#I can’t hope that high that the main relationship would be polyamorous

[mossiestpiglet]

As a big fan of stede/izzy working before ed/izzy or ed/stede I feel like I’m about to win big

[chelleztjs18]

First Time's The Charm (WandaNat)

WandaNat x FemReader

Pairing: Rich WandaNat x girlfriend!FemReader (Modern AU)

Summary: You are taking your girlfriends to a pumpkin patch for the very first time.

Warnings: None, just fluff mixed with humors and some swearing words (I think).

Requested: Yes.

A/n: Hello hello! here's another fluffy fic. I hope you are not fluff overloaded by now. lol. but it's fluff with overprotective WandaNat, so why not, right? haha. Happy reading! Reblogs and comments are appreciated. :)

Halloween Masterlist | Main Masterlist

“Okay, Wands, Natty, we are here!” You announced excitedly, complete with clapping. You look at your girlfriends at the back seats through the rear mirror. You decided to drive because you want to spend time with them without anybody else such as the driver or the bodyguard.

You've been waiting for this day since the Halloween season started. It’s the first Halloween since you've been dating Wanda and Natasha. You never thought that you would be in a polyamorous relationships, not even a single thought until you met them. Both of them spoil you very much with their love, attention and everything they can buy. The sky is the limit for them.

“Oh, this is it, detka? Wow, it’s bigger than I thought.” Natasha comments as she looks out of her window. “Oh, look at all those dirt.” Wanda lets out her thoughts right after she leans to Natasha’s side to see how it is.

“Now, you both are happy that I warn you not to wear your high heels? You are welcomed.” Pride sounds crystalline in your tone.

“Yeah, but I’m wearing my favorite white flats now.” Natasha replies in a slight complaint.

“That’s a lot of pumpkins there, baby.” Wanda adds. “Hence, the name, Wanda. It’s a pumpkin patch and it’s the biggest one in the city every year.” a chuckle slips out as you explain to them. Growing up extremely rich from two families of business moguls, made Natasha and Wanda never really know nor been to a pumpkin patch so here you are taking them to one today.

After you bought the tickets and quickly grab them by the hands and walk to where all the pumpkins are.

“So, we are walking around to pick one of these dirty pumpkins?” Natasha asks curiously with a pinch of dislike at the idea. “Yep, we pick them and you can use that wheelbarrow they provide because I want us to get the big ones for us and we bring that to the cashier and pay for it.” You answer her as you point at the lined up wheelbarrows.

“No, I’m not touching those handles of that wagon or whatever those things are called, let alone pushing it around.” Natasha shakes her head quickly and refuses the idea of it.

“It’s okay, Natty. I will push that thing. You don’t have to. I’m already happy that you and Wanda come with me here. Let’s go get some big pumpkins.” You try to make the redhead feel better and you look so thrilled by now.

_____

“Why can’t we just tell Winston to get us three big pumpkins from the store? That way we got clean pumpkins and I don’t have to push this wheelbarrow around.” Natasha complains in question as she mentions the butler's name. She pouts a little but you can imagine how her arms flex and look sexy under her coat’s sleeves.

“Nat, I was gonna push it. I didn’t want you to push it, I know how much of a clean freak you are.” You tackle her irritated remarks and tease her.

“No, I’m the head of our household. There’s no way I let Wanda or you touch and push this dirty thing.” Nat slightly retorts.

The brunette looks at Nat with her eyebrows raised a bit and the corner of her lips curve up to a smile. She is slightly amused with Nat's words and Wanda knows that she meant everything she just said.

Meanwhile you, "Okay, daddy." You said it in a teaseing way under your breath and rolled your eyes playfully. Nat stares daggers at you yet she notices how happy you are and it sweeps her annoyance away in split seconds then draws herself a smile.

Wanda watches how adorable the conversations between you and Natasha and she shakes her head with a little laugh then asks you “So, what’s next malyshka?”

“Well, there is a bunch of stuff we can do here. They sell food and drinks too.” You answer.

“We are not getting on those rides, are we? Because they don’t look safe, y/n.” Wanda asks in concern while she points at some attractions on the other end of the pumpkin patch. Her question easily gains another little laugh from you, thinking that she looks so cute. They both always look adorable when they are worried about you.

Both of your girlfriends are following you as you show them around. “Don’t worry, Wanda. We won’t but I do want us to—” You give her the assurance she needs about it then right before you tell what you want to do next, Natasha points to a direction.

"What's that over there?" A question escapes her lips.

“Oh I think that’s where the petting zoo is.” You quickened your steps so did Wanda and Natasha.

“Aaw look at those cute sheep, rabbits and ponies!” Wanda exclaimed excitedly but didn't want to step closer to the petting zoo area.

“Those are cute but sorry sweetheart, I’m not going in and I don’t think Nat wants to go in either.”

“Y/n, I love you but I can’t go there. It smells.” Natasha takes a few steps back, grimace written all over her face.

“No, it’s okay. I don’t want you two to go to see the animals because I know you both very well. And that’s where I want to go in with the two of you.” Wanda and Natasha feel relieved that they got away with the petting zoo but not for so long until their gaze follows where your index finger points.

“A haunted house?” Wanda reassures if that’s what you meant.

“Yes! I love haunted houses! It’s fun. Some haunted houses are pretty extreme but fun! Let’s go!” You grin so wide as you rub both of your palms to each other.

“Y/n, that’s no fun at all. Who would want to pay just to be scared in a dark ‘house’ that’s like a maze? That’s stupid.” Natasha refuses wholeheartedly. 

“That doesn’t sound safe at all, y/n.” Wanda joins in Natasha’s refusal to your idea.

“It’s safe. Don’t worry. I have been wanting to do this with both of you. Please please please. I will be so happy if we do this.” You beg with your puppy dog eyes expression and you know it always works on anything you ask them. They can’t say no to it almost every single time you do it.

“Well, I have never been to one but I guess if that makes you happy, plus who can say No to that face. Natty, look at her and her smile. She’s happy, that’s all that matters, right?” Wanda coaxes while her hands rubs Natasha’s back. You know you can count on Wanda to help you to persuade Nat.

A sigh escaped your Russian girlfriend. “Fine. Let’s go but let me take the lead.” She agrees in defeat but her overprotective dominant side demands a compromise from you.

“Nope. I’m not taking a risk of you punching the scarrer's face.” You joke as you giggle.

“Okay, I will walk behind you and Wanda will take the lead so we can make sure that you are okay.” Natasha leaves no room for you to argue.

“As long as we are having fun, okay.” You know better to agree before Nat changes her mind.

“Good girl.” Nat praises you as she gently pat the crown of your head and smiles at you.

_____

The three of you have gone halfway through the haunted house. You have to admit, it is really fun to go in there with Natasha and Wanda. It’s utterly adorable and sweet seeing both of them very protective over you despite the fear and shock they feel every now and then.

Wanda leads the way and makes sure what’s coming and Natasha watches behind you so no scarrer sneaks behind you.

You can hear Wanda scream a little sometimes and Natasha, she grunts and swears a lot to cover herself every time she gets shocked. “Okay, y/n, we will pass the part where there are bodies in trash bags hanging, just be prepared if one of them screams or moves. Okay?” Wanda gives warning ahead.

“Okay, Wands.” You try hard to hold your laugh.

Luckily, nothing happens as you pass the hanging bodies. “Hah! I saw you! Y/n, I saw one guy try to scare you from behind but he backed out because he knows I caught him in the act. What’s wrong, big guy? Are you–” Natasha mocks the scarrer then proudly tells you what happened, you can hear from her voice that she is less tense and chuckles a little until one loud bang echoes that startle her.

“Jesus! What the fuck was that?! I can’t believe you made me do this. I don't get what's the fun of this, y/n.” There it is again, a scared and annoyed tone comes back in between Natasha’s comment and you find it very funny.

Wanda screams again. “Oh my god, watch out! That clown doll on the right moves!”

“Okay, walk a little bit to the left, detka.” Natasha instructs you protectively as soon as she hears what Wanda informs and her hands gently push you to walk more on the left side.

You feel bad for them but you can't help yourself to laugh a little but they are too anxious to hear your laugh.

You can see the nurturing, soft Wanda yet she is as overprotective as Natasha is over you.

Wanda screams once more then all of a sudden stops walking. "Oh for fuck sake!" Hearing Natasha swears is not big news but when Wanda swears? Oh that's something new and it just makes this all better.

"What? Wanda, did you just swear?" Natasha's question flows from behind you.

"Y-yeah I did. I just saw that–that… What's that little cursed doll boy who kills people?! The one that I really hate!" Frustration started to show more in Wanda's voice.

"You meant Chucky?" You guessed with a soft giggle.

"YES! I just saw it run across the room real quick. Shoot! I can't see him now." Wanda eyes quickly search around the maze.

"Uh okay. Okay.. let's continue walking Wanda, that masked killer from Halloween is behind us and walking closer.” Panic screams in Nat’s tone as she pushes both you and Wanda to walk faster.

After a few steps away and the scarrer who was mentioned stops following, the maze gets quiet and dark again.

“Are you okay, y/n?” Nat sudden question behind your ear startled you a little. “Yeah, Natty. I’m okay. You scared me.” You answer. “Sorry, love.” Nat responds.

“Okay, it’s almost over. I saw the exit sign but why is it so quiet? I can’t wait to get out of here.” Wanda notices the silence is too good to be true or perhaps a little anticlimactic.

“Oh, I’m glad it’s almost—” Natasha’s words got interrupted with the loud popping and hissing sounds from the fog machine and fake thunder sounds and light. Not gonna lie it startled you and the loud screams from Natasha and Wanda didn’t help at all as one scarrer with a fake chainsaw jumped and screamed in front of Wanda.

Everything happened too quickly, you didn’t even see that coming. Three of you screamed. “Oh my god, detka are you okay?” Natasha asks and Wanda turns around to check up on you and Natasha at the same time.

“Yeah. Yeah. I’m okay but I think he’s the one that you both need to ask if he is okay.” Wanda and Natasha quickly look at the person you meant only for them to find him dropping his fake chainsaw prop, rolling on the floor moaning in agony with both of his hands covering where the pain he feels, on his crotch.

“Ah! You kicked me in the nuts, lady! Oh my god! That hurts.” The man grunts in pain as he speaks. “Uh-oh. I think I kicked him.” Wanda acknowledges.

“Uh-huh. I can see that, Wands.” Natasha replies and looks at him. You alert the staff to call the medic.

_____

Thanks to Natasha's negotiating skill, the man won't press charges on Wanda.

You and your older girlfriends walk out of the haunted houses laughing out loud of what just happened.

"I really didn't expect that you would kick somebody. I thought it would be Natty." You laugh your thoughts out.

"Y/n, I told you I didn't mean it. If I wasn't in front of you, he would scare you. It was just my instinct kicking in to protect you." Wanda backs herself up from your and Nat’s tease.

As the three of you walk further away leaving the haunted house, Wanda smells a delicious scent and Natasha sees people walk by with tasty looking food on their plate.

“What is that smell? It smells so good.” Wanda asks as she inhales more of it. 

“Oh my God, that looks so delish.” Nat’s head turns because of her gaze that’s locked to the food that passes by.

“That looks like a heart attack, Natasha.” Wanda comments.

Wanda loves cooking and Nat loves food, you know that. You are smiling at their antics. “That is one of the foods that they serve here. The food here is waaaay cheaper yet tastier than what we usually get from any fancy restaurant we always go to. Let’s try some.” you propose your plan and hook both of your arms to theirs and walk together.

“So, this pumpkin patch opens every year in the Halloween season, y/n?” Natasha asks.

“Yes. Every single year. Why, Natty?” You ask with a knowing smile. You know the reason she asks, you just want to hear it from her.

“Uh, just wondering.” A hesitant answer flows out of the redhead’s lips.

“Oh for goodness sake, Nat, just say it. You want to come back next year? I do. It’s not that bad actually.” Wanda bluntly calls her out and admits it herself at the same time.

“Yes! Okay, I want to come back next year. It was fun. Happy now??” Natasha finally admits as she tries to hold back a smile and she fails miserably.

“Yes, I am. Thank you Wanda, Natty. I love you both so much.”

“We love you too, y/n.”

This year’s Halloween is for sure the unforgettable one for you, perhaps it’s also even the best one ever.

A/n: Welp, that's it for today, peeps! Let me know what you think. Follow me for more and see you in next!

Cheerio!

Taglist: @madamevirgo @musicinourlips @unstable-sapphic-hoe @fanboy7794 @chloe7076 @b0mbdotc0m @trikruismybitch @ichala @californianwhiterabbit @honey-sweet-hiraeth @imfuckinggenius @sxfwap @chaekhan @daenerys713 @luvmcgrath @stupidsapphicsstuff @pattypavo @frvny @franfineashell @heyyoweveryone @ygtft-chen @yaaskasey @sweeet-likeeee-cinnamonn @paumxmff @dopeyouth @beaniejennie @ineedafinghug @idkwhatimwriting @lucydiibi @mainly-rebloging-fics-i-like @gloriousfoxruins @grxvitye @mcubreakdown101 @aos22 @wandanatstan @paulawand @yeeterthekeeper @femalehomosexual666 @snowdrop1026 @modernmonalisa @nothingisrealanyway @idamaemann @sweeterlust @royalityofmultifandom @playboysaleen @peabrain112 @gwhaley127 @harleyswanda @bodhi-j @darth-rain @cristin-rjd

[sofipitch]

Maybe Lestat’s always had open relationships and truly didn’t consider how much he would hate sharing Louis. I know the main reason he becomes upset is because he thinks Louis has feelings for someone else but I think his reaction would still be pretty extreme even if it was just a fling. It’s typical of Lestat to just continue on to do as he pleases without consideration for someone else’s feelings, and only reconsidering when he’s personally affected. Like, I think he was surprised with himself how much he hates the idea of Louis being with anyone else. Of course, he can’t have his cake and eat it too (the way book Lestat often does) and I’m hoping that from this point he realizes that maybe he doesn’t want an open relationship with Louis. Call me delusional but I like the thought of Lestat exercising restraint in a monogamous relationship, it challenges him to grow and requires the both of them checking in with each other and actually healthily communicating.

Yeah I agree with everything you said anon. I think it was @sweetazathioprine who said that Lestat is serial monogamist. He "falls in love" with others in the bools, but quickly and totally, he seems almost obsessed with whoever his new person is, which doesn't seem like open-relationship or polyamorous behavior. He basically just gets a love interest each new book like the James Bond hero AR imagines him to be which *ben affleck smoking meme*

I DO think that Lestat is an incredibly selfish character in that he needs all the attention at all times, theater kid behavior basically. So I do think his constantly falling in love has to so with wanting to always be in the honeymoon stage where your partner thinks you are amazing and you are constantly on their mind. So I think him going to Antoinette had to do with chasing that high, having someone be delighted with him, complimenting him, as opposed to pulling away like Louis was. I think Lestat does need to learn restraint and how to think of others before himself.

However I am of course am biased, I ship loustat and prefer them with each other rather than with others. I am also not trying to make any value judgements on open relationships or polyamory, simply what I think turns the wheels in Lestat's dusty head

[takaraphoenix]

Grey’s Anatomy: Review

Took me four months, but I have successfully watched all 16 seasons of Grey’s Anatomy - and what there is of season 17. Figured it deserves some words.

HOLY SHIT I LOVE THIS SHOW? SO MUCH?

(To set the appropriate mood for this and give you a TL;DR.)

That being said to open it up, it is most definitely not flawless. So let’s start there. For me, the one big flaw it has is really the writers’ cuckolding kink. So. Much. Cheating. And - worse than the cheating plots - the cheating apologism. They echo the exact same sentiment so often, that cheating is only one mistake and humans make mistakes. That’s... at one point, that stops being a plot device and starts to be very telling about the writer, to be quite frank.

That being said, let’s roll out the positive. And let’s kick it off with something that relates to all the cheating; so many forced love-triangles, but they usually don’t include toxic rivalries. It’d be so easy to have the men throw punches over the women or the women pull hair and scratch each other’s eyes... so many other rom-drama shows do it already, after all. But, honestly, the two lose ends on the love V (because these things ain’t triangles) usually have such a good dynamic with each other, ranging from civil to friendships to deep mentor ships - Meredith and Addison, Mark and Jackson, Cristina and Teddy? Seeing these dynamics, quite frankly, makes having to sit through a love-triangle-nonsense actually more than bearable.

The most impressive thing about the show is, to me, the amount of rep on it. I mean sure, the main lead is white and I’d estimate half the overall cast are white, but even from the get go - in 2005 - the ratio of white actors versus actors of color in the main cast was five to four. And they’re not background or side characters - I mean, two of them are, aside from Meredith, the only ones to still be around on season 17. They all have their own plotlines, their own relationships and troubles and struggles. It’s not just the Meredith show, not by far.

And beyond that, the queer rep on this show is... honestly mindblowing? I mean, seriously?

They introduced their first queer character in season 2, in 2005, when other procedual dramas that aired then in large parts just... never... added queer characters. And sure! Joe was only a recurring character and not a main character, but he was recurring for six seasons, he recurred a lot, he got established, he and his husband partook in the plot. And, again, this was just the beginning, back in 2005.

They’ve since then steadily broadened their horizon and become more inclusive.

Recurring and main character wise, we’ve had 5 lesbians, 5 bisexual women, 4 gay men and 2 trans characters over these 17 seasons. That’s a very solid list, honestly. If I look at other shows, again especially procedual dramas that are still largely aimed at a more conservative audience, the fact that we’ve had actual queer storylines in every single season since season 2? That’s amazing.

Even more so on the one-off characters, to be quite honest. Just... casually, this patient has two moms, this man is visited by his husband, here the child of the patient is nonbinary, look this patient is in a polyamorous relationship. Sure, those are only the one-off episodical characters, but you have no idea how much that matters too.

I know I’m repeating myself with this, but especially when compared to other procedual dramas, where the characters are often only queer when it’s important to the plot. He got beaten up and ended up in the hospital because he was gay. She got killed because she was trans. They’re motivational and important to the plot (and also usually used to victimize the characters).

The fact that this show, even 10+ years ago already, just... included queerness as part of our reality, included it casually, positively and repeatedly - really, it’s not just like it’s one episode per season like it’s some obligation, it happens a lot? For no actual needed plot reason, she just has a wife and she’s just happily married to her wife and that’s it, because queer people exist.

And I just, I struggle to express how much this casual rep means to me? And how it becomes even more amazing if you consider how long ago it started? And if you add to it the steady prominent recurring/main character rep?

Sure, it’s not perfect - the majority of their characters of color are black; it’s not overly diverse when it comes to what characters of color it included, it took forever to include the second Asian character and the first Muslim character and it could feature a broader variety of ethnicities, just like it could offer a broader variety of queer experiences, I mean it took them forever to introduce the first mlm main character and they have yet to include a bisexual man, I’d also just love to see an ace character or a polyamorous character, to paint a contrast to the sex-obsession and cheating plotlines - but... it’s doing more than many others and I do think it deserves praise for that and it keeps improving. They didn’t just add Erica and Callie as the first wlw couple and then stuck to only having two queer ladies on screen at the same time and never more, just constantly replacing Callie’s girlfriend. They kept adding more, they keep adding more.

Now, on to my absolute favorite thing about this show.

Because, let’s make one thing clear, I hate cheating and under other circumstances the amount of cheating on this show would have driven me off it ten seasons ago. But despite all of the very forced romance drama and sex obsessed allos on the show, that is not the show’s main focus.

This was never mainly about the romance. It’s always been about the platonic relationships first and foremost. Romances changed and broke up and got complicated, but what prospered were the friendships and found family relationships.

