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Vicky would tell me this and I would immediately quit my job and cry.
#➹ out of curses ✼ (ooc)#I love her but omfg am I not afraid lmao#I am terrified of this woman#In this case I am Annie in the second picture like#good bye cruel world - emma vc
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Safe to say she’s a Wonder
#Wednesday spoilers#wonder woman#pegasus#Wonder Woman as a visually terrifying companion to the macabre and visually disturbing and still being that classic Friend to All Living#Things character is just#Oooooh I love this book so much#Absolute Batman was cool#But this? 1 Issue in and already my favorite incarnation of Wonder Woman#Every back of my mind fear was unfounded I am elated#Absolute Wonder Woman
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When I was young, I assumed I was straight because this had crushes on boys. In high school, all the girls I hung out with were bi or lesbian, because they were the coolest ones (in my eyes) and they were the ones I got along with best. And then I developed a massive crush on a girl. Turns out I was also bi.
For years, it was assumed that I was the token neurotypical in my friend circle. I wasn't totally failing in my job or school because of my brain, nor was I at risk of major self harm or worse due to mental illness. So, you know, I was "normal". Literally everyone I was close to was not.
Then I figured out that, no, I'm definitely ADHD, but the inattentive type that girls didn't get diagnosed with, and it was impacting my life, but just not in the ways that intersect with capitalism, and not to the extent that most of my friends experienced their neurodivergence.
Nearly everyone in my close circle and everyone I've felt a connection with in recent years is some variety of trans/NB/genderqueer. I'm the token cis with the boring old same gender they slapped on the birth certificate, and gosh all my trans* friends are awesome and hot and cool, and ugh, t4t, what a dream, too bad that can't be me.
No, I'm just a cis woman who wants to fuck like a man, and have someone call me Daddy, and have sex with trans guys but in a gay way, and have a bulge in my underwear, and the thought of having a tdick nearly makes me cry with wanting... But that's just my horny brain talking about gender transgression for the hotness of it, and the transgression is based on the fact that I'm a woman, so it can't be any sort of underlying gender stuff... Right?
I dunno. I dunno.
#i like being a woman#but being a woman who is also sometimes to some degree a trans man... maybe i like that even better?#is this genderfluid?#is this even allowed?#am i just a poser?#why is this kinda terrifying?
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moritz stiefel after having one (1) wet dream: i hope god kills me
#please god give me consumption and take these sticky dreams away#with any luck he’ll ignore that prayer#dwsa#spring awakening#deaf west spring awakening#moritz stiefel#melchritz#daniel durant#alex boniello#john gallagher jr.#this is a deaf west spring awakening house#yeet my deet#i really fuck with that energy#i don’t have the wet dream anatomy#but i know i would have the same reaction#i am always a fraction of a second away from “this is giving me an existential crisis i should die”#mental health 👍#why is he haunted by the legs of a woman?#oh yeah because he’s gay#and terrified of society’s heteronormative expectations of him#moritz is gaaaaaaaay#melchior gabor#fuck melchior gabor all my homies hate melchior gabor#touch me#catholic guilt#pp42??#bog#hbdnell
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Teehee someone call a kagehina fanfic writer I'd absolutely eat this shit up
#its literally. my favorite trope#“everyone but them thinks theyre already a thing and theyre both confused as to why”#also i am. a kagehina fanfic writer but oh. the horrors (terrified of mischaracterizing them)#amore's one woman circus
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need the historical romance girlies to go back to their roots and read forever amber (1944)
#forever amber#kathleen winsor#it's SO serious y'all. five star book and it didn't even have to make me cry i'm going to think about it for the rest of my life#amber is the ubermensch of unlikable female characters and i am obsessed with her. worst woman in the world. wife city.#there's a terrifying section set during the plague where she has to nurse her Main Lover (horrible dude. hate his guts) back to life#two of the nurses sent to help die of plague then right when the horrible man gets better amber also gets sick#so they get a third nurse who is willing to murder them both to get their money so horrible dude murders her first#the plague section is soooo tense and scary it's almost a novella in itself. wonderful writing and detail#kathleen winsor read 365 books about restoration england and was painting diagrams of houses and dresses#ma'am i'm sorry i think i have to retroactively make you take the autism test. incredible devotion to history#there's also a great bit where amber murders her abusive third husband (out of four) and disguises it with the fire of london#literally what else can you want from a book#lit#sometimes i make stuff
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She so cute
