#Hadvar/LDB

[mareenavee]

If Anyone Can Do This, It’s You

For the prompt: Riverwood Thank you to @kookaburra1701 for your amazing Calder in your fic universe!!! I NEEDED to write a pining Good Bean Nord after all you've shared! Hadvar was the perfect candidate. Thank you to @changelingsandothernonsense also for ALL the word sprints and for helping me keep my spirits up in the middle of a hurricane of chaos. This is for you guys <3

This is an AU where we answer the question: What if Nyenna and Hadvar traveled together to Whiterun, and then went on to Solitude to join the War effort?

Main Fic Universe is Dragonborn & Far-Star Marked and its prequel series is The Heart of the World. Caught up on The World on Our Shoulders and want to read more AU situations? Check out the series If Only Time Changed Its Mind or Take My Hand, Erase the Past Forever.

Without further ado:

If Anyone Can Do This, It’s You

Riverwood was peaceful, despite the raging chaos of Helgen burning in the distance, and the giant black dragon that had flown off over the mountains only hours ago. It was ridiculous, come to think of it, that things could still be so idyllic. That the river still flowed with water and not blood and fire seemed like some kind of illusion. Or miracle.

Hadvar held Nyenna’s hands in his own. He’d closed her fingers around a pouch of gold that his aunt and uncle had given him for her. She was meant to go to Whiterun, to tell the Jarl about the dragon—but he was having misgivings about sending her off alone. There was something different about her that he couldn’t quite place. The way she’d fought that bear in the cave, it was as if she’d become someone else entirely. It was like all fear melted from her as she aimed that borrowed bow. He knew Bosmeri folk were generally trained to be archers, but she’d said otherwise. That she’d been sheltered and could still do that was incredible.

“Nyenna,” Hadvar started, unsure exactly what he wanted to say. What would all this accomplish, asking her to stay with him? Would she take it the wrong way? They’d just survived a brush with death, after all. But it wasn’t exactly like that…was it? He cleared his throat. “What if we go to Solitude instead?”

She looked up at him, orange eyes almost startled. “Didn’t you say I should go to Whiterun?”

“Ah yes, but…you could join the Legion. Maybe do some real good once you’ve gotten in some training, what with the War going on.” It wasn’t exactly what he meant to say. It was more that he didn’t want her to go. She had a strange pull to her. He hated reading, normally, but being around her reminded him of the kind of book that draws you right into the story so much so that you forget reality for a moment.

“I am no soldier,” she said, pushing a stray silver curl back behind her ear. “That, and who is going to get word to Jarl Balgruuf if not me?”

“We can go together, then take a carriage to Solitude. Hopefully General Tullius made it out of Helgen just fine. If not, there’s contingencies, and I’ll need to be debriefed before I get sent on my next mission. And you can enlist, then begin your training.” Hadvar let go of her hands and folded his arms over his chest. The coins in the pouch he’d given her clinked together, the only noise in the silence as she thought about her answer.

“Do you really think I can make a difference like that? That I am…good enough to be a soldier?” Nyenna asked. Her voice was so soft. She still looked baffled.

“Of course you are!” Hadvar said, perhaps too quickly. He felt his face flush and closed his eyes for the barest second. He heard Nyenna chuckle which only made him even more embarrassed. He let out a sigh. “I mean, yes. You’ve already got skill. All you need is training.”

Nyenna nodded and tucked the bag of coins in her bag. “Alright. The worst that can happen is they turn me away, right?”  -> Read the rest on AO3.

[h3raklion]

Ft. Cave

[nighting-crow]

Chapters: 2/? Fandom: Elder Scrolls, Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Female Vestige/Knight of the Void Characters: Female Dovahkiin | Dragonborn (Elder Scrolls), Female Vestige (Elder Scrolls), Original Female Nord Character(s) (Elder Scrolls), Taliesin (Elder Scrolls), Khash the Argonian (Elder Scrolls), Hadvar (Elder Scrolls), Ralof (Elder Scrolls), Lucifer the Argonian (Elder Scrolls), Disnel the Changeling (Elder Scrolls) Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Canonical Character Death, Tags Are Hard, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, no beta we die like my will to live Series: Part 3 of Tales of Tamrielic Lore Summary:

Ta-daa! Its my self indulgent Skyrim Fic that Ive been thinking about for a long while.

Updates will be slow (or fast) depending on what I want to consider a chapter.

A bunch of mods are included in this, such as Legacy and Sirenroot.

And of course. The Modded Followers we love so much.

[matri4rch]

Journey to Riverwood pt1

♥️AO3 LINK♥️

"I agree with him." Hadvar spoke, his eyes wide and still focused on the mountains. "We should find somewhere to rest. Away from that- whatever that was."

"Your suggestion is wise, soldier," the general replied, his gaze fixed on the mountains where the dragon had flown towards, his eyes betraying the calm of his voice. "We should set up camp for the night."

