#also most of this is my interpretation but I left the mentioned partner in there to add your own interpretation

[tunasama13]

Ah fuck! I traumatized my blorbo again! :(

**SCREAMS AND THROWS MIGUEL ANGST INTO THE FAMILY FUNCTION**

MAJOR TW FOR ATTEMPTED S/H, SELF DEPRECATION, AND IMPLIED CHILD DEATH

Another day goes by like the ever so slight movement of the holographic clocks ticking. He took off his mask, knowing nobody was around to see the state he was in.

Everything inside of him hurt, it wasn’t that he was sore or anything, it was the feeling of constant guilt that was once again trying to rise out of his chest and suffocate him from the inside out. Everything is spiraling downwards, way too quickly for his liking.

Everyone was in the common area doing whatever, and he managed to slip away into the shadows without anyone noticing. It wasn’t hard to do, considering everyone was focused on Hobie and Pavitr arguing about the concept of a hotdog being a sandwich.

He’s always been kind of a loner anyways, if anyone noticed him leaving, they likely didn’t think much of it. Good riddance, considering what has been going on since the morning until now.

He was in a pretty pissy mood all day, and the others seemed to take notice of it. He even snapped at them when he didn’t mean to, over something that didn’t even warrant that reaction. He only realized he had yelled at them when Gwen looked visibly nervous, to which he quickly muttered out a ‘Sorry’ and swung away.

Jess was worried, she has been since that day, yet she still backed off, it was normal for him to be like this after the accident.

But today...? He couldn’t even bear to look at himself in the mirror on the wall of the monitor room.

All he saw was a pathetic excuse of a leader, a friend, a husband.

A father.

Before he knew it, the pain became way too much for him to handle, a feeling he had felt so many times for the last month crawled up his throat. Pain. Hatred, Fear... it all gathered in the corners of his eyes.

It hurt so bad, he wanted to scream- No, he couldn’t let them hear him. He’s done such a good job at hiding everything up to this point, he can’t let some stupid episode break his streak.

He stifles a sob, it comes out as a choked sound, helpless, like it came from the people he was supposed to be saving. His hands, no, his whole body was shaking, he was losing control.

“Stupid... stupid... STUPID!!!” He stumbles backwards after slamming his fist into his own temple, only to be caught by the wall behind him. He barely even registered that he was on the floor until everything seemed so much bigger than him.

How would they react if they knew? Would they replace him with someone more competent, less swayed by their emotions? Would they laugh at him? For fucks sake, most of the team was made up of kids, kids who have had their entire lives taken away from them.

What would they even do if they saw him right now?

He’d replace himself too.

He shouldn’t be the one shaking with silent sobs, tears running down his face, he has to be the adult here! But he can’t control anything, it’s like something in his mind was controlling every single movement he made.

A marionette being controlled by the cruel inevitablity of the universe.

He wonders, if he hadn’t been so ignorant, if only he was there in time. She would still be here, their daughter is gone, forever. Nothing could bring her back, and he knew it. He wasn’t Kingpin, falsely motivated by something that would never work in the first place.

He was supposed to be comforting his other team members after losing their person, but no matter how much he tried to push down everything to help, it always swung back to hit him even harder than before.

It was only a matter of time before he broke down in front of everyone, helpless, worthless, pathetic.

“...shut up shut up shutupSHUTUPSHUTUP!” He croaked, pulling on his own hair, hitting himself, doing whatever he could to punish himself for being such a goddamn weakling. His sobs were slowly becoming louder, he needed to shut up. Everything was for the good of the multiverse, and he knew it, so why did it hurt so much? Why did he constantly want to rip his own heart out in hopes he would just stop feeling things?

(Whoopsie doodles TW section for attempted S/H here!)

That’s it, he thinks, he needs something to drag him out of this pit he’s fallen into. His claws pop out with a *shnk!*, he immediately goes for his own throat, expecting to feel the warm gush of blood. Lyla would warn someone if he ripped out his own neck, she was gone for now. At least until the biometrics on his suit would start going crazy from blood loss.

But... nothing happens. All he can feel are his scarred fingerpads harshly digging into his skin, he forgot, he couldn’t cut himself open with his own talons.

‘Stupidshockingbastard you couldn’t even save your DAUGHTER and you forgot your own body’s limits, idiot idiot-“.

He barely registers the feeling of his own nails clawing at his throat, it barely hurts, it’s nothing compared to everything restrained behind the small leak of emotion that had sprung out.

He wonders if just letting this out hurts this much, he could only imagine how absolutely horrible that full tidal wave of held back emotions would feel. He can already feel the pressure building, migraines, constant nausea, falling asleep on his own computer.

Even they were trying to coax him to air out this terrible fucking feeling in one way or another, constantly holding him, giving him sweet little messages and pecks on the cheek before leaving for work. One night they even tried getting him to open up, only for him to selfishly deny them any chance of him opening up and letting everything go.

The hands scrabbling at his neck finally relent, he stares down at them, watching them tremble in tandem with his own heavy breathing.

He wishes he could be like Peter, who was most likely looking for Mayday. He’s jealous, he hates seeing Peter and Mayday do the stuff him and Gabriella used to do before that asshole took his perfect life away from him.

He hears himself yelp and flinch as another set of hands wrap around his own, his heart drops. This is it, he’s been caught, everyone’s going to find out. His breathing immediately picks up as he struggles weakly, trying to pry whoever was holding his hands off of him.

The hands move down to a little bit below his wrist, gently rubbing circles as a grounding method knowing his hands are sensitive.

“It’s okay... you’re gonna be okay... just breathe” It’s a familiar voice, thank shock, it’s just Jess. He’s still not okay though, his quiet sobs relenting as they’re replaced with quick, heavy breathing.

“Lyla told me you weren’t doing good... do you want to talk about it?” She smiles gently, he knows she knows what he went through, she’s trying to help. But some side of him hates it, he hates feeling like a helpless child, someone who needs to be saved.

He pushes her away, getting a surprised sound as he struggles to stand up, his vision spinning.

“No- no... I’m fine.” He bites out, wiping his tears with his wrist. Why is he like this? It’s stupid and foolish, but he can’t stop himself, it’s like he’s on autopilot.

He really didn’t want to seem small, not in control. Jess glares, yet there’s no real heat behind it.

“Okay, I want an excuse to how you could be fine when you’re curled up in the corner crying your eyes out!” Jess crosses her arms as he stumbles a bit, trying to get away.

“Listen Jess, I really don’t want to deal with this right now, I’m tired from today’s shenanigans and I would really appreciate it if-“ He was silenced when Jess grabbed his wrist, she looked pissed, yet still concerned.

“Are you crazy?! Holding everything back isn’t going to fix this! And I don’t care if your excuse is that you don’t want anyone to see you looking “weak”, everyone is already worried about you because of your month long vacation you didn’t explain to them!” She shoots back, it was enough to quiet him down. Leaving him to tremble at the idea of everyone finding out again.

Jess sighs, gently pulling him towards a chair and almost forcefully pushing him down onto it by the shoulders.

“Now, you’re going to tell me what set you off so we can finally get somewhere for once, then I’m getting you a drink and something to eat because you look like five seconds away from death-“ She continued in her rambling, leading him to sigh and draw his knees up to his chest. This was about to be a very long lecture about how foolish he was acting.

Understandable though.

[sunkissedchld]

𝐏𝐈𝐂𝐊 𝐀 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃

𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒏𝒆𝒙𝒕 𝒓𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒄 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒏𝒆𝒓 𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒔 𝒂𝒅𝒅𝒊𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖

the piles go from left to right. therefore, pile one is the photo with the love seat, pile two is the heart shaped-potions room without an entrance, and so on and so forth.

take your time to use your intuition to choose the pile that will best resonate with you. lastly, please don’t be afraid to say if the message resonated or not. it helps me in determining if my interpretations are correct or not, and i appreciate any sort of feedback - even if it’s “bad”.

good luck to you, reader 💘

photos courtesy of @poisonnightmares

WARNING: pile iii has a little 18+ mention, but it's nothing graphic nor is it explained in detail

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈

Shufflemancy:

"Dive Into You" by NCT Dream

"Last Night" by Dani Leigh

"TMT" by Stray Kids

Cards:

The Bachelor, The Rose Ceremony, Nine of Rings (Influencer), The Cocktail Party, Knight of Roses (Frontrunner)

Reading:

Your next romantic partner may like how structured and stable you are as a person. You could be a good leader or have heavy masculine energy; you might even embody the traits of "The Emperor" as a tarot card. They may feel as if you're good at making decisions and as if they can trust you with anything. You may have a way of gaining your next romantic partner's attention  very easily - you may have Venusian qualities or placements in your chart. Your own beauty may cause your next romantic partner to feel very stunned; you might even leave them speechless often or make them feel as if they need to "step up their game" when being with you. 

I also get the feeling your outlook on love or how you operate when you're in love gives your next romantic partner hope in terms of romance. They may have been apprehensive when approaching relationships beforehand, but being with you makes them think that love can exist or that healthy relationships aren't too far-fetched to ask for. You may be someone who is very into love - maybe you're a daydreamer in that sense or a hopeless romantic, and instead of only dreaming of the type of love you want - you make it happen. This might be something that makes your partner addicted to you because it could feel like an everlasting honeymoon phase or because it makes them open their heart in a way they're not used to. 

In short, your next romantic partner may be addicted to you because of the authenticity and passion with which you approach love; you may spark in them an appreciation for romance and healthy relationship expectations.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐈

Shufflemancy:

"Let Me Love You" by Mario

"I'm Ready" by Nakala

"Twinkle" by Girls' Generation

Cards:

Queen of Flutes (The Caregiver) [Rx], Seven of Mirrors (For the Wrong Reasons) [Rx], Six of Flutes (Butterflies), Ace of Flutes (First Kiss) [Rx], Four of Mirrors (Reassuring Rose)

Reading:

Those who chose this pile may be a little closed off when it comes to romance and love. You might be the type of person who plays hard to get and "doesn't really want to get into relationships", or you feel very jaded because of past relationships. I'm kind of getting the energy of you being a person in distress when it comes to romance. Your next romantic partner will actually like this energy about you! They'll like "the chase" so to speak. They're the type of person that likes engaging with people who are hurt because they like nurturing and healing others. They will find your wounded energy addicting because it makes it easy for them to be the nurturing person they are. 

Obviously being aware, some people do like seeking out vulnerable individuals in order to have dominance over them and to create unsafe and unhealthy situations, but that won't be the case for most of you who choose this pile. This person does not have bad intentions; fulfilling this caregiver/healer role is something they just enjoy doing. Your next romantic partner will like being able to change your point of view and show you that a more innocent, maybe even fairytale-like view of love does exist. They're not trying to show you what it's like being in a relationship for the first time, but they are trying to show you what love and relationships can be like going forward - with or without them. They are all about easing your worries. 

Overall, your next romantic partner will find your reluctance to love addicting. They will like the idea of having to work hard to make you open up your heart in order to feel more relief when it comes to dating. They find needing to work for your validation and happiness addicting.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐈𝐈

Shufflemancy:

"Burn" by Andra Day

"You Can't Win" by Michael Jackson

"Too Loud" by G-Eazy (feat. Nef the Pharaoh)

Cards:

Knight of Roses (The Frontrunner), Two of Mirrors (Two on One) [Rx], The Bachelor, The Villain, Three of Mirrors (Red Flags), Eight of Mirrors (In Your Head)

Reading:

Some of the people who chose this pile might also be attracted to pile one; I feel like it'll be very few of you though. This pile feels like the first one in a different font and context. There's a lot of Mirrors energy, so there's a focus on communication and your way of thinking. Your next romantic partner may be addicted to you because you're a very passionate, go-getter who knows when to get confrontational. You could be someone who is a little detached from their emotions, or who knows how to use them to your advantage. You know how to get whatever it is you want - including your next romantic partner. 

I'm kind of getting "bad bitch" energy. Your energy and way of living may naturally draw people to you, and your next partner may be someone who falls under your spell. The addicting part of you is very heavy in this reading - more so than the other piles. Your next romantic partner might even find how mean you are to them addicting. This could be in an 18+ way in that they like degradation or having you be dominant; it could also be this person likes how you're able to be mean to others. Going back to what was said before, you may be the type of person who knows when conflict is needed, and you could have no problem arguing with or even fighting people who you deem "deserve it". They really like your assertiveness! 