#beautiful woman very spunky and strong and wise yes yes#stop looking at the tv lines#I SAID STOP#my teeth are so sharp ouch ouch ouch#the medical field can be so terrifying I’m so stressed out aaaaaaAAAAAAAAHHHH#what#I’m ok#hahahaha#have you ever seen the lights leave a persons eyes#what do these tags have to do with adira#why am I having a conversation with myself on here#I’m so sleep deprived it’s not even funny#the world of medicine is a traumatic place but I cannot replace the thrill it provides me xoxo#adira tts#tts adira#tts#craziest tags competition ig#tangled the series#screen caps#rapunzles tangled adventure
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girlhood
#i have to fly out to capetown to see mother and im literally debating if i could land in the morning and leave at night on the same day#like. anything longer than that is going to ruin my year.#when she called and did her “katherine. you have to be here on the 10th” i literally sobbed in my bed for the rest of the day 😍😍😍#not dyeing my hair black for a year and its getting lighter and lighter everyday and i look like her again#and my therapist telling me “you need to do things for yourself.” but like can i? sorry that woman traumatised me and i actually cant :)#like everything i do is informed by her#I'm going to go and just like everytime the only way to keep my sanity is to mirror her. talk and sit and speak and read and eat like her#and its such a terrifying experience bc i remember that im capable of emulating her viciousness and maybe i am my mother's daugher 🤢🤢🤢#and im going to come back and its going to take fucking months for me to feel like myself again#“oh you look so beautiful just like your mother” i hope you DIE lol !!! the fact that my conception of beauty was shaped by her#growing up with this cruel beautiful detached woman and realising that at the intersection of beauty and wickness is a lifetime of pain#and still being so desperate for her approval- for any metaphysical proximity to her that i felt elated when#people would tell me i look like her. that it meant i was also beautiful like her and maybe she'll love me a little for it#but now i know for a fact that i do look like her and it makes saliva swell under my tongue - that moment right before you throw up-#when people mention it 😍#last time i was in capetown my optic neuritis flared up (and i know for a fact it was that it was ms-stress related from having to see her)#and i thought i hid it so well even though i had near constant headaches & lethargy until she said “katherine give me the red notebook”#and i knew that she knew all along. it was so acutely humiliating standing there and knowing she knows i cant see which one is the red one#and she tilted her head and said “whats the matter? do you not know what red looks like?”#im never going to have kids. my mother and i read eachother so well it can only mean im never too far removed from becoming her#lol!!!!!!!!!
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No, no no - go please go. Leave me - by Elbereth, neither of you should be here.
Celebrimbor almost hopes they are another illusion because if they are not, if they are here then…his spirit drops, sickened to think that two of those who are dearest to him would be in such a place. But of course, of course they had come.
(He remembers Finrod, golden kind Finrod whom he had loved to the last and wonders if even he could ever forgive Celebrimbor for having bought his sister and his beloveds grandchild into this hell).
But they had almost escaped. Another almost, another pain.
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He looks at his jewels poor maimed hand and wonders if Celebrimbor had thought to make himself less beautiful, less appealing and wonders that Tyelpe could be so blind to his own face and form - for it could never make him less so, only more.
(Of course, his red haired uncle had still been beautiful - a flame upon the rocks - a stunning ruin. Annatar does not think of his rescuer for it will not occur again - he will never allow it, not when his jewel is far far more precious).
“You should not have done this beloved - if you do such again then I shall show you my mastery of other arts and not upon your flesh - there are many children who dwell in my realm and it will not end in death for them.”
Yes, I understand. I will not do such again. I will do as you wish. He does not plead again for the release of Annatars other loves - as though he would ever let them out of his grasp again - for it was not safe and it was not right that they should be seen by others.
They are his jewels alone.
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Look up at me little nightingale, little star. Sauron looks into eyes that are silver with starlight - a soft gentle kindness that is unlike any that he has seen but with a steadiness, a wisdom that is all Melian - such a beautiful treasure she has formed into being.
It is right that Elrond is here, silver chains and dark curls that glimmer like the brightest of night skies, olive brown skin against deep red. He will be housed better, Sauron vows - I will make such a place for him, my sweetest little jewel. He will learn.
The marks from the Chieftain still remain on his skin, bruises and narrow lines of blood and he will make the man nothing but a tattered spirit in eternal torment, make him a thing forever shamed in the endless dark.
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He had not known her brother was in his power to his own great pain. Felagund had been not only as beautiful as his sister he had been as kind as the little star Sauron now holds in his hands. But Finrod had been hidden by the most trivial of mortals - who had held fairness he had no right to in his hands.
