#I can’t function properly because of this john

[thinwhitedoc]

SHERLOCK | Martin Freeman as John Watson

[saturnn127]

couldn’t make it any harder | LJN smau

pt. 18: broke sugar daddy wc: 2.3k, not proofread see masterlist for warnings and details :)

“can i be the first to say i told you so?” johnny tossed his head over his shoulder to give her a smug look, and yn’s eyes dropped into a glare. “no, you aren’t the first," her voice dropped a few octaves, "don’t know which i should be more mad about." she moved to lean into the counter behind her while crossing her arms. “well i was probably the first to catch on. c’mon, i basically raised you and jae, my intuition goes crazy when it comes to you both,” he added, giving her another quick look before going back to shuffling through some files.

“whatever. just don’t tell anyone else, especially not yuno. that’s a whole other problem that i don’t want to deal with.” the shorter girl cringed as she thought about the hellish reaction she’d be faced with if her brother found out. “i won’t, but only because i don’t feel like dealing with that either,” johnny replied before moving to plop down in a chair. “he’d probably die of a heart attack.”

yn groaned and tossed her head back with her eyes shut. “fuck do i hope these feelings go away soon. i can’t even function properly anymore, it’s all i think about.” johnny peered at her with a raised brow, “the crush? or him?” his voice came out sing-song like, and the stance of his brows changed into a wiggle. she dropped her head back down with her piercing glare set on her older friend, “i will skin you alive, don’t test me suh.”

the muscular male simply grinned before slapping the file on his desk. “i’m sure you will. anyways, i gotta take this to the back. mind manning the front for me?” yn raised her hand in a wave of dismissal, moving to lift herself on to the large counter. “while i normally don’t work for free, i’m also quite charitable to the needy.” johnny just laughed his usual way, head tossed back and smile lines gracing his features. he gave her one last ‘sure, okay’ before spinning to make way for the office located on the opposite end of the building.

the gym was slowly beginning to empty as it reached later into the afternoon. the usual 7 pm rush having passed as the sun was now almost setting completely. yn had stopped by to inform (complain) and discuss (vent) the latest development in her love life to johnny as soon as her last class let out, and had been hanging around while the male worked. it was normal for her to do so, and john’s uncle had even joked about hiring her part time.

minutes passed, and the girl was beginning to grow bored while waiting for johnny to come back. every pen and trinket had been picked up and examined by her, and her phone was dryer than her attitude. the only notifications she had were from pinterest and tiktok, no doubt ten spamming her with whatever dumbassery he found funny enough to terrorize her with.

just as she was about to get up and go look for johnny herself, yn heard the barely audible buzz and lock mechanism of the gym entrance. the huff that left the man who was now entering the space was recognizable; yn didn’t know whether she should be impressed at her ability or ashamed. “oh, yn? you work here?” voiced the exhausted -and absolutely drenched with sweat- lee jeno.

yn almost didn’t catch his words, too preoccupied with trying to not be obvious in the way she was admiring the sight of him in such a state. “if you mean taking over for a friend while he takes his sweet ass time elsewhere, then yes. but not formally,” she replied sarcastically, pretending her ogling of him was a signature up-and-down look of hers. jeno, having seen that expression on her face multiple times before, was none the wiser. he simply smiled and invited himself closer to her.

“johnny, right?” the question was simple, but the slight dig behind it made yn know he wanted her to tell him more. “yeah. his uncle owns the gym, so johnny’s been working management since he graduated. i offer free labor in exchange of distracting his employees.” yn smirked at the boy in front of her, feigning her usual confidence as johnnys voice rang in her ears (“fake it ‘til you make it”)

jeno hummed, his lips pressing together in the smile that usually graces them. “cool.” he held eye contact with her the entire approach, and yn had to swallow down her composure. the silence remained once he set down his gym bag on the tiles beside her feet, and he leaned forward to rest his elbows against the half circle desk she was perched on. she adjusted her position to be able to comfortably view him, and tilted her head at him.

the silence lingered between them uncomfortably, at least for yn. jeno seemed perfectly content just looking at her with those stupid doe eyes of his. it seems that now some sort of “friendship” (if you would call wtv they have that) had been established between them, he was perfectly comfortable ogling her right in front of her. yn, however, was less than comfortable. in fact, she was beginning to go insane. “so, do you usually work out here? or did you “just happen be here?”

jeno, who apparently found everything she said funny, laughed before responding. “i’ve been a frequent since the gym on campus was taken over by the athletic department. apparently it’s blasphemy to work out at the same time as them.” he sighed, his head drooping down in a way that was oddly reminiscent of a pouting puppy. “which is bs, since i was working out there long before they were.” he added, using his eyebrows to show his annoyance.

“that’s fucked. can’t you complain or some shit?” he immediately scoffed, and yn realized it was the first time she’d seen that much emotion from him. he was usually playing out the same love struck expression that could rival one from a kid’s movie. fuck, why does her chest hurt now? “yn?”

yn looked up at the sound of her name and met jeno’s puzzled gaze. “huh?” she asked, then realized that he had been talking while she was too busy staring at his stupid (-ly cute) face. before jeno could think too much into it, though, the man of the hour decided to finally reappear. “oh hey, it’s jeno, right?” johnny asked, pointing at him in the typical johnny way and with a weird expression that yn couldn’t recognize.

“uh, yeah. and you’re johnny.” jeno chuckled, though the slight fear in his voice was obvious (alongside the slightly confused and very nervous expression he was wearing). “the one and only. nice to meet you, man.” johnny stuck his hand out towards jeno, who took longer than a few seconds to take it. “oh yeah, you too.” the younger male replied once he recovered from whatever emotions he was having. yn’s eyes darted between the two in their awkward exchange, giving a heavy side eye to johnny.

‘we’re so talking about that later’ she silently communicated to him, and the smirk he displayed told yn that her message was received. “anyways, i’m gonna bounce. you can take that chipotle and shove it up your fat ass,” yn said as she scooted off the counter. “omg, you think my ass is fat?” johnny pretended to gush at her comment, making a show of turning to look back at his ass.

“the only thing fat about you is that damn ego of yours, now fuck off.” yn leaned over to pick her bag up from the floor and hung it off her shoulder. “you love me.” johnny leaned over the counter to pretend to swoon, and yn raised her hand to push his face away. “i would sign you into a mental institution, but i fear they wouldn’t know what to do with you,” yn glared at her friend, but johnny simply smiled wider.

“i’m just that special. text me when you get home, and don’t forget to take jae off your priv before you slip up,” johnny chided, lazily waving his fingers as she rounded the corner of the desk. “yeah, whatever,” came her response, and she set her eyes on jeno, who was gathering his own things. “i gotta get going, too. i’ll walk you out?” he said, though it came off more as a question than a statement.

“is it walking me out if you are also leaving?” she teased, but raised her finger in a ‘come hither’ motion. jeno took the question seriously, and struggled to come up with an answer. at his silence, yn turned and just about melted at the puzzled expression he had on. “i was joking, jeno,” she clarified, and couldn’t help the slight smile that threatened her lips.

“oh.” his mouth formed a ‘o’ shape, and he simply smiled back before swerving around her to open the door. “i got it,” he assured her, and followed behind once she passed. “are you always this nice, or do i get special treatment?” yn glanced over at him, and he just shrugged while pretending to think about it.

“both?” he offered, and the girl hummed in response. she wanted to keep the conversation rolling, but couldn’t seem to find anything else to say. everything she came up with just felt weird, like it wasn’t something she would actually say. ‘jesus, having a crush sucks.’ she thought, moving her gaze down to her feet.

“did you walk here?” jeno’s voice cut through the silence, and yn was brought out of her thoughts by his abrupt stop. “huh? oh, yeah i did,” she responded, turning to look at him. “you?” “nah, i drove.” yn hummed in response, her eyes moving to dart between the street ahead of them and the parking lot to the right. “well, i-“ she started, but jeno had also spoken at the same time. “would-“

he trailed off as the two met in a tangle of syllables, a shy blush growing on his pale skin. “sorry,” he apologized sheepishly, a hand coming up to rub at his neck. “no, it’s okay. what were you saying?” yn asked, trying to ignore just how pretty he looked when he flushed. ‘seriously, how an i just now noticing him?’

“i was going to ask if you would want a ride back,” he started, and he studied her face for any hostility, “so you won’t have to walk back by yourself.” “oh, it’s not that long of a walk, to be honest. i wouldn’t want to be a bother.” yn tried to ignore her mind screaming at her to shut the fuck up and take the opportunity to spend more time with jeno, because who would want to do that? definitely not yn. yup, totally not.

“you could never be a bother, plus, we’re both going to the same place basically.” jeno looked at her like she personally offended his entire bloodline for even considering that she could bother him, and he wanted nothing more than to erase those thoughts from her mind. after all, he’d do anything for her, no matter how absurd the task may be.

yn wanted to find an excuse to say no. being trapped in a car with the guy she’s crushing on who also happens to have been crushing on her for their entire uni career? yeah that sounds like the last place she wanted to be. except it wasn’t. she actually really wanted to say yes, but the anxiety that was flooding her stomach reminded her why it was a bad idea.

“i don’t know,” she trailed off, her nails beginning to pick at the skin around her fingers. jeno’s face held a mix of concern and nervousness of his own. he didn’t want to make her uncomfortable, but he also really wanted to convince her. he knew she had a hard time opening up to people, especially men, but did she think he was going to harm her?

“if it makes you uncomfortable i understand,” he added, taking a step back to increase the space between them. yn’s wandering eyes snapped to his, and jeno was taken aback by the intensity behind them. “you don’t make me uncomfortable, jeno.” her voice came out harsher than intended, and yn only realized that after she saw the slight flinch the boy gave. “i don’t?” he asked, and yn shook her head.

he was a little confused. ‘if she’s not uncomfortable then…’ realization flashed across jeno’s face, and he quickly gathered himself. “well, let me drive you home then. i promise i’m a safe driver,” jeno smiled at her, and yn couldn’t help but give him a smile of her own. she couldn’t help it, his determined face was just too cute.

“okay fine, but only because you look way to excited about it. i might be a bitch, but i’m not the type to steal candy from kids.” yn began to walk in the direction of the parking lot, not wanting to show any signs of weakness towards the wide grin she received. jeno was over the moon, basically in another dimension where everything was sunshine and rainbows. he watched her trailing figure with a dopey lovesick expression, gladly accepting the newest development in their little… idk, whatever they have going on.

“do you even know where you’re going?” he called after her, moving to catch up to her once he snapped out of his trance. “…no, but that won’t stop me from figuring it out somehow,” yn yelled back stubbornly, and jeno giggled to himself. where others saw her intimidating front, he saw right through it. seeing her like that was exactly what kept him falling deeper.

“you passed it a few rows ago, by the way.” “and you’re barely telling me that now?” “oops?”

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a/n: …guess who’s back. me 🤩 i’m so sorry for disappearing on you guys, it wasn’t intentional i promise 😞 i was finishing up the semester and those finals were kicking my ass. also, don’t procrastinate like i did a do an entire semesters worth of work in one week… idk how i did it. but i got straight a’s, so who’s really winning 🤪 also i’m going to note it here that updates may be getting a little slower. i’m doing a summer internship, aka a big girl job, and i won’t be as free as before. but i’m trying guys dw. i also have another smau in the making, but i plan to finish this one first before posting anything. ty guys for the support, even if i don’t deserve it for ghosting 🩷🩷🩷

taglist! comment and ill add you to it <3: @kukkurookkoo @nosungluv @hoeingthefuckup @dilflover44 @alwayswonbinning @jaellymint @n0hyuck @mwrsi @awktwurtle @haechology @tyongspice1 @t-102 @lvsdoyo @jae-n0 @ne0sgotmyback @neozon3nha (if i couldn’t tag, i’m sorry 😞)

[obessedwithfictionalmen]

Never felt so...

John Egan X Reader

Summary: John's letter to his girlfriend...

Warning: Sad/ talk about death/ kissing./ crying/

Word count: 800 words.

Dear Y/n,

My darling I miss you so much, I’ve been in this camp for so long now, I’ve lost track of time. Recently, I’ve been thinking about my life a lot. That German officer said something that got stuck in my mind. He said that you’re going to remember the last time you’ve never felt so, and he got cut off by a gun shot. I’ve been thinking about the time I never felt so loved in my life. A moment comes to my mind, it was the night before I got shipped away. We danced together all night and the way you looked at me is still stuck in my mind. I think about it constantly. That’s the night I knew that all the love songs were about you. It’s true what they say: Distance makes you love harder. Because I love you so much. You will forever be my always. When I think about that night, I know that I’ve never felt so loved.

Yours, Bucky.

-

His cheeks were hurting from smiling this much. Dancing with her was the best thing in the hole world. She was beautiful, like art. Her laugh filled his ears, it was the best sound he ever heard. ‘’I’ll miss you so much’’ she whispered in his ear. He trapped her in a hug as they looked around the room, they were the last one, the band were the only people left in the room. ‘’Why are you whispering, darling?’’ he asked her. ‘’Because I’m afraid that if I speak too loudly, you’ll forget what I said. You tend to listen more when I whisper’’ she smiles. John smiled even more. ‘’John, like breathing, loving you is the most natural feeling I’ve ever known. You’re my person’’ she said against his lips. When their lips touched, it felt like home. Their soul found their home. John Egan never loved anyone more than he loved her, and he’d never felt so loved before.

Dear Y/n,

I just had another moment thinking about the quote from the German prick. It was when I learned that Buck ‘died’ in that moment, in that red cabin in London, I’ve never felt so low. You know what he means to me, but to learn that he went down was a punch to the stomach. We thought we were invincible, so to know that he went down was like watching the superhero lose a fight. So that’s the moment where, I’ve never felt so low. I love you my dear.

Yours, Bucky.

-

All alone in that telephone box, breathing the pain away. His brain couldn’t understand what just happened. How could Gale Cleven go down? It wasn’t real, it couldn’t be. It was a trick to get him back on the base. Buck was alive, he was going to be waiting for him at the base. His brain couldn’t function properly, John didn’t want to believe the fact that his best friend was dead. He was in pure denial, he can’t die. Bucky felt like he was being punched in the stomach, he was out of breath. All of his happy thoughts with his friend went through his mind. He couldn’t be dead, but is he was the Germans were going to regret it. He never felt so low before.

