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#I don´t know maybe
jiiniix · 7 months
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first time I post art of trip yipie
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verturo · 19 days
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is anyone else feeling insane right now
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nosieposie · 7 months
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teeny tiny Rena sprite redraw idk I think she's cute
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otomes-world · 4 months
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"Under fantasy disguise" part Pomefiore (1)
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Fantasy AU “Under fantasy disguise”: world lore (prologue) heartslabyul savanaclaw octavinelle scarabia trigger warning: some self hate, reader in really bad state (but there is nothing grafic), barrely edited text.
At some point, the clouds flying past completely erased the idea of time and space. Slowly brightening sky marked the beginning of a new day. The lump in throat, the approaching nausea and self-loathing merged into one large layer, settling like a burden in your chest. A heaviness that radiates unpleasantly throughout the whole body.
You wanted to pry open chest if only it could give at least a little peace of mind.
However, the much-desired peace would not come. The subconscious told you, or maybe you yourself understood that you couldn’t let go of the situation. Frankly, what happened - all at once - was not your fault. It wasn’t, but selfishness and the banal desire to survive stuck needles into such a subjective concept of conscience, which you didn’t even suspect. When you live in a world of technology - when you don't have to make tough decisions - the world seems simpler.
You didn’t know where the carpet was going. Perhaps it was simply obeying your unspoken impulse to get away. Anywhere. To a place where it will be at least a little easier.
However, during the time you spent in this world, you managed to come to terms with the thought: it won’t get better. The further you plunged into unfamiliar lands and got to know its inhabitants, the harder the blow to your mental health. At some point you thought that the happiest time of your forced journey was wandering in the mountains.
Taking a shuddering breath, you froze abruptly, noticing movement out of the corner of your eye. Something flew past at incredible speed. Glancing briefly at the sleeping cat, you clenched your fists, your nails - or what was left of them - digging into the skin of your palms. The pain helped calm down a little and focus on surroundings. A moment and something flew by again, this time very close.
It didn't seem to you.
Waking Grimm up with your left hand, you tried to look down. The carpet did not slow down, and therefore it was difficult to try to see anything. The barely brightening sky did not help at all. Suddenly the fabric shook and you felt something cold millimeters from your other hand. Imagining the worst, you looked down, noticing the thin scratch on your skin and the arrow.
Everything inside you suddenly stopped.
Heart began to beat sharply, making already labored breathing difficult. The mind tried to come up with a solution, an escape, something, but apparently the third arrow was the last warning. The last one before something incomprehensible collided with the carpet, paradoxically sobering and frightening at the same time. Intuitively stretching out your hands towards the sound of meowing, you realized in horror that you were falling down. The carpet, which had saved your life several times, was flailing in the air, trying to extinguish the flames that were engulfing the fabric faster and faster.
You closed your eyes and prepared to fall. The sharp blow, it felt like it, knocked out the remaining oxygen on the branch, as did a further fall onto the wet grass. The pain darkened vision. You wanted to scream, but you didn’t have the strength to unclench teeth and utter even a sound. Bent over, you still clutched Grimm to your chest, simultaneously trying to think about something good.
Heartslabyul still caused waking nightmares, but there were incredibly beautiful roses there. Flowers. Pleasant baking aroma. The softly shining sun.
A slow, careful breath literally created a storm inside. The lungs protested, the muscles tensed to the limit. It would be so easy to close your eyes and plunge into darkness if it weren't for the adrenaline still flowing through your veins. Your attacker was still somewhere nearby.
Sitting up with an effort of will, you could hardly resist so as not to fall back. Your side was burning, and the notorious stars were flying before eyes. What kept you from giving up was the realization that the breathing of the cat, limp in your arms, was becoming weaker. The fear of being alone in this world turned out to be enough of an incentive to go against everything: fate, a tired body and, possibly, broken bones.
A rustling sound came very close, and you tensed, preparing for the worst. Having spotted a dry branch nearby, you wondered how much time and effort it would take to grab it. There was a rustling sound again, and this time the steps took him by surprise, but a child appeared from behind the bushes. Even in the semi-darkness, you noticed his light gray hair and pointed ears. Gradually, two more appeared behind him: one with burgundy strands sticking out to the sides and a gloomy expression on his face, and the second, ready to fall asleep at any moment.
