#I do want wwx to have a connection to his old home and to be able to be in LP again and visit jyl

[lemonlushff]

A-Yuan has a favorite scientist youtuber. He's fun and funny and makes science exciting. What he doesn't realize is that this youtuber and his baba share a past. At least not until his uncle gifts him con tickets to meet him in person.

(originally posted to twitter. Still being threaded there. Also being cleaned up on AO3)

LZ can hear A-Yuan on his laptop. Or more exactly - he can hear "WWX" on A-Yuan's laptop. A-Yuan isn't making any sound, aside from munching on a bowl of spicy crayfish potato chips.

He only buys them for A-Yuan, and only after a kid from school gave them to him.

'WOAH THAT'S SO COOL', he hears WWX say - his voice a little tinny through the old and small speakers. 'LET'S TRY IT AND SEE IF IT WORKS...Now kids, remember - if you're doing this at home, make sure you have an adult there to help you.'

LZ smiles, slicing through a napa cabbage

"What is WWX doing?"

"Borax crystals - it's an old video," A-Yuan explained. "I wanted to make some when Bofu comes for my birthday."

"You have discussed this with him already?" LZ replied, arching a brow. He's unsurprised that this is what A-Yuan wants to do for his birthday.

LH is always very accommodating of A-Yuan's desire to experiment. LZ doesn't mind, so long as his house remains intact. He's always preferred to be the one behind the camera documenting the process.

He's rather pleased, really, that A-Yuan shares such a deep connection with him.

A-Yuan had such a hard life, prior to his adoption - LZ would do anything for him.

"...No," A-Yuan smiled sheepishly. "I wanted to ask you first?"

"Is this you asking me?"

"...Yes?"

LZ pinned him with a look and A-Yuan straightened in his seat.

"Baba, may I make crystals with Bofu?"

"Mm...You may. Let me know what you need and I'll get it."

A-Yuan's shoulders visibly relaxed as he eagerly nodded yes, before grabbing another chip and popping it into his mouth.

He unpaused the video, and WWX's voice filled their kitchen as LZ returned to his cabbage.

This man's voice had become the backdrop of their lives - a soft yet vibrant sound that was always around.

The first time LZ had heard it, there was an air of familiarity to it that made his heart twist into a knot. It made him remember someone from his past. Someone with bright eyes and a brighter smile. It had taken a long time for him to convince himself that WWX was not WY.

After all, what were the odds? It was merely a coincidence. One in a million, at best.

His heart was just grasping straws against his better judgment.

'OK! Now it's time to wait...' the video continued, and LZ focused on tossing the cabbage into the pan.

LH was the one who had introduced A-Yuan to WWX, back when his adoption was still fresh. LZ hadn't approved of the computer use at the time, but LH had insisted that a little screen time wouldn't hurt anyone. And WWX was fun and educational. A Bill Nye for a new generation.

His steadfast insistence turned WWX into a them thing, curled up on the couch together until A-Yuan was old enough for LZ to allow him to use a computer without someone there.

Parental restrictions in place, of course.

'...And 24 hours later, you have this! WOAH!! It really works! Isn't that awesome?! Let's try it again with some food coloring!'

"Dinner will be ready soon," LZ reminded A-Yuan as the chip bag crinkled, tossing the stir fry he was making in the air.

The crinkling stopped.

"Is the video almost over?"

"Yeah, but I can finish it later," A-Yuan promised, pausing WWX midsentence to set the table.

"After homework."

"After homework," he agreed. "Can I call Bofu first?"

LZ already knew his brother would say yes, but that didn't matter.

This was a teaching moment, and LZ prided himself on those.

"Yes. Wash up - dinner is ready."

***

LZ was wiping down the counter when the doorbell rang.

*"Xiao Tuzi guaiguai, bamen er kai kai! Kuai dian er kai kai, wo yao jinlai!"

Ah. NMJ was here.

*"Good little rabbit, open the door. Open it quickly I want to come in!"

Part of a Chinese nursery rhymehttps://www.youtube.com/embed/Tkjs_O2Xj5U

"I'll get it!" A-Yuan announced, not quite running down the hall to the front door...but it was a close thing. "Bobo!"

"Xiao tuzi!" NMJ boisterously greeted, throwing A-Yuan over his shoulder as he entered. The house filled with A-Yuan's squeals of delight.

"Careful, Mingjue," LH cautioned, trailing after them with a wide grin on his face. "You'll never be forgiven if something happens to that boy..."

"Boy? What boy? There aren't any boys here - just my xiao tuzi!" NMJ corrected mischievously, earning a giggle from A-Yuan.

"Isn't he getting a bit too big to be your xiao tuzi?"

"Don't be ridiculous - so long as I can pick him up, he's my xiao tuzi."

"Given what you lift, I don't think he'll ever outgrow the name," LZ greeted, coming around the island to shake NMJ's free hand.

"Figured out my master plan, did you?" NMJ grinned cheekily.

"At least they don't play airplane anymore," LH chuckled, giving LZ's shoulders a squeeze.

"Mm...I was worried about holes in my ceiling for a long time," LZ agreed.

"I miss airplane," A-Yuan pouted.

"I bet I can still do it..."

It, being toss his son into the air like he weighed nothing. LZ had made him stop when A-Yuan turned 7 out of a fear of injury. He wasn't as small as he used to be, even if NMJ could deadlift 4 times A-Yuan's current weight.

"Perhaps we don't throw my son into the air like a stuffed animal?"

"Not a stuffed animal," NMJ corrected before spinning around in circles. "A xiao tuzi!"

Peels of A-Yuan's laughter bounced off the walls around them, and LZ snuck a glance at LH as NMJ ran with A-Yuan to throw him onto the couch and attack his sides with tickles.

LH's face was soft and filled with longing.

"He will make a good father," LZ commented quietly.

"One day...For now, he makes for a good uncle."

"Mm...A-Yuan is fortunate to have two good uncles in his life," LZ replied, and LH bumped his hip into LZ's.

"Do you need help in the kitchen?"

"Everything is prepared already," LZ replied with the shake of his head.

"I wanted those two to get out some of their energy first."

"Well. That could take some time...I suppose now would be a good time to talk about our present to him?"

LZ arched a brow inquisitively.

"There's this comic con coming up in a few weeks."

LZ's other brow arched.

"Did you buy him tickets to a comic con?"

"There's a science section," LH explained. "And they have a special guest. WWX."

Oh...A-Yuan would love that. Seeing his favorite youtuber in person was like a dream come true for him.

"That's very generous of yo—"

—The loud sound of NMJ blowing raspberries into A-Yuan's stomach, followed by squeals of delight interrupted LZ. LH released a deep exhale, and LZ squeezed his shoulder.

"Soon."

"Soon," LH agreed. "Water?"

"Of course."

LH followed LZ behind the island and accepted the glass LZ handed him.

"This comic con," LZ continued, picking up the thread. "When is it?"

"The weekend of the 29th. But Mingjue and I already discussed it and you don't need to go, if you don't want to."

They knew about LZ's great dislike of crowds.

"We're more than happy to, and I'd love to see this guy in person too," LH confessed.

"Mm..." LZ pondered, watching LH fill the glass with water. LH *should* be the one to go. WWX was his special thing with A-Yuan.

NMJ had sports and using him as a free weight.

LH had WWX...

...And he had him as a son.

"Take him," LZ decided, and LH paused, glass inches from his lips.

"Really? You don't mind?"

"You're Bofu. Of course I don't mind."

"Thank you, didi," LH replied, taking a sip of his water as A-Yuan escaped NMJ's clutches, barreling head-first into LH's side for protection.

"Bofu save me! Save me from Bobo!"

"Save you from Bobo?" LH echoed, a sly smile slowly spreading across his face. "But then who's going to save you from me?"

LZ watched as LH and NMJ chased A-Yuan around the room, a warm happiness curling in his stomach. The sound of his family's laughter filling the room.

He watched as NMJ cornered A-Yuan on one side of the couch, while LH took the other side, the two of them teaming up to stock A-Yuan like he was prey. A-Yuan knew there was no escape - it was hard not to. Still, he did his best to hide his smile, biting down on his lower lip.

He was going to go down fighting.

NMJ was the first to make a move, pouncing on A-Yuan and tackling him to the couch. He cradled his head and kept most of his body weight off of him, careful to not crush the boy.

Pinned to the couch, NMJ began blowing raspberries into his neck, while LH seized the opportunity to descend on A-Yuan and press kisses to his cheeks.

They *would* make such great parents one day. The two of them, working together to raise a child...He was...

LZ was envious.

The way they complimented each other. The way they worked as a team...The way they so clearly loved each other...He wanted that.

LZ loved his life, he did. A-Yuan was his light, and he had accepted that it would probably be just the two of them when he adopted him.

That didn't change the fact that there was a part of him - a very real part - that wished he had a partner in this.

Someone to help *him* chase his son around the couch. Someone to help *him* press his son down and cover him in kisses...Someone who would take care of his own needs as well. Emotionally.

...Physically.

LZ knew he was lonely (romantically). Sometimes, when his brother and his husband were around, he was just more sharply reminded of that.

It was fine though! He wouldn't trade this life - his happiness with his son - for anything...

And if someone wanted him, they would need to want them both. LZ turned away from the scene on the couch and busied himself with rooting through his fridge, taking out all of the vegetables he had sliced earlier for dinner. It would give him something to do.

Something else to focus on.

The laughter never died down. It filled the air all through dinner, carried in the edges of their voices and behind the words they said.

It made the food that much better, and the smiles that much wider.

"Mingjue," LH began once the plates were cleared. "Do you think we should perhaps give Xiao Tuzi his present?"

"Present? What present?" NMJ blinked innocently. "Were we supposed to bring a present?"

"Well, it *is* his birthday..."

A-Yuan was squirming in his seat, eyes darting back and forth between his uncles like he was watching the most fascinating tennis match, eager to know who would win - what the outcome would be.

"It is? I completely forgot! Xiao Tuzi, is it your birthday?"

A-Yuan vigorously nodded, "Yes, Bobo!"

"It is? That can't be right...didn't you just turn 9?"

"That was last year!"

"Are you telling me you're already 10?? A-Huan, are you hearing this? LZ, surely you got the dates wrong!"

"Mm. A-Yuan is telling the truth."

"10 years old...Well...I suppose he should have a gift, shouldn't he..." NMJ agreed, patting down his pockets. "I think I have something somewhere..."

LZ hid a smile behind his glass as NMJ took out a stick of gum from his pocket and handed it to A-Yuan.

"There! Happy birthday!" NMJ grinned widely. "It's from Bofu too, so don't rush through it."

"T-thank you, Bobo," A-Yuan replied, doing his best to look appreciative.

"Da-Ge," LH cautioned with a teasing smile.

"Alright, alright, I'll look again," he relented, "I may have something else in one of these pockets..."

"Perhaps the left one?" LH suggested in amusement, and NMJ shoved his large hand inside. The sound of paper crinkling made A-Yuan sit up straighter.

"Oh? What's this? I think LH may have been right! I think there might be something in here after all!"

A-Yuan's eyes went wide as NMJ pulled a bright red envelope out of his pocket.

"Now I wonder how that got in there!"

"A true mystery," LH agreed, as NMJ handed it to A-Yuan.

"Happy birthday, Xiao Tuzi."

LZ watched A-Yuan bow to both of his uncles before they urged him to open the envelope.

"Bobo...Bofu...Thank you..."

"You're welcome, Xiao Tuzi," NMJ grinned. "We thought you might like some spending money for the other part of your gift."

"The gum?" LZ asked, despite himself, earning a low baritone chuckle from NMJ.

"Something else," LH corrected with a slight shake of his head as he reached into his own pocket. "Happy birthday, A-Yuan."

It was another envelope in pale blue this time, and A-Yuan tilted his head curiously.

"Open it up," LH encouraged, and A-Yuan tilted his head to the side.

"Tickets?"

"To the Gusu Comic Con. We thought you might want to go. Keep reading," LH encouraged.

"...No way," came A-Yuan's whispered shock. "WWX is going to be there? I'm going to meet WWX?!"

"And get his autograph!"

"Bofu!" A-Yuan cried, leaping off his chair to run around the table and wrap his small arms around his uncle's neck. "Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou both!"

"You're welcome," LH replied into A-Yuan's hair as NMJ leaned down to join the group hug.

"Can I call Lan Jingyi?" A-Yuan asked when they broke apart, and LH gave him a little nod. "Go ahead."

"Thank you Bofu! Thank you Bobo!" A-Yuan exclaimed, running to his iPad in his room

"Well," NMJ began with a chuckle, running his fingers through his hair. "I think that gift was a success."

"Mm...It will be hard to top," LZ agreed. "Thank you - it made his night."

"Don't mention it, I'm glad we could do it. I just wish Huaisang would have told me he knew WWX sooner."

"NHS knows WWX?"

"I know right? I was surprised too," NMJ laughed. "My brother? Friends with the science guy? But apparently they've been tight for years."

"I didn't know that," LH blinked. "Ah...well. I suppose your brother has friends everywhere. How did they meet? I'm curious now."

"School? I think? He was a little vague on the details, but WWX is his internet name. Like a stage name."

A stage name.

WWX was a stage name.

"Really? How interesting...I wonder why..."

"Probably to keep people from finding him. But...I don't know, I feel like WWX is much easier to google than WY."

Loud ringing. There was a loud ringing sound filling the house. Or at least LZ's head.

"Did you," he swallowed. "Did you say WY?"

"Yeah...Why?"

All LZ could do was stare at his water and ignore the meaningful look from LH across the table.

"I should get the cake ready. Excuse me," LZ replied as LH placed a hand over NMJ's wrist.

"Was it something I said?" NMJ whispered (if you could call it that) to LH. "He looks..."

"I know," he heard LH reply. They weren't doing as good a job of staying quiet as they thought.

"I'll tell you in the car."

There was nothing to tell. WY was...A friend from his past. If he could even call him a friend. He wanted to. Or, had wanted to, at the time.

He'd wanted to call him more than a friend.

But right when LZ had worked up the nerve to do something about it, WY had moved, along with his siblings. It wouldn't have mattered. WY didn't see him that way. That's what LZ always told himself.

WY was a bright boy with a brighter smile, and he shared it with everyone.

He had the power to make you feel special to him, even if you weren't.

And LZ wasn't. He was just someone WY enjoyed to fluster. He flirted with everyone. LZ wasn't unique, in that regard.

Still, there had been a time when he'd hoped...That if he just asked...

"LJY is so jealous!" A-Yuan announced, putting an end to LZ's thoughts on the past. "He wants to meet WWX too!"

"Really? Well - maybe we can find a few more tickets," LH mused, and LZ nearly shoved his fist into the cake along with the candle. His brother knew what he was doing.

Taking a steadying breath, LZ replied as evenly as he could, "I'm sure LJY would appreciate that, brother. Who's ready for cake?"

***

LZ's phone chimed beside him in bed, and he flipped it over so it was face down against the mattress.

he knew what it was going to say. He didn't need to read it.

*"And as always, if you enjoyed this video, don't forget to like and subscribe. Now let's get started!"*

It shouldn't have surprised LZ, in retrospect. The signs were all there. The voice. The child-like antics. The jokes.

Maybe a part of him had always known and he just hadn’t wanted to face it. The real mystery was how he hasn’t seen WY until he looked for him in his videos.

Then again, that should have been obvious too.

Most of WYs videos were focused on his hands and the project. The introductions had him looking at the camera, but otherwise on screen appearances weren't a gaurentee…and he had never been the one actively watching WY’s videos.

LZ only listened to them in the background. A-Yuan and LH were the ones in front of the screen, and LH never knew what WY looked. He was already in college by the time LZ met WY.

LZ clicked onto the next video about magnets.

WY looked…

Good.

Older. No less handsome than the last time he had seen him.

His face was more angular, having lost the round softness of his youth. Otherwise, he was the same. Same laughing eyes. Same smile that made his heart skip a beat.

Shorter shoulder-length hair though. When he had last seen WY it brushed against his rather shapely bottom.

LZ could only assume that the change was due to either his chosen profession, or the desire to mix up his personal style.

He looked well, though. It was hard to stop scrolling through his videos now that he knew.

LZ's phone vibrated in a call pattern from its place on the bed.

He couldn’t avoid him forever, no matter how much he wanted to.

“Ge,” LZ greeted, picking up the phone.

“Didi…” LZ steeled himself. “Come to the con with us. We can get you a ticket.”

LZ inhaled, counted to 10, and exhaled.

“I think A-Yuan would enjoy himself more with you.”

“And I think you would enjoy yourself more if you came instead of moping around at home wondering what we're doing and if we've seen him yet.”

“I have plenty to do to keep myself occupied.” He didn’t mean for it to sound as petulant as it had.

“LZ…” LH sighed into the phone. “Meal prep for the week won’t distract you from thinking about WY. Wouldn’t you rather reconnect with him? Find out what he’s up to?”

‘Yes, yes, yes…’

His heart was a traitorous thing.

But…

“…What if he doesn’t want to see me?”

They hadn’t left things on bad terms but…it had been well over a decade - nearing two - since he had seen WY last. “What if he doesn’t even remember me?”

His soft confession perhaps bared more than he had been willing to show.

WY had been popular in high school - he knew so many people...who was to say he would even remember LZ? Especially now that he was internet famous. He didn't know if his heart could take it.

He could live with pretending their...acquaintance meant something to WY. Knowing what their...relationship had meant to him in actually, however, was a pain he wasn't sure he was prepared for.

"Oh...Didi..."

"It's been a long time, Ge. It's possible."

LH was silent for a long moment.

"It is," he finally agreed. "But...wouldn't you rather find out you're wrong than always wonder?"

He really hated his brother, sometimes.

It would gnaw at him and fester. Knowing he had been so close to WY again, and he had said no...

In time, it would crush him and they both knew it.

His heart was already betraying him.

Showing him a vision of standing in line, waiting for A-Yuan to meet WY...Then he would look up. Their eyes would catch. WY's bottom lip would drop ever so slightly in delight and surprise.

He could practically hear WY's high-pitched exclamation of "LZ!"

He released a long slow exhale, as butterflies fluttered their little wings in his stomach.

"...You said it was the weekend of the 29th?"

He could feel his brother's smugness from the other side of the phone.

***

LZ hated cons. He had hypothesized this prior to attending his first one. But now that he was here, he knew that he was right.

There were. *So* many people. The line to get in wrapped the block. And it was *loud*, as was expected when in a crowd.

Still, LZ has to admit there was magic here. He could feel the excitement in the air. The prickly hum of anticipation beneath his own skin.

He hadn’t stopped thinking about WWX in the last few weeks. Not since he learned who he was. He just hoped coming here wasn’t a mistake.

As the line slowly inched forward, LZ tried to do his best to distract himself. They played games. Made arrangements for dinner that night.

Still, it was hard when his heart kept beating “WY, WY, WY…”

When they finally made it past the first security checkpoint, LZ felt like he was about to vibrate out of his skin.

“So,” LH began innocently. “Where should we start? There’s a danmei panel that sounded rather interesting…or we could head down to the main hall and walk around. Check out WWX’s table times?”

He knew what he was doing.

LZ hoped he was pleased with himself.

“Perhaps A-Yuan should decide?” He was deflecting. He knew it. LH knew it.

It backfired.

“Can we walk around the hall first?”

“Yeah I want to see WWX!”

Children were terrors.

"A-Yuan and I have it all planned out," LJY continued, darting ahead of the group to lead them toward a pair of escalators. "We want to walk around for a bit and see WWX, then we want to go to the Star Trek panel, then the one with the guy who voices all those superheroes..."

LJY's voice faded as LZ stepped onto the escalator, and tried to ignore his suddenly very clammy palms.

It was fine. They were just going to walk past WY's table. There was no guarantee he was even going to be there.

He was nervous for nothing.

The hall was buzzing with life when they entered. The air was heavy with laughter and the music playing from different booths. LZ could smell popcorn and something fried coming from somewhere. It was an odd combination that vaguely reminded him of an amusement part.

Only he didn't find people dressed as a bottle of Ajax walking around saying "What's my name?" at the amusement park.

"Booth 395 is here, so that means...The autograph area is this way!" LH pointed, looking comparing their location to a map.

"He isn't in Science Valley?"

"Baba, he's a *celebrity*," explained, like it was obvious, and LZ realized it should be.

LZ knew that WY was internet famous, but somehow, hearing it so plainly made him feel off-kilter.

"Come on!" A-Yuan grabbed LZ's hand, pulling him forward, and LZ tried not to trip over his own feet as A-Yuan led him through the crowd - LH's amused chuckle trailing behind them as he watched over LJY.

LZ could barely hear it above the thundering in his chest.

He squeezed A-Yuan's hand tighter in his, telling himself it was so he wouldn't lose his son in the crowd. It wasn't a feeble attempt to calm himself in the slightest.

"LY, this way!" LJY called, grabbing A-Yuan's other hand and pulling them towards a corner in the back. "I see his table!"

"Is there anyone at it," LH asked as they approached, weaving their way past a group of storm troupers. "I can't tell - are all those people waiting in line to see him?"

There was a small crowd weaving it's way well into the aisle, all leading towards WY's booth.

"It looks like it," LZ agreed. There were a few people standing behind WY's table, but he wasn't among them. He couldn't decide if the feeling in his chest was relief or despair. "Perhaps we should come back later?"

"Hm..." LH mused, eyeing the line. "Or we could split up?"

"Never split the party!" a man wearing a gremlin mask and a black hoodie advised from behind them. "You never want to give the dungeon master the upper hand."

"Ah...Thank you for that advice," LH grinned. "We were just weighing our options."

"It's quite the line," the gremlin agreed. "Are you on a tight schedule?"

"We want to go to a Star Trek panel," LZ confirmed, trying to place why the gremlin seemed familiar.

"But we want to see WWX first!" A-Yuan interjected.

"You do?" the gremlin replied, shoving his hands into his back pockets. "Are you a fan?"

"Yes," A-Yuan nodded vigorously. "Bofu and I watch his videos all the time."

"Really? And is Bofu a fan?" the gremlin pressed, looking LZ in the eye with eyes that he thought he recognized.

"I am," LH replied, and the gremlin released a surprised sound.

"Really? And what about...Baba?" he asked, as if he weren't sure LZ was A-Yuan's father.

"I think WWX does the world a lot of good with his videos. I admire the way he's inspired my son to take an interest in the sciences over the years."

The gremlin squeaked and bashfully toed the ground with his shoe.

"Ah...Ha...You think so highly of him, huh?"

LZ could only nod.

"Well...it only makes sense that such esteemed, dedicated fans should get to meet him," the gremlin nodded. "Perhaps we should cut everyone in line then?"

"That doesn't seem very fair..."

"LY," LJY hissed.

"But...They were waiting for longer..."

"Ah! No...Your friend is right. It wouldn't be very fair to everyone else," the gremlin laughed, gently reprimanding himself.

"But it would be a shame for you to miss your panel. Alright...How about this..." he mused, tapping his chin through his mask. "What if we get dinner tonight instead?"

A-Yuan and LJY tilted their heads to the side in confusion as it hit LZ why the gremlin seemed so familiar.

"That is, if you have time for an old friend?"

"WY..."

The gremlin tilted his head back and laughed, the sound muffled slightly by the rubbery plastic mask.

"Ah...figured me out, did you?" he grinned, removing the mask. "Hello, LZ. It's been a while..."

"Baba...Baba it's him," A-Yuan whisper yelled, tugging on LZ's hand. His little eyes were round saucers as he gazed up at WY in disbelief.

WY just threw his head back, laughing and—oh...oh LZ's memories and WY's videos paled in comparison to the real thing.

"It is! I hope I didn't give you too much of a shock," he grinned, running his fingers through his hair to smooth the strands back into place after walking around with the mask on. "It's easier to go where I want with one of these on," he winked.

"Mm..." LZ swallowed, utterly captivated by WY's smile. "I can imagine..."

"Well? What do you say? Dinner? I'm sure I can move some things around!"

Could he handle dinner with WY? It had taken so much mental preparation just to work up the nerve to come today...And if he had plans...A selfish part wanted WY to cancel and spend time with them, but he also didn't want him bending over backwards to spend time with them either.

"Or lunch, if you already have plans?" WY rushed to suggest, as if he could sense LZ thinking about telling him no.

"Baba," A-Yuan whispered, tugging LZ's hand. "Please?"

"Please?" LJY joined, taking LZ's other hand. "We'll be so good!"

"Were you not going to be?" LH asked in amusement.

"We'll be even better!" LJY corrected, making LZ huff a small laugh.

"Aiyo! LZ! Was that a laugh? Do you still laugh the same? I need to know - I want to know everything you've been up to! You can't say no - we won't let you. I have a break around 1:30. Will that work with your schedule? Say you can meet me?"

"Please Baba?"

A-Yuan's voice was so small and filled with so much hope and longing. Regardless of his own nerves, he had to say yes.

For A-Yuan, if nothing else.

And if he was using his son as an excuse, that was his business and no one else's.

"Mm..." LZ relented, tilting his head. "We can meet you for lunch."

"Ah! That's great! Alright...lunch it is. Can you meet me here? Just come up to the booth! I'll tell security to let the most handsome man in the world pass with his son and brother and...nephew?"

LZ felt the tips of his ears burn bright red as LH replied "Distant cousin," on his behalf. Which he appreciated since he seemed to have lost his tongue.

"Right! I'll tell them to let the most handsome man in the world pass with his son and brother and distant cousin then."

"That would be appreciated - thank you for joining us! We are looking forward to it," LH smiled, still speaking on LZ's behalf. He could probably tell he needed the help.

"Ah," WY grinned, catching LZ's eye meaningfully. "Me too."

The panel passed by in a blur. If you asked LZ who spoke and what it was about, he wouldn’t be able to tell you. He wouldn’t be able to tell you where they went after or what they did.

All he could focus on was the erratic beating of his heart and the anticipation of getting lunch with WY.

WY…

He remembered him. He wanted to *see* him again and catch up.

He looked good. Better in person than in the videos. He had been so shocked when WY has removed the mask that he hadn’t been able to appreciate being with him in person.

All he was left with now was the fresh memory of his features tinted by surprise.

The bow of his mouth curving up in a delighted smile when he had agreed to lunch. The dancing light in his eyes…and LZ was going to see him again. They had *plans*. He’s be able to appreciate him better and not be overwhelmed by shock.

As bad as the anticipation from before had been - the not knowing if WY remembered him - it was even worse now that he had plans with him.

By the time 1:20 rolled around, he was practically vibrating out of his skin while leading them back towards WY’s booth.

"In a rush?" LH teased as they made their way across the main aisle, dodging past a wild group of pokemon.

"To be early is to be on time." One of the many principles they had been raised on as children by their shufu.

If they just so happened to be early to a lunch with WY...Well.

Was that really the worst thing in the world?

"Ah...Yes...Of course. My apologies," LH replied in that all knowing way of his that made LZ's ears heat.

He loved that his brother could read him like a book. He had never realized how much of a double-edged sword it could be until now.

If LZ had thought the line to see WY was bad before, it was worse now. It had only been a few hours, but somehow the line had doubled in size, splitting in half to continue on the other side of the aisle so people could still walk down the row.

Con Volunteers ushered a few people from line two into line one as WY waved goodbye to a few fans. It was interesting to watch them patrol the area like they were WY's personal body guards.

LZ he known WY was internet famous - of course he had.

It just didn't hit him until now exactly *how* famous he was. At least in this setting.

"Baba, can we go see WWX now?"

LZ glanced at his watch. 1:28. It was a little early still, but...It's what they had come here for. And WY had been talking to Mario and Peach for a while.

"Mm," he inclined his head, taking A-Yuan's hand and leading them around the thick crowd to come up the side.

A man wearing a black shirt with "SECURITY" written across his chest in thick block letters quickly cut in front of their path.

"Can I help you, sir?"

"We're here to see WWX."

"Of course," the man smiled, gesturing to the side in a way to draw his attention to the other side of the aisle. "The line starts back there."

"It does," LZ agreed. "However we're friends of his."

Friends.

The word still made him feel giddy. "He told us to meet him at the booth for his lunch break. He mentioned speaking with security to let us through?"

"No one told me anything about this. I'm sorry sir, but I'm going to need you to take your group to the back of the line."

LZ released a slow exhale. He didn't want to start a scene, but WY wanted to see them. His instructions had been pretty clear.

"Could you perhaps speak with someone? Perhaps another member of your team? Or tell WY that LZ is here?"

The man's face turned stony.

"Sir, as I said before - if you would like to see—"

"—LZ! Lan er gege!" WY called, waving his arms in large wide sweeps.

LZ wasn't a vindictive person, exactly, but he had to admit that there was a certain amount of warm satisfaction curling in his belly when he saw the shocked expression on the security man's face.

"LZ!" WY called. "Come here! I'm almost ready!"

"If you'll excuse us," LZ cooly smirked, trying to not feel too self-satisfied at the security guard's expression as they walked past him to WY.

"You see that man right there?" he heard WY tell Wonder Woman as she stepped up to the booth. "Isn't he so handsome? Can you believe he agreed to have lunch with me? Aiyo, you have no idea how hard it was to get him to say yes! You would think he didn't want to see me."

WY's over-dramatization made her blush as WY accepted her phone. "I—yeah!" It was sweet how her hands shook as she turned around for a selfie with him.

LZ watched WY wrap things up with Wonder Woman, talking with her about where she was from...how many siblings she had...and even graciously accepted a fan art she had drawn of him as a gift.

WY's world was drastically different from his.

He was grateful he could spare a moment away from the chaos for them - even if it was just one lunch.

“Have a great con!” WY waved as she left before turning the full force of his smile onto LZ. “Come back behind the booth - let’s leave this way!”

WY pushed the curtain back, holding it open for the small party to pass through before dropping it back into place. Hidden from the public’s prying eyes, he reached for the hem of his hoodie and lifted it.

LZ felt his breath catch in his throat as the hem of his T-shirt caught on the fabric of the hoodie, pulling up to expose the edge of a tattoo across his ribs. He wanted to ask WY what it was.

And if he could press his mouth against it to find out if it was a different texture.

WY balled his hoodie up and dropped to the floor to shove it into a gym bag.

"So how was that Star Trek panel?" WY asked, riffing through his bag for something.

"It was *so* cool," LJY burst, and soon he and A-Yuan were talking over each other as they told WY all about it.

"It sounds like you guys had a great time—Ah ha! here they are!" WY announced, pulling out a pair of oversized fake glasses with a giant nose and put them on. "What do you think? Totally inconspicuous right?"

It made both the boys giggle, and LZ couldn't help his own small smile.

"Mm...WY is a master of disguise."

"One might even say the grandmaster of disguise," he teased, waggling his eyebrows. "So...Where are we headed?"