[miraakulous-cloud-district]

WYGTYA lines

@sheirukitriesfandom tagged me in this most wonderful tag game and I am so happy! Thank you for the tag :D Since WYGTYA is my longest work, I'm going to include lines from this fic of mine that I love so very much <3

A line from your fic that makes you laugh (not really a line, but it made me laugh while I wrote chapter 13)

“What on Nirn is a rock’s weakness?” He asks, casting a calm spell to no avail.

“Scissors?” Ravonna responds, chuckling.

“You think this is a good time for jokes? Master Neloth is going to kill me if he finds out!” 

“Scissors, that’s it! Big sword!” she says, the lightbulb of an idea almost visible above her head, making Talvas even more confused. 

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Wait here, I know just the thing!” She immediately levitates rapidly to the main tower, doing a backflip before entering.

"But paper beats rock!" Talvas shouts, but to no avail, Ravonna is already in the tower.

A line from your fic that makes you sad (of course it's a Miraak line, from chapter 6)

“I – yes. I just – ” but he has to turn around before the tears start falling down his cheeks. ‘Be a man’s man and don’t cry. Crying is for weaklings, you soft-hearted little boy! Why can’t you be like your brother? You’re a failure!’ his father’s words ring into his ears and he shivers, wanting nothing more than the earth to swallow him. And so he climbs the stairs as fast as he can and heads straight to his chamber. There, he can finally cry for hours.

A line from your fic you're proud of (not yet part of wygtya, but it will be, this is my Ralof/Hadvar ficlet, and I'm so proud of that watetfall metaphor)

“We were drunk and happy and we thought we had our whole life ahead of us.” Ralof begins, trying to be brave himself and just let his thoughts flow into words like a river turning into a waterfall

A line for your fic you think could have been better (There are a lot of things that could have been written better, but I refuse to beat myself too much over it and embrace the fact that I am evolving and I don't want to over analyse my old writing, so this is from chapter 1, I hate this because Hjaldir's story changed a bit over time! When I wrote this, it was all unclear, and so many things have changed since then, I'm hoping my version of him now isn't too far from this brief first description of him)

“Well, Inigo, it’s actually quite a funny story. Hjaldir turned out to be a runaway pirate. He ran away from his crew because he got tired of getting seasick and stealing from innocent people. So, one night, he just ran away. Decided to become a bard and make honest coin. Ended up at my dad’s tavern.”

A line from your fic that makes you want to punch a character (from chapter 12, DAMN IT, LUCIEN, THEY WERE HAVING A MOMENT)

“Am I… interrupting something?” Lucien asks. Right, Lucien. Fenrik’s almost forgotten about him. How could he not, when all he did was sleep his hangover off?

“No!” both Dragonborn respond at the same time, letting go of each others’ hands.

A line from your fic that makes you go 'aww' (from chapter 13, Ravonna trying her best to comfort Miraak is so precious to me, she is trying her best! And this is a big moment for her, to try to be so comforting to one person who once tried to kill her. It's a lot of progress and I feel like she can see their situation from a mature point of view and she can let go of the vengeance.)

“There we go.” she says as she gets a good look of Fenrik’s teary brown eyes. “Now listen to me: no one is upset with you. I’m starting to think that it’s impossible to be. You didn’t ruin anything, okay? The self-sacrificing healer in you got out. And that’s commendable. Now, please don’t cry because I have no idea what to do with someone who is crying.” She says, making him laugh the tears away. “You’re doing great. I mean, if you need to cry, just let it out, I’ll figure something out. Maybe sparkles? Everyone loves sparkles, right?” She makes small sparkles dance around her other hand

A line from your fic that's full of symbolism (from chapter 12, not sure if this classifies as symbolism, but the snake thing is something that I am so proud of)

"I still felt my soul in there, wrapped tightly in the threatening embrace of all those dragons’ souls. I felt it trying to fight it, to escape, like a small animal trying to escape the python snake’s fatal grip."

A line from your fic that contains an Easter egg (WWDITS reference with a medieval and lore-friendly name replacement! From chapter 3)

"His name was Mikael, if I recall correctly.”

“Fucking Mikael!” Ravonna says, full of spite.

A line from your fic that's shocking (from chapter 13, MIRAAK SAID HIS FIRST ON-SCREEN BAD WORD!! Everyone was shocked hahaha)

“Holy shit!” Fenrik says as they get closer to the Silt Strider, making Ravonna’s job to cheer up much easier. She turns to him with wide eyes, and then looks at the rest of the amused fellowship. Even Teldryn was struggling not to smile. 

