#ask me where ive been. been avoiding everything. cause im a bad. im a bad. im a bad friend. im a bad friend. guess we fell out. what was tha

[brightokyolights]

.

[wanderrlust0]

sudden rant turned spiral lol oops

my friend got tickets to see hozier aka andrew their wife and basically got them for us since i said id be down to go. personally im not like a fan where id go see him but id say im a casual listener. like i knew a good amount of songs. i loveee cherry wine and others. now that we have this concert coming up on june 7, ive become a listener. i gotta prepare and all that yknow. cant go to andrew unprepared. also..idk how?! but i was not aware of his thick irish accent.. loll and i mean, even in his new album, he sings with a clear accent?? idk how i never noticed before honestly. so yeah, im curious to know what a hozier concert will be liikeeee. this will be my second concert this yr and they both involve me going bc a friend asked me to go for company lol. i am going to another in august w my bf to see porter robinson and thats actually one i will really enjoy!! itll also be our first like “edm” dance music type concert so itll be so cool. its at the same stadium that hozier will be at as welllll..but you see, what im procrastinating is telling my bf im going w my friend. my friend who hes not a fan of. the one who he thinks is a Threat! D: ive been knowing for likee 2 weeksish and havent said a single word about it agdjfkfl but i am calling it now.. i. will. tell. him. tomorrow. period. no ifs ands or buts. i need to stop worrying and just rip the bandaid off. once i do tho, im still gonna feel anxious bc literally The NEXt WEEk we will most likely go to my (ex)coworkers second party. (the one who threw a halloween party and i didnt know if wed go but we were already hanging out that day so i mentioned it prior and we ended up having enough time and the girls house was very close to me so we ended up dropping by and i told elias right then and there so it was very last minute and kind of fucked up of me but ive developed an avoidance thing towards him if it has to do with snow bc of everything and thats why now i cant help myself from feeling nervous to ever bring them up around him bc im scared he’ll revert back and not love me and start resenting me and leave me and be mean to me and make me feel lonely and accuse me of things and say its my fault i started the friendship in the first place and that im not committed to him and dont love him anymore and everything else under the sun bc hes got trust issues which is a pain and he’ll go from loving me so hard to not in a quick minute if he starts thinking the worst possibilities and i just cant handle all of that and tbh its nothing new so ive grown to understand the process and that itll pass but it really does suckk and it can turn into a turn off and then he becomes emotionally unavailable and then i become emotionally annoyed and then its a constant reoccurring cycle that doesnt always look the same but they follow the same theme which is trust and every time it happens i want to shout at his ex for causing him to develop this issue and this is me spiraling right now bc im nervous and to be crystal clear its not bc im doing anything shady at all or anything with this friend but i just wanna feel the freedom to just casually hang out with them without it feeling so taboo or whatever bc we still have so many plans that wed like to do and idk if he will ever be okay with me going to their house and idk when he’ll ever get better where he wont care how many times we hang out or how often we talk and i just want him to chill about them bc theyre not a bad person at all theyre not this homewrecker girlfriend stealer he makes it out to beeee were literally just existinggg were literally just two friends who enjoy each others company and existence and have become very open and genuine with fairly quickly and we somehow just connected and i truly do love them as a friend and im happy weve crossed paths and stayed in touch and its just something he cant and wont fully understand about us but hes been trying to at least a little but is mainly just dealing with it bc he knows he cant stop me and im not gonna stop my friendship bc hes telling me to so,

…continued…

[cybermeep]

a price of being overtly emotional is that when you feel an intense emotion, it seems amplified compared to what a normal quantity of it would be. this happens often with me; whether its happiness, sadness, irritation, etc. then again, its able to also vary by situation; you likely wouldnt be too saddened by a dropped ice cream cone, but would be incredibly shattered by the death of a close family member or friend.

anyway, what i wish to portray is that my emotions can be in excess & this has caused a plethora of interactions. i remember the group of four or so boys who had seen me [insert how long ago], emotionally broken & incapable of any true thought as i sat on a small bench & in a tiny open room just outside of where the cafeteria was. they asked me if i was okay, what happened, and although i appreciated their sentiments & a small part of me really did wish to speak to them, my body was physically unable to handle both the group of people & the noise & absolutely everything. that’s just one example, although similar interactions to that have too happened.. although they were less sparked by any direct event in front of me and more so amalgamations of thoughts & worries.

this is both hopelessly embarrassing and pathetic while simultaneously maddening to me; maddening i can’t simply hold things like i used to be able to, or vice versa being able to hold these things but for shorter periods of time, maddening i am no longer able to do the trick of holding ones tongue up to the roof of their mouth to stop themselves from crying because i forget. i feel a heavy sense of both guilt and irritation whenever i have the misfortune of bad timing in front of my friends. i remember another time i had too seemed utterly incapable, & like a foolish individual had been crying in front of the people whom i sit with in horticulture; causing them to worry. i remember sitting in guidance after i walked out, vulnerability on total display as i got a message asking me if i was okay and if something happened. i felt awful, truly, and felt even more awful i wasn’t able to keep myself together & that i was still such a mess over the same topic. i should’ve been able to, i should’ve, but i was unable. and although one of the girls had comforted me, saying to not beat myself up & that she was quote unquote sure i couldn’t do something wrong, something which is highly inaccurate but i digress, it still continues to gnaw at me that someone else had to deal with that & deal with the subsequent knowledge of knowing i wasn’t okay.

i realize this is idiotic, as ive long cared for others in their sensitive states— see a girl i know whom had dealt with a plethora of things & how although i was unable to hug her or be the best of verbal help i was able to lend her my sea slug plush & give her some candy— and i also realize its idiotic to say others aren’t burdens & always have the ability to vent or talk to me if need be if i don’t hold the same standard towards myself.. although its less as if its self-loathing or disgust and more so a sense of feeling as if my existence is one which is inevitably in a given space but is completely optional to interact with or even acknowledge, much less needed to comfort.

that doesn’t mean i don’t enjoy comfort & acknowledgement; i absolutely do! its something which helps me immensely & if i can i try to encourage it, the acknowledgment i mean, but i feel as if im unworthy of it unless i’ve proven myself. there’s always a bigger fish in the sea & a better individual to help, so i don’t see why my existence is one someone goes out of their way to comfort unless i’ve done something equally helpful. i know i have, so therefore it’s understandable & i shouldn’t feel bad for others caring about me as its just equal reciprocation of care, but nonetheless its something i worry for & i still outwardly try to avoid accidentally sharing my issues with others if i can help it. unluckily for me, my blunt honesty i hold makes this difficult as i never feel comfortable lying..

..i still remember one of these times, too; i remember a lot of niche things, huh. it was sometime with the same group of people who i talk to in horticulture; this time one of the girls had asked me specifics & seemed persistent on hearing an answer. i.. really didn’t like this, so i tried to opt out. the girl beside her cupped her hands & mouthed something, i didn’t know what she was trying to silently say until it clicked after the third or fourth time she silently mouthed it. i felt my stomach drop; i knew no matter my answer, it was likely to be said anyway when i was gone. after immense turmoil, i sighed & let the girl who seemed to realize tell the other (although it would’ve happened regardless of my answer) what she wished to hear. it was.. less than ideal.

in totality, sometimes it feels as if i hold the emotions of more than one person, like my body holds those of three or four. if not hold, then feel; i feel the emotions i have are made for three or four separate people to have, but they’ve all amalgamated & spawned in a short and small body. it makes it incredibly hard to both calm down & overall know what to do with these emotions, as calming down essentially involves four separate people to breathe and relax in a steady pace. this abundance of emotion may also in turn explain why it takes me longer to recover from things, as its like calming four crying babies down in unison instead of just one.

unrelated: may try to trim my hair tonight, as its getting a bit longer than i’d like. remembering when one person noted the change in my hair length when i fixed it last… one! i don’t think my mom even knew…

[andnowwedance]

I stopped reading halfway through because dont come into my inbox lecturing me. I stay out of this 99.9% of the time, a look at my blog will confirm that. that one blog just happened to cross my path today and i had just enough time to point out that nonsense i didnt go looking for for shit///

Same anon who sent the ask, ignore my prior reply regarding you not reading my entire post. I was being snarky because I thought you were knee deep in his fandom and asking why everything was the way it was. I understand now you haven’t been aware of many things regarding the fandom and that’s my bad. I assumed you knew the team pr and team real crap as you were in a convo with the main pr blogs who cause drama and are labeled as delusional. I was just tired of everything going back and forth.

My ask was mainly a psa to his overall fandom as well as me venting, but it was mainly to his fandom and anyone in the team pr vs team real crap because I stupidly assumed many CE fans were on your page.

I apologize.

You had a comment stating that you were trying to understand and I call myself answering your question but with sarcasm towards his fandom. I thought you’d find the humor in it, but I suck at voicing my emotions and sarcasm.

I’m over everything but I’m sorry if I came off as attacking you. That wasn’t my intention. I was in his fandom and it just got to be too much, so again I’m sorry especially if you just ended up in the middle of stuff today all from one simple ask.

I sincerely thought you knew what’s been going on and we’re one of the other blogs arguing back and forth, but regardless I should have communicated better and read the room, again I apologize.

I do stand by avoiding all fandoms so they won’t stress you out but I think I foolishly accidentally did that.

So sorry again, you’re definitely right to avoid his fans. 😅🫣

Have a wonderful weekend!

Oh ive been in this fandom for years as I stated in some of my other replies this morning. Ive VERY aware of all of it. I appreciate the apology for being snarky though. Injust want to make it clear that i DO NOT make argue with these people. Ive done a very good job at culling them out of my internet experience. Its just that loving hadnt posted in a long time and when she does its just gift and pics so she didnt get removed during the culling and when i came across her little post i just had to point out that she was making the point she thought she was making. I have this issue where i struggle to let things pass by without comment, hence the massive culling, and strangely its often about little side things and not even the main issue. Like i would never arguing with her about weather not its fake, people’s mind are made up on that and im certainly not going to change them. My point was that the article she was presenting to demonstrate that Hollywood has lots of fake relationships wasnt actually about fake relationships it was about fake marriage ceremonies for (relatively) real couples. Thats all i was trying to point out.

I unfollowed her now fyi so that shouldn’t be happening again

[videostak]

duuude my living situation sucks so much donkey dick it makes me wish i could like cry :’( srlsy just got cussed out by my dad for not doing things that are supposed to be other ppls chores. i wish i could pinpoint the point in my life where my family started seeing me as their personal maid to yell at whenever anythings a mess. i know it started with me doing the dishes (my family and mom specifcally had stated that we would all help with the dishes and then after like a week no one else helped and it all fell on me and since then theyve just stopped doing stuff that they used to help out w/ so now im like doing everything basically or at the leeast the one whos expected to keep things tidy) probably the closest ive ever been to ssaying fuck you to one of my family members let alone a living person at all. tho i thought things would be crazy dire when it reached the point of being chewed out for things that arent even my responsibility but in reality when i felt like saying it i realized like it would have no impact. like my dad said fucking 600 times while chewing me out and i was like didnt kno he reached that point where he just cusses his own family members out right out the gate. it was literally so insane hes insane and just has such a fkd idea of what like dumbass nuclear family bs. every1 else puts up with his shit and just avoids talking to him and i feel like im the only one who actually takes a stand for myself cause idk i feel like i dont have anything to lose. if he kicks me out ill live on the streets die on the streets idc like just so fucked living like this. every1 expects to clean up after them but if they catch me cleaning up after them thhey act like im babying them and not letting them be adults its so fkd like theres truly no way out the only way out is just like thru with blunt force  i think. like im so sick of my dad theres so many times id put up with his bs and take his side on things but i rly do not wanna talk or even entertain the idea of talking to him to him. literally anytime any1 talks to him he just turns it into a 30 minute lecture and he acts so childish when things dont go his way. like when i got furniture for my room and he was annoyed cause i didnt ask him for furniture (wtf) and  then once when i said i was looking for a round lil table and he takes me to the garage to show me a long rectangle table that doesnt even match the other furniture in my room and when i say its not what i was looking for he goes all silent and just guides me out lol. liek when i was a kid i thought it was so amazing that my mom and dad got married when they were p young (dont remember the ages exactly but im p sure my mom was 19 and my dad was idk how many years older he is but just like a few) but now like i see so clearly how totally much it stunted their growth. they both act like little kids and never listen or behave like adults can never take accountability or give actual apologies like def made me realize u should wait as long as possible to get married. i guess its good they got married or atleast had sex since it means i got to be born (yay) but everything else abt it is a real bad deal. rly dont see myself being able to move out anytime soon but ill honestly just keep at the work and save up money and like some day go back to college and hopefully make connections to finda roommate or smthn.

[daddynegandesires]

Secrets chapter 3

Summary: ellies birthday and mothers day is coming up as emotions and pent up anger are spiraling between you, negan, and jack while more and more secrets begin to unfold.

18+

Warming: nsfw, fluff, kink, depression, abuse

Sorry for the late update on this chapter its kind of a short one ive just have been going through some personal things and havent found the motivation to finish this one yet.❤ i hope you all like it!❤

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You and negan haven't spoke in a few days ellies birthday is today and you have been busy decorating. Negan is suppose to be picking up the cake at the store. jack has returned back from his "business trip" withq an odd hickey on his neck that keeps gawking at you everytime you speak to him. You want to avoid conflict because you arent so innocent yourself after what happen with negan last time you saw him but thats just not who you are....you have to confront him but you also dont want to ruin ellies day infront of everyone.

"Hey jack, do you mind helping me with this streamer" you called out to him from the ladder

"Sure hun" he took the streamer from your hand taping it up to the wall

"Thank you.....uh negan should be here soon with her cake" you said folding up the step ladder

"I could of went and grabbed it" he scoffs

"I uh..well sorry i didnt know it was a big deal" you try to laugh it off politely

"Dont even worry about it...." He walks past you ramming his ahoulder into you heading outside

Negan had arrive with the cake and so did a few of ellies friends and your mother. You and your mothers relationship really has never been that great but you try to make peace with it for ellies sake. Negan came in with a huge gift box all wrapped in pink with a bow.