***

They ended up at a little hot pot place 20 minutes from the convention center. They could have stayed closer - perhaps it made sense to, from a time standpoint - but WY could be recognized, and selfishly…LZ wanted him all to himself. No interruptions.

Or as to himself as he could get with two preteen boys, and his brother in tow. They had spent the whole lunch talking about science with WY.

“We want to cast animal tracks next,” A-Yuan told him.

“Then make a carbon sugar snake,” LJY nodded. “It’s so cool!”

“You just want to make things explode…”

“That’s because it’s *cool*!” LJY replied, his cheeks turning red.

“It is!” Wei Ying nodded, leaning forward to prop his chin up on an arm. “You know what really got me into science?”

The boys shook their heads, silent and wide-eyed.

“Baking soda volcanos. I made one for a science fair when I was your age and it was a *mess*. I added too much of everything and it went *everywhere*...and I wanted to do it again. So I did. And this time I went even *bigger* with it.”

The boys were hanging off of WY’s every word. It was precious. They had been the whole meal.

“How did you become a youtuber?” LZ found himself asking - perhaps the first question he’d had for WY since entering the restaurant.

“Oh…well…I was just messing around in college, filming experiments and documenting the results…And then one day I realized ‘oh wow, people actually kind of like me??’

and…I dunno…I just started focusing on that more. Especially when I realized that most of the people watching were kids in school. I decided I wanted to teach them something, you know?”

“Mm,” LZ nodded. “It’s very admirable.”

“Ah…Lan Zhaaan,” WY blushed, rubbing the back of his neck and glancing down at the table sheepishly. “You can’t say those things so sincerely! Don’t you know what it does to my poor fragile heart?”

No.

But he wanted to.

“Boys…Why don’t you come with me to the bathroom,” LH suggested, shooting LZ a knowing smile. It made him want to squirm in his seat.

“But—”

“—No buts. We should use the bathroom before we leave - it’s been a while and they’re cleaner here than at the con. You’ll thank me later when the line is wrapped around the side like it was earlier.”

“...Yes, Bofu,” A-Yuan deflated, taking LJY’s hand and following his uncle to the bathroom.

“He will make a good dad one day, won’t he?”

“Mm…A-Yuan is looking forward to having a niece or nephew.”

“And you? Aiya…I feel like I’ve been talking this whole time and haven’t been able to ask you anything. What a horrible friend I am…”

“WY is not horrible - you were indulging my family. I’m grateful for your generosity.”

“My generosity,” WY replied slowly, blinking at him.

“Offering to have lunch with us.”

“Oh…Oh that,” WY laughed, threading his fingers into the roots of his hair and shaking it.

“It was nothing, LZ. Selfish, really. I just wanted…” he trailed off, glancing down at the table and grabbing his water. He took several large gulps of it, and LZ watched the knot of WY's throat bob with each swallow, clenching his hands together to keep from doing something...

Foolish.

He couldn’t forget himself.

Pressing his teeth too it wouldn’t do him any good.

WY placed the glass back down onto the table, running his fingers up the side - dragging them through the beads of condensation on the sides. “I just wanted to catch up with an old friend,” WY finally said. “I guess that hasn’t really worked out, huh?”

LZ remained silent. He didn’t really care what the reason was, or what they were doing. He was just glad that he was able to see WY again.

“Well - I guess we have a few minutes before they get back for me to fix that, right? Tell me - how’s Mianmian?”

“MM?” LZ replied slowly, wondering why she would come up in conversation. “She is well. Pregnant again - motherhood looks good on her.” He just attended her baby shower the other week.

“Ah! That’s wonderful! How amazing! Truly…I couldn’t be happier,” WY swallowed. “Is it a boy or girl?”

“I don’t know - she wanted it to be a surprise,” he replied truthfully.

“That’s always fun. The mystery of it all. Maybe it will be a girl this time!”

She had a girl last time, and was hoping for a boy, not that she would be upset with another girl.

“Hey…Listen. This might be…Well…I have an idea…Since we couldn’t really talk and all…But. I’m going to be in town for a few more days after the Con. I was planning on checking out some old haunts and stuff. Would you maybe…”

WY rubbed the side of his nose, looking off to the side. “You don’t have to say yes but…Would you want to…Would A-Yuan want to help me record a video?” he asked hesitantly - like he was about to ask LZ something else, and changed his mind at the last second.

“Yes - he would love that.”

“Great! Cool! Wonderful! MM won’t mind, right? Maybe she can help!”

LZ blinked slowly.

“I can ask if she would like to come.”

He wasn’t sure why she would mind. She may be busy with the nursery though.

“Yeah! Great - Wonderful! Perfect! Ask! I’d love to see you again. If that’s. I mean. If you guys don’t mind…”

“WY,” LZ said in a way that made WY stop fidgeting in his chair and give LZ his full attention.”We would love to see you again.”

“Oh,” WY exhaled shakily. “Ok then. We should…You should give me your phone. So we can exchange info.”

It didn't take more than a few minutes for LZ to enter his number into WY's phone, and within seconds he was looking at a text from him.

He couldn't remember the last time he had felt so giddy.

"Come here, LZ. We should take a photo together! For contact pictures," WY decided, wrapping his arm around LZ's shoulders.

He felt himself stiffen as WY pressed against his side, tilting his head toward LZ's.

He smelled so good. Clean, but manly. He wanted to turn his head and press it into the crook of WY's neck.

"Ah...Sorry. I guess you still don't like to be touched."

"No," LZ rushed to say, forcing himself to relax. "You caught me by surprise. I don't mind you touching me."

"Really?" WY blinked in surprise, and LZ realized his mistake. "Well - maybe I should do it more then, hm?"

"Shameless," LZ blushed, the tips of his ears turning bright red. WY laughed and—

—Oh...Oh he really missed that sound...

"Always," he grinned cheekily. "Teasing a married man..."

Married man? Did he...

Did WY think...

MM...

"Smile for the camera, LZ!"

"WY," LZ said as WY snapped a picture. "I'm not—"

"Ah! No talking, you'll ruin the photos."

"But—"

"Just a second! Smile, ok?"

"I'm gay!" LZ blurted.

"Are we...Interrupting?" LH asked, holding A-Yuan and LJY's hands. LZ hadn't even noticed them return.

"Ah...Ha...No...sorry..." WY replied, pulling away from LZ and licking his lips. "We were just...You're gay?"

"Why don't we...go and ask for the check?" LH suggested.

"And a car," LZ nodded.

"And take your time," WY added, not looking away from LZ's face. It was like he was trying to puzzle LZ out.

"I'll call?"

"Or not," LZ replied.

"Why don't we meet you back at the Con?"

"Yes. That," WY agreed. "Best idea I heard all day. Truly brilliant, LH. Top marks. 10/10."

"Mm, Gege has always been wise."

"Bofu," A-Yuan whispered loudly. "What's going on?"

"Oh...Nothing..." LH replied, leading them out "You're just going to have some Bofu time for a while

"So..." WY began, once they had made it far enough away from the table.

"You're gay?"

"The last time I checked," LZ replied wryly.

"Yeah? And when was that?"

It was a risk, but...

"This morning, when I saw you again."

“Oh…” WY swallowed, wide-eyed. “Oh that’s…ok...yeah that’s great! Gay is wonderful. Fantastic. I’m also…Oh…Oh no…Does MM know? LZ…LZ you need to tell your wife!”

“My…wife…” LZ exhaled. Either WY was being intentionally obtuse, or he simply wasn’t grasping this. “WY,” LZ began again, “I adopted A-Yuan. By myself.”

“By yourself…” WY repeated slowly, blinking at LZ like he couldn’t grasp what he was telling him. “You’re a single father?”

Yes. He was.

“Mm.”

"Like...Single single?"

"WY..."

“I’m sorry but…” WY tilted his head to the side. “How? How are you single? I just…I’m sorry, I don’t understand…Do you not want…I just…Do you not want to be in a relationship? Did something happen to make you swear off men? Oh my god I’m being so rude...”

WY blustered, covering his face with his hands. “You can’t just ask people why they’re single. I just. I don’t understand. You’re so perfect…I don’t understand how someone hasn’t like, married you on the spot. How are you still on the market?

Unless you don’t want to be on the market. LZ. Lan Zhaaaaaaaan…Please say something and shut me up. I need you to say something or else I’m going to do something even stupider like ask you if I can change your relationship status—”

“—Yes.”

“...Yes?”

“Yes, you should personally change my relationship status.”

“Oh…Personally, huh?” WY replied, a smile slowly spreading across his face. “LZ…did you just ask me out?”

“I believe you asked first,” LZ pointed out, and WY buried his bright red face into his hands.

“Aiya…You can’t accept that as a real…” he mumbled into his palms, voice muffled. “LZ, it was horrible…You shouldn’t accept that! LZ! You deserve to be properly asked out!”

“Then you should do it. Properly this time.”

WY spread his fingers apart to peek up at him through the gaps.

“...Really? You want me to try again? But what if you say no? I have you committed right now, you know.”

“I’ll say yes again.”

A wide grin spread across his face as WY sat up. Hopeful silver eyes flit across his face as he bit his lip in an attempt to make his smile smaller. LZ wanted to smooth his thumb across it and tell WY that he shouldn’t ever feel like he couldn’t smile.

“Ok - there’s no taking it back now, LZ! You promised!”

“Mm.”

“Ok…Alright…Are you ready? You’re about to be wowed.”

“I am ready.”

“Are you sure? This is serious business you know.”

“It’s a good thing I’m serious, then.”

“LZ!! And people call *me* a flirt…”

“WY…”

“Alright, alright, alright,” he nodded, composing himself and taking a calming breath. “LZ…I’d like to take you to the movies, but they don’t let you bring in your own snacks…So…Want to Netflix and chill at my place instead?”

“WY…”

“Yes?”

“...That was terrible.”

“Ah - yes. But is it? Because I totally managed to slip calling you a snack in there, and you aren’t saying no…”

LZ blinked slowly at WY.

“Oh my god tell me you got that…”

“I did, but I did not think it warranted a response.”

WY burst out laughing.

“Ah…LZ…Way to let a guy down gently…”

“I don’t plan on doing anything gently,” LZ replied, taking a sip from his water as WY started sputtering and turned bright red.

Oh, this was going to be *fun*…

***

“Baba, I don’t want to be late!”

“We won’t be late,” LZ reassured, turning to look at his profile in the mirror.

LH had said causal. He hoped this was casual. It was just a cuffed pair of jeans and a white button down he’d rolled up past his elbows. He’d left a few of the top buttons undone and paired it with some white tennis shoes.

They were headed for a beach after all.

He had no idea what WY’s elephant toothpaste would entail, but comfortable shoes seemed like a safe bet.

A-Yuan shifted nervously on LZ’s bed, gnawing at his bottom lip. LZ wasn’t sure who was more excited about seeing WY again. Him or A-Yuan.

A-Yuan had positively lit up when LZ had told him that WY had invited him for a video, and LZ had plans with him alone after. It was going going to be a full day of WY.

He couldn’t wait.

He was glad LH had dragged him to the con. Even if he had been insufferable after.

LZ smoothed his hands over his jeans, wondering if they were perhaps a bit too tight. He used to love the way they hugged his ass and his thighs but he had switched up his workout routine and now they looked a bit...Like he had been poured into them.

"...Baba?" A-Yuan pressed again, fidgeting with the hem of his pants leg.

LZ glanced at the time and mentally winced. He was going to stick with these pants if they wanted to be there on time. He couldn't spend all day preening.

"I'm ready," he reassured A-Yuan, grabbing his watch from the nightstand. "Let's go."

***

It was a short drive to the beach, and a short walk to the shore. It's a beautiful day - the sun shimmered off the waves and every time LZ inhaled, his lungs filled with salty air.

The most beautiful part though, is WY.

He's already there when they arrive, and a part of LZ is surprised. He used to be late to everything in school. He doesn't want to read into him being here now.

When they arrive, he's sitting on a blanket, legs stretched out towards the ocean as he plays on his phone.

He's pulled his shoulder-length hair back so it's half up, and he's wearing a pair of jeans and a witty science shirt - "let's TaCo 'bout science", using the table of elements to spell out taco.

It's perfectly WY, and LZ loves it.

"WY!" A-Yuan calls as soon as he spots him, and LZ can tell he is barely restraining himself from running over.

WY glances up from his phone to the pair, a smile spreading across his face when his eyes meet A-Yuan...Then slips off his face when he sees LZ.

"Hey," WY greets when they get close enough and pushes himself to stand. "You're right on time! I wasn't too hard to find, was I?"

The beach is nearly deserted, due to the time of year and location. WY was very easy to spot.

"No, not at all," LZ reassured, and WY exhales, shoving his hands into his back pockets.

"Good! That's great! I was a bit worried about that...But I guess I should have been more worried about what you'd wear. LZ. *LZ.* What is this?" WY demanded, gesturing at LZ's outfit.

"Are you trying to distract me? Aiyo...You don't wear this to make elephant toothpaste! I need to make sure the measurements are right and this won't help...and now you can't help!

You look too good! I'm going to need you to stand far away from this, LZ. What happens if it gets on your nice white shirt, eh?"

He had a reply for that, but he didn't think his son should suffer through hearing his father talking about removing his shirt.

He didn't want to scar A-Yuan, after all.

"I'm sure we can find a solution for that, should it happen," he said instead, drawing his eyes down WY's body, allowing his eyes to display a fraction of the want he felt for WY.

It had the desired effect on WY - he sharply inhaled and bit the side of his cheek.

"Right...Right...well then...A-Yuan, do you want to help me set up? I'll explain the experiment!"

"Yeah!"

The experiment in question, apparently, was to figure out what produced the largest and fastest growing elephant toothpaste by alternating the chemical reacting with the hydrogen peroxide…And then using that formula to create a giant sand volcano.

A-Yuan was beyond excited to help. WY had done most of the setup prior to their arrival - the chemicals were premeasured in containers on a table. He mostly needed help constructing the volcano, which A-Yuan very enthusiastically agreed to.

“Now LZ,” WY guided, handing him a second camera. This one is so you can follow us around, alright? I need you to film my intro first, and then A-Yuan and I will start experimenting like the mad scientists we are.

Once we have our recipe, we will make the volcano, and then it’s time for an outro. Easy enough, right?”

“Mm,” he nodded, taking the camera WY handed him and allowing his fingers to brush against WY’s. “You’re making it very easy.”

His words lingered in the air in just the right way, making WY’s whole face turn bright red.

“LZ! Lan er-gege! You can’t say those things to me when I’m supposed to go on camera! You aren’t supposed to distract me like this! Ayio…How am I supposed to film when you say these things? Do I need to send you away?

Should I appoint A-Yuan as my official cameraman and assistant? LZ - I need you to behave yourself!”

“Do you?”

WY began sputtering.

“A-Yuan,” he said very seriously, once he could form words again and was no longer doing an excellent impersonation of a kettle. “Tell your father to behave himself.”

“Baba…Stop being weird.”

LZ could only huff out a laugh, and turn on the camera.

“Mm…I’ll stop being weird. Are you ready, WY?”

“Yeah…Yeah ok,” he exhaled, jumping in place a few times and shaking out his arms. “Now don’t say anything…And count me off.”

“In three…” LZ nodded, holding up his fingers, lowering them as he silently counted down.

“Helloooo friends! Today is a very special day - the sun is out, the birds are chirping and—Oh…did you notice that? There are wave in the behind me. Why you ask?

Because I’m here with my new friend to experiment with elephant toothpaste, and see if we can’t make the biggest, baddest explosion we can to create a sand volcano. Now before we get started, don’t forget to like and subscribe. Let’s get started.”

***

"Xiao Tuzi!"

"Bobo!" A-Yuan laughed as NMJ swept him over his shoulder, spinning him around. A high-pitched squeal of delight cut through the air as A-Yuan's legs and arms flailed about.

"Da-Ge," LZ greeted, watching the pair in amusement. "Ge."

"Brother...WY...Did you have fun today?" LH asked as NMJ tossed A-Yuan into the air. "Careful, Mingjue - LZ won't let you near him again if you hurt him."

"Hurt my Xiao Tuzi?" gasped, blowing a raspberry into the side of A-Yuan's neck, making him shriek.

"Never! A-Yuan, tell them I'm not hurting you," he demanded, blowing another into his skin.

"No! Bobo!" he laughed, "Not in front of WY!!"

"Oh I see - am I not cool enough for Xiao Tuzi now?"

"Bobo!" he shrieked in delight, and LZ chanced a glance to WY.

His gaze was soft and...if LZ was reading his expression correctly...Filled with longing. Maybe he was seeing what he wanted. Superimposing his own wants and desires onto a fleeting expression.

There one moment, gone the next - his smile shuttered back into place as if WY could feel LZ's eyes on him, successfully concealing whatever it had been.

"Don't you know A-Yuan?" WY demanded, crossing his arms over his chest. "It's an uncle's sacred duty to embarrass their nephews. I do it to mine all the time!"

"You have a nephew?"

"Ah - yeah. He's only a few years younger than your son," WY nodded, shoving his hands into his back pockets and rolling back onto his heels. "He's a good kid - even if he does have a peacock as a father," he continued, muttering the last part under his breath.

A-Yuan released another high-pitched shriek as NMJ positioned him onto his shoulders, earning a few questioning looks from people walking past them on the boardwalk.

The plan, as arranged with LH, was that they would take A-Yuan for the evening.

It had been LH's suggestion. He had gone on and on about how it had been so long since they'd had a proper sleepover with A-Yuan, and didn't LZ know what he was doing to NMJ by withholding his son from Da-Ge? Did LZ want LH to suffer?

Really, LZ would be doing him a favor if he said they could take A-Yuan for the night.

His brother was not subtle.

All the same...he appreciated what LH was doing for him.

"Perhaps you can catch up now when we take A-Yuan," LH suggested, drawing A-Yuan's attention at the mention of his name.

"I'm going with you? Where are we going?"

"I don't know," NMJ hummed dramatically. "I was thinking...maybe we could go furniture shopping..."

"Oh," A-Yuan wilted, and NMJ barked out a laugh.

"What's wrong? You don't want to help Bofu and me pick out a new couch?"

"No, I'll do it," A-Yuan reassured, putting on his most serious face, and WY choked down a noise LZ couldn't identify.

"Mingjue," LH smiled, warning him gently.

"Alright, alright...we thought we would take you go-karting and go from there - But only if you behave yourself!"

"Aiya, behave himself...it's like they don't realize he's your son, LZ," WY teased.

"Mm...I have wondered more than once if they would kidnap him."

"I'm sure it's tempted them - I'm half tempted myself. Not that he needs another father. Lucky kid has three!"

LZ had to bite the tip of his tongue to keep from saying that WY needn't resort to kidnapping to become his father.

Marriage was far easier.

ending it here for the night!

“Mingjue may beat you to it,” LH replied, almost wistfully. “We should go if we want to have enough time for everything. You’ll text me if you need anything?”

“Mm,” LZ nodded, feeling his ears heat at the pointed look his brother gave him. “Enjoy your evening with him.”

“You too,” NMJ smirked, and LZ reminded himself that his brother and son would kill him if he killed NMJ.

“So,” WY began, shoving his hands into his back pockets after they bid farewell to everyone. “Do you mind if we go back to my hotel first?”

"Not for that!" he rushed as LZ's eyes widened - the flush from his ears spreading down his neck. "Oh my god...I'm sorry. I just heard it how you heard it...I think I did at least...and I just...I'm dirty and gross and really need a shower after the beach...

I won't make you wait in the lobby - promise! You can come watch TV and hang out in my room. It shouldn't take long. If you don't mind, that is? We don't have to though. If that make you uncomfortable or anything. You know what, why don't we forget tha—"

"—Alright."

"...Alright?"

"You feel uncomfortable. I don't mind waiting for you."

He had waited 16 years for this date. He would wait another 16, if he had to.

Giving WY time to take a shower so he was more comfortable didn't bother him in the least.

"You're sure?"

"Mm."

***

WY's room somehow surpassed all of LZ's expectations. He expected it to be a chaotic whirlwind.

He didn't expect it to look like WY had exploded everywhere. Why was there a sock on the lamp? How did it get there?

And why did he find it endearing?

"Sorry about the...ah...well...I'd call it a mess but this is a bit more of a mess, isn't it?" WY chuckled nervously, grabbing the sock and hiding it behind his back...And LZ did the courteous thing and pretended he had never seen it.

"It's lived in," LZ smiled wryly, assessing the room for a clean place to sit.

"Ah...Ha...Yeah...that's one way of looking at it..." WY chuckled humorlessly, rubbing the back of his neck. "You'd think with as much as I travel, I'd learn to not spread out as much..."

"You travel a lot, then?"

"Yeah...for work, mostly. Not really for pleasure. It's always a nice surprise when the two can overlap. Like this trip! The convention was work, but you're pleasure."

"I'm...Pleasure..." LZ repeated slowly, and WY released a high-pitched...something. He did an excellent teapot impersonation. He hoped A-Yuan never learned how.

"Ah! Ha...sorry...that sounds...Ah...No...You're not pleasure...I mean you are!" he rushed to correct.

"I've been looking forward to this ever since I saw you! I just...Ayio...I sound like NHS...I just mean...you know. You're. This is. Personal. You know? It's nice. I don't get that often."

"Mm," LZ agreed, inclining his head. "I'm glad I could be pleasure, then."

LZ watched with delight as the blush on WY's face spread down towards his neck.

"Yeah...Yeah me too," WY laughed nervously. "Do you maybe...How about I...You need a place do sit, don't you?"

WY glanced around the room. Everything was covered, except, miraculously, the bed.

If housecleaning hadn't come by, it may not have been much better.

"Do you mind sitting on the bed? Or I can throw things around..."

"The bed is sufficient."

LZ normally didn't like to wear outside clothing on a bed. He supposed this time, he would have to make an exception. If it was fine with WY, it would be fine with him.

"Great! Perfect! Wonderful! You're the best, gege...Do want to watch TV? Oh! Or, you know what? If you want...I can pull up the footage we shot earlier? If you want to have a peek at that? I always love watching everything after shooting."

"I would like that."

"Great! Perfect! Fantastic! Sit down and I'll just...Get that set up...Let me just..." WY laughed nervously, grabbing his computer off his desk while LZ sat as requested.

The mattress shook as WY plopped down next to him, rooting through the bag he'd dropped on the floor at the foot of the bed for the camera.

"Here," WY said, handing LZ his computer as he wrangled a mess of wires. "Would you mind opening up iMovie for me?"

"Mm," LZ nodded, and opened the lid to his laptop...

...only to be greeted by a photo of himself from five years ago on his Instagram page.

Ending it here for tonight!

....Nothing to see here. As we were.

It was his first family vacation with A-Yuan. A gift from LH and NMJ so they could all spend some time together, bonding as a new family in a tropical resort.

It had been...terrible.

LZ had spent the majority of it stressing over A-Yuan. The flight had been a nightmare - the change in altitude making A-Yuan cry when his ears refused to pop. The time change was horrible, throwing off his sleep schedule and snack times.

Then there were the mosquitoes…The sun burn despite the ample and liberal use of sunblock. The seasickness on the boat for snorkeling.

He’d even pulled back the sheets to reveal a lizard lounging in bed.

When the last day rolled around LZ was ready to go home, and the very one agreed they’d just spend the day by the pool.

They didn’t leave it once. Not for food. Not for drinks. Not for the ocean. They’d just claimed a few chairs by the edge of the pool and swam.

Just before sunset, LZ felt the strain of the trip and of being a new parent get the best of him. For the first time in his adult life - save for illness - LZ took a nap.

There were two hammocks tucked off to the side of the pool, crowded by plants and covered by a large white swath of fabric. LH and NMJ had encouraged him to go - saying they would be happy to look after A-Yuan for an hour or so.

When LZ woke up, it was to the swaying of his hammock as a small A-Yuan climbed, wrapping his flushed body tightly around LZ's torso - using his shoulder as a pillow.

That was the first time it had really sunk in that A-Yuan...this small, tiny person, was his son.

That this child wanted him as much as LZ had wanted A-Yuan. He could have gone to the other hammock - it had been empty...But A-Yuan had chosen to be with him.

LZ didn't move for a long time, almost too afraid to breathe.

…and when A-Yuan snuggled just a little closer to LZ, burying his face into LZs damp skin, breathing out, “Baba” for the first time…LZ was sure that breathing wouldn’t have mattered because he had forgotten how.

That’s when LH had taken the photo. With LZ’s lips pressed to A-Yuan’s head, holding him tight.

In the end, that vacation had been...

Wonderful.

Simply wonderful.

"Ah ha! Ok - here it is. Let me just—Oh..." WY said, his voice swinging from triumphant to nervous. "I...ah...I can explain that..."

LZ's eyes flicked to WY as he squirmed next to him, making the bed shift beneath them.

"I...Ah...So...Would you believe me if I said I fell asleep on the keys? And then woke up and realized the time and that I was running late and then bolted for the door and called a car?"

He would not, and he thought that this was adorable.

"Mm..." LZ replied noncommittally, his lips quirking up into the smallest of smiles. "And you were on my Instagram page because..."

WY squeaked and somehow turned redder.

"LZ. Lan Zhaaan...Can't you let a guy save some face? Alright. Look. If you must know, I just...I missed you guys. After the con and everything. And I was hoping...Ah...well...It doesn't matter."

"It does to me."

WY shifted on the bed beside him, nervously winding the chord around his fingers.

"I just thought...maybe if I scrolled through your pictures, I could learn more about you guys. And if I could do that, maybe I wouldn't miss you as much. But...I'm not a very smart man, you see,"

WY explained, taking a deep breath and turning to meet LZ's gaze finally. WY's eyes were so open. So sincere...Silver pools of raw longing. It made LZ's heart ache that much more.

"It just made things worse."

"Worse," LZ whispered, the knot of his throat bobbing as he swallowed around what had to be his heart.

"Yeah," WY replied, his eyes dropping to LZ's lips. "Worse."

"Why?"

"Ah...gege...Don't you know?" WY smiled in wry amusement, twisting the cable between his fingers.

It seemed to draw his attention back to the task at hand.

"I should set this up and shower, hm? Look at me, wasting all this time..."

"Time spent with you is not a waste."

WY huffed a laugh and took his computer back from LZ, connecting it to his camera.

"LZ, you're dangerous. Do you know that? When did you become so smooth, hm? You should be careful or you'll give a guy the wrong impression."

"What if it's the right one?"

WY huffed a laugh and refocused on his computer.

"Dangerous. I should have written my will before this date."

"Worried I'll kill you?"

"Worried I won't survive tonight, yes..." WY nodded, opening the footage - adamantly keeping his eyes on the screen.

"Ah ha!" WY cried triumphantly, as his intro began playing through the small speakers. "Success! This is for you," WY said, sliding the computer into LZ's lap, "And I'll just go and shower quickly and then we can...Ah..." he paused catching LZ's eye. Swallowing.

"Yeah. Right. Right! Showering."

This time, it was as if he needed to firmly remind himself.

"Mm...hurry back," LZ encouraged, making WY swallow and scramble off the bed.

"Dangerous, gege! I hope you know that," he teased, disappearing into the bathroom and closing the door behind himself.

LZ heard a loud thump against the bathroom door and smiled to himself before trying to turn his attention back to the screen.

It was hard though. Knowing that he was affecting WY - who had flirted with anyone and everyone - like this...It was powerful.

He wondered if he made WY blush hard enough, if it would spread to his shoulders too.

Maybe, if he tried, he could get that blush to spread down to his chest.

...Or perhaps, if he couldn't make him blush, he could make his chest flush all the same. He wondered what that would take. What he would have to do.

The rush of water from the shower started, drifting out from behind the closed door, and LZ was suddenly struck by the thought that he was here.

Alone with WY...Who was completely naked in the next room. Vulnerable. He could surprise him right now, if he wanted to. Abandon the laptop on the bed. Push open the bathroom door. Pull back the curtain...

He wondered what WY would do.

He wondered what WY would look like, completely wet.

Shoulder-length hair clinging to his skin. His neck. Water beading on his skin...shimmering in the dimly lit bathroom. Steam swirling around him. His body warm and soft—

—A-Yuan's high-pitched shriek of laughter brought LZ back to the computer he was grasping in a white-knuckled grip on his lap, and he shifted uncomfortably on WY's bed, trying to not think about the implications of where he sat.

This was a fantasy he would wrap in a bow and tuck away for later. At a time when he was more alone and less likely to find himself in an embarrassing situation later.

LZ counted to ten, exhaled slowly, and watched the delight bloom across A-Yuan's face as they moved from the first experiment to the second.

LZ loved this part.

WY was reaching down below to grab the bottle of soap, only instead, he scooped up a small handful of sand and flicked it over at A-Yuan's shins.

The next five minutes had been A-Yuan chasing WY down the beach until WY had let A-Yuan catch him.

He allowed A-Yuan to tackle him, falling to the sand and taking A-Yuan with him.

The ease of the whole interaction...Of how WY protected A-Yuan's small form as they fell...Of how they teased one another...

LZ exhaled shakily, closing his eyes.

This was what LH and NMJ had.

This was what LZ had thought he could never have. This was what LZ wanted.

More than anything.

LZ heard the shower turn off as A-Yuan and WY had returned to the table, shaking out their clothes from the sand, and noticed again the hint of a tattoo peeking out across WY's side.

LZ, so absorbed in the scene, hadn't realized he'd zoomed in when WY had lifted his shirt - like he was trying to get a better look at the art.

"Alright, alright...let's be serious now," WY had reprimanded, a bright twinkle in his eye as he winked and bent over to pick up the soap.

He didn't remember zooming in on WY's ass either...And he was mortified...and glad that he had.

It was so.

*Round.*

And.

*Firm.*

"See something you like, gege?" WY teased, startling LZ into snapping the laptop shut and straightening his neck, putting a kink in it.

He didn't remember tilting it.

"LZ!! It's ok - I don't mind," WY laughed. "I think it's one of my better features."

LZ exhaled slowly, turning to apologize to WY and felt all the air get punched out of his lungs.

WY was standing there. In his hotel room. Soaking wet and rubbing one towel through his hair...while only a second one was wrapped dangerously low on his hips.

LZ couldn't stop himself from dragging his eyes over WY's body - watching as a drop of water journeyed down from his wet hair across his chest. Skipped past a dusky nipple. Rolled down the planes of his abdomen, disappearing into his towel.

"Sorry, I...ah...Kinda forgot to grab some clean clothes before I showered. I hope you don't mind," WY continued, and LZ had to tear his eyes away from the towel to meet WY's gaze again.

"No."

"Good! That's great then. That's like. The last thing I want to do. Make you uncomfortable, I mean."

"I'm...Fine."

If one could call this fine. It was taking every ounce of his willpower to behave himself - not do something he was sure he would later regret.

"Great! Wonderful! Love that," WY grinned, dropping the towel he had been using to the floor...and revealing the tattoo across his side in full.

