#if my mom had all the free time in the world she would genuinely go door to door in my area until she found my house

[135-film]

had to delete my kofi because my abusive mom had found it

[joequiinn]

The Dos & Don'ts of Fake Dating | E.M. x reader | pt. 1

[chap two] | [all chapters here]

summary: You propose a crazy idea to the resident freak of Hawkins, Eddie Munson. But maybe he was even crazier for agreeing to it…

notes & tropes: fem reader, faking dating, opposites attract, bratty rich bitch reader, super minor revenge plot, not-quite-enemies-to-lovers

a/n: Was I the only one who turned 18 a month into their senior year and then proceeded to spiral and become The Worst version of themself possible?? Well, this fic is semi-inspired by that shitty part of my life lmao. Reader figure skates though. I can’t figure skate, hurts my feet lol. I never expected to write a fake dating story, but Eddie Munson has had me bewitched for nearly 2 years now, so here we go.

(if you'd like to be added to a tag list, pls let me know!)

wc: 3.9k

Chapter One

The idea came to you during a student council meeting as the class president was droning on about the ‘85 homecoming preparations: you needed to do something crazy, something completely and utterly out of character.

Maybe it was because of your ex breaking up with you just weeks before school started. Maybe it was that senior year itch. Maybe it was the realization that you were turning 18 next week. Hell, maybe you just woke up that morning with a strong sense that the things in your life were no longer satisfying you.

Whatever the cause, since the start of your senior year, you’ve just felt so off.

Your ex, Duncan, breaking up with you right before school started was a low blow, and an absolutely shitty feeling - you didn’t date much, but when you did, it was never the guy that ended things. It wasn’t shitty because you were in love and oh so heartbreak, it wasn’t shitty because you saw a future with him. It was shitty because of how goddamn embarrassing it was.

To your peers, you were a couple that made sense, and in fact people had been urging you to go out for a while. And, obviously, you had grown to like him, considering that you were in a relationship for six months - you never would have put up with him for that long if you didn’t actually like him. But the fact that he broke up with you, and not the other way around, left a sour, spiteful taste in your mouth.

So, perhaps it was that break-up that made you feel different this entire month. Or maybe it was your impending 18th birthday, which made you realize just how close you were to legal adulthood. Whatever the cause, every single aspect of your life up to this point suddenly came under your deep scrutiny. You just weren’t… happy?

That made it sound bad, but what were you enjoying right now? What got you excited every day? As you sat in the student council meeting, zoning out since the very start, you came to think that maybe you had nothing going on right now that you genuinely wanted in your life.

Hell, you weren’t even on the student council because you enjoyed it, Janet just dragged you into it back in your sophomore year. You figured she loved the sense of importance it gave her. She and everyone else in the council probably got off on how important they felt, the dictators of Hawkins High School.

You always ran in this crowd, and before you never questioned it. The popular kids, the rich kids, the successful kids. You don’t remember ever choosing these friends and acquaintances - if anything, it seemed that these peers were all a constant, as if they’d always been there from the very start. You figured it was the natural state of the world - as the daughter of one of the richest men in town, you were predestined to end up here. Not here as in the student council, surrounded by other spoiled rich kids debating the difference between turquoise and cyan. But here in an even broader sense - in a finely curated life, in all the “right” circles, on the path to either greatness or becoming the trophy wife of greatness.

Up until now, you’d never questioned it. Yes, mom and dad, you were a popular kid whose free time was fully booked between college prep, figure skating, student council, dates with a cookie-cutter boyfriend, and everything else under the sun. Yes, mom and dad, you were doing everything they all told you too because it would look great on your college applications, because that’s what you’re supposed to do, because that’s how things have always been done.

It started to dawn on you maybe a week or so into the school year just how mundane you were - you never questioned your time spent skating or on extracurriculars, you never went against the order of things as dictated by only the most popular of your peers. That’s just what was done, what was always done. But after your ex dared to break up with you, you came to realize recently that maybe all of this wasn’t what you wanted - maybe it was time to start making some choices for yourself instead of worrying what your parents told you or what your peers thought or what to do to keep your boyfriend semi-happy.

So, you started to consider what exactly it was that you wanted. And that proved to be more challenging than you anticipated, which probably would have sounded extremely pathetic if you had said it to any of the people sitting next to you.

Did you like figure skating? Of course, it was your idea after all. What you didn’t like was the pressure from your mother to train and become an Olympian, a feat that was never your intention when you took up the sport at six years old. Besides, you told her, you were way past the age for trials, you’d never get in (or, at least, that’s what you told her, because how the hell would you know whether or not there was a cut off age).

Did you like your friends? You thought so - you’d known them virtually your entire life, so you never questioned your relationship with them. But proximity didn’t necessarily go hand-in-hand with likeability. Maybe some of them you actually liked, but the rest? No, they were just around because they always had been.

Did you like your relationship before Duncan broke up with you? No, probably not. Of course, your opinion of him and that entire relationship was soured now, but even at the time, you were probably just going through the motions, doing things that couples do without any real heart in it.

So… What did you want? What did you actually like?

It was jarring to realize that your entire life had been dictated and finely tuned for you from the moment you were born, that even the things you wanted had been molded into new shapes by your parents or your peers or your teachers.

Once you realized how little of your life was in your own hands, you couldn’t get it out of your head. You always saw yourself as someone who was in control, as someone who couldn’t be told shit. And yet, you came to realize that that was far from the truth. It was as if suddenly everything about your life was something you hated. You hated your classes, you hated your friends, you hated running in the same circle as your ex, you hated all your obligations. Through the first few weeks of senior year, all you felt was frustration, disinterest, and absolute boredom with everything around you. Something had to change. And during the bullshit student council meeting, you became determined to make it happen.

So, over the course of that boring as all hell meeting, you tried to figure out what you wanted, and how you were going to get it. You set a goal for yourself, silly but helpful considering the structure you were so accustomed to: you’d set your plan in motion on your birthday. New year, new you, right?

Once you gave yourself that deadline, you then had to think about what exactly you were trying to accomplish - yes, you wanted to make some major changes, you wanted to, in a way, become a new person, but how were you going to do that?

You settled on four key things to keep in mind:

You wanted to piss off your parents big time - your dad barely acknowledged your existence and your mom coddled you, so actually upsetting them would be a feat unto itself. You had to become so awful that even your mother would stop making excuses for you.

You needed to drop your friends - the more you thought about all the people you grew up alongside, the more you realized that you weren’t particularly interested  in relationships with any of them. Whether you made new friends or not wasn’t a priority, in fact you kind of liked the idea of just being left alone.

You had to figure out what you actually enjoyed - outside of skating, you had no idea what really interested you, what you would like to do with your life and your free time. You figured it was time to do some self reflection and focus on finding things that you’d actually enjoy.

And, most importantly, you had to get back at your ex. Yeah, it was stupid to be motivated by a boy, but nothing would make you happier than seeing him worked up and frustrated. Your focus wasn’t on trying to win him back or anything like that - you wanted to piss him off, to exact some kind of revenge for making you look like an idiot when he broke up with you at a party that all your friends had attended.

How you were going to accomplish these, however, was yet to be determined. But they were a damn good starting point, and they got you motivated to become an absolute nuisance to everyone around.

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The Friday following the student council meeting, you decided to first experiment with a little something, satiate a mild curiosity. To anyone else, it was probably the most mundane thing in the world, but to a high schooler who thought graduation was life or death, doing anything out of the ordinary felt nail-biting.

You were going to sit at a new lunch table.

You had just two days left until your birthday, until you’d officially set your plan in motion, so you still had a little more time to come up with something. So far, you couldn’t think of shit. You were already someone who was blunt and commanding and mean, whose thoughts and feelings were always on your face, so people were used to you being bossy and a little miserable - you couldn’t start being meaner or blunter, you just knew that wouldn’t be enough. Maybe you could start skipping class, maybe you could start flaking on friends, but somehow none of that felt like enough, like it wouldn’t make a statement. You had to really make an impression, to really set yourself up for a total ruination of your social status, you just hadn’t figured out how.

But a new lunch table was as good a starting point as any, right?

You chose a table at the far end of the lunchroom; customarily your group of friends, acquaintances, and ex sat centrally, surrounded by the jocks on one side and the academics on the other. The new table you chose was only occupied by two other people, a dorky little couple who looked at you funny when you sat as far from them as possible. In turn, you gave them an icy cold glare, prompting them to look away quickly, like you were a Medusa who could turn them to stone.

Your stupid little lunchroom plan was a bust, though. Five minutes into your peaceful lunch, your two closest friends, Amelia and Janet found you, each looking perplexed and put-off by your seat of choice. They looked around before lowering into the seats around you, their expression full of something akin to disgust, as if sitting at a different table was that offensive.

“What are we doing over here?” Amelia asked judgmentally, eyeing the couple at the opposite end of the table. Across the lunchroom, a few people (including Duncan) from your usual lunch table looked at you funny, “It’s like we’re exiled or something.”

So dramatic, you thought while staring harshly at her.

“Change of scenery.” You answered plainly, stabbing at the food in front of you. Amelia hummed in acknowledgement, but still made it quite clear that she didn’t agree with the decision.

“What, does this have something to do with Duncan?” She jabbed, receiving another nasty look from you, “So, he’s a jerk? Get over it.”

You should’ve known this idea was too simple to work. Of course they’d just follow you like the lemmings that they were, just as unable to make their own decisions as you were. Yeah, you definitely needed to try something bigger to scare them off.

Briefly, you thought that you could maybe tell them, just say point blank, “Amelia, Janet, I hate being around you and this friendship is done.” But, again, you figured that wouldn’t be good enough, that they’d laugh at your mean sense of humor even if you reiterated yourself. In this crowd, being mean was never enough to make your point, because all of you were nasty, not only to each other but to virtually everyone you met.

And despite your well-known attitude problem, you still cared about Amelia and Janet, flaws and all. These were the girls that you’d known since you were five years old, of course you worried about their feelings at least a little bit - nearly 13 years of friendship would do that to anyone. Guess you had more of a heart than you gave yourself credit for.

You definitely needed a foolproof plan to get out of this friendship, this social circle, this popular bubble that you’d always been trapped in. The friendship had to end without you saying so. You had to push them out until they finally gave up on you. Make it seem like it was their idea, that would definitely work on them.

As you schemed, Amelia and Janet chatted around you. Various acquaintances stopped by the table, all with the same question: what the hell were you guys doing sitting all the way out here? Even Duncan was amongst those that asked, trying to ignore the way you glared daggers at him. Amelia and Janet gave various responses, all of which put blame on you as if this simple little decision meant their utter ruination.

As Duncan was preparing to walk back to your usual lunch table, a commotion rose out in the hallway, the echo of rapid footfall drifting in through the doors. Multiple heads turned to face the cafeteria doors with curiosity, some people peeked out into the hall to check what the yelling was about, scurrying back to their friends to report what they’d seen. You, Amelia, Janet, and Duncan all waited silently, sharing raised brows and curious looks.

Not even a minute later, Eddie freaking Munson came crashing into the lunchroom, a look of total glee on his face as he cackled, not even remotely fazed by all the eyes on him. As he tumbled through the cafeteria doors, you jumped a little at the burst of sound. Eddie’s disruption turned everyone’s heads now, the lunchroom silent in shock and loathing as the resident outcast ran between tables, heading for the set of doors at the opposite end of the room. Your gaze was locked on the shit disturber as he blew past your table, carelessly running into Duncan in the process, but even that collision didn’t slow him down. Duncan yelled at him, but Eddie was focused on one goal, and if this were a cartoon you definitely would have seen dust kick up behind him from how quickly he was moving.

Not too far behind was Coach Miller, a look of absolute rage marring his puffy red face as he pursued Eddie. It didn’t even seem to cross his mind that he was making a fool of himself in front of the entire student body - his only focus was stopping the offender of whatever shenanigans currently pissed him off.

Your gaze turned back to the excited Eddie, an undeniable curiosity rising in you - what the hell did he do to piss off Coach Miller this bad? Sure, the coach was always pretty damn temperamental, but you couldn’t recall ever seeing him look quite this upset before.

Eddie paused at the cafeteria doors to turn and pull a mocking face at the coach before darting from the room, as if nothing in the world could touch him and he was unstoppable.

As Coach Miller disappeared after Eddie and students returned to their usual conversations, albeit with an air of awkwardness, you stared at the cafeteria doors thoughtfully.

That’s when an idea began to form.

You needed to take a page out of Eddie Munson’s book. If anyone in this school knew how to be a thorn in everyone’s side, it was him. So, you spent the remainder of your lunch brainstorming, trying to figure out how to channel even a sliver of Eddie’s energy; you only chimed into the conversation when someone spoke to you directly.

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In the middle of fifth period, you still weren’t quite sure what your game plan was, but you at least had a vague starting point. While your history teacher rambled on about some significant European war that you couldn’t begin to care about, you tapped your pencil as you thought about Eddie Munson (a sentence that very nearly grossed you out).

You’ve known about him since your freshman year - at the time, he was a year ahead of you, but since then he’d been held back. People always sneered when talking about him, as if Eddie was the most offensive thing they’d ever encountered, as if he was some kind of plague. He went against all social norms you’d learned up to that point, he was contradictory to everything you’d ever been taught about social conduct and likeability - he wore ratty clothes, listened to scary music, acted out in the most theatrical ways possible, and never seemed to give a shit what anyone thought.

You had never spoken to Eddie personally. Through the years you’d had a few classes together, including your math class this year, so you’ve witnessed some of his antics. But really, you knew nothing about the guy. Just the things that everyone else told you, and those things were nothing good. Whether or not Eddie was as bad as people said didn’t matter to you. His reputation was shit, and in this instance that’s exactly what you needed.

So, how were you going to ruin your senior year with the help of Eddie Munson? Well, at the very least, maybe you first had to have a conversation with him. It would be pretty stupid to walk up to him and go “hey, Munson, I know everyone here hates you, how about we chat and you make them hate me, too!”

Maybe you needed to find a way to hang out with him? Pretend to be friends long enough that the rest of the student body begins to ostracize you? With a little amused huff, an even worse thought crossed you: maybe you needed to pretend you were interested in Eddie Munson for a while, that was sure to piss just about everyone off. Especially Duncan.

But then the idea gave you pause.

You could not pretend to flirt with, or even date, Eddie fucking Munson. No chance in hell that would work. No way he would go for it, and no way you’d be able to tolerate him long enough to convince anyone that you were even remotely into him.

But… maybe?

Shit, what a stupid idea.

Or maybe it was a brilliant one.

You mulled it over a few minutes longer - if you were going to, somehow, convince Eddie Munson to pretend to date you, you needed to offer him something in exchange, that was obvious. You needed to give him a good reason to help you out, or this plan was never going to work. Its chances of success already seemed slim to none.

You had one idea, though you weren’t entirely certain if he’d go for it.