" i thought we agreed nothing crazy" you whispered to him

"Whaat...can i not spoil my girl" negan grins at you

Ellie runs out of her room her eyes light up at the size of the gift her dad got her.

"Mommy look at this...its humongo!" She says messing with the bow

"I see honey..dont mess with it yet" you giggle

"Where is your boy toy.." His tongue slides across his bottom lip

You kept silent while negan stared you down waiting for a response but nothing came out his eyes were burning a hole through you he always knew when shit was up.

"Ah i see....the silent treatment" folding his arms

Negan walks off to go play with ellie and say hello to a few people when your mother walks up to you.

"Hey mom..." You say emotionless

"What is negan doing here.." She asks

"Mom...please dont. Thats ellies dad. I told you we are trying to work on things for ellies sake" you say annoyed.

"Well...once a cheater always a cheater. Im just saying" as she sips on her cup of wine walking away

A few hours have passed and ellie got to blow out her candles and eat cake. Jack still hasnt said much to you throughout the whole party and its more than obvious that negan is starting to catch on im just hoping he doesn't notice the hicky on his neck. Ellie has been bugging you about negans gift so you were going to let her open it.

"Ellie open it up over here sweetie so everyone can see" you say smiling

Ellie quikly rips the hot pink rapping paper off and squeals in excitement as she realizes its a electric scooter that she has been wanting. Negan was standing by your side with his hand sneakily rested on your lower back with a huge smile on his face.

"Oh my god you got me that scooter!!" Ellie begins jumping up and down

"Negan....those cost alot" you whispered in his ear

"dont worry about it....i got it taken car of" he says sternly

"Lets take it outside!!" Negans runs over and picks it up in excitment with all of the kids following him outside to ride on the scooter. You were throwing away dirty plates when jack came up to you

"So you want to explain why you and negan have been so close" he quietly says to you

You instantly start to burn with rage as he asks you that knowing he has been keeping things from you too and the fact his assistant melissa has been speaking to him inappropriately. You were holing the knife in your hand for cutting the cake reminding you of the incident that happened between you and negan once you found out he was cheating. you froze and gripped tightly on the knife thinking of how to approach this.

"You're a fucking whore..." He spat at you

"Jack.....get the fuck away from me" you quietly say

"Yeah i bet thats what you want.....so he can fuck you" he says through gritted teeth

"Its. Ellies. Birthday.....fucking knock it off we can settle this later" you slowly set the knife down unclenching your fist

Jack stands there glaring at you with his jaw clecnhed before giving up and walking away. You let out a sigh of relief and pour yourself a glass of wine. You take a sip closing your eyes feeling like everything is going in slomotion in that moment when you here yelling outside and notice its negan and jack. You drop your glass spilling your wine everywhere running outside.

"Back the fuck off man!" Jack yells with his fist balled up

"Ohh...you really want to go there dude..." Negan laughs

"You are fucking (y/n) and i know it!" Jack lunges towards him throwing a punch hitting negan in the face making him stumble

Negan catches his balace reaching up to his face touching where jack punched him in the mouth realizing he is bleeding negan licks the blood off his lips and lets out a sinister almost scary deep chuckle.

"Oh...you fucked up." Negan lunges towards jack football tackling him to the ground he starts punching jack over and over again blood all over his fists

"Negan!!!...no! Stop!" You rush over trying to pry negan off of jack

"Negan stop for ellie please!" You begin to cry struggling to finally get him off causing you to fall backwards with negan on you

"You are a dead fucking man!....now get the fuck off my property..." Negan threats

You push negan off to go check on jack you try to get jack to respond to you and see if he is okay but he just spits in your face shoving you away causing you to fall before you know it negan charges back over and starts beating the shit out of him all you can do is scream at them and cry. Through tear filled eyes you notice the cops rushing up the street pulling into the drive way the last thing you remember is the cops pulling negan off and everything went black.

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Jack and negan were both arrested but were soon let go apparently i had fainted due to stress and dehydration they kept me in the hospital until i was better. You kicked jack out of the house and you haven't spoke to negan since ellies birthday. Things have been rough being alone for ahwile and ellie was getting upset about not seeing her dad.

Text from negan:

Hey....im coming by

You looked at your phone to see a text from negan but you just ignored it and continued to cook some food for ellie. There was a knock at the door you sighed annoyingly before unlocking the deadbolt and opening the door to negans innocent brown eyes staring back at you. before you could give him a chance to speak you shut the door in his face but he quickly caught it in time with his foot in the doorway before it closed.

"Negan...ellie should be home. She is still upset" you sigh

"Thats okay i want to make it up to you two" he says pushing the door open coming inside

You just stand there silent with your arms crossed untill you hear ellies bus coming down the road and before you know it she busts through the door yelling.

"Mommmyyyy! Happy mothers dayzz!" Ellies runs up to you handing you a picture she made at school

"Awe...thank you sweet heart its gorgeous" you took the pink paper from her smiling and when to hang it on the fridge

"Look i want to take you two out to dinner...its mothers day and you deserve it..look i know i fucked up but that asshole had it coming" negan says

"Negan dont.....go ask Ellie she is the real one you need to be apologizing to not me" you stare at the ground avoiding eye contact.

"Ohh ellie daddy wants to talk to you!" He walks off to her room

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You, negan, and ellie were all out at dinner at your favorite steakhouse enjoying your meal when the waiter brought a bottle of wine

"Negan....i cant afford that" you quietly say

"Ah ah....you deserve it i mean you are the best mom ever" he winks at you popping the lid off pouring wine into your glass

"Thanks..." You shyly say before taking a sip

"So.....the school fired me" negan cleared his throat

You choked on your drink hearing the words that had just came out of negans mouth

"What?..how come" you say wipping wine off your chin

"Well....they dont want me as a coach anymore since what happened at ellies birthday. They say its wildly inappropriate and against policy to still have me there" he bites in his steak

"What are you going to do..." You ask worried

"Ohhh no biggie i always have things taken care of" he smiles at you

"If you need anything im here..." You look up at him

" i know....thank you" he reaches across the table holding your hand

The three of you finish up dinner afterwards you all go for a late walk through the park. It felt nice to get out and have some fresh air after what happended at the party. Your phone kept buzzing off the hook of texts from jack you kept trying to hide it from negan to not let him worry. You felt bad hiding it from negan but you knew it would start a fight but you also didnt want to let jack go without some talking. Negan took you and ellie back home ellie ran inside and got ready for bed.

"I know he is talking to you..." Negan says sternly while placing one hand against the wall beside your head

"Negan....can we not talk about this right now" you say turning your head away from him

"No!...you will look at me when im speaking to you" negan grabs ahold of your chin forcing you to look at him

"Yes....yes im still talking to him.." You say embarassed

"Why....he is such a load of whoreshit....im standing right infront of you (y/n)...im here now! Take me back please. Im an honest man now!" Negan growls

" get...off of me!" You scream and shove him away from you and begin to walk angrily down the road

"(Y/n) get back here now!...where the fuck do you think you are going!" Negan trys to catch up with you when it suddenly starts raining

"Negan stop trying so hard!...this is going nowhere!" You say crying

"Why do you keep saying that!...i want this to work!" Negan finally catches up to you grabbing you by the arm spinning you around

"......well i dont..." You choked on those words as they slipped out of your mouth it felt like your heart had just stopped for a split second it killed you to say that to negan but it had to be done

"You....dont want this." He said quietly and upset with rain drops running down his perfect face

"Negan....i.... I cant. You have to let me go" you say caressing his face" you said giving him a half smile with a single tear rolling down your cheek

"W....what about ellie.....thats my babygirl" Negan begans to tear up pulling you into a hug

"You can still be in ellies life.....i start therapy next tuesday" you say ending the hug

"You can talk to me (y/n)" negan sniffles

"There are just things that just feel easier letting out to a stranger sometimes..."

"I love you....." Negan says bresthlessly

"....i love you too but from a distance.....i have boundaries set now negan"

You and negan began to walk back to the house getting inside you hand him a towel to dry himself off. Negan follows you to the bedroom.

"There are still some of your clothes in the closet...." You say facing away from him

"You still have some of my old clothes here...." Negan opens the door seeing his shirts still hanging in the same spot before he moved out

"I didnt know if you still wanted them or not..." You say nervously

"Its okay. Thank you" negan takes off his soaking wet shirt switching it out with an old faded band shirt

"You can sleep on the couch if you would like..." You offer him

"You sure you are going to be okay with that?" He raises an eyebrow at you

"Yeah....plus its been lonely here just me and ellie" you chuckle handing him a blanket

Negan takes the blanket from you before turing around to open the bedroom door to leave. As soon as the door shut you quietly sobbed making sure it wasnt loud enough for negan to hear. You wiped your tears away before getting yourself ready for bed. You tossed and turned for most of the night your head filled with unnecessary thoughts and cenarios. You just wanted all of this pain to go away you dont know what you are doing with yourself anymore the only thing that keeps you holding on is ellie and negan.

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[ablednt]

im not disagreeing with ur gifted kid post, but the way some of ur stuff is phrased can come off in ways u might not have intended. boiling those sorts of unrealistic expectations of very young kids down to "being complimented too much" ignores that a lot of these kids were unfairly placed in these programs and forced to complete them regardless of how much they struggled with it (and that these kids were in prime environments for developing npd due to overinflated ego from a young age). many gifted kids were given extremely unreasonable expectations and only barely managed to meet them in order to avoid facing punishment for failing. im not saying there ARENT gifted kids who dont treat it like "oh i was so special and now im not boohoo :( i need special treatment for it" but i feel like theres some aspects thats have been unintentionally misunderstood (/nm /nonagg!!! ^^ just wanted to bring this up as more of a discussion than an argument, hope ive made sense!)

No I definitely agree but my point is that I've never seen a genuine discussion from these people about this and I'm sure they exist to some capacity but that's Very Clearly not what the community was formed around nor where the term originated. People don't complain that they had expectations on them they just make stupid tiktoks like "teachers seeing a neurodivergent person: omg you're so smart you're my favorite student!!!" and then act like that's 1. universal and not just for palatable NDs and 2. that being complimented by their teachers was the problem and not everything else

I think it's also important to note that the expectations really weren't worse for gifted kids, it's just that gifted kids got closer to reaching those expectations and felt they actually had a chance whereas everyone else was punished automatically for not coming close. The issue is not specific to any one class or type of class it's a widespread issue with academia as a whole.

I genuinely don't think that gifted kids had it any easier than anyone else but I don't think that they had it harder either. Recently someone while venting told me, "I think school is stealing my family from me" because of the extreme expectations put on them and they're definitely not in any kind of gifted kid program, it's literally just as bad and extreme for all of us.

Like and I really don't think it's a coincidence that the times that I've criticized gifted kids and the times that I've challenged academia is when I've gotten some of my most blatantly ableist asks telling me to "just get over [my disability] and read some fucking books" and grasping at whatever straws they can to make me look "unintelligent" (like yeah I totally don't have trauma with academia I'm just mad because [checks notes] I play undertale sometimes and it made me incapable of coherent thought I guess/s)

The community is inherently classist and ableist and whilst they definitely do have trauma from academia it is not any different than the rest of ours, them separating it as some different and unique trauma just because they did better than us so obviously we just Wouldn't Understand their Huge Brains is just so frustrating and gross and I just really wish people would realize that rather than using this as a crutch not to work on their internalized ableism like yeah take trauma processing at your own pace but that doesn't mean you get to make it everyone else's problem.

Also a lot of people are gonna hate this comparison but I frankly don't see a single difference in gifted kids making up terms to say that their experiences are somehow more severe or even all that different to ours cause they're just Built Different and empaths taking widespread issues that affect everyone and acting like they're just sensitive special little souls and we could never comprehend their pain when really it's the same shit like depression, anxiety, etc. that we all live with on a daily basis.

[brightokyolights]

im so good at crashing in. making sparks and shit but then. im a bad. im a bad. im a bad friend. so dont ask me where ive been. been avoiding everything. cause im a bad. im a bad. im a bad friend.

[blxetsi]

Hi there! I love your work!! So I know this sounds a little niche but, could we get headcanons for a reader in a polyamorous relationship with Hange and Miche please? Hope you’re having a really good day!

NO BEXAUSE IVE BEEN WAITING FOR SOMEINE TO REQUEST POLYAMOROUS STUFF OMGGGGG 😭 ty for your service anon it means a lot 😔🙏

hange and mike dating headcanons (canonverse)

zoë hange x gn!reader x mike zacharias

warnings: polyamorous relationship, and titans ??, reader is kinda innocent ?? like just easily wound up

also this is going to be SO fucking long and focused on hange for the first long bit sorry !

btw this isnt rlly dating headcanons so much as backstory, how you met, and shit leading up to actually getting together i went so fucking overboard and went the complete opposite way of what you asked ill do a part two with ACTUAL dating headcanons if youd like anon just tell me and ill do it

- i think you wouldve worked for garrison originally

- in season one when hange started the experiments on sawney and bean thats when you would've met them

- you had been a big fan of their research studies for a while, so being in front of someone you thought was so cool was a little nerve wracking

- you had just became newly appointed as a captain for a garrison squad, being one of the youngest recruits to get the position, which also meant some people thought you couldnt handle the job

- you were good at telling others what to do, and guiding them when needed, you took over the leader role very quickly, you had to if you wanted to keep the position

- although you thought you were a good leader, others didnt

- specifically older members of garrison who thought because you were so young, youd be naive

- and since you were a garrison captain, you worked closely with hange and moblit during their experiments

- any request they made for supplies or anything, went through you and youd get it for them

- they needed more help ? youre requesting three soldiers to the experimentation zone immediately. anything they needed you helped with, because you liked helping

- hange had quickly grown fond of you, they were so thankful that you were so willingly to have your squad help them. you remember the brunette grabbing your hand and saying "thank you for your dedication to this project and to science !" while bowing multiple times

- as unsanitary and childish as it was,,, you didnt wash that hand for a day

- hange saw how some members of your squad treated you, and it may have irked them a bit

- causing them to rant to moblit while writing down research data

- "hange." "i just dont get it, why dont they say anything ? theyre so nice so why dont people respect them like they should-" "hange !" "what ?!" "youre writing down captain l/n's name on your page !" "so what ?!- wait what" this causes a night of bickering between the two of them 😐🤚

- when sawney and bean died hange was devastated. you had grown to like the section commander as a friend and respected them greatly, so to see their hardwork and research all go down the drain was hard

- you immediately went into leader mode and started ordering your squad around "listen up ! i want this whole perimeter checked and searched for any evidence to help us find out who did this." a couple members groaned, and one man, who was in his early thirties made a comment about it. "theyre just stupid fucking titans. we're supposed to kill them, not keep them alive for some freak to experiment on them."

