#Harry Landers

[summersnow82]

Just in Case There's a Phantom: Part 6 of That Familiar Feeling

Author's note: Y'all are fabulous. Thanks for sticking with me. See if you can find my Easter Egg.

Fanfiction_TMNT Bayverse/ 2003 crossover

“Sooooooooo,” Mikey drawled, glancing back and forth between Leonardo and Sean. “This is awkward.” Both were glaring at the other, arms crossed over their chests, and Mikey swore he saw Leo flex enough to make his biceps bulge. Sean, to his credit, seemed unmoved.

Splinter sighed deeply. Clearly there wasn’t going to be any conversation tonight. “I’m going to bed,” he announced.

“Yeah, me too,” Mikey agreed. “Raph’ll probably have her out all night anyway.” Two pairs of blue eyes turned on him with blazing intensity, and he shrugged. “He’ll bring her back home safely,” he assured Sean before turning to his older brother. “Be nicer next time, Leo. She’s a nice girl, and I’m not gonna let you scare her off.” He turned towards his bed then stopped to toss in, “Besides, she likes me.”

Leo rolled his eyes, turning back to Sean. The human hadn’t moved. “I’m curious,” Leo began, and Sean arched an eyebrow. “Raph said he’d watched Annabelle for a week before he grabbed her. If you really are her brother why didn’t he see you, too?”

A slow, satisfied smile slid over Sean’s face. “You really think we didn’t know we were being watched?”

Leo’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

Sean took a step forward. “I mean,” he said coolly, “I knew how to get past all of your booby traps. Belle knew something was coming. We’ve been doing this for awhile. We’ve been trained by others. We’ve been hunted, and we’ve been stalked. We know when we’re being watched, and your brother was not subtle.”

Leo’s frown deepened as he tried to connect the dots Sean was laying out for him. “The star,” he said softly. “Raph’s ninja star.” Sean nodded, and Leo thought he saw a flicker of approval in the man’s eyes.

Leo had forgotten all about that night, but now the memories can flooding back. They’d heard the laughter from the rooftops above, and the delicious smell of mozzarella, tomato sauce, and garlic lured them closer. He saw her first; hair in a high ponytail, dress swirling around her ankles, and her laughter tinkling like music. He had stared, and Raph had noticed. It didn’t help he’d just lectured Raph for an hour on staying in the shadows, accepting their life apart from the humans, blah blah blah. His hot-headed brother swung down into the alley behind the restaurant, and caused enough commotion for her to investigate.

“Raph!” Leo hissed in his brother’s direction, but the red clad turtle ignored him. He was watching the brunette peer around the corner of the building.

“Leave it, Belle,” Sean cautioned, shifting his tray of dirty dishes to the closest outside table. “Loretta left us dinner. Let’s finish up out here and close up. I’m starved.” She’d waved him off, taking a cautious step towards the darkness and away from the light. “Belle!” Another step. “Annabelle, c’mon!”

“Hello?” She’d called out. Raph smirked up at Leo before expertly tossing a ninja star out of the shadows. It landed where he’d intended – inches from her feet. Leo didn’t know what Raph was expecting, but curiosity wasn’t it. She narrowed her eyes, crouching down to pluck the star from the spot it was currently embedded. She fingered the weapon carefully, examining it slowly, before her eyes flickered up to the darkness.

…and precisely to where Raph was currently crouched on top of a dumpster.

“Leo?” She whispered. Another step forward. “Leo?” She said a bit louder this time. Raph hissed in a breath, and shot Leo a withering glare. She opened her mouth to say more, but another star flew out in her direction, this one much more aggressively. She cried out, jumping back as it stabbed the street where she’d been previously standing.

“Time to go,” Sean had told her, grabbing her arm and jerking her towards the restaurant’s back door.

“Wait,” she’d cried, thrusting an arm out towards the shadows.

“Nope.”

“Wait!” Sean wrapped an arm around her waist, scooping her up, and slamming the door behind them. Leo had performed a similar exit with his own brother, but his was less… thoughtful.

Leo rubbed his brow as the memory faded into angry accusations and name calling from his brother, and he looked up to see Sean watching him. “She knew.”

“She hoped,” he said. “She’s been trying to get back to them for a very long time.”

“I’ve been thinking about that,” Donnie said, piping in. “And if you’re up for it I would love to pick your brain about a few of my theories on time and inter-dimensional travel.” He paused. “And I definitely want to know how you got past all my defenses.”

Sean blinked, his eyes shifting from Leo to Donnie. “That was you?” Donatello nodded. Sean’s face split into a huge grin. “Those were amazing! I was really impressed by the engineering.”

Donnie grinned, rubbing the back of his neck bashfully. “I mean, it’s no time machine.”

“Hey, don’t do that, man,” Sean said, walking over to him and patting him on the shell like they were old friends. “Those were some really ingenious works of art out there. The only reason I knew how to avoid them was….” Leo tuned them out as the two men went into a lengthy spiel full of technical terms and jargon no one in their family could comprehend. Donnie didn’t have many people who could understand him on an intellectual level, and it was clear he was loving every moment of this conversation.