Your Uncle Tom was a cop, had been with the force your entire life - and you’d bet he’s probably had at least one run-in with Eddie. Maybe you’d tell Eddie that you could get cops to leave him alone, to stop watching him wearily whenever they were around. You couldn’t promise him too much, of course, but you knew at the very least that you could get your uncle to leave him alone. Or you could even take the fall here and there for whatever trouble Eddie inevitably lands himself in - what cop was stupid enough to arrest the niece of a cop and the daughter of a man who owned half of Hawkins?

It wasn’t foolproof, and you knew there were flaws to be found, but it just might work.

So, with your mind made up, you rip a scrap of paper from your notebook and scribble out a quick message:

Let’s make a deal. Sunday. You pick the time and place. Locker #436

You’d hoped that Eddie would be smart enough to realize that you wanted him to write you back, to drop his own stupid note in your locker so you could meet up and tell him your stupid, crazy idea. God, this better work.

You swiftly raise your hand in the air, giving a small impatient wave when your teacher didn’t acknowledge you right away, instead trying to focus on his lecture.

He rolled his eyes when he spotted your hand in the air, pointing at you and saying in an annoyed monotone, “What’s so important that you’re interrupting?”

Without any hesitation, you state bluntly, “Lady troubles.”

The teacher looks shocked by how plainly you stated it. But because it was you that said it and not someone else, your peers didn’t dare laugh, although a couple boys seemed to choke in surprise or amusement.

“Go, go…” Your teacher waved you off before continuing his lecture, wanting to forget the small interaction entirely.

You exited the room and roamed the halls confidently. Eddie’s locker wasn’t hard to miss - he was one of the students that decorated the metal with crude permanent marker sketches, and the school was too cheap to care about replacing or painting over it. As you approached Eddie’s locker, you checked around to make sure no one spotted you; it wasn’t as if you were committing a crime, but you didn’t need anyone wondering what you were up to in case this plan didn’t work.

So, you slipped the note into his locker, returned to class, and waited impatiently for the final bell of the day to ring, hoping that Eddie would actually stop by his locker and not just leave school without ever seeing your note.

When the end of the day came, it took everything in your power not to rush back to your own locker - just in case, you didn’t want him spotting you there. Why all the secrecy, you sure as hell didn’t know, but you nonetheless continued it.

So, you waited, stopping into the bathroom to check your makeup, walking with Amelia and Janet as they stopped at their own lockers. As the three of you exited the building and walked into the parking lot, you pretended to remember something, telling them that you needed to run back inside. You said your quick goodbyes and went back to wandering the halls, finally opening up your own locker.

It was stupid that your heart leapt when you saw a crudely torn piece of paper resting on top of some of your belongings.

You opened it quickly, eagerly reading the metalhead’s response:

Picnic table behind the football field, 4.

God, what were you getting yourself into.

[jennifer-jeong]

Hi there :)

Can I request some headcanons about Xiao and Wanderer (separated) with an old s/o? Like, they've been together for decades, but reader is a mortal and they're not, therefore they don't have many years left to live now that they're in their 80s. I would like something sweet but feel free to add some angst in it.

HI ANON TY FOR YOUR ASK! Ok so I’m literally goiNG TO CRY because I actually purposely make my own self insert immortal because this makes me so depressed but dw I will make it a fluffy happy ending. I would be unwell if I didn’t make it a happy ending LMAO

[Fluff + Slight Angst] [Xiao/Wanderer x Reader] Mortals

CONTENT Fluff, some angst, gender neutral reader, HAPPY ENDING WOO, CHARACTERS ARE 18+

XIAO has been alive for longer than he can genuinely remember and most of it was spent suffering alone. He’s scarred so deeply that even until the end of time, the marks will never fade. He can’t get rid of his past but you came along and he realized he could at least start to heal from the centuries of pain. Your time together has been the best years of his life and it makes his heart ache to think that you’re about to come and go before even living for a fraction of his life. He’s watched your mortal body age but he still thinks knows that you’re the prettiest thing he’ll ever encounter. Xiao has always treated his time with you like it was limited, even when you were younger. He’s been getting desperate recently though, your body has slowed down, and you’re well into your elderly years. He’s always wanted to ask you if he and Zhongli could help you with this, return you to your younger body and help you live forever. But, he thought it would hurt you. Immortality is more of a curse than a blessing and he of all people should know that. But as your health deteriorated, he started to plan how to ask you without pressuring you. Honestly, when he finally brought it up, you giggled at him and said “I didn’t even know you could do that.” He blinked as he realized how much time had passed and how he really had been avoiding it all these years. It was just somewhat unfathomable to a 2000 year old being that all these fun years with you had already been a few decades. He explains why he felt bad suggesting it, but you quickly comforted him and thanked him for even bringing it up. You said you needed some time to think about it but you knew that you wanted more time with your beloved. It’s near impossible for most people to find their soulmate and so since you found yours, you wanted to somewhat selfishly hold onto him as long as you could. Of course he secretly felt the same though. Your time together might end soon as the traveller discovers the underlying mysteries of the world or it could end millenia later. Either way, you knew you’d be able to face it, together.

WANDERER has been through so much over the past few centuries of his life and he’s believed his emotions have been so useless to him as he isn’t even human. His suffering, pain, and desire never made sense because he always lacked a heart. He thought he’d be doomed to this forever until he met you. You breathed life into his mechanical body and into his new anemo vision heart. He felt truly alive with you, it was like he was freshly born as a real man when you came into his life. He took a while to properly warm up to you before he could express himself in a healthy way but you always had the patience for him. The problem was that he couldn’t have the same patience, not because he wasn’t a healthy partner, but because your life had a definite end. He was impatient because he couldn’t lose you and he didn’t know what else to do. He consulted Nahida/his mom about it and she suggested using his body as a template to create a body for you. One that would last forever with him. He was immediately overjoyed to hear that there was hope and he almost forgot to consider that you might not want to live forever. He probably tries to gauge if you would want to by prodding you with small questions but you see straight through him. You know something’s up, and you tell him that you know there’s enough trust between you two for either of you to speak freely. So he does. You take some time to debate it and decide to do it because even if at some point you can’t take it, you’d talk to him about it and come up with a solution (but you doubt that'll come up <3). There was a lot going on in Teyvat at the moment but just knowing that you’d have more time gave both of you peace. He was worried that afterwards you might not be the same, and that you might become emotionally hollow. But you knew that with him there, you’d never feel any less alive. Even without your physical body, you both had your souls, and it was all you’d ever need.

Thank you for reading!

|| MASTERLIST <3 ||

[bitchiswild]

The Christmas Mission

Kim Chaewon x F!Reader

Warnings: fluff

Word Count: 4k

A/n: 👩‍👩‍👧🎄📝

*. ੈ✩‧₊˚

From the moment I took my first breath, my mom and mama cocooned me in an infinite embrace of love. Life with them was a kaleidoscope of joy—I lived in a world where everything was perfect. Our family might have been small, but in my eyes, it was an entire universe of happiness.

However, that world crumbled when they decided to part ways. I remember the day they sat me down, their voices laced with reassurance, explaining that they wouldn’t share the same home anymore. I was just a five-year-old then, and although they might've thought I didn't grasp the depth of their decision, I knew our lives were about to change irreversibly.

Their separation during those holiday seasons felt like a hurricane ripping through our traditions. Choosing between spending Thanksgiving or Christmas with mommy or mama was an impossible choice. It felt unfair because all I wanted was to see us together, laughing, and sharing those special moments.

So, I devised a plan, a beacon of hope I called The Christmas Mission. I knew deep in my seven-year-old heart that if I could bring them together again, our family could be whole once more. With determination blazing in my eyes, I reached out to Auntie Yunjin, using mama's phone for secrecy. She chuckled softly at my boldness but agreed to help. Auntie Yunjin and I both sensed an unspoken truth—deep within Mama's heart, there lingered a love that hadn't faded for Mommy. And so, The Christmas Mission was a go.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

Throughout the entire year, I mulled over a meticulous plan, carefully orchestrating it with Auntie Yunjin's invaluable guidance. We decided to set the wheels in motion come September, giving us a precious three-month window to reunite Mommy and Mama.

My strategy was simple yet profound—I wanted Mommy and Mama to reminisce about their past together. Each night, just before bedtime, I would implore Mommy to share stories of their shared history, the moments that stitched their lives together. It was a chance for her to reflect on their beautiful past.

And when I was at Mama's house, I followed the same routine, coaxing her to delve into their cherished memories. Those stories were like fragments of a once-perfect puzzle, scattered but holding the promise of reunification.

"Mommy, can you tell me the story of how you knew you loved mama?" I asked, my voice tinged with a mixture of anticipation and earnestness.

"Alina, I've recounted this tale to you countless times," Mommy replied, a soft chuckle escaping her lips.

"I know, but I love it so much," I insisted, pouting slightly, hoping to nudge her into sharing the cherished memory once more.

"Alright, alright," Mommy relented with a smile, knowing she couldn't resist my plea. "It was during winter," she began, a nostalgic glimmer dancing in her eyes.

It was a whirlwind of activity during winter for idols like Chaewon, schedules packed to the brim with performances and practices. Despite the bustling chaos, Chaewon made a conscious effort to carve out time for us. Our relationship had blossomed over the past three months, the connection growing stronger with each passing day, yet neither of us had mustered the courage to vocalize those three important words.

Before each performance or practice, like clockwork, Chaewon would drop a message, a reassuring beacon in the midst of her hectic schedule. Whether she was en route to work or headed back home, she made sure to keep me in the loop, a constant stream of updates that helped bridge the distance between us.

But amidst her gestures, I sensed her guilt. She knew I often waited for her at the dorm, eager to be by her side. The longing for her presence was palpable, and it seemed mirrored in her own desire to break free from her commitments and just be with me. Her concern for my waiting was a testament to her genuine affection, a silent testament to the emotions yet unspoken between us.

As the holidays drew nearer, a gift arrived in the form of a lighter schedule for Chaewon. Suddenly, she had pockets of time, and those moments became our sanctuary. Nights were no longer dictated by tight rehearsals or packed calendars; instead, they were ours to relish. We'd stay awake, wrapped in the glow of movie screens, concocting treats not just for us but for her fellow group members as well. We immersed ourselves in all those quintessential couple activities, indulging in the sweetness of shared moments.

Then came that overdue date—a special occasion Chaewon orchestrated. It was her chance to lavish me with affection, to express her gratitude for my unwavering support and presence. How could I have possibly said no to her thoughtful gesture? After all, my love for her was steadfast and unwavering.

Our date unfolded like a cherished fairytale. We delved into the vibrant tapestry of Seoul, relishing delicious street food, diving into spontaneous activities, and capturing our laughter in photographs. It was a day painted with hues of perfection, but the canvas of our happiness expanded when she bared her heart.

Amidst the pulsating energy of the city, she turned to me, her eyes brimming with an affection that needed no words to convey its depth. And then, in a moment that echoed amidst the bustling streets, she whispered those three words that altered the rhythm of our universe: "I love you." Those words, so simple yet carrying the weight of an entire galaxy of emotions, wrapped around me like a warm embrace. Feeling the intensity of that moment, I leaned in, closing the gap between us, and our lips met in a tender, affirming kiss. It was a moment suspended in time, a testament to the love we shared, marking one of the top three moments etched in our hearts.

As I sat there, wrapped in the warmth of Mommy's story, my laughter danced in the air while my feet playfully kicked beneath me. In the midst of her storytelling, I caught glimpses of both nostalgia and a hint of sadness lingering in her eyes. Yet, amidst those emotions, there was something more profound—a glimmer of an enduring love she still held for Mama.

The realization that my plan was gaining traction filled me with an indescribable joy. It was working! The threads of their shared past, spun through Mommy's tales, were weaving a tapestry that rekindled something beautiful between them. That glimmer of love, buried beneath the layers of time and change, now danced vibrantly before my eyes.

In that moment, I felt like a silent architect, subtly nudging their hearts to remember what they once had. It was a fragile yet powerful realization, fueling my determination to see my Christmas mission through to its heartwarming conclusion.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

"Mama, can you pleaseeeee tell me the story of when you proposed to mommy? Pleaseeeeee," I pleaded, my hands clasped together in an emphatic display.

"Of course, baby. Just so you know, it was one of my favorite days," Mama replied with a wink, a gentle smile playing on her lips as she settled into the memory, ready to weave the tale for me.

With bated breath, I listened as Mama began, her voice laced with a nostalgic tenderness that painted vivid images in my mind. Her words carried me to a moment frozen in time, a snapshot of their love story, as she recounted the beautiful chapter of when she proposed to Mommy.

The air crackled with nervous anticipation as Chaewon prepared for the pivotal moment of her life—proposal day. Three years had woven an unbreakable bond between us, and for her, it was the perfect juncture to pledge eternity by your side. You were her world, the axis around which her universe spun, and she couldn't fathom a life without you.

Her meticulous plan had been meticulously crafted, with the assistance of her fellow members, especially Yunjin, who shared a special bond with you. Yunjin's role in the plan was crucial—to distract you throughout the day, giving Chaewon and the rest of the girls the space and time needed to prepare every intricate detail. Everything had to be flawless, just like the love you shared.

As the designated hour drew near, with Yunjin leading me back, all the preparations were set in motion. The stage was meticulously arranged, every element carefully placed to create an atmosphere of magic and love, a space where Chaewon would bare her heart and soul. The energy hummed with anticipation, every detail polished to perfection, all for that one unforgettable moment.

The room seemed to hold its breath, cocooned in an atmosphere pregnant with emotion. Chaewon stood in the center, her heart an orchestra of nerves and unwavering love. The ambiance, carefully crafted with twinkling candles and delicate touches, paled in comparison to the radiance emanating from her.

As Yunjin guided me into the transformed space, my breath hitched in wonder. It was as though the room itself was a canvas painted with the hues of Chaewon's adoration—a breathtaking masterpiece dedicated to our love.

But amidst the beauty, it was Chaewon who commanded attention, her eyes, shimmering with anticipation and vulnerability, locking onto mine. In that charged moment, her voice, soft yet resolute, began to weave a narrative of our shared journey.

"Y/n," she uttered, her voice quivering with unspoken passion. "These years beside you have been my universe, a symphony of laughter, comfort, and an unyielding anchor. You are my everything."

Step by step, she closed the distance between us, reaching for my trembling hand, our souls connected in an unspoken embrace. "Today, amid the echoes of our love, I stand here with a question burning in my heart," she continued, her voice an ethereal whisper carrying the weight of a thousand emotions. "Will you walk this path with me? Will you choose to share your tomorrows with me, painting our story in the canvas of time? Will you marry me?"

Tears shimmered in our eyes, mirroring the overwhelming surge of emotions coursing through us. "Yes," You managed to choke out, your voice trembling with raw emotion, but every syllable dripping with love and certainty.

In that hallowed moment, surrounded by the tender flicker of candles and the symphony of our hearts beating as one, Chaewon slid a ring onto your finger—a circle representing an unbroken promise, a vow to weather every storm together. It was a moment when time stood still, a crescendo of emotions intertwining, marking the genesis of our forever.