- yknow,, looking back on it maybe you shouldnt have went off on them the way you did, but you did because not only was the man questioning your authority and orders, he was blatantly disrespecting a section commander. "i am your captain. i am your leader. you will respect me, and you will listen to me. you either do i say or youll be suspended and taken off my squad immediately. and that goes for everyone ! do i make myself clear ?" you shouted. the man who had talked back raised his eyebrows, youd never once yelled or demanded things be done in a manner like this, and it clearly shocked him when you stood up for yourself.

- a bunch of murmurs came from your squad and you dismissed them, but not before stepping in front of your soldier in front of everyone. "between you and me ? you should be discharged for not only your blatant disrespect and defiance to me for months now, but also for your innapropriate and degrading comments about section commander hange. you wanna pull some shit like this in the future, not just to me but to anybody ? you should kiss your position in garrison squad goodbye, since youre too childish to keep your thoughts and opinions to yourself. now grow the fuck up and go do what ive asked please." the man looked scared as he stared at you, no one had seen you act like this before, his jaw clenched as he nodded and walked off, the rest of your squad dispersing with him

- you didnt notice hange calling your name until you felt their hand on your shoulder. you turned around and saw their sympathetic gaze on you. "thank you for defending me. are you okay ?"

- you rubbed the back of your neck and answered. "honestly ? i feel kind of bad, like i embarassed him or something." the survey corps leader tilted their head back as they laughed. "youre so kind y/n, but im proud of you." the comment, although lighthearted, struck a cord with you

- a couple days later you were requested to meet with not only the section commander but commander smith, as well as your superior, dot pixis

- the meeting only lasted about thirty minutes, but hange had boasted about not only your leadership skills but also your knowledge and ideas on various sciences. erwin decided to offer you a position to work under hange, and dot pixis agreed to have you transferred to the survey corps if you agreed.

- did your decision have to do with your crush on hange ? maybe. would you ever admit it ? no.

- pixis explained to you that youd be honorably disharged from the garrison regiment before being moved to the scouts' headquarters in trost

- you surprisingly got along well with others there. working in hanges squad was fun, and even though you were demoted from a captain back to a cadet you didnt mind

- hange had offered to share as much knowledge as they could with you, which led you to be in their office (as messy as it was) after work hours

- and thats where you met mike

- well, got to know him

- hange introduced you two when you first joined and the first thing the section commander did was NOT shake the hand you held out for him but to lean down and sniff around your hair and neck

- your face felt hot as you stuttered over your words, thrown off by his,,, unique, greeting

- hange and laughed and lightly pushed him away, before explaining to you that thats just what mike did

- back to being in hanges office

- for nights on end youd stay up together in their office, two chairs huddled beside one another while you read through books of research, not just from hange but from published scientists and anthropologists too

- mike had started joining you two only three days after you and hange started

- he would stay quiet, but would sit next to hange making them be sandwiched by the two of you

- after that you started to notice him more often

- down the halls he'd send you a small smile, which you brightly returned

- sometimes he'd be in charge of training that day, and he would wordlessly help you position your arms to properly block or punch when sparring with other members

- then he started bringing tea when he would come and listen to you and hange discuss different theories, articles and information together

- you didnt even know the two were dating until you accidentally walked in on them in hange's office

- they werent doing anything dirty, just giving each other a kiss, but you had walked in on them with a stack of papers captain levi told you to give to hange.

- you kinda,, stood there, slackjawed, while the two pulled apart slowly to look at you. hange had a mischievous grin on their face while mike just gave you a blank stare

- you dropped the papers. the stack of documents levi tasked you to give to hange. you dropped them. How Embarassing.

- your face began to feel hot not just from seeing them but also because youre embarassing yourself by dropping the papers and just standing there like an IDIOT

- "uh,,, i- captain levi said to give you those documents you requested." your voice cracked at the end making you wince

- "you mean the documents that are spread out on my floor now ?" hange asked. you looked between them and the floor, then at mike, then back to the floor than back at hange. "yes." you said, and you could feel that warmth in your face spreading to your ears now too. "im sorry." you exclaimed, your voice sounding strained as you quickly walked backwords and closed the door in front of you

- you started avoiding hange and mike after that, and became hyper aware of everything that they did. they were TAUNTING YOU 🙄 you could feel it

- instead of small smiles in the halls, after you started ducking your head down when you saw mike, he would now give you head pats when you crossed him

- hange would let their hand linger on your shoulder or side as they shuffled past you during meetings or experiments, and would come closer than usual when handing you documents

- mike would give you teasing smiles when you got your ass handed to you during sparring

- and finally you were fed up ! did this count as workplace harassment ? you didnt know but you wanted answers ! so you went to the source, hange's room after dinner

- you didnt bother knocking, you just walked in with your eyes closed

- hange giggled, "what are you doing y/n ?" "making sure im not walking into something i shouldnt be seeing, section commander." "by that do you mean the kiss mike and i shared ?" "yes." "well we're not kissing right now." they said, and you peaked one eye open to be sure they werent lying, and they werent !

mike stood up from his chair and slowly made his way past you, closing the door. you took a deep breath before throwing all of your word vomit on blond and brunette duo. "so i dont know why you guys think teasing me like this is fun, but it isnt. it makes me flustered and nervous and feel weird and im not sure if it counts as abuse of power but i dont like it so it needs to stop." you huffed in a big breath of air after saying all of that, and hange rested their head in their hands.

"y/n do you have a crush on me ?" they asked. their voice was soft but they still had that stupid smile on their face. you could feel your face getting warmer by the second. your mouth opened and closed but no words came out.

" i uh, im gonna leave now." you turned around but hit something hard, and looked up at mike looking down on you, a smirk on his face. he put his hands on your shoulders and turned you back around to hange, walking the two of you over to their desk. he gave you a slight push, causing you to put your hands on the desk and lean on it, while mike kept his hands on you to keep you from running.

hange leaned into you, your noses barely touching. "i only ask because, mike and i have grown very fond of you." they said. you nodded a little bit, the tips of your noses brushing against each other.

"yeah well, id be a little sad if my superiors didnt like me, that would be kind of bad." you replied.

"can i kiss you ?" they asked.

and now is when your brain really stops functioning. thoughts fill your mind of mike and his relationship to hange. are they actually together or is it a friends with benefits kind of thing ?

"i uh, i cant kiss you." you replied, a bit breathlessly caused by both section commanders.

"why not y/n ?"

"well i'm not a cheater, or a homewrecker. i mean i assume that you and mike are together so, im not going to kiss someone in a relationship." you stammered out. this was making you very nervous, butterflies errupting in your stomach. you knew they were just teasing you, goofing around to make you flustered, but a part of you hoped youd be able to kiss hange, and maybe mike for that matter.

they chuckled a bit, before their brown eyes looking behind you to mike's towering form. "honey, can you tell y/n its okay if they kiss me ?" they asked. mike let out a small laugh through his nose before leaning down.

"only if y/n promises to give me a kiss afterwards." he whispered. he pressed a faint kiss to your temple, and you shivered from the contact. he was warm, very warm, and even though it was such a small amount of contact it did so many things to you.

you gulped before bringing your eyes back to hange. you looked to their eyes, and then to their lips, and continued that pattern silently in hopes theyd understand. you didnt want to be teased anymore ! you wanted something to happen.

hange got the hint and smirked, before leaning in again and lightly brushing her lips against yours. theirs were soft compared to mikes chapped ones, and the kiss was so slow, so innocent, it had you leaning in for more. it was a slow, lazy kiss, a kiss to test the waters, it helped calm your nerves, but also made your nerved explode with heat.

finally the researched pulled away, and put their hands on your cheeks, squishing them to pucker your lips, before giving a kiss to your forehead, nose and lips one last time. they let go with a soft smile on their face, and a blush of their own.

you could feel mike press his body down against yours, making your knees buckle slightly. he took his right hand off your shoulder to place it on hange's cheek, thumbing over the red pigmentation. he then turned your head up and to the side, before giving you a kiss of his own. this one was a bit more dominating, hard. his chapped lips scratched against your own but you didnt mind. in a weird way it made you feel at ease, having him take control of it, the same way hange did but his was just more, needy.

he pulled back with a shaky breath and looked at you before looking at hange. "so y/n," hange began. they stood up and made their way around the table, mike pulling himself and you up straight so hange could sit on the edge, pulling you in to stand between their legs. being sandwiched in between mike and hange made you so aware of them, and even though you were very new to something like this you felt weirdly safe and secure. "mike and i genuinely care about you, and we want to be with you the way that we're with each other. would you like that ?"

honestly, how could you say no ?

thats it again im sorry the anon who requested this you did not get what you asked for 😭😭😭😭 hope u all enjoyed requests r open stay safe

[aurora-daily]

AURORA’s Reddit Q&A (July 13th 2021)

Kmilalv: Hello aurora we love you, I'm @ aurora.s_love on instagram ✨✨🥰🥰🧚‍♀️🧚‍♀️ Aurora: oh hellooo!!!! Exportmusic: Meep Aurora: meep < 3 Lisxnne: WELL HELLO AND THANKS FOR YOUR NEW SONG! 🙏🌟💕 Aurora: HELLO!! and thank you for being open to it 24681357900: Thank u for making music Aurora: thank you for inviting it into your heart Emergency-Club-7529: This is have some upper case , it's the real Aurora Aurora: yes!!! Helloooooo brunamombach: hello ✨🃏🧚🏻‍♂️🤘🍇🍄🧚🏻‍♀️ when are you coming do Brazil? so glad to see you here!!! Aurora: I think I will be coming to Brazil next year  I love being in Brazil because I feel like it awakens my heart and soul to be there !! Brunamombach: if you were going to an souless island, what book would you bring with you? 🧚🏻‍♂️🍇🍄🧚🏻‍♀️🤘🃏 kisses from Brazil Aurora: I would either take: "The name of the wind" and "a Wise mans fear" or the LOTR trilogy. Or the "Mistborn" trilogy. or "warbreaker" or "the good omens" or "the ocean at the end of the lane" or "Anne of Green gables" or "The alchemist" or just all the books in the world oh no I cant decide

all DanParis: Hey have some karma you cool bean 🤌🏼 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿 Aurora: thank you < 3 Ok-Estimate8468: Tell us something you can tell us about the second track on the Cure For Me vinyl, “Potion For Love”. I'm very curious...

Aurora: its the song I decided for the B-side of the vinyl, and I will probably release it digitally one day too. Its the sister song to "exist for love" but from the other perspective. where love does not fill you up, but love has left a big hole within you < / 3 Ok-Estimate8468: Did you get a lot of unfollows and hate from bad people due to Cure For Me? Aurora: I got a little hate from homophobes, and also abelist, and racist comments from people claiming there was nothing wrong with their mindset. BUT it does not bother me. and I will never stop speaking up about the things I find important. because.. what else would our meaning on this earth be? if that makes sense. Some people have attacked me personally, but sadly mostly its people defending their own hateful ways of being. I cant even imagine how it really is to be a victim of racism or violent homophobia, so I feel like the least I can do is to try the best I can to show support. and speak up. and be an ally.

So a bit more short - yes, and I really dont mind!!!! unfollow me if you find speaking about equality and the right to live, and love and be loved unsettling <3 thank you for this question! Ok-Estimate8468: How was the process of creating the studio version of Cure For Me? I heard your first acoustic performance and saw that it's much smoother than the studio, so I was curious to see how you managed to create another even more amazing version. Aurora: Me and Magnus just played around, and we really tried to go with our emotions, and to be playful and to not think too much about what was "AURORA" or what was even...pretty! we just laughed! and danced! and did what felt lovely to us.

I think this is why the making of this song is one of my favourite memories, and also I think that is why it sounds so playful! because it is!! it was like playing a game. and I did also play alot around with symbolics in both the lyrics and the way this song is produced. it all has a meaning you see... but of course I will let you figure that out yourself!!