 For the most part, your next romantic partner will like your mean and/or abrasive personality. They'll like the way you stand up for yourself, and they could really enjoy it when you show off your dominance.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐕

Shufflemancy:

"Are you That Somebody" by Aaliyah 

"Waiting" by Woodz

"Good Girls" by 5 Seconds of Summer

Cards:

King of Roses (The Executive Producer) [Rx], Eight of Rings (Camera Guy), The Moon, Five of Flutes (I Fucked Up) [Rx]

Reading:

Your next romantic partner finds your cautionary attitude addicting. I'm intuitively reminded of the song, "Wait For It" from Hamilton the Musical. You may be the type of person who comes off a little mysterious; you could be the type of person who is always waiting for "the perfect timing" or find yourself holding back because you want to be sure you're doing everything right. You may like playing it safe and following the expectations that others place on you. I'm also reminded of "Good Girls" by Five Seconds of Summer, although this reading isn't gendered in any way! They like that you are predictable and reliable in a sense. 

They may also like that you're always paying attention to your surroundings and people around you. You could be an empath or someone who is just great at picking up on other people's emotions and feelings, whether they show it blatantly or not; you could be very in tune with your intuition. They also adore how you're always able to move on from things and never hold grudges against others or towards yourself. I get the sense your next romantic partner might feel like people treat you like a doormat or a pushover, and they like your willingness to (almost) never get upset about that, but it also kind of irritates them. They could like how they feel they almost need to step up for you in a way. It could be that your next partner is very assertive and quick when doing things in their life, but you're the total opposite in that you can be a little passive and slow about what you do in your life; they like this opposite dynamic!

In general, your next romantic partner will like the "opposites attract" type of dynamic you two will have. They like that you're a little more apprehensive about the choices you make, and they adore your willingness to assume the best of people.

[sunkissedchldrecon]

𝐏𝐈𝐂𝐊 𝐀 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃

𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒏𝒆𝒙𝒕 𝒓𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒄 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒏𝒆𝒓 𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒔 𝒂𝒅𝒅𝒊𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖

the piles go from left to right. therefore, pile one is the photo with the love seat, pile two is the heart shaped-potions room without an entrance, and so on and so forth.

WARNING: pile iii has a little 18+ mention, but it's nothing graphic nor is it explained in detail

take your time to use your intuition to choose the pile that will best resonate with you. lastly, please don’t be afraid to say if the message resonated or not. it helps me in determining if my interpretations are correct or not, and i appreciate any sort of feedback - even if it’s “bad”.

good luck to you, reader 💘

photos courtesy of @poisonnightmares

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈

Shufflemancy:

"Dive Into You" by NCT Dream

"Last Night" by Dani Leigh

"TMT" by Stray Kids

Cards:

The Bachelor, The Rose Ceremony, Nine of Rings (Influencer), The Cocktail Party, Knight of Roses (Frontrunner)

Reading:

Your next romantic partner may like how structured and stable you are as a person. You could be a good leader or have heavy masculine energy; you might even embody the traits of "The Emperor" as a tarot card. They may feel as if you're good at making decisions and as if they can trust you with anything. You may have a way of gaining your next romantic partner's attention  very easily - you may have Venusian qualities or placements in your chart. Your own beauty may cause your next romantic partner to feel very stunned; you might even leave them speechless often or make them feel as if they need to "step up their game" when being with you. 

I also get the feeling your outlook on love or how you operate when you're in love gives your next romantic partner hope in terms of romance. They may have been apprehensive when approaching relationships beforehand, but being with you makes them think that love can exist or that healthy relationships aren't too far-fetched to ask for. You may be someone who is very into love - maybe you're a daydreamer in that sense or a hopeless romantic, and instead of only dreaming of the type of love you want - you make it happen. This might be something that makes your partner addicted to you because it could feel like an everlasting honeymoon phase or because it makes them open their heart in a way they're not used to. 

In short, your next romantic partner may be addicted to you because of the authenticity and passion with which you approach love; you may spark in them an appreciation for romance and healthy relationship expectations.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐈

Shufflemancy:

"Let Me Love You" by Mario

"I'm Ready" by Nakala

"Twinkle" by Girls' Generation

Cards:

Queen of Flutes (The Caregiver) [Rx], Seven of Mirrors (For the Wrong Reasons) [Rx], Six of Flutes (Butterflies), Ace of Flutes (First Kiss) [Rx], Four of Mirrors (Reassuring Rose)

Reading:

Those who chose this pile may be a little closed off when it comes to romance and love. You might be the type of person who plays hard to get and "doesn't really want to get into relationships", or you feel very jaded because of past relationships. I'm kind of getting the energy of you being a person in distress when it comes to romance. Your next romantic partner will actually like this energy about you! They'll like "the chase" so to speak. They're the type of person that likes engaging with people who are hurt because they like nurturing and healing others. They will find your wounded energy addicting because it makes it easy for them to be the nurturing person they are. 

Obviously being aware, some people do like seeking out vulnerable individuals in order to have dominance over them and to create unsafe and unhealthy situations, but that won't be the case for most of you who choose this pile. This person does not have bad intentions; fulfilling this caregiver/healer role is something they just enjoy doing. Your next romantic partner will like being able to change your point of view and show you that a more innocent, maybe even fairytale-like view of love does exist. They're not trying to show you what it's like being in a relationship for the first time, but they are trying to show you what love and relationships can be like going forward - with or without them. They are all about easing your worries. 

Overall, your next romantic partner will find your reluctance to love addicting. They will like the idea of having to work hard to make you open up your heart in order to feel more relief when it comes to dating. They find needing to work for your validation and happiness addicting.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐈𝐈

Shufflemancy:

"Burn" by Andra Day

"You Can't Win" by Michael Jackson

"Too Loud" by G-Eazy (feat. Nef the Pharaoh)

Cards:

Knight of Roses (The Frontrunner), Two of Mirrors (Two on One) [Rx], The Bachelor, The Villain, Three of Mirrors (Red Flags), Eight of Mirrors (In Your Head)

Reading:

Some of the people who chose this pile might also be attracted to pile one; I feel like it'll be very few of you though. This pile feels like the first one in a different font and context. There's a lot of Mirrors energy, so there's a focus on communication and your way of thinking. Your next romantic partner may be addicted to you because you're a very passionate, go-getter who knows when to get confrontational. You could be someone who is a little detached from their emotions, or who knows how to use them to your advantage. You know how to get whatever it is you want - including your next romantic partner. 

I'm kind of getting "bad bitch" energy. Your energy and way of living may naturally draw people to you, and your next partner may be someone who falls under your spell. The addicting part of you is very heavy in this reading - more so than the other piles. Your next romantic partner might even find how mean you are to them addicting. This could be in an 18+ way in that they like degradation or having you be dominant; it could also be this person likes how you're able to be mean to others. Going back to what was said before, you may be the type of person who knows when conflict is needed, and you could have no problem arguing with or even fighting people who you deem "deserve it". They really like your assertiveness! 

 For the most part, your next romantic partner will like your mean and/or abrasive personality. They'll like the way you stand up for yourself, and they could really enjoy it when you show off your dominance.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐕

Shufflemancy:

"Are you That Somebody" by Aaliyah 

"Waiting" by Woodz

"Good Girls" by 5 Seconds of Summer

Cards:

King of Roses (The Executive Producer) [Rx], Eight of Rings (Camera Guy), The Moon, Five of Flutes (I Fucked Up) [Rx]

Reading:

Your next romantic partner finds your cautionary attitude addicting. I'm intuitively reminded of the song, "Wait For It" from Hamilton the Musical. You may be the type of person who comes off a little mysterious; you could be the type of person who is always waiting for "the perfect timing" or find yourself holding back because you want to be sure you're doing everything right. You may like playing it safe and following the expectations that others place on you. I'm also reminded of "Good Girls" by Five Seconds of Summer, although this reading isn't gendered in any way! They like that you are predictable and reliable in a sense. 

They may also like that you're always paying attention to your surroundings and people around you. You could be an empath or someone who is just great at picking up on other people's emotions and feelings, whether they show it blatantly or not; you could be very in tune with your intuition. They also adore how you're always able to move on from things and never hold grudges against others or towards yourself. I get the sense your next romantic partner might feel like people treat you like a doormat or a pushover, and they like your willingness to (almost) never get upset about that, but it also kind of irritates them. They could like how they feel they almost need to step up for you in a way. It could be that your next partner is very assertive and quick when doing things in their life, but you're the total opposite in that you can be a little passive and slow about what you do in your life; they like this opposite dynamic!

In general, your next romantic partner will like the "opposites attract" type of dynamic you two will have. They like that you're a little more apprehensive about the choices you make, and they adore your willingness to assume the best of people.

[mysterycitrus]

All of your Bruce takes are so real and so true. It must break your back having to carry the weight of being the most correct batman account on this website. 🙏🏻 I love your thoughts about Bruce and Dick in particular and I was wondering if you had any thoughts about Bruce and Damian? Something about them is just… oh boy.

that’s very sweet but untrue, anon 🫰

i love damian and bruce's relationship, but it's hard to talk about without mentioning two other crucial people - talia and dick. for my own sanity i only accept damian's conception as a consensual act, so in this context talia is a fundamentally well-meaning person who attempted to protect her son from a violent life, and hid his existance from bruce until she felt he could be safe. damian loves and respects his mother. this is important.

dick, on the other hand, is really the foundation for their relationship. bruce spent like two weeks with this kid before he went on his timestream roadtrip and left everything behind for dick to juggle. contrary to popular opinion, i think it's a real disservice to act like dick taught damian to "be a good person" or like basic etiquette - a more realistic interpretation would be that dick taught damian that he didn't have to prove himself to be worth something.

the robin mantle from the time it was taken from dick has always been about proving yourself to bruce, to justify your role as his partner. always unfairly, mind (think how tim is treated vs. steph, for example), but damian is the first robin's robin. dick isn't a wayne, he's a grayson. there's an interesting point of comparison being that dick is the only robin who had a clear trajectory for his life prior to his parents dying - he was a core member of the worlds greatest acrobatic troupe - but he then left that path to become something else. damian is destined for the bat, but becomes robin instead, serving beside someone who achieved greatness by his own skill and kindness. damian has been told about his father, and here he is with someone who knows bruce better than anyone but also understands what robin means, better than anyone. i cannot emphasise how important i think dick being damian's first batman is for their own development. it's so so crucial to combat damian's perspective on family and blood. it's so important that he has that foundational knowledge of what robin means.

by the time bruce returns, damian has made tangible human connections in gotham. he's not the prickly, reactive kid that bruce first met. he's allowed himself to trust that the people around him have his best interests in mind. he knows that he isn't cared for because he's bruce's son - he's cared for because he's worth loving. his siblings aren't competition for affection or honour. he no longer sees bruce as an omnipotent force, and rather as a man he could learn to love. i think seeing bruce through both talia and dick's persepectives really helps with that.

bruce i think is confronted by the fact that for the first time in his life he can't try and hide behind the "im not really xyz's father" excuse. not that his adopted kids aren't his kids, obviously, but i do think he sometimes tries to lean on that as a crutch so he doesn't get attached (way too late for that lol). he loves damian, and there's a lot of fear about damian reflecting his worst habits, his most self-destructive behaviours back at him. maybe there's some fear about damian's history of killing, and how close bruce himself always feels to that edge. maybe there's misery about missing one of his kids growing up, again, like he's always a second too late to the important moments. bruce and damian are so similar, but this is bruce's second chance to be there. he is thomas wayne, emerging from the alley alive. do u think damian looks like his grandparents?

[tayloralisonswift]

What are some of the songs you think are most likely about Karlie?

Ooooooooooh i love this question sm! thank you 🫶

i’m gonna break it down by album ! this is gonna be a long post lol. disclaimer that this is my interpretation of the songs and if it's not yours, that's ok! but this is my post.

also disclaimer i'm gonna use the term 'motif' loosely.

