#Frost? Maybe even Hit? I don't know yet if I'd want to do it

[fandom-trash-xl]

You ever just take a look at an alien species and go "you know what, I like you, I just want to explain how you work" for no reason

(This post is absolutely about Frieza)

[shzmluvrs]

this is so random but i feel like i need to share the mental image of 2019 freddy eating cornflakes

~ Star✨️

Freddy's Frosted Flakes

Prompt: Just your average teenage boy eating cereal. Nothing crazy going on here🥱. Well, besides saving the world. At the butt-crack of dawn. Again. Why can't the poor boy just be left to eat his cereal in peace🥲?

Timeline: Post Shazam! Pre S!:FOTG

TW/Content: None⚡️Well, probably some cursing⚡️Frosted Flakes (if you don't like Tony the Tiger, should you really even be here🤨?)⚡️Freddy being silly lol⚡️Reader is mentioned like, once, maybe twice

Reader: Non-Specified! Any Pronouns! Knows the secret!

Requested By: @anon-2019

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I wanna say this first real quick, if you don't know what Frosted Flakes even, are, here...

Corny, yes, but at least now you know🤷🏽‍♀️.

Anyways...

I'm not saying Frosted Flakes are his fave (yesIam), but when he requests for them every time Victor goes to the store and is one of the first to be searching through the bags the second he gets home specifically for them, it's hard to believe otherwise.

Personally, I don't think Freddy is the biggest morning person. Will he wake up? Sure. But don't expect him to be his "normal" self, all talkative and head running a mile per minute. He's probably the opposite.

Head empty, no thoughts, quiet mouth. Very much ghost activity, just wandering around his room in a daze looking for clothes that aren't just his boxers, and then downstairs with only the click of his crutch hitting the floor to be heard.

He rubs his eyes, and he finds the house empty, Rosa out shopping, Victor at work, his siblings? Who knows. Who cares. He's hungry.

He's stumbling into the kitchen, murmuring to himself about early-monring nonsense while opening the fridge door and scanning its contents.

Oh, sweet. Juice.

Knowing he shouldn't, having been told many times before, he drinks straight from the carton. He waterfalls it, at the very least, and then he spots the milk. Milk goes in a bowl along with a spoon and-

"Cereal." He mumbles again because he's still hungry💀.

I imagine he's the type to be very unconventional with his eating utensils if he has to be. If there are no clean spoons, he's eating that shit with a fork. Better yet, a small ladel because A) he'll be damned if he's gonna be washing any dishes this early in the day. And B) better for scooping anyway. If there's no clean bowls? He'll eat his cereal out of some tupperware🤷🏽‍♀️.

Also, sorry to disappoint, but he's a "milk first, then cereal" kinda guy. It severely threw you and Billy off when you first watched him do this, Mary said it was "illogical" and Pedro and Eugene make fun of him every time he does it.

You know what? On second thought, he's kind of glad no one's home to see him eat his cereal💀✋🏽.

Speaking of you...

"Mor-nin-g ... an-gel-....cake ... kissy sign..." He spells out under his breath, sending off the message with a smug feeling about him before placing his phone back down and scarfing down more of his cereal.

He's definitely a messy eater, milk all down his chin, food barely in his mouth because he's shoved in so much. At least he has the decency not to smack (because that drives even him, one of the messiest of eaters, nuts).

I also think he's definitely the type to have more than one bowl. Especially if there's milk left behind from the first one? He's not drinking that, he's using it for another helping💀. And he'll repeat the process until it's all gone.

But, if you didn't stop him, and you let him re-pour as much as he wanted, he'd eat (I'd say) 4-6 bowls max, depending on how hungry he is that day.

He's also the type to, when he's hungry but doesn't feel like fully cooking something for himself, or just try too hard in the kitchen in general (lazy ass😒), there he goes for those Frosted Flakes. He's convinced it's versatile, a breakfast, lunch, snack, dinner, and/or dessert food. Rosa has had to stop him from proving this point on several occasions; she will not let any son of hers live off of and eat up an entire box of cereal🥴💀.

ESPECIALLY IF ITS JUST BEEN OPENED OMG!! She gets salty if a box of cereal has just been opened and it's already half gone within a day. Like, she understands she lives with seven other people, but goddamn, there's no excuse for that😭.

'Vzz-Vzz!'

Freddy smiles to himself, mouth still full, but he can't help it because he's excited to see what flirty little morning response you had come up w-

'Hey dude idk if u kno this but the world needs saving so get ur captain i-have-all-powers ass up and come help'

"Mncht..." He clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. Leave it to Billy to kill his early morning groove...

He set his spoon down in order to use both hands/thumbs, fully indulging himself in having attitude with his mocking tone while he typed.

"I'm actually referred to as Captain Everypower, so get it right and maybe I'll come help."

Billy's response?

'🤓☝🏻'

Freddy groaned to himself, wanting- No, wishing nothing more than to just be able to finish his bowl of cereal. Normally, he'd be at least on his second bowl by now, but nope. Now he's gotta deal with some catastrophe on a half-empty stomach.

'Vzz-Vzz!'

"What now...?!"

'Morning Freds♡'

'Saw the news...'

Oh. It was you again. His frustration subsided for a moment, shoveling as much as he could into his mouth as he quickly sent, '🙄 so did I. Do I have to??'.

Not that he knew, but you had giggled on the other end.

