#How to record a self-taped audition

[websitemaster2022]

Hollywoodboundactors Christine Horn HBA - What should I wear to an audition?

Hollywoodboundactors - Firstly build confidence before an audition and memorize your lines in your auditioning preparation process. The booking magnet expert Christine Horn says to wear something which makes you feel comfortable and confident. She says that the right outfit shows you put thought into your presentation. For more information about what to wear for audition is here at www.hollywoodboundactors.com

[planetsano]

smells like teen spirit.

SYNOPSIS ✰ welcome to the team little freshman!

WARNINGS ✰ dark content, non/dubcon, gangbang manipulation, coercion, drugging (aphrodisiac), cheerleader! fem! reader, football player! aot guys, corruption, cherry picking, blood, misogyny, recording without consent, college au, aot guys whoring the reader out, not proofread (have fun with this)

WC ✰ 4.3k

Let’s get this straight: the Paradis Titans were not a group of nice boys— far from it actually.

They were exceptional at football, yes. Well, more sports activities, some members doubled in other activities on the side like track, basketball or swimming when football season was over. Most of the team even sat at the top percent of their class with great grades in their respective majors.

But no matter how athletically talented they were, how many trophies they brought home, or how good their grades were, it still didn’t change the fact that the team was riddled with players, misogynists, and scumbags hidden behind popularity, handsome faces, and pretty smiles.

It wasn’t a secret that they had a nasty reputation amongst the women on campus, but it didn’t matter because they still got what they asked for in the end. They always did. Maybe it was some sort of weird dark magic, a spell that made women weak at the knees and so easy to manipulate with just a few smiles and empty promises.

Or maybe it was the group chat they had solely dedicated for blackmail. The chat consisted of only nudes, screenshots, and sex tapes of their various hookups that could potentially end up on Twitter or worse.

Eren, Jean, Armin, Reiner, Connie, and Porco were the worst of the bunch.

Then there was you, a sweet little thing— a bright-eyed freshman too innocent and naive for her own good. A sheltered home can do that to a young girl, being homeschooled for the majority of your life until your senior year in high school. You were too trusting in people who didn’t have your best interest at heart. Always so willing to put other people’s needs and wants before your own without a second thought.

It’s a blessing you haven’t been soiled and taken advantage of yet. Both for you and them. It makes it all the more fun, little one.

You ended up graduating high school at the top of your class, so it was no surprise to anyone when you get accepted into your school of choice— Paradis University.

Now, you were somewhat self-aware and knew that you never really had consistent friends growing up. Being homeschooled was hard. You wanted nothing more but to fit in— finding a group of people where you belonged. You’ve spent many nights clinging onto your pillow watching movies like Bring it On, Mean Girls, Clueless, Jawbreaker, and many others just fantasizing about how cool life would be if you were living in their world.

You made it your mission to join a club when you moved on campus— and you did. After some internal debating, you sucked it up and went to the auditions for the cheerleading team. The excitement that coursed through your body is something you’ll always remember when you saw that your name was the third pick on the tryouts sheet.

It was the first practice of the season when you got noticed by them. You were on the track with the rest of the cheer squad though everyone seemed to be broken off into sections, either practicing or gossiping. You were only slightly separated from the majority. You had AirPods in practicing a tricky routine you were having a little trouble with, in your own little world and unsuspecting of the jocks eyeing you on the field.

“Who’s the little lamb?” Jean nudges Connie’s arm while beckoning his head over to you.

“Dunno.” Connie starts. “She’s a cute bitch for sure.” He squirts some cold Gatorade into his mouth. Both men staring shamelessly at the way your spanx fit into the curve of your ass.

“Think she’s a virgin?” Jean asks, his eyes still locked onto your body but trailing upward to your cute flushed face. You seemed to be having trouble remembering something from the way your body hesitated to move to the next part of the routine.

“Fuck if I know,” Connie replied. “I’d still fuck her if she wasn’t.” He shrugged.

Eren came from behind the two men, his eyes locked on you as well like a predator stalking its prey. Truth is, he’s had his eye on you since move-in day— waiting patiently for the day he’d add you to his body count. It seems like it’d be sooner than he thought, how fun.

“We can always find out. But I have a feeling she is.” Eren says.

That’s when it began and your fate was set.

You never felt the lingering stares on your body when you stretched during practice? The whispers and chuckles followed by high fives and bro-shakes when you bent over or contorted your body into heel stretches and splits?

Well, you should have; because now you were their next victim and just in time for the annual cherry-picking. It sounds like an awful tradition done by a cult— and it's on some ‘the virgin’s blood is the only way to fulfill the prophecy’ type of shit.

It's a four-step process: choose a freshman, lull her into a false sense of security, and pop her cherry. Sometimes it wasn’t always as easy as it sounds. Finding a virgin in college was hard, but it didn’t stop them from searching for the one diamond in a sea of rhinestones. It made the end all the more rewarding when they brought home yet another championship trophy. The funny thing is, this ritual has never once failed them, and it sounds sick because it is. Some fucked up tradition started by the founders of the team years ago passed down from generation to generation.

They’re not the first and likely not the last.

After about a week, there had been exactly two more days before the kickoff game. It was finally time to put their plan in action and you couldn’t have made their job anymore easier.

God, it was truly pathetic how quickly you fell under the spell of the two handsome jocks. Eren Yeager, the all-star quarterback, and Jean Kirstein, the beloved wide receiver.

They caught you walking back to your car after a late practice. Eren offered to hold your duffle bag and Jean had his arm wrapped around your shoulder as you all walked back to your car. Both men towered over your mere stature in both height and muscular build.

Their charming smiles, kind gestures, and sweet words make your poor little tummy have the most intense case of butterflies. Could anyone blame you? It felt like a dream having not one, but two of the most popular guys on campus be nice to old little you. It was all so new and exciting. Sure, you heard stories from other girls but they were only rumors. You’ve seen the movies and you “knew” how out of control and outlandish rumors can get! You’re practically an expert by now. These two seemed like sweet guys, why would they do anything to hurt you? It was all just stories, right?

Ah, it was just from the way you were looking up at them— eyes twinkling with admiration and affection that they knew you wrapped around their finger. They were practicing trapping you in with their bodies as your back was pressed up against your car door. The only thing you could think about was how handsome they both were and how lucky you were for them to even be speaking to you. You were just a freshman, they were juniors. What’s so special about you?

“You’re really cute, you know?” Jean says with a smile, his arms are crossed over his chest making his muscles budge through his fitted crossfit shirt.

“Thank you so much.” You smiled, cheeks and ears rising in temperature at his words.

“Got a boyfriend?” Eren is the one to speak this time. He’s wearing a fitted shirt as well but the bottom of his was folded up slightly, exposing the lower sliver of his abs.

“Oh.. no. I never had one before..” Your face was on fire at your admittance— voice trailing off as you looked down at the asphalt in the parking lot. It took everything for Jean and Eren to suppress their wicked smirks when they exchanged a knowing glance between the two of them.

“That’s a shame babydoll.” Jean lifts your chin with his hand, your eyes locking onto his. “Why not? You’re pretty.” Jean doesn’t even give you time to answer before he speaks again.

“You don’t ever hang out with us. Don’t you want friends?” Jean tilts his head.

“I do-! I do want friends!” Your eyes plead. “I just, don’t have many yet..” You say, with a slight hint of sadness in your tone.

“We’re your friends,” Eren says. You don’t think you’ll ever get over how deep his voice is.

“Really?” Your eyes lit up earning a genuine smile from the two.

Fuck, you’re probably the cutest one they’ve had. Maybe they’d keep you around, it’d be a shame to let you go to waste. They were going to make you into their own little cheer whore. Lucky you.

“Of course. Listen,” Jean pulls out his phone from his pocket and unlocks it. “Why don’t you give us your number and we can hang out sometime soon.” He flashes you his pearly white smile.

“Okay, that sounds like fun.” You smile and take the phone from his hands, punching in your number.

“Yeah, real fun. Just us and some of the guys.” Eren says.

That’s how you ended up at Jean’s apartment with not only Eren but, Reiner, Connie, Armin, and Porco too. All of you standing in the kitchen around the marbled kitchen island, laughing and talking while music from Jean’s Alexa played.

It wasn’t a surprise to any of them that you weren’t a drinker but after some gentle peer pressure, you caved— as expected.

It was fun, but you didn’t notice how they kept filling your cup with more liquor ushering you to keep drinking, nor did you notice how you seemed to be the only one throwing back shots. Maybe you should have or else you wouldn’t have ended up in a game of truth or dare blackout drunk.

“Truth or dare, cutie.”

“Dare!”

“I dare you to strip to your bra and panties.”

“But that’s..embarrassing..”

“Don’t be embarrassed. It’s silly and fun.”

“O-okay.. I’ll do it..”

“Yeah! That’s our girl!”

Everything was all a blur and time seemed to drag on longer than it was supposed to. Minutes began to feel like an eternity. At some point, you began to cling onto what you thought was Eren or maybe it was Jean. You couldn’t really tell, you just felt so ...heavy, hot, and weak. Despite your lack of clothing, you felt like your body was on fire. This isn’t what being drunk felt like.

The voices around you began to sound distorted and far away as your stomach was turning into a knot. It was reaching the point of being unbearable until an intense, almost painful, throbbing began coursing through your most intimate part. The only way you knew how to get rid of this feeling was by humping your pillow, but you felt insatiable. You needed someone to, no— this is wrong.

“‘m feeling, weird.. wanna go home..” You whimper into a broad chest, hands gripping the person’s shirt like it was your lifeline. You couldn’t stand by yourself as your legs felt like jelly. Large and calloused hands begin to grope your ass through the thin material of your panties. All you can do is let them, barely having the strength to stand. You couldn’t fight off an athlete.

“She’s cute and smaller than I thought. I think she’ll have issues taking me.” You feel the vibrations emitting from the chest of the deep voice holding you.

“Reiner, that shouldn’t be an issue for you. We know you have a bit of a thing for size differences.” That’s Jean talking, you think.

“Turn her around, wanna see her tits.” And that was Porco’s voice. Things were starting to clear up but your body still felt weird.

You had no choice but to let Reiner turn your body, back now pressed against his chest. His arms are scooper under your own, big hands finding your bra line to pull the cups down— your breasts fell from their confinement with a pretty drop. Groans and curses are heard throughout the kitchen and your head falls in embarrassment seeing the way everyone’s eyes are devouring your body. The friendliness and flintiness were now replaced with something dark and sinister.

There’s suddenly a soft hand on your chin guiding your head up. You’re met with pretty blue eyes and an old-school cam recorder.

“What’s your name?” Armin asks, his eyes aren’t on you, but instead at the viewfinder.

“I’m- I’m...” You can’t think straight with everything going on, it’s all happening so fast and Reiner’s hands massaging your tits and tugging at your hardened buds don’t make it any easier for you.

“Hey, don’t make me ask again.” This time Armin’s eyes are on yours, he looks serious— intimidating. This wasn’t the same guy from 30 minutes ago. Hell, this wasn’t the same guy at all— the timidity, politeness, and soft demeanor were all gone.

“My name is ____..” You say, voice wavering as you tried to keep yourself from crying. The string of the tears welling up in your eyes was beginning to be too much.

You see Jean come from behind Armin, his hand finding the back of Armin’s neck as a form of brotherly greeting. He’s looking at the sight of you on the camera too.

“She looks pretty on camera,” Jean smiles.

“Oh,” Jean notices something and looks at you. “Gonna cry? Go ahead, Coach Zeke likes the crybabies.” He finishes with a light pat on your cheek.

“Look at her panties,” Connie coos with a smile. “She’s fucking soaked. The shit we gave her is worked.”

“Put her up on the counter.” Eren beckons his head to the island while looking at Reiner. He’s been off to the side watching the scene play in front of him quietly— the same disinterested look on his face but patiently waiting for the fun and games to be over with. For now, he decided to play along, why not have a little fun with his teammates?

Reiner does as he’s told and lifts your body with ease to place you on the kitchen island, the coolness from the marble top coming into contact with your feverish skin. You looked so pretty sprawled out in front of all six men like a beautiful dessert waiting to be devoured. Your chest was heaving, face flushed, and the lights in the kitchen reflecting off the slick that was coating the inside of your thighs. What a bad to wear lace.

Eren walked around the island to get to you, his fingers immediately hooking onto your panty line to pull them down in one tug. He tossed the garment over to Porco who caught it in one hand before putting them in his pocket.

“Spread her legs.” Eren orders again. “Armin, make sure you film this.”

Connie and Jean are on both sides of you, both have a leg spreading your thighs open as far as the possibility could. You feel tears prick at your eyes, eventually falling out the corners and absorbing into your hair.

Eren is at eye level with your core, pointer finger and thumb spread your cunt’s lips apart, strings of slick still connecting as he does. Armin is right behind Eren, the camera still in hand filming from over his beat friend’s shoulder. You feel so seen, exposed— so dirty. Everyone’s eyes are on your pussy like it’s a prize.

“Fuck, look at that..” Eren says softly, truly taken back by how pretty your cunt was. It looked like a flower, all glistening with your hymen on full display— pink and intact with the smallest of holes in the center, he could maybe fit a pinky through. Your pussy was visibly fluttering and clenching around nothing, it was a sight to see.

“The bitch needs a cock in her. Look at how her cunt’s begging for one.” Porco says as he’s palming himself through his jeans.

“Hm,” Eren muses with a smile. “Pretty, isn’t it?”

Eren takes his pinky and prods it at your entrance— yeah, it’ll fit without breaking anything. His pinky slips into your tiny hole earning an explicit moan from you, this was the first time anyone has ever put something inside of you. You’ve never fingered yourself or used toys, you’ve only ever gotten yourself off by humping things or rubbing your clit. The sensation feels weird at first, but you soon become accustomed to it when Eren begins to pump in and out of you. His fingers were long so he was able to hit deeper spots within you— pinky curling and uncurling inside of you. Jean takes his free hand to assist Eren, his pointer finger rubbing circular motions onto your sensitive clit. This continues for a mere couple of seconds before you get hit with your first orgasm of the night. Your walls clamp onto Eren’s pinky and a small jet of your release shoots from your core nearly hitting Eren in the face. All the boys gathered around to look at you in amazement and lust.

“Shit, I didn’t think she was a squirter,” Connie says, the budge in his pants becoming painful by the second. You can’t even close your legs because of the grip they still had on your thigh. You can only shake and whine when Eren and Jean continue to lazily play with you— not trying to coax you into another orgasm but instead doing it for the sake of knowing you’re hypersensitive and they want to see you squirm.

You’ve been having a mental battle within yourself this entire time. Logically, you knew what they were doing was wrong— it’s so fucked up. And yet, there was another side of you that wanted more. A dark and perverted side was begging— even praying that they would use you as their own little fuckdoll, stuffing all your virgin holes with their thick cocks until they came. It was so out of character for you that you weren’t even sure that if your thoughts were even yours.

“Neither did I, aren’t you full of surprises?” Eren asks you, his big green eyes meeting your teary doe ones.

“Let’s take her upstairs,” Jean says. “Tired of playing around.”

The next thing you know you were being scooped up and thrown over Reiner’s broad shoulder. The group followed Jean up the stairs and into a bedroom where you were tossed onto the bed. Your head propped up on the pillow while your hair was sprawled out underneath you. The boys were undressed, lined up around the perimeter of the bed with all of their cocks in hand with their eyes on you.

Eren was first, climbing up onto the bed with— his thick cock hanging heavily between his thighs.

“I’ll be nice because I think I like you,” Eren says with his intense green eyes boring onto yours as he hovered over your body. “I can’t say the same for the others.”

“‘m scared, Eren..” You whimpered feeling him rub his cock along your pussy.

“I know,” His breath is shaky. “Keep looking at me, hold onto me,” Eren says, his voice providing you with an odd sense of comfort. You can only think back to the day when he and Jean introduced themselves to you— when Eren said you guys were friends.

“Will you still be my friend after this?”

