#I also didn't quite realise it would be that much when I planned the holiday lmao

[thesoundofsnowfallingfromeaves]

i got up at 2am (less than 4h of sleep RIP), its currently 8pm in my own timezone (10 where I'm now) and I still just did my russian homework AND yoga, I am truly god. and now, SLEEEEEEEP.

[mazeinthemiroh]

hihi!! in honor of the upcoming holiday season could i request a skz reaction to you inviting them to meet ur parents? i miss them :((

stray kids when their s/o invites them to meet their parents

genre: fluff

word count: 0.8k

warnings: none

pls like and reblog if you enjoyed! feel free to request anything <3

bangchan

chan is so nervous but like... why? he's literally the best guy on the planet to introduce your parents to. he is well-behaved, respectable, responsible, admirable and he has extreme amounts of overflowing charisma. mothers love him. fathers respect him. what's not to love? but we know channie, and channie gets himself worked up about these sorts of things. which is only natural; it is a big deal! he just wants to make a great first impression and, of course, he does. you know he has nothing to worry about because your parents would love him regardless.

lee know

minho has a... spikey personality. not everyone gets him. but he knows which bits of himself to show off in order to make a good first impression. like most introverts, they'll show off their best qualities first so that you warm up to them and then once you're invested in them then they'll start showing their weird-ass personality in full swing. that's what minho plans on doing with your parents, just as he did you 🤧🤧 so romantic. honestly though, it works like a charm. minho is naturally charming and respectable no matter how crazy he is on the inside <3333

changbin

oh my gosh when i tell you that all mothers absolutely ADORE changbin. are we even surprised? nope, i didn't think so. he makes a very good first impression no matter who he speaks to, so meeting your parents is like a walk in the park for him. he will totally bring some homemade snacks with him he got felix to make them, but your parents don't need to know that, which seems to impress them. overall, changbin is just amazing. he knows what is appropriate to say and what isn't, and he makes both your parents laugh a lot! he's just so easy to love.

hyunjin

he's nervous for sure but also pretty damn excited. needs a whole-ass month to mentally and emotionally prepare for this experience. hyunjin's very first instinct is to get your parents flowers and chocolates, which is a very good start. when it comes to actually interacting with them, he might be his shy, cute self to begin with, but they can tell he is eager to talk to them. and after a couple of conversational cues, hyunjin will slowly start to loosen up and be comfortable with your parents. it goes really well, and he realises he had nothing to worry about!

han

he just embraces the situation as much as possible. he views it as kind of a big deal but he doesn't let nerves get the better of him, so he wants to enjoy the first time meeting your parents as much as possible. sure, he has butterflies about it, but he doesn't really let that affect him and potentially spoil the moment. he strives to make an enjoyable atmosphere and actively makes your parents laugh as much as possible. it's always good at being humorous with parents, he finds. so copes quite well!

felix

is a nervous wreck. will ask you a tone of questions beforehand. it's like he has to know everything about your parents before he has even met them. "what's your mother's maiden name?" "what does your dad do as a job?" "are there any topics to stay away from? politics? religion? the barbie movie coming out in 2023??" he literally interrogates you like he NEEDS to know everything. he wants to be perfect and know how to act perfect even though he literally IS perfect and doesn't even need to change anything about himself in order to be liked.

seungmin

a tad scared but plays it cool. you know what he's like; he'll pretend that everything is chill and fine even if he's freaking out on the inside. he has nothing to worry about because your parents get to see what a polite, genuine young lad he is and can see he's trustworthy just by his general demeanour and the way he treats you. at the end of the day, who isn't gonna like kim seungmin?? exactly. he leaves your parents' house feeling refreshed and welcomed into the family. a success indeed!

jeongin

oh bless him... he's super intimidated. he stays up all night, restlessly trying to prepare and run through different conversations to have with your parents. he doesn't want to come across as shy or, heaven forbid, anti-social. but when the occasion comes to it, he only speaks when he is spoken to and is very to himself. i feel like after a bit of encouragement from you, he will slowly relax a bit and feel more comfortable to talk more directly and meaningfully with your parents. just give him time and he'll be fine.

[mycupofrum]

imagine if you will, a world where drarry and prongsfoot are happening. together. At the same time🤯

Ooh, that would be quite a world! Thanks for the interesting ask, anon! But to be honest, I have a hard time thinking of Drarry and Prongsfoot in the same world at the same time, and I don't exactly know if I have a reason for that. They just exist in different spaces in my mind. Also while I have read fanfics of them at any age, I still prefer both pairings as adults. 

But IF there was a universe where both pairings happened at the same time, maybe it would be James and Sirius in their 30s and Harry and Draco as teenagers. I'll just look at it from this perspective. 

In a world where Voldemort died during the first war, James and Lily eventually realise they're not good for each other anymore and break up. It's very sad but it needs to happen so they can both be happier.  

Harry is a teenager going through stuff like why is Draco bloody Malfoy's stupid blond hair so shiny in the sunshine and stupid pale face so gleeful when he taunts him about his parents' divorce during a Quidditch game. This goes on for the first half of his fifth year. 

When Harry returns home for the Christmas holidays, it's not just one but two homes now. Lily got the house in the divorce and James moved back to his childhood home. (Fleamont and Euphemia sadly passed away some years ago.)  

Harry makes a surprise visit to his dad's place, and James who is reading a newspaper in a bathrobe in the kitchen stands up fast and spills his tea on the floor, but greets Harry happily, saying he didn't realise Harry was coming over since they had planned for a family dinner at Lily's later. Why is his dad so red in the face? Harry doesn't get it. 

That's when his godfather enters the kitchen also wearing a bathrobe and woah, his long black hair still wet and hairy chest peeking through the slightly open robe make him quite a sight for the sore eye. Harry gets why people find him hot. (Wait what? No, not hot. Just his godfather. Just Sirius. Just. Sirius. Wait, why did he have a shower at his dad's place in the middle of the day? And so apparently did his dad. Nevermind. They're like brothers anyway. Who cares what they did to need a shower. Showers. Two separate showers, right? Right??) 

Harry shrugs it off and starts telling about his school term, and teachers, and Ron and Hermione arguing over stupid things when they really like each other, and Malfoy being the biggest git in the world with his stupid comments and pompous robes when he's not wearing school robes and stupid attitude and stupid bloody grey eyes that look almost silver in the moonlight. Yeah, Harry noticed that when they had an Astronomy class late at night. How could he not? Whatever. 

James and Sirius listen to his rant and share a strange, knowing look between each other, which Harry doesn't quite understand. James says that they need to have a talk at some point. 

Harry finds out during Christmas break that James and Sirius are dating, and his brain short circuits. Yes, he was aware that blokes can date blokes and girls can date girls, but he didn't think that his dad and Sirius would be doing that if they also like women. That's possible, too? What? 

Also, why are they asking Harry questions about Malfoy? What do they mean there might be a reason Harry talks about him all the time? Surely not all the time. And there's no other reason for Harry to complain about Malfoy except that Malfoy annoys him *so much.* He's the biggest prat there ever was. That's all. His dad and Sirius are just throwing disgustingly sweet lovey-dovey eyes at each other and now they think Harry feels something like that for Sirius's distant cousin too. Ugh. Yeah, right.  

Spring term comes, and Malfoy makes a remark about Daddy Potter and Black dating. (The rumours spread so fast!) So that's why Harry's father left his mum, for another man. (Harry's not supposed to know but he overheard at some point that it was really his mum who suggested the divorce. But Malfoy doesn't need to know that.) Maybe Harry takes after his father and that's why he can't find a girlfriend? 

Harry is seething with anger and wants to punch Malfoy. But he thinks maybe it's better to call out Malfoy on his homophobic bullshit. ("Scared of kissing blokes, Malfoy?") Harry thinks Malfoy will back down like he usually does when things get too real. But Malfoy just stares at Harry with a strange gleam in his eyes. ("Care to find out, Potter?") 

Harry really doesn't mean to take another step closer to Malfoy. Or to call out Malfoy's bluff, which doesn't turn out to be a bluff at all. Their lips meet and suddenly he forgets about everything else, because wait, woah, what, why does this feel so nice? He doesn't mean for the kiss to keep going. Or for them to end up in a broom cupboard. Snogging. He's snogging bloody Malfoy. He definitely doesn't mean to moan and finally run his hand through Malfoy's stupid blond hair, which feels really nice and soft to the touch. 

At the end of fifth year, Harry returns home and informs everyone that his boyfriend will be visiting him during the summer. Maybe just at his mum's place at first, because the shit eating grins on James and Sirius's faces don't really promise anything good for Malfoy. He'll be having the Marauders' Talk first before they can relax and let him date Harry with good conscience. ("If you ever hurt Harry on purpose, you will hear from us. And so will your Mother." The fear of Narcissa meddling in Draco's love life will for sure keep him in check.) 

[cheegu3]

Could you do what bully! Yandere treasure would do for Valentine’s Day? :)

I'm sorry it's very late ;-;

tw / trigger warning: yandere themes, alcohol, lovebombing?, bullying, swearing, slapping, non-con kissing, nicknames, possessiveness

pc: tokkiusu, bearjxdn, i4jhoon, littleshxt, k9llsn, haruluv, rutovie, vsteric, yaimufu

bully!Treasure - what they’d do for valentines

Hyunsuk

He wouldn't want to do anything big, preferring to keep it lowkey with a date for you two.

Maybe Hyunsuk would give you flowers afterwards if you had behaved especially good during the past week, but nothing more than that. He didn't care too much for holidays and only wanted to mix it up for fun since you spent most of your days together.

If you had been bratty then he'd be overbearingly affectionate on Valentine's because he knew you hated it. He'd force you to stay by him, glued to his side all day and if you left him he'd punish you in front of everyone.

'' Baby, where did you go? ''

His sickeningly sweet voice came from right outside the classroom you were hiding in. If you didn't know any better, you'd think he was actually in a playful and cute mood and just wanted you to come cuddle with him.

But even with his amazing manipulation tricks, he couldn't stop himself from letting his sadistic side shine through as he realised you wanted to play a cat and mouse game.

And once he catches you, there would be no more fake sweetness from his side, only hell.

Jihoon

He would try not to show it but he was actually very excited. Valentine's was a pretty big deal to him.

It was one of the only days he didn't feel too embarrassed to show his affection openly - or well as openly as he felt like he needed to.

He still felt very awkward about showing it, so he wouldn't buy you anything. A lot of quality time would happen instead of physical love language or words of affirmation. Although I guess him hurting you was a way of him showing love.