Not that you knew, but upon seeing your response, he giggled, too, and the butterflies in his chest made this whole ordeal a little less miserable...

'Go save the world, Superman😘.'

This was silly, thank you sm for this lmao😭😻.

~ Star✨️

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Taglist:

@anon-2019

[shyrose57]

I've made like three new life smp posts in a row today, and I'm sorry, but I gotta. I watched more episodes, I'm only doing what I must.

Im just gonna like, chunk a bunch of my trains of thought in a single post and hope for the best, honestly.

Literally Martyn is the best, followed up by Sparrow, but anyway-

I think??? It'd be hilarious if the Colin-y was just. convinced that Martyn was just some fucked up creeper, and that's why they're friendly. Like, they all stay in the mountain, so Martyn shows up, he's vaguely blue, clearly cold, and has fur. Clearly that equals fellow creeper. So they just adopt him into the group, and that's why they all decided to pile into his base. Their new friend cant fit into the old den, so they move into the big new den. Or maybe the cave was their home first and his decision to live there cemented his creeper status. Martyn doesn't know why these particular mobs have just decided to be passive, and he's beginning to think he's never going too.

I also like the idea of Martyn being really new to being a hybrid?? Like he's clearly not used to his powers, sort of, right??? So what if he just like, recently manifested these traits. And even just recently showed up in the area, even. Maybe Sparrow could know him, or something.

If he messes up his timing and unfreezes before he hits the ground, is it gonna be like he shattered?? Just like, breaks into a million pieces right before his respawn, that melt into snowflakes. Think of the potential. Think of the angst. An icesicle shattering upon the earth.

Also, and this concept has been eating me alive, has there been a Snowgrave!Martyn yet, now that he has snow powers. Can anyone point me there?? Because like, with his current lore, a Watcher deciding it wanted to possess one of its fellows, or even just a Winner and snagging up Martyn in its games would be amazing to read about. His power slowly growing as servermates disappear, taking more and more hearts each time,, and he doesn't know why. And then, eventually there's only three. His snow buries someone alive. He feels himself die with them, from maybe his own frost, or the possessed player deciding he's outlived his use and doing away with him. Then there's just one.

Katherine is a human. I have been?? Crawling up the wall since I found out. I haven't even finished her episode. I don't know if she even survives it. I do not care.

So, let's set a background where, obvious exceptions aside, everyone has sort of grown up together, even if maybe distantly. And theyre all different species, with different abilities and needs and instincts.

And Katherine is human. Humans are social. How many traits and habits do you think she'd sort of absorb from everyone.

What if she was like, all the hybrids basic idea of human, and she forgets she's human herself half the time.

I am. Desperate for a fic where Katherine meets Sparrow. Or where everyone sort of knows her, and walk into meeting Sparrow with the idea that he's gonna be similar to her, and thus, similar to them. And just get smacked in the face with how different they are.

Give me a Katherine who's spent so long around people who aren't human that she just doesn't really clock that that's what she is.

Given that new life randomly rolls you an origin,, what's the chances of Sparrow having one already that he's gonna start 'manifesting'. Do you think its a bird. I need him to be a bird. At least once.

What if he dies and to come back as a phoenix or something. That would be so cool??.

What if like, fic wise, nobody's sure if humans are included in the respawn mechanics. If they come back at all. I think that'd be fun to explore. Everyone looking out a bit more for their human servermates. The angst potential of one of them dying and returning under this premise.

Also, and this just occurred to me, the humans are space orcs approach? I'd love to see that in a fic. Sparrow and Katherine just being weird and ridiculous by hybrid standards.

[peanut-butter-parkerxx]

he died his hair prank

peter decided to prank y/n by temporarily dying his hair silver..

pairing: peter x fem!reader

status: dating

peters pov

i finally found a way to get revenge on y/n and her stupid yet believable pranks, since she loves my brown hair so much, no i did not decide to cut it aunt may would literally murder me if y/n didnt so it before her, i decided to temporarily dye it silver but she doesnt need to know its temporary ;)

y/n/n and i decided to hang out in the evening since i told her i had to go run some errands for may, thankfully she believed  it, so now im on my way to go buy some hair dye....*nervous laugh*

i got the hair dye and i took all the stuff out spreading them on my bathroom counter, i decided to record this coz i dont think ill dye my hair again any time soon, plus it felt like i was filming a youtube video

"ok so i watched a couple of videos before this coz i dont wanna mess this beautiful gem up" i said reffering to my hair "im obviously not gonna bleach it, so lets hope my hair is light enough to show the dye" i prayed and attempted to put my hair in a ponytail and it looked pretty good, i watched how y/n does it on my hair everytime we do face masks but doing it for yourself is wayyy harder

*A/N: look at this cutie 🥰 anyways back to the story*

i dyed the side of my hair first getting the dye everywhere, thank god i took the bathroom rug out so it would not get stained, and then took the bun out and sectioned it

"dont let me down brad mondo" i whispered getting even more nervous than i was before i brushed the dye of the first section "i did it" i smiled proudly but then it hit me "i did  it, i did it, this part of my hair is silver! oh my god" i was panicking, what am i doing? this is a prank this is a prank its not real calm down peter

suddenly i got a facetime call from y/n

*babyyyy 💕👀 would like to FaceTime*

lit up my screen, i panicked a bit trying to find an excuse to not answer the call or at least not show her my face, but i remembered i was in the bathroom....hopefully this excuse will work

i clicked on 'accept' and waited for her to connect

"hey babyyyy" she beamed, shes cute when shes excited but her smile faded when she couldnt see me "where are you?" she asked

