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oceandolores · 10 months ago

Text

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐫'𝐬 𝐝𝐚𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐞𝐫 | chapter 5

Dbf! Joel Miller x female reader

"𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘢 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥, 𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘢 𝘮𝘢𝘯 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘸𝘢𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘳𝘺."

summary: the rhythm of your days blends with the vibrant backdrop of your church’s dance preparations. Beneath the soft glow of Houston’s city lights and the gentle hum of Joel's truck, your deepening bond with him unfolds amidst stolen moments and whispered confessions. As you navigate the delicate dance of your emerging feelings, Joel’s own transformation remains veiled from his family.

warnings: 18+ only, Minors DNI, AU, No outbreak. (TW) mentions of substance abuse/alcohol use disorder, adult content, religion abuse, violence, blood gore, mentions of death, sexual abuse, sexual content, domestic violences, ped0ph!l1a, cann1bal!sm, human traff1ck1ng, dad's best friend!Joel, HUGE age gap (i will not specify her exact age, but she's legal and Joel is 49), daddy issues, mentions of toxic family dynamic, Joel is widowed, Ellie is 16, angst, smut A LOT, forbidden relationship, soft and protective Joel, innocent and pure reader. your last name is Gibson. any other details will be explain throughout the story. inspired by the album Preacher's daughter by Ethel Cain and also mix with lana del rey vibes.

CHAPTER 5

masterlist of the series!

previous | chapter 4

next | chapter 6

The anticipation for the church dance troupe's performance was building. The whole town was buzzing with excitement as the event drew near, only two weeks away. The performance would be a grand spectacle attended by everyone in town, including all the elders, and it was scheduled for the same day your father was set to return.

The first week of preparation was filled with rigorous rehearsals. You and your friends gathered at the community fellowship building, a bustling hub of activity. Jemima, Pastor Ben's wife, along with a few other church members, coordinated the practices. The adults were always around, providing guidance and encouragement.

The church dance troupe was more than just an extracurricular activity; it was a lifeline, a vessel of hope and validation that you clung to. Each dance step, every twirl, and every leap was a silent plea for recognition, especially from your father. You had always loved dancing, finding solace in the rhythm and movement. It was the one place where you felt free, where the world and its heavy expectations seemed to melt away.

This performance was different. It was not just another event; it was a grand spectacle that could potentially alter the trajectory of your family's standing in the community. The mayor of the town would be there, along with other influential figures and elders. It was an opportunity for your family to be thrust into the spotlight, a chance to shine and, more importantly, a moment to make your father proud.

Your father, a man of stern demeanor and unyielding expectations, had always demanded excellence. He often showed you off, his actions speaking louder than his words. To him, you were a reflection of the family name, a testament to his own efforts and discipline. The thought of this performance being a success was not just about personal achievement for you; it was about carrying the weight of familial pride and expectation.

The rehearsals were intense, each session a blend of sweat, dedication, and the relentless pursuit of perfection. Jemima and the other coordinators pushed you and your friends hard, knowing the significance of the event. As you practiced, you imagined your father watching you, his eyes scrutinizing every move, his expression a mask of stern judgment.

During breaks, the atmosphere was filled with the usual activities of a church community—people chatting, sharing snacks, and discussing the upcoming performance. Pastor Ben often made an appearance, ostensibly to support the group's efforts, but you couldn't help but notice his lingering gaze on you. Jemima was always busy coordinating the rehearsals and offering guidance, leaving Ben with ample opportunity to keep an eye on the group.

You and Emma had both noticed Ben's attentiveness, though it was you who seemed to capture his interest the most. His questions and small talk were frequently directed at you, and his presence seemed more pronounced whenever you were around. Despite the attention, you tried to remain polite and composed, responding to his questions with the same courtesy you showed everyone else.

As the day's rehearsal came to an end, you bid farewell to your friends and began gathering your things. Just as you were about to leave, Pastor Ben approached you, his steps confident and his smile warm.

"Hey," he greeted you.

You looked up, slightly startled but quickly masking your surprise. "Oh, hey, Pastor Ben."

He chuckled softly. "Please, just call me Ben. Using 'Pastor' makes me feel old."

You smiled politely. "Alright, Ben."

"So, how did the rehearsal go today?" he asked, his tone casual but his eyes attentive.

"It went well, I think," you replied, then added with a light smile, "You were there, well, what do you think?"

Pastor Ben chuckled softly, leaning against the doorframe. "You’re right, I was there. And from what I saw, you all are doing a wonderful job. There’s a real sense of unity in the group, and that’s something special."

You nodded, feeling a mix of pride and a little awkwardness under his steady gaze. "Thanks. We’ve been working hard, trying to make it something memorable."

Ben’s eyes softened as he looked at you. "I can see that. And you, especially, seem to put your heart into it."

You felt your cheeks flush slightly, unsure how to respond to the compliment. "Well, I love dancing, so... it’s important to me. And I want to make my family proud, especially my dad."

Ben’s expression turned thoughtful, and he nodded. "That’s a good motivation. I’m sure your father will be proud of you when he sees what you’ve accomplished."

"I hope so," you said, the weight of your father’s expectations pressing on your shoulders. "It’s not always easy to meet his standards."

Ben tilted his head, studying you for a moment. "Parents can be tough sometimes, especially when they have high expectations. But you should be proud of yourself, too. It’s clear you’re giving it your all."

You smiled politely, feeling a bit more at ease. "Thank you, Ben."

There was a brief pause, and Ben seemed to hesitate before speaking again. "Well, are you gonna go home? Do you need a lift?" he asked, his voice casual but with an undertone that made you feel slightly uneasy.

You hesitated, glancing toward the parking lot. You were supposed to meet Joel, and he had made it clear he’d be waiting for you at the back of the school, out of sight from anyone who might be watching.

"Oh, thank you, Ben," you began, choosing your words carefully. "But I’m actually meeting someone. I’ve got a ride, so I’m all set."

Ben raised an eyebrow, his curiosity piqued. "Someone from the dance group?"

You forced a smile, shaking your head. "No, just a friend. We’re heading out for a bit."

"Boyfriend?" Ben asked, his tone casual, but there was a hint of something more behind the question—curiosity, maybe even a touch of jealousy.

Your heart skipped a beat at the word. You weren’t sure how to answer, not wanting to give away too much. "No, just a friend," you repeated, trying to keep your tone light. "We’re just going to hang out for a while."

Ben nodded slowly, but you could tell he wasn’t entirely convinced. "Well, be careful, alright? It’s getting dark out there."

"Of course," you replied, maintaining your polite demeanor. "Thanks, Ben."

With that, you turned to walk away, your heart beating a little faster. As you made your way around the side of the building, your eyes darted around, searching for Joel’s truck. You spotted it parked in the shadows, just as he had said it would be.

Joel was leaning against the truck, arms crossed, waiting for you. The moment you saw him, a sense of relief washed over you, dispelling the lingering unease from your conversation with Ben.

"Hey, doll," Joel greeted you as you approached. He pushed off from the truck and opened the passenger door for you. "Ready to go?"

You nodded, climbing into the truck. "Yeah, let’s get out of here."

Joel shut the door behind you, then walked around to the driver’s side and got in. As he started the engine and pulled out of the parking lot, you couldn’t help but glance in the side mirror, half-expecting to see Ben watching from a distance. But the street was empty, and soon the school was behind you as you and Joel headed out of town.

"Everything okay?" Joel asked, noticing your pensive expression as he drove.

"Yeah," you replied, trying to shake off the lingering thoughts. "Just... Ben offered me a ride, and it felt a little weird."

Joel frowned slightly, glancing over at you. "Weird how?"

You shrugged, trying to put your feelings into words. "I don’t know. He just seemed...just forget about it," you said, hoping to brush it off, but Joel wasn’t letting it go that easily.

"Wait, what do you mean?" he asked, his tone more insistent.

You hesitated, not wanting to make a big deal out of it. "It’s nothing important."

Joel’s gaze remained fixed on you, his concern evident. "Doll... is he making you uncomfortable?"

You bit your lip, feeling a bit foolish for even bringing it up. "No, it’s just... he’s more interested in me than he should be. Like, he was paying a lot of attention during rehearsals and then offering me a ride. I don’t know, maybe I’m just overthinking it. Maybe he was just being nice and polite."

Joel’s frown deepened, his protective instinct kicking in. "If he’s making you feel uneasy, you need to tell me. Okay?"

You nodded, appreciating his concern. "Okay, I will."

There was a moment of silence, the tension from the conversation lingering in the air. You glanced out the window, watching as the town faded into the distance. The trip to Houston would take a while, and you wanted to shift the mood to something lighter.

"Joel," you asked, turning back to him, "can we listen to some music?"

A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. "Sure, darling." He reached over to the radio and tuned in to a familiar station. As he did, the opening chords of "Harvest Moon" by Neil Young began to play, filling the truck with its soothing melody.

You couldn’t help but smile. "I love this song."

"Me too," Joel replied, his voice softening as the music enveloped the both of you.

As the song played, you let yourself get lost in the moment. The gentle strumming of the guitar and Neil Young’s tender voice seemed to wrap around you like a warm blanket, easing the tension that had settled in your chest. There was something timeless about the song, something that made you feel safe and understood, like everything was exactly as it should be, at least for now.

The lyrics spoke of love, of dancing together under the light of a harvest moon, and you found yourself wishing for that kind of simplicity in your own life. Being with Joel felt like that sometimes—like you were both in a world of your own, where the complications of your life couldn’t touch you. It was just the two of you, killing time on the road, the open highway stretching out before you like a promise of something more.

You look at Joel as he drives, your eyes tracing the lines of his face in the soft glow of the dashboard lights. The music played quietly in the background, creating a serene atmosphere that made this moment feel almost dreamlike. You couldn't help but admire him—how he looked so effortlessly handsome, even in the simplest moments.

Joel had a rugged and weathered appearance that only added to his appeal. His strong, muscular build was a testament to years of hard work, and the deep-set wrinkles around his eyes and mouth told stories of a life lived through hardship and survival. His dark hair, graying at the temples, and the scruffy beard he often wore gave him a rugged charm that was impossible to ignore.

His eyes, though—a striking, soulful brown—were what truly captivated you. There was a depth to them, a mix of sadness and wariness that hinted at the burdens he carried. But in this moment, as he drove with a steady hand, those eyes held a quiet intensity, softened by the comfort of being in your company.

Joel wasn't like the boys you knew from school or the men you saw in town. There was something about him, something that made your heart skip a beat whenever you were near him. Maybe it was the way he seemed so strong yet so gentle, or how he always knew just what to say to make you feel safe. Maybe it was the way he looked at you, not as a child or a preacher's daughter, but as someone who mattered, someone worth protecting.

His flannel shirt and worn jeans might have been simple, but on him, they looked perfect. The sturdy jacket he wore only added to his rugged appeal, making him look like the kind of man who could take on anything the world threw at him and come out on top. But more than his physical appearance, it was the way he carried himself—the quiet confidence, the steady calm—that drew you in.

As you watched him, you realized that Joel was the first man you'd ever looked at this way. He wasn’t angry, he wasn’t demanding or harsh. He was just... Joel. And for the first time since you were a child, you could see a man who wasn’t angry.

Joel was everything you hadn’t known you were looking for—strong, protective, kind. And as you sat there, in the passenger seat of his truck, you couldn’t help but feel that whatever this was between the two of you, it was something worth holding onto.

The miles continued to slip away as you let yourself get lost in the rhythm of the road, the steady hum of the engine, and the quiet comfort of Joel's presence. For the first time in a long time, everything felt right.

As you approached Houston, the city lights shimmered in the distance, a glittering array of orange and white against the dark canvas of the night sky. The sight of the city, so vibrant and alive, filled you with a sense of excitement. It was a stark contrast to the quiet, small-town life you were used to, and the thought of exploring something new with Joel by your side made your heart skip a beat.

Joel navigated the truck through the streets, eventually pulling up to a house on the outskirts of the city. It was still a work in progress, but even in its unfinished state, you could tell it was going to be beautiful. The structure was modest yet elegant, with clean lines and a minimalist design that felt both modern and warm.

As you stepped out of the truck, Joel gestured towards the house. "What do you think?" he asked, his voice tinged with a hint of pride.

You took a moment to take it all in, the smell of fresh wood and the faint scent of sawdust lingering in the air. "It's beautiful, Joel. Minimalist, not too big, not too small. It feels... cozy."

Joel nodded, a small smile playing on his lips. "I wanted to keep it simple, but still make it something special."

You turned to him, curiosity getting the better of you. "So, who’s this house for? A client, or...?"

Joel shrugged, his expression thoughtful. "Not sure yet. The land was sold cheap by someone I know—he was in a tight spot and needed the money. I felt bad for him, so I bought it. Figured I’d put a house on it instead of letting the land just sit there. It's only about halfway done, still a lot left to finish."

He paused, glancing around the space as if seeing it for the first time through your eyes. "Maybe for Ellie one day. Or... maybe for you if you ever decide you want to leave that small town of ours."

His words left you momentarily speechless, a warm flutter spreading in your chest. You tried to play it off with a lighthearted joke. "Houston’s still too close to our town, Joel. If I ever leave, I might need to go much farther."

Joel chuckled softly, the sound deep and comforting. "Fair enough."

He led you through the house, showing you the different rooms, each space still in varying stages of completion. It was clear he had put a lot of thought into the design, making sure every detail was just right. Finally, he stopped in front of a set of glass doors. "The balcony’s almost done. Want to see it?"

You nodded eagerly, following him out onto the balcony. It was a stunning space, with a transparent roof that let you see the sky above while keeping you sheltered from the elements. The city lights flickered in the distance, but here, under the open sky, it felt like a world of its own.

"It’s taken almost a year to get it to this point," Joel admitted, his voice soft. "Sometimes I wasn’t sure if I wanted to keep going or just leave it as it was."

As you stepped further out, you noticed a couch on the balcony, neatly set up with blankets and pillows. It looked well-used, like someone had spent a lot of time there. You glanced at Joel, raising an eyebrow. "You come here often?"

Joel smiled, a bit sheepishly. "Yeah, when I need to clear my head. It’s quiet up here. Helps me think."

Before you could respond, Joel started straightening out the blankets on the couch, making it more comfortable. He then lay down, looking up at the sky. He patted the space beside him, inviting you to join him. "C'mere"

You smile and then lying down next to him. The couch was surprisingly comfortable, and as you settled in, you felt a wave of calm wash over you. The sky above was a blanket of stars, each one twinkling like a tiny beacon of light in the darkness.

