#I did hear of Bambi Lesbian and I think that might suit me best

[captain-daryn]

I love being single. I’m a single girl and happy to not have to check in with my partner when making plans. I like being independent. My whole life when growing up I never pictured a partner beside me. I’ve had actual dreams about my wedding day but never actually making it to the altar or seeing my partner in them. I’ve pictured my future and I’ve always been single and successful (by my standards). I’ve felt this way (and I guess known) since I was a child.

And idk if its just hormones or if I read too much romance (fan)fiction, but every once in a while I get a stabbing loneliness and want to be Physical with someone. I’ve never enjoyed kissing any of my partners in the past but I have the urge to kiss someone (and sometimes do more with them). I crave knowing what that spark feels like when you truly connect with someone. I want to experience that but it’s only in fleeting moments. And I have yet to get “butterflies in my tummy” and a sense of excitement when around someone I like. Instead it’s been more like snails and slugs when I think about being physical with someone (in some ways- at least ways that involve less clothing than are required to enter a grocery store).

Maybe I’m lesbian, so I have just been shopping in the wrong department. Kinda like going to a meat market as a vegetarian. Just haven’t found my flavor that I prefer (that sounded weird but I’m keeping it here). Maybe I really am Ace and will end up in a QPR one day. Idk who knows really?

The culture in my area REALLY presses for people to date, get married, and start having kids, even before you graduate college. So when I see a lot of the people I went to school with already married and several of them having started families now… it’s hard not to compare yourself and feel kinda alone. Maybe that is what is perpetuating my loneliness and desire to find a partner even though I’ve never planned to have one.

This was all over the place. Guess I’m kinda just screaming into the void here.