Dear Y/n,

I’m sorry that this paper is filled with tears. I’m so alone. I never felt so alone. I don’t even know if this letter will come to you. I’m currently in a German prison, I got captured and I’m alone in my cell. I’m alone. I’m going crazy, I’ve been gone for far too long, I forgot the sound of your voice. I’m crying because I’m tired, because I miss you, because my best friend is dead and I’m crying because I’m alone. I don’t know who I’m going to be when I come home, but I’m not going to be the man you knew. All alone, in this cell, I don’t know how long I can hold on, I’ll fight for you; to get back to you. But it’s so hard… I’ve never felt so alone…

-

He’d been crying for a while. The letter was in his coat pocket, he wanted to send it to her, but he didn’t know when. Looking around, he noticed the drawings on the walls. All the men that were there before him had draw on the wall, so he decided to do the same, he took out his pocketknife and started to draw on the wall. He drew two people hugging each other, he drew inside one of the people. For him, it was Y/n and him. When he finished, he looked at his art, crying again. He’d never felt so…

[therealsaintscully]

Different anon here, but I liked what you said about Paul and autism a lot.

I'm autistic (relatively high functioning, but also I have pretty much no friends so idk) and have a brother who was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome who reminds me a LOT of Paul, just with his mannerisms and inability to let anything go lol. But yeah it's not something that can be diagnosed by observation, so it's just not something I'm willing to say he has.

I kinda want to chew my arm off a little bit when people say George is autistic, even though they're usually just joking or being glib, because they seem to be 'diagnosing' him based off a really cutesy view of autism... autism isn't just having interests and being stubborn, I'm afraid. (Not saying he doesn't have it, just saying that if he does, it's pretty minor or he hides it well.) I feel bad reacting so badly, because I really think they mean well... but yeah, it kinda gets under my skin a bit. And sometimes I see people who do that go on to diagnose Paul with NPD (which ESPECIALLY can't be diagnosed by observation) and it's like 'OH that's what you actually think of people like my brother who can't socially regulate well. you think he just doesn't care about anything other than himself. cool.'

Thank you, anon — I was honestly a little nervous about the previous ask because I didn’t want to accidentally hurt anyone’s feelings.

There’s a reason I prefaced it by saying that people often diagnose in hindsight. It’s something I’ve only started noticing more in recent years, especially in online spaces. Like, twenty years ago when Britney Spears shaved her head and was clearly going through a mental health crisis, most of the world tore her apart. It was brutal.

It took me a long time to realize how little awareness there even was about mental health back then—especially when it came to women. Looking back now, I can’t believe it didn’t even occur to me at the time that she might’ve been in serious pain. (I was in my early twenties then, and I'm ashamed to say I was quite critical of her as a reader of online rags.)

It's stunning to me that even today, when awareness to things like neurodivergence is quite high, they're still being used carelessly.

Maybe John did have borderline personality disorder. Maybe he didn’t. Unless he was properly diagnosed, we’ll never really know.

It’s also totally possible that Paul and George were both neurodivergent kids who found each other and built a creative, stabilizing bond. Maybe they weren't, though.

Or that John, Paul, George (and later Ringo)—four really unique people—just happened to find each other and create something way bigger than the sum of their parts.

I don’t spend a lot of time wondering who might’ve been neurodivergent or not—not because I don’t care or dismissive of it, but because I’m not neurodivergent myself and I don't feel comfortable dissecting those aspects of their personalities. So I tend to focus more on the parts of their personalities I, myself, can relate to, whether ND or not: loneliness, heartbreak, the prosaic stretches of their lives that sat quietly beside all the Shakespearean drama. I totally understand why people do want to explore those angles though, especially when it’s done with care. What I do side-eye is when it’s treated flippantly or used as a punchline, just like you. That’s where I draw the line. It's so easy to at least try, in good faith, to educate yourself. Or if you can't be bothered, keep your mouth shut.

(And FWIW, I’ll be exploring John with a border line personality diagnosis a bit in a future mclennon fic—but I promise I’m being thoughtful with it.)

[if-rambling]

My mc for “The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes”

Name: Anthony “Sherlock” Holmes

Pronouns: He/him

Orientation: Gay

Build: Chiseled

Attractiveness: very attractive since I like playing pretty mc’s

Romancing: John Watson

Vice: Risk taking

Good With: speed and strength

Bad With: sciences and technologies

Anthony is very friendly and tries to be as helpful as possible. He mainly likes his job because he’s able to go to new places and meet new people. He’s also often shocked when people recognize him

One thing he likes about himself is his eyes and one thing he doesn’t like is the dark under eyes. I’m not too sure how good a job I did with that in the picrew. Also it can’t be shown in the picrew but let it be known he has an ample backside

He just wants to be friends with Gregory but after the incident I think Anthony will try to interact with him as little as possible or just be all work with him

He got the red rose but hamish I’ll be real with you. you don’t have a chance my guy

He tends to mask or hide how upset he is at times but he tries not to with Watson. He’s pretty oblivious about how he feels about Watson but he does know he wants Watson all to himself and he’s admitted to it.

Truly Anthony believes as long as Watson stays by his side he’ll be fine. Also the scene where Watson comforts Sherlock after telling him about the interaction with Gregory was amazing. I may be aromantic but it’s so much fun to read romance stories.

Kinda feel bad for anyone who has to deal with Anthony and Watson because Anthony is so oblivious to his own feelings but won’t shut up about how he always needs Watson there to function properly and gets distracted by Watson so easily

When Anthony gets upset he just shuts down says as little as possible and tries to leave the scene as fast as possible then he’ll just mask to try to hide how upset he truly is until he’s either alone or if he’s with Watson

He likes birds very much and named his bird “pearl” he wanted to name her Watson but wasn’t allowed to

He may be pretty oblivious but he’s very experienced because of his desire for knowledge

Quick fuck you to the guy who dumped Anthony after he got bored with him

Also I believe for the ball I want with a peacock suit. It was between peacock and Zeus but felt drawn to peacock since Anthony likes birds

Again I may be aromantic but I truly do enjoy romance stories and this game has been such a good one. The customization, characters, and story are so good. I am interested in seeing more of the mystery since mystery genres are also another favorite of mine. I think I replayed this game about 3-4 times now or so. I have a couple save slots to replay my favorite scenes

The picrew I used for Anthony

[jinkieswouldyoulookatthis]

Interested in your thoughts on this? It occurred to me that while Sam and Dean both value having the other one’s trust, Sam seems to be the one who entwines trust with love (to the point where they’re basically the same thing) whereas I think Dean separates them out. Basically, Sam needs Dean to both love him and trust him, but if he thinks Dean doesn’t trust him (or trust him enough) then he thinks that means Dean no longer loves him (or doesn’t love him *enough*, because Sam expects, needs and demands extreme and excessive amounts of love from Dean Winchester.) Whereas for Dean, love and trust do go together, but I’d say they’re separable in his eyes. There are times when he loses trust in Sam, but he never stops *loving* Sam. Sam just sometimes interprets this loss of trust as having lost some or all of Dean’s love because of Sam’s own perspective of trust being inseparable from love. Dean also, while wanting and valuing Sam’s trust in him, doesn’t *need* Sam to trust him the way Sam needs that from Dean. I think there’s more evidence for this when Sam loses trust in Dean over the Gadreel possession in Season 9 (which I think is arguably the only time that he actually properly loses trust in his brother) and tells Dean he doesn’t want to be brothers right now. Trust and love are so inexorably connected that he if he loses trust in Dean, he feels like he can’t see Dean as his brother. Contrast this to the end of Season Four, where Dean, angry and hurt over Sam going off with Ruby, phoned him to tell him that “we’re still brothers and that doesn’t change.” Now I think that really and truly, deep down, Sam didn’t *really* mean it when he told Dean they were no longer brothers. It’s clear that he never stopped loving Dean even when he himself lost trust in Dean. But, in the moment, and on the surface, he *felt* like he believed he couldn’t see Dean as a brother because of his conflation of trust with love.

Very interesting points. For the most part I agree, although I think, as always, it's a bit more complicated.

Dean's love of Sam is an absolute for Dean. He cannot conceive of a scenario where he doesn't love his brother. And that's at least in part because Sam is Dean's primary and sometimes sole focus in life. Sam is Dean's function, his reason for being, to look out for, protect, and keep Sam safe. So loving Sam is not optional in Dean's world. But yeah, trust can be lost or gained, but doesn't change the immutable fact that Dean loves Sam.

Dean is bound up in responsibility though, and as the big brother, he feels like he is ultimately responsible for Sam. So he struggles with letting Sam make his own choices when Dean believes those choices may somehow harm Sam. In Dean's mind and heart, he is more responsible for Sam than Sam is for himself, and that impacts the trust between them.

I think that Sam always loves Dean, again, I do not think that there has ever been a time when Sam stopped loving his brother. But I do agree that trust is much more of an issue for Sam. Sam grew up being kept in the dark and excluded from knowing about his own life or being able to actively participate in it. This was the core of why he kept running away. He already felt like there was something different and corrupt in himself, and then to have John and Dean keep him so isolated from everything, even as he grew older and more capable, fed that self-doubt and sense of ostracization. But especially once Dean came and got him from Stanford, Sam was trying to prove to Dean that he was more than just a baby brother who needed protecting or watching over. He wanted Dean to trust him and rely on him and to feel protected by him, just as much as Sam felt from Dean. Sam wanted the relationship to be even, to be seen as equal in his brother's eyes.

The Gadreel thing hurt Sam, and rightly so, it was a massive betrayal of trust. So while Sam was still working on processing it all, he lashed out at Dean in the only way that he thought might actually get through his brother's thick skull. Because Sam knows that them being brothers is the pinnacle of everything for Dean. That relationship, their relationship, Sam being his little brother specifically, is the only thing that really matters in Dean's life (other than the car ofc). So he took that relationship away from Dean for a while, withheld his status as 'Brother' in an effort to get Dean to see how badly he overstepped and hurt Sam. The problem was that even though Dean did feel terrible about betraying Sam's trust in such an egregious way, he would have done the exact same thing again in the same circumstances. Because there was never the option of letting Sam die, not for Dean, not if there was literally anything at all that he could do to stop it.

But I think that it's not really until the end of season 10, when Sam knelt in absolute faith and love and trust at Dean's feet and closed his eyes as Dean asked, putting his life entirely in Dean's hands, that Sam finally accepted that they would never be completely even and was finally okay with that. Because I am certain that Sam, in his vast capacity for faith, had faith that Dean would never kill him, that Dean would always choose him over everyone and anyone else, but giving into that faith and finally just not fighting it anymore, was sort of the end of Sam's struggle with the whole trust/love issue. And sure there were a few more hiccups after that, but they were a much more closely bonded pair after it too. Because Sam, at that point, finally accepted his role in Dean's mind as 'Baby Brother.' Sam found peace with that and realized that it didn't represent a lack of trust or even an imbalance of power (Sam has so much power over Dean it's crazy) but that accepting their roles the way that Dean saw them was the key to securing Dean's trust.

And I wrote all that out and now hope it makes sense, lol.

[rust-bearer]

Back with more by unpopular demand! I’ve got… drumroll… nicknames and bedroom arrangements!! This is really really long, but feel free to skim any boring parts.

Okay, with that comes my interpretation of ages thus far, totally open to criticism or disagreement but this is what I’ve got (no actually ages because 🧠 is not that far ahead)

Brawl/Onslaught: oldest, second oldest? Are they twins? No, maybe not, I don’t get those vibes. Okay I’m stuck, it’s either Brawl=oldest and Onslaught=second oldest or vice versa. After that you’ve got Blast Off in the very middle. Second youngest is Vortex, the youngest being Swindle. Anyway, now that that’s out of the picture, I’ve got some nicknames that are really crappy but stick in my head:

Brawl is just Brawl. Sorry dude 😞 sometimes, if he’s lucky, Vortex will lovingly refer to him as farmer-John or even “Dad” with an eye-roll, but that doesn’t happen all too often.

Onslaught is “chef”

Uhhhh Blast Off is either “B/Bee” or nerd, which is what Vortex not-so affectionately calls him

Vortex is, of course, Tex

Swindle is Swindy! This is just Vortex though, and Swindle gets so pissed when Tex calls him this, which means it just happens twice as often.

I don’t have a WHOLE lot for bedroom situations, but there’s some there, so… as expected, post-apocalypse, First Aid has his own room in which he houses the children he’s collected. Every so often a few will camp out on the couch with Brawl (Brawl sleeps on the couch and lets National Geographic reruns play for white noise in the background), but they usually just pile around like little slugs inside their sleeping bags. First Aid sleeps by the door just in case.

Swindle, as expected, DOES NOT SHARE A BED OR BEDROOM WITH ANYONE, HE PAYED FOR THIS FUCKING EXCUSE FOR A MANSION THANK YOU VERY MUCH, AND HE WILL BE GETTING HIS OWN BEDROOM BECAUSE OF IT. He didn’t actually pay for it, tax evasion did, but that’s not something he’s open to debating.

As mentioned before, Brawl sleeps on the couch. Blast Off transformed a little office/computer room into his own mini nook, and he’s completed it with a trundle bed that has collapsible bins underneath it. I dunno how to explain specifics, he’s just like “this is my office, my lounge room, AND my bedroom! :-D” and he’s very happy with the arrangement. Onslaught probably sleeps on a pull-out cot somewhere in the house, maybe in the living room by the door so he can keep an ear out for anything suspicious and be right there should something go wrong (like zombie infiltration, trespassers, etc etc)

I realize I haven’t explained a sleeping situation for Vortex, but like… man, he just sleeps wherever the fuck he wants. He doesn’t really have a designated bed, so to speak, and the original arrangement was probably for him to share a room with Swindle but that went out the window and he can’t share with Blast Off because there’s literally no room, so what’s he supposed to do??? Who knows, he barely sleeps as it is, so he just crashes wherever is most convenient.

This Vortex characterization is chefs kiss. It’s a miracle that he functions at all. Maybe he has a hammock somewhere he insists is the best sleeping spot.

I still don’t know the setting I’m going for but in some cases they’d probably have roll out Japanese style futons to use as beds in some cases. Or you have air mattresses, or Murphy beds, or couch style futons, or bunk beds- really the possibilities go on and on. I imagine building bunk style beds would be easy, but getting the mattresses would be a huge pain in the ass; I mean, moving a mattress today is a pain, imagine moving it in an apocalypse.

The Combaticons like to larp as farmers but I wonder if any of them know how to actually can foods. They have the resources to do it, but do any of them actually know the proper knowledge? I can see someone like First Aid lecturing them about botulism- not that he knows how to properly can either, but he knows the consequences of it.

Just for the heck of it, I’m gonna imagine Soundwave is the one maintaining the city’s internet based infrastructure.

