#I JUST THINK IT LOSES SOMETHING IF YOU DON'T ACKNOWLEDGE THEY WERE THE WORLD'S WORST MURDER DUO

[wellofdean]

Sorry ,for me personally, it has to be out loud acknowledge to even remotely make up for how badly they treated fans over the years, the out loud queerbaiting in one breath and mocking in the next. The in text gay jokes, sexism and homophobia. The digs at their own fans.

They want the credit without having to do it. Again. They want the pat on the back they need to earn it this time.

Years of baiting for views and profit needs a payoff imo. Sorry people downplaying how important the canonization of this ship in particular is just hurts to see over and over. Stop letting them off the hook please. You deserve more. We all do.

It’s important. It does matter.

The cas/destiel hope baiting continued with the Winchesters and that’s why I’m at a put up or shut up moment with Jensen and the writers. He and Danneel kept the hype up every week that the show was airing all the while knowing cas doesn’t even get a name drop. He’s not even hinted at. Mary/john paralleled destiel so many times yet refused to call it want it was.

They could have shut it down week one, they interacted on tweeter a lot during airing and knew what fans thought there was going to be an acknowledgment or hint that never happened. They are smart people, they saw the speculation and hype but didn’t step in with a gentle ‘sorry guys this is about the new crew’ they fanned the hope instead with ‘something big happens’ that was just dean meeting the new team.

Loved the Winchesters as a show, sad it got dropped cause I loved the new cast so much. That said the baiting hurt and wasn’t necessary, the show was good.

Everyone is looking back with rose colored glasses and rewriting history. But things were ugly with the spn team/cast/writers at times. The homophobia was pretty out loud in a way it was allowed to be in the early 00s. They’ve grown and that’s wonderful but it still happened.

They need to earn the praise they want imo. No hate! Glad you are happy! just feels a little unfair to say we should all let them off the hook again and be happy with nothing while praising the benevolent straights. Just my two cents 😅💚💙

I want to answer this sympathetically, because I know it's disappointing that no one has been willing to just say "Dean and Cas are gay for each other" out loud, and I don't think there are many people in this fandom who picked up what the narrative was putting down, and were not disappointed in the finale for LOADS of reasons, only one of them being that Dean never had the chance to acknowledge what Cas said to him. I understand your feelings, my anonymous friend, I really do. I too found the end of Supernatural deeply frustrating, because they managed to erase the meaningful journeys of every single character, not just Dean, though what they did with Dean was the worst. I completely understand wanting them to JUST FUCKING SAY IT. I do. I get you. I simply do not agree.

My argument, which I have made many, many times, is that what you want is THERE in the narrative. They made Cas Dean's ride or die, they made it obvious that Dean can't carry on without Cas -- that the loss of Cas means Dean loses his will to live. That was explicit. They made it clear that more than anyone else, EVEN Sam, Cas is essential to him. They structured the narrative around Dean and Cas's emotional beats. They let Cas say the obvious thing out loud, and then showed us Dean behaving exactly as Dean would in a situation like that -- in the midst of his existential crisis about who he is and whether he has ever had free will, and with the world falling around them -- they showed us Dean unable to speak, unable to respond but overwhelmed with emotion. Like, remember that when Mary died when Dean was four, he was unable to speak? Is it really so hard to imagine that he loves Cas with all his heart? To read love in Dean's watery eyes, and the way he chokes down his heart and begs Cas not to do this? Not to being saying goodbye? I mean... I CAN DO THAT MATH. Literally everything about the story supports it. IT IS THERE.

Fandom always argues: if Cas were a woman, we wouldn't have any questions, so what I am just wondering is, why do we have questions again? Is it because we (homophobically) can't just see it for what it is because it's gay? Because, when it's gay we lose our ability to interpret narrative, and we need to be told, like we are 5 years old, what's happening in a perfectly obvious story? Or, is it a skill issue? Is it because we need the creators of the story to affirm our interpretation? We need the actors to just TELL US what they meant when they did that thing with their faces? Do we need their permission to understand it for what it is?

I've said many times that calling what happened on Supernatural 'queerbaiting' because no one ever made out or fucked on the maps table is really offensive to me actually. Don't you know that there are queer people in this world who never get to live their truths? Who just ache and yearn and want, and never get to have? Like, that there are in fact queer people who are afraid to say what they feel, or who don't understand or embrace who they really are and what they really need until it's too late? Are those not QUEER EXPERIENCES? I love Dean and I love that story because it's queer as hell and it makes ME feel seen, because I am like him! I am a queer person of his age who didn't ask myself those questions seriously enough in time! My own queerness is very fucking real, and it is UNLIVED. That HAPPENS to actual queer humans, and like, it's not queerbaiting when it's just queer, but didn't tell you the queer story YOU wanted it to tell. You saw years of tease? I saw years of choices, and love, and accretion of deep wells of emotion. I saw a clear romance, and a character becoming. It was a story I needed, AS A QUEER PERSON.

And the Winchesters was just joyful if you went in with that understanding of the previous story. It was like getting an A+ in Supernatural week after week from Dean himself. I can accept that the stars didn't align for Cas/Misha to come back in the first season, accept that if he were coming back, it needed to be more than a cameo to make it right, and that it didn't work out. I am so sad it was cancelled, but I can accept that it was leading someplace it didn't get to go. That's not queerbaiting, either! It's telling a story that was aborted, and I think if you don't see that, then that is DEFINITELY a skill issue.

I'm not looking back with rose coloured glasses; Supernatural is fresh in my mind. I watched it again without the internal pressure of expectations that aren't going to be met, and let it tell me what it was really doing all along. I am happy. It's a really compelling, deeply romantic, deeply queer story. I don't need permission from anyone involved to think that, and I don't need it explained to me. I understand wanting it to just be fully explicit, but I would not trade the story it did tell for a simpler, less engaging one, that asked less of me. I love it very much AS IT IS.

And, please: point me to this fabled abuse of fans. I have never really seen an example of it that is not easily debunked with a little bit of context.

[d-is-humming]

Lullaby and an elephant in the room

Bucky Barnes x Reader (platonic)

Summary: James Barnes has nightmares; his neighbor has insomnia. Maybe with a lullaby, things can get better.

Warnings: (I would say none, but to be sure) nightmares, insomnia.

Hello dear, apparently I'm trying again to write in english. There will probably be mistakes and some repetition, I'm sorry. This came out more as a scenario than a real story, but I needed to take this idea out of my head and here it is. Also, I don't really know why the metaphor of the elephant took so much space. The song quoted is Come wander with me by Agua de Annique e Anneke van Giersbergen, I heard it on Spotify and it stuck in my head. Enjoy (I hope). D.

•°*”˜¯`´¯˜”*°*”˜¯`´¯˜”*°*”˜¯`´¯˜”*°•

One last scream.

And then silence, mixed with frantic breathing. His torture has ended, for tonight. He will probably wait for daytime watching the empty walls of his room or swallowing whatever is on tv, everything just to not fall asleep again.

On the other side of the wall, you take a long breath, but it’s not relief. Sitting against the headboard of your bed, knees to your chest and your head on them, you want to relax, to let your anxiety dissolve, but the last half an hour of someone else’s nightmares has left you with a deep uneasiness. You think to yourself, the worst part it’s not being awaken in the middle of the night by the screams, even when you’ve just closed your eyes after hours of your own insomnia. You surrender to another sleepless night, watching your still empty room walls or anything is on tv.

In the morning, when you and Sargent Barnes cross paths outside your adjacent rooms, you politely greet each other with a nod of the head, ignoring the elephant in the room, not wanting to embarrass each other. You have no right to meddle; he has no intention of acknowledging with a co-worker, a stranger, his own problems.

And again, another night, another day, another nod of the head, another week and another again.

It's been almost a month and the lack of proper rest it’s getting you. You already had a bad sleeping habit before moving to your room at the compound, but at least you didn’t have to cope with the infectious anxiety of a traumatized neighbor. You’re not blaming him, you would never. But it became a problem.

Because the worst part of it's not being awaken in the middle of the night; it's not even the screams themselves. It’s that they’re incessant, continuous, lasting minutes, hours, sometimes more. Entire sessions of skin-crawling screams and dreadful cries, with intervals of dire silence, when you’re not sure if the man next door is finally resting or if he’s in one of those dreams where your mouth just can’t produce sounds and you feel like drowning.