Sean’s demeanor had shifted, as well. The blonde visibly perked up as Donatello spoke, his eyes brightened, and soon he was grinning like a kid on Christmas morning. It was obvious he understood everything Donnie was saying, and even more so, he was delighted by this unexpected meeting of the minds. Leo admittedly didn’t understand Sean’s reply, but it was hard to continue hating the man who was currently engaging in brainy geek speak with his genius brother. Leo watched as Donnie waved Sean over to his work station to continue the conversation with visual aids, the two men forgetting about the turtle in blue.

Leo cast his eyes to the exit Annabelle and Raphael had used not too long ago. It wasn’t too late; he could still follow them, and keep a watchful eye from a safe distance. But no. Leo was many things, but desperate wasn’t one of them. He was logical, and logic told him Raph would keep her safe, and bring her home to them. Logic also told him Mikey was right – he’d been acting like a jerk. To her, to Raph, to everyone. Yesterday he had no idea who this woman was, and now suddenly he was acting like a possessive boyfriend because some other turtle had passed on his own emotions and memories? To what end? What was the point of these turtles calling out to him and his brothers? Leo frowned, and tried to think about it logically.

Safety. They wanted to keep her safe. Endearing her to others would certainly do just that.

Home. They wanted her back, and she didn’t seem able to get back to them on her own. Donnie was a genius. Perhaps they were counting on his genius to be a staple in other dimensions, as well. If anyone could get her back to them it would be Donnie.

Leo thought those were excellent reasons on their own, but there was something else tickling the back of his brain. He’d felt the same earlier this evening, and it was gnawing at him. There was something else...something so close he could taste it.

Leo was many things, and proactive was one of them. The itching grew stronger as his resolution grew. He wasn’t going to wait on this other Leonardo to come to him this time. This time he was going to reach out and mind-dominate this turtle until he had all the answers he wanted.

……………….

“He really mentioned my singing?” Annabelle asked as Raph led the way deeper into the sewers. “I wouldn’t have expected that from him.”

“Here we are.” Raph stopped in front of her, and shifted out of the way so she could see their final destination. The sewer tunnel opened up in a dome-like shape with golden orbs clustered together in the middle of the ceiling. The masonry surrounding the globes was far more sophisticated than anything Annabelle had seen on their walk so far with depictions of curling vines, detailed feathers, and stone busts that looked more angelic than gargoyle.

“What… what is this place?” She asked, stepping further into the room, and turning around slowly to take in her surroundings.

“Honestly, we’re not a hundred percent sure. Donnie has some theories about bootleggers.” He paused. “Or vampires,” he said, shrugging. Annabelle shot him a glance, and realized yes, the vampire comment was serious. Then again, if there were mutant ninja turtles and time travelers in these sewers were vampires really that hard to swallow?

“Vampires, huh?” She spun again, slower this time. “Maybe the sewers have a Phantom instead?” She shot him a smirk over her shoulder.

“Freakin’ love that show,” Raph muttered, moving to the far left wall. He leaned back, crossed his arms over his broad chest, and tilted his head back a touch. “Think this will do for an impromptu concert?”

Annabelle cocked her head to the side. “You were serious?” He arched a brow, and she shrugged. “M’kay. I don’t really get it, but why not?” She pursed her lips for a moment, and then nodded as if she’d made a decision. “Just in case there is a Phantom… .” She shot him a grin, closed her eyes, and began to sing.

“Think of me, think of me fondly when we've said goodbye. Remember me, once in a while, please promise me you'll try. When you find that once again you long to take your heart back and be free, if you ever find a moment spare a thought for me.

“We never said our love was evergreen or as unchanging as the sea, but if you can still remember stop and think of me. Think of all the things we've shared and seen. Don't think about the way things might have been.

“Think of me, think of me waking silent and resigned. Imagine me trying too hard to put you from my mind. Recall those days, look back on all those times, think of the things we'll never do. There will never be a day when I won't think of you.”

Raph had been right – this was the perfect place to sing. The acoustics were phenomenal, and any nerves Annabelle might’ve had in the beginning disappeared as she marveled in the way her voice carried.

“I think you should do it.”

“Do what?”

“Sing professionally. I know you’d make a great doctor, but it’s obvious this is what you’re passionate about.”

Leo’s words of encouragement floated to the forefront of her mind as she finished the song. How many times had she caught him silently listening to her play the piano late at night when she couldn’t sleep or singing to herself to calm her anxiety? He’d made her feel so safe, so secure, and so confident with just a nod of his head or a simple smile. It seemed inevitable she would develop feelings for him, even if she didn’t quite know how to define them. Her chest hurt and her throat ached. Why had she chosen that song? The emotional baggage it dredged up was painful to relive.

Raphael’s slow clap jolted her from her thoughts. “Holy shit.” Her eyes flashed open to see Raph staring at her. “He wasn’t kidding. You really do have a set of pipes on you.” An almost feral smile split over his face as he began to walk towards her. “Do you have any idea what this means?”

“Ummmm.” Her nerves skyrocketed as the behemoth in red strode towards her. “No?”

“It means,” he declared once he stood in front of her, “that I am finally gonna beat Donnie and Leo at karaoke night!”

…………..

Master Splinter stressed meditation. It helped calm the warrior spirit, cleared the mind, and provided clarity and reflection. In hindsight, Leo wished his father had done more mental exercises instead of physical ones. Finding the right Leonardo and combing through his memories were proving to be harder than he anticipated.

Pizza, pizza, pizza, Shredder, robot Foot ninjas… wait… no. Wrong Leo.

