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prythianpages · 7 months ago

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Hopelessly Devoted | Eris x Reader

Eris x Reader x Azriel | You're hopelessly devoted to Azriel, suspecting he’s your true love. Meanwhile, Eris is hopelessly longing after you. aka Eris being your mate but you're too infatuated with Az to notice.

warnings: slight angst, reader being a bit delulu

*also disclaimer that I am no expert in astrology and my knowledge is usually what I gathered from friends or tiktok so if I'm wrong, please correct me but do it nicely pls bc I am sensitive lol*

a/n: I wasn't sure whether to include Az or not in the pairing but I liked the idea of leaving this fic up to your interpretation. Anyway, happy reading! <3

As you entered the Night Court’s observatory, you traced your fingers along the edge of the great celestial map laid before you. You could feel the soft hum of magic beneath your fingertips, still smell the faintest hint of sage–a remnant of your father’s last ritual here. For centuries, your father has served as the Night Court’s astrologer. He’s guided and advised High Lord Rhysand and on occasion, Keir, the steward of the Court of Nightmares.

Above you, constellations and planets danced across the domed ceiling, the stars gleaming as though they were ready to whisper secrets just for you. You took a deep breath, centering yourself, and placed a palm flat against the massive zodiac wheel etched onto the floor. It began to glow, a warm golden light tracing symbols of the zodiacs and planets.

“Stars above and stars below, reveal the path I seek to know,” you quietly murmured.

The markings on the wheel shifted in response, aligning and realigning with clicking sounds, the warm golden light following. Then, your own chart had appeared, shimmering above you. It was a translucent web of stars and planets connected by silvery lines. You’ve read your birth chart many times, become so familiar with it that you knew it by heart even.

But tonight, you needed the extra reassurance. So you looked up, watching as the planets moved slowly. Your heartbeat a little faster as you spotted Jupiter making transit through your seventh house. The promise of growth, abundance, luck and most important of all, love filled the air.

You slipped a small vial from the hidden pocket of your cobalt blue dress. The words Love Potion No.9 gleamed on the glass, the dark red liquid swirling. It was the enchanted perfume you’d bought from a witch last week—a little love potion designed to make you irresistibly alluring to your soulmate.

You felt a bit foolish, seeking a witch for guidance on love of all matters. Witches were frowned upon in the Court of Nightmares, after all. But impatience had finally nudged you to venture beyond the court’s dark mountain and into the surrounding forests, in search of someone who could help.

“Seek the one who walks between light and shadow with a mask of cool indifference, where fire meets the edge of night. There your heart shall find its match,” she had told you as she handed you the enchanted perfume.

Her words had only confirmed what you had been suspecting for years, centuries even.

Azriel was your soulmate.

Azriel, the very embodiment of cool indifference, wore a mask of stoicism in the Court of Nightmares, just as High Lord Rhysand did. But his hazel eyes always seemed to burn with a hidden fire. And when you were alone with him, away from the cold nobility of the Night Court, Azriel would let that mask slip, revealing a kinder side that laughed and smiled with you. He was your friend and not only did he literally walk among shadows, he wielded them. It had to be him!

And then, there was your birth chart. Your seventh house lay in Taurus—a sign ruled by Venus. With Venus positioned in your twelfth house, everything pointed to the idea that your future soulmate would bring your happiness and pleasure. And since you met Azriel all those years ago during a counseling your father led, happiness had been an emotion you'd grown more familiar with.

The stars couldn’t have given you a clearer message!

There was a flutter in your stomach as you approached Azriel. The two of you had been stealing glances at one another, as you usually did anytime you found yourselves in the same place. He looked as beautiful as ever. As dreamy as ever.

Though your High Lord and High Lady had moved to the center of the ballroom for a dance, he had stayed by the dais. “Hello,” you greeted him with a small smile.

Azriel turned to you, that mask of his slipping for just a brief moment to smile back at you. He took the extra wine glass in your hold, murmuring a small thanks. He turned his head back to the dance floor, attentive to his High Lady’s whereabouts. But he shifted closer to you, the coolness of his shadows caressing your bare arm and you couldn’t help but wonder if the perfume was working.

“You look nice,” he commented.

“Thanks.” A blush rose to your cheeks. You’d taken care to match your dress to the exact shade of his siphons. And he noticed. “So do you.”

“I wear this all the time.” Azriel replied drily, referring to his usual Illyrian leathers.

“Yeah, I know.” You cursed yourself inwardly for the awkward response, then shifted closer, leaning toward him. “Do I smell to you?”

Azriel paused, his shadows brushing close, as if curious themselves. “No,” he said after a moment.

“Oh.” Disappointment seeped into your voice despite your best efforts, and his gaze shifted to you, a hint of a frown in his brows.

“Do you want to smell?”

There’s a teasing edge to his tone, a subtle quirk of his lips. You shook your head, letting out a small, nervous laugh. "No. I just wanted to know if I smelled any…different…,” and then, in a much quieter tone, you murmured, “to you.”

Azriel considered your words. He looked to you in what seemed like permission. You gave a nod of your head and he leaned in, his warm breath sending a shiver down your spine. “You smell the same to me.” At the breath you let out, he quickly added: “which is good by the way. You smell nice.”

“Oh, okay,” you smile, albeit a bit awkwardly, the flutter you had felt in your stomach earlier twisting into a knot.

“Y/n, is everything alright?” Azriel asked softly.

“Yeah, I just thought—” You stopped, not sure how to explain without sounding foolish. It wasn’t like you could admit to feeling disappointed over the lack of reaction from an enchanted perfume you’d spent quite a fortune on. Especially when he was the sole purpose for it. Had the witch scammed you?

Azriel waited for you patiently, concern flashing in his eyes. Maybe the perfume hadn’t worked, but the stars and planets had never led you astray. That still had to mean something, right?

“I’m fine.” You finally said.

“Are you sure?”

The way he was looking at you had warmth creeping up your neck and settling deeper in your cheeks. “Yeah.”

A single shadow curled around Azriel’s ear and in the blink of an eye, his head turned. Your gaze followed his, to where Rhysand and Feyre were standing. Rhysand sent him a slight nod and with a sigh, Azriel returned it.

“Sorry, I have to go.” Azriel said, quickly downing the remaining wine from his glass.

You held out your hand, offering to take it for him.

“Thank you. I’ll be back. Don’t have too much fun without me, alright?”

“I’ll try not to,” you replied.

You watched Azriel disappear into his shadows before turning away from the dais and making your way to the refreshments table. You were eager for a refill on your glass. Perhaps a little more wine would help ease the sting of disappointment. But he’d said he’d be back, hadn’t he?

As you scanned the room, you noticed your father in conversation with one of Keir’s sons and your mother eyeing potential suitors for your older brother. As an elite warrior of the Darkbringers, he had no shortage of admirers, and it was only a matter of time before your mother secured him a match—perfect or not.

You suspected you’d be next on her matchmaking list, so you busied yourself with small talk among familiar ladies. Conversations were always a mind-numbing, the ladies your age exchanging beauty tips that centered around the male’s eye or fawning over this season’s most eligible males. Which this season just so happens to be your brother. Gross. If only they knew him the way you did….

Second to him was Bret—or some equally uninspiring name. A Scorpio, of all things, which clashed miserably with your chart. Not that it mattered. You had no interest in any noble of the Court of Nightmares. Or any male here. Most, if not all, were cruel and narcissists, only viewing females as child bearers and nothing more.

There was a reason why this court was burdened with the title “Nightmares.” And to marry someone from here would mean never waking up from this darkness. No stars to light your night skies, only endless shadow and despair.

So, you’d taken fate into your own hands. You’d turned to your birth chart, hoping the stars would lead you somewhere beyond Hewn City, beyond this never-ending nightmare. And they had. They led you to believe it was Azriel. Azriel, who was not only honorable and single but also, technically, part of the Court of Dreams. He’d been your friend for centuries, seeing you for who you are rather than an object or prize like most males here.

As you sneak away from the conversation, you bump into something–someone. Behind you, a deep voice huffed a low, mocking chuckle. “Easy there, librarian.”

You could recognize that voice anywhere, could recognize the heat radiating from him. It pressed down on you, leaving you simmering with irritation.

“I’m a libra, not a librarian.” You bit out. It hasn’t even been a minute and already you were exhausted by the searing presence behind you. “And besides, to you, it’s Lady Y/N.”

When you turned, you found Eris looming over you. His amber eyes gleamed with a familiar, infuriating mischief. He gave you that signature smirk of his, the one that made his sharp features all the more arrogant. “Such a harsh tone. Hardly fitting for a Lady.”

Your gaze hardened into a glare, only to have it stray toward a movement across the ballroom. A flicker of shadow caught your attention, and your heart gave a small, hopeful jump as your gaze softened. There he was—Azriel.

He had returned to the ballroom…but he hadn’t returned to you…

Eris raised a glass to his lips, amber eyes flicking lazily between you and Azriel. “Disappointment doesn’t suit you.”

“I’m not disappointed.” You muttered hastily.

He gave a scoff, his smirk widening with dark amusement. “Please. I can practically feel it.”

“Liar,” you shot back.

“Azriel said he’d find me again and unlike you, he’s a male of his word,” you continued, not sure why you were telling Eris this. “He’s…”

Your words trailed off as you watched Azriel, who stood next to Nesta and Elain. He laughed–actually laughed!-- at something Elain had said, shadows absent from his frame as his focus remained solely on her. You couldn’t miss the soft smile playing on his lips, nor the warmth in his gaze. Did he do that with every female he knew? You thought he reserved that just for you…

The bubble in your chest slowly deflated.

“Keep dreaming,” Eris huffed out. He seemed to take special pleasure in your reaction. It prompted your cheeks to flush but this time, with irritation.

“Oh, go away, you prick,” you said, rolling your eyes. “You don’t understand.”

“Oh, wouldn’t I?" he replied, leaning closer, his sharp gaze burning into you. You missed the flash of longing in his amber eyes, too focused on Azriel. Or the way the words that had been on the tip of his tongue faltered as your scent suddenly overwhelmed him, his breath hitching slightly.

"You smell.”

“Gee, thanks,” you mumbled absently.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” he said, his voice gruff and pupils flaring. “You smell different tonight…good...”

You blinked, barely processing his words. Was he actually being nice to you? In all the years you’ve known him, he’s always had snark remark after snark remark for you. The way it would roll smoothly off his tongue always left you wondering if he’d rehearse them for his visits to the Court of Nightmares.

You fidgeted, fingers grazing your wine glass as you cast a hesitant glance back at Azriel. Your chest tightened as he remained engrossed in conversation with Elain. Turn around, please. But he hadn’t even looked your way once.

Eris stepped in front of you, drawing your attention back to him. His gaze roamed over you, your dress. He took in the shade and he knew why you had chosen it–and for whom. "You know," he said, his gaze lingering on your face. "Red suits you far better.”

“And there he is, you’re back…”

"I’m serious. This—" He gestured to your gown with a slight grimace, his fingers brushing the silk fabric in disappointment. "This color washes you out. Red would bring out the color of your eyes…”

Your jaw clenched but you remained silent, refusing to admit that his words stirred something within you. Eris was insufferable, arrogant, and yet you couldn't deny his eye for detail. He, after all, was always dressed impeccably in the finest Autumn attire. But you would never give him the satisfaction of admitting he might be right.

His smirk widened, as if he knew exactly what you were thinking. “Do you want to know another thing?”

“No,” you said immediately.

But he leaned in anyway, his breath warm against your ear. “You’re hopelessly devoted to a male who doesn’t even look your way.”

Your mouth opened, brows furrowing in protest, but he went on. His smirk softened, fading into a half-smile. One that didn’t reach his eyes, dimming the fire that usually burned so brightly there. And then, in a much quieter, reluctant tone, he murmured, “And I am no different, it seems.”

"But…" You stammered, resisting the urge to steal another glance at Azriel. "He does look my way…sometimes.”

Eris’s smile faded, his expression tightening. A flicker of pain crossed his face. So brief, you almost thought you imagined it. "You’re delusional.”

“And you’re insufferable.” You scoffed, heart pounding.

“Better than being a fool.”

The mocking tone was there but the usual sharpness had been softened by a strange, subtle sadness. Was this… pity?

You swallowed, lifting your chin defiantly. “The stars wouldn’t lie to me,” you said, though the conviction in your voice wavered. “He’s the one for me.”`

You met his eyes then and Eris held your gaze. His amber eyes warm and molten, the intensity of his stare prickling at your skin. An unsettling flutter erupted in your stomach, rising to your chest. A feeling you quickly dismissed when you felt something cool brush against your arm.

“Is he bothering you, y/n?”

Eris scoffed at the sudden presence beside you. It sickened him to see that sweet, adoring look on your face, the triumphant gleam in your eyes as you looked up at Azriel. The sight made Eris grit his teeth. His instincts roared at him, the fire in his veins was scorching.

You blinked, snapping out of your daze, realizing both males were waiting for your answer. “No,” you said but the way you shifted to stand behind Azriel said otherwise.

Azriel’s gaze hardened as he looked toward Eris. “Stay away from her,” he seethed.

A low growl rumbled from Eris’s chest as he took a step forward, his amber eyes flaring with rage. Though not as tall as Azriel, he seemed to tower over him at this moment. His teeth flashed as his lips curled into a snarl. “I do not take orders from bastards like you.”

Azriel’s wings tensed, threatening to unfurl and the movement of his shadows quickened. Like a storm ready to unfold. But before it could, you placed a hand on his arm. Right over one of his glowing siphons that seemed to be growing hotter and hotter, daring to match the fire coursing through Eris’s veins.

“Az, don’t,” you told him gently, not wanting to draw any attention to the three of you. You felt his muscles ease under your touch, his shadows brushing over your hand in agreement.

Eris’s gaze dropped to your hand on Azriel’s arm, his expression darkening into something unreadable. He exhaled sharply, turning his head as though trying to shake off whatever thought had crossed his mind.

When he looked back, his features had shifted into his usual cool mask, that infuriating smirk sliding back into place. He looked right at you.

“When you wake up from this deranged dream of yours, come find me.”

You watched him, feeling a strange, unwelcome tug in your chest as he turned to leave. Perhaps, one day you’d realize that the enchanted perfume you had bought was not a scam.

And that the male you searched through the stars and planets for was not the one standing beside you, but the one who’d just walked away.

a/n: sorry if you're not a libra, I just thought it'd be funny for Eris to purposely say reader's sign wrong as he knows astrology is a huge influence on her.

