#HA AHAHAHAHAHAHAH

[haven-of-trash]

I haven't wanted to write for a fandom in so long, my last one was F&H and the one before that was SP and that one absolutely abolished and hurt me in ways no other fandom has.

Legit since then its been a struggle to be creative, but now- interacting with some of the people here (although quite small) in the DD fandom has brought me joy and actual comfort.

It may be a small few and I may haven't integrated myself fully in the circle but so many people have been super kind and I haven't been this excited to write for a piece of media in so long its so... Refreshing.

Its so lovely, and feels good and I feel that maybe this time I can actually stay and write my piece and finally have friendly and good feedback. :)))

Honestly, thank you <3

[antimony-medusa]

Guys, every time I post something about like “you may not realize this but you’re really coming up on a kink here, consider tagging”, as the post escapes my circle I keep getting people coming into my notes like “YEAH I’m sick of those FREAKS in the fandom, get them out” and like that is not what I’m saying at all.

I have been posting things because I think some people aren’t realizing how they’re coming across in some cases, or not realizing that this connection is tropes they’re super into has a specific name. It happened just the other day with someone coming up to me like “wait intox kink is a thing”? And yes. These are all things. There are names for all these things.

I’m posting these things because a) it starts to get rude to take some of these tropes and insist there’s nothing but vanilla posting happening in this fic. In the same way as you wouldn’t show up to work in a bikini there are fic subjects that are rude to drop on people unwarned.

And like, when I hit things I’m not into unwarned there’s a whole spectrum there from raising my eyebrows and continuing to having to click off a fic, but I do not have a moral or ethical problem with people writing family relationships I consider to be suspect. I think you should tag it to be polite but in the same way as I would go Huh about someone coming into my work in a bikini, I think they’ve misread the tone of the room, but they have not committed a mortal sin. I’m not saying that this person who showed up in a bikini is someone we should shun out of the community. God, I have hit legit triggers unwarned for before, and I don’t enjoy that, but I don’t think the person who did this is a terrible person or something. You messed up but you’re still like, fine.

But I’m also posting it because b) knowing that what you’re into has a name can be an experience full of joy. Mortifying? Yes! Especially if you realize that this is a theme through multiple of your works and you had no idea! Ask me about my fucking discovery that I found dubcon interesting and I’d been writing YA novels with romantic interactions structured around uneven power deferentials. I wanted to throw myself into the sea and never write again.

But once I went ohhhhhhh that’s why I found interactions where one person had a dearth of options to be interesting, I could b) not put it in my work unwarned for and not for all audiences c) investigate that theme more fully and decide if I wanted to celebrate it structurally and focus in on it or just include it as a fun highlight d) seek out other works with that tag and see other people exploring that. e) understand the baffling reactions I had going on from people where sometimes I could bring up a story and it would go well and sometimes they would hate it and it seemed random? Connected to Whump? Me trying to do romance was bad? No, it turns out one of my friends hates consent issues and I think they’re fun. You know how much easier that made interactions with that friend?

Like, part of the posting I have been doing is because there are tropes you don’t bring up in polite company. Incest is one of them. Consent issues. Daddy kink. If I was doing these things and putting them in the platonic tag, I would want to be warned that I was doing it. And sometimes the tone of my posts has gotten a bit hysterical because seeing endless waves of this stuff presented as though it’s vanilla can make you feel like you’re in the mirror dimension. *I* know that you shouldn’t be doing that, but everyone around me had shown up to the exam wearing a banana bikini. They are gonna go out into the work world like that. Do they not know? Etc.

But like if you spend enough time with yourself you’ll find you’ve got one or two interests you have to pick the friend group to talk about because people will think they’re weird. Everybody is like this. People are strange and complex. I don’t want to get into pointing and going ahahahahahahah look at that, and I’m sorry if I’ve gone down that path.

I just think that it would be helpful if we use the right words for things occasionally.

[asukaskerian]

peddling svsss (spoilers abound)

lovingthatofficeyfeel: ok. Now try to sell me on SVSSS because I read the summary and go 'nope, nope, nope icky power dynamics do not want, nooooope' because if it is not that I am also amenable (Book summary: "Half-demon Luo Binghe rose from humble beginnings and a tortured past to become unrivaled in strength and beauty. With his harem of over three hundred wives, and dominion over both the human and demonic realms, he is truly the most powerful protagonist—in a trashy web novel series!

At least, that's what Shen Yuan, online alias "Peerless Cucumber," believes as he finishes reading the final chapter in Proud Immortal Demon Way. But when a combination of rage and a poor meal choice leads to his death, Shen Yuan finds himself reborn into the world of the web novel, in the body of Shen Qingqiu—the beautiful but cruel teacher to a young Luo Binghe.