[adelaidedrubman]

Jessie and Jacob Jenna and John

:) 💜

THANK YOU LICI FOR SENDING SORRY FOR THE LONG ASS ANSWER BUT in brief. for better or for worse, probably the seed they have the strongest mutual sense of “damn, i kinda don’t care” for both of my girlies. somehow despite a gender/sexuality incompatibility jenna and john actually somewhat more likely to work than jestiny and jacob. elaboration on that below cut.

jenna is a lesbian so johnship doa on a sexual and romantic level but i’ve said before and stand by it in another time and place they could have had a very functional quid pro quo lavender marriage for convenient cover as they do get along in a very impersonal and businesslike manner in their established canon. jenna is very skilled at disengaging from conflict with a stiff professionalism so she’s good at neutralizing john tantrums and switching him back into composed façade mode without any real emotional labor on her part and john hasn’t the patience to keep trying to goad reactions from jenna when she’s technically being fully accommodating and polite so he quickly gives up at any kind of deeper emotional understanding and adopts a “well as long as things keep running properly” attitude of disinterest towards her. so perhaps in another world jenna lives in a home with a well manicured lawn and a white picket fence with her “husband” who is always either at work or out on long fishing trips with his buddies (never seen the group of guys he goes with but i think i heard one of them is named jesse?) as men do. shame he doesn’t spend enough time with his wife but suppose it’s good he was kind enough to let his spinster sister move in with them so she has some company. always see them working in the garden together or having tea out on the lanai they seem to get along quite well. family values are so important.

meanwhile jestiny and jacob destined to fail because jestiny can’t fucking stand guys who make the fact they go hunting their entire personality or performative tough guys or bootlickers. hypocrites also.

but more seriously they are just. maximally disinterested in each other. jestiny’s primary thoughts on jacob are that he’s a “boring, whiney ass loser” and jestiny would rather feel almost any other feeling on earth than bored. she is extremely irritated by him (not in the turned on way she’s very clearly capable of) because he doesn’t engage with her every provocation or indulge her antics he won’t even fucking “yes, and” her during her live from the torture cages comedy routine he’s no fucking fun. she needs a live one on the line as they say, a partner who’s a little more spirited and reactive. which brings us to jacob’s part of being supremely unamused by her antics frankly her whole senseless destruction just to entertain herself and willingness to die on every hill she comes across if it proves a petty point in a funny way thing only serves to aggravate his whole hopeless feeling like he’s lived without a purpose and will die without a purpose thing. something something the two types of nihilism “nothing in life matters 😔” vs. “nothing in life matters 🤪”

if i picture them trying to go on a date fr the only thing i can think about is that one bit from parks and rec

^jacobjestiny in a nutshell

[alexsoenomel]

In The Air Tonight (Sub!Dean Winchester x Reader smut)

Summary: You like Dean but you are too shy to tell him until one night...

Pairing: Dean x Reader 

Warnings: sexy times with  Dean, teasing and bj :)

Word count: 1782

Note: Wrote it in the first person, it’s an old one. Like/ reblog or both if you like it :)

You know when your crush is so intense you find yourself not being able to function properly? Well, that’s how I felt every freaking day for the past 10 years ever since I started working with The Winchesters. After my parents died in an “unexplainable” fire (like their mother did) I had nowhere to go. I was 17 and hunting was still new to me. My parents never wanted me to live this life, we kind of got dragged into it by vengeance after we found out my aunt was murdered by a nest of vampires. After that hunt, there was another and another until we stopped counting and accepted our new life. At times it was exciting the adrenaline and traveling but other times I felt like giving it up. It was a love-hate relationship. My father told me if anything bad happens to them, to just call John (old friend of his), he will help. And after the fire I did, only to be greeted by Dean’s voice and the sentence “John is dead”. They took me in and the rest was history. After a while they learned that they could trust me and eventually I became family.

After few years of hunting with them I became quite skilled and found myself looking at the older Winchester more than usual. In fact at times I couldn’t stop staring. There was something so mesmerizing about him and his whole being I couldn’t put my finger on it. I don’t know if it was because of his piercing green eyes, his charm, and humor or overall just his heart, but I was head over heels for that dude. I managed to hide it at first, from him and from Sam, but I knew it wouldn’t last. My face was like an open book, you could read me easily. That’s how Sam found out.

One night after a hunt Dean came out of the bathroom in just his towel around his waist (Yeah…) to the library for whatever reason. Sam and I were deep in the books because we couldn’t sleep. When I saw him my cheeks went completely red and I refused to look at him until he went to his room.

“Oh no…” Sam then came to a conclusion not whipping a huge ass grin off his face.

“Oh no what Sam?” I tried to play along.

“Oh no you have a crush.”

I gave him a typical harsh NO for an answer. I was lying my ass off and Sam could see right through it.

“Liar.”

And after denying it for like two minutes I finally gave up. “Okay fine I like him.”

“Since when?”

“Don’t know.” I mumbled. “You can’t tell him Sam.”

“Oh I won’t he will find out soon enough.” He laughed.

“What do you mean?”

“(Y/N) when he walked in you were red as a beet and practically drooling.”

“Hmm, good point.”

After that we never spoke about it again. I pretended like everything was fine and normal, but we all know how that shit always fails. And it did thankfully one night after me and Dean went to the bar we would always go after a successful hunt. Sam said he would go take a walk to the bunker saying he wanted some me time. I knew he just wanted me to spill my feelings to his older brother. Well after two glasses of whiskey I almost did. We talked about childhood, good and bad times, confessed stuff that was on our minds in that moment…We had a pretty good time. When clock hit 2am we knew it was probably best to go and get some rest. We were both tipsy but Dean was still capable to drive. When he finally pulled up in front of the bunker and as I was about to unbuckle my seatbelt when…

“Wait!”

“Yeah?” As I turned to look at him he leaned in and kissed me. I was taken aback for a second before I kissed him back. It was like swallowing something sweet with lots of alcohol. I undid my seatbelt and leaned in slamming him against his seat before moving on his lap. I could barely fit but I managed somehow. We stayed like this for a while; kissing and groping each other like a couple of teenagers before breaking the kiss to finally face each other.

“Well then…” I broke the ice not really knowing what to say. He brushed his thumb against my cheek not taking his gorgeous eyes off me.

“Yeah one word, wow.”

“Did you know I would kiss you back? Was I that obvious?” I asked him remembering Sam’s words.

“Yes and no.”

“How though?”

“I just felt like there was something more between us. I can’t explain it.”

“There was something in the air tonight, huh?” I remembered that song my dad used to play in the car while traveling.

Dean smiled because he caught my reference. Phil Collins never gets old.  “Yeah you could say that.”

“Since when?”

“Since when what?”

“Since when you see me more than a friend?”

“It has been so long at this point I don’t even know.”

“Same here.” I cupped his head with my hands and kissed him, this time hungrily telling him exactly what he wanted to hear. Now that secret was out, we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. We barely made it to his room without waking Sam up. We pushed each other against the car, front door and hallway walls until we finally reached Dean’s bedroom. I was pretty sure we will end up with bruises tomorrow.  I slammed the door shut and locked it just in case Sam wakes up.

I kissed Dean as I pushed him against the door making him gasp. When I couldn’t breathe anymore I broke away and started unbuttoning his flannel.

“Jesus (Y/N) what has gotten into you?” Dean smirked.

“I think you know my answer.” I responded. “You.”

Taking off his flannel I pulled him by his belt telling him to follow me to his bed and that was exactly what he did. He sat down and like a puppy watched as I undressed myself scanning every inch of me. I liked the attention he was giving me which was strange because I would usually shy away whenever he would look at me. Leaving only underwear on I sat on his lap and kissed him again as I slowly moved my lips on his jaw then on kiss neck leaving bite marks in the process. There was just something I liked about biting.

His hands were on my hips and as I started to grind his grip tightened. I could already feel how hard he really was.

“Are you actually trying to kill me?” He said almost out of breath.

“Kinda.” I smirked pushing him onto the mattress.

“How are you so…?”

“What?” I asked him undoing his belt. “Dominant?”

“Yes, that. And you’re always so shy.”

Taking off his pants I laughed and gave him the answer he wanted. “Shy girls are always full of surprises, Dean.”

“So far, I’m loving this surprise.”

“Good to know.” I climbed on top of him feeling his hard dick teasing me through my underwear. I started slow, kissing his lips, neck and going lower as his breathing became more apparent. He was slowly losing his mind and I loved it. When I reached his boxers I didn’t want to take them off right away. Instead I kissed the skin around where the hem was, licking ever so slightly just to drive him mad. I was succeeding because he was groaning and begging me to do something.

“Please.” Was music to my ears. I loved the control I had.

“Shhh don’t let Sam hear you!”

“Then stop torturing me.”

“Okay, okay.” I took off his boxers finally setting him free and stroked him a couple of times before licking his shaft slowly. A light moan escaped from his lips as I started to lick the tip of his long dick not breaking eye contact. He was on cloud nine as I took him whole and started to move my head up and down. My pace was slow at first but when he grabbed a chunk of my hair and started pulling me down I knew he wanted more. I decided to be good to give him just that.

“Jesus (Y/N).”

I felt his dick hitting the back of my throat with each and every move before he told me he was close and I stopped.

“Why?” He asked frustrated.

“Not yet.” I just winked at him. I took the bra and panties off before I let him touch me.

“You’re brutal.” He said trailing his fingers over my hips and stomach.  

“And you’re wonderful Dean Winchester.” I said positioning myself on top of him and slowly sat down. He was big but felt so freaking good. “Fuck.”

Slowly I started to move as my mind went on him. I was enjoying the sight beneath me and he sure as hell was enjoying his. We were both moaning each other’s names desperately trying not to get loud and wake up Sam. The bed was squeaking as I sped up my pace seeing he was slowly falling apart. His grip on my hips hurt, but I liked it. It was a different kind of pain.  

“Are you close?” I managed to ask him between breaths.

“Y-yeah.”

“Look at me Dean.”

“W-what?” Poor guy was so lost in me he didn’t hear what I said.

“I said, I want you to look at me when you cum.” I said locking my hands with his. “I wanna see you fall apart.”

“Jesus (Y/N).”

My pace became faster and faster and I could feel my orgasm approaching. I was falling apart just like him and I think he could see it.

Finally, and quite unexpectedly I came and few seconds later so did he. My body was stiff; waves of pleasure went through my whole body as I was moaning his name over and over again. Him, on the other hand, was clenching my hips with eyes shut, biting his lower lip not wanting to be too loud. I finally collapsed next to him covered in sweat and panting.

“Wow!” He said.

“Not bad for our first time, huh?” I asked him feeling proud. I just made Dean Winchester fall apart under me.

“Best sex I had, hands down.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I still can’t believe you’re like that.”

“Oh you haven’t seen anything yet.” I said and kissed him. “I really like you, Dean.”

“I like you too, (Y/N).”

[kickingitwithkirk]

Winchester's Folly

Summary: When Dean gets into trouble John decides to hide the truth for his family

Word Count: 759

Warnings: A/B/O, subjugation, pandemic, mentions of nudity, leering, mention of collaring/leashed, sexual/slavery, rut/heat, physical altercation, murder conviction, parental dominance

*Additional warnings will be added

*Dark! Fic-don't continue if you are disturbed by the subject matter.

Square filled: @spnabobingo - Alpha Challenging Alpha

A/N: Each part follows in sequence

*Divider by @firefly-graphics

*No Beta-all mistakes are mine

Part II

“I need one under 18.” 

Sam’s head snapped up in shock..that wasn’t the plan. The Omega was to be older than Dean, preferably one that had been sold before, making them cheaper to purchase.

“Dad, why are you wanting..” 

John cut him off with a low growl provoking Sam’s inner wolf to reciprocate, neither noticing Helms studying their interaction with interest. 

Alpha Winchester can’t completely control this beauty like the other one..the boss will be pleased to learn about these developments. 

“House O would normally do as your eldests property on paper,” Helms interrupts, “but I know this judge, they will not be satisfied with that alone.”  Both Winchesters have matching, confused expressions and before John can ask what that meant he continues, “so I have to take into account your packs unusual dynamics, a Pack Omega, while as scarce as Phoenix ash, would be perfect but alas, there’s your social standing.” 

Sam snorted. It wasn’t the first time someone brought up their social standing, not so sly code for being a dirt poor pack. “The best option will be a Feral. Lucky for you, we have a fair selection of resales, this way gentlemen,” he leads them deeper into the building.

Deans his wolf whines watching his pack move farther into the building while all he could do was stand there as ordered to and observe these unfortunate creatures being bartered over like the livestock society considered them. His sire knew it would eat at his ingrained, perpetual guilt and was part of the penitence he had to endure it because, once vexed, John Winchester never forgave or forgot.

Sam's wolf was getting more restive the longer they were in this den of iniquity. 

He couldn’t see Dean from where they were study’s the O who’s caught his sires' interest instinctively knew she was all wrong started vocalizing his displeasure without realizing it.

 “What’s your problem now?” John barked at him.

“These O’s are your type sir,” Sam replied with his usual bluntness that made John's jaw clench, grudgingly reflecting on his youngests observation.

As Dominant Alpha of his pack it was ultimately his decision regarding how they functioned, including matings, internally cringed remembering an inadvertent confession he’d made awhile back.

It was a typical night.

Sam was sitting at the rental kitchen table finishing up some calculus homework while John lay sprawled on a couch between drunk and passed out drunk. 

He started talking about the House O’s, how Mary wanted to get one when they found out she was pregnant with Sam, saying that Dean was a handful to deal with and, as an Alpha herself, didn’t possess the natural instincts to properly care for multiple pups and he could pretend to be happy with his pack, she knew all the times he’d left was renting out one.

The purchase never happened.

Sam’s skin felt uncomfortable finding out the mother he never knew, the one his brother practically worshiped, tried purchasing one. Then John started drunkenly lauding the pleasurable attributes of O’s have, and as his details became more graphic Sam grabbed Dean's CD player, pumpin up the volume and continued working even though they would be leaving soon. 

When John passes out, Sam shoved the books into his backpack and went to the shared bedroom retrieves his cobbled-together, black market laptop Dean secretly got him and fired it up, researching this century’s history concerning O’s, learning of twisted truths and obscure provisions in the Hibbins Procurement Act the government schools purposefully omitted bolted to the toilet.

Dean came rolling later finds the laptop on the bed immediately starts worrying. His brother never left it out when their dad was around, catches a wif of sick and finds him laying on the bath floor thinks he’s picked up an illness fusses like always, tucking him into bed and stays up rest the night keeping an eye on him.

Sam knew the only reason John wanted him near was an additional jab at Dean, to emphasize his failures. Fuck, he hated their sire using him to guilt Dean whenever he displeased him.

Surveying the area for hidden trouble Sam grabbed his chest feeling his inner wolf hurl itself against its cage of skin and bones then frantically pacing around growling home home home in his mind flicks an eye towards his sire, who hadn’t noticed his reaction, too distracted by another O Helms is talking up. 

Following its instincts, he slowly backs towards the door marked private that someone left ajar and slips through unnoticed.

