#HES SO CONFUSED LMAO

[eowynarchives]

absolutely fucking crying over the hot ones challenge video that impulse, tango, and skizz did. specifically this scene:

skizz: *talking across the table to tango* the last time i drank milk was at your house the first time i met you

tango, absolutely baffled: … why did you drink milk at my house ??

[erxsxre-archived]

👁👄👁

"What the hell is this, Midoriya?"

[goldenguillotines]

yknow, a guy who barks 🐕

"WXXF. Uh.."

"WXXF. I guess?"

->He scratches the back of his neck..

[bloodiedone]

(To adam) *a large white portal opens up as a scientist walks through it laughing*

"HAHAHAHAHA I MADE IT! A FUNCTIONAL TRANS-DIMENSONAL PORTAL!...Where am I?"

*after 5 seconds without missing a beat he turns to Adam and just blinks.*

"...uh..hello father?"

Adam,The father of humanity, was laying underneath a tree, Enjoying the shade as He ate a Apple. “Bitter,” He comments, Spitting out some of the apple before sighing. He seemed rather calm when that portal opened. And a very strange person started Laughing.“Hello...There.” He said Calmly, He Didn't know what was going on but he was still going to be nice to them..

[lightning-etc-lord]

house keys. you were too slow and i took them. i should be allowed to have the keys to the prison though, you are right.

"Well dear, what is the point of taking my house keys? I can make a copy for you, anyways."

[jadewritesficshere]

Steve is nonchalantly browsing the chips, waiting for Eddie to return (who in all honesty is probably getting the bag of sour gummy worms Steve already said they couldn't grab).

Steve feels a tug on his shirt. He smiles as he turns, expecting to see his boyfriend but-

Steve looks down at the child staring up at him. "Uh hi?" Steve looks around the empty aisle," Where's your parents bud?" The kid shrugs, but points to Steve's shirt," Tiger."

Steve's faded shirt from his freshman year of high school, now the most soft and comfortable after years of wear, does in fact have a tiger. "Yeah, sure is. Who-" the kid cuts Steve off with a loud roar. Steve can't help but chuckle as he crouches down to be on the kid's level.

Steve is fully focused on this kid, trying to find whoever the kid should be with. When he stands back up, he holds his hand out to the kid, who tentatively grasps his hand. The kid continues to roar and talk about tigers.

Meanwhile, Eddie has watched most of this exchange. Seeing his beloved boyfriend talk to this random child, the concern on his face? Eddie watches from a distance as Steve finds the mother, who was freaking out (understandably).

Eddie can't help but watch as Steve says hi to the baby in the stroller, laughing as the baby reaches out and grabs his finger. Steve says goodbye to the family, roaring back at the kid, who lights up.

Eddie can't help but think how good Steve is with kids. How good of a parent Steve would be. Which, started innocent, but then Eddie's mind jumped to the process of how a child comes about.

And now all Eddie can think about is how he's gonna give Steve one. He doesn't give 2 shits about biology, Eddie's putting a baby in that man.

[luminarai]

Most people will tell you that giving your pets any kind of medication in pill form is an absolute nightmare, meanwhile I have the exact opposite problem.

A friend of mine was watching my cat Mim while I was travelling this weekend and when he went to split her weekly allergy pill (made to split into 4 small pills when you press down on it with a finger) to give her the usual 1/4, he fumbled it and sent it skittering across the floor where my ridiculous pill-loving menace of cat immediately gobbled down the whole thing, leading to me receiving a panicked phone call at 11 pm from said friend who was understandably freaking out (everyone’s fine, a single high dose won’t cause any problems as long as it’s just this once).

Behold: the villain herself, basking in the success of her crime (she’d be planning her next pill-related heist but, as you can see if you look closely, there’s there’s nothing but elevator music behind those eyes)

[nitw]

i'm so used to popularized fanon jon sims designs that when i see someone draw him like a generic white guy i have to do a double take. who is this. where is my beautiful archivist

[nanakorobiyaokii]

ᴡʙᴋ 152 | ꜱᴀᴋᴜʀᴀ ʜᴀʀᴜᴋᴀ

[yhwcomeback]

I miss him, this one comes with a small speedpaint so enjoy idk

[buckera]

can't stop thinking about how that whole situation must've been bonkers from Tommy's pov

like, there is this dude so imprinted on you that he hangs out with you 3 days a week, while you both have differing schedules and do 24-hour shifts — oh and supposedly he also has a girlfriend.

and then his boy best friend asks you for a tour at your station and flirts with you, and then he shows up anywhere where he can get you and ends up bodyclocking his bestie like a preteen boy, which you'd think was to punish him, but you later find out that it was a subconscious attempt to get him out of the competition.

that's not mentioning the fact that the guy imprinted on you also introduced you to his son, who is incredibly fond of the other guy and won't shut up about him.

and then you worry that you came between these two friends, so you go see the one who is clearly more upset, to reassure him that's not what's happening, only to find out that he was actually crushing on you this whole time and he is also just realising this as he's telling it to you.

can you imagine the spin all that gave to Tommy's head??

