#I can’t wait to see what the actual reeses peanut butter fuck happened to her

[tunasama13]

Ah fuck! I traumatized my blorbo again! :(

**SCREAMS AND THROWS MIGUEL ANGST INTO THE FAMILY FUNCTION**

MAJOR TW FOR ATTEMPTED S/H, SELF DEPRECATION, AND IMPLIED CHILD DEATH

Another day goes by like the ever so slight movement of the holographic clocks ticking. He took off his mask, knowing nobody was around to see the state he was in.

Everything inside of him hurt, it wasn’t that he was sore or anything, it was the feeling of constant guilt that was once again trying to rise out of his chest and suffocate him from the inside out. Everything is spiraling downwards, way too quickly for his liking.

Everyone was in the common area doing whatever, and he managed to slip away into the shadows without anyone noticing. It wasn’t hard to do, considering everyone was focused on Hobie and Pavitr arguing about the concept of a hotdog being a sandwich.

He’s always been kind of a loner anyways, if anyone noticed him leaving, they likely didn’t think much of it. Good riddance, considering what has been going on since the morning until now.

He was in a pretty pissy mood all day, and the others seemed to take notice of it. He even snapped at them when he didn’t mean to, over something that didn’t even warrant that reaction. He only realized he had yelled at them when Gwen looked visibly nervous, to which he quickly muttered out a ‘Sorry’ and swung away.

Jess was worried, she has been since that day, yet she still backed off, it was normal for him to be like this after the accident.

But today...? He couldn’t even bear to look at himself in the mirror on the wall of the monitor room.

All he saw was a pathetic excuse of a leader, a friend, a husband.

A father.

Before he knew it, the pain became way too much for him to handle, a feeling he had felt so many times for the last month crawled up his throat. Pain. Hatred, Fear... it all gathered in the corners of his eyes.

It hurt so bad, he wanted to scream- No, he couldn’t let them hear him. He’s done such a good job at hiding everything up to this point, he can’t let some stupid episode break his streak.

He stifles a sob, it comes out as a choked sound, helpless, like it came from the people he was supposed to be saving. His hands, no, his whole body was shaking, he was losing control.

“Stupid... stupid... STUPID!!!” He stumbles backwards after slamming his fist into his own temple, only to be caught by the wall behind him. He barely even registered that he was on the floor until everything seemed so much bigger than him.

How would they react if they knew? Would they replace him with someone more competent, less swayed by their emotions? Would they laugh at him? For fucks sake, most of the team was made up of kids, kids who have had their entire lives taken away from them.

What would they even do if they saw him right now?

He’d replace himself too.

He shouldn’t be the one shaking with silent sobs, tears running down his face, he has to be the adult here! But he can’t control anything, it’s like something in his mind was controlling every single movement he made.

A marionette being controlled by the cruel inevitablity of the universe.

He wonders, if he hadn’t been so ignorant, if only he was there in time. She would still be here, their daughter is gone, forever. Nothing could bring her back, and he knew it. He wasn’t Kingpin, falsely motivated by something that would never work in the first place.

He was supposed to be comforting his other team members after losing their person, but no matter how much he tried to push down everything to help, it always swung back to hit him even harder than before.

It was only a matter of time before he broke down in front of everyone, helpless, worthless, pathetic.

“...shut up shut up shutupSHUTUPSHUTUP!” He croaked, pulling on his own hair, hitting himself, doing whatever he could to punish himself for being such a goddamn weakling. His sobs were slowly becoming louder, he needed to shut up. Everything was for the good of the multiverse, and he knew it, so why did it hurt so much? Why did he constantly want to rip his own heart out in hopes he would just stop feeling things?

(Whoopsie doodles TW section for attempted S/H here!)

That’s it, he thinks, he needs something to drag him out of this pit he’s fallen into. His claws pop out with a *shnk!*, he immediately goes for his own throat, expecting to feel the warm gush of blood. Lyla would warn someone if he ripped out his own neck, she was gone for now. At least until the biometrics on his suit would start going crazy from blood loss.

But... nothing happens. All he can feel are his scarred fingerpads harshly digging into his skin, he forgot, he couldn’t cut himself open with his own talons.

‘Stupidshockingbastard you couldn’t even save your DAUGHTER and you forgot your own body’s limits, idiot idiot-“.

He barely registers the feeling of his own nails clawing at his throat, it barely hurts, it’s nothing compared to everything restrained behind the small leak of emotion that had sprung out.

He wonders if just letting this out hurts this much, he could only imagine how absolutely horrible that full tidal wave of held back emotions would feel. He can already feel the pressure building, migraines, constant nausea, falling asleep on his own computer.

Even they were trying to coax him to air out this terrible fucking feeling in one way or another, constantly holding him, giving him sweet little messages and pecks on the cheek before leaving for work. One night they even tried getting him to open up, only for him to selfishly deny them any chance of him opening up and letting everything go.

The hands scrabbling at his neck finally relent, he stares down at them, watching them tremble in tandem with his own heavy breathing.

He wishes he could be like Peter, who was most likely looking for Mayday. He’s jealous, he hates seeing Peter and Mayday do the stuff him and Gabriella used to do before that asshole took his perfect life away from him.

He hears himself yelp and flinch as another set of hands wrap around his own, his heart drops. This is it, he’s been caught, everyone’s going to find out. His breathing immediately picks up as he struggles weakly, trying to pry whoever was holding his hands off of him.

The hands move down to a little bit below his wrist, gently rubbing circles as a grounding method knowing his hands are sensitive.

“It’s okay... you’re gonna be okay... just breathe” It’s a familiar voice, thank shock, it’s just Jess. He’s still not okay though, his quiet sobs relenting as they’re replaced with quick, heavy breathing.

“Lyla told me you weren’t doing good... do you want to talk about it?” She smiles gently, he knows she knows what he went through, she’s trying to help. But some side of him hates it, he hates feeling like a helpless child, someone who needs to be saved.

He pushes her away, getting a surprised sound as he struggles to stand up, his vision spinning.

“No- no... I’m fine.” He bites out, wiping his tears with his wrist. Why is he like this? It’s stupid and foolish, but he can’t stop himself, it’s like he’s on autopilot.

He really didn’t want to seem small, not in control. Jess glares, yet there’s no real heat behind it.

“Okay, I want an excuse to how you could be fine when you’re curled up in the corner crying your eyes out!” Jess crosses her arms as he stumbles a bit, trying to get away.

“Listen Jess, I really don’t want to deal with this right now, I’m tired from today’s shenanigans and I would really appreciate it if-“ He was silenced when Jess grabbed his wrist, she looked pissed, yet still concerned.

“Are you crazy?! Holding everything back isn’t going to fix this! And I don’t care if your excuse is that you don’t want anyone to see you looking “weak”, everyone is already worried about you because of your month long vacation you didn’t explain to them!” She shoots back, it was enough to quiet him down. Leaving him to tremble at the idea of everyone finding out again.

Jess sighs, gently pulling him towards a chair and almost forcefully pushing him down onto it by the shoulders.

“Now, you’re going to tell me what set you off so we can finally get somewhere for once, then I’m getting you a drink and something to eat because you look like five seconds away from death-“ She continued in her rambling, leading him to sigh and draw his knees up to his chest. This was about to be a very long lecture about how foolish he was acting.

Understandable though.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #301

“i was waiting for my chance to find the light”