Rain forests, stone statues brought to life… whoa! Big monster. Wrong Leo.

Leonardo sighed in frustration. Just how many alternate versions of himself were there? He could probably ask Donnie, but he didn’t want the explanation that would definitely follow. He closed his eyes again, took a deep breath, and tried a different approach.

Annabelle. Annabelle. Dark eyes, darker hair, pale skin. Feisty, sassy, thoughtful. Scared, angry, traumatized. Hopeful, gentle, caring. He focused on her image, cleared his mind of all other thoughts, and pushed.

[endlich-allein]

Paul and Ollie by @ paulharries (Munich, 2023)

[mudwerks]

(via Editorial Reply - The Credibility Gap (1977)

standard conservative editorial

[oldshowbiz]

Michael McKean: Possessor of a Good Voice

[badmovieihave]

Bad movie I have Down Periscope 1996

[cringelordofchaos]

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh so thats why i was always so obsessed w chilldhood friends to loverssssssssssssssssss

[preacherman316]

Pressing On To Maturity

“You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely,” once quipped the humorist and American poet Ogden Nash. I suppose there’s something attractive about the Peter Pan mentality of enjoying the carefree life of childhood, never growing up, and avoiding adulting. Continue reading Untitled

[battyaboutbooksreviews]

🌈 Queer Books Coming Out in May 2024 🌈

🌈 Good morning, my bookish bats! Struggling to keep up with all the amazing queer books coming out this month? Here are a FEW of the stunning, diverse queer books you can add to your TBR before the year is over. Remember to #readqueerallyear! Happy reading!

[ Release dates may have changed. ]

❤️ Farzana's Spite - Felix Graves 🧡 Archangels of Funk - Andrea Hairston 💛 How It Works Out - Myriam Lacroix 💚 Queer History A to Z - Robin Stevenson, Vivian Rosas 💙 Queerceañera - Alex Crespo 💜 Second Night Stand - Karelia Stetz-Waters, Fay Stetz-Waters ❤️ You Can Call Me Cooper - Cali Kitsu 🧡 Gooseberry - Robin Gow 💛 Grand Slam Romance - Ollie Hicks, Emma Oosterhous 💙The Witches of Silverlake - Simon Curtis, Stephanie Son 💜 Drawn to the Enemy - Barbara Winkes 🌈 The Truth of Our Past - Heather Leighson

❤️ Infaust - T.D. Cloud, Ambi Sun 🧡 Garner for Gold - Catherine Labadie 💛 The Z Word - Lindsay King-Miller 💚 Snake Charming - Genevieve McCluer 💙 The 7-10 Split - Karmen Lee 💜 Loving Jemima - Sienna Waters ❤️ The Potion Gardener - Arden Powell 🧡 A Swift and Sudden Exit - Nico Vincenty 💛 The Worst Ronin - Maggie Tokuda-Hall, Faith Schaffer 💙 Murray Out of Water -Taylor Tracy 💜 The Guncle Abroad - Steven Rowley 🌈 The Weight of What Was - Pip Landers-Letts

❤️ The Amazing Alpha Tau Pledge Project - Lisa Henry, Sarah Honey 🧡 I Met Death & Sex Through My Friend, Tom Meuley - Thom Vernon 💛 Malicia - Steven dos Santos 💚 The Sins on Their Bones - Laura R. Samotin 💙 SLUTS: Anthology - Michelle Tea 💜 You Should Be So Lucky - Cat Sebastian ❤️ Death's Country - R.M. Romero 🧡 Cinema Love - Jiaming Tang 💛 The Brides of High Hill - Nghi Vo 💙 Emma - Jenna Kent 💜 Wish We Were There - Lionel Hart 🌈 A Troublemaker in Her Eyes - Genta Sebastian

❤️ I Make Envy on Your Disco - Eric Schnall 🧡 Lavash at First Sight - Taleen Voskuni 💛 Queer Power Couples - Hannah Murphy Winter, Billie Winter 💚 In Repair - A.L. Graziadei 💙 A Heart Divided - Angie Williams 💜 Long After We Are Gone - Terah Shelton Harris ❤️ The Queen of Steeplechase Park - David Ciminello 🧡 Lunar Boy - Jes Wibowo, Cin Wibowo 💛 Hot Boy Summer - Joe Jiménez 💙 Sunhead - Alex Assan 💜 The Summer Love Strategy - Ray Stoeve 🌈 Into the Mouth of the Wolf - Erin Gough

❤️ The Girl in Question - Tess Sharpe 🧡 The Lost Erwain - Mariah Stillbrook 💛 Starfire - Naomi Hughes 💚 Adrift - Sam Ledel 💙 Shanghai Murder - Jessie Chandler 💜 April May June July - Alison B. Hart ❤️ A Bone in His Teeth - Kellen Graves 🧡 Cabin Fever - Tagan Shepard 💛 Don't Be a Drag - Skye Quinlan 💙 The Ride of Her Life - Jennifer Dugan 💜 The Redemption of Daya Keane - Gia Gordon 🌈 Nearlywed - Nicolas DiDomizio