“Yeah, we’re all best friends after this.”

Eren watched in delight as your face contorted into pain and discomfort once he pushed the head of his cock past your entrance. He was met with a slight resistance about an inch in but pushed through it causing you to feel a dull ‘pop’ sensation in your core. You held onto him like your life depended on it— eyes shut tight and teeth sinking into your bottom lip nearly drawing blood while your fingernails dug into his flesh. You didn’t know what to call this feeling, it hurt but it felt so good.

Eren was completed bottomed out to the hilt and you’ve never felt as full as you did now.

“How does her pussy feel?” Eren hears from Connie. His voice sounds strained, probably from how tightly his hand was wrapped around his cock, fisting fervently at his leaking cock.

“‘s so fucking tight.. tightest cunt I’ve ever fucked in a while..” Eren grunts, looking down at where you both were connected— almost smiling when he sees the blood coating his shaft while he pumped his hips into yours. It was done. You’re no longer a virgin and now you had no use. Just another good girl turned into one of their whores. Well, maybe you did have one use.

Eren continues to fuck into you chasing after his high, he’s getting rougher and harder— pounding into you not caring if you cum or not. The others standing around the bed are stroking their cocks to the sight in front of them matching Eren’s pace. You’re letting little whines and mewls escaping your lips,  putting together incoherent sentences while your tits bounce every time Eren’s hips slam into yours.

Your second orgasm hits you like a truck and without a warning, your juices gushing onto Eren’s lower half and promoting him into his high. He cums with a hard thrust and a low grunt emptying his balls into your tight hole.

Then it was Jean and you noticed he was more of the romantic and sensual type. His thrusts were slow and fulfilling as he interlocked his hands with yours— pinned over your head. He littered your neck in love bites, whispered sweet nothings into your ear, and actually give you proper mouth kisses. Jean was insistent that you both finished at the same time— and you did. Your high was a slow buildup much like your time with Jean, he came inside of you too.

Connie and Porco came as a team. Connie held your head in place while he abused your mouth by fucking into your poor throat relentlessly. Your fingernails leaving crescent shapes into his tan thick thighs as you tried focusing on not passing out from lack of oxygen. Porco was no better, taking you from behind with the harshest thrusts out of everyone so far. His hand connecting with your ass repeatedly leaving your skin raw and stinging. Porco’s dirty talk was enough to make you and Connie cum, making him follow shortly after you both.

Armin was next and by far the simplest of everyone yet the kinkiest. All he wanted was for you to suck his cock, but he wanted it done in a very specific way. Only kitten licks on the tip and wet kisses along his shaft— oh, and your eyes on him the entire time. When he came into your mouth, he told you not to swallow so you spit it into his mouth.

Reiner was last, and he was last for a reason. The size of his member put fear in your heart, he was at least three more inches longer in length and overall thicker in size compared to Eren’s— and he was the second largest.

“I can’t take that.. please- don’t..” You backed up onto the pillows but the blond’s large hands pulled you down by your thighs. He leans over and places a gentle kiss on the shell of your ear.

“Shh, shh, it’s only a little bigger than Eren’s. It’ll fit.” Reiner whispers before splitting you open on his cock, he quite literally used you like a ragdoll and came buckets when he shot his load inside of you.

It was so satisfying how your soft pleading for your dear friends to “stop” turned into moans and whimpers to “keep going” and “more” whole your virtually limp body was being contorted into positions humans weren’t intended to bend. Your small and weak frame being passed around and used by six tall, muscular and strong football players like you were just an object. In all honesty, that’s how they saw you. You weren’t a woman— you were a toy.

There was one point where you were completely filled. Your cunt, stuffed with Eren’s cock, ass filled with Jean’s, both hands stroking the cocks of Reiner and Porco, then there was Armin who was filming the entire thing— completely content with stroking his cock in his hand.

You don’t know how many loads they’ve fucked into your poor little cunt and ass or how many they made you swallow. You just know your body couldn’t take another orgasm or else you’d lose consciousness. All of their refractory periods were seemingly nonexistent, once they came it was almost amazing at how quick they could get it back up again.

You're not sure how much time has passed since they all decided to finish everything by jerking their cocks in a circle around you— all of them finishing by painting your face white. By the time they were exhausted, skin sticky and wet from all the cum, spit, and sweat.

“Look at the camera, sweetheart. Say hi.” You look up to see Jean with the same camera from earlier.

“H-hi-” Your voice cracks.

“Good girl. Now, who are you?” He asks, looking at the viewfinder.

“ ‘m your cheer whore.” You say.

“They grow up so fast~” Connie coos from somewhere in the background, pulling up his boxers.

“That’s right. Welcome to the team, little lamb.”

© all content belongs to rekiri 2021. do not modify or repost.

[nerdkat81]

Searching for Joseph Quinn: The Dark Side of Fandom

Picture it. You’re a young actor, just starting out in your career. You have a few projects on your resume but so far, that breakout role hasn’t appeared yet. You’ve got plenty of time though, and you’re excited about what the future holds. Acting is the only thing you’ve ever really wanted to do. One day, you get the opportunity to audition for a popular series. It’s not a huge part, only one season, but it’s well-written and completely different from anything else you’ve done. So you send in your audition tape. For reasons you don’t completely understand, you get the part. Eventually, you start filming. You make new friends. You give a performance you’re honestly pretty proud of. Then it’s over. You go home and wait for your world debut. To your utter surprise, your character quickly becomes the most popular one of the season, possibly the entire series. You’re invited to comic-cons and late show interviews. Video edits, fanart, and copyright infringing merchandise featuring your character flood the internet. You’re thrilled that a performance you just hoped would be “good enough” has resonated with so many people.

Now, picture this. You’re at home, alone, just relaxing. There’s a knock on your door. It’s a stranger. No. Wait. It’s a fan. Someone has leaked your address on the internet. Not only that, you discover people have identified the Facebook profiles of your family and are sharing your childhood photos with the world. It’s frightening, honestly. Disturbing. Just a little bit sickening. Suddenly, everywhere you go people feel entitled to approach you, ask for a photo, a video. It was fine when you were doing press and interviews for the show, but now it’s every day. Even on vacation, you can’t get a moment’s peace. Your life has changed in a matter of weeks and it’s exciting, amazing even. But also overwhelming.

***

When did fame become synonymous with lack of privacy? Do we blame the paparazzi for supplying us with photos proving that stars are just like us? Or maybe social media is responsible, allowing celebrity content to reach fans worldwide at any time. Experts do say that increased internet dependency may lead to increased parasocial relationships, and I’m sure many of us have experienced increased dependency on the internet in the past few years. But when did we forget that celebrities are just people? I’ve never seen an entertainment contract, but I doubt the fine print includes giving up the expectation to ever have a private moment again. This is a bit of a simplification, but as far as I’m aware the duties of an actor include learning your lines, showing up on set, and doing press once the job is over. There’s no obligation to pose for photos. To record video greetings while on a flight. And recording someone without their knowledge or consent doesn’t make you a fan. It makes you a stalker.

So the next time you see a celebrity on the street, do me a favor. Before you run up to them and ask for a photo and tell them how much you love them and how they “saved” your life, stop and think for a minute. Think about how you would feel if people were constantly expecting you to smile and pose while you’re just trying to live your life. Maybe you don’t really want to have your picture taken today, maybe it’s not the greatest hair day, maybe you’re self-conscious about that pimple that appeared overnight. Maybe flying still makes you nervous and you just want to listen to your playlist and try to relax. Maybe you want to say no when someone asks but you’re just too nice. Maybe you wish that once in awhile, someone would just make eye contact and smile. And then walk away. Please, I am begging you, be that person. Do you think you’ll ever forget making eye contact with Joseph Quinn? You don’t have to prove it to anyone.

Oscar Wilde wrote: “Each man kills the thing he loves.” Although I think the chances of any of us taking our hyperfixation to homicidal extremes is small, we could definitely be guilty of killing the reputation of the object of our affection by falsely accusing them of terrible things. We could kill their relationships by sending their current partner nasty messages or worse yet, death threats. And at the very least, we could kill their willingness to interact with fans at all. So keep appreciating their work and loving the characters they play, keep making fanart. (please be aware though that selling said fanart might get you sued) But don’t forget that celebrities are people too.

They’re just like us.

[thasallweare]

Joseph Quinn

Played Eddie Munson on Stranger Things 2022

“This year is my year. I can feel it.” This line was said by the character Eddie Munson in the first episode of season four of Netflix’s monster-hit show Stranger Things, but it could easily have been uttered by actor Joseph Quinn.

It takes talent to join a much-loved TV cast in their fourth season and become a fan favourite. This series of Stranger Things has set Netflix records by hitting No 1 in 83 countries and is more watched than Bridgerton. But as the charismatic but vulnerable Munson, 28-year-old Quinn has made a splash. He only joined Instagram in May and already has more than 1.6 million followers.

His character is the voluminously haired metalhead who runs the Hellfire Club, Hawkins high’s Dungeons & Dragons society – with sidelines in drug-dealing and a band called Corroded Coffin. He soon finds himself at the centre of the sci-fi saga’s latest adventure. Prime suspect for a gruesome murder and accused of satanic worship, Munson becomes the Indiana town’s most wanted man.

I tried grappling with Dungeons & Dragons, but accepted that wasn’t going to happen

Quinn manages to steal even his first scene though: jumping on the table in the school cafeteria, dancing, waggling his tongue, flipping the bird and flicking food in diners’ faces. It is quite the entrance.

“That was so weird,” says Quinn with a laugh. “I auditioned by doing a self-tape of that speech, but it was one of the last scenes I ended up shooting. So I waited from November 2019 to June 2021.”

Born in south London, Quinn trained at Lamda and, until now, was best known for homegrown period dramas. He played Arthur Havisham in Dickensian, Leonard Bast in Howards End and Enjolras in Les Misérables. He played the queen’s son, Tsarevich Paul, in Catherine the Great, which starred Helen Mirren as the empress of Russia. His stage roles include Wish List at the Royal Court and Mosquitoes at the National.

Quinn as Eddie Munson in season four of Stranger Things.

Quinn as Eddie Munson in season four of Stranger Things. Photograph: Courtesy of Netflix

So Stranger Things represents a departure, but the show has been lit up by Munson’s arrival. Quinn himself, though, couldn’t be more self-effacing.

You’re getting rave reviews for Stranger Things. Are you proud?

I’m relieved, really, that’s the overriding feeling. The show represents my pandemic. At the end of my first day’s filming in Atlanta, we went into lockdown. I went home and lost my mind like everyone else. When I went back, it was a completely different experience because I couldn’t come home [to the UK], so I became very close to the cast. That’s the best thing about this business. You go to a strange place and meet a bunch of strangers. You leave with a fondness for the place and some dear friends.

You were cast after just two self-taped auditions, weren’t you?

No meetings, no chemistry reads, no protracted process. It was pretty unusual and very disarming. It meant I was waiting for [creators] the Duffer brothers to realise they’d made a mistake.

The show has overtaken Bridgerton to become the most-watched English-language series in Netflix history. Are such figures hard to get your head around?

You get past a certain number and it’s kind of boggling. I’m thrilled that people are watching it because I can’t tell you how hard everyone worked.

What brought home to you how big it had become?

Mainly its influence on the zeitgeist. Kate Bush is now back in the charts, which is so cool. I was in LA last week and two cars drove past playing Running Up That Hill. I’ve seen people walking down the street wearing Hellfire Club T-shirts, which was spooky.

The Duffer brothers have acknowledged that Eddie is loosely modelled on Damien Echols of the West Memphis Three. Did you research him?

Little bits, but I’m not going to pretend I did a huge amount. I tried grappling with Dungeons & Dragons, but accepted that wasn’t going to happen. Music was my main way in. I listened to a lot of heavy metal – Black Sabbath, Metallica, Dio – and I worked with a brilliant vocal coach called Mary Howland. But 99.7% of the work is that wig.

Oh, you can take slightly more credit than that…

OK, maybe only 99.6% is the wig. It’s objectively ridiculous. When I take it off, that helps me go unrecognised, so it’s been a blessing in that respect.

Quinn, far right, with Rory Kinnear and Helen Mirren in Catherine the Great.

Quinn, far right, with Rory Kinnear and Helen Mirren in Catherine the Great. Photograph: TCD/Prod.DB/Alamy

Did you know much about the satanic panic of the 80s?

Not before landing the role, but it’s testament to the Duffer brothers how they reference it in this sensitive, finely executed way. They don’t crowbar in the nostalgia or real-life nods, they just let them live in this world they’ve created. That makes it feel authentic – well, as authentic as a show with a tentacled lizard-man can be.

With you, Charlie Heaton, Millie Bobby Brown and Jamie Campbell Bower, there’s a sizeable British contingent in Stranger Things…

It’s a testament to the heritage of British acting and the grounding we get over here. It’s an invaluable thing. I owe a lot to my training, what little I have.

What did you learn from older cast members such as Winona Ryder and David Harbour, who play Joyce Byers and Jim Hopper?

Unfortunately, I didn’t have many scenes with them but I went for dinner with David and his wife [Lily Allen]. He was gracious and lovely. I was coming back from a party at 2am recently when I got a text which started: “Hey it’s Winona!” I thought, “I can’t sit on this”, so I showed my flatmate. I know I’m in a show with her but I’m still a fan. Winona’s wonderful – a real example of someone who hasn’t been corrupted by Hollywood. She made all us new guys feel welcome.

A Hellfire Club meeting in Stranger Things season four.

A Hellfire Club meeting in Stranger Things season four. Photograph: Netflix/Avalon

The climactic two episodes of the series are shrouded in secrecy. Can you tell us about them?

The thing is, they’ve got my family tied up somewhere and if I spoil anything, I’ll never see them again. No, I can say there’s a guitar scene and that the scale and ambition are astonishing. All the seeds that have been planted bear fruit and it’s just carnage. You know the finale is two-and-a-half hours, right? Ending with this monster, feature-length episode is so bold.

Will you be back for the fifth and final season?

I’ll be furious if they don’t bring me back [laughs]. I’d love to, if they’ll have me.

When did you first realise you enjoyed performing?

It was painfully stereotypical. I was an only child of separated parents, which breeds a pathological need for attention. I was never a stage kid being taken to auditions from an early age, but I’d always been curious. At primary school, I became a bit of a showoff. I got a drama scholarship to Emanuel school at Clapham Junction and it was the only thing I had any natural aptitude for. The fact that it’s my bread and butter now is mental.

You’ve worked alongside both Helen Mirren and Olivia Colman. How was that?

The two dames. I’ve been spoilt. Mosquitoes was a crazy experience. Working at the National with a Lucy Kirkwood script, Olivia Colman attached to it and Rufus Norris directing was a real “pinch me” moment. Like everyone else in this country, I’m in love with Olivia Colman, so forming this weird family and working with her every night was a career highlight. She’s a force of nature. Phenomenal. And Helen Mirren was… well, she’s Helen fucking Mirren. She was very kind, had great advice and a filthy sense of humour, which is always great fun.

Watch a trailer for Stranger Things season 4, volume two.

Next up, you’re in a film called Hoard. What can you tell us?

It’s directed by this extraordinary young woman called Luna Carmoon, who grew up in south-east London obsessed with film. It’s an independent British film made on a half-a-Mars-bar budget but Luna has written something feral and different. I’m excited for people to see it because there’s definitely something about her.

What do you do when you’re not working?

In a desperate attempt to reconnect with my youth, I started skateboarding again this year. I’ve still got some tricks in my bag but it’s much scarier now. Otherwise, I cook, I exercise and I worry.

I heard that you take your work seriously but don’t take yourself seriously?

Other way around. No, it’s hard to take yourself seriously in a three-ton wig. Anthony Hopkins, who’s a hero of mine, was once asked why he wanted to act for a living. He replied: “Beats work.” This is a fascinating job and, without wishing to sound like a Hallmark card, that’s kind of what I want out of life: an adventure.