A line from your fic you want to talk about more (from chapter 2, IT'S RUMCURIO, CAN WE PLEASE TALK ABOUT RUMCURIO I'M IN RAREPAIR HELL, MY FIC IS LITERALLY THE ONLY ONE WITH THE RUMARIN/MARCURIO TAG I'M GOING INSANE)

“Just come back alive, or I will kill you.” Marcurio says, his forehead resting against Rumarin’s, still pulling him down. It’s not the most comfortable position for Rumarin, but he won’t have it any other way. It makes him think, really. About all the ways he is going to kiss him as soon as he returns from Solstheim. 

Tagging my beloved fellow writer mutuals, only if you want to participate, of course! @bougainvillea-and-saltwater @kiir-do-faal-rahhe @thelavenderelf @mareenavee @dirty-bosmer @blossom-adventures @nerevar-quote-and-star and I'm also tagging @sheirukitriesfandom back to do this challenge!

[motherofcats666]

Here it is! The result of months of effort, research and tutorials, play testing, bugs and game-breaking bullshit. It still has bugs and I don't know how to fix it but for now it's good enough. Maybe some day I'll get SSEedit and go back in and fix it. I can always add more lines as I think of them too.

[i-am-but-a-beta-fish]

don't look at me

@the-elder-polls — hello! it is tcs friday, so i wanted to share this piece i made of my ldb road, who enjoys magic, extreme mountain climbing, and never talking about herself, ever. don't worry about it. she's definitely not lying about her name or her age or any significant personal information like that. the mask is just a fashion statement. don't—don't worry about it. 

(she's sixteen. she only started going by road because she thought she got carted to helgen for being an enemy of the thalmor, so when hadvar revealed no one had any idea who she was she was so startled she just blurted out the name of the first thing she saw. which was the road. somehow no one has caught on to the fact that this is a really weird and suspicious name for an altmer to have, even if their parents didn't like them very much. she's come to genuinely prefer it over her original given name, but she's been living in horrible teenage anxiety about it for so long that it hasn't once occurred to her that maybe introducing herself like that at this point is not, in fact, lying, and therefore road does not, in fact, have to feel incredibly guilty about it.

she still does, because she's a emotional disaster masquerading as a functional and mentally stable adult, but she'll get there.

…eventually.)

[linda-likes-to-draw]

Tag Game!

Thanks for the tag @babyblueetbaemonster! I would also like to get to know you better :]

I tag: @b-lizi, @tallysingatsby, @ego-osbourne, @thetempleofmara, @nanaendergirlita! do it if you'd like to ofc :P

3 Ships: Hm. Honestly haven't touched TES for a while so I guesssss Marcien as well hehe OH and Ralof x Hadvar HEHEHE. also Tullius x Ulfric completely as a crack ship lol

First Ship: LDB x Mirrak. It's literally how I got into Skyrim in the first place haha

Last Song: The Perfect Song - Enter The Haggis

Last film: There's Always Tomorrow (2023) - Paola Cortellesi

Currently reading: Various Dragon Age fics :)

Currently craving: s l e e p

okay uhhh i've not updated this blog a lot lol (fallen into the pit of Dragon Age franchise) so i was pleasantly surprised to be tagged!

and so i made this for you! (@/babyblueetbaemonster) :D Your chibi and still detailed artstyle mixed with memes always make me laugh haha

[throughtrialbyfire]

fake fic title: Familiar Scars & Electric Hearts

OOOO i had to think this one over for a minute but i have an idea

maybe, for this title, the fic could be about a destruction mage LDB and hadvar traveling through stormcloak territory together at some point during the civil war questline. perhaps its a two-portion fic where some chapters focus on hadvars prior relationship with ralof, pre-war, then flash forward to the present while he forms a deep connection with the LDB, very similar to the kind he had with ralof, and while it scares him, he tries to open up and be vulnerable as the chaos around the pair intensifies.

also needless to say but its gay. yaaaaaay <333333333

fake fic title ask game

[kookaburra1701]

for the Asks to Spread the Love: 1, 2, 15, and 16! ~throughtrialbyfire

A fanon characterization that you love Hadvar and Ralof being BFFs* in Riverwood before the Civil War

Tell us why you love one of your OCs or an obscure canon character (link to any fics/art you have featuring them!) HOW FORTUITOUS that I just posted my first TES fic over the weekend! Aristeia features Borgakh of Mor Khazgur, who only has 25 fics on AO3. I didn't think she was obscure but I guess so??? I fell in love with Borgakh the first time I played Skyrim. I myself grew up in a very conservative and restrictive environment, but I do love and am still very close to my family, despite their flaws and the rigid way they laid out my life for me. So a young orc woman torn between wanting to honor the people she loves who brought her up the best way they knew how and also wanting a different life for herself REALLY struck home.