In the dark room, you press your hands a little harder on your hears. You already tried with tv or music, or just earplugs, but somehow knowing the screams were just hidden made them worse. Made you feel guilty – for listening to something so intimate without permission and because you can’t do anything for the man.

Still covering your ears, you quietly start humming the first song that comes to your mind, more to soothe your nerves than to cover his cries.

He said / Come wander with me, love / Come wander with me / Away from this sad world / Come wander with me

It’s really not much, but enough to distract you, so you keep singing, softly, ending the song and repeating it again. You manage to lose yourself in the melody, to loosen your tense body in the hypnotic repetition, letting your voice grow a bit firmer, a little less affected by the nightmare next door. After a while silence comes from the other room. You sing some more, slowly turning to humming and finally falling asleep.

Next door, Sargent Barnes has just awakened and while he tries to remember how to breathe, he listens to your voice and, somehow, tonight it seems a tiny bit easier finding his foot on this world again.

In the morning, when you and James Barnes cross paths, you politely greet each other with a nod of the head. You’ve become good colleagues, you work well together, grew a bit closer, even though you’re not properly friends. Therefore, the elephant stays in the room, unbothered. You know he goes to therapy and you still don’t feel the right to meddle; he’s still too ashamed of waking up every night his nice neighbor.

And again, another nightmare, another song, another day, another nod of the head, another week and another again.

You’ve started to sing every night, a bit longer following the last cry before he wakes, a silent agreement to sing him to sleep that you two sign every morning with your polite nod of the head. It seems like he has started to scream a bit less. He awakens a little easier from his nightmares and, apparently, he’s also getting some proper sleep after. You feel more at ease, your faithful insomnia is still there, but you’re getting more sleep too.

Months pass by and in the end you and Bucky become friends. You still nod your head politely in the morning, then you go on with your days spending time together, be it for training of for fun. Bucky’s still going to therapy, more willingly than the first times, and you’re just happy to know he’s feeling better; he is a bit shy of telling you he’s falling asleep every night listening to your sweet voice. That's why your elephant stays there.

But even your polite elephant can't remain silent forever. A mission gone particularly wrong makes more demons resurface from the depths of slumber and the worst nightmare in a while echoes through the wall separating you from one of your best friends. Dread fills you again, a feeling you hadn't in months.

You slowly walk to your shared wall and rest your head on it. You don’t know if it will help, but you can’t - you don’t want to ignore him. Softly, you start to sing.

He said / Come wander with me, love / Come wander with me / Away from this sad world / Come wander with me

The first times you tried to sing during Bucky’s nightmares, it was to survive. It was selfish. Then it became something like a mutual secret, a tool for the both of you to reach the end of the night as unscathed as possible. And now, now it’s an act of love, your way to try and protect him from something you can’t save him from.

He came from the sunset / He came from the sea / He came from my sorrow / And can love only me

You sing as sweetly as you’re capable of, but you feel more powerless at every cry that resonates in the room, your heart being torn together with his.

You don’t know how many times you start the song again, crying, your voice quivering. You’re scared but, finally, the screams turn into crying. You’re almost relieved when you hear him awake and weeping. You collapse against the wall, tears streaming freely down your cheeks, but keep on humming gently, because you don’t want to leave him alone.

Maybe an hour passes and you don’t hear sounds coming from the other room. You stopped crying but grief fills your heart. You swore years ago to never leave alone the people you love and yet, there you were, hating a wall and yourself for not being able to help a friend.

Then, a sound so soft you would have missed it. A door closing. Some silence. A knock on your door. You bolt on your feet to open it: Bucky stands there and though you can’t really see his face in the dark, you know he’s stressed.

-Can you sing for me, doll, please?

He’s voice is so thin your heart breaks. You take his hand gently and guide him to sit on your bed. You sit close enough for him to reach at you, if he wants. Softly, you start again.

He said / Come wander with me, love / Come wander with me

He tentatively reaches for your hand and you take it, starting to caress it tenderly, with a regular rhythm. You can feel his ragged breathing evening a bit.

Away from this sad world / Come wander with me

He came from the sunset / He came from the sea

He’s trembling slightly, silently crying. You don’t leave his hand, repeating the short lullaby again.

He came from my sorrow / And can love only me

Oh where is the wanderer / Who wandered this way

A third and a fourth and a fifth times you sing for him. At a certain point he’s rested his head on your thighs and you’ve felt the tears through the fabric of your pants. You gently move your fingers through his hair and slowly, so slowly, his body starts to relax, his breathing now regular.

/ He’s passed on his wandering / And will never go away

He sang of a sweet love / Of dreams that would be ...

You softly turn to humming the last verses of the song, rocking both of you to sleep, and, after a while, the soldat seems to find peace, leaving the man to rest.

Tomorrow, you will gently acknowledge the elephant that lived in your rooms for too long. But, for now, you will enjoy your slumber.

[jacksoldsideblog]

can you write something about female fight club then?

I'm standing like an unwanted shadow as Tyler bargains our way into soap based success. I have to hear her say things like:

"Well, a woman's touch helps."

"It just helps to know what the clientele want."

"Of course, the softest soap is what will sell best, who doesn't want soap that makes their hands delicate and gentle?"

All with this slight sarcastic turn, just enough to rustle the secret feminist wiles of the salewoman she's speaking to. To elucidate some sort of sexy danger, acknowledging the song and dance we're in and its artifice all the same.

We usually see them at fight club within a week or two.

I can't blame them. The mystery that is Tyler Durden combined with the chance to see her shirtless has seduced many women into having to cover up black eyes and broken lips. If anyone cared, there would be reports on a massive wave of physical abuse hitting women right now.

But there's not.

Tyler says, "They don't see anything different. To be a woman is to be a punching bag. They don't see any difference. They don't notice the fingerprints are, on average, smaller. They think it's natural. This is why the song and dance works."

The song and dance being, it is morning, and I'm in the kitchen using my reflection in our spoiled glass windows to apply a thin attempt at hiding my cranial bruising to my forehead. It will serve as the obligatory effort on the part of the battered woman to make herself slightly less unseemly and uncomfortable for others to be around, and in exchange, I would only lose my job if it was to interact with the public. My job is not to interact with the public. I do the due diligence of showing submission to the everpresent assumption I am for male consumption, I am not fired on the spot.

It is a song and dance because no one cares about the bruises themselves, only whether they've made me too ugly and complicated to work with. The makeup, which hides the worst of it, serves to show that yes sir, I roll over sir, I know I shouldn't be too annoying about this sort of thing, sir. I have no female colleagues who would bother to ask whether I was considering leaving.

The thing about fight club is, the first and second rules are that you don't talk about fight club. Tyler is very clear on this. However, this is mostly because we don't need to advertise. Any woman who expresses enough concern and anger at her coworker friend family's bruises finds her way here quick. It keeps us focused.

Tyler says, "If we were men, we could walk around with the truth of us bare on our skin. I know this because I do, every night I play the part of the genteel waiter at the Pressman Hotel." Many women had met Tyler at work. Many women had been warned away from the lobster bisque by Tyler. Her guerilla warfare was mostly targeted.

"Instead," Tyler says, "you have to cake yourself in makeup just to keep your jobs. Your bruises are still visible, but you're fired if you have no shame about it. What does that tell you about your place in the world?"

Some women, I know, go deep. Buy up land and live on it in communes. No one cares if your dogsitter or caretaker for the grandmother you never visit has bruises. No one's there to witness it. These invisible jobs, they get snapped up like candy. The women already in it, they teach the others, little post-club instructionals. They escape enough to shed the obligation.

It does not escape any of us that these jobs are less stable, that the options are to play the game or be beholden to gigs.

Hold back your teeth and spit.

I'm finished in the kitchen by the time Martin trundles down the stairs, all waifish and giggly. He sees me, he makes sure to tell me he'll be around again in a few days. We could hit golfballs at the factory while complaining about our dads again.

I don't tell him I want to rip his dick off and shove it down his throat. I do not tell him, he is ruining my life, taking up Tyler's time. I do not tell him, I would rather die than actively share Tyler with you, even on the most platonic level. I would rather use my own sinew to sew your mouth shut just so you couldn't speak to her.