Pingouiin_: What's your favourite mountain around bergen ? Aurora: mine is Løvstakken!! and Magnus loves Ullrikken!! but important to NEVER stop a Norwegian person walking on the mountain. just say. a quick hello and wander off your own mind. become at one with nature Whoamiandallthat: Thank you for existing, I love your art and you inspire me so much 💙 You are one of my favorite artists 😊 And just the other day I found out that you are just two years older than me, and so successful... I'm wondering how it was for you to become so popular, did you feel like people thought you needed a cure? I'm also in the sphere of arts - filmmaking; but I feel like my films are not good enough... I have a YouTube channel with some videos - if you ever see this comment I would like for you to check it out 😊 Aurora: Ive felt through my life like something was a little off, ive never resonated that much with the people or the "system" around me! it didn't bother me so much even though I. was teased a lot for it ( so again I was very lucky) but I never felt like I understood the world and my place in it. or how I. could fit in, in this worlds society and with other people ! and becoming "famous" which I dont really feel that I am, but I guess that I am a little "known" (meep) was very strange, and very hard to handle at first. as impressions affect me a lot, and noises and people etc. but with time I got better at handling all these impressions, and avoid getting a.. sensory overload! and I am so happy now, that I can look directly at strangers and actually listen to them, and understand them, and even love them I guess what I am trying to say, that ive now understood that this is the very thing that connected me to all of you. and now I see my place here on this earth. and I see all of you, and you give my life so much meaning!! Lets_Fight_Dragons: Firstly I wanted to say I recently discovered your music and I love everything about it. I have two questions, I hope that’s ok 1. How do you start writing songs because I’m trying to get into songwriting and I’m not sure how you write such amazing songs 2. What’s your favourite song you’ve released? Aurora: 1. well I dont really know. ( I am sorry!!) but I feel like it started really natural for me.. I. kind of just sat down with my piano.. and then I started playing around with the Keyes, and I figured out I could make an endless amount of melodies by simply pressing the keys in a different order!! remember finding this extremely magical (I was around 6 years old then) and after a while I started adding lyrics, and I just spent time looking into myself, trying to figure out. - what do I want to say? what do. I need to hear in a song? what do the world need to hear in a song? and etc. I always think about songwriting as storytelling. and I always start out by figuring out what story I want to tell, what matter I want to dress, or what pleases me, or annoys me with the world, or what emotion I need help dealing with!! and then I write a song!!! and if you feel like its difficult to come up with melodies, I would recommend finding a song you like, and learn the chords of it (or find an instrumental version. online) and then you make your own melodies on top of that! many of the songs of the world share the same chords, and often the melodies on top is the thing separating them. music belongs to all of us, and its clear that every song in the world comes from the same magical source. 2. I think its the seed. or couples creatures!! or infections of a different kind!! tiffnoir: Our dear AURORA, your b-side A Potion For Love is helping me a lot (broken heart since a few days ago). I wanted to ask (if I can haha) if would it be included at the upcoming album, or maybe a relaxing, vintage video for it? Thanks for helping all of us with your music ^_^ Aurora: thank you som much for letting this song into your heart  after writing exist for love, I figured that I should also make a sister-song that could belong for the ones with a broken heart as well  it will not be on the album, but for you I will try to put it on the deluxe version FedahpWithThisWurld: Hello, Aurora! I'm a neurodivergent person and I have always felt a lot of shame over being the way I am, like I'm not good enough. Your music makes me feel better and it makes me feel that being me is okay. Thank you for that.  I want to know how you manage to be so confident? Do you ever get nervous before a show? Aurora: hello!!!! I have had a lot of similar experiences with myself in this world too.. so I am very sad to hear you've lived your life with this feeling I think after a while I understood what makes me different also makes me special. and special is good. and if you think about it, special isn't even that different, because in one way or another we are all... unique. but of course, some people have had to fight their. way through life more than others.. making it less easy to learn how to love yourself. and accept yourself. I guess, now I've surrounded myself with good people who understand my quirks and sensitivities, people who give me time. and space to be me. I have also been lucky, because I have a family that have always encouraged me to be myself. and to love myself. and I guess that is why I am trying to convey to all of you now, because now we are like al little family. where being who you are - is cool. and you're cool. and were all cool. and I get nervous all the time, of all sorts of things! but I just accept that feeling as a part of being human. its uncomfortable yes, but I know at least it won't kill me! 3charmplease: What was it like recording for Frozen? Aurora: it was magical  and also slightly scary. but it felt safe and good calling at the mountains. and I feel warm thinking about it. especially now. cause my father just walked over to me with five little strawberries in his hand. he gave them all to me. and they were so small, and sweet. im currently sitting in my childhood home, right next to the very piano where I wrote "runaway" and so many other songs. Tiny-Sink-2397: Boom shake shake shake the room Aurora: that was actually during the recording process of Cure For Me! Tiny-Sink-2397: I thought it was!! Seemed like an epic party Aurora: YES Joelynxyzs: what's your favorite movie ? Aurora: Practical magic BUT ALSO THESE: The LOTR triology ALL GHIBLI MOVIES avatar once upon a time in Hollywood Hannah the perfume fantastic MR. fox Star Wars: a new hope rouge one isle of dogs the hunchback of Notre dame! the arrival stypop: If you were to get the chance to work on a sequel to another Disney movie, which one would you want it to be? Aurora: since Disney owns Lucas films I would love to be a part of the Star Wars universe  or to play either a magical fairy, witch mermaid, forest nymph, or a scary beast!! WE WO brisot: The masks in CFM remind me of theater plays, do you ever watch any and how much of an influence for you is the art of acting? Aurora: this era of my life is very influenced by the ancient times where theatre was all they had. no CGI or special effects etc. and I really wanted all these videos to feel very authentic, and down to earth! The shell in "exist for love" was handmade by someone, and I painted all the masks in "cure for me" myself! so I like it when it feels... human Clear-Champion-1833: i love you Aurora:

<3

Jicuhrabbitkim: How do you like your fried eggs cook!! I like it when its very crispy!! Aurora: as long as its from a local farm that has free healthy chickens that walk about freely and eat good food I like my eggs crispy too. GhostReaper3: Hi I have a question as well: How do you keep positive? Many people including myself find this difficult sometimes so it would be good to hear your technique or way of keeping upbeat and positive! Also, thank you for sharing your music with us! Aurora: I know what you mean, i've struggled with it myself at times. but I guess I tried separating in my mind what I can do something about, and what I cant? if that makes sense?? we are all just here on this planet. and though we all seem to be going though the same things we still feel so alone, in our thoughts and in our minds. And I've been very aware that with music, and with this fandom we can all finally connect, and see each other, and know that we are not alone! and if there is one thing I love, it is to dance a little after I've cried. I think its important to. shake these emotions out of our body. like animals do! and then I made CURE FOR ME. because I thought about all the warriors out there feeling. a little crazy... after isolation! or after being depressed! and being l rocked in with their families that might not accept them for who they are.. and I thought I needed to make a song for us all, that felt a little uplifting. and uniting. just so we know where not alone, and just so we know that we are worthy.. of everything! and that we are worthy of celebrating ourselves!! ALWAYS! aniri003: Were the dancers freestyling in the last part of the video Aurora: YES! I told them to put their freak game on. And they were amazing. L_pls_use_revive: Hei Aurora! Apart from inspiring me with your music for emotional people, I also dicovered my love for Norway and the Norwegian language through you - now studying it in my second year at university. Tusen, tusen takk! I want to visit soon when traveling is safe - So which place should I not miss out on? Have a great life! Aurora: I think the whole of Norway is worth visiting! there are so many beautiful places. and beautiful people! I would ofc. recommend Bergen! (haha!) but also places like Tromsø, Trondheim, Stavanger, lofted and The Geirangerfjord and the Northwest!!! HAHA KakSetoKaiba: How's the progress of the album that you've been preparing which will be released after your death? Aurora: its going well, I take one song for every chapter and I put it on my death album instead of the album I'm making  its going well. and im excited about it! maria_fernandez_: This is not a question but I just wanted to tell you that discovering you and your music has been the best thing that ever happened to me. What your music makes me feel cannot be described in words. I love you so much. Greetings from Spain!! Aurora: thank you!!! applepieaurora: Whats your favorite pie? 🐉 Aurora: apple pie  and blueberry pie!! Ok-Potato7244: Thanks for sharing your time ... a warrior here to welcome you...Have some tea...And i don't need a cure for disliking keeping animals in cages...Especially birds...💚... Aurora: thank you pekaraseva: what do you feel when you perform Ioadk or Adkoh for people? Aurora: I feel so full of emotion and love and despair I could almost explode  and its wonderful. I also feel insanely connected to the audience when I sing these songs.. I. think. its because they are such important pieces of my soul targaryenblood02: omg what do you think cure for me would smell like? 🐛 Aurora: like something Brazilian! like Asai! or caipirinha! or Brigadeiro!

sproutingephemeral: Hello Aurora, Thanks for your new song, I've gotten quite addicted to it😊 I have a question that might be a bit difficult to answer. I am a Warrior from the U.S. currently without a clue of where I should be and what I should be doing. I'm done with school, and in the process of moving to a new town with my parents. I'm applying for jobs, but I feel like I can't find my reason for being in a smaller area with not many people my age. I feel like my parents are trying to mold me into a certain person, which doesn't feel authentic to me. I probably should be making more of my own decisions at my age, but I'm a bit scared and confused, if what I think is deemed too unrealistic or out of line with their expectations for me (like a childhood dream?). I tried talking to them about it, to little success. Is there something inherently wrong with me? Or am I just being spoiled or lazy? I read about how you were initially opposed to starting your career until your mother convinced you to change your mind. How do you know whether or not to trust in your parents' plans for you? On a lighter note, do you prefer cookies that are more soft (chewy) or hard (crumbly)? I don't need a cure for...my autism, and tendency to talk regularly to my deceased cat at his grave (??)😿👼 Looking forward to seeing you in New York! Take care❤❤ Aurora: you should ALWAYS. only do what feels right for you. this world is very absurd, and people tend to think they know what is meaningful and what is important. but we all know, money and success isn't important beyond what you need to simply survive. this one life is yours. and you should be just who you want. and do what feels right for you. because its yours. its only yours. drink tea. work hard. be lazy. dance. be shy. laugh, cry. drink wine and eat good bread. be good. fight for something you care about. and either live for your work, or work a little and then just... live. get a garden, grow tomatoes, get a cat. or a dog. or a parrot. life can be so random, and it can be both so little, and so large at the same time. some days were meant to TAKE chances, and live. and sometimes were just meant to exist. and do nothing. you should never feel guilty for not "being enough" because you are enough. just who you are. just how you are. is enough. good luck on your strange journey my warrior, maybe our paths crosses and maybe they dont. but know, when you walk out of your door, that anything can happen! and the whole world is yours. Hippolyte_gray: is the name of the next album hidden in your previous songs ? Aurora: mayyyyyybeeeeeeeee rashadalt: what do you think about your fans who are racist/homophobic etc.? Aurora: I feel sorry for them. because I know I cant be easy l living a life so full of hate. and even spending your precious. time on this world bringing other people down. and I know how easy it is for people to be driven by fear, and how difficult. it can be to have an original meaning and stand up for what you really mean. so I dont judge them, or hate them,

but I do feel sorry for them. and I am also very disappointed in them. because its such a. waste of human potential to live your life in the paths of hatred.

but as long as we face hate with love, we will eventually win. when we show them. we are not the enemy, just people trying to make a better world, I think, and I hope that eventually we can all agree that being able to live, and being able to love is a human right. Brivera726: I noticed you said you would bring LOTR trilogy with you to an island- I’m reading them for the fourth time right now  I feel like if Galadriel sing songs it would sound like you! Anyway I really like your art so yah just keep doing u- love from PFC Rivera, USMC Aurora: this is then est thing ive ever read thank you Aurora: I am. sorry people, but my time here (for tonight) is up </3 but I will probably be back looking at your questions and thoughts because I did really. enjoy this. and I. love you all so. much.

[link]

[angleicblossom]

Levi Ackerman One shot <3

im so so so sorry its this long i got totally carried away 

More soft Levi x sad oc because I feel the need to project my own feelings into a situation that will never really happen 😊.

Another day of training finished at around 7pm, I slowly made my way into the mess hall to have a meal before heading to bed, not like I was very hungry anyways.

These last few weeks, maybe months, I hadn't been feeling myself, not like I was a very outgoing person to begin with, but I at least tried to socialise with the others but now it feels like a chore so now I don’t even bother, I just wake up go through with my day, eat if I can and then sleep and recently it's been making me frustrated with myself causing me to snap more than I usually do during training and I think people are starting to notice.

As one of the first I was able to grab a plate with food on it quickly and slide into the end of one of the benches in the bottom corner. I picked around at the meat, vegetables and potatoes moving it around a little, not really having an appetite. A few people slid into bench alongside me and in front of me, it was Hange, Erwin, Eren and Captain Levi, they made small talk around me, I didn’t pay much attention to them and then I decided to get rid of my untouched food.

“Oi, where do you think you are going Kasey?” Levi voices called out and stopped me in my tracks and look back at him but avoiding his eye contact that he was sternly holding with me “I'm... uh not feeling the best” is all I could muster up as an excuse “well maybe if you ate a little you would feel better, you can't sleep on an empty stomach, right Hange” Commander Erwin commented and Hange nodded along spooning meat into her mouth, I sigh internally but put on a smile and nod whilst making my way back to the corner to wait them out but Levi grabs my wrist causing me to pull and resist a little on instinct but he ignores it “Eren move down so Kasey can sit next to me” Levi ordered and Eren tilts his head but moves anyways “can’t have a solider skipping meals” he says bluntly and nods his head towards the plate and so I sit down next to Levi, a little too close to the point of our thighs touching but he doesn’t seem fazed by it and continues eating his half eaten food along with the others, I can still wait them out.

I poke around it some more and eat small bites of the vegetables for another 10 minutes and by then it was only me and Levi left at the table, he lets out a loud sigh next to me and pushes his plate away from him and takes a sip of his tea “are you really not going to eat that” he turned his face to me and look at me then the plate with furrowed eyebrows and I just shrugged “ Captain, I don’t feel too-” “yeah yeah you don’t feel good, of course” he rolled his eyes and didn’t even let me finish making a bit of guilt fill me, he was only looking out for me “anyway your dismissed I hope to see you eat more” I nodded and never moved quicker to get out of the mess hall with Levi’s stare burning me in the back.

I made it to my room which I thankfully didn’t share with anyone, I unbuttoned the top two buttons of my shirt and undid all my straps and took them off to try feel a bit more relaxed, I took a long shower I think I was in there for about 25 minutes maybe more and I changed into a tank top and some shorts due to the summer heat that was creeping up on us. I brushed out my damp hair so there were no knots after doing this it was around 9pm and I was now laying on my bed staring at the ceiling when I suddenly heard a knock at my door making me snap my head towards the door and then it began to open.