Stranger Things season 4, volume 2 will stream on Netflix from Friday 1 July

[twh-news]

Sophia Di Martino Isn't Sure She's Ready For What's Next. That's a Good Thing.

The breakout star of Loki, about to welcome her second child, is gearing up for another record year.

[I'm just going to quote the part about 'Loki' here. Read the whole interview on Elle.com]

--

You’ve talked previously about how starring in Loki launched what's become one of the most magical years of your life. When Kate Herron, the director, first reached out to you about this secret script, did you have any inkling at all what it might be?

No. I knew that Kate was working on something secret and exciting, and that it was probably a big deal. But I had no idea what it was back then. I was actually really busy at the time and heavily pregnant. So I did my best [audition], sent it off and forgot about it because that’s the way I deal with self-tapes. If you hear back, it’s a bonus. If not, forget it ever happened.

Were you familiar with the lore around Loki when you eventually got the part?

I was familiar with Loki and the Thor films, but I definitely had to do some homework to brush up on exactly what I was getting myself into. Tom [Hiddleston] was really helpful because he’s been doing his character for 10 years, and he’s quite a boffin when it comes to that world.

I heard he gave a presentation to the cast. With a white board.

Oh yeah, his lecture.

When Loki came out, was the fan reaction—especially around that momentous finale—what you’d expected? Were you prepared for it?

I think it’s impossible to prepare for something like that. So it’s been both amazing and slightly overwhelming—because it just keeps coming! Like, with Halloween, it’s been so incredible to see all the people dressed up as Sylvie and Loki and people from the TVA and Alligator Loki. It’s kind of insane. I don't think I was prepared for that at all, no.

Because it could have gone either way. It could have been a compete flop, and no one would know who Sylvie was. So you don’t want to build something up and then be disappointed. I try to just keep an open mind and not expect too much.

I’d say that’s worked out pretty well for you so far. Now that you’re about to go to work on season 2, this time with another new baby in the house, do you feel more prepared to return both to the role of Sylvie but also as a working parent on set?

On the one hand, yes. I feel like I've done it once, so I can do it again. I know a few hacks now; I’ve made a few shortcuts that I can lean on. I know what to ask for. I know what to prepare the producers for, if they haven't worked with a pumping mom before. I definitely feel like I’m armed with some knowledge and some practice. But it's still nerve-wracking, and I'm still thinking, How the hell am I going to do it again? But I will.

What was the hardest part the first time around?

I mean, not many people I know have gone back to work on a film or TV set with such a young baby. So I couldn’t really ask for advice from anyone. My child was three months old when I moved over to the U.S. to shoot, and that is very young. That was really hard. And also the guilt. The mom guilt starts from the minute you get pregnant, I think, and never goes away, unfortunately. So that’s something that I’m really trying to work on because dads definitely don’t suffer from the same amount. We [as women] put a lot of pressure on ourselves, and we feel a lot of guilt when we’re not excelling in every single area.

You were only four months postpartum when you started the physical stunt training for this role. Was that a challenge or a blessing?

It was a great opportunity to slowly try and get in shape again, with some of the best stunt performers in the world looking out for me and making sure I didn’t injure myself. We took it really slowly. I didn’t push myself too much. Being pregnant and having a baby is a huge strain on your body, so you have to build yourself back up really slowly. But what a fantastic opportunity to have [the training]. If it wasn’t for that, I would just be sat on the sofa eating biscuits. Like I am now.

Do you get the sense the Sylvie we’ll meet at the beginning of season 2 will be different from the one we met in season 1?

I’m not sure. I don’t know, because I don’t know anything about series 2. I don’t know how far it’s going to be removed from what happened at the end of series 1. I don’t know if she will have changed again by the time we see her again. I don’t know where she’ll be, what headspace she’ll be in. I assume she’ll fundamentally still be the same character, but the multiverse makes even [that] a little bit complicated. We can meet anyone.

You could be playing any version of Sylvie.

Exactly. I hope [the writers] give me enough chance to figure it out before they want me to start.

When will you start filming?

I’m not sure. It obviously won’t be this year, so I hope it’s next year.

With your schedule so up in the air, is that a struggle to build a life around, especially as a parent?

I’m getting used to it. It can be a little bit tricky when people are asking me, “Do you want to go on vacation next summer?” But, to be honest, that’s just the life of an actor. As soon as you book a holiday, you get a job. You usually have to cancel it. That’s the rule. So I’m used to the spontaneity of it, and I kind of love it. I’m not the kind of person that would do well sort of working a 9-to-5. I thrive on the unpredictability.

We see so much happen between Loki and Sylvie in those dramatic few seconds in the finale, right before she decides to kill He Who Remains and, inadvertently, launch the multiverse. Do you think, at this point, Sylvie has fallen in love with Loki? Is that what's happening here?

It’s a really tricky one. I think she definitely cares about Loki; it’s the closest she has ever been to loving another being. The fact that he cares about her, too, is probably wildly uncomfortable for her. She’s never been close to another person her whole life. So it’s super complicated. Obviously, she’s a variant of him, too, so I see it is about a sort of self-acceptance and self-love. Unfortunately, it’s happening at the same time she’s having to make a huge decision to fight for free will.

Ultimately, she chooses her revenge, and she chooses the path that she’s been planning to go down for her whole life—to kill He Who Remains. [To do that], she has to sort of get rid of Loki. I like to think of it as, she’s making sure he’s okay by getting him out of the way. He doesn’t stop her from doing what she needs to do, but she’s able to put him somewhere safe for a minute.

She definitely cares about him. I don’t know if she's in love with him. It’s such a complicated thing because he’s a sort of variant of her, too. There’s so many interpretations of it; you can find them if you Google it.

Speaking of theories: I know you don’t know anything about season 2, but for you, personally, is there anything in particular you want for Sylvie in the next chapter?

It would be easy for me to say I want her to be happy. I want her to find some peace, but I don’t know how interesting that would be to watch or play.

She’s so fun when she’s pissed-off and out for revenge! She’s such a strong, badass character that’s so empowering to play, and hopefully empowering to watch. I don’t know if I want that to be sorted. So who knows? I mean, it’d be nice to try on some new outfits.

You could take a page from your photo shoot and put on that gold dress.

Maybe we could sprinkle her with some glitter.

--

[tommodirection]

Little Sister

Harry Styles x Tomlinson! Reader

Word Count: 3.3k

Warnings: swearing, playful mentions of Larry

Masterlist

A/N: Heylo! I hope you enjoy this! I’ve been working on this for about a month now, never being able to finish it, but I decided to sit down and finish it tonight instead of wallowing in self-pity! The Larry mention at the end is meant to be funny and playful, not something to take seriously! Thank you and have a nice day! ❤️💕🥰

—

When your brother went to audition for the X-Factor in 2010, you expected him to come home after, maybe with a signed record deal, maybe not, but home nonetheless.

Instead, he was put into a boy band with four other boys, and moved out. Your mother was proud, of course as anyone would be, but that also meant her oldest child had left the nest.

That left you, now the oldest in the house, and your four younger sisters. Your mum was handling it the best she could, but with Mark out of the house constantly, it got stressful for her.

You didn’t like Mark that much, sure, he was nice, and he treated your mother alright, he just didn’t seem like a commitment kind of guy to you.

You were adopted shortly after your mum left Louis’s father. Mark was accepting of the fact that she already had two kids, but became a bit offended when she took your side in an argument instead of one of their kids.

You loved all your siblings equally, well, Louis a bit more than the other girls, but you still loved them no matter how their father acted.

When Louis left, you were left to help your mother with the other girls, Mark not being much help. You were often left to help them get ready for school, get ready for bed, and you even had to run errands for your mother.

Since you were only 16, and hadn’t gotten a driver’s license, you had to walk almost everywhere, but you didn’t mind, not when you were helping your mother.

Having a brother who had recently become a famous member of a boy band, also meant you had to watch all the girls at your school drool over him. This also meant that a lot more people were trying to be friendly to you.

Most of the girls at your school loved Louis, probably because they thought they had the best chance with him, not that they had any chance.

However, you preferred Harry. You always had a soft spot for sweet boys with curly hair, but this time felt different. It probably was just a silly little crush, you’d obsess for a few weeks and then get over it.

You were so, so wrong.

You watched your brother and his mates smash their way through the charts for the next two years, becoming the best boy band of the generation.

The whole family was immensely proud of him, even Mark. You were particularly proud of Harry, though the rest of your family didn’t really care.

The small crush hadn’t faded, instead it had grown in the past two years, each time you saw him on a photo your brother sent, or on TV, you flushed and your heart started racing.

He was just perfect. Perfect hair, perfect eyes, perfect dimples, perfect smile, perfect lips, perfect everything.

It honestly kind of upset you sometimes.

There you were, the sister of one of his best mates, same age as him too, and yet you had never met him.

That all changed when the band went to Madison Square Garden at the end of the year.

Since you were eighteen and finished with college, you were allowed to go with your mother to go see Louis perform.

As you and your mother approached the stadium, you felt a wave of awe wash over you. Your brother’s face was on the fucking front of Madison Square Garden. He was getting paid to be here.

Where the fuck did you go wrong?

The driver that Louis had hired pulled up in the front, allowing you both to get out along with Liam’s mum, Karen, who was a lovely lady.

You all climbed out of the car onto the busy New York City street, people busling past your trio to file into the large arena.

Your mother grabbed your hand and Karen’s as well, pulling you both into line.

Meanwhile, the boys were sitting in front of the camera, discussing their feelings about the upcoming show. Zayn and Liam were currently in the dressing room, and Niall was finishing his dinner, so Louis and Harry were left to be interviewed.

“You know, this is a big show for us, obviously,” Harry said, trying not to be gesticulative as he spoke, nerves buzzing through his body.

“Yeah, of course it’s big cos it’s MSG, but this is also the only one that all of us have at least one family member in the audience. Liam, Niall, and Zayn have their mums, Harry has his mum and stepdad, and my mum and sister are coming, which is of course rattling, you want them to be proud of you,” Louis said, leaning back on the couch.

Harry paused for a moment, “Wait, which sister?”

“Y/N, she’s finished with school, so mum let her come down, she’s ecstatic,” Louis smiled and Harry nodded, trying to keep a straight face for the camera.

He had never met you, he’s only heard stories from Louis, and seen pictures that his mum always sent him of all the girls.

He thought you were adorable, who wouldn’t? He wouldn’t call it a crush, he hadn’t even met you. However, there was definitely something about you that drew him near you.

Once you had gotten inside, Karen insisted on going to buy something. The concert was starting in a few minutes, so there weren’t many people at the tables, most already in their seats.

She was beaming, looking at all of the stuff with her son’s face on it, your mother bearing a similar smile. Karen spotted the cardboard cutouts of the boys. And her eyes lit up.

She rushed to buy one, your mother chuckling, but you could tell she was contemplating on buying one herself.

The pair began to walk away, the camera crew following them, but you stayed behind, stepping up to the cashier.

Your mother must’ve noticed you weren’t there, as seconds later she was at your side, rubbing your arm lightly.

“Whatcha buying?” She asked, humming as she moved her hand to your upper back.

You felt yourself flush as you ordered the Harry cutout. Your mother was laughing her arse off, clutching her stomach as she doubled over.

You felt embarrassed, but understood her reaction. Karen turned around to see the commotion and saw the cashier handing you the Harry cutout. She gave a light chuckle and waved you both over.

Your mother pretended to wipe a tear from her cheek, smirking at you, “Aw, my baby’s in love!” She teased and you bit your lip.

“Shut up,” you mumbled weakly.

The camera crew saw the interaction, getting the whole thing on tape. As you passed the camera, you gave it a small, awkward smile, stuffing the Harry under your arm.

The show was amazing, you didn’t expect any less.

The boys were energetic, entertaining the audience as they jumped and ran around the stage, clearly enjoying themselves.

You were placed in the front, along with the other mothers and Robin, Harry’s step-father. During Louis’ solos, you and your mother would cheer the loudest, the others doing the same for their respective child.

Each boy came to wave to all of you, grinning as they sang. Louis just made a funny face at you and your mother, almost missing his cue.

The other boys did similar things, running to wave while they were singing, but Harry hadn’t come over yet, something that was clearly disturbing Anne.

During a brief break in between songs, Harry came to sit on the edge of the stage in front of all of you. The fans surrounding you all were screaming, some laughing when he gave a bashful wave.

He brought the microphone to his mouth, interrupting Liam’s monologue.

“That’s my mummy!” He pointed to Anne, making her giggle as he bounced up and down where he sat. “Hi mummy!” He yelled, giving an over enthusiastic wave, the audience loving every second.

A grin spread across your face, watching the interaction warmed your heart. Anne was loving it, she blew Harry a kiss, and he caught it, pressing it to kiss cheek.

“I love you mum,” he said, seriously. The audience and all the boys on stage letting out a sweet ‘aw’.

“I love you, Hazza!” Anne tried to yell above the audience, her voice being drowned out, but Harry understood her perfectly.

He turned his attention to the rest of you, “Hi everyone!” He waved again, his grin still just as wide. His eyes scanned over each of you, and his met yours. “Y/N? You’re Lou’s sister, right?” He asked and you nodded, trying to ignore your mum poking your arm. “Damn!” He yelled and you felt yourself gaping, Louis standing up quickly.

“Excuse me?” He asked, in mock offense.

Harry realized his mistake, “No, no, no! That came out wrong,” he turned to you, “I didn’t mean any disrespect, I just mean that I imagined you being like,” he held up his hand a few feet off the ground, “this tall based on how Lou described you, and that is certainly not the case,” he affirmed and Louis playfully rolled his eyes.

“Sure,” he dragged it out, “I’m sure that’s what you meant,” he joked, and Harry stood, brushing off his bum.

“Anyways! On with the show!”

—

A few months later, the boys sat huddled around a table in the film director’s conference room.

The film was finally completed, and the boys were invited to watch it and suggest changes. The boys were a bit into the film now, mostly taking the piss out of it and teasing each other.

Then came the footage from Madison Square Garden.

The boys stayed silent the whole time that the mothers were speaking, being quiet for the first time since the film started.

After showing the mothers’ thoughts on them performing at MSG, it cut to the interviews backstage. It was mostly just the boys’ preparation. Harry and Louis’ interview showed up, and the teasing started right up again.

“Louis, did you see the way his face lit up when you mentioned Y/N?” Liam said through laughter, Zayn and Niall laughing with him.

Harry was glaring at the boys, trying to avoid looking at Louis, a furious blush coating his cheeks. Louis was trying to hide his smile, looking at Harry out of the corner of his eye.

Truth was, he didn’t mind at all. Sure, it was a little weird, but he knew Harry, and Louis knew about your little crush on him, your mum had told him about it and had even sent pictures of the Harry cutout, now set up in your room. He would rather you date Harry than some random kid from Doncaster. You and Harry would work well together, he may even dare to say you were perfect for each other. There was only one problem; you hadn’t met.

The boys had finally calmed down and the rest of the film continued. While Liam and Niall were talking about the time they had to be smuggled through a bread van, Louis took his chance. He leaned over, catching Harry’s attention, “Don’t listen to them, if I’m being honest with you, I wouldn’t mind if you dated my sister,” he whispered, Harry immediately getting flustered.

“I, what? I don’t know what you’re talking about, you’re mad,” Harry mumbled and Louis chuckled, patting Harry’s knee.

“It’s alright lad, no need to explain yourself.”

The topic wasn’t brought up again until the movie came out.

Well, it technically hadn’t come out yet. Each boy was allowed to stream it at their home, they were sent digital copies. Louis had invited you over to watch it a week before it officially came out, and of course you had said yes.

You decided to spend the week with him, needing a break from managing the house with your mother. You had felt guilty, seeing as it was now her alone, Mark had left early on in your brother’s departure. Although, Dan, her new fiancé, was there to help out a bit.

You pulled up outside his apartment building, parking and grabbing your bag from the passenger’s seat. You made your way into the apartment, keeping your head down as you knocked on the door.

Louis opened it, throwing his arms open with a large grin on his face. You set your bag down, giggling as you wrapped your arms around him, squeezing him tightly.