I'm not going to play your stupid games, Martin.

He shrugs.

"Hey," he says. "Are you still going to ovarian cancer?"

No.

"You can have it, you know," he says. "That was the deal. I get bowel cancer, blood parasites, meth recovery, you get ovarian cancer, brain parasites, skin cancer. We share gut parasites. That was the agreement."

Again, I do not tell Martin that last time I went to ovarian cancer, the basement was empty except for Marge, who hugged me close enough that I could see the now unshaved hairs on her chin and told me about a little get together that happens on Saturdays, one that gave her more of a sense of purpose than crying about lost motherhood ever did. Martin might see me follow the rules but he doesn't get to know where I'm breaking them.

"Whatever," he says.

Then my life is significantly better, because Martin has left the house.

Then my life is signficantly better, because Tyler comes down the stairs in her boxer briefs. I stare in a sort of deadeyed way, like I'm trying to pretend it's insomnia that has my eyes glued to her hips.

"My eyes are up here," Tyler says. "You're so hopeless." She says it with immense satisfaction. I know she gets off on seeing me zombified by her instead of society. I get off on it, too.

"Good luck at work today," she says, buttoning up my shirt. Theoretically, I had it unbuttoned to avoid staining it with concealer. Realistically, it's because her fingers brushing against my bare chest make my heart stutter in a way I'd love to die from. Tyler burned my last remaining bra soon after I moved in. The rest had gone up in flames with my condo. No one at work has noticed because they try to avoid looking at me in the first place.

My mouth is wet. I'm a bit wet. I hope Tyler is. She sends me out the door, I'm erroneously hoping the sight of me in my business casual is enough to warrant some sexual exploration before she sleeps til five.

I think about fight club. It is now only three days away, closer by the hour.

Tyler makes me feel like a megalomaniac.

[mdhwrites]

It really does feel like the writers just kind of dont care about the world. When i first saw it, i was really interested in just how wild it was, a whole world based of hieronymous bosch? Cool.

But then they just contradict themselves, dont do anything with it or it just doesnt make sense? for example:

-In the first season the world is presented as this brutal, hostile place, where walking down the street can get you killed. Characters dont know what hugging or shaking hands is. The schools are brutal, teachers being downright vile at points. In season 2 they have a whole school dedicated to darwinian logic. But... later the teachers are suddenly nice, the world feels less hostile and they have therapists? what? in a place where you get thrown in prison for writing fanfiction?

-Some jokes are made that are 'haha get it cuz not human' but they make no sense. They have bard magic, walking guitars and bands, but when they have to look after luz, they suddenly think nightmare noises are a banger? Or how willow makes a '40s cartoon' joke, gus has a pb&j samwich, etc.

-Potion magic makes no sense. How is it a coven when you can do it WITHOUT magic. what happens when you get branded? do you just lose all magic? is it a pity coven for bad witches?

I feel on its own these things are nitpicky, but when they pile up it just feels like they were only thinking about making the place LOOK cool while having zero substance.

So you're correct that a lot of these are either nitpicks or just really lazy jokes on the part of the writers. In fact, the lazy, fish out of water jokes came back in S3 and make Amity just look like falling in love literally drained her brain out of her ears. However, that doesn't make them invalid, especially in a show with little worldbuilding. They pile up into making the whole thing feel like a construct.

Luckily, you don't have to go to nitpicks to point out that the writers didn't give a shit. Dana herself is one of the worst writers as far the worldbuilding goes. After all, she wrote Reaching Out.

She was the one who treated being a Wild Witch like choosing not to go to college.

She also co-wrote The First Day where, you know, they don't even acknowledge that multi-tracking is explicitly illegal in this society so why would an EC funded school EVER allow that?

There's SO MANY of these sorts of things peppered throughout the series that makes the ONE part of the world building we ever get, that is anything close to making this world actually unique besides implications, a straight up lie. It'd be like if Avatar made being able to multi-bend something you chose seven episodes in and suddenly slaughtered the entire point of the Avatar being special. It doesn't though because WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!?

And there's no way to call this a nitpick. It's the hard basis for one of the main cast, even though Eda's status as a criminal is ALL OVER THE PLACE in S1, especially for people giving a shit about it. It's effectively the core of the villain's plot and the society they created. Any crack in the coven system becomes a crack in your main plot... And when it was first introduced, rather than nine, their were hundred, a fact that persisted into S2 when a character VOICED BY DANA talked about joining the Cute Cat Coven. You know, a coven theoretically not affected by the draining spell.

It's even important thematically. It is the oppression that Luz is supposed to fighting against. The way that self expression and being true to you is repressed is through the coven system and the laws surrounding it. Those need to actually function for those themes to feel like they have weight or they fall apart. It's part of why TOH struggles with thematic consistency because self expression doesn't feel like a core part of it when no one gives a fuck what you do. When there is no actual pressure to conform and hide yourself. At least, not for a story like this.

It's probably the biggest reason why when I hear people exclaim that TOH has great worldbuilding I just have to look at them funny. After all, none of this is even new or actually unique *gestures at Dystopian Fiction in general and D&D wizards school of magic* and it's told like shit. And for a story like this, your fantasy epic about sticking it to the man by showing how special you are, it NEEDED to be told better. It needed to have point.

But it never did and it just makes the writers look either like they didn't care or are just incompetent, let alone when the show director themselves is shooting their core concepts in the head.

======+++++=======

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[natasha-in-space]

I got a yoosung angst prompt cuz its fun to put the most sunshine guy through the worst traumas

How do you think his relationship will mc be post Bad Ending 3. Yeah its the ending where Unknown kidnaps and tortures him. Lets assume that he eventually got rescued and nearly died in the process (cuz Unknown badly hurt him in a fit of rage) but he survives....he lives

But whats gonna be after that how the whole ordeal is gonna affect his relationship with his S/O because it is going to be tough for both the parties. Ofc yoosung who was directly affected by the ordeal will need alot of therapy, and love and support. But it was quite tough for mc too.... if anything yoosung route does, it shows us the fact that losing a loved one is traumatic, nearly losing one too as well and MC also was traumatised and is guilt ridden (maybe i should have tried harder to stop him had i knew this would happen is a constant thought in her head) she also becomes somewhat protective of him because he has been through enough and deserves to get the best of the world.....but while mc is well intentioned in her actions....it somehow stings Yoosung, he is the one who should be protecting her, he should be the proactive one in the relationship....thats what he thinks. It makes him feel small....besides he can also see her running herself thin for him....and he just wants to not be a burden to her...

I rambled alot im sorry but i wanna see your take. As always i just wanna let you know I love your writing

Well, the unfortunate thing that I just can't help but bring up is that... Bad Ending 3 happens due to the player's (MC's) actions. That's not how it works in real life, of course, but with the structure of MM's storyline, that's how it plays out, and that's how it's meant to be interpreted by the player. In that ending, MC prioritizes themselves first, and encourages Yoosung self-sacrificial tendencies for their own benefit (or, well, safety, to be more exact). MC's actions are what led Yoosung to sacrifice himself in that ending in the first place. And that's also the reason behind his seeming resolve with what Unknown is putting him through in the aftermath.

'It's okay. I'm protecting them. They wanted me to keep them safe. So they wouldn't be scared. I need to stay strong for them. I'm doing this for them. Because I love them. Because I don't want to be in the dark and not do anything like it happened with Rika.'

So both sides of the argument are dealing with a messy tangle of emotions to deal with. And if you do want to imagine a better resolution to all of this, it'll probably involve a lot of conversations between the two.

Your dynamic between each other is unbalanced in that particular ending. And that's something that needs to be fixed. MC should take more care of Yoosung's well-being first before their own and believe in him, while Yoosung needs to work on his anxious attachment style.

It is difficult, though, because Yoosung's worst traits got the best of him as a direct result of MC's actions. The situation is pretty similar to those who want to imagine a better solution to Jumin's 2 Bad Ending. While it's possible, it needs to be acknowledged that MC is the one who needs to put most of the work in.