Lying there beside Joel, you felt a sense of peace you hadn’t felt in a long time. The worries and expectations that weighed so heavily on you seemed to fade away, replaced by the simple joy of being in this moment with him. It was just the two of you, under the stars, sharing a quiet connection that didn’t need words.

After a while, Joel broke the comfortable silence. “So, you really want to get out of town after you graduate, huh?” His voice was low, almost contemplative.

You nodded, your gaze still fixed on the stars. “Yeah, I’ve been thinking about it for a long time. I just… I don’t know exactly where yet. Maybe the East Coast or the West Coast. But I’ve always wanted to visit the West. Maybe California, Los Angeles… It’s just something about it, you know? All those Hollywood movies make it feel like a dream.”

Joel listened quietly, nodding as you spoke. You could feel his eyes on you, his presence a comforting weight beside you. After a moment, you turned the question back to him. “What about you, Joel? If you could go anywhere, where would you go? What would you do?”

Joel took a deep breath, as if considering the possibilities. “I’d like to live a simple life. An old farmhouse, some land, maybe a ranch,” he said thoughtfully. “I’d raise sheep. They’re quiet and do what they’re told.”

You couldn’t help but smile at the thought. “Farmlife sounds very nice, Joel. Peaceful.”

He chuckled softly, a sound that warmed your heart. “Yeah, I think it would be. But for now, construction pays the bills.”

You turned slightly to look at him, curiosity piqued. “But why construction? I mean, you’ve got a lot of money. You could leave town and move to the countryside if you wanted to.”

Joel sighed, his expression turning more serious. “Maybe. But it’s not just about the money, y’know? Construction... it gives me something to do, keeps my hands busy. After everything that happened, I needed something solid, something that made sense. Building things, working with my hands... it keeps me grounded.”

You could hear the weight of his words, the unspoken memories that lingered just beneath the surface. “And besides,” he continued, “leaving town isn’t as easy as it sounds. There’s a lot tied up in this place, a lot of memories, good and bad.”

You nodded, understanding more than you could ever say. “I guess I can relate to that.”

Joel turned his head slightly, his eyes meeting yours in the dim light. “You’ve got your whole life ahead of you, doll. You don’t have to make any decisions right now. Take your time, figure out what you really want.”

You smiled softly, feeling a deep sense of gratitude for him, for how he made you feel understood and safe.

Without overthinking it, you leaned in closer, your gaze briefly locking with his before you tilted your head up to kiss him. The kiss was soft, sweet, and gentle, an extension of the warmth that had been building between you two for weeks. Joel responded in kind, his arms tightening around you as if he didn’t want to let go.

But as the kiss deepened, a thought crept into your mind—Emma's words from the other morning, about how you could show love to someone you really liked or loved. The idea lingered, urging you to be bolder, to express just how much you cared about Joel in a more intimate way.

You hesitated for only a second before kissing him again, this time with more passion. Joel seemed surprised but played along, his lips meeting yours in a way that made your heart race. You let your hands explore, moving over his broad chest, feeling the solid muscle beneath the fabric of his shirt. You were nervous, but the thought of showing him how much you cared kept pushing you forward.

Your kisses trailed down from his lips to his jaw, then lower to his neck, your hands beginning to wander further down his body. As you continued, you could feel Joel stiffen slightly beneath you, and just as your kisses were about to travel even lower, he suddenly pulled back, his voice firm but gentle.

“Whoa, darlin’,” he murmured, his hands coming up to hold you still. “What are you doing?”

You blinked up at him, confusion written all over your face. “I just... I want to show that I care about you and want to thank you,” you said softly, your voice tinged with uncertainty.

Joel’s brow furrowed slightly. “What do you mean?”

You bit your lip, trying to find the right words. “Emma told me that... that when you really like someone, you can show them by, you know, doing things like this. I just wanted to... please you, I guess.”

For a moment, Joel just looked at you, his expression a mix of surprise and something else you couldn’t quite place. Then he sighed, his hands gently cupping your face, lifting your gaze to meet his.

“Listen to me, sweetheart,” he began, his voice low and earnest. “I appreciate that you care about me, more than you know. But this? This isn’t how you show that. You don’t need to do anything like this to prove how you feel, okay? Not to me, not to anyone.”

You felt a wave of embarrassment wash over you, realizing that maybe you’d misunderstood what Emma had meant. “I’m sorry,” you whispered, feeling a little foolish.

Joel shook his head, brushing a thumb across your cheek. “You don’t have to be sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong. But I want you to understand something: love, real love, isn’t about doing things to keep someone around or to make them happy. It’s about respect, trust, and caring for each other, no matter what. And I care about you, doll, more than you know. But I don’t want you to feel like you have to do anything you’re not ready for.”

You nodded slowly, taking in his words. There was something comforting in knowing that Joel wasn’t expecting anything from you, that he cared for you just as you were.

Joel pulled you back into his arms, holding you close as if to reassure you. “Just being here with you, that’s more than enough for me,” he murmured, his lips pressing a gentle kiss to the top of your head.

You snuggled into his embrace, feeling a deep sense of relief and gratitude. In that moment, you realized that what you had with Joel was special—something that didn’t need to be rushed or defined by anyone else’s expectations. It was enough just to be with him, to share these quiet, intimate moments under the stars.

And for now, that was all you needed.

The morning sun filtered gently through the transparent roof of the balcony, casting a soft glow over you and Joel as you lay curled together under the thick blanket. The cool air of the dawn was a stark contrast to the warmth shared between you two. You felt the steady rise and fall of Joel’s breathing behind you, a comforting rhythm that made you feel secure.

You had called your mother last night, fabricating a story about staying over at Emma's place to work on a group project. Your mother, trusting as ever, had accepted your explanation without question. As you lay there, the peaceful silence of the morning was occasionally interrupted by the faint chirping of birds and the distant hum of the city waking up.

In your spooning position, you were nestled snugly against Joel, feeling his strong arms wrapped around you. The sensation was soothing, but as you relaxed, you became aware of something pressing against you—something firm and unmistakably intimate. You realized it was Joel’s growing arousal, a testament to his restraint and the powerful emotions he was holding back.

Joel had been incredibly patient with you, giving you the space to understand your feelings and the nature of your relationship. He had made it clear that he didn’t want to push you into anything you weren’t ready for, especially after the recent emotional turbulence with Jamie. Yet here he was, still responding to your closeness despite his efforts to respect your boundaries.

You could sense the internal struggle Joel was facing. His body betrayed a desire he had been meticulously controlling, striving to honor your readiness rather than his own needs. It was a poignant reminder of his deep care and the complex layers of your relationship.

You gently shifted in his embrace, turning slightly so you could look up at Joel. His features were softened in sleep, and he looked almost serene. There was an undeniable tenderness in the way he rested, the soft lines of his face illuminated by the early morning light. His rugged charm was softened in this moment, and you couldn’t help but admire how peaceful and handsome he looked.

“Honey,” you called softly, nudging him gently.

Joel stirred slowly, his eyes fluttering open. He looked at you, a bit disoriented at first. “Hmm?”

As he fully awakened, he immediately noticed the situation. A flush of realization crossed his face, and he muttered, “Fuck, I didn’t mean for this—”

You cut him off before he could finish. “Joel, I can fix it,” you said firmly, your voice steady.

Joel's eyes widened with a mix of panic and confusion. “No, no, wait. What are you doing?”

“I can fix it,” you repeated, your tone insistent yet gentle.

Joel’s expression shifted to concern. “It’s okay, but you don’t have to do this. I don’t want to push you into anything you’re not ready for.”

You shook your head, trying to reassure him. “It’s okay. I want to.”

Joel’s face softened, and he shook his head slowly. “No, you’re not ready yet, sweetheart.”

“But,” you continued, your voice carrying a hint of determination, “you’re a man, and you’re going to need—right? Don’t you sometimes feel...horny? How do you handle that?”

Joel’s eyes widened at your directness, a faint smile tugging at his lips despite his attempt to remain serious. He looked both surprised and touched by your concern and curiosity. “Well, doll, it’s not always easy, but you learn to manage it. You focus on other things, or you just...take care of yourself.”

You nodded, absorbing his words. “So, it’s like...not something you can just ignore?”

Joel chuckled softly, his voice rough with sleep. “No, it’s part of being human. We all have needs and desires, but it’s about finding a balance, respecting each other’s boundaries.”

You looked thoughtful, your eyes meeting his with a mixture of understanding and curiosity. “So, there’s a time for everything?”

“Exactly,” Joel said, his voice softening. “It’s about finding the right time and the right moment. And right now, it’s important that we both understand and respect where we are.”

You smiled at him, feeling a sense of clarity and comfort in his words. “Thank you for being honest with me, Joel.”

He gave you a gentle smile, brushing a strand of hair from your face. “Anytime, doll. We’ll figure this out together. No rush.”

You settled back into his embrace, feeling a profound sense of connection and trust. The conversation had brought a new level of intimacy and understanding between you two, reinforcing the bond you shared.

***

As Joel drove you back, he navigated the familiar streets with a thoughtful expression. The quiet between you was comfortable, punctuated only by the soft hum of the truck. When he finally stopped a few blocks away from your home, he turned to you, his eyes reflecting a mix of warmth and something more profound.

"See you later, doll," he said, his voice gentle. He leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to your lips. It was a tender gesture, full of unspoken promises and affection. You smiled at him, feeling a sense of contentment that you hadn't experienced in a long time.

"See you later, Joel" you replied, your voice soft but filled with emotion.

As Joel’s truck rounded the corner and vanished from view, you felt a mixture of elation and contentment. The previous night had been a rare and comforting escape from the pressures of daily life. The softness of Joel’s embrace and the quiet intimacy of the starlit balcony had left you feeling more at ease than you had in months.

You took a deep breath, savoring the lingering warmth from the night before, and headed inside to prepare for the day. A quick shower was in order to shake off the remnants of sleep and to ready yourself for the dance rehearsal later at the church. The routine of getting ready felt almost meditative, a gentle counterpoint to the excitement and nervousness building inside you.

As Joel pulled up to his house, he felt a rare surge of happiness. The morning sun cast a warm glow on everything, and he couldn’t help but smile at the thought of how things had been lately. He parked the truck and headed inside, the familiar sound of the front door creaking open greeted him with a sense of belonging.

He dropped his keys in the bowl by the door and called out, “Ellie, I’m home!”

From the kitchen, Ellie looked up with a raised eyebrow. “Where the hell have you been?"

Joel’s eyes widened when he saw Tommy sitting at the breakfast table with Ellie. “Oh, Tommy, I didn’t see you there. What are you doing here?”

Tommy glanced up from his plate. “I’m here to pick you up. We have a meeting with clients about a big project. Remember?”

Joel’s heart sank. “Oh shit, I forgot. I’ll be ready in a minute. Just need to change clothes.”

Ellie watched Joel, noting his unusually bright demeanor. “Joel, you okay?”

Joel grabbed a pancake off the plate and took a bite, standing by the counter. “Yeah, I’m good. Why?”

Ellie gave a puzzled look, then shrugged. “Nothing. Just seemed like you’re in a good mood.”

Joel, humming softly to himself, replied, “Just give me ten minutes, okay? I’ll be right out.”

He headed to his room, still humming the tune of “Harvest Moon,” the song that had been playing during his time with you. His steps were lighter, his mood buoyant.

As Joel disappeared into his room, Ellie and Tommy exchanged glances, both intrigued by Joel’s recent behavior.

“Did you see that?” Ellie asked, her tone a mix of disbelief and amusement.

“Yeah,” Tommy said with a chuckle. “He’s definitely different lately. Happier, more upbeat. It’s like he’s come out of a shell.”

Ellie nodded, leaning back in her chair. “I’ve noticed it too. He’s been going to church more, cracking jokes, and just generally being...more alive.”

Tommy took another sip of his coffee, a thoughtful look crossing his face. “Well, good for him. Finally, thank God.”

Ellie leaned forward, her curiosity evident. “Did he tell you anything? Like, did he open up about something that’s made him happier lately, or maybe someone?”

Tommy raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

Ellie leaned in, “Did he ever, you know, confide in you about something? Like what’s made him so... different lately?”

Tommy scratched his chin, thinking back. “Hmm, now that you mention it, I do remember one time he showed up late to work. He had this... I don’t know, a woman’s perfume on him. I teased him about it, you know? I said something like, ‘Hey, look at you, smelling all fancy. Got a date or something?’”

Ellie’s eyes widened. “And? What did he say?”

Tommy chuckled. “He just brushed it off. Said I was imagining things. Tried to act all nonchalant, like it was nothing. But it was pretty clear he’d been somewhere—or with someone.”

Ellie’s curiosity was clearly piqued. “So, he really didn’t say anything more? No hints or anything?”

Tommy sipped his coffee and shook his head. “Nope, not a peep. He’s pretty tight-lipped about his personal life.”

Ellie looked thoughtful for a moment, then her face brightened with a mischievous grin. “I need to know if Joel’s finally dating someone or going out with someone. Because, hell, whoever she is, I don’t want an evil stepmother!”

Tommy chuckled, shaking his head. “Give your old man a break, Ellie. He’s not exactly the type to jump into things without thinking them through.”

Ellie’s expression turned serious. “I’m serious, Tommy! I don’t want a stepmother coming in too quickly. I’m really happy with how things are now—with Joel, you, Maria, and little Luke. It’s been nice.”

Tommy’s smile softened. “I get it. It’s a big change, and no one wants to feel like they’re being rushed into something. But Joel’s been through a lot. If he’s found something that makes him happy, we should be supportive, right?”

Ellie nodded earnestly. “I know. I just want to make sure that whatever happens, it’s for the right reasons. I don’t want anyone coming in and disrupting what we’ve got here.”

Tommy placed a reassuring hand on Ellie’s shoulder. “Well, as long as we’re all here for each other, I think we’ll be okay."

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theroyalsims · 20 days ago

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A SHOW OF SUPPORT - ROYALS STEP OUT FOR THE SPRING SERVICE; ANYA AND GUS TAKE CENTRE STAGE

Our royals - and some extended members of the family - attended today's Spring Service at St. Mathilde's Cathedral.

(Prince Jacques and the Queen caught up with the Archbishop of Brindleton after the mass.)

The service was presided by the Most Reverend Archbishop of Brindleton. The Spring Service marks the "official" start of Spring in Brindleton, and is one of the most anticipated events in the Church of Brindleton's calendar.