The very first, apparently the main one of the trio, took a step forward, raising his hands in a calming gesture, "How are you feeling? How many fingers am I showing?"
You just shook your head, closing your eyes. The voice of reason insisted that you had to run, but fear for Grimm did not allow you to take even a step..
"Us.. can.. help.. you.. "you didn’t recognize your own voice. It sounded so quiet and muffled that you doubted whether you were heard. Your throat burned, but you opened your mouth again to repeat the request as many times as necessary.
"Dominic, it’s not a good idea to bring someone you don’t know home, is it?" The gloomy child spoke, and for a second you again started to panic. "If we bring everyone we meet and cross, we ourselves will soon become the King’s target."
King? That's all you needed. Previous territories also had heads, but facing the “royal family” sounded much more terrible and problematic
"..only a night.. I can.. stay in the forest.. only Grimm.." It seemed like torture to pronounce every word. Your vision was blurry, but you were obliged to hold out.
“Another guest won’t be such a problem,” Dominic answered. "Can you get up?"
No. Even if you wanted to, you wouldn't be able to get up. You couldn't even lie to yourself. You didn’t even have to answer, the main one came up and extended his hands to the cat. With trembling hands, struggling not to pull them away, you allowed the cat to be taken away
"Groom, stay and look after last one. Shelpi and I will go get Neige"
The one who was called Groom grumbled without ceasing, but still approached you. Watching the children disappear among the greenery, you allowed yourself to relax. At least Grimm was safe.
"Hey. Hey! Come to your senses!"
You felt someone shaking your shoulder, but you couldn’t make out anything else. Only at some point did you hear someone’s worried voice, but you couldn’t make out what exactly he was saying.
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You came to your senses, then fell into oblivion again. Voices, sounds, light caused dizziness and rejection. The only thing you remembered throughout the entire chaotic state was that pleasant voice and someone’s warm hands.
"You woke up!" Someone voiced it before you even realized it yourself. It’s just that at some point you stopped distinguishing between reality and a dream, but it seems that this time you were definitely in reality. "Wait, I'll call Dominic"
This name fluttered familiarly in memory. That's right, that was the name of the bright child. Following with an unfocused gaze the young man - although now in your eyes he was just a colored spot - who quickly rushed off somewhere, leaving you for a minute.
Closing your eyelids, you tried to focus on the present. You weren't abandoned in the forest, that's a plus. The attacker didn't show up yesterday, or maybe you just weren't found. The questions “Who” and “Why” remained unanswered. It would be possible to close your eyes and not chase your tail, as before, but your intuition suggested that this time it would be different. That this was just the calm before the next storm. But you no longer had the strength to look for shelter so as not to be carried away to the mercy of fate.
A quiet knock brought you back to reality. It was strange, the young man didn’t seem to lock the door. Opening your eyes slightly, you squinted, trying to make out the newcomer. As you thought, it turned out to be the same child. Next to him stood someone your age - maybe a little older or younger - with a friendly smile. The corners of your lips slightly twitched upward, but they couldn’t become the same full-fledged smile.
"Are you feeling better now?" Asked the child, who continued speaking after a nod from you. “You’re probably still confused, so I’ll try to speak more slowly. My name is Dominic, my dwarf brothers and me have been living in this forest for a very long time. And this,” he pointed at the young man, “is Neige. Although you may already know him. Let me know what happened to you?"
"…if.. I knew.. someone attacked us while we were flying on the carpet.. we turned over and fell, Grimm.. Grimm! Where is he?" An attempt to sit up abruptly was unsuccessful, causing more circles under the eyes and weakness. A brunette who appeared next to you prevented you from turning over and falling out of bed
"Your friend is okay!" The dwarf immediately answered hastily. "He, like you, needs to rest. But you need to do this first. During the fall, you broke a rib" you immediately touched your burning side. “It will take time to heal.”