Did you like the beach a lot more as a kid more than you do now? Why/Why not? I did. Everything was more fun as a kid. I never REALLY loved it, though, because I did and still do hate the heat and walking through sand and getting it stuck all over you. It's pretty much torture now because I have extreme difficulty walking through sand. Has there ever been a time where you just couldn't stop crying? Explain. I know I've had days many years ago when my PTSD was truly awful where I'd sob multiple times a day. What's your least favorite time of day? Why don't you like that time?Late afternoon, like around 3-4 or so. By that point I'm usually bored senseless and going downhill. Do you like your lips? Do you enjoy kissing? They're fine, ig. And I mean yeah, if I'm really into the person? Do you like any music from the American Idols? Which ones? Ngl, I don't even remember any besides Kelly Clarkson, and who the FUCK doesn't like "Breakaway." Do you like when people challenge you? If so, in what? No, I get nervous about embarrassing myself. Personally for you, is falling for someone way beyond your control? It is entirely out of my control. What's something other than a fruit that you love in milkshakes? (Ex.twix ) Mostly chocolate stuff, haha. What is your all time FAVORITE milkshake? Ever tried the Reese's Blast from Sonic? That's some A+ shit. What's the latest you've ever stayed up reading a book? No clue. When having a peanut butter & jam sandwich, what is the best kind of jam? Grape. Do you like to write poetry? Yeah, but it's been a long time since I wrote anything. I used to do it aaall the time, but now I have to be seriously motivated and dedicated to the idea. When you get mad do you cry? Absolutely. Would you ever consider modeling? No. I do think one or two model-esque photos of myself would be nice and possibly help my self-confidence, but it's not something I'm seeking out and paying for. Are you scared of crossing bridges? Not very, no. If they're kinda sketchy-looking, I might feel a tad tense, but I'm not really scared of them. Would you consider yourself clumsy? I am unfuckingbelievably clumsy. Ever bought ice cream from an ice cream truck? Yeah, sometimes Mom would let me and my sisters do that as kids when one came through our neighborhood. Have you ever had a poem or story published? No. If you had/have a kid would you ever let them get a tattoo? If they were of the appropriate age, of course. And if they were getting it done professionally and not at some party drunk with friends. They better be in a sterile environment with someone who knows what they're doing. Do you love guinea pigs? Absolutely. I had three or four as pets when I was a kid. What is the worst thing you ever did that got you grounded? Probably run away from home. Have you ever been chased by a snake? No... and this is a misconception. Snakes don't chase. They go for what they see as the safest escape route, and sometimes they identify your own chosen direction as where they wanted to head, too. Where do you wanna work? I want to be a freelance photographer. What awards have you won? A lot of "A honor roll" trophies through school, among other academic awards. I seriously don't know what happened to that intelligence. I also have dance awards and lots of childhood sports team stuff. Would you consider yourself good at taking care of kids? I don't think I am, no. I'm way too nervous and awkward around kids. I've had to babysit for my sister twice though, and Ashley told me the kids had lots of fun and had no complaints. I guess like... I can do it, I am just very, very uncomfortable taking kids under my wing. I worry about leading them in the wrong direction. How old would a guy have to be before you wouldn't date them? I don't know, it would really depend on how much I was into the person. I generally stick with the approximation of a ten year gap though being my limit, so I think maybe him being in his mid-30s would make me feel a bit too weird. Be honest, have you ever tried weed? No, but quite honestly, I'd probably try an edible. I refuse to smoke anything for my lungs' sake. I'm curious if medical marijuana would actually be beneficial for me. Has anyone ever broken up with you with a note? No, but uh... I have, lol. It's how I broke up with my "puppy-dog love" boyfriend in middle school. Literally after he asked me if I was thinking of breaking up with him, and I said no before handing him the note because I was just too scared to do it to his face. I know, that was absolutely awful. Never, ever do that to the most innocent boy ever, kids. He didn't deserve that. Do you have sensitive teeth? Kinda. What was the worst thing you ever did to get detention/suspended? I've only ever had detention once for having too many tardies to my first class of the day in high school. We'd frequently arrive to school just a few minutes late because I was fucking impossible to drag out of bed. Have you ever suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder? Yes. Do you suffer from nasal allergies? Yes. What's your favorite kind of pudding? I only really like chocolate pudding. Have you done anything really interesting lately? I guess you could consider starting a virtual partial hospitalization program "interesting." It's not the intensive version like my first was, but rather being shorter. I just really need something to get my mental health back on the tracks. What’s the latest really fun thing you’ve done? REALLY fun? Hell if I know. I don't experience "fun" a lot at all anymore... I only ever feel like, this watered down, unenthusiastic sorry excuse for it. Have you discovered any good music lately? Oh yeah, I've found lots of 3TEETH songs I'm mad into. "ULTRAnumb" by Blue Stahli is also a total bop. How about any good new television shows? No. Or perhaps some interesting books? Nothing new, no. Have you picked up a new hobby or learned a new skill? I mean, within what timespan? Nothing lately, really. Has anybody ever done your makeup for you? Yeah. Do you own any sparkly items of clothing? No. What’s the most colorful accessory you own and use? *shrug* Do you enjoy drag artists’ work? If so, name some of your favorites. Oh yes, I have wild respect for drag queens. I don't know enough of them to have a fair favorite, but I do watch Trixie Mattel on YouTube and he is a goddamn hoot. What, right now, is the best thing in your life? Um. I don't really know. Probably the fact my mother still lets my too-big-for-the-nest ass to live with her... I don't want to picture how my life would be if I didn't have her still essentially holding my hand. What’s a place you like to go to when you need to get away for a bit? I actually love car rides for this, so long as I can ride passenger and just blare my music and not talk. It's so odd, being afraid of driving but finding great freedom and comfort in just... going. Do you like apples? I love apples. Anything exciting coming up for you in the near future? I paid the deposit for my tattoo appointment, so it was officially scheduled in May!! I was expecting an open date to be kinda far with just how amazing this parlor is, so I wasn't too shocked to hear I have to wait a few months, but man I can hardly wait. When you get an account for something, what's the first username you try? Unless it's for a "professional" site, in which case I'd use my actual name, I just about without fail with use "Ozzkat," or replace the "o" with a zero if that's somehow taken. Would you be okay with a friend wanting to date one of your exes? Which ex? What kind of accent do people typically have where you're from? Southern. Does history interest you at all? Can't say it does. What's something you wish you could do-over? There are many things, man. Is your hair in layers or is it all the same length? Neither, really. The left side of my head is very short/shaved, and as the hair goes around to the right, it gets longer. There aren't "layers," though. Is there anyone who you're afraid to be in a car with, if they're driving? I wouldn't say afraid, but with my sister's road rage and serious tail-gating issue, riding with her can make me nervous. What's something you're very good at? Um, I guess creative writing. Do you like sour gummy worms? oh FUCK yeah Would you pick up a hitchhiker if they seemed harmless? No. I am way too paranoid for that shit. Would you be bothered if your boyfriend liked to bite you? Uhhh I'm going to assume you mean this in a sexual context, in which case I don't care so long as it's not in a visible spot. How often do you get the opportunity to be completely alone? The answer used to be a shitload, and seeing as I'm in my room most of the time, I still feel like that's kind of true, but since Mom's cancer diagnosis and she had to stop working, she's usually home with me. I like it that way, though. Total isolation is bad for me. Do you have a trampoline? Nah, haven't in many years. What's your favorite Pixar movie? Finding Nemo. What is the strangest thing you've been asked? Something sexual that made me extremely uncomfortable. What’s the weirdest thing about life that people just accept as normal? The fact we put so much worth into pieces of green paper. What's the most random thing you've done out of boredom? *shrug* What show did your parents not let you watch as a kid? There weren't any specific shows that we even wanted to watch that Mom forbade us to see... I mean she certainly wouldn't let my sisters and I watch something like South Park as little kids, but none of us really sought unsuitable shows out. We were all about Disney, Nick, and Animal Planet in my case. What is the most pleasurable feeling that doesn't involve anything sexual? What comes to mind first is a big hug from someone who makes you feel safe when you don't anywhere else. What was your last "oops, wrong person" moment? I'm going to assume I sent somebody a text meant for another person. I'm super careful about avoiding stuff like this because I get horribly embarrassed, so it's difficult to recall the last time I slipped up. What do you find attractive that isn't considered "normal" attraction? Having a broad imagination and drive to create. What’s the dumbest thing you’ve done drunk? N/A What's something you really enjoy, but can't have? A pet tarantula because Mom refuses to let me lmao. I'm so into them now and desperately want a Grammastola pulchra. What Wikipedia article have you recently read? I haven't read any recently. What subject should be taught at schools, but isn't? Basic adulting and financial skills. What is the worst game you've ever played? I dunno. I've played sooooo many video games throughout my life. What tragic event was coincidentally beneficial to you? My overdose because it led to an intensive partial hospitalization program that totally changed my life. What did you think was cool when you were younger that you now think isn’t? Good question... What are your favorite or most memorable lines from any movie/show? I vaguely remember the concepts of some quotes, but not well enough to recite them. None that are seriously memorable or heavy pop up in my head now. What's a good example of 'Don't knock it till you try it'? Putting peanut butter on top of waffles with syrup. It is fucking delicious. What's your go-to get pumped up song? 5FDP's cover of "Mama Said Knock You Out" is badass HYPE. What's the dumbest thing your parents have said or done? Well, through a family assessment before my current partial hospitalization could begin, I very recently learned my dad fucking did drugs before my sisters and I were born, including shit like cocaine. That was great to suddenly learn. As for my mom... probably have a kid too young? She doesn't talk very much about her eldest daughter's history with (and without) her, but I know enough to know that was a very rocky time in her life. What are some things you wish existed? Cures for countless illnesses, and I also have SUUUUUCH a yearning for some kind of technology that could copy an image in your head onto a drawing device. If only I could draw how/what I see up there... Which person shaped you the most? Jason. Or Mom. What’s the one movie you couldn’t finish? Why? Couldn't tell you; I just haven't watched enough. What's a small thing you have a big passion for? Meerkats, quite literally with "small" lmao. What change have you made recently to help the environment? I have metal straws I try to remember to bring with me if I go out to eat. What was the hardest thing you've ever had to forgive? The way Jason left. Is there anything or anyone you're angry at, that you haven't forgiven yet? I sometimes question if I truly have forgiven Jason. I lean kinda heavily towards yes, I have, I'm just bitter about it all regardless. Have you ever plotted revenge against someone? No. Have you ever done anything to get revenge against someone? I can't think of anything off the top of my head. What is the greatest longing of your heart? To feel purpose. Who was your first love? Some guy in high school who "had" to talk to me upon seeing me the first time, only to wind up wanting to hear nothing from me later on down the line. What denomination is your church (if you go)? N/A What was the first year you voted in a presidential election? This most recent election, actually. Have you ever been afraid of the world ending? I used to worry it would happen in my lifetime, but now I don't. If it ends, it ends. I ain't got much to lose nowadays. What is unfair about your life? My mental health. My financial position. I'd rather not focus on the billion shitty things going on in my life rn, so next question. Did you write love poems when you were younger? ugh Who are you jealous of and why? There's a lot of people I'm in some way envious of, honestly. Have you ever had an account of yours hacked? Yes. Thankfully nothing major happened. Have you ever been a victim of police misconduct? No.

[lightsandlostbells]

Skam España episode 2 reaction

After the first three episodes, Skam España has slid more into of the original storyline, although there are still some places where it keeps diverging. But you can always count on a squad power walk.

Episode 2

Clip 1 - Pizza solves problems

Eva is just chilling, eating snacks, thinking about her lying, two-timing, conniving boyfriend. Well, potentially lying and two-timing and conniving. She composes a text, saying that she thought she saw him on the bus with Inés, then backtracks and deletes the Inés part.

Jorge ignores her question and is like, hey, you alone? He rings the doorbell within a minute of her text, so either he was already in the neighborhood or he got to her place faster than Even in Skam season 3, episode 7.

And he brought a pizza! He got there so fast that I don’t think it could be a deflecting-suspicion pizza, but I guess it could hypothetically be a guilt-pizza. Most likely it’s just a pizza-pizza.

He has the decency to ask her about the meeting with the girls, which is nice, but he comes across as being maybe a little overly friendly? Like I could definitely see where he was on his best boyfriend behavior so Eva doesn’t ask more questions about him on the bus. But Eva does ask him, and he says he was just coming back from Lucas’ house on the bus. He says he was alone and Eva doesn’t push him to admit otherwise. I mean ... we know Jorge is up to something, but hypothetically he could have just happened to get on the same bus as Inés and engaged in awkward small talk. It could have been an Isak-and-Even-in-S3.2 situation, with less flirtation.

Jorge is like, whenever I’m in you’re neighborhood, I head over to you. I see you and I have to get close. Yeah, that would explain why you cheated on Inés, I guess!

I feel like Jorge is really nice and friendly but makes a lot of promises he can’t keep and uses his charm to get away with it.

They seem to be having a good time, except Eva looks down to see his phone, just sitting there on the counter, being all tempting. Her hand creeps toward it just a fraction at the very end.

