there,’ Jay’s voice echoed through the paper thin door. ‘Please answer.’

She sat up straight but made no move to open the door and let Jay in but he continued to hammer on it nevertheless.

‘Hailey, please,’ he continued, his voice sounding desperate.

If he kept making a racket like that, her RA would report her so reluctantly Hailey crawled out of her bed and made her way towards the door. She hesitated for a moment with her hand hovering over the handle. She was sure her make-up was streaked down her cheeks, the tears of anger long dried but she hadn’t made any effort to wash them away. She didn’t care though, she had made an effort for him just hours before and it had blown up in her face.

She tugged open the door and was face to face with a red faced Jay, his hair sticking out at all angles, the war paint still marking his cheeks. He held up something in front of her and when she looked down she realised what it was - the jersey she had left on his car.

‘What the hell Hailey?’ He said, his voice louder than normal but still not a yell. He knew not to yell around her and he never did. ‘I thought you were going to come to the game and then I find this on my truck and you nowhere to be seen? You didn’t answer my calls, my texts? I thought something had happened to you!’ He was talking quickly, the words spilling out of his mouth with little control. ‘This was yours.’ He thrust the jersey towards her but Hailey made no move to accept it this time.

‘Surely you need to give that to your girlfriend?’ She said bitterly, angry at herself for how hostile the words sounded.

Jay’s eyes widened, his eyebrows disappearing into his hairline, ‘What?’ He said, his mouth hanging open. ‘My what?’

‘I saw you with her,’ Hailey crossed her arms over her chest.

‘Saw me with who? Hailey you’re not making any sense,’ Jay despaired.

‘I’m not making any sense,’ Hailey spat back at him. ‘I went to the game Jay. I wore your stupid jersey,’ she gestured to the offending piece of clothing still hanging limply from Jay’s hand. ‘And I saw her, the pretty brunette who jumped up at you and you couldn’t have looked happier.’

‘You came to the game,’ he muttered. Hailey watched as the pieces of the puzzle fell into place behind his eyes. But when she expected to see guilt at being caught, she saw a light hearted realisation, his features relaxing as a small grin tugged on his cheeks. ‘You saw Natalie.’

‘Natalie,’ Hailey repeated, giving a little shake of the head as she waited for him to say something more. Some sort of explanation for what the hell was going on.

‘Natalie was our next door neighbour when we were kids,’ Jay said, his smile starting to annoy Hailey. ‘Natalie is my brother Will’s girlfriend. She was visiting and wanted to see the game. I haven’t seen her in a couple of years as she’s in med school on the East Coast. She’s just my friend Hailey.’

‘She’s your brother's girlfriend?’ The colour drained for Hailey’s cheeks, the fight melting out of her as his words started to process.

‘She is,’ Jay said gently.

‘So not your girlfriend?’ The anger she had felt had disappeared immediately and was replaced with a throb of foolishness. She had seen a snapshot of a moment and had jumped to a conclusion that she should have known in her heart couldn’t be true.

‘Not my girlfriend.’

‘And you don’t have a girlfriend?’ She asked, biting at her bottom lip.

‘I gave you my jersey didn’t I,’ his eyes were soft now, like a green meadow on a spring day.

‘And what does that mean?’ After the mess she had gotten herself into by jumping into conclusions without the evidence to support them, she needed to know exactly where she stood before she even thought about making a move.

‘It means I was going to win the game today, and then I was going to run to you and kiss you. Ask you to be my girlfriend right there and then, I was fed up of being too scared to ask you. I like you Hailey, I like you a lot, a lot more than a friend does and I don’t want to just be friends anymore,’ he said confidentially, taking a step closer, closing the distance between them.

Hailey’s insides were melting into a puddle, Jay was finally speaking the words she had dreamt he would and he meant them, she could tell he meant everything he was saying. She’d never heard him sound so sincere.

‘Did you win the game?’ She asked, looking up at him through her lashes.