He hoped you'd see that by doing small things like going out for a walk while he held your hand painfully tight - that he did actually love you underneath that cold shell he always showed you.

'' Do you know what day it is today? ''

You jumped slightly as your bully had crept up on you without making a sound. That was a creepy thing you'd probably never get used to.

'' Uh...no? '' you avoided his gaze as your heart-rate picked up.

You were scared you had forgotten something special that would make him super mad, you never knew what new thing could set Jihoon off.

But he gave you a small smile, surprisingly.

'' It's valentine's, I'm taking you out today ''

Yoshi

Similarly to Jihoon he felt quite shy when it came to expressing affection and his love to you.

However when he did, it was always really sweet and gentle. He'd buy balloons and a cake that would await you as you got home, paired with a big grin on his face because he had waited all day for your reaction.

You were terrified but also a bit surprised thinking he wouldn't do anything big. Besides, you had no idea he liked you.

The biggest question was however - how did he know where you lived?

Yoshi would continue to spoil you as the day went on, much to your dismay as he ignored you being uncomfortable.

'' Do you like it? ''

He stepped back, letting you come into the kitchen where various pink and red valentine's day decorations were scattered around.

It was cheesy and would've been cute if it was someone you genuinely liked and not someone who seemed to be the biggest two-faced bitch you'd ever seen - making your life a living hell in school but being sweet behind closed doors once a year.

'' I do '' your face broke into a grimace, trying to make it seem like you were happy.

If you didn't, then maybe you'd anger him and the same scenes from school would repeat itself.

Junkyu

He was over the moon about this special day - having spent about a month planning everything so it would be the happiest day of the year for you.

It would start right away as you'd wake up with him making you breakfast in bed and waking you up while peppering your face with kisses.

He had started doing that - coming over to your house to spend time with you, clinging to your side like a little puppy and bullying you whenever you upset him.

After that he'd let you shower and get ready while he prepared the gifts. It was a love shaped chocolate box and a bouquet of flowers but he had also bought a moisturiser you had wished for.

When you would come out, he would take pictures of you and then you'd take some together. Then he would force you to hold hands with him as you two walked to school; looking like a loving couple.

'' I love you so much, y/n. If you only knew...'' your boyfriend mumbled sleepily at the end of the day.

He had been getting more incoherent and sleepy for the past ten minutes, the alcohol catching up to him as the day was close to its end.

You had seen him drunk before but it never failed to make you feel uncomfortable, his lovesick confessions making you feel suffocated.

'' I would do anything for you ''

'' It hurt so much - to love someone like this ''

'' You will always be mine '' he finally said before his head dropped and he fell asleep.

Jaehyuk

He knew it was valentine's but it would get treated like any other day. Which meant that even if you were nice to him, he'd generally be an asshole to you.

Today was no different. It started right as you walked into the classroom, the classic hair-pulling and nicknames.

He wouldn't give you anything so it was best not to expect too much. After all, he couldn't risk you getting too full of yourself.

And he certainly wouldn't take you out where other people could stare at what was his.

Behave by doing exactly what he did - treating it like a normal day and maybe he'd be a tiny bit nicer the next day.

'' Ah, there you are ''

You sped up as you heard the familiar voice behind you. The bell had rung for lunch and you were planning on running to your favourite spot to eat and read like you always did; finally getting some peace and quiet.

Unfortunately, his eyes never left you when you were in school so he followed you out.

'' You were gonna ditch me? '' he clicked his tongue dissatisfiedly.

'' Guess I'll have to punish you for that ''

Asahi

You'd have no idea that all this time, Asahi actually liked you. The harder he fell, the harder he'd hit you.

He wasn't sure why. It just felt like you would've rejected him no matter if he was nice to you in the beginning. So instead he took it out on you - it was unfair that you would reject him in his mind, so you got punished for it.

Even as Valentine's approached, you were oblivious to his burning love for you. As each day of torture would end, he stalked you. Daydreaming in his head about what you two could've been was a must for him, every single day without fail.

Imagine how much his blood boiled as he followed you home on Valentine's and saw you had a date. A tall and handsome man, way better than Asahi himself - the type that he would imagine you were attracted to, and the reason he felt too insecure to approach you.

It felt like a slap in the face when he was right. He clutched his fists to his sides and could only watch as you got into the mystery man's car.

'' You little bitch '' your bully was shaking with anger.

Good luck on surviving your next day at school.

Doyoung

He was extremely possessive over you and although he was your bully, you were aware of that fact.

During this day your bully would watch you even closer than usual, if that was even possible; stalking around you like a hawk but never being right by you.

It was a game to him, seeing who dared talk to you or give you chocolates and roses. And then, even though it wasn't your fault, he would punish you for it.

'' Come with me, darling ''

You released a shaky breath, hands fiddling with each other as you obeyed and followed him.

He slapped you over and over behind the school. Laughing mockingly any time you fell down and scraped your knees bloody.

The end goal was for you to cry, because then you'd beg for mercy and Doyoung could kiss you like he had wanted to do all day.

It was a possessive kiss, one that always reminded you of the fact that you belonged to this monster.

Haruto

He'd be a mix of Doyoung and Asahi - it meant that he was meaner on Valentine's because he felt too embarrassed to make you his, but somehow you knew he liked you.

He made it painfully obvious by the fact that he hurt those that flirted with you or asked you out. That wouldn't have made sense if he was simply just a normal bully.

But it seemed almost painful to him that he knew other guys found you attractive. Unlike Doyoung, as much as he liked punishing you; you weren't hit for other guys confessing or giving you gifts, you were however punished if you kept them.

He'd creep in the background, tongue poking the inside of his cheek as he watched you load the gifts up into your locker.

'' Are you sure about that? '' he asked, arms crossing each other over his chest.

You bit your lip to repress anger from making you act out. One of the gifts was from your crush, and you had been very happy to get it.

Of course your bully had to ruin any fun for you. Upon hearing his dissatisfied comment, your hand moved over the trashcan next to your locker and you released your hold on the gifts, watching as they dropped with a pained expression on your face.

Jeongwoo

He was super excited but since he was always so mean to you at school, he felt quite puzzled about how to go about this day.

Maybe it would look natural if he disguised it as a punishment; saying that you had been annoying him lately so he was going to hang out with you after school for the first time.

Jeongwoo would have this whole day planned. He'd take you to an amusement park and although he knew you wouldn't enjoy it, since it was with your bully and because he had disguised it as one of his bullying tactics - he'd still treat you nicer than usual, surprising you.

You'd stare at your bully with wide eyes as he grinned at you while handing you a hairband, one of the amusement park's signature things.

'' What is this for? '' you asked, brows furrowed as you cautiously watched him when he put it on.

'' For pictures dummy, have you never been to an amusement park before? '' he asked, eyes sparkling with love that went unnoticed to you.

You just obeyed him, putting on the headband with no further questions and posing for the pictures like he had asked you to, unaware that your bully was in love with you and not trying to embarrass you like you thought.

Junghwan

He felt very awkward about the whole thing. Not being much of a romantic person himself - he could only watch and scoff as you gladly accepted any chocolates you received during the day.

Maybe he'd slap you for it later but for now it was just something funny for Junghwan to watch. All these people, thinking they could have what was his - it was only amusing to him.

Of course he wouldn't let his true feelings be known to you during Valentine's but he could still bully you for thinking you could really date any of those people that had approached you.

He crushed your self confidence afterwards - outright stepped on it until there was barely any left. Ruining your things while laughing manically and reasoned with himself after that it didn't really mean anything, you deserved it all.

'' Y/n, where did you go? ''

You hummed towards you bully, feeling high from all the love you had just received which made you less scared of your bully than usual.

You were sure nothing he'd say now could ruin your mood, no matter how bad - but he always proved you wrong, of course.

'' Let's go to an empty classroom, hm? '' he added, eyes glaring at the smile on your face.

[councillor-roland]

@rhysdasior

It had gone on long enough. Roland had cut things off with Rhys just before Halloween and had spent the next couple of months (two whole months) largely suffering and agonizing over the decision he needed to make. At first, he'd fooled himself into thinking that if he just got through the initial withdrawal period he'd realise those feelings he thought he had were just familiarity. That hadn't been the case since even after a month of literally no contact with Rhys (the first week of unanswered texts had nearly driven him mad, he'd had to lock up his phone) he still found himself missing him terribly. That left the difficult wrestling with his fears and his feelings over the subsequent month. No matter how he tried to avoid it or drown it out with any number of slaves or other distractions, those concerns nagged at him. Yes, he loved Rhys, he could admit that now, as terrifying as it was. Rhys was also mortal which meant that loving Rhys would, eventually, lead to losing Rhys which was the hang up that kept him away for that entire month. How could he do it again, after Alix? Would it be better if he knew it was coming, if he could prepare himself? Ultimately, he'd finally come to the conclusion that since he already loved Rhys, staying away from him while he lived was only hurting them and he'd already put them through two months of it. He didn't want to waste anymore time. That decision reached, Roland realised there was still much to do where Rhys was concerned. Two months of complete silence had likely not been taken well so now the task was to start making it up to Rhys and winning him back.

What better time to start than Christmas?

Gifts were already built into the holiday and gifts would surely be needed. It was difficult to woo someone without them. Seduction could be done without gifts, certainly, but wooing was entirely different and Roland had no doubt Rhys would have to be wooed at least a little if not a lot. Christmas and the festivities happening at Krovs also meant that Roland was dressed impeccably in a festive but flattering and very expensive green suit. There were carriage rides and a lovely little market set up in the park where they had often taken their evening walks so if all went well with this first gift hopefully Roland could coax Rhys into walking with him there. Rhys would have been proud of the planning he'd put into this, Roland was sure.

All that remained was the witch in question and it wasn't difficult for a vampire such as himself to find him. The gift was rather large but nicely wrapped and he smiled, just slightly, when he caught Rhys' attention. "Hello." It was quiet, not quite sheepish but certainly not as exuberant as his greetings normally were. Roland figured he needed to be somewhat humble here though he couldn't help but greedily drink in the sight of him. How had he possibly gone two months without it? "I realise that my sudden disappearance requires an explanation and an apology, likely several apologies, so I thought I'd begin with this as the first one." He offered the package. "Joyeux Noel. I hope you like it and will give me a chance to offer that explanation if you accept it."