Having given a short thank you to him and the boy, as a sign that you were already feeling better, you began to hastily rebuild your plan of action. It was impossible to linger, but on the other hand, going in the current state was no less stupid. You understood that the fall could not have happened without something - there was a limit to luck and the capabilities of the human body - but the awareness did not brighten up what was happening.
"Do you know who could have attacked you?“ The young man asked softly, holding out a glass of water that had come from nowhere. However, you weren't complaining.
“No.. No, this is my first time in these lands,” after a couple of sips it became easier to speak. “We were flying… yes, we were flying,” you strained your tired memory. "…someone shot! I remembered the arrow!" Looking hopefully at Dominic, you saw a worried look. As if he realized who exactly attacked you and the Grimm. For some reason, you doubted whether it was worth finding out the truth. "This is not someone from the royal family, right?"
You tried to laugh, but it sounded pathetic even to your own ears. For some reason, the duo didn't appreciate your joke.
“It might have been Rook,” you frowned, another new name. “He works as a hunter and serves Vi,” the young man tried to keep the conversation going with the same light laugh, which came out better than yours. However the impression he made was the same - he did not inspire confidence.
“Vi?” You asked carefully, afraid to confirm your fears.
"Exactly, you don’t know. That's what I call Vil, he is the king of these lands. We saw each other quite often at the castle!"
You were doomed. You could see the world literally crumbling before your eyes. This is exactly what was needed for happiness. Purely to confirm what you already suspected, you turned to Dominic, "What is the probability that… how did you call him, Rook?.. Reported everything to the king?"
Silence was a convincing enough answer.
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Despite the chance of being discovered, you remained in the dwarves' house. It was inspired by the hopelessness and persuasiveness of Neige, who took upon himself the responsibility of your personal doctor. Although this was too strong a word, the process was still more led by the chief of the dwarves. Gradually you got to know the others.
Groom and Shelpi were part of the company that day. Although the first one was rude and hot-tempered, you couldn’t call him bad. It just took some getting used to. Shelpi was his opposite. A dwarf with a perpetually sleepy look, although you could understand him. In your current state, all you wanted to do was sleep.
There were four more gnomes: Timmy, Toby, Snick and Hop. You saw Timmy only from afar and only in someone else’s company. Perhaps he was just nervous around strangers. Toby was a sweetheart whose memory failed him more often than usual. Hop was a classic example of a cheerful child, and Snick's specialty was his perpetual allergies.
Watching their noisy but cheerful routine was a pleasant change from the nightmare that was happening in your life before. Nevertheless, you remembered Heartslabyul’s experience and were in no hurry to relax.
The more time you spent in their friendly company, the stronger the feeling of guilt grew. Understanding that they would come for you. Now or a little later didn't matter. Just like how many troubles befell the cat’s head for the company. Asking to take care of Grimm was another breaking through the ceiling called “selfishness,” but… that incident made it clear that problems were pouring down on your head more and more often. Their consequences were becoming increasingly difficult to correct.
Living with guilt was unbearable.
So much so that you were unable to look into the eyes of your faithful friend, who has literally gone through thick and thin with you, and you decided to leave him.
You didn't even hope for forgiveness. Deep inside you understood that this was just an attempt to come to an agreement with yourself, a struggle for the opportunity to hate yourself a little less. Looking at the recovering cat, this thought took root more firmly in consciousness.
The pathetic excuse “it will be better this way.”
Gradually you were allowed to take short walks. Your side still hurt, as did the wounds on back, but the fresh air helped to distract you and not drown in self-flagellation. The only activity for which you always had the strength.
Hoping to find your things, you tried to find the crash site from memory. It was stupid, especially since those trinkets were of no value. To some extent, they simply gave an imaginary sense of belonging. Reminders of your home world, which seemed farther and farther away day by day.
Moving aside the branches, you were finally able to find the desired clearing. It was like all the others, but some internal awareness did not allow you to pass by.
Check and leave.
Simple plan - simple implementation. Searching among the bushes without bending down was another challenge. Having sat down, you rose to your feet again with great difficulty, the shooting pain in your lower back made itself felt every time you tried to find your treasured things.