Although as Shen Qingqiu, he now has incredible power and abilities as a cultivator, he’s destined to be horrifically punished for crimes against the protagonist, so this new Shen Qingqiu has only one course of action: get into Luo Binghe’s good graces before the young man’s rise to power. That’s the only way he’ll escape the awful fate of a true scum villain!")

lovingthatofficeyfeel: ^ like based on that summary, I would never read that light novel on my own

Askerian: oh man yeah it makes it sound like grooming as fuck Askerian: grooosssss

lovingthatofficeyfeel: exactly! lovingthatofficeyfeel: its like this for most of the danmei!

Askerian: it's not like that at ALL

lovingthatofficeyfeel: which is why I want to know why people like it so much

Askerian: ok first of all, the guy he's stuck inside of is a high ranking ice bitch, so he has to speak that way too, BUT! he's a huge nerd inside! Askerian: the contrast between the speech and the narration is sometimes completely hilarious Askerian: also. his screen name peerless cucumber is a dick joke. and the book author's airplane shooting toward the sky is also a dick joke Askerian: this guy is the kind of oblivious demisexual who will read a 600+ chapters harem story for the worldbuilding

Askerian: and the protagonist! he LOVES the main character, so he also looks favorably upon him getting everything life owes him including sex, he supposes, but! none of his wives LOVE HIM PROPERLY. hm. let's flame the author over that. Askerian: anyway so then he lands himself in the body of a teacher to a 14 year old abused kid. who is a kid! and a very adorable kid. yeee time to spoil the shit out of him Askerian: the issue there is that there's a system/game manager forcing plot points and assigning quests and no matter what he does some things must happen, such as his betraying his poor clingy baby student so that he can rise magnificently from a hell dimension and take his place as a demon king Askerian: so when his adorable little student comes back Pissed and starts doing things that look very similar to what happened in the book just before murdering his evil teacher, he starts running. but he also really wants to help his student survive and even thrive! but also, not die in the process PLEASE.

Askerian: meanwhile luo binghe went from abused by sensei to spoiled by sensei to "i will marry sensei when i grow up" to "STOP RUNNING FROM ME AND EXPLAIN"

Askerian: main character can't explain, btw. he'd die.

lovingthatofficeyfeel: ahahahahahahah OMG lovingthatofficeyfeel: see THIS, this is my shit lovingthatofficeyfeel: this sounds freaking God Tier hijinks humour

Askerian: it's so damn fun XD

lovingthatofficeyfeel: you should write the summaries for seven seas' danmei books

Askerian: also the System sells "small scenario pushers" for points Askerian: guy "what's that, ok, let's buy, maybe it'l save my life" => WHY DID I END UP HALF NAKED AND DRENCHED Askerian: luo binghe : hhhhhhh 🍆

lovingthatofficeyfeel: ahahahaha omg, wet hanfu Saves Lives XD

Askerian: shen yuan: idk what distracted him but time to run Askerian: luo binghe: D:< wAIT STOP BEING NAKED AROUND MY LOVE RIVALS shen yuan: oh no he wants to kill me twice as much Askerian: he's Oblivious (tm)

lovingthatofficeyfeel: omg. 'oblivious demi-sexual keeps running away from future-demon-king trying to seduce him'

Askerian: yiss

lovingthatofficeyfeel: this is a fanfic plot in the best way

Askerian: YISS. Askerian: i kinda love luo binghe's character too tbh. he's so nice! but he's such a yandere sometimes Askerian: i mean, nice. :X Askerian: "my fantasy life is to be my master's little housewife and i will burn down the world to make it happen" dude :X

lovingthatofficeyfeel: honestly, good on him for having balanced life goals XD

Askerian: as a kid he's adorable but also already "i hear what you said! i understand it! gonna do what i felt was right tho" Askerian: after he's been given unconditional love by sensei!!!!! but also betrayed by sensei!!! he doesnt know which way is up anymore. it's kinda clear that in the book he was from, his original version was using "seduction and sex with this random new girl that will disappear from the plot in five chapters" to paper the holes Askerian: like, couldn't trust anybody's love because he never had any, but desperately needed it. Askerian: this one's had a taste before, and doesn't know what he must have done to lose it, but he will fix it!! but only sensei will do Askerian: main character keeps expecting him to hook up with dozens of girls and it never happens and he's ?? while also totally missing all the admirers HE is gathering Askerian: also issues because he's a half demon, and sensei said he thought good demons must exist, but he was still rejected on reveal, so does that mean "there can be good demons but you're not one" Askerian: and since he's naturally smooth and it easily goes into manipulation, everything he does or say, sensei takes it as some underhanded threat or plot! he was a demon king in the book ok?! Askerian: book him was NOT nice Askerian: anyway a REALLY fun read

Askerian: though don't expect the sex scene to be good because it's a half-feral "fixing you via magic sex" and he canonically has huge meat :X Askerian: and since he has ZERO experience it uh, goes badly Askerian: tbh the author's gift does not lie with sexy porn

but tbf the point of the scene was NOT to be sexy, soooo...