[deadboyfriendd]

hello, i hope you are well and that the holidays are treating you gently! in response to an ask i sent in earlier and you talked about cochise and your inspo being blood meridian:

firstly apologies for the length of this reply! OMG!!! wow thank you so much for this incredibly thoughtful answer and yes ofc i would love to talk to you about writing or anything else anytime!! i haven't read blood meridian but i've heard lots of good things about it, i just tend to get squeemish at graphic violence but i'm willing to give it a go to see how the original work, as well as your derivative (i mean that as a compliment) work handle violence and keep it from being simple shock value and mean something in your respective stories. i also haven't read cochise but something tells me i should do my homework. in any case, excited to analyse violence! you mentioned that stone gothic helped you establish the kind of narratives you're interested in and i'm excited to see how you develop and build on the tones and structures you excelled in in that fic!

it's also interesting that you're designing a reader character who sounds quite different from ones you wrote before, naive and cloudy doesn't sound the same as one who realises they just have to keep going on, and that's honestly really brave of you! stone gothic reader sounds similar but hallmark and the 50 first dates girl sound more in line with another sort of fmc. lots of writers tend to write a specific sort of character and it's not necessarily a bad thing, why fix something that ain't broke/write what you know, etc etc, but i am excited to see how you face that challenge on!

I also like the idea that both of them bring some sort of change out to each other. i really really love the line you brought up, "i will not know gentleness in the way i love you". it's very beautiful, i went and re read the letters until i found it and it touched me in a new way. firstly, thank you for talking about your inspirations, that's always great to hear from any artist and it's amazing how much art inspires other art and takes themes and ideas and reshapes them for new stories and purposes! that line is so good and i deeply love the concept of love as softening, of melting, of turning someone who has seen a lot and reminds them of the gentleness that still exists in the world. but the inverse of that that you're planning, of a reader who becomes stronger, more practical, a little more aware of what's going around her, is also a new and exciting thing to think about love! a lot of people, me included, think about love the first way! one of the first qualities i'd want any partner of mine to have is gentle, kind, soft, but the idea that love can also be expressed in making you "harder", stronger, more smarter, worldly, just, i guess more capable? is interesting! its especially interesting because i think it relates somewhat to how a lot of first generation immigrants i think conceptualise love, including my parents, which funnily enough, in certain aspects i show you can explain the western frontier (it's not a one to one match. but. certain aspects, especially since many cowboys were people of colour.). for my mom, for eg, loving my dad was largely an endeavor of mutual success in a new country. their love was made of shoveling snow and breaking ice and living with people they didn't really understand and a lot of that meant becoming smarter and quicker on their feet, and sure they're gentle and nice, but there's also a lot of bonding that happens when you're both working and moving together in a world that's out to get you, and that's an interesting way to make the romance actively part of her character growth, and imbues it with a sense of theme instead of another plot point for the sake of it.

as for the garrison mentality, lmaoooo i do sort of love when nature is seen as a great terrifying unknowable thing and omg!! doc hollidays' last words being "well, i'll be damned" as he went onto the gentle goodnight when he he was sure he'd die a violent death is both ironic and i think, idk if you mean to make it as one, but a very juicy character trait to deal with in a romance. someone who is very sure that they will perish to the forces of destiny and feel a sense of inevitable destiny about it bc of the things they've seen, and instead be actively surprised by the gentleness of their end or the overall tenderness that still exists in the world, is all very delicious, and a complex i absolutely adore. the world can be cruel and evil and chaotic but it can be just as tender and good and soft if we really look for it, especially if we see it in the faces of the people we love! i am also very curious to see if there will be some pedestal-putting of reader at the hands of steve as you mentioned that she is running away from something that steve hasn't really considered a dark past of her own....wondering how he might react when he finds out this person he saw no violence in may have some blood in their path at all and the kind of toll that it could take....all in all incredibly excited to see whatever you're cooking with and it's obvious that there's some real heat in your kitchen!

my apologies for the essay in your askbox, i just found your answer to my original director's cut question so interesting and it's always fun connecting with people and asking them to discuss their art! also, i talked a bit about things in your answer that interested me and how i thought they'd play out, i hope it goes without saying that whatever you decide to do in your story is the right thing to do, especially on a free platform, and any speculation on my part is just excitement and curiosity of a project that sounds interesting and has a very clear passion behind it, which is always something to admire! death of the author and all that is fine, but i believe toni morrison more when she says reading is an act done by writers and readers together! again, hope you're doing good, and excited for bisbee, friend! much love <3 :) !!!

Hi! Sorry I'm just now getting back!

I will say Blood Meridian is VERY graphic and very sudden with the violent onslaught of violent events. If you are squeamish I would avoid reading it to be completely honest, for the sake of readability, historical accuracy, and the general appeal to audience that my readers are, I'm not going to write in several events even remotely adjacent to Blood Meridian in Bisbee. The violence that I do write in is going to be more easily palatable and necessary for character development. Stone Gothic really helped me develop that melodramatic tone and how I can write in a love story with debilitating hurdles. I ended up falling in love with this form of writing and have written it in several different fics: SITG, The bisbee and Cochise Universes, and a lot of my WIPs. I think Bisbee's reader's downfall is ultimately naive, yet is using that personal to ultimately mask the fact that she is painfully self aware. It has been really helpful to me so far to pull pieces from my other characters- who ultimately contain pieces of me- and stitch them together to create a different worldview.

I think a really big part of it so far is that writing has, like a lot of other people on this platform, held some sort of catharsis for me. It is a way for me to write out and process things and understand that, even though I'm hard to love, I'm not impossible to love. The Stains in the Granite reader really helped me through that. The house had such a big part in the actual fic because the street was based off of my childhood home and the house I grew up in! I actually lived down the street from a Dr. Cullen who was a dentist and had yellow show-quality labs! The SITG reader helped me find that part of myself that I knew was mean and helped me process that, even though I am not an internet personality with a shining smile like Disney on ice, that I am a real person that is worthy of being loved. My Nellie reader was how I was learning to process major grief as an adult and trying to navigate those feelings for the first time in my life. It helped me metabolize and marinate in those feelings of losing a loved one, losing a past version of yourself, or losing grip on who you thought you were. Nellie is gritty and forward like I am. She is learning how to heal alongside Eddie. The same is going to go for this Elsie character, my reader from Bisbee. She is loud and obnoxious, she pushes steve a little too far, she is naive, and she is ballsy. She is also carrying the baggage of a past life and a past lover.

I am a firm believer that you are a culmination of everyone you have ever met, and the boys in my fics are merely catalysts for change within my readers. I still listen to Valentines Sux by the frights every valentines day because my ex-best-friend and I did it once and drove around town in heart shaped sunglasses and ate shitty chinese food because we thought we were unloveable but at least we had each other. I wear turqoise and paint cactus landscapes because my grammy fell in love with the desert and let us love it, too. I got into the habit of documenting and photographing even the most mundane things in my life to accomodate my best friend who lives across the country. My readers are shining examples of the way we carry pieces on everyone we have ever met like stones in a suitcase.

I can also relate to conceptualizing love through stories of immigration. My grandfather was a Finnish immigrant who joined the US air force, got stationed at the Clark military base in the Philippines, and then met my grandmother! I didn't know my grandfather very well as he died when I was so young, but seeing how that love manifested itself into met needs is so much different than the way Mr. Flea and I love each other or the way my mom and dad love each other. My grandmother is a very cold person, however, she shows love by means of met necessities. She will make sure you are clothed and fed, make sure you are still in school, make sure you are disciplined and poised and polite- but she will not tell you she loves you. My mother was raised coldly this way, and my dad was a child of divorce, born to teen parents in the 70s. My parents conceptualization of love was also not outward, and oftentimes expressed as frustration or overbearing guardianship, yet we were fed and we were clothed and we figured out how to not kill each other together. However, Mr. Flea was also a child of divorce born to teen parents, though his mom his very outwardly affectionate and he is, too. It's really interesting to me to see how our environments really affected the way we love each other and how we had to learn to heal and navigate each other in the six years we've been together, and the four we've lived together. I was 16 when I met him, after all! One of my favorite examples of this is my grammy, on my paternal side. She was one of many children, her father died of complications of Polio later in his life- when she was 13. She doesn't remember him much, but she did know that he was a talented and published author. He wrote westerns! We were able to get our hands on a collection of recounting he had from the family. My grammy and I read through every page and laughed and cried together 1.) because our diction and humor has been so overtly passed down through generations like stamps and 2.) you could tell that he loved his family by the way he wrote, not by the way he showed it.

[notesonartistry]

Can you please write one lengthy post about your experience in eras tour? I am from Asia and won't be able to travel to another country to see eras tour. I have seen plenty of live streams but would really love to hear your experience their in the stadium. There are things not captured in live stream that I would love to know and even those captured in live streams I bet are different when experiencing it live.

Anon! I'm so sorry this has taken ages! I'm not sure if here was anything in particular you were thinking about, but feel free to let me know if I don't mention something that you're interested in.

So, to avoid the merch queues and to save carrying a bag with me, I went on the Thursday. I had to queue for about 45 minutes, but I didn't have anything else planned so it was stress-free (except for being a little warm!).

On the Friday, I didn't have a ticket, but I decided to go down to the stadium and leech the wifi to see if I could pick something up. Luckily, I managed to get a ticket from some lovely ladies about 20 mins before Taylor went on! I literally got to my seat as Applause was starting so I missed the support acts. I was in Floor F, on the aisle closest to the lower level seating. That meant I had a bit of space to move to get good angles to keep an eye on Taylor and also meant that I saw Erika going past a couple of times.

I can't really think of much from that night that was different from what I expected, other than the feeling and noise when she did the surprise songs. Oh, and the excitement when we realised she was staying out to do Long Live - that was a moment! I'm pretty sure I screamed "She's doing Long Live!!!" at the person next to me. They'd been checking the setlist as we went and didn't know quite a few songs, so I'm not sure they were quite as excited as I was, lol. I'm not sure if it was related to the fact that I couldn't quite believe I'd got a last minute ticket, or if it was just the magnitude of the show, but it was all quite overwhelming and being on floor, I kept having to dodge and move and stand on my tip-toes to see (5'4" problems!").

It was really cool to have a higher up view (from the 300's) on the Saturday to see more of the stage production - it's absolutely spectacular! I also saw Gracie and Muna that night. They were both really good, but I need to especially mention Muna's energetic running around the stage - it was highly entertaining! I actually went to Gracie's acoustic set in a local record store in the afternoon, so it was really cool to see the contrast between that tiny venue and the massive Eras show. A tiny thing that I really enjoyed during that show was being able to see the little red markers Taylor had to hit during Delicate so that the cracks appeared correctly - she didn't always take a direct route to them! Again, the response to the surprise songs, especially Back to December, was a whole body experience. The other thing that happened that night was her laughing during Bejeweled - it was very cute (I'm sure you've seen a video by now).