"im in the toilet babe, but i couldnt not answer your call" i laughed trying to act normal and backing up from my phone as much as possible

"oh" she laughed, i wanted to grab something from the counter and i thought i did it carefully but what she said, said otherwise "wait why is your hair silver?" she asked her eyes widening

"wHAT? what do you mean?" i squeeked, i hesitantly put the undyed of my hair to the frame and she sighed in relief "my hair is brown, love nothing to worry about"

"thank god, although you kinda looked like jack frost which was kinda hot....but no no no no i prefer brown, dont even think about it" she warned, i laughed at her statement, it kinda made me more confident, maybe i would look like jack frost "anyways, ill see you in a few, im almost at my house, gotta go, byeee" she said waving her hand at the camera

"byeeee" i put my hand in the frame and waved, she laughed and ended  the call...that was close

after a few curses and an hour of dying my hair, i finished! and im pretty proud of the results, lets just hope my hair doesnt fall out

*A/N: this is the only picture i found of a guy with a somewhat wavy hair so imagine this is him but with messier hair dye and its all over his hair but not till his roots, OH and silver lmao*

so i took a photo of my hair and sent it to ned, he was with me throughout the whole process coz i needed someone to talk to, i usually annoy y/n with my daily rants but i couldnt so ned had to hear me talk abt how Mrs Barbosa gave me extra homework for being late

After I texted Ned, I got a text from y/n/n

"Babyyyy 👀💕: hey Pete, where are we hanging out? My place or yours?"

I told her that she could come to my place because I got a 'surprise' for her, i knew i had to record this so i quickly placed my phone on the desk

"YOUR BITCH HAS ARRIVEDDD!" y/b barges in, flopping on the bed next to me

"h-hey y/n/n" i said laughing at her dramatic entrance but still confused on how she didn't  notice my hair, just act casual, she moved closer to my body looking at the computer thats on my lap

"what are you doing?" she asked curious "

oh nothing, just watching guys surprise their girlfriends with dying their hair a bad color"i laughed acting as casual as possible

"oh thats funny, but if you did that to m- *looks up* *big dramatic loud gasp* PETE- I- WHA- HOW-" her eyes were as big as ever, I've  never seen her this shocked "WHAT HAPPENED TO MY LUCIOUS BROWN CURLS" she shouted completely ignoring my computer and sits on my lap to get a closer look

"YOUR curls?" i laughed

"yes MY curls what happened to the light brown almost hazel in the sunlight curls?" she brushes my hair through her fingers trying to get the dye out "i dont think my brain processed this yet- WAIT YOU DYED IT RIGHT? SO THAT MEANS IT'LL STAY FOREVER?" looked down her mouth parted

"isn't  that what dying your hair means?"

"HOW ARE YOU SO CALM ABOUT THIS I MEAN ITS A WHOLE DIFFERENT COLOR, AND WHY SILVER-ISH GREY?"

"I actually really like it" I said combing my hair through my fingers but she swatted it away so she could look at it more

"babe *laughs* you said I'd look like Jack Frost" I told her tilting my head

"well Jack Frost is hot but you're hott-ER I don't want you looking like Jack Frost because I said so! I love you for who you are....especially your brown hair"

"so if I told I like it you'd be ok with it?"

"Yes if you like it and it's your choice? %100"

"so what if I said it's a prank?" She was gonna nod her head coz she thought it was like the other question but then stopped midway and widened her eyes

"your kidding"

"yes in fact I am" I laugh and point at the camera and she gasps

"you..you....YOU BITCH" she punches my chest jokingly "I ALMOST GOT A HEART ATTACK AND GOT ALL SAPPY AND MUSHY FOR YOU JUST SO YOU COULD PRANK ME?!" she shouts point her hands everywhere "You know I was like scared! Coz you said you liked it and I was like, oh no I gotta get used to this no more chocolate curls, but not as in i lied I just gotta get used to it which added more pressure than I already felt!" She stated but I only laughed even more and awed

"babe don't worry"

"I HAD A MATH QUIZ TODAY" she point at herself "AND YOUR HERE LAUGHING YOUR ASS OFF?? no wait let me sit on the bed since you like when I sit on your lap"

"no no baby I'm sorry" I said while laughing, her face was hilarious

"no you're not! and no kisses till Monday" she huffs and looks at the wall, I give her ten seconds until she turns around to ask one more question, and she did

"hop on the shower we're cleaning the white of you, you Jack Frost wannabe" well more like a demand I huffed but got up with her and turned the recording off

"neds gonna love this"

Have a wonderful morning/afternoon/evening/night!

-quacksonlover

[mercenary-jake-muller]

Fanart By Vanadise:

《...........................................................》

Jake Muller's Journal || Entry 01

《.............................................................》

November 12, 2019

"I hate days like these.

These types of days where I don't have to do shit. Just sit around all day and not do a damn thing.

People say I should relax more and sure, I like to relax some days. Hell, I need to sometimes, but what I hate is having to relax or sit around for too long. I always gotta do something or I just don't feel right, you know? I always think if I stay in one place for too long then there's a chance I can get attacked and hit the dirt as a forever resting place. Maybe it's the merc in me makin' me feel this way... Always on edge. Always in danger.

