#I also just think it’s kind of shitty to show up to a wedding where a lot of time and effort and money has been spent to

[professorupdog]

let it be known that I am pro dress coded events and establishments

I like the idea that we all decided to play a little dress up game to go to a restaurant or to a wedding

and if someone’s not in the suggested dress code it’s not the end of the world but it’s like showing up to a costume party without a costume. there’s nothing wrong with it per se but everyone else here has agreed to contribute to a specific atmosphere and vibe and it’s kind of a bummer that you decided not to do that.

[herejusttosufferalong]

Ok here's my working theory. I just feel like getting it off my chest as I've been so confused about so much since the PT ended - like I just really haven’t been able to get my head around what happened with L. I would love your thoughts!

I do believe/agree with everyone's perception that L may have had feelings for N for a long time (maybe a spark since the beginning, and a fire since season 3). I don't know if I think N had a crush on him too, before or during season 3. They clearly have love and amazing chemistry. He sparkles with her and looks at her like she’s the love of his life. She sparkles with him too, but she also sparkles with everyone and even alone.

I don't know what happened during or after season 3 between the two of them (if anything did), but we know they ended up apart last summer and L found distractions (from his breakup with J, maybe from his feelings for N) in HBS and then, eventually, a budding relationship with A (of whatever kind it is). Maybe he even started to like A, and maybe he thought it could really go somewhere, who knows? He then sees N again at reshoots in December, and then the PT starts in January, and his big feelings are still there/get stronger as they spend time together again.

What I haven't been able to make sense of is how come, with these big feelings, he not only stayed with A through it all but also brought her around to different locations during the PT, where he was with N (and flirting with N) - because it seems to me that A's presence all but guaranteed that nothing would actually happen with N, so why would he want that outcome if he in fact wants N (and if N was available)? It seems clear that he doesn't have the same big feelings for A as he does for N. I also haven't made sense of how someone who seemed soooo sweet and lovely and doting and soft on the PT with N could be with, and return to, such a (seemingly) vapid situation with A, where he seems not only miserable but almost like a completely different person than he showed us during the PT and how his costars describe him to be (and he's also been treating A more poorly than he treated N - at least publicly).

Now, JD has been in N's orbit for at least 2 years - he's been in productions with Louisa, Laurie, and Dylan (at least). I also remember photos showing that he was at CW's wedding in October, so he's clearly been an entrenched part of the friend group for some time (the fact that they more recently followed each other on insta doesn’t mean they didn’t know each other before). So let's *assume* for a second that JD and N are actually together now (and that that's what the pap pictures show us). He seems to mesh well with who N is and her friends/lifestyle. What if N and JD's friendship had been blossoming, with more one-on-one time, turning into a mutual crush, then turning into something more at some point. What if L knew about this because it was taking place before/while N and L were on the PT together. If N and L are BFFs, N could have talked to L about what was happening with JD. And this would explain why L - to protect his heart - kept bringing A around on the PT (despite not seeming to enjoy her presence there) because he didn't want to be single while watching N fall in love with JD. 

Everyone wonders why on earth L brought A to the London premiere (especially given what ended up happening with pap-gate, which I personally don’t think L planned/knew about) - but you know what, JD was there with N's friends too! Maybe L knew that JD would be there, and he knew how shitty that would feel, so he also wanted to have someone with him too (hence A's presence). But remember the conversation on the red carpet, where they're asked for dating advice, and N kind of pointedly says, "wait for the right person, you're worth it" and L looks uncomfortable. Maybe that was N subtly expressing concern about L’s situation with A, as his BFF and not because of any romantic feelings she has for him. But of course, if L had unrequited (probably not communicated) big feelings for N, it explains his discomfort and also his subsequent behaviour with A - carrying on with her after pap-gate (Milan, LA, GQ/Soho House, bday in Italy), while looking miserable, as a continued distraction from his heartbreak over N. It could also explain why he let everything with his public image kind of go to shit (both because he was sad and also because he was still protective of N).

I agree with everyone that by the end of the PT, N started to return L’s heart-eyes and that of course remains confusing. But she's such an effusive and loving person, and she was so proud of him/them for their season and PT, and nostalgic that their big adventure together was ending, that maybe she was feeling so much love for L, her BFF, but not *in love* with L. (Her heart-eyes for Luke T at the London premiere is an example of how she can be so loving with her male friends.)

An imperfect theory, but it's the only one I've landed on, after being confused for months, that helps me to reconcile the L we saw in the PT (N's version of L) with the L of the summer (A and SoHoe’s version of L) - the latter of which has frankly confounded me! - because his summer  behaviour can then be explained as a symptom of his unrequited love (for N) and heartbreak (a Sad Boy Summer).

Does this means that L is (in Suffer’s words) still biding his time and waiting for the end of N and JD?

(Of course, big caveats to all this, we don't know anything! We don't know for sure N and JD are together, or what the status really is/was between L and A. This is all my perception of things from what they show us publicly, I’m just trying to make sense of my own confusion about L.)

this is all opinion 😔

[idkiwasntsupposedtobebackhere]

ok so since people didn’t cut my head off for my unpopular opinions i’m gonna expand on the second one. so for people in the gilmore girls fandom it’s pretty much the general opinion that luke is a saint for taking jess in and that jess screwed things up and that it’s his fault luke kicked him out. ”he got himself kicked out”. even people who like jess seem to think this is fair. so as someone who watches gilmore girls mostly for jess i have a different perspective that i’ve never actually vocalized but i figured maybe this little corner of the internet wouldn’t hate me for this, as long as it doesn’t make it out of here.

so i also first of all think that the fact that jess has to work at luke’s and graduate in order to stay there is a bit sad. like everyone around him his age has somewhere they can stay without conditions, and people wonder why he’s the only one worried about making money. and yes, it’s a fine idea in theory, he has to change his ways if he wants to stay with luke bc that’s the point of him being there, sure, but luke could stand to NOT always bring it up to jess during fights that can’t stay with him if he violates the conditions.

bc the thing is that luke very clearly makes it known that he doesn’t want jess there and that the whole situation is kind of a pain in his ass that he’s doing out of obligation. a minor is entitled to a place to stay where they can be an asshole unconditionally, actually, and they shouldn’t have to be constantly grateful to have that. and if luke didn’t want to fully commit and be that place, he should have said no to taking jess in. you don’t get to get all the praise for doing a good deed and then get all pissy about actually following through with it.

like i know luke and jess aren’t the main characters and that their scenes and dynamic are for comedy. but then they play off jess leaving as serious so i should be allowed to analyze their scenes seriously. and my conclusion is… luke is not that nice to jess LOL. like i can’t think of a single scene where he responds to him in any other manner than pissed off or annoyed. he never stops treating him like a bad kid. we know luke cares about jess but does jess have any reason to believe that? or does he think this is all for liz? like i know their scenes are jokes but for someone who complains so much about what a difficult person jess is to connect with, i think luke missed a lot of moments to do it.

luke taking jess in in general is nice, YES, but i’m not talking about just good intentions here. and i know that it was a very good intention but i, again, just super dislike the whole ”you wouldn’t have anywhere to stay if it wasn’t for me, so watch it”-attitude. even in season 4 luke basically said that jess had to come to liz’ wedding because he was there for him when no one else was. and i think that’s a shitty thing to say to someone who deserved more. i know luke didn’t have to do it bc he’s not his parent and that’s why people forgive him and not liz, who is his parent and did have to do it. but i think luke agreed to be jess’ parent and if he didn’t want to, he could have said no to his sister for once in his life. anyways, i think i’ve made my point.

also, i love you luke, my world just revolves around your nephew. i know i’m putting a lot of unrealistic expectations on a guy who’s pretty emotionally constipated. and he did come through with the big things, like giving jess money in sesson 4. but i’m talking about the little things that could have made even more of a difference. just don’t get it twisted ok, luke and jess’ relationship is my fave on the show, i may like it even more than rory and jess’, but when i enjoy something i analyze it. so don’t think i don’t love them, because i do! i just want to squash the idea that luke did everything he could but that jess ultimately was too difficult, because i disagree with that.