Please do let me know if I missed something you were interested in and sorry again this took so long. I've been on holiday and couldn't get settled to write it!

[di0rkisses]

manifesting journey

I'm going to update this weekly (if I can), I'll be revising my df and listening to subs for my df and tell you my results! This is just a little diary to see my results but i think it could be helpful to others.

"past " i was super insecure after the age of 8 to the point i was really suicidal (there 's more to it but id rather not share ) until their was covid which really hit me , i suffered wid depression and was still insecure, last year i found my purpose/will to live but i feel that my appearance is preventing me.

START ( 1 may): (honestly, i have always had my desired face so there's no need for me to do this but imma tell u my mini journey anyways 😉)

I've set my face as my lockscreen and my side profile as my home screen , I've been listening to subliminal instead of music and I can't lie when I went to the bathroom today I looked like 10% of my df already I'm not even joking .

plan : imma be revising every morning and night, I'll persist then I trust the universe and I'll let the universe do its thing

(7may ): so like ive been bare busy so I haven't been able to stick to what I want to do however I have been listening to subliminal,

ive noticed that i do look a bit different , my skin looks like its clearing up and I noticed I have attracted people and money without realising .

imma try and stick to what i wanted to do !!

(14 may) : i haven't been quite consistent cus I'm a busy girl but I have been listening to subliminal. Plus I also affirm random times lol .

What I have realised whenever I look at my reflections I find my features so pretty! Last night i had a dream where i saw myself as my df but with colour (i set my lock screen as black and white ) ? Additionally i kept remembering a dream i had ages ago of my df (at that time i didnt even know what my df would look like woah) basically i was with my friend (who i recently got close with ) and everyone was complimenting me or something . crazy my dreams probably giving me a sign. I also asked for a sign and as a sign to see butterflies and last week i saw like 4 butterflies and saw constant angel numbers . Also i always affirm that i have clear skin and whenever i use something my hair grows 20x more and woah my skin has been getting clearer that my parents noticed it and people keep telling my hair grew longer !!!???? I'm going to try to manifest my df in 3days or less and ill update you on may 21 . I'll try make time for me to revise my df .

27 may : school was in the way and now its half term so imma start manifesting if not imma kms atp.

alr alr update (jun 20) i wanna be honest !! i havent been revising due to a busy schedule but i freed up sooooo much time so i defo would get stuff done. i set my lockscreen as my df and my side profile for home screen and like I'm trying to affirm and listen to subs as much as possible (this not necessary) so far not much difference but i feel my face morphing and l i look already 5% of my df , I'm hoping to revise my df at least before summer finished ! my nose is starting to form and so are my eyes , my face is a bit more rounder and my lips are definitely getting bigger and to shape the biggest change i noticed (my mum pointed it , i didn't even realise!) is my eyebrows , they gotten darker and thicker just like my df crazy ! 12 july

I've been BUSY! However, I've gotten my life together so i have plenty of time to revise now and summer holiday is in a week so i have more time. Right now, my main focus is going to be my df. i

mini update: I changed a bit of my df and i have been listening to subs when i can't be bothered (not a lot of times :/ ) and i randomly affirm throughout the day , i see angel numbers CONSTANTLY. From what i see, i always feel like i look different, my eyes look a bit bigger and more upturned, my nose looks like its forming, my lips are definitely bigger.

last night i also had a dream of me looking in a mirror with my df !! half of my dreams always end up happening in real life .

Tiny update (26 juy) : ITZ FINALLY SUMMERHOLIDAYS . so i listen to music when doing anything. I have replaced music with subliminal and will set dedicated time each day to revise.

if you see i havent updated this after september/november i probably have kms <3

It's already been 2 months but manifesting is was never like my first priority that's why it seems like its taken long , but i do look a bit different from the tiny things i have been doing.

LAST UPDATE: (25 aug)

ok. it's coming towards the end of summer and omgollygawd hehehhehsgahjsdhgxj i legit have my desired face!!! What the ACC fawk , I'm literally so pretty !! I am so overwhelmingly happy, i got my desired face finally !!!!!!!!! my features literally morphed into my desired face :D

[wearingaberetinparis]

123 students on a trip?!😱😱😱

How do you teachers manage it?! I must admit that I myself was a mischief maker in school...😬

You must be a really patient person to manage all these students...

How do you manage to write while planning something like this?! I saw that you were planning to update a story today... How do you make time available for everything?!

I know! It sounds like a daunting prospect, does it not? I know a lot of people - fellow teachers included - who find it quite stressful. For me, weirdly enough, it's not so much. I've planned everything, I've booked all events/activities (including a trip to the Harry Potter Studio Tour, which is self-indulgent as well as fun for them) and I know I've done all I could to make it a successful trip. Everything on the trip itself... that is where we have to improvise, where I will work my hardest to make everyone feel happy, safe and comfortable. I think it's an odd juxtaposition: I always want to have control, but I am completely at ease relinquishing some of it when I'm on a trip with my students. There is only so much you can control, after all, when you're with your pupils. They surprise you all the time - in good ways and sometimes bad! (Also, seeing as I adore The Marauders, I think you can guess that I have a soft spot for those who make merry mischief.) But I am patient, I think. Just before the holiday, the students had to complete surveys about their teachers and I scored a near perfect score when it came to patience. (A huge compliment, I find!) But how do I write while doing all of this? I think I've learned in the past year that I need to make time for myself. I didn't for a long time for a myriad of reasons: my mum's passing, my grief, my worries over my family/friends, my studies, my first job as a teacher and then being asked to join school management... but I am in a much more healthy and stable place (mentally) now that I do again. There are so many stories in my mind, so many bits of dialogue... they just need to get out. So, when I finish work for the day - and this can be early or late evening - I will always write something. It can be just one or two paragraphs, sometimes it's a 1000 words or more. I think I've just come to the realisation that I'm my happiest self when I do.

So, yeah... yesterday I worked really hard all day, but I did that knowing that I would have time to write today! And... yeah... now back to no body, no crime. Sorry to bore you with my life's story perhaps. Whoops!

[fishoutofwaterlikeabird]

3..2..1..

How to start a recap that's a 87 days late. What a year 2023 was. For me it was filled with watching my son grow up. He turned one and is consistently learning new things every day. He learned to walk right around when he turned one. He is now running around climbing onto everything and copying/wanting to do everything we do. I ran another marathon with my mate Tag and a few other new friends. I also managed to squeeze in 1,250 plus miles on the year. Racking up a lot during the summer time.

(annual new years day friend walk)

I think the biggest thing that happened in 2023 was I took a new career job. In 2022 after roughly over a year break from working in the school system I went back. I thought I wanted to try something new, but I realised with a little one at home getting off in the earlier afternoon and having major holidays and summers off would be such a big help (and heaps of fun...ie hot boys summer every summer haha). So I went back to working as an Instructional Assistant. It was quite different, but it was nice to be back. Then summer came and I was hanging out with my little human and working on schooling of my own trying to finish up my degree for teaching. Fast forward to three weeks left of summer and I got an intriguing phone call. It was from a teacher I worked with at the middle school who was now a Principal at a High School in a little pee stop of a town in Oregon. He had a position to offer me and wanted me to come check it out. I was like, "what could I lose?" So I drove up and checked it out. Decided (with prayer and conversation with my wife.) I liked the opportunity, accepted the position. Then went through the process of getting an emergency teaching license. It was a new season and a big step. I didn't have all the experience first year teachers get with grade books, curriculum, planning lessons or getting an opportunity to actually teach in front of students. I'd taught in Y.W.A.M. and done a couple of teaching schools. I'd also taught in front of kids and teenagers in church for kids ministries and youth groups, but this was different. I was beyond excited. It took a bit to get comfortable and to make some connections with the students. When you go to such a rural school (less than 100 students total for 9th-12th grade) where everyone knows every the new person stands out. Thus my teaching career started in August/September 2023.

(heeeeelllllllllooooo Mr. Hansen)

I quickly learned trying to get my teaching degree via my own schooling and teaching was heaps more than I could do all at once. There was a lot to learn with being a new teacher and I didn't want to pay for school I wasn't getting to do. I was also trying to raise a little one and enjoy family things. So a break from school was needed. It helped me focus on my first year and take time to learn all the things.

At such a small school I quickly found out you do a lot. I am the business creative arts teacher. I teach five subjects over six periods with one prep. I am also the FBLA advisor and a co-Junior Class advisor. It is pretty wild, but it is also very worth it.

The extra fun part is there is a pool next to the school so we got to take our little one there a few times before it closed for the winter.

(Taking Noah for a swim in the summer at the pool)

The year also had a few other firsts for us. One was we went and helped out at our churches summer came. Elise was camp nurse and I was a part of the games crew (Organisers of Fun a.k.a. OOF). It was a blast. I hadn't volunteered at a summer camp since California. There was the challenge of also taking care of our little human, but the youth at camp and many of the other staff loved on us and our son so much it became quite easy. It was such a great time. I made a goal to try and sing my heart out and lose my voice and I came very close to doing that. It was very raspy, but it survived. I guess I needed it a little bit in the end.

We also took Noah to where I grew up in California and he got to meet some more family and have some fun.

(hanging with the fam in California)

We also made a change and did Thanksgiving with Elise's side of the family and Christmas with my side. It was a first since we got married. It was a bit more relaxing to not have to do so much travel on Christmas and let Noah open presents at home. We did miss watching the cousins open presents and the traditions Elise's family has, but it was nice to start some new ones.

(first group photo with the whole crew totally 9 of us)

The year concluded with getting to watch our Framily Group (friend/family group) grow by two more little humans. One came a wee bit early and the other a wee few days late, but both are thriving. I got to do a fun video for the friends that wanted a gender reveal party. It was quite fun to return the favour as they did a surprise for us.

Even though the year 2023 is very over and we are on already on day 87 of 2024 (1/4 of the year 2024 is already almost over..wild), looking back I cannot help but feel all the feels from this past year. Reminiscing on all the things bring back all sorts of thoughts, what ifs and memories. No matter the ups and downs we found the best community and it continues to get better. They are always there for us and we for them and that makes life heaps extra special. They say it takes a village to raise a child and we are so thankful for the one we have. Watching three little humans grow up together is so sweet and precious. Being a parent alongside our friend/family and learning and growing in all the things makes the days extra special and even more exciting for the things to come.