Cristina and Meredith are the defining relationship of this show. They are... friendship portrayed in a way I have never seen friendship portrayed before. The writing on their dynamic is just amazing.

And when Cristina leaves the show, the shift to Meredith-Alex and to the sister-dynamic between Meredith, Maggie and Amelia really works.

Personally, after watching the show, I’ve come to divide it into three arcs, each with a Part A and a Part B.

The first arc of the show - spanning seasons 1 to 5 - are about Meredith, Cristina, George, Izzie and Alex. And they explore the dynamic between those five and the individual relationships between them all, so very well. This was really found family done right.

Arc 2 is what I dubbed the rebranding arc - seasons 6 to 10. In Part A (s6 to s8), we got the focus on the Mercy West merger, ending in the horrific plane crash. While Part B is what I call the outfall, season 9 dealing with the outfall from the plane crash and season 10 being all about that Meredith-Cristina outfall.

I love Arc 1 a whole lot, it’s really good. I think Arc 2 is good too, especially the plane crash and its outfall were very gripping and well done, but I do think that this middle part earns the dub as rebranding because it feels like the show itself is trying to find its footing, trying to figure out a direction after MAGIC graduated into residents (and, inevitably, fell apart with the death of George and the departure of Izzie). It’s a bit unfocused on where it wants to go and I still loathe the big misunderstanding nonsense of season 10 (but am glad that Meredith and Cristina rekindled before Cristina’s departure).

Arc 3 is the sisters arc, where the Meredith-Maggie-Amelia dynamic rules, with a more uneven split between A and B, because A spans seasons 11 to 16 for me and is lovingly dubbed the Merlex arc by me, while B is just... season 17; the corona pandemic is really shifting the tone and focus and it coincides with the departure of Alex.

I’m more mixed on it than I am on the other two. For me, Cristina and Meredith just are the heart and soul of the show, so despite just how brilliantly they handled that all, I still miss them (though I greatly appreciate the fact that she still regularly comes up through phone calls, texts, etc). I greatly disliked Alex’s departure (which is a rant of its own).

On the overall, I would actually rank them in order - the first five seasons were my favorite, followed by the awkward middle because it still added brilliant things to it regardless, and despite coming in last, I do also love the second half of the show with the sisters in the focus.

I do admit that I had high hopes that Jo would become Meredith’s new person in season 17, considering the tremendous growth their relationship had - especially considering how Meredith crawled into Jo’s bed and was the one to coax what had happened with her mother out of her; that was “my person” behavior, quite frankly, and I also thought that Alex’s departure might bring them closer. I truly did not like Alex’s parting words to Meredith that she’s always been her own person.

Well, duh. Meredith Grey is an absolute badass. Which, also a thing I love a lot about this show. She is so incredibly strong and brilliant and takes care of herself.

But the point of her having her person was never that she needed someone else to stand in for her; it was to have someone around whom she didn’t have to be that strong. Someone she could come to to be weak around, someone to have her back when everything became too much. You just... can’t do that for yourself. So that sentiment was just incredible rubbish and I will be very mad if they truly have her embrace that nonsense, because she deserves someone like that.

Lastly, let’s talk romantic relationships. Very broadly, I assure you - I wouldn’t even have the patience to tackle them all, I mean seriously everyone has had sex on this show, or so it feels (no but seriously, the amount of overlapping ships on this show is ridiculous).

The only note I do have on that is that... nothing lasts forever. Quite frankly, the most “endgame” ships on this show are Richard/Catherine and Ben/Miranda (which, bless them, those two are literally my favorite of the canon ships). Everything else is just... fair game? They change, they break up, even if you absolutely hate a ship - don’t worry, it’s gonna end soon.

And occasionally, that... is even more rewarding than seeing a couple you do like get together? I mean, honestly, watching a ship you dislike for x reasons and then having them break up on screen and a character actually listing x reasons to the other’s face? Very carthatic.

I also have to mention the adoption positivity; Meredith and Derek adopt a child, not as a last resort after all else has failed, but simply because they fell in love with that little girl, Ben and Bailey took in Joey, because they have big hearts. So often, adoption is only shown as that very, very last option after you wasted thousands of dollars on all other biological options and then it is like a tragic compromise or something. Seeing them just... fall in love with this baby and adopt her and love her is so refreshing?

This show is just... really, really good? The writing is brilliant. I mean, this show made me laugh more than some comedies have? It’s funny, poignant and... not overly dramatic? I mean, of course it’s dramatic - it’s a drama. But it’s more... grounded. Even with some outstandingly extreme things happening, it is still very down to Earth, compared to other dramas that feel the need to go higher and more bizarre each season. It’s incredibly consistent, it includes so much rep and actual plotlines for every character, it really draws out relationships - familiar, platonic, romantic - in such great details.

I just really love this show.

[sasuhinasno1fan]

Who is dating Adrien Agreste?- Adrien AUGreste Day 18

I wanted to try doing a fic about Adrien in someone else’s point of view instead of his so I hope I did it well. Let me know if you can guess who the colours in the flannel go to. Enjoy. @adrienaugust We Match

Nadja kept an eye out. It was France’s annual Couple’s Day festival. People, both celebrities and not, were all here with their significant others. She’d been trying to find some celebs other halves. She found Jagged Stone and his assistant sharing a kiss. It would have been a great find if Jagged hadn’t looked so unbothered by getting caught. Penny was red but looked ready to sue if need be. She had her eye out on one person though.

Adrien Agreste. Who was his significant other?

She’s narrowed it down to three people. Marinette Dupain-Cheng, her daughter’s main babysitter, designer and classmate/close friend of Adrien’s. they were almost always seen together and thanks to Jagged’s mistake during the shooting of a show (which happened when Penny was akumatized) it was clear she had feelings for him. Another choice was Luka Couffaine, the guitarist for Kitty Section. She’d see him around working as a delivery person and his house boat was always crowded with people from Adrien’s class. Adrien had posted pictures of the two of them a few times. The last one was Kagami Tsurugi, daughter of famed fencer. She was on the same fencing team as Adrien and always together at high class events.

To find the owner of the young model’s heart would be the biggest scope to come.

She finally found Adrien near the stand for the Tom & Sabine Boulangerie Patisserie. He wasn’t in his usual Agreste fashion wear. She’d seen Marinette’s designs often enough to recognise her work, even in black shirt and lightweight flannel hoodie Adrien wore. She noticed the hi-lo flannel dress she wore had the same pattern as Adrien’s flannel. Blue, red, black and gold. She had her camera guy focus on them as Marinette feed Adrien a cookie. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her forward, laughing around his cookie. She playfully shoved him, adjusting her thigh high socks. The two talked before she pressed a kiss on his cheek and waved as he started off somewhere else. Nadja quickly followed but she lost him in the crowd.

It had to be Marinette. Manon mentioned how red Marinette would get around Adrien but she looked completely confident around him. She’d never even seen him act like that around anyone. He was usually very quiet.

“Nadja, there he is.”

And there he certainly was, by the performance stage. With another person? It was Luka, the guitarist. He seemed to be in the middle of tuning his guitar but he seemed to be paying more attention to Adrien who had his arms around Luka’s neck, Luka’s firmly around his waist.

Was Adrien cheating? No, the kid made a huge deal about exposing that girl from his class who’d been lying, so no way he’d cheat. Maybe she’d been wrong about Marinette? Maybe she just became more confident around him? The two were laughing about something, talking and not moving from each other’s space. She happened to notice Luka had a flannel shirt wrapped around his waist. The colours stood out against his ripped black jeans. Adrien pressed a kiss to Luka’s cheek before Luka pressed one to his hand before letting him go. He watched Adrien disappear into the crowd before he went back to his guitar.

So, it had to be Luka. The way they held each other close screamed couple. What other explanation was there?

Of course, that was until she found Adrien again at another booth. It was an Ai-Ai Gasa or Love Love Umbrella charm booth. She spotted Kagami there, her usual uniform like outfit switched for an off the shoulder black top and a flannel pencil skirt. She was helping Adrien attach a charm to the case on his phone. He took it from her and dangled it in front of his face before pulling her into a tight hug, pressing a kiss to her head.

Had she been completely wrong? He and Luka looked so close, but this hug seemed to be too close to be friendly hug. She heard rumours about how the two rich kids had dated or where much closer than people assumed. Where they right?

                                                   ______________

The festival was over and Nadja and her camera man where back at TVi Studios going over the footage.

“Could he be cheating?”

“No. it doesn’t fit his personality.” Nadja defended.

“Do we even really know the kid?”

“This same kid outed a classmate who was on a massive lying spree. The girl could have destroyed a lot of people’s reputations with her words if he didn’t out her. It just seems like a lot to do if he’s going to lie to a few classmates himself.”

Her camera man nodded. “I suppose. But he’s a teenager, they make stupid mistakes.”

She felt like she was missing something. She brought up the different videos they got of Adrien and the three. It was right in front of her, on the tip of her tongue, but she couldn’t figure out what it was.

“Are they…all wearing the same clothes?”

“Huh?”

He pointed to the window that had Luka and Adrien in it. “Aren’t their shirts the same? Or is it considered different if Adrien’s own has a hood.”

She was about to say it was different when she realised something. In a way, all 4 of them were wearing the same thing. Black and flannel. Adrien’s shirt and hoodie, Luka’s jeans and flannel shirt, Marinette’s dress and socks and Kagami’s shirt and skirt.

“Hi Nadja. Here’s that research you asked for.” One of their college interns, Haru came by and handed her a stack of research. “Oh, cool. You found people in couple looks.”

“Pardon?” Nadja asked, confused.

“Their outfits.” Haru pointed out. “They match. It’s a huge thing in Korea that couples either wear similar clothing items or colours. See, the guys are in a black shirt and flannel and it matches the girls dress and skirt. Wait? Is that the same guy?”

“Haru, what you hear doesn’t leave this cubical.” Nadja ordered. “We’ve been trying to figure out who Adrien Agreste has been dating and these three are our lead suspects.”

“Well, he could be poly. Polyamorous, opening to dating more than one person. Though judging how everyone’s wearing the same colours and patterns, I think they all are. Of course, you could also tell from the Ai-Ai Gasa charm.” He said, pointing to the charm that was caught on Adrien’s phone.

It took a while to get a clip that had a clear shot and they zoomed in.

“I can’t read that.” She said, seeing the Japanese characters.

“That’s Luka. That one is Kagami. I’d take a wild guess that the other two names are Adrien and Marinette.” Haru said, slowly reading the characters and trying to translate them.

“So, he’s not dating one person, he’s dating 3. And the clothes are a subtle way of saying that?” her camera man said out loud.

“Seems like it. So, should I tell Arlette you’ve got a huge scope?” Haru asked.

Nadja stared at the screen, looking at the same smile Adrien had in all shots. If Adrien hadn’t made it public yet, then there had to be a reason. And she had one too.

“Delete it.”

“Huh?”

“Delete all the footage.”

“Nadja? Are you sure? this is the scope you were looking for.”

“Yes. I just remembered what happened the last time I went digging into someone’s love life.” No one could forget Prime Queen.

So, the footage was delated, the camera wiped clean. The next day she received a text message from Adrien himself. It was a picture of him, Kagami, Marinette and Luka, all in their matching clothes, showing off their matching charms as well.

‘I noticed you followed me yesterday but you haven’t said anything about my obvious relationship, which I guess means you’re not going to. I guess that means I can trust you with the real story when we’re ready to come out to the public. Do you think you can wait until then?’

She could wait. The real big scope would be worth it.

[heamarvel]

Holiday Movie Challenge Prompt and Badge lists

Hellooooo shippers of all Marvel ships!

This marks the kickoff to HEA (Happily Ever After) Marvel’s Holiday Movie Challenge! If you don’t know us, we’re a group of crafty mods under the direction of our own personal Pepper Potts ( @betheflame​​ ), so really, this is going to be great fun, and we hope that you’ll join us!

A brief intro to our event:

At no point do you need to sign up for this event. You are not beholden to post anything, even if you say that you will. This is a guiltless, fun event!

Pick a prompt, any prompt!

Interpret the prompt any which way you wish. We have prompt examples available for people to peruse on our blog and on our Discord, if you’re in need of a few examples.

Write (or art, podfic, or moodboard, etc.) any ship you want, even polyamorous relationships of any number or type (even if the prompts contain just two characters!).

Include additions from our badge list if you wish! They function like video game achievements (think World of Warcraft, or Xbox) and you will be rewarded with little achievement badges designed by the wonderful @kocuria​ that you can display anywhere you please.

The collection will open on November 1st and close on December 24th.

Around then we will provide a Google form to submit the badge info and other info for your fic.

BUT REMEMBER! All contributions to this event must have a Happily Ever After as per holiday movie standards (doesn’t mean there can’t be tons of angst and pain in the middle, though).

For any further info, please check out our Holiday Movie Challenge page, our Prompt and Badge page, our Frequently Asked Questions page, or ask us questions on Tumblr, Twitter, or on Discord! (Links on Tumblr.) 

But that’s enough mod-splaining, let’s take a look under the cut at the prompts and badges that we’ve been eagerly waiting to share with you!

*We have included both (1) images to download and save as well as (2) text for those who prefer or need that medium! The images are at the bottom of this post.

Here’s a separate post with just the images.

Prompts

1. Character A is a big city lawyer who swore to never go back to their hometown. Suddenly, their grandfather dies and leaves them the family Christmas Tree farm. They’re determined to go back and shut down the farm. Character B runs the farm and is determined to save it.

2. After losing their job as an au pair in New York, Character A accepts a position as a nanny in the castle of a small European principality no one has ever heard of. Character B is a single parent & ruler of the country.

3. When architect and Christmas amateur Character A finds themselves hosting their family for Christmas, they recruit holiday coordinator Character B to bring holiday joy to their home.

4. A high-powered executive reconsiders their priorities when car trouble leads them to Christmas Valley, a town in love with Christmas.

5. Two new students at nearby university, Character A and Character B, meet the first day of classes and become study partners. A local bookstore becomes a close part of their lives as their relationship grows.

6. Character A - a famous author who writes about how to stay single - is forced to look after their niece and nephew over the holidays. With the help of their Christmas-loving neighbor, Character B, they learn to find love and the Christmas spirit.

7. A young royal (Character A) escapes their entourage to explore New York City over Christmas. They meet Character B who shows the beautiful stranger their side of the city.

8. As Christmas approaches, Character A (the Lizzie Bennet character), a New York event planner, is sent to a quaint, small town to organize their holiday festival. When they arrive, they find Character B (the Darcy character), a high-profile billionaire lacking in holiday spirit, in the process of selling the charming estate they hoped to use as a venue.

9. An anxious bride-to-be (Character A, “bride” is non-gender assigned) throws in with broken-hearted and cynical Character B and a happily married couple for an emergency ride to NYC from New England.

10. Character A has to go to their cousin’s holiday wedding that’s taking place a year to the day they were left at the altar. Unable to face going alone, they con Character B into going “just as friends.”

11. When a restless young married Character A is granted a wish by a Christmas Angel to be single again, they soon discover their new life isn't what they bargained for, and embark on a quest to win Character B back.

12. Character A and Character B have been archrivals ever since a memorable fight over a coveted Christmas recital solo in elementary school. Now adults, they work side-by-side at the same school where they still constantly compete over everything. As the holiday season approaches, the entire school is getting into the spirit with the annual fundraising festival, which will feature an exciting new event - a teacher Christmas Cookie Bake-Off, judged by a tough five-star chef.

13. Character A inherited a toy factory. The town needs the factory to stay open, but they have no interest in being tied to their hometown. Especially when they find out that Character B - who broke their heart in high school - is the town’s mayor.

14. A WWII era nurse (Character A) is transported in time to 2019 and meets Character B who helps them discover the bonds of family and that the true meaning of Christmas is timeless.

15. Stranded at an airport at Christmastime, Character A accepts a ride from Character B, who has just rented the last car in town.

Badges

Length

500

1k

5k

10k

15k

20k+

Ships

We’ll be custom-making the badges for whatever ship you choose to bring to the table! (Just keep in mind our limits: no underage, no non-con, no nazis.) Popular ship or rarepair+, this group of multishipping mods would love to see whatever you choose to write!

General fic elements

Baking/Cooking

Needing a passport

Non-abled character

Neuro-diverse character

Passes the Bechdel Test

Set outside the United States

Addresses a legitimate societal ill/charity/cause

Character learns a craft as a coping mechanism

Someone eats popcorn in a dramatic scene

Mention or include a Hallmark store or movie

Character is tracing their genealogy

Character writes fanfiction

Character learns a new skill

NSFW

A/B/O

Sentinels & Guides

Soulmate-Identifying Marks

Historical AU: Scottish or Irish clans

Historical AU: Ancient Rome or Greece

Historical AU: Regency or Victorian

Historical AU: American West

Inclusion of animal other than a dog, cat, or horse

‘It Takes a Village’ (town or community helps them hook up)

Use of holiday other than Christmas - including non-winter holidays

One sentence or more spoken in a language other than Russian

Discussion on classic literature and/or classic rock ‘n’ roll

Write a pairing you’ve never written before

Holiday Movie and general tropes

Inversion/Subversion of any trope

Main character has a cuddly dog

Presence of a small town festival

'And they were roommates!'

Fake Relationship

Only One Bed

Snowball fight

Ice skating or Ice hockey

Interrupted first kiss

Stories from childhood

Sassy/nosy best friend

Conniving co-worker

Kid as matchmaker

Single parent

Holiday specific

Yule log

Playing Dreidel

Holiday movie pick: Die Hard

Use of the phrase “Santa! I know him!”

Home Alone style shenanigans, serious or not

Trying to balance an egg on the Solstice

A non-Jewish character mixes up Passover and Hanukkah

Writing format/style

Outsider POV

First Person POV

Text Message/Chat Room

3+ perspectives in one story

Dialogue Only

Epistolary

Avengers stereotypes/fanon

Thor is foreign

Bots as children

Tony has insomnia

Tony Is Worthy (of Mjolnir)

Tony as a non-Iron Man mechanic

Ceiling vent Clint Barton

Budapest Explanation

Natasha is a scary spy/likes sneaking

Super-Nanny Phil Coulson

Peter Parker being a klutz

Peter and Shuri team up on Tony

Bruce has anger management problems

Avengers Movie Night

Darcy uses her taser

Bucky speaks Russian

Steve and/or Bucky need to play catch up on modern and pop culture

Shrunkyclunks (Modern Steve/CA & non-Avenger Bucky)

Shrinkyclinks (Modern Bucky Barnes/Winter Soldier & non-CA Steve)

Side Character speaking role (any apply): Dr. Doom, Reed Richards, Galactus, Ghost Rider, Frank Castle, any Inhuman, any Runaway, Sif or one of the Warriors Three, Frigga, Amora or Lorelei

Set in a Marvel canon universe (even if not canon-compliant), for example: 1872, Noir

Mod Requests

Supernatural creatures

Gender swapped MC

Someone wears a tiara

Someone wears a kimono

Long-distance relationship

Snuggling to keep warm

1940s AU

Disclaimer: The above plot summaries in the prompt list belong to numerous movies in the Hallmark catalogue. We do not claim to own them, and are not making any money off of this, nor are we being paid by Hallmark to run this event.

Additionally, as of December 14th, 2019, we are no longer associating with Hallmark even in name, due to their poor choice to cave to pressure and remove an advertisement of a gentle, loving same-sex kiss occurring at their own wedding. We cannot and will not abide that.

[kitty-bandit]

Writer’s Ask Meme

Thought I would do this for a couple different fics I have going in general, because it’s just so fun! But first and foremost, I need do my baby project.

1: What are you currently working on?