“I missed you,” you mumbled into his chest.

“I missed you too,” he said, swaying with you in the doorway for a moment. He pulled away, a shit-eating grin on his face. “I hope you don’t mind, but I invited someone else over too!”

“I don’t mind,” you said, squinting at your brother, why was he being so cheeky about it?

“Great! Alright, come on in! Harry’s on the couch, and before we watch the film, we’re gonna watch interviews!” He ushered you inside, grabbing your bag.

You stopped once you had entered the house, turning back to Louis, “Hold, go back there for a second, did you say Harry’s here?” You asked, quickly panicking.

You were answered by a voice behind you, “Louis, is your guest…” Harry trailed off as you turned around. He gaped for a moment, clearing his throat quickly, “Oh, uhm, hi Y/N, Louis didn’t say you were coming,” his eyes left you to quickly glance at Louis.

“Hi,” you mumbled, biting the inside of your cheek.

It was quiet for a few moments, and Louis interjected, “Ready to watch the interviews?” He asked, not even waiting for an answer as he dragged both of you to the living room.

He sat down on the couch, pulling you and Harry on either side of him. “They sent me a weird version they made that has the interviews first, and the movie immediately after,” he leaned over and picked up a napkin he had set on the table.

On it were two times stamps, one that was pretty early on, and one that was presumably later in the film. He scrolled on the TV for a moment, getting the setting right and pressing start once the DVD was processed.

He began to fast forward through most of the interviews, you were a bit confused when he came to a stop in the middle of the interviews. You were about to say something, but he turned the volume all the way up, pressing play.

“If you had to set up your sister with one of the band, and you could trust them, who would it be?” The interviewer asked, leaning forwards as she spoke.

Liam and Zayn erupted, “None, none of them!” They both chided, clear looks of disgust on their face.

Louis sat contemplating for a moment, both Liam and Zayn looking at him with knowing smiles, “I have an ideal pair in mind, I’m not going to verify who, the lads already know who it is, my sister doesn’t, but I’ve got a plan,” he smirked, nodding enthusiastically.

The Louis next to you looked at his napkin again, fast forwarding it again, this time you were sat for a little bit longer, the tension in the room growing thicker. Both you and Harry had a feeling that he was talking about you guys, but neither of you dared say anything.

He unpaused it again, this time it was the actual film, iit showed you and your mum, along with Karen, it was the MSG footage.

You began panicking, trying to grab the remote from Louis, “Louis, Louis, turn it off, turn it off!” You yelled as you tackled him, reaching for the remote he was holding high.

He ducked to his side, quickly stuffing the remote down his trousers as the film continued playing. He gave you a triumphant smirk, but you narrowed your eyes, “don’t think I won’t look in there,” you threatened, and he shot up, running to the washroom, giggling the whole way.

You let out a grunt of defeat, collapsing on the couch and shrinking in on yourself, hiding your face in your hands. “Oh god, ‘m so so sorry Harry,” you grumbled, sinking further into the couch.

Harry let out a low chuckle, “It’s alright, love. I’ve already seen the movie,” he admitted and you let out an exasperated sigh.

“Shit,” you mumbled.

“Hey, nothing to be embarrassed about,” he assured, you felt him put his hand on your knee, making you flush even further. “In fact, if the roles were reversed, I probably would’ve bought a cutout of you too,” he began rubbing a small circle on your knee.

You removed your hands from your face at his confession, looking at him in confusion, “Wait, really?”

“Of course! When we first got together as a band, you called Louis, and he stepped outside for a minute to talk to you, when he got back, he had the biggest smile on his face. At first we thought that it was a girl he’d been talking to, but then he told us it was his sister, and I just had to know more about the girl who made him smile that big. He began talking about you, and about your other family of course, but I couldn’t stop thinking about how he described you, then he showed me pictures, and you just blew me away, as cheeky as it sounds,” he laughed lightly, your eyes traced his profile, “then I saw you at MSG, and I was even more shocked, you were much more mature than the last picture Louis had showed us. I couldn’t stop thinking about the girl who smiled brighter than sun, the one who loved her family more than anything, the one who could make anyone laugh just by speaking, and I hadn’t even met you! But now I’ve actually met you, and even seeing you wrestled with Louis earlier, it confirmed everything I already thought.” He paused, his eyes opening quickly, “I-Uhm, if you don’t like any of that, you can just ignore all of it.”

You sat in disbelief, joy overwhelming you, “Wait, so you like me?”

“I mean, yeah, if that whole speech wasn’t convincing enough, I can show you my diary,” he offered, and you put a finger to his lips.

“As tempting as that is, I really want to kiss you right now, is that alright?” You asked, scooting closer to him on the couch.

“Yeah, that would be amazing,” he giggled, placing his hand on your cheek as your lips met.

It was awkward at first, you were both angled on the couch, neither position comfortable. You shifted closer, slowly crawling onto his lap, quickly pulling away to make sure it was okay with him. When he gave you a subtle nod, you connected your lips again, his sweet, oddly sugary, plush lips. You ran your fingers through his curls, quickly tangling them. He put his hands on your waist, pulling you closer to him as you continued to kiss. It was heavenly, everything you had ever dreamed of. Of course, your paradise had to be interrupted by something.

“Oi Oi!” Louis yelled from the hallway, “I get you like each other and all, but this is my couch, come on lads!” He complained, causing you to hurry off of Harry’s lap, taking a seat beside him. He playfully scoffed, pointing a finger at you, “Now, I’m going to get some food from the kitchen, no snogging while I’m gone!” He demanded as he walked out of the room.

You and Harry giggle to yourself, he turned to you, a playful smile adorning his face, “y’know, now that I’m dating a Tomlinson, maybe the Larries will finally back off,” he joked, earning a chuckle from you.

“Oh darling, you’re forgetting one thing,” you chided, he turned to you, obviously confused. “I’m the biggest Larrie of them all,” you teased.

“Oh shut it!” Both he and Louis yelled.

Permanent Taglist (If you want to be added just let me know!): @notsosmexy @ladytommomomoa @franchesca-791 @alwayshave-faith @bxtchboy69

[entertainment]

Entertainment Spotlight: Bebe Wood, Love, Victor

Bebe Wood is an actress and musician who stars in Hulu’s series Love, Victor, the spinoff series from the film Love, Simon. Bebe is best known for her roles as Shania on The New Normal and as Shannon on The Real O’Neals. When she’s not on the screen, Bebe is an activist supporting LGBTQ rights, a singer/songwriter, and a screenwriter. She hails from Kansas City, Missouri. Bebe took the time to chat with us about Love, Victor, music, and more. Check it out:

What first drew you to the project?

The week I got the call to audition was actually a very busy one. I was in the studio recording some music and didn’t have time for much else. (When you’re recording, you become a sort of vampiric night creature that rejects normal working hours). Immediately, the project stood out to me, as I was a fan of the film. So, the next day, I awoke at a reasonable hour and made a self-tape before heading back into the vampire studio lair!

Can you tell us a little bit about your character, Lake? Would you be friends if you met IRL?

I always describe Lake’s outward demeanor as an Elle Woods from Legally Blonde with a dash of RuPaul. She’s pretty fabulous, pompous, and sensitive underneath the surface. We’d be friends IRL. She’d be my go-to gal for Drag Brunch at Hamburger Mary’s.

If you could spend one episode playing another character, which character would you want to play, and why?

I’d like to spend one episode playing Andrew, so I get to do a whole bunch of scenes with cute basketball players. Obviously.

What do you hope the audience takes away from watching Love, Victor?

I hope that Love, Victor brings just a few people some comfort and joy to help get through this tumultuous time.

Can you remember the first time you decided you wanted to be an actress?

I first realized I wanted to become an actor after I saw a production of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang on the West End when I was 3 years old. We were sat in the front row (much to my parent’s dismay), and during the middle of the show, the Child Catcher reached down, put his sickle on my nose, and said, “I’ll get you kiddy widdy.” I burst into laughter (much to my parent’s surprise), and it all went downhill from there. 

What do you like to do when you’ve had a bad day, and how do you like to celebrate the good ones?

Bad days are only bad days if you call them so. I’m fairly addicted to reading the news, so there’s always a bit of weight there, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I think it’s about celebrating every day, even if it’s a “bad one.” It’s about being aware of the world around me and realizing how lucky I am, I suppose. All days are good days, even if they aren’t the sunniest, you know? But anyways- the unpretentious answer is DANCE PARTIES!

Aside from acting, you are also a singer/songwriter and screenwriter. Can you tell us about any exciting projects you’re working on?

I’m a screenwriter?! I’m suddenly very proud of the one short film I made a couple years back. Haha! Regarding music, I have an EP and a few singles coming out later this year. I’ve been noodling away at various instruments since I was a wee child, so this process of finally recording has been very exciting.

Who are your biggest influences?

I listen to everything from Buddy Holly to Busta Rhymes. Motown records and The Beatles are staples. I’m huge on Blues and Jazz from the 30s/40s. But I also adore the occasional film score, especially Danny Elfman. I’m all over the place. Always. There are too many talented people to be influenced by!

Describe each of the following in one word: Who you are, what you value the most, and what you’d be if you were a food item.

Bebe, kindness-love-Ruth-Bader-Ginsburg (one word), and peaches.

Thanks for taking the time, Bebe! Love, Victor season 1 is now available to stream on Hulu.

[tiesandtea]

Simon Gilbert

Simon Says

We interviewed Simon Gilbert, Suede’s drummer, whose book So Young: Suede 1991-1993 is a journal and photographic document of the band’s early years that will be published October 8th. So Young has foreword by journalist Stuart Maconie and a vibrant, lively text by Simon himself, documenting his move from Stratford-on-Avon, his hometown, to London, the audition with Suede, life in the van, the early success years and the many amusing things that come with it. It is one of those rare books that make an outsider feel like they were there, in the van. Or in absurd mansions in L.A. belonging to industry types. Or was it record producer(s)?…

The conversation extended to Coming Up, Suede’s third album that turned 25 this year and drumming. Simon’s witty, often, one-liners contrast with my more elaborate questions, proving an interesting insight into our way of writing/replying.

by Raquel Pinheiro

So Young: Suede 1991-1993

What made you want to realease So Young?

I was searching through my archives when researching for the insatiable ones movies and found lots of old negatives and my diaries. They had to be seen.

When and why did you start your Suede archives?

As you can see from the book, it stared from the very first audition day.

From the concept idea to publishing how long did it took you to put So Young together?

30 years … I’ve always wanted to make a book since I was first in a band.

What was your selection process for which items – diary entries, photos, etc.- would be part of the book?

I wanted to form a story visually with a few bits of info thrown in here and there, also most of the photos tie in with pages from the diaries.

Which methods, storage, preservation, maintenance, if at all, do you employ to keep the various materials in your archives in good shape?

Boxes in an attic … one thing about getting the book out is that I don’t have to worry about the photos getting lost forever. It’s out there in a book!

Other than medium what differences existed between selecting material for The Insatiable Ones documentary and for So Young?

Video and photos … photos don’t translate well on a TV screen.

Do you prefer still or motion pictures and why?

I prefer photos … they capture a particular moment in time … as video does, but there’s a unique atmosphere with a photo.

So Young’s cover photo has a very Caravaggio and ballet feeling to it. Its chiaroscuro also contrasts with the images inside.  Why did you choose it for the cover?

It was a striking shot and I wanted the book to be black and dark …it fitted perfectly.

How many of the photos on So Young were taken by you?

Probably about 3/4 my 3 school friends who were there with me at the beginning Iain, Kathy and Phillip took a load of us onstage, backstage, after  the gig, etc., photos I couldn’t take myself.

So Young can be placed alongside books like Henry Rollins’ Get in The Van and Michael Azerrad’s Our Band Could Be Your Life, that not only chronicle and show the less glamorous, more mundane side of being in a band, but also totally immerse the reader so deep in it that we are there, feeling and going through the same things. Was your selection of materials meant to convey that “band being your(our) life” sensation?

Yes, exactly that. I was fascinated by photos of bands, not on the front cover of a magazine or on TV. The other bits of being in a band are far more interesting.

In the foreword, Stuart Maconie mentions the brevity of your diary entries which, as someone who keeps diaries, I immediately noticed. Do you prefer to tell and record a story and events with images?

I haven’t kept a diary since the end of 1993 … looking back on them they can be a bit cringeful … So, yes, I prefer images.

Contrasting with the diary entries brevity your text  that accompanies So Young is lively, witty, detailed and a good description of the struggles of a coming of age, heading towards success, band. Do you think the text and images reveal too much into what it really is like being in a band, destroying the myth a bit?

I think the myth of being in a band is long gone … Reality is the new myth…

In So Young you write that when you first heard Never Mind The Bollocks by The Sex Pistols music was to be your “future dream”. How has the dream been so far?

Still dreaming … lose your dreams and you will lose your mind … like Jagger said.

Is there a reason why So Young only runs from 1991 to 1993?

Yes, I bought a video camera in 1993. It was so much easier filming everything rather than take a photo, wait 3 weeks to get it developed and find out it was blurred.

So Young has a limited deluxe numbered and signed edition already sold out. The non deluxe edition also seems to be heading the same way. How important is it for you to keep a close relationship with the fans?

So important. I love interacting with the fans and is so easy these days … I had to write replies by hand and post them out in 1993…

Playing Live Again & Coming Up

Before Suede’s concert at Qstock Festival in Oulu, Finland on 31.07.2021 you wrote on your social media “cant fucking wait dosnt come close!!!!!” and Mat [Osman, Suede’s bassist] on his “An honest-to-goodness rehearsal for an honest-to-goodness show. Finally”. How did it feel like going back to play live?

It was great. Heathrow was empty which was amazing. A bit strange to play for the first time after 2 years …., but great to get out again.

Coming Up was released 25 years ago. How does the record sound and seems to you now compared with by then?

I haven’t listened to it for a long time actually … love playing that album live … some great drumming.

Before the release of Coming Up fans and the press were wondering if Suede would be able to pull it off. What was your reaction when you first heard the new songs and realize the album was going in quite a different direction than Dog Man Star?

Far too long ago to remember.

Coming Up become a classic album. It even has its own Classical Albums documentary. Could you see the album becoming a classic by then?

I think so yes .. there was always something to me very special about that album.

Is it different to play Coming Up songs after Suede’s return? Is there a special approach to concerts in which a single album is played?

No … didn’t even need to listen to the songs before we first rehearsed … They’re lodged in my brain.

Which is your Coming Up era favourite song as a listener and which one do you prefer as a drummer?

The Chemistry Between Us.

Will the Coming Up shows consist only of the album or will B-sides be played as well?

Definitely some B-sides and some other stuff too.

Simon & Drumming

If you weren’t a drummer how would your version of “being the bloke singing at the front” be like?

Damned awful … I auditioned as a singer once, before I started drumming … It was awful!

In his book Stephen Morris says that all it takes to be a drummer is a flat surface and know how to count. Do you agree?

No.

Then, what makes a good drummer?

Being in the right band.

Topper Headon of the Clash is one of your role models. Who are the others?

He is, yes … fantastic drummer.

Charlie Watts is the other great …and Rat Scabies … superb.

She opens with drums so does Introducing the band. Your drumming gives the band a distinctive sound. How integral to Suede’s sound are the drums?

Well, what can I say … VERY!

Do you prefer songs that are driven by the drums or songs in which the drums are more in the background?

Bit of both actually … I love in your face stuff like She, Filmstar …, but ikewise, playing softer stuff is very satisfying too.

You’re not a songwriter. How much freedom and input do you have regarding drum parts?

If the songs needs it, I’ll change it.

Do you prefer blankets, towels or a pillow inside the bass drum?

Pillows.

Do you use gaffer tape when recording? If so, just on the snare drum or also on the toms? What about live?

Lots of the stuff … gaffer tape has been my friend both live and in the studio for 30 years.

What is the depth of your standard snare drum and why?