[sc0tters]

A Needed Apology | Nico Hischier

summary: you go to a bar where you think it’s a coincidence that you run into Nico, little do you know that he planned it all.

song: Uh Oh - Tate McRae

request: yes/no

warnings: swearing, toxic Nico is still here.

word count: 1.43k

authors note: originally when someone request this song I had no clue what to write for it but I was listening to the playlist that I made for the celly and this song came after the song from part one and I realised that this is how you guys are getting the part two for this! If you want to check out the rest of the celly playlist you can do so here!

pt 1

It had been a rough four months for you.

You truly thought that Nico was the reason why your problems started but it seemed that leaving him only caused more. Sure it was easy finding yourself a little one bed apartment in the heart of Newark but you couldn’t stop thinking about him.

Nico was everywhere, literally. The billboards, the ads, the local news and newspapers, even on social media because you had followed the Devils for such a long time that your account didn’t seem to notice when you unfollowed the Devils as the universe wanted you to feel the pain of seeing Nico content scattered throughout your for you pages.

A friend suggested that you put yourself onto a dating app, not because they wanted you to find some rebound but because they thought you needed a confidence boost.

Well what a real confidence boost it was when you were in the middle of swiping through different profiles and you were faced with Nicos. Sure it was hypocritical but seeing him on there was a punch to your gut, however, it did make you think back to his alleged mistress that he had been seen with the day after you broke up with him.

It was like a last resort when your friends dragged you to a bar, the shitty week you had combined with the pictures of some girl leaving a restaurant under the comfort of Nico’s arm meant that you were in dire need of a pick me up.

Despite what the steady stream of girls in and out of Nico’s life the captain truly did miss you. He didn’t enjoy sitting at home on the couch alone because all he’d end up doing was just stare at your seat.

Yes you were that kind of couple, your big L shaped couch had a cushion that you sat on and it was right next to Nico’s.

His coping methods certainly weren’t healthy but it was very much like bandaid on a duct tape size hole. For every girl in his bed it was less space that you had available for you to haunt his mind.

It was a major blow to the ego watching you walk out of the door to your apartment, yes you were putting on a brave face for your friends but that didn’t stop Nico from growing irritated.

You two were meant to be the total end game of couples, the big proposal with the Disney princess wedding, it was all meant to be in your future but you just threw it all away.

And for what? Sure Nico hadn’t accepted any type of boyfriend duty over the last month but that wasn’t his fault, he had been going through a rough patch as an ice hockey player and as an NHL team captain so you had to be put on the back burner.

It honestly surprised him when you left he couldn’t even really process what happened because two days later and he was already on a flight starting a fourteen day road trip.

Your dating profile had thrown him off. Really he had no clue why you were on that app, not when he was trying to get you back at least.

Sure his efforts might have been unsuccessful, he tried calling your friends, even showing up to their apartments asking where you were but none of them ever said a word usually acting like they weren’t home.

They had also blocked Nico from everything on your phone so that he couldn’t try to call, because they all knew you’d go running back the moment he called.

So when he finally got a sighting of life from you as the captain stared over Jacks shoulder to see your Instagram story with the caption girls night.

He knew what he had to do. Yes it was a little unorthodox but Nico knew the only bar in the whole of Jersey that you went to with your friends. The group loved the atmosphere and the bartenders so you guys were never going to change things.

And that’s how it happened, Nico walked in and within milliseconds he had found you.

You were talking to some guy who seemed to find everything you said hilarious.

Nico didn’t often get jealous but when you put your hand on the boys arm it unlocked a part of the captain that only you could find.

That was the thing about you two, Nico did love you and that part was real. But the fame and stress of being captain had officially gotten to him and maybe that meant it would be better if you weren’t in his life anymore. At least then he couldn’t fuck your life up anymore than he already had.

Yet when that guy leaned down to kiss you it had the Swiss man striding over to you quicker than he could try to apologise “hey schatzi!” Nico called out causing your head to quickly whip around.

You thought you were dreaming when you locked eyes with Nico “you didn’t tell me you had a boyfriend,” the boy you had been talking to spat as he sent you a glare “keep that bitch bro,” he added as he turned his attention to Nico.

The captain really wished that he didn’t say that “what’d you just call her?” He scoffed as he furrowed his eyebrows “a fucking bitch,” the younger of the two boys repeated himself.

All you could do was watch on as Nico grabbed him by the shirt “that wasn’t very nice,” Nico pointed out as he clenched his fist causing you to realise what was going on.

It was like clockwork as you quickly tried to get between the two of them “he isn’t worth it Neeks,” you placed your hand on the captains shoulder as you sent him a serious look.

But that didn’t seem to work “he can’t be calling you shit like that,” as right as Nico was you didn’t want to cause a scene “if you let him go I’ll talk,” you offered as you pursed your lips into a thin line.

Clearly that’s why he came over to you right?

Nico didn’t even have to think about it as he dropped the boy sending him a glare that caused him to scurry off “outside,” you motioned to the door knowing that your friends would kill you if they saw you with him.

He grabbed your hand as you pulled him outside “and I’m not your fucking schatzi anymore,” you added as you scoffed.

The captain had to say that he really thought it would be easier getting you back “baby-” Nico tried to reach out as you continued pacing back and forth at the entrance of the bar.

You sent him a glare as you stopped “I dumped you Neeks I can’t be your baby anymore either!” You added as you began to grow frustrated.

Nico sighed as he held his hand out for you to grab so that he could pull you closer “I know I fucked up baby,” he mumbled as he let his hands fall to your waist as you stood between his legs.

It was pathetic the way you practically melted into his touch “let me make it up to you,” he proposed as his voice went soft.

Anyone who saw you would have thought that you were a couple calming down after a night, not one who was trying to get back together.

But when you remained silent it gave Nico the green light to continue talking “I missed you ya know?” He confessed as he tucked your hair behind your face giving him a chance to really look at you.

Your lips formed a pout “no you didn’t,” you shook your head “not when you’ve got all of those girls.” That was your way of telling him that you knew about them all and that you weren’t actually impressed by it.

The boy smiled “they don’t compare to you,” he whispered as he hooked his two fingers under your jaw.

That should have been the moment you ran away “promise?” You asked voice barely a whisper at this point.

Nico nodded “of course I do baby,” before you knew it the Swiss man leaned in to kiss you. It wasn’t earth shattering or suffocating either, it was hungry but sweet. He let his tongue swipe across your bottom lip and just as you were about to let him in you pulled away.

“Take me home Neeks or lose me forever,”

[ideas-4-stories]

Warning: A bit dubious consentish

Cross Guild Romance: Royalty AU. Buggy is the overlooked younger son of the king of a small kingdom, ostracized because of his nose. In order to secure protection from enemies, Buggy's father basically sells in in an arranged marriage to the rulers of Cross Guild Kingdom, King Crocodile and his prince consort Mihawk who have a terrifying reputation. Buggy is carted off to Cross Guild kingdom where instead of a warm welcome, he's whisked off to training to satisfy his soon to be husbands. The training is designed to make blushing virgin Buggy an expert in all things intimate without actually deflowering him in the process. He's taught to be meek and submissive. The grand wedding happens, Buggy is enthralled at the first sight of his new husbands, but also terrified. On their wedding night, Crocodile callously tells Mihawk to bed Buggy first just to get things over with. Mihawk looks completely disinterested and looks at Buggy like he's a chore and Crocodile's just waiting his turn. Instead of being disheartened, Buggy gets supper pissed off. He literally grabs an unsuspecting Mihawk by his hair, yanks him into bed, and forgets all about being shy and submissive as he uses all of his training to drive Mihawk absolutely insane and deflowers himself with his yellow eyed husband on HIS terms, all the while the two of them completely forgetting about Crocodile. Crocodile is gobsmacked by the show in front of him, not used to being completely ignored but enthralled by this unexpected turn. When Buggy's done with Mihawk, he turns fiery eyes to Crocodile and simply tells his husband king to get his ass in bed so Mihawk can have a show too. Crocodile obeys and has his own mind blowing experience with Buggy. Buggy however, breaks down afterwards and rips both of his husbands a new one for thinking they could treat him so poorly in the beginning and deliberately choosing to ignore him the moment he came to their kingdom. Crocodile and Mihawk aren't used to someone being openly furious with them, but they are genuinely apologetic and regretful and vow to make it up to Buggy. They earn his forgiveness eventually and even help Buggy get sweet revenge on his father for basically discarding him as a bargaining chip. Crocodile and Mihawk may be the rulers of their kingdom, but it's Buggy who loved and rules them.