LZ froze at the sight of it.

A rabbit wrapped in peonies.

"I won't take long," WY continued, walking around to rifle through the pile of clothes on the chair.

"WY," LZ croaked, and WY looked over his shoulder at LZ.

"What's wrong?" he asked, straightening and giving LZ his full attention. "Are you ok?"

"I," LZ swallowed, looking for the words. "Your tattoo."

"My...Oh..." WY blushed, covering a small portion of it with his hand. "That..."

"That," LZ repeated, frozen in place - wanting to go to him and peel his fingers from his side. Look at it better, Touch it.

"I forgot it was...that you would...See it. When I came out. I guess I wasn't thinking," he chuckled nervously. "Do you...remember?" WY whispered, rubbing his thumb along the length of the tattoo. "You probably don't. It was such a...It was so meaningless. To you, I mean."

Meaningless.

How could he think that?

"It was in school - Do you remember how I used draw on myself all the time? And then I started to let all of my friends do it too. It started with NHS saying he could do a better job and he drew these lotus flowers all over my arm..."

"And then JC started doing it. And then it just sort of snowballed from there...But one time I...Ah...I bullied you into it. I told you that all of my friends were doing it, so since you were my friend—"

"—I had to do it too," LZ finished. "It was just before spring break. We did it on the field by the track team."

"Yeah," WY chuckled, releasing his side. "You...ah...You remember..."

"Mm..." he nodded, eyes combing over the tattoo - just as he remembered drawing it.

"I remember."

He didn't think he'd ever be able to forget it. WY had been doing homework with LZ at the time - working on a group project for history class together. His arms had been littered in drawings from people, but he insisted that LZ do one too.

"Where would it go?" he'd asked. "There's no room."

He'd thought that argument would get him out of it. Instead, WY had just lifted his shirt and pointed to his side.

"How about here?"

In the presence of that smile...of all that *skin*...LZ had been helpless to say no.

He'd tried to be so careful when he did it - tried to make sure his hands weren't shaking. That WY wouldn't see how overwhelmed he'd felt being allowed to touch him like this.

He was rather proud of his ability to keep himself together, at the time.

"Why?"

"Eh? Why what?"

"Why did you tattoo it?" he clarified, and WY shifted his eyes to the side.

"Ah...It's stupid, really...Not all that important..."

"It is to me," he said for a second time, and WY released a breathy chuckle.

"Cruel, LZ. You're a cruel man. Everyone thinks you're so kind and just and a virtuous pillar of all that's good in this world, but it's all to hide how cruel you are, isn't it?"

He was trying to be aloof. Teasing.

He was coming off as scared. Nervous.

"The worst," LZ agreed. "WY...please?"

WY gnawed at his lip for a moment before sighing, "Alright. But it's...it's stupid. And you can't make fun of me, alright? Promise me you won't make fun of me?"

"Never."

"Yeah. Yeah...Ok..." WY whispered to himself, then, steeling his nerves said, "Most people, when they drew on me, they were quick about it. They rushed through it and drug the pen into my skin which - it's not like I minded or anything...But when you did it...The way you..."

A sigh. A steadying breath.

"The way you did it was soft and gentle. And you were so careful about it. You really took your time with it and it...It just...You made me feel...special," he whispered.

"Like you didn't want to rush through it, because you really wanted me to like it. It just...I...I felt special. Like I was worth..." he drifted off, looking down at the hotel room floor. "Anyway...You said you wouldn't make fun of me, so you can't make fun of me, alright?"

"You promised."

"Never..." LZ whispered, rising from the bed and moving to stand in front of WY. "I'd never make fun of you."

"Oh..." WY exhaled shakily. "That's...yeah. That's good, then. Good. I'm glad. Thanks, gege..."

"You still haven't told me why," LZ pressed, eyes glued to the tattoo.

"Ah..." WY chuckled nervously, "I suppose I haven't...I just...Don't laugh but, I just wanted to remember feeling that...that special," he admitted. "And I guess I...I wanted something to remember you by."

"You were really important to me, you know. But you never told me why you picked this - don't I deserve an explanation, gege? After all this time?"

Ending it here for the night - it's 12:30 am. Back to top!

"You tattooed it on your body, and you don't remember what it means?" LZ exhaled, swallowing down the small hurt that bubbled up from the pit of his stomach.

So what if he didn't.

WY had done this for other reasons - reasons that made LZ feel like WY had cracked open his chest cavity, carefully scooped his heart out, and tenderly wrapped it in soft blankets.

"Remind me, gege," WY whispered, the knot of his throat bobbing as he swallowed.

"I had a violin recital...Do you recall it?"

WY exhaled slowly, "Yeah...Yeah it was so hard to get you to tell me about it...You didn't want me to come at first."

"I didn't want to be distracted."

"Afraid I was going to start yelling in the middle of your performance?"

"I was afraid I'd see how beautiful you were and I wouldn't be able to focus."

WY inhaled sharply, his face looking like LZ had just knocked the air from his lungs.

"Oh...LZ...LZ you can't say those things and look like at me like that," WY replied, voice trembling. "What's a man supposed to do with that much sincerity?"

"Listen to it," LZ replied, reaching out and tucking a strand of damp hair behind WY's ear.

"Why did you tell me to come, then? If I was going to be such a distraction?"

"Knowing you wanted to be there and weren't would have been equally distracting," LZ replied, running his knuckles down along the edge of WY's cheek.

"Ah...I...I see..."

"Mm," LZ replied, not sure if WY did see. "You have always been very good at distracting me, just by existing. I couldn't stop thinking about you..."

"LZ...You'll give a man a complex..."

"You should have it."

WY's eyes scanned LZ's, lips slightly parted.

"And...ah...What...ah...Does this have to do with...Oh..." WY breathed. "Oh the peonies..."

"Mm," LZ nodded, his hand drifting from WY's cheek to his side, hovering lightly above WY's skin. Close enough that he could feel the heat of WY's body, but not close enough to touch. "The peonies...And the rabbit."

WY had been standing at the back of the crowd after, hopping from foot to foot, waiting for everyone to finish shaking LZ's hand, with a bouquet of peonies and a stuffed rabbit.

"I can't believe you remember that," WY murmured, leaning forward just a hair, making LZ's hand brush his skin.

"Why wouldn't I? You made me feel special."

"LZ..." WY exhaled shakily. "I don't care if this is a first date - if you don't kiss me right now, I swear I'll never forgiv—MM!"

LZ gripped the side of WY's waist tighter, pulling WY's body to his and crashing their lips together before he could finish the thought.

LZ felt WY's body tense against him in surprise before relaxing, allowing LZ to pull him closer. WY's lips were soft against his. Pliant.

He allowed LZ to take the lead - allowed LZ to work his lips open before pulling back, drawing a whimper from WY.

The feeling of WY's lips lingered against his as he rest his forehead on WY's. It felt so sureal. It felt...

Good.

"Oh," WY breathed. "Oh, you should do that again. Like. Right now."

LZ huffed a laugh and kissed WY again. This time it was softer. More tender, but no less invigorating. LZ felt WY wrap his arms around his neck, pulling him closer until their bodies were pressed flush.

WY's finger's trailed up the back of his neck, making him shiver.

It felt like his every nerve ending was waking at WY's touch - the slide of his fingers along his skin exquisitely sharp.

It made him shudder and walk WY backwards until his back hit the wall a few steps away.

It made him shiver which only made LZ's heart pound that much harder in his chest cavity. It was a wild creature - ready to burst free of its cage.

LZ's fingers dug deeper into WY's side, while his other hand wound through his wet tresses - tugging.

WY's mouth parted in a near-silent gasp, allowing LZ's tongue to slip inside and LZ moaned. Distantly, he was in disbelief. Distantly, this felt like a dream.

Presently, he felt WY's fingers tugging his hair, trying to kiss LZ back as hard as he was being kissed.

LZ felt like he was melting - boiling from the inside out wherever WY touched him. Absently, he wondered if WY felt the same way. If he was as overcome with arousal as LZ was.

If he craved more of LZ's touch the way LZ craved more of WY's.

LZ pushed further into WY - needing to be closer. Needing to touch more of him. He wedged a leg between WY's thighs, and WY's hips thrust up against LZ of their own volition, allowing him to feel that he wasn't the only one who had become hard.

"LZ," WY breathed as LZ kissed the corner of his mouth when WY pulled away to breathe. "We should...Fuck, LZ..."

"Yes. We should," LZ agreed, mouthing at WY's neck.

"I..." WY blinked through the fog, his breath hitching as LZ pulled his earlobe between his teeth, lightly nipping it. WY shivered in his arms, and LZ couldn't stop the groan of approval even if he wanted to.

"Oh..." he breathed, "Oh but I can't...LZ..."

LZ paused, lightly holding WY's earlobe between his teeth until WY turned his face. It was the first time LZ had really looked at WY since they had started, and - oh...Oh he looked...

Debauched.

His damp hair was wild from LZ's fingers pulling at it. His lips were spit-slick and full from when LZ had licked his way into WY's mouth. His pupils were dilated, making the silver of his irises appear pewter. His face was completely flushed.

If WY hadn't just said "I can't", LZ wouldn't have been able to keep from kissing him again.

"Ah LZ...Didn't I tell you? I have a date tonight with the most handsome man in the world. A true, rare beauty...What will he think of me? Spreading my legs so fast..."

"What happens if he just wants to fuck me and leave, and then I don't see him again for another 16 years, hm? I don't think my poor heart is strong enough for that, LZ..."

Oh...Oh WY...

"Never," LZ reassured, allowing his eyes to express just a small fraction what he felt show.

"Oh..." WY breathed, trembling.

"I wonder what my date must think of me," LZ murmured, allowing his hand to drift over WY's tattoo again. "Throwing myself at him...Taking anything he's willing to offer...Wanting him so much I can't control myself...What must he think..."

"Maybe he wants that," WY swallowed. "Maybe he wants you to lose control."

He slowly drew his hand up the side of LZ's neck, cupping it to hold him in place.

"Maybe...He wants you to take what's always been yours."

LZ crashed his lips back into WY's - teeth and tongues clashing together as he worked WY's mouth back open. WY moaned and trembled beneath him, and LZ greedily drank every sound - every gasp and whimper - like he needed them to survive.

Absently, LZ was aware of WY's foot running up along the line of his calf - too distracted by the feeling of WY's warm, pliant body pressed against his until WY's leg wrapped around his waist.

Suddenly, the damp towel that had once been wrapped around WY dropped to the floor as LZ found his hands under WY's bare thighs, helping hold him up.

"I promise," WY said between kisses - hands tugging LZ's head back, "it's normally much harder to get me naked."

"I look forward to the challenge."

"Fuck, gege," WY whimpered as LZ's fingertips pressed further into WY's thighs digging little crescents from his nails into his skin. "You too. Too many clothes."

"Then get rid of them," LZ managed between fevered kisses, sucking a mark into WY's neck, just below his jaw.

"So wise. So smart. Ah! LZ...*yes*," WY mewled as LZ sunk his teeth into his skin. "Fuck, why is that so good?"

LZ didn't have an answer for him. He didn't think he could formulate a coherent reply as WY's talented fingers somehow wormed their way between their bodies and pulled at the buttons of LZ's shirt.

"Come'on...Off, off, off..." WY chanted, hips spasming forward as LZ scraped his teeth against the knot of WY's throat.

"Rip it."

"What?"

"Rip it off," LZ repeated, kneading the muscle of WY's thighs. He needed WY on a bed.

Now.

(More to come! This post is a back up of the original thread, and will be continued in conjunction with the original thread to ensure I don't lose my work and people can still follow and get updates of the very very rough draft!)

[sect-leader-jiujiu]

yu ziyuan will always have a special and complicated place in my heart.

you know, while i was reading the novel for the first time, i understood her so well. man, if my neglecting husband brought home a random child i would be annoyed. if my neglecting husband brought home the child of his long-life crush i’d be PISSED.

i think that she might not have hated wwx at first. from what i gather of chinese historical settings, she would have scorned wwx as a default, most likely, just because he was the protagonist and he needs to have the cinderella factor. but i don’t think she hated him at first…. not until she saw how blatantly her husband preferred him.

and this is what i find most painful, because jc and wwx got along well! they became friends, and then brothers, and they loved each other. so for yzy to hate wwx hurts me, it adds to the tragedy. i don’t know to what extent wwx would have been a real threat to jc’s position, especially without actually killing jc to replace him in the succession line. but to yzy, proud and accomplished as she was, to have her son ignored while her husband dotes on this other kid…. it makes her blood boil. not because her children are perfect, as she shows awareness of, but because they are their children. the children they legitimately made together. and jfm can like wwx as much as he wants, but he is not allowed to dislike his kids. that’s what yzy’s bitterness is about.

i have read some takes on yzy being hurt because she loved jfm and it was unrequited. and idk, i can’t see her loving a man who neglects her babies. i can see her wishing that they loved each other, and i can see her being sad that they have to fight a losing battle against the wens. i don’t think she would have been happy to see jfm die. but she just… must have had so much anger and bitterness inside her. and still, it’s not that easy to claim that she did or did not love her. seeing how jc operates, i can connect the dots for yzy having similar struggles to conciliate her love and anger for the same person.

ultimately, i still understand yzy. being in fandom has exposed me to many different takes:

yzy was an abuser to her husband

yzy was an abuser to her children

yzy exhibits typical asian drama parenting, and it isn’t abusive

yzy exhibits typical asian drama parenting, and it is abusive.

i don’t care much for which one is the correct one. we aren’t discussing a real person’s actions, and so whether she is or isn’t abusive doesn’t take away from my understanding her motivations and sympathizing with her. but what i’m getting at, is that wwx’s arrival to her family was an offense, and i see that. mdzs world doesn’t seem to have the concept of concubines when talking about sect leaders, and we know that jgs’s adultery was frowned upon. being that the case, bringing wwx into the family home, making him share living quarters with jc, being nice to him and noticeably kinder than he was to his own son… i see how yzy was worried about wwx replacing jc. i don’t think jfm would have been able to do it, not with wcz being the official father. it would have opened an old can of worms, disputing fatherhood to a dead man.

but! that doesn’t mean that yzy can’t be scared of the possibility. as they say, chances of dying in a giraffe attack are low, but never zero.

and yzy is undeniably cool af. i wish she had survived the novel, i wanted to see more of her.

[llycaons]

btw all my attachment to the possibility of reconciliation is entirely for wwx's sake. jc's arc is undeniably tragic and he was working with incomplete information and he wasn't the only person to make mistakes but with how he treated wwx postres I cannot muster up the slightest bit of "aww but he really wants to be brothers again, now he's sad!" nope! you treat someone like shit and I won't feel bad for you if you never see them again!

[robininthelabyrinth]

Prompt: what if jc was lxc's age (and jyl maybe 2 or 3 years older) and wwx was lwj's/nhs' age when he was brought to lotus pier? (Or anything that involves a much bigger age gap bw the jiang sibs and wwx - where wwx is babey)

Untamed

“You know what,” Jiang Cheng said to his sister, who looked at him. “I’ve changed my mind. I’m not marrying a woman.”

Jiang Yanli’s lips started twitching uncontrollably and she hid her smile behind her sleeve. “Oh?”

“Nope. I’m going to marry Chifeng-zun.”

“On the basis of…?”

“If you take two adult men in charge of two Great Sects,” Jiang Cheng said, doing his utmost best to keep a straight face, “with all the power we can generate between us, we might – maybe – have a chance at disciplining our baby brothers.”

Jiang Yanli burst out laughing.

“There, there. It’s all right,” he said, grinning, reaching out to pat her on the shoulder. “You can join us if you’d like. There’s enough room in Qinghe for two wives.”

“We are not both running away to Qinghe,” she said, giggling. “A-Cheng!”

“What? I think it’s a great idea. If our parents want us back, they can negotiate with Chifeng-zun for it – may they have more luck than they had with the whole medicinal herb debacle.”

“A-Cheng, I am officially tabling this idea,” Jiang Yanli said, still snorting. “Older sibling privilege.”

“I let you out of the womb first as a matter of courtesy,” Jiang Cheng sniffed. “And now you use it against me? A-Li, how could you?”

“Call me jiejie! It doesn’t matter how much older, a few shichen or a few years, older is still older.”

“You probably elbowed me with those sharp pointy things you have on your arms. Weapons of war.”

“Older is older!” she sang. “Now tell me, what did A-Xian do this time?”

“Would you like it in chronological order, or in order of severity? I can also group it by theme, if you prefer.”

“Oh no,” Jiang Yanli said, covering her eyes. “Oh no.”

“And the chief-most theme,” Jiang Cheng said, continuing anyway, “is still called Lan Wangji.”

“Oh no!”

“He has the worst crush,” Jiang Cheng said, shaking his head with endless amusement. “And he just – refuses to admit it. ‘Nooooo, shixiong, we’re just friends, he can’t even stand me most of the time, he’s always trying to get me in trouble, but sometimes he lets me sit next to him and spend time with him and he’s so handsome and I really just want to make him laugh –’”

“We have,” Jiang Yanli said thoughtfully, “raised an idiot.”

“He was fine when we got him,” Jiang Cheng disagreed. “We have spoiled an idiot.”

“This is true. Maybe we should go form a mutual complaining society with Chifeng-zun; isn’t his little brother also an idiot?”

“Oh, you have no idea,” Jiang Cheng said. “Worse: they’ve teamed up. Nie Huaisang buys Wei Wuxian porn now.”

“Oh no…”

“In return for help cheating on his tests!”

“Oh no!”

“So that’s why I’m going to marry Chifeng-zun,” Jiang Cheng concluded. “Our parents may be disappointed by my decision, but with our powers combined, we might be able to save the world from our respective younger idiots.”

“Maybe,” she said, and shook her head. “A-Cheng – about our parents…”

Jiang Cheng shook his head as well, echoing her action but more in denial. It wasn’t anyone’s fault that she took after their father and he took after their mother, that she was born a shichen prior to midnight and he a shichen after and their personalities completely different as a result; it was no one’s fault that their parents didn’t get along, with their mother disdaining what she perceived as Jiang Yanli’s passiveness and lack of passion and their father despising Jiang Cheng’ prickly temper and difficulty communicating his affection without scolding.

It certainly wasn’t Wei Wuxian’s fault for being younger and more brilliant, talented at everything he did and with just the sort of personality their father liked best – the combination of his former best friend and the girl he’d once thought of marrying – and that he’d always made that preference very clear to everyone, even to their mother who often worried that her husband would dispossess her children in favor of his foundling and who lashed out at everyone in response.

That had hurt – hurt a lot, even, and Jiang Cheng was soft and sensitive underneath all his defensive layers, but any time he got angry over it he would look at Wei Wuxian, their little A-Xian, baby Xianxian, who adored his older siblings more than anything and was adored in return, and he forced himself to get over it. He was old enough, by the time Wei Wuxian arrived, to know to whom the blame really belonged.

“I spoke with Nie Huaisang while I was at the Cloud Recesses,” Jiang Cheng said in an undertone, one reserved just for his sister. “He’s asked me to pass along a message to his brother, the next time I go night-hunting, about the whole debacle – he’s so terribly apologetic, you understand, he couldn’t wait for the post – if we get to Qinghe by tomorrow, Chifeng-zun will be able to get to Gusu in time to intervene before our father does something wretched like cancel your engagement and take A-Xian home early from his studies.”

“The engagement I wouldn’t mind,” she remarked. “If Jin Zixuan feels so strongly about it that he’d get into a fistfight with A-Xian, it’s better not to marry, no matter what our mother might think. But on no account is A-Xian to be sent home early! He needs his education!”

Unsaid was everything else he needed, things he could get better at the Cloud Recesses than anywhere else.

“Then we go?”

“We go,” she agreed. Between the two of them, Jiang Cheng had more talent at cultivation, but she was steadier, even in her overall mediocrity: when the two of them flew on a sword together, they could make it much further and faster than anyone expected.

Qinghe wasn’t really close enough for a quick jaunt – they flew all night without stopping – but Chifeng-zun was amendable to their scheme, jumping at once onto his saber and making his way straight to Gusu. A waste of spiritual energy all around, really, but far faster than their father would move, with his Sect Leader’s dignity and retinue, rushing to the Cloud Recesses to save his precious little Wei Wuxian from having any connections in life that weren’t to the Jiang sect, and the Jiang sect alone. 

And never mind how much he needed those connections: needed to have friends his own age, needed to have more time with that crush of his, needed independence and freedom and everything the Jiang sect supposedly stood for - needed for them to support him and act as the foundation beneath his feet, rather than the chains tying him down to earth.

Chifeng-zun – who was only a few years older than they were – was really a very understanding person, getting the problem at once and immediately agreeing with their view on things. Perhaps there really was something to be said about the difference in generations…

“Let me show you to rooms where you can rest,” Chifeng-zun’s aide said, a slender young man with a polite smile on his face as he saluted. “I’ll arrange for refreshments as well.”

“We hate to trouble you, but in all honesty you are a lifesaver,” Jiang Yanli said to him warmly, and he unexpectedly flushed red at the cheeks. “A-Cheng, let’s follow this handsome young man and rest a while before we return to the Lotus Pier.”

The young man was blushing.

“What’s your name?” Jiang Cheng asked, and the blush faded away at once as the man paled a little: it would be one he expected them to recognize, then, and not in a good way.

“This one is Meng Yao,” he said, and saluted again even though he’d already saluted once before, and Jiang Yanli’s eyes flickered to Jiang Cheng’s very briefly before she caught his arms and raised him up.

“I’ve heard of you. Smart and talented enough to get Chifeng-zun’s attention, even so far as becoming his personal deputy - you must be brilliant. Truly, you deserve a better father,” she told him, and he stared up at her, dumbstruck.

“Don’t mind her,” Jiang Cheng said. “She’s trying out this new thing in which she says everything she feels without thinking first.”

She elbowed him. “And isn’t it your fault?” she asked snappishly. “You’re the one who needs to speak your mind more; I’m just modeling good behavior!”

If she’d been older than him – really older, rather than just a few shichen – maybe she would have held her tongue more and played the role of the peacekeeper, trying to protect him from his father’s indifference the way she had tried to when they were both younger, just as he had tried to distract his mother from her with his hard-fought accomplishments. It wasn’t until they had little Wei Wuxian to spoil and care for, a joint task that required both of their attention, that they realized that splitting their forces like that was pointless and self-defeating: it wasn’t actually helping that Jiang Yanli suppressed so much of her spirit until she felt like little more than a reflective mirror with no content, nor that Jiang Cheng nearly worked himself to death trying to prove that he was worthy of his father’s love and respect that he would never receive, and it never would.

So they stopped.

They were trying very hard to stop, anyway.

“You’re very kind,” Meng Yao murmured, and led them to their rooms.

The moment he closed the door behind him, Jiang Yanli turned to Jiang Cheng and said, “I’ve changed my mind about your plan – we can run away to Qinghe. You marry Chifeng-zun, and I’ll marry that charming boy out there.”

There was an audible thudding sound from the corridor outside, as if someone had accidentally walked into a wall, and they both grinned at each other.

“Mother would kill you,” he warned her in an undertone.

“And being married to someone who disdains me enough to fight over my worthlessness in public wouldn’t?” she retorted, smiling even though her expression was tinged with pain: if she had one ambition in life, it was to never become their mother. “The marriage agreement might have been forged by our mothers, but the text of it says ‘the Jin sect leader’s son to the Jiang sect leader’s daughter’. Why can’t I marry him?”

“He hasn’t been acknowledged.”

“Only technically. Everyone knows he’s the real deal, or else his father wouldn’t have made such a fuss about it.”

“But –”

“Anyway, he must be a good man, or Chifeng-zun wouldn’t have promoted him.”

“I don’t know about that,” Jiang Cheng said. “Chifeng-zun doesn’t have the sense of self-preservation the heavens bestowed on a lemming.”

There was a vaguely audible snort from outside their door. It seemed Meng Yao, at least, had the good sense not to leave guests in his house unattended, and no discrimination against the very useful business of listening at doors.

He also had a sense of humor, which was good given Jiang Yanli’s newfound ambitions in his regard.

“Yes, well, I wasn’t saying I’d elope with him tomorrow or anything,” she sniffed, eyes dancing. “Give him some time to prove himself to me.”

Jiang Cheng couldn’t help but smile back. “That’s true,” he said, raising his voice a little. “At Chifeng-zun’s side, he’ll be able to make a name for himself until the whispers all say that his father was an idiot for keeping him away.”

“And if even that doesn’t work, I’ll marry him in and make him help me run the Jiang sect,” she said cheerfully. “Who needs Lanling Jin?”

“Wait, since when are you inheriting the Jiang sect?”

“I’m older! And anyway, aren’t you marrying Chifeng-zun? That means you’ll be away helping run his sect, and that leaves an opening at home for me.”

“…huh. Good point.”

“Maybe you can just swap places with Meng Yao,” she said, starting to giggle again. “And we can all see how long it takes anyone to notice…”

“Our parents might not,” Jiang Cheng said dryly. “But Chifeng-zun would. If only because I have my sights set on his bed, and I don’t think Meng Yao does.”

“You don’t know that; everyone wants Chifeng-zun. Maybe you have competition.”

“Better to have competition than be oblivious. Do you want to hear the whole story about A-Xian and Lan Wangji’s tragic mutual pining disaster? Xichen-xiong told me all the details he’s been leaving out of his letters.”

“Tell me everything!”

[vrishchikawrites]

Hello :) Here's another prompt if you're still taking them? WWX & LWJ met as children and declared that they would marry upon their first meeting. Their guardians just thought that it was cute, and that they will forget about it over time. (They don't)

(SOFT. SO SOFT. AU without SSC and GC transfer)

They first meet when Cansge Sanren and Wei Changze are still alive. The wandering cultivators find themselves in Caiyi town and Lan Qiren is reluctantly dragged from his duties to have lunch with a cheerful Cangse Sanren.

He brings little a-Zhan along.

His nephew has just recovered from a fever and is feeling a little clingy. Lan Qiren will never admit it, but something is in his chest softens when his little nephew clings to him with a pout, refusing to let go.

Cangse Sanren's son is exactly when Lan Qiren expected him to be; excitable, curious, restless, and frustratingly intelligent. Bright silver eyes track everything, fascinated and eager to know more.

Lan Qiren reluctantly nudges a-Zhan forward at Cangse Sanren's pointed stare. She's a protective mother and if he so much as implies her son is unworthy of making acquaintance with his nephew, she will cheerfully gut him.

a-Zhan is reluctant at first. He has never been the most social child, rarely interacting with anyone but his immediate family.

But Wei Ying, also a bit shy and reluctant, peeks from behind his father's robes and smiles.

Lan Qiren has to admit it is a pretty sight. The child is plump and healthy with bright eyes and a wide, sincere smile.

a-Zhan is enamored at first sight.

Lan Qiren is astonished when a-Zhan steps forward and grabs Wei Ying's hand, pulling him from behind Wei Changze and towards Lan Qiren.

Wei Ying comes willingly, curious and entertained by the unusual situation. Lan Qiren doesn't doubt he has had even fewer interactions with children his age than a-Zhan, being the son of traveling cultivators.

"Shufu," He pulls Wei Ying's arm up as though presenting him to Lan Qiren, "a-Ying."

"Indeed," He says, secretly amused but refusing to show it, "I am Lan Qiren, Wei Ying."

Apparently, the child doesn't lack manners because he attempts to bow even with his hand still firmly held in a-Zhan's grasp.

Lan Qiren is somewhat charmed.

He is less charmed when their lunch comes to an end and a-Zhan reaches for a-Ying's hand once again, refusing to let go.

"a-Zhan, it's time to go home. Don't you want to see a-Huan?"

"Show a-Ying to a-Huan." a-Zhan insists, "a-Huan sees too!"

"a-Huan can meet a-Ying later." Lan Qiren says patiently but he feels his eyebrow twitch at a-Zhan's stubborn pout, "a-Ying is staying in Caiyi for a few weeks, a-Zhan, I'm sure we can bring a-Huan next time."

"a-Huan see pretty now."

Lan Qiren winces when Cangse Sanren muffles a laugh in her husband's shoulder and the man looks at the sky, amused but too dignified to react.

a-Ying tugs at his hand, trying to free it only to pout when he can't escape.

The scene is too adorable for Lan Qiren's poor heart. He sighs.

"Alright, let's show a-Huan the 'pretty'."

---

The little wandering cultivator family stays in Caiyi for three weeks to rest, replenish their supplies, and give their child some time to play with others.

a-Huan, of course, is just as enamored by a-Ying as his little brother. Lan Qiren is getting accustomed to the sight of a little white-clad Wei child lead around Cloud Recesses by one nephew in the morning and another in the evening.

a-Huan is at least gracious enough to let Wei Ying walk on his own. a-Zhan is stubborn. If he's in a-Ying's company, he's holding the child's hand.

Wei Ying is a free spirit and being dragged around annoys the child at first. He tugs and pouts but eventually starts reaching for a-Zhan's hand on his own accord.

There's not a single person in Cloud Recesses that doesn't adore the sight.

---

"a-Zhan," Lan Qiren sighs, "a-Ying must leave with his parents. He belongs to them."

a-Zhan is red-faced and angry, his eyes wet with frustrated tears, "a-Ying stay. a-Ying stay, stay, stay!"

Oh goodness, a tantrum.

It is, unfortunately, a drama with three actors.

a-Huan is weeping with a tragic appearance of a love-scorned maiden; eyes wide and imploring, lips trembling, and face wet with silent tears.

a-Ying is burying sobs into his father's shoulder, his little body trembling with acute distress. "a-Ying not leave," He wails, "a-Ying wants stay with a-Zhan!"

"a-Ying," Wei Changze is compassionate instead of amused, his expression soft with sympathy. He rubs his son's back in gentle motions, rocking the child soothingly, "Baba promises we'll return. We'll be back before you even have a chance to miss your friends."

"Aiya! What a mess," Cangse Sanren says, amused, "a-Ying, do you want to leave us and stay with a-Zhan? We must go so you need to choose."

"Xingan," Wei Changze chides as Wei Ying looks up with wide eyes and shakes his head, looking heartbreakingly distressed, "Be gentle with our child."

Lan Qiren huffs in disapproval, glaring at her as she smiles sheepishly and presses a kiss to Wei Ying's head, "Aiya, baobao, you'll break your mother's heart. It's alright, little treasure," She plucks him from Wei Changze's arms, her face incandescent with love, "We'll bring you to your a-Zhan every two months, I promise! We would never keep you from your friends!"

Perhaps she knows something about raising children, after all. The definite timeline goes a long way to soothe all three children.

There are still many tears at their parting. a-Zhan and a-Huan sulk for days. Sometimes Lan Qiren catches a-Zhan looking at his hand with a forlorn expression.