Just got a lovely 7-inch Bog wood snare from Repercussion Drums … sounds amazing. It is a 5000 year old Bog wood snare.

Standard, mallets, rods or brushes?

Standard. I hate mallets and rods are always breaking after one song. Brushes are the worst …no control.

How many drum kits have you owned? Of those, which is your favourite?

5 … my fave is my DW purple.

How long to you manage without playing? Do you play air drums?

7 years 2003 – 2010 … and never.

Can you still assemble and tune your drum kit?

Assemble, yes …tune no …have never been any good at that.

You dislike digital/electronic drum kits, but used one during the pandemic. Did you become more found of them?

Still hate them … unfortunately,  they are a necessary evil.

When you first joined Suede you replaced a drum machine. Would it be fair to say you didn’t mind taking its job?

Fuck him!

Brett [Anderson, Suede’s singer] as described the new album as “nasty, brutish and short”. How does that translates drums wise?

Very nasty brutish and short.

When researching for the interview I come across the statement below on a forum: “If you’re in a band and you’re thinking about how to go about this, get every player to come up with their own track list & have a listening party. I’ve done this, not only is it great fun, it’s also massively insightful when it comes to finding out what actually is going on inside the drummer’s head!”. What actually is going on inside the drummer’s head?

Where’s my fucking lighter!

And what is going on inside the drummer as a documentarist head? How does Simon, the drummer, differs from Simon, the keen observer of his own band, bandmates, fans, himself, etc.?

There is no difference … I’m Simon here there and everywhere…

What would the 16 years old Simon who come to London think of current Simon? What advice would you give to your younger self?

Don’t smoke so much you fool!

[tsukinikawatteus]

Smarty McFly

Recently I found myself really bothered with this one thing: in collective consciousness (and therefore, in the majority of fan-made content) Doc and Marty are perceived as an archetype “Brains and Heart” duo, with Marty being presented as this extremely cool and resilient teenager, though severely lacking in understanding of science/mechanics/any other intelligent activity. Basically, Marty is a dumb dumb.

Let’s look into this issue more carefully.

First, Marty considers Doc, the town’s nutcase scientist, his best friend and obviously spends a lot of time at the lab assisting with various inventions and experiments. We don’t have a solid answer on how long exactly they’ve been friends for, but the fact that they’re willing to risk their lives for each other? I say it’s been long enough for Marty to slowly develop interest in all the science-y stuff Doc’s constantly working on; by helping him out he totally should’ve gained some practical experience and has an idea of how things work, why they don’t work and how to make them work. Besides, seeing Doc so passionate about his inventions and listening to him explaining complicated processes in an entertaining way makes it quite difficult to not be at least interested in science.

With all that being said, it’s worth paying some attention to evidence. In one of the “Back to the Future” deleted scenes, we can see Doc rummaging through his 1955 lab looking for tools to examine the DeLorean. Meanwhile, Marty is trying to connect the JVC video camera from ‘85 to a ‘55 TV set. Doesn’t this seem kind of strange? Shouldn’t Doc be doing the “brainy” work as the local genius, instead of a 17-year old rock-and-roll loving teenager? Well, it gets better: Marty asks Doc if he has a 75 Ohm matching transformer:

and after getting a “What?” for an answer, he realizes it hasn’t been invented yet and he would have to come up with something else to show Doc the footage on the camera.

First of, excuse me? A 75 Ohm matching transformer? Is this what they taught kids in small towns’ schools back in 1985?

While Doc is inspecting his future self’s “personal belongings”, we can see Marty on the background, explaining what a hairdryer is and literally making the ‘85 camera work on a 30-years old TV set even without the 75 Ohm matching transformer or any help whatsoever.

Furthermore, here’s a Polaroid picture taken behind the scenes in Marty’s room set:

He has a fancy keyboard and a heart-warming photo of Jennifer, but that’s not the point right now. As we can see, there’s a yellow envelope - the one which contains the Pinheads’ audition tape, ready to be sent to the record company (Marty finally decides to actually send it and he is carrying the envelope after waking up in the new ‘85 timeline). What’s more interesting is the tangled wires, tools, empty tape cases, batteries, the Rubik’s cube and audio equipment the table is practically buried under. This leads to a conclusion that Marty worked on cutting and editing his band’s tape himself, making sure they sounded their best, and it requires solid technical skills, as well as decent hardware (maybe he borrowed some from Doc?).

Also, how fascinated, yet attentive he looks when Doc explains how the time machine works? Very nice.

To sum it all up, Marty is not a dumb dumb. He may have one brain cell, but this brain cell is extremely intelligent, into science, tech and everything in Doc’s field of work, eager to learn new skills and able to use them brilliantly when necessary.

[bluecrusadearcade]

Harrison Osterfield is not your regular irregular

By Baker Street, Gentleman’s Journal quizzes the star of Netflix’s new drama on world records, Sherlock Holmes and his golf swing…

Draped in a silk shirt and paisley scarf, Harrison Osterfield is shivering his way across a brisk Regent’s Park. But he’s not complaining. Why would he? After all, the 24-year-old has dealt with worse. In his latest television series alone — Netflix’s The Irregulars — he’s tussled with demonic crows, paranormal serial killers and even the occult. So a little nip in the air? Nothing to worry about.

“I do have my eye on that jumper, though,” beams Osterfield from behind a bold pair of sunglasses. I don’t blame him. It’s a chunky-knit, funnel-neck number from Connolly, and the next piece of clothing lined up for this al fresco photoshoot. But, for now, the young actor must grit his chattering teeth — and continue striking willowy poses in that billowy shirt.

And those poses are turning heads. Dog-walkers, taxi drivers and tourists are all picking up on Osterfield’s energy; a coolly British blend of big grins and bouncy enthusiasm. He swings from a lamppost! He dances through daffodils! He feeds the pigeons! NW1 hasn’t seen this much action in months…

And we’ve come to Regent’s Park for obvious reasons; Baker Street snakes down from its south-west corner. And, on that famous thoroughfare, sits the fictional digs of Sherlock Holmes. But The Irregulars, a supernatural-tinged drama named for Holmes’ gang of trusty street informants, wasn’t shot in London. Rather, it was filmed on the authentically old streets of Sheffield and Liverpool — the same cobbles walked by the Peaky Blinder boys. So this, Osterfield grins, is a fun opportunity to see the real thing.

“All of the rest of the cast,” he admits, “are really big Sherlock fans. I’ve never really read any of the Sherlock books. I’ve seen maybe one Robert Downey Jr. film? So I was very new going into it.”

Today, then, will be a crash course. Because, after we get Osterfield out of the park (and into that jumper), we’re heading to the Holmes Hotel for a coffee and a catch-up. It’s a relatively new hotel just off Baker Street, decked out with knowing nods to the world’s greatest detective. There’s a bronze bulldog guarding the door, pipe-patterned wallpaper and signature cocktails at the sadly-closed bar (anyone for a ‘Case Closed’?).

But, though there are only suggestions of Sherlock in the Holmes Hotel, Osterfield explains that they’re even subtler in the show. Because The Irregulars, in a nutshell (wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma), sidelines the sleuth, and shifts the focus onto Osterfield and his fellow gang members. The actor plays one of the show’s leads; frail runaway nobleman Prince Leopold. All sullen glances and broken bones, his story is the heart of this first season.

“And it’s been a long project in the making,” says Osterfield, noting that filming on The Irregulars began almost two years ago. “That’s quite daunting. When you’ve spent that much time on something and you’ve got no idea how it’s going to turn out?

“It means that, now, it’s crunch time,” he continues, face creasing with mock-worry, “and I have no idea how people are going to react. But I’m really proud of the work, and that’s what I’m taking away from it.”

The Irregulars may be Osterfield’s first lead role — but he’s been acting for years, popping up in several short films and the George Clooney-directed adaptation of Catch-22 before Netflix took notice. His first role came at 11-years-old, when he was cast as Tiny Tim in his school’s stage production of A Christmas Carol. “It’s funny, actually,” says Osterfield, “because it’s quite a similar physicality to my role in The Irregulars”.

“But that’s where it started,” he continues. “And the real reason I got into acting was because there was this girl in the drama class who I really liked. I thought, if I joined up and impressed her, I could take her out on a date. That didn’t happen. But, although she wasn’t interested at all — the acting seems to be going okay!”

It certainly does. But, like actors all over the world, it’s been a very slow year for Osterfield. He returned to set in September to finish filming the Netflix show — but the rest of his lockdown was eerily, cannily familiar to everyone else’s.

“I went back to my home in Kingston,” he nods, “where I was living with three of my best mates who are also actors. Quite a few of my friends are in theatre, and they had a really tough time of it — not knowing what was going to happen next. I was very lucky, knowing that I was going back to finish something”.

The actor says it was strange being locked-down with fellow performers. With sets closed around the country and curtains falling on theatres, it was one of the first times they had all been at home together. But, even with the additional pressure, he says there were no problems. And there never have been, according to Osterfield — as it’s rare that he and his friends ever compete for the same role.

“We’re all very different castings!” he laughs. “Which is good. It’s a mixed bag, really. But it’s very useful when you’ve got to self-tape an audition and there’s another actor literally upstairs. Also, we’ve all known each other for ten years, so we’ve grown up together and, luckily, know when not to push each other’s buttons.”

With no work, Osterfield spent most of his 2020 getting stuck into lockdown. And he shamelessly tried every self-isolated stereotype. He binge-watched every sports documentary from Drive to Survive to Last Chance U. He upped the frequency and intensity of his workouts. He even tried his hand at cooking. He tried everything.

“I did try everything!” the actor laughs, fizzing once more with that lamppost-swinging, daffodil-dancing energy. “Really! I think I went though every lockdown activity there is. I gave baking a go for two weeks — that didn’t work out. I made a banana bread and that was it. I’m not going to be delving into that any more…

“We were quite lucky, though,” he adds, “because we had an outdoor space. We built a homemade golf net in our garden, by putting up two wooden poles and hanging a blue screen we had left over from filming. That kept us entertained most days”.

But, despite the failed banana breads, closed-off golf courses and Irregulars anxiety, Osterfield says that the worst thing about lockdown was missing his family.

“Because we’re a very close family”, he explains. “Massively so. And, usually, we’d have family gatherings every other weekend – my whole family are in East Grinstead and closer to Brighton, so real countryside. I’m honestly just looking forward to the day, with summer on the horizon, that we can do some good barbecues outside.

“We even tried family Zoom quizzes over lockdown,” he adds, “and they all figured out that I’m not that clever. The rest of my family all seem really, really intelligent. I don’t know if they were just revising beforehand, but I was definitely last a couple of times…”

And Osterfield’s most inspiring family member — not to mention the most irregular — is his 89-year-old grandfather. Despite the young actor upping his own fitness levels during lockdown (“I started doing handstand push-ups. That’s my new skill!”) Osterfield’s grandfather put those athletic achievements to shame.

“He’s fitter than me!” laughs Osterfield. “He’s been kept at home for most of the time and, as a family, we’ve been quite worried about him. But I struggle to keep up with him. I’ll ring him up and ask how his day’s going and he’ll say ‘Oh, hi Harry. Can I call you back later on? I’m just doing some exercise’. So he’s doing better than okay!”

But the exercising, Osterfield says seriously, has been a real lifeline. It’s kept both him and his mind busy during lockdown — and has motivated the actor to pursue more physical, active roles in the future. If he can look back at a body of versatile work, measured out in marked body transformations, he says he’ll be happy.

“I’ve been doing a lot of bodyweight exercise over the last year,” he nods. “I thought it would be quite cool, while in lockdown, to break a world record for something — so I’ve been trying lots of fitness challenges. I’m very close to getting the most burpee chin-ups in under a minute. I’ve got to knuckle down on that.

“I also tried to eat an apple in under 38 seconds,” he laughs. “Which sounds like a long time, but it’s actually quite difficult. And, with apples, I eat everything. Even the middle bit. Even the stem. I just chuck it down. I’m a big fruit bat, so I eat everything apart from the seeds.”

There’s that bouncy energy again; that fun-but-utterly-sincere enthusiasm. It’s an odd thing for an actor, to be so happily unabashed by everything — but the 24-year-old is as animated when talking about his acting as he is about his apples. And that’s nice to see. He’s clearly relishing every opportunity to better himself, and just getting started with what promises to be a very exciting career. Harrison Osterfield, it seems, takes every bite of the apple — literally. Talk about irregular.

[angrylizardjacket]

all these bones in my closet (and the back of my mind)

Summary: When Colson meets Lola Gone at The Dirt's read through, he's not quite sure what he was expecting. He definitely wasn't expecting to feel like he already knew her.

[ Run to Paradise ]

He’s not quite sure what he was expecting; he’d seen photos, and footage, and read tabloids about the band’s exploits from archives put online, and everything that had been said about her in The Dirt book, and in Nikki’s Heroin Diaries, but truthfully, he has no idea what he’s expecting.

Lola wears a suit.

A month into filming, someone will mention that she runs Lionheart Management, and Colson’s perceptions of her will shatter once again, all but kicking himself for not making the connection since he’d looking into potentially signing with them a few years ago. Now, however, in the initial read-through of the script, Lola, sat between Nikki and Tommy, themselves wearing far more casual clothing, wearing a pristine, all-black suit, her hair slicked back and immaculate. If it weren’t for the array of earrings in her ears, and her closeness with the two band members, he probably wouldn’t have recognized her at all.

Lola’s unassuming, watching the actors give it their all as they read through the script for the first time with an audience, laughing along, occasionally resting her head on either one of her companions’ shoulders, warmth in her eyes. Courtney Eaton, the woman playing Lola, is sat between Colson himself, and Douglas Booth, creating a mirror of their older counterparts, though the younger three lack the inherent familiarity and intimacy, having only met a few weeks ago, rather than decades.

The script and the woman across the table don’t seem to match up. Lola’s just as nasty, debauched, and hedonistic as any of the band members, screwing her way around the scene with the best of them, practically feral at times. If he were a more prudish man, Colson would probably have blushed at half the scenes he shared with Courtney, realising how intimate they’d have end up getting, but the whole cast was more than onboard, and everyone just seemed excited; they all knew what they were signing up for.

“After everything went down with Roxy,” Colson read out the voice over, eyes on his script, “Lola and I took a trip to Boston.”

“Lola and Tommy sit opposite each other in a booth in a diner, sunlight silhouetting them as we see a bright, suburban street outside,” the director reads out, and when Colson looks up, trying to gauged Tommy and Lola’s reaction, Tommy’s got his arm around her, and Lola’s surprisingly somber.

“Are you really gonna kill her?” Colson reads, and Courtney, who’s frowning down at her own script, responds with a single-word affirmation, “to say Lola had a rough childhood was the understatement of the century, it’s something I’ll probably never understand,” he reads as the voice over, before getting back to the scene, “I can’t- I’m not gonna help you kill your fucking mom!”

“Then go home.” Courtney snaps in character.

“This isn’t fun, Lols, this is serious shit -”

“Then go the fuck home! Better yet, send me someone who will help, send me Nikki!”

Beside them, Douglas sucks in a breath between his teeth, and the words fill the room. Lola herself has pressed her face to Tommy’s shoulder, and she’s muttering something that no-one else can hear. Colson, after a moment, clears his throat and looks back down at his script.

“Tommy stands abruptly and leaves,” the director announces, and Courtney takes a deep breath.

“I don’t remember this,” she says softly, “I don’t remember saying half the shit I can never take back, I was spiraling so wildly out of control, losing my boys and myself to the highlife.”

“We descend into a super wide shot of Vince’s mansion at night, with a party in full swing,” the director cuts in, before Courtney continues with her voice over.

“I never hurt my mom, for the record, but apparently I scared the shit out of Tommy; I lost him that day, for good reason. First Vince, and even Mick wasn’t speaking to me. All I had left was the only constant I’d known. Maybe that was the problem.”

And then at the party, Nikki and Lola are getting high together, oblivious to most of the outside world, and looking across the table, Colson’s surprised to see Lola looking right back at him, expression carefully neutral. There’s something in her eyes that he knows but can’t quite identify, and after a moment, her expression turns thoughtful, barely tilting her head, but he immediately knows she’s considering something about him.