“Who is it” I say, trying to see the person entre “Its Levi” He answers as he continues to push the door open with his foot because his hands were holding two cups of tea? I rush up to help him and open the door then close it behind him “is everything okay, Captain?” he just looks me up and down, nods and carefully sets one of the cups of tea on my nightstand next to my bed and then takes a seat on a spare chair at the end of my single bed. I felt a little awkward seeing him like this, he had a black long sleeved fitting top on, and some black sweatpants and he came here in his socks too, I looked around the room not keeping my focus on him “the tea is for you” he nods towards it and takes a sip of his own “I added some tea herbs that go well with the black tea that helps to calm you” He continued on and it was sort of...cute hearing him talk about something other than killing titans or anything titan related really, I smiled lightly and took the tea in my hand and took a sip, testing it out I had never had black tea never mind herbs.

I can feel Levi watching me intently as I remove the cup from my lips carefully “do you like it” I thought about it for a few moments, it was a little bitter with a tint of citrus to it as well “I like it, Ive never tasted something like this” I shift my eyes to him and take another drink before sitting it down and Levi keeps his in his lap, holding it in his unusual way. I was still confused on why he was here, and I wasn’t sure if he was going to tell me, I looked at him again and he was looking down into his teacup and swirling the tea around “I think I was a little harsh on you or maybe too blunt” he says out randomly and I'm shocked by him expressing this to me “oh no Captain please-” he cut me off again “just call me Levi there’s no need for the formalities, I've been watching you here and there during training and noticed how you aren’t doing as well as you used to do” so someone did notice, but Levi was the last person I would expect to notice a random cadet feeling blue about her life, I didn’t know how to answer him so I just looked down at my bare legs in front of me and he lets out a small sigh and piches his nose “Look.. I’m.... worried about you Kasey” after he said this, I feel the heat rise to my cheeks and try to hide it with my hair and grab the teacup and drink some more of the tea to distract myself, he coughs a little and shuffles around “I don’t want you to get injured or injure yourself if you aren’t looking after yourself here”.

He gets up and makes his way to sit next me on the bed and moves my hair from my face to behind my ear and I move my face away from his hand quickly after this and furrow my eyebrows “Kasey...” “sorry I'm just not used to being touched” he was quick to answer “don't apologise” I just nodded “are you.. Enjoying yourself being a cadet, Kasey?” this question makes me look up at him and he continues “is it that you don’t want to be here anymore? Are you regretting your decision picking the scouts?” he questioned, sounding a bit sad and I bite my lip, it's not that I don’t enjoy it I just don’t know how to, I fiddle with my fingers not knowing how to answer him “don't stay silent, I want to help you”  

I look at him with tears starting to swell up in my eyes, but I don’t let them fall out of my eyes “it’s...it’s not that, Levi I, I can’t feel anything good, I never feel happiness or relief or anything after I finish my training, I... I can't even talk to anyone because I don’t know how or what to say and it feels so exhausting even trying to interact with others, all I would do is let them down, there’s just nothing for me here... or anywhere, sometimes I wish to disappear, so I don’t have to live like this, I want to be able to feel all the good emotions but it's like... they just don’t exist inside me anymore and I don’t know how to get them back and I feel so alone here like no one understands this and I can't explain how I feel it's not like I should be this sad right? but I can tell you... I don’t regret joining the scouts” I put my face into hands and let tears out and I try to stifle my cries “H-how can I help you Kasey” he leans into me, I wipe my eyes and sit up straight and look into his eyes, why is he here.  

Without thinking I put my head into his lap and fling my legs up onto my pillow so I'm lying on my side staring at the door, I lay my hands on his knees and he tenses up a little “just... stay here with me, Levi?” I ask more than say and I feel him stretch over me to set him teacup next to mine and sit upright again and he starts to run his hands from the top of my scalp to the bottom of my almost dry hair “okay... I will” I sigh with a bit of comfort knowing I won't be alone, for tonight at least, “Levi... why did you come?” his hands pause for a moment then returns to their actions “Honestly, I'm not sure, I just had a feeling I had to come see you, but I must admit Kasey... I've always been a bit more than... interested in you and I didn’t want to leave a bad impression since we’ve only spoken a few times” I went wide eyed for a moment, more than interested? What did that mean? I didn’t give him an answer only feeling a bit of surprise hearing this from the Captain, I sit up and look at his lips then his eyes “what do you think of me, Kasey?” I didn’t know how to answer or what I wanted to say to him.

I lean in and close my eyes and Levi’s hand snakes up to cup my cheek and our lips touch and I furrow my eyebrows and lean in more, putting one of my hands on his lap and another on his chest. Levi begins to take the lead of the kiss a little more, tilting his head and with his other hand he pushed my hair away from my shoulder, I try lean in even more and Levi pulls away “you were almost pushing me over” he let out a small breathless laugh and rubbed his hair, I blush at how in the moment I got, and I mumble a sorry to him and catch my breath whilst looking at my lap, I look back up at Levi and he’s already looking at me, “what was that for?” I nibbled on my lip again and looked away to the side “I didn’t know what to say” Levi grinned a little “I’m glad we’re feeling the same way... sort of... don’t worry, I might not be able to bring your emotions back per say but... I can try show you that no one wants you to disappear and that you are never alone” he ducked down to look into my eyes that I was avoiding “okay?” He reached for my hand and lay his on top of mine and I blushed again “okay” I whispered back with a smile.

“it’s pretty late, aren't you tired?” I shrug and fumble with my fingers “a little, are you?” “a little” he replied back “that single bed looks a little cramped for the both of us, would you like to come back to my room?.... you don’t have to” “that would be nice” I answered without a second thought on that, sharing a double bed with Levi? Yes please.  

We both head out down the very quiet, cold and dimly lit corridors, turning right once and left once a few moments after the right turn before reaching Levi’s office, I've been in his office many times delivering notes and other things that Hange wanted to give him but always sent me, he opens the door and lets me walk in first then comes in after then closes and locks the door “this way” he says and takes me to another door that is where his bedroom must be. When I entre there is a big double bed with white silk sheets and a wooden headboard in the middle of the room “come on” he says quietly and opens the sheets for me to hop into the left side, I quickly snuggle into the sheets and bring them up to my nose, the smell of Levi surrounding me, he goes around and takes off his top, I couldn’t help but watch his back muscles move as he done the action I blush a little and look up at him once he turned around and gets into the bed with me and I suddenly feel a lot warmer than I already was “are you okay with this?” he whispered “yes” I whisper back and giggle a little at our hushed tone “good” he moves towards me and pulls me into him, and I let him, totally indulged in his warmth and scent, he rests his head on my head  with his arms wrapped around me  “get some sleep” “you too” I say and put my scrunched up hands on his chest and place a small kiss in the middle of his chest and drift to sleep

[daydreamingintheimpalax]

Unexpected

Prompt: “what happened to your clothes?”  “I think i’m falling in love with you.” “I think ive always known, deep down, i think i’ve always loved you.” 

Dean x Reader

Warnings: Swearing, somewhat detailed sex scene, iunno not much really. 

A/N: Sorry it’s so long, i had this idea and thought it’d be a fun read. Enjoy :)

Dean sat on your bed, mindlessly watching and waiting as you hid in your closet, dress after dress, skirt after skirt flying out, one almost hitting him in the face. He caught it mid air before tossing it down next to him. 

“I don’t know why you’re getting so worked up, its just a few drinks at the bar, Max already knows you, you dont need to impress him, he already likes you.” Dean spoke, watching as you popped out from your closet, three different shirts in your hands.

Dean was your best friend, you had met him and Sam as a child, your fathers had been hunting partners for a few years, always leaving you and the boys at bobby’s to cause trouble for the old man. You could still hear bobby’s voice sometimes, demanding Dean stop influencing you with his schemes. 

His buddy Max had run into him at the bar last week while you guys had stopped in during a hunt and they had caught up for hours, you had connected with Max off the bat, and when he’d asked you out, you were skeptical, see deep down you always knew Dean was your guy, your never ending crush on him had turned into deeper feelings years ago, you tried to deny it for years, and definitely never told him, but when Dean had convinced you to give it a shot, go out on ONE date with a guy he knew and liked, you gave in, never being able to say no to him, i mean, to be fair you hadn’t been with a man in over 2 years and you could use a night out, maybe even some quality time in bed with a good looking guy, plus, Dean trusted him, and that was enough.

“Dean, i haven’t been out with a guy in 2 years, i’m not going out with a guy looking like a swamp monster, first dates are everything, and looking your best can make or break the date.” You huffed, holding out a shirt to him for an opinion, he shook his head, grimacing. 

“First, you never look like a swamp monster, you’re stunning no matter what, you hardly have to work at that, secondly, that’s an old ratty tshirt you stole from me, really?” He pointed at it, now realizing he was right, why the hell you were even suggesting this. It was time to pull out the big guns. You sighed, hiding back into your closet, you had to have something date worthy. 

Dean had popped away, grabbing himself a beer, giving himself a break from outfit advice. You were his best friend and he wanted nothing more than to see you happy, even if it meant trusting Max to take you out on a date. It was one date, it’s not like he was stealing you away forever. He had always had a soft spot for you, you were his first kiss as a kid and he’d looked out for you ever since, and even though he trusted Max, seeing you get all worked up over a guy that wasn’t him still didn’t settle well with him, but he shoved his feelings down and tried to be as supportive as he could. 

He walked back into your room, realizing you were finally working on your makeup, you were slightly bent over your bathroom sink, reaching closer to the mirror as you did your eyeliner, truth be told, he loved when you did that black wing thing, it enhanced your big E/C eyes and drove him nuts everytime. He looked you over, realizing what you finally had chosen to put on, a shorter than he’d like black leather mini skirt, a matching leather shirt thing that looked similar to a bra more than anything. He cleared his throat. 

“What happened to your clothes?” He asked, raising an eyebrow at you.

You finish your eyeliner before walking past him, fetching lipstick out of your little makeup bag before making your way back to your bathroom, “What do you mean? Theyre fine.” You spoke, applying your lipstick as he piped up.

“I mean like, where’s the rest of it?” he sassed and you rolled your eyes as you walked back into the room. “It’s not that bad is it? It’s literally all i can find that isn’t covered in holes, old blood or stained monster guts.” You looked down at yourself, smoothing out your skirt. Dean cleared his throat as he eyed you properly, trying hard to calm his way out of a boner. 

“Uh, no, no i’m just teasing, you look incredible.” He smiled, nodding, you shoot him a innocent smile, “Better, Winchester. Much better, right answer.” You shoot him a small wink and he chuckles. He had come a long way on talking to women because of her, she helped him realize as a teenager and a young man that he didn’t need to be vulgar or gross to pick up women and he’d learned a long time ago thanks to her that chivarly was key.

He watched as she put on her coat, Max waiting by the door to take her out, she gave him a little wave as she told him not to wait up, she’d be fine. 

“Be safe, have fun.” He smiled as she walked out the door, his internal groan coming out of his mouth and he kicked himself for being too scared to ever make a move himself. He’d liked her since they were teenagers, but he was too stubborn to do anything, his fathers voice telling him hunter relationships never worked. 

       ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The night had been a blast so far, you and Max were having a great time chatting, dancing and enjoying each others company at the bar, he was sweet, nice and had a good view on life and hunting. He told you entertaning stories, some even involved moments he and Dean shared as young teenagers hunting together, being boys and trying to get girls, Max pranking Dean. They had a good friendship and you were happy Dean had someone besides you and Sam he could pal around with. 

You had moved to his truck a while ago, the mix of alcohol and pure need affecting you both as you made out like teenagers, the windows began steaming up, it was an unusually warm evening in lebanon and you were thankful you wore this outfit or would have soaked right through it from the heat. 

His hand moved freely on your thigh and you straddled him, his back against the backseat of his pick up with you on his lap, dry humping him like some silly teenage girl who hadn’t had sex yet, you made the first move, desperate to feel a mans touch, it had been so long. 

You yank your top off, nothing but some nipple covers to cover your exposed breasts, Max lets out a soft moan, “Beautiful,” he mumbles while he kisses softly around your skin, he slowly peels off the covers off you and his mouth lands on your nipple and you let out a louder Moan than you want to but it doesn’t seem to bother him. 

Before you know it, your both down to nothing but your underwear, you reach down and pull down his boxers, reaching a hand in and grabbing him and placing him at your entrance, you’re already so turned on you don’t need foreplay tonight, not when you’re this sexually frustrated. 

You sink down on him slowly, and you both moan out, yours comes out as more of a shout, and you begin to move, slowly at first before changing into a soft but faster bounce, he’s making sounds, you know that for fact but you’re so distracted by the feeling of pure pleasure you haven’t felt in so long you aren’t even fully aware of what’s happening, you let out a shout, and before you know what’s happening, it all suddenly just stops.

You come back to reality and notice Max has pushed you off, he’s pulling his pants back on and avoiding your eye. Oh for fuck sakes, you haven’t even came close to your release and Dean set you up with a 2 minute one pump chump. You were going to kick his ass. 

“What’s wrong? are you done already?” you ask, his looks at you, letting out an exasperated huff before licking his lips and shaking his head. “I’m sorry Y/n, i don’t think this is going to work out, besides, you shouldn’t really sleep with a guy if you’re not going to rememember his name.” He scolds, glaring at you before he shoves his shirt on and climbs out the back, you put your skirt and shirt back on, deciding to skip the panties all together.

“Hey! I do remember your name, it’s Max, i’m not stupid!” You yell at him, angry now that he would even suggest that. Max turns to you, glaring, “Oh yeah, then next time maybe you should try screaming my name out and not Dean’s, jesus christ y/n, if you want him that bad just go fuck him, i doubt he’ll say no!” He shouts and you stand frozen. 