[sunwhispers]

mizuenatober 6 - love languages i love my hcs for mzen love languages and wanted to draw more but. realized i dont have any ideas of how to portray it fully using art so instead im giving you this and im gonna make a post rambling about this.

mizuki

giving

gift gifting! i think they love to get ena as well as their other friends smaller or bigger gifts, like some cute accessories they found in a store and it reminded it of her. also a big fan of doing handmade gifts. imagine mzk making ena a dress??

acts of service: they like to lift some weight off ena's back for all the teasing!! like domestic mizuena and ena says she'll do the dishes when she gets back but mizuki is like NO HEHE ILL DO IT FIRST because then ena will feel a nice relief once she gets there and :D theyre also like a little puppy. ena tells them to pass her the tv remote and theyre like YES YOUR HIGHNESS. also royalty au ahahahahahahah. this works really well here

quality time: you know how mizuki treasures time spent with niigo because everyone else left them after some time and didnt do something "next time"? yeah! its canon mizuena goes out together a lot, whether to check a cafe or shopping. ofc theyre into quality time.

receiving

words of affirmation. absolutely words of affirmation. they need to get a clear confirmation they're accepted and loved after all they've been through and if they don't, they tend to overthink things..

quality time mentioned above :3

ena

giving

words of affirmation, again! she may have some tsundere moments but makes sure mizuki knows they're loved when they need to and.. do i even have to say anything.

AND SHE KEEPS BRINGING IT UP TOO. making sure mizuki doesnt think of something stupid!!!!! daily reminders i wait for you motherfucker!!!

physical contact: SHES A HUGGER IN HER SLEEP I KNOW IT she always clings to a plushie or a person. when awake she may not really show it in public (tsundere behavior again.. tch..) but she likes little gestures like kicking each other under a table when eating out, or nudging mizuki with her elbow, just. whatever contact that wouldnt be so vulnerable. she used to wrestle with akito a lot as a kid and kinda still likes to playfully fight with people? kinda like cats/dogs bond thru playful fights!

quality time: she likes hanging out with people!! going outs with mizuki i mentioned before + picnic event where her idea of getting something out of mizuki is spending quality time with her, airi and shizuku

receiving

acts of service! the way she's an older sister makes me think she grew up feeling she has a lot of responsibility on her shoulders and. its nice to have that taken care of instead of worrying about it yourself

aand physical touch. likes giving and likes receiving. there's not much i want to add really because my previous phys touch explained everything LOL

if youve read this thanks. i think im insane

[trueshame]

Embarrassed naked man runs on the streets of Cleveland

Location: USA 🇺🇸 (Cleveland, OH; Rocky River Dr) Year: 2019 Genre: Walk of Shame

Naked black man is spotted running on the street by a driver that decided to record the man in his embarrassing situation. The driver is yelling and laughing at the naked man as he walks covering his dick.

The Naked Man (NM)

Name: Unknown Age: 33-35 (estimated) Nationality: American

This is a black man in his 30s. He has a nice abundant facial hair and several tattoos on his arms. We managed to capture the moment where the man is shamefully looking at the car driver noticing he's being recorded.

It is unclear why the man was naked and walked the streets like that. By his behaviour we estimated that the man was either robbed of his clothes due to illegal activity or he was busted cheating with some other man's wife and had to escape his lover's place leaving his clothes behind. He could also have been robbed of clothes and made to walk home like this as punishment/revenge.

Notice how the naked man keeps walking with his head up, denying to let other people know his shame and embarrassment. He strolls down the road, looking straight forward, like a proud guy he used to be.

He covers his dick with some kind of book or leaflet, clearly doesn't do a good job as his balls are showing from the side view. He didn't do the same with his ass, leaving it uncovered and visible for everyone.

What makes us to pay attention is definitely two things: large, leaky man tits and huge, jiggly ass.

Yet the most embarrassing and also the most noticable part is definitely the naked man's butt. We can notice large buttocks that spreads widely when the man is walking. Every step makes his ass cheeks jiggle and his asscrack to open up. We were able to extract the specific moment when it happens:

This is also the part when the car driver/camera man burst laughing.

Helpless and abandoned, the naked man that was walking at first, started to run while crossing the street, probably to not block the road for the upcoming cars.

The Clothed Man (CM)

We couldn't obtain the clothed man's identity, not even his face or posture. All we have is his voice from behind the camera. The clothed man is driving a car and as he sees the naked man running, he decides to record it and even slows down to talk to the naked man!

