#Going back to the abyss are we Soren

[imminent-danger-came]

hi. mentally ill about soren and claudia. the siblings in tdp all make me insane but soren and claudia are so. viren's daughter claudia and her brother soren (he doesn't like soren). the fact that at first claudia seems like the nice one but soren questions when he's doing the wrong thing and claudia digs herself deeper every chance she gets. that one scene where to protect ezran (?) (it's been a while since i watched this bit) he threatens claudia and she just looks so heartbroken and determined. they both do. because they still do care so so much about each other, it's just that they've taken such different paths and neither of them is willing to bend, not even for the other. <- not normal

OMG A TDP ASK FOR ME??????????????

Who doesn't love Soren and Claudia.

Like, Soren was willing to kill his father in the name of what was right, and Claudia was willing to bring her father back from the dead ignoring what was right ("I did things...I never imagined I would be able to do"). Claudia in s2 wants to "use [her] words not [her] muscles" but when it comes down to it, she's always going to use the strength dark magic gives her to get what she wants, and Soren has since learned that forgiveness and friendship are powerful things. Claudia has only distanced herself from the personhood of the creatures/people around her further and further (which is part of the danger of dark magic), while Soren has only become more and more aware of it.

Soren would jump headfirst into the sea in heavy armor to save an innocent baitling, whereas Claudia would try and squeeze her former friends to death for the sake of her goal. They both have a completely different understanding of the value of life, at all different levels, with Viren learning that value later:

And I think Soren learning to value life more and more over the course of his arc 1 er, arc, only adds to the fact that he's willing to kill his father at the end of s3.

Had Soren been down in the ocean with the rest of the gang in 5x09, I think he wouldn't have hesitated in killing Claudia either, despite how much he cares about her.

While Claudia's followed the dark path of her father ("Daddy look! I'm following in your footsteps!") Soren's been trying to walk a different path. To follow Ezran and his efforts for a brighter future.

I just think they're neat!

(For context, these scenes take place right after one another. Soren staying on the surface to look after their creature friends VS Claudia who sinks bellow to the ocean floor using the corpse of a pentapus)

Bonus "My eyes for truth" and seeing personhood comp:

[raayllum]

actually yeah I'm back on my Chessmaster Ezran bullshit because like

He's the one who called Zubeia away from the Storm Spire, thus intentionally leaving Claudia a much better window during which to retrieve the staff and led to Ibis' murder

Ezran is ofc the one who discovered the egg in the first place and set into motion a ton of what happens in the series alongside Rayla (whereas Callum's discoveries/decisions take a little

"Soren began to imagine Ezran as a kindling flame, a bright little light holding back the abyss [...] the young king was not only Katolis' hope, but all of Xadia's, too."

He argues to focus on retrieving the prison rather than going for the Nova Blade, and in chess you constantly gotta prepare and pick your battles against said opponent

"His pawns are working to free him even as we speak."

Ezran having an honest version of Aaravos' ability to possess people through his bond with Zym and being able to see through Zym's eyes

The Orphan Queen being the one to unveil and ultimately kick off Aaravos' imprisonment with Ezran presumably stepping into her shoes

"I should have seen it before. Ha! Long ago, it was a human who saw through the Fallen Star’s schemes and helped Xadia put an end to them. You look so much like her."

Ezran repeatedly overcoming imprisonment and cheating death precisely because of the people who love him, whereas Aaravos symbolizes both of those things

Ezran having his own game motif of hide and seek and subsequently being the one to find where the prison was Hidden

"[About the key] It's a toy, a piece from a children's game." / "The whining child king, in over his head and he knows it."

[theofficersacademy]

                               Delthea   Sain   Forde   Kris (M)                           Soren   Leonardo   Lianna   Micaiah   Python                                 Griss Mark Sylvain   Sigurd   Azama

TEAM TAG: #AOpi2024 WEEK THREE

You dream of being full, once upon a time.

You wake to your stomach's snarls, not for the first time since you've been here.

Keranes' house lies empty. All that's left behind is a lone journal sat on a desk. You feel as though it shouldn't be here, as though you shouldn't be here, as though you are but looking over someone's shoulder and feeling her knees go weak as she reads. . .

Our souls are blighted, our spirits broken. We are but twenty now. Myself (75) Celephais (68) Electra (22) though she yearns for death after Arke was lost Phorcys (35) Aphaea (12) Delthea (██) Sain (██) Forde (██) Kris (██) Soren (██) Leonardo (██) Lianna (██) Micaiah (██) Python (██) Griss (██) Mark (██) Sylvain (██) Sigurd (██) Azama (██) and Melita Many of us perished to the Flood and the journey. Their names, so that I may never forget them: Minos (9) Arke (3) Nephele (5) Bronte (129) Eurus (148)

Others succumbed after settling: Chiron (10) Brizo (6) Euphorie (29)

And others yet may lose themselves to the abyss if we fail to act quickly, I am sure. We must go on, but not like this. Our pain is too great, we lack the strength and willpower needed to survive the winter here. Celephais had this idea… A shared dream sounds ludicrous on paper, but I believe her idea is sound. By sealing ourselves in Ruthalia’s mountains with magic and remembering the times before this happened, we can preserve the strength we do have while lifting everyone’s spirits. When spring comes and we’re forced back to reality, it will be bitter, but by then we will remember why we came all this way… As the oldest, our magic stores will be fueling the spells keeping our bodies safe and our dreams active. I dare not even think of what would happen to our minds should the magic falter. Cele and I will likely wake up in a terrible state, but it will all be worth it. I want my future self to know that whatever happiness she feels when she wakes up is my reason for doing this.

You wake up. Your stomach growls.

WHAT YOU KNOW

Tensions are high. Too many mouths and not enough food means tough decisions must be made. The future looks bleak and famine has taken from you already. Brizo and Chiron didn't make it with their meager rations. Euphorie did not wish to live in a world where both of her children are dead.

Keranes and Celephais have seen to which lengths despair has driven their family. They have a plan,

and you are all invited to take part in it.

(A part of "you" balks, revolts at the idea. A part of "you" wonders if maybe...)

WHAT TO DO

Food

The majority vote for ration distribution was as follows,

Allotted half ration: Leonardo, Soren, Micaiah, Sigurd, Brizo, Aphaea, Celephais (given to Melita), Kris, Python, Chiron, Keranes, and Delthea Not allotted: Lianna, Euphorie, Melita (given Celephais'), Electra, Azama, Sylvain, Sain, Forde, Griss, Mark, and Phorcys

Mechanically, this will immediately apply OOC going forward into week three threads. Narratively, you are free to play out the consequences of this group decision and any disagreements that may have resulted from it.

You are also free to hunt or forage for food all the while. To do so, roll 1d8. A 7 will yield a single ration. Plants and animals have become scarce. The river has receded. If the mission didn't have a deadline before, it does now.

Consider their offer

You don't have to decide right away, Celephais notes. Feel free to talk amongst yourselves. You could go to sleep, be happy for a time, and be wakened come the spring. This would resolve the need for food at the same time.

But maybe you don't yet feel driven near enough to the edge of despair?

Re: The Outskirts

A strange, shadowy creature has been sighted on the outskirts of town now and again. It feels familiar to "you." "You" wish it were nearer, even if the sight of it fills you with dread, with the knowledge that this creature should already be dead.

Any post made outside of town borders, whether in search of food or otherwise: roll a 1d3. These rolls should be tracked individually for each muse, rather than as a group. If a player rolls a 3, the creature has them in its sights. . . they are being watched.

On that player's next turns in the thread, from then on, roll a 1d3. If they accumulate both a 1 and a 2, the shadowy, cloaked creature takes them away, away, away. . .

IMPORTANT NOTES

Stay tuned for solo shenanigans on Friday (likely afternoon).

Apollyon Ouranos is intended to be mostly driven by the players unless otherwise stated. This week will feature mostly intercharacter-driven interaction.

Short replies are encouraged. At the moment, there is no set time limit for replying, but players who are absent should be skipped accordingly. Be sure to communicate with your team in chat.

Team Pi's team doc! Please do use it to take notes, keep track of materials, and overall jot down any important information to share with the team.

Ping Mod Key for questions or additional info.

[berri-hopefulspouse]

"I...I won't...forget this- AETHER...!"

(TW Abuse, Wars, Slight Gore?, Alot of Gaslighting)

(Story pieced together from convos with @creamecream! Corrupt AU was her idea, go give follow <3)

Everything was going perfectly. The coalition of Mondstadt and Liyue refugees were dealing with the last of Barbatos' followers, Ren had Venti stuck in the ground with a strong pillar of ice, and Zhongli was standing over him- ready to deal the final blow.

"Everyone- Fall in! We've got him this time!" Ren exclaimed over the roar of violence and bloodshed- ignoring the throbbing in their skull and the pain that radiated from wounds in their body.

Everything was going perfectly to plan.

But then...it wasn't.

Ren's eyes flickered away for a brief moment- glancing over to a noise they heard that sounded so distinctly familiar...a noise that once was comforting to them, now brought a sense of dread as they tried to retain their focus.

"Soren...~" Out of the portal, stepped the Abyss Prince himself, a cheeky little grin on his face, "Be careful~"

"Wha-?"

As they turned to adress him, an arrow shot right past their face- causing their focus to snap. In the blink of an eye, they fell to the floor as Venti broke free from the icy confines and quickly made his escape- a mischevious little giggle under his breath before seemingly zapping right out of reality itself. Well, not before one of Zhongli's polearms rammed into his arm- which when Venti teleported fell back to the ground with an uncerimonial clatter.

The world fell silent, as everyone stood to process what had just occured. Aether slowly walked to the cryo-vision wielder, a satisfied smirk on his face and motioning for one of his men- the one who had shot the arrow- to stand back down.

"Sorry about that...What's a war without a little bit of chaos, my starlight?" Aether couldnt help but chuckle, watching Ren slowly pull themselves to their feet. Ice was beginning to creep up their limbs- and their eyes looked unfocused as they slowly stumbled towards the abyss prince. They looked exhausted- having used so much of their own life-force just to keep the Archon pinned...and he still ended up getting away.

As Aether went to go give a hug to the smaller cryomancer, what he didn't expect was the whiplash and sting of their hand- which collided with his face in quick succession.

"You...You fucking prick!" Ren was seething, anger burning behind their brown eyes as they grabbed his face with an icy, frozen hand, "Do you know what the fuck you've done?! We had him cornered- we had him pinned! And then you come along and just- Just Mess everything up!"

"First...ow..." Aether rubbed his jaw- with the ice creeping up their hands it felt like he had been punched rather than just slapped silly, "Secondly, of course I do. As much as it would benefit me to see the Archon dead...there's still something I need from him first," Aether explained- in that venomously sweet tone he only took when he was trying to pacify them.

It...didn't work.

Their polearm still in hand, they went to swing it at him when an arm caught theirs midair. They quickly looked back to spot Lumine- who in all her grace had never looked this...uncertain before.

"Don't...its not worth it." Lumine whispered softly, golden eyes peering deep into their own. They growled, unable to think clearly through the anger- the fury- the heartbreak.

"Speak for yourself!" They snapped at her, to which she sighed- nodding to Kaeya who quickly grabbed their other shoulder to keep them still.

"Aww~ You do still care Lumine!" Aether beamed, an innocent smile that almost made Lumine hesitate.

Almost.

"No. I don't," Lumine retorted, meeting Aether's gaze with a glare of her own, "I just know that theyre in no state to start another fight right now." 'But...I assume you already know that.' She couldn't help but think to herself, golden eyes gazing back at eachother. There was silence, for a few good minutes, before Aether let out a bark of laughter that could only be described as slightly unhinged.

"That's your own faults you know! It was your precious general, my darling starlight, who wasn't paying attention!"

"You BASTARD!" Ren went to go break free of Kaeya's grip when a pillar caused them to stop in place. Zhongli, who slowly walked over- looking unsteady himself- kept a steely gaze with the Abyss Prince. His tone was cold, precice, yet Ren could pick out the exhaustion in his voice.

