#I apologize in advance since i am rusty

[javierpena-inatacvest]

Melt

"And if I die because you made me melt, oh well."

Summary: You and Frankie spend a hot summer day by the pool

Word Count: 1.8K

Pairing: Husband!Frankie Morales x Wife!Reader (no use of y/n)

Warnings: SMUT (18+), oral (f receiving), vaginal fingering, semi-public shenanigans (we're assuming there's a big, tall fence around the pool lmao), Frankie being our 🐱 eating king, Frankie being the sweetest and so obsessed with you, poor Pope probably needs to clean his pool after these two leave, reader wears a bathing suit, can swim and can get sunburned

A/N: HEY HOMIES, IT'S YA GIRL!!!!! What better way to celebrate National Catfish Day than with a lil poolside Frankie 🤪 It has been hotter than Satan's ballsack out here in the midwest, so this song is dedicated to this ongoing heatwave and this song that I am absolutely obsessed with and is SO Frankie coded 😭 This is the first thing that I have worked on since May so apologies in advance for bein' a little rusty, but I'm excited to finally be back on the writing train again!!! ily all, big forehead kisses for each of you MWAH!!!! 🥹 poorly beta'd bc that's how i roll

Love it or hate it, if there was one thing that you could always count on, it was the fact that summers in south Florida were hot. 

Really fucking hot. 

So when Pope had offered up his pool for you and Frankie to use while he was out of town for the week, it was a no brainer that the two of you had ecstatically accepted his invitation. 

“We really owe Pope for this one, huh?” You smirked, setting down your beach bag on one of the lounge chairs spread across the pool deck, pulling out some sunscreen and towels for you and Frankie. 

“Yeah, I guess we do.” Frankie sighed, nodding his head in agreement, admiring the crystal blue water sparkling in the heat of the hot summer sun, hands on his hips as he looked out over the pool. 

You couldn’t help but giggle as you stood behind him, secretly whipping out your phone to take a picture of Frankie inspecting the pool before quickly texting it to Pope, knowing what a kick he’d get out of it. 

You: Thanks for letting us use the pool! New pool boy is taking his job very seriously. 🫡

Pope: Haha. Would have looked better if he showed up in a bikini. Have fun u 2. 

“What are you laughing at?” Frankie asked, turning around to the sounds of your sneaky snickers before feeling his own phone buzz in his pocket, looking down to see a text from Pope. 

Pope: Your wife thinks you’d make a good pool boy. Told her you need a bikini first. Have fun with Mrs. Fish today.

Pope: Not too much fun though. 🤨

Frankie: Sorry to disappoint. 

Frankie: What’s that supposed to mean? 

Pope: I just cleaned the pool before I left. Don’t need any baby fish swimming around in there if you know what I mean 🐟 💦 lol

Frankie: Jesus christ, Pope.

Frankie shook his head as he slipped his phone back into his pocket as he made his way over to you, wrapping his hands around your waist and pulling you closer to his chest. 

“You think I’d make a good pool boy, huh?” He smirked, planting a chaste kiss in your lips as the two of you laughed. 

“The best. But only if you give me another kiss and put some sunscreen on me so I don’t turn into a lobster.” You teased, kissing him right back before pulling away to grab the sunscreen bottle, passing it off to him. 

“Fair enough.” 

As he took the bottle from you, starting to shake it up, Frankie couldn’t help stop and watch in awe as you began to remove your coverup. Underneath, it revealed the little, strappy, bright yellow bikini you had just bought, deciding that today would be a good choice to show it off for the first time with just you and your husband together. 

“Fuck me…” Frankie whispered under his breath, his tongue darting out of his mouth and swiping over his bottom lip as he looked you up and down, admiring every sun-kissed inch of your soft skin and the way the fabric of your swimsuit hugged your curves. “Is this- fuck, is this new?” he asked softly, his sweet brown eyes just about popping out of his head, trying to use every ounce of self composure to even form a coherent question. 

“Do you like it? I got it a few days ago when I was out. Figured I could use a new one.” You blushed, biting down on your lip at Frankie’s reaction, wondering how in the world he still managed to make you feel as beautiful as he did the first night he’d met you after all your time spent together. 

“Can I show you?” Frankie asked, running his hands along your waist, gently toying with the strings holding your swimsuit bottoms together. 

“Show me what?” 

“Show you how much I like it?” He responded, his voice sending a shiver down your spine as his fingers slowly began to undo the bow tied around your hips while he gently nipped at your neck, making your stomach swell with arousal. 

“Mhmmmmmm.” You nodded, carefully backing up until your legs hit the lounge chair behind you, Frankie gently guiding you to sit down and lay back while he nestled himself between your legs, draping each one over his bare, broad shoulders, his tanned and freckled skin glowing in the blazing afternoon sun. 

Frankie wasted no time planting soft kisses up the inside of your thighs, the familiar scratch of his beard and mustache against your skin making you moan in eager anticipation as you could feel the wetness beginning to pool in your swimsuit bottoms. 

“You’re so fucking beautiful, you know that? I’m so lucky.” He whispered between kisses along the meat of your thighs before stopping at your core, letting his fingers brush against the fabric of your swimsuit, sneaking under the material just enough to feel how wet you had already become in the few short moments since you had sat down. 

“Seems like you're pretty wet for not even getting in the pool yet, Hermosa.” Frankie teased, the ghosting of his fingers along your cunt making you whine as you propped your head up to see the devilish smirk between his cheeks. 

Almost painfully slowly, Frankie untied the first, then second bow holding your bottoms together on each hip, watching your swimsuit fall to the ground, revealing your pussy, slick and puffy, worked up from Frankie’s touch. 

“So pretty…” He cooed, letting his fingers drag across your cunt, collecting your arousal and rubbing at your clit, already aching to be touched. 

Frankie was nothing if not a methodical man, memorizing every twitch and hitched breath beneath his touch, learning all the things that absolutely drove you wild.

Knowing that he could be the only one to make you feel this good got him off more than anything else ever could.

He couldn’t help but grin at the way your lips fell to a perfectly parted “O” as he pressed more pressure against your sensitive nub, and how they fell even wider as he pressed two of his fingers into your entrance, gently curling them to bump against the soft, spongy spot inside you that had you clenching around his hand. 

“Oh Frankie… Fuck…” You whimpered, your head falling back as Frankie’s fingers were soon followed by his tongue, licking a long, broad strip across your cunt, ​​putting just the right amount of pressure on your sensitive bundle of nerves as his fingers worked in tandem to make that all too familiar sweet tingling sensation to start build in your stomach. 

Frankie’s tongue danced in a swirling pattern of flicks and strokes between your folds as he lapped you up. You could feel yourself rolling your hips against his hand, whining at how thick and full he felt inside you with just his fingers. That, combined with the meticulous and skilled motions of his tongue had the coil in your belly beginning to tighten further and further. 

Your hand shot down between your parted legs, reaching to grab a fistful of Frankie’s brown, curly locks, thick and sweaty from the heat, tugging just hard enough to force his gaze up towards you, your eyes locking with his rich, brown ones. 

“F-Frankie-” Was all you were able to mutter as he continued with his fingers to press against your g-spot, slick coating his digits with each stroke. He licked one more strip along your pussy before placing soft kisses on your clit and the inside of your thighs, peeking up at you with a boyish grin. 

“That’s it, Hermosa. I know you’re close, baby girl. Let me feel you, mi amor. Wanna taste you all over me.” Frankie moaned, the low rumble of his words making your breath hitch in the back of your throat as he dove back between your legs, wrapping his free arm around one of your thighs, firmly holding you in place. 

Curving his fingers ever so slightly and latching his lips around your clit, you knew it was only a matter of moments before Frankie was about to make you fall apart completely. You could feel your legs begin to tremble as your cunt clenched tighter around his fingers, able to utter nothing but a “F-fuck…” as you felt your orgasm rip through you, your pussy fluttering as pleasure radiated in your veins and soaked Frankie below you. 

Frankie worked persistently through your high, only pulling back after making sure that you had cum for him with everything that you had in you, sitting back on his haunches as he admired the blissed out and ragged mess you had become. Your pussy was slick and swollen as your chest rose and fell in wrecked inhales and exhales, trying to compose yourself from the way Frankie had fucked you senseless with just his tongue. 

“Frankie, holy fuck.” You whispered under your breath, still trying to regain your composure as you looked down at a satisfied Frankie, wiping the slick and juices glistening in his mustache with the back of his hand with a smirk. 

“Always taste so sweet, Hermosa. You’re so fucking hot, I swear you’d make me melt faster than the sun.” 

The two of you both couldn’t help but snort at Frankie’s cheesy comment, sitting up as you giggled to grab Frankie’s face and bring him in for a long, deep kiss, the taste of you still fresh on his tongue. 

“You are such a cheeseball, Fransisco Morales. I can’t believe that- Frankie! Frankie! Put me down! No, no, no, no, you better not-” But before you could finish the rest of your sentence, Frankie had already picked you up out of your chair, flung you over his shoulder and had you flailing your arms and legs as he carried you towards the edge of the pool, jumping in with you mid-way through your poorly fought protest. 

Your heads bobbed to the surface, still in a fit of laughter as you floated in the refreshing cool of the sparkling pool water, you wrapped your legs around Frankie’s waist, draping your arms over his shoulders while he pulled you closer to his chest. 

“Sorry, mi amor, what were you saying?” Frankie teased, raising a playful eyebrow at you as he grinned with his goofy smile, making you over dramatically roll your eyes at him. 

“One, that you are the biggest goof I’ve ever met and I love you for it,” You snickered, plating a soft kiss on his plush lips, “and two, I think I can practically hear Pope screaming at you for the fact I’m half naked in his pool.” 

“What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”   

Taglist

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@itsokbbygrl @javierpena-inatacvestnotifs

[silverzoomies]

Imagine quickie rails u so good u squirt but you’re low key embarrassed bc that’s never happened before but he talks you through it so sweetly and so hornily bc he obviously finds it the hottest thing in the world and he’s kinda obsessed with the fact that you just did that bc of him

…..yeah I need to know what he’s like talking you through it …….

anon, i'm so sorry. i dunno if this is what you were expecting. but i went a little off the rails. i haven't actually sat down and written anything in fifty gajillion years. apologies in advance if i'm super duper rusty. you're a doll, by the way. thanks for the inspiration !! this ask had me red in the face all over again !! 🤍 here's a short drabble for ya 🤍🤍🤍

In the boring emptiness of some secret, government research facility, soft squeals call out with ecstasy.

Hold that thought.

Aren’t you supposed to be on patrol?

🤍

Since the OG X-Men were busy with more important endeavors (another fancy gala. Huge snore fest), Xavier took it upon himself to recruit some newbie trainees. He sent three of them to a top secret facility. Super below radar. The building sat far away from the bustle of society, hidden at an off-the-record base.

It’s around one AM when Quicksilver himself finally crashes your boring, patrol party. He zips through the entire building, scouting the area; before checking in on the trainees. After sending the other two off on their twenty minute breaks, he soon finds you.

A newbie he’s far more acquainted with. In more ways than one.

But not as many as he’d like.

You look bored as hell sitting there by yourself, swirling in a swivel chair. A series of CCTV screens flicker before you. But you barely pay them any attention. Keeping your head down, clipboard on your lap; you doodle all over a security protocol sheet. Your legs kick in a childlike way.

Your first, official mission is the most lame of X-Men operations. But even despite that, you appear to be in high spirits. Peter’s almost jealous. The first time he joined up with the team, all he got out of it was a lousy, broken leg.

Anyway, you’re cute and all. But…don’t you have a job to do, you slacker?

Peter leans against the doorway, his hands nestled in the pockets of his silver, bomber jacket. Beady eyes watch you through the lenses of his goggles. His earphones hang around his neck. A quiet jam resonates from them. But you're so mesmerized by your doodling, you don't even notice.

In a flash, Peter makes his presence known. Big hands grab your shoulders hard. He leans in to whisper sternly in your ear. His voice vibrates, robust and quaking in an attempt to spook you.

“GOTCHA! Annnnnnnd, yer dead, kid! Mwahahaha!”

You swivel around in an instant. Hopping from your seat, you raise your hands in defense. Jeez! Peter's caught off guard by how quickly you react. Blinding beams of golden light burst from your palms. The same glow floods your eyes. You hurl scorching hot rays in Peter's direction.

Well…shit.

Thanks to Xavier's mad training skills, Peter's a little faster than light nowadays. And he's ultra lucky for it. Had you raised your hands and gone pew pew pew so many years ago - he probably would've charred to a crisp right then and there. 

“Damn! You got some killer aim! That was a close call.” He whistles. Peter gawks at the holes seared into the wall, straight through some ruined blueprints. A smirk plays on his lips. He gestures at the damage with a thumb, “Eh, they probably got backups ‘a those lyin’ around, right?”

Your only response is an affectionate eye roll. But Peter notes the curl at the corner of your mouth as you try not to smile. 

Screw it. You're pretty fun. Why doesn't he hang with you for a bit? He's probably got some time to kill. At least before Chuck realizes the speedster isn't dressed to the nines, bored out of his mind at the gala.

The two of you goof off for a few minutes. As you doodle, Peter looms over your seat. Watching the CCTV screens with a ready eye, he teases you about your lack of focus on the job. You're just such a supreme newbie, he can't help it.

To which you respond with a counterpoint - isn't he the reigning champion of getting sidetracked?

Touché, little newbie. Touché.

Boredom quickly makes him antsy. And being antsy has Peter's brain reaching for any stimulation he can find. Pacing the room, Peter casts subtle glances at your figure in tactical clothing. Hot damn. Black really does highlight your most bodacious assets.

Amidst casual conversation, Peter shamelessly flirts with you. And when you flirt back, he isn’t all that fazed. The two of you are always making saucy passes at one another. Horny topics of discussion happen more often than they should. You once poured your heart out for twenty minutes, complaining that you couldn’t squirt when you got off. Part of him took this confession as a challenge.

Peter never forgot how sexually charged the energy of that night was.

Or…maybe it wasn’t? Maybe you just wanted to vent to someone who would listen. Yeah. He’s probably uber delusional. That ‘energy’ might’ve come from the sunbeams radiating in your genes.

Sure. Nothing sexual.

But if that’s the case, why else are you giving him bedroom eyes - if not ‘cuz you really wanna bone?

Expelling a bland sigh, Peter leans back against the console where the CCTV screens are. He bounces a random ball he swiped from a researcher’s desk. Flirtatious teasing continues back and forth, remaining casual.

Until Peter makes a needlessly suggestive comment.

“I’m just sayin’. Picture this, ‘kay? You ‘n me, goin’ at it like there’s no tomorrow. Pretty sure I’d get you off in under, say, three minutes er less. That’s not a promise, it’s a fact.”

Throwing you a sly look, Peter smirks payfully. He bounces the ball again.

“Pshh. Not fast enough.” You mumble.

Peter’s dark gaze leers at you from under his brows.

Oh. Oh no, you didn't just...

His eyes fire across each CCTV screen, double checking for any unwanted visitors. All clear, it’s go time. Moving swiftly, he props you up on a nearby desk. At record speed - before you can begin to comprehend his impossibly fast actions - he crams six inches of girthy, speedster cock inside you. All without any warning.

In hindsight, maybe he shouldn’t have been so impulsive. But in the microsecond it took him to move your body and pull your pants off, at the very least; he had the courtesy to prep you with his fingers. And now, you’re coming undone as he jackhammers your cunt. Peter rolls into you in a blur of silver motion. Your walls clench perfectly over his cock.

You protest through shallow moans, “W-Wait! Oh my g-...too fast, Peter! Too fast!”

The tips of his fingers circle your clit, the vibrations shattering your moans. Wrapping your legs around his waist, you bring him closer. Peter shivers as your pussy squeezes him so tight. It’s an outrageously awesome sensation that drives him to drill his dick deeper. Tilting forward, he groans, his lips grazing yours.

“Y’think I can make you squirt like this?” He chuckles, his throat bobbing as he swallows down a moan.

You shake your head wildly, whimpering the softest, “Noooooo! I told you already, I cannnnn’t!”

“Huh? What’s that, cutie? Aw. Too bad. ‘Cuz I’m not gunna slow down ‘til you do.” Peter teases, looking over his shoulder at the CCTV screens. He smirks crookedly, “Better be quick. Yer teammates’re gunna be back soon.”

You tip your head back as you whine again. Peter ruts into you so inexplicably fast, his pace renders your lungs useless. His fingers keep torturing your clit, guiding your pearl in a whirring dance of speedy buzzes. You shudder, clawing into his arms as your hips move on instinct. 

Speeding the rhythm of his thrusts, Peter furrows his brows. His cock pulses when he watches your tits bounce in your shirt. He bites his lip to stifle a whimper. Below him, you try to call his name. But his powerful movements rupture your pretty voice. “Hell yeah, gorgeous. That’s it. Don’t hold back, ‘kay? Just let it happen. Gunna cum, pretty girl? C’mon, ya gotta cum for me. You can do it. C’mon.” He begs, his tone a little closer to a whine.

Not even two minutes into sexing you up, he has you gushing a spritz of luscious heat. Score. He'll be thinking about this sexy success for weeks. The corners of your eyes leak hot tears, as a rapturous orgasm overtakes you. The entire, lower half of your body tightens, muscles clenching. Your pussy pops with a juicy burst. Leaking down your thighs and ass, your slick coats his twitchy cock.

He kisses you, his breath burning hot, “Doin’ so good, princess. So good for me. Was that fast enough for you? Hmm? Oh, fuck. I'm sorry, baby, I'm sorry, I'm sorry-”

Pulling his soaked length free, he showers your tummy in virile, white jets. Leaning over you, Peter laughs again, exhaling a long sigh of elation. His lips capture yours, drinking in your kisses for a few beats. He feels his heart twist with satisfaction. All at the awesome notion that he drove you to such an intimate, breaking point.

“How’s that for a quickie?” He teases with a cheeky grin, winking down at you.

Your blinky eyes gaze over his shoulder, looking somewhat dazed. Beneath him, you stir in place. You’re trying to say something. But you’re so braindead from the totally slammin’ orgasm he gave you, the words won’t happen.

But then, Peter notices the way your glazed hues narrow. That vibrant, golden glow from earlier returns. Sitting up on an elbow, you raise a hand to point at the CCTV screens behind him. Oh, you probably saw someone on cam. Peter’s dark gaze widens. A sudden beam of light pulsates at the tip of your finger.

“NO, NO, NO, NO-” He starts.

Too late. The golden flash fires like a speeding bullet from your fingertip, colliding into the screens. A powerful burst shatters the entire CCTV setup on impact. Electric static buzzes amongst broken glass and fried wires. Peter sighs, looking over his shoulder, then back down at your cute face.

“Babe, seriously? Now’s not the time to be tryin’ interior decorating!” He rolls his eyes, playing ignorant to your shared romp in the research lab, “Hold that thought...aren’t you supposed to be on patrol?”

[acotarxreader]

Shadow and Flame pt 3

Azriel X Reader

Warnings: Angst, smut, miscommunications, mentions of burn.

A/N: Right, I haven't written smut in a very long time and I am very rusty so apologies in advance there 😂 the end of this segment I hope it's clear that both situations happen concurrently and that that comes across yikes! I'm still blown away by people's kind words and welcoming nature. Thank you so much loves! Part 4 loading

Part 1 Part 2

--------------------------------

You woke to the smell of cedar and mist replacing the smell of burned skin in your nose. You sighed gently, tempting your eyes to open. You reached to feel the softest silk beneath your hands. This sent fear through you. Where were you? You tried to will your body upright but insurmountable pain shattered through your bones. Your eyes peeled open, to stare up at a delicately painted ceiling, the stars of the night sky looking back at you. You reached for any flame you could find but none came to you, your own fire truly exhausted from the battle with your Father's. 

“Easy there YN” the female's voice stopped your movements, your eyes frantically searching for the source as she stepped out of the shadow.

“Hello, I'm Feyre, please be gentle with yourself you were ravaged” she said quietly and you hated it. Hated the pity. You knew of Feyre, you knew of her and your brother, what happened Under The Mountain and all the things that happened since but mostly you knew she was not an immediate threat unless threatened. 

“Where am I?” You rasped through your smokey throat. 

“Velaris, this is our home, Azriel brought you to us when you landed on the town house steps, we have healers round the clock for you, it won't be long until you're right again” you groaned, trying to move your body, pushing away the pain. 

“I need Lucien” you breathed

“Yes well….about him, he is kind of sort of not available at the moment”

“What?” You gently turned your head to get a look at the beautiful High Lady.

“Az won't allow him to darken the door. I'm sorry if this upsets you but we must let him work through it himself if we are ever to see them in the same room again” Feyre left out the part where Azriel had nearly torn the Prince of Foxes limb for limb, leaving him in his own state of disrepair.

“I have to go, I have to go back to Autumn, he'll come for me”

“Beron will not step another foot in this Court unless he fancies losing it. My mate is handling him as we speak” she spoke with such hatred in her voice for your Father. He had crossed into the territory unwelcomed, certainly ruffling the treaty but you were his to fetch. You knew he'd come back, treaty or not. You couldn't stay here and risk the vengeance. You couldn't stay here and risk them finding out your heritage. You pushed up slightly to sit and rest against the headboard, your skin screaming at you to stop. You glanced around the room lit by sunlight, no flame to be seen

“Feyre, I need fire”

“I think you've had enough of that” she laughed but stopped once she noticed your stony expression.

She cleared her throat before speaking again. “Az has instructed us to keep you from fire until you are rested, he said you're a flight risk, he didn't care to elaborate” she gave a small smile. 

“Azriel is not my keeper. I have to get to flame, it will help me to recover” she weighed up her options as you pleaded with your copper eyes. She moved slowly to the fireplace to retrieve a matchbox and tealight, figuring a small light was of minimal risk. Your eyes followed her hands as she drew the match backwards, watching and waiting for the relief the crackle of fire would bring. The match drew against the red phosphorus as you held your breath. A shadow quenches the flame before it could grow.

“Feyre” her head snapped to Azriel as he stood in the doorway, tea tray in hand. She looked at the Shadowsinger as if she was a child caught with her hand in the cookie jar. 

“I-she said she needs it to recover” he sighed at her before glancing straight to you, the words she said only resonating with him then, you were awake.

“YN, thank the Gods” he dashed to your side, putting the tray down. Feyre allowed a smirk to grow, dropping the matches at the end of the bed before seeing herself out of the room.

“Get me Lucien” his face twisted in anger at the sound of the name and that these were the first words you'd uttered to him in a week. 

“YN, please I know he is your love but-” your loud laugh cut him off, pressure releasing as your ribs shook.

“That is disgusting” you remarked with a smile to the confused Shadowsinger. You swallowed the laugh growing in you again, attempting to swing your legs to the side of the bed to have Azriels hand stop you in your tracks. 

“YN please you must rest”

“I must get out of here before Fa-Beron comes and burns this place to cinders”

“He wouldn't dare, what is it he wants with you?” You glanced down at your feet and back up to meet the hazel eyes. You must have looked like a nightmare, ash still in your hair, cracked skin screaming to be reconnected with itself and yet Azriel looked at you with pure kindness in his eyes. 

“He wants - I can't tell you what he wants but I should go to him before he comes to collect” you said smally. Azriel kneeled to the side of the bed to fall between your legs as they hung over the edge. His hands slid into yours as if they were always meant to be there. You watched the movement with such caution. This wasn't supposed to happen. You weren't supposed to be seen. You weren't supposed to want to be seen. 

“I will not hesitate to kill him where he stands should he cross the threshold of the Night Court without permission again” his eyes searched yours with determination.

“I want to trust you” he lowered his head to your hands at your response. Azriel almost painfully slowly raised your hands to his mouth to place the gentlest of kisses on your cracked skin. This sent tingles through your body, the lovingness of the gesture warmed you, soothing your exhausted internal blaze. 

“Then trust me” His words broke your heart, but you felt you trusted him as much as you trusted your father would come for you.

“Give me a flame” your eyes landed on the box of matches at the end of the bed. His eyes followed yours with trepidation. If your father was to come then you were not going to have him find you broken in a bed. 

“YN-”

“-If I am to trust you then you are to trust me, give me a flame to aid my recovery” your eyes scanned him from side to side, hoping to portray the genuineness you felt. He released your hands, reaching for the match box again.

He dragged a match from its cage and looked into your eyes as he struck it off the red phosphorus, bursting into life. Its glow illuminated the space between you both. You reached a shaky hand towards the flame, it almost stretching out to you in joy of being reunited.

Azriel watched in awe, never had he seen the elements behave in such a way for any ordinary Fae. But you weren't ordinary, you were of pure Autumn Court blood, the flame a friend of yours. Your finger made contact with the heat, Azriel tried not to cringe at the sound of the sizzle. You breathed the energy before diving in. You were pulled from the bed and deep within its heat. Azriel leapt to his feet at the now empty bed in front of him. He cursed out loud, he trusted you and you left. He wanted to help you and you left. He cared for you and you left. The match fizzled out. 

“Told you” he jumped on the spot as you stood from behind him, skin beginning to knit together again faster than any healer could work. Your loose nightdress flowed over the scars now melting back into your skin as you smiled at the Shadowsinger. He exhaled in relief, closing the distance between you.

“Did you think I'd gone?” he caught hold of your hands as you gave a small laugh at his surprised face. 

“I thought you had evaded my touch once again Flame” you tried to hide your blush at his new pet name for you, failing miserably. You felt yourself almost fall into the shrinking space between you both, Azriels shadows dancing with your flames around your feet, finding home in one another. 

“Who are you Flame?” It was hardly above a whisper.

“I-”

“-Excuse me!” Madjas sharp voice split you both apart. 

“Madja I was just-”

“-Leaving Lady YN to bed rest, as we had agreed” she raised an eyebrow as Azriel almost shrunk into himself like a bold school child. You let a little laugh leave you at the sight, until Madja landed her gaze on you and you hung your head almost in shame. She pointed to the bed with a slender finger, you went to protest but her heated stare told you otherwise as you slipped back into the sheets. 