15. A topic you never get tired of discussing The actual logistics the LDB's adventuring party would have to take into account every step of the MQ for every dungeon, river crossing, mountain, etc etc. WHO IS HOLDING THE HORSES OUTSIDE, HUH??? 16. One of your favourite tropes SEX POLLEN MY BELOVED

*Best Friends Fucking

[just-mebs]

Hear me out, okay, but Hadvar x LDB Soulmate AU

Like, meeting your soulmate for the first time on the way to your execution. You know it's him. He knows it's you. Yet he doesn't say anything. He doesn't press the captain when she insists you die too. He just says sorry. Moves you along. He puts his duty over his love, the only love he'll ever have, and you almost feel like this death might be merciful after all.

When the dragon attacks you decide to follow Ralof. It hurts. You can see it hurts Hadvar too. But with your life already spinning out of control as it is you can't take the risk that he'd choose his duty again. So you run into the keep with Ralof and pray to whoever is listening - Shor, Mara, Dibella, anyone - that one day you just might be able to see him again.

[argisthebulwark]

i've used mods to skip the intro for so many years now i kinda forgot that ulfric is in helgen with you.

[h3raklion]

~low quality Skyrim memes~ 15th edition

[seranavolkihars]

Hm... Are you immune to bribes to post the punk rock Serana college au fic? Bc i saw the art (incredible btw, i love it sm) and i don't think I'll be able to stop wondering about it

thank you! (*´∀`) I am not very confident in my english so I am not confident post it but the summary:

- serana in a rock band

- ldb meet serana whilst dating serana's bandmate (ex-bf now)

- they have a whore moment (holding hands)

[cryptid-called-ash]

the dragonborn’s favour: part two, The Dragon wakes

The air was cold. It was always cold this time of year. Grey clouds filled the skies, casting a blue haze on the world. the trees swayed with every bluster of wind, each gust whistling in the leaves. The horse’s hooves thundered on a dirt road. 

The cart hit a rut, jarring those bound inside. Serpentine eyes snapped open and Breyth Martin Alarenzin Septim jolted up, startling those other men in the wagon. 

The last dragonborn met the eyes of every man with feral eyes. The crystal blue of Ralof, the fearful hazel of Lokir, the muddy brown of Ulfric. 

A small amount of tension drained from Breyth’s shoulders and he leaned back against the sturdy wall of the wagon. He waited for those five words, the ones that would confirm his hopes.

“Hey you,” right on schedule. Breyth’s eyes flicked up to Ralof’s face. The blonde nord was still wearing his stormcloak curtiss, showing off his muscular arms. He looked worried, perhaps unnerved by Breyth’s obvious elation. “You’re finally awake.” a smile pulled at the little dovahkiin’s lips. He nodded, trying to hold down the giddy excitement he felt. 

“Yeah, I'm awake.” he said, more to himself than Ralof. He could hardly suppress a giggle. Perhaps Akatosh hadn’t abandoned him after all. Breyth tipped his head back, watching the clouds as he listened to the familiar exchange.

“You were trying to cross the border, same as us and that thief over there.” Ralof nodded to Lokir, a spindly nord man with greasy mouse brown hair. Said thief snapped his attention to Ralof, sitting bolt up.

“Damn you stormcloaks!” he spit at the nord, settling back down against the cart. “Skyrim was fine until you came along, Empire was nice and lazy.” Lokir's eyes betrayed his fear, like a trapped prey animal.

‘Funny, I didn't notice such things the first time.’ the dragonborn mused silently. He supposed it was due to the fact he was aware of his nature. He understood what Paarthuranx had meant now. Whether he liked it or not, he was a dovah and that was his nature. Lokir continued, shifting uncomfortably under Breyth’s predatory gaze. 

“If they hadn’t been looking for you, I could have stolen that horse and been half-way to Hammerfell by now.” the horse thief glared at Ralof as his eyes began fogging with tears. 

“We’re all brothers and sisters in binds now, thief.” the nord retorts curtly. Breyth snorts, catching the attention of all the men though they say nothing to him. 

‘Oh Akatosh, if they only knew.’ he smirked to himself.  He just waits for the next words.

“SHUT UP BACK THERE!” the imperial soldier barks from the front where he drove the horse to Helgen. 

‘All in good time my friend’ the last dragonborn thought with a wicked smirk. He cast a glance at Ulfric, who was watching him intently. It took all Breyth’s willpower not to tell the kingslayer to shove it, but that could wait until Akmirra was back at his side. 

“What’s wrong with him?” Lokir asked, taking notice of the deep glares exchanged by the two voice-masters. Ralof straightened immediately.

“Watch your tongue!” he hissed. “You’re speaking to Ulfric Stormcloak, the true High King!” Breyth couldn’t help but roll his eyes. Ulfric Stormcloak was no more fit to be the High King than Delphine was to lead the blades. At the thought of that she-daedra, Breyth absently raised his bound hands to his throat.