Delinquent AU (tentatively called: A Beautiful Mess)

2: Summarize your current project.

Delinquent AU is a High School AU/Modern AU. The basic plot will follow Lavi as he moves in with his Grandfather for his Senior year of high school, where he meets Allen--a Sophomore with sticky fingers who Lavi cannot seem to avoid. Lavi will have to juggle school, his new dating life, as well as some family secrets that come to light.

3: Summarize your current project poorly.

Nerd falls for bad boy, ends up in polyamorous relationship and finds out dark secret about his past.

4: Describe your favorite character or characters.

In this AU, I’m absolutely in love with Alma. I’m writing them as genderfluid, which is a new experience for me in a longer fic. (I’ve previously only written trans/nb characters in short fics.)

They weren’t even supposed to have such a big role in the story, as Kanda, Alma, and Lenalee are mostly side characters to the main plot, but Alma and Kanda are getting their own story within Lavi, Allen, and Tyki’s. I’m basically writing two main plot lines, all because Alma was too cute.

5: Post a line from your current project without any context.

He was starting to think the Universe took some perverse pleasure in watching him suffer.

6: How do you get through writers block?

I have three methods--

I’ll push through and keep writing, even if I hate what I’m writing, until I get through the block. This method is painful af, but it usually works.

I’ll take a break and clear my head in the hopes that the right words will come to me. I’ll usually do this method if the first doesn’t work. But I won’t take more than a couple days off, otherwise it’ll be too hard to get back into the swing of writing.

If the first two methods don’t work, I’ll work on a different project just to remind myself that I can write. When I get my spirits back up, I go back to the pain-in-the-ass project and make myself finish it.

7: Would you want to live in the world of your current work?

It’s just a normal, Modern AU. So...no. XD

8: Briefly discuss your outlining process (if you outline).

For this AU, I spent a lot of time figuring out characters. Each main character and recurring side character has their own page in my Scrivener document. Personality, hobbies, class schedule (HS AU, remember? XD), relationships. Once I had the basics for the characters outlined, I worked on main plot points.

I’m STILL plotting little bits and pieces two years after I’ve started this mess, so outlining for me is always a long, drawn out process. But I’ve had the main plot points and timeline typed up for over a year now. Basically when I outline, I decide the beginning, the end, and the main plot points in between. After that, I work around the gaps and fill them as best I can. It’s a Process™, but it works for me.

9: What is the aesthetic of your current project.

I’ll do a bit of word association for this one. I’m no good at editing pictures for aesthetics.

✧ Quiet libraries ✧ Long drives to nowhere ✧ Turning your music up so loud you can’t hear your own thoughts ✧ Trapped in your own skin, unable to breathe ✧ Hurried kisses in the back of a parked car, fogging up the windows ✧ Cutting class ✧ Slipping into bedroom windows late at night ✧ Parents just don’t understand

10: What song sums up your current work the best?

Oh, geez. I have quite a few right now. I’ll try to narrow it down to one song per artist on my list. Let me see here...

♪ They Don’t Know About Me and You -- Chuck Prophet ♪ Queer -- Garbage ♪ Follow You Down -- Gin Blossoms ♪ A Beautiful Mess -- Jason Mraz ♪ Bad Kids -- Lady Gaga ♪ Trying -- Lifehouse ♪ Can’t Stop -- Maroon 5 ♪ Wonderwall -- Oasis ♪ Soul to Squeeze - Red Hot Chili Peppers ♪ Tripping - Robbie Williams ♪ Semi-Charmed Life -- Third Eye Blind

[elsalapizza]

Fic: What’s in a Name?

Relationship: Castiel/Dean Winchester Word count: 2,500 Square filled: Poly fic (#15) for @spnfluffbingo​ Written for day #22 of @notfunnydean ’s advent calendar “Rocking around the Christmas tree” Summary: Dean is a ballroom dancer who can't find a date. His brother is a ballroom dancer in a happy polyamorous relationship. Castiel is a journalist writing about a ballroom dancing Christmas competition. Things get complicated. Read it on Ao3

--

Dean knew very well that most people didn’t consider competitive ballroom dancing to be a very manly sport. Hell, most people didn’t even consider it to be a sport at all. Dean had made his peace with it a long time ago, and frankly he didn’t care too much what people thought anyway.

Well he did care a little bit. But only in the way it affected his dating life. Because believe it or not, but most women he would be interested in thought he was gay, and most men he would be interested in thought he was dating his dancing partner. As neither of those statement was true, it made Dean’s little bisexual heart pretty lonely.

What was the most unfair of all though, was that Sam, who’d been ballroom dancing almost as long as Dean, did not have this problem at all. Actually dating your dancing partner did that to someone. And that option wasn’t even available to Dean, because Sam had the audacity to also be dating Dean’s partner. Dean was well aware there wasn’t anything dubious about it; they’d explained their polyamorous thing to him when they’d started it, and what the three of them had honestly seemed awesome, but still. It was very unfair that Dean had to be alone and his brother dated two awesome chicks. (Well, one awesome chick and Ruby.)

So Dean resolved to focus all of his attention on dancing. And more precisely, on dancing for the Rocking Around the Christmas Tree holidays competition that took place every year in December.

As much as ballroom dancing was the Winchester family business, the RACT—as it was easier to call it—had been their nemesis. Dean and Sam had both failed in the semis numerous times, and their parents, who’d been ballroom dancing state champions in their time, had also never managed to bag that one. It was during a RACT final that Grandpa Campbell had broken his toe back in the sixties, barring him from dancing for several months afterwards.

Needless to say, the stakes were high. Dean insisted on doubling the number of training sessions in preparation for the RACT, and he could feel Jo hating him for it a little bit. But Dean wanted to win, and he didn’t care that Sam and Ruby weren’t as invested in the competition, and that he encroached on the fun times Jo could have with them. They had a chance to win, and even though it didn’t mean as much to Jo as it did Dean, they had to try.

But the point was: Dean was good, he really was, and he and Jo had progressed a lot during this last year. Dean sincerely thought that if they didn’t win the RACT this year, they never would. Sam was good too, but Dean and Jo had always ranked a bit better than Sam and Ruby, so he didn’t really worry about this competition. Dean even sometimes thought of himself as the Serena to Sam’s Venus, but the analogy only worked so far: one, Dean was good at dancing but not as good as Serena was at tennis, and two, the public for ballroom dancing competitions was rather confidential, so nobody actually knew who they were, making it a rather moot point.

Winning this thing was right now the most—the only—important thing in Dean’s life, but nobody but the true ballroom dancing aficionados actually cared at all.

Which was why it was such a fucking surprise to find a bona fide journalist there one day before the beginning of the RACT. Not just a student working for his college newspaper or an old lady who would send her impression of the competition to her local rag to be published. No, this guy had the credentials for a national newspaper, and seemed to be interested specifically in the Winchester brothers’ performances.

He was a real journalist, and a good looking one too. Dark hair and clear eyes, and Dean was struck. It might not be true, but in this one instant, Dean felt like he had never seen a man so pretty before.

“Hello, Mr. Winchester. Would you have the time to answer a few questions?” the man asked, with a deep gruff voice Dean felt like drowning in.

Dean was so stunned to have someone so beautiful ask him for an interview, that he gaped for a good thirty seconds before he remembered to actually answer the question.

“Yeah, sure. Why not. I can answer a few questions,” he managed to say sufficiently intelligibly that the journalist nodded and got out notebook and pen.

“How long have and your brother been performing in ballroom dancing competitions?” The man asked pretty dryly.

All right, so this was very obviously an assignment he had not asked for. But what was Dean thinking? No journo worth their while would ask to cover a Christmas-themed ballroom dancing competition in the middle of Kansas.

“Um, we’ve been dancing ever since we were kids, and started competing right when we reached the legal entering age,” said Dean. “I’ve been dancing with Jo from the beginning, and Sam has been dancing with Ruby for about five years now.”

“How many times have you failed to win the Rocking Around the Christmas Tree competition?”

“Wow. Thanks for that. What did you lose to have to come cover this competition?” Dean generally tried not to be rude, but his stance was that if the other person was rude first, it was completely justified.

The journalist seemed a bit taken aback by Dean’s intensity, then after a pause when he obviously realized what he’d just sounded like, began again, “I apologize. I am used to interviewing hostile politicians with whom you have to get to the point fast or risk never getting answers. This kind of…interest piece is a first for me.”

The guy looked genuinely sorry, so Dean decided to give him a break. “All right. Let’s do it over. I am a bit disappointed you’re not a big wig sportscaster, but I can work with an interest piece, I guess.”

“So, er…I know you have a history with this particular competition. Would you like to talk a bit about it?”

That was way better. Dean smiled his most charming smile while answering, and hoped it wasn’t too obvious how much he wanted this guy to take him out and call him sweet names, then make sweet love to him.

They talked for a while, and it went well, better than that really. By the time Dean needed to get back to his training, it didn’t even feel like an interview anymore.

Dean had learnt that the journalist’s name was Castiel (but he’d already decided in his head that he would be calling him Cas) and that he was coming from out east for a new column in his newspaper that was supposed to draw better pictures of “forgotten America”. It sounded a little bit like crap, but Cas was just so genuine about it and about doing justice to people that weren’t always given a voice, that Dean couldn’t help but being charmed.

They’d agreed to continue the conversation around a cup of coffee after Dean was finished with rehearsal, and Cas even stayed to watch while Dean and Jo started practicing their dance routine. Dean could feel his gaze on them the whole time. At one point Cas even got a camera out. Dean couldn’t help but feel more self-conscious about his sweat and the general unkempt air he knew he had during training.

Jo, if her smug look was anything to go by, was obviously well aware of what was going on. Dean was tempted to make her pay for it, but so close to the RACT, he couldn’t afford to antagonize her (even if she didn’t mind antagonizing him).

After they’d done their routine enough times that Dean was satisfied (for now), he went directly under the shower, scrubbing himself thoroughly and maybe taking a little more time than necessary on arranging his hair.

When he got back in the main room, Cas was interviewing Jo. And, all right, that was fair. His article wasn’t supposed to be entirely on Dean, it was normal that he would interview Jo too. They were a team, and even if Dean was a bit of a control freak, they participated equally in any of their successes or losses.

Dean noticed pretty smugly though that Cas didn’t look at Jo the in the same captivated way that he had looked at Dean. Dean waited for Cas to be finished, far enough that he couldn’t eavesdrop on them, but still was deadly curious about what Jo was telling him and whether it involved Dean.

Dean felt pretty excited and confident with his not-a-date-but-still-kind-of-a-date with Cas, but when Cas came towards him once he had finished with Jo, he had traded his nice smile for a thoughtful frown.

“Listen, Dean, I am not sure coffee was such a good idea. I have to focus on my article, and it would be detrimental to it if I got too close to its subjects,” Cas blurted out in one breath before getting out, not even leaving Dean the time to answer.

Dean felt like the floor had opened up beneath his feet. He’d been so sure there was a spark there between him and Cas, and yet… What the hell had happened between their earlier conversation and now for Cas to have so completely changed his mind about Dean?

He asked Jo if she had said anything unsavory about him, but she swore she had not uttered his name once during her conversation with Cas.

Dean spent most of the afternoon, and the evening, and the night thinking about Cas and what could have gone wrong. When he hadn’t found an answer the next day—and as he was fucking tired from tossing and turning all night—he decided to let it go. This wasn’t the first time one of his crushes had gone to shit. He was used to disappointment in the matter of the heart, and why should this one be any different? He had a competition to focus on, and most importantly to win.

Cas was just some guy who would leave for his fancy east-coast job sooner rather than later, and even if the coffee-date had happened, it certainly would have lead nowhere anyway.

Dean unilaterally decided to stop thinking about Cas. There was some dancing to do.

It was, unfortunately, a way easier thing said than done. Because Cas was a diligent journalist, and of course he wouldn’t miss one minute of the competition. Dean could see him in the audience every time he glanced towards them, and it definitely didn’t help his stress levels.

They did manage to win their quarter final though, and when it was announced that the semis would be against Sam and Ruby, Dean knew that if he didn’t clear the air with Cas, he would never be able to concentrate enough to beat his brother.

(He may well pretend to be the Serena to Sam’s Venus, but he was always more stressed about competing directly against Sam because there was a part of him that wanted his little brother to win too.)

So before he could discuss strategy with Jo, for whom being against Sam and Ruby was even worse given her relationship with them, he turned around and started to make his way towards the spot he’d spied Cas last.

But before he could go very far, Cas was in front of him with a look on his face very different from the cultivated indifference he’d seen for the last few days.

“Dean,” Cas said before Dean could say anything. In Cas’s mouth, Dean’s name sounded like a revelation and Dean realized that it was actually the first time Cas had spoken his name. Dean expected Cas to go on, say what he had to say, but all he did was repeat himself. “Dean,” he said once more, with even more awe in his voice.

There was definitely something beyond Dean’s understanding going on here.

“Uh, yeah, that’s my name. What’s up with you, Cas?”

“I…have a confession to make,” Cas said, his eyes down. “I might have made a terrible mistake.”

“I don’t understand—” Dean started before Cas cut him off.

“I thought you were Sam.”

“What? I don’t understand…” Dean trailed of. This didn’t make sense. How could Cas think he was Sam? Wasn’t he supposed to be writing an article on them? How could he not know their identity?

“I—ah. I am bad with names and I knew you were one of the Winchester brothers, but I didn’t know which. But when I talked with Jo and she kept gushing about Sam, I’d naturally concluded that being your partner, it would be you she was talking about. She was also hinting at being in a relationship with Sam, and because I knew your brother was dating his partner, there was no doubt in my mind that you were with Jo and…well. I felt a bit disappointed and even angry that you would flirt with me so blatantly if you were in a relationship... And so far in the competition, they only used your family names each time, and it is only now that you’ll be competing against each other that they said your first names and that I realized how dire my mistake has been…”

This was a lot to take in, and Dean wasn’t sure the few seconds it took Cas to word-vomit it all would be enough. When he thought about it though, it was true that Cas had only called him Mr. Winchester at the beginning of their interview, and Dean hadn’t actually taken the time to fucking introduce himself. And Jo seemingly had been telling the truth when she said she hadn’t spoken a word about Dean to Cas, which had actually created the problem in the first place. Screw his brother and his perfect relationship that none of the outside world seem to really comprehend.

“I can’t believe it,” Dean finally said. “You thought…you thought I was—”

“I thought you were taken,” Cas interrupted, and Dean definitely could get used to such forwardness. “So, if you’re able to forgive me for withdrawing from that coffee date… I would like it if we could start over.”

Dean didn’t know he could be so relieved to be hearing these words from Cas. He’d tried to pretend he didn’t care, but he hadn’t fooled even himself. Knowing he had a chance with Cas after all was everything.

“You know, this isn’t the first time we’ve had to start over, but I’ll definitely allow it,” Dean said, feeling his smile pulling at his cheeks. “So when are you free for that coffee?”

“Whenever you are,” Cas answered, and Dean could tell this was not just a line.

“All right. I’ll win this thing and I’m all yours.”

And because Cas looked at him like he believed in Dean so much, Dean did too. He would definitely win that thing. Looking at Cas’s smile, he already felt like he had.

[ourintertwiningstars]

Queen of Air and Darkness (Spoilery) Thoughts

I read the whole damn book, and the entire shadowhunters saga before it. that’s the background i have before i go off below.

SPOILERS BELOW

1) I really, really like how, in this book, Julian *earned* the “ruthless” and “calculating” persona that the author and the narrative always seemed to apply to him in the trilogy. I’ve always loved the idea of portraying someone who could be fundamentally kind-hearted and sweet while capable of being cunning and duplicitous. The author in the past referenced how Emma’s more straight-forward character versus Julian’s reliance on schemes reflect the opposite traits their genders are usually associated with, but the books used to always put this on Emma’s shoulders to be the next “Jace” (alpha leader and warrior) rather than really show us a Julian who is sweet to his family, but more than willing to do insane things with trickery rather than flashy swords. This book changed that, and I’m glad although I wasn’t a fan of a lot of his decisions this book. I definitely felt like at the least, whatever I thought of him, he had *earned* the reputation the narrative and author placed on him. There aren’t many male characters in fiction with as sophisticated in role as Julian (Jace, as great as he is, is definitely a stereotype, as is Simon). The closest parallel I can come to is Peeta, but Julian is definitely distinct in his style as a character.

2) I did not see the AU thing coming. At all. It wasn’t a shocker so much as a “what?” I really liked the idea of the main characters wandering in and interacting with a fictional alternate universe, as well as the characters talking with alternate versions of the people they knew. I think it was 100% intentional that Clary died at the Battle of the Burren and not later in the narrative of the Mortal Instruments, because it is pretty clear in this book and in the TMI series that Sebastian would have forced Clary to be completely *his* if he won while she was alive. The author made the smart bet that Clary is better off dead without that happening to her than keeping her alive in the alternate universe, and putting her in that situation where she would have become Endarkened and/or Sebastian’s “queen.” Not just better off because of the plot persay, but better off because that would be sadistic as a writer to do upon the narrative, and the alternate universe is already plenty sadistic without adding that element in. 

3) I’m really, really curious about Thule!Jace. If Sebastian is dead, is he himself again? How much of himself can he be after being a killer for many years, and an aid to the apocalypse? Also, Julian killing Thule!Julian to save Thule!Livia was...wow. It definitely mirrored Achilles killing Hector while Hector was wearing Achilles’ former armor, making it seem like Achilles was killing himself (and he was). I definitely wish that was played on, or used as a subtle hint of foreshadowing. It was just a metaphor, which is fine, but I would have liked to see the implications of it dissected more.

4) I’m not the author, but something I felt very strongly about was that Livia should not appear in the books after her death. Not as a ghost, not in an alternate universe. Thule!Livia was really cool, and I get the point that the author was trying to make-she got to be the chosen one in the alternate universe as recompense for being murdered in the real world-but I think it’s really problematic to be like “death can’t be messed with” and then have said dead character pop up every two minutes. Real death isn’t like that. Nobody is going to see their loved ones again until after death, not as a ghost, not as a alternate universe anything. Pulling that kind of move comes off as fan-service, and cheapens the death of Livia. If the point is to make Livia’s death heart-breaking and tragic-because it is-than the narrative needs to commit to the fact that she is dead. No pop-up visits, no alternate version of her, nothing. At best maybe, a vision of the past or what could have been but not this. Also, Ty was being stupid, and he was being so stupid that I think the narrative wanted to make him stupid more than I believed he actually was that stupid. If you’re going to have someone go the whole “i’m gonna bring my loved one back from the dead,” you gotta go all the way Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood, or don’t bother. That manga *earned* the story it got out of that narrative, and this one was a weak echo.

5) A lot of this book felt like set-up for the Wicked Powers more than it felt like specifically part of this trilogy. This was true of City of Heavenly Fire, and this wasn’t as bad, but it was annoying. Annabelle, for all her glory on the cover and the namesake of the book, is barely a factor in the plot’s narrative. She gets killed off with little repercussion or discussion, and Horace is swiftly disposed of. Which, fine, but you have to earn that. That wasn’t earned in the narrative. Dane and Samantha Larkspears’ deaths were well-done and haunting in their own ways.

6) I think Zara and Manuel are gonna be the villains of the Wicked Powers, which I am very much looked forward to seeing that dynamic play out. 

7) Christina’s polyamorous relationship felt...tacked in. The build-up for her and Kieran to have feelings for each other literally was only in this book. It’s not that such a dynamic is impossible to pull off, it just felt very apparent that this was shoe-horned in the last book instead of naturally developing. Mark and Kieran, I buy. Mark and Christina, I buy. Kieran and Christina? Eh. I will, but I’m not entirely sold if that was a natural progression of the narrative or a demand of the narrative on them.

