#I AM MASHING THAT SMASH BUTTON UNTIL IT BREAKS

[uniarycode]

Takari Week 2021, Day 1 - Sibling Shenanigans.

Things have gotten too bad, Taichi and Yamato need an intervention. And if they pay close attention, they might learn something important.

Nah, who we kidding.

Written as part of @takariweek

In some ways, Yamato was Taichi’s closest friend. They had gone through hell and back together, forming an unbreakable bond.

That said, they had different tastes in music, TV, and basically anything. Taichi preferred to watch sports and anime, Yamato preferred dramas and cooking shows. Taichi flourished in the company of others, Yamato demurred in the presence of anyone he wasn’t familiar with.

But one pastime they could both agree on was a good old fashion round of Smash. Whenever it was just the two of them, they generally sat down, fired up the N64, and just let their preferred characters bash one out.

As they were doing until a few seconds ago when an unsightly banner obscured their view of the television. “intervention” was proudly displayed, with one ‘i’ dotted with the crest of courage and the other with the crest of friendship. The phrase was repeated in Japanese, just underneath, in case the translation caused them to miss the point.

Either end of the banner was affixed to a small wooden tripod, being gently lowered to the ground by a devious sibling.

“What’s going on?” Yamato grumbled, still mashing buttons on the control in hopes of gaining an edge. “And when did you even have time to make that?”

Hikari ignored the protestation “We’re here because we’re your family and we care about you. We hoped that time would heal this wound, but time is no longer on our side. You two will be going to college soon, and we need to break through to you before too late.”

“What are you talking about?” Taichi asked. “We were in the middle of something.”

“Smash can wait, we can’t keep putting this off.” She took a deep breath. “This may be hard to hear, but please understand, it needs to be said: You are atrocious when talking to girls.”

“What?”

“Look Taichi, you’ve already near exhausted all your high school options, if something doesn’t change, you’re going to end up alone and unloved, filling your apartment with pets for some form of companionship.”

“Don’t you think you’re being a bit dramatic?” he asked. She solemnly shook her head ‘No’ in response.

“Can I go?” Yamato cut in. “I have a girlfriend, if you remember. We’ve been dating for years now.”

“Yes, and she still calls me to rant about it after every date.” Takeru cut. “I can only clean up your messes for so long Yamato, you have to learn how to do it yourself. Or better yet, don’t make messes in the first place.”

“Ouch.” Taichi said, casting a sideways glance at his co-captive.

“You aren’t any better Taichi,” Hikari shot, “You had seven people and eight Digimon wingmaning you on a simple phone call, and you still managed to mess it up.”

This time it was Yamato who glanced at Taichi.

“Now.” Takeru said “The first thing you need to learn is observation. If you pay attention to someone and signal that you notice when something changes. This shows you care enough about the other person to actually look at them and remember what they looked like yesterday.”

He cleared his throat, “For example, if say, your girlfriend decides to style her hair differently, you should maybe compliment the style change, instead of being oblivious. Wouldn’t you say, Yamato?”

“It was one time.” Yamato grumbled.

“Perhaps a practical demonstration would be better.” Hikari said. “Oh, Takeru, Honey, sorry I’m late, the train was delayed.”

“Don’t worry about it Babe, I’m just glad you’re here. Hey is that a new ring?”

“Why yes, thank you for noticing,” she said, bringing her hands up and giving the ring a twirl. “my BFF got it for me as an end-of-middle school present.”

“Ahh, I could tell it was someone close to you, that’s your birthstone on top right?”

“Yep.”

Takeru turned back towards his unwillingly captive audience. “See how I not only noticed the ring, remarked upon it, but also showed I remember her birth date.”

Taichi looked across at Yamato, “Do you know any of the birthstones?” A shrug was the only answer.

“You may think observation is only for what you can see, but it’s deeper than that. Any piece of information falls under observation, and if you like a girl, you will do your best to remember anything you learn about her.” Hikari said.

“Observation is really important, right Hikari?” Takeru asked.

“Very, but knowing everything can’t help if you don’t know how to use it. Which brings us to lesson two.”

“Is this whole thing just a ploy for your sister to practice being a teacher?” Yamato muttered.

“Tact!” Hikari and Takeru declared in unison.

“Tact is pretty tricky. You mostly define it by what not to do. Like not being a dumbass.” Takeru said.

“True, tact can be hard to see when done well. It’s basically about avoiding the obvious traps. For example, when calling a girl whose Maine coon died recently, you should maybe try and avoid mentions about that dead cat, unless she needs to vent. Isn’t that right, Taichi?”

“That was one time.” He protested.

“Right, right, a demonstration?” Takeru asked, pulling a magazine out from behind his back, and pretending to flip through the pages.

“Oh Honey, there you are.” Hikari said looking him up and down. She paused for a few seconds, then pulled lightly on his arm. “Say, I hear there’s a Harry Potter-themed escape room running these days, how about we go there on our next date.”

Takeru put the magazine down “Oh, what’s that? Thanks Babe.” he asked.

Hikari turned back towards the couch. “Notice how I observed the story about his favorite basketball star being caught in a scandal, and deflected toward other interests, instead of stepping on that land mine.”

“How would we even think to notice that?” Yamato grumbled.

“With observation of course.” Takeru replied. “Notice everything, even the things that aren’t being conveyed directly.”

“Being perfect might work for you Takeru, but some of us are human.” Taichi said.

“Oh, I’m hardly the only guy with a girlfriend. You just have to put some effort in.” Takeru said, “Which is as good a segue as any to topic three: Compliments.”

“I know how to give a compliment.” Taichi said.

“Do you?” Hikari asked. “So if you were at the beach with say Sora, or Mimi, or Meiko, you would be able to properly compliment their swimsuits?”

“One time!” Yamato and Taichi yelled together.

“And yet three failures. Pretty poor performance when you think about it.” Takeru said.

“Compliments can be tricky; they require you to combine the previous two skills. You need to observe someone so the compliment makes sense, but you also need tact. Something that’s a compliment to one person may be a touchy subject to another.” Hikari explained.

“Especially when it comes to appearance and body parts,” Takeru said, “and you don’t want to get too accustomed to your compliments either, keep them fresh and exciting.”

“It’s amazing isn’t it Taichi?” Yamato asked.

“So many words and I don’t think they said anything.” He agreed.

“Perhaps the demonstration then.” Takeru said, turning to his partner. “Hikari, I saw you reading to some of the elementary students today, boy am I lucky to have such a kind girlfriend.”

“Don’t mention it. I enjoy it, and I like to think they did too. Say, can you open this jar for me? It should be easy for a strong man like you.” Hikari said.

Takeru mimed grabbing and opening a jar. “Anything for you Babe, say, is that a new shirt, you look positively radiant today.”

Hikari raised her hand to cover her giggle, “I’m so glad I have such a funny boyfriend. You know this is the school uniform, I’ve been wearing it for almost three years now.”

“Huh, you’re right. I guess I never noticed, every time I look at you I can’t help but be overwhelmed by those pools of milky hazel, whenever I see them, my troubles float away and I feel like I have the strength of a thousand men. I could spend hours just staring into those wells of pure emotion.”

“I, uh, uhh, I like your eyes too?”

Takeru let out a large laugh and the pair turned back to the couch to find it no longer occupied.

“That’s no good. They’ll never learn like this.” Takeru admonished

Hikari raised her hands again, twirling the promise ring on her finger. “Do you think they noticed?” she asked.

“Them? No way.” Takeru replied, “but that’s what makes it fun. See how long it takes before they catch on.”

“What if someone else tells them we’re dating first?”

Takeru shrugged, “Just say we already told them, they just weren’t paying enough attention.”

[goldenraeofsun]

If you’re still doing the fic prompts I’d love enemies to friends to lovers and isolated or trapped. I love your writing and I’m a sucker for enemies to lovers plot lines!

Hour 0

Dean stomps his feet on the mat, trying to get rid of the snow caking stubbornly to his boots. It was a two minute walk from where he carefully parked his baby several cars down the driveway of Charlie’s rented cabin, but Dean and Sam look like they’d just gone toe to toe with an avalanche. As the door opens, grins. “Did someone say video games?” 

Charlie beams as she accepts a hello hug from Sam. “Just in time!” she tells them, tugging them both inside. “Kevin and Garth got here ten minutes ago. Jo’s making a liquor run, and Castiel is finishing setting up Monopoly.”

Dean’s relieved grin at finally getting out of the cold falls off his face at Castiel’s name. “Seriously?”

“It’s a legit game,” Charlie chides as she directs them further into the luxurious cabin she and the rest of her birthday party guests rented for the long weekend, “more legit than Vampirates vs. Goulpires,” she mutters under her breath. Before Dean could defend his totally not made up RPG, she adds, “Anyway, he also brought Clue, Sorry, Uno, and Settlers of Catan, before you jump down his throat for Monopoly.”

Dean scowls but admits, “I guess it wouldn’t be game night without the rest.”

“Exactly,” Charlie says primly.

“Nice place,” Sam says, unravelling his scarf as he walks inside, marveling at the exposed wood and other home deco shit Dean couldn’t care less about. There aren’t creepy paintings with eyes that follow you around or mounted animal heads on the wall, so it’s all good in Dean’s book. The owners are people who probably go glamping.

“It was a steal at this time of the year,” Charlie says with a grin. “Who knew nobody wanted to freeze their asses off in the middle of nowhere in January?”

“Wifi?” Sam asks, already hopefully rooting around in his pocket for his phone.

“I didn’t ask,” Charlie says cheerfully. As Sam’s face falls, she swats him in the arm. “This is going to be a completely offline weekend - and that’s coming from me. Don’t be a baby about it.” 

Just before the threshold of the living room, Charlie tugs Dean off to the side. “Hey, wait a sec.” They listen for a second as Sam’s appearance causes a brief uproar in loud greetings. “I know you don’t like Castiel-”

“’Cause he’s a dick,” Dean shoots back automatically.

“-but play nice,” Charlie continues, rolling her eyes. “It’s my birthday, and we definitely don’t need any macho man contests, got it?”

“Got it,” Dean grumbles. “But-”

“What?”

“I’m not gonna be blamed if he starts it,” Dean says, and he would cross his arms across his chest if he wasn’t carrying two bags full of three extra controllers and six videogames. He settles for glaring down at Charlie imperiously since he’s got the height advantage.

“See,” Charlie rolls her eyes, “This is why I’m so glad I’m a lesbian.”