The suffocating feeling was gone, but a dull pain still lingered. He just hoped his shouts were unaffected. He shuddered and turned his attention back to the conversation at hand. The terror on Lokir’s pale face was evident. 

“Ulfric? The Jarl of Windhelm? You’re the leader of the rebellion!” he shrieks. “But if they’ve captured you…” the horse thief trails off, finally realizing the gravity of the situation. “Oh gods, where are they taking us?” Ralof sat back, all fight drained out of his body.

“I don’t know,” he spoke quietly, turning his gaze to his Jarl. “but Sovngarde awaits.” Breyth let off an involuntary shiver at the mention of the realm. It was not a place he ever wanted to see again.

He let his attention wander away from the men and to the skies. That’s when he saw it. excitement flared in his chest again and this time he didn’t shy away from letting out a small laugh.

The ebony form of the World-Eater soared far overhead, as graceful as only a dovah could be. 

Perhaps Alduin was above the carriages the last time as well, Breyth simply hadn’t looked up before.  Not that it really mattered, that was the past. Though he had to confess, the thought that Alduin was nearby Helgen was a reassuring one. 

Briefly, Breyth wondered if the dragon remembered the way he had. He hoped so. Allying with such a powerful dovah would no doubt prove useful. 

As the teal eyed dragonborn watched the mighty World-Eater glide out of view, Lokir’s voice pulled the last Septim back to the men in the cart. 

“Shor, Mara, Dibella, Kynareth, Akatosh. Divines, please help me.” the horse thief sobbed. A twinge of pity stung the dovahkiin’s heart, knowing the gods wouldn’t be answering the man from Rokistead. 

They were just entering Helgen. Breyth took a moment to soak in the little hamlet, before it would be turned to cinders by the World-Eater’s wrath. It was a quaint settlement with very modest buildings, not unlike the rest of Skyrim’s towns and villages. 

One thing that stuck out to him was that Helgen felt dead. Like the village itself knew of its fate and was resigned to it. People were bustling about, a child asked to watch the soldiers, the sound of animals spills through the air. Yet for all the activity, Helgen lacked life. 

Lokir sobbed. The last of the dragon god’s children couldn’t stop the bitterness welling up in his chest, though he said nothing. The gods would not be giving anyone aid, not Lokir, not little Helgi, not Brojnolf, not this entire gods forsaken town.

‘Father may have thrown me back here,’ Breyth dug the heel of his boot into the old wood of the cart’s floor. ‘But I’m on my own now.’ 

Ralof was recounting a tale of juniper berries and youthful lust when the cart came to a stop. Only then did Bryeth realize, he still wore the studded armour he’d donned in Sovngarde. Perhaps more had changed than he first noticed. 

They were ushered off the carts, one by one called to the block. Lokir tried running, as he had before, he was cut down by archers the very same way. The stormcloak with blood red hair lost his head, angered by the priestess calling to only 8 of the divines. 

The familiar bellow echoed through the morning sky. The captain barked her orders, though Breyth wasn’t listening. Just following the familiar motions, kneeling before the headsman. 

He took a deep breath, words forming in his mind. The axe was raised, screams erupted through the small hamlet. The world-eater landed gracefully on the watchtower and all hell broke loose.

“VEN GAAR NOS” the words slipped free from his lips, drowned out by the dovah’s powerful roar. The headsman was thrown into the air, right into Alduin’s waiting jaws. The dragonborn smirked before falling back into the ‘helpless prisoner’ role, if only for Ralof’s sake.

 He flipped Ulfric off before jumping to the inn. Ran with Hadvar, just as he had before. It wasn’t until he stood between the two men, taking the familiar step towards Hadvar, that something different happened.

“DOVAHKIIN.” the booming voice of the world-eater filled Breyth’s ears, making them perk up. He raised his teal gaze, moving to turn. “BO NU.” 

“I wait outside Riverwood.” the dragonborn whispered, knowing only his fellow dovah would hear. 

“FUL FEN ZU’U, KIIR.”

The elf smiled, running to join the legionnaire at the keep’s door. Things were about to change for Skyrim, of that Breyth was absolutely sure.

ven gaar nos - cyclone shout

bo nu - go(fly) now

ful fen zu’u, kiir - so will i, child

[miraakulous-cloud-district]

TESFEST DAY 3: STARLIT

So very excited to participate in @tes-summer-fest again this year <3! To me, the "Starlit" prompt just screamed Ralof/Hadvar and I wrote this little something at 3 am, it will be a part of my main fic WYGTYA at some point. If you like my writing, you can check it out! It's a Miraak x ldb fic.

Word count: 2,829, you can also find this fic on AO3 right here!