[series masterlist]

[Eris masterlist]

General tag list: @scooobies, @kennedy-brooke, @sillysillygoose444 @lilah-asteria @the-sweet-psycho

@daycourtofficial, @milswrites, @stormhearty, @pit-and-the-pen, @mybestfriendmademe

@loving-and-dreaming @azriels-human @mrsjna, @adventure-awaits15, @lorosette

@alwayshave-faith

#eris x reader #eris x you #eris x y/n #eris fanfiction #azriel x reader #azriel fanfiction #acotar x reader #acotar x you #acotar x y/n #acotar fanfiction

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scribblestatic · 3 months ago

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In celebration of me finally starting to put Spider Yuan on AO3, have another installment uwu

Prev Masterpost Next

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Considering the methods of cultivating a humanoid body was proving pretty difficult, especially when the being in question could only, for reasons unknown, associate such a body with weakness.

Fewer eyes, fewer limbs, less imposing.

But at the same time, he does wish to talk to people of various races. He wishes to travel a little, too. As much as he's enjoyed his time at home, he wants to stretch his legs a little, perhaps leave more of the duties to the other spiders for a while. Zhuzi seems to be taking up the mantle even more, especially since she updated him on events in the nearby human village.

Besides, he could somewhat play around with what his humanoid form would be like, right? It wasn't as though he had to directly mimic the appearance of a human. As long as he could fit into doors and had thumbs when necessary, that would probably be best.

He doesn't have to make a body like he'd had before...

...?

When did he have a humanoid body before?

Eh, it didn't really matter.

Having decided that he would walk among humans and demons at least a little bit, he began cultivating a humanoid form.

Of course, he quite likes his current body. There's a very nice feeling that comes with being a large spider, able to build intricate webs that are difficult for the common beast, human, or demon to break down. He wouldn't be replacing it. Rather, it would be like...having another suit. Yes.

He's simply building another outfit aside from the one he always wears.

He's sure demons can do the same thing. Huli jing are quite notorious for it, aren't they? Fox spirits, whether a spiritual beast or a demon, can become beautiful people, but can also be in their fox form, can't they? He'd just do something similar.

Though, he does like having eight eyes. If he arranges the eyes on the face a little... And having more than four limbs is ideal. He could attach the remaining four there and there... His silk could come from over there...yes. And how should he shift from one form to the other? Hmm...

It's a thorough designing process that takes up a lot of his time, so he doesn't mind it so much when Fan Zhenzhen, Ruoxing, and their family visit less and less. He instead is able to throw himself into the process without minding what is going on around him, cultivating and gaining strength. He'll need a lot of it for the transformation, he knows instinctively.

It's in this focused state that he finds himself being interrupted by a pale girl.

And by pale, he means really pale. Pale white. Like, as in paper.

Her pale, almost porcelain-looking skin is curtained by fluffy grey hair. She wears straight-cut bangs that were above her round eyebrows—ah, are those disguised eyes, actually?—and her wide, cat-like eyes were a pale, cloudy blue color, the kind from the sky on a rainy day. Although some of her hair is done up in two little balls, the rest fluffs down her neck. Two thick strands, though, bend up and partially over her bangs from the whorl of her hair, like little spider legs.

Her cheeks are dusted with rounded pink circles, as though they were painted on rather than natural. Adding to her rather inhuman appearance are her clearly long, elf-like ears, though they point out more to the sides than upward. Aside from her face, she wears a poqun, her top made with dark green threads and the skirt pale green.

It takes him a moment to process who this is.

"...Zhuzi."

"Yes, Dage." Her voice is flat despite the small smile on her face.

"When did you cultivate a human form?"

"About seven years ago."

"Hmm... I...ah, don't recall this time passing."

"You've been very focused on cultivating, Dage. When I asked how you were moving, you said you were...'in the zone'. Doing something called 'autopilot'."

What was autopilot? Like, he understood what it meant the instant he heard the word, but as to where it came from, he was unsure.

"Then, how much time has passed?"

"About 20 years."

Eh?

Twenty years passed just like that?

When he thinks about it further, he starts processing what he's been doing. He vaguely remembers a few things, the more he ponders, like exchanging stories, meeting demons and humans. He's eaten a few offenders who didn't have better manners, giving him little boosts in his cultivation.

His mind wasn't empty at all during this time. In fact, he was working harder than ever, building, manufacturing, further developing his plots of land, cementing his territory...

He barely realized he'd done all of that, though only now he recognizes that, yes, this time has indeed passed and life has gone on.

"Excuse me for interrupting you. I wasn't sure how much longer you would be on, as you said, 'autopilot'. I felt this would be something of importance," Zhuzi murmurs. She puts her hand to her chin, and Shen Yuan notices the segments in her fingers, her skin actually a spider's exoskeleton.

"Mm. What is of importance?"

"It seems that Fan Zhenzhen has become bedridden."

When Fan Zhenzhen met the Great Spider, she was in her mid-20s. Her son was born not too long after meeting him.

With the successful birth of her son and the growing prosperity of Xiaoshan Village (小山村 - Xiǎo Shāncūn - Little Mountain Village), she quickly became a prominent figure. Because her stories produced the most beneficial results, others came to her for advice on what to tell the God of the Woods.

Having told him several stories, she found he appreciated both the real and dramatized, but not so dramatic that it was ridiculous. Moreover, whether he liked the story or not, he would always critique it, from how it was told to how he views the characters. This advice and further practice on storytelling grew their prowess and critical thinking. She found that the things that made sense to the spider were not always common to humans, however, for a great being such as himself, surely his logic was sound.

And so, the girls of the village began receiving more education. Although apprenticeships were initially only for boys, families and teachers began allowing girls to participate more frequently. Although some remained in the home to take care of the family, others were becoming tradeswomen, and boys who were less educationally gifted had room to take up more space in the home.

It was strange. Not very natural. Certainly not Confucian...or, perhaps, more Confucian than the way they'd been living before. Although girls were taught to stay home, to be filial to their parents, and to not be jealous if their husband had more wives, did he not have the Silver Rule? If boys couldn't handle living the same way as their fellows, then surely, someone's status had to change.

It was through this theory that Fan Zhenzhen eventually acquired the title of Village Elder, making her the new leader once the previous one passed. After all, her logic was backed by Lulin Zhizhu, who provided for them and protected them. How could she be wrong?

Once her son reached his teenage years, he became infatuated with Han Miyun, her daughter-in-law. Although she could never appreciate spiders the way she does, she understood. Fear was another form of respect, in a way.

Though, she would likely have to conquer her overly fearful constitution one way or another. After all, Ruoxing was quite close to their god, the one who blessed and protected him. He was to be the next Village Head upon her inability to continue her role, something he agreed to do.

In her 50s, she met her first grandchild. She watched, later on, as this same grandchild left the village for a cultivation sect, her spiritual veins strong and full of vigor. Even though she could not come visit often, she continued to send letters in her increasingly neat and orderly handwriting, talking about the upper realm of mortals with great infatuation.

Those years ago, when she'd been starving and growing cold, Fan Zhenzhen had never once thought a child or grandchild of hers would reach such heights. To be able to see it with her own eyes was such a great blessing, more than she could've ever asked for.

It was because she learned some of these strange events of a world more fantastical than the one she lived in that, when a spider came down the mountain in a human-like form, greeting them with a blank expression, she took it in stride. She ignored the unnatural smoothness of her skin and the segments showing the bends of her joints. She ignored how her god's little assistant was adapting, changing her mannerisms to be more comfortable for those who couldn't handle the splendor of a spider's power.

Instead, as she grew older and less able to make the trek to see her god up close, she relied on Mishu-zhang (秘书长 - mìshū zhǎng - secretary general) to relay her messages, inquiries, and stories. Judging by how she would swiftly return within a day or two, it seemed her god held no grudge against her for not coming to visit like she used to.

Now, in her 70s, her body has grown weary. Perhaps she overworked herself in her younger years, but her knees creaked when she moved. Her back curled inward and she ran out of breath faster. She'd been quite fit, but she felt herself deteriorating somehow.

One day, when she found moving from her bed to be too strenuous, she realized what this likely was.

Peace.

Peace and desire.

Her son was quite alright, wasn't he? He'd grown up well. He was strong, and he had several children with a lovely woman.

Their village was safe, protected from beast, human, and demon alike. Their wisdom, grown over decades alongside their fields, was fruitful and multiplying. New ideas came from the minds of all developing children, with room to practice and test the validity of their inventions and intuition.

Fan Zhenzhen had worked hard. She was seeing the results of her hard work, and my, how wonderful it was.

But she was watching it alone.

In her peace, she found she wanted one thing, and the one thing was something her god likely couldn't grant her. Not that she would blame him, no. After all, it was something she could grant herself.

What she wanted was to be by her husband's side. To tell him, in the afterlife, that they had a son. That their son found love. That their love has blossomed into a plentiful tree that will carry the evidence of their bond for generations to come.

She wanted her Gao Cheng (高成 - Gāo Chéng).

However, simply wasting away wasn't her style.

So, even from her bed, she continued to give directions. She fulfilled her duties, passing more of them over to her son as the seasons rolled onwards. Winter, spring, summer, fall...she watched the seasons pass through her window as Han Miyun ensured her comfort.

One day, they bring her outside using a wheeled chair, some new invention by a mystery developer. Though her legs had grown too weak to carry her any longer, she was still able to breathe in the cool, dewy air.

Growing old like this was such a luxury. And, soon, perhaps after another winter or two, she'd be able to relay her long journey with the one man she loved romantically in all her life.

There isn't much time.

He can feel it, when he pays attention.

Like a light is flickering in the corner of his eyes.

He has to hurry.

He bought her some time, sending the wheelchair design to get her out of her house and prevent her from growing too used to the fugue state of being bedridden.

Though having time outside may have given some oxygen to her flame, it was still going to go out.

Such was the case of mortals. Lest they cultivated, they had no chance to extend their lives. Their souls would return to the cycle.

She's leaving soon.

He doesn't...

He doesn't want her to leave alone.

If he can speak to her one last time.

Just one last time—

He needs this, he realizes.

He needs to see her again.

When did she become so important to him?

When did he become okay with them growing apart?

Was he ever okay with it?

Or did he just retreat into himself so it hurt less?

Why did the thought of leaving her behind hurt so much...ah.

Wasn't she the one leaving him behind? Why did he think it...

Ah. Wrong face.

Wrong person.

They look so much alike when he thinks about it.

Fan Zhenzhen, and the girl he sometimes sees when he's knitting or sewing.

...

One last time.

Please, just one last time.

Let him do it right.

Zhuzi waits by the entrance of the cave with her hands tucked into her sleeves. The other spiders cannot be too close. The swirling and spiking of qi is too much for them. Even Zhuzi is sweating, keeping her mind afloat despite the raging energy inside.

However, she knows this feeling well. She, too, rushed to cultivate a humanoid form.

When Dage could not attend the human wedding, he had been upset.

He never expressed it outwardly, but she could feel it. The days leading up to it, he had murmured about attendance, only to talk himself out of it each time. He was a large and strong spider. The humans wouldn't be able to handle him at such an occasion.

So, she attended, as closely as she could. But even that was quite distant.

She saw the food they ate, the festivities, the gleaming lights and dances...

She was interested. Surely Dage was also interested. But he was busy, and she, less so.

He was so busy, perhaps because he made himself busy. He threw himself into being occupied, so much so that he receded into himself in cultivation.

She knew of the very few humans and demons that made a comfortable warmth flow from his body. When they spent more time away, the warmth became less frequent. ...What was that feeling? Why was the warmth going away?

Perhaps she rushed to make a humanoid form, to discover what this feeling was, but it worked out in the end. She tamed her roiling qi and formed something reasonable enough. And, after watching humans and their habits, she clothed herself despite not needing to, and she walked down from Dage's sacred webs.

The human woman that produced the most warmth from him looked different now. Her hair had turned from black to grey, and she had wrinkles in her soft, easy-to-puncture skin (she wasn't sure she would ever get used to their lack of exoskeleton). Her steps were less sure, but her stance and countenance was firm as ever.

Whenever she returned from a visit to the human village and told the story to Dage, despite being on 'autopilot', the warmth would flow through and out of him once more, if just for a little while.

But the warm, sun-like lady was dying. Once she died, Zhuzi wouldn't be able to tell Dage anymore stories about her. That's why she interrupted his 'autopilot'.

And just like her, he, too, began to rush.

However, unlike her, he'd been cultivating quietly for 20 years. It took him less time to solidify his new, secondary exoskeleton.

The rampant energy sucks inward...and then releases in a calm wave. A mere breeze, smelling like fresh silk and dewdrops.

And then, she heard skittering.

A great presence, more imposing than ever before, was clicking its way toward the cave's entrance at great speed.

However, before it could rush out, Zhuzi stepped in front of it, spreading her arms out to the sides to block its way.

Thankfully, it...he stopped.

"...Dage."

He stares at her for a moment. Then, like returning to consciousness, his body relaxes as his joints uncoil.

"Ah, Zhuzi."

"Dage, where are you going?"

"Mm? I'm heading down to see Fan Zhenzhen. It's been much too long since I saw her last. And Ruoxing, too. How much longer do I need to wait for them to visit? Aiyah, it's like they've forgotten me. Though, I know they haven't. So, I will go to see them."

"Mm. I understand. But Dage, you cannot go unclothed."

"Unclothed? ...Ah. Right. Yes, humans do wear clothes, don't they?"

He gets up off of his hands, the limbs on his back receding into his body. His legs, bent much like a mosquito's...or perhaps a dog's...straightened somewhat as he stood on them, his long feet ending in two blackened, fuzzy toes. Long black hair flowed down his body like a river, even covering his face. However, he seemed to be able to see just fine.

As he lifted his head further, she could see why.

"I suppose I should make some, then."

#spider shen yuan #svsss #svsss au #dp writes #static writes #au post 4 #he made a humanoid form in the end #heavy emphasis on “humanoid”#cause bro don't really look human #zhuzi and shen yuan speak casually with each other uwu

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divinit3a · 2 months ago

Note

i really like your eldritch aliens story.

pls may i have some more?

hehe hi, thank you :D that means a lot to me to hear!! (i like them also... tis fun to draw Freaklets)

the lovely @rosescarletful wrote a oneshot for them!! (they have requests open, the kindest of the kind 💚)

I gently place some doodles into your hands....

and... a snippet of writing for them, below... :3c

The back of your eyelids flutter as you lift your head up.

At the sight that greets you, you struggle to lurch back. And fail.

Moving in a constant ripple is a wall of seamless gristle. Cut into the expanse is segments which begin to define the edges of its limbs into coarse webbing, the distinct and unpleasant color of viscera.

From the writhing mass, blossoming outward like an unruly, parasitic sprout off an orchid, a mockery of familiar features takes form. The surface of its body is unnaturally smooth and simultaneously jagged in other areas, like a sculptor’s unfinished chisel into pure marble.

The body bends down closer. It pushes a semblance of a face near yours. The motion is all too fluid and fast, like it lacks the skeletal structure to bend at joints with a limited range. Instead, the flesh folds and collapses into itself. Reforms elsewhere.