“What? Dean?, i didn’t...I don’t-” you stutter, he cuts you off. “It’s kind of obvious y/n, you screamed his name for a reason, you obviously have lingering feelings for him, and im not going to be your pitty fuck.” He sighs, he ushers you into the passenger seat, offering to drive you home in what is the most uncomfortabe, quiet, embrassing drive home ever. 

You slam the bunker door closed, worst date ever. You make your way past Dean and Sam in the library as you try your hardest to avoid them, especially Dean, you were embarassed enough, you didn’t need to face him right now, and you sure as hell hoped Max kept his mouth shut about it too.

“Y/N? That you? “ You hear Dean call out but you avoid answering, flying past them to your room before slamming the door shut. 

Dean’s eyebrows furrow.

“I guess the date didn’t go well then.” Sam speaks out, looking over at Dean. He shrugs, before getting up and walking towards your room

He knocks on the door softly, “Y/n, you okay? did Max do something cause if he did i’ll beat the living crap outta him.” He calls out, he can hear your sniffle, he sighs, before softly opening your door. You’re cuddled up in bed, watching your favorite episode of golden girls as you cry softly. He sighs and heads over, sitting on your bed. 

“Bad date?” He asks and you shrug, “Something like that.” He gives you a soft smile. “Want to talk about it?” He asks and you shake your head. “No, i just wanna forget it.” You speak, he notices you never meet his eye. He nods and agrees to leave it alone, he joins you quietly, watching tv with you but giving you your space. When you finally fall asleep, he goes to bed himself, but not before shooting Max a text. 

“Whatever the fuck you did man, she’s upset, and if i find out you hurt her, i’ll kill you.” 

                                                      ---------

It’s two weeks later when things finally come out, you haven’t spoken to Max since that night of your date. The bar is busier than usual, a few more college kids then there usually is but it is spring break, most of them are probably home for the much needed time away from school work. 

Dean is at the pool tables, hussling some airhead jock out of pool money. You watch and laugh when he heads over to you, cash in hand. 

“Ha ha, stupid brainless jocks. Always so much fun seeing how much of daddy’s money i can get out of them.” He chuckles, setting the money back in his pocket. You roll your eyes but smile. Why did you put up with this dork. 

Before you know it, someone is calling out for Dean. “Yo, Dean!” You both turn to spot Max, waving Dean over for a game. You swallow, nervous that the details of your date will come out, you still weren’t fully over it, and you dreaded Dean ever finding out, he’d never let you live it down and he really didn’t need a bigger ego. Luckily Max hadn’t noticed you yet. 

Dean motions he’ll play one round and be right back and you try to give him a smile, dreading this inside. Just don’t ask him about the date, you interally tell him, even though he’s long gone and can’t hear it. 

You sip your drink, asking for another one and you try to keep your cool at those two being in the same room all of a sudden. 

                                                      -----------

One game had turned into 4 and before you knew it, the two guys had captured a crowd, some betting on Max and some on Dean. It was becoming a friendly competition between the two boys. 

“Aw come on Max, don’t be a sore loser, i’m sure you can come back from that.” Dean teases, watching as Max lines up his next shot. 

“Easy for you to say Winchester, tell me, do you ever get sick of being a pompous prick?” Max winks at him and Dean smiles, “Eh, Sometimes, but then i remember how fun it is to watch you lose and its all worth it.” Dean chuckles, Max suddenly isn’t in a joking mood and he shoots, it goes in, he gets a few more and Dean’s actually surprised. 

“Not bad, man. You’re getting better.” Dean smirks, “Still no match for me though, i always win.” Dean leans in, takes a shot and gets his last three balls in, He lines up with the 8 ball, looks up at Max, and smirks, then his eyes find you, sitting behind Max a few tables down and he shoots you a wink, before sinking in his ball. Game over. 

Max turns around, realizing who Dean winked at, he turns back around, slamming his pool stick down. “Good game, I’m done, guess you won Dean, you got the money, and the one girl i’ve liked in a really long time, guess you always do win, huh?” He spits out, a bitter tinge to his voice. He scoffs and walks away.

Dean’s suddenly confused, what the hell was he talking about. He looks over at you, you’re watching the television over the bar, no clue what had just happened, he follows Max outside catching him before he reaches his truck.

“Hey! I didn’t get anything, if this is about y/n, you screwed that up on your own, okay? I had nothing to do with that!” Dean shouts. Max laughs and turns to face him. “Oh bullshit Dee, you have everything to do with it!” He sneers, “I really liked her man, she was cool, but like always, Dean Winchester always gets the girl!” He scoffs, making Dean frown, confused. 

“Y/n isn’t mine! she’s my friend, whatever you did to piss her off on your date was your problem, she didn’t tell me what you did but if you wanted her that bad, you had the chance to fix it!”

“REALLY DEE? Tell me, how the fuck would you fix the girl you like screaming your best friends name in bed when shes with you? Huh? How the fuck do i fix her thinkng about you while she’s fucking me?” He swallows, “Man, forget it, you wouldn’t understand, god forbid that ever happened to you.” He spits, before he’s in his truck, driving away. Dean’s still standing there, more confused than ever.

He finally makes it back inside, his eyes roaming around for you. He finds you in the same spot, the female bar tender chatting with you and making you laugh. Your eyes find him, beckoning him over and he moves.

He finally reaches you and you smile, “I got you another beer. How did the game go? You disappeared.” You ask, and he stares at you, he finally pipes up, and your heart sinks. Oh no. Please no.

“Max seemed very upset when he saw you, what happened on your date again? Why didn’t you ever go out with him again?” He asks, you take a sip of your beer and shrug. “I dunno, he wasn’t my type, just didn’t work out.” You bite your lip, hoping to god he lets this go, you don’t need to relive that embarassing moment. 

He nods, taking a drink of his own beer, “Okay, so he just wasn’t your type, that’s all? It had nothing to do with you screaming my name in the middle of sex?” He calmly points out and you nearly choke on your beer, spitting beer across the bar table, everyone close by stares at you, you turn red, apologizing and grabbing napkins to clean up your mess. 

You turn and face Dean, “He fucking told you!” Dean raises an eyebrow, “In a not so nice way, so it’s true? You really did?” He smirks and you bury your face in your hands, “Oh god...” You call out and when you look back up Dean’s cheesy grin is staring back at you, “Actually, apparently it’s Oh Dean.”

You throw a nice solid punch into his shoulder before you run out of the bar, “Y/n...y/n wait!” Dean calls out but you’re already half way across the bar and out the door. He throws down some cash and chases after you, catching you half way down the road.

“Y/n...” He calls out, “Just leave me alone Dean, i knew you would use this against me, i knew it. You’re a jerk.” You wipe away a tear, he finally reaches you and grabs your arm, turning you to face him. 

“Hey, i didn’t mean to upset you, i’m sorry, i just, i was surprised, that’s all.” He sighs, “Why didn’t you just tell me? I thought Max was the one who hurt you or something.” He speaks softly and you sniffle. 

“it’s embarassing, i didn’t even know i did it, i was so into it and then he just stopped, for a second i thought he’d already, you know, i was disappointed then we got into an argument about it and he took me home.” You shrugged. 

Dean nodded, he was quiet for a while, and then he spoke, revealing something that made even you question if you were drunk.

“I uh, i guess i wasn’t expecting to hear that, and i guess i got a little excited cause iunno i just, i think i’m falling in love with you, and when Max told me i just uh, i guess i was hopeful that maybe it meant you felt the same.” He swallows before going quiet, watching your reaction carefully. 

You nodded, frowning as you realised you weren’t dreaming, Dean loved you, Dean Winchester loved you.

“I think i’ve always known, Deep down, i think i’ve always loved you.” You shrug, “Every since we shared our first kiss, i think part of me has loved you ever since.” You smile, finally meeting Dean’s eyes, the grin on his face tells you all you need to know, this man is crazy about you, always has been.

“oh yeah?” He smiles, reaching out to grab you, you chuckle, leaning up and placing a slow, deep kiss on his lips.

“Yeah, what can i say, you’re just my type.” You smirk and Dean laughs. 

“Well then, why don’t we get back home and i’ll give you a real reason to scream my name.” He smirks, leaning down quite a bit to place wet warm kisses along your exposed neck. 

“You’re never going to let me live that down are you?” You roll your eyes, he meets them and a sexy grin appears on his face. 

“Not a chance.” 

[brelione]

Three Rules (JJ Maybank X Reader)

Warnings:Smut,Angst,JJ low key getting his heart broken,ends in fluff because sad JJ makes me sad.Not really edited because im lazy :)

JJ sat on a rock far away from the large group of people as they danced to loud,shitty music.He had been hoping that you would show up.It had been a month since he had seen you last.It had been a month since he had ruined everything you two had.Or, in better words,what he thought you had.He knew how much you loved boneyard parties because you loved people watching.You had always sat on this rock to sort everyone into groups in your head.He hadnt noticed that until you had gone to at least eight parties.You’d always disappear but he figured you were talking to someone in the ocean of people or had just gone back to the house.He had come over to you with his red solo cup in his hand to ask what you were doing.That’s when he learned about your hobby.You had pointed people out to him and asked him who in the crowd he would want to switch lives with for the day.He had just pointed to a random guy to satisfy you.That had been the night that your little ‘relationship’ had started.That had been almost a year ago.He watched as you walked down the sandy hill.Your hair was half up half down,you were wearing tight white jeans and a mustard yellow crop top.You looked so effortlessly beautiful in a way he could never understand.

Kie had quickly separated herself from the crowd as she ran towards you to hug you tight.You hugged back,laughing as you exclaimed that she was crushing you.Pope didnt take long to join in,next in line to hug you.JJ bit down on his bottom lip,wishing he could hug you.You wouldnt be happy to see him and he knew that but its not like you could scream at him in front of the others. “God,(Y/N)!Where have you been for like the last month?Ive tried calling you but you didnt answer.”Kiara frowned.You shrugged. “Ive been really busy and then my phone decided to crash and I dont have the money to fix it.”you answered.Pope frowned,JJ walking up behind him.You sent him a quick glare,covering it up with a grin as you continued to speak to Kiara. “Hey,(Y/N).Can I talk to you real quick?”JJ asked,holding his breath unknowingly.Your eyes darkened and he didnt miss the way your fists clenched. “Sure.I’ll be right back.”You told Kie,walking past Pope and giving him a quick fist bump.You didnt get hostile until you were away from your other friends.You and JJ walked out of sight closer to the large mount of rocks and washed up lobster traps. “What do you want,JJ?”You asked,glaring up at the blond.He gulped,looking down at his feet.

 “How do I fix this?”He asked.You rolled your eyes,laughing quietly to yourself. “You cant,JJ.You messed up our deal and then you fucked up my feelings and lied to me and you cant change any of it.”You sighed,looking up at him.He shook his head,biting his tongue. “I never lied to you!I’ve lied so much but I have never ever lied to you.”He almost shouted.You shook your head. “You’re lying right now.I dont get you,JJ.You broke every single rule and now you’re mad at me for it.Its been a month,why cant you just move on?”You asked.He shook his head. “You know why.”He answered.You went to walk away but he grabbed your hand,making you turn around.It brought you back to a month ago when he had broken the final rule.There had only been three.Why was it so difficult for him to not do three things?Ten months back you two started a whole friends with benefits kind of thing.JJ had mentioned how he had been looking for a nightly fuck and it kind of just happened.You two had both agreed it would be a lot safer to not hook up with random people and let them find out where John.B lived so you ended up just become eachothers nightly hookup.

You had made a set of rules.Just the three.Rule One:No Marks That Anyone Else Could See.He had broken that rule only two months in when he left six dark hickies along your neck and even more across your chest.You had woken up the next morning and looked in the mirror to see the dark purple marks that covered your body. “What the fuck,J?No noticable marks,remember?”You huffed.He turned to look at you,a grin on his face. “Well that sucks for you,princess.”He smiled up at you.You rolled your eyes,straddling him.He looked up at you with a sleepy yet confused expression.You smirked before leaning down and sucking hickeys up and down his chest.He didnt fight it,instead telling you that you missed a spot.You found it funny that the others hadnt managed to connect the dots.

The Second Rule was Not To Go To Eachothers Houses.This shouldve been common sense because of how loud JJ was and how small your house was.His house was too chaotic and dangerous as well.He had broken that rule five months in when he had climbed in your window in the middle of the night and shook you awake gently.You had been startled,obviously and ended up grabbing him by the neck and rolling on top of him. “Geez,(Y/N),didnt take you for the kinky type.”He grinned.You face palmed,laying back down on your bed. “What the fuck,JJ?Its like three in the morning.”You whisper shouted.He smirked,leaning down over you. “Yeah,but im horny and you werent around.”He spoke,his knees on either side of your hips.You sat up under him. “You’re not supposed to come to my house,JJ.”You reminded him.He frowned. “I know but im horny and I need help.”He reached for your hand and placed it over where he wanted it most.You sighed,leaning forward so your forehead was against his. “JJ,my parents are literally across the hall.”You told him.He nodded,leaning down to kiss you. “So just be quiet.”He instructed you.You bit your lip,nodding.He started off gentle,leaving feather like kisses on your lips and neck.He often got rough with you,not afraid of pinning your hands over your head or trying different positions.But this time he was surprisingly gentle.

He unbuttoned the oversized shirt you wore to bed,kissing your collarbones and sucking on your nipples.You let a moan slip out,causing him to hold his hand over your mouth.He licked a stripe up your neck,leaning down to whisper in your ear. “Bite my hand if you want me to stop,understand?”He asked.You nodded.He left hickeys along your stomach before tugging down your boy short underwear.He grinned at the small wet spot in them before tossing them onto the floor.He licked a stripe between your folds after kissing your inner thighs gently.You let out a small moan that was muffled by his hand.He put a finger in you,pumping slowly and only being fueled by the noises coming out of you.He put in another finger,pumping the two fingers into you at a hellish pace.Your eyebrows furrowed,eyes clenching shut as the bubble in your stomach grew before releasing itself all over him.He grinned,slurping it all up. “You want more,princess?”He asked.You nodded weakly,making him grin.He pulled down his shorts to reveal that he wasnt even wearing underwear.