Breathing heavily, you leaned your hand on the trunk of a nearby tree. A little break won't hurt anyone, that's for sure in your condition. Taking a deep breath, you glanced around the clearing once again, making mental notes of where the bag might have been thrown.
There was not a soul around, or at least it seemed so. Perhaps over time you became too suspicious, but at the moment you could not leave the feeling of being watched, no matter how stupid it may sound. Who could be in the deep forest, right? Unless… who attacked you and the Grimm that day. You tsked and took another breath, trying to calm down.
It was dangerous to return to the house: you didn’t want to let Neige and his friends down. Trying to escape in an unknown direction was reckless. You didn’t know these places, one wrong turn and Robinson Crusoe will appear in this forest. Although you doubted that this world had heard of him. The possibility of becoming a discoverer was not encouraging.
"Ma cheri! What a rarity it is to find such a beautiful creature in such a dense thicket,” a voice that came out of nowhere took you by surprise.
Turning towards the sound at a speed you didn’t know you were capable of, you saw a strange blond-haired young man.
“Are you… talking about me?..” You asked carefully, simultaneously looking for a way to escape. Now the suspicions no longer seemed groundless.
"Oui! Yes and yes! A triple "yes" is not enough to prove the sincerity of my words. How brave and reckless are walks in the wilds, where every animal and people poses a danger. I had already decided that knowledge, Fata Morgana, which had darkened my mind and revealed such a fragile angel in human form!"
He spoke a lot and not very clearly, sometimes you lost the thread of the story. In your best times, you didn’t like such conversations, let alone today. However, this was a good opportunity to look at the blond. He was wearing a cream-colored tunic, loose pants and a hat with a fluffy white feather.
It was necessary to come up with an excuse and as quickly as possible. Perhaps you would be able to wander around, wait for him to leave, and return home without consequences. However, this would be too loud a statement. If there's one thing life has taught you, it was not to think ahead of time.
"Thank you, I guess?.. Did you want something?" You decided to ask directly.
"Oh, that's right. Wandering among the flora and fauna, I found one interesting little thing,” he sadly shook his head while you did everything to prevent doubts from showing on your face. "Obeying the will of my heart, I am trying to find the owner."
Emphasizing the last word, he smiled, narrowing his eyes. The nature of the emotion that flashed through them made you shiver.
"Well, I wish you good luck in your search, sir.."
"Hunt! But you can call me by my name, just Rook,” digging your nails into the palms, you kept a friendly expression on your face through an effort of will. The blond raised his hands in a surrendering gesture, and then also calmly began to close the distance. "I don’t dare to hope that you have heard of me. However, like me about you. His Majesty, Roi du Poison, has been wanting to meet you for quite some time, and who are we to refuse him."
Looking ahead at the outstretched hand and the unshakable figure of - as Neige said - the hunter, you doubted that you had any chance of escape.
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spoiledleaff · 4 months
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there's a monster circling the borders of the cult. the lamb knows what it is—who it is. they're not terribly bothered.
the fox.
as a creature who values both brutality and strategy, the fox admires shamura deeply, to the point of love obsession. they've met before, though shamura could not remember that now. as a bishop, the fox loved watching them work. they would meet on occasion, standing at the crossroads between war and darkness. the fox has always had a bit of a stalking problem, not that shamura would feel threatened by him. they never stopped him before. the company was nice, soothing. they both smelled of blood—it was like finding another half of yourself, drenched in the afterbirth of your crimes and murders.
they'd chat. sometimes. ironically enough, shamura liked taking time to talk about nothing. so much of their life and work is spent strategizing and wondering and learning and doing things with a purpose, it was nice to take a moment to revel in the nonsense. the fox didn't mind, he would be too infatuated with the way they'd fidget with the bones of their followers. they would remember so much.
he was so curious, so obsessed that when shamura offhandedly let slip of that damned prophecy, of their siblings, of their brother, of the lambs—he didn't hesitate.
"i will handle it." he said. "i will devour every lamb to ever walk this earth if that is what you wish of me."
they paused, calculating. always so careful.
"leave one for me." they said, their smile filled to the grim with too many teeth and murderous intentions, and the fox thought he felt something stir in his long dead chest.