In my opinion, what would their relationship be like? Well, if we assume that MC does feel guilty for everything that happened, that's a lot of emotional baggage to deal with. Yoosung got hurt. Bad. Both physically and mentally. And he'll probably dismiss it too. It's important to remember that in this particular ending, he's devoted to you to an unhealthy extent. Not the same as in his 1 Bad Ending, but in a very self-sacrificial way. He'll probably just smile at you and say that he's happy you're safe. That that was the only thing he ever wanted. And that he held out for so long because he remembered what you told him, and how scared you were.

So... it's a pretty heavy situation for MC to be in. It's one thing to have your loved one disregard their well-being for you, but it's completely different when it's the direct consequence of your own actions.

Many apologies need to be made. Even if Yoosung doesn't understand why you're apologizing to him. Lots of talks to be had. And lots of very slow and steady progress to be made.

It's possible to come up with a better resolution to this mess. But it'll require a lot of work and patience from both MC and Yoosung. It does make a very interesting story to think about, though!

[techmomma]

Things that are very difficult to reconcile with:

sometimes abuse and trauma makes us selfish and self-centered. Sometimes it makes us prideful--because we are wounded, and trying to cover up a wound.

I don't mean in a "turns us into our abusers" kind of way. Obviously, that can happen. But even when we decide not to be like the ones who abused us, we can end up focusing entirely on ourselves--losing track of the world around us.

Sometimes this comes as "thinking no one else in the world understands our pain and trauma." Your pain and trauma is important. But it is not unique. There ARE others who have experienced what you have.

Sometimes this comes as exceptionalism, even if in a negative way. "No one is as terrible and awful of a person as I am." You are not the worst person in the world. You are, at most, middling average.

But for some victims of abuse, the idea of being average--that is, nothing special--is almost worse than being the worst. At least if you're the worst, that's something, right? You're different, even if it's in a bad way, because you're afraid of never standing out, or being neglected, again.

Sometimes it looks like being sensitive, even defensive, against even light constructive criticism, because that criticism touches on those feelings of shitty self-worth. Touching them means having to acknowledge they're there.

Sometimes it means doing or saying things to others that we cannot tolerate ourselves. Touching others and hating to be touched. Criticizing others and not tolerating criticism in return. Making fun of other people and being unable to handle being made fun of. This is again wound-covering but it's also an aspect of regaining control that we do not think we have or control that we crave. There's also a catharsis to it: we were criticized mercilessly, and no we do it to others, but the wound remains, and so cannot tolerate it against ourselves. The inequality, itself, becomes a way to get back that control we're desperate for because we are afraid of the lack of control, yet again.

Sometimes it looks like failing to see, or ignoring, the role we play in problems. Saying "everyone else controls this, not me," when we have more control than we can see or are willing to admit. Saying "other people make problems" when you had the ability to walk away, or put down a boundary.

Sometimes it looks like being so focused on our own feelings and pain that we cannot see it in others. Not just in people we don't like, but in our friends too.

Sometimes it does come out as entitlement. "My pain was terrible and yours isn't as bad." As seeing someone else's problems as "lesser" because they weren't as bad as yours. Creating tiers or hierarchies of pain, comparative to yours. Saying "why do I have to eat my humble pie when no one else did? when I already suffered so much?"

Sometimes this comes as clinging to a victim mindset. That other people need to fix you, that someone else needs to come in to save you, because that's fucking unfair to be hurt by someone else and have to fix the hurt they gave you, yourself. But that is the unfortunate reality: no one is going to save you when it comes to your emotional wounds. No one is going to fix you. You have to fix it, yourself. You can go to therapy to get the right tools to do so and friends can tell you that you're wonderful, but the only person in the end who can heal your wounds is you.

People who've been abused and traumatized are not any more morally or emotionally mature than anyone else. They don't get to slack on introspection--in fact, sometimes, we have to introspect more than most because we did not learn how to do so in a healthy way, so we are just as prone to falling into the same traps as the ones who hurt us. No one is immune to perpetuating the same hurt dealt to them.

We affect the people around us. You are not immune to hurting others because you did not take care of your own wounds.

[beanghostprincess]

Omg you like SatoSugu and Soukoku too? I’ve GOTTA hear your thoughts on them

If I start talking about my relationship with these two ships I might actually end up sobbing while I write this- But basically, both Soukoku and Satosugu are really important to me because the whole dynamic of "best friends to enemies who still have feelings for each other" reminds me of something that happened to me with my former best friend. Which is, uh, not pleasant to talk about but we had a very nasty break up and I think it's a very common experience. Somebody said something once (in my post about Shuggy making more sense if they were girls) about these ships always resembling friendships between sapphics that don't know they're sapphics yet, which changed my whole view on these three ships completely because oh lord, that person was so damn right. Because it's the possessiveness of it all, you know? Like- Being close to your best friend, so much it hurts to see them with other people and so much it's frightening to think about a world without them. You have so many feelings about this person that you can't quite place and you can't put a name to, but it's more than a friendship and it's not romantic love either. And it makes more sense being a closeted sapphic because you don't accept it might probably be love until the friendship ends in a very nasty and toxic way and then you keep resenting that person forever.

I am kind of traumadumping here, lmfao, but basically I really like these three ships because they treat this dynamic in very different ways and I am a sucker for them. The angst is immaculate and I'll never get tired of them.

I like Soukoku for a lot of reasons, BSD being my favorite manga of all time and everything. Dazai meets Chuuya when he doesn't have any reason to live but keeps working for the mafia nevertheless because Chuuya is interesting enough to keep being alive. Because perhaps that's what Dazai has been looking for. And Chuuya, well- He has mixed feelings for Dazai but his loyalty is unmatched and that's both his best and worst trait (we see that constantly, poor boy). Dazai is still, after everything, his partner. They need each other, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. They're basically canonically soulmates, at this point, and you don't even need to ship them to acknowledge it because it's just that obvious. Chuuya is the only one able to keep Dazai wanting to live and Dazai is quite literally the only one with the ability to stop Chuuya from losing control. They really are made for each other. It makes me go completely insane. The whole thing about Chuuya not being a human but being the most human and empathetic person of the mafia, and Dazai saying he isn't worthy of being called human but being physically one? That's just insane. And I could talk for hours about them and write a deeper analysis of their relationship, but I'd never finish this post, then.

Then, Satosugu. They make me equally insane. They were best friends. They were so damn close. And Gojo loved him so much that he couldn't stop Geto when he turned his back on him and walked away to become what he is now. It's just so heartbreaking, losing someone like that and all of a sudden. We see Geto losing himself over the years and falling into desperation and emptiness and Gojo not noticing until it's just too late to do anything. That's Gojo's weak spot. He's the most powerful sorcerer and dude can't fight his ex best friend because "there's no curse more twisted than love". That fucked me up completely, honestly. Gojo is such a complex character, growing up so quickly and with so many expectations, not being able to enjoy his teenage years either because they stole them from him like this. And Geto ending up all alone too, turning into just a vessel of vengeance. Like- Shit is too deep to explain it in just a tumblr post, but they make me go insane.

And Shuggy is basically the same thing but at least these two have the chance to make up and reunite at some point. Shuggy is the one that feels more realistic to me, honestly, because it genuinely feels only like a normal falling out between best friends (that definitely were something more) rather than this complicated poetic mix of metaphors and poems. These two were just kids when all of this happened, too, it makes me so ill. But I have a whole post talking about Shuggy too, so I don't think I need to explain why I like them.

TL;DR: These ships are definitely for the sapphics who had THAT best friend and had very strong feelings toward them but didn't know why, and years after a very nasty break up that still haunts them to this day they realized it was a bit more than just a friendship.

[lizlives]

Something that's always kinda been a pet peeve to me is how people talk about Archie Sonic Preboot and Postboot. Often in conversations there's this idea that the old world is old hat, and anyone upset about the way it went out is just stuck in the past, with the implication that we really didn't lose much in the transition.

To me this reads as incredibly disingenuous and dismissive. Putting aside the obvious fallacy in claiming not much was lost (two decades worth of original lore, much of which was either good to begin with or seeing redemption in better writers), the transition was so obviously rough.

