#GOD WHY DO I MAKE MYSELF CRY

[ur-fav-alien]

More s4 Billy thoughts.

I'd like to think that Billy would be forced to stick with the kids when the older kids have to go into the upside down, but he not happy about it lol. Like during that whole scene where they're all getting into the boat and Billy starts getting into the boat, but Eddie stops and says:

"Yeah no- this boat can barely fit like 4 people, okay? I doubt it's going to fit 5." And Billy look it's not like Billy wants to go into the upside down, like that's probably the worst place for him to go after the Mind Flayer situation and the fact that he's cursed by this Vecna asshole, but he does not want to be with these stupid kids. He wants to be with his boyfriend.

So he starts saying that Nancy should stay with the kids because "Isn't it like in your nature to be good with kids?" and Billy might be a little misogynistic because he has mommy issues and still an asshole to people who he doesn't really know. That little questions gets Nancy all riled up and she says "No, actually I'm not. Steve has the best expierence with them, Steve should stay with them if you really want to go."

"Steve needs to stay with me."

"Well we can't have both of you gone."

"I doubt you give a shit if I left, you just want Steve."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you're still in love with Steve."

And everyone kinda has an 'oh shit' moment, like even the kids are shocked that Billy just said that. Nancy has this offended look on her face, Robin and Eddie look like Billy just killed someone, and Steve looks like he wants to kill himself. Steve apologizes to Nancy really quickly and excuses himself to talk to Billy alone where he drags Billy by his shoulders back into the woods.

Steve's shocked about all of this with his "Are you kidding me? Why the fuck would you say something like that? Nancy doesn't even like me anymore, she's dating a whole different dude! And just 'cause he's in California doesn't make they're over with. And even then, why would she go for me again?" And Billy retorts with, "Are you fucking with me right now? She's been on you this entire fucking time! When she waved at you at that crime scene, when she helped picked spider webs out of your hair and said 'you're all pretty again now', and how she wanted you to join her and robin on their little fake identity adventure at the pysch ward. She. Wants. You."

"If she does want me, what's the big deal? It's not like I'm going to go back to her."

Billy kinds shuts up at this, his lip twitches and he starts looking everywhere, but Steve's eyes. Steve finally gets like, like a lighter being flickered on, the flame has finally lit up in his brain.

"Billy do you... do you think I might go back to her."

Billy shrugs, not having the balls to answer the quesitons truthfully. "I don't know... I mean... I've kinda been a lot for you to handle-"

"What!? Are you kidding me? I've dealt with 4 sassy ass children this past year- 6 of them just last year and you think you're difficult to handle?"

"Don't lie-"

"I'm not! Yeah, sure, you're panicked nightmares keep me up but I like comforting you. I like the fact that I can comfort you. You have no idea how much I love you, no idea." Steve's holding onto Billy's shoulders really tightly because Billy likes it when Steve holds him in place, gives him a sense of grounding. "And if I'm honest... I don't like the idea of you going down there at all. With everything that's going on I'd feel much better if you were up here."

Billy dwels on this for a moment before finally letting out a annoyed sigh. "Fine... whatever." Steve's eyes shine brightly. "I'll stay, but I swear to god Harrington there better be a 6 foot pole between you and Wheeler or I will strangle you with these headphones."

Steve thanked him for being understanding and they shared a super sweet kiss super romantic blah blah blah. They come back to the group and Billy (slightly) apologzies to Nancy. Being forced to by a nudge with Steve's elbow and a glare from Max.

The older kids finally got on the boat and Billy threatening told Steve to stay safe or he'll "revive you only to kill you again you fucker!" Steve blew him a secret kiss.

And yes, Billy did stare at Steve's chest hair with Max. The two started fighting over the binoculars. They'll disagree a lot, but they'll agree on one thing, Steve Harrington can get it.