Besides of huge amount of laughing, the car driver asks the naked man what's going on:

|Hey, fam, you hey! What's going on yo!? AHAHAHAHAHAHAH|

The naked man didn't respond to the questions, he kept walking but he gave a hand gesture that could mean " I am fine, keep driving dude" or (after noticing the camera) "Stop recording me and drive".

Then the car driver/camera man drives away laughing on loud, leaving the naked man alone so he can walk his way home in peace.

The fact that the naked man did not ask for help or lift from the driver indicates that he was deeply ashamed and did not want to interact with anyone while being naked. This also supports the hypotesis that the man was robbed of his clothes and made to walk home like this as some kind of punishment from other men/gang.

Based on the video we were able to identify the exact place where the embarrassing situation took place. We could notice a Discount Drug Mart store and the St. Patrick Church. Based on that information we have found the city of Cleveland was the scene of this very spectacular walk of shame.

The man was crossing the Rocky River Dr and Puritas Ave crossroad. The exact coordinates are: 41°26'03.6"N 81°49'20.3"W

[f3mcelbambi]

just found out another girl likes anam HAHAAH but she has a boyfriend but LIKE AHAHAHAHAHAHAH

[forest-watcher-tighnari]

The only pain i want in my life is cham-Pain

Get it? Cham-Pain as in CHAMPAIGN.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAH

…ahaha….ha…..

Do you people not understand that I get enough of this from Cyno as it is?

[binart]

I’m a veteran from when BPJ was still being made so every time I see the notification that you’re answering asks I just instinctively think “Oh fuck what pain has Bina put Lance through now???” Because for like a year I had to watch as Lance veeery slowly escaped being tortured and bleeding out with his team completely unaware how much danger he was in

OH!!!!! VETERAN'S DISCOUNT FOR YOU!!!! <33

and ahahAHAHAHAHAH excellent excellent yes

[kaiseinx]

so when i was on my way to my home i thought about this :

what about being dg's s/o but at the same time being yoojin (eugene) and yoosung older sister??? (btw you and dg are in the same highschool)

so let's think about it.

spoiler chapter 427-429 ‼️‼️

you're the one who ask dg to be on ilhae side.

so when dg's didn't do what he and yoojin promise yoojin literally told you to be careful with him or even break up with him.

but ofc because you known him from gen 1 you understand why he chose that.

so you just tell yoojin that he have to understand if dg's didn't want his old habits to show up. (like- bro look at the gen 1 king?!?!?).

but when you heard that dg tell his plan to daniel (hyungseok) you where shock when he say who he was searching for.

cause ofc you knew that “jinyoung” is with yoojin.

but you didn't want to break your relationship with yoojin or dg so you keep quiet about it.

(imagine if you're an idol too).

being in a secret relationship with an idol???

so yes. some people ship you with him because all of your social media are friends with him.

but some people also ship you and dg's with some other idol.

so imagine daniel (hyungseok) is a fan of you so when he saw you sitting right beside dg (chapter 99) he already decided that he was going to get you hand sign. so when he was already done he quickly ask if someone has a pen or paper. so when you go out from that room he can ask for your hand sign.

and ofc when you walk away with dg's on your back (well he didn't really see dg) he already comes to you and ask for your hand sign. ofc you give it to him. and guess what dg's text you that night?

male version of Peppa pig.

“SuRe, HeRe. ☺️”

(don't mind the name. it's just suit him.)

LOLOLOL HE ACTUALLY WANT TO STOP YOU BECAUSE HE'S JEALOUS BUT HE CAN'T BECAUSE IF HE DO THAT DANIEL (HYUNGSEOK) MIGHT SUSPECT YOU GUYS RELATIONSHIP.

(it's your choice to keep your dating a secret tbh, so he just agree to it.)

SO. IMAGINE WHEN YOOJIN SHOWS YOU BALD HYUNGSEOK AHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

ok. sorry ig.

btw, yoojin might keep you a secret from everyone.

i mean EVERYONE.

even you didn't tell dg that you're yoojin sister.

yoojin tell everyone that you're his best friend.

ofc you're.

you're the one who understands him better than himself.

ok. let's stopped here. actually I still have some ideas for this but I'm too lazy to write them. maybe later I will update this later to add other ideas.

[greypetrel]

✨Self-Rec Tag Game ✨

Thank you very much @shivunin! ✨✨✨

Rules: Share five of your own fanworks (fic, art, etc.). Then, tag five more people to share the things they've made. e.g.: 1. Something you absolutely adore 2. Something that was challenging to create 3. Something that makes you laugh (or smile, if that fits more comfortably) 4. Something that surprised you (in how it turned out, how much other people liked it, etc.) 5. Something you want other people to see

Soooo... I'm actually one of those people who can't just tell you ONE favourite thing. If you ask me about my favourite movie, I'll shorten the list to ten and will cry because I left something I love outside. Oops, I guess.