"Speak, Prince. Before I cut you down where you stand," The Archon spoke, wiping away a bit of blood from his nose. Aether couldn't help but cackle even more- drawing his sword and gently...ever so gently, tilting the Archon's gaze to meet his.

"Aww, Morax...you sure do look tired, don't you?" The Prince coo'd, faux sympathy dripping from his words, "Could you even take me right now, if we got in a fight? I sincerely doubt it, given your state...~"

"You-!"

Zhongli raised a hand, causing the furious general to still- if only briefly.

"I may be spent, but if I wanted to, I could still dismantle your entire army in one fell swoop...Do you wish to try my patience, little prince?" Zhongli remained calm, even if his voice trembled with the slightest hint of anger. Aether chuckled, knowing just how much his words were getting to the Archon, a sinister yet almost cheeky smirk on his face.

"Hmmm...No, not right now anyway~... if I did- there'd be no one to stand in Barbatos' way! And that's just no fun, is it?" Aether chuckled, "I only came to try and get something off that brat, but since he left, I have no more business here."

As Aether turned to leave, Ren broke past Kaeya and Zhongli, racing after him with an angry shout.

"AETHER-! YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE-!" And before they could reach him- the enby ran directly into a second pillar, courtesy of the Geo Archon. Aether snickered, gazing down upon them as their knees gave out and they fell into the grass...which slowly turned to ice where they sat.

"Aww, don't you worry, little Starlight~ I'll be back for you later!" Aether reached down, gently ruffling their hair as they swatted at him, "But first...you might want to get that checked out."

Gesturing to their vision, Ren looked down with wide eyes to find their vision had...cracked. Cryo magic was expelling itself from the crack, making almost everything they touch turn to ice.

"Toodles~!" Aether spoke, an innocently mischevious look on his face as he quickly stepped back through the portal and left- leaving the army alone once more in the clearing.

Ren gave an aggrivated shout, a hand slamming into the dirt and dark starlit tears staining their cheeks.

"That...that bastard..." They spoke, their anger slowly starting to simmer down into something else....grief. Grief, and...well, exhaustion.

"It's not worth the effort right now, Soren..." Zhongli walked up next to them, putting a hand on their shoulder, "You know this."

"To hell with that!" They spat back, "We were so close! He was right there- he was about to die and Aether just-!"

They gave another little frustrated squeak, before coughing and wiping some of the blood that dripped from their nose...and mouth. Hm...Yeah that...might be bad. They hardly even noticed how dizzy they felt until that moment, looking down to their cracked vision as it sparked aggressively- trying to output magic at a rate their body couldnt keep up with.

"I...I won't...forget this- AETHER...!" Their cry echoed through the clearing as their vision sparked even louder- sending an almost jolt of pain through their body that they could hardly take. They fell back against the ice that surrounded their body and creeped outwards, trying to push themselves back to their feet as Lumine gave a horrified little shriek.

"Medics! W-We need medics here, stat!" Lumine quickly rushed over to Zhongli and Ren, the latter of whom took a knee to steady himself against his own exhaustion. Ren's hands slipped, collapsing back into the ice and snow as they felt the world around them begin to slip away...

The last thing that they could recall, was how utterly cold and alone they felt...as the world spun and faded into black.

[stupitude-and-sorryness]

So last night whilst I was trying to go to sleep my brain decided to randomly start thinking abt rayllum. Bc, I mean, why the fork not? So I ended up thinking up pretty much the entire plot of an event that happens in a future season(probs s5). If this happens they better put my name in the credits istg-

CONTEXT:

There was some speculation a while back abt a stabbing and Callum running away and yada yada

_________

Okay so essentially two things could happen:

1. Aaravos possesses Callum and when Callum comes out of his trance he realises that he's done something super bad(idk what yet just bear with me here) and runs away in a panic- like just bolts. The other guys(aka Soren, Ezran, Zym, Etc) are occupied(*cough* or dead *cough*) and Rayla turns and runs after him.

~Callum turned and twisted between trees, tripping over a small root once, but getting straight back up and continuing running. He ran with tears slowly streaking down his face until he could no longer feel his legs and he slowed, quickly slipping between a crack in the side of a hill that opened into a twisting cave. Backing away from the alternate entrance, he slowly turned around, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. 'That didn't really happen. It's just a dream' he thought to himself before opening his eyes to look into the dark abyss that was the cave, however it was only a split second before a familiar voice sounded from where he had entered.

"Callum, it's not your fault". Callum jumped and there was a pause of silence between them before the all-too-familiar Rayla spoke up again. "What happened, I mean." A brief silence followed, the air stagment and salty. Callum took a step back.

"Rayla, stay away from me" He began, taking another step back. A look of confusion crossed the elve's face, but she understood. "I don't want to hurt you"

"Callum-"

"Please" He begged quietly through tears, taking another step back.

"Callum-"

"No, Rayla, he could come back at any moment-"

"CALLUM!" The irritated elf shouted, a slight echo following, however like the echo, the anger died quickly and she began walking towards him. Callum had finally listened and had paused his pleads. "I know you won't hurt me, dummy"

"But-" Callum began to protest.

"Look" she began. "It's not you that's doing this- it's Aaravos. He can't get to you if you're this far away from the mirror"

"He's getting stronger-"

"Callum I KNOW this isn't what you're worried about. If not Aaravos, what's actually happening?" Callum tensed, and Rayla knew she had hit the nail on the head.

~damn maybe I should turn that into a oneshot. I didn't know I could even still write half decently~

2. My fav one 😝

Okeh so essentially Callum is being controlled by Aaravos like super bad and can't get away and whatever, and so basically whenever Callum comes through he's begging Rayla to kill him like they discussed in S4, and whenever Aaravos comes through he's going along with Callum's plan,which seems kinda sus ngl, so Rayla gets overwhelmed and listens to Callum and stabs him and then whilst Callum is literally dying we go into Callum's mind and Dark Callum is back but with a twiiiiist

~"CALLUM NO-" it all played in slow motion; the moment he sacrificed himself by touching a shard of the mirror. Aaravos jumped inside of him, free of his shackles inside the mirror. Callum's ragdoll-like body slumped to its knees, hunched over and eyes wide. Similar to (*insert time period*) earlier, he flicked his head up and stared Rayla dead in the eye, however these weren't Callum's eyes- these eyes were dark and hollow, a bright light covering the pupil, iris and white of the eye, reflecting only the pure essence of evil. Rayla gasped and stood back, time seeming to return to normal again. Callum- no, Aaravos- slowly began walking over to Rayla, the moonshadow elf tensing, gripping the hilt of her blades tighter as he approached. She waited for the man to say something- insult her, even. Instead of speaking, Aaravos continued circling Rayla, surveying her intensley; the moonshadow elf spoke up.

"What do you want from Callum? From me?" She asked, her voice dangerously low, but stern and stoic as well. The elf-in-human's-clothing continued circling her slowly, but held his head up as he spoke, Aaravos's all-too-familiar voice breaking a thick silence.

"This is about the boy?" He asked. "This is about what I want?" He said, his low voice echoing around, seeming to come from multiple directions at a time. Rayla wasn't sure if she should answer; and so she kept her lips pressed tightly together, her nails almost leaving marks in the skin on her palm she had wrapped her hand so tightly around the blade's handle.

"So, tell me, assassin" he spat the last word as if it were venom being injected into his skin. "Is it really about the chance of your one and only love losing his life to me" there was a slight pause. "Or the wealth and prosperity that will be bestowed upon the land once I have my place?"

Aaravos came to a stand a few feet in front of Rayla, staring her dead in the eye, a clear indication that he knew exactly the kind of power he possessed, and he knew exactly how to use it.

"You're not here to help us; to help humans, either" She began, not breaking eye contact. She wanted- she NEEDED to find the right way around this. "You want power- moreso than you already have. My question is: why use Callum to get it? Why not just find your own way out? The mirror is shattered; why aren't you roaming free at your own will?" The man paused and a look of almost confusion crossed his face, in deep thought for a split second.

"You say that as if I dont already have my will"

"That's because you don't- you use the will of others"

"Oh? Can you give me an..." He leaned closer, his glowing white eyes only centimetres from her stubborn face. "...example?" Rayla took a shaky breath in, hoping the startouch elf hadn't picked up on her fingers twitching.

She used one of her blades and pressed the blunt side gently to Callum's chest, not using nearly enough pressure to tear clothing, let alone draw blood. "Like right now. You're using the mage's will to reflect your own". Aaravos frowned distinctly, taking a step back and turning to face away from the moonshadow elf, hands behind his back.

"What if I were to bring the owner of this body back for a second? Would that change it?" He tried making a deal, looking back at Rayla over his shoulder with bright, white eyes. A shiver ran down her spine. There was something about this- about Aaravos- that wasn't right. Maybe it was the odd angle his neck was twisted at, or maybe it was the fact that in this possessed state, the real Callum could be sitting back and watching, listening to everything that was happening, and not being able to control any of it. He was merely a spectator.

"Perhaps" The woman answered, keeping her posture straight and grip on the blades tight. Aaravos paused for a second, lifting a hand to his chin in thought; he turned to face Rayla.

"Very well" he proclaimed, giving Rayla only a second to process that he had agreed to his own deal. Callum's body slumped to the ground again as his eyes went back to having the distinct white and pupil of a human eye, his irises returning back to their deep green shine.

"Rayla..." He started, his usual voice clearly stressed. "Kill-" but before he could finish, he stood straight up again, his eyes being once again flooded with blinding white light.

"You said-!" Rayla began to reason, now clearly panicked at how much pure agony the real Callum had been in. Aaravos leapt forward, pressing a finger to her mouth in a 'shh' motion.

"I did say, 'for a second', didn't I?" He claimed, quoting what he had offered seconds earlier.

"You're SICK-" Rayla began to crack. What use was keeping her cool if she wouldnt- couldnt- win either way?

Aaravos took a few steps back, letting out a low, sinister chuckle. "Am I? Or is it you? Are you merely hallucinating? Am I truly real? Do you have a fever, my friend?" The man questioned in a cool tone, again circling the moonshadow elf, his voice seeming to echo and come from every direction.

"That's not what I meant" Rayla began, however ceased to say any more once the familiar surroundings of inside the dragon queen's nest suddenly switched to a flat lilac wasteland, red dust rising and falling in a split-second motion to hide the transition, background silencing completely. She gasped slightly, inhaling the last of the dust and coughing.

"Did you hear what the boy said?" He laughed loudly. "He wanted you to kill him! How thoughtful!" There was a brief pause. "Oh, but, there's just one problem..." He slowly shook his head and looked at the dirt touching his shoes. "I was always under the impression that you would never hurt anyone, especially the the ones you love"

Rayla stiffened and straightened her posture again, somewhat regaining the use of her limbs, adrenaline pumping. "I'm an assassin" she declared bravely, despite her past 'assassin' experiences.

Aaravos slowed his circling, walking in a manner that sent chills down the moonshafow elf's spine. "You might be an assassin..." He spoke in a dry tone, "but you can't..." Suddenly, Rayla saw a flash of light and could clearly see the real Aaravos- a tall startouch elf muttering the words "...kill..." The light faded in an instant, being replaced with illusions of words swirling, quiet whispers echoing draconic words around her in every which direction.

"Argh!" She exclaimed, trying to see where Aaravos was- not Callum- AARAVOS. She couldn't risk endangering Callum by hurting his body and not Aaravos. She had to time this perfectly.

"So... what'll it be?" Aaravos's deep voice echoed through her head, seeming to bounce off walls.

Callum's panicked voice peirced the air, his eyes flashing to green again while he spoke. "Rayla, you ha-"

Eyes flashed back to their possessed state. "You have to be tough" the archmage's voice came back.

"-kill me-" Eyes flashed to green as Callum spoke.

"Yes, kill him" Aaravos protested. Eyes white.

"Kill him" Green.

"Please, do" White.

"Shut up- just shut up!" Rayla protested, the echoing experience making her dizzy. Who would she listen to? She couldn't kill Callum; even if it's not killing Callum.

"It's the only way!" Callum's familiar voice and green eyes begged, pleaded.