In the middle of one of the most emotionally harrowing sagas and well-written arcs in the entire series, the Mecha Sally Saga, readers who were keeping up with the behind the scenes drama basically had to watch every month as more cracks started to show. At the start of the Endangered Species mini arc, issue #243's text is obviously altered to remove any references to specific characters and events. Then next issue, in the most lowkey way possible, without so much as any real fanfare, the entire echidna society is erased basically for good. The rest of that saga is one long drawn out fight between Knuckles and Thrash, that they tease could end a number of ways, but again, anyone following the behind the scenes drama knows that the characters are never coming back. The sheer inevitability of the conclusion almost feels chilling reading it now, like a Greek tragedy. There are lines that almost feel like the writers venting their actual feelings, how they feel angry that all of this has to change.

The final shot of Knuckles in the entirety of preboot archie is him punching the floor in rage because his entire species and family, his mother, his baby brother, and the love of his life are all gone forever. A mini arc arc that was originally conceived as a way of bringing Knuckles out of his depression arc was transformed into one where all his worst feelings are completely justified. Jesus Christ.

Then one more issue, and just as Sally is rescued, the world is re-written by a Genesis Wave. What follows is a Megaman crossover arc that would be fun in any other circumstance but following everything else we've seen just feels bizarre. Then it ends with Sonic attempting to restore their reality but just... failing. Again, knowing this moment's repercussions now reads extremely bleak and tragic. If it weren't for the fact that it was all done because of external forces it would be artfully tragic, idk maybe it still is.

The reboot that follows immediately hits the ground running, and very slowly you realize what you should've realize all along. Two decades worth of lore was just wiped with simultaneously too little fanfare, but also in the most tragic and bleak way possible. The reveal is made that the entire multiverse is wiped out as well, great.

No attempt is made to explain the mechanics of the fate of people who didn't find their way into this new reality, because they literally can't legally. Did they become other people somewhere? Did they just die? We don't know, and to make it worse, they even acknowledge that the characters are just losing their memories of the previous reality? The sheer dissonance in how the characters are acting vs how they emotionally should be treating this is kinda insane.

But you know, after all this, the reboot is fine. It's really fun actually. Really, I don't hate it. Any and all of my issues stem not from it itself, but from the fact that it was necessarily marketed as a continuation of the old story, it just isn't. That's not an insult, it just isn't and can never be.

I'm not kidding when I say they should've just canceled the comic, said we're sorry that we couldn't finish it, and just started a brand new comic from issue 1. To me, these are two separate series, that's I think the best way of thinking of them, because trying to think about the reboot in terms of the fact that an entire multiverse was wiped out and we're never implied that some characters weren't just wiped out in every way permanently, is just so bleak. Like the old reality or not, it doesn't change the fact that trying to just move on from something like that with no catharsis or explanation is weird.

So yeah, I kinda got distracted remembering how conflicted the whole situation makes me lol, but to make a long story short, I think that people should stop treating the reboot like it was a natural continuation of the original story, and stop treating people who liked and/or still like the old reality as stupid. It was imperfect, even very imperfect, but it was a lived in world that was allowed to develop and was only going to improve more if it was allowed to.

With the reboot, we basically started from scratch and given Sega's restrictiveness, we probably weren't gonna see as many off the wall concepts like we did previously. Many people might have seen that as a boon, but to me it takes away from what I like the most about Sonic, that being that it's a franchise that isn't afraid to be weird, to be wacky. I think tbh that's what I miss the most about the preboot era.

[http-mianhae]

05 ➛ matthew, the worst trainer in the world (0.8k)

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you know he's nervous behind that fake smile but you do something nice called 'not acknowledging it'. it doesn't help the case at all because the boy, shortly after he introduced himself as 'matthew' continues to be a mess.

he zooms through the explanation of how each of the machines work and you thank god that you took a barista course so you could keep up reasonably well. you stood there, staring at him explaining everything blankly and then, something snapped in you at last when he went into a tangent about how they use biodegradable forks because it was better for the environment.

"i'm not going to bite your head off, okay?"

he purses his lips tight.

"that's quite literally what i told him―"

"mind your business, hao!" matthew interrupts, shooting the older a glare.

hao is quick to return the glare and he points towards the front, "customer."

matthew almost dashes to the register where a customer is approaching with a pondering look on their face.

"y/n, you should stand next to matthew and learn how to take an order." hao instructs you.

you're hesitant but follow through with the instructions, standing next to matthew who greets the customer with his fake smiles.

"w-welcome to sip & soothe, what can i get for you?"

you're shoulder-to-shoulder and you catch the sweat drip down his forehead.

do i make him that nervous?

the customer tells him their order but matthew is staring right ahead, a smile vaguely on his face.

he isn't doing anything.

just standing there and smiling.

oh, lord.

"yeah, no worries, we'll get that for you." you jump in with a smile, tapping the drink on the register. the customer whips out their card and with a few clicks, you're pointing at the card machine, "whenever you're ready."

matthew's still standing like a monument.

"that's it. matthew, go catch a break." hao comes in between the two of you.

"but, i―"

hao glares.

matthew doesn't argue back. he removes his apron, leaving from behind the register with a face so disappointed you felt a little bad.

do i have that much of an effect on him?

you try brushing it off as hao began explaining to you, the right, nicely-paced way of how to use all the machines and as much as you were listening, your mind was on matthew.

he's in the corner of your eyesight, facing away from you as if he doesn't want to see you.

it bothers you.

he must be having a hard time.

"i'm sorry, do you mind if i go talk to matthew really quickly?" you finally ask hao.

you don't really care about the impression this makes with hao.

hao, surprised, slowly nods, "sure...i think that's a good idea actually."

with that, you also remove your apron, putting it on top of where matthew's was.

walking towards him, you realise you're sort of an obstacle towards his job. it disheartens you, you don't want to be the type of person to distract him from his job.

the guy seems nice and you would love to be friends with him but if he lets this gets in the way, you're going to lose him and he's going to lose his job.

you had the natural responsibility to fix it.

"can i sit?" you ask him, pointing towards the chair.

he looks up from his phone, eyes widening at your presence―the very person he was running away from, "yes."

you're quiet for a second.

"how long have you liked me for?" you begin.

matthew doesn't look at you, "maybe four months."

you didn't know you could keep someone's interest for that long. you hiss audibly, "that's a long time."

he nods, cheeks flushing rose.

"the whole pickup line thing wasn't my idea by the way. so please don't associate me with that."

you laugh, finding it funny how defensive he was over something so small. he'd just confessed to you and now, he's speaking about some pineapple joke, "if it helps, i thought the pickup line thing was weird. i'm glad you told me that though."

and it's quiet again.

you say what you want to say.

"listen, matthew," you start, "you seem really nice and i'd like to get to know you better! but i can't really do that if you're so nervous all the time. again, if it helps, i'll take you having a crush on me as a compliment."

matthew nods again. he seems to be ending the war with himself, "okay."

"lets start over?" you ask.

he nods once more.

"want to show me how those machines work?"

"i thought hao-hyung already showed you."

"i want you to show me." you press on.

and for the first time, you see his real smile.

please comment or lmk in any way for the taglist!

TAGLIST ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ @tocupid

[knickynoo]

Hi there! Me again.

I’ve been rewatching Family Ties (thanks again for showing me where!) and noticed something about Alex’s character that i don’t care for/think you have touched upon.

What are your thoughts on his views of women?The advice he gave Jeff on his date with Mallory appalled me. Do you think it’s just a product of the time- how right leaning people were expected/did to treat women? Or is it something deeper? I don’t understand how he thinks this way after seeing how amazing Steven and Elyse are toward each other. (Even if the kids are disgusted every time they kiss lol)

I would love to hear your opinion!

Hello! Nice to hear from you again :)

Yeah, so, a lot of the words that come out of Alex's mouth regarding women are 😬😬😬

I can't recall the exact advice you're referring to, but I do know it's bonkers. Something about how women want a man to make all her decisions or something? Boss her around and take charge? It's honestly not only some of his worst advice, but I also think it's one of the more outrageous things he says in regards to women out of the whole series.

It's especially weird considering he's giving advice on how his sister should be treated by Jeff! And we know that, while Alex isn't always the nicest to Mallory, he loves her very much and wants to protect her. I mean, there's an entire first season episode centered around Alex losing his mind over Mallory going out with a guy who Alex doesn't like or trust. He's so worried about this guy taking advantage of Mallory and not treating her right, then he goes and gives bananas advice to Jeff. So...what's the deal?