Billy doesn't get caught by the police because are you serious? That dude has ran from the police on several different occasions and won every single time. He finds out that the older kids have dissapeared, freaks out for a second before realizing that he needs to get the kids back. He goes back to that reefer rick guys house but the cops are looking through the car they used so he can't use that but he does find a motorcycle in reefer ricks garage and goes fucking crazy with it. (I just like biker Billy and I think that would be really hot cool of him) This leads to Billy going to the Wheeler's house, seeing Dustin through Nancy's window and becomes s1 Steve Harrington. The kids update him on everything and he shares a quick hello to Steve who gives him a "hi :)" back with an "I'm okay" to soothe Billy's nerves because Steve knows his boyfriend. And everything is mostly the same but that scene where the kids are all riding their bikes away from the Wheeler house, but with Billy in the front of their group on the motorcycle and it looks like some wack ass bike gang. I love that I'm sorry.

[marblerose-rue]

click for better quality!!

lionkit/hollykit/jaykit

big, big plans

[sunnibits]

literally fucking sobbing screaming tearing my hair out shitting bricks looking at this image bc it hurts me SO fucking bad now that we’ve seen izzy in s2. look how fucking devoted and in love he is even THEN when they were ALREADY fucked up and falling apart. he was still so in love. he was still so fucking happy to serve. so sure that everything was gonna work out his way. that they could be happy (or as happy as pirates can be). and now it has actually gone so far that IZZY FUCKING HANDS OF ALL PEOPLE is fucking broken and can’t take it anymore. izzy fucking hands is crying because of how hurt he is. izzy fucking hands is going to leave edward teach. the man who was still in love even after he was fed his own severed toe. they have fucked up that fucking badly. it’s over.

[vampirepunks]

People who don't empathize with Higgs' perspective on the "fair exchange" of killing to sustain his powers have probably never been in life-or-death situations of having to make impossible choices to survive. It's not pretty, it's not right, but human nature can be extremely cruel upon being forced into constant survival mode, especially over a period of years.

Self-justification is really the only means of coping in such circumstances. Higgs soothed himself and tried to minimize the horror by honoring the people he killed. ("corpses are precious, powerful things. They're so much more than bombs. Terrorists ought to treat them with proper respect.")

The true tragedy is that Higgs really didn't think he had other choices available. It's not excusable, but in my opinion it is forgivable.

[prapais]

doesn’t it hurt? doesn’t it hurt to feel so much and pretend... not to.

[pardonmydelays]

nina rosario is the most relatable character ever bye

[that-was-anticlimactic]

one of the worst feelings ever is wanting to write but your hands hurt too much or the words just don’t want to work so you just sit there staring at a half finished doc with tears in your eyes bc you want to write and you need to write but everything is telling you that you can’t

[anotherpapercut]

working with children really will make you examine your thought processes and emotional reactions like nothing else. I've found myself being so much more thoughtful in my daily life about how I respond to my emotions and environment, as well as the reasoning behind why others behave the way they do

[rapidhighway]

I didn’t go to sculpture again……

[sophiethewitch1]

in my hater era

[loveofastarvingdog]

i think voncid’s voice when he’s grieving at the end of ep 32 is so…. god. i’ve been thinking about older queer people lately and especially queer grief, and there’s something so lovely about the way voncid speaks about the second death of it all

[forgotten-daydreamer]

I CAN'T FOCUS. I HAVE A PAPER DUE 10 PM AND- I CAN'T FOCUS AT ALL. PLEASE. WHY. IT'S IMPORTANT.

[hauntingblue]

Justice for jolyne wdym emporio defeated pucci

[miallurk]

In these days i realized i like art and writing and creating and shopping and taking walks and talking to people and cleaning and helping and studying and doing things but i'm just. too stressed, tired and burned out to do them. How great!

[victory-cookies]

I wish I could handle myself in an argument without fucking crying

[icharchivist]

digging in my old clack tags is me constantly going "oh this is where i discovered that song from" over and over again huh