"As if this would hurt me" Aaravos came back.

"NOW-" Callum screeched, and once Aaravos had taken over, Rayla knew what she had to do. Before the white-eyed corpse could say anything further, Rayla drew her blades and took her first casualty. Time seemed to freeze; Aaravos stilled, glowing white eyes widening, face becoming pale as he realised what had happened. He slowly touched a finger to where the numbness began, blood caking his hand and staining his clothes, realising he had been run through the side with one of Rayla's butterfly blades, in which she was still grasping tightly, panting, not yet taking in what she had just gone through with. She withdrew the blade, blood rapidly spilling from the wound, and possessed-callum-aka-aaravos's eyes faded to complete blackness, falling back and hitting the ground with a thud. Standing up, Rayla took a moment to process her actions; gasping, the elf turned to face the person she had killed just a moment earlier. She had filled her duty. It just took longer than Runaan had originally wanted.

"Callum? Callum!" Rayla lunged forward, sliding onto her knees and dropping her blood-stained blade into the dirt, in which the landscape illusion had not yet disappeared.

[entropydemons]

oh honey :( I'm in an extraordinarily hard situation. I have five papers to write and they all due next week. I'm ok with four of them but there is one on heidegger's death and anxiety, and I have never read anything from him before so I have no idea where to start. If I'm not being too much can you briefly tell me about this subject? because if I know the important ideas behind as a whole, I can understand while doing the readings. I feel very empty so I'm very anxious about that particular paper. lots of love!!

You're right, it is extremely difficult to have five papers due in a week. :( I truly wish I could help more! If you're able to get an extension for any, definitely consider doing so, this has helped me when I've been particularly overwhelmed.

I'm not a Heidegger scholar by any means, but I know a little about his concept of humans as Dasein: (literally "being there" in German) beings which must confront their own mortality and personhood and possess knowledge of their own being. These conditions which we as Dasein possess, saturate our existence with paradoxes and dizzying possibilities.

In relation to death and anxiety I know that Heidegger attested that our human notion of time, is only understood from the vantage point of death. We only know what time is because is it fleeting. This gives Dasein the impetus to occupy themselves with the present world, because they must seize time before it melts away. Inevitably, this consumes us Dasein with anxiety as we fear that we will never create meaning in this world and the relentless waves of times will destroy us.

In anxiety, Dasein seems to experience a collapse of familiarity, significance, meaning, mattering, or the world: “the totality of involvements of the ready-to-hand and the present-at-hand discovered within-the-world, is, as such, of no consequence; it collapses into itself; the world has the character of completely lacking significance” -Heidegger

However, Heidegger's thought was also influenced by Kierkegaard's who viewed anxiety as the portal to possibilities, which out of possibility, creativity and transformation can emerge.

“Anxiety may be compared with dizziness. He whose eye happens to look down into the yawning abyss becomes dizzy. But what is the reason for this? It is just as much in his own eye as in the abyss, for suppose he had not looked down. Hence anxiety is the dizziness of freedom, which emerges when the spirit wants to posit the synthesis and freedom looks down into its own possibility, laying hold of finiteness to support itself.” (The Concept of Anxiety, Soren Kierkegaard)

Therefore, anxiety is a state distinct from fear. I would go so far as to say that in Heidegger's view anxiety is a state that enables us to cope with our inevitable death, by allowing us to explore concepts such as freedom, authenticity & inauthenticity and self- awareness, that without anxiety, would not be possible.

Also, I'd recommend just glancing over the Stanford encyclopedia's Heidegger article for an introduction to him as well as looking at any specific papers you need.

I really hope this was somewhat helpful and I'm so sorry for being so late in getting back to you 💚💚 Good luck with your papers!!

[theredhairedmonkey]

Why does Callum end up using Dark Magic? Was it to save the dragon or save Rayla?

He does Dark Magic to save both the dragon and Rayla in equal measure, with the added bonus that he also does it to shore up his own insecurities.

I’m a sucker for plotlines where a morally upright character does something ethically wrong, and as you can imagine, I think there’s a lot to unpack in this one decision. So, let’s dive into each of these reasons.

1. For the dragon

Once Rayla connects saving the dragon to the “cycle of violence” speech he gave her in S1, Callum agrees with her.

Callum: “You’re right. If we’re really going to change things, we can’t just watch while humans and Xadia keep hurting each other.”

Rayla tells him that, to break the cycle someone has to take a stand. Once he sees the connection between what he told her and what she’s telling him now, he agrees that leaving the dragon behind is wrong.

Callum has always been the kind of character who prioritizes doing the right thing. Rayla noticed that right away:

Rayla: “When we met, he could have had me captured or killed. But he didn’t, because without knowing me or anything about me, he saw past human hatred and did what he knew was right.”

Even before meeting Rayla in 1x02, Callum argues with his stepfather about the coming assassins.

When Harrow describes how there have been wrongs and crimes done on both sides, and that Harrow is responsible for terrible things, Callum doesn’t try to disagree. He doesn’t attempt to justify his stepfather’s actions or try to remain loyal to his side of the conflict. Instead, he says:

This scene helps highlight Callum’s naivete (“You’re the king, you can do anything”) but also his good-naturedness. He’s not taking sides in the conflict or dismisses the hurt that his own kingdom (heck, his own family) had caused Xadia. He understands that some of the people in his life, the ones he cares about the most, have wronged the side sending assassins to kill Harrow. A wrong had been committed, and Callum wants to set it right.

Indeed, after discovering the egg, Callum let what he hoped was the right thing guide his actions. He chained up Claudia to prevent her from attacking Rayla. Callum then confronted Runaan, letting him train an arrow at his head as he had Ez show him the egg.

He then confronted and even threatened Viren, putting himself in the crosshairs of yet another powerful figure (someone Amaya believes “may be the most dangerous human in the world”) while trying set things right.

He risks great personal injury (and perhaps worse!) in doing the right thing.

When all else fails, he’s the one who proposes the group take the egg to Xadia themselves, leaving behind their homes, family, and friends to set things right themselves.

Callum: “It’s up to us now. We have to return this egg. We have to keep it safe and carry it to Xadia.”

And when he needs to, he sacrifices his newfound power to save the Dragon Prince.

All of this helps lay out how Callum prioritizes doing the right thing over almost everything, even what was, at the time, his only source of self-worth. As Rayla says:

“He sacrificed everything so Azymondias could be born.” 

When Rayla helps him realize why saving the dragon was the right thing to do, it frustrated him to no end that he felt he couldn’t help, even before knowing Rayla was going down there regardless.

But once he realizes that there is a way he can help.

He immediately bolts for the dragon. After taking Claudia’s spellbook, he looks through it to find the spell that would set dragon free, and then does it.

Callum does the right thing…despite knowing that the way he did it was wrong. And it’s precisely this motivation that Dark!Callum exploits to tempt him to continue using Dark Magic:

Dark!Callum: “You can have unlimited power, and you can choose what to do with that power. You can make a real difference in the world. All you need to do now is accept it.”

And it’s not until Dark!Callum says this that Callum is even remotely tempted.

And once he is tempted, it takes quite an epiphany for him to shake that temptation.

2. For Rayla

@raayllum lays out here how much concern Callum has about Rayla in this scene. But, it can be summed up with this line:

Rayla: “If I don’t come back, you and Ezran can get Zym to Xadia. I believe in you”

In general, Callum will go to extreme lengths to protect those he cares about. He wants to join the expedition against the incredibly dangerous assassins to protect his stepfather. Callum wants to dive after Ezran in freezing cold water, or will pretend to be him to throw an assassin off his trail. He’ll leap off a cliff and master a rare ability on the way down to save the love of his life.

In 2x07, when Callum hears Rayla say, “If I don’t come back,” he’s sent into a panic. He’s lost almost everyone he cares about in his life, and Callum is faced with the very real possibility that he’ll lose her too.

For this and other reasons (more on that below), we see him drawing Rayla. To give himself comfort that she will come back, but also upset that she may not.

So, it’s no wonder, knowing what we know about Callum, that he’s willing to take extreme measures to protect/save her too.

But that still leaves one final reason why he casts that Dark Magic spell…

3. For himself

Callum is his own harshest critic—while he has a good grasp on what the right thing to do is, he regularly questions his ability to do anything at all.

And these doubts are severe, enough to paralyze him or send him off the rails several times.

When he’s prevented from joining Soren’s mission to protect Harrow, Callum blows up at Ezran.

When he drives Rayla away and feels he is unable to save her from her own guilt, he gets angry at himself.

And here too, while Rayla goes off to save the dragon and Callum has been benched, he’s left fuming until breaking his charcoal pen sets him off.

Callum is not the kind of person who gets easily angered, but when he does, it’s almost always because he thinks he’s too helpless to change anything.

His drawings of Rayla help highlight something else besides how much he’s grown to care about her—he has her posing heroically as she leaps into danger because, deep down, Callum wishes he could be that heroic too.

It’s for this reason that he’s so hard on himself. Callum is a capable guy; his artistic talents and photographic memory are amazing. He’s able to improvise and plan rather well, is a good listener, and has an emotional maturity that surpasses many adults.

But in Callum’s mind, none of these things really matter because it wouldn’t help him, in his words:

“Be the heroes who stop all the fighting and save the day.”

As a result, he has a very skewed perception of himself—someone who is utterly useless, who isn’t brave or strong enough to make a difference.

In many ways, this reason is an extension of the first one—Callum is insecure because he knows what the right thing to do is, he just feels he’s too inadequate to do that.

And that pushed him to try Dark Magic. Without a Primal Stone or an Arcanum, Dark Magic was the easy way around all these roadblocks—it lets him do something he was great at (magic) without having to work at (and potentially failing toward) connecting to the Sky Primal.

Dark Magic makes him feel powerful. It makes him feel useful. It makes him feel like he can be a hero.

But it also feels wrong.

So, all three of these motivations are at play here—Callum’s desire to do the right thing, his desire to save Rayla, and his desire to be useful (which in a way is an extension of the first desire).

If you wanted to pick out one of these motivations as the primary reason, it would have to be Callum’s desire to do the right thing (i.e. “to make a real difference in the world.”). Callum is a good-natured kid; he really wants to make things right, and the gap between what he wants to do and what he thinks he can do is where his insecurities come from.

Callum is not tempted to try Dark Magic before because he understands, at least in theory, that it’s wrong. But the above reasons create a moment of weakness where he gives in and decides to use it.

But thankfully, there’s hope that the same thing that turned Callum to use Dark Magic is the same thing that would push him away from it. According to an interview here, Aaron Ehasz says the following about this moment:

“I think that, sometimes, the hero goes into the abyss before they can come out of it. I think he explored something dark, explored something that maybe he wouldn’t feel good about, but he may understand more clearly what he does now and what he’s accomplished having experienced the depths of a different kind of choice. So, I think it’s more about his character and the range of understanding he has. I do think you can’t mess with something like that and not have it stick with you. There’s something about it that will stay with him.”

My takeaway from these lines is that Callum, having tried Dark Magic once, realizes now better than most people why it’s so wrong. Much like how in other great stories (think Luke Skywalker using the Dark Side against Vader), Callum succumbs to his worst impulses and makes a devastating, almost fatal, decision.

But in crossing the line, he comes out the other side knowing just what his worst impulses are. He learns from his mistake, accepts that what he did was wrong, and grows beyond it. He now knows full well where he stands and knowing where he’ll go from here.

Callum: “Destiny is a book you write yourself!”

[becauseiwanttowrite]

Ctrl + Shift 3

Snippet Three

  To say Greenvine was huge stepped to an understatement. Upon entrance it flaunted the spiralling four levels of assorted stores, paired with fitting greenery for shifter accommodation. The crystal dome that loomed overhead emitted an unnatural sunlight. Mood settled beneath my skin – conversation, coffee, occasional intercom, solid marble at my soles.

I continued at my own pace, minding my surroundings just in case someone – anyone – recognized me. I would rather stay out of the radar for now.

“Hey you!”

I went on walking to the side at a brisk but easy pace. Looking to my side, I saw that not only my attention was grabbed but other people’s as well. A stout security guard ran across the center, chasing after what looked like a weasel.