Ooooooo I’ve seen a story about Cross Guild leader being kings. I think it was called Kings and Clowns, it’s a great story! All right back to this ask, younger son does that mean he has a brother or siblings? Anyway, what kind of welcome is that? WTF!?!

Further MORE!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT TRAINING! Absolutely NOT!!! Truthly, I’m surprised that Buggy didn’t blow the place up a couple times, because if he did I don’t think he would of passed. Holy stars above and beyond, how did Buggy do it? We may never know…

Crocodile said WHAT!?! Bro did not just say that to Buggy, holy stars Buggy really showed that he shouldn’t be treated that way. I can’t but giggle at the expression I’m thinking that Crocodile has on his face!

Poor Buggy being whisked away for a weird training as soon as he came to his new home after being forced into a contracted marriage by his shitty father. I don’t like Buggy’s father in this AU at all! May Buggy have a wonderful time screwing over his father.

[k-odyssey]

Wedding Impossible | ep 7-8

It's been a while since I've watched a drama where a kiss makes me physically feel something. This one definitely did. And it had everything to do with the build-up.

You have Ji Han, who's been going through all five stages of grief re:his unwanted but very real feelings for his future sister-in-law. Invoking god and buddha. Folding paper cranes. Anything to stop feeling like a shitty brother.

And then the tables turn. He's told about Do Han's secret. Suddenly his hyung is in the wrong. Not because he's into boys but because it looks like he's using Ah Jeong. Everything is fair game now, as long as he can protect her.

Ah Jeong has also been busy crushing her feelings, after Ji Han's denial. She showed her vulnerable side, half-admitting that she liked him, and he shot her down.

She's a good actress but there's a difference between playing a role on screen/on stage, and turning your life into a web of lies. She's miserable, especially looking at her parents.

So we have repressed feelings on both sides. And the kind of exhaustion that comes from telling lies all day to keep up appearances. They even admitted that to each other on the set.

Ji Han finally decides to be honest, with himself and with Ah Jeong. About his own feelings anyway. Even if he has an ulterior motive for telling her then, he's finally saying something true. And she is broken and mad. Because she's been working so hard at keeping up the lie. She made a promise too.

But once the truth of his feelings is out, she can hardly pretend they aren't mutual and kisses him. And honestly, some of the best fictional kisses come after a big conflict. It has meaning. They're bridging that gap. They're embracing this love, in spite of it all.

Other things I enjoyed ep 8:

the choice of having no soundtrack during the important scenes (the brothers' fight, the confession). honestly a badly-timed song can easily ruin a build-up.

they both seem a little startled at the reciprocation. like "oh so you do like me."

Ah Jeong's interlude on set where she remembers who she is for a while. How Ji Han is a genuine fan of hers.

What Ji Han told the ex.

Ji Han kept calling Do Han selfish but I hope he takes some of that back later. I know it was mostly cuz he thinks Ah Jeong is being used. But he's also hurt at the lack of trust and I mean, it's hardly easy to come out in a conservative society. There was no guarantee that Ji Han would be accepting. Though it's disconcerting that he never tries to gage Ji Han's feelings. Could be as easy as watching a movie with secondary gay characters in it? To see if he reacts? Idk.

I'm conflicted. We'll see how that goes.

It's kind of funny to think how bad Ji Han and Ah Jeong will look from the outside. Though I'm sure she'd take the worst of the remarks. But considering she's only leaving a fake relationship for a real one, and he's only admitting to liking her cuz he knows his brother's gay, the gossip will be BAD. And there's really no easy way to fix that. Only live with it or Do Han comes out publicly.

Ji Han will be hurt when he realizes what was really happening tho (the contract). Not looking forward to this conversation.

Hope their little trip to escape reality next week won't mess up with the pacing. Should be fun to watch tho!

Edit: just fixed the episode numbers, oops.

[mediumtires]

It's two days into the summer break and I'm already going through vroom vroom withdrawals, so I re-read Seven Years then decided to nitpick season 5 of DTS. Seven Years is so stuck in my head (especially with last weekend's ass grab) that I started to wonder how Christian and Toto's relationship would affect DTS. Would there be a full episode about their relationship? Would they be more included in each other's episodes? Would Netflix try to get footage of the two acting like a couple? The only guarantee is that Tumblr would be analysis every interaction between the two because we already do that.

Also, I use Microsoft Edge over google so I thought you might find this funny.

The first thing they list is that he is a racing driver, not a successful team principal, a racing driver. :p

ohhh this is such an interesting take!

personally i didn’t make dts a thing in seven years because i just didn’t want to deal with the mess of it. it adds a whole other layer of emotional clusterfucks of being exposed to the wider public (outside of the f1 bubble even), even more cameras following them around the paddock, mic-ed up 24/7. there is a snippet i started writing after the whole “change your fucking car” business that i couldn’t even finish because the whole thing was so messy and i could not come up with a proper way to solve this because i was so embarrassed for them lmao.

but let’s walk for a second. let’s say their involuntary outing happens and dts are around for it all, i do think netflix would be a perfect vessel to promote lgbtq+ visibility and rights in motorsports and both pr teams would jump at the chance. obviously an outing like this is a huge fuck up marketing wise, nothing was planned, no one was prepared for it so they’d need to act quick and with netflix around, they’d have the perfect opportunity to angle the narrative any way they want. plus for netflix it would obviously mean Millions. everyone and their mother would watch the new season.

not sure they’d have a full episode. don’t think christian or toto would agree to this during some of the worst moments of their lives lol and in seven years i tried my best to not glorify or romanticise a shitty situation like being outed by someone else against your will. but i do think they’d both still want to be on dts, they enjoy the spotlight and the attention too much. in my mind they’d both show up to their netflix interviews smirking, a little ala “look at you and your lil cameras, i had a secret you couldn’t even imagine being true, you only know the things i choose to tell you, i’m in charge here”. to me that’s kind of a power move. i also think certain questions would simply be blacklisted so all we’d get would be ambiguous layered eye-twinkling comments about the rival team principal while touching their wedding rings. “oh toto slammed that desk *eye roll* yeah he’s so emotional *smirk*” or “christian has a big mouth, don’t believe everything he says, i don’t” or “singapore last year? yeah i think…. i think we won. did we? can’t remember, i was a little busy” but they don’t ever talk about singapore directly.

post outing i don’t think we’d get much husband material on dts. i tried very hard to write them as being private about their relationship and i still think that rings true, even post outing. there were instances where i thought it’d be significant and meaningful to them as a couple to show their support for each other a little more publicly (or maybe just a little less secretively) but those moments were about them more so than an act for the public or the cameras. in my mind they wouldn’t walk hand in hand through the paddock just because they can, not mid season on a thursday morning anyway. they’re professionals and they’re at work. but it’s a different thing when a netflix camera zooms in on them through a window and they’re having a quiet lunch tucked away in some corner of rb hospitality, or a brush of hands or a discreet smile when they pass each other somewhere and a camera is around to pick up on it.

so that’s my take! the most interesting angle to me though is how the public perception suddenly changes from seeing them as individuals to seeing them as a unit. it rewires your brain from “oh these two are fun, they hate each other” to “oh these two….. don’t hate each other. in actuality they…. they seem to love each other enough to be…. husbands. huh”

[sea-salted-wolverine]

Do you ever have a moment where a passing recollection from childhood flutters through your brain, and you almost don't consider it until you realized that it was actually really fucking strange? And then you call your mom, and hesitatingly because you don't really trust your six-year-old imagination and memory, describe your version of events and ask for the perspective of someone who was an adult at the time, only to have her offer clarification that is perhaps a dozen times more bat shit than what you thought happened?