Since I got nothin' to do, I guess I'll just keep writing in this journal. 

God, I'm not really good at this shit--writing my thoughts down... Well whatever. Here goes nothing.

It's fuckin' cold outside. It's so cold that I could have freaking ice cycles comin' out my nose. While I was outside, my eye lashes were practically frozen together. I had bits of snowflakes all over me and my fingers were so cold that it hurt to move 'em when I needed to. Well, to be honest, the cold never really bothered me 'cause I grew up in it, yeah? Had no heating system when I was growing up. I only had my own body heat and one or two torn up blankets. When I was a little older, my mom would always try to make me get her blanket, too, but I would refuse 'cause I didn't want to make her freeze to death. I remember when I was real young, before she got sick, she would lie to me and tell me she didn't need any blankets to keep her warm. I'd always wake up in the middle of the night and check on her only to find her shakin' like a leaf, curled in her bed. I'd go grab all of my blankets and throw 'em on her and I wouldn't leave her side till she'd stop shakin'. Then I'd lay down on the floor and stay there with her during the rest of the night to make sure she didn't freeze  anymore. I didn't mind being cold if it meant she would be warm enough to sleep. After all, she worked all day, everyday, and I would be at home most of the time.

I'm in some fancy hotel room. The place is pretty nice and has air conditioning and running electricity and honestly it's way too fancy for me. There was a fuckin' towel folded up as a penguin on my bed. Like the hell? Who the hell gives a shit about what their towel looks like? Just give it to me so I can use it to dry off. The walls are all a dark red, the floor is a pale, tanned colored carpet, and the doors are the same color as the carpet. There's three fancy paintings of flowers and some of the other buildings that can be found in the town hangin' up in the bedroom, bathroom, and small lounging area. The bed has tan bed sheets and pillow cases and the blanket is a dark red-- almost the same color as the walls. There's a television placed on the dresser across from the foot of my bed, but I'm not gonna bother watching it. Never liked watching television, anyway. There's a big window on the right side of my bed. The drapes are the same color as the walls and the glass on the outside has frost covering most of it.

I'm only stayin' in this place 'cause a lady I was working for told me she was gonna pay for my stay while I'm in this small town. I finished a job for her two days ago. Had to kill some high and mighty prick who thought he'd win a mayor election by sending BOW's out to terrorize the town. He thought he could win by sending out military personnel to dispose of the monsters and pretend that he was the good guy. I hate people like that, who pretend to be somethin' they aren't just to get something they want. I'm not sure when I'll be getting another job. That's why I'm not leaving yet. Hopefully I'll get one soon so I can get the hell outta here and start movin' again. These jobs take me all over the world and I think I enjoy seeing the sights, culture, and people as much as I like taking up assignments. I really love tryin' new food and drinks, like different types of coffee.

Damn, coffee sounds good right about now...

Just sat down on my bed and got me a cup of black coffee while I was up. Took a quick shower to warm me up, too, and I kinda felt bad messin' up the penguin towel. Wonder how long it took the staff to fold it like that? Well, whatever. I bet they already have tons of others made that way, too. They gotta wash and dry the towels anyway. Got my pajamas on, also. Just a pair of navy blue, cotton pants. I never wear a shirt cause it's just uncomfortable wearing one when I sleep. Doesn't matter how cold it is, I still get too hot and sweat like a dog.

What else to write...?

...

Lookin' outside the window now as I gulp down my drink. It makes me warm up from the inside and so do a few memories. On days like these, where I don't have to do anything, all sorts of memories flood to the front of my mind. Good ones, bad ones... 

All of 'em. 

Used to, when I'd look out of a window while it was snowing, the snow would always remind me of my mom--and it still does, sometimes. Though, now when I see the snow... It reminds me of Sherry. It reminds me of the first day we met and how we had to survive together. I thought she was a preppy, know-it-all bitch who couldn't do a damn thing, but man, did she prove me wrong. She could beat the shit outta anyone and anything that got in her way and I bet she would have done the same to me if she had to. 

I remember when Ustanak, the crazy fucker, had shot down our helicopter and we landed in the snow. Somehow, we had survived the fall even though our parachute had gotten torn by the metal debris. I had blacked out and woken up to Sherry laying on top of me. My brain woke up real quick when I had lifted my hand to find it was covered in blood and I hurriedly got myself out from under her. My heart was pounding rapidly against my chest and a cold sweat came over me as I began to panic when I saw she had a piece of metal sticking out of her back. On the inside, I was freaking out 'cause some chick I just met was about to die in front of me. I kept thinking how it should have been me who should have had the shrapnel lodged into my back. Not her. Not some innocent woman. I doubt she had done anything bad in her life, while I had done all kinds of horrible shit...

She surprised me when she told me to pull it out of her and I thought she was nuts when she just begged me to do it. So I did. I pulled the thing outta her, tossed it to the side, and as I was about to start ripping pieces of clothing to make some sort of bandage, I was shocked to find her skin and muscles pulling themselves back together.

I gotta admit, that shit freaked me the hell out. 

After a while I got used to it. It was just part of her and something that helped formed her personality. I think she hated having it, though. Probably 'cause it reminded her of her parents and the shit she had to go through as a kid.  I never asked her about it, though.