1989 /

welcome to new york (the beginning of the new york motif; you can want who you want)

you are in love ("on the way home" caption; beginning of the best friend in love motif)

new romantics (switch sides like a record changer; uses the same plural first person pronouns as wtny)

now that we don’t talk (totally influenced by a fic i read last night that said the 'do you feel anxious though, on the way home' was about being anxious that people saw them together; can't pretend it's platonic)

reputation /

end game (joe didn't have a big reputation before they met. he just didn't)

don’t blame me (daisyyyyy; is it a sin to love you motif; everyone thinks that they know us but they know nothing motif)

so it goes (cages motif! gold motif! wear her like a necklace!)

king of my heart (boys never did it like you did motif; trying on clothes; love is a secret)

dancing with our hands tied (this could be about dianna, too - it's about a relationship that's over now imo, ripped apart because it's queer)

dress (best friend motif; everyone thinks they know us motif; so much secrecy and pining)

lover /

cruel summer (unsure if karlie is the devil or the angel but she's present in this for sure; love is a secret)

paper rings (i'd marry you with an imaginary ring, i'd choose you in every lifetime including the one where our love is a secret)

cornelia street (new york motif!!!!!!!!)

false god (new york motif!!!!!!!; it's a sin to love you motif; everyone thinks that they know us motif)

it’s nice to have a friend (best friend motif)

daylight (i don't think daylight is DIRECTLY about karlie. i think it's more a coming out song, even if it's a coming out to yourself song.)

folklore /

the 1 (rose flowing with your chosen dinner with the kushners)

cardigan (gold cage motif; you broke me worse than they did)

exile (like he's just your understudy???????)

my tears ricochet (wedding motif; about karlie's betrayal; you broke me worse than they did)

august (other woman motif)

illicit affairs (other woman motif)

peace (love is a secret)

hoax (you broke me worse than they did, new york motif)

evermore /

champagne problems (i personally think this was written from karlie's pov. taylor was putting herself in that perspective to better understand it imo) (all of this is imo)

gold rush (gold motif; hair falling into place; it just is about karlie this is a fact)

happiness (hope you and your baby are happy motif!!!!!!! it happens twice but i'm calling it a motif anyway)

coney island (failedcomingoutlor, apologizing to karlie)

ivy (other woman motif; cheating on a male partner; it's about gay sex)

cowboy like me (another one that could be about dianna too - definitely a girlfriend)

closure (oh she was mad mad)

right where you left me (hope you and your baby are happy!!!!, hair pin drop????????)

it's time to go (the twin lyric hits hard after down bad)

midnights /

maroon (best friends motif; new york motif; lips so scarlet?????)

bigger than the whole sky :(

paris (where the culture's clever???)

glitch (best friends motif)

hits different (boys never did it like you did motif, the karrrrr lyric that exists only in my daydreams) :(

ttpd /

my boy only breaks his favorite toys (best friends motif; boys never did it like you did motif)

down bad (LIKE I LOST MY TWIN?? also everyone thinks that they know us)

loml :(

imgonnagetyouback (closets? bubbly? this one could go either way - karlie or matty - but i prefer the kaylor interpretation)

thank you aimee (explanation here)

i look in people’s windows (secrecy and pining) :(

peter (secrecy and pining, reference to dwoht with 25; closets mention)

[callsign-rogueone]

cuddles - b.s.

Brennan Sorrengail x reader words: 565 🏷: no book spoilers, just thoughts about cuddles with Bren [re: this ask]. gender neutral + no pronouns used. brief mentions of the following things, but they aren’t described in any detail: reader and/or Brennan being injured or sick, having nightmares, stress, and worrying about your partner / being afraid of losing them again. one (1) implication of sexual activity at the end but it’s incredibly mild and left up for interpretation. not edited, just a ramble / headcanons. posting this from my bed, wishing I had a brennan here with me right now :(

Bren is absolutely a cuddler behind closed doors, when it’s just him and his partner around.

it’s definitely a stress reliever for him to just be held and relax with you, to take his mind off of preparing for war. everywhere else, he’s the stern, responsible Lieutenant Colonel, but inside your room, he’s just your Bren, and he likes to be babied sometimes. he deserves it! hold him. massage the stress out of his shoulders. be the big spoon for him sometimes (even if you’re shorter/smaller than him, he still loves it). let him lay his head on your lap / chest / etc and play with his hair and read aloud to him from whatever book you’re in the middle of. warning you though, he’ll probably fall asleep and trap you there for a good hour because he’s so tired all the time.

you’ve both been through so much, and sometimes he just likes to have you close, feeling the warmth of your body and your heartbeat and your breathing, as a reassurance that you’re still alive, still here with him 🥺 especially if one of you has a nightmare, or something scary happened to either of you that day — if you were seriously injured, he’s mending you immediately, obviously, but then he’s not letting you out of his sight. he’s taking the afternoon off and taking care of you, and that includes hours of cuddles. 

and he’ll do it as a reassurance for you, too. if you’re crying / injured / overwhelmed, etc., he’s scooping you into his arms and holding you close while he figures out what’s wrong and how to fix it for you, because that’s what Brennan does, he fixes things. but if it’s not an immediately urgent issue, he’s happy to cuddle you a while to help you feel better first.

and it’s a subconscious thing for him too. even when he’s asleep, he’ll reach for you, curling into your side when he finds you. he just wants to be close to you, as it’s a comfort to him. he falls asleep a lot easier and stays asleep longer when he can feel that you’re around. if he’s sick or recovering from an injury (like in the last six years), you need to be close to him — not just for your own reassurance and because you want to take care of him, but also because he’ll drag himself out of bed to find you if you leave. 

on nights where it’s too hot to cuddle, you have to settle for falling asleep holding hands, which works for a few minutes — until one of you wants to roll over — but it’s good enough for him. 

also, I stand by the fact that he’d have the most comfortable bed. he’s the top commander of the revolution, so he’d theoretically have the nicest room, and because he’s so tired from running the army and mending people and teaching a class now, too, I think he would value having a nice soft place to sleep when he can. a big mattress that you can stretch out on, lots of pillows and some very nice blankets.

and I am legally obligated to make this suggestive, because it’s Brennan: cuddling is a requirement after ~certain activities~. and also, cuddling tends to turn into ~certain activities~ quite often — when you’re not too tired, that is. 😉

[letters-adressed-to-the-fire]

pov: you’re addicted to the “if-onlys” (or me when I’m over-analyzing Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus)

Yes, I’m gonna analyze the entire song. No, I don’t need an introduction. Yes, let’s dive into it.

Let’s start with the very interesting use of the word "hologram".

"Your hologram stumbled into my apartment"

We’ve seen Taylor use "phantom" and "ghost" to talk about past relationships in other songs (for example: loml), but we’ve never seen her use "hologram." Why? Well, this suggests she might be talking about something more present, as if the relationship had become so worn out that he stopped being a real person to her and turned into a hologram—something close yet untouchable.

But, this line, followed by “hands in the hair of somebody in darkness” paints a picture of someone cheating. So, even if Taylor intended this, the ambiguous nature of the verse means it’s necessary to approach it from a different angle too.

Yes, the idea of her coming into her apartment and being followed by the presence of the person she loved, does resembles the idea of a ghost. But the use of "hologram" indicates something different this time, she’s talking about the person’s current actions, and given Taylor’s past relationships with famous people, it makes sense that she would know when they started seeing someone new.

So, what does this mean? With these lines Taylor is bringing a completely different emotion to the song, one that permeates throughout: The rarely discussed how, when someone you loved starts moving on, you’re left wondering, "Why am I staying behind?" and "Why does it still hurt?"; and how this can lead to drowning in "what ifs" and trying to remember why it didn’t work out.

"As the decade would play us for fools And you saw my bones out with somebody new Who seemed like he would've bullied you in school"

In the same note, this part of the verse mirrors Taylor's narrative but from the guy’s point of view. She’s now saying the same thing happened to him.

There’s something common in both perspectives tho, Taylor is not just saying “you’re with someone else”, she’s saying “you’re with someone else and that makes me angry”. In the first lines, the mention of names like "Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus" emphasizes her anger and condescension, showing that she doesn’t care about the specifics of who he’s with, just that it’s not her. Paralleling this, the line “who seemed like he would’ve bullied you in school” suggests she’s trying to provoke her ex by mentioning something that would bother him, not because the new partner is a bully (obviously), but because it’s a sore spot for her ex.

"And I just watched it happen" "And you just watched it happen"

Here, we are already introduced to one of the key elements of the song: the act of watching. Throughout all the song, Taylor will resort to this bit to depict a sense of helplessness.

In the first verse, it is used to portray how both parts of the relationship watched each other drift apart without trying to reconcile.

“And I couldn't watch it happen” “And you just watched it”

In the second verse, she couldn’t bear to watch, indicating she took action to stay away from him; which was also possible because the guy didn’t do anything to stop her.

“Like it never happened?” “It just didn't happen”

By the third verse, she dropped this act of watching, now she’s stating facts and contemplating whether pretending it never happened is a viable way to move on.

Now, we’ll move to the chorus.

To start, we need to discuss the double meaning behind the line “I loved you the way that you were”: Did he love her for who she was without needing to change, or did he only love a past version of her? Both interpretations are equally devastating.

“If you wanna tear my world apart Just say you've always wondered”

Then we are presented to the most heart-wrenching part of the song. Taylor is already wondering, and it would destroy her to know she’s not alone in this. This could mean either she’s hoping to get back together, or she fears she’ll never move on. Imagining a scenario where they meet years later and he admits he’s always wondered about their potential could terrify her, showing how significant this person was to her.

*Part 2 in a few days!!! I'll be discussing some metaphors and some alternative interpretations (because I'm me and I love to complicate things)*

[dryococelas01]

As a worm fan I have to speak up about the best character in worm, the greatest hero in worm, a tragic and severely underappreciated character (I've seen like 1 fanfic with him in. And it was a pretty mediocre one imo) and a character I seem to be the only fan of.

The most powerful man in the world. Kevin Norton.

This is gonna be a big ramble and I have not planned this out and it's gonna contain a shit ton of worm spoilers so ignore if you don't want to be spoiled.

And considering its involved in his backstory, trigger warning for homophobia, rape, homelessness, and partner abuse.

Kevin Norton, unhoused gay English man.

We get 2 versions of Kevin's backstory, the one he tells Lisette and the one from scions interlude.

I'm pulling this from memory so please forgive me for errors.

To her he says essentially he went to college, got a girlfriend. Lived with her for a while, and eventually realised he was gay. When he informed his girlfriend it didn't go well, got abusive, and eventually he left, to live on the streets. There he, eventually, found Scion (and Duke, his dog, the more important character). Scion at the time wasn't exactly a hero. He had healed Vikare and his sister and he definitely wasn't a villain, he just sortof floated around. Kevin goes off on him about all Kevin's been through, how dare he look sad etc. And tells him to help people. And Scion listens, and begins to help. Later he meets with Scion a few more times, to talk to him.

Then there's scions interlude. Its about the same, with one slight difference. He explicitly mentions that he has been raped. I don't believe, off the top of my head, that it's made explicit it was his former girlfriend, but l feel that's very obvious.

I live in Britain, and I've seen a lot of people on the streets like Kevin. I doubt any of them are talking to alien god beings but many of them are on the streets for very similar reasons to Kevin. LGBTQ+ people get kicked out a lot when they come out, many do end up on the street like Kevin when the homophobia from their family or partners becomes too much. There are also a lot of people with abusive partners who end up on the street, or who, upon realising they are LGBTQ+, get a very negative response.

He is a character who's suffering a lot. But, and I don't phrase it like this to minimise it, it is a mundane sort of suffering. He didn't end up on the street because Behemoth sent a lightning bolt through his house, or the slaughterhouse nine altered his face to look like Jack Slashes, or even a possible but still unusual form of suffering like Taylors locker.

The tale of Kevin Norton (minus scion) is one that no doubt countless people are going through now. And I know it's kinda tiring that a lot of stories of LGBTQ+ people revolve around our suffering, but idk, I'm fine with it here.

And yet, and this is the thing that sticks in my brain and makes him so intriguing to me, he doesn't ask Scion to fix it. Kevin Norton dies of a disease (cant remember which), and he knows Scion could cure it. The first thing he did was cure a man's cancer. And Scion could easily give him whatever he needs to live, whether directly with his powers or by just yknow, asking Scion to take him to a nearby hero team and going 'hey, I command Scion and made him a hero, I've saved millions of lives through this, can I have a house'.

So... why doesn't Kevin ask for that.

There's 2 answers I can think of, the selfless (but still kinda depressing) and the full on depressing.

The first is that he recognises scion has so many people to save and doesn't want him wasting time he could be spending saving 10 peoples lives to help him live better. In this interpretation, Kevin has made his peace with living on the street, and with his eventual death.

The second is that Kevin Norton is tired. He has suffered a lot, he has lived on the street for years, he has borne the emotional burden of being the man who commands the strongest hero in the world, and he has discovered that he could have done so much more, if he had just phrased things differently. In this interpretation, Kevin Norton just doesn't want to go on.

There's other possible interpretations, but in truth I think it lies somewhere between these.