❤️ The Sunforge - Sascha Stronach 🧡 The End of Time - Trudie Skies 💛 Silent Ones - Melissa Polk 💚 Prime Time Travelers - Neil Laird 💙 My Darling Dreadful Thing - Johanna van Veen 💜 The Honey Witch - Sydney J. Shields ❤️ Spitting Gold - Carmella Lowkis 🧡 Last Chance - Claire Highton-Stevenson 💛 Road Home - Rex Ogle 💙 Only for Convenience - Shannon O'Connor 💜 Linus and Etta Could Use a Win - Caroline Huntoon 🌈 Finding Molly Parsons - Alyson Root

❤️ Breathe: Journeys to Healthy Binding - Maia Kobabe, Dr. Sarah Peitzmeier 🧡 See You Next Month - Jamey Moody 💛 Until You Say My Name - Tatum Schroeder 💚 Disembark - Jen Currin 💙 True Love and Other Impossible Odds - Christina Li 💜 Flyboy - Kasey LeBlanc ❤️ Thirsty - Jas Hammonds 🧡 Hands Off - N. Slater 💛 Flooded Secrets - Claudie Arseneault 💙 The Deer and the Dragon - Piper C.J. 💜 To Be Loved - Frank G. Anderson 🌈 Snowblooded - Emma Sterner-Radley

❤️ Blood Remains - Cathy Pegau 🧡 Blood on the Tide - Katee Robert 💛 We Were the Universe - Kimberly King Parsons 💚 Loyalty - E.J. Noyes 💙 Spirits and Sirens - Kelly Fireside 💜 Clean Kill - Anne Laughlin ❤️ The Worst Perfect Moment - Shivaun Plozza 🧡 Oye - Melissa Mogollon 💛 Here for the Wrong Reasons - Annabel Paulsen, Lydia Wang 💙 Exhibit - R.O. Kwon 💜 Experienced - Kate Young 🌈 Parenting with Pride - Heather Hester

❤️ Road to Ruin - Hana Lee 🧡 Meet Me in Berlin - Samantha L. Valentine 💛 The Advice Columnist - Cade Haddock Strong 💚 where lost & hopeless things go - Bryony Rosehurst 💙 Pit Stop - Ellis Mae 💜 The Switchboard - Christina K. Glover ❤️ In the Shallows - Tanya Byrne 🧡 Have You Seen This Girl - Nita Tyndall 💛 Another First Chance - Robbie Couch 💙 The Only Light Left Burning - Erik J. Brown 💜 Keepers of the Stones and Stars - Michael Barakiva 🌈 A Little Kissing Between Friends - Chencia C. Higgins

[darvstein93]

Paul Landers by Paul Harries 2023.07.31

[myrammmortal]

Chapter 10, who knew you can kill Richard with a steak?

I was really scared about Vlodemort all day. I was even upset went to rehearsals with the band. Only today Richard was depressed so he wasn’t coming and we wrote songs instead. I knew Richard was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn’t die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there’s no way I’m writing that) or a steak) and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride. I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs and tiny matching hotpants that said Daddy's Boy on the butt. You might think I’m a slut but I’m really not.

We were singing a cover of ‘Helena’ and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears.

“Paul Flavor Flav Alzheimer Birdflu Landers! Are you OK?” Frau Schneider asked in a concerted voice.

“What the fuck do you think?” I asked angrily. And then I said. “Well, Voldemort came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Harry! But I don’t want to kill him, because, he’s really nice, even if he did go out with Richard. But if I don’t kill Harry, then Voldemort, will fucking kill Richard!” I burst into tears.

Suddenly Richard jumped out from behind a wall.

“Why didn’t you fucking tell me!” he shouted. “How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!” (c is dat out of character?)

I started to cry and cry. Richard started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying.

We practiced for one more hour. Then suddenly Dumbeldore walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn’t cause he had a headache.

“What have you done!” He started to cry wisely. (c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) "Wait, I'm in the wrong story again aren't I? My apologies, carry on!" He walked off, still crying wisely and Till entered the room.

“Paul Darkness Vampire Potter Landers, Richard has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists.” 

[summersnow82]

Take a Walk: Part 5 of That Familiar Feeling

Fanfiction_TMNT Bayverse/ 2003 crossover

Author’s note: Part 5 of That Familiar Feeling

Thanks for sticking with me, y'all. I really enjoyed this one. Raph gets some major screen time in this one, and I just adore him. Enjoy!

..........

“Okay, so just to recap,” Sean began, closing his eyes and rubbing his temples. “Canister of mutagen.”

“Ooze,” Splinter corrected.

“Ooze,” Annabelle added.

“Ooze,” Sean stated. “Made you and the turtles who you are today. You named them after Renaissance artists – love that, by the way – and taught them ninjitsu. You fought some guy named Shredder, which honestly, is not the best bad guy name I’ve ever heard,” he continued.

“I once met a guy named the Disemboweler,” Annabelle quipped from the side. She was exhausted, and was currently lying on her back, arms draped dramatically over her eyes.

“Gross,” Sean said, never missing a beat. “Fought him, saved New York, fought some guy named Krang who was trying to open a portal to another dimension – curious about that – and saved New York, and now you defend the city from the shadows.” He looked to Splinter to make sure he hadn’t missed anything.

The old rat nodded, his eyes closed, arms folded, legs crossed. Annabelle would’ve sworn he was asleep, but he kept responding to Sean’s questions patiently.

“And these guys are the same guys who saved you after our Paris incident,” Sean said, directing his question to Annabelle.

“Yup.”

“But we’re in a different dimension so they aren’t the same-same guys?”