Hour 1.5

“Come on!” Dean howls as Castiel fishes out the wedged bills from underneath Free Parking. “He’s already bought half the board!”

Charlie looks up from reorganizing the bank’s haphazard stacks of ones, fives, tens, twenties, and fifties. Plus a pathetic two five-hundred bills. The rest are already owned by Castiel.

Sam, who’d already declared bankruptcy twenty minutes ago and was already halfway to getting sharked by Jo in a poker with Kevin and Garth, elbows him in the ribs. “Play nice,” he hisses.

“He started it,” Dean retorts right to Castiel’s smirking face.

“By winning?” Castiel asks in an innocent tone that doesn’t fool Dean in the fucking least.

“By being an asshole,” Dean says darkly.

Sam just elbows him again.

Charlie rolls her eyes.

Hour 2

“That’s it! I’m done!” Dean declares, throwing down his two measly properties he managed to keep ahold of. “Take all my goddamn money.”

“Gladly,” Castiel says smugly as he adds Dean’s precious deeds to his pile of cards.

Charlie slaps her hand against her forehead.

“Alright, it’s you and me angel boy,” Dorothy says, leaning across the board. “Bring it.”

Hour 3

Castiel’s face falls faster than Yoshi just fell off Rainbow Road.

Dean’s currently in the lead, but he’s not so distracted by his impending victory to miss Castiel totally failing at Mario Kart. He hasn’t broken the top three since they started playing forty-five minutes ago. Dean grins widely.

“Oh, shut up,” Castiel grumbles as his eyes flick from the controller to the nearest wall and back again.

Dean’s gaze doesn’t deviate from the screen. “I didn’t say anything, jackass.”

“Oh my fucking god,” Sam mutters as he lobs a green koopa shell at Dean’s Mario.

Mario careens off the road, Luigi speeding past.

Dean’s mouth falls open. “What the hell, Sammy?” 

“All’s fair in love and war and Mario Kart,” Sam recites dutifully, his tongue between his teeth as he fights to keep his lead from Charlie’s Toad.

Hour 3.5

“Seriously, Dean?” Castiel demands over the sound of mashing buttons. “We are on the same team.”

“My bad,” Dean says blithely as he hammers on Yoshi again instead of aiming for Luigi or Toad. They’re clearly going to lose, but Dean might as well make it fun for himself.

Plus, there’s nothing Sam likes least than playing a boring game of Super Smash Bros. Serves him right, for forcing Dean to be on a team with Castiel. Oh we can’t be on a team together, Dean, we’ve had too much practice. It wouldn’t be fair - Dean’s shapely ass.

“You are being completely unreasonable.”

“D’you know who whines, Cas?” Dean taunts as he bonks Luigi once in the head before wailing on Yoshi, “babies.”

Castiel bursts out, “Dammit, Dean!” as Yosi gets blasted off screen, no thanks to Mario.

Dean isn’t the least bit sorry when Castiel does finally throw his controller at the wall and storms into the kitchen for more alcohol.

Hour 4

“Give me those goddamn sheep!” Dean hollers as he brandishes three lumber cards and an ore in Castiel’s face. “I know you have them.”

“I might,” Castiel says calmly, “but that has no bearing on whether or not I wish to trade with you.”

“You need lumber for that road,” Dean reminds him testily.

“Dorothy has extra lumber she might be willing to trade me,” Castiel says, eyes narrowing.

Dorothy looks up from where she’d been whispering conspiratorially with Charlie. “Uh, Charlie just took my extra lumber. Sorry.”

Castiel glares daggers of betrayal at the pair of them. “I forfeit my turn,” he announces, crossing his arms across his chest like a toddler refusing to walk one more step further.

“Seriously?” Dean gapes. “You’ve got to be kidding.”

“I am not,” Castiel thunders. “This whole evening, you’ve been recalcitrant and a poor loser. I don’t see why I have to accommodate such behavior.”

Dean slams down his hand on the table, rattling “Of all the goddamn pretentious bullshit-”

“Woah,” Kevin interrupts, alarmed. “Come on, guys, this doesn’t have to be a big deal-”

Dean interrupts, “He made it a big deal when he refused to trade the sheep!”

“This is not about the sheep, and you know it, Dean Winchester,” Castiel says severely.

“Okay,” Charlie says loudly, her mouth set in a firm line. “Time out.”

“Yes, thank you,” Castiel says gratefully. “I could do with a break -”

“No, a time out, Charlie says, pointing unambiguously at Castiel and Dean, “You two, get out until you can play nice together.”

Read the rest here!

[floraisann]

ateez reaction: you’re addicted to animal crossing: new horizons

➣ requested? ✓

➣ genre: fluff, humor

➣ masterlist

sorry that some of these are kinda dry 😔 i am try

❅♩♬♩❅――

❥ kim hongjoong:

lets you do your thing tbh

you’ll probably just be vibing in the living room with the switch hooked up to the tv and everything’s great when hongjoong just,,,, moves his work over without saying anything

you’re just ???? and he’s just :)))) the “just another tuesday” grin, you know?

after long enough if you ask him why he moved, he just says he “likes the soundtrack” like bro we do be bopping to the animal crossing ost out here in this quarantine joint

watches you play, only making comments when a villager says something REALLY cursed

really likes marshal— he’s funny

not the type to hate villagers either except chops, fuck chops

once yunho shows him how the custom qr code outfit designs work you’re about to have the most stylish lil mayor that ever roamed the earth

probably also borrows your switch to make your town jingle

overall is just confused by the game dynamic, but likes the music and how happy it’s making you :)

you’re gonna have to put the switch down on your own honey, he’s too caught up in bopping to the music while doing his own work to realize you’ve been playing for eight hours

❥ park seonghwa

has the game too, probably bought it for you so you could build “couple islands” and be THAT cute gamer couple

still probably nags you for gaming too hard if too many hours pass and you’re ignoring basic needs to like,,,, get lolly on your island or something of the sort

but lolly’s cute give him 5 mins to fall in love w god cat

sends you cute in-game love letters when you’re headass six feet away from each other in real time

but it’s ok they’re cute and he likes making you blush

brings his pretty flowers to your island he also steals yours but that’s okay

dumbfounded by your blatant aggression towards certain villagers

offers to “trade” villagers with you to make you happy and marshal scares him please take marshal from him

yes he’ll bring you cute snacks as if you were studying

overall happy that you found something you enjoy together, but will make you take frequent breaks so you don’t put off whatever you actually have to do too much

❥ jeong yunho

didn’t get the hype at first. bought the game since he thought it had to be super fun if you were ignoring him for hours at a time to go bug catching LMFAO

yet when he downloads it there’s a catch

mr epic gamer, unlike you, has the luck of a god and generates an actual island paradise and probably gets a ton of shooting star fragments too 😔✊🏻

you’re the one stealing from his island, but it’s okay he loves you 💕

and he doesn’t quite understand the game yet

gives you star fragments because you can’t get any and he doesn’t want you all sad because you can’t make a wand!!

has all the cute villagers, but if any try to move will give them to you

pays off your tom nook debt because with his luck it probably takes him less than an hour to get filthy rich in game

also figures out the qr code outfits early on. yes he’ll try to make you one, yes he’ll make himself match

overall, he gets the game because of you but does it better because it’s yunho why wouldn’t he xoxo

still makes sure you’re doing what you need to before you go off to work on your island for six hours; the type to offer game rewards he magically obtains as a prize for you after you finish your daily work

oh to be jeong yunho

❥ kang yeosang

the president of the epic gamer club

probably persuaded you to buy it with him so he could rob your island of all your goods

makes you both reset the game until your islands both have good items but are different

so he can steal your fruit :D

“y/n, you— no, restart. you can’t have peach trees, i already have peach trees!”

“dates” where you guys lie on his bed with your consoles, literally just exploring each other’s islands

y’all practically end up sharing two islands. that’s how much you play together

invites you to go raid the other members’ islands

cursed humor carries into the game; like he’ll send you crackhead mail when you least expect it and the content WILL be something that’s only funny because it’s Yeosang

“you make me so incredibly happy, y/n. almost as happy as when tom nook first handed me my nookphone. almost”

celebrates with you when you’re both rid of the ugly villagers

overall impartial to your obsession, rather he’s glad he has someone to steal from share with

still will make you take breaks with him. he loves that you’ve got a pretty island but you need to take care of yourself sweetie

if you don’t listen he will randomly come on your island to beat you up with a shovel xoxo yeosang luvs u 😘

❥ choi san

would not mind the game at all if it weren’t making you IGNORE HIS NEED FOR CUDDLES >:(

tbh san would probably whine about being attention starved for an eternity 15 mins until he realizes his whining isn’t working, and he has no choice but to cuddle up to you while letting you do your thing

by that i mean he’s backseat gamer all the way, no i do not accept criticism

he’d probably just plop down next to you and cuddle into your side or lay on top of you— just positioning himself in some way that he can see your gameplay

the type to cling to you while you play while bothering you until you accept his game opinions as fact

can and will make you kick out the villagers he thinks are ugly

“i just want you to kick that smelly limberg out, is that really too much to ask?”

probably spent 10 minutes absolutely losing his shit over the animal crossing language

“WHY ARE THEY TALKING IN KEYBOARD SMASH?”

takes the next half hour to learn how to speak it

so next time you play too long and ignore him, will shut off your switch then lay down on you and scream acnh villager language gibberish in your EAR

"you didn’t have a problem with that voice three hours ago when you were talking to that cat rosie!!” :(

if you really ignore him and never stop playing NOTHING is stopping him from being dramatic and saying smth like “y/n, i can’t take this anymore! choose, me or him!”