‘I did,’ he spoke slowly, closing the remaining distance with another small step so they were practically chest to chest. He reached out and gently brushed his thumb across her cheek, removing the stained make up and caressing the skin as he did so.

‘Then maybe you should do the next step of your plan and see what happens,’ Hailey whispered as Jay lowered his face towards hers and pressed his lips softly to hers.

[nice-bright-colors]

Sunday Night:

Searching for the miles associated with buying myself and my father a couple of first class, round trip , tickets from DTW to TPA…you know as one does.

Maybe, just maybe, he’d like to see his last surviving younger brother, just one last time. I should be able to cover airfare, car rental, and a hotel with little out-of-pocket costs.

This was so much easier back when…

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[beardedmrbean]

NEW ORLEANS (AP) — The New Orleans City Council voted Thursday to change the locks on a coveted city-owned apartment in its latest dispute with Mayor LaToya Cantrell, whose use of the French Quarter property drew scrutiny and figured in a failed recall effort.

The newly flaring dispute centers on one of 50 units in the 19th-century building known as the Upper Pontalba. It's steps away from the Mississippi River and, along with St. Louis Cathedral, is among five historic structures bordering the green space known as Jackson Square.

Previous mayors have said they had used the apartment for meetings, special events or to house visiting dignitaries. Cantrell came under criticism for her personal use of the unit after a series of reports by WVUE-TV that used public surveillance video to document her long hours there, including time with her police bodyguard and an overnight stay with guests during the summer Essence Festival.

Her use of the apartment and her billing the city for first-class airfare on official trips abroad — both defended as proper by Cantrell — were among complaints by backers of an unsuccessful 2022 recall effort against the mayor, who was reelected in November 2021 and cannot seek a third consecutive term.

Last August, the council overrode Cantrell's veto of a measure putting the apartment back into commerce with other Pontalba units that are available for rent. That followed a March 2023 finding from the city’s inspector general, who said in a letter to the mayor that her use of the apartment may violate the state constitution’s restrictions on the donation of public property and city code language governing her salary.

Council President J.P. Morrell said in a Feb. 28 letter to the mayor that “furniture and other personal effects” remained in the unit. “It is also my understanding that you and members of your executive protection detail possess the only keys to the unit,” Morrell wrote.

In a statement issued early Wednesday, Cantrell's office said the French Market Corporation, the nonprofit in charge of the building, had keys to enter the unit. It didn't say whether the mayor had given up her keys. The statement said Cantrell is not using the unit and that there have been no impediments to the corporation's access to the unit since last year's ordinance was passed.

“We hope that any reasonable person would recognize that initiating an eviction process is unreasonable when there is no tenant to evict,” the statement said.

The mayor's office did not immediately respond to a request for comment following Thursday's 5-2 council vote. In addition to calling for the French Market Corporation to change the locks, the measure calls for any personal items to be removed by March 21.

“To date,” Morrell told the council Thursday, “whether by inactivity or willfulness, the mayor has refused to comply with the law.”

[bankingusa]

Fed bars former Santander Consumer executive over high-priced gifts

The Federal Reserve has banned a former Santander Consumer USA executive from the banking industry for improperly accepting high-priced gifts such as Super Bowl tickets and luxury hotel stays.

The former executive, Brent Huisman, “routinely solicited and accepted” gifts from auto auction companies that worked with Santander Consumer, the Fed said in an enforcement action made public Thursday. Huisman consented to the issuance of the order.

Huisman previously reached a settlement over the issue with Santander Consumer, which had sued him for accepting the gifts and for the misuse of confidential information. He had also agreed to pay $275,000 to Santander Consumer, the subprime U.S. auto lending affiliate of the Spanish banking giant Banco Santander.

Huisman accepted more than $1 million in gifts from auto auction companies, including Kentucky Derby tickets, first-class airfare and sponsorships for youth sports teams he coached, Dallas-based Santander Consumer said in its lawsuit.