Characters: Hadvar, Ralof, my ldb Ravonna, Miraak (his real name is Fenrik in WYGTYA)

Warnings: inappropriate language, implied smut, mentions of alcohol

Rating: Teen and up

Summary: Both Ralof and Hadvar find themselves in Riverwood at the same time since Helgen. They fight, they seek solace in a very special place and all the memories start flooding. They used to stargaze here, and Hadvar can only think of how much better those stars look in the reflection of Ralof's eyes. What on Nirn are they doing and when the hell are they going to kiss? Also, there is a Hozier reference in there somewhere :D

Sneak peek: "Hadvar sighs in response, looking at the starlit sky and trying his best to focus on finding the constellations. He used to do this when he was younger. He was so good at finding the constellations and Ralof was so good at inventing new ones. ‘Look at that one over there. Looks like a skeever. I believe it’s my birthsign. It calls to me.’ He would say, making Hadvar holler and snigger so loud that would wake the dogs up and make them start barking for minutes on end. He remembers how one night when they were teenagers, they were stargazing and Ralof suggested one constellation looks like a heart. They were lying on their backs and their shoulders were touching. Ralof was showing him the star alignment, but when he lowered his arm back on the floor, his fingers brushed against his and suddenly, every constellation was heart-shaped. Of course his thoughts run back to Ralof. They always do. It’s always him."

The trees were slowly swaying in the wind. The lanterns around Riverwood and the moons were illuminating enough for Hadvar to enjoy the view. This little watchtower still has no guard, even with the Dragons about. Still, the guards seem to be patrolling the village enough to make the people living in it less dreadful. He sighs, leaning his head on the railing, looking at the stars as a plea, and asking for guidance and forgiveness all at the same time. He didn’t think coming back to Riverwood would hurt this much, and he did not expect to find him here, screaming and almost launching towards him to fight. Gods… what has the war done to them? He feels absolutely terrible. In his mind, Ralof has every right to be angry, and to be honest, he kind of hoped that Ravonna did not intervene between them. He deserves every single bit of his wrath. He almost sent him to his execution. Him. Ralof. His dearest friend and the one that he’s been aching for ever since… he doesn’t even remember, since forever, perhaps. He doesn’t even hear someone climbing up the ladder to join him, he is drowning in guilt.

“Thought I’d find you here.” Ralof’s voice snaps him out of his trance.

“How so?” 

“If I wanted to brood after our fight, this is the place I’d come to as well. The irony is too strong here. You can almost taste it.” Ralof tries to lighten the mood with his tone. He always hated situations that were too serious. Hadvar smiles, remembering that time when they tried to sneak into Bleak Falls Barrow after hearing rumors of a treasure. They were children. Ralof was terrified. His eyebrows were furrowed and his voice was trembling, but he still found the strength to make jokes to make Hadvar feel better. Life in the legion has been hard without him by his side.

“I can leave.” Hadvar huffs. It came off a lot colder than he intended. He shifts to get up, but a firm hand on his shoulder stops him. 

“Wait. Just… wait a damn minute for once in your life and don’t run.” Ralof sounds tired of fighting. 

Hadvar swallows hard. He remembers how he ran away with no warning after Ralof told him that he will join the Stormcloaks. He ran because he was afraid of the heartbreak of seeing Ralof leave. 

“I’m sorry for losing my temper, Hadvar. I don’t want to… I can’t… Ugh!” he runs a frustrated hand through his hair, finding it hard to voice his troubles. He huffs a laugh.

“What?” Hadvar raises a sad eyebrow at him.

“It’s just that… you were always the better one at talking feelings. Should’ve taken a leaf out of your book.”

“You were always braver and better at facing everything. I suppose I should have taken a leaf out of your book, too.” 

“Why didn’t we?” Ralof turns his head to face Hadvar again, making him look at his fidgety hands and further proving his point that the blond is braver. 

Hadvar doesn’t respond right away. He seems deep in his thoughts. Why didn’t they ever learn from each other? To him, it was always with Ralof that he could be himself. Ralof was such a constant in his life, he was there for as long as he remembers, and whenever they were together, it felt like stepping into a fairytale: the colors were brighter, the sun was warmer, the flowers smelled nicer, and the dangers of Skyrim felt more like adventures than perils. No one made him laugh like Ralof. He was just a sad, lost boy who was recently orphaned and had to come here and live with his uncle, and Ralof somehow understood that, and befriended him right away, and he guarded that wounded heart as best he could, always trying to get a smile out of Hadvar. 

After what felt like an eternity of a mix of comfortable silence and excruciating anticipation, Hadvar finds his voice. 