The senior royals, led by Her Majesty The Queen and Prince Jacques, were in full force. Princes Nicky and Alistair arrived together, while Princess Ingrid rode with their parents. The Crown Princess and her husband, Prince Gus, were inseparable, holding hands during their walk to the church.

(Prince Nicky looked a little less enthusiastic - which probably has to do with his recent smoking scandal - compared to his big bro, Prince Alistair, who was all smiles during the walkabout.)

Other attendees (not pictured) included the Holm brothers - Lucas and Leon - with their respective wives and children.

The Duchess of Fjord (a.k.a. Emily, Empress Alice's eldest daughter) flew in from Rennaux to join in on the occasion. She was accompanied by her daughter, Lady Emma Caroline. The Duchess' husband, The Duke of Fjord, was forced to stay at home after undergoing a hip replacement operation last week.

(Above: The three royal ladies looked beautiful in their bright spring colours.)

It was, however, more than just showing up for a religious service - many say that in reality, it was a show of support for Anya and Gus, who are currently facing nasty speculations about their alleged "fertility issues."

(Above: Anya was all smiles despite the recent drama brought on by Eleanore's tirade. The heir to the throne looked absolutely in bloom, thanks to her soft pink coat dress, embellished with gold motifs. Princess Ingrid also dazzled in her white coat, nude heels and matching hat and clutch.)

One royal insider claims:

"It's so lovely how everyone's come together to show the world - Eleanore, especially - that they're standing behind Anya and Gus. Everything about today centred on those two, and you can hear that the support isn't just coming from the family - Gus and Anya undeniably got the loudest cheers when they emerged from the town car. Anya was visibly moved and I think Gus saw his wife was getting a bit emotional, so he took her hand and held it all the way to the chapel."

The source adds:

"This was a warning to Eleanore - we've picked sides, and it's not yours. Tread carefully."

We can't help but wonder how Eleanore feels about this outing and the outrage she's currently facing. Also, where exactly are the Harvelles? It's been a hot minute since we last saw them.

#ts4 #thesims4 #ts4 simblr #simblr #royal simblr #ts4 royals #ts4 royal #ts4 royalty #ts4 royal family #ts4 royal story #ts4 royal legacy #mystory #theroyalsims #anya #gus #eleanore #emilia #jacques #nicky

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acourtofteasandfoxes · 6 months ago

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I just... I love the idea that the Foxes join Renee at church on occasion. All for different reasons, at different times.

Wymack is the first, obviously. He loves all of his Foxes, knows them deeply. Wymack is there with her every Sunday for nearly two months before she settles on a church and finds her place. He still shows on occasion, especially on weeks Renee has been particularly quiet.

Dan goes to squash their high school rivalry. They need to be a team and team members support each other. Dan is also the reason Matt goes for the first time. The girls use it as a test. They wanna see how whipped Matt is for Dan, but also if he'll be respectful. Dan says yes to a date when he asks later that night.

Betsy goes because Renee asks. It was brought up in therapy and Betsy goes without question. Abby joins them. They don't go again, but Betsy doesn't hesitate to discuss religion with Renee and Abby ducks her head anytime Renee prays.

Allison goes after Seth. She had been meaning to go, truly, Renee is her friend and she had been invited. But it doesn't happen until Seth dies. Allison Reynolds is searching for answers, and she wants so badly to find them in church pews and worship songs. Allison would only step foot in that church one more time, and it will be for Renee, not for answers.

Seth never goes before he dies. Renee did invite him, just as she did all the Foxes, but he laughed at the thought.

Nicky was raised religious. Arguably it makes the most sense for him to join Renee when she asks him. Nicholas Hemmick has never said no so fast in his life. The jokes he throws around about bursting into flames when he walks through the doors aren't all jokes. Nicholas Hemmick is scared of the God he once loved. It's not until Drake, and Christmas, and Balitmore, that he cracks. He catches Renee right before she walks in and she holds his hand, in the back pew, as he cries during the sermon. They sit there for an hour after everyone else has left. Renee is the only one who understands the way Nicky feels both healed and broken.

Aaron goes because Katelyn goes. Her and Renee talk about it, she asks Aaron to take her, and really? Dude is so whipped he wouldn't say no. Aaron will never admit it, but he actually really liked the choir. When he gets back to the dorm he looks up a few worship songs to listen to before games.

Andrew doesn't go to an actual Sunday service. He does, however, help Renee volunteer for the church ice cream social. They were short handed and she promised him unlimited ice cream scoops. The adults are scared of him. The children love him and it's absolutely not, could never be, because he is giving all of them double scoops of sprinkles. Much like Wymack, however, he joins on occasion if Renee's vibe feels off. He just never goes inside, choosing instead to smoke in the car as he waits for her.

Kevin is the one to ask Renee if he can join her. They're talking about religion in one of his history classes, it overlaps with Renee's religious studies class, and he's interested. He ends up going every Sunday that summer, gathering information for a project, interviewing people, including Renee. He gets an A on his project and gets invited to all the church's events after that. The little old ladies loved him.

Neil is the last to join. He respects Renee, enjoys her company, but church and large crowds? Sitting still for an hour? Being preached at about something he doesn't believe is real? He has exy, and Andrew, and better things to do with his time. It's his idea, however, when he finally does go.

Because Renee has graduated. She's graduated, is heading into the Peace Corps, and she's leaving the church. Leaving Palmetto. Kevin gets the invite, but it's Neil's idea. Off handed remarks that turn into a Thing. Because the Foxes don't do small.

When Renee is asked to stand, when she is asked to lead the church in prayer one last time, she looks out into the crowd and has to take a moment. Because there, in the back, is an entire pew dressed in Palmetto orange. Every single one of them is wearing her number.

Renee knows, in that moment, that God truly does exist.

#the foxhole court #the foxes #renee walker #neil josten #andrew minyard #aaron minyard #kevin day #david wymack #dan wilds #matt boyd #just foxes doing fox things #thefoxholecourt #minyard twins

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justinspoliticalcorner · 9 months ago

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Jack Jenkins at RNS:

(RNS) — A diverse group of Christians is throwing support behind Vice President Kamala Harris’ White House bid, organizing fundraisers and Zoom calls in hopes of helping catapult the Democrat to victory in November — and, they say, reclaiming their faith from Republicans in the process. Their efforts come on the heels of similar campaigns aimed at specific constituency groups, such as the recent “White Dudes for Harris” Zoom call that featured celebrities and grabbed headlines. John Pavlovitz, a liberal-leaning Christian author and activist, was on that call when he hatched the idea for a Christian-centric version and texted his friend Malynda Hale, a singer, actress and fellow activist. “We had a conversation about how, specifically on the Democratic side of the political spectrum, you don’t hear a lot of people talking about their faith,” Hale told Religion News Service in an interview. “We wanted people to know that there are progressive Christians, there are Christians on the Democratic, left-leaning side, so that they didn’t feel alone.”

The result was Christians for Kamala, a part-fundraiser, part-virtual roundtable livestreamed event on Monday (Aug. 12). Featured speakers cited their faith as they praised liberal policies and personally endorsed Harris — who recently entered the presidential race after President Joe Biden bowed out — and her running mate, Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz. Over the course of the nearly three-hour event, the group raised more than $150,000 for the Harris campaign, a number that has climbed to just shy of $200,000 in the days since. “It’s been really difficult to keep up with the flood of comments and connections that have been coming in,” said Pavlovitz, who said the only formal help he received from the Harris campaign was in setting up a donation system for fundraising. A number of Christian groups — including evangelicals, a constituency key to former President Donald Trump’s base — have assembled similar calls in the lead up to next week’s Democratic National Convention in Chicago. Most have had little to no assistance from the official Harris-Walz campaign, which, barely a month old, has yet to announced a dedicated faith outreach director. The emerging grassroots coalition vies not only to bolster Harris but also to push back on what organizers say is a false assumption that to be Christian is to be a Republican — or a supporter of former President Donald Trump.

[...] That diversity was on display during the Christians for Kamala call, which included a mix of faith leaders such as the Rev. Jacqui Lewis, of Middle Collegiate Church in New York City, and the Rev. Lennox Yearwood Jr., head of the nonprofit Hip Hop Caucus; activists like environmentalist Bill McKibben and LGBTQ+ rights advocate Charlotte Clymer; commentators such as CNN’s Van Jones; and politicians, including New Jersey Sen. Cory Booker and Texas State Rep. James Talarico. The speakers linked their support for specific policies, such as working to blunt the impacts of climate change or passing immigration reform, to their faith and Christian Scripture. Some rebuked conservative Christianity’s ties to the GOP, calling it a form of Christian nationalism. “My faith in Jesus leads me to reject Christian nationalism and commit myself to the project of a multiracial, multicultural democracy where we can all freely love God and fully love our neighbors,” said Talarico, a Presbyterian Church (USA) seminarian who has been vocal in his condemnation of Christian nationalism in his state. “That same faith leads me to support Vice President Harris to be the next president of the United States.”

Although a member of a mainline denomination, Talarico was also a speaker on a separate “Evangelicals for Harris” Zoom call assembled on Wednesday evening. Organized by Faith Voters, a 501(c)4 organization, the effort was geared toward conservative Christians who have disproportionately sided with Trump. The call struck a different tone than Christians for Kamala: some speakers noted they had never endorsed a candidate before, and at least one pastor suggested he was risking friendships and relationships with his congregation by participating.

[...] The calls add to a slate of organizing efforts launched in recent days aimed at specific religious groups. Nearly 500 faith leaders have signed on to a letter endorsing Harris, a “Latter-day Saints for Harris” call was convened last week and multiple separate calls have been organized for Jewish Americans — including one on Thursday that targeted Jewish women and featured singer Barbra Streisand. A separate “Catholics for Kamala” call, facilitated in part by the Harris campaign, was also slated for this week but organizers rescheduled it until after the Democratic National Convention, citing scheduling conflicts. According to Pavlovitz, his group is already partnering with others, such as Catholics for Kamala, Christian Democrats of America and Vote Common Good. What form their collaborations take remains to be seen, but Pavlovitz said he is hopeful for whatever comes next.

Christians fed up with the religious right’s monopolization of what it means to be a Christian rallied to support Kamala Harris on multiple recent calls, such as Christians For Harris and Evangelicals For Harris. Christians need to vote for the REAL Christian in the race, and that’s Harris (and not antichrist Trump). #HarrisWalz2024

#Kamala Harris #Christians For Harris #Evangelicals For Harris #2024 Presidential Election #2024 Elections #Evangelicals #Christianity #Harris Walz 2024 #Malynda Hale #John Pavlovitz #James Talarico #Cory Booker #Charlotte Clymer #Rev. Jacqui Lewis #Van Jones #Adam Kinzinger

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nerdygaymormon · 1 year ago

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Bishops Council

In my stake, twice a quarter the bishops get together with the stake presidency. I typically do not attend this meeting, but stake president invited me to come since one of the bishops had added "counsel with LGBT youth" as an agenda item.

The stake president has a gay son and is fully capable of speaking to this, but I appreciate that he wanted to include the point of view of someone who is queer.

When we got to this topic, the stake president shared a few slides I had sent him earlier based on some research done at Utah State University.

The stake president then spoke about things he has learned as the dad of a gay child. Primarily that it is his job to love, and his son is going to have his own journey. The things he has learned as the parent of a queer child has helped him be a better stake president.

One of the bishops shared that when he was newly called three years ago that I sent him an email with 10 suggestions. He keeps that email bookmarked and has referred to it several times over the years. It helped him understand his role and that he could be confident in meeting with queer individuals and help them feel seen, loved, and valued. Then he read the list while wiping away tears, and I also was moved to tears to hear him share how impactful these suggestions were for him

David's list of 10 suggestions for bishops

All LGBT members need a trusted adult in their life who loves, supports and sustains them, no matter which path they choose.

When someone “comes out” they should be greeted with love, validation and hope, not a lecture on repentance or reminder of the Church’s stance on same-sex marriage

Create a safe culture for the LGBT person. This could include speaking to youth and YSA about what sort of conversation their bishop would have with them if they come out, that it’s okay if now is not the right time to come out, and there is no shame to the person or their family if they are gay/trans. There's a good chance there's some LGBT people in your ward, even if you don't know who they are.

Don’t use words like “struggling” or say they’ll be “fixed” in the resurrection

Our Heavenly Parents love their LGBT children, we should give them unconditional love and support and recognize they will bless the lives of others

LGBT individuals are more likely to be the victims of bullying and violence than any other minority group in the USA. Be on the lookout for youth or young adults who may be doing & saying unkind things.

Know the signs of suicide and depression. LGBT people are at much higher risk. It’d be a good idea for youth leaders to have some training in this.

Encourage them to pray and ask if God loves them as they are

Especially before or after lessons about marriage, say something like “I know there are people in this ward who cannot be married because of same-sex attraction or other reasons. I love you, and the Lord has a plan for you.”

Know that studies show that being active in the LDS church is often detrimental to the mental health and quality of life for LGBT people. For a person’s well-being, they may decide they need a break. Make sure they know they’re welcome to come back.

I then blurted out, "I'm gay, just in case anyone didn't know." A counselor in the stake presidency said, "Duh, we all know you're a happy guy."

Another bishop shared that he has a child who recently came out as trans and is in their first semester of college. This child hasn't fully discussed this with the family but is using this time away to experiment with what feels right to them. He loves this child and wants them to be their best and to be comfortable with themselves and it's taking some adjustments for him to understand and change his dreams for them.

Then my bishop shared that I had given him the same 10 suggestions when he was first called and he feels it has helped him be successful as a bishop to queer youth. He shared an incident that happened recently which involved a young women leader overhearing part of a conversation between two teens. He didn't share the specifics of the discussion other than it was about being gay. The leader was uncomfortable with what she heard and spoke about it at ward council.

Another bishop commented, "Oh yes, ward council, that's the right place to discuss that" as he rolled his eyes.

The stake president said a better approach would've been for the leader to ask the girls to share more with her, to be open to a conversation with them, rather than run to the ward council to share how shocked and uncomfortable she was.

I thought it was a good discussion even though I wound up saying very little. I had prepared some thoughts ahead of time that I could use as reference, and I sent them by email to the bishops (see below).

————————————————————

There are queer individuals who attend our congregations, many of whom aren't out to everyone, and so you speak to queer people even if you don't know who they are.

We are children of God, we deserve to hear good news, to have hope, to feel loved. Unfortunately that doesn’t happen often enough in church settings. People who interacted with Christ left feeling uplifted and that would be a good goal for us.