And I also really love colour coordination. 🌈

1. Something I absolutely adore.

I don't absolutely adore any of my works ahahahahahahah.

Beside some self-deprecation, I'm still very please with this fanart of Aisling and Dorian looking outside the window.

I know you don't appreciate much Crossovers, Mo and way too many people around, but the chance to put together two things I love... I would never tackle fanfiction if I didn't have something mine to put it (that's why I started writing fic with Dragon Age, which is based on the "Create your own character" basic), so this was my chance at tackling Tolkien lore which I absolutely adore and has been part of my life ever since I was a little bean.

There's also a fic which is basically LOTR... But with Dragon Age Characters (taking advantage of the fact that in the book nothing much is seen of Mordor... I slipped everyone there and I promise it makes more sense x°D)

2. Something that was challenging to create

Everything concerning Raina, which you can now find in this convenient folder I'll fill little by little on AO3.

I... Accidentally tackled too many things that strikes close to home with her, and writing her is basically something similar to a therapy session. The current thing I'm working on is proving difficult.

But I'll say this official portrait of her, just for the fact that I tried a new way of colouring (thanks to @ndostairlyrium forever and ever for the tips and tricks) and everything was new and challenging. The amount of times I cursed myself for putting a background! xD

3. Something that makes you laugh

You see, Mo, I am very unable to choose just one thing. If you ask me what's my favourite movie, I can shorten my list to 10. I'll give you three.

The Bi Cullen series. I should do another one, I just have to finish it, but this is close to my heart. Because bi panic and science bros.

This little exploration in the Mythal Temple, full with very necessary Indiana Jones and Emperor's New Groove quotes.

And last but not least, the one and only Haunting Queen, Doris the Rage Demon who lives in Cullen and Aisling's stove and is deeply in love with Cullen... And also very jealous. It's jealousy, it's not Aisling that doesn't know how to cook.

4. Something that surprised you (in how it turned out, how much other people liked it, etc.)

Ok, for this I have 2:

Home Was Never on the Ground aka the Monster fic. It's my first attempt at fanfiction and the first prose I had written in YEARS. I thought of an anthology of moments missed in game, or expansions of scenes I liked. I am honestly surprised by the amount of hits it got and even if I see flaws, I like my baby.

One for the Road. Aka. Fenris/Lavellan 2 chapter fic. I wrote it as a divertissement, it ended up to be extra angsty... And I sincerely thought I had totally misinterpreted Fenris here. I remember being so nervous when posting it that I actually considered keeping it for myself. And instead, it was received well?

5. Something you want other people to see

On this I'm more sure! (well.)

My little joy is the DadWolf AU which you can find here. Basically, a Modern AU following the events of DA2 and Inquisition... With something changed.

Namely, Solas woke up 30 years before, and he and Varric were roommates. And they co-parent my Inquisitor, Aisling, and Dorian who are actually science bros. It's something that brings me joy in doing, there's nothing written as per yet save some prompts but it will be!

Also one fanart I'm very very attached to is this one which was done in collaboration with @ndostairlyrium (I drew it, she coloured it), and which now guards me from my wall when I work in my studio.

In case you all were still wondering yes, I'm wordy. I know it's a surprise.

I reckon that I forgot to tag, OOPS. @rosella-writes @oxygenforthewicked @cullenvhenan @cao-the-dreamer @transprincecaspian and for the rest I think everyone was already tagged...? Send me a word if you were not and would like to!

[dangermousie]

This is such a lovely, lovely, sequence in ep 2 and a great way to show that Ling may be brash and loud and vulgar and what not but he is a genuinely nice person when it matters - he gives her the drawing back (that she wrote the address/directions on the back of) though he wanted it badly and though he barely knows her and she hasn't been warm to him. Because it's hers, not his. And even apologizes for crumpling it before he saw what it was. He is bashful and genuine and none of it is motivated by wanting to pick her up and it's honestly so lovely.

This bit! When she says it doesn't matter since this is just prep material and the way his jaw metaphorically drops because this is something he treasured so much and she's all "it's nbd piece of nothing."

God...I forgot how genuine they both were.

I love it, honestly. Because she's also not trying to pick him up (she's as far from that sort of thing as the moon) but he's admired her art and has been nice and protected her from the molesting creep so...

This is the very first time we see Qi Luo smile. At his enthusiasm. They don't know it, but they are beginning oh-so-gradually bring each other back to life.