I know you is the feeling he gets in his chest, inexplicably, but he quickly buries it and smiles at her, wide and cheerful, hoping at least that she was enjoying the read through. After a moment, Lola smiles back, crows feet and laugh lines creasing across her face, making her instantly seem warmer. But there’s still that indescribable something in her eyes that he knows.

When he gets to speak to her, gets to talk to her, he finds she’s grounded and easygoing, and it’s easy to compartmentalize, to forget all the things he knows she’s done, how much of her he’s seen, how much of her the world has seen, in the most literal sense, and to just see her as a successful business woman.

Perhaps that’s the thing, that he, like the rest of the world, only know the superficial things about her; she’s associated with Motley Crue, but she’s not in the band, so no-one’s ever really been as interested in going in-depth with her. There’s still arguments about whether she dated or just slept with Vince, Nikki, and Tommy when the band first formed, and how she really met them.

“You remind me of Tommy, back when I first met him,” her voice is rough, after decades of smoking and partying, her smile fond as she regards Colson.

“Thanks?” He gives a confused grin; there’s too many conflicting stories about Tommy Lee for him to draw any sort of conclusion as to what she means by that.

“It’s a compliment,” she clarifies, “that motherfucker was full of energy, bright as the sun, heart of gold; I’ve pretty much loved him since the moment I met him,” that was certainly a compliment, and something about it feels more like she’s giving him her seal of approval than anything else.

Lola doesn’t tell him then, but she saw her younger self when she looked at him, just as she’d seen Tommy. She’d seen her ambition and anger and loss, the fear of being used, the desperate need to run from something, but not sure what, not realising that part of it is wanting to just run from yourself, all of it reflected back at her. She’d seen someone who does what it takes to survive; as much as she loves Tommy, he’s never been truly cut-throat.

But Colson... she saw a kid who can keep up with the world he’s found himself in, even though he sometimes doesn’t understand it. She saw a kid who made it big despite the odds, despite their upbringing, despite not knowing to consolidate the two opposite worlds he’d known, though they’re both so clearly a part of him. She saw a kid who knows loss.

But she can’t say that.

So she tells him he reminds her of Tommy, of enthusiasm, and energy, and heart. Colson smiles, and thanks her, bright and sunny.

I know you, she’d felt it in her chest before she’d really met him, when she’d first seen his audition tape, and idly scrolled through his Instagram, and listened to his music.

They’d both made something of themselves when they were young, so young they didn’t stop and consider the cost.

[carlosgabrielruiz]

PINKERTON - 33 1/3 Proposal Part 6

CHAPTER 4 Many Rivers to Cross:A Brief History of Rivers Cuomo

For most people, Weezer begins and ends with Rivers Cuomo. Period. Point blank. Rivers Cuomo is undoubtedly the brains and heart behind the band – without him, there would simply be no Weezer. Rivers is the primary songwriter, lyricist, band director, and de facto Great Leader (although it should be noted that in the early days he shared some of those songwriting duties and credits with Matt Sharp and original guitarist Jason Cropper). 

Rivers was born in Manhattan on June 13, 1970. He grew up in upstate New York in the Buddhist Zen Center where his father was a farmer. In 1975, his father left the family and Rivers moved to Connecticut with his mother and brothers to live in Yogaville on an ashram farm.(1) He grew up as a quiet and shy child only later to become a metalhead with an outgoing love for Kiss and Van Halen.

When he turned 18 Rivers moved to L.A. and started to officially make a go of it in music. He got a job at Tower Records and was introduced to drummer Pat Wilson. (2) They became friends and formed a band called Fuzz. Rivers moved into Pat’s apartment which he shared with Matt Sharp, who was a talented multi-intrumentalist. Matt soon decided to join them and they embarked on an odyssey that would eventually make musical history. 

Valentine’s Day of 1992 was a momentous occasion for the newly formed, yet still-unnamed, new band because that was the day that Rivers Cuomo (lead guitar), Matt Sharp (bass), Jason Cropper (guitar), and Pat Wilson (drums) first gathered together to rehearse and record their sessions. The band “got together at T.K. rehearsal studios, in West LA, and rehearsed for either 3 or 4 days straight.”(3) The demo tape that was made during the session featured a list of all the potential band names they were toying with at the time including the initial band name “Fuzz”, as well as “Meathead”, “Outhouse”, “Hummingbird”, “the Big Jones” and “This Niblet”.

Things moved quickly for the band from there. A little over a year after their first official rehearsal, the band - now officially named Weezer - signed a major label record deal with Geffen Records. The band had hoped to self-produce their debut, but the suits at Geffen were not going to let that happen. Eventually, the band picked Cars’ frontman, Ric Ocasek, to handle production on the record. According to Rivers Cuomo, “The record company was really pushing us to work with a producer, so we figured that if we had to have somebody in the studio with us, it might as well just be someone who writes good songs – and the Cars’ first record just rules.” (4) 

The band went to Electric Ladyland studios in New York to work on their record. Everything was going great up until it wasn’t. There were internal problems with the guitarist Jason Cropper that led to Rivers firing him from the band. According to Ric Ocasek, “He (Rivers) called me when the record was finished, the day before we were supposed to start mixing, and said, ‘Listen, I just fired the guitar player.’ So I said, ‘What are you gonna do now?’ He’s like, ‘I want all of his parts off the record.’” Luerssen (2004)

With two days before mixing was due to begin in New York, Sharp and Cuomo called Brian Bell.5 He auditioned on tape and was hired to replace Jason. But it was too late to in the game to fly him out to re-record all of Jason’s guitar parts. Under the gun, and with only a day of studio time left before mixing was slated to begin, Rivers re-recorded all of the guitar parts himself (even though Brian is credited on the record).

The Blue Album was released on May 10th, 1994. The 10-track LP provided a “new roadmap for alt-rock following the death of Kurt Cobain and the conclusion of grunge’s first era.”(5) The catchy power-pop record with hook-laden choruses and kitschy Spike Jonze directed videos was an overwhelming success. It would invade the mainstream and go on to sell over 3 million records in the U.S. alone. The band went on a seemingly never-ending tour to promote the record. 

Rivers struggled with the newly found fame and success that the Blue Album had brought the band. He was “frustrated by the limitations of rock and the lifestyle of touring around on a bus and playing the same songs over and over.” Cohen (2015). So he did what most people in his position would do, he put the band on a hiatus and enrolled in Harvard to study classical music. 

But before the semester started, Rivers decided to fix his right leg, which was two inches shorter than his left leg. The surgery on his right leg left him in agonizing pain. It would be a long recovery. During his first year at Harvard Rivers’ right leg was encased in a metal frame that would require him to adjust and tighten the screws daily in order to elongate the bone.(6) He became hooked on painkillers and opioids while trying to manage the pain.

As he told The New York Times. “I grew a long beard and walked around with a cane… The only time I could write songs was when my frozen dinner was in the microwave.” Rockland (2006) “Where I was emotionally … I went to a more serious and dark place.” Runtagh (2019). 

Alone and in pain, Rivers was listening to a lot of classical music and he kept coming back to the opera Madame Butterfly by Puccini. “One of my favorite operas by him was Madama Butterfly, specifically when the role was played by Maria Callas,” he recalled to Pitchfork. “On tour, I would listen to her every night after the show and be so moved by the depth of emotion and sadness and tragedy. It really was calling to me, like, “Come on, Rivers. You can go there. You can go much further with your music than ‘The Sweater Song’ or ‘Buddy Holly’.” Cohen (2015)

His deeply personal and emotional lyrics were raw, to say the least. He opened himself up to a level of honesty, anger, pain, and emotional truth that was only hinted at within the Blue Album’s casual, ironic detachment. But make no mistake, that anger and honestly was always there just below the surface, only it was wrapped around a bouncy hook with a singalong chorus. 

With a dozen or more new songs ready to record, Weezer decided to head to the studio. Only this time, they would self produce the new record themselves. They wanted a feel that was similar to their live shows that would better capture the power and energy of their new songs. The resulting record was a “grittier, slightly darker sound that was more Pixies than the polished power-pop Ric Ocasek had helped the band realize on the Blue Album.” (7)

A few months before the album was slated for release, Rivers Cuomo “issued a precarious warning to the band’s fan club about his mental state during the writing process:” Braun (2016).

There are some lyrics on the album that you might think are mean or sexist. I will feel genuinely bad if anyone feels hurt by my lyrics but I really wanted these songs to be an exploration of my ‘dark side’ – all the parts of myself that I was either afraid or embarrassed to think about before. So there’s some pretty nasty stuff on there. 

You may be more willing to forgive the lyrics if you see them as passing low points in a larger story. And this album really is a story: the story of the last two years of my life. And as you’re probably well aware, these have been two very weird years.

But the worst was yet to come... TO BE CONTINUED IN THE 33 1/3 BOOK PINKERTON 

1 - Weezerpedia. Rivers Cuomo. https://www.weezerpedia.com/wiki/Rivers_Cuomo.

2 - Cohen, Ian. (2015, February 9). Rivers Cuomo. Pitchfork. https://pitchfork.com/features/5-10-15-20/9590-rivers-cuomo/.

3 - The Weezer Recording History. (2006, February). Weezer.com. http://www.weezer.com/info/recording/WeezRecHist3.htm.

4 - Luerssen, John D. (2004, August 1). River’s Edge: The Weezer Story. Toronto. ECW Press.

5 - Runtagh, Jordan. (2019, May 10). Weezer’s Blue Album: 10 Things You Didn’t Know. Rolling Stone. https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-features/weezer-blue- album-rivers-cuomo-things-you-didnt-know-822881/.

6 - Rockland, Kate. (2006, February 16). At School with Rivers Cuomo: Student with a Past. The New York Times. https://www.nytimes.com/2006/02/16/garden/16weezer.html.

7 - Braun, Laura Marie. (2016, September 23). How Weezer’s ‘Pinkerton’ Went from Embarassing to Essential. Rolling Stone. https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music- features/how-weezers-pinkerton-went-from-embarrassing-to-essential-105567/.

[aion-rsa]

Val Kilmer Documentary Punctures the Actor’s Bad Boy Myth

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Leo Scott and Ting Poo’s new documentary feature, Val, is not a mortality play. It is a rehearsal for an upcoming act. During a tour of his one-man stage show, Citizen Twain, Val Kilmer was diagnosed with throat cancer. The actor underwent two tracheostomies, and now can only speak while covering a tube. The narration of the new film is thus done by his son Jack Kilmer, allowing the pair to share a non-verbal connection throughout the journey, and through time and expression itself. While there are flourishes of humor, the documentary is a serious study of an artist who has always struggled to be understood, told through the selective memory of Kilmer’s POV.

“I’ve wanted to tell a story about acting for a very long time,” Kilmer says toward the beginning of the documentary. “And now that it’s difficult to speak, I want to tell my story more than ever.” Kilmer is an artist, one who takes his vocation very seriously and introspectively. An actor’s voice is more than a tool, it is their primary source of communication. Non-verbal exchanges are important, but dialogue is the primary idea delivery system in staged and filmed works. Surgical procedures have split his throat, shredding the scope of his instrument. In the film, Kilmer is forced to project his story on the empty space between the notes.

Among Kilmer’s many defining roles, the one which appears to ring truest is his encapsulation of Jim Morrison, the poet and lead vocalist of the Doors in Oliver Stone’s 1991 biopic, The Doors. The young Kilmer is shown onstage in a small club, lost in the music, awaiting his cue to become one with the mic. Moments in Kilmer’s personal history, like how the actor was tagged with a “difficult” label, are consigned to rests. The most overt reference to Kilmer’s “bad boy” reputation comes from Robert Downey Jr., who smashes the notoriety to bits in a moment of impromptu dismissal.

There is no gossip here. There is no discussion of A-list-bad behavior. Kilmer sees it all as artistic license.  He was searching for honesty, he remembers. Choices like lying on top of a mattress filled with ice in order to feel a real pain during his last scene with Kurt Russell in Tombstone come across as perfectly valid. Kilmer is still bitter over spending four months learning to play guitar for Top Secret!, and his first note informs him the director thinks he looks funnier faking it. There is little evidence of unprofessionalism, only growing pains.

The bulk of Val comes from clips of 8mm home video footage Kilmer has been shooting most of his life. “I’ve kept everything, and it’s been sitting in boxes for years,” Kilmer informs us. The archive was intended to tell a story about “where you end and the acting begins.” We are gifted with moon shots of both Kevin Bacon and Sean Penn, which have nothing to do with the films Apollo 13 or The First.

Early self-directed screen tests provoke a series of what-ifs. A tortuous encapsulation of a Juilliard acting class is a lesson in what-nots. Val’s hand-held approach to The Island of Dr. Moreau is a highlight. The actor respectfully rocks his co-star and idol, Marlon Brando, on a hammock they both wish was strung to John Frankenheimer. Please turn off the camera, the film’s replacement director demands. But Kilmer only hits pause when it’s time to rehearse.

The behind-the-scenes camcorder footage from sets of Top Gun, Tombstone, and The Doors are treasure troves in themselves, and possibly underused. Most of the audience will be very interested in the candid youth and truth recorded over his career. Val uses the archival clips and unearthed b-roll to establish a chronology.

Many videos were made at home in Los Angeles with Kilmer’s younger brother Wesley, who had an epileptic seizure and drowned at age 15. His death casts a mournful pall following the news that Val was the youngest applicant ever accepted as a drama student at Juilliard. Kilmer calls his brother “an artistic genius,” and one of the most revealing things to come out of the documentary is how often Kilmer used this brother’s art to augment the backgrounds of the sets he is living through on film.

Seeing how Stone speaks about Kilmer now makes me wonder if Val would have been able to put in the same performances in his movies if he knew it at the time. In his audition tapes for Full Metal Jacket and Goodfellas, we see an actor who needs to be taken seriously. He flies 6,000 miles to hand deliver his tape to Stanley Kubrick in London.

While he makes no comment, footage reveals Kilmer’s favorite Batman was played by Adam West. “Every boy wants to be Batman,” we hear, and see the Caped Crusader in every era of Kilmer’s life. A short, animated film he and his brother made with what looks like crayon is a Batman spoof. He still glories in the moment he got deposited behind the classic TV series’ iconic wheels as a youngster visiting the lot. It appears Kilmer still can’t pass a grocery store Batmobile without feeding it quarters. He wears the classic blue Halloween ensemble expecting tricks and treats as a kid, and as a daddy with his kids.

Don’t expect to see Kilmer wearing his cinematic puffed rubber suit at home, and it’s not because he left it at the dry cleaners. Footage old and new, homemade or professionally recorded, presents the Batsuit as an albatross. Heavy rests the cowl. He has to be lifted from chairs, deposited on marks, and his only identifying feature on the set of Batman Forever is a chin and bottom lip. Anyone could have been behind the mask, and the human superhero envied the subhuman villains. Kilmer comes across as quite happy Jim Carrey and Tommy Lee Jones are able to create fully formed performance art in their portrayals. But he wanted to play with those toys.

“Batman Forever,” Kilmer laments, “whatever boyish excitement I had going in was crushed by the reality of the Batsuit. I realized it was just my job to show up and stand where they told me.” As the captured past footage is juxtaposed with modern sequences, we get an unfiltered glimpse of how little this has changed. The sequence of Kilmer at the Comic-Con autograph booth is wrenching. He initially didn’t want to take the part of Iceman in Top Gun because he felt it glorified the military. So many fans ask him to sign “You can be my wingman” on their souvenirs. It turns his stomach. He throws up in a garbage can and wheeled through hallways with a blanket over his head. Trouper that he is, he returns to the booth to finish out the signatures.