“I suppose we thought we had more time. Ralof, I -” he finally gathers the courage to look at him, “I never thought we would end up like this.  I never even imagined a life without -”

“- Hey. Don’t talk like there is no hope left. Maybe we can…”

“Can we? Can we ever be the same as before if we have opposite views? For Gods’ sake, Ralof, we’re on opposing sides of the war." His voice is weak and sad, and every word feels like a punch to the chest to Ralof, but he fights on, against his own stubbornness and ego. He remembers what Ravonna said. She shook his shoulders and looked straight into his soul, almost shouting ‘You love this man! That much is evident, and I think everyone knows except for him. You have to tell him, you have to let him know because as much as I hate how this sounds, you may never see him again in these troubling times. He’s about to go with us to the border with Cyrodiil. Folks say they keep hearing dragon wings flapping above. But he’s here tonight, and so are you. What were the chances? Maybe fate itself willed it. Ralof, for fuck’s sake do not let this opportunity pass. It took near death experience after near death experience for me to realize that I needed to not take things for granted and tell Fenrik just how much he means to me. And if something were to happen and he never found out, I would have never forgiven myself.’

“Are the opposing sides that different? Hadvar, my time in Windhelm, with Ulfric and Ravonna… it made me think from a different perspective. Everything is insignificant in the grand scheme of things right now. So let’s just… be insignificant together.”

“What happens after, then? After the grand scheme of things gets solved?”

“What if it never gets solved, Hadvar? What if we perish?”

Hadvar sighs in response, looking at the starlit sky and trying his best to focus on finding the constellations. He used to do this when he was younger. He was so good at finding the constellations and Ralof was so good at inventing new ones. ‘Look at that one over there. Looks like a skeever. I believe it’s my birthsign. It calls to me.’ He would say, making Hadvar holler and snigger so loud that would wake the dogs up and make them start barking for minutes on end. He remembers how one night when they were teenagers, they were stargazing and Ralof suggested one constellation looks like a heart. They were lying on their backs and their shoulders were touching. Ralof was showing him the star alignment, but when he lowered his arm back on the floor, his fingers brushed against his and suddenly, every constellation was heart-shaped. Of course his thoughts run back to Ralof. They always do. It’s always him. 

“Do you remember that one time we were here during New Life celebrations?” Ralof speaks again, making Hadvar come back to reality. 

“What are you -”

“Yes or no?” Ralof senses his fear, but Hadvar can’t run away anymore. He needs to be brave tonight, because it may be his last chance to be brave.

“Yes. Yes, I do.” 

“We were drunk and happy and we thought we had our whole life ahead of us.” Ralof begins, trying to be brave himself and just let his thoughts flow into words like a river turning into a waterfall. “I remember drinking so much mead that my heart started driving me like a man possessed. I came up to you and asked you if you wanted to see the stars in our spot. And you agreed. And in that moment I knew that I was going to kiss you.” he stops to laugh, his chuckles calming Hadvar down a bit after all of that. “I never climbed this damned ladder faster. And I was drunk, and you were drunk, but the moment I kissed you, I was the most sober I’d ever been. Even sob… sober-er?” he tilts his head for a second.

“More sober.”

“Right. More sober. I was more sober than when I was actually sober. Did that make sense? It all sounded better in my head…” 

“It makes sense.” Hadvar says after a moment. “I felt the same.” and that sentence makes Ralof’s eyebrows rise comically high. 

“You felt the same.” he says, and it sounds both like a question and a revelation at the same time.

“Of course I did. I kissed back, you know.”

“Of course I know! I remember it as if it happened mere seconds ago.” 

Time seems to stop. The wind isn’t blowing anymore, and the birds stopped singing, as if to let them talk their truths uninterrupted. The stars seem to shine brighter, but not as bright as their reflection in Ralof’s blue eyes. Hadvar was always weak for those eyes. And now those eyes are big and filled with hope that is contagious. What if they both still feel the same. What if this could actually work out for them? 

“Ralof… why are you telling me this?”

“Because I never said anything after that night. Because I thought you were drunk and you wouldn’t remember. Because you never said anything either. Because you left to join the legion and I never got to tell you… Because I didn’t want to ruin what we had. But what we had is already ruined, isn’t it?” he says, his voice is hoarse and sorrowful, and his eyes almost lost all hope, as if he sent it all to Hadvar. He lost his bravery, but Hadvar is willing to be brave enough for both of them now.

“I left because I could never bear to tell you that I’m leaving and see your face. I left because I was afraid of my feelings. I… I never wanted to ruin what we had, and that’s why I acted as if that kiss never happened. Friends to lovers… That stuff only works in books, but this is real life. The truth is that I’ve pined and ached for you for as long as I remember.” Hadvar chuckles at how easy it is to just say it. “I don’t even remember a time when I didn’t love you. It’s always been you. I think I loved you even before I met you, and I know that I couldn’t utter it when you needed it shouted, and for that I am sorry, but I am willing to sing like a bird about it now.” He takes Ralof’s face in both of his hands and holds it so gingerly it hurts. 

“Please don’t tell me you’re going to start singing.” Ralof tries to conceal the emotional baggage in his voice as best he can.

“I’m sure you’d find some ways to shut me up-” but he barely gets to finish his sentence because Ralof’s lips crashed into his. His lips were chapped, but the kiss was so soft.