I was 6. I might have been 5. Maybe 7. I dont really know. It's not important. My brother is 4 years younger than me and he could walk and had teeth at the time. That is important.

We were regularly going to service at my grandmother's church. There was a children's area/playground/daycare thing that was offered as an alternative for sermons so no one had to deal with the loud fidgety babies. I think, like I said, I don't super trust my recollection.

There was a disagreement. I made someone cry. There was no hitting. We were asked to leave and then only showed up to church again after that on Easters and Christmas.

That's what I remember. Which isn't a huge deal until you think about how badly things had to go for an entire family to get kicked church. Semi permanently. So I asked about it several decades later.

Let it be said that I am an atheist not because I had some grand dramatic break up with God, but because there just was no religion at all in my life, certainly nothing that's stuck. This is why. It is also worth noting that this happened within like a month.

So first, the pastor/the reverend/someone in charge was embezzling money. How? Is that even possible? Fuck if I know. My grandmother did not go to church for the reverence or the religion, she went for the politics. She's the kind of woman who enjoys holding power over other people. She and Pop-pop were at elders at the church and had opinions about the misappropriation of funds. It gives me joy to conceptualize this in the tones of some gritty mafia movie so that's how it's gonna be. There was a titanic covert power struggle over the fiscal health of this suburban community church.

Dad actually did have a dramatic break up with the bad boyfriend that is God. How and where exactly this happened in the timeline is unclear.

Mom and Granny were both in the bell's choir. Singing and music and fun times. Also quite a bit of homophobia. This was the nineties and a different church down the road had announced they were open to having gay weddings. This resulted a fervor of gossip and unchristian remarks about awful degenerates burning in hell. Mom did not appreciate this and managed to create a schism throughout the choir, starting a cold war of dirty looks and sneers. Evidently the music took a turn for the shitty as well. To be clear, This was not a case of activism or allyship. This was a group of people who believed themselves to be superior for not being gay versus a group of people who believed themselves superior for not gossiping.

The day care thing, turned out to be a series of separate incidences. The first being when baby me having hyperfixated on Greek myths decided to info dump on my sister and inform her that the Greek gods were just stories and fake, just like jesus and the Christian God. This also resulted in some consternation from the adult who is supposed to be watching us and in theory guiding us towards a more godly life. Supposedly there was a serious talk with my parents after the fact. However there have been so many serious talks with my parents about my behavior and the things that come out of my mouth that they have in fact blurred together and even my mom has no idea what I did. It is worth noting that this probably did not help my dads Spiritual Questioning.

There were several other incidences but the culminating moment, the one that wound up with us walking out mid service to never return, started when my mother's 17 year old cat died fighting something in the Bush.

This cat was an outdoor cat and as a result kill a lot of things. Baby me had a very good idea of what dead animals looked like and everything that entailed. Baby me had also not really been formally introduced to the concept of heaven, which seems like an oversight on the part of some adult.

So at the day care thing we are all sitting in a circle, going around, and talking about sad things that have happened to this group of slightly older than toddlers so we will have something to pray about. There is another little girl whose cat has died.

I would like to think that the adult version of me would have handled this better.

The long and the short of it is, I informed everyone that heaven wasn't real, dead things stay dead forever, there isn't really such thing as a soul, especially not for cats. Just imagine the worst tone-deaf atheist asshole you know, except 6.

So, she started bawling. The adult that is meant to be in charge is just staring at me in horror. No one told him that he would have to explain the afterlife today. And they really didn't mention that he would be cross-examined by a critical six-year-old while another one sobs.

The conversation that followed had to be hilarious, but due to the foibles of my brain and the intervening decades, I do not remember it at all. A great loss for us all.

Remember how I said it was important that my baby brother has teeth at this point? While I am engaged in theological debate with an increasingly desperate Day care worker, my wonderful loving and loyal baby brother is told that I am a mean person. While this is arguably true, he also loves me. Significantly more than he loves common sense. Or manners. Or Jesus for that matter. His big sister is the best person in the world, actually.

Queue the fighting for my honor.

Yes, he started biting.

My sister is an empathetic cryer and is now also sobbing.

The poor daycare man has not convinced me that heaven exists, but he's now wondering if this is the threshold of hell. Someone goes to get mom or dad or granny or anyone who can do anything about the tiny heathens unleashed on the kiddy hour.

So, yeah. We never went back. Only my sister ever missed it. Next Sunday, Mom told us to go explore the abandoned gravel pit for an hour or so.

[farfarawaygirl]

after a bit of a hiatus, I am back to posting about The Rookie. My Thoughts from 5x06 The Reckoning 

We had a cold open! And it was kind of funny. Did it remind anyone of that PSA about many weapons a person could conceal, and at the end they pull a full-on rifle out of the guys' jeans? Anyone? 

Yawn - I don’t care where or when Nolan and Bailey wed. I just want Abigail to be there! Henry too!!

It is interesting to see them circle back to the Elijah Stone case - will there be any actual development, or is this to introduce Wes’ ex(who is a Rosalind lookalike?)

Juarez is not a fun character? I am not liking her. She is underwritten. She fell asleep on the job, STANDING UP, and Nolan didn’t light her up? Tim took pictures and made t-shirts. It feels like Nolan isn’t understanding his job of being a TO - even later in the episode he kind of flips and lets Angela know the idea was Juarez’s even though as her TO, especially at this stage in the game, any good she does is on him - but any bad she does is even more on his shoulders. I don’t feel like Nolan is teaching so much as he is letting her do things? Very different from any TO approach before. 

I have the same bronze top as Angela. I would not put it with leather pants, but that is just me. 😉

“Everyone loves James”, this is true. 

Celina is so unprofessional!! It makes me uncomfortable. 

Lucy knowing his coffee truck makes me think of season 1/2. Lots of old headcanons we concocted, and fic ideas. A memory of what it was like when Chenford rode together. 

J August Richards? Interesting to see the Whedon connection here. I often wonder how much Fillion’s credit is vanity vs actual; we see from Instagram that he does a lot of cool behinds the scenes things for the team, which makes me think he might have more say than he lets on. Giving a friend a role is nice! 

Tim’s favourite movie. Remaining unnamed just means we get to guess. I want it to be Princess Bride, but alas, it wasn’t filmed in LA. What if it was a muppet movie?!? It is objectively sad that the only person who knows Tim enough to do this is Lucy. I hope we get more Genny in the future, give him more people. 

I reserve the right to change my mind on this, but I appreciated that in the midst of Tim and Lucy having banter over the radios (and I do still feel the prank was childish) they did have a shared moment of connection. Even though Tim didn’t tell her what was going on, they dropped the act. 

Now Bailey is training Nolan’s rookie? 🫠 Her sleeping on Nolan’s couch?

Now Wesley is a cheater? Ugh. I hate past reveals that people were shitty. 

Angela’s hair!!! It’s curly again. 

Wait, he has never told Angela that he was engaged before her, or that he cheated. Those are pretty big red flags for me personally, and I know this is a tv show and it is not the same - but yikes.  As Keith Habersberger would say, “not in this climate!”

Angela in her deposition was as hard and sharp as we know and love her to be. 

Tim’s phallic antenna. Lucy taking a pic of him. Bitch baby not telling Lucy! 🙃

Hot Uncle Cooper letting us all down, again. 

Okay, so let’s talk Chenford: I liked them this episode. I liked that Lucy tried, but when she felt it wasn’t working she stopped her game and let Tim know that she wasn’t going to push it. To me, this felt like a good callback to season 1/2 Chenford - Lucy knowing how to get Tim to open up. She knows how to push and when to pull back, and as a result, Tim told her the whole of it. 

While the Ashley/Tim breakup itself was badly done, at least he told her that it was Ashley. I feel like this is important. 

And then Lucy invites him to eat with them. The cajones. I am glad Tim declines. And that we got two look backs. 