Annatar thinks of it as he thinks of Galadriel whom he comes to as Halbrand - he knows his Queen, his lady of light will understand too in time but it is still beautiful to see her so fiercely unwilling and yet, yet so very much his.
(One day, one day he will go to those undying shores and take her brother too).
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He makes a pleasing vision - children of his loves. His little nightingale dancing upon a lawn, his jewel teaching their family his craft, his lady of light giving them their first lessons in the sword. He will have it, no matter what he must do.
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@nocompromise-noregrets @self-destructinganimal
#fic#au: golden cage#tv: rings of power#rings of power fic#trop fanfiction#rape tw#abuse tw#this is also me lore nerding what can I say except that I am Exactly That Woman#(The most definitive version of Celebrimbors story/the in show version is that he’s a grandson of Feanor and uh#hand trauma is really a family tradition sadly :(#also sauron/annatar is used interchangeably for Reasons#Sauron: if I don’t talk about Luthien she’s not going to murder me again I’m not scared I’m not scared (he’s terrified)#(the finrod/luthien/beren ot3 though)
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Sometimes, when people try to invoke "trans-inclusive" bioessentialism in their arguments, I want to ask exactly what about our assigned sex says about our place in society, and ask how they've worked that into their worldview in a way that somehow simultaneously doesn't deny who we are and includes the fact that a trans experience will mean that we navigate the world in often very different ways than our cis peers, and often bucks the trends of what is commonly experienced by cis people
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#mtf#nonbinary#transphobia#transphobia tw#biological essentialism#bioessentialism#(mentions of SA and transmisogyny after this tag)#saw somebody saying that 'AMABs' essentially don't have to worry about SA...#...but 'AFABs' do because 'that's what they were raised in'...#...ignoring 1.) trans people AMAB are disproportionately aware of SA and its affects and...#...2.) nowhere in 'AFAB' biology dictates that they have a sixth sense surrounding anything adjacent to SA#i only started being terrified of being targeted AFTER i came out as a trans man and AFTER i started presenting male#where does that put me? how am i 'more aware' than a trans woman who is deeply aware of what SA is and looks like because of *experience*#this is why incorporating bioessentialism and thinking you can revive it but make it better by being trans-inclusive will NEVER work#you are operating on a FUNDAMENTALLY patriarchal understanding of human experiences/development/societal placement#you are still upholding the exact same tennents of patriarchy and who it protects and subjugates#(not only that but in they took to attention directly away from an artist with trauma about SA and made it about sex)#(like great... glad we're *still* treating survivors like shit by ignoring their stories/art/messages/experiences (sarcasm))
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The fact some people are eagerly choosing to just not vote and allow a fascist dictatorship to take shape is soooooo fucking fun, I’m sure the Palestinians will be thanking you guys for abstaining while Trump sends Israel even more weapons and funding than before, good fucking job guys you fucked Palestine and every minority group in the United States at once wow
If you do not vote, you are directly fucking complicit in everything that comes after
Vote blue. We have literally no other option.
#2024 elections#free Palestine#Israel#Donald trump#Joe Biden#I am a disabled queer woman and I am fucking terrified
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for pride month I am haviiiiing. an itty bitty gender crisis
#ari speaks#it's like. am I a woman?? what the fuck even IS a woman??#bc if “woman” is “person who will bear and birth children” I'm already failing on that front due to medical reasons#yippee for pcos. ig#and then it's like. well then what IS a woman#and is that definition even useful??#like do I believe in the catholic gender essentialism I was raised with??#no. no I do not#but like if there's no Inherent Magic Difference between men / women / etc / then like what the fuck does it mean to be a woman#like am I or am I not or is this even a useful thing to conceptualize???#idk I just feel Disconnected from the Concept of womanhood#like I am a Gal and a Girlie but in the sense that Drizzt Do'Urden is my wife#in that it's not about the Gender it's about like. the Vibes#all I know is the pronouns are she/her#and like. maybe that's all I need to know#maybe that's enough#idk it's just. a Word would be nice. so I know I'm not crazy#maybe quoigender is the word?? for now??#idk it's like. my little queer self who forged her identity in the midst of The Ace Discourse back in 2017 is terrified of being accused of#claiming labels and spaces that “aren't meant for her” or whatever#and it's like. am I Not Cis enough to be here????#like she/her and “woman” is. good enough I guess#I can get by with it#but like.#idk#realizing that I kinda feel disconnected from the whole Gender thing in the same way I feel disconnected from sexuality and romance#and it's like. as a writer. I very rarely actually know what my characters' Genders are#all I know are the pronouns#and like????#[gestures vaguely]