“Uh huh.”

“And I pulled you from them when I was working with Jarvis after our separation.”

Annabelle sighed. “That you did.”

“And you decided you’d keep the whole mutant turtle-rat ninja thing to yourself?”

Annabelle sighed, dramatically tossing her arms to her sides and sitting up. “I was hysterical when you found me, Sean. I wanted to find you, but I had a home there with all of them. Would you really have believed me if I told you the truth?”

Sean’s brow furrowed. “I’ve always believed you, Annabelle,” he replied simply.

She sighed again, pulling her knees to her chest, and focusing her eyes on the rug beneath them. “You were with Jarvis for a few months. I was with the guys, Cody, and Master Splinter for over a year. I loved them, and I never got to say goodbye. The mutant thing… it just didn’t feel as important as everything else.”

“They miss you, you know,” Splinter said softly, and Annabelle looked up to see him watching her with fatherly concern. “Perhaps this is a good time to discuss the dreams with my sons – if you are not too tired, of course.”

……….

Raphael grunted as he dodged another of Leo’s attacks. In retrospect, making a sexual reference about Annabelle had been crass and ill-advised. He’d been enjoying how easy it was to rile Leo up, and he’d overstepped. Of course, there was no way Raph was going to admit to that now. No, he was going to win this fight, smirk arrogantly, and then try to keep his smart mouth shut from here on out about Annabelle’s appearance. His sais crashed into Leo’s katanas, and the two growled at each other through clenched teeth.

It was stupid, really. Raph did enjoy brunettes with nice hips, but he wasn’t too picky over hair color. He was partial to blondes and red heads, too. What he really liked were curves, confidence, and a sense of humor. He’d fantasized about his ideal woman over and over, and Annabelle, who he did admit was attractive, seemed far too nice to ever spark his interest. She was giving him maternal vibes when he was looking for a Black Widow.

“This has gone on long enough guys,” Donnie called from the sidelines. He and Mikey had wisely removed themselves from the line of fire, and were ping-ponging between concern and irritation.

“Yeah, c’mon guys,” Mikey added. “It’s late. We’re all tired. Like my girl Elsa said, ya gotta let it go.”

Raph would’ve laughed at that joke if it weren’t for the death glare Leo was sending his way. “No,” he growled, pushing back against Raph’s sais. “It’s a matter of honor.”

Raph could hear Donnie rolling his eyes. “Please. It’s a matter of your hormones, Leo.”

Leo jerked his head to the side to snap at Donnie, and Raph took the opening. He used his momentum to thrust their blades up, and did a hard front kick to Leo’s plastron. Leo was startled by the move, and tied to regain his balance, but Raph had the the upper hand now. He dropped, swiping Leo’s feet out from under him before he could move, and knocked the blue clad ninja on his shell. Raph was on him in a flash, sai poised at his brother’s throat in an effort to keep his older brother down.

“Ya made your point, Leo,” he growled. “Now back off.” Leo narrowed his icy blue eyes at his younger brother, and opened his mouth to reply. Raphael never heard what he said, though. His head swam, his vision blurred, and in a matter of seconds he was slumped over Leo, unconscious.

………………..

“I just don’t understand, Master Splinter. Why Raph? Have I done something to displease you?”

Raph blinked, shaking his head as his vision became clear again. He could hear Leo and Master Splinter speaking, but their voices were somehow...different. He blinked again, taking in the bright room with clean white walls, modern appliances, and a crazy view of the a city skyline.

“What?” He murmured, stepping closer to the window. This didn’t make any sense; if his eyes were telling the truth he was high over a bustling city with flying cars, bright lights, and odd looking creatures everywhere he looked. He caught sight of his reflection in the glass, and blinked again. “Wait…,” he began, backing up slowly. The turtle in front of him was definitely not his own reflection, and yet…

“Raphael? Raphael!” Splinter’s sharp tone caught Raph’s attention and he spun, staring at a Splinter and Leonardo that were not his Splinter and Leonardo.

“I think I’m going crazy,” he murmured, and Leo rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest.

“It’s not that crazy, Raph. We’re all capable ninjas,” Leo said. “I just think I’m better suited to train Annabelle.”

Raphael heard the arrogant attitude in his brother’s voice, and cocked his head to the side, currently forgetting his confusion. “Do ya now?” He asked, sarcasm lacing his words. “And why’s that, Fearless?”

Leo opened his mouth to reply, but Splinter intervened. “Raphael will be Annabelle’s teacher. Leonardo, you will respect the teacher-student relationship, and Raphael,” he said, turning to his son, “You will not disrespect it. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Master Splinter,” they replied in unison.

“Annabelle has overcome much since she came to us, and there is still much for her to work through. I will also be guiding her, but I believe this will be an excellent opportunity for you, Raphael,” Splinter said, resting a gentle paw on his son’s shoulder. “I believe you are particularly well-suited to teach her, my son. She is very angry, and there is a great sense of loss and isolation in her. Recognize this, and it will help you lead her well. Do you understand?”

Raphael looked into his father’s eyes, and nodded. “Yes, Master Splinter.”

His vision got fuzzy again, and for a moment he was worried he might be crying in front of Leo, but it soon became clear that was not the cause. He blinked again, wiping his eyes, and the room around him became clear.