Santander Consumer also alleged that Huisman and his wife used credit cards from an auction house that worked with Santander Consumer. The two used the cards to pay for sporting goods, airline tickets and a yacht rental in Cancun, the lawsuit said. The company said that it learned of the gifts after Huisman’s departure.

As the company’s senior director of asset remarketing, Huisman worked with auto auction companies to sell repossessed vehicles or cars that came off leasing arrangements.

He left Santander Consumer in June 2019, two months after asking staff to print confidential spreadsheets and presentations that contained company sales data and its fees with several vendors, the lawsuit said. He would later use those documents at an unnamed Santander Consumer competitor, according to the lawsuit.

The lawsuit said that Huisman’s conduct disrupted Santander Consumer’s business and harmed the company’s reputation and relationships with current and potential business partners.

Huisman’s lawyer did not respond to a request for comment. Santander Consumer declined to comment.

The Fed’s enforcement action prohibits Huisman from working for a bank without the central bank’s prior approval. Violations would open him up to further civil or criminal penalties.

[that-pissed-off-tolkien-blogger]

Okay so here’s the work update

So, I believe I posted that I got my appendix out earlier this year. That was a whole fiasco with me being in the hospital twice and missing a bit over a week of work. When I came back from work, no one had told me I needed to get doctor clearance to be back even though the person I would have sent it to WATCHED ME LEAVE WORK AT LUNCH FOR EMERGENCY SURGERY! This bitch would continue to be a fucking problem. Anyway, so work made me use all of my leave even though I was like “no don’t pay me I need my leave for something else.”

Fast forward to me putting in my leave for that something else, my study abroad in Scotland. It was roughly a two week study abroad, but I said fuck it I’m gonna stay in London a few extra days after, I deserve it - not that I told work that. I put my leave in and turns out someone is already off at the same time. In my request I put “for mandatory study abroad class”, implying I didn’t have a choice and this leave was happening no matter what. I get an email from that same dumb cunt as before saying “we can’t let you take this, someone is already out then and it’s too long.” I email back with “as per my initial time off request, this is for a mandatory study abroad for a Master’s Program and I have no control over the duration or the time” - corporate speak for “can you fucking read?” So a huff and a fuss later and they allow it because it’s a school thing, but in the meeting about it I am told to my face, in slightly round about words, that if I am off for anything other than illness or something unexpected like a death in the family, I will be fired.

Now, this would not be a problem except for the fact that prior to even being hired at this place my dad had booked and paid for most of the family to go on a cruise - literally everything was paid for including airfare and excursions and it came to around $40k which is basically my entire fucking salary after taxes. So, no way was I going to miss that - ironically I ended up sick and missing half the cruise anyway but that’s a story for later.

Anyway, now I basically have a death sentence over my head. But I keep chugging along with the plan to quit while I’m in Scotland. That’s when work starts getting worse. I was taking three classes at the time, which for a Master’s Program is pretty much full time. I am also working full time and I’m doing catch up work for school after being hospitalized and incapacitated for the second half of the first week of school and the first half of the second week, so two weeks for all intents and purposes. I’m also healing from surgery so I should be resting. Nope, I’m constantly running on 2-4hrs of sleep, which is not healthy normally and an absolutely terrible idea if you’re supposed to be healing.

I’d been doing a bit of homework at work at this time, but mostly saving it for lunch and then the odd small thing during large gaps between patients. Because of the lack of time and pressure I started working on homework all the time between patients. Note, another one of my coworkers was also in school for some kind of a nursing license (LPN, RN idk). So what happens, you ask? Well, I start getting scolded by the head nurse for doing homework. MEANWHILE she and the other nurse were FUCKING HELPING THE OTHER GIRL WITH HER CLASSWORK IN FRONT OF PATIENTS. Double standard much? I didn’t give a fuck so I kept doing homework but the “you better not be doing homework back there” and “are you doing homework” got old real fucking fast.