(there was a sadness there too, he realizes. maybe they knew of the consequences all along. even back then.
maybe especially then.)
it's hard to think that the shamura from before and the one he'd grown so used to watching from the shadows were the same creature. they still smell of blood, still ramble nonsense that only makes sense to them.
the fox wants to kill them, this mockery of the great bishop he once knew. this thing does not demand respect, does not stir that feeling in the fox's chest; it cannot be them.
they never seem to sleep, always roaming the cult's grounds while the rest of the herd scatter off for their bedtimes. they drift near the cemeteries, reading aloud names of followers they've never known. they do this every night—pay their respects.
"i know you are out there, little shadow." they say one night, "may i help you?"
"no." the fox is quick to answer, his maw is open and dripping with his resolutions. this thing will die tonight.
the false one turns towards the shadows, though the fox knows they will never find him if he doesn't wish it.
"do i know you?" they ask. "you feel familiar to me, though i'm afraid i cannot place it."
"...no." the fox lies — it is the truth — his teeth lay ready, though he does not bite.
"ah. my apologies then." the false one turns back to the graves, turns away from the fox. "your voice soothes me in a way i cannot describe. though i am unsure as to why, as to me you sound like blood, like cattle willingly led to slaughter, like betrayal."
the fox is ready to strike, he drools.
"you remind me of someone who i think i once felt safe with." he stops. "i apologize. i know we've never met before, but i cannot shake the feeling that i know your teeth."
the fox hesitates, closes his maw, backs away.
"your teeth are beautiful, by the way." the thing turns around, and the fox feels as though they see him—they see him. "i feel as though i've known your ivory all my life."
he leaves.
it doesn't matter, the night will always come—there will always be tomorrow.
it doesn't matter that this false one replicates shamura's desire to babble about nothing.
it doesn't matter that there is a beating in his chest that will not go away.
(he misses the chatter.)
there is always tomorrow night.
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Random thought after seeing the letter Cleo sent Wels: one of the things I really enjoy about Cleo´s videos/streams is that it feels like they interact with everyone on the server. All Hermits have friends and neighbors they hang out with more often than others, and so does Cleo; but, at least that´s my impression, Cleo spends time with more different people than most, either to do things together or to mess with them or just to help with armor stand things, and it´s great.
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yibo-best · 11 months
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down jacket brand YAYA published the height and weight of Yibo (i remind, he became their world ad representative) ⤵
1.82 m 120 斤 (60 kg)
🥺🥺🥺🥺
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goldiipond · 9 months
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ithink that every tpn trio merch set would be vastly improved by including don and gilda. i like them
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new Hazbin Hotel AU idea - blue eye samurai going red eye samurai
Aaah I was just in the mood to watch Blue Eye Samurai again and I couldn´t help but think that one of my favorite Hazbin characters would enjoy this show greatly.
Now I wanna make an AU with it and call it Red Eye Samurai with the Hellaverse characters as japanese demons and Alastor has an half demon on the path of revenge and collecting the screams of his enemies that try to get into his way. His sword is blood red, his teeth are set in a razor sharp smile and he likes to feast on cut off body parts and there is his little friend Nifty at his side eager to learn the way of stabbing your enemies to death after he accidentally did her a favor by killing her abusive husband. Maybe he´s out to kill is father, maybe he is out for some people who killed his (human) mother, maybe he wants to get revenge on someone else (a vox demon perhaps?)
There´s maybe Charlie as princess Akemi, who wants to help demons get along with humans and be politically involved and make her own decisions, not just marrying another powerful demon and be their wife. So she leaves and finds a place for hiding in a brothel where she meets Angel and after a disastrous fall out with Valentino, she and Angel flee until they finally find an abandoned shrine they use as their new base (and along the way they picked up Vaggie, who is on the run from her former employers)
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jiiniix · 9 months
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HUH!!?? is that shanks???