"a-Zhan," He sighs one day, when his nephew spends an entire evening pouting and staring at his hand, "He'll be back soon."

a-Zhan doesn't say anything, just nodding gently and tucking his hand away.

The expression on his face melts Lan Qiren's heart, "I'll convince Cangse Sanren to stay a bit longer." He thinks about asking her to just let the child attend Cloud Recesses for his education. He's very bright, possessing a native intelligence that must be nurtured.

"Mn."

"Missing a friend is natural," He says softly, "But you must understand that everyone has their own life and obligations. a-Ying belongs to his parents. He must live with them."

"Mn. Will marry a-Ying so he belongs to me."

Lan Qiren chokes on his tea, "What...?"

"a-Ying promised he'll be my wife," a-Zhan nods solemnly, like he isn't nudging his uncle towards qi deviation, "a-Huan saw."

Lan Qiren turns to his older nephew, who nods with a cheerful smile, "They bowed to me and each other. I told them bowing to ancestors can wait until they're older!"

... what?

---

Tragedy strikes and Lan Qiren sees his nephew's heart break. Once. Twice. Three times.

Wei Changze and Cangse Sanren are killed. a-Ying is nowhere to be found.

Madam Lan perishes, and his little nephew deals with the weight of grief again, silent and solemn at her doorstep.

His brother retreats entirely and his nephews are left without a father.

They don't see Wei Ying again for well over a decade.

---

Wei Wuxian arrives at Cloud Recesses like an unstoppable storm.

Lan Qiren takes one look at him, sees the jaded edge in his eyes, watches his appeasing smile, and feels nothing but wrath.

This isn't the boy he remembers, raised under the boundless love of his parents. This one has faced injustice and doesn't trust the world.

The first time the boy challenges him in class, silver eyes sharp and assessing, he throws a book at him and assigns punishment with Wangji.

Let his nephew handle his cherished friend. He needs to look at the situation at the Lotus Pier.

He keeps assigning him lines, even for offenses that warrant the cane. Wei Ying doesn't remember much of his childhood but it is clear that the connection is still there.

The three children fall into their old friendship quickly. Xichen being amused and indulgent. Wei Ying being annoying and lively. Wangji never letting go.

Lan Qiren investigates.

What he finds doesn't please him.

He pens a scathing letter.

'She entrusted you with her treasure. You've made a hash of it. What do you mean by sending that child here in such a state? Did you think I would ignore it? Will you tell me the scars on his back are warranted?

Your audacity appalls me. You swore on your honor that you would raise him as your own son. I offered to take him in when you found him but you swore he was happy with you and his martial siblings.

My nephews love him. Your son only berates him.

You have deceived me.

I swear on my honor that I will find a way to wrest him from your sect, Fengmian.

You do not deserve him.'

---

Wei Ying is a naturally good-humored child. It takes just a month of being in Wangji and Xichen's company to soften all of his edges. His mischief no longer has a jaded edge to it.

He's still far too unruly for Lan Qiren's liking but he supposes that is a symptom of his youth.

"Jiang Yanli is betrothed," Xichen says as he serves them tea. He has a solemn expression but his eyes are sharp. He's almost as fond of Wei Ying as Wangji, after all, "I see no reason why Wangji and a-Xian can't be too."

Lan Qiren stills, staring at his nephew, "Betrothal." He repeats flatly.

Xichen dares to shrug, discarding his habitual poise in his anger, "Wangji has never loved another. It's unlikely he ever will." He looks up to meet Lan Qiren's gaze, "We wouldn't be able to separate them now, Shufu, not after Wangji saw-" He grimaces.

Lan Qiren looks away with a scowl, combing his beard furiously. His youngest nephew had discovered Wei Ying's scars, after all.

"We have letters from Wei Changze," Lan Qiren says, "Discussing a-Ying and a-Zhan's formal marriage arrangements." It had all been in jest, of course. When they found out the children had 'wed' with Xichen as a witness, their amusement had known no bounds.

Lan Qiren had quite enjoyed carrying out mock betrothal negotiations.

He clears his throat, "Very well."

---

Wangji and Wei Ying are officially betrothed before the lectures at Cloud Recesses come to an end.

Yu-furen's wrath knows no bounds. Soon enough, Jiang Fengmian sends Wei Ying back to Cloud Recesses with a letter full of excuses.

Wangji takes one look at his beloved's ashen expression and turns to Lan Qiren, "No more."

Lan Qiren nods.

It is difficult to negotiate but they pull it off. It helps that Wei Changze's letters speak of the marriage as an inevitable fact rather than a joke between parents.

The Jiangs lose their Head Disciple by the time the boy is seventeen. Lan Qiren arranges their marriage by the time they're twenty.

Wei Ying never leaves Wangji's side again.

[wangxianficrecs]

Follower Recs

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Hi! First of all, thank you so much for running this blog, It's become one of three reasons why I haven't yet committed arson (I jest but the Feeling is true). [Hee, hee, hee.] I have a rec for you! It's called "wholesome life usurp immediately" by comfect on ao3 and it's. So good. It's unfinished but the author updates it literally every other day if not faster! It's a lovely fic, I hope you enjoy it. 🌻

Wholesome Life Usurp Immediately

by Comfect (T, 55k, yunmeng sibs, qingli, wangxian, WIP)

Summary: Wen Qing examines Jiang Yanli at Cloud Recesses and has a cure for her poor cultivation.

Now there are Three Prides of Yunmeng.

Everything kind of fixes itself from there.

~*~

hello mojo!! I would really like to recommend standing still (but we keep going) by lwjromantics!! it's really good!!

standing still (but we keep going)

by lwjromantics (justfantaestic) (T, 5k, wangxian)

Summary: Lan Wangji supposed that if having to take care of little A-Yuan and Mo Xuanyu and having to look at the reminders of Wei Ying in their habits and mannerisms was punishment for his actions, he would willingly take it and flay his own back open.

— There are children in the Burial Mounds.

~*~

hii mojo! I just read this cute fic and I loved it so I wanted to rec it :) 

Word Up, Talk the Talk

by Larryissocute (G, 2k, wangxian)

Summary:  It wouldn’t have been a problem (it really wouldn’t) if they weren’t best friends. Wei Wuxian doesn’t know what good deeds he did in his past life to be blessed with Lan Wangji as a friend nor does he know what evil things he did to be cursed with being only a friend to Lan Wangji.

Or the one where Wei Wuxian kisses Lan Wangji and then runs away.

~*~

Hey! Love your account — and proud of you for taking the hiatus you needed.  [Lol - it was really nice!]  Idk if you take fic recommendations, but I'd love to rec Roots by ardenrabbit. Fantastic characterization, I really love it!

Roots

by ardenrabbit (E, 46k, wangxian, WIP)

Summary:  After Wei Wuxian's duel with Jiang Cheng, he finds that stab wounds aren't so trivial when he doesn't have a core to heal them. He wakes to find Lan Zhan in the Burial Mounds with him, already beloved by the Wens and making himself at home. When Lan Zhan tells him that he wants to stay and offers more help than Wei Wuxian knows how to accept, he fears that it's only too good to be true.

Lan Wangji knows that Wei Ying is doing the right thing, and he couldn't live with himself if he let him do it alone. For everything Wei Ying has sacrificed, Lan Wangji is determined to give something back to him.

Hanguang-Jun has turned his back on the clans to join the Yiling Wens and their demonic cultivator leader, and every clan has a different opinion on the matter.

~*~

Hello! I wanted to rec a fic on ao3 called "Restoration" by jelenedra. It's complete, an alternate universe of the sunshot campaign told nonlinearly. It has strong fairy tale and fae elements, with a touch of mystery. Bit of a fix it. Some delightful one liners, and the final ending imagery is just LOVELY. The fic deserves much more love. There's also some YilingWei, wwx not raised by Jiang, and sentient Burial Mounds elements. Enchanting read that keeps you enthralled and curious and intrigued.

Restoration

by jelenedra (M, 85k, wangxian)

Summary:  They say he was thrown into Luanzang Gang by the man who killed his parents; they say that he is an immortal cultivator who had been in a deep trance until the Wen sect disturbed his rest and incurred his wrath; they say that he is the fierce corpse of a cultivator who had somehow regained his mind and his spiritual powers.

When Lan Wangji sees him for the first time, he understands why people talk.

Meng Yao wants safety. Xue Yang wants vengeance. The Sunshot Campaign wants victory. Yiling Laozu provides, for a price.

~*~

I usually read all your recommendations. Thanks for gathering all good recs of wangxian. I am in love with every single story your recommend especially the favorites. [I’m so glad!]  I just wanted to suggest a fic i came across while searching for phoenix!wwx. Its a new story I think as author has published it today. The first chapter was very interesting that i thought ill recommend it you and know your opinion. The legendary phoenix and his dragon -Devipriya and Hidden Path to Love by ShadowTenshiV

Hidden Path to Love

by ShadowTenshiV (G, 78k, wangxian)

Summary:  Wei Ying is a servant working at the Gusu Lan castle. One day he enters through a secret passage way connected to the library where he meets a Lan for the first time. He may have left quite an impression, gaining the other´s attention and slowly becoming friends. They would like to become something more, but a servant can´t be with a prince, but maybe his secret can change that.

~*~

hello mojo! i was wondering if I could make a fic rec? it’s called “and the calm is deep where the quiet waters flow” by izanyas. it used to be on ao3 but the author has since moved it to eir own website and has started posting updates there. i was wondering if this could also act as a signal boost bc some old readers on ao3 might not have known that it is now on another website.   Author's been through a tough time so I think it deserves a lot more love.

For new readers, please mind the warnings in the prologue and the beginning of each chapter! it’s omegaverse and a very heavy read as it deals with (possible spoiler) off-screen rape that results in an unwanted pregnancy, as well as secondary gender oppression which runs deep, but for people who can bear it the writing, worldbuilding, and emotions are truly spectacular.

and the calm is deep where the quiet waters flow

by izanyas (E, 270k, wangxian, WIP, link is to WordPress rather than AO3)

Summary: Cangse Sanren was the first of her kind to become a cultivator. Talented, passionate, free-spirited, she bested everything that ever came her way until the very end.

Jiang Fengmian refuses to see her son deprived of that same freedom.

~*~

Hello Mojo! I dunno if this's been recced before, but here's another ficrec for you? It's complete, on ao3, "The Third Young Master of Qishan Wen" by KouriArashi. It's 'if wwx was raised by dafan wen, but gets recognized as 3rd heir due to his skill' scenario. Some really nice banter and characterization. Wwx and lz get together before the sunshot campaign. Story follows the live action but diverges into au, and does some cool callbacks to original canon. Love Meng Yao in this!  [Oh, I know KouriArashi from my last fandom, I love her works!]

❤️The Third Young Master of the Qishan Wen

by KouriArashi (T, 139k, wangxian, my post)

Summary:  The fic where Wei Wuxian is adopted by the Dafan Mountain Wens instead of the Yunmeng Jiang.

~*~

Hi Mojo! I can count the number of times I’ve spoken on Tumblr on one hand (I’m shy heh) but I found this fic that I think you and others would really like? I’m a sucker for emotional hurt/comfort and this was just too sweet for me not to share (did I go through 20 pages of bookmarks just to make sure you don’t already have it? Maybe …) [Aww, you can do a sidebar search in the bookmarks for the author’s name.  But I hope you found other good fics by carding through the whole catalog!]  It’s “Close Your Soft Eyes” by timetoboldlygo! I also wanna say thank you for all the hard work you put into this blog! It’s a treasure beyond compare. :D [Thank you so much!]

Close Your Soft Eyes

by timetoboldlygo (G, 12k, wangxian)

Summary:  When Lan Wangji woke, the first thing he noticed was the slip of paper, folded and tucked between his index and middle fingers, not Wei Wuxian’s absence. His fingers trembled as he unfurled the paper. A donkey with a little smile beamed down at him.

-

On the nights that Wei Wuxian was gone, Lan Wangji woke to gifts on his pillow.

~*~

Hey Mojo! I love your blog it is beyond awesome! [Thank you!]  I was wondering if you would consider reading JaenysBloodcourt series "A Bond to Takes us home"? The summary is weird but I like the fics and would love to hear your opinion on LWJ POV (it's part 2). Part one is Mingxian but part two (Wangxian) reads as a standalone for the most part. Anyways, thank you for all your hard work! <3 [I’ll put it on my list!]

A Bond to Take Us Home

by JaenysBloodcourt (T, 10k, mingxian - nmj/wwx, wangxian, series in progress)

Summary:  Wei Wuxian has two soulmarks. He has two soulmates that seem to be the opposite of him. During his first life he meets both of them, loves only one and longs for the other. In his second life, the one he loved first is dead, and the one he pined after is pining after him.

These are the many tales of his soulmates and the raucous they made across the cultivation world.

Some are dark, some are light. Beware.

~*~

I forgot to send this in for Mother's Day a few weeks ago, but have you read dragongirlG's "into the light of a dark black night"? It's a short canon divergence where Mama Lan escapes the Cloud Recesses after spending one last, heartbreaking night with her sons. It's so beautiful and bittersweet! [Oh, ouch.  I just read this author’s time travelling juniors au, but hadn’t seen this one.]

into the light of a dark black night

by dragongirlG (T, 3k, Madam Lan & sons)

Summary:  The night that Wu Yuhua, formerly known as Madam Lan, plans to escape from the Cloud Recesses, she runs into an unexpected complication.

That complication comes in the form of her younger son A-Zhan running up to her door and kneeling in front of it, hushed whimpers escaping from his throat.

Wu Yuhua knows it's not the full moon, knows that it's not the one day a month she's allowed to see her children—but like hell is she going to leave her six-year-old son out there trying to stifle sobs in the snow.

She opens the door. "A-Zhan," she says, bending down and reaching out a hand. "Come in, my sweet boy."

On a snowy night in the dead of winter, Wu Yuhua, formerly known as Madam Lan, unexpectedly spends one last night with her sons before escaping from the Cloud Recesses.

~*~

Hello queen I’d like to recommend for ur follower rec posts Avatar: The Untamed Waterbender by KouriArashi. Banger of an ATLA au, def the best one I’ve seen. It’s a WIP but the author updates pretty regularly and it’s all around an A+ fic [Oh, yes, I’ve been waiting for this one to finish before I jump in.]

Avatar: The Untamed Waterbender

by KouriArashi (T, 123k, wangxian, WIP)

Summary:  You know the drill. Long ago, the four nations lived in harmony. Then, everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked.

100 years later, Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli find Wei Wuxian sealed in an iceberg.

Featuring: avatar WWX, waterbending JC, firebending Wens, airbending Lans, earthbending Nies and Jins, Jiang Yanli in possession of the brain cell, et cetera.

~*~

[My ko-fi.]

[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 10 second part

(Masterpost) (Other Canary Meta)

Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!

Unclean Realm

Lan Wangji has a Louis Henry Sullivan moment on seeing the Nie family home, becoming enraptured by its overwrought monumental architecture after a lifetime of restrained good taste and single-story buildings.

He approaches the fortress with the expression of delighted wonder that he usually reserves for when he’s looking at the moon or at Wei Wuxian.

Wei Wuxian is like, yep that’s a building, all right, but he supports Lan Wangji’s kinks.  

Meng Yao tells them about the Wen Clan directive, and has what appears to be a moment of genuine, affectionate amusement at Nie Huaisang’s reaction.

Jiang Cheng kinda blames the Lans for inventing the whole “indoctrination” thing and for encouraging his brother’s disaster bi tendencies. Wei Wuxian responds by complimenting the Lan Clan, almost like someone who met his true love got some real value out of the instruction he received there.  

(more after the cut)

One of the great ironies of this story is that Wei Wuxian sort of becomes a rogue Lan disciple because of his relationship with Lan Wangji. He relies on Lan temperament techniques, uses music as a primary cultivation method, has committed all of the Lan rules to his supposedly terrible memory and cites them on multiple occasions, and is an important mentor for the younger generation Lan disciples. Because Hanguang-Jun is just that good in bed.

Xue Yang in the background of this conversation is channeling OP’s church-enduring, school-enduring inner 10-year-old.

Nie Mingjue, Chifeng-Zun, appears, and couldn’t be more different than his brother. On first watching this episode, I saw him as a grumpy, sexy, very emotional leather daddy man who is quick to anger. Rewatching, I see someone who’s struggling with a growing illness...the resentful energy kind.

Nie Mingjue’s handling of resentful energy is very different from Wei Wuxian’s straightforward interest and acceptance. NMJ has a traditional cultivator’s view of it, regarding it as evil and as something to resist, while he is literally carrying it on his back. He’s like a secret alcoholic who is preaching temperence, and can’t find a way to be reconciled with himself.  

At this point of the story, Nie Mingjue is keeping it together, but is under a hell of a lot of stress, and Baxia’s blood thirst is already maybe a problem.

The Yunmeng bros think that Nie Huaisang’s fear of his brother is hilarious, because they don’t understand the situation. They think he’s just living in a hideously toxic family dynamic like theirs, when actually he’s in a loving, sorta healthy, if parentless, family that is being crushed under a generational curse.

Compliments for the Yunmeng Bros

I’m not the first meta poster to notice how happy Jiang Cheng is to be praised by Nie Mingjue.

He never gets this at home. Jiang Yanli praises him, but in that watery “you tried your best” way that doesn’t really stick.  Nie Mingjue’s praise really means something, because he is a fearsome warrior and stern authority figure. And this is a double compliment, because Nie Mingjue says he heard it from Lan Xichen, and agrees with it.

Let’s Make Terrible Decisions

Keep Xue Yang alive, says Wei Wuxian, and Meng Yao immediately agrees, although I’m pretty sure he would have proposed that even if WWX hadn’t.

So they do, not realizing that “kill him later” is never a good plan for someone who 1. super needs killing 2. has a whole lot of death-dealing skills.

Future clan leader Jiang Cheng notices how smart and talented Meng Yao is.  Xue Yang finds it hilarious when the trio praises Meng Yao, possibly because their evil team up is already underway.

Boss’ Bed Warmer Son of a Ho

The constant insults toward Meng Yao are about his mom, but there’s another level of leering implication, that Meng Yao seems to encourage in his conversation with the soon-to-be-murdered guard captain.

Nie Mingjue elevated him way above his expectations, and he is ridiculously pretty, which has to create rumors. In the Nightless City scenes when he’s fondling Baxia and telling Nie Mingjue’s family secrets there’s definitely a sense of intimacy that’s not just “loyal retainer.”

I feel like maybe this whole exchange is a bit of theater designed to show Xue Yang something without showing it to anyone else. Meng Yao didn’t need to have this conversation in front of his prisoner.

Let’s Do Exactly What We Said We Wouldn’t

Once the younger quartet are alone with Nie Mingjue, Wei Wuxian crosses the room away from his friends and practically into Lan Wangji’s pocket, if Lan Wangji had pockets.

He has no pockets and also has no personal bubble any more, when it comes to Wei Wuxian.

We could make a weapon out of Yin Iron, Wei Wuxian says, completely forgetting his entire conversation with Lan Yi, apparently. Lan Wangji doesn’t argue with this idea.

Nie Mingjue warns Wei Wuxian not to try it.

I stabbed a man in Qinghe just to watch him die

Nie Mingjue is like the Johnny Cash of the cultivation world, carrying the weight of his poor choices and trying to steer the young folk to the path of righteousness. But--like Johnny Cash--his bad choices have made him really fucking cool, so he isn’t very good at deterring anybody.

Meng Yao Didn’t Come Here to Make Friends

Immediately after Meng Yao’s fellow Nie clan people call him “son of a whore” again, Wei Wuxian meets him, is nice to him, addresses him by his military title, bows to him, asks why he’s away from the party, and thanks him for his service.

But Meng Yao has already decided to make friends with Xue Yang, so Wei Wuxian goes onto his list of people that he doesn’t give a crap about except if they can be useful to him.  Then Meng Yao goes to make out hatch a plot with Xue Yang.

I’ll Sleep On Your Roof

Meeting SongXiao seems to have done away with the last of Lan Wangji’s resistance to his connection with Wei Wuxian.

He hears a noise on the roof and, when realizing it’s Wei Wuxian, he smiles one of his tiny reserved smiles before heading outside.

When he sees Wei Wuxian drunkenly sprawled on the roof, limbs akimbo, wine on his chin and neck, mouth full of poetry about the open road, Lan Wangji gives him the most fond look imaginable.

Then he reluctantly leaves, with his signature “say goodbye, but only when he can’t hear you” thing.

They’ve both come a really long way since their first meeting. Wei Wuxian is openly and vocally attaching himself to Lan Wangji...but is not actually entering his space or asking for anything from him; he just wants to be near him, and wants to let him know that. “I’ll sleep on your roof tonight.”

And Lan Wangji just...loves him. Wei Wuxian is drunk, embarrassing, demonstrative, eager to make a hell weapon out of yin iron, touchy feely, and absurdly sexy. And Lan Wangji is pretty okay with all of that.

I Might Have Been Drunk

Wei Wuxian carefully avoids telling Jiang Cheng where he was last night.

Even if he did get blackout drunk, he would have woken up on Lan Wangji’s roof. And I don’t think he was as drunk as that. He just knows Jiang Cheng wouldn’t like the truth.

Wen Fucking Chao, Again

Wen Chao shows up to be annoying and boring.  This leads to a pretty good fight between Nie Mingjue and Wen Zhuliu. Note that when the chips are down, Nie Huaisang stands with his Gege without any cowering. Almost as if he had hidden reserves of bravery, and is not as helpless as he lets on.

Wen Zhuliu isn’t styled to be super hot, although he’s certainly compelling, and in Dance of the Phoenix he looks good with sensitive-guy hair wispies. I wonder what actor Feng Mingjing looks like out of character?

BRB, adding a tag to my follow list

Battle Bros

When the fighting breaks out, the Yunmeng brothers are decisive and united, with Wei Wuxian giving orders to Jiang Cheng and JC following without hesitation.

I feel like if these two could have gone through a few big battles together, instead of being separated during most of the Sunshot campaign, their whole relationship would have improved. On the battlefield, they respect, trust, and understand each other.  

The Pointy End

Nie Mingjue is holding his own against Wen Zhuliu, but he gets distracted by Meng Yao hollering “Xue Yang has escaped” and then shanking the guard captain right in front of him.

Wen Zhuliu takes advantage of the distraction to aim a very slow stab at Nie Huasang, and Meng Yao jumps in front to get stabbed on his behalf.

When the Yunmeng bros show up to help NMJ, Wen Zhuliu immeiately yanks Wen Chao back behind him and points his sword at Wei Wuxian. He absolutely sees these two as a serious threat.  Considering that eventually WWX is going to kill Wen Chao while JC kills Wen Zhuliu, this concern is not misplaced.

Wei Wuxian tells Wen Chao to stop being such a jerk, and Wen Chao menaces Wei Wuxian and gloats about the burning of cloud recesses. The burning, that is, of some part of cloud recesses that doesn’t include the library, the Jingshi, the main cultivation chamber, the rabbit warren, or Lan Qiren’s house, unless the Lan Clan is really really good at rebuilding things to very exact specifications.

In a rare moment of seeing Meng Yao’s internal thoughts, he is worried about Lan Xichen when he hears about cloud recesses.

The Yelling Part

Now we have the particularly nasty breakup between Nie Mingjue and Meng Yao. It’s...got some layers. Meng Yao is cowering on the floor, but is not apologizing.

He never apologizes throughout this encounter.

孟瑤無悔  - Meng Yao (has) no regrets

This scene is amazing and excruciating to watch, even more when you know what’s ahead.

What the Fuck is Meng Yao’s Plan

On one level this is Meng Yao, manipulative sociopath, setting up a cover story for his aiding and alliance with Xue Yang.  On another, this is Meng Yao, loving subordinate, being tossed aside by his lord because he dared to stand up for himself.

He uses the same “scout’s honor” gesture we’ve seen Wei Wuxian use to swear he’s telling the truth. Wei Wuxian is always lying when he uses this gesture.

I’m...not sure exactly what Meng Yao’s plan is, with all these chess moves? By stabbing the captain in front of NHS, he created an opportunity to plant a cover story about Xue Yang’s escape. He might be hoping that Nie Mingjue will forgive him and keep him on, while Xue Yang can stay in his back pocket to be used later.

Dry eyes? Try Visene

Or he might be intending to get kicked out, given his non-apology. In any case, Nie Mingjue is weeping during this encounter, and Meng Yao...isn’t. He is signaling distress in his voice, expression, and body language, but his eyes are dry up until the last moment, and even then they just glisten a bit. In a show where every actor is an expert at crying on cue, that’s got to be a deliberate choice.

Which isn’t to say that Meng Yao is faking being full of emotion in this scene. It’s just that the emotion isn’t necessarily sorrow.

What Does Nie Mingjue’s Head Think

Flip the view and this is about Nie Mingjue being betrayed by a subordinate, who has turned out to be a self-serving murderer. And on another level it’s Nie Mingjue being betrayed by his lover, who was just using him for advancement.

I rewatched the later episode where we get the scene as Nie Mingjue’s head perceived it, and he’s particularly brokenhearted and disillusioned from his head’s POV.  In that version there is a telling addition to the conversation.

Nie Mingjue asks about the guys who were roasting Meng Yao behind his back. He asks, if I hadn’t come, would you have murdered all of them?

Um. No, dude. Of course fucking not. That’s what a patriarchal authority does. That’s the way an angry Nie Mingjue/Baxia team might solve a problem.

Meng Yao has to use subterfuge to kill his enemies. And while he super hates being called “son of a whore” it’s absolutely not enough to make him kill someone, with the risk murder brings. Likewise, being treated well isn’t enough to make him spare someone. Nie Mingjue totally doesn’t get this, because he’s been the patriarch of this clan his entire adult life.

And Here’s the Actual Problem

There is a betrayal here, but Nie Mingjue is not simply a victim.  Whether it’s a sexual relationship or a non-sexual bond of affection, there can be nothing solid in Nie Mingjue and Meng Yao’s relationship within a feudal society, because it is fundamentally unequal. Even if they love each other deeply - which I’m not convinced either of them does - every encounter they have is tainted with power dynamics.

Meng Yao has been elevated by Nie Mingjue and quite probably taken into his bed, as well as being told many family secrets, but has not been given a new surname (like, for example, Wen Zhuliu was) or independent power. More importantly, Nie Mingjue has not used his authority to remove or punish the many people who disrespect his subordinate.  Lan Qiren would have had all of those gossipy fuckers kneeling in the snow, and Wen Ruohan would feed them to his mosh pit zombies.

Meng Yao is a murderous little snake, but he is right to be angry with Nie Mingjue about some things, and his pursuit of his own agenda is understandable.

Well, That Was a Slice

Meng Yao leaves, hurt, with a dignified bow; just as he did that one time when his dad kicked him down the Carp Tower steps.

Take note, both patriarchal authorities: that is his way of saying “I’m going to murder you one day.”

Nie Mingjue sits with his broken heart, as we realize that we’ve only spent 20 minutes with this guy and we’ve gone on an entire emotional journey with him. This episode packed in a LOT.

Soundtrack: Johnny Cash, Folsom Prison Blues

[persefone88]

10 + 1 Wangxian Recs - Theme Myhical Creatures/Shapeshifters

I am currently mostly in MDZS (Mo Dao Zu Shi/Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation) fandom. And fully and wholeheartily shipping Lan Wangji/Wei Wuxian. And since I have collected 2000+ Wangxian bookmarks on AO3 I thought it was high time to pick out some of my favourite fics to Recommend. But since it is hard to pic just a few I decided to separate them into themes.

This theme is fics where either/both of Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji are some kind of animal or mythical creature shapeshifter/hybrid. Most common is Fox Wei Wuxian and Dragon Lan Wangji.

A Mother’s Curse (A Mother’s Blessing) by Eudoxia

https://archiveofourown.org/works/32194453

Summary:To avoid an arranged marriage, Lan Wangji places a curse on himself, one that can only be undone by his soulmate. He knows his family—particularly the elders—are upset about it, but Lan Wangji will not marry someone he does not love.Or, huli jing Lan Wangji curses himself to be trapped in his fox form until his soulmate comes along to free him. Enter, Wei Wuxian.

many fox given by defractum (nyargles)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28178061

Summary:Lan Zhan is glaring at him. That's probably fair.The last time they'd seen each other, Wei Ying had been digging through Lan Zhan's garbage. They'd made eye contact over the shredded bags, the week's trash scattered around him like stinky, oversized Lego.Lan Zhan's eyes had been wide with horror, and Wei Ying's had been equally wide with feigned innocence. He'd reached out slowly, maintaining the eye contact, and then flipped over the food waste bin full of onion peel and carrot skin as a distraction and slunk off into the night. Probably not his finest moment.-Modern AU dragon!LWJ meets fox!WWX.

Cultivation of the Pack by Midshipsman

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28481901

Summary:A modern werewolf AU: Cultivator clans are all werewolf packs, hidden from the mundanes but still fighting to keep the world safe. Years ago, the Yiling Alpha was defeated, his pack all slain, but now he has been summoned back into the body Mo Xuanyu, an omega from the Mo Pack.Now Wei Ying is alone, packless, an omega out on his own... And the full moon, with its erotic frenzy, is in just two days. Luckily, Wei Ying soon runs into someone from his past: Lan Zhan, an alpha and an old friend, who is more than happy to give Wei Ying his bite and welcome him into his pack—and his bed.

Lay All Your Love In Me by Dei_Starr (DeiStarr), DeiStarr

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27290881

Summary:Bunny!Hybrid Wei Ying and Dragon!Hybrid Lan Zhan sneak around Cloud Recesses in a clandestine relationship until they eventually get caught together. A hasty marriage is arranged to avoid any possible scandal.Since they aren't allowed to see each other until the wedding, Wei Ying is just grateful that they talked about all of the important things ahead of time - yes, they want to get married eventually so it won't matter if somebody catches them together; Lan Zhan will need to get Wei Ying pregnant with his eggs when they want to have children; Wei Ying is Trans Male, AFAB; etc.So it's not like there'll be any unexpected surprises on their wedding night, right?

come away, o human child by merelydovely

https://archiveofourown.org/works/30345987

Summary:“Who was it, shijie?” asks Wei Ying after a short silence. “Who was the dragon in disguise?”“The tall, serious man in white,” says Jiang Yanli calmly, unaware of the way she’s just torn the bottom out of Wei Ying’s stomach. “He was wearing a ribbon around his forehead. Otherwise I might not have made the connection.”Oh fuck, thinks Wei Ying. Lan Zhan is a fucking dragon?---Wei Ying is invited to visit the home of his enigmatic new friend Lan Wangji. It just so happens that Lan Wangji’s home is a mountain palace full of immortal water guardians who all seem to have extremely alien ideas about what’s appropriate in public.