In 2019, the former stake president said this in Bishops' Council: LGBT individuals are some of the most patient people you’ll ever meet. They’ve heard more hurtful words than most any of us will hear in our entire lifetime. That doesn’t mean they’re immune to the words. There are LGBT members who come to church and they deserve to hear good words, to be welcomed and loved and be strengthened in the gospel.

Handbook 38.6.15 The Church encourages families and members to reach out with sensitivity, love, and respect to persons who are attracted to others of the same sex. The Church also promotes understanding in society at large that reflects its teachings about kindness, inclusiveness, love for others, and respect for all human beings.

Handbook 38.6.23 Transgender individuals face complex challenges. Members and nonmembers who identify as transgender—and their family and friends—should be treated with sensitivity, kindness, compassion, and an abundance of Christlike love. All are welcome to attend sacrament meeting, other Sunday meetings, and social events of the Church

When my bishop was first called, a member of the ward asked me if I thought the new bishop would be safe to meet with and share his orientation. I sent the bishop an email to find out and received this beautiful response:

David, Thank you for sharing this with me. I hope that the Spirit can guide me to treat LBGTQ members and investigators with love and respect. I’m not sure what your journey has been, but I would guess that it has included anguish, heartbreak and innumerable unintentional and even some intentional wounds. As far as I am aware, I am the only person called to be a judge in the ward, and I believe that office is to help everyone come to Christ, not send any away. I may not fully appreciate how or which traditions and traditional phrases may carry messages of exclusion, but I am open to learning a better way. I hope that I can “make the pathway bright” for LBGTQ members and friends. In hope, Bishop

One of the scariest parts of coming out is not knowing how the other person will respond. The previous stake president at a youth fireside shared how he would react if a person met with him and shared that they are LGBTQ.

I would thank you for trusting me enough to share this with me.

If you're willing, I'd like for you to share with me some about your journey up to this point.

I would offer to give you a blessing.

Regardless of whether you accepted or declined the offer of a blessing, I'm a hugger so I'd ask if I can give you a hug.

I'd invite you to come see me again when you want to talk some more.

Questions many LGBTQ+ members would welcome from their church leaders (these come from the fourth option)

What does being LGBTQIA+ mean for you at this time?

What has been difficult about being an LGBTQIA+ member of the church? What's been fulfilling?

What do you want your future to look like?

What do you believe or want to believe?

What revelation have you received, if any, about your path in life?

What's on your mind related to your sexuality or gender identity and faith?

How has being queer influenced your relationship with Christ?

How can we best support you?

Do you feel safe in our congregation? What can we do to make it safer?

Has anyone said or done anything to make you feel unwanted in the ward?

From what you've observed so far, how can we improve as a ward?

How would you like to be involved in the ward?

What callings would you feel comfortable with?

What skills would you like to use to contribute to our ward?

What else would you like me to know?

Things ward & stake leaders can do (also from the fourth option)

Pray for guidance on how to make your ward safer and more inclusive for LGBTQIA+ members (out or not)

Call LGBTQIA+ members to callings in a range of auxiliaries

Invite LGBTQIA+ members to share their experiences in fifth Sunday lessons, firesides, ward councils meetings, etc

Encourage your stake to call an LGBTQ fellowship coordinator

Speak to LGBTQIA+ members over the pulpit and in lessons (move away from the "use vs. them" mentality; show that we're part of every ward, out or not)

Include LGBTQIA+ members in discussions about ministering and and outreach

Regularly check in with us to see if anyone is making us feel unsafe

Get to know us personally

Wear a rainbow pin or similar thing to indicate that you're an ally

Speak in support of LGBTQIA+ people and help others remember that we are children of God

Ask your ward or stake to start a support group for LGBTQIA+ members, families, and allies (volunteer to help if possible)

Pray for guidance on how to best minister to LGBTQIA+ individuals in your ward

Pray for God to reveal more about His plan for His LGBTQIA+ children

Correct people when they say uninformed or hateful things

Listen to our stories, sit in our pain, celebrate our joy

Studies show that on average gay men (and I suspect this is true of queer people in general) are more creative, have higher IQ’s and higher emotional intelligence, have more compassion and are more cooperative and have less hostility. Of course someone with these qualities is going to bless the lives around them.

We have a stake group for LGBTQ members, and their family, friends and allies, which meets about every other month. For more information, contact me.

#queerstake

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queenshelby · 2 years ago

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The Fourth Season (Rewritten)

Part Two: First Day Blues

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Warning: Religious and Anti-Religious Themes, Mild Smut, Sex Scene

Previous Parts: 1;

Day One

You slowly rolled over as the alarm from your phone started to increase in volume and then you groaned as you sat up, your hair especially wild this morning.

You sat there not exactly excited to be up at this hour, but then you knew that today was the day your life would change forever.

Reaching high above yourself, you stretched, feeling the pop and creak of your bones, which was something unusual for you and probably due to the fact that your new living arrangements were somewhat strange for you still.

Just two months ago, you separated from your husband and high-school sweetheart James and moved back into your parents’ house in Cork before embarking on your new acting journey.

You were now staying in Wexford to film a movie called “Small Things Like These” and since this was your first movie role, you were rather nervous about it. Thus, you didn’t sleep well which was pretty much what happened whenever you were placed into unfamiliar surroundings and the last two nights were somewhat uneasy for you.

The fact that your ex was working on set with you did not help either. He was in charge of logistics and placed you into a small unit with two other cast members named Lorraine and Emma respectively.

Being around strangers, however, didn’t bother you and after you hopped out of bed, you started about your morning routine, bounding across the tiny apartment, putting together a bag that would be needed for the day.

‘Are you ready? And excited?’ your new roommate Emma asked and, after taking one final step in front of your mirror, you nodded.

‘As ready as I can be’ you said before you took in a deep breath and, together with Emma, you walked out the front door of your apartment which was conveniently located right next to where the film crew had set up camp.

During your short walk downstairs, Emma tried to talk to you, but you were too nervous to respond. You struggled to focus and you could not fight the urge to start humming to yourself as you reflected on things including your separation from James after a total of eight years.

***Flashback***

Two months ago, James admitted to infidelity which occurred when he was working on a set in the US and this mishap ultimately cost him his marriage.

You told him that it was over and, since he was the one with the higher income between you both, you decided to move out and leave him with the house you shared in Cork.

At the time, your parents were supportive of your decision, thinking that you simply needed a break but when they learned that you engaged a solicitor to handle your divorce, all hell broke loose.

As such, during the past two months, you were dragged through the so called “process” the church envisaged for members of your congregation and since both your families were strictly catholic, you had little but no choice than to attend numerous counselling sessions with James.

Thus, you sat down with the monsignor and a counsellor of your church on three separate occasions and every single time James repented and thought that you would forgive him for his indiscretions. According to the counsellor, it would have been the reasonable thing to do, but for you, it was not.

You told James to “go to hell” in no uncertain terms and this caused a shitstorm like you had never seen before.

Your parents were outraged by your attitude towards the church and your beloved husband and the fact that you took up a role in this upcoming movie made matters even worse for you and your family as the movie itself criticised the catholic church and their past actions.

Of course, for James to work on set and for you taking the role, were two entirely different things, which just highlighted again the double standards imposed by your kin and it were exactly those double standards you could no longer accept.

Thus, you applied to the courts for divorce and you most certainly took the role which you knew would change your career forever, seeing that this was a movie produced by two famous actors.

By this time, you had spent all your days learning and practicing your lines. You were sent your scripts and read them every day, over and over again, and soon began to realise that, what was expected of you, was much more than you had anticipated.

Amongst the dialogue and acting out different kinds of emotions, there were two intimate scenes you had to participate in and, in one of those, you would be almost completely naked. All of the scenes were with Cillian Murphy whose wife you had to portray in the movie and, unbeknownst to you, when you signed up, these scenes were scripted entirely at the discretion of the screenwriter to gain more interest from the audience.

Given your lack of sexual experience, this was something that concerned you. You had only ever been with James and your sex life had been rather vanilla to say the least. Nonetheless, you tried to get into character for the role and considered your own sexuality and femininity some more. You wasted a good eight years with your husband of being boring and unadventurous and, now, this had to change. You at least needed to learn how to flirt and be seductive and, sure enough, your best friend Siobhan, who lived in Dublin, gave you some good pointers.

The role required you to be stunning, to be open, and have the body language of a woman in control of her own emotions. This clearly wasn’t you, so you had some learning to do.

According to the script, you were the one who needed to lead at least one of the scenes now scripted and this was something you were unsure about. How, on earth, could you do this with someone like Cillian Murphy? By what you have seen of his work, he was an incredibly talented actor. He was much more experienced than you and he was also twenty years older than you and, yet, you had to lead the scene? Seriously?

***End of Flashback***

Making a quick right, you walked straight onto set with Emma. It was her first day too but, unlike you, she had worked with Cillian and some of the others before and thus was not completely overwhelmed by all the cameras and strangers.

‘Y/N, Emma, welcome’ a blonde woman by the name of Lorraine said to you and, just as you reached for her hand to shake it, the director, Tim, came flying by and pulled you aside.

‘You are early. Good’ he said before telling you that Lorraine, who happened to be Cillian’s personal assistant, would be looking after your schedule as well which, according to him, had just changed due to an equipment break down on set three.

‘Okay, right’ you panicked while Lorraine was flicking through her notes in a haste. Everyone seemed to have been stressed out that day because of the technical issues on set and Lorraine was no exception.

‘What scene is up first then? you thus enquired carefully after waiting patiently until, suddenly another man appeared and hurried you along.

‘We will start with scene four, then move to scene eleven and then, this afternoon, we will shoot scene thirty’ he told you and you were lucky that he handed you a running sheet as, otherwise, you would have gotten rather confused by now.

‘Scene thirty? Today?’ you asked with some confusion and, whilst you knew that the scenes for the movie were to be filmed out of order, this scene itself made you panic.

‘Yes. At 3 o’clock’ Tim, the director, then said before taking off again in order to deal with the camera issues on hand.

‘Dear god, they are throwing you right into the deep end, don’t they?’ Emma observed as she looked at your running sheet and saw that scene thirty was an intimate one with Cillian.

‘I am not prepared for this’ you pointed out to her anxiously especially since you have not even met your co-star yet but Emma reassured you that you would be fine.

‘No one ever is but Cillian is easy to work with. You will be fine’ Emma then reassured you, which is when Lorraine made a somewhat inappropriate joke.

‘I am sure some of the other cast members would happily trade places with you’ she teased before pulling you along and giving you a calm and relaxing stroll through the street following which you spent some more time rehearsing your lines.

An hour later…

Your first scene was with Emma herself who played one of your daughters and, even though Emma was older than you, the make-up department did a fantastic job in making you look somewhat ancient.

This scene itself was easy to film. It took less than three takes and both, the director and Cillian, who had also stepped on to set a few minutes ago, were impressed by your efforts.

“I can see that you are doing well” Cillian said as he greeted you and his demur most certainly put you at ease. He appeared to be so comfortable even if surrounded by all these cameras and this really impressed you and calmed you down.

“It was an easy scene” you told him almost shyly before the director called you both. You had literally no time to chat until you were up, filming your second scene with the man himself.

This scene was more dialogue heavy but you were convincing and passionate nonetheless and, just as you filmed the end of this particular scene, Emma still watched you quietly and smiled.

She acted like a big sister, taking you under her wing and her presence clearly calmed you down as well.

After about six takes, Tim and the others were happy with your work and praised you again. According to them, six takes for something like this was not a lot and you appreciated their kind words.

After you were done with the scene, you took a break and spent some more time with Emma, following which you were sent to the dressing rooms.

You had to get changed for your next scene, which was the rather raunchy scene between your character and Cillian’s character and, whilst there was not much dialogue in this scene, it was the scene that concerned you the most.

You were meant to lead this scene and, by this point, you had barely met the man who the scene was with. Cillian and you only exchanged a total of five sentences which, in your opinion, was not enough in order to get comfortable around him without wearing any clothes.

An hour later…

Luckily for you, you had waxed your legs and every other part of your body just two days ago and yet, when you sat down and a tall woman applied your make up, she still found a hair or two which she plugged away.

Unlike before when you were wearing somewhat ugly brown clothes for your scenes, this time around, you were sitting there in beige underwear while being assessed by the staff and, quickly, a few scars and blemishes were patched up with some foundation.

You were then given some lingerie which was raunchier than anything else you had ever worn before. It took your breath away and you felt incredibly vulnerable when you put it on. On top, you had to wear a woollen cardigan and you were also given some suspenders to put on which you knew your co-star would have to take off slowly.

‘Looks great. We are ready, I think’ the make-up artist eventually said and, out of respect for Cillian, you quickly brushed your teeth before having your lipstick topped up.

Regardless of all the preparation and your deep breathing techniques, you were out of your depth with a scene like this and, when you first walked onto the so called ‘closed’ set dressed in nothing more than a cardigan and underwear, you began to fidget a little.

You were the first one there and sat down in the area indicated for you. It was a tiny bed in the middle of a room which was said to be inside the main characters’ house. There were no windows, but several drapes which divided this part of the set from the rest of the building.

Eventually, Tim the director joined you and so did a camera man, followed by your co-star, Cillian and the crew’s intimacy co-ordinator shortly thereafter.

‘Hey’ Cillian said quietly and you could see that this was as at least a little awkward for him too. ‘Are you alright? You look nervous” he then asked while taking a seat next to you and you carefully bit your lip and stammered out a response.

‘Yes, for a matter of fact, I am nervous. This is my first day on set and I didn’t expect to film a scene like this quite so soon” you admitted while assessing your partner inadvertently as he wore nothing but a worn pair of brown trousers.

“Yeah, timing is not on your side, is it?” Cillian chuckled before apologising for the change in schedule which, you knew, he had nothing to do with, and just as you both sat there, making small talk, the director and intimacy co-coordinator came to see you both.

‘Now, this is what I need from you both’ the director began to say before explaining the scene to you.

According to Tim, it was you who had to take control while , yet, Cillian was to remove your cardigan, suspenders and bra. Tim also explained to Cillian where to place his arm so that your breasts would not be visible on camera before the intimacy co-ordinator addressed your comfortableness level with this kind of scene.

‘We know that Cillian is used to being naked on set but, to you, this is probably something new and my word of advice is to ignore the fact that we are here. You can improvise on the lines and we will shoot the scene in three steps, giving you a break in between’ Tim then furthermore explained and, with that, you nervously nodded before Cillian and you both waited for everyone to get into place.