∆***************∆

You sank into the medicated bath. Normally being submerged in water had you feeling ill but the myriad of lit candles surrounding you gave you comfort. Madja had ordered you to soak your stitching skin and you now feared her almost as much as your father so you obliged. 

You hummed gently as your eyes rested in the swimming pool-like bath that was flush with the floor. You wondered where Lucien was, how angry he'd be with you, how enraged he'd be at the sight of you and Azriel earlier. You couldn't help but smile at the discomfort you'd bring your sibling. You reached for the salve Madja instructed you to apply, it's cream-like consistency foaming on the grooves of your skin.

“YN I brought you- Fuck sorry!” Azriel shielded his eyes quickly while dropping the books he held in his hand. You moved deeper in the water, suddenly shy at his presence. He moved to gather the books still blocking his eyes, kicking one into the bubbling water. 

“Shit!” 

“Azriel just open your eyes before you end up in here with me” you laughed retrieving the book, its ink blending into the water. Azriel thought for a moment to keep his eyes closed, the possibility of ending up in there with you making the hair on his neck stand up in excitement. He opened his eyes cautiously to find you staring up at him through your lashes.

“Thank you for lighting the candles for me earlier, a lovely surprise” 

“You're welcome, anything you need” he gathered the books, shivers running through him at the sight of your body beneath the bubbles.

“Actually Azriel….nevermind”

“No, what is it? Tell me” You shrunk in on yourself slightly, your boldness leaving you. He wanted to stay there with you as long as he could, in any capacity. 

“It's just….I need to put this salve on my back and…I can't reach and Madja has gone home for the evening and-”

“Sure” he replied quickly, cursing himself internally at your smirk. 

Azriel lowered himself on his knees behind you, his wings balancing him from teetering over the edge. You passed the jar back to him over your shoulder, trying to keep your anticipation to a minimum, fixing your glance at the navy tiling. 

He hovered his shaking hand above your shoulder as it glistened from the water. Azriel every so gently rubbed the salve into your skin, it foaming on contact. You rolled your head back slightly at the feeling of the soothing balm on your cracked skin causing a breath of relief to leave you. Azriels eyes fell over your shoulder for a moment to glance at your chest, he mentally scolded himself immediately for stealing the glance, pulling his hand back.

“Are you okay?” You noticed the missing sensation straight away, you rolled to lie on your stomach, forearms across the rim of the bath, you looked up at the Shadowsinger on his knees above you.

“I-I’m not sure I've ever felt so okay before in my life Flame” his eyes were so lovingly looking at you with such true sincerity you'd never felt from someone before. You pushed up from the bath to your feet, your whole torso dripping in bubbles gleaming. Azriel swallowed the lump in his throat, he was now eye level with you as you reached for his hand and pulled him closer to you. He couldn't help but trace your whole body with his eyes, drinking you in. Your hand slipped around the back of his neck, pulling him up from his knees and forward to meet your lips. 

Inferno. Azriels whole body felt warm and secure as you kissed him deeply, his hands going to your waist. You shuddered a little bit at his cold hands meeting your wet sides.

“Sorry sorry did I hurt you?” he pulled back suddenly to your surprise. 

“Azriel do you intend on hurting me?”

“No”

“Then no, you didn't hurt me, it's just because I'm all….wet that your dry hand just…startled me” Azriel took a moment to think before a devilish smirk grew across his face, he stood and began to strip down in front of you. Your mouth dried out at the sight of him, your skin felt electric as he sank into the water alongside you. His hand grazed the side of your cheek, pulling you forward to meet him gently. 

“I-was-so-scared-when-I-found-you-on-the-steps” Azriel breathed out between kisses. You passed one of your legs over his lap beneath the water to straddle him, tilting his head back to deepen the kiss. 

“Were you looking for me?” You smiled into the kiss, his hands wrapping around you to pull you flush into him. 

“I think my whole life Flame” your heart sang at these words, your breath taken from you as he attached himself to your neck. You moaned at the feeling of his teeth nipping you, trailing down your neck to your chest. Azriel hardened beneath you even more at the sound. You leaned up slightly, running a hand down his chiselled chest to beneath the surface of the water to his lengthy member. 

“Fuuuck” he breathed at the feeling and you grinned. You slowly lowered yourself back down onto him, moaning loudly in his ear, your nails dug into his shoulders at the sensation. You adjusted to him between your legs, the flames of the candles growing wilder around the bath. 

“Are you going to set me on fire Flame?” Azriel groaned out as you began to bounce slightly on his length. He reattached to your neck to muffle his groans, failing massively. The both of you moved in unison, tension building building building. Azriels fingers gripped into your sides with burning pressure, the flames around you growing taller and taller with your tighting core until the whole bath was surrounded by a ring of your fire. If Azriel was honest with himself, he was a bit afraid of the growing towers of fire but he felt so easily lost in your moans he forgot the fear as soon as it came. You moaned his name so loudly you were sure they heard you in Summer Court, toppling Azriel over his own edge, the flame on the candles becoming small and still again at the release. 

You stayed on his lap for a moment, until he stood with you still in his arms. He passed through the bathroom doors into your adjacent room with your flames dancing around to dry you both before he placed you on the bed. 

“Flame, I have to see to something with Rhys but I will be back before you know it” you ran your hand gently down his cheek as he leaned and whispered those words from above you. 

“I'll be here”

“Do you promise?”

“Do you trust me?” He kissed your cheek in answering your question before retrieving his clothes and redressing. You allowed your eyes to fall close as he slipped out the door. 

********* 

You rolled over to find the bed empty alongside you still an hour or so later. You lifted yourself from the bed, dressing in a robe that Feyre had laid out for you. You wandered down the hall in search of Azriel. 

“I don't care Rhys, she stays!” You heard Azriels sharp tone from the other side of a large oak door. You couldn't help but stop and listen. 

“Az, she is not from the Court, she belongs to Autumn-”

“She belongs to no one” Azriel seethed.

“Brother, she brings a threat to our door. Lucien has told us she must go to Autumn, to Beron, it is beyond our control-” your breath hitched in your throat, had Lucien let the cat out of the bag?

“It is very much in your control Cass” 

“Beron has made it clear that he will help us in our efforts should we return YN” 

“She is not a political pawn!”

“She belongs to Beron, she must go back! I am not going to war for some female that landed on our doorstep! He wants you dead Azriel, I will not have you sacrificed for her!” Rhysands hands banged against the solid wood of his desk. 

You took a step back from the door again. They were going to send you back. Your Father would have you mangled for the embarrassment of having to be sent against your will back to him. You looked at the candles lighting the stairwell adjacent and with a deep breath you knew it was time to go before they took you kicking and screaming. But you didn't want to, you couldn't leave like this, couldn't leave Azriel. The rock of having him hurt because of you and the hard place of returning to a vengeful father is where you found yourself wedged firmly between. You ran from the stairwell to your room, head scrambling.

“I could have said the same when you barraged in on Tamlin and Feyres wedding!’

“Az!” Cass reprimanded Azriel with his eyes for his comments. 

“That was different Az, Feyre is my mate!”

“And what if YN is mine!?” The two were instantly silent to this. Azriel felt such strong and complex feelings towards you, such a magnetic force, the flame to his smoke.  A chill ran down his spine. Something was happening. The three Illyrians took an instinctive fighting stance.

“Y/N” your father stood in a circle of flame in your room, eerily calm with an outstretched hand. 

“Come home now and all will be forgiven” Berons eyes told a different story. He was boiling in anger, anger you knew Azriel would take the brunt of if you didn't go now and yet you hesitated, looking around the safe space Azriel had made for you. You went to speak, to defy, to scream but you were too slow, too weak still, Berons flame engulfed you and pulled you from where you stood. 

 ****

Azriel materialised into your room, the other two warriors searching for the source of their unease elsewhere in River House. 

“Flame, you wouldn't believe the- YN?” He materialised in your room to find it empty. He ran to the bathroom to find you gone from there as well, all the flames in the room doused out.

*******************

What do we think friends?

Part 4

Tag list: @sunshineangel-reads @skylarkalchemist @tele86 @saltedcoffeescotch @impossibelle @quiettuba @thecraziestcrayon @fightmedraco

If you were forgotten please feel every right to give out to me

[barcaavengers]

Relaxing || Neymar Jr. Imagine || Smut

Note: I am baaaack! The World Cup brought back my Neymar muse and apparently my writing muse. Let's see how long this lasts. This was supposed to end up with his injury but it ended up in smut so....I hope you enjoy it! I'm still rusty since this is the first Imagine I write since...maybe a year or so ago so I apologize in advance.

Tags: Mostly the people that liked my post about this...

@naishaaaaa @champagne-priincess @chrisjevanss @superghostcolorjudge @ilov3sluts @alien-han @hannahzmllr @sofia-123s-things @nobunagas-chatelaine @neffade (some people I was unable to tag for some reason?)

Warning: No plot. Just filthy, horrible smut.

"Get that off your mouth" you scold like a mother to her little kid for chewing on everything. 

"Hm?" But he doesn't look at you. 

"Stop" you tug on his necklace and he spits it out. "Doesn't it taste weird?"

"No…" he is looking at the TV and starts fidgeting with the blanket. 

"Hey," you call and he finally looks at you, "Talk to me."

"Just anxious…" he says with a shrug. He has been watching the replays of some of the games. The closer it got to his games in the World Cup, the more you felt him tense. 

He was still him. Happy, funny, charismatic, but you could see more ahead and notice his little ticks, like chewing on his necklace. 

You place your phone on the night stand and turn to him, reaching for his hand. "Relax, okay? You got this. Your team does." You kiss the inside of his hand and he smiles softly. "Don't throw the world over your shoulder, okay?"

"The fans are expecting so much, and look how things have gone so far…"

"Doesn't mean it would go the same for you guys" you point out. "Yeah, you don't have your bunch of old teammates but the ones you have are doing very well. That's what you told me. You are not the only player." 

"I know…" he runs his hand through his face and the other one tightens around yours. "I'm confident we can win, just not how they expect."

"If you can win, that's what matters" he smiles and tugs your hand so he is now side hovering on top of you making you giggle. "Just relax, baby. Stop watching those replays. They are tensing you" you squeeze his shoulder before running your hand through his hair. "No World Cup hairstyle planned at the last minute?" You tease, just to change the subject. 

"Nah. I think I am old for that."

"Ney, you are thirty" you glare at him. 

"Adult thirty."

"You are still a kid" you hit his shoulder playfully, and he acts hurt. "What? Did I hurt your muscle? Need some pain relief after that?" You joke. 

"Shut up" he playfully struggles to get on top of you, his hands reaching for yours as you try to push him off, but obviously you didn't want to. "Who is thirty now, hm?" He says while you keep squirming under him before he pins them above your head. 

"Youuuu" you drew out and his eyes squint as he laughs. 

God you loved to see him smile and relax. You'd do anything to keep it permanent. 

"Hey" he calls after you two stop playing around. "I need to go soon." He brushes his nose against yours. 

Oh yes. Somehow he managed to sneak out of the team's hotel to stay at yours. 

"I know" you sigh and your bodies relax against one another. He shifts his weight so he is now resting his head on your chest and your arms go around him. "Remind me again how you will sneak back in?"

"Secret" he mutters as he snuggles. 

"Mhm" you hum and run your fingers through his hair. "I love you, Ney" you mutter, "Whatever happens…I'll be here" you assure him. You knew his little insecurity of not being good enough for someone to stay with him through everything. You wanted to assure him that you'd always be there. And he secretly loved it when you blurted it out of the blue. 

"Thank you, princess" you feel him smile and he shifts his weight and kisses the exposed skin of your chest. You were wearing a simple sleepwear dress with spaghetti straps, so they would slip around every now and then so he took advantage of it. "I love you too" he looks up at you.  

"Wanna play some COD to distract yourself?"

"Nah, I'll wait for the glitches to go away on the next update" he shrugs and then he looks at you, hazel green eyes turning dark.

Oh no. 

"No" you say firmly. 

"What?!" He sounds offended. 

"I know that look Da Silva. Answer is no."

"What look?!" He pretends to hide it, but he is getting a cheeky grin. 

"You know!"

"I swear I'm not doing anything! Just loving on my girl!" He says, yet his lips press closer to the top of your breast. 

"No!"

"Okay, then, why not?"

"We can't…before the match."

"Myth" he says and shifts so he is now facing you from on top. "You don't have to do anything. Just-"

"You have to go or it will get late" you have to be strong or this one can convince you to do anything. 

"It would help me relax" he grins, you glare at him. "You know that actually helps me" he says in his defense. And then he does the eye thing….those beautiful hazel eyes just shining…

"Okay but that's it. Nothing else. I'm serious."

"I know" he grins, pushing himself on his forearms to reach your lips and kiss you.

The way his lips moved against yours so softly was something you'd never get tired of. His lips enclosing around your bottom lip, his tongue peaking teasingly as he smiled. He knew what he was doing. 

One of his hands moves to cup under your chin, holding you in place as he deepens the kiss and his tongue meets yours and, the habit he had, of pulling away a few inches and licking your lips. Weird, but for some reason you found it…hot. 

He moves to your neck, kissing down with a little nip in a few spaces making you squirm. His hand on your neck drops to your shoulders, his fingertips brushing your skin as he pulls the straps of your dress down your shoulder so his next move was comfortable. He pulls down the front of your dress and looks up at you, his eyes finding yours. 

He pulls the front lower until one of your breasts is exposed. His thumb brushes against your nipple, tugging at it to get its attention. You bite your lip and he smirks before leaning down. His tongue comes out to flick on it, once, then twice, then repeatedly. Your fingers move around his hair soothingly, eyes closing to enjoy the feeling of his wet tongue flickering over your nipple, his hand moving to grope gently on the other one making you hum in pleasure. You feel him stop and your eyes flutter open enough to see him licking his own lips, looking up at you and shifting his body to the side before taking your nipple between his lips again. 

Your head falls back at the sensation,  feeling his lips suck on your nipple as he gropes harder on your other breast making you moan. The view of him with messy hair, shirtless and sucking on your breast was just a sight for you. You swear you could cum right there and then. He pulls away from that one, giving it a flick with his tongue to move to the other one. He let's go of your breast and slides his hand to your thigh, slowly pulling up the end of your dress and sneaking his hand into your underwear. 

His finger is quick to find your wetness and he grunts against your breast. He covers his index finger in your wetness before moving it to your clit and you gasp when he touches it. "Ney…" you breathe out, tugging slightly on his hair. He continues to move it around, playing with your wetness that was now starting to move down your thigh. 

"Shhh" he whispers. "I got you" and with that his finger slips inside of you and your lips part. His finger moves around slowly, massaging your walls and pulling out to collect some more. "So wet for me, princess…" he hums and pulls his hand out of your panties and brings his finger to your lips which you part to taste yourself. "Shit…" he grunts as your tongue moves around his finger. "That's my girl…See how good you taste…" 

He pulls his finger out and slips it in your underwear again, this time using two fingers to collect your wetness, but not without teasing you. He presses against your bundle of nerves and starts rubbing on it rapidly, making your hips buck. "Oh….yes…" you gasp and arch your back. 

"Come on, baby. Let me have you…" he whines. "You are so wet…" he slips his finger out again and puts it in his mouth, moaning around his finger and you watch him as he savors you. "So good…" You can feel yourself getting wetter by just looking at him. 

You shift your position so you are facing him since he is on his side, reaching between your bodies to reach for his hard on that was already poking on your thigh. He pushes his shorts down, raising his hips and tugging on them. "We have to be quick…" you rush. As much as you wanted to enjoy him, he had to be at the hotel at a certain time and it was already close. You didn't want to get him in any trouble. 

He reaches around your waist and grabs onto your butt cheek, pulling you close to him. You reach for your dress, trying to take it off by almost sitting up but Neymar had other plans. He reached for your waist and pulled you on top of him. "Better? That way I don't use too much energy" he winks at you. 

"You are unbelievable" you smirk and lean down to kiss him. Your lips moving against his plump ones in a heated kiss. His hands reach for your butt, running his hands around it before pulling on the hem of the dress and bringing it slightly up so it was exposed. He bites onto your lip before giving you a slap on your rear making your eyes widen. "Really?"

"What? This?" He slaps your rear again and you hiss, your heat now rubbing against his hard on through your underwear. "You love it", another one and your teeth catch the corner of your lip. You don't say anything, just move your body to the right position so you can start moving your hips against his own. Your forehead rests against his as you raise your hips and bring them down, repeating the movement back and forth.

Neymar didn't seem to find what to do with his hands. They were roaming all over your body, touching every curve, gripping on your waist as you moved against him, helping you move exactly the way he wanted to so you wouldn't tease. "Princess…" the way his voice sounded so deep turned you on. He holds your waist with one hand to stop your moves, using his free to move your underwear to the side. You fix your posture to sit on him as he uses the hand on your waist to hold his cock up so you could sink down. 

You take him in slowly, inch by inch, savoring how good the friction was of him as he slid through your walls. Your eyes were closed, lips pressed together, one hand holding yourself up on his chest and the other one holding your hair back. A grunt leaves his lips once he is, and you both stay still for a moment. 

Neymar lets your dress drop and reaches for the hand on his chest, interlocking your fingers together and reaching for the other one, doing the same. Your hips start moving slowly forward, his hands steadying you as you do. His hazel green eyes looked at your body with lust as you moved on him. 

And damn did he look so good like this. His skinny arms extended out to you as he held your hands, his hips swiftly moving every now and then searching for that spot that he knew would make you reach your high faster. He just knew your body. 

And you knew his. You know how much he loves when you leave a trail of kisses starting from his neck down to the waistband of whatever he was wearing. His earlobe was a weak spot for him, even with his earrings, you'd bite and tug at it and he would let out a soft moan that would drive you crazy. 

You start bouncing on his lap. Every sit down echoing through the room, and it drove you to cloud nine when you closed your eyes and focused on it. He lets go of your hands and reaches for your hips, helping you move as you use your knees to push yourself up, throwing your head back as your boyfriend found the right spot. 

"Right there?" He asks and you can only nod your head, running a hand through your hair to push it back, the other one searching for the hem of your dress and once it does you pull it off, Neymar helping. Then in a matter of seconds, you are on your back, Neymar pushing deep into you and staying still as he moves to rest on his forearms. "Hey."

"Hi" you grin and he chuckles. He kisses your forehead, then the bridge of your nose before snapping his hips against you hard and you gasp. "Fuck…" 

"I know, baby" he mutters, his hand reaching for your hair and pulling at it harshly making your back arch as he starts setting the pace. Your legs were wide open to have him in between and the way he was positioned was making your joints burn a little, but it was a different kind of burn. The way he slid in and out of you due to your wetness was giving him all the green lights to thrust into you from any way he wanted. 

He sat up and pulled you closer by your legs so you were almost resting on his. He held onto them and started thrusting again making you moan louder in pleasure. Your body felt on fire as he did, no matter how hard he pulled at your hair when he thrusted. He knew you liked it anyway, and he never pulled hard enough that you couldn't handle.

One leg he moves to rest on his shoulder, he moves to hover over your other one before thrusting quickly into you, his eyes closing as he licked his lips. "Don't stop…" you pant as you start feeling yourself tighten around him and feeling that familiar throb. His hand reaches for one of your breasts, holding onto it as he continued his moves. Your back arches when he starts playing with your nipple, tugging and running his forefinger around it. 

Your own hands are holding on to the side of his thigh while the other one tugs at the bedsheet underneath you. "You close, baby?" Neymar asks between breaths and your head nods. He stops his moves and quickly changes positions, hand on your waist and he moves you so you are laying upside down, your knees moving under you before Neymar positions you. He could be bossy without saying anything, he would just handle you and place you however he wanted. 

Your boyfriend finds his rhythm again while you are trying your best to hold yourself up, and he was holding you by your hip, but his thrusts were too powerful, even making the bed squeak under you. They were turning erratic, his groans getting mixed with your moans as they got louder when he found your spot. He took advantage of it and repeatedly reached it, changing the angle for it. "Fuck!" You couldn't hold back the curses coming from you at this point. Your walls tighten around him, feeling his cock throbbing against them. He pushes you so you are laying down flat, you feel him lay on top of you as he keeps his movements. His tongue runs on your neck before biting at it and kissing it, then your earlobe where he whispers between pants how good you are taking him and that he was close with that tone filled with lust. 

A few more thrusts and your toes are curling when it is too much, knuckles turning white from holding tightly onto the sheets as you find your release with a cry of pleasure. One of his hands gives up and lands on top of yours, holding tightly on top of it as he gives you a final thrust and you feel his warmth inside of you, his moan going right into your ear. 

After a few seconds, he kisses under your ear and chuckles. "So much for not using too much energy, huh?" You tease as your face turns to the side. 

"You said we had to be quick, you were teasing" he kisses your cheek before raising himself from on top of you and sitting up, smacking your rear before rolling off. 

"I was not" you say defensively as you turn on your back and push your hair off your sweaty face. 

"Yeah yeah" he mocks as he holds his hands out for you. "Need help getting up?" He gives you a side smirk and you fill your eyes before taking his hands and he pulls you up, quickly bending down to pick you up. "I can't see you tomorrow" he says as he carries you to the bathroom. 

"Glad we got that clear" you nod your head. 

"Or maybe I could just-"

"No. No maybes" you say firmly.

"Fine" he puts you down in the shower before turning on the water, which came out as cold as the Arctic.

"Neymar!" You gasp and he just laughs before you take his hand and pull him to you. 

He is laughing and squirming, trying to get away from the cold water and reaching to change it but between your fits of laughter he couldn't. And that was enough for you to know that you have distracted him and that he was letting go of the tension, and you wish to keep it that way. 

[yuusishi]

*breaks into your Tumblr* HELLO THERE!! 👀

May I request a fluffy crack-like scenario where Idia, Rook, and Trey (separately) confess to the gn!reader. The reader happily accepts their confession because, of course, they also like them too. HOWEVER! They state something unexpectedly hilarious just after the confession:

"Well, since we are dating now, you'll have to prove yourself worthy of being Grim's father. That little gremlin may be annoying and tiring to deal with, but he's like my son, you know?"

What would their reaction be? And thank you in advance!! 💕

To Be My Boyfriend is to Be Grim’s Parent!

pairings: Idia Shroud, Rook Hunt, Trey Clover x gn!reader (sep.)

they/them pronouns used

genre: fluff, crack-ish

cws/tws: none

a/n: THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE, THIS REQ WAS ONE OF THE ONES BEFORE NOVEMBER IT’S FINALLY HERE 😭. I got a little rusty due to not writing for a while but I hope this is still good! Also I apologize that I forgot to make it a little crack-ish on Trey and Idia </3

¡ Idia Shroud !

“Y-You actually like me? Like you’re being for real? This isn’t a joke, right?” Idia’s speech was frantic and he was slightly scratching at his fingers ``Of course I do, the others may be nice to me like you but you’re just different. Like, help me with my homework, let me hang out with you when I feel down, and a lot more, and I love you for that”

‘Oh Seven, they even dropped the L word…’ Idia pulled up his hood and hid his face within it

You let out a little giggle before speaking again “Although…”

Idia peeked out from his hood, preparing himself for the worst while you just continued laughing

“Since I assume we’re dating…” you slowly put your hands on your hips and looked at Idia dead in the eyes, slightly startling the boy “...you need to prove yourself worthy of being Grim’s father!”

Idia stared off at your face for a moment, brain malfunctioning

‘Father…I’m Grim’s father…? Wait…, wouldn’t that make [Name] my….’

Congratulations you made Idia’s brain blue screen.

After calming him down from his thoughts he sighed and pulled you into his embrace, his arms wrapped around your lower back and his head buried into your shoulder

“I guess I am experienced in taking care of kids like Grim, I can take it”

Although you said it all as a joke, you lovingly stared over at Idia’s head and returned his embrace.

¡ Rook Hunt !

Rook’s answers to things are always so extravagant, always knowing what to say in most situations, but nothing could have prepared him for what you said

“Prove myself worthy of becoming the father of Monsieur Peluche?” he was shocked to say the least, his face was wide-eyed and a small gap between his lips with his brain trying to fully process it before he busted out his signature close-eyed smile

“What a glorious challenge, mon cherie! I shall become nothing short of the best father to him…!” he paused before taking your hand in his and pressing a gentle kiss onto your knuckles “...And of course, the best husband for you, mon amour”

Ah…it seems your own joke backfired on you for you are the one with a face flushed red at Rook’s actions.

Grim’s ears perked up when he heard you yelling for him in the empty hallways, it was after class hours after all, he instantly became suspicious when Rook was way more affectionate than usual. Rook doesn’t flirt with students, but he does say things sometimes that sound like he is

“What do you want?” Grim eyed Rook

“I, Rook Hunt, am one of your parents now!” he yelled as he picked up Grim like he weighed nothing

“New what?! I didn’t even know I had one parent?!” he yelled back “Oh how cruel you are to [Name], they told me that to be their boyfriend is also to be your father!”

Grim gave you a confused and begging look before reluctantly giving in to Rook’s hold.

¡ Trey Clover !

“E-Excuse me?” he blinked in confusion

“Mhm! That Grim is my son and since we are dating you need to prove that you’re a good father for him!” you stared at him with a determined face with your hands on your hips

Trey was full of confusion at this moment, mainly out of shock, but laughed it off with a sigh “Well, knowing Grim, shall we bake something for him as a peace offering?”

Your eyes lit up at the mention of baking with your now boyfriend and you yelled a yes.

You rested your arms on the countertop of Heartslabyul’s kitchen, them being tired from mixing all the batter needed for Trey’s peace offering cake to Grim

“Did baking tire you out that much?” he teased “Yeah, guess I’m not used to so much arm movement” you laughed

Trey paused for a moment before leaning in closer to your face “Did you eat some of the cake batter?”