The weight of Mama's story settled like a heavy mist, veiling the room in bittersweet nostalgia. Her words carried the weight of regret and longing, painting a picture of a love that had weathered storms but succumbed to the relentless demands of her schedule.

Tears blurred my vision as I wrapped my arms around Mama, her vulnerability tugging at my heartstrings. "You know, Mommy still loves you, right?" I whispered, trying to offer solace amidst the sea of emotions.

Mama's response carried the weight of resignation, a silent acceptance veiled in her words. "No, she doesn't, not anymore. And I'm okay with that. I just want her to be happy," she murmured, the ache in her voice echoing the depth of her love.

But I couldn't bear to see Mama resigned to a love lost. With a newfound determination, I revealed my secret plan, the clandestine scheme that had been brewing in my young heart for the past few months. The confession hung in the air, a revelation poised to reshape their world.

Chaewon's confusion pierced the moment. "What do you mean, a plan?" she queried, her eyes searching mine for answers.

I gazed at her, my cheeks flushing with the weight of my revelation. "For the past three months, I've been coaxing both of you to share stories of your past," I admitted, my voice quivering with a mix of anxiety and hope. "I wanted to rekindle the feelings you have for each other."

Mama's initial shock dissolved into a burst of laughter, the sound filling the room with unexpected warmth. "You, my clever baby, are quite the little schemer," she teased, tickling me playfully, coaxing joyous laughter from deep within me.

In that moment, amidst shared laughter and gentle teasing, I glimpsed a spark of hope flickering in Mama's eyes, a glimmer of possibilities woven by the innocence and determination of a child's heart.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

It was the moment of truth—I had Mama fully on board with our secret mission. Now, the final act of our plan was set in motion, and I was the lead actress in this grand performance.

With a mischievous glint in my eye, I switched on the blow dryer and directed its warm air to my forehead, feigning the onset of a fake sickness. I knew one thing for sure—Mommy was a whirlwind of concern when it came to taking care of her sick daughter.

"Mommy," I croaked out, playing my part with as much conviction as I could muster.

"Oh, Alina, sweetheart, what's wrong?" Mommy's worry was palpable, her pacing back and forth a testament to her genuine concern for me.

Pretending to be in distress, I murmured, "Call Mama, I want Mama," sniffling to add authenticity to my performance.

As expected, Mommy's concern deepened, and she dialed Mama without hesitation. Mama arrived swiftly, true to the script, while I sat upstairs, ready to play my next part.

"Okay, Mama, I'll pretend to sleep while you have a heart-to-heart with Mommy," I instructed eagerly, feeling like a clandestine agent about to execute a crucial plan.

Mama chuckled at my enthusiasm. "Sure thing, stinker," she said affectionately, ruffling my hair before slipping downstairs to engage Mommy in a conversation that I hoped would rekindle their feelings.

As I lay there, pretending to be asleep, my heart raced with anticipation. This was the moment where the threads of our plan would intertwine, where Mama's words would work their magic in Mommy's heart. It was a scene straight out of a movie, and I was the director behind the curtains, waiting for the climax to unfold.

Quiet as a mouse, I crept to the top of the stairs, my heart pounding with both excitement and nervousness. Peering through the banister's gaps, I listened intently, the hushed tones of Mama and Mommy's conversation drifting up to where I stood.

Their voices, a blend of familiarity and a hint of something deeper, carried a weight of emotions. Mama's gentle words mingled with Mommy's tentative responses, and it was like listening to a symphony, each note resonating with the cadence of their shared history.

Mama's voice, soft yet filled with a wellspring of emotions, carried stories of their past, moments cherished and remembered. She painted a canvas with her words, a tapestry woven with love, laughter, and shared experiences that seemed to transcend time.

As I eavesdropped, I couldn't help but feel a surge of hope. Mama's tales were like tendrils reaching out to rekindle the spark that had once blazed between them. Mommy's responses, though cautious, held a touch of nostalgia and perhaps a flicker of the love that had never truly faded.

It was a delicate dance of emotions, unfolding like a carefully scripted scene. In that quiet space, I was witness to a silent dialogue, a conversation between two hearts seeking to bridge the distance that had grown between them.

Every word spoken was a thread weaving back the tapestry of their shared love, and as I listened, I dared to hope that our plan was working, that the fragments of their past were reawakening something beautiful between Mama and Mommy.

Alina observed from her hidden vantage point, a silent witness to the delicate exchange between Mama and Mommy downstairs. Meanwhile, in another corner of the house, Y/n and Chaewon found themselves in an intimate moment, the air thick with unspoken sentiments.

Chaewon stood by the window, her eyes tracing the contours of the room but her thoughts elsewhere, entangled in a tapestry of memories and unsaid words. You approached your feelings, feeling the weight of years of separation and longing.

"Chaewon," You began, your voice laced with vulnerability and a torrent of emotions.

She turned towards me, and in that moment, the unspoken love that had lingered for so long seemed to spill from our eyes. "Y/n," she responded, her voice a whisper laden with hope and yearning.

Each word carried the weight of our unexpressed feelings. "Despite the passage of time, my love for you has never wavered," You confessed, your voice trembling with the depth of your emotions.

Chaewon's gaze softened, a shimmer of unshed tears reflecting the depth of her feelings. "The love I have for you remains unchanged, a constant amidst the changing tides of life," she admitted, her voice a tender echo of our shared affection.

In that vulnerable exchange, our hearts beat in unison, a symphony of love and longing. With trembling hands, we reached out to each other, fingers intertwining in a silent promise, a silent vow to explore the resurgence of a love that had endured the test of time.

Embraced in each other's arms, our connection felt like a melody, harmonizing with the quiet transformation taking place downstairs between us. It was a moment of tender revelation, a shared confession that spoke volumes of the love rekindled, echoing the quiet whispers of reconciliation weaving through the house.

In that vulnerable exchange, as our emotions swirled like an unstoppable tide, a silent understanding passed between us. Without words, but with a depth of feeling that words could never capture, we leaned closer.

Chaewon's breath mingled with mine, our hearts racing in unison as our lips met in a tender, long-awaited kiss. It was a moment suspended in time, a communion of souls reconnecting after a prolonged separation.

The touch of her lips against mine held the weight of unspoken confessions, the echo of years of longing, and the promise of a future rekindled. It was a kiss that spoke of unspoken vows and a renewed commitment, sealing the unbreakable bond we shared.

As we drew apart, the room seemed to hold its breath, the air charged with the unspoken promises hanging between us. The soft brush of our fingers lingered, a silent reassurance that our hearts had found their way back to each other.

In that tender moment, amidst the quiet intimacy, our embrace conveyed a story of rediscovery and a love reignited. It echoed the hushed whispers of reconciliation downstairs, a parallel journey of two hearts finding solace and hope in the embrace of love rediscovered.

“YES!” The joyous exclamation escaped me before I could contain it, echoing through the house. Quickly realizing my outburst, I covered my mouth, eyes wide with a mix of excitement and surprise. Mama's chuckle washed over me, her voice calming despite my momentary panic.

"Alina, sweetheart, come down here," Mama beckoned, her tone gentle and reassuring. Sheepishly, I descended the stairs, finding them wrapped in a warm embrace, the sight filling my heart with boundless happiness.

"Are you two together again?" I blurted out, unable to contain my curiosity and excitement.

Their laughter filled the room, a harmonious blend of emotions. "Yes and no," Mommy replied with a playful smile. "Your mama here has to take me on a date first."

My eyes lit up with excitement. "Can I plan it like I've planned to get you two back together?" I pleaded eagerly, the prospect of being the architect of their reconciliation sparking a newfound enthusiasm within me.

The sudden realization flickered across Mommy's face, a mix of surprise and intrigue. Her raised eyebrows prompted a moment of shared trepidation between Mama and me, unsure of her reaction.

"What do you mean?" Mommy's voice held a note of curiosity, urging me to explain.

Gathering my courage, I confessed, "Yes, I've had everyone in on the plan, even Mama. I orchestrated everything—the stories, the reminiscing about your past together—to rekindle your feelings for each other." There was a brief pause as I awaited Mommy's response.

She gazed at both of us, a mixture of astonishment and amusement crossing her features. "Chaewon, our daughter is remarkably smart," Mommy exclaimed, her tone a blend of surprise and pride.

"That's what I've been saying! When she told me her plan, I was shocked myself because it was actually working," Mama chimed in, her laughter blending with Mommy's, the tension dissipating into shared amusement.

The confession, once met with apprehension, now became a moment of shared laughter and revelation. It was a testament to the power of a child's earnest desire to see her parents rediscover their love, and it seemed our efforts hadn't gone unnoticed.

The air buzzed with joy as Mommy and Mama enveloped me in a warm embrace, their arms a cocoon of love and gratitude. They peppered me with kisses, their laughter mingling with mine in a symphony of happiness.

Giggles escaped me uncontrollably, a chorus of joy that echoed the newfound harmony in our family. In that tender moment, encircled by their love, I felt a profound sense of contentment knowing that our journey had brought us back together.

Their affectionate gestures spoke volumes, a silent testament to the rekindled love that now flourished between them. It was a scene painted with warmth, laughter, and the reassurance that our bond was stronger than ever.

With hearts brimming with love, we stood united—a family reunited by the unwavering devotion of a daughter and the enduring love between two souls finding their way back to each other.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

The anticipation of Christmas filled the air with an infectious excitement, and in the midst of this joyous occasion, I shared a heartfelt wish with Mommy and Mama—a desire for a little sibling. Their surprise at my request was evident, gently explaining that it might be a bit too soon since they had only reunited a month ago. However, they promised to consider it.

On that magical Christmas day, amidst a sea of gifts from everyone, a particular box from Mommy and Mama caught my eye. With bated breath, I opened it, revealing a shirt with the words "Big Sister" printed on it. I couldn't contain my excitement—I jumped and squealed with unbridled joy. "I'm going to be a big sister!" I exclaimed, elation coursing through me.

Mommy and Mama chuckled at my exuberance, but as I rushed to them, tears began to well up in my eyes. Mama gently wiped away my tears, concern etched on her face. "What's wrong, baby? I thought you were happy?" she inquired, while Mommy held me close, offering comfort.

Amidst my sobs, I tried to explain. "I'm just so happy... our family is back together. It's all I've ever wanted for the past two years," I sobbed out, my emotions a whirlwind of overwhelming joy and gratitude.

Their arms around me felt like a fortress of love, a sanctuary where all my hopes and dreams had finally converged. In that poignant moment, the gift of their love and our reunited family outweighed any present under the Christmas tree. It was a moment etched in the tapestry of our lives, one of heartfelt emotions and the joy of a wish fulfilled.

In that moment, held tight within the embrace of Mommy and Mama, amidst the glow of Christmas lights, my heart felt like it could burst with overwhelming emotions. Their love enveloped me, a cocoon of warmth and acceptance that healed every fracture within me. It wasn't just about the joy of soon becoming a big sister; it was the depth of love that had mended the pieces of our fractured family.

Tears of sheer happiness streamed down my face, each drop a testament to the overwhelming gratitude and love I held for them. This Christmas, painted in hues of reconciliation and hope, etched an indelible mark on my soul. It was a chapter of our lives wrapped in the embrace of forgiveness, renewal, and the promise of new beginnings. As we stood there, united and filled with unspoken promises, I knew that this Christmas would forever linger in the tender corners of my heart as a testament to the healing power of love.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

[ssahotchnerr]

aftermath;

the consequences or aftereffects of a significant unpleasant event.

part 1 cw; begins right after 5x10, mentions of death, grieving, mention of food/alcohol

a/n; buckle up!! get ready for slowburn, angst, and everything that comes in between!!!!! AND AHH my first series!! i hope y'all enjoy <3 please feel free let me know all your thoughts as we embark on this journey together! this part is more background based before we really dive in - it's very important to the overall plot!

series masterlist | masterlist | wc; 1.7k

-

haley was a stranger. to you, at least.

you've encountered her once, maybe twice, but only in passing. the two of you had never a full conversation, just merely acknowledged each other's presence as appropriate. it was as insignificant as any basic encounter one would have on the street, but you remembered it clearly, almost too vividly. you deemed it as a result of recent occurrences, or hotch's current leave of absence, but the memory wouldn't stop repeating itself over and over again in your mind.

dinner parties at rossi's were common. if the ever so thoughtful serial killers allowed for it and granted a weekend off, the team would congregate at dave's. dave would make whatever grand Italian dish he had up his sleeves, the lot of you would bring appetizers, and then enjoy a night of relaxation together, as those with normal lives would. when you first joined the bau, over a year ago now, you hadn't expected a dynamic similar to this. former colleagues of yours were distant, cold, and treated personal lives as a taboo. they didn't want to be on friendly terms, they refused to be.

an outsider would call these dinners team bonding, previously you would, and while that could be true, that's not what it was exactly. it was a family affair, you all were family.

and as a result, it only made sense jack had a standing invitation. along with will, henry, sometimes kevin.

you could picture jack running around the backyard, kicking around a soccer ball. it was after dinner, and you could vaguely hear hotch calling out to him, reminding him to slow down as they had just ate. that night, jack had been so lively with energy, completely oblivious to the horrors of the world. if you could go back in time, you would do anything in your power to conserve that for him. no one that young should face what he had, no one should regardless. like this particular memory, you couldn't shake the solemn expression glued on his face at haley's funeral, nor the image of him hoisted on hotch's side, saying their final goodbyes at the cemetery. you could only guess, but you believed that while he didn't understand what exactly had occurred, he knew his mom was gone, and she wasn't coming back.

it was strange, that haley was gone, you had just seen her not too long ago. there was also a distinct shift in the world, it seemed. like everything would no longer be the same.

it was a few weeks before she and jack had to go into isolation, that night at dave's, and haley had picked up jack. she greeted everyone as she entered the backyard, where you were all frequenting the back patio, a friendly smile on her face. forced or genuine, you didn't know. jack excitedly ran up to her, not hesitating to launch himself into her arms. as he did so, hotch slowly approached her, before they sauntered off to the side, exchanging quiet words. you were too far away to hear, which was fine, it wasn't your place to anyway. but that didn't mean you couldn't see them.

you hadn't meant to stare, but something about hotch had piqued your interest; you couldn't tear your sight away from him even if you tried.

it was the look in his eyes. the expression on his face.

hotch never showed emotions, genuine emotions, as everyone and anyone knew. not in the office, not in the field, and they were tame in the instances of family dinners, going out for drinks, etc.. while he was more laidback, he still had a professionalism about him.

this was different, and maybe it was the profiler in you, but you knew what it was. it was clear.

he still loved haley, probably no less than the day he had first fallen for her. his face had softened, his body language was indicating he wanted to move closer, but his better judgement and feet refused to let him. he didn't break eye contact once, his eyes longing for something, but there was also an acceptance in them.

this was want she wanted, and so, he was giving it to her. hotch wasn't happy, but he would stop at nothing to make sure she was. his expression, you then realized, was a ghost of his past; a past love that had faltered. you had tried to imagine the two of them, young and in love.