Kilmer blurred himself into the role of Mark Twain. There is a beautiful sequence where the actor walks through town to the beach, in full stage makeup, dressed in the signature white suit and long mustache of his character. It is extremely telling when Kilmer tells the camera it’s hard enough writing a good screenplay, much less a great one, which itself doesn’t even match what he feels he needs to bring to a script of a film version of Citizen Twain. Kilmer sold his ranch in New Mexico to finance the project. The documentary only captures some of the frustrations.

Most of the anecdotes are guarded, and all the admissions are part of a subjective narrative. Kilmer’s arc has rough edges, these tales are too smooth, and leave little room for impressionistic interpretation. Kilmer met his former wife, Joanne Whalley, when she was starring in a West End play directed by Danny Boyle, but he didn’t approach her.

“She was brilliant, and I was in town making fluff,” Kilmer concedes. It’s all about the art, even appearances. The documentary hints that Kilmer’s dedication to character did the most damage to their relationship. Wearing the same pair of leather pants for nine months could almost be on the books as probable cause for divorce in Hollywood.

Similarly, Kilmer’s Christian Science upbringing is brought up, and dropped. There is a loving but ambiguous undertone to Kilmer’s relationship with his once-rich-and-powerful father, who put his son in debt after trying to become a southern California land tycoon. But a sequence on his Swedish mother which juxtaposes a car ride he took with her when he was a child with one of being driven to her funeral speaks volumes without words.

Val is about the next step. “What’s past is prologue” William Shakespeare wrote in The Tempest. Kilmer pondered the “too, too solid flesh” while rehearsing Hamlet, and the documentary opens after the actor faced his own mortality. Kilmer swears he feels better than he sounds and, while he finds little to regret in his memories, he expects less in the ones he has yet to create.

Val can be seen on Amazon Prime Video.

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from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/2VvZ2lA

[stylesnews]

In a decade, Harry Styles has gone from teenage heartthrob to a global pop star in his own right. As he's distanced himself from his adolescent years as a member of One Direction, he's become his own person, starring in the 2017 blockbuster Dunkirk, hosting Saturday Night Live and creating music that pulls from a variety of influences.

Styles released his second solo album Fine Line late last year, and in addition to showcasing some of those influences and his talents as a songwriter, it was also a huge commercial success, with the biggest U.S. sales week for a British male artist since Eric Clapton's Unplugged in 1992.

But Styles says he spent a lot of time rethinking his idea of success after touring his self-titled album. "I think if you're making what you want to make, then ultimately no one can tell you you're unsuccessful, because you're doing what makes you happy," he says.

NPR's Mary Louise Kelly spoke to Harry Styles about his love of Fleetwood Mac and finding freedom in the music of the '70s, what he would say to his 16-year-old self and nail polish. Listen in the player above and read on for a transcript of their full conversation.

Mary Louise Kelly: Your most recent album seems tied up in the '70s, which is a decade you didn't actually live through. What is it about that era that draws you in?

There's a freedom in the music that is so inspiring. If you go back and listen to so much of that music, and you listen to songs from [Carole King's] Tapestry and Harry Nilsson songs, they sound so fresh. I think it's crazy that something that was made so long ago, you can listen to it now and be like "I want my drums to sound like these drums, and I want my strings to sound like these strings." I think that's really incredible. And I think it's just the freedom, it's people doing what they wanted to do. Obviously, the music business has changed so much since then — there was a lot more of everybody hanging out together and playing songs, and I feel like music is a lot more competitive now.

And is it maybe a little more produced now? Less organic?

I think we just have different technology. When we came to do my first solo album, I had this thing where I wanted to do everything to tape. And then I kind of realized that The Beatles didn't use tape because it was really cool to use, they used it because it was the best technology they had [at the time] and it sounded the best. And now we just have different ways of recording stuff and you can make stuff sound really nice — so we kind of abandoned the tape thing. Overall what draws me to that time with music is just the freedom.

Was making Fine Line sound like the music of the '70s a conscious choice?

I'm not listening to stuff so much anymore being like "I just want my stuff to sound like this." You grow up listening to what your parents listen to. For me it was the [Rolling] Stones, Beatles, Fleetwood [Mac], a lot of Queen, Elvis Presley, Shania Twain, Savage Garden, Norah Jones. That was kind of like the base of what my first experience with music was, and I feel like you can't help but have a lot of references from what you grew up listening to [in your own music].

Speaking of Fleetwood Mac, I saw you've gotten to know and work with Stevie Nicks. What's that like, to get to know someone who was the soundtrack of your childhood and go out on stage with them?

It borders on an out-of-body experience. "Dreams" was the first song I knew all the words to; I used to sing it in the car with my mom. Every time I'm with her, you want to be, obviously, present, right? I'm trying to enjoy being with her and soaking in. But I think at the same time, while you're in the room with her, I'm sitting there thinking about being 10-years-old and singing the song.

Does it matter if you're super famous yourself?

I don't think so, because ultimately we're all humans. It's not like paralyzing starstruck, it's more like I try and appreciate what my 10-year-old self would think of it. I think ultimately you meet [other famous people] and you're kind of in awe of them, but at the same time you get to hang out with them on this human level, where you're just talking and it's really amazing.

Those are the moments that kind of mean the most because it's real. And when everything else about being in music goes away, that's the stuff that I think you end up telling your grandkids. For example, with Stevie, my favorite moments about it aren't usually the show, it's the practicing. When we first played together, it was at the Troubadour — famously, where Elton John did his first U.S. show — and it was an amazing moment, but my favorite was soundchecking. It's like four people in there and just us singing in the empty Troubadour. For me, that's a moment that I'm going to hold on to.

Speaking of moments where you wish you could tell your younger self "Buddy, you have no idea": 10 years ago when you auditioned for the British reality show X Factor, the judge Simon Cowell asked you "What do you want to do with your life, what are your future plans?" You said you were going back to college in the fall to study "law, sociology, business and something else, but I'm not sure yet."

There's a lot of us who wanted to be a rock star and ended up being lawyers. You've gone the other way. Is it funny listening back to yourself? What do you wish you could tell your 16-year-old self?

I guess like "Don't worry." In the early years, I spent a lot of time worrying about what would happen and getting things wrong and saying the wrong thing and doing the wrong thing. I'm trying to let go of the worrying thing, and that's what I've loved the most about this album, rather than the first one. I think I had a lot of fear — whether it was conscious or subconsciously — just about getting it wrong. When I listen back to the first album now, although I still love it so much, I feel like I was almost bowling with the bumpers up a little bit. I can hear places where I was playing it safe.

When I listen back to the first album now, although I still love it so much, I feel like I was almost bowling with the bumpers up a little bit. I can hear places where I was playing it safe.

I think with this one, after touring with an album that wasn't necessarily a radio record and people came to see the show, I realized that the only thing that people really want is for you to do what you want to do. Ultimately, I think if people believe in you, you can make a bad record, you can make a bad song, and people will still come to a show if they're interested and they want to come see you. I think the only time people go "You know what? I'm done with this," is when it stops being authentic. You can't really blame people for that. If there's an artist I loved and I felt like they were faking it, I can't say that I'd keep going to the shows. I think that was a big thing for me, just trying to worry less. The worst thing that can happen is that I make a record that I think everybody else wants to hear, and then it doesn't do well. And you sit there going "Well I wish I'd just made the record that I wanted to make." I think if you're making what you want to make, then ultimately no one can tell you you're unsuccessful, because you're doing what makes you happy. That's the biggest thing that I learned this time.

You dress amazingly. You wear suits, but they're patterned and florals and you had that blouse that got all the attention at last year's Met Gala. I noticed you're wearing nail polish, and you do wear clothing that blurs traditional lines sometimes. What are you hoping people take from that? Is it just "This is what I want to wear, deal with it" or are you trying to send any kind of message?

For me, it's not like doing it to send a message. Part of being on the last tour, when people came to watch the show, I realized "Oh, these people just want to see me be myself, and I'm telling them to be themselves." And I just didn't want to be a hypocrite. I do it when I'm not working, so to me it doesn't feel like it's "Oh, I'm sending a message with my nail polish." I just put a lot less weight behind it, I think. And sometimes I forget, because I'll go somewhere and someone will be like "Have you got nail polish on?" I'm lucky that I work in an industry that allows you to be creative and express yourself, and I'd encourage it to anybody.

Can you tell us about a favorite song on the album?

My two favorite songs on this album are probably "Cherry" and "Fine Line." "Cherry" is the fifth song on the album. It's one of my favorites, mostly because of how it came about. When I started making this album ... I felt like it had to be big. The last record wasn't really a radio record: The single ["Sign of the Times"] from it was a 6-minute piano ballad, so it wasn't the typical formula. So I felt a bit of pressure that I wanted to make something that worked. I was trying this stuff one night in the studio, and I was worried because I just wasn't really liking anything that I was doing. I felt like I was trying too hard. That's when I make the music that I like the least, is when I'm trying to write a pop song or I'm trying to write something fun.

Everybody left for the weekend, and it was me, Tyler Johnson, who I work with, and Sammy Witte. It was two or three in the morning, and we were having a drink and just talking. I was saying how I have all these records that I'd love to make, I love all this kind of music and in five years I want to make this kind of record, and in 10 years I want to make this kind of album, and then I'll get to make the music that I really want to make. And Tyler just said "You just have to make the music that you want to make — right now. That's the only way of doing it, otherwise you're going to regret it."

And "Cherry" was the result of that?

Yeah, so we stayed and Sammy started playing the guitar riff, and we did it through the night and recorded it. Everybody came back in the morning and listened to it ... I heard it when it was finished and was like "This is the kind of music I want to make."

How did you write "Fine Line?"

"Fine Line" I wrote [during] a gap in the tour. It was January 2018 and I was at my friend Tom's house, who I work with, and we just started strumming this thing, and we started layering these vocals, and it turned into this 6-minute thing. I had it for a long time and I kept listening to it during the tour, like I'd listen to it before I went to bed. Just sonically I loved the song, and I loved the lyrics of the song. When we wrote it, I kind of knew it was the last song of an album, and we ended up taking it to Bath, in England, where I was making this record for a while. I wanted it to turn into something else at the end, I wanted like a big crescendo ending. While we were in Bath, Sammy started playing this little thing on the piano, and I tweaked it a little bit and I was like "That has to go at the end of 'Fine Line.' " Now when I listen to it, it's one of those things where I'm just proud that it's mine, I'm so happy. It's one of those songs that I've always wanted to make.

[twh-news]

"Loki" Director Kate Herron Talks The Epic Season 1 Finale And The Easter Egg Fans Should Go Back And Listen For | Buzzfeed

Warning: There are MASSIVE spoilers ahead for Season 1 of Loki!

Welp, Loki Season 1 just came to an end and I think it's safe to say that the Marvel Cinematic Universe will never be the same. Following the Season 1 finale, we sat down with director Kate Herron to talk about everything — like how it felt introducing the multiverse and Jonathan Majors to the MCU, casting this incredible ensemble cast, Loki's bisexuality, and so much more. Here's everything we learned:

1. First, Kate has always loved Loki, so she knew she wanted to be involved in the "character's next step" in some way.

"Basically, I love Loki, and I found out they were making a show about him. As a fan, I was like, 'I need to know where he's gone.' Then, I just wanted to know what the story was going to be. I loved the character. I think Tom Hiddleston's performance is amazing. I really wanted to be part of whatever this character's next step was because I think Loki's had one of the best arcs in the MCU."

2. Directing all six episodes of the first season felt like filming a six-hour movie.

"Directing all six episodes was a really unique experience, right? Because normally TV is run through the showrunner system, and Marvel didn't do that on Loki. It was incredible. It was quite an undertaking to do six hours and run it like a giant film. I'm so grateful for the opportunity, and I'm really proud of what we made."

3. When Kate signed on to Loki, only the first few scripts had been written, the "rough shape of the show" was in place, and they knew Loki would be arrested by the TVA.

"When I started, Michael [Waldron] had written the pilot. Then, there was a second episode written by Elissa [Karasik], and Bisha's [Ali] episode was written. So, there was a rough shape of the show. It was already fixed in that Loki was gonna be arrested by the TVA and then it had this twist that he was going to try and solve the mystery of who this other Loki was, but then it pivots and becomes this love story about him falling in love with himself. I just thought that was so inspired and the message that had about self-love. I just really wanted to be part of that."

4. And they always knew the show would end at The Citadel at the End of Time and the multiverse would be born.

"As we dug into it with Kevin Wright, our producer, the studio, Michael, Tom, and also our whole team, I think it was always thinking like what was the best story, in particular during the second half of the show. We always knew they were going to The Citadel, something would happen, and the multiverse would be born, but we didn't necessarily know it would come out of Loki and Sylvie fighting. That idea came out of discussions with me, the writers, and the studio."

5. It was "always the plan" to introduce Jonathan Majors to the MCU during the Loki Season 1 finale.

"I think me and the writers were just like, 'Well, they haven't told us we can't introduce that character. I guess we're doing it.' It was really exciting and I felt really honored that I got to be part of it."

6. Kate was involved with Jonathan's casting for He Who Remains/Kang alongside Peyton Reed, who will direct Ant-Man: Quantumania, and Marvel Studios.

"Being part of the casting discussion with Marvel and Peyton was amazing. It was massive. I was just like, 'Wow, I can't believe I get to be part of this conversation.' Everyone was just so excited about Jonathan. He's one of the best actors. I just couldn't believe we got him."

7. Jonathan brought a lot of "cool ideas to the table" once he was cast, and Kate gave him "space to play."

"He just brought so many cool ideas to the table. I think when you're working with an actor like Jonathan, it's really just about giving him space to play, and let him find the character and give him a cool way to do that. I really enjoyed working with him. We finished the shoot filming in The Citadel, so it was really interesting that we finished filming with Jonathan. I just felt very lucky I got to direct him."

8. Jonathan actually voiced the Time-Keepers in Episode 4, which added to the Wizard of Oz homage.

"Obviously, the Time-Keepers were being made in post, and we hadn't cast anyone [for the voices] yet, and I thought, 'Well, Wizard of Oz. Like it should be the wizard, right?' So I thought it would be cool if it was Jonathan, and I think the key thing then was just working with him in a way that we could disguise his voice. I think the fun thing was, Jonathan is an amazing character actor. So we just sent him the art and he was sending audio clips to me and Kevin Wright and being like, 'What about this voice?' It was just so much fun to do that with him. I think that was just joyful."

9. Kate's favorite Easter egg from Episode 5 was Throg — in fact, Chris Hemsworth recorded new lines and sounds for that small part.

"That one I was very proud of and it was very fun. I had that shot designed for a while. I think I'd seen it in Futurama, and a lot of animation does it, but I love the idea of going through the dirt and it reveals something. I always felt like that shot would be the place to insert an Easter egg. When we had Throg in there, it was so much fun and it was perfect. We also recorded Chris [Hemsworth] for that. It was just so much fun."

10. She also loved the Thanos Copter and said it was a "funny" detail the producers loved from the comics, so they had to include it.

"The Thanos Copter was great. Kevin Wright, our executive producer, was really obsessed with that copter, I was like, 'We have to put the helicopter,' and it was so funny. Episode 5 is our best Easter egg episode. There's so much deliberately because of the nature of The Void as a place where deleted things are sent."

11. There's one Easter egg/detail Kate hasn't seen fans catch onto yet, and it involves a "familiar" voice at the very end of the Season 1 finale.

"The one I would say is — it's less Easter egg and more cool story-wise. So, at the very end of the finale, when Loki is in this alternate TVA, there's a character that runs behind him and is going to the armory and people should listen to the voice. It's very quick, but it's someone familiar."

12. Loki was inspired by numerous iconic sci-fi movies, like Children of Men, Alien, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Metropolis, Starship Troopers, and more.

"Bisha, in the episode [she wrote], she spoke about Children of Men and also Before Sunrise as a reference, so I was really inspired by that and the idea of bringing these sci-fi things together. Across all the TVA, I wanted it to just be a big love letter to sci-fi movies, like Metropolis, Brazil, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, [and] Alien. A reference I could never talk about early was Starship Troopers just because, obviously, the TVA are bad guys and in that movie they also use a lot of propaganda film and we had our Miss Minutes film. So, that movie played a hand. There was so much across the show. We had references from everywhere."