“No shifting inside the mall!” The guard roared, swinging his stick around, “Don’t make me feed ‘ya to the damn hunters!”

A collective shift in tension swarmed over. I could sense it. Shifters simultaneously turned wary, even though no one would know who they were.

I realized I had stopped and stared while the guard tried to seize the animal. I turned away and picked up a quicker pace, wheels of my luggage making a ruckus behind me. However, I kept my head straight – no point found in appearing suspicious.

Shifters rarely shifted in public places, much less where they were aware that not all present were fellow shifters. Cold ice slid down my back, thinking about hunters blending amongst people. Hunters sitting next to shifters.

I shook my head and walked on.

I halted in a corner to catch my breath. Benches already brimmed with mall-goers. I was digging inside my backpack when something caught my eye.

There, right there in a bar, was Vic, who had an arm slung around another boy. They hunched over the counter, laughing over drinks. In another table, Vaughn sipped his boba tea.

I instantly had half the mind to march over them. But afterwards . . . nothing. I had nothing to tell them, nothing to scold them about. They were only partly to blame that I had no one to fetch me at the airport.

Releasing a breath, I dug deeper into my backpack. To make my situation easier, I could come over to them and ask for our house’s direction, but I could not expect useful information to spout from their mouths.

But I could not bring myself to disturb them. I felt around my backpack instead and fished out a piece of paper. Perhaps if I found a friendly face (which I doubt) I could ask for direction. In that torn out page of my notebook was a sketch of a map. Gaige sent the sketch to me and I fortunately had the chance to copy it down before my battery died.

But that little minx's drawing was undecipherable.

I frowned at the paper again before crumpling it in my fist. If I had to get home on my own, so be it.

I scanned the place once more. Another person caught my eye. Across from me, in a pizzeria, Frances sat by a table with a circle of friends. She had her arms rested on the surface in front of her as she smiled her widest grin.

My lip curled. That is another scene I did not want to disturb. With my recent knowledge, I knew Frances barely had the time to go out with friends.

I leaned against the wall. If the three of them were here, then perhaps at home . 

I stopped short on my thought process again. On a bench northeast from me, there sat a couple sickeningly staring at the fountain display at front. It was not any couple. It was Soren and . . . a girl I had never met before. Once more, I did not want to approach - or even look at - them.

Fazed, I blinked a few times. Then a few more times, rapidly. So this . . . this was something they had not told me.

The paper still sat roughly on my palm. If four of them were here, and if I assumed Mama and Papa were out with Maddox, that left only Gaige and Isidore home. And . . . no one would be watching them.

I trotted off to the side with my bags risk of Soren or the others seeing me. Just then, a child went past me, walking in a calm manner. But I noticed it. His eyes were different.

I raised my hand to stop him. But he stopped by himself. He turned around and stared up at me with the largest pupils, as if a magnifying glass passed over his eyes. I braved a step forward.

"You better not walk around like that," I pointed out, "Hunters might take you."

"They won't dare in a place like this," he said in equal monotone, "And I don't have much of a choice."

What . . . does he mean?

I bent down to my knees to level with me. He seemed about seven or eight, but with a matured look on his face (save for the eyes). "Where are your parents?" I asked.

"Not around here," said he, "I came with my brother."

I tilted my head slightly, "Won't he worry about you right now?"

"I'm not lost," he argued, crossing his arms and parting his feet, "I just went away from him. I know my way around."

"And you must also know your way outside Greenvine." This little boy must be my ticket out.

"I do," he told me, a ghost smile flickering. "You're lost, aren't you?"

Truly, I was asking help not from the people I knew but a stranger that was a little boy. Nonetheless, I placed trust him. He also seemed like he wants to be humored.

"Yes, I've just returned and I need to go home." I nodded to him, then held out my hand, "I'm Zoe."

He shook my hand with much formality, "I'm King."

"Really? King?"

His shoulders rose and fell, "That's what I asked my parents, too."

I stood up, wary of Soren and his significant other on the bench. Luckily, they remained in their lovestruck bubble. I smoothed out the piece of paper in my hand and gave it to King for a look. "Does this map make sense to you?"

King peered, his nose crinkling. His eyes shifted back to normal now, warm hazel irises staring at the paper. "Looks like chicken feet imprints," he mused.

"I only copied it from another drawing," I defended, fishing out my phone and showing him that it was dead.

King turned the paper around and around, examining the careful detail. "With the street names, I can take you there. But I can't say I've been to exactly where your house is."

"Thank you," I let out a sigh of relief.

"But hey," he returned the paper to me, "It will be easy if you call someone to fetch you right now. I have a phone."

I did a brief check around the place. They were still around, unmoving from their spots. "No thanks. They're all busy right now."

King's stare singed on me for a while. I stared back at him, "If it's not too much a hassle for you - "

"No," he waved his hand, "I want to take you there. It's not too far anyways. And the more I loiter around, the more my brother can get mad so it's a win-win."

"Again, thank you," I hung my head to a light bow.

King led us back to the exit and in that duration, I tried to escape the sight of those four people. When I looked at them, they were all engrossed, sucked in their own created abyss, too busy to raise their heads and notice their sister.

"Do we have to ride something to get there?" I asked King by the time we slipped out of Greenvine. The arm pulling my suitcase along began to ache. The pack on my shoulder was not too merciful either.

"Let me see the map again," King held out his hand, and I obliged. He took his phone out and compared.

I gave him a few minutes. He looked up at me, "It's within walking distance but it goes a few twists and turns. We can commute if you want."

"I want to know what you prefer," I told him.

King scratched his chin, "I assume you want to know your way around Delluna - walking is best that way." He eyed my suitcase, "That looks heavy, though. Let me have it."

"We walk," I said in finality and tossed him my backpack instead. King bounded ahead of as we rounded the perimeter of Greenvine to a back area with new roads. I decided then, that this was better than sharing a ride with my siblings.

King kept his eyes switched between the makeshift map and phone. In spite of this, he navigated smoothly, avoiding the long pavements that led to nowhere. Buses and cars sped by, and stalls and booths littered around, but the place was clean. The heat did not radiate as much.

In gradual succession, the city became familiar to me. I recognized the ice cream booth Vic often demanded to visit. The park still stood, with the memories of childhood along with it, and the preserved mark Gaige had carved on one of the slides. It was not home, and I recalled merely a few places, but Delluna was familiar, a lot familiar before Reddard.

I decided to make small talk to distract myself from the burns of my sore arm. "King," I kept up to walk right behind him, "You said you can't help it when you change your eyes."

Not once did he lift his gaze. "Yes. My alter ego pops up once in a while."

I remained silent as a motion for him to go on. King shut his mouth before saying, "I usually don't shift. I can't."

"You can't," I repeated, "You are unable to, or something is withholding you?"

"I'd go for the withholding option."

I nodded once, "I see."

There were some shifters blessed with quite unique animals. It caused danger for them to shift, especially if a hunter were to see. I had schoolmate back in Hythe who shifted to a recently extinct trophy animal. When those people did not shift regularly, their animal sides threatened to come out instead.

I did not pester King any further. We turned to a sharp corner, ascended a few steps and kept walking.

"Zoe, where did you come from?" He took his turn to ask.

"From Reddard," I replied, "For training." We squeezed past a few people. I had to check that my suitcase was in perfect condition every once in a while.

"You're a bit too trusting towards a kid like me," he commented, looking back an inch over his shoulder.

"I know who is trustworthy and who is not."

We entered an alley, so narrow that it allowed only two people at a time. Clotheslines with wooden pegs floated above us. Windows, as well as tiny balconies, jutted out of the gray walls. I smelled a faint hint of detergent and house plants.

King put down the map. He raised his phone, which was incessantly ringing. After six rings or so, I asked him, “Are you taking that?”

He pocketed his phone, “I’ll let my brother worry for a bit.”

I bit off a small piece of pity for his brother. Although it was hypocritical for me to keep King out like this, I knew he could find his way around and thus cause little worry.

“If it will benefit you,” I told him as we trudged through, “You can tell him it’s my fault.”

“He won’t believe me,” he grinned. “Don’t worry about it, Zoe.” We reached a brand new place outside the alley. Buildings took on a smaller size. There was a rotunda by the center and a proud city hall stood in front of it.

Beside the city hall was a domed building, the reason I really ever went to Delluna Capital before.

King pointed it out to me, “That’s – “

“The Shifter Provincial Council Hall,” I finished for him.

He stared at me. “I don’t visit Delluna without going there,” I explained.

With a few more steps, we ended by a corner where crossroads met. King gazed up at the road going uphill. Instead of houses or buildings, pine trees outlined each side of the path. The air was colder than usual.

“I think the house is up there,” King motioned, “Just continue up and you’ll see it.”

I looked back at him, “Up there.”

He nodded.

It looked like I had to haul my bags up a steep one. I rolled my shoulders and pressed on my back to relieve the ache for a moment. “Thanks, King. I should be seeing more of you soon. Can you go home?”

“You’re welcome,” said he, shaking my hand once more, “My house is nearby, actually.”

With final goodbyes, we set off to separate paths. King, hands on pockets with a wild phone ringing, strode off to another road. I gathered my strength to pull my bags up. I considered going up first and asking for help but I did not think Gaige could offer much help.

Forcing my feet to anchor on the asphalt, I wiped my sweat on my sleeve. In minutes, it gradually appeared in my sight. The house was a grand mansion in the middle of the woods – at the top of the hill. Certainly, it stood above our previous homes in Hythe in terms of size.

Unbelievable, how Mama and Papa had the money for this land and property.

I took heavy steady breaths. A few more, just a few more and I will be home.

Before the house was a gate made of long sharp steel. The black tips rounded the outside of the place. It took only a slight push to open it. A brief thought fluttered in my mind – it was dangerous for the gate to be open like this.

Either he did not do it on purpose . . . or he was expecting me to come home alone.

I released a breath, continuing upwards as I swung the gate closed behind me. I knew if I stopped to rest, I would be tired out even more. So, even when my arms screamed and my pulse quickened, I climbed the grassy hill leading to the house.

Just sitting within the grass were purple and pink toys, as well as a lone trike. Further upwards, there was a manmade pond. Next to the house there was also a spare storage. I continued and reached the front doorstep, which was lined with dark lanterns.

The double doors stared back at me. Not minding my loud breaths, I tried the door. I would not budge. Next, I tried the heavy knocker.

In that second, the window to my right flickered as the curtain drew. Right there was Gaige’s grinning face, glasses perched, shirt askew.

“Gaige, you little shit,” I said softly and tried the knocker again.

He gave me a shrug, drew the curtain back and left. I knocked again. As my fist began to land, the door clicked open and I was greeted by, not Gaige, but a little girl.

Her mouth dropped open, and I noticed her signature long brown hair, stray strands bobbing up and down. “Zoe!” Her face curved into a smile.

[99lleon]

fossa.