Part III

SPN TAGS: @donnaintx  @lyarr24  @flamencodiva  @b3autyfuldisast3r  @lassie-bird @nancymcl  @spnbaby-67  @leigh70

Sam/Jared: @idreamofplaid

Dean/Jensen: @thoughts-and-funnies @stoneyggirl2 @akshi8278 @beabutterfly987 @smoothdogsgirl @siospins2

Sam/Jared:  @idreamofplaid Dean/Jensen:  @thoughts-and-funnies  @stoneyggirl2  @akshi8278  @beabutterfly987 @smoothdogsgirl  @siospins2

[gumnut-logic]

I’d like to wish every member of the Thunderfam a happy new year and to thank you all for your amazing support and kindness throughout the last year and beyond.

I could never have created so much without all your encouragement. This fandom is special and it is you who make it that way ::massive group hug::

I’ve left this too late and my brain isn’t functioning properly. So I won’t name names, but there are some extra special members of this group, and you know who you are ::extra special hugs::

Here have a fic I wrote at this time of the year the first new year I passed through in this wonderful fandom.

-o-o-o-

Ten...the match caught and flickered in the breeze. She caught it, wrapping it with her hands, nursing it to the candle, and letting out a breath as flared into life.

Module Four hit the surface of the North Pacific Ocean and immediately started rolling in the swell. Thunderbird Two’s heavy-duty spotlights tracked it as it was tossed about.

“Gordon, you okay?”

“Riding it out. Though I have to say, I’m glad I didn’t over indulge at dinner.” Virgil watched as all the module indicators flicked to green. “We are go for module deployment.”

“Make it fast. That swell is unpredictable.” He would have preferred to have lowered TB4 using the grapples, but the wind gusts were more problematic than the swell. As if to reassure him of his decision, TB2 was suddenly swiped sideways. He compensated hurriedly, bringing her back to stability, her lights once again training on the module. It was the better of two poor choices.

The undersea habitat didn’t have a choice, so here they were, in the pitch dark of the last hour of the year, attempting to fish more scientists out of the deep.

The weather was not cooperating.

Gordon lowered the ramp, and with a speed he would not usually deploy, shot off into the cold and turbulent water.

Virgil grunted as the wind caught his girl again.

Module retrieval was going to be a bitch.

-o-o-o-

Nine...she took the first candle from its holder and gently tilted it towards its brother. The two wicks touched and flickered. The two became one.

Space is silent, but it isn’t. There is always some kind of machinery functioning to keep life alive. Whether it be Thunderbird Three herself, or his own helmet, Alan was always accompanied by sound.

At this very moment, it was his own swearing.

“Goddamnit, move!”

But the airlock refused to obey. Likely fused shut by the explosion that had set the ship adrift, it was between him and the three remaining life signs. He had to get it open, their life support was failing.

“John, what are the chances of me cutting through this?”

“Not great. It is reinforced. Have you tried the Claw?”

The Claw, complete with a capital C, was a piece of equipment designed by Virgil based on his exo-suit. Virgil rarely made it out into space, but there was occasionally the need for heavy lifting out in the void. It used a grip attached to a thruster pack and could be deployed to create force in any direction.

“It was next on my list.”

“You’ve got nine minutes left.”

“Working on it.” He pulled in his equipment pack, tethered to his sled, and grabbed the Claw. Fastening the grip onto the airlock wheel, he deployed the thruster pack to give the correct directional push.

And the wheel refused to budge.

-o-o-o-

Eight...the first candle flickered haphazardly, once again teased by the breeze as she moved it to the second of its brethren. She smiled just slightly as it, too, caught and flared.

“How do they expect me to catch something I can’t see?!”

It was muttered at his instruments and he didn’t expect an answer. All his scanning equipment was trained ahead attempting to locate the hidden exhaust of an experimental plane deployed by the GDF. It would have been an interesting experiment, if the pilot wasn’t currently trapped inside. It was codenamed Nighthawk because the plane was designed to work best at night - apparently testing it during the day would have made Scott’s rescue attempt a little too easy. So here he was after dark, on New Year’s Eve of all nights, flying over the back end of New South Wales attempting to find an invisible plane.

Yet again, International Rescue was the only organisation with the mechanical guts to fix the GDF’s problems.

It pissed him off big time.

His sensors flickered, his arms moved, and Thunderbird One darted to starboard. For just a moment he had the craft clear as day in his sights.

Then it was gone again.

It was only a matter of time before it crashed. He could communicate with the pilot, but the signals were scrambled and misdirected and no use for locating anything. When the GDF screwed up, they screwed up big time.

“C’mon, c’mon!” He brought TB1 to a hover, every sensor combing the darkness around him.

A flicker.

Another.

Nothing.

A godawful metallic screech as something impacted his ‘bird’s hull on the port side. She swung around, spun on her axis, and suddenly Scott was in free fall.

-o-o-o-

Seven...the third candle wouldn’t catch. She bit her lip, and prayed just a little. The breeze threatened.

John Tracy wished he had more hands. Two were not enough when he had four brothers - one in space, one underwater, and two in the air.

“Scott! You need altitude! Impact in twenty seconds.”

His brother grunted as his hologram grimaced, fighting the controls of his ‘bird.

John didn’t need a damage report, TB5 provided him with all too much detail. Damage to Thunderbird One’s port side VTOL and flight stabiliser had her in a spin.

“She’s not responding.”

“You’ve got additional weight on your port side.” John’s fingers flew across the hologram, attempting to ascertain exactly what the readings were trying to tell him. Damn. “You have a mass embedded in her superstructure, despite the fact we can’t see it.” Calculations. “You’re going to have to attempt to land vertically. Use your rear thrusters to support the imbalance.”

It wasn’t going to be easy. Thunderbird One wasn’t designed to be anywhere vertical but on her gantry, but there was no way Scott would be able to sustain a horizontal landing.

“FAB, Thunderbird Five.” It was said through gritted teeth.

He couldn’t help but think that if Thunderbird Two had been sharing the same airspace as her sister, she could have pulled her out of her dive.

But she wasn’t.

And John was left to watch.

-o-o-o-

Six...the third wick absolutely refused to light and her heart clenched. Let it rest a moment. She moved onto the fourth candle and touched the flame to the waxed cotton.

Night rescues weren’t really out of the ordinary, but they could be eerie. As he left the reach of Thunderbird Two’s powerful spots, he had to rely on the illumination his own Thunderbird could emit. And Thunderbird Four could shine a considerable wattage.

Underwater nightlife was a whole different ocean full of fish in comparison to that under daylight. Despite being in the middle of open ocean, this particular spot was above the very top of a great undersea mountain, just high enough to support the beginnings of a temperate reef system. No doubt one of the reasons the mobile observatory was in the area.

“Undersea Habitat Victor-Two-Zero-Romeo, this is Thunderbird Four, do you read me?”

The line crackled a moment, but a female voice gasped and answered. “Oh, thank god. We are down to our last module. Please hurry.”

“FAB, ma’am. I’m on approach. Can you give me any further detail on the cause of the problem?”

“It won’t go away and keeps attacking.”

Gordon frowned. “What won’t go away?”

“The whale.”

“A whale?!” And his spots lit up the damaged habitat. It looked as if it had been pummelled with a giant baseball bat. Of the five interconnected modules, only one had any sign of life. “Why would a whale attack you?”

But he didn’t get a chance to listen to her answer as his spots lit up a giant mass of flesh, an eyeball, and suddenly Thunderbird Four was rolling.

-o-o-o-

 Five...when the fourth candle refused to light, she took firmer measures and turned to the iron fire pot and touched the first candle to paper. It burst into flame.

“Alan, you’ve got incoming debris!”

“What?!”

But John didn’t need to repeat himself as the first of the projectiles tore through the space in front of his helmet and ricocheted off the hull of the space freighter, narrowly missing his arm.

“Shit!”

“Take cover. Freighter’s starboard side. Now.”

Alan grabbed the Claw and flipped himself vertically to thrust in the right direction and tore around the engine compartment of the ship and hid in a crevice directly opposite the incoming stream. “Where the hell did that come from?”

“Apologies, Alan, I didn’t catch it early enough.”

Alan sighed. He knew his brother was stretched thin at the moment. Apparently dangerously thin. He should have been paying more attention himself.

“We’re down to five minutes.”

“I know.” Silent impacts thundered around him. “Is there any other way in that doesn’t require me to be swiss cheesed?”

“Only the maintenance hatch you dismissed earlier.”

“We may not have a choice.” Alan sighed. “I’ll see what I can do, but it is going to be tight. It wasn’t meant for ship access.” But he would make it work.

Grabbing the Claw and his laser cutter, Alan darted out from his crevice and along the length of the ship, hiding in its shadow. A snap of a carabiner and he was secured once again.

“Okay, you hunk of junk, I’m going to kick your ass.”

-o-o-o-

Four...The breeze was stronger and the first candle flickered out, leaving just the one burning, flickering sporadically. She added fuel to the fire pot.

The flash was blinding and Virgil swore.

Lightning wasn’t a problem, but the storm was. “Gordon, you need to make this quick, the weather is deteriorating faster than we anticipated. He swore again as a nasty downdraft attempted to shove the cargo plane into the turbulent ocean.

The module below was being thrown about like a cork. Virgil made the decision. “Thunderbird Four, I am submerging the module. You will need to dock underwater.” His fingers darted across controls as Thunderbird Two shuddered through another nasty downdraft. Below, the mechanics of Module Four started pumping water and it slipped beneath the waves to hover at a depth that would protect it from the turbulence.

“FAB, Virgil - Shit!”

“Gordon?”

“We have a pissed off whale down here!”

Virgil watched as his readouts tracked Thunderbird Four. She was darting, rolling and suddenly shoved sideways by massive lifesign. He grit his teeth, unable to do anything to help.

-o-o-o-

 Three…she built up the fire pot until it was a massive towering flame.

Scott yanked the lever backwards and let off a prayer to the god of pilots.

Thunderbird One attempted to respond, and he grit his teeth. “C’mon.” Without her port thruster, getting her vertical was a challenge. “C’mon, damnit.” The extra weight dragged and she refused to stabilise.

The air was dark around him, but his instruments were screaming altitude loss and collision warnings, his cockpit lit up like a Christmas tree.

“Goddamnit, fly!”

-

Gordon swooped around the mass of angry whale. What the hell was his problem. And it was definitely a ‘he’, a full-on bull sperm whale, a very unhappy one.

He ran through whale behaviours in his head as he swooped and dove towards the habitat. A hand darted across his instruments, searching...

-

Alan hit the hatch with his fist in frustration. Grip, for crying out loud!

He was down to three minutes to get these guys out and he still hadn’t made it into the damn ship yet.

There was no sound in space, other than the scream in his own helmet as suddenly the entire side of the ship was torn away, a chunk of rock tearing through its hull.

The Claw spun off into space.

-

John bit through his lip, his concentration total on all four brothers. One hand played his holographic controls like Virgil played his piano, data shunted off to where it was desperately needed at the flick of a finger. The other spun between views, scans and acquired information at the full speed his highly advanced Thunderbird could manage.

“Virgil! Waterspout!” And the information was shunted directly to TB2.

-

“Waterspout?! What the hell!” Thunderbird Two groaned as he forced her sideways out of the path of the anomaly. The crosswinds were shit, and she dipped noseward. Damnit!

He kicked in her rear thrusters, killed the VTOL and tore across the ocean in an arc, circling around to return for pickup. She bucked like a rebellious mare.

-o-o-o-

Two...she grabbed all five doused candles in one fist.

Gordon swore again as the whale clipped him on one side. “Okay, I’ve had enough of this. Undersea Habitat Victor-Two-Zero-Romeo, I want you to kill all transmissions. All kinds. I want you silent as the grave.”

“What?”

He spun TB4 on her axis. “Now. If I think what is happening is happening this is your own fault, do what I say!”

He sighed as all transmission bands went silent. He scanned the full spectrum. No....no...ah, damn there it was. “I said all of them!” And it finally disappeared.

Another dodge of a whale fluke and Gordon peeled off in a curve.

-

Alan tasted blood. He had bitten clean through his cheek. He spun slowly in space, the ship in front of him sporting a jagged hole in its side.

Just big enough for an astronaut to crawl through.

Two minutes and counting...

-

Thunderbird One bucked like a mule, but he finally managed to get her vertical enough to fire her rear thrusters. Their plummet slowed.

The holographic ground was still coming up fast.

-

Virgil homed in on the module’s signal, finding once again his place in space. Lightning flashed in warning.

-

John held his breath. Seconds ticked by...

-o-o-o-

One...with determination she thrust all five wicks into the roaring flame of the fire pot. Burn damn you.

Scott yelled as his thrusters made contact with solid ground.

Gordon flicked a control and Thunderbird Four sung into the darkness.

Alan dove into the ship, calling out in desperation.

Virgil swore yet again as Thunderbird Two bucked.

John wished he could close his eyes.

-o-o-o-

All five candles burst into vibrant flame, the five merging into one, defying the breeze, taking on the energy of the fire pot and burning strongly.

Just as midnight passed over Tracy Island, Sally Tracy separated out the five candles and placed each of them in their holders. She smiled just slightly as each eagerly leapt up brightly, dancing.

“Grandma? Have you heard anything from John?” Kayo walked across the comms room towards the balcony where Sally had set up the fire pot. The breeze tousled her hair as it lay loose around her shoulders.

“Not in the last ten minutes.”

Kayo came up close and hugged her. “Happy New Year, Grandma.”

She kissed her granddaughter on her cheek. “Happy New Year, honey.”

-o-o-o-

Epilogue

As dawn lit up the sky on Tracy Island, the sun was witness to five very tired brothers flying home. Thunderbird Two had Thunderbird One grasped under her undercarriage, the severely damaged craft sporting a massive dent in her port side. Her pilot sat very unhappily beside Virgil in the cockpit of TB2. Gordon was asleep in the seat behind them.

The sky roared as the great red rocket of Thunderbird Three tore out of re-entry and spun in for landing.

She was followed by the ever-silent drop of the elevator from Thunderbird Five.

Virgil lowered his brother’s ‘bird to the side of TB2’s runway. He and Brains, and no doubt Scott, would be out later to assess the damage and plan repairs. As fast as possible. Scott was intolerable when his ‘bird was down.

He rolled his shoulders as he brought his own ‘bird into land. There would be no shortage of checks to be done on Thunderbird Two, either. Gordon was already complaining about the work to be done on both TB4 and Module Four, and he wasn’t even fully awake.

Thunderbird Two spun in her hanger and he powered her down.

All three brothers sighed.

“Debrief in ten?”

Scott muttered an affirmative and while Virgil ran through post flight, his brothers crawled out of their seats and headed up to the villa.

In the distance, Thunderbird Three roared as she docked in her hanger.