From the center of what you’d call its chest, an eye blinks open. Peeling apart the flat plane to make room for the rounded optic that pushes outward. Rings of light circle around what you designate its pupil. The brightest point.

Once you make the mistake of eye contact, a compulsion latches onto you.

It feels impossible to look away.

You shrink back further into the web of sinew that binds you in place. The scientific half of your mind is curious. The logical half of your mind is deeply afraid.

You hurry to squeeze your eyes shut as all of their remaining infinite eyes blink open.

Every pupil leers directly at you. Countless white dots. There's an intense pressure, like a migraine, pressing down on your brain. It feels like having fingers caress against the spongy organ before squeezing so hard that it threatens to bleed out your nostrils instead.

Soft suggestions flood in. Soothe over the pain with mindless, humming static. The wordless messages caress your subconscious like wind sweeping through strands of hair. To look. To open your eyes.

#ahh thank you again <3 very sweet of u!!#to enable the YAPS.. hehe #fnaf dca #dca fandom #fnaf sb #daycare attendant #fnaf daycare attendant #sun fnaf #moon fnaf #pom yaps #pom draws #pom writes #dca community #ao3 link #dca x yn #dca alien au #chimera cosmic au

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scarluna · 6 months ago

Text

Y/N, a gifted but self-conscious graphic designer, lands a job at Jeon Enterprises, a powerhouse ruled by the sharp and controlling Jeon Jungkook, whose ruthless perfectionism hides behind an enigmatic façade. Though admired and feared, Jungkook targets Y/N’s insecurities, using them as weapons against her.

Beside him stands his best friend, Min Yoongi, a sly and unpredictable force whose hot-and-cold behavior leaves Y/N questioning his motives.

Tangled in a web of cold authority, teasing games, and unspoken desire, Y/N must navigate a dangerous love triangle where ambition and emotion collide, threatening to unravel everything.

Pairing: Jungkook x Fem!Reader x Min Yoongi

Genre/Tags: plus sized reader, enemies to lovers, ceo!jungkook, graphic designer!reader, mafia!yoongi

Link to the other chapters: ACT I / ACT III / ACT IV / ACT V / ACT VI / ACT VII / ACT VIII

Chapters: 2 / ?

Chapter Warnings: mature language, bullying, slow burn, enemies to lovers

ACT II.

The office was a battlefield, and I was the only one unarmed.

Every day felt like a fresh assault. Tina’s barbs were sharper, her voice dripping with fake sympathy as she leaned over my desk. “Oh, Y/N, are you sure you’re comfortable in that chair? It looks like it’s a little… snug.”

I tried to ignore her, my cheeks burning as I focused on the mock-up on my screen. She’d been relentless all week, and every comment felt like a jab to my already low self-esteem. I was keeping quiet, minding my own business but the bullying never seemed to stop. I wanted to be the bigger person, the mature person who doesn't take things to heart. And it seemed like it from outside, but from the inside I was suffering.

Across the room, Yoongi wasn’t much better. His criticisms were less direct, but no less cutting. He had a way of making me feel incompetent without ever raising his voice. “Y/N, these designs lack creativity,” he’d say, his tone calm but loaded with judgment. “Maybe it’s time you considered a role that’s more… fitting for your skill set. Like data entry.”

I bit my lip, swallowing the lump in my throat. I wasn’t going to cry. Not here, not in front of them.

Jungkook, however, was the worst of all. Every glance he threw my way felt like a judgment, every word like a blow.

“You’re moving too slow,” he snapped one afternoon, slamming a stack of papers onto my desk, leaning over to my face whilst his dark eyes burned into my soul. “Do you even understand deadlines? Or is thinking that fast too much for you?”

The team laughed quietly, but the sound roared in my ears. I felt my hands tremble. I wanted to open my mouth, I wanted to shout and say that I quit this god forsaken place, but I couldn't. Call me weak, call me pushover or whatever, but this job was important to me and I wanted to keep proving my worth.

By the end of the day, I was drained of course. My confidence was in shreds, my energy spent. But the worst moments came when I was alone at home, sitting in my small one-bedroom flat with my dog curled up at my feet and tears streaming down my face.

That evening, I sat at the kitchen table, staring at a cold cup of tea in my hands. Hades, my dog, whimpered, sensing my distress, and I reached down to stroke his soft fur.

“I’m fine,” I whispered in a shaky voice, wiping my tears away. It has been like this for weeks. I was at work, bullied, mocked at, then came home and cried my eyes out the entire evening. And then when I opened my eyes in the next morning, the cycle repeated itself.

I thought of my parents, so far away and unaware of the chaos in my life. I couldn’t burden them with this. I thought of my brother in prison, the shame my family carried, and the weight of holding everything together by myself.

And yet, I knew I couldn’t give up. If I lost this job, I’d lose everything. My apartment, my independence, my sense of self. I had to keep going, no matter how much it hurt.

The next morning, I dragged myself into the office, my body heavy with exhaustion and my eyes burning from all the crying and lack of sleep.

The morning passed in a blur of emails, revisions, and pointed comments from Yoongi and Tina which I ignored, I was too lost in thoughts to even listen to them anymore. By lunchtime, my head was pounding, but I pushed through, forcing myself to finish the latest round of edits.

“You look terrible,” Tina said as she passed my desk, her voice dripping with mocking concern. “Maybe you should take a break. But then again, even when you take a break you'd do a shitty job afterward yet again.”

I ignored her, focusing on the screen in front of me. My surroundings were like a blurr. Somewhat, I lost sense of my emotions the moment I focused on my design as this was the only thing helping me out in this moment.

By the end of the day, my vision was blurring. My body felt like it was on autopilot, moving through tasks without really comprehending what I was doing. Of course I did fuck up a few times, stumbling in my tasks and that did not go unnoticed by my boss.

“Y/N, are you listening?” Jungkook’s voice snapped me out of my daze.

I blinked, realizing I had been staring at my screen without hearing a word of the conversation happening around me.

“Yeah. . . I am listening," I lied lowly, refusing to meet his eyes.

I could practically hear him scoff and probably roll his eyes. “You’re useless. Why are you even here?”

The words hit me like a slap, but I couldn’t muster the strength to respond.

It happened that evening at the end of my workday, just as I was finishing the last of my assignments. I stood up from my desk, the world tilting around me and my legs went weak. My vision blurred, and before I could catch myself, everything went black.

When I came to my senses, I was lying on the floor, a small crowd gathered around me. Rya’s worried face was the first thing I saw, her hands gently patting my cheeks.

“Y/N! Are you okay?” she asked, her voice filled with panic. "Should we call an ambulance?"

I groaned, my body aching as I tried to sit up. “N-no, i-it's fine. What happened?” I was pulled up gently by Rya as the other colleagues slowly walked away because they saw Rya's murderous glance. This girl was doing everything to protect me and she had no clue how grateful and appreciative I was to her for that.

“You fainted,” Rya said, helping me up. “You’ve been pushing yourself too hard.” I was also not eating at all, because their jokes about how I looked finally had gotten to me.

Hoseok appeared, holding a bottle of water. “You need to take care of yourself, Y/N,” he said gently. “This job isn’t worth destroying your health over.”

I felt tears prick at my eyes, but I forced them back, nodding weakly. “I’m fine,” I said, though my voice shook. “I’ll be fine.” I saw Hoseok and Rya look at each other and then back at me. From the corner of my eye I saw Tina stand not too far away, arms crossed against her chest. She huffed and headed down the hallway. This was a lost cause, wasn't it? Working at such a big company, getting paid well, just to be treated like trash...

Deep down, I knew that me saying I was fine was far from the truth. Something had to change soon—because if it didn’t, I wasn’t sure how much more I could take.

I didn’t expect the knock on my door that Saturday morning. Weekends were my time to recharge, to hide from the world and the constant judgment I faced at work. I would spend the weekends curled in bed, eating my emotions away and watching crime documentaries while Hades was curled by my side. But when I opened the door and saw whoever was standing there, a small smile on his face and a bouquet of sunflowers in his hands, my heart skipped a beat.

“Taehyung?” I blinked, caught off guard by the sight of my childhood best friend. It had been months since we’d last seen each other, though we’d kept in touch through our parents.

“Surprise,” he said warmly, holding out the flowers. “Thought I’d stop by and say hello. You’re not busy, are you?”

I shook my head, taking the flowers with a smile. “Not at all. Come in!”

He stepped inside, taking in the small space. Hades barked excitedly at the newcomer, running in circles around Taehyung’s legs.

“Hades,” I said with a laugh, scooping up my little dog. “Be nice. This is Taehyung.”

Taehyung grinned, scratching behind Hades’ ears. “You have a dog now? I should’ve brought treats.” "It's okay, he shouldn't eat much or else he'd become pudgy." "But pudgy is cute." he muttered and I giggled. His aura and presense somehow made me feel safe and at ease. I forgot how much of a kind hearted man Tae was. And here he was, dressed casually, hair a cute mess and a lazy smile gracing his features.

We spent a few minutes catching up before Taehyung suggested we take a walk. “It’s been ages since we’ve just hung out,” he said. “Let’s go to the park. Get some fresh air.”

The park was peaceful, the late morning sun casting a golden glow over the trees. We walked along the path, Hades trotting happily beside us on his leash. The park was not filled with many people this early in the morning and I was grateful for that. Somehow a lot of people made me anxious.

“So,” Taehyung said, breaking the comfortable silence, “how’s life in the big city? Still doing graphic design?”

“Yeah,” I said, trying to sound more enthusiastic than I felt. “It’s… a lot. But I’m managing.”

He raised an eyebrow, clearly unconvinced. “Managing, huh? That doesn’t sound like the Y/N I know. You used to dream big. What happened to that spark of yours?”

I shrugged, avoiding his gaze. “Life happened, I guess.”

Taehyung frowned but didn’t press further. Instead, he changed the subject. “Have you heard from your parents recently? My mom mentioned they were planning to visit soon.”

I nodded. “We talk every week. They’re good, keeping busy.”

“And your brother?”

I hesitated, the mention of my brother a sensitive topic, of course. I didn't talk to anyone about him and my parents seemed to be good at avoiding the topic for my own brother as well. They acted as if he was a shame to our family. “He’s… okay. Still in prison, but we’re hopeful he’ll be out sooner than expected. He’s trying to stay positive.”

Taehyung’s expression softened. “If there’s anything I can do to help, you’ll let me know, right? My firm handles cases like his all the time.” Taehyung was a successful lawyer here, he even owned his own law firm and I was so happy for him. Ever since he was a child he was determined and a smooth talker, convincing people with ease. He was also smart and selfless which was one of the things I liked about him.

I smiled, touched by his offer. “Thanks, Tae. I’ll keep that in mind.”

As we continued walking, Taehyung talked about his work and how many weird cases he has been working on recently.

“I still can’t believe you run your own firm,” I said, shaking my head. “You make it sound so easy.”

He laughed. “It’s anything but easy, trust me. But I love what I do. And it doesn’t hurt that my parents are proud of me for once.”

“They’ve always been proud of you,” I said, nudging him playfully. “You’re their golden child.”

“Maybe,” he said, his tone teasing. “But I’ve always cared more about what you thought of me.”

I blinked, caught off guard by his words. Before I could respond, Hades barked, pulling at the leash.

I glanced up to see what had caught his attention—and froze.

My boss was leaning against a dark Mercedez Benz and a cigarette dangled between his lips. He looked so casual. And also there was a man who had his back on me but it did not take me long to realize this was Yoongi. I was staring for too long. Jungkook's gaze flickered on me and I saw a glint of surprise which made Yoongi turn around as well. My heart stopped.

For a moment, neither of us moved. It was as if the world had stopped, the air thick with tension.

“Y/N?” Taehyung’s voice broke the spell, and I tore my gaze away from Jungkook, my heart pounding.

“Sorry,” I said quickly, forcing a smile. “What were you saying?”

Taehyung followed my gaze, his brow furrowing as he took in both men's figures. “Is that Jeon Jungkook?” he asked surprised.

I shook my head, the knot in my stomach tightening. “Y-yeah. ” I mumbled and Tae hummed. "So he is your boss?" I nodded. "Does he give you a hard time? I can give him a piece of my mind." I could hear the annoyance on Taehyung's voice as he spoke about Jungkook. I shook my head and my eyes shifted back on Tae. "It's fine.Let's just go."

Taehyung didn’t look convinced, but he let it go, steering the conversation back to lighter topics as we slowly walked away.

But even as we continued walking, laughing and reminiscing, I couldn’t shake the image of Jungkook’s piercing gaze—or the way it had made me feel like he could see right through me.

Monday arrived far too quickly, and as I walked into the office, I could already feel the tension in the air. The weekend spent with Taehyung had been a rare reprieve, a reminder of the warmth of genuine friendship. But as soon as I entered the workspace, the cruel reality of my job hit me like a cold slap.

The whispers started almost immediately.

“Did you see her at the park?” Tina’s voice carried from the nearby break area, intentionally loud enough for me to hear.

“Oh, yeah,” Yoongi drawled, smirking as he leaned against the counter. “Who’d she pay to walk beside her like that?”

A few chuckles rippled through the room, and I kept my eyes fixed on my desk, willing myself to ignore them.

“Maybe he’s her personal trainer,” Tina continued with a sneer. “Though, let’s be honest, she doesn’t seem like the type who actually listens to advice.”

I gripped the edge of my desk, my knuckles turning white as I fought to keep my composure.

Jungkook’s voice joined the fray, sharp and mocking. “He probably felt bad for her. Sympathy date, maybe.”

Laughter erupted around me, the sound cutting deeper than I cared to admit.

“Morning, Y/N!” Tina’s fake tone made my stomach churn as she approached my desk, her heels clicking against the floor. “Had a good weekend? You seemed… busy.”

I forced a smile, keeping my voice even. “It was fine, thanks.”

Her eyes sparkled with faux curiosity. “Oh, come on, you can tell us. Who was that guy? Friend? Cousin? You’re not seriously trying to say he’s your boyfriend, are you?”

The heat rose to my cheeks, but I refused to give her the satisfaction of a reaction. “Just an old friend.”

Tina’s smile widened, her eyes gleaming with malice. “Oh, that makes sense. Because, you know, someone like him... with someone like you? Not exactly believable.”

The laughter started up again, and I clenched my fists under the desk, biting the inside of my cheek to keep from snapping back. I shot her a glare however and she did see it. That errupted a chuckle from her and she walked away with graceful steps, shaking her hips because she knew Jungkook was there. Pathetic bitch.

The hours dragged on, each task feeling heavier under the weight of the relentless mockery. By lunchtime, I felt like I was suffocating, the walls of the office closing in around me. I haven't felt like this since I was in damn high school.

“Y/N, you okay?” Rya’s voice was a lifeline, her genuine concern cutting through the fog of humiliation.