                             i said   ᴛᴏᴏ    ᴍᴜᴄʜ,   said  the   𝒘𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒈  thing                              𝓇𝑒𝓂𝑒𝓂𝒷𝑒𝓇𝒾𝓃𝑔  the  𝘪𝘮𝘢𝘨𝘦  i was  trying  to                              𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝  to  𝘠𝘖𝘜.  cast an 𝖎𝖑𝖑𝖚𝖘𝖎𝖔𝖓, think i'm                             ｌｏｓｉｎｇ  my head. sometimes i FEEL-—                              be what you want,  i  𝘊𝘈𝘕   be what you want                              be what you want,  i 𝘾𝘼𝙉'𝙏 be what you want

     it’s dark when he finds time again, the past two days have gone by in such a blur that it’s only then leon feels the thunder in mind settle, leaving nothing but dark waves behind. once soren’s no longer there, he makes his way to the roof, knowing it’s the place for quietude, a chance to calm down and breathe. and that’s all he needs. the proto clutches a notebook and a pen in his grasp as he climbs up the stairs, holding on to two objects as if they're the only thing that’s grounding him, the only thing that will give him some kind of solace when the world around him seems to crumble slowly but surely.

     a few minutes later he has settled on the floor, an idle coldness seeping through his wires, the body enclosed in a material that eerily feels like skin. it’s not the cold in the same way others feel, he knows, it’s his receptors warning him instead, an advanced thermometer of sorts instead of the blood that's not running through his veins. his back to the wall, he has a vast abyss of darkness in front of him. too vast. a day doesn’t go by without leon missing riku, but it hits more than usual that night, the darkness is too much to bear without him, without his family. even though he hasn't been on this world for so long, he feels old, as if the past two years were two decades instead. perhaps time is a different quality to protos as well, with his enhanced memory unable to forget any single detail.

     the notebook and pen lie on the floor next to him as he pulls his legs towards himself, arms propped up by elbows as he lets his head fall into his heads, fingers clutching his own hair as he breathes — tries to breathe. there's no need, he knows, his body doesn't need oxygen nor nutrition, but at that moment, there's a feeling that he might just suffocate, lost in the abyss of his own mind, the loneliness that surrounds him, fear of everything that has happened, and everything that lies ahead of him. the speech just two days ago still echoes in his mind, the certainty in the man's words, the implication that lay underneath them. they knew things were going wrong, and as leon keeps repeating that event over and over again in his mind, he feels further on the edge, a fear gnawing in his mind.

     it's not something he can fix like a circuit, he can't zoom in and detect the problem like he would with a piece of machinery — and for the first time in weeks, he feels mad at riku for leaving him so alone, for making him feel so much when there's nothing he can do to help it. is it really fair ? that leon feels so much when he shouldn't, that the thunder in his mind doesn't make sense for a being whose entire purpose is to be logical. it hurts, feeling him hollow, and after a short moment, he feels even worse for harbouring such thoughts about riku, the man who made him, the man who loved him for who he was. he remembers the first time he opened his eyes, he remembers the man's thick but soothing voice reading books to him, everything from dostoyevsky to kafka to anything else, both of them tucked into bed even though leon didn't need a blink of sleep. it was so odd back then, that this man who was superior in every aspect would devote such a great proportion of his own time, to a simple proto who could download things easily and do anything riku wished. there were many things that surprised him through the months, but one thing he didn't see was how much he cared about him, how much they bonded, how much he has learned and changed. one thing he can't forget is the smile on the man's face whenever he did something that wasn't purely logical, an illogical of emotion, feeling. that smile is crystal clear in his own mind, as it's the last moments they spent together.

    and looking back now, in a period where a change in protos is shunned, leon feels like his entire existence is tainted, labelled as a defect. what can he do ? what should he do ? he refuses to believe in what they say, because they contradict with riku's words so strongly, it reminds him of the hate-mails he read, the strong words, the threats— the only difference now is that there is no riku there to smile up at him and shake his head, no one to reassure him that there's nothing wrong with who he is. the doubts are too recent, too clear in his mind, the conversations with soren and kitts has left him feeling less lonely, eased him out of the mindset that he needed to leave —- but still, he fears that he's being a burden on them, on every one of his friends. the same curiosity and excitement that makes leon who he is,turns into dread and fear, and when he feels like he can't take it anymore, he grabs the notebook and begins to write. no preamble, his words simply bleeding into the paper.

          you left — you left and i don't know what to do. i know you told me i could write to you whenever you were busy and i wanted to let it out but is it okay for me to do now ? why did you leave ? why didn't you tell me something could happen — wasn't there anything i could do ? we could have left — just the two of us like you said. you were going to show me other cities, the places you read to me about. there was so much we could do, but the cause, you always cared a lot about it, and i can't understand now, i don't understand anything. maybe you've foreseen this ? — did you ? did you know that protos like me would be labelled as defects, seen as a threat ? 

          did you make me like this regardless ? i just want to know, i feel like there's a huge piece missing, one that you took with you, one that you always kept from me no matter how much we talked. i can't help but feel like i was always waiting for something, being honed to be next to you, to become something better but — now... there's nothing, and i don't know what to do — please, please you have to tell me, you have to teach me again, i wasn't — i'm not ready for what's about to come, i'm not. i’m not ready.

     the letters begin to feel more rushed, the pen in his hold shaking as he continues to write, his teeth sink into the back of his lip, his eyes stinging as he fights for words, no matter how in vain they are. they'll never reach riku, but he has to let them out, in a way he did when the man was busy in his office, when leon was told to be patient, calm. he wants to believe it's just a long meeting riku has gone to, but his mind is too cruel, too precise to remind him immediately how he died in his own arms, how his heartbeats faltered and diminished into nothing, into a silence that still haunts him. he clutches the pen hard, and feels a few tears leak out of his eyes, another thing that he'll never understand why riku ever gave him. it was a surprise back then at the house, the dampness in his cheeks foreign, but now he knows what they are, and the sole purpose they serve is to make him feel weaker, utterly lost. he didn't know what they were back then, because riku was there, he was happier than he had ever been. if only he knew — if only there was anything he could do. the storm had been brewing even then, but leon had been too naive to notice, the same storm that begins to take its full force now. he clutches the pen once again, scribbling down the last few words, the paper slightly wet that ink begins to blot.

          i miss you. i feel lost. i don't know what to do.

      there are no more words to be said or written. these three sentences sums up his entire being, so with that, he closes the notebook, puts it back down and buries his face back in his arms. and the shivering that takes his frame has nothing to do with the cold outside, but the one inside him.

[8ladyarashisama1]

Chapter 1

Théa's POV

"I promise we'll be together someday"a person with a blurred face caress my cheek"Don't worry I'll will comeback soon as you can possibly imagine"he assured me as he landed a kiss on my forehead and left to the light

"Wasurenaide kudasai Thea"

"Thea?"

"Thea!"

"Sis!"

The door to my room was knocked continuously Damn! that sound disrupted my dream.... I'd like to see the end of it you know! My hand slapped my face to instantly wake me up as I dragged myself off from bed to open the green colored maple wood door revealing my younger sister outside tapping her foot impatiently against the white marble floor.

"Yes Thalia? Can I help you?"I butted my head out between the small vertical space, she facepalmed herself and chuckled at me"Sister, Goodmorning!".

"Get to the point Lia what's good in the morning?"I tiredly smiled at her swinging the door fully open then I scratched my eyes to flick the sleepiness away, Thalia shook her head towards me in slight disappointment.

"I clearly remembered yesterday that you told me to wake you up early in the morning for your mission...sister you forgot again did you?"she slyly smirked at me when I suddenly came to a realization and "Oh dear I must have forgotten"I held my cheek with my right hand and smiled with closed eyes"Yes yes I'll be preparing now... thank you for waking me up Thalia"I thanked her and pats her head in a sisterly way, she shove my hand off her head in annoyance and waved me goodbye while I turned my back from the door and used a little time to check my bookcase where a beeping machine is placed in the middle of my books, it was given to us by our father which also serves as our only remembrance about him. That machine was crafted so that it would serve the purpose of telling when next upcoming collision of our dimension and another other dimension will happen, quite fascinating right? And it seems like it detected a collision between dimensions it happened before two years ago as a portal appeared in Coronas a country northeast from Icycilis but I guess no one came out since the news is all quiet about it...I wonder where it will spawn next.

Two minutes I spent two fucking minutes watching that machine with a piece of my heart hoping for something good to happen but I was just wasting my time, that machine was only built for damn sake to detect a portal not to give it out, sighing I gathered my clothes and went towards the closest bathroom by the hall next to Thalia's room and mine, knocking down a sky blue vase with beautiful running styles that sat on a lacquered wood cabinet in the process due to my hurry.

"Big sis? Did you break my Jadetown vase?"Thalia's voice rang out from her room, I looked down in alarm to the shattered pieces of the vase and replied with a sad tone realizing what I broke,"Damnit it's mine...".

"Oh okay just break your vase not mine...you go prepare yourself I'll clean it up"She sighed and gave a small grunt as I hear soft footfalls to the door.

"Thanks a bunch!"I stood on my tippy toes and avoided the scene of the crime to continue my way to the bathroom. ------- After dressing up to my regular attire of an orange plain qipao with little cluster of leaves as a design and a pair of autumn colored close shoes I reserved for this dress, I walked down the stairs making a turn to an open room with only a metal wall separating it from the living room and another divider on the side but it ended up short giving the dining room a big opening space, and while I'm describing the house let me tell you that this mansion is quite big for the three of us the first floor was covered either with metal or silver colored paint with five tall round windows and autumn hued curtains that to be honest matches my attire, small paintings and family pictures hang in the living room and only a little in the dining, Thalia's style of decorations.

Two round bookshelves were place in both side of the fire place in front of the metal worked sofa and a brown lacquered oak wood coffee table and Soren was still not satisfied and added a red royal rug underneath with yellow styles of design to give it a beautiful cozy glow connecting it upstairs is a wide stairway of smooth lacquered wood with a pretty amazing carving from the steps to its wood rail. Upstairs would be Thalia's room first on the right then the second bathroom and my room at the end next to the stairway above leading to the roof while on the opposite direction would be Soren's and a guest room in front.

While the first floor is made up of mostly metal the second floor is more naturey with wood floors, petal shaped lights on the halls, one or two cabinets on both sides of the hallway where my siblings would store things they are too lazy to bring inside their room and a cute cactus Thalia keeps near the white framed window after Soren's room.

I walked inside the dining room and sat on a wood made chair on the left side of the glass covered table, making myself comfortable while my brother placed a platter of good smelling breakfast in front of me.

"Where are you heading today baby sis?"He asked me while I ate the breakfast he served, using the annoying nickname he always calls us, he took a seat on the center chair with his mug of coffee a 'Universally Best Bro'engraved on the mug.

"I have a mission today Soren and I won't be back for a while"My lips formed a small smile as I finished the salad and took a small time of handing my dishes to the sink and walked out of the dining hall with the same laid back expression of a smile"Thea.. don't keep it to yourself too much"I heard him say behind my back.

"Will do"I pressed a button to let the metallic door slide open and ran to the front yard, jumping on my violet designed techno-bike(a technology flying bicycle),charged it up and pressed the speed as I zoom towards the Aureole, a masive two storey dirty gold building associated in the middle of the city with four tall neoclassical columns on both sides.

'Wasurenaide kudasai Thea'that strong soothing voice keeps playing inside my mind, I don't understand the meaning of those words but I find it very comforting but why the hellish abyss am I dream about this? Is that really that important to think about? ....nevertheless I have to focus more in my upcoming mission I spent days preparing and I can't mess it up with that! I suddenly stopped thinking when a loud honk behind me sounded.

"Hey miss! The lights turned green already!"a woman yelled angrily behind my back, behind her are a line of techno-vehicles honking..I grimaced as I realize that I stopped during the red light hmmm must be my hands' instinct to do that without me realizing it"Sorry got sidetracked!!"I painstakingly yelled in apologize back turning to the other direction I saw her sour face as she muttered something on her bike....hmp! I said my sorry already, what the deal?!

'I wonder what my task would be?'I divert my thought from earlier as I parked my bike at the parking spot beside the Aureole building, I jump out of my vehicle and walk on a row of stairs carrying a soft smiling visage, a lot of people walking in and out looking at me, it doesn't creep me out though I just don't give a damn about them, although I could her some whispering something which I can clear made out into words.

"Is that Thea Seiju?"

"I heard she is the Princess of Samaari together with her brother and sister"

"Are you drunk? They are the remaining royalties of Samaari!"

"I like her, she's always smiling"

First before all the things that are about to happen, let me introduce to you my world, we, the Aureolians were at war from the very start with the Dark Arc, a faction who affiliated themselves with the Underworld below and other opposing forces to gain allies and power to achieve their goal which is from what I heard 'to kill the light'while they keep destroying places whenever pleases, the first Arch Master who is also the first regent of Icycilis founded the association of fighters which he named The Aureolians, in which he chose six Shijos to protect the city and the other neighboring kingdoms from the Arc. Shijo is from an old word for Master and those Six were also given the chance to find their successors in order to fight the Dark Arc, but it seems like the fighting never ceased until it reached this generation. From the first Shijos they were given their own respective weapons , weapons that were forged by magical beings from a distant land of Majika.. anyways these weapons have their own abilities and given elements from which a user must train hard to master it and pass it along his successor and so on.