He was in a small kitchen. The appliances were old, but the room was sparkling clean. A small gray kitten rubbed at his ankles, and he bent down to gently scratch beneath the kitten’s chin. “You keep that up and you’ll never get rid of the little fur ball.” Raphael jerked up, hands on his sais as his eyes settled on the same turtle he’d seen a few minutes before; the same turtle he’d seen reflected back at him from the glass window. “Hiya.” The red clad turtle smirked more than grinned, and he arched a brow. “Don’t worry – we’re not really in Mrs. Morrison’s kitchen. Master Splinter just said to picture a place I feel comfortable in, and here we are.” He shrugged, and then grinned as the kitten jumped into his lap. “Heya, Lucy.”

“What...what is this?” Raph asked, eyes still darting around the room.

“Master Splinter calls it a spiritual connection to our other selves,” the other turtle replied, gently stroking the now purring kitten. “Like opening a door previously locked. Mike and Don should expect a visit soon, too, if they haven’t already. We’re a bit on edge, ya see.”

Raph frowned, crossing his arms over his chest. “And I care because?”

His alternate version leaned forward, a dangerous smile sliding across his face. “Because we hear you found our girl.”

…………………

“Raphael? Raphael? Raph, can you hear me?” Leo felt cold panic race through his veins as he leaned over his younger brother. “Raph? Please?” Leo heard the pleading in his voice, the high pitched whine, and under normal circumstances he would’ve hated himself for it, but right now he cared about one thing only. “C’mon, Raph, wake up.”

“Pulse and breathing are even,” Donnie said, meticulously checking his brother’s vitals while Leo forced down his panic.

“He just went limp,” Mikey was explaining to Master Splinter and Sean. Annabelle knelt down next to Leo placing a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“This is what you did earlier tonight,” she said softly, her eyes never leaving Raph’s face.

“Then this is your fault,” Leo stated, turning steel cold eyes to lock on hers. Her hand eased off his shoulder with the same delicacy in which she’d placed it, but she remained silent.

“Leave ‘er alone.” Raph’s words were slurred as if he were waking up from a deep sleep, and he reached up to rub his face. “Guy can’t take a nap around here without causing a panic.”

“Raph!” Mikey all but lunged at his older brother, and his tackle-hug was met with a bright smile and hearty laugh on Raph’s end. “You scared us, bro.”

“That’s not so hard to do, Mikey,” Raph teased, raking his knuckles playfully across his baby brother’s head.

“Raph, what happened? What did you see?” Leo asked, and his brother finally turned his green eyes towards him. His eyes narrowed a touch, just enough to let Leo know he was unhappy with him, before turning to look at Annabelle.

“Wanna go for a walk?” He asked bluntly.

Annabelle blinked. “… sure. Yeah.”

He gave her a deft nod. “Cool.” Raph gently untangled himself from Mikey, and stood to his full height, moving his head back and forth to hear a satisfying crack, and then leaned down to offer Annabelle his hand. The room went quiet as she gently slid her own hand into his, and he pulled her up.

“Ummmm….,” Mikey began, glancing from them back down to Leo.

“I’m not so sure this is a good idea,” Sean piped in.

“No one cares,” Raph said, his eyes never leaving Annabelle’s, her hand still gently placed in his own.

“I agree with blondie,” Leo said, standing. “What if you faint again?”

“What if you trip on my fist?” Raph asked calmly. Leo caught the quirk in Annabelle’s lips, and Raphael mirrored her grin.

“Blondie? That the best you got, Big Blue?” Sean quipped, crossing his arms across his broad chest, and eyeing Leo with disdain.

“Would you like to see the best I’ve got?” Leo snarled, turning to face the human.

“Leonardo!” Master Splinter said sharply. “That is enough.”

“It doesn’t really matter what either of you think,” Annabelle replied, casting an irritated glare in their direction. “Because the only opinion that matters on this subject,” she turned her full gaze to Leo before she spoke again, “is mine.” She looked over at Sean, her expression softer. “And since you’ve already placed half a dozen tracking devices on me I think I’ll be just fine.” She turned back to Raphael, tightening her grip on his hand. “C’mon, Raph.”

………………

They were out of the lair and deep into the sewer system long before either of them spoke again. “You really okay with your brother putting all those trackers on you like that?” Raph asked. His eyes had remained straightforward the moment they’d stepped out of the lair, but their hands were still gently interlocked. Raph found the heat from her palm oddly comforting like the sun warming his shell on those rare moments in the sun.

Annabelle shrugged. “I mean, normally it would be a huge red flag, but I cannot tell you how many times we’ve gotten separated. Tracking devices are actually quite clever.” She paused. “I need to put some on him.”

Raph shook his head. “Humans.”

Annabelle cast him a side glace and a gentle smile. “Turtles.”

“He’s not a bad guy, ya know,” Raph said. “He’s just not great with people.”

Annabelle frowned. “Who?”

“Leo.” Raph stopped, turning to face her. “I mean, he can be a pain in the shell, and a total tool, but overall,” he shrugged. “Overall, he’s a good guy. Good brother.”

“I know that.”

Raph grinned. “Just wanted to make sure.” He turned, tugging on her hand, and pulling her along after him.

“So where are we going?” She finally asked.

“It matter?”

“Not really. Just curious. I could guess where Donnie or Mikey would take me, but you and Leo… you two always manage to surprise me.” He glanced back at her, and she quickly added, “In a good way.”