Honestly, I love him. Also, I don't have this capped but the first thing he says is he doesn't have money to pay, which is why he has to come up with something else and it was my first drama and so I did not realize how rare it was to have characters who are broke and stay broke and act broke and it informs their living conditions but it is and yet this drama does. Except for a brief bit where he's made to live with his father again (and that ends fairly quickly), Ling is broke at the start and he continues to be broke through the end (though he gets to be a racer by the end so things are looking up) and Qi Luo herself is barely middle class. It's rare and I love it.

I am screaming into my hands at this scene no matter how many time I rewatch it but also, he really does end up carrying it out, doesn't he? I do love his protectiveness. Part of the reason Ling is first drawn to Qi Luo is not just her painting which makes him think of his mother, but it's because, at his base, Ling is a very protective person. Sheng has twisted that, one of Ling's best qualities, but it's still there and he's found another outlet for this, only this time she is worthy. Just as he is worthy of her trust.

Oh Ling ahahahahahahah

The thing that is so awesome about this little sequence is not that he just says it because he can't help it, he's not really meaning it or expecting anything but her reaction. She does not desire him in any way (sexual desire is a LONG way off for her) but she is not in the least shaken or uncomfortable because she knows he means no harm or even a genuine offer and is just being his usual self. In fact, she uses this opportunity to ask him to model which means she feels safe to be in confined spaces alone with him and this is insanely huge as is the fact that she allows herself to be amused at his confusion. But also his face before she clarifies is amazing ahahahaha.

This is actually going to lead me on a loooong discussion as to how this is a rare drama where the (eventual) sex scene isn't just for fun and aesthetics (not that there is anything wrong with that) but for character development and progression. Because sexuality and approach to it is a crucial important part of the story.

This is most obvious, of course, in the case of Qi Luo. QL, after the repeated rapes by her stepfather, is obviously someone who’s not only locked her sexuality away and threw out the key, but she is someone so incredibly traumatized when the drama starts that she can’t even bear to interact with boys in any fashion at all.

She is terrified of Ling/dislikes him in the beginning (and it’s a vague general dislike that she shares for the rest of the world, not specific to him) when he does nothing more than politely asks her for directions. This is the girl who used to pray every day that no one speak to her in school.

And yet, paradoxically, part of the reason she is OK with Ling at the very start, even before she falls for him, enough not to shut him out is that he is so open about everything, sexuality included. I am thinking of that bit at lunch where he is trying to talk to her and she is staying silent so he jokes whether she would like him to open her mouth with his tongue. It's ridiculous and overt like all his pick up lines which have the subtlety of a brick. But it’s all open, on the surface, nothing hidden, what you see is what you get. She knows where she stands. Everything out in the open (well, not his issues but that’s a matter for another discussion) and he doesn’t treat her as a weirdo but an attractive girl, but also his attentions are so good-naturedly out there and so general that she doesn’t have to worry about him pouncing for real. It’s just talk he’ll do with anyone and if she doesn’t take him up on the offer, he’ll find someone else and he is not really pursuing her. In fact, she sees how protective he is of her.

He is not like her stepfather or that teacher (as she actually tells him at one point.) She is terrified of ‘normal’ because she’s seen what horrible things it can hide. With someone like Ling, it’s not hidden at all and the very fact that he doesn’t lie or pretend, that all the weirdness is out there so she knows what to expect, makes her feel safe. (Of course, as we later find out, a part of her is drawn to Ling precisely because of the violence, because he is acting out what she so much wants to do, to her tormentors, in her head. Tong Dao might assume she is Ling’s good angel and he is right. He is also right that if she were to disappear Ling would go full blown psycho (even at the very end, when Ling says he wouldn’t get revenge on Tong Dao, I don’t know. It’s tremendous growth that he can even think that but I think he really would snap in some horrifying way if QL died). But, in some ways Tong Dao is very wrong as she has an enormous deal of darkness in her. After all, she is the one who wants the stepfather dead, and it is Ling who stops.)

And as she starts to interact and falls in love with Ling, she begins to open up, both emotionally and physically. Part of the reason she is so adamant about not giving Ling up (when Qing Mei threatens her and tells her she will smash her hand and so QL won’t be able to paint, QL replies that it’s only her right hand and she can teach herself with her left) is because he really is the only connection to humanity and to feeling normal she has. She has so few outlets that she is desperate to keep this - she clings to him because he's her first/last chance (and she is his.) And of course, through being with Ling, through letting in another person, finally feeling secure to feel, she begins to let others in as well: Da Ye, Qing Mei (who goes from enemy to a friend), etc. I love that she will always be an introvert, the reserved one. But she is so much more functional at the end.

But she opens up physically, too. I am thinking of all the kissing and hugging and the amount of physical contact, which must be such a novelty to her (the scene that kills me is when she later tells Ling that he is the first person she’s kissed because through everything, she’s never been kissed.) It's gradual and fraught and lovely and culminates with the sex scene after which, significantly, the sexuality thing is not really addressed again except in normal fashion of her waking him up in the morning or his father asking about kids blah blah.

