i am having a time y'all, my brain is chewing on that one fucking sentence like a dog on a bone, so have some hurt/comfort with a nice dose of angst.
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They aren't talking.
It isn't impossible, even with Aziraphale back in heaven and Crowley in his lonely flat in Mayfair—nothing is impossible, not when they're together—and yet that is the problem, isn't it?
They aren't together. They aren't talking. They could.
Crowley thought about it, although there is little else he thinks about these days. Maybe if he had said more, chosen better words, kissed him earlier, run after him, pulled him back—
Maybe then he'd still be here. Maybe then he wouldn't be alone.
It is the emptiness weighing him down, the silence ringing in his ears, and how does he admit to himself that he misses his voice? His soft words, the stretch of his smile, the speeches about Hamlet and book restoration, about newly discovered cafés and ancient dishes long gone.
Aziraphale had lulled him to sleep more times than Crowley could count, a warm blanket wrapping around his curled-up body on the sofa, sprawling and moving, then calmed by his voice.
They aren't talking, and Crowley can't sleep.
He hears him in his dreams whenever he does, but it isn't his voice. It is twisted, warped, wrong, tainted by the acrid burn of bleach on his tongue, the meaning lost in the hollows where emotions should sit.
Days blur into each other, viscous and opaque, molasses trickling through an hourglass.
Sometimes he is scared he will forget how he sounds.
Sometimes he begs and pleads with his own mind to erase every memory of it, every 'I forgive you', every 'we're not friends', every endearment, every single time he said his name.
They aren't talking, and maybe that's for the better.
He said too much again, didn't he? Always talking too much, spilling the wrong secrets held tight to his chest, asking questions no one wants to answer.
So, after weeks of uninterrupted quiet, he simply stops. Crowley's mouth stays shut, his words chewed up and swallowed, and—on unpleasant occasions—thrown up. There are a myriad of things he wants to say, but there is no one left who might be willing to listen, not anymore.
Maybe there had never been someone to begin with.
They aren't talking. The world is about to end.
Aziraphale reaches for his hand, and he lets him, his fingertips cold, his pulse too quick.
"Crowley," he breathes, tender, reverent, a name said simply so it has been spoken, so it is real.
Crowley does not want to talk—not now, not yet, not when he can practically taste blood and ash on his tongue. With a gentle tug, he frees his hand from his grasp and pulls him into a hug instead.
They aren't talking, so he buries his face in the crook of his neck and breathes, holding and being held, and the haunting silence dissipates. Words are superfluous when there is the sound of his heartbeat, his trembling breaths, their clothes rustling as the embrace grows tighter and tighter.
They aren't talking, but they don't need to, not when Aziraphale cups his face and presses their foreheads together, not when Crowley slides his palm around the back of his neck and nudges their lips together just so.
They are talking—every gasp a word, every touch a phrase, every tear an apology and a promise at once.
They are talking, they aren't talking, they still love—violently, desperately—and the world does not end.
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THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU DE FOR LETTING ME INTO THE WARFRAME CREATOR PROGRAM AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
I'm still lost for words over this, this has been a dream come true and I'm so excited oh my god. It is kinda bad timing cause I'm currently drowning in finals with a paper due in a few days I haven't even started yet but like holy shit I can't believe it actually happened
Hopefully I'll be able to play the new update at least a little before I'm gone for a month for winter break, but I'll still try to get some art out once things settle down and I can relax for a millisecond but again thank you so so much DE this means so much to me <3
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