He stopped quickly, whirling to face her, and she bounced off his plastron. He quickly tugged her back to him, and this time her free hand pressed against his broad chest. His free hand held her in place, his large hand splayed across her back, and she blinked up at him. “How would you like me to surprise you tonight, Belle?” His voice was low, teasing, and unmistakably flirtatious. He grinned at the blush quickly spreading over her cheeks, and the way she ducked her head, effectively breaking the intense stare.

“Raphael,” she began, and he chuckled.

“He said you might react that way,” he replied, and she glanced up at him in surprise. He had an eye ridge cocked, and Annabelle had to admit it made him look awfully attractive. “So before I go and build up my brother too much I’m gonna ask – you and other-me ever break a sweat doin’ something other than training?”

“Raphael!” She cried, eyes wide, and cheeks even brighter. His grin grew, and then, like a light bulb going off in her mind, she grinned, too. “Other-you? You saw Raphael! You saw my Raphael!” Her smile was blinding, and she jumped up, wrapping her arm around his neck. “You saw my boy! My sweet, sweet boy!” She was laughing, and crying, and he freed her other hand so she could hug him fully. “Is he all right? Is he safe?” She asked, pulling away to wipe her eyes. She seemed as giddy to him in that moment as a child on Christmas morning. “Did you tell him I miss him? Because I do. I really, really do!”

He chuckled, reaching down to muse her hair in a similar fashion as he’d done with Mikey earlier that night. “Yeah, yeah. It was very emotional for us,” he teased.

“Oh, you liar!” She cried, but her voice was so filled with delight Raph couldn’t do anything but match her glee in his own, slightly more retrained manner.

“C’mon,” he said, reaching out for her hand again – that warm, cozy beacon. “We’re almost there. Then I’ll tell you everything.”

“Almost where?” Her voice now held a lilt of excitement and hope he found himself wanting to indulge. Similar to Mikey – equally endearing, but less annoying. Maybe this was what having a sister was like?

“He told me to find you a nice spot,” he turned, grinning again, “to sing.”

[endlich-allein]

Ein lachendes, ein weinendes Auge! Mange tak, Aarhus! © Paul Harries @ rammsteinofficial

[mudwerks]

(via A Date with Danger · Credibility Gap (1974)

Harry Shearer, David L. Lander, Michael McKean 

(at bottom) Richard Beebe

[literarydemerit]

Literary Demerit Episode Guide

Here is a list of all our current episodes, organized by season. Each episode here is linked to Spotify, but our podcast can be found on most platforms including Apple Podcasts, Audible, and our Patreon. Content warnings can be found in the description of every episode.

Season 1 - My Immortal (Harry Potter)

Episode 1: Draco’s Falsetto

Episode 2: Gottem

Episode 3: This Sentence Is False

Episode 4: Bunts and Cabarets

Episode 5: And There Was Only One Coffin!

Episode 6: Cheese Boots

Episode 7: Kafkaesque

Episode 8: Sexy Broomstick

Season 2 - Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation of Edward Cullen (Twilight)

Episode 9: Man-Carrot

Episode 10: Moldy Sluts and Horrid Slugs

Episode 11: Mr. Snoofles’ Extracurricular Lesson

Season 3 - Blood Raining Night (Inuyasha x Hetalia x Legend of Korra x Elfen Lied x MANY MORE)

Episode 12: Rachael Blood Cat Ogre

Episode 13: My Daughter, Angel Garbage

Episode 14: Little Wayne

Episode 15: Just Be Enemies

Episode 16: Kentucky Friend Chicken

Episode 17: Wedding Prank GONE WRONG!

Episode 18: Fullmeowtail Nyalchemist

Episode 19: Trapped in a Island with Clone Catgirls

Episode 20: How to Baby

MAID MADNESS (video)

MAID MADNESS New Game + (video)

Episode 21: Rachael Redemption Arc

Season 4 - Dirty Laundry (Voltron: Legendary Defender)

Episode 22: The Voltron Restaurant

Episode 23: Evangelion Chicken Scene

Episode 24: Keith’s Cup of Stars

Episode 25: Highway Catfight

Episode 26: Rachel von Karma

Episode 27: Yaoi Microdosing

Episode 28: Lance’s Egg

Episode 29: Alligator Tears

Episode 30: Gasolina

Episode 31: Stomach Demons

Episode 32: Semicolon Abuse

Episode 33: Mom World

Episode 34: Dirty Landere

Episode 35: Rewrite Brain

Season 5 - Kelly the Roman Warrior (Lord of the Rings x Twilight x Shrek x various others)

Episode 36: Transylvanian Vampire in Rome

Episode 37: Evil Chess

our cover art is by @enaqua!

[richardsphere]

Leverage Redemption Log: The Walk In the Woods Job

Army guy is with his doctor (shoulder/arm injury is healing). Doctor is trying to convince Armydude to go to a support group for people who have been through similar.

Come to Therapy, We Have Cookies! Army guy left, other doctor has bills and a message from a Kurt Lander (frumples note). We're really going out of our way to make the Boss Doctor seem likeable with how much he cares about other peoples mental health.