***

Just as Tim was about to call action however, the team was interrupted as James barged on to scene, relaying yet another issue on set two.

“You cannot just barge in here. This is a closed set” the intimacy co-ordinator said somewhat angrily as James was standing there now, talking to both, Tim and Cillian, while you tried to cover up your semi naked body with the tiny cardigan you had.

“I am sure it is fine. He is her husband” Tim said, dismissing the fact that James saw you like this and you felt it be necessary to correct him.

“We are separated actually, but I am still fine” you pointed out, causing Cillian to look at you with some surprise before pulling his large jacket off the chair behind the camera and handing it to you.

“I am sorry” he then said and you were not quite sure what Cillian was apologising for, but nodded nonetheless before the three of them wrapped up their discussions.

***

After they were done and everyone was back in situ, the director outlined the scene to you once more and, after Tim indicated to the team that everyone was ready now, you took off Cillian’s jacket and placed it aside.

‘Are you alright?’ Cillian then asked and you immediately snapped out of your somewhat intrusive thoughts about how to pull this off.

‘Just nervous. Sorry’ you admitted shyly in response and Cillian smiled.

‘Like I said, there is no need to. We all dislike these kind of scenes. Just follow the directions of the crew and you will be fine. I promise’ he then reassured you and you nodded all while some sweat was building up on your forehead.

‘Okay, I will try. I am ready I think’ you then said, causing Cillian to nod and, whilst it was obvious to him that you had not done this kind of scene before, he remained calm and patient.

‘Me too’ Cillian then said, shortly after which Tim called “action” and you began your dialogue.

Cillian’s presence, however, threw you off guard completely and you needed at least three goes to even get your lines right at the beginning of the scene before you could even move on to the next part, which is where you were wrapping your arms around Cillian’s body.

You did, however, get there in the end and the director called cut. You took a breather and then commenced part two of the scene, which was also the longest and most uncomfortable part you.

‘I don’t know what to tell them. It has been fifteen years…” Cillian began to say with heavy Irish accent as part of the dialogue and you pulled him in tight.

‘You don’t tell them anything and, at least for now, forget about!” you said as you felt the bulging muscles of Cillian’s core.

“I am trying Eileen. I am trying, alright?” he asked and, just as you took in a deep breath and inhaled the fresh scent that accompanied him, you began to stammer.

‘Cut’ the director called and you quickly apologised.

‘You weren’t wrong when you said that you were nervous’ Cillian acknowledged and you wanted to responded with a snappy ‘duh’. Of course you were nervous. You were there, with a stranger, hugging his naked body.

‘I am sorry’ you told him and, just as the director gave you both another quick break, Cillian had a chat with you about the scene.

‘Take a deep breath and try to think about being somewhere else, with someone else. A park maybe, with someone you are attracted to…’ Cillian began to say before giving you some pointers on how to feel comfortable, naked, in front of the camera. But what he didn’t know was that the cameras weren’t what threw you off. It was him. You felt some strange kind of attraction towards this man all of a sudden and even though he was twenty years older than you. What he also did not know was that he was only the second man who had ever seen you like this and you knew that, within minutes, he would be taking off your cardigan, unclasping your bra and kiss you. This, too, was new for you and you began to panic.

‘A park? You want me to imagine being naked in a park, kissing someone I am attracted to?’ you then eventually asked him and laughed to cover up your nervousness and this, too, made Cillian laugh as well.

‘Okay, maybe a park was a bad example. Maybe your house. Your bedroom. Somewhere else, where you would usually have some privacy’ Cillian chuckled and you momentarily closed your eyes and tried.

‘Okay. Let’s do this’ you then said again and Cillian nodded before giving Tim the go ahead.

‘Okay then’ he confirmed and, after about three goes, you managed to say your lines and found yourself in Cillian’s embrace.

Just as the script demanded, Cillian then slid the cardigan off your shoulders and it landed on the floor while you tried to push him on to the bed. He let you, but each time you tried to be dominant, it looked awkward and, eventually, Tim called cut again, for the tenth’s time.

‘Okay, this is not going to work. Let’s move on and revisit this part later. Maybe we can even cut that part out. Let’s see what we get’ he then said before directing you to both get on to the bed which is where he would pick up on the scene.

You felt a little deflated but, just as you were supposed to do, you climbed on top of Cillian’s half naked body and he sat up and caressed your back.

You tried your best not to make contact with his intimate region as you rocked back and forth, allowing your clothed breasts to move against his body while caressing his face until, finally, he kissed you and you began to crumble again.

The nervousness inside your bones was evident to the director and so was the fact that, contrary to the script, you did not take the lead. You were unable to take the lead and Cillian realised that you were getting rather uncomfortable.

‘I am so sorry’ you said to Cillian who was nothing but professional and polite despite the fact that, no doubt, he didn’t really want to kiss you over and over again. By this point, you were up to take eight. Eight kisses and you simply couldn’t get it right.

You looked shy, afraid and nervous and Cillian was quick to hand you his jacket again as the scene was called off once more.

‘Don’t be sorry, alright!’ Cillian said. ‘It is your first day and a scene like this, on your first, is pretty harsh’ Cillian said before telling you about his embarrassing scene in a movie called 28 Days Later.

‘That is very reassuring, but I feel like a failure right now’ you said and there was something endearing about how he was so polite, yet his voice shook your core.

‘You are not. I have seen your stage work, Y/N. It was the best I have seen a very long time and this is exactly why I wanted you for this role” Cillian said and, after yet another break, the director picked up on the scene again and, this time around, gave you slightly different instructions.

As before, you tried to follow them and, this time around, you finally managed to get some of the scene right, including a close-up kiss with Cillian.

But then, the next part of this scene involved much more and when the director and the camera man gave Cillian instructions again on how to move and how to remove your bra so that your bare breasts were not visible on screen, your nervousness returned.

This man was about to take off part of your underwear. Your bare breasts were going to be visible to him and, the worst of it all, was that there was actual skin to skin contact between you. Bare chested and semi-naked, you had to pretend to have sex. You had to moan and pull his hair while he had to pretend to bite your neck. It was a raunchy scene and, after it took you one hour already to get a twenty second kiss and some mild physical interaction on camera, you didn’t know how long it would take you to get a scene like this wrapped up.

You did one take, then another, then a third and, eventually, during your fourth take your bra finally came off and the embarrassment and shame was written all over your face.

You tried again, and again and again but between that, the moaning and hairpulling, it soon became too much for you and Cillian put a stop to it. The scene was not going to get done today and you knew that this was your fault.

You felt deflated and thought that, perhaps, you were not meant to be an actress after all. Perhaps they should have casted someone older or someone with more experience.

You did not even know why you reacted like this in the first place. Why was this so god damn difficult? Was it because of your lack of experience or was it because you felt somewhat flustered in Cillian’s presence? The fact that you thought that he was incredibly attractive did not help you. It made it so much worse and you felt like a little school girl who was too afraid to steal a candy bar from the school cafeteria for the fear of getting caught by the principal.

Of course, no one should ever do that and you thought that this was the most ridiculous analogy you could ever think of but, in the end, you could not come up with anything else.

When you filmed this scene (or at least tried to film this scene) your body was waking up to the idea of having another man pressed against your body for which you did not have much experience at your age. But Cillian did, and tried to guide you, with his arms pulling you and manoeuvring you like a delicate doll. And yet, his efforts were futile as your actions did not translate to the dominance your character was meant to portray.

It was a disaster and the director was not exactly impressed by how the filming day ended and neither were you.

***

Later that day, back at the small unit which you shared with Emma, you sat down and rehearsed your scenes for Day Two. You had two scenes with Cillian and, luckily for you, neither of them were intimate ones. Despite this, you knew that you had to pick up your game but Emma believed that you were doing much better than you had thought.

‘Listen, your scenes are great. Sex scenes are awkward and after having worked with Cillian in the past I can tell you that he will not be annoyed or frustrated with you. He is one of the producers of this movie and probably called off the scene to do you a favour. He is a nice and caring guy and is very professional even though, sometimes, he acts like a twelve year old child’ Emma laughed after you told her in great detail about what happened that day and what you thought that Cillian might think about you now, causing you to panic about tomorrow’s schedule scenes with him.

‘He seems nice. But still. I failed. Miserably’ you said but Emma shook her head and pulled you off your seat.

‘What are you doing?’ you wanted know and all she had told you was that you had to come with her.

“We are going for a quick drive” she announced and you didn’t dare to question her.

***

Fifteen minutes later, you eventually arrived at a small cottage outside Wexford and got out of Emma’s car.

As you stood there, wondering what was going on, Emma began to knock on the door and, after about a minute, you were surprised when Cillian opened it, seeing that this was his rather secluded accommodation for the duration of the show.

‘Hey’ Cillian said before smiling and furrowing his eyebrows all at the same time.

‘Do you want to come in?’ he then asked politely as Emma already marched through the door and you were still standing there, frozen to the spot.

‘Uhm, yeah. Sure. Thanks’ you stammered as, in his pyjamas, he was a little less intimidating than being half naked.

‘To what do I owe the pleasure?’ Cillian then joked, seeing that, clearly, Emma was not there, at the cottage, just for fun and, when she asked him for a quick chat about today, you began to get a little nervous again.

‘A chat? Sure’ he said. ‘Can I offer you a drink?’ he then asked with a smile. His demur was generally friendly and down to earth.

‘What do you have?’ Emma asked cheekily while looking through his fridge.

‘Guinness or tap water. I am out of wine’ he laughed, causing Emma to roll her eyes.

‘Tap water’ she chuckled and Cillian’s look turned to you.

‘I don’t drink alcohol, so water please’ you told him and he went to pour you and Emma a glass of water with some ice.

‘You don’t drink? At all?’ Cillian then asked surprised and you nodded while he handed you the glass.

‘So?’ Cillian then asked, waiting for Emma to fill him in and, when she asked Cillian to tell you the story about their first ever intimate scene together on stage, he began to laugh.

‘Fuck, really?’ Cillian chuckled before realising why Emma wanted him to spill the beans on his little mishap. What happened today was clearly embarrassing for you and Emma wanted you to realise that it was not as uncommon as you thought.

With that in mind, Cillian did, indeed, tell you what happened and, according to him, the stage production had to be called off for three days because he inadvertently broke Emma’s nose.

‘How?’ you wanted to know, causing Cillian to shake his head. He could laugh about it now and so could Emma but, back then, more than ten years ago, he was petrified.

‘We rehearsed a scene on stage and it took about ten takes. It was not as intense as the scene we filmed today but it was a difficult one for us both. Then, when Enda finally called cut, I got up, leaning against one of the props and it slipped. My forehead went straight down and I hit Emma’s nose, breaking it’ Cillian explained reluctantly and you gasped.

‘Yeah, I was naked and covered in blood while Cillian almost fainted’ Emma laughed, causing Cillian to roll his eyes.

‘I did not almost faint’ he ought to clarify but Emma continued to tease him.

‘You so did. You turned pale and got all dizzy’ she said, causing even you to laugh.

‘Right, so today wasn’t so bad after all then?’ you acknowledged and both Emma and Cillian shook their heads.

‘Honestly? This scene should never have been scheduled for today. It was your first day on set and I spoke to Tim about it. We will just give it another crack in a few weeks or scrap it’ Cillian said and you appreciated his words.

‘I don’t want to scrap the scene. Clearly, you think that it is important’ you then said but Cillian laughed.

‘It is not that important. The production company wanted some sex and nudity, that’s all it is’ Cillian acknowledged.

‘Aren’t they getting to see your naked butt in the first twenty minutes? Isn’t that enough’ Emma then teased, causing you both to laugh.

‘Apparently not’ Cillian told her and, just after you had a little laugh yourself, you asked them both how they ever manage to film scenes likes this, namely raunchy intimate scenes.

‘Cillian? You’ve done a few more than me. Tell her about them’ Emma went on to say but Cillian simply laughed again.

‘What works for me will not necessarily work for you. I honestly just try to switch off and focus on my lines and the directions given to me’ he explained while shrugging his shoulders.

‘Great. I did try that and, quite evidently, it did not work’ you told him.

‘It might after we have some more scenes together. Like I said, I think that it was a mistake having a scene like this scheduled for the first day on set even if it was scheduled that way simply due to the mechanical breakdown on set three. You’ll be fine and we can talk through the scene beforehand if you like’ Cillian suggested and you nodded nervously.

‘That’s true. You will get to know each other first before you have to make out again. That always helps’ Emma chuckled, causing Cillian to cock an eyebrow.

‘Your comment is not very helpful Emma. Making out? Really? This is art, work, or whatever you want to call it. But it is not making out’ Cillian laughed, trying to cheer you up and you sure had a quick chuckle yourself when he commented on Emma’s suggestion.

‘Well, I tell you what I do Y/N and no offense to you Cillian, but when I film a scene like this I think about the man in my life and just switch off. So, if you have a boyfriend, think about him. That might help with the comfort level’ Emma explained causing Cillian’s eyes to widen.

‘I do not. I am single. Happily so. I only just separated from my husband’ you said and Cillian couldn’t help but comment again.

‘Yeah, about that…” he said with some concern before carrying on. “How will you go working with him on set? He is our logistics manager and Tim is rather concerned about you having separated from each other” Cillian pointed out seeing that it was him who convinced Tim to cast you in the first place and in spite of the fact that you were married to someone else employed by the production company.

“Honestly? I hate his guts! But I am professional enough to put my personal life aside and concentrate on my work, so don’t worry. I will just be fine” you told him, hoping that James would be able to do the same.

To be continued…

Please comment and engage. I love getting comments and predictions pretty please!

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#cillian murphy #cillian murphy fanfic #cillian murphy x reader #cillian murphy fanfiction #cillian murphy x y/n #cillian murphy imagine #cillian murphy x you #cillian murphy smut #small things like these

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daily-calls-and-letters · 3 months ago

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UT HB 250

I’m feeling discouraged today, folks. Utah legislators have a special hatred for trans kids. Year after year they’ve gone out of their way to make sure trans kids in Utah—the few out ones there are!—know they are not welcome here. HB 250 passed the house and was introduced into the senate yesterday, so here’s an email I sent to my state senator. It’s a long one today.

find your state reps here. detailed instructions here.

Dear [your senator’s name],

I hope you’re having a good week! I’m writing about HB 250, which just passed the house and got introduced into the senate yesterday. This bill would prevent local school districts from disciplining employees who refuse to use a student’s preferred name, pronouns, or other gender-specific language. It also requires that there be religious exemptions in any policy requiring the use of preferred names, pronouns, or other gender-specific language.