Tangent: with that scene, it’s so crucial that she is the one who makes the first move, because after knowing of her rape, there is no way Ling would make the first move. It's pretty telling, the way she phrases her request to him: to take her back to the time before she was 16 (which is when she was raped). For her, making love with Ling is really reclaiming herself, fully freeing herself from her trauma, being fully who she is supposed to be, a college girl with a boyfriend who does all sorts of normal couple things, sex included. I think that is the crucial thing: for her, sex itself is made normal because she is doing it with whom she chooses and when she chooses. It is not forced on her and so she does not have to feel forced. (Side note: I rewatched this bit out of order and I love that Ling is so attuned to her that when she closes her eyes he realizes she is beginning to freak out and tells her to open her eyes and look and see that it’s him or that he tells her he’s never seen anything more pure than she is when she starts freaking out she is dirty…But I think it’s the look on her face at the end that kills me the most: it’s this total surprise that wow…this can be good.)

The interesting thing is, the narrative is pushing sex with love is great but sex outside of that even if not forced can be OK or can be a sign of something else. Just look at Ling. He is all about meaningless fun sex before Qi Luo. He would never force a girl or even chase one that’s not interested and he is very into having the girls have a good time as well, but the whole point is, his whoring around is a symptom of some of his problems: he doesn’t want to make emotional connections. He doesn’t want to feel, to be vulnerable, to open himself up to loss again (I bet part of the reason he ran as fast as he could from Qing Mei is because she wanted to get serious). In his extravert, gregarious way, he has walls even thicker than Qi Luo. But that’s the whole role reversal in effect in their relationship: loving him makes her able to open up physically. Loving her makes him patient about this with her. And makes him incapable of being with others (physically, no less!!!) Because it’s all about being able to connect.

It's made repeatedly clear, as I mentioned, that outgoing daredevil Ling is much more messed up and fragile than Qi Luo. The results of her trauma are very very visible: withdrawal from the world, lack of interaction, almost pathological shyness. Ling, when we first meet him, appears to be a fun extravert, popular if a troublemaker. But as we get to know him, we see that his demons are so much much worse even than Qi Luo’s. One doesn’t get locked away in a mental institution for nothing. Ling is terrified. He isn’t terrified of physical things. But he is afraid of himself: he is afraid of losing his mind (with good cause), he is afraid of the kind of person he is. If Qi Luo has loathing for her sexuality (or her lack/presence thereof), Ling things of himself as completely unworthy as a human being. He thinks he is useless academically yes. And a failure as a son and brother, true. But what really is the crux of the problem is that he thinks of himself as a monster. This is something Tong Dao latches on and Tong Dao isn't wrong at least in the sense that there is an enormous potential for darkness in Ling. I love that the drama doesn’t gloss it over. He is the guy who almost shot someone when he was a kid, he used to get into these completely awful fights which made Domyoji’s seem like mild temper tantrums (and before his committal they were getting worse and worse) and he is the one who almost chokes Tong Dao and stubs a cigarette out on his hand.

But that is why he needs Qi Luo. Qi Luo has seen him at his worst or knows of his worst actions and still loves him, and still believes in his goodness. In fact, she never lets him put himself down even as an offhand joke. Qi Luo loves him for him, not for the image he might project or because he’s cute or whatever. Just as QL is sometimes puzzled as to why he’d want to be with her, you can tell that a part of Ling is permanently astonished that someone who is ‘good’ and knows him so well actually continues to love him.

If Ling is Qi Luo’s ticket to normalcy, to interaction, Qi Luo is likewise a ticket to sanity for Ling.

He is someone who grew up in a horrible unstable environment, with a crazy mother and a father who tried to be distant. His almost pathological dependence on his brother, as they were sent away from family while still kids, is understandable but considering what Sheng was like, only led further down to trouble. Sheng is what really screwed Ling up, I think. Not just the suicide (though that is horrific enough) but because Sheng used Ling as his ‘id’ to act out his revenge fantasies/bad side, an outlet to everything the model son could not do, but he also would prevent Ling from developing a separate healthy identity. Just look when Ling tried (in high school).

I think Qi Luo is the first person Ling has who both loves him and cares for him (in many ways, from the most physical: she takes care of him when he’s sick and I realize that no one probably has before, or she cooks from him and he says that he doesn’t remember his mom but she’s unlikely to have cooked. I love that she makes him a silly, pink, ‘hello kitty’ lunch box and he looks at it and grins and is totally happy and you can tell that’s when he really thinks he wants to marry her), but she is also the first person in his life who loves him without manipulation or hidden motive and expresses her love as support and wanting what makes him happy for him. He has worth in someone else’s eyes for the very first time as a person, not an expression of something, or a symbol or what not. And I think that allows him to discover stability in himself. (Stability and tenderness. So much tenderness. The scene that really stays with me on rewatches is a very little one. It’s where she is alone at home and he knows she is afraid (though he doesn’t know why) and he stays by her bed the whole night, keeping her company, only to leave quietly in the morning.)