Only realizing now that you got some of the batter on your lips you awkwardly laughed in front of his scolding eyes, Trey sighed before wiping off the batter on your lips quickly with his thumb and wiping it off on a kitchen rag. You heard him make a little hum before he leaned in again but this time instead of his thumb on your lips it was his lips on yours, the red on your face almost matching the red on Heartslabyul’s walls when he pulled away while he had a mischievous grin on his face

“I guess cake batter does taste good, but it’s better when it’s fully baked”.

[dynamightsdaydream]

lazy mornings | K. Bakugou x GN! Reader

6:44 am

notes: I wrote this at six am. I have had nothing but Bakugou on the brain since it is his birthday. And this is the result. I haven't written anything in a while so I may be a bit rusty. So, I apologize in advance. Anyways, I am going to go bake some cupcakes to celebrate kat's birthday. I hope you enjoy this thingy I wrote half asleep, and on like 4 hours asleep. Stay safe <3

cw and tw; unedited, not proofread, mildly spicy if you squint, pure fluff, reader is sorta a simp, pretty cheesy, and just a whole lot of soft tsundere kat.

word count: 563

Morning rays of the early sunrise began to pour in through the glass of the bedroom window. The warm sunlight was kissing your skin softly. Feeling half asleep the only thing you could make out was the feeling of a large protective arm around your waist. With closed eyes you smiled at the feeling of him. The way his body molded perfectly into your curves and shape as he held you. Opening your eyes, you were met with the peaceful image of your sleeping boyfriend. You felt your cheeks heat up at the mere sight of him. Shirtless, with this adorable sleeping face. His features pressed against the fluffy pillows. With his brow furrowed and his lips parted, forming a slight pout.

You began to shift in attempt to get into a more comfortable position. Nuzzling into your boyfriend next to you, his skin was filled with warmth and comfort. Katsuki grumbled in response but didn’t open his eyes. He just hoisted you up a bit, so you were resting in the crook of his neck. Inhaling deeply, you receive a waft of the singed caramel and musk scent he emitted, feeling entirely at peace this morning.

“You creep…” He spoke in his gruff morning voice. Earning a giggle from you. Lifting your gaze, you were met with two crimson orbs. “M’ not a creep…” you whined. “You watched me sleep for about two minutes and you sniffed me. So, what's your explanation for that hah? Sweetheart?” His words, laced with a small chuckle. “You're just so pretty and peaceful looking when you sleep...” You spoke as you caress his stubbly cheek. Beginning to blush, he averted his gaze from yours.

“I mean in contrast to when you're awake anyway,” You tease him. “Tch shut up...” He rolled his eyes playfully making you laugh. Your thumb and pointer finger tilting his head down, so your eyes met once more. You couldn't help but admire him... He was so ruggedly handsome. Sharp jawline, ruby red eyes that sparked such intensity, and pouting lips that were so eager to meet your own. Pulling you closer. He wrapped his strong arms around your waist, pecking your lips.

“Kiss me like you mean it...” You whispered onto his lips. "Askin' for it aintcha' sweetheart? Can't say no to you though, can I?" He smirked. His hot breath grazed your lips, slowly he leaned in and connected his to yours. Your heads tilting right and left, lips moving together in sync. The kiss was full of need and passion. As all his kisses were, he always left you utterly breathless. His mouth so warm, something you cannot imagine not feeling daily. He pulled gently on your bottom lip, making you gasp. A wandering hand ran along your thigh whilst another up your lower back. Your soft hands brush along the nape of his neck and pinch at strands of ash blonde hair.

Pulling away your eyes met his. His pupils dilated with pure love and adoration. Eyes are always a window to tell the way someone feels, they never lie. And his eyes were crystal clear. Bakugou Katsuki is ever so deeply in love with you. It was clear as the morning sky. Moments like these were rare. But you both learned how to value them. Lazy mornings with your pro hero lover were something to truly behold.

[heymeowmao]

2024.04.08 - https://weibo.com/l/wblive/p/show/1022:2321325020940722634974

bgm: 世世 (Lifetime) - The Legend of Shen Li OST

LYN: Hallo everybody, long time no see! Long time no see. Hold on a sec. It’s been so long that the equipment feels unfamiliar. I know it’s been, truly, a long time since I streamed last. Um... my apologies. C: The equipment turned rusty? LYN: It’s not to that extent. My equipment’s the best.

C: I climbed the wall (left the fandom), da-ge. LYN: What does that mean…? You don’t need to climb walls to watch my stream. You can just watch on your bed or on a chair- sitting, lying down- it’s all good. Sit on your sofa. You don’t need to climb walls to watch. LYN: I can’t believe you would climb the wall. Here in my circle, if you want to climb the wall, you can just climb silently. Okay? You can climb the walls silently- you don’t need to tell me. I have a lot of fans, and many of whom have stayed with me for a long time. If one day you tell me, “Ning-ge, I don’t want to be your fan anymore. I’ll go be a fan of someone else.” Let’s arrange this in advance- you don’t need to tell me. That’s the first thing. The second thing is: you don’t need to tell other fans, either. Ok? Can you do that? What we want is a genial coming and a genial separation. You can do that right, friends? You don’t need to tell me and you don’t need to tell other fans. You don’t need to make it clear, then leave. There’s no need. LYN: There’s a song that goes, “Break up with decency, and no one has to say sorry.” (体面 (Decency) by Kelly Yu) -- 体面 (Decency) LYN: I really forgot how to sing this song. Excuse me. But you get the point. If one day you decide to climb the wall or window, it doesn’t matter. Maintain some decency. Thank you.

bgm: 撞地球 (Earth Collision) by Yu Er Qi C: How come you suddenly came to stream? LYN: I just got back to Hengdian and I think it’s only right that the first thing I do is come meet you. I know we haven’t met up in a while and you all miss me. 

C: Have you eaten? LYN: Today I sort of started in my new crew and I’ve been training in martial arts. Before training I had two pieces of toast, so I’m good. C: Do you have a lot of fight scenes? LYN: It’s not a little, in any case. It’s a guzhuang drama. I’ve had few roles in guzhuang dramas where I didn’t have a fight scene. For the most part, I always have to fight. But my previous drama (ZLYM) has less- not too many scenes, maybe two or three. But this drama has a fair amount more fight scenes. I’ve also played a role where I didn’t have any fight scenes - Luo Mingxi. He was a civilian court official. He just talked to people all day, and didn’t have to fight. I didn’t have to fight or ride horses. So I dodged the bullet there, but little did I know that the next drama after that- TXJ- was nothing BUT fight scenes. Life is just like that: the amount of work you have to do is fixed. If you’re lazy to begin with, you have to make it all up later. It’s okay, though. I think the more fight scenes is considered as a challenge for me. Why am I training before officially entering the crew? Because I feel like my skills have regressed. I didn’t have many fight scenes in my previous drama so I want to train again and regain some coordination. Since I’m so tall and all. My coordination is not the greatest so I wanted to acclimate first. It’ll save me from holding the drama back. 

C: Then, Ning-ge, do you live in this drama? LYN: /laughs/ /sighs/ LYN: It’s undecided whether I die or not in this drama. No- not “undecided”, I just can’t tell you. Of the dramas I’ve landed roles in, my death rate is really… Except for the modern dramas, my death rate in guzhuang dramas has reached 80%. I don’t know what it is. Just coincidence? But in this one, I probably don’t. I’m not sure. LYN: I think it’s fine to come to your end when the right time comes. From one perspective, it’s a goodbye to the character. From another, it will make the viewers remember the character. Of all the dramas I’ve done there was never any intention to shoot a sequel, so it doesn’t really matter if I died or not. C: Ning-ge, if you die you’ll get a red envelope. LYN: Usually there’s only 5-10rmb in there. When you’re shooting a drama and your character dies the crew will prepare a red envelope for you. To ward off the negative energy. Because even if you’re just shooting a drama, if you’re playing a character who dies, it’s not very auspicious. So they will prepare a red envelope for you to wash away the negative energy and let you walk away “clean”.

C: When will you stop streaming? LYN: It’s hard to say. I’ll just stream a while and when I’m tired, I’ll leave. Ok?

C: I’m in class. LYN: It’s ok- take your class. There’s always the stream playback and you can watch it when you’re done learning in class.There’s nowhere for me to run, anyway. C: How could you ask him when he’s leaving when it’s only just started?? LYN: Yeah! If you don’t want to watch the playback, then turn the notifications on and next time when I stream you won’t miss it. Also in the early stages when I’m preparing to join the drama- that includes script readings and etc- during this time I have a higher probability of streaming. So in the next few days I probably won’t stream just this once. I’ll do a few more so, you can subscribe to my weibo. When I start streaming you won’t miss it. Watching the livestream is better (than playback) though, because there’s this sense of cooperation. I think that’s one of the charms of a livestream- I can see all the comments that you’re typing.

C: What a large pie. LYN: That’s enough. I’m here now, aren’t I? It’s not like I’m not streaming AT ALL. If it went a bit longer without me streaming, you can say that about me. But I’m here today! I’m very conscientious! As soon as I have time- GA!- I start streaming. 

bgm: 热辣滚烫 (YOLO) - YOLO movie OST

C: Are you wearing a hat because you didn’t wash your hair? LYN: No, it’s because I’m balding. I don’t have any hair up here and what you see now is a hair piece. I bought fake bangs. If I take this off it’ll look like a Qing dynasty drama. You know what that is, right? The front top is all bald and starting from here (back) they leave a braid. I look like that. Another thing is- even if I WERE to act in a Qing drama, they’d think my hair is too little. They’d have take off a little more- my hairline is right here. So it’s not that I haven’t washed my hair. C: You shampoo spokesmanship has ended, right? LYN: … Oh, yeah! I’m still L’Oreal’s brand spokesman. I have their hair and makeup products. Friends- that part just now was just a joke. It’s because I haven’t used L’Oreal’s product to wash my hair today. So my hair is a bit oily. I’m wearing a hat to cover it up. C: Oh no, Ning-ge. You’re going to lose your spokesmanship. LYN: Don’t speak nonsense!! Are you cursing me?

----- ground rules for new fans

C: Ning-ge, can you hit me? LYN: !! Come here, come here. /grabs a water bottle and smacks it across the “mouth”/ Shut up! LYN: Don’t you dare try to provoke me in my own stream. LYN: Let me tell you friends, it’s like this. I always joke about this. I say- It’s been about six years since I’ve debuted and I don’t have many new fans. I always say that I don’t have new fans. But now, after a few of my dramas have aired, I realize that there IS a group of new fans out there. There are, and I can feel it now. How can I feel it? When? It’s because my old fans and I have this feeling of mutual respect between us. We respect each other. I respect them, and they respect me. They would never come to provoke me. Very rarely, at least. There are very few of them who would call me “husband.” A lot of fans like to call their idols “husband” and the like, but we don’t do that here. If sometimes they shout a few times, it’s only them testing it out but otherwise they maintain decency. We’re returning to that word again, “decent.”

LYN: But I found out that there are a group of new fans- it was at the ZLYM drama wrap fan support event. I went to greet you all, right? I discovered a problem. There were a few of you who would reach out and grab my hands. Usually I just wave at you. They reached directly for my hands, to touch me. In that moment I was a bit stunned. It’s been a really long time since I experienced that- I was touched. Someone took advantage of me! No, not to that extent, because it’s not as if I am very expensive, but- what happened to the boundary between us? At the last fan support there were at least two or three people, if I remember correctly, who grabbed my hand. Here, anything is fine as long as you don’t start getting handsy. Ok? I’m sure that there are many new fans watching my stream. We have rules here, and one of them is: Don’t touch. Don’t get handsy, ok? I can out my trust in you and come closer to you, but don’t touch. Remember that. That’s the first thing. 

LYN: The second thing is- a lot of my old fans know- I’ve said this before. If you’re greeting me, it doesn’t matter if you’re at the airport or on the street, if you say something like, “Oh, Hello Ning-ge! What a coincidence!” or something of the like, that’s okay. But don’t grab your phone. The thing I hate the most is when people are like this: /brandishing their phone, watching him THROUGH IT, and talking at him trying to get a good shot./ You think you’re a reporter?? Sometimes I even suspect that the next thing you’ll say is, “Ning-ge, what is your most favorite out of the roles you’ve played?” I feel like you’re trying to INTERVIEW me. There’s no need. If you want to say “Hi” to me, then do it. If you want to record me, then don’t say anything. Ok? When you call me usually I’ll turn back to look. But when I turn back to see that you’re recording me, I just feel like… a tool. My purpose is so that you can get a shot of  me “turning back and crying.” It feels like that. I don’t really like it. If you want to record me, then don’t call out for me. If you call out for me, then greet me properly- like how friends on equal footing would communicate. Ok?

LYN: Another thing is, in public settings, please don’t call me “husband.” It’s really shallow! Is our relationship really that shallow? I don’t want it to be! Let’s not play that game. We’re just good friends, here. Right, ‘fam? Don’t call me that. If you do and some passerby hears/sees, what are they going to think of us?? Let’s not be like that. What are you doing shouting that on the street? What if someone records it and sends it to your mother?? Someone gets a video of you and uploads it online, where your mother comes across it and then thinks, “My daughter is out here doing WHAT??” See if she’ll smack you when you get home or not. C: Post it. My mother would be so happy she could die. LYN: /laughs/ I’ll send it to your father! Let him hit you!

LYN: I know I said this in a joking manner, but despite that, if we get a chance to meet in the future, don’t touch. Don’t grab me. Thank you. I… I mind these things. It’s not that don’t like you all, I just... don’t think there’s a need. C: (No hands?) Then, lips. LYN: … LYN: It’s like this. I’m pretty tall. When I’m wearing shoes I’m probably taller than 1.9m. The average woman’s height is around 1.65m. My leg, if I lift it, can reach up to around 1.65m. And then, if you come over with your lips, and I happen to lift my leg… My legs are around 1.13m long. If I lift then kick out- like this- If I kick you on the mouth, I think you can get sent flying around 1.75m out. It’s possible that your head hits the floor first. So, please be aware of your safety. Try not to come at me with your lips. You’d get sent flying to around 1.75m-1.85m away. Let’s not struggle with the exact distance. Keep that in mind. Thank you.

-----

C: Ning-ge, your legs are 122cm long. LYN: No, they’re not that long. We don’t need to embellish ourselves like that. They’re not that long- it’s just because I’m wearing shoes. It’s the angle of that picture- I know which one you’re talking about. There was a 1.22m tall divider, right- it makes it look like I’m very tall but it’s just because my shoes were thick to begin with. Also, honestly, I don’t see the need to fight for height. There’s no way I can be considered short or get any shorter, so there’s no need for me to go around boasting about how long my legs are. That’s not something we market. I don’t want to create that image- that I’m full of myself. “Wow, Ning-ge’s legs are 1.22m~!” I’m only 1.9m tall- is my upper body only .7m in length?? Not even .7, is it more .6? What am I?? Am I the top of a millstone?? Just like with the beads, my upper body must of be of the short variety. Like a pumpkin seed? There’s no way it’s that short. There’s no need to fight about it, because it’s true that I am quite tall but as long as it’s proportionate, that’s enough. We don’t need to go out and advertise that my legs are 1.22m long. That’s terrifying. Let’s not market me like that. I can’t stand that type of image.

bgm: 穿越回忆奔向你 (Run Through Memories Towards You) - Sword and Fairy 1 OST

C: /asks about the photos at Disney/ LYN: They were photoshopped. You think we wouldn’t need to edit them, a little? It’s necessary. Otherwise I wouldn’t be presentable. 

--- The Truth S2

C: When does The Truth start? LYN: Probably around… the end of April? I’m not exactly sure. I heard that it would air at the end of April. I hope it can happen, in any case. I know they’re already editing. We’ve shot two episodes already. Wait- how many is it? /thinks/ It should be four episodes. 

C: Do you still think it’s scary? // I thought you said it wasn’t? LYN: I know I’m up in age, but I am still very innocent/naive. Not to say that I maintain any sense of childish innocence, but I was truly too naive. /jokingly/ I wet myself. LYN: I hope that- because there’s this thing that wraps around your waist and there’s a stick that holds the camera up, facing you. Like a GoPro, recording your reactions. I hope the resolution on that is pretty low, otherwise you’ll realise that I’m close to tears. I couldn’t stop my saliva, so it came out through my eyes. It feels like that. LYN: When we were recording the first episode, I think the crew was trying to test what our limits were. I know you’ve seen online- we were holding lanterns. That’s not something in the actual episode itself. I think the crew was using that to test our courage and see how much we could take. From level 1-5. Then for example, if you already can’t take Level 1, or me- when I got to Level 5 and I passed out. I was scared out of my wits. If the crew thinks that at that level the later recordings won’t go smoothly, they might choose to replace you with someone else. They’ll ask another guest to come play. The first episode is five levels of terror, as a test. If you happen to pass out during the test, they’ll switch you out with someone else. They’ll ask another artist to go. Or, if you get so scared you start spitting white foam and are sent to the emergency room, they’ll ask someone to step in. If you pass out in the middle of recording, then it’s difficult to continue the episode. That would be a production error, so they tested us first. LYN: It’s a good thing that I made it through. I only cried.

C: Ning-ge, are you also Liu Xialai (留下来; to stay/remain) this time around? LYN: No. I’m called “Liu Yanlei” (流眼泪; to shed tears) now. /laughs/

LYN: I’ve already worked with The Truth production crew once before, right? So my expectation from them is that they cut out the parts of the episode where I was so scared I cursed out loud. I don’t care if they show me crying- they can air that. It’s not shameful. That’s a real reaction. But all they need to do for me is to cut out my cursing. 

---

C: Ning-ge, is your nose is okay? LYN: It’s okay. I bumped it a little when I went to record for Hello Saturday, but it’s okay. It’s all good.

C: Why the sudden stream? LYN: I came back (to Hengdian) today, so I decided I would stream a while. It’s been a long time since we’ve met, so I came to see you. 

LYN: I’m going to stream more in the coming days, for sure. Don’t worry. I am not creating more pies. I will definitely stream more, and why? Because I still want to have the honor of receiving Weibo’s “2024 Livestream King” award. I need it, so don’t worry. For my career, I will stream more. To me, the Weibo Livestream King award is truly precious. 

C: Is the album finished? LYN: When I went to Beijing this time, I recorded one. Now I’m just missing a couple more. /laughs/ Why am I always missing some?? Songs are just so hard to find! I’m not a songwriter, so it’s hard for me to come across a song that I like. It’s not because I have high standards! High or low doesn’t matter, what matters is that I have to like the song. I have to like it, or there has to be something about it that speaks to me. If I can’t find something that I think works, then I don’t see a need to release the song. It’s rare for me to release an album, so at the very least I want to release songs that I like on it. I don’t care if the songs are popular or not- that’s not my priority. I just want to like the songs, and think they sound nice. That’s all I want. But there’s always something… LYN: The other day I picked a song that I liked. When you listen to it, it makes you happy. C: You were missing two the last time. LYN: Yeah, I’m still missing two now. I chose another song the other day and the lyrics are being written for it, since the original demo was in English.

C: I’ve liked you for 155 days now. If you don’t “flip” (respond) to me… LYN: /unbothered/ What are you going to do about it? What if I don’t respond to you?

LYN: Everyone, you’ve been watching The Legend of Shen Li, right? The song I played earlier, too, is from Sword and Fairy 1 (YJXY) which is another drama that’s been airing lately. If you have time you can watch the drama. It’s from Sword and Fairy/Chinese Paladin, which I really like. I used to play the game when I was younger; I play it now, too. Sword and Fairy 1 through 7. I’ve played it all. When you have time you can check out YJXY  as well as YFX. It’s a drama worth watching, for sure. When they were still shooting, I even went to visit the set. LYN: I went to visit friends, but it was a nice opportunity for me to check out the set. Mainly I was there to chat with the director (Deng Ke). While we were chatting he played a bit of the drama for me and I thought it was really good. So friends, if you don’t have any dramas to watch, you can check out YFX. 

C: So were you there to see ZLY, or the director? LYN: Originally- I was originally there... to see ZLY. Because we’d long made plans for me to go see her, since we’re all in Hengdian. It’s not actually a whole big ordeal to go visit other sets like you might be thinking. There’s not a lot of preparation involved. We’re really just wandering around. If you have some time, you just go visit. We’re “visiting the set” in name, but honestly we’re just there to be an onlooker. There’s not much of an etiquette to it, like buying milk tea or some beverages for the crew. Honestly, it’s not as if they’re not hurting for a drink. You’re really just wandering around. “Visitng the set” is making it sound bigger than it is. We’re just sticking our heads through the door and taking a look around, really. C: So you went to see the director? LYN: No, I’d met the director already. I don’t remember if I told you this already or not? When YFX was shooting ZLY had recommended me for a role in it. Since she did that, I had met with Director Deng Ke in Beijing long before. They were having a meal and she asked me if I was available to stop by. So I’d met the director before. So visiting the set of YFX this time also counts as seeing friends. We also talked a little about the next project that was lined up (ZY).

LYN: Later, when I was shooting the drama with him- because we have a few directors, right?- and one of them is Director Wang, who is female. When there was a more emotional scene that I needed to shoot, she took the one of the kiss scenes in YFX to show me. Like, “Look how good this is.” It was teaching material, and she wanted me to learn from it. So I watched it and thought it was quite nice, and yes, I should learn something from it. 

C: Lao-da, don’t watch! You’ll learn bad things. LYN: You must be crazy. For example, if we’re watching a drama and there’s a kiss scene in it, you’d tell me not to watch it because it would make me learn bad things? That’s like something your mother told you when you were little and now you’re telling it to me. When you were little, did you sit between your mom and dad on the sofa watching a movie, and then when the leads started kissing your mother told you, “Don’t look. You’ll learn bad things.’? Kiss scenes on television are like this, friends. Those 18 years and older can watch. If you’re not an adult yet, you shouldn’t watch because you might actually learn bad things. Okay? If you’re over 18 you can start watching normally. 

C: Lao-da, are you entering a new crew? LYN: Yeah, I have to shoot more dramas. So I’ll be joining a new crew soon. Well, actually I count as already having joined it, since I’ve started training. 

C: Lao-da, can you see me? I’m going to test for my MD! LYN: You’re going to be a doctor? Jiayou. That’s amazing. Do well. 

C: Did you buy the cup at Disney? LYN: I didn’t buy it. I was just looking, and didn’t buy anything. I bought Daimi a small hat for pets, though. Other than that, I didn’t buy anything. I go to Disney once every year, to walk and look around. It’s alright. Because I don’t go on many of the rides at all. The main reason I go is to take some photos and relax. 

---------- break #1 (the neighbors are fighting)

LYN: It was a misunderstanding. They weren’t fighting, but watching YFX. The sound of the tv was turned on a little too high. It just so happened that they were sparring in YFX. So, I... misunderstood. It was all just a misunderstanding. 

C: Have you even watched it?? LYN: Uh… Um… I have. 

C: Lao-da, sing a song! LYN: /clicks his tongue/ You really want to hear my music so much? There are a lot of people who like to watch my dramas and my streams, but other than them there are still a group of music fans. This group of music fans are now looking forward to whether I will sing a little something for them. LYN: Let’s do it! What should I sing? How about… 这世界有那么多人 (Empty World)? I really like this song because it has a sort of… light, like I’m talking to you feeling. Like I’m trying to tell you something. But exactly what, is not important. LYN: /setting up/ /sigh/ Oop. My stomach gurgled. LYN: As soon as the first notes sound, it really feels like a story. Let’s listen. LYN: /singing goofily/ Oh, my stomach gurgled again. I should drink more water. We’ll be starting to shoot soon, so I’m not eating much while time allows. That’s better than getting taken a picture of by paparazzi and then having a bunch of ugly pictures floating around. I already don’t look great, I don’t need to add looking chubby on top of that. LYN: Let me find a special effect… This dazed one. LYN: /testing the mic/ IS ANYONE THERE? SOMEONE COME QUICK, SAVE ME! IS ANYONE THERE?? -- 这世界有那么多人 (Empty World)

C: Lao-da, you were a born singer. LYN: :) Thank you. C: So skillful! LYN: You don’t need to make a forced compliment. LYN: That’s really not necessary.

C: Why don’t you make your own songs? LYN: There are certain people for certain things, and I am not that type of creative. If you ask me whether I’ve written songs before, I definitely have. But they were really crude. I didn’t even like listening or singing them myself. They weren’t meaningful. So now I- I don’t try to write for myself anymore. I don’t feel like there’s a need to. 

C: Tang Ren (唐人) is getting popular now. LYN: That’s because the song is good. It has nothing to do with me. I’ve covered it once during my stream, and maybe lately someone’s heard it again? But the original singer and song itself is already very good. I only just used my own way to express the song. Of course I’m not better than the original. 

LYN: I had a plan, which was to make another album right after I release my next one. It seems like another pie in the sky, but that’s what I was thinking at least. After I finish making my second album I want to make a cover album. Find some songs that I like and cover them. When the time comes I’ll think about some nice songs or songs that I like or have covered before and properly rearrange and record them. To make an album of cover songs. 

LYN: I used to be against covers, because in the early days when I had just debuted people only knew me as “internet famous.” People still do now, of course, but that’s not important. The problem was that people would say, “As a singer, how could you not have any of your own songs? You merely relied on covering other people’s songs to get famous.” But it was true. I had been discovered because of my cover of 讲真的 (Tell the Truth). I relied a lot on covering songs, and didn’t have any of my own. At that time I made a plan and started to avoid covers, started learning to try to make my own songs, including having OSTs and my own album. People nowadays probably won’t say that covers are the only thing I can do. After five years of experience I’ve lost the “can only do covers” label and now, rather, I CAN do covers again.

----- magic & scriptwriting

C: Can you wish me success on my exams in your heart? LYN: You want me to pray for you, in my heart? I have to do it in my heart?? If I say it out loud, will it not come true? bgm: 求佛 (Pray to Buddha) LYN: Okay. It’s guaranteed.

