#For fucks sake she’s incredible

[lionblaze03-2]

Kind of obsessed with Pam stardew valley. Btw. If anyone even CARES

[oldhabitsdiescrming]

while i'm on my soapbox, let me say one more thing.

i see the critique of 'you sacrificed us to the gods of your bluest days'. i have seen every variation of complaint about this line specifically. how dare she criticize him for being mentally ill? (nevermind that the same was immediately done for her.) how dare she leave him just because he was depressed? how dare, how dare, how dare?

and i just, i think it's telling in many ways. as someone with depression/someone who has recently gone through a year-long depressive episode, i think this is severely taken out of context. the beginning of the song even includes a piece of that puzzle- i stopped tryna' make him laugh. the chorus asking how much sadness he believed she had in her, the multiple mentions of her bearing the weight. i've been on that side of this dynamic as well, that realization that someone you care about is hinging their happiness and healing on you. you have to bear the brunt of this because they, through no fault of their own, have settled into a fog.

it's already difficult enough of a situation, knowing this loved one is depending on you, but when you struggle with depression yourself? when you're hinging every day on being what this specific person needs to feel like they have something real to hold onto? there comes a certain point where, if you don't leave, you're going to lose yourself. you're never selfish for choosing yourself. depression looks different for everyone, and sometimes it does have that dangerous lead into dependency. you have to realize when you're breaking yourself with the same tools you're using to build them up. you just have to.

[ruthlesslistener]

listen I am about as pro-abortion as anyone can be, but aborting a baby just because they have Down's Syndrome should be fucking illegal. If you're someone who actively wants and is trying for a child, then you should be mentally, financially, and emotionally willing to provide for that child for the rest of your life if something goes wrong- because that is what being a good parent takes, and many many things can go wrong. Down's Syndrome is not at all close to the worst thing that can happen to a baby, and people with it can grow up to be happy, healthy, content adults- they just need a little bit of extra help and a different approach to raising them. If you just want a 'normal' child so that you can boot them out of your house when they turn 18 and have them around to take care of you when you're older, then you don't actually want children, you want an investment. A doll, not a family member. Not a person.

[jackienautism]

the ppl who say that sam doesnt have any personality are just fucking stupid

[masterkeynobi]

made the mistake of scrolling through some of the comments on the wbn patreon and some of you people need to die i'm so serious. it's not fucking groundbreaking to be whining about how annoying and entitled suvi is lmfao that's a feature not a bug and i think some of you just hate women. it's like you've never fucking seen aabria play before it's like you don't understand that characters need dimensionality and flaws to be interesting it's like you don't know that this campaign is gearing up for years and suvi being part and parcel of the institution she was raised in (as well as TWENTY YEARS OLD) makes perfect fucking sense. i understand not being thrilled at her choices (aabria is making those choices On Purpose there is meant to be tension and different motivations at play here. btw.) but wow people are soooooo aggressive about it ("i hope she drops to 0 hit points and dies") in a way that, straight up, is misogyny flavored with racism. you need to die violently and i mean that

[ritualslaughter]

I don't want to generalise but I think people that think ttpd is so deep and excellent songwriting are also the same people who think acotar is the height of fiction

[felassanis]

I swear to god if Dragon Age Dreadwolf dumbs down Solas's character and the conflict he is creating for the sake of keeping it "straightforward for new players" I am going to bite someone's head off.

First of all, who the FUCK is starting an RPG franchise with the FOURTH FUCKING GAME. If someone IS starting there, then they don't give a fuck about lore. Or its their own bloody fault that they have no clue what's going on.

Second of all, that just really infuriates players who are salivating for more exploration of deep lore and character complexity and instead get "mwuahahaha" villain boi and bikini witch explaining the lore to a character who should already know it...

[vaugarde]

this is probably the meanest thing i have to say about the wc fandom but sometimes ill see a take and ill go “good on you for your analysis skills but i think you are giving the erins wayyy too much credit”

[widevibratobitch]

havent heard her sing the 'dignare domine' part today and i realise i may have gotten addicted to it throughout the last few days. im having withdrawal symptoms and apparently a real actual crush on this woman lord help me jesus h christ im in trouble haha

[todayisafridaynight]

*walks in covered in blood* i finished first penguin. i reaaaaally really loved it oh my goddd all these peepaws being so dramatic and sulking wow grow up.. IWASAKI WAHHHH she was so cool and so awesome and so smart and she helped so much oh my god and she problem solved and and and WAHHHHH i think my fave parts were when she got Very Loud i kept saying damn girl at my screen each time she put her foot down UGH and the conflicts and the solutions and the AUUGHHHHHH. anyways loved it why am i sobbing over the ending though.