I’m concerned about this bill for a variety of reasons. Using someone’s preferred name and pronouns isn’t a matter of religious belief; it’s a matter of common decency. Anyone working in Utah’s schools should be equipped to respect differences of belief, including—especially—something as personal as a name or pronouns. Imagine if I had a student named Moroni in my class, but because I’m not a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I insisted on calling the student Bob. Or if I decided that because all embryos have XX chromosomes at the time of fertilization, I should refer to all my students with she/her pronouns. These aren’t perfect analogs, but they help reveal the dangers of removing consequences for disrespectful behavior toward students in schools.

Not only does the bill provide way too many loopholes for disrespectful behavior disguised as religious freedom, it also targets a small and vulnerable population of Utah. There aren’t many out trans kids in Utah, not because they don’t exist, but because as it stands, they do not have a welcoming and supportive environment into which to come out. Coming out as trans isn’t something someone does for fun or because of a trend. It is difficult and almost always results in bullying or discrimination. This bill only reinforces that trans children should stay silent and pretend to be someone they’re not. It sends the message that Utah doesn’t care about protecting its most vulnerable.

Regardless of whether or not you think trans people should exist, they do. Regardless of whether or not you think they should receive hormone treatment or psychotherapy, if they’re truly a different gender or merely confused, trans kids should be treated with respect, including using their preferred name and pronouns. It’s quite literally the least we can do. It’s normal for children to try on different identities, and it’s vital to allow them the freedom to figure out who they are safely.

I’ve hesitated in sending this email. I know it will likely be dismissed without a second thought. But I’d ask you to please consider the impact of constant disrespect on Utah’s youth. It takes an enormous toll on Utah’s trans kids, and it teaches other children that they do not need to be respectful of differences. It’s a really bad example for our kids, regardless of gender identity. I hope you’ll reconsider HB 250 and ask your fellow senators to do the same.

Best,

[Your name and zip code]

#Utah #Utah politics #protect trans kids #Utah trans kids #daily calls and letters #utah daily calls and letters #trans Utahns

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starsreminisce · 2 years ago

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Gwyn and Azriel are perfect for each other. They embody the classic grumpy x sunshine, which is a recipe for a great friends-to-lovers story.

If Elain represented Azriel's dawn breaking him free from unrequited love for Mor, Gwyn is his sun – a self-sustained source of light that his shadows doesn't fear.

Since SJM doesn't read theories, the likelihood of Azris becoming canon is low (but not impossible). Nonetheless, it won't deter me and other devout members of the Azris church from analyzing every Azris encounter as sexual tension.

One of the most endearing aspects of Gwynriel is their ability to provide a safe space for each other, making it an ideal foundation for their romance. They help each other heal, with Gwyn having seen Azriel at his absolute worst without any discomfort in his presence.

Interestingly, Cassian, known for his easygoing nature, initially made Gwyn apprehensive during her training. If Azriel truly bothered her, she would have avoided him or quit the Valkyries. However, their interactions, carefully crafted by the author, suggest otherwise.

Through Gwyn, Azriel begins to accept the parts of himself he dislikes. Gwyn appreciates his scarred hands, learns to master his lethal gaze, and handles his usual cold demeanor without issue.

Conversely, when Azriel is with Gwyn, he becomes more expressive, talks more, smiles more, and seems to forget about his insecurities. Their comfort with each other is evident, contrasting with his interactions with Elain. Gwyn also takes a genuine interest in his activities, including her initiative to start the Valkyries and learning to handle daggers.

Azriel, in turn, acknowledges and admires Gwyn's strength. He has the potential to help her grow further, potentially taking on a protective role as she ventures beyond the library, given her recent participation in a blood rite.

Gwyn's reluctance to engage in intimacy stems from her need to feel safe, and Azriel's patience and understanding make him the right person for her. He knows when to push and when to pull back.

Gwyn possesses qualities that combine Mor's positivity and Elain's perceived introversion, aligning well with Azriel's personality. He could protect her during challenging moments and offer guidance, knowing she can also defend herself thanks to his teaching.

Their competitive streak adds a playful dynamic to their relationship, evident even in the events of SF. This playfulness could help Azriel become more relaxed.

Indeed, the contrast between their public personas and their private interactions adds depth to their relationship. It's fascinating to see how they each reveal different facets of themselves when they are together.

This dynamic promises to provide a fresh perspective on emotional healing, as it involves a female character playing a pivotal role in helping the male character confront and overcome his trauma. It underscores the idea that healing is not limited by gender roles and that support and understanding can come from unexpected sources. Gwyn's ability to aid Azriel in accepting and moving on from his past traumas is a compelling aspect of their relationship that adds depth to their story.

#pro gwynriel #azriel x gwyn #gwynriel

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hotvintagepoll · 1 year ago

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Propaganda

Machiko Kyō (Rashomon, Floating Weeds, Older Brother Younger Sister)— Considered an early sex symbol in Japanese cinema. Also just an ethereal beauty who can also go feral/unhinged in a glorious way.

Judy Garland (Meet Me In St. Louis, A Star is Born, Summer Stock)— Judy is the GOAT when it comes to classic movie musicals. The voice of an angel who deserved so much better than she got. She can sing she can dance she can act she's a triple threat. Though she had a turbulent personal life (her treatment as a child star by the studio system makes me mad as hell like Louis b Mayer fight me ((she was made to believe that she was physically unattractive by the constant criticism of film executives who made her feel ugly and who manipulated her onscreen appearance by capping her teeth and using discs in her nose to change its shape and Mayer called her "my little hunchback" like imagine hearing that as a child and not having damage)) she always goddamn delivered on screen and in any performance she gave. She began in vaudeville performing with her sisters and was signed to MGM at 13. Starting out in supporting parts especially paired with mickey Rooney in a bunch of films (she's the best part tbh) she eventually transferred to the lead role. She is best known for her starring role in movie musicals like the iconic Wizard of Oz (somewhere over the rainbow still hits hard and is ranked the top film song of all time), meet me in St. Louis (Judy singing have your self a merry little Christmas brings tears to the eyes she is that powerful), the Harvey girls (she looks like a technicolor dream and sings a catchy af song about trains), Easter parade ( dancing and singing with Fred Astaire), for me and my gal, the pirate, and summer stock ( with pal Gene Kelly who she helped when he was starting out and he helped her when she was struggling). But she also does non- singing just as well like the clock ( her first movie where she sings no songs and is an underrated ww2 era romance), her Oscar nominated a star is born ( like the man that got away she put her whole soul in that and I have beef with the fact she lost to grace kelly ((whom I love but like still not even her best work)), and judgement at Nuremberg (a courtroom drama about the nazi war criminal trials). Outside of film she made concert appearances to record-breaking audiences, released 8 studio albums, and had her own Emmy-nominated tv series. She was the youngest (39) and first female recipient of the Cecil B DeMille award for lifetime achievement in the film industry. Girl was a lifelong democrat and was a financial and moral supporter of many causes including the civil rights movement (she was at the March on Washington and held a press conference to protest the 16th street Baptist church bombings). She was a friend of the Kennedy family and would call jfk weekly often ending the calls by singing the first few lines of somewhere over the rainbow (she thought of them as Gemini twins).She was a member of the committee for the first amendment which was formed in response to the HUAC investigations. Though she died far too young and tragically she remains an icon for her work and her life. As a girl who didn't feel like i was as pretty as everyone else I have always felt a connection to Judy and I just really love her.

This is round 3 of the tournament. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. Please reblog with further support of your beloved hot sexy vintage woman.

[additional propaganda submitted under the cut.]

Machiko Kyō:

Judy:

Judy's voice alone qualifies her for at least top ten hottest HOT VINTAGE MOVIE WOMEN. She was a truly incredible swing singer, with a stunning voice on top of her technique. Her short dark hair looked incredible in just about any style. Have I mentioned her swagger? I can’t do it justice with words. She had swagger. She was funny as hell, and clever too. Incredibly charming and cool. I adore her.

Her eyes, her voice have bewitched me

I mean how can you beat the one and only Judy? She's beautiful, her smile is contagious, the way she sings with her whole body. You can't help but love her.

youtube

Beautiful woman, love her singing voice. And she can do everything between happy or silly and angry or heartbroken

#judy garland #machiko kyō #hotvintagepoll #fuck that old woman #ladies 3

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miela · 2 years ago

Note

Could you do Tom holland x fem!reader

You were invited to wedding. Just walk around in church, lots of people and you bump into someone that hold your waist, you look up that you never knew who it was. You might be apologizing. He would love to seat with you. Then after that go to reception that you two talks to each other. *fluffiness*

(Hope you will write it,thanks and have a good day)

THIS IS SO CUTE HOLD ON-

I hope you like this! I enjoyed writing this a lot! Thank you so much for this request!

Beautiful Stranger

Pairing: Tom Holland x Stunt Double!Reader Genre: Fluff Warnings: Insecurity (Maybe???) Extra: Song inspiration is "Finally // Beautiful Stranger" - Halsey Word Count: 3.8k

↪ divider by firefly-graphics

You’ve been to plenty of weddings and each one of them has been bittersweet. You loved weddings, truly, but they reminded you of the fears and doubts that you had about yourself. You were never considered conventionally attractive and never really dated anyone because of it, whether it was because you were everybody’s last choice or you were afraid of getting too close to someone and they saw you how you saw yourself. On top of that, you have seen so many marriages fail so badly, including the one with your family members. You just couldn’t understand why you would put yourself in such a stressful situation like that.

So when your friends daydreamed about love, you daydreamed about your future plans instead.

You knew you wanted to be in the entertainment industry, despite the shit show it is. But you couldn’t help but love the art of cinema and movie making. You grew up loving action and adventure movies and wanted to be a part of that. You didn’t get much support from your family and it killed your dream for a little while, but after seeing videos online and watching the MCU and other action-filled movies, you couldn’t help but feel that you were meant for this. So you trained yourself to do stunts, dance, and martial arts so you could be a stunt double. Once you made your big break there. You found yourself happier than ever.

Through this job, you found one of your greatest friends, who was also a stunt double. Since you both looked similar you were often paired to be in action movies together. If one of you landed a job, the other usually followed. It worked out well because you both get along so well. You guys were a dynamic duo and your pair nickname was the Dynamite Doubles in the industry.

She often told you that you should try acting because of how into the character you get sometimes, but you told her that you didn’t want to because of how shy you were about it. You didn’t think you could actually do certain things in a film and not mess it up and accidentally break character. Also, you didn’t want that kind of fame. The most you could do is probably just be an extra in the background.

One day, she told you that she was seeing someone. When you met them you could tell they really loved each other and that they were meant to be. This person was also a stunt double so you knew who they were by face. They were so adorable together and honestly, it warmed your heart to see them so happy together (even if it made you feel lonely sometimes).

And that’s how you ended up here. At their wedding.

It was beautiful and sweet. You would’ve been a bride’s maid but she had so many sisters who easily filled the role, so you really just became the assistant to the Maid of Honor who was her eldest sister. You didn’t mind not being part of the bridal party officially, you really didn’t want any attention on you whatsoever.

When you arrived at the church, you went to your friend, wished her luck, and then went to go find your place in the pews. When you entered, there were already so many people there and it made you kind of nervous to be walking around without someone, but you could manage. Once you sat down you would feel better and much more relaxed. You seem to have been too excited to plant yourself in a chair because you forgot to pay attention to your surroundings. You tripped over someone’s foot and fell very quickly toward the edge of the seats. But before you could crack the bridge of your nose on the pew, a strong arm gripped around your waist to stop you from the catastrophic event that would’ve happened.

You stared with wide narrowed eyes at the seat edging as your heart raced in your chest. Your entire body was tense and cold from shock.

Way to avoid bringing attention to yourself.

Before you could process anything the strong arm pulled you up and helped you to stand up straight on your feet. Once you caught your composure a moment later you looked up at the face of the one who saved you.

“Careful there, darling,” the most beautiful sound came from his lips as they were filled with concern. “You alright?”

Your eyes shifted rapidly from embarrassment at all the eyes on you and your face burned. You nodded in response.

“Thank you,” You replied sheepishly. “I’m sorry.”

His arm slowly moved from your waist once he realized your composure was back.

“There’s no need to apologize. It was my fault for not paying attention to where I was going. I should be the one apologizing. I’m sorry.”

You smiled and nodded still not meeting his gaze. “It’s okay, I should’ve paid attention to where I was walking as well.” You rubbed your arm nervously and were still rather embarrassed as all hell. “I should go to my seat. Enjoy the wedding.”

And with that, you went and sat down with a deep sigh and full of embarrassment.

The wedding itself was beautiful and heartfelt and sweet and now it was time for the after-party celebration. You sat down at the table with a few of your friend’s cousins that you had met before and you sat silently as you observed the conversation. Once you were able to you went up to your friend and their new spouse and congratulated them with hugs and smiles. Then it was time for food.

As you were getting your food, you bumped into someone and a hand quickly grabbed your waist catching you from stumbling before you and your food could fly all over the place.

“Excuse me, love.” It was that voice again.

You hummed, more like squeaked, in response and quickly made your way back to the table to eat your food. After a while, your friend came over wearing something more comfortable and dance-worthy than her original wedding dress and sat down next to you.

“I’ve heard you’ve been swept off your feet twice today,” She teased.

You rolled your eyes with a smirk. “By myself. It’s not like I was carried away after saying my vows and tying the knot. It was more of an im-so-clumsy-for-a-stunt-double kind of deal.”

She laughed. “You have no idea who kept saving you do you?”

“Hm?” you asked in response. “I mean, no, I was too busy being embarrassed to hell by myself to get a good look at him. I just know he’s British.”

“I swear you are so oblivious of your surroundings sometimes,” She giggled. “But don’t worry, I got you. Wanna come dance with us?”

“I will in a bit,” you smiled. “I wanna let my food settle a little more. Plus you have to dance with your significant other.”

“Okay,” she smiled. “You better come dance, (Y/N) or I’ll drag you onto the dance floor.”

You laughed. “I will, I will.”

And with that, she got up and joined everyone else on the dance floor doing different line dances and other wedding song favorites. You watched everyone for a bit before deciding the scroll on your phone aimlessly checking social media. You were so engrossed in your phone that you didn’t realize when someone sat next to you.

“Hello,” the voice said sheepishly.”

You gasped softly and looked over at the figure, your heart racing again.