-o-o-o-

“The idiots were emitting random noise on a frequency that could have been designed to piss off a sperm whale. Once I had them kill it off, I dug up something that would interest, but keep that same whale calm, and I led him off. When he was gone, it was easy to grab the three idiots. We docked with the module, surfaced, and then had wonder pilot over here do his retrieval magic. I have to say, Virgil, that was some damn fine manoeuvring.”

Virgil blinked at the unexpected praise. Gordon must be seriously tired. “Thank you. I admit it wasn’t easy, but we made it in one piece. Brains, I will need to do some thorough checks on the grapple launchers and the module connectors, they were put under some serious strain.”

The engineer nodded.

Scott blinked as if he was having trouble keeping his eyes open. “Good job, Gordon, Virgil.” He turned to their youngest brother and frowned. Virgil followed his gaze and found Alan asleep in the corner of the couch.

“I can report for Alan.” John looked as tired as Virgil felt. “All the crew of the freighter were saved. In spite of the unexpected debris storm Alan encountered. Virgil, he will need a new Claw. He might have some modification requests on that front as well. “John yawned. “Sorry, full report will be available as soon as I’ve had enough sleep.”

“Scott, your turn.” And despite himself, Virgil yawned as well.

“I’ll keep it short. Stop doing that.” And Virgil grinned as Scott caught the yawn bug. “The GDF night camouflage is pretty damn good. I had a lot of trouble locating their craft. That problem was solved by said ship colliding with Thunderbird One’s port side. You’ve seen the damage. She’s down for repairs. We’ll know for how long as soon as Brains has a chance to assess it. Pilot was a lucky bastard and survived with only minor injuries. Apparently, the camouflage works both ways and navigation from inside the ship is extremely difficult. It’s back to the drawing board for the GDF.” And he spat the acronym. “Brains, you might want to check out One’s logs on what she could detect. All I can say is that Thunderbird Shadow walks all over them.” There was no shortage of smugness in that statement either.

Accompanied by another yawn.

“Well done everyone.”

They all muttered something congratulatory, punctuated by another round of yawns.

“Oh, and Happy New Year.”

A couple of grunts followed that.

“Get some sleep and we’ll look at throwing some belated fireworks.”

More grunting.

“Dismissed.”

Virgil stood up with creaking bones and stumbled towards the stairs.

And almost collided with his grandmother.

“Oh, so sorry, Grandma.” He steadied her with one hand, suddenly aware of four brothers lining up behind him. In the corner of his eye, Alan was wobbling with Gordon holding one of his arms to keep him steady.

Grandma grabbed him in a hug. “Happy New Year, Virgil.”

He startled and immediately returned the embrace, dropping his chin onto her head and holding her tight. “Happy New Year, Grandma.” He kissed her hair. His eyes darted to his brothers, all four frozen to the spot.

She let him go, but looked up at him and smiled, before darting to Scott and repeating the process.

Virgil frowned, staring just a little as she moved from one brother to another, wishing each of them a Happy New Year and hugging intensely.

His attention was suddenly drawn away, however, as, silent as always, Kayo appeared and wrapped her arms around him. “Happy New Year, Virgil.”

His eyes widened, but he hugged her and wished her the same. She smiled up at him and then, just like Grandma, moved onto Scott and, hugging him, wished him a Happy New Year.

Virgil simply stared.

Once all the brother hugging had been completed, both women stood back and Grandma started ushering them up the stairs. “Well, off to bed with you. We can celebrate later tonight.” She smiled at all of them.

Kayo’s smile was a little smaller, but just as genuine.

Virgil decided he was too tired to work out what the hell was going on. He turned and began to tackle the stairs. He would think after he had slept.

-o-o-o-

Sally watched her boys climb the stairs wearily.

They were home safe. Tired, but safe.

So far it had been a good year.

-o-o-o-

[lulu2992]

How do you think the seeds would react if the deptuy had genuinely romantic intrest in them? Going so far as to leave the resistance to prove it. Obviously there will be alot of suspicion at first but what do you think?

I think the Seeds would be happy if the Deputy left the Resistance because “recruiting” them is their goal, but their reaction would depend on which member of the family the Deputy fell in love with. I suppose they would also react differently depending on their sexual orientation (which we know very little about) and whether or not they could potentially reciprocate their feelings.

Joseph would be relieved if the Deputy chose to follow him because not only would his Family be safe, but it would also have a new member, a new soul to save and step into the Garden with. But… Joseph wanted them to see him as the Father, not “the Husband”, and the Deputy was supposed to be another Child to him. Sure, he’s ready to love them, but this isn’t exactly what he had in mind. Since he has his late wife’s face tattooed on him and talks about her beauty in the present tense, I personally believe he’s still not over her. That doesn’t mean he could never fall in love with someone else, but I think he would need some time. So Joseph would welcome the Deputy’s love and devotion because this is what he hoped for, but he would be a little taken aback and would want to keep his distance, at least at the beginning, so their relationship could remain strictly platonic. If the Deputy’s feelings remained unchanged through time, in nature and intensity, and if they were someone Joseph could be attracted to, maybe he would consider a romantic relationship. Maybe.

If the Deputy fell in love with one of his Heralds instead, I think Joseph would be happy for them.

John would be ecstatic if he managed to convert the Deputy. He did it! He succeeded! They finally said “yes” to him! Joseph is going to be so proud! But, wait, this isn’t exactly the kind of “yes” he expected… is it? The way I see it, John isn’t very familiar or comfortable with the concept of love. He’s been in a lot of “relationships” in the past but I don’t think any of them was meaningful or involved romantic feelings. No, opening your heart is scary and makes you vulnerable, he can’t do that… It’s obvious to several characters in the game (and many players) that John has strong feelings towards the Deputy, is practically obsessed with them, and struggles to properly function since they arrived in Hope County. People like to joke about the nature of said feelings and I’m not even sure John himself knows exactly what they are. I don’t think they’re definitely romantic because it’s more tortured and complex than that, but it’s a possibility we can’t totally exclude. So, if the Deputy left the Resistance for him, John would be thrilled but, after realizing what they really wanted, he would be flustered and, I assume, would want to keep his distance as a defense mechanism. He would seek Joseph’s guidance and they would talk about his feelings, as well as the Deputy’s and the whole situation. Because I believe the Father also wants John to love and be loved, I suppose he would encourage him to go talk to the Deputy to see if it could work… and maybe it would.

If they fell in love with one of his siblings instead of him, John would probably be disappointed and get a little jealous, consciously or not.

Jacob would be… a bit confused. The Deputy is in love with him? But why? Did something go wrong with the conditioning? It’s never done that to anyone before... If he had no interest in them, maybe he would find it amusing. If they were someone he could potentially be attracted to and romantically involved with, things wouldn’t happen quickly (if something ever actually happened) because Jacob is pretty reserved and I think he needs time to develop and express feelings. He isn’t as overtly affectionate as Joseph or as emotional as John... I also don’t think he’s looking for a partner because he’s focused on his mission and wants his army to be ready for the Collapse. Also, he thinks he’s just a weapon without a legacy whose destiny is to die for the Project if necessary, so I imagine seeing someone fall in love with him would trouble him. But when his mission is accomplished, when the Collapse is here, and if the Deputy still wants him, who knows what the future could hold?

If they fell in love with another one of his siblings, I don’t think Jacob would mind. He would want to be sure they’re genuine and won’t hurt anyone, though.

Faith wouldn’t be surprised at first. Of course she managed to make the Deputy leave the Resistance; she got many other people to follow her before. Of course they think they’re in love with her; other people (mostly men) think they are too thanks to her talents, her singing, and the Bliss. She’s used to “seducing” people into the cult, the game calls her “The Siren” for a reason. But… she wants them to follow her so she can make them see the Father’s truth and hear his message. Surely, it’s him the Deputy is actually here for, right? Why do they keep telling her they’re only here for her? There is no information about Faith’s sexual orientation in Far Cry 5 and, since “Faith” is a title, I don’t even know if she’s allowed to date anyone (at least publicly), if it’s something she’d even want, or if they’ve ever discussed this possibility with Joseph. The role Rachel chose to play when she became Faith Seed was to be devoted to the Father. She is a “sister” in a religious group so her role reminds me of a nun’s, and nuns are generally supposed to remain single. Again, the game doesn’t say anything about her love life but, if the Deputy fell in love with her, she probably wouldn’t want things to go any further between them. That doesn’t mean she would never reconsider it, but I think her first reaction would be to reject to Deputy’s advances to focus on her role and stay faithful to Joseph and the Project.

If the Deputy fell in love with one of her adoptive brothers, she’d be happy for them… but she would keep an eye on them to be sure they’re not trying to fool anyone.

[blueathens]

The Girl Who Wears A Mask

                                  ACT 1, SCENE 7

𝖲𝗈𝗇𝗀: 𝖠𝖿𝗋𝖺𝗂𝖽 𝖻𝗒 𝖳𝗁𝖾 𝖭𝖾𝗂𝗀𝗁𝖻𝗈𝗎𝗋𝗁𝗈𝗈𝖽 𝖰𝗎𝗈𝗍𝖾: "𝖶𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗇𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍𝗆𝖺𝗋𝖾𝗌?"

𝖳𝖶: 𝖬𝖾𝗇𝗍𝖺𝗅 𝖧𝖾𝖺𝗅𝗍𝗁, 𝖬𝖾𝗇𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇 𝗈𝖿 𝖠𝖻𝗎𝗌𝖾 & 𝖲𝗎𝗂𝖼𝗂𝖽𝖾 & 𝖶𝖺𝗋 & 𝖣𝗋𝗎𝗀𝗌

Masterlist//Dusk Till Dawn Masterlist//Agape Masterlist

                                 THIRD POV

"How much sleep have you been having?"

Sleep: A condition of body and mind that typically recurs for several hours every night, in which the nervous system is relatively inactive, the eyes closed, the postural muscles relaxed, and consciousness practically suspended.

Sleep, one of the most important things that the human body needs as it shuts down everything for your body to rest, to recharge from everything, to give you more energy to do things.

Not getting much sleep could lower your moods but it can also cause more life-threatening causes such as diabetes, obesity, and coronary heart disease. And one third of us suffers from poor sleep due from stress, computers and taking work home which can cause a lot of damage to the human body.

It is said that humans need about 8 hours of sleep to function properly, however some need more or less and a way to figure out if you're getting a lack of sleep is if you wake up and still be tired and longing for a nap.

There are cases where stress and other factors are not the only cause, health conditions such as sleep apnoea could be the cause, but usually its bad sleeping patterns.

If your body doesn't get enough sleep you will experience short tempers and lack of focus. An occasional night without sleep makes you feel tired and irritable the next day, it will also not cause any harm to your health. However, after several sleepless nights, the mental effects become serious. Your brain will fog up, making it difficult to concentrate and make decisions. Your mood will decrease, and you may fall asleep during the day. Injuries could become more frequent causing not just you but others harm too.

She's been sleeping many sleepless nights.

"Enough."

"Insomnia...we're afraid."

Insomnia: Habitual sleeplessness; inability to sleep. No matter how much you desire dreamland, it refuses your entry.

It's nights where you toss and turn, hoping for the sleep train to pick you up to take you to dreamland, but it never does, it drives straight pass you because you don't have a ticket to go. You left with a wild mind, forcing you to stay awake with countless of thoughts. You think about everything in your life, your friends, your family, your work, your dreams, your hopes, your achievements, the past, the present, the future, your pets, your problems, your feelings, your worries. You think and remember everything, even the things you don't want to remember. Your mind keeps you up with anything it can, and it will even bring in the memories you stashed away to gather up dust.

It's scary what your mind is capable of.

She can't sleep, her mind is constantly keeping her up, she tosses, and she turns, but she never sleeps, if she does it's not much.

"I can suggest herbal remedies such as lavender or pills-"

"No pills."

"I've read some things from previous records of yours and-"

"No pills."

"Try lavender."

"How long have these nightmares been happening."

Nightmares: A frightening or unpleasant dream.

She wakes up covered in sweat, screaming for help, and after it all she can't go back to sleep as she always sees the memories, her life, every time she closes her eyes. It keeps her up most nights, and she wished it didn't. It wasn't the monsters hiding in the dark that scared her anymore, it was the monsters that hid in her mind, playing every nerve like chord string, tickling her heart and heating her body up with nothing but fire.

"What nightmares?"

John Lennon once said: 'I believe in everything until it's disapproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists, even if it's in your mind. Who's to say that dreams and nightmares aren't as real as the here and now?'

Who's to say nightmares aren't as real as our dreams? She knew her nightmares were real, very real indeed, she knew they were real as she lived them.

"Night terrors...we're afraid."

Nightmares is something that usually seen in children if adults have them not many of them talk about it, embarrassed that they can't stop the threatening scenes replaying like a broken record in your mind. You wake up screaming, drenched in sweat, heart pounding, mind racing, your flailing your arms about trying to fight the monsters that causing you this fear, the fear that makes you stay awake.

"I don't get nightmares...that's for children."

"Your Captain says otherwise...both of them."

"I don't work with one of them anymore."

"Your name is still on the list for emergencies."

"Yeah, key word, 'emergencies.'"

"Night terrors...we're afraid...What do you see?"

She sees memories of her life, memories she wanted to forget. She hears the rapid gunfire. She smells the dead corpses, and she remembers the war-cry faces on them. She sees and smells smoke, she feels the hits, the pain, the cries, the death, the feeling of nothing. Her mind shows it all and it feels so really, it's like she's living her life all over again...it's all so real. The muddy shoes, the baseball bat, the blood, she knows it all too. The sound of engines roaring, sirens blasting, crowds cheering, parents shouting, the tears, the agony, the doctors faces of sympathy. It was all there...it was all there like she was experiencing it all again.

"I don't get nightmares."

"PTSD."

PTSD: Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

She was prepared to serve, to be injured, to die...but if someone told her what she was going to live with she would have chosen death than live with all the memories that haunts her.

It wasn't just from the serving though, it was the struggles of her life, constantly hunting her, playing itself on report like a broken record, screeching as it goes round and round...it was never going to end.

"It's never going to leave you."

It's all comes back in flashes.

"You know that, yes?"

Your living it every single moment of your life.

"Hmm-mmm."

"Your life has never been easy and it's okay to ask for help."

Everyone calls for help, but they all go silent and deaf when they scream for them, begging them to save them...but they rarely get to them in time before the chains pull them under the waves, causing every droplet of water into their lungs.

"I'm fine."

How much longer can you wear a mask before it shatters and everyone sees the truth?

"But-"

"I'm fine."

PTSD is not a chosen situation, or an illness, or a temporary condition nor is it 100% curable. PTSD does not mean you're crazy, dangerous, weak, failures, bad people.

"I'm afraid you're PTSD is complex."

C-PTSD: Occurs from traumas that build layers upon layers.

"You don't show it though...you hide it within yourself and-"

Mask are worn to hide the sadness that lurks inside you.