Also, wardrobe does have clothes that make Lucy look good? Not hideous pants and oversized sweaters?? Hallelujah! Our girl was hot. 🔥

Elijah is back, back? Could he be the big bad for the next two episodes a la Rosalind? 😇

And that promo?!? Did you see Tim’s expression? Lucy’s eyebrow?

On a finale note, I think this season is running more smoothly than last simply because we have no had so many interrupted episodes. Last year it felt we had two episodes, then three weeks off, then one episode, then two weeks off, etc. etc. etc. 

Thanks for sticking around! Remember anyone can post about this show, and anyone can feel however they want to about it! you can’t gatekeep this one. 

[galahadiant]

hey gang check out my horrible guys cw: heavy drinking, shitty dysfunctional relationships. technically cal was also getting misgendered this whole time but I've chosen to use his actual name and pronouns for my own comfort

01.

“Dear, don’t fidget,” whispers Jonah through gritted teeth, and Cal locks his ankles together to try to keep his legs from jiggling under his skirt. Jonah pats his arm with one gloved hand, a strained little gesture, but sweet. Cal can feel that people are staring at them across the table, and he goes back to focusing on his oyster fork. 

Jonah is so patient with Cal, they must be thinking. Cal can never control himself at these things, and Jonah never shouts. Plenty of people in Cal’s family would have lost patience by now, including the cousin glaring at him from across the table. He can feel sweat beading on the back of his neck. This dress has a high lace collar that’s awfully uncomfortable.

 He carefully detaches the oyster from the shell with the tines of the fork. He doesn’t really like oysters. but he chokes another one down just for the look of the thing. Jonah gives him a small smile when he looks up, and quickly moves one of the remaining oysters onto his own plate.

...Jonah is so patient.

02.

Cal drinks straight from the bottle, leaning back against one of the velvet curtains and letting it half envelop him. It’s green velvet, dark. Darker than the trees in the greenhouse. He presses his cheek into it. It’s so soft. It smells like dust. The sky outside the big bay windows in the gallery is butter-and-gold with sulfuric clouds, and the colors waver pleasantly in his vision. 

He takes another swig from the bottle of brandy and gives a small cough as it goes down just a little too fast and hot. Oh, well. It’s starting to taste pretty good now that he’s—

“Are you drunk?” demands Jonah, wrenching the bottle out of Cal’s hand. Cal jumps, briefly scrabbling at the folds of the velvet drapery like he thinks he can sink into it. Maybe he can just hide underneath it and sneak away. Jonah’s voice is so loud.

“We’re about to leave to shop for your wedding dress!” Jonah splutters. He sets the half-empty bottle down on a table, where it’s certainly going to leave a ring of condensation, and extracts Cal from the curtains. “My mother is going to be there,” he adds, more horrified.

“Still don’t get why your mother is coming.”

“I— okay, I don’t either. She insisted, though, so we’d better put on a good show. We’ll get you some water on the way down.” He’s checking them over with his quick, precise little movements, pinning hair back in place, ruffling back out the lace front of their dress. Cal loves how…precise Jonah is. So good at picking up the pieces. Jonah’s always picking up pieces. 

Cal tears up a little. “Sorry,” he says.

Jonah shakes his head and picks up Cal’s velvet jacket, discarded on top of a bookshelf. “You know, your problem is that you’re selfish,” he says. He won’t meet their eyes. “You never think about how much your actions affect other people.” 

“It— it’s MY damn wedding dress!” Cal retorts. “It’s you who went and made it into a production!” 

“Volume,” Jonah says, softly.

Cal wheels on his heel and slams Jonah into a wall. There’s a sharp crack as his head collides with the wooden paneling. The bookshelves rattle, and Jonah grunts. He stares at Cal for a second, brows furrowed, and slowly removes their hand from his arm. 

“…I’m so sorry,” says Cal, aghast. He drops his hand and takes a step backwards, a little unsteady on his feet.

“That’s going to leave a lump,” says Jonah, his voice very distant and sharp on the edges. “I suppose you’re pleased with yourself.”

“No, I’m not, I promise—!”

Jonah pinches the bridge of his nose. “Let’s go get some water, and I’ll ECHO our parents to let them know we’re delayed.” He sighs.

“I’m just nervous, I think,” says Cal mournfully. The stairs are kind of tricky to go down drunk, especially with the hem of his dress getting in the way. “I can’t help it, I haven’t liked any of the dresses we’ve looked at so far, they’re all…they make me feel lumpy.”

“Very few people can go wrong in tailored clothes, and we’ll be getting yours tailored,” says Jonah, not reassuringly. “And if you can’t pick one our parents can just pick one for you. You needn’t get so worried about it.” 

He gives them a small smile when they get to the kitchen. “It shouldn’t be stressful,” he adds. “Drink. And take this, it might help clear your head.” He pushes a pill into their hand and they swallow it obediently. 

“Sorry,” says Cal again.

“I’m sure you’ll look wonderful,” says Jonah, who is looking out the window and absentmindedly rubbing the back of his head.

03.

Dear Jonah,

I’m sorry. I couldn’t go through with it. I’m afraid I’ve been lying to you. It turns out that I’m a guy, actually, and I think you might have been able to tell recently, and I know that’s not something you’re ready to deal with. 

I want to see the rest of the galaxy. I want to have adventures. I want to go places where there are people in danger and help them and I want to be in and out of some real, actual danger. Not just falling out of trees or cloud-diving. Maybe I really am selfish, but I'm also drunk, and I don't care. By the time you read this I'll be offworld.

You can tell everyone I had a nervous break. They’ll believe you. Your mother never liked me much anyway.

My name is Calix, by the way. I guess you deserve to know.

Love you.

04.

Dear Calix,

I don’t think you’re sorry at all.

Don’t try to reach me again.

[1d1195]

oooooooohhhhhh sam you. did. NOT.

both me and harry are so mad at you right now because WHAT ?:?:!/?/?/?- WHEN I TELL YOU I ALMOST CRIED WHEN I SAW THE DIVIDER AND REALIZED THAT WAS THE END😭😭 (all jokes ofc we all adore you)

OMGGGG THAT WAS SOOOOOO GOOD I CANT😫 meeting her dad and everything he said was adorableee, and, ofc i didn’t like them arguing but it was very realistic !!! and i love how you wrote it bc it is hard to be vulnerable with things like that especially when you’re already stubborn and not someone who opens up😭 and him !!! i knowww that man wanted to cave so bad but he just couldn’t WHICH IS ALSO SOOOO REAL WHEN YOURE SUPER STUBBORN i understood both sides (can you tell how hard headed i am lol)

OK NOOWWWW MY THOUGHTS ON THE PREVIOUS DING PARTS YAY (i’ve been writing them down until i could send this): WHEN HE DIDNT EVEN CARE ABT WINNING HE WAS JUST LOOKING FOR HERRRR OMFGGGG I MELTED (there’s a taylor swift lyric abt this she says: “where’s the trophy? he just comes running over to me !!☺️” ITS SO THEM), the way they’re so obsessed with each other they can’t focus on anything ??😫😫😫 i feel so bad MC keeps getting dragged into remembering that shitty date and i am SO interested in her backstory !!!!! THE WAY YOU SET THAT UP ??? I WAS SO INTO IT I NEED TO KNOW RIGHT AWAY OMGGGG just everything you do is perfect honestly thank you SO MUCH for your writing, you have NO idea how much i look forward to it, like seriously when i see that you’ve updated i make SURE i get some alone time so i can enjoy that fic😉

i cannot wait until the next part bc i was def hooked but now im hooked 😭😭

i don’t have much to update on but one of the weddings happened !! it was so much fun getting to see everyone i used to know, lots of people flew in and it was amazing we all kept saying how it felt like old times. i caught ANOTHER cold :(( it came out of nowhere its just a sore throat and stuffy nose but omggg is it annoying, ive never really had bad allergies or anything like that before so idk what this is but its pissing me off😭

howve you been ??? tell me everything i hope you have the best day ever today <3

~🎶

“Me and Harry are so mad at you” that’s so real 🤣

I am also insanely stubborn and hide stuff. I hate being vulnerable. No one has ever let me—including myself. So it was cathartic to write that scene tbh. But I am stubborn through and through for sure.