Clip 2 - Reese’s are the best

Viri is trying to encourage the girls to sell stuff like T-shirts and hats to fund their trip. All due respect, Viri, but I would want to see those designs of those before you start manufacturing.

She also turns down an offer of a snack saying that it’s fattening. Eva is fine with getting fat. Nora says they didn’t have these snacks in Wisconsin. Cris is like, I thought you had everything in Wisconsin? Nora’s like, we had peanut butter and pancakes and Reese’s. Everyone is in agreement over Reese’s being delicious, which they are. Although I would have loved if Nora was like, “We had bratwurst and cheese curds.”

Fun fact: every Memorial Day weekend, Madison, Wisconsin hosts Brat Fest, the world’s largest festival of bratwurst. I feel like Nora needs to tell all of her friends about this in a detailed scene.

Anyway, Viri is not interested in this Wisconsin food talk and you can see her trying to interject before finally bursting out and asking the girls what they think of her plan to sell stuff. They’re all like, eh. Probably thinking about Reese’s.

Eva sees Jorge and trots off to kiss him. We move away from her POV for a moment, getting the girls’ opinions on Jorge. Cris would fuck him. Thanks for letting us know, Cris.

Clip 3 - Enter P-Cris

Yeah, I don’t know how much profit you’re going to make selling pens, Viri, unless they’re really fancy fountain pens or you’re selling them in a big pack.

Viri “forgot” to invite Amira to the group, not good, Viri. Amira is like, your pens plan is dumb and Viri is like well OBVIOUSLY we had this binding agreement yesterday to go ahead.

Lmao, Penetrator Chris is introduced because the girls are calling for girl Cris across the room and he just happens to be there? It’s not as funny as Eva hunting him down and bringing him to the girls’ bathroom, but I mean, the man saw an opportunity and took advantage of it.

P-Cris is pretty cute in a boy band sort of way. He doesn’t even introduce himself to the other girls gaping at him, he’s all about Eva.

The girls detected sizzling chemistry between them, leap on that opportunity and tell Eva to get him to invite the group to his party this weekend right then and there. (Viri’s delivery is really funny here, lmao.)

Viri is like ALEJANDRO WILL BE THERE and Nora is like, who’s that? Because she has the audacity to not know The Cutest Boy in School. They show her pictures of Alejandro. Is Alejandro like a legit model or something? One of those pictures is a straight-up Blue Steel from a photoshoot.

Girl Cris is the one to like all of his IG pics for Eva, not Amira. And she’s the one who seems more actively egging on Eva to flirt. Amira wants to go to the party but she’s not the instigator.

Viri gives Amira a high-five so I mean, progress? A smidge?

Clip 4 - Stalker!

Jorge and Lucas are talking about buying DJ equipment. Jorge mentions that he doesn’t have the money for good equipment, but he doesn’t want to buy secondhand or cheap equipment in case it breaks. It’s mentioned that he might need a job to pay for the equipment. So perhaps this is motivation for whatever shady shit Jorge will be doing? Or it’s connected to it in a way. He needs money.

Anyway, Eva isn’t super involved in this conversation, so she’s pretty pleased when boy Cris texts her and calls her a stalker. When she is asked for her input, she goes with “Lucas is right,” whether she was actually paying attention or just that she knows that “Lucas is right” is usually true and will therefore make it seem like she’s paying attention.

The way Lucas looks at Jorge is always so warm and fond.

Cris invites Eva to the party and she’s like “What party?” as if this is Brand New Information. Cris flirts with Eva, saying he’ll throw party for her. She is clearly pleased by this attention, as opposed to her boyfriend being wrapped up in a conversation with his friend.

Lucas and Jorge are seriously going on about this. What if they end up DJing at one of these Penetrator parties? Lucas says he wants to learn how to DJ and Jorge says he’ll teach him, which I’m sure will be a thrilling experience for Lucas. Cue Lucas playing 20 pining love songs in a row.

Eva is on the fence about going to Cris’ party when Jorge is just like “Lucas, you want to do something this weekend?” Eva is startled by this. The camera zooms in on her face, similar to that scene in the last episode, so I think it’s definitely an artistic choice. I thought it was decently executed here so as to communicate her surprise.

Lucas is like, sure, we could get a beer. Don’t pretend his heart didn’t flutter when Jorge asked.

He also says they can’t drink at his house, because of bad vibes, “the usual,” which is certainly his mom’s condition and maybe his parents fighting. Jorge knows about this situation well enough to know that it’s typical at Lucas’ home.

Jorge also asks Eva if she wants to do something, too. And she’s honest with him, mostly! There’s a party at Cris’, she and the girls were invited (well, that’s a fib, she was the only ones specifically invited, but technically Cris did say she could bring whoever like five seconds ago …) She just leaves out that, you know, she flirted with Cris to get her and her squad into this party. I mean, this does drive home how shady Eva herself was being. Jorge and all the Jonases are keeping secrets, but here’s Eva having some of her own, even when she’s being fairly honest. 

Jorge and Lucas think Cris and his pals suck. Lucas says those guys don’t think about anything but hooking up with girls and Jorge is all, “That’s like all of us,” and Lucas is like AHAHAHA what a totally relatable comment! His laugh is so awkward, lol. Like AHAHAHAA kill me.

But the boys realize that a party is a party and agree to go. I mean, time to check out Cris’ big-ass house.

The way this is shot makes Jorge and Lucas all bunched together and facing together, while Eva is separated from them by a backpack with more space between them.

However, they still seem really close! In the original, in this scene Eva was listening to the boys make fun of her and her friends and the russ concept, while she was texting Chris. This is so much more benign! Sure, the boys are wrapped up in their own conversation, but they do ask for her input, and they invite her to their plans, and this whole conversation is so much more light-hearted. Jorge even seems to be a little satisfied when Eva mentions the other girls were invited, like maybe he’s proud of her for having friends. It’s quite sweet to see, but it also downplays Eva’s irritation with her boyfriend and how the boys could make her feel like shit. So they’re going to have to really sell me on the inevitable fractures in the group.

Clip 5 - Party time at Cris’ big-ass house

Eva is waiting at the metro and texting Jorge. He says they’ll show up to the party at 21:00 because being the first to arrive is lame. He also has low battery - convenient!

The other girls show up, then Viri. Viri is really dressed up like a Barbie, the girls are happy, it’s cute! Then Viri has to make it awkward by mentioning Amira’s “Bible” prevents her from drinking. Amira corrects her patiently.

Nora makes it a little less awkward by saying she also doesn’t drink, though Eva and Cris laugh their asses off at her explanation because it’s such a mom thing to say.

Also Viri brought some alcohol from home, which doesn’t really mean anything in itself since it’s so common, except in connection with Vilde’s home life with her mom, it makes you wonder if it’s deliberate. Like Viri wants to get some of the booze out of the house, or there’s so much of it her mom won’t miss it. 

The girls are very cute and excited as they walk to the party. It’s a fun sequence! The power walk/party entrance has a lot of stylized editing that’s different from what we usually see in a Skam remake, like zooms on each of the girls as they step through the door, but I adored that series of choppy zooms on Cris as he’s checking out Eva. It’s so ridiculous, but so fitting for Skam’s resident unabashed fuckboy.

It is kind of funny to me that they made sure to mention Cris’ big house, but the party seems to be confined to a rave in the basement.

Viri is beside herself when she sees Alejandro, like she’s reminded of his hotness all over again. This girl legit malfunctions around him.

Viri sees Lara, mysterious Lara who just transferred from Red Herring Academy! Eva seems way too happy when Viri runs over to her, like isn’t she worried about what happened with Lara, that Inés told her Eva’s sordid past?

So Eva doesn’t forget the dinner with Jorge and her mom, as in the original, but Jorge is supposed to come to the party and he’s running late and probably going to bail completely. Basically, Eva’s not the one at fault here.

Clip 6 - More of the party

Yeah, I really don’t see the point in breaking up the clips like this. Plenty of scenes and events in the original were spread over a longer period of time, but within one clip.

Is Alejandro checking out Nora already or is Cris looking at Eva in that one shot? Or both?

Lol, I love Nora getting a call from her cousin in Madison. There’s like a seven-hour time difference. Please please keep dropping Wisconsin references.

As soon as Nora’s gone, boy Cris makes a move. He plops down and makes it clear he was waiting for a chance to talk to Eva alone. He does this smooth move where he “can’t hear her” so he puts his arm around her to get closer. She tells him she has a boyfriend and he’s like, pfffft, truly not a setback!

Cris leaves, Eva checks her phone. Jorge said he’d be there but he is emphatically not. Jorge, we were rooting for you!

Inés shows up, just in time to see that Eva is all alone like a friendless loser, of course. She starts talking to Alejandro, who turns his attention away from Viri to Inés. Viri gets crestfallen and shuffles away.

Clip 7 - Viri fulfills her dream

Eva is still waiting for Jorge’s ass to show up. Sigh.

The music from the trailer plays as Viri is back to talking to Alejandro, although he seems more closed off (arms crossed). The other girls are watching and creating their own soap opera version of Viri and Alejandro’s conversation. Cris accurately nails Viri’s thirst; Amira perfectly embodies Alejandro’s indifference.

Her boyfriend nowhere to be found, Eva gets to dance with the girls, at least, and all is well until she gets too into her movies and knocks into Inés. Inés is ready for a fight, but the other girls defend Eva. Eva, however, backs down and says she needs to be more careful, and Inés agrees with her. Somehow I think they’re talking about being careful with something other than overly vigorous dancing, like, IDK, boyfriends.

Inés walks off and the other girls wonder what her deal is. Cris is ready to thrown down but Eva sharply wants them to drop it.

Eva wants to leave even though Inés is also headed out. Mood, killed, certainly not helping that her purse appears to have been drenched in whiskey. However, girl Cris herds the girls away for some good news, which is that Viri is making out with Alejandro in a closet/cupboard/pantry thing. The girls cheer and applaud, Cris yells at them to get a room, but Alejandro and Viri don’t really notice, lol. Now that’s some dedication to making out.

So we didn’t get Amira defending Viri against Inés in this version! Instead, we have the girls defending Eva against Inés, of course not knowing the full story of their friendship breakup. In particular, Cris was ready to bust a skull. But that was a big moment in the Sana-Vilde relationship, so you have to wonder if we’ll get a similar moment later where Viri realizes that Amira is fully ride or die. 

