"At your age you should be chasing 2 or 3 kids around the house."
Grandma NO I'm not even 25 yet. Fuck that.
"And married to a total ass of a husband."
GRANDMA WHAT THE FUCK.
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at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"
like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.
"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."
... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.
and i'd still keep writing.
i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.
i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley
"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"
and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.
it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.
you create because you're greedy.
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4 year old Ahmad Shabat - an israeli airstrike hit him, his parents & 4 siblings; he survived, they didn't - then they hit him & his father's relatives; he survived, they didn't - then they hit him & his uncle; he survived, his uncle didn't - both of Ahmed's legs have been amputated because of injuries. He survives.
i hope Ahmad gets to live. i hope he has a beautiful and fulfilling life. i hope he finds love and safety and comfort and success. i hope he finds happiness. i hope he heals. i hope he continues to survive. in spite of the violence, in spite of the trauma, in spite of the horror. in spite of the world.
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Ah yes the anxiety of knowing that there will be a point where people will question why I'm not dating anyone because I won't be young forever and being in a relationship is very much expected of me
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I hate children. I am never having a child. I was trying to paint a wall so because i am short as fuck I have a ladder. A small one bigger than a little step ladder but smaller than a big ladder. Well the children (my cousins) demanded my mom go clean up where the dog had done a poo. So my mom did and they started randomly screaming and so I freaked out thought something bad had happened and went to go and see what was happening and my foot got caught and I fell onto the concrete floor because the carpet is pulled up so we can paint. My knee slammed into it and went pop. I dislocated my knee because my asshole cousins thought it was a good idea to scream at the fucking dog.
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That scene where Megamind and Minion fight and minion says “good luck on your date”
“I will”
“That doesn’t even make sense!”
“I know!”
This is so much more than I thought and I fucking love DreamWorks
Throughout the movie Megamind values wit - tries to train Titan to have witty comebacks, provokes and asks for it in their first battle, fuck that fantastic “oh you’re a villain alright, just not a super one”
He’s so good at bantering but it all crumbles when he’s actually, truly fighting with someone he cares about rather than views as a game partner
Anyways I’ve been trying to sleep for 3 hours and am about to rewind Megamind again. We’ll see if I notice anything else again.
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The year is 2024, 8 years post release, and Pokemon Go not only finally gives trainers the ability to have more than just the default hair style and one of four eye and skin colors, but decided while they were there to completely blast every other Pokemon Game in the world out of existence by removing Gender entirely and giving the player customizable body types complete with separate sliders for Weight, Muscle, Shoulders, Chest, and Waist
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