I love the T-swift analogy. That’s so cute! 💕 they are obsessed with each other at the end of the day. They’re sweet I think 🥰

I feel like recently I have gotten more creative in setting up backstory and showing not telling kind of thing.

Honestly, May has been really rough. I’m kinda struggling. But I’ll be okay. Just a lot at once. That’s great about the wedding. It sounds like a lot of fun! A cold is no good. That’s how I feel rn. I think it might be allergies because it seems to be subsiding already from yesterday.

I hope you have a fantastic rest of your week 💕 can’t wait to hear from you again!

Xoxo

[thatonedemonnamedlucifer]

SHADOW REVIEWS - MARRY MY HUSBAND

Decided to do a little series on this blog titled "Shadow Reviews" where I review some random shit (tv shows, books, etc). I'll start off by reviewing a webtoon I've been i n v e s t e d in for quite some time now, that webtoon being Marry my Husband! I won't give away too much, but the review is not entirely spoiler free so tread lightly! Additionally, please don't start discourse! These are all my personal thoughts. (Brief TW for mentions of domestic violence, financial abuse and illness)

PLOT SUMMARIZED: We start the story off with our protagonist, Jiwon Kang, who is dying of cancer. Minhwan Park, her husband is not answering any of her texts or giving her money she needs for treatment. She eventually returns home and finds Minhwan cheating on her with her best friend, Sumin Jeong (I'm hoping I spelled that right). And also finds out that Minhwan has basically been spending all her money. Jiwon attempts to confront the two, but Minhwan ends up murdering her in cold blood. But then Jiwon is brought back to life... back in time ten years before her death, and during the year she married Minhwan. Jiwon decides to get her revenge on both Minhwan and Sumin by making them marry each other. In the process, she develops a friendship with two co-workers, Juran Yang and Huiyeon Yu, and eventually falls in love with her boss, Jihyeok Yu. I won't go any further than that because I don't wanna spoil the story too much. WHAT I LIKED:

While I don't normally read webtoons, let alone isekai stories and romance stories, this one somehow won me over because of the plot alone. I love that while Jiwon is mainly focused on avenging her own death, she also tries to help her own co-workers, especially Mrs. Yang (who btw has the CUTEST KID :DDD) Also. Huiyeon. That's all I have to say here. While I wish Jiye and her friends got a bigger role, I still love those characters. From them crashing Sumin's wedding to helping Jiwon expose Sumin and Minhwan as assholes, Jiye and the girls definitely won me over. Lastly, Sumin. No, not the character herself, but how she was portrayed in the story. While Minhwan was the shitty ex-husband, I think Sumin is definitely supposed to be the main villain of the story, and the perfect foil to Jiwon. I don't have much complains about how she was written. Oh yeah. That one scene where Minhwan tries to confront Jiwon in her apartment... only to be greeted by a mean looking guy who immediately takes a disliking to Minhwan. That was funny lmfao. WHAT I DIDN'T LIKE:

Speaking of, Minhwan's character was... kind of flat to be honest. There's not much to know about him besides the fact he's a cheater, abuser and a murderer. I do wish I learned more about him. Additionally, Mr. Lee, Jiye and her friends, and the other minor characters definitely deserved more appearances than they had. I am DEFINITELY not a fan of the "prettier without glasses" trope that showed up here to say the least. Tbh, as cute as they are together near the end, Jiwon and Mr.Yu's first interactions were... uncomfortable to say the least. Lastly, and this is mostly my personal preferences rather than an issue I have with the story itself but I need to say it anyway: Can the fake pregnancy trope just FUCKING DIE already.

OVERALL THOUGHTS:

It's not the greatest love story by any means, and it's not for everyone, but I would definitely recommend for folks to atleast read up to Episode 47 to say the least. This is definitely one of very few romance stories that I actually enjoyed even with some of it's issues. I'm especially looking forward to the side stories which I might review as well! FINAL RATING - 9.5/10.

[jeremy-ken-anderson]

Love That Has Been and Hasn’t

My first crush was named Ashley. She was 18 and I was six and I thought she was the most beautiful person I’d ever seen and frankly it wasn’t just kid-eyes talking because I have the yearbook from that school and she really did look like a model. She signed my yearbook and called me a Cool Little Dude. I’ll take the win; That was the best possible outcome there.

One girl I know of had a crush on me in middle school. Unfortunately for everyone involved she expressed this with teasing and I had zero patience for that kind of love language, so I hated her.

Also in middle school my science camp buddy was really cute and TV had taught me I was supposed to ask for her number if I liked her, so I did. I never called her; I hadn’t seen TV shows where that happened, yet.

There were four crushes in high school - two were tragic in that I found out years later that the girls involved had crushes on me at the same time and then Nothing Ever Came Of It. Although it did feel nice when I learned that the girl I’d considered Way Out of My League had a crush on me.

Things got really messy once I got into college. And by “messy” I mostly mean “I was at all willing to act on my feelings” and therefore any stupidity I got up to wasn’t just in my head. I declared love for a friend in the anime club and pretty much ruined our friendship, expressed a crush for another and got shot down, tried to revive things with one of the high school crushes and got shot down, and was a rebound boyfriend for a couple months. The reason she wanted to break up was she was sure we would eventually - This seemed tautological to me but I also didn’t feel authorized to argue with it. Like, it’s not like shooting down bad logic in a woman’s argument for why she wants to break up with you is going to put the relationship in a good long-term place, you know? That relationship was really fun while it lasted and I’m sad it ended so soon.

I had a really weird, brief mutual interest where I was one of a couple people seeing whether very attractive friend wanted to rebound onto us or go back to the guy she was actually hurting from. I still think she made the right choice, going back to him, and it was a beautiful wedding and the two of them are a great couple with a great kid.

After college I had a crazy courtship and love and marriage where I did all the stuff one could do that didn’t require the other person in the relationship to be a specific person. For a while there I did a really good job at playing the part of someone in a relationship. But both of us did an incredibly shitty job of communicating, several times. I don’t regret it; There were multiple points in there where each of us was exactly what the other needed at the time, so I struggle to imagine things turning out better if we’d broken up when that first big fight happened, rather than getting married. My whole life would have been on a totally different trajectory. It’s wild to even ponder.

Since the divorce there have been other crushes, but not really any attempts at romance. I’m in a tough place for starting it, you know? I’m trying to get my feet under me before I try running alongside someone else.

[yoongiblunt]

So this post has levels cause I’m in a mood rn.

This guy I was friends with a while back was in a really shitty relationship. His partner did not work, did not help with household things, and made him feel like shit about himself. There were nights we talked at length about how he just wanted to get out of that relationship because it came at a part of his life where he was trying hard to grow and cope from more damaging issues. He called me his brother, we were close, and he promised me a lot of things.

When he left that relationship he brightened up and kind of started showing us more of himself—- just to get into a deep relationship with a 19 year old. Keep in mind, he was barely 20 at the time. Naturally, he didn’t tell me she was 19. So she would come over with him and we would smoke weed together and hang out. She never really talked to me very much. I tried to kind of be her friend, but I was mostly worried about this dude because he had only been single for 2 weeks before he was in love with this girl.

When I met her she was using they/them pronouns and was non-binary. After being with him for like a month I noticed he was constantly using she/her. A friend* of ours also mentioned it to me saying that it pissed him* off that he would change her pronouns and what not and that she wasn’t a girl but he kept calling her one.

She got pregnant like,,, 3-4 months in. Now they’re getting married. They moved off together. Everyone has had intense feelings about this relationship and have even mentioned how it’s a shame abortion is not legal because they are children from two very religious families.

That’s all neither here nor there, just context on the environment.

We all think he’s dumb for moving away and actively giving up the growing music career he had started, his band was even in talks of tours with our friends label. It was a bright start. We are watching the singer* of his band thrive in another band that has made it onto the top 40 of their respective country music charts (lmao).