8) I love Clary and Jace in this book. The roles felt clear and I could see them as themselves. Simon and Isabelle got drastically cut-they’re barely cameos-while Alec and Magnus are supporting characters throughout the trilogy. 

9) Ash is interesting. I genuinely don’t know how that dynamic will play out. I really hope he’s not another Evil Morgenstern bc...we’ve got enough of those. I don’t mind mysterious/grey, but he better not be the Villain of the next trilogy. That said, I wanna see where his character goes because he clearly is not fitting into any boxes of savior/victim. Tbh, there’s no reason he should have wings at all.

10) Diego got a really hot scar across his face that screams “I watched the Force Awakens.” Which is fine, because I can appreciate dramatic scars across the face. Additionally, there are such strong Hamilton references in this book that as I read it, I literally thought to myself “and the author discovered Hamilton while writing this book.”

11) Horace got disposed of so quickly in the overall saga that it’s annoying that he got built up so high by the narrative. He barely lasted two books before getting neatly killed off. 

12) I honestly feel like the author kinda moved on from doing a series on a supernatural universe with all sorta of creatures to fixating on faeries. The last 4 books in the Shadowhunters saga have focused primarily on the faeries, with background attention to other creatures. 

13) I want the world for Dru. Really. She’s the character I’m the most excited to see in the Wicked Powers. 

[elliedoes]

Everlong - Chapter One

Dean x Reader x Sam

The world has gone to shit. You’ve got the undead trying to eat your flesh, a whining teenager to look after, and a few secrets that you need to keep. The Winchesters are the last thing you need, but the only thing you want.

Warnings: Mild descriptions of violence, adult language, drug and alcohol use, polyamorous relationship (no wincest).

Note: This is my first attempt to write in a very, very long time. Please, I would love any and all feedback!

Series Masterlist - Masterlist

According to Trevor, the high school freshman you found alone and scared, huddled in a Gas ‘n Sip, it had been 173 days since the dead started rising and 4 since you’ve had more than a half can of peaches each. “Stop complaining and look around,” you snapped at him, shoving him down the aisle of the grocery store, though the shelves were heavily scavenged by the time you got there.

“‘Sno use,” he whined, but shuffled along, backpack open and ready.

You headed two aisles over looking for first aid or hygiene items, not that the latter meant much anymore since you were both caked in dirt and the last time you found running water it was barely deep enough for you to drink out of. Still, you were low on bandages and antiseptic, both of which Trevor needed with the nasty cut he got a couple of days ago, the last thing you needed was it to get infected.

“Pork and beans,” he called out through the shelves, “I hate pork and beans.”

“Food’s food,” you replied, picking up an open box of tampons, weighing the options of needing them. You dump what’s left into the front pocket of your bag and moved on, finding a couple boxes of bandaids and a package of gauze. “Find any crackers?”

“Two boxes,” Trevor confirmed. “You?”

“Not as much as I hoped.” You found your way down the toiletry aisle. There was floss left, which would help in a desperate need for sutures, and couple bottles of mouthwash. You dumped what you could in your pack and rejoined the teen to toss whatever canned thing you could find and carry. “It’s gonna get dark soon.” He nodded and zipped up his backpack, shouldering it with a grunt.

The creak of the door on the far side of the store caused you both to freeze. Trevor’s eyes widened, his fingers closed around the axe that hung from his side. You nodded once and pulled out the pistol from the back of your waistband and you two tiptoed towards the sound.

“Two ganked,” a voice rumbled from the stockroom making your blood run cold. Geeks you could have handle, but humans were another issue.

“These look like fresh kills,” a second voice noted. You motioned for Trevor to get behind you and pressed up against the wall near the door. “We should try the next store.”

“It’s getting dark,” the first voice sighed and pushed the doors open towards you, blocking your view for a moment, “if there’s anyone in here, we’ll just ask for a couple of cans and head out, no harm done.”

The second man snorted, following the first through into the main part of the store, “It took the zombie apocalypse to help you find your manners?”

“I’ve always had manners,” the first guy paused, rounding on the second, taller man, and pointed a finger, “I only used them when necessary.” His eyes left his partner and landed on you and Trevor, both stiff from fear, but weapons drawn in defense. “Oh, woah, hey,” he greeted, putting both of his hands in the air when you cocked your gun.

The taller man turned slowly to face you, his hands going up like the other’s, face pulled into a worried pout. “Hey there, we’re friendly.”

The skeptical look on your face had them exchange glances and the shorter guy stepped forward, hands still raised, “Don’t shoot, alright? I’m Dean, this is Sam. We’re here just looking for food like you are, probably. You must’ve heard us, right? We’ll get a couple of cans and head on our way.”

You kept your gun pointed at then, but you turned to catch a glimpse of Trevor. The poor kid was white knuckling the handle of his axe, but he gave you a silent nod. “There’s a few left,” you tell them, nodding your chin towards the shelves nearby.

“Thanks,” the one named Sam smiled and started to back away.

“You mind lowering your gun,” Dean chuckled lightly, clearly in no way actually nervous.

Your face hardened, “Sorry, Dean, but I can’t.” The last guy you trusted took your hunting rifle and three days worth of food, breaking Trevor’s ribs in the process. The poor kid had been through enough already, you were not going to put him in harm’s way again.

“Yeah,” Dean nodded, “okay, I get it.” He looked from you to Trevor, offering the boy a smile which was hesitantly returned. “You’re lucky you’ve got your big sis looking after you.”

“She’s not my sister,” Trevor mumbled, but stepped closer to you.

“Family don’t end in blood, kid. If she’s watching out for you like this, she’s your sister,” Dean insisted. There was no further protest from Trevor, but he didn’t agree, either. You knew the kid’s backstory, you weren’t offended, but it looked like Dean was.“You two got names?”

“Y/N,” you stiffly replied. “This is Trevor.” Your eyes left Dean for a moment and scanned the store for Sam. You could hear cans being dropped into his pack. “Sun’s getting low, you two should probably get going.”

“Sammy,” Dean shouted over his shoulder, “we good?”

“Yeah,” Sam called back, accompanied by the zip of his bag. His hands were back in the air when he returned, a soft smile on his face, “thanks.”

“Don’t need to thank me,” you shrugged, “I don’t own the store.”

“Sweetheart, you’ve got a 9mm pointed at our faces, you own whatever you want,” Dean quipped which earned a sigh from Sam. “But we got what we needed, we’ll head out.” He nudged Sam to go first and he started to follow. “Unless you two wanna tag along?”

Your eyes narrowed and you could feel Trevor stiffen beside you. “I think we’re better on our own, Dean, no offense.”

“Hey,” he said with a half smile, “none taken. You seem like good people and you can obviously handle yourself. We just thought we could help you get you to where you needed to be. Me and my brother used to hunt all kinds of weird crap before the world went to shit, we kept people like you safe from stuff like it. Still do, I guess.”

“What do you mean,” you asked as you took a step back towards Trevor. Whoever these guys were, they obviously had a few screws loose and you didn’t want them any closer to the boy.

“Zombies aren’t the only thing out there. We were in Maine handling a nest of vampires when this shit went down,” Dean explained which you scoffed at. “Oh, so dead people popping up and eating flesh is acceptable, but vampires aren’t?”

Trevor squeaked, “I believe you.”

“Smart kid,” Dean smiled and tossed a wink the boy’s way.

“It took you five months to get from Maine to Georgia,” you asked skeptically.

“We took some detours,” Sam interjected. “Believe it or not, this isn’t the first apocalypse that’s we’ve been apart of.”

Dean rolled his shoulders annoyance, “Just the only one that happened to actually slip by and happen.”

“Anyway,” Sam rolled his eyes, “we thought we could reverse it, you know? Like it was some kind of demonic virus, but those would be more 28 Days Later than Dawn of the Dead.”

“I thought it was some kind of wish, like some kid in mom’s basement wanted to live out a video game,” Dean threw in with a scowl.

“But there’s nothing powerful enough to grant a wish on this kind of scale,” Sam countered, slightly annoyed with his brother’s interruptions. “But, we thought we’d head to the CDC to see if they had anything there.”

“We ran out of gas just outside of Jasper, been hoofin’ it ever since,” Dean finished.

“The CDC’s gone,” you tell them. “Those things are swarming the place. Everyone had the same idea as you, I guess.” The brothers exchanged a look and Dean muttered a few expletives. “There’s a rumor that Fort Benning is supposed to be safe, but when’s that ever worked in a zombie movie?”

Dean grinned at that, but turned his attention back to Sam, “Well, we’ve gotta have something in the bunker about this, guess we should just head home.”

“Bunker? Are you guys like those Doomsday people,” you ribbed.

“Not really,” Sam shook his head, “it’s kind of hard to explain. It was built a while ago, but it could withstand a nuke. There’s plenty of space.” The look he gave you was a silent question and one that peaked your interest. You didn’t know these guys from a hole in the ground and they were bat-shit crazy, but if they had a bunker, it’d be somewhere safe until you figured something out or the world ended completely or they murdered you in your sleep. “It’s in Kansas.”

“What makes you sure it’s still safe?” You can hear Trevor move from behind you. He trusted you with his life, but these guys looked like they were built for this, comfortable in world full of crazy. You weren’t sure if that was a good or bad thing, but Trevor was going to go with them given the chance and you knew it.

“It’s the safest place on earth, nothing from heaven or hell could get in,” Dean bragged, “so I’m sure it could keep a few zombies out. So, if you wanna come along, we can keep you safe, just as long as you don’t do anything stupid.”

“Like trust two guys we just met who are spouting off crap about demons,” you chaffed.

“Yeah,” Sam chuckled, “like that.”

You didn’t need to look at Trevor to know his answer, but you did. There was a hopeful look in his eyes, one you hadn’t seen since you found him weeks ago. “Fine,” you sighed and finally put away your gun, “but if you even look at him funny, I will kill you.”

The brothers put their hands up in submission once again. “You’re the boss, lady,” Dean yielded. “But we should get going. We’ve got a place a mile east of here and dark’s gonna come quick.” Your own camp was in the opposite direction, but held nothing of importance, just a spot you knew was safe, at least for the night.

Sam was the first out, Trevor on his heels, while you fell into step with Dean to bring up the rear. “How’d you end up with the kid?”

You side eyed Dean at his question and hooked your thumbs into the straps of your pack. “Found him in a gas station near Macon. He was held up in the broom closet, alone and starving. I don’t know how he survived, but his family got attacked there. I cleaned the place out and found him huddled up there.”

“What are you like a super soldier,” Dean teased.

“I had someone with me at the time,” you rolled your eyes. “But Trevor’s been on my ass ever since. He’s a good kid, really smart, really good with electronics and shit. Hotwired all the cars we came across.”

Dean hummed in acknowledgement. “So what happened to the other person?”

Your shoulders tensed and your jaw clenched, “Long story.”

“Ah,” he nodded, smart enough to drop it. “We found a group two weeks in, they were nice people, but stupid as hell. We managed to get them to Tennessee and they decided they were better off held up in a cabin. Sam and I went to do some digging on this mess, came back to check on ‘em, all turned.”

“Seems to be the way of the world now,” you frowned. “Can’t afford to make attachments.” Your eyes were trained on the back of Trevor’s head. He and Sam were getting along from the way he was animatedly talking.

“Well, you gotta keep family close,” Dean disagreed. “You won’t be able to survive alone in a world like this.”

“My family’s probably dead,” you replied evenly.

Dean shook his head. “That kid obviously needs you and I’m guessing you’d die before you let anything about to him.” Your silent scowl was answer enough. “We’ll keep you guys safe, just don’t go looking for trouble.”

Your frown deepened, but you remained silent. The two of you watched Sam and Trevor talk, mostly about the vampires the guys mentioned before. “So, on top of zombies, we gotta worry about vampires,” you grumbled.

“Haven’t ran into any since the start of all this, but yeah, they could still be a threat. Werewolves, demons, freaking angels,” Dean sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face. “It’s not enough that we have to deal with that shit every day, but now actual zombies.”

You exhaled, your face pinched, “Is there anything else I need to worry about?”

“Other humans,” Dean offered jokingly.

“Yeah, they’re already on my radar,” you make a show of eyeing him warily. If Sam and Dean wanted to hurt you, they would’ve tried it already. It wouldn’t be the first time it happened and probably not the last. Even if they were playing the long con, you wouldn’t let them get very far, at least not without putting up a fight.

Dean laughed hardily and shook his head, “Normally I’d be offended, but it looks like you’ve been through some shit, so I can’t blame you. Trust me, if we wanted to hurt you, we would’ve. Me and Sammy are people persons, pillars of the community.”

“Seems like it,” you snorted.

“Y/N,” Trevor turned to look at you, “Sam says that their bunker has a whole library of magic.”

“I keep telling you, kiddo, Hogwarts isn’t real,” you deadpanned, but that didn’t sour Trevor’s mood one bit. He turned right back to Sam and the two continued their conversation. “Now he’s never gonna leave you alone.”

“Sam can handle him,” Dean assured you with his gaze bouncing between the two. “They’re two peas in a nerdy pod.”

You followed the Sam along the road, stopping only to deal with a few stray walkers. It was dusk and zombie activity always kicked up at night for whatever reason, so you hoped you could get somewhat close to their camp before the hordes started to form. Dean must’ve felt the same as he tilted his head up the sky and squinted, “Shouldn’t have wasted all that time back there.”

You should’ve felt guilty, but you didn’t. “You could’ve left us.”

“Yeah,” he agreed, “but Sam would’ve felt guilty and made us go back and find you. Trust me, it saved us the headache.”

Your eyes raked over Sam’s tall frame, his broad shoulders shook lightly with laughter. “I’m guessing he’s the bleeding heart?”

Dean followed your gaze to his brother, “Sometimes. Every man’s got a soft side.”

Your lips pulled up into a grin and you turned your attention to the man next to you, “What does yours look like?”

“Maybe you’ll find out,” he replied coolly.

“You two are gross,” Trevor called back to you.

“Shut up and keep walking, bud,” you reached out to lightly shove at the kid’s shoulders. Trevor whined in returned, turning to bat at you playfully before getting lost in another conversation with Sam. “This is the most relaxed I’ve seen him in a long time.”

“You gotta feel for him,” Dean sighed. “I mean he’s probably been worried he’d lose you, too. At least he knows you’re safe now.” You raised a brow. “You’ve got more eyes watching your back,” he expanded. “You know, I’m sure you kick ass, but you look like shit, sweetheart, no offense.”

“I haven’t slept more than two hours in the last three days,” you quietly confessed. “I’m running on caffeine pills and a slowly breaking will.”

Dean sucked on his teeth. “Well, as soon as we get back to camp, you’re crashing. I got a bedroll with your name on it.” Both your brows shot up at the implication and he held up a hand, “Relax, I’ll be taking the first watch.”

“Mhm,” you murmured, eyes narrowing.

“Fine, Sam can take first watch and we can snuggle up real tight,” Dean murmured playfully.

“I’d rather sleep alone,” you admitted, “at least until I can see straight.” You two shared a grin and fell silent, keeping watch for any more threats while the two up front yammered on.

It was night by the time you got the house they squatted in, its fence lined with cans on a string, a primitive alarm system, but at least it would work on walkers. The tiny one story home had a split floor plan that allowed you and Trevor to pass out on one side and Sam and Dean to keep watch on the other.

Just as he said, Dean spread out their bedrolls for the both of you. “Thank you,” you whispered as Trevor curled up on Sam’s asleep almost immediately.

“Said we’d take care of you,” he shrugged and started to leave, but you caught his wrist. “Want me to stay,” he teased and slid up to you, slowly licking his lips.

“I’m serious, Dean. You guys didn’t have to do this, thank you,” you reiterated earnestly.

“‘Swhat we do, sweetheart.” He placed a hand over yours and gave it a squeeze. When you released your hold on him, he winked. “Get some rest. Sam might sneak in here, too. He snores, but you get used to it.” With that, he was gone and you collapsed onto the small padding Dean called his and promptly fell asleep.

It felt like your head had just hit the pillow when ya large hand close around your shoulder and squeezed. You jerked awake, but another hand covered your mouth and Sam shushed you. “Four outside,” he mouthed and jutted his chin towards the window. You nodded and looked over to Trevor who was still sound asleep. “Gun. Stay,” Sam added before scurrying out of the room to rejoin Dean.

You pulled out your gun and crawled over to the window to peek outside. There were four men that had made it over the fence and were clearing up the walkers that were roaming along the perimeter. Obviously the cans were a double edge sword since it meant that a house was occupied and a prime target for ill meaning looters.

The group split up, circling the house, two in front, two in back. You fell onto your hands and knees and crawled to pop your head out of the doorway. Dean caught sight of you and you did your best to signal to him, bue shook his head and motioned for you to go back into the room.

You slid back into the room with a silent grumble and closed the door enough for you see through the crack, but there was no eyeline to either door or of Dean or Sam. You could, however, hear the soft creak of a door opening and faint footsteps on the hardwood floors. The intruders were careful, it was obvious they were seasoned.

A second door opened and more footsteps followed, the group slowly slinking through the house. As quiet and cautious as they were, they didn’t expect the brothers to get the jump on them. There was hard smack of skin to skin and someone toppled into a wall. Several grunts and growls were exchanged, punches and air leaving lungs.

There was a resonating tink that made Sam cry out, “Dean,” before groaning himself and more blows were traded. You looked to Trevor, but the boy didn’t wake despite all the noise. You needed to help, but you didn’t want to leave your charge.

Someone cried out in pain and you set down the gun, reaching for the axe that laid next to the teen. The gun would’ve ended things quickly, but it would’ve also drawn walkers around for miles and any other curious idiot that happened to be out at night.

You crept out of the room and down the hall to find one guy already laid out and Dean exchanging blows with another. Two had Sam locked up and used as a punching bag. These guys had knives and possibly guns, why they hell weren’t they using them?

Sam locked eyes with you and before his captor could get out a warning, you slammed the butt of the axe to the back of the assailant’s head and he crumpled to the ground. Taking advantage of your sudden appearance, Sam was able to slam his head back into the other’s face and take the guy down.

“You’ve got some great timing, sweetheart,” Dean panted, wiping the blood from the side of his mouth. “Help us tie these guys up? There’s rope in our packs.” You nodded and set the axe aside as you searched through the two bags near the couch. Behind you, the boys dragged the limp bodies together and you tossed Sam the first coil of rope and Dean the other once you found them.

“You alright,” you frowned, noticing Dean’s split lip and Sam’s red cheek.

“We’ve had worse,” Dean shrugged it off and searched the men for weapons, tossing them near you and the packs. “What the hell were these guys doing?”

“A piss poor job of scavenging,” you offered, picking up a machete for yourself, but placed the rest in one of their bags.

Dean grumbled and shook his head as he headed over to you. “You head back to bed, we’ll deal with these guys.” Your gaze shifted to the tied up men on the floor and back to Dean, a deep frown on your face. “We’re not gonna to kill them, just wanna ask them some questions and we’ll toss ‘em out in the morning.”

You looked to Sam who gave you a confirming nod, a silent promise. “Any trouble, you’ll wake us,” you turned back to Dean, not questioning but demanding.

“Scouts honor,” he grinned. You huffed in annoyance, but took the machete and axe back with you, leaving the door open upon your return. You placed Trevor’s axe back where it belonged, secured the machete to your pack, and moved the gun under your pillow for quick access.

As much as you wanted to stay up to hear the interrogation, you were out the moment you closed your eyes for the second time that night. When you woke the next morning, you were alone and the low mumble of voices carried through the halls.