I glanced up to see her and Hoseok standing by my desk, their expressions sympathetic.

“Yeah,” I lied, forcing a smile. “I’m fine.”

“Let’s grab lunch,” Hoseok suggested. “Get out of here for a bit.”

I hesitated, but the idea of escaping the toxic atmosphere, even for a little while, was too tempting to pass up.

As we sat in a small café a few blocks away, I felt the tension slowly begin to ease. The warm, comforting smells of coffee and pastries wrapped around me like a blanket, and for the first time all day, I felt like I could breathe again.

“They’re absolute trash,” Rya said bluntly, stirring her latte. “Tina, Yoongi, Jungkook—all of them.”

Hoseok nodded, his eyes serious. “You’re better than all of them combined, Y/N.”

I shrugged, poking at my sandwich with a fork. “It’s just... exhausting. I try to ignore them, but it’s like they go out of their way to tear me down.”

“They’re jealous,” Rya said firmly. “That’s all it is. You have talent, Y/N. They see that, and it scares them.”

I gave her a doubtful look. “They don’t seem scared to me.”

“Well, screw them,” Hoseok said, his tone unusually sharp. “You’ve got people who believe in you, Y/N.” I wish I could believe his words, but deep down I didn't. I was too absorbed in my inner pain to even think someone was believing in me. I wasn't believing in myself in the first place.

As I stepped through the doors, Yoongi’s voice rang out, loud and mocking.

“Back from lunch with your friends?” he said, smirking as he leaned against his desk arms crossed against his chest.

The others laughed, their eyes gleaming with amusement as they watched me walk past.

I didn’t respond, didn’t even look at him. But inside, I was crumbling, each cruel word chipping away at the walls I’d built to protect myself.

How much longer could I keep this up? How much more could I take before I broke completely?The answer lingered in the back of my mind, terrifying and inevitable.

The rest of the day passed in a haze of barely contained emotions. I kept my head down, focusing on the screen in front of me, even as whispers and snickers floated through the air like poison. Even my team was just as disgusting except Hoseok and Rya. What was wrong with adults acting like children?

By the time 4 PM rolled around, I was hanging on by a thread. But of course, Tina wasn’t about to let me leave without one final jab.

She sauntered over to my desk, her heels clicking against the floor like a countdown to my inevitable implosion. Today she wore a bright blue pencil skirt, a white blouse that had too much buttons popped off. I could see her cleveage clearly. This was definitely not job appropriate but I knew who she was doing this for.

“Hey, Y/N,” she said, her voice dripping with faux sweetness. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about your designs. They’re… fine, I guess. For someone who clearly hasn’t seen the inside of a fashion magazine in, what, years?”

Her laugh was joined by Yoongi’s low chuckle from across the room, and my chest tightened.

“Not everyone can have an eye for detail like I do,” Tina continued, her voice rising so the whole office could hear. “But don’t worry. Maybe if you spent less time stuffing your face with food and more time paying attention to trends, you might actually produce something worth presenting to a client.”

The room fell silent, all eyes on me. My hands trembled, my nails digging into the edge of my desk.

“Enough,” I said quietly, my voice barely above a whisper. I could feel the rage bubbling up from deep inside of me. It was getting hard to control myself at this point. All these weeks of bullying and me being silent had to come to an end.

“What was that?” Tina leaned closer, a smug smile tugging at her lips.

“I said enough!” I stood up so quickly my chair toppled over, the loud clatter startling everyone. Tina's expression changed, I could see her blue eyes grow wide as she took a slight step back and her hands fell down her sides.

Tina blinked, clearly not expecting a reaction from me. “Excuse me?”

“You fucking heard me,” I said, my voice shaking but growing stronger with every word. “I’ve had it with your constant shitty bullying. Every day, you find some new way to tear me down, and for what? To make yourself feel better? To prove you’re better than me?”

She scoffed, crossing her arms. “Oh, please. Don’t be so dramatic.” she tried to look disinterested but I could see the surprise in her eyes from my outburst. Somehow I couldn't keep my mouth shut anymore. The words kept spilling out.

“Dramatic?” I laughed bitterly. “You’ve been treating me like garbage since the day I got here. Mocking my work, my weight, the way I dress, the way I look. And for what? Because you’re insecure? Because you can’t stand the idea of someone else succeeding? Someone else that is plain looking? Or should I say, someone that is different looking?”

The color drained from her face, her lips pressing into a thin line.

“And let’s not even start on the way you constantly throw yourself at the boss, who mind you, is just as shitty as you are.” I added, the words tumbling out before I could stop them. “The way you bat your lashes, lean into him, practically cling to his arm whenever he’s in the room... everyone sees it, Jungkook especially. And guess what, he is not interested. Pathetic, isn't it?” I took a step toward her. She was taller than me wearing those heels, but I didn't gave a fuck. I was full with rage.

Gasps rippled through the office, and Tina’s cheeks turned crimson. From the corner of my eyes I could see Yoongi lean back on his chair and stare at us in pure silence.

“You want to act like you’re above me, Tina? Fine. But don’t think for a second we don’t all see how desperate you are to get his attention—and how he couldn’t care less. And you trying to bring me down by being a shitty Direct Manager does nothing to make the boss notice you.”

Her jaw dropped, her confidence visibly crumbling. “You—”

“What?” I snapped, cutting her off. “You don’t like hearing the truth? He doesn’t want you. He never will. So maybe, instead of tearing other people down to make yourself feel important, you should take a good, long look in the mirror.”

The room was deathly quiet, every pair of eyes glued to the unfolding scene.

“I-I will have you fired for this!" she stuttered, her face red with embarrassment.

I stared at her, my chest heaving, and for the first time, I saw her for what she really was: small, scared, and desperately clinging to the illusion of power.

“Yeah,” I said, my voice steady. “Do it, maybe I will finally get the mental break I deserve.”

Without another word, I grabbed my bag and walked out of the office, the sound of my footsteps echoing in the silence.

I didn’t make it far before the tears started falling. I ducked into the stairwell, sinking onto the cold concrete steps as the weight of the confrontation hit me. My shoulders shook with sobs, the release of weeks—months—of pent-up frustration and pain. Fucking hell, was I going to get fired for this? Fuck fuck fuck.

The door creaked open, and I looked up to see Rya standing there, her expression a mix of concern and pride.

“That was epic,” she said, sitting down beside me.

I laughed weakly, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand. “It didn’t feel epic. It felt terrifying.”

“Well, it needed to be said,” she said firmly. “And you said it. You stood up for yourself, Y/N. That takes a lot of guts.”

I nodded, my tears slowing as her words sank in. For the first time in what felt like forever, I felt a spark of something I hadn’t felt in a long time: pride.

“Thanks, Rya,” I said softly.

She smiled, giving my shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “Anytime. And just so you know, you’re not alone in this. We’ve got your back. And don't worry about getting fired, Jungkook can't afford to look for another candidate right now besides, deep down he knows you are brilliant at what you do and that you are a hard worker.”

Her words were like a balm to my wounded spirit, and as I sat there with her, I realized that maybe, just maybe, I was stronger than I thought.

The office was buzzing with murmurs in the aftermath of my confrontation with Tina, but I tried to focus on my work. My chest was still tight, my emotions raw, but I felt an odd sense of relief. Standing up for myself had been terrifying, yet it also felt strangely empowering.

I barely had time to process the relief before a sharp voice interrupted my thoughts.

“Y/N,” Jungkook called from the doorway of his office, his tone clipped. “My office. Now.”

Every pair of eyes in the room shot to me, their gazes heavy with curiosity and judgment. My stomach sank, but I refused to let the anxiety show. With my head held high, I pushed back from my desk and walked toward him, determined not to let him intimidate me anymore.

The door clicked shut behind me, and the room suddenly felt much smaller. Jungkook stood by his desk, his sleeves rolled up to reveal his tattooed forearms, his dark eyes fixed on me with an intensity that made my breath hitch. I saw him wearing a dark suit. However, his jacket was gone and he had his shirt on, black slacks and his tattoos complimented him perfectly. If he wasn't such an ass, I'd have been secretly attracted to him.

“What’s this I hear about you causing a scene?” he asked, his voice low and dangerous. He was definitely annoyed with me.

I crossed my arms, meeting his gaze head-on. “You mean standing up for myself? Sorry if that doesn’t fit your idea of acceptable behavior.”

His jaw tightened, and he took a step closer, the space between us shrinking. “This isn’t about acceptable behavior. It’s about keeping your head down and doing your job without making a spectacle of yourself.”

A laugh escaped me, bitter and unrestrained. “Oh, you mean like the way you and your little entourage make a spectacle out of humiliating me every chance you get?”

His eyes darkened, and for a moment, the tension in the room shifted, charged with something electric and unspoken.

“Careful, Y/N,” he said, his voice dropping an octave. “You’re treading on thin ice.”

I took a step closer, closing the distance between us until I could feel the heat radiating from his body. And his cologne intoxicated me. “And you know what? I don’t care anymore. I’ve had enough of your condescending remarks, your bullying, and your constant need to remind me that I don’t fit into your little world.”

His gaze flicked to my lips, just for a second, but it was enough to make my heart race.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said, his voice rough."I have done no such thing. It was to push you so you can get better."

“Are you kidding me?!” I shot back, my voice trembling with anger. “I see the way you look at me, Jungkook. The way you go out of your way to make my life miserable. What is it? Does it make you feel powerful? Or are you just trying to cover up whatever it is you’re really feeling?”

His hand flexed at his side, and for a moment, I thought he might reach for me. But instead, he took a step back, his expression unreadable.

“You’re crossing a line,” he said, his voice tight.

“No,” I said firmly. “I’m finally drawing one.”

The room was silent except for the sound of my own breathing, ragged and uneven. I could feel the weight of his gaze, heavy and unrelenting, but I refused to back down.

“Is that all, Mr. Jeon?” I asked, my voice cold and formal.

His jaw clenched, but he nodded. “Get out.”

I turned on my heel and walked out of the office, my heart pounding in my chest. As the door closed behind me, I couldn’t help but feel a mix of triumph and dread.

Whatever was brewing between Jungkook and me, it was far from over. And something told me it was only going to get more complicated.

I left Jungkook’s office with my heart pounding and my hands trembling. I didn’t know if I felt victorious or terrified, but I couldn’t afford to overanalyze it right now. I just needed to keep my head down and survive the rest of the day.

On my way back to my desk after my lunch break, I ducked into the break room to grab a glass of water. I needed at least a second to breathe before I faced the curious stares of my coworkers.

That’s when I heard voices drifting in from the slightly ajar door from one of the closest meeting rooms.

“Man, she really snapped at Tina...” Yoongi’s familiar voice was laced with amusement.

I froze.

“She didn’t just snap,” Yoongi continued with a low chuckle. “She obliterated her. And the best part? She called out Tina’s ridiculous crush on you. In front of everyone. Priceless.”

“Shut up, Yoongi,” Jungkook snapped, his tone sharp.

“Why? It’s true.” Yoongi’s voice grew more teasing. “I’ve never seen Tina look so humiliated. It was a masterpiece, honestly. Someone had to put her in her place eventually.”

“She was out of line,” Jungkook growled.

I inched closer to the door, my heart racing. Were they talking about me?

“Out of line?” Yoongi scoffed. “You’re kidding, right? Tina’s been terrorizing her for weeks. Y/N finally decided she wasn’t going to take it anymore. Honestly, I respect her for it.”

“It’s not her job to cause scenes in the office, besides, you have terrorizing her as well.” Jungkook shot back, his tone cold.

Yoongi laughed, the sound dry and mocking. “Oh, please. Don’t act like you’re mad about the professionalism or whatever excuse you’re clinging to. You’re mad because she stood up to you too. Admit it, Jeon—she caught you off guard. And you hate not being in control. And you also terrorized her. Is that apropriate for a CEO to do?”

There was a brief silence, and then Jungkook’s voice dropped, low and dangerous. “Careful, Yoongi.”

“Why?” Yoongi said, unfazed. “Let’s be real, Jungkook. You’ve been riding her harder than anyone else in this office. And for what? Because she’s not your type? Because she’s not like the other girls who throw themselves at you? Or because she is fat?” Fat. This word made my hands shake. I hated it so much. It was a reminder.

“That’s enough,” Jungkook growled, the edge in his voice enough to make me hold my breath.

“Or maybe,” Yoongi continued, clearly enjoying pushing Jungkook’s buttons, “it’s because she doesn’t give a damn about you? She doesn’t hang on your every word or bat her lashes at you like Tina. She’s not afraid to tell you off, and it’s driving you crazy. She is not attractive at all and you cannot comprehend how come someone who is not pretty not into you?”

“I said that’s enough!” Jungkook’s voice echoed through the room, loud and commanding.

The sudden outburst made me flinch, and I stepped back, my foot scuffing against the floor.

The noise was subtle, but in the silence that followed Jungkook’s shout, it was loud enough to draw attention.

“What was that?” Jungkook’s voice was sharp.

I turned and bolted before either of them could investigate, my heart racing as I slipped back into the main office.

My mind was spinning, replaying the conversation I’d just overheard. Yoongi’s words lingered in my mind, poking at emotions I wasn’t ready to confront.

Jungkook wasn’t mad about professionalism. He wasn’t mad about Tina. He was mad about me.

And that terrified me more than anything else.

A few hours after overhearing the heated conversation between Jungkook and Yoongi, my head was a whirlwind of emotions. I couldn't focus on my work at all. I needed air—fresh, cool air that wasn’t tainted by the stifling tension of the office.

The rooftop seemed like the perfect escape. I’d been there once before during lunch, and it was usually deserted.

Pushing open the heavy door, I stepped out into the open, letting the crisp breeze wash over me. The city stretched out in every direction, its sounds muted by the height.

But my solitude was short-lived.

A familiar figure leaned against the railing, a cigarette between his fingers. Yoongi.

He glanced at me over his shoulder, one brow quirking in surprise. “Didn’t think you’d be the rooftop type.”

I crossed my arms, irritation bubbling to the surface. “And I didn’t think you’d be the smoking type. Guess we’re both full of surprises.”

He smirked, taking a long drag of his cigarette before exhaling a plume of smoke into the air. “Touché. So, what brings you up here? Trying to escape the circus downstairs?”

I took a few steps closer, my frustration from earlier finding a new target. “If by circus you mean you and Jungkook, then yeah. Congratulations, you two are the ringleaders.”

Yoongi let out a low chuckle, the sound grating against my nerves. “Ah, so you heard us.”

“Hard not to when you’re practically shouting,” I snapped. “Though I’m sure you both figured no one would dare eavesdrop on the great CEO and his sidekick.”

He turned to face me fully, leaning back against the railing. His sharp features were illuminated by the city lights, giving him an almost ethereal, dangerous look. “Careful, Y/N. You’re sounding pretty bold for someone who usually keeps her head down.”

