#I could be at home

[fionaapplerocks]

Fiona Apple

[magpie-to-the-morning]

The Covid lockdown proved that nearly all office work can be done remotely, so now being made to be physically present is like “… really? We’re back to pretending this is necessary?” And it’s a lot harder to stomach.

[inbabylontheywept]

so once me and my wife were watching a documentary where a snake ate like a million eggs. that snake just went to fucking town on eggs. and the snake made the eggs look so good that i kept thinking about it, and thinking about it, and thinking about it, and eventually it was 11pm and i ran out of willpower and decided to eat one (1) singular raw egg just to prove to myself that the snake was surely a liar.

the snake was not a liar. texture is like, super important to me and raw eggs are very Texture so i had another one, and then another one, and then another one, and eventually i ran out of eggs.

i had like, fifteen raw eggs.

i didnt really know how to explain this momentary madness to my wife, so my Plan was to put all the eggshells into a grocey bag, and then throw that grocery bag in the dumpster, and if she never noticed that would be Excellent and if she noticed immediately i could lie and say that the eggs went bad.

except i cant lie very good, and of course with murphys law being such, i got salmonella.

so i threw up a lot and my wife asked me what poisoned me so and i tried very hard to dodge the question but i was oozing shame like oil from a room temperature cheese and eventaully i gave in and told her everything and to her enormous credit she was more flabbergasted than actually upset. she did make me promise to not eat any more raw eggs, which i have stuck to, and she gives me weird looks during nature documentaries now as if desire was the only thing keeping me from eating thousands of pounds of krill anyway i made a joke earlier about being able to eat my age in eggs and my sister in law in law made a drawing to comemorate the moment and also because it was my birthday. she's excellent. thank you 10000000% @cintailed. you should all visit her page and admire her work.

[retquits]

1.6 is coming—see you march 19th!!! 🥹🌱

[scullbagsandspoopy]

Absolutely hateful when I'm at work doing something I KNOW I could be doing from home

[malinaa]

if i think about the hunger games in peeta's perspective i WILL start sobbing

[heavenbarnes]

something something being the breadwinner in your relationship with older bf!simon because you love him and he deserves it.

his post-military allowance it pitiful (and you’ve already complained enough times to your local body that they have a picture of you behind reception) so you both agreed that your income can cover the two of you.

plus, he makes a really good house-husband.

he watches a lot of gordon ramsay on daytime tv so there’s always a beautiful meal waiting for you when you get home.

he’s mastered the fabric softener to detergent ratio and your clothes are always warm and pressed from the iron.

he keeps the carpet vacuumed and the high shelves dusted and the windows always sparkle in the sun.

you’ve even told him you expect nothing, that he’s spent a long and hard life fighting so he could spend all day sleeping and you’d just be happy he was safe.

but he says it’s how he enjoys spending his time.

replanting the garden or building you a little table so you can both enjoy coffee outside in the summer or fixing just about anything in the house giving you grief.

says he likes being useful, likes being needed by you.

“want t’show y’how much i ‘ppreciate you”

“simon, you know i don’t need-”

“let me take care’a you, sweet’art”

every night you come home to a warm meal and a warm lap to curl up in.

simon says he likes being needed- likes being used too.

“thas’ it, right on m’tongue”

warm mouth ready to be fed.

simon’s grateful, real grateful.

“mmm- y’so fucking good t’me, taste like it too”

[hansoeii]

let time pass.

[lazylittledragon]

the only thing scarier than vampire lords/mind flayers/death cults is meeting the in-laws

[syrren]

“The artist becomes the canvas!” - TMAGP 002: Making Adjustments

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

so how about that update, huh

[aalghul]

once again thinking about jason as duke’s robin. he’s ~4 years younger than jason, and that puts him at 8-12 during Jason’s time as robin. that’s prime time to get attached to your local kid vigilante before your own life goes downhill.

and if we try to keep duke’s meeting with bruce in zero year + duke’s age (so he can remember the meeting and hold that conversation with bruce), he has to be around 8. if he starts following batman through the news at that time because of the mess that just happened, the robin he sees is probably jason. I’ve literally connected the dots

[choccy-milky]

bloody beater seb🥴💞

[c-kiddo]

"RPF is fine" - jester lavorre, 835pd, inventing yaoi in exandria

bonus image :

[aromanticduck]

[shirojikimattari]

Yeah, Shadowheart worshipping Tav after a spiritual crisis is sweet but

Shadowheart being worshipped?

The only right way to love her.

[NSFW after cut]

///okay so obviously coloring iand writing spice not my strongest suit but it’s my first time making an NSFW webcomic please don’t attack me or I will withdraw back into m underground burrow deep in the marshlands.

For the uninitiated, Tav is a Selûnite Monk with the intelligence of potato given free will.