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The Hellish SHOCKER approaches
With their ever looming shadow
#kamen rider#Shin Kamen Rider#the terrifying bee woman#why did the decide to make her so cool#i'm not complaining but THE BEE WOMAN?#not as much to work with for the Augs#Flashing Lights#flashing images#Spider Man#Bat Man#Great Leader#Robot Detective K#For reasons unclear#Scorpion Man#Scorpion Woman#who I am guessing is no longer Hongo's racing buddy turned to fascism#shin kamen rider spoilers
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LoD readers give a shit about women challenge failed once again
#i am. SO TIRED.#this isnt the first time i see ppl maing “haha wedding scene funni” jokes when it fucking ISNT#catti was TERRIFIED of what wulfgar had become but was in a situation were calling off the wedding would be extremely difficult#bc the entire alliance with the barbarians hinged on that wedding (which is partly why it falls apart after wulfgar's death)#wulfgar is constantly terrorizing catti and almost killed drizzt out of jealousy!! and catti cant easily leave!!#all drizzt and bruenor can do is hope that he calms down before it gets bad#and even then. bruenor keep insisting that as part of her wedding she does rituals that seem to denigrate her (the apron)#and remind her of her role as a woman (essentially giving up her freedom to stay at home/the forge)#entreri didnt accidentally get caught into organizing a wedding he infiltrated it to exploit an already precarious situation#and actively made it WORSE to further his plan bc remember he is there to tear the companions apart and kill drizzt!!!#its not a funny situation! its not fucking funny! catti's situation parallels the beginning of a domestic abuse situation!!#im so fucking tired shes one of the most important characters in the series and y'all cant fucking treat her beyond explosion jokes#bani.txt#im putting this in the tags i dont give a shit anymore#legend of drizzt#catti brie battlehammer
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joking about suicide: bad for your mental health, boring, predictable, overdone, harmful, triggering, encourages self hatred
joking about phanicide: gets to the heart of the issue, empowering, homophobic but in a fun way, warranted, justified, ethically permissible
#brought to you by ‘phamel toe’ making me want to end SOMEONE’S life and remembering it can’t be my own#i literally have a friend who says ‘nooooo don’t kill yourself kill dan and phil’#anyway phurder when#for legal reasons this is a joke fbi#like it’s completely a joke no phomocode or phurder or phanicide will be taking place#this cannot be used against me in a court of law#i once had a panic attack because i killed an ant ok i promise i am not a threat#tw suicide mention#pls no one actually k*ll dnp#i’ll never forget the 50 year old woman who wanted to kill phil in 2018 at ii because she wanted to fuck dan#genuinely terrifying like we truly have been through traumatic shit together#everyone stay safe#dnp#dan and phil#phan#dan howell#daniel howell#amazingphil#phil lester#yeet my deet#yeet my deenp#danandphilgames#dip and pip#d&p#dapg
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just now, someone broke into my very next door (our buildings are connected) neighbor's place as they were away on a trip. they noticed over security cam livestream footage and contacted everyone. a bunch of cops with rifles and shotguns then showed up right in front of my bedroom window, broke into their house, and took away this singular unarmed woman who had snuck in and was hiding inside of their trailer in the garage.
the sergeant told my mom not to worry because they took several items (like a fire extinguisher) from my neighbor's place and were going to straight up lie about why she was being brought up to the precinct by saying that she was stealing/using said items so they can detain her for longer.
i'm feeling a lot of things right now
#of course everything that i just told you sounds deeply infuriating but i need you to understand that i am a very paranoid person#due to a history of having my house broken into before which has severely affected every waking moment of my life living in society#and the fear i'm feeling right now combined with this sense of hopelessness from every angle is too much right now#i just want to move. i want out. i need to move to a place where this isn't common.#i'm not only afraid of someone breaking into my place at any given time. i am also afraid of the deeply corrupt justice system#that would just tell that to my mom's face like yeah! this is a good thing that we do !#and not the most disturbing thing you've ever heard in your life.#while i am terrified for my life every moment that i spend living here. i can also see the skinny young woman surrounded by guns#being taken with her head down right in front of my window.#while unlikely. she could have just been seeking shelter or food for all we know. one look at her tells you that she's probably dirt poor.#and thinking about the way that cop just said they were going to treat her by just Lying. is the most disgusting thing i've ever heard.#i don't want to live here anymore.#i don't want to live in a neighborhood where it's a constant tug and pull between the marginalized and the corrupt#where My House is the stage. somehow.#i just want the fuck out of the country altogether. straight up.
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