You shuffled your way to the living room where Dean and Sam were having a quiet, heated discussion that stopped as soon as you came into view. “Something wrong,” you yawned, searching for the four guys they captured last night.

“We’re leaving,” Trevor informed you, spooning pineapple into his mouth. You nodded and shrugged your shoulders in compliance, but the three stared at you questioningly. “Y/N, it’s…”

“Get packing, kid,” Dean interrupted him. You squared up at his tone, but Trevor sheepishly slipped out of the room. “You wanna tell us who Matt is?” A cold chill ran through you and you shook your head. “Those guys? They were his, said that been following you for days.”

“I told you, it’s a long story,” you said dismissively. “If we’re going, then we need to do it soon.”

Sam moved to you to place a comforting hand on your shoulder, “If this guy is threatening you, we can help.”

“You can help by dropping it and getting us to your bunker or whatever,” you shrugged him off. “You two beat the shit out of those guys, I doubt anyone else is gonna come around. You proved a point, Matt’ll drop it.” Neither brother looked convinced. “Look, you said you didn’t want us to bring you trouble, so take Trevor. I’ll head out and you guys can be on your way.”

“You’re just going to leave him,” Dean snapped, stomping over to you with a red tinge to his cheeks. Sam put an arm across his brother’s chest to hold him back, but Dean wasn’t going to hurt you, you all knew that. “And you’re stupid if you think we’re gonna let you go out there on your own.”

Your face twisted into pure offense and anger, “Let me? You met me less than a day ago and you think you have some kind of hold over me?”

“He didn’t mean it like that,” Sam sighed, that worried pout back on his face. “Think of Trevor, alright? He’s the one that told us about Matt, what he did. He’s worried about you.” Your nostrils flared and your teeth audibly ground together. You knew the kid meant well, but it wasn’t his place to say anything. “Look, just let us get you as far away from here as we can and if you still wanna leave when we’re safe enough, then you can.”

Dean opened his mouth to protest, but one heated look from you shut him up. “Fine,” you spat.

Sam released his hold on Dean and gave you a worried half smile, “I’ll go help Trevor.” He patted your shoulder as he passed and slipped out of the room to leave you and Dean alone, steam still coming from both of your ears.

“You’re going to be a pain in my ass,” Dean sighed and headed over to secure their things.

“Yeah, I can say the same about you,” you shot back, arms crossed over your chest, your body still pumping with adrenaline. “But promise me that whatever happens, you’ll keep Trevor safe.” He didn’t look up from his task, but he nodded. “Say it, Dean.”

There was hesitation, but he stopped and looked at you, face straight, “We’ll take care of him.”

You accepted his declaration and moved to help him. “I owe you.”

“Yeah,” Dean nodded, a grin tugging at his lips, “you do.”

[sunyoonandstars]

BLACK AS INK || BTS MAFIA! AU series || chapter 1: lachesism

lachesism n. the desire to be struck by disaster

Families

Onyx Snake Clan 🖤  |  Blue Reapers 💙

Pairings

You 🖤 x Taehyung 💙 polyamorous relationship

You 🖤 x Yoongi 🖤 polyamorous relationship 

You 🖤 x Hoseok 🖤 one-sided

Jimin 🖤 x Jungkook 💙

➜ BLACK AS INK Masterlist with further information on characters & relations, prompts/quotes, and related moodboards 

angst, smut, fluff 

! Warnings ! mention/use of weapons, (mentions of) blood & injury, mentions of drinking/alcohol abuse 

Word count  3.399

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❝ Taehyung took one look at you, and he knew. That he had come across a kindred spirit. That he had found his soulmate. 

And now all he had to do was make you his. To brand you. To let the whole world see you belonged to each other. 

Those were the thoughts racing through his mind as Taehyung surrendered to his animal instincts, his hungry lips making their way down your neck towards your collarbone, leaving a handful of deep red marks, the sight of them, blossoming on your pale skin in the blue neon light, exhilarating. Even your scent was entrancing, working its black magic on his senses, and you were all he could see, all he could feel, as the dark electronic beats kept drumming to the rhythm of his pounding heart ...❞

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Synopsis 

People can’t choose what kind of life they are born into. What kind of family. Neither could you.

You had always known of your father’s ties to the Mafia. In fact, he was the leader of one of the most powerful families this city had ever seen. They call themselves the Onyx Snake Clan and are known for their sharp minds and calculating mercilessness when it comes to doing business. They aren’t the most powerful clan roaming the streets of Seoul for no reason, after all.

Their only rivals are the Blue Reapers, a clan run by a family of ruthless killers who stop at nothing to get what they want.

You, however, had led an insignificant, peaceful existence, living your days in a world of banality, far away from any kind of trouble, not wanting to have anything to do with your family’s business. At your own father’s discretion, for the sake of your health and sanity, you had remained hidden in the shadows, always on the move, forced into solitude. A ghost. Untouchable.

All of that changes, though, when an unfortunate incident shakes both families to their very foundations and endangers the status quo that had kept the streets from being bathed in blood up until now.

Suddenly, you come into play, being thrown right into the middle of it all, required to play a role you aren’t quite willing to take on …

And then, of course, to further complicate matters, there’s the mysterious Yoongi to whom you lost your heart at first sight but who hasn’t been entirely honest with you …

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A/N: This is Chapter 1 of a series. I previously posted the Prologue to it and would strongly advise you to read it and have a look at the related material (moodboards, quotes etc.) before reading this chapter, in case you’re new to the series. 

Also: This is the playlist I created and listen to while working on this story. It has a kind of dark, surreal ‘80s Arcade Game’ vibe to it which really fits the story, in my opinion, especially this chapter. 

CHAPTER 1 | LACHESISM 

lachesism n. the desire to be struck by disaster

Eight months earlier …

Tonight was one of those nights that called for a decent hangover. There wasn’t even a particular reason for you to get drunk, or rather too many to list them all. You just knew you needed alcohol in your bloodstream. And lots of it at that. 

Already slightly tipsy – a condition owed to your consumption of half a dozen cans of cheap, strawberry-flavored convenience store Prosecco  – you stumbled into the 'Balthazar', currently one of Seoul’s most popular nightclubs. You had expected to be left standing in the cold, vainly waiting to be let into the venue for hours. Once again, however, and to your never-ceasing surprise, you were let in for free, no questions asked, by the hunk of a man acting as tonight’s bouncer. 

„Thanks,“ you winked at him in passing, hoping his leniency was owed to your more or less decent looks and not the fact that he might know of your blood ties to the Onyx Snakes. 

How could he, though? No one knew. You were a nobody. And that’s precisely what you were supposed to be. 

The lovechild of a doomed relationship. Your existence a crime in itself in the eyes of a dangerously high number of people. Deserving of everything that had been done to you even though you had no choice in being born into this world in the first place. 

No. Not tonight, you shook your head, trying to rid yourself of the bloody images already haunting your every night’s sleep since the incident more than twenty years ago. No need to surrender your waking thoughts to them as well. Not tonight, you swore yourself. Tonight, you were not the daughter of Kim Jongsu. 

Tonight, you're free, Y/n. Tonight is yours and yours alone. And you're gonna make the best of it, spend it as if it's your last. 

Shortly after entering the gloomy cave of lust and sin that the 'Balthazar' was, you were encompassed by the deep, humming beats of electronic music sounding from the club’s main floor and the familiar odor of sweat, booze and the fumes created by multiple fog machines doing a hell of a job in creating an almost ridiculously theatrical, dark and mysterious atmosphere. 

Drawn in by the crowd’s energy, you let the heaving sea of anonymous bodies carry yours away, giving in to the imponderable force of wantonness and drunken ecstasy. 

Quickly, the concepts of time and space became foreign to you. The booming music and its intoxicating sensuality clouded your senses, sending every fiber of your being vibrating with the rhythm of the night. And you didn't fight it off, the daze, the enchantment, but instead relished your drunken carelessness, readily surrendering all remains of control. Sweating, laughing, eyes closed, completely oblivious of your surroundings, you kept on swaying your body to the cadence of the beats buzzing through the air and, slowly but surely, taking over your limbs entirely.

Men, as well as women, kept on handing you free drinks, asking you to dance with them, touching you and being touched by you. In the flickering lights of this dark underworld, nothing was taboo and anything seemed possible. 

For the first time in months, you felt you could breathe freely. In this distorted version of reality that was no more tangible than a blurry dream, you finally felt real again. Here, where not only you were a nameless stranger, but everybody was and everybody craved to be. Here, you felt sheltered. 

Before you knew it, your arms were wrapped around a stunningly beautiful stranger’s neck, your lips kissing his, hungrily, desperately, as if there was no tomorrow. Only briefly and reluctantly did you break the kiss to take another look into his bottomlessly deep, dark, cat-like eyes that had initially drawn you in. They were partly hidden by long, ash blonde bangs. Nonetheless, their fiery fierceness rendered you powerless, pulled you right down into their simmering wells, his inky orbs never once relinquishing the hold they had on you. 

But not only his eyes were intriguing. This entire man was an enigma to you. Everything about him was vague and contradictory, the walls surrounding his true core seemingly impenetrable. Usually, you were quite quick on the uptake when it came to deciphering people. But with him, you were at a loss. He was much different from the men you had encountered so far and only allowed you to see what he consciously let on. 

Despite his obvious cunning, his feline eyes and flowing movements reminiscent of that of a wily fox, he had an almost disturbingly innocent air about him. At the same time, though, his soul seemed utterly tainted, broken somehow, in a few places at least. There was undoubtedly a dark spot on his aura. Someone or something had stained him. And the darkness was eating away at his heart. So much you could tell by only having one look into the fathomless pools of his ravishing eyes. 

And, as if he wasn't already enough of a puzzle to you, Fox Guy changed gears so quickly, you could barely keep up with him. One minute, he was this sensual, entrancing Prince of Darkness, swaying his slender hips in ways that caused you dizzy spells. And the next minute, he handled himself with downright childish insouciance, flailing about boisterously, sporting that endearingly boxy smile of his and paying no mind to his surroundings, apparently not caring what other people might think of him as long as he could just get you to laugh, a broad smile curving his rosy lips in between sloppy kisses whenever he succeeded. 

“What’s your name?“ you eventually asked, short of breath, after what must have been about an hour of exchanging fervent kisses.

“Sorry, but I don’t think I can tell you,” Fox Guy shouted back at you without wavering, laughing as if all of this was just one big joke to him. 

“Wow. I should’ve known,” you muttered, more to yourself, avoiding the pretty stranger’s soul-piercing gaze as you now detached yourself from his body to turn on your heel and leave. 

A sudden surge of disappointment had taken a sharp grip on your heart. With just a few words, this strange man had burst your bubble and allowed reality to seep back into your mind in merciless, ice-cold waves, rapidly washing away the remnants of tonight's rapture. 

You should have known. You really should have known by now. 

“Hey! Hey!” you heard Fox Guy call after you but kept on heading straight for the exit, not even considering to take another look as burning tears started blurring your vision. 

Of course not. Of course, he wouldn’t tell you his name. Just like you wouldn’t tell him yours. Couldn’t tell him yours. Because you were condemned to lead an anonymous existence. A prisoner of solitude for the rest of your pathetic life. Not even another meaningless one-night stand would be able to fill the void that had made itself at home in your chest over the years. A fact you were, once more, made painfully aware of by this beautiful man who you were, in all likelihood, never going to see again. Maybe you should have thanked him before you left. For ridding you of the illusion of a normal life with the possibility of something resembling happiness before you had a chance to become too taken with it. 

You had almost reached the 'Balthazar's' front door when a strong hand suddenly got a hold of your wrist and yanked you backward, whirling you around. Gasping for air, you found yourself back where you had come from, in Fox Guy's arms which wrapped themselves tightly around your waist, pulling you so close they barely left enough room for you to breathe, let alone free yourself from his grasp. If you had wanted to. 

"Took you long enough," you grinned, biting his lip before you kissed it once more.

“Where did you think you were going?” he growled close by your ear, his low, rich voice sending shivers down your spine. "Did you really think I would just let you leave?" 

Only shortly did he bring about an arm’s length’s distance between your sweaty bodies to lock eyes with you, the expression in his an entirely different one than mere seconds ago, much more tenebrous, lascivious, before he lowered his heart-shaped lips onto your neck, covering your skin with wet kisses and burning marks. 

And this was when you knew. 

You were lost. 

Never before had Taehyung encountered a woman more captivating. Usually, his heart and mind were somewhat fickle, not easily touched and much less captured by any woman or any thing or person for that matter. And then you came along and made it seem so easy, seizing his soul ever so effortlessly, probably unaware of the power you already had over it. 

Taehyung's unsuspecting eyes had first lit on you less than an hour ago, spotted your figure on the dance floor, your penetrating gaze, revealing wisdom far beyond your age, searching the crowded room for something or someone it couldn’t seem to find. Your presence magnetized him instantly. From that moment onward, there was no use in even trying to resist the pull you had on him. 

You hadn’t even told him your name yet. Still, Taehyung couldn’t help but feel like he knew you. Like he had known you all his life. Like you were the last missing piece needed to fix his shattered heart. 

Something about you just felt oddly familiar. As if this wasn't the first time your paths had crossed. 

Taehyung had watched you from afar for a while, had observed your interactions with his potential competitors, both male and female and equally enamored with you. He didn't feel threatened, though, by their feeble attempts at winning you over, well aware that none of them were actually worthy of you. The language your knowing glances spoke seemed to be foreign to these people. They just didn’t get you. They had a diamond on their hands but treated you like an ordinary rock, blind to your true value, to the treasures your soul held. But he saw. He saw right through you. 

Taehyung took one look at you, and he knew. That he had come across a kindred spirit. That he had found his soulmate. 

And now all he had to do was make you his. To brand you. To let the whole world see you belonged to each other. 

Those were the thoughts racing through his mind as Taehyung surrendered to his animal instincts, his hungry lips making their way down your neck towards your collarbone, leaving a handful of deep red marks, the sight of them, blossoming on your pale skin in the blue neon light, exhilarating. Even your scent was entrancing, working its black magic on his senses, and you were all he could see, all he could feel, as the dark electronic beats kept drumming to the rhythm of his pounding heart. 

Soon, Taehyung could sense your body respond, your reaction only encouraging him to push further. 

Arching your back, pressing your core against his, you buried your hands in his hair, pulling at it to get him to face you again so you could find his lips in another long, urgent kiss that quickly grew deeper, becoming sloppy, more fervent by the second.

In this sinister den of lust and dance, there were no laws, no limitations. It was as if the two of you had been plunged into an alternative reality in which you were the only souls left alive. Invincible and untouchable. With you by his side, the worldly troubles eating away at Taehyung’s peace of mind seemed to have vanished. Suddenly, they were meaningless. His father. The raging gang war. His sister’s blood on his hands. All of it didn’t matter anymore. As long as he could only feel you. As long as you were by his side. 

You were like a drug to him. Each of your touches and movements, your mere presence, clouding his senses, distorting his perception of the world around him. And he couldn't get enough of it. 

Taehyung could hear your soft moans even across the music as you now  opened your lips for his tongue to enter, a sound that could only mean you were finally ready to yield and drop the walls surrounding your heart and mind –– a realization filling him with pride and leaving him longing for more, for your affirmation. You didn’t exactly seem like the kind of woman that would lower her guard and give herself to just anyone. So, the very instant he heard you moan for him for the first time, Taehyung swore to himself, he would do anything to witness it just once more. And to protect you from whatever it was that forced you to keep up your barricades. 

It didn't take long for your bodies to be perfectly in sync with each other and the rhythm of the psychedelic music. Excitement and arousal sent blazing waves of adrenaline and endorphins rushing through your boiling blood, clouding your minds with the yearning for each other and the satisfaction only the other one’s touch seemed to be able to provide. Each gesture, each kiss, each thrust of the hip only fueled the flames quickly burning through every cell of your beings, setting Taehyung’s skin on fire and yours as well, he was sure. Your thirsty kisses and salacious dance moves left no doubt in his mind that you wanted him just as much as he wanted you.

“Let’s get out of here," he breathlessly whispered into your ear, using the chance to plant a gentle kiss on your neck. 

You nodded in approval without any trace of hesitation, clinging to his almost entirely unbuttoned silk shirt as Taehyung eagerly made his way through the crowd towards the rear exit, repeatedly looking back at you over his shoulder to make sure you were still with him. Every time your eyes met, your reddened lips, slightly swollen from the countless kisses you had shared, curved into a dreamy smile that sent his heart racing. 

This was more than just lust, Taehyung then realized, awestruck. This was different from what he had felt for other women. This was … more. You were exceptional. And, tightening his grip on your hand, Taehyung swore to himself that he would never let you go again. Not ever, come what may. 

To your own horror and surprise, you followed this perfect stranger who wouldn’t even give you his name without wavering. It was not like you had much of a choice, though. You were entirely under his spell. Powerless. Charmed by the aura that surrounded him and the ageless profundity that seeped out of his pitch-black, feline eyes. Holding onto his hand like a lost child, you stayed by his side as Fox Guy cleared a pathway through the dancing crowd, headed for a quiet side corridor where the two of you were greeted by three serious-looking men in identical black suits. 

“They’re okay. They’re with me," Fox Guy explained as he took note of your worried glances towards the clearly visible bulges in their jackets, most likely caused by holstered guns. 

“Don’t think too much of it. The guards are only a precaution," he went on, interlacing his fingers with yours for reassurance, giving you a small smile. 

What kind of man is this guy that he needs to be protected by armed bodyguards?, you couldn’t help but wonder. Given your history, however, nothing really surprised you anymore at this point. You had seen it all. Rape, robbery, murder. Grown men sobbing on their knees, pleading for their lives in vain, and women slaughtering each other in front of innocent children. This was nothing compared to your previous experiences with gunmen. Fox Guy was probably just some rich kid whose father had meddled in the affairs of the wrong sort of people. And those guards looked rather harmless compared to the ones you used to be surrounded by back in the day. By the looks of it, they were nothing more but a bunch of mindless thugs. Henchmen, hired guns, only concerned with their next paycheck. Having come to that conclusion, you were almost ready to abandon all your concerns and give in to the temptation, leaving your common sense behind and trusting this stranger blindly for the sake of a pleasurable night. 

That was until another man stepped out of the shadows, his features soft, feigning innocence, yet speaking of a grim doggedness that sent a cold shiver down your back. A scar, almost invisible, stretched across his left cheekbone, telling of battles won, and a gelled lock of black hair fell deep down into his boyishly handsome face, covering a set of furrowed brows.

His presence was much different from that of the remaining guards, intimidating, even though his frame was smaller than that of the others and he must have been of the same age as you, maybe even younger. Still, there was something dangerous about him. A fire burning behind his chocolate orbs. Rage. Pure anger that made him unpredictable. A loose cannon. 

His gently rounded doe eyes narrowed into piercing slits at the sight of you, and you could tell his muscles grew tense. This man was ready to fight. 

"Who's she?" he spat out the words, not taking his gaze off of you.  

"She's with me, Jungkook. Don't scare her off, please."

“Thought you should know you have a tail, though,“ Jungkook hissed at Fox Guy through clenched teeth, not backing down just yet, his glance remaining fierce, fiery almost, and still fixed on you. “One of those Onyx rats has been lurking over there in a corner the whole time, watching you. Now he’s on the move, headed our way.” 

Onyx rat. 

Your heart skipped a beat at his remark that could only be referring to your 'family'. Well, your father’s family anyway. 

Petrified, overwhelmed by the sudden rush of memories and feelings this mere mention of the Onyx Snake Clan let well up within you, you tried your best not to be too obvious. 

“No! Don’t look back. He can not, under any circumstances, see your face," Fox Guy called out when you were about to take a peek at your pursuer. His wide-eyed expression speaking of genuine fear, he squeezed your hand so tightly it hurt, his gaze pleading.