My master was the Fan Shijo, so as her next in line, I also have my own weapon similar to hers, for a successor to get a weapon like her master, he/she must be trained for agility, flexibility, endurance, speed and knowledge for a year before he or she can acquire a weapon.... but that's all I have to say for now or else I'll spoil the whole thing. -------

[raayllum]

TDP Reflections: Strangers breakdown

So just like before with Claudia’s short story (breakdown here), I want to do a deep dive into Soren’s, not only pulling on the other short stories released thus far, but also canon and where I think it may go from here. Strap in, cause there’s a lot to (wonderfully) unpack, thanks to the density of the prose and the introspection!

Consistent motifs

First things first, the story continues the trend of having consistent motifs, this volume having a specific focus on:

Storms (water, drowning)

Hearts

Light and darkness

Trapped / chains

I’m going to be examining some of these motifs in greater detail later on, but for now I want to note a couple things:

1) Soren’s short story continues the emphasis of hearts even over storms. While many of the stories in Vol. 2 have talked about storms and water quite prominently (Ripples, Lost Child, All Storms End) not all of them have in a significant way (The Queen’s Mercy, Strangers) but all have mentioned heart. Part of this is because heart is communicative of many emotions and thereby emotional phrases, but also, I think, a more purposeful motif due to this theory I have, which is that the Key of Aaravos is a literal Key to Aaravos, and holds (or is) his literal missing heart (chest piece). 

The stranger stood up. Approached him. Soren’s heart crawled up into his throat. [...] Viren staggers backwards, his last breath shuddering through the blade. His white robes turn red at his heart. Something in Soren’s own chest shatters along old cracks, but he cannot look away.

2) Soren’s short story is the first time we’ve seen a person be directly compared and embedded in the Light and Darkness motif, concretely (although Rayla and Callum certainly come close), specifically in his bond with Ezran. This is, perhaps, the most important piece symbolically, and also provides many of the parallels between Viren and Soren we’re going to discuss.

He thudded his head back against the thick trunk of a tree and stared out into the night. The void of the Uncharted Forest seemed to go on forever, obscuring everything beyond its canopy. Even the waning moonlight struggled to pierce its veil.

Somewhere out there were his friends. His duty. His king.

Two years before, when the world had seemed darkest, Soren began to imagine Ezran as a kindling flame, a bright little light holding back the abyss. When he’d named Corvus a Crownguard, he’d told him that the young king was not only Katolis’ hope, but all of Xadia’s, too.

Soren had sworn to protect and tend that light. To nurture it. And in his darkest moments, that oath gave him a reason to feel strong again, a way to keep smiling.

How easily it had all fallen apart. How easily he’d chosen to chase the dark instead when he’d found his sister still lurking there. 

We see Ezran and Claudia juxtaposed with each other, in relation to the places they have in Soren’s life as well as in the Cycle: Ezran as a chain breaker, Claudia as a perpetuator. Ezran is now, by and large, become the most important person in Soren’s life, even if his ghosts still haunt him. And well, he’s not the only one: so let’s talk about it.

Soren’s parallels to Viren

Soren thought he was done chasing, done reaching—reaching for people who turned their backs on him, who closed doors in his face, who disappeared over the horizon and never returned.

Doors, chasing, reaching. The line of “people over the horizon line” is presumably Lissa, making this the one and only time Soren has ever thought of her even indirectly in TDP’s vast universe of material. All of this, of course, factors into the way Soren and Viren have begun to parallel each other in S4: worried for Claudia, interacting with butterflies, and Viren expressing similar doubts to the ones Soren had in 2x07/2x08 after his own physically traumatic event that Claudia steamrolled over, and then acted surprised when the emotional epiphanies continued. 

There are also the parallels, per se, with Soren and Viren having panic attacks accordingly in S4, and the parallels between Viren and Sarai coaching said sons through panic attacks. 

But more on their specific dynamic later, because... woof. 

Trapped

Welcome to subsection one of “Soren’s short story’s parallels with Callum (and Kim’dael)”, specifically: 

He struggled for a while, twisting against the thick knot bound behind him, until it was clear that not even his muscles could get him out of this one. The cloth gag in his mouth wouldn’t budge either, despite his gnawing and spitting. Soren was trapped.

Kim’dael fell back to her knees. The weight of the chain around her neck pulled her downward until she bowed her head. She pressed her fingertips to the golden metal collar at her throat. She struggled to swallow. Struggled to breathe. She was trapped.

Now, beyond the increasing emphasis on Freedom vs Imprisonment (which, delicious), feeling trapped by Viren is something that Viren has felt consistently, even when his father was literally imprisoned. While goodhearted, Soren’s view of the world, although its changed, is still fairly simplistic. Some people are good (“Ah, it’s nice being one of the good guys this time”) and some are evil (“That person is a villain. My dad is a villain”). Thus, Soren primarily ties his more negative actions (rightfully so) to wanting to follow his dad’s wishes, but assumes (wrongfully) that Claudia must also be operating under the same context. 

Because if she’s not, if this is what she wants, then in many ways, he’s truly lost his sister already. (But again, more on Soren and Claudia later.) 

Drowning as Darkness

The old man stoked the embers of the dying fire. The flames crept back to life and cast a flickering glow across his face. That face—Soren turned his focus back to the darkness. On breathing. [...] But the world spun too fast, and the face became other things, other memories in an endless torrent. His mother at his bedside. His father’s back, hunched as he read useless tomes by candlelight deep into the night. His sister, crying in her room ‘til morning. Soren gasped the darkness like water into his lungs. He could not breathe. He was drowning.

And here’s the water metaphor explicitly, conflating it with darkness and drowning directly, just like Callum’s dark magic dreams to begin with. Then, it’s exceedingly interesting that while Ezran is Soren’s light... Viren is still the one, clothed in white, who pulls Soren out of the panic attack in the first place, and this more than anything is what reaffirms to Soren that this is indeed his father, even if their bond, just like his father’s body, is broken and warped by dark magic. 

Which last but not least, let’s actually talk about....

Viren and Soren

Righting himself against the tree, Soren held his head up. “Just— get away. Get away from me.”

Something flickered across Viren’s face. For a moment, Soren thought his father would open his mouth and say something like he always did, words that hurt—ungrateful, foolish, useless—but he merely sighed and stood up.

Now, late stage S4 has only begun to hint at what novelization reading fans have known for a few years at this point, which is that Soren was a sickly child growing up and that Viren did something monstrous to heal him, which eventually fractured Viren and Lissa’s marriage. We were unsure up until S4 if it would be addressed and elaborated upon in the show, but with Viren’s “conversations with Kpp’Ar” and dark magic induced dreams, and Claudia bringing it up directly to Soren (“Without magic, you would be dead. Without Dad’s magic”), and now this short story, it’s safe to say S5 will be going full speed ahead. It’s clear that Soren does have something to be ‘grateful’ for, even if that might only be in Soren and Viren’s own minds.

Secondly, Soren referring to Viren as a monster is as loaded as it has always been (“You keep calling it a monster. Does it feel, does it think? Does it have a family?” / “You’re a monster” “You’re mistaken: I’m a pragmatist”): 

He’d conjured up another monster to hide the horrifying truth: this stranger—this man—was undeniably Viren. [...] And Viren—LORD Viren, the usurper king, the monster in Soren’s nightmares—hesitated.

But it’s something Soren has done before, albeit indirectly:

Moreover, we have Soren witness some of the more on the surface parallels between Viren and Claudia, specifically Claudia picking up her father’s mantle (literally) as well as more light and dark symbolism: 

The pair emerged from the tangled dark. Terry carried a lumpy bundle in his arms. Beside him, Claudia held up a staff to light the way. Viren’s staff. It looked too big in her hands, too heavy, but she wielded it with the same effortless elegance as her father. The sight made Soren’s gut twist.

There are also some very interesting parallels in regards to how Claudia views herself and how Soren views Viren as well:

Claudia’s reflection wavered below her in the water. Studying it, she frowned: her face was narrower than she remembered, paler against the sweeps of white hair. Even her eyes looked older somehow, as though the work of the last two years had aged something deep within her, beyond the touch of time. [...] She turned back to the water, gazing straight down into her reflection. The sallow skin, the stolen time behind her eyes… A moment later, she blinked into the pond; her reflection beamed up at her. Her eyes brighter, her face fuller, more color in her cheeks. Small changes, but still—There I am, she thought.

Those same firm hands took Soren’s face and lifted it. He opened his eyes to see the stranger’s face frowning down at him, lined with age and hardship and years without a smile. Soren realized he’d imagined all of it it—the sagging skin, the hollow eyes, the corpse-like rigidity. He’d conjured up another monster to hide the horrifying truth: this stranger—this man—was undeniably Viren.

Even if, as a final note, while Soren can accept that Viren is indeed alive again, he refuses to believe that he’s changed in any meaningful way: 

For a moment, the man was a stranger again, someone unfamiliar, reborn and new and changed and—Viren must’ve sensed his stare. He turned to look at Soren again, his gaze cold and piercing. No, Soren thought. He’s the same. He’s my father. He glowered back, making himself cold, too. Like steel. Like a blade.

What is it building up to?

So like, what is the potential point of all this, then, going into S5? A few things, I think. 

1) It confirms that Soren and Viren’s relationship (and interwoven backstories) are going to be a more prevalent focus this season. This was already set up in 4x07 with Claudia’s remark about Viren saving Soren’s life, and basically confirmed since we know Viren is having dark magic related dreams that include Kpp’Ar (a mentor he disavowed precisely because Kpp’Ar wouldn’t help him save Soren). This focus makes sense for a lot of reasons, I think, since...

2) It seems more likely than ever that Viren is going to defect, join Soren, and that they will work together to bring Claudia home once his ‘abandonment’ sends her off the rails. Viren sacrificed his son to keep his daughter in 3x03 (“If you tell her the truth you will lose her. You will need her soon”) and now S5 is set up to show just what he sacrificed to save the son who would one day kill him as well. Furthermore, it makes sense, as “Soren chose Dad” (2x09) and now for Viren, spurred by his memories and second lease on life (and growing fear of Aaravos using Claudia) to now choose Soren. This allows them to work on figuring out their fucked up dynamic, as well as giving Soren an extra reason to have faith in Claudia even as she gets worse, because if their dad can change then why not her? It also means that her family works to save her, after a lifetime of her always saving them to her immense detriment, which is just... nice, y’know?

It’d be neat, and it’s looking pretty likely, IMO. 

Misc

There were other thoughts and parallels I had that I adored, such as the Eyes, Smiles, and Almost parallels, for lack of a better distinction: 

Claudia leaned forward, shaking the homunculus’s bony shoulder hard—harder than she’d meant to. Its wings fluttered and it whined in surprise, but looked up and met her eyes. Something in its gaze made her breath catch. There was something wide and curious there, simple and yet almost familiar, almost… knowing. 

The gentle flames caught his eyes and made them somehow warm. “Soren, I—”

Zym pressed against her, warm and brilliant—his magic a thousand colors. Zubeia let it comfort her. Lightning struck again. For a moment, its sharp light gave the Dragon King’s form a gentle smile.

However, my favourite non-mage fam related parallel had to undoubtedly be the Hesitation parallel between Viren and Rayla (my beloved foils). 

R: And before I know it, I’ve failed. 

And Viren—LORD Viren, the usurper king, the monster in Soren’s nightmares—hesitated. [...] Soren stared at Viren’s back, his heart thudding against the cage of his ribs again. He had never, not once in his life, seen his father hesitate. 

Which, given the fact that Viren’s hesitation is precisely what’s pushing Claudia deeper down the path of darkness and desperation, further into Aaravos’ clutches, it seems Viren will be too late to know that he’s failed, too, at protecting/saving his daughter. 