(photos above: left to right top to bottom: Noah and me, Noah, Noah in the car with Tag and Katrina on the outside, Friends playing in the snow at the lake, beach trip Noah eating, Noah's dedication with Pastor Jeremy one of his favourites, camping with the group, Noah rocking the mic at youth group, Tag and I posing with the 26.2 marathon sign, the 3 of us at the beach in Crescent City, Jacob [brother and law] after we finished the 5k at the Eugene Marathon Weekend, Celebrating Noah's first birthday, the whole crew at summer camp)

[vxctorx]

(For our letter thread. Perhaps this is sometime before they confessed their feelings for one another?)

Dear Vic, How are you? I hope you're not finding this winter to be too cold. Also, I hope you don't mind me sending you this letter out of the blue. I suppose I've been finding my days more restless than usual. At first I thought it was me getting re-used to the cold of the winters here now that I'm back home, but I realized it's more than that... It's funny, while back on campus I could not wait for the winter vac, and now that it's here, being home with my father made me realize how foolish I was for ever wishing to come back home. That and the bone-chilling cold certainly does not help. Perhaps, I should have just shut myself back in the dorms instead of coming back home, eh?

Not only this, but, more importantly, I've realized how unnatural it is to not be able to see you and talk to you everyday. I suppose this makes sense, considering how much time we've been spending together back in uni.-- In other words, I guess you can say I've missed you. Is that too forward of me to say? Anyways, I hope you're having more luck in finding both happiness and warmth this winter vac. I hate the idea of you freezing. I don't suppose you're planning on going anywhere with sun all-year-round anytime soon. If so, I don't suppose you would have room for the likes of me on your trip, would you?

Anyways, I hope this letter gets to you soon. Like I said, I've been finding myself desperately missing your company, and riling you up with my own company. Haha! (If only my past-self who didn't know you could hear me say that now. He probably wouldn't believe the words I'm saying.)

P.S:

I don't want this letter to drag on, but I had a dream about you recently. Once again, is that too forward of me? Also, what would you like for Christmas?

-Richard

My dear Richard,

My afternoon was made all the better by receiving your letter, for I had caught myself in particularly low spirits and, as Anna would so lovingly say, mouldering next to the fireplace. I have come to realise that without you to light my days, the gloomy skies of the Highlands are quite unbearable to gaze upon. I do wish you would be kind and gracious enough to visit me, if I were to ask you; which, I suppose is what I am doing right now.

There are, sadly, no sunny destinations on my calendar this year, as my father has yet again flown to Tezpur on his own for work and my mother, I hear, has made off for Greece, no doubt to spite my father. Not quite the holiday atmosphere I had hoped for, but Anna and I get to have the manor all to ourselves, which I imagine is an acceptable compromise. Hence, my request of you to come and see me at your soonest convenience.

You mentioned in your letter that you have dreamt of me, and I cannot help my curiosity as to the contents of your dream. Although sadly I have not yet managed to conjure you in my own dreams, I do find myself drawn into lengthy musings about you time and again, and have been accused of 'brooding' in the process. To think of a time when you could hardly stand my very presence, though still somewhat heartbreaking, does leave me with some sense of amusement and delight, given where we are now.

As for my Christmas present, I shall want no more than your intimacy and companionship, if you would be so generous as to spare me both.

Yours,

Victor

[owlsandwich]

Happy Thursday! Thank you for following us (@ask-a-thon) from the previous blog, or finding us in general! Now, on to your questions!

How long have you been working on each WIP? How do you plan your WIPs (timeline, outline, seat of your pants, divine intervention, etc...)? Have you ever regretted inserting a character or plot point but ended up loving it, or vice versa?

I'm back from holiday in Wales and finally getting around to this :) Sorry for the delay and thanks so much for the ask!

How long have you been working on each WIP?

So Mechanics was technically published last year, but I still count it as a WIP as I am going through another round of edits with an editor now that I can afford one in order to release a second, better edition. I had the original idea for it back in 2011 just after I graduated from university, but after writing a few chapters I put it away and didn't look at it again until 2019. At that point I scrapped all my old work and started over, and so I would say that the project took about 3 years from that point to hitting publish in March 2022.

For Darkness, I posted the first chapter to AO3 in November 2022 and I hope to finish it before the end of the year. I may well end up editing it as a whole once it's complete, and expect to spend a few months doing so, but for now I'll be happy to say I wrote a story in a year.

2. How do you plan your WIPs (timeline, outline, seat of your pants, divine intervention, etc...)?

I mostly like to use a flexible outline when I work, where I tend to know the start of the story quite well, then plot a few chapters ahead of where I am writing in detail, with a vaguer outline for later parts. I also enjoy overlaying an act structure once I have most of the story plotted, so that I can see where the work might be running slow or where I can swap elements around to give a greater impact.

Being flexible has saved me a few times, where I have been dwelling on events a few chapters ahead and suddenly realised I needed to change a chapter before I actually wrote anything down. It saves me from wasting work, which is invaluable considering I am such a slow writer.

For Darkness, I wasn't intending for it to become a full book, and I wrote the first and second chapters on a whim. I wanted to see how I would do without plotting, but whenever I am thinking about a story my brain jumps to where it would go next, and so I always end up with an outline before I manage to get to writing it. I can thankfully hold a whole outline in my head, so only need to start making notes on it when getting to the granular level.

3. Have you ever regretted inserting a character or plot point but ended up loving it, or vice versa?

I don't think I've ever regretted adding anything, as a lot gets cut from my outline before I ever end up writing it. It's almost as though my actual written draft is already a second draft, with a lot of structural edits already done. I have cut characters and scenes that never made it to the point of actually being written.

[oshenikawdesign702]

Packaging Binding D5 Part 2

After placing the labels, I started on my sleeve foiling. Using the same golf foil I was going to foil the whole A3 using the pattern on the left. And the image on the right is where my text would be placed and in the middle will be where the window will be cut out.

But the plans changed. We were supposed to foil the A3 paper but we didn't realise the page was so big and even if did foil it using the machine, it would use too much foil and be a waste of time too. I was worried for a bit but Lindsey suggested a new idea -screen printing. It is much faster and is much better than the foiler machine.

I didn't know the screen printing room does foiling too but I was super keen to try it out and see how it'll go. Lindsey spoke with Luca the technician at the screen printing room about what I needed and I was ready to get on with it. I printed my pattern on A3 paper and oiled it as per instructions. Luca dried it out with newspaper and then went to set the screens for the pattern to be transferred onto it. After that, I used the blow dryer and dried the screen so it is see-through and the pattern is clearly seen. Luca then explained the next steps while doing the process for glueing the pattern onto the sleeve A3 papers with the screen. There was a double effect to the pattern when it was being transferred but I quite liked the effect and didn't bother me too much. It was such a cool process to observe, that I want to come in the holidays and do one myself.

I then moved the three sheets of paper over to another room where the foiling begins. Placing the paper onto the large bed thing, Luca then carefully placed the gold foil onto the paper and put the large map over it. He then showed me how to spin the wheel and advised me to do it consistently so there is an even amount of foil being distributed onto the area.

Then the fun part, slowly removing the foil revealing the final pattern. I was so stunned at how gorgeous the foiling looked. It had a little lifted look to it too and also had a slightly rough but clean look which looked so pretty. The gold reminded me of South Asian jewellery and just adds so much more quality to the sleeve and final product.

The next two prints I did them myself. I rolled the wheel, took the mat out and slowly removed the gold foil which was so satisfying. The final prints looked so stunning I couldn't believe I nearly foiled it with the bindery machine. This way was so much more convenient and had a gorgeous effect on the print.

The space here is for the brand name and drink name to be foiled separately. That is also the space where I will need to cut out my window.

This made me want to do more foil printing as it was so fun to do and also watch the process of doing one.

The print used was a 300gsm silk paper

[lostlovesoul11]

[PRIVATE ROOM]

Pairing: Professor Jaehyun X Reader

Warnings: Smut, daddy kink, thigh slapping, teasing, oral sex, creampie, fingering, strip club, lap dance, spanking, multiple orgasms, pole dancing, reverse cowgirl, kissing, final year, age gap/3 years.

Word count: 2.6k

18+ no minors!

Since its Jaehyun's birthday and Valentine's day, also my 1 month of writing, a lil something ;)

hope he gets his dick sucked good <33

Summary: Meeting an unexpected client..

You was attending a lot of classes over the summer holidays, which included something quite contrasting to others. Being energetic as ever from sporting itself, stumbling across pole dancing. Loving a challenge you applied for the classes. It wasn't rigorous at all, perhaps an advantage of having a background of sports. Having the strength and flexibility is the most important. The main thing was grasping the right techniques and rules of pole dancing.

You opted to learn Exotic Pole Dancing. Already having such great flexibility, wanting to opt for a more sensual form. Learning how to walk around the pole is huge, needing to be graceful with precise steps that set the mood in for your whole performance. You was learning how to do a fire man spin. A classic spinning that makes you look elegant. After a few tries, finally grasping the concept you played some sexy music to help set the mood in the background.

The class was empty with only you, since everyone left home. Walking towards the mirror, slow movements to enhance the sexyness. Grabbing your hand on to the pole whilst gripping it with your thighs perfectly, allowing your hands to rest.

Looking at the mirror to watch your sensual movements, not realising you may have just seen reflection of someone standing behind. Stopping in your tracks completely, turning your face around just to see nothing. Were your eyes playing tricks on you? Maybe you was too exhausted? But you could have sworn someone was present, watching you.

Today was, different. First it was Valentine's day. The day of love. While everyone in class had something planned or received a gift, you was the odd one out. Alienated. You didn't mind or care much of this particular day, although it would be nice if someone gifted you. The end of your lecture, Professor Jaehyun even asked if you have any plans for this day. Watching you intently, innocent smile on. His dimples grew even bigger, showing depth. Gosh you've had a lil crush on this man from like the very first day! You begin to lick your lips before responding.

"No plans for today Professor haha, just chilling."

Returning a smile back. Waiting for his reply. Noticing his eyes getting slightly hooded, just watching your face, almost admiring. Feeling slightly awkward in his presence, you cleared your throat. To which he realised and quickly formed a response.

"Well I hope today becomes a memorable day for you".

Speaking so enthusiastically. A bit confused on his response, what could be memorable? I mean apart from going to the Strip Club, that's all your plans for today. No one knows that's your job. Definitely not Professor Jaheyun.

Times flies, you stumbled across a job advertisement. It was one of the Stripper Clubs in your city. Hesitant at first but you really enjoyed pole dancing. If you're able to make some decent money from it then why not? Not like any one will recognise you, right?