BRO MFINISHED IT HELLO ??? ?? IM S GLAD YOU FINISHED IT- AND SO QUICK JESUS CHRIST--

BUT YEAAAASSSSSS YES I LOVE IWASAKI THIS AN IWASAKI STAN CLUB !!!!! i LOVE LOVE LOVE how patient and fair she generally is but she also doesn't allow people to do whatever they want. BUUUTT I ALSO LOVE how on top of correcting people in that passive-aggressive way, she isn't afraid to get ABSOLUTELY irate and really let someone have it- IT'S JUST SO GOOD and i NEVER really see it with lady protags so i was a HUUGE fan whenever it happened

ENDING WAS SO TWISTED THO MAAADDDD UNFAIR TO IWASAKI (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)(;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)(;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`) like i GUESS she did was she was paid to do in the end but..... THATS HER FAM CMON NOW (;´༎ຶx༎ຶ`)

i fuckin. LOVE the fishermen they deadass collectively share exactly ONE (1) brain cell and it's frustrating sometimes but it's also the stupidest and cutest thing i ever seen (╯▽╰ ) THE BIT IN LIKE- EP 3 I THINK WHERE THEY'RE ALL CHASING AFTER IWASAKI TO APOLOGIZE ALWAYS MAKES ME GIGGLE THO i think of it far too often for my own good its so cute... like Goddamn They Really Are A Batch Of Penguins...

[ahalliance]

bro no way i just saw a trans person say theyre gonna play the harry potter game. she quite literally admitted that the money she gets from stuff like this goes to fund her anti-trans charities. incredible self-own

[canonbisexualbuck]

i came on here to complain about the 'sw*fties' who keep saying she's retiring after the eras tour

but all i can think about is niall playing the cardigan bridge

[ben-the-hyena]

The dream that more or less forced me to start shipping Petit Nabot and Psi and have Psi and Pierrot become friendly exes 2 nights ago is hilarious when you think about its details and consequences

Because imagine how fucking insecure that nervous midget who probably likes to cause discord to feel better about himself and feel powerful at least over one thing because he knows he is weak and ugly would feel now that he would constantly compare himself to her ex boyfriend whenever he would visit and how paranoid he would be about her ending up with him again even though Pierrot himself is honest and nice and assures he wouldn't which in turn would make Petit Nabot feel EVEN MORE insecure about being the local paranoid freak

Pierrot used to fucking go horseriding with her on the beach under the sunset barechested when they were teenagers how do you as Petit Nabot feel safe when you look like that

[isaacathom]

because a pc died in a recent ttrpg session my brain has gone absolutely Ballistic and i have fun thoughts about my character in ways that both do and dont relate to that, which i should stop flooding my twitter timeline with, and thus,

so first of all! the character who died, Commodore Morgaan Vandervest, was the party leader. He was the head of the fleet, the leader of our little strike force forward troop, captain of the Pendagast. A man with a military background, he'd signed onto this whole trip largely to get away from his family.

my character, Naielle Odelia, was the Pendagast's navigator. In a confrontation with pirates, Naielle was required to navigate the sheep through a shallow reef, and nearly got the boat grounded. When the pirate ship was captured, Naielle was, for reasons still unclear to her, appointed to serve as its captain.

Vandervest was a complicated leader for the crew. He was illsuited to the complicated political and diplomatic incidents he had to engage in, in ways which often wrankled against the more diplomatically minded crew. He also gave orders that were... harsh is the wrong word, but were coming from a more ruthless perspective, which particularly wrankle the generally polite and conflict avoidant Naielle. She wasn't alone in her dislike for the commodore's actions, but she only acted against his orders twice. "only", huh! other people were planning mutiny, on a variety of grounds.

BUT. Naielle would consider him a good leader. Not suited to his task, necessarily. She had many disagreements. But she trusted him to make those decisions honestly. And she took her appointment by him extremely seriously, despite her misgivings that she herself wasnt suited to the post.

Vandervest's background, being from a tiefling bloodline cursed centuries ago, meant that the majority of individuals in a given generation do not live past 80 or so. The Blight, as it's so called, will claim them before that point.

He was 63.

He hid the effects from everyone as best he could once they manifested, some month or two ago in-game. He slipped only rarely, and refused to be babied by the understandably-concerned crew. He didn't tell them. He told only his personal spy, who helped him arrange his affairs. Despite his condition, he didn't stop going into the field with the party when the situation demanded it. When he was knocked unconscious in battle against a corrupted dragon, multiple members of the party pulled out the stops to rescue him, even against things he wanted to happen - a chain devil had arrived to ferry his body away, and was prevented from doing so by three separate interventions. He was given the chance to explain himself, in brief, with what power he had left. And then he was gone.

He was 63.