There's something tragic about him that captures me. The greatest hero in the world, who has likely saved more people than any member of the triumvirate, and he likely dies alone, bar perhaps his dog, with only one other person knowing what he did. His last act as a hero, is to pass on the torch, an act he clearly feels guilty about, knowing the burden its been for him.

And that's captivating to me. And I don't know if I've even fully explained why.

I like to think he died after hearing of Behemoths death. He would know he had fixed his mistake, and performed a last, great act of heroism.

And there's something to say about how, for only a small kindness of money and a few minutes, he made Lisette the most powerful woman in the world. I try, when I can, to give money and time to the people I see on the streets. But I don't always have money, or time, and whenever I walk away I always feel a great amount of guilt. I'd like to think the little helps I give make as big an impact as Lisettes to Kevin's, but I doubt it. We don't have alien god beings.

Perhaps his rant to Scion was unfair. He didn't know Scions perspective or history. Scion could have suffered a lot. But it was very real. An outburst of a man so powerless and suffering to one who seems to have all the power in the world and is doing nothing with it. There's something about that that resonates with me, despite having had a pretty privileged life myself.

Speaking of privilege, this is sortof a tacked on note but there's something interesting to note about the stories 2 more impactful (in setting) gay male characters.

We have Legend and Norton.

Legend has a lot of power and influence, he has a husband and an adopted son. He definitely suffers from homophobia, not taking that away from him, but he lives pretty well. His suffering doesn't come from his living situation, but from external forces: Endbringers, supervillains, the weight of the entity over his head, the lies of his teammates etc. He has done good. He has saved many.

Norton suffers because of his living situation. He suffers very directly from homophobia, as essentially the cause of his living situation. Other than Scion he likely hasn't really been directly impacted by Cape stuff much. He has done good, he has saved many.

They both have such drastically opposite lives, and you can see it in their relationship to the being that plays an important part in both their stories. Scion. To Kevin he's a seemingly mentally broken man who has saved thousands under his direction. To Legend he's a Venus fly trap, an entity appearing heroic waiting to destroy hundreds.

Under a certain perspective, you could argue both are right.

You could also make a point about how privilege can shield you from some of the worst impacts of homophobia and seeing that by comparing them etc etc but I find such conversations often end up being very dismissive and suffering Olympicsy, and don't feel entirely qualified to talk about it as I am a not out trans woman, not a gay man, and only know about that effect of privilege in relation to homophobia second hand, from discussions other people have had. If other people want to talk about that who have more experience there, feel free.

There's more to say about these two characters, but I can't grasp it right now.

One last point I want to make.

Fiction... does not treat people living on the streets very well. It would have been very easy to have Kevin being a raving man, wearing a tinfoil hat and ranting about how powerful he is. And many other stories would have.

And to a degree, he does initially come off as such, and it appears that Lisette, for a moment, thinks he is after hearing him talk about being The Most Powerful Man and so on.

But he isn't. We get in his head and he's never treated as anything but a human being in a terrible situation.

I don't know what else to say about this part of it other than that his interlude is very well done, and while there's a lot you can, and people have, say about how Wildbow handles certain subjects, I think he did well here.

Also he has a cute loyal dog and one of the best interludes in worm.

I stan Kevin Norton

[oubliette-odette]

The Reluctance of Love Pt. 1

I don't like the fated mates trope. But I think it's because I don't personally like how people write/interpret it (no hate, just not for me. Also I'm asexual so...I'm built different or something. shrug). So this is me trying to write fated mates my way.

Orc Male x Half-Elf Male, Fated Mates, Forbidden Love, Slow Burn Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28 Word Count: 2443 (average 18 min read) Content Warnings: mention of mating, nothing happens....yet ;) All orcish is from orcishdictionary.com, created by Matt Vancil. Not beta-read. Criticism is welcome, but be sure to distinguish criticism from hate.

My world shattered the day I saw him, my raebukan, my mate.

The pride of Orc tribes is centered on two things. The first being the pride of our warriors who defend and conquer in the tribe's name. The second, the pride of bearing and rearing many children together as a tribe through the groupings of mates. To ensure that all children be born strong, our bodies experience lordhovid - an intense physical pull that is described as a boiling in the blood that occurs upon seeing your mate. Lordhovid does not still until physical intimacy.

Most orcs experience lordhovid many times in their lifetime, gathering multiple partners that together rear large broods of children. The larger the brood, the greater pride the patriarch of the brood holds within the tribe and rises in rank of influence.

I, Drunrag Ularat, had never experienced lordhovid.

There had never been signs that I would ever feel the sensation of my blood burning for another. And while my brood brothers and sisters from my litter all began to bear children of their own, I remained. I remembered the way my broodmothers whispered to one another behind my back about me. I heard theories that I was unlucky, cursed, born dishonorably. My broodfather soon pretended that I didn't exist. My brothers and sisters did the same.

I tried to remain faithful that Gruumsh would change my fate, that I would lock eyes with a fierce orc-woman and feel the burn I heard so often about. But each looked back at me with only a coldness I had become too familiar with.

I left home, unable to bear the dishonor I continued to bring to my family. And I struggled through my young adult years earning my pay through hard manual labor. I learned to read and write in common to gain favor with those who hired me. I learned that my brute strength wasn't the only quality about me that could bring me honor. The older I got, the less I travelled, until I settled into a small merchant town on the coast, and worked in the forges during most of the year, crafting weapons and tools. The guilt and shame that I carried from my failure as an orc soon faded as the years passed and I settled into a rhythm that worked best for me in the quiet buzz of my coast town. I soon understood my true feelings from my childhood. I was relieved that I never had to juggle romance and physical intimacy. Even despite my lack of mate - I don't know that I ever really understood mating the same way as my tribe. It didn't make sense to me, and I didn't really want anything to do with it.

Until that fated day.

I had woke that morning with a pounding headache, and I remembered grumbling about it as I shuffled out of my room. The space was always cramped - due to my size - but it felt near claustrophobic that morning. I ran the back of my hand against my blurry eyes and blinked furiously as I peered into my food storage - only to find an onion as my offering for breakfast. I grumbled and reached for the snapsack I kept draped on my single chair and the pouch of coins that i shoved deep into the pockets of my breeches.

The morning was quiet, and the sea air was invigorating most mornings, but that morning, breathing it in only made me sneeze and the pounding in my head knocked harder against my skull. I groaned outwardly. As I walked down the cobblestone path towards the market circle, I felt a tightening sensation in the pit of my stomach with each step. Nausea overwhelmed me. Strange, since orcs have excellent constitution and I hadn't eaten a thing since the day before. I swallowed down the bile that built in my throat and forged ahead.

The market was always busy at any hour and I learned to know which vendors were more kind to me than others. It was still fairly common - and expected - to get strange lingering stares and off-kilter remarks made in my direction. I learned to ignore it, but today I already felt too unsettled to be able to shrug it off as easily as normal. I stopped by a bakery and exchanged my gold for a warm loaf of bread, then made my way down to where a stall was selling freshly picks fruits. Golden globes of fresh juicy fruit tempted me and I retrieved another set of coins before reaching for three shiny, firm globes into my sack.

As I deposited each one in one by one, I felt the tingle on the back of my neck that was someone was staring at me. With a fruit still in hand, I glanced to my right, ready to face a disgusted customer.

It was then that I looked up and met his gaze.

He was small. Maybe not by human standards, but I still considered most humans small - so he was also small to me. Willowy and thin, brown skin and long coppery curls, the ends teasing his skin around the base of his smooth, tantalizing neck. I spotted the soft pointy ears of a half-elf. Not quite as long and slender as an elf, but gently sloped up to a rounded point that poked through his mop of hair. Green-gold eyes - reminiscent of the fruit in my hand- met mine. They were large, curious eyes that looked back at me unflinching and kindly.

I couldn't look away. I didn't want to look away. He was beautiful. His lips were curled upwards naturally - like he always had a joke or funny story to tell. His lips parted as he gazed back at me, an open mouth smile just for me. There were no thoughts in my mind.

The burning began in my heart. A strong pulsing rush of boiling blood that started to spread and sear through every part of me. I stood there, unable to move and unable to look away from him. I felt so much joy, so much elation upon the sight of him, but it quickly was overrun with panic, confusion, and fear.

Never in the history of orcs had I heard of a male orc experiencing lordhovid with another male orc. It was common to have casual lovers of the same sex - but never mates. Mates were ones who promised children and the continued growth of your broods. I didn't understand - how could this man be my mate? I didn't want this. I was happy alone. Happy to be left alone. I gazed at him and the burning desire surged and bubbled until a loud, explosive breath escaped my lips. An exhalation of panic.

"Fuck." I breathed. I didn't want this.

"Sir, you alright?" The vendor asked me.

I grunted in response. I didn't break my gaze, everything in me was screaming inside me to take the half-elf and claim him here in the streets, in front of everyone. I hated that I even considered it. I didn't want that. My body and my brain remained at war, and I unable to move.

The half-elf's eyes narrowed. And he approached me slowly. The way he moved, the way his long legs and slender hips weaved through the crowd with ease, like water on glass. His eyes didn't leave me, and the walk towards me felt like it was a hundred miles between us. My breathing was growing ragged with each step. I was fighting everything not to run away...or run to him.

"I apologize if I have offended you." The half-elf said as he approached me. "I didn't mean to stare." His voice was gentle, smooth and rough at the same time. It reminded me of the sound of a harp, smooth and flowing out like song. I shuddered, my fists clenched. Closer up, I could see he had a spattering of freckles across his face, they were adorable and I wanted to spend the rest of my life counting how many existed on his body. I wanted to die for thinking of this stranger in front of me in such a base manner.

I blinked and swallowed heavily, my brain moving slower than normal. What could I do? What do I say?

The half-elf hesitated, reaching a hand out to me. I jerked back, fear and alarm and lust seizing me at once. He also jerked back. I saw that his hands were shaking. Was he afraid of me? I glanced up to his face again and saw that his eyes were wide and his lips were parting, he was breathing heavy.

He let out a heavy breath and whispered, "Can we go somewhere private? Something has come over me and I need your help."

Somewhere private.

Alarms bellowed in my brain. No. I can't be alone with him. I can't trust myself.

Before I could react, the half elf snatched my hand with both of his own. The warmth that radiated from his touch was cooler than the burning inside me and I felt my panic still. For how long I didn't know.

I let him drag me through the streets. My size didn't allow for a smooth walk, and I wasn't right in the head. I brushed and bumped against dozens of people. They likely glared at me, but I could only look at the back of my mate's head and wonder at how someone's hair could be so long and so curly at the same time and what it smelled like, what it would feel like against my cheek.

I found myself being pushed against a wall in a lonely street. I didn't know where I was. I looked down at the half-elf. His breathing was harder than before, and he stood very close to me. He only reached to my chest. My hands lingered close to his shoulders, eager to wrap around him. Around his waist. His neck.

"What did you to do me?" He said, an edge of desperation in his voice. "I don't know what I did to offend you...but please I beg you to remove whatever this curse is."

I may not be an honorable orc like my brothers and sisters, but hearing lordhovid be equated to a curse felt culturally offensive. It was true that I too didn't have any interest in these emotions, these urges. But it was the honor of an orc to experience this and feel the binding between one's self and their life-partner. And though I had grown to appreciate and become comfortable with my fate...I couldn't deny that there was a building excitement that I was finally feeling it with someone. The excitement also scared me too.

"Do you understand me?" He said pleadingly, and then he muttered to himself. "Damn, maybe he doesn't speak common."

"I understand." I managed to rasp out. My hands itched to hold him. I ignored it and wrestled through the rest of my words. "I - You are not cursed. What ails you also ails me."

"What is it?" He asked. "I'm feeling sensations that I am unfamiliar with."

"It is lordhovid. My people's mating instinct."

His eyes widened. "Why...why am I feeling it?"

I shook my head, "I don't know. This has never happened in our tribe. I am sorry."

"How do we stop it?" He asked. "Don't tell me I have to sleep with you?"

I looked away from his gaze, I couldn't bear to see him look at me with disgust. I felt a whimper escape my lips. It was too much to be so close to him and not hold him. I didn't want to hurt him, I didn't want him to be scared of me.

"I'm sorry." I breathed out.

"You...have you experienced this before?" He asked. "You seem more scared then me."

I shook my head. "I am krandad. Broken. I brought shame to my family because I was unable to mate."

"I see." He said, his voice sounding very calm under the circumstances. "And so now you experience your first...impulse...with me?"

I nodded. "I'm sorry."

He sighed. "Please stop apologizing. I'm starting to understand that this isn't really your fault."