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serenescribe · 1 year
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don't be shy tell us about hollow moon's bad ending :) (also such a great fic!!! your writing gives me so many emotions i had to lie down like a fainting victorian woman)
oh my god ;; okay, so- i feel like i should highlight first that this is all stuff that mainly got thrown around inside my head; i never actually wrote anything out properly? so this might come off more as a deranged rambling than anything else aha-
tbh the bad ending feels kinda self-explanatory: the moon wins. that's all there is to it; either sebek and malleus don't get there in time so silver manages to throw lilia off with magic and escape through the portal, or malleus' attempt to cut off his magic fails... et cetera, et cetera.
i got really tempted to write that. sheep (friend who helped me a lot with hollow moon) and i REALLY like the moon (we call her "moonie") and it just got really tempting to write a bad ending where she's basically toying with silver, dressing him in pretty clothes and making him entertain her, and kind of sort of managing to keep him alive (barely) while his mind's just a complete mess under the full extent of her thrall. idk, i'm a sucker for Women™ who do things like that. y'all don't know how much i liked writing moonie toying with silver in the dream sequences in hollow moon (answer: a lot)
except the problem is that this bad end led me to think about a good end to the bad end (convoluted!!), which utilises one of my favourite tropes in general: rescue missions. do you think?? the other three are just gonna take this lying down?? they're gonna find a way to break in and drag silver back and AAAAA i had to throttle and restrain myself from scrapping the original ending and writing that because. Do You KNOW how much i fucking LOVE rescue missions?? malleus 1v1's the moon while lilia and sebek go looking for silver (who is just unconscious and left in a pretty little tower somewhere in those mountains, sleeping in a bed while moonie deals w the pesky intruders...) something something the horror of seeing ur son just fucking Gone mentally and needing to drag him out before it's too late. anyways
IDK I HOPE THIS MAKES SENSE but man. hollow moon. sure did take a lot out of me. moonie is a #girlboss and i love her. tbh the main reason why i didn't scrap it is bc 1) i think the fic would've gotten another 20k words and i was not strong enough and 2) i still like the og ending. i think it fits perfectly and i had it in mind since the beginning so i wasn't gonna just scrap it. IT WAS STILL TEMPTING THOUGH-
(also thank you!!! i'm glad you enjoyed! i'm filing that under my list of incredibly specific compliments that made my day aaaaa)
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soulsxng · 1 year
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One of the many reasons why I love Kade so much, is because he's one of the few muses that, when shit hits the fan, he's sitting back with bangers like:
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"...Really? This again? Can we not have two fuckin' months where all this dramatic shit don' happen?"
"Y'all 're really gonna start a big fight over petty personal shit like tha', 'n 'nstead'a dealin' with it one on one, ya go draggin' other people int' it t' fight your battle for ya? Nah, count me out."
"So 'nstead'a mindin' your own business, ya jus' decided t'...not do that. Oh. 'Cause ya wanted t' help when ya weren' asked. Right. Huh? Oh, nah, 's nothin'. Jus' gettin' the story straight."
"Look, I was born too old 'n tired t' wanna deal with this kinda shit."
"Aight sure, but...why 're we wantin' to do this, again?"
or in the case of the drabble I'm writing now
"Lemme guess, existence as we know it 's fucked, yeah? Real big surprise-- tha' def'nitely ain't somethin' tha's happened b'fore."
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rainingincale · 6 months
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.
#we ran through the bright tokyo lights nothing to lose. summer of 2012 burnt in our minds. hot crazy and drunk 5 in a room. singing our hear#ts out to carly. sweat in our eyes. throwing drinks at each other. making fun of our lovers. getting kicked out on the streets. we were best#friends forever. but the truth is. im so good at crashing in. making sparks and shit but then. im a bad. im a bad. im a bad friend. so dont#ask me where ive been. been avoiding everything. cause im a bad. im a bad. im a bad friend. im a bad friend. guess we fell out. what was tha#t all about. maybe i over reacted. well maybe you shouldnt have. god its insane how things can change like that. dont even know where you ar#e what you do and who you do either. throwing drinks at each other. making fun of our lovers. getting kicked out on the street. we were best#friends forever. but the truth is. im so good at crashing in. making sparks and shit but then. im a bad. im a bad. im a bad friend. so don#t ask me where ive been. been avoiding everything. cause im a bad. im a bad. im a bad. put your hands up if youre not good at fhis stuff. pu#t your hands up if youre not good at this stuff. put your hands up if youre not good at this stuff. maybe im a bad friend. im so good at cra#shing in. making sparks and shit but then. im a bad. im a bad. im a bad friend. so dont ask me where ive been. been avoiding everything. cau#se im a bad. im a bad. im a bad. im so good at crashing in. making sparks and shit but then. im a bad. im a bad. im a bad friend. so dont as#k me where ive been. been avoiding everything. cause im a bad#im a bad. im a bad friend.#le song shouting
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merevide · 1 year
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2 in the morning, trying to not fuck up putting on nail polish and i just remembered nat scatorccio is dead in the dirt actually not coming back going cold in the earth permanently eternally fucking DEAD. what the fuck.