Camera follows second doctor on way out, lingers on picture of elliot on the wall. Throw a hand-egg, bomb. PAUL!!! --- Panama, 4 years ago (so during the timeskip) Elliot and Dr. Paul are having a drink. Austin Kurt Lander (why does this guy get three names? Im gonna stick to Kurt) is footing the bill for the clinic. I think the "He" that Austin wants Elliot to make peace with is his father? But im shit at context clues and also sick of getting faked out there. --- Dr Guy recognises Elliot at the funeral. "highly decorated veteran", Translation: Warcriminal.

Ok lets not double-book our acronyms please? I get there are only so many 3-letter combinations (17.576) so there is bound to be overlap but lets not open our communications up to potential future confusion. I'll refer to the Bomb type as "Thermite bomb" (TB) and the other oen as "Warcrimes Incorporated". (WI) if this becomes a running gag for the episode. getting to the stuff that even US Propagandists think is "bad stuff", corruption scandals, friendly fire in Kabul, and bodyguarding for Saudi Princes.

Something definitly happened on that bridge (and Elliot was definitly there to see it happen) --- Parker Breanna and Sophie are trying to get into Silverguard HQ, Elliot and Harry are looking at Doctor's stuff.

They bombed Elliots Picture. (which opens a secret room, he was preparing to killl Kurt) --- Target is on the move, to a place called "Orpheus Grove" (ominous name)

And Breanna just hit Sophie with the truck. Which... well it's certainly a good distraction.

Well we knew he was a warcriminal, now we know he's an asshole. --- He killed some miners, (not a shock) Orpheus grove is apparently a secret conspiracy located on a confederate generals old plantation. Its a fratclub for racists and wealthy clansmen basically.

there are no satelites images at the plantation, no cell reception and presumeably no wifi. (we're going in blind, But Kurt will be blind as well) little heart-to-heart between Elliot and Harry. (he's stealing the shuriken) --- Meanwhile in Millwater (or whatever the place is called) Breanna sees a sign about endangered frogs. (protected species, shut down the plantation by making it a wildlife preserve.) Local historian is about to give us a history lesson on the frogs and their habitats (presumably including the plantation)

Coms are live for people in the grove but cant reach Breanna until the cloak is down.

Ok when i said it was a "fratclub for racists and Klansmen" i meant it as a joke. Turns out its an actual fratclub for racists and Klansmen. Oh they're peeing in the river. But thats where the frogs live! (the piss is Fricking up the PH of the water, its why they're dying).

Little contest: Who can steal the phone! Guy is spinning his two things lie again.

Guy-with-a-harp-round-his-neck is "in charge". I find the goat-horn to be a bit cult-y. Parker has the Phone. (or at least the Walky Talky) Ok so the "un-pickable safe" is just a ban on phones. Three keys. Phone is in the vault and Parker just spotted a sniper. (Kurt is "doing an audition", he's staging an assasination so he can rescue Frick from the assasin and be welcomed into the Cult) --- Back from commercial: Doctor was the sniper HE ISNT DEAD. Thought that lying about what happened on the bridge would be a lesser evil to justify his office. "im Harry, im with him. Glad you're not dead, what do we do now" 9/10.

Huh, the frogs might have legitimate national security value. ("the secret to curing bacterial infections") A potential cure for a biowarfare threat. The woman wasnt even entirely exagerating.

Also Breanna has put the flyers on the internet. Make a niche topic, post on a few specific forums. They're taking soil and water samples. They'll find beer-urine is messing with the PH and they'll shut the grove down. I just unpaused and the local historian just said the PH levels are rising form unknown reasons? Am I actually right?

Imagine a powerfull mystic cult of senators and private armies getting shut down by a local historian and her pet frog.

Breanna wants to have a froggy hat. (its a good hat.) --- Parker snips the wire on a keychain while the drunken wearer is pissing against a tree. Sophie distracts Kurt by getting him to brag about his 2 things line some more. Harry falls from a tree, Parker elbow-drops a guy getting a massage. Harry vanishes with the ghilly, Parker steals the final key dressed as a dancer. Sophie has been spotted. --- Sophie is going for "venezualan government agent" here for the mine collapse, begins priming Kurt for Elliot. Meanwhile Harry pretends to be Elliot as a distraction. Parker suffers a minor complication in needing to turn 3 keys simultaniously. Harry steals some of Elliots lines so Elliot can call this guy out by proxy. A bad Rocky monologue stalls for enough time for Paul and Elliot to show up. --- Paul is here to confess to the lies on a wire. Harry here to unionise the guards and tell them of their legal rights. Ok good use of the bridge.

The frogs. I was right about the Piss and the frogs. I wrote that so i had an excuse to make a joke about Frick's name. And i was right.

call-back to the MIC joke (thank frick that wasnt a running gag) Final toast between Elliot and Paul

[rammingthestein]

I was tagged by @namelessrammgirl to do this agessss ago 🔥💕 thank you 😊

Last song: Sonne by Rammstein (lol)

Favourite colours: pink and red 💗 i had hot pink hair for about five years and i was literally so fucking cool with it.

Last movie: it might have been Howl's Moving Castle or one of the Harry Potters, i'm not too sure!

Last tv series: Bob's Burgers 🍔

Sweet, spicy, or savoury: savoury over everything!

Relationship status: single, thank GOD

Last thing I googled: the bus time-table

Current obsession: using vaseline on my face as a night-time moisturiser. My skin gets so crispy and sore as soon as it gets a bit cold but the vaseline helps keep it soft ✨️ and paul lander's red tonsure during the mutter era if i'm being really honest about it