suddenly you found yourself wishing that somehow, they would find a resolution, a way to make things work. if hotch was one thing to go off of, what they had was as real as love could possibly get, a love only the luckiest of people can encounter. you found yourself wishing that someday, someone would look at you the way hotch looked at haley.

as you tried to sleep at night, this memory blocked any possibility of sleeping.

you hurt for their family of three, despite not knowing any of them very well. again, you've only encountered haley, but found yourself wishing you had gotten to know her. maybe it would help you understand.

jack; he's always been polite to you, in the few times you had seen him. you hoped it wouldn't take long for the liveliness to enter him again, if it was gone. he was too young.

but hotch, you found yourself hurting for him the most.

maybe it was because you had witnessed such a moment between him and haley. part of you felt guilty for it, as it wasn't your moment to take. but your heart ached for him; you were aching for his aching heart. you couldn't imagine how he must've felt; the aftermath he had no choice but to face.

she had been the one for him. the one. from what you've been told, she was his high school sweetheart, the one he pictured himself being with forever. they had agreed; through sickness and in health, til death do we part. when they stood there and vowed that very thing, they had no idea. no idea that parting would come sooner as opposed to later, in the most horrific way imaginable.

you would never forget the sight of him, crumbled on the ground as derek pulled him away from foyet. it was a foreign sight to see, hotch at his breaking point. part of you thought that maybe, he wasn't capable of breaking.

you knew you weren't the only one- worried about him. the entirety of the team was, and rightfully so. everyone was trying to figure out how to navigate this- how to best help him. but hotch was, well, hotch. he didn't seem like the person who accepted help, even if he needed it. it was an unspoken agreement between everyone, the best way to help was give him space, as much as you disliked it. he's always been kind to you, to everyone, granting assistance and more whenever needed- no matter what the situation entailed. didn't he deserve the same? didn't he need the same?

you couldn't shake the uneasiness in your chest, it was a different kind of feeling, and it was buried within you. it didn't want to resurface, but it was making its presence evidently known.

you didn't even know hotch that well; you barely knew him. so why?

whatever it was, it kept you up at night, tossing and turning until the sun was peeking over the horizon, announcing a new day. recently, the sunrise has lost its beauty, you found it rather mocking.

another day full of unknowns was about to begin.

-

"hey," you offered penelope a weak smile as you entered the bullpen, stifling a yawn. "morning."

"here sunshine," penelope handed her own cup of coffee over to you without a second thought. "you look like you need this way more than i do."

you graciously accepted, breathing in it's sweet aroma as you began to head to your desk, "this better do the trick. i could fall asleep standing up right now, honestly."

"oh, believe me, it will," penelope chucked softly, linking her arm with yours as she walked alongside you. "there's about four espresso-"

"wait," you interrupted as you stopped in your tracks, your gaze locked in front of you. "hotch is back?"

sure enough the door to his office was open, the lights on. the blinds were still drawn, but you could make out his silhouette behind them, seated at his desk. no, it was too soon.

"he's back." she confirmed, a sigh escaping her lips. "he got here about an hour ago.

"but it's been..." you stammered, shaking your head as you voiced your thoughts. "it's too soon."

"good luck telling him that," penelope's voice lowered softly, a sorrowfulness falling overtop, "but maybe, this is just what he needs."

silence fell overtop of you, your mind spinning. the past few days, what had happened was the talk of the bullpen, meaning everyone's opinions were surfacing. some believed hotch wouldn't come back, on account of jack. some believed he would at some point, in a matter of months, maybe even years. it was common knowledge that strauss had gone to talk to him, but the outcome of the conversation was unknown. would she tell him not to come back? would she convince him not to if he were merely questioning it?

it didn't make sense, but it made complete sense. of course, he would return. this was him, this was who he was. but you couldn't bring yourself to understand.

"is he okay?" you quietly wondered aloud, your voice being nearly drowned out by all the other sounds in the room. you knew she wouldn't have the answer, no one did, except the person you were referring to. and what did he believe? did he even think he was? was he actually ever going to be?

"i don't know, i really don't." she sighed, "but... he and haley were separated for a while, maybe... i don't know. maybe he doesn't need much time."

the spitting image of hotch gazing at haley filled your mind, almost taking you by surprise from the abruptness.

you could only shake your head at penelope's words, placing your belongings down.

no, you didn't believe that for a second. you refused to.

[alittlebitofloveliness]

5, 14, 15, 17

More outsiders asks? Heck yeah!

5. What are your favourite ships?

a) Curly Shepard x Ponyboy Curtis- idk why other than the fact that fanon Curly seems to balance out Ponyboy perfectly, and that I read a Curly fit on ffn when I was like fifteen that fundamentally changed my brain chemistry

b) Steve Randle x Sodapop Curtis- I don’t like any other within gang ship but Soda and Steve make sense to me and ngl my closeted ass clocked them as gay when I was reading the book because of the ‘pillow fight’ scene. I genuinely answered a comprehension question in class like ‘Ponyboy’s naïveté is shown through the fact he believes soda never drinks and that Soda and Steve were having a pillow fight when they slept together’ and my teacher had to be like oh sweetie no….

c) Marcia x Two-bit Matthews- Not a HUGE fan but they had such chemistry and I wish that could’ve been explored. I’m actually working on a fit about them rn, just because I wanna explore Marcia’s psyche. She was fun :)

14. Five headcanons I basically see as canon

a) Steve is secretly SUPER protective of Ponyboy, partially because he knows Sodapop would never be ok if something ever happened to Pony and he couldn’t stand it if Soda’s spark ever went out, but also because he wants Ponyboy to have the happy childhood he never had.

b) Darry absolutely dotes on Ponyboy, even though he’s strict, he’s lenient about letting Pony go places and works overtime to make sure he can afford to get Ponyboy everything he needs (and some stuff he simply wants), especially after Windrixville.

c) Johnny Cade is scary looking. Full stop. The gang just doesn’t see him that way so it doesn’t show in Ponyboy’s narration

d) Dallas Winston had a good mom and a happy childhood and her death was the catalyst that made him into the hoodlum he was.

e) Sodapop Curtis absolutely drinks, Ponyboy just doesn’t believe he does and Soda is not anxious to correct him because he doesn’t want Ponyboy to see him differently

15. Five headcanons that are entirely self-indulgent

a) Angela Shepard and Curly Shepard have to share a room because Tim refuses to share with anyone. Neither of them actually hates it half as much as they pretend they do.

b) Part of why Curly and Ponyboy became close was because Ponyboy was struggling with getting over his concussion, and the side effects were really stressful for him (dizzy spells, blurry vision, absentmindedness) and Curly kinda helped him with it because Curly spent 90% of his childhood concussed so he knew what Pony was going through

c) Tim Shepard and Sylvia are best friends and would kill for each other but not die for each other. However, they would avenge each other’s deaths.

d) Steve Randle wishes more than anything in the world that Darry Curtis was actually his irl older brother 

e) Two-bit’s little sister HATES Ponyboy Curtis because her older brother spends more time playing older brother to him than he spends actually being an older brother to her.

17. Are there any criticisms or salt you have with the book?

My criticisms with the book lie with the author. SE Hinton has proven to be homophobic and racist, and its written into the book, which is my biggest issue. I love the story of The Outsiders but do not want to support Hinton or her harmful, bigoted ideology under any circumstances. (For anyone out there who wants a copy of the book but doesn’t want to support Hinton, you can find a free pdf online, all you gotta do is google it)

On a slightly lighter note, I would have loved to have seen more of the female characters in the book. Marcia in particular had so much potential, and I wish we’d seen one actual scene with Sandy or Sylvia.

Thanks for the ask!!!!!

[ctitan98official]

@alexander-23 : Ok ok ok ok sooooooooooo! How are we feeling about foster kid reader who really likes plants and sculpting with model clay to make things for her plants like lil mushrooms and stuff. Larissa is fostering her and they have a day to garden and reader shows her the little mushrooms, bunnies, garden gnomes, and more they made and they make a lil garden village scene there together.

I love this! Reader, as usual, is gender-neutral. Let’s get into it!

Life has definitely not dealt you any favors. You never knew your parents or had any relatives. You’d always been in the foster system and had it rough growing up. You felt like a burden, like something in other people’s way. You try to talk as little as possible, especially to your foster parents. You don’t want to annoy anyone.

However… Your newest foster mom is decidedly different from any you’ve had before. Larissa Weems… She’s actually the headmistress of a prestigious high school called Nevermore. She not only took you in when you needed a place to stay, but was even able to get you enrolled. While the school normally doesn’t admit students in the middle of a semester, your grades are impeccable and the school made an exception. They simply had to have such a bright student. You’d never felt so… Special before. Larissa had the proudest smile on her face when she told you that you would be going to Nevermore. “We’ll get to be together all the time, darling!” She gushed.

You gave her a shy smile and nervously nodded, feeling a little overwhelmed. There’s a lot of changes happening.

Larissa has been so sweet. She cooks for you, does your laundry, and she loves to talk to you and tell you stories. While you don’t speak a lot, your eyes are wide with wonder at how good of a storyteller she is.

Larissa can see the curious spark in your eyes and knows you will one day grow up to do something great. She just needs to find a way to get you out of your shell. You’re still acclimating to your new environment, but Larissa really wishes you’d open up to her more. She knows that your past experiences color your view of the world, understandably so, but she wants to show you that there are people who genuinely care about you, herself included. In fact, it’s so strange, but ever since she met you she felt a deep connection. Almost as if you two complete each other. When she got the call that you would be placed in her care, she cried a bit. You’re just such a good kid and she only wants the best for you. She had always wanted to be a mom and you made that dream come true.

A few weeks into you starting at Nevermore, Larissa decides that you two could use some quality time together. She gets you out of classes for the day and lets you pick how you want to spend it. You’ve never had a lot of free time. You always have to fit yourself into other people’s schedules. But, Larissa’s eyes are soft with affection as she looks at you, her voice gentle and warm. “What would you like to do today, my dear? I want to make it special for you.”

You panic for a moment, not sure what to say. You shift your weight nervously, fiddling with the edge of your shirt. The idea of suggesting something fills you with both excitement and fear. You take a deep breath, mustering your courage, and finally speak up. “Um, well, I actually really enjoy gardening. It’s… It’s something I do when I need some… Peace.”

Larissa’s smile widens and she gently places a hand on your arm. “That sounds absolutely lovely. I adore gardening too. It’s such a calming activity. Let’s make it happen, Y/N.”

You can’t help but feel relieved. The fact that Larissa is genuinely interested in your idea fills you with a sense of validation. A small smile tugs at the corners of your lips as you begin to feel more comfortable. You grab your backpack that you bring everywhere and nod at her.

As you head outside, Larissa walks beside you and gently takes your hand in her own. Her presence is comforting and reassuring. She looks at you with a twinkle in her eyes. “Where do you think we should start, darling?” She asks.

Your hesitation returns momentarily, but then you remember the secluded patch of soil you’ve been carefully tending. You glance at Larissa. “I… Actually have kind of a secret garden. It’s not much, but… I’ve been working on it for a while.”

Larissa’s eyes widen with curiosity and delight. “A secret garden? How enchanting! I’d love to see it. Lead the way!”

Your heart swells as you guide Larissa to your hidden oasis. As you reach it, you show her the array of vibrant flowers that you’ve nurtured with tender care.

Larissa’s breath catches. “Y/N… This is beautiful. You did all of this yourself?” She asks.

You nod, feeling glad that she approves. A small part of you worried that she would be angry at you for using her garden planter without asking her first. But, she seems in awe of your work. She looks over each plant and marvels at how well you did.

But, there’s more to your garden than just plants. You take a deep breath and reach into your bag, retrieving the small sculptures you’ve meticulously crafted from modeling clay.

Larissa’s eyes widen in amazement as you present the tiny creations—Mushrooms, bunnies, and garden gnomes. She delicately picks up one of the miniature sculptures, inspecting its intricate details. “Oh my goodness, these are absolutely delightful, darling! You have such a talent.”

A blush creeps up your cheeks at Larissa’s words. She appreciates the things you create, the pieces of your imagination that you’ve brought to life. It’s a powerful moment of connection and understanding.

Together, you and Larissa carefully place the sculptures throughout the garden, weaving them into the natural beauty of the surroundings. Each addition enhances the atmosphere, transforming your secret garden into a whimsical village scene.

As you work side by side, Larissa’s gentle guidance and curiosity for your sculptures make you feel safe and valued. In her company, your shyness slowly melts away, replaced by a growing sense of comfort and trust.

As the day progresses, you find yourself opening up to Larissa, sharing your thoughts, dreams, and aspirations. She listens attentively, offering kind words of support. The bond between you strengthens with every word and you begin to realize that Larissa’s feelings for you go beyond anything you’ve ever felt before. She’s beginning to love you like her own child, drawn to your unique spirit and the beauty you bring into her life.

As the sun sets, casting a warm, golden hue over your garden village, you both settle down on a cozy bench. The scent of flowers fills the air as Larissa wraps her arm around your shoulder, pulling you into a loving embrace. You lean into her, feeling a sense of belonging and contentment.

“You know,” Larissa murmurs, her voice filled with maternal affection, “I can’t express how grateful I am to have you in my life, Y/N. Today has been truly special and I hope we can do things like this often.”

A smile spreads across your face and you nestle closer to Larissa. With the garden as your canvas and her love as your guiding light, you know that this relationship will continue to grow. Just like the flowers in your secret garden.

Masterlist

[artists-who-rarely-draws]

My Aphverse Job Headcanons!!!

I shared this on stars discord but you all can have it now cause it was a hit there lmfao

Here are my job ideas for mystreet in my brain except it's still HEAVILY based off of mcd like my street should have been.

Feel free to ask for clarification id be happy to give.

Aphmau: Carpenter

Garroth: his job journey has been complicated (and hopefully the only one I'm gonna go this in detail on) because he spent his entire life not even having to consider what he was going to do because well... from birth he was set to take over Gartes position as soon as he decided to retire. Garte will just keep paying for his life until that point, and it's not until like... more than halfway through him working to get the necessary degrees for something he has no passion for and is learning that he kinda hates doing that he realizes he DOES NOT want to do that, the basically isolating hours and work that just frustrates him but he's in to deep.. he finishes his degrees but Garte ever the workaholic still has no plan to retire so garroth is just left coasting for a while but he's so social and everyone around him had full time jobs and he gets one literally to just have something to do cause he is going stir crazy, probably some kind of security detail for like big public events just waiting to be called away to take over his dad's company, of course he eventually learns that he's allowed to choose a job for himself but mostly through like... talking to his friends, and I can really see him experimenting for a while before he lands on *drum roll* firefighting! But he still hasn't told his dad he's not taking over the company, he's incredibly terrified of that conversation and is just hoping Garte will die before retiring zane would probably love to take it over anyway, so who Is garroth really hurting?