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pepprs · 2 years
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hm. i think i am going to stop going to counseling. he does not understand me. he pathologizes things that are not pathological.
#purrs#the premises of counseling / therapy are that you need to have boundaries and be self sufficient and fully healed. FUCK THAT! relationships#are not transactions. we are allowed to need each other. we are allowed to blur lines. we are human and messy. our thoughts and feelings ar#PRECIOUS. im not letting go of my thoughts they mean EVERYTHING to me they are the key to the WORLD. im not letting go of redacted why on#EARTH would i stop redacteding to redacted that is HELPFUL for me. i don’t CARE about the roots. who the fuck is it hurting????? NO ONE!!!!#the way he flat out told me he agrees with my mom. bitch im done forever. im done literaly forever. i don’t know how to tell him but im don#forever. maybe it’s just my id which is what he said to me LMFAO and like maybe i just don’t like being uncomfortable or facing hard truths#but i don’t fucking think it’s TRUE!!!!!!!!!! yeah i need to grow yeah i have unhealthy behaviors. but i don’t need to let go of the whole#THING bc of some arbitrary transactional concept of what relationships are supposed to be / mean. ive NEVER had a counselor try to uproot t#the whole damn thing like omg what is WRONG with you. i#im paying this man $25 a week to UNDERSTAND me and not ONCE have i felt understood by him. counselors can disagree with me but i literally#never feel like he is on my side. he’s adhering to conventional ideas about what parents are supposed to be and friends are supposed to be#and work is supposed to be etc etc. and so patronizingly said just enjoy being 23 you don’t wanna waste your 20s! FUCK YOU. i will not#regret anything even if it’s unusual. FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!#and also i know he probably watches back thru the recordings and has like his supervisor and professors watch them too which means that#there is a whole team of scientists + my family studying me in a lab and thinking im insane and finding ways to tell me. but fucking bold o#him to assume he can give me any meaningful valuable insight when he is actively checking his laptop / phone during our sessions and rarely#if eve gives me a chance to drive MY OWN CONVERSATION THAT IM PAYING FOR and is so phony abt being on the recording. like Omg. maybe im jus#grown out of it. it fucking SUCKS bc i actually have things i am not normal about and really need help with and i can’t actually get help f#from ppl whose job it is to fucking help me bc they think im not normal about things i PROMISEEEE i am normal about. and the way i effectiv#effectively told him that and he responded that he can’t take that credibly bc there’s no action behind it BY WHICH HE MEANS I HAVENT#STOPPED REDACTEDING TO ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT REDACTED IN MY WHOLE LIFE? THAT I HAVENT DECIDED IM DONE LEARNING SND GROWING AND CUT IT#OFF?????? DO YOU FUCKING HEAR YOURSELF. INSANE. the ANTITHESIS of human. we are MEANT TO BE CONNECTED. FUCK!!!!!!!!!#delete later#my old counselors challenged me and disagreed with me b it i never felt like they flat out were unwilling to meet me where i am and#compromise with me. is that not what counselors are supposed to do???? or have i just had bad counselors until now??? because im NORMAL. i#swear to fucking god. im normal. im literally normal and it is not doing ANYONE harm. what is wrong with you. GOD
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earnestlyeccentric · 10 months
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The Course of Love
Author: Alain de Botton Rating: 3/5 A fictional self-help book about how marriage is sustained. Spoilers ahead. Continue reading Untitled
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