C: Ning-ge, oh no! They’re going to say you’re doing magic on stream again. LYN: I know this joke! People say that I’m doing magic in my streams. /grabs the kazoobie/ This is my magic tool. I’m not trying to promote mysticism, but this is my magical instrument. People say that I’m doing magic in my streams. You think I’m just streaming but really I’m doing magic. I’m praying to Buddha. This is a magical instrument. /taps on the kazoobie/ LYN: Let me grab the- /tries to make a singing bowl out of the kazoobie and a mic but it doesn’t work/ Oops. I can’t make the sound, sorry. LYN: Outrageous. But since you have this strong of an imagination I think you could go become a scriptwriter. I’m not kidding. This industry is lacking in good scriptwriters. Your extraordinary thought just then proves that you have enough brain power for the job. I advise you- it doesn’t matter if you like me or not- to focus your efforts on being a scriptwriter. You can write a small story or something. You probably can’t do something big to start, but something small first. Write it in parts. For example, you already have the male lead outlined. He’s a big boy who’s 1.89m tall. He likes to stream and interact with his friends. But actually, he’s a magician. It may look like he’s streaming, but in reality he’s doing magic. Through the eyes of the audience and with the help of his instruments, he can absorb power. But since he’s the male lead, of course he can’t be a villain. Maybe he gained something at the start, but he came to the realization that doing things in this way was working against nature. So he smashed his instrument and started cultivating the correct path. You can call this story “The Streamer’s Path to Immortal Cultivation.” LYN: One day he’s streaming and someone comes to bang on his door. He thinks that maybe he was too loud and it has disturbed his neighbors, but it turns out to be a girl who has come to borrow his bathroom. From the moment the door opens, we cue the close up on the girl, then the guy, and they look into each other’s eyes for three seconds and the fireworks start. In that moment, they fell in love. While practicing his magic he can easily turn demonic, but it turns out he fell in love with this girl and so begins their love story. LYN: You can focus your efforts on being a scriptwriter. Actually, they can make a lot of money. When you eventually turn into a big name, you can make a lot of money. Try writing something. Don’t waste your efforts on making small comments. It’s no use. God gave you the ability to create stories and spew nonsense- /laughs/- and so that’s the talent you were given. Everyone is born with a talent, and this is yours. Your ability to create stories and your strong imagination is your talent. Make use of it and turn it into your path to success. Good luck. C: In the end the girl comes in to use the restroom and he discovered that her shit stinks. LYN: … /sigh/. C: So that means that the girl came to the guy’s house and borrowed his restroom, then he discovered that it couldn’t be used for three days after she had left. LYN: Three days… Friends, you’re playing a little dirty. Did she shit on the ceiling or the walls?? How is that possible?? It’s not possible. She probably didn’t need to use the restroom to resolve whatever situation is going on with her stomach, but to reapply her makeup! How could you- After she’s done touching up she opens her purse and sprays some perfume. Then after the girl leaves the male lead walks into his restroom and discovers that it used to stink but now smells nice. LYN: You’re just… outrageous.

C: Ning-ge, I brought perfume. Let me in. LYN: If there really came a girl who wanted to borrow my restroom I would tell her two words: no entry. I’ll tell her my toilet’s backed up. Try someone else.

bgm: 晒Share - Da Zhangwei

C: I’m here to fix the restroom. Let me in. LYN: I won’t let you use it because it’s backed up, but it’s okay because you’ve come to fix it? Alright, then.

----- drama blood

LYN: Someone came to ask the same question I answered before, which is “What flavor is the blood packet when you’re shooting dramas?” LYN: What flavor…? Just sugar syrup. Sometimes it’s honey. It’s not a definite thing. In general, it’s sweet. LYN: How about this- next time I go shoot my drama I’ll go taste some for you. I’ll secretly take some blood syrup away with me and then raffle it off during one of my streams. I’ll consult with the makeup-laoshi, in a scene where I have to spit blood and ask them to pour me a small cup. I’ll keep it then raffle it off in my stream to let you try it out. Take a sip. Is that good?

C: After you mail it, it would have changed in taste. LYN: No, it won’t. Because this blood is prepared in advance, too. Maybe a month in advance. They don’t make it as you need it, and it’s not like going to a restaurant and asking them to fry you up some blood syrup. They don’t mix it up right there for you, just so you can spit it back out. It’s not like that. It’s made way in advance. It wouldn’t even matter if it were expired. Not that it would be. 

C: Have you drunk any before? LYN: Yes, but not on purpose. When you’re shooting dramas it doesn’t matter if you’re a master martial artist or not a master at all, you’re going to spit blood eventually. Usually- this is a common trope- the male lead spits blood so that the audience can feel sorry for him. Right? The male lead is all about the “pretty”, “strong”, but “miserable.” “Pretty” because the lead’s got to look good. “Strong” because their skills are very high. The best thing is if they’re not only good-looking and strong, but they can’t not have faults. That would be boring. So they must be “miserable” and how that’s achieved is usually by poison. You can go think about all the “pretty”, “strong”, and “miserable” male leads. They’re good-looking, have incomparable fighting prowess, but they always have a weakness or an incurable disease. They either won’t live for much longer, are incurable, or they’re poisoned but all in all they have to die eventually. During this process, they also need to be tortured by someone: hit until they spit blood, or are captured and strung up while being whipped. Those types of characters will make the audience feel for them. In these scenarios it is inevitable that you’d need to spit blood. LYN: One time I had to and I took some of the blood into my mouth and was holding it there. The director goes, “3, 2, 1!” and then /spits/. You spit it. But then there was still some more in my mouth and I’ve have to spit it out. Usually in these scenes after you spit the blood someone comes to hold you up, and they ask, “Are you alright?” That’s the normal reaction. Normally at this time I would say, “I’m ok. You leave first!” It usually follows this logic, right? But that day after I spit I realized I still had half a mouthful and I couldn’t spit AGAIN. Not like when you’re brushing your teeth and you gargle and spit twice. Spitting twice is the habit. But with blood, spitting twice would be: /blood spray/ - /ptooey/. It will make the audience jump out of the story. /demonstrates/ But that day after the first spit I realized I had more in my mouth! So the other person came to ask me if I was okay, and I: /swallows the blood/ “I’m ok.” I had to swallow it. It was so cloying.

C: Is it safe to swallow? LYN: It’s fine. Just some food dye. It’s edible. But there are two types of blood syrup, too. The type you swallow is usually prepared by the makeup-laoshi. They’ll prepare something better. But you can’t drink the blood from the props department. That’s usually detergent and coloring. Like the dish washing liquid you’d use to wash your plates. The props blood is used to pour on the floor. In a guzhuang drama when someones been killed- /mimes cutting his neck/- they’ll be on the floor and there’s a pool of blood under them. That blood is usually detergent because it has the consistency. C: No bubbles? LYN: As long as you don’t mix it with water, there aren’t bubbles. Without water, it’s fine. With water there’s a chemical reaction. You can’t drink that one, of course. You’d be poisoned if you did. C: If you drink it would you spit bubbles.

LYN: It’d be best not to. You can’t drink that one. It’s for the floor. C: What about rain scenes? LYN: You mean if the floor is covered in blood and it starts raining? /thinking/ Hey, I didn’t really think of that before! I’ll ask next time. It’s possible that the method I’ve told you about is only one of many. Next time I’ll ask the props-laoshi, “For the blood syrup, other than using detergent, what else can you make it with?” I’ll report back to you in the next stream. LYN: /laughs/ The bad guy dies and they’re lying in a pool of blood when suddenly rain starts to pour and now there are bubbles. It’s like taking a bubble bath. 

-----

C: Are you still going to Disney in June? LYN: Are you asking me that because you’re going to be there? You want to “accidentally” meet me in June, is that it? But not, I won’t be going. By June I’ll be shooting my drama. I’ll be in the new crew already.

C: Can you chat about Zi Chuan? LYN: I can! Why can’t we? We can talk about it.

LYN: I shot Zi Chuan a long time ago and… at that time- even though my acting is still pretty bad now- at that time it was a little more lacking. But I think that I’ve learned something with every drama that I’ve acted in. Zi Chuan let me act as… someone who is cruel. It made me think about how to maintain that cruelty, and what I needed to reinforce that character. I feel like every one of my roles was made to prepare me for the ones that come after. Each one of my characters has the shadow or feeling of a previous role I’ve played. The role of Di Lin helped and made me think more about how to play a character who is more dignified. It helped me to know the state of a character in an authoritative role. Even though there are differences between characters, I know which part I should keep a grasp of. LYN: When I look back I Di Lin I know that there are many parts where I was lacking. But it’s okay. Of course, I have to thank every role that I’ve had because all have allowed me to mature. If you look back from my very first drama until now you will see that there was growth with every passing drama. I’m thankful for all my roles. 

C: Does Di Lin stay alive in part 2? LYN: There’s an original novel for ZC. In the story, he probably (definitely)… dies. But we’ve only shot 48 episodes and it’s only the first half. Di Lin doesn’t really have many scenes. The producers were very good, and gave me the second male lead role. It’s 2ML in name, but the scene count is very low, comparatively. In 48 episodes I only have around 200 scenes. My main scenes would be in the second half, but we didn’t film that. The main bulk of this character’s story and his highlights are in the second half of the story, which we didn’t shoot. In the latter 24 episodes- since the first 24 are already out- I don’t die. I can tell you that. But we haven’t even been called for voiceover yet, so it might air next year. 

C: Ning-ge, “flip” me and I’ll go transcribe: Ning Yuanzhou [....].. LYN: You don’t need to transcribe anything. If you want to practice your writing, you can just do it. You don’t have to use me as an excuse. Practicing your writing is a good thing!

LYN: Hold on, I drank too much water and I need to use the restroom. Wait for me a sec.

---------- break #2

bgm: 내 마음 들리나요 (Can You Hear My Heart) - Epik High ft. Lee Hi, Moon Lovers OST bgm: 向死而生 (Live to Die) - Burning Flames OST

LYN: This song is from the drama Burning Flames, which is Wu Geng Ji (Journey of Wu Geng), but after the name change. This song is one of the ones this year- including the ones I’ve recorded but haven’t been released yet- that is in the Top 5. Not ranked #5, but in my Top 5. Of course, the previous two I mentioned (for YJXY & YFX) are also in the Top 5. LYN: /to himself/ Why did I have to rank them…? LYN: The other two songs are also definitely in the Top 5, plus this one. These three songs, together. No- that doesn’t work because there was something before these… IN ANY CASE! This insert song from BF is called “Live to Die” and I really like it. There’s no problem with me saying that, right?

C: I want to hear the Top 2. LYN: This one is part of the Top 2. LYN: When I was recording it, I felt like it would send me (to death). I was so tired. But later when the track was released I really enjoyed it. The difficult thing about this song was: /sings the line/. That one lungful was hard. I can try to sing it, but I haven’t eaten much today and I don’t know if I have the strength to pull it off. Let me try. C: I want to hear the Top 1 song. LYN: Shut up! Why are you everywhere.

- /warming up/ LYN: Let me adjust the settings. /turns on the ~radio~ filter/ ~To my listeners in front of the radio today, good evening.~ Let’s use this effect and see if it can add any ~flavor~. C: Hurry and sing! I’m looking forward to it! LYN: Now you’re giving me pressure. I didn’t have any before, but now that I know you’re looking forward to it I do. -- 向死而生 (Live to Die) - /cracks at the difficult line/

LYN: Was there a problem with the mic, just now? Let me test it again. I think there was a problem with it just then. It’s okay. Let me start again. -- /continues/ & /finishes the verse/

LYN: I kind of... don’t have enough strength for this. I don’t have enough stamina (底气, di qi). How about I sing this for you next time? I feel like I can’t get enough air and I’m gonna pass out. In this case, let’s respect the original singer and listen to them sing it. I can’t surpass the original, today. - /downs some soda/ LYN: I don’t have enough qi (气), so I’m giving myself more (in the form of CO2 bubbles).

C: It’s okay, just don’t air the part where you cracked. LYN: My streams always have playback. So, the part where the mic broke a little bit- even though it has nothing to do with me! It was a problem with the mic- I’m sure that part will become hate material against me. 

-----

C: Ning-ge, are there any tricks to losing weight? LYN: Are there any tricks? I’m not an expert at losing weight, but the way I do it is rationing. Your life, your work, your exercise will all exhaust your body’s energy. It’s like spending money. No- I shouldn’t say that. Let’s say your body has 1000 power. If you exhaust 1200 power every day, then you will naturally become thinner. Let’s say for example that you don’t move- you don’t exercise and you don’t go anywhere. You’re just sitting or lying there. Then you should eat less. If your intake is low, then you won’t get fat. But if you exercise daily, you can consume your normal amount of food. You’ll just need to exercise enough that you don’t consume more than you burn and you’ll start to lose weight. Another thing to do is eat less sugar, and that will help to reduce weight. That’s what I do. LYN: For example if I’ve expended a lot of energy today- if I went to practice wushu, then I can eat like normal. But normally I don’t really like to move, so I will eat less. C: What happens if you get low blood sugar? LYN: It shouldn’t happen. If you’re exercising you could eat normally. Even if you’re not excessively exercising you shouldn’t normally experience low blood sugar. Maybe if you expend too much, you would have low blood sugar? I don’t know. Just: if I’m not moving, I eat less; if I move, then I’ll eat normally.

LYN: My hair- I wanted to go for the wet-hair look but I realize that once it’s dried it looks bad. - /messing up his hair/ LYN: Okay, that’s good enough.

C: What about if you can’t control your mouth? LYN: I don’t know, because I can’t do it either. I always get hungry in the middle of the night and I don’t know why. It’s always the middle of the night. I get hungry and I can’t take it so I always have to eat a little something. 

C: How do I become more pale? LYN: Wear proper sunscreen. And… use skin brightening products. That’s the only two things. Use some skin brightening products before you sleep and… supplement your vitamin c or something. 

C: Ning-ge, how do I grow shorter? LYN: …??? How do you grow shorter??? Everyone wants to grow tall, why do you want to grow short? That’s bold of you. LYN: To make yourself shorter… I don’t know your age, but… if you want to grow shorter during puberty you should do strength training. Work out and do some heavy-lifting so that your muscles become stronger and wrap around/protect your bones more. It’ll help you to grow slower. Secondly, after you increase your bone density you might also grow more slowly. Look at martial artists and weightlifters- they have high bone density and it’s slowed/impeded their growth in height. At least that’s what I think. C: Then why didn’t you train? LYN: I wanted to grow tall. LYN: A lot of my old fans know this but my mom’s younger brother(s)- so my uncle(s)- I had two uncles, who were pretty short. When I was little my grandma would tell me, “Don’t grow to be like your uncles.” Of course, I am not saying this to diss my uncles at all. But my grandma would always tell me not to grow to their height. Then before we knew it, I was this tall. I would tell my grandma, “Don’t worry. I’ll grow super tall. I’ll be 2.3m tall and I’ll live (?) in the zoo. I’ll be locked in a cage and when people come to see me like watching a monkey, I can even collect viewing fees from them.” When I was really little I liked to tell my grandma that. LYN: Who would have thought that the 2.3m tall part didn’t come true, but the “watch me and collect fees” part seems to have at least partial success. For example, I collect fees for you to watch me in concert. 

C: Ning-ge, will you still have a concert this year then? LYN: I’m not sure. There could be, and there could not. I’ll tell you now- if I’m not able to hold it this year then it will be at the beginning of next year. I was in discussions about this the other day, too. But it’s not determined.

C: Ning-ge, how do I get bigger eyes? LYN: … LYN: Don’t provoke me. You’re asking ME how to get bigger eyes?? It’s like going to get treatment for baldness and the doctor has less hair than you. How do you get bigger eyes?? Go get double-eyelid surgery! Your eyes will become a little bigger. Technology hsa improved so much, I’m sure it can help you. The second thing is when you’re taking photos, turn on the beauty filters. Turn the “big eyes” feature on a little higher. 

C: Is this LYN’s stream? LYN: It is I. You’re not in the wrong place. Liu Yuning is streaming right now, and Liu Yuning is me. I am streaming. Do you feel like I don’t look like him? 

C: I don’t believe I actually made it to a live one. LYN: What’s not to believe?? I’m not some big celebrity. It’s not difficult for us to meet. That’s a nonexistent problem. We can meet any time. It could be hard to meet with other artists, but if you want to see me you an just come to my weibo and leave a message saying, “LYN, I want to see you.” I’ll come and stream. I’m that easy. C: Give us a welcome. LYN: I’d like to welcome all my good friends to my stream tonight. If this is your first time watching and you have not already, please subscribe to my weibo. Thank you! C: Liar. I’ve waited for you for 45 days. LYN: I was working! When I was shooting dramas before, I could stream on days where I had less scenes to shoot. But now I’m accepting roles with more scenes so there are times where after a day of shooting I’m not in the right state to stream. I have to remember the script and rest up for the next day. I have to make sure I can continue to film. So… please understand. C: You don’t stream even on wrap day. LYN: On wrap day I still had work to do. Because during filming there weren’t many days I could take off, so on wrap day I took care of a bunch of miscellaneous tasks left over. Also, I’m not a robot who can work all the time, I need to rest too. Continuous filming gives me too much pressure. I’m stressed when shooting the drama, and there are all these outside pressures… can’t you let me rest a little? I’m not a robot, even though I don’t rest much regularly anyway.

C: Can you talk about The Truth? LYN: I can, but what do you want me to say? It’s fun and a good time. I got to know some new friends, too. Well- I guess they’re not considered “new”. We’ve all met before… except Zhang Linghe. This will count as our first meeting, I guess. First ~official~ meeting. I’d bumped into him before, but we never greeted each other. We got to know each other this time. Xun-ge, we had done a variety show together before. Wang Xun. Bai Yu, we shot the previous season together so we’re quite close. That counts for Zhou Keyu, too. And Reba… this is our third partnership now. CGX, ALZ, and now this variety show. C: Is ZLH handsome? LYN: He is, very handsome. Very good-looking. When I see these young kids I get jealous. Not only are they good-looking and tall, but the key factor is that they’re also still young. If he can reach this level at his age, then his future is unlimited. Right? That goes for Keyu, too. Anyway, he’s handsome. They all are.

bgm: Truthfully - A1 TRIP/Dobi

C: Is LYN handsome? LYN: Me? Of course, I am just average. Just average. LYN: I know that there are a lot of you fans out there, and in your eyes I’m the best. It’s like looking at your own child. Some parents know that they have really ugly children but still consider them as their treasure nevertheless. You see me in the same way. When you’re looking at me it’s like looking at your kid. You think anything I do is good.

LYN: I learned of a term the other day, “ru zhui”? A “ru zhui” fan. The “ru” in “insult/humiliate” (wu ru, 侮辱) and the “zhui” for “chase” (追). 辱追fan. I was confused- what does that mean??? So I went to take a lesson, since I’m curious about these new terms. I didn’t understand, but I think I know approximately what it means. That is: using an insulting way to pursue their idol. I think that’s what it means? I’m not sure if I’m interpreting that correctly. But what it means is to describe, for example, how a person is your fan but they just scold you all the time. EX: “LYN, how shameless can you be? Look at how fat you are! And you think you can be an artist?? Shameless! As a fan I find you disgracing. Look at your business capability. Look at your lines. What are other people doing, and what are you?? You’re not even streaming like you COULD be.” LYN: People like that. “I’ve followed you for five years, and you show no signs of improvement?!?” Fans who employ this method of “Humiliating Pursuit”. Are they really fans? Yes. But I don’t have a lot of those types, here. You can’t say I don’t have any, I still do. Just the one or two. But I hope that you aren’t this way. There’s no need. If you really think that I’m not good enough, then please forget me. If I were to self-describe me, I would say that I am very easily hated on. There are always people who- I’m not trying to say I’m so amazing, I’m not, but there are a lot of people who want to magnify my unexceptionalities and use them to undermine me or get a quick laugh out of it. It doesn’t matter. The problem is that there are already a group of people who truly hate me, so I don’t need my own fans doing it too. LYN: We practice a supportive way of chasing stars, here. You can say, “LYN, you’re the best!” Okay? Thank you, everyone. Otherwise one day I’ll be looked down upon and try to retreat into my fandom space to regain some positive energy, but instead discover that I have fans yelling at me in this space, too. I would have a total mental breakdown. C: That’s called a “gu zhui” fan. (gu as in “to encourage’ 鼓励) LYN: An “Encouraging Pursuit”-type fan? Ah. Okay, then.

LYN: I’m doing well for now because relatively speaking- even though I haven’t streamed much lately- I often stream and chat with you. I can see all the comments you type into the chat and this way I can respond to your encouragements and requests in a timely fashion. It’s instant feedback, which is good. We communicate. If there’s ever something I wish you wouldn’t do, I can tell you directly. If there’s something you want me to work harder on, you can also type it into the chat and tell me. 

C: Ning-ge, don’t lose weight. You’re already very skinny. LYN: Don’t PUA* me. I’m someone who clearly knows what he should and should not be doing. I should lose some. Because you can relax now, but when the drama airs and you’re being dogpiled- excuse me, I should mind my words. When you’re being “told the truth”, you’re going to regret it. So I’d like to be a little thinner, to look a little more lively, which is better than looking fat. The part I lose out on is that my eyes are on the small side. Since they’re so small, my face looks bigger and it LOOKS like I’m fat but in reality I’m not really, since I have the height. The problem is they can’t always take full-body shots. When you’re shooting the overall height, it looks fine. You don’t look like you have a big face or are fat. But as soon as they’re taking half-body or close-up shots- because you only have one face, and people can’t see your whole proportions. I know I don’t look elegant or refined. So… at least I try. I need to be thinner so I look more polished. *mentally control someone and make them lose self-confidence

C: Di Lin was pretty chubby. LYN: When I was playing Di Lin... honestly another part of it is that I learned that acting really requires experience. All sorts of experience. Because I didn’t attend a professional school for acting- I didn’t learn how to sing, either- but for a lot of things there’s a right way to do it: learn by experience. When you do one thing ten thousand times, it’s going to have results. After shooting so many dramas now, I’ve definitely made some… improvements. I feel like I’ve understood something about acting as I was doing it. There’s no good way to give it form or describe it, so I can’t tell you that much about it. I don’t even want to trying sharing what I think about it because people would think I’m being fake. So I won’t share with you what I’ve understood. LYN: At the time I was acting as Di Lin, I truly didn’t understand how to act. But during the filming process, you start to understand. First off- wardrobe, makeup, and props- you start to get a better of understanding of what is “good” and what is not “good.” Or, what was there to fool you and what shows sincerity. The wigs, too, that you have on for guzhuang dramas. You learn what style suits you, and in what way it’s combed that suits your face. How high or low to apply the wig, whether to have sideburns or not and are they short or long?, how long or short is the length of the hair in the back?, where exactly should it be tied- up higher? or more back? All of these are things you’ll learn while you film and gain more experience. You’ll start to know what looks good on you, or what feels/looks more comfortable. 

-----

C: Director Ke is here. LYN: We all call him Director Deng. Or Director Deng Ke. You call him Director Ke?? Do you use it to describe the fact that you can “ke” (get addicted to) the dramas he’s shot? LYN: Welcome, Director! LYN: /laughs/ Some of you really know how to pander to someone. At least we know how decency. Usually when a director comes you would: 1. welcome them and 2. acknowledge their works. I’m seeing people spam: “YXF is awesome!!” Let’s maintain this tradition. Whenever a director comes to my stream you all should start looking up which dramas they’ve made, then start complimenting them on which of them you’ve watched. LYN: This is pure “ways of the people and the world.” Usually when I’m working with someone or I’ve met someone who I don’t really know, I’ll go online and do some homework beforehand. For example, if I’m meeting with an actor tomorrow, I’ll look up which dramas they’ve been in. If I’m shooting a variety show with them I’ll look at what they’ve been in and what the general consensus was. I can say, “I’ve been watching your drama lately! Your acting is great!” or “I saw the one you were in three years ago, too. I know the reviews weren’t the best but I thought you acted well. You were so handsome!” But in actuality I really… haven’t watched their dramas at all. If you want to be friends with someone you have to do some homework. 

bgm: 夜泊秦淮 (Ye Po Qin Huai) - Ice Paper

LYN: Director Deng hasn’t typed anything, has he?? My comments are moving a little too quickly today so I can’t see very clearly. Director Deng, if you have something to tell me, message me on WeChat. If you don’t have anything to say and you’re just passing through then nevermind! 

LYN: I’ve already finished promoting YFX, even though I know it doesn’t need my help. I just said in passing, if you had time, that you could go watch YFX. Of course, I- Oh, he left? Ok, then. He was probably just passing through and saw that I was streaming, so he came to take a look. We were in brief contact when I went to Beijing too. C: YFX is a really good watch! LYN: He’s already left. You’re too late. You have to remember this for next time, you’ve got to spam it immediately after you realize they’re in the stream. If its a director or a producer, you’d want to leave a good impression of LYN’s fans on them. That way if they have work they might think of me. It’s difficult to survive in any industry- whether that’s in a company, in entertainment, or in any environment- so you really have to learn these things.

LYN: I know a lot of people comment about me, saying that I know a lot about ways of the people and the world, but I honestly don’t know much, and I actually kind of hate it. When I was younger I really hated this type of thing. I didn’t think it would ever be worth it to learn or that I would ever need it. Or if I go somewhere and meet someone who is better than me, I would never try to talk to them. If they don’t talk to me, I would never acknowledge their existence. I didn’t ever think there was a need. So they’re amazing. What did that have to do with me? I used to think that way, and assumed that would make me have a personality. “I”m just this type of person. If you’re willing to communicate with me, you can. If you don’t want to, then we will never become friends.” That’s the type of identity I was pursuing at first.  - [t/n: I, too, hate schmoozing and networking.]