“him” is tom nook

why the fuck would you pick tom nook

❥ song mingi

knows the game is popular but wasn’t bothered to try playing

so when he sees you, curled up on the couch in the same position he saw you two hours ago just with one less family sized bag of chips, he quietly sighs to himself and sits next to you

“is the game really that interesting?”

when you nod, he ends up like san and kind of chills with you, backseat gaming mode

except he isn’t yelling at you to kick out the ugly villagers, he can already see you trying on your own

gets shocked when the first tarantula appears and you get bitten

occasionally gives input on what he thinks you can do to have a better island

makes you go on an island tour so he can see what you headass just spent the last week making

actually is impressed by how much work you put into your virtual island

congrats! you’ve unlocked an achievement! : gaming livestream date for song mingi

will decide for himself who the cutest villager is then act cute and ask if he looks like them. it’s probably gonna be kid cat. tell him he does. please, Tell Him he looks like kid cat

basically i don’t think he’d be that put off by you getting addicted to the game because!!! acnl is the most relaxing game ever he likes to watch you while he unwinds after a long day

if you play too long though he won’t really say much, just sit by you pouting like :(((( “lov me”

pls love him, the big babie 🥺

❥ jeong wooyoung

another member that probably has the game, but isn’t as obsessed as you

will beg you for shooting star fragments if you get any though. please get this man a wand

does not get WHY you’re trying so hard on your island layout. literally only wants one villager, his island can go to shit so long as he has that one villager

that one villager is probably gonna be molly or something

another member who learns how to imitate animal crossing speak, except his voice is already in the correct pitch

makes fun of you complaining about a villager you hate but it all comes back to bite him in the ass once moose shows up on his island and he gets it

you guys are having a competition to see who can get sprinkle on your island first

spoiler alert: he wins, he stole her from seonghwa

(he steals a lot from seonghwa)

overall happy with the fact that you guys have a game to play together

but if you grind too hard on your own and ignore him for hours at a time can and will invade your island to steal your fruit and trample your flowers. AND send you spam mail

sorry

❥ choi jongho

doesn’t care for the game, and he’s mostly chill too so he’ll probably just vibe in the other room while you play, waiting for you to finish so he can do something with you

comes out a few hours later when you’re (still) lying on the couch, angrily button mashing while muttering curses to yourself

he’s really confused tbh, he’s seen yeosang play, he knows you don’t gotta go that hard to be a successful mayor, so he HAS to ask what the fuck you’re so mad about

“i’m TRYING to catch a blittering at the moment, but i keep getting these stupid carps!!! i have a debt to pay off, god!!”

becomes infinitely more amused with the game after that point

he thinks its so funny how someone could get heated while playing through probably the most relaxing game ever

watches you fish; he enjoys the puns and seeing you get frustrated when you keep catching those goddamn carps

probably takes the switch from you at one point to try his hand at it and catches a koi fish in his first five minutes

“i guess you just suck at fishing, y/n”

overall pretty unbothered by your love for the game until you start ignoring him

then he will threaten your in-game apples, saying he’s .2s away from stealing one of his members’ switches just to brawl with your trees

and we all know who’s gonna win between jongho and apples

[one-for-all-bnha]

Bakusquad Headcanons (mainly focused around Sero and Kaminari) I might do a Part 2 later

Okay so all of them (minus Bakugou) seem to be chill but certain things (or all the time) make them suuuper competitive

1. Mall shenanigans, going around and buying things for each other to see who had the best gift feat. An awkward Bakugou Katsuki who has to find something for Mina and he asks subtly

2. Sneaking out of the dorms to get food. It was Sero and Kaminari’s idea, Mina was in it because it was a wonderful night for a walk, Kirishima wanted a Bang energy drink and Bakugou only went along because “Knowing you dumbasses you would get lost before you even get there”

3. Kaminari realizing Bakugou has a soft spot for him feat. The BakuSquad all tell him that he won’t get mad if Kaminari breaks the news. They’ve awakened a demon. Kaminari claims that he has “Special Best Rights” and nobody corrects him but Sero does add “And the fact that you fear no god.” Mina and Kirishima both nod in agreement.

4. Playing Smash at 1am in the lounge room feat. Bakugou sucking miserably because he button mashes and has to whisper yell when he dies. Kirishima ends up teaching him some tricks. Sero ends up being the one who cackles and they are all quiet until they hear footsteps coming down the stairs, Mina stares at them all horrified. “Scatter.” They all run separate ways like roaches. Bakugou ends up hiding in a cabinet. Kaminari hides behind a fake plant, while Kirishima rushes to the bathroom and hides in the shower. Sero is the one who gets caught, Mina ends up hiding out in the kitchen. They have these competitions almost every Saturday because Bakugou refuses to stay up late on school nights.

6. Kitchen mayhem, Bakugou is visiting his mom since his dad is away so the group must fend for themselves. Kaminari ends up setting the kitchen on fire and meanwhile Kirishima is FaceTiming Bakugou when all of it is going down. While Bakugou’s home he feels like his group doesn’t need him so when he sees the chaos feat various screeches of “DEAR GOD PUT IT OUT”

“wHOS GETTING TODOROKI?!”

“God this smells like charred ass” Bakugou smiles and grabs his coat.

“Later old hag.” He heads to the door clearly he’s needed elsewhere. Suddenly feeling bad Kirishima waves his hands.

“It’s okay really we’ve got it. You don’t have to leave I didn’t mean to cut your visit short.”

“Oh please”, Bakugou says. “I’m clearly needed.”

He’s about to open the door when his mom shouts at him. “And where the fuck do you think you’re going?”

“I’m heading back. My dumbass friends have set the kitchen on fire.” He can’t help but allow the smile to fall onto his face.

The anger could wait first he had a Kitchen to save. Because of this incident the Bakusquad aren’t allowed anywhere near the kitchen without Bakugou or somebody else being with them.

7. Kaminari initiates stress relieving cuddles 99% of the time. After a typically stressful day he’ll break into Bakugou’s room and just lay smack down on his bed. Bakugou pretends to be angry but at this point he just texts the group chat named Cracktivities by Sero and tells the squad to “get their asses over” they all end up watching a movie and fall asleep half way through. They’re covered in blankets and Mina ends up bringing snacks that at first Bakugou was against because “I SWEAR TO FUCK IF I FIND ANY CRUMBS IN MY BED ALL OF YOU ARE DEAD” but it holds no heat to it

8. The group all steal Bakugou’s hoodies cause he’s warm at first and it soon turns into all of them sharing clothes whether they mean to or not. One day Mina and Kaminari pass each other in the hallway and both nod before they back up and stare at each other. “Is that my choker?” She asks. Kaminari tried to look down but can’t. “Maybe? Is that my belt?” She stares down at the belt with a lightning bolt on it. “I think so?” Kaminari smiles. “Oh cool, if that’s the case it looks epic on you.” Mina beams. “Same to you! The choker really brings a new level to your outfit!”

10.Group therapy session. Mina paints their nails and Jirou puts on some calming music as they all vent about things that are going on in their lives. Kirishima puts on a face mask and gets Kaminari to do it to. He tries getting Bakugou to do it too by saying “Come on rejuvenating skin is manly bro.” Bakugou just smirks. “Remember my quirk works as a skin care routine in itself.” The rest of the squad wears face masks Sero sighs dramatically. “Oh to have flawless skin without breakouts.” Kaminari takes a cucumber off his face, “Oh to be cursed with natural beauty.” Bakugou doesn’t know how to handle that compliment so he just rolls his eyes and smiles. “Idiots,” he says staring down at Sero who’s dramatically sprawled out on the floor. They all smile at him while Mina corrects him. “Your idiots.” He cant even deny it as a fond look passes over his face. “My idiots.”

11. He has a sixth sense and knows when they are up to something. At one point he walks past Kirishima’s room and hears “Dont tell Bakugou” so naturally he kicks the door open and says “Tell me what.” He ends up looking between Sero and Kaminari only to find that there are kittens everywhere. “No.”

“Oh come on Bakugou, can’t we keep them?”

“Aizawa will kill you for this no.”

“No he won’t he loves cats.”

“Fine, I’ll kill you for this.”

They end up sneaking the kittens into 1-B’s class early before class starts. Kaminari and Sero give a tearful goodbye to each kitten while Bakugou is smirking ruthlessly while trying to keep the cats at bay and make sure they will have everything they need. When Shinsou goes into the classroom to find the kittens first thing in the morning it’s a good day. No kitten was harmed and they all got anonymously adopted by Aizawa. They almost get caught because the trio has to hide them in their school uniforms and on the way to 1-B All Might sees them. Bakugou pushes Sero and Kaminari to keep walking as All Might approaches.

“Good morning Young Bakugou, what’s in your coat?” Before he can answer one of the kittens meow, without missing a beat he turns to face All Might.

“Drugs.” He says and walks off before the hero can ask anything else.

12. I guarantee you at some point when him and Kaminari were sparring and Bakugou held Kaminari’s head down with his hand, Kaminari’s first reaction would be to lick his hand. It takes 0.2 seconds for the instant regret to kick in. Kaminari immediately throws Bakugou off and starts viciously wiping his tongue down. “Ew ew ew ew ew I got it in my mouth yuck.”

It takes a couple of seconds for Bakugou to just realize what the fuck happened and he loses his shit laughing. He follows Kaminari as he makes a mad dash to the kitchen and downs whatever is in the fridge. “Oh my god it burns!!!” He whines and quickly turns on the sink violently rubbing his tongue down in an attempt to get the taste off of his tongue. The Bakusquad ask them what’s wrong but between Bakugou laughing and Kaminari gargling dink water babbling “regrets regrets I have so many regrets” every chance he gets mingled in with a “yucky” or “disgusting, grosss” they have no idea what happened.

Kaminari just decides fuck it He grabs the dish soap and places it on his tongue scrubbing at it so his head is cocked so that he has the best angle to wash his tongue and then makes awkward eye contact with Aizawa who is watching in horror. Kaminari tries to be suave and waves to him “Sup Sensei” and Aizawa looks from Kaminari to where Bakugou is practically wheezing in a spinny chair for him to walk out while muttering “Fuck this class, should’ve retired when I had the chance”

Meanwhile the Bakusquad finally connects the dots as to what happened and join Bakugou in a laughing fit while Kaminari whines with his face pressed to the sink still. “Oh come on you guys it’s not funny.” But they can’t hear him over the sound of all of them laughing. “You’re an idiot what made you think that would work?” Sero asks. Kaminari starts gesturing wildly which only makes them laugh harder “it was a reflex okay?!” Finally when the burning calms down he looks over at Mina who’s googling what happens when you lick nitroglycerin “am I gonna die?”

Jirou suddenly stands beside him and places a consoling hand on his shoulder. “Yes.” And then she leaves causing the group to start snickering again. Kaminari brushes his hands down his tongue saying “Absolutely disgusting” before wiping it onto Bakugou’s arm. He shrieks and jumps out of the chair “What the fuck do you think you’re doing dunce face?!”

“Returning the nitroglycerin I licked ya nasty”

He reaches his hands towards his face. “There seems to be a bit more.”

“KAMINARI NO!”

He licks his hands. The moment Kaminari’s hands touched his tongue he knew he fucked up.

“GODDAMIT!”

He runs back to the sink.