I dared a chance to look to him. His hands were caught running through his hair, and he was also looking down. He was truly the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I don't know if the lordhovid would change that for me either. He was simply radiant.

"What's your name?" he asked. "If I am to sleep with you, I'd like to know who you are." He put a hand on his chest. "I am Altan."

"Drunrag." I said.

"Drunrag." Altan said, and a smile returned. My knees weakened when he said my name back. The orcish name on his tongue sounded like poetry, like art. Oh, if I could hear him say my name again and again and again.

"You...are not afraid of me?" I asked.

He shook his head, "I think I'm faring better than you right now actually." He laughed.

I had to close my eyes to his radiance, his laughter was too much and I clenched my fists.

"Sorry," He said. "I can tell that I'm affecting you."

"Not your fault." I breathed. "I should just go. I can't do this to you unwillingly."

"What?' He asked.

Before I could say any more. I surged all of my strength to rip myself away from the wall and I ran and I didn't look back. My body continued to burn, and I felt an aching inside me that stretched from my body and remained with Altan. It was trying to pull me back. But I would not go. With each moment I spent with him, it had only become harder to deny my body's instinct to mate with him. I didn't want to do that to him. He was too good

None of this made any sense. I couldn't experience lordhovid so late in my years. I couldn't experience it with another species and I certainly couldn't experience it with another man. I didn't even want to begin to process the anger I felt when I had finally made peace that I didn't even want to mate with anyone.

My broodmothers had been right all along. I was broken. I was flawed and I never would have brought honor to my tribe.

I didn't open the forge that day, but instead crawled back into bed where i remained shaking and shivering.

[drconstellation]

First-Order Archangels

Part 2: Foils of War

This post follows on from Part 1: Maybe You'll See An Archangel

In Part 1 of this meta we looked at some parallels between Gabriel and Crowley that were being shown to us in S2. This time we are going to focus on the differences, as well as some parallels between their partners, Beelzebub and Aziraphale.

A foil is a character who contrasts with the protagonist, to highlight or differentiate certain qualities between the characters. Crowley and Gabriel do this because they have come from essentially the same place, and share some story elements, but they still end up in different places.

Lets start with their first meeting in S2.

There's a couple of things about this scene worth noting. The first is Crowley's reaction. In my honest opinion, this is seems a a bit of an overreaction, even considering what happened during the body swap scenes. The reaction is more about something that happened to Crowley himself, not to Aziraphale, and my guess is its something to do with Crowley's Fall. But what exactly happened at that point, I can't say.

The second is the white bust. It does look like it is passing some kind of judgment on Gabriel there, and they are perfectly aligned in the shot-blocking, just as they were aligned over Crowley's shoulders before he turned around and saw Gabriel in the GIF above. (Yep. Go back and take a close look - Gabriel sits on Crowley's right shoulder, and the bust sits right on his left.)

I talked about what it represented here in Part 1 of Gabriel as a Shoulder Angel: S2 Study

This bust is identified in the meta A. Z. Fell & Co. bookshop and its statues by @youryurigoddess as the Head of the Victorious Athlete. The op applies an interpretation in context to Aziraphale but seeing how we get Gabriel posed next to it twice, perhaps we should have a closer look at what it might be trying to tell us about this angel as well. The op says: "The presented athlete is victorious because he’s the epitome of the Platonic Triad of higher Forms: Truth, Beauty, and Excellence, understood in the wider context of the Greek Aretē."

Arete is a nebulous concept, and while it meant one thing in the earlier post it is trying to convey a slightly different message here. Its about combining a number of qualities to live up to your best potential of excellence. Such a person would be displaying the highest levels of strength, courage and wit. Having been confronted with Gabriel unexpectedly, Crowley has just lost his wits and courage - for a moment, at least.

Gabriel, still stripped down and presented to us in a basic, classical style of robing, is dealing with one of the other aspects of arete. "See, told you I looked like a Gabriel," he says, standing on the angelic right-side. Truth is virtue, truth is knowledge, and in arete virtue is knowledge as well.

In vino veritas means "In wine, there is truth." It refers to the fact that people under the influence of alcohol tend to speak without filters.

We've already talked about one meaning for the red horse on the wine bottle Crowley obtains to do some thinking with once he's hit with Nina's comment about people's love lives in S2E5. Yes, everything on that table right there is about love. But if you read all the reblogs on that post-thread, a number of people also mention that red horses are connected to War (as in the third Horseperson of the Apocalypse that didn't happen - their horse, if they had one, is supposed to be red.)

Firstly, the date on the bottle impossibly old for reality (believe me, you will not find a bottle that old in a little cafe like that, not matter where you are) so it is more likely a fictional date to refer us to the year before WWII started, the last peaceful year for most people before widespread war broke out (hmm, a bit of foreshadowing there, maybe?)

Secondly, and more importantly, Crowley pauses to pick up the bottle with the passionate red horse of War* on it to take it with him when he goes to talk to Gabriel.

Oh, I'm not here to make peace, Crowley declares as he enters the room - look at the way he turns the label to face Gabriel as he enters - I'm here to do battle. Isn't that what you wanted, Gabriel?

(If you go back to the scene blocking for the following sequence, you'll notice that Crowley starts on the right-side, the side of Heaven, that wants to re-start and hopefully win the War, but Gabriel, who has changed his mind, is more on Crowley's usual left-side now, wanting peace instead.)

In S1 Gabriel was the one all for starting, or more rather, continuing a war that was never concluded, but now seems to be backing away from that, and Crowley just can't work it out.

The recording of the trial in Heaven gives some explanation as to why, but not the whole reason for Gabriel's back-down on war.

He is removed from the office of Supreme Archangel for the reason of "[refusing] to exercise your celestial authority." I'll come back to this shortly.

On the other hand Crowley will fight on the spot if required but would rather avoid a prolonged war if at all possible. And he doesn't hesitate to lay down his own authority to achieve that. Astonishingly, no one in the bookshop disputes this, and he quickly takes control of the gathered celestial councils.

CROWLEY: Nobody's at war. You idiots sent an idiot to lead a gang of idiots to attack a bookshop. Those idiots there want their Archangel back so they can fire him.

Then:

MICHAEL: [clears throat]If it is to be war… CROWLEY: No, no, no, no, no war. Aziraphale, let's sort this out. Where's the cardboard box?

Crowley gets Gabriel back to his true self, rescues the mortal humans from being turned in pillars of salt, asks Aziraphale to take over from him as he leads Maggie and Nina outside, and kindly remembers to retrieve Mr Brown from wherever he was being held in Hell (he was not killed, Neil commented on a tumblr post he was merely taken to Hell and held in a cell overnight; Crowley just retrieved him from that hell hole.)

(OK, so I had something else here at first but discussion on another post at the time of writing has led me to delete it. The main aim of my argument was to show that Crowley naturally took control of the room to avert war before the Metatron showed up - and no one disputed or objected to it.)

The word "authority" is used multiple times in Ep.6, so there is some emphasis on it being important. Once the demons left, and it was just the angels talking, Michael tried to take over:

MICHAEL: I am authorized to remove the name of anyone who helped Gabriel from the Book of Life. You will never have existed, Aziraphale. In the absence of Gabriel, I am the Supreme Archangel. URIEL: Duty officer.

It wasn't the first time Michael tried to claim the position of Supreme Archangel on their own - with Uriel pushing back - and it brought to mind the famous saying "Power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely." I like to check the exact wording of well-known sayings such as this, because they tend to get misquoted, and I know I myself misremember them, so I was interested to find out the context behind its origin, because I think it offers an insight into one of the cut minisodes for S2 - the one that would have been set in the Vatican. The writer of said quote, Lord Acton, was making a comment on how historians should judge the abuse of power by past rulers, especially popes. Unchecked power tends to lead to abuse of said power. The Metatron arrives to put a check on Michael's grasp on power, but who's keeping a check on the Metatron if God is not talking to anyone at the moment?

Control is something Gabriel feels he has never had, even though he is nominally in charge.

BEELZEBUB: Well, you didn't win. GABRIEL: Tell me about it. Everyone in Heaven is all like, "Well, you're the commander-in-chief, can't you just make the war happen anyway?" Like, I make the rules. BEELZEBUB: [scoffs] That's exactly what my lot said. GABRIEL: Well, it's good to know there's someone who understands. Thank you. It's a pity we'll never speak again.

In S1 when Aziraphale asks Gabriel who summons the Four Horsepeople for the Apocalypse, he doesn't know, and doesn't really seem too phased about it either, as long it happens. And there are a few other times in S1 he just seems to be going with the flow as well.

The trial was probably the first time Gabriel ever got to say "no" to anybody, and ironically he was exercising his celestial authority, even though he was accused of not doing so. Up until then, he'd always been more of a yes-man.

GABRIEL: I told you you could ask. However, I am the only First-Order archangel in the room, or, you know, the Universe, so I'm not gonna answer so much. But you feel free to knock yourself out with all the asking. Anyway, Armageddon the Sequel, that's a nah.

And there is Gabriel also saying no to answering questions!

One thing I've often wondered - can Gabriel's trial offer us a look back at what happened to Crowley before his Fall?

Something, some link between Gabriel and Crowley, is implied when Gabriel states he is the only First-Order Archangel in the room. I'm not just talking about the prince of Heaven comment, but Crowley could have been put through a similar trial before his Fall and shown similar defiance? Who would dare say no to the Metatron?

Crowley has nearly always been ready to say no when necessary, since the very beginning. He said no to killing children, he said no to taking up a Duke of Hell position (so far 😉) and he said no to Armageddon, amongst other things.

The scene down in Hell with the two thrones in S2E1, where Beelzebub offers Crowley "anything [his] nasty little heart desires" has a lot of parallels with the Metatron's offer to Aziraphale and is jam-packed full of other good stuff, but I'm just going to pick out a couple of aspects here, because I promised some Beelzebub-Aziraphale parallels.

One is the implication that Crowley was an equal to Beelzebub when they were both angels when Crowley responds to the threat about the Book of Life.

The two of them sitting together, side by side, reinforces this impression of them being equals of some kind. And just as Beelzebub is an Aziraphale parallel, so Aziraphale is Crowley's equal as well - in the present day. (They're a team, a group of the two of them, an Us.)

But what about when Beelzebub gets up to face Crowley, and leaves the other throne vacant? Hmm.

So we know the second throne was supposed to be for Gabriel, who never arrived. During the course of the series it gets pushed to one side, then disappears altogether, and Beelzebub appears on a cushioned white and gold chair reminiscent of Aziraphale's chair by his desk (see below.)

Ah, on second thoughts, I'm going to leave the rest of what I was going to say here for another meta (sorry!) because it pertains more to speculation about Crowley and Aziraphale in S3. Let's move on...

BEELZEBUB: Do you ever think, wouldn't it just be nice if someone told you what a good job you're doing?

@vidavalor already covered most of this parallel here, but while Aziraphale has Crowley to fall back on, and Crowley is happy to oblige with a few words of - lets not call it a "praise kink," isn't the love language term Words of Affirmation? - now Aziraphale is not reporting to Heaven, Beelzebub hasn't. Well, Demon Josh really isn't the appropriate person to be delivering that, anyway! And part of the problem lies with the next item to be discussed. I'm wondering if Gabriel is going to need to a bit of work in that department.

We need to have a talk about the following exchange between Beelzebub and Shax towards the end of S2E4:

BEELZEBUB: Can you enter the bookshop, without permission? SHAX: Not technically, no. But give me a legion of Hell's finest troops and see what I can do. It's a chance I've been waiting for, Lord Beelzebub. To be clear, you are hereby authorizing me to storm the angel's bookshop, sending wave after wave of demons to besiege it until it falls and capture the Archangel, destroying anything and everything that stands in our way? BEELZEBUB: No. I am not authorizing you to do that. SHAX: Oh. BEELZEBUB: I am commanding you to do it. I want you there, Shax. On the ground. Bravely leading the attack into the bookshop, leading the army of the damned.

I've already mentioned that there is a bit of emphasis on the word "authorize" and "authority" in places in S2, and this is one of them. But here it has a particular context. You need to ask what the difference is between commanding someone and authorizing someone, and it turns out there is a significant difference in meaning. (No, it doesn't mean pulling out a hand-written permit from your back pocket ...)

An authorization is mere official permission for something, but a command is a directive that implies there is a hierarchy in place, and the one giving the command is the one in authority who expects compliance. This was Beelzebub reminding Shax where her place was.