I wonder if Inés left because that girl told her Alejandro was taken, since it seemed like perhaps Inés wanted to get with him? Or if it had something to do with Jorge?

General Comments/Social Media:

This episode was way more in line with the original episode 4, which is where we are after condensing three episodes into the first. We had the party with the power walk, Eva and Cris’ flirtation, etc. though there were still variations in tone and some other plot points that were different.

On social media, Lara leaves the trip group chat without comment, so I think it’s safe to say Inés got to her. The two of them are shown in pics together. Viri was partying with Lara on IG on Saturday, so whatever happened can’t be THAT bad. I guess Lara doesn’t like Eva but Viri’s fine in her eyes.

Apparently the text messages between Eva and Cris have some loaded vibes where Cris uses language associated with sexual harassment and assault. Not against Eva, but like “I’ll let you sexually harass me.” Like he comes across as a dude who’s just ignorant about the topic and privileged. Cris was fucking JAZZED about Eva coming to the party, too, like he had no chill. I mean, Eva is a beautiful girl with excellent bangs, so I understand.

Cris posted this video on IG of soap being sliced and like, sometimes I don’t get the weird shit people post but I felt instantly at peace watching that soap being diced.

There’s a text about Eva binging a TV show and betraying Jorge by watching it all, and it has 11 episodes, so that could very well be a reference to OG Skam S1. LEARN FROM EVA’S MISTAKES, EVA.

There were quite a few pictures and IG stories from the party, which was good of the social media team to recreate the feel of a real party.

I’m not Spanish so feel free to correct me on anything!

If you got this far, thank you for reading!

[aquawolfgirl]

If you want to for the Dark fic prompt, "Ghosts, hauntings (whether by external source or a dead character.)" Loved your necromancy AU!

Thank you, anon! I’d forgotten about that one!

Here’s the necromancy AU, for whoever wants to read that one, too. It’s fluffier than you would expect from a ‘necromancy AU’.

For this one, I think I’m going to flip it, and go with Rey! (And yes, I used the ‘loving back to life’ again, because how could I not?) Post writing: This got a shit ton longer than I thought it would I’m so sorry

Send me a dark prompt!

It starts with Cocoa Puffs. 

He swears he bought Cocoa Puffs. He remembers putting them into the bag at the self checkout, he remembers scanning them, he remembers seeing them in the bag as he loaded his car up, he remembers seeing them on the kitchen counter as he unloaded the rest of the groceries. 

But for some reason, Ben Solo cannot find his Cocoa Puffs. 

He’ll admit it, he was lazy. He put the box in the cabinet as-is instead of transferring the cereal to the jars he usually does, so that he can recycle the box and make the cereal keep a little longer. But when he opened the cabinet, bleary-eyed and still wearing his glasses and pajamas, there was no sign of Cocoa Puffs. Just Cheerios, and the sad remains of Frosted Flakes.

If he’d left them at the store, then it wouldn’t be that big of a deal, they weren’t that expensive. But he knows he didn’t leave them at the store, he knows he put them in the cabinet, and so to say he’s confused is a vast understatement. 

And then one of his t-shirts disappears.

His apartment has its own washer and dryer. It’s not like he washed it in a communal laundry room and then forgot it. No, there’s no reason why it should have gone missing. He’s a clean person, too, everything has it’s place. It’s not like he could have left it in a pile somewhere. It would be in the hamper, in the washing machine, in the dryer, in his closet, or on his body. Those are the only places it could possibly be. 

And for some fucked up reason, it is in none of those places.

Ben briefly considers a burglar, but that doesn’t make any sense, either. His expensive watch is in the little leather dish he puts it in. His laptop is charging on his desk. His phone and his wallet and his keys are right where he left them in the organizer by the front door. Why would someone break in and take only a t-shirt and his Cocoa Puffs?

-

“Is this building haunted?”

Breakfast with Maz is a monthly treat. Sure, he has to hand her his rent, but she always invites him in for the best French toast he’s ever had. Honestly, they’re kind of worth the absurd amount of money he gives her. 

“What makes you think that?” The old woman replies. She has to stand on a wooden box to reach the stove. Ben thinks it’s a fire hazard, but the orange paint of the stool has worn away where her feet are, and so if it’s been around that long, it’s probably okay. 

“Some of my things are going missing.” The thief takes his Cocoa Puffs, but refuses to touch his Cheerios. “Weird, specific things.”

“Hmm. Maybe you just misplaced them?” she asks, looking over at him. There’s a tone to her voice he doesn’t recognize, a twinkle in her eye he’s never seen before, but he lets it go when she slips some bacon in front of him.

-

He meets her in the middle of the night. 

He wakes to the sound of his TV. It’s low, it’s soft, probably on one of the lowest volume settings, but he can still hear it. And when he opens the door to his bedroom, he can see the light, too. If he hadn’t had previous experiences with something weird, then he would pass it off as a power surge or something. But instead he grabs one of his slippers, which is pitifully the closest thing to a weapon he has, and he sneaks his way out to the living room.

And then he sees her.

She’s curled up in the t-shirt he’s missing, a bowl of Cocoa Puffs in her lap as she sits crosslegged and watches the TV. He stares, watching as she takes a few puffs and pops them into her mouth without milk. She’s watching some cartoon. Spongebob, he thinks, recognizing the character’s voice. 

For someone who steals his stuff, she sure is gorgeous. Long, bare legs, brown hair pulled up into a bun, a pretty pert nose and freckles across her cheeks. Pretty, he thinks, just before he throws the shoe at her.

She’s in his house, after all, and she’s wearing and eating his stuff.

She gasps, the bowl of Cocoa Puffs spilling across his couch and floor, and he watches as the flocked slipper goes right through her. 

And then she disappears, the bowl falling right through the air where her legs once were and the t-shirt crumpling as though no one was ever in it.

“Wait!” 

He’s not sure why he’s asking her - whoever she is, whatever she is - to wait, but it’s his instinct as he stares at the Cocoa Puffs on the floor, the t-shirt that was missing for weeks, the bowl that was previously cradled between her bare legs. 

What the fuck?

-

“Who is she?”

“Who’s who?” Maz asks. Her tone suggests she already knows. Her tone also suggests she doesn’t very much appreciate being woken up at 3 in the morning. 

“The ghost girl in my apartment,” Ben snaps. He doesn’t mean to snap, not really, but what the actual fuck?

“Watch your tone,” Maz says warningly, pointing a wrinkled and slightly crooked finger at him before she gestures for him to come in. “Let me explain.”

Her name is Rey, his landlady explains, over a cup of chamomile tea. She was an old tenant, in the 80s. An abusive relationship, Maz explains. Ben can fill in the rest for himself. He’s not sure he wants to, but he can. 

“You must be special. She usually only shows herself to the female tenants who’ve had your apartment,” Maz explains. “They’re usually more understanding.”

“Either that, or she just really likes Cocoa Puffs,” Ben mutters, nursing his cup of tea before looking to the ceiling. 

Rey.

-

He buys more Cocoa Puffs. He also buys Reese’s Puffs, just for the hell of it, and smiles when he notices those are gone, and the Cocoa Puffs are left behind. So she prefers peanut butter and chocolate, but will take chocolate … good to know.

Why he’s buying cereal for someone who isn’t alive, he doesn’t know. And he doesn’t want to think about how she can eat, either.

He washes the t-shirt, holding it for a few moments before eventually lifting it to his nose. It smells different. Like lavender, and peppermint. Nothing like anything he uses. He wonders if it’s the smell of ghosts, or just her. 

He washes it, and folds it, and puts it on the end of his bed. By the time he gets home from work, it’s gone. 

The TV turns on again Tuesday, at exactly 2:36 am. He’s waiting, because it’s been exactly a week, and when he hears the low voices of some cartoon - Scooby Doo, maybe - he sneaks out to the living room. 

This time, she’s not eating cereal. She’s just curled up on the couch, her head resting against a pillow. When he comes around the corner, she sits up immediately, and he can see the couch through her for a flicker of a moment. 

“No, please,” Ben pleads. “Stay?”

She looks suspicious. Of course she looks suspicious. But she solidifies, ever so slightly, and says, “You’re Ben.”

Her accent is vaguely British, he notices. “Yes,” he replies. “And you’re Rey.”

“Maz told you.”

“She did.”

“So you know what happened.” Her voice is dark, and bitter. So angry, and sad, for a girl wearing a loose t-shirt and watching Scooby Doo. 

“I do,” he says. “I’m sorry.”

She stares at him for a long moment. Her eyes are dark, stare piercing before she says, in the softest voice he’s ever heard, “I have to go.”

And then she’s gone. 

-

She can’t stay here for long. It’s something he learns in the next few weeks, after short conversations with her. He buys her leggings, so she has something else to wear beneath the t-shirt. She sits next to him on the couch, the pattern of the throw pillow just barely visible through her as she explains that it takes a lot of energy to manifest, but she can do it for a short while. She takes advantage of it to indulge in cereal, and to watch something that makes her happy. For the most part, that’s cartoons, or comedies. He learns she likes Scooby Doo the best, because she enjoys mysteries, but she also likes Friends and the Golden Girls. 

He makes a mental note to buy them on Amazon for her. 

He learns what happened, truly, even though he didn’t ask. She lifts her shirt and shows him the stab wound, and explains that’s why she grabbed the shirt first, so she didn’t have to see it. 

She’s tied to the apartment because she has unfinished business. “I don’t know what it is, unless it’s my student loans,” Rey mutters darkly as she sits beside him, closer than she was a month ago. He chuckles. He can’t see the pillow through her, today. 

-

After two years, they learn that ‘unfinished business’ apparently meant falling in love. Finding her soulmate, finding her fate, some bullshit like that.

Every day, she gets stronger. Every night, she can stay a little longer. Every moment, she gets more and more solid, until she can spend an entire night with him, curled up against his side, and he’s able to have a few moments with her in the morning before she disappears, the sheets collapsing beside him. 

“It’s because you’re a stronger tie than the building,” Maz eventually explains to both of them. She has to come to Ben’s apartment. Rey can’t go downstairs. She can hold his hand, though, and he lifts her fingers to his lips, feeling the icy-cold fingertips against his mouth, and not giving a damn. 