[theofficersacademy]

                               TEAM ELECTRIC SHEEP

                                       Forsyth   Lorenz   Hinoka                                  Brigid   Soren   Shez (F)   Pelleas                                            Byleth (F)   Farina   Marth

TO HAVE A DREAM [ Aug 18-24 ]

Tag: #UnscriptedElectricSheep2022

02:19 HOURS

You awake to a loud siren coming from one of the mechs. Enemies? You’ve fought against so many now that it’s not out of the question. But when you arrive to the source of the sound, you see Laelaps and Sasha inside Soren’s KM300, fiddling with something on the dashboard.

Tense, stressed, Sasha starts with an apology, “Sorry for the alarm, but we’ve got a serious problem. The sky is like... literally falling down.”

Your immediate surroundings look the same as they ever had, but looking up at the night sky, you can just make out the difference between the familiar smoggy night sky and something... darker. More sinister. Magic flows freely through your veins, mages, and you recognize the heavy presence of dark magic.

“My navigation system shows that large sections of the surrounding areas are simply being deleted,” Laelaps says. His tone is different from what you’re used to. Instead of his flat, robotic affect, he seems... genuinely concerned. “I do not know what conclusion to draw from this, except that this will drastically affect our travel plans to Kincaid. Proposal: Regroup with our allies and decide on a new course of action. There is no guarantee that our planned course to Kincaid will exist—”

And then, darkness. You feel yourself falling down, down, back to sleep...

02:20 HOURS

General Raoul wakes up in a start, coughing and struggling to take a breath. He tries to sit up, putting one of his hands of his hands on the ground... only to find nothing there. His arm dangles off the edge of an abrupt cliff, rugged grass and earth suddenly giving way to an endless abyss of dark miasma so thick and terrible...

Dread fills his veins. Is it... no, but can’t be, not in this world! The abyss creeps ever closer. Raoul pushes himself up and runs, shouting at his allies, “Look alive! We’ve got some weird shit going on—”

And then, just past the trees, he sees them. It. Her. Among an army of military-grade mechs that glow brilliantly in the night sky like projected billboards, she is unmistakable, from her form to the painted rainbow on her chest. “Jeanne!”

The world falls apart under his feet. The last thing he does is reach out for that little glimmer of light, the world he had been in, thinking of his beloved...

...

......

??:?? HOURS

When you all awake, you find yourselves in the cockpit of a KM900. All of you.

You float through vast, endless space, safe from suffocating darkness. The mech known as Jeanne seems to be looking at you. And then, it speaks,

“Your kind had a clever idea to hide this in enchanted stories, I will give them that.” It is a man’s voice, nothing like Raoul described. “Such wondrous technology to behold! Once upon a time, we of Agartha waged war with the gods themselves in machines such as these. It is only natural to look upon our kind for inspiration and guidance, no? And yet, how tragic that it must fall apart like this...”

The landscape falls around you in pieces. Sasha and Laelaps drift down, unmoving, unresponsive. Raoul’s mech, however, seems to be fighting for its life. You can just barely make out its pilot through its visor, the general struggling hard to ascend through the darkness and meet with your group. His voice sounds from the intercom, “Guys... I don’t think I can make it... there’s not enough fuel to get back up there and fight. And there’s something... wrong with me... Damn it!”

“Now, if you would be so kind.” Jeanne holds out one hand. “Bring that angry one to me, and I may just let you leave this world. Do you even know how to escape this place? You did not travel here by your own power, remember?” The projections glow ominously in the endless darkness. “Your dear Projectionist did not give you the key out of this place, did she? To be so insignificant to her that she would simply forget to bring you out... but I offer a deal. Bring me that half,” It gestures to Raoul, “and I may let you live. I, Melanthios, give you my word.”

The projections pull out their weapons, missiles and rockets ready to launch.

“What do you say?”

Things to do:

Fight and die, or abandon this world and Raoul to return to Fódlan?

Combat doc will be finished + posted in the afternoon. Teams will be split into 2 (defaulted to A & B team settings).

Ask Mod Bren for additional questions and information.

[dfroza]

John continues

with the revelation he received to be written down nearly 2,000 years ago about a coming Judgment upon the world towards all those who reject our Creator who is Love itself. and Love is perfectly Just giving each of us the opportunity to either choose to be in Love, or not. it is all about an act of grace.

[Revelation 9]

Then the fifth messenger sounded his trumpet. I saw a star that had dropped out of heaven to earth. He received the key that unlocks the shaft leading to the abyss, the pit that falls away to nothingness; and he opened the shaft to the abyss. Huge columns of smoke rose from the depths of the cavern—a black, ugly smoke as if from a great furnace so that the sun was darkened and the air was thickened by the blanket of smoke from the shaft. From the smoke, locusts appeared and swarmed upon the earth. They were given power, like the power of scorpions on the earth. However, they were instructed not to damage any grasses, plants, or trees that grow from the earth. Instead, they were given power for five months to torture, but not to kill, the people without the seal of God upon their foreheads. The torment they inflicted was like the sting of a scorpion when it strikes. During those days, people will seek any way possible to kill themselves, but death will not befriend them. They will long to die and end their miseries, but death will elude them.

The locusts looked like horses clad in armor, ready for battle. They wore golden wreaths on their heads, and their faces appeared human with hair as long as women’s hair, but they had teeth as sharp as lions’ teeth. They had armor that appeared to be iron plated; and when their wings flapped, they sounded like an army of horse-drawn chariots rushing into battle. They have tails like scorpions with stingers, and the power invested in them to inflict torture on people for five months lies in their tails. They were ruled by the messenger of the abyss, whose Hebrew name is Abaddon and whose Greek name is Apollyon, both meaning “the Destroyer.”

The first disaster has occurred; there are two more disasters to come.

Then the sixth messenger sounded his trumpet; and I heard a voice from the four corners of the golden altar that is before God, commanding the sixth messenger with the trumpet.

A Voice: Set loose the four messengers who are bound in chains at the great river Euphrates.

Then the four messengers, who had been held in chains until the hour and the day and the month and the year when they would kill one-third of humanity, were released.

I heard that 200 million soldiers rode in the cavalry. This is how these horses and their riders appeared in my vision: the riders wore breastplates of fiery red, smoky blue, and sulfur yellow. The heads of the horses seemed to be like the heads of lions; they breathed fire and smoke and sulfur from their mouths, killing one-third of humanity with the three plagues coming out of their mouths. The lethal power of these horses was not only in their mouths but also in their tails because their tails, which resembled snakes, had heads that inflicted injury.

The rest of humanity, those not killed by these plagues, did not rethink their course and turn away from the devices of their own making. Despite all these calamities, they continued worshiping demons and idols crafted in gold, silver, bronze, stone, and wood. They bowed down to images which cannot see or hear or walk. They failed to turn away from their murders, their sorceries, their sexual immoralities, and their thefts.

The Book of Revelation, Chapter 9 (The Voice)

Today’s paired chapters of the Testaments are Revelation 9 and Numbers 10 where in Numbers instructions were given to Moses while they traveled through the wilderness to call the people to attention:

[Numbers 10]

The Eternal One continued, instructing Moses.

Eternal One (to Moses): To more easily get the people’s attention and to summon the people and notify the people that they should break camp, make yourself two trumpets out of fine, hammered silver. When you blow both trumpets, everyone should gather with you in front of the congregation tent; but if you blow only one of the trumpets, then only the leaders, the heads of the divisions, need to gather with you. You can also use them to sound an alarm. Make the alarm sound when it’s time to move on. When you need to break camp, one alarm will indicate that the people on the east side should depart; the second will be the sign for those on the south side of camp to depart. But when you only want to gather the people together (not to break camp), simply blow the normal sound.

Aaron’s people, the priests, shall blow them; this is a decree of peace for all generations to come. There will be times, when you’re living in the land I’ve promised to you, that you’ll need to fight against people who oppress you. Use the trumpets to sound an alarm. Your God, the Eternal, will remember you, and you will be saved from such enemies. Also use the trumpets in happy times. Blow them when you celebrate festivals and make sacrifices. On days of joy, feasting and new moons, sound the trumpets as you offer your burnt offerings and sacrifices of peace offerings. Again, they will be a reminder to your God. I am the Eternal One, your True God.

When the cloud finally rose up (on the twentieth day of the second month of the second year) from over the congregation tent that housed the terms of the covenant, the Israelites set out from the Sinai Wilderness until the cloud indicated they should stop in the Paran Wilderness. This was the first time they were organized and traveled in this manner—as the Eternal had instructed through Moses.

First the Judahite division left, following their banner. Judah’s tribal troops were led by Nahshon, Amminadab’s son. The Issachar tribal troops were led by Nethanel, Zuar’s son; and Helon’s son, Eliab, led the Zebulunite tribal troops.

At that point, the tent was properly disassembled and carried out by the Gershonites and Merarites.

They were followed by the Reubenite division, following their banner. Reuben’s tribal troops were led by Shedeur’s son, Elizur. The Simeon tribe’s troops were led by Shelumiel, Zurishaddai’s son; and the Gadite tribal army followed the direction of Eliasaph, son of Deuel.

Next to leave were the Kohathites, who carried the holy things as instructed. The tent would be set up again before they arrived by the Gershonites and Merarites.

Then the Ephraimite division departed under their banner. Ephraim’s tribal troops were led by Elishama (Ammihud’s son). The Manassehite tribal troops were led by Gamaliel, son of Pedahzur; and Benjamin’s tribal troops were led by Gideoni’s son, Abidan.

Finally, at the rear came the Danite division following their banner. Dan’s tribal troops were led by Ahiezer, Ammishaddai’s son. The Asherite tribal troops went under the leadership of Pagiel, Ochran’s son; and the Naphtali tribal troops under Enan’s son, Ahira. This is the order in which the Israelites broke camp and journeyed through the wilderness.

When they were just about to depart, Moses took aside Hobab (son of Reuel, Moses’ father-in-law), his Midianite brother-in-law.

Moses: Why don’t you come with us? We are going to the place that the Eternal promised to give to us. We’ll treat you well in the land. After all, the Eternal said that things will be good for Israel.

Hobab: No, thanks. I’m going to head back home, to my own place and to my kin.

Moses: Please don’t leave us. You know where it’s best to camp out here in the wilderness, and we could certainly benefit from your watching out for us. It’ll work out well for you! The Eternal has promised good things for us, and we’ll be sure that you have a share in them too.

So off they went, and they traveled for three days after leaving the Eternal’s mountain, known as Sinai or Horeb. At the very front of the traveling company was the precious box containing the terms of Israel’s agreement with their God—namely, the chest containing their covenant with the Eternal to seek out a good resting place. God’s cloud led them on by day when they broke camp and set out. When the chest began to move, Moses would always say,

Moses: Eternal One, arise! Get up, and may Your enemies scatter before You, Your opponents flee from Your presence.

And when the chest settled down again, Moses would say,

Moses: O Eternal One, turn back ten thousand to Israel’s numbers.

The Book of Numbers, Chapter 10 (The Voice)

my personal reading of the Scriptures for Tuesday, june 2 of 2020 with a paired chapter from each Testament along with Today’s Psalms and Proverbs

To accompany Today’s reading here’s a post by John Parsons shared yesterday:

The Scriptures declare that people willingly suppress the truth and “celebrate” untruth, and therefore they refuse to wake up and appreciate the spiritual danger of their lives. Soren Kierkegaard commented: “The world wants to be deceived... intensely, more intensely, more passionately perhaps than any witness to the truth has fought for the truth, the world fights to be deceived; it most gratefully rewards with applause, money, and prestige anyone who complies with its wish to be deceived” (Judge for Yourself). Indeed, any distraction that seduces people to deny reality will suffice for the sake of untruth... The Scriptures state: “And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil. For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed. But whoever does what is true comes to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that his works have been carried out in the power of God" (John 3:19-21).