LYN: But as your life continues you’ll discover that if you DO know these skills, your life will be a little smoother. I don’t know if you’ll know, but when you were in school did you have that one student who- I’m not sure if this is the right way to describe them- are really… “tian bai”? They brown-nose the teacher. It’s like… ingratiating or self-deprecating oneself. For example, “Teacher, the clothes you’re wearing today are so pretty!” “We love taking your classes!” Kind of like excessive flattery. The people who know how to do this all tend to do well among peers. Many of you might be in school now so you don’t know, but at work it’s the same. I don’t want you to make yourself lesser than, but it would let you develop better. Who doesn’t like to hear nice things, right? For example, you meet up with a friend and you tell them, “You’ve gotten prettier!” or “You’ve gotten thinner!” If they’re someone who is conflicted about their own body, by telling them “You look thinner” or “You look to be in good spirits”- something like that won’t really affect your character or anything- you can give them warmth and receive warmth in return. I just feel like you can/should learn to do these things, in order to allow your path or survival to go a little smoother. Everyone likes to hear praise; we’re all the same. LYN: We’re not doing it hypocritically/facetiously. I just think it’s worth trying, to change yourself and to give others compassion, or make them laugh, or give them support. By doing these things you can become a positive person in return. 

LYN: Sometimes people will ask me, “Ning-ge, I have social anxiety. What should I do? I hate interacting with other people.” I’m not trying to compare, but I have social anxiety, too! I really disklike having to interact with people. But this is something that you need to force yourself to do. That way you’ll gain opportunities, or a better future, or whatever is it that you want. If the desire for what you want is greater than your fear of interaction, then you’ll do it. If you don’t think it’s worth it, then you can stay socially anxious. That’s fine, too. LYN: You’re born with many things, but you can also learn them with practice and effort. My diction used to be really terrible. Due to how I grew up, I didn’t like communicating with people and I was closed off. I wasn’t confident, and was cowardly. I never fought anyone for anything. My home conditions weren’t the greatest, either. As a result I was timid- no matter what I did. Now you might think that I’m really boisterous but it’s all because I trained myself to be this way. I forced myself. C: Try it first. LYN: Absolutely right. First try to communicate with people. When you receive a good reaction in response, you’re going to gain more confidence. The reason why I don’t need to force it when I’m streaming is because there’s no one in front of me. I know you’re all brandishing your phones and writing to me, you’re watching me, but none of you are IN FRONT of me. I’ll pretend- I’ll pretend that you are. I’m not imagining you as a field of cabbage, either. I imagine you as people. But these people are 1. All here for me and 2. My friends. When you’re in front of friends you won’t feel out of place. Maybe there are a lot of passersby or antis watching, waiting for me to slip up so that they can take it out of context and ridicule me. Those people exist, too. But the reason I’m so relaxed right now is because I pretend. Even if you are an anti, I pretend that you are someone who likes me. Or even if you don’t like me, at the least you don’t hate me. So that’s why I’m relaxed when streaming.

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C: My mom says you talk a lot. LYN: With a stream, I have to force myself to keep talking. Not CONSTANTLY, but the worst thing for a livestream is if it goes cold. It’s alright if there are pauses but as long as the mood doesn’t fall flat, it’s okay. If there is a lull in conversation, you should use the next topic to smooth it over. That’s how you make a stream feel compact. It’s a little like acting. You have to understand the rhythm. A stream has rhythm, and your speech has rhythm. If I haven’t thought through what I’m about to say, I’ll save it. But then I have to figure out how to bring up the topic without disrupting the flow. It’s not because I talk a lot- I talk very little, actually. But I’m always talking in the stream because I don’t want it to fall flat. I need to grab your attention so that you stay focused on the stream. 

C: How about sing a gentle song? LYN: I saw someone earlier say, “Are you going to sing or not? You’ve talked enough.” Um... if you don’t like to watch, then get out. I’m talking to you. /points at the camera/ If you don’t like what you see then get out. (joking!)

LYN: I’ll sing something. :) LYN: What should I sing? Something gentle? I don’t have much energy, since I didn’t eat much today. Let’s find something gentle… C: Tang Ren (唐人). LYN: I can’t sing it because…befrore, my band- Da Fei and A-Zhuo- were here and could play the arrangement for me. - /finds an instrumental track/ LYN: I don’t know if I can do it, but I’ll give it a try. // I’ve forgotten how to sing it, but you can listen for fun! -- Tang Ren (唐人) C: It lagged. For real, this time. LYN: What are you talking about?? This time was “for real”, so you mean that the last time was fake? What do you mean??? I guess it lagged a little? It’s alright. It’s normal, for something like the internet. It can be a little unstable. C: It really lagged. LYN: But it’s fine, now!! Stop spamming. It’s fine.

C: You came to stream again. LYN: Yeah. I was already planning to, but in addition to that my fans are all over the platforms shouting for me. So I had to stream. If I hadn’t the pot would have exploded. My fans would become “humiliating pursuit” fans. C: We wouldn’t! // No way. LYN: I know. I was joking with you. 

C: When will the Disney VLOG be released? LYN: It needs to be edited! No rush.

bgm: 奉上 (Offer) - A Journey to Love OST LYN: Someone told me to play “Offer” so I am. 

C: Do you know how hard these past 45 days were? LYN: That’s okay, isn’t it? I’ve-  C: We were going to ignore you for five minutes. LYN: I saw that. There was a screenshot that said, “The next time Ning-ge streams, let’s ignore him. We won’t talk to him for five minutes and make him believe that the stream has lagged. Make him believe it’s lagged so he spends the time trying to fix his equipment, only to find out that we were fooling him.” Someone thought of this method to get revenge on me! LYN: You know, if you did that I would have thought that my internet was broken and I’d have stopped streaming. I know that’s not a threat to you. It was a good sentiment but if you really think about it, I don’t think you would have been able to control the situation given that there are so many people here.

C: I thought I’d have to go 100 days without seeing you. LYN: No way. I know I’ve gone quite a while without streaming this time but it’s because I had a lot to do. I had to make sure I was in the right condition, because the next drama is giving me a lot of pressure. I need to prepare myself for going into the new crew. I can’t just jump from one to the next because I’d feel worn out. So I had to quickly adjust my condition, as I’m guessing I’ll have a tough time in the next one. Not that I’m afraid of the hard work. I just think that the next one will be difficult to shoot. I want to be in top condition for it. 

-

C: It’s lagging. LYN: If you’re really lagging then leave the stream and come back in. That should fix it. But if you leave, you have to remember to come back! Don’t just leave and then go to sleep or go to bed then pass out.

-

C: Will it be more work than YNGS? LYN: …. Let me think about how to answer this. As an actor, what’s the big deal if you end up tired and crying a little? What do you have to complain about?? Shouldn’t you be tired, after receiving all the spotlight? What’s wrong with being a little tired? What right do you have to complain that you are? It’s “hard work”? Who doesn’t work hard! Think about all the delivery people who are out on the streets right now. Who doesn’t have hard work? It’s hard on them, too! Some of them are out there in the middle of the night! You’re already very fortunate. What right do you have to complain? LYN: It won’t be hard work, friends. The next drama won’t be hard at all. Also… /never finishes the thought/

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C: Ning-ge, did you deliver that from an anti’s point of view? LYN: No, no. LYN: Sometimes when people interview me they’ll ask, “How do you feel when you see people online being negative towards you?” I always get asked this type of question in interviews. “If you see that no one likes the character  you’ve played, how do you feel?” I see those questions often. It’s like this… um… let me first respond with the most standard answer. The best answer to give, as an artist. LYN1: I saw the comments, yes. When I see that they don’t acknowledge me, I think it’s right for them to do so. LYN: The first thing to do is to assure the viewers. LYN1: People are right to critique me, as I am not a professional actor. I will always consider the concerns that they are voicing and I’ll take note of their advice so that I know that’s the direction I need to work harder in. LYN: The second thing is to acknowledge them, and the third is to imagine a better future. LYN1: In the future no matter what role I am challenging, I am sure that I will take it even more seriously than the previous role and I know that there are many places I am lacking- LYN: The fourth is to self-deprecate. LYN1: - and I have huge room for improvement. But being able to work with so many amazing teachers this time around, I have definitely been able to learn a lot from them. LYN: That’s number five: thank the people you’ve worked with. LYN1: Working together with all these amazing actors, I’m sure that there is a lot I can learn from them, and I’ll do my best to learn. I’m not certain I can successfully learn even 1% of what they know, but I’ll work hard. I’ll portray every character I meet in the future to the best of my ability. I hope people can continue to supervise me and I hope that one day you will see my growth. Thank you, everyone. 

LYN: That’s the standard answer. USUALLY, it’s an answer that people can’t find a problem with. If you ask me if I know how to answer properly, I definitely do. I can even make it fancier. I can give you three more angles, to make it seem like I am humble, serious, and eager to learn. Someone who is self-disciplined and knows where they should work harder. 

LYN: But I knew that was the common answer, so it’s not how I used to reply. Whenever I met with an interviewer, I wanted to give them a different answer. I would definitely reply from an angle they’ve never thought of. When I was asked a question I would think a mile a minute and come up with something they didn’t expect. I couldn’t let them think I was your average artist, otherwise they wouldn’t remember me. I needed to make them remember who I was within three questions. Make them think, “Hey. This Liu Yuning is different from other artists.” That’s the direction I was going in. I wanted the unexpected.

C: Then, what’s your real (truthful) response? LYN: … C: Let’s have a non-standard answer. LYN: The non-standard answer… you can go look up how I used to answer these questions, and that’s the non-standard reply. 

C: I’m laughing to death. What are you doing all the time? LYN: :| I’m thinking. LYN: You need to learn. I really do learn from other talented artists, and how they speak. I’m not trying to imitate them, but this industry does have its standards/rules. C: Ning-ge, next time answer like this when someone asks you for a non-standard answer. You should say, “What business is it of yours??” LYN: /laughs/ It’s unwarranted. That would be okay if we were joking but you can’t expect me to seriously say “What’s business is it of yours??” For example, “LYN, how do you feel when you see people online making hateful comments about you?” Should I answer the reporter by saying, “What business is it of yours”?? Do you think I don’t want to survive in this industry anymore?? Of course, an answer like that could definitely make the reporter/program remember you. As the first such ill-mannered artist they’ve ever seen. LYN: Let’s say the reporter asks me, “LYN, please introduce your role so that we may remember you.” I could turn and walk away, saying “I’m not recording anymore.” I’m sure they would remember me, then. But that’s not something I can do. 

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C: /commenting about what he’s drinking/ LYN: I’m drinking the sugarless one. It’s fine.

C: Take of your hat. It doesn’t look good. LYN: What business is it of yours?? LYN: Look at that, I used it immediately. :) LYN: What business is it of yours? Be happy you have something to look at. I already told you multiple times that I haven’t washed my hair. 

C: I knew it. LYN: You knew I would respond that way?

bgm: 万物盛开法则 (The Law of Everything in Bloom) - Da Zhangwei bgm: 隆里电丝 (Lonely Dance) - DamnShine

C: You’re the best at talking back to fans. LYN: /sigh/ When I’m talking back at fans in my stream, you all know it’s as a joke. I’m more relaxed here, and you should all know that I don’t mean it in a malicious way.  

C: /asking him about the rollercoaster at Disney/ LYN: I wasn’t afraid at all. I know that when people are playing fast-paced games they need to close their eyes, but I tell myself that I can’t close them. I need to keep my eyes wide open so I can experience all of the turns and the speed. Then I realized that the wind made my eyes hurt and I teared up instead. So during the process I had to keep my eyes open, but they were tearing up because of the wind, so I had to wipe away the tears too. It’s rare for me to ride it once, so I had to make the most of it. I didn’t want to miss anything that was speeding by so I kept my eyes open. 

C: You really kept your eyes open? LYN: Forcefully. Riding while wiping my tears away.  C: Good thing your eyes are small.

LYN: /sigh/ /going through all seven stages of grief/ LYN: Good thing my eyes are small, so the area that gets hit with the wind is relatively little, is that it? If my eyes were normal sized… I would shed even more tears, right? Ah… okay. /thumbs up/ Ok. LYN: /still sad about it/ LYN: Wait for me a sec, I’ll use the restroom. LYN: /under his breath/ qswl

LYN: Someone asked me if I would sing Long Yin. I won’t sing it, but I’ll play it instead. You can watch the video while I use the restroom.

---------- break #3

LYN: I went to the restroom and cried. Someone said my eyes are small and I’m actually really sad about it. I couldn’t hold it. Honestly, I didn’t go to use the restroom, but I went to cry a little. I got that out and adjusted my mental state so I can come back with a smile. I just couldn’t hold it anymore. These words are so hurtful. C: Your eyes are even smaller after you’ve cried. LYN: I’ve been cyberbullied. You all are so mean.

C: Is the background real? LYN: It’s real. LYN: Also, I’ve been attending a lot of small events lately, right? And I’ve been running into these- I think they must be new fans. Honestly the new fans and I haven’t really had a proper talk yet. There are a lot of new fans who probably haven’t even seen many of my streams. We have a small… rule, here. That is, if I attend some variety show or event- I stay at a hotel. Many of you like to squat at the hotel to block me. It’s like you’re planning to ambush me. A sneak attack! I don’t know why. It’s okay- that’s your freedom. If the hotel management is not going to do anything about you, I have no right to say anything. But the thing is- your cellphones. Please try not to shove them in my mouth. Okay? I get the feeling that when you’re trying to take pictures of me you’re almost shoving the thing straight into my mouth, as if to give me a laryngoscopy. Please try not to do that. Also, for those of you walking sideways- you’re about to shove it in my ear. Like you’re going to clean my earwax. I feel like you’re trying to record whether I have earwax or not. The phones are right here. /picks up his phone to demonstrate/ When I get on the car I have to think back- “When I was washing my face, did I get my ears?” I don’t want you to have got on video that I have earwax, like “Why are LYN’s ears so dirty?!?” Another thing is- because I’m pretty tall, so the height difference between me and most of you is relatively large. So when you’re getting video of me it’s from this angle- /under the chin, bottom-up/ That’s a super dead angle. You just record me like that. I feel like you’re trying to see if I have boogers. LYN: So I just want to say- when you’re taking photo/video of me, please try to maintain some distance. Okay? Maintain some distance. And also, please try to control your emotions. Don’t put the camera so close to me. It’s a little TOO close. It’s too close for my self-confidence. There are already a lot of ugly photos of me online. There are so many; and you’re still trying to create more?? Control yourselves, please.

LYN: I know that in your hearts when you look at me it’s like a tortoise seeing a mung bean- I suit your eyes- and you think that I am handsome or good-looking. I don’t blame you for that- it’s normal. But the thing is when you share photos online can you adjust the angle a little bit, please? Sometimes I see that photos that you share and I think, “This must be an anti.” You don’t even give me any nice filters and you upload a photo from such a bad angle? While praising me?? It’s like.. reverse marketing. How could you put that online?! Aren’t you just giving people (who hate him) more material to work with? LYN: I’m not like other people, who can be seen from 365° and have no dead angles. For me all 365° are ALL dead angles. I’m full of dead angles. Truly dead. So please try to pick some not-so-dead angles of me to upload. Okay? 

C: How could you say I’m a tortoise? I’m no longer a fan. LYN: It’s an expression. Tortoise looking at a mung bean. You can choose to be the tortoise or the bean, it doesn’t matter. It’s just an expression. I’m not calling you an actual tortoise, but even it I were it wouldn’t matter. Because it would mean I wish you a long life. Thousand year old tortoise and hundred year old turtle. 

C: Are there any benefits for new fans? LYN: Um… benefits for new fans?? /thinking/ Are there any benefits for new fans? LYN: … LYN: Let me think of how to answer this. - /starts rolling his eyes like the buffering symbol/ LYN:You’re a new fan and you have enough gall to ask for benefits? What type of benefits did you want? Why did it take you so long to become my fan? What were you doing earlier?? Amusing. I’m not even nitpicking you, but here you are nitpicking me? Even asking for benefits?? C: Because you weren’t the male lead before! LYN: Why are you so snobby?!? I wasn’t the male lead before so you never took notice of me, is that it? You can’t be like that. A drama’s success does not rely solely on the male and female leads. There’s also the efforts of the supporting cast and background actors. Even the huge efforts of the production crew. There’s setting, lights, wardrobe, makeup, props, art. All the work of the people behind the scenes that comes together to make what you see. How could you blame liking me late on the fact that I wasn’t the male lead before??

C: So if new fans don’t have benefits, do your old fans get any? LYN: … LYN: We’re already so close with each other, what benefits could you possibly need? Haven’t you ever heard of that saying- why am I streaming here today, friends? - /changes the bgm to 黑夜一束光 (Praying)/ LYN: Because I think that companionship is the best confession. At this moment I am keeping you company, just as you are keeping me company. Like this, everything is the most precious. It’s also our greatest mutual benefit. 

C: You’re not even willing to perfunctorily offer a jug of soybean oil anymore? LYN: So you also know that’s just perfunctory. LYN: I’ve said this before, though. There will come a time one day when I will give you all that I owe you. When you hit 1000 consecutive days checking in to my SuperTopic I’ll give a jug of soybean oil or a bag of rice. There are reward ranks to checking in. There’s soybean oil, rice, and also laundry detergent, shampoo. Your basic daily necessities. As long as you check in to the Modern Brothers Super Topic, it’ll be no problem for you to claim them. C: Toilet paper. LYN: Yes. Also toilet paper, laundry detergent, hand cream, soap, eggs. All sorts of things you can get if you check in any number of days on the SuperTopic.

C: Toilet plunger. LYN: There’s no need for that.

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C: Ning-ge, can I go act as your body-double? LYN: Act as my body-double? First, tell me how tall you are. For lighting doubles the height needs to be similar, because when they’re fixing the lighting you’ll need to stand in my spot so they can get it right. The lights need to be fixed at a height that’s good for me. So if you’re 1.7m tall and they set it for that much, when I got to stand there at 1.89m the lighting’s going to be wrong. So the height needs to be similar. If you’re 2m then that’s too tall. 1.88, 1.89, or 1.90 are all okay. Otherwise, you can’t be my lighting double. It’s mainly for fixing the position of the lighting and camera. C: Don’t you shoot scenes with legs spread wider apart? (to make himself shorter) LYN: It depends on the scene. But most of the time I don’t, because that will affect my focus.

C: I can stand a day on stilts. LYN: You’re thinking too much. It’s very hard work to be a lighting double. Lighting doubles aren’t just for the leads either, but for the whole main cast. Their jobs are for the whole day. Let’s say for example I’ve finished a scene and now I’d like to take a break, so I go to the side to sit and look over the script. During this time we’re setting up for the next scene so the lighting and cameras need to be adjusted and that’s when they will stand where you will be performing later. If you’re in a room and there’s no one to mark positions, you wouldn’t now where exactly to shoot. They need to think about the background and what’s within the frame, so need someone to stand in position so the lighting and camera is set up properly. When that’s done, you can start scene rehearsals. That’s pretty much the content of their work.

LYN: But many of them- actually, I’ve asked them before: why did they become lighting doubles? I’ll chat with mine sometimes and they’ll tell me. “I’m a student. I’m on break now so I came to experience life and see what it’s like to be part of a drama crew.” “I’m a student and later at night I’ll return to class.” They’ve come for work while they’re on break- for four months- before returning to school. They’ll do that. LYN: Others are professional lighting doubles- they’ll move from crew to crew as needed. Of course, they have a salary so they’re making money and it’s work. Some doubles I think are really amazing. What I mean by that is- because they also receive the drama notices- so they will take the time to not only be a lighting double but also memorize all the lines for the role they’re doubling in. When they’re standing there for the lighting crew to fix the set-up, they and the other double will stand there going over the whole scene. They’re pretty much acting already, going over the lines together. I’ve met few people like this, but they are out there. I’m sure they also dream to one day become an actor, so during this time they’re practicing and it’s a great opportunity. I’ve met doubles like this, and when they’re on camera I think they’re amazing. They’ll remember the lines and really act out the scene, to get the feeling of it. Later they can watch the actors and learn from them. It’s a process that helps you learn extremely quickly. Being a double for any position in any drama means they’ve acted in that drama. I think that’s really ambitious.  

C: They created the opportunity for themselves.  LYN: It’s not that they created it, rather you’ll discover that “opportunity” is a really vague thing but it’s also right by your side. It just depends on what you do with it. There’s always opportunity. For example, they’re a lighting double. If their dream is to be an actor and they take their job as double seriously, it’s possible that the director might just give them an actual role. They’ll give them a role for them to act in for real. Even if that role is very small or unimportant, it’s still an opportunity. You originally came for one job- lighting double- but might end up acting. It could be fun. LYN: When I was shooting YNGS, there was one scene one of the officers pretended to be NYZ, because I had gone to the pagoda. (E29) The person pretending to be NYZ is actually my lighting double. After the mask is on, I’m the one acting. But before the mask went on, that was my double. So he got a role. :-) LYN: Sometimes the director will think this lighting double is not bad. They’re good-looking and a good person, so they’ll find a role for them to play. That’s okay, too. As long as your effort or earnesty is seen by others during this process, opportunity is something that will be given to you.    

C: It’s all a load of nonsense. LYN: There’s nothing nonsense about this. It’s all real. Sometimes I don’t like telling you about this stuff, because it’s seems like I’m preaching but I’m not. I’m just trying to share. I share what I see because I need to observe my surroundings, whether that’s the people in the crew or around me. When I watch them I think. For example, why do people who do well, do well? There are lots of opinions. LYN: Let me tell you a story- I know a chef friend. I won’t name who they are, because you know I only have so many friends who are chefs. Up until now he’s done very well for himself, and he’s very professional. How did he get so lucky? When he was first starting out and apprenticing, he got lucky and was looked well upon by an senior in the kitchen who told him to stick with him and be his helper. At that time he hadn’t even graduated yet- it was just a part-time job, to hang out and learn the work in the kitchens. When he saw this da-ge, he really wanted to follow him. But a lot of times in these circumstances the job might not come to you, especially as someone who is called in last minute. So he followed this da-ge and learned what the guy liked- for example, he likes drinking tea everyday. This “da-ge” isn’t only called that in name- he was also head of the kitchen. So he would come to the kitchen early to prepare tea, and use a fan to cool it until it was around 30C, then cap it and leave it there for him. He knew the guy liked to look at magazines- this da-ge would bet on horses- so he’d turn the pages and leave it open on the horse betting. So he could just pick it up and look at it instead of having to flip through the pages first. He’d take care of these small details, because he wanted to work with this person so much. He would take care of all the small details like this, and after a month when he needed to go back to school, he left. This lao-da needed to switch a xiao-di, right? But he discovered that he couldn’t do without him. Because when the other people worked for example, if they made his tea, he would open the cap and burn himself. It was too hot. He felt like nothing was in the right place. So he told someone to go fetch my friend back, and they did. Ever since then they’ve been working together, advancing step by step. Getting better and better with each passing day. Until today, when he is very successful himself. LYN: I don’t like to say that success if for those who are prepared for it. I you want to succeed, there’s something you have to give, to think about, to do. You can’t just sit there and wait for opportunity to fall into your lap. Many times opportunities are something you strive for yourself. You have to be thorough. I’m just telling you the story of something that happened to someone around me. I don’t mean anything else by it. 

C: Ning-ge, isn’t this just being a lackey? LYN: What nonsense are you spouting?! You can’t say it like that. It has nothing to do with that. It’s just that if you are able to do something, you will gain something in return. I’m sure that you think this person is petty and low but they’re doing better than you are. Everyone who’s doing well for themselves now has a story that people don’t know about.

C: Learn the basics. LYN: Yes. In order to learn the basics, it’s what you have to do. Once you’ve got the foundation, work will come to you. 

C: Ning-ge, are there only physical requirements to being a lighting double?  LYN: It’s not just about the physical match. You have to look at least a little similar, and the skin tone plays a role in that. The whole purpose is to set the lighting, so the skin tone has to be similar. They also go through the whole hair and makeup process, too, so that they can stand there to be the double. They still need to be similar, or as close as possible, to the lead actor. C: Then, I’m out. I’m a “black egg.” LYN: What is that?? I’ve never heard that term before. You’re so dark you… look like an egg? I don’t know. What does that mean? C: A century egg, is a “black egg.” LYN: Oh~ C: A tea egg. LYN: Oh, ok.

bgm: 我只愿朝着光 (I Only Wish to Face the Light) - Be Your Own Light OST

C: Are doubles paid by the production company? LYN: Well, yeah. The production pays them because they’re production staff. We’re all the same. Even actors get paid by the production company. 

C: Are there mouth doubles? - [t/n: can also mean “lip”] LYN: /licks his lips/ LYN: What do you mean “mouth double”? That is- when you need to kiss, someone else comes and does it for you? A kiss double, or? What are you referring to? What does “mouth double” mean? LYN: Does a “mouth” double speak on your behalf? There’s nothing like that because you have to act it out yourself. C: Kiss double. LYN: I don’t know… I have yet to encounter a kiss double. For example, there’s a scene that requires me to kiss someone, and the FL says, “Sorry. Not me. You come over here and kiss him.”? I haven’t heard of this before. C: Ning-ge, I’m willing to replace the FL. LYN: I have heard that some dramas DO use kiss doubles, though. Some dramas. I’ve heard about before. I’m not quite sure how they do it, but one time they showed me a scene and told me it was a kiss double. I was surprised. It’s great. Amazing. I don’t think they’re needed anymore? I don’t think people do it much anymore, because honestly this entertainment circle is pretty fierce. Who would dare to ask for one? There were a lot before- I’m hearing this from the stories my actor friends have told me. But nowadays, what young person would dare? They’d be plagued by antis until death. No one dares. 