The end of my semester was in sight so I was under the gun in school and dealing with going in every day to a work environment where I was being treated poorly by the people I worked closest with - FYI the docs? Yeah they were all onboard with me doing homework at work and would say things like “you have to get it done whenever you can”. So finally, I said fuck it. There’s no way I can finish all of what I need to read and do before the end of the semester and go to work if at work during my fucking downtime I can’t do homework - and by downtime I do mean I had done everything in the office I could including restocking and cleaning like I made fucking sure that everything work related that could get done was done. And then one morning I got dressed for work, drove to my mother’s and then quit via email, shut my phone off, and went to sleep on her sofa.

Anyway that’s if. If anyone has questions or needs elaboration on something lmk. Anon is always on.

[robertogreco]

Sinéad O’Connor’s performance at the Amnesty International Concert in Santiago de Chile, October 13, 1990

In 1990, I was a foolish 19-year-old who’d made a very lucky decision, one that came through an ongoing search for both escape and the path of least resistance, the themes of my life at the time. That same decision led a to numerous life-changing experiences, including one that brought me to a live Sinéad O’Connor performance. As an aging person, I think a lot about the past, but I have also been thinking about this all again with O’Connor’s death last week. RIP. (I appreciate the writing that Allyson McCabe has done about O’Connor, a good start being “Appreciation: Sinéad O’Connor was right all along,” “Why Sinéad O’Connor refused to be silenced,” and “Sinéad O’Connor Was Always a Protest Singer.” While I haven’t read it, I suspect that McCabe’s book Why Sinéad O'Connor Matters is very good. I also recommend Amanda Hess’s 2021 “Sinéad O’Connor Remembers Things Differently.”)

As a teen, I had really wanted to spend a year in another country and I didn’t want it to be an English-speaking one – that seemed to me as too similar to be worth the hassle. But I hadn’t really planned well and then needed to scramble to meet the two-year language requirement by signing up for Spanish classes too advanced for my level. Spanish was the only language other than English I’d ever really spent much time with and so it was my only real chance of getting there. I then applied for only one study abroad program, a newly formed one in Valparaíso, Chile. The choice was easy because as a program created at my university it meant the financial aid I was receiving for attendance at the university would apply to the total cost of the program, which even with airfare included ended up being a bit less than regular semesters on campus, and there was a guaranteed transfer of credits upon completion of the program.

My familiarity with Chile, its culture, its history, and its political situation was pretty much non-existent. Less than five months before my arrival, Patricio Alywin, the first post-dictator president, had taken in office. This was the result of the 1988 plebiscite. A lot was changing (and a lot wasn’t) in Chile and the same applied to me. I was finally open to learning in a way that I hadn’t been for years, the direct result of the informal learning inherent in an immersion program. And I was eager to experience as much as possible. One of the benefits of learning a new language can be that you are forced to speak less and listen more. I listened a lot and I learned a lot. I went places, walking and riding the bus all around Valparaíso and Viña del Mar. I didn’t travel far aside from a trip to La Serena and El Valle del Elqui with my host family and a trip to the south at the end of the semester, but I did frequently go to a few nearby places along the coast and into the interior of the Región and occasionally visited Santiago. Two months after I arrived, some classmates and I went to the Amnesty International concert “Desde Chile... un abrazo a la esperanza” (here’s an LA Times article on the concert) in the National Stadium there, the same stadium that had been the site of imprisonment, torture, and murder at the hands of Pinochet and his men. That’s where I saw Sinéad O’Connor just as you can see in the video above. Several artists played too: Luz Casal, Inti Illimani, Wyton Marsalis, Jackson Browne, Rubén Blades y Sesi de Solar, Sting, and Peter Gabriel.

By then, all that I had heard and read started to make more sense (the language too), and it began to transform me and change my perspective on the world. At the end of that year, I was in Puerto Montt and other areas of Southern Chile, and I distinctly remember arguing against the USian buildup to what would eventually become the Gulf War. I can’t imagine I’d arrived at that conclusion, among many others, if it weren’t for the series of events that had led up to me being there.