Later, Aziraphale takes command of the bookshop...well, somebody has to. Or, if you don't agree its here, perhaps it will be in S3. He's definitely not at the top of either hierarchy here but this is his domain.

I think I will wrap up this meta with one last example - the two parallels reaching out for their significant others.

There are probably a few more examples that could be discussed, if enough come up in discussion I'll do another post. Otherwise, I hope you enjoyed this look from a different angel - er, angle.

"Enemies, as well as lovers, come to resemble each other over a period of time." - Sydney J. Harris

*There have a been comments lately on other posts linking Nanny Ashtoresh's name with the ancient goddess Astarte, a goddess of both Love and War, amongst other things.

This meta is part of a series on Gabriel

Gabriel as a Shoulder Angel: S1 Study

S2 Study Part 1: Ep.1 The Arrival and Ep. 2 The Clue

S2 Study Part 2: Ep.3 I Know Where I'm Going and Ep. 5 The Ball

S2 Study Part 3: Ep.6 Every Day

First-Order Archangels Part 1: Maybe You'll See An Archangel

First-Order Archangels Part 3: Seeing Eye to Eye

[t4tpumpkinduo]

OK not to be guy who's once again annoying abt lore and fanon misinterpretations but. ok v mild nsfw warning under the cut. it's just a critique of a very popular fanon ctnt dynamic that pisses me oawf so bad and i don't want to be misinterpreted in the process of critiquing it. ok.

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y'know how i always complain abt like...how cq is v susceptible to being reduced to a "hot dom role" so much?

the thing is. i actually do think he is largely a top. a lot of his character straight up lines up w it. he's a pouncer, he's eager to please, he likes indulging his partners that's just like. true. that's not the probble, however. 🤚 it's how it's being talked about, WHO it's being done by, and WHY. things of that nature.

first off, cq isn't like. a violent guy in the specific way fanon tends to portray him as.

the thing is. he's Ruthless. he's more than willing to take drastic measure, but outside of those situations, it's mostly just mc mechanics? he swats people playfully, he chases people w axes, but none of it is ever treated in any kind of different way, and especially not in a way unique to him. many, if not most, other characters do this as well, to him, to eachother. everyone on the dsmp is kind of annoying, and most enjoy a little minecraft coded rough housing, but to code it a certain way, towards THIS character, especially in lnv where he's explicitly trying to come across as more perfessional, and therefore ditching most of that rough housing and the inherent playfulness that it holds...

if you turn this specifically brown character into a domineering hair trigger physically violent freak at the expense of explicitly shown and stated character traits of his... all in service of sm white guy getting off about it.... do you like get what i'm saying....

another point i must mention: the fundimental misunderstanding sm ppl have abt las nevadas in the first place.

q is like 😭. not having a good time there. las nevadas in the first place, while objectively a labor of love, was also a gesture of desperation, same with him getting engaged to karlnap as quickly as he did. he wants to settle down w them as soon as possible so they won't leave him. that's what it is.👍 and then he gets left behind anyways. and with the compounding of everything, the gesture turns into a grave like immediately. it's shitty, it's bad, cq explicitly starts recreating the actions of actual shitheads (ctech cdrm), and ppl who warped his pov, even if unintentionally (cwilb cschlatt), because he doesn't know what else to do with himself. that's the reality.

but he also doesn't like doing it. 👍 that's the reality too, that's the wholeee. fucking point. he doesn't LIKE torturing dream, he doesn't LIKE manipulating people to the extent he does, he doesn't LIKE being alone and isolated. and while there are parts where he does find a twisted senses of catharsis about things sometimes, being the wielder for once instead of the guy being attacked like. it's still cornered prey animal trying to kill you swag. and the reason he's even be able to be pushed that far in the first place. is because he wants to and is actively planning on killing himself. legacy this, i won't be around long anyways. she sunk on my cost, this is all i have left to try, what's one more repulsive thing. my final stand.

so to then frame all this as like. actually super hot and super cool and. uuwgrurgrurgrueuURGRURYRGH. ok. hold on.

to make it abundantly clear: I DO NOT THINK CSCHLATT IS AN ABUSER. 👍 i never will. he narratively is not. he's an asshole, sure, and makes some terrible mistakes but. it's very very much not some unique evil. everyone on this server is an asshole. he wasn't an abuser to the cabinet, and especially not to cquackity.

i think to interpret this addict character, who has over and over shown to be sympathetic and more complex that ppl want to engage with, is still liked and vitally important to sm other characters, doesn't lay his hands on ppl in any way different than others do, as being a behind the scenes violent disgusting freak abuser is reductive and shitty and. bad. (and ableist. but yk.)

and even if somehow you want to interpret him as something else, despite the everything in the show telling you it's not true, you don't get to then turn around and make hypocritical handwavey arguments for cwilb when he and cschlatt are the exact same. they are direct narrative parallels, unignorably so. the pit = the festival. they're both deeply paranoid, deeply suicidal people who were genuinely psychotic for most of their worse actions, and if you can understand that cwilb doesn't deserve condemnation bcs of being put in a shitty situation and lashing out about it then you can very easily understand the same for cschlatt. 👍

i bring both of these points up to make my next point even clearer. cschlatt is *not* an abuser, but many ctntduoers are more than willing and happy to interpret him that way. and it's 👍 uhm. well. to layer on that point of lnv and its direct ties to self harm.

i like. very often see not only the complete dismissal of cq's issues with that. and. ugh. if you somehow see cschlatt as abusive. if you can get that cq's replication of behaviors in lnv are self destruction he doesn't actually like in pursuit of being "enough." why do i so so so often see. him replicating behaviors you're interpreting as abusive. specifically to get this white guy off. in his self harm context. completely uncritically. do i really need to explain. why that's not like. cool. lmao.

and even under the benefit of the doubt, the thing is, i never see exploration for it. i never see anything about how doing something like that would affect cq, how his mindset would lend to things, what he feels or thinks. there's no "reclamation", no restitution, there's no thought to him at all. this character who had direct issues with hating being treated like an object if he doesn't ask for it, being treated like an object. but don't worry guys it's actually ok this time. because i get to see my blorbo on the ground at the expense of everything this character stands for. i won't unpack the like obvious glaring bigotry rotting it's way through everything abt it too btw dw abt it dw abt it. it's fine lol.

idk. i hope i'm making sense, that i am explaining clearly and thoroughly enough. it's just so. tiring and deeply alienating and frustrating, and the absolute insistence to reduce poc to nothing but violent sex object caretakers and extentions to white characters is sooo i need to rip my hair out core. and to reiterate, i do think cq is largely a top, i don't think there's anything wrong writing certain dynamics or whatever the hell, it doesn't have to be a big deal. but can we. for once. with the brains that we have. try to think abt how things come across sometimes maybe. thanks.

[writeradamanteve]

Lockwood & Co Book Thoughts

Can’t believe it’s over. I’ve finished all 5 books and the short story, and wishing there was more.

I can’t even begin to describe how amazing that series was, how perfectly everything in the story fit, and how masterfully handled all the relationships were.

Reader, take a seat as I am about to ramble.

And also, SPOILERS GALORE from this point on.

Lockwood & Lucy

Lockwood and Lucy were fantastic, and truly, to anyone who ever considered their relationship “subtle”, they must have been reading different books. Sure, they didn’t get to snog, but it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what hadn’t been written. After turning that last page, I know what came next. They are truly, undoubtedly, I’ll-stake-my-mother’s-life-on-it in love. They love one another so much. Lockwood would give his life for Lucy (he truly was GONNA), and Lucy WOULDN’T LET HIM.

It’s not even about the jewelry Lockwood gave Lucy, either, though that is a pretty good indicator, but it’s all the things he says and does. It’s the way he looks at her, turns to her, is vulnerable with her. Lockwood and Lucy almost talk with their eyes. He knows her more than anyone else, simply from his proximity and his observations of her. I can go on and on about his heart eyes and his need for her approval (in this, we know Lucy does the same to him), so

I will.

First of all, Lockwood does consider Lucy attractive. Lucy doesn’t like the way she looks, but that’s just regular self-consciousness, which we all have in spades, no matter how amazing our own better qualities are. Lockwood so easily complimented the way she looked when she got dressed up for the Fittes’ ball. He never criticized the way she looked or dressed, and while he had occasionally mentioned the size of her body, which Lucy’s self-consciousness interpreted as being a criticism, it was never about that with Lockwood. Lockwood’s mention of her body-type has everything to do with what it was capable of, of its strength, even its athleticism. Lockwood absolutely likes how Lucy can brawl with the best of them. Absolutely. He never treated Lucy like a frail flower until he actually saw her bleeding, which is truly a testament to how he respected her physical abilities. He’s a little more careful with her psychic abilities, but that’s a whole different discussion.

The point is, Lockwood always liked the way Lucy looked. She is his type. There were clearly several, more attractive people around them, Holly being the most beautiful of them all, with a really lovely personality, but Lockwood’s eyes NEVER strayed. Never. He took care of Holly, but there wasn’t an indication of Lockwood ever being vulnerable with her as he was with Lucy. We know this because it’s one of the things Holly indicated to Lucy after Lucy’s months-long absence—that she couldn’t crack the boys the way she knew Lucy did, and she was hoping Lucy can give her tips. Lockwood is a caretaker, and he takes care of those who thinks need protecting. When Holly first started, she was rusty on the field and Lockwood knew it. He was their leader and he felt responsible for all of them. He knew Lucy could handle herself and Holly couldn’t. Towards the end of the series, as Holly got more experience on the field, Lockwood looked out for her less. Lucy was always Lockwood’s second on the field. George’s seniority gave him second chair in the agency, but it was Lucy Lockwood depended on when they were fighting side-by-side. He always trusted that she could watch his back.

They were perfect partners on the field. He alludes constantly to how well they work together, how he missed her when she left them for a few months after The Hollow Boy, how she has her own mind, that he is always thinking about her, how he trusts that she would always have his back. That last part always bowls me over, because Lockwood would always tell Lucy to let him go alone, and she never listens, and he just knows she wouldn’t, so ordering her to let him do something alone was almost perfunctory at a certain point. And of course we know that no matter how far Lucy runs away, no matter how forcefully she goes out and does things by herself, Lockwood would ALWAYS follow. He simply wasn’t going to let Lucy go off by herself, getting herself killed.

They complement each other perfectly, with Lockwood’s confidence, style, skill, and balls like dynamite, he is capable of doing the impossible, improbable, and lead armies into battle. And he is strong enough, good enough, to inspire Lucy’s loyalty and cooperation.

Lucy is A FORCE. She gets frightened and is aware of her limitations, but she will power through the fear and self-doubt, she will do what she has to do. She might not be the most graceful about it, but she will get things done. She will enforce. She will barrel through with whatever she can get her hands on—a 4x4, a hammer, a vase, her foot, her entire body, the forces of fucking physics. I pity the fool who dares to hurt Lockwood and George. The ones who dared threaten her other friends—Holly, Kipps, and even Skull. They will know Lucy Carlyle.

And then we get to the groveling, the way he did everything to get Lucy back to Lockwood & Co., back to 35 Portland Row. How after he had managed to talk he back into working with the agency, he kept reminding her how they had such a great partnership. We don’t get to see Lockwood like this until The Creeping Shadow (book 4), but we were treated to it so early on in the Netflix series. This is mainly because Lucy is more bedazzled by Lockwood’s charisma and confidence in the books. Netflix!Lucy is more disillusioned from the get-go from the things she’d already seen and experienced on her own, so it’s only natural that she is quicker on the uptake when she first walks into Portland Row, and how she more swiftly realizes Lockwood’s recklessness as early as the antique shop incident with the Winkmans. In the books, Lucy doesn’t become overly concerned by Lockwood’s tendency to forgo his safety to ensure hers until The Hollow Boy. It featured daily in her anxieties in The Creeping Shadow, and then she accepted it as fact in The Empty Grave, where she did everything she could to prevent him from sacrificing himself for her.

A lot of things happened in The Empty Grave, with the spectacular events of the Problem coming to a head. I don’t think I’ve ever loved a book ending as much as this. But as far as Lucy and Lockwood go, this was amazing.

It starts at The Creeping Shadow, for sure, but in The Empty Grave, Lockwood has stopped pretending that he wouldn’t always turn to Lucy first, that she and he share a special bond. Lucy says so—they are closer than ever. Lockwood takes time alone with her every chance he gets; Lucy seeks Lockwood when she doesn’t see him.