LYN: The other day I was shooting a scene with another actor, and there was a line that was extremely long. It was an inexplicable poem. It was ridiculously long. Not like the ones we’ve learned before. It was so difficult to memorize and we needed to shoot it in a rush, but there wasn’t a lot of time and the pressure was on. We got halfway through the lines before we got stuck because it was just too long and strange. Later when we were rehearsing they told me, jokingly, “If I forget my lines I’m just going to say, “1, 2, 3, 4, 5.” “A, B, C, D, E.”” and I replied, “You wouldn’t dare!” They were joking, of course, and I was also joking back. I said, “You can’t do that because there’s one problem. Not only are we shooting the drama right now and there are crew members around, but there are also paparazzi. They’re all around us. Even if you were joking, if you were caught on video and it was shared online it’s going to affect your career for the rest of your life. You cant joke with this.” We’re really doing it as a joke, but the people around us don’t know that. If someone catches video of that and sells it at a high price and it’s shared online? You’ll be ridiculed until death. No amount of explanation will get you out. LYN: People always talk about “number actors” but really no one dares to try that anymore. At latest I haven’t met anyone. I’ve heard some different ridiculous things, but I won’t tell you about them now. I’ll tell you when I’m sixty. Some really ridiculous moves.

LYN: With my current identity as a rookie actor I have no right to comment on other people’s reasonings and also it’s not good for me to be talking about other people. That’s why when I’m sixty I’ll do a “倚老卖老” (an older person relying on their age to despise others). I’ll share with you, then. That’s why we have to maintain a healthy body! So that when I’m sixty I can do a livestream and tell you a no holds barred account of all my years in this industry. Everything I’ve experienced and things that are outrageous. C: Will you still remember everything when you’re sixty? LYN: I’ll write down every outrageous thing on a little note and put it in a box. Even if I don’t remember, I could just open the box, look at the note and I will know. Alright? C: Will you write a diary? LYN: No.

---------- 

C: Why has your voice changed? LYN: Has my voice changed? Do you think it has? No, right? This is just the way it is. LYN: Why would someone say my voice has changed? At this age, have I just entered puberty and my voice is changing? Huh? It hasn’t changed, right? LYN: ~No way. I think I’ve always sounded like this. It’s never changed. Maybe you just didn’t know me well enough before. You might think that I can only speak with a Northeastern dialect.~ C: Your voice sounds more thrilling. LYN: ~I don’t think so. In order to do that all I need to do is find a common topic, so it seems more thrilling. It will give my voice some highlights.~ C: It’s more gentle. LYN: ~ If it’s gentle you want then I need to add more breath into it. Am I gentle enough now? ~ C: Today is my birthday, can you wish me a “Happy Birthday”? LYN: ~ Alright. Happy Birthday. ~ LYN: ~ Someone told me that if I continue to be this gentle, their dreams tonight will all be of me. /sigh/ You don’t need to do that. ~

LYN: ! I think for the rest of the night I should use this sort of fake style to chat with you all. What do you think?

C: Lao-da, when they’re doing acupuncture are they really pricking you? LYN: Of course not. Because honestly it does hurt. It’s not worth it.

C: Thanks to you I have less homework tonight and I can watch your stream. LYN: ?? Thanks to me?? What does you having less homework have to do with me? Did I abduct your teacher or something? Why is it thanks to me? How strange! 

C: Lao-da, you gained 5k fans. LYN: /laughs/ That just means these 5k people have some sort of small interest in me. Even if they don’t like me, at least they don’t hate me, right? I’d like to thank all the friends who are already following me. If you are not yet subscribed, please do so. The next time I stream you won’t miss it. Thank you, everyone. It’s my honor. 

C: Are you wearing a wig? LYN: I already told you- I don’t really have many faults, but the one I do have is that I’m balding. From here (middle of head) to here (front of head)- /shrugs/ my hair’s flown away. At this moment I am using the hat to cover it and in the front is fake bangs that I bought online for 18rmb. Just so that you can see a slightly more normal person. Please don’t mind it, okay? Don’t look down on people. 

C: My kid is six and they watch your stream and laugh. LYN: They have good taste. Children are the most honest. So the fact that they are happy when they see me means… they like me. They like this uncle. 

bgm: 黑夜一束光 (Praying)

C: Speak properly. LYN: Am I not speaking properly now? I’m only using Standard Mandarin. You really don’t like it? Are you really so against me speaking the standard dialect? /sigh/ I really don’t know what I’ve done wrong. I’ve only just started to speak Standard Mandarin, and you’re holding it against me??  C: Super not accustomed to it. LYN: Is it that bad?!? I only spoke a few words in the standard dialect, why are you being like this to me?? /cackles/ C: I’m finally awake from this illusion. LYN: Yes, I’ll stop messing around now. I’ll return to normal.

-----

C: Lao-da, can you use a villain’s tone to speak? LYN: Haven’t you ever heard that saying- is there any bad guy on earth who would call themselves a bad guy? Does a villain sound different from everyone else? There is no difference. As an actor playing a villain, would you consider yourself one and go around saying, “I’m a villain?” They would never. They’ll think that what they’re doing is the right thing. LYN: When I was acting as BCF I knew I was going to be the villain. But there were times when I was reciting my lines that I would think about what I was saying and I couldn’t understand, from my own worldview. I tried to find some way to convince myself  that would support BCF’s beliefs, because I felt like what I was saying was not humane. But there was nothing I could do. I had to find a way. So I stood from the character’s perspective and thought everything I was doing was in the right and I wasn’t wrong. Everything I did, I did with reason. I’ve played- I can’t say I always play the villain, but I’ve acted as them before. C: Da Bai wasn’t a villain, was he? LYN: He was, in the drama. But in his own world he was a hero. The first drama I acted in- Hot Blooded Youth- Wei Chengfeng was a villain through and through. - [t/n: call me a WCF apologist, because I understood where he was coming from. >.> ]

C: Lao-da, is the inner entertainment circle easy to mingle in? LYN: Let me tell you- when I see these questions, if it were me before, I would answer. But now I really don’t dare to. My streams used to be really self-contained, so whatever I was saying wouldn’t be spread around. But right now I really wouldn’t dare to answer this type of question. This type of question has the same logic as the problem of which came first: the chicken or the egg. No matter how you answer, it’s problematic. Do you get me? No matter how I answer, it’d be wrong. If I say it’s easy, that’s definitely wrong. If I say it’s hard, then people will tell me to get out of it. There’s no correct answer. No matter what you say, you’re going to be criticised for it. So I choose not to answer this question. LYN: There IS a way to answer it, and that’s by using a different type of logic, which is: “I don’t know if it’s easy or not, but if you want to know you can come and find out for yourself.” Everyone’s feelings are different. I have my feeligns and you have yours, so if you have the chance you should come and experience it for yourself. You may gain happiness or you may gain suffering. It’s not a sure thing, so you should try it for yourself.    C: Tell us when you’re sixty. LYN: There’s nothing to tell you! For anything you do there’s a sweet side and a bitter side. Using my work as an example, there’s nothing that ever goes smoothly from start to finish. Likewise, there’s nothing that you will suffer through from start to finish. Everything is relative.

C: Ning-ge, are crying scenes difficult for you? LYN: They are. They’re extremely difficult. Because ever since I was little I was someone who didn’t like to cry. I was always very brave. So crying scenes for me are extremely difficult. Whenever there’s a scene I need to cry in I will have so much pressure and suffering. Because ever since I was little, I didn’t like to cry. - /laughs at himself, starts a thought and doesn’t end up finishing it/ - /starts singing 勇敢勇敢 by Huang Yong instead/ C: Where did the “crybaby” nickname come from, then? LYN: I don’t like to cry that much. I’m not someone who really likes to cry. If I do it in a drama that because I need to for work and other times it’s because zqsg. It’s possible. When acting it’s all about the zqsg. That’s normal, but in my daily life I don’t like to cry much. - [t/n: zqsg = 真情实感 (zhēnqíng shígǎn) = true feelings]

C: Didn’t you say you were scared into crying on The Truth? LYN: Scared tears and normal tears are two different things. Being scared to tears is passive. It’s not something you can control. It’s a psychological reaction. Well, acting also counts as a psychological reaction. LYN: It was actually really scary though! C: You were scared to tears when riding the horse, though? LYN: I wasn’t scared to tears when riding the horse, it was because of the wind. The horse was a little too fast and the wind blew into my eyes. But... good thing my eyes are small! I’ll say it myself first. If the wind blows them too open, I can also start to tear up. The tears were because of the wind. 

C: Ning-ge, how can you cry to have a tear fall from only one eye? LYN: I really can’t teach you! Are you an actor? If you are then go find a professional teacher to learn from, what are you learning from me for? What do you mean tears from only one eye?? I- the next time you cry, you can try to feel it for yourself. Of your two eyes there’s a high probability that the tears will fall from one eye first. One will fill with tears faster than the other. They usually don’t fall at the same time. That only happens when both are full. When you cry normally, one falls first. LYN: I know an actor friend that can control whether the tear falls from their left eye or their right. At the time I thought, “Wow. That’s so amazing!” When we were filming one of the scenes together and it was their turn- because when I cry, I’m just doing it instinctually. I’m just naturally crying. I won’t get into the details, but the result it the same- I cry. I can’t determine which eye the tears fall from first. Sometimes it’s the left and sometimes it’s the right. But I found out that they can control it, so I asked, “How do you control which eye the tear falls from?” So they taught me. It’s something that you feel is very amazing, it sounds amazing, but once you know how it’s done you’ll think, “Oh, it was actually so simple!” The method is very simple, but whether you can pull it off or not is a different matter. After they told me how, I realized it was very simple.  C: Tear drops. LYN: No, not that. What actor would dare to use tear drops nowadays?

C: Ning-ge, why don’t you demonstrate? // Is it top secret? LYN: It’s not a secret. Actually, I can- how about this. If you want to know then send me 50rmb in WeChat and I’ll teach you the method. You think you’re watching me stream, but in reality I am also selling classes. The classes don’t have any content, rather I’m just telling you a ridiculous- no, it’s not ridiculous… It looks like I’m streaming for free, but now I’m starting to reap my harvest. If you want to know the secret  I was talking about you need to send me 50rmb. C: I don’t want to know. Bye. LYN: … LYN: You already know that I’m joking. I know that you are too, but can’t you just indulge me? Can’t you open your heart a little bigger and just indulge me?? I’m feeling a little arrogant, so you need to follow my flow a little bit. You can’t just leave me hanging! Right?! You need to make it out like you’re very interested in the answer or want to haggle the price, and that way we get a story out of it. 1. You could beg me to tell you. 2. You’re desperate to know but you created a characterization of yourself- which is that you’re very stingy- so you want to haggle the price with me, and in the end I make a deal with you at 35rmb. That’s the way a story can develop. You need to create the process. You can’t just cut if off like that. For example, in this case I said “send me 50rmb” and you just turned me down and left. In that case the story ends. That’s no good. Can’t you just work with me a little?? D: C: 5rmb. LYN: Actually, 5rmb would be ok too. With all of you here, you could negotiate a group offer. XD

C: 1rmb. Teach me, friend. LYN: /laughs/ LYN: I really did learn this ability, though. They taught me how and I tried, and it worked! It looked like a difficult thing to do but was accomplished simply. If you don’t learn how though, you really can’t do it. It’s like going to a restaurant to eat a dish but they have a secret recipe. When you’re looking at the recipe you think it’s difficult to make but after you’ve made it you think it was easy. If no one tells you how to do it, though- C: Show us. LYN: Am… Am I crazy? First of all, I’m streaming so there’s no need for me to sit here crying for no reason, is there? Secondly, if it were to get out that I’m crying in my stream wouldn’t that be grounds for people to ridicule me until I die? Anti-LYN: LYN thinks he’s all that, acting in his streams and telling his fans that “this is what acting is”? We all know how his acting is, and he’s demonstrationg on stream how to cry?? They’re requesting crying scenes from him??? I don’t know what’s wrong with this industry, can just anyone and everyone act now? Who is it exactly, that’s backing him? Who indulges him? Even someone like him can go into acting- that’s too unfair. LYN: I have predicted your prediction. Excuse me, I have predicted your prediction to my prediction. (uno-reverse)

C: Is this a real person? LYN: AI. I’m an AI image, right now. I’ve actually snuck away and am soaking my feet. I’m getting ready to sleep, but my AI is sitting here streaming for you. 

C: Ning-ge, if you see me, then breathe. LYN: /laughs/ 

----- Cicada Girls

C: Ning-ge, can we talk about Xiao Bei (Cicada Girls)? LYN: Yeah, we can. Why not? What do you want to talk about? C: When can I meet him? LYN: I don’t know. I really don’t know. I haven’t received any news, but they did send me some OSTs. As for the other stuff I don’t know. 

C: Does Xiao Bei have a BE? LYN: I don’t know. I can’t spoil it. You can watch it when the time comes. LYN: When I was acting as XB, since it was a modern drama, now that I think about it I didn’t control what I was eating. I was eating lots every day. I was happy just to eat. Eating every day~ We were shooting in Chongqing, so I didn’t care. I ate and relaxed. C: Weren’t you working out then? LYN: It wasn’t then. It was before XB, when I was in Beijing for a period of time. I was working out constantly, then. I found a trainer and everything. Because last year I know I had promised to show you abs by the end of the year. But once I starting shooting the drama it was really tiring and I wasn’t in the mood to work out anymore. 

C: Is XB the 1ML or 2ML? LYN: It’s not important. Xiao Bei is Xiao Bei, and he is just one of my many roles. (His rank) is not important. Whether 1ML or 2ML, I still get paid. I still get the same amount of scenes. So it’s not important.

C: Is Gao Weiguang taller than you are? LYN: He is! He seriously is. It’s been two- three consecutive dramas where I’ve met someone taller than me. Yuan Lu is taller than I am. Chen Youwei. When I first went to shoot the drama, we were in Dunhuang on the first day and we went out to eat, to get to know each other. I saw him and thought, “Wow, CYW’s so tall??!” He’s taller than I am, but he’s acting as my little brother. “My little brother is taller than I am! His development is too good, isn’t it??” I guess I can’t say that he’s taller than I am, but that we are around the same height. The difference does not exceed 1cm. But GWG really is taller than I am, for sure. C: What about Zhang Linghe? LYN: I think we’re around the same height? We haven’t measured, but I don’t think the difference between us would be more than 1cm. It’s not like the first thing I did when I saw him was go, “Come here, kid, Let’s compare heights.” It’s not necessary. If we hang out we’ll get a general idea of what the difference is. It’s not like we’re competitive about it, and there’s no need to be! ZKY, too. When the three of us are together we’re all pretty tall. One look and you can see that we’re all similar in height. The difference won’t be more than 2cm. C: I’d like to see you work on a drama together. LYN: If there’s an opportunity. 

bgm: 狂風襲來 (Fierce Wind Raid) - West Out of Yumen/Parallel World OST LYN: When I was recording for the program BY had told me that he sang this too. I replied, “Oh? You sang it?” and he told me that he went to some event and sang this song. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lw4kBfY94XE]

C: Ning-ge, did you change your studio team? LYN: I haven’t. You’ve noticed that the studio contents seem to have gone through a change, right? I went to Disney the other day and people got photos of my staff and they commented, “Oh. No wonder the posts the studio is making suits our tastes. He added some after-‘00 liners. The studio added new members, and they’re born after the 2000’s.” C: Is your studio still recruiting? LYN: Our team is full at the moment. We’re not recruiting. I have enough people. So, we’re no longer recruiting at this moment. Go find work elsewhere.

C: So are they new? LYN: They’re not new. I’ve told you before, that I didn’t used to like taking photos or videos. For example when I had to attend events- like most recently the one for DragonTV. Most of the time artists have to take setting off pictures- you’ve seen them for things like Weibo Night. “Setting off” pictures. What that means is that when they’re ready to go, they’ll post photos so that everyone who is paying attention to them that day can see what they’re wearing and how they’re styled and with what makeup. Is it tasteful? Does it look good? Are they handsome or not? Pretty or not? That’s standard operation for an artist- no matter what you’re doing, you have to post photos first. To let people know, “I’m heading out to an event. What do you think of my outfit? I got it from Taobao.” They need to tell people who they’re wearing. It’s something all artists will do. LYN: But I- honestly, I don’t think I am good-looking. So I really hate taking photos and shooting promo ads. I really don’t like those two things. I don’t like making poses because even when I do the picture doesn’t come out nice. No matter what I do, it looks strange. So I really didn’t like taking photos or videos, and would tell my staff not to take photos of me. Another thing is that when I’m attending these events I’m usually there to sing. At an actor’s event, I’m singing. At a singer’s event, I’m also singing. I always have a performance when I’m at an event. They’ll say, “Since you’re coming, why don’t we add you to the program?” So in my mind I’m there to perform, not to make myself pretty and walk the carpet, get on stage to accept an award, say a speech, and leave. Usually I have a performance, and I’m singing a song. I’m under a lot of pressure- it’s self-given. I want to make sure I do well and don’t mess up because I’m a singer after all, even though I’ve been acting lately. So when my studio would tell me, “Boss, let’s take some photos. 🙏” I’d get really annoyed at them and say, “I don’t want to!” Then I found out that everyone else was taking these photos, so I’d say, “Take some, take some. Hurry. That’s enough. Ok. Ok. You’re only posting 6 or 7, that’s enough.” My staff are actually pretty helpless to do anything. Of course, I don’t speak to them that way. I was just exaggerating. I don’t actually treat my staff that way. LYN: I’d say, “~ Can we stop taking photos now? I’m a little… annoyed. :) I still have a performance later, can we move along? They said we only need six photos, right? We have about enough. Trust me. We have enough. :) It won’t be a problem. You’re already doing great.👍~” “~I think you’ve all worked hard today. Why don’t you take a break and fix up the photos we got and just post them? Alright? Then, I will go prepare.~” LYN: Do you believe the former way more, or the latter way? /laughs/ C: I believe the former one more. LYN: Ok, yeah. It leans more towards the former, but not as arrogant. They won’t force me, though. But at that time I was conflicted about it. I didn’t want to take pictures. I just wanted to pull off my performance successfully, and participate in the event a little but otherwise be done with it.

LYN: But I would get yelled at by my own fans. Anti LYN: “It’s so late already, why haven’t you posted any photos when all the other artists have?? Where are they? Why aren’t there any? What does your studio even DO??” LYN: Isn’t that… them yelling at me? It just felt like they were saying, “LYN. You say you’re an artist but you don’t even post photos, so what type of artist are you?? You should be coming out to do business. Your fans support you so much, so what’s wrong with taking a few photos for them? What are you being so stuck-up for? Do you think you’re too good for us?” I feel like that’s what they’re saying. That’s why later, I adjusted. When I need to post photos, I will. But if they try to take too many, I can’t take it. But I heard that a lot of artists are really intense and they’ll arrive a day early! I don’t mean anything else by it- I’m just describing a situation I’ve seen, and something that makes me think they’re really amazing. If the event is on the 8th, they’ll arrive on the 6th. They’ll start makeup and when that’s done they’ll wear their outfit for the day and take photos. On the 7th they’ll pick and edit photos. On the 8th, the actual day of the event, they’ll post the photos. LYN: I just thought they were really intense and also really amazing. But I can’t be like them. If you had me do something a day in advance I would find it really tiring. But many artists do, and it’s something I respect and admire about them. I’ve gotten better now, though. My studio will post a few things about my daily life or make a video about an event I’ve attended. I need to change, and it’s better for everyone’s development. C: Your staff complained? LYN: They didn’t. I just like to look at things myself. I realized that I probably needed to start making the change. For a lot of things no amount of advising will work. I need to realize it myself in order to make a change. Sometimes now I’ll actively tell them to call pr so we can shoot some content to post, because you all seem to enjoy it. At least this way I have an excuse for not streaming. So since I’m not streaming, at least you have something to look at. LYN: Today my staff told me that they’ve collected a bunch of material, and asked if they should post it. I told them not to post yet, because I was going to stream tonight. In a few days when I haven’t streamed and I think that my fans miss me too much, I’ll post something. To appease them. But I’m streaming today so we’re saving it. 

C: Objectively comment on the ceremony’s fan support. LYN: Your… your voices are pretty loud. You sure can shout. It’s not bad. I’ve said before, that a lot of my fans are actually kettles that have become human. C: Do you like it? Tell the truth. LYN: You could just ask the first three words, why did you add the next three? What’s there for you to be proud of? Did you also shout? Were you a part of the kettle boiling? Of the 12 major scales, were you in charge of one of them? And you’re asking me, /coyly/ “Did you like it? Tell the truth.” Even I can imagine what type of face you’re making! LYN: ~Did you like it? Tell the truth~ :) ~ LYN: It was quite nice, I just didn’t expect it. Because there are rarely daytime events, and the tickets were limited. So there were a few friends who relied on some connections to get in. Someone’s relative, or some acquaintance, that were able to get you tickets and get you in. I didn’t expect there to be so many of you. It was unexpected. I can’t say you made me look good, but at least knowing that you were there to support me made me happy. C: I bought the ticket myself. LYN: Very good. In any case, you were all quite loud. There were so many people including seniors and rookies*, but I was glad to have you there. You’ve worked hard. - [t/n: *meaning they weren’t drowned out by the groups of other fans.]

C: Chat about the fan support in Changsha. LYN: I was happy to see the Changsha fan-support as well. Every time I go to Changsha to record for variety shows, many of you go to see me. I’m really thankful for you to make the trip to see me, and to shout for me and support me. You’re really saving me face. You’ve come from a long way, too. I know that’s not easy. Knowing that you did that, I think that the least I could do is come out to greet you all. I know that I’m very safe with you. No one is going to try to rush at me or make a mess of things. Sometimes you may look rowdy, but I know that’s because other people’s fans  or paparazzi are trying to squeeze over to look at a monkey. My fans are very polite, and stand their ground even when I come out to see you. It’s nice, and you’re always like that. LYN: But this time around, because… that other person (SZE?) is afraid of anything happening when they attend events. If there’s any problem, then it will turn into a major thing. This time, I didn’t go over to greet them and I had told them about it. But I’m still thankful that you came to support me. I really appreciate it. Thank you. LYN: It was raining that day, too. So I really am very grateful.  C: You broke the bank on milk teas. LYN: It was fine. Those things are for a purpose. It’s nothing. 

-----

C: Talk about The Truth. LYN: There’s nothing really to say about it? I’ve already said all I could. I’m close with the cast this year, except for the one new friend. But we had a fun time recording and quickly became friends. BY, ZKY, and I count as the more experienced players, as we’re carried over from last season. It’s not that we’re guiding the new players, but that we have more of an insight due to the experience. We’ll tell the new players about what happened to us last season and how the crew will attempt to mess with us. Or, from a reasoning perspective, what way we can look at things in order to solve the riddles. We’ll share what we know, even if what we’re saying is mostly nonsense. LYN: We’ll tell them, “If the production set it up this way, then that means this will happen next” and the thing doesn’t happen at all. “This problem is so simple! It’s this, plus this. Divided by this. Then that means the answer is this-” and we don’t solve it at all. We thought there’d be an advantage to being an experienced player but in the end it doesn’t help at all. And we’re over here trying to teach them??? Later when I looked back on it I was wondering, “Do they find me really annoying?” I thought I was being smart, but in the end I’m all wrong. 

LYN: In the first episode BY, ZKY, and I would be more proactive in sharing what we think and how to solve the problems. We’re doing it with good intentions, because we want to show the new players how to play. But they play better than we do. That’s the most embarrassing part! I thought I’d be able to guide them through it, but they know the game better than I do! Later it got better, and we played all together. It was fun. At the very least, we blended well. LYN: When you’re recording a show, one part of it is the show itself and the second part is the relationships between people. People who always watch variety shows will know, actually you’re watching for the relationships. You want to see if this group of people work well together or not. Are they fun to watch? Do you like seeing them get together and chat? Even if it’s something silly as reasoning, it’s the matter of whether you like to see it or not. The atmosphere they create is very important. This season is really not bad at all- we’re great together, because we all know each other and we’re good people.

C: Is it all recorded before it’s aired? LYN: No. It should air before we finish recording all the episodes. We’ll record and broadcast at the same time. There’s still editing and getting clearance from censors- the process is actually a lot like that of a drama’s. After it passes censors, they’ll cut and fix before putting the episodes together. It’s the same as with a drama. It won’t be too long. I’m sure you’ll see it before the month is up. I hope so, at least. It’s not a sure thing.

- /fixing his hair/ LYN: It’s a little long. But I’ve just had it trimmed. :\

LYN: When I was recording for this program I felt like… I’ve changed so much so that it doesn’t feel like me. Before when I used to attend events or variety shows I would be more relaxed. I thought, “As long as I’m having fun!” Because for variety shows you need to be 1) invested in the story and 2) be active. But now I guess I’ve experienced some… slight cyber bullying. Maybe not “cyber bullying” but some... setbacks. Now I have worries. I kept thinking- let me share with you. LYN: I’m actually nervous for this season. I went to record for the show, and this season there are some musical elements involved. I won’t go into details, but you’ll hear us sing. At the time I was in a group with ZLH- we’re all singing the same song. Then, after we sang… /pause/ We’re singing the same part of the song! Because it’s particularly difficult to memorize. So when we sang it, it was maybe slightly easier for me, since I am still considered a professional singer, right? I could approach it normally. But for him, he is not… the best… at singing. When he was singing I- /looked at ZLH like “?!”/ I thought he was really amusing! What an interesting person! So when he was singing I thought it was pretty fun. I don’t know. In any case, during the process I understood the charm of his singing. There’s nothing wrong with me phrasing it like that, right? I understood the charm of his singing. That’s why in the show I kept cueing him, saying, “I don’t want to hear anyone else sing. I want to hear ZLH.” “Sing something. Come on, let’s do it together!” Actually- it’s because he’s a new player, so I wanted to break the ice with some playful ribbing. He didn’t sing, and it’s not like I would have FORCED him! But it ended up becoming a small inside joke. I said to him, “I just want to hear you sing. I’m begging you. Please!” But through the process of the show, we continued joking like this. And he can take a joke, too. He’d say, “I won’t sing!” so I replied, “If I send you 100rmb, will you sing? I’m begging.” We’ll make these types of jokes. LYN: But after we finished recording and I got home and was lying on my bed, I started thinking: “Was that problematic?” When the show airs, would people think, “LYN, why are you such a terrible person? Are you making fun of him?? What do you mean by that? You’re a singer, so you sound nice and that makes you think you can make fun of others?” I was lying on my bed, thinking of this problem. “You’re forcing him! You’re-” /cuts himself off/ “-bullying new players!” I was thinking of this problem, tossing and turning, and couldn’t sleep for a long time. I was thinking to myself, “It’s fine, right? People will know I was joking?” “I don’t need to bring him down just to prove how great of a singer I am, there’s no need for that! I’m not going to benefit in any way from doing that.” I just kept thinking about it. After a few days of mulling it over I decided it wasn’t a big deal. If we’re all getting along well then no one would think in that direction. Anyway, I just want to share that I’m a little 前怕狼后怕虎 (qián pà láng hòu pà hǔ; lit. fear the wolf in front and the tiger behind; needless fears)

LYN: I’ll think too much now, and I think that makes me unhappy. LYN: But I just need some time to adjust and regain my previous mental state. I need to move forward, but without losing myself and my own personality. I think that’s very important. 

bgm: 就在江湖之上 (Above the Jianghu) - Mysterious Lotus Casebook OST

LYN: I’ve been streaming for more than four hours already?? I’ve streamed for more than four hours, already. LYN: /to the melody of 我的滑板鞋 (My Skate Shoes)/ ~Time is moving so swiftly. Night has fallen. I believe I must take my leave. I’ve forgotten many things, but I still remember in my imagination there are a pair of skate shoes. When I wear them, I am sure to dance well!~ LYN: How about this, friends? Today, I will- what time is it now? 9:59p. I’ll stream until 10:30p. Okay? I’ll stream another half-hour. We’ll go until 10:30p. I’ll chat with you some more, since I haven’t in a long time. We’ll chat. But wait for me a sec. I’ll use the restroom. 