It's vital to remember that one of the main tactics of the enemy of our souls is to cast a spell over us to induce a sense of forgetfulness and apathy... Satan wants you to forget that you are a child of the King. The entire venture of teshuvah (repentance) presupposes that you are created be'tzelem Elohim - in the image of God - and therefore you have infinite value and dignity. This is all the more evident in light of the awesome ransom that Yeshua paid to reconcile your soul with God. Understand then: the judgment is great because the love is so great... So what is one of the greatest of sins you can commit in your life? To forget what God has done for you... Remaining asleep, unmindful of your true identity is one of the most tragic things of life. Therefore the blast of the shofar is meant to jolt us from our sleep... We are to remember who we really are -- to remember that God is our King. The person who says, "Tomorrow I will do teshuvah" really is saying, "Not now." And then tomorrow comes and he says, "Not now." And in this way his entire life passes by, saying, "Not now." Finally one day he wakes up only to find himself already dead.

May God help us wake up today to the Reality that is set before us. The "End of the World" is the day you will die and give account of how you lived before the Truth of Eternity -- and there will be no more rationalizations, no more evasions, no excuses, no pretense of being a victim, that will bear on the question before the bar of heaven.... [Hebrew for Christians]

6.1.20 • Facebook

[bachanaliia]

fossa.

                            i said   ᴛᴏᴏ    ᴍᴜᴄʜ,   said  the   𝒘𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒈  thing                             𝓇𝑒𝓂𝑒𝓂𝒷𝑒𝓇𝒾𝓃𝑔  the  𝘪𝘮𝘢𝘨𝘦  i was  trying  to                             𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝  to  𝘠𝘖𝘜.  cast an 𝖎𝖑𝖑𝖚𝖘𝖎𝖔𝖓, think i’m                            ｌｏｓｉｎｇ my head. sometimes i FEEL-—                             be what you want,  i  𝘊𝘈𝘕   be what you want                             be what you want,  i 𝘾𝘼𝙉'𝙏 be what you want

    it’s dark when he finds time again, the past two days have gone by in such a blur that it’s only then leon feels the thunder in mind settle, leaving nothing but dark waves behind. once soren’s no longer there, he makes his way to the roof, knowing it’s the place for quietude, a chance to calm down and breathe. and that’s all he needs. the proto clutches a notebook and a pen in his grasp as he climbs up the stairs, holding on to two objects as if they’re the only thing that’s grounding him, the only thing that will give him some kind of solace when the world around him seems to crumble slowly but surely.

    a few minutes later he has settled on the floor, an idle coldness seeping through his wires, the body enclosed in a material that eerily feels like skin. it’s not the cold in the same way others feel, he knows, it’s his receptors warning him instead, an advanced thermometer of sorts instead of the blood that’s not running through his veins. his back to the wall, he has a vast abyss of darkness in front of him. too vast. a day doesn’t go by without leon missing riku, but it hits more than usual that night, the darkness is too much to bear without him, without his family. even though he hasn’t been on this world for so long, he feels old, as if the past two years were two decades instead. perhaps time is a different quality to protos as well, with his enhanced memory unable to forget any single detail.

    the notebook and pen lie on the floor next to him as he pulls his legs towards himself, arms propped up by elbows as he lets his head fall into his heads, fingers clutching his own hair as he breathes — tries to breathe. there’s no need, he knows, his body doesn’t need oxygen nor nutrition, but at that moment, there’s a feeling that he might just suffocate, lost in the abyss of his own mind, the loneliness that surrounds him, fear of everything that has happened, and everything that lies ahead of him. the speech just two days ago still echoes in his mind, the certainty in the man’s words, the implication that lay underneath them. they knew things were going wrong, and as leon keeps repeating that event over and over again in his mind, he feels further on the edge, a fear gnawing in his mind.

    it’s not something he can fix like a circuit, he can’t zoom in and detect the problem like he would with a piece of machinery — and for the first time in weeks, he feels mad at riku for leaving him so alone, for making him feel so much when there’s nothing he can do to help it. is it really fair ? that leon feels so much when he shouldn’t, that the thunder in his mind doesn’t make sense for a being whose entire purpose is to be logical. it hurts, feeling him hollow, and after a short moment, he feels even worse for harbouring such thoughts about riku, the man who made him, the man who loved him for who he was. he remembers the first time he opened his eyes, he remembers the man’s thick but soothing voice reading books to him, everything from dostoyevsky to kafka to anything else, both of them tucked into bed even though leon didn’t need a blink of sleep. it was so odd back then, that this man who was superior in every aspect would devote such a great proportion of his own time, to a simple proto who could download things easily and do anything riku wished. there were many things that surprised him through the months, but one thing he didn’t see was how much he cared about him, how much they bonded, how much he has learned and changed. one thing he can’t forget is the smile on the man’s face whenever he did something that wasn’t purely logical, an illogical of emotion, feeling. that smile is crystal clear in his own mind, as it’s the last moments they spent together.

   and looking back now, in a period where a change in protos is shunned, leon feels like his entire existence is tainted, labelled as a defect. what can he do ? what should he do ? he refuses to believe in what they say, because they contradict with riku’s words so strongly, it reminds him of the hate-mails he read, the strong words, the threats— the only difference now is that there is no riku there to smile up at him and shake his head, no one to reassure him that there’s nothing wrong with who he is. the doubts are too recent, too clear in his mind, the conversations with soren and kitts has left him feeling less lonely, eased him out of the mindset that he needed to leave —- but still, he fears that he’s being a burden on them, on every one of his friends. the same curiosity and excitement that makes leon who he is,turns into dread and fear, and when he feels like he can’t take it anymore, he grabs the notebook and begins to write. no preamble, his words simply bleeding into the paper.

         you left — you left and i don’t know what to do. i know you told me i could write to you whenever you were busy and i wanted to let it out but is it okay for me to do now ? why did you leave ? why didn’t you tell me something could happen — wasn’t there anything i could do ? we could have left — just the two of us like you said. you were going to show me other cities, the places you read to me about. there was so much we could do, but the cause, you always cared a lot about it, and i can’t understand now, i don’t understand anything. maybe you’ve foreseen this ? — did you ? did you know that protos like me would be labelled as defects, seen as a threat ?

         did you make me like this regardless ? i just want to know, i feel like there’s a huge piece missing, one that you took with you, one that you always kept from me no matter how much we talked. i can’t help but feel like i was always waiting for something, being honed to be next to you, to become something better but — now… there’s nothing, and i don’t know what to do — please, please you have to tell me, you have to teach me again, i wasn’t — i’m not ready for what’s about to come, i’m not. i’m not ready.

    the letters begin to feel more rushed, the pen in his hold shaking as he continues to write, his teeth sink into the back of his lip, his eyes stinging as he fights for words, no matter how in vain they are. they’ll never reach riku, but he has to let them out, in a way he did when the man was busy in his office, when leon was told to be patient, calm. he wants to believe it’s just a long meeting riku has gone to, but his mind is too cruel, too precise to remind him immediately how he died in his own arms, how his heartbeats faltered and diminished into nothing, into a silence that still haunts him. he clutches the pen hard, and feels a few tears leak out of his eyes, another thing that he’ll never understand why riku ever gave him. it was a surprise back then at the house, the dampness in his cheeks foreign, but now he knows what they are, and the sole purpose they serve is to make him feel weaker, utterly lost. he didn’t know what they were back then, because riku was there, he was happier than he had ever been. if only he knew — if only there was anything he could do. the storm had been brewing even then, but leon had been too naive to notice, the same storm that begins to take its full force now. he clutches the pen once again, scribbling down the last few words, the paper slightly wet that ink begins to blot.

         i miss you. i feel lost. i don’t know what to do.

     there are no more words to be said or written. these three sentences sums up his entire being, so with that, he closes the notebook, puts it back down and buries his face back in his arms. and the shivering that takes his frame has nothing to do with the cold outside, but the one inside him.

[taoching7-blog]

Friday June 8th 2018

Rumi said: “The ego is a veil between humans and God” and Nisargadatta Maharaj stated that “Wisdom is knowing I am nothing. Love is knowing I am everything, and between the two my life flows”. What is ego? The official definition is that ego is “a person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance”. In psychoanalysis, the ego is “the part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and the subconscious and is responsible for reality testing and a sense of personal identity”. The word ego has come with a lot of negative connotations, at least from a societal standpoint. 

The issue is that ego seems to cover two different aspects of a person: their self-esteem and importance within reality/society as well as their personality, the distinct part of the whole. That is what Nisargadatta means when he says that wisdom dictates that we are nothing, because we are part of the whole and cannot escape it. You cannot escape the universe with its laws governing the physical and non-physical, matter and energy or force. Wisdom tells you that you cannot escape it and that you are a small part of a tremendous large system, an infinite universe. Attempting to work against the universe and its laws is impossible. All we can do is work with the universe, go with the river instead of trying to swim up. When he says that “love is knowing I am everything” refers to the fact that, to me, love is connection. As a part of the universe, you are also in essence the universe. You are connected to everything in the universe by being in the universe. Within your limited scope, you are also able to interact and bring the universe into motion, if only at an infinitesimally small scale, an infinitely small cog in an unending machine. How does ego play into all of this? 

Ego is an understanding of our part in all of this. Ego requires thinking: “I think therefore I am”. We are always seek to define ourselves, but by doing so we limit ourselves to the definition of self. “Once you define me you negate me” - Soren Kierkegaard. “Trying to define yourself is like biting your own teeth” - Alan Watts. If you try to define yourself, you are first limited by your vocabulary. How to convey a concept without knowing a word for it? You can feel something but not be able to communicate what you feel. That means you lacks words, but even if you have the words, you still limit the scope of the feeling, thing, or person you are describing. 

If you look at a tree and think the word ‘tree’ you stop looking at the tree and you start thinking about the word tree. It creates a distance between what is felt (heart) and what is understood (mind). You really do limit yourself by attempting to define yourself, mostly because it is impossible to know who you are. You are an ever-changing part of the universe that has become conscious of itself. But what does that mean for us? Who are we? Or what are we? Can you have a personality without having an ego? What if we focused on emotions instead of thoughts? Our thoughts and opinions will always defer, but emotions are different. Although the circumstances and details are always different, emotions are similar, not only to you but to everyone. Anger, love, and joy are all feelings that can be shared among people. 

Feelings have the potential to bring us closer together, but ego always wants to create a distance between ‘you’ and the rest of humanity and the universe. Your personality refers not to who you are, but what you are. What is it that you are sending out into the universe? What are you sending out into society? What do people ‘feel’ when you walk into the room? What do people feel when they are talking to you or interacting with you? It is like having a conversation with someone you just met and you really vibe with the other person, where you notice that both of you are feeling a connection and that you are both conscious of it. As if you feel that you know each other from a past life. That feeling is love. Not our limited and possessive definition of love, focusing on the romance between two individuals. It is a love that is accepting, embracing, and full of wonder for this other person, animal, or object. It is connection at the deepest level, a feeling of knowing that you are not alone in that you are part of something greater than yourself.

It is our mind that through thoughts attempts to widen the gap between you and everything and everyone else. It does so by defining itself and others and by imposing its will on others, not respecting the natural interaction between all things.“The mind creates the abyss, the heart crosses it” - Nisargadatta Maharaj. This then brings us back to the first quote by Rumi: “The ego is a veil between humans and God [Universe]”. By attempting to define ourselves and the people and things around us, we separate ourselves from the rest of creation. However, our feelings are infinite in their reach. Focus on the feeling of love and acceptance in your approach to the world and you will not only find peace, but you will be open yourself to a rich and vast existence.

[raayllum]

but yeah like

Two years before, when the world had seemed darkest, Soren began to imagine Ezran as a kindling flame, a bright little light holding back the abyss. When he’d named Corvus a Crownguard, he’d told him that the young king was not only Katolis’ hope, but all of Xadia’s, too.

Soren had sworn to protect and tend that light. To nurture it. And in his darkest moments, that oath gave him a reason to feel strong again, a way to keep smiling.

and

They said that, sometimes, we make sacrifices so that the ones we love don’t have to. It’s part of protecting them—part of protecting you. Taking on hard choices and going to dark places is an act of love. It’s a gift.

So, please let me give you this gift, Callum. Stay safe, and stay in the light. Don’t follow me, and don’t look for me. I don’t think you’ll find me, anyway.

really feeling “Soren protecting Ezran from Callum while Rayla focuses on saving Callum” in S5 more than ever