These Mortal Treasures by ChilianXianzi

https://archiveofourown.org/works/31960087

Summary:"Is that something that Wei Ying would like?" Lan Wangji asks softly, carefully, "To be kept?"There's that fleeting, lost look in Wei Ying's eyes once more, and Lan Wangji thinks it's unacceptable - That Wei Ying had not felt welcomed in his own home, so much so that he decided to wander the world away from it. So much so that he is afraid that he would be unwelcome as well elsewhere.Lan Wangji barely stops himself from hissing, from letting the steam of his icy breath escape in the close air between them. He only vaguely remembers the Jiangs, a young Cultivation Clan barely a century old, but his disdain towards them feels ancient now in the wake of all this. How foolish of them, to simply let go of someone so bright, someone so unfailingly kind and giving.How convenient, for Lan Wangji's own gain.

破镜重圆 / love always wakes the dragon by lianhua_lianzi

https://archiveofourown.org/works/32380378

Summary:“So, let me get this straight,” Wei Wuxian said through a mouthful of egg. “You’re an immortal dragon. Your name is Lan Zhan, courtesy name Lan Wangji, whatever that means—you don’t look like a Wangji—and I’ve been feeding you and bathing you and telling you my most embarrassing secrets for the past month?” Wei Wuxian’s past life comes home to roost when he finds a dragon at his door.

wind and rain by hauntedotamatone

https://archiveofourown.org/works/32904709

Summary:Wei Wuxian is sent away to his death in order to save the sect that raised him off of the streets from a slow and painful end. He does not expect to find someone just as bound by obligation as himself.Summary:The very oldest citizens of Yunmeng, only two of them remaining, remember the last time that rain ceased to fall and the wind stopped blowing, and they remember well what finally brought it back.It’s in the Jiang Clan annals as well, but this particular secret is well kept.One hundred years ago, a great-great aunt of the current sect leader was sent up the mountain in wedding red.She did not return, but the rain did.So, there is nothing else to do.

Paths of Light and Darkness Converge by ataratah

https://archiveofourown.org/works/31952545

Summary:Everyone knows that Wei Wuxian died before the Sunshot Campaign even began.Everyone knows that the Yiling Patriarch is a huli jing, a trickster fox spirit, that practices demonic cultivation for nefarious purposes.Everyone knows that there’s no way a righteous sect, let alone the hidebound Lan sect, would accept the Yiling Patriarch into their clan....Everyone is wrong.Or, when the notorious Yiling Patriarch marries Hanguang Jun to save the Wens, nothing in the cultivation world will ever be the same again.

Fox breeding by Anonymous

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26724472

Summary:In theory, the malleable nature of a fox-spirit’s body made them the ideal partner for a dragon seeking to lay their eggs, it was really a wonder that there were no records of any match between the two clans. There was no precedent they could imitate for what they were about to try. Instead they would have to improvise, but Wei Wuxian was a master at improvising, and with his beloved husband at his side, there were no limits to what he could achieve.

Magic Carpet Ride by ariskamalt

https://archiveofourown.org/works/31419680

Summary:In a cave appears a dragon.Wei Wuxian, of course, gets fucked.

[suoyou]

[wip] 凤凰涅槃; phoenix rising

incomplete wip. 9034 words, rated t.

wangxian court intrigue + wuxia + wingfic au, in which wwx is the lost phoenix and lwj is royal scholar. this is actually a collection of scattered scenes through the first act of the fic!

dwell too long in the fire and even the phoenix will burn.

Wei Wuxian holds a rotting mango in his hand. 

Pungent, slippery as an oiled wok and twice as dangerous, it’s just a few days too old for optimal flavor—but he does not plan to eat it. No, he’s going to throw it. 

A well-aimed piece of fruit and the right audience and a stomach just empty enough that the metallic edge of hunger has begun to bite makes for a good show. Wei Wuxian teeters like a gargoyle on the upturn of a roof, all his weight balanced in a crouch, waiting for the fishmonger to pass by beneath him. The market teems with citizens who have come early to buy the freshest kills and produce that the morning has to offer, the smell of frying jianbing wafts in thick curls up to Wei Wuxian’s perch. His belly rumbles. His last meal had been during sunrise the day before. 

“Fresh fish!” shouts the fishmonger. His mule’s head bobs dark and feisty as it tugs his cart along. Behind them, their wagon is crammed with quivering tubs full of water and writhing fish. “Fresh from the docks this morning! Fresh caught! Carp and eel and shrimp! Killed and scaled and gutted if you ask! Fresh fish!”

Wei Wuxian rocks up onto the knobs of his knees. The tiled roof digs into his skin--what are you doing here, flightless bird? His weapon of choice bleeds a thin, honeyed line of juice from his wrist to his elbow. He takes aim. 

A little commotion in a crowded market goes a long way. One spooked mule, one fishmonger, and a wagon full of uncovered tubs of live catches? What could go wrong? The sun hammers on his back, asking him what he’s waiting for. The mule’s flanks are exposed around its saddle and harness. Wei Wuxian screws one eye shut and sticks the tip of his tongue between his lips as he raises his mango, and--

“I’ll bet my daughter!”

A disturbance rises above the cheerful twang of the market below. It comes from the gambler’s stall, tucked away by the liquor stand. What a smart, slimy placement. 

“Is this man crazy?”

“What kind of father are you?”

“How disgusting, to gamble with your daughter’s life!”

Wei Wuxian frowns. Below him, the fishmonger passes, and the crowd molds around his wagon like ants around a snail. A pustule of a man hunches over the gambler’s stall with a girl of no more than nine or ten in his grip as he snarls in the proprietor’s face. His clothes are stained and dirty, and his eyes are yellow with jaundice. Anger flares hot as a kicked hornet’s nest in Wei Wuxian’s belly, muting the hunger, when the drunkard yanks on his daughter so hard that she trips into the table. 

Without thinking, Wei Wuxian shouts, “Hey, you, ugly dog at the gambler’s table!”

Dozens of heads turn to stare. 

Wei Wuxian lobs the mango with all his might. 

It whistles over the street like a lumpy, bulbous pigeon, dripping as it goes. The man is too drunk, or too hungover to move out of the way--he simply watches, jaw slack, not seeming to realize that he’s in the way until it splatters him square in the face and explodes in a shower of golden muck. He howls, clawing at his skin, and in the process lets his daughter go. She falls because she’d been unbalanced, hard into the street on her elbows. Some of the mango carnage had splattered onto her. Orange-brown bits drip off her chin like fat, gummy tears. 

The drunkard points a trembling, furious finger at Wei Wuxian. “You--!” 

“Me? What about me? Worry about yourself first. Worry about your daughter!”

A small crowd has gathered to watch the spectacle--this man, covered in sticky mango goo and attracting flies, and this vagrant shaking with laughter on the roof. He is so close to the edge, yet balances in place without any unsteadiness, with the surety of someone who is always in high places. 

“You are a coward, staying on the roof! Get down here and fight me with your fists, like a man!” shouts the drunk. His daughter tugs on his sleeve behind him as the crowd thickens.

“A-die, A-die, let’s go--”

“Let go of me, you useless girl.” He shakes her off. “Good for nothing, waste of space. Not even good enough for gambling money.”

Wei Wuxian frowns. A hushed gasp races through the bodies below as he stands and tips from his perch on the roof, tumbling once before alighting in the street. His shoes stick to the pavement from the tack of juice. The man barely makes it up to his chin, and his skin is splotchy from alcoholism; his clothes are patches which means he had family members whose kindness he did not deserve at home. 

“What,” says Wei Wuxian, tucking his hands behind his back. He’s not above mango-throwing, but he’s not going to fight a man in front of his young daughter. Now that’s just bad manners. “You really want to fight me? Just take my advice, sir. Go home. Take your daughter and your money and buy some food, and go home. Don’t make me throw another mango at you. That was going to be my lunch.”

“I’m not scared of men like you. Arrogant and scornful, just looking for a fight! I ought to break your--”

Wei Wuxian intercepts the man’s fist before it can connect with his face.

He fights like a commoner would, crude and unpolished, with his thumb tucked inside his fingers. Rookie mistake. His eyes bulge like a frog stepped on as he tries to force his way through Wei Wuxian’s grip, face turning the color of puce as he fails comically. Wei Wuxian digs his nails into the back of the man’s hand, trembling with the effort of holding him in place, and then he shoves him back. 

The man goes sprawling in the street, and the crowd shuffles back, as if to avoid a particularly filthy swine. 

“A-die,” says his daughter, trying to help him up, but he swats at her. “A-die.”

“Go.”

Not without spitting at Wei Wuxian’s feet. He simply laughs, because it’s such a silly, juvenile thing, and then, like an infection clearing, the citizens around him scatter back into the day. 

Wei Wuxian claps his hands together, then wipes his palms on the seat of his robes. “You really ought not to entertain patrons who have clearly started to lose their control,” he says to the proprietor of the gambling stall. They wipe down the edges of their table with a dusty rag where the carnage of fruit clings. “Soon he will trade his whole family away for nothing but a nugget of gold.”

The proprietor scoffs. “And who are you?”

“Someone nice enough to clean his mess up. Sorry for this, by the way,” says Wei Wuxian. He starts straightening sacks full of supplies--coin bags, a set of rings, vases clinking fluted and musical against each other. They must run a games stall elsewhere in the city; Wei Wuxian has seen these prizes before. 

“Who asked you to be a vigilante, anyway.” The proprietor shakes his head. “You look for trouble, boy.”

“The only thing sweeter than trouble is justice,” says Wei Wuxian, laughing at the distaste the proprietor levels at him. He chases a few escaped scrolls that have tumbled from their sack.  “Ah, don’t be like that. I really am sorry, I didn’t mean to interfere with business, okay? I just don’t like to see--”

One of the scrolls has unfurled enough for Wei Wuxian to catch a glimpse of the ink painting. Beneath the glimmer of midday sun the paper is so buttery that Wei Wuxian expects for his fingers to come away slick when he picks it up, letting the scroll’s weight pull the painting the rest of the way open. 

The brushwork is unfamiliar. Mountains studded with frosted clouds, a lake, a tiny figure of a man at the silver waterline. A spray of peonies cradles the scene in its petals, done with a brush so fine that the artist could have drawn it with a single human hair. Wei Wuxian doesn’t recognize it--not the art. He hadn’t opened it for the art. 

A red seal dots the corner of the painting like a button of blood. Wei Wuxian would recognize it anywhere--anyone should recognize it anywhere. Being in possession of something with a seal like this, without explanation, could earn an axe to the neck. 

“Sir,” he asks, staring at the painting, “how did you come across a painting done by the imperial family?”

The proprietor’s eyes widen, and they make a wild lunge for it. Wei Wuxian is taller, though, and jerks it out of reach, rolling the scroll back up so the paper won’t tear. “Give it back!”

“Aha! What is it? Tell me. How did you come across a treasure like this?”

“It’s nothing.”

“Hmm. So if I simply walk away with it, you will also simply shrug, and let me be on my way?” Wei Wuxian raises his eyebrows when the proprietor glowers. “Ah, so it mustn’t be nothing. Not with a look like that. Do tell.”

“It’s none of your business.”

Wei Wuxian chews on his lip, smiles. His stomach rumbles, already two cartwheels ahead, but he needs to slow down and think. “Can I pawn it from you?”

“I’d like to see you try, boy. Give it here!”

Wei Wuxian sighs. “I would not try. I would give it back to you, if you asked nicely, but oh--oh, the danger of another person knowing that you have a painting with an imperial stamp on it, with no way to explain how. Unless you’d like to tell me. But you’ve made it clear as day that you’re not interested in letting me know, so you’ll just have to let a stranger go, knowing he carries this secret, not knowing who he is, not knowing what he’ll do.” He holds the scroll out now. “But of course, I cannot take what’s mine. Shame. Here you are.”

The proprietor had listened to him speak with a vague, mounting fear in his eyes, and when Wei Wuxian shakes the scroll at them, they shrink back as if he’s shaking a dismembered arm at them.

“What, don’t want it now? Didn’t you want me to hand it over?”

“What are you playing at,” the proprietor asks. “Are you a palace spy? What do you want?”

Laughter leaps from Wei Wuxian’s mouth. “Me, a palace spy? Oh, no, no, no. I’m afraid not. Palace spies have much more important things to do than to sniff out thieving proprietors. Tell you what. I take this off your hands and you don’t have to worry about your neck, or your family’s necks, and in return, I won’t tell them where I found it. Hm?”

“You plan to give it back to the imperial family?”

“Of course,” says Wei Wuxian. “All things return to where they belong in the end.”

So as it goes, Wei Wuxian is one mango poorer, but one imperial painting richer, and he cannot tell if he is better off for it. He tucks the scroll into his knapsack and the key that hangs around his neck back into his collars and scans the market for weak spots, opportunities to win more food than he has money for. The rotten mango had been stupid luck, and luck is a finite resource which Wei Wuxian does not have much of to begin with, so he’s going to have to work for the rest of his food today. 

A surreptitious scrap of pink peeks out from behind the liquor stall and Wei Wuxian only catches a glimpse of the girl before she tucks herself behind the wooden beams again. Oh--the drunk’s daughter. She’s alone now. Irritation bubbles in the pit of Wei Wuxian’s stomach when he pictures the man shaking her off, lumbering towards another gambling stall that will entertain his time, and he has half a mind to--

“Fresh meat buns! Made this morning. Pork and chicken and mushroom!”

Wei Wuxian catches up to the bun cart, falling into step with the vendor. “Shifu, how much for one?”

“One bronze piece for three.”

“Can I get five for one bronze piece?”

“Are you deaf or just stupid? No. Get lost.”

“Please, shifu,” Wei Wuxian says, he gestures behind himself in the direction he’d seen the little girl, “my daughter, she hasn’t eaten in days, and we’re here to see the doctor and he turned her away on account of the fact that we have no money, and she’ll only get sicker if she doesn’t have any food in her system, our family is still waiting at home, please have mercy--”

“Heavens! Good heavens, fine, here! Take these misshapen ones, they’re an eyesore, anyway.”

“Thank you!” Wei Wuxian fishes the bronze piece out of his money pouch, fingertips poking through the holes in the bottom like eyes, and collects his spoils. “Thank you, Shifu!”

“Get outta my sight.”

Wei Wuxian holds his armful of buns to his chest, and their heat warms him through his clothes down to his bones. It’s a relatively cool day, even for autumn. When he turns around again, the girl scrunches herself back into the safety of the shadows, and he chuckles to himself. The liquorist eyes Wei Wuxin warily when he approaches, but he simply seats himself on the other end of the stall and opens his carrying cloth full of lopsided buns. Ugly, unwhole, but still good for hunger. Still good. 

“Could I interest you in a bottle of rice wine?” 

“Ah, no, it’s fine,” Wei Wuxian flaps his hand. “I am not wont for liquor, but perhaps some company to share these buns with. I have far too many to finish on my own. But I don’t know who’d want these ugly buns. Certainly not you, Shifu, I’m sure?”

The girl peeks out from behind the stall, and Wei Wuxian smiles. “Want one?”

She scampers to sit down in front of him, reaching out with sooty hands for a bun at the top of the bile. The skin of it is pearly in the noon sun, giving under touch, the way only fresh steamed buns are. Then she hesitates, looking into Wei Wuxian’s face as if expecting to be struck.

“Go ahead,” he says, holds the bun out. “Eat.”

She snatches it and crams half of it into her mouth, and Wei Wuxian chuckles again. He knows hunger like this, and takes his own portion to tear into. The sweet smell of pork and mushroom and oil floats up into his eyes, and for a moment the meat sears on his tongue before it settles into a taste. 

“Is it good?” he asks.

She nods. 

So it’s good.

“Where have you been? Wei Wuxian, I ought to cut you off at the kneecaps! A-Jie’s been worried sick, you were supposed to be back over a shichen ago.”

“I ran into a friend, Jiang Cheng. Lighten up, will you? Here, I got buns.”

“Keep your stupid buns. Where’s the fish you were going to get?”

Wei Wuxian scratches at the back of his neck. “Ha. Well, about that.”

“Seriously? I can’t believe you. If it weren’t your birthday, I really would cut you off at the legs.”

“But it is, so instead, you need to be nice!” Wei Wuxian crows triumphantly. 

Jiang Cheng sighs, a gust of hot summer wind that picks up stinging sands. A wisp of his hair flits with his breath. He’s wearing his nice clothes, no doubt because A-Jie made him, with a polished belt tucked around his waist like the coil of a sleeping snake. It’s a formality that they hardly ever bother with anymore, not in such a provincial town as this, leading a life as threadbare as theirs. The shine of the buckle comes off of him in bright flashes. 

“Whatever. Come on, A-jie made noodles. Where’d you get buns?”

“Oh, so you do want one. Here, I know you like chicken.”

“Don’t tell me you managed to snatch all of these,” Jiang Cheng asks, but he takes the one Wei Wuxian offers anyway. “Who likes chicken,” he mutters, mostly to himself.

“I just harnessed a talent that you have never quite mastered, Jiang Cheng,” Wei Wuxian says. “Charm.”

“I ought to smack you.”

“There was a hungry kid. I didn’t want her to go hungry.”

Jiang Cheng is quiet. “We all are, why go help a stranger?”

“Wouldn’t you have wanted someone to help us back then?”

At this, a grunt. Which, coming from Jiang Cheng, is as enthusiastic a yes he’ll give, so Wei Wuxian smiles to himself and slings his sack of food over his shoulder. He’s down to two now, and he figures he’ll just give both of them to A-Jie who deserves much more than two pork buns, but it’s the best he has. One day he’ll get her expensive candied mangoes and hawthorn berries that the baker makes in the market in the next city over--the one that glitters.

“A-Cheng, A-Xian! You’re back!”

“Found him scaling the wall back into the hutong,” Jiang Cheng grumbles. “Punk.”

Jiang Yanli, too, is wearing her nicest set of robes today, with a hair ornament that Wei Wuxian hasn’t seen her with since the new year. Her face clears of worry when she sees them, and she reaches up, straightens a lock of Wei Wuxian’s hair where it’s caught over his ear. “A-Xian, you’re not--you know that you shouldn’t--” 

“Scale walls, climb to great heights, jump off roofs, I know, I know,” Wei Wuxian says, vividly recalling that he has done all of the above and then some today. “Sorry to make you worry, A-Jie, I’m fine! I got you buns. You can have them both.”

“But what about the fish? A-xian, we were going to make one for dinner for you.”

“Ah, fish or no fish, it’s no matter. Noodles are good enough. As long as I can live a long life, luck will always come back around.” 

“What if your whole life is plagued with bad luck?” asks Jiang Cheng as they duck back into their hut of clay and brick. The curtains are open, a rare moment of Jiang Yanli letting daylight peek inside, and it lights up their matchbox home in a wash of sunset. Bowls of steaming noodles are set out on the rickety slice of table, with the biggest in front of the seat where Wei Wuxian always sits. His heart swells. He’ll be forcing mouthfuls of noodles into his siblings’ bowls when they sit down, he’s sure, but for now his heart is the pulse of afternoon sun in the window. 

“Then my next life,” says Wei Wuxian. “My next one won’t be nearly as bad.”

The Lost Phoenix is lost. I think that’s the point. No one will ever find them. You will die looking for them.

Wei Wuxian is built from broken things. 

He sees rubble and thinks, that is a home. He sees blood and thinks, that is a heart. He sees himself reflected in the slow meanders of swamp-green lakes lazy with dragonflies and skeeters and tries to remember, that is a human, that is a human, that is a human.

“You may not be human, but that is what makes you worth loving,” is what A-Jie says. 

“You? A human? With an appetite like that? It’s like trying to feed a void with you,” is what Jiang Cheng says, which is basically the same thing. 

Wei Wuxian is built from broken things, but the uglier, eyesore-pork-bun truth is that he is born from destruction. He is born from the fire of things, and the ashes of himself; his body waits for the wither. 

The Lost Phoenix is dead. His ashes were scattered in mountain, sea, and sky.

The Lost Phoenix is alive! Everyone knows that leaving behind but a single ember can spark a wildfire. Fire has wings.

No human, ghost, or demon has ever seen the Lost Phoenix. If they had, wouldn’t we have heard by now? They are only a legend.

There are scars on his back to prove what he once was and never will be again, and Jiang Yanli tells him, The world was not ready for you. The world, perhaps, will not be ready for the Lost Phoenix to return for as long as we still walk upon it, A-Xian, but maybe when one day when everyone is gone, when A-Cheng and I are gone, you’ll--

He always cuts her off there. Usually he can’t see her face, because she’ll be sitting behind him and rubbing oil into the muscles that can never seem to loosen around his shoulder blades, the ones that line the edges of the scars like mottled mountain peaks. Just two of them, in straight lines as long as a hand, glaring at each other over the expanse of his back, the winding groove of his spine. Phantom pains. Human or not, the body will miss limbs when they are gone. 

Tonight, Jiang Yanli does not tell him the world isn’t ready for him. It hurts to listen to her say it, because it’s not a pain that Wei Wuxian can beat away with his fists or even his words. There’s a quiet noise of the bottle being unstoppered, then the cloying scent of liniment oil wreathing around him as he sits with his back bared to her, hair swept over his shoulder. 

“A-jie,” he says. 

“Hmm?” Her hands are small and warm against his back, and he hisses in pain when her finger catches on a tight knot immediately. “Sorry, Xianxian.”

“It’s okay. Uhm, I have a stupid question.”

“I’m sure it isn’t. Ask.”

“Which birthday did we celebrate tonight?” he asks quietly. 

The inside of their hut is a dark, uneven indigo now, the fires of the village filtering in through their window. Jiang Cheng has gone to bathe, so the only answering noise above the sound of a city settling in evening is Jiang Yanli’s soft laughter. 

“Your thirty-first, A-xian.”

“How many years have passed in this life?”

Her hands disappear as she dabs more liniment oil onto her fingers. “Since your reincarnation?”

“Yeah.”

“Thirteen.” 

“Thirteen,” Wei Wuxian repeats. “Thirteen.” He rolls it over his tongue, trying to figure out how it tastes. Bitter, a little. like medicine. Maybe it’s the liniment. Jiang Yanli runs her thumb down the edge of one of the scars, massaging out a few particularly gnarly knots there. 

“Is there something wrong?” she asks. 

“Not wrong, exactly.” Wei Wuxian pushes his fingers into his folded robes in his lap, pretends the fabric is sand and silt at the bottom of a lake. He almost expects handfuls of snails when he pulls them back out. “It’s just that, with every passing year, I think maybe this is it--this is the year I’ll remember. This is the year I’ll remember the things about my life before this one. Remember when I tried to teach you and Jiang Cheng how to catch fish with your hands, in the river, A-Jie? You said you could see them beneath the surface, but when you’d reach in to grab it, it was like the fish were never even there.” 

“I remember,” says Jiang Yanli. She is quiet, waits for him to go on. 

“Trying to recall my first life is like that. I know it happened. I can see it right there, flickering under the water, but. But each year comes and goes, and not only do I not remember anything, it feels like more and more of what I thought I could remember slips away,” says Wei Wuxian. “I was excited in the eighth year of this life. Then I was excited in the twelfth. Thirteen is no good, is it, A-Jie? I’ve run out of lucky numbers to count on.”

“Would it make you happy to remember, Xianxian?”

“I think so. When I think about it--it’s funny, you know. Maybe you know. I can’t recall memories from it, exactly, but when I think about my first life, I think I remember being happy. Like when you roll over and the sun is already up. You can feel the warmth on you even if you don’t see the light.” Then Wei Wuxian snorts. “That doesn’t make any sense. Sorry, ignore me, A-jie.”

“It makes sense. Of course it makes sense. Is that all you remember, a feeling?”

They’ve been over this before. A hazy, murky image of something from Before, dredged up from packed soil. Jiang Cheng will always say, “Who knows? Why do you think I would remember?” waspish, and Jiang Yanli would always give him a soft, “Perhaps it was, A-xian.”

“I remember,” he says, “that we were in a noble family, once.”

This is an easy one. She always says yes to this one. “We were.”

“I remember that the palace walls were lined with bronze, not gold like a lot of the common folk think.”

“Yes, they are.”

“The accident.” The one that has turned him into this. 

“I wish you did not,” says Jiang Yanli.

“I don’t--not really. I just remember the pain. My body does, anyway.”

“Muscle has memory,” she says. “But because you are who you are, so does your blood and bones.”

Wei Wuxian fiddles with the gap-toothed key that swings from his neck. It thunks hollowly against his bare chest without the robes to hold it in place, and he tugs the deerskin rope that loops around his neck so that the knot tying it together comes down, down, down, through the hole in the key, up, up, back up again, a miniature comet’s orbit. 

“You were a princess,” he says, quiet again.

“Princess is a strong word.”

“But you were.”

“In my own way.”

And then, the most solid memory he has—a figure in white, with hair that fell to their waist, holding a smudge of pink in their hand. Solid, but blurred, like Wei Wuxian is trying to see them through a sheeting waterfall. The lines of their body were straight and crisp, except for the pink. The pink was always soft, parting the mud of his memory. 

He doesn’t mention this one, usually. Wei Wuxian holds it close to his heart where it has roots. Year after year, no matter the rains, nothing has flowered. Seasons have passed. 

“A person,” Wei Wuxian murmurs. 

Jiang Yanli’s hands slow. “Who?”

“I don’t know,” says Wei Wuxian. “Just a person. Their back is to me, so I can’t see their face, but it’s too blurry for me to see them, even if they’d been right in front of me. And they were just standing there--just standing. Nothing else. I don’t even really know if they’re real, but it’s the best memory I have.” He digs his nail into an indent in the key’s teeth. “Do you think they were real, A-Jie?”

“As real as the Lost Phoenix is.”

Wei Wuxian laughs weakly. “The Lost Phoenix is as good as myth.”

A myth meant to scare people.

A cautionary tale.

“The Lost Phoenix needs to stop squirming, or I will poke the sensitive parts of his scar, and I know he hates it when I do,” Jiang Yanli says. 

A story about a monster.

“Maybe it’s better to forget some things, A-Jie.”

“A-Cheng and I only want you to be happy, Xianxian. Whatever that means to you. Whether that means remembering or forgetting.”

“I want to remember, because your happiness is my happiness,” Wei Wuxian insists, turning around. Jiang Yanli lifts her hand away as he rearranges his legs in a half-lotus, one foot stretched out onto the floor. “I want to remember because I know this life isn’t one you and Jiang Cheng would have chosen if you both had a choice. You can’t say I’m wrong about that. No noble family member would choose to live in a rundown hutong if they had a choice.”

“A-Xian--”

“I know you won’t tell me what happened before my reincarnation,” says Wei Wuxian. “I know you want to forget. But if anything ever happens that means we can go back to it--you have to say so, okay? You both are the only family I have left. Let me do something for the people who have somehow kept me alive for thirty-one years. I can’t remember eighteen of them. As if I started reading in the middle of the story. There are things I know without knowing how I know them.”

Whether it be a story, a tale, legend, or myth, one thing was certain: the Lost Phoenix is the last known survivor of the Phoenix Rising, once the most revered noble family of the imperial city, the warrior family that protected the throne. 

Forged from the Sacred Fires of Scarlet Mountain, the Phoenix Rising once was so formidable that simply meeting one of them in their true form was a sign of luck and good fortune. They were, as their family name suggested, bewinged humans who lived and died and rose again from their own ashes. They were skilled in combat, nimble in war, with the ability of flight. They harnessed Taoist magic that was only spoken of in books. 

A secular world did not have room for magic.

“Our A-xian,” says Jiang Yanli, shaking her head, “always hurts himself trying to make us happy before he remembers he has a heart, too.”

“Ah, what good is a heart if I can’t deal it out in pieces for my didi and my jie?” says Wei Wuxian. “It’s not like anyone else has any use for it.”

“That’s not true,” Jiang Yanli murmurs. 

“Hm? What’s that?”

“Nothing, Xianxian.”

“You have my promise, A-Jie,” says Wei Wuxian. “It’s us three until the end. Never apart. If I can bring you and Jiang Cheng back to the glory days before this life, then I’ll do whatever it takes.”

She’s quiet, then dabs a light gauze over his skin to absorb the excess liniment oil. Both of them know it won’t be possible--even if they were a lower noble family, there wasn’t a ticket back into the royal city unless you saved the emperor from death or something equally as momentous. Save the empire, or something. Wei Wuxian dreams big, but he’s realistic. 

“Thank you, Xianxian,” she says, finally. 

“It smells like old people in here,” Jiang Cheng announces, as absurdly loud as new year firecrackers when he comes back inside. He smells of freshwater and sand, and he tracks an inky line of water where his wet shoes stamp footprints into the floors. “I know you’re another year older now, but you’re really getting started early.”

“If I’m so old, then you better talk to me with respect, punk,” Wei Wuxian says. Jiang Cheng may be loud, may be messy, but he chases away the strange, yearning sadness that tugs like a deep saltwater current on Wei Wuxian every time his birthday comes and goes. He loves his stupid, loud brother for it. “Hey! Where’s my kowtow? Where’s my ‘ge,’ then? Where’s my ‘Wei qianbei,’ huh? I’m so old, Jiang Cheng, pay your respects!”

“Screw you, Wei Wuxian. I’d sooner call you Old Man Wei. You’d have to rip out my tongue first.”

“Okay, come here then, my hands are free.”

“Gross! What’s wrong with you?”

And so night falls on another day, another year, and Wei Wuxian feels a little empty and a lot full, like a planet is breathing inside him. Jiang Yanli tugs on Jiang Cheng’s hair, makes him sit down so she can wrestle the tangles out of his drying frizz, and Wei Wuxian holds the lantern for light.

It’s enough. 

So what happened to them, the Phoenix Rising? Why have they disappeared?

Because they had power. Because they were loved, feared, and respected, all things an emperor should be.  

In the beginning, it was an honor to be the emperor that controlled the Phoenix Rising, for it took an equally distinguished ruler to command such a family, and for generations, the Phoenix Rising served the throne with grace. For generations, the empire was a glowing, golden city upon which the sun glittered, and the common folk called it the City of Gods. 

But at the end of a weak dynasty, the throne was seized by a bloodthirsty family that feared the Phoenix Rising and the power they held. People, monsters, kings, or gods? Did the citizens respect the throne? Or did the loyalty of their hearts lie with the strange, winged family that had for centuries been revered as the beacon of luck and fortune?

 Humans fear what they do not understand. Humans seek to destroy what they fear. 

And so the Phoenix Rising paid the steepest price.

“Did he mention it to you at all yesterday?”

“No! He never brought it up. That punk. I’m gonna wring his sorry little neck.”

“A-Cheng.” A rustle of wind through paper. Then, “We need to ask him where he found this. He could’ve been caught. He could’ve been killed.”

Wei Wuxian wakes to his siblings whispering. Whispers always come through dreams like shouts, and he’s having a very strange dream about walking through wire, except instead of coals at his feet, there is ash, and in the ash there are hundreds and hundreds of keys glinting red as squirting cherries. His feet are burnt and blistering, but he can’t run, can’t turn back, can only walk forward. 

There are no secrets in a single-room shack. No matter how quietly Jiang Yanli whispers, Jiang Cheng speaks loud enough to wake the whole town. 

“Nicked it, probably,” says Jiang Cheng now. A grudging respect colors his voice. “That’s probably why he took so long to get back yesterday.”

The bamboo sleep mat crackles beneath him as Wei Wuxian rolls over, then sits up. For a moment the world is a spinning top. Jiang Yanli turns, lowering something, and smiles when she sees him awake. Jiang Cheng, of course, is already swinging. 

“You dumbass! Where did you get this? If someone comes looking for it and finds it with us, do you know how dead we are?”

Then Wei Wuxian sees it--the painting that he’d charmed out of the hands of the gambling proprietor at lunch yesterday. Jiang Yanli holds it like a broken bird in her lap, and Wei Wuxian ducks when Jiang Cheng aims another swat at him. Mostly half-hearted, but he leaps to his feet and skips out of reach. 

“I was going to surprise you!” he says. “I didn’t even have a chance to tell you what I was planning. You don’t know how much money this could bring in the black market, Jiang Cheng, an imperial painting? Just think about it. I can just disguise myself, go at night--cover my face, you know--and we could stop living here. We could live in a real house, and we wouldn’t have to all share one sleeping mat.”

“A-Xian,” Jiang Yanli gets to her feet, too. Always graceful in a stark contrast to her two brothers, the lantern from which two wild tassels would dance in the wind. She lifts the painting up high so that she can point to the red seal in the corner. “Do you recognize this?”

“The imperial seal, right? Sure. Everyone does.”

“I’m going to puke blood,” says Jiang Cheng. 

Jiang Yanli ignores him. “You’re not wrong, A-Xian. But this is an imperial seal of a concubine.”

Wei Wuxian blinks. “Of the emperor?”

“Yes. Judging from the seal design, not just any concubine--she must be a consort, at least.” Jiang Yanli holds the paper closer to her face, trying to discern the characters. “Mo,” she mutters, unsure. 

“So we could sell it for even more money,” Wei Wuxian concludes.

“No, we are not going to sell it for money,” says Jiang Cheng. His face has darkened. 

“Are you crazy?” Wei Wuxian asks. “You said it yourself, if someone finds us in possession, it’ll be our heads. The faster we get rid of it, the less likely anyone is to know it ever passed through our hands at all.”

“Yeah, well, you probably should have considered that before you nicked it, genius,” Jiang Cheng snaps. “It doesn’t matter. Now that we have it, we’re going to use it.”

“Use it how, if not for money, then?” Wei Wuxian struggles to keep his voice low. Jiang Cheng is not making any gods damned sense--isn’t he the one who constantly talks about leaving this hutong under the guise of hating how cramped it is, when really, he and Wei Wuxian agree that they should move closer to the imperial city where there would be better houses and perhaps a respectable man for their sister to marry if she so wanted? 

“We’re going to use this to return to the imperial city.” 

A silence falls like a tree toppled in storm between them. 

“A-Cheng,” Jiang Yanli begins. 

“We are?” asks Wei Wuxian. “How would that even work?”

“You’re the best at telling lies.”

“Well, yes, I’m glad you have seen the light.”

“Think about it,” says Jiang Cheng. “An emperor's consort. It means she must have been in favor with the sitting emperor, Jin Huangshang. A painting with her seal on it. How would a painting by a favored concubine of the emperor end up out here?”

“Wound up in a gambling stall, no less,” Wei Wuxian says. Now that Jiang Cheng puts it that way--it’s more than a little strange. “Fine, say that we could use it as our golden ticket back into the imperial city. We’ll be lucky if the consort is dead. She won’t be around to ask any questions if there are holes in our story. What if she’s alive? What if she’s not a consort? What if she was hated, what then?”

“A-Xian,” says Jiang Yanli, setting her hand on his shoulder, and the touch is firmer than he’s used to. “Stop. You too, A-Cheng. Returning would be dangerous for us.”

“Dangerous how?” asks Wei Wuxian. There it is--that gap of the first eighteen years of his life rearing its mangled head. Sometimes it’s like trying to read a page of text with half the words blacked out, the ones left behind still beautiful, but without meaning. “A-Jie, I thought we were…”

“We were a lower noble family then, Xianxian. But it does not mean that the court is a safe place for any of us.”

“Jie!” says Jiang Cheng. 

“No, A-Cheng. We’re not going back. It’s not just for A-Xian’s safety, it’s for all of us.”

“Would we really be in that much danger?” asks Wei Wuxian. “If no one knows I’m the Lost Phoenix but the three of us, nothing would happen.”

Right?

“Jiejie,” says Jiang Cheng, his voice quieter than Wei Wuxian has ever heard it, “the Crown Prince has never married.”

Jiang Yanli’s face, for a dizzying heartbeat, is stricken. Something like pain and longing flashes through her eyes quick as the swing of an axe in cloudy morning, but then it’s gone, and she sighs. 

“What does the Crown Prince have anything to do with A-Jie?” asks Wei Wuxian. 

“That isn’t any of our business. Not even yours, A-Cheng,” she says. Wei Wuxian has never seen his sister like this, drawn up tall with her chin held high, and for a moment he sees the princess that she must once have been. Jiang Cheng, who is easily a head taller than her and twice as broad, crumples under the weight of her gaze. “We left because we wanted to. We’ve lived by this choice and we will continue to live by it. Now, both of you listen--A-Xian will do as he planned, sell this painting for whatever sum that traders will offer, and we won’t speak of it again. Understand?”

The tension swells like a fever between them. 

Wei Wuxian should be happy that his sister is on his side for this--when is it that she ever picks sides whenever he and Jiang Cheng argue? Any other time, he’d be hooting with laughter, rubbing it in Jiang Cheng’s face, but there is a deeply strange, melancholy expression on his brother’s face that does not suit him at all. 

“Fine,” says Jiang Cheng. He takes the scroll from Jiang Yanli, rolling it up with care, then shoves it into Wei Wuxian’s chest with considerably less care. “Get this shit out of my sight. I’m going out.”

Wei Wuxian watches helplessly as Jiang Cheng moves around their hut with jerky movements, jaw set with the pulse of anger. He gathers his knapsack and what meager rations of buns left over from the day before, no doubt stale and hard by now, and loops it around his shoulder. 

Then he’s gone, without another word. 

Wei Wuxian gnaws on the soft inside of his cheek. “A-Jie--”

“Don’t think too much about what A-Cheng said, Xianxian,” says Jiang Yanli. “He won’t show it, but he worries. You needn’t take what he said to heart.”

Jiang Yanli will say no more, no matter how hard he presses. He’ll press anyone until they give, but not her. She ducks her head when Wei Wuxian turns to her with his confused, hurt silence, as if she is waiting for his anger. He’d never be angry with her. 

“I don’t understand, A-Jie.”

“A-Cheng and I simply have different ideas of what it means to keep our family safe. He thinks it means returning. I think it means to stay.”

“But why would we be in danger?” he asks. “Does this have something to do with the Crown Prince? Did he know who I was? I guess so, or else why would Jiang Cheng bring him up? Did you know him? Could he help us?”

“No, he couldn’t.”

Wei Wuxian sets his mouth in a line. “Well, I should be off too,” he says. The sun has already started to burn back the clouds; he needs to find tonight’s dinner for the three of them. Maybe he should go after Jiang Cheng, press him for more details. Their sister, despite what anyone might think, gives far less easily than either of them. 

“Be careful, Xianxian,” she says. “Oh, are you taking the painting with you?”

“There’s no way I’m going to leave it here in case anyone finds it and you’re here by yourself. Worst case scenario, I throw it away, and we can pretend none of this ever happened.” He takes Jiang Yanli’s hands in his, squeezes them ruefully. “I’m sorry, A-Jie. I just thought it would help. I didn’t want you to argue with Jiang Cheng.”

“It’s okay.” She tucks his stray hairs over his ear. “Go. Come back safe, A-xian.”

He waves at her once when he steps out, and once more when he makes it to the end of the hutong and she becomes little more than a quilted patch of terrycloth in the distance, as he does every morning when he leaves. Jiang Cheng can’t have gone far in the time that he’s gone, unless he took off at a sprint, so Wei Wuxian lets the scented chill of autumn fill his lungs.

The Crown Prince. What a strange person to bring up. Wei Wuxian rifles through what he remembers hearing in taverns and pubs, filtered through the thick veil of alcohol. The Jin family sits upon the throne now, after staging a coup against the Wens and seizing power just over a decade ago. The Crown Prince would have to be a Jin prince. The Jin Emperor was said to be quite the philanderer and had more than enough sons from too many concubines to choose from. The Crown Prince must be quite a favorite, for an emperor with so many sons would not pay any mind to choosing the Empress’s sons if he so liked one from his concubine better. 

And this Crown Prince, according to Jiang Cheng, has never married. 

The look on Jiang Yanli’s face--frozen, bruised, a bird shot from the sky before it begins to plummet--was not one Wei Wuxian expected to see when she heard this news. If they’d known this prince, then he must have been around even before Wei Wuxian’s reincarnation. Jiang Yanli must have spoken of him. 

But all his memories can offer him are vague smudges of color and a person with pink like a fire in their hands. 

It’s too early for the fishmongers just yet, but the market brims with life as it always does. Wei Wuxian narrowly dodges a cart full of fresh flowers, a toothless grandfather with a bamboo hat pulling it along weakly. One of the wheels is crooked, wood squeaking against the stone pavement. 

“Shifu, your wheel,” says Wei Wuxian, plucking the canteen of oil tucked low against the cart. It dribbles out in a black splash. “There, that’s better, isn’t it?”

“Thank you, young man,” says the grandfather, and Wei Wuxian waits for him to turn his back to the street before plucking a lotus from the back of his cart and tucking it into his knapsack. For A-Jie, as penance for upsetting her so early in the morning. 

Jiang Cheng is not hard to find. He is poor at concealing himself, both in body and in voice, and he really is very bad at haggling. Wei Wuxian sidles up to him at a fruit stall, arguing with the vendor over a particularly ugly dragonfruit that looks more like a leathery handful of meat left too long in the sun than any respectable fruit. 

 “Now I think,” says Wei Wuxian, plucking it out of Jiang Cheng’s hand and ignoring his indignant scoff, “shifu, if you let this fruit sit out in your display, it would ruin the look of all the rest of your fruits. ‘Ah, look at this lovely display of dragonfruit. But what do we have here? A misfit! A miscreant! A monstrosity, really!’ And then you lose business. So really, we’re doing you a favor.”

“A favor?” says the vendor with disbelief. “What gall.”

Wei Wuxian laughs, then tosses the fruit back and forth between his hands and gives a quick jerk of his chin. “What do you say? Half off?”

“I can’t believe you weaseled him into giving it to us for less than half off,” says Jiang Cheng five minutes later. “You could talk your way out of your own--”

Wei Wuxian tosses his dragonfruit from hand to hand. “My own what?” Jiang Cheng’s knapsack hangs flat and sad against his back, crumpled like a dead leaf, so Wei Wuxian holds it open and drops the fruit inside. 

“Nothing. Never mind. What are you doing out here with that--thing?”

“Do you think I was going to leave it with A-Jie? No way. Imagine if she were alone and someone found her with it.”

Jiang purses his lips, nods. He tucks his thumb into the strap of his knapsack, a deadknot slung over his shoulder. “Have you thought about any stories?”

“What stories?”

“About what we’d say, if we brought it back to the imperial city.”

Jiang Cheng resolutely does not meet Wei Wuxian’s stare. 

“You want to go?”

“I just think that if we have a plan, A-Jie might be more willing to go. To be honest with you, if it were just to the two of us, it wouldn’t matter as much. We could sell the stupid painting, use the money. We could eke out an existence. It would fucking suck, but we could, and I wouldn’t feel guilty about it.”

“Ah, Jiang Cheng. You’re finally talking sense!” Wei Wuxian claps him on the back. When Jiang Cheng doesn’t shake his hand off, his smile falters. He must actually be worried. “Okay. We have to consider multiple scenarios, then, if we want this to be foolproof. We don’t want to make up a story where the concubine is alive when she’s dead. Or vice versa. So the first order of business is to figure that out.”

Jiang Cheng nods. “And what kind of favor she’s in with the emperor. The better, the easier for us.”

So, like peddlers, they spin their stories. 

+

The night blooms blue and foggy, the moon dropping light in handfuls of glass through the forest, and Wei Wuxian straightens to see that he is not alone. 

Someone else is in the mist with him. It’s thick enough that he cannot see their feet, so they could be floating. A man--just a bit taller than Wei Wuxian himself. His sword is drawn, lowered, as if he’d been pointing it before Wei Wuxian sensed him and stopped. The folded steel blade flashes. 

Blood sheets heavily down Wei Wuxian’s leg where the muscle has torn around the arrowhead, and haze sloshes in his skull. His brain is an upended bowl of goldfish. He grasps for words, for his thoughts, but they slip through his fingers. The stranger stares at him a bit in shock, a bit in horror, mostly in surprise. He opens his mouth. He closes it. He is wearing so much white he could be glowing, a star abandoned by its galaxy, and Wei Wuxian is the only one to find him. 

They stare at each other in the gloom. 

Wei Wuxian’s scattered goldfish thoughts say, Pink.

“Are you here to kill me?” asks Wei Wuxian. His words come out slurred even to his own ears. He needs to find Jiang Cheng. They need to get back to A-Jie. He needs to get out of here. 

“No.” The stranger steps towards him. “We mistook you for a prey animal. Are you badly hurt?”

“This? No, no. I’m fine. I need to go.”

“Your leg is injured.”

“It’s fine. I need to get back to--my wards,” Wei Wuxian says, catching himself before he says anything too revealing, pats himself on the back for staying in line even as his thoughts unravel. He picks his favorite story and sticks with it, hopes to any god that is listening it won’t get any of them killed. “My wards. They were with me. I was looking for Jin Bixia.”

The stranger has come so close that Wei Wuxian can make out every stitch of his robe. “What business do you have with the emperor?”

“I have a painting,” he mumbles around the haze. It’s a dark one, now. “My mother’s painting.”

Then darkness kisses his eyelids, and the night pulls him under. 

+

The scroll unfurls with the quiet hush of paper that has gone undisturbed too long. Even mounted on fine silk, the edges of the hemp and mulberry fibers have begun to wither, time nibbling as cruel and hungry as moths. The paper stretches on forever, nearly as tall as him fully unfurled. The cherrywood stick clacks upon the floor. 

Wei Wuxian’s mouth goes dry. He stares with seeing, then without comprehending, then without believing. 

The ink color has faded, like the paper, with age. Once the red might have leapt off the page, the greens so bright that spring grew from the painting itself, but all of it has flattened. It’s a simple composition. Where Mo Fu Ren had let her human subject be lost among the trees and sweeping landscapes, this painting is only one person, draped in textured golds and silk brocade embroidered with dragons. 

Simple, perhaps, but done by the hand of someone who held them beloved. 

His fingers shake when he reaches out. They hang back, and he pulls away, afraid that touching it might make the entire painting dissolve in his hands. 

Smiling serenely back at him is his own face, thirteen years younger, thirteen years less hungry—but it is him. His eyes are downcast, with a rabbit cradled in the crook of his elbow and a bird perched upon his shoulder. Without a doubt it is him. Even if he could not recognize his own face, the characters that march in little terracotta soldiers down the paper leave no room for guessing. 

The black ink is fresh, as if someone has run a brush through the strokes every year so that they can never fade. 

Wei Wuxian, they say. 

This can’t be right. He must be misreading. He blinks hard. 

His thoughts trip over each other’s ankles. They come in a clamoring flood, each wanting to be heard first, pored over first. Wei Wuxian. Had there been another before him? It is not a common name. It is not a name that would show up twice in the royal city if every noble family had the names of their descendants planned out for generations, no matter if the Phoenix Rising had been slaughtered by order of the emperor. Why is there a painting of him rolled up and locked away in the private study of Hanguang Gexia, second head of the scholar house to Emperor Jin? 

Did they once know each other?

How could it be that a key that Jiang Yanli gave him would unlock this desk?

There are corpses sleeping under their feet. This earth has been burnt and salted. 

An old ache starts in his spine. 

We were a lower noble family then, Xianxian.

Fire without coals. 

There was a person. Just a person.

Do not exhume these bodies. 

We left because we wanted to.

Something terrible must have happened to him. 

[rosethornewrites]

Monday & Tuesday T & G reading

The usual

Finished

Tumblr:

MXY marrying LWJ 2, by @shanastoryteller

Teen:

so close, hold me cose, by mistellation

Months after Wei WuXian's staged exile from Yunmeng Jiang, Jiang YanLi and Jin ZiXuan have had a date arranged for their wedding. Lan WangJi tells Wei WuXian, and then pampers her lonely, mistreated body.

Deconstruct, by flowercity (FaoriE)

At the other side of their bond there is a person waiting for him; a boy with a sunny personality and a penchant for mischief, the personification of everything the Lan sect abhors. Lan Wangji learns from early on that nothing good can come out of this, but it seems like Wei Ying is an expert in subverting everything he knows.

A soulmate AU where what you write in yourself appears on your soulmate’s skin.

General:

First Step After the Fall, by farawayanddreaming

Caring for Wangji had been such a big part of his childhood that he still missed it even decades after Wangji had become fiercely independent and unwilling to either be touched or taken care of.

(Lan Wangji is there for his brother during his seclusion, patiently waiting for Lan Xichen to be ready to rejoin the world.)

Ornament, by Befallings

For the Untamed Winterfest 2019 Prompt 2: Ornament

a grove without a name, by stiltonbasket (12 chapters)

Wei Wuxian was ten years old when he first began wearing mourning for his dead soulmate.

Eight years later, he meets Lan Wangji.

(Or, the one where a soulmate bond goes silent and shatters during the Sunshot Campaign, but Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji were always meant to be.)

Speed Dating, Wangxian Edition, by westiec

an AU where Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian connect over unlikely jobs at a speed dating event

Unfinished

Teen:

Lightning Tamed, by RJ_RJ

Jiang Fengmian travels back in time and decides to alter the course of history.

Shimei, A-Mei, A-Li, by fructosebat

At age 8, several days after Jiang-shushu had brought Wei Ying back to Lotus Pier, Wei Ying called Jiang Yanli ‘A-mei’ in Madame Yu’s hearing and was subsequently hit once with Madame Yu’s spiritual weapon, a whip made of lightning called Zidian. It was not Wei Ying’s first time being struck—he’d had plenty of that as a beggar child on the streets of Yiling—but it was his first time encountering a spiritual weapon in such a way and he couldn’t help but cry out in pain and surprise.

“You’re not her brother,” spat Madame Yu.

***

Or: what if Jiang Yanli was the youngest?

happier than ever ver. 2, by Edith343redwood

A modern AU where Jiang Cheng betrays Wei Wuxian....how will he react?

I Hope You Miss Me, Sometimes, by ideasnonexistant

Wei Wuxian, more than anything else in this life, desperately wanted a family.

aka WWX gets cast out, suffers, finds out people actually care about him, and shakes up the world

Truths Laid Bare For All, by Preludian_Staves

The betrothal letter comes in the Springtime with a Lan escort, changing how events happen in Wei Wuxian's life.

AKA Wangxian meets early before the Cloud Recesses lectures and slowly starts moderately sooner, some things change and others stay moderately the same. Plus WWX flourishing under the tutelage of the Lans when there isn't prickly Heir or his equally prickly mother lurking around that needs near constant appeasement and a truth serum is involved somewhere in the course of things.

The Twin Ghosts of Yunmeng, by sandupommelfrog

Yanli, Jiang Cheng, Jin Zixuan, Lan Wangji, and Wen Qing put together a plan to bring Wei Wuxian home and secretly resettle the Wen remnants and it goes well until it doesn’t.

The Twin Prides of Yunmeng have died in disgrace, but their memory haunts the cultivation world as demonic cultivators wreak havoc in Yunmeng and violet lightning strikes around the now cursed Lotus Pier.

Jiang Cheng doesn’t really understand what the fuck happened, but he has a sect to rebuild (again) and a nephew to raise, and all he can do is continue forward.

Restorition, by Yuunlan

A time travel fix-it where after his death, Wei Wuxian returns to the time before he was brought to Lotus pier. He decides that he is going to avoid everyone from his past and act on his own to try and prevent the events from the future, but little does he realize, his actions will change a lot more than he realized.

General:

Second Chance, by My1Dearest6Rose02

Dying after protecting Jin Ling, Jiang Cheng awoke back in the past. The time between after the massacre and the start of the war. Armed with the knowledge of the future. Can he change the past? Can he keep them safe and alive?

[crossdressingdeath]

It’s only western fans that try to do the whole “divide time working for each sect” thing. People don’t do that once they marry out of the family. Visits and spending time where you came from isn’t the same as saying you’re working for two sects. Wanting to keep that other family connection isn’t the same as dividing up your responsibilities.

YZY married into the Jiangs, that became her focus (whether she did it well or not doesn’t matter right now) and everything she did was in name of YunmengJiang, but we know she kept her home ties to her family since JYL goes to visit her grandmother there. JYL married into the Jin’s and anything she did after that was for the Jin’s, but we know family is important to her so she wanted to keep that tie alive.

No one argues that those two should have divided up their time and responsibilities between two sects. Why is it when WWX marries into a family, a family he’s actually happy to be a part of, it suddenly becomes this issue? No one keeps their old responsibilities when they marry out of a family, why does he have to?

And even if it was a common thing, WWX hates the new Lotus Pier. Even if he and JC managed to come to some sort of understanding, he hates what Lotus Pier is like now and longs for the past before everything went to shit. He’s happy doing things for the Lans, why would he cut that short for a place he’s canonly acknowledged he has no desire to return to?

Yeah, it’s the fact that people talk like WWX and LWJ should have to split their time between the sect that LWJ is quite possibly going to lead one day and the sect that JC threw WWX out of while not saying anything about YZY and JYL and how they very much do not split their time between their birth sect and their husband’s that gets me. Like, clearly it’s not people genuinely believing that someone who marries into a different family is obligated to spend half their time with the family they grew up with! If it was they’d expect YZY to go back to Meishan, or JYL to bring JZX to Lotus Pier for half the year! And bear in mind that canonically YZY hates Yunmeng and as far as we know at the very least thinks of Meishan fondly, while WWX is very happy in Gusu and has no desire to go back to Yunmeng.

Here’s the thing that always gets me with the “WWX and LWJ should split their time between Yunmeng and Gusu” thing. As you say, no one is obligated to uphold responsibilities in a place where they no longer live; as soon as WWX left Yunmeng he was no longer bound to serve the Jiang family. So if WWX is JC’s brother, there’s no reason to expect him to return to Yunmeng for anything more than the occasional visit; he’s married into the Lan sect, Gusu is his home, he should have no more responsibilities in Yunmeng than JYL did after her marriage. The only reason I can think of why WWX would be expected to return to Yunmeng for half the year when that isn’t his home is... if WWX was in some way bound to obey the Jiangs, or under contract to serve JC. So basically, if you see WWX as JC’s brother there’s no reason to expect him to spend half the year working in Yunmeng... but if you see WWX as some sort of servant, it makes perfect sense. If WWX is JC’s brother, he has the right to leave and make a new home somewhere where he’s truly happy and only return to the place he explicitly does not want to live in for short visits, if at all, but if he’s a servant who has to obey JC then of course he’d be expected to return to JC to serve him even after his marriage. It’s another one of those things where I feel like you can’t insist that this is a thing or should be a thing while saying that JC and WWX are brothers, because... well, siblings should not be expected to spend half their lives in a place we know they do not want to live because their brother doesn’t want to live alone (even though he’s lived alone for over a decade and also doesn’t live alone because he’s in an entire compound full of people but whatever).

[baoshan-sanren]

Chapter 32

of the wwx emperor au I’m thinking of calling Lan QiRen’s Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week oh god it’s only gonna get worse

Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 Part 1 | Chapter 8 Part 2 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 Part 1 | Chapter 15 Part 2 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Chapter 18 | Chapter 19 | Chapter 20 | Chapter 21 | Chapter 22 Part 1 | Chapter 22 Part 2 | Chapter 23 | Chapter 24 | Chapter 25 | Chapter 26 | Chapter 27 | Chapter 28 | Chapter 29 | Chapter 30 | Chapter 31

WangJi is deep in thought for the majority of the flight.

His mind keeps circling back to the string of incidents in the Immortal Mountain, insisting that even those events which may seem coincidental must be a part of a larger picture.

Except that there is no picture. There is only a patchwork of uneven pieces, refusing to fit into a coherent narrative. The information supplied by the Rogue Prince and his companion, instead of providing some clarity, only seems to make the pieces more distorted. Still, his mind is adamant that there is a connection to be made, one he simply cannot grasp.  

Thinking so, he does not catch his brother’s words right away.

They are flying side by side, the Emperor to their right, the escort comprised of both the Nie and the Lan Sect disciples flying at their back. WangJi does not ask his brother to repeat himself. Conversation while flying is difficult on the calmest of days; now, flying into the north-western winds which snatch their words away before they are fully formed, it is nearly impossible. He follows XiChen’s gaze to the Immortal Mountain City, noticing that the small lanterns illuminating the Five Phoenix Gate steps are finally visible. The wall surrounding the City rises tall to the north and the south. Approaching by the main road, a traveler could perhaps catch a glimpse of the gray stone, or if the sun is in the correct position, the gold phoenix rearing above the gate, but the City itself is well concealed from the eyes of those who have not been invited past its gates. At this altitude, however, WangJi can see a hint of roof peaks in the distance, as well as a mysterious bright light in the south part of the City.

For a few moments, WangJi is genuinely puzzled by the sight. Wei Ying--

He closes his eyes, scolding himself. Calling the Emperor Wei WuXian is too bold as it is, even in his own mind. It is infuriating, that the man can wreak such havoc on WangJi’s entire existence with nothing more than a few words.

I really like you.

I was not unprotected. Lan Zhan was with me.

No.

Someone in the Immortal Mountain is trying to assassinate the Emperor, and now, there is also a mass-murdering madman loose in YiLing. WangJi will not allow himself to grow distracted. He must be more cautious in governing his thoughts.

Wei WuXian had mentioned that lanterns are released from the Immortal Mountain as well, but this should have occurred hours ago. The Emperor’s palace is the heart of the City, located slightly to the north of the gate, and cannot be the source of the mysterious light.

“Fire,” Wei WuXian says on the other side of him, the words nearly lost in the rush of the wind.

When his voice comes again, it is louder, sharper, a voice that demands attention, “MingJue, those are flames. Something is on fire.”

As if Wei WuXian had issued an order, Nie MingJue separates himself from the formation with a burst of speed. The Nie Sect falls in rank behind him, arranging themselves to the left and right, a wedge that easily cuts through the wind. Soon, they are far ahead, dark robes fluttering in the wind.

“The main palace?” the Rogue Prince asks, “Another assassination attempt?”

He seems unruffled by the fact that someone might have attempted to burn down the Emperor’s palace. Flying on the other side of Wei WuXian, he also seems incredibly at ease for a man who is essentially flying blind.

“The flames are to the south,” Song Lan says, positioned directly behind him.

“Ah,” the Rogue Prince says, “curious. Guests are rarely placed to the south.”

WangJi’s heart drops, turning his knees weak.

The Peach Blossom Pavilion is south of the gate.  

His sword pierces the air. He can hear Wei WuXian’s shout, but the words are indiscernible, and already far behind him.

They had assumed that the target would be the Emperor. They had left uncle alone. Alone, in the Immortal Mountain City, in an old pavilion to the south, where no other guests can raise an alarm, even if they cared to. An easy, convenient target.

The Nie Sect is a blur of color and movement against the dark sky. He passes them in the space of a breath. At this speed, the cold air feels like a thousand icy blades on his skin, tearing at his robes, locking the breath in his chest. An alarm sounds the moment he passes over the wall. Wei WuXian had told him about the array, a harmless safeguard intended only to disorient. The sound of the bell ringing is loud enough to rattle his teeth, jarring and nauseating, pressing against his temples. He is out of its reach in a matter of moments.

The Peach Blossom Pavilion no longer has a courtyard wall. It looks to have been torn down in haste, blown in rather than out, bricks and mortar carelessly scattered. There is a chain of Imperial Guards, throwing water onto the flames. There is a barrier of spiritual power keeping the flames from spreading. But it feels quivering and fragile, as if the person holding it is nearing the point of exhaustion.

WangJi notices all of this, somewhere in his periphery, all of it small and unimportant. 

The Peach Blossom Pavilion is engulfed in flames.

He dismounts too early, misjudging the distance. When his feet meet the ground, his right ankle folds awkwardly, dropping him to one knee. 

The flash of pain is irrelevant. The shouts of the men around him are irrelevant. The waves of heat are scalding after the cold of the flight, making his eyes water. He thinks that someone has landed behind him. Someone is shouting his name. WangJi can see nothing but the wall of flames.

He has to get inside, he has to--

Something latches on to his robe, stopping him. His ankle and knee scream in pain as he tries to shake the grip off and fails. 

Fury overwhelms the fear. He whirls, Bichen leaving the sheath, the hilt still icy cold from the wind, flashing to dislodge whoever dares stop him.

It does not land. 

XiChen is by his side, his hand gripping WangJi’s wrist so tightly that his fingers immediately begin turning numb. The sound of other blades being unsheathed echoes sharply across the cobblestones, louder than the hungry roar of the fire.

The tip of WangJi’s sword is trembling at the hollow of Nie HuaiSang’s throat.

Nie HuaiSang’s gaze is dark. He does not blink. He does not speak. His breaths are steady and even.

WangJi knows Nie HuaiSang’s appearance well. He would never mistake the boy for someone else.

He had despised this creature from the first time he had laid eyes on him. He had felt pity, and resentment, and a grudging type of respect. But at this very moment, he cannot be sure whose gaze he is holding. This person, expression cold and calculating  despite the tip of a blade under his chin, utterly devoid of fear, is not the same Nie HuaiSang that WangJi had judged and found wanting. This boy is a stranger.

“He is at the Jade Sword Palace,” Nie HuaiSang says, his tone flat, “He has inhaled some smoke, but is otherwise unharmed.”

“WangJi,” XiChen hisses.

WangJi lowers the sword, but not by choice. A quivering rush of relief is sweeping through his muscles, threatening to knock him back down to his knees.

He swallows heavily. His throat feels raw from the wind and the smoke.

Nie HuaiSang takes a step back. The light of the flames shifts across his features, and suddenly, he is no longer a stranger, but the same boy WangJi had despised.

Unease ripples down WangJi’s spine.  

He thinks he understands now, why this boy is the Royal Companion to the Emperor.  

“Put your swords away,” Nie HuaiSang snaps at the Nie Sect, “If you want to be of use, put out the damn fire.”

They do not hesitate to obey. Nie HuaiSang opens his fan and wrinkles his nose.

“I will never get the smoke out of these robes,” he grumbles, then turns away.

The Emperor is standing behind him.

The Emperor is standing behind Nie HuaiSang, his sword still clutched in his grip, his face pale, his hair wild.

WangJi, who had almost killed the Emperor’s Royal Companion mere moments ago, finds that he cannot meet Wei WuXian’s gaze.

“Your Majesty,” Nie HuaiSang says, “we need to speak. In private. Please allow my brother to escort the Young Masters to the Jade Sword Palace. I have placed Lan QiRen in the Imperial guest chambers, but now it seems that we must find a home for a dozen Lan disciples too. Perhaps we can give them lodgings in the East wing?”

The heat of the flames keeps pressing against WangJi’s back, a physical touch he cannot get away from. Inexplicably, now that he knows uncle is safe, he feels small and fragile, as if a single word could shatter him to pieces.

He can see the flash of the Lan Sect robes; the disciples they had brought with them are standing some distance away and grouped close together, doubtlessly worried and afraid. The Nie Sect has joined the line of guards attempting to put out the fire. Someone is yelling at them to move faster; WangJi thinks he recognizes Wen Qing’s voice.

XiChen tugs on his wrist, pulling him away from the Pavilion, and WangJi does not resist.

[hamliet]

Hey there! I’d like to ask something, if you’re ok with that. In mdzs, a lot of people say that despite JC being so antagonistic towards WWX, he still loves him and misses him. I don’t see how, his actions in any version of the story say the exact opposite to me. Maybe one needs to look between the lines to see it, but I’m horrible at reading others, so if I may bother you and ask what your thoughts are on the subject?

Hey! You are always welcome to ask me questions about MDZS. Especially while we’re all trapped inside.

So I will say I do think Jiang Cheng does indeed love and miss Wei Wuxian. I also think the fandom has a tendency to wipe away Jiang Cheng’s extremely serious flaws (especially in comparison to, say, how they treat Jin Guangyao’s flaws in comparison). Jiang Cheng is very much a foil for Jin Guangyao and for Madame Yu, Wei Wuxian, and Jin Ling (as well as Su She, but that’s perhaps for another meta).

Jiang Cheng’s fundamental defense mechanism is projection. We know already that he is insecure–the way his father treated him is horrible. Madame Yu, in turn, was very clearly projecting her own insecurities onto her son:

Jiang Cheng was stuck between his father and his mother. After a moment of hesitation, he moved to his mother’s side. Holding his shoulders, Madam Yu pushed him forward for Jiang FengMian to see, “Sect Leader Jiang, it seems that some things I have to say. Look carefully—this, is your own son, the future head of Lotus Pier. Even if you frown upon him just because I was the one who bore him, his surname is still Jiang! … I don’t believe for one second that you haven’t heard of how the outside people gossips, that Sect Leader Jiang has still not moved on from a certain Sanren though so many years have passed, regarding the son of his old friend as a son of his own; they’re speculating if Wei Ying is your…”

She’s really asking: I’m here, so why don’t you care about me? Do you really prefer a dead Cangse Sanren to me? But the tragic irony is that the way in which she asks this question only pushes Jiang Fengmian away. And yet, she did love him, which Jiang Fengmian realizes when, in the end, he finds out Madame Yu had taught Zidian to obey his command as well as hers. Zidian is a symbol of her pride and heritage.

Let’s also look at MXTX’s description of Jiang Cheng’s ideal woman. While it’s not in the novel and is extra material, it’s a perfect example of projection:

naturally beautiful, graceful and obedient, hard-working and thrifty, coming from a respected family, cultivation level not too high, personality not too strong, not too talkative, voice not too loud and must treat Jin Ling nicely. 

Is he looking for a wife, or is he looking for Shijie to mother Jin Ling? Because he’s 100% describing Jiang Yanli.

Jiang Cheng does exactly what his mother did to him to Wei Wuxian. He projects his own insecurities, the very ones Madame Yu identified (great job mothering there), onto Wei Wuxian. Why does he hate Wei Wuxian? He hates Wei Wuxian for killing Shijie, when it was Shijie’s own choice to sacrifice herself, and Jiang Cheng then rendered her last sacrifice moot by killing his shixiong. So does Jiang Cheng hate Wei Wuxian, or does he hate himself for killing his sibling in a moment of rage?

It goes deeper, though. Because we see that Jiang Cheng’s fundamental issue is that he hates himself, because he is not as good at cultivation nor as strong as Wei Wuxian, and his father doesn’t love him as much as he loves Wei Wuxian. A child’s mind is going to connect that to “if I’m stronger, Dad will love me.” Jiang Cheng never grew out of this mindset. But what is strength to Jiang Cheng?

It’s protecting the people he loves. So Shijie’s death? He blames himself. One of Jiang Cheng’s most vulnerable moments is when he begs Wei Wuxian to turn away from Yiling and the Wens, because “I can’t protect you.” He wants to protect Wei Wuxian because he couldn’t protect his parents, yet he wants to protect himself more. It’s tragic. What Jin Guangyao said to Jiang Cheng in the temple is true, though of course, it’s not so simple as to be Jiang Cheng’s fault solely. But his insecurities did play a role and were indeed exploited by a cruel, calculating society:

“… Back then, the LanlingJin Sect, the QingheNie Sect, and the GusuLan Sect had already finished fighting over the biggest share. The rest could only get some small shrimps. You, on the other hand, had just rebuilt Lotus Pier and behind you was the YiLing Patriarch, Wei WuXian, the danger of whom was immeasurable. Do you think the other sects would like to see a young sect leader who was so advantaged? Luckily, you didn’t seem to be on good terms with your shixiong, and since everyone thought there was an opportunity, of course they’d add fuels to your fire if they could. No matter what, to weaken the YunmengJiang Sect was to strengthen themselves. Sect Leader Jiang, if only your attitude towards your shixiong was just a bit better, showing everyone that your bond was too strong to be broken for them to have a chance, or if you exhibited just a bit more tolerance after what happened, things wouldn’t have become what they were. Oh, speaking of it, you were also a main force of the siege at Burial Mound…”

Jin Guangyao isn’t wrong here, and unlike Jiang Cheng, he’s aware that society sucks but tries to join it anyways. Jiang Cheng grew up privileged despite his sad home life, and therefore never examined whether society was fair or not (as is reinforced by the early conversation Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian have about Jin Guangyao, in which Wei Wuxian expresses that he likes Jin Guangyao and Jiang Cheng says that, as the son of a whore, Jin Guangyao will only be able to climb so far, yet expresses no deeper concern about this). Jin Guangyao’s tragedy was trying to join society in an effort to prove himself to his father, and Jiang Cheng’s tragedy was not examining himself and his role in society in an effort to prove himself to his father as well, both fathers of whom would be better off ignored. Jiang Cheng did rebuild Lotus Pier, but Wei Wuxian learns that the local people are terrified of Jiang Cheng and hate him, while Jin Guangyao actually did protect the common people, yet Jiang Cheng still has a chance to redeem himself in the end and Jin Guangyao does not, which can be chalked up in great part due to privilege.

This isn’t to argue Jiang Cheng is worse than Jin Guangyao, because better/worse is moot in the world of MDZS. The point is that both Jiang Cheng and Jin Guangyao bring about the death of a brother by prioritizing their own wellbeing and proving themselves to the fathers whose approval it is impossible to win (because the problem is with them rather than with Jiang Cheng or Jin Guangyao themselves), would have/did kill a child on the basis of their parentage (Wen Yuan was rescued by Lan Wangji or he would absolutely have been killed, Jin Guangyao does kill A-Song–it doesn’t matter whether or not either of them did/would have done it personally; at the very least they set in motion events they knew would result in a child’s death), and yet both raised and genuinely loved Jin Ling (as Jin Ling himself concludes in the end).

But in regards to Jin Ling, Jiang Cheng’s insecurities make it impossible for him to communicate well with the people he loves. He warns Jin Ling not to come back unless he accomplishes something on Dafan Mountain, which almost gets Jin Ling killed trying to prove himself. (I wrote more about that in this meta here.)

After Wei Wuxian’s resurrection, Jiang Cheng proves that he doesn’t hate Wei Wuxian several times despite claiming he does. Firstly? When Jin Guangyao accuses Mo Xuanyu of being Wei Wuxian in the middle of a crowd, Jiang Cheng could easily turn him in  and be rid of him since Jiang Cheng already knows it. And yet, Jiang Cheng does not do so, even when called upon; instead, his indecision is noted. Secondly, he kept Chenqing with him all these years, when he very easily could have destroyed it (which is another parallel to Jin Guangyao, who kept Suibian, an ultimately useless sword); the flute, on the other hand, is a symbol of demonic cultivation and yet Jiang Cheng does not get rid of it. He went so far as to torture other demonic cultivators to death, many of whom are noted to have been innocent, and yet he kept demonic cultivational tools with him, because it was his brother’s–which also, yes, shows how he hates himself and kind of wants to punish himself, too.

And, of course, there’s the sacrifice that Jiang Cheng never reveals (at least not by the novel’s end). He sacrificed his own life to save Wei Wuxian from the Wens, was willing to give up what he always wanted–to lead Lotus Pier and thereby earn his father’s respect–to save Wei Wuxian’s life. Yet, in the end that led to Wei Wuxian sacrificing his golden core for Jiang Cheng, and in the end, Jiang Cheng can’t tell Wei Wuxian for the same reason Wei Wuxian couldn’t tell Jiang Cheng in his first life: it would sound like an excuse. So, again, Jiang Cheng’s pride is getting in the way–yet, at least this time, he is willing to sacrifice looking good and look worse for the sake of letting Wei Wuxian go.

However, I think there’s reason to hope, as I’ve said before. I did not interpret that ending to mean their relationship was over or could never be significantly close again. Wei Wuxian has let go of a lot of his pride and learned some hard lessons about self-sacrifice and protecting people, and the younger generation is making so much room for nuance and kindness and thereby challenging society. I personally assumed they’d have that conversation eventually, but we didn’t need to see it to assume it would happen.

[wangjiplayingwangji]

Salty ask! Least and most shippable characters!!! 26&27, I think. (Wangxianbunnydoodles asking from main)

Least shippable:

Ah for me it would probably have to be Xue Yang/Xiao Xingchen.

I’m definitely a person that has to see a connection between characters in media to consider shipping? (Xicheng is random exception) but XY and XXC Just hate eachother and I don’t get it lol. Like even if they lived cordially those years it’s only because XXC had no idea who XY really was and when he found out it’s not like he was suddenly forgiven for everything that he did. He tried to kill him immediately. If it was for an AU that would make more sense but I’m not an au person. I’m a big stan of canon divergent and things being possible in universe and it just feels like there’s too much baggage and murder between them.

Not to mention song lan is just, right there lmao. Xue Yang? Right in front of his salad?

But for real it’s not as though I’m hating on it but it just doesn’t make sense to me with the way I find characters shippable.

Most Shippable:

Okay I got two answers for this one because if you mean anyone my dumbass is going to say wangxian because I love them and they give me brain rot.

But if you meant besides them it would be xicheng.

Wangxian is kind of obvious because mdzs is their love story after all. We as readers are meant to see it from a love story told over the shoulder of wwx and through the actions of lwj so it just makes them immediately more easy to imagine scenarios with and Sympathize with because we see it all unfold in front of us. And we are shown constantly how they interact and flirt with eachother so its easier to imagine the romantic context and interactions.

As for xicheng this is probably the first ship I’ve ever had where the characters have like, never interacted. But I just feel like there’s so much there especially post canon that could be explored that I just, have a need. I actually have a fanfiction in progress that’s post canon xicheng because I felt like their connection needed to be expressed and no one was doing it the way my brain was like “this” that I just did it. But I digress. I think the reason they feel the most shippable to me especially post canon is the fact that they’ve both gone through so much. JC knows exactly what LXC is going through he just went through it 13 years earlier. LXC has just spent the last decade being lied to by his closest friend and the last thing he needs is soft comforting words and assurances. It would remind him too much of MY. What he needs is someone who will say what they think to his face with no filter. Who’s bold and brazen and the complete opposite of MY and that’s JC.

Not only that but it’s my personal head canon that after everything LXC would probably suffer from some form of PTSD and I will fight anyone who tries to tell me that JC isn’t full of the same.  after losing his home and family with a Lotus Pier burned when he was like 17 years old I guarantee JC suffered from panic attacks and the like, probably in silence. So when LXC is in seclusion or suffering from the symptoms JC can be there to help him like no one was for him when he lost the person who was closest to him and was left alone in the world aside from Jin Ling.

Aiya sorry for the long rant but I have many many feelings about post canon xicheng. You probably just wanted to know what my answers are and here I go screaming again 😂😂 but those are my answers lol thanks for asking!!

[robininthelabyrinth]

Prompt: WWX is one of JGS's bastard sons, raised by his mother and her husband - until they die when he's young. Then he gets taken into the Jin sect instead of the Jiang.

Right Hand Man - ao3

It was a bad day.

All the days were a little bad, but this one was especially bad.

“He’s Cangse Sanren’s child,” Jin Zixuan’s father said, tapping his fan against his palm so that he would look more like a scholar. Secretly, shamefully, Jin Zixuan thought that it didn’t really work – he just looked like one of those scoundrels that tried to pay for their meals with calligraphy instead of pennies. “Taking him in will show our strength.”

“You dare bring one of your bastard children here,” Jin Zixuan’s mother said, “and I will drown A-Xuan myself rather than let him suffer through the shame of it.”

Jin Zixuan shivered. No matter how many times he heard his mother say that in her cold and vicious voice, he never got used to it. She’d explained to him that it was the only thing that might work on his father – the fear of losing face like that, of shaming his ancestors, of cutting off his legitimate line – and she was his mother so of course Jin Zixuan believed her, but sometimes when she said it like that he thought she might really go ahead and do it.

“It’s the immortal mountain,” his father argued, ignoring the threat. “The perceived connection is only to our benefit…and anyway, he wouldn’t be legitimized or anything. Legally, his father is that Wei Changze – I could even bring the boy in as a servant if that pleased you more!”

“Nothing you say or do will ever please me,” she said, and that’s when she started throwing things and he started shouting and Jin Zixuan waited until they weren’t paying any attention to him before slipping out.

They’d make a decision one way or another.

It didn’t have anything to do with him.

-

Wei Wuxian was nominally brought in as a guest disciple, but everyone knew he was really a servant.

Jin Zixuan’s mother made sure everyone knew.

Despite this, Wei Wuxian smiled at everyone, seeming as carefree as a butterfly. It didn’t seem to bother him when he wasn’t allowed to wear sparks amidst snow, or even the usual gold of the guest disciples – Jin Zixuan’s mother said that it was better that he wear plain colors, like white or black, to represent his father and mother and show the world that he hadn’t forgotten his filial piety. It didn’t seem to bother him that he had to room with the other servants, or that he wasn’t invited to dinner at the same time as the rest of them, or that he got less training time –

Whatever it was, it didn’t bother him.

It bothered Jin Zixuan, though.

He started having the old nightmares again – the ones where his mother belatedly found out that he’d been swapped in the cradle for another bastard child of Jin Guangshan, and started treating him just the way she treated all the rest of them while praising some other boy up to the heavens – and his temperament, never considered especially good, got worse due to lack of sleep.

“Go talk to him,” Mianmian suggested. “Maybe if you see he’s reallynot bothered by it…”

“It doesn’t matter if he’s not bothered,” Jin Zixuan muttered. “It’s that I would be bothered if I were him.”

She didn’t understand, of course. Most people didn’t.

They couldn’t understand why Jin Zixuan was so bothered by the knowledge that his parents’ love was conditional on his bloodline and legitimacy – after all, he was the beneficiary of that bias, wasn’t he? What did it matter to him if they were cold to others?

Jin Zixuan didn’t know how to explain that the problem was in knowing that their love was conditional.

It didn’t help that Wei Wuxian was excelling despite all his disadvantages – all their teachers praised him in private, or else when they thought that no one surnamed Jin was listening. All of his mother’s dark speculations about what his father would do if ever there was a bastard child brought back that turned out to be even more talented than he was rang in Jin Zixuan’s ears, and he couldn’t help but look at Wei Wuxian, and wonder if this was it, this was the moment, if he was finally going to be replaced…but no, that would never happen. He was the one with the right blood.

It didn’t matter if he wasn’t actually the best.

Nothing he did in life mattered, really. Nothing had ever mattered since the day he’d been born from the right womb.

“He’s actually really nice,” Mianmian said, and Jin Zixuan looked up, wondering what she was talking about, only to blanch when he realized that she was talking to Wei Wuxian. “Just shy, that’s all –”

“Mianmian!” Jin Zixuan hissed, rushing over, horrified. “He can’t be here! If my mother finds out –”

“Is that what you’re afraid of?” Wei Wuxian asked, his face brightening. “I thought you just didn’t like me!”

“I don’t know you,” Jin Zixuan said. “How could I dislike you? But really, my mother –”

“We can be friends!” Wei Wuxian declared, and Jin Zixuan was rendered immediately mute. What exactly could he say to that?

He wanted to be friends, too.

-

His mother found out, because she always found out, and when she did, she threatened to feed Wei Wuxian to the dogs.

It turned out that Wei Wuxian was scared of dogs, something Jin Zixuan’s mother had figured out pretty quickly. That wasn’t a surprise – she knew best how to find people’s weaknesses, and also how to use them. Looking at Wei Wuxian’s sickly pale face, it was clear to Jin Zixuan that this wasn’t the first time dogs had appeared in one of his mother’s punishment, although this was clearly more severe than in the past.

“It was my idea,” he lied, acting on impulse. “Mother, I want him to be my personal servant.”

“Ridiculous,” she scoffed.

“Why is it ridiculous?” he asked. “Wouldn’t the contrast between us only be magnified that way?”

She pursed her lips, but that wasn’t a ‘no’.

Seeing a possible waver, Jin Zixuan decided to trade away one of the very few point on which he and his mother had long disagree.

“He’s charming,” he said. “He can help me woo the Jiang sect girl.”

His mother knew him well enough to know that he was trying to manipulate her, but he also knew that she liked it when he did that. Men were supposed to be upright, straightforward, and virtuous, and yet she liked to see him being subtle and sly – it reminded her of herself. It made her feel like he was more her blood than his father’s, even though in actuality those traits could very well be his father’s, too.

Unfortunately, sneakiness wasn’t really in Jin Zixuan’s nature. Comparing his straightforward and even a little stupid self to his clever and cunning parents, he didn’t know who he took after – it was part of the reason he had so many nightmares about being some cuckoo’s child left in the Jin sect’s nest.

“Fine,” his mother said at last. “He gets one shot.”

Later, when she’d swept off, an empress with her retinue, Mianmian looked at Jin Zixuan with wide eyes. “But Jin-gongzi,” she said. “You don’t wantto marry the Jiang sect girl.”

“I’ve never met her,” Jin Zixuan hedged, which was also true but a little vaguer. He didn’t want to marry a girl he’d never met, one who was several years his elder and who had been described to him only as ‘nice’ and ‘average at best’, just because her mother was his mother’s old friend. He didn’t want his marriage to be yet another thing he had to do because he was someone’s child, rather than his own man.

He wasn’t going to get a choice, though, no matter what he did, just as always. Might as well use it for something good.

Wei Wuxian crashed into him a moment later, clutching him so tightly that it hurt.

“I’ll pay you back,” he promised, his voice tight. “I’ll make it up to you. I’ll be your best friend ever!”

“That’s good enough,” Jin Zixuan said, his face suddenly hot. “There doesn’t need to be anything more.”

-

Wei Wuxian really was very charming when they went to visit the Lotus Pier, far more charming than Jin Zixuan ever was or would be, and his future bride seemed positively enchanted by him, which was probably a bad thing.

Jin Zixuan felt he should probably do something about it, but he didn’t know what, so he just snuck off and went to go dip his feet into the river, something he almost never got the chance to go while at home.

“I’m sorry,” the Jiang sect heir, Jiang Cheng, said, sitting gingerly next to him.

Jin Zixuan looked at him sidelong, a little surprised. He’d thought that Jiang Cheng hated him. “What for?”

“My sister. Your half-brother.” Jiang Cheng looked uncomfortable. “I can’t even imagine growing up with someone who’d flirt with the person I was engaged to.”

Jin Zixuan thought it over, then shook his head. “I don’t think he likes her like that. Or her him, either,” he said, since it seemed like Jiang Cheng had misunderstood both Wei Wuxian and his own sister. “Wei Wuxian’s just – like that,” he added. “Always. Everyone loves him unless they’re specifically told not to.”

“That’s worse.” Jiang Cheng wrinkled his nose. “He’s the ‘other person’s child’ here, you know. My father really liked his parents – he’s always talking about him. My mother says he wishes he were his son, instead of your father’s.”

“Now that sounds awful.” Probably better for Wei Wuxian, though. Jiang Fengmian would probably treat him like a real son, not the way Jin Guangshan did, like a pawn or a liability or a bastard brought in just for his possible connections – but it would probably be much worse for Jiang Cheng, who’d have to live with that happening right in front of him. It seemed mean to wish for such a thing. “He’s actually pretty nice? We’re friends. I asked him to help me make friends with your sister…I’m not really good at making friends, when it’s just me.”

He hadn’t expected them to hit it off that well, though. At least to Jin Zixuan’s eyes, they’d clearly all but adopted each other as brother and sister the moment they laid eyes on each other…which in his opinion was actually a little bit worse, since he felt like he himself was still painfully trying to figure out what being a sibling was like, and maybe failing at it.

And in all honesty, he felt a little resentful at Wei Wuxian for being picked, too – or was it a little bereft? No one ever picked him just because they wanted to; it was all because of who he was.

Who his parents were.

“I can be your friend, too, if you like,” Jiang Cheng said. He was scowling into the distance. “A better one.”

“Uh,” Jin Zixuan said, startled. “Don’t you – not like me?”

“We’re friends now,” Jiang Cheng scowled at him. “Deal with it!”

-

Jin Zixuan liked Wei Wuxian a lot, and he liked Jiang Cheng, too, and Nie Huaisang, who he’d just met, fit in with the two of them as if they were three peas in a pod, so he guessed he must like him, too – but if those three endlessly chattering idiots didn’t shut up and let him study he was going to throw himself off some cliff in Gusu and be done with it.

“You really don’t mind me sitting here?” he asked Lan Wangji, who nodded.

Nodded and did not respond verbally – blissful silence!

Still, Jin Zixuan lingered a bit by the door to the peaceful little pavilion he’d found and thought to claim for himself as a secret study place – necessary on account of the fact that Wei Wuxian, Jiang Cheng, and Nie Huaisang spent all their free time together making trouble instead of studying, because Wei Wuxian just did that to people, winning them over despite themselves and then leading them into mischief – only to learn that it belonged to Lan Wangji. It was filled with gentians, which were more Jiang Cheng’s color than Jin Zixuan’s, but Jin Zixuan had seen enough peonies for a lifetime and needed the concealment besides.

It was very kind of Lan Wangji to let him stay, but he still felt he ought to apologize.

And not just for the intrusion.

Wei Wuxian’s ignominious departure from Lan Qiren’s classroom had made it much more peaceful, but that had come at a cost to Lan Wangji’s own education and opportunity to make friends with others – and while Jin Zixuan liked Wei Wuxian a great deal, he wasn’t sure how Lan Wangji felt about being stuck having to monitor him all day.

And now Lan Wangji was being nice to Jin Zixuan, letting him disturb his privacy like this without complaint, and even agreeing to let him stay so that he’d have somewhere quiet to study…he really ought to say something. Maybe apologize for Wei Wuxian, if that was appropriate. It probably was: he was responsible for him, in his own way. The only problem was that he wasn’t sure how to start the conversation –

“Do you like Wei Wuxian?” he blurted out, then felt his face go bright red. He hadn’t meant to ask it that way! After all, who didn’t know how much Lan Wangji disliked Wei Wuxian? He was always glaring at him and saying he was speaking nonsense and telling him to get lost and –

Lan Wangji nodded.

Jin Zixuan blinked. He did? But then why –

“Oh,” he said, suddenly realizing. “You’re socially awkward, too!”

Lan Wangji frowned at him, and Jin Zixuan waved his hands.

“No, no, I don’t mean that as an insult,” he said hastily, trying to cover for his blunder. “It’s like me! I always say the wrong thing, so most of the time I try not to say anything – of course people always get the wrong idea anyway, thinking I’m being quiet because I’m looking down at them…Wei Wuxian’s getting better at understanding people, but he’s still not very good at it, either. I bet he has no idea! If you like him, you should say as much.”

Lan Wangji shook his head.

“…I could say it for you, if you want?”

Even more urgent head-shaking.

Honestly, if Lan Wangji were a woman, Jin Zixuan would’ve thought that he had a crush.

As it was, he was probably just like Jin Zixuan: naturally awkward, and shy about it, too.

“It’s all right,” he said encouragingly. “Next time they throw a party, you can come and sit with me; we can have tea and pretend not to know them. It’s what I always do.”

Lan Wangji stared at him for a long moment, and then finally nodded very slowly.

“I appreciate the offer,” he said, voice neutral. “Thank you.”

-

When the time came and the Wen sect pushed things too far, naturally Jin Zixuan stood up for Mianmian.

Wei Wuxian, Jiang Cheng, and Lan Wangji all did, too.

Naturally, this made Jin Zixuan feel like complete crap on their account – Mianmian was his friend, his sect, and naturally he had a responsibility towards her; the rest of them were just helping because they were good people, and good friends. But at this point they’d done it, and Wen Chao was angry at them all over it, and there was nothing to be done about it.

And then there was the Xuanwu of Slaughter, and they were all trapped inside with it.

Sometimes, he really hated the Wen sect. Often, even.

“Jiang Cheng, you and Jin Zixuan lead the way out,” Wei Wuxian instructed. “No, don’t protest! You’re heirs of Great Sects; everyone will follow you and listen to you, and that’s critical – you’ll need to evade the Wen sect’s efforts to recapture you. That means cohesion, and cohesion means hierarchy. I’ll stay behind to distract the Xuanwu…”

“That’s a terrible idea,” Jiang Cheng exclaimed.

Jin Zixuan nudged him. “Wei Wuxian’s usually right about this sort of thing,” he reminded him. It was a good thing they’d gotten over that period in their lives when Jiang Cheng thought Wei Wuxian was an evil thief who wanted to take away his older sister and Jin Zixuan’s rightful spouse, when they’d fought all the time while Jin Zixuan desperately tried to get between them. He still had no idea what magic alchemy had happened that had suddenly made them best friends – he suspected Mianmian, or maybe Jiang Yanli – but he was deeply grateful for it. “And we can’t risk the majority. Preserve human life above all else, remember? Teacher Lan’s lessons were very clear.”

“I will remain with Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji said, to no one’s surprise. They’d been more or less inseparable after Jin Zixuan had recruited Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang to help them get along better after Wei Wuxian’s temporary exile to the Library Pavilion had ended. It helped that Lan Qiren had pulled Wei Wuxian aside for personal lessons to help him catch up with the rest of them, and that those had somehow metamorphosed into afternoon sessions about inventing new types of musical cultivation techniques in which Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian were the most enthusiastic, and only, students.

Best of all, it had given the rest of them a chance to finally actually do their work.

Well, not Nie Huaisang, but that was only to be expected.

“But your leg –” Wei Wuxian started, and Jin Zixuan nudged him.

“He’ll only be more worried if you don’t let him stay back and join you,” he said reasonably. “Anyway, it’s good for you to have an incentive not to detour into some big flashy heroic bullshit.”

“Awww, but Jin Zixuan, I like big flashy heroic bullshit!”

Jin Zixuan was, by this point, almost entirely convinced that Wei Wuxian actually was the biological child of Wei Changze, and that his father had lied, both about the man’s supposed infertility and possibly about having slept with Cangse Sanren at all. From Jiang Cheng’s stories, inherited from his father, it seemed that Wei Changze was also the sort of person who went in for big flashy heroic bullshit and reckless humor, the sort that would win him a disciple of an immortal mountain as a bride; it certainly seemed more likely than him sharing blood with Jin Zixuan or his father or even Jin Zixun, all of whom tended towards arrogance, but whose flash was all in their clothing.

Not that it mattered at this late date, of course. They were brothers now – as Nie Huaisang would put it, there were no takebacks allowed.

“No bullshit, you hear me?” Jin Zixuan repeated, looking pointedly at Wei Wuxian. “Not allowed. Take care of yourself, okay? Don’t make me have to tell Mistress Jiang that I lost her favorite idiot friend.”

“You tell her?” Jiang Cheng grumbled. “I’ll have to tell her. All right, let’s go.”

-

Jiang Yanli was not impressed with the fact that they’d left Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji alone in a cave with a giant murderous turtle.

She still made them soup and gave them bandages to wrap up their bloody feet, though.

(Jin Zixuan was never going to make a good impression on her, no matter what Jiang Cheng said.)

-

“Wen Chao has demanded recompense for the mess at the Nightless City,” Jin Zixuan’s mother said, reading a letter. Her lips curled up in a strange little smile. “He said Wei Wuxian’s right hand would do.”

“Mother,” Jin Zixuan exclaimed, leaping to his feet with his eyes wide. He’d only been home a week from the indoctrination camp, and Wei Wuxian was still lying in bed most of the time, pretending he wasn’t exhausted; Wen Chao must have sent the letter almost immediately after he’d realized they’d escaped. “You can’t be serious!”

“Why not?” she asked. “It’s just what the little bastard deserves, always trying to outshine you.”

Jin Zixuan shook his head, frantically trying to think of a way out of this, because he knew his mother wouldn’t so much as hesitate to order such an atrocity. She’d never forgiven Wei Wuxian for the possibility of being a threat to Jin Zixuan’s position, however remote the chance, and she’d tried very hard to convince Jin Zixuan of it, too – it was the only thing they didn’t agree on, the only thing Jin Zixuan didn’t yield to her on, and he hated every moment of it.

But not as much as his mother hated it.

It was the only thing she couldn’t control in his life, and she hatedit, and hated Wei Wuxian for it, too.

(She couldn’t hate Jin Zixuan. She couldn’t, because he had the right blood, because he was her son, because he was the heir of Lanling Jin and the source of all her power. But sometimes, when the light was dim and she glanced over too quickly and thought she saw his father when she looked at him, he thought that she wanted to.)

“You can’t be serious,” Jin Zixuan said a second time, keeping calm by sheer willpower. No one but him would dare to object if his mother made a move, especially in his father’s absence…and even if his father was there, Jin Zixuan wasn’t sure his father cared enough about Wei Wuxian to endure another fight with his fearsome wife. “Mother, he’s my servant – my responsibility. Whatever he does is my responsibility, whether to my credit or to my deficit. That’s how that works. They may be asking for Wei Wuxian’s hand, but who’s to say, when they come to claim it, that they won’t seek mine instead?”

“They wouldn’t dare.”

“It’s the Wen sect,” Jin Zixuan reminded her. “What don’t they dare?”

She pursed her lips, thinking it over, and for a moment he thought he’d won. “Perhaps,” she allowed, and before he could even breath a sight of relief continued, “But no matter. They’ve set the price, and we can pay it, so why not? We can cut off his hand and send it to them as a peace offering in advance. After all, they’re important allies of ours, and he’s just a bastard.”

“But –”

“No, A-Xuan. No more arguing; I’ve decided.” Her smile broadened. “We’ll do it now.”

Jin Zixuan couldn’t fight with his mother. He’d never had the courage – he was as spineless as his father.

Almost as spineless.

“Yes, Mother,” he said, and drew his sword.

“A-Xuan..?”

“My servant, my responsibility,” he reminded her, and he knew that she’d misunderstood, that she thought that he was going to go take care of the grim task himself. He knew, because for a brief moment in time she looked happy – not true joy, but the only way she ever looked happy for as long as he could remember, like she’d won one over on someone and gotten her way despite everyone’s efforts. He hated to disappoint her. “I have my honor to think of, too.”

-

Jin Zixuan sent Wei Wuxian to the Lotus Pier, bearing words of warning. His father’s spies had reported that the Wen sect would probably target them first, using Jiang Cheng’s interference in the Xuanwu cave as an excuse – there wasn’t any point going after the Lan sect a second time, and the Jin sect were longstanding allies of Wen Ruohan, with Jin Guangshan being a coward at heart; if Wen Ruohan could keep him out of the inevitable war for a little longer by playing nice, he would.

Word came back not long after that they’d been right: the Lotus Pier had been destroyed.

It also said that Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli were missing – missing, but not dead. It didn’t say anything about their parents, and that was suspicious, too.

Maybe sending Wei Wuxian had helped after all.

“We should reach out to the Nie sect,” Jin Zixuan told his father. “With our money and their strength, we can resist the Wen sect long enough for the smaller sects to catch up.”

“The Wen sect is all-powerful,” his father objected. “What’s even the point of resisting? We’d be better off reaching out to them to see if we can reach a peaceful agreement.”

“We’ve already seen what agreement they want to reach,” Jin Zixuan said, and his father’s gaze dropped guiltily to his waist. Jin Zixuan didn’t bother looking down himself. He didn’t do that much, these days. “Am I your heir or am I not? You promised me that I’d inherit a sect, not slavery. Reach out to the Nie sect.”

Jin Zixuan should not talk that way to his father. He had always been a filial son, and a spineless one; his father’s son, and nothing else. The only thing he had going for him was the right blood – and even that wasn't that sure a bet, these days. He knew his father was already thinking about Jin Zixun in a way that suggested that all those rumors about his ‘cousin’ having a different father than the one everyone said he had might have some merit.

It seemed, though, that when pushed to it, he was also his mother’s son.

He hoped she choked on the knowledge.

“Reach out to the Nie sect,” he said again. “With all the cultivation world uniting, the Wen sect’s fall is inevitable. If we don’t act now, we’ll be seen as cowards, hanging back and waiting to see how things fall out to eke out the best advantage – if we act, we’ll be seen as heroes.”

“But what if you’re wrong, and the Wen sect does win?”

“Then we’ll tell Sect Leader Wen that we’re perfectly positioned to negotiate the other sects’ terms of surrender, and use that to win anyway,” Jin Zixuan said, less because he thought that was an acceptable course of action and more because he knew it would be what his father would do anyway. “Call the Nie sect.”

-

“I’m going to kill you,” Jiang Cheng hissed, wild-eyed, and Jin Zixuan blinked at him, taken aback.

“Is it because I wasn’t able to do more to help with the Lotus Pier?” he asked, feeling helpless. “I really did try to convince my father to send more people, but I barely even got him not to block my sending Wei Wuxian –”

“Not because of that!”

Jin Zixuan took a step back. “Uh, then –”

“You cut off your own hand you maniac!”

“The situation –” Jin Zixuan started backing up. “It was necessary – Wei Wuxian, help!”

“No, he’s right,” Wei Wuxian said, arms crossed. His eyes were teary, but they’d been that way since he’d left Jinlin Tower – ever since the Wen sect’s letter. “You’re a maniac, and Jiang Cheng’s going to kill you, and you’re going to deserve it.”

Lan Wangji, standing beside him, nodded.

“It’s not that bad, really.” Jin Zixuan tried to explain. “My mother and father would never have accepted anything else – threats to me are the only thing that work on them, and even that’s stopped working after all these years. Only a real injury would have an impact. If they hadn’t been so shocked, they would’ve just continued to ignore what the Wen sect was doing, or offered them an olive branch, and then then the Wen sect would’ve used that as an opportunity to come and divide up everyone else. We’d lose precious time to regroup, and the Wen sect would only get stronger and stronger –”

“You. Cut. Off. Your. Hand!”

“The Wen sect demanded the hand of the person who started the rebellion in the Xuanwu cave,” Jin Zixuan said quietly. “That was me, not Wei Wuxian. Why should he pay my debts?”

Everyone still seemed very upset, but maybe a little less murderous. Definitely a lot more teary-eyed.

“Couldn’t you have at least picked your other hand?” Wei Wuxian mumbled. “Your right hand – that’s your sword arm.”

Jin Zixuan shrugged. “They demanded the right hand,” he said. “Anyway, it’s fine, I’ve been using my left, and it’s been going smoothly enough…you know, I think I might actually be left-handed? I never knew; everyone always made me use my right.”

“Does it hurt?” Lan Wangji asked suddenly, and Jin Zixuan hesitated, not sure how to respond to that.

Unfortunately, everyone else took that in the worst way possible, and insisted on taking care of him, no matter how much he tried to explain that it didn’t hurt, not really, not anymore; it was just the strangest feeling of absence. Like something that had always been there wasn’t there anymore.

A bit like his mother. She wasn’t talking to him anymore.

He was a terrible son, and would probably end up spending eternity in some afterlife hell being tortured for failing to properly honor his parents.

He’d already resigned himself.

“How are your parts of the war going?” he asked, trying to change the subject. “Chifeng-zun says it’s going well, but you know how he is; it’s all business with him, you never hear any stories. Did Wei Wuxian really knock out old Sect Leader Jiang when he refused to leave the Lotus Pier? Tell me he didn’t.”

“He did,” Jiang Cheng said, and he looked amused about it – maybe he’d be in the next boiling pot over in the afterlife of unfilial descendants. “He was a little frantic, you see, on account of not wanting to fail you by letting them die. After all, you had just cut off your own hand for him…”

“Are you ever going to let that drop?”

“Sure. As soon as you have two hands again.”

“…so, never.”

“Yes,” Jiang Cheng said patiently. “Never. Never ever, if that makes it clearer for you.”

-

Jin Zixuan’s new hand was made of steel and wire, under the gilding, and functioned using some of the innovative new talismans that Wei Wuxian had invented. He couldn’t help but hope that they weren’t part of the subset that constituted demonic cultivation because people were being really weird about that.

“It’s like people wanted for me to just die in the Burial Mounds,” Wei Wuxian complained. He was dressed in black and grey and red, which he’d apparently adopted as his new sect colors – Jin Zixuan had only managed to send him out of Lanling the first time by officially ejecting him from the Jin sect, a decision his father had initially endorsed but now, he suspected, was regretting.

It was a lot easier to throw out a servant than it was to invite back the founder of demonic cultivation, especially now that he was a war hero and a sect leader.

“You didn’t have to be in the Burial Mounds to begin with,” Jin Zixuan reminded him, to no avail. “I know I said I needed an army because my father wasn’t supplying us properly, but I didn’t mean ‘invent an entirely new cultivation technique and raise an army of the dead’. You know that, right?”

Wei Wuxian shrugged it off, because of course he did.

“You know, they’re calling me the Yiling Patriarch?” he said, and grinned. “It’s because the Burial Mounds are in Yiling, and because I’m founding my own sect. Or whatever. Like I wouldn’t be supporting you, anyway.”

“It has to be your own sect because otherwise you might be forced to share your secret techniques,” Jin Zixuan explained, not for the first time. “Rogue cultivators don’t have the same protections that sects do, even small sects. It doesn’t matter if you’re the only person in it. Or, well, you and Lan Wangji, I guess.”

“I still can’t believe he’s willing to leave the Lan sect to join me,” Wei Wuxian sighed happily. “He’s such a good friend.”

Jin Zixuan wasn’t sure about the strength of his new hand, which was the only reason he didn’t try to pinch the bridge of his nose in frustration. “You’re a bad influence, you know,” he said instead of trying to explain to Wei Wuxian that people didn’t generally leave their natal sects for the sake of a ‘good friend’. “I nearly hit a girl the other day.”

“You did? You? What’d she do?”

“She gave me soup and implied that she’d made it,” Jin Zixuan said. “Except it tasted exactly the same as the soup Mistress Jiang is always making for you – I’ve had it recently enough to know. Sure enough, I push the issue a bit and it turns out it was Mistress Jiang’s. The girl was just trying to claim credit as an excuse to get close to me.”

He sighed. He’d been so angry about it. They were at war! People were dying, losing their homes, losing everything, and this stupid girl could only think about how to plot and scheme to try to get to a prized position as the future Madame Jin. Had his mother done the same, when it’d been his father…?

“You’ve had shijie’s soup recently?” Wei Wuxian asked. His expression looked slightly odd. “Shijie made you soup?”

“Yeah, I think she’s been dropping off whatever’s left over at my tent when she’s done,” Jin Zixuan said, shaking his head. Jiang Yanli was so nice, really truly genuinely nice. He’d never met anyone like her. “Could you thank her for me? I appreciate the thoughtfulness – it’s filling enough that I don’t need to go to the mess, which means there’s more left over for everyone else.”

“…sure,” Wei Wuxian said. “I’ll tell her. Or, and here’s a thought – why don’t you tell her yourself?”

“Why would I? You’re the one she likes,” Jin Zixuan said, puzzled. “I mean, you’re her adopted little brother, aren’t you? She’s practically your second soulmate, after Lan Wangji.”

“I’m really busy,” Wei Wuxian announced, despite having been lazing around complaining that they didn’t have any encounters with the Wen sect lined up for a whole week only a few moments before. “I couldn’t possibly take the time out of my schedule to go talk to her – you see, I’ve had an idea, which is going to keep me very busy…in fact, I’m not even going to be here at all! I need to go to the Lan sect encampment to consult with Teacher Lan.”

Discovering that Lan Qiren had a mad scientist streak when it came to musical cultivation had been extremely disquieting, Jin Zixuan reflected. The world might’ve been better off if Lan Qiren had never had a chance to actually get friendly with Wei Wuxian – Wei Wuxian provided the terrible ideas, Lan Qiren scolded him about them and then helped him smooth the kinks out of them anyway.

Teacher for a day, father for a lifetime…

“All right,” Jin Zixuan said, though he still didn’t exactly understand what had just happened. “I’ll go talk to her, I guess.”

-

“I just wanted to make sure you know you’re not obligated to make me soup or anything,” Jin Zixuan said, not sure where this conversation had gone off the rails.

Probably around the time that Jiang Yanli had started smiling at him, because he always turned into an idiot whenever that happened. She was so very nice, not just average at all no matter what anyone said, and blissfully down-to-earth – she wouldn’t be wasting her time and everyone else’s thinking about how to politically advance herself despite there being a war on. She spent all her time learning field medicine and helping cook meals for the mess and –

And he’d better stop thinking because he was turning red again.

“I enjoy making soup for you,” Jiang Yanli said peaceably. “Especially since I know you enjoy it, too.”

“I do! It’s just, I don’t know, you already do so much, with the medics and organizing and everything…It’s – uh – I – listen, I know our parents – you don’t have to pay attention to that. I only have one hand, I’m not – don’t feel obligated, not because of that. And don’t let Wei Wuxian make you think making soup is the only thing you’re good for, no matter how much he likes it, okay? You do so much more than just that!”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” she said, covering her smile with her hand. “You’re very sweet, you know.”

Jin Zixuan made an incoherent sound.

He would need to do something in return, he thought, a little frantic; he really didn’t know how to deal with a sincere compliment from someone he actually liked. Maybe poetry? Girls were said to like poetry. He couldn’t write poetry worth a damn, but he could pay someone –

She kissed him on the cheek.

All thought abruptly departed.

“Don’t worry, it’s not inappropriate – after all, we’re already engaged,” Jiang Yanli said cheerfully. “Which I’m very good with, so don’t worry about that. Good luck in your next battle, Jin-gongzi.”

At some point she must have left, because she wasn’t there anymore, and Jin Zixuan was still opening and closing his mouth like a fish out of water.

Mianmian peeked in, then snickered. “Oh no,” she said. “She broke him. Everyone! Come look! She totally broke him!”

-

“Did you actually cut off your hand to save a servant?” Jin Guangyao asked.

“It was a bit more complicated than that,” Jin Zixuan said, uncomfortable, then added, “Welcome to the family.”

Jin Guangyao smiled.

For some reason, Jin Zixuan felt a shiver run up his spine. He didn’t think he liked this new brother of his, and he felt bad about it – he’d welcomed Wei Wuxian whole-heartedly, hadn’t he? Was it really that different when it actually was someone of his own blood?

He didn’t like that thought.

“I hope we can be friends,” he said, willing it to be true, and Jin Guangyao murmured something agreeable in return.

Jin Zixuan wished he liked him.

“My mother is going to hate you,” he said, because he knew that she would. “If she does, let me know, and I’ll try to stop her…not just her. If anyone treats you wrong, just tell me. I’ll stand up for you.”

Jin Guangyao smiled again.

“You’re so kind,” he said, and for some reason Jin Zixuan had the feeling that he didn’t mean it at all.

-

Jin Zixuan had been engaged since before he was born, and it still somehow came as a surprise to find himself married. Not just the event, either – these days he woke up with his wife in his arms and was forced to just stare at her lying there in the soft morning light and wonder how he got so lucky.

He was married.

To a very nice girl, who actually seemed to like him a great deal – she’d made that clear enough when she’d had a chance. Very clear, in fact, which was why there was also a very slight curve in her belly that meant that soon enough he wouldn’t just be married, but a father.

“You’d tell me if I was dreaming, right?” he asked Wei Wuxian, who was visiting again. He did that a lot, but in fairness he didn’t really have a settled place to live – everyone knew the supposed ‘sect’ he’d founded was little more than a sham. He’d been technically kicked out of the Jin sect and refused all offers to rejoin, and it seemed he wasn’t quite ready to scandalize the entire cultivation world by marrying into the Lan sect no matter what Lan Xichen had been hinting. Sometimes he and Lan Wangji spent time at the Lotus Pier with Jiang Cheng, or the Unclean Realm with Nie Huaisang under Nie Mingjue’s long-suffering gaze…everyone called Wei Wuxian the Yiling Patriarch, on account of him ‘founding’ his sect there – or rather, summoning up extra resentful energy from the Burial Mounds for the purposes of obtaining an army while minimizing the number of disturbed graves – but he wasn’t, not really. He didn’t live there or anything.

Who would want to live there?

“I would,” Wei Wuxian agreed, but he didn’t follow it up with teasing or anything the way he usually did.

He just looked very uncharacteristically perturbed.

“What is it?” Jin Zixuan asked. “Can I help?”

“No heroic bullshit,” Wei Wuxian said at once, which meant that there was a possibility of heroic bullshit. Given Wei Wuxian’s personality, that also meant that it was heroic bullshit that would be bad for the Jin sect, which he still felt bad about on account of them raising him and all…in all honesty, it might be a good thing in the long run that Jin Zixuan’s father and mother had been so awful to Wei Wuxian as a kid, and that he’d known it. If they’d been good to him, he never would have been willing to leave. “But, uh, remember Wen Ning?”

Jin Zixuan blinked. Wei Wuxian had told him some stories: a junior disciple of the Wen sect, from a branch family – Dafan Wen – who’d helped Wei Wuxian out a few times when he’d been smuggling the Jiang clan to freedom.

More than a few times: he’d been Wei Wuxian’s first disciple in matters of resentful energy, which Wei Wuxian had apparently been thinking of since forever and started playing around with more or less the moment he was no longer officially tied to a sect, and had been a valuable contact during the early period of the war before events had changed and he’d been lost.

“Yes,” he said. “What about him?”

He hadn’t thought of Wen Ning in ages, beyond abstractly hoping he was doing well. It might be hard, with a surname as he had, but surely there was somewhere in the cultivation world for those surnamed Wen – Wei Wuxian had argued fiercely in favor of leniency for the remaining Wen cultivators, and the Lan sect had backed him, thanks to Lan Wangji. The rest of them had been exhausted, Nie Mingjue, Lan Xichen, Jiang Cheng and his parents, even Jin Zixuan…his father had ended up volunteering their sect to help with resettlement of the refugees, which had been a pleasant surprise.

Sure, Jin Zixuan knew his father well enough to know that he was only doing it for the clout and possible advantage it would give him, but he was pretty sure the Wen civilians didn’t especially care why they were going to get a reprieve from death and a new place to live, only that they did.

“I’ll get there,” Wei Wuxian said. “It’s a bit complicated…you know how Jin Zixun’s in charge of resettlement?”

Jin Zixuan nodded, puzzled. “What about it?”

-

“You can’t do that!” one of the guards shouted at Wei Wuxian. “We’re disciples of the Jin sect –”

“Is that so,” Jin Zixuan said, and they all turned to look at him, each one of them blanching in utter horror. “And why didn’t I know that my Jin sect had such people as you?”

“Where’s Wen Ning?” Wen Qing asked Wei Wuxian, looking desperate. “I don’t see him…Where is he?!”

“That monster?” one of the guards blurted out.

“My brother is not a monster!”

“He’s been hiding in the woods,” one of the Wen civilians volunteered. “He’s been raiding the camp, rescuing people who are being abused –”

“Our response was reasonable in light of his aggression,” the guard argued. “He used demonic cultivation – he’s a monster! We had no choice –”

“We’re going to need to question them,” Jin Zixuan said to Lan Wangji, who was looking faintly murderous in his usual righteous sort of way. “To find out who’s their backing – Jin Zixun wouldn’t have dared something like this, not on his own. Can you bind them for me?”

-

It was his father.

Of course.

-

“A-Yao, what do you want?” Jin Zixuan asked, and Jin Guangyao stopped in his tracks, staring at him in confusion – as well he should, since he’d only come into Jin Zixuan’s study in order to say good morning on his way to breakfast. “No, sorry, that’s not what I meant. I meant, you know, in life.”

Jin Guangayo blinked at him.

Probably not the best question to spring on someone before breakfast, Jin Zixuan reflected.

“It’s about the trouble that my – that our father got into,” Jin Zixuan explained. “The other cultivation sects are furious to no end that he took advantage of their trust in order to do such a disgraceful thing…I’ve ordered Zixun to be confined for now, and I suspect he’ll have to be banished to some country house for a few years. And as you know, my father will be retiring soon and handing over the position of sect leader to me…”

Neither of them especially wanted that to happen, his father as loathe to give up power as Jin Zixuan was to take it. But what other solution was there after such a scandal?

The Lan sect, ever concerned with morality, had been horrified when they’d found out what had happened; the Jiang sect, despite their close relationship to the Jin sect, had immediately denounced it, and Jiang Yanli, who was Wei Wuxian’s friend, was the very first to speak. The Nie sect, never a firm ally for the Jin sect, was growling about righteousness, and if Nie Mingjue was sincere about that being his only concern – and having worked with the man, Jin Zixuan believed he was – then there were plenty of others in the Nie sect that had their eyes on the greater influence and power that would accrue to their sect if Jin Zixuan’s father were allowed to bring his sect down with him.

Handing over power was the only way to make sure their Jin sect remained strong.

“He won’t be alone, at least,” Jin Zixuan sighed. “I won him that much.”

Jiang Fengmian had agreed to step down from his position as sect leader as well, making it seem as though Jin Guangshan’s retirement were voluntary, part of a joint agreement of the older generation handing over power to the newer. Everyone would know in their hearts that that wasn’t the case, but it would be far less shameful than the alternative – saving a little bit of his father’s face.

“You did well,” Jin Guangyao said, listening with a neutral expression. “In uncovering everything, and revealing it.”

“I would’ve brought you in to help, but I couldn’t,” Jin Zixuan explained. “I know he asked you to help in finding demonic cultivators to join the Jin sect, and…”

He hesitated.

“He implicated me?” Jin Guangyao asked.

He had. Their father was shameless: he’d even sought to move all blame to Jin Guangyao’s back, whether as the actual mastermind or, when that was rejected, as the inciter of the scheme. Nonsense, of course.

Anyway, it didn’t matter. Even if Jin Guangyao had suggested it, it would have been his father’s responsibility to refuse.

“No one believes it,” Jin Zixuan said, which was only partially a lie. “Even Chifeng-zun laughed in his face and said you wouldn’t be nearly that stupid.”

Jin Guangyao looked – oddly pleased by that, if Jin Zixuan had to guess.

“Still, it’s awkward,” he said, rubbing his head. “People talk, and our subsidiary sects have never been as quiet as some others…you don’t have to tell me right now what you’re planning, or what you want in the long term. But maybe – uh – you have two sworn brothers. Is there any chance…”

“I could go visit them for a while?”

Jin Zixuan smiled helplessly. “I wish it weren’t necessary. And if you did know what you wanted, I could take it into account when planning the future…”

“No, no,” Jin Guangyao said. “Visiting my sworn brothers will be – fine.” He looked thoughtful. “You said Chifeng-zun didn’t think I was involved?”

“Zewu-jun was also vociferous in your defense,” Jin Zixuan said, trying to elide the fact that it wasn’t so much that Nie Mingjue didn’t think Jin Guangyao was capable of such atrocities, but rather that he declared, and loudly, that if Jin Guangyao had intended to do something horrific like that, he’d have handled it better. Judging by Jin Guangyao’s amused expression, he might have guessed anyway. “I appreciate your understanding.”

Jin Guangyao smiled.

Jin Zixuan thought he might even mean it, this time.

-

“I’m an uncle!” Wei Wuxian crowed, holding Jin Ling in his arms. “I’m an uncle, I’m an uncle!”

“Big deal,” Jiang Cheng grumbled, which would be more convincing if he wasn’t beaming foolishly. “So am I. Hand him over...hey, A-Ling! It's me, your jiujiu!”

“Can I be an honorary uncle?” Nie Huaisang asked – Jin Zixuan had no idea when he’d even arrived, or why he was here, or anything, really, but that was probably because he hadn’t really slept on account of over-excitement. “I mean, my brother’s sworn brothers with Jin-xiong’s brother, so it works, right?”

“That’s ridiculous –” Jiang Cheng started.

“No, I love it!” Wei Wuxian immediately declared. “That means Lan Zhan’s his uncle, too!”

“Wei Wuxian…!”

“Don’t worry,” Jin Zixuan said, hugging Jiang Cheng out of sheer excitement. “You’re his only jiujiu, right? Everyone else is related through me, so they have to share.”

Jiang Cheng seemed pleased by that, and Wei Wuxian laughed.

Nie Huaisang was calculating on his fingers. “You know,” he said thoughtfully. “This might be the most well-connected baby in the entire cultivation world? The only thing we’re missing is the Wen sect…Jiang-xiong, how about you marry Wen Qing? Then we’d have them all!”

“That is not how I’m determining my marriage!” Jiang Cheng yelped, but notably didn’t reject the idea.

Jin Zixuan looked at Jiang Yanli, who looked back at him, and they both started laughing.

There was more noise after that, and eventually Jin Ling woke up and started crying, making everyone start fussing like a bunch of old hens surrounding a long-suffering Jiang Yanli who’d already grown accustomed to it in a way the rest of them hadn’t.

It suddenly occurred to Jin Zixuan that everyone who was here was here because they wanted to be. Not because of his name or his wealth, not because he was Sect Leader Jin, not because of the circumstances of his birth, but just because they liked him – because they wanted to celebrate with him, and to cherish his child, to share his joy.

It was a good day.

All the days were a little good, but this one was especially good.

[llycaons]

30. in which tragedy is looming but everyone tries their best for each other, they really do, (except jgy. and zixun and jgs)

I talked a lot last lb about how much jc ticks me off but honestly this was a very wonderful siblings scene. wwx visibly holding back tears as he sees his beautiful sister all dressed up for her wedding day, everyone eating soup together for the last time. jc and yanli sneaking in to check on wwx, to try to get him to return to them, to remind him they’re not lost to him. yanli giving wwx her father’s pendant and saying he wanted him to have it! highly underrated scene!! jc asking yanli to let wwx name her child (and wwx KNOWING that it was jc! it’s so important that he knows!). jc probably remembering how much wwx wanted to help plan the wedding. he’s smiling a lot in these scenes :)

and while I obviously have issues with the way jc treats wwx, this episode kind of flips what we thought we saw in 28 on its head. wwx was fine in a week (unless he’s lying). jc was fine in a month. it was a ruse, an agreement. there’s bickering, but it’s friendly. they’re letting off steam and teasing each other like normal, until jc presses wwx about his future plans and learns wwx won’t return with him

the shot where wwx talks about how he has people close to him and it’s wen ning...he loves him so much...

wwx bowing to yanli formally and then walking away without looking back even as she calls out to him...GOD just like her dream

(how did they sneak her down in her wedding dress? without smudging her makeup? were they hanging out in town all week waiting to run into him? did she have to touch it up every few hours?)

the little flashback montage...whew. I think it’s the realization that he won’t be able to be a part of his nephew’s life that’s the tipping point that throws wwx into his regretful haze. remembering his oath to uphold justice, his promise to jc about how their lives would be, his confrontation with lwj in the rain...would he have done everything differently to be close to this newest member of his family?

I think he asked wen ning not to tell wen qing because he knew wq would feel even guiltier about what wwx has given up. wwx understands wen qing. she’s like him. and it’s clear she’s struggling with feeling responsible for wwx’s losses, even though he made his choices

planting lotus was such a great idea on her part. giving him a connection to his home and a project to focus on at once. BM lotus pond was not in the novel, and is one of the strongest characterization scenes of the arc imo. the drama overall gives wwx a more heartfelt connection to LP in general, through this and also a lot of little character moments. it also made jc more sympathetic. the yunmeng losses hit harder in the drama, you feel wwx’s regrets more acutely, and it makes me hope much more for reconciliation. in the novel, jc and wwx falling out didn’t feel like a tragedy, if anything wwx was reluctant to return and not keen to see jc ever again. the end was meant to be happier bc if hes with lwj then everything is fine. in the drama it feels lot more complicated and bittersweet and like there’s a lot of conversations that need to happen between them, and will.

torturing and killing people is fine but I draw the line at yelling at a toddler. I know he’s under a lot of stress but come on, wwx. that’s a baby. at least they have a cute little scene later. a-yuan is seriously such an empathetic and big-hearted kid

oh! I’ve seen posts about how a-yuan has an older sister because of this line here “I miss my older sister” but the line afterwards sounds like the “older sister” a-yuan is referring to is wen qing! if we first saw a-yuan in ep10 or so, I guess he was a massive two year old and is now a four year old

the lotus-growing scenes are so sweet though, so lighthearted, and the wen siblings are so cute showing wwx the plants. the scene right before the timeskip ends on a high note

when wwx says that this was the hardest time of his life, I don’t think he meant he was miserable, he just meant it was hard to be away from many of the people he loves and isolated and trapped there

back to koi tower! the spotless white walls and gold and red opulence have such a stark contrast with the BM grays and mud colors

jzx sticking up for his brother is so depressing. that man is plotting to murder him, his shitty dad was right not to trust him. that sucks actually

I will never ever forget how absolutely elated wwx looks when he hears his sister has a baby. I genuinely can’t think of a single other time he looks that joyful. he’s nearly crying. JL is so important to him and so loved even before he ever meets him! and since we’ve seen their actual first meeting, it’s all the more tragic

I don’t get people who say to skip the first two episodes OR people who say you aren’t supposed to remember them. the knowledge of what will come to pass gives everything more emotional impact. what happened to get from here to there, and how? wei wuxian loves his family so much. why does his nephew and brother hate him? why is his sister dead? can it really be his fault? his first meeting with JL is such a disaster, it wasn’t meant to be that way. he was so excited to be an uncle

I think that lxc deferring the decision about wwx to jgs is a very clever move. it’s politically what he HAS to do (this isn’t the lan’s business) but it’s phrased and spoken in such a way that makes it clear he knows jgs is in charge, whih makes jgs feel good and more likely to be generous. wwx (and lwj) trying to force him and question his authority hasn’t had/wouldn’t have good results. lxc is crafty. and everyone knows by now wwx isn’t hurting anyone innocent

that being said, I am still kind of baffled that neither of the lans see a red flag with jgy’s “invite wwx to ki tower and try to persuade him :) he will DEFINITELY agree :)". I guess since neither of them know WHY wwx has to use demonic cultivation, and they know how much he loves his sister and misses his clan, they see how persuading him might be easy. also lxc trusts jgy and lwj trusts lxc

but let us be real here. jgs and jgy would not have let wwx leave that party alive if he wasnt cooperating. this could never end well. jgs is asking lwj to write the letter because he wants wwx to not be on his guard. he’s observant. I think he knows what’s going on with them

...is lwj very naive, though? does he have a tendency to turn a blind eye to potential danger when he wants to believe something good will happen? does he, perhaps, lie to himself under circumstances in which the truth would be inconvenient or not what he wants to deal with? wishful thinking? hmm

anyway, jzx and yanli and baby JL are so goddamn cute together and I know they would have been good parents I just know it. poor JL. jzx pushed so hard for wwx to be invited because he knows his wife loves her little brother!! he’s a good dude! not smart or particularly morally upstanding, but he loves his wife and is slightly nicer about his brothers

and I was going to say this work is all for nothing, because jzx dies, and yanli dies, and wwx dies, and the wens die, and jc is left with a baby and no other family and lifetime of bitterness and grief, and lwj is left with whip scars and a toddler and a single-minded mission to find his dead lover, and wwx and wen ning lose almost 2 decades of their lives, and jgy gets off with no consequences for a very long time, but I don’t want to act like any act of reaching out or kindness was meaningless

jc and yanli sneaking down to see wwx, letting him name his nephew, yanli giving her soup to wen ning, giving that jade pendant to wwx, the lans and jzx standing up for wwx, the building of the lotus pond, wen qing and a-yuan cheering him up, every single one of wwx and wen ning’s little market errands where they had fun together, every single time someone tries to help someone else in this story...it mattered. it was a hard time for everyone, but that just means that the little acts of kindness and moments of joy mean more, not less