He didn’t think that her coming back was possible. He still doesn’t know how it’s possible. But one day he comes home from work to her shouting his name. 

“Ben! Ben, come quickly!”

She sounds like she’s panicking, and he drops his keys and coat, rushing into the bathroom where Rey’s touching her face. As soon as he crosses the threshold, she grabs his hand and puts it against her cheek. He can feel the tears, can feel … can feel warmth.

“What-” he stares, wide-eyed, before she grabs his hand and presses it to her neck, her fingers guiding his to her pulse. 

Her pulse.

As much as he loved her kisses back then, he doesn’t think he’ll ever miss the chill if it means he can feel the warmth, now, and feel her smile of joy against his lips.

[purplesurveys]

270

What’s your favorite nail polish that you own? I don’t use nail polish. I move my hands around too much and anything I put on my nails would get chipped in an instant. What’s your favorite play by Shakespeare? I never enjoyed taking up Shakespeare in high school. I guess I was most engaged when we studied Macbeth, though. That or Hamlet. What’s your favorite recipe that takes less than 15 minutes to prepare? Homemade pizza. We were taught how to do it in preschool–hotdogs, mayo, ketchup, cheese on white bread then pop it in the oven toaster. I haven’t had it in like a decade just because I’ve never had time to make them, but it’s the best thing that takes less than ten minutes. It’s such a preschool recipe but since I had it so many times as a kid, it’s comfort food to me. What is the smallest thing that made you embarrassed or anxious? Ordering in restaurants, asking for help at a store, talking on the phone, asking questions, people looking at me. Anything can make me anxious really, so long as I’m thrust in the spotlight. You’ve just written the most annoying computer virus ever made. What does it do?  I used to have the world’s most annoying virus on my ancient laptop. It used to type down random Vietnamese texts on its own. Like I could be watching a YouTube video and it would make a group of Viet words show up on the search bar. If I had to wish something on my worst enemy it would be that.

Did you ever attend a wedding that was a complete disaster? Fortunately no. Filipino weddings aren’t as dramatic as the horror stories I’ve heard in other countries. What is something that you were surprised you were able to do?  Dunno. Keeping a magna cum laude standing to this day is one of them though. What movie surprised you with how good it was? Wonder Woman. I never go to see blockbusters, much less superhero films. That one was a pleasant surprise. Is there anything you’re stressed out about? Yes, but I’m on Tumblr right now to de-stress so don’t remind me. Satan decides to make a new Hell for the lesser sinners where everything is mildly inconvenient. What would you expect to find there?  Ads. Lots and lots of annoying, unskippable ads. Think the Fifteen Million Merits episode of Black Mirror. Which persistent myth/misconception annoys you the most?  Can’t seem to think of any now... What’s the last video you watched on YouTube? I think it was a snippet from The Return of Superman, the Korean show with dads taking care of their kids. Do you have any extensions on your web browser? No, I don’t download third-party programs onto my Mac now since I want to keep it as clean as possible. What is the most bullshit sounding true fact that you know? The fact that mammoths were still alive when people were building up the pyramids. That or people before the 1800′s had no idea what dinosaurs were. If you were to create your own candle scent, what would it be? I don’t know. Cookie dough? I’m sure that’s been made already. Have you ever bought food online? I always have my food delivered online because I could never call them up. Are there any foods that you avoid eating? Yes. Any kind of fruit. What Oreo flavor is your favorite?  Just the regular ones. What G-rated joke always cracks you up? They’re all in Filipino so nobody would understand anyway. If you won free food and drinks for a lifetime to a restaurant of your choice, which restaurant would you choose? Vikings. It’s this huuuuge buffet restaurant so I would always have a variety of choices. What comedic sound effect would completely ruin sex? All I could think of is Mario screaming “YAHOO!” so that. Do you think they should have made a sequel to Nightmare Before Christmas where they explored the other holidays?  I’ve never seen that movie so I don’t know if it would be a good idea or not to extend it. But I know I wouldn’t want, say, Love Actually to be turned into a Halloween or a New Year’s movie, that’s for sure. What is your favorite holiday?  Halloween even though it isn’t a holiday. Do you ever make playlists? Yeah, for certain moods. I have a playlist for when I drive my car with Gab in the middle of the night and a playlist for when I’m sad, to name a couple. Do you think you could create an entirely new font?  No. I’m so not creative. Sour gummy worms or plain gummy worms? Errr I guess sour. I’ve never had a gummy anything that tasted plain. What songs have you been listening to a lot lately? Dua Lipa’s Homecoming is SOOOOO good. It’s a breath of fresh air from New Rules, which is becoming overplayed to an extent that I don’t particularly enjoy. What was something that looked easy but turned out to be hard?  Being an adult.  Ever been in a talent show? How many times? What did you do? No, because I have no talent that I could at least show off to an audience. :/ Ever try out for the talent show and not make it? Did you cry? Well not a talent show, but I did try out for the school newspaper. I got through the first cut, but not in the final one. I did cry; it had been my dream to be in that paper since I was in fourth grade (they only accept high school students.) I never tried out for it again and instead became part of the editorial board for the yearbook when I was a senior. When that was happening, the paper was begging me to pick them and work for them...too bad. What’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever cried about? Nothing. That’s the stupidest thing I had ever cried about–I literally cried over nothing. Do you like peanut butter?: LOVE IT. Put it on/in my pancakes, my cookies, my cakes, my cupcakes, my chocolate bars, and on my kare-kare. Peanut butter is life. What about marshmallows?: I fucking hate marshmallows. How do you roast your marshmallows?  I don’t even eat them. Do you eat s’mores?:  Sometimes. That’s really the only time I get to enjoy marshmallows. What’s the best brand of chocolate?  Reese’s, Twix, and Maltesers. Do you own a disco ball, or know anyone who does? No. Gabie sure deserves one, though. She’s stuck in the 70′s. Own a lava lamp? I don’t but I did want one when I was like 14. Own any sort of glow-in-the-dark room accessory? No. I have glow in the dark sticks and bracelets that I got from concerts, but they’ve long faded by now haha. Ever faked an orgasm?: Never. If I couldn’t have one I’ll just let my girlfriend know and snuggle instead? Done something illegal to your car?:  No. The car wasn’t bought under my name, so if I did anything stupid it’ll be my dad who answers to that and I don’t want him to kill me. Own some type of work out machine? My mom owns one but I have no idea what it does. Ever pooped a weird color besides brown, green, or orange?: No. Are you quickly getting grossed out?  Not at all. Think a drum player for a band is hot?: I don’t find them hot, but I always found anyone who could play drums cool. Do you tend to like male or female bands better? I like bands with music I could listen to better. What scars on your body do you have? One near my eye and another on my pinky toe. Ever did something sexual in public? Sure. Do you like the taste of squid or eel?  Yep, we live on seafood down here. Ever date anybody in middle school?: I didn’t. No joke, as a grade schooler, I thought I wasn’t supposed to develop romantic feelings for anybody until I was at least 25. I just thought it was an adult thing. What was your first date like? I’ve never been on a getting-to-know-someone date...my ‘first date’ was literally the first date I had with Gab, since I went straight to asking her to be my girlfriend and never really courted her hahahaha. It was beautiful. We went to a museum and had a nice Italian dinner and had a sleepover in my house where we played video games (well she did) and had pizza delivered. It was the purest thing. What about your WORST date? Ugh. That Shakey’s date was THE WORST. It was our last date before we broke up and also my last resort to get through to her, after I realized that she was distancing herself. Everything was my treat and it was because her birthday was coming up...I felt like shit when I learned it wasn’t going to fix anything anymore. Share a really embarrassing moment?  Driving out of the gas station and nearly entering the highway when I didn’t even wait for my change :(( The gas attendant had to run after my car, since I was basically driving away from around ₱400. That’s a week’s worth of lunches, and it would have sucked if I was able enter the highway immediately. Did you like to get dirty when you were little? Nah. My mom hated it and wanted me to stay clean, so it got passed on to me. Do you find the show Family Guy absolutely hilarious?:  There are some scenes that are funny but ultimately, it’s not my humor. Most jokes just fly over my head since they’re too political or too pop culture-y for me to recognize them. Own anything that has to do with dragons or unicorns? I don’t think so. Believe in mermaids/mermen?:  Nope. What piercings do you have/want?: None anymore. What tattoos do you have/want?:  Also none anymore. Hate needles. Which is cooler - pink or purple?: Pink.

[discloseddesire]

You, were the definition of a winters morning, a summers day, a spring afternoon and an autumn evening all rolled into one. You were rain beating against a bedroom window and unsteady heartbeats wrapped in hoodies. You were the heat we felt when we argued and the fire from the bush that ended with me on top of you for more than one occasion. You were allergies in the best way from hay fever that plagued me for a week straight, runny nose and all. You were evenings before I had to be picked up by my dad and the warm hugs and the offers to stay for dinner ever so occasionally.

It's like all the seasons hit me at once the moment we stopped.

I felt the cold. The bitterness of the air in my bedroom because I left the window open while I slept with the covers still placed perfectly on my bed. I felt the rain on my cheeks and the wind was almost wishing me to whirl away, like thistle does when you make a wish and blow. like a birthday candle.

I felt the burn of the shame on my face as I told my mother and father what had happened. I felt the heat rise up in my palms and the searing hot pain in my throat that still has yet to leave, like third degree burns on my already singed heart. I felt the fire that was once in my belly reduced to nothing but coal.

I felt the allergies. They were red noses and red eyes and stepping on pretty flowers on purpose as I walked around the neighbourhood, crying behind my sunglasses and my reese's peanut butter cup that was way too sweet for my liking. I felt the spring sun on my skin and I badly wanted to turn into a flower and wilt away on the side of the path. like a pathetic dandelion that could only live for so long.

I felt the autumn today. It's technically Spring but today was a mix of Winter and Autumn rolled into one. Car rides are a peculiar thing when the wind blows the tiny car down the street like it's running away from all its problems, we were heading north after all. I wished for the leaves to crunch under my sneakers, but instead I got one stuck to my foot that wouldn't let go, and a leaf blew in from the partly open window on to my shoulder like a pity clap on the back.