---------- break #4

LYN: Good evening, my friends! LYN: Oh? Really? Fifty million (people watching the stream). I don’t believe this is possible! 

C: Quick, get off of LYN. [a ghost?] LYN: You mean, “I don’t care who you are, I order you to get off LYN?” LYN: Why are you saying it so terrifyingly?

C: LYN, just be yourself. This is just the way the world is. LYN: I- never complain. Because it doesn’t do me any good. I have my own rhythm and I’ll just have to slowly adjust, because my environment isn’t the same as it was before. 

C: Are there any new dramas? LYN: I’m working hard to film them quickly! It’s difficult for me to come across a drama and script that I like. But I’m doing my best to shoot them, so I hope you can be less restless and less impatient. 

C: Ge, are you not singing today? LYN: You must have just come in. You just came in, so what gives you the right to start making demands? You don’t know that you’re late?! I already sang, but I haven’t eaten much today so I don’t have enough strength. I won’t be singing. I can hum a little but not properly sing.

C: /telling him to comment on other people/ LYN: What gives me the right to? Who am I to judge other people? Do you think I’m like those content creators who rate this and rate that? I don’t rely on my videos to gain ad revenue. I don't need to judge people. Don’t scare me. I wouldn’t dare to comment on anyone. Even with my close friends, I have to be careful. I have to be careful when I mention their names, even when joking. So I just won’t mention them anymore. Because when you’re in this industry your job is to bring people happiness or entertainment, so I used to think that mentioning my friends and seeing how close we were to each other would have the same effect. But now everything is criticized (as a matter of principle), so I don’t mention them anymore. If everything is going to be criticized I might as well not say anything. Not making trouble is better than having trouble. LYN: So I’ll try my best not to mention anyone if there’s no need to bring them up.

bgm: 遥远的相似 (Distant Resemblance) - South Wind Knows OST

C: Are you still going to be on Mao Xue Woof? LYN: When I went to record for Hello Saturday, Xueqin asked me what I was doing in May. But I’d be shooting my drama, then. I think she said that it would start recording in May, so if I had time I could go do an episode. But I’d already be in my new crew by then so I don’t think I can go. I’m going to miss it again. How regretful!

C: My mom says that you look very cultured/refined. LYN: … It’s not followed by “degenerate” is it? She said “refined” and it wasn’t followed by anything, like “This kid looks like a refined d-d…” /can’t bring himself to say it/. Right? /puts on some shades/ Oh~ LYN: Auntie, I’m just faking it. Jie, I’m faking it. I’m just a hoodlum of society. I’m not very refined or a refined person. 

C: Ning-ge, my roommate says you’re very handsome. LYN: /pleased/ It’s been a long time since I’ve heard someone call me handsome. Friends, this is a secondary account I’ve created. It makes posts automatically. When you say the keyword it will post the comment automatically, “LYN you’re very handsome. Really.” C: My husband says you’re very handsome. LYN: That’s not necessary. I’m sure that your husband is the most handsome person in your heart. I’m just average. - cue You Are My Destiny~~ LYN: I need to change the bgm for this!

C: My mom and dad have seen your journey and think you’re really impressive. LYN: I’m not impressive. But I think… Sometimes I will think back on what I’ve experienced and what I’ve been through on this road. I think it’s pretty magical. When I went back to Dandong for a bit, I especially felt this. This whole journey has been magical. I don’t think I am all that amazing, but more of that I got lucky in my choices. When I first started out, after I went viral, I was really popular. Even I think so- I was popular, and there was a lot of interest in me. But at that time I didn’t choose to continue to be a streamer. I chose to become a celebrity. I didn’t choose to take business deals to go around to various events and sing for money. I did something that didn’t make me money instead. I started acting. At that time I had never acted before, but jumped right in. Of course, it’s because of this that I was able to meet someone I’m indebted to. They gave me a hand and an opportunity. LYN: I think it’s all about choice. At every juncture, I didn’t make too bad of a choice. It’s been that way up until today. When I look back and try to think of a choice I made incorrectly, I can’t come up with one. Of course, there’s no turning back in life. /thinks/ I did make some wrong choices. But I’ll use them as experience and consider it a training. If your whole life was smoothly paved, you won’t learn anything. LYN: I can’t say that my life was smooth, but I also don’t want to play the sympathy card and tell you exactly how difficult the process was. Some things I can’t say. 1) It’s something I can’t tell you viewers, and 2) If I tell you only my fans would feel sorry for me. The greater community won’t care. Passersby or people who don’t like me won’t feel sorry for me, so there’s no need to voice all the things I thought were hard or tiring. There’s no need to. LYN: I remember there’s a song from Wang Yuan called “世界上没有真正的感同身受” (There’s No True Empathy In This World). I think I’ve heard it before. I think it’s really right. It’s hard to feel true empathy. So even if you were to tell about your hardships there wouldn’t be any meaning to doing it. 

LYN: I’ve told you, right? I shot a drama once. I think I told you. That’s when I decided I wanted to be an actor, and I liked doing it. But after shooting for that drama for one week I got back to my hotel room and I stood there in front of the mirror looking at myself- still in wig and makeup. I looked into the mirror and told myself, “LYN, you’re a singer. You could have just sung your songs and made enough to feed yourself, so why did you start acting? Why do you want to be an actor? Why??” LYN: There were times when I would interrogate myself like this. Back then I almost gave myself a mental illness. You might think that’s something you only see on tv- after all how many people in real life would talk to themselves in the mirror? Very few. At that time I was already at that stage. C: Were you mezmerized by your own good looks in the mirror? LYN: /defeated/ LYN: You’ve probably seen less of me than I have. I’ve been looking at myself for 30+ years. I’m just glad I don’t want to throw up. How could I be surprised by my own good looks? No way. I just wanted to say that on the road to becoming an actor you’ll make decisions you might consider a regret at the time, but become a gain later on. It helps me to adjust my way of thinking. For example if I encounter something I don’t think is good enough I will be conflicted over it. “This won’t do. What is this? I can’t do this.” But later when I thought about it I was limiting my possibilities. Throughout this whole process I’m learning to convince myself, open myself to feeling more and experiencing more. In the end I hope I can convey that to you.

C: Ning-ge, the script where you’re a dominating CEO… LYN: First of all, I’m not as popular as you think I am- I don’t have a lot of work which allows me to pick and choose whatever drama I want. I’m happy to have work in the first place. I’m grateful that a drama would even consider me. I’m just cruising along looking for some way to fill my stomach. That’s the first thing- a dominating CEO is not something I can act as just because I want to. Secondly,- ~ Woman, you’re playing with fire, but you’ve successfully gained my attention. If there’s an opportunity I might… actually consider accepting a role. ~ Just kidding. :) LYN: Honestly a lot of times I discovered this problem- that is, some roles I’ve accepted are already that of a dominating CEO, only it’s a guzhuang version. It’s the same sort of character. ~ Woman, I told you to shut your mouth. Within three minutes, collect your belongings and get out. ~ Isn’t that a dominating CEO? It’s all the same lines but just in a different era. - /comparing lines in guzhuang vs modern dramas/ LYN: So if you’re saying that you want to see me act as a dominating CEO, probably some of my guzhuang roles can also fulfill that wish. 

C: I want to see Daimi. LYN: Maybe later.

C: Ning-ge, can you play a villain that doesn’t die? LYN: A villain that survives in the end? I can. I’ll try, at least. If one such roles comes to me, I’d accept it. C: A villain who turns good in the end. LYN: That’s difficult. Because the problem of the logic- from what I’ve heard- is that as long as you’ve done bad things… You can shout all you want, “I’m going to kill AAA. I’m going to do BBB. I’ll destroy the three realms!” But as long as you don’t actually DO anything, it’s fine. Maybe you can be redeemed. But the moment you actually DO those things, I don’t think there’s any redemption. 

C: Ning-ge, if you have time why not become a voice actor? LYN: I know a lot of people have suggested it, but I need to tell you something: I’m not worthy. I like voice acting, so sometimes I’ll listen to the works of the really amazing professional voice actors. There’s really a difference. Their voices not only sound good, but their control is far superior. I’m not worthy to be a voice actor. They’re much more amazing than I am. It’s just something some people can do but others can’t. You can’t bring the same feeling/emotion to it. Some lines, like saying the name of the moves or even something like, “Bring me your life!”- it doesn’t have the same feeling. There’s still a difference. I can’t be a voice actor. If there are opportunities for me to try, I would definitely try though.

C: Go voice act for Disney. LYN: I don’t think I qualify for that either. /Minnie Mouse in the elevator/ “You’ve reached the third floor!” “The lobby is on the first floor.” “Oh~ My friend! Welcome to Shanghai Disney!” 

----- Daimi Time

LYN: Daimi-ah. Daimi. Come here, please. LYN: Come. Come on. LYN: She’s gotten her immunizations lately, so we haven’t given her a bath. She looks kind of dirty, but please don’t mind it. She can’t get wet because of the shots so she’s… scrunkly. She’s not fat, though. We’ve been regulating her diet. She was sleeping, and I woke her up. - /Daimi looks up at him/ LYN: Don’t move. Go away. How annoying. - /puts his glasses on her head, and they fall off/ LYN: You’re going to break my glasses! -- Neon Sweetheart LYN: She’s getting annoyed.

LYN: Alright, that’s about it. I’ve streamed for kind of long today. If I have time lately I’ll try to come stream more. Thank you for keeping me company and for your support. /pauses/ I forgot my closing lines. /buffering/ I hope you had a relaxing, happy, and wonderful night. It was great to have you and I hope you had fun. Let’s meet again in the next stream~ Bye bye, everyone!

[sobeksewerrat]

Mini-Drew-Analysis for His Birthday!!

Since yesterday was my lovely Drewy-bear's birthday, I decided to write a bullshit little blurb talking about how I interpret his character, and how much (I think) people misinterpret his aggression during the drakeup.

I won't include anything about the music club, since it has been a while since I rewatched the series as a whole and memories of them interacting with Drew are kinda rusty and that deserves its own essay.

Like the Milly/Ep.3 post, I *might* briefly mention a lot of my own trauma or experiences and compare them to Drew's behaviours, so apologies in advance if that bothers you.

Now, firstly, I would like to establish his major relationships in the show since most of his characterization comes from said relationships.

ZOEY:

Droey is arguably Drew's second-most-important relationship, despite the lack of screentime (which I am really salty about).

Now, whilst I love the aroace and gay Drew headacanons, I think we can all agree that he did love Zoey to some extent. The photo in Zoey's room and the fact that he is willing to fulfil her ever wish are proof enough in my eyes.

Drew's love-language is gift-giving (same, Drew, same). It was been confirmed that his parents get him everything they want since HIS FIRST APPEARANCE.

"Well, they bought it for me last night!"

I'm mostly theorising here, but going off of this alone: Drew's parents have been (and still are) very absent in his life.

They couldn't give him enough attention nor affection when he was a kid so they just opted to shove lavish gifts and money in his face to show him their [persumed] love for him.

So, Drew grew up with the virtue that love is mainly expressed through money and expensive gifts ingrained into his head since he was a young child.

He only buys gifts for people he deeply loves and cares about, it's not just a way of flexing or getting people to like him (more on that in the Jake part).

Drew loved Zoey, from the bottom of his heart, so he bought her everything she asked for and took her on dates to the mall regularly to show her how deep his affection for her is.

That's why he was so concerned and "suspicious" when she stopped asking for so many gifts.

He wasn't worried that she was "cheating", he was worried that she didn't loved him anymore, that she was going to leave him.

Moreover, Drew is a very distrustful person by nature, and those he trusts, he trusts deeply.

Those are the only people he allows himself to be emotional around or express his interests and hobbies to, but even then he still has an invisible wall surrounding him.

He lets them be close enough to understand him on a surface level, but not close enough to see his true colours and vulnerabilities (same, Drew, same ×2. Also, Milly parallel!!).

Zoey was naturally one of those few people he trusted, and she broke that trust.

That's why he was so hurt after Zoey left him. He trusted her, he was willing to go to the ends of the earth for her, he loved her.

But she cheated on him. She took advantage of him. She broke his trust.

And even without all of the above, anybody would get scarred and hurt by their partner cheating on them, manipulating them, and using them for money (trust me, I am speaking from personal experience here).

Well, Zoey betrayed him...at least his other friends are still-

HENRIAM:

WRONG. THEY HURT HIM TOO.

Let me elaborate.

We don't get enough screentime to see Drenriam interact so I can't write about them separately (FUXK YOU JAKE AND THE NUSIC FREKA DFOR HOGFINF ALL THE SCREENTOME).

But, we know Drew cares about them. And they know it too.

"Come on, you know you love us" (Henry, Ep5)

And Drew doesn't respond. He just blushes, rolls his eyes and stays silent, which I think is confirmation enough.

"buT hE iS mEAn tO tHeM!1!1" I hear a Drew-anti cry from afar while clutching their limited-edition Jailey keychains.

My guy, my gal, my enby pal, do you even HAVE friends?!?

You're only nice for the first month or so and THAT'S IT, you've gone past the expiry date of nice and become mean and brutally insult each other lightheartedly and call each other "Freak" affectionately. Sometimes it takes even less than that.

Again, they were two of the only few people he trusted.

And they also broke that trust by hiding Zoey's cheating from him. They even think about her gold-digging as JOKE (flashback to ep2 opening scene).

"They were blackmailed!!"

I don't even think I have the patience to elaborate on why that is a stupid fucking excuse. Zoey had no dirt on Jake, no?

They could have told him to tell Drew, or they could have just told him but tell him not to tell Zoey they were the ones who told on her or whatever.

I think the only reason Drew stuck with them during the finale was because he was truly alone. He had nobody else, so he stuck with the last shred of his life before Jake left, even if he hated them now (still can't wait for the Drake-up 2.0, where Drew breaks off his friendship with Henriam and falls into deep, deep depression<44).

(WAIT FUCK THEN DRIAM WONT BE CANON SH-)

Lia(and why Dria /p will never happen imo):

Yeah no it won't happen. Lia distanced herself from Zoey,and she will definitely start hanging out with Jake and the others and completely ditch the Dromies.

Yknow just completely cut off Drew from any form of emotional support system let him SUFFER

JAKE:

Oh the dreaded part-

Here we go ig.

Jake sucks. He was a horrible friend. That is the thesis, that is the topic sentence, that is what I will start with.

Let me just document every major shitty thing Jake did that I can remember atm.

1. He blackmailed Zoey and hid the fact that she was cheating on Drew from him, which breaks his trust (I elaborated on this more in my ep.3 analysis!!)

2. He lied to Drew about being grounded to ditch him for club practice, I am not even gonna try to explain why that is super shitty anybody with 2 braincells and 2 milligrams of basic human decency (which Jake apparently lacks) should be able to realize this on their own. Especially since Drew clearly has trust and attachment issues (his clearly possessive nature of Jake, being that he is one of the closest people to home). Actually, he also lied to him at the end of ep1 wtmf

3. Trying to give his laptop away to Sean. It isn't even about how rude it is to give away an expensive gift, it is about how oblivious Jake is to Drew's feelings. He doesn't even CARE about what Drew feels at all.

Drew feels like Jake is his closest friend, like he's the only person who truly understands him, when this shows that it is quite the opposite in fact.

Jake doesn't understand that it is more than just an expensive gift given by a spoiled kid with too much money to spend. It is a symbol of how much Drew loves him (platonically or otherwise). All of the gifts he buys for him are.

Drew is emotionally-constipated. We (sadly) don't get to see how they met exactly (only one picture to elude to it). But, I think I have an idea.

Drew sees Jake, a loner who's bullied by everyone and sitting all alone. He feels bad and wants to talk to him. He doesn't know how to approach him, so he tries the only way he knows.

All of his other friends and classmates would always seem impressed and fawn over him whenever his parents would buy him something new, so maybe it would work this time?

So he approaches Jake, and offers to let him play with his new switch, because that is the only possible way (in his head) to talk to him.

It is not like Jake doesn't value Drew, but this shows how little he actually knows; that him trying to fit in has caused him to completely misunderstand Drew. Idk man I don't really like Jake so I don't like analysing him please any jake kinnie try to explain.

Now, Jake has been spending a lot of time with the music club, and that has been triggering Drew's attachment issues. What was so great about those freaks anyway??

That whole scene in ep.9 was just his attachment and validation issues on full display, an essay on jagged--dust-jacket-analysis explains way better than I ever could, so check it out!!

When Jake yells at him and leaves in ep.10 and implies that there is something Zoey is hiding it...it breaks him, for all the reasons I stated before.

After Henriam explain everything, it just confuses and hurts him more.

But why would Jake hide this from him? Wasn't he his best friend? Why is he apologising to those freaks, but not him?!

It must be that Hailey girl, she is the one fucking with his head.

He'll confront her. He'll expose her for the fraud she is, and then Jake wi-

(Look please bear with me on this part ik the drake up is a meme now but please let us try to treat it seriously for once)

"Back off, Drew"

Jake chose the freaks. Jake is defending them.

"The club is what I care about- MY FRIENDS!"

His friends?? What was he??

This...this was all for Daisy wasn't it?

What passion was he talking about?!

He never told them anything!!

Why would he hide Zoey's cheating from him!?

Wasn't he his best friend?!

Was he lying to them this whole time..?

"You're right. Drew, Henry, Liam, I'm sorry,"

He is sorry. Drew didn't bother listening to the rest. It was basically confirming what he'd already concluded.

Jake lied to him.

They all did.

"I'm sorry"

Those words were meaningless.

Sorry, sorry, sorry, that's what they all said!

Accepting this apology would make him seem weak.

Allowing Jake to abandon him would make him weak.

Breaking down crying would make him weak.

Apologising, when he'd done absolutely nothing wrong in his own eyes, would make him weak.

And if there is one thing Drew hated more than anything else, it is appearing weak.

Appearing vulnerable, letting people take advantage of him like all of his friends and his girlfriend did.

"I'm done with you,"

Drew walked away without making eye contact with anybody. He didn't even look to see if Henry and Liam were following him, and he frankly didn't care.

They were all assholes anyways.

They all used him.

Nobody mattered to him anymore. He was fine before meeting them, he'd definitely be fine without them, right?

Drew was leaving them all behind, he'd cut them out.

He would be better off without them.

Conclusion/Closing Thoughts:

I must admit, this did turn fanfic-y midway and it is not the most well-put together, I was really rushing to finish this.

A lot of what I am describing here is my subjective opinion and what I percieve ad Drew's P.O.V, not the objective facts.

Another confession I must make is that most of what is here is just me projecting a few months of therapy sessions onto Drew. My therapist dissected a lot of internal issues with me naturally, and they served to help me understand myself better and realize how much of my own issues applied on Drew aswell.

As I progress with my therapy and learn more about my own baggage, I might be able to remove the biased lens that I am seeing Drew through and might write a more well-constructed and objective analysis of him in the near future.

For now, however, this is all I have. Hope you liked it!! Happy late-birthday to Drewy Bear, and have a great day/night everybody!!!

[manonblaqkbeak]

Scaling in the Moonlight

Hello everyone!!! Long time no see!!! It's been eleven months!!!!! since I last wrote anything. I hated the fact that I missed last years rowaelin month and was determined to write something for this years rowaelin month (and a special thank you to @goddess-aelin for her lovely note saying she missed my work <3)

And thanks to the lovely people that run rowaelin month!!! you are all amazing!!! @rowaelinscourt

Apologies in advance if my writing and grammar and characterisation is a little rusty, like I said, it's been eleven months since I last wrote anything and I'm slowly getting through my ToG re-read (which has really opened my eyes to how traumatised Aelin is as a person/character).

Words: 800+. CW: none, I don't think.

Day 18- Aelin and Rowan's hawk form.

It was two AM and Aelin was out, wondering the dark city streets of Orynth, looking for the right building.

Instead of using the castle's obstacle course like most sane people would, Aelin decided that she needed to do this the way she was trained too—by scaling the side of buildings, using every muscle in her body to pull herself up to reach the top of the building, to run across the rooftops to get closer to her target.

She needed the reminder that she could—and that she hadn't lost her edge.

Although, she was sure she had lost it. She did still train, from magic to weapons to hand-to-hand combat, she did whichever she was in the mood for with what free time she had, but as Queen and mother to five children, she had no need to scale buildings and jump from rooftop to rooftop.

So she had decided, as she ate her dinner with her family, she was going to relive her past life; if only for a couple of hours.

Aelin walked through one more street before she found a good starting point—a shoe store that she did frequent with Rowan and their children. It was two storeys tall and she knew that no one occupied the apartment above the shop so no one would see her.

Hopefully no one would hear her either.

Stretching before climbing, Aelin told herself that it would be fine. She had given birth to five children, all without pain relieving herbs, she could—would—scale this building with ease.

Finding her footing was easy enough, so Aelin started her trek—and thankfully didn't fall off, although she did slid time a few times and had to grit her teeth to stop her cursing from echoing around town.

The burning in her muscles took her back to how she used to be, how she used to be able to demand any contract and fat coin purse she desired.

She didn't miss that life, not at all, but it was part of who she was and she was not ashamed of it.

Taking one last gulping breath, Aelin hoisted herself over the roofs ledge and let the accomplishment rush through her.

So determined she was in proving herself that she could still do this, she hadn't been aware that she had a follower.

A follower that now clicked his beak at her.

Aelin's head snapped upwards, taking in her mate's large hawk-form as he perched on the chimney.

“You were asleep when I left,” was all Aelin could think of to say.

Rowan clicked his beak again, as if to say And now I'm awake.

“Clearly,” Aelin said, “how'd I go from your end?”

She waited for him to shift back but he didn't. He wasn't mad at her, she knew that much, but she didn't want anyone to see her talking to her mate like this—it felt too intimate to be like this in public, but after two decades together, Aelin could converse with Rowan in his hawk form as easily as she could talk to him in his Fae form.

Rowan didn't say anything but flew to the building next to her. He clicked his beak. You can climb well enough, let's see how you can jump.

Aelin moved to the ledge, looking down to the ground, if she didn't make it, she wouldn't die, but she'd probably be bruised all over.

She looked at Rowan, who was waiting patiently. “Will you nurse me back to health if I fall?” she asked, batting her eyelashes at her husband, who rolled his eyes.

“That better be a yes,” she said and moved back to take a running jump.

Gods, if she fell, she'd never get over the embarrassment.

Aelin ran and jumped—and just made it. She hit her chin hard enough that when she made it over the ledge of the building, she laid down and stared at the open night sky.

A flash of light brighter than the moon came and went, and then there was Rowan, taking her in.

“Fireheart,” he said, his voice deep and concerned. “Are you alright?”

“I'm fine,” Aelin said, her chin sore but she would live. She eyed her mate up and down, however, and said, “But I would still appreciate being nursed back to health—especially if you take your shirt off.”

Rowan rolled his eyes again, but obliged her, his shirt coming off in one easy movement that had her contemplate making a sixth baby.

“Where does it hurt, milady?” her king-consort asked, his rough fingers moving across her collarbone.

“Here,” she said, pointing to her chin, and soon she was better, especially as she chased Rowan around in his hawk form, easily jumping from roof to roof as the hours went by.

[blue-blues-world]

MK1 Jonshi Drabble - Starbies AU

A/N: whaddup jonshi nation (☆▽☆) i was planning on writing fully organized, chronological, well-thought out chapters taking place in the mk starbies universe, but i’m giving y’all this instead. this takes place in the MKSU, but it’s only loosely referenced so no prior reading required, but you’re welcome to read it if you’d like, you only need to scroll a bit on my page to find it. Apologies in advance for my rusty writing skills. This one ends on a bit on a tense note, but rest assured I am planning on writing more. With all that being said, hope y’all enjoy :D

————————————————————————

This was a horrible idea.

Kenshi began changing his shirt, tuggging it off from his head and revealing his toned body and the several tattoos he’d acquired over the years, the band of his boxers peeking out from the top of his jeans.

Johnny shifted uncomfortably, turning his head to focus on the inside of the locker where he caught a glimpse of his face in the mirror installed onto the inside of the locker door. His face was scarlet red, from his chest up to his ears.

Johnny briefly panicked, before mentally sighing in relief when he remembered that Kenshi isn’t able to see his face, allowing him to regain some composure.

‘Whose bright fucking idea was it to go to the gym with this guy?’ he thought, before Kenshi began to undoing his jeans. Johnny began to get the urge to slam his head between the locker and its door.

‘Me, it was my bright fucking idea.’