"Just stop."

They beg and beg, but no one listens.

"Isn't help what you wanted?"

No one understand how hard it is for them to tell them everything that goes inside their head.

"Not really, got forced into this like always."

"You need to talk to someone."

Why don't they understand?

"I'm fine."

"We're here to help, why won't you talk to us?"

"I'm fine."

Another crack decorated the mask.

"Depression."

Images of a small 10-year-old visiting different therapist and doctors, telling the parents that their child has depression, they questioned it, wondering why such a happy girl had such a terrible thing, but the girl just sat in silence allowing the voices to be background noises as she made images with the marks in the ceilings.

"Since you was 10, correct?"

Life is a beautiful tragedy.

"Suicide attempts-"

Don't bring up the history...it still haunts her.

"Stop."

Flashes of different times death nearly fell upon the girl, even if it wasn't suicide, she was always close to dying and every time she wished it would just take her away. Then maybe, just maybe she'll find peace.

"Diagnosed with a form of PTSD by the age of 22, correct?"

BANG! BANG! BANG!

"And here you are diagnosing me with a whole other list."

"There could be more, but you won't talk to us."

"I thought it was obvious why."

"We're here to help! Let us help you."

"I'm fine."

"Kasey what you suffered the other night was not nothing, it was a panic attack, a serious panic attack." Hen told her softly. "Have you spoken to your therapists?"

"They just make me sound sick."

"You're not sick." Hen quickly defended. "You're a girl who's been hit by life so many times."

"I just want my mind to rest."

"I know, honey." She looked at the slightly darken marks under her eyes. "I can't tell if those are the bruises or sleeping bags."

"I don't even know anymore."

"Have you been sleeping?"

"Coffee."

Hen sighed, shaking her head as she tapped Kasey budged with hers as she sat in front of her in the café.

"I told you no more coffee at the moment, it's not good for your health, especially if you're not sleeping."

"I never said I'm not sleeping."

"You choosing to have coffee states otherwise."

"It's called growing up."

"Growing up and Kasey Strand do not work well together." Hen chuckled lightly but Kasey could only respond with a fake smile, nodding slightly to what she said.

Life is complicated sometimes you can have a good night rest, other's you may not. Sometimes you feel completely fine like you can climb a mountain or run a marathon. Whilst on other days all you want to do is fall into a mountain of pillows and blankets to hide from the rest if the world.

And for some people they have more bad days than good.

And Kasey is and always has been one of those people. The people who can put on a mask to tell everyone their fine when in reality their not, they're really drowning, gasping for air, but the water just fills their lungs every time they scream for help. It's like a weight of chains dragging them down, causing them to go further and further into the great unknown. And they don't even fear the creatures that lurks in it, what they fear is how quickly they're losing air, how viciously their body is tingling, how numb their getting, how there is no way to escape.

"Are you sure you're okay Kas?"

Images of the memories that haunts her flickered through her mind.

Muddy shoes, princess, baseball bat, guns, death, bodies, drugs, alcohol, vehicles, hospital, shouting, dancing, punching, vases breaking...everything just came back once again.

"I'm fine."

Hen examined her, eyes racking up and down Kasey, a slight frown on her face as she took a sip of her drink. She noticed Kasey's eyes focused on something else behind her and Hen knew there was a blank wall behind her, meaning Kasey daydreamed out.

"Aren't you going to eat?" Hen eyed her Pain au Chocolat in front of Kasey with a raised brow, usually food would be desmolase with Kasey, Kasey snapped out of her thought with a shake of her head before looking back at Hen.

"Hmmm?"

"Your food." Hen nodded to her the food that hasn't be touched yet. "Are you not eating it?" She watched how Kasey eyes looked down at the plate, completely forgetting that it was there.

"Oh." She broke a piece of, it wasn't warm anymore but Kasey didn't mind. "I forget I ordered this." She placed a piece in her mouth before her eyes went back to the wall behind Hen.

"You're moving back into your place tonight?"

"Yeah." Kasey placed another bit into her mouth. "I feel bad for just crashing at Eddie's."

Hen hummed.

"You know he never cares, he loves having you there and so does Christopher."

"They might, but I'm Eddie's friend not family, those two deserve to have moments together as father and son."

"Always thinking about others before yourself."

Kasey examined the café once again, there was a couple by the window, a few students scattered here and there, two cops just walked in causing the bell to ring, Kasey blinked at hearing that sound as he eyes zoomed on it before moving to look at something else. A few elders were around, laughing at something their friends who sat with them said...the train just went past, the sound of rumbling and chugging was heard as it passed the café.  And then there was three waiting staff and one cashier...but the waiting stuff took turns. And finally there was her and Hen having breakfast together, something they tried as much as possible, but today Kasey wasn't with it as her mask was slowly breaking.

"Why did my therapist talk to you all?" Kasey asked.

"I don't think they should have...but you're record was practically empty even though you've been to many before."

"Because I don't talk...it doesn't help me...it makes...it makes it worse." Kasey admitted quietly, eyes looking at her the table as her finger ran up and down it, her leg bounced up and down because this was the first time she sort of admitted that there was something go on. Hen leaned in to hear her more closely. "It's diagnose after diagnose...it hurting my head to much...it makes me sound sick."

"You're not sick." Hen reminded her.

"They want me to go on pills...I can't do that though."

Hen who nodded softly, thinking it was because of what happened to TK, reached her hand forward to hold Kasey's moving one, holding it still and making Kasey's eyes snapped to Hens.

"You might not want to talk right now...but we, the team and Athena are always here to listen to you, okay? You recently went through something traumatising and we just want you to heal."

But that's the thing it wasn't just because of Jordon and the many statements she had to fill for the cops causing her to remember everything more clearer, it wasn't because she has to go back to the apartment that now hold bad memories...it was just everything that happened in her life is finally catching up to her and Kasey can't process it all, she isn't strong enough to swim up to the surface to breathe...to get the fresh air her lungs desired.

"And if you need a break or-"

"Hen, I'm fine."

"So how's Maddie settling into her new place?" Kasey questioned Buck as she sponged down one of the vehicles outside

"Good...I think." Buck furrowed his eyebrows before looking up from the hose to his best friend. "Hey, thanks for coming to help yesterday."

"Course." A few moments later Kasey watched Buck walk off towards Taylor Kelly who just turned up with her camera men, watching Bobby walk off. Kasey sighed as she stared at camera from over the top of the car, wishing it wasn't there. Kasey dropped the sponge with another sigh before making her way towards Buck and she noticed how the grins on Taylor and cameraman became bigger at the sight of her...one of the firefighters who was also at the scene of the helicopter crash.

"Hey." Kasey waved and the cameraman responded with his own wave and a smirk as the camera moved up and down her. Eddie now made his way towards them from the gym and Kasey wanted to go now, she only came to tell Buck that he needed to finish his task with her, but of course he got distracted.

"Any side effects of the crash?" Eddie asked as he made his way to them, standing next to Kasey with his arms crossed, giving a slight glare at the cameraman before looking back at Taylor.

"I'm great." Taylor beamed and it screamed news reporter to Kasey so much, the constant smiles made her feel sick sort of, and Kasey knew she wanted out as quickly as possible, she faked a smile and slight nod when the camera pointed at her again. "Thanks to you all which is why I'm here. You guys were so amazing. I want to do a story on the firehouse and the heroes that work here."

Chimney and Hen now was listening to what Taylor was saying, slowing stopping their tasks at hand.

Eddie noticed Kasey's slight discomfort as the camera stayed on her, he stepped forwards slightly to cover a bit of view of her causing the camera to move back to Buck.

"Oh," Kasey shifted her weight to her other foot as her. "You really don't have to that...we're not that interesting."

"No you're not."

"Yeah, but you do traffic." Chimney pointed out.

"I'm not quite ready to go back in the sky, so I thought I'd try my hand at telling a story from the ground."

Hen jumped out of the ambulance, one hand still holding the window of the door as she gave a fake grin. "And use your newfound fame to put your face in front of the camera."

"That, too." Nodded Taylor.

"Smart girl."

"I can't wait to interview all of you. I want to know why you chose this job, the crazy things you've seen, what it's like to face death. I mean Howie, you almost died, right?" She turned to Chimney.

"Actually, nobody calls me that." He pointed his finger up as the camera faced him. "It's Chimney."

"I bet there's a story there."

"Hmm."

"Not one you can tell on TV." Hen said causing Taylor to chuckle softly.

"And Miss fan-favourite nearly died multiple times as well, epically recently right?" Taylor turned to face Kasey and Kasey rolled her shoulders back to realise some tension in them.

"It's part of the job." Kasey told her.

"Not with the one that happened about a month ago, what happened? What did the doctors say and-"

Eddie placed his hands on Kasey's shoulder guiding her away from the red head who was firing questions at her with the camera pointed at her. He took her all the way upstairs, far away from the camera and Taylor as possible.

"New couple alert?" Taylor smirked, raising her brows at the new-found gossip.

"Kasey and Eddie?" Chimney asked with a laugh. "They're just friends."

Buck and Hen gave each other a look.

Eddie was now in his uniform as he sat next to Kasey, both eating brownies and they both mentally groaned when they say Taylor and the cameraman making they were up the stairs.

"Remember, you don't have to answer anything you don't want." Eddie whispered in Kasey's ear as they both watched them from the sofa they were sitting on.

"Tell us about all this." Taylor asked looking at the food that was dotted round the kitchen and dining table.

"Oh. This table is all about the love." Chimney stated.

"Amen." Kasey cheered quickly, stuffing another brownie in her mouth.

"And the carbs." Chimney repeated, nodding slightly to what Buck just said as he stuffed a cupcake into his mouth.

Kasey didn't know how long it took Taylor to get to her, she knows she's talked to the other firefighters and tried to talk to Bobby, and now Kasey was training to find her escape route when she noticed Taylor heading towards her like a women on a mission.

"Everyone absolutely adores you Kasey."

Kasey knew this already due to the news that goes round and always wanting to question her. She also knows this by the awkward encounters she have when people notice her out and about, thanking her for all her service and everything, whilst Kasey just stood there, hands swinging in front of her as she gave them an awkward smile. She wasn't usually awkward but if people come up to you when you're not on shift it's kind of weird...she's not a celebrity or anything so why do they want to remember who she is? All she is doing is her job.

"I guess." Kasey shrugged, eyes cautiously looking at the camera, the camera man, Taylor then the room she was in...she was near the kitchen, and she noticed Bobby standing in the kitchen watching her carefully.

"You guess?" Taylor laughed.

"All I'm doing is my job." Kasey felt uncomfortable at the sight of Taylor's smiling face.

"On one of your calls you saved a-"

"KASEY!" A voice that belonged to Eddie Diaz yelled from downstairs. "I THOUGHT YOU WAS ROLLING THE FIREHORSE BACK UP! I NEARLY TRIPPED OVER IT!"

Kasey was puzzled for a moment, she knew she already put that away, so she wasn't sure what Eddie was talking about, until it hit her, he was helping her to get away from the camera.

"Oh..." Kasey gave an apologetic smile. "A firefighters job is never over." She swung her arm in front of her, it heading towards her other arm but not touching it, like in the of gesture of 'Oh-dear-wish-I-could-stay.'

"Captain Nash." Taylor travelled towards the kitchen whilst Kasey jogged down the stairs.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you." She threw her arms over Eddie, embracing him in a tight hug, he leaned back slightly causing the girl to step of her tiptoes to follow his movement, arms wrapped round her waist as he chuckled lightly.

"Constantly saving lives." Eddie squeezed slightly, Kasey not caring one bit if any of her bruises hurt her, they were going down more by the day and soon she be completely back to normal...physically.

She stepped back slightly, and Eddie's hands moved from her back to her hips, but they stayed there when he realised how close their faces were. His eyes flickered for a second down to her lips but before either one could even think what was happening the bell rang, causing them to step away from each other and clear their throats.

"Uh, thanks." Kasey nodded before walking towards the fire engine.

"Anytime." Eddie blushed, hand scratching the back of his neck as he watched her go for a second, before feeling Bobby pat him on the shoulder to tell him it's time to go.

"He's refusing help?" Kasey muttered standing next to Chimney. "This dude must be crazy or something if they don't want help to stop choking."

"Tell me about it." Chimney muttered back as they both walked together, following the rest of the team. Kasey rubbed her eyes causing her to flinch and hiss slightly in pain. "You alright?" He looked at her out the corner of his eye.

"Yeah, yeah...just kind of forgot about the bruises on my face."

Chimney looked more at her face, examining her injuries. "Should be gone soon, they look like their clearing up well."

"Joey Chestnut scarfed down 74 hot dogs in ten minutes at last year's Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest." Buck yelled over the crowds as he spoke to Eddie.

"Bet you could do that with those brownies earlier." Chimney chuckled lightly which Kasey shoved him in response with laughter of her own.

"They were good brownies...you should have tried some."

"Maybe later."

"Excuse me, sir, are you refusing care?" Bobby yelled to the man sitting at a table, crowd cheering him on in front of him.

He waved his hand, dismissing them, whilst a hissing noise came from somewhere under the cloth near Chimney and Kasey, they jumped back when the animal came out.

"Ah, geez!"

Chimney stumbled back into Bobby whilst Kasey stumbled into Eddie who caught her by her waist, keeping her stable so she didn't fall in front all these people.

"Whoa."

"Cute." Chimney muttered bitterly. "Is that thing yours?"

"I thought that was a dinosaur." Kasey sighed with slight relief, Eddie's hands still on her as they both stared at the Komodo Dragon. "Chim's right, it is cute."

"I think he was being sarcast-"

"That's Claude. He's the grand prize." The lady who was hosting this event said.

"All this for a lizard?" Kasey questioned just before the guy at the table threw up.

"Get 'em in, Get 'em in!" Bobby ordered as he and the team ran over to the man, pushing one another to go faster as they stepped on each other's heels. "Give us some room."

"Get this table and chairs out of here." Chimney waved his hand and Kasey was off doing what Chimney wanted.

"That means you guys, too." Bobby told Taylor and her cameraman. "Give us some room. Back up." He waved his hand (along with Eddie) motioning them to get as far as possible from them. "Prep the defib." The team, except Kasey, kneeled down to the choking man.

"Airways are sealing up." Hen informed the group.

"What's happening right now, Kasey?" Taylor interviewed Kasey as she was doing her task.

"Er, right now, I'm moving the table and chairs to give them room...something I think the two of you was ordered to do as well." She grinned cheekily at them before jogging away and back to her team, hurrying down on her knees to help in anyway.

"I need the BBM."

"What was this, like a pepper eating contest?" Taylor asked the host.

"No. Protein."

"His pulse thready." Hen removed the mask of his face as bugs jumped out of the guys mouth, chirping loudly to grab everyone's attention."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa."