I hope she's doing okay these days. Hopefully she isn't doin' anything stupid or getting herself into trouble. It's been seven years since I've last seen or heard from her. ...I wonder if she even remembers me. Well if she doesn't then it won't bother me. I couldn't care less if she remembers me or not. 

....

F U C K !

I spilled my fuckin' coffee all over me and my journal-! Son of a fuckin' bitch! Damn this shit burns like he--

.....

The coffee has dried finally and now I can end this entry. God dammit. Didn't think I'd get so  sidetracked while thinkin' about Supergirl. Spilled my own drink all over me and I had to change my pants. Now there's a big coffee stain over a few pages. Oh well. So long as I can still write in this thing. That's all that matters to me. 

Well, the sun is goin' down and I think I'm gonna get some shut eye. Hopefully tomorrow I'll get a new client so I don't have to stay here and get stuck in my memories for too long.

Jake Muller"

《You find some extra writing on the back of the page. It appears to have been scribbled over by three continuous, messy lines.》

"I need to stop thinking about her. Need to stop worrying about her so much. I'm sure she's doin' fine and has some pretty boy helping her out and giving her everything she could wish for. You can't give her everything she wants and you sure as hell can't stay by her side cause you gotta work. You don't wanna be like dad and leave her alone for the rest of her life... Besides, you're not good enough for her. She needs someone better than you. Time to move on, Jake....Even if you can't stop thinking about her. Dammit...

《...........................................................》

[caranfindel]

Recap/review 14.13: “Lebanon”

THEN: They hit me right in the face with gorgeous young 1.01 Dean saying "Dad's on a hunting trip and he hasn't been home in a few days" and beautiful baby 1.01 Sam saying "we've got work to do" and we end with 14.12 and Sam furiously punching his brother and then furiously hugging him and Dean saying "let's go home" and does anything else matter? No.

NOW: We see the reflection of Sam and Dean walking up to a pawn shop, with a nice selection of guitars and sunglasses and that weird monkey that was in Rocky's Bar. The proprietor seems friendly enough. Dean flashes him a wad of hundred dollar bills because they're looking for "the really good stuff." This gains them admittance into a secret back room full of things hunters would be interested in, including a hockey mask (?) and a perfume atomizer full of dragon's breath. They tell the guy they're looking for the skull of a specific woman who was executed during the Salem witch trials, and the fact that he has it basically proves that he killed the friend of theirs who previously owned it. (Also Sam picks up a teddy bear and starts to pull the string to make it speak and the guys warns him not to and this is Dean's role, isn't it, messing with things he shouldn't be messing with? But I don't care because chastized Sam and eye-rolly Dean are precious to me.)

Sam goes through a ledger of the guy's inventory and says he's got a lot of occult objects that they should take with them. (Dean plays with the dragon's breath. Sam ducks and flinches and does the really, Dean? thing with his hands and face. I laugh again.) Dean agrees they should take the stuff home.

Title card!

The Impala zooms past a sign welcoming us to Lebanon, Geographical Center of the USA. Then we find ourselves in front of a movie theater showing Beetlejuice and Hell Hazers (All Saints' Day is coming soon, and I imagine Route 666 can't be far behind), where a group of teenagers is talking about... somebody. "People say they're brothers," a kid in a knit cap says, "but all I know is, I was standing right here, and I heard this bam from the trunk of their car. And then, this like, shallow breathing." I'm pretty sure this is a fake-out, and it will turn out he's talking about someone else, but the Impala pulls up in front of the theater and Knit Cap Kid says "that's them!"

As the Winchesters get out of the car and enter a liquor store (decorated with that Family Business neon sign from Rocky's), Sam is still reading the ledger, which lists things like a hangman's rope, fairy dust, and John Wayne Gacy's cigar box. Well, that's oddly specific! The guy working there greets the "Campbell brothers" and knows their usual order. Oh, wow. I love that they're actually known in Lebanon, and that they're going by Campbell. And we know that actual Lebanon, Kansas is too small to have a movie theater or this much business downtown, but I'm happy to handwave that.

What do you mean, "happy to handwave that?" You're always complaining about the inaccuracies regarding tiny Lebanon having traffic cams and whatnot.

Well, maybe this episode just MAKES ME HAPPY, okay?

Anyway. Sam thinks cataloguing the confiscated items would be a good way to take Dean's mind off "things," but Dean's pretty convinced nothing will ever take his mind off that.

Outside, the teens are asking where the guys even come from, and what about their weird trenchcoat-wearing sidekick, and "that kid with the dumb Bambi look on his face all the time" (!) One girl says that, whatever the deal is with these guys, they do have an awesome car, and no one can argue with that. And the other girl, Max, who seems to smitten with the first girl, gets an idea.

Inside, Sam has discovered something significant in the ledger - the "beyzoo" (no, I know that's not how you spell it), which is one of eight ancient Chinese treasures. A pearl that gives you "what your heart desires." Oooh, getting rid of Michael, maybe? But as the guys are discussing this, Dean sees the Impala drive by the window. Guess Max figured out how to impress that other girl! (BTW, there are couple of COOL old trucks on the street.)

The guys see Knit Cap Kid standing on the sidewalk looking confused, and while Sam tells him the car is dangerous to whoever stole it, Dean looks like he wants to murder someone. And yet the Winchesters are confused when the kid says he doesn't want to die. (Or get locked in the trunk!) He says Max is new and he doesn't know where she lives. Dean raises a fist, but Sam pulls him away.