Honestly, I don't know, lol. If I had to guess, there are probably several different factors at play that contribute to those moments Alex says Horrible Things.

1. He operates with a set of standards and values from way before his time. The thing is that Alex isn't even a product of his time—a lot of the opinions he holds would be considered outdated in the 80s by the majority of people, regardless of political leaning.

I can't for the life of me remember the episode or the exact quote, so I'm going to butcher it I'm sure, but there's a scene where Alex is lamenting how no one holds the same values he does, and he and Steven have an exchange like this:

Alex: "I should have been born in the 40s."

Steven: "Even then, you'd be a little conservative."

Alex: "The 1740s."

Steven: "....Even then, you'd be a little conservative."

It's something like that. If anyone knows what episode this is from or what the exact line is, lmk because it's one of my favorites.

2. Alex is an extreme black and white thinker. I think this is the number one trait of his that impacts him the most across the board. So many of his problems boil down to him just not seeing nuance. It's not that he's unwilling to. The guy just can't.

It makes Alex very rigid in his thoughts on things, and that absolutely spills over into situations like when he gives advice to Jeff or voices any other wild opinion. He's going to automatically go to the extremes because that's all he can wrap his head around. In a relationship, men should have all the control. They should make the decisions and say specific things and so on. It then leads him to make generalizations about women and their roles.

I think he also finds some security in these thoughts, honestly. Alex clings to facts and things that he feels are concrete and reliable. We also know that he has a very hard time processing and acknowledging his emotions. Putting people into two neat piles is comfortable for him, and anything that doesn't fit into either of those piles is too overwhelming. Alex's world needs rules for it to feel stable to him. Unfortunately, a lot of those rules are...not so great.

3. Shock-value: This is more about Alex the TV show character rather than the "real life" in-universe Alex Keaton, but still. A good deal of his character, especially in the earlier seasons, hinged on him saying or doing things that got a reaction from the audience. You can't have a show about ex-hippy, progressive parents without someone for them to knock heads against. The early episodes in particular seemed to really lean into this, and I feel like he gets toned down slightly as the series goes on? Don't get me wrong, it doesn't go away, but he does grow.

• The "Ladies Man" episode has him realizing that, while he may not support a particular movement, he absolutely respects the rights of the women in the movement. Him jumping up to defend the woman being heckled by a guy, and then his little speech to the women at the end are two of my favorite Alex moments.

• After a very difficult adjustment period when he gets a new job and learns his boss is a woman, Alex ends up really respecting her and becoming friends with her. (Wow, this ep is uncomfortable for the first half, though!)

• Ellen in particular has an impact on helping Alex to see those "in-between" areas, in my opinion. Some heart to hearts with Elyse help as well, and it's clear through the series that Alex loves and respects his mother a great deal.

Idk if this response was coherent, but there you go, haha. Alex is such a complicated character, and whenever I write about him, I feel like I'm trying to untangle a gigantic mess of yarn. But I do love him! Sometimes he is a menace, though!! He should, perhaps, simply keep his mouth shut a lot of the time.

(Also, Steven and Elyse don't discipline him ever, so it's partly their fault if we're being real here)

What? Who said that?

Thanks for the ask!

[vitaliskravtsov]

Could I do #48 for the song prompt? (For parswoops ofc bc I am nothing if not predictable)

okay so this is a PERFECT pimms song but tbh... it's also GOLD for just anything with Kent, so I was SO PUMPED when I saw what you'd picked

48) boy - maisie peters

Boy, you think I'm dumb, tryna pull one on me like I've never been kissed You had a couple of exes and I know that they let you get away with it But you're a boy And I can tell that you've never been hugged boy And I can do better than this, oh better than this

Kent's first NHL goal is a beautiful power play goal from a mess in front of the net, and Jeff wants nothing more than to hug him, so he does.

Or, well, he tries.

Kent is flying around the ice, yelling his blonde head off, avoiding absolutely any contact until he slows enough to get to the bench and get his fist bumps and a little cuff on the shoulder from the captain.

He does come back for little acknowledgements, but that moment, right after his goal - he's totally, wholly alone.

Jeff sends up a little prayer of thanks that people's attitudes and team cohesion aren't topics reporters like to drill him on.

It's not as notable, after that, that Kent ducks away from hugs, both on ice and in the locker room. He doesn't do anything as showy as that first night, but he still slips out, slides from under the plies, takes only claps of recognition instead of full body slams, leaves people behind to slam themselves into walls, makes it so that he's never the tactile center of anything.

It's a little weird, because Jeff's seen pictures of his Memorial Cup run, and he's not sure anything could have fit between the top line of that team when they were cellying. So it's, you know. It's a little insulting, if nothing else.

And then, come December, Kent's drunk and kissing Jeff, and Jeff's sure it's a one-time thing, and then it's not. They're making out in every available closet, perpetually going out on dates, staying in and hanging out and watching old vampire rom-coms as an excuse to eat shitty pizza on Jeff's couch instead of in Lamby's basement, and it's.

The thing is, Kent still won't let Jeff hold him. Kiss him? Sure. Pin him? Yeah. Smack his hand away from the carrots he's chopping up for salad? Okay.

But a hug after a bad game? Nope. Cuddling while watching what is arguably one of the worst movies Jeff's ever seen? Abso-fucking-lutely not.

The first time he tried, Kent practically jumped six feet in the air and almost ran out the door of the apartment, and the only thing that kept him in was the fact that it was 2am in Vegas, and he hadn't bought a coat.

Jeff's let him get away with it because, like, personal space and improvement.

But it's April, and the Aces are mathematically out of the playoffs, just barely eked out by the fucking Flames, and Kent still won't let Jeff do anything for him.

Jeff is, just a little bit, fucking done.

It comes to a head after they lose in a spectacular blowout against the Wild, 6-0, last road game of the season. They make it back to the room, and Kent immediately drops the cover he'd had in the hallway to duck questions from vets, plops down on the bed, and goes dead to the world.

Jeff sits down on the bed next to him and gently, gently, rests his hand on Kent's spine.

"Hey," he whispers.

Kent jumps, tenses.

"Don't fucking touch me," he hisses, shrinking into himself.

Jeff's hands fly into the air.

"Whoa, hey, I'm sorry," he says, voice defensive. "I was just trying to be nice to my boyfriend, don't mind me."

"You could not," Kent growls into his pillow.

"Don't do that," Jeff spits back. "Don't do the fucking I'm angry I'm an asshole so I'm gonna yell at Jeff about it thing, that's not fucking fair to me."

"Shut up," Kent tells him, and puts a pillow over his head. He signs something, angry and sharp, and though it's not one Jeff knows (he's got "I love you", "Thanks", and "What" down, but that's about it), he knows it's one Kent signs often to the person who takes up so much space in Kent's head it's intolerable, sometimes.

"I'm not him," Jeff nearly yells. "I'm not going to tear you down, I'm not going to hit you or... or... fucking die! I don't know, okay, but I'm not him, and if you don't..."

He takes a deep breath.

"If you don't know that, that I'm not him, then I can't do this, because I can't do that to myself, and I can't let you do that to yourself, either."

He slides off the bed, puts on his shoes, grabs his duffel from next to the door.

"I love you," he whispers to the silent room, and he slips out the door.

[il3x]

that charismatic smile by tub ring is an accord song

SCREAMS. IT EVEN HAS HIS FOLDERS.....

gonna rant, actually, because the depth and aptness of this suggestion has SO greatly exceeded my expectations.

THAT'S HIMB. GOD. details dude. AUGH. the love and care and satisfaction with which the singer sings this first line... yeah that's what it's like in his head! jeepers. "a corporation of yourself" is SUCH a good description for accord too.

This part fits his ambitious plans, and desire to get state leaders and experts and such on board with them and working together. Like, this genuinely is his vision. well, this and idk embezzlement or something but he Does want to better the world.

The repetition/parallelisms ("and soon"/"and now") here are SO important! This is his plan kicking off, and immediately going pear-shaped (in his eyes) because of the disorderly and uncooperative actions of other humans. He's catching on that his ideals will not be realised.