Lockwood was mesmerized by a ghost because it took Lucy’s form (by the way, I WANT TO SEE THIS SCENE IN NETFLIX. From the time Lockwood falls under the La Belle Dame’s spell to Lucy’s death-defying trapeze act to save his life), we know because HOLLY thought she saw Lucy, and we also know from previous male victims that the La Belle Dame’s ghost took the form of whomever her victim most desired. It’s what she did in life, so it’s what she does in death. With women, as was with Lucy, the La Belle Dame tapped into Lucy’s isolation and vulnerability—again, something the La Belle Dame understood when she was alive, as she seemed to take special disregard in the wives of the men she ensnared. Her manifestations between men and women as a ghost reflected how she impacted them in life.

And we all could see at this point how everyone else knew how Lockwood and Lucy felt about each other, probably since book 1, but it was only in The Creeping Shadow that Lockwood actually began to get obviously aware of it.

Jonathan Stroud likes to heavily imply things rather that put it out there. He does it with Flo and George, Holly and her roommate, and most distinctly with Lockwood and Lucy. I bet that if you asked Stroud outright whether Lucy and Lockwood ended up together, he would say, “Short of making them kiss on the page, I don’t think I could have been more obvious.”

Which brings me to the other characters in the books.

George Cubbins (aka George Karim)

George’s value to Lockwood & Co. cannot be overstressed. He is the reason they actually had purpose to everything they did. They could not have defeated any of those ghosts without George, at least not without loss of life. It was George who inspires the most brilliant or/and most outrageous ideas, whether they came from Lockwood, Lucy, or George himself. He is some kind of eccentric Muse to Lockwood & Co.

I confess that my mind’s eye of George goes from Book!George to Netflix!George, depending on what he’s doing in the books as I read about him. When he is eating and inadvertently flashing his butt crack, I definitely imagine him as Book!George. When he is wild with research, teaming up with Flo, and when he got beat up, I am totally imagining Netflix!George.

Lucy is right in saying he was the best of them in the Netflix series. He is their constant, particularly in the books. He is the person they relied on to seek answers and they know that with him around, they would find a way through the seemingly impossible questions, which is why their entire world got upended when George got beat near to death. The fact that he couldn’t even be at the house did a number on them all. They couldn’t make heads or tails of anything without George, and in their helplessness, they did Research the only way they knew how—break into a library, steal Stuff, and blow the entire house down, bodies at their wake. George would never. At least not the exploding part.

In the books, George joined their caper in the Black Library, and he was exceptionally bad at it, getting stuck under a shelf or table of some sort. In the Netflix series, they left him out, and rightfully so. It was not George’s thing to break things in a library, which is all Lucy and Lockwood did in them.

George incites Lockwood and Lucy’s most protective instincts, and when George got hurt, Lockwood and Lucy plotted revenge. They didn’t even argue about it. Lucy was, “I’m going to kill them all! I am SO GOING TO MAKE THEM SUFFER.” And Lockwood was like, “Yes. And. We’re going to steal that book back as we do it. And if we burn everything else down, so be it. Won’t be the first time.” No argument after that. They just agreed to do it like the maniacs they were.

It’s Protect George at All Costs. If anything happens to George, Lucy and Lockwood will burn down the entire world. Everyone knows this because everyone who was in on the plan accepted it as fact.

And Then of Course There’s Skull

I’m going to take a moment to appreciate the sheer skill in which Stroud wrote Skull as a character.

The book is so full of complex characters, but to write someone to be so despicable and yet have all of us rooting for the little fucker is a tremendous feat. And no, Skull is not like the Draco Malfoys and even the Jamie Tartts of fandom.

No. Let me explain.

Draco Malfoy was NOT a likeable character. Not in the slightest. Whatever redeeming qualities he had was plucked and cultivated by fandom. He became complex because the fandom examined Malfoy down to the threads of his expensive robes. It was fandom and fanfic who reshaped Malfoy’s post-HP character.

Jamie Tartt sucked at the beginning of Ted Lasso, but his character DID grow. He became a better person on the show. He redeemed himself like a decent human being, so he IS lovable. He’s pretty amazing and OF COURSE we’re rooting for him now. That’s pretty much the arc they wrote for him.

Skull is different in that he didn’t change one bit. Not a single bit. He was every bit as despicable from beginning to end, and yet his last final appearance in the book, he did save Lucy and Lockwood. Did he feel friendship? Maybe. But it never seemed like he did things for anyone other than himself, even if it looked like it did. Did he really do it for friendship? I think he did it for vanity. He wanted to show Ezekiel and Marissa that he wasn’t weak, that he was stronger than Ezekiel himself. A ghost having feelings seems far-fetched. He was an evil little thing in life and he wasn’t that much different in death, and we will never truly know why Skull saved them in the end, but if there was ever a person who can motivate a ghost to feel something, it would be Lucy.

I laughed when everyone else finally met Skull on the Other Side and they heard him speak. Lockwood immediately asked, “Is that how he always talks to you?” Like, of course Lockwood would be concerned, because Jesus Christ. Skull is just terrible and poor Lucy has to hear it all the time. Lockwood is understandably concerned.

Skull is just awful, and yet we all think he’s Lucy’s bff and some of us even believe Skull wants Lucy all to himself. I personally wanted him to survive that blast. I kept wishing Stroud would leave us with that.

What a fantastic character Skull is. (Why is it that all dudes with his character look like Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer?)

And it’s a little funny that Quill kind of gets him.

Quill Kipps

Where do I begin with this guy. He was a massive prick at the beginning of the series, for sure. He was worse in the books than he was on Netflix, for sure, but I always imagined Netflix!Quill as I read him. He is the Jamie Tartt of Lockwood & Co., the character that showed the most growth.

I was already sold on him because of the show, but I absolutely appreciated him fully in The Hollow Boy, when it became clear to me that all he really wanted was to keep all agents safe, to stop the madness of the Chelsea outbreak because it was costing lives. He just wanted to be useful again, and I can’t tell you how tickled I was by his unbridled enthusiasm when the glasses allowed him to see the ghosts again.

And then he was just part of Lockwood & Co. They call him a consultant, but that’s just a load of bullshit. He is as much Lockwood & Co. as Holly is. When they realized how badly injured he was, the sheer panic of everybody, scrambling desperately for materials that could staunch the bleeding, and finding the means to transport him through a throng of murderous people and ghosts. They can call it whatever they want, but they all, Lockwood included, loved Quill enough to fight for his life.

I was seriously ready to write a rant post if Quill had gotten killed. My relief when he survived was the same as Lucy’s and the same as Lockwood’s (happy enough to hug him and worried enough to ask after him at the hospital).

I don’t think Quill ever lost his edge (aka His knee-jerk skepticism of Lockwood and his exasperation of George’s sagging pants), but he is completely trustworthy and brave.

Speaking of complex characters—

Holly Munro and Lucy Carlyle

I wanted to give Holly her own section, but so much of what I know of Holly stems from her relationship with Lucy.

As a character, I think she is the reason Lockwood & Co. are thriving. She knows exactly how to handle the clients they don’t need and she understands Lockwood’s goals well enough to book the clients that were worth the trouble. And it wasn’t always about the money and fame. Holly had a keen eye, not just for what Lockwood wanted, but also for what Lucy and George might enjoy. She is a true professional, and she is the magical, caring assistant that any organization could hope for.

Orderly, efficient, unafraid of offending important people because she had the looks and the smarts not to offend. The way Lucy described her, petals may as well float to the ground she walks on. Holly was beautiful, smart, classy, and the picture of poise. She could have fallen down a trash chute and she’d be dirty only in the right places. She could be covered in sludge and still look amazing. She cleaned, she catalogued, she was on top of things, and her fashion sense was impeccable. In short, Holly played on every insecurity Lucy had and Holly wasn’t even trying to do any of that.

We only come to find out at the end of The Hollow Boy that Lucy played into Holly’s insecurities, too, and it was Lucy’s own half-assed efforts to act like a mature adult that ended up grating at Holly’s generally sweet disposition.

I can tell that both Holly and Lucy made it work. So much hate is lobbed at Lucy for being thorny and irritable, but they were feeding each other’s contempt. Lucy seems more abrasive about it, but that is truly her way, unrefined by pleasantries and the more particular norms of decorum that tends to be easier for those in Holly’s social class. Lucy’s upbringing was less avocados and quinoa and more potatoes and gravy. Lucy did not have the money or the parental love to know the difference between “critical conversations” and unfiltered honesty, but she did know how to be polite enough, and both she and Holly were mature enough to deal with getting paired off during missions, at least until they decided to have it out at the end of The Hollow Boy.

In spite of all that, Holly and Lucy was keenly aware of the other’s gifts. They knew they had issues and they both did their best to work together, and just when they got to a place where they can be friends, Lucy pulls the rug from under them and leaves. Everyone is convinced it’s about Holly, but of course everyone is wrong.

At the end, Lucy and Holly came to appreciate one another. So much so that Lucy didn’t so much as blink at the suggestion of Holly moving into 35 Portland Row.

I wish there were more books. I wish Netflix would keep making new seasons.

I could not get enough, and I suppose all there is to do now is write fanfic.

[truly-twirls]

among the stars - c. beomgyu

Word Count: 1,437

Warnings: Reader is in a depressive episode, toxic behaviors, slight food mention

Characters: Choi Beomgyu

Genre: Hurt/Comfort (Reversed but reader is also comforted)

AO3 Link

Tags: @beomqutie

🌱🌱🌱

“You fell asleep with the TV on again.”

“And what about it? You would’ve still fallen asleep.”

So this is how tonight’s gonna go… dammit.

“Y/N, wouldn’t it be easier to just.. let me be here?”

Your vision was a bit blurred from the blankets and dried tears, but you could still make out the figure of your boyfriend sitting in front of you. You could see his eyes, and what was behind them.

Annoyance.

Truly, it was mostly worry that filled Beomgyu’s eyes, but the slightest tinge of annoyance was present and that was all you could see.

He was sick of this. Of course he was. You’ve been glued to this couch for the past day and a half, only getting up to use the restroom. Food? No. Shower? No. Water? Only because Beomgyu brings you a water bottle every now and then.

To be fair though, you slowly fell into this state over the course of two weeks. So at the very least, the switch was such a shock to you.

Nor to your boyfriend.

“Baby, I’m trying my best for you here, the least you could do is tell me what’s on your mind, yeah?”

Even that’s too much for you right now. No one asked him to stick around, you definitely haven’t. Why would he put himself through this? Does he pity you that much?

“Then leave. I never asked you to bother with this sack of shit. Door’s right over there, Gyu.” 

You didn’t dare meet his eyes as these sour words left your chapped lips.

“I never asked you to deal with how hard it’s been for us because of promotions, tours, late night practices, performances, have I? Why do you stay if I never asked you to?”

Your tongue felt knotted, blocking thoughts from becoming words with each breath. You know the answer, but for it to be reciprocated felt nearly– no, entirely impossible.

“I care about you, Gyu, I truly do. I love you, but this is different.”

“How is it different?”

“You’re out working on your career, making the most out of what’s being given to you, and here I am, rotting into this lump of leather. Tell me how us two compare to each other, it must be exhausting for you to waste any of the energy that you have at the end of the day when dealing with me.”

There was silence for a few moments as the man in front of you allowed your words, and his anguish, settle in.

“...What have I done to make you feel like this?” Beomgyu was fighting tears, but you didn’t notice. You still were focused on the wooden floorboards where your nearly empty water bottle sat.

“You must be feeling so over it. Over me. I was fine a while ago, but here I am again. Disgusting, not knowing what to feel other than hopeless. Not really sure about what. And everytime you see me on this damn couch, you have got to be annoyed. I know that I sure as hell would be if I saw myself fall into the same spot over and over again. Hell, I am fucking tired of this. So, I truly don’t understand why you’re still here, can you please just–”

“Please don’t finish that sentence.”

You wanted to oppose your boyfriend’s words, but a small hiccup made your head involuntarily jerk towards Beomgyu’s face.

He was crying. You made him cry. 

He wiped his cheek with the sleeve of his blue hoodie, letting out a dry chuckle, “I’m gonna be honest, that was a little mean, Y/N. I wish you wouldn’t see me like that.”

It was like a bucket of ice water was hurled at you, a breath of fresh air being sucked into your lungs. The weight of your epiphany almost made you collapse onto your tear-stained pillow.

Mean. That’s how your view of Beomgyu is being interpreted. Someone who’s so cruel and lacking sympathy when seeing their partner doesn’t bring them worry nor the desire to stick by their side. But rather it brings upon waves of disgust and resentment. Was that how you thought of Beomgyu as a boyfriend? As a person? 