He slowly slid into you,jaw dropping as he did so.You quickly reached your hand up to cover his mouth.He lowered his head and buried his face in the crook of your neck as he began to pound into you.He went hard and fast,making you reach your high again.He bit your neck lightly and let out a small moan that was muffled by your skin.Your hands went to his back and under the shirt that he was still wearing,your fingernails digging into his skin.He eventually collapsed on top of you,a panting and sweating mess.He pulled out of you,grabbing a tissue and cleaning you off.You pulled him close to you,pulling him down on the bed to hug him for a few moments.You always loved hugs for a reason he couldnt really understand.

The Third Rule was to not catch feelings.He had broken that the first day that the ‘relationship’ began but he hadnt admitted to it until a month ago.You two had just finished,laying next to eachother on the guest bed.He had pulled on his boxers,watching as you got dressed and pulled your hair up into a ponytail.You caught him staring,turning to look at him and raising your eyebrows in confusion. “What?”You asked.He shrugged,pulling the sheet over himself while still staring at you.You fixed your chain,still staring at him.You sighed,walking over to him and sitting down on the bed. “Somethings up with you.”You observed.He shook his head,avoiding your gaze.You rolled your eyes,sitting on top of him so he was forced to look at you. “What’s up,J?”You asked.He sighed,looking up at you with a certain look in his eye.It wasnt lust or anger...it was something that you had never seen before. “How do you even know something is up?”He asked.You shrugged.

 “You’ve been fucking me different lately.”You answered,combing his hair with your fingers.He furrowed his eyebrows. “Is that bad?”He asked.You shook your head,grinning. “No,just different.Now stop changing the subject.”You insisted,hoping he’d finally tell you what was on his mind.He let out a small breath as if he was nervous. “Could you maybe...not stare at me.”He mumbled.You frowned,getting off of him and sitting across from him on the mattress. “What is it?”You asked.His heart was beating quickly,blinking hard.His mouth opened as he struggled to form words. “I just...I dont know if i should be doing this anymore.”He answered,not looking at you.You pouted. “Doing what?”You asked.He sighed,looking up at you. “Us,I mean.I’ve broken all the rules and i just dont think I can handle it anymore.”He answered,waiting for you to answer.You stared down at your lap,trying to make sense of what he had just said to you.You shook your head,realizing what he was saying. “JJ-you havent broken all the rules.Not all of them,right?”You asked,hands shaking.He bit his lip,glancing at you before looking away.

 “How am I not supposed to have feelings for you when you fuck me like this?How can you expect me not to fall for you when you moan so loud and talk dirty to me and-god,I didnt mean too.”he sighed,holding his head in his hands.You shook your head,not believing it. “Bullshit,JJ.What’s actually going on?”You asked,hoping this was a sick joke.JJ knew how scared you were of love and how repulsed you were by the idea of someone loving you in such a way.He knew that yet he still decided to fuck with your feelings and joke like this.He looked directly at you. “Im in love with you, (Y/N).”He admitted.This wasnt going how he had always hoped it would.Kiara had made the group watch plenty of cheesy romance movies where the guy confessed his undying love for the quirky girl and she loved him too and they’d kiss and live happily ever after.He knew that wasnt going to happen but he had still hoped that maybe just maybe you’d smile and tell him you liked him as well or at least let im down gently.But no,you were staring at him completely horrified.

 “What the fuck,JJ?”You asked,angry.He just stared at you,nails digging into his palms. “I-I dont know what you want me to do about it.”He whispered,dumb founded.You bit your lip,looking at him as your eyebrows casted shadows over your irises. “Just stop.”You answered before standing up and walking out the door.He didnt try to stop you,instead just staring at the door after you left.He had tried texting and calling when you hadnt come around to the Chateau in a week.Kiara had tried but you didnt answer her either.John.B and the others had even drove to your house in the van but your mother had answered the door and told them that you were out.He had missed you so much.He had even tried going to your house in the middle of the night and knocking on your window.You hadnt opened the window or even woken up.He had seen you at the beach once on an early morning.He had immediately run up to you. “God,I thought you were dead.Where have you been?”He asked.You rolled your eyes. “Im so sorry if I dont wanna be around your lying manipulative ass.”You grumbled,attempting to walk away when he grabbed your hand.

JJ looked down at you,hand still holding yours. “Please,just give me a chance.Just let me love you.”He whispered.You pulled your hand from his grip,swallowing. “You dont love me.I dont know what youre feeling but I want nothing to do with it.”You spoke bitterly.He shook his head. “At least just be my friend again.Please,I need you in my life.Dont even do it for me,do it for the others.We’re all falling apart without you around.Kie is just depressed all the time and Pope has been trying to tell me about science shit and we need you back.Please,please,ill leave you alone if thats what you want but I just need you around again.”He begged.You nodded slowly. “Okay.But if you ever bring this whole thing up it’s all over,alright?”You asked.He nodded,eyes becoming glassy.It hurt to see but you werent sure what to do.You felt bad,of course,but there was nothing you could do about this.

You got a weird little shaking feeling in your stomach when he was near you but you didnt know what that meant.It couldnt mean that you liked him because he just wasnt the type of person that you should like. “Dont start crying right now.Dont you dare do it-I will drown you.”You threatened him.He sniffled,glancing away from you.You grinned. “You just started a war.”You grinned,dragging him to the water.He tried to fight you,a few tears slipping out.You splashed him,making him laugh before rubbing at his eyes.He splashed you back with only half of his effort,making you roll your eyes.You cupped your hands,throwing water at him.He scoffed,tackling you into the cold water.You laughed,flipping him over and splashing water into his hair.He sat up under you,laughing.His laughter stopped as he noticed the position he was currently in. “What?”You asked.He glanced down and then back up at you.

You rolled your eyes. “You’re such a pussy.”You sighed,climbing off of him and sitting in the water.He sighed,looking up at you. “We should go back so you can catch up with Kie and Pope.”He suggested,hoping you’d stay for a little longer anyways.You shook your head. “I think we should catch up.”You told him.He nodded,sitting up straight next to you as the waves smacked onto your thighs.You were both silent,the only noise being the constant smacking of the waves and distant music. “So….what do you want to talk about?”He asked.You sighed,leaning back on your elbows. “Id ask how youve been but uh….I think I already know.So….hows your dad been?”You asked,holding your breath.He shrugged. “You know,he’s just him.I’ve been staying at John.B’s.How...how has your mom been?”He asked.You sighed,brushing your hair away from your face. 

“Well,her and dad still argue and shit.They broke the window last week so that sucks but its fine.What have you been doing?”You asked.He wanted to be honest with you but he was embarrassed.He had smoked three times the amount of weed he usually did,went days without showering and had pulled a good 12 all nighters in one month.But he couldnt lie to you.Not when he had hurt you once. “Well,you know,the usual.Lots of weed,lots of beer,lost of surfing.”He answered.You nodded,laying down in the sand and closing your eyes. “That sounds nice.I’ve just been painting and swimming and thats pretty much it.Ive missed you guys,not gonna lie.”You admitted.He frowned,wanting nothing more than to wrap his arm around your waist and rest his head on your shoulder. “Then why wouldnt you come around?You werent that mad,were you?”He asked.You sighed,opening your eyes to look at him. 

“I dont think im as mad as I am scared.”You answered.He bit his lip,nodding. “I just...I dont get why you’re scared.I just dont get what about love is so scary.”He hoped you wouldnt get up and walk away.You stared up at the dark sky,letting out a loud,dramatic breath. “I just dont like the idea of it,okay?You know I hate it and that I want nothing to do with it.You know that.”You answered,your voice dripping venom.It sounded just like it had that time you scolded him for stealing from an independent business.You had been so pissed off.He nodded. “No,no,I know.I just want to know why you hate it so much.”He tried to form his questions into words.You grumbled something under your breath,sitting up. “Because if I fall in love I dont want to be the only one falling!The universe does this thing where it makes you fall for someone thats way too perfect and then of course they dont fall for you and you’re just stuck!”You exclaimed.JJ chuckled,looking away from you.

You had just explained his exact situation without meaning too. “Tell me about it.”He sighed.Your eyebrows furrowed,jaw dropping a bit when you realized what you had just said. “JJ-shit.Fuck,dude.”You whispered.He grinned sadly at you,his eyes having that same expression they had had that day he had first confessed to you. “Yeah,I get why you dont want this.It really sucks.”He laughed half heartedly.You sighed,looking up at him. “What does it feel like?”You asked him.He gulped,trying to ignore how close you were.Your body was practically pressed up against him.He was tempted to reach out and twirl your chain between his fingers. “Um...well its like just kind of wanting.Just like wanting things like when you see someone you just want to hug them and appreciate them and you just want them to be happy even if they arent with you.And-and you get this feeling in your stomach like when you drink so much and get all giggly.”He answered.He felt you inch closer,one of your arms wrapping around his torso as you rested your head under his chin.

He didnt really understand what you were doing but he wanted you to be comfortable around him.He tried his best not to act strange,wrapping an arm around your waist in a half hug. “JJ.”You mumbled. “Yeah?”He asked. “I think...I dont know.I think I might be in love with you.”You sighed,waiting for him to say something.His mind went completely blank,trying to think of what to say to you. “Umm...okay.Okay.So...so...what do we do now?”He asked.You shrugged,kissing his cheek lightly. “I have no idea.”You answered.He kissed your forehead,looking down at you.He leaned down slowly,giving you the time to pull away.You didnt,kissing him gently.It was different from the kisses you had shared before.This one was innocent and gentle,ending with a hug. “We should go back to the others now.”You spoke quietly.He nodded,helping you up and holding your hand for as long as he could.

[startreckobsessed]

You want request? How about Bones, or his girlfriend, or maybe both of them, being suspicious about the fidelity of the other. Like really suspicious, make em look like they are really cheating (but they are not). Then they fight, like really fight, borderline breakup. But at the end, they make up. You can make it smut at the end, where partner A (the one who we thought was cheating) says to partner B that everything he/she has is hers/his. EVERYTHING. 😉😉😉😉 I’ll be waiting, love.

The road to the relationship had been rocky from the beginning, you both bickered constantly, but he had this deep seated fear down to his bones that he wouldn't be good enough for you. It was bad enough that there was a good chunk of an age gap, but you had to be witty, charming and you held a kind of beauty that attracted every kind of attention.

Now, Jocelyn never exactly cheated on him, but she did little things that would chip away at his self image; the way her eyes would linger on other men and act dissatisfied with him when they went home at the end of the night, not to mention how her lawyers raked him through the coals claiming he was an absent partner when in reality he had made long drives and days at a time without sleep to spend time with her during medical school and his residency.

Sometimes his past experiences colored the way he saw your actions, his imagination going crazy with how bad the situation looked, even of you acting suspicious didn't help any.

You had grown... Distant, lately. You would get up earlier and return extremely late. You were also careful with your words, thinking more before you spoke. Your mind was always elsewhere when you were together.

The implications he came to made his stomach turn. You were more than just his girlfriend, you were his best friend, his confidant. He would feel so lost without your support.

A little like he was feeling right now.

It wasn't until his weekly drink with Jim that his fears were confirmed.

Jim had been late, which wasn't abnormal but he was really late. Leonard was tired, eyelids heavy and his body ached, he decided to go back to your shared quarters to get some shut eye.

As he was making his way down the long winding hall he heard a bump coming from one of the many medical supply closets. He rolled his eyes, pausing for a second debating if he even wanted to go bust a couple of ensigns about to get it on. With a huff he turned, twisting open the knob and-

His breath caught, heart stuttering painfully.

It was you. Sitting up on the counter, ensign Hennricks standing between your legs. One of his hands was resting on your knee, the other was pushing the hair away from your face.

A strangled noise escaped his lips, he turned on his heel and sped down the hall. "Len!" You call, hopping off the table and chased after him, just catching a glimpse of him disappearing around the corner.

You shot forward, skidding around and finally catching up, grasping his bicep and spinning him around, but he wouldn't look at you. His eyes looked toward the ground, nostrils flared and mouth turned in a deep frown. He ripped his arm away from your hold. "Leonard,-that wasnt-" "don't." He growled. "Don't try to lie to me." His accent thickened with emotion. "How could you?" You shook your head "I'm not lying Len. If you would just-" "no." He hisses "I'm done with you. You knew how hard it was for me to- to trust again. You knew it and you still-" he pinched his eyes closed, a tear dripping down his cheek. You felt a pang of guilt go through you. And you felt like you couldn't breath. He turned away from you, and in a moment of clarity you reached for his head and turned it toward you.

"Leonard! Look at me!" You demand. His red eyes met yours for a brief second but it was enough for him to finally see the gash that traveled over your eyebrow and just shy of your eye. "What happened?" He asked in a gravely tone before he could think better to. Your other hand came up to cradle his face as his teary blood shot eyes roamed your face, now seeing a fresh bruise on your jaw. "Hennricks was patching me up, using a tissue regenerator so you wouldn't worry. I-ive been in training to become SSO." His eyebrows shot up incrediously "Why didn't you just tell me?"

You bit your lip. "I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it. And.." "and what?" "I uh, I didn't want you to be disappointed if I couldn't do it. I know it bothers you that were not exactly on equal ground, that if our stations were level mabey you would feel more secure and.. people would stop assuming I'm sleeping my way to the top." He huffed slightly, one brow arching "who's been assuming?" You shake your head at his protectiveness, swallowing thickly. "It doesn't matter." You say.