That’s all I can think of so far, if you guys have anything else to add feel free.

[serpent453]

Deltarune Fic - WIP

Jevil laughed as his static-filled exclamations echoed around his spacious world of rebar and blue. The sound traveled upward, like a money scrambling up a tree, before it fluttered down again with a faint whisper. For a brief moment, he thought the ceiling of the world had spoken as if to humor him, but he knew better than that. The monkey voice was his and his alone!

“HEE HEE, HOO HOO, HEE HAH!”

Him and his voice exchanged such interesting conversations. Even with the limited vocabulary inherent to the echo, so much could be said! With nary but a twist of the tone, you open up a limitless potential for meaning! His former king would berate the disorderly nature of it all. “Speak what you mean!” he’d declare before demanding another joke. He’d never understood that the joke was on him! Jevil’s language was barred from those who could not see the game they were playing! When one mistakes truth for babble, no wonder one is inclined to lock themselves away from it all. 

Jevil turned to face the jail cell everyone else was locked behind. A staircase led down to his world, blocked only by a single barred door made of grey metal. A guard used to stand there, and out of all the other guards to stand there, he was the one that laughed the loudest at his jokes, smiled the widest at his conversations, and the most eager to amuse Jevil with his games. He lasted the longest of the bunch, and since then, no other person had bothered to come down and join him in his world. 

Not even Seam.

Seam, the traitorous cat. He couldn’t even bother with the pretense of care after a while. His presence, once a daily blessing, grew rarer by the week, until Jevil couldn’t remember a time where the cat’s button-eyed face shone through the bars of the door. He, too, remained content to be locked inside his cell, while Jevil sat free.

“FOOLS!” Jevil said, for who but himself was around to humor this thoughts? “ALL FOOLS! WHY CONTENT YOURSELF WITH YOUR FALSE GAMES, WHEN YOU CAN PLAY GAMES WITH ME, ME!” 

Suddenly, he stopped. 

Footsteps, soft yet deep in tone, echoed down the stairs. The staircase squeaked with each step, and Jevil heard the clanging of chain and metal mashing together. His eyes widened. 

“O, KNIGHT!” Jevil called, rushing to the door and clasping at the bars blocking the Knight from him. “I AM HERE! HEE HEE, HOO HOO, HEE HAH!” 

Jevil waited, bouncing up and down against the door as the Knight slowly came into view. He stomped down the last few steps with the mechanical nature of any suit of armor: slow but methodical. He peered directly upon Jevil, silent. If he was smiling, frowning, or even laughing in glee upon his find, then it was impossible to tell. The metal helmet covered all but his crimson eyes, and the metal armor covered everything else about him too. 

Everything except that glowing red SOUL inside of him. It shined like polished floors. Jevil gaze at it, his mouth agape in a smile. 

“A SOUL! HOW DID YOU ACQUIRE SUCH A FINE BLESSING, O KNIGHT?”

“That’s not your concern, Jevil.” The Knight replied. 

“IT’S BEEN SO LONG.” Jevil said, cocking his head to the side. “DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE LIGHTNERS? THEY RESTORED BALANCE TO THE FOUNTAINS, JUST AS THE PROPHECY FORETOLD, YES!”

“Yes,” The Knight spat, his crimson eyes flaring, “just as it foretold.” 

“AN ORGANIZED CHAOS, SUCH AS IT WERE. AND HOW DID THE HOLY KNIGHT COME TO VISIT ME?”

The Knight shook his metal head, sighing. “I had to search the world just to find a way in here, and if what your friend said is true, then I hope it’s worth it.”  

“SEAM?” Jevil exclaimed, the tips of his jester hat lowering down. “How is that poor plush doing?”

“Accepting whatever fate befalls him, I suppose. At least he pointed me your way.”

Jevil’s grin widened all the more. “AND SO THE ILLUSTRIOUS KNIGHT COMES TO JOIN ME IN THE REAL WORLD! HEE HEE, HOO HOO, HEE HAH!”

The Knight’s metal fist tightened. “That world is no more real than the one out here.” 

“HOW ELSE CAN YOU DESCRIBE IT?” Jevil said, giggling, “WHAT IS OUT THERE BUT A PLAYPEN FULL OF TOYS, HOLLOW INSIDE, EXISTING ONLY TO SERVE AND THEN BE DISCARDED?” 

Jevil saw the Knight slump a bit and lower his helmet, as if hiding. 

“I take it you know exactly what I am talking about?” Jevil asked, a small laugh escaping his grey lips.

The Knight suddenly laughed back, and the sound brought delight to the jester devil. He was surprised to find it was not a very deep sound, akin more to a child’s laugh more befitting the King’s Spade Child than a faceless suit of armor. 

“You know nothing.” The Knight replied, “You barely know more than anyone else.” 

“I KNOW ALL I NEED TO KNOW, HEE HEE!” Jevil snapped back, hands gripping ever tighter on the bars of the cell. 

“Then it’s a good thing that what you know is enough for me.” 

“OH? KNOWLEDGE IS WHAT YOU SEEK?”

For some reason, this made Jevil laugh all the harder. 

“FUNNY. MOST CAN’T BEAR MY UNFETTERED KNOWLEDGE!” Jevil said, “POOR JEVIL! HE MUST CONCEAL REALITY UNDER THE FABRIC OF COMEDY, AND DULL HIS BLADED WORDS WITH THE STONE OF IRONY!”

Jevil continued lamenting, his head flipped back dramatically and his voice cracking with sorrow. The Knight gazed blankly at the jester, as if he couldn’t tell if Jevil was being completely serious or not. 

After waiting for Jevil to stop on his own, the Knight promptly snapped. “Jevil!” 

The jester devil giggled, looking back up at the Knight while laying on the floor, frozen in a dramatic lament of a pose. 

“I am not here to play games.” The Knight growled. “I’m here because you know something I don’t.”

“ABOUT HIM?”

The Knight flinched. “... How did you know?”

“HEE HEE, HOO HOO, HEE HAH! I KNOW MANY THINGS, O KNIGHT!” Jevil said, standing up and rushing back to the door with the widest grin imaginable. “I KNOW THE TRUE NATURE OF THINGS, HEE HEE, AND I KNOW THAT THERE’S ONLY OUT THERE…”

Jevil pointed his finger at the staircase behind the Knight, and then twisted it back towards himself.

“AND IN HERE.”

“You’re wrong…” The Knight muttered, fists tightening. “There’s more. I feel it. I know it.” 

“YOU STILL BELIEVE IN THE LIGHT WORLD?” Jevil asked, snickering, “PLEASE. EVEN IF IT WAS REAL, IT MAKES NO DIFFERENCE.”

“IN FACT,” Jevil exclaimed, sticking his tongue out like a snake, “WHY PRETEND YOUR CHOICES ARE REAL ANYWHERE AT ALL? IN THE WORLD OF PROPHECIES, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU HAVE CHOICE?”

Suddenly, the Knight launched forward, metal claws outstretched to grab at Jevil’s neck. Jevil hopped away, leaving a snarling Knight to swipe at thin air as his metal body slammed against the cell.

“I do not want to hear another word of prophecy, do you hear me?! It means nothing now! I am BEYOND it now!”

Jevil kept quiet as the Knight’s SOUL, black like tar, seeped out of his body. 

“Lightners, Darkners, fountains, the Queen, the Prophecy! I’m beyond it all and I’m beyond you too!” He roared, jabbing his finger at Jevil. “I don’t have to stay in this world and play games anymore. I don’t have to stay and follow orders like a pet! I’m not held down by tomes of fate anymore! I, and I alone, can reach that real world!”

“WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?” 

What other real world could there be? Certainly not the Light World, after all. The real world was all around Jevil, and if even the Knight, so mighty as he, could not see that, then he was as deluded as the rest of them. 

“I have a true purpose now, jester, and it’s mine and mine alone!” The Knight exclaimed, his voice high with glee. 

Jester gaped at the raging Knight, eyes fixed on the blackened SOUL oozing back into the Knight’s metal form. The sight of fury made Jevil shiver, but not of fear.

“... HEE HEE, HOO HOO, HEE HAH!”

“What’s so funny?” 

“O KNIGHT, YOU’RE THE MOST AND LEAST FOOLISH OF ALL!” Jevil said, laughing before he skipped towards the cell door and gazed up at the looming Knight.

“SO, YOU SEEK KNOWLEDGE FROM THE FOOL OF HIM. WHAT DO YOU WISH TO KNOW?”

The Knight stood silent, glaring down at Jevil. 

“You know about HIM. You know where HE came from.”

The Knight’s hands tightened around the bars, threatening to snap them off. “I need to know too, and you’re going to tell me.” 

------------------------

“SO I TOLD HIM.”

“What?” Susie exclaimed. “Why?”

Jevil stuck his tongue out at her. “CHAOS! THAT KNIGHT WOULD MAKE THE WORLD HIS OWN, NO MATTER WHO WANTED TO STOP HIM! SUCH A BEAUTIFUL, GLORIOUS CHAOS!”

“So where did he go? Where did you lead him to?” Noelle asked.

“HEE HEE! I DIDN’T LEAD HIM ANYWHERE!”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“YOU CAN’T SIT ON A CHAIR THAT NEVER STAYS PUT, HEE HEE! HE DISCOVERED IT ALL ON HIS OWN!”

“Well, that’s just great!” Susie shouted, practically breaking the floor with how hard she smashed the axe into it. “So now how are we gonna find out what’s going on?”

“Talk to Seam.” Jevil said, his voice momentarily fading, as if recollecting a bitter memory.

“... What?”

“If you want the truth…” Jevil said, his grin reforming once more, “TALK TO SEAM. HE’LL TELL YOU WHAT TO DO.”

[bookcrook]

Absolutely Smitten

Dang. I really suck at keeping my word, don’t I? Whelp, for those who care, it’s here now! This is the first of I don’t know how many parts of “Six Foot Seven”, a new series/book thing I’ve been working on lately, requested by @i-cant-reach-im-too-short! The entirety of the series will be based on her real-life love story, as well as a playlist she gave me. First song was Absolutely Smitten by Dodie Clark. Hope you all enjoy! :)

“Teddy, come eat!” I call out from the kitchen, rattling his food around the large metal bowl. I wait a few minutes before yelling out his name again. “Teddy! Teddy Bear! C’mon! I have to leave soon and you need to eat.” Still no response.