Laurence:controversial, mayhaps but I see him being a barista at like a genuine Italian mom and pop Cafe, he's probably the Rank just below owner to lmfaoo they want to give it to him when they retire lol.

Dante: probably a personal trainer lol.

Katelyn boxing instructor probably rivals with Nicole.

Nana: Probably runs and owns a bakery.

Zane: honestly probably unemployed. The only job he really wants is his dad's, he eventually becomes the vice president because his dad is still ceo but he gets REALLY moody about it for a while because his garroth is still the planned heir (he gets the job in the end when Garte probably forcefully is retired and garroth won't take up the mantle)

Vlayd: when he was backpacking around the world he probably was making vlogs and content about it, not really as a job but just because but he got popular so he made decent money. Now he's probably like a meditation teacher or smthn like that lol work he can do while going anywhere he wants.

Cadenza: Has her own fashion line that is wildly gaining popularity

Gene: Nightclub owner, he really only does well in position where he's in charge.

Zenix: Bar work / Security at the night club, he likes how there's constant stimulation, and how he gets a. Excuse to rough troublemakers up.

Sasha: Dj at the nightclub. She likes how she gets to control the mood in the club ans can see pretty much everything.

Travis: has a position in his fathers company. He hates it but like Garroth it's what he was raised to do and he was given a job in the company immeaditly instead of just waiting until he got to run it.

Zoey: was a very influential chemist, but was let go due to some corruption in the higher ups and her speaking against it. She works in childcare now mostly as a hobby.

Blaze: Same as Dante but he's wildly more popular

Aaron: would have been in a situation similar to Travis and Garroth, except he basically went off the grid as soon as he was old enough his parents couldn't stop him, he became a firewatcher (people in watch towers in national parks) that's how he met his wife, who sadly passes in childbirth (that's right single dad Aaron in this because I can and I said so. I said it was heavily based on not 100% accurate) he moved back into the city cause, well... the woods are no place to raise a baby. He probably does freelance remote computer work now

Daniel: I don't think he shows up in mcd so it's based on pdh lol, I have no reasoning for this but I love the idea of him as a daycare teacher. Apron and everything.

Jeffory: works in Gartes company. He's not that into it, but it pays well enough that he can basically work part time to spend more time with Abby and still have a fairly cushy life with her.

Dottie: probably one of Kayelyns employees lol.

Nicole: has her own Boxing business not in on the rivalry idea, thinks they should team up lmfao.

Lucinda: Owns a witchy shop lol, basic I know but come on. Crystals, tarot, incense, the whole nine yards. She's also a nepo baby lol, she does NOT have to run this shop her dad would pay for her whole life but Lucinda enjoys workings and being self sufficient.

Brendan: works for Aphmau as a Carpenter.

Emmalyn: Librarian. Yeah i... yeah lol

Kiki: Runs a animal sanctuary. For both exotic and typical animals, teams up with the bakery and Cafe to host mass adoption events for her rehabilitated animals.

(And that's all the people I can remember to add rn whoops)

[north-noire]

Hey hey.

Just wanted to say how much I love ur Hidden Hands Au🤌🤌🤌. I am craving for that sh1t. Realy great work, my (wo?)man. I am so but exited for the whole fanfic, but no pressure🙃. Wanted to ask you if you could describe the character traits of the characters a bit more. Thx. Allright dunno how to end stuff like this.

Bye bye.

lol

Hello, germanstonks! Thanks for the ask! Sorry that this ask took me SO long to answer, I really wanted to do my guys a little justice - now that especially I actually have the fic up, but I think it's worth noting how their general personalities will be in the fic with a little past context :] Check it out if you'd like, link's in my bio! (Don't worry I read your other ask, totally fine with the pronouns)

Just note that these are mostly going off from in-between Post-Bite and before Charlie dies (so like, a bit of a prequel before the fic happens). MCI kids and other few notable characters like Jen/Jennifer Emily, etc. are just as important, but they come in a little later. Okay, let's get right to it. Feel free to read at your own pace since this will be a bit of a long post for the AU.

William Afton - family man, extroverted frugal fast-talking businessman, but genuinely has a soft spot for children, especially his children, loves them a lot, would destroy the whole world for them if he had to. Can be cunning and manipulative. Post-Bite wise he tends to compensate for Evan's passing by trying his best to treat his kids nicely. Doesn't really know how to handle his emotions well, just bottles it up in the hopes it'll be okay. (it's not.) Lisa Afton - introverted businesswoman who has William as her husband. Straightforward and always cuts to the chase, can be a little sassy, doesn't like sugarcoating things. Hardworking and very career-driven, but still cares about the kids in her own way. Can come off cold sometimes.

Michael Afton - post-Bite wise, he's generally wanted to be left alone and prefers to just stay in his room. Used to be adventurous, but now he'd prefer following rules to a T and just sticks by his mom or dad more - regrets a lot about what he had done to Evan. Loves video-games and sometimes sketches in his spare time. A bit anxious and can be scared of taking risks. Quiet, careful, reserved. Has a strange fascination with the supernatural. Talks to himself a lot, but can still be sarcastic at times.

Elizabeth Afton - post-Bite wise, doesn't quite understand the loss of Evan yet, but misses him a lot. Can be manipulative, but not in a malicious sense. Can come off naive, but picks up on details easily, and stubborn if she really wants something. Can be blunt and just says what's on her mind, but she isn't a bad person, just a troubled kid but she's still nice when you get to know her. Also has a strange fascination with horror movies and horror in general. Still has quite the child-like energy, just a bit more subdued.

Evan Afton - used to be timid and afraid, prefers to be left alone to his own things. Once he dies and is left in the afterlife, however... he grows resentful towards Michael and internalizes a lot of the anger and resentment about all the things that Michael had done to him. He tends to be observant, but had become quite cynical over the years. Lets his emotions get the best of him sometimes.

Henry Emily - a neurodivergent widowed man trying his best. Post-Bite wise, he mostly laid his head low from the guilt of losing Evan. Can be distant from people, preferring to just work all by himself, he's introverted and very blunt with his words, and intimidates people/unintentionally scares them sometimes. But he has warmth for the very people close to him, especially Charlie. Can be a bit of a workaholic, much to Charlie's dismay. Is really passionate about what he does with robotics.

Charlie Emily - neurodivergent too, like her dad. post-Bite wise, she's become someone who pours out a lot of emotional support for Michael and sometimes her father. She's grown to have an interest in investigating things and keen eyes for details, and a good listener - loves playing baseball sometimes. Sometimes she tends to stretch herself out a bit too thin for her own good, though.

Hope this helps! Sorry for the long post, I really hope I explained them properly!! I write them better in actual fic form than short explanatory stuff like this, but yeah! </3

[nerdzzone]

Worlds Apart

Chapter Four

Summary: Single mom, Bridget Clark, thought that she was fine by herself. Moving her son to a new town and out of the hustle and bustle of Boston, she thought that life would be quieter and simpler, but a chance encounter with a certain Hollywood actor only a week after their big move had her questioning everything. Bridget was faced with the ultimate decision of head vs heart, but would letting her guard down prove to be worth the risk?

Series Masterlist

Note: I just want to say a big thank you for all the comments and love this story has received so far! It's been so motivating and has made it really hard to stick to my 'only one chapter a week' schedule 😂

-----

“Landon, wait for me, please!”

Bridget’s voice carried down the sidewalk as she hurried after him, the tall heels of her shoes clacking on the ground as she tried to match his pace. Reluctantly, he paused to let her catch up, but she could see from the strain on his face that listening hadn’t been an easy choice.

“But, I see Daddy!” He protested. “He’s right there!” 

He pointed down the sidewalk towards the restaurant they were eating at that evening, but even though she could also see Landon’s dad - Marcus - and his husband - David - she stuck by her original request.

“I know, but there’s a lot of people around,” she pointed out as she took his hand in her own. “You have to stay close to me until Daddy sees you too.”

A sigh fell from his lips, but the way Landon squeezed her hand told her that he’d heard and understood and she smiled as he stayed by her side until his dad was just a few feet away. As he let go of her hand and sprinted towards Marcus with a cry of ‘Daddy!’ leaving his lips, Bridget felt her heart warm at the sight. Even though they weren’t together, she was always grateful that he was such a great dad and that Landon had such a close bond with him. She smiled as Marcus scooped him up in his arms until she caught up to the group and stole everyone’s attention.

“Happy birthday!” Marcus cheered, reaching out his free arm to pull her into a hug. “How does thirty-one feel?”

“Not too different from thirty so far,” Bridget admitted. “But Lando made sure I had a great day, didn’t you, buddy?”

“I did!” Landon nodded eagerly as a proud grin slid onto his face. “We went to the park and then we had ice cream in the sun!”

“That sounds like a lot of fun,” Marcus chuckled before shooting a sly glance at Bridget. “Who paid for the ice cream?”

“Landon did,” Bridget informed him as she slipped out of his grasp and thought back to how confidently Landon had pulled the money out of his pocket earlier that day. “So, thank you for that.”

“It was all Lando’s idea,” he assured her. “We were talking about what you might want to do today and the idea was all his, I just made sure he had the funds.”

“He was really excited about it,” David chimed in. “He was determined that you were going to have a fun day.”

“Well, he succeeded,” Bridget assured them, feeling grateful that they’d helped Landon reach his goal of making her day special. “We had a really great day together.”

“I’m glad to hear that.”

David’s words were genuine as he pulled her into a hug as well and mumbled his own birthday wishes into her hair. Despite the unfortunate way that their relationships with Marcus had overlapped, they had managed to build a strong relationship of their own over the years. Of course, Bridget had been resentful at first. It had been hard to watch Marcus be happy with the person he’d left her for - even if his sexuality had been the biggest motivating factor - and it had been even harder to see them become a perfect little family when Landon was born while she was all alone. But both men had been apologetic about how the situation had unfolded and they were both amazing dads who loved Landon very much and that made it easier for Bridget to let it go after a little time had passed, and the friendship she’d had with Marcus grew stronger as she made the effort to form one with David as well.

“I think Molly is already inside,” Marcus told her as she stepped away from his husband. “We saw them heading in just as we got here.”

“Then what are we waiting for?” Bridget smiled. “Let’s get this party started.”

Landon let out a cheer of agreement that pulled a laugh from all his parents as they went inside to join the rest of their group. They were almost at the table when Molly’s husband, Robbie, spotted them and flashed Bridget a grin.

“Well, look who it is,” he greeted them. “It’s the old lady of the hour.”

“Old?” Landon questioned, his brow creasing with concern as his dad helped him climb into a chair at the table. “Mommy, are you old?”

“She sure is, kiddo,” Robbie informed him. “She’s officially over thirty.”

“Barely,” Bridget protested. “I’m only thirty-one.”

“Are you gonna die?” The follow up question from Landon had Molly choking on the glass of water she’d been sipping as she fought back a laugh and an indignant ‘what?’ from Bridget prompted him to elaborate. “My friend, Johnny, says that old people die so if you’re old, are you gonna die?”

“Look what you’ve done, Rob,” Bridget shot him a playful glare before reassuring Landon. “No, buddy, I’m not gonna die any time soon. Robbie was just teasing me because I’m getting older but I’m not old yet.”

“Are you sure?”

The suspicion in his voice had Bridget leaning down to kiss the top of his head as she assured him that she was fine and wouldn’t be going anywhere in the near future. 

It wasn’t an unusual situation. Robbie and Molly had been together for almost ten years and he’d quickly settled into a brotherly role in Bridget’s life. When Landon was born, the shift into the goofy, antagonistic uncle role had been a very natural transition and Bridget spent a lot of time explaining away the ridiculous comments he made to wind Landon up. Landon adored him though and she was grateful that he had so many trusted role models in his life.

As everyone settled at the table - with David, Marcus and Landon on one side and Bridget, Molly and Robbie on the other - Bridget took advantage of the distraction of everyone catching up to nudge Molly as she sat beside her, catching her attention.

“I have news…”

She murmured the confession low enough that no one would overhear and she hoped that the sudden look of excited curiosity on Molly’s face wouldn’t give them away. She hadn’t mentioned anything about their date - or even meeting Chris - because she’d decided she wanted to wrap her head around it before she shared the news with anyone, but as soon as she saw her closest friend, the need to share was almost overwhelming and Molly’s clear excitement only made it even harder to wait.

“You do?” She questioned, matching Bridget’s secretive tone. “What kind of news?”

“Exciting news,” Bridget wiggled her eyebrows as a hint towards the juicy nature of what she had to share, but when the action earned a suspicious glance from David from the other end of the table she knew she needed to wait until they had a more private moment. “I’ll fill you in later.”

Molly reluctantly agreed and let the subject drop as the waiter came to take their drink orders. Usually, Bridget wasn’t particularly into drinking. She’d indulged enough when she was younger to learn that the suffering that followed wasn’t really worth it and after Landon was born her life seemed so busy that there was rarely a convenient time for a hangover. However, she would occasionally partake in a drink or two and on special occasions - like her birthday - she let herself get a little more carried away. The bottle of white wine that she’d decided to split with Molly was evidence of that as she knew it was just the beginning of the evening they had planned.

Originally, the plan had been very subdued. It was her week with Landon so she’d figured that they’d probably just stay home and order takeout, but when Marcus had found out what she had in mind, the frown that took over his face told Bridget that he was unimpressed by her lackluster plans. By the time she was dropping Landon off at his house at the end of that week, Marcus had made them all a reservation at a nice restaurant in Boston, told her to invite Molly and Robbie to join them, and offered to keep Landon for the night and drop him off at his daycare in the morning so that Bridget could go for a few drinks with Molly after dinner without worry. Molly had immediately and enthusiastically jumped on board and Bridget was grateful that she had so many people who were eager to celebrate with her.

Considering it had been a while since they’d been together as a group - or even really had any time to hangout individually - they quickly fell into conversation as they caught up on each other's lives. Even Landon was included as he regaled them with tales from his wild days at ‘school’ as he called his daycare and excitedly told them how well his first night of Little League had gone the night before. However, as their main course arrived shortly after Landon had told them all about the new baseball glove he’d been given by his Grandma and Grandpa, the mention of Marcus’ parents reminded him about something else.

“Speaking of Landon’s grandparents,” he caught her attention as Robbie and David remained distracted by Landon’s detailed explanation of the rules of baseball. “I saw your dad the other day.”

The touchy topic immediately had Bridget on edge, but she hid the way her annoyance made her jaw clench with an exaggerated cringe.

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. I hope it wasn’t too unpleasant for you.”

“It was fine, he always liked me,” Marcus shrugged and Bridget had to admit that it was true. As a physiotherapist, Marcus had easily earned her dad’s respect simply by having a profession that he valued more than he valued hers. She’d always felt that he would have much rather kept Marcus in the family after their break-up than her and that he was probably quite relieved that he saw more of Marcus than he did of her as Marcus often ran into him if he was called in to the hospital to treat a patient. Her assumption was only solidified in her mind when Marcus continued. “But he didn’t even know that you’d moved.”

A wave of indignation washed over her and although she knew it wasn’t worth letting herself get upset over, she couldn’t hold back the roll of her eyes that his words caused.