MURDER. I'D MURDER THEM.

Post office. There's a poster of stamps featuring old cars behind the customer service counter. I'm really getting my old truck fix tonight. Sam comes in with his sweet anxious smile and asks for help finding the girl who washed his car, since he forgot to tip her. Post Office Lady is not amused or helpful, or the least bit swayed by his sweet anxious smile. Then Dean comes in and calls her by name and asks about her grandson and she MELTS and he gets sincere and puts his hand on hers and she does exactly what I would do, which is offer up ANYTHING YOU WANT, ANYTHING AT ALL, WOULD YOU LIKE MY SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER WHILE I'M AT IT? Unfortunately, all she knows is where Max's mother works.

SAM’S FACE.

(Sidebar: Have I mentioned that Sam is wearing that nice blue jacket from the episode where he killed the alpha vampire? I like it. Toss that stupid orange jacket, Sam, and wear this more often. And Dean's wearing the black jacket that I always love.)

At the restaurant where Max's mom works, we learn that she has no idea where her daughter is, because she was supposed to be in school. But the guy working in the kitchen knows February 7 is Skip Day (is it always February 7? what about when that falls on a weekend?) and that she'll probably be at a party at this old house on Route 36. (Yes, I did confirm that Route 36 is just outside of Lebanon. Yes, I did use Mapquest. I'm old school up in here, y'all.)

Party house. The little batch of delinquents has taken all the boxes of occult objects out of the Impala for some reason. Including the evil teddy bear. Luckily, someone announces "pizza's here" before a girl pulls the teddy bear's string. At some point I've got to find out what would happen if you pulled it. Fic it for me, friends! (Also, I just noticed the teddy bear's mouth is SEWN SHUT and that's not creepy AT ALL.) The camera slowly pans to a wooden box, and we watch the lid open to reveal a smoky/dusty ghost hand. With a ruffled sleeve. Uh oh.

Knit Cap Kid runs in to warn the partiers that "those guys" are looking for Max, and he's told to chill. Another teen goes into the bathroom, where the mirror frosts over and then the CREEPIEST CLOWN EVER comes out of it. Seriously, creepier than the clown in Plush, which you wouldn't think was possible.

The Winchesters pull up in yet another antique truck, where Dean greets his car with "Baby, Baby, please tell me you're not hurt." Sam's more concerned about the boxes of dangerous occult objects missing from the back seat. Ghost Kid comes running outside and the girl following him tells the brothers that he saw a clown ghost that tried to kill him. Maybe it's my imagination, or maybe Sam has a flash of crap, a killer clown ghost expression before they run into the house.

Dean announces they're FBI and everyone needs to get out, now. Once the room is cleared, he asks if "anything screams clown to you?" Sam immediately notices John Wayne Gacy's cigar box and guys, I'm ashamed to say I didn't put the two together until now. The killer clown ghost is John Wayne Gacy. And Sam is freaked the fuck out about it. "We should burn that right now," Dean says, in a lovely holding-in-the-freakout way, and Sam rushes to throw it into the fireplace. Then Dean says "I mean, this is like a best worst thing that's ever happened, because you love serial killers, but you hate clowns" and I'm DEAD. (I'm also loving TWO gifts from the Continuity Fairy in once sentence.) The lights start flashing before Sam can get his lighter lit, and then the killer clown ghost shows up and tosses Dean around. Knit Cap Kid and the girls run back inside just in time to watch John Wayne Gacy's ghost go up in flames. So the kids get the "monsters are real" speech and are told to keep it secret.

Back at the bunker, Sam's going through the occult goodies and thinks he found the magic pearl. Dean's ready to use it right now, and dismisses Sam's suggestion that they call Mary or Cas. If it doesn't work, he doesn't want to have gotten their hopes up. Sam looks distressed at the idea it won't work, but agrees. The pearl doesn't come with any instructions, so Sam suggests Dean hold it and concentrate on what his heart desires. "Michael out of my head," Dean says, and I'd have been more specific. I'd have concentrated on Michael out of my head and destroyed, and me perfectly fine, but, well, what do I know?

(Also, I KNOW all you Wincest and Destiel fans are gonna have your own ideas about what - or who - appears in front of Dean when he’s granted what his heart desires. This setup is better than sex pollen. Have fun, my kinky little friends.)

Dean clutches the pearl and concentrates, and the lights flash and then go out, and in the red emergency light we see someone in the bunker. Someone fighty, who knocks both brothers down and then pulls out a shotgun and says "don't you move," but it's a familiar voice and then the lights come on and what do you know? Winchester Surprise!

So, was anybody truly surprised? I covered the guest stars on first viewing, as I always try to do, but I noticed on rewatch that they didn't even credit JDM at the beginning of the episode. Which they sometimes do, to avoid spoilers. And yet. Has there been a single episode of this series that was more spoiled? I don't think so.

(Sidebar: What do you think would have happened if Sam had taken the pearl and made a wish? I think Michael would be gone. Because I don't think there's anything Sam wants more than saving his brother.)

Back to our story. Everyone is shocked. John thinks Sam should be in Palo Alto, apparently in his 14th year of post graduate work. He thinks he's still in 2003, and he doesn't notice his boys are older. And they apparently don't notice that his hair is very short and a lot greyer than it was when we last saw him. (I mean, really, they slapped a wig on Samantha Smith to make her look like The Last Version Of Mary, so why couldn't they do the same thing with JDM? It's distracting.) Sam figures they must have accidentally summoned John from the past. So they do what one does in this situation - sit down and drink.