You slightly disguised yourself, wearing heavier makeup and ofcourse dressing absoutely slutty. A huge contrast to your normal life. Loving the change of scenery and different life from your own. The money was great for you but what was more amazing was how quickly you formed your skills. Mastering the most perfect moves.

Coming back home from lecture, noticing the time is approaching. You went straight in to the shower. Allowing the water to flow. Its therapeutic for you to have showers. Thinking back to when Professor Jaheyun mentioned that comment, you felt quite confused. You don't usually have much going on in your life apart from uni and your work. Thinking to yourself, it would be pretty nice to have something good happen to you today. Once you've rinsed yourself off clean, leaving your thoughts there as you come out. Picking up your new lotion rubbing it all over your body, leaving your skin so soft and smooth. Catching a whiff of the enchanting scent as you apply. Since its Valentine's Day, you purchased a nice red lacy bra set with stockings. Excited as ever, you tried them on. Fuck. Its almost criminal to be looking this good. Just before its time for you to go, admiring your sexy body and the way everything hugs your curves so perfectly.

As you entered the club, you went inside your locker room. Doing some last minute touches with your cute makeup, bold red lip and applying a gloss over it. Your name was being called, its finally time to perform. Just as you walked, you was pulled by someone before entering your usual place.

"Someone has booked you for in the private room, please make your way to the client".

Baffled as ever, you was thinking who this so called "client" is. Continuing to make your way towards the private room, feeling your breathing slightly hike up. Slow steps as the anxious thoughts were kicking in. Why am I feeling so nervous?

It was a pretty spacious room, a large sofa was placed around with a pole in the middle

The lights were mostly dim with slow music playing in the back. It was hard to see clear. As you walked near to greet the client, leaving you completely stunned.

"Professor.. Jaehyun..?" So speechless, unable to even form words properly. This wasn't what you would ever have expected. What is he doing here? Wait, how does he know I work here? Thoughts flying away in your mind at a fast pace.

"Surprised to see me?" Gazing you from head to toe, admiring the gorgeous lingerie you have on.

"I..i.. didn't.. expect.. you here.." is all you could mutter out.

"Well, I come here very often actually. Until one day I saw you perform, I recognised you. I must say, very different from the usual look hm?" Feeling his deep eyes on you, unable to even make eye contact with it. Playing with the sides of the lingerie.

"No need to be worried. I won't share this with anyone of course." Professor Jaehyun reassured you. You watch as he leans back, sitting at a comfortable position. Never have you thought you'd be dancing infront of your crush, especially on a pole. However, you're confident with your performances, assuring yourself as you breathe in.

Walking sensually around the pole, before your fingers are pressed on. Swiftly straddling the pole between your thighs. Lowering yourself first before pushing yourself high. Rolling down with a beautiful spin. You grind your ass all over the pole, purposely touching your feet to bend and expose those panties of yours as a hand grazes them. You could swore you witnessed Jaehyun rubbing himself through his pants. Smirking to yourself, you finally carried out doing the splits, starting high up then dropping all the way down expanding your legs out. Poor guy wouldn't survive that part, would he?

Jaehyun swallows hard, as you approach him. His eyes leading to your eyes, reaching down to your perky breasts. Thinking how they'd look if that piece of lingerie wasn't covering them, exposing your hard nipples.

Eyes returning back to your face, stilled on your red coated lips, flushed cheeks from engaging in the dance.

"Did I do well, Professor?" Such an innocent look to your face, after teasing him so much.

"That was amazing, so flexible aren't you? Could bend you over anywhere", Licking his lips at the sight of you.

You felt flustered hearing that comment, picturing how it would look. Biting your lips without realising, Jaheyun watches in amusement.

"So, im guessing it's time for my special lap dance right?" Cockily watching you as he leans back comfortably.

Jaehyun spread his legs open and fuck. You could see that huge bulge right away that formed during your performance. Swaying your hips side to side so sensually as you place your ass on his bulge. Rubbing all against his thighs, feeling yourself getting moist already. You hear Jaehyun groan loudly.

"Everything okay Professor? Am I doing a good job?" You know damn well you are, his hard as ever feeling him against your ass.

"Mmmh, show me a lil twerk". Unable to talk feeling complete arousal by just this.

"Fuckk.. just like that baby" he watches how your ass just bounces so effortlessly, so memesrised by it. You feel a sharp slap against your ass, catching you completely off guard. "Ahhh.. Professor". Closing your eyes to the slight sting you felt.

"Look what you've done, awoke the big guy up. Gonna be a good girl for me and suck my cock?" He points towards his obvious boner pertruding out his pants, begging to receive a touch from you.

You climb on top on the large sofa, arching your back completely while you unbuckle his pants. Immediately, the cock lifts up from the boxers creating saliva to form in your mouth at the sight of it. Watching in lust as you take his cock out, taking small licks. Wrapping your lips around it, sucking his length as you open your mouth more.

"Good girl".

Jaehyun watches how amazing your ass looks. As your pleasuring him, he pulls your panties to the side, forming spit in his mouth with his fingers and begins thrusting inside your tight ass hole.

"Mmmmh..." feeling the pleasure of his fingers inside your ass made you feel so wet. You begin to get sloppy with your movements as the pleasure flies over your whole body.

Clutching your silky hair in his hand, he thrusts his hips against your warm mouth. Swallowing up his whole tip and length, arousal flies over his body. You start to gag on his cock as he thrusts at a faster pace. Looking absoutely gorgeous with a cock filled mouth.

"My cock loves your mouth, look how well you take me, shit.." he loves how warm your mouth is around his cock, the way you've made it sloppy taking it in like a good girl. You look up and see Jaehyun tilting his head back, eyes rolling soaking in the pleasure. His neck becomes more prominent as the veins expose themselves through. Fuck he looked so fucking sexy right now. Hard to resist, you rise up to his sexy neck and lick through each vein, cupping his face with one hand whilst you run your tongue on his jaw. Running close to his ears with gentle warm breaths, whispering.

"Want you to fuck me, Daddy". Smirking while you bite his ear hard, slowing pulling away. Jaehyun felt utterly turned on, not only by the whisper but the fact you called him Daddy. It drives him fucking insane. He pushes you down with force with his strong hands pinned on you, watching the smirk remain on your face.

"Spread your legs for me" watching your toned thighs being streched out for him. You press your hands on your legs to spread more.

"I said keep them open" as he pins his hands above them, giving a tight slap on your thighs for not listening. The thigh slaps made you whine yet drove a rush in stiumlation. Hands pinned down on you, unable to move.

"Naughty girl, you think you'd get away from teasing Daddy?" Placing his fingers inside of your wet pussy, fucking you with them aggressively.

"O-fuck-fuck....." mouth opening with loud moans from the fingering. Making your whole legs tremble already.

Jaehyun smacks your inner thighs hard, causing a moan escaping your mouth. He smoothers gentle kisses from your calves, above to your thighs. Running towards your inner thighs which is your weak spot, you begin to close your legs unable to take so much pleasure.

"Need your cock.. Daddy please.." incapable to take the teasing, whining like a bitch.

"Mmm so wet, ready for Daddy's cock? As he strokes with one of his hand on his hard cock. Brings it forward near your entrance gently teasing his tip against your folds, moving his hips alongside.

"Omg.. fuck!" Gasping so loud at how his cock enters inside. Starting off with slow strokes until he thrusts faster in and out. Cock feels so good inside of you, soaking in the juices.

"Cock feels so good inside your wetness, love the way daddy makes you feel? And eyes on me baby".

As you direct eye contact watching Jaehyun's gorgeous sweat filled face, you can feel yourself nearing as he brings in deep strokes, making you wheeze. Eyes rolling feeling his cock hit your spot, you feel yourself releasing.

"Daddy makes me feel s-o g-ood.. fuck" sobbing while your orgasm rushes over your body.

Jaheyun picks you up immediately, pinning your face down towards the leather sofa, feeling the coldness on your skin. Delivering a few hard spankings on your ass. You wail in the sting you feel, arching your back the best you can. Suddenly, an entry of his hungry tongue inside your asshole, fucking you.

"Such a sweet ass, love when Daddy tongue fucks it?"

Sensing the retraction of his tongue, he spreads your cheeks with both hands. Your thighs already ache with the amount of stretching but you forget all of that when his cock inserts itself in once again.

"Love when Daddy fucks your tight hole dumb" Jaheyun's cock keeps hitting the exact spot, pushing you over the edge once again. Your legs are shaking tremendously from another ongoing orgasm passing through.

"Mmmmm.. don't sto-pp" unable to maintain your posture at the pleasure behind, grinding all over his tongue.

Turning you around, he leans back on to the large sofa.

"Ride me in cowgirl baby, want to see that ass in full view".

You turn around, resting your feet down as your hips bucked up in to him, feeling his cock push deep inside of you. A gasp escapes. Jaehyun watches in pleasure how your nice ass takes in his length and swallows it all in. He pulls your hair, causing you to lean further back catching your lips with his as he kisses hungrily. His hands find your breasts as he caresses them causing you to moan inside of his mouth.

"Fuck baby" Jaehyun loves how your ass looks up against his cock. The way your ass takes in his whole length, sucks him in. He's so fascinated by the look of it, so soft.

"Want you to do the splits on my cock baby"

Extending both your legs out as far as you can. Hands on the cold sofa as you back it up and twerk your ass on his cock. You would do anything for your Daddy despite still recovering from an orgasm and feeling your thighs tremble from slight pain. He places his hands on your thighs, helping you by thrusting up his cock. Looking back, giving Jaehyun a smirk knowing he's enjoying the view right now, hearing him grunting hard. Mouth opening slowly as you moan, gazing his sexy face.

"Fuck-fuck..." you moan.

Before you can even recover through your orgasm, Jaehyun picks you up. Kissing your wet mouth hungrily with his tongue fighting with yours. He places you against the wall. The coldness hits your body making you shudder.

Your thighs literally burning but it all fades away when Jaehyun smothers your whole leg and thigh with his gentle kisses. Moving your head back over the sensation running through your body.

"Place your sexy leg over my shoulder" as he stops himself from the kiss to speak out.

Touching his cock, guiding it back inside your pussy thrusting upwards as you move. You felt both pain and pleasure mixed together when his cock delivers deep strokes.

"So pretty" as he kisses.

His mouth goes on to your beautiful perky breasts, engulfing them one at a time. Flicking his tongue on your nipples, feeling stimulation run. Banging your head back slightly against the way from the over powering pleasure.

This time he tells you to wrap both your legs around him, hugging him tightly with your both arms around his chest. He starts fucking you so ruthless with his speed.