We care about him and his growth, but more than that we are watching a freshly 19 year old queer person move in with her boyfriends parents and recant an identity she was growing, while also marrying him and carrying his child.

But we want to support him, I want to support him.

Tell me why tho, even though the only reason i have this kind of context is because his friends have voiced this to me, that I was not invited to the wedding. I never once made him feel small or made him feel like I didn’t support him.

His best friends are the ones who have talked the most shit and they’re in the wedding.

I was told I would be in the bachelor party because I was his brother, but here we are.

Moving forward, his fiancé is 19. And they posted some dahmer Stan ass shit and I was like hey maybe take a look at the Isbell family’s statements and how they actually don’t want this movie to be made.

Her and her white friends literally dog piled on me and called me chronically online???

Lbr, I don’t have a tiktok, I barely use most social media aside from reposting things. I think I spend a couple hours a day scrolling thru Twitter just because I want to step out of the small town shit.

Why is saying that black families should be respected especially when they are asking people to not consume something a bad take? Why is that cringe? And also, I’m back on tumblr because I needed a space to mass post because I am *so bad at social media*.

I lost all of my online friends because I cannot maintain a presence.

I just sort of don’t want to be picked at lately and these white kids are on my nerves. Worry about ur baby and your husband smh. Chronically online my dick.

Also I need to figure out if there’s still a read more feature to this

[theveryworstthing]

So over on patreon Trevor asked for my take on the Addams Family and I grew up LOVING the Addams family movies so here we are. Instead of doing a straight up style interpretation, I decided to do a full on design challenge, using the characters as bases to make a black southern gothic Addams au. I actually drew the kids first, using the character bases of Wednesday and Pugsley to create some delightful kiddos I'm calling Sunday and Blanche. I of course then redesigned Gomez and Morticia into Carlisle and Mortesha.

The Addams have a very specific high aristocratic goth aesthetic (they've got a butler and nobody really works among other things) so in this re-imagining I wanted to go with vibes that run a little more middle class/upper middle class.  I thought it would be interesting to think about what would be considered weird and off-putting in an entirely different culture, and how being a big ol' goth is way less controversial than it used to be.

I tried to keep this short (HAHAHAHAHAHA) so I didn't spin off into an essay about villain coded families, black people in the horror genre, and normalcy as it pertains to social survival, but just...bits of that are in these designs and lore. Keep that in mind.

Also I made the kids twins because they've flip flopped in age so much in different media and also twins run in my family (i'm the daughter of one). And let's face it, I'm pulling a lot of their southern gothic traits from living as a southern goth so *shrug*.

10 thousand pounds of lore incoming loooooooooool.

The Parents

From the moment he saw her he knew that there was a 50/50 chance of him either never making it out of that swamp alive or marrying the figure that was creeping out from under the distant willow tree in a black cocktail dress. The third time she found him trussed up in one of her traps, he complimented her rope work and asked if she'd like to go out sometime after his head wound stopped bleeding.

Or while it was still bleeding.

If she was into that.

Some kids and a mysteriously burnt down Piggly Wiggly later, their love is still as strong and inescapable as a bear trap in a sink hole.

Carlisle Guillermo (now Addams through marriage but I wanted to give him two first names for a name since Gomez has two last names) makes a vaguely described living practicing ‘law’ around town. A loophole king, people come to him from miles around with contracts signed in blood, fights over chunks of hair buried in their rivals’ yard, dehydrated primate hands, memories that seemed like dreams until the evidence of their happenings became too real, and other regular Legal Items asking for counsel which he is all too happy to give. For a price. Sometimes that price is a homemade pie and sometimes it’s a million dollars, depends on who you are. Whatever you’re asked to pay it’s worth that price, and if you try to scam him out of work or he just plain doesn’t like you? Well. He knows how to twist a contract better than anything at the crossroads.

And he always gets his due.

He doesn’t just serve the local (living)humans though, there are many things that need proper legal representation in this day and age. You wouldn’t believe how many city councils try to build on sacred burial grounds even after he lets them know that his ghostly clients are totally gonna haunt the FUCK out of the ensuing shitty condos and curse their families for all eternity. At least 50% of his energy goes towards dealing with real estate bullshit.

Carl is an excitable and good natured(?) man who loves his family, cigars, dancing, and his many knife-based hobbies. People find him very charming once they get past the feeling that they’re talking to a sultry gator badly disguising itself as a human. I didn’t put a ton of deep thought into designing him, mostly I wanted to make a middle aged dude who looked like he would have been voted ‘most likely to smooch the literal devil’ in high school. Tbh he probably has, but no demonic ex’s can compare to his lovely wife~

Mortesha Addams(her name was already perfect so I just tweaked it)is a woman of many talents. A self proclaimed homemaker, she prides herself on a greenhouse full of Concerning Foliage, a beautiful wasp apiary, and a coop full of what are probably chickens that she keeps for what are probably eggs. She’s also an avid creator of the outsider art that can be seen around the estate. She has taken on the family business of selling her homemade goods in a little stall by the road just outside the swamp with her mom, and makes pretty good money doing so. A surprising amount of poison gets bought in quaint southern towns.

Speaking of poison, people who come out to the edge of the swamp to buy it are usually carrying a lot of secrets around, and Mortesha knows most of them. It’s not like she pries the truth out of people, it just so happens that many nervous hellos eventually turn into the tragic backstory power hour if she’s alone with a client for long enough. She supposes that’s just how people are. Despite the fact that the Addams are very active in the community (whether the community likes it or not) she especially, as a direct descendant of the first Addams matriarch, is seen as…Well not an outsider because the community feels A Certain Way about outsiders and despite it all the Addams are their people, but maybe something like an exception. They feel like whatever weirdness they’re hiding can’t be weirder than any given Addams, so they get a little loose with their words.

This is amusing to her, since Addams’ don’t naturally keep the kind dramatic secrets that their surface level prim and proper neighbors do. It’s much more fun to openly talk about those things.

Do they have a sadly decrepit yet terrifying grandma up in the attic? Yeah, like three. They got a tv, all the creepy porcelain dolls they could want, and they’re close to family. Where do you keep your gram-grams?

Any bodies buried on the property? Yeah some, but most are thrown to the gators.

Any creeping through the balmy summer night with ill intentions? Yeah dude, everyone loves a nice family stroll.

What about dangerous forbidden love? If an adult Addams isn’t incorporeal then they’re either queer or in a torrid romance with some person/thing mysteriously drawn to that awful swamp. Sometimes both at the same time. Most times actually.

Mortesha would know.

The current head of the Addams family is just as outgoing as her husband but a lot quieter and harder to read. She never really seems to get mad about much and always has a genteel smile for everyone whether they deserve it or not. A seven foot tall human shaped “Oh, bless your heart”. A perfectly composed Lady even when she’s, oh I dunno, burning down a Piggly Wiggly. You know. A regular southern mom. Chat her up at the hair salon for 50% off a jar of wasp honey with your next purchase of a mysterious but foreboding packet of herbs.

Designing her was pretty easy because I just drew a lankier Grace Jones and called it a day. I had some problems with her outfit simply because if we were going HARD southern gothic then she’d probably be wearing a white/cream dress with a fuller skirt but I thought keeping the silhouette and the black was more important. She’s supposed to be an anti southern gothic southern gothic character anyway. A woman who looks like she has a million secrets who is actually the most open person you could meet. For better or worse. The red hair came from a coloring error that I really ended up liking (my mom had red hair her whole childhood that only darkened up in high school so I can buy that an Addams can be naturally fire engine red) and the veil was to get more of that classic Morticia silhouette in there.

The Children

Sunday and Blanche are the twin children of Carlisle and Mortesha Addams. Some say the Addams clan got their cursed homestead when a wealthy local businessman made a deal with the devil and lost, leaving his grand mansion to his least favorite maid and cutting his losses once he realized that the swamp would do everything it could to drag the house into the water and take what was owed with its horrible curse. Others say that the family has just always squatted there and no one really cares because man, fuck that particular swamp. Have you been in there? Absolute horror show.

Anyway.