I took another step closer, my anger pushing me forward. “Bold? You think this is bold? No, Yoongi. Bold is bullying someone for no good reason. Bold is turning the office into a soap opera just because you can’t act like an adult.”

His smirk faltered, replaced by a flash of something darker. He took a step toward me, closing the distance between us.

“You don’t know me,” he said, his voice low and cutting.

“And I don’t care to,” I shot back, though my voice wavered slightly.

We were close now, too close. The air between us was charged, a volatile mix of anger and something unspoken. His gaze locked onto mine, unyielding and intense, and I refused to back down.

“Let me guess,” I continued, my voice shaking with both rage and nerves. “You’re just another overgrown man-child who thinks the world owes him something. Smoking on the rooftop, making snarky comments—what’s next? Brooding poetry about how misunderstood you are?”

He tilted his head, his smirk returning, though it carried a dangerous edge. “You’ve got a mouth on you, Y/N. Didn’t think you had it in you to snap twice in one day.”

“Yeah, well, you and your buddy Jungkook seem to bring out the worst in me,” I bit out.

Yoongi stepped closer, his presence overwhelming. “You’ve got guts, I’ll give you that. But don’t think for a second that you can figure me out with your little insults. You should look at yourself in the mirror.”

“Figure you out?” I laughed bitterly. “I don’t want to figure you out, Yoongi. Trust me, I know who I am, I look at myself in the mirror everyday. What about you? Do you know who you are?" there was a pause." Leave me the hell alone.”

He leaned in slightly, his voice dropping to a near whisper. “Then why are you still standing here?”

I froze, my heart hammering in my chest. His words hung in the air, heavy and taunting. I hated the way he got under my skin, the way his presence seemed to pull at something deep and unwanted inside me.

“Because someone needs to tell you off as well,” I said finally, though my voice lacked the conviction it had moments ago.

He chuckled, a low, throaty sound that sent a shiver down my spine. “You’re cute when you’re mad, Y/N. But if you think you can scare me off, you’re in for a rude awakening.”

I glared at him, refusing to let him see how his words affected me. “Enjoy your rooftop melodrama.”

I turned on my heel, marching back toward the door. But as I reached for the handle, his voice stopped me.

“Y/N.”

I glanced back, my hand hovering over the door.

“You’re stronger than you think,” he said, his tone softer, almost contemplative.

I didn’t know how to respond, so I said nothing. Instead, I pushed open the door and walked back into the stairwell, his words following me like a shadow.

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aedearly · 3 months ago

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hii! i absolutely love your work. i've been getting into trying to make borders myself, and i was wondering if you had any tips on where to find good pngs or do you create everything yourself? i feel like my luck so far hasn't been great but maybe i just don't know how to search for it correctly!

Hello, nonnie! I'm so glad you enjoy my work; thank you for your kind words. ( ˶ˆᗜˆ˵ ) And oh my gosh, it's so nice to see a new GFX creator in the making! One of us, one of us, one us. ~ Welcome to the wonderful world of editing, hehe!

I've compiled a list of websites that I use for my graphics, but please do let me know if you need anything else and I'll be happy to assist!

For general assets, as well as inspiration, I generally use these websites: behance (which is pretty much the industry standard when it comes to graphic design in general, they have cool studios or experienced designers that post their works and/or assets), booth (an independent japanese resources hub with many free and paid assets), huanban (an independent chinese resources hub, same proposal as booth), abdz (mostly focused on typography and branding), dribble (more focused on web applications and design) and envato (templates).

Since I'm colourblind, I'm not always confident about how to compose colours together. So whenever I'm in doubt, I use coolors (to get palettes from images and browse through palette ideas) and colorhunt (which gives ideas for palette themes and motifs).

I love typography a whole bunch, but sometimes it's hard to find that one right font for your project. Whenever I need to look for something else, I always run to these websites: google fonts (when I'm on a budget and want to use 100% free fonts, including for commercial use), 1001fonts (to quickly find fonts based on themes, it has a great tag system), dafont (a big classic huge dabatase of custom fonts), befonts (for more industry standard-leaning fonts) and kerismaker (for those magazine looks). When I want to identify a font used on an image and where I can download/purchase it, I use myfonts and font squirrel. They even give you similar options for free, too!

Suppose I'm specifically searching for illustrations/PNGs I can use on my upcoming project. In that case, I'll either go to flat icons (for websites, applications or presentations), vertex (for 3d icons and/or general vectors), graphic burger (for logo making), cleanpng (for I want a tree PNG and do not want to clean it myself, for example), pngtree (same idea as the previous one, you just search for a word and will see all PNGs related to it) and pngall (self explanatory).

Regarding backgrounds, textures, and photography in general, I rely on websites like pixabay, vecteezy, 3d ocean, morguefile, freepik and isorepublic. They have high-quality photos and videos that you can use on your projects. However, if I specifically need mockups or patterns, I turn to unblast, pacage and ava.

Besides those, you can always search for things on Deviantart and Twitter! Though I do not use those much, I think Instagram and Threads also have pages dedicated to sharing resources. Discord can be a nice place to search for graphic design servers, too.

However, if I cannot find specific resources for a commission/project for whatever reason, then I will make them myself. Be it through photography, drawing or anything else I can get my little hands on.

For the more technical/applications side, the programs I use for my graphics and edits are Adobe PhotoShop 2020, Adobe After Effects 2020, Adobe Illustrator 2020, Clip Studio Paint (for when I need to draw or polish something for specific projects/commissions), and HandBrake (for when I need to make screencaps). My drawing tablet is an oldie, Wacom One.

Hopefully, this can be a nice starting point for you! Please feel free to reblog and/or like this post if you'd like to save it for whatever purpose. ~ I hope you enjoy this journey ahead, and if you need anything else, let me know! You got this! ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧

#♡: answered! *#graphic resources #gfx resources #roleplay resources #rph #rp resources #editing resources #carrd resources #editing

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puppetmaster13u · 10 months ago

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Have some Sebastian Design

I enjoy character design far too much. And genuinely Sebastian's is so fun to think about. It's not perfectly symmetrical, and so much is covered up that it means you can take logical liberties. Especially with how he's gene spliced! And four arms, always fun to think about the actual anatomy of that.

Words & Implications:

Fourth arm didn't form fully past the shoulder

Extra fins on the sides & back are usually hidden by clothing

Smaller fins on the snake-tail are usually flat outside of the water

Four shoulderblades & pectoral muscles due to the four limbs (Yes this means the bones are a mess)

There are gills on both the neck & sides

All of his teeth are sharp, making him mainly carnivorous, & are layered like a shark's

Tongue is forked & long like a snake's; can be used to both taste & smell

Yes those are whiskers on his face, they sprout around the cheekbone area

The lower limb(s) are more webbed & less human looking (& yes he has sensory pads)

Claws can partially retract on the higher pair of hands but not fully

The anatomical right side of his face has no eyebrow thanks to the second eye

He keeps his hair slightly longer on that side

His skin is covered in a mixture of the sandpaper-esque scales that sharks have, and thicker rounder ones of a snakes- The shark scales are more around the face & hands, giving a skin-like appearance

Not Pictured but I might use:

Man has mantis shrimp DNA, might give him tiny skittering legs on his underside similar to shrimp If so, they can fold up beneath him to slither/slide if needed

Might add more esca, if so they'd be smaller and thinner than the main head lure, most likely hidden by the many bags on his tail

May add a few more fins on his back, though on the snake-tail. Most likely some sort of dorsal fin thanks to both the great white shark & blue whale DNA- though might do a longer fish-fin based off the silver spinyfin DNA

Also not pictured due to not being colored: He definitely has countershading- lighter underside & darker backside. That is part of practically every sea creature he's part of save for mantis-shrimp & whatever the redacted thing is, which we have no clue

Might give him mantis shrimp or krait-like patterns with his coloration, we'll see (He's mostly covered by clothes & bags anyway)

#my art #down in the deep au #pressure crossover #danny phantom crossover #roblox pressure #pressure roblox #sebastian pressure #pressure sebastian #sebastian solace #sketch #no joke I absolutely love Sebastian's character design & lore

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olenvasynyt · 5 months ago

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I know my fellow artists and creators have been frustrated with the rise of AI on Pinterest and Google. Many of us find it difficult to serch for good references, tips, and general inspiration for art. So I want to share my collection of good, free websites for artists, designers, film makers, and creators so we can create without ugly AI images staring in our faces 🙌

Sketchfab

An incredible source for references. Has a huge collection of 3D animals, architecture, interior rooms, vehicles, food, objects, furniture, nature, memes, characters, etc etc etc. You can literally find several insanely detailed 3D models of the Notre Dame (this one is insane) Models can rotated at any angle as well as zoomed in and out. You can also change the view of the model to be matcap with flat, colorless planes, wireframe, or base color as opposed to fully rendered.

Cons: there are many uploads that are random and incredibly specific, which overwhelms the search. Can be excellent for game designers who want to download models but for artists looking for drawing references, you might have to dig a bit for what you want. Can be so fun for playing around and using crazy fun references for practicing.

Designspiration

As a photographer and graphic designer and someone who can doomscroll on pinterest forever, this is my favorite for finding inspiration for everything: typography, logos, product mockups, illustration, photography, web design, etc. Has an amazing feature where you can search for art with specific hex codes! Probably the coolest feature I’ve seen in search engines, and by far superior to google's color search. This site is mostly for design inspiration, but I feel like if you are super into moodboards, then this is the site for you too especially with the beautiful selection of photography.

Cons: I have no cons, I love this website so much and I used to be addicted to pinterest (still am actually😬) but this is easily my new favorite

Public Works by Cosmos

Thousands of artworks enter the public domain every year, and this website is a search engine for other 100,000 of those copyright free works. All of these works are free to edit, use, and sell with few restrictions.

Cons: I personally find the layout for the search feed a bit frustrating to look around in sometimes, because it’s not the typical "scroll up and down" website. But is very dynamic and overall fun to explore.

Same.energy

This is a good visual search engine that’s a good replacement for Google images and Pinterest. The minimal words makes it simple and easy, and clicking on an image you like to filter the feed to find similar images.

Cons: this is in beta so it still have some kinks to work out. It seems to struggle with specific searches and some of the images brought up in the search can be repetitive or not relevant.

Reference Angle

A website for finding face references in any specific angle and any expression for any gender and age.

Cons: I would love this website more if it gave you the ability to customize the light source, but sadly is not an option. I also feel like there is not a lot of racial diversity in the photos, and some of the images do not match the specific angle. But it is overall a great source for face references

Virtual Lighting Studio by zvork

A good source for light studies. You can change the source, direction, color, and brightness as well stacking several light sources on top of each other.

Cons: there isn’t a way to angle the face or change the expression, so it is permanently in portrait mode. There are four different models and I’m not the biggest fan of some of them…I like the black guy the best because he looks at me kindly instead staring into my soul like the two white guys. The ads are also a bit obnoxious and for the love of god DO NOT USE IN MOBILE!!! The ads are impossible to get rid of.

Film Grab

An archive of stills from a huge list of movies. Good for film makers, photographers, art studies, moodboards, inspiration, etc. Has a huge selection of movies and you can search by movie, director, costume designer, aspect ratio, year, genre, and country. You can also hit random post and it'll give you a random movie, which I think is really fun.

Cons: I do not recommend mobile. The mobile does not have the option to search for a specific movie, so you're forced to scroll through the giant A-Z list of directors or films to find the specific film you were looking for. Another con that I just discovered: a big-ass ad on the top of the website that occasionally advertises AI websites 🤢 (not shown on the screenshots I shared because ew)

Unsplash

Another image search website that has the feeling of Pinterest

Cons: some images are locked for premium only, and the feed is a bit frustrating to scroll through on mobile since they show the images one at a time instead of as a nice collage like pinterest. Some images can also be irrelevant to the search.

Sending lots of love to my fellow artists and creative peeps out there. AI sucks and it feels like it's overwhelming the creative space. But I promise there is a way to avoid it! Keep creating 💕

#fuck AI #artists on tumblr #graphic design #photography #digital artist #small artist #art inspiration #art inspo #digital art #moodboard

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adelllseo · 6 months ago

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UX/UI

Exploring the Intersection of UX/UI Design and Mobile App DevelopmentIn today's digital landscape, mobile app development is at the forefront of innovation, with user experience (UX) and user interface (UI) design playing a critical role in shaping successful applications. This article explores how UX/UI design and mobile app development intersect to create seamless, functional, and visually appealing apps that meet user needs and business goals.---The Importance of UX/UI Design in Mobile App DevelopmentUX/UI design serves as the foundation of mobile app development, ensuring that users interact with apps effortlessly while enjoying a visually engaging interface.User Experience (UX): Focuses on the overall feel of the app, emphasizing usability, accessibility, and efficiency. It ensures users can achieve their goals without frustration.User Interface (UI): Deals with the aesthetic aspects, including typography, color schemes, and layout, creating an intuitive and visually appealing interface.When combined, UX and UI design drive user satisfaction, loyalty, and engagement, making them indispensable to the development process.---Key Elements at the Intersection1. User-Centered Design:Both UX/UI design and app development prioritize understanding user needs and preferences through research, personas, and journey mapping.2. Prototyping and Testing:UX/UI designers create wireframes and prototypes to visualize app functionality, while developers refine and test these designs to ensure technical feasibility.3. Iterative Development:Continuous feedback loops between designers and developers enable ongoing improvements, aligning design concepts with real-world user behavior.4. Performance Optimization:Developers ensure the app performs efficiently, while UX/UI designers minimize cognitive load through intuitive navigation and layout design.5. Cross-Platform Consistency:UX/UI designers maintain consistency across iOS and Android platforms, while developers ensure compatibility without compromising functionality or aesthetics.---Emerging Trends in UX/UI and Mobile App Development1. Dark Mode Design:Enhances visual appeal and reduces eye strain, requiring developers to adjust codebases to accommodate different themes seamlessly.2. Voice and Gesture-Based Interfaces:UX/UI designers integrate voice commands and gestures, while developers work on advanced algorithms for accurate recognition.3. Personalization:Data-driven designs allow apps to adapt to individual preferences, with developers building robust back-end systems to support personalization.4. Micro-Interactions:Subtle animations and feedback loops designed by UX/UI experts are implemented by developers to boost user engagement.5. Accessibility:Designing for inclusivity involves creating apps accessible to people with disabilities, combining thoughtful design with technical adaptability.---Collaboration Between UX/UI Designers and DevelopersEffective collaboration between UX/UI designers and developers is essential to create apps that are both functional and delightful.Clear Communication: Regular meetings and design reviews foster understanding of design and technical constraints.Shared Tools: Platforms like Figma, Adobe XD, and Sketch bridge the gap, enabling designers to hand off assets directly to developers.Agile Methodology: Iterative workflows keep both teams aligned on project goals and timelines.---ConclusionThe intersection of UX/UI design and mobile app development is where innovation meets functionality. By prioritizing user needs, maintaining effective collaboration, and staying ahead of trends, designers and developers create mobile applications that not only meet but exceed user expectations. In an ever-evolving digital landscape, this synergy is the key to delivering apps that resonate with users and drive business success.Would you like assistance with visuals or infographics to accompany this article?