Nobody knows what to say to me anymore. I wake up from a sleep that I didn't even endure to my mother opening my door (I sleep with it closed now.) and asking me how I'm doing, and whether I want a cup of tea or not. I kind of just look at her from the right side of my bed, my entire body pressed against the wall while the wind shook my window, rain hitting the roller shutter. She pots to get me a cup of tea and I leave it sitting there for several minutes, I don't even check my phone. Nobody's messaged me. Nobody would.

My brother had his first day of high school without me today and he told my mother that it made him feel like an only child. I wish I had've left a legacy with the school. It feels wrong to send him through the gates without joining him, humming the last song on the radio and him telling me to shut up and that I'm embarrassing enough.

My dad tells me the cold hard truth in between car trips that last ten minutes while I sob in the passenger seat holding a cup tray full of sprite, coke and fanta. My dad doesn't tell me that it's going to be okay anymore, he doesn't even give me a pat on the back. He tells me that I'm too good for everybody and that nobody is good enough for me except myself. I don't entirely believe him, he's stoned after all.

We took my nan to a podiatrist today and my mother took me in to look at the orthotic flip flops. I immediately picked the teal ones, and when I looked up the lady looked me into my eyes and just did a sympathy smile. Like I don't need any more sympathy when I'm walking around like an old woman at the age of 17 with greasy hair and a tshirt that I keep repeatedly wearing because I never wore it to your house. Maybe it's because my beanie says 'SLACKER' in old writing and that the beanie is bright red but I'm willing to take it into consideration that she did pity me. I pity myself.

My nan is a woman of few words. Mainly because she's short of hearing, can barely see and is rather forgetful but she is the strongest woman I know on the planet. Fuck Beyoncé and Malala Yousafai as role models, my nan is what is keeping me strong. She's been alive since the early 40's and she finally this year has learnt how to use touch screen on an Ipad. I sat in the back of her car today on a crocheted fremantle dockers blanket she had made as cushioning for her car. She likes football. I sat in the backseat and barely said a word as I read my book about angels and demons and what I described to be a love square. My nan pipes up and asked me if I'd kicked anybody in the face yet. My mother nearly lost control of the car. I told her no, and she seemed disappointed. Like I was a main character in Kill Bill and that it was my task to destroy everybody who had ever done me wrong in my entire life but that, would be a pathetically long list. When we returned to drop her home she asked me if I would ever sit on her piano stool again and try to play her a song on her completely out of tune piano. She knows that she has boxes upon boxes stacked around the piano and that a South African family with a young toddler live next door and would probably prefer not to hear a faulty old piano. I said that if she ever moves the piano out of her house, that I will play the best song that I can think of for her. She wants me to play Elvis.

My mother has finally agreed with me that I do in fact need urgent medical attention to my ankle. Posterior tibial tendinitis with all of the severe symptoms being ticked off the list means surgery. I've never had surgery before. I'm actually quite horrified of the entire idea of it. What if I wake up from the anaesthesia? What if i can feel them removing parts of my body and scraping away unwanted tissue? It terrifies me. So a trip to the doctors is necessary before I cannot walk anymore. It's already caused the muscle and definition in my calf to disintegrate. It doesn't look right in the mirror, it's too straight. Like my entire leg is collapsing into my ankle, and my ankle is quicksand or something.

I haven't got what I'm wearing for the valedictory ceremony downpacked just yet. I'm finally off school but yet I still feel ridiculously busy even though I'm doing absolutely nothing. Absolutely nothing consists of minimal showering and bed sheets that are starting to look a little gross from the amount of times I have accidentally spilt food on them. It's me complaining about the internet quality and how all I want to do is watch something or listen to something but I can't so I sit and play Subway Surfer and CandyCrush until the internet speed recovers and I no longer feel reduced to my bedsheets. I think there's a mould of me in my bed, shaped in the curve of my spine by now. I wish there was a mould the shape of you in my bed instead of my heart. Maybe i'd feel less empty.

Empty doesn't necessarily mean sad. I feel dulled. I feel like somebody's dimmed the lights on my personality and then jammed it on the lowest power setting until further notice. Maybe I should place a sticker on my shirt or forehead that says "I'm having a rough time and I'm not who I used to be, sorry". I'm only reading my pathetic romantic fantasy novels out of boredom, not out of curiosity for the actual storyline. Writing this is hard, writing used to feel like nothing. Remember when I used to write to you? Late at night? You'd open them in the morning and I'd feel like a parent who'd just given their child a piece of candy before breakfast. A little worried but still happy. There's just so much that I could be doing with my life but I'm not flinching at jumpscares that I would normally flinch at, not laughing at jokes that need to be laughed at, and not having  any consideration for anything anymore, not even myself or others.

That's one of my faults, after all. No consideration for others, absolutely none I say to myself as I scroll through all the times that I did have significant consideration and care for other people. I'm too sad, I think. Now. I'm like a fuckin' tap most of the time. I think I'm desensitised right now or something because I'm still not crying even though I wished to. I wish that crying would plant flowers in the gaps of where you left, but salt causes droughts for flowers, and waiting for a quick fix is like waiting in the middle of Africa for it to snow. It would be the equivalent of me asking you to come back again, pointless and just plain fucking sad. Good on you Maddy. You're crying.

[wiscocheesefries-blog]

Trading Feelings for Food

So, turns out I am entirely bad at keeping up with a blog... hopefully that will get better once I live in Fiji! Boom. That was my good news. See, when I don’t keep up with my blog I can drop fun facts like finally getting into the Peace Corps and it can feel like new news to me again. This is more than just good news for me though. This was the dream. I AM ABOUT TO BE LIVING MY DREAM. Sometimes I just sit alone and think “woah, I got my dream” and then I smile like a creep. I wonder what my dream will be after I come back from the Peace Corps... Fly to the moon? Build a city? Pet a cute dog? My options are quite limitless. You know what options are not quite limitless... Men.

Listen fellas, if you are reading this, I hear ya... #notallmen but like seriously let me generalize, cuz as a fucking whole you seem to really be messing with my feel good vibes. I could list a whole lot of reasons why I am fed up, but I’ll stick to the one that really gets me right in the gut/uterus area. I am out with friends having a grand ole time, were dancing, were hanging, I am feeling hot, life is good. Then all of the sudden this motherfucking scum of the earth enters our circle. First of all, he has this grin on his face like he owns the goddamn world. *Warning much more cursing to come because I am pissed the fuck off* He literally just stares at me for a hot minute and for a second I am like “is this guy into me? Should I say something? WHAT IS HAPPENING?” Wrong, I was so, so wrong. “Boy or girl?” he says. You are reading that right. Now, the kind, social worker I am I immediately think he is asking for my gender pronouns like he is some kind of woke individual. I finally realize why he is asking and I honestly could not believe it. For those of you still confused this man not only assumed I was pregnant, but he also thought I was far enough along to know the sex of my unborn fetus. The nerve of this man. Listen, I get it... I am not thin. I got curves for days and I like fucking chocolate. My boobs are banging and I glow sometimes like a pregnant lady... All fair observations, but fellas, or women who know fellas, I am asking you to spread the word to all shitheads across this beautiful land to SHUT THE FUCK UP. Just shut up. We don’t need to hear you, like ever. Like if you ever think to yourself “Hmm this is a really good thought, I should say it out loud,” SUPPRESS. THAT. SHIT. Women do it all the time when we actually have good, important thoughts to say. Literally, just leave room for more women to speak and then you speak less and then we have a much better society. This is an actual promise. 

So, naturally following this event I fell into a bit of a depression. The usual.. “No one will ever love me. I am too fat. I hate myself. Why do I have to be me. WHY FEMALE YEEZUS WHYYYY!?!?!” I’ll be honest, I’m pretty dramatic. I will own that stereotype and never let it go. I slept and cried for two days and ate like a whole bag of reese’s peanut butter eggs because that will obviously keep people from thinking I am pregnant lololol. So, I woke up this morning with an emotional hangover. I don’t know if y’all have ever had an emotional hangover, it’s like a regular hangover without having fun the night before. Headache, puffy eyes, and no desire to smell good. You may even puke if your emotional hangover involves that much chocolate, plus some chips, and perhaps only things that can be delivered to your door. 

This all let me to then think about my nutritionist. My sweet, brilliant, fucking nutritionist. I could hear what she would say if she knew what I was doing. “Sarah, we should really look at what triggers these eating patterns.” Listen lady, I just want to soothe my soul with bad food and not gain weight, please. Thanks. Something interesting happened with her the other day though. For my medical clearance for the Peace Corps I basically have to spend my life in appointments and prove I am eligible to serve. Naturally, I had to have my mental health assessed. My nutritionist and therapist work together on me because much of my struggles revolves around food.. obviously. So, I have them fill out my paper work and when I am looking it over, there it is, in their beautiful, doctory, cursive “BINGE EATING DISORDER.” That’s right, I was officially diagnosed with it. I always felt like I had it, but like to see it there written out as a diagnoses kind of hit me right in the feels. 

My eating patterns and my feelings are like one, namaste. When I am feeling good, it is not too hard to tell. I eat apples and cook meals and go to yoga and complete all my homework and don’t finish a whole season of one show in one day. However, when I am down the signs are subtle, but important. My tomatoes go bad; my toothbrush is dry for a day or two stretch; my laundry is two weeks old; I haven’t been in the kitchen cooking in several days; I seem to always be doing homework (aka sleeping); the garbage is always out (so no one can see my wrappers); I sleep till 6:30am instead of 6:00am. I could go on for a long time. 

I guess what all this means to me is, well, I don’t really know yet. I think that is okay too. I don’t need to to know right now, I just know that something was triggered in me from a man that was a blimp on my radar. I am going off to live my dream. I am about to graduate with a fucking Masters Degree. Why do I care what this man thinks? Why do I turn to food for comfort? Why are bulldogs so cute? I think I can solve some of these, I just have to keep on trying to take care of myself. I may fall again (because lets be honest a man will say something stupid to me again), but that’s okay. See, every time I fall I find something new that I didn’t know about myself. For instance, I didn’t know I could swear that much in one blog post. I can’t wait to fall some more. 

Kehsses. 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #218

“give me liberty or death. ... ah, fuck it, just give me death.”