He blushed. “Sorry…I keep disrupting your flow today.”

You finally got a good look at the face of the person who saved you twice today. You had to question if the universe was messing with you or not.

It was Tom Holland.

To say you were a fan was a bit of an understatement. You watched all of his movies, shows, and interviews and you loved his craft of acting. Uncharted is a comfort movie for you and you watch it all the time and he is your favorite Spiderman. Not only that, you admired the fact that he does his own stunts and that he has a background in dance and gymnastics. One of your dreams was to one day be able to work on the same set as him. So him approaching you and sitting next to you at your best friend’s wedding sounds like a scene in a rom-com or some sick joke being played on by some higher power.

You understood what your friend meant now.

“H-hello-” you stuttered out feeling a bit, starstruck for a moment.

“Hi,” He smiled. You couldn’t believe you were seeing his charming smile in person. “Oh…I said that already.”

You giggle softly and set your phone down.

“I’m Tom,” He continued.

“I know,” you blurted before mentally smacking yourself. “I mean…I’m (Y/N).”

“I know,” he smiled with a light chuckle. “Nice to meet you.”

“It’s nice to meet you too.”

He was wearing a black suit with a white button-up shirt under it. His curls were slicked back and his skin was glowing. Or that could be your starstruck moment going on in your mind, you couldn’t tell.

“I noticed you sitting over here all alone and wanted to ask you if you were okay,” he explained.

“I’m okay,” You smiled back, trying to calm your nerves. “I’m usually a wallflower at weddings. I like observing the fun more than getting lost in it.”

“Really?” He asked but it came out more like a statement. “You don’t like to dance?”

“Oh, I love dancing,” you replied. “I just…never really have anyone to dance with.”

There was a quick moment of silence before he spoke again.

“Would you like to dance…with me?”

Your eyes widened. “Um…” and before you could think of an answer, your mouth spoke for you. “...Sure!”

Next thing you knew, you were on the dancefloor with none other than Tom Holland. You wanted to pinch yourself to make sure that you weren’t dreaming this, but it felt so vivid at the same time. You figured that if it’s a dream you may as well have fun with it.

You knew Tom was a sweet guy, all you ever heard was good things about him from other people who had worked with him, so if you felt uncomfortable with something you knew he would understand. That eased your mind a little as you awkwardly danced with him. The tension was thick but not enough to freak you guys out. When you got a little bit more comfortable with each other's presence, you began to move more fluidly. After a couple of fun songs, another line dance song came on which made it even easier to get comfortable with each other.

But then a slow song came on and everyone grabbed their pairs, minus the children who all opted to find a place to grab more food and treats, and teenagers who opted to sit at the table and be on their phones. You and Tom really only had each other as options if you wanted to slow dance. So when he looked at you lifted his eyebrows in question, you smiled and nodded.

“May I have this dance?” He asked holding his hand out and bowing.

“You may, you giggled and softly placed your hand in his.

You both walked further into the dance floor and when you found a comfortable spot, you put your hands on his shoulders and he put his on your waist sheepishly. You realized how close you were to him now and it made your face burn. You had never danced with someone like this before and it just now occurred to you how close you were. You went to homecoming years ago but you went with a group of friends and you sat down when slow songs came on, You skipped out on prom because there was no way you were gonna spend so much money just to not have a date. It made you realize how inexperienced you were when it came to these things, and it reminded you how inexperienced you are with a lot of things when it came to romance.

Your first dance ever is with Tom.

You looked up at him meeting the gaze of his soft, dark eyes and your face burned more at the eye contact. You needed to divert your overthinking and quickly before your timid nature took over and you ran off like a deer.

“So, what brings you to the wedding?” you asked.

“I’m mates with the groom,” he responded.

“Oh!” You chimed. “I had no idea that you knew him, but then again I never really asked.”

“We worked on Civil War together. He was a stunt double on there.”

That’s right! You had forgotten all about that.

“Oh, lucky him.” You giggled. “I always wanted to double in a Marvel movie.”

“You haven’t?”

“Nope,” you shook your head looking at your hand on his shoulder for a moment. “But one day, hopefully.”

“I think you’ll do great,” He smiled causing you to look up at his gaze again. “I’ve seen a lot of the stuff you stunted for.”

“Really?” Your eyes beamed.

“Absolutely,” He responded with a smile. “I’ve also seen your videos on YouTube.”

Oh.

Not only did you work on films and movies but you also made your own short films on YouTube of different fight scenes to show off your skills and also as a portfolio for jobs. You also posted dance videos from the dance studio that you worked with.

And he’s seen them.

“Your craft is very unique,” he continued.

“Thank you,” you smiled. “I’m very proud of it.”

You moved your hands to clasp together at the back of his neck so your arms could rest more comfortably as you two swayed.

“I am a fan of your work too,” you said to him. “I watch Uncharted like every week.”

He chuckled softly. “You like it that much?”

“I do! I grew up reading and watching things with pirates in it and also watching Indiana Jones. Uncharted is like a mix of both but contemporary. So I hold it close to my heart. I also want to play the games but I’m so busy usually.”

He kept a small smile on his face as you spoke.

“I’m glad you enjoyed it so much.”

A simple silence fell between you guys as you listened to the song play and tried your best to not make the situation awkward by your lack of knowledge on any of this. In all honesty, you wanted to run but at the same time, you didn’t, both for obvious reasons. It brought up a thought to your brain that made you giggle softly.

“What is it?” Tom asked curiously with a wonderous look on his face.

“Nothing,” you replied with a smile.

“Nothing, eh?” He asked with a mischievous look in his eye. “That doesn’t sound like nothing.”

“It’s Nothing,” you sang.

“Hmmm,” He hummed in doubt. “Alright, fine. Don’t tell me.” He turned his head looked away dramatically and playfully.

You let out a laugh. “You really wanna know?”

“I mean you don’t have to tell me,” he smirked.

“If you wanna know, I can tell you.”

“Well, if you insist, darling.”

Your face burned at the pet name and mentally scolded yourself to keep your composure.

“I had a thought,” you began.”

“You had a thought,” he repeated.

“A memory, if you will.”

“A memory,” he said the octave of his voice raising.

“Mhm,” you nodded and smirked mischievously.

He squinted his eyes at you curiously.

“I remember an interview you had,” You began. “Where you talked about dancing with Madonna and you freaked out and walked away.”

He winced and groaned at the memory and you giggled softly.

“Not my most shining moment I will admit,” he said with a strained voice but a smile on his face. “What brought that on? Are you afraid I’m going to run away from you?”

“No,” you shook your head. “I just… never mind.”

He hummed again. “Do you want to run away from me?”

Your eyes widened. “N-no…! Of course not! I just…when I try something new…especially with someone else…I get nervous an my first instinct is to run for the hills. It’s nothing personal, I promise.”

He thought on your words for a moment and then looked at you questioningly. “I’m not sure I quite follow.”

“I…never danced with someone before.”

He looked at you with a look of surprise on his face. “Really? Why is that?”

You shrugged. “No one really wanted to dance with me.”

“Well, they’re all a bit daft. I don’t understand why anyone wouldn’t want to dance with you.”

Your mind couldn’t process what you were hearing right now. His words looped and echoed in your mind as you looked up at him searching for an explanation of his words. Surely he wasn’t flirting…was he? Were you just being delusional? Probably. Someone like him couldn’t possibly find someone like you attractive. Hell, even your friend looked like a better version of you…a more conventional version of you. That’s why she was here getting married. You weren’t anything special, you were just…you.

“What are you thinking about?” He asked pulling you from your thoughts.

You shook your head and looked down avoiding his gaze.

“I’m sorry if I’m making you uncomfortable…”

“You’re not, no, it’s not you…you’re perfect.”

Your eyes widened at your comment and you slowly looked up at him to see a blush dancing across his nose and cheeks. “You’re sweet, darling.”

You smile in response but stay silent as you listen to the rest of the song.

Beautiful stranger, here you are in my arms and I know

That beautiful strangers only come along to do me wrong

And I hope

Beautiful stranger, here you are in my arms

But I think it's finally, finally, finally, finally, finally safe

For me to fall

After the slow dance, you and Tom went your separate ways due to you both being summoned by different people. The rest of the reception you had Tom on your mind, as anyone would. Even though you were a nervous wreck and you swore you had sweat marks on the pits of your dress, you very much enjoyed yourself. You smiled to yourself several times throughout the rest of the party.

Your friend and her man left for their honeymoon as you all threw confetti at them and you were getting ready to leave out the door after. You started walking to your car when you heard fast and loud footsteps heading your way.

“(Y/N)!”

You stopped and turned to see Tom jogging toward you.

“Tom…!” You said with wide eyes as he stopped in front of you slightly out of breath.

“Hey,” He greeted. “You shouldn’t walk alone. It’s dark out here.”

You went to protest but decided against it. “You’re right.”

“Can I walk you? Even If I have to stop at a distance and make sure you get in your car safely.”

You thought about it for a moment and then nodded with a small smile. He returned the smile and you both began walking at a slow pace. The wind blew softly but it was enough for the cold to kiss your skin. You shivered and rubbed your bare arms. You knew you should’ve brought a jacket but it was so warm earlier you didn’t think it would get this cold.

You heard a shuffle and then felt fabric drape over your shoulders and instant warmth engulfing you. You processed that Tom had put his suit jacket around you and you looked up at him wonderously. His white button-up shirt was clinging to his muscles and it made your face burn enough to were the cold air felt good rather than rigid.

“Don’t worry about me,” He smiled. “I’m rather warm right now.”

“Thank you,” you replied.

“No worries.”

A moment of silence fell between you guys before he spoke up again.

“So…um I was wondering, if I could have your number, maybe?” He asked his voice a little strained.

You looked at him surprised and your emotional defense walls instantly reacted and went up.

“Ah,” You pressed your lips together and spoke with a playful tone. “So that’s the real reason you’re here.”

“No. Well, yes and no,” He started. “I really do want to make sure you get to your car safely, but I wanted to ask for your number much earlier…since we first ran into each other.” You stopped walking and he followed suit. “I know we barely know each other but I would like to get to know you more.”

You blinked rapidly. “But...why?”

He was taken aback a bit as you kept looking at him with your walls still built up high.

“Well,” he began nervously. “I find you…charming.” Your eyes widened as he continued. “I’ve been interested for a while…but I had no way of knowing how to connect with you without it seeming weird.”

“Really?”

“Yes. I am kind of a fan of yours too. Like I said before, I watch your videos on YouTube. And when I found out you were my mate’s girlfriend’s best friend I got a little excited about it. So when we kept running into each other today, I took it as a sign to make a move.”

Your face softened in response and your face burned once again as you looked down.

“So this is me, making my move,” he continued. “If you’ll have me.”

His words resonated with you. You never thought of yourself as anything like that so it was strange hearing it from him. It’s not like you hated yourself. Quite the opposite actually. You loved how you looked and how you were as a person. You worked hard on yourself to make sure that you had confidence in yourself and were happy with yourself. You were afraid that the rest of the world wouldn’t see that.

You look up at him with a smile, deciding to take a chance. “Okay.”

He smiled and sighed in relief. A Moment later you, both traded numbers and he walked you the rest of the way to your car and opened the door for you. You gave him back his Jacket and you looked at each other.

“Please, let me know when you get home.”

“I will,” you respond.

He smiled in response. “Goodnight, darling.”

“Goodnight, Tom.”

With that, he closed the door to your car and stood there until you drove off safely. Through your mirror, you could see him visibly cheering to himself and it made you giggle and your heart fill with warmth.

#tom holland #tom holland fic #tom holland x reader #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x you #tom holland fluff #tom hollander #request

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noelcollection · 1 year ago

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An American Voice

Since the events of 2020, we have attempted to be more active and reach out to LSU Shreveport campus. This action of outreach is meant to help student, faculty, and campus personnel be aware of a rare and unique resource that is available to them, and any visiting persons to the campus. We have just started our 2024 J.S. Noel Collection Pop-up Exhibits, we aim to highlight a vary small section of the James Smith Noel Collection that might interest various research. This time we focused on one person, Paul Laurence Dunbar.

Paul Laurence Dunbar was born in June in 1872 after the United States’ Civil War, his parents were former slaves. He was born and raised in Dayton, Ohio; and started writing from a young age. He wrote is first poem at the age of 6 and read it aloud at the age of nine for a local church congregation, “An Easter Ode.” Dunbar was 16 when he published two poems in the Dayton’s newspaper The Herald; “Our Martyred Soldiers” and “On the River” in 1888. A few years later he would write and edit Dayton’s first weekly African-American newspaper, The Tattler. Paul L. Dunbar worked with two brothers that were his high-school acquaintances to print the paper that lasted six weeks. Those brothers were Wilbur and Orville Wright, the fathers of American aviation. Dunbar was the only African-American student at Central High School in Dayton.

Dunbar’s parents had been slaves in Kentucky, following the emancipation, his mother moved to Ohio, and his father escaped before the Civil War ended. Joshua Dunbar went to Massachusetts and volunteered with the 55th Massachusetts Infantry Regiment. His parents, Matilda and Joshua, were married on Christmas Eve and Paul L. Dunbar arrived six months later. His parents had a troubled union, they separated after the birth on Paul’s sister; but his father would pass away in August in 1885 when Paul was only 13 years old. His mother played a key role in his education, she hoped her son would become a minister. He was elected president of his high school’s literary society which lead to him to become editor of the school newspaper and debate club member.

Paul Laurence Dunbar finished school in 1891 and took a job as an elevator operator to earn money for college where he hoped to study law. Dunbar had continued to write and soon a collection of poems he wanted to publish. He revisited the Wright brothers, but they no longer had a printing faculty and lead his to the United Brethren Publishing House in 1893. Oak and Ivy was soon published and he busied himself selling copies as he operated the elevator. The book contained two sections, Oak with its traditional verse; and Ivy was written in dialect.

His literary talents were recognized and Attorney Charles A. Thatcher offered to pay for college; however, his interest in law had shift to his writing. Dunbar had been encouraged by the sell of his poetry, and Thatcher helped by arranging for Dunbar to do readings in a nearby city. Psychiatrist Henry A. Tobey also took an interest and assisted in distributing Dunbar’s first book. The two contained to support Dunbar through the publication of his second collection of verse, Major and Minors, in 1896. While he was consistent at publishing, he was a reckless spender resulting in debt. He was a traditional struggling artist as he tried to support himself and his mother.