"You love teasing these dirty men with your pretty pussy don't you" slamming his cock in further and out.

"O-ohh.. mmm.."

"Getting their cocks hard over your slutty dancing, can they ever fuck you like I do?"

"Just you Daddy, m-make me feel so good.."

"I saw you practice during the holidays, ass getting squeezed by that pole. Wishing it was getting squeezed by my cock instead, cummed so much from that day because of you."

"Mmm.." you wince out. Can't even form words having the cock deep inside.

"Getting fucked that dumb that you can't even form a sentence, baby. Pussy clenching on my cock by hearing about other men such a dirty girl". Grunting as he tries to increase his speed.

"Daddy- its too much..."

"Nearly there baby, want my cum don't you?"

"Yess Daddy- please want it all..."

Jaheyun starts ramming his cock inside you whilst your head is hitting on the wall. He finds his mouth on your lips once again and makes out as you're both getting closer to climax.

You can hear his grunting inside your mouth, with your loud moans only getting released to his mouth, your sweaty bodies are in sync as you both move at a faster pace. Almost brutal fucking you to another dimension.

"Fuck filling my cum inside your pussy baby"

Going relentlessly harder with his thrusts completely balls deep as they slap against you, his moans become loud. So beautiful to hear against your ears as he goes. Soon enough his hot cum shoots inside your pussy, filling you up nicely.

"Daddy-" you cum again all over his cock, eyes rolling upwards letting the pleasure sync in.

"Pussy looks so pretty with my cum, took Daddy so well"

Carressing your face as he watches you be full of his cum, indulging in yet another passionate kiss.

©2022 lostlovesoul11 all rights reserved.

[mmonamona]

Halloween [corpse husband x reader]

synopsis: you spend Halloween with Corpse. based on this request from @slashersdream

a/n: Corpse in a onesie? more likely than you'd think. i really got carried away with this request lmfao

Corpse had always been a connoisseur of all things spooky; it was the reason why Halloween was always something to look forward to. This year, however, it became even more special since it would be your first Halloween together. It wasn’t like you had any extravagant plans, but he was excited nonetheless. When you said you just wanted to watch scary movies and cuddle all night, Corpse had been one hundred percent on board. 

...He just hadn’t pictured himself doing it in a onesie. When you first showed him the purple bunny onesie and insisted that it would be perfect for Halloween, he was reluctant, to say the least, but you smiled so brightly at the idea that he couldn’t bring himself to say no. You, on the other hand, were wearing a black onesie with cat ears. As cheesy as this whole thing was, you just wanted Corpse to have fun. You knew how hard he could be on himself, and you figured his favourite holiday would help him unwind from the stress he had been feeling lately. 

“What are we watching?” you asked, walking back into the living room. Corpse was already sprawled on the couch, huddled under a fluffy blanket with the tv remote in hand. You sat down, putting the bowl of popcorn between the two of you. 

“Uhh.. trying to choose between The Shining and Scream,” he muttered.

“Definitely The Shining.”

“Haven’t you watched that like a million times?” 

“Yeah, but you’ve watched it zero times. So put it on,” you said, reaching into the bowl of popcorn, “for such a horror nerd, I can’t believe you haven’t seen it.”

“I just don’t watch movies, ok?” He chuckled, putting an arm around your shoulder and selecting the movie in question. 

“Well, that's what I’m here for. We’re not getting any sleep tonight until you catch up on all the movies you’ve missed,” you responded, resting your head in his shoulder as the opening credits began. 

The nerve-racking soundtrack would have usually unsettled you quite a bit, but you soon came to realise that with Corpse’s presence, your fear just didn’t feel the same.

It didn’t help that not only did he seem unfazed at every scare, but he also teased you endlessly whenever the action managed to startle you. 

“Stop laughing, asshole!” You half-laughed, half-yelled, hiding your face in his side. As reassuring as being in his proximity may have been, it certainly didn’t make you immune to cheap jump scares. 

“C'mon kitten, it was so obvious that was coming,” he giggled. Sure, the pang of terror you felt every five minutes wasn’t ideal, but the way his face lit up whenever he laughed at your reactions was worth it. 

By the time you were halfway through the second movie, it seemed that both of you were running low on energy. You ended up laid out on the couch, your head on Corpse's lap as he played around with your hair. Not even the shoddy scares of the endless movie marathon could make you react at this point. The movie was mere background noise as you started drifting off, the feeling of Corpse's comforting hands almost lulling you to sleep. 

“Darling,” he said, and your eyes immediately snapped open. Right, you were supposed to stay awake with him; you had countless more movies left on your watchlist. 

“I’m not sleeping,” you answered quickly, but you feared the drowsiness in your voice would betray you. 

Corpse laughed softly, turning your body on its back so he could see your face, “we should go to bed now, it’s getting late.”

“Sleep is for the weak,” you grumbled, a frown on your face.

“Well it’s a good thing you’re weak, then.” he retorted, a playful smirk on his face.

In return you pouted, face scrunched into an equally playful glare, “you’re mean.”

“And you’re practically about to pass out. So let’s go to bed.”

You sighed, but listened nonetheless. You sat up and allowed him to follow suit, “We didn’t even get to watch Carrie.”

“We can watch it another time, kitten,” he whispered, picking up the abandoned popcorn bowl and placing it on the coffee table. You watched him as he lifted the remote and turned the tv off, and suddenly the apartment was plunged into darkness. The resultant gloom made you groan in protest. 

“Corpse.. now we can’t see anything,” You whined, only to be met by silence. Your eyes struggled to adjust to the sudden absence of light, and your boyfriend didn't seem to want to give any signs of life, “...Corpse I know what you’re trying to do and it’s not funny.”

You carefully tried to manoeuvre your way around the living room, still doing your best to hear any movement he made, but he was stealthier than you thought he could be. You knew that his goal was to scare you, and you didn't want to give him the satisfaction.

“Corpse I’m gonna murder you-“ your threat was cut short, however, by the feeling of none other than your boyfriend grabbing you from behind. 

“What the fuck!” You whisper-yelled, doing your best to not wake up the neighbours.

"You're such a scaredy-cat."

"Stop making fun of my onesie," you spoke, rolling your eyes at his pun.

"Purr-haps I will."

“I hate you so much.”

He just dissolved into laughter and gave you a warm back hug, his chest pressing up against your back, “You love me.”

“Yeah, whatever,” you muttered, “It’s still dark though, genius.”

“How do you even get lost in a living room?” He teased, guiding you in a direction you assumed was the bedroom.

“It’s not like I live here.” You retaliated. 

He went quiet for a second, “...maybe you should.”

Your breath caught in your throat, and a wide grin spread across your face, “Wait- deadass?”

He laughed in response, “Yes, deadass.”

You squealed and pulled yourself from his back hug, only to turn around and pull him into another clumsy embrace, “Fuck yeah! If you’re sure.”

“Of course I’m sure. I mean you practically sleep over all the time anyway. Just making it official.”

“I love you so much,” you cooed, hugging him as tight as you could muster, before pulling away, “okay, now where’s the bedroom again?”

In one manoeuvre, he leaned forward, opening the door to your bedroom. The moonlight gleaming through the open curtains illuminated the bedroom enough for you to see. 

“Oh. I thought we were further away,” you mumbled as you walked into the bedroom.

“How big do you think my apartment is?”

“I swear it feels bigger in the dark.”

“No, you’re just a dumbass.”

“Meanie,” you muttered, switching the lights on and turning back to look at him, “There’s my Corpsie! I missed your pretty face!” You teased.

He laughed, blushing and shyly looking away, "you're so annoying."

"Well get used to it, because I'm gonna be around all the time from now on," you smiled, grabbing his hands and pulling him towards you. 

His face lit up with a grin as he looked down at you, "you're making me regret asking."

"That's too bad. You're stuck with me now," you quipped.

He leaned down and gave you a small kiss on the forehead, "Wouldn't have it any other way."

Taglist [send an ask to be added!]:

@holosexualunicorn7000 

[msmarvelwrites]

Vienna Waits

Summary: The reader has a hard time around the holidays because it brings up a lot of unhappy memories. Bucky knows trauma all too well and he’s always there to lend some Christmas cheer. 

Pairing: Bucky x reader

Warnings: mentions/flashbacks of assult, ptsd, 18+, swearing, but truly a fluff piece...

Word Count: 2.5k

Authors Note: Hi again! It’s ya girl, back at it again with the plot all to based on her own predicaments. Please read the warnings because the last thing I’d ever want to do is trigger anyone- but at it’s core I wrote this as an aid. Like My Girl, this was written to bring us together, because we are so much stronger that way! This is also my first submission to the Merry Hoemas Challange, so with that please enjoy! Sending love and light to all you beautiful holiday babies.

Thank you to @amythedvdhoarder  @chrissquares @drabblewithfrannybarnes @pumpkin-and-pine and @starlightcrystalline for hosting this holiday challange!

It was, of course, the most wonderful time of year. Christmas Eve at the Avengers Compound. 

The snow cascading from the dark sky acted as a sheet of white as you nervously sipped on your tea, checking the time once again. Your best friend was supposed to be back from his solo mission hours ago, and yet here you were, alone and completely overwhelmed. 

He was always better at these things. Always knowing how to avoid the holiday slump with ease. Bucky was who you turned to when you needed a quick coping mechanism. 

Christmas with the world's mightiest heroes had its perks for sure, but this was certainly not one of them. The joyous holiday music echoing through the Avenger hq living room was doing nothing to settle your nerves. In fact, quite the opposite. It lingered around you, pulling memories you buried deep down in the back of your mind. 

“I really think it’s better if I just head home… It’s getting really bad out there and…”

His lips cut you off, lazily trailing down your neck as the taste of bile rose into your throat. He was just drunk, you thought. So were you. You had given him the wrong idea. If you just explained you didn't want him to touch you… 

He would understand, you thought… You really did. 

“Honey, I’m home” Bucky called, cackling to himself as he shook off the snow caked to his winter coat. His voice shot you back into the dimly lit living room you now resided. 

You lunged from the recliner, spinning around the corner to find Bucky, hands full of gift bags and a candy cane dangling out of his mouth as a goofy grin tugged at the corner of his lips. 

“Where the hell have you been?” You tried to sound angry, but he was just so damn cute.

“Okay, first of all, you're welcome.” He scoffed sarcastically, gesturing to the gift bags as he placed them on the floor. “And second, you're the one who sent me out in the middle of a snowstorm for last minute christmas presents… So, you get what you get.” He chuckled. 