The backing here, too! The way it gets more urgent, more distorted, more staticky and chaotic! Combined with "and soon the room is filled with menial discussion", it hits. like. I should not be relating to Accord but god DAMN. to me that captures the sensory overload of a room full of people talking over one another, the frustration of your voice getting lost in an uncoordinated group, when they're all talking around in circles and getting nowhere. I'm chill about group projects, wdym? Anyways. It's SO easy to picture this as his Shard aggravating pre-existing frustration/OCD/overload when his plans go awry, especially with that backing.

And (accord would saw trap me for starting with an independent conjunction, but the 'net is a lawless wasteland, babey!) the worst aspect of that kind of situation is the feeling of losing control...

Which makes the next lines hit all the harder!!

"Rising above the noise" I think really is how Accord sees himself and the Ambassadors, his motive and methods of villainy, his everything. And, God, this line! That's Accord's power fantasy! This is what he dreams about at night! That loss of control was never real, you were just lying in wait, and you're going to control every aspect of this formerly chaotic, terrifying, choking world.

It will be beautiful.

These last lines are also perfect, because they (along with the new super intense backing) don't shy away from his villainy. Accord has power because Accord kills for his power. His "order" comes at the price of lives. Ruined on a whim! Cody wasn't even at the damn meeting! So, yeah, he plays rough - and I love how this ending not only acknowledges that, in tandem with his "perfect control" fever dream, but cements the two together as the very same thing. To Accord, Mr. Shardbound 2011, guy who calms himself down after seeing shitty architecture by fantasising about the most horrific ways to bring the building down, efficiency and order and control and brutality and destruction are one and the same.

Which is something I had never put together, until Tub Ring knocked it out of the goddamn park.

[bestworstcase]

A lot of people don't like it when I point out that Vacuo is a dystopia (feeling that the fact that it's anti-Atlas and a victim of imperialism justifies all of its modern day policies), but I would like to point out that Menagerie is canonically in even worse shape than Vacuo economically and yet STILL manages to base it's culture on something other than "culling the weak", in spite of the fact that it has far FEWER allies than Vacuo does.

And yet, Menagerie isn't a dystopian hellhole the way Vacuo is. It's far more stable even though Adam almost started a Civil War at a FAR more politically unstable time than the Crown did.

Menagerie highlights how Vacuans don't NEED to be monsters to survive, they just choose to be their worst possible selves.

not just economically, geographically too. the vacuan desert is harsh and dangerous; the menagerian interior is uninhabitable. kuo kuana is the most crowded city in the world because the four kingdoms cordoned off as many faunus as possible on a small continent of which only a tiny fraction of the land is habitable. (and it’s not because of the grimm! blake says the wildlife in menagerie is a lot more dangerous than that of the vacuan desert and i want to know what the FUCK kind of beasts they’ve got that are worse than mole crabs.) and while obviously it’s easier to subsist on the coast than in the middle of a desert, coastal living has its own dangers and the people of kuo kuana don’t have any habitable higher ground to retreat to if a hurricane or tsunami swamps their homes. the environmental precariousness vacuans face, the constant danger of losing their homes to a natural disaster, is also present in menagerie.

and there’s another point of similarity in that the national identity of both states is so strongly defined by the history of suffering and exploitation by the other three kingdoms: the city vacuans have this… almost sour grapes, spiteful pride thing of “our home used to be a perfect paradise but we were COMFORTABLE and LAZY and that made us so WEAK we let people conquer and enslave us and now our home is hell on earth and we’re tougher and better than anyone else because suffering made us strong” whereas the people of menagerie have the bittersweet acknowledgment that they won the war for their rights and have a kingdom of their own now but also menagerie was given to them to shut them up and encourage them to segregate themselves from the rest of the world. and i think the key difference between these cultural narratives is that the menagerians own the fact that it still hurts, that turning that kick in the teeth into something good that they can really be proud of and find joy in doesn’t make it less discouraging to be rejected and neglected. meanwhile the city vacuans are multiple generations deep in trying to cope with the open wounds of this cultural trauma by telling themselves it was actually a good thing, that it was their fault for getting soft and it’s better now because it made them strong.

which makes the point you raised earlier about the nomadic tribes of the vacuan desert helping the city vacuans pretty interesting, i think? because the nomads have a markedly different relationship to the desert: fox’s tribe taught him that it’s beautiful and miraculous that life can persist in such a harsh environment and that the hardship makes each and every life all the more precious. yes it’s difficult, yes it’s dangerous, yes the desert will kill you if you don’t respect it, but the nomads live in it because they love the desert and they’re proud of themselves for being a part of it. there’s a lot of superficial overlap with the city vacuan attitude but the emotion behind it is one of appreciation, not resentment. and that much healthier mindset goes hand in hand with the nomadic culture being one that shaped fox into a well-adjusted, resilient, compassionate young man who believes that vacuo has “two kinds of people: those who were selfish and those who were fully dedicated to their community” and that selfishness is self-destructive; the beacon brigade, which gets ridiculed by the students of shade, is fox’s idea and he explicitly modeled it on the way his tribe supported each other.

and i think that’s probably the point rwby is building up to, with vacuo, that the rampant toxicity in city vacuan culture is a manifestation of festering trauma repeating itself from one generation to the next; it’s what you get when an entire nation tries to deal with imperial exploitation by burying it and pretending everything is fine, for centuries. they’re not bitter, they’re tough! they’re not resentful, they’re better than everybody else! there’s nothing wrong with them, their country is a shitty miserable hellscape nobody would ever want to live in but that’s FINE because it makes them STRONG and anyone who leaves is a traitor! and so forth. (in contrast fox leaves vacuo because he wants to live somewhere less dangerous, and when he comes back the nomads he encounters give him a warm welcome and tell him it doesn’t matter how far or how long he’s been away, he’s still one of them and he’ll always have a place here if he wants it.)

there’s this deep hurt that never healed, and when you get down to the foundations of what’s messed up in vacuo it’s just… that. menagerie healed after the faunus revolution and built a culture bound together by community support and ideals of equality, justice, and peace. the nomadic peoples of the vacuo accept hardship as a worthy price for living in the desert they chose as their home. both of these examples together reveal how city vacuans can move forward and fix what’s broken in their society.

[cptn-m]

One Piece chapter 1100 review

We know that aside from 100 and 1000, Oda's never really written around milestones, but you still generally find something that feels like a big step on each hundred chapters. While we have a pretty damn good chapter of One Piece this week, I don't think there's anything that really qualifies it as a giant leap forward for the story. Maybe all the classic Warlord cameos are meant to feel like the reward for the big eleven-hundred. Maybe, given that the celebratory colour spread is slated for next issue, the big moment missed by one. Or maybe that's just because of how Jump's scheduling panned out and I'm overthinking the whole thing.

There's an irony in Borsalino, in the opening pages, contrasting the climates of Egghead and Punk Hazard. He thinks Egghead's so much colder, but give it a few years and Punk Hazard will be half frozen over and Egghead will be fully climate controlled.

There's a lot of characterisation on show in this first scene. Vegapunk is painfully naive in failing to check for bugs in his lab, and this still won't teach him not to trust the Government. Borsalino has a laid-back and personable demeanour at a glance, but he'll do his job if he has to. And Kuma. Poor, well-meaning Kuma, loses all sense of perspective where his daughter is concerned. I don't think he heard a single word that wasn't about Bonney, even as Saturn offers him basically the worst terms ever. There's a comparison to be made in Kuma's reaction throughout the scene to Hancock asking Luffy to choose between freeing his friends and getting a boat. That same misdirect on what the initial reaction means and the laser focus on the people who need saving at the expense of all else. Except Luffy's version played out in his favour whereas Kuma… well, we're in a One Piece flashback, so you do the math.

Saturn's character is also front and center here. It's that he's a bastard, all pragmatic and cruel.

I really enjoyed the montage of treatments, slice of life scenes and construction work to show the passage of time here. There's some nice fanservice in seeing the (probable) moment the Vegaclones were conceived, and Vegapunk leveraging more underworld connections that would have to go back to his MADS days, this time with Storage King Umit. It's cool that all the underworld figures from Big Mom's party keep sticking their heads up to connect corners of the world.