Do you know anyone who had to have tubes put in their ears as a baby? Me. What is the nearest glass object to you? A cup. Were either of your parents baptized? I'm sure my mom was, but I have no clue about Dad. The last concert that you were at, was there a mosh pit? No. What was the last computer game that you played? World of Warcraft. If you had to choose a new cell phone, what phone would you pick? Some sort of iPhone. I hate my Samsung. Has anyone killed one of your pets before? People have run over our cats before, but I'm certain that wasn't intentional. Does your bathroom have a theme to it? No. Are any rooms in your house themed? No. Is there a song that as soon as you hear it you are happier? At least to a degree. Do you have a push lawnmower or a riding lawnmower? We don't have one; Mom pays someone to do it. He uses a riding one, though. When was the last time someone teased you? Idr. Would you trust a vehicle that automatically parallel parks for you? Lmao could probably do it better than I could. Have you ever hit a car while parking? No, but I rarely drive anyway and never park close to others. When you are eating fast food, do you tend to get burgers or chicken? Burgers. When was the last time you used Microsoft Excel? No clue. What was the last thing that you recorded? I was WAY too excited the rare felhound mount dropped for me in WoW so I had to show Sara while I screamed lmao. Have you ever edited an article on Wikipedia? No. Do you like the show Futurama? I've never been into what I've seen. Have you ever found an arrow head? I don't remember ever having had. Have you given up any bad habits for someone? Don't think so. Who is with you? My cat's in the room, as is of course Venus. In what part of your life so far, have you learnt the most about yourself? 2017-2018, probably. Have you ever been in a fist fight? No. What aggravates you most about people in general? I guess if you want to put all humans together, I guess you never know what's gonna hurt who. When they have a valid reason to be hurt by it, anyway. Are your ears pierced? Twice in each lobe and then my right tragus. What did you last say out loud? Something to Teddy about wanting so much attention. Not at all in a bad way. Do you like anything about being angry? Fuck no. Did you have a summer job this year? No. Where do you wish you were? I've been dying to be at Sara's BAD LATELY MY MAN. Do you get surprises often? No, nor do I like them. I get too nervous. Name a crime you have committed? Illegally downloading things. Do you tell people when they get on your nerves? No, not normally. You're in jail… Who bails you out? Dad, most likely, taking money into account. I don't even know if he could afford bailing someone out, though. Are your feelings hurt easily? YEAH. What’s the ultimate cake topping? Just frosting. Have you ever ridden a motorcycle? No. Do you ever forward or reply to chain mails? Never. Have you ever tried to make your own alcohol? Nope. If you were to join one of the armed forces, which would it be? Lol no. Have you ever been to see stand up comedy? No. Have you ever needed stitches? At least twice. Have you ever been in a submarine? No. What would you do if someone proposed to you tomorrow? I'd say no, even if it was Sara. We're not ready for that yet. Which fictional character do you wish was real? Sobs all my favorites of everything are villains and therefore shouldn't be brought to life. Uhhhh. Idk. Maybe Harry Mason from SH 'cuz the entire human population deserves a dad like that. Do you own a lava lamp? I wish. Have you ever been in a hot tub or sauna? Yes to hot tub, but you couldn't pay me to set foot in a sauna. Have you ever had chicken pox? No. Do you believe there used to be dragons? No. We would've found fossil evidence by now, I think. Who’s your favorite god from ancient history? Man, idk. I love mythology. But memory is pretty faint though so I don't remember what most did/what they stand for. What was the last present you received? Uhhhh I'm not sure. Could you go out with someone who had a child from a previous relationship? No. I am not being a mother figure for anyone. What was your first alcoholic drink? Hard lemonade. What was your first detention for? I've only ever had detention for excessive tardies. Did you ever have a treehouse as a kid? No. Have you ever appeared on YouTube? EW LET'S FORGET THAT. Have you ever been on radio? No. Do you like your own name? I do. Could you ever have an affair with a married person? Fuck no. Could you ever split up a couple for one reason or another? I mean I'd urge one to leave the other if they were abusive or not really in love or something like that. I wouldn't out of my own interests. Which celebrity do you find the most annoying? The Paul brothers are fucking obnoxious trash. Is there anyone you work with that you don’t get along with? Why? N/A Have you ever been romantically interested in a coworker? No. Have you ever been romantically involved with a coworker? No. What is the game you’re currently playing most often on your phone? None. Do you have an opinion on adopting/purchasing a pet? Adopt. I understand the temptation of wanting a certain breed of pet, but you've gotta think beyond your desires here. There are so, so, SO many homeless cats and dogs especially that need homes. When was the last time you climbed a tree? Never, I believe. Why were you last pulled over? I never have been, thank GOD. Do you have any friends that own a private lake? I can just about guarantee no. Are you cool with swimming in a lake? It would depend on the lake. Do you have a drone? No. Do you have any t-shirts from any local businesses? No. Do you listen to any talk shows or podcasts? Only Mark's and his friends'. Do you know anyone who’s had their own podcast? I don't think so. Where were you the last time you stayed in a hotel? The beach. Do you know anyone who is freaked out by cats? No. What kind of music do your parents listen to? Mom loves (classic) metal and rock like me, but she also enjoys Christian music. Dad likes rock and classic metal/rock. What do you do when you can’t escape thoughts of your ex? I mean, I'm a bad person to ask, because my PTSD is tied to my ex. My case is far more extreme. All you really can do is try to do things to distract yourself. What do you think about indoor pets? Love 'em. How it should be most of the time for most animals. Would you agree that love is blind? Very. Did your first real significant other change you at all? Yes. Are you waiting to have sex until you’re married? I don't think so, if I was to ever be in that situation with a man again. How many schools have you been to? Five, but I'm about to start my sixth. Do any songs give you goosebumps? I get goosebumps very, VERY easily when it comes to music. I don't even have to really like the song. What do you think about divorce? Sadly necessary in extreme cases. What’s your favorite way to eat peanut butter? In a Reese's lol. Do you still watch any cartoons meant for kids? I don't watch TV now, but if I was still into watching shows, I'd totally still follow Pokemon. What’s your favorite kind of cereal? Man, idk. Maybe Cinnamon Toast Crunch. What were you doing the last time you were on a roof? Just sitting up there. Do you have any stickers on your car? Mom has I think one? Have you ever given someone flowers? I'll always remember this one Mother's Day where I went down our old path with my sister and friend and we picked up SO many flowers to put in a glass cup as a bouquet for Mom. So yeah. Do you have any stickers on your laptop? No. Do you listen to Nirvana? I don't usually search them out, but they're on my iPod, and I won't generally skip 'em if a Nirvana song comes along. What is one thing stopping you from becoming a veterinarian? I hate seeing animals in pain and/or dying. Are you easily scared by horror movies? Not at all. How old were you when you were first pulled over by the police? I've never been pulled over. When was the last time you drank out of a champagne glass? I've no idea. Do you enjoy plane journeys, if you’ve ever been on one? If we're just talking the ride and not the process leading up to it, and so long I've the window seat, yeah, they're fine. What’s the last movie you’ve seen in theaters and can honestly say you enjoyed? I adored the live action TLK, truly and thoroughly. I didn't at all get the hate. Like I know a common criticism is they took the realism too far (they were lacking in expression), but I liked that, honestly. It made it feel all the more real. I mean honestly, I possibly liked it more than the animated (save for the "Be Prepared" singing), and that movie is sacred to me. Have you ever seen your father cry? I've only seen him tear up like once in my life. How would your parents react if you got pregnant? They'd be confused as fuck because I'm the polar opposite of promiscuous, monogamous, advise that to only happen after marriage, and am with a girl. If you’re in a relationship, how is it going? If you’re single, are you looking for someone? It's going great. We're just ready to no longer be long-distance. How big is your bed? Queen-sized. Do you believe the Holocaust happened? No??????????? fucking????????????????? shit??????????????????????????????? Ever spent any time on a military base? No. Have you ever tried putting black pepper on mac ‘n’ cheese? (It’s good!) Yes, delicious. Has a wild animal ever been loose in your house? Not our current house. We lived in the woods beforehand, and we did have mild mice problems in the winter. Have you ever felt a temperature below 0? No. Have you ever seen a volcano? Not in person. Are you a fan of Janis Joplin? I've actually never really listened to her. Have you ever mowed the lawn (even a little bit)? No. What’s the closest river to you? The Tar River. Don't mind sharing considering it's ginormous. Who were the last 3 males you talked to? My nephew, his dad, then my own dad. What was the last form of communication you used to speak to your best friend? (e.g. text message, phone call) Text. What was the last alcoholic drink you tried for the first time? Uhhhh I think some kind of white wine? Did you like it? Not in the slightest. What’s your favorite feature of the person you’re currently interested in? She has the cutest random little freckle on her hip. Do you remember the first CD you ever bought? I believe the first I personally wanted and got was the Swan Songs album by Hollywood Undead. Where is your favorite place to get fries? You have NOT lived until you've eaten Bojangle's fries. They have a special seasoning that is absolutely spectacular. The Bojangle's experience is so important that it's the first place we went when Sara first came here lmao. Do you know anyone who was raised by their grandparents? Don't believe so. Have you ever made your own pie from scratch? No. What is your favorite gaming console? PS2, always. What was the last major city you visited? Chicago. I mean, or Raleigh, if you count it as a "major" one. How many romantic relationships have you been in so far? I only really consider Jason and Sara as "romantic" relationships. Have you ever used a leaf blower? No. What would you say is the worst part of high school, period? The shift from child to young adult. Hormones make the experience so, so much more difficult than it needs to be. What is your favorite color of apple? Red, green or yellow? Red. They're usually the most crisp. If you were dying who would you say goodbye to first out of everyone? It'd either be Mom or Sara, definitely. I can't really say without being in that moment, idk. Are you someone who actually likes to babysit children? Fuck no. I've only ever done it once and never will again, even though the one occasion went fine. Who was the last person to call you fat, if anyone at all? Myself lmao. What color skin does the last person you danced with have? White. Has your mother ever called your school because of your grades? No. What is the worst name a friend has ever called you? Do you remember? I can promise you one has most certainly called me a bitch or worse. Have