Blanche is the more outgoing sibling and quite the engineer/mad scientist in the making. He started going grey at 2 weeks old but considering he was also rocking some extra fingers, toes, and a tiny tail (he takes after his dad), his parents just put it on the 'not life threatening' pile and decided not to worry about it. He's the kind of smart that teachers find utterly infuriating, less a dog eagerly learning and obeying commands and more a hyena who keeps teaching itself how to pick locks. He has a few friends in his school's robotics club (which they honestly allowed him to make so the school could contain his... creations) but mostly hangs out with his sister exploring the swamp. They find all sorts of neat things in there! wedding rings, suspiciously lumpy garbage bags, cloaked cultists who can't read private property signs, it's an adventure every day!

Blanche is all about experimentation with his creations, his look, and his tether to this mortal coil. Is lipstick a cool thing to try? Let's find out. Can he get out of a strait jacket fast enough after being pushed into the depths of the swamp by his sister? let's find out. He's not dead yet and confused local doctors can attest to the fact that he's rarely attained more than a bad bruise so he's pretty set on continuing to kiss rattlesnakes on their cute little heads and have his sister practice her knife throwing at him until that fact changes.

Blanche is very much a country goth. Cowboy boots (customized by his mom), knife, and lighter are daily accessories. He likes to wear the crusty swamp jewelry they find (the rust adds a splash of color!) and despite appearances he does try to keep himself neat. He's just got  natural Grunge Colors and a tendency to wear clothes he likes until they fall apart. Pugsley always seemed the most modernly styled to me (which might just be because little boys clothes have been the same for a long time) so I wanted Blanche to be the most purposely fashionable Addams. Everyone else is goth by nature, but he's the only one truly familiar with goth as an alternative fashion.

I got really into designing Blanche because honestly, I find Pugsley to be the most boring member of the family. And he was hard to design! I had to mess with his vibe a lot to get him looking how I wanted. I know he's supposed to evoke an " 'evil' little boy next door who's parents never reign him in", but that's just goth Dennis The Menace.  I's 2020. We can at least go queer goth Calvin.

Sunday was much easier to design. Wednesday was my favorite as a child (of course) and I really wanted to keep the spirit of her look while adding things like billowy sleeves (it gets HOT down here), big poofy twists instead of braids, and a nice tie. She's a professional after all, been running the local pet cemetery since she was 6 and the previous groundskeeper met with an unfortunate accident after telling her that tarantulas don't have souls. Her specialty is creating beautiful naturalistic animal funerals similar to those that Maquenda (https://linktr.ee/artofmaquenda) makes, and she takes pride in creating miniature dioramas of her subjects after each burial which she uses as a kind of 3D catalog for future clients.

She really wants to try out her skills on humans one day. Well. Publicly try out her skills. Lotta random bodies float into the swamp. None of them have turned down her requests for diorama models so far. Most seem downright flattered. Plus, she usually figures out which graveyard/crime scene they floated over from and gets her parents to give them a lift back. She'll even help enact terrifying revenge from beyond the grave on whoever put them there if she's not, y'know, busy.

Besides arts, crafts, and pet based funerary arrangements, Sunday is an avid lover of archery (any ranged weapon really), books where little fantasy adventure animals die dramatic deaths, and history. She is That Kid who eagerly raises her hand when asked who Christopher Columbus was and ends up being sent out of class after 15 minutes for making 'a scene'. Her favorite party trick is just picking an item in the room and talking about how it relates to either some obscure historical figure with a buck wild life or a horrible disaster. At least one charity pancake breakfast ended with children in tears after her vivid description of the Great Molasses Flood of 1919.

Social-wise, while Wednesday is the girl that people ask to smile because they think she'd, "look so pretty", Sunday is rarely asked anything at all. People just kind of assume from her quiet nature (in between horrible history facts) that she's angry all the time and that she hates everyone. This is untrue. She hates some people but she's ambivalent to most everyone else and even downright friendly if you bother to talk to her like a person instead of a terrifying cryptid. Like, she IS a terrifying cryptid but she's also a little girl.  

That’s about it for now. One day I might do the other family members but for now I’m happy with the four I’ve redesigned. Making an au! Lurch in a family that doesn’t do butlers could be interesting. Over on patreon I put forth that he could just be Motesha’s mute little brother (similar bone structure) but Amy Crook had the nice idea of quote: “ a mysterious "cousin" that "helps around the house" whose origins are both long in the past and faintly unsettling. He's good for lifting heavy things, like that tank of propane you're about to throw into the burning Piggly Wiggly... “ which i now consider canon. Who's kid is he? How old is he? Not important. Anyone willing to commit arson with you is family.

Annnnyway.  This challenge was a lot of fun! I love indulging in AU’s.

[deepfried-dildos-again]

If you ever get the time could you write some lobo comfort stuff but he’s actually kinda bad at it but it works out

I can 100% do that. Our boyfriend who is so bad at emotions. I'm also so sorry this took so long I am currently in a slight depression (AND ALSO GOT GROUNDED IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS OOPS) but YOUR fic finally showed me where I wanted to go creatively with this so thank you.

Warnings: some language, angst adjacent, suggestive content (it's pg-15), nicotine use

Shit was fragged. That's what you thought to yourself as you ran into the bathroom of the bar to throw up.

Today was just one damn thing after the other. First, your boss had sent you an email about "downsizing", and from what you read, you were out of a job. Next, you found that the plumbing in your shitty station apartment was all messed up and your landlord was out on Dasin-99, no doubt blowing your rent money on coke and hookers, and FINALLY, the CHERRY on top, your (ex)coworker had sent you an invitation to her wedding, just rubbing in your own loneliness.

So now you were here, in some dive bar you'd dropped into to stop from crashing your ride, and you'd just cried so hard you'd thrown up into the bar toilet, and now you probably had mouth crabs or something.

After dry heaving a few more times, you got up and went to wash your mouth out. You could taste the bitter acid clinging to your teeth. As the water ran, you heard another stall open, but you didn't look up. It was a bathroom, there was bound to be other people. But then you felt his shadow fall on you.

"Y'know this bathroom ain't the one ya puke in."

Whipping around at the unexpectedly gruff voice, you found yourself staring into a rockin' pair of pecs. Once you realized you needed to look up, you did.

"Wh- what does that mean...?"

"This's the only functionin' bathroom in the bar. First on the left's fer drugs, second on the left's fer pukin' n' cryin', and the one next ta this one is fer screwin'."

At that last one, he shot you a grin, and you couldn't help but blush. This guy was scary looking, sure, with his imposing height, dark facial markings, and leathery biker aesthetic, but his roughly chiseled face and impressive figure made him kind of easy on the eyes.

Still, a stranger coming onto you in a bathroom wasn't exactly helping you not feel awful. So instead of humoring him, you just rolled your eyes and went back to splashing water on your face to un-puff your eyes.

"Awwww, c'mon, did I say somethin' wrong?"

"You didn't have to say it"

"Hey, c'mon-"

"I don't feel like being eye-fragged by a stranger."

"Ok, so we gotta get our introductions in order. I'm Lobo."

"I'm not talking to you."

"Cool. I like it when a babe plays hard to get."

"Ooooh my god you are so- so-"

"Annoyin'? Infuriatin'? Sexy?"

"YES!"

He grinned again, and you realized what you'd just said. Fragging frag it all. You grabbed your bag and went to storm out.

"Ya still sad, sugar?"

...No. You weren't. You were irritated and prickly, but... not sad anymore. He was still there, leaning on the wall now, and he raised his brows.

"...You are... something. Certainly something."

"Not th' worst thing I've been called. You wanna hop a bathroom over?"

"Buy me a drink, first"

"Can do."

______________________________________________________________

The next morning, you stood on the fire escape of a shoddy apartment, smoking a cigarette. Lobo stood next to you, leaning out and puffing on a cigar. You felt his red eyes flick to you.

"Got any plans fer anything?"

"... you got anything against weddings?"

"Damn, didn't think I was-"

"It's my coworker's. I need a date."

"'S there a bar?"

"Sure."

"Count me in."