“He absolutely did,” she insisted. “I told them when I went over for my mom’s birthday dinner just before Christmas.”

“Really? He seemed completely clueless about it.”

“Yeah, well, he usually is,” Bridget huffed. “They both are. The birthday card they sent Landon last year was for a six year old so if they can’t even get his age right then I’m not surprised that they don’t care about keeping up to date on where we live.”

“That’s so ridiculous,” Molly scoffed disapprovingly as Marcus nodded in agreement. It was no secret to Bridget what they both thought of her parents, but it was always comforting to be reminded that her frustrations with them weren’t unwarranted. “Have you heard from them at all today?”

“No, not at all,” Bridget admitted. “But I doubt they even remember when my birthday is.”

“Fucking assholes…”

The words were mumbled under Molly’s breath, but loudly enough to earn a stifled laugh from Bridget before she flashed her a smirk.

“Careful Molly, Marcus doesn’t like it when people swear around Landon.”

“She’s not wrong,” Marcus reluctantly agreed. “But Bridget shouldn’t either.”

“Bridget has more important things to worry about.”

It was a weak defense and Bridget knew that Marcus immediately saw right through it as he playfully rolled his eyes.

“Or is Bridget just too lazy to break her bad habits and watch what she says?”

“Bridget would like to remind you that it’s her birthday and you’re supposed to be nice to her today.”

“Why is Bridget talking about herself in third person?” Robbie questioned, breaking up the bickering. “Is it a sign of old age? Are you losing your marbles? Should we put you in a care home now so you can get the help you need?”

The exaggerated distraught tone to his voice had a laughter rippling through the group as Bridget shot him another glare.

“You’re older than I am,” she reminded him. “And you’re not as funny as you think you are.”

“I think Robbie’s really funny,” Landon defended him despite being clueless about the rest of the conversation. “He makes me laugh all the time.”

“And that’s the only opinion that really matters,” Robbie decided, a smug smile sliding onto his face. “So, thanks, kiddo.”

Landon mumbled a quick ‘you’re welcome’ through his mouthful of food and despite her apparent loss of the argument, Bridget couldn’t help but smile at how nice it was to have most of the people closest to her all together for once.

-

“Okay, so spill. I’ve been dying to know what your ‘news’ is all night.”

The demand came from Molly as she joined Bridget at the table she’d been waiting at, placing a margarita in front of her. The rest of their dinner had gone smoothly and been a great time, but both women were eager for their chance to split off from the group and catch up properly without any prying eyes. Molly had held off long enough to buy Bridget a birthday drink, but wasn’t willing to wait a minute longer to get the gossip.

“I went on a date.” Bridget tried to hide the grin on her face with a sip of her drink, but the squeal of glee that her admission pulled from Molly had a laugh falling from her lips. “Relax, it was one date. Don’t get too excited about it yet.”

“Oh, I am excited,” Molly insisted. “It’s been years, Bridge! You haven’t been out with anyone since you and Marcus broke up five years ago! This is a huge deal and I am going to get very excited about it even if you never see the guy again.”

“Well, that is a possibility,” Bridget informed her. “So, let’s reign in the celebration just a little bit.”

Molly's smile faltered slightly at that added bit of information, but her eyes narrowed suspiciously as she seemed reluctant to dull down her excitement.

“Why is that a possibility? Did you not like him?”

“No, I really did like him,” Bridget assured her. “But he’s just left town for, like, two months because he has to travel for work so who knows how he’ll be feeling about things by the time he comes back.”

“He’s travelling for two months straight? What kind of job sends you on a business trip for that long?” Molly questioned, her brow furrowing in obvious displeasure. “That seems a little fishy.”

“It’s not,” Bridget smiled. “It makes sense for the industry that he’s in.”

“And what industry would that be?”

Going into the conversation, Bridget had planned to keep Chris’ identity a secret. She knew that the fact that she’d gone on a date with anyone would be a big enough shock, throwing in who exactly her date had been had the potential to overwhelm Molly entirely. However, she’d always found it almost impossible to keep any secrets from Molly and she was hoping for a little advice that would be hard to get without sharing all of the details.

“The film industry,” she admitted, bracing for more unbridled excitement. “He’s an actor.”

As expected, Molly’s eyes visibly lit up as she leaned in closer.

“An actor? Like, a good one?”

“In my opinion, yes. I think he’s a good actor.”

“So, he’s famous enough that you’d seen him in a movie before you met him?” Molly mused before a scoff fell from her lips. “Wait, why am I trying to guess? Just tell me who it is!”

“Okay, but you have to promise not to tell anyone…”

Bridget gave Molly the sternest look she could muster, but the genuine offence on Molly’s face was all the reassurance she needed.

“Of course, Bridge. You know I’ve got your back, I wouldn’t share your secrets with anyone.”

Steeling herself for another enthusiastic reaction, Bridget forced the words out of her mouth before she could change her mind as she confessed, “I went on a date with Chris Evans.”

“Oh my god.” It was a softer response than Bridget had anticipated, but after watching Molly blink a few times as she tried to wrap her mind around what she’d just been told, she could see the moment when it really sunk in and her voice raised to the octave that Bridget had originally anticipated. “Oh my god! Really?! The Chris Evans? As in, Captain fucking America?”

“Shhhhh,” Bridget hissed, glancing around the room to see if anyone had noticed her outburst and feeling grateful for the loud music that she’d - embarrassingly - worried would give her a headache when they’d first walked. “Not telling anyone includes not screaming about it loud enough that everyone in this bar can hear you!”

“Sorry, sorry, I just wasn’t expecting that! I don’t know what I was expecting, but it definitely wasn’t that.” Molly shook her head in disbelief, taking a sip of her drink to snap her out of the state of shock she appeared to be in before continuing. “Okay, tell me everything. How did that even happen?”

With a smile on her face, Bridget eagerly launched into the explanation. How they’d met at the grocery store and then seemed to run into each other everywhere. How he’d helped her connect with his sister and then offered to paint her house. How he’d then spent an entire day helping her and asked her out at the end of it.

“So, we went out for dinner last week and it was really nice. He’s super down to earth and easy to talk to, we had a great time and now I think I have a stupid, giant crush.”

The grin on Molly’s face spread until it stretched almost from ear to ear and had Bridget almost wishing she hadn’t mentioned anything at all.

“That’s amazing! It’s like the start of a romantic comedy,” Molly gushed. “But now I’m still wondering why you think it’s such a possibility that he won’t want to see you again.”

“Because he’s gone for two months,” Bridget reminded her. “It’s the premiere of the new Captain America movie tonight and then he has to travel for all the press. By the time he gets home I’m sure he’ll have forgotten all about me.”

“I don’t think that’s true or he wouldn’t have put in the effort to get to know you before he left,” Molly pointed out. “Have you heard from him since your date?”

“Yeah, he messaged me later that night to say that he’d had a good time,” Bridget admitted. “And he messaged me on Friday when he got to L.A. and we talked occasionally over the weekend.”

“So, it sounds like you made a pretty good impression on him too.”

“I think so, but two months is a long time.”

“It is,” Molly agreed. “But if he’s interested then it’s not an insurmountable problem.”

“I know,” Bridget nodded, sipping her drink as she tried to think about how to phrase her next admission. “But his interest might wane while he’s off travelling the world and being adored by every woman he meets.”

“Well, then you’ll know not to waste any more time,” Molly shrugged. “I know that would be disappointing, but at least that will tell you where you stand. For now, I don’t see the harm in seeing where it goes.”

“There could be plenty of harm,” Bridget frowned. “Even other than just getting my feelings hurt and self-esteem shattered, I have Landon to consider and I need to think about how getting invested in Chris - or anyone - could affect him.”

Molly opened her mouth to respond, but even though she shut it before she actually got any words out, the look on her face told Bridget that she clearly disagreed with what she’d just said. However, she was grateful that she’d taken the time to compose a diplomatic answer before she spoke.

“I think you might be getting a little bit ahead of yourself,” she gently warned her. “But this could be kind of the perfect opportunity in your situation. He isn’t here so you don’t have to worry about him being around so much that Landon gets attached and by the time he gets home you should have more of an idea if it’s something that’s going to fizzle out or if it’s something that might go somewhere, right?”

“I guess so…” Bridget anxiously chewed on her bottom lip as she mulled over Molly’s words until a sigh fell from her lips. “I just don’t know how any of this is supposed to work and I don’t want to do the wrong thing and let Landon down.”

“I’m confident that whatever happens between you and Chris, you won’t let that happen,” Molly assured her. “You’re an amazing mom, Bridget. You always put him first and I have so much respect for you for that, but you’re allowed to be more than just a mom.”

“I am…I’m a librarian too…”

It was a weak protest and Bridget cringed as she heard the words leave her mouth and saw the amused smile slid onto Molly’s face.

“Yeah, but you’re allowed to want more from life than just work and your son.”

“I know that,” Bridget nodded. “But things are good right now. Rocking the boat is scary.”

“Of course it is, but that doesn’t mean that it’s not worth doing. You deserve to be happy and sometimes you have to take scary risks to make that happen.”

“I am happy…”

“But could you be happier?”

The question caught Bridget off guard and she took a minute to think it over. Saying that she was happy was an honest answer. She loved the career that she’d chosen and she’d settled in nicely to her new job. She loved her son and was genuinely enjoying spending time with him as he was starting to explore the things he was interested in and try new things. She was truly content with her life as it was - especially now that they’d moved out of the city - but that didn’t mean that there wasn’t room for more.

“I could be,” she admitted. “I don’t think I realized how much I missed dating and romance until I met Chris. I’ve gotten very used to being alone and doing things by myself, but this whole situation has reminded me about what else is out there.”

“So go for it,” Molly shrugged. “Let yourself enjoy it and see where it goes.”

“Okay, but everything else aside, our lives are so different,” Bridget pointed out. “I’m worried that he’ll get bored so fast when he realizes how uneventful my day to day life is.”

“Maybe boring is what he’s looking for.” Molly’s suggestion earned a scoff from Bridget and she rushed to clarify. “Not that I think you’re boring, but the life of an actor must get pretty draining. Maybe he wants something a little quieter than what he can find in Hollywood.”

Another sigh fell from Bridget’s lips as she thought about what her friend had said and agreed with a soft, “Maybe.”

“Or maybe,” Molly flashed her a grin. “He met you and was so blown away by how funny, sweet, intelligent and sexy you are that whatever he thought he wanted completely changed and now he wants whatever you’re offering.”

The idea had Bridget barking out a laugh as a blush covered her cheeks, but it succeeded in putting a smile back on her face.

“Okay, now who’s getting ahead of themselves?”

“Not me,” Molly insisted. “Clearly, he’s smitten and to celebrate that fact, I suggest we do some shots.”

It was a suggestion that was entirely unsurprising given her knowledge of what a night out with Molly was like, but she let out a groan of protest anyway as she tried to convince her that it was a bad idea. She knew she was fighting a losing battle though and it didn’t take long for Molly to have her tossing back the last of her margarita before she disappeared in search of another round - complete with several shots of tequila.

And it was those shots of tequila that she blamed on the message she sent later that night.

Chris had been on her mind all night - even more so after her conversation with Molly and the many questions she’d been asking - but she knew he was busy and had managed to resist sending him any drunk texts. However, when Molly went to the bathroom just before they left the bar, she let herself indulge just a little by looking online to see if there had been any pictures posted from the premiere. Of course, there were plenty and what she found had her heart beating a little faster in her chest. 

He looked so good. She’d found him attractive every time that they’d met, but he cleaned up well and it almost felt unreal that the well dressed man on a red carpet posing with all his celebrity friends was the same man that had helped her paint her house and taken her out for dinner. And it seemed even more unreal that a man as handsome as Chris had actually kissed her at the end of their date.

Inspired by the flush of attraction rushing through her and the alcohol she’d consumed, she found his name in her phone and sent him a message before she had time to change her mind.

I saw some pictures of the premiere and I’ve gotta admit that you look amazing in that suit. Please thank whoever styles you for such a delightful birthday treat.

She regretted it almost as soon as she’d sent it. Reading it over, it felt silly and fangirly and her use of the word ‘delightful’ immediately made her cringe. However, Molly came back before she had time to think of some way to take back what she’d said and she tried to push it from her mind before Molly started asking questions and she had to explain what she’d just done. With the time change, she figured Chris would be too busy to respond any time soon anyway and hoped she had her wits a bit more about her by the time that happened.

Unfortunately, that wish didn’t entirely come true as the reply from Chris popped up on her phone not long after they got back to Molly’s place. She was surprised - considering it was barely after nine pm on the west coast and she assumed he would be too busy to answer her for most of the night - but she was grateful that she’d at least had enough time to get a late night snack and some water in her system before she opened the message.

Ha! Thank you. And it’s your birthday?! You never mentioned that!

She hadn’t even realized that it seemed like she was fishing for birthday greetings in her message and felt an immediate flush of embarrassment as she quickly answered.

It is, but it’s no big deal. Just another day really.

She waited with her phone in her hand for a moment, but felt a wave of disappointment when no response came. Flopping back on the bed in Molly’s spare room, she let herself have a moment to fret and ponder her next move before forcing any doubts out of her mind once again. Considering that Robbie had to work early in the morning, Molly had decided to bunk with her and she knew that she’d be appearing at any moment and that even in her intoxicated state, she’d be able to sense any disappointment or stress that Bridget was feeling from her exchange with Chris.

His response had been as enthusiastic as she could have hoped for given the initial ridiculous message that she’d sent, but she could feel her anxiety rising about the fact that she’d messaged him at all. Throwing in the fact that she’d brought up her birthday like she was desperate for even more of his attention had her ready to accept that she had probably just ruined everything already. However, just as she was about to throw her phone across the room to force herself to stop staring at the screen as if she could will him to respond, the screen lit up with another notification from Chris. But this time it was some kind of video attachment.

She quickly opened it, but felt a wave of confusion wash over her when Paul Rudd appeared on her screen.

“Uh, hi Bridget,” he smiled at the camera. “I hear you’re a good friend of Chris’ and any friend of his is a friend of mine so I just wanna say happy birthday! I hope you’ve had a great day because I’m sure you deserve it.”

A laugh slipped from Bridget’s lips as she thought back to the conversation they’d had while he was painting her house. It was obvious why he’d chosen that particular superhero to send her a birthday greeting and she could barely contain her giggles as she played the video again just as Molly walked into the room.

“What?” She questioned, raising an eyebrow at Bridget’s goofy behaviour. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing,” Bridget smirked. “I’m just enjoying my personalized birthday message from Paul Rudd.”

“Paul Rudd? How did you…” She trailed off as a look of realization washed over her face and she let out a soft gasp. “Oh my god, Chris sent it to you?”

“Yeah, I messaged him about the premiere and let it slip that it’s my birthday and he sent me this.”