“I love you, you beautiful, kind, loud, obnoxious man. I will always love you.” Hadvar barely breaks the kiss to utter, bumping their noses together.

“Well, my plan was to say it first, and how can I even compete with that?” He smiles into the kiss. He could get lost in him forever. His arms wrap around his back, pulling him closer, closer, but even the closest isn’t close enough. 

“You’ve shown me that you love me enough, Ralof. I was just too blind to see it.”

“Well I’m glad you finally came to your senses.” He says between kisses. He should probably stop and look at Hadvar properly and try to articulate just how much he adores him, but he is unable to stop kissing him. So much time was lost pining when they could have done this instead. Damn the war, damn the village, damn all the Gods, he only cares for him in this moment. “But really, I love you, too, Hadvar. More than anything. More than words.” he should be more poetic. He wants to be more poetic. He’d hoped that in the time spent with Ravonna, maybe some of her bard-ness got to him, but Hadvar’s hands are in his hair, and he is practically climbing on him, and all those constellations that they were looking at long ago seem to be in Ralof’s stomach, dancing around to the tune of their heartbeats.

“Ralof.” Hadvar whispers, grinding his hips and pulling at Ralof’s tunic. He eagerly throws his hands in the air, trying to get it off as soon as possible. But it proves to be a more challenging move than anticipated. The watchtower used to be bigger, he thinks. After some struggling, they manage to take his tunic off, but he hits his head on the railing in the process, making them both laugh against each other. He sits up, not letting Hadvar get a good look at the scars on his chest. He is quick to return to kissing him. He slides his hands under Hadvar’s tunic, sending shivers up his spine, but the tunic refuses to cooperate due to their crammed together position. 

“You’re gonna have to sit up for a bit.'' Ralof says against Hadvar’s neck, making him groan in frustration because he stopped kissing him. But he complies, trying to get up so that Ralof can take his tunic off, but he hits his head even harder, falling on Ralof in the most embarrassing way. His face is now on the floor, and he is pretty sure that his right leg is not moving without additional help because it somehow got stuck between the railing and the wall. 

Despite everything, they both can’t help but laugh out loud. Ralof helps him get out of that position and now they’re facing each other again, wiping away their laugh-tears. 

“You know, these might help us out, if you wish to get out of here.”

“We can't go back to your place! I will never be able to look at Gerdur in the eyes again! And my place has no private rooms-”

“- Ravonna gave me the keys to her room at the Inn.” Ralof grins.

“Why didn’t you say that in the first place?” Hadvar protests.

“I didn’t know we’d get to this!”

“You still took the key!”

“A man can hope!” he carefully throws his arms in the air in defense. As careful as he was, he still hits his elbow on the railing. “Gods, when did this place shrink…”

“Place didn’t shrink. You just got bigger.” Hadvar raises a mischievous eyebrow, his voice full of innuendo, making Ralof’s face grow as red as Bjorn’s tomatoes on a summer’s day. The sudden rush to the room is imminent, and as fast as Ralof climbed this ladder on that night on New Life, he climbs out of it even faster this time, giggling and not giving a care in the world for the fact that he left his tunic in the watchtower or what people may say when they see them rushing into the Sleeping Giant Inn and shutting the room door behind them. Hell, most of the locals probably made bets on this. They all know. They must’ve figured it out by now. 

The doors to the inn open and the Nords are rushing in with red faces, swollen lips and smiling faces. Ravonna and Fenrik are sitting at the front of the inn, chatting with the innkeeper and drinking mead. They both jerk their heads towards the door in unison. She raises her eyebrows in surprise at a shirtless Ralof, rushing towards her with the speed of wind. 

“Everything’s worked in your favor, I see.” she is smug and happy with herself, making Fenrik chuckle. “You’re welco-” but she is interrupted by Ralof grabbing her face and smushing his face against hers. The kiss is brief and raw, and when Ralof pulls away, Ravonna is stunned beyond words.

“Thank you. You’re an absolute saint, Dragonborn. I am forever in your debt.” He bows, and drags Hadvar to their room, shutting the door behind them with what seemed like their bodies slammed against it. 

Fenrik is too busy laughing. 

“What the fuck just happened?” She asks, still stunned, yet chucking.

“I believe you just witnessed some authentic Nord affection first-hand.” He laughs. “Ah, I’ve not seen this since Atmora, when me and my sailor friends used to throw parties on the ship.”

“You mean to tell me that you did this all the time?”

“Of course. I loved my friends! And sometimes that love was much beyond words.”

“Nords…” She shakes her head.

“You’re a Nord, too!”

“Shut up.”

“Is he a better kisser than me though?” he playfully leans closer to her.

“By the Gods! This conversation is over!” she gasps, playfully punching his shoulder and ordering another round of meads.