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highnesssss142 · 6 months ago

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UX/UI

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whatsnewalycat · 1 year ago

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Designated Person | 10

Pairing: Francisco “Catfish” Morales x F!Reader

Chapter 10: Flat Tire

Rating: Explicit (18+ only)

Word Count: 6.9k+ (nice)

Tags / Warnings: reader pov, infidelity, past romantic & sexual relationship, angst, food & eating, blackout, movie references, car problems, alcohol & alcoholism, 12-step programs, lying, conflict avoidance, crying crying crying sorry, internal conflict, monologue, toxic relationships but listen we're tryna get better, journal entries, nightmares, ptsd, flashback

Notes: WHAT UP PARTY PEOPLE?? MAKE SOME NOIIIISE (insert dallas buyers club matthew mcconaughey scream crying in his car). Sorry for being a bummer lol sometimes growth hurts but we're gonna get thru this I swear. Ok thank u let me know what you think!!!

[ Previous Chapter ][ Series Masterlist ][ My Masterlist ]

-----

Blackouts work like magic.

One second you’re perched on a barstool, trying not to sway or slur your words while ordering another drink, and the next you’re jolted awake by the thud of a door closing.

Heart pounding in your chest, you sit up and look around, breathing a sigh of relief to see you somehow made it to your bedroom last night.

You grab your phone off the side table, swiping away the missed calls from Frankie and Leah, then discover that you apparently re-downloaded a dating app in your alcohol-induced fugue state. Judging by the number of reply messages in your inbox, you must have hit up every man in the tri-county area who was “looking for a good time.”

Perfect. Of course you did. Why wouldn’t you? Bad decisions and dick has never ever steered you wrong.

You read one typo-filled exchange between yourself and Russ K, 34, before deactivating the account and uninstalling the app.

When you set your phone back on the nightstand, you notice a mason jar filled with ice water and frown. Beside it sits a small plastic container holding four neon orange tablets and two white tablets. A sticky note on the table reads ‘Went to a meeting, be back this afternoon’ in Frankie’s handwriting.

Alarm trickles through your veins and inspires a wave of nausea you can’t ignore. Clasping your hand over your mouth to hold down the rising bile, you jump out of bed and beeline to the bathroom.

After emptying the sparse contents of your stomach into the toilet, you lean back against the cool tile wall and search the ceiling for answers. How did you get home last night? Did you say anything to Frankie?

You think about the ice water and over-the-counter pills left on your nightstand, then think about the note Frankie left. However you got home, he must know you were hammered. Which means you definitely interacted with him while blacked out. Do you even want to know what you said to him?

Mortification twists your stomach when you imagine the possibilities. You could have tried to fuck him or murder him or anything in between. Given how you feel about him right now, it’s impossible to predict. That fact alone makes your mouth start to sweat again.

So… no, you don’t want to know what you said to him when you were drunk. You don’t want to know how you got home or why the fuck your hair is damp. All you want is to get through this fucking day without hurling again. Maybe greasy food and a NASCAR nap, too.

With this new clear goal in mind, you pick yourself up off the bathroom floor and set about making your low-stakes dream a reality.

—

You wake on the couch to the soothing lull of commentators giving a play-by-play of the Rays versus Yankees game. A thick web of fatigue clings to you, fighting against your efforts to open your eyes and sit upright.

“Hey.”

Instinctively, you look towards the noise at the other end of the couch, locking eyes with Frankie. His face droops with this wounded expression that gets under your skin. Diverting your gaze to the TV, you cross your arms and try to keep your demeanor aloof despite the deep ache in your chest.

“How are you feeling?”

You choke out a humorless laugh and shake your head, keeping your eyes trained on the screen. A few tense seconds go by before he accepts that you will not be answering his ludicrous question, so he takes an alternative approach.

“I brought home cubanos from that place you like. For, um… for family dinner. If you still wanted to do that.”

Home, he says, as if the word meant something to him. As if he didn’t match every brick you laid in the foundation of this relationship with paper mache blocks. As if he didn’t take a wrecking ball to whole fucking thing regardless.

Maybe to him home is just a place he rests his head at night, not where he anchors his heart. A matter of physical location rather than a feeling. You, on the other hand… never felt quite at home in this house until he started living here.

Are you crazy for having felt like that? Like home was a space you held with him and him alone?

Your parents were right. You make too much of things. You’re overdramatic.

Why would he love you? Why would he choose you over his wife? You knew what you were getting into when this started.

Stupid girl.

“I understand if you don’t want to, though.”

His voice brings you back to yourself. You blink hot tears from your eyes, then wipe them from your cheeks, trying to hold yourself together despite the whisper of ‘stupid girl stupid girl stupid girl’ at the back of your head.

“Can we… can we at least talk about it?”

You wince as a fresh batch of tears surges up your throat. Rising to your feet, you shake your head and manage to choke out, “Just forget it,” before fleeing to your bedroom.

—

I slept most of the day yesterday so it took me forever to fall asleep. Also Frankie was walking around the house all night. At 11ish, I heard him talking on the phone, then I think someone picked him up. I texted him to see where he went because I’m unfortunately still his designated person. He said he was with someone from AA and he’d be back soon, just needed to talk. I couldn’t fall asleep until I heard him come in at 1. He wasn’t stumbling around so I’m guessing he was sober??? Hopefully he was. I don’t want this to get in the way of his recovery. Which I sort of hate. I wish I could delete the feelings I have for him. I wish I didn’t care. But I guess I do, so… I don’t know. This fucking sucks. Leah said I should kick him out, but I don’t want to fuck up his program. Maybe I’ll talk to Ralph today and see what he thinks. The thing is… the more people I talk to, the more I just want to talk to Frankie. Nobody makes me feel like he does. More than the lies, this is what bothers me the most. The fact that I can feel this way and he just doesn’t. I don’t understand how he can’t feel it, too. I thought this was real. But I guess I always do. I guess he’s just a really good liar and I am just a stupid girl.

Tossing the notebook aside, you sit up to grab your mug off the side table. Wisps of steam rise from the coffee and dissolve into the air. The image blurs as a thick, wretched sensation twists up your throat.

God fucking damnit.

Every time you think you have no more tears left to cry, you prove yourself wrong. They just keep coming. Yesterday you waded in and out of these sudden fits where crying was all you could do. It reminds you of all the other times he broke your heart, but especially the last time.

After Angie caught the two of you fucking, part of you hoped that maybe she would leave him. From what you understand, though, he convinced her to stay. Called you a mistake. An ‘isolated incident’ or whatever. Fucking asshole.

Anyway.

Seeing each other became logistically and emotionally difficult. Participating in an affair is much easier when it’s still a secret, for obvious reasons. He tried to see you when he could, which wasn’t nearly as frequent as you wanted. When you did see him, he was drunk. You’d pick him up from the bar, or he’d come over after Angie went to bed, but he was always at least five drinks in and counting.

You bailed him out of jail twice in those six months. Once for drinking and driving, once for getting in a fight over a fucking pool game, of all things.

He seemed so walled-off from you, too. Like he detached from his emotions when he saw you. Maybe it was because of the liquor, but a million other reasons are just as likely. After sex, he would leave. The sex was… well, it was still good, but… different. Rougher, impersonal. It felt less like making love and more like fucking.

You still loved him, though. You still had fantasies of having a real, normal relationship with him. Despite all the evidence to the contrary, you still wanted to believe that he was meant to be with you.

Stupid girl stupid girl stupid girl

And then, well…

Your phone starts to ring. It’s Ralph.

You take a few quick sips of your coffee, then set the mug aside to answer.

“Hello?”

“Hey, kiddo. Do you have a minute?”

His tone, less jovial than normal, gives you a small burst of anxious energy.

“Sure, what’s up?”

“I just got off the phone Mr. Morales and he briefed me on the, ahhh… situation over there.”

Unsure what to say, you fold an arm over your belly and stare down at your lap.

“I understand that things are a bit tense due to an incident that occurred on Saturday, is that correct?”

“Yeah,” you nod, voice wavering, “Yeah, I, um… I overheard him talking to Angie, and… well, basically I found out he’s been lying to me.”

It sounds so pathetic when you say it out loud.

“Uh-huh. He lied about the nature of his relationship with Mrs. Morales.”

“Correct.”

You prepare for Ralph to tell you it’s not a big deal. Brace yourself for the inevitable scoff, or for him to accuse you of overreacting.

So he lied to you, so what? You knew who he was. You knew he had a family to keep together. You should have known better than to get involved with him. Stupid girl, why would you put yourself in that position in the first place?

“And this isn’t the first time he lied to you about this particular matter, am I understanding correctly?”

“Well…” you frown and shake your head, “No, not really. When we were together before, he was pretty explicit that he wouldn’t leave her. I just… I just thought… I don’t know. It’s dumb. I’m fucking dumb.”

Ralph doesn’t respond right away, so you add, “Sorry. I’m still in my feelings.”

“Don’t sweat it, I think I’m picking up what you’re putting down,” he pauses here to clear his throat, then recounts, “Before, he told you leaving her wasn’t a possibility. And despite my warning going into this, the two of you re-established your romantic relationship, he told you that kind of relationship was effectively over with his wife. Which wasn’t true.”

“Correct.”

“Ok. Got it. Has Mr. Morales exhibited any unusual or suspicious behavior since the incident on Saturday?”

After thinking about it, you tell him, “I wouldn’t call this suspicious exactly, but yesterday he left a note saying he was going to an AA meeting, which isn’t normal. And late last night someone picked him up. I texted him to check in and he said he was with someone from AA, talking.”

“Do you believe he was being truthful?”

“Yeah, I do,” you shrug, “I mean, I’m obviously not the best at detecting his bullshit, but I’ve seen him under the influence more times than I can count and he didn’t seem… like that.”

“Well, that’s good. And it’s good you checked in with him, I take that as a positive. You are still responsible for him while he’s on parole.” He sighs, “Which brings me to my next question. Are you thinking you want to continue serving as his designated person, or should we start looking for alternatives?”

A lump rises in your throat. You swallow it down, wincing at the tears that burn behind your eyes, “I, um… I’m not sure yet. Can I have a few days to think it over?”

“Sure. How about this. Why don’t you take some time, maybe go to one of those Al-Anon meetings I told you about, and I can stop by Saturday to have a sit down with you and Mr. Morales. Does that sound agreeable?”

“Ok,” you nod, “Yeah, that sounds good. We can do that.”

“Alrighty then. I’ll shoot you an email with some details sometime today and we’ll go from there.”

“Thanks, Ralph.”

“Call me if anything comes up, ok kiddo?”

“Will do.”

After hanging up, you put in a load of laundry and wander around the house, stopping by the fridge to stare at the cubano Frankie brought home for you yesterday. You roll your eyes with annoyance as you grab it, then you return to the couch and put on Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

—

By the time Frankie comes home, you’re four feature films deep in your angsty post-breakup movie marathon and feeling indignant enough not to surrender the common space to him.

His eyebrows do this little surprised jump when your eyes meet his, and he glances at the TV, “Reality Bites?”

You don’t respond, just curl deeper into the couch and return your attention to Ethan Hawke’s spiteful cover of Add It Up.

He kicks off his work boots and walks into the kitchen, coming back a minute later to ask, “If I make something for dinner, will you eat it?”

Your stomach rumbles at the thought of food. Without looking at him, you shrug.

Accepting the non-verbal answer, Frankie returns to the kitchen and starts bumbling around, cussing and grumbling under his breath. Eventually, though, he seems to get the hang of it.

Just as the end credits of Reality Bites start rolling, he enters the living room holding two plates and sets one on the coffee table for you, then takes a seat at the opposite end of the couch.

You sit up, crossing your legs as you pull the offering into your lap, and toss the remote control to his side of the dividing cushion. He wordlessly searches for something else to watch while you study the avocado-filled hot dog buns.

“What is this?” you ask.

“Completo. Hot dog topped with good shit, basically. Avocado, tomato, onion, condiments.” He selects play on Moulin Rouge, then looks at you and shrugs, “Ma would make it for me when I had a bad day.”

You stare at him for a moment, then roll your eyes and shake your head as you turn to the TV, “I see what you’re doing.”

“What’s that?”

“Kissing my ass.”

He chuckles, shifting a little, “Yeah, well… yeah.”

The movie starts to play. You don’t mention that this will be the second time you’ve seen it today because he probably knows that. After taking a bite of the completo, you hum at the mix of flavors and textures as you chew.

“Good, right?” Frankie says through a mouthful.

“Mmm,” you nod in agreement.

He swallows, glancing between you and his food before asking, “Can I ask why you haven’t kicked me out yet?”

When you contemplate how to answer, the reasons all snarl into a tight knot of which you can’t quite make heads or tails.

“No.”

“Fair enough,” he murmurs, letting his gaze linger on you, “Do you want me to give you some privacy, or…? Because I can go—”

“It doesn’t matter, Francisco, just stop talking.”

“Ok, but—”

You hold your hand up to him, “Shhhhhh.”

He sighs, but accepts the silence. Tension resides in the air at first, but slowly dissipates as you clear your plates, then settle into the couch. And although your eyes stay trained on the screen, you can’t make yourself pay attention.

You keep wondering why he lied about being with Angie. He’s never had a problem making that clear in the past, even if it meant breaking your heart. Is it because he lives with you? It’s possible he didn’t want to risk getting kicked out, so he kept it a secret.

Then why get involved with you again? Did he think this was the best way to stay in your good graces? Has he been manipulating you this whole time?

It’s possible. It’s also possible you’re another one of his bad habits he can’t kick. A coping mechanism. Disposable, like always.

You remember the night you asked him to come over so you could talk to him about something important. He promised to be there at eight o’clock, which is when you planted yourself on the front porch swing to wait for him. At nine o’clock, his truck came rumbling down the street and parked in front of the house.

“What’re you doing out here?” he smirked as he climbed the porch steps.

“Waiting for you,” you glared at him, observing his fluid movements when he plopped down beside you.

“I went and got a drink, lost track of time.”

He wrapped an arm around your shoulders and drew your stiff body closer to kiss your cheek.

Something hot flared in your chest, and you distinctly remember wishing he would show up sober for once. This wasn’t the scab you wanted to pick, though.

He tilted your chin up, pressing his lips to yours, breath heavy with whiskey, then pulled back to frown at your lackluster response. His body swayed a little as he studied you, “What?”

“I need to talk to you.”