Naielle has. a great deal to unpack in the Commodore's death. There's the issues in the immediate, the sudden gulf of leaderlessness that is being filled reluctantly by another party member, appointed by the dying Commodore with no fore-knowledge of his eligibility. Led or not, the dynamic has changed. There's the loss of his presence on the battlefield, the space in which he is most present, most skilled, most suited.

And there's other things. Naielle sees in the death of the Commodore the death of a cousin of her, Vincent Gerner, who died 7 or so years ago of a recurrent illness. Vincent was similarly stubborn and refused help as far as he could. Perhaps unluckier than the Commodore in a sense, that he lacked the nigh-supernatural strength to keep fighting until 11:59.

Vincent is the one who got Naielle her job as a navigator.

Vincent looked at Naielle, exiled from her home and wallowing in despair in his mother's spare room, and he told her that was not living. That she couldn't just let life come to her, couldn't just wait out the result she wanted, but had to grab it. And if she couldn't? If what she wanted wasn't available? Seek something else. Live, for fucks sake. He gave her that job, through his guild connections, and he got her on her feet.

It wasn't love. It's not love. It's bitter pragmatism. It's the knowledge of a dying man that he is doing his best to Live, and that everyone should, however they define that. And that what she's doing couldn't possibly be it, even by her own standards. If she'd refused, he would have let her. But he gave her that glimmer of hope, without love, and she seized it.

Vandervest is the one who gave Naielle her position as captain.

She doesn't know what motivated him to do it. She had just floundered in her role as navigator. She had failed the Pendagast. And, she supposes, and she can only suppose, he saw her skills lying elsewhere. Thought she might better suit command, a higher level perspective. Thought it was an opportunity for her to redeem herself and not wallow in her failures. Had faith, and she hopes it was faith, that she would succeed.

She doesn't know if she has. She hopes she has.

Like her job or not, she has considered it worthwhile. Command has forced responsibility on Naielle that she has avoided much of her life, and while she has not grasped it eagerly, she has sought to pay off his faith. She has gained confidence from his action.

In a letter she wrote to him, intended to be read after her own death and instead delivered after his, she told him:

For what I can only assume was faith that I could rise to the challenge, I have to thank you. Given the circumstances, I think anyone else would have thought that a foolish notion - had I half the confidence then as I do now, I would have said so myself.

And she was sincere. She meant it. She did not want the job, but she didn't want to let him down, and it's only now, months into her station, that she has the confidence she would have needed to tell him as much.

She owes both men a great deal. Neither man will ever really, truly know the depth of Naielle's gratitude to them.

She will repay them for what they did for her, whether they understand it or not.

All her unspent wages will go to Vincent's mother, who so graciously housed her in her exile, and to Vincent's daughter Josefien, a woman close in age to her who she might, sometimes, consider like a sister.

She can't pay Vandervest. She certainly wouldn't pay his family - all evidence suggests he wouldn't want that. But she can keep going. She can continue in her role, unwanted or not, and rise to the challenge he gave her all those months ago. She can hold true to who she is, and she can maybe, maybe, make his trust worth it. She can not disappoint a ghost.

-----

There are things she wanted to talk to Vandervest about, but was never going to.

Naielle is a warlock to the star Alcor, a forgotten glimmer in an elven sky. He is the reason for her exile, 20 years before the campaign began. Naielle's sister Mariela is a warlock to him too, unwillingly, brought into the fold by accident on Naielle's part. Long story, that.

Recently, Naielle learnt the reason she was made a warlock.

From her perspective, she had entreated the stars for help on her research project - knowledge, that old card. And the stars responded, and said she would have that and more.

That more was that she would serve in distant battlefields against Aboleth, and that she would reach apotheosis and join the star in the sky.

The former she had done with some acceptance, unaware at the time that this was all by design. She felt it her moral duty to intervene, to aid, to repell.

To give over herself to the divine is a concept she fears.

A fragment of her patron gave her options for how she might move forward:

Forsake her pact entirely, losing all knowledge and power gained therein. This would, not in totality but in effect, wipe 20yrs of memory from her. She would remember why she was here, and some details, but large sections would be utterly erased.

Declare her pact complete at a moment of triumph - no minor triumph, but grand. The death of an aboleth. To rid her sister of the pact, she must also be present.

Declare herself unfit to discharge her duties as high priest of Alcor, and nominate another as successor - her only option is Mariela, the sole other adherent.

Commit wholly, in the knowledge that manifesting the power of a great celestial may be what separates victory from defeat, the beating back of the aboleth threat from the complete destruction of the plane they invade. To reach for the stars.

Naielle fears her options. She considers the first utterly untenable, even in the face of her sister's suggestion that such a revocation would remove that which caused her exile, and would potentially permit her return home. As much as she wants it, she could not tolerate betraying the party in such a way. To be so selfish, without qualification, so as to remove herself entirely from the field of play.