He sighed " did you get the promotion?" You shrug "won't know till tommorow." He nods, avoiding your eyes again. "I'm sorry." You say. "For... Making you think I would ever want

Anyone but you Len. Your it for me, your everything for me." He blinked away a new onslaught of tears. You smile sadly, leaning in and pressing a kiss to his lips.

He sighs into the kiss, the stress melting from his body as he winds his arms around you, pressing lips more firmly to yours as your hands ball up in his uniform shirt, pulling his body closer to yours.

When you both stumble into your room, the lights are out, only the faint blue glow of the rooms control panel allowing you to see the faint outline of the bed.

The matress dipped as you fell back onto it, Leonard's hands roamed under your skirt, the other cradled your jaw as your lips collided over and over.

Your hands slipped under his shirt, fingers trailing over his heated skin. He shivers, hands leaving you to rip his shirt up over his head. You bite your lip, your neck getting hot as he does the same with yours. Slower, gentler and almost reverently as he underssed you until you were both bare.

Your hand traveled down his abdomen, brushing against the tip of his erect cock. His nostrals flared as your hand drifted further, wrapping around his shaft. Your thumb swiped over his tip, spreading his pearly white precum. You pumped him gently, your right hand focused on the tip as you massaged him. He was somewhat hunched over you, arms caging you in on both sides of the bed. You let go of him for a moment to steer him onto his back on the bed with you on your stomach between his legs. You wrapped your hand around his shaft.

You looked straight into his glazed hazel eyes as you took the base of his shaft into your mouth. Your tounge swirling as you sucked. A gutteral sound escaped his throat and his hands gripped the sheets,heels digging into the mattress. You smirked slightly, you always loved pulling sounds like that out of him.

Your mouth traveled up and down until his cock was slick and shining from your spit, his body growing tenser and tenser as his orgasm built. Suddenly he pulled you off of his cock, pulling your lips to his again with a growl, manuvering you to roll under him as he hovers above you. He gripped his wet cock, rubbing it over your clit and entrance teasingly. You moan and buck your hips as he rubs the tip up and down between your folds. Half of you wanted him to never stop doing what he was doing, the feeling of his cock dragging over your clit felt amazing, the other half wanted him to plow into you. You whined at the intensity of the sensations. "You like that?" He murmured. You nodd franticlly. "Have to remember that." He murmurs before slowly sinking into you. Your breath caught, savoring the feeling of being filled so deliciously. Your eyes squeesed shut. His fingers caught your chin. "Feel good darlin'?"

You nodded, brain too hazy to form coherent words. You opened your eyes and shuttered as he shifted inside you. You gripped his shoulders and pushed him to sit back against the wall as you sat on top of his lap, cock still buried deep inside of you. Your hands rest on his shoulders, one of your hands coming to rest against his cheek as you slowly started to move your hips, milking his cock.

His mouth drops open slightly, hands landing to rest on your hips and all he can do is watch your breasts move along with your labored breathing. After a few minutes his head bangs back against the wall, hands gripping your hips tighter as his eyes clench shut, and hot streams of cum exploding inside of you. You gasp, the twitching and warmth of his cock paired with your thrusts causing your orgasm to rip through you, almost violently.

As you both come down from. The high, You both still, your breathing stilling as he softens inside you, and you climb off. He lays down beside you, arm wrapping around your waist as he presses a kiss to your brow.

"Im sorry." He says into the darkness. You shake your head "your everything to me, Len. Everything." You say before you both settle in, falling asleep.

Fin.

[windscattered]

Previously

Orlando tensed, ready for sudden movements. Slowly, he looked to Daniel, to measure his reaction to figure out the next move.

Daniel looked horrified. His face had fallen pale and his posture was like a cornered animal’s. Just when Orlando thought he’d faint, his eyes slowly looked down and glazed over, his shoulders drooping in utter defeat.

Orlando decided to try and salvage this. “I am not sure what you’re thinking, but I’m here to just pick up some stuff…” Orlando hesitated. Should he use Daniel’s real name? “... he donated to charity,” Orlando said, putting on his just-a-regular-citizen voice. “Yesterday he donated a coffee maker and a microwave, today it’s some clothes he doesn’t wear anymore.”

The woman’s eyes snapped to Orlando and he immediately understood why Daniel looked so terrified. Her gaze felt like a hawk zeroing in on a mouse. “And who are you?”

Good thing Orlando had learned to mask his emotions from a young age. “My name is Basil. I work for Christine’s Shelter for the Homeless.”

The woman raised her eyebrows. “Mm. And you were here yesterday as well?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

The woman smiled, sickeningly sweet and hiding a dangerous edge. “Interesting. And why did you feel the need to shut my security cameras off while you were here?”

Orlando put a confused look on his face. “The cameras? I… I’m afraid I have no idea what that’s about.”

She narrowed her eyes and stared at Orlando for a long time. “Leave,” she said coldly. “Or I’ll call the police on you.”

“Okay, sheesh,” Orlando said, pretending to be surprised and only slightly peeved. “No need to get so testy.” He left the house and let the brief disguise drop.

This was bad. If the woman was anything like Orlando knew abusive people to be, she would tighten her grip on Daniel now that she’s witnessed an escape attempt. Orlando did manage to play it off as something else, but he was fairly sure she hadn’t bought it. Only an idiot would have looked at the scene right at the front door and thought it was nothing but illicit. Orlando’s stomach twisted as he thought how the woman would treat Daniel from now on… He felt awful for having to leave Daniel there for one more day, but it was either that or risk getting arrested.

Orlando racked his brain for a new plan. Now he not only had to sneak Daniel out of the house, he had to make sure the woman wouldn’t track them down and find him again. Of course, it was surprisingly easy to disappear into the lower levels and be almost completely untracked. Orlando had an advantage in this, since he’s been trained since childhood to track other people while avoiding to be tracked himself.

The hardest part, however, would be getting Daniel and Fang out of the house… The only way Orlando saw how to do that was to wait until the woman was at work and then try again, while hoping it’d work this time.

Orlando sighed and rubbed his forehead. 

As soon as Orlando got home, he texted Daniel, asking if he was okay and reassuring him he was willing to try again if he needed to. He didn’t get an answer in a few days.

On the third day, he finally got a response.

Daniel: Hey sorry for that

Orlando scrambled to reply as fast as he could.

Me: Don’t worry about it! Are you okay?

Daniel: This isnt delano tho sorry

Daniel: This is the guy with the mohawk do you remember me

Me: Oh, yes, I do

Daniel: My names adriano btw

Daniel: Anyway delanos… hes not fine

Daniel: Delanos like… idk how to describe it its like he gave up on escaping its like hes just going to accept that this is his life now

Daniel: Its scary as fuck dude

Daniel: Mom took his phone away like hes a teenager thats so fucking messed up

Daniel: I stole his phone back but he insisted i have it just in case

Daniel: Im fucking terrified moms literally holding him as a prisoner here

Daniel: I never knew mom could do something like this

Daniel: We cant stay here

Daniel: You gotta help us

The texts popped up one after another in rapid succession. Orlando waited until he was done.

Me: Okay. Let me make some things clear. Does Delano still want out?

Daniel: Idk man he’s so defeated

Daniel: Im going to drag him out tho

Daniel: My moms a psycho this place is killing him

Me: Alright. I’ll drag him out too, if you want me to

Daniel: Why is that even a question of course i want you to get us the fuck out of here

Daniel: Theres no way i can trust mom again now that ive seen what shes really like

Me: Of course. And you want to come along too?

Daniel: Yeah

Orlando frowned. Hiding two people and a dog might be tricky. But he would at least try.

Me: I’ll do what I can

Daniel: Delano said you need to talk to lillith

Orlando frowned. Lillith? The founder of the Sex Workers’ Union? The Queen of the Low Levels? Wait, why was Orlando surprised that Daniel knew her? Daniel was a sex worker, of course he would belong in the Union.

Contacting Lillith would be a good call, though. She was notoriously protective of sex workers. If they were lucky, she could help with this situation… 

Me: I’ll do that. Thank you

Me: I’ll contact you when I have a plan

Me: Try to hold on until then

Daniel: Thank you

Daniel: Well do our best

Orlando had worked for Lillith a few times before, but he didn’t know her personally. He had to wonder if she would respond well to him asking a favour, as he wasn’t a part of the union. Figuring he had to at least try, he sent Lillith a text.

Me: Hello, Miss Lillith. I am contacting you today on behalf of one of your workers. He is currently held against his will by an abusive person and he needs help getting out. He and I both would appreciate your help.

Lillith took a short time to reply.

Miss Lilly: What’s the worker’s name? Do you have an address?

Me: I believe his name is Delano

Orlando also sent the address to her.

Miss Lilly: Jesus fucking christ

Miss Lilly: He just had to go piss of that bitch out of all people

Me: What do you mean?

Miss Lilly: It’s going to be bitch and a half busting him out, is what I mean

Miss Lilly: I’ve heard rumours that this woman has no chill

Orlando thought back when she had looked at him when he had been at her house. He could believe that.

Me: I am not surprised

Miss Lilly: Yeah. I need more info on the sitch. Can I text Delano? Does he have his phone?

Me: His phone is secured, but he doesn’t have access to it. You can text the number and get an answer, though

Miss Lilly: Wdym? Who has his phone?

Me: We can trust him. He’s also stuck in the house with Delano. We need to get him out as well

Miss Lilly: So there’s two people we need to get out?

Me: Two people and a dog

Miss Lilly: Hmm. It’s going to be tricky, but possible

Miss Lilly: How much stuff are they going to have?

Me: I got most of Delano’s stuff out, so only a little of his, but most of Adriano’s. I believe he has a guitar that he’s going to want to take along.

Me: Delano also has a broken arm at the moment

Miss Lilly: God damn

Miss Lilly: Okay. No panic. I have a plan

***

And so, a few days later, Orlando was headed back to the house, with four sex workers (Ana, Sara, Jessie and Rosa, as Orlando learned) sent by Lillith. “To help carry stuff,” one of them had explained. Orlando hadn’t complained.

“How do we know she won’t appear to interrupt us again?” Orlando asked, while the group were in an elevator, on their way to the upper levels.

“Lils got it,” Jessie said.

“If Lils says she got it, she got it,” Sara agreed.

“We trust Lils,” Rosa said with a nod.

Orlando nodded slowly. He supposed he should trust her too, then.

The group arrived at the house and put on masks that would scramble their faces on any cameras that caught them.

“Let’s go, girls,” Ana said with a grin. “And boy, I guess.”

The group marched to the door and rang the doorbell before Orlando could protest.

“Relax, we’re wearing masks,” Jessie said, waving her hand.

“Yes, but I’d still like to avoid getting caught on security cameras,” Orlando muttered as Rosa hammered the doorbell.

The door opened and Adriano was behind it, looking irritated. “For fuck’s sake, I heard you the fir…” he trailed off as Rosa and Ana screamed.

“Oh my gawd, you’re cuuute!”

Adriano flushed up to his ears, immediately matching his hair. He looked like he was panicking as his eyes landed on Orlando. “Be… BG?”

“It’s me,” Orlando said with a sheepish smile that Adriano didn’t even see. “I got some extra help with me this time.”

“Alright…”  Adriano let the group in.

“Jesus christ, this place is fancy as shit,” Sara said as they stepped in.

“God daaaamn,” Ana breathed. “I wouldn’t mind switching places with Delano.”

“Why did you bring sex workers here?” Adriano whispered to Orlando.

“They’re here to help,” Orlando whispered back. “Be respectful.”

Daniel appeared and the girls screamed. “DELANOOOO!”

Daniel looked like a deer in the headlights as the girls rushed him, all talking over each other.

“Where have you been?”

“I missed youuu!”

“When did you get a sugar daddy?” 

“Can I have him once you’re done with him?”

Adriano stared at this unfolding with utter disbelief.

Orlando clapped his hands to gain everyone’s attention. “I’m sorry to cut this short, but we’re on a schedule here.”

“Agreed,” Jessie said. “Let’s get a move on. We can talk while walking. Where’s your stuff?”

So the group dispersed to gather the luggage they needed, spiced with chaotic chattering from the girls.

“Can we steal something?”

“We should steal something!”

“I really don’t care if you do,” Adriano said.

“Oh shit, really?!” Rosa said, eyes wide. “I was just joking!”

“Go fucking nuts,” Adriano said, “cause as much grief to her as you can.”

The girls exchanged looks. “Let’s steal her shampoo!” They ran off. Adriano followed, for some reason.

“Jesus christ,” Delano sighed.

“Everything okay?” Orlando asked.

“Yeah,” Delano said. “Just overwhelmed. I haven’t even thought about sex work for the whole time I’ve been here. It all feels so distant now.”

Orlando nodded slowly. “Are you going to continue doing it once you’re free?”

Delano was quiet for a moment. Just as he drew a breath to answer, the girls and Adriano returned.

“Thanks for letting us rob your mom, sweetie,” Sara said, pinching Adriano’s cheek. “We don’t have to buy skincare for a few weeks now.”

Adriano was blushing again. “No problem.”

As the groups got ready to leave again, Orlando noticed that Delano freezed. “What’s wrong?”

Delano shifted his weight. “I… I just have a bad feeling, is all.”

Orlando nodded again. Last time they had gotten this far, their plan had failed at this same step.

“Don’t worry,” Jessie grinned, giving him a thumbs-up. “Lils said she’s making sure we’ll get to the lower levels safely.”

“Yeah, trust Lils,” Ana said.

Delano looked down at Fang on her leash, who was looking up at him, tail wagging. Finally, Delano nodded and looked back up at the group. “Let’s go.”

[brightokyolights]

IM SO GOOD AT CRASHING IN 🤜MAKING SPARKS 💥 AND SHIT 💩 BUT THEN! IM A BAD! IM A BAD! IM A BAD FRIEND!!! SO DONT ASK ME WHERE IVE BEEN 🧭 BEEN AVOIDING EVERYTHING 🙈 CAUSE IM A BAD! IM A BAD! IM A BAD ✨ FRIEND ✨