He thought it would be good for both him and Kenshi to spend time outside of their brief banter at their local Starbucks. He could use some time at the gym and Kenshi needed a gym buddy to spot him. Despite everything that had happened between them, he missed Kenshi, and he had a feeling Kenshi missed him too. It seemed like a great idea at the time, but now? Not so much.

It wasn’t like Johnny was new to the realm of gay thoughts, but the idea of actually being gay was beyond Johnny, and a notion that he would shut down at any given opportunity. Those kinds of thoughts were just a normal thing that happened every now and then, especially when you’re young and figuring yourself out.

But Johnny wasn’t some young kid trying to find himself anymore. He was a father and an ex-husband now, and the more he looked at himself in the mirror, the more he noticed the years catching up to him. His temples were graying and his wrinkles were becoming to appear more obvious. Fuck, he was starting to look like his dad.

He turned to Kenshi, who by now was almost fully dressed, save for a shirt which he was sliding over his head, and he looked like he had stepped out of a Calvin Klein editorial. Johnny cursed his perfect body, his nice hair, and his inability to age.

Yeah, no, this was a lot more than just thoughts now.

He thought back to their college years, before Kenshi had all his tattoos and became blind and before Johnny got Sonya pregnant and became a washed-up child actor past his prime.

And before Johnny cut Kenshi out of his life.

Kenshi’s voice cuts his thoughts short.

“Johnny? Are you ready to go or..?”

“Y-yeah, yeah, I am. Just had to admire this sexy face for a bit, shame you can’t see it anymore.”

Kenshi let out an amused breath. “We should get going, yeah?”

“Yeah, let’s go.”

As they walked out to the gym, Johnny looked around the rows of machines and weights.

“So, uh, what’re you planning to do today?” He asks

“Usually I lift weights…uh, whenever I can, but today I was hoping to work on legs, you?”

Johnny was caught off guard. He hasn’t been to the gym since his acting days, but he didn’t want Kenshi to know that.

Why doesn’t he want him to know that?

“Uh…yeah I was, uh, planning on hitting legs too. Gotta keep a balance, y’know?” Johnny said awkwardly. Kenshi’s reply had an equal amount of grace.

“Y-yeah, definitely.” He said as he began to walk over to one of the leg presses. Johnny walked over and grabbed Kenshi by the back of his shirt.

“Woah, woah, you don’t come here all the time, right? Don’t just go running off like that, you don’t have your cane and Sento’s not here to help you, you could run into someone.”

Kenshi froze, and seemed at a loss for words before stuttering out a quiet thanks. Johnny let out a disgruntled huff before grabbing Kenshi by the forearm.

“Here, I’ll help you.”

Johnny guided a stiff Kenshi over to one of the leg press machines.

“Here you go, it’s just about a half step in front of you.”

Kenshi lets out a chuckle.

“Careful, don’t wanna leave Sento out of a job.”

Johnny rolled his eyes and sat down at the pull-down bar next to him.

“Haha, very funny, get on the machine.”

Once they started on their exercises, conversation began to be easy again. They talked about Sento and his service dog training, about Cassie, and about a new screenplay Johnny had just greenlit.

“So you’ve given up on acting, like, completely?” Kenshi asked

“Yeah…it’s just not my time anymore. I wasn’t getting roles as much as I used to and then I had Cassie, so I called it quits. Happens to everyone at some point.”

“You can always start again, though, no?”

“I mean, I could but it’s just not my priority anymore. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss it, but I think being out of the spotlight’s done me some good.”

“Well let me know if you ever change your mind. We could always get the band back together.”

Johnny let out a loud cackle.

“God no, sounds awful. I’d rather dress up as Elmo and take photos with people on Hollywood Boulevard.”

They laughed together.

Johnny thought back to their music days, with their over the top eyeliner, studded belts, and edgy clothes. Johnny forced the other members to dress that way, it was at a time where he was desperate to toughen up his image and break away from the sweet little boy the world remembered him as, but the look always suited Kenshi better. Now that he thinks about it, the black muscle band tee Kenshi was wearing looked strikingly similar to the one Johnny lent him in his college years.

“By the way, is that my old shirt?”

Kenshi chuckled.

“Yeah, surprised you still recognize it without all the safety pins.”

Well, he was surprised that Kenshi could still fit into it. Last time Johnny wore that thing, he was a couple inches shorter and few sizes smaller. He suddenly got the urge to hit the tread mill.

“I’m surprised you still have it. It’s definitely seen better days.”

The band logo on the front was faded and peeling, the edges where Johnny had cut off the sleeves with craft scissors in a pre-show haste were fraying, and the holes where the safety pins used to be were growing larger and larger from years of washing. Kenshi’s brows furrowed as he fell quiet in a contemplative silence.

“I couldn’t bring myself to throw it away.”

Johnny fell silent as well.

He expected this to happen eventually. The elephant in the room could only stay quiet for so long. He stopped pulling the arm bar down, and tried to find the right words.

“Listen, Ken, I’m-“

They both froze. Johnny used to call him Ken all the time in college, and never did again since that night. A small pause came between them before Kenshi gave him a smile. Johnny hated that kind of smile. The pained but forgiving one he gave him the first time they spoke again.

“You don’t need to apologize. That was years ago.”

Johnny let out an flustered sigh.

“I don’t care. You needed me a-and I freaked out and I said shit I shouldn’t have-“

Kenshi sighed and turned his head in his direction.

“Johnny, it was the early 90s and AIDS was all over the news, you reacted the way most people would’ve at the time.”

Johnny pursed his lips. That wasn’t why he reacted the way he did, and coming to terms with that was something Johnny had been avoiding for years. He wanted Kenshi’s forgiveness so badly, yet, now that the air between them was less tense, he felt even shittier.

“I should’ve been better.”

‘I should’ve been more honest with you.’

“Does that matter anymore? You’re here now, no?”

‘Yeah, two whole ass decades later,’

But he wasn’t going to keep goading Kenshi into forgiving him time and time again.

“…Yeah, guess I am.”

They continued their workouts in silence, only speaking to ask what workout the other wanted to do next.

Yeah, this was a horrible idea.

[idk6123]

The White Heron Ball (Dimitri X Male Reader)

“Professor, I beg of you. Please, do not choose me as our house representative. I am utterly serious.” And that’s when the problem started. “What?! Curse you, professor. I will of course accept but know that you have damned us all.”

And so, after the event, an official Blue Lions meeting has been started. Inside of the classroom, the entire original group are all standing around to figure out what to do with the dreading situation.

“I just can’t believe it. I begged to the professor, and yet they choose me. Why?”

“They probably wanted to be humored.” Felix coldly says.

Ingrid looks besides her with a glare. “Not now Felix. This is serious.”

“It’s just a ball.” Felix merely responds. “Just do it and lose. Who cares?”

“This isn’t just about the ball. This is about our pride.” Ashe corrects him.

“He’s right. If he loses, that will look bad on us.” Sylvain agrees.

“My apologies in advance.” Dimitri apologetically says.

“No need to apologize.” Dedue assures. “We’re in the same boat, so we must share the burden.”

“You say that, but we aren’t the ones on the dancefloor.” Annette looks unsure at the retainer.

“Even so, we can offer our support.” Mercedes positively smiles.

 “Mercedes is right.” Dimitri feels a bit more secured thanks to everyone’s support, well, everyone except Felix. “Perhaps with some dedicated training, there is going to be a chance I can win. I just need to learn how to dance.”

There is a silence in the room, as everyone looks awkwardly stiff.

“I’m sorry my lord, but if I knew this would happen, I certainly learn how to dance.” Dedue says.

“I was always more interested to learn how to fight.” Ingrid admits.

“I can try, but I doubt it would be much help.” Mercedes says with a frown.

Dimitri sighs. “I guess nobody knows how to dance.”

“I do.” Everyone eyes lay on Y/N. “My parents always love to throw balls. I basically grew up with them.”

“You do?” Dimitri looks amazed. “Do you think you can teach me?”

“Of course. Know that since we have only less than 2 weeks, you’re technique will be… clunky.”

“I just have to accept that.” Dimitri is quick to scoff that aside. “So? When do you think we can train?”

“How about now?”

-

In the courtyard, Dimitri is awkwardly looking around as Y/N begins his first lessons as a dance teacher.

“You will be leading, which is I usually do, so please excuse me if I get confused.” He walks over to Dimitri, right in front of him, making Dimitri a bit flustered. “With your right hand, you grab mine. While on at the left hand, grab my hip.”

“You’re hip?” Dimitri looks a bit gasp but doesn’t complain. With silence, he merely does what Y/N instructed.

“You need to hold me tightly. Imagine how tightly you grab your lance.”

“A-Alright.” Dimitri mutters. Holding Y/N tighter, they get to basic pose.

“This is the base. As long as you hold me like this, everything else falls into place. First though, we’re doing the basics.” Y/N says. “Now, follow my movement.”

And so, Dimitri carefully follows Y/N’s instructions. His eyes keep looking on the ground. Both because he wants to his movement, and he doesn’t want to see his partner’s eyes. It starts out slowly, with the prince carefully moving. However, as he repeats the moves, he goes a bit faster and faster. After several minutes, the two take a break.

“And? Did I do good?”

“You were good as a beginner.” Y/N complements him. “You were a bit rusty, but we work on that.” From behind Dimitri, Y/N sees the other teachers, as well the students that Dimitri is going to compete with. “Oh no.”

“What is wrong?”

“I didn’t consider your opponents…”

Dimitri turns around and instantly gets what he’s worried about. At the Golden Deer, being led by Hanneman, is Hilda, one of the most charming person in the school. To make things worse is at the Black Eagles, being teach by Manuela herself, is no other than the songstress Dorothea. Both girls definitely have more experience with this, whether it's dancing, or looking mesmerizing.

“I’m going to lose. Aren’t I?”

“Don’t say that yet.” Y/N wants to motivate him, though he knows the chances of him winning is very low.

“I’m competing against an opera songstress and one of the most charming girls in the school.” Dimitri says with a frown.

Y/N sighs. “Fine. Yes, we’re screwed, but we still need to try. Imagine this is a battlefield. You see multiple strong opponents. What would you do?”

“I fight. The least I could do is give it a shot.” Dimitri then looks a bit happier. “I have to say, I still have my doubts, but I shouldn’t give up. Please Y/N, teach me further.”

“That’s the spirit!”

-

Days has passed. Every day, Dimitri takes time to practice his technique with Y/N. First starting with the basics, and later keep adding one thing to refine his movement. That leads them to the White Heron Cup. Every student is in the large hall, all awaiting for their house to participate and win. In one corner, the Blue Lions await anxiously, especially their leader.

“You got this. I just know you’re going to win.”

“Thanks Mercedes. I give it my all, but I feel like I’m outmatch.” Dimitri was pretty confident in his ability until the day actually came. That’s when he began to feel nervous.

“At least you know that. But there is no shame with losing to these gorgeous girls.” Sylvain casually comments.

“I think Sylvain was trying to say, even if you lose, we’re still proud of you.” Ingrid corrects her friend.

“Just remember the technique.” Y/N reminds the blonde lord. “If it helps, imagine you’re dancing with me.”

“That just sound wrong.” Sylvain chuckles. “…Or right depending on his highness.”

“What does that supposed to mean?” Dimitri looks a bit flabbergasted.

Before Sylvain could clarify, their teacher walks up to the group. “It’s time. Good luck, Dimitri.”

“Yes. Thank you.”

As everyone stand at the side, the three participants head to the center. Alongside them are the judges, Alios, Shamir and Manuela. Along the three students, Dimitri looks the most nervous. It doesn’t help that Dorothea merely looks like this is her casual day and Hilda just smirking happily. After the announcement, featuring Alios, the crowd cheers for the three students.

“Very well… BEGIN!”

With elegant music playing in the background, the three students begin gracefully move around. Surprisingly, Dimitri isn’t butchering his technique, which surprises his classmates. He blends in with the two girls pretty well. However, even though he’s doing good, doesn’t mean he outdid the likes of Dorothea and Hilda. Still, they don’t know what the judges think. Though for Dimitri, he doesn’t think about it. He merely thinks of holding Y/N in his arms, as he carefully moves his body around.

Minutes has passed, and the music stops and the bell rings. “TIME! That’s all, folks!” Alios announces. Thus, the three students stand still in front of the judges. All three awaits until they hear the result. Like minutes ago, Dorothea and Hilda still look confident, while Dimitri still looks nervous.

“Splendid! All three of you were fantastic! Now, let’s hear what the judges have to say…”

“Oh my, let’s see. I suppose I have no choice but to vote for… The Black Eagle House. Your performance was… exhilarating. My heart is still beating a mile a minute.”

“C’mon. At least give us one vote.” Annette begs back in the background.

“That vote was just rigged.” Sylvain is quick to conclude. “She’s in her house, AND they worked together.”

“Shh!” Ingrid shushed him. “They’re going to say the next person.”

“I vote for…” The room awaits for Shamir to give her vote. “The Blue Lions House. You were the most original.”

“Yes!” Ashe happily cheers. “At least we got one.”

“Great feedback, both of you! Well then, let’s see… Factoring my own humble opinion… Yes! We have a winner! And I will announce who it is… right now! Without any delay! The winner of this year’s White Heron Cup is…” With the surprise of the entire room, the winner gets announced. “The Blue Lion House.”

As the entire room claps for the winner, Dimitri merely looks confused. “I won? There must be some mistake…”

-

From that day, the students gave Dimitri an odd look, because they keep thinking how the prince only skilled in the battlefield could win in a dance competition. Days has passed since that day, and the prince still can’t believe he managed to win. The ball started, with about everyone at the event. In the middle of the room is the dancefloor, while those who just wanted to do something fun standing at the side.

“I can’t believe every girl rejected me.” Sylvain stands with his childhood friends as he complains about the event. “Am I losing my charm?”

“You didn’t had any in the first place.” Felix is quick to insult him.

“You know, I’m glad they rejected you.” Ingrid says with honesty. “You just toss them at the side when you’re done with them.”

“I take it none of you are going to dance, huh?” Y/N asks.

“Not a chance in the world.” Felix says.

“I wasn’t asked.” Ingrid responds.

“Oh.” Sylvain looks surprised. “I didn’t expect that. If you don’t mind, we can dance.”

Ingrid is quick to glare at him, thinking he’s up with something again. “And here I thought out of all girls, you wouldn’t treat me like-”

“Hey! Hey!” Sylvain quickly calms her down. “I meant as a friend.”

“Oh, yeah? Would you dance with Felix?”

“Sure. Why not?” Sylvain says with issue. He looks back at the frowning swordsman.

“No.”

 Y/N laughs at the interaction. From his side, he sees Dimitri walking to them to join them. “Hello Dimitri. Everything going well?”

“Well, after my victory, girls are quiet interested with dancing with me.” Dimitri answers.

Sylvain looks disappointed. “Damnit. Why didn’t the professor picked me?”

Dimitri merely chuckles. “Anyway, it appears now I have some time alone. Ironically, I wanted to ask Y/N to dance?”

“You do?” Y/N is a bit surprised.

“Of course.” Dimitri gives his hand to Y/N. “It would be an honor to dance with you.”

Y/N smiles at the other smiling man. “I could say the same about you too.”

With that, Dimitri leads his friend to the dancefloor, where the prince leads his dance partner as they move around. In the background, the three childhood friends watch them.

“I didn’t expect Dimitri to ask him.”

Sylvain chuckles. “I do.”

“Hm?” Ingrid looks back at her friend. “What do you mean?”

“Well, I think after all those privet lessons Dimitri became interested in Y/N.”

“Romantically you mean?” Ingrid then looks back at the prince. “Huh. We never had two kings before. Still, Y/N is responsible and kind, so if he would be the future king, I wouldn’t mind.”

“And he’s far saner then the boar.” Felix adds.

Sylvain hums. “Well, whoever Dimitri is going to end up with, let’s hope it’s someone like Y/N.”

[phyriaxi]

Another ask separate from my rq, are there any artists or other influences that have inspired your art that you'd like to share?

ohh boy, this is definitely a question I can ramble about (apologies in advance for the long text!!)

Short Answer (a list of lasting artistic influences):

Movies/animanga: How to Train Your Dragon, Avatar (not ATLA, sorry) , Evangelion, Pinch Point (by VLANCAT), Land of the Lustrous, Tower of God, CSM, Tokyo Ghoul, 86 EIGHTY-SIX

Games: Arknights, Cytus II (rip art team..), Honkai Impact 3rd, Destiny 2

artists/illustrators/animators: Shilin, Ishida Sui, yasutatsu, WOOMA, par0llel, suzumesakiii, Dino_illus, liduke, ligton1225, Curie Lu, 96yottea, many many others... I could write nearly every Arknights illustrator as well and still not be satisfied ..

Music: classical music, Ado, KIVA, Eve (the MVs..!), i think i need to stop listing things now because it'll never end

Long Answer (rambling):

when it comes to art, i am definitely inspired by other visual artists, but i am also very inspired by the world around me as well as creators of other types of media. i'm extremely lucky to have grown up in a lively, diverse city with a wonderfully creative family, so the art and music of my family and environment plays a large part in my artistic preferences!! Something I have really wanted to integrate more deeply into my art is the contrast between new and old, grungy and refined... it reflects a lot of the conflicts that make up what I consider to be "me." Also, I just really like the vibe of chaotic industrial zones and rusty metal combined with a shining city in the distance, lol.

Regarding particularly influential media: pretty much anyone who's taken a glance at my blog will know immediately that Arknights is one of my biggest influences. it's basically all i draw nowadays... whenever I'm not thinking about Responsibilities and Adult Life i'm usually thinking about either Arknights or Ado (<3).

before Arknights, I spent a long time drawing fanart and fan-characters inspired by How to Train Your Dragon. Both the visual and musical aspects of that series still have a very dear place in my heart, even if I don't engage much with the community anymore. I actually only really started drawing not-dragons about 3 or 4 years ago at this point. Something I have been thinking about a lot recently is how I can go back to drawing more creatures alongside my humanoid subjects, since it's not something I've done very much recently.

Gradually I began to find more friends in the art community, and I think I'm very influenced by those people as well! It isn't a competition, of course, but being around people who are also pushing to improve is a big motivator when I am feeling low on passion. "I want to stand together with them at the top of world one day", is how I often feel. I really want to work on a collaborative project with other artists someday as well. Trying to build my skill is partially because I want to better express my ideas, but also because I want to inspire and be inspired by other creators. :D I think my art has been evolving at a pretty good pace recently because of these motivators.. the friends and regulars (including you, burstfoot!!) that visit my blog regularly here really motivate me too!!

and lastly, I'm at a point in my life where I feel that if I can't get this art thing off the ground, I will probably have to give up on pursuing it properly soon... so it's partially desperation that is inspiring me to change and try new ways of expression as well :,]

[ thank you for the ask!! ]

[beevean]

🌹🌹🌹

Adrian shifts the sword until it’s in front of the quill and bottle of ink on his desk. The reflection is still blurry, and that won’t do, he won’t be satisfied until the blade can be used as a makeshift mirror.

(Not by him. He lifts the bottle an inch off the desk: according to the sword, it has started to levitate on its own. While he can handle it without harm, it must be imbued with too much holy power to recognize Adrian’s existence. He figures the reason Mother never introduced him to her parents.)

The pungent smell of polishing oil has invaded the entire workplace and Adrian’s nostrils, and it looks like he has spilled more of it on his gloves than on the sword he was meant to clean. With a huff, Adrian sets himself to continue his task, when a couple of knocks catch him by surprise – and then, a surge of happiness.

More than that sound, he would recognize that heartbeat anywhere.

After carefully setting the sword and removing the dirty gloves, Adrian springs to his feet to welcome Hector, after what seems to have been years: and his brother steps inside the room and wraps his arms around Adrian, pulling him close without hesitation, carrying with him the warmth of his smile… and the stench of sweat and blasphemy.

“You reek of sulfur,” are the first words that come out of Adrian’s curled lip. It is not the politest of greetings, he is aware: he does not need Hector’s frown or his arms falling dejectedly on his sides. It simply is hard to ignore.

“I Forged until I could no longer feel my fingers to buy myself some time,” Hector retorts, smoothing his uniform without need. “I apologize for my state, but I… I felt the need to see you. That is all.”

It is exactly how Adrian had been feeling, but hearing it from Hector, with such candid honesty, can’t help but touch him deeply. He’s at loss to express the swelling of fondness in his chest, so he sets for fixing Hector’s collar, again without need.

Hector opens his mouth, but whatever he was going to say is lost when he peers over Adrian’s shoulder, attracted by something. “Am I interrupting you?”

Oh, it must be a peculiar sight, having a sword resting on a common desk. “No, it’s nothing urgent. I was simply doing something I had been procrastinating on for too long.”

“If you need help with weapons, I can help you…”

“You just said that you overworked yourself to the point of exhaustion only to visit me.”

Not loading even more responsibilities on Hector’s shoulders was only one of the reasons he did not think to ask him for help. That is his Mother’s sword, a rusty sword that he dared not touch ever since it was brought to him along with a shield and armor. He did not even know Mother was in possession of such regalia. Adrian may not know the most advanced spells to take care of delicate weapon, but it would not be right to delegate the job to any smith or even a trusted Devil Forgemaster: he can’t avoid his heirloom for the rest of his existence.

Even if his only accomplishment so far has been soaking himself in polish oil.

[hargreevesrp]

Looking for someone who RP Five Hargreeves for me

I have no idea how tumblr works but maybe I get lucky and find someone-

Hi! (: Apologies in advance for being a bit socially awkward. I'm 25+, She/They looking for someone at least 18+ but I'd prefer 21+ My first rp I wrote about 15 years ago and kept doing so for a lot of years until i took a break. Now I'd love to restart my old favorite hobby, since I might be a bit rusty I am open to feedback. I'd also like to add that english is not my first language so I apologize for any mistakes I might do.

Currently I am searching for Five Hargreeves X female OC Just recently I fell in love with the umbrella academy and Five in particular. Would love to write an OC of mine with someone who would write Five for me. Open to a lot of ideas and plots but I would want to write some sort of love story. I hope we could also write outside of the rp, discussing ideas or possible plot.

Anyone who is interested can either dm me here or on discord [ yerihargreeves ]

[goshen-applecrumbledore]

(apologies in advance if this ask is overly personal or presumptuous or anything else along those lines. i do not wish to make assumptions or project onto your work and process, this is a clumsy, grammatically poor attempt at appreciation that i am feverishly typing while waiting for my train home)

despite being fandom...aligned(?) for well over a decade, i've never been able to enjoy fanfiction the way many seem to do. i'm not really a big Shipper, at least not in a "i want my faves to fuck and get married and be endgame" way. if anything i've always gravitated towards messy gay unspoken divorce between dependent freaks who were never even married in the first place. right person wrong time or whatever tumblr would consider that hybrid of vulnerable possession and rehearsed disgust.

back in 2020, i was losing my mind over not being able to read any books that i hadn't already committed to memory, so i opened ao3 for the first time since high school and stumbled across your Yakuza fics and read them all in one sitting. reading your fics and your interpretation of kazumaji (and daigo's entanglement with that) almost brought me to tears at 3:00 am on a monday morning. it was the first time i saw someone represent their relationship in a way that made sense to me, in a way that felt *real*.

flash forward a bit later and i am overjoyed to see your Venture Bros fic, falling in love with your interpretation of brock/rusty just like i did with kazumaji (i have this fic downloaded, i revisit it at least once a month and think of it an embarrassing amount).

and just now, i finished reading both of your fics for The Bear. once again-- loving your interpretation of them as well. and also somehow only now seeing you have a tumblr.

this is all a very insufferably drawn out way to say that i truly adore your writing in every aspect! specifically, the way you write sex is nothing short of beautiful. it's a display of communication, something teetering between impulse and years of planning-- wholly vulnerable and oftentimes sickeningly selfish. an act that exposes your core in a way so specific to its nature that you can devour someone and still look them in the eyes afterwards and deny you even care. i adore your use of time during these scenes as well. physically, fucking (generally) doesn't take that long, but there's a mental battle of trying to stay in your body to commit every touch to memory when your head is floating off to think of every conversation, every glance, *everything* that led to that moment.

i was only able to read the preview chapter of a yakuza original book you had linked in the notes of one of the Yakuza fics and i believe it has since been removed, but i'll be waiting for whatever book you write in the future. patiently and with all the love a reader can possess <3

hello! wow this is all so incredibly kind, thank you. I don't even know what to say. I like my yakuza fics a lot, I'm glad they still hold up. and that venture bros fic is somehow one of my favourite things I've written, not sure why.

your paragraph about writing sex is so eloquent that I'm like, bashful over it lol. that is very much what I'm trying to get at- vulnerable, selfish, devouring. getting stuck in your head or checking out. I don't think I always nail it, but it's great to hear that I do sometimes. I'm never totally confident in my sex scenes especially.

that book is not for sale anymore, it's something I came up with when I was young and self-published it and I don't sell anymore. it was about a gang of goons in a city in ontario that I don't think I explicitly say is thunder bay. it does have a goodreads page, which I'm thrilled by but which obviously SUPER over-rates it cause it's got gay content that tumblrinas love. it was not a good book. my next one will be good and real. thank you for your enthusiasm

[nerieae]

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Please forgive how sloppy this blog looks currently -- it's been actual years since I last tried engaging in rp here on tumblr! So I apologize in advance for how rusty I am.

Hi! My name is Astrid; 28y/o; and recent victim of the LoZ franchise. As of now, I've only consumed media from BoTW and ToTK, so those games will be the majority of my source material when it comes to referencing "canon" events.

I am interested in researching the other games in the series! I do, however, work full time so that means little time for things like joy /hj.

Anyway- this is my way of proving I'm a real (awkward) person! If you'd be at all interested in interacting with a Gerudo OC that is heavily headcanon based, and written by a ✨ feminist ✨ (AKA someone who believes the Gerudo should be more than just wanna-be brides?? Hello?) then please like this post! Or reach out.

I also write on discord!