“Okay, okay. I'm not gonna look, promise," you were barely capable of mumbling in response. 

“Good. Because being seen with me by people like him will put you in grave danger," he said, now avoiding your gaze, sadness casting a shadow over his beautiful features. A pain so grave it stung your heart. 

“Well, maybe it’s her he’s after," you now heard Jungkook growl close to your ear, so unexpectedly you froze in shock instead of fighting off the arm he now put across your chest, trapping you in his viselike grasp. "Maybe they're working together, Taehyung. You ever thought of that, huh?" 

Trying to stay calm, you cursed yourself for having been so inattentive and allowing yourself to be put in such a compromising position. You should have noticed Jungkook move, should have sensed him coming up right behind you – before he had pressed what appeared to be a knife to your bare throat. You were better than that. Allowing Fox Guy to distract you –– Your father would have been so disappointed. A thought that made it so much harder for you to keep your instincts in check and not end this scar-faced Bunny Boy right then and there, or at least make a decent attempt at it. 

Fox Guy, whose name appeared to be Taehyung, let go of your hand as soon as he realized the gravity of the situation. Mouth agape, he slowly stepped back, staring at his armed companion in disgust. 

“Kookie, what the hell? What do you think you’re doing? Let her go! Right now.” 

Doing your best to take deep, steady breaths and pacify your heavily pounding heart, you remained motionless in Jungkook’s chokehold, feeling the cold, sharp edge of his weapon nick your skin when you swallowed a little too hard. 

It’s okay. I’m okay, you attempted to let Taehyung know with your glances, your eyes staying locked with his while he took a cautious step towards you and his rogue guard, all of a sudden suspiciously calm. 

“Jungkook. I'm only gonna say this one more time. Let. Her. Go”, he slowly spoke, his voice confident and imploring, as if he was talking to a wild animal. “She didn’t do anything. She wasn't even the one to approach me. It was me. I was the one who asked her to dance, not the other way around. And if she really wanted to harm me, she could have done so right then and there, in the middle of the dance floor. This place is packed. Nobody would have even noticed. Seriously, Jungkook. Drop it. She’s just a girl.”

Even though you only reluctantly admitted it to yourself, his last words stung you, leaving you with the bitter aftertaste of disappointment. Your reaction didn’t seem to go unnoticed by Taehyung. 

“Well, that came out wrong," he made an awkward attempt at an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry. But … you get what I mean, right?”

You nodded. An act that was proven to be a mistake by Jungkook’s blade now cutting even further into your flesh. You could feel a hot fluid run down the side of your neck towards your décolleté. Blood, you assumed. The cut must have been deeper than you thought. 

“Jeon Jungkook, you’re going too far. Stop it at once. It’s enough. Put. The knife. Down.”

The second he had seen the blood stain the collar of your shirt, a fervid fury had taken over Taehyung's angelic features, blazing behind his piercing eyes with power so raw, it sent a shiver down your spine. In all his beauty there seemed to be no place for anger. It didn't suit him. Or at least it shouldn't have. But, somehow, you couldn’t shake the feeling that this was just the tip of the iceberg and that there was a lot more where this was coming from. That you had merely gotten a first, fleeting glimpse at the darkness hiding behind that flawless façade of his. This Taehyung was no man to play games with. 

"Besides," he continued, his tone shockingly placid. "You are wasting valuable time here, Jungkook. While you are harassing this innocent woman, that Onyx Snake is gaining on us. So you better let her go so we can get the hell out of here."

A few more seconds passed until Taehyung apparently won the staring contest with his militant sidekick, the blade was being removed from your throat, and Jungkook stepped back, setting you free. Exhaling the breath you had held in for what felt like an eternity, you stumbled away to bring a safe distance between yourself and your captor. Taehyung was by your side almost immediately, hesitant to touch you.

“I’m so sorry this happened. Jungkook is not usually not like this, I swear”, he said, darting a knifelike glare across your shoulder at his belligerent companion. “Are you okay? Here, let me see that.” 

Carefully he brushed aside your hair to get a better look at the damage done by his associate's unusually sharp-edged weapon. 

“Shit. I’m so sorry," Taehyung slowly shook his head, wincing when he pulled back his hand as if he had just burned his fingertips on your skin. 

“I would offer to take you to my place if you still wanted to," he continued, gnawing at his lower lip that you still wanted to kiss so desperately. “There, I could fix you up with a bandage. And we could be alone. Without all … this.” 

Without even looking, he pointed at his guards who were still standing by, apparently ready to shoot and kill just about anyone who dared to as much as lift a finger against Taehyung. Slowly, you began to question your earlier assessment of his background. Maybe this man wasn't as innocent as you had first assumed. 

“You’d probably be safer there since we can't be sure if that guy saw your face or not. But after what just happened, I’d understand if all you wanted was to get the fuck away from me. If I were you, I’d probably run for my life. You must think I’m — Hell, even I don’t know what to think of myself anymore”, he scoffed, laughing a brief, awfully hollow laugh. “I’m sorry. I'm sorry I put you in danger. You’re free to go.” 

With a wave of his long-fingered hand, the guards stepped aside, clearing a path for you to leave as Taehyung already turned away, averting his face.

“What are you waiting for? Toddle off," you could hear Jungkook grunt from behind you. 

But you weren’t just going to take the easy way out. What you were about to do was probably foolish and most likely highly dangerous. Because, if this guy was indeed being tailed by the Onyx Snake Clan, there was no way in hell he was good news. Still, there was just something about him that made you throw caution to the wind and forget about the risks. Somehow, you were convinced that this Taehyung was not a bad person, and for reasons not yet known to you, he was in just as much pain as you were. A prisoner of a destiny he had not chosen for himself. Alone, drowning, very much like you. 

Tonight, the two of you needed each other, and that was a fact. 

So, instead of turning your back on this gorgeous stranger with his infinitely sad eyes, you took a step closer, gently placing your palms on each side of his face as you stood before him.

“But what if I don’t want to go?” 

Your words led his eyes to shoot up in surprise, and even you were astounded by the solemn steadiness of your voice as you continued to speak with utmost conviction. 

“Take me with you. I don’t care where. I’m not gonna leave you tonight.” 

END OF CHAPTER 1 || TO BE CONTINUED 

← Previous || Next →

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Thank you for reading! I hope you liked it so far. 😌 More is soon to come.

If you have Spotify, you can listen to the official 🎶 BLACK AS INK Playlist 🎶 here. Enjoy. Song recommendations are always welcome. 

Here you can find my Masterlist in case you feel like checking out more of my BTS fiction.

Take care and have a great day! ☺️💖

NONE of the GIFs used are mine. Credit goes to the initial creators. Thank you for your hard work and dedication.

[heyscience]

If I Were Inquisitor - Ask Meme.

@batsintheshadows @tea-me-and-smut @foxywolfmeerkat13 @howling-at-night OMG THIS IS SO FUN YOU GUYS HOLY SHIT!! Thanks so much for writing yours, and I’m so stoked to finally share mine!

If you are reading this and want to give it a shot, please reblog the original post and I’ll send you an ask! I LOVE THIS SO MUCH, I LOVE READING PEOPLE’S ANSWERS. THEY’RE ALL. SO GOOD!!!!

1. Race: I want to be a giant muscley mountain of a Qunari. I wanna be the very best, like no-one ever was, at smashing my enemies’ faces in and giving the best goddamn hugs there is. 

2. Class/Specialization: Two-handed Warrior/Champion. I like hitting things, and I love the idea of getting involved in all that pompous Orlesian chevalier bullshit and RUINING IT for ALL OF THEM.

3. Your homeland? It’s gotta be somewhere warm and by the sea (because I love the ocean and also I can’t deal with the cold cos I am WEAK), so I’m thinking Rivain. Ooh! And that would mean I’d have a bunch of sick tattoos and piercings! Rad.

4. Your family? (Ok so I’m basing this loosely off my irl family because they’re my best point of reference I guess????)

So, my family. I love them, but they’re a mess.

My Mum was the ideal Tamassran. A devout adherent to the Qun. She worked as a healer and was very well respected in her field.

That was until she met my Dad, who in short, looked at the Qun and was like ‘fuck this shit I’m out.’

Dad was a soldier and one day he was wounded in battle, ended up in the hospice where Mum worked, wooed her, and they ran away together to Rivain.

They had my brother and I and then realised that they’re actually polar opposites and it’s a wonder they were ever attracted to each other. They split up, re-partnered and had more kids. So I have a pile of siblings that I have varying degrees of blood relation with, but we all consider each other fully part of our extended, convoluted family (for serious - irl I have 9 siblings).

Mum taught me business sense and how to tend to battle wounds, Dad taught me how to fight. I’ve got a lot of family of various races all over Thedas, all related (not necessarily by blood) one way or another. People say lovely things about my Mum, and the craziest things about my Dad - the stories of his exploits are so outrageous it’s difficult to believe any of them are true (like irl my dad was involved in organised crime for a while but quit cos he got bored????).

I love my family but I’m really bad at keeping in contact with them, so I get the occasional letter from Mum being like ‘ARE YOU DEAD?!’

Leliana has taken to sending her reassuring updates preemptively.

5. Who were you before? I imagine I’d be part of something like a dnd adventuring party.

We started out as a ragtag group of misfits, travelling the land in search of gold and glory. It was mostly treasure hunting and mercenary gigs, and some of the work we did on the high seas was um, legal-adjacent (piracy). But occasionally we’d stop to lend a hand to those in need, pass ourselves off as bards to earn extra coin in small-town taverns, and we even involved ourselves in vigilante justice a couple of times.

We grew into our own little family, and eventually we found ourselves wanting to do the type of work that really mattered. That’s why we signed ourselves up to work security at the Conclave, with a plan to move into aiding refugees in Ferelden afterwards. It didn’t. Quite. Work out that way. Unfortunately.

6. Would you be religious? That’s a hard no.

7. Do you have a mabari? YES PUPPY! Who is also a fully fledged member of our adventuring troupe I might add.

8. Your opinion on other races? Elves = rad, dwarves = awesome, humans = eh, dragons?? = HELL YES

9. What would Varric’s nickname for you be? Stubby.

10. What would your tarot card look like? This one is hard! I’m thinking a lot of compass imagery (because the sea and travelling and finding your way etc.)...and I’d have to be facing at an angle that best accentuates my glorious biceps.

11. Where would you hang out in Skyhold? I like to be in the centre of the action, but I’m not sure where that would be?? Probably in the main Skyhold courtyard near the entrance, in amongst the merchants? It’d be a good spot to see the comings and goings, check in with recruits and workers for the Inquisition, and also play with any kids who might be around. 

It’s important to make sure the kids of the Inquisition are happy and healthy and, um, ok Josie I’ll admit it, they’re also way more fun to hang out with than that stuffy noble whoeverthefuck you just brought in from Orlais.

12. What would you do for fun? Knock back beers in the Herald’s Rest with my companions, come up with dirty drinking songs with Sera, get blackout drunk with Dorian (although I’ll eventually realise it’s a very unhealthy coping mechanism and encourage Dorian to join me in cutting down the booze), swap stories and quality bants with Varric, beg Vivienne for fashion advice, gush over romance novels with Cass, have tea and gossip sessions with Josie, poke fun at Cullen, spar with the Inquisition recruits (and scare the shit out of them), and, just anything to distract from the looming horror that is Corypheus.

13. What armour would you wear? Heavy, shiny, and bloodstone red.

14. What would your room look like? Organised chaos. I love playing host so my room would look mostly neat, but the writing desk would be an absolute mess. It would probably make poor Josie hyperventilate (which is why I’d always suggest we discuss things in her office, or at least give me plenty of notice before swinging by my chambers so I can tidy up). 

15. Who would be your friends at Skyhold? I’d wanna be friends with pretty much everyone, but I think I’d be closest with Dorian (BUT of course only after giving him a solid scolding for his views on slavery, and I’d only continue talking to him if he came to his senses).

We have a very similar sense of humour, and. Oh man. I have way more feelings about this than I thought I would. In short - I can imagine both laughing with him and collapsing on the floor together with a bottle of wine (each) and many tears.

16. Would you have any friends outside of the Inquisition? This makes me sad because my closest friends outside the Inquisition would be my adventuring party and they..would’ve...the Conclave...EVEN MY MABARI. MY POOR PUPPY. OH GOD WHY. TOO MANY FEELINGS.

17. Who wouldn’t you get along with? Cole. It’s not that I don’t like him, I’d just be super awkward around him, like ‘HELLO SPIRIT CHILD HOW ARE YOU TODAY. OH, IS THAT AN INSECURITY OF MINE YOU JUST POINTED OUT?! WELL COOL, GOOD TALK.’ 

18. Who would you romance? I know this isn’t possible in Inquisition but I would like to be in a polyamorous relationship with Isabela. SHE IS MY FICTIONAL SOULMATE OK.

(Also I’m more than a little bit in love with Cullen but I hate myself for it so)

19. Would you do pranks with Sera? AbsoLUTELY.

20. Would you sleep with the Iron Bull (casually if not romance)? 100% YES. It’d only be an occasional thing tho, cos while I’m a masochist and I like being tied up I’m not really a sub. I’d mostly go to him for bondage tips and um. Requests for. Demonstrations.

21. Would you keep Cole around? Yes. I’d still be weirded out by him, but I acknowledge that it’s completely not his fault. I’d take his word for it that he just wants to help people and let him have at it with that freaky mind-reading and vanishing shit he does.

22. Can you play the game (politics)? A little bit. I’d have to work the scandal angle. Being a Qunari I could never hope to assimilate into the realms of the nobility, but I could win their favour by being something of a novelty. Much like Casanova in this brilliant adaptation starring David Tennant - watch from 10:42.

You see, you don’t have to be liked by everybody, just the right people, and you can usually get them onside by just being very fucking entertaining.

23. What would be on your tombstone in the fade (What are you afraid of)? Ghosts. I’m not sure how well that translates to a Thedas setting but still, it’s my biggest fear so I’m sticking with it.

24. Who would you recruit to seal the breach? Mages.

25. Opinion on Mages versus Templars? Ok, so I have a proposal for how to fix this bullshit:  

1. The Chantry should relinquish any and all control over the affairs of mages. Separation of Church and State, simple as that.

2. The Templar Order should be disbanded, and the practice of indenturing soldiers by saddling them with a lyrium addiction should be banned.

3. All people in Thedas (and I mean ALL) should be taught about magic from a young age, both the gifts and dangers of its use. Everyone should learn about magical safety and how to resist demonic possession.

4. Mage children should attend the same schools as everyone else, but they can hone their skills in their late teens to early adulthood in mage colleges, with free tuition paid by the State (of wherever part of Thedas this is). They can research magic, learn a trade or train in combat, whatever they choose. Mages will be allowed to earn money, marry, have families, and have some actual freaking rights. None of this ‘hunt ‘em down and lock ‘em up’ bullshit.

5. Also the Rite of Tranquility WHAT THE FUCK. I can’t believe it’s a thing people actually agree to do. This rite should be downright fucking outlawed, and severe penalties levelled at the people who attempt it.

26. Who would be put in charge of Orlais and why? Briala. I wouldn’t suggest to Briala that she should get back together with Celene, because honestly their relationship was really fucked up and Celene abused the power imbalance between them. Briala deserves better (like for example me..maybe...but y’know, only if she wants to..)

So I would keep Celene on the throne but hand over all real power to Briala. Celene is a crafty one however, so we’d have to corner her with blackmail and keep a hidden killswitch on hand in case she tries to pull a fast one on us (just like the Voltron kids should be doing with Lotor, which sorry, I know that isn’t related but I HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS ABOUT IT).

27. Would you sacrifice the Chargers? NEVER.

Seriously Fuck the Qun. The Qun actively promotes eugenics with how they selectively “breed” their people. ALSO the Qunari are gaslighted into believing that they will literally go insane if they don’t follow the Qun?!!!?!?!!??!??! FUCK THAT SHIT.

So yeah, I was never keen on the idea of allying with the Qunari, so when Gatt’s like ‘if you sacrifice the dreadnought there will be no alliance’ I’m like ‘I am ok with this.’ Also, of course, I love the Chargers with all my heart and couldn’t bear to lose them.

28. Would you go after Blackwall? Yeah. He should put all his moral posturing to good fucking use and try being an actual hero. I’d make him join the Wardens, cos it’s effectively a death sentence (or an early grave at least ) and I don’t 100% dislike him, so I know he’d be cool with it because he has a giant fucking hard-on for the Wardens (Jesus fuck). 

29. Would you drink from the well? Nnnnnoooooooooo..and it’s because I would fucking die for Morrigan. I wish I could say I have a well considered reason, but I’m just pathetic like that. She could say jump and I’d say ‘I’d rather not, but, counter offer - would you instead like to sit on my face?’ 

30. Where would you go if the Inquisition was disbanded? Minrathous. It’s warmer there (I love Skyhold but fucking hate the cold), and I would involve myself in the inevitable slave uprising - helping out in whatever way I can. Also I’d just be having a fucking great time terrorising the Magisters, rocking up at the Magisterium like ‘LOOKIT ME I’M A RAGING QUNARI HERE TO INVADE, RARRGHH!! oh hey Dorian, what’s up babe how’ve you been????’

31. How do you react to the egg telling you he is an elven god? The five stages of grief:

Denial - lol no ur not, you’re our painty pyjamas nerd! 

Anger - Wait, so it’s YOUR FUCKING FAULT MY FRIENDS AND EVERYONE ELSE DIED AT THE CONCLAVE??!?! I AM GONNA GUT YOU AND STRING YOU UP BY YOUR INTESTINES SO I CAN USE YOUR WEEDY BODY AS A GORE PINATA YOU FUCKING MONSTER 

Bargaining - but you’re a god right? Does that mean you can bring them back? Can you undo all this somehow? You gotta have superpowers or some shit right??!?

Depression - After all we’ve been through...you never even saw us as people, did you? Did you ever think of me as a friend? Or anyone else? How could you be ok with murdering your friends? Solas, please, you don’t have to do this. I know that if we work together we can find a better way. You don’t have to destroy the world to save it.

Acceptance - ..................I fUCKING HATE YOU SOLAS.

[editteen84]

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14 Essential Qualities of A Good Man To Marry - April 23, 2021

How To Be More Feminine -10 Unique Ways - January 11, 2021

Will He Come Back? Signs He’s Not Over You - December 8, 2020

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So you’re considering the very popular dating website Zoosk, but want to get it for free?

Good for you! I’m glad you’ve decided to take on the rewarding challenge of online dating. As a professional dating coach, I see so many people reject the idea of online dating – yet over 39% of couples have met online.

That being said, the online dating world can be confusing and it’s not always obvious what dating site to choose.

So here is a breakdown on the Zoosk free trial and whether or not it’s a good website for your dating efforts.

Visit the Zoosk website to sign up for free by clicking here.

How To Sign Up For A Free Trial On Zoosk

If you’ve read my blog before, you know that I pride myself on being the straight up and blunt dating coach. No beating around the bush!

So, I’ll just come out and say that even though you can sign up for free on Zoosk, that doesn’t mean you have access to all the features.

A true free trial, in my opinion, is one where you are allowed to use all the features of the site for free and then after a certain period of time, you have to pay.

Zoosk doesn’t offer this kind of free trial.

In order to get this kind of free trial, you’d need a coupon or promo code. I haven’t seen any promo codes for Zoosk offering a free trial but this could always change.

So, What is A Free Zoosk Account?

Now, even though Zoosk doesn’t offer a full free trial, they still let you sign up for free so you can get an idea of how the site works.

