#I am learning tho!

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[hinamie]

playing around w slightly different hair renders

[dkettchen]

she would've told them unlike her canon! version who decided not to be an ally smh

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

(volume warning)

this was surprisingly fun to make so i'll probably do another

[hyakunana]

When you need to lie, but you're a good boy.

[temporary-tats]

Mon Loup

Please send help, Wenclair has taken over my brain.

Per usual, do not reupload without credit/permission. Thanks folks!

(My ko-fi, should you wish!)

[egberts]

behold my gif boy

[ricecaqes]

guhhh... even more hogs......

[feralthembo]

So i got talking with roomie and we decided that my goals financially are best served working on the non-rent bills so she can focus her pay on keeping the roof over our heads. I will be trying to tackle the water and if generosity/luck permits, the internet. (telehealth is becoming an integral part of my mental healthcare or i would be fine without it for a while)

I will now be keeping this post pinned to keep donations open full time. we need about $200 a month for these expensive and the water will always be paid first. this total may rise temporarily if we need help with rent, but this is the start of a system that is going to help us find some sort of stability in our current circumstances. roomie is looking for a better job and i am Trying To Grow My Patreon that i am trying to update somewhere around thursday/friday.

you can also send money to one of these:

Cashapp: $AshTheAutistic Paypal.me/Karmorda

thank you in advance for anyone who helps, and reblogging can help get this to people who can so that includes those.

[sysig]

Two skeletons in a trench lab coat (Patreon)

Bonus:

He’s very careful! Everything was fine before you interrupted!

[hinamie]

august

[lil-beanz000]

~ lil dancey dance~

[bobombun]

So I started playing Lotr Online, the MMO game of Lord of the Rings, and it's been fun so far. Started off as an elf, and was popped into the middle of a dramatic fight I had zero context for. Bad guy stabs me with an evil sword, and screen goes black. I wake up, and my buddies are happy to see me awake. Sorry everyone, didn't mean to scare you. Hey btw, Elrond, how long was I conked out for?

Years? I was in pained coma for years?? I guess that's elves for you, huh

Oh damn, the era changed while I was asleep? What a timing, haha

Year three thousand and- wait. The era changed while I was asleep. And it is now the year three thousand and eighteen of this era.

...

I was in a coma for at least three thousand and then some years??

Elves, man.

Elves.

[baalzebufo]

some additional doodles and a Lot of Headcanons... sorry if im spamming these a little bit. ive got so many thoughts in my head, lmao

theres my older pacifica- after weirdmageddon, her and gideon become friends. theyre both sort of ostracized from the town as a whole bc of their past attitudes/actions so they cling together and become buds. its nice having someone else who 'gets' it.

pacifica moved out as soon as she could to get away from her folks and has a job at a local mall. gideon enables her to enjoy at least SOME of her old luxuries by taking her shopping and to get their nails done together and stuff. also his prison buddies help ''kindly persuade'' her parents not to break her enforced no-contact rule from time to time. i know the two have the bitchiest gossip in the entire town together. sometimes when its hard to be 'nice' they know they can at least vent to the other and they wont get judged for it, yknow?

also some backstory doodles! he was a Normal Kid, Once. or close enough to it. gideon was a sickly child and was sheltered and homeschooled for most of his life. the gleefuls moved from texas to oregon when he was about seven (yes i know this breaks canon a little. its fine shh.) and he found journal 2 shortly after. things went downhill from there

other notes. he's always kept his hair long, but used to either let it down or tie it into a long braid. he very briefly attended a public school and he didnt fare very well there (fat kid + albino + 'girly' + general weird interests is basically painting a massive target on your back) he used to stay up and watch late night televangelists when he couldnt sleep in hospital and copped his aesthetic from there

sorry this post is so long i have a lot of thoughts about him </3

[blu-ish]

My mind rn:

[jayjay-thejet-plane]

not my usual artstyle AT ALL but i was tracing jakes (for practice since hes hard to draw and i was feeling art blocked) and then fell into a 4hr trance…

traced stuff and ref: