#whatever I am is definitely not straight

[captain-daryn]

I love being single. I’m a single girl and happy to not have to check in with my partner when making plans. I like being independent. My whole life when growing up I never pictured a partner beside me. I’ve had actual dreams about my wedding day but never actually making it to the altar or seeing my partner in them. I’ve pictured my future and I’ve always been single and successful (by my standards). I’ve felt this way (and I guess known) since I was a child.

And idk if its just hormones or if I read too much romance (fan)fiction, but every once in a while I get a stabbing loneliness and want to be Physical with someone. I’ve never enjoyed kissing any of my partners in the past but I have the urge to kiss someone (and sometimes do more with them). I crave knowing what that spark feels like when you truly connect with someone. I want to experience that but it’s only in fleeting moments. And I have yet to get “butterflies in my tummy” and a sense of excitement when around someone I like. Instead it’s been more like snails and slugs when I think about being physical with someone (in some ways- at least ways that involve less clothing than are required to enter a grocery store).

Maybe I’m lesbian, so I have just been shopping in the wrong department. Kinda like going to a meat market as a vegetarian. Just haven’t found my flavor that I prefer (that sounded weird but I’m keeping it here). Maybe I really am Ace and will end up in a QPR one day. Idk who knows really?

The culture in my area REALLY presses for people to date, get married, and start having kids, even before you graduate college. So when I see a lot of the people I went to school with already married and several of them having started families now… it’s hard not to compare yourself and feel kinda alone. Maybe that is what is perpetuating my loneliness and desire to find a partner even though I’ve never planned to have one.

This was all over the place. Guess I’m kinda just screaming into the void here.

[starry-mang0s]

More practice trying to get these human designs right. Idk about Scarab quite yet but I’m pretty happy with how Prismo turned out!

[torchickentacos]

i will always shout praises of bi4bi but given recent discourse I feel the need to say that I love bi4het too! I just love bisexuality in general in its many forms, and anyone who only likes it when it's 'queer enough' for them is biphobic. Bisexuals should be able to bring their LaMe CiShEt BoYfRiEnD to pride without being made to feel like spectators and outsiders to their own event.

[nientedal]

"Zira" "Azi" "Az" SIGHHHHHH

is anybody else irritated at the widespread fandom nicknaming of Aziraphale and fucking nobody else? is that just me? because it really feels like a "oooh [wince-hisses through teeth], no, that's too long and weird. that's too hard. i'm gonna call you This instead" situation, and i do not care for it. it pissed me off when i was writing good omens fanfic thirteen years ago and it pisses me off now. you care enough about everyone else to get their names right, all the unusual demon and angel monikers, but oh no, Aziraphale, oh that's ten whole letters, that's way too long. oh you're not gonna bother to type all that, no, his name is just Zira now.

and like, he's not real, so this super duper does not matter and isn't deeply and incredibly shitty the way it is when it's directed at real people. but it still rubs me the wrong way every time i see it. that's not his name! why is his name not good enough for you to take the time to type out the way you do for everyone else! ugh.

[mattodore]

the reason why i was offline for a day was bc i was in cas editing mattodore and messing with my cas bg, yeah, but also... i found another oc ask game that i liked the questions for so i started drafting theo and matthias's answers for them....... there's 100 questions this time so i've just been like this in google docs

[regenderate]

today's controversial take is that i honestly hate the disability pride flag. every time i see it i get mad

[amberrockstar]

vote before you read my tale(s) of woe, please. then, if my tale has now changed your answer for the future, let me know in the tags.

please re-blog because i want to pretend this is scientific.

tale of woe...two, really:

for most my life, afab people did not hit on me. at all. because i'm afab and arguably female-presenting, i assumed this was because i did not read as queer. (non-queer amab people did hit on me, so even before i had self-esteem, there was proof it wasn't about me being hideous.)

started wearing an autistic pride pendant (the rainbow infinity sign one). since most people don't know that's what it is, they just read it as "this person is gay." now, non-queer amab people don't hit on me. i get a little flirtation from afab people (i guess i'm not queer cute...haha! that's a lie. i am queer and would hit this, so.) i assume this means i do now read as queer but specifically as strictly wlw?

in both those stories, there is at least one time where someone i liked told me (once they were totally unavailable) that they would have hit on me but didn't think i swung their way.

anyway, looking at possibly buying myself some pride presents and suddenly thinking way too hard about the impact of the colours on my dating life. totally normal over here.

[sysig]

What a stellar event ☀️ (Patreon)

[persephoneflouwers]

-

[thetardisisnotourdivision]

I can't fucking believe that I procrastinated my gender for like. A good three years.

[adhd-merlin]

Thanks for the answer. This show is tiresome in its logic and narratives...I don't know why I'm still a fan. I want to yell at them. Please, help me get free.

it's okay anon, it's not that serious. don't think about it too much.

[radioconstructed]

// Al's the type of person to be like "what's a girl gotta do to get waterboarded around here?" (sexual) and then see Valentino and go "not YOU."

[dirt-str1der]

I literally had a dream about reading the worst fan fiction like fucking ever kiryu was just randomly a yandere and nishiki was trying his best to survive also kiryu turned into a dragon (deez nuts) halfway and let nishiki kill him for being a bad boy but he was so upset about having to kill his bro that he just lay in the corpse for a bit and thats when i decided to stop reading and i literally opened tumblr in my dream to complain about how bad it was like the writing went back and forth from being terrible to incredible and i found myself enjoying some parts and despising others. I skipped the first few chapters so i had to tab back out and read the summary like why are they in a beach resort and the summary didnt just tell me nothing but it was also double spaced between each line and very fucking irritating and while reading it i kept thinking this is extremely ooc and boring like they would not fucking say that

[britneyshakespeare]

i had a really weird interaction on youtube the other week. i commented on a short tv clip of someone gay doing something funny a few years ago and i said smth sweet and generic like “oh wow that’s cute i love him” and it became a top comment so sometimes i still get notifications of ppl liking or replying to it. 

but for some reason, you know how faceless people on the internet will say their most shallow and judgmental thoughts to a real person like it’s not the rudest thing you can do? yeah that happened. i had left the most impersonal, inoffensive comment in the world but someone responded to me “just admit you’re only entertained bc he’s obviously gay and you project your lack of a personality onto that”

and i was just like. honestly shocked. like what? you literally don’t know me at all. i didnt even say I WAS GAY in the comment or anything about being gay it was LITERALLY just a tv clip i thought was funny and cute. but this angry homophobe who clearly just hates to see queer ppl have fun and make jokes on the internet made it *my* problem...

and like first of all i don’t do that. i don’t just identify w everyone i come across who is queer and funny and root for them for that reason alone. the only person i project my lack of personality onto is dave davies... ok... chill out that’s not what i watch jeopardy for, that’s why i listen to the kinks

[sorrellegiance]

i DO LOVE A COCKROACH HEAD!!

[damiemontclair]

I am doing way too much grovelling lately, but the worst part is, it is entirely my own fault for not getting to this stuff sooner and I only have myself (and my adhd I guess) to blame for the current situation....