John's astonished. Dean's proud. Sam's visibly anxious. We don't get to see exactly how much of the backstory they tell him, but they do tell him about the apocalypse and Lucifer and living with "an angel and Lucifer's kid." And now John thinks he died "taking out Yellow Eyes," which... not really? But okay. And they don't tell him Mary's back, until he mentions her and Sam's, all, yeah, about Mom, and then she comes in and John hears her voice and tears up and dammit. This reunion is everything I didn't think I ever wanted. I mean, I've made no secret of the fact that I'm not a fan of John Winchester. He's a fascinating character and JDM does a great job with him, but he's such an awful father (don't bother arguing with me, you will not change my mind) that I can't really like him. And I'm not too impressed with resurrected Mary, either. But when these two come together... damn. It's good. It's very good. Well done, you two.

I love that the boys give them some privacy, because it's been over a decade since John saw them, but it's been even longer since he saw his dead wife, and this should really be a John and Mary reunion.

Out in the hall, Dean's gleeful and Sam's all, how the hell did this happen? Dean explains that he's wanted this since he was four years old (oh, my heart) but Sam warns that messing with time will not end well. I don't actually remember Sam being that concerned about the unintended consequences of time travel, but I'm sure there's a good reason he's bringing it up now. Dean doesn't care. Dean just wants one family dinner together (oh, my heart again, remembering his one last dinner with Mary).

Sam, sans Dean, runs into John in the library, because Mary's off making a shopping list and he decided he'd rather examine the bunker than be involved in that I guess? Okay. But then this happens.

I screwed up with you a lot, didn't I?

No, that's okay.

No, it's not. Sammy, tell me the truth.

I don't want to talk about that.

You didn't have a problem talking about it before you left.

Dad. For me, that fight, that was a lifetime ago. I don't even remember what I said. I mean, yeah, you know, you did some messed-up things. But I don't... I mean, when I think about you... and I think about you a lot... I don't think about our fights. I think about you... I think about you on the floor of that hospital, and I think about how I never got to say goodbye.

Sam. Son. I am so sorry.

I'm sorry too. But you did your best, Dad. You fought for us, and you loved us. And that's enough.

OH MY GOD. This is everything I ever wanted.

1. John admitting he was a crap parent to Sam.

2. Sam trying to sidestep that - because he's Sam Winchester and that's what he does - and John not letting him.

3. Sam finally calling him out instead of just saying nah, it's fine.

4. John calling him Sammy.

5. Sam pointing out that he didn't get a goodbye from John. (Did he ever find out that Dean got praise and an apology?)

6. John apologizing.

7. Sam forgiving him.

8. "And I think about you a lot."

9. The way Sam keeps having to stop talking and look away and make that little "hmmm" noise.

10. And the tears.

10b. The way Sam tears up even before The Talk, when he remembers them as kids trying to make Winchester Surprise.

11. The shaky voice.

12. And Sam's shirt.

13. And the way Sam's expression looks so much like his expression in Sacrifice, when he tells Dean that his confession was about how he let his brother down.

This, right here, is two minutes and 24 seconds of the best television I've ever seen. I don't care what else this episode does, this 2:24 is worth it. And yes, this is three weeks in a row that Jared Padalecki has ripped my heart out of my chest and STOMPED ON IT.

And I love it.

Meanwhile, Dean gets the shopping list from Mary. Sam finds him and tells him he's right, because Sam also just got everything he ever wanted, and then offers to go shopping with him. (Saaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmm!!!!!!!)

When they get to town, the guys split up - Sam to the grocery store, Dean to the liquor store. Dean's surprised to see the liquor store guy, the one who remembered his "usual" earlier in the day, has no idea who he is. If Dean had ever seen "It's a Wonderful Life," he might say this is just like when George Bailey goes into Martini's Bar and isn't recognized. But apparently Dean Winchester, pop culture aficionado, has never seen that movie (no, I haven't gotten over that, and I never will) so he doesn't recognize a classic uh oh, we changed the course of history moment when he experiences it.

Meanwhile, Sam steps out of the grocery store and finds that neither Max nor the postal clerk recognize him. And then he sees a wanted poster in the post office window. Dean Winchester, wanted for assault, murder, and credit card fraud. Whoops! He trots to the car, where Dean is waiting, and tells him they have a problem. "Yeah, we do," says Dean. "Check this out."

He shows Sam his phone and it's a video of SAM IN GLASSES AND A BLACK TURTLENECK AND SLICKED BACK HAIR GIVING A TED TALK. HE RUNS A LAW FIRM AND LOVES KALE. IT IS THE SECOND MOST AMAZING THING I'VE SEEN TONIGHT.

HE'S STEVE JOBS.

So, those of you who were spoiled... did you know about this? Or did they actually keep THIS AMAZING THING under wraps?

Sam Jobs tells his audience that being your best leaves no time for hobbies or a family, and Sam has seen enough. He tells Dean about the wanted poster, and Dean says yes, of course he googled himself too ("a lot of beheadings," hee!!!) and wonders if there are alternate versions of them running around. Sam thinks it's a "temporal paradox," and time is self-correcting, changing to the new one. If they don't fix things, they'll become those alternate versions of themselves. "Well, I'm cool," Dean says, "but you're, ugh." Sam's less worried about them, and more worried about what else might have changed.