“Ok,” he leaned away from you with a scoff, “Well, I’m here. Talk to me. Tell me how I fucked up this time.”

You winced, “Don’t do that.”

Crossing his arms, he stared at you, all fucking wobbly and drunk, irritation folding his facial features. He shrugged, “Do what?”

“That! You’re being an asshole.”

“Oh, I’m being an asshole?” he mocked, “How’s that?”

Rage simmered beneath your skin. You let out a chuckle of disbelief, shaking your head as tears pooled in your eyes. After taking a moment to gather yourself, you spit out, “Do you love me?”

“Do I—?” he furrowed his brow like he didn’t understand, shifting in his seat, “Do I love you?”

“Yes, Frankie. Do you fucking love me or not?”

His indignation melted. Shoulders slumping, gaze going soft. He swallowed hard and looked out at the street as if searching for an escape hatch. Emergency brake. Make it stop.

“Because I love you. I’ve been in love with you for so long… and-and I still don’t know what the fuck I am to you.”

He seemed frozen, staring at something a million miles away without sparing a reaction.

Nine months later, you can still feel the frantic vibration of your bones when you moved closer and cupped his cheeks, forcing him to look at you. When his eyes met yours, they were so cold and vacant that you barely recognized him. You tried to get through anyway.

“I need you right now, Frankie. But I need all of you. I can’t be on the back burner anymore. I need you to be with me or I need to let you go.”

“You know I can’t do that. I can’t be with you, not like that.”

“But you could, though. You could. We could do this, we could make it work, start a life together—”

“I won’t leave her,” he shook his head, “I have a family—goddamnit, you knew what this was when it started.”

You sobbed, letting your hands fall away from his face, and his eyelids fluttered with the ghost of an emotion that you didn’t understand.

He started, “I don’t—” then paused, tapping his clamped lips. His bloodshot eyes flicked around the porch and settled a million miles away again, “I don’t love you.”

With this declaration, he took his chisel to you, lined it up in just the right spot, and gave it one firm tap. You crumbled at his feet. Shattered into dust.

He got up and drove off while you were still bawling on the front porch swing.

Onscreen, Toulouse-Lautrec shouts, “The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return!”

It hits you square in the chest.

With tears brimming your eyelids, you jump up and flee to your bedroom before he can see them.

—

Terrible nights sleep. Every time I drifted off, I was in the bedroom at my parents house but it wasn’t in my parents house. He was there but he wasn’t there. I don’t know how to explain it. I felt his presence but knew it wasn't him. I kept my eyes closed because I was scared to see, but I could hear him getting closer and closer. When I opened my eyes I woke up. The feeling stuck to me. It took me forever to fall back asleep and when I did it started over.

Frankie didn’t go to work this morning. I don’t think he slept well either. Heard him walking around all night again. Idk if I should ask him what his deal is. I don’t want to talk to him about it yet and he’ll probably try to do that. Which is weird for him. A year ago I’d give anything for him to open up like he’s been trying to. But it hurts too much right now. It’s so messy. I’m all tangled. I need to straighten myself out before talking about it.

I think I’m going to an al-anon meeting today and I’m nervous. Not sure what to expect. Keep worrying they’ll tell me I don’t belong there or make me talk about him. I don’t know if I belong there. I don’t know if I belong anywhere.

Pulling back from your notebook, you stare at the last sentence for a while before closing the cover and setting it on the end table.

Frankie walks out from his bedroom and rounds the corner to the living room, looking suspiciously formal, wearing slacks and a white dress shirt. His dark curls have been combed into a neat side part. It even looks like he trimmed his facial hair.

As he peeks through the front window curtains, you blurt, “Are you wearing a fucking tie?”

He looks surprised to hear you speak, raising his eyebrows as he glances down at himself, then up at you, “Yeah. I have a uhhh… a deposition today.”

“Is that good or bad?”

“Not really either. It’s normal, I guess. They’re just asking me questions on the record.”

Nodding, you study his nervous demeanor, watching him reflexively go to lift his hat, faltering a little before running his fingers through his hair anyway.

A desire to comfort him trickles through you, extinguishing the glowing embers of contempt inside your chest.

“How is the case going, do you know?”

The corner of his mouth pulls back into a kind of grimace. He takes another peek out the window, then steps back and shrugs as he approaches the couch, “The lawyer says they’ll probably offer a plea deal once this is over. We’ll see what that looks like.” He sits down at the other end of the couch, pulling out his phone to keep an eye on the little car on his rideshare app, “He thinks maybe they could agree to a reduced sentence.”

You pick at your frayed cuticles, holding your tongue for as long as you can before asking, “How are you doing with… everything?”

When you glance at him, his face is crooked with contemplation. He shifts in his seat and crosses his arms, lips parting with an answer. A notification dings on his phone.

“My ride’s here,” he murmurs and meets your eyes with an apologetic expression, “We can talk about it later?”

You give him a non-committal smile, “Good luck at your thing.”

—

The woman who gave you your new member packet, apparently the leader of the meeting, looks around the room and announces,

“This afternoon, our fearless speaker will be Taylor. Everybody please welcome Taylor.”

From the back row, you sink down in your metal folding chair and glance around at the attendees, joining in when they start to clap for a woman approaching the podium.

“Hi everyone, my name is Taylor. I’m a member of Al-Anon.”

The room responds in unison, “Hi Taylor.”

Taylor smiles and shakes her head, looking down at a small stack of trembling notecards. Her round shoulders raise with a deep breath. She closes her eyes for a moment, exhales, then looks up at the room.

“If you would’ve told me a year ago I’d be the speaker at an Al-Anon group, there’s no way I’d believe you. But here I am,” she chuckles, “Wow. Thank you everyone for coming in today. I see so many familiar faces and some not so familiar faces and I’m grateful to see all of you. I’m proud of you for coming to this meeting today.

“One of the biggest preconceived notions I had when I started attending Al-Anon meetings nine months ago is that they would help me support my alcoholic husband. At the time, he was about a month into sobriety and had just started going to AA meetings. He was struggling like hell and a friend of his asked if he wanted to go to an AA meeting with him. So he did.

“I’ll be honest, when he suggested I go to Al-Anon, I was annoyed. I really was. At that point, we’d been married for five years. He tried quitting, oh, I don’t know… six times in that five years? Three 90-day inpatient rehab stays, two arrests, more sleepless nights than I can count.”

Taylor pauses and looks down at her notes, then back up at the room as an amused smile spreads across her face.

“What it always reminded me of was this story my husband told me. Every so often, he goes through these phases where he gets very very interested in a particular subject. It completely takes him over. All he wants to do is read about it and talk about it and… well, you get it.

“When he was in his Greek mythology era, he told me about Sisyphus, the king of Ephyra. Sisyphus killed people who visited his palace, which angered the gods because they considered it impolite, which is the understatement of the millennium, but that’s neither here nor there. When Sisyphus died, Hades punished him to an eternity rolling a boulder uphill. He would fight his way up this steep hill, pushing the boulder with all his might. The boulder was enchanted, though, and every time the it got near the top, the boulder would roll back down the hill, then he’d have to try again. So he does this over and over and over for eternity. Infinite frustration and exhaustion.

“Sometimes it felt like that with him. With my alcoholic. Like I was stuck in this loop, fighting like hell to push his dead weight to the top of the hill. Just when I got a scrap of hope, it went tumbling back down. Over and over and over again. I structured my whole life around his relationship to alcohol. Checking in with him constantly, making sure I didn’t say or do anything that might trigger another relapse, putting myself on the back burner to accommodate his needs. So when he suggested I try going to Al-Anon meetings, I expected it to be another chore catering to his sobriety. I thought I would come here and learn all the ways people support the alcoholic in their life the right way. Because I obviously wasn’t doing it the right way. If I was, he would have years of sobriety under his belt.

“Regardless, I agreed to go, and quickly discovered my preconceived notions about Al-Anon were wrong. Al-Anon doesn’t exist for us to better service the alcoholic or alcoholics in our lives. Sure, we’re all here because of the alcoholic in our lives, but the point is to better service ourselves. I think that distinction is important.

“When I came home from my first meeting, I went through the new member packet Mario gave me, and found a handout that said: Detachment is neither kind nor unkind,” Taylor nods at the memory and looks around the room, “That struck a chord with me, that phrase. Detachment is neither kind nor unkind. It didn’t make sense to me at first. I thought, how is detachment neither kind nor unkind? It went against my instincts completely. How was I supposed to help my husband if I detached from him? Isn’t love about being attached to someone, sticking together through thick and thin?

“Attending meetings and working the steps helped me get a better grasp on the concept. I came to understand that, in Al-Anon, detachment can mean two different things. The first is separating the person you love from their alcoholic behaviors. The second is a little harder to define, but it centers around the idea that you are separate from other people, and their actions do not control yours. Let me show you what I mean, though.

“In my relationship with my husband, we were entangled,” Taylor laces her hands together and holds them up for everyone to see. “Wherever he went, I went, too.” She moves her clasped hands back and forth. Spreading her hands apart, she says, “I didn’t want to be apart from him. But what I found with detachment is,” she flattens her hands palm-to-palm, “We can be close without being entangled. That way, if he goes to a dark place,” she moves one hand away from the other and shakes her head, “I don’t have to go with him if I don’t want to.”

Taylor looks around the room, allowing her words to sink in, then returns her attention to the stack of notecards and flips to the next.

“When we detach in this way, it both relieves us of our perceived responsibility for their actions and emotions, and grants them autonomy to make their own choices. They deserve dignity and freedom, which is difficult to obtain if we try to manage their lives.

“So often in our marriage, I thought that loving my alcoholic meant rescuing him from himself. I thought that if I exerted myself hard enough, pushed him up that steep hill long enough, we would get to the top together. But the effort was Sisyphean. It didn’t matter how much time or effort I put into controlling the direction of the boulder. It would always roll downhill, because the boulder was enchanted. Even if I spent an eternity trying, even if I begged and screamed and pleaded with the boulder, it would still be enchanted. And, you know… maybe that’s ok. Maybe he’s not meant to sit at the top of the hill. It’s not his fault, either, and I came to realize that instead of getting frustrated at him for being enchanted, I can meet him where he is and love him anyway. If I don’t like that place, I don’t have to stay there. When I detach with love, I grant myself autonomy as well as him.

“Putting the metaphor aside, I’ve used this in practice by no longer lying for him. If he’s at an AA meeting and our daughter asks why he’s not home, I tell her the truth. When my family or friends ask how everything is going, I don’t try to make it seem easier than it is so he can save face. I confide in them with sincerity because that is what I need. I’ve stopped giving him advice unless he asks for it, because I’ve learned here that most times people don’t need advice, they just need someone to listen and be present. I’ve stopped trying to take the reins when I think he’s making poor decisions, because he doesn’t need someone to do it for him. He needs to learn to do it himself. Part of learning is making mistakes and growing out from beneath the consequences.

“Detachment is neither kind nor unkind, it’s a tool we utilize to free ourselves and the alcoholic in our lives. Al-Anon doesn’t exist to teach us how to help the alcoholic in our lives, although the tools it gives us can aid in their recovery as well as ours. This fellowship exists to help us, the families of the alcoholic, so that we may lead more joyful and serene lives. Thank you.”

Applause erupts from the crowd, and you join in, watching Taylor glow with pride as she steps away from the podium.

—

Damp, hot air pours in through the rolled-down windows, carrying with it the earthy scent of algae-bloom off East Lake Tohopekaliga. Driving along the slow, steady curve, you pass by sprawling oak trees, their eaves all draped in spanish moss.

Your hope was that taking the scenic route home would clear your head, but it’s not doing the trick. Something shifted inside you during the meeting. You can’t quite put your finger on exactly what shifted or why it happened, although your circular thoughts give you the sense you’re on the precipice of understanding.

You keep thinking about the speaker, Taylor, and the lesson she relayed from her podium. Her situation is different from yours, but you know it all the same. You know how it feels to dig your heels into the dirt, struggling like hell to push someone in the direction you think is best. You know how it feels to see him tumble to the bottom time and time again. And for what? It’s not like he’s any better off because of your efforts. It’s not like you are, either.

How many times have you betrayed yourself for the sake of his favor? How many times have you put your needs aside to tend to his?

Calm blue-gray water flickers behind the trees you drive past. It looks peaceful. Further up the road, you spot a public access point to the lake and turn into the lot, hitting a bump. When you do, a loud BANG reverberates through the car. The steering wheel shakes as you slow to a jerky, lopsided stop.

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me,” you fume, shifting the car into park. Folding forward onto the steering wheel, you pinch your eyes shut and take a deep breath, then exit the vehicle to look at the damage.

The front driver’s side tire sits flat against the pavement. You stare at it and shake your head, muttering, “God fucking damnit,” before walking to the trunk.

You open it and pull up the mat to the spare tire well. It’s empty.

“Fucking of course. Jesus fucking—”

Cutting yourself off with a furious groan, you pull out your phone and go through your contact list, pointedly scrolling past the F’s to pause at Leah, who’s over an hour away, then Marla, who’s busy enough as it is. You even briefly consider Rory, but the idea makes your stomach lurch.

You could just do it all yourself. Order a car on one of those rideshare apps. It would take forever, though, and you’ve never changed a tire before.

Frankie is the logical choice. The first person who came to mind, if you’re being honest. Something hard and stubborn inside your chest throbs when you hover over his name.

It’s pride, you realize. Maybe a little fear. You don’t want to ask for his help. You don’t want to burden him. You don’t want to be disappointed if he says no.

All the same, you dial his number. He picks up on the second ring.

“H—”

“Are you at the house?”

“I am.”

“Are you busy?”

“Nothing I can’t put off ‘til later. Why?”

“My fucking tire blew out, and my spare is in the garage,” you sigh and throw your head back, propping a hand on your hip, “Is there any way you can bring it out to me?”

“I, umm… yeah, of course. Where are you?”

“East Lake Toho.”

He snorts, “Christ, what’re you doing all the way out there?” In the background, you hear the floorboards creaking, mapping his way through the house. Before you can respond, he asks, “Spare tire in the garage, need me to grab anything else?”

“Uhhhh…” you wrinkle your nose at the trunk, “I don’t know, I have a jack and the tire iron thing.”

“That should do it. Wanna drop me a pin? I’ll have to get a ride out there.”

“Yeah. I can pay you back if you need to order a Lyft or whatever.”

“Just take it off my tab,” he jokes, the back door squeaking open behind his voice, “Hang tight, I’ll be there in a bit.”

You turn around to lean back on the bumper, “Ok, I’ll be here.”

After hanging up, you share your location with him, then wander down to the dock. It rattles around as you teeter to the end and sit down, letting your feet dangle over the edge.

Cattails and lily pads have been cleared from the shoreline near the boat landing, giving you a clear view across the lake, broken up here and there by thick swaths of aquatic vegetation. The glassy surface of the water reflects the hazy blue sky, and stagnant air sticks humid to your skin. Insects buzz and birds sing and somewhere far away you hear a boat motor chugging across the lake.