And so begins my daily game of “Find the Giant Dog Hiding in my Tiny Apartment and Hope He Didn’t Run Off and Start the Zombie Apocalypse Without Me”. Such a great way to start my day…

I search behind couches and loveseats, inside closets and my bathroom only to find absolutely nothing. “Where, oh where has my Teddy gone, oh where, oh where could he be,” I sing softly under my breath, “In the closet he’s not, with me he’s… Also not, oh where, oh where could he be.” I continue with my non-rhyming song, raising my volume a little as I get closer and closer to my bedroom, the only other place he could be hiding. 

When I finally reach the doorway, I hear a playful bark come out from beneath my bed. I lower myself down to my knees, pull up the flashlight on my phone, and put my right cheek against the carpet. And, sure enough, I’m staring into the eyes of my slightly-obnoxious-but-still-very-lovable German Shepard. Who also just so happens to be stuck underneath the bed I just got. 

How he got there is beyond me and getting him out is going to be a serious victory on my end. As in, the kind of victory that deserves a pint and a half of double chocolate chip ice cream and a box of Cheez-Its after work. I try coaxing him out, seeing if he can squeeze himself just enough to remove himself from the tight spot. I bribe him with treats and squeaky toys, but he doesn’t move a muscle. So, I move on to what I knew was, ultimately, inevitable and would no doubt break all of my limbs off of my body.

Have you ever seen a 5’2 Asian girl trying to lift up a Queen size metal bed frame (with the mattress on top of it because she had just woken up half an hour ago and was still extremely tired, so she wasn’t smart enough to take it off) at least a foot off the ground completely and utterly by herself? I haven’t, but God damn it must be hilarious to look at. Actually doing it, though? Terrible. Absolutely horrid. The worst thing I’ve ever done in my 22 years of living. I mean, seriously. What is this thing made out of? Steel with a brick-filled mattress? Ridiculousness, I tell you!

Twenty minutes later, Teddy is roaming free around our brand new home while I’m lying on my bedroom floor exhausted and trying to find a will to live, which immediately comes with an alarm going off on my phone. Who would’ve thought I’d be so ecstatic to leave the comfort of my apartment for an entire day of work behind a desk only running on four hours of sleep. I force myself up and attempt to wipe as much dog hair off of my once clean clothes, abandoning hope soon after---there’s just no escaping it.

Collecting my things, I make my way toward the door, glancing quickly at the clock on my stove. Right on time, I think to myself. Waiting for the elevator was maddening. Come on... 

I mash the button impatiently, muttering curse words under my breath in frustration. I do the same when the doors finally slide open, revealing a small family of three with a tiny puppy on a leash. The slow background music only fueled my anxiety. 

Before the doors are even wide enough to accommodate an entire person, I slip through the tiny gap and race outside. I flatten my hair and my eyes immediately dart to the left, finding exactly what---or, more specifically, who---I was looking for walking toward me.

“Holy shit,” I murmur softly. How is it possible for one person to look so amazing just walking down the street? I soon realize I’m staring like a literal stalker, so before I’m caught, I turn and start walking swiftly in the same direction he’s going.

“Megan!” I hear a familiar, deep voice call from behind me, “Wait up!”

“Not a chance! I’d say you’ve got long enough legs to catch up to me,” I respond, an air of fake confidence in my voice. I slow down only slightly, despite my original statement, and, sure enough, Owen manages to reach me in a few long strides. 

“You’re difficult, you know that?” he laughs softly. I pray that no one saw my insides turn into literal jelly. What am I even supposed to do? My legs keep moving, but my mind is such a jumbled mush that it can’t comprehend anything around me. Which shouldn’t be happening. I’m a strong, independent woman---I don’t need him telling me if I’m pretty or not. I don’t.

So, as we walk, I begin concentrating on not concentrating on him. I quickly find that doing so is no use to me and caused me to not hear a single word Owen just spoke.

“You still there, shorty?” he teases, poking the top of my head.

“Hmm? Oh, yeah! Sorry. Just a little out of it, I guess.” Which was true, to be fair---I just decided it would be better to give him only half of the truth, for my heart’s sake. “What’d you say?”

Owen’s shoulder bumps into mine slightly, “I asked if you were eating in the office today. Thought I’d join you, but it looks as though you’re empty-handed.”

I stop in my tracks as he finishes speaking. “Idiot. Idiot, idiot, idiot,” I whisper to myself, hoping he doesn’t hear me. Because my luck is shit today, he does, and he seems to believe I was talking to him. 

“Excuse me?” Owen laughs nervously, surprised by my comment.

“No!” I exclaim a little too loudly, “Not you! I was talking to myself. Didn’t realize it until you mentioned it, but I forgot my food at home; it’s been a crazy morning, so I didn’t really think about grabbing to before I left.”

“What happened?”

“Oh, nothing important, really. Just stuff with my dog…” I wanted to add ‘and you’, but it seems a bit… Forward. Creepy. Stalker-ish. Take your pick. “Made some grilled chicken, noodles, and asparagus last night, too. Looks like it’s the vending machine for me today! Yay.”

“I mean, you don’t have to…” Owen looks away slightly as his sentence trails off.

I let out a bitter laugh. “Unless you’re suggesting that I turn back and risk being late just for a bag of mediocre food, I’m afraid I do.”

“Fair point, but no. ‘Tis not what I mean by that, miss,” he taunts, putting on one of the worst fake British accents I’ve ever heard. It’s something he does often. Why? No clue---not even an inkling of an idea, but it makes my heart melt every time.

“Then what do you have in mind?”

“We could always go out to lunch. There’s this cafe-diner-thing a block or two down from the office that serve the best grilled cheese known to man. If you haven’t tried don’t think I won’t drag you there myself,” Owen laughs. I can feel my eyes light up at the prospect of that. “It can be a group thing or something.”

My shoulders deflate just a tiny bit. I knew it wasn’t going to be a date---I’m not that stupid, but I hoped it could at least be just the two of us. It’s okay, I think to myself, taking in a deep breath, It doesn’t matter. We’re just friends. I force a smile before agreeing. “Oh, yeah. Totally! Sounds great. I can see if Laura and Chelsea want to come.”

We’d finally reached our destination when the conversation began and are now parting ways as it ends. “Awesome! See you then?”

“Definitely,” I say softly. Despite my disappointment, I’m able to produce a small---but very genuine---smile.

I’m practically floating as I make my way to my tiny desk and collapse onto my rolling chair. Slumped completely down (in a way that is terrible for my back), I let out a startled screech as a voice, seemingly coming from nowhere, scares me senseless.

“You’re late,” Chelsea teases in a sing-song tone from above me.

“...No I’m not.” I point at the large clock across the room.

“How…” she stumbles over words, “How do you know I didn’t come in early and change the time on all of the clocks because... Pranks?”

“Chels, you’re still wearing your coat.”

“It’s cold.”

“How about the fact that, one, your coffee is still steaming and you refuse to drink the tar that they have here. Two, you don’t wake up any earlier than you absolutely have to because you’re the definition of a night owl. Or, and I’d say this is my most convincing argument, three, you just don’t care enough to do that.” I sit up as I rest my case and begin pulling out my things for the day.

“You’re no fun,” Chelsea pouts, lowering herself behind the cork board wall that separates us.

Ignoring her very hurtful words, I continue the conversation as though nothing happened, “Has Laura come in yet?”

She scoots her chair over to your side as she answers, “I don’t think so. Or if she has I haven’t seen her. Why?”

I let out a groan and drop my head onto my desk, smashing the keys on my laptop. “Great. I needed her to help me make some copies because I have to meet with some clients later today and I have no clue how to work that… Thing.”

Chelsea opens her mouth, prepared to offer help, but I cut her off before she can, “Don’t. I love you, but she’s the only one who can tame the beast. I swear that if anyone looked at it the wrong way it would set the entire building on fire. Especially if it were either of us.”

“That’s fair,” she relinquishes. Suddenly, a tornado in human form tears through the office dropping a pile of things on Laura’s desk and races into a conference room, all in a matter of .04357 milliseconds.

“She’s here,” I chuckle slightly.

Twenty minutes later, Laura races back into the room and all but sprints to her desk. Thinking she might actually be done in there, I try to ask for her help. And, before I’m ever able to finish saying her name, she explains, “Can’t talk right now. Still doing the presentation; just forget some papers.”

Not long after that, Laura is finally free and snatches my papers from my desk, taking them to that dreaded machine and returning with 15 more than I need.

“Sorry about the extras,” she sighs as she drops them in my lap, “There was an error with the copier, but at least you have those if you need them.”

“Thank you!” I exclaim in a hushed voice, “You are a life saver, I swear!”

“Are you just now figuring that out?” Laura laughs.

I stick my tongue out at her before continuing my work.

I later feel a light tap on my shoulder. Turning around, I find Owen standing there, a large stack of papers in his hand. “Hey, what’s up?”

“I was just on my way to steal Anthony’s copier, but I thought I’d let you know that James, Benny, and the others can’t make it to lunch. Any luck with you?”

Before I can even consider speaking, Laura immediately turned the focus of the conversation to Anthony. “Wait. Wait just a second. Anthony’s been hiding a perfectly working copier from us?!”

“Guess so.” Owen gives a small shrug.

“What the hell!” she exclaims angrily.

To avoid the situation from escalating, I direct us back to our original topic. “I completely forgot to ask about lunch. Umm… Chels, Laura, either of you doing anything for lunch? I forgot my food this morning, so we thought it’d be a fun idea to get a little group together to go out.” My friends share a conspiratorial look when I’m finished. 

Chelsea’s the first to respond. “I really wish I could, but,” she pauses, “I have to run home and feed Pepper. Planned on just stopping by McDonald’s or something on my way back.”

“Neither can I,” Laura sighs with an ingenuine sadness in her voice, “Thomas wanted to take me out at that new sushi place across town. Sorry. Hope you guys have fun.”

A smile twitching on his lips, Owen turns back to me. “Just the two of us, then.”

“Yep,” I mumble quietly, my face growing warmer by the second.

“See you in a bit?” 

“Yep,” I repeat myself. His smile was now a grin as he left. Once he’s gone, I snap my eyes back to the two girls, glaring.

“What the fuck was that about?! First of all, you,” I point at Chelsea’s floating head, “Don’t a cat. Or a dog. Or any kind of pet! As for you, Laura. Don’t think I don’t know that Thomas won’t be home for another week. That’s all you’ve been talking about since he left!”

“It’s a week and three days,” she corrects me.

“Exactly my point!”