I better stop, this went on tangents and got insanely long...

[syn4k]

Always Questioning Pixlriffs (idk if it's s1! or s2!) because everything about gender and sexuality is a question with multiple answers that change every second. And the answers to those questions also need to be questioned and tested out. Queer in the most crazy chaotic scientific way possible but also like. A little bit lazy? Cause there are also A Lot of other questions and pix needs to multitask

AHAHAHAHAHAHAH YES OKAY THIS IS MY FAVORITE ONE SO FAR

aroace "i ain't got time for that shit" pixlriffs in all senses of the word. as for gender, who knows? (i say he/they cis+. he has seen the truth of personal identity and politely ignored it)

[ms-hells-bells]

AHAHAHAHAHAHAH

i just heard through a connection that the fuckass unit that pushed me out of the job are being forced to move out of the town office and into literally another town, so they'll either have to relocate (most won't as that town office only has space for literally a couple people, and it would be a 40 minute drive each way when most staff share one car with a partner or spouse who they carpool together with) or a bunch of people will be receiving redundancy. get fucked, assholes.

i would have been fucked over too if i still worked there, as working in another town would not be feasible for me anyway. the redundancy payout and not having the legal grievance mess would have been nice, but at least i was prepped for what happened. they have like a couple weeks at most. i hope my coworkers are able to cope or quickly find new work, but i'm glad those at the head got so screwed over.

[sarasa-cat]

Re: the identity disaster-mess thanks to try-hard ally's engaging in the worse form of Elite Capture -- that situation with our local big medical system:

Well, guess what, now my partner's ethnic identity has now become "white" in their system and I am laughing so hard because, trust me, there is no way anyone would label partner as "white."

I mean, really. There is zero ambiguity regarding the "NOPE ahahahahahahah" for that, and that would hold anywhere in the world partner might go.

Also, how is "white" an ethnicity?

This list had ... fuck ... the scrolling select-only-one UI widget just went on and on and on. Mostly it listed COUNTRY NAMES rather than actual ethnicities. It was just awful. Bad. terrible.

.

Elite Capture "In this house we believe" Allies shit the bed yet again.

And god forbid us folk dare to correct them.

[kartaylirnaak]

WIP tag game

Rules: In a new post, list the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them and then post a little snippet of it or tell them something about it! And then tag as many people as you have WIPs.

Thanks for the tag, @lizardberries

Ahahahahahahah oh dear *looks at writing folder nervously*. My WIPS are an absolute mess, with everything from utterly random ideas to fics that I am currently actively working on. The names of the files doesn't really work either, unless you want to hear about the highly original file named 'Ideas' XD So instead I'll list all the WIPs I've got scattered about my writing folder and try to describe them as best as possible. A lot of these are NSFW so keep that in mind.

The Lingerie Approval Board (AO3)

Obi-Wan rides Cody’s thigh plate

Obi-Wan with his legs spread wide and restrained while Cody has his way with him

What a Waste of Resources — Cody finds jewelled butt plugs ridiculous

Obi-Wan in a cock and ball cage and Cody keeps his key

Gentle Dom Cody and sub Obi-Wan (I wrote ~4500 detailed notes of this and now my brain refuses to write the actual fic *sobs*)

Obi-Wan as a free use glory hole for the 212th

Clone OCs Tank and Foil

The Care and Feeding of your Marshal Commander

Gentle Dom Waxer and sub Boil with leather, bondage, and oral fixation

Waxer and vampire!Boil domming Wooley and ruining him between them

Waxer/trans!Boil, hurt/comfort and dealing with vaginismus

Waxer/Boil, some kind of combo hurt/comfort

Waxer/Boil, Boil in a glory hole, ass and legs out on one side, while he clutches on to Waxer on the other side and Waxer holds onto him and comforts him and they make out and Waxer watches him

Codex, hypothermia, whump, hurt/comfort, sheltering in a cabin

Codex, Cody domming the fuck out of Rex, hard bdsm, bondage, impact play

Cohawk (Cody/Wooley), Wooley domming Cody and putting him in a strappado

Foxma (Fox/Dogma), praise kink and recovery, Fox looking after Dogma after Umbara

Rip all the ideas from SubObi week that just never happened T_T

No-pressure tags: I never know who to tag in these things so if you see this post, consider yourself tagged!