When you think of serenity, this is what you picture. Stillness and calm. Peace. You inhale the scene, allowing it to stretch out inside you and unfurl your tensed muscles.

As soon as the unease evaporates from your body, fatigue takes over.

Lying back on the dock, you stare up at tall, fluffy clouds littering the sky. Your eyelids grow heavy as you watch the slow-moving parade of shifting giants, the warm air lulling you into comfort until you let your eyes drift closed.

Your awareness fades in and out while you sleep. At one point, a car door shuts, then the car drives off. Vaguely, you know it’s Frankie but can’t lift your limbs, syrupy thick with lethargy. You hear grunts and metallic clattering. Some time later, your trunk slams shut.

When the dock starts wobbling around beneath you, you blink your eyes open and sit up, scrubbing your hands over your face as a yawn overtakes you.

“Hey sleepyhead.”

You glance over your shoulder at Frankie, who comes to sit down beside you with a groan. He’s back to his usual attire, jeans and a t-shirt, baseball cap firmly in place atop his head.

Still groggy, you yawn, “I couldn’t make myself wake up.”

“Not sleeping well?”

“Fucking awful, honestly.”

“Yeah, I know.”

You frown at him, searching his face until he gives you a little shrug, at which point you mumble, “Oh. I forgot that I, umm… yeah. Sorry.”

“No need to apologize,” he tells you, squinting up at the sky before dropping his eyes to his hands as he fiddles with his wedding band, “Same here. The—the sleep part, not the nightmares.”

“Yeah, I know. I hear you pacing around at night.”

“Oh… sorry, I didn’t realize—”

You push yourself up straighter to watch his legs dangle next to yours, “It’s fine.”

Quiet settles comfortably between you. Near the dock, you see a cluster of bubbles rise to the surface of the lake and burst. The ripples flatten out and calm returns.

A question swells in your ribcage. Just a small pocket of air at first, maybe the size of a pebble. The longer you sit and stare at the water, though, it expands. It works its way up your throat, taking up more and more space with each passing second until you can’t contain it any more.

“So you were lying to me, right? About not being with her?”

He meets your gaze, dark eyes all remorseful and gooey, then he nods, “Yeah. I was lying. To both of you.”

Folding your legs up onto the dock, you look away in the hope that he won’t notice the tears starting to come. When he speaks, his voice comes out hoarse and quiet.

“How much do you want me to tell you?”

The question replaces the air in your lungs with a vibrating sensation. Another cluster of bubbles dissolve on the surface of the lake. You manage to croak, “I don’t know.”

He doesn’t respond. You sense that he’s waiting for you to make the next move.

Your mind wanders to the front porch swing that night you forced him to choose. He felt so far away. Until he told you differently, you were so certain he was in love with you.

“I don’t know how to trust your words as truth, Frankie. All the way back to the start, I don’t know what was real and what was bullshit and I am fucking—” your voice cracks from the emotion burning up your throat.

He goes to comfort you, but pulls back before making contact.

Every cell inside you aches for him to bridge the gap. You follow the instinct, grabbing his shirt to curl into his shoulder. As soon as you do, he wraps his arms tight around you, bringing you in closer.

A wave of moth-eaten hurt wells up your chest.

“Why?” you sob, “Why did you do this to me? I don’t understand—”

He starts to rock you in a slow, soothing motion, burying his face in your hair as you cry into the collar of his shirt. In the background, behind your racing thoughts and shattered breaths, you hear him whisper on repeat: I’m sorry, baby… I’m so sorry.

212 notes · View notes

tourturestarradio · 10 months ago

Text

𝐒𝐄𝐀 𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘

☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆

Pairing: Luffy, Zoro, Sanji (more added later) x Mermaid reader!

Prompt: After your family jewels were stolen you were determined to get them back joining you closest friend Monkey D. Luffy on his adventure to become the king of the pirates.

Warnings: none, this follows the live action!!

Part 1

☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆☆ ★ ✮

⋆｡°✩ ┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ˚★⋆｡˚ ⋆ ┊ ┊ ┊ ⋆ ┊ ┊ ★⋆ ┊ ◦ ★⋆ ┊ . ˚ ˚★

𝐒𝐍𝐄𝐀𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐏𝐀𝐒𝐓 my brothers I swam around to find the secret room, my father was as usual out doing important man stuff whatever that was...I got to the door placing my hand on it, I wondered how my dad even got that purple glow. I focused hard onto the door, squeezing my eyes shut "work dang it!"

I focused as hard as I could a light blue glow formed around my hands causing the heavy door to seemingly unlocked, smiling widely I stared at hands "it worked!" I pushed open the door and saw a line of necklaces.

Mines being all the way at the end, I swam up to it looking at all our different necklace designs.

They all had the same gem stone they were just different colors. I ran my fingers across my necklace picking it up carefully.

I swam out of the room closing the door behind me, I quickly swam out of the house and up to the surface to where me and Luffy would hang out on the docks.

I slid the necklace on, I didn't feel any different whatsoever. I looked down at my tail and saw well, my tail. Not a single leg in sight, I rubbed the necklace "hm maybe it isn't magi-" I saw a light green spark "huh?" the water started to swirl around me light green sparks zapping around my tail.

I started to grow dizzy as the water spun me around, but oddly enough I felt my tail start to separate into two my flipper shrinking in size and my scales disappearing. I squeezed my eyes shut as the bubbles flared up into my face, I looked down as the bubbles stopped.

And I saw...legs! actual human legs!! I climbed onto the docks, I tried to stand up but my legs wobbled and I fell down "aha! I have legs!" I still had my fins but they were smaller and the webbing in between my fingers was gone and my normal (f/c) skin looked blotchy some patches of skin were a (s/c) while others were (f/c). My father had told me about it but I had time remembering what it was called.

It was similar to what humans experienced called vitiligo.

I looked back down to my legs wiggling my toes, I tried standing up again, I stood up straight my legs wobbling "o-ok making progress..." I took a step forward and fell flat on my face "ow..."

"Oi, you need help...uh walking?" I looked up and saw one of shanks crew mates, had brown skin and a blonde afro, I nodded "aren't you Luffy's little pirate queen?" he asked, could feel my fins warm up "u-um yes" he tilts his head, he pulled me up to my feet holding the back of my dress.

Wait I had clothes? I had a swimsuit that looked like a dress, I held the back of the males pants stumbling trying to walk "right foot....then left foot...right foot then...left foot..." I mumbled, I wobbled with every step but hey! At least I was walking!

As we walked I saw so many different people! Big, small, short, tall, pretty, ugly, it was very exciting!

"Oi Luffy guess what fish grew legs!" I heard the taller male exclaim, I peeked from behind his leg I saw Luffy sitting down looking sad a few stitches under his eye. He tilted his head but his eyes lit up as he saw me standing I waved to him. He jumped down from his seat and ran over to me tackling me down into a hug.

"You have legs!" he smiles widely, I smiled back nodding "they're hard to use though..." Luffy held my hands "here i'll help you!" we both began walking I followed his walking pattern.

He had a cheeky grin on his face "see it's not so hard is it?" we walked around the small bar a green haired woman looking down at the two of us with a smile.

Letting go of me he exclaimed "hey wait look what I can do!" Lifting his arm the woman cut in "Luffy no." he frowned and dropped his arm. I rubbed his back "well m-maybe you could show me around?"

Luffy brightened up tremendously "yeah! come on let's go!" he tried to run off but I wasn't used to moving too quickly and toppled over on top of him "s-sorry!" my fins glowed as I stumbled off of him. He sat up his cheeks dusted light pink, but he still got up and held my hand helping me walk.

Eventually he let go of my hand "you should try it on your own!" I gulped "b-but what if I fall!" "come on Y/n just try it!" I shakily let go of his hand steadying myself I muttered "right foot first...then left foot...right foot...left foot"

Luffy smiled "see you're doing it!" I continued to walk around "I think I got it!" Luffy hugged me tightly "yay! I knew you could do it!" I hugged back tightly.

They two's friendship grew as strong as a rip current, nothing could truly pull the two apart. Over time the mermaid would sneak back to the surface to hang out with her only friend.

Then she suddenly just disappeared for a few months, Luffy waited for her everyday, for hours but she just didn't show up which wasn't like her at all.

He thought she just decided not to return.

Suddenly she was back, saying she had to take care of a few things for a while. Oddly enough she wouldn't return home, she'd swim around for a while but then she'd just come back up on shore.

Whenever Luffy asked about it she'd get upset and change the topic so Luffy just didn't talk about it anymore.

Growing up Luffy's brown skin got lighter but he still had a tan, his hair stayed curly, but he grew taller.

But not taller than Y/n, she grew to about 5'10 pretty tall but all that height was from her tail, the longer your tail the taller you'd be if you had legs, so it's safe to say she wasn't done growing.

Y/n looked mostly the same apart from her hair growing longer, but she grew to be a real beauty. Most people were either looking at her face or her thighs.

Another fun fact about being a mermaid, it made your thighs thicker for some weird reason. Y/n was a tad bit embarrassed about it but Luffy had utterly zero problems with it.

He quote "love how squishy they are, and they are great to lay on" but she must keep a watchful eye out. On more than one occasion he bit her thighs because they reminded him of marshmallows.

The only thing Y/n hated about being on land was the fact that she had to wear clothes! In all the time she spent as a mermaid she only ever had to wear a bathing suit top, that's it!

Apart from that she didn't need to worry about pants or skirts or shorts! But she hated the feeling of any fabric rubbing up against her legs specifically her fins that were located on the sides of her calves.

Y/n would wear short skirts, or shorts, shirts weren't really a problem for a while until, her gills stretched out a bit on her neck so anything rubbing up on that made her uncomfortable.

So she wore tank tops or tube tops, no long sleeves because once again her fins got in the way.

Speaking of the two somewhere far off in the east blue a boy with pink hair and round glasses cleaned the lower deck of a ship mildly annoyed when he heard a thumping noise and muffled voices.

"W-Wait don't move I think I can kick out the lid.."

He followed the voices to a barrel that was shaking around.

"Your legs are in the way"

"u-um Luffy can y-you move your hand"

"why? i'm only touching your thighs?"

"N-No you're n-not"

"hey look your fins are glowing!"

The pink haired boy cocked his head to the side slowly stepping closer to the now glowing barrel.

"o-ok watch your head I'm gonna kick the lid"

Just as the voice said, a hard thumping noise and suddenly the lid slammed off the top, he heard more shuffling and a head popped out, it was a boy with a straw hat.

The pink haired boy shouted and stumbled away, Luffy got out of the barrel, while Y/n pulled herself out, but not without knocking over the barrel causing her to fall over.

Crawling out Y/n dusted herself off fixing her necklace. She tried to stand at her full height but she smacked her head on the roof of the lower deck. "O-ow..." following the sound of Luffy's voice she saw him talking to a pink haired boy, he stared at her.

She smiled and waved at him, he loosely waved back. They both stopped when they heard low snoring "wait is that a sea beast?" he snickered, the boy shook his head "no it's just Alvida snoring. if you both want to get out of here it's now or never" the two followed the boy.

Peeking their head out from the lower deck Y/n, Luffy, and the boy made their way up top Y/n staying close to Luffy.

She glanced around them seeing the sleeping crew mates, the pink haired boy handed Luffy an oar as he was about to send both them off but Luffy turned "Y/n do you need-" he stopped when he accidentally smack the oar into the side of a pole causing it to ring out loudly.

Y/n panicked as the crew started to wake up, while Luffy didn't look fazed at all.

"What's going on?"

Walking up a woman most likely the captain looked at the three, her gaze stopping on the pink haired boy. "Koby what's this? you're betraying me now?" Koby stammered "n-no captain Alvida...let me explain-"

She looked over at Luffy "you're too short and scrawny to be Roronao Zoro." he smirked at her "I'm Monkey D. Luffy," she placed her white hat on "never heard of you." "well, remember that name because i'm gonna be king of the pirates."

Both her and her crew laughed, Y/n glared lightly at the woman. "You must be new around here boy. because who's the most powerful pirate on the seas?" she looked around hearing her crew mates yell out "Captain Alvida!" she looked at Koby who stood silently.

She raised a brow "I'm sorry I didn't hear you Koby? who's the most powerful pirate on the seas?" Koby gulped nervously Y/n gently pulled Koby behind her "h-he doesn't have to answer you." Y/n wanted to punch herself in the face for stuttering. Alvida looked her up and down.

Clicking her tongue she asked "who're you?" Luffy smiled over to his close friend, "I'm Y/n Angelfish and I'm gonna be Queen of the sea!" Alvida looked somewhat interested "Angelfish huh?...so there is still one of you left." Luffy looked mildly confused, but he spoke "Koby is his own man, right?" he looked at Koby "shut up,"

Alvida spoke again "no, no, no he's not. He's mine and he'll always be mine." Luffy chuckled and raised the oar up "that's not what he told me. he said you were mean, and cruel, and you're as dumb as a sea cow" poor boy was shaking like a leaf.

Alvida was fuming now she swung the spiked club at the three, they ducked down causing her to hit the side of a wooden banister.

She swung the club back around making the people around her back up seeing as she almost hit them. One of her crew mates pulled out a gun and shot Luffy but he only puffed his chest out and the bullet popped right on out.

Shocking everyone but Y/n.

"Woah that was fun."

Alvida looked confused "what kind of monster are you?" she asked swinging at him once again only for him to stretch his torso and evade her attack.

He smirked at her "the stretchy kind."

He reached his arm back stretching an abnormally long "Gum gum!" her swung his arm forward "Pistol!" punching Alvida right off the boat.

Y/n looked over the edge of the boat, "uh is she gonna be ok?" Luffy only shrugged and walked away muttering something about needing food for a few days. Y/n was going to follow him but suddenly got light headed, she gripped the side of the boat "u-uh Luffy..." he turned around.

Seeing how she wobbled he came to her side quickly "you forgot how to walk again?" he joked, Y/n let out a small dry chuckle "water..." she mumbled, Luffy nodded and helped her sit on the side of the boat while Koby watched in confusion.

That confusion changed to shock as he watched Luffy push the girl overboard. He ran over leaning over the edge "w-what did you do?!" Luffy kept his smile "don't worry she'll be okay. Trust me, now come on let go get some food."

Koby looked over the edge, he could have sworn he saw a faint green glow but it quickly disappeared. Luffy dragged him away "come on"

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A/n: hope you enjoyed!

#fem reader #one piece x reader #sub one piece #luffy x reader #zoro x reader #sanji x reader #black leg sanji #one piece luffy #monkey d. luffy #luffy #straw hat luffy #with: luffy #one piece sanji #vinsmoke sanji #roronoa zoro #nami #zoro #nico robin

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