“Sorry, but we had to!” Chelsea cuts in, “You’ve had one of Cupid’s little arrows stuck in your ass since you started working here two years ago!”

“Not to mention the fact that this is probably the happiest we’ve seen you since your sister made you move out all because what’s-his-name told her to,” Laura adds.

I sigh, sinking into my chair for the second time today. “I know you guys are just trying to be nice. And, you’re right; I have been. He just makes me feel all kinds of weird inside. It’s like I can’t control anything when I’m around him, but that doesn’t mean I need your help with him.”

Laura scoffs and Chelsea rolls her eyes at my obvious lie. “Okay. Fine, I do. But don’t do it so obviously next time!”

My personal matchmakers lower themselves back down and I spin back to my computer. Just another hour to go…

                                                   🔹🔹🔹🔹

Lunch seemed to fly by quickly. As we waited on our food, conversations were had about simple, silly things like our favorite color, or how we drink our coffee. Others were about how work had been going and what movies we’d watched recently.

“Okay...” he pondered as he took a sip of his sweet tea, “What’s your favorite scary movie?” Shocked by the question, I couldn’t come up with an answer, so I gave him the most definite one that I could. Kind of. 

“Probably anything but the Chuckie movies,” I laughed.

The moment that sentence left my mouth, he immediately corrected me. “It’s Child’s Play, you know?”

“What?”

“The movies.”

“Whatever it’s called, it scarred me for life, and I want absolutely nothing to do with it.” I crossed my arms and shuddered at the thought of even possibly watching it again. I knew it was a terrible movie, but that didn’t change anything.

The stroll back was uneventful, but peaceful. And, now, as we wait out the last couple minutes before we had to return to our respective desks, Owen and I have found ourselves walking slowly back to mine, trying to make our time together stretch as long as possible. 

Suddenly, Owen grabs my arm gently, pulling me to a stop just a few feet short of my destination, and leans in. My breaths shorten and my body goes frigid as he does so.

His lips brush against my ear as he says softly, “Please don’t think I’m weird for doing this, but Laura and Chelsea have been eavesdropping since we were within listening distance. Anyway, I was wondering if you’d maybe like to go out to dinner tonight? Or this weekend? Or just, at any point in time that would conveniently work for you?”

I let out a chuckle---no, a giggle---at his awkwardness, but then I’m immediately hit by butterflies flooding my stomach as I take in his words. Once I finally come to my senses, my head is frantically bobbing up in down in complete and utter agreement. 

After we shared out little… Moment, I make my way to my desk. At this point, I’m not even trying to hide the giant grin on my face. Or my blushing cheeks. Or the fact that my heart is thudding in my chest with pure excitement and joy.

Chelsea and Laura don’t bother pretending that they didn’t see what just happened, and they were sure to let me know about that. 

“Did you see the way he was looking at you?” Laura gushes, “And that smile?! What’d he say?”

“What are you even talking about? It was nothing,” I roll my eyes at the rambunctious, gossip-hungry pair, but tell them anyway. “He just asked if I wanted to go out for dinner sometime.”

“Nothing?” Chelsea practically yells, “Are you kidding? There’s no way he doesn’t like you!”

I roll my eyes yet again, knowing not to get my hopes up, but I can’t help but wonder. I’d like to believe I’m not completely clueless; it’s obvious he just asked me on a date, but will it actually go anywhere? 

The days that followed were spent trying to coordinate Owen and I’s schedules on the way to work, and deciding where we could go. We also found ourselves around each other outside of work more than usual as we waited for the day to come.

One more week… That’s all I’ve gotta do; make it one more week and I’ll know for sure if this will work out.

[flashfictionforpittance]

I came home

to a house without any windows. I slammed my car door shut and dashed across the road, a Jeep squealing to a halt as I passed in front of it, wove through the string of parked cars on the sidewalk, and pierced the front garden with my office heels. I fell onto my ankle, then stepped out of one shoe, then the other, then onto the scalding concrete of our front porch, that’d been cooking all day in yet another record breaking summer. 

They’d all been smashed through. I hesitated with my hand hovering over the door handle, eyeing the splintery flesh of the doorway, where the old wood had broken off as the door had been kicked in. Your grandfather spent one of his last weekends alive painting it with your dad, as well as doing a few other odd jobs, occasionally heaving you out of your walker so he could bounce you on his knee. You weren’t a fan of his awkwardness or his bony knees, but he still tried, smiling and making faces. 

I thought about ringing the doorbell. I thought it might scare someone off. Or wake someone up. I wanted to warn the house I was coming in, so it’d know to expect me. Like it’d relent. But I didn’t ring the bell. I pressed on the door so gently, just grazing on it, like I was checking if it was hot. It drifted open by an inch, then back, knocking on my hand as it returned to its old position. I curled my fingers around the doorknob, and walked into the foyer. 

You used to call it the reception area. To annoy me. But it annoyed your grandmother more. Right up until she died, she never had a kind word for anyone, not me, not you, not your father. So I could live with that. She hated “reception area” because it reminded her of the Home. She’d been dumped there, among the common people, the poor people, the sick. It was poetic justice if nothing else; marry rich, die poor. I wish I’d been better, though. I wish I wasn’t petty. I should have been better, if not for her, then for you. 

There was no blood. I don’t know what I’d have done if there was. The sunlight poked its fingers through the hole in the windows on the stairs and they danced off the shards all around my feet. I went right, into the kitchen. I did little laps around the breakfast bar in the middle of the room, looking up at all the cupboards with all their chrome handles broken off, hanging open with our non-perishables falling out like spilled-open suitcases, packed in a rush. Cheerios, pasta, cookies, they were crushed under my feet, mashed into my pantyhose like mud. 

The phone rang. Even now, its every ring trembled in my bones, plucked at my nerve endings and paralysed them like I’d touched a live wire. Then it stopped. My stomach churned as I picked the receiver up gingerly, and flung it off the base. It was an off-white. Your father was right, it hadn’t aged well. As it flew over the edge of the breakfast bar, bungee’d by its cord, hit the floor then sprung back up to hip height, I saw the grubby fingermarks we’d all been leaving, the scuff marks. And a curl of blood around the handle. It was an old rotary, another poor choice. Nowhere else, but on the handle of the receiver. 

I used to have this exact nightmare. Every night since you started working with your uncle, every night since he told me what was really in those boxes that you all packed and moved so diligently, with such purpose. If you’d known that I used to think they were all just really passionate about their work, you’d have laughed at me. I tried to find you other work, but you refused. You used to come home bouncing, shining from the inside out. You’d hug and kiss me hello and tell me not to worry. You were the middle-people. No risk. Plausible deniability. 

The backyard seemed to beckon me through the screen door, and I turned my back to it. I never liked that swing set after your cousin Sandra split her skull from falling off it. Showing off to you, as she always did. She’s a lawyer now. We all made up excuses not to go to her wedding, except you. You didn’t want her to feel alone. I walked out of the kitchen, and stood in the foyer, eyeing up the door to the living room. Only now did I notice the fingerprints on the door, little crimson buttons fanned out like a waving hand.

I’ve been standing here a while. Wondering if I should wave back. Each time my hand twitches to do so, I stop it. I feel like it’ll be the start of something. 

What about me, Abby? 

How are you going to keep me from feeling alone? 

I push the living room door open with my toes, and am welcomed with it; the very root of every bad dream, every fit of anxiety. Every rushed heartbeat from the day they cut you out of me. You’re lying on the couch with your eyes open, staring at the ceiling with a gun in your hand. There’s an open hole in the middle of your chest that blooms out like a dahlia zorro, its petals rising and falling in the folds of that once-white shirt you’re wearing, now scarlet. 

There’s a dead man on the floor, on the other side of the coffee table, with a small hole between his eyes, a spray of crimson over the armchair behind him, like a cloud of bloody exhaust. I can’t make out an expression on him; to me, he’s just the same pale leather as the seat behind him. All around us, the photos are smashed, the vases shattered, the wood splintered and broken. And then there you are. My eyes come back to you, and I wonder at how intact you are. 

The longer I look, the more I can feel my heart, that pulsing red muscle that’s been beating for you alone since you came into this world, pulling itself apart. The blood seeps out of it and dries up, the muscle turns to stone, each beat grates against my insides, scrapes away my bones, my muscles, grinding me slowly into dust. I’m caving in. 

Because my heart has been dead for over an hour.  

[hollywoodx4]

Sticking with the Schuylers (6)

In this part, drunken games, threats from sisters, and lots of little flirting happen.

1  2  3  4  5

“…It’s a pleasure to meet you, Alexander.”

               Angelica stares between the two as Alex holds her sister’s hand in his and his lips are upturned, so slightly to resemble the bit of nerves she can feel radiating from his tensed posture. But in his eyes she can see a bit of a glimmer; hope? Excitement? Either way she lets her gaze then wander to her sister.

               Elizabeth’s grin lifts her cheeks and reaches her eyes in a more obvious manner; it paints her face a flushed dusty rose and her eyes two shades brighter. Angelica finds it infectious, a small smile reaching her own features as she looks over the scene in front of her. Although the contact-the way her talkative, over-caffeinated, brilliant friend looks on at her middle sister-also starts her heartbeat a bit quicker than usual.

               She’s not jealous-god no, although she has found his turn of phrase and their conversation the most refreshing she’s had in a while. Her feelings still run deep for her own boyfriend, whom she’s been seeing for two years now. And although John Church could never quite seem to match Alexander’s quick wit, he could never match the love John’s given her. Besides, her sister is completely enamored. That much can be said by the lack of conversation and the stumbling she does over her own words. Trusting. So trusting. And although Angelica knows Alex-has an idea of his heart and his goodness-of-character-she still feels her own body tensing involuntarily.

               She’s not jealous, she’s defensive-and immediately so. It’s like the touch of Alexander’s hand on Eliza’s burns through her mind, sending her back into the childhood days of cleaning her scrapes on the playground; of defending her against the bullies that’d told her, time and time again, that being adopted meant something other than being loved. It brought her back to wide, wet eyes brimming with tears that stabbed Angelica’s own heart as Elizabeth cried over her first heartbreak. It brought her back to the people that had used her little sister; who’d claimed her as their own and made her believe it. To those who’d brought her out, in very public places, and stopped to tell the paparazzi about their latest business venture.

               There were memories very clear and real to Angelica that she didn’t want her sister to relive. And so, when Hercules had stolen her away to compliment her baking Angelica grabbed hold of Alexander’s arm and pulled-quite forcibly-until they were in the privacy of John’s bedroom doorway.