you ever wanted to be in a band? What position exactly? At the start of high school, I remember I'd sometimes daydream about being a guitarist, but it was never something I like, actively craved. Who is your role model or hero in life if you have one? *blinks* Do you ever call your cousins just to talk to them randomly? No. When did you last spend the night at someone’s house? December of last year. Do you ever have to wash your clothes at someone else’s house? If I'm at Sara's. Do you prefer it when it gets darker earlier? NO. I'm much unlike I used to be in that I prefer brightness. It actually does affect my mood; I recommend to aaaaanybody who suffers from depression to stay in a bright room. I used to live in the dark as well, and I promise, it makes a difference. Have you ever learned any self-defense? If not, would you be interested in learning? No, and yes, especially with how incredibly paranoid I am. Do you like Gushers? Yaaaaas hunty. Can you touch your nose with your tongue? No. When was the last time you felt like you didn’t have anything to worry about? LOL HUH??????? NO WORRIES??????? How old was the last child that you spoke to? Three. What is the name of the last perfume you put on? "Crazy Lady." That perfume is years upon YEARS old. It was a birthday present from Summer, and seeing as I barely ever wear perfume, it's still in my room. Expired, I'm sure, lol. Are you waiting for something to arrive in the mail? No. Have your parents ever forgotten your birthday? No. Do you like your orange juice with lots or no pulp? NONONONONONONO. I absolutely will not drink orange juice with pulp. Did the Spanish classes have an “El Dia de Los Muertos” (Day of the Dead) fiesta at school? I think so? How long have you had the hairbrush you are currently using? I use a comb now that we've had actually forever. What projects are you doing now for school? I'm not in school, not quite yet anyway. :') Do you know what durian is? Do you like it? No. I would never try it. What’s the most number of comments you have on a Facebook picture? What is the picture of? I don't know, and I don't plan on looking. Most likely some selfie. Do you like coconut flavored things? NO. Coconut is disgusting. Have you ever met a famous author before? No. Do you know anybody who has been raped before? I don't think so, and I truly hope not... How often do you get a fever? Like, never. What kind of laundry basket do you use? It's just a plain, white, plastic one. As a child, did you ever have a clown or a magician at your birthday parties? I actually believe I had both. I know I had a pair of clowns once, and with how into magic I was, I would expect I've had had one. Do you have a permit or license? I have my permit. It's more than due time I work more towards my license... List all the stores you’ve been in this past month. I think the only one is PetSmart. Have you ever thrown food at a stranger in a movie theater? No, because I was never that childish. Does/did either of your parents serve in the military? No. Do you like sour candy? My favorite! Where would you like to go on your honeymoon? Most likely Pink Sands Beach in the Bahamas, but honestly I'm terrified of the Bermuda Triangle, so that's unlikely, lmao. That black sand beach in Hawaii, however, will do. Are all nighters something you have grown used to? BIIIIIIITCH I've outgrown that shit. I'm rarely up past 10 at the latest these days. Is there anybody you’re not ashamed to tell anything to? Anything, no. Smoothies or slushies? Slushies. Ignoring nutrition, could you live off veggies for the rest of your life? Nooooooo. Elaborate on a way you have volunteered? I once volunteered at PetSmart during an adoption event, giving the cats and dogs attention while people visited. I absolutely fell in LOVE with a dog there that I begged Mom to get, and she came pretty close. I cried leaving, ha ha... Does anybody know about your sex life other than your partners? No. If you could see any musician live, front row, who would you choose? Um, Ozzy????? Duh??????? My Dad???????? Is great?????????????? If you had to choose between a million dollars or to be able to change a regret? And here you have it, the stupidest question I've seen on a survey. Have you ever been around someone who was high? Yeah. Could you handle living with a male roommate? No, with how afraid I am of men. It'd only work if it was with a long-time bf. Have you spoken to your mother today? Father? For once, both. Do you live by yourself? No. Do you shower every day? No, it's unhealthy and I don't find every day necessary. Especially when you live my hermit life. Is English your native language? Yes. Who is your favorite character from Harry Potter? N/A Do you watch PewDiePie? Very, very rarely. I'm not that into his content anymore, and his humor changed from more original to heavily meme-ish. Are you married? No. Did you ever color your hair pink? No, but totally not apposed. Do you have any subscribers on YouTube? Yeah, some. Do you salt your popcorn? Sadly. Do you like McDonalds? Don't even try to bullshit, you don't mind McD's. Do you have a Steam account? Yeah. Have you ever played Five Nights at Freddy’s? No. It's a cool series though, and I enjoy watching LPs of it. Do you like horror movies? YESSSSSS my favorite. Is your favorite animal a dog? No. Do you like chicken nuggets? mmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMM What color is the ceiling in the room? White. Do you like religion? It's interesting, but has done a shitload of evil. However, it has also made wonderful people. It depends on how you use it. Have you ever tried Akinator? Yeah. Can you twerk? Idk and idc. Do you like dabbing? It looks remarkably stupid/like you're sneezing into your elbow. Do you like fishing? I do, but I've stopped doing it. I feel too bad for the fish. Do you like sleeping? Oh fuck yeah. What do you think of Fifty Shades of Grey? Fucking disgusting, whether in book or movie format. Do you swear in front of children? No. Which Pirates of the Caribbean do you like the most? Never watched 'em. What do you think of Rob Zombie? I enjoy a lot of his music. How far out of your age bracket would you date? Once you hit 10 years, it's a no for me. Have you ever had an STD? No. Is the area you live in more liberal or conservative? I live in the South. Take a wild guess. Have you picked out flower petals, saying, ‘He loves me, he loves me not?' No. Do you like to pace? It's not that I "like" to, it's just a habit. What’s the greatest thing about science? Learning about the world around us. Discovering how life works. Does it annoy you when people dumb themselves down to be cool? It's not "annoying," it's just stupid. Intelligence is cool. What’s a song you like from the genre you hate? "When The Stars Go Blue" by Tim McGraw is a heavy exception. I adore that song. Are your parents divorced? Yeah, they separated when I was like, 16-17. Who was your first friend? Brianna. Have you ever been to Germany? Hell, I wish. What do you hear right now? I'm currently obsessed with "Brand New Numb" by Motionless In White. Have you ever been ice skating? No. Have you ever been to the Statue of Liberty? No. Would you consider yourself a shy person? I am one of the shyest people you will ever meet in your life. Do you like techno? Yeah, actually. I've really gotten into electronic music. How many windows are in the room you’re in? Two. Can you whistle? No. My lip ring is probably what makes me unable to anymore. How many X-rays have you had in the last 2 years? Three. One of my knees, then over the course of two years, I believe two for my teeth at the dentist. Are you on good terms with your last ex? Yeah. Do you own an Xbox? No. Favorite Snapchat filter? I've never used Snapchat before. How many pillows do you sleep with? Two. What’s the worst thing you have ever done? Depends on how you mean "worst." Most damaging to me, let myself turn Jason into a god in my head and nearly kill myself for it. As far as most immoral, probably be partially responsible for why my former best friend and her bf broke up because he wound up liking me because I was a dumb 12 y/o. What's your favorite candle scent? Probably coffee or cinnamon rolls. Do you take any medications daily? Yeah. What is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) An annoying combo. What type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) A small one. Are you going to change your last name when you get married? Yes, I hate my last name. Last person you called? Mom. Chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? I don't like sprinkles at all. The texture ruins treats. Who was the last person you cried in front of? Mom, I'm sure. Do you think vlogging in public is scary? I wouldn't say "scary," just incredibly awkward. You'd never see me do it. Would you want to be in a collab channel on YouTube? I don't even want to risk popularity, so no. Do you watch any collab channels? Which ones? Game Grumps and Sam & Colby, mainly. What colors have you dyed your hair, if any? Black, purple, and red. What is your gender and sexual orientation? Female and bisexual. Have you been to an escape room? Was it a success? No, but they seem REALLY fun. Ever performed on stage? Was it scary or amazing or both? Yeah, many times for dance. It was really neither for me. Have you ever recorded a cover of a song? No. Have you tried the Beyond or Impossible burger? Thoughts? No, but I want to, especially as I plan on returning to vegetarianism at one point. When was the last time you ate your all-time favorite candy? Oh wow, months. When was the last time you made friends with old enemies? Some time last year, Rachel and I reconnected. She's cool as hell now. When was the last time you took time to pray? It's been a long time. I don't believe it does anything. What is a movie that you heard about recently that you do NOT want to see? Is that "Cats" movie real or was the trailer a fever dream???? What do you do during long trips in the car? I just blare music. Best kind of music to dance to? And the worst kind of music to dance to? I really love "different" songs that warrant a modern sort of dance style. It was my favorite when I took dance, and it's by far my favorite to watch. Worst, I guess like, screamo. How would you dance???? Last candy you tried that you did not enjoy? Or one that you did enjoy? Oh my god. So I tried that new Reese's doughnut from Krispy Kreme today, and it. Was. Repulsive. A candy I actually liked, idk. I rarely ever have treats anymore. Were you a chubby or thin baby? I was normal. Have you ever not given a tip at a restaurant? Why didn’t you? N/A, y'all know my money situation. What is the most outrageous thing you’ve considered doing lately? Okay, I'll admit I at least briefly pondered the possibility of getting a nipple pierced after an eternity of saying I never would lmao. I'm not, tho. Have you ever known somebody who ran away? Most likely. What are your thoughts on Batman? I think it's cool he has that policy of never killing anyone, and he also doesn't have any actual powers, does he? I don't remember. The whole Batman universe (or comics for that matter) is one I don't really connect to anymore, as it was Jason's obsession, so it's a dangerous topic for me. When I say Dr. Seuss, what is the first thing that comes to mind? Green Eggs and Ham. I loooved that book as a kid. Rollercoasters that go upside down… yes please or no thank you? Hell to the motherfuckin no thanks. Is there a certain place or store you especially hate going to? Grocery stores. What was the last animal/pet that you met? There was a BEAUTIFUL standard poodle Mom and I briefly interacted with at the pet store a week or so back. Is there something in particular you always seem to forget? Straighten the shower curtain after I get out so it dries properly. When was the last time you had to wait in line for longer than a few minutes? *shrugs* Have you ever written a review for a product you bought online? No. What was the last board game you played? I think it was all the way back when Sara, Girt, and I played Scrabble.