There's some wonderfully nostalgic fanservice seeing all the classic Warlords and a few others reacting Kuma being commissioned into their number. Curious that Doflamingo, proclaimed "champion of evil" sees another miscreant in Kuma, buying into the hype completely. Having been involved in World Government info tampering personally, and setting records straight with his crew on the fall of Flevance, you'd think he'd at least acknowledge the possibility of spin on Kuma's story. I wonder if the apparent interest in another outright bad guy in the crew ever lead Doflamingo to reach out to Kuma. It might explain them turning up to the meeting together back when they were both first introduced.

An Ace appearance is always welcome. We knew he was offered a Warlord spot, but I think it's new info that he toppled one before that. This is a little bit of a lesson in taking spin-off material as fully canon, because like, you'd think that event would warrant at least a mention in Ace's novel or its manga adaptation. You know if they'd waited a few years and done those today the authors would be asking Oda for an original design for the beaten Warlord and making the encounter into at least a small scene if not the whole story, and its absence makes those volumes feel all the more secondary in retrospect.

Jinbe noting the growing political power of the Warlords is also a touch I like. We've known about powerful figures abusing the Warlord system for their own schemes almost as long as we've had One Piece, but I get the sense that the first generation legitimately acted as privateers and over time more and more people with things to hide have forced their way in. The group becomes both more dangerous and harder to control.

It is adorable that Kuma uses Bonney's drawing as his jolly roger. No notes, just a great touch. You can really see how thin his commitment to being a marauder is. Also, is that a bear ear on the side of his ship? Maybe we all figured as far back as Sabaody there would be more layers to Kuma, but I doubt anyone expected him to do something that cute, especially with his imposing first impression.

There is a strange current of speculation online that Kuma has been sent to Windmill Village to deal with Luffy or something similar in the last page. Are we not paying enough attention to see that Kuma is already there when the orders come in. Whatever the Government wants (if the orders matter to the story and aren't an excuse for him to namedrop his location) it doesn't seem to have anything to do with our protagonist. But maybe I shouldn't get too high and mighty - getting orders relating to something on the island he just happens to be stopping at for a resupply or whatever is definitely not too much of a coincidence for Oda, so we'll see next week what the deal with all of this is.

Next week, no matter what, we're somewhere in vol 109, and I think we have to start building up to the climax of this flashback. Right now, it feels like there's something missing for the ending, a factor we don't know about yet. Kuma losing his will wasn't a shocking betrayal, it was a deal he walked into willingly. In fact, it feels like we prettymuch know it all - he spends some time as a Warlord, is made fully into a weapon at the time the Pacifistas are first deployed. Maybe he's able to leverage that final request to defend the Sunny because Bonney had already escaped and the Government was wary of him running off with all that tech and became more pliable to his requests (or Vegapunk liked him enough to go behind his bosses' backs). Mission complete, he's made a slave until the Revolutionaries grab him and run, and we're basically up to the present. It would be anticlimactic to just play all that out in fast forward, so I think Oda's going to work some kind of a stinger in there. Probably something to tie into how and why he's awakened to himself and begun rampaging while the Egghead Arc happens.

Looking forward to colour pages after quite a few chapters without, and for a final surprise gut punch to put the cherry on top of one of the series' darkest and most effective flashbacks.

Read this review and more on my Wordpress.

[laufire]

I've mentioned my annoyance with ~cosy fun uplifting media fans~ more than once or twice (it's not that they like something different than I do, it's that they complain that not everything is written to cater to them!!)... and I'll mention it again.

lately I've been reminded of the times where, see, I like Piece of Media A (POMA). I like it a lot! and I, maybe from a purely personal point of view... think POMA is pretty hopeful, actually? sure, terrible things happen. sure, the characters suffer. sure, there are loses, terrible ones. but there's a core of solid principle through it about ~fighting for a better world (even if its a fight that won't ever end), or something akin to that, that IMO is the opposite of "bleak". all the more because it bothers to acknowledge the real darkness of the world, imo.

there is joy and deep love woven into every inch of POMA, mixed with all the rest. the best and the worst of humanity's potential. and, hey, if you were to compare POMA with some of the Actual Grimdark Media (AGM) around... you'd think you'd HAVE to see the difference?? I sure do!

yet this type of fan (of the "no one could possibly enjoy the sad or fucked up things I don't like, and if they do there must be something fundamentally wrong with them, so fuck them" variety), when faced with POMA... idk. because it doesn't have the characters cracking constant jokes, or fit their version of a happy little family, or what a happily ever after should be in their eyes, or because they suffer FOR REAL, at all, because it's not all cheerful and nice and pleasant and it might even make them uncomfortable for longer than five minutes... because whatever optimism might appear in it it's UGLY and BLOODY and STAINED and NOT PERFECT.... well, POMA is depressing! and bleak! and dark! JUST for kicks! no reason at all! it's... AGM!

meanwhile I, moved to tears because POMA has made me feel something that runs against my default pure cynicism: what.

[thehoneybuzz]

Waking Up with PTSD

You go your entire life suppressing the feelings of panic that come with this disease. My therapist calls PTSD the "granddaddy" of anxiety disorders, and there's undoubtedly something nefariously patriarchal about how it all works. Patriarch, after all, comes from the greek roots - patria meaning family, and arkhēs, meaning ruling. In the context of PTSD, anxiety rules with an iron fist. The kingdom of my mind is governed by it. 

So what do you do? What CAN you do when your brain is programmed to expect the worst and will adapt your thinking to ensure it's correct?

You focus on every little thing except the black hole that lives in your chest, certain that ignoring it will make it better. You live like if you do not acknowledge the fact you were hurt, or abused, or traumatized, it can't grab hold of you. Come to find out that in the act of suppression, you've exacerbated it all the more. 

The only other option you have is to feel the pain, and who could stand that? Who is strong enough to face the reality of injustice, the realities of innocence lost in place of terror? So instead, we seek to contain it - but it's not like jumping on a grenade. It's a hydrogen bomb. You aren't just blown to pieces; you're eviscerated. 

You see - You've compressed the things that make you human inside yourself - the molecular structure of who you are is contained by the ways you've coped with it. Your need for distress manifests in your interests such that they are indistinct from your personality - you climb mountains to feel alive and create risks to feel better. 

That's how nuclear fusion works. It contains the raw material necessary for an explosion. With heat and pressure applied, hydrogen atoms combine. To combine, each element must lose a bit of its mass. I combined who I was with what happened to me, and both became lesser for it. Only the explosion was delayed. 

In physics, the amount of energy created from a fusion reaction equals the amount of mass converted multiplied by the speed of light squared. Familiar, isn't it? E=mc2. So try this calculation on for size - 

If you convert your identity as a person to your status as a victim - how much of your personal "mass" has been lost? 

I can't tell you for sure, but I can show you what it feels like.  

Boom.

You spend your whole life telling yourself that your feelings are invalid. You start to heal, and your first few steps involve recovering what you lost. You look at yourself and realize the way you've been responding to things is not how they really are. You know that, yes, the world was dangerous - but it's not anymore. 

The truth is your brain, chemically, does not know how to operate fully unless it's under duress. So when you wake up on a beautiful Sunday morning with nothing to do, you don't relax - you search for the familiar, and your sick mind is all but happy to provide you an answer - a list of the ways you're failing so you can affirm the world is as awful as you believe it is. That beautiful lump of grey matter that's had to adapt to keep you alive has to learn another way. The process of learning is arduous, the process of un-learning - nearly impossible. 

But you must. 

You acknowledge the truth of what happened, which means making space for some terrible pain. All your life, you've been conditioned to ignore your emotions. Then, you force yourself to acknowledge them. Finally - after months or years - you regain touch with yourself again - you put the puzzle of yourself back together - you know what hurt feels like, but you also know joy - and then the worst realization of all is waiting for you as soon as you untangle yourself from the shame.

And that's the really fucked up thing about PTSD: Not all your feelings are valid. 

You go from one extreme - absolute denial - to the other - radical acceptance. But the majority of your living is done in the grey. I might wake up on a Sunday and feel like I have nothing of value to provide in this world - but it's just not true. Healing means recognizing which feelings are worth consideration and which are echoes of trauma gone by. 

The work is making space for what was while reaching for things as you know they're meant to be.