               “What are you,”

               “-I swear to you, Alexander Hamilton,” her voice is low both in volume and tone, eyes narrowed and hand still gripping his arm. He stands shock still, mouth drawn to a serious line as his other hand reaches for the cube in his pocket, flipping the silent switch back and forth. “I swear to you if you so much as breathe the wrong way I will end you.”

               He swallows back the lump in his throat before bringing a hand to the back of his neck, shaking his head.

               “Angelica, I just met her. I don’t know how you could get so much out of one interaction. I mean she’s beautiful, and smart, and kind, but I-I don’t know her yet.”

               “You’re right, you don’t.” She spits back at him, crossing her arms. He begins to look a bit taken aback, eyes wandering as his mouth opens, then closes again, unsure of what to say in response. Angelica sighs, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have overreacted. I just…there’s a lot that has happened to Eliza that can’t just be erased from my memory.”

               “I get that. You’re her older sister, you’re protecting her. I respect that.”

               “Just…don’t fuck everything up, okay?”

               Alexander lets out a nervous chuckle, restrained as he nods his head slightly. Angelica pats his shoulder, giving him the slightest turn of her lips before heading back to the living room. He doesn’t follow her at first, remaining in the doorway as he lets her words wash over him completely. Had he been that obvious? Just from an introduction? He closes his eyes and lets his body lean against the wall for a minute. One…two…three...four…five…six…seven…eight…nine…Until his breathing has returned to normal once more.

               The party is in full swing when Alexander comes back; Angelica and Lafayette have taken to the kitchen with a drink recipe John had sent them from Pinterest with a very convincing request to try it. He’s settled on the larger couch next to Eliza while Hercules and Peggy sit on the floor in front of them. Herc’s face is contorted in frustration as the youngest Schuyler whoops in victory, mashing the buttons on her controller faster than he’d seen. He laughs to himself as Herc throws down his controller in defeat, finally glancing up to note Alexander’s return to the room.

               “Hey, do me a favor and break her winning streak? I can’t take it anymore. I’m not sure if it’s because she’s sober or I’m just really this bad, so I need a control.”

               “A control? Am I really that bad at Smash that you’d use me in your experiment?”

               “Yes, yes you are.” The girls laugh as John gestures for him to come over, taking the controller from Herc’s hand and holding it out for him. The only open seat in good range of the TV is next to Eliza so he takes it, careful not to invade her space, and grabs the controller from John’s hand. He nods at her, tilting his head.

               “I promise you, I am that bad at Smash. Just wait, I’m just here for comedic relief.” The slight laughter she lets out in response is light and airy, just enough to make him stop in his tracks once more. But John is there to deflect him, starting another conversation so that Alex can focus on the task at hand.

               It turns out that nobody can beat Peggy at this game. Not Alexander, whose controller is laughed straight out of his hand. Not Angelica, who chooses her character strategically and fights sitting cross-legged on the floor, shooting her sister dirty looks whenever Peggy chooses to trash talk her. Not even Lafayette, who is the room’s reigning champion. It takes a while for her to beat him but when she does she throws her hands in the air in victory, looking around the room with glimmering, teasing eyes.

               “Oh, looks like I already beat everyone in this room. Too bad, that was fun.”

               “But the fun is far from over, Margarita. I’m choosing our next game, which means”

               “-Shots!” The guys chorus along with Lafayette, who’s already begun passing the red cups around. When he passes Peggy over she pouts, and Elizabeth chooses to ignore the wink he throws to her little sister before finishing his task. He then settles down next to her, tipping the cup to his lips to drink before gazing around the room. And when he thinks she’s not looking he passes his cup to her little sister, who then takes a gulp before handing it back to him.

               They share a smile and Eliza looks away, staring down into her own cup when a hand finds its way to her shoulder.

               “Hey,” Alexander’s voice is soft from his place next to her, and when she looks up his eyes-look at those eyes-are laced with concern. “I can talk to him, I-I told him she was eighteen, Angelica warned me, and,”

               “It’s alright,” Her smile is slight and a bit restrained as her eyes wander back to her little sister. Just for a moment-she fears she’ll be watching her-before turning back to him. There’s a pause; she knows what she wants to say but it won’t quite reach the tip of her tongue. But here-in this living room full of people, even-she feels like she can share everything. She wants to share everything. But she’s soon pulled out of that trance by Angelica’s voice, laughing as she pulls another shot, and so she just nods. “Lafayette seems like a good guy-you all do, really. It’s alright. As long as Angelica doesn’t find out, she can keep that shot.”

               “Okay, good. He’s good, I mean. He is. He comes off differently than he is, a litte…”

               “Full of it?”

               “You could say that.” They share a laugh, another look, and this time it’s Alexander who’s resorted to keeping his eyes on his drink. Then he’s handed a controller, and she is too, and they’re instructed on the rules of the game.

               “Alright, it’s our favorite time of the night. Our roster has me in first place right now,” John smirks as his roommates boo, tossing chips in his direction. He swats them away before continuing, gesturing to the waiting audience that has now sprawled themselves over the two couches and floor. “So as the rules go I’ve chosen our first race. So Herc, Angelica, Eliza, and Ham….have fun, and don’t lose.”

               “Oh, so this is,”

               “Drunken Mario Kart? Oh yeah. Hope you’re ready to lose.”

               Alex smirks at Eliza and she returns the face, narrowing playful eyes as she turns back to the TV, preparing to start the game.

               “You can start trash talking me when your name isn’t on the bottom of your little scoreboard, Alexander. Have fun eating my dust.”

               By the end of the tournament the scoreboard has been revamped to add the Schuyler Sister’s names. Angelica is  the one to win it all, and when her little blue kart pulls through the finish line she and her sisters whoop in victory, getting up to dance as Angelica waves her controller in the air. The boys pout; namely Lafayette, who had been in a very close second. But the oldest Schuyler had been playing a dirty game the entire time, throwing shells with a sniper’s accuracy and showing no mercy to anyone who dared come near her path.

               So she celebrates by writing her name on their scoreboard-curly writing and a bold pink now the first thing the eye is drawn to. Then her phone is ringing, their driver on the other line, and she’s throwing apologies out as she attempts to corral her sisters.

               Peggy’s easier-all it takes is a glance and the youngest is hugging everyone goodbye, raving about the good time as they make their way from person to person, crossing over to the kitchen. There, Eliza has taken most of the dishes to the sink and started the tap, washing plates and cups and whatever else had come across her path. Alex leans against the sink beside her, towel in hand and in the middle of a story he’s practically whispering. But his eyes are widened in excitement, Eliza’s mirroring his, and it’s tasking to watch the way that the middle Schuyler sister flips her attention from the sink quickly back to him.

               Angelica pauses at the entry of the little kitchenette, watching. Rather, wanting to watch, because as soon as Peggy strides in behind her she’s at the sink as well, wrapping one arm around Eliza and the other Alex.

               “Come on, CinderLiza. Our car awaits.” And although Eliza knows her little sister is feeling a little buzzed from Lafayette’s generosity, she knows that she’d probably be teased for this either way. So when Alex follows them to the door, and gives her a parting hug that warms her entire body...when she looks back to catch him watching them walk away, and waves at him over her shoulder with a cheeky smile…she lets the teasing happen. Because she can’t feel anything else when she can still imagine Alexander’s eyes are on her.

[anneedmonds]

Life Update: Christmas Is Not A Holiday

Happy New Year everyone! I wasn’t supposed to be back at work until at least the 7th January (preferably the 14th) but then I remembered that my life update goes out on the third of every month and my superstitious nature won’t let me bend the rules and postpone it.

So here I am, popping back, most likely for a rant about Christmas hospitality and the pointlessness of turkey but also to tell you how many times my children have sneezed and/or coughed directly into my mouth since we last spoke on the 23rd December.

Seven times.

I have also been ridden like a horse whilst trying to scrub stains from the living room carpet, had my eyes poked when I’ve least expected it in a new game that seems to be called “EYES! MOUTH! MAMA!” and accidentally stuck my hand into a nappy filled with yellow poo.

Why do we ever think that Christmas is going to be a holiday? A break? Christmas is not a holiday.

Yes it’s different, because it’s noisy and pine-scented and we have visitors and it’s all jolly and festive and we get to spend unadulterated, unbroken time with our families or children; but at the same time it’s actually harder work than being at proper work. It’s noisy, it’s pine-scented, there are visitors, constant streams of them, and we have to spend unadulterated, unbroken time with our families or children. Hohoho.

I’m bloody knackered, I tell you. I’m knackered and I just want to go to the toilet on my own for more than eighteen seconds. Some things just can’t be achieved in eighteen seconds and it starts to play havoc with your insides. Especially if your insides are formed of 76% hard cheese and 24% Lindt. And that’s another thing; it’ll take me virtually until next Christmas to be able to wear any of my normal clothes – I’m currently housed in a maternity kimono because I can’t pull on my trousers past my knees and all of my jumpers and tops suddenly look (very unfashionably) cropped. I’ve been hovering over the “buy” button on Me+Em because they have loads of slouchy tracksuit bottoms in the sale but really I should just stop eating chocolate truffles for lunch (eleven truffles = substantial energy boost) and then I could just wear the stuff I already own. Which would make more sense.

The thing is (whispers): I don’t even really like Christmas food. A bit of turkey with some cranberry sauce and gravy all floating within the world’s biggest Yorkshire pudding and that would do me. And before you all gasp in horror that I would dare to have Yorkshire pudding on Christmas day and not strictly with beef then let me remind you that a Yorkshire pudding is pretty much the only element of a roast dinner that’s worth eating. Everything else is just boring old fare you could have at any time – carrots? Oh, woo-hoo. Brussel sprouts? Don’t even get me started on them. They’re a form of punishment and not a vegetable.

Red cabbage is just a fancy, more prettily-coloured way to dole out cigar-flavoured slop and I can’t honestly see the point in slaving away over roast potatoes, spooning goose fat over them every six-point-two-five minutes precisely (Mr AMR) and then triple-roasting them in a colander with a blow-torch and a fire extinguisher or whatever it is that goes on. I’d rather have mash. In fact, next year that’s what I’m going to have. Chicken and mash. The chicken will be juicier than the turkey, the mash will require less effort than the roasted potatoes (although Mr AMR will actually divorce me) and we can have some garden peas on the side. Job done.