No. Absolutely not. Quite the opposite, in fact. You’ve never met someone as patient as Beomgyu, someone who would drop everything they were doing to simply listen to your word vomit for thirty minutes, someone who was willing to understand your state of mind and navigate such treacherous waters.

He was the most amazing person you’ve had the joy of meeting. 

And you made him think otherwise.

“Oh Gyu… No. No, no, no, no.”

You felt your limbs surge with newfound energy to slide off the couch and reach towards Beomgyu, who kept a solemn expression.

“I’m sorry. I truly am, from the bottom of my heart. You didn’t deserve that, you’ve been doing everything you could, I’m so grateful baby..”

“Then why do you refuse me? You almost shun me from this place whenever you feel like this. I want to be next to you through anything the world or the mind may throw at us.”

“It’s hard for me to accept the fact that I actually have support, I guess.. It’s not just me by myself this time..”

“And it’s never gonna be just you. We can rot on this couch together.”

You chuckled, knowing that’s not really what either of you want. “I think the ground will suffice for now.” You placed a chaste kiss on Beomgyu’s cheek and rubbed his back.

“I don’t see you like that. I never have, but I am scared that one day you might. But you never disappointed me, you have never hurt me, you never not cared for me. Gyu, my heart will be yours as long as I’m still remembered.”

You took a deep breath to calm your nerves as you began again, “I’m going to trust you won’t ruin it.”

He stared at you in awe, not only from admiration at how well you were able to articulate yourself finally after nearly a week of not being able to do so, but also from how thankful to hear such a confession. He knew how difficult it’s been for you to fully trust someone with your endearments, and to be that someone? His heart was soaring among the clouds and stars.

“Y/N, I’ll protect your heart with everything I have. I only ask for one thing.”

As sweet as the reconciliation was, Beomgyu was still hurt from the words earlier, rightfully so.

“Please don’t take your emotions out on me. I don’t want to become your go-to release. I want you to be able to talk to me but not yell. Promise me that we’ll learn how to talk these types of things out?”

You nodded along as he spoke, truly reflecting on what he was saying and brainstorming ways to be able to prevent such conflicts. You had work to do, and you wanted to be the best partner and person for Beomgyu you can be. And honestly…

You wanted to be the best person for yourself too.

“I promise, Gyu.” You pressed tiny kisses along the palm of his left hand.

Giggles invaded the room as he leaned towards your face and pressed several kisses on your face in return. Soft embraces as the two bodies fell over as you relished in each other’s comfort. You wiped any remaining tears from your boyfriend’s cheeks and kissed him once more.

“I love you so much.”

“And I love you so much more.”

- Two months later -

The two of you sat on a bench at a park near your apartment, the weather was chilly and the moon was shimmering in brilliance. You had just come back from a celebratory dinner with your coworkers after receiving a promotion, and Beomgyu had recently been given a week long vacation after a successful comeback. 

Your head found its place on your boyfriend’s shoulder, you mindlessly twirled the ring that had recently met your left finger. A promise ring. You still haven’t wrapped your head around the fact that after such a long line of heartbreaks and hurt, you had found someone who would become the support to your foundation, and to be there when there’s some instability.

You looked up at the night sky and learned that even in the light-polluted city of Seoul, among the stars there was always one being who’s spirit never diminished when you look at it.

And he was sitting right next to you, nodding off into a sweet slumber.

🌱🌱🌱

[lawlietscaramels]

can iii.. be 🗯 anon?

strange request! but what about going thrifting with light? like his partner is a little less than rich, and they drag light along one of their thrifting trips. gn!reader please

(definitely NOT based on the fact i finally went thrifting again.. trust.)

Thrifting ╾ Light

You can ofc be 🗯️ anon! I was struggling a little with the "little less than rich," whether to interpret it as "few cents to spare" or "almost a millionaire"- I find this stuff difficult online- so I kinda didn't talk about reader's financial situation.

I do default to a gn reader for future reference, though I may accidentally include things more relatable to my experience of gender. I do proofread, so hopefully I avoid this usually!

　★━━─・‥…━━━☆

Light's really busy, honestly. He has to spend time being Kira, time placating Misa, time working at the Task Force, and already a lot of time with you.

Light likes that last one the most, but that doesn't mean he can spare enough time for a long trip, thrifting or otherwise.

But if he does have time, he'd be happy enough to come along if you wanted!

No need to drag him, Y/N...

I don't think Light has ever been thrifting himself. Actually I don't think he really buys much in general. Grocery shopping, occasionally new clothes.. I dunno I don't think Light buys a lot. Or maybe he does buy a fair bit, but it's all stuff he needs and uses... hm.

Anyway!

This whole thrifting thing is pretty new to him.

It does make sense to save money and participate in a circular economy, but he's surprised if you mention how fun it is to find surprising and unique little items. The hunt is not something Light gets until he thinks it over for a while.

And then he decides it sounds quite fun!

Light would probably try to trail you for a little while before wandering off to discover little treasures of him own.

"Hey, what do you think of this?" he asks every few minutes, about a suit with a polkadot pattern or a now out of print book or a statue of a garden elf. Grin and laugh and he'll smile back, happy to have participated in this thrifting trip of yours and found something interesting himself.

Light is also pleasantly surprised by the price at the end!

I think he's probably middle class or maybe upper middle class but there's no point in spending more than necessary.

That said, Light would probably still buy clothes at more retail chains, it's better for him to blend in and be relatable and likeable (he's so psychopath-core) and he doesn't like the idea of sharing pants with someone else. He's not a germophobe like L, but he smelt and saw some funny things on the clothes in the store...

Even so, he'd happily join you on thrifting trips in the future! Light does enjoy it, though he may not make the choice to go himself.

(he left with three bags full of Stuff.)

　★━━─・‥…━━━☆

𝖎𝖋 𝖞𝖔𝖚 𝖑𝖎𝖐𝖊𝖉 𝖎𝖙 ˏˋ⋆˖⁺˖⁀➷ 𝖕𝖑𝖊𝖆𝖘𝖊 𝖗𝖊𝖇𝖑𝖔𝖌 + 𝖋𝖔𝖑𝖑𝖔𝖜

©lawlietscaramels. Do not repost on other sites, claim as your own work, edit, rewrite or “fix,” feed to AI or otherwise use unethically.

[ineadhyn]

Astarion and polyamory

So I was thinking about Astarions reaction when you romance both him and Shadowheart and are forced to make a decision. Both of them are in general fine with an open relationship and/or polyamory and let you romance Halsin as well. But not with each other.

What Astarion says is : "Perhaps if Shadowheart had a bit more experience in these things ... Or if you two were not just starting out."

Later he can say: "Take it from someone with experience... Hearts are destined to break."

And in regards to Karlach he'll say: "Healthy relationships are not my expertise (or something similar)"

So, let me add my thoughts: The first sentence is exactly what I would say myself as someone with year long poly experience. Starting simultaneously with two partners is more difficult than adding someone to a stable established relationship. Also the first serious relationship to be poly right from the start can be difficult. The person doesn't know yet what they want and need from a partner, their love languages, time management, all that. It needs time to figure that out together. (Not saying it can't work. It can, but it needs more work and care and investment).

Shadowheart is incredibly inexperienced with relationships. She never had one like with Tav/Durge before, she says it herself. Not to mention a poly relationship that needs even more communication. Adding a highly traumatized Astarion into the mix who also needs a lot of attention and for whom figuring out what he wants and needs is a full time job ... It would be incredibly difficult to balance. And whilst saving the world and living on the road? Astarion is right about rather not risking it and one or all of you ending up with a broken heart.

In short: Dude knows his shit about polyamory.

It makes me think that he actually has experience with it. Like, he's not referring to seduction in the second quote about having experience, but to actual relationships.

I know people like to treat him like a young boy who never was with another person before being snatched by Cazador (over-exaggeraing here to make a point). Probably because it makes the story more dramatic. But *I* think this 39 year old elf has experience hiding somewhere in him. Half forgotten probably, because of trauma, but he sounds so much like he knows what he's talking about.

Astarion has had relationship(s), poly or open or something before Cazador. And I think they didn't end happy, because of quote 2 and 3.

Of course most relationships end and he's wise enough to not blame it on the poly aspect. He knows that can work for him and it's something he wants eventually - with the right partner who also wants that.

But he has not found his happy end before Tav/Durge. Wich is completely normal. Very little people will find their soulmate right away. Most of us have a backstory with heartbreak. And if you go through a few relationships you start questioning if it's actually worth it to get your heart broken again. That's what I read from quote 2.

About the toxic relationship part in quote 3: He could actually be self-aware enough to refer to his own manipulative behaviour. Or he has experienced it before. Because referring to Cazador or his victims as "unhealthy relationships" is unfitting on so many levels.

Résumé: Astarion has had relationships. Probably also poly or open ones. He has had bis heart broken before.

(He might also have been in unhealthy relationships, but that is left open for interpretation.)

[teaah-art]

Desi LGBT Fest 2023 (hosted by @desi-lgbt-fest)

Day 7 : Faith/Rituals of Love

Definitely geared heavily towards the 'Faith' part of this prompt as soon as I read it!

If being Queer is defying conventions and if being a part of the Queer community means going against heteronormativity and gender conformity, is it not Queer to forego materialistic ties and the love of a human partner and embrace the love of a greater being you have only heard about in stories?

All four individuals featured here were integral part of the Bhakti Movement and/or Sufism in South Asia. None were married other than Meerabai.

(Panel order from top to bottom)

Chaitanya Mahaprabhu (1486-1534) : A key name of the Bhakti Movement and the Gauriya Vaishnav tradition in 15th Century Bengal, Chaitanya Mahaprabhu was believed to have been a vessel for both Radha and Krishna. Bengali doesn't use pronouns or gendered language and we may never know what they would have preferred to be identified as in a language they didn't know (English), I will simply resort to using They/Them for them. Their written teachings are few and far between but the verse mentioned here is the seventh verse of the only written record of their teachings, the Shikshastakam - a collection of 8 total verses. The translation here is my own and quite literal so that the interpretation is left to the reader.

Meerabai (1498-1597) : [CW : IMPLIED QUEERPHOBIA/APHOBIA] Meerabai was born into Rajput royalty and was married off, also to Rajput royalty, in likely an arranged marriage. While most of the stories surrounding her are folklore whose historicity is yet to be confirmed, her marital status can be confirmed, and so can her devotion and affection for Krishna and the divine, which she has herself penned in numerous poems and songs. Folklore does strongly imply that she was non-committal to her marriage and that her in-laws tried to poison her to death multiple times for it.

Kabir (1398–1448 or 1440–1518) : Found as an orphan by a Muslim weaver couple, Kabir's religion grew to become somewhat of an enigma for future generations. His stance, however, on the topic romance and marital relationships is quite clear - he looked down upon them and a huge chunk of his couplets strongly imply that romantic and sexual relations simply obstruct spiritual enlightenment.

Bulleh Shah (1680-1757) : Bulleh Shah, though an ardent proponent of loving the divine, was declared a Kafir, a non-believer/non-Muslim by a quite a few Muslim clerics of the time. He was known for speaking up against existing power hierarchies of the time and used vernacular speech for his writings (Punjabi, Sindhi) which not only served to popularize his works, but also let people connect to his words.

A personal note on my motivations under the cut.

A while back when I was actively going through the anxiety of finding out that I am ace and that I will never fit into the current South Asian society that the wedding industry has a chokehold on, I desperately wanted to see people from my own culture living happily without a partner. During one of my history rabbit hole escapedes, I restumbled upon the story of Meerabai, how she always insisted on loving and devoting herself towards Krishna, despite being married into a normative and wealthy household and despite her in-laws repeatedly attempting to poison her for not committing to her husband. Most of us from India grow up hearing about Meerabai, her spiritual connections to Krishna, and her struggles. The moral of those stories is always framed as 'believe in god, he will help you through tough times'. But this was the first time I was making a different connection, I was drawing different morals. And when I took Meerabai's non-conformity to her married life and started looking for more examples like hers, I was overwhelmed by how many more individuals existed without a partner, condemned being in a normative, married relationship, admitted to having lost human connections and faced resistance even, and yet stayed true to their orientation and sounded HAPPY! It was extremely hard to narrow it down to these four, but these do make my point! Labels are hard to transpose across cultures and history. But if being queer means being nonconforming of marital structures and being aspec/arospec implies neutrality, indifference, or aversion to romance and intercourse, then no one fits the label if they don't.