"Locusts!" Hen waved the mask up and down removing any bugs that were in there.

Kasey stepped back, standing up as she waved her hands around to protect herself from any of the bugs like her other teammates were doing.

"No, they're actually crickets." The lady informed them.

"Is that meant to make this better?" Kasey cringed when she thought she felt one on her arm, hitting the area repetitively until she was convinced nothing was there, shivering slightly at the sight of them, making her think they were crawling all over her.

"We allowed anything that Claude would eat. We thought it might be fun."

"His pulse is weakening. He's I V-fib." Hen quietly muttered to Bobby. "He's coding."

Chimney hopped to the other side of the man, sitting back on his knees. "Starting compressions."

"Damn it, the blockage is too big. He's not getting any air. Let me try something."

"Come on buddy."

"Buck, give me the Magill."

"Come on."

Buck handed her the scissors crossed twisters combination to the medic, she opened his mouth with her covered hand as the other hand held the tool guiding it into the man's mouth to pick up the blockage at the back of his throat. She placed it in the napkin Bobby held out for her with disgust before she went back to placing the mask back onto the man's face, him gasping to get air back into his airways.

"He's back."

"I've got the sinus rhythm, pulse action rising. Let's get him up."

The second he sat up he started to reach; bugs continued to fly out of his mouth.

"Even Bear wouldn't eat this." Kasey voiced quietly with so much disgust in her tone as she stared at the scene in shock.

Eddie leaned forwards to the man with a serious face. "All this for a lizard, huh?"

"Hey! That's my line!"

"A monitor lizard and 500 bucks."

"Let me get in there!" Kasey yelled happily at the amount of money.

"NO!" The team yelled at her causing her to stop jumping up and down with clapping hands.

"And I just lost."

"Yes, you did! Yeah!" A women at the table said with a mouthful of insects before she spat out roaches.

"Oh fuck no." Kasey shook her head repeatedly at the new sight.

"Claude I guess you're staying with me." The host said to the lizard who just hissed in response which made the cameraman and Taylor jump back with a gasp. "I guess he likes you. He likes redheads."

"How about you start from the beginning?"

"The beginning of what?"

"The first thing you remember."

It was a sunny day in New York, she was playing with her brother happily, both of the age of 4, it wasn't the first memory she remembers, but it was the first memory to signify the start of her downfall. Kids around the age of 7, marched up to them, like they owned the park they were in. They're parents were sat on a bench in a conversation of their own, not knowing that these older kids were yelling at their very own children, telling them how they weren't allowed to play in the sandpit because it belonged to them. The 4-year-old girl stood up in defence for her brother when she saw the bottom of his lip wobble in fear due to the loud screams. She yelled at them just as loud, and the bigger kid of the group pushed her down into the sand, causing it to fly everywhere whilst the girl just glared up to him, kicking him just below his kneecap causing him to tumble down into his friends, the girl pulled her feet closer to her body, pulling her brother with her to make sure he didn't get hit by the kids who tumbled down. Her older brother sat behind him, hands firmly on her shoulders as he watched the scene. The kids burst into tears, and she yelled at them for being bullies, but everything ended when her parents came with furious faces and arms crossed.

They shouted at her all through the journey home, not listening to her side of the story. Not listening to how they yelled first, ordering them to get lost, how they gripped her brother's arm once, how they nearly made him cry, how they said only they could play in it as they 'owned it,' not listening to how they pushed her first and she didn't even know all the kids were going to fall over by a soft push. No, they never listened, her brother was crying through all the yelling, she was angry at her parents who were full of rage and disgust of her behaviour for making the other kids cry for apparently not letting them play on the sand pit and for making her brother cry because she caused them to yell at her.

She was grounded for two weeks after that, she couldn't remember what her punishment was, but she remembered she hated it because she didn't deserve it.

"You was in the right, you know?"

"Nah, I wasn't, I just made it into a bigger thing."

"You really think that?"

"I know...I know because it's all I've ever done."

"Maybe we could do a time skip to your teen years...that's where the biggest gap has-"

Silence.

"Can you hear me?"

Silence.

"Maybe you just want to continue from the beginning if it's easier, build up to those years, and let me-"

Door slammed.

Long strides, 20 long strides it took to get to the ladies toilets, locking the first empty cubicle she found and sliding down the closed door. Harsh breathing as she gripped tightly onto the sleeves of her hoodie. Hands shaking once again as raked them through her sweating hair.

Breath in...hold....breath out...

But her laboured breath continued and she hit her head against the cubicle door, wanting to be somewhere else that wasn't in her mind. Maybe some therapist were right, she needed a happy place...but how could you find one when your entire life was full of darkness?

So the girl just sat there until the storm in her head passed, then she would walk out with a mask upon her face like nothing happened.

But the storm was no where near finished when the phone rang, and she knew she was going to have to wear a much stronger mask.

But the question was, how much longer can she wear this broken mask before it shatters completely and everyone finds out the truth?

And she feared that it was going to be very soon as she doesn't think she can keep herself together for much longer.

"LAFD. Clear path." Bobby told the people in front of them as he and the fire-crew travelled down to the scene, sunglasses on their faces, and followed closely behind was Taylor and her cameraman.

"Looks like extreme hyponatremia." Buck stated as he looked at the bodybuilder who was clenching his muscles tightly, and unable to move.

"How do you know that?" Kasey questioned, placing her gloves on.

"He's got a charley horse." Hen said.

"He is the charley horse." Chimney added.

"What does that even mean." Kasey mumbled in confusion.

"What's your name?" Bobby asked the man.

"Charlie."

"Okay, Charlie, when was the last time you had any fluids?"

"Yesterday afternoon."

"Flushed yourself out for the competition today?" Chimney asked which Charlie nodded at.

"And for the weigh-ins, to make the veins pop."

"Well, you're defiantly popping."

"All right, Charlie your potassium and your sodium have bottomed out and that's why you're seizing up." Bobby bent down slightly to examine the position he's in and Hen wrapped a blood pressure wrap round his arm. "Now, before we start replenishing your electrolytes, you got to answer me honestly: are you dosing?" He asked looking into Charlie's eyes.

"N-no steroids, if that's what you mean. I'm total clean."

"You sure buddy?" Kasey asked as she looked at the way his body was, especially his muscles. And it wasn't just Kasey who had this thought as the rest of the team including Taylor and the cameraman looked at one another in disbelief. When Kasey turned to look to her side, she immediately noticed the camera and the man holding it awfully close to her, the man smirking as his eyes looked at her and the camera pointing at her and back to the bodybuilder.

"Okay, you two need to back off." Bobby said to the camera. "Get the camera out of here, please."

Eddie sighs.

"Cap needs room to work." Eddie told them, ushering them away.

"I'm working too." Taylor said defensively.

"You can work further back, especially you Mr Cameraman."

"Charlie, I just need you to know that of you're not being straight with me, and we start giving you saline and you have been dosing your kidney could start to fail, okay? And that be on you." Bobby told him.

"I'm on steroids."

"Who would've guessed." Kasey exclaimed in fake surprise.

"Okay, that's better. Are you taking anything else?"

"I took a diuretic last night to shed some water weight."

"That explains his low blood pressure. 70/40." Hen pointed out.

"All right, let's get him transported." The team went to different sides of the man. "On three, everybody. Ready? One, two, three." His head was in red brackets as they lowered him onto stretcher that was wrapped around him with a yellow strap.

"Am I-am I gonna be okay?"

"We're gonna get you through the day."

"You'd think he'd earn a trophy for holding the pose so long." Chimney smiled elbowing Kasey.

"Right?" Hen agreed, smiling in Kasey direction but she never responded, instead her eyes stayed on the ground. "Kasey?"

She suddenly look up and looked at them through her sunglasses. "Right." She smiled slightly before heading towards the fire engine.

They sat in the red truck without Bobby, Kasey was giggling like a small schoolgirl, Eddie was scrunching his face and Buck was looking out the window.

"Man. Allergies are going crazy today." Eddie sniffled.

"I didn't know you had argies." Kasey giggled.

"It's allergies." Chimney corrected, looking at Kasey weird of mispronouncing a word he knew she could say.

"That's what I said, silly." She giggled. "I feel so good today."

"The index wasn't elevated this morning." Buck told Eddie and Kasey.

Kasey sneezed. "Huh? Maybe I got argies too."

"Allergies."

"Do you think it's a new kind?" Buck asked.

"New kind of what?" Eddie shook his head.

"Of pollen."

"Is it poisonous." Kasey hurried to cover her mouth and nose with her hand and the two boys copied her.

"A new kind of pollen?" Chimney asked in disbelief and the three of them nodded their heads, still covering the bottom half of their face. "Poisonous pollen?" They nodded again.

"You're not feeling this, Chim?" Eddie asked removing his hand which the other two copied.

"No, I do not."

"I can see the pollen." Buck said looking up. "I can hear it."

"This is ridiculous. She's the one who cheated." A lady yelled at Athena handcuffed her. "She and her demon seed. That little girl is 11 if she's a day...I want to see the birth certificate."

The 118 entered through the glass doors one by one and when Kasey went to go through it, her face was meet with something hard causing her to stumble back with slight confusion.

"Huh? I thought a door was there." She scratched the top of her head, looking round the area. "Where did the door go?" Eddie walked back out, grabbing her hand to guide her through the door he just walked though. "There's the door!" She looked around, tugging at Eddie's arm excitedly. "Oh my god, it's a party!"

Chimney turned around to face her with pure confusion before heading towards Athena.

Kasey, Eddie, and Buck stayed by the door, looking around with their mouth apart, smiles tugging at them as they opened.

"Hey! Strand! Diaz! Buckley! Let's go!" Chimney called as he kneeled in front of the victim with a high heel going through her cheek.

"Did these beauty queens shrink, or are we suddenly giants?" Buck asked slowly.

"Fee-fi-fo-fum." Kasey said in a deep voice, stomping her feet as she stayed in the same spot. The boys leaned into her as they laughed at her imitation, but they suddenly stopped when the children turned to face them causing them to gasp and step back.

"Can I get my shoe back?" The women yelled as she passed the trio.

"Can someone please bring me the rest of my gear?" Chimney yelled in desperation. Athena turned to look at him before facing to look at Kasey, Eddie, and Buck who was just in pure shock at the children dressed as princesses.

"I think he means you, guys." They slowly looked up at Athena.

"She's a giant too?" Kasey muttered out through the corner of her lip.

"Hey, Athena." Buck greeted. "They're, like, the tiniest ladies I've ever seen." He looked down at them before back at Athena, pinching his fingers together and spoke in a high pitch voice to say: "Teeny-tiny. Just..."

"Excuse me?"

"So tiny." He whispered.

"Henrietta." Athena called at the firefighting-medic who was staring at herself in the mirror, looking round widely at who called her name.

"Thena." She waves her hand and as she gets closer she sniffs the air. "Oh, 'Thena, you smell like love."

"Chimney? Need you over here." Athena called as she looked at Hen in alertness. "727-l-30, requesting immediate R.A. backup." Athena spoke into her radio, watching how Hen sucked in the air through her nose. "At Beverly Wilton Hotel, Pacific Ballroom."

"Where the hell is my lido..." Chimney paused as he saw the state his team was in.

"We got a problem here." Athena told him. "You guys be tripping."

"What? Guys, look at me. Do you know where you are?"

"We're everywhere, man." Eddie told him as he appeared through the balloons. Kasey turned around and Eddie blinked in surprise. "Wow...you're pretty."

Kasey giggled.

"They're on drugs." Athena barked at Chimney.

"You're very pretty too." Kasey batted her eyelashes at Eddie.

Hen laughed in gasp as she hugged Chimney, him patting her back with a groan. "Oh. Oh, my God, it's the brownies."

"Brownies?"

"We got a new batch today."

"Did you know you're eyes were green?" Eddie said to Kasey as he attempted to lean against the wall to look cool.

"They are?" She asked with such excitement, hands covering her eyes as if she be able to see it.

Eddie let out a soft whine. "I can't see your eyes now."

"We've been getting a lot of stuff lately, especially since the earthquake." Chimney continued to pat Hen's back.

"You guys eat that stuff?" Athena asked in disbelief. "We just throw that stuff right in the trash."

"We're firefighter. Everybody loves us."

"Oh..." Athena couldn't believe his comment.

"So...you come here often stuff-hot?" Kasey titled her head.

"I think I live here?" Eddie questioned, eyes looking around.

"Hey, look at me." Kasey whined and when he looked back at her she cheered happily.

"What's going on?" Eddie cried as the handcuffs tightened round his wrist. "I don't like this."

"Ooh, you made him cry." Buck pointed out.

"Believe it or not, this isn't the first time I've been in handcuffs." Kasey said innocently looking down at her feet as she pointed them in and out repeatedly. Athena looked at her along with the other first responders who stood behind her with questioning looks. "Don't know why you're judging I heard about-"

"All right!" Athena said loudly interrupting the blabbering girl. "Just breathe, okay? You're gonna be okay."

"Did you make my man cry?" Kasey furrowed her brows as she looked at Eddie before looking angrily at the man behind him.

Eddie breathed out deeply.

"Somebody dosed you with a hallucinogen." Athena told them, ignoring what Kasey said as she knows she just drugged up. "We don't want you to hurt yourself or anyone else."

"You've already hurt my man." Kasey huffed.

"Yeah, my girl better not be hurt." Eddie glared out at Athena.

"Kasey? Are you hurt?"

Silence.

"Kasey?"

Silence.

"Eddie's girl?" She tried and Kasey looked up with a big smile and Athena rolled her eyes. "Are you hurt?"

"Nah." She giggled, and Eddie sighed with happiness.

"You're adorable." He grinned at her through some tears that were prickling his eyes.

"No, you're adorable."

"You're more adorable."

"No-"

"You both are adorable!" Athena interrupted the pair who frowned that she interrupted them.

"Thena you're head is beating like your heart." Hen told her, looking at her as if she was an angel.

"Is it?"

"Did everything kind of sparkle?" Eddie asked, hands stuffed in his pockets.

"Uh, I'd say it was more glistening, like the whole world was covered in dew." Hen told him.

"I can't really remember anything I said." Giggled Kasey.

"Neither." Buck shook his head.

"You think this is why people go to Burning Man?" Eddie asked before sitting next to Kasey who was next to Buck.

"We seem them every day," Taylor began on the TV, "on the streets of Los Angeles, running into burning buildings, pulling people from wrecked cars and collapsing high-rises and even saving this reported from a helicopter that spun out of control."

"Where's Cap?" Eddie asked as he took a mouthful of popcorn.

Buck looked around.

"He's not watching with us?"

"No, said he had other things to do." Chimney told him, handing Kasey the popcorn bowl so everyone could reach for it.