But the remaining options, she struggles to pick between. She fears each in their own way, for the consequences for herself, and for her sister.

She would have liked to talk to Vandervest about them. She was never going to.

Regardless of the Commodore's weaknesses, Naielle trusted him. Naielle wanted his faith in her, as she saw it, to not be misplaced. She never went against an explicit order made of her - a measely distinction, but one she would make. She may have undermined orders of his made to others, but she followed her own.

She could not have spoken to Vandervest, Captain to Commodore. Any input he made would be an order.

She could not have spoken to him, peer to peer, one warrior against the aboleth to another. Any input he made would be a strong suggestion, something she might treat as though it were an order, no matter how he qualified it.

She would have liked his insight, even if she likely would have disliked the results. Frankly, she feared the idea of telling him she'd made a certain decision, and what reaction he might have.

Maybe it's for the best that he died before she made a choice.

-----

There are, arguably, two Naielles.

There's the Naielle that is Captain of the Xistina, Navigator of the Pendagast, a level-headed if anxious soul with a good heart and a desire for peace. A person reluctant to volunteer for a difficult task, but will commit with gusto should the duty fall to her, because others rely on her. A person who thinks and overthinks and triplethinks over anything she can see coming, who only acts when the situation demands immediacy, who might otherwise think herself into a hole. A self-described coward.

And there's the Naielle who steps onto the battlefield, Warlock and Reluctant High Priestess of Alcor, avatar of his power on the material plane. A healer and ranger spellcaster, who, in an instant, will ignore her backrow position to sprint forward to support her melee crew. A woman who hates to fly who considered leaping from a building to rescue someone. Someone who would take any action, make any decision, if it would save another. Someone who has to be reminded her own life is at risk in order for her to take it into account.

These are the same person. It's the same person forced to act.

If left to her own devices, Naielle will think and think and fret, and she will not act. Vincent and Vandervest, in their own ways, forced her to act on a particular scale, but in the micro she is often still there, worrying.

She can't afford to on the battlefield. So the first thing she drops, the first thing she leaves behind when the chips are down, is herself.

She often regrets it. Her breath will slow and the adrenaline ebb, and she'll realise she crossed a mortal boundary. Her head will return to earth and find it riddled with blood.

It's not that she doesn't know what's she's doing. It's not a barbarian rage, insensible and disconnected from the self. It's just that, in the moment, what she wants is the first thing to go, and the first thing to come back.

She acquired a mindflayer sword, a grotesque weapon intended to subjugate and control. She took it reluctantly, and said that she would make use of only specific abilities - the ability to cast forbiddance, the ability to cast gate, the ability to cast planeshift. Traits for which her party could find unambiguously positive use. A spellcasting implement.

And then, in a fight against a paladin of Asmodeus, who had blackmailed the fleet's Admiral with a contract over him and his son, Naielle used the sword to enthrall him.

She robbed him of his free will, even if only for a time. Demanded he rescind the contracts. And when clarity returned to his clouded eyes, she killed him. A man disarmed and restrained.

She knew what she was doing. It wasn't an order, either. She volunteered it, reluctantly even in the moment, as a solution to the problem. It was a tool at her disposal, and in a crisis, she will use any tool.

And after the crisis, she will weep.

Apotheosis is a tool. The fragment of Alcor did not refer to it in those terms, but it is the manner in which she understood it. An act ultimately to benefit the celestial, by allowing it a brief material manifestation, a means through which to empower itself and spread its will. And, in so doing, potentially fell Aboleth, first and father of all.

It's a tool. An option the Naielle of the battlefield would seize.

And Naielle of the ship fears it.

She doesn't think she'd regret it in the moment. That she'd acknowledge, even afterwards, that to make that commitment, to declare herself Alcor incarnate, would be the correct decision. But it means the loss of her individual personhood, her chance to live a life she has long craved with her wife, with her family. Isolated from all of them. Even if her decision was the deciding factor in their success, she thinks she might regret that.

So she wants to remove it. Naielle of the ship sees a tool that will kill her, no ifs ands or buts, that will take from the people she holds dear and deny her the satisfaction of victory.

And Naielle of the battlefield would see it as a decisive tool against evil. As a way to protect what she holds dear, to ensure that they all get to live their lives full and without fear. A way to allow others like Naielle their happy ending, at the cost of her own. A small price.

And the two are not reconciled. Maybe they never will be. Maybe Naielle of the ship will dither and delay, and deny herself any out, and Naielle of the battlefield will win. Or Naielle of the ship will be decisive, and she'll remove it from the board, and Naielle of the battlefield will regret its absence.

And both Naielle's, I think, wrestle over the idea of whether the self matters more than the group. And they'll keep wrestling until the storm envelops of them all.

[135-film]

had to delete my kofi because my abusive mom had found it

[mexashepot]

The summary of today in my personal life