[strawberri-draws]

"Innocence died screaming, Honey ask me, I should know. I slithered here from Eden; Just to sit outside your door"

-From Eden, Hozier

aka: au where they grow old in the dungeon together in their monster forms.

[erxsxre-archived]

I sold you to a pet store!

"Uhhhh..????"

[izzystizzys]

Echo’s world has gone decidedly… wobbly. Blurry. Fuzzy at the edges, and what-will-you-else. He can’t feel his fingertips, is his first thought. Kriffing overdid it on the glowing green shots, is his second.

“Holy kriff, Echo, that manhole-cover underneath you is moving!”, Fives exclaims, third. Or more like slurs into Lt. Jesse’s shoulder, who is himself moaning indistinctly into the Captain’s pauldron, who is in turn swaying back and forth gesturing at Commander Cody.

And it really is - the manhole cover, that is, once Echo stumbles off it with a shriek. Jumping up into the now open air with sudden force, steadying and then scraping across paveme-

“Are those kriffing hands?!”

In an instant, seven highly drunk pairs of fists and one blaster, courtesy of Commander Cody (the only one present who’s sober enough to be legally handling it) are aimed in a circle around the cover slowly being shuffled to the side, then the hands reaching up to palm at the edges of the hole -

- and are slowly being lowered again when two white-red painted helmets are heaved into view, along with chest-deep groaning and grunting. Two armored Corries collapse in a heap at Commander Cody’s feet, who stares down at them in open-mouthed shock.

Slowly, Echo blinks. Slowly, he raises a hand to snap his fingers in front of his face. No, still there. Slowly, Fives grabs for a piece of flank underneath his blacks and twists. Echo yelps, and slaps his hand away hard enough to hurt himself. “OI!”

“B’have, boys”, Captain Rex makes a brave attempt to slur out as he sways on his feet, still staring down at the trembling heap of armor at their feet. Whoa, Echo didn’t know they had those kinds of funky armor designs in the Guard. Very avant-garde.

“That’s blood, Ey’ika”, says Appo.

Oh.

Slowly, Hardcase raises his right foot, inching towards-

“Don’t even think about it”, Commander Cody snaps, and Hardcase’s foot whips back to the ground next to its companion. Fives chortles. “Yeah, genius, those are Commander kamas - they’d put you down in a second flat!”

“Why would two Corrie Commanders go crawling out of holes in front of 79’s, huh, genius?!”, Hardcase retorts, somewhat justly, Echo feels. Next to him, Commander Cody frowns, and kneels carefully. “Good question, trooper. Fox, can you hear me? Fox’i-“

Which is when one of the bodies - Commander Fox, Echo realizes with a shudder, The Marshall Commander Fox - convulses on the ground, and an arm rears up to nail Cody face-first with the back of a hand, sending him sprawling back into the pavement with an undignified squawk.

“Thorn”, the sad figure that is the highest decorated clone in existence groans, still faceplanted into pavement, “Thorn, I’m hallucinating Cody. Thorn, tell him to shut up.”

“Shuddup”, Commander Thorn heaves, loyally. Cody makes an affronted noise, braced back on his shebs. “Sdubid Codeh.”

Commander Fox’s visor scrapes against the ground with his nod, a sound that sends the surrounding vod’e cringing. “Yeah, you go, Thorn. You’re my favorite.” A considering pause. “Oh, kark. I need to call in medevac - Fox to Stabby, Fox to Stabby - the kriffing Narglatches are back on the lower levels.”

The Commander’s comm crackles to life, as he heaves himself over with a punched-out moan - oh, yup, that dark patch’s definitely not paint, and are those teeth marks?! On plastoid??

“I’m going to wring Senator Hliii’s neck, and then I’m going to twist him into a human kriffing meat-lasso to catch every last one of his little pets with”, sounds through Fox’s comm, who just hacks out a laughcough in response. “Pinging your location now. Where’s Thorn?”

“Pr’snt”, slurs Thorn.

“Concussed”, adds Fox, “We crawled out forty levels to behind 79’s, so no one would see us.”

Awkward silence follows.

“Uh, about that”, begins Rex, only to be interrupted by a deep groan from Fox.

“Oh, you’ve got to be kriffing kidding me! As if Cody’s ugly mug wasn’t - WHAT THE KRIFF ARE YOUR KRIFFING ARC KARKHEADS DOING IN MY HALLUCINATION, REX?!”

“Shuddup, Rex”, Thorn moans bravely.

[blu-ish]

HE FINALLY GOT HIS BABY BROTHER BACK DONT LOOK AT ME--

[spacepunksupreme]

this is what this movie was about to me