Less washing up, at any rate. None of the trays and dishes and gravy jugs and other bits and pieces that you don’t use at all for the other 364 days of the year ever fit into the dishwasher, which means that you actually have to use the sink, and the trays and dishes and gravy jugs just keep on coming. The grease! The burnt-on bits of stuff! It’s enough to make you want to have a long lie down…

I have to say though; Angelica and Ted have been an absolute joy. Even at the meltdown times when we’ve all had cabin fever and got a bit shouty, they’ve been great value for money. Angelica understood what Christmas was this year – including the part about Baby Cheeses, which I think must be Baby Jesus, which is something they must have discussed at nursery at great length because she knows all about a thief in the market being a bad man and Baby Cheeses being a good man.

Any man called Baby Cheeses is going to be a good man, to be fair; you’re not going to be a villain with a name like that.

“Bow down before me, mortals!”

“Oh God, Simon, it’s that dark overlord the angels warned us about! The one who’ll lead us into temptation and basically get us all killed!”

“Bow down before me and prepare to meet thy destiny, wretched, putrid people of the earth!”

“Oh Simon, what are we to do? He’s hideous! His face is a mass of worms and his arms are made of snakes!”

“Rub your faces into the soil, mortals, and brace yourselves for an eternity of pain and suffering, for I am Baby Cheeses!”

It just wouldn’t work.

Other malapropisms from Angelica:

“Mummy, please warm up my pyjamas on the alligator.” / “Mummy I’ve dropped my colouring book down the back of the alligator!” And my favourite of the moment, “colesnore” instead of “coleslaw”.

Ted (a month shy of being two years old) is making a hell of a lot of racket but there are no new properly-formed words yet – we have Dada, Mama, Gaga (Angelica), Bear (Mr Bear), Woof Woof (Dexter) and Vroom (car), but everything else is still a bit of an aural blur. Weirdly, Angelica seems to know exactly what he’s saying at all times and so acts as a translator, even though she’s learnt to bend her translations to suit her own needs.

“What’s he saying, Angelica?”

“Ted says he wants to share a gingerbread man with me Mummy!”

Life with two small children seems to sometimes be a relentless carousel of providing snacks, mopping up spilt drinks, shouting “I said DON’T CLIMB ON THAT!” and picking Paw Patrol stickers from the woodwork. When some friends visited just before Christmas with their own children, I realised that the adults were all dancing around the children’s dinner table like medieval servers or jesters. Passing cups, wiping spills, fetching more meat or distracting one of them so that the other could retrieve their fork or spoon without starting a small diplomatic catastrophe. Even the dog slunk around under the table catching bits of fallen bacon fat or potato, looking like a baron’s hound returned from a hunt.

But I have to say that as I saw in the New Year (entirely sober, on the sofa, eating a Mint Magnum) I realised that there isn’t a single thing I want more than this – I have absolutely everything I need within the four walls of my house. Of course, to stay sane and for personal fulfilment there are scores of work goals and other bits and pieces I’d like to manage (and obviously we need money to keep the four walls around us from crumbling down and to eat) but on a fundamental, “meaning of life” sort of level, I had a kind of epiphany. The children were sleeping upstairs, Mr AMR was flicking between Netflix, Amazon Prime and Now TV in the annoying way that makes me want to smash him over the top of the head with a griddle pan and the dog and cat were lying in front of the fire, and I just had an overwhelming sensation of calm. This is it, I thought. This is what I’ve been waiting for.

Anyway, then I got a text from Google saying that someone from Milton Keynes had attempted to access my Youtube account and then I suddenly realised I’d left the damp washing in the washing machine for six whole days so that killed the mood somewhat, but for a few seconds, everything was completely right with the world. My stars had aligned, or whatever the phrase is. Hopefully my Dad was up there with the stars, aligning them, probably really moodily, shouting at them in his broad Scottish accent (“Get tae f*ck ye stupid stars with ye stupid bright blindin’ lights!”) and I would have preferred for him to have been somewhat closer, but you can’t have everything you wish for. No matter how hard you wish for it.

Right, that’s me until next week. This was just a brief pop-in because a) I can’t ever be late with a Life Update  post and b) I didn’t want you all to forget me. Our nanny started back today (I’ve actually increased the days from two to three days a week for a few months because I have a huge project I’m finishing off) and so I’m going to do really relaxing things like tidy and sort out the airing cupboard and find the missing statements that my accountant needs. I’m actually missing Ted and Angelica, even though I can hear them in the distance, bashing the ride-on plastic car into the kitchen cabinets and slamming the doors – isn’t it funny how you can feel so overwhelmed one minute, desperate for just the shortest of breaks, and then so needy and guilty the next?

Tell me about your Christmas “breaks” and “holidays”: has anyone actually managed to relax? Because I’m beginning to remember Christmas life pre-kids and that wasn’t any less hectic either: as the most portable, flexible adults, we were required to do what was known as the Festive Tour, which meant driving around the UK like lunatics stopping off at various friends’ and relatives’ houses to sleep on camp beds and sofa pull-outs. And loads and loads of sustained, low-level alcohol consumption, rather like at a wedding, so that we were never fully pissed but just always kind of groggy and blurry and tired. I used to get to January 2nd and feel as though I needed to take a bath in Berocca and now I feel the same but for very different reasons! Tell me all: I await your anecdotal material with a level of enthusiasm that’s not quite proper.

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[zivankira]

First impressions + Recent obsession: Serencia Saga

**NOTE: This game is only available on the Japanese iOS/GooglePlay store, as far as I know**

So, I’ve always been quite a fan of Dragon Nest (until the devs/publisher kinda screwed it over... but that is a subjective discussion that will not happen for now).

The combat was kinda hybrid-ish to say.... Your typical 1-through-0 button spamming MMOs (with optimal rotations blah blah), Monster Hunter and Vindictus.

Why?

DN has a ton of skills for each and every character. There are a couple of main classes (Archer, Warrior, Cleric, Sorceress, Academic...) and each has 2 branching classes. Each branching class has 2 more branches. This diversity and variety is indeed amazing. **Up until the point where people min-max everything and people only play the top-tier classes, thereby defeating the purpose of diversity** In short, you level up. Learn skills. Fill up the skill-hotbar. And bam. Go to Nests (their equivalent of raids) with a party and let the mashing begin!

Of course, here’s where the MH/Vindictus-like mechanics come in. Each boss has their own behaviours and mechanics which are unique to them. You have to learn them through trial and error (or by watching youtube videos).

DN is kinda accessible to newcomers of its hybrid genre due to the “warning” system it gives; the flashing red area indicating the boss’s area of attack. (Yep. That’s right. WildStar/Tera or whatever else MMO out there aren’t the only ones with this feature yo. However, this warning though... At times, it makes me wonder, at the higher levels, do the devs intentionally make the boss’s AoE attacks so huge because “Hey, we did give the warning”? I mean like. Yea, warning, sure. BUT HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO GET OUT OF THAT MAP-SIZED AOE ATTACK?

-ahem-

Moving back to the main topic, Serencia Saga (Seresaga for short), is basically Eyedentity’s attempt at entering the mobile gaming industry. (Just like NCSoft with Lineage 2 Revolution). It is Dragon Nest remade for mobile. It features a pretty decent story line (so far where I’ve played until) and the controls are pretty okay-ish.

What is the most unique about Seresaga is how you use skills. They aren’t like your typical mobile games where the skills are mapped around your big “ATTACK” button (which no one ever uses once you get 999999 skills). You can only access your skills through a series of normal/special attacks. Very much like how Vindictus did it with the Light attacks into Heavy attacks. (3x Light attacks + 1 Heavy is different from a 4x Light attacks + 1 Heavy)

Using special attacks require stamina, similar to how MH does it. The player has to balance using stamina for offence and for dodging (defence). Speaking of dodging. I am so tilted. There is an auto lock on function in the game (which I have yet to find out how to disable). When you lock on, your movements change.

Firstly, you lose the ability to sprint and you your movements become referenced from the target. Think of the lock on function it as tying a string to a pole (which is the boss). When lock on is OFF, you can face the boss and still dodge left/right with no restrictions. When lock on is ON, you will be bounded by the string connecting you to the pole. Dodging left/right will swing you around the path of a circle around the pole. This makes dodging a hell lot harder than it should be. When I try to dodge back+left, I end up dodging front+left, getting trapped in the boss’s leg and getting smashed like an idiot. =.=|||

The only solution? You have to turn off the lock on and then dodge. How do you turn off the lock on? This was not clearly taught by the game. I had to figure this out by myself; you have to tap anywhere on the screen that is not a button or enemy/boss. Like. Whut? I already have both my thumbs busy, one on the directional controls, the other on the action buttons. And I have to specifically tap on an empty place (which is harder to find than expected, considering how big the bosses fill up the screen) just to turn off the lock on? ZzZzZz.

Not to mention that the camera can get kinda dumb at times. It automatically spins around to face the direction you are running in, when lock on is off. Which can get rather disorienting. During lock on, you face the target... Until you break the “string” (from the analogy above), due to distance. Then, the camera just immediately spins to face the direction you are in. For example, you are backing away from the boss and cross the maximum distance for locking on. Your character turns turns his back to the boss, facing you. Suddenly, your camera spins around to see the character’s back. Like HEY. I still wanna keep my eyes on the boss!?!?!!?!!

This is especially annoying when the bosses have HUUUUUUGE AoE attacks. Larger than the lock on distance. I would have to manually spin the camera back when I’m at a safe distance in order to find a good timing to go back into the fray. (You move the camera by swiping left/right on an empty spot on the screen)

I have yet to even discuss about the design of the bosses... Some are just... WHAAAAAT. But this post is already mighty long. So let me just wrap this up.

Overall, I am still enjoying this game a huge bunch. While there are a good amount of technical features that I question, the game is still very much playable (outside of the Nest raids). I am liking the combat so far, with the (currently) unique skill activation feature. But the lock on + dodging... Just no. This game is also very typical of Japanese mobile games. There’s Gacha involved (haha, why am I not surprised) and timed/daily dungeons which provide you with special items/gems for upgrading your equipment. As such... Freemium players should be prepared to spend a LOT of time farming to get good gear that are sub-par to the epic gears that Pay2Win characters are more likely to get. (It’s not that freemium players cannot get them. But the chances are well, more or less proportional to the money spent.)

So, I highly recommend that you give this game a spin. It is one of the first of its kind (before other gaming companies start copying its style of play). If you do enjoy it and would like to play on, do hit me up! We could go Nest raids together :)

~zivankira-