“Let me see!” It was more of a demand than a request as she scrambled across the bed, but Bridget was happy to share the message. She tilted the phone so that Molly could see and hit play, unable to keep the grin off her face and laughing when the video ended and Molly shrieked, “Oh my god! Paul Rudd actually just wished you a happy birthday!”

“Shhh,” Bridget giggled. “But it’s actually kinda cute because I mentioned that Paul Rudd was probably my biggest celebrity crush and obviously he remembered that.”

The look that slid onto Molly’s face could only be described as one of judgement as she questioned Bridget on that statement.

“You told him that you have a crush on one of his co-workers? Wow, Bridge, we need to work on your flirting skills,” she teased her. “I know you’ve been out of the game for a while, but that’s usually not what people want to hear.”

“I didn’t mean to,” Bridget blushed. “I didn’t realize that they even knew each other and it was before our date so he clearly didn’t mind - especially if he was still willing to ask him to send me a birthday message.”

“Okay, that’s true,” Molly relented. “Did you answer him yet?”

Bridget shook her head, but the door of the spare room swung open before she could reply and Robbie stepped into the room.

“Sorry,” Bridget flashed him a sheepish smile. “Did we wake you up?”

“I heard you guys come home,” he admitted. “And I was going to go back to sleep, but I always like to check in when I hear my wife screaming another man’s name in bed.”

“Paul Rudd’s not here,” Molly rolled her eyes. “But I do have something to tell you. It’s a secret though so I’ll have to tell you when Bridget leaves or she’ll be mad at me.”

“Molly!” Bridget protested. “That’s not how secrets work! You’re not supposed to tell anyone at all, not just tell them when I’m out of earshot.”

“I know, but it’s Robbie! I tell him everything, you know that. Just like I tell you everything about him.”

“There are no secrets here,” Robbie smiled. “But if you don’t want me to know whatever Molly is so clearly desperate to gossip about then I will do my best not to listen.”

Molly whined in displeasure at that claim and Bridget swatted at her playfully.

“You can listen, I trust you not to tell anyone,” Bridget told Robbie as he let out a yawn that reminded her of the time. “But you should go back to bed, I’m sorry we woke you up.”

“It’s alright,” Robbie shrugged. “I’m glad you had a good night. Do you need anything? Have you both had some water?”

They both pointed to the glasses beside the bed and smiled at his concern before saying goodnight and letting him get back to bed. After all the excitement, it didn’t take long for Molly to start drifting off as well, but Bridget had one more thing she wanted to do before falling asleep and she opened her conversation with Chris once again.

Oh my gosh, best birthday present ever! Even though, I’m a little disappointed that I didn’t get to see your beautiful face too, but I don’t want to be greedy so I’ll just say thank you.

Emboldened by the alcohol that she could still feel in her body, she added a little kiss blowing emoji at the end and hoped that he wouldn’t think she was being too forward. Molly’s words about her confession of a silly crush on Paul Rudd were floating in her mind and even though she was fairly sure that Chris wasn’t bothered by the situation, she hoped her comment would be a little reassurance that her interest remained focused completely on him.

She tried to fight off the need for sleep that was weighing down her eyelids as she wanted to stay awake long enough to see if he was going to reply, but considering the video he’d sent appeared to have been taken at some kind of after party, she knew he was probably busy and after a few minutes passed with no response, she let her eyes flicker shut and drifted off to sleep.

[alittleillusionmachinee]

Ok so regarding Chrissy and Eddie.....there are so many amazing things to dissect in that short woods scene oh my god. Here's where my brain kept getting stuck:

1. Chrissy says "No, it's not that. I don't want you to go" when Eddie packs up after she gets startled by the squirrel. This one is a bit self-indulgent and more of a joke than anything but I had to list it lol

2. When Eddie reminisces about the talent show, he says her cheerleading routine was "pretty cool, actually." Think about it! Jason probably loves the fact that she's a cheerleader, but only in the way that it relates to HIM. She cheers for HIM, she looks cute in her outfit for HIM, she smiles for HIM. Eddie purely liked her talent! He recognized that she was out there performing something she worked hard on for HERSELF. And Eddie thought it was cool within its own right. Swoon.

3. Eddie calls Chrissy a "freak." Chrissy's expression afterwards is priceless, her little smile and cute laugh. Imagine! She has to be perceived by EVERYONE, family included, as being well put together, clean cut, and absolutely normal 100% of the time. How FREEING must it have been to be called a freak? To no longer be worried, in the presence of at least this one nice boy, about not coming off all clean and shiny? She can be a little off, a little messy, say the wrong things, etc. in front of Eddie, she's realizing. If freaks are free to be themselves without hiding from the world, then maybe she'd like to be one after all.

4. Eddie invites her to his band's show. I can perfectly picture her there in bright clothing, shiny makeup, and perfect hair, just looking so out of place. But she'd go and she'd have fun and Eddie would introduce her to all his band mates, plus the 5 drunks. Eventually, she'd start dressing less preppy, as a result of finding her own true personal style, not dictated by her mom or cheer or Jason.

5. Eddie tries to come off really cool but you can tell he's probably admired Chrissy from afar for a bit. He knew she was "Queen of Hawkins High" and therefore not even worth a try, but where girls such as herself might become rude from that type of popularity, I think he's always known that she's a genuinely nice person. She hasn't been corrupted by the reputation. It's why he likes her (ok and she's cute as a button). That's why he pretends to fall over because she doesn't remember him, and mentions how they've "hung out" in the past. He wants to put himself on her radar: past, present and future.

In conclusion, why would the Duffer Brothers give us so much, yet so little.

#JusticeForChrissy

[togglesbloggle]

Free Will is a Value Statement

When I was a kid, we had a dog.  It didn’t go well.

This particular dog- one of several in my childhood, and the only time it went awry- loved us very much, and we loved him too.  But when it came to strangers, he was very aggressive, and very dangerous, and not fully under our control.  We’d have to lock him up when there were visitors to the house, and even then it was less ‘barking’ and more ‘baying of hounds’, and unlike some animals he didn’t suddenly turn nice when he was in the same room with them.  And he was large, much too large for this to be safe.  Things came to a head when my mom was taking him for a walk and he started threatening a small kid playing in their own yard, and she came back terrified that if he ever got out, somebody would be badly hurt.

I remember quite clearly the conversation where my parents told me we couldn’t keep him.  They’d made the unfortunate choice to feed me cookies at the same time, to make the bad news go down easier; the net result is that there’s a specific brand of cookies that, to this day, I still can’t eat.  They just turn to ashes in my mouth.

(The good news is that, against all odds, it seems the ‘farm upstate’ that they sent him to was actually real.  They literally saved the receipts, so that when I got old enough to realize what that kind of story usually meant, they could give me proof that they hadn’t lied.  He did live what I believe to be a happy life in what was, more or less, a wild animal sanctuary.  Not all dangerous animals are so lucky, but sometimes, they are.)

The reason to dredge this up is to notice how unthinkable it was for any of us to call him ‘evil.’  Even when he was straining at the leash as hard as he could snarling and growling at a three year old, he wasn’t evil.  ‘Dangerous’, yes.  ‘Violent’, certainly.  But not that, not ever.

And that’s how it works, right?  We recoil at using the E-word for pets, young children, anyone that’s enough weaker than we are.  Evil-as-an-adjective is for peers and superiors, things which present a genuine threat to us.  You can watch this change for the natural world in real time- us moderns watch nature documentaries about predators avidly, and not as horror films, but our received culture still has ancient fairy tales about the ‘big bad wolf’ that date from before our conquest of Earth’s ecosystems.  What a difference a little power makes!  What was once a real and imminent fear, and a central figure in the atlas of evil, has withered away to a narrative archetype with no material referent, while the wolves themselves become objects of admiration and wonder, or a focus of conservation efforts, in direct proportion to our own sense of security against them.

And maybe you’re not the sort of person who thinks about evil much at all, which is honestly a pretty good strategy most of the time.  It can often obstruct thinking more often than it clarifies.  But even if you don’t, I’ll bet you still think about ‘justice’ a fair bit- and that follows the same rules, for about the same reasons.  The punitive and remunerative kinds of justice, anyway.  Was it some kind of punishment, to have that part of my family broken away when I was a child?  Was my dog’s loss and confusion something he deserved?  Of course not.  It was just- disharmony, I suppose.  We couldn’t find a way to put the world right, and so we suffered instead.

And yet when we reach a certain level of direct personal injury or threat of injury, especially by human causes- political enemies, alien people, angry mobs- then, almost without fail, we find ourselves reaching for this idea of justice.  (And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge?) Show me, anywhere in the world, where a person has in all sincerity called for justice- and I’ll show you someone who feels weak.

Now, I can point at sentences like ‘my dog was not evil,’ and it should be pretty clear that I’m making a value statement, rather than expressing mundane factual belief in the same mold as ‘grass is green.’  That is, I’m not disputing any mechanism of action, or trying to explain why events occurred as they did.  I’m not giving you information you could use to prevent this from happening to you too, much as I hope you can.  I’m telling you how I feel, about what I want, about who I am.  I’m telling you about my grief.

Loosely speaking, you can imagine beliefs falling along a spectrum.  Don’t take this typology too seriously, it’s just a useful distinction to make for present purposes.  The first extreme of our spectrum is just the observational set of beliefs- the ‘sky is blue, grass is green’ category.  These are especially good for making plans that work, since they model a system that we usually want to work with in some capacity.  If you don’t want to fall off a cliff, it helps to have a good map. The second type is imperatives or value statements, beliefs about how to direct our efforts.  ‘Murder is bad’ is a belief like any other, but instead of telling us how to accomplish a goal, it tells us what goals we ought to have and what ends we should work towards.  (Moral realists will think of this second category as being a subset of the first; that’s perfectly reasonable but orthogonal to my point.).  Both types of belief are absolutely necessary for acting in the world: the means and the end, if you like.  

Here’s where I reveal my thesis:  When, honestly, was the last time you used the concept of free will to make a plan?

“People have free will” sure feels like a factual belief, from the inside.  It’s a description of who we are, right?  Like saying we usually have two legs, like saying the Earth goes around the Sun?  Only… it isn’t doing any of the things I do with factual beliefs.  It doesn’t make predictions, it doesn’t expand my capacity to act on the world.  If anything, ‘free will’ as a concept has a weird twisty negative definition (often something like ‘nonrandom indeterminacy’) that resists analysis of the reductive kind we usually use for this sort of thing.  

And if we look at how it’s positioned in the grand constellations of human thought, it’s awkwardly conjoined with a lot of the other things I’ve been talking about here.  Good, evil, justice.  I use my belief in free will a lot when I’m talking about culpability or praiseworthiness, when I’m deciding what to act towards, when to cheer and when to boo.  

I use it when I’m feeling weak.

Or, less personally, think about where ‘free will’ crops up in our court system.  And it does, in more than a few guises.  For example, altered states that compromise our volition are taken into account, and might even qualify as fully mitigating circumstances that tell the court not to punish the transgression.  (“I was not negligent on that construction site, your honor, I’m a diabetic and I was having a blood sugar crash.”)  In other cases, such as in murder charges, malice aforethought or planning the crime carefully might upgrade the sentence to be more harsh, whereas a crime ‘of passion’ might net fewer years in prison. (First-degree versus second-degree murder.)  What all of these have in common, notably, is in assessments of culpability, relevant to the question of how strongly the community wants to punish or condemn the situation.  But when it comes to the presentation of evidence, the chain of material observations that we use to establish confidence in the story of ‘what happened’, we invoke ‘motive’ instead- that is, we ask what benefits, inducements, insults, or other circumstances might have led the defendant to commit the act.  “Your honor, the accused is ordained with free will and is capable of choice,” is, notably, not considered sufficient to establish motive- but “your honor, the defendant was listed in the victim’s will as a primary recipient, and they were seen to have a large argument two days before the murder,” very much is.  Interesting discrepancy, no?  When we ask whether we should condemn others or show mercy, we care deeply about the defendant’s capacity to exercise free choice.  But when we ask material questions about what happened, trying to get a clear picture of the world as it is, we instead ask where the defendant is positioned in a causal web of material and social circumstances.

It’s hard, really hard, to reliably tell when our beliefs are about facts, describing things other than ourselves, and when they’re doing something else, paying rent in other ways.  But I notice, when I was a little kid crying in the car, I never once asked whether any of this was my dog’s fault.  It’s not that I didn’t know whether he had free will or not; it’s that it didn’t occur to me to ask.  I asked if it was my fault, certainly.  I’m sure my parents did too.  But we never asked if it was his, whether he’d decided to be this way.  That’s just not what ‘free will’ as a concept was for.

So, am I saying there’s “no such thing as free will” in the sense that I’m saying humans are fully deterministic and mechanistic?  Nah, not really.  To reiterate: I’m not saying that I have any confidence whatsoever that humans are deterministic, mechanical agents.  I think there’s plenty of room for consciousness to complicate the story of causality in ways I can’t anticipate; there’s every chance that human brains aren’t just billiard balls bouncing around in a universe running on linear algebra or whatever.  But I don’t think that ‘free will’ as currently discussed is in any sense an alternative to that model, either.  What I’m trying to say is that ‘free will’ isn’t really a claim about what the world is like at all.

The opposite of a belief in free will isn’t ‘I assert humans are chemical robots governed by deterministic electrochemical reactions’.  Instead, the opposite is ‘I am not angry at you for hurting me.’  Free will is a value statement.

Remember that ‘rate my dog’ parody account, and the central joke was that all the dogs got scores of like 12/10 or whatever?  And the punchline to it all, when somebody tried to call them out on the uselessness of a rating system that always stayed maxed out: “They’re good dogs, Brent.”  If I were at a high enough perch- strong enough, wise enough, safe enough- then that same optimism, I think, is the only part of my need for justice that would survive.  True power doesn’t rank humans from best to worst, or spend time blaming us for outcomes that cause suffering to ourselves or to others.  It doesn’t need to.

[marinerainbow]

Hey, I have an OC question! ^^ What are your OC's (Or at least- Poppy, Shiny, Terry, Henry, Ben and Moony's) favourite animals?

Oh I like this question! I'm gonna go ahead and do all of my OC's for this one ^^ starting with the WFRR OC's since there are so many of them XD

Poppy: Well, we know she's fond of insects, though I don't think they are recognized as animals? So I'd say she also likes ducks. Especially the ducklings (I blame that one convo we had. You know which one XD). When she goes to the park, she always brings a bag of duck friendly food for the birds- and she almost always gets a flock surrounding her 😂

Shiny Weasel: Hm... I'm gonna say it's a cross between ferrets and cats. She doesn't own any pets, but she thinks some of the strays in her neighborhood have adopted her for free food, and Shiny has grown a soft spot for them XD she'd love to get a ferret someday ^^

Terry Ratt T: Snakes. Not really an explanation, he just thinks they're cute, funky guys, "They don't have arms and legs. They do everythin' with their body. Move, eat... They're pretty funny like that."

Henry Foxworth: Hm... I'm gonna say he likes chickens. Not even because it's a fox thing, he genuinely likes them. I think he might have wanted to start a farm at some point in his life before he took scamming as a career path.