13. And the inspiration for how The Void would look in Episode 5 actually came from Teletubbies.

"I never really spoke much about it, but basically in Episode 5, The Void was originally written like a desert, but when I pitched, I said I thought it would be cool if rather than like a Mad Max desert apocalypse, it's more like an overgrown garden. Like, this is the place where the TVA throw their rubbish in. I just loved the idea of that. I think I realized as it started to unravel that I'd basically pitched the British countryside. As we were building it, I was like, 'Am I just homesick?' I remember trying to explain it to the visual effects artists who were making it, and I was like, 'You know, it's like the Teletubbies. You know, rolling hills just one after another.' So, yeah, the Teletubbies became a useful reference when describing The Void. So, that's how they played a hand in it."

14. Kate was the one who suggested Sophia Di Martino audition for the role of Sylvie.

"Sophia was in a short film of mine called Smear. I was very happy to pay her, finally, for her talent. When we were reading for the role, I was like, 'There's this actor I know and I think we should ask if she wants to read.' Everyone was like, 'Yeah, sure.' So, she read in these audition tapes, and we were all watching the tapes back and I remember everyone at the studio was like, 'Wait, who's that?' And I was like, 'Oh, that's my friend Sophia.' They thought she was amazing."

15. Sophia's audition tape was so good that she was immediately cast.

"Basically, everyone was really excited by her tape and I think she got cast in the room, which is incredible. I was excited because I got to bring my friend along. She's such a good actor. She's fantastic in Flowers and I was just so happy that she was coming along for the ride. I think she's done such a beautiful job with Sylvie."

16. One of the most important things when crafting Sylvie and the other Loki Variants was making sure they were their own characters, and not just Loki copies.

"I think the most important thing, minus just tiny little gestures, was really making it important that Sylvie was her own character and that all the Lokis weren't just 'faded photocopies.' They were all their own Loki. It wasn't even that they stood in a similar way or looked similar, but what in their soul made them a Loki. I love that line, 'Lokis always survive.' That idea goes across all our characters who are Lokis."

17. Casting Sylvie was one of the hardest things, and Sophia was able to bring her own spin to the character and she was the perfect "sparring partner" for Tom.

"Sophia has this talent — and I think Tom has it as well — where she's so funny and naturally so witty and charismatic that you can't take your eyes off her. She's also really good at playing characters with a lot of anger, pain, and vulnerability. I just felt that those qualities were so Loki to me. She brought her own spin on it too. Tom's performance is so iconic, so Sylvie was a tough role to cast because you need to give him a good sparring partner, but also, it's another Loki and people love Loki. So, it was really making sure that she felt distinctive enough that she was different, but also that we gave Tom a really fun actor to play alongside. It was really fun watching them. It was really fun seeing their chemistry grow."

18. Sylvie's fighting style was actually crafted to have similar movements to Loki's, thus showing that they are basically two sides of the same coin.

"I know Tom and Sophia spent a lot of time together. I think the fun thing with Sophia was the little things, like the fighting styles. She has a very different life to our Loki. Loki is very balletic in his fighting style, because he grew up in the palace, whereas Sylvie grew up in apocalypses. So, she was going to fight a bit more like a feral cat. I thought that was fun to play with. We worked with Mo [Ganderton], our stunt coordinator, and it was really fun to find little mirror image stuff they would do when they fight. We did a little bit of that on Lamentis and there's little bits here and there where we've done that. There's also little gestures that they do that are quite similar."

19. Kate had a "four hour" phone call with Owen Wilson before he was cast. They talked about Marvel, Mobius, and Loki.

"Everyone was so excited to cast him. I remember, they were like, 'Kate, just call him and see if he's up for it.' That was a lot of pressure. But then, I spoke to him on the phone and we spoke about Marvel and Loki in Marvel. Also, we talked about what our show was doing, who Mobius was, and then just getting his take on it. It was a very detailed conversation. I think we spoke for like four hours. At the end, he was like, 'I'm in.'"

20. Wunmi Mosaku's role was originally supposed to be a male character, but Kate suggested having an "open casting" because she thought Hunter B-15 would be really great as a female character.

"When I spoke to the studio, I was like, 'This character is cool, but I just think it could be really interesting if this was a female character. So, could we do open casting? We'll have men and women read, and we'll just see who's the best person for the role.' So, Wunmi read for it and just blew everyone away. We were like, 'We have to cast this person!' So, we kind of remade the role, really, around her."

21. Kate loves the idea that Hunter B-15 joins this club of sci-fi female characters who were originally supposed to be men.

"It was cool because I love Ripley in Alien and I love Kara Thrace in Battlestar Galactica. In the original Battlestar, Kara Thrace's character was played by a man, and Ripley in Alien was originally written as a man, so I liked that Hunter B-15 was joining these badass women in sci-fi. That was really cool to me."

22. When Kate pitched her ideas to the studio, she include Gugu Mbatha-Raw as the actor she wanted to play Ravonna.

"Gugu was in my pitch when I spoke to the studio. I was like, 'I think she'll be really great.' I love her work as an actor. From Belle to the episode of Black Mirror she's in, everything she's in is so different. I think that's so interesting with Ravonna because in the comics, Ravonna's been good and bad, and she's such a big character. I was like, 'I'd love to see Gugu's take on that character.' The studio was really excited by that and so was Gugu."

23. Kate said it was "important" to recognize Loki's bisexuality in the show, and she loved how it was naturally worked into a conversation between him and Sylvie.

"It was just important for us to do it in a way that made it canon, acknowledged it, and also done in a way where like, if someone asked me, I would just be matter of fact about it, like, 'Yeah, I'm bi.' I think that was the important thing for it and building it into the conversation. It was important to the whole team and the way that it was written was really beautiful. It felt like the right place to do it because these two characters are starting to open up to each other and are being a bit more honest about who they are. So it felt like the right place to have that moment."

24. The TVA weren't always going to be Variants/humans. That idea was born out of conversations with Kate, the writers, and the rest of the Loki team.

"When I started, I think it was a bit more up in the air with like, who are the Variants who work for the TVA? Are they Variants? They actually weren't Variants when I first joined. Casey was an alien, for example. I think something we all locked onto was it was more effective to make them more human. It was already in there that the Time-Keepers wouldn't be real and that would be a big Wizard of Oz rug pull. But the extra rug pull we added was that, on top of all of that, the TVA don't realize that they're actually Variants."

25. One of the things Kate enjoyed the most was figuring out the "inner workings of the TVA," like how the Minutemen would operate.

"I think it was really fun, in terms of the bigger structural stuff, to work with everyone. Also, figuring out the inner workings of the TVA, like every squad of Minutemen would have a hunter and they'll be little details sprinkled across all the world building in the show. Generally, we always looked at the characters and what was the best story and how to get to the end goal in the most effective way."

26. The season finale intro — which included seeing space, the sacred timeline, and hearing quotes from the MCU and history — was an homage to Contact.

"Basically, Eric Martin, our writer, he'd written in this amazing idea that for the opening we do an homage to Contact, and kind of move through space to the end of time. Then, we'd see the physical timeline, and then we see The Citadel. I love Contact, and I was like, 'Oh, that's so cool.' We took that idea to Darrin [Denlinger], our storyboard artist, and me and him just nerded out about space and about how we wanted to pay homage to Contact but not be completely the same.

So we played with the idea of time and he was bringing in so many cool ideas. But then, the amazing pitch he had as well was like, 'What if when we pull out at the very end, the timeline isn't a straight line like how you guys have been showing it in the show? What if it's actually circular?' I thought it was such a good idea."

27. Kevin Feige helped come up with the idea to include Marvel quotes over the Marvel logo because it was something the MCU had never done before.

"I had this weird idea where I remember saying to my editor, Emma McCleave, I was like, 'Oh, can we add a baby crying or the sounds of the city? And it's like we just hear life.' So her, me, and Kevin Wright got really into that. So we were adding all of these different sounds into the timeline. We also had quotes from just life, not Marvel. Then, we showed that cut to Kevin Feige and the rest of the team.

They all thought it was cool, and then Kevin Feige was like, 'Oh, do you know what? We've never done quotes on the Marvel logo before.' So, we thought that was cool and we added the quotes to the Marvel logo intro. Then, me, Kevin Wright, Emma, and Sarah Bennett, Emma's assistant, decided to just put the MCU quotes across the whole thing."

28. Going from hearing all of the voices in the season finale opening to utter silence in The Citadel was also a way of learning something about He Who Remains.

"I loved the idea of all the noise and this Greek chorus building because when you finally pull out and see The Citadel and how isolated it is, it tells you so much about He Who Remains' psychology because he's surrounded by all this brimming life, but he's completely isolated and alone. I thought it tells you a little bit about his character and who he might be before we see him."29. Kate loves that the season finale opening is a "beautiful handover" from the previous phase of the Marvel Cinematic Universe into this one with the multiverse.

"It was a real group effort, and we were just really excited at the idea of it being this really beautiful handover from the previous phase of Marvel. Also, we get to encapsulate a little bit of our world as well, which was really fun. The editing team put so much time into that. I really want to watch it in a planetarium or something."

29. Kate loves that the season finale opening is a "beautiful handover" from the previous phase of the Marvel Cinematic Universe into this one with the multiverse.

"It was a real group effort, and we were just really excited at the idea of it being this really beautiful handover from the previous phase of Marvel. Also, we get to encapsulate a little bit of our world as well, which was really fun. The editing team put so much time into that. I really want to watch it in a planetarium or something."

30. And finally, even though Loki sets up a lot of upcoming MCU projects — namely, Spider-Man: No Way Home, Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness, and Ant-Man: Quantumania — Kate didn't have a lot of conversations with other MCU directors and writers.

"Kevin Wright and Stephen Broussard from Marvel were our producers on Loki, and they worked with Kevin Feige, Louis [D'Esposito], and Victoria [Alonso]. They always steered us in terms of the Marvel big picture and let us know if anything was off base. It's so secretive at Marvel, so I only spoke to Peyton just because our timelines crossed [with Jonathan]. Generally, Marvel manages everything internally and keeps us all in check."

[singingaboutwishingx]

hello! ik u love musicals and the ww so i had a thought—donnajosh the last 5 years au?

oh. my god. pain. why would you put me in pain like this.

i imagine that instead of being a novelist, josh is a political pundit—he has his degrees from harvard and yale, and he’s trying to climb up the ladder. at the beginning, he’s running a political news/commentary blog while he’s in a low-level position for a mid-range news outlet. donna never met freeride, but the drama minor really stuck with her, and it turned out that she was like, really good at being a musical theatre actress. after she graduated, she decided to pursue it full-time.

another difference in this au is that i would kind of reverse the roles. i think that donna would be analogous to jamie, while josh would fill cathy’s place.

i just ended up mapping the whole thing out chronologically by song, so that starts under the cut.

goodbye until tomorrow- donna and josh meet and sleep together. there’s a sense in both directions that they’ve met their soulmate, and it’s glorious.

shiksa goddess- donna is obv not jewish, but she knows that josh is not the guy her parents would want her to date. while they are republicans, and josh’s staunchly democratic views would make them uncomfortable, it’s more of the fact that he’s super outspoken, both politically and in general.

i can do better than that- basically the same as in the musical. josh and donna drive back to josh’s hometown so she can meet his parents. josh tells her about his friend, sam, whose girlfriend got pregnant in high school, and they got married and never left town. he also tells her about his college girlfriend, amy, who blew him off after nearly a year. he doesn’t need much from donna. all he wants is her.

moving too fast- donna gets a callback for the anything goes revival, and they take a chance and cast a complete unknown as hope harcourt. she becomes an instant star, a media darling, and a huge fan favorite. (it helps that they cast big names as reno and billy, which attracts some attention to the production and allows the unknown actors for oakleigh and hope to be pulled into the spotlight.) donna’s in love, and she’s on top of the world.

climbing uphill- josh is writing furiously. he keeps submitting op-eds everywhere and applying for higher positions at other companies, but there’s always someone or some writing that’s just a little bit better. he’s kind of afraid because the underachieving husband isn’t really where he thrives—he’s always had big dreams. he’s happy that donna’s found success, but he’s kind of bitter that it’s taking her away from him so much.

the schmuel song- josh is feeling down about his career. he basically just wants to give up, stop running his blog, and not even try to go any higher at his job. donna assures him that he’s immensely talented, and that she believes in him more than anyone could ever believe in someone.

when you come home to me- josh spends most of his nights alone, trying to write something that might maybe possibly be published, while donna, he knows, is out living her dream. she’s out there doing amazing things without him, but she’ll always come home at the end of the night. he knows that she’ll always come back home to him.

the next ten minutes- yay marriage! happy fun wedding time!

a summer in ohio- josh is hired to assist at a major news outlet in ohio. it feels less fun as the summer wears on, but it looks good on his resume. he misses being separated from donna so much.

a miracle would happen- donna loves josh desperately, and she honestly would never cheat on him. however, since her run in anything goes, she’s been going to all of these events and seeing all these other people who are more successful than josh. and like, the fact that his career hasn’t really taken off isn’t a problem, but she has a feeling that something doesn’t sit right with him. she wishes he’d just be happy for her with no strings.

i’m a part of that- josh sits at opening night of broadway’s new smash hit, which is essentially a star vehicle for donna (i mean, she had to audition, but the part was always hers). he sees her fall for her love interest and it’s so convincing that josh has to tell himself that she’s thinking of him when she looks at her co-star like that (and really, donna’s just! that! good!). broadway is this whole world that he can appreciate but never fully be a part of, and josh wishes that he could be thriving like donna.

if i didn’t believe in you- as josh’s resentment for donna’s constant absence grows into resentment for her success, donna’s disappointment in josh grows, too. she is by no means disappointed in his lack of tangible accomplishment—she knows her own success is such a fluke, but she’s grateful for every minute—but the way he always seems to have reservations at her triumphs. she tells josh that she loves him deeply, profoundly, but needs more support than this.

nobody needs to know- cut? sorry. i simply don’t think that donna would do this. she might have some feelings that lie elsewhere, but no way would she actually cheat on josh.

see i’m smiling- donna takes a couple days off of the show to come see josh in ohio. he actually gets to fill in for a newscaster on saturday night, and he’s really excited for donna to come to the taping. it’s also his birthday, and he thought they were planning to spend it together, but at the last minute, donna is called back to new york to meet with a movie producer about an upcoming project. josh begs her to please come see his taping and just let them work around her schedule, but donna keeps denying him. this could be a huge opportunity for her. she can always watch the recording later and they can celebrate a week late. he makes a comment about her always being gone, and it spirals into a knock-down-drag-out fight. donna leaves for new york.

i could never rescue you- months later, after their marriage has continued to slip away despite their best efforts, donna sits him down. she says she wants a divorce. she can’t be with him anymore because they’ve tried and they’ve tried, but nothing can make him happy for her and nothing can make her not feel like her success is the cause of his lack thereof. donna’s already packed a bag. she walks out the door.

still hurting- and at last, we arrive at the beginning. donna still leaves him a letter even though they sat down in person, and josh reads it and hurts. it’s not fair. how can she just walk away from him and leave him with this heavy grief for their love?

the trouble i’m having with making this au work (not that it’s a bad idea or anything—i think it’s fantastic and heartbreaking) is that cathy and jamie (i mean, mostly jamie) are worse people than josh and donna, and i just like... i don’t really see any universe where either of them cheat on the other or where one is too self-absorbed to realize how seriously cruel they are. josh had a few moments in the show that make me go “well...” about that statement, but on the whole, they’re both really kind, considerate people.

while cathy and jamie were basically incompatible from the start, josh and donna’s marriage fails because they both don’t realize what the other’s problems are. in josh’s case, his abandonment issues take center stage, while donna feels almost wrong for succeeding.

other choices for a ww tl5y au that interest me very much include cj and toby, toby and andy, and zoey and charlie.

thank you sm for sending me this idea!!!