This allows you to see what other members are on the website and if you’d like to message them.

Here is what the Zoosk free account lets you do:

Create your profile and add your photos

Set your dating filters and preferences

Browse other members on the website

The free account does not allow you to read your messages or send messages to other users.

Unlike Tinder, Hinge, OkCupid or Bumble, you can’t really use Zoosk to actually chat and message people without paying.

What Are the Benefits of A Paid Website?

As a dating coach, I’ve heard many of my clients frown at the idea of paid dating websites because they believe they can just use other websites for free.

While this is true, the free sites tends to have a lot of fluffy people that are not interested in long-term relationships.

When you have to pay for a dating site, it’s more likely that you have the intention seriously meet someone.

When it comes to Zoosk, I’d say that the matches on there are better than PlentyofFish or Tinder, but not as high-quality as more expensive dating websites like Match.com or even the League.

What Are Zoosk Coins?

Zoosk coins can be purchased and used on the platform, but remember they are purchased ontop of the regular membership fees.

This means you have to pay monthly, and then pay an additional fee if you want to buy coins.

The Zoosk coins allow you to buy virtual gifts to give to potential candidates. These gifts can be roses or a bouquet of flowers.

They are simply little icons that show you are more interested in a special someone than anyone else.

Zoosk coins also allow you to put your profile at the top of the search results and other features like that.

If you are a man and struggling to get matches, these virtual gifts could come in handy, but I would recommend taking new photos and getting your profile re-written over virtual flowers 🙂

If you’re a woman, these Zoosk coins are 100% useless.

That’s because I’m a strong believer in feminine energy when dating. This means taking a step back and letting men lead. Sending them virtual flowers is putting yourself too out there for my taste.

You can learn more about my thoughts on feminine energy to attract higher-quality men here.

What Does A Zoosk Paid Subscription Include?

The main reason for signing up for a Zoosk paid subscription is the ability to see your messages and to message other people on the platform. You’ll also get access to some canned icebreakers that allow you to easily start conversations.

The paid subscription doesn’t offer much more than that, but it’s really the only thing you need on a dating website!

How Much Does A Zoosk Subscription Cost?

According to Zoosk’s very own Dating Blog, this is the current cost of subscription:

12 months for $12.49 per month (One payment of $149.88)

6 months for $12.49 per month (One payment of $74.95)

3 months for $19.98 per month (One payment of $59.95)

1 month for $29.95 per month(One payment of $29.95)

Is Zoosk A Good Dating Site For Long-Term Relationships?

Here’s my professional advice on this. If you are looking for something casual, stick to Tinder and PlentyofFish.

If you’re looking for something long-term, stick to Match, Bumble or Hinge.

If you are tired of those options and just want to try something different, try Zoosk.

It also doesn’t hurt to sign up for the free account and just poke around to see if anyone piques your interest. After all, you just need to find one person and this is all over!

While I strongly believe it’s worth it to sign up and check out the website for free, Zoosk just isn’t my favorite when it comes to paying for a website.

Zoosk Backlash

I wouldn’t be doing my part as a dating coach if I didn’t highlight that Zoosk has received backlash for having a lot of fake/spam profiles and for using bots to message users.

While it’s hard to say if they are doing this on purpose, the truth is that the site can feel a bit spammy at times.

I’ve had many clients on there and seen fake profiles, however I’ve also had clients use the site with a lot of success.

If you are good at spotting fake profiles and keeping an eye out for that, you will be fine. If you don’t want to be bothered with it, pay the extra $5 a month and stick with Match.com.

Bottom Line: Is Zoosk Worth It?

So the bottom line on Zoosk is that the free account is definitely worth it. That’s because you can sign up for free and see for yourself if you’re liking the men (or women) on there.

So the free account is 100% worth it.

After that, it’s up to you to decide if you want to pay for it. My suggestion would be to only pay for 1 month at a time, despite the savings discounts that they offer if you sign up for more months.

You can go through a lot of people in the first month and then if you still want to use the site, sign up for a multi-month pacakge.

So in a nutshell, my answer to “is Zoosk worth it?” is simply to try it out and see! https://editteen84.tumblr.com/post/653045865993388032/adult-dating-sites-laurinburg-nc. You won’t lose anything with the free account and you might just find a really great person on there 🙂

Click here to visit Zoosk’s website.

How To Attract A Man That Is High Quality

I hope you found this article helpful. You may have noticed me talk about feminine energy along the way. I strongly believe in the power of feminine energy to attract -higher quality men and to foster healthier relationships.

Learn more about attracting men with feminine energy in my guide “How To Attract Higher-Quality Men”. It’s free!

Conclusion

Thanks for checking out my article on the Zoosk Free Trial. I wish you all the best in your dating life.

Love your favorite dating coach,

-Lana

Finding “the one” on Zoosk is fun and easy. Let’s run through the Zoosk cost plans so you can get started! Full disclosure – The Date Mix is owned and operated by Zoosk, but this means we can give you the most accurate rundown.

Zoosk runs on a freemium model. That means you can check out our site, create a profile, and take a look at other users in your area before you even pay a dime! Then when you’re ready to start having conversations and make real connections, you can begin a paid subscription program. Let’s take a closer look at your options.

Zoosk Subscription Prices

How much does Zoosk cost?

The cost of a subscription may vary, but currently, Zoosk offers four payment options:

12 months 6 months3 months1 monthAustralian Dollars$14.95 per month or one payment of $179.40$14.95 per month or one payment of $89.70$24.95 per month or one payment of $74.85One payment of $34.95British Pounds£8.33 per month or one payment of £99.90£8.32 per month or one payment of £49.95£12.49 per month or one payment of £37.48One payment of £20.83American Dollars$12.49 per month or one payment of $149.88$12.49 per month or one payment of $74.95$19.98 per month or one payment of $59.95One payment of $29.95Canadian Dollars$12.50 per month or one payment of $149.95$12.49 per month or one payment of $74.95$19.98 per month or one payment of $59.95One payment of $29.95

Join Zoosk For Free Trial

Please note that Zoosk may modify the features that are available for free or through a paid subscription from time to time or during promotional periods.

They also offer a lot of Zoosk cost discounts (including this exclusive Zoosk promo code for readers of The Date Mix, which you should definitely use if you’re thinking of signing up).

But what’s so special about Zoosk anyway?

Zoosk is designed with you, the user, in mind. It’s an easy-to-use platform that’s trusted by over 40 million users worldwide. This huge dating pool means that whether you’re looking for someone similar to you or different to you, Zoosk’s got you covered!

A lot of online dating apps approach love and dating like a math equation or a job interview, maybe even a game, but our approach is more personal. We care about our members and want them to achieve dating success.

More ways to connect

Zoosk provides different ways for you to meet with the right people. Its advanced search filters allow you to personalize your search so that you can find someone special fast.

Exclusive features such as having access to special SmartPick technology or seeing who has viewed your profile are available once you choose your Zoosk cost plan.

Help when you need it

How To Chat On Zoosk For Free

Having some helpful online dating tools makes it easier to connect with someone special in the right way. That’s why we’ve created The Date Mix, your personal agony aunt that’s packed full of dating advice catered specifically towards Zoosk users.

Zoosk Membership Free

Advanced safety features

From photo and Facebook verification to a dedicated anti-fraud team, Zoosk goes the extra mile to create a safe dating environment for you. Your security and experience is our top priority!

So, that’s all of your Zoosk cost questions covered! Remember, it only takes one match to find your big love. We make finding that person both easy and fun!

Why not start your love story today and sign up here or download our app on the Apple App Store or Google Play Store!

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[polyamradiotranscripts]

Ep. 1 New relationship Energy

polyAM Radio espisode one: New Relationship Energy

[Begin transcript]

[Sophie]: Hello everybody and welcome to polyam radio. I'm Sophie Last-name-redacted

[Mara]: And I'm Mara Fake-last-name

[Sophie]: Welcome to the first episode of our brand new podcast about polyamory that weird relationship thing you do with lots of other people.

["Crazy little thing called love" by Queen plays]

[Sophie]: as i mentioned my name is Sophie, I'm a trans womam my pronouns are she her hers

[Mara]: I'm mara, I use them them theirs pronouns

[Sophie]: we're engaged

[Mara]: pretty cool, no big deal, whatever

[Sophie]: yeah, little bit, ya know, fiancees, plural

[Mara]: cool

[Sophie]: yeah and we've been doing poly for about four or five years now, depending on when you start counting

[Mara]: yeah yeah I'd say do

[Sophie]: yeah yeah cuz we've been together for almost six years this is our new show and we just wanted to tell you a little about it before we jump right in to this weeks topic. Basically this show is going to be about queer, trans, modern polyamory, we're not really going to be talking about swinging a whole lot we're not relly going to be talking about open relationships, or strict heirarchical structures very much, we're going to be talking about very egalitarian very feminist oriented polyamory

[Mara]: well and and, and not that those things are awful or horrible or bad or wrong it's just uh, this is this is what our experience is, this is what works well for us this is what works well for a lot of other people

[Sophie]: yeah absolutely the goal of this podcast is not to rip on those things

[Mara]: well and and I think it's like worth mentioning when you and I started polyamory like we had a tiered open relationship and like that just that didn't work for us that was a bad time uh

[Sophie]: yeah I mean we were also like literal kids and, dumb, and stuff

[Mara]:  oh yeah, no, we were dumb high schoolers

[Sophie]: yeah, so

[Mara]: [laughs]

[Sophie]: uh, yeah, high school sweethearts, lets talk a little bit about the structure of the show basically we're gonna try to drop episodes every other week. We're just starting so if we mess up a little bit, really sorry, there's not much we can do about it

[Mara]: we're humans

[Sophie]: yeah we're both students, uh, which is like a subcategory of humans uh that we someday hope to become humans, someday we hope to become humans, not inhumans like the x-men or whatever

[Mara]: well we're alreay inhumans, sike

[Sophie]: yeah I suppose

[Mara]: human, inhumans

[Sophie]: cuz I've got all these special powers, um

[Mara]: like weeping

[Sophie]: yeah, like lots of crying. Like i said we're going to try to drop shows every other week we're going to have a different topic on every show there's a small chance that if sometime we feel like there's new information out or something like that or our perscpectives have changed we'll drop an episode on a topic and revisit it, uh but generally speaking we're going to try to keep it fresh. How this is going to work is that me, Sophie, so you'll learn my name Sophie Sophie Sophie. I'm going to be the main host of this show, and Mara is going to be one of a couple co-hosts that help me out all the time so Mara is a voice you'll be hearing from a lot but probably not on every single episode. Got some other partners that wanna get in the rotation get in the mix, partly just to keep the perscpective fresh and everone's an expert on different things which is actually where I'm going next which is we're going to have occasional guest speakers on the show that are really knowledgable about specific things, because personally me, I don't consider myself an expert on poly or polyamory

[Mara]: Oh, god and I know I'm not and expert

[Sophie]: Yeah, absolutely I've only been doing it for four or five years, there's no way I could be and expert in something in that little amount of time. Ya know your undergrad takes four or five years and you barely know anything after that

[Mara]: well and and some people just have like different experiences too

[Sophie]: right exactly there are ascpects of polyamory that I can't speak to because I haven't had those experiences I think it would be really cool at some point to do a program or ya know uh and episode about having polyamorous parents and being a child raised in that. I was not in that situation so I can't really speak to it. So, we're going to try to mix it up, you're always going to have to deal with me unfortunately, uh, just to kind of keep some moderate level of consistency in how the show works, we're going to roate out the guest speakers based on ya know just kind of what information and experiences they have and can speak to

[Mara]: If this was a heirarchical relationship Sophie would be like your primary and I would be like a secondary [laughs]

[Sophie]: we don't do that bull shit here because, well  in my opinion it's inherently unhealthy and it makes people feel like they're less worthy and our beloved co-host is not less worthy so we also wanna talk about us some of  the other sections so we're gonna have some people talk about the main topic but we're also gonna have an advice section, hopefully and a lot of that is depedent on you the listener ya know if you want us to have a really cool advice section you have to send us really cool quetsions

[Mara]: I mean because the only thing I can give advice on is Oh my god both of my partners leave their dishes in the sink and don't do their dishes so how do I get my partners to do the dishes so like it can be goofy things like that or it can be, help, my partner is moving across the country how do I cope with this

[Sophie]: yeah absolutely and how do I tell them I'm that I'm running off or being scared or stuff like that, so it can be silly or serious if you want a sill or serious answer depending I mean you'll kind of get out of this what you put into it. basically what we're gonna try to do is if we get a lot of quetsions on a certain topic that'll inform what topics we cover in main episodes to try to hit couple of those with one stone and then address those quetsions directly, uh, or if ya know we may if we get a ton a ton a quetsions we may just do an episode at some point that is just ya know no cohesive structure just answering quetsions because y'all loved em and it was really popular

[Mara]: that would be a lot of fun

[Sophie]: that would be a lot of fun I would really dig that like ya know once every couple months just do an advice show, so the best way to reach us then would be either on twitter uh its polyam_radio uh you can tweet at us or you can send us and email with your quetsion and if you don't want it in public but you want it answered in a public medium, which would be weird, but you're certainly free to do that if it's longer than [Sophie]:40 character or however long they give you on twitter and our email is polyamradio@gmail.com and I believe that's right I'm going to check it and vamp for time until I do

[Mara]: [vamp with 'do do do']

[Sophie]: [vamp with 'do do do']

[Sophie]: Oh no I typed in fmail on my computer not gmail

[Mara]: uh while sophie looks that up actually I could probably

[Sophie]: polyamradio all underscrore no, uh all lowercase no underscore anything at gmail.com so poly a m radio, it's a joke ya get it? cuz AM radio is a medium where you talk to people on the radio and we call it polyam cuz polyamory. Alright so lets jump right in to talking about what this is actually supposed to be about now that we've waste about ten minutes of your time we're going to talk about new relationship energy today, we figured it would be good because this podcast is shiny and new and we're relly excited about it and we hope you're really excited about it and a lot of times when relationships are new they are bright and shiny and sometimes you do dumb shit because of it

[Mara]: sometimes?

[Sophie]: sometimes, yeah, uh

[Mara]: [laughs]

[Sophie]: yeah sometimes uh

[Mara]: speaking only for myself here I do really dumb shit

[Sophie]: yeah and it's really interesting because the times you where you haven't done dumb shit uh because you're in a new relationship generally speaking that just means that it hasn't been the appropriate amount of months since you've done that dumb shit and you're not ready to really own up to it yet so if you're like that's not me I'm not doing dumb shit cuz of my new relationship tweet at me in like six months or whatever and then we'll talk

[Mara]: sophie is the queen of doing that

[Sophie]: okay I mean you say that but like saying that is kind of I think is reductionist because like I do dumb shit all the time anyways

[Mara]: okay true but like you're you're new relationship dumb shit is like [wooshing noise]

[Sophie]: yeah well part of it is that um like, we talk about, we're going to be talking about disability and a lot of stuff on this show uh I'm bipolar so I have to deal with mania on top of new relationship energy sometimes and ya know I mean, I've taken psychology clases and we learned about mania as running naked through the shopping mall ya know in this extreeme cases and that's not at all what mania is in most people's lives I have had some, relationship equivalents of running naked through the shopping mall uh ya know I've definitley um ya know called a partner like 80 times or something like that, in a matter of, however long, ya know or at least it felt like 80 times

[Mara]: let me just pull up my phone records

[Sophie]: yeah, honestly,

[Mara]: [laughs]

[Sophie]:yeah well you live with me so you get the worst of it

[Mara]: middle of the night, cuddle me[sustained]

[Sophie]: okay, thats not even, well yeah um, that was mania lat night but normally that's just cuz I'm a huge cuddle bug

[Mara]: that's true

[Sophie]: anyways, um, new relationship energy uh it feels weird and it can makes us do dumb shit and sometimes it can even make our partners insecure so we want to have a discussion about it because as people who have started a lot of new relationships recently it's been something that's been very prevalent in our lives and it's been something that we've had to deal with ya know I I kind of alluded to this before but we don't neccecarliy consider ourselves experts on poly, we consider ourselves and I consider myself someone who has made a lot of poly mistakes and who has done a lot of things wrong, and I've also done a lot of things right because just by rote of doing this for a long enough ya know you, you make lots of decisions and choices and actions and some of thema are great and some of them are not so great and we wanna talk about that so I wanna preface all of this with, we do not consider ourselves experts on it, this is our experience, what we think, if you think we're totally wrong I'm not gonna say that you're wrong and that we're totally right, uh I do think that ya know I think that no matter who you are or where you're coming from even if you're a monogamous you'll be able to get something out of this cuz a lot of these feelings and experiences and what not aren't neccecarliy unique to polyamory in my mind  

[Mara]: yeah uh so now that we've been like babbling at you about new relationship energy new relationship energy we should probably like talk about what it is so people are sitting there like horrifically confused so it's kind of almost exactly what it sounds like

[Sophie]: Webster's Dictionary defines it as

[Mara]: yeah okay [laughs] so Webster Dictionary definition probably more like, urban dictionary definition

[Sophie]: ooh that was a good goof I like that

[Mara]: you could proba- like so you know how you feel so happy like you're gonna puke in the begining of a relationship just like constantly just like the butterlies in you're stomach and this person can do no wrong, and oh my god how is everybody not in love with this person maybe, mabye that's just me but like I oh my gosh I like I feel like I'm gonna puke I'm so happy when when I start a new relationship, it's pretty dumb

[Sophie]: yeah well with me a lot of times it manifests itself in uh a manner similar to ya know I'm always wanting to talk to this person always wanting to be around this person and even there are times when I'm kind of saturated with them where it's like wow, I could really use a moment alone to myself to like clean my glasses and wipe my ass and just ya know someth- like time where it's like a little isolated little quality time alone, that's good sometimes uh you want to hermit a little bit and that is normally what happens with partners with me at least just because you can't be around people constantly, problem is, is that a lot of times with new relationship energy that feeling of wanting to isolate yourself just a little bit every now and then isn't there, at least for me uh and that can cause some problems either just because you're around people all the time or you're neglecting your other relationships or responsibilities, it's like we're both students who have like homework and shit, so it can cause you to, in some cases neglect other areas of your life because you're, ya know, hopping into bed with this perosn when you have other shit to do or you just wanna, ya know , you're planning your day around getting dinner with them even though you've seen them every day this week and just kind of going to uh sometimes like comical levels of effort just to spend time with this person and kind of shoe horn-ing it in, for me a lot of times that's what it ends up looking like and a lot like Mara said that it feels like butterlies it feels like this person is amazing and oh my god I can't believe they're into me and, ya know, sometimes even just being insecure and being like maybe the're not into me so, uh, for me a lot of times that's how it manifests

[Mara]: um, yeah, for me I'm like oh I don't know I just I I get super super into people and I'm like not not neccecarliy like I wanna be around you every second of every day uh like Sophie gets I I very much value my alone time and my hermitage time and I will like totally straight up interrupt dates with partners to be like, ya, no I need to be alone, I need to take a bath with a bath bomb and just like chillax that's that's who I am as a person but like I'll be constantly thinking about them, I'll be wanting to spend all of my time with them, I'll like, I don't shut up about people when I get new relationship energy like I will just talk, and talk, and talk, and talk, and talk, and talk, and talk, to anyone who will listen to me uh which that's it's not great

[Sophie]: yeah Mara really like ya know how um the kind of the romance dime novel that I'm not actually convinced anybody reads

[Mara]: speak for yourself

[Sophie]: woah wow okay

[Mara]: [laughs]

[Sophie]: that's a guilty pleasure you should feel bad about [laughs] wow okay yeah learning new things learning new things about my fiance gonna have to like process that later but you know like the shitty fantasy dime novels where it's like ya know, she swooned or whatever an like then like Ma- Mara gets very swoony over new partners and it's really cute and it's endearing

[Mara]: well I'm glad you think so

[Sophie]: well they think so to typically at least in my experience ya know everyone thinks you're super cute

[Mara]: that's alright I just kinda want to die uhh [laughs]

[Sophie]: well it's also really funny because you're really shy

[Mara]: [quietly] yeahhh

[Sophie]: so you're swooning but a lot of times you're to nervous to talk to people

[Mara]: they must'nt know, they must'nt know I swooned over them Sophie

[Sophie]: yeah absolutely

[Mara]: they'll think me a harlot

[Sophie]: well you are

[Mara]: [laughs]

[Sophie]: ya know, so [laughs] sorry I'm just imagining you as the kind of person who's concerned with being a harlot or not and it's I'm not handling it

[Mara]: I I don't know what you're talking about I don't know what you're trying to imply about me

[Sophie]: yeah well I mean [pause] okay

[Mara]: [laughs]

[Sophie]: yeah right now I am stammering worse than Mara does when talking to a new partner, ba dum cha oh with the look I'm getting right now folks

[Mara]: your intent was to shoot an arrow through my heart

[Sophie]: yeah yeah

[Mara]: fuckin bullseye

[Sophie]:  like this is an audio only medium but like I hope you can hear like the fear in my voice from the look I'm getting right now is, it is not great folks

[Mara]: yes clearly I am a very terrifying person

[Sophie]: yeah absolutely

[Mara]: [laughs] but so, so like the dumb stuff it can make you do, uh, that's what it is, that's how it feels

[Sophie]: so, so let me ask you a question then, basically it feels good generally right?