“No, no, I appreciate you- it… I appreciate it so much Buck.” You stumbled, though you didn't let the blush creep onto your cheeks before you spoke again, “You know how I get this time of year.” You sighed, crossing the room to help him with his bags of gifts. It wasn't lost on Bucky that the holiday season was difficult for a lot of the team, including yourself. Though he didn’t know everything about your past and how it brought you here, to the team, and one of the most ruthless fighters the Avengers had ever seen, he did know it was rough and dark and definitely off limits to talk about. Bucky didn't mind, however. As long as he had you by his side. 

“Ya know, if you help me wrap these gifts there might be a Christmas movie marathon in your future.” He wiggled his brows causing you to laugh. 

“That really sounds like a lose-lose on my end here, Buck.” you giggled.

“Are you by any chance at all into hot chocolate?” he bribed, though you would have caved regardless. Any time spent with Bucky was all you wanted for Christmas. 

Once all the presents were wrapped, Bucky was true to his word, puttering into the kitchen, whipping up his famous hot chocolate recipe. Honestly, if the world knew the famous Winter Soldier was as jolly was he is, they probably wouldn't believe it. Something about Christmas just brought out the best in him. 

“So,” You started as you sipped on your whip cream topped hot chocolate. “What is it about this holiday?” You pried, looking up at Bucky as he wiped a dollop of cream off the tip of your nose. 

“I don’t really know. Getting my memories back after all that time, Christmas with my Ma and sisters was always so clear…” He paused, his eyes fixing themselves on the floor. “I guess it’s one of the only really decent memories I have.” 

You only stared at Bucky for a moment as you let the words sink in. He never really spoke about his family and what, if anything he remembered. You never pushed him, thankful that he respected you the same. Though you had only been friends for a year now, those things just aren't privy to your relationship. 

“You never told me that before.” You finally spoke, watching as his eyes met with yours. 

“Yeah well, it’s hard to talk about sometimes. But… I don't know. I trust you, doll. More than anyone, I think. You kind of pull it outta’ me.” He sighed into that goofy smile you loved so much. You wanted to tell him that there was no one in this world that you trusted more, that you could and would be an open book for him, if that's what he wanted… But you supposed it went without saying. Instead, you rested you head on his shoulder, sinking back into the couch as you watched whatever sappy Christmas movie Bucky had picked out for you to watch. 

It wasn't long before the compound started to buzz with disembodied voices and echoing footsteps. A team was getting back tonight, and soon the living room would be filled with your friends booming laughter. 

You let your mind wander, tiptoeing into the darkest parts of your unconscious as the movie faded further and further away…

Your body shook, hard. You heard yourself plead, begging him to stop. Could feel the tears wet and hot as they rolled down your cheeks pooling onto your chest as he wiped them away. Such an act of kindness in such a nauseating scene. Your whole body ached with how hard you were trembling. So weak. You knew it, and now he did too-

Wanda was the first to round the corner, plopping herself down on the couch between you and Bucky, almost sitting right on your lap. 

“Good evening!” She chimed, resting her head against your shoulder in a complete and utter disregard of yours and Bucky’s closeness. Wanda was always the best at diffusing tension you hadn't even realised was there. Though now, as she sat there, it was very apparent that's exactly what it was. However you were thankful for her halting your train of thought. 

“Hello, darling.” Bucky chuckled as you wrapped your arms around her.

Tony rounded the corner next, snickering when he saw the three of you bundled up on the couch together. “Well, isn't that sweet. The trauma triplets are back together.” 

“Dont hate us cause’ you ain’t us, Tony.” You sang, watching as he rolled his eyes and puttered off to his lab. 

“So, any plans for this evening?” Wanda asked, grabbing your mug of hot chocolate without a second thought and taking a sip. 

“This is kind of it. Most of the team is back home with their family.” You explained, looking behind Wanda's head to Bucky, “Do you have any plans with Stevie?” You asked.

“Nope.” He popped the P. “Just us tonight. Steve’s out on a solo mission until tomorrow morning.” 

“About that… Nat is actually setting me up tonight. A double date, I think? So, it's just you guys tonight.” Wanda spoke sheepishly. 

Bucky and you both gapped at her before you finally spoke, “Traitor.” You glared while she only chuckled, shoving you playfully.  

“You guys will get along just fine without me. Just don’t watch The Holiday until I’m back! You guys know that’s my favourite”

As the compound quieted down for the night, you and Bucky fell into your daily routine of  comfortable silence. It was just like every other day, or at least that's what you tried to tell yourself as the end credits of another holiday movie started rolling onto the screen. 

“So,” Bucky finally spoke, shifting in his seat to reach for something out of your eyeline. “It’s technically christmas now… And, I know we said no gifts, but I saw this and it was just so you. I had to pick it up.”

Your eyes landed on the small velvet box in his hands, your breath hitching in your throat for a moment as your brain forze. You could feel your body trembling as he held it out, waiting for a reaction, but all you could do was stare. 

“Such a good little thing.” He finally spoke. Your eyes were so glazed over you couldn't quite tell where his voice was emulating from. You could hear his belt, feel his hands on either side of your face as he whispered in your ear. “Happy Christmas, baby.” He chided, dropping the small velvet box in your hands as he left the room. 

You couldn't bear to touch it, whipping it across the room as it shattered open, the small diamond necklace rolling across the hardwood floor as it tumbled to the ground with a harsh crack. Your fingers burned where the rough velvet had been, and you remembered thinking you'd feel this way forever. 

“Y/n?” Bucky spoke your name and it shocked you back to reality. You blinked at him, tears welling in your eyes as you stared at him. He looked absolutely terrified and it broke your heart. Absolutely tore you apart that you could ever be the reason for that face. 

“Hm? Oh, yes. I’m so sorry, I was so far away there for a moment.” You reached out but before you could take the small box, his hands covered your own and he let his thumb stroke your skin, sending a shiver up your arms and all around your neck. 

“You know I would never judge you, right?” He smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. “God knows you've never judged me. I’m here. Whatever it is, it’s not your fault.” 

The words hit you like a ton of bricks. ‘Not your fault.’ Did he know? There was no possible way. You had Fury burn your physiatric evaluation from when you first started a year ago. No one knew. This was a fresh start, and there way no way that- 

“I can see your mind turning, and I just want to assure you, we are good. Okay? You and me, that's easy. It’s always been that way. Whenever you're ready, if you ever want to talk… I’m here, alright? Always.” His voice melted over you like a warm bath, calming you as you met his gaze. There was a sweetness you haven't seen before. It was new and yet there was something familiar about it. Had he always looked at you that way? Surely you would have remembered as it sent butterflies to explode in your stomach. 

He dropped the rectabled box in your hands and you finally felt the weight of it. Definitely heavier than a necklace, though you guess that wasn't really Bucky’s style anyways. 

You slowly clicked the box open, your eyes falling on the small black object resting on the pillow inside. 

“It’s a knife?” You spoke, just above a whisper as your hands traveled over the cool metal looking up at Bucky in surprise. 

Bucky chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck as he explained. “Remember that mission a year back? I think it was one of our firsts.” 

“Vienna.” You chimed, the memory coming back to you now. 

“You stole my knife.” He laughed, shaking his head at the memory. “I remember, I had it in my hand, you ran out of ammo and in a flash it was in your hands. Those Hydra punks didn't see you coming. God, doll. That had to be the hottest-” He blushed, clearing his throat, “I mean, that was the coolest thing I've ever seen. Been trying to find you one like it ever since.”

“Oh, Buck.” You signed, gripping the knife in your hands and effortlessly flipping it through your fingers as it sparkled in the dim lighting. 

“Do you like it?” He hummed. 

“Like it? I absolutely love it… I feel like such an ass for not getting you anything.” You confessed, averting your eyes to the floor. 

You flinched as Bucky’s cool metal fingers tipped your head up, and he tried not to notice, though the reaction wasn't lost on him. He really didn't know about your past, but trauma knew trauma. 

“Darling, this…” He motioned to you, “This is all I need for Christmas.” His voice was like honey in tea, warm and sweet and so smooth. 

“You flirt.” You giggled, shoving him playfully as you placed the knife back in its box and resting it on the coffee table.  

“I would never.” He sarcastically gasped, causing you to laugh at his dramatics. Bucky wasn't truly himself around the others, but you wished sometimes they could see his goofy side. Though it warmed your heart he reserved it for you. 

“What do you say? One more movie before we call it a night?” You asked, relaxing into his shoulder as you clicked through the options. Bucky’s silence caught your attention, pulling you back to his gaze. He stared at you as if startled by your words. 

“What?” You chuckled nervously, raising a brow when he didn't speak. 

“You're willinging requesting we watch a Christmas movie? Are you feeling okay?” He jested, lifting his flesh palm to your forehead as if to check your temperature. You swatted him away, rolling your eyes as you did so. 

“I’m fine. I just…” You watch him carefully as his laughter faded and he focused on you. “I never really thought I could enjoy Christmas. Someone stole that luxury away from me a very long time ago, but with you… With you it comes so easy. I know it must be hard, but you never let it show. I honestly can't tell you the last time I’ve properly laughed like that during the holidays. God, it's been years and yet here we are. You just pull it out of me.” 

Bucky smiled softly, holding his hands out for yours and you quickly accepted the gesture. His eyes crinkled at the corners as he grinned pulling you into his chest as he hugged you. It was something that was very new, and yet just felt right. Like this was how your bodies were meant to be, fit together like puzzle pieces. 

“Doll, I’ll pull it out for you whenever you want.” He cooed, sarcasm lacing his words and your head fell back, laughter bubbling out of your chest. 

“God, I love you.” You finally got out, but as soon as the words left your lips you knew how impulsive you had been. Bucky stilled beside you but you kept your eyes trained on the ceiling above, terrified to meet his gaze. It wasn't a big deal, just two friends admiring each other. You knew, however if you were honest it was much more than that. Bucky felt it too. 

“Darling,” He murmured, so low you almost didn’t hear him. Your eyes slowly returned to his as your heart nearly jumped from your chest. “You’ve had me wrapped around your finger since Vienna. You’re it for me. Always have been, I think.” 

You stared at him for a moment, unsure of where your voice went as your mouth ran dry. 

“As if I even need to say it, I love you too.” 

Divider made by the wonderful @chrissquares 

Thank you 3000 to my amazing friends @cutie1365 and @sweeterthanthis for their endless support and constant grammatical corrections. I’d be forever dyslexic without you guys... (I kind of will I think, but ya’ll make it a hell of a lot easier on me)

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