"I think his words were he'd rather do anything other than this." Hen laughed a breathy laugh.

"They are the brave men and women of the Los Angeles Fire Department, and it was my own brush with death that inspired me to share their story so you can all see what it takes and what it means to be one of them."

                                  𝑃𝑟𝑒𝑣𝑖𝑜𝑢𝑠 ◁ II ▷𝑁𝑒𝑥𝑡

                                      (AGAPE SERIES)

[queerwolflupin]

did you hear that [ REMUS LUPIN ] will be attending the Black Ball during the coming weekend? They recently arrived in London for the social season and we will be excited to see if they make a splash this year. I heard that they are currently working as an [ MUGGLE LIBRARIAN ] and that they have been quite successful. They always reminded me of [ oversized sweaters, sarcastic quips, lukewarm cups of tea, strolls through the woods, the scent after a rainstorm, crumpled up newspapers, stacks of unfinished books, they say you aren’t a monster but that doesn’t change the turmoil inside ] and I heard that they can be [ DROLL + EMPATHETIC ] but also [ INSECURE + CAUTIOUS ]. Rumor has it that they are [ WORKING AGAINST ] Tom Riddle, but you know that you can’t believe everything you hear. As far as I know, they are a model member of pureblood society.

Biography. Wanted Connections. Pinterest. Playlist.

NAME: Remus John Lupin NICKNAMES: Moony, Remy FACECLAIM: Rafael Silva GENDER/PRONOUNS/SEXUALITY: Cis-Male, He/Him, panromantic, demisexual AGE & BIRTHDATE: 25, March 10 BIRTH PLACE: Edinburgh, Scotland FLUENT IN: English, Scottish Gaelic, British sign language CURRENTLY LIVING IN: A flat shared with Sirius POSITIVE TRAITS: droll, careful, intelligent, level headed, empathetic NEGATIVE TRAITS: insecure, anxious, pessimistic, reserved, prone to self-handicapping

~ appearance ~

HAIR: Brunette, short HEIGHT: 6′2″ BUILD: Athletic TATTOOS: Moon on his right wrist that changes to match the cycle of the real one SCARS: Covered in them from clawing at himself when transitioned. The majority of them are along his back and rib cage, with a few along his face and neck. ANY OTHER IDENTIFYING MARK(S): N/A NOTABLE ACCESSORIES: It is rare for Remus to not have a book on him.

~ interests ~

FAVORITE FOOD: Bread and butter with sugar sprinkled over it FAVORITE MUSIC: Appreciates The Who and David Bowie FAVORITE COLOR: Mauve  CLOTHING STYLE / PREFERENCES: Oversized sweaters are his favorite. Prone to “borrowing” Sirius’ shirts and jackets. HOBBIES: Reading, writing, photography, learning to play guitar ROLE MODEL: Hope Lupin is easily the strongest person he can think of. LIKES: Visiting muggle record stores, hiking, hanging out with friends DISLIKES: Large crowds, public speaking, people that are vocally prejudiced, the current opinion of werewolves

~ headcanons in no particular order ~

A select few know about Remus’ affliction. His biggest fear goes out to being properly shunned by everyone because of it.

Remus is not a fan of astronomy. He maintained high enough marks to pass but did not put full effort into the subject while in school.

Remus severely lacks self-confidence. Although he tries to hide that fact, it can occasionally come out. He is prone to second-guessing himself and afraid of saying things that may lead to his acquaintances deciding he isn’t worth their time.

Transformations have created an arthritic-like effect on Remus’ joints. Flare-ups before and after the week of the full moon can sometimes leave him bedbound or relying on pain potions to be able to function.

Remus has kept to keeping muggle jobs, fearing that the wixen world will ask too many questions if he manages to keep a job in the community. Money is tight and he is too proud to ask for help, keeping track of who and what he owes.

[imkylotrash]

Remedy

Pairing: Sherlock Holmes x reader

Summary: Sherlock has always had trouble sleeping. His brain just won’t shut off so one night you decide to do a self care routine for the both of you and he’s never had a better sleep. 

A/N I sort of hate this and like it at the same time. 

“Come back to bed.” You rest your hand on his shoulder hoping this time he’ll listen to you. It’s one in the morning and he’s sitting impatiently waiting in the living room chair. His phone is laid out in front of him on the table but it’s making no sound even though you know he’s hoping for a text. 

“I’m not tired.” You don’t doubt that he wants you to just leave him alone to stare at the phone going out of his mind every second that it doesn’t light up but you’ve always been pretty stubborn. 

“You have bag under your eyes, your left leg is twitching which it only does when you’re struggling to stay awake and judging by the rings on the table you’ve had more than just one cup of coffee.” He narrows his eyes looking at you with something that just might resemble respect but it’s hard to tell with him. 

“I’m waiting for an important phone call,” he says deflecting your observations even though you both know there’s no phone call. This is his brain working at full speed and not allowing him to sleep. 

“Even if there were a phone call, you’d be less helpful because you’ve gotten no sleep in the past 48 hours. Sleep deprivation is a thing,” you state hoping it’ll be enough to convince to go to bed with you but of course, it isn’t. The next night you’re prepared though. 

“Here,” you say handing him a cup of chamomile tea as soon as he walks through the door after another day solving cases and exerting himself beyond his own limits. He’ll be crashing soon even if he’s unwilling to admit that. 

“Thank you,” he says eying the cup suspiciously. He doesn’t take a sip before he sees you drink from your cup. 

“You think I’d poison you?” 

“Perhaps a crushed sleeping pill,” he says clearly remembering the conversation you had last night. Though the thought had crossed your mind, you wouldn’t feel comfortable going to those extremes. Instead, you’d concocted the perfect plan to make him sleepy and ready for bed. In the corner, there are some incense with the smell of roses slowly spreading in the room. 

“I think I can manage without that, sweetheart.” You guide him to bed for the first time experiencing him being quiet and accepting that there’s no way out of this. You take it as a sign that he really does need to sleep. 

“A book? Your plan is to bore me to sleep?” he asks with a raised eyebrow. 

“Hush, it’s my favourite.” You signal for him to get into bed which he does with a groan worthy of a teenager being scolded by their parent. He really just is a massive man-child. You’ve added blankets and pillows to the bed which you know he claims to hate but everyone loves a fluffy blanket for night-time. Especially during London’s winter where everything is just cold and wet. 

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness.” You continue to read aloud noticing how he’s struggling with staying awake. 

“It was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity.” He starts snoring when you reach the end of chapter one. Carefully, you take the tea cup still resting in his hand and places it on the nightstand before dragging the duvet further up to cover you better. That night you don’t wake up to find him gone. In fact, you don’t wake up until the next morning and even then, he’s still sleeping peacefully next to you. The incense has gone out but there’s still the vague scent of roses in the air. Instead of getting up, you get comfortable grabbing the copy of “A Tale of Two Cities” and picking up where you left off. Two hours later, he opens his eyes watching you carefully. 

“Hey, how’d you sleep?” you ask putting the book away. 

“Good, I suppose.” It’s the first time in your relationship that you’ve managed to share the bed for the entire night and personally, you consider that a success. Going into a relationship with Sherlock, you were well aware that things would be different from what was typically expected from a relationship but you didn’t mind because it worked for the two of you. But sometimes you had to be the adult and make sure he took care of himself because that man would run himself into the ground if no one was there to stop him. John could only do so much and that’s where you came in. 

“Then maybe we should do it more often,” you propose trying to sound casually but he sees right through you. 

“I allowed your witchcraft once. I’d be a fool to fall for it twice.” Some would argue he’d be a well-functioning human being for getting enough sleep but you keep that argument to yourself. 

“You can’t really ‘fall for it’ if you made a conscious choice to allow it,” you counter back enjoying the fact that you get to spend the morning together. Sherlock has never cared about these things and probably never will, but for you it’s the small moments that you cherish more than anything. 

“I suppose that’s true.” He’ll never ever admit that it was nice getting a full night’s sleep but you know the truth and that’s enough for you. No matter what he says, he can’t function properly without sleep. The many studies made on sleep deprivation proves that though knowing him he’d find a way to explain why the study fails to recognise that some people function differently such as himself. 

“How would you feel right now if I were to kiss you?” A long time ago, you and him agreed that physical affection required permission first so that no one was caught off guard. It wasn’t that Sherlock didn’t like it or didn’t want to but he just needed to know when it would happen. He didn’t do spontaneous when it came to things like that. 

“I’d probably appreciate it.”

[starrygalaxy04]

Songs That Remind Them of You (MLQC Headcannons)

Victor

Don't Go Breaking My Heart (Elton John)- Victor is a sucker for romantic-style music, and this song is no exception. He can't help but imagine dueting this song with you whenever it plays softly in the background while he's making your favorite caramel pudding.

Adore You (Harry Styles)- He would never admit it, but this man just wants to shower you in affection. His favorite moments are when he gets to hold you in his arms and he can just gaze at you with the insane amount of joy, admiration, love, and unfiltered affection that only you get to see. He's been searching for you for a very long time, and he's going to cherish every second of being with you.

Still the One (One Direction)- He would never admit he ever listens to this song because like hell is anyone going to find out that he listens to boy bands, but this song's lyrics strike all the right chords with him. He loves the message it sends because its the very message he will always reiterate to you when you feel like you're not enough or he could do better. Its you, its always been you.

Lucien

Dark Side (Kelly Clarkson)- This man has a hard time knowing that you love him and are blissfully unaware of the monster that lurks just below the surface. He often finds himself wondering if you would still love him if he were just Ares, or if you would leave after you found out all of the things he had done for the sake of progress. But every time you wrap your arms around him or smile at him, all those worries melt away because he feels true emotion when he looks at you.

Its Gonna Be Me (NSYNC)- He knows that anyone in this world can have you, and it would kill him if you chose anyone else besides him. So he wants to make absolutely sure that he will never even have to think about letting his beautiful butterfly go. He is forever yours, and you will be forever his, even if it takes an eternity for that to happen.

Line Without A Hook (Ricky Montgomery)- This song mainly applies after Lucien no longer remembers MC, because I feel like it accurately describes how he feels. He knows MC doesn't trust him and is purposefully being distant, but at the same time the feelings that the other him felt are slowly trickling in and before long he's wishing that he could fix whatever it was that was tearing MC up so bad inside. And he knows that as he is, he's no good for you. But that doesn't mean that he isn't going to ignore the voice of reason in his head like the other him did and try his hardest to be what he once was for you.

Kiro

Fight For This Love (Cheryl)- Kiro knows that with him being a huge pop idol that sometimes the pressure gets to you. And he wants you to know he is always there and will be there next to you to fight through the thick and thin. He always wants to be with his favorite person ever, and will do whatever it takes to make sure that you're okay and he can be there to experience everything life has to offer with you, and to assure you that you are worth it.

100% Pure Love (Crystal Waters)- True to the name of the song, everything that Kiro feels (well almost everything, if you get what I mean) comes from the purest parts of him. He always wants you to be the happiest you can, always making sure that you have a bright smile on your face. And he knows what you two have is something people could only dream of, and having you in his arms is the best thing that ever happened since he met you again at that convenience store.

Price Tag (Jessie J)- He knows that when you two are together, nothing else matters. He knows you're not with him just because he's Kiro the superstar, but because he's Kiro. The bubbly 22 year-old who has an affinity for sweets and puppies with an adventurous streak. And he knows that if you two are next to each other, you wouldn't need anything else to have a good time.

Gavin

Treasure (Bruno Mars)- Honey, you are the center of this man's universe. He had treasured you since the first day he laid eyes on you, and wanted nothing more than to be by your side. And now that he is, he is over the moon. He may not be able to shower you in lavish gifts like some of the others, but every single moment you two spend together more than makes up from it, whether its a picnic under the stars or a midnight flight.

What A Man Gotta Do (The Jonas Brothers)- This brings back some of his older memories, back from the high school days. He was so shy when it came to you, and he never even knew how to approach you the majority of the time. So he always watched from the distance, wondering what he could do to get you to notice him. The song allows him to reflect on those cringey memories with a smile, and let him enjoy the fact that you were his, even after all that had happened.

Loving You Tonight (Andrew Allen)- This man can't wait to come home and just lay in your arms, or have you lay in his arms. His favorite moments are the ones of pure domesticity, things he never saw between his mother and father when he was younger. It feels so pure and freeing, and just so right. He loves every moment of it, and wouldn't have it any other way.

Helios

Popular Monster (Falling in Reverse)- While Helios is indeed a person, Helios is somewhat of a character that Kiro is playing. Its the side of him that he can't show to the world. He has killed people to protect others, to protect you, and in that way, he's exactly as the title reads, a popular monster.

Therefore I Am (Billie Eilish)- As Helios, he knows that everything relies on technique and execution, so he has completely shut out emotional functions for the most part, except when he's around you. But because Kiro is such a good actor, its very hard to tell. He knows that he's that bitch, and is not afraid to prove it, being blunt about literally everything. But he also knows that you have the perseverance of a God, to the point that its stupid, but as you build the confidence that comes with the identity of your Evol, he sees you growing in a way that he could have never taught you as Kiro.

Cigarette Duet (Princess Chelsea)- Helios knows that he can't associate with you as much as when he was Kiro because Black Swan is a bitch, but one thing he always wants to make sure is that you haven't fallen down and devolved into bad habits. The one thing that didn't leave Helios was his ability to care specifically about you, and even thinking that you would get into a habit that would harm yourself makes his blood boil. So he always makes sure you've remained drug-free and that you see him just enough that it won't get him in trouble and can give you comfort.

Shaw

No Roots (Alice Merton)- Shaw's idea of you is something much like how Victor saw you in the beginning. Someone who thrust themselves into something way over their head and now had to deal with the consequences of it. The only reason he believed you was because he knew of things (the man has his ways) and decided to help you because he found you just interesting enough that he thought it might be fun. But he found himself envying the fact that you didn't have a past in this world, and that you were free to do whatever you pleased without a reputation preceding you. He didn't like the fact that it caused you pain, but thanks to his asshole of a father the idea sounded a little too good to him.

Sad Girl (Lana Del Rey)- Shaw often found you moping around at first, mourning the fact that you had lost everything. But in the end, he was the one who helped you get over it, getting you back to your normal self. He still catches glimpses of that depressed look in your eyes, and always makes sure to lighten up on the teasing when he does see it. He never got the chance to be a kid and grow up properly, so he couldn't fathom exactly how hard it was for you. But he still tried.

White Tee (CORPSE)- We all know Shaw would be more into the punk style, and his music taste is no exception. He likes listening to mostly emo style music, and dabbles into a little bit of everything when he feels like it. However, this song mixes together his anger at the world for giving him such a shit childhood and the fact that with you he feels like he can start fresh. Because even though everyone else falls into the same category with him, you were different, and he wanted to explore that kind of different.