(Sidebar: You know, I could quibble about why bringing John forward in time has such a significant butterfly effect, but bringing Mary back, and their other time travel, and Henry's time travel, changed nothing. I absolutely could. But I choose not to, because SAM JOBS, Y'ALL. But okay, let's think about it. 2003 John would have disappeared while Sam was at Stanford. Dean wouldn't have gone to get Sam. Or Sam would have refused to go. Maybe the hurt on both sides was still too fresh. Maybe that's why Dean's hunting alone, and Sam's an internet-famous lawyer.)

What else has changed, you might ask? How about ZACHARIAH? That's right, my favorite angel is back. And with him is ORIGINAL FLAVOR CAS WITH HIS FLUFFY HAIR AND THINGS JUST KEEP GETTING BETTER AND BETTER. Zachariah calls him "Constantine" and Castiel says "I don't understand that reference" and THANK YOU BABY JESUS, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I DID TO DESERVE THIS, BUT THANK YOU. They enter Max's mom's restaurant and ask who's been messing with time. (Because she would know?) And if they don't start talking, he'll have Cas murder all of them. "My name is Castiel," he intones solemnly. "I'm an angel of the Lord." YES YOU ARE. He reveals himself like he did to Dean (no, not like that, jeez) with the shadow wings. Outside, the Winchesters see the bright light of an angelic reveal coming through the restaurant windows, and they know something's up.

They herd everyone out of the restaurant, and are shocked to see Cas and Zachariah. Zachariah is equally surprised to see them. He says they had big plans for the Winchesters, but then their father disappeared and... and he doesn't finish, so we'll never know why yoinking John out of 2003 changed any of that vessel stuff. (Handwave!) Cas, of course, doesn't know them, and when Zachariah orders him to kill them, he complies.

Dean pulls out an angel blade but is, of course, unwilling to actually kill Cas, so he starts hitting him with other things. And Cas, for whatever reason, doesn't just put a finger on his forehead and kill him dead. (Handwave!) Zachariah chokes Sam and asks him what they did, even though he can't talk because he's choking (handwave!) and Sam acts like he's trying to speak so Zachariah gets closer to hear him, and Sam stabs him with an angel blade. Cas continues fistfighting with both of them, and slams Sam head-first into a table a couple of times, leaving him spitting blood on the floor. Which Sam uses to paint an angel-banishing sigil while Cas is choking Dean. Smart Sam for the win!

Bunker. Pretty bruised Dean has explained the temporal paradox, and John accepts that he has to go back, or else Mary will probably disappear. "Okay," he says. "I mean, me versus your mom, that's not even a choice." DAMMIT JOHN WINCHESTER DO NOT MAKE ME CARE ABOUT YOU. Elsewhere, pretty bruised Sam explains it to Mary, and tells her John won't remember anything.

John tells Dean he never meant Dean to have this kind of life. He's proud of him, but he hoped he'd be able to have a normal life, with a family. "I have a family," Dean says. They sit down and have one final family meal together, and everyone's quiet and sad until John points out that they can either think about what's going to happen, or appreciate what they have right now. They cheer up and listen to Bob Seger (well, we listen to Bob Seger) and talk and laugh and have the family dinner Dean has always wanted.

Later, while doing the dishes, Sam says how unfair it is that they all had this and then have to throw it away, and John has to go back to being Dad. He thinks it would be nice for John to go back knowing what he knows now. "I used to think that too," Dean says, and admits that he's blamed both John and Mary for their crappy lives. And if they could send him back to 2003, or even earlier, maybe none of the crap would happen. "But here's the problem. Who does that make us? Would we be better off? Maybe. But I gotta be honest, I don't know who that Dean Winchester is. And I'm good with who I am. I'm good with who you are."

Later. Mary and John are holding hands, and I guess they're doing the thing now. I'd hoped they'd at least let these two have one last roll in the hay (especially since I'm pretty sure Mobby is permanently done after this), but no. They have a very sweet goodbye and their sons are brokenhearted and I am too. John tells his boys to take care of each other and Sam says "we always do." That's a nice change from telling Dean to take care of Sam, isn't it? He tells them both (BOTH) that he's proud of them and loves them, and they have a three-way hug and Sam wipes his eyes and Dean says "love you too" and I REALLY CAN'T, BOYS, YOU HAVE TO STOP. Then John takes Mary's hand again and Sam crushes the pearl (why does Sam have to be the one to do it?) and John glows and then fades away.

We get a quick glimpse of downtown Lebanon returning to normal, and the three teens talking about how cool it is that "those guys hunt monsters," and then we're back to the bunker. Cas walks in the door and sees the remaining Winchesters, obviously distressed, and asks what happened. "Well, there's a story," says Dean.

And finally, we see the Impala WITH HER ORIGINAL KANSAS PLATE. John's asleep in the driver's seat when he gets a phone call from Dean. "No, I'm okay, I just had one hell of a dream. No, it was a good one."

GUYS. GUYS.

When I heard there was going to be a musical episode for the 200th, I was sure it would suck. When I heard about the Scooby Doo crossover, I cringed, because I knew it would be awful. WHY AM I ALWAYS SO WRONG.

Eh, who cares why. Let's just appreciate what we were given. Happy 300, my friends. Here's to 300 more.

(Please help me stay unspoiled for future episodes, thanks!)