[Mara]: um, yes but

[Sophie]: yeah good but weird, ya know

[Mara]: well and and there are times where I don't know, speaking of like disability I'm, I've been like horrifically depressed my entire life so like when I'm really happy I'm just like alright when's the other shoe gonna drop what's gonna happen, but ya know

[Sophie]: yeah, I'm not saying it can go on for, indefinitely like if we're talking about ice cream like ya know I'm very lactose intolerant I shouldn't be eating ice cream at all but like, ya know the fact that we say ice cream tastes good doesn't mean that we always and only ever want to eat ice cream

[Mara]: oh yeah, no, no

[Sophie]: so so like this is a feeling that's generally good right like it's not a bad feeling

[Mara]: sometimes it's like being strapped to an emotional comet or at least for me ya know it's just kind of like this person has has tied like something around my heart and has just kind of sent it off into space and like I can't think straight and I don't like it all the time

[Sophie]: that's fair I uh a lot of times I get annoyed that I'm always thinking about this person cuz ya know I'm a I'm mean I've frequently got other stuff I'm trying to focus on like come on y'all I'm trying to do this calculus here like I can't be thinking about sucking on this persons face right now like ya know, derivatives they're sexy and they're important and  I should be doing them

[Mara]: that's cute

[Sophie]: yeah

[Mara]: uh

[Sophie]: that's my life

[Mara]: and I think I think for me um part of why I don't always neccecarliy like enjoy the the uh intense excitement is I I think that like I can kind of feel like I'm like neglecting my partners sometimes like oh oh I'm just so excited that it's kind of like negatively affecting this relationship I think that ya know it can feel really nice and really really exiting but I think sometimes why I don't neccecarliy enjoy uh that that strapped to an emotional comet feeling is um being like with other partners I talk and talk and talk and talk and talk right and I'm constantly talking about my new partner and like oh what if they're getting annoyed what if they're feeling left out like what if I'm neglecting my partner for this other person and that's a really horrible feeling for me personally

[Sophie]: yeah absolutely and that's actually what I kinda wanted to get into here, ya know, we talk about this and it's, ya know again like I said it's it's like a roller coaster or ice cream or whatever it's not neccecarliy bad it's not always what you're in the mood for and there is a tim- there is a point where it becomes too much but like what are some of the negative effects of new relationship energy because ya know we chose this to be the first episode of our podcast and at least in my mind it would be weird to have picked that and have it just be something that we talk about where it's like oh it's this vaugley inconvinient little thing that doesn't really affect you or your other relationships at all like cuz in my experience it does have, ya know for lack of a better term some deleterious, some bad uh effects, some drawbacks so what are some ways that uh in your experience uh new relationship energy can be a bad thing

[Mara]: [laughs] le- let let me think of a couple examples here

[Sophie]: I think I think for one at the very least is ya know all the dumb shit it makes you do

[Mara]: Oh yeah no for sure

[Sophie]: like we talked about that briefly but like ya know it's worth bringing up again like uh it can make you make an ass of yourself ya know I had a relationship a while back where ya know it was making me kind of blin- the new relationship energy was kinda making me blind to how this how this other partner was treating and interacting with some of my other partners and, ya know, not to say that ya know this person wasn't the devil by any means but there were lots of like little like slights and everything going on and it was causing my partner a lot of well well you it was causing you a lot of anxiety

[Mara]: yeah it was

[Sophie]: and it was making, ya know, the fact that I wasn't seeing this was making you feel gaslit when it was something that ya know I was having a hard time validating because I ya know I wasn't noticing and I wasn't picking up on these frankly very subtle signals and and and whatnot

[Mara]: well and I think the hardest thing too was that um like even if you weren't picking up on it like you weren't listening ya ya know and that was the really hard thing for me

[Sophie]: yeah I think new relationship energy makes communication harder and I and I think that's the reality of it, ya know

[Mara]: well and I think especially like something, uh, dumb shit that you do when when you're um when you're experiencing new relationship energy is, ya know , it's the problem isn't you, right and the problem isn't this new person like it's, what could be wrong like you know this relationship is so great it can be really hard to to listen to what this other person is trying to say to you like hey here's how your attidute towards this is kind of hurting me

[Sophie]: yeah absolutely and I think that ya know to a big degree it's not like this person couldn't possibly be doing anything wrong it just feels like, get off their back ya know it just feels like what do they do that's so bad

[Mara]: well and you don't know them like I do, and

[Sophie]: yeah absolutely it's like you're not spending all this time with them and everything and ya know and you're trying to make the new relationship work, you're always worried that you're gonna scare someone off or whatever and that's pretty standard stuff that we all ya know deal with and what not I mean I don't I don't think that  doesn't make you the devil because you're having this new relationship energy

[Mara]: oh god no no

[Sophie]: it can just kind of make you blind to certain things that are going on, not even saying this new partner ya know this isn't a problem that only occurs if your new partner happens to be someone who is secretly totally toxic ya know this is a problem that occurs ya know like lots of people have like little things about them that make them ya know not a hundred percent positive influences on your life like there's no way anybody's a hundred percent positive influence on your life unless they're totally bullshitting you putting a ton of effort into it that's why being a parent is hard that's why your parents don't talk to you the same fucking way they do their friends is because they're trying to be a hundred percent positive, well, most parents I think are ya know are at least trying to be a hundred percent positive influence, I think a lot of them fall way short but that's an entirely different conversation ya know the fact of the matter is, is that when you're trying to be a good influence for someone you behave differently then when you're just, like, chilling around them and spending time with them doing all this other shit ya know so like, it can make you blind to, to some of things your partners are bringing up I think is the big thing for me ya know I, what are some other ways that new relationship energy can kind of, hurt other relationships or or that relationship itself

[Mara]: um, I I think sometimes like I've personally made some pretty like rash decisions about a partner before ya know in the new relationship energy phase and ya know all of the sudden the new relationship energy is dissapated and like you're hanging out with them and you're like oh, oh no like

[Sophie]: [laughs]

[Mara]: what have I done here, ya know I uh, I don't think I want this with this person anymore how, how do I talk to this person about it I think that's something that can be like for me it's a very big concern it's like am I making this decision about this partner because it's genuinley what I feel and what I want or am I making this with uh, ya know, the dopamine and they oxytocin and all those fun brain chemicals are kinda like they got you going and they, this person can do no wrong like let's move in and live together and have babies together and and all the sudden, oh shit, I don't wanna have babies I don't even wanna like with this person let alone even have babies ya know

[Sophie]: yeah well and I also think that ya know realistically I know we've both been in situations where new relationship energy has made us get into more commited relationships then we had time for and we were ready for uh, that's happened a couple times realistically and it's been really hard to back pedal uh because that's not a fun conversation to have with someone and be like yeah listen I'm still interested in you but ya know how we were gonna be ya know this really committed really serious thing, that's not actually something I'm ready for and I was just being really foolish and foolhardy and I'm sorry that was a shitty thing I did like that is not a conversation that is fun to have for anybody and it's really hard to come back from there, ya know it's kind of like you can't un-fuck someone, you can't, ya know, you can stop sleeping with someone you can can, ya know you can choose to not continue to do it but you can't undo the fact that you did it and that can be really hard to do

[Mara]: right, well you can't take back the the words that you said and the feelings that it caused like  I think that's something that ya know this is this is a relationship and I've kind of made this bond to you, I can't I can't really get un-engaged from you at this point like we can't just say ohh nevermind like we don't wanna be engaged anymore we we kind of have to say like alright like what does what does this

[Sophie]: well I wanna put out there ya know we could but it would be messy

[Mara]: oh yeah [laughs]

[Sophie]: we would have to like re-structure our whole relationship and focus for probably years on returning to whatever point that we wanted to get to with a lesser commitment I mean and ya know whether or not the relationship would survive that I honestly can't say I, just like, not that I would want to leave you if you did that or whatever, just that's a really tricky thing to learn how to navigate

[Mara]: yeah for sure well and I think like ya know even even on the flip side of like ya ya know, I think sometimes when I'm ha- with a partner who's experiencing a lot of new relationship energy like this is this is a personal flaw uh I can feel like kind of left out or like oh, this partner doesn't actually love me they love this person way more they're just with me because I'm familiar and ya know I've I've been with them for a while and I'm just, ya know they're gonna get sick of me and they're gonna get tired of me and they don't actually like me like that is that is something that I have concerns about and like part of that is like acutal emotional trauma from my past, but, like part of that too is just kind of, we're, we're kind of surrounded by this society that thinks oh monogamy is the one true way and all you polyamorous people are gonna settle down and, umm, which is that's just dumb

[Sophie]: yeah it's foolish

[Mara]: like you know it's not doing this because I don't want commitment, I have several commitments like I want commitment it's not I don't want commitment uh,

[Sophie]: yeah I more commitment in one of my relationships, this one in particular than most monogamous people do in theirs and then if you add up all the commitments from all of my relationships into one gigantic scary comittment monster, ya know it becomes

[Mara]: [gasp] is this what I've been hearing about? The commitment monster

[Sophie]: the commitment monster yeah

[Mara]: is this why people get cold feet?

[Sophie]: I guess, yeah

[Mara]: is the comittment monster coming for them?

[Sophie]: we have our first celebirty appearance on our show it's the commitment monster

[Mara]: [growling a la commitment monster]

[Sophie]: wow yeah

[Mara]: [growling] I do [growling]

[Sophie]: [laughs]

[Mara]: [laughs]

[Sophie]: hello commitment monster how are you doing today

[Mara]: I'm, I don't know will I wanna be with you forever and ever

[Sophie]: oh no how do I get out of this now

[Mara]: [laughs]

[Sophie]: see that's how they get ya folks ya konw commitment monster I gotta say you sound a lot like uh like a t-rex but you look a lot like if cookie monster and animal had a baby and I'm just really curious about that

[Mara]: I am the product of their commitment

[Sophie]: [laughs]  well you heard it here first folks cookie monster and animal the muppets are in a triad with a t-rex and they're very committed and they're presumeably very happy a well maybe not becuase that's why a monster grew out of it they're in an unhappy triad

[Mara]: [normal voice] no it's their baby

[Sophie]: ohh, oh it's like spwan thing

[Mara]: yeah

[Sophie]: oh I thought this was like a metaphysical I though this was like a metaphysical being that arose out of like ya know just like the spirit of commitment

[Mara]: I mean I think everybody has their own commitment monster, some of those are acutal tangible babies

[Sophie]: fuck that's deep

[Mara]: [laughs]

[Sophie]: ya know you say like you're ripping on babies a lot for someone who like ya know was the one who convinced me to have kids

[Mara]: oh god I love babies like don't get me wrong I love babies, I'm not ripping on babies I I think but you know for some people, they're afraid of having kids and for them like that comittment monster is kind of realized in like I don't wanna have kids, I'm scared of having kids with this person I'm scared of like ya know

[Sophie]: that's fair

[Mara]: like I'm scared of being saddled to this tiny little life for eighteen years that's a long time folks

[Sophie]: yeah that's fair well and, well really forever, like basically until you die because like at eighteen years ya know like they don't stop being your kid like you just like

[Mara]: the relationship changed

[Sophie]: yeah like that is the best case scenario for when you no longer have to deal with them in your house anymore

[Mara]: [laughs]

[Sophie]: like that is the shortest commitment for like okay how much longer until this little fuck isn't eating my food anymore like that's what eighteen is

[Mara]: and even they come back from college and uh hi mom sorry for eating all your food

[Sophie]: I didn't but my parents don't keep food in the house they

[Mara]: right well that's a different story

[Sophie]: yeah they subsist on like saltines, apples, and Fox News alone, yeah it's pretty rough

[Mara]: well the racism is enough to kind of sustain any white American I suppose

[Sophie]: any good red blooded American can be sustained on racism alone

[Mara]: [laughs] but, I digress or we digress

[Sophie]: yeah, yeah that got kind of off there but I liked it

[Mara]: [laughs]

[Sophie]: I like where it went

[Mara]:  but it can really kinda feel like um ya know it it you're old and you're boring and your partner is just going to get rid of you right that's like the ultimate goal of your partner ge- they're interested in somebody else so they must be more interested in them than you like thats just the very monogamous attidute towards it, right? but like we personally practice relationship anarchy all of our relationships just are what they are and they don't really have effects on ya know what another relationship looks like like my relationship to Sophie does not uh affect my relationship with another partner or anybody else really just like ya know having, being friends with one individual doesn't affect your friendship with somebody else I think that's pretty silly when you think about you're you're friendships that way so why would you think about like you're re- romantic relationships, sorry folks, there is there is a squirrel

[Sophie]: yeah there

[Mara]: stealing an apple out of our compost

[Sophie]: a whole apple that got just too rotten to eat so I threw it out

[Mara]: oh that squirrel is going to have the greatest day of its life folks

[Sophie]: litterally like I'm just watching a squirrel just jizz its pants over how much food it found

[Mara]: it's having new relationship energy over this apple

[Sophie]: my biggest concern is that it's gonna hop down from our deck, which is on the second floor of our, so it's an apartment it's on the second floor, my biggest fear right now is that the squirrel is gonna try to jump down from here with the apple in its mouth instead of just knocking it down and retreiving it and that the extra weight is gonna make it hit the ground real real hard and just kill it

[Mara]: and that is why new relationship energy is dangerous folks

[Sophie]: yeah I guess

[Mara]: it uh that apple, that apple will get ya every time

[Sophie]: yeah well, apple a day, well ya know keep the doctor away cuz you are a squirrel and it will kill you

[Mara]: [laughs]

[Sophie]: [laughs] okay, uh

[Mara]: goodness gracious

[Sophie]: yeah yeah we're great at this we're really good podcasters folks this is just like people are like tuning in for their auditory experience of the day and just just having a blasty blast

[Mara]: they're getting, a squirrel

[Sophie]: yeah

[Mara]: oh no

[Sophie]: oh he'll be back

[Mara]: I hope so

[Sophie]: the apple is still there he not

[Mara]: [laughs]

[Sophie]: god I swear to god all of this is making it through post, so anyways going back to things feeling like maybe your partner is only with you because it's, ya know, familiar and and it can start to feel like maybe you're just there as a saftey net for your partner uh and ya know maybe they're not just into you maybe they're just into the stability of you and I gotta say folks, if you're feeling that way about your partner, I don't know you, I don't know your partner, ya brain's lyin to ya, it just is, I I got that feeling all the time about a lot of different partners and I gotta tell you like I'm really fortunate my partners got they're so fucking into me they're it's it's rediculous

[Mara]: it's pretty dumb

[Sophie]: it's like they don't even know who I am

[Mara]: [laughs]

[Sophie]: it's real bad folks

[Mara]: I uh well yeah it's it's ya know

[Sophie]: well but but my point is like this isn't something that, ya know y'all aren't just with me cuz it's easy to be because I'm not always the easiest person to be with and y'all aren't just in this for stability or whatever cuz, here's the thing when people are in relationships just for the stability they get out of those relationships because that's not something that they probably want to continue to be in, if there's someone else they'd rather be with and they no longer want to be with you they do this thing called a break-up or a divorce or whatever we  have a word for that folks, so, ya know, that's a little message from me to you, that's not what's happening, but it can feel that way and if you are feeling that way it's super important to communicate that to your partner, and it's okay to just say hey, ya know I know you've got a lot of new relationship energy and I I'm supporting that, that's great ya know that's real real good

[Mara]: right like I'm excited for you too

[Sophie]: yeah I'm feelin compersion, I'm happy for your happiness and I'm happy because of your happiness even though it doesn't directly impact me it's called compersion ya know that that like I said that's all good good stuff, and it's also okay to be like ya know I'm just, I'm feeling a little insecure and I'm feeling like maybe you're just with me because this is familiar and, ya know, I just need reasurance, do you still wanna be with me and everything and probably they'll say yes because you're a real real cool person uh and they'll just put their arm around you and say hey listen it's familiar, but not too familiar

[Mara]: but not too not familiar

[Sophie]: it's a new craze, something something "mbmbam" and then you'll go have sex because your problems will be solved, if you're into having sex when your problems are solved

[Mara]: [gasp] sorry, the squirrel wants to come in

[Sophie]: he can't

[Mara]: I know he can't, sorry folks, you were getting into this for they polyamory and it's just squi- it's all squirrels now

[Sophie]: yeah you can tell your friends about it if they're into squirrels and shit, so that's basically our take on new relationship energy uh if there's anything you felt we left out or anything you want to add to the conversation feel to take that to our twitter or to our email, preferably twitter because it's public and then other people can benefit from what you have to say because I'm sure it's genius, if you wanna holler at us because we did everything wrong that's fine too, ya know, just try to be nice about it we're both, ya know, pretty new to podcasting this might now be the best, ya know the most deligh-, this might not be the most delectable audio experience you've ever had but we're working hard to make it better and any tips you have about that would also be appriciated, I do wanna mention quick that we were welcomed into the trans podcaster visibility initiative so we are part of that network, and I just wanna thank them for their help and guidence while we were getting started it's been a huge huge help and actually before I even made this first episode ya know I had just sent someone a message to ask them a question and, ya know, one thing let to another and we were invited to join this good good network where all these trans, queer podcasters are uh, ya know, making their art, and making their stuff and I just think it's really cool and we're really fortunate to be a part of that and I think we're gonna have some real good guest speakers because of that network also I doubt they'll ever hear this but I just want, I think we both kinda want to thank, the entire Mcelroy family especially Griffin, Travis, Justin, and Clint for just being real real bad at Dungeons and Dragons and for getting us into podcasting through "Mbmbam" and "The Adventure Zone" they're not paying us to say that, just real big fans and you should go watch their stuff, uh

[Mara]: or listen

[Sophie]: er, listen to their stuff, yeah because this is an audio medium and I know that because I'm looking at a microphone and no camera, so anyways this has been polyAM radio and just a reminder before you go, don't date your best friends dad and don't date your dad's best friend, see ya next time folks

["Good old fashioned lover boy" by Queen plays]

[Announcer]: This show was part of the trans podcaster visibility initiative

[End transcript]