Moony Wolf: Ok hear me out... It's bunnies. Even before he started dating Poppy, he's liked rabbits. At first, it was just a part of his predator mindset. Rabbits = food = happy. And when he started working on himself, he felt guilt and felt like he had to make it up to the little critters somehow (Poppy specifically, but A. He didn't know where she was at the time, and B. He figured non-sentient rabbits could be like a practice run, or stepping stones toward the right direction). So he tried to volunteer at animal shelters around Toontown, and ironically got along best with the rabbits (and the dogs course). One adoption and a relationship with his former co-star later, and it's cemented in Moony's mind that rabbits are the best animal (he named his pet Bunny Cake btw)

Ben Cottontail: Hm... Hard to say in all honesty... I think he might like fish? Like maybe as a kid, Ben had a pet goldfish or something, so he's more familiar with fish.

Ok, onto my other OC's XD

Betty Locera: Dogs. And canines in general. Betty would be the best dog mom. She's already a more outdoorsy gal anyway! (*cough* @marshmallow-biscuit-blog Betty would fricken love Boyyo. Joe can dump the dog on her if he needs a dog sitter. Or just a break)

Detective Sketch: Pigeons. Pigeons have been a constant presence in Sketch's life. Watching them land on their windowsill in the orphanage. Seeing them flying around the city. Pigeons kind of bring a sense of childhood nostalgia to Sketch ^^

Prism: She can't pick just one. There are so many amazing animals in the night dimension, and even more that she's read about in the waking world. How can she choose!? Though I do imagine she has made friends with an eatier, a nightopian creature I invented, named Mercedes (I should post about Eatiers now that I think about it 🤔)

Well, I think that about covers it. Thank you so much for sending this in! I loved it ^^

[rozaceous]

so you wanna know more abt mariko's family

behold, some background and meta abt mariko's family. doesn't really fit into the fic proper (much to my chagrin) but should give some helpful context both to mariko, and the events of ch 18. it's also just a bunch of behind-the-scenes world building, bc i find that fun.

copying from some of my chats w verm:

mariko's family moved to konoha AFTER the kyuubi thing bc they were hoping to avail themselves of the hospital (her mom's health stuff), which is why kaya gets pushed into becoming a medic/ninja. mariko is also encouraged but she would've done it anyway, so she genuinely felt no pressure abt that one lol

but this means there's a lot happening in terms of her family not knowing abt naruto and the kyuubi

so they're like 'rough around the edges but sweet kid who needs food' and they get backlash

that NO ONE can explain

lots of passive-aggressive pushback from the village, but it's literally illegal to tell them anything

and as far as they know uzumaki clan is respectable? like, tragic or whatever, but a big name, so this looks extra baffling to them

her parents actually contemplate leaving konoha a couple times (they're from the capital), but decide to stick it out long enough for the kids to finish academy/become established medics

mariko's family is ordinary, no secret bloodlines or political ties or anything, they just go to konoha bc konoha's hospital is supposed to be the best, can work literal miracles. so this is maybe a year post-kyuubi? i feel like konoha would be eager for some new blood at that pt still; they no doubt took a huge blow to their population, even besides the infrastructure and losing the yondaime, so mariko's family probably isn't the only one to do something similar.

kaya is at the perfect age to start academy, and they absolutely steer both their kids into becoming medics. there might even be weird politics abt providing chakra healing to non-ninja in situations that aren't life-threatening.

i think kanako and kenta would see them pushing their kids into medicine as smart. gathering from the context of canon and elaborating: w civilians, you're pretty limited to whatever the family business/trade is, and i think that ninja villages/being a ninja is actually a lot more egalitarian/meritocratic and free with this. let's maybe also include that they have daughters, and wouldn't be able to totally rely on passing down any business/trade unless they had someone marrying in. so giving their daughters a means of supporting themselves/earning personal prestige is smart.

but so kaya and mariko would be ninja--and thus valuable to the village--but not of a designation that puts them in any particular danger. i also think that being a medic from konoha is the sort of ninja profile that would carry a lot of social currency even with civilians. (this is why mariko's mom makes that comment abt her working in the palace. this also fits in w all the pts abt medicine and politics that we see in haku's chs.)

and yeah, i view the situation w mariko's family as a huge culture clash between--not just civilians and shinobi--but non-konoha civilians and the civilians that were raised in the village. even after over a decade of living there, they're outsiders, and made to feel like it because they had what they saw as basic decency towards their daughter's classmate and then had the audacity to be stubborn about it.

so yes, kenta and kanako were going to leave and move back to the capital once both of their daughters were graduated and working in the hospital. other fics have used as a device abt becoming a shinobi and receiving your hitai-ate as a marker of being a legal adult, and i'm running w that. as far as they're concerned, their daughters would then be adults with stable and respectable work and capable of sustaining themselves, and they could visit each other. i don't think this is irresponsible parenting.

ofc mariko getting assigned to team7 is a wrench in the works. like, a FIELD MEDIC?? （⊙_⊙）

but ok, ok, maybe it's not the worst? she's got a pretty capable sensei (forget that he's popularly nicknamed 'friend-killer kakashi') and naruto is a good boy. not...too sure abt that uchiha kid (they were around for the massacre and were this close to leaving for good bc of it) but it seems like it'll work out?

kaya would have a MUCH more realistic view of the situation than her parents, esp since she's dating a branch member of the hyuuga. but kaya's view is something along the lines of "let's just get mom and dad out of here asap" and then she and mariko can deal with their own problems. (i...really need to give kaya her own outtake...)

but yeah, everything is a disaster and it's delicious

[natsukicookies]

The itsohi bros

Chapter 7 || love unlock

You really hated this. "Why do we have to go? Better yet, why do I have to go?" you grumbled as your mother practically dragged you into the car.

The reason for your discontent? You were headed to your mother's best friend's house. She had lost touch with this friend for a while, but recently they reconnected, and she was eager to introduce you to her.

The thing was, you had a pretty busy week. You'd been out shopping with Yumiko, spent your afternoons playing with Bachira, and to top it all off, you had to deal with those annoying quest from the system. So, the idea of spending your precious free time meeting some friend's mom wasn't exactly thrilling.

Not to talk about the fact that the car ride was making you motion sick..

After what felt like an eternity in the car, you finally arrived at your destination. The car ride had been quite long and arduous, and you even had to endure a couple of bouts of nausea along the way. However, you were feeling much better now, thankful that the journey was over.

Your mother rang the bell and soon a pretty women with long under eyelashes, opened the door.

"Pretty" without thinking you blurted out and the women looked at you before laughing as she said "thank you, cutie pie" and booped your nose.

You giggled and followed your mother in. Your mother and the pretty lady were talking as they were walking, after sitting down on the living room couch, the pretty lady gave you some snacks to munch on.

Both of the women were talking while you quietly sat there. Soon after two kids came in. Both of them had the same pretty eyelashes as the pretty lady.

"Sae, rin!" The lady wave at them to come closer and so they did. "This is my best friend from college and this is her daughter" you waved at him.

Your mother nudged you to introduce yourself, "hi I'm l/n y/n, I'm 7 years old, nice to meet you" you greet them.

"Hi, I'm itoshi rin, am 6 years old" the guy with dark green hair introduce himself. It was now the other ones turn but he just stare.

"Sae, introduce yourself now" his mother said with a smile that didn't reach her eyes.

"Itoshi sae, 8 years old" that's was all he said before going upstairs on the other hand the younger brother sat beside his mother, Looking at you with his big Bright teal eyes.

His mother apologized "I'm so sorry about sae, he's pretty moody" your mother just laughed it off "he's just like you"

Both you and him stared while both of your mother was busy talking. His mother noticed this and told him to show you his room and stuff and he agreed and got up so did you.

"Um, Itoshi-kun," you hesitated, attempting to kickstart the conversation. "What kind of stuff do you like?" You wanted to get to know him better.

His eyes lit up, and he replied eagerly, "I really like soccer and horror games or movies!" He swung open the door to his room, inviting you inside.

"Really??" You responded with genuine excitement, although your enthusiasm for soccer was somewhat exaggerated. Everyone around you seemed to love it, but then again you did Sekaied into a soccer manag.

"Then do you wanna play soccer with me??" He asked and honestly you wanted to refused because 1: you don't like it, 2: you would prefer to watch a horror movie right and 3: you were tired.

But of course the world hates you because as you were about to say no, a screen popped up with a new quest.

ᴺᵉʷ qᵘᵉˢᵗ

ᴾˡᵃʸ ʷⁱᵗʰ ⁱᵗᵒˢʰⁱ ʳⁱⁿ

[ᴬᶜᶜᵉᵖᵗ] [ᵈᵉⁿʸ]

With a sigh of frustration, you reluctantly clicked "accept." "Sure, Rin! I would love to!" you replied, putting on a fake smile and clasping your hands together in front of you.

Inside Sae's room, Rin burst in excitedly, exclaiming, "Nii chan! Let's play soccer!" Sae appeared a bit skeptical, asking, "Right now? She's here, though?" He seemed to be referring to you.

"Y/n onee-chan said she will play with us!" Rin chimed in.

Sae then turned his gaze toward you, raising an eyebrow. "You know how to play that?" he questioned, his tone carrying a hint of irritation.

Your response was swift, and you retorted, "Better than you, actually."

Sae's eyes widened in surprise at your confident comeback. He had likely expected a different response from you. You were just a kid, after all.

With a competitive spark, he accepted your challenge. "Alright, 'Y/n onee-chan', let's see if you can keep up," he teased, leading the way to a small open area in their backyard where they often played soccer.

The three of you spent the afternoon playing an impromptu soccer match, with Rin on your team. While Sae was indeed skilled, you surprised them with your agility and knack for scoring goals.

As the game continued, your team scored goal after goal, and you couldn't help but gloat playfully. "Looks like you underestimated me, itoshi-kun!"

Sae, despite his initial skepticism, was a good sport about it. He grinned and said, "Alright, you win this round, l/n kun. But I'll practice, and next time, it won't be so easy!"

It was a fun and memorable afternoon, and you found yourself enjoying this unexpected soccer match more than you had anticipated.

"Did you all have fun?" Your mother inquired, her eyes dancing with amusement as she observed the three of you, your clothes smeared with dirt from your spirited play.

"Oh yes, Mom, it was a blast!" You chimed in, an impish grin on your face. "And guess what? I even managed to beat Itoshi-kun a couple of times!" You giggled, earning a playful scowl from Sae.

"Hey, that's just beginner's luck!" Sae protested, his competitive spirit clearly showing.

Caught up in your banter, you and Sae seemed to momentarily forget about Rin, who had been part of the game as well. He couldn't help but pout, feeling left out.

"Hey, you two! I was playing too, you know," Rin chipped in, a mock look of hurt on his face.

"We didn't, rinnie" you petted his head as you smiled at him.

After that the three of you watched a horror movie, both you and rin enjoyed it but sae on the hand...

"How do you even watch this stuff?!" He asked pretending to be not scared of it "cuz we like it." You explained "you can hold my hand if you're too scared?" You smile seeing as he had too much pride to admit the fact that he's scared. "No way" he shooed you away but as soon as a jumpscare appeared he clinged to her arm.

You and Rin exchanged amused glances as Sae tried to hide his fear. It was clear that he was pretending to be brave. You chuckled and whispered to him, "Are you sure you don't want to hold my hand now?" Sae reluctantly nodded, and you held his hand, making him feel a bit more secure during the movie's scary moments.

The car ride home was quick as since your tiny body got tired and was sleepy.

But before you could go to the world of dreams a new message appeared.

² ⁿᵉʷ ˡᵒᵛᵉ ⁱⁿᵗᵉʳᵉˢᵗ ᵘⁿˡᵒᶜᵏ

ᴵᵗᵒˢʰⁱ ʳⁱⁿ ᵃⁿᵈ ⁱᵗᵒˢʰⁱ ˢᵃᵉ

You stare at the screen, almost falling asleep one thought going through your mind 'how many more love interest are there..?"

[mysticbewitched]

Hii Mystic! I am new to your blog and after just a day of going through it (I found you yesterday through the drama), I feel so heard and I resonate deeply with what you say and think. I had new shift?( I don’t how to explain it) when it comes to my mindset, before when I would read other ND blogs, they would always speak about dropping everything, everything is meaningless, blah blah, — it really never helped me, I would feel very anxious/frustrated one moment and extremely un-feeling the next.

But after going through your blog yesterday I felt very seen, and you actually explained things very well for me. And things have changed SO MUCH it’s genuinely so shocking.

Last night I decided to let go completely, I told myself “You are god, everything is and effortless for you, you never need to worry about a thing. You will never experience what you don’t want to experience”

And immediately the morning after, I woke up 04:41 (I wanted to wake up early for school and do my routine, but I always failed at doing so, however the night before after accepting that I was god, I told myself “I will wake up at 5”, and went to sleep, AND I ACTUALLY DID!!).

Now, my school is really far away, but not far enough that I can’t walk to it, but I absolutely HATE walking to school because of the extreme heat. I TELL YOU RIGHT NOW I didn’t even affirm or think about this but my mom woke up and told me “I’m gonna drop you at school today, I have some stuff to do and I’m passing by there.” I was so surprised at how effortless and easy this was to manifest, and I didn’t even think of manifesting it! All I affirmed the previous night was that I would never experience what I didn’t want to experience. And BOOM it happened.

NOT JUST THAT but after school I had to walk back home, I told myself I didn’t want to so I won’t. I called my mom and asked her if she was near school, she said she was done with her errands and she would pick me up so we can drive home!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?? And at this point it all felt so normal!

I know this might seem small to others but it means a whole lot to me. I’m gonna work on my mindset and experience the life of my dreams

Thank you so much Mystic, finding you really helped me and I hope you continue with your blog to help others too. I’ll be supporting through and through.

Also, is the podcast okay? I can’t find the link and I really wanna listen to it.

Sorry for the long message, and I appreciate you reading through it!

Hello, love. Welcome.

Ah, it sounds as if my points of view were speaking to your heart and it felt right to you on a deeper, spiritual level. That's beautiful and touching to hear.

I'm so glad that you are able to deeply resonate with how I run things around here.

I felt the very same as you before and I know exactly how that feels. I'm so glad that you found me because you will never have to feel that way again.

I'm proud of you for embracing your inner divine nature and realizing your own power to manifest. Transform your perception of yourself and you will easily create the beautiful reality of your dreams.

I want you to know that you and everyone here has a safe space on my page for you to feel free to express your views and ask me anything that's on your mind.

Thank you so much for your support during these rough times. It truly means the world to me.

The podcast is on hold for right now because I don't feel comfortable about having my voice out there right now for just anyone to hear with everything that's going on. I hope that everyone understands.

I will continue with my page, but I'm most definitely considering taking a very long break from everything to focus on myself and catch my breath.

The only reason I choose to stay and keep up with my posts after all of this is because of my deep love for my followers. I want to be here for them.

Thank you so much your kind words and support.