There was hope in the summer of 1896 when his second book received a positive review in Harper’s Weekly, William Dean Howells brought national attention to his poems; calling them “honest thinking and true feeling” and praising his dialectic poems. There was a growing appreciation for folk culture and black dialect. His popular works were written in the “Negro dialect” that is commonly associated with the antebellum South; though he also wrote in the Midwestern dialect that he grew-up hearing. Dunbar would write in various styles, including conversational English in poetry and novels. He is considered to be the first important African American sonnet writer. His use of the “Black dialect” in writing has been criticized as pan-handling to readers.

Dunbar was a diverse writer, he experimented with poetry, short stories, novels, plays, and a musical. He even ventured beyond the lens of the lives of African Americans and attempted to explore the struggles of a white minister. The Uncalled, Dunbar’s first novel, held similar names and themes of Hawthorne’s The Scarlet Letter and was not well favored. It was with his venture into novel writing that he dared to cross the “color line” with his first novel which focused solely on white society. He continued to try to capture white culture but the critics found them lacking.

He moved past novel writing and began to work with two composers, Dunbar wrote the lyrics for the first musical that would be preformed by an all African-American cast on Broadway; In Dahomey. Beyond his writing career, Dunbar was also active the early civil rights movements happening in 1897. He married after a trip to the United Kingdom in 1898, Alice Ruth Moore was also a poet and teacher from New Orleans. She also published a collection of short stories, and they wrote companion poems together. There was a play in 2001 based on their relationship.

Dunbar had taken a traditional job with the Library of Congress in D.C. and with his wife in tow they moved there. However, with his wife’s urging, he left his job to focus on his writings and his public readings. This also allowed him to attend Howard University for a time. However, he was diagnosed with tuberculosis in 1900 and his doctors suggested that drinking whisky would alleviate the symptoms. They also moved to the cold dry mountains of Colorado for his health. This resulted in trouble in Paul and Alice’s marriage, they separated in 1902 but never formally divorced.

Dunbar returned to his hometown of Dayton, Ohio in 1904 to be with his mother, his health continued to decline and depression consumed his mind. Paul Laurence Dunbar died from tuberculosis at age 33 on February 9, 1906 and was interred in Dayton.

Dunbar did not become one of the forgotten poets of literature, his use of dialect in his poetry allowed for his works to remain relevant and important in poetic criticism. We of the James Smith Noel Collection at LSU Shreveport are proud to retain and maintain a small collection of his works and show case their importance.

#special collections #rare books #books and libraries #poetry #black history month

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rucbarthatbowtiesarecooldw · 1 year ago

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Saturday Afternoon Session

Conducting Gary E Stevenson

All Glory, Laud, and Honor

David A. Bednar

Be Still and Know that I Am God

Inner Spiritual Stillness of the Soul

Be Still = focusing on the Savior

Truth faith is focused in and on our Lord Jesus Christ

Spiritual stillness = the opposite of inner turmoil

A proper foundation ensures that the structure will remain sturdy and stable over time – requiring an attachment to bedrock.

We build the foundation – the Savior is the rock upon which we build

Faith is built upon the Savior

Sacred time and holy places are the same – focus your time and attention on God and His heavenly Plan

Sometimes being still means on the inside not the outside

Jesus is not the foundation He is the Rock upon which we build.

We may be perplexed by our trials and circumstances, but we will never be in despair.

The gospel doesn’t keep you from trials, but allows you to deal with them with the help of the Lord

Massimo De Feo

My physical sight is not good – what about my spiritual vision? Do I need any treatment there.

Can you see Christ spiritually, not physically? Or are you like the pharaseees?

We keep a clear spiritual vision when we focus on Jesus Christ and stay true to what we know to be true.

What we know to be true: Love God and love your neighbor as yourself. Don’t listen to the voices in the world that say that loving everyone isn’t reasonable/necessary/possible.

Declare your testimony in its entirety; don’t let anyone silence you

We keep a clear spiritual vision when we hear the voice of the Lord and allow Him to guide us.

Keeping a clear spiritual vision is about focusing my sight always on Jesus Christ

Jesus Christ is the answer for everyone

God Loved Us So He Sent His Son

Brent H Nielson

Witnesses of Christ

There has never been a better time to be a member of the church than today

335 operating and announced temples!!!

You should leave the bubble

The truth of God will go forth everywhere

You and I are witnesses

Gathering israel has both missionary work and family history work

We are armed with righteousness and with the power of God in great glory

Jose L Alonso

Where do you find peace?

If we put the Savior at the center of our lives, we can find peace

Feeding 5000 men – plus women and children (Matt 14:21). Jesus gave thanks to his father, he was grateful rather than complaining that was all they had.

Solutions to our trials often don’t come from ourselves – but in God

“Imagine how much love he has for us if Christ was looking for peace and solitude, and he welcomed everyone to heal and help them”

When we encounter challenges, turn beyond them to Christ, and trust in his help

Even when looking for peace and solitude, Christ focused outside of Himself and welcomed everyone to heal and help them!

Adopting a Christ-centered perspective helps us turn trials into victories

Christ is a Healer, and we are ever-present in His mind and heart

Praise to the Lord the Almighty

Gerritt W Gong

194 years since the restoration of the gospel!

Things will work together for our good

Sometimes we just need to have someone there when we’re upset – and that someone can always be God

Trusting the Lord can include trusting Him with our suffering and anger and misery

When we work together for good, we minister as Jesus Christ would

Spiritual First Responders

Going from neighbors who bring cookies to trusted friends

What happened there and then can bless us here and now

Michael T. Nelson

We can be trustworthy, beloved leaders of youth like Helaman and the stripling warriors: build relationships with them, council them, support them

Parents have a primary responsibility for teaching their children

No one serves in the church alone

Heavenly Father wants us to reach out to others, including the youth

Help them learn who they really are through how you feel about them

Follow promptings, even though we’re not perfect, to build relationships of love and trust

No program can replace the influence of loving, covenant keeping adults

How Great the Wisdom and the Love

Quinten L Cook

My focus should be on the Savior and on the Saviors Atonement

We are all children of a loving Heavenly Father

The Savior is the Keeper of the Gate

And He is the one who also pleads in our behalf

Being one with Christ = loving and building community

Requirements for baptism are uniquely simple – repenting before God

D&C 25 basic doctrine of the restored Church

All are invited to partake of the Lords Goodness and all are alike unto God

None are forbidden

All accountable persons are required to atone for their sins

All have a choice – all have agency

Essential to the plan of salvation

All are able to use their agency and ACT

Exercise our moral agency to choose Christ and keep His commandments

2 Nephi 26:33

Both poor and rich have the same spiritual requirements

Many things occur of which we have little to no control

There is no chance, no destiny, no fate, that can hinder or control the firm resolve of a determined soul.” - Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Without agency we could not learn, progress, or choose immortal life

We Will Sing of Zion

#genconf #tumblrstake #ldsconf #church of jesus christ of latter day saints

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temporalhiccup · 2 years ago

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Play Diary

Bite Marks: Time Skips and Pack Politics

Due to life happening, it's been several weeks (maybe more than a month?) since we played Bite Marks. (Currently we alternate with me running Bite Marks and Thomas running Nahual!)

I was nervous about running the game and resetting the momentum. Josh suggested we catch up and figure out what to do next. I think a more relaxed GM than me would have just spent a shorter session of chatting, and starting up again a couple of weeks later. But I'm not that kind of GM!

In case it's helpful for folks here's what I did to get back into the groove!

I started with a brief summary of the most important bits from the last session (the pack had interrupted a ritual at an abandoned supermarket, Ruby the enby lesbian core runaway Alpha and Cake the himboest himbo human turned ritual sacrifice were the key characters involved, etc)

I suggested a time skip. Mostly because I find that if players have spent a long time away from the game, it can be hard for them to re-tune to their characters. We talked through things and felt a few weeks felt good, so we could center an important plot point (make sure the pack is fully healed up, new pack members have had some time to feel out the tensions, and everyone now has to do what they can to set up for a tense political meeting involving several factions)

From here I went around the table and asked set-up questions for the meeting. We felt out if we needed to just talk through decision points or play out the scene. This included questions like, "Now that Cake (yes, the NPC's name is Cake, long story) is irrevocably involved with what's happening with the werewolves, are you going to tell him everything?" and "What are you going to do to ensure the meeting goes well, despite the ongoing tension between the Kastila packs and Stray Dog packs?"

I then jumped into the big scene itself, taking place at one of the Churches nearby. Because we all spent time building up the moment together and preparing for it, we could all feel the stakes involved and play to find out what happens next.

Right before that jump, folks pointed out that I forgot about Sherri's character having the rest of her turn to prep for the meeting, after Fidel the Alpha told her to take care of things. But we decided Sherri could instead pull at that scene whenever she wanted, as a flashback, during the meeting itself. (Which ended up being very cool actually! Note to self: use flashbacks more often.)

I place a lot of pressure on myself as a GM to facilitate a good session with an even momentum all throughout. (this doesn't include prep, prep and I just don't get along, hah!) But I'm glad my players reminded me that we're here to collaborate on the game together, and I appreciate them playing alongside me to set things up. It ended up feeling really satisfying!

TTRPGs are a skill based hobby, but it's also a social activity and we're all here to support each other and have a good time!

#play diaries #indie ttrpgs #bite marks

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nerdygaymormon · 2 years ago

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Affirmation Conference 2023

I traveled to Provo, Utah for the 2023 edition of Affirmation’s International Conference.

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I arrived on Thursday and had lunch at Crown Burgers (I had a pastrami burger) with friends of mine who live in Eagle Mountain, Utah. I’ve known them for a long time, they used to live in Florida. Aaron and Sara are really wonderful. Aaron’s twin brother is gay and this has opened their eyes and they see the many issues the LDS Church has for queer people.

Sara volunteers at the Encircle House in Provo. They’d like to do more to support queer people who are/were LDS. They’d like to open their home to have regular get togethers where queer LDS people and their family & friends can gather to feel loved and supported. If you’re interested, contact me and I’ll put you in touch.

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Thursday evening was a social held at the Encircle House in Salt Lake City. I was an hour late and when I arrived, I was informed a group had come asking for David and I wasn’t there. The President of Affirmation got very concerned, wondering if there’d been a problem with my flight, was I okay, would I be on hand for the 2 sessions I’m supposed to do at the conference on Saturday. I’m very sorry to have missed those who came to meet me and I didn’t intend to make anyone worry. Sometimes things don’t go according to plans.

I did meet @jacclo and really appreciate that he came and waited. I felt like we had a good conversation and that I learned more about him and his journey. Honestly, getting to meet and connect with other queer Mormons is one of the greatest things.

My favorite room in the Salt Lake City Encircle House is the music room. They have filled the wall with black & white photos of famous queer people. I find seeing all that queer greatness very moving.

They also have a black sheep in the room, which is such a good symbol of how a lot of queer people feel their role is in their family. The Provo Encircle House also has a black sheep, I wonder if this is something they put in every one of their homes

When you walk in the house, the door swings open and you don’t see the hidden message until you’re ready to leave and open the door from the inside and see the words painted on the inside edge.

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Friday I spent much of the day in Board meetings and in trainings. That was a new experience for me as a new member of the Affirmation Board of Directors.

Lacey Bagley, the founder of Celebrate Therapy, is on the board and in our meeting she said something that struck me. I sometimes hear people complain that in the LDS Church it is cis gay white men who are seen and heard and who dominate the conversation. Lacey reframed this by calling them the Founding Fathers of the LDS LGBTQ space because they were able to break through the silence and bring visibility and some understanding. They were the most palatable to the wider community and thus were the ones who were listened to. AFAB women and gender nonconforming people are now having a moment and this opportunity has come thanks to the door being opened by those Founding Fathers.

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Then I went to the Provo Encircle House for a social. I met some very cool people and learned things about the house, including that it was originally home to a polygamous family. My favorite room was the meeting room on the 2nd floor. The walls feature black & white pictures of teens & young adults who came to the house during its first week of being open. Seeing the very people who are helped by this house really touched me. Plus, the window with the rainbow colors frames the Provo City Center Temple in a beautiful way.

The outside of the home is beautiful and I learned the landscaping is done so that there is always something in bloom no matter the season.

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Friday concluded with dinner and the opening plenary session of the Affirmation Conference. Álvaro Mora was the speaker and the big take away from his remarks was that no one is going to die for you so don’t live your life for others, live life and live it for yourself.

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On Saturday, the conference had 4 rounds of break out sessions. You could choose the sessions and groups that most interested you. I was in charge of 2 of the sessions. The first one was called Navigating Living Waters, and the second one was about building community for LGBTQ members in our churches. I was happy to meet @raspberryusagi when she attended one of my sessions.

In the evening Tekulvē Jackson-Vann spoke about how people often say they don’t see color, and how that feels so invalidating. It’s the same as if someone were to say they don’t see queerness, instead they see everyone as just the same. It’s a way to avoid uncomfortable conversations. If you can’t see all of me, you get a muted version of me. Can you imagine watching the Barbie move in black & white, you’d miss so much!

Tekulvē ended by asking a series of questions, for which a person of color gives mostly the same answer and white people have a different answer for each question: What color were you when you were born? What color are you when you’re hit hard? What color are you when you’re sick? What color are you when you’re cold? What color are you when you’re dead? And yet, I’m the one who is ‘colored.’

Laurie Lee Hall also spoke and the big message I took is “Live a life that leaves a mark that cannot be erased!”

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Saturday night, @loveerran and I went for ice cream at Leatherby’s in Orem, Utah. Their serving sizes are generous. We met @sky-the-trans-guy00 and had a very good conversation. I learned some more about him. He is a high-quality individual

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On Sunday, Stacey Harkey was the keynote speaker at the plenary session and he is very entertaining. He followed his remarks by doing a Q&A in which he was open and vulnerable.

He spoke of a dung beetle and how it is conditioned to roll dung, and will never roll a precious gem. Likewise, we are surrounded by people who have been conditioned to prize the dung, and that may cause you to wish to be dung, but you are not. Don’t be ashamed to be you. A gem is valuable because it is uncommon.

The main points of his remarks were: Be who you are! (you have to explore & discover who you are) Live who you are! (as you come to understand yourself, start living true to you) Own who you are! (you don’t need to apologize for being you, you get to be you and be proud of who you are)

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After the conference, I have extended family who hosted dinner for me and some of my friends. Being surrounded by friends and family in a space that is warm, loving and supportive was a great way to end my trip.

#Affirmation #highlights from the conference and my trip #Álvaro Mora #Tekulvē Jackson-Vann #stacey harkey #long post

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